#srsly bro how are you still alive

[3lliesan]

The Prefect after flipping off literal death for the nth time this month.

Ace: We are gathered here today to remember Life of the Ramshackle Prefect, Yuu, whose life was taken too soon... Fighting yet another Overblot.

Yuu on the nurse's bed, wrapped up in bandages for the nth time: Stop talking about me in front of other people as if I'm dead, Ace.

*All of the first years outside the Nurse room, door wide open.*

Epel: *sniff* Sometimes, I can still hear his voice.

Yuu: Man, fuck y'all!

[anika-kanroji16]

Akane vs Kana bullshit

I have to say I HATE the best girl wars. Like srsly I hate the Toxic Kana stans and I hate the Toxic Akane stans. I also hate the shipping wars but it a mixed bag for me because 1 : I love hearing people's opinions but 2 : THE TOXIC AQUAKANA SHIPPERS ALWAYS STARTING SHIT ESPECIALLY ON PINTERST Most Aquakane shippers want to be LEFT ALONE but they COME IN OUR POST , FANARTS AND VIDEOS then that's when we have fucking problem. But I digress I can make a WHOLE POST how Aquakana shippers ruin the ship for me more than the ship itself BUT the ship do have problems.

But Anyways Back to the Topic at hand I LOVE KANA, if you think I hate her you dumber than you look I loved her since season 1 and I LOVE AKANE MORE THAN KANA okay I AM AKANE FAN and she is Best girl in my heart but that doesn't mean I tolerate Kana slander.

To me you ain't a Kana fan if you slander Akane. And you ain't an Akane fan if you slander Kana. And that a fact .

We starting with Akane, cause I have fucking beef.

So, we just gonna debunk MOST OF THIS SHIT first with 1

Akane isn't "WiCkEd InTerNally" Akane is kind, sweet, supportive, caring, competitive, determined, compassionate, loving, sweet and adorable.

Akane's love ISN'T an obsession.

And Akane's love isn't about sex either her love is kind, sweet, supportive, wants to support Aqua and believe in helping one another. She just think that kissing and sex would be nice and about Kana's love YOU ACTING LIKE HER LOVE DOESN'T HAVE MENTION OF SEX EITHER BITCH.

SHE LITERALLY WANTED TO GO A LOVE HOTEL WITH AQUA!!! You STUIPD DUMB FUCK 😊💢

And you also acting that Kana's love is obsessive either. She OBESSED WITH BEING THE ONLY ONE THAT AQUA LOOKS AT AND SHE EXTERMALY DEPENDENT ON AQUA AS WELL.

And to prove Akane isn't obsessed with Aqua.

SHE ENCOURAGED KANA TO GO AFTER AQUA IN CHAPTER 149 EVEN THOUGH SHE STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM.

She a girl's girl just for that SHE SLAYS JUST FOR THAT.

No she doesn't know everything about Revenge. Cause if she did how come she didn't about the tracker.

Akane is SINCERE , SUPPORTIVE, LOVING CHARACTER. Did she wanted to date Aqua? Yes Yes she did. But you saying that's she selfish because of that FUCK YOU. Because wasn't she the one which said this.

Saying she isn't against BREAKING UP! WHICH ALSO PROVES SHE ISN'T OBSESSIVE AND THIS IS SHOWING HOW CARING SHE FUCKING IS. And to break this down even further if you talking about Akane keep the truth from Aqua, well she did that for his own good she didn't want Aqua to continue the path of revenge so she decided to hide it, it isn't for some selfish reason like wanting to have Aqa all for herself cause she literally said she not against breaking up with him. This is also the reason why she decided to kill Hikaru herself instead of telling Aqua. But I do agree that she should of told Aqua the truth cause she almost got killed.

This bitch really COMPARING Akane to FUCKING Hikaru. Akane is girl which is loving and supportive and would do anything to help Hoshino twins. Meanwhile Hikaru IS SOMEONE WHICH COMMITED MUTIPLE CRIMES AND MURDERED HUNDEREDS OF PEOPLE and ATTEMPTED TO KILL HER. And You can argue she attempt to kill him too. Okay And 🤨

Who worse? Akane, a loving and supportive girl and loves to help people and was willing risk her life to protect Aqua and Ruby 3X. OR A SERIAL KILLER NAMED HIKARU!! The answer is clear as fucking day.

.... Bro-

YOU BASICALLY INSULTING A REAL-LIFE PERSON WHICH UNALIVED THEMSELVES BECAUSE OF HATE COMMENTS. Several Actual. Telling people to kill themselves on the internet and hate comments in a serious issue in internet culture. So to say that saying someone putting hate comments and telling someone Kill themselves isn't an issue and Akane should of sucked it up is just offensive and DISGUSTING to say the least.

Akane isn't any of these thing. Like I discussed. SHE LITERALLY SAVED RUBY'S LIFE TWICE.

"She support no one other than her Ex" Meanwhile Akane: SAVING Ruby's life 2X , Supporting Kana with Aqua.

Akane SAVED RUBY'S LIFE 2X , attempted to kill Hikaru to save Aqua, support Kana and more. Most of Akane actions is out of kindness and not out of malice or ill intent. Meanwhile Hikaru kills people because of his obsession with Ai. There A HUGE DIFFERENCE.

"TeRrIBlE FAsHiON" Meanwhile Akane Fashion:

I rest my case.

Akane is NOTHING LIKE HIKARU. "Akane SAVED RUBY'S LIFE 2X , attempted to kill Hikaru to save Aqua, support Kana and more. Most of Akane actions is out of kindness and not out of malice or ill intent. Meanwhile Hikaru kills people because of his obsession with Ai. There A HUGE DIFFERENCE. "

Now next is Kana slander

Kana isn't useless!! and she isn't a fraud either . Her knowledge of the Entertainment industry is useful and it as a guide for Ruby and Mem cho. And she talented actress as well.

Kana's personality isn't trash, she relatable and funny as well as sweet and kind but at the same time loud mouthed and blunt which I love, she isn't afraid to speak her mind.

I suppose she has no development as character compared to Akane, Akane is always getting character development compare to Kana. But to say she's just a crybaby is insulting, she cries because she have insecurities, She cries cause she has been through a lot of hard times. And she literally was this arrogant brat at the beginning to a girl which got humbled by Aqua to a girl which still cocky and arrogant but learned to work together with others, and Kana was a girl which was broken from a young age so of course she more sensitive than others.

She amazing actress, she hard worker, and yes it annoying that she cries alot and she get dependent on Aqua almost everything single arc with her character she still a hard worker and still a great character. And even when she was dependent on Aqua the most aka the scandal arc in chapter 103 SHE ABLE TO BE HERSELF!!

And I love someone which isn't like that even though she dependent on Aqua 24/7.

Wtf- Bitch

KANA WAS VICTIM MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE!! Did she follow through with it. Yes, yes, she did and that was stupid of her. But Did she chickened out afterwards? According chapter 101 : YES SHE DID

That really all that matters. Even if she did do that for that reason the fact that she chickened out means that she knows that she doing something STUPID and she decide to not follow through that what really matters at the end of day.

Okay Kana was supposed to be center of B Komachi so the fact that she overshadowed by Ruby makes her jealously I could even understand this even though I was Ruby stan during this whole arc. Plus Ruby goes looking for other job leaving B Komachi to be taken care of by both Kana and Memcho to care of B Komachi. Kana just basically acted like Nino with her feelings to help Ruby to act like Ai. Of course she doesn't mean it when she wants her to disappear.

I do hate Kana for one thing and that is slapping Aqua's dead body during his funeral in Chapter 165. Like Sorry not Sorry but respectfully to you Kana fans. I don't give a shit if that the way she coping with Aqua's death.

There's other ways of coping which is just like

Kana punching her pillow and calling him stupid or deleting pictures of him and forgetting about him. There's otherwise of coping that isn't disrespecting Aqua, disrespecting the dead and disrespecting HIS FAMILY!!

Like sorry Kana stans but there's no way I ain't talking about it and tolerating this level of disrespect. But besides from that, I love Kana as character.

To summarize both Oshi No Ko girls are AMAZING to the fucking END. Both Akane and Kana, Why people are being such bitches about towards one and loving the other. Both of them are amazing and you shouldn't be saying such crap towards any of them. Especially Akane. Akane isn't motherfucking Hikaru. She nothing like him.

Be like this not like that.

✨ Thank you for your time. ✨

[rexlroze]

I'm back with the rant hoes✌ did y'all miss me?

The starting w the "You look at Hobie's gloved hand longingly" after the line about husbands holding the wifes hand. I know what you want, R🫵. You ain' slick🙄 (I say that as if I'd let go of his hand once I hold it.)

Hobie needs a big slap in the back of his head and a wake up call. (I'm happy to deliver it)

NO DON'T "NEVERMIND" R, SAY SOMETHING BEFORE I STRANGLE YOU JUST SAY SOMETHING WHY TORTURE US WITH THE ANTICIPATION.

I love how Hobie is trying to take care of R but also not push any boundaries or actually show that he still loves R because he doesn't want to actually get too attached again but he already has. Idk I like yapping. Also, why doesn't he just smooch off her bitten lips. Kisses heal everything, I'm telling you.

Clementine is so real for falling in love with Hobie instantly like HOW COULD YOU NOT?? HE'S SO FUCKING *rips out my intestines and makes a smoothie.*

Is the family like a future reflection of R and Hobie? that would be adorable (unless Katy goes on a rampage and decides she wants to kill R 🙄)

Personally, I don't like honey. Shit's kinda thick asf and makes me gag👀 (also why does this emoji 🍑 pop up when I type thick? 👀)

Not them using horses as references to themselves. Also do we have fucking CherryBucket (Buckeye x Cherry ship name comfirmed??? ARE WE ALLOWED TO SHIP HORSES?? 😥)

OH MY GOD, AN ARGUMENT??? THIS SEEMS LIKE ANGST HEAVEN 🤤 So juicy. (Not that I want them to fight, I just dig the angst 👀💦... Don't come for me 😥)

UGHHHH the whole paragraph with R just begging asking him for answers to why he didn't send even a single letter, even if it was just to tell her to stay away is like stabbing me with a knife, twisting it, pulling it out them shoving it down my throat. Bitch- I love it.

I love Hobie slowly getting nearer to the edge, slowly about to snap then put back into place. It does something to me😋

BRO YOU NEED TO CHILL ON THE HOBIE BACKSTORY. I MEAN, BEING BURIED ALIVE, HIS THROAT BEING SLIT AND ALL THAT? HOW IS MF SRSLY ALIVE, LIKE HE GOTTA BE GOD'S FAVORITE ATP 😭🙏 I can see why he didn't come back but still, R got a valid point. Sorry man. You could've sent a letter but thank God you didn't because you wouldn't have been reunited>w<

AHH THEY KISSED??? WE'VE BEEN BLESSED IEKCKEKIWIFOEKT *screaming, clawing at my skin, bones, screeching, FHIE* Tongue confirm please??

OH TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAMWORK BABY, GET THEIR ASSES TOGETHER 😩

Alright so I hope to write the rant for BDAS in tomorrow or today (no promises, I suck at them) and THEN I'll read Chap 6. It's a punishment for me and homework👍

(I wanted to make this longer but I'm so done w life atp)

On these Metal Tracks I Lay Myself Bare

Pairing: Cowboy! Hobie Brown x fem! Reader

Word count: 6.5k

Tags: Use of Y/N sparsely, no specific physical description of the reader, CW food mention, CW guns, TW violence, CW injury, Cowboy AU, wild west AU.

Our Place in the Middle of Nowhere Masterlist

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CHAPTER 5 >>> CHAPTER 6

The train station is packed with people, all finely dressed, waiting along the tracks, their luggages weighing heavy in their hands. The place smells of iron and steel, sweat soaked wood and rough leather. Your eyes wander around the station, domed ceilings loom above, carvings of horses and birds decorate the chestnut wood. Sunlight filters through the cracks, rays of light acting as a spotlight to the ornate building. It's a busier train station than the town you were in, the city you've stopped in is huge in comparison to the little towns you've passed by. The station is full of ticketing booths, lines stretching a few feet away that are full of impatient passengers. You look across the train tracks, seeing parents chastising their children, hearing hurried murmurs from husbands, holding their wives’ hands even though the luggage in their hand slows them down. You look at Hobie's gloved hand that's resting upon the ticket booth, you stare at it longingly, eyes getting glossy by the minute.

He's taking you home, and just like back home, you have no say in it.

A train whistle echoes, a signal of its metallic arrival. Its steel body creaks as it stops, its copper inlay is slowly turning green, and there's rust around the wheels. Soon, the station fills with smoke, dark tar belching smoke that sticks to your lungs as you cough. You feel a warm hand on your back, in a second you look back, the warmth is gone.

“You alright?” Hobie asks, lighting up a cigarette in-between his lips.

“It's the smoke,” you say, scratching at your throat that he cannot keep looking at for the scar in his neck throbs at the memory from the mundane act.

“Alright,” without a second thought, he takes his freshly lit cigarette from his mouth and then flicks it away from you, embers fly off in the distance just before it lands on the dirt outside.

You feel like the golden light in the summer. “I was talking about the coal smoke from the train. But that works too, thank you.”

He scoffs, a small smile ghosting over his lips. “Right, didn't do it for you, I did it for myself. Heard it kills people y'know.” Nudging you, he doesn't expect for you to shuffle away. Blinking, he avoids your eyes, “that's our train, it's an overnight one so we can rest in our cabin.” He tugs you in by the sleeve of your coat that's tucked in between his middle and forefinger, guiding you towards the waiting doors.

“That's good.” You follow, eyes trained on his back lest you get lost.

As much as you don't want to go home, you still don't want to leave him despite your mind telling you to forget about him and just leave on Cherry and wander around the west like a tumbleweed caught in the wind. You'd probably last a week.

Hobie stops by the doors, waiting in line with the other passengers. You flick your eyes downwards, his fingers wrapped around your sleeve, not taut, just holding you close to him as the crowd grows. So close to your own hands, yet so far from your heart.

“Tickets?” The man clad in a blue uniform asks, Hobie shows the pink papers and the man nods.

You enter the train car, it's a cute little thing filled with blue velvet curtains with golden tassels, and carpeted floors that run towards the end of the car. On your left are filled with little cabins, with clear windows that you can see through inside. It's big enough for at least four people, five if possible, though it would be a tight fit. The hallway is already small enough that only two people could walk side by side, you'd like to walk side by side with him, unlike now that you walk behind him, behind his shadow that gathers around you like dandelions in the spring.

“This is us,” he stops at cabin number three, opening the door with a creak, he leans away to let you enter first. Closing the door behind him, he pulls down all the curtains so that wandering eyes can't watch your every move. It's bad enough that there's a bounty on both of your heads, you don't want gossiping passengers peering inside.

There are four collapsible beds on each wall, all held by golden ropes, bed sheets in rich red cloth, pillows fluffed to perfection and blankets neatly folded. Hobie scooches in between you and the beds to close the top bunks so that there's more space for his tall frame. He has taken his hat off not for politeness but if he wore it inside it'll be squished by the low ceiling. Then there's the large window that sits across the door, before you could take note of the people outside, Hobie shuts the curtains close.

“What do you think?” He asks, taking his jacket off with a flourish. “It's not even close to the ones back home but it'll do for now. We'll be train hopping to get our scents off the lawmen.”

“It's nice— wait, train hopping?” You sit down on one of the beds, the mattress is surprisingly soft under you. “Please don't tell me we'll be jumping from train roof to train roof.”

Hobie chuckles, copying your actions, sitting across from you. Back resting against the wall, comfortably slouching. “Think you can handle it?”

“God, no.” You can't help but rest your tired head upon the goose feather pillow.

“Good, because we're not doin' that, love.” Again, he copies you. Arms tucked under his head, eyes above the ornate ceiling. “We’re not gettin' off at the last station, so we'll be ridin’ with Buck and Cherry for a bit and then to another train station. Confuse the wankers with our brilliant wiles.”

You lift your head off the pillow, and in turn, Hobie turns his head to look at you. “Wait, what about the horses?”

“They'll follow the train.” He smiles.

“Follow? Like they have our scents?” Hobie laughs, not teasingly, no, it's full of endearment, chuckling softly, but it flies over your head.

“Don't laugh. It's a genuine question.” You roll your eyes with slight amusement.

“They're in the back carriage,” he tamps down his laugh but his smile stays.

After that silence prevails in your cabin as the train slowly chugs on, sharp whistles piercing your eardrums, and the hum of machinery bringing you back home. You want to speak to him, to finally tell him of all your concerns about going home, going back to them. But most of all, you want him to speak to you about everything, to tell you how he was faring for the last five years, and how he became such a terrifying figure to outlaws. You want him to just…talk, and make up for lost time. You gather the courage, but just as you were about to speak, he no longer lies across from you. Hobie is sitting on the bed, body facing the door, hands busy with oiling his guns.

“Hobie…I—”

“What is it?” He flicks his eyes briefly to you, his tone was sharp, but he didn't mean it, blaming it for his own worries and fatigue. He'd say something about it but you're already facing away from him. Back turned, blanket shielding you from him.

“Nevermind,” you mumble into the covers, falling into a deep slumber where the conversation happened in your dreams.

This goes on for three days, hopping from train to train, from busy cities to dead empty towns. You barely speak, talking only when Hobie asks you something. It's like you're back at that empty mansion, with only the plants to talk to.

Hobie silently hates it, he doesn't know what to make out any of it. You seem hungry so he gives you a can of strawberries, you look tired so he lets you sleep without him saying a word. When goosebumps appear on your arms he gives you a blanket, when you're nervous, lips bitten until it's bleeding, he leaves you alone to calm yourself down. None of it works, he misses your chatter that has kept him sane the entire journey. The silence gives him time to think though, a situation that he despises since nothing good has come out of all the thinking.

—

The rest of the journey goes without a hitch, except for that one bit where Bucky was stolen by an outlaw while you and Hobie were buying train tickets. You panic while he sits and waits. People look at you like you were a mad woman pacing back and forth, hand petting Cherry, voice whispering your thoughts to the poor hitched horse. And Hobie just…stares. After what seemed like forever, or fifteen minutes, Bucky returns, riderless, still has his saddle on his back, and seemingly chipper. Turns out, Hobie trained Buckeye to throw off would-be thieves, and this time, Bucky found a convenient ledge to throw this particular man off. You and Hobie quickly ushered both horses into the back just in case a sheriff comes looking for a murderous horse.

You've been seeing a few familiar faces in the crowd of travelers, the same children that's tugging at their father's coat, the same old couple that helps each other up on the platforms. Some have taken notice of you too, to which you smile politely at them while they wave kindly at you.

—

It's another warm humid day, another train to ride in. You don't bother to look at the interior this time, only deciding to sit on the cushy seat you were assigned to, sliding inside the booth, eyes already staring longingly at the outside world. Hobie once again tries to speak about something— anything to try to get you to finally speak your mind, but his rapid pulse tells him otherwise. So he clamps his mouth shut, deciding to sit across from you instead of sitting next to you like he wanted to.

He feels eyes on his form as he picks mud off his spurs, raising his head, he comes face to face with a freckled child staring at him curiously with her big blue eyes. Her tiny hands are curled around a teddy bear, her fiery red hair is tied into a neat ponytail. You notice her a second later, smiling softly at the child.

“Hello,” you greet kindly, and the girl scampers back to her family's seat, hiding her blushing face behind her mother's skirt.

“Sorry about that.” Her mother apologizes, round pregnant belly prominent as she tries to coax her daughter out. “This is Clementine, she's a bit shy.”

“That's alright,” you speak on behalf of Hobie. “Hi, Clementine, my name's Y/N, and this is my companion, Hobie.” The second your eyes meet his own, Hobie's breath gets stuck in his throat.

“Say hello, Clem, be polite.” The girl's father playfully pokes her side. Blue eyes hidden behind rounded glasses.

“Hi,” she says in a small voice, giggling when she looks back at Hobie.

“I think she has a crush on your husband.” Clementine's mother chuckles, patting her daughter's back for a job well done.

“My husband?” Panic sets in your chest until you see her gesturing towards Hobie. “Oh,” you chuckle shakily, fists bunched around your trousers.

Hobie notices, he doesn't say anything about it. He takes your reaction as something else, so to keep your embarrassment at bay, he tells the couple otherwise. “Not her husband. Just escortin’ her.”

The air becomes awkward. “Oh,” the mother rubs her belly, smiling gently. “Sorry, you two just look like a good pair.”

Her husband taps her shoe with his. “Just like us, eh, sweetheart?” The wife shakes her head with a bashful smile, bringing a grin to the man's lips. You start to think that this is what marriage is supposed to be. Caring, loving, clinging onto each other in the best way that doesn't stifle or choke, just love in its most natural form. It's unlike any marriages you've seen and experienced back home. “So where are you folks off to? I'm guessing south? We've been seeing you two around since Valentine, it's nice to have some company during the journey don't you think?”

Hobie doesn't sense malicious intent from the parents. “Sure, whatever you say, mate.”

“You're not from around here aren't you?” The little girl listens to the conversation, head moving from side to side whenever someone speaks. “That's alright,” she laughs softly, rummaging for something in her bag. Hobie has his thumb pressed along the side of his gun. “I can tell you'll be good neighbors,” she hands you a small jar of honey, it's bright yellow and clear, you wish you had some tea to go with it. Hobie breathes a sigh of relief. “Here you go!”

“Oh no thank you, we can't possibly take it.”

“Please do.” The husband says, “we used to have a colony of bees, but we had to sell them all before we moved.”

“We have dozens of unsold honey, we're honestly just looking to get rid of it before we get to our destination. They're heavy, y'know.” His wife finishes for him. “Clem, can you give it to sweet Y/N for me?”

“That's so kind of you.” You smile, nodding. “You're moving to the south?”

“Okay.” She happily takes it, walking across the aisle to you and Hobie. Unsurprisingly, she gives it to Hobie instead of you. “Here you go.” She copies her mother.

Hobie takes the jar with trepidation. “Thank you?”

You quiet down a laugh while Clementine’s parents guffaw across you.

“Oh she's in love.” The mother says, arms raised to embrace her daughter who welcomes her touch. You can't help but feel a pang in your heart at her love for her child. “And yes we're going to be living there with my in-laws. Rent has gone too high in the west, y'know.” You nod along, making friendly conversation.

“Wish I had tea,” you hear Hobie mumble. You smile softly at his words.

—

It's been a couple of more trains, and more smoke in your lungs, you start to feel like your hands are starting to smell like the steel that you now know as your temporary home. The scenery outside your window has changed. From grassy dusty plains of tumbleweeds and windmills to rolling mountains that rise up high with large looming trees that shield you from the sun. Soon your view will be full of the southern charm, but you don't look forward to it, being there means that you're closer to getting back to the place you dread.

You've grown quite close to Clementine and her little family, even the other familiar passengers that are heading the same way as you are quite fond of you as well. You eat breakfast with them, have afternoon tea, and have even introduced Cherry and Bucky to the children. They've lovingly named them both ‘horsies,’ to which you'd always giggle at.

Clementine has latched onto you, you teach her about plants and flowers, and have her draw them for you just like you've sweetly described it to her. But when Hobie's near, she opts to be his shadow for the time being, following him everywhere until her mother calls her back. Hobie is half annoyed that he can't find the time to speak to you, but he's glad that there's someone as a mediator between the two of you or he'll start vomiting out words that may or may not make the situation worse.

Your back aches at the lumpy mattress that you've unfortunately landed into. You can't help but give up the assigned cabin for you and Hobie to Clementine and her family since the beds are much more comfortable in that cabin. So you offered to exchange it, citing that the mother, Florence, you've come to know, needs it more because of the growing baby in her. She gratefully gave you another jar of honey for your sacrifice.

Hobie enters the booth, heavy boots thumping against darkened wood, spurs clicking, footsteps rolling along like a thick heavy fog of loneliness.

“Where were you?” He asks even though he's afraid that he'd be overbearing. His worries win over him.

You grip the spine of the borrowed book, knuckles tightening, eyes drawn downwards to the written word that spells out ‘grief.’ “I visited Cherry, I don't want her to be lonely.” You barely look at him.

Hobie flexes his hands not out of anger, no, out of fear of losing you, this time, just like the last time he did, he doesn't know why or how he could even lose you. He sits down across from you, bed creaking from his weight. He tries to play as the nonchalant cowboy like he always had for the past five years.

“Clementine was lookin' for you.” *I was looking for you. “Cherry won't be lonely, she has Bucky with her.”

“Bucky hasn't been much help when all he does is look at her. Not much of a conversationalist.” You flick your eyes over to him, flashes of anger and hopelessness are melted into your irises.

“Maybe Bucky just doesn't have the words.”

“And maybe Cherry just wants to talk to him.”

“That fuckin’ horse,” he laughs, you don't find the humour in his words. But he clearly does. Your anger flies over his head. “that horse is already worth half of your bounty.” His words are a sharp sting in your arteries. “If she actually speaks she'll be worth it.”

“And what if she doesn't? That she's not worth your damned money?” You toss the book aside. Anger seeping out of your pores. “You'll sell her after you bring me in to my aunt?” Your voice breaks, and you hate yourself for it. “Am I just that to you? A bounty?” The dam breaks, and everything you've kept to yourself bursts open.

“That's not—” The heart that he has sewn together breaks at the seams.

You abruptly stand up, tears pricking your eyes. Inhaling, you stare down the man you love. The only man you've ever loved. “You are not what I hoped to find when I escaped on that ship.”

Before he could say something, anything, you disappeared into another train car, and amidst the metallic halls.

—

Another grueling day, another steel cage to get into. The train whistles as it comes to a stop, you've grown acclimated to the smell of burning coal, you let it coat your lungs as you enter the train with Hobie silently trailing after you.

Your eyes are glossed over, red and swollen from the sobs you've let out over the course of the last sixteen hours. Hobie hasn't talked to you since then, always looking at your back, face unreadable. You pass by familiar faces, you don't acknowledge them. You're tired, bones aching, muscles twitching from lack of sleep and water. Head thrumming, you enter your designated cabin like a doe who has lost its way.

There's a sinkhole underneath your feet, slowly it eats at you, up to your shins and up your thighs, coating your flesh in mud and dirt. You don't tug at him anymore, the small ember of hope in your chest has diminished, instead, you let the ground swallow you whole— letting it suffocate you, letting it drown your lungs in soil.

Just like he did on the first train ride, there's four beds on each wall, but instead of an empty space in the middle, there's a little foldable table. You close the top bunks and lay down on one of the bottom ones, head heavy against the soft pillow. You feel his presence behind you, and then a cool steel atop your bicep. You flinch away, thinking it was a barrel of a gun.

“I figured you're thirsty.” He says, hand hovering above your shoulder in an attempt to calm you down. The train whistle rings out, and the engine whirrs and starts up as more smoke bellows outside your window.

You take the flask, sitting up to take a drink. He sits across from you, elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped in front of him.

Hobie sees the glow of your ring, he instinctively brings his hand up to his own that has made its home around his neck; hidden behind his clothes, finding comfort in its gilded form, the closest thing he can get to you.

“Why do you still hold on to me? After all these years?” He asks, eyes swirling with unknown emotion.

“Why did you let me go?” You answer, and that was the end of the conversation. Then it hits you, he truly doesn't love you anymore.

—

Night comes, and with it your sadness comes flooding through you, getting in the corners, slithering around every crevice— it has memorized your form and made it its home.

Weirdly enough, Hobie hasn't left the cabin, his lingering presence doesn't stifle you, unlike the man back at home who watches you with piercing glares. Even with your fury, your mind still finds comfort in Hobie.

He hears your almost silent cry, he wants to hold on to you, to brush his palms on your cheeks, to wipe away the tears and press his lips against your own. But he can't, or you'll think that he didn't mean it, that he only did it to make you calm down. It would be a cheap satisfaction for the both of you.

“I didn't let you go, I had to go.” He suddenly says above the quiet cutting of an apple in his hand, leaving pieces of it on your side just in case you want it. His voice doesn't waver, perhaps he has been saying the exact words to you in his mind for the past five years. You still have your back turned facing him as the deep rumble of the train goes on. “I was young and stupid. I was forced—”

You suddenly turn towards him, sitting up on the lumpy mattress. “And I was young and stupid too, yet I knew in my heart that running away with you wasn't foolish. Was it stupid to you? Escaping with me? That you'd rather run away, alone, to another country than be with me?” The memory of a young you waiting for him with your luggage in your grip has you seething.

Hobie matches your anger, hunting knife pausing on the red apple. “Did you hear what I said?” He angrily skins the fruit, slicing and dicing at its flesh. “You have no idea what I've done to survive. I have endured a lot to be where I am now—”

“And what of what I endured?!” You stand up, taking your bag, rummaging through it. “I'm truly sorry for whatever happened to you— but how could I apologize for something that I don't even know?” You toss the letters on the desk after struggling to take it out of the bag. “There! The letters that were sent back to me because I had no idea where you would be! Read them, and you'll know of the things I've endured. Unlike you who would rather look at me with contempt than tell me why I deserve that horrid gaze.” You gasp for air, he lets you speak, his own anger dissipating, fear once again encompasses him. “I thought you were dead, everyone kept telling me you were, but I didn't believe them. It's been years, my hands are raw from— I mourned you.” You pause, watching your golden ring glow in the lampshade. “Do you know how much that hurt? To start to believe their words? To lose hope? I didn't know where you were but you knew where I was and yet, not a single fucking letter went my way.”

Hobie stares at the letters spilled all over the table, apple juice seeping into the yellowed paper. He takes one, the oldest looking one that has its edges burned. Breaking the wax seal, he reads as he listens to your words coated in venom and grief.

“One letter, Hobie, and I would've understood. Then I wouldn't have come after you if you just told me you didn't want to be with me anymore.” You nod, “and now you're bringing me home, to the same people who would rather keep me locked up and tell me lies. I don't know how your letter got in my possession, but now I know that you didn't mean anything you wrote in it.” For five years you've asked yourself, ‘was it me?’ ‘Was I the reason you left?’ you never got the answer to your question, so now you ask him finally. “Was it me?”

Hobie raises his head to look upon your sorrow, his hand shakes at the act they've done to you the second he escaped. He had thought they'd leave you alone, that they'd finally let you go once he was gone and forgotten; but he never thought it would get worse, the hurtful words and slaps on the wrists were nothing compared to what they've done after that night he was almost buried alive— the night you tried to escape with him. His mind draws the scene, blood coating your knees, your pained cry as your aunt jabs your hands with the tip of a fountain pen. And then her words of hollow apologies as she heals your wounds so that it wouldn't scar. You're filled with them, invisible to the eye, but not to you, the only person who has felt every single torturous wound.

‘It's terrible,’ you wrote, ‘not ever seeing you again.’ And he agonizingly read it. No, it wasn't you, it was them, them who would rather commit murder just to mimic what he had. Hobie can't form coherent words at what he just read, anger and sadness piercing his veins like a poisoned arrow of guilt.

You sniff, wiping the tears in your eyes as he just stares back at you. His hands shakes, paper crumpling under his tight grip, he needs to bring you home. But not there, not at the gilded cage he left you in.

The cruelty of memory has plagued you, you try to remember, you reminisce, but did it actually happen? Did all his love for you even happen?

“You don't have to keep reading,” you say solemnly, “it doesn't matter now, we're nearly there.” With a slide of the door, you leave.

—

After the twelfth tear stained letter, with his own tears flowing down and leaving moistened webs on the paper, he has had enough. His eyes always seem to see the same words now, ‘was it me?’ ‘Are you alive?’ and ‘When will you come back?’ Hobie hasn't even made a dent on the letters, barely reading half of the pile of longing you've left. Hobie's mind swirls into different emotions, going through every scenario where he didn't run away, where he came back for you while clutching his still bleeding throat and body covered in moist soil.

He was foolish to try and push you away, to hold you at arm's length, to only look at you like he has let the poisonous words thrown at him by the very same man that gave him the scar curl around him like blackened smoke that stains his clothes. He thought that wanting you back would bring nothing but hurt, especially that he thought that he didn't deserve it. To want is his demise, to have you again in his arms is his folly, but what a wonderful folly it would be.

How could he do all of that to you when his scarred flesh is in the shape of your name.

He pockets the letters, tucking it inside his waist coat, right above his heart just to feel your words through them. The door opens with a click, and he walks towards your direction like a compass built inside him that always points towards you. His fingers glide along the scar on his neck, raised skin felt through his gloves as he walks from carriage to carriage. Where there's open air in between, cool breeze stinging his moistened cheeks. Then he stops at the edge of a crowd, a jaunty tune plays from a traveling musician, playing for a scrap of coins in the corner. People gather around the brightly lit bar, alive and happy, and there you are standing as if you're frozen in time. As if he's seeing you just how he left you.

Amidst the familiar faces within the crowd that gathers in the small bar to converse, he stares at you, and by some miracle, you stare back at him, meeting his jade eyes that are surrounded by a sickened red. There's a soft, ghost of a smile on your lips, even after what you've told him— eyes full of love for the same man who has your heart in the palm of his hands; gentle, caring and yet unknowingly the only person that could truly hurt you the most without the painful slap of a wooden board against your back. It brings him back in time, under the cloudy gas light and the whir of the metal machines whose maw opens and closes to reveal heated metal— His mouth opens and he says the exact same thing that he has been saying every single time his eyes meet yours in secret— ‘meet you back at home.’ He utters, a promise kept under the smell of unlit gunpowder and cheap champagne that your aunt always buys to placate the workers. And you say the same words back without a bated breath— ‘wait for me.’ You almost cry out into the crowd, you'd scream it if it weren't for the forbidden relationship. It has been like that through every cheap congratulatory milestone the factory and your aunt has thrown. You don't speak to him, but your longing eyes do. He doesn't come near you, but his hand would always gravitate towards your velvet clad hand. ‘No one else knows.’ ‘No one else knows,’ those words echo in your mind like a root taking its place. Yet, someone saw, it only takes one good pair of eyes to see the growing love between you— ‘no one knows,’ he mirrors, but one does. It only takes one to set off a domino effect, an effect that would lead to his attempted murder, and to your demise that he isn't fully privy to. ‘No one knows,’ ‘no one knows,’ you whisper to yourself as you pack your bags to escape the life you haven't got a say in. No one knows, and yet, one did, and that one got your love's neck slashed and buried alive in the same soil you once kissed above on, under the same tree that you were supposed to meet in.

He wondered why you didn't show up, but the one that knew did. No one knows, and the one that did lived in your house, ate your food, shared a bed with your aunt— a story told through a letter from a man he once worked with, a man who now has one eye, a man that helped dig him out of the shallow grave they've put him in, waiting to bleed out in the earthbound soil. A dangerous letter that he had burned in the fire from anger. He wanted revenge, but you would be the cost. So he survived and killed, and survived again, always seeing you in the corner of his eye, always hearing your almost forgotten voice when he's on the edge of sleep. He survived and now he's here, meeting with your eyes amidst the crowd once again— with the evidence of his survival curling around him like a heavy rope, and your own hovering above you like a grey cloud that threatens to spill, yet he still utters the same words above the murmuring happier crowd, “meet you back at home.” His throat closes in around the words, almost screaming it to the crowd.

A tear slips from your eyes that are full of woe, and you say the words back, quieter, unsure, yet, the love is still there— “wait for me.”

Hobie breathes for the first time, his feet carrying him around the crowd, weaving through bodies to get to you while you stand still, waiting for him, watching as he desperately trudges to get to you.

You look just like how he remembered, standing by the oak tree, waiting for him even if his hands are stained black from grease— you'd still hold his hand. Now his hands are soiled in crimson that drips onto the floorboards, and yet you still hold your hand out towards him. He would atone for his sins if that's what you'd ask of him, but no one would grant him his penance, he has accepted that fact long ago. Only your touch could mimic it.

Hobie finally makes it to you, now he stands in front of your form, now he notices your hand grasping his own. Featherlight, unsure, if he'd reciprocate, giving him enough time to shake you off. But he doesn't, instead, he holds on to you tighter as he leads you outside of the noisy carriage and away from prying eyes, what he should've done all those years ago.

Hobie tugs you out of the hole that has consumed you.

Silently, you follow him, squeezing his hand twice to let him know that you're right behind him without him looking over his shoulder to inspect. You feel his fingers run along the ring on your finger.

The sound of the metal wheels are loud in your ears, steam rolling off in waves as it warms your back. It's dark out, the moon above guiding his path while he opens the other door leading towards the last carriage that carries horses and baggage.

The moon has always been a comfort to you. You thought in those years without him that he'd be staring at the same moon as you, that at least you've still got a connection with him. Even if you weren't sure he'd be alive to look up at the sky. Arms suddenly envelopes you, hands cradling the back of your head to keep you close to him, face hidden in the crook of your neck.

You're the first one to speak while you tentatively raise your arms to embrace him back. He's warm, warmer than you remember. “Do you mean it?”

Hobie sniffs, diamonds rolling off his cheeks, a promise falling from his lips, “yes, I'll bring you home, my home.” He molds himself to the shape of you once again. An act that you've been trying to attain since the beginning of the journey, now you're both perfectly aligned with each other, heartbeats synching and full. “I'll tell you everything, everything you need to know.”

“Just the ones you're willing to tell, Hobie. I'm so sorry for yelling those words at you.” You hold his head in your hands, gentle, caring, cradling him like you're holding the moon. Guiding it upwards so you could stare at his viridescent eyes that's full of hope for the first time in years. But the gnawing in your mind draws too close to you. “They'll never stop, they will keep hunting us down.” A sob breaks through your throat, “You have to bring me to them.” Tears flow out of you, “or we'll never be at peace. You'll never be at peace.”

The horses neigh behind you, Cherry huffs while Buckeye just stares at the scene. The carriage rattles for a moment before Hobie leans, laying his forehead atop yours, squeezing the soft skin on your nape. He closes his eyes, inhaling you in, you almost crumble in his arms. You've dreamt of this day, dreamt of holding him like this once again.

“You're my peace.” he whispers, “They can try to ruin that peace, but I'll stop them. I'll kill them if I had to.”

“Okay,” you close your eyes, just as he opens his own. “Take me home.”

“‘m sorry,” he kisses your forehead, lips lingering, a heavy kiss that brings you back to life, mending all your doubts. “Let's go home, yeah?” Leaning away, his eyes dart over to a man coming your way, he doesn't find it suspicious, but then the stranger brandishes a gun, raising it over your head. “Y/N—!”

Your body flings off to the side, hip hitting harshly on the corner of a crate. Then a loud cackle of a gun goes off, the sound bouncing off the walls, gunpowder flying over head, hiding Hobie from your vision. You yell his name, but you can't hear your own voice from the ringing in your ears.

Everything happens slowly in your eyes. Smoke spreads as you see Hobie still standing and unscathed, gun raised, barrel aimed at the man's head. Said man runs towards him like a bull, making Hobie miss his shots. Yet the man still shoots at him, slower than Hobie but just as deadly. Hobie leans his head slightly to the side, effectively dodging a bullet. You scamper towards Cherry, lifting yourself up, waiting for the right moment. And then you slap your precious horse, making her kick before he could reach Hobie. Cherry's deadly kick hits the perpetrator right on his back, where a sickening crunch can be heard. The sheer force of the kick has dust flying off his body, and now he lays motionless on the wooden floor.

“Fuckin' hell.” Hobie gawps at you, smile spreading across his lips. “You alright?” He walks over to you, or tries to while Cherry gives one last kick towards the dead man.

“Yeah,” you nod, patting Cherry, Keeping her calm. “It's okay, girl. I'm so sorry.” You coo at her, Hobie goes around the horse to hold you. “Are you—?”

His arms wrap around your waist, lips smashing on yours. You inhale and it's already over. Even if it was quick, it wasn't a cheap satisfaction, it's everything. He pats your cheek affectionately, beaming at you, holding you close. “You're brilliant.” His thumb rubs softly where you hit your hip on the crate, a silent apology.

You smile, heart thumping loudly like an engine. “It was all Cherry.”

“Should I snog the horse now too?” Hobie says smugly, eyebrows raised in amusement.

“No, preferably just me, for now at least.” You tap his chest, bashfulness encompassing you.

“Nah, it's you until the end, love.” He clicks his forehead against yours, making you chuckle.

A scream rings out from the other carriage, hurried footsteps bounding away. “Do you think—?”

Hobie reloads his gun effortlessly, giving the spare one to you. “You're a better shot than me anyway.” He takes one last look at you, as if this is the last time he'd ever set his eyes on you. “Whoever they are, I'll cut through them. Cover my back?”

“Always,” You nod, taking the silver six-shooter, “then we'll go home after this.”

He grins, hope in his eyes. “Home, you'll love it there.”

“Let's cut through all of them then.”

[danepopfrippery]

Totally handling a finale normally

Yes im rewatching again. Some thoughts:

*While I’d put nothing past the council, I dont think its a trap. They dont seem all that well run themselves, so vague competence is well regarded. They would assume Laszlo would follow Nadja, that would maybe separate Nandor from them but the council doesn’t seem to know Colin died either. Also Donal being chil painting Nandor whom they all mocked and groped ‘dead’ last ep proves to me at least the belief the special guests knew he was faking, cuz he was throwing a tantrum loud enough humans could hear it let alone vampires. So while you’d go oh they promoted Nadja for being ruthless in killing him, nah those vamps knew he was alive and having a fit. To separate all the vampires only works if you knew Colin would be reborn and vampires dont seem to know dick about energy vampires. Think how big that library was...like...stories of books. 2-3 pages total on energy vampires. Even filtering out porn thats a pretty small chunk.

*Srsly Girly Jim, Barren and their son the hell hound is the spin off we deserve (with an animated Sam the Cat familiar interlude). You’d think they’d be the weirdest weirdos there but they were just chillin.

*So... Grandpa Walt doesnt make the Grounded for Life portrait? Also if the 2016 painting is accurate Donal only became a vampire recently...or has some day walker ability.

*Those who said hey maybe the guide knew about Colin and set them up....no. Cuz he clearly slimed from tummy to room there was a clear trail. And he couldn’t have been down there long because even for being drama queens they would have had to have heard his crying eventually. No one incl Guillermo heard it while packing. Laszlo makes reference a few times to his totally not grieving process that he hasn’t allowed anyone in the basement at all, let alone to see his body because he hasn’t said goodbye yet.

*Guillermo: bro what with the gloves? They went from fingerless to full thru the season and they are never explained and dont seem to make any sense. Also fighting in suspenders? Dedication. He clearly went shopping when promoted.

*I think Laszlo’s motivation is legit as he said no hiding. People rightfully dont trust him now after his double cross but he seemed legit upset, and only changed when Nadja told him they’d rule the world. I also genuinely believe he did not go down to the basement til they were leaving to say goodbye. Someone said the witches hat is a big tip off and I agree. Nadja’s mad he fucking has it, I dont think he’d fake out packing it if he werent intending to go. Also he ONLY kept 3 boxes of porn lololol...so most of his shit is on its way with her. When this aired last night I first thought Colin may be WITH him, as he doesnt allow hugs and has the human food (of course no one allowed hugs). Boy that was some shit...Barry (from Archer) level double cross there bro.

*Laszlo was friends with Walt Whitman and apparently went out with 3 whores and 2 man whores the ‘afternoon’ his dad died. But he cared anyway...in a prior ep (explaining hypnosis didnt work) he references a book by his father’s ashes.

*The Guide so far hasn’t been shown to double cross so I dont think she faked Nandor out with a fake trip. Nandor is an idiot but even he knew he had to cross the ocean to come to America. I didnt catch what she said about the coffin ‘international bill of...’ but its shown they can do that easily by ship. Someone said Nandor’s train only goes 45 mins lololol. But we dont know the details...he literally didnt know anything south of delaware existed...and Laszlo thought the south (devils cross roads) was in California. I assume there was some kind of US/South America/Canada based plan then they’d ship over to Iran/Iraq and go wherever on that side of the earth. I still think the Guide did the planning, or at least the rough idea of it. He clearly did some of it (jansport). I think he basically just told Guillermo okay u make plans for u to come now. And Guillermo had, so if it was a ruse I’m pretty sure he would have pointed that out before they were to set off.

*Dry as a nuns doodaa (lololol). Nadjas scrotum joke was pretty good too. Barren must’ve feasted good today.

*So they all blurt out there plans: Guillermo says hey we fam, Nadja says she has a promotion lets go, Laszlo says fuck off with england, Nandor’s gonna get it on traveling the world. The guide also seems shocked Nadja has been given that offer so again doesnt jibe with a conspiracy.

*I know ppl wanna murder Laszlo rn (Nadja will too dont worry) but his speech about why he hates those classist dicks is very sweet. Also kinda funny cuz up to lately he was that way about basically everyone but Nadja. He looks down on Nandor for being simple but brute force, Guillermo for being a lowly familiar, Sean for being an annoying neighbor. Buuuut he grew. Sweet dumb baby he is.

*I’m kinda jealous Nandor has better hair than me. Also I very much want all his lil cape coats from this season including this one. I cant get over it kinda mimics an orange white fur coat I made a few years ago. Now I want a red one like from the first ep.

*Nandor assumes Guillermo ran to Nandor’s room cuz its a bigger and better room. I personally think that was his snap. Poor lil Memo spent all season just literally proving himself time and again to all of them but especially Nandor (how the fuck did I forget about the sire in my early recap?!? Ugh) and they’ve all at best patted him on the head (for the most part just open hostility instead but ya know). They always thought of familiars as basically slaves, less than others. Less than other humans! Less than werewolves!!! But Nandor kinda treated him like a sweet lil hell hound. This season I really think Guillermo was like ‘okay they wont make me a vampire but say Im part of the group so I’ll prove it’ and he fucking did!!! And they were all like ‘meh’. I mean in the fucking sire ep he literally says he can save them cuz if the sire dies they all die, and they literally scream at him to fuck off for being so uppity. So hes like ‘okay bye’ and they all shut up real quick.

Take away the fact he realized in the Cloak of Duplication ep he actually likes likes Nandor and that poor lil bastard has had a rough go of it. So now their all like ‘bye’ after literally yelling at him yet again and he is fucking OFF. U know when he references the day when his master doesnt care about him anymore well *fridge with stakes and garlic juice*. THAT DAY FUCKING CAME.

*”You’re only alive because I let you live...” I got a chicken or egg thing here. Guillermo is very fucking skilled at killing vampires (he killed you....gene after all) like literally throwing stakes accidentally and hitting their pics and stuff. BUT Nadja basically throat jabbed him earlier this ep, and Laszlo flips him in the coffin and defeats him with super speed at the end. Maybe he went easy on them. But in the fight with Nandor he only gets ahead because he ‘tricks’ him about the sword and Nandor looks away. Now Nandor is an idiot of course BUT I kinda think he let him win. Someone pointed out he threw that guard guy at the gym like he was a tissue...and Guillermo didnt cave the wall in when he was pushed. If he didnt let him win, I dont think he went full on at him...he could have thrown him so he landed outside the house if he wanted.

Buuut you could say the same of Guillermo. Did he go easy on him? He had the cross just hanging there. He didnt start with it.

*Does anyone really believe Nandor actually had a plan? I dont. I was convinced he’d leave him behind. But he said in Cloak he loved feats of strength with his men and that seemed to be an appeal of the cult. The only time he ever gave real kudos to Guillermo before was when he massacred the vampires at the theatre. In the wellness center he could have easily pulled away. GUILLERMO LETS GO IN THE HULA HOOP ROOM AND HE JUST WAITS. Cmon that fight got him hot and made him respect Guillermo, thats why he offered that. And I think he meant it. He really for the rest of the ep treats Guillermo like an actual equal, as he plans to make him be in Iran.

*That lil giggle when he thinks hes condescending to Guillermo about the hypnosis is like the gayest thing hes done to date. And he jerked Laszlo off last season. The minute Guillermo puts him in that headlock...thats when he started planning Im telling u. But if he hit John I dunno may have really went for it then had the cross not come up.

*This bitch didnt remember his name for 11 years, thought it was Greenburg when hypnotizing him. Didnt know Gail’s last name. Yeah hes thought some shit thru before this night.

*He packed those dolls and called him Nandor omfg. AND NANDOR THINKS HE LEFT HIM I MAY DIE. I srsly picture next season opening with him going back and opening the bag and finding that and realizing okay this wasnt done on purpose.

*Nadja’s peace out is fucking funny. I think she literally is the least sentimental. But if Laszlo even said goodbye to Nandor we werent shown. But he DID know that Guillermo and Nandor were going. This is a dif day...I can picture him ignoring them all excitedly prattling on but he knew. And u wont convince me it wasnt revenge for how Colin Robinson was treated. But I think he fucked over Guillermo strictly to protect his Nadja. Which boy does that say something about how he feels about him. Like yeah he just destroyed Guillermo’s hopes and dreams, but he did it in such a fucking englishman way...just like he you are good at what u do even tho i act like I dont care but i totally do.

Also whether he cares about Guillermo enough to not raw chicken him or just so he gets there with his baby Nadja who knows but I agree with others I very much would like to see Laszlo’s lil shopping trip. “I say shopkeep what is needed to keep a human alive?” I MEAN FUCKING PEDIALYTE. That didnt even exist until the 1990s!

*Like most ppl I’ve been alone thru the pandemic. But boy am I dead inside watching sweet lil Nandor think he was left behind by the person he loves the most. I think this will set off the realization that he actually wants him around as more than even a friend. If Guillermo didnt realize it til Cloak of Duplication then Nandor will be realizing that start of next season.

*Either Laszlo is genuinely an amazing friend to Colin or there is more to it. If Colin was a full grown human by age 4 per that pic, remembering his dad as flamboyant rupaul type makes me think theres a reason he ended up with these idiots. He says a friend recommended them to him as he had the house. How at age 3-4 did he get a damn house? I have so many questions.

Whelp thats all Ive hit on for now. Always Sunny and a few other shows that used to be in the spring (Archer too) that then went to the fall either right before the pandemic or after seem to be heading back to spring. The fact production has started makes me think we’ll get Season 4 in the Spring of 2022. They were filming this season last spring so thats why Im hopeful.

[amedetoiles]

handsome siblings live-blogging continues

why does everyone know they have this mysterious treasure map

my murder villain son is a GOOD BOY 😭😭😭

sRSLY is it necessary to make all the females so weepy????? @ writers room: do better

budget did not go to the costumes, they legit bought a skin-tight snake skin costume off ebay and called it a day

xiaoyu’er raised by wolves is an absolute gremlin, a whole ass menace, and also the nicest baby alive

i am super fond of little fairy even tho she’s batshit crazy

all the females suck besides tie xinlan and little fairy and the lady disciples why r they being written like this

GREMLIN XIAOYU STRIKES AGAIN

why are there so many weird fucking animal villains

these costumes are RIDICULOUS stop

ok ppl maybe medicine man would like his property to stay where he left it gOD

he’s gonna stop fermenting one day and u r all gon be sorry for tryin to steal his shit

OH NO BABY IS JEALOUS 🥺 don’t be upset baby boy

oh no oh fuck they’re so dumb and cute?????

hua wuque with a straight face: my sincerest apologies sir but i have to kill you

wholesome bean pls ditch your crazy aunts and hug your twin bro instead

will i ever be free of my favorite yeeting themselves off a cliff?

cliff: 3 me: 0

listen xiaoyu’er may be a perfect murder muffin but there’s really no need for all the women to go romeo and juliet every time a guy dies!

i’m taking everyone’s swords away YOU’RE ALL ON TIME-OUT GO SIT IN THE CORNER

somebody give baby wuque a hug HE’S TRYING HIS BEST

STOP YEETING YOURSELVES OFF CLIFFS U CRAZY PEOPLE????????????

xiaoyu’er minding his own business but every lady of the jianghu still manages to find him

oh yea sure let’s go inside the secret buddha statue what could possibly go wrong

what the fuck

ok i hate this let’s go back to the twin brothers plot

this jiang yulang kid needs A LOT of therapy

how did we go from twin brothers to ancient underground fortress with dead bodies???

WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS SIDEPLOT

monkey man fed u for eighteen years u DICKWAD

wow everyone is terrible

[mevekagvain]

Chapter 280 - Lunark watching as Urokai and Zarga have their moment with Raizel is so funny like yeah you interfered to try and save 8th but fuck those two sjjsjsksk. Just let them die without even trying to help <3 On one hand I get it because wtf are you going to do against mr noblesse, otoh... it's hilarious.

- Oh lol I never noticed Frankenstein literally bleeding through his shirt while he fixes everyone else up after the fight. Rip. Also Rael why are you sitting there you’re not hurt 🤨

- "That Kalvin guy" he was a child Tao! But good for him on not giving the right antidote. Ofc I would never want the kids to die but at least the kid who did die did so thinking it wasn't in vain.

- Seira looking at Rael like "this fuvker actually helped? Error 404".

- Tbf Raizel's lifeforce dwindling to a mere fraction could mean he has like, 20k years left instead of 2 million. I know they mean more like a few months or a few years but maybe not. Maybe all nobles get decrepit and tired when they have only 20k years left. I see no evidence saying otherwise. Would explain why he doesn't die either. Because he still actually has plenty left to use even if comparatively it isn't a lot and only a fraction, he's just unfortunately now in his old age. Stop making grandpa Rai fight guys.

- They should have just given Raizel modifications to extend his life lmao. Frankenstein's right there. Idc if you don't want any Raizel, you're gonna do it for your pet human who's loyally wasted 820 years of his life waiting for you.

- Meanwhile Takeo "he slept for 820 years???" My guy is late on the new.

- Reminder that yes the Union does non-evil things too lol. Like sponsor a company to explore the seas.

- Oh Frankenstein is dripping blood on the floor... how did I never notice this in my previous rereads.

Chapter 281 - I ask again! Is Crombel microchipping his assassination squad members or is it an imitation of a noble bond?

- The Elders upon learning about Crombel's team "idk idc about just leave them be. how could this possibly backfire on us idk idk". Like how are they still alive 😭😭😭 I do hc that it wouldn't be an issue for the noble Elders who'd sense the weak imitation noble bond Crombel had with them but the rest of them???

- Is shrimp fried rice easily digestible? Seems like it wouldn't be but whatever.

- The trio can't read Raizel's minute expressions but the kids, Frankenstein, Seira, and Regis can. My bet is that Urokai can't either but the other traitor nobles probably could. Also very cute that he blushes and leaves when the kids comfort him.

- No but why tf did you want Raizel, an adult, to go to school with teenagers Frankenstein. Surely you could figure something else out.

Chaoter 282 - The image of Lunark sloppily applying lipstick before a meeting to cope is making me laugh snjsjsksk. I do still think as a ww she has no clue of human clothes or makeup or etc aside from the basics and thus in actual diplomacy cases she was dressed up by servants or Urokai who feels obligated to make sure every Elder dresses up properly. Urokai as a competent Elder when he's not chasing after Frankenstein propaganda,,,

- Crombel being the only Elder to not know wtf a noblesse is jahsjsjsk. Sorry bro you haven't been Elder long enough and gone to enough Union Elder pool parties for the gossip sessions they have to know shit. Especially since they're dropping off like flies now. I'm sure 3rd is disappointed to have to cancel the upcoming pool party 😔

- No but srsly why do all the Elders have void rooms to have meetings in. Just Skype each other.

- The nobles as a species "hmm have you all considered that world domination is bad?" which is why the Union is wary and apparently Zarga went "aww but i love looks at writing on hand being objectively bad". Like his reason makes no sense ajjsjskks. "Ah yes i hate the Lukedonian ideal of doing whatever tf u want as long as it doesn't hurt others".

- Karias' lightning and thunder tantrum with Amore,,, good for him

Chapter 283 - Roctis, pls stop sitting in your void room. It's bad for your health.

- Ignes!!! The one real female traitor!!! Edian is an honorary traitor who is always counted in said group only.

- Roctis stuttering when he says nothing's wrong to her... lmao okay dad I totes believe you.

- The funniest part is he remains sitting in his spinny office chair in his void room the entire time.

- tteotbokki! Did they really put mayonnaise and ketchup over it though??? Meanwhile Raizel struggles with his banana...

- Poor M-21... your life must suck when you get excited to receive a special nail file as a gift. But also good on Tao for helping him out by making one for him.

Chapter 284 - Oh lol so I wasn't going crazy. Crombel also doesn't know who tf the Elders were going to contact. My guess is Lagus, Gradeus, and Edian lol. It's going to be real embarrassing if I'm wrong because this is my nth time rereading.

- Just struck me that it was the dragon clan leaders in the Union. Fascinating. Dragons stick together I suppose, until they don't.

- Raskreia asking Gejutel to recommend a clan leader while Karias volunteers,,, my sis and I have the exact same energy.

- Rozaria and Kei screaming at Karias while the other three just sigh ajjskzkaks. Also Karias is right. She's older thus she's his nunim 👏

Chapter 285 - The soul weapons stuff still makes no sense to me like why does Rayga's full soul not being in Kartas mean Rajak can't utilise it fully. Like maybe you're just weak bro. Have we considered that? Maybe Rajak is just naturally weaker than the other clan leaders and his constant training only puts him on equal playing grounds with them. But I do agree that you baby clan leaders shouldn't be able to beat the old ass traitors, yes.

- No let Rael complain about daddy dearest. He's right. Rayga shouldn't have split the soul weapon.

Chapter 286 - Mvp lord knew Raizel's taste in jewellery but Frankenstein fucks up again despite being told already about his preference... Maybe Raizel just doesn't want jewellery from you king.

- I wonder who's in charge of putting the skin tight shorts on the test subjects put into tubes. Like did Ignes put them on Muzaka? 9th Elder? Did they force Roctis to do it? I have so many questions.

- M-21 and Takeo loving the gifts Tao gave them,,, my heart. And then when Tao comes to ask about them and guilt trips them by mentioning that he used up most of his pay to make them,,, beloved nail file and modified toy gun, perhaps you will become tsukumogami one day even though that's a japanese shinto belief not korean. Maybe dokkaebi? But I can't see them being abandoned so.

[anothertastelesstetrahedron]

Descole headcanons maybe 👀

Did someone say Descole? 👀 I’m just gonna put the whole thing under the read more cut, since this ended up being a very long post - and I mean looooooong - like almost 3000 words long. Major spoilers for most of the games - mainly the Descole Trilogy (looking at you AL), but there’s also one UF one.

Des has terrible handwriting. I just think it would be funny if that's the one thing he cannot change about himself while impersonating someone else. He can manage faking signatures, but free writing as someone else? He has to try very, very hard to get that (nearly) right. Tbh for most of his roles that’s also hardly a problem, so he doesn’t bother.

He dehydrated/had a heat stroke at least once while in full costume. There must be a reason why Raymond tries so hard to make sure the AL gang takes water bottles, sunscreen and so on with them. Des has no self-preservation instinct (unless having Raymond around counts as Des taking care of himself?) He also probably almost died in Monte d’Or due to the heat.

Des beat up those guys who hurt Layton in UF. Listen, no one is allowed to hurt his bro except for him.

The first thing Des did after AL was visit Umid - after getting the much needed medical treatment. Because I absolutely love their interactions he promised to do so. It would be funny for him to show up in full costume as well.

Des eventually got used to Kietz (because the cat is now living with Raymond and Des. You cannot change my mind about that) At first he hated Kietz. Des is basically the old cat in the Bostonius that now has to get used to the new one lol

I know it was just the writers having no idea about Des’ backstory in LS but I still can’t stop thinking about how Hershel felt that Descole (in full costume) was familiar. So what if young Hershel Bronev actually liked to dress up in a costume similar to the Descole one? And that had left an impression on young Theo...

I also still cannot get over the fact that Des knows how to make Layton the perfect tea. Well, he had Raymond make it, but still. How does he know what kind Layton likes? Theory one: Layton’s taste hasn't changed from when they were kids. Theory two: He stalked observed Layton’s tea-drinking activities. Maybe he even posed as a waiter sometimes to find Layton’s favourite tea.

Des had kept track of how Layton was doing for a long time. He also was very close to introducing himself a couple of times. Obviously he never did. One reason why he decided against it was certainly to keep Layton away from everything. Des had given him the chance to live a peaceful life, so he obviously didn’t want to risk that. But that’s not all to it. Though Des hated himself for even feeling that, he was a bit jealous. It’s not that he regretted his decision from back then, but he still couldn’t help feeling that way. Plus, Hersh was a reminder of his past life. So while Des had his family that was another reason why he didn't approach - though in the beginning, he had actually thought even more about talking to Layton. However, Des had really tried to let go of his revenge and thus also his past - so Layton couldn't be a part of Sycamore's life. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he also couldn't help but think about their father whenever he looked at Hersh. He knows that’s not fair, but it’s what it is. The same way he thinks about Bronev whenever he sees his own eyes in the mirror. After his family’s death and after he became Descole he stopped approaching Hersh altogether and kept his distance. Not only because, again, he wanted to keep Layton out of all of this - even more so than before, because Des had already lost his family again, so losing Hersh was not an option (I write even though Des tried to kill Hersh himself hjasdjd)-, but also because he was afraid of how disappointed Layton would be were he to find out about all the things Descole had done. Des feared that he’d hate him.

Relating to one point in the previous point, Des absolutely hates mirrors. His reflection is bearable while being dressed as Descole, but he still avoids them like the plague. Even more so as AL Desmond. He also absolutely hates it when someone compliments his eyes - the thing he hates the most about his appearance.

Relating to that, I know Des’ glasses are just for show, but what if they are optical glasses nevertheless? Like, he cannot stand seeing clearly (especially since he ran into Bronev a couple of times and he absolutely doesn’t want to see that guy’s face). Maybe it’s also to help him distance himself even further from the others - especially Layton(?).

Des only possesses one photo of his family. It had been in his wallet when they died. I am just gonna assume Targent blew up his house, leaving Des with almost nothing. As much as he wishes to have the photo with him at all times, it's far too dangerous to do so while being Descole. Maybe Raymond keeps it safe? Or Des just keeps it in Desmond’s office? Maybe that was one of the things he actually liked while being Desmond again, at least he actually could carry the photo around this time.

Des lies a lot (obviously) - also to himself. (This is also me just trying to make his writing make more sense, since it often seemed to me he was written by 4+ people who didn't tell each other what they’ve written). I am thinking of that one bonus scene in MM where Des acts all empathetic towards Randall. “Just the thought of those poor parents, desperately looking for their own child.” That line does sound a lot like something Des himself knows too well… And then, one moment later, after Randall has left, Des just admits to himself that he’s just using Randall. (srsly writers??) I’m not saying that’s not right, because he’s certainly using him - no point in sugar-coating that - but he’s also very much trying to distance himself from Randall and his issues and reminding himself to focus on his goals and to not get distracted. Because Des does care. And I also think that he could have achieved his goal without Randall, but when he had learnt that Layton lost his best friend, Des tried everything in his power to get him back.

What is Des’ “true self”?

That is the one question I’m thinking about the most. It’s probably gonna get a bit complicated now… Let’s see if I can make my own words make sense (I really tried haha). For clarity's sake I’m gonna use three different names now: First, we have Des - the name I’m gonna use for the “true(est)” version of him - whoever that really is. Then we have Desmond - the AL Desmond Des “played” during AL. And, finally, there is Descole which is of course the Descole “role”.

Des has some serious identity issues - because of course he does. Descole started as a role (Des is even literally wearing a non-practical costume) that served a specific purpose. Des initially “created” Descole to have an outlet for all his rage and despair - and to get back at Targent without revealing himself. And I imagine some characteristics of Descole are things Des added, because he wanted Descole to appear a certain way different from how Des presented himself outside the costume. No one was to find who was behind the mask after all, so Descole had to act differently. Descole’s arrogance comes to mind, like that one just strikes me as not (fully) being Des himself. Des pretty much hates himself and blames himself for a lot of things. But Descole is also much more than a simple role. He’s very much a part of Des himself - it’s Des' own anger and his own feelings Descole is based on after all. Over the years, the lines between Des and Descole got more blurry. And now Des pretty much cannot tell the difference anymore between the things that make him him and the things he had just put into the Descole persona. So while Descole was initially based on parts of Des himself, over time Des truly lost himself in Descole who had become its own thing as well. Think method acting gone completely wrong - or right?

In a similar yet also opposite way, (AL) Desmond is also a role Des played during the game. Des said that he had just assumed Desmond’s identity again to get close to Layton and use him (which I don’t believe is 100% true, because I am convinced that a part of Des wanted to be saved. And also longed to see his brother again - and wanted Layton to like him), but it does make me think that Des mostly runs around as Descole. Obviously Des had kept the Desmond persona alive enough for Desmond to be regarded as a world-famous archeologist. But then again, it clearly doesn’t matter in the PL-universe if people don’t do their jobs.

I still do not know how much of Desmond is the “true” Desmond. Even if Des based Desmond on how he used to be with his family, there’s still the question how close Des actually comes to that. Memories can be deceiving and I doubt Des remembers exactly how he used to be. So maybe Desmond’s speaking style, his mannerism could be an act instead of that being Des’ true (past) self. Or which I like better, it’s a confusing mix between “lie” and “truth”. Some things are exaggerated (people tend to romanticize the past, so even with his family Des(mond) might not have been as nice as he presents himself to be as AL Desmond). Some aspects are more or less really Des(mond) and some other things are just stuff Des added to the Desmond role - consciously or not.

Let’s take this thought even further. When Des tried to leave his revenge behind and concentrate on his family, was that Des(mond) really his true(est) self? Or did Des play a role during that time as well (at least partly)? Des cannot let go. That has been shown throughout the games. So while he had tried to put Targent behind him, he might not have been able to do that completely. Thus he buried some things deep inside him and concentrated on “playing” Desmond Sycamore. Who might be the person he wished to be(?).

Long story short, I think that maybe AL Desmond is an idealised version of the Desmond Des used to be. Des acted like how he used to be while his family was still alive - or as much as possible, since he absolutely cannot let go of the pain completely. So his AL Desmond appearance could also be how he had looked like back then. I honestly do not even know if AL Desmond is the “true face” under the mask. Or if Desmond is also kind of like a “costume”. His appearance could be inaccurate as to how present Des really looks like. Descole’s character model also makes no sense. Like the hair that is sometimes visible doesn’t really look like Desmond’s most of the time after all. So is Descole wearing another wig? Is Desmond? I kind of like the idea that Des met Layton with his true appearance, so I’m on the fence here. Maybe he’s not wearing a wig, but extensions?I very much like the idea of Des appearing with his true face though… So I am kind of reluctant to have Desmond look too different from Des. Plus, Layton could have noticed if Desmond was in fact wearing a wig and that might have made Layton suspicious. But maybe Des dyed his hair a bit, and/or is wearing extensions? Maybe he actually already has grey hair, who knows. I certainly don’t.

However, I also believe that Desmond is far less of a role than Des probably thinks/admits. Over the course of the game, he might have lost himself in the Desmond role in a similar way to how he has lost himself in Descole.

Des' time as AL Desmond changed him for sure. And he does act differently as Descole after he changed into the costume than in the previous games. (I’m gonna make a whole separate post about how the German version uses different forms of politeness - and Des does speak rather … strange/different after his revelation than in other games… Again, I know that that’s just the writers being the writers, but where is the fun in that?)

Present day Des has probably no idea who his true self is anymore… Him “playing” Desmond further complicated things. Which parts did he make up, which parts are truly him? I don’t think there’s an easy answer to that… But that also makes Des so fascinating to me. I also really wonder what name he prefers after AL…

As much as I like the idea that Des himself came up with the plan to approach Layton as Desmond, I also very much like the idea that it had been Raymond instead who had suggested it. Raymond probably has to listen to a lot of Des’ angry rants. And after hearing another one about Layton seeing through one of Des’ disguises, Raymond came up with the idea to just go as himself next time. Partly also because Raymond knows Des better than anyone else and he knows how much Des longs to see his brother again - even if Des himself doesn’t admit that.

Des has acquired quite a lot of scars over the years… He does fall down a lot, so it’s bound to happen. He was probably wearing a fair bit of makeup in AL to hide some of them - in addition to his visible lack of sleep. Speaking of, I don’t think Des slept all that much during AL. He probably has nightmares that wake him up screaming. No way he could (or would want to) explain that to the others. Maybe that’s what he has been doing while he was not with the gang. He was taking a much needed nap… Or ...

��� or he goes into the one room in the Bostonius that’s completely sound-proof (because that surely exists) and just screams (and cries) for a bit. In full Descole costume. He cannot bear being Desmond and being around the others at all times. He needs to have an outlet for his emotions.

Des really tried to retain his (emotional) distance from everyone in AL. I noticed that in the beginning he hardly ever said anything while I was clicking everything (and I hope believe that I’ve really clicked everything for potential Des dialogue). But he says more over time. It also takes a long time for him to talk about his family. So maybe that’s him slowly warming up to the others. Des was also probably still figuring out how to be Desmond (again). In a way, I think Desmond was one of his easiest yet also his most challenging role he ever had to “play”. No one is more familiar to him and yet also a total stranger. Plus, he had to be extra careful not to reveal too much. Can’t have been easy (which is why he needed to go scream for a bit sometimes).

He feels immensely guilty about caring for Aurora. He was especially reluctant to get closer to her, but he also just couldn't help caring for her. Because she reminded him of his daughter. He just feels very conflicted as he got more and more attached to her, not only because he knew he would eventually betray her, but he felt like in caring for Aurora he was betraying his daughter in a way… This guilt could apply to Flora as well when he eventually meets her.

One day after AL he found the Popoño he had bought for Aurora. He keeps it close ever since.

His revenge is achieved after AL, so there should be no reason for Descole to continue existing. But I don’t think Des will be able to let go of Descole right away. The AL ending shows that anyway. I feel him putting the mask back on in his last scene makes sense for him. He still cannot bring himself to leave Descole behind and he also very much still cannot bear to see his father’s eyes whenever he looks in a mirror. It would have been too sudden for him to just put all the pain behind him. Des’ revenge was basically also the one thing that defined his whole life. And Descole has been a part of his life for a long time as well - the pain and anger that led to Des creating Descole have been inside Des long before his family got killed. I can’t imagine it easy to just let go of all of that. Des is truly lost at the end of AL. He has lost his purpose, the one thing that made him go on. And he needs to figure out who he is himself. Even more so after his whole posing as Desmond again. I like to think that Des will be able to let go of Descole eventually, but that will be a slow process and not something that’s gonna happen overnight. Instead he’ll probably put on the costume fewer and fewer times until, eventually, Descole just disappears. Maybe he’ll stop when he runs out of costumes lol. No matter what, it’s gonna be a long road for Des to be able to heal… (And he should totally go get back to Layton and apologise to Layton and to a loooooot of other people and then they both go to therapy)

[oojei]

Black Lightning is the BEST WRITTEN Arrowverse show

They don't follow the whole monster/villain of the week thing and they come in chapters

Story is fleshed out, everyone has their own journey, their own stuff to deal with

And yeah that's sometimes (very) stressful, but that's what makes it a good story

The politics and social issues are honestly hurtful to watch because you can see it in real life

Esp the quarantine parts and the occupation? I almost quit because of that

Music is also good like srsly awesome song choices esp during fight scenes and stuff

Oh god the fight scenes too

That thundergrace apartment fight was def foreplay i need more

I love their costumes tbh, i keep imagining Cisco's delight when he meets Gambi

Not just the superhero costumes, okay? Even the civilian ones, esp the villains

Those rich fashion, very nice choices

Also obviously Anissa and Jen's wardrobe too

But the title cards are the best part just look at them

Let me talk about the characters now

Jeff Pierce is such a DAD and i remember that dad talk he had with Barry

I wish i seen more of him as a teacher/principal?

Black Lightning's a bit meh, for me. I think it is the generation gap and the fact that I like Lightning better

The visual effects they use on him, esp that one where he had lightning hoops? Very amazing

Next is Thunder, because I could write a whole essay on Dr. Lynn Stewart so I'll talk about her later

Right, anissa. Tbh i don't feel her that much? Maybe because she's been strong almost all season

She was like this pillar that was confident in herself, in her powers, in what she wanna do and who she wanna be with

Which is VERY AWESOME esp for a woman of color

But idk i just want my characters breaking down and stuff

Like Jen, like Lightning

Tbh I hate her superhero name because it's so similar to her dad

But anyway, i like Jen's journey the most

And. She. Is. The. Most. Powerful.

Period.

I want her to transform to pure energy again just so she can meet gideon and idk ask for make up tips

Her safe space thing actually reminded me of gideon's matrix so

Anyway, her and Khalil are just ugh

Let them be happy together !!!

Also, she and Brandon are just bros oki?

I do like the combination of their powers tho

Which makes me wanna have Jen meet a water-based meta

Maybe Kuasa?

Anyway, Gambi time

Fave old man, i would believe him to be batman

Kinda waiting for a batwoman crossover tbh

But yeah, Gambi is such a badass old man, and I want his sanctum

Special shoutout to TC, let him meet Cisco and Brainy

Oh god TC and Brainy

Obviously TC and Gideon too

Right, do I get everybody on team Black Lightning?

GRACE! I love you I did not forget about you you are amazing with all your scars and trauma and spots and comic book fascination

Please give her a suit

And wake her up from the coma

Remove the order from Gravedigger too, oki? Even though that ASA fightscene was real nice

That's everybody right?

I shall be talking about Villains now

Khalil is first because he uses the line bet villain and hero as a jumping rope

At first i thought he's like Sara Lance but then I realized a lot of people in this show does not stay dead for long

He is such a thirst trap during s3 and i am not complaining

But also my arms wanna try that whole one arm pull ups to the side thing?

Maybe after i actually manage to do a pull up

Petition for him to Salmon Ladder pls

Also that sequence where he's listing the martial arts he knows? VERY COOL

There's one I did not know, that Silat thing?

Anyway, props to Jordan Calloway, he's good as a villain and a nice guy and even the damaged sad boi

At the end of s3 i imagine the Waverider picking him up when he rounded that corner lol

Let him be happy oki?

Next villain, Tobias Whale

That man had such a good evil laugh okay? Very very good. I hate him

And he's such a fancy rich cockroach

Still haven't forgiven him for killing Todd

TC and Todd would've been friends

Or even more (let us not discount that possibility)

Anyway, Lala and Lady Eve, idk they just complicate stuff

But Odell, I WANNA KILL HIM

God he's sooooo ugh

I have so much hate for him and he's still alive so he could very much well be back and ugh

Moving on, Gravedigger is such a well-written villain

He believes he's right, has that special tick that he buries all of victims and his power was awesome too

I want that tbh

Can I talk about Lynn now? Great

I love her, I want her to be my mom but also she is very hot

Christine Adams is a very very VERY GOOD actress, tbh

Her shotgun scenes, caring doctor and then the addiction storyline just *chef's kiss*

Honestly she is awesome and I love her

Imagine the power if she, Lena Luthor and Caitlin Snow worked on some bioengineer medicine

Just ugh, the pretty on the screen

Oh wait, Dr. Jace (RIP) I hated her at first and then when she got to markovia and did that whole how to make friends thing? She's hilarious

Still evil, but I like her

Super smart but dumb about people, that part when she's actually listing down the recipe for Lynn's peant butter cookie

I think I got everybody right? Right.

Let's move on to things I didn't like

Obviously the fact that Anissa and Grace didn't get a wedding like dude that is so unfair

And now Grace is in a coma

In season 3, where is perenna?

Also why did Henderson have to die

Somebody revive him pls

I think I got everything already and I am SLEEPY AF sooo

GO WATCH BLACK LIGHTNING!

[renaer-is-allegedly-hot]

session 13

wow i’m really out of it tonight lmao uh some highlights bc these r rlly atrocious:

adam shit himself and vomited over the dwarf in our basement

fought some ppl n killed; gotta hide six bodies

pregame !

Jacob n dom r talking abt other dnd campaigns

Jacob rigged explosives somewhere

They need souls to open coffins or smth

I REALIZED MY MIC IS MUTED SO THEY CAN’T HEAR ME SING THE GOLDEN GIRLS THEME SONG THE WAY MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER DOES HAHAHAHHAHA

Thank you for being a friend

Bum bum bum bum

Travel round the world and back again

If the truth be told you’re a friend and a confidant

Etc

Jacob explaining his eye scratch

I’m just sitting here singing the golden girls theme song

Tunnel vision in smash

I’m just renegading while they talk smash

Jacob wants to home alone our house the next night we have

Immovable rod is abt 3ft long

Last time on dnd asyna heard a window break

Roll initiative

Aerana and theo roll 22

Asyna rolls 21

Adam 13

Cel 6

Asyna was waking everyone up

Halfling size ballista ? In our turret ? Maybe

Ooh trebuchet is an interesting sans font

Aerana is going first

Double dash downstairs

You hear stuff on the first floor making noise; you and theo get to the second floor about to go downstairs

Theo in master bedroom double dashes towards where I am

Asyna

In watchtower, asyna's gonna try and do stuff from above ? Maybe .

Proposes turning into a hummingbird

Spike growth ? Grows spikes

Also creates rough terrain

In front of the door

Oop they're speaking goblin

Goblins

2d4 damage for each 5 ft they move

Some of them were able to get inside the house but still slowed down

Adam

Will cast cantrip

Thaumaturgy to boom voice 3x louder than normal "WHO DARES ENTER MY HOUSE PLEASE LEAVE WITHIN THE NEXT TEN SECONDS AND YOU WILL BE SPARED ,,, PLEASE"

Intimidation check

Lmao a 7

Entire house booms; everyone heard it but like effect?

Adam sleeps naked

Cel

Right in front of door to hall on second floor

Aerana

2 squares away from action at back of house

Theo

Also goes for pantry, same place generally as aerana

Asyna

Starts downstairs

Gonna turn into ape and try and make way down side of building as ape

Down p much by next turn

Goblins

Apparently being eaten up by spikes

Should I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich I'm kinda craving

O shoot I gotta run soon for medicine

Adam

Dashing

This is just slow running in a dream

Cel

Base of stairs ?

Also heading towards pantry

Aerana

Bust in

Momentarily frozen

To the right next to basement hatch r two hulking figures covered in thick dark fur; kinda pointy ears, look kind of like goblins and v tall like easily 7ft

Big mauls

Bugbears

Can I fight?

23 to hit, 7 damage to closest one

The goblins trying to move the thing but not working well

Theo

I'M GONNA RUN TO GRAB MY MEDS

Slashes at the one aerana didn't hit lmao I rlly just did that I'm breathing

15 barely misses

Goblin blocks lillian's strike

Asyna

Srsly should I make a sandwich

On first floor outside

Bro my headache went to the other side of my head wtf

Gonna go through a window

Follows them in and attacks a bunch of them

Bro I kinda rlly want a sandwich

17 and 18 to hit, 6 and 4 damage ?? 10 damage ?? 10 damage for both ??

KILLS BOTH OF THEM N I C E

Bashes their heads together

I'm making a sandwich

"it's a very forceful kiss"

Third one readies self

Lashes out at asyna, misses

Goblins

R also gonna try and attack aerana and theo

12 damage to theo

I'm eating my sandwich

One of the middle ones is gonna go for asyna, hits, 5 damage

That was a good sandwich might get another one

Adam

Bro I kinda want another sandwich

Gets downstairs w max speed and peeks in, sees aerana and theo and two dead guys by window and two more living fighting an ape

Looks at theo

Bro again I kinda want another sandwich

Makes the one that hit theo make a wisdom saving throw

Did not make it, hideous laughter

Mans can't stop laughing, has to make wisdom saving throw each turn ig

Adam has to tell a joke

Comes down and looks at bugbear, locks eyes

Our party walks into a bar . But most of us walk under it

What

Is this a short joke ?

I don't get it yikes

Panicked dom laughing

Tells us to not hit the guy laughing; save him for last

Bonus action uses cutting words on the one aerana is fighting; "fuck you"

Cel

I still kinda want another sandwich

To clarify my sandwich was like half

I think yesterday or smth I like hit my foot lol and I did the thing where I compose myself rlly quickly to ignore the pain and up my pain tolerance and it left a mark but like it literally doesn't hurt so not saying I'm upping my pain tolerance but one day if I ever got like idk shot or smth I'm not gonna have a reaction

Cel hits the one that's doing better w a spell and then does shortbow 25 to hit, 12 damage

"how do you want to do this?"

Takes an arrow right through his brainstem and the arrowhead goes out his mouth

Aerana

Wasted insightful fighting, didn't hit

Scream of frustration that I missed

Theo

Takes bow and tries to hit, 13 misses

Asyna

Do I rlly still want another sandwich

Hm

Hits on one roll, 7 damage

Guy is barely alive

Goblins

One that tries to attack aerana misses, guy on ground is now up, guy attacking asyna hits, 11 damage

Adam

Cutting words on guy that just got up "oh you're finally awake"

"ever heard of the one where the guy got back up"

Goblin rolls nat20

Cel

22 to hit, 9 damage

Stabs him, hurts

Aerana

13

"next time remember it"

If an ally is within 5 ft of you you get sneak attack

If u have advantage

Don't need advantage if another enemy of the target is within 5 ft of it

Start over

When rogues have advantage, get to add sneak attack

Can add sneak attack when u don't have advantage if

One of allies is within 5 ft of you

And if u don't have disadvantage

Theo

Gonna try for the bow again

Going for the one asyna's fighting

8 damage

Guy is on last legs

Asyna

Kills

Fun fact apes have been known to rip off the faces of their enemies

Rips face off then gently puts him down

Still two goblins left

Goblins

Try and run

Attacks of opportunity from celandine, theo and aerana

Nat20 from cel

Theo and aerana miss

I've missed like every hit what is this

14 damage from cel

They're still able to get away

Asyna makes attack of opportunity

I still kinda want another saaaandwich

Neither hit

Adam

33 across board for both for sleep; both fall over and hit ground, asleep

Adam goes outside and looks if anyone is watching outside their window

Looks like one of our neighbors is at their window out of the apothecary

Uses infernal legacy to cast darkness, blocking their darkvision

Puts it between fallah's house and bodies

Then drag the bodies

Adam is kinda sweaty n exerted

Aerana is watching ot, asyna takes one body cel adam and theo take the other

Theo is rolling damage

Cel binds their feet first and adam prepares sleep

Theo rolls 13 damage and one dies, other 15 and also dies

Why is my eye glitching lmao

Maybe I still want a sandwich

What time do I need to be up tomorrow wait

Idk lmao

We've brought our bodies in, the night is ours

It's 10ish at night

Adam's gonna sleep in jeans

Adam was not naked in combat ?

Or maybe he was

Adam doesn't wear pajamas so he had pants

Sleeping downstairs shifts for the night

Adam takes first shift

Adam is sweating a lot, feeling a little odd; feels super weak and cold and feels a little sick like he might throw up

Constitution saving throw

"can I feel this coming and give myself bardic inspiration?"

"uh . Sure"

"hold it in hold it in hold it in"

Check to see if he can make it to the bathroom

"boi that's just nasty" adam wakes up someone ? Adam

Adam wakes theo up

"you must be real glad I'm wearing pants right now"

Rolls nat1

Adam vomits onto theo ? Vomits into theo's cloak

Adam becomes violently ill

The key eventually comes out the butt

A 4

Able to makes way down hatch towards bucket by ot

Vomits on ot

"ot is, like, weeping"

Adam is weakened

So adam shit and hurled

Adam stomps it down the drain ?

Next morning

Adam comes down with the key

Adam's exhaustion is cured after long rest

We're not talking to adam today

Adam sets key on table "did you wash that first" theo / adam slowly takes key back

Adam casts sleep on ot to kind of relieve him

Cel goes to jones, one of the goblins informs cel that jones is out ,,, just out

Cel can't find jones

Home alone-ing the house now ?

Aerana

House was in state of disrepair before

Spike spell tore up front of house, lots of windows knocked out from fireball explosion and were damaged during fight

Bad to a little bit worse

Theo 20 for investigation

Random ropes and bricks, nails, wooden planks

Intelligence check w advantage

19, sets up a few different traps; two swinging brick traps when a door is opened + simple nails stuck into plank so would hurt if someone stepped on it

Asyna 9 for investigation

Cel sees jones putting a bunch of keys into the lock

Jones can't find the key to open his door

Jones is maybe gonna get some stooges to remove the bodies

10 dragons

Henrietta is gonna dump em

Astigmatism lmao

Back at the manor

Adam is done cleaning

Ot asked if he could be set free, adam says "this is my fault, I got it buddy"

Adam is going to the apothecary down the street

Walks up to counter, fallah is there

"heyo what's poppin fallah"

Takes out potion of necrotic resistance

Adam says he bought it at sea ward, roll for deception; 12

Why am I sO LETHARGIC ALL THE TIME !!!

Offers adam 50 gold

Pushes for 60, 10 for persuasion check

Just takes it for 50

Fallah gives medicine, smells like oregano

Adam goes in for a hug, hesitates then retracts

Goes to bardic school to talk to master

Yava is there

12 insight check

Yava is usually v composed but today

Yava is an elf so is like bruh wdym u trust me after knowing me for like a month

Asks abt house security

Adam just straight up tells her he's in trouble w the xanathar guild and is asking for glyph of warning spells ?

Persuasion check, gives self bardic inspiration

11, yava agrees to help

She's willing to do it for free

Can cover 8 entrances to the house

"I'd b willing to do this but adam u must b more careful"

Adam tells her he's dealing w a large sum of money - half a million dragons

There was half a million dragons embezzled ?

Yava thought it was just a rumor

Adam is idiot

Adam asks yava if she wants in

Idiot

[iknownothingihearnothing]

Game of Thrones 8.3 “Battle of Winterfell”

HOLY SHITSICKLES, YOU GUYZ!

That episode was AH-MAZING. I know it wasn’t exactly the shower of death we expected--I mean, there was TONS of death, don’t get me wrong, but our ultra-beloveds are still safe...for now--but it was still epic. Totally worth having to squint for over an hour at a laptop screen brought obscenely close to my face.

Honestly, I thought it was just me until I logged onto Twitter after the episode and everyone was like:

I also made the grievous error of signing into social media before the episode aired and I saw that “Arya” was trending. I thought that she had been killed and I was about to riot. 

My brother had actually seen the episode before me--we share an HBO Go account with my uncle because as a lifelong bachelor, he can afford all those channels we cannot--and when I turned it on the battle was at the midway point; I was spoiling myself. I texted my bro “I WILL KILL YOU” and he replied with an emoji of a house. IDK if he plans to defend himself with a house or hide in a house or drop a house on me like I’m the Wicked Witch of the East.

As the episode opens, it’s nighttime (of course it is), and Sam’s hands are shaking because it’s really fucking cold. The Winterfellians are ushering everyone who ain’t fighting into the supposedly SAFE IT’S SO SAFE YOU ALL WILL BE SO MUCH SAFER crypt and performing last minute prep. Theon and Co are wheeling BranBot to the Weirwood tree where he will be used as bait to lure out the Night King. 

Sansa and Tyrion and Co. are up on the ramparts. Sansa, naturally, does not look very excited for this party.

The actors’ also. They had to shoot 55 nights in a row.

We get our first glimpse of Drogon and Rhaegal of the episode, AKA the Good Dragons. Because we need to decipher on this show. 

Everybody’s in position. The canons are ready. The awesome catapults are ready. The Dothraki are ready. The Unsullied are ready. 

All the animals, too, are in place. Including Ghost!

Jon/Aegon approaches Dany and her dragons on a hill overlooking Winterfell so they can get a decent view of the happenings below and get better air on their dragonplanes. 

There is SO much to unpack with Jon and Daenerys. They have lots of, uh, “stuff” to deal with, like that he’s technically her nephew and she’s more concerned that he has a claim (and a bigger one) on the Iron Throne than that he’s her blood relation and they’ve had lots of sexy sex. And also that the brother she grew up hearing raped Lyanna Stark actually loved her and married her in secret, thus producing Jon. 

But, er, now is not the time and they know that so they gots to put aside their feels and kick some ice zombie butt and save humanity. I imagine this is how Sophia Bush felt when she still had to work with Chad Michael Murray on One Tree Hill knowing he cheated on her with a teenaged extra. 

Sort of. Minus the whole “we might die” part.

Melisandre rides up after being in Volantis all this time. Remember how she said she’d come back to Westeros just one more time? Well, that time is here. The Red Woman asks Jorah to tell the Dothraki to lift their swords, which he hesitantly does. Melly grasps the front dude’s Arakh, chants some freaky Lord of the Light mojo, and then all the Arakhs, one by one, become alight in flames like Beric Dondarrion’s.

Even Tormund is awed.

The Red Woman continues on, wishing “Valar morghulis” to Grey Worm, who instantly returns with “Valar dohaeris”. Davos, up in the ramparts, having been warily watching Melly, finally gives the order to open the gate. He...is not a fan of Melisandre. She may have brought back Jon from the Great Beyond but she burned Shireen alive. 

However, now is not the time for disputes among the Team Alive population. If they wanna beat Team Undead, they gotta work together. 

Davos goes to meet her and she assures him that there is no need to execute her or anything cus she’ll be dead before dawn. 

Davos:

Up on the roof, Arya catches Melly’s eye. And she don’t look like she’s throwing out the welcome banns.

Melisandre is on there because she kidnapped Gendry all those seasons ago. You know, to do that sexy, leechy blood magic on him. 

And BOOM. The first wave sets off. Mostly consisting of Dothraki on horseback, with Jorah  leading them into battle. Huge alight boulders are also placed inside catapults and set flying. Ghost is seen running beside the horses, teeth gnashing.

Srsly, they need to save that direwolf. The PTB at GoT have already killed the other wolves, with the exception of Nymeria, who has run free, and David and D.B. have confirmed that Crazy Cersei killed Ser Pounce after Tommen died. There is NOT a good track record with pets on this show. 

All the Dothraki race into the fray to meet the undead, ululating and shouting war cries in the Dothraki language. They’re proud. They’re confident. They are WARRIORS. They know what they’re doing. They’ve been raised on this shit.

And then...

That’s the ENTIRE DOTHRAKI HORDE! Just...gone in a few minutes, holy shit .Did GoT just erase the Dothraki?! Just like that, what the fuck?!

Anyone else feel indignant on behalf of the Dothraki? 

Jaime looks like he’s about to shit his Iron Pants.

The second wave all look at each other like “WE ARE SO FUCKED” until some animals and finally people--including Jorah--return to the line. Ghost better be one of them! 

Up on the hill, Dany’s in a panic because, again, the dead desecrated her entire Dothraki forces. And she is understandably devastated; they weren’t loyal to Jon, they were loyal to her. She was their Khaleesi. Their original plan was for them to remain on the hill and take flight there and wait for the dead to come to Winterfell’s gates but we all know that ain’t gonna happen. Jon, awkwardly, tries to intervene when Dany begins to leave, but Dany perseveres. The dead are already here and the Night King is a-comin’.

 On the line, everyone’s waiting with bated breath. Sam looks about ready to pass out. Tormund’s glorious red mane blows in the wind, which the captions keep telling me “whistles”, so I know it is strong. Grey Worm puts on his helmet. The Unsullied army bend and position their weapons and....

The ensuing scuffle is pretty much insanity and confusion. There are dead body parts mixed with the same people we know and love trying to fight them off and, like, totally forever kill them. Brienne shouts “STAND YOUR GROUND!!” like a badass but is immediately overwhelmed and Jaime, upon glimpsing his CO and fellow knight (and maybe something more?) going down in the mud, jumps in to help her. 

Dany and Jon ride in on the backs of Drogon and Rhaegal and it is never not awesome watching dragons spitting fire at their human overlords’ enemies.

Up on the roof of Winterfell, Arya and Sansa are flabbergasted as they watch with dismay the battle below. The blood, the fire, the (good) dragons. Finally, Arya turns to Sansa and implores her sister to get into the (VERY SAFE EVERYONE WILL BE SAFE THERE SWEARSIES) crypt.

Sansa doesn’t know how to use it, she is not trained in combat. Arya just tells her to stick the wights with the pointy end.

Good advice, Arya!

At the Weirwood tree, Theon and Co. are doing their bestest to keep the BranBot safe while he attempts to lure Ol’ Nighty out of his hidey-hole. And on the battlefield, Jorah falls off his horse decapitating ice zombies, Jaime is going through the dead like toilet paper (or whatever they used back then...what did they use?), and Sam is...well, he’s trying, poor lamb. Ultimately though, he becomes overwhelmed and Mr. Edd has to save his butt.

Sealing his fate.

Stabbed through the back of the head, that is quite dolorous. 

Sansa goes down into the crypt, where all the nearby tenants who have no fight training are gathered already. Wordlessly, a ball of nerves, she meets the eyes of Missandei and Tyrion, the latter of whom, naturally, takes a drink.

I’d drink, too, in that scenario.

In the air, Jon and Dany are on the backs of their respective dragons, which I guess is the ye olde version of aerial warfare, battling the elements as well as the gross horde down below. It’s snowing and raining and they’re stuck in a low hanging cloud or maybe some fog idk I can’t SEE.

Someone shouts to fall back and the gates to Winterfell are opened--by Lyanna Mormont’s command, that pint sized badass--and men start piling in. Grey Worm orders the Unsullied to protect the retreat as best they could and stand their ground, damnit.

Jon finally comes out of the cloud but Dany doesn’t, and he lands with a worried look on his face. More men pour in through the gates while Brienne and Jaime usher them inside. 

Arya, from the top of Winterfell, uses her archery skillz to take out the munchers creepin’ up behind Woof.

It’s a milestone every teenage girl reaches and it brings a tear to your eye, it does.

Grey Worm gives the order to fall back and light the trench and we the audience are like--

I cannot say enough how dark this episode is. I have my screen up to 100 percent brightness and I am still squinting doing this recap.

He’s really referring to Dany here, whom he’s trying to signal with torches, but she and Drogon are still stuck in that wholly inconvenient cloud/fog thing. Truly, the worst weather has converged on this one location in Westeros on the one night that they really need clear skies. All that’s missing is a hurricane. 

But Davos speaks for us all. 

So, Team Alive is all scrambling around trying to light the trenches with torches but they can’t because they’re kinda preoccupied battling the undead. That is where Melly steps in. After reciting some of that weird mojo in High Valyrian, the deep trenches throughout the Winterfell grounds become alight.

And the rest of us blink our eyes repeatedly in thanks.

The wights are separated from Winterfell behind the trenches and the Hound’s kinda freaking out because he doesn’t exactly like fire, having had his face nearly melted off by his brother, the Mountain. So he disappears. 

Down in the crypt, everyone is hearing all the crazy going on upstairs and Varys is like “At least we’re already in a crypt, eh?” and no one’s amused.

Tyrion is anxious. He wants to be doing something, damnit! Like he did at the Battle of Blackwater. Maybe seeing something that no one else has figured yet. But Sansa, Lady of Hindsight, tells him to sit his ass down. It won’t do anyone good if Tyrion joins the Army of the Dead. Tyrion makes a smartass remark about how there is no organization less suited to his abilities and Sansa, Milady Logic, is all “Witty remarks won’t help you, all we can do now is wait. That’s why we is down here, because we can’t do nothin’” and Tyrion pauses before--

Tyrion, Lord of Winterfell? A Lannister?! Why not? Weirder shit has happened on GoT. Weirder shit is happening right now.

Then, Sansa squashes that by laying this on the table: it’d never work between them because of the Dragon Queen. Their divided loyalties would come between them. But before Tyrion can reply, Missandei, who has been eavesdropping on their convo, cuts in like “Yeah, damn that Dragon Queen! Y’all wouldn’t have to worry about that crap without her because...we’d all be dead, so...”

Whatever you think of Dany, there is no way the North would live without her and her armies and dragons. They’d be overrun within minutes. 

At the Weirwood tree, Theon and Co. have formed a barrier before BranBot. Theon remarks that the trenches have been lit, then, haltingly, turns to BranBot and starts to apologize for, yanno, turning on the only family that ever loved him and claiming Winterfell for himself. 

Dime store psychics around the globe should replace their crystal balls with miniature BranBots.

Then he says he’s going to go now, just like that, and he wargs into a raven to find the Night King’s position.

Gee. Why didn’t I ever think of that to get out of conversations? 

“Hey, Bee, how’d you do on your stats exam?”

“...oh, uh, I did, er, ok. I’m gonna go now.” Wargs into chicken. 

Ah, there’s Ol’ (really Ol’, Ancient Ol’) Nighty, riding Viserion, looking all creepy and stuff.

Not quite, Nighty, not quite.

Zombies are an impatient lot. They’re hungry and dead and they’re doomed to shamble around the earth forever. So, if a few have to be sacrificed in order for the rest of Team Undead to cross the trenches, so be it. One by one, the ice zombies literally throw themselves on the line of fire, sandwiching their ewwie bodies until the rest of the horde can safely use them as a bridge to cross. An Undead Bridge, if you will. 

When Davos realizes what they are doing, the look on his face is quite classic horror movie:

You know when you’re watching a scary movie and the protagonist or whoever hears something or sees something but isn’t quite sure what it is, only knowing that it’s bad mmkay? That is that look.

Davos shouts the order to man the walls of Winterfell. Elsewhere on the battlefied, Jon is still in the same spot he landed, anxious about Dany. He glimpses a dragon emerge from the fog and, at first, he thinks it’s Daenerys but it soon becomes evident that it’s the Night King riding on Viserion.

Winterfell, meanwhile, is all cloaked in a cloud of mud and rain. The soldiers and Northerners are clambering to keep the White Walkers from penetrating the walls of the castle. 

They have to keep them from legit climbing the damn walls.

If I’m ever a zombie, I want the Night King to make me. Apparently, rigor mortis is not a thing in wights.

The wights keep climbing until some of them start to get over the wall despite Jaime, Brienne, et. al. slicing off head after head. They just keep coming. The Team Undead horde is massive.

I bet the denizens of Winterfell are wishing for a nice, stationary mall right about now.

Soldiers are going over the railings, Sam’s whimpering butt has to be saved again, and the Hound is utterly frozen. It’s all just anarchy. 

Beric and his Flaming Sword of Justice attempt to get Woofie’s attention again but to no avail. Arya’s doing her thang with her pointed staff, taking out wight after wight with Davos looking on, impressed (knight or not, you have been bested by a teenager, old man).

And then, this:

ZOMBIE GIANTS!

ZOMBIFIED MOTHAFUCKIN’ GIANTS. 

“Fee, fi, fo fum, I smell the blood of EVERYONE.”

It pushes her to the side like she’s a goddamn sack of potatoes and it’s smacking people around with its club like they’re nothing but rag dolls. Arya falls down a set of stairs as wights group in to attack her and smacks her forehead on the side of a wall. Not up to her usual Faceless Man self after that, she stumbles and nearly falls off the roof, which finally energizes the Hound to action. 

On the ground, Lyanna’s had enough of being tossed around by White Walker McGigantor. 

She screams, races toward it, it grabs her in its huge fist, and, blood pouring out of her mouth and nose and it crushes her, she STABS IT THROUGH THE FRIGGING EYEBALL.

It’s a fitting end for an awesome character. Lyanna made such an impression on everyone and her cumulative screentime was just over fifteen minutes on the show.

In the air, Jon and Dany are finally reunited again when out of nowhere sails the Night King and his trusty Undragon.

Looks like someone has been chewing too much Winterfresh!

Viserion lets loose a stream of Winterfresh friendly fire and Daenerys ducks and whimpers as her undead baby tries to kill her. When the Night King sails off, Jon and Dany look at each other before mutually agreeing in some unspoken communication to dive.

Aww, they are communicating without words already! Bestill my lowkey-shipping-for-incest heart.

In Winterfell, the White Walkers have managed to break into the halls of the castle and, in less...white climes, they look less frozen and more, well, zombie. Arya, with her trusty staff, is attempting to sneak through her ancestral home without alerting Team Undead.

Unfortunately, she stumbles into the library and, weird, there are a lot of wights in the library. I didn’t know ice zombies were such avid readers.

What? Ice zombies need wank material, too, you know.

That is, if their genitals haven’t fallen off.

Our girl is creeping through the library, dodging errant undead in her wake. Desperately, she dives under a table, but the blood from her head wound is dripping on the floor, which attracts a nearby wight.

You know, like a shark.

The wight bends down and almost catches her, giving us all a mini heart attack, but Arya is gone. Phew.

BT-dubbs, that wight is none other than Javier Botet, who has made a sort of career playing monsters, including as the Leper in 2017′s It. 

He was cast on purpose because he can contort his body in absurd ways. And I apologize for making you look at the Leper again. Yeesh. 

Grabbing a book, she sails it across the floor to distract the zombies, runs into one going around the corner who then meets the fun end of her blade, and escapes the library. 

Who knew a library could be so dangerous?

Arya escapes into a chamber and softly closes the door behind her, leaning back against it. She seems to be safe for a moment and then--

Ser Brus of House Bannyr. He’s a buddy of the Mountain.

Wights start pouring in and Arya runs. She runs, runs, runs--down through the narrow, damp, ill-lighted walls of Winterfell, bleeding from her head wound. 

Meanwhile, just below her down in the crypt--

It’s SAFE it’s so SAFE, you guys.

The denizens of the crypt wait with bated breath and gasp when two desperate soldiers ram against the crypt door, begging to be let in. Sansa looks conflicted, wanting to help the soldiers but not at the cost of any of her people. 

In the corridors, Beric Dondarrion and his Flaming Sword of Justice and the Hound are tiptoeing through Winterfell when they hear battling and growling noises (thank you, captions) and Arya falls through a doorway with wights quickly after her. The Hound picks her up and they all race down the hall, Beric throws his sword at a couple of White Walkers but they soon begin to overwhelm him. Arya gazes back at him in desperation as the Hound tries to get her away, and Beric is stabbed by one of Team Undead. He stands there, limbs akimbo face aloft as if praying to the Lord of the Light.

I love this scene. It further underscores how much Arya has come to mean to the Hound. Before, he was frozen, nothing could jolt him out of his panic but the image of Arya in peril. And he spends the rest of the episode fighting not so much for the living but for her. 

Beric manages to stumble down the hall after Arya and the Hound and they lock a door behind him. Arya sits him against a wall while the Hound barricades the door with anything nearby.

Muttering unintelligibly, the man who was resurrected six times closes his eyes forever.

 Melisandre appears behind them after Beric passes, letting them know that he served his purpose. Arya knows her; the Red Woman promised her that they’d meet again and there they are. She also promised that Arya would close many eyes in her young life, which was also right. Brown eyes. Green eyes. And blue eyes. 

The wights are growling and scratching at the door, eager to come in and kill and feast on human flesh and blood. Arya stares while Melly bends down and whispers in her ear--

At the Weirwood tree, the wights are finally a-comn’ for BranBot and Theon and his men get into position with flaming arrows (I am now really in the mood for smores). Simultaneously, Dany/Drogon, Jon/Rhaegal/ and Ol’ Nighty/Viserion are duking it out in the air above them, the archers below attempting to knock the Undragon out of the sky. 

It’s like a WWII aerial dogfight, but with dragons. So, like, a dragonfight.

Someone has entered his rebellious goth phase!

Srsly, what other show offers a mid-air dragon fight?

The dragonfight ends, somehow, only with the Night King falling off his chosen Undragon.

Rhaegal makes a shaky landing--there is plenty of turbulence in the North, after all--and Jon rolls off his favorite dragon. Dany continues the hunt for Ol’ Nighty and when she finds him, she gives the order for Drogon to do his thang.

It...doesn’t work out as hoped.

The Night King grins and throws his ice staff at Drogon, the weapon that took down Viserion. Fortunately, the ensuing hit isn’t fatal and Dany turns tail and gets out of there before it is.

Jon whips out his trusty sword and begins following the Night King. But when Ol’ Nighty realizes he’s being followed, he turns around, bestows upon Jon a “teacher catching you doing something naughty” stare, and...does his thang. 

Team Alive desecrated many of your army? Just make a new one like that. Using his dark hippity doo da, the Night King raises all the soldiers (formerly) of Team Alive who fell in battle. And there’s a fucking lot of them. Including fallen Unsullied back at Winterfell’s gates and even Lyanna Mormont. 

At the castle, Jaime and Grey Worm look on in confusion and horror.

New inductees to Team Undead swarm in on Jon as the Night King and some of his disciples make their way to Winterfell. 

In the crypt, it was only a matter of time until this happened:

Y’all need some stronger building materials. This cannot be up to code. What would the leader of the HOA say?

Everyone in the crypt scatters in panic, minus the unlucky few who become Thing Food.

At the Weirwood tree, Theon and Co. are doing their best Robin Hood while BranBot is still checked out. I guess he’s in the raven, trying to get a location on the Night King? BranBot, do us all a favor and crap on his head.

(You missed! He was totally open, Bird! Damn.)

Jon almost gets overwhelmed until Dany and Drogon come to the rescue and manage to char the ice zombies without turning the one guy who is alive into a crispie critter, too. She tells him to go, be the hero we need, and he runs off. 

However, before Drogon can fly off, he, too, is quickly overcome with wights, tearing at his wings, climbing all over his spine. He roars and twists and turns and Dany goes tumbling off.

Drogon flies away with some wights still hanging onto him, trying to get all the annoying dead OFF. They must itch like crazy. 

He leaves his mommy behind and suddenly Dany is alone in a battlefield surrounded by Team Undead. She has no weapons. Her main weapon was Drogon. He is how she defeats her enemies. What the hell is she gonna do now?

One of the wights falls off Drogon and has blue eyes only for Dany. Who is alone. Vulnerable. Fucking sitting in the dirt. 

But, what luck! Jorah of House Fryndzonne appears out of nowhere to decapitate the wight with Heartsbane and protect his Khaleesi. 

I’ve been looking for an excuse to use that. Not a big anime fan but I love Hetalia. 

Jon makes his way back to Winterfell, stickin’ and stabbin’ and gruntin’ and growlin’ and bein’ manly. He’s had it up to here with them ice zombies, you guys.

Theon and Co. are working all the harder to protect BranBot while he’s still Like A Bird. Theon’s men all go down and soon he’s left alone to defend the automaton that was once Brandon Stark.

In the crypt, Tyrion and Sansa are hiding behind a cement monument. Their wordless communication, expressed through the eyes alone, sends a chill down my spine. There is so much unsaid in that mutual gaze, and the acting here is superb. Props to Peter Dinklage and Sophie Turner. 

Sansa, shaking, whips out the dagger Arya gave her, and Tyrion kisses her hand.

If they both live through season 8, maybe those crazy kids could make it work? Tyrion would be a kick Lord of Winterfell. I can see him in a furry cape.

Elsewhere, Viserion is utterly destroying Winterfell.

Dany and Jorah are desperately stabbing at ice zombies on the battlefield. Tyrion and Sansa carefully run out from behind the monument. Jon just barely dodges a wave of blue fire as Viserion continues to destroy Winterfell. Theon is doing is damndest to shield BranBot from the White Walkers, but he’s evidently slowing down.

And then, oh crap, there he is. In slow motion, like he knows all eyes are on him.

Hey yeah yeah, they’re Calyfornya. 

Jorah is working alllllllll his muscles trying to protect his Khaleesi. Jaime and Brienne are backed up against a still standing wall of Winterfell as wights close in around them.

The Night King and his Night Kronies are coming for BranBot.

The remaining wights part for their Icicle Overlord. He stands there glowering down at Theon and BranBot. BranBot tells Theon he is a good man and thanks him and the audience is like--

I thought BranBot wasn’t programmed to say thank you. Ask Meera. 

Theon grasps his pointed staff firmly, yells, and runs toward Ol’ Nighty, who, of course, grabs it and stabs him right through the gut.

Sorry, Theon. You managed to survive Ramsey (and getting your Reek cut off) but the Night King was your undoing. You lasted most of the show, though. That’s more than can be said for most characters.

Speaking of lasting most of the show--

Beric, Theon, now Jorah. Everybody stab now!

Jon is hiding behind some debris. The Night King walks ever closer to BranBot. Jon gets up and screams at Viserion for some reason. BranBot gazes up at the Night King. The Night King begins to reach for his ice sword, and then--

Arya Stark, like the fucking avenging angel she is!

I love that she was the one to destroy the Night King. She and Lyanna Mormont were both frigging awesome this episode.

Moral: don’t mess with a girl.

Maisie Williams said in EW that when she initially read the script she was afraid people would think she didn’t deserve it or something. To that I say pish posh. “Arya” has been trending for days. 

After he explodes, all the wights begin to fall, including Viserion. Team Alive was right. Kill the Night King, his disciples are toast, too.

The crypt people come out of their hiding places and silently view the carnage. Arya looks over at BranBot and smiles a little. BranBot just sits there without offering a thank you. I guess he only malfunctioned that one time with Theon.

Unfortunately, the zombies aren’t the only ones that fall. Jorah is hurt and hurt badly. He buckles on the battlefield, surrounded by inactive wights, bleeding from seeming every orifice. Dany bends down before him, crying and holding his head.

He dies in her arms. A fitting end for Jorah of House Mormont, forever loyal to his Khaleesi.

So is Dany’s dragon.

Aww. That’s...cute. Like a dog with wings. And scales. That breathes fire.

The Hound, Melisandre, and Davos walk out of Winterfell just as dawn is breaking. The Hound and Davos stop at the door but Melisandre keeps going, looking determined. Shedding her trademark red cloak, she marches forward, ridding herself of the ruby necklace that has kept her young for centuries.

And then, growing older before their eyes, she perishes. Her mission is complete.

And that’s the end of the episode. Cue end credits.

Salt and crackers, that took FOREVER. Every free moment I had I was recappin’. But the episode was awesome and the cast says the next episode is even more awesome so I can’t wait!

Now comes the march on King’s Landing, the taking of the crown, and, hopefully, Cersei gonna die. Who’s gonna have her head? Will it be Jaime? Arya? Tyrion? My bet is Jaime.

Also, congats are in order for our Sansa Stark. Sophie Turner got married to Joe Jonas last night after the Billboard Music Awards. In Vegas with an Elvis impersonator presiding, which is fantastic. 

[reihimura]

not to be a downer but :( what if rei meeting dabi causes her to have like a second break down bc oh my god thats her baby?? whose supposed to be dead?? endeavor said he had died (or been srsly injured w his own quirk)?? why does he look like that (assuming the staples r dabis later doing) and how is he a villain??. ok but its the final straw n she just,,, kills endeavor. OR, she always knew he was out there n it is a heartwarming reunion :')

YEAH its kind of hard to intrepret a reunion between them tbh, mostly because we don’t know much of the backstory between rei and touya... we can’t be certain of the relationship the two had, though i do believe they did love each other. rei was a good mother to the best of her abilities despite the situation. in flashbacks, we have seen her defend shouto during endeavor’s ‘training’, and took hits to protect him. she also encouraged shouto, and since she has a positive relationship with natsuo and fuyumi in the present day, we can assmue she did the same for them. i believe she loved and protected touya as well - and since he was trained before shouto was born, she likely shielded him whenever she could. natsuo, so far the only todoroki to have brought up touya and what happened to him, seems to place all of the blame on endeavor. due to that, i doubt rei was in anyway abusive towards touya as some theorize (seriously stop trying to demonize her or I Will Get You)

moving on, i’m assuming touya is believed to be dead - though i know him running away is also a popular theory, but it doesn’t make sense to me with all we’ve been given so far...? i mean, natsuo’s whole line of “and not to mentioned what happened to big bro touya” as well as cutting himself off when he was about to mention him to rei (“i can’t forgive him for what he did to you and shouto, and to...”) and i feel like if he ran away they would try looking for him - especially fuyumi! so i feel it’s safe to assume he’s presumed dead from an incident involving his quirk

but as i said earlier with natsuo cutting himself off before mentioning touya to rei, i feel it’s very possible any mention of him could cause her to have a breakdown. we know she feels guilty for a lot of things her children went through, especially the boiling water incident and being forced to abandon her children when she was placed in the hospital. though the exact timeline of events is still undisclosed, i believe it’s incredibly likely touya’s death was a major contributor in rei reaching her breaking point and burning shouto. the death of one of her children, combined with the abuse she and her kids were put through, is what caused her breakdown.

this panel, in praticular, does seem to add more credit to this theory. the future endeavor cut short (touya) and rei’s horrified face...

i know some theorize rei doesn’t really know what happened to touya and maybe she was already gone when he died (and sure, those are also likely) but i feel like natsuo cutting himself off before saying touya’s name is alluding to a lot more than that. he doesn’t want to mention his older brother to his mother because he knows she still feels extreme guilt over her child’s death and still blames herself for it, and he doesn’t want to cause her anymore distress. of course this all my speculation on what we have in canon so far, but it does seem to be likely course of events as of right now

and if all of this turns out to be true - oh boy what an emotional reunion that would be. i think rei would be shocked, and then overcome with joy upon seeing her eldest alive. she’d want to shower him in love before asking questions, probably. she does love her children very dearly, after all.

again, this is all my speculation on what we have in canon so far. it’s still hard to say for sure what a reunion between them would look like - we need more information on the two before we can find a clear answer.

despite that, we do have some stuff to work with, and i firmly believe a reunion between them would make me Cry

[616marvel]

Comic Fun Fact time(again)! So in today’s comic fun fact time, we’ll explore Secret Wars arc // mostly exploring the other Battleworlds // Warzones in terms of Nat, Bucky, and Steve  By far my favorite arc, but also one of the confusing arcs that I had to struggle through because there were so many storylines on this thing - so undercut is a brief summary of this series/issue while I’ll keep the fun facts up top. // ps only giving fun facts of battleworlds//warzones that i’ve read.

Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow Fun Facts during Secret Wars arc So Nat is basically dead af in 616 (main earth) because it was destroyed, but she’s alive in other universes:

1602 Timeline: Tldr this was old time English and Natasha is a widow and she’s known as the deadliest woman alive. I shit you not, there was this one part in that storyline where she yeeted Matt off of a bridge?? Mind you Matt Murdock is blind and is a bard in this storyline and I straight up died

A different 1602 Timeline: In this one, Natasha was Doom’s lover but she was doing shady black widow business and trying to manipulate Victor Von Doom but he’s like ‘lmao no’ and then yeeted Nat off of a flying pirate ship (listen lmao dont -)

1872 Timeline: One of the most interesting timeline in this whole thing imo. This was western time and Nat is a literal Widow because Bucky died aka her husband in this storyline. 

Nat is considered as one of the deadliest woman In most of the timeline, she is deemed as one of the deadliest woman to exist.

Nat was a man in dimension 63 - following my previous statement when I said ‘most’ - i said most because in one dimension, she’s a man. Everyone in that world is their opposite gender. She also has the deepest V-neck suit in that timeline it’s great 

Secret War 2099 - I don’t even know if this should be considered as Nat since it’s a whole different woman, but she’s Black Widow and her name is Talia. She’s a person of color and is very much as deadly as Nat 616 - this was a good read too.

Bucky Barnes / Winter Soldier Fun Facts during Secret Wars arc So Bucky is also basically dead af in 616 (main earth), and is mostly dead in all the other universes too

1602 Timeline: death by a spear because he hit on the wrong woman. Was part of the Buchanan clan and was a handsome knight

1872 Timeline: death by Fisk, was a deputy, married Nat but left her as an actual widow. They also didn’t meet in a church, insinuating that they met while she was on a mission or him on a lookout.

TBH he wasn’t in a lot of the timelines, like in Giant-Size Little Marvel, he was missing there but you get this beautiful gem of an art by the artist of Giant-Size Little Marvel d’aw (x)

Steve Rogers / Captain America Fun Facts during Secret Wars arc So Steve is also basically dead af in 616 (main earth) since it was destroyed, but is alive in other universes

1602 Timeline: This one was confusing because he’s apparently the 616 Steve Rogers but they were trying to get rid of him so they sent him and time and he ended up in 1602 and hanging out with the Native Americans. His name was Rohjaz in this storyline and when he was transported back to his timeline, he actually triggered 1602 timeline

1872 Timeline: He was a Sheriff and basically trying to bring Fisk down because he’s a corrupt mayor (just like most western storylines) and he ends up dying and being fed to the pigs (jk he was just thrown to the pigs when he died)

Secret War 2099: still unsure if I should even say that this was a counter part of Steve because the captain america here is a woman named Roberta Mendez and is later used as her whole different persona in earth 616 but don’t @ me right now - comics are confusing.

Giant-Size Little Marvel: They’re all kids here and Steve’s version of fun is working out and they (avengers) teased him about this lmao - he had a bootcamp - he also sold hotdogs, and hated Cyclop’s eye puns (he made a few)

BRIEF SYNOPSIS: undercut // srsly this is brief considering that I’m combining a few of the issues during this event.

Secret Wars: okay like this one was confusing because basically there's multiple universes in marvel comics yeah? Well an incursion happens where these said universe start clashing with one another and doing a rippling effect that clashes to other universes killing that universe. Basically Ultimate and 616 (main storyline marvel) had the same idea of basically fighting one another - need to note that 616 killed ONE universe at one point and the heroes felt guilty af because they're like shit fam we just killed a buncha people. So like they were gonna not do that anymore but then Namor was like "nah fam we ain't about to fucken die, I'm a bad Bitch" so they destroy more worlds (namor and his rag tag team that had thanos don't ask). This is getting long but basically the heroes were like wtf bro and then another incursion was happening and they were gonna let it happen - some heroes fought but for the most part people were saying bye to one another it was actually pretty fucking sad. Some people from 616 survived because Reed made a life ship thing to avoid the incursion but as they escape, Ultimate and 616 are destroyed and then OTHER POCKETS OF UNIVERSES ARE BORN lead by Doom and his minions of Thor (yeah idk).

This is where you get stories like Timely, Marvel Zombies, 1602, noir, the one where they're all kids (loves that one) and more! Anyway so while that's happening, doom is playing god and assigning barons to watch over these worlds etc. it eventually gets to the point where Reed and Doom duke it out and then Reed is like “I’d make a better world than you, this shit (world) trash bruh” and Doom’s like “you right but fuck you” and then Owen, powerful ass mutant, was like “oh damn aight, since y’all made up-” he changes time and basically stops the incursion from happening to 616 but like all the other shit still happened because Miles Morales remembers his convo with Owen (he gave him a cheeseburger and thats how he remembers, dont ask). So 616 was remade and doom was no longer ugly so he’s like ‘yeah okay i can dig it, i don’t need to play as god anyway’ then laughs while Reed and Susan use Owen as a battery source to remake universes that were lost.

[muchdan]

top 10 phan moments that make me wanna rip my heart out

yeah, just ten moments among hundreds, let it be part one or something. tell me what i’ve missed because i want more suffering in my life.

10) mind control.

i mean, i appreciate the subtlety. i crave those tiny moments that you only notice when someone points them out to you. but this! you can’t miss this one, this moment is shoved down our throats. this is so “i’m allowed to do that to you, to be in your personal space, and gaze into your eyes for no reason, just because i want to”. and phil’s face in that moment, so much joy and mischief, he claps his hands and gazes back.

9) chest touch.

drama queen howell strikes again, it hurts to rewatch it srsly, why is he so extra? but what is phil doing ladies and gents? he slaps his chest in the weirdest way possible, he brushes it, it’s like he wants to shove him but reassuringly and the movement happens so fast you have to pause for a second to comprehend it. that sweet gentle boy is so fond of dan’s unnecessary commentary and yeah, it completely distracts us from what dan is saying at that moment.

8) feel my heartbeat.

was that necessary, really? like, i don’t ask my friends to feel my heartbeat when i’m scared, that was such a “horror movie at first date” bullshit, that’s not what people do?? and when dan does feel that beautiful hummingbird heart, phil just covers his hand with his own palm because yes, you gotta feel it very close, no air between your hand and my chest. dan immediately looks into the camera to show us that yeah, i know you’re there, nothing strange, and makes a comment about phil dying. wow.

7) phil the delivery man.

i don’t know what to say. it’s so simple but why does phil have to make such an act of bringing dan his charger, why does he talk in that stupid voice?? they have a banter, and then phil FIXES DAN’S CHARGER FOR HIM, like what?? who asked you to do that? where’s my IT guy au (literally, he’s got glasses, look at him). and before he leaves he plays the piano that nerd, what an attention seeker, and then bows!! is he tipsy? did he have a pre-liveshow orgasm or something? dan laughs fondly and it’s all i need in the world.

6) child beer.

what’s happening and does it even matter. phil’s hiding on the floor, but why? to surprise us? eh whatever. so he’s got that magical japanese powdery stuff and he wants dan to taste it. the biggest problem for me here, ahem, i mean the thing that just kills me every time is that phil spends the whole time (eight minutes) on his knees and he looks so cute when he makes that beer, holds it close to the camera, and then lets the foam sit so dan can have the ultimate child beer experience.

it reminds me of that hot chocolate video, where he does something so trivial but he’s so gentle and loving about it. i still don’t understand why they didn’t do a simple taste test like bros, but phil had to make it for dan, he wanted to see his reaction. and then he tries it as well, touches the glass rim with his lips at the same place where dan’s mouth just was (gross).

and i just can’t ignore how that boy sneaks past dan’s room after that, he’s playful, he stops to say that he googled something and dan was wrong, and domesticity, i wanna die.

5) sleeping phil on tour.

i kinda wanna talk about the angle here because i don’t understand how it was filmed (camera is pretty static, dan’s hand reaches from the side, not behind), but i don’t know if it matters here. what matters is how gentle dan is. of course, he starts with classic nose tickling, which is what “messing with a sleeping friend” usually implies, but then he frees one strand of phil’s hair and just lets it fall. wow, fantastic prank, dan.

and let’s separately discuss that pout/kiss phil does after he opens his eyes. i know you want a slow mo replay, so here we go:

that’s what i call “im gonna stay asleep but i love you”. where’s the nearest cliff so i can fling myself into abyss?

4) the look.

context what context. why did they keep it? why did they put it on fullscreen instead of hiding in the corner? two full-length looks dan, really?? you know what he looks like, why do you have to examine him like that in front of us you slut. and it just passes, without acknowledgment, they just turn back at us simultaneously and I’M STILL DEAD at that moment, i don’t care what happens next.

3) snoot. proot. (i just filmed you doing that)

i don’t even care what it was. something about piano sounds or whatever, but this video haunts me. THERE’S SO MUCH TO IT. first, phil is lying on dan’s bed (at least in the official version it’s dan’s, not mutual), just chilling?? and dan’s working i guess. so they are not actually doing something together but it’s a cozy evening, why would they spend it in different rooms? dan says something, idk, and phil replies “yeah” in that deep voice I SWEAR i haven’t heard from him before. dan makes the sounds again, like can you believe he’s an actual dork in real life, it’s not an act, he’s actually the weirdest boy alive, and he so obviously doesn’t know he’s being filmed. because when phil says “i just filmed you doing that you’re so weird”, he’s so delighted, he laughs at himself, he turns around, his hair is pushed back omg they are both so sleepy and i rejoice. i think this video gives us a rare but fantastic insight in their everyday life, phil must be keeping so much silly videos like that on his google drive and we never get to see them BUT SOMEHOW he posts this one, probably because dan is cute and he wants everyone to know it.

2) you loved it. you wanna do it more.

so, yes. you know this one. where do i even begin?? they play this dragon quiz and then 1) phil says “you loved it” in the strangest voice, like the voice we never hear from him, it’s deeper and quieter, he looks at dan even though dan’s not looking back; 2) dan is looking down as if he’s fiddling with an ipad or something, it’s almost a bts moment, something they would usually edit out. AND THEN THREE SECONDS OF SILENCE while dan kinda processes what’s going on and phil still looks at him expectantly. seductive as fuck. and now this quiet “alright”, i’m just… dan looks like he’s gotten the hint, so he’s a little embarrassed and they share the softest laugh. 

the thing is, we know how often phil makes sexual innuendos and dan always reacts the same way: he looks into the camera, he throws a witty comment in, he puts it on display to show us that there’s no intimacy in that moment. but not this time. i don’t understand why they didn’t edit it out. i just… don’t.

1) pantless liveshow this is the ultimate. this is the weirdest and the most awesome thing these two gave me and i’m not even sure what can top that. the moment when phil decides to grab the humidifier and show us, he looks at the screen, says “one second” and stands up very awkwardly while dan turns the laptop away from him and makes the weirdest “how you doing” face. 

WHAT THE FUCK. did they think we were so used to them weirdos that we wouldn’t even notice that shit? but fuck, they do it again, they want to show us the spray and dan goes “should i go get it? you have to do phil’s corner”. like, i can’t function, i honestly can’t. AND THE WORST PART is when dan returns and we can see him covering his legs with a blanket just too fast like it’s not that cold boy come on.

i have no explanation and i have every explanation. i don’t deserve all this suffering.

[boystownbirdie]

LMWTV4U: GOT S7E5

Welcome back! In case you’re new, this is “Let me watch TV 4 U,” the blog where I watch TV so you don’t have to. I’ll be recapping Game of Thrones, Season 7 Episode 5 and SPOILERS ABOUND SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Tonight’s episode was titled “Eastwatch” but a more fitting title would have been “Don’t I know you from a few seasons ago?” If you’ve been following GoT for awhile, you might know that “unlikely alliances” is one of George R.R.R.R.R. Martin’s go-to-setups. He really gets off on taking 2 characters who are TOTAL OPPOSITES on paper and watching them learn to get along, just like the premise of all sitcoms. Well all of these unlikely pairs have been meeting, forming bonds, and saying goodbye for the past 7 seasons and NOW we’re apparently at the part where we have to watch them meet back up again. It kind of sounds like a kewl idea but idk about you, it just turns into a mess as a viewer because you have to remember how/when/where everyone met before. It’s like watching a livestream of a very tense high school reunion.

All that being said, some shit went DOWN tonight, so let’s go!

First of all, we get a new location on the map in the beginning, Eastwatch! If you’ll recall this is the place where Gingerbae (my fave wildling and #2 crush after Bae- Jon Snow) went to guard the wall at the behest of Bae a few eps ago.

Our first scene takes place right after last week’s epic dragon battle...

We learn that Jaime and Bronn are both still alive and we have to watch Jaime spit up seawater and I’m like who do you think you are, Euron Greyjoy?!? (lol that joke only works if you watched last season, sorry). Bronn is like dude, do you have a death wish? And Jaime is like kind of�� cuz my sis Queen Pixie Cut (QPC) is a “shoot the messenger” type and now I have to tell her about all this dragon business.

Speaking of, we get some more hot-dragon-action (and I meant hot as in temp-wise, not sexual...yet...wait til Bae gets his fingers on a dragon). Tyrion is looking around at all the hell Khaleesi hath wrought and seems pretty sad about it. Remember he is a Lannister, so a lot of people who got burnt up were his home-bois.

He walks over to Khaleesi who has rounded up the surviving Lannisters and is looking FLY  AS HELL post-battle scene. Seriously, who does her hair? Probs a Dothraki cuz #goodatbraids. Khaleesi tells all the captured soldiers to kneel before her and declare loyalty to her or get killed. Sams mean dad (SMD) and Sam’s Bro Dickon (SBD) refuse to kneel because they’re #tooproudtobeg and Khaleesi is like, srsly guys? But they are truly #tooproud, so they both get burned up by the dragon, per Khaleesi’s orders. All of this is very not cool with Tyrion and he makes that pretty clear.

Next, we pop over to King’s Landing where Jaime is about to drop some #truth on QPC…

He tells her things are not looking so hot (or are they looking VERY HOT? Get it? Cuz dragons...sorry I’ll stop now) and that the Dothrakis (Khaleesi’s horse people) and dragons will kill them all. QPC suggests they hire mercenaries but Jaime is not feeling it. Then Jaime drops truth bomb #2 and tells QPC that he recently got the scoop that Grandma Tyrell admitted to killing their son Joffrey. See QPC was CONVINCED that Tyrion killed Joffrey which is what eventually led T to flock to #teamkhaleesi. Jaime is maybe able to convince her of this fact and that they might have to surrender to Khaleesi. She’s basically like well, damned if you do, damned if you don’t, ya know? The theme of this scene is TROUBLE IN PARADISE.

Now to the Bae-on-dragon action I promised…

Bae is waiting at the arrivals gate for Khaleesi and #1 dragon like a sad little chauffeur when Mr. Dragon lands right on his toes. Rather than giving Mr. Dragon a wide berth, he walks right up to him and TOUCHES HIS NOSE like he’s friggin’ Moana (Moana fans where you at?) Mr. D is like about to bite at first but then he’s like, naw, you’re cool. Probably because Bae is secretly a Targaryen and they’re all about dragons. Bae asks Khaleesi about her business trip and she’s like I TCOB’ed if that’s what you mean and says “sometimes strength is terrible” but that as leaders, they have to be strong.

Khaleesi then starts to ask Bae about the knife-in-the-heart comment that No-Knuckles (NK) made a few weeks ago and before Bae has to uncomfortably describe his weird Lazarus-situation to her, Stoney shows up, fresh off being cured of his stone disease by none other than Bae’s bestie Sam. The artist formerly known as Stoney (but let’s just keep calling him Stoney for now) is like will you still have me, Khaleesi? And she’s like DOI, OF COORS. And Bae is like oh I knew your dad he was a kewl dude he gave me this sword.

We get a brief interlude with everyone’s fave sooth-sayer, Brandon Stark! He hops into the eyeballs of some birds who fly North to get an update on the ice-zombie-army. As we all suspected, the ice zombies are CLOSER THAN EVER and headed to Eastwatch. This should not be a surprise because every time we check on them they’re just walking further South and unlike humans do not need to stop to eat or pee or get their hair intricately braided.

We pop into Oldtown, where Sam hears about Bran’s report. He tells all the other Maesters that they should listen to him but they, as always, are like naw this shit can’t be real. Also Maester-Jim-Broadbent is like BTW, Sam’s dad and bro just got burnt up but don’t say anything to him.

Back to Dragonstone…

Where  Tyrion and sleevey recap sam's dad and bro getting killed and agree that it was not cool, bro. Sleevey helpfully recalls a time when Khaleesi’s dad was always burning people alive. Sleevey reveals that Bae got a letter in the mail and yes, he did read it which is a FEDERAL OFFENSE, SLEEVEY! You can’t afford to go to prison!

Bae gets his hands on the letter from his bro Bran and learns A LOT. A. Bran is alive. B. Arya is alive. And C. The Night-King (leader of the ice zombies) is coming to Eastwatch. Again, this should be a surprise to no one. He talks things through with Khaleesi and co. to devise a plan and everyone has something to contribute, you guys! Here’s the plan

Tyrion will talk to his bro to try to convince him that ice zombies are real, who will then convince QPC.

NK will use his smugglin’ skills to smuggle T into King’s Landing (at this point it should really be Queen’s landing, right?)

Bae will head up north and capture an ice zombie to bring to everyone for proof. Stoney will use his battling skills to help with this.

Khaleesi is not about to let Bae go, though, probs cuz she wants more hot cave-action. But Bae is like sorry G2G!

Back in Winterfell and trouble is afoot!

Sansa is sitting at her in-charge-table and all the “Northern Lords” (although everyone’s fave 11-year-old-kween is nowhere to be seen) are still griping about Bae being down South with Khaleesi. Sansa doesn’t accept their offer to basically put her in charge, but she doesn’t defend Bae too much either. Arya, who was always besties with Bae when they were all kiddos, is not ok with that. She calls her out on it and notices that Sansa is staying in their mom and dad’s old room. She’s like ummm… you always liked nice things. Which is such a classic Winterfell-burn.

They chat and learn that they have very different views on uniting people and consolidating power. Arya is little more murder-y but Sansa is a little more scheme-y. Which better? IDK I haven’t read “The Art of War.” Basically, Arya knows that Sansa is still a bit power-hungry and calls her out on it. But I did read “Lean In” and I’m like, is that so bad?

Later, we pop back into King’s Landing where Arya is tailing Littlefinger cuz #shedontlikethelooksofthisguy, He’s being shady, as always, handing out poision, scheming with the Northern Lords, and then she sees the Maester give LF a piece of paper and she’s like oooohh I gotta get my hands on that. LF hides the paper in his room but, bitch, didn’t you know Arya is a trained assassin from the face-swapping-cult now?

She finds the paper which looks like this letter that Sansa wrote back in Season 1 when she was being forced by QPC. It’s basically her asking #teamStark to swear loyalty to Joffrey, all of which is irrelevant because most of Team Stark, along with Joffrey, is dead. Then we see LF behind the scenes looking all satisfied. Why you may ask? Well it seems like LF is trying to drive a wedge between the sisters by making Arya distrust Sansa even more. IDK I don’t condone violence but I really just want someone to stab LF.

Back to team Khaleesi, Tyrion and NK roll up on Queen’s Landing…

Tyrion reminds us all that the last time he was here, he killed his dad. NK is like well the last time I was here, you killed my son! You’d think there would be some sort of resolution with that but nope, NK was just throwing it out there! Tyrion heads off to see his bro and NK heads off on a secret mission that IS VERY CUTE, just wait and see.

Bronn sets up a meeting between Tyrion and Jaime, who haven’t seen each other since Jaime saved Tyrion from getting killed (per QPC and their dad’s orders). T proceeded to shoot their dad to death on the toilet, so Jaime is understandably a little peeved. Tyrion explains why he came and asks if Jaime could ask QPC if she might possibly be into checking out an ice zombie if they can get one. Jaime is still peeved but considers this helpful offer.

Meanwhile, we get a reunion of 2 of our faves, NK and Gendry!!!! So non-GoT-watchers, Gendry is this dude who is secretly the son of Robert Baratheon, QPC’s ex-hubby and the former king. Only a few ppl knew this, and to protect him from QPC, he got sent North to the wall with Arya. He and Arya developed a cute lil’ friendship and then he met up with some Lord-of-Light (LOL) worshippers, the same ones who the Hound (remember from ep 1 of this season) is now traveling with. Then the red witch lady came and took him to Stannis to have leeches eat his blood but before the red witch could kill him, NK set him free and sent him on a rowboat back to King’s Landing. So here we are…

They reunite and it’s adorbs, since Gendry is like thanks for saving my life, you were right I ended up being safe here. And NK is like oh good, so I have a favor to ask, will you come with us? It’s for- and before he can finish Gendry is like NP my bags are packed let’s go. And NK is like do you want more info...or… and Gendry is like nope this place is the pits, let’s go, lemme get my hammer. And I AM FEELING THIS HAMMER y’all, Gendry is basically Thor of GoT now. And he shall henceforth be known as New-Thor.

NK and New-Thor head to the boat to leave Queen’s Landing and encounter some guards who aren’t gonna let them off that easy. Just when they bribe their way out of there, Tyrion shows up and the guards are like...you look familiar? So New-Thor kindly uses his hammer and demolishes those dudes, leaving T and NK both stunned and impressed.

While we’re still at Queen’s Landing, we see Jaime knocking on QPC’s door, but she’s busy with Maester Qyburn, having some deep discussion. We also learn Qyburn is the hand-of-the-queen (did we know this before? It was news to me). Jaime is like what we’re y’all talking about, and QPC is like I’m sorry, HIPAA, I can’t tell you. Then she tells him that she knows he met with Tyrion and that he should punish Bronn for setting that up. She also hints that she’s willing to do a collab with Khaleesi but then she’s like “we will defeat whatever stands in our way” which doesn’t sound very collab-y to me.

Then, in a major reversal, SHE DROPS A TRUTH BOMB ON HIM and tells him she’s PREGNANT and the baby is HIS. He is shook but also very happy because he loves her a lot. He’s like who you gonna say knocked you up? And she’s like it’s 2017, bitch, I’ll say it was my twin bro cuz #hatersgonnahate. Do we believe she is really preggo? I do not. Classic desperation move when you see your man starting to slip away. But nonetheless he is happy about it so there’s that.

Next, we head back to Dragonstone...

Where Bae meets New-Thor in Bae’s fave place, a cave! They reminisce about how their dads were friends and New-Thor calls out Bae on being a little shorty-pie. We think Bae is gonna be like “ah hell naw” but instead he’s like LOL you’re right bro. New-Thor offers to head North with Bae to kill some ice-zombies with his hammer. NK is a little peeved because he told New-Thor not to tell anyone who his dad was and not to get himself into trouble. NK’s like well don’t mind me, I only lived to be an old man so what do I know about surviving? It’s a very cute scene and it all plays out like a dad playfully chastising his sons for picking a college that’s too far away.

On the shore we get some goodbyes. Tyrion and Khaleesi both say goodbye to Stoney and Khaleesi is especially sappy about it. Then she says goodbye to Bae, who is busy loading up his boats with zombie-killing-rocks from the caves. She’s like, so…I’ll call you next week? And Bae’s like umm….maybe? But you know they’re both fighting the urge to pop into a cave for a quick makeout sesh.

Next, we see Sam and Gilly in Oldtown reading books…

Gilly happens upon the MOST IMPORTANT INFO EVER in a book, which Sam, in a very-un-Sam-like way, completely ignores. It’s infuriating. Basically she finds out that Bae’s real parents, Rhaegar Targaryen (Khaleesi’s bro) and Lyanna Stark (Daddy Stark’s sis) were legit married when she had Bae, which means he is the ONE-TRUE-HEIR to the iron throne or whatevs. Sam, however, is too peeved about the Maesters not listening to him (or Bran for that matter) and gathers up some of the best books in the library (and he is in for the late fee OF A CENTURY cuz you know he won’t return ‘em) and heads out of there.  It’s a frustrating scene. I just..can’t...

Finally, we make it to Eastwatch...

Where we get to check in with Gingerbae my #2 boo. Bae tells him the plan to trap the ice zombie and bring it back as proof and Gingerbae is like you are cuckoo. NK is there to confirm that yes, Bae is cuckoo, and no, he’s not going North with them. But on the docket we do have New-Thor with his hammer and Stoney with his un-stoned-hands and arms to help! Gingerbae is like well I know some other dudes who want to get up there...cut to…

The Hound and his LOL-ers Eyepatch and Gingerbun (am I the only one who finds Gingerbun kind of attractive?) are in Eastwatch-prison, doing a very poor version of Cellblock Tango from Chicago, the musical. This is the scene where the whole-don’t-I-know-you-from-somewhere gets really messy. No need to dive into all of it, the point is, these people have HISTORY with eachother. But Bae reminds them that since they’re all humans and not zombies, they’re on the same side. So they head out into the deep, cold, winter to trap and ice zombie. And we’re left there.

Let’s recap:

Biggest surprise this ep: QPC IS PREGNANT?!?!?!

Biggest letdown: Seriously Sam. You could not listen to the most important news ever because you were distracted?

Important fashion moments: Khaleesi lookin’ so fly fresh out of battle, Sansa is really rocking those fitted armor gowns

Who died this ep? Sam’s Bro Dickon (RIP) and Sam’s Mean Dad 

Thanks for reading! Tell your friends and subscribe!? 

[trulymadlysydney]

SYDNEY!!HEY GIRLY!! it's dick appointment anon and i'm sorry i don't update you and ur followers on the hoe stories anymore but this one was sooo wild i felt inclined to share lowkey. basically me and fuckboy's college starts late august (senior year!!) &so a bunch of our friends and us decided to go on a little trip to my friends cabin in the deadass woods (srsly in the middle of fuckin nowhere) right?? so we get there it's like actually super boujee (1/?)

(2/?) accidentally sent that last one too early whoops! but i’m talking a hot tub out front, 100" flat screen, heated floor EVERYTHING. that night we all decided to go to the hot tub and it’s a huge one so all 8 of us could fit in it. we were playing paranoia (hopefully u know what this is lmao) and so fuckboy said my name and i was like 👀👀bitch what. and so they flipped the coin (it was literally a coin flip app smh) and i guessed it right so the kid who asked the question said it out loud(3/?) the question was “who’s most likely have a daddy kink” and i rolled my eyes so fucking hard bc obviously chris knows this 😩 and then after that the entire game just turned dirty man idek. but i was lowkey teasing him like halfway thru bc the game got kinda boring. needless to say he kinda picked me up outa the hot tub super abruptly when i said his name at the question “most likely to have the biggest dick” ajsjwjw lmaooo. bro i kid u not he was aggressive as fuck!! i was like okay then!!(4/?) like when we got back to our room omg but anyway it was wild BUT THEN?? THIS BITCH?? GOES TO GET A CONDOM?? AND CANNOT FIND ANY?? and then he just looks at me w the most betrayed look and he was like stuttering saying he might’ve forgot the condoms?? 😤😤😤 i was absolutely not thinking straight bc i was always the girls that’s like so big on protection sis i promise! i’m on birth control and use condoms but! there was none. and i was needy. BITCH I WENT BARE WITH FUCKBOY??(5/?) u know like every fuckin fanfic about harold going bare w his girl for the first time and how it’s so dramatic and he just like worships the girl the whole time? yeah man that’s exactly what went down w me and chris. i have NEVER and i repeat NEVER heard some of the moans coming out of this boy and 👀👀 when i said “you’re gonna come in me” he SHUDDERED. honestly i have never felt so alive. tbh syd i hope u get some dick in ur life soon bc u deserve that shit.(6/?) real talk i just want everyone to get some good dick (or pussy idk what ur in to) bc that shit is gr8 w the right person!! it’s been a week and i’m still shook so that rly wild. dare i say i might be totally fine w starting a family one day with this kid??? has he done the impossible of getting me to express emotions?? interesting 🤔 anyway imma go give him a bj just bc but i hope u have an amazing night sydney !!! 💕💕——THIS IS SO WILD IM SO FUCKING JEALOUS WHAT OMFG I love this so much and I’m so happy for you

[hallelujuh]

lefou moments™

"she's so well read and ur so fucking hot athletically inclined”

"why do you need her when you have us?" translation: “u and me are practically married already why r u never happy goddamnit gaston”

"i'm not done with you yet" "me neither" ;-;

"it's never gonna happen ladies" *prances off after his actual bf*

lefou copying gaston’s mannerisms ;-;

lefou biting his lip as gaston's describing married life...and then looking annoyed once gaston mentions belle

gaston: "while my love massages my tired feet" lefou: *starts to massage gaston's back*

when he got the dirty old drunk guy to rub gaston’s ears ahahah i was laughin

i s2g i thought he broke that dude’s neck jfc

lefou, laying across a table in draw-me-like-one-of-ur-french-girls position & singing about gaston’s manliness,

"they'll tell you which team they prefer to be on"

tom dick & stanley’s faces say it all

the wink

when he smacked stanley on the head... & then when he grabs tom by the face to get up onto the table ahaha

hes just rlly adorable during the “who breaks hearts like gaston”. happy clappy boi

"NOBODY BITES LIKE GASTON" *SHOWS OFF GIANT BITE MARK IN AN AREA NO STRAIGHT MAN SHOULD BE BITING* WHAT DO THESE WRESTLING SESSIONS ENTAIL?? IS WRESTLING A CODE WORD FOR FUCKING??? UM???

lefou turning a bro handshake into a gay ass cuddle sesh & looking like it was his favorite place in the world to be ("too much?" "yyyyyep")

him paying everybody to go along with it. him perfectly orchestrating & choreographing everything. my what a guy that lefou

when he couldnt get on the table i laughd so hard man

gaston: "i shoot from behind" lefou: bent over the table, now on top of the table, now on his hands & knees, now flat on his back staring up at gaston...

clearly everyone was choreographed except josh gad. they just told him “prance around & act gay. stand on tables a lot. u can improv the rest. just make it rlly homoerotic” & he was like “k”

the...noises as gaston’s describing how he hunts. those r. questionable noises..

gaston picking lefou up with one arm & lefou swooning..his faceeee lmfao

him dancing while gaston’s on the table aww i luv him

gaston dropping his drink down for lefou to catch & drink ;-;

the graceful jump from one table to the next ahah

how happy they both were when they were dancing on the table, even if gaston shoved lefou out of the way so he could have the spotlight. like those were genuine smiles. the actors were havin a damn blast.

my illiterate son,,

how he modestly looks down at his feet when gaston says he’s the best

“how has no girl snatched you up yet?” 

"i've been told im clingy" he says, practically sitting on gaston's lap, his arm around him, "but i really dont get it."

awkward moment of silence. awkward gaston coughs awkwardly. lefou stares at gaston, clearly thinking, "why hasnt a lady snatched me up yet? did ur dumbass srsly just ask me that? r u fuckin serious?? u dumb motherfucker??"

lefou's bitch face....

like his arms r crossed & he looks pissy as hell when maurice walks in. hes rolling his eyes. what a little bitch. i fuckin luv him

“ohhh”

"do u really wanna marry into this family?”

how he like. slowly & gingerly cimbs out of the carriage. i thought that was sweet. he’s slow & calculating, in comparison to gaston’s fast & impulsive. 

"deep breaths, gaston. deep breaths. think of the war! think of the widows!”

ofc gaston’s “...the widows :)”

the nose boop. the booping of the nose. pls.

lefou's face after maurice says "u will never marry my daughter" “i saw that coming”

lefou's face when they leave maurice

lefou’s face when he sees maurice is alive

hes so precious he was so worried augh 

i like how he’s talking abt maurice but then gaston looks at him & he shuts up instantly. poor lefou. my poor boi

gaston practically seducing lefou by grabbing his chin and staring deeply into his eyes, their faces like barely an inch apart,,, fuk,,,,

it was in order to manipulate him by disorientating him in an intimate way...but it was still p fukin hot & def p fuckin gay

lefou's face during that...poor thing

also maurice's face during that says a lot too i think

also josh gad has nice eyelashes lmao

lefou protesting that they should storm the castle. gaston threatening him. lefou glaring at his back the rest of the mob song. poor bb

"are u not the least bit concerned this castle is haunted?" "dont lose ur nerve, le fou"

“oh hello! u must be the talking tea cup! & u must be his grandmother!”

"gaston!" le fou shrieks as a piano falls on him, which gaston purposely allowed to fall on him,

"gaston, help me!" "sorry old friend. it's hero time" "ouch" defeated sad le fou gives a defeated sad le sigh

plumette harassing le fou,,poor le fou. hes having a bad day already

le fou & mrs potts teaming up

"well ur too good for him anyway" *gay nodding*

he was disinterested in the dance & then stanley showed up & he was like 'omgomg ok cool yes i cant live w this'