#started in january and put off forever until now

[onlineviolence]

hark! the herald angels sing

[arkhammaid]

— ˚₊‧⁺˖THE LIGHTNING ON TRACK | THE PRE-SEASON TESTING

fandom. formula one & mcu

about. it's pre-season testing time!

content warnings. smau & written parts, written in 3rd person & lowercase, not edited & proofread

word count. 1.1k

notes. we're dipping into the season, slowly but surely... this took me some time to finish, i literally didn't know what to write for testing ://

"we are here in bahrain, pre-season testing for all teams in 2025, welcome everyone!" croft greets the whole world, as live footage is shown across the devices. the camera spans over the whole track, to each individual paddock until stopping at the final one, in blinding white.

"the season is starting with a bang, for the first time in formula one, we will see a stark owned team on the track! in white and chrome they are, an iconic design and everyone is eager to see what the stark manufactured cars can do!"

"how right you are, david! welcome, i'm will buxton and i have someone of interest with me here. right here, in front of the stark racing garage- y/n stark, number 95, one of the drivers for stark racing. so, y/n, tell me, how are you feeling? are you ready for the first time in the car?"

"hello will, thank you for having me. well, it's not quite the first time in the car, we had a testing back in miami at the end of january, but it's something different to be officially here now. but i'm feeling confident- we have our data, the predicted numbers and we think we'll be able to achieve them."

"so, no major upgrades or changes planned?" y/n shakes her head with a grin.

"do you really think i'm going to answer that question? ask me again, when we're done." will laughs at that, nodding his head in understanding.

"understandable, but i will hold you onto that! gonna knock on the garage doors three days later." y/n laughs again, head thrown back. "but, y/n, how does it feel to be on the paddock? have you met the rest of the drivers yet? made any new friendships?"

"well..."

"can you turn that off?", carlos gruffly asks his teammate, who just waves his hand at him as answer. with a groan, he stares at the tv, showing the first driver interview of the day, y/n stark. her voice washes over him, empty answers of being excited to properly meet everyone and maybe even bond with a few drivers.

"i don't know why you're so obsessed, perceval." charles immediatly splutters, waving his hands to deny the accusation.

"i'm not! but it's so interesting! tony stark is literally here, aren't you at least a bit excited? arthur said that y/n is like him!"

"what, arrogant? self-centered?"

"carlos! stop being so negative! i meant like- a genius! someone who raced with her back in f3 is friends with arthur, i forgot his name, but apparently y/n constantly does calculations while she drives. that's why she's so good overtaking." carlos just sighs and leaves charles to whatever he's doing right now. he has no interest in this circus.

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ 🏎️ ˖⁺‧₊˚—

kevin watches the interviews from the sideline, completely satisfied with how everyone is hounding y/n and leaving him in peace. of course he had his fair amount of questions and interviews, but much less than his teammate.

it has been a whirlwind, ever since he joined the team. strange, for a while, everything seeming so futuristic, but now his glasses feel like a another part of his race suit he's putting on every day.

the team has been welcoming, open to his input, but it's very clear to him that y/n is their star driver and he's the support. and he's alright with it. of course, winning a championship would mean everything, but he knows he's not going to continue this forever. especially not when he has a kid, he's missing so much... something he dislikes, because family means everything to him.

this is why his contract is only for two years. if he wishes to continue and his results at the end of the season are steady, tony promised him a seat as long he wishes for. he is incredibly thankful for this offer, fully knowing that this kind of support doesn't exist in formula one.

"ready to go?", he asks, after y/n's press officer ushers her out of the mob called journalists.

"so ready to go", she grins. but they're not alone, the netflix camera's immediately surround them and capture their walk to the garage. people part from them, staring openly at the drivers. one of the most iconic footage later shown in the drive to survive documentary.

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ 🏎️ ˖⁺‧₊˚—

"so, here he goes, kevin magnussen for stark racing, leaving his side of the garage. the car is looking incredible, i really like the color!", comments crofty and the other men immediately begin to chatter as well. throwing in rumors and hearsay about the team, they expertly fill the silence of kevin doing his first lap on the track.

"last to leave the garage and on the track, all eyes are on stark racing- oh and there he goes, picking up the speed!"

"his tyres seem to have warmed up- woah! look at the smoothness! kevin seems to be home in his car, his struggles from the last season are nowhere to be seen", adds jenson, while the cameras continue to follow the white car with the number 20.

"and there he goes! on medium tyres, setting the third fastest lap already, this looks definitely promising." will shares his own thoughts, reminding the viewers that there is definitely a possibility of stark racing going at least one or two seconds faster.

"by the looks of it, the stark racing team seems to be satisfied- honestly can't tell much, the glasses are hiding too much", jokes another man and all of them laugh. "bloody starks, am i right?"

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ 🏎️ ˖⁺‧₊˚—

the testing days are filled with endless laps and data, followed by long hours of debrief. they've already proven that they're fast, slotting themselves on the upper half of the grid, sticking close to the more experienced teams.

speculations are thrown around, is stark racing sandbagging? of course they must be, while others think that this is the best they can do. neither of the drivers or the team principal lose a word on it, instead they repeat always the same statements.

"we delivered what we predicted."

"we tested our theories, confirmed or debunked them, so the past three days have been very productive."

"we're exactly there where we want to be and we know our next steps."

empty words and yet the journalists pounce on them as if they're the next headlines. the whole world watches with eagerness as stark racing finishes up their debut in formula one and they impatiently await the first race of the season.

taglist. @lilypadlover , @adorablezhui , @peqch-pie , @keyz-writes , @obsidianjewel , @aimixx , @themercyverse , @lem-hhn , @akiraquote , @kiiyoooo , @nichmeddar , @nothingfuninthislife , @minkyungseokie , @fionaschicken , @lyrasconstellation , @spideybv28 , @keii134 , @starssfall , @tpwkstiles, @fangirl-dot-com , @nichmeddar , @lady-laura-speaks , @nikfigueiredo , @hinamesgigantica , @brakingboundaries , @almostjollypizza , @yoremins , @raizelchrysanderoctavius , @celesteblack08 , @watermelon-sugars-things , @lighttsoutlewis , @radiantdanvers , @vellicora, @sterredem , @hiireadstuff , @jolixtreesunn , @mypage-myfandoms , @nelly187 @greeneyesandsunshine , @fulla02 , @welovediaaxx , @whyamireadingthis , @67-angelofthelordme-67 , @blueberry64857959 , @winchesterwife27 , @six-call , @skywalker1dream , @mellowarcadefun , @cherry-piee , @peterholland04 , @motorsportloverf1 , @renarots , @msbyjackal , @woozarts , @leclucklerc , @yl90

crossed off tags mean i can't tag you!

DO YOU WANT TO JOIN THE SERIES TAGLIST? please leave a comment on this post or send a non anonymous ask!

ARKHAM MAID 2024

[ashwhowrites]

Can you write something like Billy Hargrove x reader x Eddie Munson, but Enemies to lovers? Idk, I think those two x reader can be an interesting combination!

Lord this is from January, I am so sorry it took me forever to get this out. I don't want to ramble about myself, but thank you for your patience.

This trio is definitely different, and that excited me. I hope you love this! I had a lot of fun with these 2. Thank you for requesting 🫶🏻

⚠️smutty

I think Billy would be against it at first, and it would take him time to realize what he felt for Eddie....was sexual

Billy and Y/N were already together, it wasn't always the best relationship. There was a lot of toxic jealousy but it kept their relationship hot.

Y/N was attractive, and she had this look, not many other girls had

She was confident and stepped all over Billy, something no one else could say they did

Billy was wrapped around her finger. If he barked, she barked louder. If he punched a wall, she kicked the door.

Sometimes they were enemies, and sometimes they were so in love it was magic

Their relationship was doing well until Eddie Munson started making the moves on Y/N

Y/N couldn't lie to herself or Billy. She found Eddie attractive and loved the attention he put on her.

Eddie didn't know at first she was taken. He simply thought he was putting the moves on a single girl.

Until Billy knocked his ass out at a party after he slipped Y/N his number....or maybe it was the fact he slipped his tongue in her mouth that made Billy lose it

The couple fought about it for weeks

But neither could call it quits

Even under their burning hatred, there was so much love

Billy wouldn't dare admit it, but watching Eddie and Y/N makeout like no one else mattered tightened his jeans

With her whines and his deep groans, Billy couldn't get it out of his mind

Turns out he even dreamed about it

Y/N smirked as Billy rubbed his hard-on against her leg

His body was asleep but his mind was awake with imagination

"Good girl....suck him harder..." Billy moaned, his words heavy and caused a shiver to run through Y/N's body

"Daddy's good girl.....and Daddy's good boy"

Y/N reached down, grabbing Billy's cock, thankfully he was already naked from their time before bed

Billy jolted awake, his blue eyes looking up to find her

"Whatcha dreaming about?" She teased, she knew she was the girl in the dream, but the boy? She had an idea

"you," he said, his hand sliding into her underwear

"And?" she pressed, moaning as his fingers slipped easily inside of her

"Eddie Munson"

After that night, she had the idea to see what the three of them could do for each other

The couple landed at another party, and they stumbled into a random bedroom

"Ready?" she asked, Billy's tongue on her neck

"I'll get him," Billy smirked, smacking her ass as he ran out the door

Eddie was confused when Billy walked up to him, and Y/N was nowhere near him

He was even more confused when Billy dragged him upstairs and threw him into a room where Y/N sat naked on the bed

"What is going on?" Eddie asked, he was a little scared. But so turned on by the way Y/N opened her legs. Her sweet cunt made him gulp

"Go taste her, I'm gonna watch," Billy whispered into Eddie's ear

Eddie shivered as Billy's hands wrapped around his body. His hard chest against his back. Billy's hands went under Eddie's shirt and took it off

"She makes a mess, don't wanna ruin your clothes." Billy teased, sending a wink to his girlfriend

"Crawl to me," Y/N demanded, Eddie gulped and dropped to his knees. He crawled towards her and Billy walked behind him

"You are gonna eat me out, then Billy is gonna fuck you so good while I suck you off, got it?" She asked, Eddie looked up at her with puppy eyes. He nodded

Eddie felt like his body was on fire that whole night

Her lips around him and Billy pushing inside of him

"You are all ours now, pretty boy," Billy growled as he covered Eddie's back in his cum

After that, the three were never apart

TAGS!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergentreblogs @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

104/150 with lethal company?

104) I can hear it calling my name

.........

[Y/n], January 29th, [Log 001]

---I'm afraid this will be my last log. So I'm keeping this encrypted.

Everyone's gone, but I'm still here. And I'm terrified. We started on this job as strangers, and we became family. Now I'm all alone because of a stupid mask. A piece of scrap we should've just sold off.

But he thought it would be funny to wear. I don't blame him. He was always a jokester, willing to do anything to turn a frown upside down and make light of our dreary trips. I know he didn't mean to hurt us. He thought it was harmless. Honest to god we thought so too.

Until he started vomiting blood and tried grabbing me. He tore off my helmet, along with my tracker, but I managed to get away. I still don't know how. But I wish I was smarter about it, because I got lost.

Then I heard the ship's engines.

They must've thought I was dead. Or maybe they all died and the autopilot kicked in. I'm not sure. I don't even know the current time. But what I do know is that I'm stuck here now. Possibly forever. I could make an SOS but that monster is still outside. I had to barricade myself in this storage room and wait until it goes away.

It keeps knocking. I can hear it calling my name. But I know it's not him.

To anyone who reads this, don't pick up the porcelain masks. They aren't worth shit. It'll tempt you to put it on. Don't. You'll find better loot elsewhere. If you see anyone already wearing it, kill them. Stun them. Run. Whatever. Just don't let it take you.

And if you see me wearing it, put me out of my misery. I promise I'll understand---

Finishing what would likely be your final log, you sighed and slumped back against the wall, letting the tablet slip from your hands.

You don't know how long you've been stuck here--whether it's been hours or days.

But all you know is that the Masked on the other side of the door hasn't left. It was using your coworker's corpse, mimicking his voice as it pounded on the steel and tried convincing you to let it in, even shattering the window. For some reason it refused to leave you alone, and kept begging and begging until it began screaming unintelligently...

That would go on and on until eventually it would cease, weakly clawing at the door, only to rinse and repeat once it rested its voice.

You were starving, trying your best to ration the jar of pickles you were luckily able to find in this storage room.

Unfortunately, that's as far as your luck will go at this point. They were sour and made you want to vomit every time you ate one. But while you didn't want starvation to take your life, you weren't exactly sure how you really wanted to go out instead.

It sure as hell wasn't gonna be from that bastard who took away your friends.

"It's clear....all clear......come on out....the ship is leaving..leave....out.....COME OUT..!! COME OUT!! COMEOUTCOMEOUT-!!"

With your heart hammering in your chest, you curled up and covered your ears, squeezing both eyes shut. 'Fuck, it's losing its mind again...this is a nightmare..why did I ever take this job?' You tried not to focus on the screams so much, and instead prayed for some kind of miracle.

But in space, would anyone really hear your prayers?

Yet somebody must have, because the screaming abruptly stopped a minute later, being replaced by the sounds of heavy thumping and growling drawing near.

You only knew one other alien creature that made those.

And you knew it was pissed off.

Getting up and backing away from the door, you fearfully clutched a stop sign as you heard a series of terrified shrieks, roars, slamming and crashing sounds....before silence followed, save for the low growls you heard earlier and chewing noises.

Cautiously, you went back over and pushed aside one of the things covering up the window, and the sight on the other side was quite nauseating:

The Thumper was hovering over the Masked's body, teeth covered in blood and flesh as it tore into it, clearly wanting to savor this midnight snack.. But eventually it decided to drag the rest of the corpse away and to another part of the facility, only leaving behind a few shattered fragments of white dirty porcelain.

You couldn't believe it.

You were actually happy that a Thumper, of all things, saved your skin.

But you sure as hell didn't want it coming back for a second lunch. Now was your window of opportunity to get out of here. The adrenaline pumping through your veins was the only reason you were able to grab your loot and book it out of that storage room, being careful not to run into that Thumper again.

At least now you could go outside and (hopefully) send an S.O.S.

[gadriezmannsgirl]

Until Forever -P.G

The long awaited second part of "SINCE FOREVER" is here now! HOPE YOU LIKE THIS, FEEDBACK IS APPREACIATED!

Read part 3 here!

Songs I listened to: Me, Myself and I - 5SOS, Lie To Me - 5SOS, Forever - Lewis Capaldi, Bruises - Lewis Capaldi, I Love You - Little Mix, Nobody Like You - Little Mix, Only You - Little Mix, What I Put You Through - Conor Maynard, Over Again - One Direction, De Marzo a Junio - Gonza Silva, All In - Here at Last, Airplanes - B.o.B ft. Hayley Williams, Impossible - Shontelle, Diamonds - Rihanna, Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood, Yellow - Coldplay, Too Good At Goodbyes - Sam Smith and Sin Señal - Quevedo.

Warnings: Angst, the long lenght this fic has is killing☠️... Part 3?

Summary: You are moving on from your mistake meanwhile Pablo is realizing his own.

January, 2023

It has been four months since that day. Four months which you haven’t seen Pablo. Four months of misery for you. And also for him.

When you left his apartment that day, a sickening feeling got into his stomach and it didn’t go away with anything he tried, his hands were shaking and his mind was running wild. He couldn’t concentrate on anything besides you, your confession, your sad expression and your leaving.

He knew that you asked him for time. But he couldn’t give that to you. He wanted you to know he still had you present in his life and hoping that you had him on yours too. And you sadly did.

You were absolutely a wreck for the first month. Not going outside unless it was for grocery shopping and Uni. Until the second month arrived.

Pedri, who had been your personal cheerleader, picked you up one day, got you a nice outfit and made you get in it, for you to go out with him in a friendly date where Ansu and Balde, joined you and ate everything they normally couldn’t or wouldn’t, because of their diet, but they decided than seeing you happy and like your old self was worth some calories more.

He even made you change Gavi’s contact name on your phone, to help your process get quicker and made you forget about his constant texting.

From that moment on, you started going out, you missed having a good time with the people you loved, with your friends and family, and not necessarily accompanied of Pedri, you went out with your girl friends, you Uni group, groups from other degrees at your Uni that you were close with. You were back.

Of course, you missed him. Terribly. Often at nights, you would scroll down on his messages and see what updates he has been giving you

Pablo Páez Ansu fell on his butt today, you would’ve laughed your ass off

Pablo Páez I made a happy salad *Photo* I hope you’re doing good, I’ve been better…

Pablo Páez Xavi keeps asking for you to tie my shoelaces, he keeps saying I don’t know how to do them

Pablo Páez Practice went well

Pablo Páez I just ate a kilo of bananas.  I won’t die, right?

Pablo Páez It’ll sound impressive but I just won Pedri on FIFA. Your gaming lessons paid off Now, I have to try and win you. He told me you were doing fine and I’m glad. I can’t wait for us to reconnect again

Pablo Páez De Jong said he missed having you around on practice I agreeded with him

Pablo Páez Pedri just ate his banana from the bottom to the top, you’re gonna kill him?

And many more of those but still, you choosed not to reply any of them, only really “talking” to him when the World Cup started, when he scored his first goal during it and when they lost against Morocco also you had texted him on Christmas and New Years.

Other times? You were ghosting him.

It was hell for him.

The first month of you doing that, for Pablo it was horrible. He couldn’t concentrate at practices; he messed up great plays, the passes weren’t precise, at games he was angrier and aggressive than usual, he wanted desperately for you to talk to him, Pedri tried to talk him out of it but the youngster snapped at his best male friend.  Only to come back to him a few minutes later apologizing.

Pablo thought that with time he could get over it, but no. Four months after and you were still on his mind and the anxious feeling was bigger and bigger on his chest.

He started to realize something, he felt awful, destroyed, sad and was mad at himself, he cried and cried to sleep that day for being too stupid and idiot to realize it

Yes, during WC, he had mastered a way of concentrating at practices and games but you were still on his mind. Always.

He was extremely angry, disappointed and sad to hear that you wouldn’t be there with him at his first WC, but still understood, already imagining the rest of his performances where you would be there cheering on for him and only him, the loudest as you have always have done.

In your defense, you did try your best but Uni got up to you and you weren’t done by the time it started, you couldn’t leave Spain even if you tried your best.

But, you haven’t properly seen each other since that day. And it was the first time you were going to. In Arabia Saudi for La Supercopa España, the Clásico. Barcelona vs. Madrid.

Pedri had invited you to come and you being a culer and the greatest friend, didn’t waste any time and asked permission from your parents to fly with the González.

“Is Samuel coming too?” Pedri asked with a cheeky smile

“¡Cállate!” He laughed seeing you blush

Samuel, is one of the guys that attends to your Uni but he’s doing a different degree than yours. During the last weeks of November and the first’s ones of December he had been asking you to hang out alone and you accepted. You definitely liked him.

He was cute, really cute and pretty. He had light green eye color, he was one head taller than you, blonde wavy haired and he had the most beautiful dimples at both sides of his smile; he was careful, paid attention to your needs, to whatever you were saying and remembered the smallest things you said randomly, he was funny and he never failed to amaze you.

But still, he wasn’t Pablo.

“Pedri, no lo sé” You had said

“This is your chance. It’s not like you might end up married to him anyway! Or you will… Who knows? Don't take it as a rebound kind-of thing. But maybe you can forget about Pablo, reconnect your friendship and at the same time have a lovely relationship with a guy who’s clearly into you”

And that’s how you started dating Samuel. And that’s also how you got into the present day.

“But you know he will” You spoke

“Gotta start making up the whole ‘Older-brother’ talk thing”

“Please, don’t scare him away. He’s really nice, I like him” You immediately said making Pedri laugh out loud while shaking his head a little. When a message pulled up in your screen.

Pablo Páez Are you coming to the Supercopa España? I know we aren’t in the best terms but I would love to see my favorite girl cheering for me on a live game… It’s been a while since you’ve done that.

“What’s up?”

“Pablo’s asking me if I’m going to the Supercopa” You said showing the message to Pedri who had been playing FIFA with you for about an hour ago

Pedri shrugged his shoulders “You wanna tell him?”

“I wanna surprise him” Silence filled the room

“You know even if he tries to hide it” Pedri started “, he’s not doing fine. He misses you a lot. A whole lot” You sighed

“I miss him too” You nodded sadly “I shouldn’t have said anything”

“No. You should have and you did. Feelings are the best when they’re being let out”

“But at what cost? I ruined my friendship with him and it’s not something you can easily go at it again. It’ll take me so much time to forget about those feelings I have for Pablo, Pedri. Maybe he feels guilty, awkward, I don't know... It’ll take a lot of time of being at that level we were once. You know it. I know it. Hell, even Pablo knows it. But it’s too hard being all in one day and suddenly stop being there”

“But you will do” Pedri said putting a hand on your thigh “I fully believe you will get, both of you, your feelings straight and keep on with that beautiful friendship you both have” Pedri nodded smiling lightly “I still think he’s in love with you but hasn’t realized”

“I still don’t think he is but who cares now?” You shrugged your shoulders  

“I’m just afraid he’ll realize it when it’s too late to try anything” Your eyes moved to Pedri’s as you both stared at each other in silence

“If” You start pausing to take a deep breath “If he does have feelings for me” You said slowly “I hope he realizes them quickly” Your phone dinged once more making you part your eyes from Pedri

A light smile made its way to your face seeing Samuel’s name pop up on your screen

Samu✨💖 Walking down the street, I saw a cute puppy. It reminded me of Aladdin, hope he’s feeling better. PS: I got him some treats for tomorrow when I see him. And don’t worry, I also got you a little present, couldn’t forget about you.

You sighed watching those two names on your home screen “Because I’m really liking Samuel and it’ll be hard for Pablo if I move on”

“Hard as in?”

“As in completely erasing myself from his life for a long and indeterminate amount of time, until I’m entirely happy and healed” Your eyes locked with Pedri’s as both of you sighed

“Do whatever you feel better doing, bonita” Pedri said slowly and in a low tone “Just know I’m gonna be here for you, always”

________

“Y/N!” Belén, Pablo’s mom said making you turn your head towards her with a smile on your face

“Belén!” You exclaimed happy to see the olderly woman approaching her to hug her tightly

“¡Que te has desaparecido, niña!” (It’s been a while, baby!) You laughed lightly

“I know” You whine “Y lo siento muchísimo. Es que he estado un poco ocupada con mis cosas en la Uni, Pablo ha estado ocupado en los entrenos y no hemos tenido mucho tiempo juntos desde hace un tiempito” (And I’m truly sorry. I’ve been so busy with College, Pablo has been busy with trainings and we haven’t spend time together in a while) You tried to come up with a little lie but you knew better

“I know that. Pablo told me what happened” You sighed a little “It must have been really hard for you, my dear”

“A lot” You whispered sadly “I just thought… For a second, he would feel the same”

“We thought so too. You acted like a couple. Pablo, Aurora and I actually thought you were already together” You smiled sadly at the thought of that “How’d you handled it?”

“Pretty bad in the first month but Pedri dragged me out of my house and I’ve slowly come back into what I was” She smiled grabbing your hand “And Pablito?”

She sighed “I think Pedri must have told you, hadn’t he?” You nodded lightly “He still isn’t taking it too well. Sometimes I catch him looking through your photos together” You sighed feeling bad for your best friend “He was way too moody during the World Cup”

“I can only imagine” You both laughed lightly “I was busy with Uni, it wasn’t a lie” You began “… But I also wasn’t ready to face him; I mean… I’m barely starting to get over him with a very few baby steps. Pedri invited me but I came here to surprise him actually, he doesn’t know I’m here, I told him I would try and do my best to come and I can sense he got angry at me. I have never missed one of his matches and to miss all these…”

“It took a toll on him” She ended as you nod lightly

“I do miss him a lot and besides everything I don’t want him to think we’re done. Because we aren’t. I just need myself time” You explained “And I wanna start making things right, he doesn’t love me” You said laughing without humor “And I’ve got to accept that even if I don’t like to. But that doesn’t mean I won’t stop being there for him. And I’m here to prove that to him. I made the mistake of falling in love with my best friend but I’m not quitting on our friendship”

Belén said nothing but hug you tightly “Pablo does love you, dear”

“Not in the way I would love him to”

“There’s no one better for him than you” You shook your head disagreeing with her

“I’m not his person, Belén” And with that you broke the hug

“He hasn’t realized”

You were tired of hearing that.

“And I don’t think he will because I’m just not it for him. I cannot force him. He may be sad at the fact I was in love with him, that he broke me unconsciously and that he might lose me as his best friend but he doesn’t see me like that”

“Y/N” She began when you felt an arm wrap around your waist, you turn around to face Samuel with two water bottles

“Me he perdido de regreso. Todo se ve azul, rojo y blanco” (I got lost on my way back. Everything is blue, red and white colors) You laugh lightly accepting the water

“Thank you so much, Samu” You kissed his cheek, right on where his dimples show making him, pull you closer to him.

“Disculpa, ¿Interrumpí algo?” (I’m sorry, I interrupted something?) He asked feeling a bit guilty

You turned to Belén who was looking at you with a light smile.

“Not at all, hijo” She said

“Samu, she’s Belén, my best friend’s mom” You introduced her taking a deep breath “Belén, he’s Samuel Carnevale, my boyfriend” You watched at how her face fell a bit but quickly covered it up

“Nice to meet you, miss”

“Igualmente cariño” (Likewise, dear) She said slowly nodding

“Y/I, want me to save you the seat?” You nod eagerly to hear Belén’s thoughts

“He looks like a nice lad” She said when he left you again, you nod

“He is” You mumble

“I’m happy you’re moving on” She said, you felt relieved to hear those words “Still a bit sad I’m not going to be your mom-in-law” She laughed lightly as you smiled without showing your teeth

“She can still marry me” You heard Aurora say from behind her mom’s back

“When’s the wedding?” You replied watching them laugh. Aurora stepped over to hug you as you hugged her back tightly

“My brother is stupid”

“Don’t say that” You defended him “It’s not his fault” You shrugged your shoulders letting go of her

“He seems like a nice guy” She looked over at Samuel who was laughing with Fernando, Pedri’s older brother

“He is” You nodded with a smile

“I hope everything works out for you, Y/I” Aurora said “And hopefully we’ll see you more around in the house. Pablo isn’t the only one who misses you”

“I’ll try, cariño” You said gripping her arm a bit “It was lovely seeing you again, we must hang out later” You say ready to go. Both of them nodded hugging you once more

And with that you walked back towards Sam and Fer, feeling all kind of emotions thanks to their words and making up something in your mind for when you see Pablo.

You couldn’t keep on with your thoughts because the game had started, the tension was feeling in the air, it was the final of La Supercopa, both teams wanted to win it and only one could be the one who raised it and proclaiming the champion title.  And you wanted so badly to be Barcelona that one

Robert had the ball on his feet, he was dribbling among the players and into the penalty section of the Madrid, when he passed the ball to Gavi who hit it and the ball went inside the net. A roar of cheers, applauses and screams were heard across the stadium, the Barcelona fans cheering in happiness as they took the lead on the board.

 Gavi grabbed his shirt and kissed it, his signature celebration, his teammates went over to him and cheered with him, Pedri high fived him and hugged him and he must have told him something because after their hug Gavi’s eyes dance across the stadium until they landed on you.

His smile grew bigger and blew you a kiss while pointing at you, he also went ahead and did your initial. You smiled clapping and cheering louder for him.

At minute 45, Robert scored once more with an assist of Gavi and in the second time at minute 69, Pedri scored with the board on 3 for them and 0 for Madrid. The final result was 1-3, meaning Barcelona had won.

The player’s family went down, you shyly made your way towards the pitch as well but feeling extremely proud for your boys.

The first one you saw was Ansu and you threw yourself at him, laughing and cheering on the win for a few seconds before you saw Balde, Araujo and Lewy, you congratulated them as well.

When you saw Pedri, he opened his arms and you ran towards him

“¡YO SABÍA QUE GANARÍAN!” (I knew you guys would win) You yelled in excitement as Pedri hugged you tightly “You did it and I’m so proud of you” You kissed his sweaty cheek several times as he rocked you both side to side “That goal was amazing, Pepi”

“Gracias, bonita. It felt amazing to score” You smiled widely

You hadn’t seen Pablo and you were having an intern battle of seeing him, congratulating him and at the same time not do it.

“You look really happy” Samuel said grabbing your hand in his as your eyes roamed around for Gavi

“I am happy. Not only my club won but also my best friends did. It feels like a dream come true” You said looking at him with a smile on when you turned your head you saw him, he was hugging his sister

“Go and say hello to him” Samuel said kissing your cheek “I’ll be next to you”

Letting go of Samuel’s hand, you walked until being two meters away from him, Belén saw you and pointed at Gavi to turn around, when he did, he was confused until his eyes were on you.

His expression fell a bit before he let a smile out, he turned around to walk but when you started walking too, he started jogging and soon running until, you doing the same and eventually you crashed into each other.

You couldn’t lie. It felt good being back in his arms. His strong arms wrapped tightly around your waist, his face into the crock of your neck, yours around his shoulder and giving light touches in his hair

“I’m sorry” He said whispering in your ear “I’m truly sorry” You shushed him

“It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it” You shook your head “I’m here now”

“I missed you so much” He whispered once more pulling you even closer to him, at this point you were a bit arched, with him leaning onto you; with your waist touching his, torso touching his, chest touching his and heads into the others neck.

“Don’t leave me ever again” Pablo said

“I’m not” You said pulling away a little but he didn’t moved an inch “Pabs”

“No” He shook his head “I’m truly sorry, I should-” You cut him off

“Pablo, it’s okay, I’m here now” Your hand went to the sides of his head “Look at me please” You whispered and he after a few seconds obliged, pulling his forehead into yours “I’m not leaving you”

“It felt like hell not seeing you in the stands, it felt horrible not seeing you at our trainings but it felt even worse you not talking to me at all”

“Sorry” That’s all you managed to say, you caressed his dirty stained cheeks leaning up to kiss his cheek and come back pull your forehead into his. You were looking into each other’s eyes, when you felt Pablo slowly lean in

And that’s when you felt a presence and pulled away from him

Pablo looked confused, his arms still around you while yours fell from his body.

“Hey” Samuel said smiling lightly "Tremendo juego hiciste el día de hoy. ¡Felicidades!" (Such a good game you did today. Congratulations!)

“Hola” Pablo said “Amigo, disculpa, en estos momentos estoy con mi familia disfrutando, puedo darte un autógrafo más tarde, y… ¿Podrías traerme una botella de agua?” (Mate, sorry, I’m enjoying with my family right now, I can sign something for you later, also… Would you bring me a bottle of water?)

“Él no trabaja aquí, Gavi” (He doesn’t work here, Pablo) You said untangling yourself from him

“¿Ah no? Disculpa” Pablo said smiling tightly, hand reaching up to grab yours but you crossed your arms in front of your chest “And who are you?” Pablo asked mirroring your actions but giving you a look

“Samuel, this is my best friend, Pablo Páez or better known as Pablo Gavi” You announced unlinking one of your arms to pull Samuel next to you. It was Samuel’s turn “And Pablito… This is Samuel Carnevale… My boyfriend”

At the moment you said that, you could see Pablo’s face scrunching up, he was confused and his jaw clenched, just like how it did when he was angry

“What?” Pablo asked in disbelief after a few seconds

You sighed “This is my boyfriend, Samuel Carnevale” You announced once more

“Boyfriend?” You nod repeated times

Gavi's eyes danced in between Samuel and your face, he looked for any sign of you joking with him. But found none.

This couldn't have happened to him. You had a boyfriend? Why? Why now he realized his feelings for you? Was this a kind of sick prank? If it was he wasn't liking it and wanted it to stop now.

The emotion he felt for winning the Supercopa went away when he saw you holding hands with him.

"Really?" He asked impressed trying to put on a happy face but it looked somehow as if he was in pain

And he was. Sentimentally he was.

He felt like he could cry a river to cover the whole European continent, he felt sick, his stomach felt funny, his head felt spinning and it wasn't definitely for the excitement of winning

He felt lost

"That's-" He cut himself off, he couldn't say it was good because it wasn't good but he also couldn't say it was bad because it would hurt you even more.

You'd think he was selfish. And he truly wanted to be, but not after what happened between the two of you.

Thankfully a voice pulled him out of the situation, the three of you turning your heads to see Pedri coming over

"Buenas noches!" He said grinning from ear to ear "Sorry to interrupt anything"

Please, don't be. Pablo thought

"But we need to go so they can give us the medals and lift the trophy" Gavi nodded relieved

He had never wanted to escape from a moment with you more than he does now

However, he watched you smile and nod at him "Go ahead, Martín" You kick his leg a little "Congratulations on winning, by the way. I'm so proud of you" Pablo smiled nodding at you

You stepped forward and hugged him once more you couldn't help yourself but wanted to embrace him

"I don't plan on ruining tonight for you, but I think you know we need to talk" You whispered against his ear as he nodded tightening his hold on you, now it was his turn, he kissed your cheek repeated times making you giggle

"Stop that" You asked laughing "Go" You untangled yourself from him forcing him to leave his hold on you.

"Meet me in a hour and a half in the tunel, okay?" You nod smiling, one of Pablo's hands went up to the side of your face and pulled a stray of hair away from your face, making you freeze in the beggining but retracted a bit

Pablo's hand fell at his side as he was confused and shocked, he felt a sting hit in his chest and his breathing got a bit uneven, he took deep breaths and let out the air he was holding in. He nodded not knowing what to do, he had never felt this way around you not even when you confessed your feelings for him, so, he just walked side by side with Pedri to grab their medals

"You okay?" Pedri asked next to him as Pablo lightly shook his head

"...No" He looked over to where you were standing, in the middle of the Páez and González family.

He felt the same sting in his chest when you retracted from his touch but the sting made itself pronounced when he saw Samuel pull you into his embrace and you making yourself comfortable in the boys's arms while cheering for them.

Those should've been his arms, not some random man ones, but he had been too stubborn to realize it. And meanwhile you were happy and moving on, it was his time to watch from the sidelines and get hurt

________

You were waiting for him to come out of the dressing room but it seemed like it wasn't happening any time soon. Everyone had left only the staff being present and a few of the players's family.

So you decided to walk around for a bit, you came up the tunnel finding the place where the players go out to the pitch. You walked it finding the empty stadium, it looked pretty when no one was around and you enjoyed it more this way but it looked even better with people in the stands supporting their clubes and wearing a certain color.

"I remember you being noisy" You turn around at hearing his voice "I just didn't knew how much" You smiled lightly watching Pablo walk a few steps more to join you "This is beautiful" You nod agreeing

"Yes, it is" You smiled lightly "Mostly when it's quiet"

Silence took over the two of you for a while, none of you knowing how to start

"You are looking pretty" He said randomly as you smiled lightly

"Thanks, you looking nice too"

"It felt nice seeing you up there once more" you hum pursing your lips a bit

"It felt nice being back there once more" You smiled taking a deep breath

"So... You have a boyfriend?" He asked the first thing that had came into his mind, you nod once more

"I do" You smile at the though of your blondie, he had gone to the hotel with Pedri's family much to his disagreement, he didn't wanted to leave you alone but he understood you had something serious to talk with Pablo

"Since when?"

"Since December"

Pablo nodded, looking down at his feet

"I missed you" He said

"I missed you too"

"Didn't seem like you did"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You weren't answering my texts, nor my calls and whenever I tried to go into your apartment, the security guards didn't let me in!"

"Well I told you I needed time and you accepted it"

"You ghosted me!"

"And I'm terribly sorry! I was heartbroken and I didn't precisely wanted to the see the guy who provoked it uncounsiously!"

"Were you really? Because all I could see was you from a party to another and to another! It definitely didn't look like you were heartbroken!"

"But I was and still am, Pablo!" When he heard you exclaim his first name once more, he knew he had fucked it up again. You already had called him with a nickname or one of his others names

"What did you want me to do?" You ask in between laughter "Stay at home crying? Feeling miserable because I made the biggest mistake ever? And of all of the persons in Barcelona I went ahead and fell in love with you? But still I went and did nothing to change it? And when I try you absolutely do nothing but say 'you were just from a party to another, you didn't missed me' Of fucking course I missed you!" You were laughing but in reality you were close to the verge of crying

"Hell you've been a constant person in my life for twelve years, Pablo!" You looked at him "No one has ever me stuck with me that much, besides my family of course, but you! To have you next to me 25/8 like we used to be and then out of nowhere not having you at all, also affected me! A lot! I know I provoked that and I'm sorry! I don't control the way I feel it just happened!"

"And I just wanted to let it out! Of course I was secretly hoping you'd say I'm in love with you too, but it wasn't the case and I've been dealing with it and finally made peace with that and I'm here tonight to tell you that I want my best friend back! That I'm moving on from it and that we may not end up together but I don't care about that anymore I just want you to know that I'm not giving up on our friendship, Gavi. Never. I'm back if you want me to be"

Pablo grabbed one of your arms and pulled you into him, you hugged his torso inmediately as he hugged you tighter

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" Pablo repeatedly leaving kisses in every place reachable for him, your neck, your cheek, eyelid, eyebrows, your ear, your temple, hairline, forehead, all of that without letting you go "I just missed you so much, I was having it bad and seeing you living your life as if you've never missed me broke me completely" He whispered sniffing "Of course I want you back, I love you so much, mi niña" He kissed you repeatedly as you hide your face in the crock of his neck

You didn't know but he just proclaimed his love for you, more than a friendly way, but decided against saying it out loud.

As much as it hurt him, he was the cause of the pain you've gone through these past months and now you were back into his arms and life, he wasn't going to fuck it up.

Two Weeks Later

"C'mon!" Pablo whined in the couch "I SWEAR TO GOD I WON PEDRI IN FIFA LAST TIME!"

"Maybe I was having compassion with you, Pablito" All of the presents in the room laughed as Pablo threw the control in anger to the couch

He went to the kitchen in hopes of finding a snack that could help his sour mood right now when he heard your laugh.

You were at Pedri's for a get-together. Now that you and Pablo mended things up you were spending more and more time together, the guys loving it since they had no more grumpy Pablo and a heartbroken you. And they were happy since they added one more person to your guys group. Samuel.

The guys loved him, of course the poor lad had to pass a test made by Pedri and the guys that joined him, but once that finished the guys cheered for you both and approved Samuel.

So, that meant he was also there with you in your get-togethers

It wasn't easy for Pablo now that he had discovered his true feelings for you, he always made sure to try and not look at the two of you when you were being affectionate. But it was hard, the damn fucker made you happy, your smile when you were around Samuel was three times bigger than usual and even tho Pablo loved to see that kind of smile on your pretty face, he wanted to be the one and produce it.

He couldn't help but walk over where the two of you were sitting a bit parted from the group since you had a bit of headache but didn't wanted to ruin the guys fun

You were reclined on the couch as Samuel was lying in between your legs with his face pressed into your chest, your hands were around his neck as his were around your torso, he was apparently telling you something funny to make you laugh like that.

The mood Pablo had from his mates teasing got worse when he saw you kissing Samuel. He knew he wasn't in place to reclaim something but he wanted to go there and push the guy out of your body.

Samuel's phone dinged as he sighed, if Pablo listened right he said something among the lines of "I have to go home, my little brother fell and sprained his ankle"

Pablo thanked his little brother but forgot you had to answer

"Oh god is Marcelo okay? Fucking hell, that doesn't look good. Let's go" At hearing that Pablo sighed. You were too caring, too lovely... Too perfect for this world to be true.

"Don't worry, princesa" He saw how Samuel wanted to get up but you tightened your holds on your hands and crossed your legs behind his back "Y/N" Samuel laughed

"What?" You asked smiling innocently

"This is a get-together with your friends, I don't want you to miss the fun to be in an hospital for god-knows-how-long with my screaming and annoying little brother-OW!"

"Marcelo is lovely, too bad he's only seven years old, I would've gone for him"

"You're so on" And then he heard your hysterical laughter once more and pleads for him to stop tickling you.

Pablo turned around and saw his sister standing there with crossed arms "Maldición, joder, Aurora" Pablo cursed out "You almost made me shit my pants"

"What are you doing watching Y/N and her boyfriend?"

"I wasn't watching them"

"I've been standing here like five minutes ago"

Pablo sighed "Okay... Maybe I was watching them"

"Why?" Pablo looked at his sister without saying anything as she soon gasped "No way!" She exclaimed a little too loudly

"Shhhh! Nobody knows it!" Gavi silenced her

"You're in love with Y/N?"

"Shhh!" Gavi shushed her pulling his hand up to his sister's mouth "No one knows it, so could you please be quiet about it?" Aurora nodded

"We neeed to talk" Pablo groaned grabbing his sister hand and bringing her over to Pedri's room "What the fuck is wrong with you?" She said inmediately after Pablo closed the door "She told you her feelings for you and you pushed her away!"

"Back then I didn't realized it! I started knowing right during World Cup, she didn't talked to me back then! It would have been a waste telling her and over text!"

"She called you!"

"I was confused!" Pablo exclaimed "If I had realized even before World Cup I wouldn't even have left Spain, fighting for her, but I realized in the middle of it, then when we were eliminated she sent me three texts and ghosted me once more! I fucked it up not reciprocating her feelings and to try and tell her over text: Hey, I realized I'm in love with you. Sorry for the pain I caused you back then. That would've been the worst thing ever! I've seen enough movies, TV shows and I have been with you and her for so long to know exactly what to do and what not to do!"

"When I saw her at the Supercopa I proposed myself to tell her, I wanted to kiss her when I saw her, when I held her I wanted to tell her everything and let her do whatever she wanted to and with me but then she appeared with that guy and with a light smile on, she told me 'He's my boyfriend' I wanted to die at that moment" Pablo shook his head running his fingers through his hair "I have put her through enough pain to just let that wound come back again! She seems happy with him and meanwhile he makes her happy, make her feel loved then I should be as well"

"You're going to love her from far away?" Pablo nodded with his hands on his face, he wanted to cry

"I think I lost my chance, rora"

"You haven't" Aurora said "She still loves you"

"But she's with him" Gavi looked at his sister, tears scaped from his eyes "I won't ruin that for her, I won't be the reason she's sad again" He shook his head "I will be there for her for everything and anything she needs me for, but I'm not ruining her relationship. I'll just wait for her, I'll wait"

Aurora was surprised by the determination on her younger brother, not suttering at all with his words, still, she felt proud, he knew he fucked up but also, he knew how to mend it and wait.

"Have patience, Pabs" She told him hugging her brother tightly "A lot of patience, you'll need it" Pablo nodded reciprocating the hug

"I will" He laughed

He was known for not having an ounce of patience, but he would gain the world's whole patience only for you. And he will do.

After having a moment, Gavi washed his face with water and headed down, to find no Samuel but you still laid on the sofa, he contemplated the fact of going towards the guys who probably will keep making fun of his bad FIFA skills or be with you.

Guess what he decided?

"Buenas" He said with a light smile catching your attention

"Hey, señorito" You smiled putting down your phone "Everything good?" Gavi nodded "What's up?"

"The guys keep making fun of me for being bad at FIFA" You scrunched your face a little

"I don't buy the 'I beat Pedri' thing either"

"BUT I DID!" He exclaimed making you laugh

"C'mere, Gavs" You fixed your position and patted the space on the couch, he just couldn't resist you so he ended up sitting next to you "The only one who can bully you it's me, so let's just sit here for a while and watch funny Tik Tok videos and cute puppy reels" He smiled sitting next to you

"Only because you said cute puppy reels" You smirked leaning over a bit for the two of you to see properly your phone screen

After an hour and half of watching funny videos on your phone, laughing, making comments and sometimes getting sad when something emotional happened, somehow you guys ended up cuddled up into each other.

You leaned into Gavi's chest, sat in between his legs as his back rested in the arm rest, his legs streched out as yours were pulled up at your chest, his arms wrapped around your frame.

Gavi stopped for a second, hearing you laugh, he smiled looking down at you, he indeed was stupid enough for not realizing his feelings soooner.

If he had done that, you could probably be like this but with another status, he sighed lightly accepting for now the fact you were with someone else but as you leaned more into him uncounsciously, giving him a smell of the delicious TRESemmé oil elixir you put to protect your hair and that he often found himself stealing a bit from, he realized he would fight for you, always. To have you by his side and make you happy.

Gavi kissed your hair and temple a couple of times before tightening his hold on you

"Something's wrong?" You ask lightly as he shakes his head

"...Don't think so"

One thing people also known Gavi for was that he was determinated, he never stopped until he had what he wanted.

And he wanted you.

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Tag list: @gaviypedrisbride @ariagonzalezsstuff @gaviswh0re

[posttexasstressdisorder]

Where we go from here...

It took me awhile last evening to get my mind in the right place to do the baking I had to do. I thought I would put on some music on my little radio station to kick my head into work mode. Tried some Glenn Gould playing Bach (always a go-to for morning coffee music), and it didn't hit right.

So I dialed up the huge mix I have titled "1969-72" and almost immediately started the long road back to feeling like myself. After about a half-hour, I was in the groove. Listened to the mix far into the night, after I'd finished working.

I managed to keep my focus and got the cookies all baked, and kiddo's mom happily packed them up and just left for her party, and I'm over here for the next couple of nights, sadly for my back. Two nights of "No Mattress For Old Men" and I'll need a week to recover, but hey...

Wanna thank all y'all for your comments and messages when I posted that I was prolly just gonna go black. Y'all loved me back off the ledge. Posted in a moment of true despair...something I haven't felt in awhile. I am hurting for all of us...and all of you. I have never in my long life been scared for the nation until now. Or at least that's what I thought. This feeling of complete despair, the emotional pain of millions of people, the hopelessness, the fear for the future...after I sat with it awhile I realized yes, that I have felt this same combination of toxic shit before.

In the 65 years I've been on this stinkin' rock, I've been through a number of particularly devastating previous elections, most notably the two Bush2(Dumbya) regimes. I remember the night of the 2004 election...Americans were posting tearful photos taken by their webcams, with them holding up signs saying "We're sorry."

I saw first-hand all the fights for rights that we have gained from the early '60s onward. To find ourselves set back to square one, 50-60 years later, when we had finally gained some footing toward fairness, is cruel. And cruelty is what they will wield as their main weapons in the coming days, as we suddenly find ourselves in the same predicament as 1963-65 when a virginal Joan Baez and little Bobby Dylan changed protest music forever.

So yes, I have felt this same way, and no, the nation didn't die or descend into complete chaos. Our lives went on, essentially as they had, with a growing pile of "things we can't do anymore" heaped atop via the collective wounding of 9/11.

This is another collective wounding--an intentional collective wounding. The next few months are going to be chaotic, they will try to push through their agenda as quickly as possible come january.

I may not post much overtly political stuff from this point on, but if I do it will be refocused on positive news. I don't know for certain how long that might last, but I can't take a 24/7 barrage of bad news and outrage bait. I'm probably gonna unfollow a few blogs, but don't think it's personal...it is Mental/Emotional Health Care.

And yes, I've been in the trenches with y'all a long time...we are all Family at this point...Brothers and Sisters in arms. I'm not leaving, but my presence/role will be different, out of the renewed sense of self-preservation this has thrust me into.

I woke up disoriented, but quickly remembered I'd gotten what I needed to get done done, and had a slow re-entry, sipping my coffee for a couple hours. I kept remembering how well the music had helped me last night, and then the beginnings of what this might turn into began to coalesce. Concepts of a plan. lulz.

As the day went on, I've been on a roller-coaster, emotionally, with seemingly hopeful leads on a roommate not materializing, on top of my craigslist ad for a roomie getting flagged and deleted. Pretty goddamn hopeless as far as this situation is going.

Looked at the huge box of cookies I'd managed to bake last night and it hit me. I've been reblogging the "Gooood Morning, TUMBLR!" graphics every morning up until the election. The image of Robin Williams being in character calling up the role of the military DJ.

Back when I did my cafe in the mountains of NM, a friend lent me a book called "Radio Venceramos", about South American rebels who had a radio transmitter and clamped the leads to the barbed-wire fences to broadcast their signal/programming to their fellow rebels.

Still not sure how the format will work out, but I've decided: my new role is going to primarily be the voice of inspiration over the air-waves to my fellow rebels. Not sure if it will be a second blog or if it will be a continuation of PTSD, but with no further ado, I will become the Voice of my fellow rebels with:

I may make a second blog out of it, but until then I guess I'll make it a series of posts. Tumblr will let you blog up to ten videos/post, and that may be how I start things out. Consider them like stacks of 45s and LP tracks from my paul-shaffer-brain...meant to help keep spirits up and keep the focus.

Made a couple of graphics, will probably try others in the course of it.

So the message today was "You did what you had to do. Heal up for what's ahead."

I will probably start this new focus in the morning...I'm still chewin'.

[mamaestapa]

Lover|| Joe Burrow x reader

•pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

•summary: Based off of “Lover” by Taylor Swift

•warnings: fluff, mentions of past relationships/break ups

We could leave the Christmas lights up ‘til January

And this is our place, we make the rules

And there’s a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you dear

Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?

“Y/n,” Joe said your name followed by an amused chuckle, “These lights have been up since November.” He gestured to the Christmas lights hanging up around the cabinets in the kitchen, along with the same lights that were draped around the fireplace mantel in the living room.

Joe was right, those gaudy Christmas lights have been up since November. But this was your place, so you make the rules about how long they can stay up.

“So?” you said with a shrug, “I say we leave them up until January.”

“January?” Joe asked with raised eyebrows. You nodded, a playful smirk pulling at the corner of your mouth, “Yeah, you got a problem with that scrooge?” Joe just rolled his eyes at your teasing statement. You plopped down on the cream colored couch, watching in amusement as your fiancé plugged the lights into the outlet.

“There,” he sighed as he stood from his bent over position, “you happy?” You smiled, holding your arms out and making grabby hands at Joe, “Very. Now come cuddle me.” A small smile pulled at Joes lips as he made his way over to the couch you sat on. Your features looking mysterious, and your eyes dazzling from the bright, golden sunset peeking in through the windows. Joe say down on the couch next to you, immediately wrapping his arms around your frame and pulling you into his embrace. You hummed contently as Joe started to rub his hands over the delicate skin of your biceps and forearm.

In the 20 some years that you’ve known Joe, you’ve never been more content with him than you were in that moment: Listening to the crackling fire of the fireplace, while looking at the Christmas lights you’d have up in the apartment ‘til January.

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out, and take me home

You're my, my, my, my

Lover

You sat in Joe’s warm embrace on the couch, the two of you soaking in the moment of spending time together. The regular season is coming to an end soon, but the Bengals are without a doubt heading to the playoffs once again this year. With the teams success and determination of being Super bowl champs this year, Joe has been putting all of his focus onto the game and his team recently. Of course, he spends time with you when he can, but it’s not nearly as much as he would during the off-season or start of the regular season. You understand his lack of spending intimate time with you though, football is important to him—it’s important to you, too. You know in a matter of minutes Joe will pull away from you to go watch film, but for now, you’re cherishing the moment spent just laying in your fiancés arms.

You felt Joe begin to move underneath you, causing you to frown. You held onto his arms that were draped over the front of your body now. He started to move his arms away from your body, making you whine slightly from the loss of his touch, “Don’t get up. Film can wait.” Joe smiled, “I know it can, but-.” He continued to try and move you away from his embrace so he could get off the couch, but you stopped him once again.

“Just stay please? I wish I could be this close with you, forever, but I’ll settle for a couple more minutes.” You pleaded up at your fiancé. Joe smiled at your words, leaning back into the couch. You heard Joe’s stomach rumble before he could say anything, making the two of you laugh.

“As I was saying, I wasn’t going to watch film. I was going to get a snack, and you are coming with me.”

You sat up, letting Joe get up from the couch. He grabbed your hand and brought you into the kitchen, pulling a barstool out for you to sit and watch while your lover prepared his much needed snack.

We could let our friends crash in the living room

This is our place, we make the call

And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you

I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)

You're my, my, my, my

Lover

As Joe satisfied his hunger with a snack of crackers and cheese, you were texting back and forth with your college friends Claire and Britt. They were going to be in Cincinnati for a wedding, and they needed a place to stay.

“Joe,” you saying his name made him snap his head up in your direction. “Yeah baby?” You placed your phone down on the counter and gave Joe your full attention. “My friends Claire and Britt are going to be in town this weekend. They need a place to stay for a night or two, and I thought maybe they could stay with us. You met them, remember?”

Joe nodded, “Britt was the brunette with the bangs and bright red lipstick, right?“ You laughed, thinking of your friend’s signature look since 2016. “Yes,” you confirmed, “that’s Britt.” Joe threw his plate in the trash and wiped the cracker crumbs off the marble counter tops as he spoke. “They can crash in the living room.”

You and Joe were currently looking for houses just outside of Cincinnati. While you were house hunting, the two of you were living in a one bedroom apartment not far from Paycor. You had enough room for the two of you, but not any other guest. So anytime you had friends or family visiting, they had to crash in the living room.

“You sure? It’s your call.” You asked, making Joe nod. “Yeah. I don’t mind.” he raised an eyebrow, “You on the other hand seem unsure.”

You shrugged and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, “I don’t know. I love her, but sometimes Claire gets a little too vocal about how hot you are and how lucky I am to be the one that gets to go home to you every night. I’m just a little suspicious that she wants you.” Joe pushed himself off the counter and chuckled as he walked up to you and wrapped his muscular arms around your body. He rest his chin on the top of your head and gently rocked your body back and forth as you stayed sitting.

“Well I don’t want her.” He planted a sweet kiss to your right temple, “I want you. It doesn’t matter if everyone who sees me wants me, since I only want you.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle as you smiled at his reassuring words. Joe is your lover, not anyone else’s. You’ve loved Joe for three summers now, and luckily for you, you’ll get to love him for all the summers you have left together.

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?

With every guitar string scar on my hand

I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover

My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue

All's well that ends well to end up with you

Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover

And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me

And at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover

You and Joe grew up together in the same neighborhood, with the two of you becoming best friends almost as soon as you met. Throughout your many years of friendship, you both experienced many things with each other that brought you even closer together and made your friendship even stronger. After going to prom together and walking with one another at graduation like you planned when you were only seven years old, you and Joe decided to attend Ohio State, together.

During your time at Ohio State, your friendship was the strongest it’s ever been. That was, until you and Joe found yourselves in your first real relationships. Joe was infatuated and absolutely in love with a sweet girl named Taylor, and you were in your own little world with a sophomore basketball player named Jason. You and Joe seemed happy in your relationships, but that was far from the truth.

You had feelings for Joe. There was something so magnetizing about him and who he was. You wanted to be more than just friends with him.

And you soon got your wish because Taylor broke Joe’s heart in the most brutal way possible. She cheated on him with one his best friends. You helped Joe through his heartbreak, helping your best friend realize that he too wanted to be more than just friends. Luckily for Joe, your heart was being borrowed by Jason. After your relationship with Jason came to an end, your relationship with Joe was able to flourish into what it is now.

You followed Joe to LSU and stuck by his side through the good and the bad. You swore to be true to him while he saved his dirtiest jokes just for you. You didn’t care where you were, as long as you needed up with Joe forever, you were happy. You were both happy.

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)

You're my, my, my, my

Oh, you're my, my, my, my

Darling, you're my, my, my, my

Lover

You texted your friends back, letting them know they could crash in your living room for the couple nights that they’re staying in Cincinnati. Joe grabbed your hand and pulled you off of the barstool, bringing you back into the living room. He plopped down on the couch and held his arms out to you, motioning for you to come lay with him.

“Come on Mrs. Burrow.”

“I’m not Mrs. Burrow.” You laughed, putting your hands on your hips. Joe smirked, “Yet,” he patted the cushion, “Come on. Don’t make me pull you down here.” You sauntered over to him, a playful smirk on your face. He grabbed your hands and pulled you down onto the couch with him, making you both laugh happily. You hovered over Joe as he cupped your face in his veiny hands, bringing his face inches from youre before placing a big smooch on your lips. You giggled at the contact of his lips on yours. The sweet sound of your laughter making Joe smile as his heart filled with joy. You kissed his lips once again, this time the kiss slow, sensual, and full of love and passion.

You wished to be this close with Joe forever. Luckily for you, your wishes would come true.

Because Joe Burrow was your lover—forever and ever.

hey loves!!

here is the first imagine for my taylor swift song imagine series! i hope you enjoyed it. lover is one of my favorite songs, and the album lover is also one of my favorites🩷

this imagine was a little meh, i apologize. only because i wasn’t sure how i wanted to write it! each imagine will be written differently. it’ll be based on the whole song (like this one was), based on just a lyric or chunk of lyrics, or just loosely based off of the song! i’ll be sure to do a variety :)

i also did not edit or proofread this, sorry in advance for any mistakes lol

i hope everyone is doing well! have a fantastic week loves. thank you for reading and continuing to support me and my writing, it means so much🤍🤍

tags: @burrowstyles5 @erinmartin1987 @wickedfun9 @bernelflo @stainednailpolishremover @msliz @caroline1019 @jordyn14 @alternativemadchen @m-1234 @ilovejoeburroww

(i don’t know why it won’t let me tag those three accounts, i’m so sorry!!)

[stonerskinny]

almost 1) downed three bottles of pills and half a bottle of fireball and 2) schedule sent a sewerslide note. but that was an hour ago and i have now put all of that stuff back in its place and prayed to my mother about my appointment that’s in like 7 hours now and decided that i accept defeat. on behalf of my eating disorder, that is.

i will never be satisfied with my weight or body for as long as i live in this eating disorder. and i have suffered enough. i have suffered abuse and abandonment at the hands of those who were supposed to love me since before i was born. i have done my fucking time and i think perhaps i don’t have to actually literally die to prove that to myself. and i already don’t need to prove it to anyone else because they all seem to be more aware of it than me somehow.

i am going to go wherever they tell me to go. i will probably sob about it if it isn’t residential, but i will go. and if it is residential then i will still sob but it will be like four hours later once im in the building. but i am begging and praying that my doctor signs my clearance letter and if she does — WHEN she does (#manifestation) — i will text my intake lady and ask her to change my admission to as soon as humanly possible. and they just had like three discharges and are 7 ppl below capacity so that may very well be like 10am tomorrow.

i fucking love you guys and i owe it to you all that i am still around rn. and i will miss you dearly when i am locked in eating disorder jail for god knows how long. because at the end of the day i guess i don’t know what the difference really is between 50k and 75k in medical debt. i’m gonna ignore it either way LMAO so like. whatever. i will call my cousin and ask her to co-sign a personal loan for me so i can get my house fixed and pay my lawyers and put a little money in my bank account to cover my deductible which i will meet by the end of the first week of january probably. and then my insurance will cover everything else for the rest of the YEAR and i can finish treatment and get a new job that i like more and experience life for the first time ever. and pay off my debt slowly but surely so i don’t ruin my cousins credit forever of course.

the thing is, at the end of the day, The Final Exit is literally always an option. so why not try my luck one more time at getting better? because i can’t know for sure that it wont stick this time. i can’t predict the future as much as i may wish i could, so instead of throwing in the towel before i even start i might as well make good on the steps i’ve already taken and the promises i’ve already made and just try it. one more time. and if it doesn’t work out then ill cut my losses and reevaluate. but who is Present Me to make a decision for Future Me?

i shall update y’all tomorrow after my appointment regardless of the outcome and if the outcome is admitting to res an hour later i will post the whole time im in the uber. hell ill take a fucking selfie when i get there and make it my profile pic until i discharge so y’all know where im at LMAO

[delusionalmultifandomwriter]

Heyy, can you do a fic, where Batman and Robin are driving through Gotham, relax and talk about life, while they get something to eat? Something cosy for a chill night story?

Oneshot

words: 1220

because you didnt specify, i picked Dick as Robin for this oneshot

Note: Dick is around 13 years old, takes place somewhere during the start of YJ S1.

Dick Grayson had an awful day at school. He nearly fell asleep during history class which luckily noone noticed but still he hated it, trying to keep his eyes open when all he wanted was to sleep for a full 24 hours, after that he slept through his lunch break and froze off his toes in the cold January weather while he tried to perform in a football game.

Normally, Dick was excited when Bruce came home because it meant that he would get to either do some training or go on patrol very soon. Tonight, he was sitting on the living room floor, laying on his English exercise book on the couch table and wanted to stay inside for the rest of his life time. Or at least until the snow started to melt.

Bruce entered the house and hanged his coat to dry next to the door. He made his way into the living room were he spotted Dick laying on his textbooks. "Are you trying to do or to crush your homework?" He asked smiling. Dick huffed and buried his face deeper into his arms.

"That bad?" Bruce's tone changed into a more concerned one as he approach Dick and sat down on the couch next to the boy. Dick grumbled something inaudible into his sweater sleeve.

"Come on, you have to talk to me. You are clearly not feeling the aster." Bruce said with a half-smirk. Dick groaned and lifted his head. "Im feeling the dis-aster." He groaned. Bruce leaned foreward and took a glance at Dick's textbook. "Shakespear, i see. That definitly is a disaster. What have you got so far?" He asked.

"The 'eye of heaven' is the sun." Dick grumbled. "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day." Bruce said dramatic. "I see." "I'll just google it." Dick mumbled and buried his head back into his arms. Bruce nudged Dick playfully. "Richard Grayson, i will pretend that i didn't hear that." He scolded him playfully.

Dick giggled and sat up to nudge Bruce back. Bruce parried the attack of the boy gently. Dick sat down next to him. "Do you want to go for a ride and eat some unhealthy food?" Bruce suggested. Dick smiled widely. "Yes please." Bruce got up and waved for him to come with him. "Come on, before Alfred catches us and forces nutritional dense food on us."

Dick smiled and followed Bruce, he swiftly put on his winter boots and his jacket. Bruce also put his coat back on and they headed into the garage to get into the car. The boy sat down on the passenger seat and put his seat belt on excisted.



Dick was eating some fries when Bruce pulled back on the street. They sat in silence until now but as Bruce drove through the streets he finally broke the silence. "So, is it only Shakespear that annoyed you today or did something else happen?"

Dick shrugged as an answer. "I don't know, today was just... mid." School was boring and we had PE outside and i was tired. It was all... okay." Bruce nodded while he sipped his coke. "I see. Want to talk about it?" He offered. Dick swallowed some fries he was munching on. He shook his head. "Not really. Just forget about it." He grumbled, the lights of Gotham passed by outside as Bruce drove outside of the city.

"Are we going on patrol later?" Dick asked. Bruce leaned back into his seat, holding the steering wheel with one hand. "If you want but i wouldn't mind when you stay in tonight and catch up on some sleep." Dick nodded and shrugged. "I don't know." Bruce smiled over at him. "You can still decide when we get home, you look like you could use a night off."

Dick sighed. "Do you think i can stay Robin forever?" He asked hesitantly. Bruce was not too shocked by the question, Wonder Woman brought the topic up a few times before.

"If you want, you can stay Robin forever." He answered. Dick nodded pensive as he looked out of the window. "If you ever want to become another alter ego, you can, of course. But you can always stay my partner." Bruce added. Dick smiled down on his milkshake before he took another sip.

"But don't you even dare calling yourself 'Captain Obvious', in that case i will have to end our partnership." Dick laughed. "It was Wally's idea, i swear." He argued. Bruce shook his head unbelieving but smiled a little. "That boy is full of bad ideas. Who even brought that topic up?"

"It's just... it was M'gann. She asked what connects us. I'm sure she didn't mean it but.... yeah." Dick said, Bruce could hear the sorrow in his voice. "Because our costumes have nothing in common."

Bruce huffed. "M'gann is still learning about earth." Dick shrugged. "I always thought people would know we belong together. We complement eachother perfect." He grumbled. "That's true. Well, at least all the villains we arrested know we are a team." Dick chuckled at Bruce's response.

"Do you like the team so far?" Bruce asked curiously. Dick nodded. "Yeah, it's amazing. Im excited to go on real missions with them. Although, Superboy doesn't really like the aster." Bruce chuckled. "I think he just doesn't get it." He answered. "He is also just getting used to earth. And also to your humour."

Dick nodded smiling. "Yeah, took you a while too." Bruce pretended to gasp dramatic. "I am outraged, although, you are probably right. You were a handful when i first took you in. You still are." Bruce chuckled.

"What did you hate most about me?" Dick asked straight away. Bruce huffed. "I took you in, i loved you. Although, you leaving all your stuff around in the manor probably put some stress on Alfred." Dick laughed. "Yeah, maybe." "You still leave your shoes everywhere." Bruce teased Dick.

Dick chuckled sheepishly. "Yeah... it is so i can.. ugh... for a top secret reason." Dick said and nodded fast. Bruce laughed. "Of course it is."

"Would you adopt another kid?" Dick asked between eating more fries. Bruce looked on the street thoughtful and stole a fries from Dick before answering. "Maybe. I never thought about adopting a kid when i took you in but i didn't regret you for a second. Maybe, if it happens. Would you like a sibling?"

Dick thought about it a moment. "I don't know. I never had a sibling before, i was always the only child. I like that it is only you and me for now. Maybe one day." Bruce nodded solemnly. "Sounds good." "What did you like most about taking me in?" Dick asked curiously.

Bruce thought for a moment before he smiled to himself. "I was very fond of your 'hug attacks'." Dick laughed in response. "You haven't done that in a while, how come?" Bruce asked. "I thought i was getting too heavy for it. I could probably knock you over." He admited sheepishly.

Bruce smirked. "Nothing, can knock over The Batman." Dick nodded slowly. "So... can i do it?" He asked. "Always, even when you are taller than me." Bruce answered quickly. Dick smirked. "I will attack you when you least expect it, Bossman."

[definedbydaylight]

“It’ll Be The Last Time” - Matty Healy x F!Reader

Part 3

Masterlist: .°˖✧ Word Count: 2341 Warnings: angst, angst, and more angst, this whole series will have so much angst, also alcohol, smoking, drug use/mentions and a little smut as a treat xx also if you think any of my fics will include an accurate timeline of real life events then you're on crack

Series Summary: “You’ve known Matty since you were 14 and the boy has never failed to get on your last nerve, but over the years you two end up having unexplainable moments where you can’t help but feel you two are connected in a way you’ll never feel with anyone else, until one night he tells you something that may change how you view the boy forever…”

January 13th 2011

It's almost midnight and you're about to give a small speech in honor of the album, you're off to the side of the DJ Booth with Kelsey and the boys, well all except for Matty who still hasn't said a word to you in the hour that he's been here, you're both thankful and a little disappointed. Ross rubs your shoulders as Kels gives you the traditional best friend motivation spiel, you can't help but smile as you take in all the love and support from your favorite people, just as she finishes the DJ fades the music out and introduces you to the crowd, it's your turn to take the stage, as you walk on and take the mic your group cheers loudly.

"Haha yes thank you. Um, hello! I'm y/n l/n and I'm sorry to the club goers who are about to be subjected to my sad music, I promise some of them have at least an upbeat tune, and it's good music, well I think so anyway, some may say otherwise-"

"IT'S FUCKIN BRILLIANT!" George yells from the side.

"Oh lord, that's my dear friend George so he's a little biased, but thank you love. Anyway this album means a lot to me really, it's a collection of very personal songs, some that I've been working on probably years now. A lot of teenage angst went into this album which I think you'll be able to tell, and uhh, god I'm actually so nervous." You try to take even breaths as the crowd cheers you on.

"Right, so as a surprise I'm actually going to be performing my personal favorite song on the album, which I actually began writing at 18 and have been tweaking over the years, George the lovely fellow actually did the drums on this song cause I knew I wanted a good percussion track. Give him a round of applause as well." You pause and clap along with everyone else looking at him, he gives a small wave as you introduce the song. "Anyway this is Decode off of With Your Permission."

George enters the stage and takes a seat at the drums as the guitar starts you in, you look up to the crowd and make direct eye contact with Matty who stands perfectly centered in the small crowd, arms still tightly wrapped around the girl he brought, you feel your stomach turn.

How can I decide what's right? When you're clouding up my mind I can't win your losing fight All the time-

The crowd actually goes wild at the beginning of the song, the song which you'd been so worried no one would like or understand, but they're actually loving it. The confidence builds up inside you as you continue singing, Matty has stopped looking at you as this point and is violently making out with the girl as you approach your best verse, the verse about him.

-The truth is hiding in your eyes And it's hanging on your tongue Just boiling in my blood-

You're staring at him as he looks up at the perfect time for the song to make an impact on him.

-But you think that I can't see What kind of man that you are If you're a man at all Well, I will figure this one out

On my own (I'm screaming, I love you so) On my own (But my thoughts you can't decode)-

Kelsey is going crazy screaming along because of course you showed your best friend the songs beforehand, you'd never put anything out without her approval, her opinion is the only one in the world that really matters, the drum line intensifies as you begin to finish out the song.

-There is something I see in you It might kill me, I want it to be true

You're done and the crowds is cheering non-stop, George jumps up from his spot and rushes over scooping you up in his arms, he gives your cheek a kiss as he spins you around, soon Kelsey, Ross and Adam have also joined you on stage in a giant group hug of praise.

You're laughing as you try to bring the mic back up to your mouth. "And these are my amazing best friends, as you can see I have a wonderful support system, thank you all for listening, here is the rest of With Your Permission!" The DJ starts the next track as you all exit the stage.

You're all making your way over to your seating area, fresh drinks waiting for you at the table, but so is someone.

"Good performance, interesting song choice." Matty speaks up from his seat, the girl he was with nowhere to be seen.

"Thanks." Is all you can manage to say, George's arm around your waist tightens ready to defend you if he said anything rude.

"I got you a dirty shirley." Matty uses the tips of his fingers to push it towards you as you take a seat. "Still your favorite right?"

You give him a small smile, his tone sounds almost sad, but kind. "Always will be."

The rest of your friends sit, you've ended up between Matty and Kelsey in the rounded booth, and the conversation starts up easily. It feels like no time has passed when you're all together, like no matter what happens between anyone, the group will survive. Adam says something about some guy who he noticed has been pacing the bar back and forth hitting on every girl he can, and everyone laughs, noticing all his failed attempts. Matty adjusts his sitting position and his thigh rubs against yours and you take a sharp breath in at the close contact, no one really notices, no one except Matty of course who's turned to look at you, you can't help but look back at him.

He smiles at you. "So Decode?"

"Oh lord, not this." You laugh a little and put your face in your hands.

"No, no, it's good, bloody brilliant really. I reckon it'll be stuck in my head for a few weeks." He sounds flirty, and with all the alcohol in your system you can't really help but enjoy it.

"Yea?" George speaks up from the other end of the booth. "You should really listen to Under The Table, haven't gotten it out of my head since I first heard it."

"Ross has had to deal with me constantly playing the Like Real People do track you sent me on repeat for the last month, absolutely my favorite!" Kelsey gushes to you.

"Personally I say How Do I Tell You? is the best but I might be biased cause I helped with the guitar on it." Adam pipes in as well.

You smile big at all your friends singing their praise for your music.

"You've all heard them before?" Matty asks, sounding a little hurt.

Summer 2006:

It's a cold night, you've got a thick black cardigan wrapped around you as you sit on your front steps, smoking a joint you'd swiped from George the last time you'd seen him, which had been a while ago now. A few weeks after the party you two had decided to call off your situationship, nothing bad it was mutual, you both decided the weird tension the whole party ordeal had caused was too much, he was still one of your best friends. Everyone had staged a makeshift "intervention" for you, George and Matty to get over the whole thing, and it had gone surprisingly well, well enough that you were actually sat waiting for Matty to pick you up for a party. Kelsey had taken Ross on a trip with her family to Ireland, Adam was visiting with his dad's side of the family, and George had gone to California with his, so you and Matty had been trying to fill the gaps in your social life together.

You finish the joint as you see Matty's van pull up outside, you toss the end of the joint down and stub it out with your boot as you stand up making your way around the car to the passenger side, you hop in and Matty is looking at you with a huge grin on his face.

You look at him weird and laugh. "What's with the serial killer smile?"

"I have a surprise for you, but you have to wait till the party." He says turning forward and pulling out of your driveway as you buckle yourself in.

"Honestly terrified of what you have up your sleeve." You try to reach forward to change the radio station but Matty smacks your hand.

"Hey! Anyway you shouldn't be scared, in fact you should be kissing my fucking ass." He smirks still watching the road.

"Oh yeah?" You ask, raising an eyebrow. "And why is that Matthew?"

"Well you see June Bug." You groan at the nickname. "I happen to get my hands on something you've been dying to try."

You whip your head towards him, eye wide. "No! No you did not! Don't lie to me right now, I will be so mad if you're messing with me."

"Glove compartment." He winks at you.

You don't waste a second, you quickly open the compartment and resting inside on top of random papers and a car manual is a small baggie with white powder inside, you squeal and try to reach for it as Matty smacks your hand again.

"I said to wait till we're at the party!" He says seriously.

"But whyyyyy?" You whine.

"Cause it'll be your first time and I need to make sure we're safe before you ingest a drug you've never tried before."

You roll your eyes at him. "Don't say that like it's not your first time too."

"Well, actually-" He starts.

"Matthew Timothy Healy! You promised we'd try it together!" You pull out the puppy dog eyes.

"Listen love, I needed to make sure it wasn't janky coke, I didn't want it to kill you or something, needed to know what we were getting into so I could be sure you'd be okay." You smile at that.

"Oh Matty." You say leaning your head on his shoulder. "Always my knight in shining armor, the man who cares about me the most."

"Oh fuck off." He laughs, shrugging you off his shoulder.

He parks the car down a side street and grabs the baggie before you two make your way into the party, not one of Josh's this time, but a friend of his that he'd invited you both to, who also happened to live in a GIANT house, bigger than Matty's even. You both opt to do shots before anything else, you mention needing to be intoxicated to deal with the awful choice of music, Matty smiles and agrees with you taking your hand and dragging you to the kitchen to find something.

After a few vodka shots he grabs a 6 pack of ciders and you both made your way to one of the, what you assume is, many bathrooms, you enter and lock the door setting up camp for the events that are about to take place. You crack open two ciders as Matty sets up two lines on the counter and rolls up a one pound note.

"Okay so basically-" He starts to explain.

"I know how to do it Matty, we've seen it in movies plenty of times." You interrupt.

"Right, sorry I forgot movies are the best form of education, miss know-it-all, but whatever there is one thing you need to know, the drip back is awful so prepare for a bad taste in the back of your throat." He then takes his line and tilts his head back.

He hands the rolled up note to you and presents the line to you like an absolute dork, you turn to the counter and take your turn, tilting your head back afterwards like he had. He was right, the taste was god awful, but the feeling overshadowed the taste, you turn to him eyes wide.

"Holy fuck." Is all you say and he starts laughing. "No I'm serious Matthew this is fucking awesome."

"Yea?" He asks, smiling at you.

"Yes, god I could kiss you right now." You laugh.

He just stares at you smiling, and you can't help but smile at him even larger, you're both just sitting on the bathroom floor now, staring and giggling at each other, smiles never leaving your faces. You both take another line and afterwards you reach for a second cider, you drink trying to wash the taste out and some of it drips down the side of your mouth, as you set the can down Matty's hand comes up to your face to wipe off the liquid, his thumb slightly touches the corner of your mouth and it's like the same switch had been flipped as it had at the dance.

In seconds you two are on each other like rabbits in heat, but it's not fast paced, in fact it's almost antagonizing how slow it is, but it's amazing nonetheless, like if what you felt with him the first time you kissed times ten. Your mouths moved in perfect sync, the taste of his tongue on yours was almost as addicting if not more than the high you both had. He quickly scoops you up and sets you up on counter and pulls you forward so your bodies are flush against one another, one hand now on you jaw as his other has made its way up your leg and under your skirt, his thumb rubbing at your inner thigh, you can feel the wetness pooling in your underwear as he pulls away to breath.

"Fuck- Matty." You whine.

"Yea baby? What do you want?" He asks, his lips making their way to the crook of your neck.

"You, want you." Your hand tugs on his curls and he moans.

His hand toys with the edge of your underwear as he speaks. "Then have me June Bug."

Part 4 (coming soon-ish)

a/n: whelp here it is, sorry for the smut tease i couldn't help it, i promise the next part will have actual smut, anyway past Matty and reader have reconciled! but future Matty and reader are still iffy but who knows?? huh? anyway a chapter to end the night xx

[deceptivemorals]

bridgerton au

elijah, the 5th duke of chandos.

elijah was born on 24. January 1785 as the second son and third child of mikael, the 4th duke of chandos, and esther. he has one older sister which he didn't really know until later on because she was sent to live with relatives and three younger brothers as well as one younger sister.

as a second son, he was initially not expected to inherit the title. nevertheless, high expectations and demands were placed on elijah by his father. mikael tolerated neither weakness nor mistakes, and the reputation of his family was very important to him. it was not wise to anger or disappoint him. elijah grew into a very accurate, mindful and dutiful man.

elijah was sent to eton and eventually went off to oxford for college. he first studied law because that's what his father expected of him. he passed this degree with very good grades and was allowed to attend additional courses in philosophy and political economy after his father’s permission (and because he was not the heir), which he also completed very well.

when elijah was twenty, he fell madly in love with tatia, a widow who had lost her husband at a very young age. this did not stop elijah from wanting to marry her. mikael forbade this union, not only because tatia was a widow, but also because he did not consider her to be worthy and befitting for his second son. mikael forced elijah to stop courting tatia and made sure tatia didn’t want to know about elijah anymore.

this broke elijah’s heart and he vowed not to love anymore to protect himself.

in 1808, when elijah was 23, elijah's older brother finn fell in love with a woman which mikael also didn't deem befitting to be wed to finn. unlike, elijah, however, finn wasn't intimidated by mikael's threats and decided to follow his heart. mikael disowned finn and stripped him of his position and titles, therefore making elijah the heir.

mikael’s attention was therefore even more on elijah and elijah tried to meet the requirements of his claims. elijah had originally wanted to take a different path, but since he was now the heir, he had to realign his future plans. he is aware of his great responsibility and does not want to disappoint his family. he also knows that he cannot impose the burden of being heir on any of his younger brothers who would be more unprepared than he would be. his father wanted elijah to marry and produce heirs himself to ensure their title would not be lost for his line but elijah could evade that, still not ready to open up to another woman, no matter if love was involved or not

in 1811, mikael didn't return from a travel to new orleans. the ship had capsized and he was considered lost. at the end of 1811, elijah was made the 5th duke chandos.

shortly before the start of the 1813 season, esther died in a 'household accident' at their ancestral home sudeley castle. not much is known to the public about this accident. since esther no longer holds the position of dowager countess and there is no new countess, the pressure on elijah to find a suitable woman to lead the family increases. he knows he can’t avoid it forever, but he wants his siblings taken care of first.

his family is the most important thing to elijah and he always puts them first, even at the expense of his own personal happiness.

elijah is considered the perfect gentleman, he is educated, polite and has manners. unlike many of his age group and position (and unlike his younger brothers), he is not particularly interested in mistresses or gambling or betting. he is, however, considered as reserved and keeps his emotions close to his chest, is morally upstanding, and values honor. respect is important to him as well as virtue. do not break your word or he'll let you fall.

due to his position, the fact that he is not yet wed and his traits, elijah is considered a very desirable bachelor.

attending public events, especially during the wedding season, is therefore very stressful for elijah. however, he has to expose himself to these efforts and endure them patiently because he has to represent his family.

[caltropspress]

RAPS + CRAFTS #30: blackchai

1. Introduce yourself. Past projects? Current projects?

Ayoo, I go by the name of blackchai, preferably stylized in all lowercase. I started out rapping under the name JinSol, but I think I scrubbed 98% of that shit off the internet. I’m based in Brooklyn, but I grew up a little outside NYC in Putnam County. I’ve been releasing as blackchai since either late 2019 or early 2020 - I forget exactly. I put out my first EP titled No Expectation in August 2020. My first full length titled Time & A Place came out April 2022, followed by 2 EPs A Momentary Lapse in October 2022, and SECOND WIND produced entirely by my good friend/collaborator, a haunted house, in January 2023. My most recent release as of right now is my album Year Wandering which released March 2024. My next album OTHERWISE A BLUR is set to release September 6th and that is fully produced by August Fanon, who has also been a friend of mine since before we even started making music together.

2. Where do you write? Do you have a routine time you write? Do you discipline yourself, or just let the words come when they will? Do you typically write on a daily basis?

I find it easiest to write in the comfort of my bedroom. I work best in solitude. Over the years I have usually written the majority of my stuff late at night, but lately I’ve found I have better ideas in the morning before the day has a chance to influence my mind state. 

I’m a notoriously slow writer as in I can probably count on less than two hands how many verses I’ve written in a single sitting, but lately I’ve been trying to push myself to write faster without second guessing myself or losing my attention span, and it’s been working somewhat.

I find that I kind of go back and forth with how disciplined I am in terms of writing every day, but I prefer to always be in a constant state of having “something” that I’m working on, even if I don’t make daily progress. The only time I don’t have an unfinished verse on my plate is if I’m doing an album rollout or in the mixing process or something like that. Not being in the middle of some kind of creative process gives me really bad anxiety.

3. What’s your medium—pen and paper, laptop, on your phone? Or do you compose a verse in your head and keep it there until it’s time to record?

When I started rapping it was all pen and paper, but I have horrible handwriting as well as horrible eyesight so it’s been strictly Notes app for the past few years. There are some things I’ve done in my head and wrote down later, but usually like 4-8 bars. Nothing crazy. My short term memory is unfortunately very compromised at this point in my weed smoking career.

4. Do you write in bars, or is it more disorganized than that?

I kind of write in spaced out lines depending on how connected each phrase is to the previous one. I use a lot of my own shorthand to signify pauses and things like that, but sometimes I don’t really solidify the way I’m going to rap the verse until I’m actually recording. It’s a lot easier to rap without breathing when reciting under your breath than when trying to project into a mic. When I started, I would just write in a big paragraph, but I kept losing my place. I used to be able to memorize my verses before recording. but my style has developed into a very stream-of-consciousness word soup sort of thing, so now I don’t usually have anything locked in until after it’s recorded.

5. How long into writing a verse or a song do you know it’s not working out the way you had in mind? Do you trash the material forever, or do you keep the discarded material to be reworked later?

If it doesn’t start out strong, typically I’ll scrap it and start over. Either that or if I write like half a verse then don’t come back to it until days later I can’t pick up the same energy and struggle trying to actually end the thing and it just goes on for way too long and feels redundant. I am a big believer in recycling lines for future use. Sometimes it’ll just be one phrase that I know I need to be a part of a verse. I just need the right beat or placement or whatever. But very rarely do I ever fully delete something. There's always some gold nuggets in a subpar verse.

6. Have you engaged with any other type of writing, whether presently or in the past? Fiction? Poetry? Playwriting? If so, how has that mode influenced your songwriting?

So my first girlfriend in high school was a writer. She was writing a novel when we were like fifteen. I’ve always admired people who can write in more traditional structures, but I just don’t possess that skill set. I never knew how to write essays that sounded natural in English class. I always felt like I couldn’t break away from that rigid template they give you when you’re in elementary school. That’s why I really like writing raps. I get to be a writer without having to care about the rules. As a rapper, you can fully disregard grammar, you can make words up, etc. I learned all that studying people like Ghostface Killah and Vordul Mega. But growing up I was definitely reading earlier than a lot of kids my age, and as an adult I really appreciate people like Cormac McCarthy and Tolkien and people like that. They write so descriptively it’s amazing, and I try to take some influence from that in the way I write raps.

7. How much editing do you do after initially writing a verse/song? Do you labor over verses, working on them over a long period of time, or do you start and finish a piece in a quick burst?

I don’t necessarily labor but definitely the past few years as I’ve been taking this more seriously I’ve put in extra effort to edit my lyrics. Especially because my flow is in such weird pockets sometimes, I have to be really specific about how I say some things so I don’t get lost in the beat. Anything from rearranging bars to fully rewriting some things.

8. Do you write to a beat, or do you adjust and tweak lyrics to fit a beat?

Most of the time I write to a beat. Sometimes I’ll have a few lyrics in my head that I think of while walking, taking the train, etc. Recently I’ve been writing one verse while switching between beats. It helps when I start to feel like I’m losing momentum. The beat usually tells you what it wants and sometimes my ideas clash with that, so it takes some searching to finesse the formula. Sometimes I’ll have an old verse I never did anything with and I’ll get a new beat and it just fits perfectly. But I don’t do it in the same way Talib Kweli apparently used to do. I'm not tryna rap super fast and sound crazy just to get a verse off.

9. What dictates the direction of your lyrics? Are you led by an idea or topic you have in mind beforehand? Is it stream-of-consciousness? Is what you come up with determined by the constraint of the rhymes?

I don’t typically write songs about any singular thing. Sometimes it’s a general vibe and I’ll address multiple things that kind of fit that idea even if they’re not directly related, and sometimes I’m just rapping and making references to anime and things I think are cool. I try not to let it get too jarring content-wise, but at the same time I’m a self-proclaimed student of Ghostface, so I don’t care too much if people don’t get it. I’ve definitely been told I’m very stream-of-consciousness by multiple people. I’d say in general the average blackchai song has sprinkles of Marxism, anime references, interpolations of 90s rap lyrics, and just general ruminations on the way I navigate through life and things I observe on a daily basis. And then all the blank spaces are filled with slang or just general “talking my shit” rapper guy stuff. Nothing too crazy. But I definitely do want to put in the effort in the future to write more concentrated songs. I don’t want to be a one trick pony, especially now that I’m getting more optics as an artist.

10. Do you like to experiment with different forms and rhyme schemes, or do you keep your bars free and flexible?

I go through phases. I think the thing that comes most naturally to me is flow, so that is usually the thing I like to experiment with the most. I’ve been in a very rapid fire kind of bag for a minute, which is a lot of fun. I did a lot of features just rapping super fast this past year. I also am a big fan of writing non-rhymes or ending bars with words that don’t rhyme. I know a lot of people, mostly older heads, hate that style these days along with the drumless beats and all that, but it’s where I feel I shine the most and can be the most creative. I rap mostly over loops, so there’s less constraints with the way I can actually land my rhymes and everything. But like I said before, the beat usually tells me what it needs. Lyrics are the tougher part for me.

11. What’s a verse you’re particularly proud of, one where you met the vision for what you desire to do with your lyrics?

One of the bonus tracks off Year Wandering titled “All For The Win." The album itself was largely inspired by the manga Vagabond and the themes explored in that and the song kind of encapsulates that. There’s a throughline that I repeat that goes “From preoccupied with the leaves to invincible under the sun,” which is nearly a direct quote from the manga and basically the whole theme of Musashi Miyamoto's character journey as well as my own kind of declaration of artistic growth. Where I’ve been and where I want to be. Reflecting upon being some kid writing horrible rhymes in my mom's living room to working with people I’ve been a fan of for years and having people tell me I’m their favorite rapper. I just think this is the best example of me mixing contemplative ideas right next to my usual brand of non-sequitur lyricism. Plus a really dope reference to Cannibal Ox that is just so much fun to rap on stage.

The usual intent’s not a spectacle the proof’s in the outcome I’m counting flaws to strike a healthy balance From preoccupied with the leaves to invincible under the sun Contemplating parts of myself that’s hard to face Placating the anger that’s building up from day to day Made a wish, made a plan  Sometimes it’s an aim and a miss but gained an understanding regardless My heart’s a big lender Depart with less than what I need to fill the chest up Blades drawn like a breath  Duress often but can’t halt the flesh  It’s the best of times Measure my regrets next to gratitude it’s too many hard questions Not enough in mind to concentrate Binded by fate with my brothers  Keep it in conversation Fuck a wait list I hate wasting time more than most things in my peripheral  Direct line of sight manifesting pictures from a past life Tryna simply grab it, inhabit the space I’m happy to play a part pondering til the dark divide Niggas is wildin’ I think you better find yourself - before you get ejected from the deep end My shell monumental mechanical found ghost Effortless like a cold reservoir of blood in the vessel Known unknowns  It’s the presence of ancestors weaponizing the mental Head in the sky Treasure refinement  It’s no sweat  Don’t hold me on shit I never said that’s my only lesson to give at the moment Pay attention Unsteady on the way in the present’s a testament to resolve My whole body and soul get the message Surrender control? Probably not It’s dark and Hell is hot as the block in the dead of winter Sounds like a personal problem you probably deserve it dawg Don’t make me call it off it’s all for the win You probably deserve it dawg Usual intent’s not a spectacle the proof’s in the outcome I’m counting flaws to strike a healthy balance From preoccupied with the leaves to invincible under the sun

12. Can you pick a favorite bar of yours and describe the genesis of it?

Off the song “Feed The Land” from Year Wandering:

High risk high reward Formula been tired no time to react $30 til the next check what we scrambling? Don’t take it for granted like God gave up the answers Feed The Land

I really like this one because it’s one of the more straightforward things I’ve ever written. I was literally in my kitchen making an egg scramble of random things in my fridge because I was broke and couldn’t afford to buy food until my next check. Very simple but I remember every detail and it was just a very real relatable thing. Nothing esoteric about it, just struggle turned into art.

13. Do you feel strongly one way or another about punch-ins? Will you whittle a bar down in order to account for breath control, or are you comfortable punching-in so you don’t have to sacrifice any words?

I don’t do them personally, mostly just because I usually record by myself and it’s annoying to do. But I don’t have an issue with them as a stylistic choice. There’s plenty of punch-ins on like Only Built 4 Cuba Linx, Ironman, Funcrusher Plus, etc. I like to be able to actually rap my own stuff live though. I hate the whole “live show karaoke” thing. Especially in the underground scene. Maybe I’d do them if I had a hypeman or something.

14. What non-hiphop material do you turn to for inspiration? What non-music has influenced your work recently?

I mentioned before I like to interpolate lyrics from a lot of 90s rap, but I do this tenfold with rock music. I played guitar before I started rapping and played in a few bands, so I am super pretentious about indie rock/emo/punk etc. I really don’t listen to a lot of rap when I’m writing. At least not a large variety. I’ll usually hyperfixate on one or two rap albums at a time when creating because I don’t want to be influenced too much in that way, but I’ll bump a huge variety of guitar music. 

Like when I was writing Time & A Place the only rap album I was listening to was OB4CL, but I was also listening to a ton of Jawbreaker, Cloud Nothings, Rilo Kiley, Mannequin Pussy, and this Japanese band Number Girl. And when I was writing OTHERWISE A BLUR the only rap I was listening to was like 2016-2017 Mach-Hommy, but I spent most days listening to Interpol and these random obscure indie bands with like 200 Spotify listeners. 

I’m also in the middle of reading Blood Meridian. Other than that, my main non-music inspirations/influences are just whatever shows I’m watching. I watch The Sopranos about four times a year, so that's a permanent fixture and source of reference. I just rewatched YuYu Hakusho. And then whatever communist/leftist literature I’ve read will pop up now and again. Obviously some Marxist stuff, Kwame Ture, Malcolm X, Huey Newton, etc. but I wouldn’t call myself a thoroughly read or educated person in that regard.

15. Writers are often saddled with self-doubt. Do you struggle to like your own shit, or does it all sound dope to you?

I didn’t like anything about my own music until like my last two projects, for the most part. I hated my voice. I took a long time getting comfortable on the mic. Things like that. But I feel like I’ve really started to feel and sound like the artist I’ve always wanted to be. Going back to my older stuff, now I see the merit in it, but at the time I hated almost everything I put out by the time I put it out. I really love this next album I’m about to drop though. I also made it in a significantly shorter timeframe than anything else I’ve done, so I haven’t had the chance to grow to hate it.

16. Who’s a rapper you listen to with such a distinguishable style that you need to resist the urge to imitate them?

Definitely billy woods and E L U C I D. I’m a huge fan, and they both have definitely influenced me a ton, but sometimes I stop myself from listening to Armand Hammer while I’m making stuff. Especially while making this record with August Fanon - haha. Aside from them, I’d say a lot of people in the scene in New York right now. Like people I see at shows and know personally. Like it’s one thing to subconsciously bite a rapper that you know from a distance, but when it comes to people who are closer to your level or whatever, you want to kind of maintain a sense of friendly competition. I like the idea of everyone having their own style. It’s like super powers. Spider-Man and Human Torch are homies, but they can’t do what the other does.

17. Do you have an agenda as an artist? Are there overarching concerns you want to communicate to the listener?

When I was a child I think the first thing I ever wanted for my future was to be an artist. I don’t even know why or what kind of artist I wanted to be. I just liked things like that. I also wanted to be a ninja. Presently, I just want to make a mark and be a part of rap-lore. When I started rapping, one of the more formative influences for me was The Juggaknots but I’ve never met anybody outside of hardcore rap nerds who even know who they are, but Breeze is like the best rapper ever. If I can do that for some kid 20 years from now, that’d be crazy. 

Obviously the deeper I get into this and the more things I accomplish that I never thought possible there will be more things I strive to achieve, but my initial goal was just to be a dope rapper who other rappers think is dope and just do cool shit because I can put words together in a cool and interesting way. And I kind of feel like I finally opened the door for that possibility. I can’t go to a show in New York without running into someone I know through music. I’ve even been recognized by strangers a couple times in the crowd of billy woods shows and stuff, which is really insane, and kind of weird.

There’s messages and beliefs I have that I put into my music, but I was never someone who wanted to make political music or anything like that. It’s a good gateway, but I’m not a professor. You can learn a lot more about revolutionary politics by reading books than from listening to Public Enemy, but a lot of people probably didn’t even form an interest in black leftist politics until Chuck D screamed into their ear about the Black Panthers. I suffer from really bad depression and anxiety. I wouldn’t feel comfortable counseling someone on their own mental health issues, but maybe my music might inspire someone to take action for themselves. Just having a positive tangible effect on people is really all you can hope for.

RAPS + CRAFTS is a series of questions posed to rappers about their craft and process. It is designed to give respect and credit to their engagement with the art of songwriting. The format is inspired, in part, by Rob McLennan’s 12 or 20 interview series.

Photo credit: E. Fortson

[samynnad102687]

Marauderstober

Oct 15- Wolfstar- Pumpkin Patch Stargazing

1,156 words

Sirius was bored and he wanted to go somewhere and do something. But what? James was off with Regulus doing something that Sirius didn’t want to think about. Remus was in the library, working on something for work. But he had been in there for a while and really should be taking a break. Now the question was, ‘How to get the workaholic to take a break?’ Sirius was sitting on the couch and tapping his chin in contemplation when he had a notification pop on his phone. That’s perfect.

Sirius went to the kitchen and made them both a cup of hot chocolate before padding his way to the library to coax his husband away from his work. Remus had been holed up in the library for the last five hours and it wasn’t that Sirius was needy or anything but he missed him and wanted to spend some time with him before he had to go on that stupid business trip. Sirius pushed open the door to the library slowly and looked around. Remus was sitting at the desk in the corner, hunched over a stack of papers and books with a pen in his mouth that was probably thoroughly chewed on. 

“Moony?” Sirius asked cautiously as he made his way over to the desk. Remus hadn’t noticed him yet.

Sirius stood there for a couple more minutes just watching his husband work. How does this man make everything he does look hot? He set the mug done on the desk but away from the papers and tried again.

“Moony,” Sirius said a little more firmly and Remus looked up.

“Oh, hey. How long have you been standing there?” Remus asked quietly.

“A couple of minutes.” Sirius shrugged. “I brought you some hot chocolate.”

“Thanks,” Remus said as he took a long sip from the mug and stared at Sirius suspiciously. “There’s something you’re not saying, what is it?”

“You’ve been working too long and need to take a break,” Sirius replied after a couple of minutes. 

“And what did you have in mind? I can see the gears spinning so don’t tell me you don’t already have an idea.” 

“I want to go to the pumpkin patch.”

Remus took another long sip of his hot chocolate as he thought about it. Sirius was waiting, not so patiently. 

“Okay. Give me ten minutes to clean this up and then we can go,” Remus agreed after a few minutes.

~~

Sirius and Remus made it to the pumpkin patch around six in the evening and the sun was starting to descend below the horizon. It was the perfect time. Still enough light to walk around the patch and look at all of the pumpkins, maybe they will pick one up on the way home to carve, and not too long of a wait before the stars become visible. Sirius packed a blanket and some snacks so that they could have a little picnic while they stargaze. 

They were walking hand-in-hand and enjoying the feeling of having each other close. Sirius is going to savor every bit of Remus that he can get now because next week Remus will be leaving for a week and he will have to resort to bugging his brother. He could already hear Regulus getting annoyed with him. There were other couples walking around the pumpkin patch and families with small children picking out their pumpkins to take home and carve. It was such a surreal scene that Sirius’ younger self never thought he would get to have. 

Now that the sun was gone and the sky was glittering with the stars above, Sirius and Remus picked a spot a little farther away from the other couples and laid the blanket down on the grass. He had found a patch with a clear view of the sky. Unfortunately, his name sake won’t be visible until December and Regulus won’t be visible until January. But that wasn’t going to stop him from stargazing with Remus and telling him about all the stars that were available to them. Sirius could talk about the stars forever or at least until Remus told him to stop. 

Once they were lying down, Sirius put his head on Remus’ chest and started pointing out the different stars and constellations.

“There is Andromeda attached to Pegasus,” Sirius said as he pointed to a line of stars that looked like a tail. “And if you look straight down from the middle star, you can see Jupiter tonight.”

When Sirius looked up at Remus, he was smiling softly and nodding his head as he listened to Sirius. It made him feel all warm inside and he hoped that that feeling never went away. Sirius didn’t know what he would do if he ever lost Remus.

“You know, you can tell me to shut up whenever I’m talking too much,” Sirius told him softly.

“I like listening to you especially when you are passionate about something like the stars.” Remus leaned down and gave Sirius a kiss on the top of his hair.

“Okay.” Sirius turned back towards the sky and pointed out more stars. “If you look right above Jupiter, that’s Aries, which is James’ constellation and the big V-shaped constellation to the right is Pisces, which is yours.” Sirius beamed as he thought about what he wanted to do for Remus’ birthday in March.

“If we keep looking to the right, right there next to Pisces is Aquarius, which is Lily’s, and the bright spot next to the little line of stars on the right, is Saturn.” Sirius continued.

Remus lay there quietly and listened to Sirius talk about the stars for the next half hour while munching on the snacks that Sirius brought. If they were going to stay outside for the rest of the night then they would also see Venus, Mars, Uranus, and Neptune but it was starting to get chilly and they needed to get back home, to get some sleep. 

Sirius was surprised he was even able to pull Remus from his work so close to his trip, which was in two days, but he would never take their time for granted. Sirius sat up, reluctantly, and started to pack the bag again while Remus folded the blanket and put it in there as well. They walked hand-in-hand out of the pumpkin patch and Sirius completely forgot about wanting to pick up a pumpkin on their way out. He was too focused on Remus and his love for him.

“I love you, Remus. Thank you for doing this with me,” Sirius said lovingly when they got into the car.

“I love you too, Sirius.”

They drove home and got ready for bed together before falling asleep in each other’s arms. Sirius was in heaven and still didn’t know how he managed to land Remus but he was grateful and would never take him for granted.

@cazzythefrogking @clementinewoolf @maladaptivewriting @multiimoments @lavenderhaze @literally-the-prettiest-star @thebibutterflyao3 @seiworf @emjayeingray @remusregulusrosekiller @heartsoncover @accuratewhereabouts @belowthestarrs

[love-now-cry-later]

the importance of change

"nothing lasts forever, nothing stays the same"

september 3, 2023

I'm at a point in life where everything is changing and for the first time… I'm ok with it. I just turned 18 (woo!) and for the first year since i was 12 i didn't have a breakdown on my birthday. i graduated just before that and now i'm off. in 1 month i'll be in maine for a concert with my best friend, then i'll be in GA with my mom and then i'll be back in jersey until christmas where i’ll then go to nebraska for a bit and then costa rica from january to july, and when we come back my friend Abbi will be graduating and we all will have had enough saved up to rent a house together. And My dad asked me this morning if I was scared and I've just sat here thinking. What do I feel?

i'm about to spend the next year of my life traveling and seeing the world. having opportunities, that i'm eternally grateful for, that many people don't have and my family never had. I have a chance of moving out and getting my own home and for my family, generations in one home, that's really big. I'm young and free and I'm grateful to have friends who give me opportunities that I would never have otherwise.

But It's terrifying. I'm gonna be far from home for a long time and when i'm finally back it won't be for long, but you know what's scarier? everything staying the same.

my life has gotten easier these last few months. my senior year, I graduated because I have connections with teachers and principals and people like me. my 'charisma' as Camdyn puts it. I have opportunities like Costa Rica because friends and their families like me. My life has gotten easier and I don't take that for granted. In some ways I believe the easy, go-with-the-flow, handouts and kindness that I've been receiving is an apology from the universe. An apology for having to be strong and grow up at a very young age. An apology for all that i had to deal with very young, and a reward for not letting it turn me into a person i would be ashamed of. Coming out of it a better person.

I believe that I was meant to break generational cycles. The cycles of poverty- the cycles of teen pregnancy- the cycles of throwing your life away. The cycles of dead end office jobs, janitorial positions- of deciding between a meal for you or your kids tonight. The grab the wic approved!- dirty looks in the grocery line because of the ebt card. I believe it’s gotten easier because I deserve an easier life than my mother and my father. Not that they dont deserve it either, But i can tell they’re happy that i have better, i think thats what they've always wanted for me. Even though they didn’t necessarily provide it, they're happy for me. I can tell.

My point- or the point of this ramble at least is that change is scary but you know what- that's good. Fear is good sometimes! It’s like when you first start highschool and you're scared, there's a new building and its so big and there's so many people you’ve never met and people you never will, but after a couple weeks freshman year is easy- then it’s winter break and spring break, and then- you're a sophomore. I was terrified to graduate, but I'm so grateful and happy I did. Because you know what's more scary and embarrassing than standing in front of hundreds of people that dont like you, and an ex and their new gf in a stupid cap and gown, and possibly falling on your face walking off the stage? Not doing it. Letting yourself give up and fail out of fear. The great thing about life is that you can change at any point. Anything you're unhappy with you can change, And isn't that beautiful?

The thing is that, I've really looked at my life and gotten more perspective and I need more change. “The way im living is a temper tantrum” and not in the way it was before, where i was drinking myself into oblivion for some nihilistic ‘fuck you’ to the man or god or whatver. But in the way that i’ve kept myself in a box so to be what others want me to be. I’m done with the edgy-tryhard - anti feminine hard ass-intimidating bullshit image i’ve tried to spin my whole life. I'm surrendering. Surrendering to the divine feminine, to the easy, happy, beautiful universe. I'm ready to begin the easiest, happiest era of my life. An era of receiving.

Anyway, I hope to all that read this that you will experience freedom, and happiness as we’re all entitled to. Asé

[depressedhouseplant]

🔞 In Darkness I Found You 🔞

Chapter 18

Tags: None!

Hobi started to panic.

“How did you…?” he asked.

“When I woke up and you weren’t in bed, I knew. I called Jin and he filled in the gaps,” Yoongi told him.

“He’s dead,” Hobi had to say it.

“I didn’t expect anything less,” Yoongi replied.

“Are you mad?” he asked. Yoongi walked over and put his gloved hand on Hobi’s cheek.

“No,” Yoongi shook his head. “But now you see the reality of how we lived. I risked everything by escaping. I had no idea that I’d find you. Most of them are happy to just have a roof over their head and eat on a predictable schedule. I’ve always been a rebel. I’ve always been willing to risk uncertainty. I’m afraid our daughter will end up like me.”

“Our daughter?” Hobi repeated.

“Yes, our daughter,” Yoongi smiled at him.

“What changed your mind?” Hobi asked.

“I just needed a little time. I have trust issues,” Yoongi gave him an awkward side hug to not squish Jina in her sling.

“Really?” Hobi laughed.

“Maybe one or two,” For the first time since they met his eyes sparkled a bit when he smiled.

“I love you, Min Yoongi,” Hobi kissed him.

“I love you, too, Jung Hoseok,” Yoongi replied. “Let’s go back inside.”

Hobi took a long, hot shower when they got back. Yoongi was waiting for him when he got out. Jina was asleep in the cot next to the bed.

“Don’t bottle it up, Hobi. Tell me,” Yoongi rested his hand on his mate’s hip.

“If this was the right thing to do, why do I feel like I ruined lives?” Hobi asked.

“Because they don’t know any better. If what Namjoon says is true about these surrogacy centers then they’ll all be just fine,” Yoongi replied. “He’s a good Alpha like you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen, but I’m not sorry I let him die,” he whispered.

“Maybe it was for the best. Maybe you needed to see it with your own eyes,” Yoongi brushed back Hobi’s still damp hair.

“I wanted to help. I just wanted to help,” Hobi felt himself choke up.

“I know, my love. You helped me. You helped Jina. You showed me kindness I’d never known. You had no idea who I was when you pulled me out of the mud, but you treated me like you’d loved me forever. You didn’t have to do that. You didn’t have to spend a month on bedrest with me. You didn’t have to do everything you did when I was pregnant to make sure Jina would be okay. Let that be enough right now,” Yoongi smiled gently at Hobi. Hobi furiously wiped hot tears off his cheeks. He wasn’t supposed to be crying. He was supposed to be the hero. He was supposed to be proud of what he’d done. Except maybe the only truly happy ending he’d get were the 2 people in the bed with him at that moment. For now, that would have to be enough.

Hobi tried his best not to let it get to him. He’d returned the papers to Namjoon like he’d asked. He’d come in for training in January. However, for the next week he spent most of his time working either in the barn or online. Three days before Christmas, he heard a soft knock on his office door.

“Come in,” he sighed. Jungkook stuck his head in, then slid in the darkened room.

“I was going to wait until Christmas to tell everyone, but you looked like you needed some cheering up,” he said.

“What do you mean?” Hobi asked.

“I’m pregnant,” Jungkook smiled.

“Really? That’s great! Does Tae know?” Hobi smiled a real smile for the first time in a week. Jungkook nodded.

“I found out yesterday,” he replied. Hobi stood up and hugged him. Jungkook had finally filled out and he was now broader than Hobi. He still gave gentle hugs though.

“How far?” Hobi asked.

“Due in July,” Jungkook told him. Then he paused. “It’s okay to cry.”

That’s all Hobi needed to hear. He started sobbing into the younger Omega’s shoulder.

“Did I do the wrong thing? Did I hurt them more than help them?” Hobi cried.

“Hobi, freedom is relative. I was a runaway, too. My story isn’t that far off from Yoongi’s. My choices were to die on the street or live as a Breeder. I chose to go to that place because at least it wasn’t where I was. Then they discovered I wasn’t what they wanted and I became disposable all over again. My only freedom was to decide if I was going to live or die in those woods. I decided to at least try. Maybe I’d finally find the better life I’d been looking for. Maybe not. I know Yoongi feels the same way,” he said. “You absolutely did the right thing. Anyone who actually knew Jimin knew that he’d figure out a way to either get out or never go to prison in the first place. He might haunt me forever, but I know for sure he’ll never show up on my doorstep.”

“What do you think about these surrogacy centers? Aren’t they just the same thing with a better name?” Hobi asked.

“I don’t know. I’d have to see one for myself. I know that I wanted to be able to come and go as I pleased. Some had other things they wanted. I’m happy to go with you sometime and take a look,” Jungkook offered.

“You wouldn’t be afraid?” Hobi asked.

“I might need to do some deep breathing exercises in the parking lot, but this matters to me just as much if not more than it does to you,” Jungkook replied. “I know Yoongi would rather have bamboo shoots under the fingernails than go anywhere near somewhere resembling where we were.”

“Thank you,” Hobi said.

“Anytime,” Jungkook smiled. “Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go puke.”

Yoongi was in their bedroom scrolling through his phone. He looked up when he heard Hobi come in.

“Jungkook gave me his news,” Hobi said awkwardly.

“I thought you’d be happy to hear it,” Yoongi put his phone down and got off the bed.

“I was, I am,” he replied.

“Let me take care of you for once big, tough, Alpha,” Yoongi hugged Hobi’s waist.

“I can’t. Not now,” Hobi scented Yoongi’s neck gently.

“I don’t have to fuck you to take care of you, Hobi,” Yoongi kissed the side of Hobi’s head.

“I guess you’re right,” he sighed.

“Of course I’m right,” Yoongi smiled. He led Hobi over to the bed and wrapped the Alpha around him.

“Sleep, my love,” Yoongi whispered. “It’ll all be okay.”

That was all the permission Hobi needed.

[burkhardclan]

Woke up feeling really excited for the day

Gender is why. I have been slumped and depressed for the last month. I had a panic attack 3x across December, January, and February. In that time I briefly and rapidly flipped between 'Non-binary He/They, He/they/she, and He'. Sometimes in the span of an hour or the day. I'd tried dressing up as a woman for the first time in 13ish years In mid-december and just... felt 'meh'?

I've had to sneak clothes into my house when I had been a teenager to take pictures of myself as a woman but never really connected with it. I had been really scrawny back then and it just felt interesting for a while but not forever and the allure wore off. Partly because every partner I had was obsessed with ME being manly and eventually becoming 'you aren't manly enough'. Which is why eventually my baseline for appearance became something that starts as masculine, but I want more I guess? Or wonder if there is more that I want?

My experiences dressing have always concluded with me realizing 'I'm not happy presenting this way, but now I know what I'm into'. So like.. Not a narcissistic view of beauty, but more hands-on learning of diversity?

I recently tried through the second half of last year to do: A full time Job, A part time job, 20 hours weekly of making tailored tiktok content, and acting classes for 4 hours a week, 3 hours weekly of training at the gym, and 1-2 hours walking everyday. It burnt me the hell out and led to the above panic attacks. Somewhere in all of that I went from 6'2"(That I had only barely achieved in the time leading up to it) to 6"0. I also had a nervous system lockout of heat(Couldn't feel heat for 12 hours), experienced symptoms commonly attributed to autism and ocd. There was a period where I couldn't lie without violently coughing. I knew I was unwell and eventually got diagnosed as bipolar and am finally in control of my life again. I had started the journey at 220 and gone down to 185, then after my mental collapse am now back at 200.

My goal (starting today)... is to 'almost' eliminate all of the fat on my body first, then bulk up until I "feel I can do/present with my body as I want from the inside" as a man,

THEN do two things!

I'll return to making the tailored tiktok videos(while stopping my part-time job) as Franky the Cyborg(who in my mind is Non-binary and maybe asexual?)

I'll also be going to conventions cosplaying as Franky the Cyborg/Joel from 'the last of us'/Other buff characters

AND going to conventions cosplaying as muscle mommys..

In summary: I hope to prove that Muscle > Gender is how my mind works, but I would not be surprised to find by the end of this and given the things I have outlined that I may see myself as either the muscle mommy or as Joel and just.. feel an inextricable and total pull to one or the other.

Inspo by: @lavenderkaye106 and @catboybiologist

Finally, I'm setting a soft goalpost for this at a year from next month.

I know I'll be putting on muscle, but since the goal is an aesthetic I see and enjoy I'm not sure what the lb # will be. So this will be interesting?