#star wars needs more lesbians and im doing my part

[gayjedicoded]

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Star Wars: The Bad Batch (Cartoon) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Emerie Karr/Asajj Ventress Characters: Emerie Karr, Asajj Ventress, Royce Hemlock Additional Tags: Implied/Referenced Abuse, Canon-Typical Violence, Star Wars: Dark Disciple Spoilers, Project Necromancer, Opposites Attract, Crack Treated Seriously, no beta this was written through lesbian force of will alone, Will update tags as we go Summary:

Emerie Karr’s life was simple. Asajj Ventress’s life was over.

When Project Necromancer acquires a mysterious new asset, these previously concrete facts intertwine and change forever.

I blacked out and when I came to I had two chapters of a romance between two characters who only have a slight chance of ever interacting in canon. I’m calling it ventremerie

[siqeml]

hear me out chat (hsr elio theory)

I would like everyone to hear me out on my wonderful, totally accurate and not based in crack, copium or any other drug theory. (You will need basic knowledge on what the Honkai is and Welt’s background (though I explain a bit))

It sounds stupid on the surface, but entertain me for a moment. 

We are aware that in Honkai Star Rail there are many parallel characters to Honkai 3rd’s- as it is a parallel universe. So it began with a question- where is Welt’s parallel? Not only Welt Yang, but what about Welt Joyce? (If you don’t know who this is please look it up I’m lazy but basically Mr Yang took his name and identity and may or may not be a little obsessed. You will need to know about him for this to make sense.)

We know very little about Elio, aside from the fact he’s the “scriptwriter”, known as “destiny’s slave” and may or may not be a cat or at least use it as some proxy. There’s other theories, like he’s the aeon of finality and so on, but I’m not including those here.

The most basic connection I can possibly make is that Elio is possibly a name originating from Alias, otherwise could be spelt as Elias. Alias being an alternate name- which makes sense. The original basis of this theory came from me asking where alternate Welt is, and stupidly making a connection between this fact about the name and Welt’s father, whose name was Elias, went by several names, and was government spy (its complicated).

It’s entirely possible to turn this the other direction and say Elio is Elias’ parallel instead, but there’s more. 

I note that Welt Yang’s entire story is about being a slave to his name. He inherited Welt Joyce’s name, his power, his will, and he says himself that he died that day to become Welt (It’s in a manga panel somewhere maybe I’ll attach it later). Even after the war is over, he’s in a new goddamn dimension- he’s not fighting the Honkai anymore, he can start anew as himself again (still fighting, but not Welt anymore)- but he doesn’t. He could’ve given his name to Himeko, but instead he chose to continue being Welt.

(Kind of related but I’m not sure what it adds to the theory but in all the fake out endings where it’s presumably written by Elio, Welt’s real name gets doxxed in full)

“Destiny’s Slave” is such a vague (and menacing) title- is Elio a slave to his ability to seemingly predict the future? Is he a slave to something else- like a will passed down or imposed upon him?

(Additional notes include Elio being a “scriptwriter”. We know Welt Yang is an animator, writer and artist- it wouldn’t be too far a stretch to make a connection here right im not coping)

There are obvious parallels between Stellarons and the Honkai as well. And of course, Elio is a part of the Stellaron Hunters, collecting Stellarons and guiding the organization with his predictions. Welt was the leader of Anti-Entropy in his universe, an organization dedicated to stopping (fighting back and hopefully containing) the Honkai- all of which coming about because this was what Joyce wanted. And Welt would lead not just as a powerhouse as a Herrscher, but also in planning and guiding his group in winning fights that cannot be won with brute force.

While the parallels between Honkai 3 and Star Rail’s character’s aren’t identical, I note that many relationships seem to be the same, (Bronya and Seele are lesbians, Cocolia is a bitch towards Bronya, Raiden misses Kiana) and personalities are similar (though changed by the circumstances they live in).

(Bronya is Welt’s (kinda basically) adoptive daughter, and Silver Wolf is part of the Stellaron Hunters and the one who often recieves Elio's scripts..)

Elias and Welt Joyce die in Honkai 3. Upon his death, Joyce gives Welt his name and his powers.

Consider in this parallel, whatever Joyce is in this universe (if he exists at all), when he dies (or other incident), he gives Welt that power of foresight instead of the Core of Reason (as herrschers do not exist). And maybe, Welt would use his father’s name as his alias- because he’s a sucker for carrying names and wills. 

He wishes to stop the Stellarons- the will passed down to him from Joyce that he now feels obliged to dedicate his life to stopping it in any way he can, done so through his newfound power to write the future in the form of his beloved animation storyboards and scripts.

(Complete stretch but Elio sends Silver Wolf the scripts and she’s a parallel of Bronya who is Welt’s adoptive daughter in 3rd)

This will probably not be canon but let me hopeium (Also where is parallel Welt though, he’s either an NPC or a major character there’s no inbetween)

[nny11writes]

Nunny! I'm sending you asks for your game.

I'm tempted to send you the entire post and just see the Nunny Rant. You might not even do She-ra. I'm thinking of She-ra sending these but go off about star wars or something else if you think it applies better to the question :D

the character everyone gets wrong (ahahhahahaaaaaaaaa)

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about (im sure there is a long list)

9 and 10 - Worst part of fanon and worst part of canon (imo there is some overlap)

13. worst blorboficiation

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

lakhglkajfas, I think my rant would mostly just be keyboard smashes and crying emojis so this is the better way to go lol!

the character everyone gets wrong God, like, fucking- ALL of them. :) Buuuuuut the one that's bugging me the most recently is Mermista.

I am SO sick of post canon Mermista in c/a fics specifically. Mermista would not hold a grudge that hard that long and that violently!!! Stop having her hate Catra and actively be out to do harm to her. Mermista's response to losing her kingdom was like a bad breakup where she just cried in a tub eating ice cream. Her response to seeing HORDAK at the end of the series was just a, "So are we good with him now?" implying that she's chill to be chill.

Mermista and Catra 100% would sit at a table calling one another a bitch (begrudgingly fond and pretend to not be) back and forth. Mermista would not be out to skin Catra alive! Mermista wants to talk to Catra about her murder novels because Perfuma reads too slowly and doesn't like spoilers but she NEEDS to talk to someone about the butler who has a brain cell because Sea Hawk seemed to miss the whole first half of the book AND FURTHER MORE-

9. and 10. - Worst part of fanon and worst part of canon

Worst part of fanon is the fucking shippers. This went from one of the more open and accepting fandoms for all ships that I'd ever been in to one of the worst.

Like, straight up, one of the fics that lives rent free in my head is an explicit fic where Catra and Hordak enthusiastically consent to having sex. Like Hordak is trying to be kinda standoffish but can't stop looking at boob window tits, he was Entrapta trained I'm afraid. The number of times I think of his awkward proposing they do it more frequently followed shortly by Catra dressing and winking saying, "Seriously, great cock!" is a lot lol. It's such a porn movie style fic and there is something fantastic to be said about it.

But you even hint that Catra could be headcanonned as anything besides a lesbian and your body will be found in a few months time in several different bags. Suggesting Catra and Hordak having any romantic or sexual relationship probably gets you reported to the fucking government or something. So there's a reason it's never made a rec list from me but fuck it I'm mentioning it now.

They aren't real. If I want to occasionally have a giggle about them and make my little dolls bump uglies everyone else should politely not look while my fellow weirdly sane people who get that this is all make believe but sure we're the freaks here come poke and enjoy!

Fucking shipping wars and discourse man. I'm sick of it.

Worst part of canon for me is the censorship and uncertainty that caused various issues with the plot and prevented the show from being even stronger. You can see it in real time while watching, but man it was wild in December 2018 to see how professional media talked about the show and Catra and Adora being adoptive sisters, to AJ (I think?) getting dumped on for repeating that idea and having to apologize, to the open gayness at the end. I love SPOP, but the rocky terrain the crew-ra had to navigate really did impact the quality and created weird gaps that asshole fans hunkered down into. Like, we cannot pry some of those fuckers out.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

I need you to understand that my immediate response when I started writing this answer out was a very strained and painful sigh through my nose as my brain returned a static white noise sound.

I am really tired of forcing this jock!Adora and slacker!Catra thing. Like, it started in modern AUs but it's gone and infected people's idea of canon as well. It falls into a bit of the "dumb adora" trope, which people just don't seem to actually understand what that means or is about. It also falls into Shadow Weaver's narrative of who Catra is which is wild. Like. Really wild.

You are telling me Catra, a cat person who grew up in a military, is actively against exercise? Yes, she would 100% sleep in a sunbeam for a nap, and then she wakes up and craves some low key chaos and violence.

You are telling me Adora, forced into a golden child and leadership position, is bad at reading and math and science because all she cares about is training? Adora 100% enjoys physical fitness and using her body, but she's got a sharp mind on her and there's no way in hell she doesn't like to work it too.

I am just exhausted with it in modern AUs, and now it has gone to infect canon interpretations. It flattens their characters out, ignores/denies parts of their abuse, and nukes their abilities from orbit. I hate it so so much.

Also if I have to see one more fic or art piece where Catra is willingly and happily wearing dresses, skirts, and heels I swear to fucking god I will KILL. :)

13. worst blorboficiation

Again, this is all of them. Everyone suffers from being blorbo'd to an insane degree, but it just shifts depending on which character is the favorite of that part of the fandom. You have talked several times about the insanity of Catra fans vs. Hordak fans, the blorboification is insane there. Same with Catra fans vs. Glimmer fans.

Like. God damn. I'm so glad the Adora vs. Catra fan fights died out real quick because this fandom is exhausting enough.

With Catra being my favorite it's extra exhausting because there is CONSTANTLY people attacking her and then total asshats trying to defend her who I do not want to be associated with. I love her. She's a fucking idiot and a bastard and a baby. Somehow, every take on her is both the worst and factually correct and then the fandom fights.

Tipsy, I. Am. Tired.

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

OKAY

Let's fucking talk about how GLIMMER IS NOT AN EVIL BITCH. Can we talk about that? STOP TRYING TO LEAVE THIS POST AND SIT YOUR ASS DOWN WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS AGAIN because someone needs to hear it louder in the back.

Glimmer is the character who is probably be done the dirtiest by the fandom but for wildly different reasons throughout the whole show. Hands down.

After S1 fandom took Glimmer and made her into an entitled dumbass whiner who threw money and her titles at her problems. They made her act like a child without any complexity. And it 100% took me from not really liking her character much to detesting her which is outrageous every time I remember that I kinda hated her at that point.

This did not improve post S2. :)

Post S3 probably was the most sympathetic and understanding the fandom was to Glimmer but it came at the cost of trying to bulldoze Catra for the Portal and people making callout posts like these characters were real people. I feel like the rise of some of the G/A shippers that I really can't stand was around this time. It was catra vs. glimmer fans going bat shit and drawing lines for ships.

If they couldn't assassinate Glimmer's character, by god the fandom would assassinate both Catra and Adora's in wildly different ways instead!

Do I need to talk about post S4? The idea of dark Glimmer and Glimmer going off the rails should have been a fun thing to play with in the sandbox and instead just writing it down made me cringe. Now Glimmer has to be an evil bitch because she had a trauma response and made bad decisions, now she is irredeemable because I made up a situation where she did something she didn't in canon for reasons so OOC someone probably slapped Donut Steel on it somewhere.

There was a little lift post series, but man people are holding onto Glimmer being a spoiled brat to play off of for Catra or a cruel bitch for Catra and, again, as a Catra fan, I want to bite bite kill kill bite kill kill kill!!!

Glimmer is allowed to grow up from being a spoiled kid who had good intentions and was naive. She is allowed to be over eager, bratty, petty, silly, funny, caring, and smart too. She's allowed to make bad choices and struggle with how to recover from it.

STOP MAKING ME THE LEAVE BRITTNEY ALONE MEME FOR GLIMMER

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

Shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs, shut up about redemption arcs-

[biblicallyaccurateandrogynoussex]

now allow me to fill you in on our cast of characters, all with a healthy dose of found family. (note that if i say a sexuality or anything of that sort its likely a headcanon, this show was made in like the 80s or 90s)

Captain Benjamin Sisko: human. he's like. the only one on this show who isn't some flavor of queer. he's the supportive ally and also very dadcoded (but also has like. an actual son. his name is jake and someone compared me to him once). sisko is in charge of the station! he calls all the shots and is also apparently part bajoran god? he also really likes baseball! one time (in the middle of space war) he taught all his senior officers how to play baseball so he could be petty and win against some dude he didnt like.

Colonel Kira Nerys: bajoran! she's definitely lesbian. she also used to be a terrorist, but now she's second in command! shes got a very queer relationship with the science officer, jadzia dax. her character is really fun. she's technically not a part of starfleet, since she still works for bajor, and that means she gets to bend the rules a little bit. she's stubborn, and her temper can run a bit high, which provides for a contrast with sisko. canonically, shes with odo, and their relationship is the most boring EVER except for when they got together that was so fucking funny

Doctor Julian Bashir: MY SKRUNKLY!!!! he's just a human guy but he's genetically modified because his parents are ableist! he's definitely autistic, transgender, AND bisexual. and when he was a kid, he was special needs, and learned very slowly, and his parents HATED that so they illegally turned him into a super human intelligence wise (and BECAUSE it's illegal, he hides this for most of the series). he aslo CANNOT stop committing medical malpractice and flirting with his patients its awful. hes got a Very Very Homoeroitc relationship with one Elim Garak, who refers to him consistently as "my dear doctor" (they're clearly fucking).

Chief Miles O'Brien: human, literally just some guy, goes through The Horrors regularly. i wish i could remember some of the shit the writers put him through because they do him SO dirty every time there is an episode centered around him. he's the maintenance guy and he technically isnt even an official officer. he was also on a previous show, star trek: the next generation. he's got a wife and kids and a Weird relationship with bashir. theyve at least explored each others bodies.

Jadzia Dax: i forgot her rank. actually. but she;s trill! the trill are weird because there are the PEOPLE and then there are the worms (symbiotes or however its spelled) and you can choose to get joined with a worm or not. jadzia is joined so shes got a shit ton of memories of like 7 other people (kinda systemcore /projecting) and she's best friends with sisko. she's the science officer and canonically gets with worf. they get married, their relationship is... interesting? she's very fun tho, shes got tons of skills from her worms knowledge and she regularly wins at gambling.

(THERE ARE MORE IM SENDING ANOTHER ASK AND PRAYING THIS ONE DOESNT GET EATEN)

I love the comments on how some of these guys have explored each other's bodies. Also we love queer coded guys and system coded guys. Obsessed with their names they're like so normal but to the left

[null-doesnothing]

I hope you dont mind but since you've left spaces open for sulu, scotty, uhura, and chapel I figured I'd step in with my own like a nerd

Sulu: dont have any specific sexuality or gender headcanons for the guy but he's gotta be some flavor of queer I fear. used to love going to beaches as a kid and cant stand it anymore, listens to a weirdly varied amount of music genres (like you'd look in his playlist and find top 20 pop list type music and the most niche shit you have EVER heard of. also some shit Chekov snuck in there that he decided he didn't care enough abt to get rid of) also probably the type of guy to just have the One playlist and its just his liked songs and everyone who looks at it is like "dude wtf IS this". he has no explanation. Next to Spock, he's the most heat-resistant of the group, though unlike Spock he actually handles humidity fairly well (cant relate im from the desert I would drown) Oh also you cant tell him shit cuz he's a major gossip sorry

Scotty: probably unlabeled honestly if I had to guess, I don't think he would care too much abt it... or think too much abt it.... busy w/ da ship. honestly this is barely a headcanon but the mf just loves feeling impressive at any given moment. about anything. ever. Also has definitely fallen asleep while working on something and almost wrecked his whole face. oh also he probably had a cat at some point in time that would sit on him as he slept and one night he accidentally like. threw it off in his sleep. and he felt really bad about it. dont ask how I know it was written in the stars shsshhh

Uhura: either lesbian or bi, personally I lean towards lesbian for her. can draw!! really well actually!! does it in her free time and sort of keeps them to herself, I think if she met Data they'd bond over the little art adventures going on there. Also she can only hypothetically cook. like- she knows what needs to go into a dish, and how to make it taste good, and she could instruct someone on what to do? but as soon as she actually physically tries to make a dish just. 🔥 uhhh has a collection of ancient (lol) cassette tapes that she Can Not Play because she couldn't find a working cassette player. Scotty's ended up working on making one as a side project

Chapel: lesbian. that is a lesbian woman with comphet. absolutely. 100%. has some betazoid in her but not enough to show At All (though to be fair, not much to show up anyways. also this is my watsonian explanation for Lwaxana having her exact face, though tbf ig like it could be the other way around but SSSHHHH) and was also raised on Mars for some of her childhood. oh also has just the most insane Bullshit Detector ever, it's very very difficult to get a lie past her. as a child her hair was brunette and got more blonde over time, but her hair in tos is dyed to give it a different tone. also this one goes against canon but ACTUALLY WEARS GLOVES IN SICK BAY AND GETS ANNOYED WHEN BONES DOESNT

ahem- now, I'm going to be very self-indulgent for a moment and, instead of just leaving it there, I'm going to attack one more character with my headcanons because he's my FAVE and NOBODY EVER MAKES HEADCANONS FOR HIM so uhhh. that's my thing rn I'm hijacking your post a bit

Sarek (I love him sm I'm sorry): as a little boy he was probably one of the least well behaved, most rambunctious, and emotional children on the whole of Vulcan, and for the most part was just generally a pain in his parent's asses for a long long time. eventually he became the hyper-strict unemotional logical vulcan he is now, but he definitely wasn't always that way, had to be drilled into him. that's feeds into my headcanon for why he treats Spock the way he does, there's slight fear at him acting human but generally, his fear leans more towards Spock ending up like he was as a child. totally incorrect fear my guy but hey idk what do I know. oh also I think you can't ever show him star wars because he would see Anakin's storyline and have a heart attack spontaneously. OH OH ALSO- this one ISNT a headcanon but I-Chaya was HIS pet first! the headcanon here comes in that I firmly believe when he was like. 6. he picked up little tiny baby I-Chaya and was like "im keeping it. mine now." like a child adopting a stray cat off the street and their parents begrudgingly accepting it.

sorry that's way longer than the other guys' I think abt him a lot

favourite star trek headcanons?

Oh boy I have ALOT hehe (thank you so much for asking :3) (and these are just my silly headcanons and it's totally find if you disagree with them <3)

Id like to hear your favourite headcanons @etherealspacejelly :3

Kirk: Hes trans and pansexual (or bi I like both), that bitch loves to vouge its his favourite dance move hehe, kept the boob window shirt from amok time and wears it just to annoy Spock, is Jewish, (this one is more for AOS kirk but whatever) He LOVES 90s and early 2000s rap and hip hop such as the Beastie Boys.

Spock: Jewish on his mums side, is gay MLM or unlabelled (I like both hc), really likes ambient music and falls asleep to it and white noise.

Bones: Is bisexual (yeah no, no character in TOS is straight sorry) loveeees to sing country songs when no one is around or can hear him even while on duty (Kirk definitely caught him once singing and teased the living fuck out of him), he loves to wear low raise jeans (old man whore), he has anger problems, a chronic smoker (yes yes he's a doctor but come on...he needs to let off some steam man) loves old country music especially from 20th century Earth, a massive fan of Dolly Parton and sings her songs regularly (his singing voice isn't actually that bad either, quite soothing but slightly deep)

Chekov: bi-curious (NO SLAVIC PERSON IS TRULY STRAIGHT...coming from a slav hehe) weed smoker so he probably smells like kush 50% of the time, is eastern orthodox (religion wise) he absolutely adores late 20th century (80s-90s) Russian Post-Punk such as Кино and Nautilus Pompillus, he also listens to Bladee and the drain gang in general (idk man he just seems like the average drainer/Bladee fan) also uses She/Him pronouns...(or that's just me projecting myself onto him)

...yeah you can CLEARLY see which characters are my favorites hehe (also I didn't put on hc for sulu scotty uhura or chapel since I barely have any)

[hidekomoon]

lgbt BOOKS i read this year ranked by how cool the lgbt plot was

1. this is how you lose the time war unlike anything i’ve read before. i didn’t know a blend of poetry, romance and science fiction was possible but i was completely mesmerized by it! it’s really an Experience

2. aristotle and dante dive into the waters of the world of course it was amazing. of course. what are you waiting for? read it 🗡️

3. one last stop really liked it. it’s better when you go in not knowing much so i’ll just say that it has the most relatable single bisexual early-20s main character (&all the characters are great), it’s set in new york and really makes it feel like home, and the plot will surprise you

4. first kill it’s just a short story but damn it’s everything i knew i needed. they’re making a tv show out of it and im already a fan. vampire x vampire hunter, but with girls?? come on 💕💕💕

5. on a sunbeam i am once again recommending tillie walden’s graphic novel to literally everyone. science fiction, beautiful art, fish spaceships, mysteries and secrets, lots of lesbians, no men, and one nb character who uses they/them

6. the seven husbands of evelyn hugo it’s actually really good! i couldn’t put it down (despite the length). dramatic but i love stories that span a lifetime; evelyn is very badass and relatable

7. kissing the witch: old tales in new skins feminist retelling of fairytales (like cinderella, snow white, etc). i loved it! the atmosphere was dreamy and grave at the same time, with a focus on witch characters and women’s empowerment. the medium of tales always makes for very meaningful stories and it was done perfectly here

8. she drives me crazy if you’re looking for a simple romcom with a bit of drama (but well written) this one is great! esp. for fake dating and enemies to lovers fans

9. written in the stars yeah well i am not immune to modern pride and prejudice retellings. if you’re into romantic comedies, astrology, and fake dating, you will like this one

10. crier’s war & iron heart interesting concept! it was well written and there’s a lot of potential here, even if some parts of the narrative felt a little too mechanical for me i still enjoyed it a lot

11. king of scars/rule of wolves nina zenik making all of fjerda open-minded one enemies to lovers romance at a time!! however it’s not the only plot, it’s more like a random subplot of nikolai and zoya’s story, so you can’t just read it for nina

12. the invisible life of addie larue i was pleasantly surprised when it was revealed that both mcs were bisexual. they both get the bare minimum of one ex of the same gender, and then have their m/f romance. the story was interesting though, urban fantasy deal with the devil type

13. the dark wife retelling of the myth of persephone but here hades is a woman. nice reimagination of the myth. the narration was a bit hard to follow though, maybe because the tone and style were unusual for me

14. history is all you left me i only read that one because the girl i like was obsessed with it, and i am obsessed with her. it’s super sad and basically deals with grieving your ex boyfriend who you still have feelings for, and then there’s some additional drama. not my favorite but not that bad i guess?

15. in the vanisher’s palace i liked the concept and what it tried to do but it just wasn’t long enough to make the story work. imo it needed more worldbuilding and a bigger focus on the relationships, esp. between the mc and her love interest

[pencilscratchins]

hello! do you possibly have any fic recs for star wars ?

yes yes yes-- i warn you, these are all over the place, because clearly, i only pay attention to the parts of star wars that fill me with joy lMAO. which means i’m a multishipper & have 30 comfort characters.

who gave you eyes like that, said you could keep them by owlinaminor [1/1] (Rey/Rose: modern au with useless lesbians and unhelpful mlm friends!) this is probaBLY my go to reyrose fic when i need a pick me up! rey is shockingly relatable in this. Too close to home lmAO

A Generstion Lost To Space by ebbet [1/1] (Bohdi/Luke: my neighbor AU but done better than I ever could imagine) if you think i don’t still simp for bodhiluke YOUR MISTAKEN! this fic is funny, tender, and still probably my go to comfort fic. i love it more than words.

Meat Mechs by Meggory [1/1] (Rose & Poe: rose is warned to never fall for poe’s charm and never give droids belly rubs) i live in a desert of no fics where Rose&Poe are besties and this fic is like a beautiful oasis in the middle. such a cute rose character walk through and her BB8 interactions are literally to die for. 

but home was a dream by redyucca [2/2] (Din/Luke: to quote: “din takes off the helmet and learns how to put it back on”) this fic is so probably better written than any of the official novels— it’s absolutely bonkers to me that this is FOR FREE! luke and din feel so organic in this fic, and it’s so lovely.

staring down the barrel of the hot sun by magneticwave [1/1] (Din/Luke: au where the jedi order never falls, and luke is chosen for a diplomatic meeting on mandalore) luke’s characterization (and relationship with obi wan & mace) is so incredibly well done here— also this fic made me care about star wars lore. WHICH IS HARD.

Diplomacy (Happens At Night) by Vulcanodon [4/4] (Finn/Poe: undercover as a married couple for a diplomatic mission, on a planet that’s not quite right.) fake/pretend relationship is simply my favorite trope hands down PERIOD. and i also love how poe is written here: the author really gets him!! also loml c3p0 is heavily present.

diogenes (what makes a man?) by someakwardprose [6/6] (Cody/Obi-Wan) i dunno if you noticed but im sorta horny for introspective character studies? and this is the cody character study we DESERVED. it’s a bit heavier than the other fics here but my god, is it worth it. for someone who hates angst generally, i get basically all of my angst from codywan fics LMAO

because I don’t know how to love any other way? by rain_sleet_snow [1/1] (Beru/Owen/Obi-Wan: luke voice: did you fuck my aunt & uncle, ben? did you fuck my fucking aunt & uncle?) look…. this fic is fantastic i don’t wanna hear ANYTHING from ANY OF YOU. 

In Five Minutes or Less: Meet the Love of Your Life by zombified419 [1/1] (Din/Luke) This is the speed dating AU i was talking about. i have read this easily forty times. i’m obsessed with it. There’s a part where Din is flirting from behind the bar, and i had to just sit down for a full minute.

[lesbinewren]

hey friend, i've been following your blog for a while now and i absolutely think you should go on a rant about modern sw canon being homophobic! i agree with you and i'd love to hear your points (especially re: anything having to do with tarkin, as im not as familiar with that) (:

ill try to not turn this into like a full six page essay lmao

so basically there are at this point a fair amount of gay/bi characters in sw canon atm... just none appearing on-screen (or at least not being explicitly gay on-screen) except for those two women that kissed for like half a second in tros. so thats point one i guess- all but completely restricting even acknowledgements of gayness to books/comics that dont get nearly as much recognition as the screen media does. 

point two is that theres a pattern of the main characters they choose to make explicitly gay as being... considerably less moral than others sometimes. and im not saying that every single gay character needs to be completely flawless with the sun shining out of their ass at all times, but why cant we get more lead, unquestionably heroic characters to be confirmed gay or bi? we have gay villains (tarkin being sorta confirmed gay in facpov, moff mors who deserves an entire post of her own), and then characters that are more like anti-heroes, or at least heros with darker pasts/tendencies (aphra, sinjir, arguably characters like sana, chass and yrica but those three to a much lesser degree). 

and i dont... dislike those characters. i actually LOVE aphra, shes probably one of my faves, and i loved sinjir and conder in aftermath. i dont really have any problems with their stories at all, it’s just that they’re part of a pattern of characters with sometimes questionable morality (aphra working with vader and happily siccing her droids to torture and murder people etc & sinjir being a torturer for the empire who then joins the rebellion and tortures sometimes for that cause too). like again, my problem isnt that gay characters arent paragons of virtue, its that most characters they happen to make gay also happen to be the morally gray ones. im not really asking for less dubiously good cay characters, just also more solidly heroic gay characters to balance it a bit. 

and they are getting better, there are more solidly heroic main gay characters... its just for every wyl lark or kaedan larte you have a gay imperial officer and an offhandedly mentioned dead pair of husbands. and i also dont think id mind as much if there wasnt a history in film especially where even implying gayness was prohibited unless it was condemned or shown to be immoral. i dont think its intentional, but its hard not to get that vibe when they make their biggest canon lesbian character blow up cute tooka cats for fun lmao (as much as i adore aphra)

and my third and probably final point for now is the deliberate vagueness of things, and the way that they sometimes confirm characters. i think they’re especially egregious about this with bi/pan characters. i dont have the direct quote, but when confirming lando to be lgbt during solo promotion, they essentially said he’s pan because he... has sex with droids and aliens? no mention of you know... being a man attracted to other men, that might be too controversial ig. also i think it was donald glover who specifically said something like “how couldn’t you be pansexual in space, there’s so many things to have sex with” as if thats what being bi/pan is which just... yeah.

and then also in the leia book (a book i really like), the “confirmation” of holdo being bi is when leia says something about sticking to “humanoid males” and holdo tells her “thats limiting” or whatever which a) its a personal pet peeve of mine as a lesbian when people say things like that, even tho its said to a straight person, its just insulting and acts like sexuality is a choice and bi/pan people are more enlightened by choosing not to “limit themselves” and b) in context they’re talking about a like... bug alien or something like that, its been a minute since i read the book but it wasnt just like a humanoid alien woman or anything. so again... being just vague enough to get woke points for your character being lgbt without actually having them express same gender attraction AND equating being bi to just being willing to screw whatever i guess.

and for the record i dont think that this all means star wars is being unforgivably homophobic. i DO think characters like aphra, sinjir and others are good representation, i just dont want characters like that to be our only representation, because thats when things start to get more questionable for me. but like, i think its AWESOME that aphra has her own comic line and audiobook where she’s very explicitly gay, and the fact that she’s probably the most popular modern star wars comic-originated character while being a lesbian seriously makes me happier than i know how to express. i think the fact that the alphabet squadron trilogy made two of its female leads explicitly bi and one of their male leads end up in a relationship with another man is amazing. i love sinjir and conder’s romance being a primary feature of the aftermath trilogy. i think its incredible cool of them to have the bravery to make an iconic character from the original trilogy pan, even if im not a huge fan of the phrasing they used (and would like them to be more explicit about it in future content). like, i dont want to be all negative because i think there is a lot of good rep there. i just know it can be better, and being allowed to criticize it makes me feel better about it, and hopefully will start more conversations that lead to them being more mindful in the future. 

[badwolfwrites-sometimes]

Drawn Together: Chapter 16

I may or may not have forgotten to post this chapter here for a while... Anyway, there are 5 references to other pieces of Hetalia work, see if you can get them all right. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923374/chapters/57211975

♡~Feli~♡: Ludwig

Ludwig: Yes?

♡~Feli~♡: Im sad

Ludwig: Why are you sad?

♡~Feli~♡: Mirror me is ugly ♡~Feli~♡: I have these dumb fat cheeks and this stupid baby face and this fat body ♡~Feli~♡: No matter how hard i try i cant lose them ♡~Feli~♡: Ill never be manly enough for girls to like me

Ludwig: Feliciano are you crying?

♡~Feli~♡: Ofc im crying ♡~Feli~♡: I just look so dumb no wonder ppl call me stupid

Ludwig: Okay, take a deep breath Ludwig: You only look ugly to yourself because you are crying Ludwig: You aren't dumb and you aren't ugly Ludwig: And I am pretty sure there are some girls out there that will like you Ludwig: Have you eaten anything today?

♡~Feli~♡: No ♡~Feli~♡: Im already fat enough i dont deserve more food

Ludwig: Feliciano Ludwig: Losing weight isn't about not eating at all Ludwig: Not that you have any to lose, you look perfectly fit in your pictures Ludwig: Once you stop crying go eat something Ludwig: You will feel much better

♡~Feli~♡: But ill still be fat and ill still have this stupid baby face

Ludwig: They are alright Feliciano Ludwig: They are barely noticable Ludwig: Now will you please go eat something

♡~Feli~♡: Okay

Ludwig: Good Ludwig: I am worried about you, do you think we could have another video call?

♡~Feli~♡: Let me dry my tears first

Feliciano took his time calming down. He made himself some tea and grabbed the leftover pizza from the fridge. Today, he was alone in the house, a feeling that worsened his melancholy. There was no one to hold him and cuddle him and tell him that things are okay. There was no one to yell at him and tell him to pull himself together and do something useful in life before whispering to him that he's beautiful. Feliciano craved those moments today.

He didn't even warm up his pizza before eating it like it was straight out of a famous Italian restaurant. His tea left forgotten as he dined, only the soft smell of cinnamon strong enough to calm his nerves down. It wasn't the time to be depressed, he had Ludwig to talk to. Finishing off his pizza, he grabbed his tea and retreated to his room, turning on Skype.

♡~Feli~♡: Okay im calm you can skype me now

Ludwig: Alright, let me just turn on my laptop

A few minutes later, Feliciano got the Skype notification on his computer. Accepting the call, he was met with the usual Ludwig business, bringing a smile to his face.

Ludwig was dressed properly, nothing too fancy, but also not in pajamas like Feliciano was. His hair was neatly slicked back and his room as tidy as always. Same couldn't be said about Feliciano.

On top of wearing pj's all day everyday, Feliciano was tightly wrapped up in a thick blanket like it was in the middle of winter and not plain old May. His eyes were still noticeably red and puffy, but Ludwig wouldn't comment on that even if it killed him. To add to the sad wintery atmosphere Feliciano had going on, between his hands, he was cuddling a colorful cup covered in stars.

Said cup was the first thing Feliciano noticed Ludwig was staring at. "Do you like it? I made it myself when I was a kid." He smiled.

Ludwig nodded, clearing his throat. "Yes. It really fits you, I must admit."

Feliciano giggled, feeling a bit of a sting from his eyes. He will probably have a headache in the morning.

"Are you feeling better?" Ludwig continued. "Did you eat anything?"

Feliciano nodded. "I had some leftover pizza so I ate that. And now I'm drinking tea to feel good about myself."

"Good. That is good."

"I guess."

"Do you feel better now that you had something to eat?" Ludwig asked, his concern for Feliciano noticeable in his voice.

"Yeah, I think. Sorry I worried you like that."

"Don't be. If anything, I am glad that you spoke to me about it. I know how you feel. I was a chubby kid too."

"How did you lose weight?"

"I didn't. Growing up, my weight just transferred into muscles and I trained for a while. None of it went away."

"Well, that's comforting." Feliciano sighed sadly. "I can't keep a training schedule to save my life. Especially now that I am out of school and do nothing all day."

"You just need something to push you to do it." Ludwig said. "How about a dare?"

"A dare? Are we playing truth or dare?"

"We can if you want to."

"Okay. What's your dare?"

"I dare you to do 3 pushups every day for the next month."

Feliciano nearly spat out some of the tea he was drinking. "Three?! I can barely do 1!"

"It is a dare, you have to do it." Ludwig almost smirked.

"Only if you do something as well."

Ludwig was about to start regretting his decision. "What is it?"

Feliciano thought hard for a while, before coming up with a challenge long and hard enough for Ludwig to do it. "You told me once you weren't much of an artist."

"Yes." Ludwig was definitely regretting playing this game.

"I want you to paint me a picture of what made you happy that day. Every day. For the next month." Feliciano smirked.

"Does it have to be a painting?" Ludwig meekly asked. "You know how busy my schedule is."

"No, but it has to be colorful. And I want them sent to me by 11 p.m. ever day."

"You really like challenges, don't you?"

"You dared me first. Now you have to do it too."

"Fine." Ludwig relaxed in his chair. "It is my turn I believe." He took his time thinking about the perfect question. "If you could only see one color for the rest of your life, which one would it be?"

Taken a bit by surprise, Feliciano thought for a while, looking around to spot a color which stood out the most to him. The sea was calm today, that got his attention, so calm it was almost calling for him, so, so very... "Blue." He said out loud, without realizing it.

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me." Ludwig's voice pulled Feliciano out of his trance. "I would like to see brown mostly."

Feliciano's face almost twisted at the word brown. Why brown? It doesn't even stand out that much in nature, it's just darker orange and an ugly mix of colors together. "Why?"

Ludwig smiled. "My dogs are mostly brown." Well that explained a lot.

"I should have expected that." Feliciano laughed. "My turn. Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

An awkward question to ask Ludwig, Feliciano noticed. His cheeks have gotten a shade or two darker than usual, something that would probably go unnoticeable if he wasn't so pale. Regardless, Feliciano just had to know.

Ludwig breathed in. "No. I don't even have a female friend that isn't family to me."

"You've never dated?" Feliciano asked in surprise. And Ludwig was so good looking?

Ludwig shook his head, slightly embarrassed. "I get it that I haven't, but you? Look," Feliciano started, "when I come to Germany, we'll go hunting for ladies so that neither of us are single ever again, okay?"

It was no use in arguing over girls with Feliciano, so Ludwig just gave in. "Why are you so obsessed with them anyway?"

"Is that the next question?" Feliciano asked.

"Yes."

Feliciano thought for a bit. "I think it's because I have multiple personalities living inside of me." He pointed to his chest. "One is your regular flirty Italian, the other is a sad bastard and the third one is just a huge lesbian."

Ludwig laughed, but Feliciano continued. "I think we all have a female part inside of us, mine just happens to like girls more than normal."

"Okay, if you say so." Ludwig still had to recover from his laughing fit.

"Also, lately I've been having these strange dreams. Like, one time I dreamed I was stuck in a dreamworld and it was all really beautiful and nice, but I would die if I stayed for too long. And you were coming to save me." Feliciano rambled. "Would you come save me from the dreamworld, Ludwig?"

"Of course I would." Truth to be told, Ludwig wasn't following Feliciano much.

"Aw, thank you. Anyway, that's not even the weirdest. I dreamed about this guy Steve one time, only he wasn't actually a guy but some alien creature. And he had this big mansion and I was stuck in there and I couldn't escape and it was so horrifying." Feliciano shivered at the memory of his dream.

"I must admit that it does sound horrifying. Especially if you happen to be claustrophobic." Ludwig said. "Now that you mention it, I've been having some strange dreams as well. And for some reason, you are always in them."

That peaked Feliciano's interest. Not that he wasn't interested in the first place. "Oh, I wanna hear! I wanna hear!"

"Well, one time I was a pilot during World War 2 and I was stationed in Italy and I met you, but then something happened and I had to leave. My plane crashed and I was imprisoned and you came to save me, then..." Ludwig stopped. "I don't recall what happened next, but it ended nicely, I think. I just remember flying a Messerschmitt Bf 109."

"Mrs. What?" Feliciano asked.

"Messerschmitt. It was a German fighter plane in World War 2. It was a rival plane to Spitfire and had a yellow nose."

Feliciano laughed. "I'll forget it's name, but at least I'll know it had a yellow nose."

"That is all you need to know." Ludwig continued. "Then I had another dream and it was poker themed. I was the king of hearts and you were my queen. That is pretty much all I remember from it."

"You must think so highly of me to make me your queen, I'm flattered." Feliciano giggled. "What do you think these dreams mean?"

"No idea, but I wish I knew. Maybe, they represent our bond with each other as friends."

"Maybe. Maybe they are telling us of our past lives and all that. Like your war one."

"I want to stop you because if you start talking like that, we will never leave the topic of dreams."

Feliciano laughed, glad that Ludwig was listening to him by stopping him from going too far with his talking. "When will you come to Italy, Ludwig? We could have so much fun."

"As soon as I have some more free time, I will pay you a visit."

"Yes! We can go on tour of Rome and I could show you the Colosseum and The Pantheon and Bocca della Verita and I could show you our beaches and we would have so much fun!"

"You sound like you have already planned everything out."

"That's just one possibility. I could give you a tour of all of Italy if you want. You just have to come here first."

Ludwig attempted his nicest smile. And failed. Feliciano was so excited about all of this. "Would you show me the Rialto Bridge as well?"

It would be a lie to say Feliciano's eyes didn't glow at this point. "Of course I would! And maybe you can bring your girlfriend, if you get one in time, and you can do the kiss scene from the book! You can even get married! Can I be your best man, please?"

"You will have to fight Gilbert for that position. I doubt he would just give it away."

"Gilbert, you are a worthy opponent. But I must take you down for the sake of providing myself the glorious Best Man position." Feliciano delivered the speech. "I can do best wedding speeches, I think Gilbert is already losing."

"We will see." Ludwig laughed. "But wouldn't you want to be your brother's best man?"

"I'm the odd one out, they got each other. Aside from you, I don't have much options on who else to have as my best man." Feliciano sighed.

"Well, that is really sad. I probably won't marry at all, so if you get married, I can still be your best man." Ludwig said.

"Really? You'd do that for me?"

"Yes."

"But what about Gilbert?"

"I admire you for believing that he would get married, but I doubt that would be the case."

"Harsh truth." Feliciano laughed. "I hope Lovi can get married. If not here, he could get married somewhere else."

"One day it might be possible."

"One day when the world isn't as hateful as now. I think he'll hate having to be married outside of Italy."

Silence fell upon them, just as the front door of Feliciano's house slammed shut. A soft, but loud voice could be heard. "Feli! I'm home!"

"Romeo is home. I'm not alone anymore." Feliciano commented.

"Do I suddenly not exist?" Ludwig asked, a bit offended by Feliciano's statement.

"No! I meant that I'm not home alone anymore. Don't go anywhere, I'd be sad if you stopped existing." Feliciano corrected himself.

A sound of footsteps coming up the stairs could be heard, but Feliciano failed to hear them.

"I won't be going anywhere then." Ludwig said, just as the door to Feliciano's room opened.

"Hi Feli." Romeo greeted. "Who are you talking to?"

Feliciano jumped slightly as the door opened, but smiled to his brother. "Ludwig. Come say hi."

Romeo did as he was told and greeted Ludwig. "Hi Lud."

"Hello." Came a response.

"Feli, nonno said he'll be coming home the day after tomorrow. We should probably prepare Lovi just in case." Romeo said.

"Good idea. I'll be down when we're done and we can plan the thing out." Feliciano responded and Romeo left him to wrap things up with Ludwig.

"So nonno is coming home soon. Which is bad. And we need to prepare Lovi for it. Which is worse." Feliciano explained the situation to Ludwig, seeing as the latter didn't know much Italian.

"I see. Basically, you get to be a pigeon again." Ludwig remarked.

Feliciano laughed, partially glad Ludwig still remembered that from a couple of months ago. "Probably. Maybe it works out okay in the end, but I doubt it."

"I am here whenever you need me. Except when I am at college or at work, but other than that..."

"Thanks." Feliciano laughed. "I gotta go. Me and Romeo have to plan this out carefully."

"Before you do, it is Romeo and I. Remember it."

"Yes, yes, Romeo and I, okay. Talk to you later, Ludwig!" Feliciano said, waving goodbye to Ludwig.

"Good luck!" Ludwig simply said and gave Feliciano a small wave before ending the call. They talked for good 3 hours, but to Feliciano it only felt like a couple of minutes.

He walked downstairs to discuss things with Romeo. Getting his brother and grandfather in the same room again won't be easy and Feliciano just hoped it would turn out okay in the end.

[datastate]

Top 10 Characters

Rules: List your top ten characters and then tag ten people

tagged by @thechosen-wan​! thank u!

zuko (a:tla) - do i even need to explain this one. atla’s breathtaking, zuko’s arc is fucking astounding. go watch the last airbender now or face my blade

alphys (undertale) - she’s so underappreciated despite being the sweetest and most creative+smartest character?? she has so much depth and a lot of her mistakes are caused by inherent flaws in her character. it’s not too much of a reach to realize how she’s accidentally caused this and how deeply it pains her to be unable to fix this sort of stuff and just!!! i could talk abt her for days!!!! appreciate her cowards!!!!!!

rex (the clone wars) - FUCK tcw team for not focusing on him as part of the main squad but he still means a lot in my heart and the bit of an arc he gets.. good. im care for him immensely and he deserves so much more

taaco twins (taz: balance) - cant have one without the other :’))) their story makes me so emotional and just. both of them r so strong and would do Anything for one another... but on a less serious note, i do love taakos jokes and the fuckinf. CONFIDENCE to tell the grim reaper you’re going to tentacle his dick and then go on dates later like. holy shit dude. and lup’s just!! she cares for barry and taako equally, one’s platonic and the other’s romantic, but taako’s just as much of a part of her as barry is and i :’)) that scene before becoming a lich makes me so emotional bro i love them. i love them so much.

toph beifong (a:tla) - badass child. i care for her a Whole Lot and her story n journey to break free of her parents’ control is just!!! its so fucking good. i love her dynamic with the others so much. she puts up a. not stern, but like. Serious exterior most of the time, but atla still shows her depth occasionally and im!!!!!!!! emotional 

ahsoka tano (star wars, specifically tcw era) - YES she’s a rambunctious little shit, YES she gives both anakin and obi waan headaches, YES she still has a big heart, and YES she’s a trans lesbian (okay that ones not canon but i project). FUCK the jedi order, i respect HER and i have a HUGE crush on her SHUT UP

angus mcdonald��(taz: balance) - he’s literally a whole child and he’s still has more braincells than thb! good for him!!!! he’s fuckinf adorable and i want to hug him and tell him he’s perfect because he is!!

plo koon (the clone wars) - [thru tears] u r my da-ad... ur my dad! boogiewoogiewoogie... - no i will literally never be over order 66 shut up shut UP ae cares SO much for wolfpack esp after... You Know :’) and ae clearly loves wolffe n i!!!! every time i see more of how plo adapts symbols the clones have made instead of some other republic/jedi symbol i get so emotional. i love aem. i love aem so so much. ae’s trying aer best and . hhhmggj <33

obi-wan kenobi (star wars) - like yeah he’s not a perfect character but he’s the epitome of the jedi order y’know? he’s also dad energy and i care for him

timpani (super paper mario) - nintendo did her dirty!!!! she deserves so much more and i wish we got to focus more on her and what she did before she met blumiere because she just!! augh she deserves a story of her own. i love the tragedy that follows the couple and fuck yeah super paper mario makes me cry but like... i want to know more about her on her own. that’s the only reason why she’s so low on this list. most of this list is just managed on how which ones came to me first, but i knew i had to put her last as much as it pains me :’)

anyone who sees this and wants to do it, go ahead!! tag me when u do!

[owowatsdiss]

Gays in Space

In light of recent troubles you may be asking yourself, "What the hell, can't I have one good thing?"

Well as a matter of fact,

you can.

Welcome to gays in space, a masterpost

~

Perhaps japan has stolen your heart and dyed your hair when you were thirteen, if so maybe Sailor Moon is right for you

I'll admit this probably isn't your introduction to sailor moon but you also didnt realize how incredibly gay it actually is.

Thats because for this you're going to have to be exceptionally careful about where you watch it.

The sailor moon on your tv as a kid had all the gay erased and told you they were cousins. With the right kind of japanese dub thats faithful to the original you get playful flirty quips and uncensored lesbian romance.

~

Perhaps you like to locally source your entertainment and only the freshest, indieist, content can brew your morning cup of joe, if so maybe what you need is On a Sunbeam

Words cannot describe how gay this is. Its only job is to be a lesbian romance in space and it is fucking acing it. This comic is beautiful and more importantly should get you that fix of positive gay space content you crave.

~

We've all gotten a plastic lightsaber as a child and subsequently broken it over the side of a tree, or at least I think we all have, lets not debate it too hard, point being what you need is some gays in Star Wars

~

Star Wars: Aftermath

Welcome to your new favorite book trilogy. Forget lord of the rings, hunger games is over, and for the love of fuck, burn those copies of fifty shades because I've got something better.

Thats right our man Sinjir is one of the main characters of this book and taking us on a gay journey through space while a bunch of assholes lose their shit about it.

Admittedly it takes until about book two to get to the level of gay you crave. But with the introduction of Conder we've got full on gay romance, gay tension, gay pinning, in star wars.

Now this is the first thing I've pointed you towards that isn't free, here's how youre gonna make it cheaper.

Check your local library. Maybe it's free for you. Who knows. Sit in barnes and noble and read it in it's entirety. What are they gonna do kick you out?(maybe)

If all else fails check your email and see if google play sent you five bucks off a book, which they do sometimes.(use the email search bar)

~

Another gay star wars book, sortof, From a Certain Point of View

From a Certain Point of View is a collection of 40 starwars related short storys and we care about exactly one of them.

MSE-6 and Men by Glen Weldon is a short story about a mouse droid capturing the love affair of a stormtrooper and an imperial officer.

It's cute, it's short, and near as I can tell it's the only star wars story that's sole focus is gay romance.

Now I probably wouldn't buy the whole book, for this one you've seriously just gotta head into a book store and read the part you're interested in.(not to say the book isn't good but alas the other 39 aren't gay related)

~

The Kotor series

A series of videogames taking place in the extended universe it's got space combat, space romance, and writing so sharp it could kill a man.

Kotor is a game series riddled with gay romance, but for this one you'll have to look up whichever one you're interested in and see what your gay romance options are. There are sooooo many choices. I actually can't list them all. Seriously look them up. In a world where you get maybe one token character on the side, here you'll have more gays then you can romance.

~

Perhaps you hate Star Wars, perhaps you're bummed out that the only videogames options mentioned involved my favorite laser space jesus, worry not because Mass Effect 3 is what you need

I've got only one thing I need to say about Mass Effect 3. Gay sex controversy. That is a real honest to god article. Shit my life is a gay sex controversy. Fucking iconic.

For this one yet again not really free.(for kotor games it depends.) But its also kind of an old game. So you'll find a used copy or maybe even pirate it.

~

Well you knew it was coming. Honestly shocked I managed to hold it back this long. So with all the casualness someone can recommend a webcomic longer than war and peace, let me tell you about Homestuck

It's beautiful guys. It's just literary perfection. I love everything about it. It's hilarious. It definitely understands life better than I do. The characters bounce off eachother and you can actually see the way they make a dent in eachothers live. The interests they have they actually geniunely have those interests. I'm almost positive hussie actually has all of the hobbies he's given his characters. It's just shockingly well written. And I recommend it more than anything else on this list.

Not to mention it's gay. It's so gay. Every grey character in the picture above is a gay space alien. And thats just the people I can show you.(tumblr says im at my photo limit)

It's literally a race of pansexual polyamorous space aliens. Seriously find me something gayer than that. You can't.

~

Honorable mention Neon Genesis Evangelion

Gay for only the briefest briefest sliver of a second. In a series this interesting it warrants perhaps a moment of your consideration.

~

Well I'll admit this is sortof for the voltron fandom. They definitely seem to be having a rough time of it. And recommending steven universe a million times doesn't really do them justice.(but if you haven't gotten a steven universe recommend yet it is also well worth your time) And if anyone knows of any others I'm very interested and I'll add them to this list.

[bluesrrgents]

Hi dear!! So sorry to bother you (again because i've asked you for fic recs before and they WERE amazing so im back aha) but would hav any good jerejean fic recs?? Ive become kinda obsessed with them

hii you’re never a bother!! sorry this took so long i lost my list of jerejean fics that i’ve read r i p zoe! they’re all under the cut and * means i haven’t read it yet, and please make sure to look at the warnings if you have any triggers!! have fun reading:)

thanks again to everyone who offered me some more recs :)

*hair dye by profslupin

Renee convinces Jean to let her dye his hair. The rest is exactly what you’d expect. (2k)

*mirrors by profslupin

The Trojans help Jean learn to look in the mirror and see himself instead of his scars

“Jean had a complicated relationship with his appearance. It wasn’t that he was insecure about his flaws, necessarily, but rather that they reminded him of his time in the Nest. Of his time with him.” (2.6k)

*watermarked by fairietailed

He hops into the kitchen on one foot, catching his mother before she carries the bowl of peas she’s holding into the dining room.

“Jeremy?” Her eyebrows pull together in concern at the look on his face. “What is it?”

“I don’t know,” he says, sticking out his foot. “I think it’s my soul mate?”

–

In which bruises and scars from your soulmate appear on your skin, and Jeremy’s skin is a myriad of colored stains. (4.6k)

*and i wanna come home to you. by redhoods

He’s so absorbed in staring at the way the sleeves are pulled up around his wrists that he doesn’t realize the team has filed out to the locker rooms until Jeremy crouches into his line of sight, “Everything alright?”

No, he thinks desperately, you’re too much.

“Sure,” he says eventually, standing up and walking away.

this is actually two parts, so it’s about 6k total

*the smell of honey by lilaliacs

Martha’s was a cozy little coffee shop that always smelled of honey, lilacs and something that couldn’t be described as anything less than home.And that’s what it was to Jeremy, who had spent his childhood sat on a stool at the tiny bar, coloring in the patterns of the menus, or watching his mother creating the most beautiful cakes and pastries that he had ever seen.

The place was filled with good memories and everyone who came in could sense the atmosphere of peace that seemed to fill the soft light falling in through lacy curtains at any time of day. In fact, multiple patrons had stated that they came in for exactly this, for a break from their everyday stress, to just grab a coffee and absorb whatever magic the smell of Martha’s cakes emitted and it was something Jeremy’s mother was very proud of.It was also something Jeremy was very proud of, and the reason for him to put his all in making the customers’ time there worthwhile.He never thought that one day, doing that would be a challenge.

(AU in which everything is the same only that Jeremy isnt captain of the trojans but works in his mom’s coffeeshop instead) (11k)

*eyes wide open by jaylocked

Jean blinked. Blinked again. Was sure he didn’t recognize the man on his doorstep, with his bright eyes and enormous grin and wavy blonde hair. Waited for him to explain himself with a simple raised eyebrow.

“Hi!” the man finally chirped. The sound was happiness channeled into a single word, and Jean wasn’t sure how he didn’t hate him already.

(based on the prompt from tumblr: “hi sorry I live below you and I hear your dog running around and barking all the time and– no no it’s fine I was just wondering if I could pet it?” au) (13k)

*i’ll come crashing by exyfexyfoxes

Hades/Persephone in the modern world where Jean runs an underground club that herds the souls of the dead. It’s a place where even gods die if they stay too long, regardless of how many pomegranate seeds they eat. Jean wants out. Jeremy wants in. Everybody wants them far away from each other. (19k)

*je reviens by laarusthefirst

‘Moreau is a rain cloud,’ Alvarez muttered, annoyed and bruised, watching Jean stalk ahead to the changing rooms. ‘He’s the human embodiment of a headache. He is the opposite of a Trojan.’‘Fucking good though, isn’t he?’ grinned Connor, jogging past.‘Can’t we all just be nice?’ Jeremy asked. (20k)

*this ink is still drying by ghostqueen

You can’t control who you want and you can’t control who hurts you

Jeremy was staring at Jean’s arms, tracing the bright swirls and splotches of ink that made up his sleeves with his eyes. His sleeves had been months of work and they still weren’t quite complete, he was still figuring out how to finish them. The first tattoo on his arms had been eight months ago, his first tattoo had been long before that. (26k)

*thick skin, an elastic heart by badacts

Jean sleeps around and learns how to make friends rather than alliances. Jeremy falls in love and can’t stop fucking up. (26k)

*ask the messenger by metis_ink

Jeremy Knox and the soulmate.

Guest starring: Exy, a transfer student, generalized anxiety, older sisters, drunk lesbians, bread, cake, a shed, the beach, the absence of Hennessy, Star Wars, Renee Walker, self-taught smooth talking, gratuitous French, No. 1 Trojans fan Kevin Day, relationship drama, general drama, the power of Friendship, questions, answers, team spirit!, and, of course, romance. (32k)

he could taste the stars by subtlehysteria

Jean is still adjusting to being a Trojan, Jeremy tries to help Jean open up to his new team. (47k)

*shield for a heart by neilskey

“It’s your choice, but you’re rotting away in here, Jean and no matter what she says, you can’t live in Abby’s spare bedroom forever. Time to start fighting again.”

Kevin’s hard and commanding tone was no surprise. The softness had been beaten out of him around the same time as Jean.

“What if I don’t want to anymore?”

Maybe it was because he had been half hidden in shadows-Jean had kept the shades drawn, but light still seeped in the cracks- but Jean thought he had seen something akin to understanding paint Kevin’s cool expression.“He’s gone. You survived. Play or don’t, it’s up to you, but you need to get out of this fucking house.”//Jean’s first year at USC. Jeremy falls hard, Jean comes around eventually. (55k)

*a little illumination by lazarusthefirst

Jean’s a lonely firefighter, and Jeremy teaches kindergarten. Everyone learns something about themselves. (56k)

*shooting for the stars, desperately reaching for something in the dark by cryptidkidprem

“He just won’t be back in black.”

A look at Jean’s first year with the Trojans, and his slightly rocky path to recovery. (146k)

WIPs:

*these streets by profslupin

alternate title: Jean and Jeremy’s Guide to an Epic Cross Country Road Trip

After one of Alvarez’s pranks leaves the boys stranded in South Carolina after a game, they decide to take the long route home. (1.6k, chapters 1/?)

*under the sun by knox_moreau

Jean Moreau is an exy player, not a writer. At least that’s what he thinks. His newfound therapist, however, has other ideas. Seeing as Jean refuses to talk to her in his hour-long therapy sessions, Ms. Dawson suggests perhaps writing down whatever he’s keeping inside. Jean can’t possibly see how he’s expected to write when he has nothing to write about. Then comes Jeremy Knox, in all his brightness and magnitude. Maybe, Jean thinks, he has something to write about. (7.2k, ch. 5/?)

*daffodils & gardenias by profslupin (any and all works by meg sponsored by this blog)

Jeremy Knox is the owner of a tattoo parlor when Jean Moreau opens up a flower shop next door. Jeremy gets a crush, but thankfully Laila and Alvarez are there to play matchmaker, with the help of Renee. (14k, ch. 9/?)\

*leaving marks by blackcatiiix

In a world where your soulmate’s injuries appear as bruises on your skin, Jeremy is… struggling. And that’s even before he meets Jean Moreau. (46k, ch. 12/?)

*marrow without bone by exyfexyfoxes

Onscreen Jeremy didn’t hesitate, displaying an eagerness that translated well across television. “Yeah, I spoke to Jean earlier this week. He’s definitely done for the year but he’ll be back in the fall.”Then, impeccably, a twitch at the corner of his mouth. “He just won’t be back in black.“Jean’s eyes narrowed.

(The season hasn’t even started yet and Jeremy already wants to cut their newest player from the team. Making the switch from Raven to Trojan isn’t quite what Jean thought it would be.) (68k, ch. 18/20)

[beaulesbian]

top 5 wlw books?

thank youu ♥♥

not your sidekick by c.b. lee, its so good, futuristic superhero themed and its cute and sweet! please go read it! the series has now a second book with trans male main character, i think, which i need to read asap!

of fire and stars by audrey coulthurst, a fantasy wlw book! princesses and pining and kisses, friends to lovers, slowburn, its amazing.also solving murder and threat to kingdom. what more do i need to say?? go read it

ice massacre by tiana warner. so far are two books published, and i cant wait for the third. its about mermaids vs people on island war, and forbidden love between a human girl and a mermaid (where the gender isnt the problem, i dont think there are any homophobic things said, the problem is about the mermaid and human thing) there are some epic fight scenes and some nice and cute scenes. aslkdjs its just so good

dreadnought by april daniels. a superhero lesbian trans female main character!! i love this book so much. its a duology i think, and still need to read the second book, but this one was amazing. there is more focus on the trans side of the main character, but that she loves girls is there too. warning for some transphobic slurs from her family tho, also some negative thinking about herself. read carefuly

im disappointed in myself that now i cant say i know more only wlw books.

there is You know me well by nina lacour and david levithan which is part about wlw girl and mlm boy and their friendship.

and also Radio silence by alice oseman where main girl is biracial and bisexual, which is also pretty great book.

(also legend of korra: turf wars comic book was pretty great and pretty gay)

put “top 5” anything in my ask

[femslashrevolution]

I Am Femslash by holtzyspatty

This post is part of Femslash Revolution’s I Am Femslash series, sharing voices of F/F creators from all walks of life. The views represented within are those of the author only.

__________________

about me…the author: my name is bianca - i am a black nonbinary lesbian. i love star wars, dragon age and mass effect. sometimes i do indie rping and i’m a graphic maker, i went to school for graphic design. i have nothing else as i’m not that interesting but my main blog is here. 

__________________

ok but a few things i would love to see f/f wise - is more content that is geared towards wlw who are woc, trans, nonbinary and asexual - the community tends to talk about it but yet i rarely see any content for any - i can only speak for the nonbinary as i am a nonbinary wlw - and another thing that needs to be talked about is when shows/movies tend to ignore - or say they only care for them platonically/can’t ship them - that tend to go out of their way to ship the two white women together and ignore other female characters who aren’t white, ex: ghostbusters, toltzmann and holtzbert. for the moment that is all i have and if it’s jumbled up or you can’t understand then im very sorry - doing things like this tend to make me nervous.

[fourteenacross]

2016 in writing

2016 in fic! This looks SO empty compared to past years, even if it's roughly the same amount of words! Hamilton: i saw the whole story unwind (132,888) Opening Break (3,531) Remote Capture (3,483) Not Your Average Bear! (1,835) Ghost Included (we hope) (2,941) but i won't go far away (12,577) the constellations aligned (10,004) the air grows cold around me and you (27,268) a way to hang the sun up in the sky (9,510) we'll have to muddle through somehow (8,513) Ficlets: Lazy Day (924) Cryptids (1,904) John's Instagram (1,443) Skeptic Refuted Fan Speculation (???)* Apocrypha (aka shit I wrote that takes place after the stuff in the main stories that may be disregarded/discarded as the next three stories develop): For Hire: Ghost Hunter (551) Three Wishes (2,446) Ouija Boards are NOT ALLOWED (1,139) Reality Show (1,538) Star Wars (2,441) X-Men Alternate Timeline Movies: Who Needs Sleep? (2,535) Fifty Dollars and First Impressions (3,574) Ficlets: Alex/Darwin Bookstore AU (343) Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries: Phryne/Jack Fake Married (588) Grand Total Fandoms: 3 Grand Total Stories: 23 Grand Total Word Count: 231,976* * I haven't written the transcription of this ficlet yet and I'm too lazy to do it right now, so it's not included in the total. Overall Thoughts: Well, this is a very different list than it's been for the past five years or so. The fandom switch aside, I didn't post any full stories until September, just a handful of tumblr ficlets. I also posted two things chapter-by-chapter, one as a WiP, which--wow, reminder that I NEVER WANT TO DO THAT AGAIN, it's far too stressful! The bulk of the words are all in the same verse, and I'm not even counting the words that I wrote and haven't posted yet, jeez. This stupid universe. I simultaneously hate and love it. Writing an epic WiP in a new fandom was really rough. I'm ultimately thrilled with the finished product--waiting until it was all finished made me redraft over and over again until things fit together the way I wanted. It left me space to go back and seed things that I wanted to develop as I went...I really think the finished product is way better than it would have been if I'd rushed and posted it before it was done. That all being said, gosh, it was lonely. It was so, so lonely, when writing epics usually involves a lot of bouncing ideas off of people and letting them read and suggest as I draft and really digging into the process, etc. There were a couple of people who popped in and out, but life and other interests got in the way (which makes sense considering this went on for NINE MONTHS), and, man, I missed being able to text and IM people will story ideas at all hours and feel confident that they'd be interested in what I had to say. (For all the texting I do, I am actually super shy about it? I'm super nervous about initiating unless I'm 100% positive I won't be bothering the other person, which limits my texting confidence to like, my back-up bunnies and Erica.) Anyway, that's all to say that this year was a very different experience, fandom writing-wise, but I think I learned a lot in the process so...hooray?

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? This year I think my main goal was "FINISH PART ONE OF THE GHOSTHUNTERS" without a specific word count attached, so I succeeded in that part? Knowing me, I probably wanted to crack 300k at least, and while I'm sure I WROTE over 300k this year, what I actually published is about on par with the last couple years, so. NUMBER wise, I think I imagined I'd have a greater output vis-a-vis completed stories, but a lot of the shit I wrote was on the longer side, so. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Hm. Well, there's a lot more porn in the ghosthunters than is in most of the fic I've written, traditionally, but nothing really shocking. Most of it was ghosthunters words, so...yeah. I guess the Angel/Raven was sliiiightly a surprise because I figured if I had to step in and write some SM pinch-hits it would be all Charles/Erik stuff, but I really liked that story and I have shipped that pairing for many years so....not super a surprise. What's your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? I loved a lot of the stories I wrote this year, because I'm super obsessed with myself. [[< -- I think I've kept that sentence in for the past few years because it remains true]] I really love most of the ghosthunters shit, but if I had to pick a favorite....idk, I'm torn between i saw the whole story unwind because it's so epic and took so long and I put so much into it and the constellations aligned, because it came so easily and I'm a total sap and it's a totally sappy story. Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Sitting on the ghosthunters until the first part was complete was new. Like I said above, that kind of patience and planning was difficult, but I think the end product was much better for it. So what I learned is probably "sit on a story for a couple days after you finish." I've always tried to employ at least cursory beta readers and done read-throughs after finishing, but the slower approach does actually lead to a better product. IMAGINE THAT. My best story of this year: Best? Hm. It's hard to compare i saw the whole story unwind to anything else, given it's length and the breadth of subjects it covers, so I'd say probably that or but i won't go far away, which deals with a lot of intricate emotions and explanations. My most popular story of this year: Okay, see, I wrote two chaptered stories this year and chaptered stories totally throw off your stats. Hit counts, kudos count, comment count...all of that is inflated by repeatedly pushing those fics to the top of the tags and having people come back for each chapter and all of that. Still, I'm p sure that i saw the whole story unwind was the most popular story? And I think a lot of that can be attributed to the above facts and also to the fact that it's the oldest and the longest and the first in the series, but...I'm gonna go with it anyway. Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I don't know that any of them are! Again, probably because most of them are in the same series, but...yeah, I'm pretty happy with the response to everything. I remember thinking at the time that there was something weird going on with the hit count for but i won't go far away because the hits-to-kudos ratio was WAY off. There were way too many hits accumulating in the first couple days it was up, like, way more than usual, even though kudos were accumulating at the correct rate? It was strange. And I did feel like that one got slightly less attention than some of the others, but that might be a mind trick based on that weirdly inflated hit count. Most fun story to write: Hm, I got a kick out of doing the twitter ficlet, and I wrote the constellations aligned in basically one sitting, so. Story with the single sexiest moment: This is one of the few years I have a lot to choose from. I think John's slow, intoxicated seduction in the constellations aligned probably wins that award. Definitely sexier than the sweet and kind of goofy sex scene in i saw the whole story unwind or the contemplative one in but i won't go far away. Story with the single sweetest moment: Hmmmmmmmm. "Sweet" is kind of my whole deal, and I like to think there's a lot of sweetness in my stories overall. I'm going to choose i saw the whole story unwind for this one and pin the sweetest moment in question as either Alex and John driving up to Peekskill or the two of them talking after Alex's nightmare. Most "Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story: Nothing really. Nothing cracky for me this year. Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: I mean, this whole series has been a lesson in picking apart these characters and seeing how they tick. So. Hardest story to write: i saw the whole story unwind, for sure. Jesus, it took me forever to finish and I was entirely despairing during parts of it. Biggest Disappointment: Just that I didn't finish more, I think. Biggest Surprise: People actually getting so into the ghosthunters. I honestly didn't expect anyone to read any of these stories and to have a tiny group of people who seem to eagerly await each new part...it really warms my heart and makes me so happy. I can't overstate who wonderfully surprising that has been. Most Unintentionally Telling Story: I think there are a lot of places where I project pretty hard on John, or maybe it's that I use a lot of my own experiences to color some of his? We don't actually have much in common besides being gay and being depressed, and I'm older and (I hope) wiser, but, you know, mental illness is a deep well to mine for content. I'd also say I mine a lot of my Jersey shit for Herc and that Molly is the closest thing this series has to a Mary Sue. I'm not into science or math, but I am a cheerfully sarcastic fat brunette lesbian who spends a lot of time whining "why don't girls like me?" and as Opinions about pizza. Plans for the next year: I'm gonna say 300k published words next year. I'd like to post at least the next three ghosthunters anchor stories, maybe venture outside ghosthunters for Hamilton related shit? Pick up my MG novel again. Set a writing schedule and try to stick to it. Leave more comments. Try to put some more good in the world, because it's gonna be a shitty, shitty year.

[asksansweredpdf]

1:  Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. i don’t have one particular favourite movie per se. but  star wars: i binge watched them at my friend’s house just before the ast jedi came out. i knew nothing about star wars and watched everything within 2/3 days. then, about a week later i watched the force awakens. and that was purely because we decided to watch the last jedi (which had just come out in cinemas) the next day. honestly, i didn’t care for star wars much skdjfhdjk but the force awakens really got me into it. and the last jedi fully sold me. then i went back and rewatched and i loooove the empire strikes back. now they’re my favourite movies. marvel: again, i hadn’t seen any marvel. but i had pretty much every friend i had yelling at me to catch up before end game came out. i loosely planned on watching them, but didn’t really get around to it until i got baked at a friends house and we had nothing to do. so we watched age of ultron and iron man and some others (i was too stoned to remember). i was sold i loved every second. and the fact that i was very high and rdj was very cute didn’t hurt. i went home the next day and watched ragnarok which happened to be probably the best movie i’d ever seen at that point. the next day, we got stoned again and watched infinity war. it was so fucked but amazing. i booked tickets for me and my dad to watch end game this saturday. 

2:  Talk about your first kiss. oh god. i was 15 and there was this guy who i thought was cool. he was a friend of my very gay crush at the time. me and the crush had a falling out later on. and a lot of other fucked up shit happened around that time period. i moved to his (the friend's) neighbourhood as it happened. we got talking because we had the same taste in music. and my best friend at the time put in a good word for me. i didn’t think of him as much more than a friend tbh, but my life was going to shit and i wanted to get out of the house ad have fun. so we organised to meet up at our town’s centre shopping place. i told my parents i was going with [insert random female names here] to hang out since we moved into a new place. they bought it and offered to drive me. i honestly thought we were just going to chill out and eat food. i was also nervous that this was a set up from his friend who was my crush, since the crush hated me and probably would have plotted to do something fucked. however, it turned out not to be a set up. we ended up walking around the suburb. this was much to my disapproval, because i was not very fit and had a strong dislike for exercise. he could tell i was tired and we decided to stop and sit down on this brick wall thing at the corner of a street. there was some terrible flirting on my part, and the next thing i know i was kissing this guy. i was pretty excited because every 15 year old girl wants their first kiss. and especially edgy ones who needed a distraction. i came home with no lipstick and chapped lips. lucky my parents were too busy to notice. 

3:  Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for.  most intense? i could list best friends, but in terms of intensity i think it would be this guy that i moved out with for the first time. i know this sounds terrible, but he was my best friend’s boyfriend at the time. i was pretty sure i was a lesbian at the time and i’m also not fucked up. so i wasn’t expecting this at all. because of the whole gay thing, and me being a flirty shit with anyone, i ended up very shamelessly flirting with him. he was sooo pretty, and im not just saying this. objectively, he is still probably one of the best looking people i’ve ever seen. and i own mirrors. anywayyyy, i took my sister to this lana del rey concert one day. not a lana fan personally, but borns was opening and i like him. turns out i like borns a lot. a hell of a lot. next day, i found myself talking to my best friend and her boyfriend and being like “hey i think i might be bi”. their reaction can be quoted as “oh cool okay.” the night after the concert, we got drunk. not a great idea, because i love to flirt when sober. so when i’m drunk and have literally 0 shame it’s a lot of fun but also an entire disaster. my friend bought her friend over and they were talking, which left me and the bf. the boys started teaching me self defence and were doing the whole smooth thing where they stand pressed up behind you and move your arms for you. they put me into headlocks and taught me how to get out and stuff. i was so drunk the ground kept spinning. a lot of terrible outrageous flirting ensued, like choking, touching adams apples, arm tickles, hugs that lasted 10 minutes while he had a knife in his pocket for whatever reason? more hugs like that but now featuring grinding. we slept in the same bed (just slept. nothing else. don’t get too excited). cuddling while in the same bed. laying on his chest and falling asleep. him playing with my hair. one time he played with my tiddies. this was over the course of like 9 months. whenever we werent 2 seconds away from like ..... jumping each other, we were just flirting in the most unsubtle way. obviously nothing happened, because he had a gf and everything. and as much as i didnt want to, i started to get some reeeeeal feelings. turns out the guy was a dick who only flirted with me whenever his gf wasnt paying attention to me. i later cut the whole thing off, and he started to act like a real dick to me. but yeaaahh. that was some intense shit. 

4:  Talk about the thing you regret most so far. probably not getting a license for any vehicle. that’s held me back so much the last 5 years. i wouldn’t have had to go through half the shit i did, if i could just drive

5:  Talk about the best birthday you've had. my 15th birthday! i had raspberry chocolate bullets, watched movies in class because it was end of term, my friends bought me presents to school. the guy i had a crush on came to where i was sitting and sung a song to me in front of everyone. i think my friend bought me a club penguin membership? i ate pide and played league with crush and crush’s crush.

6:  Talk about the worst birthday you've had. my 18th. i don’t want to talk too much about it because im very drunk atm but basically, i was suuuper depressed already that year. my mum was doing cocaine every spare second she could, and screwing men for it so she could get it for free (of course, none of us knew this at the time). whenever she wasn’t doing coke she was screaming at everyone for like, not taking pictures of her enough, or for eating dinner without asking her, etc. she and my dad were constantly either yelling at each other, or were 2 seconds away from yelling at each other. we went to a clothes shopping outlet. which i very outwardly expressed my hatred for, btw. my mum got mad because my dad told her not to look at clothes, because it was my 18th. my mum didn’t talk for the rest of the time we were in the shopping centre. i could feel the tension rising because they were in the 2 seconds away from having a fight period. i came home and watched sailor moon in my room alone. later my parents brought a cake and lit the candles. dad said to me “my god i am so sorry. this has been the most amazing birthday, hasnt it? you should thank your mother. she’s just the best. i’m so sorry! i never wanted this for you”. and, you know, my coke fuelled mother just screamed her lungs off and gave it right back to him. and my aries dad just yelled right back. and the candles were lit in the dark room and wax was dripping onto my chocolate birthday cake. and i hated chocolate flavoured cake. and i just wanted to run away all day because i knew this was going to happen. and they couldn’t even hold it together for me? or for my 18th? so i just sat there and cried as they screamed at eachother. i blew out the candles and ran into my bedroom and watched vines in my room. the end! :D

7:  Talk about your biggest insecurity. honestly, i don’t have a lot of insecurities. i have a lot of fears, but not insecurities. i guess i’m insecure about my body in certain places. i have a scar from an operation i had when i was 9 and it makes my stomach look chubby, but only on one side? it’s out of proportion and weird. and i have violin hips. 

8:  Talk about the thing you are most proud of. honestly, it’s so simple, but i’m really proud of still being alive. i thought for sure i’d be dead by now

9:  Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. i love my back! it sounds weird, but i have a rly nice waist and my back is sooo soft and smooth and it goes in at the waist and its so nice to touch and look at. and i have really nice and toned legs. and my arms are getting toned now too because my work makes me carry a lot of heavy stuff. and my baby sister is getting bigger and i’m usually the one to hold her. and i have nice hands too. but my favourite thing is my face and hair.

10:  Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had. oh god. not going into much detail about this at all because i spend like 3 or 4 years crying about this. it featured: 2 best friends of mine who i had been friends with for 10 years; my crush at the time; random people off the internet i’d never met before. like i said before, i was a 15 year old with a lot going on. maybe that didn’t make it okay for me to be as annoying as i was, but it’s done now. they all got into a skype group chat together without me. and call it paranoia, but i call it intuition. i knew they were all shit talking me. i could tell there was something up for a while now. they all started changing their online profiles to something that very clearly mocked me, they started making posts about me, and posts that were clearly parodies of my posts. and i sort of went along with it because i dont like to stir up much trouble. but the posts just got worse and worse to where it was like ‘you were so weird and creepy’ and calling me names and stuff. honestly, i can’t even remember anymore because i spend a while blocking it out. but it was pretty mean. but it hurt more because there were all the people i was closest to, all saying fucked up shit about me. and then random people who lived in my city who i didnt know. after the fight ended, we never spoke again. but i spend the next 2 years afraid that i would bump into somebody from online in person and they would recognise me, and the whole thing would happen again

11:  Talk about the best dream you've ever had. tbh i dont remember a lot of my dreams. i usually have nightmares anyway? i think i had a dream i could fly and had like magic powers and stuff. i was 8 or something and it was fun. 

12:  Talk about the worst dream you've ever had. after i moved out of my parents house, i had a lot of nightmares about my mum. again, i don’t remember specifics because i tried to block out the memory, but i remember feeling terrified, and then waking up relieved to remember i was out of there. after that, i started smoking weed which meant no dreaming which was good

13:  Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. i haven’t had like..... sex sex yet. i’ve been almost raped a few times? skfsdkjfl that sounds so cringey. but yeah! i dont know though, i imagine i’ll probably be super drunk for my first time. or maybe high. they make me more confident than usual. and for some reason i dont really like the idea of sex when im sober. i don’t think i’d be willing to be vulnerable with someone unless it was in a circumstance like that, maybe. and i’d be sure i wouldn’t have to see them again later on unless i wanted to. that way if i embarrassed myself, it wouldn’t matter. it would just be a terrible memory no one else would ever have to know about. 

14:  Talk about a vacation. i want one of these answers to not be about a fucked up memory of mine but i ...... truly can’t recall something? i guess there was a christmas i had when i was a kid (maybe around 8 or 10) and i’ll leave out the fucked up bits. but i stayed with my mother’s family and my grandmother owned a holiday apartment thing which had a pool and my uncles had horses and i got to see everyone and my uncles were super funny and let me play video games with them.

15:  Talk about the time you were most content in life. there was this period for about ..... 3 months in my last year of high school just before i graduated. all my assignments were over, and my major works were all finished. i was just putting the finishing touches on them. and all i had to do was study for exams. i got into the swing of school. and my friend got her license so she used to drive us places after school and we would hang out and do dumb shit together. i didn’t care what anyone thought of me because i knew i wouldn’t have to see them again in 6 months unless i wanted to. the next time was this few months after i’d just moved out of my parent’s house. probably 4 or 5 months. i had been dreaming of having my own place for like, my entire childhood. and i finally did! and it was with my best friend and this guy i really liked. and all i did was go to uni for a few hours a day. and then that was it! my time was all my own to do whatever i wanted with. i didn’t have a lot of money but i was so so so happy. i used to take myself to the movies. i was in walking distance of a train station and uni. so i could go wherever i wanted, whenever i wanted. i just felt so free

16:  Talk about the best party you've ever been to. the first part of my house-warming party was probably the best. i got really drunk, and someone’s mum brought weed so i was reeeeeally drunk and then reeeeeally high. i was dressed in the cutest outfit and a few people were flirting with me. actually, i think i made out with like 3 different people that night. and my friend bought me flowers! which i loved because no one had ever bought me flowers before. and we went to the park and i was so high and drunk and the little swing ride i was on felt like a rollercoaster. 

17:  Talk about someone you want to be friends with. hmmmmm to be honest, i’m trying not to make friends at the moment. i have a lot of other stuff i need to focus on. and having friends only leads to disappointment and heartbreak. i have a few friends i’ve accidentally made, but i’m trying to keep my distance from them so that we’re just ‘friends’ and not ‘good friends’ or anything like that. but secretly, i do love them a lot. 

18:  Talk about something that happened in elementary school. me and my best friend at the time were doing a school play about mary the saint (i went to catholic school). there were 3 of us: me, my best friend, and some guy who didnt have friends so we let him in our group. anyway, i wanted to play mary, but for whatever reason, this dude reeeeeeally fucking wanted to be mary. he started like yelling and stomping and being like “NO! i want to be mary!” and then just as he stomped his foot, a branch from a tree fell right on his head. and, without missing a beat, my friend goes “well, that branch hit you on the head so now you can’t be mary” and i laughed my ass off and he cried 19:  Talk about something that happened in middle school. omg these are all going to be funny stories because why not. so this one time in like 6th grade, we had to use calculators to do some complex maths work. and there was this one calculator that kept fucking up and giving the wrong answers. i  knew enough basic maths at that point to know that the calculator was faulty. anyway so me and my friends gave it to this other kid just to punk him a little right. turns out he didn’t realise it was a broken calculator and he finished his work and handed it in to the teacher, and proceeded to get in trouble sjlfsorerjlksjr

20:  Talk about something that happened in high school. omg so in high school i did this multimedia class. so we would film events like chapels (i went to a christian high school) and assembly, etc. and what we filmed would go on the big screens for everyone to see. kinda like a concert. and anyway, one time this kid got in trouble in front of everyone, and my classmate did this dramatic zoom on our multimedia teacher as he stormed out of the auditorium, dramatically walking out to get the kid in trouble

21:  Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. oh so this one time after i finished school i started going through rough patch #2 and i just needed a friend to talk to. and this guy from school was sort of the only friend who kept checking up on me and inviting me out places. and i liked that. i didn’t always have enough energy to do stuff or talk, because, depression. but i appreciated the fact that he cared. never thought much about it. until one day, we hadn’t spoken for like a month and he tells me suddenly that he has feelings for me. and of course, that’s so sweet and i did love the guy. but i wasn’t in the headspace for a relationship at all. i really just needed a friend. and i felt so terrible

22:  Talk about your worst fear. my worst fear ever? it used to be dying. but i think now it’s just having to go through what i went through again. my worst fear would be being a child again and being at the mercy of others and having to rely on them. my worst fear is trusting people and having them completely fuck you up. again and again. and not being able to do anything about it because you need them. 

23:  Talk about a time someone turned you down. hoo boy. i was 15 and made friends with someone on the internet who turned out to go to my school. developed a crush on him, but he was very gay. i ended up telling him for whatever reason. and that went just about the way you’d think

24:  Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

i don’t know. most people don’t know what they’re talking about when they give me advice. and i’m not saying that to be arrogant, but just most people haven’t been through much and not to sound self-pitying but i’ve been through a lot in a short amount of time. these are just facts here. so i don’t really believe what people say. i used to have this friend who was and will probably always be the only person who could ever make me laugh. genuinely. it felt like soulmates, but i was like a kid. but we had exactly the same sense of humour, and she was so witty and quick and would always have the best comedic timing. i really admired her and still do. anyway, one time she called me effortlessly funny. and that meant a lot then and still does now. 

25:  Talk about an ex-best friend. i just did, but sure. i’ll keep talking about her because i’m already thinkig of her. i’m pretty sure she was a capricorn rising. she had this really deadpan humour and it was always hilarious. we were friends since we were 4 years old. and i dont think i appreciated it as much as i should have at the time, but we really did grow up together and in each others arms. she was very cool and closed off and serious. and i got to see her funny and silly side. but what was even cooler than that was that i got to know her emotionally. she had a twin, and looking back, i don’t think her twin even saw as much of that as i got to. we used to have talks about anything and everything. you know those people who you can stay up all night laughing with and talking to and it doesn’t even feel like it’s been 10 minutes and all of a sudden the sun is coming up? but it was so effortless and fun and. yeah. it was like that. i still haven’t met anyone like that since. we later had a falling out and i met her again after like a year but we both had our walls up and that’s sort of when i realised how much we really trusted each other. you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone kinda thing. 

26:  Talk about things you do when you're sick. complain. bitch. complain some more. i usually buy nasal spray because having a blocked nose is SO ANNOYING. and otherwise, i don’t mind being sick too much. like obviously it’s not ideal but you do what you can. if i’m truly annoyed with being sick, i just sleep so i don’t have to be awake to deal with it

27:  Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body. i love girls tummys and waists

28:  Talk about your fetishes. idk i like some light bondage, light choking, a biiiiit very much maybe potentially kinda into rapeplay, and spanking is fun

29:  Talk about what turns you on. most of what turns me on is like dom/sub power dynamics. im into scanarios that have a looooot of sexual build up and tension. it’s pretty much foreplay for me personally. especially if it’s like flirty banter or implications, and dirty talk can be fun if done right. 

30:  Talk about what turns you off. absolutely not into anal at all. complete turn off. not at all into the thing where people get off on girls acting like kids, or people who think fucking someone who is asleep is hot. idk i like most normal shit tbh. anything else is probably weird for a reason

31:  Talk about what you think death is like. i think it’s probably the most painful experience you’ll ever have physically. and then everything goes black and that’s it

32:  Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. i remember my childhood house’s backyard. it was massive and had like a step in the middle where the grass changed levels. there was a swingset with a slide. and for the majority of my childhood my parents were doing renovations, so there were lots of holes in the backyard that we used to dodge. we used to catch lizards and i used to collect bird feathers. and at the very back, right in front of the back fence, my parents planted little trees and chillis

33:  Talk about what you do when you are sad. i immediately find the fastest way to be alone. i immediately listen to music. i drink or smoke or get high on something. or i try to make myself laugh if i’m at work and can’t do either of those things. if i can’t make myself laugh, i try to talk to a customer and pretend to be happy hoping that whatever they have to say will distract me from whatever i’m sad about. 

34:  Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured. eugh. every year i somehow get sent to the hospital because i can’t stop vomiting. i dont know how because its always for different reasons. but i always end up puking an excessive amount on an annual basis. the worst pain is when you can’t stop vomiting, so your stomach just cramps and cramps and cramps and you vomit but nothing happens and it just cramps again. it’s literally worse than period cramps. and mine are so bad.

35:  Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. having anxiety. i overthink a lot which doesnt help either. the thing is that i studied psychology, and i still don’t know how to stop myself from being so anxious. like i know how much it affects my work and stuff but i just can’t stop feeling like i’m about to die at any given second.

36:  Talk about your guilty pleasures. drinking, drugs, smoking, im not even guilty about those. idk. to quote niall hora- i mean pink, i’m not guilty about any of my pleasures

37:  Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. an old best friend. different to aforementioned best friend. we were friends for 6 years. not as close as the other one, but close as i’ve been to someone since. we were both depressed and going through stuff and both flirted with each other just for shits and gigs. idk. i think we really only bonded because we were both depressed and suicidal and having someone else around who is going through the same stuff makes everything so much more bearable. once i stopped being depressed i stopped being as close and as in love. but at the time, it was really nice and beautiful, we truly could talk about anything together. i could have opened with “i love being dominated in bed” instead of “hello” and she would have just rolled with it. we used to dream about the future together and hold hands and hug. idk. we used to just hang out together and there was never any pressure to do anything or be anyone. it was just us being our dorky selves.

38:  Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. goodbye stranger by supertramp reminds me of above mentioned friend, two of us by the beatles reminds me of first mentioned best friend, and i love her by the beatles reminds me of this friend group i had for 10 years. princess by shortstack reminds me of this friend i had for a few years who i almost had a thing with because i knew she liked me but neither of us ever said anything. 

39:  Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier. i wish i’d have known that it’s not a good or admirable trait to be so open with people so quickly. you shouldn’t immediately show people that you trust them or like them, and you definitely shouldn’t get so excited about things for them. it makes you look naive and they will definitely just use you.  i wish i’d known to get my license earlier i wish i’d have known what weed was like earlier. it really would have helped me out a lot.

40:  Talk about the end of something in your life. the end of high school was really hard. i know a lot of people hated high school. and i did. but once i got to my final 2 years, i had this confidence that comes with being older in school and it was really nice. i love the routine we had and the forced structure school made you have in your life. i enjoyed mucking around with teachers and that feeling of starting assignments before they’re due. being at school was nice because i mostly kept to myself and was generally well-liked. so i had this big support system that got me through a lot. and school ending meant that the support i had also ended. and then i had nothing and nobody and went through so much and had to be alone for it all. the end of school coincided with the worst period of my life #2, probably because i was at home to experience a lot more.