#star wars fans swear they know everything about the franchise and that they know better than the actual writere

[djarinsyndulla]

Need everyone saying Sabine being trained to be a Jedi makes no sense, that Dave Filoni is breaking consistency and acting like he’s ruining lore to read this and SHUT THE HELL UP. Just because YOU personally don’t like an idea/concept does not mean it’s bad writing or wrong, you just don’t like it. You can say you don’t like something and go instead of trying to vilify writers because what they wrote doesn’t line up with your own headcanon.

[spongebobafettywap]

Well... I actually stumbled on the Star Wars X X-Men Fanart you're referencing about a week ago and, after reading the real X-Men parody of it, feel completely robbed of how much of an interesting plot it could have been...

Because what we actually got in Sins of Sinister is Mystique and Destiny leaving the mutant island after the latter foresaw Sinister taking over the whole thing (+ Earth and other worlds) 5 WHOLE years before shit hit the fan and... They both completely ditched Rogue. Throughout the 3 issue series that continuously features Mystique and Destiny, neither even mentioned her by name. As far as we know? She ded

Beast for the past 4 years has been entirely rewritten to be an irredeemable villain, worse than Sinister from what the writers explicitly tell us. He's still team bad guy here

Nighcrawler was mostly caged and incapacitated throughout the whole event. He's out of the loop for any crossover because none of his friends or biological family ever came for him

Gambit, like Rogue, is non-existent in this plot. Otherwise, he would have taken the spotlight from Sinister and his clones or Storm and the mutant team she's been hanging out with this whole time instead of her longtime friends or Nightcrawler's half a dozen spliced clones or Destiny

The parody is one issue set 100 years in the future and features longtime characters like Storm + X-Men's Darth Vader counterpart... Destiny wearing a new weird outfit

That's it

Where's Mystique? Well she showed up for a 3 panel flashback in that issue before croaking in a battle that didn't matter. Destiny warned her but Mystique was fed up with being cooped away in a cell (?!?) for the past century by her so she decided to leave for what she knew was her death instead of staying any longer with Irene. She's the only one to die amongst a team of newbies and for the rest of the event, the only sight we get of her is a flashback of Destiny crying over her corpse (which didn't even look bruised in its Snow White like glass coffin)

The plot was that they (Storm and Destiny) need to now look for the macguffin to reset the timeline back before Sinister took over because... Mystique was dead. That's Destiny's only motivation to participate in this plot and yes both her and Mystique could have prevented shit hitting the fan this whole time but didn't

The story ends with Storm killing Destiny (which she saw coming but whatev) to not reset the shitty timeline because look at all the people who were born during it and the nation she built (completely disregarding the threat Sinister was as he kept expanding his conquest on the galaxy even magic worlds like Hell) and then getting a power boost to teleport everything and everyone away before dying

Results: Needs more Polaris and fan content is my only canon from now on

Yeah that fan's concept of a X-men Star Wars is way better than anything Marvel would do with it, I kind of guessed that would be the case even if they didn't do what they did its like you can count on them to mess a concept up. I swear Community has a similar vibe to what X-men SHOULD be with a ensemble cast of characters doing various things sometimes parodying movie plots. Marvel should have taken notes from their Star Wars homage.

So what you're saying is they're turning Beast into Dark Beast? Seriously? Why are they trying to make almost every X-men member a Supervillain? most of them are REFORMED Supervillains. Great job missing the point of your own franchise Marvel! hahaha.

This all sounded like a major mess really.

[yourfavouritetragedy]

I was adding onto the DSMP Actor AU post, but it turned into Wilbur musician AU, haha rip me, and I only know SBI anyways so here’s a separate post. (It goes back to actor AU at the end.) It’s hypothetically still in the same universe though, and obviously inspired by it. If anything’s phrased weirdly, it’s cuz this was originally an addition to that. 

tbh I kinda adhered to their IRL careers too much compared to the OP but whatever it’s fine. 

Also frick the “Dream SMP” for not having a better title lmaooo

Wilbur is an indie artist really on the come up

Your City Gave Me Asthma was pretty good for a first release, popular with both new fans and fans of his acting.

He had starred in a short mystery/thriller-ish series that started off disguised as a normal sitcom: Chilly in Lincolnshire {Editor Wilbur ARG}

It had a prominent release because of Jack Massey’s involvement and previous fame, but production was abruptly scrapped before it tied everything up with a bow on top, so to speak. It’s still unclear if this was actually planned in order to tell the story the way they way wanted. 

Even before that, critics had mixed reviews, either applauding the storytelling and acting or calling it “irrationally confusing, an amateurish attempt to box unconventional storytelling into a conventional medium.”

Also SootHouse was a sitcom that achieved a cult following during the two seasons it ran before cancellation. Either you’re a fan or you’re never heard of it, and people constantly forget Wilbur was in it. 

(He was a few other old shows on his resume too. Wilbur always focuses on the newest project, so everyone always forgets about what he was in before.) 

Maybe I Was Boring EP was initially just bonus tracks on his website, but his fans liked it so much he gave it a wider release

In between, he had a few comedy songs go viral on youtube. Everybody was so confused when they realized it was the same Wilbur as musician/actor Wilbur. He laughed about it in an interview, saying “How many Wilburs do you know?” 

That’s when it came out that “Wilbur Soot” was actually a stage name. (”Ha, fair, only one.” “Make that zero-- my name’s not really Wilbur.”)

He kinda disappeared after that?? Didn’t do anything, really inactive on social media. It was semi-confirmed that he was both working on his mental health and prepping some stuff (music, auditions).

But anyways he just released a series of singles, combined into Digital Love {E-girl trilogy}-- he’s transformed his image yet again, but this time he does take ownership of all his past ventures.

The release of Digital Love bridges the end of SMP Earth and the beginning Dream SMP. 

But before that there was MCC and the other stuff.

They are shows where celebrities team up do stuff-- you know the type 

but Minecraft Monday is still inexplicably Minecraft Monday. Some Youtuber just managed to get all these up and coming celebrities to play a Minecraft tournament. 

And that’s where the Sleepy Bois (minus Tommy) met IRL so that’s where they meet here. 

SMP Earth, like Minecraft Manhunts, is also a former show they were on. I’m going to call it World Domination. Don’t @ me; I know that’s trash lol. 

They and the Dream Team met up because of their shared fanbases and were even talking a crossover, but it didn’t really work that well for the stories so they scrapped it

They make a non-canon cross over episode anyways {no IRL equivalent, I think}

Everybody loves the cons. Everytime there’s a con, five friendships are made and eight ideas are created. 

Techno backstory time

He’s done a lot of long running, though not exactly popular, serials and sitcoms: Blitz, Survival Games, and Sky Wars. 

Winstreak: 1000 {Bed Wars 1000 winstreak} was so popular they made a second season, but it never got as big as the first. He worked nearly exclusively with Hypixel Studios. 

He was doing lots of random content for their new Sky World universe {Skyblock} -- the small studio was big on experimentation -- , when a fictional documentary, The Great Potato War, went proper viral. 

They made two sequels WHILE he was doing those celebrity team challenge shows and then World Domination, and they were actually good sequels.

Got a reputation for being shallow and a sell-out, but he makes a joke of it so much he gets away with it and constantly self-promos.

Also a kinda scary to work with for the first time because of how single-minded he can get, but once you realize how socially awkward he is it’s okay.  

Now that’s he’s in a lot of stuff with worldbuilding, he practically has the wikis memorized. 

Tommy mainly did limited series and movies before World Domination, where he met the SBI.

He’d had been a fan of Wilbur for a while, and was super star-struck at first, but got over it really quickly in his Tommy style

He still is a total fanboy at concerts and whenever a new music video drops. “I’m friends with the guy! I know him, Wilbur Soot!” “Tommy, you’re famous too.” “Yeah, cuz I’m practically in the video!” “No--” 

Wilbur takes Tommy to one of his concerts and he’s so hyped the entire time, especially to go behind the scenes and on the stage. 

Sometimes he gets stressed about the pressure of being a child star, but Techno, Philza, and Wilbur promise to stand by him and they make him feel protected 

One time Wilbur’s drunk and almost hands Tommy a drink before swearing and going, “You’re a bloody child! You can’t have that! God, what would Philza think?” Tommy’s not sure whether to be relieved or disappointed. 

Philza laughs at the story and actually lets Tommy try a little in a more controlled, responsible situation. Tommy texts his mum first, and then hates the drink anyways. (”This is rubbish! I am a man, but I’m not drinking this!” Techno: “Alcohol is disappointing. I drink orphan’s tears instead.” “Techno WHAT--”)

Philza had been the star of a zombie apocalypse show: Golden Core 

He did canonically die to a child zombie in the movie version. Yes, they made a movie version of the TV show, because the Golden Core franchise actually has had many other shows {other hardcore series}. 

Everybody tries to get the child zombie props near him because of that (they’re puppets)

He’s done a lot of other things, like in the original actor AU post, but none of them came close in popularity. 

He gives the rest of the SBI the knowledge he’s gained from being in the biz for so long. 

There’s also a running joke about SBI meaning “Spy Boys Incorporated” and them starring in a comedy spy movie

The fans would very much actually like this to happen. There’s so many fanons for it (maybe I’ll write one....) 

Back to the DSMP. Maybe I’ll call it Dreamland or smth. 

Wilbur constantly asks Tommy if he’s okay after any difficult scenes

Especially when they were hanging out together a lot in the exile arc.

All the brother scenes were cut because Wilbur kept breaking down and crying in them.

Sometimes people actually ask Techno and Tommy if they’re actually brothers. Tommy tries to go along with it half the time on the basis of “it’s be funny,” so there’s a subset of casual fans that genuinely don’t know. 

After Alivebur was killed off, Wilbur was going to leave the show to concentrate on his music

But he missed the SMP and hanging so much that he just showed up on set one day saying “I’m a ghost now,” and everyone just rolled with it

Alivebur was so popular that, seeing that Wilbur was willing, they decided to bring him back for Season 3. He’s been avoiding doing heavy scenes, but he still seems really invested and like he wants to come back to the show.

Wilbur talks with Techno about writing and lore a lot

it’s one the few times Wilbur actually seems like the older one

Wilbur attempted to get a D&D group going in the cast, but the show was already close enough, with the amount of improvisation they can get by with

Tommy’s Pigstep cover happened, but the background was Philza clapping barely in time with just Wilbur on bass instead (and of course Techno’s “BAHP”s)

It was a charity stream. They had put on their costumes (clothes only) for a previous goal. 

This one was simply called “We rap.”

Some people were almost disappointed that Tommy was the only one actually rapping, but he was so funny it made up for it. 

Okay I spent the whole morning on this and it got way too long but I think I’m finally out of ideas. sorry haha hope you enjoyed! ^_^

[drowninginblox]

Thrown into It

Part: 1,2,3,4,5, 6, 7, 8

Part 9: Titles at Momo’s

How the fuck did I get here? We were just going over math damn it. Why did we have to train my powers? It’s not like I’m gonna be a pro hero! I’m not main character material after all. Have you seen what I'm packing? All bone and fat. No muscle to this bitch. “Y/n! Cmon! Keep your head out of the clouds!” Ochako called from the front. I can only nod my head and try not to faint. Right now me and the main character gang are walking to Momo’s house. Apparently this is an impromptu sleepover. Momo told us that she’ll cover everything we needed so now we’re just walking. Don't worry the cast dragged me to the local train station before hand and Inko was cool with this somehow. What even is this? “Y/n? Are you alright?” I hear before Tenya- fuck I mean Iida nudge me. It’s so weird acting like a stranger to people you already know. “Oh, um.. Y-yeah just a little.. I don't know how to explain it? Anxious?” I try to look at him but his straight laced demeanor and overall physic is intimidating in itself. “There is nothing to worry about though! Surely Midoryia has told you that we are trustworthy!” He declares while chopping his hand around. I try to hold in my laugh but fail miserably. “Did I do something funny?!” He shouts defensively while chopping more. Fuck its just as funny in person-. I feel eyes fall on me as I just keep laughing. “I-oh holly crap- fuckin give me a minute holy shit-” I takes deep breaths while the group mumbles something about me being weird. “S-sorry- Just.. The fucking hand chops kill me- you remind me of C3PO..” I whip a tear from my eye but when I focus back on the group they all look clueless as to what I was saying. “Um.. Y’know? Star Wars?” I prompt but all look just as clueless. Does this universe not have star wars? “What's that?” Tsuyu asks with a small kero. I couldn't only stare. “Just the greatest movie franchise to grace the planet! Yknow- fuckin-” I cover my mouth and inhale deeply. “Luke, I am your father!” They all glance at each other. “Y/n is it something from your home?” I feel my eye twitch but give up. “Yeah it is, and it's amazing.” I sigh. “What might it be about?” Tokoyami asks. His eyes widened at my overwhelming joy. Midoryia chuckles and smiles along with me. “Now you did it-” Before tonight Izuku made the mistake of asking me who my favorite hero was.

The rest of the journey was me basically explaining all of star wars to them without giving the major spoilers. At some points they had to smack me since in my excitement I was babbling nonsense. Ochako, Tsuyu, and Momo seemed to be the most invested in it from what I could tell. “Does the princess ever go home?” Ochoko questions. Momo interrupts me with a pointer finger. “There it is!”  She announces at the sight of the gates. She runs up ahead of us and speaks into the microphone. Not even two minutes later and the gate opens up to us, two white golf carts not too far behind. “Dude how rich are you..?” I mumble into the open air. She only laughs. I turned to Ochoko, then to Izuku, both of whom shook to the core over how long the driveway was. “My goodness! You have golf carts too Yaoyorozo?” Tenya acquires when two while golf carts pull up to the gate. The fuck even is this bull shitery? “Only for when I’m lazy.” She defends before hopping on the back of one of the carts. We all follow suit and within a few minutes we are in front of a behemoth of a mansion. “Welcome home everyone!” She cheers. The carts come to stop at her front door and holy fuck I am too intimidated to move. 

Everyone gets out of the carts while me and Ochoko take in the sight that is Momo’s home. It was larger than my house, that's for sure. It was also weastern, made of what looked like marble with stone accents near the front door and side of the house. The windows were large and peaking from the roof were two brick chimneys. “Are you two going to stay there all night?” Tenya called with what looked like a cocky smile. “Oh shush Mr. My brother is a pro hero!” I called playfully. His cheeks flashes a bright red and turns to Midorya while I slowly get up, help a dazed Ochoko in the process, and make my way to the front door. Izuku was mumbling about every small detail while Tsu and Tokoyami were notably quiet through this whole ordeal. Momo turned to us and smiled. “My mother and Father are out of town, visiting friends and the likes, so we have the whole house to ourselves!” She rings the doorbell and not even a second later, it opens to a maid. I could feel my face heat up at the sight of any of the main characters in that outfit like that, even though it wasn't that revealing. “Y/n are you okay?” Tokoyami asks about my flushed face but I just cough it off. “Oh my! Are you catching something?” Momo asks before turning to the maid. “Please get them some hot chocolate and hot tea! Also prepare my room with extra blankets, clothes, and pillows.” The young woman bows before walking away from us. “You didn't have to-! I'm not sick!” I tried but I was silenced by Momo rushing to me and covering my forehead with her hand. I jumped at how close we were. “You're burning up! C'mon! You can have a guest room.” She makes some medical masks for the group but Tsu backs me up. “Momo I think you’re overreacting.. Kero.” But she doesn't stop to hear reason, only dragging me through her maze of a house and shoving me into a room. “There should be a maid coming. Once she’s here she’ll give you something to wear.” And before I could say anything she closed the door. What the fuck. Why the fuck. I thought this was the training arch not the filler episode. I swear to god if one of the boys walks in on me changing I will murder. 

Thank god that wasn't the case. A maid got me some silk jammies and directed me to another room. It wasn't until I walked in did I realize it was Momo’s room. And holy crap was she a hero fan damn- I’m talking hero’s of all shapes and sizes. Ethnicities and races. Genders of all kinds. Some of the posters were black and white while others were neon and vibrant. All were framed and signed on the wall parallel to the door. “Holy-” I started but Momo caught me. “Y/n! It's good to see you out first!” She says just loud enough from her king size canopy bed. Her bedroom- in length- was the size of me and Midoryia’s rooms connected and then some. On the wall to my right were instruments, a desk, and cubicles for storage while the rest of the room was empty. Well scratch that, there was a rug. But it was small and a bright white, a needed contrast with the equally white was and dark floors. “Yeah.. um.. How do you know my size..?” I ask while motioning to my pjs. She laughs lightly. “Cmon! Come sit on my bed!” OKAY just leave me in the dark on that creepy fact then. Wordlessly I wander to the bed and take a sit right beside her. “So Y/n, tell me about yourself.” I glance up at her and play with my hair. “I'm not that interesting, trust me.” She waves a hand dismissively. “Oh please! There must be more to you than your quirk! I know I’m more than mine!” She assures. I kick my legs and think for a moment. “I'm a big nerd. I love fantastical worlds, and possibilities that probably won't happen. For better or worse.” I say with a nervous chuckle. “Really?” She asks. I nod and humor her. “YEah- I uh.. I write, draw, sing, creative stuff mostly. But I don’t think I’m that creative honestly.” She loosens her posture. “Well then, prove it!” I jumped at her request. “O-Oh um- I don't think-” 

“Madam, the other guests are ready!” A maid calls after a knock. Momo sighs “Let them in then!” With that the maid from before lets in the rest of the group, all in t-shirts and pajama pants/ shorts. Aside from Iida. He has a classic set of pajamas and a nightcap to go with the ensemble. “Thank you so much for the pj’s Momo!” Ochoko says with a smile, rushing up to us and hugging her in gratitude. “Oh it’s no problem at all.” “What were you guys talking about kero?” Tsuyu prompts. “Oh-” Momo starts but i cut her off. “Oh nothing interesting!” She glances at me and lightly slaps my arm. “Nonsense. Y/n was just telling me about their hobbies. Apparently they write and do art!” Tokoyami perks at this. “What do you write L/n?” I scratch the back of my neck “Ahahahaha- wouldn’t you like to know..” Tenya’s eyes narrow. “Certainly nothing unsavory? Right Y/n?” Fuck his glasses are reflecting light- f u c k. “Oh nooooo! Nothing like that. Mostly self indulgent romantic crap, some angst-“ Izuku gasped. “Y/n! You write angst!?” Of course Midorya’s the only one who knows that I’m talking about. “Strange. Why is your face a rose then?” Tokoyami teases. His tone says otherwise but that knowing glance is dangerous. “Ahahahaha- Tokoyami you jokester-” I get up close to him and say through my teeth. “You cant out me like this man-! Not here!” Over my shoulder I hear Ochoko laugh. “You remind me Jiro-chan, Y/n. She always gets flustered like this when she’s embarrassed.” I back up from Tokoyami and turn to the group. “Wait what?”

“Oh! You don't know Jiro, but she's so smart and talented.” Ochoko says. “Oh yeah, I know her.” I say casually but when I see Momo’s eyes widen I try to recover. “Me and my dad saw her on the TV. Y'know during UA’s annual sports festival. She had dangles on her ear lobes right?” I scratch the back of my neck for a moment to sell it. Thankfully Momo took the bait because she slowly nodded. “That’s her. She is very smart. Don’t underestimate her when you meet her.” Tyu nods. “What was her score on the midterms?”  Midorya hums for a moment. “I don't remember if she told us, but she was up there in ranking..” Before Izuku could go on a mumbling tangent, Iida inquired on the subject. “Seventh in class ranking I think.” The group hums in agreement before turning back to me. “What were you on about before Y/n?” I think a moment before remembering. “Oooh!” I snapped my fingers. I exhale a little at my idiocy. “I just forgot that you guys use titles normally. I was just a little confused.” Tenya’s glasses brightened in the light. Crap. “Shouldn’t you have researched on Japanese culture before you came to Japan Y/n?” He gets up close to me as he says that. “Uhh well.. yasee- I was kind of in a rush to get here and I don't have a phone anymore.. My dad thought it would be a great idea to take away my phone before I go to a whole ‘nother country soooo..” Great job Y/n. Nothing like feeding into the idiot father trope. Dad would be so proud of your creative genius. “And I've been so busy with school and my room..”

“Wow.” the group mumbles. “YEeeeah.. Not the brightest bulb.” I mumble dryly. “Well, surely we can teach you a few things.” Midorya counters. “No one is hopeless unless they don't bother to try! And you want to try don't you?” He says with that signature baby boy smile. I laugh a little at that bright fire in his eyes. That want to help is gonna make him a great hero one day. “Of course! If you guys can teach me that is.” I looked over at the group. Collectively they nod. Que the anime montage.

I was woken up by Midoya at twelve. Am not pm mind you. Momo was kicking us out. “I’m sorry! My parents just called and said they were on their way back home as we speak!” She defended sadly as me and Midorya were finishing up getting our shoes back on. Apparently because of my sleeping habits, Midorya had to watch all of his other friends leave until it was just him and Momo alone in her house together. “Dude, it's okay. Calm down.” I said with a slightly worried smile. Midorya was patiently waiting for me outside with a new duffle bag of his clothes for the night before and some new ones that Momo gave him this morning. “It was an honor staying here for the night Yaoyorozo-sama.” I say with a bow once both my shoes are on. She gasps, a light blush covering her cheeks from the title. But she smiles nonetheless. “It is an honor to meet you too, Y/n-san. And please, call me Momo.” She says with a smile, bowing after. We both rise and I smile back to her before walking out the door. “Y/n-chan, what took you so long?” Midorya asked. “Nothin. Just telling Momo thank you. And chan? Really?” He laughs. “What? Don't like being babied?”

“Oh screw you.”

[thatalfredpennyworth]

Dragon Ball Super Broly Review

Oh god, it's happening, BROLY NOW OFFICIALLY EXISTS IN THE DRAGON BALL UNIVERSE!...*sighs* BRING IT ON! *Spoilers DUH* For those of you who don't know a year ago I watched Broly the Legendary Super Saiyan and found it to be a hot mess. It had a weak and bland villain, over the top dialogue, even in the context of DBZ, and after it happened, I decided it was by far the worst dragon ball z movie I've ever seen...at least it was until I discovered another Broly movie that was even worse. And then came movie three which is without a doubt the worst one. Then this movie came along and it is a Broly movie once again meaning I have to review it. Now I was going to review Quest For Camelot but trust me that atrocity is coming later. This is Dragon Ball Super Broly This is without a doubt THE BEST Dragon Ball Z movie of all time! Quick Note For Families: You don't have to be a fan of Dragon Ball Z to enjoy this one. When I came into the theater, I saw a wide variety of people there and oddly enough, there were a lot of young kids in the theater that fell in love with this movie. Honestly, for a Dragon Ball Z movie, it's surprisingly something that would be pretty appealing to all age groups and even all genders. Most of the DBZ movies are definitely fans only but this one gives viewers enough backstory that you can just jump right in and enjoy it. That said though if you are considering taking any little ones with you, please keep in mind that there are some scenes and characters that sensitive viewers may be uncomfortable with but it really depends on your kid. I honestly don't believe in the Focus on the Family bullshit that if a movie has this many fight scenes or this many swears that it's (in the words of Mermaid Man) "EEEEEEEEEEVVVVVIIIIIIIILLLLLLL!" because it really depends on your kid. Most kids should enjoy it ok, all the kids in my theater loved it and most of them were little girls. I know several people on twitter who have told me that when they were kids back in the toonami days, they were afraid of Vegeta who I would say at this point is a kitten compared to some of the newer characters. Just know your kid and if they can handle all the action, they will have a great time on the adventure. Let's just say, if your kid can handle Star Wars, they can handle this fine. And Now On With the Review: Broly as a Character: When I first came into this I admittedly in some ways got what I was expecting, but in all honestly, there were plenty of surprises and interesting choices made here. In the original story, Broly was not only extremely powerful but he was a violent ball of rage who could not say anything other than his infamous "KAKAROOOOOOOT". He was pretty bland in the original story and was just kind of there to be the huge boss fight. In some ways, he was a bit of a big lipped alligator character. Here Broly is more of a Quasimodo type character, someone who could do some serious damage if pushed far enough but is a misunderstood gentle giant. Yeah, we've heard this story, it's Ferdinand the bull but with saiyans though what they do with it is surprisingly compelling and actually kind of relevant to the way some conservatives go too far when parenting children who don't necessarily fit in with social standards. In that case, the Frollo of this story is Paragus. He's a complete asshole who's constantly nitpicking and micromanaging his son because of the fact that he was born with an abnormal CP. He doesn't let Broly speak unless he's told it's ok, he calls Broly a danger to others, refuses to let Broly pursue his own interests and even hooks him up to an electrode device...I'm not kidding, that's in the movie. Gee, where have I seen this kind of parenting before...Oh yeah, the F%$king Judge Rotenberg Center treats their students EXACTLY like this! For those of you who don't know, there's a video on youtube of a news reporter visiting this place to find out if hooking mentally divergent children to shock devices is an abusive practice. In this video, she meets a young girl named Rachel wearing a shock device on her arms, neck and legs which is hooked up to her. Rachel seems to be calm but refuses to speak. The reporter asks to see the shock device remote and as soon as the aid pulls it out off a belt on her waist, Rachel tries to back away, moans and starts to cry. There's a scene in the movie that actually goes almost EXACTLY like that and for some people, it could be triggering. What's interesting about what they do with Broly is the fact that there's some animal motifs with his character being likened to domestic dogs, ,more specifically, bully breeds like pit bulls and rotties, dogs that have some of the strongest bite forces in the animal kingdom but are in general pretty gentle animals that don't attack unless seriously provoked. We even see that at one point Broly had a pet that was kind of like a space dog. Paragus of course wanted Broly to be a fighter so he considered the "dog" a distraction and shot its ear off. Broly decided that he'd keep the animal's ear pelt as a makeshift blanket to wrap on his waist in order to remember his pet. Broly is also socially awkward, shy and even a bit emotional when he finds someone he trusts, that person being Cheelai. Broly does not want to be a soldier for Paragus but would rather live a peaceful existence on Vampa, of course Paragus disapproves of this and forces him into Frieza's army to which Frieza can manipulate him more. Broly is not fighting Goku because he wants to, he's fighting because he's been provoked far enough by his father and Frieza and cannot control his suppressed emotions. He's a complex social outcast who cannot control his own power yet and just wants to have a friend or two in his life. This Broly is 1,000 times better than the original and there were moments when I was actually crying. This Broly is a reflection of real world child abuse and for a dragon ball z movie, they tackle the abuse of divergent children by parents and teachers rather realistically and thoughtfully. Cheelai is not a peer to Broly, she's a legitimate friend and what comes out of their bond is really heartwarming. I can say this, you will end up rooting for him and smiling when he gets to pursue his own life in the end. Positive Elements: The rest of the cast is also pretty well put together. We see character development from almost everyone, and yes, even Frieza has several moments of this. Goku and Vegeta are the highlights of the movie besides Broly and are just a ton of fun to watch. Goku's got some good one liners, Vegeta's got some softie moments and of course, the fight choreography BLOWS the rest of Dragon Ball Z away. This movie's fight scenes kicked ass and no expense is spared here. The animation is superb and is without a doubt, the best in the franchise. I'd even say it reminds me of Don Bluth animation, it'd gorgeous to look at and although a bunch of craziness is flying at you, it looks amazing. The backstory on our saiyans is also well thought out and executed. We meet Goku's parents, a loving saiyan couple that sense something is up with Frieza and want to save their son by sending him to Earth. We meet Vegeta III who's an ableist power hungry jerk, and we get to see plenty of other new saiyans with distinctive personalities. Everything is connected in this story and it really shows how hard they were trying to write a thoughtful and compelling piece. We get to see plenty of amazing new locations, some excellent backdrops and get more insight into what makes these characters tick. The humor in this is also some of the best in the franchise. We had people in my theater cracking up when Goku and Vegeta left Frieza to deal with Broly for an hour while doing the fusion dance. There's even a nice little message about being who you are which is really nice to see out of a dragon ball z movie. The musical score is also pretty well done. Unlike any other dragon ball z movie, the score here is more orchestral and feels theatrical. The Gogeta transformation is absolutely perfect and is everything fans of Gogeta were hoping for. The final fight is just phenomenally animated and really blew  me away on the big screen. Also, the fact that they chose to let Broly live on as a friend to the main cast with more adventures to come for him is a positive way to further the message of the movie. The way this movie is executed is near perfect and serves as an experience that both fans of the show and newcomers can go and enjoy. What can I say, this movie is a fun and emotional popcorn flick that will leave you on the edge of your seats and cheering for our main cast. Nitpicks: There are definitely problems as with any movie. I'd say the biggest one is the waist of Beerus as a gag character. This is the friggin GOD OF DESTRUCTION and they reduce him to a throwaway gag early on. They also don't do a lot with Whis and that was kind of disappointing. We do finally get to see Whis in combat but it's blink and you will miss. Also, Frieza has lost a lot of his intimidation at this point. I'd say he's more of a troll than an evil emperor and his purpose in life is now just to mess with Goku rather than blow up his planet. It gets some good laughs but it feels out of character. These are the only true problems I have with the movie and honestly, these are really just nitpicks and not true criticisms. I really can't find any real faults with this one, and that's saiyan a lot The Verdict: Rarely do I consider a movie, let alone a dragon ball z movie, in the ranks of classics like Star Wars and Close Encounters, but Dragon Ball Super Broly truly deserves to be recognized as a cinematic classic in its own right. I hate most of the dragon ball z movies with Wrath of the Dragon and Battle of Gods being the only ones I really liked. This movie BLOWS all the previous films away and for me, even surpasses the entire franchise. New risks are taken here, more challenging topics are talked about, and our characters are more grey rather than just black and white. What makes this movie truly spectacular is that it can reach an audience beyond the fanbase. I saw people of all ages in that theater and I'd say about half the theater was non fans interested in checking the movie out for a popcorn flick night. I've only ever given a standing ovation in a theater to Star Wars VII, Coco, Arrival and Black Panther. Dragon Ball Super Broly is now on that list of films I've stood up clapping for. The visuals are stunning, the characters are multi dimensional, the story is near perfect, the music gave me goosebumps, it's a masterpiece of science fiction. I'd tell you to go see it, but let's face it, you probably already have. This is one super saiyan sized flick that will leave you cheering and asking for more. Story: 10/10 Characters: 9/10 Animation: 10/10 Rating: 9.5/10

[brothermouzongaming]

E3 2019 overview

I wanted to take the time to look at and talk about some of the games we’re more than likely seeing at the conference. E3 is...dying and it’s misleading trailers don’t help, but despite this, the show is still important and at least gives us a little insight into what may come in games/tech. So let’s cross our fingers and dive in. I’ll be focussing more on main titles and not DLC and updates. Available footage will be linked in the corresponding title.

Avengers project (Crystal Dynamics/ Square Enix)

It feels like ages since the teaser for the Avengers project dropped. Since then I have been trying to keep my hopes high, I even thought it was canceled for a time when we heard literally nothing since that trailer. I know nothing about this game, but I just hope Crystal Dynamics and Square are treating something this big with the care it needs. The last thing Marvel, more importantly Disney, want is another Battlefront 2 situation on their hands. If Square can incorporate their over the top combat style to the Marvel universe, it could be amazing, incredible, invinci- okay I’ll stop.

Borderlands 3

Getting back into Borderlands just before the big press release was very serendipitous. Something about this made me even more excited for some of the additions coming like loot instancing, slide/mantle (finally), secondary fire weapons, more diverse and varied play spaces, and a lot more. So many of BL2 and the Pre-Sequel’s flaws are glaring with me having played them recently and to see the long-awaited title addressing these exact issues so comforting when I get to thinking about this next adventure into the wastes. It isn’t some massive leap forward or anything, it’s more Borderlands and there’s nothing wrong with that to me. Finally, an online optional looter shooter that isn’t some strange mmo lite, long live the king. Randy Pitchford is a weirdo but I’m not gonna hold that against the devs lol.

Cyberpunk 2077

This is more than likely going to be my game of the show. E3 is typically full of surprises and anything can happen but in all honesty, I just can’t see much coming close especially since we aren’t seeing Death Stranding (thattrailertho). I was literally giddy when they released the gameplay trailer that they showed press and influencers and the FPS RPG looked very good but not unrealistic. Recently it’s come out that the game is “pretty different” from that showcase and that statement interests me as much as it gives me pause. Regardless, we are going to be seeing more of this game with CDPR claiming they’ll have an even bigger presence than last year. I just hope that we get solid gameplay footage and not buzzwords and theatrical trailers.

CoD 2019

Black Ops 4 came out guns drawn and it really impressed at first. Since that time Activision has found a way to completely reverse the conversation around BO4 and where the franchise is headed/ is as a whole. Activision needs a win, and with this being their main and essentially only franchise it has to be big. The rumor is that it’s Modern Warfare 4 which would be a “soft reboot” if that is the case. If not this year then next, I’m surprised it’s even taken them this long so hopefully all this time will lead to something good. Honestly, I’m shocked we’re still getting annual releases of this game. I don’t forsee CoD lasting much longer and this tug at our nostalgia may be a sign of that. 

Destroy All Humans (THQ Nordic)

I spent so many hours with my friend Walter terrorizing the meat bags between the tools the game devs gave us and some gamer creativity that was a relatively new aspect of gaming compared to nowadays where player creativity is often an aspect of gameplay. THQ has reported something insane like 50+ games in development which...sounds like a stupid choice but if this is one of them it’s definitely going to get people’s heads turning. Can you imagine what they’ll be able to do with today’s tech? They don’t have to go crazy but then again for the sake of a concise vision but...maybe they should?

Dino Crisis (Capcom)

Let’s talk more about old ass games I’m completely shocked could be coming back. So in light of Capcom bringing back past titles and breathing new life into them, it is reported that Capcom is looking to bring back...Dino Crisis? I swear to god if they make Dino Crisis before Viewtiful Joe and Onimusha? POWER STONE ANYONE?? I’m more than willing to suspend my meh-ness because Capcom has proved that not only can they bring back an old game we love, but they can do it damn well. If this is true, then maybe there is hope for some of my favorite Capcom titles from the past but mother of god why Dino Crisis?

Doom Eternal

Doom 2016 was one of the best first-person shooters I’ve ever played. “Smooth as butter” isn’t something I would use to describe most games but god damn if that game wasn’t lubed up before they packaged it because it’s damn slick. So imagine the stiffy I got when that gameplay was dropped and mobility was increased. Can we talk about the grappling hook shotgun? The new demons and takedowns to dispatch said demons? God knows what else is under the hood for us to find out when it releases let alone when they talk about it during the conference. A more open level design in tandem with the conventional “kill room” here and there is gonna really spice up the combat especially if exploration is properly rewarded. Rage 2 was a disappointment but I do have hope this is gonna live up to the hype the way it did the first time.

Gears of War 5

Lawd Microsoft needs a win. This is quite clearly their attempt at a blockbuster event like God of War was for Sony. Everything about the trailer screams “Oscar bait but for games” and I hope they do the damn thing. Make me sad I don’t have an Xbox dammit! This could be a big step for Gears and could even lead it down a more character focussed design. The world of Gears of War is rich for a deeper explanation, and I know that isn’t what Gears is known for but I won’t be told that they can’t do both. It appears to be heavily cinematic though gameplay can be seen in the trailer above. It seems interesting and I hope they really make something worth owning an Xbox for. The fans deserve it.

Halo: Infinite

Did I say Microsoft needs a win from the software perspective? Cause they do. The Xbox One is fine, the One X is a huge step up and is the most powerful console but there are next to no exclusives for this console. Ya know, the reason why you buy a certain console outside of interface and services. What better way than to bring back the most successful franchise Microsoft has associated with. There’s talk of it having an open world which is jarring initially especially when the history of Halo is rich with environments that tell stories alongside the mid-range combat. If they can properly expand that baseline to fit an open world format, it’ll be amazing. Whether or not they can is the question.

Harry Potter: Magic Awakened

Warner Brothers does a great job of shooting themselves square in the foot. They just put on the finest shoes money can buy and BAM queue the red kool-aid fountain. Shadow of War is the pinnacle of such stupidity with the way the monetization completely bankrupted the integrity of the game. The brief footage that was up involved a third-person real-time action reminiscent of the original games. Warner Bros. jumped on the trailer takedown but it’s safe to say the cat is out of the bag and casting spells in the kitchen. This could be a unique adventure involving a custom character, it could involve something more directly related to the books. Anything is possible but if we heard about it this year it wouldn’t entirely surprise me.

My Friend Pedro

A twin stick shooter of a different kind. Imagine stranglehold but cartoony, John Wick but even more comic book like. It looks like the entire game is going to be centered around ballerina jumping through levels and enemies leaving every enemy in your wake riddled with bullets. It seems light, fun, and self-aware in it’s silliness which can lead to the most fun type of games.

Session

Oh boy, SKATE was my jam back in high school and if you’re anything like me you’ve been waiting for the next game/ literally anything like it to come along. Session appears to be that game, we weren’t told a lot when it was revealed so I’m hoping that E3 will lead to some more information on gameplay and ya know, a release date. 

Star Wars: Jedi Fallen Order

Anthem is in shambles and in my opinion, it’s this year’s No Man’s Sky. Between the games they put out, and the Star Wars games they put out (or don’t put out depending on your perspective); this does not bode well at all. Respawn is working on the project and their track record is very good, but I can’t help but worry about what EA is planning. They always find a way to put their hand directly into a project and do exactly what needs to be done to ruin it. Sometimes that’s on the front end in development and planning or lack thereof, and sometimes it’s on the back end with moving devs to other projects/ not hold their devs to the post-launch promises they tend to make and not fulfill. This story of a padawan in hiding after Order 66 is ripe for gameplay development and storytelling. So long as Respawn has the vision and can execute, all we need is for EA to stay the fuck away and let them work. We’ll see.

honorable mentions: Ori and the Will of the Wisps, Vampire Bloodlines 2, From Soft and George R. R. Martin collab, Fable remake, Rocksteady’s Suicide Squad, Wolfenstein Young Blood, Afterparty, Beyond Good and Evil 2, Bleeding Edge (Ninja Theory’s new game), Last of Us 3 (v hype just not a lot of info)

[0ragingblueberry0]

Hello! Here, Internet, have a list of Good Content For When Ur Brain Is Filled With Goblins! (with CWs bc I been there, fam)

THIS IS SO LONG IM SORRY

Podcasts: 

My Brother, My Brother and Me: 3 brothers give bad advice. (CW: it’s a wild card, fam. Generally swearing/sexual humor. )

Wonderful! : One of the previous bros and his wife talk about things they like. 10/10 warm n fuzzy.

The Adventure Zone: The same bros and their dad. Listen. these bros. are just Real Good. Dungeons and Dragons Podcast. They ignore most of the rules. (CW: swearing, sexual humor, cartoon violence. Like it’s not a cartoon, but i can’t think of a better term than cartoon violence?)

No Such Thing As A Fish : British Fun Fact Podcast. Good for distractions and background noise. 

YouTube Channels/Series:

Good Mythical Morning : Comedy morning show. In case you need some dads, here’s two. (CW: eating a lot of gross food. Otherwise v family-friendly)

Dances Moving by Brian David Gilbert : this is a series of 7 videos comprising a fake dance class that is hilarious and also strangely emotional. Please watch it. It is so good. (CW: maybe some swearing?)

Danandphilgames : Listen. I am trash. and I know this. but they have a very good gaming channel. and I can’t be the only one who is comforted by Dudes With Genuine Healthy Friendships. (CW: Dan swearing. Dan S C R E A M I N G. Dan.)

JunsKitchen: Japanese guy (married to an American woman) teaches you how to make Japanese food in the most satisfying way possible. Also he has the best cats. 11/10 soothing. Also his channel with his wife about living in Japan, Rachel and Jun, is very good. 

TV/Movies

Star Trek: ya know, star trek. My mom grew up watching it with her dad, and I grew up watching it with her. It might not have the same ~deep personal meaning~ for you, but I’ve always found it very comforting. I think the franchise has a very optimistic vision of the future, which a lot of sci-fi doesn’t. I’d say the most approachable series is The Next Generation, if you’re a newbie. Reboot movies are v good, too. All the series are on Netflix, and the reboot movies are on Amazon with Prime. (CW: Space wars and aliens and stuff)

The Great British Bake-Off: y’all know about this. Just a bunch of British people baking stuff in a tent and being kind and supportive of one another. Incredible. On Netflix.

John Mulaney stand-up specials : y’all are tumblr, so I know you know about him too. Relatable, generally wholesome, non-problematic comedy. And there’s 3 of them on Netflix. (CW: cussing, sexual/drug humor)

I’m also gonna throw Queer Eye into the category of “Y’all been know”

The Good Place: A show about a mix-up in the afterlife. Very funny and the show is always 85 steps ahead of you. There’s no gore or anything. Death is more of a setting used to talk about philosophy and what makes a good person. Also they make so many deeply, deeply accurate jokes about Jacksonville, FL (CW: Death)

British Panel Shows: I always end up watching these when my brain isn’t up to exploring. They’re like game shows but all the contestants are British comedians. My favorites are QI, Would I Lie To You?, and The Big Fat Quiz Of Everything. In the U.S., I find the best way to watch them is on YouTube. Also good for background noise. (CW: swearing, sexual humor)

Psych: a comedy show where a dude pretends to be a psychic to help solve crimes. It’s good for people like me who love crime shows but also hate suspense. Based on personal experience, I wouldn’t have watched it on my worst days, but I enjoy it now as an alternative to shows that are supposed to be spooky. It’s available on Amazon Prime video. (CW: crime, violence, death, sometimes suicide)

Books: 

The Long Way To A Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers: A very Queer space adventure. It’s similar to firefly in concept, but without all of the darkness and evil and sudden but inevitable betrayal. Also I just really need it to become a fandom so I can waste more time on this site.

Turtles All The Way Down by John Green : I’ll admit, I’m not the biggest John Green fan, and while this is not my favorite book of all time or anything, I really appreciated its portrayal of OCD and anxiety in a very real, but not over-dramatized way.

If At Birth You Don’t Succeed by Zach Anner : A very funny memoir about life with a disability that is very encouraging without being a self-help book. 

I’m A Stranger Here Myself by Bill Bryson: observations on American life by a dude who has lived in England most of his life. I blame this book for my Dad humor. 

Twitter Accounts:

Thoughts Of Dog : it is the thoughts of a dog. and his adventures with his human. and his stuffed fren sebastian. his feets. are a tippy-tappin. 

Lin-Manuel Miranda: He wrote Hamilton. He also writes good morning and goodnight tweets that are very encouraging. They have also now been adapted into a book called GMorning, GNight! 

Apps To Play While You Panic:

Gerrymander: a game where you literally just gerrymander voting districts. In a very satisfying, though morally reprehensible way. 

Amazing Katamari Damacy: Basically an app version of Katamari Damacy, where ur a lil space dude who rolls stuff into a big ball so ur dad can turn it into a planet. Or something.

I Love Hue: a game where you sort jumbled-up colored squares to make a pleasing gradient. It also plays soothing music and gives you confusing, but very nice compliments when you win. This app literally got me through a panic attack on a train at night in a foreign country, which is about the highest marks I can give anything. 

Go forth and fight ur brain goblins with a sword. 

[tigerlover16-uk]

GO JUMP OFF A CLIFF, TOYOTARO!

Okay, so the latest super chapter is leaking on Twitter. I haven't seen scans of the whole thing yet, but someone who has them has confirmed most of what happens in it.

You want to know what happens? You ready?

Kale in her berserker state goes around and eliminates universe 4's fighters and Obuni, the last fighter from universe 10, causing both universes to be erased. She fights Anilaza and beats him, meaning bye bye universe 3. Nice not getting to know you.

Kale also eliminated Magetta and the u6 namekians while she was at it and ends up getting into a fight with the Pride Troopers. She gets thrown off at some point, but Cabba sacrifices himself to save her ala Android 18 saving 17 in the anime. Kale and Caulifla fuse, and the chapter ends with GOHAN deciding he's going to fight super saiyan Kefla BY HIMSELF!

Hahahaha... hahaha... ahahahahahaha.

You know... I kept joking for months that Toyotaro was going to have Kale casually eliminate a bunch of the other universes. But I was honestly joking, because as incompetent as his writing has been, I honestly, truly didn't think he was THAT STUPID and LAZY!

I guess now I know better.

So, out of the other universes it's just Kefla, Zirloin's trio from universe 2, and the Pride Troopers left (I still don't think any of them have been eliminated)

And we're not even 10 chapters into this stupid tournament. Come back next time to see Gohan inexplicably defeat the fusion of two super saiyans, one of whom proved stronger than golden Frieza and ssb Goku, even though Gohan hasn't been shown to have gotten any stronger than he was in the Buu Saga since Toyotaro skipped his training with Piccolo and hasn't bothered to give Gohan any actual character moments up to this point and he hasn't had a real fight with anyone, just a minor skirmish which suggests he's just barely a match for THE TRIO DE DANGERS.

Because the manga has MUCH better power scaling than the anime, isn't that right Toyotaro fanboys who keep bashing the anime! Bet in this version Gohan will get Ultra instinct, then the Gohan Blanco meme can be Canon at last (oh yeah, Goku still hasn't started to tap into that, so Ultra instinct omen clearly isn't going to be a thing here).

Oh but who am I kidding, he's probably just going to have Gohan tickle her into submission and then Frieza will blast them both off the arena, and then the rest of the chapter will be Vegeta defeating universe 2 and every Pride Trooper that's not Jiren and Toppo, while Roshi just trips on some rubble and falls off the edge himself. You heard it here first, folks.

What, I was right when I joked he was going to eliminate a bunch of the other universes during Kale's rampage. Tell me all of that's not 100% within the realm of possibility, too!

I just... I could go on deconstructing why this is garbage, and I will later, but... I'm just very tired.

And I legitimately have seen people insisting this means the manga version is now leagues better than the anime version again too!!

That's what really grinds my gears about all this. People bashed the anime version of the arc to no end, and yet there are people who legit want to lecture me about how this piece of hot garbage that has done EVERY! SINGLE! THING! WORSE! Is SOMEHOW the superior version, and how Toyotaro is some kind of creative genius and Toriyama needs to f### off and let him have full creative control over the Dragon Ball franchise, because everything he does has been SO MUCH BETTER than anything those worthless hacks at Toei ever managed to cough up.

I've spent two years of my life defending the Dragon Ball Super anime. I've had to relive my experience as a Star Wars prequels fan listening to everyone nitpick it to death, call it an abomination that ruins Dragon Ball forever and that anyone who defends it is an idiot with no taste. I've had anons coming at me time and time again hurling all kinds of insults and accusations at me for liking it, accusing me of not being a "Real" fan of Dragon Ball.

And now not only do I have to see this mediocre fan artist and bad fanfiction writer make an absolute mockery out of the story and screw up everything that I loved about the anime... but people are unironically out there defending it as superior to the anime.

I want to bang my head against a wall until I lose consciousness, I swear to God.

And I betcha people are just going to be writing me off as a hypocrite because of all this and say I have no right to complain. Hahaha.

If anyone needs me I'll be playing Pokemon. I might talk more when the translations are out, but right now I just really want Toyotaro to be fired and replaced already. I've had enough.

[aion-rsa]

Star Trek: Ranking the Stories Set in the Present Day

https://ift.tt/3Eu4Xd0

So the new Star Trek: Picard trailer has dropped and among the big plot twists it revealed are the fact that Picard & Co are going to be travelling back to Earth, circa 2022 AD. We’re looking forward to exciting scenes of people from the 24th century being unable to drive cars (despite the pretty lengthy car chase we saw in the last episode of Star Trek: Lower Decks), Q and Picard sparring again, and wondering how Guinan fits into all this. My personal theory is that after her adventures with Picard and Mark Twain in the 19th century, Guinan decided to stick around on Earth, eventually posing as an actor called Whoopi Goldberg.

This is far from the first time Star Trek has travelled back to the present day – even if “present day” is pretty broad for the 55-year-old franchise. We have no way of knowing why the series keeps returning to this setting that doesn’t need the manufacture of any new props, sets or costumes, but it seems like a good time to look at when Star Trek has done this before and ask “Who wore it better?”

6. Assignment: Earth

This episode would prove to be a particularly tricky one for nearly every single time travel episode that has come since, in that it shows time travel for the Federation is so easy and routine that the Enterprise can just nip back to the Cold War to see why we never Great Filtered ourselves out of existence. Unfortunately, in this episode Kirk and Spock don’t get to see much of 20th century Earth, or indeed do much of anything.

‘Assignment: Earth’ was conceived as a backdoor pilot for a new series about Gary Seven, a human bred and raised by aliens to act as a secret agent on Earth and protect us from our own capacity for self-destruction. This means Kirk and Spock’s role is little more than to sit around and say “Wow, this looks like a great idea for a television show!”

Still, I can’t help but wonder about a Star Trek franchise in the parallel universe where its first spin-off was a spy show set in 1968.

5. Carpenter Street

This episode of Star Trek: Enterprise stands out because it is perhaps the only episode on this list where they decided the present day should be filmed any differently from the space future. The lighting, the camera work, the whole episode feels much more like Angel, or a cop show from the period than the Star Trek style that had been uniformly adopted since The Next Generation.

Usually when Star Trek comes back to our time it is to take us on ‘a romp’, where people point out Starfleet uniforms look like pyjamas and the crew go around misunderstanding pop culture references. This, however, feels like Star Trek invading a much grittier show.

Unfortunately, you can tell that this is a network science fiction show trying to show how adult and gritty it is, because within the first ten minutes of the episode we see a sex worker abducted. Maybe one day science fiction shows will find a way to show that they are proper grown-ups without a drive-by or disposable sex worker character appearing in the first ten minutes, but ‘Carpenter Street’ is not that show.

The other thing Star Trek’s forays into our century do is emphasise how far humanity has come, or still has to travel. This is where ‘Carpenter Street’ really falls down. Because this was Enterprise’s dark, post-9/11 Xindi storyline, we see Archer literally beat information out of someone – not for the first time in this season. It’s a scene that highlights everything that’s wrong with this version of Star Trek.

It’s also the bringer of bad news, as at one point T’Pol asks about fossil fuels to be told that “It’s not until 2061 that…”

The sentence is left incomplete, but that sounds like bad news for our 2050 emissions targets.

4. Tomorrow is Yesterday

This is Star Trek’s first trip back to the 20th century, and it sets the rules for so much that comes later. Agonising about changing the future, having modern day characters remark on how silly everything is, Star Trek characters being taken prisoner and taking the piss out of their interrogators. The formula is refined in many ways from here on, but the ingredients are established here.

It also establishes, as ‘Assignment: Earth’ later confirms, that any ordinary warp-capable ship can perform a manoeuvre to travel forward or backward in time at will, a plot device most of the Star Trek canon has heroically stuck its fingers in its ears and shut its eyes to avoid.

The main reason this entry doesn’t rank higher is that the action is almost entirely confined to US military bases, denying us the fun of seeing our favourite Starfleet officers wandering around our day-to-day world as if it’s the Planet of the Week.

Read more

TV

Star Trek: Enterprise – An Oral History of Starfleet’s First Adventure

By Ed Gross

TV

Star Trek: Picard Season 2 is an “Encounter at Farpoint” Sequel

By Ryan Britt

3. Future’s End

This Star Trek: Voyager two-parter, on the other hand, gives us that in spades. It knows what the fans want and it is here to give you a big steaming bowl of it. Neelix and Kes watching daytime soaps? Check. Tuvok having to ensure he wears a beanie at all times? Check. Paris getting his 20th century history and slang hilariously wrong? Check. An oddly jarring turn by a young, pre-comedy stardom Sarah Silverman? Okay, maybe you weren’t asking for that, but check!

It even throws us some subtle continuity porn to argue over. In Sarah Silverman’s office we see a model of the launch configuration of a DY-100 class ship- the ship used by Khan Noonien Singh to escape justice following the Eugenics Wars that were supposed to happen in the mid-nineties.

This is more than just an Easter egg (unlike, we’re assuming, the Talosian action figure on Sarah Silverman’s desk). Over the course of the episode we learn that the entire microprocess revolution that created the world we know and love was the result of stolen 29th century tech.

Does this mean history was changed? That all Star Trek following this episode takes place in a divergent timeline where the Eugenics Wars never happened? This has some fascinating connotations that we will touch upon later in the article, and which I will explain to you at length after precisely one and a half pints.

The episode does have its weak points however – Voyager being seen on national television never seems to go anywhere, and neither does the whole subplot where Chakotay and Torres end up prisoner in a survivalist compound for a bit.

As we’ve already mentioned, there’s also a lot of agonising about how Voyager will get to the present, when we already know that they just need to whip around the sun at warp speed and boom, the series is over.

Oh, and this is an extremely minor gripe, but Janeway tells us she has no idea what her ancestors were doing in this time period – despite subjecting us to the tedium of her story in ‘Millennium Gate’ which was set only four years after this.

2. Past Tense

This episode might be considered a cheat, since at time of broadcast it was technically set in the future. However, since it (along with Irish Reunification) is supposed to take place three years on from now, I think we can say it counts.

This Deep Space Nine story is decidedly not ‘a romp’. Yes people make fun of the characters’ clothes, and Kira and O’Brien’s jaunts through history raise a smile, but more than all but a select number of Star Trek stories, this is about just how far our reality is from the hoped-for future of Star Trek.

Bashir lands some lines that hit quite a bit heavier now than they did in the nineties, from “The 21st century is not one of my strong points – too depressing” to the plaintive “How could they have let things get so bad?” at the story’s conclusion.

And while it is set over twenty years in the future from the perspective of the broadcast date, it wasn’t far off. Stories evocative of the sanctuary districts are easy to find, and as writer Robert Hewitt Wolfe says, “We weren’t being predictive. We were just looking out our windows in the ’90s.”

Only two things really mark this episode out as an anachronism. One, the technology looks painfully 90s – our technology looks far closer to the 24th century than the bulky monitors seen everywhere in this. But then again, this episode was broadcast prior to ‘Future’s End’, so maybe Henry Starling hadn’t kickstarted the microprocessor revolution in this timeline yet.

The other, far grimmer element to have dated is the idea that one innocent black person being shot by police could be enough to cause the sea change this episode says it does.

1. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

There wasn’t ever really going to be any debate over this, was there? Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home is hands down the one to beat if you’re writing Star Trek characters travelling to the present day. The film itself was something of a departure for the franchise. Rather than Robert Wise’s epic, sombre, proper science fiction in The Motion Picture, or the bombastic action of Nicholas Meyer’s Wrath of Khan, The Voyage Home was helmed by a director who would be best known for the cult comedy, Three Men & a Baby.

This 20th century feels far more inhabited than other portrayals, with screen time being given over to casual conversations between bin men, and workplace arguments independent of the former Enterprise crew.

Of course, by now the crew of 1701-no-bloody-A-B-C-or-D should be old hands at Earth in the 20th century. This is their fourth trip here, not counting planets-that-mysteriously-resemble-Earth-in-the-20th-century.

But these fish are never more out of water than they are in this film, and the results are charming. Kirk explaining swearing to Spock, Kirk observing people “still use money”, Chekov standing in the middle of the street asking for directions to the “Nuclear Wessels”, Scotty’s “Hello Computer!” and Kirk Thatcher getting nerve-pinched for listening to his own music on a ghetto blaster. Plus countless more zingers, sight gags and throwaway lines that I’m still finding new ones of after many, many re-watches.

And the cast are clearly having the time of their lives. Shatner’s comic talent was always on display, but in this movie he is really allowed to cut it fully loose giving reaction shots that make you feel bad about every time you mocked his acting.

But no matter how silly it gets, this film knows, more than any other, the point of sending Star Trek characters into the modern day. It is to show us the difference between our ideal selves and where we are – and it does it no less starkly than ‘Past Tense’. With a light comic touch, Kirk and co. encounter capitalism, the spectre of nuclear war, and most of all, the devastating environmental impact we’re having. Even if we reach the ideal Star Trek future, this film says, we could still lose things we can’t replace along the way.

Star Trek: Picard is going to have to work hard if it wants to walk in its footsteps.

Honourable Mentions

While not taking place in the present day, it’d be remiss of this article not to mention ‘City on the Edge of Forever’, which refined ‘Tomorrow is Yesterday’s formula and is just one of the all-out best Star Trek series ever, and ‘Little Green Men’, which twists the usual Starfleet-in-the-20th-century formula by having the Ferengi arrive in the 20th century and find humans far more brutal, greedy and stupid than even they suspected.

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Also, I don’t want to alarm you, but by the end of this decade we’ll be closer to the events of Star Trek: First Contact than we are to the release of Star Trek: First Contact.

The post Star Trek: Ranking the Stories Set in the Present Day appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[alixofagnia]

Get to know your fellow Reylos meme

This will be fun! Thanks for the tag @emperorren.

Answer these 10 Star Wars related questions, reblog and tag your favorite Reylo blogs to join in!

1) Who is your favorite Star Wars character of the new trilogy (excluding Rey and Kylo)?

Wow, that is so unfair because Rey and Kylo are truly my favorites from the ST so far.

Since TLJ came out, I would say Holdo. I love how she was introduced: you didn’t quite know what her deal was (or if that was all just in Poe’s head), but you gradually understood that there was way more to her than met the eye. Some people think she was a wasted character –because apparently showing up for the first time and then dying in the same movie amounts to a wasted, pointless character (Qui-Gon, hello, is that you? Rogue One squadron, are you there?). But I saw TLJ four times in the theater and every single time people literally gasped into the silence of Holdo’s death.

So, yeah, fuck off.

2) What is/are your favorite quote(s) from a Star Wars movie?

The OT movies were my “stay-home-sick” movies when I was a kid – I played the shit out of those VHS tapes, let me tell you. So, there are a lot of quotes from the OT that are just kind of pure nostalgia for me. I’m not a huge fan of the PT and since dialogue is one issue I take with them, I hardly ever quote them except to mock “she’s lost the will to live” because I find that line so problematic, and I just hate it.

It hasn’t been until the ST that certain lines of dialogue have actually resonated with me, probably because I’m seeing them as an adult. There are a lot of terrific quotes from TLJ, but I gotta let them stew a bit longer. So the two I picked are from TFA:

Maz Kanata: The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead. I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. It moves through and surrounds every living thing. Close your eyes. Feel it… The light… it’s always been there. It will guide you.

My liking this quote probably has a lot to do with Lupita N’yongo’s lovely voice and line delivery, because I remember tearing up in the theater when she started talking about the Force, and I swear to you I was not high. I just think it’s so beautifully spiritual, and when you put it into context with Rey’s journey and Kylo’s journey, or any SW character’s journey, really, it carries this deeply profound message of hope and faith.

The entire bridge scene dialogue, but mostly the moment when Han touches his son’s face:

I know it’s not a quote, but so much is contained in that single gesture.

It wasn’t shock at Han’s skewering that made my breath catch and bring a tear to my eye. It was the utterly heartbreaking grace of his final action. It’s such an unexpectedly visceral reaction and, actually, far more profound than I previously believed Han Solo capable of since he was largely a one-note character over the course of his SW career. This moment has taken on much more depth and meaning since TLJ’s release, in terms of Ben Solo’s arc, and I think it will continue to do so after Episode IX.

3) Do you think Kylo/Ben will survive Episode IX?

I have a lot of thoughts about this. Well, mostly just one.

YES.

As is obvious, Kylo Ren is one of my favorite new characters. That has nothing to do with Adam Driver, whom I had never watched before, and nothing to do with what I knew about the character, which was zero. [Srsly, I was in such an ‘I heart SW’ bubble for TFA that I did not even think about, let alone suspect, his heritage until literally the moment he was talking to Vader’s helmet.]. 

No, it has everything to do, instead, with the complex villain story-line and Byronic heroes. I love complex villainy. I adore Byronic heroes, with their tortured souls and black clothing. OF COURSE I was going to fall for Kylo/Ben. Just a bit.

But he’s also the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa and I love them, too. So, out of loyalty and like the good SW fan I am, I care about their son and what happens to him, and there’s just no hope to be found in Kylo’s death. There’s no good message in it. Even say that he’s “redeemed” or finds salvation or suffers through atonement, fine, whatever. Death is too simple. Vader was not a complex villain. Maybe in his youth he was supposed to be, but after his fall? No. He made his choice, and he chose the wrath and the Dark every day for 20 years until his son came along to rile up the long-buried conflict in his heart. No one conflicted Ben Solo more than Ben Solo himself. He’s his own worst enemy, as we all can be at some point in our lives. 

It’s repeated all the time, so I’ll say it again: 

Star Wars is a saga predicated on hope. 

The message with a dead Ben Solo at Episode IX’s end is simply that of ‘well, you can find a way back from hell, but only if you die’, and that’s really bleak. Yet, it worked for Vader because, in the OT, he was largely an unsympathetic, “more machine than man” character.

Consider: How was Darth Vader going to find salvation and atonement for 20 years’ worth of galactic terrorism and oppression?

Answer: He wasn’t. His crimes were so great and extensive that 10 minutes of “goodness” couldn’t even begin to ease them. Narratively-speaking, his story was complete and it was time for him to meet his end. Character-wise, fueled as he was on hate and anger, and sustained by machinery for so many years, you have to also wonder if Vader wanted to die, ever since the moment he was told that he’d killed his wife and, by extension, his child[ren].

This greatly contrasts with Kylo Ren.

Consider: How is Kylo Ren going to find salvation and atonement for 6 years’ worth of galactic….wait, what?

Answer: The FO as a military and political threat is fairly new. It was not a fully realized organization during the events of Bloodline, though it was (if I remember correctly) in progress in the far regions of space. Ben, aged 23, was still with Luke at this time; he’s 29 by the start of TFA. So, in the span of 6 years, Kylo Ren canonically

destroyed a temple, killing a handful of classmates

started training under a Dark side master

became the leader of a mystery group

killed an old man from his past for withholding information during war time

ordered the mass killing of a small village during war time

interrogated some prisoners during war time

committed patricide during war time

fired on his mom’s ship during war time

killed his abusive master

led a full-scale yet futile attack during war time

tried to kill a projection of his uncle during war time

all while exhibiting acute internal conflict. It’s important to consider the majority of these crimes strictly within their context of war, primarily because it’s in the damn franchise title, but also because it again contrasts with Anakin’s crimes, which were not always within the context/name of war. It’s such a different villain treatment from OT Vader that I think Kylo not only deserves, but demands an equally different resolution. 

Therefore, here’s a much more hopeful message on which to conclude the complex villainy of Kylo/Ben and, thus, the entire Skywalker saga:

You can find a way back from hell, if you live well.

4) What is your favorite scene featuring Rey and Kylo?

Ah, shit.

Well, the throne room battle was amazing and the closest to definitely-on-the-same-page as they’ve ever been to date. But I think I have to say the fourth Force bond scene. Hand making-out aside, this scene truly can be read as merely platonic, which I actually love because it’s another example of how this movie as a whole is so versatile and open for varying interpretations and discourse, for years to come! 

AT THE SAME TIME, I personally feel that the hand touch (from the skin-on-skin contact, which the camera lovingly and reverentially sexualizes, to the forbidden connotation of Cock-block Luke) sent these two really rolling on a romantic trajectory. This scene also won over many viewers, whose previous feelings about Reylo were lukewarm at best and are now overwhelmingly positive. And that’s because of one undeniable thing: 

This is the most emotionally vulnerable we’ve seen either Rey or Kylo.

It’s a major turning point in both their shared interactions and as individual characters. There’s a lot of amazing meta out there right now about Rey and Kylo, articulated far better than what I can produce. So, what I want to quickly add is that, for me, this scene reveals how utterly unselfish they can be with one another. Born from a place of intense, mutual knowing, they offered one another sincere support and reassurance from opposite sides of a political and ideological war. We later learn that this moment of reaching out yielded a shared vision, one where they saw themselves together. 

A key takeaway is that they not only acknowledge this vision as truth, but earnestly –almost desperately– welcome it.

For me, this scene alone transcends the depictions of other cinematic romantic pairings within Star Wars itself, the wider genre of sci-fi, and the scale of big-budget franchises. I know I’m biased, but it’s quite frankly unbelievable how much was established and advanced between Rey and Kylo in two and a half hours of screen time, which they had to share with two other interwoven plot lines. For comparison, we have a good 80-90% of AotC entirely devoted to Anidala, and the most I’ve ever felt for them is a tepid interest because George Lucas and the OT said I had to. Written on paper, the Force connection scenes honestly sound super corny, this one especially. That they’re actually some of the film’s strong points is a testament to the story-telling/directorial abilities of Rian Johnson as well as the chemistry and talent of Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver, of course.  And the great thing is Reylo isn’t even over! Think how much screen time will be devoted to them in IX and what they could do with that! 

This is bound to change upon repeat viewings and/or after IX comes out. But for now, yeah, this is my favorite Rey and Kylo scene.

5) What order did you initially see the saga films in?

I think I was 5 or 6 and I think it was Return of the Jedi first, then A New Hope and Empire (in that order) shortly after. The rest I’ve seen as they’ve been released.

6) If you had a lightsaber, what color would you want it to be?

Maybe like an ice white blue…I’m not much of a lightsaber gal.

7) What are your top 3 favorite Star Wars films?

I’m tentatively going to say Empire, Force Awakens, Last Jedi.

8) Which droid would you most like to own/ have as your sidekick on intergalactic adventures?

What’s that Empire/FO “mouse” droid called? Maybe that one.

9) Which Jedi master would you most like to train under: Luke, Yoda, Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan?

Pfffft. Please. Reylo, obviously.

10) What is your ideal ending for Reylo in Episode IX?

So, I really try not to look at a Reylo ending through rose-tinted glasses. Reylo is a pairing that at this point cannot be taken lightly: it’s dark, it’s deeply complicated, and it’s very imperfect. In other words, it’s an honest, unfeigned pairing and I identify with it so much more because of its mesmerizing humanity.

We inevitably hurt the ones we love; shit happens, people miscommunicate, feelings get hurt. Kylo and now Rey have exercised misguided, even manipulative, behavior toward each other and failed in basic ways to understand and accept one another’s differences despite having shared and attained a powerful moment of clarity in their way forward. People call this ship abusive; I’m not that sorry, but they’re wrong. At worst, it’s unhealthy.

Well, guess what. You can get healthy.

Since I can’t even begin to predict or shape an ending for Reylo, I would just say that I wish for them to be sound in body and sound(er) of mind, and preferably together in some way. I personally want to see that union be romantic, but I will also accept a platonic union. I love and respect these characters so much that, honestly, I just want them to finally find what they’ve been longing and suffering their entire lives for. Now that they’ve at least partially found –and briefly possessed– that, I hope they also find a way to hold on to it in whatever way they can.

So much for not looking at it through rose-tinted glasses.

Tagging:  @maleficentrox; @crez0le; @reylotea; @adambenkyloren; @paper-radio; @violet-is-maybe; @mooshygirl; @dr-porkchop1; @him-e

[esonetwork]

‘Solo’ takes flight: Disney’s ‘Solo: A Star Wars Story’ a surprisingly fun galactic heist movie

New Post has been published on https://esopodcast.com/solo-takes-flight-disneys-solo-a-star-wars-story-a-surprisingly-fun-galactic-heist-movie/

‘Solo’ takes flight: Disney’s ‘Solo: A Star Wars Story’ a surprisingly fun galactic heist movie

When I walked out of the theater after watching “Solo: A Star Wars Story” last night, I breathed a quiet sigh of relief. I was originally concerned about this film, considering it had such a bumpy ride to the box office. With behind-the-scenes drama that included fan backlash to casting choices, a director shake-up, and major reshoots, this movie could have easily turned into a cinematic dumpster fire.

Against the odds, “Solo: A Star Wars Story” turns out to be a very enjoyable movie — and it actually feels more like a heist film than an origin story (another positive, in my book). While it’s fair to say I enjoyed the other three Disney Star Wars flicks — “The Force Awakens,” “Rogue One,” and “The Last Jedi” more — don’t let the negative prerelease buzz scare you away. “Solo” is still well worth a trip to the theater.

We meet Han (Alden Ehrenreich) as a scrappy survivor on the streets of Corellia, where he’s hatching a plan to escape to a better life and become a pilot. He wants to take his childhood friend Qi’ra (Emilia Clarke) with him, but they’re separated when she’s captured and detained. Although he swears he’ll come back to free her, he signs up for the Imperial Navy and becomes, for all intents and purposes, a prisoner as well. Still, Han never stops scheming and hoping, and he eventually joins a group of criminals on a job that could earn him enough money to get back to Corellia. However, things naturally don’t go as well as he plans, and the Qi’ra he returns to may not be the same person he left.

As mentioned before, “Solo” technically qualifies as an origin story but feels like a fun heist adventure. Like “Rogue One,” this movie has a grittier, grimier aesthetic than the main Star Wars saga, and for me, that really works. I felt like I was stepping into the Star Wars criminal underworld, and I enjoyed seeing a new side of that famous galaxy far, far away. There are some really cool action set pieces, including that train heist we caught glimpses of in the trailers, and the Millennium Falcon’s famous “Kessel Run.”

I feared the final film might be a little choppy, due to the behind-the-scenes drama, but it actually flows fairly smoothly. We’ll probably never know what the original “Solo” film was going to be like, before original directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller were fired. My gut feeling is that Lucasfilm made the right decision; supposedly, Lord and Miller were trying a lot of improvisation, and it just wasn’t working. “Thor: Ragnarok” also used a lot of improvisation, and it’s actually one of my least favorite Marvel films because of that (even though I still enjoyed watching it). That technique doesn’t work as well in these types of films, at least for me. Ron Howard did a good job salvaging the film (supposedly reshooting about 70 percent of it), and I REALLY hope this movie does well enough to get a sequel. I’d love to see what Howard could do with full creative control over a “Solo” film from the beginning of the process.

There was a lot of skepticism when Alden Ehrenreich was cast as Han Solo, and the fan concern was understandable. Harrison Ford as Han Solo is such an iconic performance, and you just can’t replicate that. However, I hope that skeptical fans are willing to give Ehrenreich a chance. Once you get used to the fact someone besides Ford is playing Han, Ehrenreich does a good job capturing the spirit of Han Solo while also making the role his own. The Han we meet in this film isn’t the same Han we meet in “A New Hope”; here he’s younger, cockier, and a little more idealistic. I can see how this Han becomes the more cynical, jaded Han in the Original Trilogy.

I appreciated how this film emphasized just how important “family” is to Han, even if he doesn’t admit it. Han likes to pretend he’s a tough, “too cool for the room” outlaw, but he’ll risk everything to help the people he cares about. This character trait shines through the whole franchise, from Han going back to help Luke blow up the Death Star to finally facing his son, Kylo Ren, and giving him one last chance to turn back to the light.

As expected, Donald Glover steals every scene he’s in as Lando Calrissian. With a smooth charm and a killer sense of style, Glover’s Lando is just about perfect. It’s great to see Chewbacca get some action scenes, and it’s also fun to see Woody Harrelson in a Star Wars film. I also really liked Emilia Clarke as Qi’ra; I won’t give away any spoilers, but there are some interesting layers to this character that are revealed throughout the film.

This film has a lot of nostalgic fan moments; again, I don’t want to give away all of them, but there’s a fun play on Han’s famous “I love you — I know” moment, and Lando mispronounces “Han,” just as he does in “The Empire Strikes Back.” And fans also get some closure for the “Han shot first” debate.

There are a few of these fan service moments that are a little too over-the-top, such the explanation of how Han got the last name “Solo” (we really didn’t need a backstory for that). And overall the film doesn’t feel as “epic” as Episodes VII and VIII, or “Rogue One.” Still, “Solo” is way better than a film with this much prerelease turmoil had any right to be. We may not have really needed a Han Solo origin film, but now that we have it, I’m really glad it’s part of the Star Wars universe.

[equallyreal]

Star Wars: The Last Jedi - A Review (Part II)

I like The Last Jedi a lot more on a second watch. And on a second watch, I think I know what this movie is going for. Heavy on the spoilers this time, so don’t read if you haven’t watched it.

There’s a lot going on thematically in The Last Jedi, but there’s one particular theme I want to focus on due to it having both meta and in-universe applications: our relationship with the past. This is an especially strong theme in Jedi subplot (AKA the Rey/Luke/Kylo subplot), though it also pops up in various parts of the other subplots. The classic trilogy characters, and by extension several characters who are obvious throwbacks to them, have ties to most of our new trilogy characters. Poe has his ties to Leia; Rey has both explicit bonds to Luke by way of her seeking out his training and implicit bonds created in The Force Awakens (though more on that later); Kylo is related to all three members of the original trio and recently killed one. In addition, Rey has her parents to consider—the strongest link to her past. She may have physically moved on from Jakku in the first film, but her mind is still stuck on them, to the point that she willingly goes into a creepy dark murder hole to potentially learn their identities. Luke, meanwhile, is bound to the Jedi by way of being the last one (currently), and stuck on his own past—specifically, his own past mistakes.

With all of this in mind, what conclusion does the film come to with regards to how the characters should handle the past? And what does that translate to for the audience?

Let’s start with what not to do, a message courtesy of everyone’s favorite human disaster, Kylo Ren. He makes it clear early on that he views the past as something he should sever himself from to become his true self. That’s why he killed Han in The Force Awakens. “Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to,” he says. It’s a viewpoint that only brings him intense loneliness. Trying to kill his past leads to a great deal of inner conflict, conflict that is then used against him by our new Emperor stand-in, Snoke. When Kylo pulls off the classic Sith moving of killing your teacher, he decides, rather than moving ahead with his life and taking Rey’s offer, that the whole world needs to burn and leave him at the top of the heap. He wants to erase his past so completely that nothing is left—not the Jedi, not the Sith, not his mother’s Resistance, none of it. In his mind, that’s the only way for him to be free.

In the end, though, it doesn’t free him. His obsession with erasing his past only leads to his increased anger, his mother finally losing faith in him, and Rey closing the door in his face (literally and metaphorically). Luke warns him: If you strike me down in anger, I will never leave you. Just like your father.

And Luke would know, because in a lot of ways, he made the same mistake.

Luke went to Ach-To to die and let the Jedi die with him. He did so because of his own mistakes—mistakes that tainted his perception of his legacy, and the legacy of the Jedi. He saw no way to fix what he’d done, so he tried running, to protect the galaxy from himself. All that did was leave him alone, broken and sad, and allow Kylo Ren’s power to grow. Luke redeems himself when he finally faces the consequences of his actions—when he stops running from his past and faces Kylo head-on.

So, running from the past doesn’t work. But that doesn’t mean we have to live with it entirely, either. Kylo might be wrong in his assertion that the past should be completely burned to the ground, but that doesn’t mean he’s wrong about Rey being trapped in it. As I said before, Rey basically jumped down a creepy dark hole in the ground for answers. Not only is she trapped in the past in this regard, she’s in denial about it. If Kylo is to be believed (again, more on that later), her parents were nobodies who sold her for drinking money, and she has refused to believe it in favor of a romanticized version of her story that she created to help herself cope. Kylo tries to use her past against her, to draw on her pain and weaponize it so she’ll join him. But it doesn’t work. Rey realizes that yeah, her parents sucked, but that doesn’t mean her only option is Kylo. She doesn’t let the pain of her past overwhelm her and influence her decisions, the way Kylo does. She realizes that even if she had a shitty past, that doesn’t mean she has to have a shitty future. That moment when Rey goes for the lightsaber isn’t just her closing the door on Kylo; it’s her closing the door on her parents, so she can move on and re-join the people who really care about her (namely, Finn, whom she’s definitely in love with and no  one can convince me otherwise).

In addition to moving on from the past in a healthy fashion, there’s learning from the past. This is a path both Rey and Poe take. Rey learns from Luke; she gains the Jedi texts from him, she sees his errors, she doesn’t repeat them. Poe, meanwhile, finally takes in Leia’s lessons about leadership. More than that, he learns from his own mistakes. When faced with a situation identical to the Dreadnaught incident, he makes the right call. Like Yoda says, learning from failure—teaching from failure—is just as important as teaching from positive experience. You don’t bury the past; you examine it, you learn from it, but you don’t let it control you. You know when to let go.

So that’s what this means on an in-universe level. But what does that mean for us, the audience?

If I had to sum up this theme on a meta in one sentence, it’d probably be this line that our good buddy Master Yoda says in the film: We are what they grow beyond. This movie gives off a very strong “passing the torch” vibe through its use of subverted themes. The Force Awakens set up a lot of ties to the prequel trilogy, from characters to plot points. Kylo and Snoke are Vader and the Emporer; Poe is a dashing combination of Leia and Han; Rey has so many parallels to the Skywalker clan that Rey Skywalker could still be considered a valid theory (I swear, we’ll get to the parent question soon). The Last Jedi either expands on these ties or dismantles them in a way that moves the characters past their prequel ties and into a new story. Kylo is told, explicitly, that he’s no Vader, and promptly murders his master to leave him the last Sith standing. No more rule of two; no more shadowy old creepy dude and his apprentice. Poe’s worse traits have to be burned out of him in a trial by fire to make him a worthy successor for Leia. And Rey’s ties to the Skywalker clan are severed entirely with the reveal that her family is nothing special; she just had the good luck to be born Force sensitive, and a powerful one at that. It’s a shocking move, and I think part of the reason why a lot of people were unsure about the movie. It’s rough when one film sets up something, you think you know where it’s going, but then the next film completely subverts every expectation you had going in and leaves you lying on the ground wondering what the hell happened.

But, for me, this works.

The fact of the matter is that Star Wars, as a franchise, is moving forward. These changes indicate a changing of the guard. The galaxy doesn’t belong to the Skywalkers anymore; it’s time for something new, something both untouched and influenced by the past generation, to take over. Rey, so much like a Skywalker and yet not one, takes up the torch as the first of a new Jedi; Poe, a man raised on the legends of the old Rebellion, has to step up to rekindle its torch; Kylo Ren smashes his way out of the “Vader Replacement” box he was shoved into, becoming more fearsome and more pathetic at the same time. Finn and Rose fit into this pattern by being the new blood, a future that has nothing to do with the Skywalkers and everything to do with just doing the right thing. Like the crew of Rogue One, they are heroes outside of that story; they are the heroes the galaxy needs, and the perfect people to pick up the banner.

These people, these wonderful (for the most part) people, are growing past their predecessors. The franchise, too, is growing past them. Their legacy remains, yes, influencing this new generation and forever leaving their mark. But they are not the endgame. This new story will not reflect the old for eternity. They have planted the seeds; now the garden is growing. It’s a big change, and a bit of a jarring one after The Force Awakens spent so much time setting up these connections. But I think there’s a lot of potential here, potential to move the story past the Skywalkers, to close one chapter and open a new and exciting one for fans to come. I did very much want Rey to be a Skywalker for various reasons. But I also think there’s a lot of narrative possibility in her not being one, along with Poe one day replacing Leia, Finn and Rose reaching new heights, and Kylo reaching new lows divorced from his legacy as a Skywalker—or, even better, because of his legacy as a Skywalker, because it’s the thing that’s killing him right now. Some doors have been closed, yes, and not all of them were closed very well. But the windows that were opened could lead to something good.

Could lead. Because there is one problem here, and it’s a problem of collaboration. That is the path that Rian Johnson seems to want to take the franchise in, but he’s not the guy making the last film, and therefore, he’s not the guy getting the final say. This is the part where Rey’s parentage comes into play. The question becomes whether or not the final Star Wars film will stick to this plot element or keep it in the family. There are plenty of ways for JJ Abrahams, the guy who set up those strong Skywalker ties, to shift Rey back into being a Skywalker. Snoke was manipulating a lot of the events between Rey and Kylo, so the vision she had in the cave was likely his fault and therefore inaccurate. Meanwhile, Kylo could’ve been lying about her parents to get to her, or perhaps whatever he saw of her backstory was inaccurate or lacking desperately needed context (the film does have a strong “visions can’t be trusted” theme that could lend credence to this theory). Siths are known to lie, after all. It’d be an easy fix. So the question here is, should Abrahams have Rey being the continuing Skywalker legacy? Or should she be the one to close the door on that story, take up the torch, and start a legacy of her own?

I don’t have an answer to this, to be honest. I see pros to both sides. They spent so much time hinting at Rey being a Skywalker that I do want it, and giving the Skywalker legacy a chance to finally—maybe, this time, for good—reset into a force of good would be a nice way to wrap up the franchise. It’s narratively appropriate and I’d get a chance to gloat about having been right. On the other hand, I am also a big fan of the passing-the-torch narrative, of giving another nobody from a nowhere desert planet a chance to shine, of letting the franchise move past Skywalkers and into the future.

In a way, I guess this is a win-win; no matter what is revealed about Rey, I get a good result. But I do hope that Abrahams considers following up on some of the plot threads created in Last Jedi, instead of course-correcting them into whatever it was he had in mind when he wrote Force Awakens. Rian Johnson created a lot of potential. It’d be a shame for it to go to waste.

[gelatomesomeironqrow]

So I finally actually watched Star Wars the Rise of Skywalker and like, I'm still a fan of Star Wars. Literally nothing can change that. It's a great franchise and played an integral part of my childhood.

I get where everyone is upset over how this recent trilogy played out. I feel the same in certain aspects. Disney playing it safe and avoiding making FinnPoe official for one. But considering the amount of hate they got over the writing direction for the first two movies, I can kind of understand why... not saying I agree with it. I think the actors are correct to voice their complaints over the movie.

This post isn't going to dive deep into the writing. I'm not about to bash people who may or may not have had a role in the overall direction. These people worked hard to stay true to Star Wars, they worked hard to give the fans something beautiful to love.

While everyone's headcanons maybe different from mine. This is my blog, so I will talk about my headcanons. As such, for me it has always been Reylo and FinnPoe.

So while I could talk about these two ships for hours and the good and the bad of each, I won't. But I will just say this:

The Skywalker name seems to be cursed in a way. The men all love too strongly and as a result they can be drawn to the dark side just as fast. Anakin being the strongest example I have of this. His love for his mother and for Padme combined with his fears of losing the two led him to Palpatine. Luke who in the books had a lover by the name of Mara Jade, led to his decisions being intensely motivated by her. In the movies, they didn't go that direction, instead it was his love for the Jedis that led him to abandon everything after one single failed attempt. Ben Solo, who didn't have the Skywalker name but was in fact Skywalker blood, was doomed from the start. With Luke's teachings being iffy with Luke fearing how strong in the force Ben was, could see that pull to the dark side. Ben, upon not having the support and trust he should have had in his mentor and uncle, turned to Snoke. Who surrounded him with that support and trust he wished he had had with Luke. But it was his attraction, connection and eventual love for Rey that pulled him back to the light side.

Which makes it ironic that his grandfather was pulled to the dark side by Palpatine and Ben was pulled to the light side by Palpatine's granddaughter. A beautiful sordid love story. While I wish he had lived, I respect his choice to sacrifice his remaining life force to save Rey.

Which brings me to another point, those two's connection that Snoke claimed he created, was another sort of beautiful. I loved Padme and Anakin's connection but it was nowhere near as strong as Reylo's. The way they could communicate and eventually touch their surroundings was gorgeous. The force is powerful and can be used in many different ways and only a handful of jedi, with, grey jedis can touch certain aspects of the force. A Dyad in the Force. It's called apparently apart of a prophecy and the likes hasnt been seen since before the New Republic era.

Also, I know I've seen some people saying Ben kissed Rey and how Rey didn't want it, but I literally just watched that movie and she moved to kiss him first. And it's not my shipper heart tricking me. She kissed him first, they were both smiling at each other and then he was just gone. She was shocked but she respected his sacrifice just like I'm doing.

Also for those who may or may not jump on this blog to say but he murdered his father! There's no way she would like him! This movie was his redemption arc. She liked Ben not Kylo. She even told him that she wanted to grab Ben's hand. It's the same thing with Padme and Anakin. Anakin murdered children and countless others but while I don't think Padme would have forgiven him, she was trying to pull him back to the light side and it was working, up until Anakin realized Obi Wan was there.

Okay, moving on.

I really enjoyed the nod to Finn and Poe's attempted love interests. At the end of the movie, Finn saw Rose, could have gone to her and hugged and kissed her like she did to him in the second movie (like where the heck did that come from any ways?) But he chose to turn away and continue searching for his friends and family.

Poe seeing that his former fling (I'm assuming, I'm not even sure as the writing was a little off there) was alive, he was happy and I guess was like you wanna kiss/bang? And she said no, he left and almost immediately after found Finn. Who he embraced in such a way that there is no way the two aren't married with five adopted kids.

They find Rey and the three embrace. Again, there is no way there was ever reason to doubt the love and trust the three had for each other, even if the movie tried.

I get that the writing ruined Finn and Poe's stories and put them on the farthest backburner they had. I'm upset over that too. Finn saying that he had something to tell Rey but Poe going, but I can't be here right? Had me wondering if he was trying to confess his feelings for her. That she without a doubt would have rejected, even if she had felt the same, the girl was clearly going through some things Finn. Gosh, men sometimes, I swear.

But there is no denying that the three shared a connection and could sense when the other was near, "dead" or injured.

All in all, the movie wasn't terrible. It could have been alot better had the writers actually focused more on the poc cast but Star Wars has always been mostly about Kenobi, Skywalker, Palpatine and Yoda. Not that that is any excuse. The poc cast had amazing potential that was never focused on, instead turned into stereotypes. Like let's make Poe's character have a shady past. That will cater to the white people watching the movie. *eye roll*

Okay, I'm stopping here before I go off on a rant about the writing direction. I was just trying to focus on the positives dang it.

[lilywyrm-blog]

The 7 Best Action-Packed Jason Statham Movies To Watch Before Hobbs And Shaw

He’s been a hero, a villain, a joker and a competitive diver. But if action superstar Jason Statham is known for anything, it’s his ability to kick a lot of ass. The most recent example of that piece of his career has been his success as an ass-kicker in the Fast and Furious film series, so much so that he’s half of the new spinoff, Hobbs and Shaw.

If you’re a fan of Jason Statham's, or are looking for a reason to get into his work, we recommend you, at the very least, watch the last two films in the Fast and Furious series to get caught up to the point that Hobbs and Shaw is at in the series. However, there are other movies in the Statham catalog you should be partaking in to get yourself pumped and ready for his latest action romp, and we have a good list of what those films should be.

So schedule a little bit of “me time” on the books, make sure you do your streaming and rental research as to how to get ahold of the Jason Statham movies we’re about to lay down and prepare for your very own film festival. Let’s call it “StathamFest,” which means that the following are your required stops on the StathamFest trail.

The Italian Job Handsome Rob chatting up the cable girl next to her van The Italian Job (2004) With his career as an action lead getting a huge boost out of The Transporter’s surprise success, one of the Jason Statham movies that increased his visibility exponentially was director F. Gary Gray’s remake of the 1969 crime caper, The Italian Job.

Flexing his action hero muscles as Handsome Rob, Jason Statham also got to play the eye candy of Mark Wahlberg’s band of criminals, which was certainly a bonus for the audience that made it a theatrical hit. The Italian Job not only gave Statham a chance to be a comedic heartthrob, but it also gave him even more experience with the impressive car stunts that helped make his career what it is.

While we never got the proposed sequel, The Brazilian Job, we did get a Statham/Gray reunion when the star and director paired up for The Fate of The Furious; so The Italian Job is a good film to re-watch in preparation for the further adventures of Deckard Shaw.

The Transporter 2 Frank Martin speeding down the road in his sports car The Transporter 2 (2005) The Transporter is one of the earliest successes of Jason Statham’s career, as Frank Martin was the first blockbuster character that Statham had under his action belt. And with The Transporter 2 bringing Frank to the mean streets of Miami, the scenery is closer to home, along with the high flying automotive action.

While it acts as a sort of loose remake of Man On Fire, with Jason Statham’s Frank replacing Denzel Washington’s Creasy, the film is a full throttle thrill ride, complete with one of the most ridiculous action moments in the man’s entire career. The second of three installments with Statham as Mr. Martin, our hero is charged with not only preventing a viral outbreak, but also recovering a wealthy family’s child in the process.

A positively breathless ticking clock action film, The Transporter 2 is a Jason Statham movie quick enough to fit into any day’s schedule, but it’s also weighted enough to keep an audience fixed on the screen the whole time. If you believe one of life’s rules is a person knowing their car and its contents, in and out, this one is a no-brainer.

Crank Chev electrocuting himself with jumper cables on his tongue and nipple Crank (2006) Mixed in with all of the big budget franchises and one-off action fests that make up the body of Jason Statham’s movies are some smaller, and definitely weirder, choices. Case in point is the extremely memorable Crank, directed by Neveldine/Taylor, a duo more than familiar with the world of the weird.

Jason Statham’s character this time around is Chev Chelios, with Crank seeing his protagonist injected with a drug intended to prevent the flow of adrenaline, in hopes of killing him dead. But, of course, as this is a Neveldine/Taylor directed film, Statham’s assassin antihero does have a way out of this mess. And it’s keeping his adrenaline pumping in such an extreme fashion, that methods such as electrocution and other feats tempting death are needed at all times in this single day thriller.

Pushing the boundaries of every force it comes into contact with, Crank makes for one of the weirdest, but also one of the most exhilarating Jason Statham movies in his collected canon. Proving that he can turn his charms and action talents to 11 when need be, Crank gave Statham the range he needed to eventually jump into the sort of antics that Hobbs and Shaw will eventually demand of him.

War John Crawford walking the docks with a gun is his hand War (2007) While Jason Statham and Jet Li would eventually team up yet again in The Expendables, their paths would cross earlier in the gang thriller War. Except in the instance of this particular film, Statham and Li faced off as nemeses in an all-out street fight between an FBI agent and a rogue element.

Jason Statham’s John Crawford is the FBI agent who’s swearing revenge against Jet Li’s former CIA operative Rogue, a target who survived his supposed death and not only killed Crawford’s partner, but also plans on starting a gang war between the Triads and the Yakuza. Things get pretty hairy as the two play cat and mouse on the streets of San Francisco, and will use everything at their disposal to strike the other where it hurts the most.

Another interesting connection that adds an interesting layer to watching War is the fact that Jason Statham’s character, Crawford, works with an FBI sniper by the name of Goi throughout the film’s duration. Playing Goi is none other than Sung Kang, better known as Han from the Fast and Furious universe; and considering how War ends, Jason Statham’s murder of Han in that particular series could be seen as pure revenge.

Death Race Jensen and Case stand next to their car in the garage Death Race (2008) Sometimes a movie gets remade because of its popularity. But in the case of director Paul W.S. Anderson’s Death Race, the film feels like a remake that is made to capitalize on the popularity of someone like Jason Statham. At least it feels that way, because wisecracks meet car stunts in this dystopian action extravaganza that screams its status as a Jason Statham movie.

Framed for a murder he didn’t commit, Jason Statham’s Jensen Ames is sent to prison and given the opportunity to win his own freedom through the titular Death Race. A televised pay-per-view spectacle, take The Running Man and infuse it with the DNA of NASCAR, and you’ve got the basic premise for this particular film.

As far as Jason Statham movies go, Death Race is sort of an underrated gem. Showcasing Statham’s abilities as an action lead, while also putting him into an ensemble that sees Joan Allen, Ian McShane and future Fast and Furious co-star Tyrese Gibson all mixing it up, Death Race is well worth tracking down if you’re serious about your Statham.

The Expendables Lee aims a gun, while hanging onto the nose of a flying plane The Expendables (2010) If there’s anything that the viewing public should know about Jason Statham by this entry in the list, it’s that he plays very well as both a lead and an ensemble member. The latter is part of why The Expendables is such a treat to watch, as the relatively fresh faced Statham gets to play with heavy hitters like Sylvester Stallone and Dolph Lundgren.

Hired to overthrow a villainous dictator, The Expendables sees some of the biggest names in action teaming up, or in some cases fighting against, the likes of Sylvester Stallone’s expendable team. Playing Lee Christmas, the team’s blade expert, Jason Statham gets to be a man who only talks when the conversation requires him to. And if he’s not talking, chances are his opponent is about to take some serious damage.

Whether it’s an island in the Gulf of Mexico or a basketball court on home soil, Jason Statham takes the fight to whomever stands in his way in The Expendables. Even though he appears as a member of the overarching ensemble, this Statham movie has enough action to excite the crowd and enough Statham magic for him to stand out from all the rest.

The Meg Jonas looks back in disbelief, as the image of the Megalodon is projected in front of him The Meg (2018) Let’s just get something out of the way: The Meg is, by no means, a film that needs to be taken seriously. Getting past that though, it’s easy to see how people enjoyed this film so much, it became a blockbuster hit in 2018’s film market. And naturally, part of that success is Jason Statham’s Jonas Taylor.

Playing a rescue diver obsessed with proving the existence of a rare Megalodon, Jason Statham gets to be The Meg’s hero, front and center. As such, Jonas is wise, kind and not afraid to put his foot down; all the things you’d expect from a Statham performance, with a little more heroic charm allowed this time out.

In fact, it’s Jason Statham’s charm that helps anchor The Meg’s all-star cast, which also includes Rainn Wilson, Ruby Rose and Li Bingbing. And with both Statham and his cast fully in sync, the level of ridiculous spectacle and action is balanced in such a state that the audience can really sink their teeth into it. And if you want to make it a family affair, this film’s PG-13 rating will certainly allow the kids to enjoy this one alongside the adults in the room.

Jason Statham’s career is as varied as it is exciting, and this sampler pack of films is only the beginning of the proof to that point. So let StathamFest pump you up for a summer of action, as well as the eventual box office debut of Hobbs and Shaw. But more importantly, let these films entertain you while showing the many facets of Jason Statham’s career as a hero, a villain and a comic relief for the ages.

Hobbs and Shaw promises to kick the box office’s ass on August 2, but if you’re looking for some action prior to that point, check out the 2019 release schedule for more of the options available to you.

https://moviestailler.blogspot.com/2019/07/actoin-movies.html

[ttstranscripts]

Transcript of The Talk Show Episode 172

Title: Holiday Party

Host: John Gruber

Special guest: Merlin Mann

Release date: 9 November 2016

Description: Merlin Mann returns to the show to discuss the election, by which I mean we mostly talk around the election. I hope we never do another show again with such heavy hearts, but whatever you think about this election, I think you’ll like this show.

Merlin Mann: Had a heck of a day. I’ve had a very interesting 30 hours.

John Gruber: [laughs]

Mann: Yesterday morning, we woke up early. I knew I had jury duty at the Superior Court.

Gruber: Wow!

Mann: Yeah, yeah.

Gruber: On voting day?

Mann: I only found out finally yesterday that I’m registered under two addresses and basically that’s why I get called constantly. And I’m jury crack. I always get called, I always get picked, and no matter what I say, they’re like, “Haha, that’s great, we could really use you.” So in this case, Superior Court — oh my god, what it’s going to be — long story short, we get up early, the three of us go to the polling station, my daughter drops in the ballot for Hillary Clinton. I go to jury duty, I narrowly, narrowly avoid a multi-month attempted murder jury duty.

Gruber: Oh... [laughs]

Mann: John Gruber, I’m literally rocking in my seat and making this noise, [in a distressed voice] “mhhn-mhhnnn”. I won’t drag this out, but basically I pleaded hardship. Even though they said they’re probably not going to let us off for that, I astoundingly got deferred. I walk up 6th street. Are you familiar with 6th street?

Gruber: I am. You know what, I am oddly familiar with 6th street in San Francisco.

Mann: You don’t unsee 6th street, you don’t forget 6th street.

Gruber: Right. [laughs]

Mann: I walk up 6th street, and it’s like a Godspeed You! Black Emperor song. It’s just a lot of people with sores and amputations, I saw a sobbing man pooping on the street, there’s a lot of screaming and dogs and it’s basically, it’s like the end of the world. And that was my morning up till about 11:30. So then I just went home and started rocking at home. I couldn’t even play Threes, I was just rocking, going “mhhn”. Because I’m already — I’m sorry, I’m monopolizing your show — I don’t want to make a big deal about it because I think it’s unseemly —

Gruber: It was a bad start, it was a bad start to a bad day.

Mann: And I hoped that those would all be good, good portents. But that was my morning and then, yeah — how are you feeling, are you having a good day?

Gruber: [laughs] No! Here’s the thing, I think you and I owe it to the world? We owe it to America, we’re going to do this show, and we’re going to do this show for everybody.

Mann: Okay. You don’t have to be an Apple fan.

Gruber: Are you with me so far?

Mann: Oh, I’m so with you. You’re going to get notes. [laughs]

Gruber: We’re going to get notes because we’re going to miss some people. We’re trying to scoop up everybody... we’re trying to... we’re... we... [sighs] I don’t know, we’ve got the scoop... we’re coming in for everybody...

Mann: [laughs] Are you having a holiday party there?

Gruber: Yeah! Oh...

Mann: [laughs, claps]

Gruber: I’m having a holiday party. Merlin, we’re coming in with the scoop, we’re coming in for everybody, we’re going to try to pick everybody up.

Mann: Yeah, okay.

Gruber: And we’re going to miss some people. There’s no doubt about it. There’s no way —

Mann: John Gruber, you can’t get every person, that’s the first lesson you learn.

Gruber: No way, and we’re going to miss some people. In my opinion, this is the most special episode of this podcast I’ve ever recorded. I’ve recorded many Star Wars... [laughs]

Mann: Isn’t that still your record holder?

Gruber: Oh, of course, Star Wars episodes are about eight hours long. And I mean, we’ve had Harrison Ford on, we’ve had Mark Hamill on —

Mann: He was a lot nicer than I expected.

Gruber: — Carrie Fisher, I mean, some very special guests for those episodes. Nothing is going to compare to this episode of the show and I would tell you —

Mann: No pressure! [laughs]

Gruber: No, no pressure. Well, there was only one person —

Mann: We’re trying to scoop up everybody, but we’re going to miss some people.

Gruber: Well, I would tell you this, I’m going to be honest, open kimono, I’m opening the kimono here.

Mann: [laughs]

Gruber: [sighs] I’m not happy with the election results. I honestly fear for the state of Western democracy. I absolutely, positively had too much to drink last night. And when I woke up this morning, I thought, there’s only one person I can ask to be on my show today and it’s Merlin Mann.

Mann: Hello!

Gruber: And I will say this, I reached out to you —

Mann: For this very special emergency episode.

Gruber: Right. Because I’ll tell you what, I am, in general, I try to go once a week and once a week would’ve put me like a couple of days before the election, and a couple of days ago I was too pre-election obsessed, and I thought, nobody wants to hear pre-election obsessed John Gruber talk about the keyboard on the new MacBook Pro, right? I mean, who the fuck cares about the goddamn key travel on the MacBook Pro two or three days before the end of Western civilization? So I thought, I can’t do it. I probably should’ve. I should’ve just done like a regular show, just called Moltz up again, you know what I mean? Couldn’t do it.

Mann: You also, you as a person, you enjoy a winning franchise with a story.

Gruber: Ohh, I do, I do.

Mann: And one thing I’ve learned from you and I share with a lot of people was that distinction you made one time, I think, on this program, talking about how there’s numbers people in baseball and there’s story people, with regard to fans.

Gruber: Yes, right.

Mann: I still think about that a lot, and it did have an effect on how I think about sports as a thing. I’m not trying to take the piss, I mean, you like the Yankees, you like, what, Cowboys, right?

Gruber: Yep.

Mann: You like these teams with a storied past who are going to win. So it makes sense for you to wait until the inevitable win to be able to talk about it in a way that’s — I don’t know, more celebratory? Why be jittery on air. Because it all seemed like it was going in the right direction. Mostly. Mostly, I mean, I don’t even know where to begin.

Gruber: I’ll just tell you this. I was thinking last night, and early on, I started tweeting less because I started thinking like, you know what I like to do, I think people who, certainly people who listen to the show, but people who follow me on Twitter, certainly know, I like to tweet during sporting events I care about. And it is a similar feeling in my stomach when there’s a sporting event I care about and an election I care about. But then there’s a difference, and the difference is that sports don’t mean anything, and that’s kind of the fun part about sports, and I know that there’s —

Mann: Everything that’s wonderful about sports is what the fan brings to it. You can choose to bring all different kinds of history and expectations and import, but you get to pick what you’re going to be very emotional about, and on some rational level, you get to decide why those stakes are important to you.

Gruber: Right, like, if six months ago, you — something happened, and you had a terrible head injury, and you went into a coma, but you’re a terrific baseball fan, and you don’t wake up until like the middle of next year. You wake up, and you’re like, “Who won the World Series?” And somebody tells you, “Well, it was the Cubs.” The state of the world outside the word C-U-B-S, “Cubs”, is actually not any different than if they said, “Oh my god, it was the Cleveland Indians.”

Mann: I feel like I only hear this — but a lot of people say that was probably one of the — definitely one of the better World Series games, some people would put it in their top 50 games.

Gruber: Yeah! No, there are people who would put it in their top 5 games. I mean, it was an amazing game. But the truth of the matter is that outside of the baseball park, it doesn’t really matter and that is — so I do, I woke up yesterday and I thought, you know what, this feels like when the Yankees are in the World Series. I’ve got that feeling, I care, I can’t sleep, I’m jittery. Except, I know that this time it cares. In one regard it makes me say, this is why sports are great, and in the other regard it makes me say, this is why a lot of smart people don’t give two craps about sports because sports are actually nonsense. And I kind of feel like this election brings that into focus.

Mann: Yeah. I mean, I don’t like getting involved in a lot of political — I don’t like talking about politics in public. I have my feelings about all kind of stuff in life, and who knows, maybe it’s time for me to talk more about it, but I feel like, generally speaking, the cost-benefit analysis on — having a strong public opinion that’s unambiguous, and you argue about it a lot, and you encourage people to pick or continue fights with you, that’s just not my personality, it’s not how I want to live, it’s not who I want to be, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have those strong opinions. So my cards on the table. And I’m that guy, I’m that guy that used to say, get rid of all your news tabs, stop following stuff — time and attention. But I have started listening to probably half a dozen podcasts about politics this election year, some of which come out every day, or twice or three times a week. I’ve been utterly steeped in that. But at almost every step of the way, even when things were not looking great for the Democratic candidate, there was still part of me that said, I think I understand enough about the bones of this country to know how this will end up. And on top of that, I see enough stuff from different sources of data that tells me it’ll turn out okay. Is this going to be the best election ever? No. But I swear to Christ, even up until yesterday, that confidence in the American bones is — I think I might’ve gotten it wrong? And so when we were texting this morning, that’s kind of where I am. I’m not to angry yet, I’m not to fingerpointing, I’m not even to abject terror yet, I’m still stuck at sitting there in my living room with my family last night. My daughter was literally under a blanket, she put earplugs in and went under a blanket to read Wimpy Kid because she couldn’t take it anymore.

Gruber: I love the Wimpy Kid books.

Mann: Oh, there are better than you think. But watching that little drip, drip, drip and then seeing a state flip to red, and at first, when we walked up, I picked her up at school like I do, I said, “Hey, look, he’s got three on the board already, don’t worry, people knew he was going to get those, those are not giant electoral states.” She knows about this from school. But anyway, I don’t mean to prod along, but I’m here today because I’m not even to where I know I’m going to end up, I’m still — I’m just stunned by how wrong I was and how poorly I saw, and I think I’m going to be processing that for at least a few days. Words like “shock” and “surprise”, it sounds silly. I just listen to Keepin’ it 1600, which is a show I like a lot. And they’re just like, “We got every single bit of this wrong, and we feel bad that we told you not to wet the bed.” Now I’m just sitting here — I’m babbling, but I’m sitting here and I’m stunned with how much I got wrong, I’ll eventually try to figure out what I got wrong, but at this point it’s just an unconscionably large amount of assumptions that I had a fairly decent level of confidence in that I’m going to have to just rethink a whole bunch of things that make me very uncomfortable.

Gruber: Not for “let’s make sure everyone feels included” sake, but for “hey, everybody is sick of the divisive stuff”, is why I would love and I think you agree that this episode of the show should not be like, hey, Hillary should’ve won, Donald Trump is an asshole. I don’t want to divide people because everybody’s had enough of that and the time for that is over.

Mann: Not least because Democrats are the second most surprised party today.

Gruber: I agree, you’re right, I do think so too.

Mann: I don’t think most people in their hearts really believed this would go this way.

Gruber: I agree and I honestly think if we want to just for a moment get a little political —

Mann: [laughs]

Gruber: But seriously, Donald Trump’s win is not a Republican win, it’s a Trump win. What he is and what he represents and what drove his victory has almost nothing to do with the Republican Party. But I would like for this episode of the show to be for everybody, and I will just tell you that my son who is not, I wouldn’t think is political, because he’s 12 years old, he’s way too young to be political — before we sent him to bed last night, we’re watching the results, they were not, they were obviously heading towards where we are, and he said that his stomach felt bad. And I mean, it killed me because what am I going to say to him? [sighs]

Mann: I think kids pick up a lot from the people around them, particularly their parents, doesn’t mean they’re going to listen or put on their shoes, but they can read a lot of the emotional temperature and barometric pressure in the room. And we’ve talked a lot about this election at home, a lot, a lot, a lot, but I think the difference here is, it’s not that my team didn’t win, it’s that maybe I just don’t understand baseball anymore? And that’s a very different kind of thing to process, and I think, apart from the fact that we were both crying a little bit, which is never fun to do in front of your kid, it’s — I think there was definitely the sense that this was something very much different, it’s not like she sat and watched a bunch of presidential elections, but it felt like the stakes were higher than we had any idea. And then, god, what did Amy say today about, I mean, could you share what happened at his school?

Gruber: Yeah, well, the one thing was that we got a letter from the principal of the school, the head of the school, whatever they call the guy — we got an actual email that said like, “The rhetoric of the guy who won the presidential election is still no longer accepted at our school”, which is like —

Mann: That’s like when — did you get the creepy clown letter in October?

Gruber: Yes, we got the —

Mann: We got the creepy clown letter, and I remember thinking, oh my god, I know how busy our principal is, and I can’t believe that she had to take any amount of time from her day to acknowledge that there was such a thing as creepy clowns and then to feel the need or maybe the mandate, maybe it came down from the unified school district. But she had to say, there’s a couple of other things I’m not going to do today because I need to email everybody about creepy clowns. And you’re like, wow, that’s — just FYI, for my purposes, you don’t need to keep on the creepy clown bit, I trust you on the strength to just take care of that. But that’s something that your kid’s principal felt they needed to do.

Gruber: On that note... [laughs]

Mann: “You guys know Fracture!” [laughs]

Gruber: Let me take a break —

Mann: [laughs hysterically]

Gruber: — and tell you about our first friend.

Mann: If you’re going to have a holiday party, I feel like I should have one too. That’s just what we need, just need me to show up at my kid’s school in two hours just a liiittle bit drunk. [in a drunk voice] “Everything’s going to be fine, honey.”

Gruber: [laughs]

Mann: “Daddy’s just sleepy.”

Gruber: Today’s host of The Talk Show is Harry Caray. [laughs]

Mann: [laughs] “Hey, hey.”

Gruber: “Hey, hey.” [laughs] Seriously, we’re laughing because we’re crying, but I want to tell you about our g— [breaks into laughter]

Mann: You want me to take this one?

Gruber: — our good friends at Automatic.

Mann: Oh, love Automatic!

Gruber: It’s a small adapter, it turns your car into a smart connected car. They’ve just launched, I mean, seriously, within like the last month or so, the Automatic Pro, it’s a new version of the device they already sold that in addition to all the cool stuff it already does, it includes unlimited 3G online internet connection. Exactly, you think, well, that sounds too good to be true, well, look, your Kindle, Kindles have been doing this for years. I don’t know how they worked out the deal with the 3G providers, but the Automatic people did it. It’s a dingus, you plug it into your car, there’s a port on every car made since like 1997–1998, somewhere around there, there’s a port and that’s where when it says, like, you get a thing on your dashboard that says “A1 service due” or whatever, you don’t know what A1 service is. You take it into the car dealer, they plug a thing into this port and then it knows exactly what you need. Well, it turns out that’s just an oil change or whatever. Automatic lets you plug their dingus, they have a dingus, that’s what you buy. You plug it in and you get all that information, all the service information that your car can provide to a mechanic or a service provider, but instead you get it, you can — if it’s nonsense, if it’s just like, oh, you know, one of the lights is out or something like that, you can just turn it off, whatever you want to do. Otherwise though, it gives you so much information, it gives you information on your efficiency, on how you’re driving your car, it gives you information on fuel efficiency, all that stuff.

Mann: John, John, John, it does it all, it’s an app plus it’s a dingus, you did mention it’s a dingus, it’s a fantastic dingus.

Gruber: [laughs]

Mann: Here’s the thing, those fat cats in Detroit or Tokyo or wherever, no offense, I don’t want to be ping-pong, they never intended you to use that port for this, they say that’s for them, that’s for them, that’s their port, don’t use that. They [Automatic] are democratizing that port in a way that’s very important in our country right now. You get that dingus, you get that app, you plug it in, and you know what, you don’t have to think about it, you’re going to hear this — “beep” — that means it’s working. You can have it yell at you when you break, you can have it tell you, hey, quit driving so fast, you dork. Like John, for example, John lost his license now about five years ago —

Gruber: That’s true.

Mann: You were driving, I think you were driving 190 in a 30 mph zone.

Gruber: That, well, that was what they said I was doing.

Mann: Was it that fast? It was pretty fast.

Gruber: I don’t think that that’s true but that’s what they flagged me for. 105 in a 30 zone.

Mann: 105 in a 30, the speedometer only goes up so high. But you get this thing, it’ll automatically tag business trips for your expense purposes, it’ll do all of that and it will make you a better and more mindful driver, you don’t have to think about it, it just works. It also works with things like IFTTT, you can hook it up to all kinds of different things, you can have it turn your freaking lights on when you pull home. This thing is dynamite. Are you laughing at my tweet?

Gruber: I’m laughing because you’re the only person — I don’t know if anybody who listens to this podcast [drunkenly struggles with the word] regulllarrrly —

Mann: [laughs quietly]

Gruber: — has noticed, there’s a couple of regulars who come back. And you’re the only one who ever breaks in and helps with the sponsor read.

Mann: Yeah. [sarcastically] Thanks, John Moltz.

Gruber: Well, Moltz will never do it. Moltz will sit there and text me while I’m doing it, and he’ll give me notes on how the sponsor read could be better, but he won’t break in and say anything.

Mann: Sickening. Sickening.

Gruber: Moltz won’t say a goddamn word. He’s the worst.

Mann: I use this [Automatic], I love it, I bought this dingus with my own goddamn money, and we use it, and I look at it, and it is a terrific device.

Gruber: All right. Where do you go to find out more? Go to automatic.com/thetalkshow. There you go, there’s the [phenoms?] you need. My thanks to them. Great sponsor. I love them. I’ve got it plugged into my car, I’ve got the app, and honestly, it has gotten me to take the lead foot off the gas pedal. A little bit.

Mann: Oh, that’s, that’s so important. So did you ever get your — you probably shouldn’t say that.

Gruber: No, I don’t have a license, I haven’t had a license in six or seven years.

Mann: But the Automatic becomes a kind of ad hoc license. It’s license to be safe. They can just run with that. Did you get my text?

Gruber: Yes.

Mann: Can I tweet it?

Gruber: [laughs] Yeah, absolutely.

Mann: Okay.

Gruber: My hope would be that people — I mean, there’s not that many people who listen to this show, my hope would be that people are not going to report this to the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation.

Mann: No, no.

Gruber: We’ll keep it on the QT that I continue to drive without a valid PA driver’s license.

Mann: Yeah. You know, I don’t think that has to be a big deal. If you’re just moving the car or let’s say what if you had to go somewhere important. Should you need a license for that?

Gruber: No. I don’t think so.

Mann: What if it’s a fairly short trip, or better still, what if it’s a very long trip where you’re going to be on a highway. Everybody knows highways are safer.

Gruber: Oh, very safe. I mean, you could fall asleep on the highway, right? I mean, people who have the Teslas, they hit a button, and you could just go to sleep.

Mann: Yeah, yeah. Oh boy.

Gruber: I got a catalog the other day, just yesterday I think it was. I got a catalog, I don’t even know what I bought that put me on the list, but it came addressed to me. I got a catalog for a Radio Flyer. Now, you know Radio Flyer, right?

Mann: Oh, I got the same thing. With the Tesla?

Gruber: With the Tesla, yeah.

Mann: What are we on? How did we get this?

Gruber: You know what, maybe it’s this show, I don’t know.

Mann: They send it to — you know what it is, clicky keyboards, fussy coffee, fizzy water, has podcast. They call that an array.

Gruber: I got a Radio Flyer catalog —

Mann: We’ve gotten two of them!

Gruber: — with a delightful young boy riding in a Tesla, like a fake Tesla Radio Flyer wagon. [laughs]

Mann: Kids love Teslas.

Gruber: And I thought about taking a picture of it and making a joke, and I couldn’t make a joke, I couldn’t figure out the joke because what are you going to joke about? Zero emissions?

Mann: Self-driving, yeah.

Gruber: Zero emissions, it’s not actually a joke, that’s actually kind of cool. I couldn’t figure out the joke.

Mann: We get a lot of catalogs, John. We get a lot of political things, we had, I think it was, let me check here, 175 ballot initiatives yesterday.

Gruber: Oh my god, oh.

Mann: John, the Board of Elections had to provide guidance on how to fold your ballot to put in the envelope so that you didn’t end up spending like $11 on postage. They had guidance on that, I think they had, like, a QuickTime movie you could watch. Crazy days.

Gruber: [laughs] We had two — we don’t call them ballot initiatives here in Pennsylvania, I forget what we call them, it’s not like California. But we had two things to vote on that was sort of — the sort of thing that I don’t think you should be deciding by direct democracy, I think that this is exactly why we have a legislator. So one of them was, should we raise — in Pennsylvania, like many states, a surprising number of states if you just Google it, if you’re a state judge, when you reach the age of 70, it’s a mandatory retirement, you’re out.

Mann: That’s probably a pretty old law. From the time when being 70 was kind of a big deal.

Gruber: It seems like it, and on the ballot was an initiative, I don’t know what you call it, but whatever they call it here in PA, to raise the age to 75.

Mann: That’s so weirdly just slightly less arbitrary.

Gruber: Right, it’s not to get rid of it, exactly.

Mann: “Ah, come on, let’s make it 76.” Oh, okay, that’ll fix it. Done.

Gruber: [laughs] That’s exactly what I thought when I saw it. Do you want to get rid of this age thing, yes or no. I can kind of see that, but 70 to 75, it’s like, what? Where do these numbers come from? But we got a thing because we’re registered, we happen to be registered Democrats, I don’t think people are surprised to hear me say that.

Mann: [ironically] Huh, interesting.

Gruber: But we got something from our local Democratic word with a suggested ballot, like, here’s how we think you should vote, here’s everything that’s up, here’s who you should vote for. And it says like, President, you should vote for Hillary Clinton. Senator, Katie McGinty, that’s our senator who was running against this dipshit Pat Toomey, and so on as it goes down the ballot. But then it gets down to these ballot initiatives, and we only had two. And on the one that said “should we raise the mandatory retirement age for judges from 70 to 75”, it said, vote no, in other words, don’t raise the retirement age. It said, “Vote no —

Mann: Oh, that confusing language.

Gruber: — it’s already hard enough to get rid of bad judges.” That’s what it said.

Mann: What?

Gruber: I swear to god, Merlin. I’m not making it up. [laughs]

Mann: Doesn’t somebody have to approve these things? Do you just get to paste it up and it just goes in, whatever you have to say?

Gruber: Well, the next best thing was that the next question was “should the city of Philadelphia raise $185,000,000 in debt to finance infrastructure improvements”. And the answer on how should you vote, it was blank. It was blank!

Mann: What? Did they forget to fill it in?

Gruber: [laughs] They forgot to fill it in!

Mann: “Forget about it. Highways are for dicks!” Oh gosh, we had a lot. “Should people be allowed to sleep in tents on the sidewalk?”

Gruber: [laughs] No! I would vote no, I would vote no.

Mann: It’s very controversial, they don’t have anywhere else to sleep. You go down Division street, and it’s like a one long KOA under a highway. You got the, oh, the grocery tax, dun-dun-dun. [in a movie trailer voice] “In a world...”

Gruber: Here’s what I think they should do —

Mann: Okay. Just to be clear, we’re trying to scoop everybody in here, we’re going to miss a few people, but I think it’s really important that we try to really find some answers.

Gruber: I’m giving you an honest answer, here’s what I honestly think. I think they should drive buses, special buses around the city, and you find anybody sleeping on a sidewalk in a tent, you just scoop them up in a bus.

Mann: Where do they go after that? Do they stay on the bus? Are they allowed to get off?

Gruber: [laughs] They can get off wherever they want.

Mann: This may be closer to what we see in the next four years than you think.

Gruber: Whenever they wake up, they can get off if they want.

Mann: It’s going to be tremendous.

Gruber: They can get off wherever they want but... [laughs]

Mann: Okay, so the bus comes along, you scoop up the tent people and —

Gruber: And I’ll tell you what, this is an opinion that I would not have had if I hadn’t spent a lot of time in downtown San Francisco over the last ten years. But I’ll just tell you that there are people sleeping on the sidewalks in San Francisco who make the city an unpleasant place to be.

Mann: There are people living, it’s important, these are not people who take a nap, these are people who do not have anywhere else to go.

Gruber: We’re trying to have fun, I’m not trying to make light of a desperate situation, but —

Mann: People already ride on the public transit, you can ride on the public transit, you’ve got a fairly comfortable place to be.

Gruber: What I’m suggesting though would be a bus that has a toilet. [laughs]

Mann: Oh, nice, okay. You’ve got like a stadium restroom on wheels. John, would they have shower facilities at all? Maybe a small library? Could you get a LaCroix?

Gruber: I would like all of those things. I would vote for all of that.

Mann: You get a Google bus, you get a nice Google bus.

Gruber: I would vote for all of those things, I would vote for the shower facility, I would vote for the small library, and honestly, I would vote for the tax increase that would pay for it. Honestly, I do feel like that would make for a better city.

Mann: Well, if you never find a house, you should come out here. Too soon?

Gruber: Too soon. There’s an awful lot of people, and again, I’m not trying to rub it in anybody’s face, I’m not trying to say who — I voted for Hillary Clinton, I think a lot of people who listen to this probably voted for Hillary Clinton. I’m not trying to say she should’ve won, I’m not trying to rub it in anybody’s face if you voted for the other guy. But there’s an awful lot of people who voted for Donald Trump who I would really like for them to spend a day at, like, 3rd and Market in San Francisco. Just stand on the corner for 12 hours.

Mann: Yeah, yeah. That gets at a lot of the problem. We don’t have to go into this, but did you look at that Washington Post demographic breakdown?

Gruber: Yes, I did.

Mann: Boy, this is going to be an interesting few years. Basically, pretty cool — I don’t know if I could find the link now, I’ll send it to you here.

Gruber: I got it, I got it. I’ll put it in the show notes.

Mann: Essentially, I think these are exit polls so take it with a grain of salt, but basically they go in and do a full demographic breakdown, starting with the basic numbers but then going through gender, race, education, party, age. And I think it’s a pretty good infographic that really tells a hell of a story that I think many of us need to really digest. I love the fact that — so basically, they’ve got a line of like — so you say, for example, they could say “sex”, I say “gender” because I’m woke — what percentage voted blue and then I think that’s reflected — so basically, area of the circle is based on the size of the demographic group and percentage of vote obtained, so you actually get three different very interesting data points. You get the who did what, you get the how that went, and then you get the what percentage of the total amount do they represent. And therein is quite a story.

Gruber: It’s a fascinating thing to scroll through because it works on a couple of dimensions where the circles are the size of the group —

Mann: So like the total number per capita, like how many people are involved, right.

Gruber: Right, it’s like you see how far apart the two groups are, but the size of these circles lets you know, like, sex: men vs. women. Well, the groups are obviously humongous because almost everybody is either a man or a woman. And the race one, where it’s, you know, how did white people vote, how did black people vote. It shows you how many of the people who actually voted are white or black or Hispanic etc., etc. So you hear these numbers, you hear, here’s the numbers, this is from their page you’re saying, and we’ll put it in the show notes, but the black vote went 88 percent to the Democrats, 8 percent to Donald Trump, 2 percent to Gary Dingus or whatever his name is.

Mann: Yeah, but the size of that circle —

Gruber: Right, lets you know.

Mann: — ain’t that big.

Gruber: Right, you say, 88 to 8, holy hell, that’s a blowout and then you see the size of the circle and —

Mann: A pie is always round.

Gruber: Right, exactly. It’s a really interesting infographic in my opinion. It explains the election in a way that feels true to me. Obviously not in the way that is true, like, “Oh, this is the truth I want to hear”, because the election did not turn out the way that I wanted but —

Mann: Sometimes when I get real worked up, I take pictures of my TV, and so I just sent you an image from last night with a great state of Pennsylvania in which you live, and at the point this was taken — I don’t know if you’ve got that in your messages.

Gruber: I got it.

Mann: Look at that breakdown. So they’re breaking down voting for the two parties, presidential candidates by city, suburbs, and rural. City: 73/24 Clinton. Suburb: 48 percent dead even. Rural: 72 percent Trump.

Gruber: Yep. I remember all the way back to 1992, and it was, how old was I then? Jesus Christ, I was only, I think that was the first election I could vote in.

Mann: Oh wow.

Gruber: I was, like, a freshman in college. But I remember hearing James Carville on TV, at the time James Carville was like the horse whisperer in Bill Clinton’s ear, he’s the guy telling him what to do. And James Carville described Pennsylvania as Philadelphia on one side, Pittsburg on the other, and Alabama in the middle. And as a lifelong Pennsylvanian, I was like, oh yeah, that’s exactly right. And as a college kid who had just moved from that sort of Alabama middle to one of the cities on one of the sides of the state, I was like, yeah, that’s exactly right, that is totally right.

Mann: Scott Simpson always used to say the same thing, he comes from a very rural community, he said he felt absolutely no allegiance to any of those two cities, coming from the middle.

Gruber: Yeah, I believe Scott is from Lancaster or near Lancaster.

Mann: I should remember. All I remember is that he was in a Christian rock band.

Gruber: [laughs]

Mann: Company of Praise. They abbreviated C-O-P.

Gruber: If not Lancaster, it’s close enough. And everybody I know from Pennsylvania, it’s actually one of those things where it’s like, it doesn’t matter if you’re a Democrat or Republican, you hear that and you’re like, “Oh yeah, yeah, that sounds right.” Even if you’re pro-Trump, if you’re somebody from Pennsylvania who voted for Trump, you’re like, “Yeah, that sounds right, it’s dirty liberals on Pittsburg and Philadelphia and good people in the middle.” And it’s absolutely, it’s striking, the picture you just sent me is amazing.

Mann: There was that time last night where it was — trying to do the translation on time — but it was past my daughter’s bedtime, but it was at the point of, like, “ohh”. You know what I should not have been looking at? It’s that stupid New York Times little speedometer thing. That was the death of me.

Gruber: It was for me too, it absolutely was.

Mann: It was Clinton — I’ll say some names, I guess. But it was Clinton 82 for a really long time. Then it was like “beep, beep, boop” [?] down a little bit and you get to 50/50 — whaaat? And by the time I was getting up, at one point then it said greater than 95 for the Republican candidate. And that was around the time when — so I was going back and forth between CNN and CBS because CBS has John Dickerson who is flatly the best, he was so good on that show.

Gruber: I wish, in hindsight, honest to god, it wouldn’t change the result, which obviously is the only thing that really matters, but in hindsight, I wish that I had CBS on. I watched MSNBC and that was the worst decision I could’ve made, honestly.

Mann: Because they were — was there happy talk about how it would be okay or?

Gruber: No, it was more like... I don’t know, it was something about the attitude they were taking to the results that really got me. What I really want was just a total pro who didn’t have — I bet, I didn’t watch CBS but I bet John Dickerson was exactly what —

Mann: He was great, it was a pretty good crew, but when I would flip back and forth, and sometimes CBS would go to local coverage, and I was like, please, don’t tell me about legal marijuana, I need to see what’s happening with this national race.

Gruber: [laughs]

Mann: So I would hop over to CNN and it seems like — by the way, you guys can have your marijuana now, congratulations. You can have your 420s.

Gruber: The people of New Jersey, it was like, we’re having the most important, in my opinion, the most important presidential election in our lifetimes, and then half of the time was spent on did the people in New Jersey get medical marijuana.

Mann: Well, okay, so one nice thing is I think they’re finally getting their hands around on how to deal with those giant touch screens, it’s still kind of funny to watch them struggle with them.

Gruber: [laughs] Oh my god, on the MSNBC it was horrible!

Mann: Did they keep hitting the wrong thing? “Oh, whoa, oh.”

Gruber: And the guy kept complaining about it on air! He was like, “God damn this machine!” [laughs]

Mann: I don’t think they get time to practice nearly as much as — like, if you go see your local Perd Hapley doing the weather report, that is a person who has been dealing with the green screen and understands how to gesture their arms. In this case, they’re flying all over the place. But there was the point in the evening when they got to where it was like, “Okay, well, this is how it’s looking”, and this was right before it went to Florida, like pretty conclusively. But he’s going in, he kept zooming way in on Broward and saying, “Well, we know, this could still be Broward”, and zooming in further and then saying, “Then you compare that to 2012”, and then he kept going to these two counties in Michigan and kept saying, “Detroit, the story could still be Detroit, there could be like 150,000 people in Detroit that show up in a minute”, and we’re all going, “Yeah, yeah, that could be it. Detroit seems cool.”

Gruber: That was a little bit of the MSNBC experience too.

Mann: I’m sure we’re eventually going to get to our friends from South by South West but —

Gruber: [laughs] There was a little bit of this sort of — we’re watching it, and we came into it optimistic, we really did. And I don’t think we were unrealistic, everybody sort of expected a Hillary Clinton win. We went into it —

Mann: They at least expected something within a normal range, but it was like you went into your kitchen to make cupcakes, and it kept producing monitor lizards. I don’t even understand what’s happening in here! And I think they’re struggling with — because they can’t just say, “What the fuck is going on here?! What the fuck!” You can’t say that on the TV. So they’ve got to go like, “Well, Detroit, there could be a heck of a lot of, uhhh, underperforming with, you know, get out the vote, uh, news alert.”

Gruber: That is so true. I honestly think that that — again, I’m laughing because I am a white male with a job, so I can afford to laugh, but I’m crying on the inside because I really do think — I’m not making light of this election.

Mann: No, I don’t think that’s coming across —

Gruber: I hope so. I just want to double-emphasize it as many times as I can. But I really do think watching it live last night, there was this sort of like, we can’t say “what the fuck”, so therefore, because we can’t say “what the fuck”, we’re going to say stuff that doesn’t make any sense —

Mann: We have to utilize these other words that are in the parlance for our business that don’t get even near how what the fuck-y this is.

Gruber: Right, and so they were saying things like, “Hey, Hillary Clinton is down by 300,000 votes in Florida, but she might make up 80,000 votes in Broward County so...” And you’re like, wait, you just said she’s down by 300,000, and she maybe, if everything goes right in Broward County, might make up 80,000. You realize that’s not even close to making up the difference?

Mann: No, it’s this magical thinking. Everybody goes, “Well, you know, Wisconsin still isn’t all the way in.” They didn’t even bother to go to Wisconsin because that’s so in the bag, it’s not even going to be a problem.

Gruber: And I would turn to Amy and I would say, “Am I mishearing this? This doesn’t make any sense.” And by the time I turned to her, I would look and then all of a sudden they’re talking about Wisconsin.

Mann: [laughs]

Gruber: It’s like, wait, wait, put that manic guy with the glasses back on and have him explain to me how making up 80,000 votes in this — and MSNBC, they were going through these contortions about what they can call and when they can call it, and I was saying to Amy, I was like, wait a minute, if you’re saying, she is down by 300,000 and the most she could make up is 80,000, what in the world is the difference where you can say “we can call this”? Just call it! Just fucking call the goddamn thing! And here we are, 24 hours later, we’ve got these results, we see the results, and she didn’t win Florida. Why couldn’t they call it when she was definitively, best case scenario, down by 220,000 votes? I don’t understand that.

Mann: There’s this other phenomenon in, like, when you’re a little kid — I have to tell you, we might’ve talked about this before, talking about TV, but I always haaated election nights as a kid. It was so boring, all the shows got preempted, and then your parents would sit there and watch this incredibly boring thing, and you’d hear about this, like, who your new alderman is. Yay, where’s Happy Days, fucking bring it. I knew this was excruciating for my daughter, but I was like, “You know, we’ve told you this is a pretty big deal and we’re —” I won’t get too personal, but we had a lot of personal stake, all three of us, had a lot of personal stake in this. Yes, even my nine-year-old daughter, maybe especially my nine-year-old daughter, had a lot of stake in this, so that made it really difficult. You learn as you get a little bit older, like when you first see the map when you’re a little kid, you go what, like, oh, Texas. Well, Texas is a big state and it’s a big deal because there are a lot of electoral votes. But you know, all these little states you see running down the side because they’re too small to identify, some of those end up being really important. In other words, the amount of red or blue on the map, you learn to look at the numbers rather than the pretty colors because that’s the story, do you know what I’m saying? A smart person understands that you can for example, as recently as 2016, you can win the most votes and still not win the election because that’s not how the electoral college works. And my kid understood that, my wife and I understand that. So you start seeing more and more of the red pop up and then they go to somewhere like Michigan, and all of a sudden I felt like I was seven years old again. I was like, there’s so much red on there. And they keep zooming in on these two or three little blue areas, but it was very profound to me to then have to undo that idea because the colors were not lining up, the shapes were not lining up, and the numbers were not lining up. And that’s why I want to locate this a little bit in last night because over the period of about 90 minutes the world started to feel a little bit different, at least a little bit different, and then it started to feel different faster and faster, and my breath was taken away at several points.

Gruber: We’re three hours time-shifted from you, but we were watching the same thing at the same time, and that is exactly how I felt, exactly, exactly. I couldn’t put it any better. And again, like you were saying, with these county by county results in Michigan, I was just like, what the?.. How can this be, how can Hillary Clinton possibly win, looking at this?

Mann: Right. But also some 2015 part of your brain is spinning because the 2015 part of your brain goes, even if there’s three people in that county, how did three people in that county choose to vote for the Republican candidate? In my 2015 mind, which is still a big part of my brain, and again, now I have a different mind today, but that was part of the cognitive dissonance for me, was even, like, looking at straight numbers and having my iPad Pro sideways with multiple tabs open plus the side screen like an idiot, like a monster, I’m looking at all of this data and then drilling down, and New York Times actually had pretty good coverage on this, where you could go in and drill down into specific areas and see for yourself what was going on, and you could just look at the numbers. And the other thing we told our kid, and I think this is a good thing, is like, understand this is a multi-variant thing. There’s a certain number of electoral votes in that state, that state is comprised of counties, each of those counties are reporting in different ways and at different times, and shame on CNN for the amount of, like, 1 percent reporting special news alerts that they had, it was so gross. But you can go in and there’s this thing that happened though, and I guess this happens to everybody when their side is not winning is that you start seeing that number go up, and you see 60 percent reporting, you see 70 percent reporting, you start wondering how many more votes really could be there in a box somewhere in Portland that will pull this out. And then like you’re describing, you’re describing, I think, you’re very aptly describing that feeling of “oh my god, just say it”. Because I see it. I don’t believe it, I see it, why aren’t you just saying it because, oh my god, another one just turned red, why isn’t someone not saying what’s really happening here. And I really in my heart believed that at least some — I know they were trying to be journalistically canny and trying to be fair and trying to not freak out, but I bet you we’re going to hear a lot about a lot of things, and I bet one of the things we’re going to hear is how many people just can’t believe what happened on numerous levels. The failures or shortcomings of everything from our own perception to how we learn about what people think to how we choose to believe anybody else could see the world. I feel like I’ve just come out of a cult or something and I don’t know what I even think anymore. I mean, I know what I think, I know how I feel, I’m here to talk to you about how I feel, but I don’t know what to trust about my brain anymore.

Gruber: It was very frustrating, I thought, last night because what I want is somebody who knows as much shit about the goddamn new MacBook Pros as I do. I want somebody who knows that much about the elections to tell me what the hell is going on. And I felt like I wasn’t getting it. I felt like I was getting people who were as loosely informed as I was going like, “I don’t know, this seems kind of crazy, this is unexpected.” And I’m looking at the numbers on screen and I’m thinking, why won’t somebody just tell me, Florida is already lost. It was at the point, it was at least two hours after the point where me as a non-expert was looking at Florida’s numbers and thinking, this is gone, before they said, okay, Florida is in the Trump column. And I’m like, why did that take two hours? That’s crazy.

Mann: I can actually see this in my Safari, the two things that it says, “Do you want to visit this site?” on your iPad, the two of those have been 538 and The Upshot. The Upshot has done a really good job of graphically displaying whatever information they had. And you know, don’t yell at them, they’re just reporting the polls. But one of my favorite things to look at, because it’s very interesting, is the How Other Forecasts Compare area, which I’m sure you’ve seen. So this has not been updated since yesterday, but as of yesterday, New York Times, 85 percent Democrat. 538, the very conservative 538, really, in context, they were very conservative compared to the others, they got a lot of heat, 71 percent. Huffington Post: 98 percent Democratic. PW, I’m not sure what that is: 89 percent. PEC: greater than 99 percent Dem.

Gruber: Oh, that’s the Princeton Election something.

Mann: PW is PredictWise. So the 538 was the most pessimistic with the 71 percent.

Gruber: The Princeton Election Committee, or whatever the hell they’re called, I love the guy and I’m not doubting the statistical math behind the projection but that was how I slept the last few nights. [laughs]

Mann: Oh my god. Also they use WordPress. Anything else you want to tell me about today, anything you like?

Gruber: Should we talk about these buttons on the keyboards? [laughs]

Mann: Sure, sure, I just, at this happy point I thought you might want to wedge another sponsor to visit. I’ll help with the sponsor.

Gruber: I’m going to tell you, this is a new sponsor, first-time sponsor of the show. And I love it. I don’t know if you know this or not, I spend about 180 days a year at Disney World. I love Disney, and for the first time ever, Disney is sponsoring the show.

Mann: Oh, that’s so nice, that must’ve taken a long time to work out.

Gruber: Have you heard this though? This might be new to you, you might not have even heard about this, Merlin. It’s called Circle. Circle with Disney.

Mann: You’re not kidding me?

Gruber: I’m not kidding you, I am not kidding you, this is an actual sponsor.

Mann: Oh my gosh.

Gruber: It really is Disney. It’s a device called Circle. And it’s a little dingus. [laughs]

Mann: Look at that, it is a little dingus, it looks like the power adapter that comes with your iPhone.

Gruber: Exactly. You plug this into your house, it pairs with any Wi-Fi router —

Mann: [gasps] Oh my god.

Gruber: — that you might want. And what you can do is set up a thing so that if you have kids, you can manage their internet access.

Mann: Oh my god, this is so boss.

Gruber: It’s $99, one-time cost. But if you use the code “thetalkshow”, don’t forget the “the”, “thetalkshow”, you’ll save $10, it’s only $89. And you can get this — one-time cost, you can get Circle Go, which is like a service, you can get it for $10 a month, $9.95, for up to 10 devices. But it’s only for iOS. It’s super easy to set up. There’s nothing worse than setting up a complicated networking device. I mean, I’ve done it —

Mann: John, that’s table stakes nowadays. If you want to penetrate the market, as you like to say —

Gruber: [laughs]

Mann: — you’re going to have to come out with a device that has as little fiddle-y — save the fiddle-y stuff for your coffee, let Circle manage your content for you, you know what I’m saying?

Gruber: Exactly. If you’re going to spend a lot of time on something, it might as well be making your coffee. Circle with Disney lets parents filter content, customize what’s available, customize the time that kids can be on the internet. It’s amazing. Kids staying up late on their tablet — Circle with Disney lets you set a bedtime for each kid on each device. What about 4G? Because you think, hey, I’ll shut off the Wi-Fi, my kid will just hop on LTE. They know that your kids already have, probably, especially if they’re teenage years, they already have a smartphone and they already have that, so that’s why they make Circle Go. Disney Circle Go takes all the settings on your kids’ devices and lets you configure them with you Circle with Disney.

Mann: What?

Gruber: I swear to god, I don’t even know how that works.

Mann: Is it an MDM, how does it work? You know what it is, John, it’s Disney magic, they can use that.

Gruber: Disney magic. So here you go, if you got kids and you want to manage their access to the internet on your Wi-Fi, remember the code, “thetalkshow”. Go to meetcircle.com. M-E-E-T, not “meat” like we’re going to eat steak or whatever. It’s like you’re meeting somebody, you’re greeting somebody. meetcircle.com. And you get free shipping and $10 off with that code, “thetalkshow”. It’s a great device, super easy. They sent me one, I did, I set it up, it is super easy to set up. I mean, my kid actually is, just between me and you, is maybe sort of not the sharpest tack in the room because he — I don’t think he actually tries to go to anything that we wouldn’t approve of?

Mann: Hmm. Doesn’t it disappoint you a little bit?

Gruber: A little bit because I know —

Mann: Don’t you want him to be a little bit more ambitious?

Gruber: Yeah, a little bit. I would think that he would but — so we set it up and it was super easy to set it up. They sent me the thing and I set it up and it’s like, do we really need this? I don’t know because it seems to me like our kid just comes to us and he’s like, “Hey, is it okay if I search Google for blah blah blah?”

Mann: Wow, but you know what, belts and suspenders. Have a good kid and get yourself a Circle.

Gruber: Exactly, that’s what I thought, exactly.

Mann: Good deal.

Gruber: Couldn’t be easier to set up. It’s a beautiful little device. So go to meetcircle.com and remember the code “thetalkshow”, you will save $10 and get free shipping. There you go.

Mann: Just for what it’s worth, for now, it appears that meatcircle.com with an A is available. [laughs]

Gruber: [laughs]

Mann: You know what? I’m just going to go there. As a man from San Francisco, I’m here to tell you, if there was a website called Meat Circle with an A, about circles of meat, I got a pretty good feeling that Meet Circle with two E’s would not let you see it.

Gruber: I could’ve sworn that was the name of the restaurant where we went the last time I was out there.

Mann: Mmm. Meat Circle.

Gruber: We’re making a joke but it actually is not a bad name for a — not bad at all.

Mann: Think about those tourist-y sushi places you go where it arrives on the boat and they just count your plates, what if there was a rotating, let’s call it a carousel, a carne carousel, you’ve got a spinning meat Lazy Susan. And you could just try all different things, it would be kind of like going to a Brazilian steakhouse but with a technology. I think people would love that, Meat Circle. I think they’d gobble that up.

Gruber: At the Brazilian steakhouse, the ones I’ve been to — we’ve got two here in Philly, we’ve got Fogo de Chão and we’ve got — I forget what the other one’s called. The other one’s better.

Mann: [laughs] Ringing endorsement from John Gruber!

Gruber: Ringing endorsement.

Mann: Yeah, we’ve got one here, it’s costly but it’s a lot of fun — if you go at lunch, you don’t get as many varieties of meat.

Gruber: No, no, at the lunch you get screwed.

Mann: Lunch, they got chicken hearts.

Gruber: They desperately want you to come in at lunch.

Mann: [with an accent] “Would you like more chicken heart? Corazón de pollo?” Yes, I know that’s Spanish. We’re like, we’re good, we’re good. How about some more of that tri-tip? “Yeah, maybe you try the chicken heart. It’s on a sword. I think you’ll find it quite toothsome.” And the tiny little sausages?

Gruber: I love the little sausages.

Mann: My favorite I think is the straight-up, salty sirloin.

Gruber: All right, the other one here in Philadelphia is called Chima. That’s the good one. Fogo de Chão is a little... I don’t know, a little... you save like five bucks, there’s always like an all you can eat type deal.

Mann: Oh, you don’t want to be buying meat on price. Nuh-uh.

Gruber: Chima is the good one. But for anybody who hasn’t been to one of these places, both of them, at least here, and I’ve been to Fogo de Chão — you know, it’s going to be funny because it might come up again later in the show — in Austin, Texas, I’ve been to Fogo de Chão.

Mann: [laughs] You meet a lot of interesting people in Austin. “You okay, man?”

Gruber: But it’s the same deal though where you go into this place, and there’s these cowboys walking around who grill the steak, and they give everybody a little thing, red light/green light.

Mann: “Obrigado.” Yeah, more steak/less steak, red and green. Red steak/green steak.

Gruber: If you put it green side up, if the guy is coming around with whatever cut of steak he’s made, he’ll say, hey do you want some? And you say, yes or no.

Mann: They usually ask you, but if you have it on green, they’re not legally obligated to ask.

Gruber: Right, they might just give it to you.

Mann: That’s the law of Rio, it’s called, from the Magna Carta. They can come right up and put whatever meat suits them on your plate, and you have to eat it, and they don’t have to ask you, you don’t have to say your thank you, they’re just going to literally keep bringing meat until you can get your swollen, greasy fingers to change it to “obrigado”.

Gruber: [laughs] That is true, that is the law of the Brazilian steakhouse.

Mann: [laughs] You know what the other law is, don’t fill up on salad, that’s the second law. Second law of the Brazilian steakhouse, because that’s how they get you, they want you to fill up on potato salad and shit, don’t do that because they’re going to bring you a bunch of chicken hearts in a minute.

Gruber: And they always have, everyone, doesn’t matter what the name of the steakhouse is, if it’s a Brazilian steakhouse, it’s always a salad bar where you can go up and go hog wild on the salad.

Mann: Ours has a hot bar too, ours is called Espetus, and boy, is it ever good. Is that what yours is called, Buca di Beppo, Beppo di Buca, what’s yours called?

Gruber: [laughs] Well, we got two, we got Fogo de Chão, and we got Chima.

Mann: Espetus, they got a really nice salad bar of some unconventional salads, some non-traditional salads, and they got a hot bar, so if you want black beans and white rice, not a problem. You can go up there and get yourself some fake-y paella. It’s by the bathroom. Wash your hands, come out, get a plate. But that’s rule number two, rule number two of steakhouse club is that you don’t fill up — and bread, they’re going to give the cheesy bread, fuck that! Rule number three of the Brazilian steakhouse, do not fill up on the fucking — I’m talking to you, daughter! Big glass of milk. That’s for meat! Don’t fill up on that.

Gruber: And the cheesy bread is good.

Mann: It’s good, but that’s how they get you.

Gruber: [laughs] It’s so true.

Mann: It’s really disappointing.

Gruber: There’s a reason why at a regular steakhouse, where I mean “regular” meaning you don’t get an unlimited red light/green light meat, that they don’t also have a “just eat as much as you want at the salad bar” salad bar.

Mann: Exactly.

Gruber: It is true, you said “that’s how they get you” and that is, I think, for me and you, “that’s how they get you” is sort of a catchphrase of our parents’ generation. They would explain the way those systems work.

Mann: That’s the single greatest piece of conventional wisdom for everybody older than me. [in a low voice] “You’re going to 7-Eleven? Oh, you’re going to get one of those Big Gulps? Oh, how much is that, it’s a dollar? You know what that costs? A nickel. That’s how they get you.” Is that right? “You’re buying a Japanese car? That’s how they get you.”

Gruber: I remember somebody telling me that we you went to 7-Eleven, that you had to be careful of how much ice you put in the cup because —

Mann: “Don’t put ice in. That’s how they get you.”

Gruber: Right, that no matter what size cup you got, they’d fill it up with ice and you’d get the same amount of soda even if you got the 64-ounce — which is bullshit! Like, a 64-ounce soda is an enormous amount of soda, but there were people who told me in my youth that that’s how they get you.

Mann: It’s like the secret menu for cheapskates. It’s the things that you can get away with. [in a low voice] “Hey, listen, so you know when you go to this place, you can ask for extra rolls to take home and they have to give it to you.” We used to run a restaurant when I was a kid, and it would be the same people who were very unhappy, every weekend would come in, and they came here to be unhappy together. Same people who complained about the same things every time, there was a one couple who always came in, always got the same really crappy deuce right by the bar, and then they would complain about the noise in the bar, and then they would steal literally everything off the table. Every week, they would take all the silverware, the salt and pepper shakers, they would take the Sweet’N Low, they would take the sugar, they would take the flower arrangement, and then we’d have them back the next week. And that was just the thing we did. Florida.

Gruber: [laughs] We had like a —

Mann: I’m having a hard day, John, I gotta be honest with you, I’m having a hard day.

Gruber: You know what, I don’t know who else would do this with me, Merlin. Honestly.

Mann: Well, we were not going to scoop up every single person, but I think it’s good that we’re here, it’s good we’re here to talk about this.

Gruber: Right, so, Amy and I, you know this, maybe people who listen to this show don’t know this. My wife, Amy and I, and people maybe know her on Twitter, she’s @amyjane, but we literally were in the same kindergarten class together. We were in school together from kindergarten all the way through twelfth grade, then we were separated for the college years, somehow made it work. And here we are, now we’re married and we’re on Twitter, we’re married on Twitter.

Mann: [laughs]

Gruber: But we’ve often said though, it is an amazing thing that we spent our teenage years together because we can tell stories about our teenage years and instead of like, oh my god, just blacking out, rolling your eyes because your significant other, your partner is talking about being 14 years old, you’re like, oh my god, I remember that, and you’re like, I was there and yes, that is true. So where we grew up, everybody was a member — it was a public pool, it was public but you had to pay, your family had to pay like a hundred bucks a year to get in or something like that, so it wasn’t like you could just show up. But everybody was a member, you’d get a special badge, every year they’d put up a new color badge and you’d sew it on your swimsuit, so when you showed up at the pool, they could see that you were a paid member. And as a teenager, every day, every single day in the summer what I would do is I would wake up, I would go play basketball because I was an avid basketball player, I’d play basketball from like 11 am till 1 in the afternoon, and when it got just too goddamn hot to keep playing basketball, we would head over to the pool and that’s where we would go. And at the pool there was a snack bar. And the snack bar sold, like, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Swedish Fish. I think your entire selection of food offerings were Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Swedish Fish, which were a penny a piece, and they would count them out, and it would take forever.

Mann: [with an accent] “One, two, three. Three Swedish Fish. Now back to the pool with you, and wait a half hour before you go back in.”

Gruber: And they had a soda fountain. Long story short, at some point in my teenage years, somebody convinced me that they were screwing me over by filling my cup up with ice.

Mann: Because that’s how they get you.

Gruber: Yeah, that’s how they get you! So I would go over and get my — I would say like, “Give me a Dr Pepper, no ice.”

Mann: They’ll never see that coming.

Gruber: Two points, I have two points to make on this. Number one, warm Dr Pepper tastes like shit, it is horrible, it really is.

Mann: [smacks lips] The pruney-ness really comes out. You don’t realize how pruney Dr Pepper is until you have it at room temperature. It tastes like some kind of a 19th century elixir.

Gruber: And number two, this is the point — you’re going to love this, Merlin, you’re going to love it. About two or three weeks after I started ordering my sodas no ice and my friends were doing the same, it wasn’t just me, it was a bunch of us, they changed their policy —

Mann: [gasps]

Gruber: — and if you ordered your soda no ice, they only filled it to one inch below the cup.

Mann: Wow. Because of portion control.

Gruber: Right. And we would say like, “Give me a large Dr Pepper, no ice.” And they’d only fill it an inch below the rim and then you’d be like, “Wait, that’s not filled”, and they would be like, “Well, that’s where the ice would go.” [laughs]

Mann: It’s like one of those bars, bars with robot dispensers. You know what I mean, like, there are some bars now where when you get a drink, it’s like a — the robot does it, it tells it, this is exactly an ounce or half an ounce or whatever. Oh, that’s sickening, my god, and they got you again, that’s how they got you a second time.

Gruber: The thing is, in hindsight, one reaffirms the other, where on the one hand, it tasted terrible because it wasn’t cold, but on the other hand, the fact that they started screwing you on how much soda, reaffirms the initial reason why you did it, which was this is how they get you, because if it wasn’t how they got you, why would they be screwing you on how much soda they put in the cup.

Mann: Absolutely. The system always wins.

Gruber: System always wins, and this is honestly how we wound up with President Trump.

Mann: You blame the system?

Gruber: If you connect the dots, I would say that 1987 at the Antietam pool, a no ice Dr Pepper only being filled one inch below the rim dot dot dot here you go, 2016, President Trump. Do you agree?

Mann: It makes perfect sense.

Gruber: I think it’s a clear line.

Mann: When you put it that way, I see it. I’m thinking of any kind of documentary, not a documentary, but a docudrama, like you do something like And the Band Played On. And the Band Played On is about the AIDS epidemic, but it begins with Matthew Modine dealing with the Ebola and that sets us up for all the flashbacks. Paul McCartney walks by, sees a bass in the window, “Oh, one day I’ll be playing that at the Cavern Club”, you know, “As you know, Bob, this is what I ended up doing.”

Gruber: [laughs]

Mann: And so in this case, a young John Gruber, hot from basketball, 11:01 every day, he wants to take a dip, buy three cents worth of Swedish Fish, and have himself a refreshing cup of Dr Pepper. And now today everybody’s at school crying. You put it that way and I see it now.

Gruber: I think it’s a direct line. Jesus Christ, Merlin.

Mann: How did everybody get so — so I was telling you I was listening to all these podcasts, usually I’m getting six podcasts a day in the run-up to this, and boy, it was like radio silence this morning. There was one NPR Politics episode I think they recorded last night, there was a pretty short — what was the other one, 1600 finally came out, but so far today no Culture Gabfest, maybe John’s busy. No Trumpcast, still haven’t heard Election Profit Makers, it’s been a real quiet —

Gruber: Crickets chirping.

Mann: I don’t know how many of those things you listen to but I’m sitting there, flippity flippity flippity, like, come on, Overcast, let me “experience my emotions”, as my hippie girlfriend used to say. I want to experience my emotions, I want to walk through this.

Gruber: Again, I’m being more jovial than usual and quite frankly —

Mann: Well, it’s the holiday season.

Gruber: Right, quite frankly, without taking another sip of any beverage, I might be drunk for the next 72 hours based on how much I drank last night. So, you know.

Mann: You gave yourself a contact high.

Gruber: It’s table stakes. Let’s just face it.

Mann: It’s a complicated time, for sure.

Gruber: But I think it might be enjoyable. But here is what I thought. I’m going to be deadly serious here, and again, apolitical, it doesn’t matter what side you’re on, but there was a moment yesterday, let’s say 24 hours ago and as we record, no results were in, so it wasn’t even like, oh, it looks bad for her, it looks good for him or whatever. 24 hours ago, I thought, you know what, I should’ve done a show by now, I should’ve had a new episode. I don’t have a regular schedule, I don’t record on a regular schedule, and the reason I didn’t record a show is I thought, I can’t, I’m so distracted by this election, I don’t want to do a show because that’s all I can think about. And I realized, in hindsight, I should’ve done a show, not for myself, but because, hey, I’ll bet, tens of thousands of people who listen to my show would love to just distract themselves with me talking about the goddamn key travel on a new MacBook Pro. Like, two hours of me talking about what it’s like to type on the new MacBook Pro. In my mind, it was like, well, what a waste of fucking time, but in hindsight, I thought, that actually would’ve been great for the people who love the stuff that I do. And I should’ve done it. And then I woke up today and I thought, well, now I’ve got to get Merlin.

Mann: Yeah, I mean, basically, it’s been a really weird morning and my only thought was, like I said in the text to you, my only plan for this entire day was to try to stay sane and clean the shit out of the car.

Gruber: [laughs]

Mann: My whole plan for the day was — my wife biked to work today and I was like, “So, uh, how about I clean the car today?” And she’s like, “Yeah, that’s fine.” So I go out there, I got the vinegar —

Gruber: [laughs]

Mann: — I got the baking soda, I got the mini vac, I got the big vac, I’m taking it all out, I’m taking the whole thing apart, and I’m scrubbing it like a crazy person because I need to control a small area today.

Gruber: I did that yesterday, Merlin, I swear to god, I mean, seriously, go DM her right now, you can DM Amy, yesterday —

Mann: Is she at the holiday party too?

Gruber: No, she’s actually — she probably will be soon, but she’s not at the holiday party yet.

Mann: You know, the reason you didn’t get an invitation is because you asked for an invite. If you ask for an invite, you don’t get an invitation.

Gruber: You know my feelings on invites.

Mann: That’s rule number five of the Brazilian steakhouse.

Gruber: You never get invite. [laughs]

Mann: There is no invite, it’s not a word. Stop saying that.

Gruber: Yesterday, I swear to god, you can — I swear to god, DM her and find out —

Mann: You cleaned the car?

Gruber: No, what I did is I vacuumed in our dining room. [laughs]

Mann: [makes a vacuum cleaner noise]

Gruber: Our kid, he loves corn chips, he eats a lot of tacos, he just likes corn chips, and there was just a ton of ground-up corn chips underneath our dining room table and I thought, what better — why not now, let’s get the —

Mann: Somebody’s got to get these corn chips off.

Gruber: Somebody’s got to get them. And my wife came down. And, I mean — shocker — 99 times out of 100 when somebody vacuums up the corn chips, it’s my wife, not me. And my wife was like, “What the fuck are you doing?”

Mann: Oh, I cleaned the shit out of our dishes last night. I cleaned dishes I didn’t need to clean. I cleaned the cast-iron pan twice and then this is a life hack, you can use kosher salt and you can rub it around in there without harming it, you don’t want to put soap in there. So I did that a couple times, with the kosher salt. And they still kept turning red. Stopped at one point to watch Parks and Recreation because my daughter was on the verge. So we watched a very good, relevant episode of Parks and Rec where she narrowly wins the election, because it’s an educational program for a 9-year-old. We’ve got to talk a little bit about what we got wrong, don’t you think? I mean, is that too much, is that too deep? We could talk about the keyboard, you know, I’m not using my Das because I’m on the podcast but I could type on my Das if that would help.

Gruber: No, I think we should, I think we should talk about what we got wrong.

Mann: It’s got some amazing key travel, listen to this, let’s see. [types on a clicky keyboard]

Gruber: Oh, that sounds good.

Mann: You want to talk about key travel? [continues typing] “Sixth rule of Brazilian steakhouse.” I don’t know what kind of Cherry that is, that could be Cherry Blue, Cherry Brown, I’d have to have Jason [Snell] listen to this. You know, Jason types very fast.

Gruber: For two or three seconds there I completely forgot about this election. [laughs]

Mann: Oh, isn’t that nice. We can talk about it. It seems so relevant. “Yes, that’s all very interesting, but will I be dissatisfied with the butterfly switches on my computer?” AAAAA!

Gruber: I have photographed myself — kids call them a selfie — with Jason Snell —

Mann: I yesterday watched the video of you using an Escape key. “Is it over here, no? Uh, over here?”

Gruber: I had to delete that tweet.

Mann: Oh, because it’s a loaner?

Gruber: Turns out the embargo is not up yet. [laughs]

Mann: Oh man, the embargo still counts, even today? Doesn’t that seem ludicrous that anybody is doing anything today? Doesn’t it seem crazy that anybody is at work while worrying —

Gruber: Yes, it does. That’s exactly what I thought yesterday. Long story short, I tweeted a video of me using an Escape key on a MacBook Pro, and the embargo is not up on those MacBook Pros, but on the ones that have the physical keys, it is up and I just — it was yesterday and I was so — I mean, this is what I was thinking, why not obsess over the Escape key? [laughs]

Mann: Absolutely.

Gruber: I would love to spend the next four years thinking about Escape keys. It just seems like, wake me up four years from now when the next election is over and I’ll spend the entire, between now and then, just dealing with Escape keys.

Mann: Our friend Marco even said, “Hey, you know, I would get into sports if I could get that back.” I’ve gotten two emails today, one email was a 2FA to get into my Apple on the web when you sent me the notes for this, and the other one was somebody who just sent me an email today. And I was like, what the fuck? You sent me an email today? Who sends a fucking email the day after the election? I mean, it’s the way we used to feel about Christmas. It’d be like having a vacuum salesman at your house on Christmas morning. Why are you, what are you doing? Don’t you live in a civil society? You don’t send somebody an email on the day like today. What are you thinking? How did that even cross your mind to do that? I’m sending texts to my friends and saying, “Are you okay?” That’s what I’ve been doing all morning, is texting my friends to say, “Are you okay?”

Gruber: The sun never even came out here.

Mann: Oh dear.

Gruber: We’ve had about 36 hours of complete darkness. I’m not even making that up, it’s actually been a very dreary day.

Mann: You did go red.

Gruber: Yeah, and amazing thing — and I thought, well, this is a good sign — is yesterday, election day, it was beautiful! It was 62 and sunny.

Mann: Oh, what a good sign! What a great sign.

Gruber: Not a cloud in the skies. [laughs]

Mann: Everything’s coming up Milhouse.

Gruber: Yeah.

Mann: [laughs] But to return to that, because I just need to vent a little more, is, like, even at last night, and even when it got bad, and even with the needle moved past the 50 percent, that 2015 part of my brain said, “Calm the fuck down, there’s no way —” I mean, how late was it before you started to flip and then how long did it take for you to really say “oh shit”.

Gruber: That’s a very good question.

Mann: Because there were a plenty of chances and you expected that it would go back and forth, this is how it works, electoral —

Gruber: I started to feel really bad in my stomach when it took so long to call Virginia because —

Mann: So you’re okay with Florida because you realize, big state, lots of places, two time zones, there’s a lot going on in Florida.

Gruber: And I am enough of a political nerd where I kind of — I do feel like this election flipped a lot of the conventional wisdom, but the conventional wisdom is still basically true. And Virginia being so long was like a really bad sign. So Hillary Clinton ended up winning Virginia but the fact that it took so long to call it was really where it — so I would say, at least on the East Coast time, it was around, I don’t know, around 10 o’clock, so probably 7 o’clock your time where I just thought, the fact that they’re not willing to Virginia is a really bad sign.

Mann: I think I started to really get the fear a little before that. Last night — you know how you do the benefits where if you go and buy at this restaurant, the school gets money? We try to do this. So girls went out to get some poke at the poke place, poke bowl. And they were gone for a while, and they came back in, and I was like, “This is not good.” It was a situation where — you know, I follow this enough to know, okay, here’s the battleground states, I don’t need an infographic to understand the importance of that. Being somebody who’s followed this more closely than I would ever admit in public until today, I knew that there’s a handful of places that are going to make a difference. And I explained this with my kid, yeah, California’s got a lot of electoral votes, but what is it they say about companies, that’s baked into the price, or built into the price. We go into this knowing that there’s a really good chance, there’s a way beyond good chance that California is going to go this way. There’s a very good chance that, say, Utah is going to go this way etc., etc., etc. So you really focus on — it’s like we’re not going to worry about the ponds, we’re going to worry about the road that’s right in front of us here. These are the big things. And I kept going, okay, haha, here we go, I’m not going to have a drink, this is going to be fine. And I just kept thinking, okay, it’s time for a few of these to go from white to blue. And I kept thinking, feels like it’s really time for these to go from white to blue. To, like, well, this seems quite irregular. Why are more of these not flipping to blue? And that’s where I got to the headspace you’re in where you’re like, what is taking so long? We thought that was going to be one of the firewall states. What happened with that? And I bet that along with a lot of other people watching this, that’s probably around the time we had the WTF maybe aloud moment of going like, what if this is something — I don’t want to say fundamentally different because it isn’t like it started as an election and turned into a tennis game. It was an election that ended as an election. But at the same time there’s so many things that we thought to some level of certainty we understood about this — I’m sorry to keep coming back to this, but this is just where my emotions and my mind are today is I’m still stunned. I’m still stunned with how much I did not understand about what was happening. And then you go and you look at the polls. And you go and you look at the reporting on all of this. And I think it’s probably about five times worse for a journalist today. Like, listening to the NPR podcast this morning and they were just like, “Uh, yeah, this is real different than anything we had imagined could happen.” Do we rule out — just to get this out of the way because there’s certainly some part of your brain that goes, huh, it’s weird. If I were going to make a program that affected the elections, if I were going to do some kind of an exploit, I would make it look close for a while and then win by a little bit. Like, you’re a gambler. Right?

Gruber: I am.

Mann: Are we ruling that out? Do we feel like — that’s probably not — I just want to get it out of the way so we can move on.

Gruber: Yeah, I don’t think so.

Mann: Do you think there was meddling? I kind of do.

Gruber: No, I don’t, I don’t think so. I think it’s a totally legit election.

Mann: And that’s the problem.

Gruber: There was a period I would say between 8 and 10 Eastern time last night, we had MSNBC on before 8, but 8 was when real results —

Mann: That’s when polls start closing and you start being able to say something.

Gruber: Right. So from 8 to 10 I was kind of rolling my eyes and I kind of felt like MSNBC was sandbagging it to make it look close. There was that —

Mann: “Sandbagging” is a great word for it. They’re milking it, this is their last chance. They need to make this seem like a horse race up to the end. And everyone kept saying how close it was. That was the watchword of the night. This is so much closer than anybody thought.

Gruber: And there was an interchange between Rachel Maddow and — what’s the guy’s name, the guy who got fired from the big seat at NBC.

Mann: Tom Brokaw?

Gruber: No. He got demoted, not fired, but demoted.

Mann: Oh, oh, Brian Williams.

Gruber: Brian Williams, that’s it. There was an exchange between Brian Williams and Rachel Maddow where they kind of went meta and they were like, we are not fucking with you, honest to god, this is as up in the air as we’re making it seem. And it was right around that 10 o’clock at night moment where I thought, like, the fact that they are not willing to call Virginia yet, this is — something is going on. That’s where I thought, hey, this isn’t just the TV, they’re not just playing this for ratings.

Mann: Right, right. Yeah, I felt something similar. CBS did a really good job. I didn’t love every single one of the folks on, I think they could’ve done with fewer than six people and just let Dickerson talk more. But it was a very good group. I felt a similar thing at a lot of what I was looking at. And that’s when we were talking earlier about screaming WTF — I don’t know why I’m suddenly so precious about language. But there did get to be this feeling that you’re describing of almost like, we need to break the fourth wall for a minute here. Like, we all understand that there’s a performance aspect to this. A polling site is going to get less traffic if it’s a solid 85/14 for a year. If it’s a pretty solid 85/14 for a year, that’s not going to get as much traffic as something where those numbers are changing. So we get cynical about that, we understand clickbait and all that kind of stuff. But now I agree with you, I think there was a certain point or maybe I was just inferring this with my own increasingly frazzled mentality, but it really felt like they were struggling with it too. And so we’re avoiding getting to this but, you know, the polls. You go listen to anybody, and I told you in a text today, I’ve been listening to the FiveThirtyEight podcast and between Nate and Harry they always try to say, like, tamp down this irrational exuberance about what this means. Nate got burned pretty bad on Trump because at one point he said, he’s now famous for saying that he thought Trump — I can’t believe I’m saying his name — had a less than 20 percent chance of becoming the GOP candidate. And that really came back to bite him and I think he clamped down super hard with the model. And listen to that show all along, how they developed the model, updates to the model, what’s happening with the model. But I think they have all along been trying to tamp that down. But I had this really sick feeling where I want to hear this but I don’t want to hear this, I want to hear what they have to say because they were the most conservative and it was still so — I haven’t seen a side by side yet, I have not seen a side by side on how it turned out vs. what each polling site modeled. But that’s going to be a hell of a story. What parts of that broke down and how did I break down? I mean I’d like to think of myself as an empathetic person, I’m fond of quoting that old Renoir movie and saying “everybody has their reasons”. I think I’m a fairly empathetic person about this but I did not know realize how deep something was in this election. How deep some set of feelings and I think there’s a variety of feelings, I think just calling it racist or misogynistic is a little shortsighted, there’s something maybe even deeper than that going on there, and I called that way wrong.

Gruber: Yeah, and it is clearly — subtract white men and the election is a blowout for Hillary Clinton.

Mann: In the model, but a lot of white women came out.

Gruber: It’s true.

Mann: That’s the crazy part.

Gruber: And it’s weird, like, what is the difference, why was the white — whether you’re a man or a woman — angle so definitive here and not when the black guy was running the last two elections, you know what I mean?

Mann: Look at the margins, look at the margins in the — god, listen to me, I fucking hate myself. [in a mocking voice] “Let’s all look at the margins in the battleground states.” But look at the margins, the ’08, the ’12, and Hillary margins. And Wilkes-Barre — I don’t know if that’s how you pronounce it. But that’s one Obama ran away with. He won by like 20 points.

Gruber: Pennsylvania has gone blue since ’92, I think? It’s crazy, it’s really, really weird. And the turnout was phenomenal in Philadelphia. I don’t know what you were watching, you said that you were watching —

Mann: CBS and CNN.

Gruber: Right, but on MSNBC they kept cutting to Philadelphia and they were showing crazy long lines.

Mann: North Carolina, you see a line where somebody takes their iPhone — ugh, in portrait mode — and walks along and you just see several hundred black people waiting to vote and you’re like, well, clearly, part of this — when they say, like, the whole percentage reporting — well, what if we don’t know how many people have actually voted? And then they kept going, oh, maybe this is really going to pull it out, maybe North Carolina is going to be the one.

Gruber: I think for whatever reason they’re going to show — I think the results will show that the turnout in the middle of all these states where the rural areas, that the turnout was just phenomenal and hasn’t been even in the Obama election years. For whatever reason, Trump turned these people out. I don’t get it, but it’s there.

Mann: I need to dash in a bit. Did you want to tell me about one more thing that you’re excited about this week? I’m very happy to help if I can. That’s the eighth rule, the eighth rule was there are no sixth and seventh rules of Brazilian steakhouse. The ninth rule is you help a buddy with a read. Obrigado, obrigado.

Gruber: It’s a new sponsor, brand new company. Well, maybe you’ve heard of them, you’re juiced in.

Mann: Yeah, I am juiced in.

Gruber: Have you ever heard of the company called Squarespace?

Mann: Squarespace, is that with an S?

Gruber: With an S, Squarespace is —

Mann: Are you talking about the single best place to go to have a website, a portfolio, or an online store?

Gruber: Yeah. That’s exactly what it is.

Mann: You know what, yes, I do, I’ve heard of Squarespace, yeah.

Gruber: Well, you’re more juiced in than I am, I’ve never heard of this company.

Mann: I’m a little more juiced in, yeah.

Gruber: I’ve never heard of this company but you can start building your own website today.

Mann: Does it require a credit card?

Gruber: It does not but if you use this code, “talkshow”, now, they don’t have the “the”, it’s just “talkshow”, but you’ll get 10 percent off whatever level you end up signing up at, but you can sign up for free with no credit card.

Mann: Are you telling me you could start literally, literally building your website today with Squarespace by going to squarespace.com, is that what you’re telling me?

Gruber: If you have any notion in your head for, hey, that should be a website, I could make a website that is blank. And it could be, like you said, a portfolio of your work. It could be a store where you sell the... crap that you make. [laughs] Could be a blog, could be a podcast. Could be anything. If you just start by going to squarespace.com, you are almost certainly will have an easier time doing it than if you do it in any other way.

Mann: Is there any benefit at all of signing up for a year?

Gruber: I think you get a free domain?

Mann: You get a free domain name if you sign up for a year.

Gruber: Free domain. Are you looking at my screen? [laughs]

Mann: Yes. Why do you have your home screen like that?

Gruber: If you sign up for a year —

Mann: [in an internet critic voice] “Your Dock’s in the wrong place.”

Gruber: — you can get a free domain name. So literally, they cover everything from registering the domain name to the layout of your site, the fonts, the style. Is it a portfolio site where you’re showing the illustrations you make, is it a store where you’re selling T-shirts, is it a blog — all that stuff, you can set up visually, they have —

Mann: I don’t know, man, what if I’m a developer and I want to get my hands on the actual code, is there any way, do they have any provision for that, probably not, because it’s Squarespace, right? They wouldn’t have a platform for that?

Gruber: You would think that they wouldn’t, you would think it’s all just — you’ve got to click, click, click, but the truth is, Merlin, this is amazing, if you want to get in there and you want to write your own JavaScript code and put it in there, you can do it.

Mann: Right on the website, you can do that?

Gruber: Right on the website. You can just get in there and insert your own code.

Mann: But the thing is, with all these sites, if I run into any kind of trouble, I’m on my own, is that correct? Let’s say I run into some kind of trouble, maybe I get confused, maybe I follow the wrong tutorial from John Siracusa’s CPAN, and I do my backpack slashes the wrong way, is there anybody that can help me? What if you got a, what do they call it, a greedy enumerator, what if there’s something that’s accidentally eating your JavaScript, is there anybody that you can call?

Gruber: I would like to say that you are correct because you’re on this show and I don’t want to embarrass you, I would like to say yes, you’ve got to fix it yourself. The truth is though, they actually have 24 hour a day, real-time support.

Mann: Oh my god.

Gruber: You just call them up —

Mann: You can text them.

Gruber: Yeah. But they’ve got people, they’ve positioned them around the world, literally, if you think that I’m making this up —

Mann: What if I want to talk to somebody in Portland, is that anything they can help me with?

Gruber: Yeah, they’re in Portland, they’re in Ireland. They’ve positioned these people strategically around the world, so that when you need tech support, if you need tech support, you can get somebody on the horn —

Mann: It’s like the Doctor Strange portals! They’re protecting the globe with these three equidistant points and they put an entire web of support over the Earth and that keeps us away from Dormammu.

Gruber: Exactly.

Mann: That’s amazing. What’s the name of the service again?

Gruber: It’s called Squarespace. I think they’re going places, I think you’re going to hear about them. Keep it in mind, if you have a notion for a website, go to squarespace.com. Remember the code “talkshow”, no “the”, and you’ll get 10 percent off. But honestly, you don’t even need 10 percent off, even if you forget the code, just go there and sign up. It’s a great service.

Mann: And there could be somebody in your life today who needs this site and they don’t know it, but you do. That’s the thing. You do not want to be in the webmaster business, you don’t want to be making it for your pre-school, for your church group. You don’t want to be doing that. Get out of that business where you’ve got to know the SSH login to be able — no! You don’t need to do that anymore. Tell your friends and your family about this site because it’s perfect for somebody in your life.

Gruber: I’m tongue-and-cheek on this whole thing where you are jumping in on this, but that’s actually probably the single best advice about Squarespace is that keep it in mind for people who don’t listen to shows like The Talk Show because exactly, like if your kid’s preschool or the church group or whatever needs a website, guaranteed that is a better idea than you jumping in and saying, oh yeah, I’ll jump in and SSH in and start an index.html website — forget it, just go to Squarespace and cut yourself out of it. Totally true.

Mann: “Cut yourself out of it.” They’ve just got to run with that.

Gruber: Right. It’s totally true though.

Mann: [sighs]

Gruber: What are we going to do? I think we’re going to be okay.

Mann: Yeah, I think we will too. I share your interest and obsession with the whole idea of story. I’m doing a new show with a couple of friends of mine, we were talking last week about that Steve Jobs lost interview that you can see on Netflix. And I was realizing — forgive me if you’re one of the five people who listen to that show, but I’m very interested in the idea of how Apple and Steve Jobs and Pixar are so interested in the idea of story. Story about the company, story as a thing that we create. I was trying to make the case that Apple also, if you accept the notion that story is an abstraction layer, their computers and their devices are stories too. They’re taking out all of the inessential things and telling a great story with the minimal number of components needed to tell this story correctly. So I’ve been thinking a lot about story, and now today I’m thinking more about story because I feel like with our president-elect right now, you described something earlier, well, is this a victory for him? Or is it a victory for the party? Is it a defeat of the opposing party? It’s hard to know right now but the one thing I do feel that I need to learn more about before I try to do anything intelligent or rational, is to understand what stories he told, whether they’re true, whether they’re good, whether they’re accurate, whether they’re kind, whether they’re decent, whether they’re respectful. Whatever stories he’s telling meant a lot to people, and I think different parts of that story meant things to different people, and a lot of the folks in those red states found a way to overlook one to five terrible things about him because there was something about that story that worked for them. And the failure of imagination for me, as I sit here today, is that I don’t think I got that story well enough and I think like everybody else I missed it. I don’t know what’s going to change as a result of that, but I don’t know how I can proceed to do anything intelligently until I understand what I got wrong. I don’t want to point a finger, I don’t want to yell at Jill Stein, I want to first understand how I got it wrong and I think I didn’t get the story right.

Gruber: So I am of the opinion that in the 2000 election, that you can yell at Ralph Nader, that Ralph Nader really fucked that one up and you don’t even want to get my wife — you’ve probably heard her do it because that one is —

Mann: She has a few hot button issues.

Gruber: She has hot button issues and Ralph Nader in 2000 is one of them — is that Ralph Nader really fucked that one up. And I don’t feel like this is that at all. I’m with you, I don’t have any animosity towards the third-party candidates, towards Jill Stein or Joe [Schenectady?], whatever the guy’s name is [Gary Johnson].

Mann: Yeah, the pot guy, Joe [Schenectady?].

Gruber: The guy who doesn’t know where Aleppo is.

Mann: Aleppo is that Brazilian restaurant in Philadelphia.

Gruber: You know what? I think that’s the third —

Mann: That’s the twelfth rule of —

Gruber: Aleppo! If you yell “Aleppo”, you’ll always get a fresh cut of the house sirloin.

Mann: Don’t fill up on Aleppo.

Gruber: This isn’t that at all. It’s very different. And I tweeted it — my id comes out on Twitter. I tweet a lot looser than I blog. Even on this show, I’m looser on Twitter than I am anywhere else. And I tweeted before — I think it was two days ago where the Trump team had suggested that they’re going to appoint Rudy Giuliani as attorney general and —

Mann: You could not put those announcements — and Gingrich — you could not put that in Mad magazine and have it be plausible.

Gruber: And Newt Gingrich as secretary of state. And at this point, maybe that’s going to come to pass, and like you said, sounds like something out of Mad magazine, but honest to god, at least there’s a certain honesty to it. I think it’s preposterous, I don’t agree with it, I think it’s terrible, but at least they’re saying, this is how bad it’s going to be. I say “bad”, but this is how — you know.

Mann: Different.

Gruber: How different it’s going to be.

Mann: I think we can fairly say, things are going to be a little different for a while.

Gruber: [laughs] Yes, I think that’s exactly —

Mann: Did you see that video of Obama highfiving a little kid dressed like Superman?

Gruber: Yeah.

Mann: And then he fell down, Superman highfived him and he fell back. Like the force of that 5-year-old kid knocked him over. I don’t think you’re going to get so much of that anymore.

Gruber: Yeah, not so much.

Mann: I’m going to really, really miss that guy. Sorry, I cut you off there.

Gruber: No, I don’t know where I was going.

Mann: You’re going to edit this and put it out, this is going to help a lot of people.

Gruber: That’s exactly what I want.

Mann: I think you are probably one of the premier Brazilian steak podcasts that’s available today. I don’t know all of them, the thing is we can’t scoop up everybody, that’s the thing. We’re going to leave some people out of the Brazilian meat circle.

Gruber: Have you ever had the fried banana at a Brazilian steakhouse?

Mann: Shit, dawg! Hell yeah.

Gruber: [laughs] And here’s what I thought the first time I went, I was like, well, I’m not eating a fried banana, that sounds disgusting.

Mann: That’s how they get you. That’s how they get you.

Gruber: And that’s how they get it.

Mann: It’s pretty damn good.

Gruber: It’s really good, and next thing you know, you’re asking your guy, the guy thinks you’re asking for more of the top sirloin or the bottom sirloin, they’ve got like 13 different cuts of steak, and the guy thinks you’re going to ask for that, and you’re like, no, bring us another fried banana.

Mann: They should serve it on the sword though. That would make it more fun.

Gruber: They should.

Mann: Banana sword.

Gruber: I think the problem is it’s going to fall right off the sword, it’s going to cut right through it.

Mann: I agree. Do you get the little tongs on the table when you go? I love the little tongs.

Gruber: Oh, always. You’ve got to get the tongs.

Mann: Well, you get to participate a little bit. I don’t think they have to do that, but I like the fact that they cut most of it off, then they give you this look, they go, huh? And you grab your little tongs and you help with the rest of the way.

Gruber: They cut it about 80 percent of the way and then you take your tongs, and then they cut the rest of the way and you take your little slab of meat.

Mann: Mm. Now I want more Brazilian steak.

Gruber: I think that’s what America needs. America needs a Brazilian steak.

Mann: That’s a really good way — stronger together. I think it’s something we could all use. Do you feel like you’re going to be okay? I mean, after the holiday party is over. I know it’s probably too early to feel anything too coherently, but anything you’re thinking about going forward?

Gruber: All I keep thinking is — I am obsessed. I’ve taken this very hard. I am politically very fascinated — I’ve said this before, but when I first started thinking, I should start writing a blog, I had this name “Daring Fireball” in my pocket, and I thought, should I write about Apple and tech stuff or should I write about politics. And it was like a 50/50 call for me in 2002.

Mann: Wow. Wow.

Gruber: It really was, I really am that invested in this stuff.

Mann: Or maybe sports, did you ever consider sports?

Gruber: Sports is always up there.

Mann: I’m not being facetious, did it cross your mind?

Gruber: I’m totally serious, it did but not as much because I didn’t feel like it was as underserved. I felt like politics and tech were underserved by smart commentary.

Mann: Well, we both got lucky — obviously you’re way more successful than I was at this — but we had good timing on figuring out pie slice of a pie slice. Who would ever think somebody would want something about Mac productivity, like, most people don’t want a Mac site. Most people don’t want a productivity site. Who would want a Mac productivity site? That’s bananas. And in your case, there were not that many people out there doing what you were doing. But sports, a little more.

Gruber: Totally true. But I would tell you, previous elections, again, I’m glad that Barack Obama won the last two, I was despondent in 2000 and 2004 when George W. Bush won, but this one, I don’t just feel like my side lost, I feel a guilt. I feel like... You and I are almost identically aged, straight white men with wives and a kid, and our kids are both what, roughly 10 years old, my kid’s a little older, yours is a little younger — we’re almost the same guy. We really are. And we make our living on the internet, and we’ve got it good. Right? I mean, there’s no denying it. You and I have it really good. And I really do feel that at a basic level I almost, it’s not even my right to feel bad about this one because it’s my people who blew it.

Mann: That’s true but there’s another part of this, part of what eats at me is that I have seen — and I agree with you, who needs two white guys talking about anything, except I’m a white guy who’s really pulling it for a lot of stuff to change. Like, regardless of whatever apple sauce my dick is in, there’s some stuff that means a lot to me. And as I have had small and sometimes private little bits of evolution in how I think about the world, I got a little myopic in thinking that other people saw the same thing and that they could be thrilled and buoyed to see people who never had a chance to be normal American citizens before, get to do things in the last five years nobody could’ve expected. I mean, who saw the gay marriage thing coming along the way it did? Well, some people did, and then it happened. And how can you look at that and see anything but joy that two people just got to be the person they wanted to be. America is where you get to be the person that you want to be. And that’s the hard part. But even, or especially as a white guy, because no, I don’t have the same — I’m certainly, I’m extremely privileged in so many ways, I get to go where I want to go and all that kind of stuff, but my little miniature journey into understanding these little parts of America better and getting to see those people have these exalted moments of victory after years of being told that they aren’t an actual human being, to see so much of that progress in the last five years and now see that in jeopardy hurts my heart in a way that’s difficult for me to communicate.

Gruber: I feel exactly the same way. I can’t say it better, this is why I’m glad you’re on the show with me today, and I really hope that whatever side of the election people who are listening to this are on, that they can hear us and sympathize. I mean that. And in a way, for example, I think my wife — I don’t think she listens to the show —

Mann: No, she doesn’t. Uh-uh.

Gruber: I think she’d be furious if she heard me saying that I’m — “whichever side of the election you’re on” because she thinks people who voted the other way are shitbags. And she’s not wrong. [laughs]

Mann: No, she’s not wrong. Here’s something I got schooled hard on by friend of the show John Siracusa, and we were talking about things having to do with the way that women get treated by everybody. And I found myself saying this thing that I don’t say anymore. This was like less than a year ago, but I found myself saying, “Don’t these people, these Gamergate guys, don’t they realize that they’re talking to somebody’s sister or they’re talking to somebody’s daughter?” And John, I think, very intelligently said, “Hey, is that really, is that the hill that you want to die on? Are you sure you want to put the importance of their humanity and rights in terms of how they relate to you?” And I thought about it, for months and months and months, and then I saw it happening a lot after the pussy grabbing and I thought about it a lot, and now I think you have to want these things for people because they’re people, not because they’re people that you’ve decided are particularly empathetic based on your own feelings and needs. And that’s where I think — I do feel comfortable as a white guy saying that this is a shitshow because I’ve gotten to see those victories, I see it in my kid’s class, the girl in my kid’s class wears a hidjab, you see it, it is real. This is not an abstract thing about a wall, this is about actual human beings who worked extremely hard to make what they can here and to see that potentially taken away in such a massive way, if that doesn’t move you, you’re not wired right.

Gruber: I saw a thing just yesterday, somebody posted on Twitter — I mean, there’s a thousand of them, maybe there’s a thousand different pictures of the same thing, but somebody posted yesterday a picture of a white guy, maybe somewhere around 27 years old. White guy at a Trump rally the day before the election and he was wearing a shirt that said “Hillary is a bitch #Trump”. So, black letters, “Hillary is a bitch” and then the hashtag, it was in red, “#Trump”. The observation was, can you even imagine how much worse is the misogyny that allows somebody to go out in public with the shirt like that, because what would be the equivalent shirt against Obama? Nobody would go out wearing a shirt with the N-word on it, right? Or — I say nobody, but — maybe in a country of 300 million there’s one guy who would do it, but. This wasn’t that abnormal.

Mann: But you wouldn’t have 46 percent of the population thinking it’s okay.

Gruber: Right, exactly, there is something very different.

Mann: There’s no cultural prohibition against that that’s pushing back to make him go “maybe this isn’t such a good idea”.

Gruber: And it makes me feel personally — even before the — and again, this was like 48 hours ago, this was before the results, but that one tweet and the guy wearing that shirt that said that, it just emphasizes how I feel this whole time, I feel like I need to step backwards and let other people tell me what is going on rather than observe myself. Do you know what I mean?

Mann: I do, you have to shut the fuck up at the times when somebody is telling you something you need to hear and then increasingly I’m coming around to the idea of how important it is to speak up when somebody’s doing the opposite.

Gruber: Exactly. The only time I feel the need to speak up is to you observe — like for example, to say it is to me literally, I’m not exaggerating, unacceptable to wear a shirt that says “Hillary is a bitch”. It’s completely unacceptable. To me it’s as unacceptable as saying “Obama is the N-word”. It’s equivalent. Yet we are not there as a society. So I’m willing to stand up and say that, but in terms of how we got these election result — I just feel like, I don’t know.

Mann: I don’t know either.

Gruber: I’ll tell you what, the other thing too, and I think we’re in the same boat here with, like I said, with two kids who at this point, like when we first had our kids, it felt like they were so far apart in age, right?

Mann: Oh, I know, I know. We were just playing with that — last night Ellie was pulling out some of her stuffies because she was feeling pretty ragged, and she found that little bird Jonas gave her in New Zealand. They were like babies, a little baby and a big baby.

Gruber: But at this point it feels like they are both “about 10 years old”. And that’s a loose approximation. I have to say, honest to god, and we haven’t indoctrinated Jonas with politics, we don’t make him talk about it, we don’t make him think about it. He just absorbs what he picks up. I have to say, he is devastated. He is absolutely devastated. And the kids, again, maybe it’s because we’re in the city and it’s an urban environment, but the kids today are so open-minded.

Mann: Oh, it’s unbelievably different. My daughter does not need to be schooled that it’s okay for gay people to be together. I mean, it’s everywhere, it’s the teachers at her school, that’s where we live, this is life, these are our friends. And it’d be like saying to her, you shouldn’t punch people in the face just because they’re wearing a blue shirt. She’d be like, yeah, yeah, of course not, why did you need to tell me that? “Just so you know, it’s okay if gay people are together.”

Gruber: I’ve said this before and I think you listen to my shows so maybe you’ve heard it but — I think it’s the most amazing thing. Jonas’s school has a club and it’s called GLOW, G-L-O-W, and it stands for “Gay, Lesbian, or Whatever”. And to me, it is the greatest — it’s so much better than LGBT and then they keep — you know, there’s Q and —

Mann: QIA.

Gruber: QI... “Gay, Lesbian, or Whatever” is to me —

Mann: Oh, that’s the actual name?

Gruber: It’s literally the name!

Mann: [laughs]

Gruber: It’s officially the name. I’m not making it up, it is so great.

Mann: And it’s actually weirdly efficient.

Gruber: But he doesn’t think it’s funny or clever at all. But it actually is what everybody of his generation seems to think is like, oh, yeah, whatever you’re into, you’re into, cool. It’s all right.

Mann: Why would that matter to me. It’s like me worrying about you having a green car.

Gruber: But this election result is such a repudiation of that “or whatever” part, right? And the kids get it, there’s no denying it, it’s not just like the video of the Latino girl saying to Hillary Clinton, “I’m worried that my parents are going to be deported”, and Hillary says, “Come here, I’m going to do whatever I can.” It’s all kids. It doesn’t matter what their background is. All kids see it, and I don’t know what to do. It’s the most loss I’ve ever felt as a parent.

Mann: Yeah, I agree with you. It’s so early. I think at a time when you’re not sure what’s going on and you’re feeling at sea, I think the advice to not panic is a good one. It’s hard not to, but I think on some level you’ve kind of got to just feel your way through and know we’ve gotten through a lot of stuff. And we’ll go through a lot of stuff in the future. I don’t have anything inspirational to say here, except that you’ve got to keep your cool, keep doing the right thing and try not to be unkind. Like right now, there’s a lot of people going after each other, and feels like there’s the beginnings of the vibe of fingerpointing and there’s a big vibe — and you know, if that’s your thing, hakuna matata, but if I had one thing to ask, let’s go easy on that for a while. And let’s go easy on tearing each other apart or tearing other people apart and let’s maybe just a have at least a couple-three days where we don’t tell people that they’re feeling wrong incorrectly or they’re feeling bad wrongly. Let people have a time to grieve for whatever it is they’re grieving for, even if you don’t think they deserve it.

Gruber: That’s exactly how I feel. And I don’t want to point any fingers, I really don’t. I just want to say, keep pushing in the right direction. It’s so hard because as mechanical devices, human beings are meant to see everything day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment, but the truth is, in the long term what matters is on the years and decades perspective. And just keep pushing in the right direction and it’ll work out, even though this is clearly a setback. But I really do think that it’s not right, counterproductive to start pointing fingers.

Mann: Well, let’s check back in after a while. I’ve got to go pick up my kid and start my holiday party. I have a holiday party, did you get the invitation?

Gruber: [laughs] I’m going to be joining you.

Mann: [rings a bell, laughs]

Gruber: Merlin Mann, where else can people listen to you? You are, in my opinion, probably the single greatest podcaster on the internet.

Mann: Oh, you’re always, you’re always saying that.

Gruber: But I actually mean that.

Mann: Oh, thank you.

Gruber: You have, like, a bizarre gift for being really good on a podcast.

Mann: “Bizarre gift,” declares John Gruber. I don’t know, I don’t fucking know at this point. I don’t have a very good branding. Just go to @hotdogsladies if you want to see me on Twitter. I’m feeling kind of quiet right now. [laughs]

Gruber: Go to @hotdogsladies on Twitter.

Mann: You know what they should do, they should listen to the show I do with John Siracusa. I do a show with John Siracusa called Reconcilable Differences.

Gruber: Never heard of the guy.

Mann: Never heard of it, it’s at relay.fm/rd.

Gruber: Yeah, but who is this guy John Siracusa?

Mann: I don’t know, I think he might be an Italian.

Gruber: [laughs]

Mann: I don’t know if he’s here legally. We’re going to build a biiig, beautiful wall with Napoli, and we’re going to make the Italians pay for it. “Eh, that’s a spicy meatball!”

[readerdye]

@farseersfool tagged me in this wonderful questionnaire! Thank you so much!

RULES: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. (I can’t tag anyone today, but please do this if you’re interested!)

Long post after the cut

1.      coke or pepsi: After that commercial the other day, Coke.

2.      disney or dreamworks: Dreamworks, I think. They have How to Train Your Dragon and Kung Fu Panda and Shrek! But if Disney keeps creating stuff like Moana, I might have to switch.

3.      coffee or tea: Coffee, probably, but I can’t drink it. If I do, I’m wired and bouncy and awful. So I’m trying to switch over to tea. 

4.      books or movies: Definitely, definitely books. I can manage movies sometimes...but only if I can fidget and talk straight through it. Even TV shows are hard to sit through for me.

5.      windows or mac: Windows, because I can play more games.

6.      dc or marvel: Okay, so the Captain-America-Nazi thing was ATROCIOUS. But Marvel has those tiny, cute franchises like Patsy Walker AKA Hellcat and Squirrel Girl and nonviolent superheroes, and I like that trend. So I’ll go with Marvel, provided I don’t read any of the big-names anymore.

7.      xbox or playstation: PlayStation for life. (Sadly, though, I don’t have a PS4 and am therefore behind the times. RIP Horizon Zero Dawn)

8.     dragon age or mass effect: Dragon Age, definitely. I haven’t gotten around to playing Mass Effect.

9.      night owl or early riser: Being a night owl is the Worst Possible Thing for a depressed kiddo to be, and yet. I’m trying to switch to early bird, but it’s not working for me.

10.  cards or chess: Cards, definitely. There’s a lot more variety in what you can play, and I just like the feeling of shuffling.

11.  chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla. Not a huge chocolate fan.

12.  vans or converse: Ahahahahahaha you think I buy name-brand shoes. That’s hilarious. I’ve been wearing the life out of the same pair of sneakers for two years, and I don’t even know what brand they are. Payless brand.

13.  lavellan, trevelyan, cadash, or adaar: Oooh. I feel like Lavellan is more central to the plot and can interact more meaningfully with Inquisition’s setting, but I really, really loved playing an Adaar.

14.  fluff or angst: Fluff fluff fluff. Too much stress and I have to put the book down and step outside to breathe.

15.  beach or forest: Beach, and now I’m landlocked. (sigh)

16.  dogs or cats: Cats. Dogs are cute, but they don’t know when to leave you alone. Cats get personal space and kind of live their own lives.

17.  clear skies or rain: I loved the torrential downpours back in Houston, but now that I’m in Colorado, clear skies are SO nice. Not too warm, perfect for relaxing outside (I say from my computer chair).

18.  cooking or eating out: I order way too much take-out, I’ll admit that. I really love and miss cooking, but it’s hard to muster the energy.

19.  spicy food or mild food: Spicy! Well, it depends on the type. If you’re just chopping up 85 jalapenos for fun, then no thank you, but an Indian curry will get me every time. 

20.  halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: Solstice/Yule/Christmas is more family-and-friends-ish, so I like it a little better. I’m not a very spooky person.

21.  would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: I’m guessing this is excluding the possibility of wearing jackets or short sleeves to correct for temperature, right? Eesh. I’m rarely ever too hot, so I guess too cold, since at least I’m used to that.

22.  if you could have a superpower, what would it be: Shapeshifting yes please! I’m with you, Rowan.

23.  animation or live action: Animation. It’s just fun! And the art choices are so interesting to me (I can’t draw a stick figure, but I like seeing other people who can).

24.  paragon or renegade: Haven’t played Mass Effect, but my understanding is that Paragon is kinda the lawful good choice and Renegade is more chaotic, right? I’m sadly lawful good. So paragon. (And I’ve also heard that renegade is racist, so no thank you. Although I’ve also heard that renegade is passionate about defending their friends...)

25.  baths or showers: Baths are my relaxing “calm down everything’s okay” treat to myself. 

26.  team cap or team ironman: Um...as far as Superhero Rules go, I really loved Ta-Nahisi Coates’ article about this: Iron Man is the logical choice. Right? You can’t have superheroes running around exempt to all rules. But Cap is the heart-choice, because if you knew a rule would hurt your best friend in all the world, and you didn’t feel he deserved that punishment, you’d fight. In my head, Iron Man, because giving superheroes free reign is a recipe for disaster. BUT I think situations have changed: for better or worse, Marvel is very America-centric. So the one registering the mutants would probably be our president. Which would be Trump. So now I’m Team Cap. (Don’t get me wrong. Both superheroes are intolerable.)

27.  fantasy or sci-fi: Fantasy...but it’s a tough call! I love my cyborg-futuristic-alternate-planet-space-operas SO much that I might have to switch that answer soon. Some really cool things have been happening in sci-fi lately.

28. do you have three or four  favourite quotes? if so what are they: “You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.” - Mary Oliver, “Wild Geese”

"If the ocean can calm itself so can you. We are both salt water mixed with air.” - Nayyirah Waheed, “Meditation”

29.  youtube or netflix: Netflix. There’s more of a quality guarantee.

30.  harry potter or percy jackson: Harry Potter. I really love the diversity in Percy Jackson, but I hit them too late to appreciate the jokey style of humor.

31.  when you feel accomplished: When I write and everything flies around and connects inside my head. It hasn’t happened for a long time.

32.  star wars or star trek: I’ve been told I’d like Star Trek more, especially old-school philosophical Trek, but I don’t know enough about it to say. 

33.  paperback books or hardback books: Paperbacks are my preference, but I get so many hardbacks from the library that my preference is switching.

34.  horror or rom-com: They’re both actually really tense (interpersonal conflict stresses me out!). But maybe rom-com, since I can sleep afterwards.

35.  to live in a world without literature or music: I get to pick? I’m actually going to go with a world without literature, because then we could all return to oral storytelling and ballads, and because if I couldn’t hum then I’d never do the dishes.

36.  pastel colours or dark colours: Dark, but actual colors: not just black, but maroon and plum and navy blue and the like. 

37.  tv shows or movies: Movies...? TV shows are doing such marvelous and interesting things, but I never, ever finish them, because I can’t binge-watch to save my life and I always find something else that needs doing.

38.  city or countryside: I grew up visiting my grandfather’s land, and I loved getting up early in the morning when the sky was all misty and the world was quiet. Then I moved to a Tiny Country Town and realized exactly how wonderful-but-awful that kind of place could be. I’m glad my still-there friends are turning it into a better place, but now I prefer the city. 

39.  if any other zodiac sign could describe you, what would it be: I remember everyone posted the What Zodiac Thingamajig are You lists for a while, and Virgo was always something like “glaring over your spectacles,” and Pisces was “You’re a nice fluffy bunny who daydreams too much and flakes out and sometimes cries because flowers can’t sneeze.” So Pisces, I guess? 

40.  if you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life what would it be: ahahaha, you think I listen to albums. 

41.  cinema or theatre: Theatre! Much more interactive, especially tiny theaters where the performers are right near you. I can’t focus on movies (the screen maybe?), but I just end up staring at theater slack-jawed.

42.  if you could be any fictional character’s best friend, who’d you be: So many of my favorite characters have such difficult lives. 

43.  smiling or smirking: Smiling? I can’t really smirk.

44.  are you an ‘all or nothing’ type or are you more consistent: All or nothing. I’m trying to develop consistency.

45.  playlists or your whole library on shuffle: Whole library on shuffle! My mom swears by playlists, but I want to always be surprised.

46.  travelling or staying at home: I like traveling. Really truly honestly: I’m used to uncomfortable sleeping situations, and for some reason all of my road trips have ended up being bizarrely in-depth and soul-searching. Plus I like seeing new places. 

47.  books or fanfiction: Books, but I still love fanfiction and applaud those who write it!

48.  If you could live in a fantasy world, what world would it be: One of those integrated-fantasy worlds, where it’s just like ours only fey creatures and divergent multicultural myths have been added in. I’d really love to wait behind a centaur at Starbucks.

49.  your favorite cartoon: Steven Universe, but I just discovered Phineas and Ferb and it’s delightful. 

50.  name the weirdest five songs on your itunes, current or past: Let’s see. “The Pirate Ninjas from Dino Island” was egregious. Mrs. Burch’s science songs (please tell me someone remembers). Some bagpipe cacophony. Everyone says “No Blue Thing” was weird but it was my favorite for YEARS. And there’s this song from Amelie that starts with aysynchronous piano notes, tosses in a bunch of snapping and whistling, ties in accordion music, and ends on a music box. I don’t remember the title, but that one was odd.

51. a favorite song that starts with the same letter as your name: Last name work? “By Yon Bonnie Banks.” 

52. the last inanimate object you named: my House Squid! Its name is Herman.

Thank you for this again! I won’t tag anyone this time...I’m still too sporadic on Tumblr, so whoever wants can do it. But thank you again!