#stab me right in the chest

[mirroredmemoriez]

Amanda's misguidance.

I was doing bad- Then I saw a THIRSTY ass post and began giggling (if you can assume who you are, thanks I guess!) but I'll still speak my weewoo brain. (Ok! I never posted this back then, this has been sitting for maybe a week, but the thirsty post was someone's dream.) (WEEKS NOW) I think uh, one of the things that really gets to me about Amanda's character is truly how misguided she was. I know a lot of what I'm going to say has been talked about and all that jazz but I don't really care... This is my rambling not yours. Anyway, she didn't have any solid parental figures even before John. We know that her dad was abusive/neglectful and her mother is never mentioned, not to my knowledge. I've kinda headcannoned her parents as addicts as well, obviously addiction and things such as it can run through families. (Saw X has now highlighted how terrible her father is even more) The wiki page for Amanda Young

This is where her self destructive nature began developing, the lack of care and love but an abundance of neglect and abuse resulting in her not really knowing how to take care of herself or others. I'm not saying she can't love or care for things either, but she doesn't know the correct way of doing so. Amanda loved John, that is a very clear thing. I don't think she knows how to handle her love or where to pinpoint it however. In the sense that she's not experienced parental love, friendships or romantic relationships- Not ones at least that weren't with people who were as down under as her, so I don't count Cecil.

She sees John as a father figure, a leader and a teacher. John is her only guide to life, somebody who set her on a path, even if it wasn't the right one. Amanda is indebt to him for ''helping'' her, even if it's up for debate whether he truly did help, Amanda's drug addiction was by far not her only issue if you look at the bigger picture. She clung to him like a lifeline, even when he hurt her, made her do things she didn't truly believe she could. We know she feels guilt for killing Adam due to the deleted scene where she has a nightmare about him and we also have the fact it was a ''mercy'' killing in the first place. Amanda is tested repeatedly and we also have to acknowledge around the start of her becoming an apprentice, she was going cold turkey, which the symptoms for are horrible. However, she still kept loyal to John and his cause, other people going through such a thing are quick to tell their closest family members they hate them or even ''backstab'' them in pursuit of a fix. Amanda doesn't. Even later on, she never turns back to drugs, instead going back to using self harm as a coping mechanism. I don’t believe the ''love'' she has for John is one sided either, I think he does care for her in his own way, but his self righteous nature at times doesn't let him fully give the support and tenderness Amanda needs.

It makes you wonder what Amanda could of been had she found somebody else who could give her direction, a cause. Somebody prepared to have her as a first priority over their ideology. Where would she be? Could she function in society or would she crush under the pressure. She's never been ''evil'' to me or a cold hearted villain like other horror icons. Amanda is a severely traumatized mentally ill woman, one who kills and tortures due to the fact the only person she has in the world is telling her it's the right thing. Of course, some people will argue that she purposely makes her traps basically impossible, so she isn't even fully listening to John and his beliefs but that's because of how misguided she is.

She DID survive her trap and look at her. Obviously, it also comes from the fact she believes people can't change but you can't really blame her for that either. The amount of death and torment she's been subjected to lasted her a lifetime and was her death, no peace. And even in death? She was reaching for John. Because even with all the pain he put her through, mentally and physically, she loved him. Her saviour who caused so many of her wounds and left others to get infected.

Misguided to the very end.

[andy-clutterbuck]

Rick's leather sling | requested by EVERYONE

[arthursfuckinghat]

There needs to be a scientific study done on how Rockstar Games' Arthur Morgan is able to provoke the most earth shattering emotions I didn't even know I had in me

[theaccidentfactory]

I always think about how minus the people close to Anne and parts of the government, the rest of the world thinks that the s3 frogvasion was a hoax or a movie stunt gone wrong. Not only have the trio been through something no one else on earth can comprehend, but if they try to talk about it to even a therapist, they're more likely to be labeled as delusional or in psychosis.

[rosesart11]

remembering the fact that both Pan and Freddie wanted to run away from the city and I passed out for 2 days to this on my canvas

[saturnvs]

the chest pain that comes with living under constant stress is really something huh. ouch

[abluehappyface]

Why am I crying. Why am I crying. That post wasn't about me. Why did it make me cry. What does this mean. This better not change me. This CANNOT change me.

[orcelito]

Haven't been able to watch too much naruto recently. Been watching Maybe an episode a day ish. I just finished ep 419 tho and WHAT an episode to have ahead of me for grand number 420. Can't watch it rn tho bc I need to sleep and also I'm too tired to give it the full attention that I want to. Bc when I watch it, I will be embracing !!!!THE!!!! legendary Guy vs Madara fight in its FULL FORM!!!!!!

So exciting. God they're laying some major death flags lol, between the flashbacks stuff and the gate of death and well the saying he's gonna die 😂😂😂 I know he does survive it tho. But I'm also embracing this part with the Possibility of him dying. Bc that's what the others are reacting to too. And I wanna experience the full depth of emotion....

Excited for watching this next episode!!! It just cannot be right now.

[ruthlesslistener]

actually looking back on it it was kinda funny that i turned out trans because as my parents first child (and also an accident), they had no fucking idea what to do so they defaulted to getting me all the most stereotypical female disney princess shit and baby dolls and barbies for the first few years of my life, only to find out that i was an absolute gremlin of a creature who loathed everything they gave to me and wanted nothing more than to play Lets Behead Baby with hot wheels and war with dinosaurs and scribble blood all over my lunchbox because it was covered in disney princesses and i fucking hated disney princesses. like i was the most difficult fucking kid and i know it (part of it was the undiagnosed autism), but i also came out of the woumb already knowing i was a boy and fighting everyone who tried to tell me otherwise as viciously as a little kid could

[derpinette]

as soon as i want to relax i start thinking about how vulnerable my vitals are

[didnt-hear-idsb-live-again]

Anyways on another note: had A Conversation yesterday and the consensus kinda was like. You hurt me so bad and nothing you ever do is gonna take away how bad you hurt me and I’m trying so fucking hard to be forgiving but the glass is just too broken and it’s not working… and we kinda left off on that note and I kinda feel like I should call and say something else? But at the same time there’s also just… nothing left to say. Because I know in my heart there are no words that are gonna fix it, and that was the whole point of the convo, which is. Really fucking sad. That can’t be it but that’s also just kinda it like there’s nothing left

[detectivesoup]

[kymal]

KAYLIE WATCH 2023 UPDATE:

THREE EPISODES IN AND STILL NO SIGN OF MY DAUGHTER

[gaminegay]

I just had what feels like every stress dream ever in a single hour

[pondslime]

I owe you a black eye and two kisses.....................tell me when you wanna come and get ‘em...................or whatever

[sensitivegoblin]

Lol I HATE my sisters boyfriend