#srry moment of loving my friend weakness posting

[astrumocs]

Did u guys know Eros is the best? Literally can’t express that enough,

[flovverworks]

reading shino's affection story for the billionth time but this part gets me as usual,,,

Shino: I tried to teach him magic once, and he really hated it, so I got frustrated and yelled at him. And then Heath ran away. I thought he would rat me out to Master and Mistress, and I'd be chased out of Blanchett. So then I started crying. I grow nervous at the phrase, "I started crying." Shino speaks of moments of pain and vulnerability so casually, with such a straight face. He must've been beaten down so many times that crying was no big deal. Shino has the strength of a child who survived.

im not gonna get into shinos character this time but know that i love him dearly, but the akira 'growing nervous at the phrase'.... because i feel there's been an increase of akira crying throughout the series...??? i cant rmbr how often it happens in pt1 outside of them having to drink the Horrible Horrible summoning potion (which is why im hoping the anime adds a akira crying out of homesickness/shock scene) nor 1.5 (srry i only reread the murr 'did no one tell you? that no one can replace you' scene last time</3). in 2nd anni i KNOW there is one at the end cuz i obsess over it. but in pt2 there's multiple mentions of akira tearing up/crying, a couple in the same ch yeah, but theres also at least 3 separate times just in the first 8 chs...??? ofc most of akira crying is out of stress (i feel one of the clear other times was during the oz' castle event where riquet&arthur starts crying and then akira cries too), but........ there is also that line where its asked if they should continue the meeting some other time (cuz shylock just had his heart on fire) but akira denies it cuz they dont want to be seen as weak and useless or something like that.......i knoowwwww theres more akira crying/tearing up in other stories, but in the main story........... something something akiras heart that's slowly opening up (to themself). do u get what im getting at. ill make a full post about it one day. ill be back with the 1.5 scene once im at figaros pov in pt2 again

anyway that aside, 'shino speaks of moments of pain and vulnerability so casually' haunts me. shino i love u with my entire heart.........;_; i adore him & akiras conversations && his&mitiles so much....... shinos selfconfidence issues are so gaaahhhhhhhhhhh shino's such a great character man....

anyway on to the reason i always reread it

Shino: Sage. What about you? Who were you before you arrived here? Akira: Eh...? Shino: How many people listened to what you had to say before you became the sage? Shino gazes at me sharply. His words strike their mark and stab me in the chest. When I was a nobody, the only ones who listened to me were my family and friends; a small handful of people. Shino: When I was an orphan digging through the trash looking for something to eat, not a single person ever listened to me. I was a voiceless scarecrow. Even if I was on the brink of death, even if I collapsed and whimpered on the streets, people just looked at me like I was causing trouble. When I became a servant of the Blanchett family, my voice reached other people for the first time. But it's still washed away by everyone else’s voices. When I became the guardian of Sherwood Forest, travelers finally took my words seriously. Now I'm the Sage’s wizard. If I say my name, people turn around and listen to me. Because the fate of the world rests on our hands.

aurgh....shino.........

rly does get me how actively akira comments how theyre a lot more comfortable interacting with intimidating ppl now (very likely due to 1) sage 2) the fact a fifth of the sages wizards are intimidating themself lbr

Shino: Please leave. ...I don't want to hurt you any more with my words. An invisible sadness is crushing Shino's slouched back. I leave his room without a word.

this & akira commenting how shino looked more sad than they were & how they shouldve better understood his pain&loneliness....shino who just said he cried cuz he thought heath & his family would kick him out,,,,,

That gesture alone makes me feel like crying.

i take back my earlier talk. actually it still stands to some extent (stress-crier akira) but.

'why are you concerned about my happiness' GAAHHH SHINOOOOOOOO anyway both of them apologizing with a gift,,,,,shinos such a kind child man....augh the love akira has for shino as well.....akira&the younger wizards gets to me so bad man....

[wannabe-fic-writer]

WandaNat x Reader : In Their Arms

Summary: You feel safer in their arms than you do in your own home.

Warning: Domestic Abuse, Language, Homophobia

Word Count: 1,602

* * * * * *

'Can’t make movie night. Dinner with Jack. Srry.’

“Uggggghhhhh!”

Natasha’s brows raise at the long groan coming from her girlfriend,“ what’s wrong?”

Wanda’s eyes roll and she throws her phone back on the bed and trudges to the bathroom. 

Now frowning, Natasha picks up the phone, eyes scanning the message Y/n had just sent. And she completely understands her girlfriend’s frustrations. 

This had to be the hundredth time you’d canceled on them for your boyfriend. No matter what it was lately you’d always find some reason to cancel on them to be with Jack.

Both women were upset over it for a number of reasons. The more obvious one being that they don’t think Jack is good enough for you, or right for you in any way. It’s clear as day that the man is a power hungry misogynistic homophobic asshole.

They had noticed it the first night they met him at dinner with the both of you. 

Everything you said was countered with him seemingly one upping you: Wanda and Natasha asked about work and you began to reply only for him to cut you down with his opinion of your work and how his job(as an accountant) was a real career compared to yours(as a photographer).

When he left to the bathroom you profusely apologized and claimed he wasn’t always like that, something about a long day at work leaving him cranky. But the women knew that wasn’t it. And even if it was it wasn’t a valid excuse. 

It all became too much at dinner another night when he implied that Natasha and Wanda’s relationship wasn’t “real” because they were two women. That was the first time they saw you stand up to him, in defense of your best friends, but he quickly shut you down. 

They hated seeing it. They know how strong and incredible you are and couldn’t understand why you were with someone who didn’t even see you as an equal, who didn’t treat you like the queen you are. 

Both women would love nothing more than to be the ones showing you what you deserved but they had never gotten any indication that you one: were into women and two: into them. And then you got with Jack. So they silently loved you, making sure to remind you of your worth since they knew your self-esteem was taking hits in your relationship.

Natasha’s pulled from her thoughts when her girlfriend emerges from the bathroom. Green eyes scan over Wanda’s form and a subconscious smile tugs at her lips. 

“As much as I would love for Y/n to be here, she’s made her decision and we should respect it.” The redhead says, pulling Wanda in by her waist.

The younger woman’s fingers slip into red tresses,“ but it was a dumb decision,” she groans again,“ and I miss her. It’s been weeks Nat.” 

God did she know it. She hated not seeing you as much as she use to it. And silently vowed to never take your presence for granted again. That is whenever she can bask in it again.

“I know and I miss her too but we can’t force her to spend time with us.” Natasha says, watching as her girlfriend crawls on to the bed and curls into herself. 

She grumbles something that Natasha doesn’t hear. So the ex-assassin wraps herself around Wanda, pulling her close and resting her chin on the woman’s shoulder,“ speak up lyubov.” 

“Since when is spending time with us forced?” 

Your relationship with the women was a strong one. Having met years ago when Pepper and Tony hired you to photograph their wedding(post Tony’s snap). 

The women were taken with the simplicity of your life and were amazed with the work you did. Just as much as you were taken with the complexity of theirs and equally amazed at their work.

It was on a whim that you contacted them to hang out, a simple lunch “date” as you’d said. And your friendship with them grew from there. To the point where you spent almost every free night you all had, together. Eventually they became the two people you could tell anything to and you trusted them with your life and vice versa, except their feelings branched past friendly. 

Still they never imposed that on you. In fact you had no idea.

Before either woman can could continue their phones buzzed. Another notification from you. 

Excitedly Wanda opens it, hoping it’s you saying you’ll come over anyway. That excitement quickly switches to dread.

The audio message plays, your cries and screams blaring in the quiet of their bedroom. Accompanied by the horrid thuds and obvious slapping sounds.

Neither woman had moved so fast in their lives. Springing from the bed(Natasha equipping her Widow’s Bites) and leaving their home. They take the familiar route to your house and waste no time going inside, as quietly as possible so as not to enrage your attacker. 

“-me for them? As if they could give you something I haven’t!” The gruff shouts of a familiar voice makes Wanda freeze in her position pressed against the kitchen wall.

Your followed cries shatters her heart. 

“Please stop. Please.” 

“You disgust me.” He spits.“ I knew there was something was wrong with you but being gay-”

Whatever he says next is distorted and cut off by the volts now running through his body. 

Still in a state of fear, you flinch away from Natasha when the woman reaches you. And seeing how fragile and beaten you were angered and hurt her beyond belief. 

She shoots another Widow’s Bite at the man before kneeling beside you. 

“Y/n, hey,” her voice is softer than it’s ever been,“ milaya I need you to come with us. I’m not going to hurt you, ever.” 

E/c, tear filled eyes, look into green and you’re washed with a sense of security. In her eyes you’re reminded of the greatest love you’ve ever felt. It’s always been there but it matters now more than ever. 

With a nod from you, Natasha helps you up and passes you over to Wanda. You miss whatever it is they say, just overly aware of the pain from your forming bruises. 

Wanda eases you into the backseat, scooting in herself, and pulling you into her arms. Sobs wrack your body that make tears well in Wanda’s eyes. She does her best to calm you, whispered assurances of your safety and worth breaking through your cries. 

Getting from your house to their home is a blur. You feel as if you’re flowing in and out of consciousness even though you aren’t.

The severity of what happened weighs on you, making each blink feel like days of darkness, making your body feel empty despite your broken spirit inside it. 

You think and over think the situation. You blame yourself, feeling stupid for not recognizing that this is the kind of man he is. You hate yourself for sticking with him, having thought he’d return to the charming man he was when you’d first met.

His verbal abuse was one thing, not acceptable but not physical. You shouldn’t have stuck around for that and honestly had you left him when it began you never would’ve been in this position. 

How could I have been so stupid? So weak?

Natasha’s eyes snap to yours at the mumbled words.

Words you apparently thought out loud. 

The red head kneels in front of you in an instant and her hands gently squeeze the unbruised parts of your arms.

“You are far from weak and stupid.” Her words are stern, the hate in them directed to the man that made you feel that way, and the assurance in them for you.“ He is the weak one. He is the stupid one. Do not blame yourself for this Y/n.” 

Seeing tears roll down the flawless cheeks of the ex-assassin stirs something in you. Feelings that you’d just recently begun to understand. And the returning presence of the woman’s girlfriend makes them all the more prevalent.

Fingers wringing together, you tell them what had happened,“ I was breaking up with him.” Both sets of green eyes widen.“ I told him that I had developed feelings outside of our relationship, feelings for my best friends, and he lost it.” Your fingers clench around each other,“ he told me my feelings were wrong, that it was disgusting-”

You don’t have to continue because they know. 

What they heard going into your house makes sense now. He was shouting about them. 

You have feelings for them.

The warmth of the arms that surround you make more tears splash down to your hands. Hands that are pulled apart and encased in the warmth of Natasha’s hands. 

She shares a look with the younger girl behind you, who’s arms hold you close.

Both of them dreamt of this moment. Dreamt of you confessing your feelings to them but they hate that it came about this way. And while there is nothing they can do about what has already happened, they can ensure that it never does again. At their hands or anyone else’s.

“You’re safe with us,” Wanda whispers into your ear, body hugging you closer as her chin rests on your shoulder,“ we love you.” 

“And we will never, ever hurt you.” Natasha adds, moving to sit at your side to wrap her arms around you and Wanda. 

Despite the events of a mere few hours ago, you feel safe, you feel at home, all because you’re in their arms. 

* * * * * *

taglist: @trikruismybitch

[assclass-headcanons]

OC fever

I feel like i am spamming about my oc at this point but i promise this is the last one for today maybe even the whole week. ((we can only hope)) Srry for such a long post but its the last so i have to make the most of it

Name- Jasmine Thompson Nicknames- Jassy, Jasminius, Jasminder, Yamine, Jas, Jamin Age- 14/15 Code Name- Subspecies Blood Type - A Gender- Female Orientation- Pansexual

Persona (Get ready for torture people): Gets super flustered, nervous and excited easily not to mention she has a short attention span. Forgets stuff in the moment and overexaggerates a ton. When under pressure she blanks out, she also does it while thinking which results in ignoring what someone is saying. Jasmine gets distracted almost all the time, sometimes when she doesn’t know what the person is talking about or just because. Her short temper can cause some conflicts and tensions but she tries to behave infront of superiors. Ya two faced child. When annoyed she can cut people off when talking and hates when someone pesters her to do something. But she means well, and will comply to the needs of others. Her good behaviour slips at times resulting in some huge mistake that gets her into trouble. The brunette is super affectionate and energetic, however, she has a sneaky side it just has not developed to be threatening in any way- just teasing. Unconciously plays with her hair around people she has a crush on but cannot ask them out for the life of her. When nervous plays with her right earring and when concentrating she bites her lip or the tip of her pencil. Has a habit of fidgeting, talking loudly and writing things down in a notebook to discharge energy. Constantly looks around when bored or trying not to capture attention. She can mess up her words often and is pretty unpredictable. Is a little bit of a crybaby when someone hits her weakness. If she makes a big mistake or hurts someones feelings she becomes pretty guilty and can’t gather the courage to talk to them. She is rather unpleasant when in a bad mood, ignorant, cold, arrogant, complainer and sarcastic. Jasmine’s determination and inpiration is a spur in the moment thing and if she puts it off till later she won’t be willing to do it. Gets jealous when not included in things or if someone knows more about her passion than herself. Can be a hypocrite when it is about bragging. She can keep a secret but she may tease them about it. Enjoys shipping people and has a high tolerance for pain. Always checks her height since she hates being short. Has a 90 percent chance of failing something if she is overconfident. Complains when she is lazy, especially if the girl is hungry only problem is she is not good with Home Ec.

Skills: Writing, singing, fighting, weaponry, acting. Strategy/Planning- 4/6 Communicating/Leadership- 2/6 Execution- 3/6 Technique- 6/6 Scouting/ Intelligence garthering- 5/6 Negotiation- 2/6 Physical Strength- 5/6 Mobility- 3/6 Close rangs- 5/6 Long Range- 2/6 Stamina- 2/6

-wants to become a psychologist -if you want to give her a present that she will love get her stuffies, pillows or blankets. Something to cuddle. Or a free cuddle session she would like that -always uses defense because she does not believe in her mma skills -adores the colour purple and mint desserts -loves snakes, so if Nagisa were to attack her she would be ok. Height intimidates her though so someone like Karma or Terasaka could scare her. - her secret talent is disguised flirting and dancing - maybe if she was more confident, she could be better at assassination: she may grow in that way through the year. participate more in the plans. - you know how they had ranks for best at knife skills and stuff? she made one for cuddling. And Koro-senei put it in the report cards. -since she has no siblings, Jasmine heavily relies on her friends to make her not feel so lonely.

NO I DON’T MIND THE OC SPAM AT ALL!! I love hearing about your OCs, they’re all so great ;v;

[joylessholland]

A Journey To Somewhere (Part 1/?

(1,294 words)

Warnings: Swearing, Alcohol, Bad Writing (JK lol)

A/N: IM SO NEW TO WRITING AND POSTING IT! I hope anyone who does reads this likes it! I dont even know where to go with this i could make it into anything really a fan fiction, a fantasy story, a romance. The main character in my mind looks the the actress Emmy Rossum, and the love interest is gonna look like Tom Holland so i guess it could be a fan fic i’ll shut up now

Plz let me know what you think

Cold. You were cold. Your father jut died and all you could think was how cold you were. You were snapped into reality when your mother grabbed you into a warm embrace. You were in a room all too familiar to you, White walls, ceiling, and floor. There he lay on his back, eyes closed. The world around you froze and you exhaled sharply. Cry damn it, fucking cry your father just died and you weren’t crying. The sound of your heart beat was all you could hear and then the world moved. Your mother sat next to you, her arms wrapped around you and your brother. Her sobs filled the air. She whispered your name making you look “Sasha, Sasha baby” you stood putting your hand to your forehead you exhaled sharply “Sasha, are you ok honey” your aunt breathed through tears. “I-I need a min-minute” you said your voice breaking as you walked to the door “Sasha, please stay” your mom said her sobs getting stronger and louder your brother grabbed her and pulled her to his chest as she wailed “Its ok” he looked at you and nodded softly as you left.

             The hallway was bright. You could hear a long ringing in your ear, nurses and doctors walked the halls. Bathroom, you needed to get to the bathroom you had to be alone. You ran through the halls till you found the ladies room you locked yourself inside. Back to the wall you took a deep breath closed your eyes and screamed. The tears fell fast and hot all you could do was cry and try to remember to breath, your body shook as you sobbed, your body fell to the floor and the wailed. When the crying stopped you stood and assessed the damage in the mirror. Your black hair was frizzy from running your wet hands through it, your eye were blood shot and your lips had swelled. You took deep breathes and you splashed water on you face. You tried your best to calm your hair and when you finally gave up you went to open the door, but you couldn’t your hand was on the knob and you just couldn’t turn it. In the bathroom you were safe you were alone, out there you would have to deal with the world and you didn’t know if you could and then you turned the knob. You took a deep breath as a quiet voice said you name “Sash” it was Liam your older brother he stood against the wall. “I Jus-just need to...” you couldn’t even finish the sentence before more tear started to fall not as violently as the time before, Liam pulled you into a hug as he started to quietly cry into your hair. He was tall and muscular, he was the star football player and acted real tough around everyone but you, he was just a big softy. “Is mom mad at me” you said into his chest. “No, she gets it. You needed a minute, We all have our ways” he said smoothing your hair. “We should get back” you said pulling him along ��Yup” he said with a sigh.

             Liam led you to small room where your family was meeting with some hospital personnel, your fathers doctor and a woman in a blue skirt suit. You took the empty seat next to you mother and Liam stood at her side a hand on her shoulder. You grabbed you mother hand as the doctor got up and expressed his sorrow for your loss, he whispered in the woman’s ear and exited the room. I’m Wendy Shang, I’ll be handlining the funeral and everything else like grief counseling.” You looked at the woman across from you, this was her job to put on a happy face and say everything was going to be ok. She did her job well a smile was plastered on her Asian features as she handed pamphlets to your aunt and mother when she offered you one you waved it off. The meeting was two and a half hours of pure boredom, when it ended you gathered your father’s thing from his room and went home. The apartment was quiet for a long time as your family gathered in the living room. You look around at the sad faces of your family, Your mother sat in your father recliner wearing one of his sweaters, your Aunt Maxine, your fathers sister sat next to her young son on the couch, Your grandma sat on the couch next to them holding her rosery whispering prayers, Liam sat on the couch close to your mother biting his thumb and tapping his leg, you sat on the floor legs crossed staring up into space. When you mother finally broke the silence you jumped, “I need a fucking drink” she said getting up and heading to the kitchen. A breathy laugh escaped you aunt lips “Come on Cookie, let’s get you to bed!” she said standing and taking your baby cousin Jack to bed, he was only three he didn’t need to see your mom sad, and drunk. She came back as you mom walked back into the room with full bottle of Jim Beam bourbon no glasses just bourbon. A laugh sounded as your aunt saw the bottle “Eddy’s favorite” she said you mother moved Liam you the recliner as she sat with the adults, she opened the bottle held it to the sky and toasted “To you my love” then she tipped her head back and took a swig handing it off to Maxine she toaster and offered it to your Gram “What the heck” her German accent thick as she grabbed the bottle and took a long swig “Get it Grams” you said with a chuckle she smiled through the burn of the alcohol cursing in German before handing the bottle to your mother. She looked down at the bottle and then to you and your brother “I think you two deserve a drink after what you’ve gone through” She said handing the bottle to Liam “Hell… sorry Grams, Heck yeah” he said taking a swig riding through the burn like a pro because he was that wasn’t his first drink and everyone knew it. He passed you the bottle, you excepted it with sad smile. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to Honey” your mother said with a smile “Don’t be weak.” Your Grandmother said “Grams!” you gasped taking a swig of the bourbon, the liquid was cool at first but it burned as it went down your throat, your lips went numb for a moment as your eyes teared “Shit” you said as cheers erupted Liam’s hand grabbed the bottle from your grasp as he congratulated you. “I love you guys” you said and you stood “are you going to bed Liebe” Grams said “Yes Grams.” You said as you went around the room you kissed you mother, aunt, and grandmother on the cheeks and ruffling your brother hair.

             You stood in your room back to the door letting out a sigh. You went and sat on your bed unlocking you phone you sent a text to your best friend telling her what happened.  Getting ready for bed your phone pinged looking at the text from you friend Katy ‘I’m so srry Sash we should hang tomorrow love you babe ttyl’ ‘thx we should hang see u tomorrow’. You clicked your phone off and plugged it onto the charger, turning off your lamp you lay in the dark eyes wide open heart beating fast you felt tears brim in your eyes, you closed them and swallowed the lump in your throat and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Hope you enjoyed! Let me know if i should post more! Special thx to @midtownvaledictorian for all your help and inspiration

Part 2

[lux--nova]

Bip bop it's the snurt stop (answer all the questions or shoku dies)

Shokus essentially dead to me anyway bc like is he even part of the story anymore?? But I'll do the asks anyway thanks snort💎Lavender: Name something that relaxes you.The rain💎Polaroid: Post a picture that makes you feel good about yourself.I'll post one if I remember after I'm done answering all these 💎Vinyl: What is some of your favorite music?I don't have favorite music bc I listen to different stuff like every week but rn I'm digging chill music like the Japanese house, john bellion, misterwives, and whatever Spotify has for me in my daily mix or w/e. Also I've been listening to willow smith 💎Incense: List your three favorite scents.Vanilla, rain, and baked goods like cookies or brownies when they're still in the oven but basically done, also srry I'm doing 4 but fires like bonfires or like when someone nearby has a fireplace going💎Roots: How do you ground yourself or recharge?Idk usually I just suffer but like I take naps or take a shower or hang out w friends 💎Silk Sheets: Any ways you treat or spoil yourself?Usually letting myself eat like shit or avoid responsibilities and watch shows and bein like it's okay treat yo self 💎Paintbrushes: Do you have a creative past-time?I love painting but I don't do it enough 💎Scars: Share something difficult you've been throughThis ones kinda personal I don't wanna like spill my whole life so uh idk times were rough before my parents split 💎Rainstorms: What helps you fall asleep?I'm tired all the time so I don't rlly need help falling asleep like I just need darkness and a warm blanket 💎Bones: Name one strength and one weakness.Strength: I'm funny & I like to think I'm overall optimistic?? weakness: I procrastinate on like everything 💎Teacups: Favorite beverages?Water & sweet tea 💎Sealing Wax: Have you ever received a letter or written one to someone else?I receive letters from my childhood best friend sometimes and I recently wrote a letter to a big nerd 💎Dragons: What makes you feel powerful, what breathes life into you?Fuck uh I'm not sure. I felt powerful back when I did guard but I don't do that anymore so idk I haven't felt powerful for a while. I guess I feel the most full of life when I'm with my friends like out & about usually at night like those kinds of moments make me feel rlly alive if that makes sense 💎Soup: Comfort food?Mac & cheese 💎The Moon: What's your favorite thing to do at night?Stay up too late and enjoy the silence and the calm of the world being asleep around me and like look at the stars & moon and just like be outside in general 💎Klosh: If you could go back to any three era's what would they be?Idk history's always been pretty shitty but like probably at some point in Egypt and like the Greek empire would be cool too & the Victorian era I guess like for the aesthetic as long as I was rich tho bc history is always shitty to poor ppl💎Lace: Your favorite things to wear?I love wearing hoodies & black pants like that would prob be my outfit if I was a cartoon character 💎Pocketwatch: If you could be immortal or have an extremely long life span what would you pick and why?Extremely long life span I literally can't imagine living in earth forever I'd rather just live a hella long time but know I'm gonna die 💎Honeybee: Name something positive you have done for yourself or someone else in the last two weeks.I've been trying to work out more and I've been trying to take baby steps to like just getting shit done and stop feeling sorry for myself and just do shit. Today wasn't the best day for that but I still did get some things accomplished which was good 💎Typewriter: If you had to come up with ten words to describe your life story so far, what would they be?💎Blue Hair Dye: One thing you like about your appearance?I love my septum piercing & I like my face generally like as a whole most of the time 💎Felines: Something that makes you feel better after a hard day?Taking a nap 💎Poetry: If you have one, name a favorite book or poem.I'm not sure I don't rlly have one :-/

[twentyonephandomsjksuperluv-blog]

this prolly means nothing srry if it takes up too much of your screen

This is basically how I threw away my razors, some stuff from me, and me explaining a bunch or insanely inspiring quotes for yall i have horrible grammar ajfja So my mom cleaned my room while I was at school, but she decided to leave me to fix my closet. She told me a million reason why she’d appreciate it if I cleaned and made me feel sorry for her, then she left. I sat in my closet, crying because I needed distractions from my brain, but she took my laptop, so I decided to begin cleaning. I picked up a blanket, and I saw a razor glistening in the light, and I started to panic so I stared at it, I was too scared to touch it. So really quickly, I threw it out the closet door and just sat there staring at it, I was just scared and staring. I picked it up, and my hand just basically put it to the hole in my jeans, my brain was focused on my skin, my fingers lengthening my skin so it’d be easier, I realised it was getting close, so I threw it back. And I was just basically insanely scared; I told myself that this is horrible and I shouldn’t be scared of myself, so I told myself I was going to throw it away. But I told myself I was going to need it again. But I told myself, ‘no you probably won’t’ But I told myself, ‘what if you dooooo thoo’    ‘you might need it in a month maybe’     ‘maybe you need it right now’     ‘you probably won’t ever do it again tho, but just in case.’    ‘no you aren’t goi-’     ‘but jusT IN CASE I SAID!!!’    ‘NO YOU AREN’T EVER GOING TO NEED IT AGAIN YOU MENTALLY DISEASED SMOL BEAN’     And so I sat there basically repeating all these words in my brain, and I decided I was nEVER going to need them again. Not maybe. I won’t. So, my triggered bum decided to fight it, and get out my black box with my razors and other stuff just in case my mom opens it or my sis or whatever, and I opened it, immediately closed it and threw it. In a few minutes of telling myself those words again, I went downstairs, got some tissues, came back up, put the blades in the palm of my hand, covered them up with the various tissues I had, turned the tissue into a ball, ran downstairs, and I’d like to say I easily threw them away, but I was slightly hesitant, so I decided I was just not going to think, and I shoved them in the trash.  I ran upstairs and was just proud of myself while cleaning my closet. -I-don’t-wanna-cut-myself-ever-again- I am nOT going to cut myself ever again. I mean, if I wanna get better, I gotta try.and I know it’s very hard for some people to try, but you gotta do something.  If you have a “friend” that makes fun of you and uses you and steals your stuff and humiliates you when you say no, but constantly tells you she is your friend, she is not. GET RID OF HER. And you may think, ‘but shes the only person I have!!’ NO. YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON YOU HAVE. AND SHE IS TRYING TO BEAT THAT PERSON TO THE GROUND AND MAKE YOU HATE YOURSELF, AND MAKE FUN OF YOURSELF, and basically do everything and more to you until, you feel like you are the most toxic person in your life. NO. You should never have to be afraid of yourself. If dancing makes you happy, dance silently in your room. If having the curtains open makes you feel an emotion diffrent from the usual, open them halfway. If you are so weak you don’t wanna try anymore, just get out of your bed every once in a while and walk a lap around your room. If there’s a person in your life that you want to stick around, but are scared of them not wanting you, ask them questions. If playing with a bouncy ball makes you forget your worries, play with it. If somebody calls you something you know you aren’t, or it shouldn’t be a problem to them at all, Its like being chubby but still being called straight up FAT. You can either choose to let that effect you, maybe get a disorder, cry every night, miss out on food, miss out on life, excetra excetra, or you can choose to say, ‘I’m not fat. I’m healthy, and I love myself, and the people who I love, and the people who love me, don’t care if I’m a bit chubby, then why should it matter to me anyways! They probably like the fact I can make myself happy by eating a doughnut every once in a while!” If you have a big mole, it shouldnt matter. If you have balding hair, it shouldn’t matter. If you are naturally skinny, it shouldn’t matter. “You are a human with one life and it is up to you to make it the best life you can.”-Daniel Howell “Do whatever it takes to be happy”- Daniel Howell  “Use your smile to change the world. Don’t let the world change your smile”.- Shane Dawson “Do what you do, do what makes you unique, do what makes you happy”-Sean McLaughlin “Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look past the imperfections”-Gerard Way “Push yourself to do new things, go out of your comfort zone. Just do things that you enjoy, things that you’ve always wanted to do”-Christian Novelli(?) “Pancakes”-Daniell Howell These quotes are insanely inspiring. You know why? Because you always say you can’t live like this forever, and thats right. THATS EXACTALY RIGHT. SO MAKE A CHANGE. If you cut, you are insanely stupid. But only because there are so many things you could be doing besides that. It seems like you cut if you have just given up on yourself. Its stupid because the scars could stay forever. You won’t be able to get jobs from shallow bosses, you will always feel insecure about them, shallow people won’t date you, and you’ll wear long sleves, and you won’t feel that safe with the sting and regret the next morning. EVEN IF It’s just trying on cute dresses you like and twirling in them, do WHATEVER IT TAKES TO BE HAPPY. IF black clothes make you feel like you are hiding, change them. IF looking into the stars makes you feel happy, it may be small, but its a change. DO IT. “You’ll never know where life is gunna take you. You’ll never know where your life is gunna go, but you’ll never figure out if you end it”-Shane Dawson “DO IT. JUST DO IT. DON’T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS.”-Shia Labeouf  Exactaly. Make your dreams be reality. If you want to say hi to somebody, do it. If you know you don’t reeaallly wanna cut, don’t. If you want to be in a band, but think it’ll never work out, why waste the opportunity? YOU ONLY HAVE ONE CHANCE AT LIFE. Don’t let it go to waste by cutting and letting your mind take you over. You are only the best at being yourself, don’t let this mental illness get its way. “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not”-Miles McKenna “I feel really happy as me and i wouldn’t change anything for the world”-Miles McKenna “Normalness leads to sadness”-Phil Lester “You’re all very beautiful for spacious skies, don’t let anyone think you’re not”-Joey Graceffa “Learn your weaknesses and fears, embrace them, and then nobody will be able to use them”-Sean McLaughlin “They laugh at me because I’m different, I laugh at them because they’re all the same”-Felix whatever the fluck his last name is (pewdiepie) “Be yourself. Don’t worry about what other people are thinking of you”-Phil Lester “I can’t tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone”-Ed Sheeran “I don’t wanna hate myself anymore”-Shane Dawson Don’t change yourself. People will criticise you your whole life because they don’t like one thing about you. Be yourself. I don’t care your religon, race, sexuality, identity, or even if you hate your chubby belly. BE YOURSELF AND DON’T LET ANYBODY TAKE THAT RIGHTTT AWAY FROM YOU!!!!! You’re unique. Thats amazing!! “Storms don’t last forever”-Sean McLaughlin “Everything is going to be alright. Maybe not today, maybe not tommorow, but eventually”-Sean McLaughlin “Treat depression as if its a storm. Yeah, it can get brutal and even scary, but if you hang on and keep fighting, the sunshine will come back. It always does.”-Greg Onision “Know this, you can start over each morning.”-Tyler Joseph “Sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind”-Tyler Joseph “Theres always a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dim it may seem”-Adam Dahlberg “Everything will be ok in the end. If it’s not okay, then it’s not the end”-Ed Sheeran (ok im getting emotional) “Broken crayons still color”-Mark Fischbach IT WILL GET BETTER for me and for you and even though we might be broken, If you strive for happiness and do “whatever it takes to be happy” you will eventually be happy, and even if you don’t wanna right now, might as well do the little things so it’ll be easier to go all out when you are ready. It’s sickening to me the fact that at times I AM SCARED OF MYSELF. I don’t want to keep living like this even though I at the same time want to go deeper into it so MAYBE somebody will care. But instead of wanting somebody to care, MAKE THEM CARE, not by going on a killing spree, but sharing your story and helping whoever it takes.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU ARE NOT. YOU ARE NOT. All the posts next to this useless one are people going through horrible things as well. It’s ok to cry. Its ok to close your eyes for a moment. It’s ok to have this illness, BUT it’s not to hate yourself for feeling it. SO TELL YOURSELF HOW AMAZING YOU ARE IF NOBODY ELSE WILL.  “Celebrate your minor victories no matter how small they are. It’s important.”-Daniel Howell  I CARE ABOUT ALL OF YOU AND you might be thinking, ‘how tf does she care about me she doesn’t even know my flucking name’ I care about you because you look at the news “20 ppl killed in car crash” you might think, “oh its only twenty”  no. ITS TWENTY UNIQUE LIVES THAT COULD’VE DONE ANYYTHING twenty unique lives that could’ve made others or evEN THEMSELVES happy twenty people that go on totally diffrent paths then the others. I love every one of you sufferers and ending your pRECIOUS LIFE means that one amazing beautiful person is now gone. They can’t do anything about it. Gone. And they’ll never be able to change anybodies lives, including their own, EVER AGAIN. Do this for yourself. Not me. I’m kinda young but I wanna change lives from early on because this REALLY SUCKS and if I can makes somebodies day happier, then thats amazing. I TRULY LOVE YOU ALL.