#started getting really distressed myself writing this haha

[thewhumpcaretaker]

Ehehe hiii :3

A little different scenario from my usual asks but I'm curious I can't help myself 😭

(If you're comfortable talking abt this ofc, no pressure)

Since I'm writing a/b/o fic(s) with Santino and John, how do you see omega Santino and alpha John? Like, for example when the heat hits Santino, how does he act? Is he really needy and wants John to take care of him (by take care of him I mean both freaky time and actual comfort 😋)? Or he's moody and snaps at John for literally anything? Ofc, how does John act, too, in that situation :P

So many possibilities AGAIN lmaoo I'm having lots of fun with this. I have my versions of this but I'm curious on yours :3

Have a fantastic day!!! 💖

Oh boy...I have never written a/b/o before but tbh I do like it >_< so here we go haha!! There's a first time for everything ✨

I really love the way their dynamic is written in your fics!! There's a lot of nuance and tension. Santino is clingy and needy, but also angry and irritable. Santino is the one seducing John, even though he is the omega (who we might expect to have less control). So I would keep a lot of that.

But here, I tried to imagine starting a fic from scratch and coming up with their dynamic on my own. I think I'd write something with these main points:

John has always been uncomfortable with being an alpha. It's something that the High Table used to their advantage when treating him as a weapon. It allowed him to fight harder by going into a kind of berserk state, so they encouraged it and he was sometimes even given access to the scent of omegas before battle to send him into a frenzy. At the same time, he was never given access to an actual omega, because his employers didn't want him to form attachments. So he initially associates his alpha with a lot of past trauma and both sexual and emotional frustration. He wishes he was just a normal beta.

Meanwhile, Santino has a similar backstory to the one you wrote - the Camorra forced him to hide his omega status with scent blockers and he was heavily shamed for it by his father. So he has shame attached to this too. But deep down, he likes his omega and wants to express that part of himself very much.

They are overwhelmed by each other's scents, obviously. Both of them are powerful examples of the type, and well suited to each other. I think Santino smells a bit like the ocean - something beautifully fresh yet full of salt to the point that it's almost unbearably delicious and it makes John want to drink him in (John is thirsty LMAO). John smells very animal. Musk and leather.

When I think about Santino's heat, I try to think about what's actually happening in his body and how he's experiencing that. Firstly, he's experiencing a lot of discomfort. He's in physical distress, almost as if he had the flu and a fever, and he gets deep, visceral loneliness and craving for affection as if he had been touch starved for weeks. So he's going to respond to that the same way he would respond to an illness or an emotional upset - by initially pretending he's fine and snapping at everyone at the slightest provocation until it's abundantly clear that he's not fine. He deeply fears to appear weak or to be a burden. But, once John realizes what's happening and proves that he's going to be there for Santino anyway, there's no more reason to hide his feelings. At that point, Santino breaks down and becomes incredibly clingy.

What Santino needs, and what John provides, when he's in heat: LOTS of physical touch (he can't stand to not be cuddling John, or at least holding his hand, even for a second), massage for all the aches in his body, a place where he feels safe and not threatened, a warm nest to curl up in so that he is surrounded by soft things on all sides, having his requests provided for (food and water brought to him, tasks done for him if he asks, etc.), and of course SEX.

As for John's experience of Santino's heats (and his own resulting heat), he's initially afraid of himself. He feels out of control so he tries to resist his desires, which he is pretty good at doing. Only when he realizes that he genuinely cares for Santino and wants to protect him, both as an omega and as a person, does he let himself go fully into alpha mode. At that point, he is absolutely scary to everyone around him who is not Santino. His pupils are so swollen that his eyes look black, he feels an intense bloodlust that makes his fighting significantly better, he is almost completely incapable of speaking (just grunts and body language), and he will do anything to get to Santino and protect him. If a door is locked and it takes too long to unlock it, he'll just tear it off the hinges. He is feral.

The relationship is very healing for both of them. For John, his alpha is finally being given a positive outlet for its protectiveness, not just being used as a weapon. For Santino, he can finally express who he truly is without shame. They are inseparable and their bond runs deep.

Thank you for asking, I think this is a super fun concept for them!! 🖤💙

[drbtinglecannon]

Why hello there buddy, hope you didn't think you weren't gonna get an ask in return >w> So hey for that fic ask, how about numbers... 1, 11, 29, 39, 50, and 75! And yee same, just however many you feel like answering :D

Haha I actually forgor so this is a lovely surprise! ^^

Hell yeah I will answer all of them! 💪💪 Unless I already did, I think I got a few of these before

1. Do you daydream before you write, or go for it as soon as the idea strikes?

I did answer that here! But basically I daydream a LOT but sometimes that keeps me from finishing the fic because it's like "I already wrote it" in my head, and other times I will just go for it and finish the idea in one sitting but that really only works for one-shots (which is most of what I write anyway). The fic I posted yesterday I just wrote it as the idea came to me

11. Do you write scenes in order, or do you jump around?

I used to force myself to slog through writing everything in order, but it killed so many wip by making me bored of the idea because I wasn't writing the fun bits yet, so now I jump around haha. Which does sometimes create issues when I start bridging the bits together and have to tweak or completely cut stuff, but it overall keeps me writing more and helps my creativity flowing by quickly getting down the parts I want to and building around them

39. What's your most self-indulgent wip?

29. What's something about your writing that you're proud of?

Also answered here! But sure I can give myself another compliment I earned it!

I'm proud of how my writing has improved over the years. Obviously any skill gets better the more you work it (I say as someone who typically gets distressed and will immediately drop something if I'm not instantly perfect at it 👍) but it's been really satisfying seeing my writing get good enough to be in a couple zines and having people enjoy what I've shared :) so thanks everyone who's ever been nice to my writing haha

For something that's almost done, it's a joke about a trope I never thought I'd write that got way too out of hand and sentimental instead of just quick dirty horny lol. Whoops ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

As far as planned out but not close to being done writing wise, it's a long fic for an obscure ot3 that died pre-canon and it's following the development of their relationships before exploding into their individual horrific deaths, and then maybe a sequel that follows a slightly canon divergent yet still canon compliant idea of what sets about the trainwreck leading to their deaths. Including me it'll maybe have 4 fans haha, but that's fine I love the concept and am having fun daydreaming about it. It's extremely self-indulgent to the point it's embarrassing

50. How would you describe your writing style?

1% evil (syntax) 99% hot gas (banter)

Hahah, but yeah I think I really thrive with conversation but I also really really enjoy working sentences until they bleed (aka I gave up) to convey as much info and emotion as I can without being too wordy, because outside of writing stories/fic/poems I'm an rambling mess that says "like" and "fuck" far too much haha! It's my only time to be concise ✌️

75. Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn't expect?

My first ever fic both that I wrote and posted. It blew up a lot more than I ever expected or hoped, and it still gets kudos regularly and comments occasionally, and is still by far my most popular fic haha

Unfortunately that causes me the tiniest 🤏 amount of psychic damage each time because while I'm thrilled people still enjoy it and that it's been read by so many people, it does not hold up to my current writing skills by any means. Oh boy it is rough around the edges haha

[lululawrence]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2023

Thank you for tagging me @allwaswell16! I am so happy every year that this (I believe) brainchild of @juliusschmidt's from 2016 still exists in various forms! hehe I apparently missed doing this in 2021 and 2022, and I was determined not to miss it again so here we go!

List of works published this year: My Other Half Was You Gemma's Dad (Could Use A Guy Like Me) Quite the Pickle Livin' In A Daydream (Gimme a Solution and) Watch Me Run With It You Are A Song Did You Know I Fit In A Dryer? Were You There On That Christmas Night? Team Gaelic FTW No Constraints Odds Are That We Will Probably Be... Damsel in Christmas Distress Snow In Love

Work you are most proud of (and why): Oof. This is always such a hard question to answer. Almost as hard as the next one, and the next one and the next one....... hah honestly though, I think... I'm honestly sincerely proud of most of my fics from this year simply because I got them written. I'll go more into that later, I'm sure, but maybe... I think maybe My Other Half Was You or Odds Are That We Will Probably Be... and for very different reasons. My Other Half Was You was written based on artwork by @moon-sun-thyme for @1dreversebang and the moment I saw her artwork I had these vague ideas coming to mind and I am quite proud with how I was able to bring them to life so closely resembling what I originally thought of when I saw the art. And for Odds Are, I wrote that for @1dtrickortreatfest so it had to be exactly 666 words and that's always a trick (heh), but in this case I had to completely world build and set up the situation and lead everyone to the conclusion within that word count while making it somewhat compelling... and I think I was able to manage it. I hope I was, anyway haha

Work you are least proud of (and why): lmaooooo usually this answer is really hard for me to answer, but this year it's not haha i have a few fics that I literally wrote to just remind myself that I could. That not everything has to be thought out and polished and pretty, sometimes it's just a matter of getting words on paper and putting them out into the world immediately, hoping for the best, and they absolutely served their purpose! I'm fond of them still, but that doesn't mean I'm proud of them necessarily haha So I would have to say Damsel in Christmas Distress (which I still love dearly, simply for how self indulgent that silly thing is for me haha) and Quite the Pickle. Again, my darling Stylinshaw fics getting the brunt of it here, but they did as they needed to for me. I'll maybe try to write them a longer, more polished fic with some thought behind it this year, as they clearly deserve.

A favorite excerpt of your writing: GAHHHH I hate this question every damn time! Okay, I don't know if this is my absolute favorite thing I wrote this year, BUT it immediately came to mind, and I do very much like it so, here's an excerpt from Gemma's Dad (Could Use A Guy Like Me). I just adore Harry being a fumbling idiot around a pretty boy hahaha Ever since he had dug up his garden, he preferred to start in the back where the job was a lot more complicated to work around and then move to the front, which was far easier.  Now, though, Harry was wondering if this was the right decision because Louis was also mowing his lawn. That wasn’t a problem, of course, except he was shirtless and that only defined for Harry the fact he really had grown up. Louis used to try to show off for the neighborhood by mowing any number of lawns shirtless in middle school and high school, but he had been a scrawny kid with little to no meat on his bones and Harry had thought it adorable back then. Now, on a sweltering day like it was, he was probably shirtless just to be as cool as possible as the sun beat down on him, and Harry’s vision wasn’t as good as it used to be, but he could still tell that Louis had filled out since going to college. He was still a thin man, but as he pushed the mower through the tall grass, Harry could see the muscles he clearly put effort into. Add to it the chest hair that was only growing darker as he continued to sweat and the smattering of tattoos he’d gotten since he turned eighteen and it was clear he had grown up. Harry couldn’t help it when the glint of the sun off Louis’ sweaty skin made him lick his lips without even thinking. Clearing his throat and thankful it was obvious Louis was too focused to notice Harry ogling him from his own yard, Harry pulled the starter and began to work on his own yard.

Share or describe a favorite review you received: I've got three that immediately came to mind, so excuse me while I mention all three as quickly as I can manage lol First was from @allwaswell16 for Gemma's Dad. I'd had a lot of difficulty with a someone reading motivations and meaning in the characters and story that I took a lot of care in ensuring were actually avoided as I wrote it. There were a lot of pitfalls I could have fallen into when writing the fic, but one person just kept asking over and over again for things I thought I had already done and my beta assured me I had sufficiently covered etc, but I still worried so when Anitra gave the review she did of it on her podcast, it literally made me cry a little bit lol Second was @londonfoginacup in response to (Gimme a Solution and) Watch Me Run With It when she commented "Ah so you really just tore your chest open and picked out your beating heart and handed it to me here, didn’t you" because... well I hadn't really considered it when I'd been writing the fic, but I guess I kind of did exactly that, yeah. haha And then lastly I want to thank @tommokat for their lovely comments on Snow In Love regarding the Michigan geography and freak lake effect snow that can be experienced there because I tried my very best to describe the absolute chaos that is that region in the wintertime and they basically affirmed that I had accurately captured it. Genuinely, the best gift I could have gotten haha

A time when writing was really, really hard: Excuse me while I laugh a bit hysterically until I cry alksdhglskfja The last year or two have been incredibly difficult for a whole host of reasons, but the ones that most affected my writing were my lingering (and seemingly unending) burnout combined with an absolute lack of time/energy available to write. There were so many times this year that I thought I wouldn't be able to do it or thought I'd have to pull out of various fests and just... cut down on things, but I kept pushing and kept trying and I did it. I'm so fucking proud of myself, honestly.

A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: Jordan North in Did You Know I Fit In A Dryer? Well, honestly, Louis in that fic too. And the entire premise of the fic. Really all of it surprised me lololol I never expected to write Jordan in a fic. Ever. hahahaa And as I've barely dabbled in a couple of weed candies is all, I certainly did not anticipate ever writing someone as THAT HIGH. sooooo...yeah just all of it hahaha

How did you grow as a writer this year: Psh. Bold of you to assume I've grown as a writer this year when I was merely doing what I could to survive haha if anything I kind of wonder if I went backwards in my writing abilities but who the fuck knows, really haha

How do you hope to grow next year: I just... I dunno man. I just kinda hope I'm in a better place this time next year so I'm just not so fucking tired all the time and so I have actual time to write, you know? lol continued good vibes are always welcome here, folks haha

Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): Like... everyone. hah I'm getting a little emotional thinking of everyone who helped me keep going this year. but the greatest? probably @londonfoginacup again. She was the biggest influence in actually getting my Big Bang finished because I didn't want to disappoint her (even though?? I know I won't??? like.. anyway) haha and then I wrote like three fics for her/dedicated them to her just because... like. she keeps me going some days honestly so yeah. Emmu. You're the bestest always babes. Love you.

Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Listen, all I'm saying is in one of my fics it hits a little too close to home. Like I kind of wrote Harry's starting place... and kinda where he is for a lot of the fic... pretty much exactly how I was feeling, and still pretty much am, though for very different reasons. So it's maybe a little too much of my real life emotionally speaking in there yeah

Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: New? Not so much hahaha just don't give up!

Any new projects you're looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: YES. I was just talking with @moon-sun-thyme this morning that I started the year by posting a fic based on her art, and I'm going out of this year focusing on the fic we will be collaborating on together for the @onedirectionbigbang hehe so I'm very very excited to get started on that one. It's a fic I've been wanting to write almost ever since I first heard the song Satellite, so I am READY to delve in and lose myself to it, honestly. In the whole... one night every week or two I have to write. hahaha Here's hoping I make the deadline haaaaa

Tag three writers whose answers you'd like to read: MAN I have no idea who has and hasn't done this yet! So maybeeeee @justanothershadeofblue, @hellolovers13, anddddd @quotefromthatshow and @louandhazaf if you haven't done it already and want to! And shh I know it’s four but who cares lolol

*All answers should be about fics posted in 2023

Past Years: 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 and 2020 | 2022(ish)

[kimi-twstheadcanons]

Blow Us All Away

-Malleus and (Y/N) have a child, Maelora. A fae king father, a human queen mother, and a half-blood princess. A very happy family indeed. All seemed well, but an unfortunate event has befallen the family. Maelora describes her experience in this…

Pronouns: She/her

Warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST!!! ALL THE ANGST! Loss of a loved one

Note: I haven’t seen chapter 7 so this doesn’t really have anything in it other than one line inspired from what I’ve seen around the fandom. I also came up with this idea when I was listening to “Dear Theodosia reprise” a deleted song from Hamilton the musical. I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF AND HAD TO WRITE THIS I’M SORRY! It’s not perfect but I really tried. I just needed this idea out of my head

“I’ll be home soon, mother.”

•

•

•

I was picking flowers in the garden. Our lovely little garden that father had grown just for me away from all the other thorn bushes. He was the king of the Briar Valley, after all, he was ever so great and powerful. Mother is kind and compassionate but a mere human with no magical abilities. They say it’s because she’s not from this world but I never truly understood what that meant. Usually, she would help me with the garden and we would play and sing while waiting for father to visit us from his royal duties. If it wasn’t father it would be Lilia or uncle Silver who is usually accompanied by uncle Sebek. They may not be my real uncles by blood, but I don’t recall addressing them any differently.

“Hello there, our darling little princess! Are you making more flower crowns for your parents?” Lilia suddenly appeared out of nowhere, floating upside down above my head. He thought he could surprise me but I’ve gotten used to his tricks, at least for the most part.

“Haha, hi there, Lilia. Yes, I’ve almost finished up these new flower crowns. I apologize but I haven’t made one for you today.”

“Don’t worry about it, darling. Goodness, you truly do get your heart from your mother, yet you have your father's horns. You get your eye shape from your mother but your father’s eye color was so dominant in your genes it seems.” Lilia cooed as he placed his hand on my head between my small horns to gently ruffle my hair. I laughed gently and looked over the three flower crowns I had created. It took me a while because it was hard to remember the correct size of my father's head due to his large horns but I hope everything turned out well. Recently, my mother has been extremely ill. I don’t remember a day when she was the perfect picture of health, she had always seemed off, but her health rapidly decreased incredibly quickly over the last few months. Hopefully, the crown will make her feel better!

“LaLa, can you help me bring these crowns to mother and father? I think father is with mother in their room since it’s getting so late.” I asked Lilia, calling him by a nickname I had called him since I was born. He smiled a wide grin.

“Of course, Maelora, it would be my great honor to escort you to your parents.” He said cheerfully as he held out his arm for me to hold onto. I picked up all three flower crowns and carefully stood up from my blanket on the garden ground. Just as I wrapped my hands around Lilia’s arm, uncle Silver and uncle Sebek came running into the garden in sheer panic. They looked distressed and in a hurry. They panted as they tried to catch their breath.

“Lilia! Come quick, it’s important!” Sebek started since his breath recovered faster.

“Whoa, calm down! What is it? What could have happened so soon?” Lilia asked calmly yet confused.

“The queen! S-she…her illness! It’s gotten worse!” Silver was able to splurge out in pants. Lilia and I looked at each other in panic.

“Is Malleus with her?”

“Yes, but father, her time-“ before Silver could finish his sentence the sky of the Briar Valley began to rapidly swarm with dark and twisted clouds. Green lighting began to form within them. He was cut off by the harsh winds that blew along with the clouds. I knew who was doing that…my father. Something has happened.

“Take the princess and get her to her room immediately, she must not be allowed out until Malleus or I have said otherwise, is that understood?!” Lilia demanded Silver and Sebek. They saluted and offered me their hands for me to hold.

“No, what, why? Lilia, what’s going on?” I asked in fear. Lilia was quick to hand me off and now seemed to be in a very big rush.

“No time for questions, you have to go now! Please listen to me and be a good little princess! I promise I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Lilia, what’s going on with mother?! You have to tell me!” I begged him as Sliver and Sebek held onto my arm to keep me from chasing after Lilia.

“I can’t! I have to hurry before-“ Lilia was then interrupted by the longest and deepest, most heart-wrenching, bloodcurdling scream I have ever heard in my entire life, followed by loud green thunder and lightning strikes through the sky. The dark clouds turned black and the wind increased so much that it blew my mother's flower crown out of my little arms and completely into the air.

“Father…I think it’s too late…” Sliver said abruptly. Lilia went quiet as it began to pour rain on all of us. I looked around at all of them and noticed how all of their faces had fallen into dark shadows and auras of sadness began to radiate off each of them. I knew, but I didn’t want to believe why. I knew but young me was in strong denial. No one would ever wish for something like that to happen to them so suddenly.

~~~

The next day, I was in my room after a bath. Lilia did my hair and helped me get dressed but the entire time he was sad. Silver and Sebek were instructed with watching my door as to not let me out. Lilia enchanted my balcony in case I would try anything mischievous. So I was stuck in my room, confused and scared. I carefully crept to my door to try and see if I could talk to Silver. He’s the only one who actually tells me information.

“Are you sure it’s the right time? She’s so young. I don’t think she’d be able to handle the news.” I heard Silver say on the other side of the door. I place my ear gently on the door to hear more clearly. As a fae, I can hear from far distances but not much because of me being half human.

“My apologies, Lilia, but I have to agree with Silver on this one,” Says Sebek on the other side of the door.

“She is far too young, even by human standards, to know such heartbreaking information. I’m still in shock from the whole ordeal myself. It hasn’t even been fully processed in my head and I feel…conflicted and confused. I can only imagine her reaction when she finds out the news.” He continues, his voice straining slightly as he proceeded with his words.

“I understand. I cannot say that I agree with the idea of telling her so soon. But she does deserve to know. The entire kingdom of the Briar Valley will be in anguish and our friends will know nothing but grief for months.” Lilia says, although his voice sounds…cold. As if all emotion that could have been was washed away.

“Father, you can’t be serious. Give her another day.” I heard Silver insist.

“Another day of what? Locking her in her room with no knowledge of the truth and wallowing in confusion and concern?” Lilia snaps. “She must know… Malleus has reached that conclusion, even in his state of agony.”

“And what of our friends? Who will tell them?” Silver asked gently.

“We’ve already called upon them. Gather them to deliver the news. That way it’s easier for us all and we won’t have to repeatedly explain what happened. They will already be in the Briar Valley for the preparations, they at least deserve to see her one more time.” Lilia explained.

“I see…” was all Sebek said after that. A pause occurred for a moment, all I heard was their steady breathing.

“Princess, I know you’re there. You can come out now.” Lilia said nonchalantly. It startled me at first but not much. I reached for the doorknob and gently turned it. I opened it slowly into the castle hallway and stepped out of the threshold of my sleeping chambers. I peeked from behind the door over to the three guards. Silver and Sebek held gloomy expressions as they stared at me but Lilia had a gentle smile on his face. But if you look closely, his eyes…his deep crimson eyes…they were dull. Not out of anger or power, but of sorrow and emptiness. Yet that smile he holds is so melancholic. He holds it for me.

“Come with me, dear. Your father wishes to speak with you about something important.” He speaks gently as he stretches out his hand for me to take. I move away from the door and walk towards him hesitantly. I place my hand in his and he begins to gently lead me away. I look back behind me to Silver and Sebek. They seem beside themselves and void of light. I look forward once again, trying to think of the best. Lilia holds a smile on his face but he can’t hide his solemn emotions from me.

Lilia walks me up to the doors of my father's study. The room where he handles most of his Kingly duties by himself. Mother and I would sit with him near the fireplace and he would read us stories of the Briar Valley or I would find mother reading while my father worked on papers. They were inseparable for as long as I can remember. Even if father had to be gone long they would send letters. Even when mother would be gone to see uncle Ace and uncle Deuce in the Queendom of Roses, or going to the Sunset Savanna to visit Leona and Ruggie for royal occasions. No matter where they went, they would send each other letters. Their love is a bond that cannot be broken. Before mother’s health dropped she started to stay in the castle more often, then just a few months after, her health declined. I never understood why her health never seemed at its peak. When I would ask her or father they would change the subject. When I would ask Lilia, Sebek, or Silver, they’ll tell me not to worry and that it was not my concern for the moment. They said I’ll find out once I’m old enough. I always thought it was odd but I would listen to them. What else was I to do?

“Princess…your father asked me to tell you why your mother's health was always low. Would you like me to tell you now, or when you're older?” Lilia asked me abruptly, pulling me from my thoughts. I pause for a moment, not knowing how to answer. I simply shake my head. To others that would be a vague answer but to Lilia he fully understood. He nodded with a soft smile and released my hand from his.

“Tell me when you want to know. I just want you to be ready and calm. We all love you, Maelora. We just want you to be okay, safe, and happy.” He told me, his smile slightly fading. He gently knocks on the double doors of my father's study.

“Your father is in there waiting for you. Just open the doors when you’re ready.” And just like that, Lilia turned around without another word and walked away. I take a deep breath for a moment, trying to think about how to approach my father. I hesitantly put my hand on the doorknob and turn it. I slowly open the door and peek my head in. I saw my father standing in front of one of the windows, his back to me. I quietly step in and shut the door behind me. I take a few steps forward, the clicking of my shows being muffled by the giant dark green carpet that covered most of the stone flooring of the study.

“…father, you called for me?” I asked hesitantly. No reply from him back. This silent action made me more nervous.

“How’s mother? Is she doing any better?” I foolishly asked. I didn’t know what else to do. My father was never this quiet unless he was angered. I watched him for a moment and noticed that his hands started to tremble slightly. He was on the verge of collapsing and was visibly holding himself together by a thread.

“My dear Maelora, how do I say this to you?” He suddenly started, his voice slightly trembling. He turned around to face me, a soft smile plastered on his face. Yet his eyes were red and slightly puffy. He had been crying. His expression was one of pain and sadness.

“Sometime last night, your mother breathed your name. Then like a flame that flicked out too soon…far, far too soon, she…she died, she’s g-gone..” he tried to explain to me. Tears were streaming down his face and he collapsed to his knees on the ground. My eyes wide and in shock, not knowing what to do I ran over to my father. I kneeled to him and hugged him as much as my small arms could. My shock stopped me from crying, it hadn’t fully hit me. A shocking image for anyone to see: the Great Malleus Draconia on his knees, a mess, being consoled by his young, half-blood, daughter.

My father took a deep breath and looked at me even as tears covered his vision. His lime green eyes were now dark, his black hair slightly in disarray, and his smile holding nothing but pain. “She changed my life, she made my life worthwhile. Without her, I never would have known how great life can be. She taught me things I never would have learned. Not just about her world but about mine and she showed me that there are so many things wonderful about living. She has forever changed this kingdom for the better and there will never be another like her…but you. When you smile, I know a part of her lives on, I know the kingdom and I can go on.”

I smiled at my father as he placed a hand on my cheek. The tears now start to form in my eyes and a broken smile forms on my lips, knowing I will never see my mother again, knowing I will never hear her voice again. I wipe my father’s tears away gently.

“You have come of age with the new improvements of our dark nation. We’ll bleed and fight for you. Even if it seems that’s all we do, you and I together will build a strong foundation. I promise to be here for you, that way I’ll teach you how to blow them all away.” My father spoke as he wiped my tears with his thumb, still holding a smile on his face. Pulls me close and lifts me into his arms as he turns and we both look out the large window of his study that he had previously been looking through.

“Someday, yes my daughter, you’ll rule this kingdom as the first Half-blood Queen, and blow everyone away.”

~~~

I found it. The flower crown I had made for my mother all those years ago. I found it. I knew it was the same one from then because it was found outside the castle and the only flowers that hadn’t wilted were the green roses that were made from fathers magic. The only roses that grew in our special garden.

I walk up to my mother's grave, a beautiful statue of her befitting of a queen in place of a tombstone. I will never forget her voice, how she sang. How she and father would dance the nights away when they thought I was asleep. How she would whisper sweet nothings to me before I went to bed to assure me I am loved. She was nothing short of an angel.

I gently kneel and place the flower bouquet on her burial. “Hello again, mother. How are you today?” I ask her gently.

“Sorry I haven’t come to visit as of late. Leona insisted that I talk to him about matters between the Sunset Savanna and the Briar Valley since he and father got into another small quarrel. I can understand why you would visit the Sunset Savanna instead of father now, haha.” I told her as I stood up and placed the now fixed and renewed flower crown on the statue's head.

“In other news, the garden has gotten bigger. Father had it so the grounds would be extended and we could plant more bushes. You’d like it, I’m sure.” I continue to speak. The statue looked back at me with a gentle smile, a smile that resembled hers. But could never hold the same genuine warmth.

“…last night I had a dream. You were in it. You taught me how to dance the waltz-like the one you and father use to do. You sang me the song you and father used to sing together. It was like you were here again…” I looked into the statue's cold eyes. Eyes that looked like hers but would never hold the same life or light. I hesitantly reach out to place my hand on her face. It was cold and hard. Of course, it would be, it’s stone after all.

“You have her smile.” A voice suddenly spoke from behind me. A voice so familiar it’d be a crime if I didn’t recognize it. The voice that lead me all these years, even if he was busy with royal duties. I smile to myself and slide my hand away from the cheek of the statue.

Without turning to face him I ask, “Hello, father, how are you?”

“I’m perfectly fine. You were only gone for a mere few weeks, that’s nothing but a few days to me or even less.” He pauses as he steps closer.

“But to her…she would have said it was years. She couldn’t live without you close by. That’s why she took you with her for visits to wherever she went when she could.”

“I know, you told me that many times. No matter her state of health, she’d make time for her friends. Even more time for her family.” I reminisced. There is no other like her. So many people I have talked to. So many people who were kind and genuine. But her…she was different. It must be from the fact I am her child, but no one could match her light. Not to me. Not to my father. Not to our kingdom. She was like no other.

Father walks up next to me in front of the statue and places his hand on its head, careful of the flower crown I had placed on it. A melancholic smile on his face. I can see it in his eyes, the memories of him and mother flashing in his mind like it was yesterday.

A lingering question remains in my mind. A question I’m too afraid to ask in fear of an alternate answer from what I truly expect. But I ask it nonetheless; “…Do you blame me?”

The air tenses and I can now sense my father's eyes on me in confusion. So innocently he asks, “Blame you for what, my darling daughter?”

“Her not being here… Lilia told me the reason her health was always low. He said it was an after-effect of giving birth to me…” I continued. Lilia had recently told me the truth about my mother’s condition. I had been holding out on it but I got curious and now the thought of all of this being my fault couldn’t leave my mind. I needed an answer.

“My child. My only child. I indeed miss your mother dearly. She showed me that a world without pain doesn’t exist but a world with growth does. That is why I say now; it was not your fault.” My father said as he turned and gripped both of my shoulders.

“Your mother knew the consequences of having a child of fae - my child - a child so powerful it could kill her. She knew that no one of royal fae blood has ever had a human spouse, much less give birth to a half-blood royal fae child. She knew that there was a risk and she took it anyway, going against my and Lilia’s words of caution. We could not change her mind. She wanted you. She wanted us…as a family.” He continued, his lime green eyes staring into mine. Tears begin to well up, blurring my vision. I tried to hold them back but my father pulled me into an embrace and I started to bawl.

“Maelora Draconia, you are a gift. A gift that is more important to this world than they have yet to discover. Your mother loves you even in death. I will love you forevermore.” He smiles as he lifts my head to wipe away my tears.

“I miss her…” I say just below a whisper.

“I do too…” Father kisses me on my temple and moves his hands from my back. I grab his arm and turn the other way before waving to mother. As we walk away I strike up a conversation, just to break the silence. So I ask gently, “Father, do you mind telling me the story of how you met and fell in love with mother, again?”

“Not at all, my princess. It all happened, Once Upon a dream…”

[zeroducks-2]

No pressure to share, but do you have any sneak peaks or anything you want to share about the Mad Max fic 👀

It's more of a Mad Max inspired AU than a Mad Max AU if you get what I mean, and really it isn't much more than a self-indulgent, comfort fic I'm writing to keep myself sane during the most complicated move of my life haha

But sure thing, you can have a sneak peak ♥

(...)

Slade tears the kid’s shirt to uncover his scent glands, and has to keep him still through a distressed whimper and his attempt to squirm away, holding onto the submission collar. Whatever he did to cover his own smell he did it really well, and Slade has to insist on scrubbing his neck with a natural sponge and soap because water alone doesn’t seem to be enough; eventually it starts working, the kid trying to suppress a small whine as he finally sits still on the stool, head downcast and tied wrists quivering behind his back. 

And distressed as it might be, Slade starts to be hit with the honeyed scent of Omega pheromones, and if initially he thinks the little thing might be in pre-heat, soon enough he realizes that no, Joey was correct. This one is indeed pregnant. 

«You’ll have to tell me how you managed to hide your smell that well.» He says in a low tone, holding the kid’s face on a side to keep smelling his neck, wanting to be completely sure. «Now you and your pup belong to me, and if you try to pull another stunt there are going to be consequences. Do you understand me?»

The kid hurriedly nods with a very tiny but still audible noise caught in the back of his throat, his smell souring with distress even more. He’s curling up and clearly trying to huddle around his own belly, but sitting like that and with his arms tied he can’t.

Slade gauges that he has to be two, maybe three months along. The slavers who took him thought he was a Beta, which means the kid has been concealing his pregnancy for a long time. Or maybe someone tried to hide him among slavers and was supposed to come collect him at a later moment… sometimes it happens with pups of especially powerful and influential pack Alphas, who might fear for the life of their Omega mates when they manage to impregnate them. Or even, he was the mate of someone whose pack was torn apart, and as a form of humiliation their Omega was tossed in the slave trade like cheap scrap metal, even with a pup in their belly. That happens too.

«Can I…» The kid breathes out, voice made small by the collar still tight around his scruff. «Can I be untied? I promise I won’t fight.»

(...)

[naughtless0000]

i played and beat mouthwashing for the first time yesterday. here's how that went..

to start off, i wanna say there's MAJOR spoilers and im gonna be yapping so here we go

-

-

staring off with cool screenshots i took, just so we dont immediately jump off into the depressing yap fest

immediately said "oh boy i love playing fnaf" when i was here (i saw fanart of daisuke and it was him saying 'cmon, its just like among us, you can do this' while crawling though the vents) -

despite the implications i found this to be really fucking cool, but thats just me. and the more you think about it the more games you remember that have a scene where youre going into/coming out of a giant open mouth from the head of a character -

i still cant entirely wrap my head around the fact that swansea has this custom swan key just for him. like, haha, i get it, "swan"sea, swan key.. but where did he get it from? not the key, but the custom holder? makes you wonder how long he's had it for.

-

i couldnt find my own screenshot of him, i dont know where it went, but yimpy........ yimpy.. i have a feeling daisuke drew it, who else would it be -

-

ok, now its time for the depressing stuff

god. let me tell you about the genuine distress i felt. i had the isopropyl before it was even mentioned, so the first time i had to clear the foam to get to the medicine cabinet. i was just fucking around a little bit when i was stuck in the game (for a stupid reason might i add) so i just mixed it with mouthwash cause i was like "hey, this will make it actually better to use as real mouthwash, right?" (am i an idiot? out of game, like, am i stupid? do you understand what i was thinking though? the disinfectant? anyways..) and when it made the plain mocktail.. i was like "haha this is funny." and then it quickly became NOT FUNNY. when daisuke NEEDED IT, so i had to take the LONG ROUTE TO GET SOMETHING ELSE. AND I BLAME MYSELF FOR HIS DEATH

i know that there probably arent any different routes in the game and it was meant to happen.. but i feel like i should play it again BECAUSE COME ONNNNNN. - i got it spoiled for me that anya was pregnant when i was looking for the solution to helping her out of medical. which, by the way, i was a complete idiot during that part. all i needed to do was click on a different part of the door to continue the game, so im just stupid. you wont believe my face when i realized how dumb i was. so when she said she was pregnant i didnt have a genuine reaction to it, cause i got it spoiled. kind of the same thing for when we get to see what curly looked like before the game, but it wasnt really a spoiler to me because i had no intention of playing the game when i started seeing content for it. i was seeing fanart, and friends posting about it, but i really had no clue. so i knew of curly, and i started to recognize who daisuke was in fanart, and i knew anya but not her name, but i never saw swansea before i went onto the steam page. daisuke ended up being my favourite character.... we can all just WONDER how im FEELING NOW. technically speaking, everybody but curly does die in some way. so if you have a favourite character besides him, forget being happy- actually, scratch that. if you play mouthwashing AT ALL, FORGET BEING HAPPY. BUT ITS SO GOOD!!!! genuinely!! another 10 dollar indie game that completely ruined me!!!!!! mouthwashing is genuinely such a wonderful game, and i wonder if we could be getting another one? but i dont know how a second game would go. does curly ever get found? since he's in the cryo pod, but also (like i just saw someone say when i was looking up the word for cryo pod..) his injuries alone could end up killing him, right? maybe? he is frozen for 20 years, would that stop the bacteria from killing him? i dont know for sure. -

-

before writing this blog, i had another where i was updating as i played the game. here are a few things i said, and i'll be adding my thought now after the fact. -

I HAD EVERY RIGHT NOT TO. I NEVER WANTED TO GIVE HIM THE AXE IN THE FIRST PLACE. -

well. when you show a giant, sharp knife, its gotta be used for something other than cake. time to feast. (IM SORRY.) -

youre just an idiot. click on the door and not just the handle. -

this pretty much sums up my experience playing the game after a while (especially being a daisuke fan) -

-

anyways. two more screenshots i took

and thats pretty much it i feel like playing the game again after writing this, so maybe i'll do another post about it take this thing i made before i go

sums it up................

[aspd-culture]

Wtf what did the social worker even do? Tell u to knock it off and cast a magic spell to make u think humans are good actually?

Tw s*icide in fiction, panic attacks, ableism

The social worker and me were actually cool, because I'd been seeing her for my panic attacks. Nothing she said helped, but they promised (and lied) that they wouldn't tell my caregiver if I went every week so I did. If nothing else, it was a way to get out of a stressful class when I wanted to.

As for her reaction to that essay, I'm sure they made her read it but I never specifically brought it up myself and when she did she shrugged it off as "not surprising considering you have a long term record of being very smart but having difficulty socializing" and "kind of ridiculous that they sent you to me for this because I'm not in the business of changing anyone's views on humanity". She also said that she was "not sure they actually know what a social worker is or does if they think this is where they should send you for this".

I admit she seemed less supportive of my views than annoyed with their lack of understanding of her job - but it worked out to the same outcome for me of not having to talk about it anymore soooooo I was cool. We spent about 3/4 of that period just venting about them not understanding her job.

But the rest of the year I got looks from that teacher and she refused to call on me after that, when previously and in all my other classes I was the go to student for "no one knows the answer? Ok well I know who does - X you wanna answer this?". It was obvious I challenged that teacher's worldview and she did not like it. But she also tried to tell me she would send me to the office for refusing to read from a book about s*icide with a passage where someone literally has a panic attack (the book is told from inside their head and was VERY accurately written - it caused me a panic attack when I was forced to read it to avoid the write up!) a year before I would start being wheelchaired during panic attacks myself because I could no longer hide them. That was hell, but since she REALLY wanted me to talk to the social worker, I did - about how distressing that entire book was and how the teacher ignored multiple requests to be out of the room for discussions of su*cide and forcing me to read a panic attack in first person perspective out loud to the class. She filed a report. Idk if it went anywhere but ya know, she was right about one thing, talking to the social worker did make me feel better once that teacher got reported lol.

It was an overall -a million/ten experience in her class and I would have happily told that teacher to go fuck herself if I thought it wouldn't ruin my angelic-ly good (in front of adults lol) gifted kid privileges. I was *not* giving up the fact that monitors and admins ignored straight-up excessive PDA, swearing, tardies, missing work, etc. just to tell that teacher off. But I *do* hope she rots in hell and I also hope she thinks about that essay sometimes. I really do think it haunts her haha.

[ollyou]

It’s kind of funny because I’m always drawing olly either slightly annoyed or even straight up happy, but in actuality, I still think the guy’s a bit crazy!

Referring to my own interpretation of olly, i’ll be calling him colly… but yeah. Sometimes i think to myself about how funny the range of his emotions are because in the events of PMTOK (the “canon” part of the game), I interpret him to be EXTREMELY mentally unstable, only getting worse the further Mario and co. get on their way to him.

(Putting the rest under the cut because I ramble a LOT about colly)

Colly’s typically more reserved, albeit full of himself. He’s still a bit of an asshole and can even be cruel (enough to essentially try killing his own sister), but is more calm about it. It’s when he’s been especially ticked off that he becomes very violent. When he has outbursts, they’re extreme ones— full-on lashing out against whoever has upset him enough to invoke his wrath. He’d love to watch his enemies become torn to shreds, over and over again until they’re specks of dust on the ground.

It’s something I find really interesting. Colly’s VERY cold and lacks sympathy for anyone. All he cares about are his own ambitions. It’s like, imagine dating this guy! You shouldn’t. That would not be very pleasant. He’s sadistic and wishes for nothing but suffering upon his foes. He doesn’t treat people for who they are— he sees most of those he likes as objects, made for him to tinker with and form into his ideal image of them. Not for their benefit, but for himself. He’s analytical of others when not upset, and when he is properly upset, he pretty much blacks out and is consumed by his own rage. He crumples and tears and smothers those in his way until someone is either trapped or dead. It’s almost as if he’s another person, controlled by emotion and nothing more.

But that’s what I love about writing him. He invokes the most passionate and strong feelings when trying to portray him properly, and it’s interesting to try and get into the mind of someone so horribly screwed up. He’s someone you absolutely do not want to be, but someone who may embody the emotions you want to hide away, the emotions that distress and horrify you. A bit sociopathic, in some ways…?

He’s got some mental issues that need to be addressed, HAHA (and yes, ofc it’s okay if I say that— I’ve got mental issues too). My awful screwed up guy I hate but adore and love at the same time.

And I’ve already gone over it before, but… it’s like, “If he’s so awful and feels almost nothing for others, then why is Colly dating Solly?” aside from their relationship starting from a joke.

Well, I’ll answer it again: it’s because in a way, that IS Colly. It IS Olly. It’s someone only who, in the whole wide world, could understand Colly to the absolute maximum. Despite bickering at the beginning, they got close.

It’s a bit messed up too, when you think about it, huh…? Two mentally unstable older teens / young adults getting into a relationship because they feel they’re the only ones who understand each other in the whole universe. Is this what they call “toxic yaoi”…?

Well, they develop their relationship later on and become a lot more healthy. It’s because they’re both narcissists, only being capable of loving themselves, despite all the hatred they harbor towards what was done to their bodies by their creators, too… and when they finally awake from their evil deliriums, they’re able to fully enjoy themselves without any of the strange dependency they developed towards one another while fighting to fold those 1000 cranes.

Basically, I love Colly. I love awful, screwed up, crazy, mentally unstable characters. I love the psychological aspect of it. I love Olly.

[skyborneveggie]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

(I was not tagged, but I saw @rose-of-pollux post this form a few weeks ago & it looked fun)

How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 38 works under my username on ao3. I also have 17 anon-ed fics from a fandom I no longer wish to associate with, and a handful of fics on ff.net that I didn't like enough to transfer to ao3.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 29,645 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now only feeling inspired to write for The Man from UNCLE TV show. Though I did post a Good Omens fic this year, & I could probably persuade myself to write another oneshot or two for that.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Idyllism (2016) [Rory & 11th Doctor; Gen but pairings if you like]

The Falliable Pillar (2016) [Onesided Kyouya Ootori/Tamaki Suoh]

1991 (2019) [Illya Kuryakin/Napoleon Solo]

Child's Play (2018) [FrostIron; unfinished & probably will remain so]

Me Paenitet (2011) [Onesided Draco Malfoy/Luna Lovegood, Onesided Astoria Greengras/Draco Malfoy]

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do always try to thank the person for reading. I usually only forget if it's a comment on a very old fic.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

This is extremely hard for me to answer. Out of the 50+ fics I've written, probably only 5 of them are not angst. My Good Omens fic Aeternum has the most gutting descriptions, but I have always felt that the absolute sucker punch at the end of Provocation (X/1999) hurt the most to write, & to reread.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh undoubtedly my MFU contemporary High School AU, The Puzzle.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have never gotten hate, but I have gotten backhanded compliments that I personally find hilarious. I made a post about it before here.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I... have attempted to write smut, but I don't think I necessarily succeeded. I have written several sex scenes with undetailed descriptions, and the one time I did attempt to be explicit the comments and I both agree that it came out sounding rather clinical. So I dunno if either of those situations really count.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have written several crossovers, but I wouldn't consider any of them crazy.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so, I don't think any of my fics have ever gotten popular enough for anyone to want to steal haha.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I used to translate my own fics into Spanish wayyy back when I first started writing, but I haven't done that in ages.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No but it sounds like fun! Would love to give it a shot some day.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Napoleon Solo/Illya Kuryakin. I am like Smeagol; I'm "interested in roots and beginnings." And how much closer to the root of contemporary fandom can you get, than with these two silly beans?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I would love to finish my 2019 Good Omens fic Temporalia because I think there are some good ideas & beautiful passages in there. The problem is that my interpretation of the characters has changed, & is no longer consistent with some of the details I wrote back then. I'd also like to complete my 2018 FrostIron fic someday, just for the sake of finishing it. It was entirely plotted when I quit on it, and I still have all my notes.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I am good at writing turmoil, inner confusion, and despair. I try to wring every ounce of angst out of descriptions, letting the character's distress color their perception of their environment, and I think I'm pretty decent at it. I also think I'm pretty good at expressing complex emotions without being too direct, though sometimes I worry that I'm too indirect & that I'll leave readers confused.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

PLOT, I am extremely impatient when writing scenes where things actually happen. Also dialogue, I always feel that my dialogue either just does not sound realistic, or does not sound like the characters.

Another huge writing weakness is that I am incapable of writing anything longer than short story length, & have abandoned every attempt at a longfic after the 2nd chapter.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I have done this in the past for characters who canonically do this. I know it is standard practice to italicize all foreign language words when writing, but I personally find this VERY jarring. I generally leave foreign dialogue unitalicized & formatted indistinguishably from the primary language dialogue. But I think I may be the only one with this pet peeve, because I have received a few complaints about my lack of italicization from readers.

I could go way more in depth as to why the italics on foreign words annoy me, but I don't think anyone would be interested in hearing that rant 😂

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. It was 2008. That fic has been scrubbed from the internet lol.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Provocation (X/1999). It was the one and only time I'd ever written something and then thought "Ah. Yes. This is an absolutely perfect execution of my vision."

Tagging @theniftycat, @tenok, & @lunetta-suzie-jewel if you like, or anyone else who wants to do this. (@andorianimpostor I'm not sure if you write fic or not, but I thought I'd tag you in case you do)

[aristi-achaion]

[20 Question Fic Writer Tag]

tagged by @johaerys-writes hehe ❤️

How many works do you have on AO3? 35!

What is your AO3 word count? 321,184 (that's nearly a book)

What fandoms do you write for? Right now, primarily for Patrochilles (TSOA/Hades game/classic lit), but I've also written for a bandom I'm in :)

What are your top five fics by kudos? Chronos, The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, I Can't Believe I've Met You, I'm So Blessed You're Mine, and A Welcome Threatening Stir!

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yesss absolutely! I try to respond to every comment, even if it's from an older fic. I love hearing what people have to say, and seeing that they enjoyed the story is what makes me keep writing haha

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? This is easy because I don't think I've ever written something angstier than I Know I Always Said That I Could Never Hurt You, it's the only fic I've ever tagged "hurt no comfort"

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Another easy one, Chronos!! I was only too happy to give them everything they deserved and more by the end of this fic, they'd been through too much haha

Do you get hate on fics? I don't think I've ever gotten *true* hate, mostly just people yelling at me because I've made Achilles suffer haha but I like strong emotions, it means i'm going my job correctly!

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes, always. It's mostly pretty vanilla stuff, but I experimented with writing some kinkier stuff with Cuffed.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I've never written one!

Have you ever had a fic stolen? No, but there was one time where someone posted my fics on a different website without permission. They gave me credit, but I believe the site was taken down or at least the fics were deleted (some kind of bootleg ao3??)

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! I've had a fic translated into Spanish, and I've been asked if someone could translate different fics into Russian and another language :)

Have you ever cowritten a fic before? Yes, I haven't in a long time but I had a really fun time cowriting! I wrote the Rocket Man series with an incredible author :) It's fun to bounce ideas off another person and see how your writing styles merge and evolve together!

What's your all-time favourite ship? Favorite ship to write about is definitely Patrochilles, but I've been reading a ton of Firstprince lately, they're like a comfort ship for me haha

What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever will? I started writing a cowboy au back when I finished school, wrote a couple thousand words for it and then just dropped it. I want to finish it though!!! I just don't know when I'll get to it, and I don't live in the country anymore so I don't have a lot of inspiration lol

What are your writing strengths? Probably writing intense emotions, and having my characters go through some truly distressing moments. I'm a cancer so I like to pride myself on being in touch with my emotions lol

What are your writing weaknesses? Description, and the fact that I struggle with getting a story started. Part of me always wants to pull an Ernest hemingway and just describe the scenery for a couple hundred words before I do anything, and I don't know what to do to fix that lol

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I like adding it if I'm comfortable with the other language or have a person who speaks the language to consult with. I think it's great when you want to emphasize the place/culture the characters come from, but when the translations aren't right there it can become a little tedious lol

First fandom you wrote for? Bandom fics, I don't want to say it but it literally might be McLennon 🥲

Favourite fic you've ever written? Honestly... This is tough. Because Chronos is definitely my most popular fic and I'm very proud of it. But there's also a few that I had so much fun writing, like This Side of Paradise, that almost felt inspired when I was writing it. That one is definitely the most sickeningly romantic fic I've ever written, another I'm very proud of. I also actually really love I Know I Always Said That I Could Never Hurt You, because I was able to incorporate a lot of actual text from the Iliad into it, and I think I did a really good job!!

This was so fun!!!!! Thank you Jo ❤️

[everybodyshusband]

About the fic ask thing:

All your work is amazing and I love reading anything you post.

The last thing on your "husband writes" tag (doesn't have a name, it's regressed rain trying to hide his regression from dew) is so interesting to me. (full disclosure English is not my first language and I'm taking about stuff in unfamiliar with so I'm sorry if I say something wrong) First of all it's so we'll written it really takes me into Rain's head. I love your style of writing so much because everything is always so nicely written. This fic also feels que insightful into something that I don't experience and I love reading stuff that I'm not personally familiar with. Like I spent the whole time trying to figure out what rain wanted exactly and I'm not sure I got it but I've still come back to read it several times. I understand he did want comfort but there's a part where I just struggle to understand if he does want dew to discuss "grown-up stuff" when he is little or not (I think this might just be because I'm not a native English speaker). Idk if this makes sense, I guess in general any extra info you are willing to share about that fic I would love bc i genuinely like it so much. But I read it was kind of a vent fic so I would understand if you didn't want to expand on it. I will try to educate myself on regression tbh bc I'm not very knowledgeable and maybe that would answer my questions, so I won't really bother you with any specific ones. Just if you have anything else you'd like to share regarding that fic.

Thank you for taking the time to read all this, and I'm sorry rambled on for so long!

I hope you have a nice day 💖

i'm going to skip over your lovely, wonderful compliments, my dear anon, not because i don't appreciate them, but purely because i don't know how to respond without getting all mushy and aragrhhrg &lt;3

in terms of the part you don't quite understand, that's not a problem with your english at all !! i tried to write it in a way that wouldn't really make sense :0 in my mind, rain gets frustrated when he's regressed because even though he's lived through so many experiences, the other ghouls won't talk to him about half of them when he's little (simply because the nature of these experiences could be distressing to him, even if rain doesn't think so). part of him knows that talking about it will make him feel worse, but with the mentality that he's in, he doesn't care, and sees their unwillingness to talk to him about certain issues as a way to channel their dislike of him, rather than them trying to help him be more comfortable. ...i hope that helped it make a little bit more sense ?

more under the cut because this got a little bit long :0

in terms of general ramblings about that fic (anon, please know i love you for enabling me to do this) i have so much to say but so little words to phrase my thoughts in the way i want to :0 i think the main thing i want to ramble about is rain's tendency for negative thoughts while he's regressed. i won't go into the specifics because i don't want to have to put any trigger warnings on your lovely ask, but in the scenario he was in in the fic you're referring to, he was regressing involuntarily.

something happened before the start of the fic that caused rain's mentality to slip into something even more awful than usual, and so his brain made the executive decision to shove him into a regressed headspace in order to keep him safe. the only problem with this is that when this happens, rain doesn't magically feel better; he feels just as awful as he did when he wasn't regressed, but the chances of him acting on those dangerous thoughts are lowered (although i definitely do want to write a fic/ficlet about rain doing exactly that one day, but that's a ramble for another time, haha !!) he so badly wants dew's comfort, but he can't manage to convince himself that he deserves it, and he's certain that any time dew spends with him is time wasted :(

i think that's about it for general rambling that i can think of for the moment, but i could ramble on about this fic (and any of my others too, to be honest) for days and days ! so please please please bother me with specific questions if you'd like to, haha !! i love answering them, even if it takes me a while. (and don't you dare apologise for coming into my inbox and sending me an ask that has made me smile every single day since you sent it >:0 thank you, my dear <;3)

fic ask game :>

[my-digi-life]

I never used to journal digitally, but I decided this year I would try to do something a little different. So let me introduce myself and give you a little run down:

I’m Arley. I’m 24, soon to be 25. I like to read and write. I want to keep this journal as anonymous as possible so I won’t get into what I do for work specifically, but if I ever need to I will vent about my work (very much a possibility as I work with the public and the public does some stupid shit sometimes). Any other details I deem necessary will be shared as I think of them haha.

Let’s get into some really journaling now:

I’ve made it through another year and it feels a little crazy how different I feel. I started 2023 very depressed and overwhelmed. I was feeling extremely burned out in my undergrad program, but knew I just had to push through because I was due to graduate in May. I was crying every single night and to be honest, I was starting to feel how I felt in the months leading up to my pysch ward visit in 2019.

I’m happy to say I ended the year with 0 psych trips and a shiny new degree in English. I’ve also found a job I love. To be honest, it’s a little hard to reconcile who I was and how I felt in January 2023 with who I am now. I know people say your brain fully developes around the age of 25 and I truly believe my brain did a lot of cooking in the last few months. I find myself calmer and more rational. I’m able to cope with the hits as they come and I’ve settled into a since of acceptance with somethings that used to cause me a lot of distress.

Let’s talk a little bit about yearly goals. I’ve kind of grown away from New Year’s Resolutions since I was a teenager, but I’ve started making some actionable goals for myself. I wanna start by reviewing my 2023 goals and then I will present my 2024 goals.

For 2023, I wanted to:

Prioritize mental health and healing from burnout

I did this! I’ve been taking my therapy more seriously and have been talking through my feelings with my friends and family instead of suffering in silence. I took two months off between school and the start of my first job and spent that time doing things that made me feel so fulfilled. Honestly, just getting out of school made me feel 100 times better. I remember I graduated and one of my besties, we’ll call them Rena, looked at me and said “you’re glowing now that you don’t have class anymore”. It kind of shocked me how right they were and just how miserable I was grinding that way for years.

2. Learn to love writing again

The actionable part of this was simply to start writing again. I actually added over 7k words to my manuscript! However, this has kind of gone to wayside since I started working, just because I don’t have the time anymore. I’m hoping in the following year though to learn to juggle my schedule better so I can do the things I love.

3. Take more photos & videos

This was a goal because I am a deeply sentimental person and I love looking back through photos. I actually did this and I’m so happy I did because I did so much fun shit this year and I never want to forget it.

4. Read 5 nonfiction books

NOPE! I read 1. I was fighting some real demons to get to my reading goal this year, so let’s just be thankful I read anything haha

5. Read more meaningfully

This goal basically just meant to be a little more thoughtful of the books I picked up instead of reading just to hit a goal. I definitely did this and my average rating really reflected it. I picked up a lot more books I ended up loving because I was actually thinking about them instead of just doing it as a means to an end.

6. Journal once a week

……….. No comment……

Okay! Time for 2024 goals! (A lot of these are more health focused)

Stop eating out on your lunch breaks!

I only work 2-3 long shift a week, but I’ve been eating out for every single one. Not is it only a strain on my wallet, but I’ve gained weight and I just don’t feel as good. I don’t want to make any goals directly related to my weight because those tend to go awry for me (ED girly here), instead I want to make goals that prioritize general health and feeling good.

2. Go to the gym at least 2 times a week.

I’m starting with just 2 days because I fear if I make it higher, I’m going to be setting myself up for failure. I pass this gym on my way to and from work so I think it’ll be easier to convince myself to go than it used to be. I’m gunna try working out after my shifts since it’s open 24/7, but if I need to, I’ll switch it to before my shift.

3. Read 60 books

I set a reading goal every year, even if I don’t put it in my written yearly goals. My goal in 2023 was 40 and I read 63. My goal for 2022 was 52 and I ended up reading 109, so I’m not too concerned about hitting this goal.

4. Watch more movies this year

Another goal I had in 2023 that I just didn’t write down. I don’t really watch movies instead I usually just watch brain rot TV shows that require 0 attention. However, I had a good time in 2023 looking for movies to watch. I also got to watch some that had been on my list for years! I actually got really into the whole Saw franchise and I have 0 regrets. Even developed a new hyperfixation with the Scream franchise (fuck SpyGlass Entertainment and fuck Scream VII tho).

5. More trips with friends!

My friend, Alyssa, has a goal to take more day trips in 2024. Day trips, vacations, or whatever, I just want to make more memories with the people I truly love!

That’s it for now! I’ll see you when I see you.

Hum and kiss from your friend,

[anvoo]

16.10.2023

New semester is starting.

I'm progressing with my therapy also, which is really nice. It's a place and time I can talk with a professional about my mental and moods, and we could try to figure something out. It's proving to be really beneficial to me, and that's something I'm really happy about.

Getting a haircut on Wednesday also, my barber's probably gonna be like wtf is that on your head why's it been so long haha. It's alright, I like him. He's a cool guy.

Sitting outside in the park rn.

My self-esteem is getting in the way a bit right now and making me feel anxious and not great.

Cat's going through a difficult time. We talked a bit more the past few weeks.

I think she's going through a phase of self-reflection. She has no friends except me and her family, so I think the isolation and loneliness gets to her sometimes.

She feels guilty and sad that she's got no friends, and also all the ones she lost contact with.

A while ago (few years) she lived in a shared house with her previous relationship and friends, but after she broke up with him and moved away, she never really kept contact with any of them anymore.

She told me also, that after breaking up with that previous relationship, she pushed away all her feelings and emotions without processing them and just ignored them to move on with her life. It's like a self-defense mechanism thing. And now, when she's reflecting on her past, some of the hurt from unresolved baggage and emotions are coming up.

I know that I got nothing to feel threatened by. She loves me and I'm more special and important than anyone to her (excluding bio family ofc), and she wants to be with me, and this is just hurt and distress from unresolved emotional baggage, but

my self-esteem is really messing with me. It makes me doubt and worry and causes me distress. It's shit.

I want to be understanding and supportive, but my own issues and insecurities get in the way and make it difficult.

I hate it.

But I don't want to stay like this and just feel pity and sad for myself.

I'm turning a new leaf and doing things that help.

Overthinking is terrible also, I'll write it down when I do cause writing keeps me grounded and organised, but I'll put a limit on how much self-medicating I can do - for now, 3 sentences max for overthinking and self-medicating/ self-soothing. I force myself out afterwards.

Gotta focus and do well for my semester, gotta get fit, gotta get friends. All of that would help me so much with the mental issues that are challenging me, so I wouldn't need as much soothing.

[raincamp]

7 - 29 - 23

i was too distracted by good omens 2 yesterday to write anything haha, a good thing though, because it meant that i was distracted from the emotions im experiencing in real life. i instead spent all of yesterday in mourning with crowley. i feel like he and i are going through similar issues right now, it was nice to feel like i had someone (fictional) who understood, and also had somewhere (fictional) to put all my feelings.

he is so BPD coded — i can't even begin to talk about it

anyway, today i spent most of my time with my best friend (M) who i think i have yet to mention here? she's kind of a FP— or she used to be— or, i honestly don't know at this point. since i figured out my therapist is a FP of mine, it feels like maybe M has become less of one? or maybe it just feels like that in comparison. its all so confusing sometimes to put labels on things. but i think whats important is that i have an attachment to her that is sometimes on the unhealthy side, but our relationship remains stable because we both put in the work to make it that way despite my unhealthy attachment.

we went to a cafe and i talked a lot about therapy, which was nice, she's a psychology major so she loves hearing about me and my disorder and my therapy, and she's also really insightful about relationships so she had a lot to add, it was kind of reassuring, but i did also accidentally trigger myself and started talking some very obvious BPD-cognitive-distortion-bullshit about my therapist which was kind of humiliating. she was understanding though— immediately called me out on it. and then suggested we do something else because she could tell it was distressing me.

i fear that i might start becoming emotionally dependent on her again now that my therapist has cut me off. i dont think it would be too bad, because of the stability of our relationship, however i do have feelings about that potential situation, because i dont particularly enjoy being dependent on anybody. it makes me feel guilty and ashamed of myself, and kind of frustrated because i can't seem to just be independent. the concept seems to be totally foreign to me.

i was going to try to hang out with another of my friends today too, but she didnt answer my 15 phone calls, and i kind of split on her too :') im having a rough time right now. idk why im getting so easily triggered all of a sudden.

maybe i just have more emotional vulnerability now? hm. its difficult figuring this kind of stuff out without her, my therapist, i miss her. i need her.

everything just feels kind of empty and hollow without my therapist in my life. like. i know im technically only missing seeing her for 2 days, but theres weeks in between those two days, and those weeks start to feel like years when it's somebody im so dependent on. so i feel like i've lost so much.

M was talking about how its possible my therapist withdrew partly because of how attached i was becoming, and i dont even want to consider that a possibility right now, but i cant stop thinking about it. i dont have control over how attached i become to people, and if thats whats causing her to be so cold towards me— which has been causing me SO much pain— then im gonna be,, idk i'm having a hard time identifying my feelings today. but its essentially telling me that i should be able to stop something i don't have control over in order to have the support that i need. I don't think thats fair.

thats the message im getting from this whole situation anyway though, since it all comes back to an addiction, which I don't have control over.

maybe i just dont deserve mental health support and treatment, i feel like thats just the overall message the universe is trying to convey to me right now. idk what i did to deserve it, but i obviously did something, so ig i should just accept the punishment. nothing i can do about it now.

if my therapist were here she'd call me out on blaming the universe like she always does. but shes not here so she can get fucked. ill stay being delusional if it makes me feel better.

im dissociated as fuck today

- andrew

[mikroaaurora]

wassup 2023

_____________________

Wow its almost been a year since I’ve written here which i guess means that i haven’t been doing too bad to have needed an outlet to write on or maybe it’s just that i rather burden my friends with my issues, but 2022 was definitely a year for me. 

Honestly its crazy because it doesn’t feel like I’ve done much in the past year but looking back on it now I think I’ve achieved quite a bit I could say, and grown a lot as a person (at least I hope).

I feel like I should start this with a list of new year resolutions then get into reflecting about my year but maybe I’ll change it up and look back first.

So damn where do I begin, i started the year off feeling miserable I guess (remember that dance group that I mentioned being kicked out of) yeah, it took a toll on me much more than I would have liked it to. I was stuck in a place where i grieved my old friends, grieved dance and everything in between. I was torn between going back to dance with a different studio or just giving up and calling it quits after about 16 years of doing this. But unfortunately as much as I wanted to leave dance it didn’t want to leave me, I always caught myself dancing along to music, still practicing choreos in my head, it would not go, I couldn’t stop it, and it annoyed me because for something that used to bring me so much joy only made me sad because as much as I wanted to dance with others, as much as my friends convinced me to join another group, I just wanted to be dancing with my old friends again. And to be honest I did join a dance project with others, it was fun! I made some really good friends and although it was tough mentally and physically I was very happy with the end result and very proud of me and my team.

Unfortunately, I still wasn’t satisfied, it didn’t feel the same and I had to tell myself that it wasn’t even going to feel the same. I wanted to go back to my old dance crew but I knew how much I hated the leaders, how awkward it would be between us, how most of my close friends has already left, or how it would bring back all of the stress and complications that I had in the first place, I just wouldn’t feel happy I guess, and so I had to keep reminding myself that (also the fact that I continuously shit talked the studio so much I feel like my friends would laugh at me if I ended up going back despite my hate love relationship lol).

Anyways it took me months of trying to convince myself and moving past this to finally and I mean FINALLY be happy with where I am. It was tough and I was very mentally distressed but now I can proudly say I’m a dance teacher at a studio I love and I have great friends around me and have officially lead my own first project! it’s kinda surreal and makes me a little emotional to think of how years ago I was struggling so much to even just audition to get into a group and now I’m a teacher? Crazy! I’ve also started to notice a lot of progression within my dance abilities which is making me excited and motivated to keep pushing, I also found the courage to post on Instagram and tiktok wow since an old friend who’s pretty popular within the dance community encouraged me to.

Okay enough talk about dance, some other things that really made my 2022 was starting a new job midway into the year and making really good friends! (I feel like we’re too close to call colleagues haha) The job itself is bearable I guess, it’s the toughest job I’ve worked but the people there are making me able to put up with it I guess.

I guess I also just started being more positive, and had a more positive outlook on life, I started feeling excited for things more often and would try my best to go out more and experience more things and so I guess you could say 2022 was a learning year for me.

So new years resolutions damn I feel like I have the same few every year but I’m hoping (god please I really am) that I’ll be able to fulfill them this year. Mhm here we are:

workout consistently!

spend less time on social media

stop caring about people that treat you badly!! let go of them for good !!

be my own person, don’t spend so much time trying to be someone else

be serious in learning italian

save save save money !!

care more about my appearance lol

study hard !!

self motivation

explore different genres of music 

outside more

start drawing again >>> webtoon?

All of these are pretty much self explanatory but I really want to focus on being my own person! For the longest time I’ve spent so much of my energy looking at others and comparing myself? Trying to look like others, I mean not to a big extent but just wishing I looked like that person, wishing I lived like someone else and I feel like I’ve already started to move past that the past few months because I’m doing thinks that I want to do, that make me happy. I just want to be my own person, look at my features and go “how can I enhance myself” figure out my own style (which is still getting there) and just not have to think about looking and living like someone else. I want to be truthful to myself.

[beta-adjacent]

Actually, I’m not sure if the truth is an even funnier punchline so I’ll share that too. Yes, it’s true; I really have been meal planning this week. My question was intended to be funny…… but it wasn’t not genuine.

So uh. I started writing and realized maybe I do need someone to talk to hahaha…. ? So yeah, bit of a vent under the cut, but I think it’s still silly goofy enough to post

Hear me out.

It just happens that I‘ve needed to go grocery shopping for the last 3 weeks. I’m not the one in charge of that budget (or the transportation or the time or even the energy, but maybe I have more power than I thought because I was blamed for us not going this weekend? I can elaborate on that whole situation too if you want?? I don’t know how relevant that is to the story). But point is that I can’t go myself, not until at least this upcoming weekend. So, this week has been about getting creative with the food we do still have left. And the house just happens to have a shocking amount of pet food lying around, despite us not having pets and I’ve become a rather adventurous eater in the last few years.

So, I think all that considered, it was a pretty fair question to ask!! And to answer yours formally: I am ok, and while I haven’t actually attempted to season pet food yet, I am kind of considering it. Just as a backup backup backup plan, y’know?

Don’t get this twisted: we do have the money to go out and shop!!!!! It’s not like we’ve been eating takeout/fast food this whole time; we have plenty of delicious food in the pantry that we’ve had since we moved in, that we’ve finally started using now. It just sucks because that food in question requires more energy to make, like opening up cans without a can opener and cooking rice in a rice cooker (………which I say with equal parts comic sarcasm and authentic distress, haha. I’ve been trying to not beat myself up too hard for actually finding those difficult tasks right now. Especially the rice cooker, oh my god. It’s a whole Thing re: the dishes). We’ve been using my uni’s grocery benefits too because it’s just more accessible; I just can’t visit them until tomorrow afternoon. All the food left in the pantry is good still, like everyone in the house is capable of eating it, and that’s what’s really important. Lots of canned produce and noodles and stale snacks, which, no fuck you, I’m gonna make a quick PSA about this while I have the floor: if you have sensory issues with it, that’s totally fine, but sometimes stale/burnt/otherwise “bad” food tastes Far better than the “good” fresh version!!!!!!!! That is a hill I will die on!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I need a stale, dry cereal in my life. Usually when the milk has gone bad. But mostly because the texture is yummy too!!!!! Honey Nut Cheerios are kind of banger when they’re chewy

I cannot stress enough: we have all the ability and power and tools needed to make our lives easier in this sense, and we just have continually chosen to not take those opportunities. It’ll all be resolved eventually and NOTHING I’m writing is actually as bad as I’m portraying it. We have the money, we have good food in stock, we can easily survive Weeks without shopping still. I’m just a lil guy who’s hungry for food and knowledge, haha

Anyways, so yeah, if you’re affronted by this situation now, then definitely don’t ask me about my hair, or the dishes, or anything else regarding the basic needs in my life, bwahaha. I mean, you can, but you’ll get similar answers to this one

Anywaysssss,

pet food burgers! I’ve been thinking about it more, and I believe I could even get away with making meatballs with them too? That’d stretch pretty far with the pasta. OOH, and we have some flour somewhere!!!! Dumpling filling, anyone?? Ah, and meatloaf!!! We’ve got ketchup, and half a loaf of bread, and that’s like kind of all you need for meatloaf right? Guys, I think I’m really onto something here! Or I’m just hella hungry, bwahahaha. But no y’all, I could totally crush a Chopped episode where one of the ingredients is pet food; it’s a versatile protein source!!!

How bad can wet pet food actually be? I mean, you season that shit, fry it like a patty, serve it with some bread? That’s just some spam with the texture of canned tuna!