#stab me right in the chest
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Amanda's misguidance.
I was doing bad- Then I saw a THIRSTY ass post and began giggling (if you can assume who you are, thanks I guess!) but I'll still speak my weewoo brain. (Ok! I never posted this back then, this has been sitting for maybe a week, but the thirsty post was someone's dream.) (WEEKS NOW) I think uh, one of the things that really gets to me about Amanda's character is truly how misguided she was. I know a lot of what I'm going to say has been talked about and all that jazz but I don't really care... This is my rambling not yours. Anyway, she didn't have any solid parental figures even before John. We know that her dad was abusive/neglectful and her mother is never mentioned, not to my knowledge. I've kinda headcannoned her parents as addicts as well, obviously addiction and things such as it can run through families. (Saw X has now highlighted how terrible her father is even more) The wiki page for Amanda Young
This is where her self destructive nature began developing, the lack of care and love but an abundance of neglect and abuse resulting in her not really knowing how to take care of herself or others. I'm not saying she can't love or care for things either, but she doesn't know the correct way of doing so. Amanda loved John, that is a very clear thing. I don't think she knows how to handle her love or where to pinpoint it however. In the sense that she's not experienced parental love, friendships or romantic relationships- Not ones at least that weren't with people who were as down under as her, so I don't count Cecil.
She sees John as a father figure, a leader and a teacher. John is her only guide to life, somebody who set her on a path, even if it wasn't the right one. Amanda is indebt to him for ''helping'' her, even if it's up for debate whether he truly did help, Amanda's drug addiction was by far not her only issue if you look at the bigger picture. She clung to him like a lifeline, even when he hurt her, made her do things she didn't truly believe she could. We know she feels guilt for killing Adam due to the deleted scene where she has a nightmare about him and we also have the fact it was a ''mercy'' killing in the first place. Amanda is tested repeatedly and we also have to acknowledge around the start of her becoming an apprentice, she was going cold turkey, which the symptoms for are horrible. However, she still kept loyal to John and his cause, other people going through such a thing are quick to tell their closest family members they hate them or even ''backstab'' them in pursuit of a fix. Amanda doesn't. Even later on, she never turns back to drugs, instead going back to using self harm as a coping mechanism. I don’t believe the ''love'' she has for John is one sided either, I think he does care for her in his own way, but his self righteous nature at times doesn't let him fully give the support and tenderness Amanda needs.
It makes you wonder what Amanda could of been had she found somebody else who could give her direction, a cause. Somebody prepared to have her as a first priority over their ideology. Where would she be? Could she function in society or would she crush under the pressure. She's never been ''evil'' to me or a cold hearted villain like other horror icons. Amanda is a severely traumatized mentally ill woman, one who kills and tortures due to the fact the only person she has in the world is telling her it's the right thing. Of course, some people will argue that she purposely makes her traps basically impossible, so she isn't even fully listening to John and his beliefs but that's because of how misguided she is.
She DID survive her trap and look at her. Obviously, it also comes from the fact she believes people can't change but you can't really blame her for that either. The amount of death and torment she's been subjected to lasted her a lifetime and was her death, no peace. And even in death? She was reaching for John. Because even with all the pain he put her through, mentally and physically, she loved him. Her saviour who caused so many of her wounds and left others to get infected.
Misguided to the very end.
#their relationship is my roman empire#father and daughter bonds like#stab me right in the chest#do i have daddy issues? now i dont want to be the cliche....#yes#amanda young#john kramer#saw#saw franchise#saw movies#sawposting#saw 2004#saw 2#saw 3#saw character study#character study#headcanons
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Rick's leather sling | requested by EVERYONE
#the power this has???#Rick Grimes#*#rg#The Ones Who Live#pls#nice to be attacked by my own gifsets again#HIS UPPER BODY#STAB ME WITH A RAKE#i love arm#anyone got a quarter we can bounce off his chest?#forget about refashioning my legs as a hula hoop.....#i found out what i wanna be when i grow up#also his arm hair but I'm not gonna be that weird right now#i know he's gotta be SOLID as hell#excuse me where is the ticket booth for this ride#nice rack rick#that second gif is just illegal#i'd be more open than Motel 6#would let him raw me in a gas station bathroom in one of those towns in the boonies that are always the center of horror movies#*GLASS BREAKING* *SIRENS WAILING*#*me on my front lawn apologizing to CBS News*#Kay i need to bring back the tag™ remember the tag?#he's so goddamn fine i want his dick in my lungs#that one#classic
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There needs to be a scientific study done on how Rockstar Games' Arthur Morgan is able to provoke the most earth shattering emotions I didn't even know I had in me
#you guys get me right#like you feel it deep in your chest#the joy the anguish the grief#it feels like words aren't enough#and I don't mean it as in “sad moment in video game makes you sad”#I mean it as in “a deep and well written moment that has been slowly building is fleshed out in a video game and I think about for weeks”#when I say I lose sleep over this game I really mean it#I spend hours just laying in bed thinking about everything that happens in arthur morgan's life#it eats at me#I'm not ashamed of how much I have cried over this game#it fucking gets to me#playing rdr2 is the best form of escapism until the story hits you like a stab in the chest but the blade just pushes in further and further#until you're left with a gaping wound#“wow michael I didn't know you were so emotional over pixels on a screen”#except those pixels were acted out and performed by real people and voiced by real people and designed to look like real people#the game's main target was historic realism emphasis on REALISM#to provoke emotions through amazing storytelling#it's okay to feel strongly about things!!#this game man#this game#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#mick thinks#arthur morgan#red dead redemption 2 spoilers
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remembering the fact that both Pan and Freddie wanted to run away from the city and I passed out for 2 days to this on my canvas
#a muse elicits and inspires thats for fucking sure#stray gods#stray gods the roleplaying musical#pan stray gods#pan#freddie#freddie stray gods#grace#grace stray gods#also note i didn't intend for this to be polyamorous but if you think of it that way thats cool#digital art#artists on tumblr#someone stab me in the chest right now my wrist is in agony#my art#Rose's Art#Roses Fanart
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the chest pain that comes with living under constant stress is really something huh. ouch
#im fine i promise it's just very bothersome and kinda scary :')#delete later prob#trying to sit down and draw but im having stabbing pains#usually it's on the left side which is super scary but today it's on the right which kinda assures me that at least it's not my heart i hop#but it's something#the stress of Everything is causing me so much pain because there's not something physically wrong with me (i think)#but at this point i'm in constant pain Somewhere and most notably my back and my chest#sorry i hate to babble here but it feels good to just say it into the void#anyway. no more attempts at art today :-(#i should probably see a doctor but im scared of it being dismissed as not serious if it's psychosomatic#even though psychosomatic pain is a Very real thing that indicates that something is actually wrong#wahh#ugh
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Why am I crying. Why am I crying. That post wasn't about me. Why did it make me cry. What does this mean. This better not change me. This CANNOT change me.
#it wasn't about me#so why do I feel like ive been stabbed in the chest#why does it feel like something has changed#why does it feel like ive lost something#what the hell does this imply#'to all trans people in America right now‚ you have to live'#'we will still be here a year from now‚ 4 years from now‚ 100 years from now'#'they cannot silence us‚ we are too public‚ too proud‚ too beloved'#'i will still be here tomorrow'#'please be there with me'#why am I crying AGAIN#first im up early because im scared of something unrelated and stupid#now im sitting here thinking that im not sure I know who I am anymore#... i don't think im supposed to be like this#but i don't know if I want to change#i don't know what i am anymore...#bluet's vents#abluehappyface
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Haven't been able to watch too much naruto recently. Been watching Maybe an episode a day ish. I just finished ep 419 tho and WHAT an episode to have ahead of me for grand number 420. Can't watch it rn tho bc I need to sleep and also I'm too tired to give it the full attention that I want to. Bc when I watch it, I will be embracing !!!!THE!!!! legendary Guy vs Madara fight in its FULL FORM!!!!!!
So exciting. God they're laying some major death flags lol, between the flashbacks stuff and the gate of death and well the saying he's gonna die 😂😂😂 I know he does survive it tho. But I'm also embracing this part with the Possibility of him dying. Bc that's what the others are reacting to too. And I wanna experience the full depth of emotion....
Excited for watching this next episode!!! It just cannot be right now.
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#some wild shit going on in general. naruto is still not up yet. he's been 'dying' for like almost 30 episodes now.#granted 20 of them were filler lol but still!!!#actually can i just say. genuinely fucking WILD what all Sakura's doing to try to keep him alive.#mouth to mouth is fairly normal (though the me that started reading fanfic in the first place for naruto/sakura went !!!!! at that)#but. the. literally cutting open the side of his chest so she can Reach Inside and pump his heart with her OWN HAND???#just IN HIS CHEST??? HER HAND??? AROUND HIS HEART????? and they DONT end up together?!?!?!?#like i mean obviously naruto & sasuke have a thing but like with kishimoto doing final heterosexual pairings#it's just wild to me that Naruto ends up with Hinata who he has BARELY any development with#instead of Sakura who is like. his bestie also she put her LITERAL HAND IN HIS CHEST TO PUMP HIS BLOOD WITH HER BARE HAND#im genuinely still kinda losing my mind at that. naruto show off the shits!!!!!!#also kind of funny tho. if i remember right she just cuts into. the side? of his chest? like. the ribcage area???#in which case to reach inside to his Heart she'd have to like. cut his ribs. entirely. and then dislodge them to reach inside.#which like theyve got weird ninja magic they can heal shit also naruto's an extra special case anyways.#but still. i have to wonder whether any of them have like. actual human anatomy hdkshfksh#considering how non fatal being stabbed in the chest is in this show. UNLESS it's for plot development. 🙄🙄🙄#but yeah if 12 year old me saw sakura literally grabbing naruto's heart in his chest to pump his blood. i wouldve lost my God Damn Mind.#im still kinda losing my mind. it's so fucking *intimate* it's like. Bonkers.#and naruto is ENTIRELY unaware!!!!! and i very much doubt she'll fill him in. alas.#anywyas i need to go to bed but. yes 👍 naruto 👍
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actually looking back on it it was kinda funny that i turned out trans because as my parents first child (and also an accident), they had no fucking idea what to do so they defaulted to getting me all the most stereotypical female disney princess shit and baby dolls and barbies for the first few years of my life, only to find out that i was an absolute gremlin of a creature who loathed everything they gave to me and wanted nothing more than to play Lets Behead Baby with hot wheels and war with dinosaurs and scribble blood all over my lunchbox because it was covered in disney princesses and i fucking hated disney princesses. like i was the most difficult fucking kid and i know it (part of it was the undiagnosed autism), but i also came out of the woumb already knowing i was a boy and fighting everyone who tried to tell me otherwise as viciously as a little kid could
#i mean it was also extremely frustrating and upsetting to me as a kid bc my only friends *were* my toys so like#i distinctly remember getting a chest of sparkly dress-up clothes for my birthday and sobbing my eyes out bc it was itchy and painful#and i really really wanted a dinosaur but nobody listened#like my mom figured it out right quick but my dad wanted a daughter and told his friends that so it was a never ending battle lmfao#the only exceptions to this were unicorn dolls and horsies but thats bc i liked to make my unicorns stab people#id get a barbie set#toss barbie to the side#and then play pretend spirit with the mustangs
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as soon as i want to relax i start thinking about how vulnerable my vitals are
#like when it is time for me to sleep or on the bus or just walking about outside#i always have my sides “hugged” sort of & i always worry about the back of my neck showing#( could entice someone into stabbing me there ) like on the bus or in class i keep thinking about how easily#someone behind me could just snap & stab me in the neck#i am a paranoid person like this in general in 2019 i was too scared to wear my hair in pigtails because i was paranoid some crazy person#with scissors would cut them off & run away ( sometimes i start thinking too much & it starts going into witchcraft territory )#( like OMG i am så going to get cursed for a laugh or out of boredom using those !!!!! same with nail grooming i only file )#anyway so when i try to sleep i keep thinking about how someone could just barge into my house & stab me in the kidneys & chest#& it feels so real so i have to curl up into a ball so the thought goes away#but then i think like any position is stabbable & nothing i do can protect me. no one say guns i am north african#maybe i need to start hiding weapons under my clothes again just to feel safer i used to hide blades in my bra when i was crazy in 2020#i think i am getting back there lately but surely this is fine whatever. Who caare & i mean that genuinely i have already been there#butUGH I HATE feeling so vulnerable to The Killer like i know what wendy williams means but honestly the thought of not dying scares me moa#kind of like how the anticipation of a needle is scary only you get stabbed or attacked & bludgeoned in various ways#like anyone can do anything at any timeeven when i was a kid i would be walking places & think someone could so easily drop a bomb right no#or how gas cylinders can explode at any moment. & then i start visualizing & Feeling until my ears ring. anyway#sorry for my Sick & Twisted Dark & Sinister Mind#journaling. or like.something.
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Anyways on another note: had A Conversation yesterday and the consensus kinda was like. You hurt me so bad and nothing you ever do is gonna take away how bad you hurt me and I’m trying so fucking hard to be forgiving but the glass is just too broken and it’s not working… and we kinda left off on that note and I kinda feel like I should call and say something else? But at the same time there’s also just… nothing left to say. Because I know in my heart there are no words that are gonna fix it, and that was the whole point of the convo, which is. Really fucking sad. That can’t be it but that’s also just kinda it like there’s nothing left
#its so fucking devestating because like#this is my perfect match in every way#he just couldnt not stab me in the back and push me away at every turn the whole pandemic and its just#the hurt and the rift that caused just runs too deep#i just feel the deepest ache in my chest over it like it all couldve been perfect and it doesnt matter that it is nkw#it wasnt then and i hurt myself so bad to keep him and. doing that is the thing that ended it in the longrun. funny /:#all the people in my life i have a profound respect for said i had to just forgive#its been years your relationship is perfect now etc#and all the girlies said fuck that#sad to report that the girlies were all right
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#i had sooooo much fun watching that scene#it is tory's RIGHT to stab that man in the back and chest and heart#the watchful eye#gh this show is hm. how to put. it oscillates between some absolutely fantanstic acting/character beats#and some of the worst freeform bullshit you've seen in your life#expect me to be insane about this scene for the next week though because it was soooooooooooooo my type of scene
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KAYLIE WATCH 2023 UPDATE:
THREE EPISODES IN AND STILL NO SIGN OF MY DAUGHTER
#tlovm spoilers#btw!!#unfortunately i think kaylie trying to stab him through the chest with a knife is going to be#relegated to a flashback#which wont be a big deal if its done right#but still a minor L for me#we'll run into the troupe in westruun#and we'll get a flashback to her trying to stab him#and then we'll just continue to hit the ground running
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I just had what feels like every stress dream ever in a single hour
#Strangers coming to my house for a party unannounced when I'm trying to sleep#Cant find my phone (this is still true)#People from work also at my house going nuts#Fish and worms have somehow grown in all my glass bottles and now I gotta find tanks for them but i cant afford that but i also dont wanna-#-kill them and they've started eating each other. The people are still at the party. Still cant find my phone#Random ladies show up demanding I answer questions that make no sense and I wanna help but idk how to respond#People from work are still losing it. It's raining and pitch black out. Still can't find my phone. My father is there.#Some guests get their hand on a device that let's you shape shift?? But you gotta jam a giant needle right into your chest#And I was down at first but then i see people whose faces shift between multiple people frozen in agony#And people whose faces just look like objects an it looks painful and a friend from work wont let me leave and is gonna stab me#And finally one person who got the shot gets like. Millions of tiny mushrooms growing out of every pore#Their entire body transforms into a fungal bed in the slowest most painful death imaginable. And this happens to everyone#And I just fucking booked it out of the house finally acrew the phone screw the rain screw work.#And at THAT point I'm like wait fuck this is a dream. If I keep going something terrible will definitely happen again#Thankfully just the adrenalin was enough to wake e up and I didnt have to dream-kill myself#I gotta write this down in more detail somewhere#Alda rambling
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I owe you a black eye and two kisses.....................tell me when you wanna come and get ‘em...................or whatever
#the LYRICS OF ALL TIME#spotify stabbing me thru the chest daily#if she does this one live...............................I will fucking dissolve into the fuckin ground bitch#I will be an EARTHWORM in the ground#maybe I'll just be crazy and piss him off til he hates me!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH RIGHT HE FUCKING LOVES ME!!!!!#LOW SLUNG BAD BITCH BABY COME AND GET U SOME#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#also bc I'm predictable. @ ho binclair literally#sam speaks
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Lol I HATE my sisters boyfriend
#guess who almost said the R word at a stupid video game#and then he defended AND got butt hurt over me ‘preaching’ about it#now I’m sitting here having to finish the game with him#i fucking hate him he ruins everything by being his stupid way#i wish the purge was real I wanna kill him the rest of his stupid family and runaway to take care of his niece#i just#fuck#he seems to have a talent for making me miserable#i told him the R slur isn’t like bitch or c-nt#does he care?#no because an emotionless monster who should be fuckin put down#fine don’t wanna fix yourself I’m therapy? let me drown you.#i wish he could read my mind to know how disgusting and worthless I think he is#if I d-xx myself can one of y’all stab him for me?#i seriously fucking just hate him he has zero compassion#he’s such a fucking idiot he thinks he’s so smart cus he’s emotionless#i wish I could hit him with a pot I swear I’m so seething mad right now#IM TIRED OF HEARING PEOPLE SAY THE RSLUR#i hope anyone who says it today gets a sharp pain in their chest that lasts hours#I’m so disgusted rn that word literally makes me physically I’ll#ill *#he’s now pulling a brat routine where he’s just playing in silence#YOU hurt other people and you’re punishing US for it???????#I’m gonna be off and on tonight I dunno
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jfc forever winter by taylor swift KILLS ME it IS james in dead to me
All this time I didn't know You were breakin' down I'd fall to pieces on the floor If you weren't around Too young to know it gets better I'll be summer sun for you forever Forever winter if you go
#I'LL BE SUMMER SUN FOR YOU FOREVER#STAB ME IN THE GOD DAMN CHEST#IM NOT CRYIN YOU ARE CRYIN#dead to me#james potter#jily#(seriously this whole song i am in physical pain right now)#honestly just james coded in general
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