#st. peter answers!

[heavens-gatekeeper]

If you dyed your hair blue, you would look like Wally from Welcome Home.

—🐡Anon

"Whos that??"

[saintsenara]

Ur comment about Tom watching Antiques Roadshow with fish and chips has got me wondering about what you think the HP characters go to chipper orders are? I’d wager Dumbledore would enjoy a spicebag myself..

i'm genuinely screaming.

dumbledore is one hundo after a spice bag, as are ron and tonks. they are the three people who have made the correct choice.

as for the others...

harry [dursleys] and tom [orphanage] are obviously choosing the plainest option - cod and chips. tom would go in for mushy peas and a packet of benson and hedges alongside his. harry - given his canonical sweet tooth - is getting some sort of deep-fried chocolate bar as a chaser.

hermione [pretentious] is having the thinking woman's fish order - plaice and chips. unless she's been drinking, when she - like ginny - loves a battered sausage for the innuendo potential.

arthur's having scampi, because that seems the most muggle, and a selection of every sauce in the place. molly's having haddock, which she considers respectable, and is being joined in that choice by mcgonagall.

sirius [depressed] is taking the risk on a chipper pie - a gristly steak-and-kidney that's been sitting under a heat lamp all evening, for example. he prefers the rats he ate while living in that cave.

lupin [there] is having plain chips, no sauce or anything.

snape [ill-tempered] is going for one of northern ireland's greatest chip shop creations - a pastie supper. which can - like him, to be quite honest - best be described as a lump of mystery meat.

neville [northern] is obviously having chips and gravy, in fear that his gran would disown him otherwise.

luna [disconnected from reality] is going for the other one of northern ireland's greatest chip shop creations - a cowboy [pronounced coyboy] supper.

any malfoy [posh] is leaving the function and never speaking to you again if you suggest going to the chipper [good]. but narcissa secretly loves a curry butty.

bellatrix [unhinged] is indulging in a habit i didn't realise was unusual until i went to uni in england, and slapping tinned pineapple and thousand-island dressing on top of a portion of chips and calling it "hawaiian".

[thief-of-eggs]

My unwise self returns with more Pentious and Peter, attempting to indoctrinate you into this trainwreck I've built for myself

HOW DID YOU MAKE THIS CRACK SHIP SO CUTE WHAT

you needn’t indoctrinate me further, i am 100% on board now FOR SURE

st peter’s blush🥺 sir pentious’s genuinely happy face 🥺

also st. peter seems the type to ACTUALLY love talking to sir pentious. he’d listen and listen and then sir pentious would listen right back and AGH! they’d be such chatter boxes in love🥺

[datshitrandom]

Oooo, what’s your favorite production that Darren Criss was in?

just one? i can't choose just one 😩 i'll tell you my top 5 but just from tv bc if i add movies, youtube, broadway, off-broadway, starkid, podcasts, music, ad campaigns and music videos? this would be a really loooooong post, I mean even Taco Bell's "Chasing Gold" is *chef's kiss 🤌*

Glee

ACS: Versace

Royalties

Flash/Supergirl crossover

Hazbin Hotel

thanks for the ask hun @thatslytherinbitch54 🫰

[yurislilygarden]

Hello, inspired anon here again ✨️

Happy you liked that ask and now it's yours to keep.

There were some details that I wasn't able to include in the skit about the angels thinking about Reader being God's sibling (leaning towards sister obviously) so I'll just include them here. There isn't really any talk about them being self aware and feel free to pick and choose any parts you like for yourself (also there is some easter eggs of a particular game I like, so expect that too).

Emily originally through Reader was God too but realised that they didn't act or sound like the way other people described God which started her thinking that they must be two different beings.

Emily wants to know if Reader has created their own Heaven, Hell and Earth or something completely different and if she could go and see them. She also wonders if Readers Earth would have its own humans, she can't exactly call them Adam and Eve so she calls them Alex and Steve.

Emily doesn't like that Sera stops her from talking to others about Reader, she just wants everyone to welcome this new deity and wants someone to gush over how God has a little sibling.

Emily likes to draw what she imagines Readers 'seraphim' would look like which are basically normal many eyed, many winged seraphim but with insect wings, mainly butterfly and moth ones, instead of feathered ones since Reader takes the form of a butterfly, she draws them in her idea of Readers heaven which involves lots of floating islands under a vast starry sky. She has made Sera and herself 'Reader angelsona' but keeps them hidden.

Sera was 100% sure that Reader was God until Emily's talk. Sera took along time to agree that Reader isn't God but someone else but still is hesitant to actually say that, God does like to test people and she fears that if they are mistaken and Reader is really just God in disguise that they would be harshly punished for blasphemy.

She also worries that if this IS a different God, then what does it mean for heavens future? Is this new God going to upset the balance of the universe? She would be powerless to stop them if they were going to. Good chance she'd think Pentious's redemption is Readers doing instead of God's.

She would eventually give Reader a vague title such as The Observer or The Watcher to distinguish them from The Lord without full differentiating them, just to play it safe.

Adam would claim that Emily, and eventually Sera, are just crazy for thinking that there's another God after the shock of Emily's talk passed. Firmly believes that there is only one divine being, the big G man himself. This is a lie though as he almost instantly believed that Reader is different to God, he should know since he used to talk to God alot.

Adam actually is in hard denial since he's actually extremely worried. He knows one of the reasons God favoured him so much was because he was made in his image, so would that mean you would favour Lillith and maybe even Eve if they were made in your image? He knows that he doesn't exactly have the best history with them and he's worried that you'd believe their telling of events over his, he's seen what happens to those that anger a God and he doesn't want any of that happening to him.

On the other hand, he does still want to meeting Read. He's sure that he'd win them over with his charm once them met and well, he wouldn't mind thanking them for being the blueprint of all women.

Lute isn't really bothered if Reader is God or not. As far as she's concerned, it doesn't really effect her. She has a job to do and as long as Reader doesn't have an issue with it then she'll just carry on just as she's always done.

Sure Lute is curious about there possibly being another divine being and had thought about trying to prepare plans just incase Reader was planning to take Heaven from God but she realised that it would be pointless to try and fight something as powerful as a deity.

Lute is concerned for Adam though. She is worried about how Adam isn't taking the idea of there being a second deity well and is worried that he'd accidentally offend Reader and be punished for it.

St. Peter hasn't been told about the idea of Reader not being God and is under strict order to welcome them as much as possible and to alert Sera of their presence when spotted.

I genuinely had to reread 3 times because I just had no words anon😭 Whoever you are, goddamn bless you, I'm so using your ideas once I get to writing heaven-

I have nothing really to add to this perfection, but I do wanna say that I will still try to keep in mind to use gender-neutral terms, even with the fact that it will imply reader is female because of the image that Lilith and Eve were made from is supposedly reader and shit, I will still use things like 'sibling' and stuff in the works to make it as gn as possible😭

[drpepper-lovers-blog]

Why do so many kiss fans hate mark St john?

Like are Mark's allegations true bc I read that with the cp* on Aces book and if its true then hes a terrible person but ace never really talked about it .but Paul also lied about mark in his book .

But I think ist sad how he was let fallen by kiss like at the end of his life he was also homeless and all that stuff .( Hope u get what I mean )

And I personally think animalized is an great album

[burning-fcols]

"C-c'mon Petey, good ole S.P. my man! It's me, the big Dick. Y'favorite cock buddy. Me. Y'gotta let me in...it's...I'm dying down here." The fallen angel was on his hands and knees, pulling at St. Peter's robes in desperation, eyes bloodshot, smile pointed and manic. (Fallen!Adam, begging St. Peter to be let in. Welp.) - ✧ ˖ ˙ 「 @meansman 」 ˙ ˖ ✧

「 ☆ 」 In his entirety of welcoming people past the golden gates into paradise, he's only had to turn someone away twice... and the first time he hadn't even needed to commit to the decision, Sera swooping in to rescue him from the uncomfortable situation. But he'd gladly go through with that one a million times over if it meant he never had to experience this. That ADAM never had to. Because right now, it feels as though he failed his own heavenly trials and has been pushed into a personal pit of Hell. Yet even that throwaway thought feels... terrible.

Unearned.

How could he ever compare ANYTHING to whatever Adam is experiencing down there? Even if only as an exaggeration... Although it's still a tempting notion when having the nickname ❛ cock buddy ❜ thrown at him. Especially by someone who Peter has NO doubt looks at him like a glorified doorman ( and is better known for enjoying the company of women ) yet would still gladly sample the prowess of if allowed. ❝ Wow. Heh- Ooookay... That's— certainly one way to put it. ❞ He awkwardly sputters through a painfully forced smile, aware that he's doing NOTHING to help the situation... that he can't really help-

But has to try anyway. As he so often did when alive.

Feathers unwittingly ruffle at the bombardment of desperation, Peter sucking in a discreet breath before slowly exhaling. Glancing around to make sure they're alone— most people don't wander out this far to the gates —he carefully bends down to try and better meet Adam's manic gaze. Smile slipped into a more natural concern, he fears the pity he knows must be reflected in his eyes... but he can't veil it. Not if he's going to have any chance of Adam believing him.

❝ Adam, look... I— ... I can't. ❞ Voice cracks at the admission, Peter grimacing as insists, ❝ I would if I could. I'd let you back in a second... But- it's not up to me. I don't decide who is allowed in. All I do is... open the door for whoever is on the list. ❞ An important and honored role, according to those deemed higher than him. Yet he can't so much as suggest that they make an exception for the First Man before Sera has cut him off with a wave of her hand and a stern look.

Welcome to Heaven.

Hands move to try and gently cup the other man's face, quick to shy away if met with resistance or discomfort. Wondering how long it's been since Adam received a kind touch or so much as a kind word, he can't help but add, ❝ For whatever it's worth— Heaven feels... emptier, without you. ❞ Even if most of the others don't seem to feel the same, Peter misses the energy Adam brought to the sanctum. Sure, it was loud. Sometimes disruptive. Often inappropriate. But it was undoubtedly, unabashedly, unwaveringly THERE.

It was Adam... and Peter always admired that, even if he knows he shouldn't. 「 ☆ 」

[sasster]

do yall remember when i told harlan i'd join his church for $20?

[creelarke]

asking the real question. Henry and Scott, who’s the big spoon and who’s the little spoon?

I can’t not use this as an excuse to make this meme

but in all seriousness, my genuine characterization of Henry and Scott is that Scott is the big spoon while Henry is the little spoon. because growing up, Henry had rarely ever been shown any sign of affection. so when he met Scott, Scott was determined to make it up for Henry. of course, Henry would probably murder any other person who found out he was a little spoon in their relationship, but he secretly liked being held by Scott so

[heavens-gatekeeper]

"Hey. Pete have you spoken to sera since my possession?" "I haven't seen her and I'm worried.."

-michael @heavenly--knight

"..no. I was only here at the podium while that was happening.. and i didnt see her aswell.. maybe ask Emily?.."

[lumiereswig]

I’m back

What is your personal favorite work for BatB that you have made? Does it differ from the work you’re most proud of? Always love hearing from artists about their art!

-🪶

my favorites are probably:

forgotten—this is the one where the servants lose their memories instead of being cursed, and it's very angsty and 'this is the bad place!'. this actually isn't the one i think is the most well written (it's actually pretty bad in parts lol) but i had a lot of fun planning it, biking around my favorite lake in loops just coming up with more and more drama. and i love the image of lumiere being a sad wet pathetic limp noodle man sorry not sorry

the shane & ryan one—i s2g shane has actually read this one (speaking of pathetic noodle men)

the one where they're all in love with the wrong people—look this is not the best fic on my list but this is the first fic i wrote that had me GIGGLING from start to finish, even after tumblr deleted my draft wholesale so i had to rewrite the whole thing from scratch. i fucking love this conceit. it is SO stupid oh my god read it right now

lit by the sun—this is one of the first fics i ever wrote and one i was really proud of having @batbobsession (the og batb 2017 icon) read. it kinda has everything i love about plumiere stuffed into one story, and all my other fics with them constantly refer back to and play off this one story.

but to answer your other question the one i'm proudest of is mémoire! (that's the one where the villagers are forgotten after the curse, leaving everyone unhinged and longing for a home they don't remember.) that one was a real departure for me in tone and one of the few really long ones that I finished. I'm really proud of how I worked through the tricky parts (like literally how to solve the central problem) and some of the wordplay/imagery (the pages of mercutio's death floating through the town out of the empty church).

thanks for this ask <3 i'm glad people are still reading these fics!

[thief-of-eggs]

I'm anonymous because I have a bewildering crackship that happened to me two days ago and I need to tell literally anyone before I end up writing fanfiction,, It's St Peter and Sir Pentious, you asks are a confessional to me and I pray that my sins can be forgiven,, I don't know I just needed to tell someone

Wait but why am i kinda… why am i kinda interested 👀 They lowkey have the same dumb guy vibes- they’re both so silly and ??? Omg??? Also they both have titles in their names which I think is SO funny. St P and Sir P LOL. Ship name would be Penter??? SirSaint???

Like this post if yall are as curious as I am about this

[supercantaloupe]

top 5 places you've played at?

in no particular order: the kennedy center, strathmore music center, st peter's basilica, the ospedale della pieta in venice, and the loggia dei lanzi in florence

[ask meme]

[hemlock-dreams]

What's Spidys relationship like with the other NY bound heros?

Got a bunch of other hero asks so it's time for Ye Olde Lore Dump!

Johnny and H!Spiderman have never gotten along- in either universe.

They don't even really have any real beef with each other, they're just two dudes who grate on each other's nerves for no particular reason- like two guys at a frat party who are just waiting for an excuse to duke it out.

There's just something about Johnny's playboy easy-come-and-go vibe that makes Spidey want to plant a fist in his face. And Johnny thinks Spiderman is a fucking buzzkill.

Black Widow and Spiderman have a good working relationship. He once helped her out of a tight spot in New York and he was fast, smart and discreet about it- so when she's got some ops she needs a second pair of hands for (under the table), she calls him.

Spiderman admires Nat's competence and single-minded focus in getting things done- they all appeal to the hunter in him. (And he's got a massive crush on her.)

They usually do one or two jobs every few months, and meet up for drinks at one of her safehouses. She's also knows his secret identity, because she's just that scary.

Logan and Peter are BFFs. For real. Logan was in town to help with some shit that ended up involving Deadpool and found himself at St. Margaret's.

He and Peter struck up a friendship that ends up with them going camping every couple of months for a week or so.

Logan likes Peter's no-bullshit sincerity and can tell he's had some shit(TM) go down in his life. Peter's easy to talk to and is good at reading the room. And Peter feels like Logan fills in that space Marko left as a friend/mentor/gruff bro figure.

Logan actually picks up when Peter calls. (most others he leaves on read).

Fun fact, he has no idea Peter is Spiderman.

And another fun fact, it's not Johnny Deadpool is jealous of, it's Logan.

Peter has a very complicated relationship with the Avengers.

On one hand, he knows what they do and what they stand for- on the other hand, he's got a real problem with authority figures. He's been invited to the Avengers multiple times, in both realities.

The answer is always blanket N.O. (And, depending on whether it's stark asking, accompanied by a giant middle finger). (Though he's reluctantly agreed to have an avenger's phone in case there are any massive threats they need help with).

As for the members:

Stark gets on his nerves like nothing else. He's not super easy to rile up, but Stark's playboy arrogance (real or not), way he talks down at people, the self-appointed authority, the entitlement, and, of course, the fucking hypocrisy- it makes Spidey go 0 to 'cashmeoutside' immediately.

He and the Captain sometimes get along, but mostly when the Captain isn't in one of his preachy, pontificating moments. They do work very well together in a combat capacity, but they don't have much to talk about.

Thor is fine, but completely outside of Spidey's sphere and also, difficult to work with given his powers.

Bruce and Spidey just don't have much to talk about, and once again, Hulk is way too loud and can't particularly coordinate when they have to team up.

In general, H!Spiderman gets along with the more 'loner' heroes like Murdock, Deadpool, Black Widow, Bucky, Logan, Clint and so on.

(Side note, imagine he said all these shots fired shit to the Avengers and they were like 'no? none of this happened?' because it's not the same reality and Spiderman has to go home and die from the cringe???) (no we'll let him be cool for this)

-----

Once again, thank you so much for the asks!! I really appreciate all the love this AU has gotten and I hope these answers satisfy!!!

[real-twitterofficial]

Dear Elon Musk, 

For Christmas, I would like to be made into an automoton. A very specific automoton pictured below. For no reason. At all. :) 

Your friend, 

The Twitter Bird

[burning-fcols]

"Ugh. Why are you such a buzzkill? You could've stood up to Sera, yanno. Had her dismiss this whole meeting, but noooooo. Such a tool." ( Adam shut up jwhdkwjkdjlk; - for St. Peter c': ) - ✧ ˖ ˙ 「 @Qᴜᴇꜱᴛɪᴏɴᴀʙʟᴇᴍᴜꜱᴇꜱ 」 ˙ ˖ ✧

「 ☆ 」 Polite as Peter tries to be, even he can’t disguise the utter exasperated disbelief on his face as Adam lays into him for something he had NO control over. Granted, he’s used to this… A prominent figure when alive, it’s common to get blamed for every little thing that goes wrong. Whether he truly had a part to play or not. That’s the price of being a leader, he supposes. A price he never technically wanted but had thrust upon him regardless because of a grand incomprehensible plan— but it’s fine! Landed him here, didn’t it? An afterlife of mostly bliss HAS to be worth the price of a life struggling to fulfill the purpose he was given.

And failing a few times… Many times, as is human. Just with the added stressor of expectations far above what is normal.

But it was honestly fine.

❝ Uh… How much power do you think I have? ❞ Voice tinged with confusion that he HOPES doesn’t come across as insulting to Adam’s intelligence, Peter raises a slim brow. ❝ Because I think you’re severely overestimating my authority. ❞ True, he’s not some common angel. He was part of the ❛ inner circle ❜ , after all. The FIRST in the circle, even if his brother would claim he joined a bit quicker. Hell, he was the First Pope. One of THE most stressful jobs to ever exist, if he’s being honest. It’s hard to ignore the prestige that comes from such a track record…

But respect doesn’t always equate to power, and most days he feels like a glorified ❛ doorman ❜ . There to greet with a smile and a song, while his reputation focuses upon who he USED to be and not who he is. But again, that's common for him. Even when alive, focus was on who he would BECOME. His future or his past always at the forefront, his present never quite what people care about.

... Honestly, it's fine.

❝ I can't just tell Sera what to do... Besides, why didn't YOU try to stop her if you had a problem with it? You're always saying and doing whatever you want anyway. ❞ It's honestly impressive how unabashedly obnoxious Adam is. Peter could never have such boldness... Partially because he's not an asshole, but also due to not having the confidence to try even if he wanted to. 「 ☆ 」