#start to cry cause it hurts so fucking much to trust that someone will do their best to help me but instead causes me massive emotional pain

[succubi-tch]

.

[pippin-katz]

So, you know how Edwin screams for Charles as he’s being dragged back to Hell? Because he’s scared?

I was thinking about why, and it’s obvious. No big brain moment here. Someone you care about, who you know cares about you in return, brings even the smallest amount of comfort in situations where you are scared. They make you feel safe, so when you’re in danger you want them near you.

Edwin screams for him while being dragged away to Hell, and calls to him when he’s strapped into Esther’s device before the torture starts.

Yeah, we already know that, but I noticed something yesterday.

When you’re thinking about the show in general, Charles is the one who does the physical rescuing and protecting. Edwin’s best way of doing that is to make sure nothing goes awry so Charles won’t have to rescue someone. He prevents the danger from happening the best he can, while Charles charges at the danger if he has to. Edwin actually calling to Charles for help more makes sense given how their methods of helping each other differ.

But yesterday, I was working on something, and I like to listen to the show in the background sometimes (gotta boost those numbers for my boys ✌🏻). I can typically finish the whole show in a day cause it’s not long, so I started it at the beginning.

While listening to them tussling with the WWI ghost, obviously Charles yells, “Edwin! Hurry the fuck up!”

It’s an instruction and emphasis of the urgency and the need for speed in this situation. Telling someone to hurry up is used in all sorts of contexts, serious and unserious. You might say it with frustration if you were trying meet a deadline with a partner, or angrily while playing some video game that has timers, or with concern if you were waiting for important updates on the conditions of an injured friend.

Charles is a combination of them because the situation has been getting out of hand and he can’t do anything about it. He needs Edwin to cast the spell to break the curse.

But it’s while Edwin is saying the spell that Charles yells just his name. It had always created a feeling in my chest, but I couldn’t pinpoint it.

Listening to it with headphones (multiple times) and while not being distracted by the visuals allowed my brain to focus on just the voices, and how I felt while listening to them. I’ve listened it so many times over the last month, and I finally managed to fully figure it out!

The roughness in his voice from yelling so loud. The desperation that seeps into it. The way he enunciates his name, stress on and the pitch raising on the second syllable, similar to the way you'd ask a question, when the stress is usually on the first syllable, and the pitch usually goes down.

This is maybe the only time in the entire series where Charles sounds scared (excluding flashbacks). I don’t mean the “worried about someone” type of scared; we get to hear that a couple times, mostly when Edwin is taken back to Hell.

But no, here he is scared for himself.

He’s gotten thrown around. He’s gotten choked. He’s gotten knocked onto the ground on his back, being pinned down by a malevolent ghost of a soldier, who also has a knife and is very much trying to stab him right now.

Charles has done everything he can. Now, he just needs to not get hurt until Edwin breaks the curse. But that’s easier said than done when your opponent has basically every advantage. He’s struggling! He has been struggling! And now he's about to be stabbed!

He yells to Edwin because he’s scared, and he knows Edwin will do everything in his power to protect him in a dangerous situation, just as Charles would for him. It’s cry for help instead of an instruction.

But it's also a reassuring gesture for himself. Edwin is there. He trusts Edwin. Edwin is his safety. He has been since he met him in the attic, and became the first person in a very long time, maybe ever, to show so much care, and protectiveness toward him, after everyone in his life had hurt him or had watched him be hurt and did nothing. Edwin won’t let anything happen to him. Edwin is going to save him. And he believes it despite his fear, and Edwin does!

His means of doing so look very different from Charles’, but it’s through breaking the curse that he’ll save Charles rather than trying to fight the ghost off of him. That won’t work. Edwin can’t physically do that, and it wouldn’t stop the ghost from continuing to attack them. So despite him being several feet away casting a spell instead of running to Charles, he is protecting and saving him. And Charles knows that too.

It creates a weird fuzzy feeling in my chest to know that Edwin is the person Charles thinks of when he's scared. It's obvious that Edwin sees Charles as safety, so it feels rarer to see the opposite on display. They are each other's safety, and that is fucking special.

(ko-fi)

[winchester-24]

Imagine Sam having to choose between you and Ruby.

These past few months have been a test of your relationship, to say the least, with the younger Winchester. While you and Dean were on the same page, not wanting to trust a demon, Sam, for whatever reason, had a soft spot for her. You never got a good feeling from her. While Dean backed you up and said you were being sensible, Ruby would claim you were just jealous about another woman being around. Even though Sam would try to appease both sides initially, he would always take Ruby’s side, saying she was just here to help.

While she did helpful things for the three of you, it never shook you that she had an ulterior motive. At first, she would be around occasionally. She would be around with anything demon-related but would leave right after that. In any other case the three of you took, she wasn’t there. Then she started hanging around after interrogating demons; she would pop up after you three finished a hunt until it was the point that she was around almost, if not every day. It wouldn’t be as bad if she didn’t want to spend every moment with your boyfriend. The only time it seemed that you would get to see him was when you two would go to bed together.

You would voice your concerns to Sam at night when it was just you two, and he would listen, be understanding, and try to reassure you as much as you could. He would kiss on you and declare his love for you. He would tell you that he would be better with spending time with you during the day, and you would feel better- for that night. The next day, it would be the same story, a different day. You had no idea what hold Ruby had on Sam, but it was starting to piss you off.

One night, you couldn’t hold it anymore, so you let Sam have it. You let out all of your frustrations and vented your anger, hurt, and need for him to look at what she is doing. This caused a drastic fight between you and him. Dean, being only a room over, heard it and came to your rescue to defend you and try to show Sam how delusional he was starting to become. Sam stormed out that night and did not return until early that morning, smelling like a bar.

After two days of pettiness and sass, you two made up, much to Ruby’s displeasure. You made a point after the argument that you were there wherever Sam and Ruby were together. It didn’t matter if they were in the hotel room, a diner, or wherever they were; you were right there. It was pissing Ruby off. You would smugly hold Sam’s hand as she glared at you, and you would blow kisses to her, taunting her, challenging her to question Sam about you being there.

Unfortunately, the climax of your relationship hit once it was uncovered that Ruby could not get Dean out of his deal. The hurt and betrayal felt was expected but still stung. You knew you shouldn’t have trusted a demon, but a part of you hoped that you wouldn’t have to experience someone that was like your brother’s death on top of the love of your life having to go through that grief. The days following Dean’s death were rough. For the first few days, Sam and you would hold onto each other and cry, sleep, drink, and repeat. While not healthy, you and Sam had each other and would tell each other that you had one another; you guys would get through this together. However, there was a particular demon that was still sticking around.

After the first week, Ruby was still there trying to comfort Sam, not you, but only Sam. Your grief turned to anger, and you started a fight.

“Why the fuck are you even still here? You told us that you could get Dean out of his deal, and you couldn’t even fucking do that. Dean is gone; your purpose here is done. Let us grieve in peace and go find someone else to fuck over.” You snapped as she once again tried to hug Sam to comfort him. Ruby turned around, glaring at you.

“While you have been too busy living in your pathetic, sad girl world, I have been formulating a plan to get back at Lilith for Dean being sent to Hell. While I could not save Dean, I can at least help Sam get the revenge on the one who deserves it.”

“Hell no. You don’t get to be anywhere near Sam after all the shit you have put him and the rest of us through. We can figure it out on our own without your stuck-up, no good, nothing attitude around us.” Sam walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders.

“Hey, I know we are all upset right now, but let's calm down for a second and hear what the plan is, hmm? Do you think that’s possible?” You glared up at him.

“Don’t you see what she is doing? She is tearing us apart. First, Dean, and now she is going to wedge herself between us. She is not good for you, Sam. She is not good for us. Let us figure out how to deal with Lilith on our own. We don’t need her.” Sam sighed.

“I am going to hear her out; if you don’t want to, fine, but when you are ready to seek justice for Dean, let me know.” He kissed the top of your head and then stalked out of the room. Ruby gave you a smug look and sauntered out of the room to follow Sam. You could only stand there seething.

After that, Sam started to distance himself from you. He would come to bed after you and be gone before you woke up. He and Ruby would stop talking when you entered the room, and he no longer talked to you about Dean, Lillith, the plan, or anything for that matter. He would ask how you were doing, tell you he loved you, and make casual conversation, but that’s it. You put up with this for two weeks, but after that, you had enough.

You packed a bag, all the stuff you have been traveling with, and some of the weapons and gear from the Impala you typically used. You walk into the main living room where Ruby and Sam are; as usual, they stop talking as soon as you enter the room, except Sam’s eyes widen when he sees your bag. You dropped it on the ground, and it made a thump sound and made eye contact with him.

“Listen close, Winchester, and listen well because I will only say this once. I can’t remember the last time you came to bed with me, when I woke up to you or even when I had more than a three-minute conversation with you. You are keeping secrets from me, and if that isn’t bad enough, you are keeping secrets from me with a Demon, in case you forgot that is what she is. We are no closer to finding a way to get Dean back or kill Lillith unless we are, and you just don’t want to tell me. However, all I know is all our problems started when that bitch walked into our lives. So now you have a choice. You can continue this little scheme with a demon, the one who has lied to us and used us; you and her can talk and hang out all you want. You can even kiss her and fuck her if you haven’t already because let's be honest, I don’t even know where you are most of the time anymore,” Tears start to form in your eyes, but your voice doesn’t falter; Sam is standing up at this point but not moving towards you.

“or you can come with me. You can grab your things; we can leave in the Impala and put her behind us. I won’t ask questions, I won’t be mad, it will just be me and you and the bitch that has brought this on us,” You take a moment to glare at Ruby, who is already glaring at you, before looking back at Sam, “will be forgotten. I don’t want to throw away the years we have been together, Sam, but I refuse to compete with a demon when I am already yours. You can’t have both of us, so you must pick one.” Sam’s eyes are glossy, and he is trying to hold back tears. He takes a step towards you, but you take a step back. If you let Sam touch you, it is a guaranteed fold, and you will still be stuck here playing the third wheel with your own boyfriend. Sam stops moving but starts speaking softly.

“I’m sorry I have been keeping things from you; that is my fault. I have been distant, but it isn’t because I love you any less, because Y/N, I love you so much. Ruby has a plan. We have been working on it together, which takes a lot of time and effort. I know I haven't been the best boyfriend, but I am doing this for us- for Dean. You have to believe me on that. I would never want to hurt you, but this plan that Ruby has will work; I need the time to figure it out together.” Your heart sinks as, once again, he is defending what she is doing.

“She said her plan for Dean would work too, Sam, and look at where that got us. I don’t trust her. I don’t know what this plan is, but it’s not a good one, and it's leading you down a dark path. What I still say stands- me or her. Who is more important to you, Sam.” One tear falls down your face as your boyfriend doesn’t immediately answer. He shakes his head.

“Please don’t make me choose.” He says finally, voice cracking. You sigh, shake your head, and grab your bag.

“It sounds like you already did. I will figure out how to get Dean out on my own. Have fun with your new demon girlfriend.” You walk towards the door, hoping Sam will at least grab your wrist and stop you try to convince you to stay, anything. However, when you get to the door and open it, you turn to look back at Sam and he is still standing in the same place, but now Ruby is standing beside him, hand on his shoulder as she is also looking at you walk out the door- except she has a slight smile on her face. You scoff,

“Seems like she has a deeper root on you than either of us realized, huh, Sammy?” You say before walking through the door and closing it behind you, along with the life you had with Sam. More tears fell down your face as you started walking away from the motel room you guys were in for the week. You allowed yourself to cry for a few minutes before wiping your tears away.

You had to save Dean. You had to make a plan.

But most importantly, you had to call Bobby for a ride.

[icarusredwings]

Not really comfortable exploring his part of his charater since its a bit too close to home for me but it's common for patiants with brain cancer to become violent and agressive depending where their turmor is and what it's hiting/ the way your brain is physically reacting to it's changes.

In the comics, there's lots of reference to domestic abuse from Wade and sometimes towards him in return and this is not a "Logan should have to deal with Wades overly agressive behavior" but I can see how utterly terrifying this would have been for his non regenerative partners.

Wade's LITERAL brain chemistry is changing and fluctuating all the time so it wouldn't be uncommon for him to come home and suddenly be acting very weird for him. That's the thing though. Everyone knows that Deadpool is unpredictable, its one of his largest charater traits. He's so unpredictable that even Task Master wants nothing to do with him.

Though I think about this being an easy fix for Logan, where else it might not be. Sure, before he figures it out he definitely would be pissed and confused, maybe even emotionally hurt.

Yeah they fight, yeah wade hit him a lot during those fights but it wasn't really the same. It's like those fights were unwrittenly consensual but hes been angry for no reason all week, cursing up a storm. The things Wade said never usually were this hurtful. But it was starting to get to him. His last straw is when he has the audiacity to kick puppins out of the way.

A 'There is NO way that's Wade' moment before stabbing him in the head.

Theres a fuss, some wrestling, but ultimately this fixes the problem. No you idiots not because he beats wade into submission Tch you could never actually do that. One of his second biggest traits is resiliency. He was literally deprived of air for al.ost 3 days straight and still managed to beat the fuck out of people, had his chest put a huge hole through, and then proceeded to run off. There is no "breaking him like a horse" or even a dog. His spirit is far to strong and he hates himself so much that nothing you say will truely hurt him, only hurt his trust in you cause he trusts you not to say those things but have been thinking the same thing about himslef for years.

It's when Logan finally hits the tumor (and or digs it out) when Wade's brain tissue regenerates and therefore removes the presssure/chemicals causing the problem. Wade also has a ton of memory issues because of stuff like this and honestly I can see him not even remembering that he did all thess things so when Logan tells him he was being an ass to him, how he called him a useless good for nothing, how he hit him when they weren't even play fighting, how he kicked puppins(?!)

He would be extremely over apologetic and probably cry because he himself knows what its like plus he can't control it and knows this will not be the last time.

Wade is toxic. He is extremely abusive in the eyes of healthy normal non regenerative non mutant relationships. And theres nothing he can do about it.

Yeah, Wade gets bitches. But keeping them is harder then making Al stop doing coke. It's never going to happen. Unless somehow someway someone removes his cancer without him dying, he will forever be like this. Ofc he dosn't want to be. It's why Vanessa probably left him. DV is hard enough but "Sorry I punched you in the face I had a huge tumor in my brain" is one of the very very very very very VERY few excuses for it. Because he CAN'T change though and often falls into manic depressive episodes as well, It's too much for a human.

It's impossible to handle if you don't have the correct tools.

Fortunately for Logan, He has 6. And won't let Wade get too out of hand. I can actually see him beating the fuck out of him the second he even tries to swing at him, sit up from all the blood on his face and hands, tumor between his teeth or something. "Better?"

It takes a few seconds for him to kick back, but it's one of those things where it can't be helped without ripping your boyfriends skull open.

"Better... I'm sorry, Logan.."

"You better be. I had a black eye for about 3 seconds, and I was really pissed about that."

"I bet you looked hot tho.."

"Shut up. You're introuble. Now clean up your brain juice before Al slips and dies."

Later that night, Wade tries to cuddle with Logan as an apology, curling into his back and snaking an arm over his waist.

A growl comes from Logan but he dosn't do anything about it. As mad as he is, he knows Wade cant help it and Wade was never angry at him when he blacks out and attacks him so why should he stay angry at him?

Honestly, he's more pissed about the name calling because it kinda hurt his trust with him. It hurts far more coming from his mouth than his own.

[generational-atrophy]

OMG! I WAS LOOKING THROUGH UR BLOG CUZ MY HETALIA PHASE IS BACK AND WAS LIKE "I LOVE THIS WRITER SM WHERE ARE THEY" AND BOOM!

So request, if that's okay, the main 8 with a reader who cries during confrontations and or arguments. An imagine where ofc the main 8 says something hurtful and reader just covers their ears because 1.) Ears do be sensitive and 2.) It causes them to shut down completely

Can we know how they'd handle it plus how it'd go? Ty 💜

hetalia main 8 saying something they regret in an argument

2.8k words ~ gender neutral headcanons

tw: they say hurtful things, and are kind of assholes in general lol

America - Alfred F. Jones

“I’m better than this. Why’d I keep someone as seriously uncool as you around?!”

Even as you immediately begin turning away from him, curling into yourself for comfort, Alfred would be less than sympathetic. If you’d ever doubted how self-centred he could be, this was more than enough evidence to prove it.

“What? What- just- don’t do that! You’re the one who started this!”

It’s unlikely he’d let up even after the tears start. He’s really that callous when he feels hurt. After a few tense minutes of silence broken only by your quiet whimpering, he’d start tearing up too. Not from guilt, seeing how much he hurt you. But instead from how he’s only now realizing he has to put his own feelings aside to take care of yours.

He’d approach you like a rabid animal, a lump stuck in his throat as he tries to say anything to get you talking again.

“Listen, it’s uh- not that serious. I’m sorry, ok? Let’s just… like- do something else?”

His comforting consists mostly of trying to get you out of your own head. Once it’s been long enough that you’re less scared, he’d take your hands away from your ears gently and kiss your cheek. If you’re sensitive to other things, he’d wrap his jacket around your shoulders and turn off the lights until you’re up and talking again.

“See? Not that hard, just like I said. Good job, babe…  let’s just keep going like this, yeah?”

Somewhere, past all of the self-absorption and pride, he does have a heart. And that heart will immediately take you out to get ice cream. It’d take him a while to admit fault (and I mean real responsibility, not just his usual “sorry not sorry, move on,” schtick,) but maybe once your tear stains have dried, he’d realize what an ass he’d been.

England - Arthur Kirkland

“G*d, you’re pissing me off already! Just- fuck- get out of here if you hate us so much!”

Like usual. He’s desperate to just leave as soon as there’s conflict. It may be annoying, but at least he’s only doing it because he knows how awful he is when frustrated. 

If you don’t take up his offer to abandon the conversation, he will. You’d have to be seriously struggling to keep him with you in that moment.

“Trust me, everything will be much, much worse if I stay…”

He’s always acting like that. It’s like his conscience disappears when he speaks, but only returns when he’s already said the hurtful thing. Never taking responsibility, always panicking and leaving just as your tears start to fall.

But, the more you tell him how much that hurts, the more he might be willing to stay.

It’ll take him a while to be able to choke out a cowardly “sorry,” but at least he’ll stop trying to push you away at every occasion.

“Wait- don’t cry so much love, I’m- I… I didn’t mean it. Ok? Is that better?”

It’s impossible for him to keep arguing once you’re truly upset. Instead, he’ll take you by the hand to the kitchen so he can start making tea for the two of you. In that silence, he encourages you to speak whatever awful thoughts you’re repeating to yourself. He’s just trying to get you in a comfortable environment again at that point.

Quiet affirmations are the only things he’ll bring, looking at you sympathetically and still holding your hand tight while you talk about whatever you want to. Whether that be something completely random, insults towards him, or actual constructive discussion is up to you.

At the end of the night, he’ll apologize. Not well, mind you, but enough to dissuade you from whatever hurt you earlier. All that matters to him is that you don’t go to bed upset.

“I’ll do better next time… or- I mean- I’ll do my best to… not be like that… again. Promise.”

France - Francois Bonnefoy

“But is it that impossible for you to put in some effort? It’s just… embarrassing to be with you right now!”

He’s always been a fighter for sport. When he argues with you, it’s not to prove a point. It’s probably not about anything he actually cares about either. He honestly just does it for fun. To him, arguing is how you really get to know someone.

So when you take his words to heart and, in the worst case, start crying, he just really doesn’t know what to do.

“Merde, darling, you know I wasn’t being serious! Come on now, don’t take it so personally…”

He may grumble about how he didn’t want you to get so upset, but at least he’ll still calm down and quit pushing you. Whatever tension there was before will dissipate as soon as he sighs, making his way over to you and wrapping you in his embrace. Unless that makes you even more uncomfortable, in which case he’ll just grab your favourite blanket and gently drape it over your shoulders.

“I am so sorry I made you so upset, I really didn’t mean it. You’re wonderful to me, always so stunning!”

For as long as you need him to, he’ll apologize over and over again, playing with your hair and wiping away your tears as delicately as he can manage. He may be just as upset as you are when he realizes what he did, but he’s shockingly good at compartmentalizing that when you need support.

But, if you focus too much on how he hurt you, he might start crying too. He can’t help it. Ignore him.

Either way, he’s there to hold you and validate you in whatever you might be feeling at that moment. Be as irrational as you need to be,  he understands the urge well. And either way, he’ll just nod along to anything you say and insist it’s everyone else's fault. Including his, unlike basically every other man.

“How can you expect to survive when you hold all of this in? Please, always come to me even with small things, we share everything as lovers, yes? I cannot bear to see you as upset as this…”

China - Yao Wang

“Can’t you act your age? How do you expect anyone to put up with you like this?!”

As soon he says it, he knows that was an awful thing to say. He doesn’t need you to tell him, he can tell just by your expression that it was too far. You didn’t deserve that, he told himself.

But that doesn’t mean his ego is gonna let him give in so easily. Even if he was an ass, he still can’t let himself give up “authority” in a fight.

“Agh- that’s not… its not what I mean to say, alright?! So just… pretend I did not….”

If you quit fighting, instead becoming more upset, he’ll really struggle to calm down instead. Like, yes, he knows he should be trying to make you feel better, but that’s- he just doesn’t want to! He entered this fight with a purpose, and just because you’re crying doesn’t make that purpose any less important!

“Why won’t you argue back?! Aiyah, I knew you were childish but-”

Then he cuts himself off. Does he want to be the bigger person and apologize? No. But will he do it if you stop crying? Yes.

He’ll rest a hand on your arm and suggest in the gentlest voice possible that the two of you should go for a walk. Maybe the fresh air will help both of you clear your heads. He doesn’t know what must’ve happened to him to make him say all of those things either.

“I don’t think those thoughts, tiánxīn. I’m sorry I said it, I was upset but… I still should have known better.”

For as quickly as he’s willing to take responsibility, he’s not as much good at the “getting you out of breakdown” stage. Hopefully, you’ve already communicated with him about that so he knows to stop being so loud and trying to touch you. He’ll do whatever you request of him, but what’s best for you in that moment is probably not his first instinct.

“I’m sorry I was being such a huge ass. I love you, I promise.”

Russia - Ivan Braginsky

“You think you are special? I can beat sense into you just like I can them!”

Good luck getting him to understand that you can’t just threaten people within the next few hours. It will not work. When he’s angry, he really doesn’t care about feelings. Just about getting you to cooperate with whatever he says.

He may usually think of both of you as equals, but when you start seriously challenging his authority while he’s in a bad mood, it’s impossible for him to not be cruel. It’s always just better to leave than let him spiral and hurt both of you in the process

Although, he (obviously) would never actually put his hands on you. He just acts like a big baby and’ll stomp his feet and tell you whatever will get the most reaction out of you.

“Любимый, won’t you come out? I’m very sorry, I promise… can’t we just talk?”

But if you do remove yourself from the situation, he would never chase after you and force you to keep being in that awful environment. He knows better than that at least.

The moment you turn away and refuse to engage with his childishness, he’s already planning how to get you to forgive him. For as callous as it seems, your disapproval hurts him more than anything else. He would come to you on his knees, snivelling and pleading,  if that was what he had to do just for you to look at him again

The moment you let him in though, he just rushes over and captures you in his arms. He would dry your tears as gently as he could, treating you like you were made of glass.

“Куколка, куколка, you know I never mean any of that, right? I’m sorry, sorry, please- please, forgive me? If I kiss it better, will you forgive me, любимый?”

He’s so pathetic. Ask anything of him in this state and he’ll do it without hesitation. Unless it’s staying away physically. He’ll be quiet and let you ignore him but don’t try to push him away or he’ll get whiney. If you stress that it isn’t personal enough, maybe he’ll let it go though.

North Italy - Feliciano Vargas

“Why aren’t I good enough? You always abandon me, like-  like I’m nothing! Why do you hate me!?”

The moment either of you pick a fight, he’s already sobbing. Sure, he can argue with his brother for hours, but you matter to him in a much more vulnerable way. If you’re at all upset with him, he instantly feels like you don’t like him any more.

But when he feels attacked, he attacks just as much. In his subconscious, it’s always easier to push you away than have you abandon him yourself. That doesn’t result in very productive conversations, though.

“You’re just pretending you love me! You’re a liar, I- I know it!”

When you start crying along with him from all the awful things he’s said, two things can happen.

One, he cries harder, interpreting your hurt feelings as being an admittance to what he accused you of. Why would you be crying if it wasn’t from guilt, and why’d he say that when he so dreaded it being true?!

Or two, you’ll tell him about how truly terrible it feels to have him think those things about you, and he’ll snap out of it. His overwhelming emotions make him incredibly selfish at the moment, so he truly hadn’t considered how you felt from all of that.

Then he immediately lowers his voice, giving you plenty of space until you feel up to talking again. 

“Oh… I’m sorry! I didn’t- you wouldn’t do that! I know that, you know that, so just- I’m sorry! Please, forgive me, amore mio dolce!”

He pulls you into a hug immediately, keeping the two of you as close as physically possible as he whispers promise after promise of his love. Until your tears dry, he won’t stop strangling you with unabashed affection, doing anything he can just to get you smiling again.

The feeling of guilt is not something he’s used to. It’s not out of the realm of possibility that he’ll start crying again too.

“If I ever make you feel bad again, please shut me up, please! I can’t take the thought of you so hurt by my words!”

Germany - Ludwig Beilschmidt

“My word should be more than enough for you to shut up already!”

It’s exceedingly rare that he ever loses his temper around you like that. Normally, you’re the one thing that can always calm him down. Just looking at your face makes his chest fill with butterflies, drowning out whatever dark thoughts he’s having.

So, needless to say, he immediately regrets snapping at you. Immediately.

“Wait, no- no, I didn’t mean to say that. I didn’t mean to. It’s not true, just- just stupid, I’m sorry, liebling…”

Whatever you two were arguing about is instantly forgotten as he rushes over to you and takes your face in his hands. It just breaks his heart to see you hurt, much more at his own actions. You don’t have to worry about him taking responsibility, he would never try to dodge the guilt of making you cry.

It’s not the first time he’s lost control, and he knows it’s his fault. But maybe if he takes you in his arms gently enough, rocking you back and forth as you cry into his shoulder, it’ll make it a little easier for you.

But if you just need a silent moment to yourself, that’s perfectly fine too. He’s autistic, so he certainly understands the feeling and will happily provide you with whatever comforting items you request.

“I’m sorry… you didn’t deserve what I said. I love you, please tell me you know that…”

Even if you pretend you weren’t that upset by it, Ludwig wouldn’t let it go like that. If he gets to his breaking point like that, whatever fight you were having is put aside for the night. Now all that matters to him is that the two of you make up and get back into how things were before as soon as possible.

Expect him to be beating himself up for a while though. He just wants you to know how sorry he is, how much he regrets snapping at you, even if it does seem a bit excessive. But he’s just had too many people he cared about leave to not make a whole thing out of it.

Japan - Kiku Honda

“Don’t you have any sense of personal space? You are like- choking me with all of… you! I can’t stand it!”

He’s a logical man. That’s one thing he always tells himself. Never, not even when he’s emotional, does he say things he doesn’t mean. Was the way he said it less than perfect? Yes, of course, he can’t believe he had just acted so impolitely, especially to someone who he cares so much for. But he still… meant what he said.

But, for the first time, as he watches your face break slowly, he’s not so sure of himself. Whether he meant it or not seems suddenly so inconsequential compared to the thought of hurting you. He… upset you? That wasn’t supposed to happen.

“Ah- why are you crying? What is wrong? You… you- it will be… alright, you know? You are ok!”

Wait- no, don’t cry more from that! He has absolutely no idea how to comfort you, but if he really has to, he’ll do his best. Although it’s a little difficult for him to resist drawing your hands away from your ears, he’ll do his best to just let you have your process (no matter what that means for you.)

Before you can even hear him coming closer, you’re suddenly drawn into an intimate hug. His hand drawing your head underneath his and kissing the crown of your head so lovingly, it's almost like another person possessed him as he turns so soft just at the sight of your tears

Would his pride usually reject this? Yes, but, it’s certainly not the first time he’s had to put that aside for you.

He’ll sputter generic apologies, purposefully hiding his grimace as he forces himself to forget about whatever you two were arguing about before. Well, at least for now. Most likely he’ll bring it up not long after, but in a much more… non-confrontational way.

“Let us go do something else instead, hm? You’ll only get more upset like this, and I want that as little as you want it.”

On one hand, he’s a little annoyed he had to put aside his own gripes to calm you down. But on the other hand, he hates conflict. Anything that gets you guys back to normal is worth it, especially if otherwise you’ll be crying in his arms. That’s his absolute nightmare.

[voidsturn]

title: cowboy like me

pairing: crime syndicate!matt x undercover agent!reader

plot: matt, feeling betrayed by the one girl he loved, struggles with heartbreak and rage after her role in an ambush nearly destroys his family. she insists it was for the protection of his father, but matt’s trust wavers between eggshell-like hope and total loss. can they put aside their ‘differences’ and hopefully not kill each other?

trope: angst?? (i swear it started off as one), maybe hurt/comfort??, betrayal trope, forced proximity, lovers to enemies, open ending

warnings: words and mentions related to firearms and death. this is such weird timing, (matts slightly aggressive in this one folks) due the shit show caused by the recent friday video.

author’s note: ‘and the skeletons, in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up…’

also credits to anyone who has ever done anything like this. if anyone wants me to tag them, i’m fully ready to do so cause its a rlly fun pairing tbh

matt - blue | reader - pink | chris - orange | nick - purple

matt didn't have much time left. barely one half hour, before the other side would bust through the mindfully constructed door of his ‘abandoned’ cabin, in the middle of the woods. matt’s mind was scrambling more than his wounded figure. scrambling for answers while his tired and injured body hurriedly searched for guns. matt knew this would happen. trusting a girl that reminded him of himself before ‘everything’ was like knowingly falling into a bear trap. just like how the bear trap suspends it’s target in air for the entire world to judge, matt felt the same. ashamed, vulnerable and filled to the brim with pure, unadulterated rage.

matt heard his heartbeat in his goddamn head. on the verge of either passing out or drowning in a pool of his own tears, he didn't know what to choose. his pride, but most importantly his trust was just left shattered. like a few thousand, tiny pieces of an expensive glass someone purposely broke. he finally chose the latter. completely spent, matt tiredly slunk down the hardwood wall of his bedroom.

choosing to cry was easier said than done. in reality, he felt shell-shocked. replaying the last hour of one of the worst days of his life, thus carved the path for fresh, hot tears to stream down matts battered up face. the engagement was supposed to be a new beginning. it was the happiest the sturniolo family has been in years.

matt remembered his brothers. the stark difference between before and after was depressing to watch. nick was beaming. he was so happy, he finally found the love of his life and nick finally made him his. aaron, nick’s fiancé, along with nick, were decked with brown and grey suits respectively. the newly engaged couple’s childlike grins, were enough to make the saddest one in the world crack a smile. the engagement hall was big enough to fit a few hundred people, yet only the nearest and dearest to the sturniolos were present. them coupled with a few dozen guards made it seventy.

chris and matt were so stupidly happy for their beloved older brother. they kept teasing and lightly punching nick, who was getting more annoyed by the minute. after witnessing the beautiful engagement, all matt could think about was his own future with y/n. she was rough at the edges, but adored cats.

he still remembered the first time she finally smiled at him. it was after matt managed to save a stray kitten from a tree. after seeing her in that light, he made it his life’s mission to make her his. he had fallen in love and was going to tell her once she came back from the bathroom.

”chris y’know where y/n might be? i’m getting worried.” his hard headed brother was finally whipped, chris thought in his head.

thought in his head cause he was in no mood to get smacked by matt. “bro, y’need to calm the fuck down. she’ll be here.”

as if on cue, a door bust wide open. it wasn’t the bathroom door but the main door. it all happened so fucking fast. too damn fast. the horrifying sound of bullets and screams, echoed throughout the hall. the guards ate most of the bullets for dinner while some of the family got shot, a few at very critical places. the main guard, along with others, managed to whisk only nick and mark along with their parents and other cousins to safety.

chris and matt had already run off into the storage closet of the hall where chris thought a few guards were. alas, they were met with two dead and one fatally injured. they had no time to say their goodbyes while taking the nearly empty mags of three shotguns.

sounds of the huge glass chandelier falling gave the two triplets time to escape that they desperately needed. once the gunshots outside stopped, matt and chris made their getaway on some guards bike. matt and chris had been shot. grazed thankfully just on their arms and abdomen. thank the gods the other side had a couple bad shots, or the two would be bleeding to their deaths right now.

“how the fuck did they know where we were?! no one other than the people inside knew about this!” screamed chris while speeding on the bike, away from the worst ambush ever seen. matt screamed back. “i don’t fucking know! your dumbass probably told one of the girls you fucked! hang on i’m getting a call!”

“i might be dumb but i’m not a fucking idiot! i can’t fucking believe you would-” “shut up chris i can’t hear anything!” the ambush might’ve had some bad shots, but nicks phone call was a shot through the heart for matt.

nick was screaming on the other line. “your fucking girlfriend works for them! i barely saw them talking to her while i was fucking getting shot at!”

matt’s short boat ride, trip down a stormy memory river, was harshly interrupted by yelling. someone familiar was calling out his name. it didn’t create butterflies everywhere in matt’s body. not anymore. it was replaced by the urge to shoot her dead.

downstairs, y/n was yelling as if these words were the last to escape her mouth. “matt! i know you’re here! please just let me explain!” she cried, hoping it wasn’t too late. but it was. she turned around and found herself face to face with matt. y/n’s teary eyes met matt’s cold, bloodshot ones. the tension in the woody cabin was bone chilling. matt’s right hand was occupied by a pistol, aimed point-blank at y/n.

“matt-”

“just shut up y/n! just fucking shut up!” matt's loud voice boomed throughout the small living room of the two floor cabin. “i can’t fucking believe you would do this to me! i’m gonna fucking kill you!” even after saying all this, matt’s shaking hands and voice betrayed him. he didn’t really want to kill y/n, but she was the reason his entire family almost died this evening.

“matt if you could just please let me explain-”

“fuck you y/n. i’m not gonna give you time to get out of this. i fucking trusted you with my life, even if nick and chris told me not to. i knew something was up but i didn’t care. goddamnit, i fucking loved you. so much. i would’ve done anything for you-” matts tears started running their previous course on his face, yet again.

“please don’t kill me matt. just please hear me out-” y/n was terrified. she wanted to explain but she knew she really fucked up. matt was probably going to be the last one to see her… alive.

matt had had enough. he walked towards y/n and pushed her against a wall. he turned off the safety of his gun and forced it into y/n’s temple, while his left forearm was pushed against her neck, just enough to bruise. y/n didn’t fight back. “y’ wanna explain then fuckin’ explain. and do it quick cause i’m in no fuckin’ mood to ever listen to you… ever again!” with a shaky voice, y/n began her reasoning.

“i was ordered to investigate your family. your now broken relationship with the changrettas put you in a tough spot with the immunity that was granted after your father agreed to testify in that sealed murder hearing. uhm-” y/n was worried she was going to get killed for even mentioning matt’s dear father when matt was quick to push the gun further into her side to her head, all while pushing his forearm deeper into y/n’s neck, choking her. “keep going… y’fucking traitor.”

“matt- please i- can’t… breathe…” matt didn’t realise how strong of a grip he had on her neck and loosened it cause he just had to listen to her. such strong love for someone sadly can’t just vaporise no matter how much they’ve hurt them. for matt whose love was hard to come by, things just made it worse… more intense for him. he was getting contradicted by the entire fucking universe. it was becoming too much for someone even as dangerous as him.

y/n deeply inhaled and continued, trying to look anywhere except at matt’s death stare at her. “my agency sent two people undercover into the changretta family and managed to kil- uhm… eliminate or arrest them. we were going to arrest your father because he- i…” matt let out a dry chuckle, “and you told them the best time to get my dad, was the day nick gets engaged-”

y/n knew this was coming. “it wasn’t personal matt-”

“i’m so fucking done with you y/n. you’re the worst fucking bitch i’ve ever met my entire life…”

“there’s a fucking reason you dick!”

all this did was piss off matt even more. he punched the wall right next to y/n’s head out of pure agony, but she didn’t flinch. not one bit. she’s seen way worse than some pissed off guy. but this was matt, who was still her one epic love, even if it wasn’t reciprocated anymore. she was worried cause he might never trust her ever again, but she still does. that’s why she came to him completely unarmed.

matt was so overwhelmed by everything. he was just so fucking tired at this point. he never thought things would turn out the way they did. so he did the one thing he never thought he would do. he threw his pistol away from them and let go of y/n. her fucked up hair, the gun head shaped dent on her temple, and the bruise on y/n neck, piled feelings of shame on matt’s overbearing load of emotions. the dried up tears on matts face were immediately replaced with fresh ones.

he yet again, slunk down on the brown couch and supported his heavy head with shaky hands. y/n was just as tired. tired of herself. she knew she’d crossed a huge line, even if it was with the purest of intentions. seeing the sight of her everything in tears all because of her, made y/n want to hug him and kiss him and tell him that everything was gonna be okay.

she sat next to matt and continued her explanation because he needed to hear it.

“i did all this to protect your dad, matt. the two people who went undercover with the changrettas caught wind of some plan to kill your dad after his testimony… and i couldn’t let that happen. so instead, we replaced some of your guards with our people, over a few weeks so you wouldn’t get too suspicious. then we moved to make contact today only cause nick had told me, he and mark were planning to go on a vacation right after the engagement. right now your dad, mom, nick and justin are under custody but they’re safe. the immunity is granted and since your father is always privy to important information, the agency is protecting him. i have no idea where chris is. last we saw him was with you. i followed you and i sent two others to find him. and now-”

“why couldn’t you tell me y/n? i could’ve helped you-” asked matt. he was still in two minds but the mind that believed in her, overpowered his now weak reasons to kill her. “no you couldn’t have matt. i could’ve told you… any step of the way and all that would’ve done is overcomplicate things. no one if your family could know… mainly cause we believe there’s a mole in your organisation-”

“there’s no fuckin’ mole. i trust those people with my life-”

“just like you trusted me?”

“i’m sorry y/n but what i saw and how i got to know about you… i don’t know if i can believe in you. i’m just so fuckin’ tired and all i’m thinking is how the fuck am i just supposed to take your word for it…”

y/n let out a quiet sigh. “i dunno. i’m in charge to get you safely to our headquarters. but, i can’t let you outta my sight until i get to know chris’ whereabouts. and… i'm pretty sure y’know where he is. ”

“what if you’re fuckin’ tricking me into telling you where chris is?” after so long, matt actually looked at y/n. she was making a phone call. “give the phone to jimmy. the second triplet needs confirmation they’re all safe. here matt.” y/n said while giving her phone to him.

“dad?! please tell me you’re okay!” matt heard the code his father said. only they knew about this phrase. this proved to matt that it was actually his dad. after a minute long conversation, matt gave the phone back to y/n.

“no ma’am, i don’t know where he is. but i will bring both of them safely to the headquarters… yes even if that’s… the last thing i do. thank you ma’am.” y/n said before cutting the encrypted call.

“what do you mean even if it’s the last thing you do?” even after everything matt definitely did not want y/n to die. he still loved her but the trust would take some time. “it’s nothing…” she said, moments before y/n heard the noise of tires screeching on the dirt road of the forest. she was quick to instruct matt.

“stay behind me.”

he walked towards where matt threw his gun and gave it to her. “how’d you know i didn't have a gun?”

matt genuinely chuckled for the first time since this fucked up day. “y’might’ve fooled me, but i still know how to read people jus’ by looking into their eyes. and i definitely know your eyes, sweetheart…”

just before y/n could retort, the door of the cabin slammed open, to reveal a wildly shocked chris, looking at his beloved brother and the girl who was the reason he was on a wild goose chase for the past hour.

”chris, lemme explain…”

”you fucking psycho-”

author’s note 2: i would rlly appreciate any sort of comments (not straight up hate) so as to improve my writing skills and everyone’s reading experience! :) hope u liked it! also happy new years in advance!!!

[gh0st-t0wn3]

Lmk ss edits + headcanons, Part 6 (Azure Lion, Peng, Yellowtusk)

(I originally made my own design of Azure and Yellowtusk but wasn't quite happy with how they turned out so I scrapped them, the designs for those two I used in these edits were made by @/erraday_ on twt, with a few minor changes, but Peng's design is my own :) )

- He/Him

- Pansexual

- Snores so loud, it's insane, Yellowtusk once thought there was an earthquake

- Feels bad whenever he's steps on a ladybug, butterfly etc

- Gives everyone and everything giant bear hugs because he thinks if Yellowtusk can take it, so can everyone else (They cannot)

- Mei once gave him catnip as a joke and he went fucking feral, he's not allowed near catnip anymore

- His hair/fur is actually very soft and curly

- Thought he saw an old friend while out in public and hugged them, it was a stranger

- Wakes up Yellowtusk in the middle of the night to ask stupid questions

- The Brotherhood asked to hear his roar but he got really nervous last second and it ended up being really meek, they never let him forget it

- Coughed up a hairball once and Peng refuses to let him live it down

- Has eaten cat food before and would do it again

- Cannot do the splits and is too scared to try

- Gets really confused by modern slang, MK and Mei abuse the hell out of it because it's funny

- Whenever he's rough housing with people he accidentally hits a bit too hard

- Whenever he walks past anyone playing a game that involves a ball (football, basketball, netball, etc) he somehow always ends up getting hit in the head with it

- If he wasn't sealed away and got a chance to babysit Redson as a kid he wouldn't know what the fuck to do and would be really awkward cause he doesn't know how to interact with children, he'd be able to bond with Redson better when he becomes a teenager though

- No one gossips with him because he always ends up unintentionally outing someone about something

- Ate moldy food once by accident and freaked out, he was absolutely disgusted

- Hates horror movies but loves slashers

- Drinks mouthwash

- Smells like catnip (trust me guys)

- Love language is words of affirmation

- Has horrible bed head, his mane gets tangled really easily and he tosses around a lot at night so his mane takes hours to brush out

- Absolutely refuses to wear shoes, they hurt his feet (paws?)

- The type of person to cry over a movie about a dog getting lost and then finding its owner at the end

- Can somehow eat an entire goddamn buffet and not gain a single pound

- His face always scrunches up when he smiles

- Lost his balance on a hill and fell down like a tumbleweed once, Peng still brings it up

- They/He (Canon, Peng uses They/Them in the show but is exclusively referred to w/ He/Him in the sets)

- Nonbinary (Canon)

- Starts squaking when he laughs too much

- If you throw a blanket over their head he'll immediately fall asleep

- "look behind you but don't make it obvious" Looks behind him in the most exaggerated, obvious way known to mankind

- Stole food from Wukong's private stash for several months when the Brotherhood was all still together, Wukong still doesn't know

- Wukong gave them cooked chicken once as a joke but he actually liked it

- Constantly argues with Wukong about Macaque not being able to hold his own, yes it got physical

- Their wings have a bunch of scars from the amount of weapons and shit they block with them. Has to consistently clean their wings in order to keep them from getting too damaged, yes this includes softening and preening his feathers

- If they weren't sealed away and got a chance to babysit Redson as a kid they would tape him to the wall like that one meme and call it a day

- Bit off a person's finger once just to see if they could

- Doesn't shop, just steals

- "I hate you so fucking much" as he's handing the person a gift

-  Tried to draw on Wukong's face once but got wacked with his tail

- Absolutely HATES beetroot, will actually gag if he smells it

- Kicks over kids sand castles at the beach

- Can't stand small buzzing sounds

- "I'm not that competitive" is that competitive

- Claims you can trust them with anything but will snitch the second they know it will benefit them

- Probably threatened to eat someone's baby once

- Goes to playgrounds to trip kids

- Smells like Lavender, it just feels right

- Love language is words of affirmation and acts of service

- Has tried sleeping upside down like a bat multiple times

- Hardcore wine aunt vibes

- Had a bunch of ducklings accidently imprinted to him and they followed Peng for hours

- You'd have to pin this bird down to get them to eat collyflower

- Jokingly pushed Azure off a cliff once then remembered they're the only member of the Camel Ridge Trio that can fly

- They have full on concerts at like 3 am, has woken up Azure on multiple occasions

- He/Him

- AroAce

- Is the calmest one in the Brotherhood

- He uses Peng's head as an armrest sometimes

- He and DBK were actually quite close, he knew and accepted that DBK was in love with a celestial but was very surprised to see they ended up having a child

- Very poor eyesight but doesn't like wearing his glasses because Peng made a joke about them once saying he looked like a grandma

- Uses ":3" and ":D"

- Loves soap opera's

- Hates seafood

- Peng once tricked him into eating fish nuggets once and he still hasn't fully forgiven them

- If he wasn't sealed away and got a chance to babysit Redson as a kid he would definitely be the most responsible one, and probably Redson's favourite uncle

- Eats a snack then forgets he ate it and will bet frustrated when he can't find it

- The therapist of the Camel Ridge Trio, and probably of the whole Brotherhood in the past as well

- Was the only one who felt bad about imprisoning the Demon Bull Family since he and DBK were very close

- He also reprimanded Peng for when they pinned and scratched Redson with their claws after they left the Demon Bull Palace (he's the protective uncle, trust me guys)

- Hates getting hiccups, he despises the feeling and it gives him heartburn

- Wakes up at ungodly hours just to raid the fridge

- Heard a story about a bug crawling in someone's ear while they slept and has worn earplugs to bed ever since

- Loves apples

- Smells like Lilies

- Love language is gift giving

- Is really big on safety, would be the type of person to make sure everyone is wearing their seat belts before the car is even turned on

- Actually really good at cooking

- Makes the best chocolate chip pancakes ever

- Is the kind of person who assumes everyone tells eachother everything and accidently exposes someone because he thought everyone else knew about it already

- Always hears things wrong but doesn't wanna ask anyone to repeat themselves

- Has the most elegant ass handwriting you will ever see, somehow

- The peacemaker of the Brotherhood,  they all would've disbanded way sooner if it wasn't for him

- Uses his trunk as a snorkle when swimming or sleeping underwater (elephants actually do this irl, I just thought it was cute)

[youtellmeman]

Random sully family headcanons

Including- lo’ak, neteyam, Jake, neytiri, and kiri

Jake

Definitely dropped all of his kids at least once. Like it’s actually so bad neytiri didn’t let him hold tuk for a minute just cause she wanted to give her a fighting chance and he still managed drop her

“Babe cmon she’s my kid too I just wanna hold her for a bit I promise I won’t-” “No you are a skxawng. You will not drop this one before she’s had a chance to learn to walk.” “But-” “No.”

Despite dropping his children he still manages to be all of their favorites at one point or another. For the boys it was when they turned 7 to age 10 cause he was so willing to throw them around and lift them by their ankles.

This does end up in them all getting in trouble sometimes when they play too rough and one of them gets hurt . “shhh stop don’t cry your fine you don’t need your mom”- him and whichever son isn’t hurt.

For the girls it’s when their toddlers. Jake was definitely always a patient in Kiri’s make believe clinic cause ik that girl was playing doctor

And dear dear tuk gets him where it hurts most. “Daddy let me do your makeup” really it’s just face paint but he will end up looking like a clown. And don’t let tuk catch him trynna wash his face. It’ll be clash of clans up in there.

“Tuk I have to go out I have duties.” “Leave it on” “babygirl daddy can’t-” tears start to well as soon as he tries to fight back. Def attends a meeting or two with his face covered in a blend of colors

Ok ok now not family Jake

Can’t handle spice for shit I’m sorry someone had to say it look at that man he may be blue but he was white first that mf can’t take it

Let neytiri or even you make him something with a lil kick. Keeps clearing his throat and wiping the dribble from his nose like y’all can’t tell he’s literally dying.

Along with the whole food thing I think he definitely knows how to cook. I’m not saying he’s stellar but bro can wip something up when needed

Definitely forgets how big he is sometimes like he spent so much of his life being normal height and part of it being bellow that he will just smack right into thing or get stuck cause he swore he could fit. He cannot

I also feel like he gets still gets phantom pain in his legs like from being paralyzed before moving over to his avatar completely. Like it’s such a big mental hurdle that I doubt it goes away

Last but not least. And this is my personal favorite. Definitely goads his children into shit.

“Well if you’re too scared” “pussy” “I knew you wouldn’t”

Doesn’t work on kiri cause she just walks away from him

The other three tho, fucking horrible will immediately loose all prior hesitation and just go balls to the wall with whatever it is.

Neytiri

My wife 🙏

Okk mom neytiri up first

Fucking soccer mom bro doesn’t give a damn will fight for all of her kids even if they’re wrong

Corrects them in private but in public, will square up don’t play

Also feel like I’m the beginning she was definitely the stricter parent but as things changed she softened up where Jake took over being more rah rah

Will stand by Jake on most things but sometimes he goes too far and trust me he hears about it

Despite Jake having the boys favoritism in the adolescents. Before and after they are big mommas boys.

As toddlers yo they are up her ass constantly to the point where she has to ask her mom if this is normal.

“Sa’nok my sons they stick to me like sap from a tree it cannot be normal.” “They are children it is what they do.” “Mother I cannot relieve myself without one them following.”

When they get over it though. Heartbroken truly distraught. The first time one of the boys decided they’d rather hang out with their father she was betrayed and Jake of course didn’t help.

As teens they’re not as clingy as they once were but they definitely come to her for comfort or just affection. Whether it be random hugs from her or just cheek/forehead kissed from their mother they’re all about it

The girls and her are different I feel like. They’re definitely close especially tuk with how small she is. Her and kiri though I feel as though they connect more through their spirituality

And she def teaches kiri how to bead and sow and make clothing. I think they have little daughter dates where they’ll make an afternoon of just making beads and song cords. Chatting or sitting in a comfortable silence

Moving on cause my girl isn’t just a mom

To rival Jake. Spice monster bros. Tears it up without a second thought. She doesn’t even blink

I feel like it definitely becomes a big thing for a minute like norm grows a Carolina reaper just to see how na’vi taste buds react to what we consider to be real hot and she eats that shit like it’s a cherry

“Ok so this is a Carolina reaper it’s really hot so I’d suggest just taking a small-” *throws that shit back like a shot* “I-” “tiri spit it out.” “Why ma Jake, it tastes good. Could I have another?”

And I feel like it’s just her like the other na’vi def feel the heat on it. She goes around offering her new favorite snack to everyone and leaves a trail of pain in her wake. Offers one to Mo’at, simply gets a shake of the head paired with

“I will not be taken by Eywa today”

Way better cook compared to Jake. Kids will shoot her a painstaking glance as a plea for help if they see him cooking something they know he has no buisness making and she’ll take it upon herself to slip in some spices and correct some of his mistakes when he’s not looking. Saving her husbands dignity and her children’s pallets.

Tears up the dance floor don’t play with her. Feel like Jake introduces the concept of dance battles as a joke and it becomes a thing within the clan but everyone knows not to challenge neytiri cause she with whip ur ass McJagar style

Snorts when she laughs. Real loud too Jake thinks that shit is hilarious until he honks like a seagull one day and they agree to go cut out the laugh jokes for the sake of their marriage

Neteyam

Best big brother every don’t play with it

Takes after his mother in the sense that he is more than willing to kick ass for his siblings

Someone made fun of kiri for not being a “real” part of the family once and they had to call Jake to restrain him (def let him get in a few good ones before pulling him off)

The kind of older brother that steals his baby sister when his mom isn’t looking

Gets to the point that if neytiri or Jake can’t find tuk they’ll just assume she’s with neteyam cause he’ll just snatch her up and she LOVES it

Despite being less of a trouble maker then lo’ak he still definitely does shit he shouldn’t the only difference is he’s better at being sneaky

I think he’s more cautious around humans compared to his brother but he’s definitely really curious too

Ends up getting introduced to some of our music from earth.

Bro is SZA’s number one fan a thousand years later

“I might kill my ex, not the best idea~” singing to himself quietly unaware of his brother and spider giggling in the bushes. “Bravo! Give us more! More I say!” “Oh shove off lo’ak!”

He def got that rnb voice though boutta guve ninat a run for her money

Takes after his mother on the whole spicy food thing. Loves Carolina reapers too, he thinks it’s so funny to eat them and then breath real hard in his brothers direction just to watch his eyes tear up

Despite being able to sing can’t dance for shit, two left feet when it comes to rhythm lord help him truly

Really good at hunting, takes after his mother once again

The only person good enough at stalking that can sneak up on neytiri without her having to pretend she doesn’t hear him coming.

Weapon of choice is a bow although I feel like he has really good aim no matter what, throwing knives, slingshot, even a gun when his dad teaches him. Just a natural

Will say though someone give this boy a hug cause the amount of pressure he is under being the eldest son holy cow bro

Feel like this leads to neteyam having anxiety attacks just at the thought of having to take over the mantle one day.

Always goes to kiri when he has them she’s the only person who can calm him down

Lo’ak

Despite loving his family I think he can feel really isolated from them at times

I think him and kiri bond sometimes just over feeling like the odd ones out.

He compares him self to his dad and older brother so much like it’s just sad plus he’s always in trouble so it doesn’t help much

Even though him and his dad have their problems he strives so hard to make him proud

If he had to pick a favorite sibling it would be tuk, because despite neteyam being all over her and her being a snitch from time to time. Tuk just adores lo’ak

“Tuk you can’t come with me, it’s for big kids only” “I’m big!” “Cmon tuk it’s fine you can hang out with me.” “No! I want ‘ak I don’t wanna go with tem” “….damn bro how’d that feel” “ouch”

It’s almost tragic Fr, but he almost always folds when it comes to her. The only time he says no and stands on it so when he thinks she’ll get hurt or won’t be able to keep up.

Him and kiri besides being sad together also hang out pretty often

I think, like kiri and neytiri , she and him make beads together tho it’s more kiri doing it and him trying and failing

They having matching necklace pendants. He wears his in his hair as a charm cause he feels like that’s where it’s closest to him

While he does hold resentment towards neteyam I don’t think it’s enough to mess up their relationship. They were kids together and I think that means more

So that being said. Huge pranksters but only on their father.

The about of times Jake has had water fall on him out of no where is almost sad. They place decoys so he thinks he outsmarted them and then bam, face full of colored powder.

“Hah, those suckers. What do they think, that I’m stupid or so-” *leaf hits him in the face dousing him with bright orange pigment. Followed by the snorts and chuckles of his sons* “I’m gonna kill those damn kids”

Takes after his daddy, cannot handle spice. Minutely better then Jake but like not really

Neytiri makes this na’vi version of chilli and she has to make a tamer version for him and Jake. Even tuk can take spice better than them

Also really interested in human culture and ends up with his own little music taste

Feel like he’s big on 90’s rnb and hip hop. Destiny’s child, dr.dre, Tupac without question

Definitely spits hard ass bars for fun sometimes.

*Spider beat boxing shitily in the background while lo’ak is laying the ground work for some life changing shit. Mean while Jake is watching from afar with their mother* “that’s my son”

Will dance and he will eat y’all up with that shit. Norm lets him watch just dance videos sometimes when he comes over. Changes the course of his life

Will get jiggy with it everywhere and anywhere. Would kick everyone’s ass in dance dance revolution if they had it

Hunting, he’s alright

Bros nothing super special cause he’s clumsy as fuck and loud therefore everyone and their mother knows he’s coming but he’s not that bad in combat

Sometimes

Feral fighter, will bite and scratch, real dangerous with a knife. I’d definitely say he’s more of a close contact fighter over distance

Kiri

(We need more kiri love out here man)

Jake’s princess I’m sorry

She has that man wrapped around her finger and she KNOWS it

Will literally get in trouble with neytiri over it sometimes

“Dad can I go out foraging?” “No I want you to watch over tuk today.” “Please dad? Can’t lo’ak do it?” Qeue the sad baby eyes “of course baby girl you’re right.” “Tsk ma Jake so foolish”

Loves all her siblings so much tho and if she ever feels left out she knows she can go to them they’ll comfort her and make her feel like one of them again

Def starts shit with lo’ak for no reason, she just thinks it’s funny to make him mad

Will ease off sometimes when she knows their father went off on him recently though

That’s when him and her make neteyam’s life difficult poor boy.

Is neither here nor there on the spice scale. Better than Jake and lo’ak for sure but no where near her older brother and neytiris tolerance. Besides I don’t think she really cares for it anyway

Loves to cook, very bad at it

Truly comical how many times neytiri and even mo’at have tried to teach her. Like she’s given the family food poisoning multiple times

Makes Jake try everything cause she knows he won’t say no

Subject to tuk’s makeup makeover also but is usually a good sport

Music cause I have to now

She’s an indie girl don’t play

Pheobe bridgers, Liana Flores, salvia path

Girl in red (😋🤭)

Cannot sing but is an okay dancer

At least by na’vi standards cause I’m convinced she cannot figure out human dance moves for the life of her

Lover not a fighter

And I mean that literally that girl ain’t throwing or catching hands anytime soon

She’ll bite a bitch quick and in a hurry tho if she really must

Fr Fr tho she’s a healer we know this miss girl is one of the best there is in the class

Taking after her mother and her mothers mother ofc

I do think however that she likes fishing. Not using a bow, stick and string waiting patiently fishing. Always returns her catches to the wild after praying to eywa in apology for stressing out one of her creatures

[absgay]

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ “I still remember the moment we met, the touch that she planted, the garden she left. I guess the rain was just half that effect.” ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

words count: 1.7k

“No need to imagine, cause’ I know it’s true. They say all good girls go to heaven, but bad girls bring heaven to you.”

warnings: 18+ minors dni, angst, grammar, f*buddy!abby, college!abby, sexual tension, some jealousy, idk i’m not good at this, smut.

part one, part two, next part.

Fuck this, fuck them, fuck her. You didn’t want to see Abby Anderson ever again, you didn’t want to talk about her or think about her either. It started with a basic conversation between two young women in the bathroom, comments, intrusive questions, then came the facts and revelations, the ugly truth.

“Idiot— So stupid.” you murmured as you went down the stairs. You needed some time to digest it, some space. Unfortunately, the universe didn’t seem to be on your side today. “Shit.”

“Hey, sweetheart!” Abby shouted as she stood in the hallway. Great timing, great, great, great. The blond’s enthusiasm died as you headed to your room without a word.

You weren’t surprised but frustrated as she followed you. Leave me alone, go away, fuck off. You looked down and sighed, you didn’t feel tough enough to confront her. “I don’t wanna talk to you, Abby.”

“Okay…” She responded with an uncertain tone. You felt small, naive and weak as an intense sadness stabbed your heart. “At least, tell me why or what happened to—” Abby’s gorgeous blue eyes widened as you kicked the door. “Hey— Stop.”

She seemed genuinely worried as you unlocked it, after the second try. She spinned you around by the wrist, asking questions, trying to understand what was going on with you.

“Did something happen or—”

“I don’t know, you tell me.” you managed to say after a few seconds, even though you were overwhelmed by your own emotions as they all fought together. “I feel so dumb, Abby— I thought things were different between us, I thought I was different and—” Don’t cry, don’t cry, not now. “But it’s not, because you fucked Nancy at this stupid party and then came to the library, flirted with me and decided it’d be fun to fuck me as well. You know what— You’re no better than the others, you’re nothing more than an asshole who pretends to be nice and to have morals so she doesn’t have to face any consequences.” Outch.

Abby didn’t say anything at first, shocked and confused. It was a nightmare, it couldn’t be real, you weren’t actually mad at her, right? She swallowed hard, your words and tone held so much disappointment and hatred, it fuckin’ hurt.

“I— I’m gonna be late for practice.” She turned around, ready to leave but at the last minute, decided to take another look at you. “I don't know what she told you, what you heard or whatever but I pulled away as soon as Nancy kissed me.” Abby said. “You’re the reason I went there in the first place. I came and left with only one thing in mind, you.”

You almost called the blond’s name as she walked away, almost. You shouldn’t have said that, any of it. You stood in the hallway and listened as Abby slammed the door hard on her way out, heart heavy and thoughts racing.

“Do you remember how you two first met?” Your roommate asked. She was looking at you from across the room, seated at her desk. “God— You were so angry.” She laughed.

Yes, unfortunately. It started back in autumn. You were in bed, complaining, groaning and turning around endlessly as music blasted from someone else’s room, once again.

“Where are you going? Hey— Trust me, it’s not worth it.” Your roommate had said to you. “They’ll stop eventually.” You didn’t listen and headed to the stranger’s room with determination.

You knocked once, twice, thrice, the music stopped. You looked around the hallway as you waited, ready to argue with whoever lived here. But as the stranger opened the door, you stepped back, captivated by the attractive blond woman standing right in front of you.

“Oh— Hey.” she said. “Can I help you?”

She looked really, really, too good. “Yes.” But, you couldn’t let the woman’s appearance distract you though, attractive or not: she was still annoying. “Shut down the music and let us get some fuckin’ sleep.”

She smiled, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over her chest. “I don’t think we’ve met before.” You sighed at the blond’s flirtatious tone. “I’m Abby.”

“And I’m exhausted.” She huffed, chuckled even as you stood there, frustrated by her reaction. “I’m serious, shut it down.”

Abby leaned towards you with a smirk. “Sure— Anything for you.” Then, she stepped back and shut the door in your face.

Your mouth dropped. “What the—” She had turned the music back on. “Fine.”

From then on, you annoyed each other on a daily basis. On some random monday night, she’d decide to play with your nerves by blasting music until one in the morning. On tuesday, you’d tell everyone she has chlamydia. An immature game you both secretly enjoyed at the time.

One evening, as you were coming back from a friend’s party, you saw a woman leaving Abby’s room, once again.

“Neighbour.” Abby nodded at you. “Nice dress.”

“Dickhead.” She chuckled softly as you stood in front of her, arms crossed and thighs pressed together, the blond’s eyes lingering over your bare legs. “Well— You must be exhausted after your fifth dick appointment of the day.” It sounded bitter, which made you regret it instantly, your stomach twisted in jealousy and embarrassment.

She hummed, amused. “Yeah...” Abby stretched exaggeratedly, then flexed her biceps as you rolled your eyes. “But don’t worry about it, I can ruin my sleep schedule and add a sixth one for you.”

“How thoughtful. I’m gonna have to decline the offer though. You see, I’d rather get some sleep than chlamydia.”

Abby frowned. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Why does everybody keep saying that? I don’t have chla—” You chuckled and looked away. “Oh, I see— You’re truly something else.” Abby said. “Now, there’s better ways to get my attention.”

“Right.” You snorted at the blond’s face. “My mission in life.”

Abby huffed and leaned towards you. “Okay— Listen to me, smart-ass. I’d fuck you so good, you’d see stars.” She hummed, looking down at your parted lips. “Yeah— I’m sure your pretty mouth would feel good on mine. You’d sound so sweet moaning and screaming my name, needy little brat.”

Your heart stopped, time stopped. You couldn’t think straight anymore. It was unexpected, bold and so hot. Flustered, you remained silent in shock as Abby looked at you attentively, trying to decode your features. The blond’s face was so close to yours, yet so far away.

“Admit it— You want me.”

“What, no— You want me.”

“I do.” Abby confessed. “And— I must be an actual masochist, because you’re a pain in the ass, sweetheart.”

You hummed, swallowed hard, your cheeks flushed, knees weak, panties soaked as she stared at you with such nasty, hungry eyes. Fuck, calm down.

To be honest, you didn’t want to deny the sexual tension between you two anymore. It was an unwanted attraction built on curiosity and frustration, heated conversations at midnight, arguments in class, flirty comments at lunch, short glanced at parties, unanswered questions as you both secretly wondered: What if? How would it feel? How would it be? Gentle, rough, passionate? So many possibilities, so many hidden feelings, so much desire.

Unfortunately, as much as you wanted to know, as much as your body ached for hers, you didn’t wanna be one of these women, the one who leaves the blond’s room in the early morning glow and hopes she’ll call them back soon, because she never does.

“I don’t wanna be your sixth dick appointment of the day.” You stepped back.

She sighed. “Well— Technically, it’s past midnight, which means you’d be the first one today.”

You chuckled and shook your head as she smiled. “Goodnight, Anderson.”

“Goodnight.”

You turned around to head back to your own room, emotionally wrecked by the blond’s last few words. Luckily, Abby didn’t want you to leave, wouldn’t let it happen, not so easily, not like that. You yelped as she grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you into a kiss, your eyes widening, your body collapsing against hers.

“Fuck— I’m sorry.” Abby breathed. “I should’ve asked you first. I didn’t mean to— I thought we were— I don’t know.” She sounded so nervous, it surprised you. “Say something.”

Shit. A one-night stand couldn’t hurt, right? You needed to feed your curiosity somehow. “This is a one time thing.” you murmured, the blond dragging you into the dark room instantly as you responded.

Abby moaned softly as you pushed her against the nearest wall, your body overwhelmed by lust, the heat rushing down to your stomach as you kissed the blond passionately for the first time. Abby’s hands moved down to your ass, rough palms and thick fingers disappearing underneath your dress with eagerness.

“Shit—” you breathed in shock, the blond’s hands ripping apart your panties as she groaned against your neck, like an animal. “No, no— These were brand new— I fuckin’ hate you.”

You moaned and pulled at Abby’s braid, eyes closed and head falling backwards as she kissed your shoulder, then bit it. “Oh, Yeah— Do you wanna fight about it?”

“I do.” you whispered back.

Abby sat against the headboard as you lay between her thighs, your back pressed against her bare chest. She moved one hand down to your stomach and smiled as you whined in anticipation, eyes glancing at the blond’s hand approaching your inner thigh. Abby’s fingers moved across your clit teasing it, her mouth dropping as she sensed how wet you were for her.

“Please.” you murmured, frustrated. “Please—”

Abby’s second hand covered your mouth as she touched you, fingering you hard and fast, your moans and whines muffled, your own hands gripping on the woman’s veiny arms.

“Look at me.” Abby murmured with a serious tone. “Oh, fuck— You’re so pretty, so good for me.” You whined at her words, looking up at Abby with bright eyes, your mascara ruined by the sweat and tears. “See— I knew you’d love it."

“Abby— Fuck.” you cried between short breathes as the blond’s hand went from your mouth to your throat. “I’m— I’m—” She added pressure, smirking.

“That’s it, that’s it— Fuck, sweetheart— Come for me.”

Yes. You remember the quiet hallway, the rain, the sunrise as you headed out quietly, the shy glances and smiles you both shared at the door. Abby’s hands catching your waist, the blond’s lips capturing yours as she held you tight one last time, before letting you go.

Yes, you remembered it all too well.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

next part.

[fizzie-frog]

Blitzø: core self, trauma and healing (part two)

This is a continuation of my previous post. Thanks to Tumblr limitations, I had to split it into different parts (trust me, I wish I could've made it just one big post).

PART ONE

This might be long...

He tried to waddle through the trauma of existing as someone as self-loathing as himself.

He denied;

“I didn’t do anything, it was an accident!”

He isolated;

He minimized, often with humour;

“Uh-oh, looks like it sucked all the fun outta you!”

He avoided being vulnerable;

“I DID CARE!”

And felt awkward/uncomfortable when he did end up spilling out his emotions;

“Weeeeeeeell, fuck you!”

Suppressed his emotions;

… Cause they’re blinding and suffocating, and it’s easier to avoid them.

He hated himself and didn’t believe there is anything good about him, despite having changed lives for the better;

And he dipped if he got too close (everything literally burnt down when he tried getting closer, didn’t it);

He often didn’t believe others would hold any endearment for him, even taking it as a joke;

“I destroy everything, everyo— I make everyone’s lives worse!”

And that’s it, really. He believes he’s a pest, a virus, something that can only do harm. While his core self still showed itself from time to time, he was blinded with the trauma of all his wrongdoings. All the people he’s hurt and that, in a self-fulfilling prophecy, made him hurt even more.

Everything he couldn’t look straight in the eye. The death of his mother, caused by him. The hurt of his friend, caused by him. The hurt he’s caused around himself. He couldn’t bear see it, knowing it would break him down. That’s why he avoided it. Thinking about what happened, what he did is suffocating. But that also blinded him from seeing his good deeds too. As usual, we’re more likely to see the negative over the positive.

Blitz picked himself up by the bootstraps as they say, but it didn’t help him, not within himself. So what did help?

I think it started in Oops…

He didn’t wanna be vulnerable, but after so much hurt and things left unsaid, it spilled. It all spilled out and made him into a crying mess right in front of Fizz, cause as much as he tried to act unbothered, he did care (as he said in the episode). He was vulnerable, he explained to Fizz exactly what happened instead of holding it in anymore, he apologized to Fizz. They both learnt what happened.

And the kicker? It paid off! Blitz was finally vulnerable to someone, his former best friend, and Fizz forgave him. He got his dear friend back for this. Not only did he win someone he loves back, but also this came as a punch to those unhealthy beliefs, cause he was vulnerable and it didn’t turn out bad.

We have Ghostfuckers.

After being plagued by his memories, Millie came to his aid. She not only reminded him of a time he actually changed her life for the better, but also confirmed that he indeed cares for Blitz.

Then the moment of truth…

Can’t get anymore raw than the moment when his death was imminent. It’s often in times like this that we people’s raw emotions.

In a moment when even Loona was tearing up at the thought of losing Blitz. When all his friends were already mourning him, crying for him as he was about to lose his life.

And in that moment, when he was sure he was gonna die, he could finally say it…

“I love you, guys”

There was nothing to be lost. He was gonna die and the last thing he knew was that his friends were crying for him, but were safe. He could die happy.

Of course though, he didn’t, as we know. Once he was outside the court room, he was pulled in a sobbing hug by his friends and daughter that were relieved he was okay. Even further proof of being loved. Despite the horrible circumstances, it must be so healing to his heart to have that.

True, unfiltered confirmation of being loved. He is loved. The possibility of someone you love dying shakes you. Loona realized it wasn’t worth pretending anymore - life is so short, especially for low class hellborns.

And probably so did Blitz. He was finally in a happy place. His daughter loved him, his friends loved him. Stolas loved him.

He is loved.

So in the Sinsmas episode, we started seeing so much more of who he once was.

He was goofy,

Attentive,

Listening,

Supportive,

Cheerful,

Encouraging,

Patient,

He looked at potential future,

He was selfless,

Protective,

Kind,

Even romantic.

And he was happy…

That’s not to say he’s completely healed. I think you can never truly heal from something like this, especially the magnitude of what Blitz went through in his life, and his issues can resurface.

But at this point in time, he’s finally in a happy place. He was affirmed, comforted and reassured. He’s content, and that’s the most healed he can be.

His core self is finally seeing the light of day. He is more himself than he’s ever been since that day.

So that was it. I’m sorry if I was a bit messy some places; as mentioned, life is kind of a struggle. Sometimes I feel like my brain is deteriorating or something, lmao, but I wanted to put this together cause I feel like Blitz has such a good, painfully relatable (to me anyway) arc and he’s such a complex character.

My love for Fizz remains the biggest, but I couldn’t deny the love I have for Blitz. He’s just such a good character with such good development. Selfish yet selfless, careful yet careless… So many dimensions.

If you made it this far, thank you! <3

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

oh im gonna be SO annoying about bbh in a minute. i keep saying the same thing over and over again but his character is too fucking complex motherfucker is like:

"i'm a demon who is 11,000 years old and i refuse to acknowledge that im a demon nor that i do bad things (like steal furniture) but i will help people every chance i get despite saying im going to stop doing that and i am going to devote my life to protecting these fragile little eggs even though i know im going to lose them one day because i love them too much (and i know i can do that and it will one day be okay, because i have an immortal diamond to keep me company even if he isn't here now). when my friend throws himself beneath the spokewheel of the federation i will be there, bitter about my loss, but i will not start a revolution until he proves he deserves one. i will do what i can to safeguard his system against corruption because i am afraid the federation will use him to hurt us. i know he doesn't want to hurt us. he keeps hurting me. he is isolated by our distrust in him and he is still working hard to try to be a good person in an inherently corrupt system that cannot be fixed so i will build him a statue. i will not kill him when he takes a picture of me in the presidential chair (that was almost mine) and puts it on his wall and calls me 'employee of the month.' i didn't do all of that work for the federation i did it for him like i do it for others because they are my friends. i will exhaust every option i have to build a reason to NOT start a revolution. to not kill him. because i have to say that i tried. i feel like i have made so many compromises. i have held myself back to try to find reason. i will still remove his access to my base. when the island turns against me and he locks me in a cage for a crime i did not commit, i will remove everyone's access (except for my family the french and my family the eggs). i am having fun. when the eggs appear the next day with cracks and dirty shells i will worry, but i know they're strong. they'll be okay. (when i find my son's secret lab and his unethical experiments that cause him harm i will be proud because he has done what i do. he has helped. i want him to be safe but we are never safe and i trust him more than anyone else. i know now, and i can help him be safe.) when the eggs go missing i will be silent. i will look for them, and i will destroy for them, and i will bargain for them, and i will cry for them, and i will not accept their loss. when my friend who is president who once built a safehouse that saved my eggs' lives is finally damaged by the federation (like i knew he would be when he became president) and he starts to hurt people by pushing the same treatment onto them i will not be surprised. i will be surprised when he tries to marry me. i will not blame him (much) when he tries to kill me. our children are missing. he is forced to pretend that his is not. i wish i could too. i will not tell him yes or no because i need an open avenue to manipulate him (because to save him i will have to manipulate him). i will not marry him because he is out of his mind. i have said marriage is overrated. i have also said that i want to live with him in a house with our kids and my skeppy. when he tells me that he wants to be happy with me i will still say 'aw' because it is the most genuine thing he has said to me and i miss my friend. i will still try to kill him. i fail to kill him with someone else's plan. i don't place a block to lock him in place. i hesitate. it doesn't matter if it's on purpose because the next plan works. i will reveal an item that could destroy me to my closest allies (and tubbo) because it will let us save him. we save him. when he kills himself 18 times over i back away from the explosion in surprise and then step close again. while i have grieved i have thrown myself into mines. it doesn't matter. i am numb and want to feel something. everything has lost colour. we save him.

i visit federation workers and ask them about my eggs and they do not tell me anything. i know they are lying. i visit the graveyard to talk to my lost eggs. i have lost all of the eggs. i do not know how to save them. i lay in the mud. it rains and rain signifies the monster has returned to kill my children but my children are not here and so i do not care. when i go home i will become so angry and i will go down to my basement (which i have locked like my friend locked the entrance to his greatest fantasy. we are so alike and our delusions are different. he child was real; here is the secret to finding my children) where i have locked a federation worker away. i will not wash away the blood stains.

i am also part-time grim reaper and i only ever dress up in robes to make people drink more water."

[elliespassagerprincess]

ultraviolence by Lana del Rey with toxic/mean/abusive!ellie who hurts reader x painslut reader who kinda loves it

Ultraviolence - (ellie williams x reader)

hi anon! I'm sorry this took so long, its been a while since I've written something like this, so it took me a while to get into that mindset. I hope you enjoy<3

This story is based off the song, Ultraviolence by the queen Lana Del Ray, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are always open, feel free to leave one:)

Warnings: toxic relationships, manipulation, cheating, reader is toxic

Summary: In which she became the person, you've always wanted

Authors note: wheeeew its been a while since I've written a fic that wasn't hcs, but I'm glad to be back!

He used to call me DN

That stood for deadly nightshade

'Cause I was filled with poison

But blessed with beauty and rage

Jim told me that

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

Jim brought me back

Reminded me of when we were kids

there was always something about Ellie.

You weren't sure if it was her dorky personality, or how she would apologize to table if she accidentally walked into it.

There was something about this girl.

And ever since you were a little girl, you knew you knw she was special. You felt like she was holding back. There was another side, you wanted to see.

You were both 7. You remembered watching Ellie, better known as four eyes because she wore massive glasses, sit alone once again. You remembered walking up to her, and asking her to play tag with you.

You still remembered the smile that spread across her face, because finally someone wanted to play with her. And since then Ellie has just always been there.

The two of you became friends. You aren't sure how, but she was always there.

You were Ellie's everything, because you were there for her during her loneliest years.

You knew how much you meant to her. You knew how much she loved you, and you took advantage of that.

Ellie's innocence and purity was something that intrigued you. You truly thought she was odd. No matter how old the two of you were, you always saw her as four eyes.

Nothing more than that. There was no romantic feelings from your side.

Ellie was everything you weren't.

She was sweet, kind, loveable.

But you were sick. A sick twisted individual who took advantage, of someone like Ellie.

But who could blame you?

Ellie was attractive, strong, financially stable, and well you were someone who saw the opportunity.

So it was actually Ellies fault.

She should've not trusted you so easily. She should've not let you in. Ellie brought this upon herself.

With his ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

Ultraviolence

I can hear sirens, sirens

He hit me and it felt like a kiss

I can hear violins, violins

Give me all of that ultraviolence

you didn't know when it all started.

You weren't sure when you developed this "kink".

Was this a disease? Or were you just fucking weird?

In 11th grade you remember your teaching yelling at you for failing a another test. You were called "pathetic", a "failure".

Most people would cry due to humiliation, but you couldn't help but feel your thighs clench together.

You thought you were weird. This was fucking sick honestly.

You went out of your way to make people mad, so that they would yell at you. To degrade you to an extent.

god you loved it.

Ellie had asked you to be her girlfriend when the two of you were 18. You took pity on her.

She was so soft. So naïve.

Ellie had no place being with someone like you. Someone who craves to be hurt. You were a painslut and Ellie, poor Ellie wasn't. She wouldn't be able to do that to you.

You were trapped in a relationship, where it was healthy. It felt safe. You enjoyed it sometimes, but there was one thing your heart craved. And maybe the thing Ellie was holding back was it.

You wanted to leave Ellie, until that one night.

The two of you were at a party, and Ellie was drunk out of her mind. You don't even know what she saw, or who said what but she was really fucking mad.

"You're fucking cheating on me bitch" Ellie slurred as she pointed her finger at you. You licked your lips at the insult, at the aggression, she spoke.

Focus.

"Ellie you're drunk, i didn't do anything"

"give me your phone"

"Ellie-"

"I'm not asking again" she yelled.

Fuck yes. This is what you want.

You handed her the phone, and you watched as she searched and she found nothing. She threw your phone across the room, you flinched slightly.

god she's so hot.

Ellie got up and grabbed your arm, bringing you close to her face, you smelt the alcohol in her breath.

She looked at you with dark eyes, before uttering "Don't ever think of cheating on me" she let go of your arm.

She grabbed you and it felt like a kiss.

When Ellie woke up the next morning, she couldn't remember a thing.

She was back to being herself. You wanted her back. You needed her again.

You realized, she was drunk. You couldn't keep her under the influence forever, just because you liked that version of her.

After that night you knew she was hiding a part of herself from you.

Drunk words are sober thoughts they say.

So maybe deep down she was actually toxic. Maybe she was the person you craved.

All you had to do was to figure out, how to get through to her.

He used to call me poison

Like I was poison ivy

I could've died right then

'Cause he was right beside me

Jim raised me up

He hurt me but it felt like true love

Jim taught me that

Loving him was never enough

you were like poison.

Destroying anything in your path. Infecting those with your poison.

After that night you realized Ellie's biggest insecurity was that you would leave her. And you used it to your advantage.

Of course you had to, how else would've you got what you wanted?

You would flirt with other people in front of her. You would talk to other girls, send them pictures. You did whatever it took. You were practically cheating on her.

You knew she would never leave you.

And you watched as Ellie slowly disintegrate into madness.

There was no more happy, go lucky Ellie. There was no more smiles. No more care free days.

Ellie lived in fear. You were out of her league. She knew she was going to lose you.

If you were by her side and Ellie could die peacefully. You taught her how to love and how to be a better person.

If you left what would become of her?

Everything went down hill. Ellie started taking your phone. She became more aggressive with her words.

The lovely girl you once knew was gone. You killed the old her. And the person she was becoming was someone you've always dreamed of.

You had a curfew, and when you came home late it would end in her insulting you.

"Who else are you fucking huh? You're practically showing the world your whole body"

you lived a life of fights, make up sex, and jealousy.

You loved every fucking second of it.

She was hurting you and it felt like true love.

I love you the first time

I love you the last time

Yo soy la princesa, comprende mis white lines

'Cause I'm your jazz singer

And you're my cult leader

I love you forever

I love you forever

Ellie loved you, and you loved her.

You love her today, tomorrow and for the rest of your lives.

Ellie became the women you would choose in every lifetime.

Ellie was your leader. The person you would finally follow.

You love Ellie. You'd love her for eternity.

It was truly a sickining thing, you were doing to the poor girl, but God you were selfish. You wanted it all. All the insults, pain, negativity. You craved it.

For the sake of this relationship, you hoped Ellie stayed as toxic as she did.

[dizscreams]

The Request: “i was thinking this time, maybe a couple? like.. angst fluff with reader x Mindy in one and reader x Ethan in the other. The Ethan could be when he would come to the scene when Anika died and he would see the reader, his girlfriend, seriously hurt and be furious with his father and sister Quinn and it would be angst of him being upset and her trying to calm him and ask to go and just cuddle fluffff.” @violetmacher

Tysm for the requests! I’ll do the Ethan one first, then I’ll get started on the Mindy one later! :)

Two people who need not say goodbye — Ethan Landry ★

PAIRING: Ethan x gn!reader

SUMMARY: You get hurt at Sam’s apartment and Ethans worried what his dad and sister might do to you.

WARNINGS: mentions of being stabbed

You were sitting in the back of an ambulance outside Sam’s apartment where the crime scene was. Chad, Tara, Sam, Mindy, Quinn, Anika, and yourself were all attacked in the apartment last night by Ghostface. Tara was leaning on your shoulder while you were holding your bandaged arm protectively as if something else would happen if you let your guard down even a little bit.

You got stabbed in your arm and your stomach, Anika and Quinn both died, and Mindy got hurt too. The only one who wasn’t there with you guys was your boyfriend, Ethan Landry. He said he had a class to take and you couldn’t help but think the timing was weird. But it’s Ethan you don’t think he could hurt a fly.

Cutting off your thoughts you hear Chad yelling at someone, taking a peak you see Ethan pinned against the news van. You turn to Tara telling her you’ll be right back responding with a nod of her head you walk away and towards the scene.

You grab Chads arm and question him “Hey, what’s going on?”

“Your boyfriend is suspicious. Right when a Ghostface attack happens to us he disappears!”

“I had econ I swear! You can ask anybody there!”

“Fuck dude” Chad muttered with a doubtful look on his face before walking away towards Mindy.

Ethan turns to you and looks at your wounds. His face immediately turns to a concerned and shocked one and he thinks his heart dropped to his feet. “Oh my god- wh.. what happened? Are you okay?” You shake your head and point to the body bags that were towards the trashcans. “Anika- Anika and Quinn died” you start to cry and he looked at you with pity and remorse. “I’m so sorry Y/N” he whispers so gently that you immediately hug him burying your head in his chest.

“It’s not your fault, eth.” Your little sniffles breaking his heart.

“You got hurt didn’t you? Is it bad? Will you be alright?” He asks all these questions cause his mind is going a million miles a minute. He knew who did it, it was his dad and his sister. He suddenly had a dark look in his eyes. How could they? He begged them not to touch you. They weren’t allowed to go anywhere near you.

He felt so much guilt and pain and anger. He wouldn’t allow anything else to happen to you. Even if he had to quit being apart of the plan, he’d do it if it means you’d be safe. He knew how much you trusted him, he was betraying you and he knew it. He could imagine the look on your face when/if you found out he was apart of the killings. He knew it would be revealed eventually but he didn’t want that to happen.

You noticed Ethan was just standing there holding you and not saying anything. He was thinking about something, he seemed upset, he also seemed mad.

“Eth? Are you alright?”

“What? Yeah yeah I’m okay. Don’t worry about me I’m more concerned about you” he said looking down at you.

You slightly nodded then asked him “Can we go back to your dorm? I just need a break from everything for a minute”

“Yeah of course” he gave you a comforting smile while you grabbed his hand and walked to his dorm.

You guys got there and sat on the couch to watch a movie. You were snuggled up on his side and his leg was going up and down with anxiety. You could tell something was wrong but didn’t want to push anything. He seemed so distracted.

Ethan pulled out his phone and started texting Quinn and his dad like crazy. He was so pissed they’d do that to you. His hands were slightly shaking while he was texting, a detail you would only really catch on to if you were paying attention.

You were getting more worried about him at this point so you touched his arm and he jumped back a bit.

“Ethan, can you please tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing I’m okay” he gave you a fake smile and you returned it with a very unconvinced look.

“Ethan. I know something’s wrong you’ve been distracted this whole time.” His phone dinged again and again signifying his phone was blowing up. He groaned and put his phone on silent mode.

He slightly bit his lip before he looked up at you, he had barely looked at you this whole time. You had a genuinely worried look on your face. He knew you cared about him and he cared about you too. That’s why this whole thing hurt him so much.

“I’m just- I’m scared.” he started saying and your expression changed to a slightly confused one.

“Cause of Ghostface?”

“Yeah, well I mean that’s part of it but I’m more scared for you.”

“For me?”

“I just want to protect you. I don’t want anything worse to happen I don’t want you hurt again or- killed. You’re such a significant part of my life, do you know that?” He didn’t want to but he was starting to tear up so he looked away from you embarrassed.

“Ethan.. it’s okay. I am okay, I promise! I love how much you care about me and how much you love me. I don’t know what I’d do if we weren’t together anymore, but I know it won’t happen. You wont lose me.” You sounded so confident but he was not so convinced. He knew how his dad and sister were.

He looked at you with a sad smile and tried his best to have hope. You knew he didn’t believe you so you gently leaned in closer to him and he put his arm around you cautiously so he wouldn’t hurt you but also protectively. You loved that about him, how he was so warm and caring but at the same time he’d do anything to make sure you’re safe and secure.

“I don’t ever want to let you go”

“So don’t” you told him with a soft smile.

He kissed your head and you both leaned back on the couch, with a comforting silence gracing over you both. He wanted this to last forever. He never wanted you guys to be apart no matter what his family thought or said. He loved you and he was going to make sure you lived through all of this.

this could be much better (I don’t know why I tend to write late at night it’d probably be better if I wrote during the day?!) BUT ANYWAYS hope you enjoyed and ty all for 100 followers <3

[elsaellaelys]

We can beat any shit together

summary: JJ finds scars on Y/N's thight and they don't look like an acidente.

pairing: JJ Maybank x fem!depressed reader

WARNINGS: Depression, anxiety, mensions of SH, kinda angst, but comforting.

800 words

a/n: I had to write about this. If you're going through something like that, look for help, someone you can trust, if you don't anybody call 211 or feel free to send a message. I wish somebody had told me this so I'll tell you. You are not alone.

--★--

JJ knows Y/N for as long as he can remember himself. Sweet John B's neighboor, living just down the road, joing all the times Big John took them to go fishing. He really liked her, the way she never judge him, always so kind and gentle, than he decided to take the self obligation to protect she no matter what - she looked like such a cute china doll and he wouldn't let she break. The pogues made fun of his behavior. Gotta pick her up from work! Gotta drop her at work! Save this for Y/N! No pickles, Y/N doesn't like it. He had to repay all the love she gave him, the love she made he feel. She barely realised it though, walking around with JJ just in front clearing her way, making sure there was no thorns.

That's why the discovery stabbed him right in the chest.

They were all on the beach, had just left the water to lay in the sand. Y/N stretched out, not really caring about putting a towel under, dead tired from the surfing. JJ watched she lay like a star, he couldn't help but stare at her, of course he had seem her in a bikini thousands of times, lately it's being different, hips wider, waist defined, boobs hanging in her top and thights... looking like they're melting?

"What's this?" He lean over, running his finger over the strange blur, skin color staying in his fingertip. She recoiled from his touch trying to hide the marks that appeared, eyes starting to water.

"Y/N?!"

She squirmed, hating to have the attention of the entire group now.

"It's just a little bit of foundation" she replies.

"Why you're putting makeup on your thights?" Kiara asks, face looking scared of the answer. Y/N wiped her leg, deep dark scars full on display.

JJ fliched, they were so deep, almost screaming sadness and pain. A nott formed on his throat just thinking about how much it must have hurt, how grotesque it looked. He looked back to her face, not finding the strength she must have to do something so... I mean she wasn't just cutting, that was mutilating.

"Fuck" She cried, she ruined the moment, it was a nice day, it felt okay, especially after she putted the right green concealer, the scars almost fading under it. The thought of the washing water faded from her mind.

"Tell me it was an acident, please."

"Does it look like one?" Y/N replied.

She wished they had caved the enourmous hole JJ suggest cause now she could bury herself on it. Pope's face looked full of pity like Kiara, John B. was confused - she made it herself? - but JJ, he was hurted, and she lightly pinched her arm for causing it.

"I'm sorry. I wanna go home." the girl said, grabbing her stuff, heading to the Twinkie. JJ followed her, trying to take her bag to care it.

"Wait." he begged, not really reaching her steps.

"No! JJ! Stop! Leave me, I just wanna go home"

"Give me the bag. Let me help you"

"You can't help me!"

It was not about the bag. She stopped, she fell, holding her knees close to her chest, crying the heart out. Lucky no one was around. JJ lowered next, stroking her hair.

"It's okay" he whispered.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" she repeated over and over.

"Hey, no, don't be. I am the one who should be sorry. Look at me." his hands reached her face to pull it up seeing her wet lashes. "Sorry I didn't realized before" he begged again, because the memories just hitted him. The way she was always complainnig about the fights her parents were having, but still refused to leave the house, how she was tired all the time, even though she just woke up. Too many alcohol, to many cigarettes, less hangouts, less calls, less partys, much thoughts, much silence.

He fastly wiped the tears down his face holping she didn't noticed, just hugged she tightly.

The pogues approxed and they were hugging she too, whispering sweet nothings. Sweet everythings.

John B. was the first to get up holding his hand out for her.

"Let's go home." he says. They all know where is home.

In the ride JJ made sure he held she close, hand on her pulse, time in time putting his nose between her hair, just to know she's there, safe, with him.

"Can I ask you..." he carefully began "Where is the thing... you used?"

"In my bag, the little left pocket."

JJ almost cried again, for knowing that she cared it around, like a thing she needed close. He found it, trew it out tge window.

"You're going to be fine." he reasured "I'm right here. We can beat any shit together."

[ech0schamber]

Hey hey hey could you write the s/o in coma scenario but with akutagawa?

sure thing!

☆you had been working on a mission that mori has sent you on. little did you know, mori knew you were going to get hurt, he doesn't exactly care if an underling get hurts

☆you were sent alone, of course, and it ended with you getting too close to an explosion (as that seems to be a reoccurring theme in bsd)

☆you got lucky as the area you were in wasn't too far from emergency services and they immediately jumped into action, so you got to the hospital before you could bleed to death

☆i would like to think that this mf never answers his phone if he doesn't recognize the number, so it was either gin, chuuya, or the bastard of a boss that told him the news

☆he managed to keep his composure in front of them?? expect if it was gin that told him, then his panic attack would be very obvious

☆he wanted to rush to the hospital, but oh look at that. he's a public criminal... he can't go anywhere near the hospital

☆so he asked gin to go in his place, of course he would only trust his little sister with that. she gets the information she needs from the doctors, but she doesn't visit you for too long. surprise surprise, she cared about you too. like a lot, so it hurt to not only see her brother in such a state of panic, but it hurt to see just how injured you got

☆that's how it went every single day. akutagawa would ask gin to go pay you a visit, hoping that you would be awake

☆during this time, he started taking care of himself less. typically that wouldn't mean much, but you had actually convinced him to start taking care of himself more. now that you weren't around to make sure he was doing that, he fell back into his old habits of just not taking care of himself

☆gin and chuuya tried their hardest to make sure that he was at least eating 2 meals a day. gin would quite literally drag her brother and basically throw him in the shower once a week

☆this poor baby had finally found a reason to take care of himself, to start seeing the good in some people, to stop putting himself in as dangerous situations as before, and now it's been ripped away from him

☆hell, dazai probably even noticed that akutagawa wasn't fighting atsushi for his approval as much

☆and queue a lot of peoples confusion when he suddenly started attacking atsushi again dont let atsushi find out why, he may accidentally use it against him during an agrument

☆it was gin who got the call that you had finally woken up after being in a coma for a year. of course, aku still couldn't visit you, so she went in the check on you... basically see if you can handle if aku decides to break into the fucking hospital to see you

☆thankfully he doesn't. but he really wants to, but he knows that you wouldn't be too pleased with him if he did that, so he exploded something to get that urge away.

☆he is probably going to get more violent in this time, he has no way of contacting you (cause they don't allow phones in the hospital) and has to depend on someone else to know if you stay awake

☆and finally, after (insert set amount time here, i have no idea how long hospitals keep you after you wake up from a coma) you were finally released. while you were mainly stuck to a wheelchair because your muscles are too weak to carry your weight, you made sure that you could at least stand with only one crutch so you would hug your boy

☆you and gin decided to make it a surprise for aku. and man, did it work. if it wasn't for the fact that you were leaning on one crutch, and the wheelchair behind you, he would have thrown himself at you

☆instead, he 'calmly' walks over to you, lays his head on your shoulder, and just starts crying. gin was nice enough to give you two some privacy, please hold this boy to the best of your abilities. he has missed you so much

☆now, if he's under the impression that you went willingly, expect him to lecture you. he listens to you though, so simply tell him that mori made you go and gave you no warnings

☆it's not like you have to worry about the people that attacked you though, they died in an... accident about two days after you were sent to the hospital :]

☆surprisingly, he is willing to help you with physical therapy! but you are going to have to explain why you are having to do each exercise. it's not that he doesn't trust the doctors, instead he is curious about how these will help you. it's a learning process for the both of you, how cute!

☆possessive. anyone even looks at you wrong now and he threatens to kill them. he will go against moris orders if it means that you are no longer going on any mission he deems dangerous.

☆i feel like he'd also freak out anytime you got hurt. if it was a small papercut, he wouldn't freak out, but you fell because you're leg gave out on you??? roshomon is now carrying you for the rest of the day.

----

i can't think of anything else :] maybe i need to rewatch the show to get a better grasp of some of the characters... oh well

[boundbyeclipse]

📬

alright, since i’m so open with you all on this app, i think it’s best if i talk about my struggles and let myself be heard. considering my previous post about my roommate/friend, this one will be exactly about our journey that began a few years back. i’ll warn you, this post is very open and honest, and also quite long. if you are willing to read everything - thank you for your time. now let me start.

so, four years ago, 2019, at the end of summer, we both moved in together to another city, away from our parents and out of our hometown. we have always joked about living together, but didn’t think it would come true. well, it did. i guess it was just meant to happen. everything was good for the first two years, we spent so much time together, even worked at the same place, until she met this guy. well, it was a messy situationship but i won’t get into details about it out of respect. the important part is, when she started dating him, there no longer was any proper girl time. whenever we decided to watch a movie, or do something together, it would just always end up with her dashing through the door just to see that guy. or he would come over and the “party” would be over in a second. it always happened like that. and what hurt me the most, (i remember this like it happened yesterday) was one time, we were drinking wine, and dancing, just having fun. and me being an emotional person, (ofc the alcohol affected me even more) i began to cry so hard because i felt lonely (relationship wise). she patted my back, told me that i will find someone one day. but then, suddenly she gets a text from him and rushes to get ready to go to his place. so she leaves. i’m all alone. i’m crying sitting on the FLOOR. and it’s all because she was so naive and needed sex. i understand, first boyfriend, falling head over heels and all that stuff causes you to be naive, but it shouldn’t cross the line to the point where you totally ignore your best fucking friend who needs a person by their side. i felt so abandoned, so sick to my stomach, because the ONLY person i relied on and trusted so much did that to me. and even if i managed to kind of cool down and lowkey forgive her for that (i never actually talked to her about that night), i still remember it. i don’t think that’s what best friends do.

next, some time after that, i fell into a bad place again, i left that job, wanted to find a new one, and it took me a bit of time to achieve that. but during the time while i wasn’t working, my mom offered me to move out and go back to my hometown. i said no, because i didn’t want to go, i liked it here and i liked the fact that i had my private space and could explore a city that i wasn’t familiar with before coming here. she begged me to stay here because she would not have known what to do with the rent. and since we pay it in half, she would have to pay the full rent until a new person was found if i left. so i stayed for me and for HER.

two more years passed by, and i’m in a very similar situation right now. i haven’t gotten any luck with finding a new job. it’s a struggle. and what does she do this time? she tells me “this is the last month you’re living here if you can’t get a job”. and it’s not on me if nobody is interested in calling me for an interview, right? 11 applications, but 0 calls. am i at fault here? no. so now she basically threatens me with kicking me out?? no problem, i’m packing my bags day by day, because this is not what i want anymore. yes, starting life in a different location was always exciting, but i’ve gotten sick of it. i miss my family. i miss my home. and it doesn’t matter if i have gotten used to this city, this apartment, this lifestyle, i just feel like i don’t belong here anymore. my gut is telling me “go, you’ll be better off back HOME” and i cannot keep ignoring it.

i also just had her talk about me in the kitchen like i’m not home or can’t hear her. and what i hate the most is that she never talks to me about any issue eye to eye. it’s always behind my back or through the texts. if you are that unsatisfied with how things are going for me and how my mental health is, talk to me in person. no friend goes around and talks about their friend who’s so close to them behind their back. this is completely unacceptable and disrespectful.

so, i have been gathering my things and i am getting ready to move out. it’s time. and yes, i will have to start everything from zero, but if that’s what i feel like is best to do, i’m going to do it.

if you made it this far - thank you for your time. i just wanted to pour my emotions out and tell my beloved mutuals what i’ve been going through. thank you everyone 🤍