#squirrel toilet paper

[glassshine]

pick your fighter

[maidragoste]

Chapter One: The Reaping

The Hunger Games AU

Katniss!Jacaerys x Peeta!Reader (I labeled it that even though Jace's backstory is different from Katniss's but he and Reader will be the star-crossed lovers of district 12)

Chapter Two Chapter Three

I really hope you like it because I'm so excited to write this au!

Please let me know what you think in the comments, as always, likes and reblogs are appreciated too 💖💖

My inbox is open so I'm always willing to read your headcanons, opinions and answer your questions.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes.

Jacaerys entered the Victors' Village, not that he was a victor. In fact, his name had never come up in the reaping. But he and his brothers lived there since his uncle Larys took care of them after his father died in the middle of an explosion in the mines while working.

The teenager quickly quickened his pace while adjusting his grip on the only two squirrels he had brought from all the ones he had hunted during the morning with Baela, his best friend. He may not have needed to hunt for food anymore but he was one of the few people in District 12 who knew how to hunt. Some people had depended on bartering with his father to bring a plate of food to his table. His father would not have wanted him to leave those people abandoned, so every day he sneaks into the forest with Baela to look for deer, rabbits, squirrels, birds, fish, or any type of edible vegetable or fruit. He always gave the best goods to Baela, after all, she had more mouths to feed with her mother, her twin sister, and her two little brothers. But the rest he exchanged with the merchants or even sometimes he practically ended up giving away his merchandise due to the low price that he was willing to accept from the families that he knew did not have enough to eat to prevent them from ending up asking for more tesserae. Uncle Larys had never told him but Jacaerys knew that he thought he was a fool for doing that.

Jacaerys hated the silence in the village but it was no surprise considering that of the twelve houses there, the only house that was being inhabited was his uncle's. Of the seventy-three Hunger Games that have been held so far, there have only been two victors from District 12 and the only one still alive is Larys Strong.

Jace hurried into the house trying to ignore the heaviness in his stomach.

“I told you Luke would throw up again this year! You owe me!” was the first thing Joffrey, his youngest brother, said when he saw him.

Lucerys, or Luke as his dad had nicknamed him, was the middle brother, and every year he had the worst time during Repairing; which was the moment when the District escort went up to the podium and then took a random piece of paper from each glass urn, one containing the names of all the boys between twelve and eighteen years old and another with the names of the girls. This was how the tributes were chosen for each Hunger Games. Like any coherent person in District 12 Luke feared being chosen as a tribute and unlike Jacaerys he could not hide his fear.

“Take this to the kitchen,” the oldest of the brothers asked, handing the squirrels to Joffrey before running to the bathroom.

When Jacaerys entered he found Luke hunched over, holding the toilet bowl. Ignoring the smell of vomit he hurried to his brother's side and with one hand began to rub soothing circles on Luke's back while the other brushed the hair from his face. He doesn't know how many minutes they stayed like this until the youngest finally stopped vomiting.

"I'm sorry, Jace" Luke apologized with a broken voice and tears on his cheeks, clearly feeling ashamed for being in the same position for another year. "I really tried."

"Hey, you have nothing to apologize for," Jacaerys denied as he helped him up from the floor. "It's okay to be afraid. Only an idiot wouldn't be afraid."

"Joffrey is not afraid," the youngest murmured after cleaning his face.

Joffrey must have been the only thirteen-year-old in District 12 who wasn't horrified at the thought of his name coming up in the Reaping. Jacaerys believed it was because Joff thought he would be able to win the games just by being a relative of a victor. Also, of the three, Joff seemed to want Uncle Larys's validation and attention the most. In these three years living with him he had never told them that he loved them but Jace thought that he should at least care a little about them because otherwise he could have let the authorities take them to the community orphanage instead of taking care of them.

"I told you, an idiot," Jace said, managing to get a small laugh out of Lucerys. "Listen, Luke. Everything will be fine. You never asked for a tessera so your name is only on four pieces of paper."

In the first year when you started to be part of the Reaping, they put your name only once in the bowl. But every time you have a birthday they add another paper with your name on it. If you do not ask for any tessera then it is assumed that you will reach the age of eighteen with only seven papers.

Jacaerys always tried to reassure his brother, and also himself, saying that the chances of his name coming up were low compared to all the people who had to ask for tesserae to be able to eat.

"Lucerys, Jacaerys, start getting ready for the Reaping" Larys ordered from below. There was no need for him to shout as the house was silent.

"Take a bath, you stink" Jacaerys mocked, ruffling Lucerys's hair before leaving him in the bathroom.

"Happy Hunger Games! and may the odds be ever in your favor!" greeted Effie Trinket, the District 12 companion, with the same excitement as in previous years.

While Effie gives a speech about what an honor it is for her to be there as a companion, Jacaerys's eyes meet Baela's. She smiles at him and he struggles to return it. Baela is so brave, he doesn't know how she isn't trembling with fear knowing that her name is at least twenty times. Maybe in recent years she was no longer asking for tesserae but before Jacaerys moved in with his uncle she had.

"Ladies first!" said Effie announcing that it was time for the drawing. She approaches the urn with the girls' names and then reaches deep inside and takes out a piece of paper. You can feel the tension in the air and for a moment everyone seems to hold their breath until Effie opens the paper and I read it "Y/n Y/l!"

Shit. Jacaerys knew you. He had seen you more than once at the bakery when he went to buy or exchange his merchandise with your father. Not only that but you two share classes together at school. You weren't friends. But you were still there for his brothers when he was too devastated by the death of his father to care about anyone else. You were the one who stopped some idiots from bothering Luke at school, you were the one who helped Joffrey with his homework to prevent him from repeating a grade, and you, in the only conversation you ever shared, reminded him that he was important to the District, that his brothers needed him, that he could not abandon them, that his father would not have wanted to see him as a ghost in life, that he would have wanted him to help the people of the District.

Jace had to go say goodbye to you, his gratitude may be three years late but he needed to thank you for taking care of his brothers when he had failed them and remind him that he had a purpose.

Jacaerys watches you move towards the stage. Your posture is straight, your chin up and your steps are firm but he can see the uncertainty in your eyes. You still look pretty in your pink dress, it wasn't glamorous at all—no one in the district wears glamorous clothes—but in his eyes, you stood out. It's probably because, unlike other girls in the district, your clothes didn't hang off and your bones didn't show, you didn't look like someone who was malnourished.

Maybe with your beauty and if you had a good interview you could get lucky and captivate a sponsor, he thought. He hoped that this year his uncle would try even harder to bring home a winner.

Once you are on stage Effie asks for volunteers. Of course, no one offers.

“Now it's time to meet our male tribute!” Effie announces, rushing to the boys' urn and pulling out the first piece of paper she sees, “Lucerys Strong!”

This must be a nightmare, Jacaerys thought. They were supposed to be safe, they had never asked for tesserae. He was snapped out of his stupor by hearing Joffrey's desperate cries calling for Luke as his brother began to walk with fear and tears in his eyes to the stage. Jace didn't even think about it, he broke out of his formation and started running after Lucerys.

“I'm a volunteer!” he shouted when the peacekeepers grabbed him, wanting to take him away from Lucerys. “I volunteered as a tribute!” he repeated, standing up straight, once they released him.

"Magnificent!" Effie exclaimed, happy because there was finally some action in the District. "But you are supposed to present the winner of the reaping first and then ask for volunteers…"

"Just let him up," the mayor interrupted her sharply, clearly upset by the situation. He knew Jacaerys because he always bought strawberries from him and Baela.

“No, Jace!” Lucerys said with a trembling voice, still shaking her head. “You can't!”

“Go to Joffrey” the eldest brother ordered firmly, he wanted to hug Luke but he was afraid that if he did he would also start crying and he couldn't do it knowing that the cameras were filming everything. He couldn't appear weak. “Go,” he repeated, pushing him aside and heading to the stage without looking back.

Jacaerys' brown eyes meet yours and the heaviness in his stomach increases. He would have to kill you if he wanted to come home, you, the person who pushed him to move forward after her father's death. He had never thanked you and much less would he do so now knowing that in a few days, he may be the one who ended up killing you. Obviously, luck was not on his side but if you died he really hoped that it would be another of the tributes who would end up taking your life. If it became him and he managed to win the games, Jacaerys was sure that there would not be a day in which he would not think of you.

"Wonderful!" Effie exclaimed once the young man finished climbing the stairs. "What's your name?"

"Jacaerys Strong," he answered.

"I'll bet my shoes he was your brother. You didn't want him to steal your glory, did you?" The companion's smile disappeared before the furious looks of the victor and the tributes. "Good! Let's give a big round of applause to our new tribute!"

But no one applauds. The entire District demonstrates its disagreement with its silence. Not only that, but many people begin to bring the three middle fingers of their left hand to their lips and then point them at Jacaerys. He looks shocked as they give him that gesture. It was not a common thing to be used in the District but every once in a while, someone would do it during funerals. It was a gesture of giving thanks, of admiration, of farewell to a loved one. The same gesture they had made at his father's funeral. Jacaerys feels a lump form in his throat. He can't help but look at you, this was thanks to you, if you hadn't reminded him that the District needed him like they needed his dad then maybe he would have continued in silence staring into nothingness, living mechanically instead of starting to help people like his dad used to do.

The mayor begins to read the Treaty of Treason. Once he finishes he instructs you and Jace to shake hands. Jacaerys notices that your hand is a little smaller than his and he feels warm against hiss. You catch him off guard when you squeeze his hand as if to encourage him. He returns the gesture even though he knows he shouldn't, it wasn't the time to become friends.

Tag: @valeskafics @agqrtz

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[nejiverse]

ROCK PAPER SCISSORS FOOD!

Gojo Satoru

Currently thinking of if Gojo were to participate in the rock paper scissors food challege..

Omigosh he’s a menace.

Whenever he loses, he claims that he wasn’t ready and that you pulled paper 2 seconds after he pulled rock, which is cheating. (rules only work when he’s losing by the way).

When you finally force him to accept his defeat (which took ten years off your life), he doesn’t even run all the way to the back garden gate, which was the spot you two agreed to run to, he runs like half way and calls it a day. He’s a downright cheater.

When he wins, you might as well wrap it up. He is hoovering up as much food as he can…without even taking a sip of water or anything. You dont know how he does it but you plan on writing a formal apology to the toilet in the evening.

It goes something like this…

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”, you exclaimed.

Gojo gasped and pointed an accusing finger at you. “You dirty cheater!”, he voiced.

“Toru..”, you slapped your forehead. “I’m not a cheater, you just don’t know the rules of rock paper scissors. You go when I say shoot, not scissors”.

He pouted, still fully convinced that you cheated.

You two did it again and you won fair and square.

“On your horse babe!”, you let out a giggle at his defeat and Gojo groaned.

“I wasn’t ready—”.

“Start running or i’ll finish all the food”, you threatened, throwing a fry in your mouth.

Gojo deflated and started running, his legs dragging behind him. Once he did half of the run he was supposed to do, he turned back.

You threw a final nugget in your mouth before facing him to do another round.

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!”, this time Gojo won, and best believe he flaunted his victory in your face like a child.

You rolled your eyes and started running. Meanwhile, Gojo started scarfing down all the food, starting with a couple burgers and finishing with two fist fulls of fries among other things.

Once you finished your run, your jaw dropped open.

With his cheeks full like a squirrel with its nuts, he raised a brow.

“Wha??”, his words came out muffled.

“You’re such a fat ass Toru”, you responded, eying the remnants he left (mostly crumbs).

“You’re just saying that cause you lost”, he swallowed his food, noticing your lowkey disappointed face. He kinda felt bad even though you’ve killed him with your insult.

“Alright, i’ll buy you food, whatever you want”, he offered. “Even if it must be that expensive sushi you insist on trying”.

Your eyes brightened as you willingly took him up on his offer, but not before insulting him first.

“Thanks big back, you’re probably gonna eat that too”, you huffed.

“That was NOT needed!”.

a/n: can ya’ll tell I love bullying Gojo?

masterlist :)

[just-jordie-things]

MOREE headcannons for choso i really do love your other headcannons! heh

hell yes i love how open this is i'm gonna give ya such a random smattering of choso headcanons <3 tagging @delzinrowe bc it's choso and we talk abt him a lot so some of the credit for this has to go to her <3 ___

choso is a bit of a menace at the grocery store, but he doesn't mean to be. he's intrigued by all the packaging of different snacks and drinks- sometimes just regular products too like tissue boxes or toilet paper rolls. it often takes a couple hours to get the shopping done with him in tow. he's drawn in like a child to a candy bar!! if something is packaged in bright colors, expect to have to tell him what the product is, because he's gonna be interested in it.

i think he'd hate carbonated drinks. i think the bubbles would be a shock to his system ((did he even drink water before he met you??)) but i think he'd LOVE flavored milk. chocolate and strawberry. picturing choso casually having a lil carton of milk in his hand makes me soft. he'd go to yuji as soon as you introduce him to the wonderful beverage to see if his brother had ever tried such a delicious treat.

choso's always touching you. he doesn't know what pda is, but he's very into it... in an oblivious way. if he's not holding your hand, then his arm is around you. if you're sitting together he prefers to have you on his lap, but tucked into his side and under his arm is the next best thing. and he'll kiss you, anywhere, anytime. standing in line at the bank? the sunlight caught your eyes just right and he was just overwhelmed with the urge to cup your face and kiss you so longingly one could assume you were lovers reunited after years apart... but no, you've just been in this line together for fifteen minutes. you could tell him there's a time and place for such acts of passion but... whew you gotta catch your breath first, don't you??

he's always catching lil critters to show you. he noticed you liked to point out when there's a squirrel crossing the street, or a lady bug on the windowsill, so he notes that little creatures are some of your favorites. now on walks he keeps an eye out for any critter to present you with. he's caught all sorts of things with ease and surprising gentleness- despite being a massive hunk of muscle. he's managed to catch (and later release, of course) rabbits, squirrels, chipmunks, toads, a couple of turtles, possums, even street rats. as well as bugs- just about any bug he sees. some are more exciting than others, the dragonflies, the ladybugs, rollie pollies, caterpillars, snails.... you could probably do without the roaches and big spiders, but you try not to show your squeamish side as you thank him for showing you and politely ask him to put it back on the ground <3

choso pouts if you don't shower with him. bc why wouldn't you? he got the water to the temperature you like... what, is he supposed to shampoo his own hair?? are you mad at him??

choso is quickly becoming a favorite of mine i'm sorry gojo but i have to cope somehow

[kangals]

Kep report card for month 5! I can’t believe he’s already been here for that long that is insane to me. he’s a fetus.

food (drive, appetite, sensitivity): 🟢  only food he won’t eat so far is pickles

leash walking: 🟡/🟢 a little bit pull-y especially on walks with both dogs, he does chill out eventually after enough reminders. just one of those things that need to be worked on regularly while he grows.

sleeping: 🟢 - sleeps great overnight and during work hours. is a maniac from 5-10pm, but i'll take that tbh.

crating: 🟢 - i think we've conquered the crate issues! been using it a lot with the hot weather and when i check on him he's not always sleeping soundly but if he is awake he's not panting or barking or seeming stressed, just a bit bored. he's not ever going to be a dog that voluntarily naps in a crate, but he doesn't tantrum and that's all i need,

potty training: 🟢/🟡 tentatively - tentatively - i think he's doing really well. hasn't had an accident indoors in over a month. i'm not willing to call him fully housebroken just yet, but if he goes another month without accidents i think we can!

general training: 🟢 clever boy, starting a new class this week too

manners: 🟡 jumps on people and steals things (his bloodlust for toilet paper is staggering), but nothing unmanageable

grooming: 🟢/🟡 pretty good, still wiggly about brushing but i'll wear him down eventually

cars: 🟢 /🟡 good at riding in the car, but has started the annoying habit of barking at ppl/dogs that walk past the car which i hate and we're working on.

outings/socialization: 🟢 havent been able to do much with the heat, but likes adventures. did great overnight at my parents' house!

other dogs: 🟢 really good, he's a doofy puppy but he's good at taking corrections without taking offense.

other people: 🟢 FRIEND. FRIEND KEPPY.

small animals: 🟢 /🟡 i hesitate to give him a yellow here, he's really good with cats, but he's becoming a bit obsessive about chasing squirrels/rabbits/birds a bit lately. i don't think its problematic, assuming it doesnt escalate.

puberty: 🟢 he's not really showing any bad behaviors yet, only thing i can see is that he pees 5-6 times on walks instead of just once. has lifted his leg like twice.

no reds this month! he really does have a great personality, he's a nice mix of active and smart + easy companion. which is how a collie should be! it helps that he's not nearly as vocal or independent as stellina was at this age, even if he is a bit more opinionated in other ways. he's either going to be a super good dog forever, or adolesence is going to hit him like a freight train at some point, idk. we'll see!

[octoberautumnbox]

Do you have any adult, non-sexual related fantasies involving K-pop idols?

hi anon! thats quite a venn diagram of a concept u've put me up to LMAO

~~~

The door shuts behind you with a satisfying click, and both you and Yuri make your way to the car. Leaving the porch exposes you both to the early Saturday sun, and the crisp morning breeze fills your lungs and spreads through your body like some sort of infectious positivity.

You buckle in, same as she does, and the key goes into the ignition before the car hums to life. All systems go: gear in reverse, steering wheel primed, your hand on the brake, when all of a sudden, Yuri chimes in with, "Can I see the list again?"

It stops you in your tracks, "Don't you have it?" as your thumb lingers over the button that releases the brake. "No, you took it off the fridge door, next to the keys."

"Why would my keys be on the fridge door?"

~~~

You're off, admittedly, five minutes and a trip to the kitchen and back later than you should have. Yuri pulls down the sun visor as the light gets harsher, brighter, and returns her attention to her phone to sort out her other plans for the day.

"So tailor first, for the kids' uniforms," she lists out loud, "save the cash for the grocery store. I'm paying with my card." She taps a few buttons and continues, "Then we do groceries? Is that right?"

"No, we're getting ice cream. Market first." Your eyes are focused on the road, taking advantage of the quietness of the hour to drive wide around any squirrels that have yet to get off the asphalt.

"Okay, so we get ground pork and veggies," she mutters as she rearranges her notes. "And then we also need toilet paper." She continues out loud for a few more minutes, adjusting her to-do list as she goes, and you chime in when needed or when you feel she starts getting overwhelmed.

"Is it a hard no on the succulents?" The stoplight glows red as the display beneath it counts down from 90. You look over and find her glancing back at you, and what little you can see on her screen shows you this is the last thing on her list.

"You know what, sure. As long as you can find space for it." A well-placed hand on her head puts a smile on her face, and she turns back to her phone and types a few last things out.

~~~

The grocery bags thump and crinkle onto the countertop, "Careful of the eggs, Dad," she calls from the other room, and you go through the motion of wiping imaginary sweat from your brow. Pull out the contents of each and lay them out: eggs, meats, vegetables, snacks, cups of ramyeon, toilet paper, laundry detergents, what have you.

"Good morning, Dad," your little girl mumbles from the doorway. "Morning, Chief. Take a seat," you reply, still focused on sorting out your various items. She makes her way over to the stool on the other side of the counter, rubbing the sleep out her eyes, and as she settles onto the seat, she lets out a yawn.

"Haejoon was telling me about his dream," she says, "about playing his computer game against spiders that were cheating."

"Sounds wild. Your brother can be weird like that, huh?"

"Yeah, really weird." She yawns again and rests her head on the cool tile of the countertop.

~~~

You finally pull your son's arms through the holes in his uniform. "You're gonna have to button these yourself, Champ."

"But Mom buttons Haein's for her!"

"It's because I'm younger," his sister teases, a pompous grin on her lips.

"Only by a couple minutes!"

"Settle down, you two," Yuri interrupts, perfectly timed and exactly as loud as she needs to be. "Haein, do your own buttons," Your wife's voice is loving but firm, and her daughter lets out a whine, but ultimately she does them anyway.

The two finish putting on their uniforms, and after a couple twirls to show you how they fit, both you and Yuri clap before carefully taking them off again, trying not to crease them.

~~~

With the twins fast asleep, you turn off the light behind you and shut their bedroom door. You take careful steps down the not-so-well lit stairs, remind yourself to get lights for these sometime, and join your wife on the couch.

"Is Notting Hill okay?" she asks. The cursor hovers over the movie, and the synopsis fades into the screen. She hands you a spoon and offers you the bowl of rocky road and double dutch, and you watch as her eyes scan across the tiny words.

"Sure. Are you in the mood to cry?" You take a spoonful of ice cream, and immediately the fatigue of the day disappears.

"Eh, why not. I have you here, anyway," Yuri says, and she presses the button. The screen dims and buffers, and the movie starts.

You feel a little tug and a snuggle on your sleeve, so you bring your arm around her. Plant a kiss on her hair, and watch as she brings a marshmallow to her lips. The Universal Pictures splash reflects in her eyes, and at that moment you do two things: first, brace yourself for when the tears come, and second, thank your lucky stars it's you that gets to sit here with her.

~~~

[etraytin]

News from the Hurricane

Still in Charlotte but the deliveries from Amazon are starting to roll in, giving us supplies we will need to go back in the next couple days. We now have a portable toilet, a solar panel for our large power bank, and a safety gas can that will let me carry and store five gallons of gas without freaking out about it constantly. I also got bath wipes and those shower caps they use in hospital for waterless hair washing, plus more paper plates and plastic cutlery. Most importantly, I sank just an obscene amount of money into a legit battery pack for my CPAP, one that is supposed to last for 4-6 nights per charge rather than one night per charge like the power bank.

Being in Charlotte is comparatively great, we are staying with family and they have a guest room so we have privacy, lights, air conditioning, toilets and showers. I don't forget for a minute how lucky we are. It has still been kind of rough at times, sometime in weird ways. I came right to the edge of a mini-breakdown in Walmart yesterday, trying to stock up on things that were not available, trying to decide what was important enough to add to our very limited car space, wondering what things are going to be like when we get back and what I'm going to be kicking myself for forgetting. And around me everyone else was just shopping like normal, of course, because life is normal here. It was a little like being in a dream where I knew I had to get ready for something important and scary but nobody else around me understood anything was happening and whenever I tried to find something it wasn't there. I ended up cutting my trip short and sitting in the car to decompress with emergency candy and some texts with my best friend, talking me down from hundreds of miles away.

It finally occurred to me last night that now that we have a gas can, whole new horizons of supply-getting have opened up for us. If we take that gas can back and I put it in the minivan, I can easily make it back to Charlotte, or to Greenville, or several other places depending on which roads are open. We can get more stuff, it's just a little more complicated right now. It was enough to calm my rabid squirrel brain down and let me relax, at least. Things are going to be okay. The power will not be off forever. Heck, once we get the power back on we will be able to help the folks on city water who need to wait for the treatment plants to be repaired before they get water.

Oh, and my dad talked me out of buying the last gas-powered chainsaw at Lowes just because I thought I ought to have a chainsaw and this was the LAST ONE. I think I probably owe him one for that. Sure I had some vague idea of helping with a chainsaw crew, but I don't even know how to use a chainsaw. I know how to run a shelter and do mass-care feeding and drive an emergency response vehicle, why on earth would I try and help out with a chainsaw instead?

On the actual news front, our family in Spruce Pine is safe and sitting pretty on generator power, just completely cut off. My 101 year old client is safe too, taken out of town by his adult kids as soon as the roads opened up. And I heard from our neighbor this morning, there is cell service in our neighborhood, patchy and poor but real! Things really are looking up.

[bucketspammer4life]

The boxers during halloween

(sees christmas decorations being put up) HALLOWEEN. HALLOWEEN!!! HALLOWEEN!!!

Glass Joe

- has a vampire costume and is giving out candy himself since "hes too old for all of this"

- buys those big family size packages of candy to give out, he likes them because he can snack on candy when halloween ends

- purposefully calls obvious costumes dumb stuff to get reactions out of people

- "oh yeah did you dress up as my moms curtains??"

- "IM A GHOST AND YOU ARE FRENCH!!"

- drinks a glass of tomato juice with his costume for extra realism

Von Kaiser

- He dressed up as the frankensteins monster, only for his students to dress up as him

- He gives out raisins and toothbrushes for halloween along with fruit (NOOO!!)

- does scary roaring sounds to scare people, only to get laughed at, thats what you get for giving out healthy food during halloween

- tries telling scary stories and gives up halfway through

Disco Kid

- dressed up as a fully functional disco ball (functional almost autocorrected to father LMAOO)

- goes out trick or treating himself but gets bored

- watching bad quality horror movies with Mac to laugh at them

- helps the kaisers students toilet paper his house for fun

- carving pumpkins with the others

King Hippo

- dressed up as a Hippo (how creative of you)

- does trick or treating with Disco kid, after disco got bored he went all out on his own and got a lot of candy

- He ate the pumpkin he was supposed to carve, no remains left, also totally unrelated: has anyone seen Joe's pumpkin carving knife?? That he was supposed to carve pumpkins with??

- his dentist will not be happy

Piston Hondo

- dressed up in sailor moon cosplay, rocking it as he should

- is the one giving out candy because imagine if a famous boxer dressed up as sailor moon came to your house for candy,seems like a fever dream

- helping Kaiser un-tp his house

- attempting to call bloody mary for the 10th time, She probably blocked your number already leave her before she gets a restraining order please

- sad that he has no one to match with

Bear Hugger

- dressed up as the lorax, matching with someone else as the greedler (im not spoiling it shut up) the squirrel is joining them dressed up as those bear things in the movie

- giving out entire bottles of maple syrup during halloween, people dont exactly hate it but its kind of a jumpscare seeing someone dressed up as a maple tree hand you maple syrup

- tried to sit on a pumpkin, only to break it instantly

- people keep assuming he dressed up as a Cheeto puff

Great Tiger

- dressed up as a fairy princess, yes hes a fairy, yes hes a princess and no he will not share his magic with you, jealous ass

- using his flying to his advantage by flying around with fairy wings on

- throwing "fairy dust" (glitter) around, people keep finding glitter in their food, costumes, socks and basically everywhere

Don Flamenco

- who'd you think was matching bear hugger? hes dressed up as the greedler and rocking it, how bad can he be anyways?

- loses 10 years from his life eveytime someone doesnt notice the refs he makes to the movie

- if anyone actually gets the ref he'll break out into song like hes in a musical (a punch out musical would go hard actually)

Aran Ryan

- a demon witch, matching with great tiger and also throwing "evil dust" (Hot pepper flakes) around, aran i think youre just assaulting people

- robbed Kaiser from his actual candy he hid away

- evil cackling as he attempts to fly on his broomstick, only to fall on his ass

- chasing Joe with the carving knife

Soda Popinski

- a fridge, he deadass just wore a entire fridge with soda in it

- pulling out random stuff from the fridge and handing out to people, Water? Drink up, tomatos? Here you go!!

- keeps getting stared at but in a good way

Bald Bull

- hes just in a bull onesie because he lost a bet, embarrased but he finds it comfy secretly, fell asleep in it at some point

- people keep calling him a cow and its driving him crazy

- "moo"

- "IM A BULL GOD FUCKING DAMN YOU ALL BLIND ASS BITCHES"

- watching movies and falling asleep

- carved a pumpkin with Joe and ended up laughing at it with him for 10 minutes

Super Macho Man

- himself, hes not giving out any free shout outs today

- fuck you super macho man

- carved himself into a pumpkin

- He cant keep getting away with this

Mr Sandman

- dressed up as a mummy since he didnt have enough time to think about it

- hes the only one who can actually scare people with and without his costume

- tried to put a pumpkin on his head, sad because it didnt fit

Extra

- kaisers students did the trenchcoat gag, dressef up as him and tried to buy a car with 10 dollars and a dance performance

- mrs bear dressed up as a princess and did her make up, looks stunning

- carmen dressed up as a flamingo

- soda has to pay back that fridge now

[deathbecomesthem]

Gunshy - EIG Chapter 6 | 3.8K

Record shop Eddie Munson x AFAB Reader

Warnings: Period typical homophobia, sexism, yearning, smut. The Reader is being stalked, not by Eddie. Parental drug abuse.

A/N: A panic attack, comfort. Some very sweet sweetness between the reader and Eddie. A couple of paragraphs inside the mind of our stalker that may be disturbing for some folks.

A/N 2: I really thought this chapter had been uploaded to Tumblr already, but I can't find it. It's been on AO3 for some time. I'm working on a new chapter right now, so I decided to make sure we're up to date here also.

---

You shrink yourself down that first day. You walk on the balls of your feet. You slowly close doors. You shower quickly. You do every dish you see sitting on the counter when you pass through the kitchen, and sweep the floors while you’re at it. If there’s one thing that your mother impressed upon you in your youth, it was that going unnoticed is a virtue. You can’t be a bother if you do everything just right, and you don’t want Eddie to be bothered by you.

The toilet paper is low in the bathroom. There’s none in the spot under the sink where you keep your own. There’s none in the small closet next to the bathroom door. Eddie’s in the kitchen, you can hear a cabinet open and close. A small beep - probably the coffee pot - and shuffling steps. You bite your lip and consider asking him if he has more toilet paper squirreled away somewhere, and decide against it. You’ll run down the street and pick some up.

You know you can’t get past Eddie without him seeing you, but you stoop lower and put your head down. You have the day off, but you’ve been up for hours. Eddie’s just getting up now, and you wonder if he’ll head down to the shop soon. When you round the corner to pass by the kitchen, you see him sitting at the small table in the corner by the window. His face is focused on something he spies through the glass. His eyebrows are drawn together, and you can almost hear the gears turning in his head. His flannel shirt looks soft and well worn, and you fight the urge to walk up and feel the fabric between your fingers. Your skin prickles, a cold sweat breaks across your forehead - all you can do is stand there and look at him.

“Morning.” Eddie’s hoarse voice speaks out to you. You can feel your skin begin to heat up knowing that he could feel your gaze on him. “There’s coffee in the pot if you want any. I know you’ve been up for a while, though.”

He knows you’ve been up for a while. Dread. You were too loud sitting in your room. Maybe the light of the lamp at your bedside drifted down the hallway and creeped through the crack in his doorframe. Maybe it was the shower. You should have waited until you knew he was already out of bed. How could you be so stupid?

“Oh god, I’m sorry.” You can hear the wet quality to your voice, and you swallow back a lump of nothing stuck in your airway. “I should’ve been more quiet.”

Eddie turns to look at you now. Confusion is written over his features, he’s trying to work out what he’s said to set you on the verge of tears. You look like a cat, back pressed against the wall. No, not like a cat - like a kicked dog waiting for another. Eddie rises to his feet in a swift motion that makes you draw back even more. Your breath is coming too fast now, your chest is tightening up.

“Woah, woah,” he moves quickly to rest a hand on your shoulder. He’s bringing you back to earth, he’s trying to hold you in place for a moment. “You could run around this apartment like a bull in a china shop and I wouldn’t hear it. I just noticed you already made coffee this morning.”

His reassurances are muffled in your ears, the wall of panic closing you off from him despite him physically grasping your skin. He knows you’re too far gone when he sees your hand frozen in an unnatural way. You’re hyperventilating, so he does what he’s done before. He guides you to the ground, not trusting the steadiness of your feet to make it to the couch on the other side of the kitchen.

Eddie’s sitting on the tile floor next to you, an arm around your shoulders. He has a hand in the center of your chest attempting to focus your breathing to follow his own. His hand is firm, moving with the rise and fall of his own chest. It’s a guiding light pulling you out of the darkness. Even when you match his breath, your hands are still pulled tight, an invisible cord wrapped around them.

“You’re ok. Breathe with me. Focus on my voice.” Eddie’s voice is calm and sure, and it steadies you, even as your body starts to shake.

“I think I’m having a stroke.” You hear yourself say these words, but it feels like a voice separate from your own body. You’re holding your hands up to show him. It hurts, having them bound tightly this way.

“Not a stroke, no. Not that.” Eddie takes your wrists in his hands and begins to work a thumb in each palm. “You’re having a panic attack. You’ll be ok. Your breathing messes up the oxygen in your body, and your hands just need a minute to relax.”

It’s not what he’s saying that matters, but the way he says it. It’s reassuring, having him down on the floor with you, feeling his touch. You can feel the muscles begin to loosen, allowing the shaking to take control of your entire body. You’re freezing, teeth chattering, chin vibrating.

“I’m freezing.” This time your voice sounds like your own, and you’re glad for that.

“Alright, what kind of host would I be if I let you freeze on my kitchen floor. Couch or bed?” Eddie stands up and pulls you up by the armpits like a child. A pang of embarrassment runs through you, and hot tears begin to leak from your eyes. “You know what? Couch. I want you close for a while.”

You float to the couch, Eddie’s arm wrapped around your waist while your hand holds the wall. Your hip is stiff and aching. You let him lay you down and cover you with a blanket. You wish he would hold you tightly. Wrap himself around you and let you feel the warmth radiate from his chest. Feel his heartbeat and the rhythm of his breathing. But you settle for an absentminded stroke of your head, and the warmth of his eyes searching your face. All at once, you remember something that seems very important.

“Eddie, I was gonna go get some toilet paper. You’re almost out.” You tell him, an earnest and concerned relay of important information. It doesn’t seem silly at all to you, but you’ll deeply regret it later when your mind is clearer.

“Oh, toilet paper? I’ve got a whole case down in the shop. Don’t worry, Sweetheart.” Eddie’s desire to comfort you is overwhelming, and he indulges himself with a kiss to your forehead, allowing himself to breathe in the scent of your skin before pulling away. “You can always just ask me. This is your home too, you belong here.”

—

Eddie had planned to talk to you about Steve and Nancy visiting in 2 days, but the panic attack in the kitchen gives him pause. He’s ready to call them both and tell them to fuck off, but he knows that’s a pointless idea. They’re coming, and any attempts to stop them will be met with a more intrusive experience for everyone.

He spends the midday on the phone calling area hotels for pricing while he keeps an eye on your sleeping form in his small living room. God, he wants to lay on that couch with you, and wrap you up in his arms. He can’t do that, not while you’re a walking and talking exposed nerve. You deserve a place to rest and heal, and he’s happy to give it to you. You’re already precious to him, a kind and tender soul whose skin has been toughened through years of pain and mistreatment. He swallows the thoughts that creep into his mind when he thinks too hard about you, when he lets himself imagine something that isn’t real - at least not yet.

He hears you stir under the blanket he spread over you. It’s a comfort to him every night, and he wants it to be a comfort for you now. He wants it to be the hug that he can’t bring himself to give you. He wants it to soothe your pain, and make you feel safe in his home. He wants it to hold you because he cannot. And it does hold you. You are surrounded by Eddie, covered in the blanket that he sleeps with every night. It smells of his skin, and you breathe it in. It’s an intimate thing, even with your bodies in separate rooms. You will leave a bit of yourself on the soft fabric, and Eddie will smell it when he rests his head tonight.

Eddie keeps his voice low when someone finally answers the phone at the motel half a block from the record shop. A little place that rents by day, week, or month depending on the needs of its clientele. It’s not bad, he’d taken a tour of a room before he secured his apartment above the shop. Clean and quiet, and he’ll even foot the bill if it gives him peace of mind. He hashes out the details with the old man on the other end of the line, and is pleasantly surprised to find out that the weekly cost on two rooms during the summer months is less than half of what it would be in the last place he lived. He’s giddy with relief, and chatting with the old man in the way Eddie does, forgetting completely that he’s supposed to be keeping quiet.

“Alright, man. I’ll be down in about an hour or so with - what? Cash, check, or money order?” Eddie pauses, waiting to hear the answer come through the telephone line. You’re leaning against the doorframe, watching the way he absentmindedly taps the pencil he’s holding against the small pad of paper sitting on the table in front him. “Yeah, for sure, cash is king. I’ll see you soon.”

“Wheeling and dealing, Edward?” You ask as Eddie hangs the receiver in its cradle. He jumps a little, unaccustomed to having someone else in his living space. You’re so quiet, and he was so fixed on the task at hand, he’d momentarily forgotten you were here with him.

“Mmm, yes.” Eddie recovers quickly, and a warm smile spreads across his face when he sees you looking sleepy but no worse for the wear. “Feeling better? Want some water? I can make you some food if you’re hungry.”

“I’m ok,” you’re already breezing past him to grab a glass cup from the drying rack next to the sink, “I’ll eat a banana or something. I’m sorry for what happened. I’m the worst house guest.”

Eddie closes his eyes, considering what he can say that wouldn’t push too hard one way or the other. It’s been so long since he’s been around someone so skittish. Like a cat afraid of its own shadow and all he wants is to hear your contented purr.

“I need you to try really hard to look at this place as yours too.” Eddie cuts off your scoff before you can bite back at him, “I’m serious. I owe you more than a room, all that work you’ve done downstairs. Please.”

The earnestness of his voice draws your gaze to him. He’s telling you the truth, it’s written on his face. He doesn’t just owe you, he wants you here. And it hits like a ton of bricks - he wants you. The thought has been existing in your mind since the first moment you heard his voice, that maybe this could be someone to you, but you never really allowed yourself to consider his thoughts might mirror your own.

“Ok, Eddie.” Your words come out quietly, not wanting to break the tension that’s building in the space between your bodies. You decide to shorten the distance. You decide to do something that isn’t wholly in your nature, but will convince him that you understand. You move into his space, and wrap an arm around his waist, and lay your head on his chest. His arms hang loosely around you, and you both sway.

—

“That purple house on the corner,” you point it out to Eddie. He’s strolling slowly beside you, conscientious about your slower gait, “is where Ms. Jamison lives. She’s totally fine with folks in the neighborhood digging around in her garden. She always ends up with way too many tomatoes and cucumbers, but she loves getting her fingers in the dirt.”

“I don’t know, I think I should probably meet the lady before I go swiping her veggies.” The back of Eddie’s hand brushes against the back of yours, and not for the first time. He’s willing to continue the ruse, that he isn’t asking without using words if he can hold your hand. It takes you back to a more innocent age, and your belly feels warm. “Maybe you can introduce me sometime? I can send some records her way in exchange for produce.”

“Mmm. Yeah. She’s going to like you, you’re just her type,” Eddie giggles low in his chest, but it stops immediately when you put your hand in his and squeeze. “You can laugh, Eddie, but her husband was in an MC all the way up til the day he died.”

Eddie stopped in his tracks. He looked out towards the purple house with dark purple trim contemplatively for a second before leaning down to whisper in your ear, “Is she still single?”

Your giggles are music to his ears. His breath tickled your skin and made you shiver, but the thought of Eddie bringing flowers to the 70 year old woman that lives on the corner is too much for you. Your giggles turn into the kind of laughter that has you bent over, and makes your belly ache. And then Eddie’s giggles start, and the two of you are holding hands and laughing like children in the middle of Columbus Street.

Finally, you wipe the tears from your eyes with the back of your hand, and stand up straight. It hits you like a ton of bricks, a need that you don’t want to deprive yourself of. So you crook your finger to get Eddie to lean down and come face to face with you so you can impart whatever wisdom you have for him.

You let go of his hand so you can hold him with both palms, running a thumb lightly across the angry red mark on his left cheek before you go up on your toes. And you kiss him. Lips against lips, you give him a moment to decide how to react before you open your mouth a little in invitation. He doesn’t pull away, he snakes an arm around your waist, fingers gripping your side, and he kisses you back. Firm and soft, his tongue swipes at your lip and you open up. Deepen the kiss. By the time you finally pull your mouths apart, your knees are weak.

Instead of holding hands, Eddie keeps an arm around your waist for the duration of the walk to the deli for lunch. He thinks he may never let you go again.

—

Neither of you knew when you shared your first kiss that there were eyes on you. It’s no surprise that in the middle of a sunny summer day, someone would notice people kissing in the street. Most would smile at the sight, and go about their day. But not the person sitting inside the tattoo parlor across the street. A wave of sadness roiled through his guts. The sound of Danny’s voice was suddenly drowned out by a ringing in his ears.

That stupid slut.

He watched your forms move down the street and away from his view, Eddie’s arm holding you. Eddie Munson. He was supposed to be a friend. At least he knows where you are now. The big house has been empty. James spent a good part of last night in your bed. Your scent lingered on your pillow, and it eased his sadness to be amongst your things.

James smiles and nods at Danny, agreeing to god knows what, before hopping down from the stool behind the counter. He felt weightless as he moved into the back of the shop and into the small bathroom. It still smells like shit from Danny’s most recent visit, but James barely registers it. He runs cold water over his neck and then stands and looks in the mirror.

Don’t cry. Don’t.

He gives his face a hard slap, and then splashes water on his face to cool down. He needs to pull it together. It’s not his fault you’re such a slut. It’s not his fault you can’t see what’s right in front of your face.

—

“I gotta tell you something, and I don’t want you to freak out.” Eddie’s sitting across you in the corner booth of the deli, a soup spoon pointing at you. He has a serious look on his face, but it doesn’t ring true. You bite back your smile and run the toe of your sneaker against the back of his calf.

“I won’t freak out. What, do you have a wife in another state or something?” You ask, and then take a giant bite out of your roast beef sandwich, never taking your eyes off Eddie. God, he’s so pretty. You can’t wait to get him alone for a few minutes. The kiss you shared still lingers on your lips. You want more.

“No wife. No.” Eddie leans back, and you can see that he too can’t keep a smile off his face. You’re like teenagers on a first date. “A couple of my friends are coming into town in a few days.” Your face begins to fall, and Eddie’s quick to add, “I booked them at the University Inn for their stay. Don’t worry about that. I just wanted you to know they’ll be around, and they’re kind of a lot.”

You nod and consider the situation over another big bite of your sandwich. You run your toe against the back of his calf to reassure him that it’s ok while you mill it over in your head. How bad can it be? Meeting Eddie’s friends will be alright, and you can make yourself scarce. His place is comforting, and the little room you’re staying in is perfect. You’re safe with Eddie, you can be safe with his friends too.

“Ok. Just don’t be surprised if I hide. New people make me nervous. But, make sure they know they can come to the coffee shop anytime while they’re in town, on me. I want to make a good impression.” You take a final mouthful of sandwich and wipe away bits of mayonnaise and mustard from the corner of your mouth, and wash it down with a big gulp of water. Eddie can’t get over the way you eat. There’s no self consciousness there, and it makes him smile.

He doesn’t tell you that he’s already discussed you with Nancy. He thinks it will be alright. You’re amazing, and thoughtful. You’re an absolute delight. Steve and Nancy will love you. How could they not? He does.

—

The rest of the day is spent in the record shop, the two of you putting away as many boxes as possible. You’re newly motivated to get the work done knowing Eddie’s friends will be here soon, and one of them is his business partner. You feel a sudden need to make sure that you impress them. That you show your worth through the work of your hands. Plus, you want Eddie to be able to show off the place.

It’s dark out when you both decide to call it quits. Tomorrow is another day off from the coffee shop, so you know you can spend a lot of time in the record shop with Eddie. It should scare you, knowing that this man has somehow creeped into every inch of your life, but it doesn’t. You want more. And you’re letting yourself want it without listening to the voice in your head that tells you shouldn’t let someone in like this.

Walking up the stairs to Eddie’s apartment, following behind his tall and lean frame, butterflies erupt in your gut. Your fingers tingle. The short hair on your scalp stands on end. You hear and feel everything. You look at his back and imagine what the skin underneath the leather feels like. Warm, no doubt, and soft. He fumbles his keyring when he pulls them out of the front pocket of his jeans, and you think he feels it too. The nervous energy. The tension.

The door swings open, and he extends his arm out in an “after you gesture”. You walk over to the kitchen counter, and turn. You rest your hands on the counter behind you, and wait to see what’s next. If there’s anything next, or if you’re going to head to bed with dozens of butterflies flitting around your insides. Eddie stands at the door, his back to you, for a moment after he clicks the deadbolt and chain lock.

He turns, eyes cast to the floor and says, “So. Uh, do you want to watch a movie, or-” he finally meets your eyes and sighs, “-Jesus Christ, I don’t know how to handle this at all.” His eyes are wide, and he emphasizes his statement with a hand sweeping in front of him.

“This is new for me too. It’s not every day I’m put into this situation, believe it or not.” You push off the counter and head towards Eddie. You’re pulled to him, closing the distance feels natural and right. You’ve decided that, with Eddie, you’re going to do what’s right.

“Yeah. I just don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing or anything. I’m cool with whatever you want, ya know?” Eddie’s voice is quiet, and he’s watching you move towards him, eyes focused on your lips. “I don’t want to fuck any of this up, and I know you’re dealing with a lot of shit. I don’t want to be one more thing to deal with.”

“I’m not dealing with you, Eddie.” You’re finally close enough to touch him, so you do. You reach your hand up to his hair to twist a curl that hangs at the side of his face. You watch it spring off your finger and sigh. “I really like you, and honestly - that is refreshing.”

“I really like you too,” Eddie says. And then you’re kissing again. You’re tasting. You’re open wide, and letting this man fill you up with something you didn’t think you could have. You’re happy to find that when your hand sneaks beneath the cotton of his black shirt, the skin between his shoulders is both very warm and very soft.

[hoodietypinggg]

Hybrid! Usami Tokishige x reader

A/N: Nothing solid, just a thought stuck in the empty echo-y space of my mind like a ball of wet toilet paper roll thrown up and stuck on the ceiling of your elementary school bathroom.

And I can't be the only clown who appreciates this cake endowed (Noda certified) hammer freak, hopefully this spreads to whichever GK fan who needs it.

Enjoy.

Tw: hints of yandere(???)/unhingedness but otherwise pretty fluff/nothing major

—

Usami Tokishige but he's a hare(?) hybrid, red eyes and two long black ears atop his head, standing at the edge of your backyard. Feral and looking like he just rolled around the forest grounds with all the twig snags and mud stains on his cheeks. But he doesn't move, unnerving stare fixed on you, the little human sitting in that little lawn chair of yours.

You with your hand still stuck in a little jar filled with nuts, feet slowly shrinking back to curl your knees up and make yourself more compact. Mouth slightly agape from shock, his nose twitches slightly as if senting the air like a dog. You frown. He's not a hound though?

Usami's clearly not what you've been anticipating, the tension in your posture displaying the confusion and blaring alarms sounding havoc in your mind. The tree shades keep him hidden quite well, you get a vague feeling of his stature, but with the breeze blowing through the branches and the glaring afternoon sun it's hard to get the full picture. Just those red eyes peeking at you. Squirrels whom you've prepared the nuts for dont have red pupils. Squirrels who regularly visit you aren't this tall. More importantly, squirrels from the forest behind your yard aren't hybrids.

Since the last crunch of his dirt crusted work boots, nobody has attempted to speak whatsoever. You aren't sure if he's predator or prey anymore, the unflinching stare he's got you locked in feels like the one of a hunter despite his hare features.

"... Haven't seen you around here before," his left ear visibly flinches at the sound of your voice.

Despite the initial reaction, he seems to take your announcement as a sign of peace offering and relaxes a bit, slowly lowering his arms to rest next to his sides. Usami also steps out from the tree lines, now standing next to the trio of gnomes that guard the edge of your yard. Pupils soften slightly. You unconsciously follow his blink with one of your own, only then acknowledging how dry your eyes have gone from keeping him in your field of vision.

The raised arms were not what made him big, you realize, Usami's built physique still peaked through his clothes even in the relaxed stance. Broad shoulders and a thick middle fill the shirt well, his cargo pants tucked into his boots but tight around his thighs. The muscles seem to be from physical labor, the kind that is less seen in hybrid physique competitions and more in the construction industry. Perhaps even in the wood industry, which is very possible considering the lush green forests expanding beyond mountains around you. It is unusual though for typically smaller hybrids to get assigned such work, but then again nothing about him aligned with the norm.

You can't determine what else is caked on the damaged dark shirt and cargo pants, but there's definitely something else on there, something that dries dark and not light shades like mud does. For the sake of your nerves right now though you choose to not think more and simply get up from your seat at a natural speed. He follows with his eyes, head tilting slightly.

"Wh- uh, why don't you come in and clean up while I go get the phone for you? Maybe contact someone you know, who uh, might be able to help you?" Usami easily spies the tremble of uncertainty in your hand as you loosely gesture at your back door.

He lets the silence linger for a little moment more, a small rumbly feeling in his chest forming with the way awkwardness creeps into your posture at his unresponsiveness.

Your other limp hand reaches for the hem of your shirt, fingers curling around the fabric as you fidget.

He's finding your reactions fun.

Maybe this is the feeling that Ogata was telling him about, predator watching the prey's cornered, nervous responses. It's hard to come by, what with him being typically surrounded by predator hybrids. And the fact that he is also technically considered prey type. Usami feels the corner of his mouth twitch up and pupils slightly dilate. He covers it by fully smiling, changing it for a friendlier smile and steps forward to follow you. It sends a dart of shiver down your back though, and something in the back of your mind is screaming.

You swallow the pinprick feeling of unease down your throat and turn to guide him. Too late to back out, you now have a guest to entertain.

He only followed his beloved boss Tsurumi into these backwoods because what Tsurumi says is what Usami does, not exactly in distaste like Koito but not beaming at the change like Tanigaki. However, it seems that the little wood mouse he's found today will be veering their stay in this area towards something a bit more memorable.

[planet-crait]

Episode 11! Still mad vibing with the intro song and I refuse to emotionally dive into why the first line of the song hits so hard for me. I can’t really get a strong sense for what the wish will be this episode, maybe she wishes to live the life of a mystery movie? I’m intrigued.

Aww movie night with Hazel and her dad. That’s cute and oh it’s a mystery movie. I love them both guessing who the criminal really is. And oh her dad is leaving early. I wonder if they normally stay up really late watching? It’s cute father daughter bonding time but it’s sad we haven’t seen Hazel get that with her mom. Also sad her dad is cutting off early.

Ohhh okay so I don’t recall us seeing Hazel get this angry before. I love Father Time casually sliding in and out again sadly and no one seems to have noticed this just. I don’t know why it got a laugh out of me.

Maybe that’s why he fights so hard for control of time based wishes he just really wants an excuse to grant wishes. Cosmo why are you so sad shouldn’t you know Father Time will jump in?

I like that Hazels focus is wanting to solve mysteries instead of being angry with her dad. It’s a small thing but we do continuously see Hazel trying to focus her feelings onto what she can do or change instead of lashing out at people.

COSMO WANDA DONT LET SMALL CHILD WANDER AROUND AT NIGHT! Though I guess as magical beings they can overall protect Hazel BUT STILL.

I uh. Ima just uh move on past the squirrel and pigeon thing just uh. Okay.

Oh Hazel. Looking for a mystery when there likely isn’t one. This is going to end badly I think. Oh honey you gave up after like two seconds that’s not enough time to answer. Also why didn’t Cosmo and Wanda hide before she knocked? I know the writers knew no one would answer but they didn’t so they should be hidden.

I was almost right. Not sure why she had to wish that if she found the mystery already. Also uh I’ve actually never heard the term “gumshoe” before. You learn something new lolz. Wait uh did Wanda put Hazel in a movie or something? Why is Hazel interviewing her I’m confused. Wanda was with you before and after she disappeared so why she is a suspect is confusing.

Okay I will give it to Hazel these people are kind of weird taking in and out large boxes is odd. Or maybe I’ve moved too many times who knows lolz.

I love how only the kid notices Hazel is a kid. I don’t know why no one else has noticed, unless they’re just hand waving it in gf as a kid being a kid? Oh poor Cosmo, it’s an easy to miss detail but you can see Cosmos pained expression as Hazel is writing. I don’t always think about how that stuff could be painful for Cosmo and Wanda when they’re disguised but it makes sense.

Wait is it the next day now? The whole black and white thing makes it harder to tell how time is moving.

Lolz oh Hazel. You’re so silly I love you. I am once again reminded how weird I was as a kid to want to go to bed. Now as an adult I avoid it. Also love how Hazel knows a lot of expressions other kids don’t know lolz.

Wait why is Hazels mom not in black and white? Hazels dad is dropping facts lolz. Wait why is it flashing between black and white I’m so confused.

How did they install so many locks so quickly? Do they not work and have time to spend all day doing this? Why let their kids go to school if they’re so worried? Wait for now? I’m know this will probably have a “reasonable” explanation but I can’t think of any.

Wait are they like not human or something? Fairies? Aliens in disguise? That would explain why they’re acting so weird and pushing so hard the “normal humans” thing. Lolz toilet paper hoard is bringing back Covid PTSD from guests at the hotel I worked at stealing and hoarding stuff like this. It was chaos the poor housekeeping carts kept getting raided like no tomorrow it made their lives hell.

Uh back to the episode ugh why can’t she unwish the wish? I don’t get the logic here. Oh twins lolz. Wait why are they eating without the kids? That’s not cool. When would the dad have done anything Hazel? He gave her a package and left?

Okay sure fine weird but uh fine. But what about the “for now” comment I need answers here. Wait the old land lady left a bunch of trash for the new people moving in? Thats like evil. Also they are still like super weird. Why throw perfectly good food and dishes on the floor to toss? When do the boys get to eat?

How did no one know the old land lord was leaving? Changes in management usually alert the current tenants. And why give someone who is leaving a welcome gift?

While not a bad episode, it’s not one I really enjoyed all that much. Though it did have some cute moments with Hazel. I did think the twist with the twins was well done. These new neighbors though still haven’t answered some questions that I have a sinking feeling won’t ever get answered. Oh well. Onto the next one!

[ooc-miqojak]

Fuck Landlords

Today, I started sharpening my proverbial knives for this winter's Devouring of the Landlord. Here is the snipped text from an email I got from her today in response to a request that they assist me with a foul smell emanating from a wall in my apartment.

Since the snip is so small, I'll copy/paste what the bitch wrote when I told her that there is a horrifyingly vile stench of death in a closet/in a wall that is between my downstairs closet, and my computer room. A smell that is so pervasive, it has even begun to stink upstairs now that it has been almost a week we've been waiting for this to be dealt with (this is a closet under the stairwell).

"We had a maintenance tech and our pest control vendor come over earlier to look at and identify the smell.  They said they noticed a smell but it was not strong.  The pest control vendor said it did not smell like an animal and he did not see any animal droppings.  He was concerned that it may be a pet going to the bathroom in the closet?  Is there anything that could have spoiled that is in a box or around the closet?  Perhaps some cleaning out may help? He will come back in a couple of days and if it has not gone away can go in and open the wall.  We reached out to the resident in the unit below and they are alive.  So there are no dead bodies in the building. Please let me know if the smell continues."

So, when I complain that there is probably a dead squirrel in the wall in my apartment (and intimated they might want to do a quick wellness check on my elderly neighbor downstairs just to be safe, because you never know)... they send pest control who says 'nope, no pests here!'...which I already knew, because I didn't need pest control. Then, either the landlord is lying to me about what pest control said, or he seems to think my cats have human hands that can twist round doorknobs, and they are using their ~magical human hands~ to sneak into my closet to take massive, invisible shits, then they are leaving the closet and closing the door behind them. She is implying that it is my fault and I must just...be living in filth? Except...what pest control person thinks that feces and urine smell like death? And I doubt that anyone said 'the smell wasn't strong', because the first maintenance person to show up today immediately noted that it smelled like death/rot, and even mentioned they'd probably have to open the wall up to access it!

So the bitch lies to me, gaslights me, and then insinuates I must let what are effectively my children shit in the floor, and that's clearly the source of the stench. Except, I know my rights, and I wrote her about 4 paragraphs back about how I know my rights, how what she did is gaslighting and inappropriate and incredibly condescending... and in as kind a way as is possible, made it clear that I'm willing to make this a long, ugly fight she's not going to win. I grew up in the Southeastern U.S. - I will smile bright, call you hon, and the venom you never see will still melt the flesh from your bones, so I think she got my point. She is bound by law to deal with this issue, especially as it could be a health hazard - and it's real funny how her tune changed completely in her responding email, upon having me point out how I would also be making sure to hold onto her condescending and wildly inappropriate email here that blames me and condescends to me (especially as she is not the first member of management to try and step to me), for when I take this complaint further up to the parent company that owns this place.

Just a shame her apology email came too late, and I had already left a voicemail and an email for the parent company about the shockingly inappropriate behavior of this employee, and how she sets a low bar for their brand.

(It's worth noting that she's full of shit on other points, too - I specifically mention in my first complaint email that this closet stores nothing in it but nice smelling candles and toilet paper. So the bullshit question about cleaning it out just amounts to 'cOuLd It Be ThAt YoU'rE jUsT gRoSs?', which is wildly inappropriate, as well!)

Eat the godamned rich. Hold your ground against landlords.

Make them eat shit.

Edit: I made a follow up post to this, but the tl;dr is that I was right and she was wrong(obviously), and she refuses to actually apologize - she just makes almost-apology-excuses for her dogshit behavior. I hope she gets food poisoning over the holidays.

[mask131]

Given people tend to have a short-lived memory on the Internet, let's recall together one of the ridiculous moments of Putin's Russia's propaganda against Europe. It is something that happened very recently, and for once it is not an ideological or social conflict or propaganda. No, it is a meteorological one - a story that might seem laughable and absurd, just a good joke on its own, but a story that shows us how deeply buried in lies and falseness and a complete detachment from reality the Russian propaganda is. This highlights the sad truth of how Russian media became a mass-fake-news machine and is ready to twist and turn every little fact of life to serve their own "Russia is the greatest, the rest of the world is Hell" view.

This happened in the winter of 2022-2023. If you are not in Europe maybe you didn't hear about this, but it was all over here. If you do not recall, this winter was actually colder than the one of previous years - which notably caused a certain problem because there was an economic crisis going on thanks to the Ukrainian war. There is this big price inflation all across Europe, coupled with the fact we don't get the Russian oil and gaz anymore - and this slightly colder weather mixed with the more costly every day life and the lack of heating fuels were all used by Russian propagandist to announce that Europe was going to face its harshest and coldest winter yet, and that thanks to the Ukrainian war, they would all freeze to death. If you listened to the words of Russian information channels, it was as if ASOIAF's "Winter is coming" was happening in real life.

Putin notably used a sentence referring a very popular Russian fairytale (though it is actually a folktale also heavily present in Europe, especially in France where it is part of the Roman de Renart) - "The wolf's tail will freeze". For Putin, Europe was the wicked and greedy wolf, and this harsh icey winter would weaken Europe the same way the wolf who was tricked into fishing with his tail got trapped in the lake of ice...

Let's begin with a "little lie", well a big one, but still lesser compared to the others that follow in this post. Mid-March, Olga Skabeyeva (one of the famous propagandist news anchors of Russia) claimed that due to the rise of prices, a third of the inhabitants of France was forced to give up on hygiene and beauty products. According to her, a third of French people didn't use shampoo or deodorants anymore, a third of French people didn't clean their teeth anymore - they even had to abandon toilet paper due to it costing too much! And of course, Skabeyeva concluded that this was all because France gave too much money to Ukraine, leaving its own people "poor and dirty"... Note that this actually plays on a widespread stereotype French have among foreigners: the reputation of French being dirty for only taking a bath once a week or so. I don't know where this stereotype of the French that doesn't take care of their personal hygiene comes from, but it exists.

If you are from Britain, you probably heard about Olga Skabeyeva's famous comments about the poor state the harsh winter and economic crisis of England had left people into. Mid-January she affirmed on Russian television that the common British folks were forced to eat dog food and cat food because human food was too costly, and that now English households cooked on their radiators, since they could only afford one heater for the whole house. This was backed up in early March by her claims that British restaurants, due to a lack of animal meat, were forced to serve squirrels to their clients, and that they would go on to trap other animals found in parks. Many British people argued back that yes, there was a big and harsh crisis, but no it wasn't as bad as the propagandist claimed and no, nobody ate squirrels in restaurants. [I unfortunately cannot find back the source but I recall seeing around the time this made the news, that the propagandist actually took one true info - something about indeed people killing squirrels somewhere in England for health and ecological reasons, or maybe some public figure joking about possibly eating squirrels - and then twisted it into "all British restaurants serve squirrels now". That's typical of propagandists - take one grain of truth, make it a whole beach of lies.]

And then we reach Germany. This time I have sources to back up, exact sources I will bring to you. In fact, if you want to know more about the crazy world of Russian propaganda, I can't advise you enough to check out this very informative and eye-opening series: Arte's Fake News. Arte is a Franco-German binational channel that brought this program - originally a web-series, that also aired on television. "Fake News", of its full title, "Fake News: Russian propaganda for beginners", is a series created and hosted by Marsha Borzunova, the representative of a group of anti-Putin Russian journalists that exiled themselves. Now, from the town of Riga, she and her crew created these videos that study, debunk and explain the various aspects of Russia's propaganda.

And one of her videos covered the topic of "European winter as seen by Russia". She talked of Putin's "wolf's tail" comment, she talked of how Russian television channels claimed that Czech figureheads publically said that to survive winter they will burn "everything they get their hands on", and even burn Ukraine down... And she also brought up the "Berlin problem". During the last months of the year 2022, Russian newspaper multiplied reports that due to the lack of oil/gaz and the extreme temperatures of winter, Berliners were cutting down almost all of the trees in their public parks. Which of course, is something that never happened. But these newspapers listed an American article from Bloomberg as their sources - and when you go look at the article, you realize how heavily the propagandists twisted the original words. The Bloomberg article was about the energy crisis in Germany, indeed, and how wood-fueled heating systems were now preferred and demanded over gaz-fueled heating systems, but that was it. The article did mention public park trees being cut down as an example... as an HISTORICAL example. The article speaks of the cutting of the Tiergarten trees in WORLD WAR II!!!

To add salt to the wound, there is the existence of a television show in Russia called "Antifake", designed to debunk fake news and denounce propaganda. Not Russian one though - the point of this show is to destroy the "lies of the West" and reveal the "truth" about Europe. Which is, as you can guess, a pile of absurd and shameless lies in favor of Russia. Antifake most notably fed into the whole "Europeans are freezing to death" thing by having their reporter living in Germany, a woman called Yulia, do a live interview from her apartment in Munich - and she appeared in this interview wrapped into a big, heavy winter coat, fur-lined hood over her head, despite being inside. Because, as she explained, the furnace had been cut for the night and in the morning, and so she was waiting for noon to have the sun heat her apartment into a more bearable temperature. An interview that becomes absolutely ridiculous when you know that at the same time, in Munich (Yulia's town), it was mid-october, it was a sunny week with 18 degrees outside (I'll let you do the conversion if you are American). Nobody in their right mind was wearing a coat inside their house, and nobody wore heavy coats outside either, and there was no furnace cuts. Even more hilarious is the fact that the emission showed background videos recorded of European heavly clothed, sharing food at some charity stand in a freezing morning... Except that when you look at the signs in this supposedly "German sight", you see everything is written in cyrillic, and that's because these images were recorded in the town of Opotchka, in the Pskov region, not "near Berlin" as they wanted the audience to think. Speaking of Yulia - you might have heard of her outside of the "Antifake" show, because she made herself quite famous in Germany, even viral. She went viral because she posted a video of herself smiling and dancing with a Russian flag... In front of a group of Ukrainian refugees in Salzburg. She became known as the "Russian harasser of Ukrainians fleeing the war" in Germany.

Borzunova also mentions the cyber-war of fake news to conclude her look at Russian's fantasies about a winter of misery in Europe: on Twitter, there was a trend that spread, a hastag #AgainstSanctions. This hashtag was shared and posted by many Europeans of various countries, complaining that the sanctions taken against Russia were ruining their life. The trend was simple: post a picture of an empty plate, with a message written on a piece of paper onto the plate, directly demanding to your local politician to stop the anti-Russia sanctions.

Here's the thing however: this "trend" was reported by Russian institutions and medias. And while the posts of this hashtag do exist, when you look just a little bit deeper you realize how fake it all is. All the accounts that started this trend only have one post in total: the AntiSanctions post. All these accounts were created on the same day. AND their profile pictures are those of public figures - ranging from CNN news anchors to Bollywood actresses.

Anyway, if you want to check the video about all of this, you can go look at it on Youtube. I personally watched the French subtitled version, even though there is a German-subtitled one (thanks to Arte being Franco-German), and Borzunova speaks in English, so you can still listen to her comments and understand her explanations without reading French or German:

If the video above doesn't appear, here is the link.

[daiohficblog]

MSB Ficlet No. 7 (Ft. Donita and Dabio)

The kids were biking until they come across a huge mansion.

Ralphie: Is it just me, or does that look like a huge Barbie doll mansion?

Wanda: Yeah, it’s too pink! I say we decorate it and make it better!

Arnold: But what if the owner doesn’t like it?

Carlos: Come on Arn, it’s not like the owner is nice or anything.

(One toilet paper decorating later)

Carlos: Well, it’s now ready to be flushed!

The kids: CARLOS!!!!

Just then, someone was near the front door.

Tim: Uh oh, we have company!

Wanda: Let’s get out of here!!!

The kids bikes off as the door opened.

Dabio: Oooh, toilet paper!

Donita: What is it, Dabi-What?! My mansion is… is… defaced!!!! Who has done this to my mansion?!

Dabio: Uhm… the squirrel?

Donita: Very funny Dabio, but I rather believe Zach and his robots are behind this. I’ll give him a call while you clean up the mess.

Dabio: Yes Donita!

[genderexamples]

Why don't I have a dick

A poem

GOD FUCKING FUCK DAMN IT

WHAT THE FUCK??????¿

Cursed by the gods to embody this vessel

So I could know its pain

At 16 I decided it was my job

To keep the catatonic girl alive

And I thought she got better

But I had just buried myself deeper

Away from th nerve endings

Like a chipmunk trapped in the roots of a walnut tree

I died

and nourished it

And I believed I was the tree

I channeled goddesses to save me from my body

((how could I take this divine shape away from the world))

As if I owed anyone this beauty

As if it weren't mine to destroy

MINE.

One time after church I saw 6 boys poking a dead squirrel with a stick

Pink flesh zipping open, obscene

The black hole of a tumbling eye

Am I a fucking CURIOSITY???????

Having a panic attack because my body was "made for childbearing"

Made-for made-for made-for

THINGNESS, single use plastic straw Starbucks girlypop fucktoy 1080p packaging slightly broken gently used toothbrush paper flower cum tissue

I could change my body & hormone balance but someone will always say

YOU WERE MADE TO BE FUCKED

You were never made to fuck and sing and love and eat fruit and rush in the river of your lover's thighs. You were never made to spill your semen like an offering at the altar of love

And those who can

Jack off as if into a toilet seat

Goddess figurines found in the midden, shit-covered, shameful

Men hate what they fuck

And if I'd had a dick

Would I be another fucking rapist

Poking things' eyes out to feel the sting of creation

Because I can't do it myself

[aeoki]

Autumn Forest - Chapter 8

Location: Yumenosaki 1-B Classroom Characters: Shinobu & Nazuna

Yuuta: Ahahaha. I see, so that’s what happened.

I came to check and see how you were doing, but you apologised so profusely, so I was wondering what had happened~

I connected all the dots thanks to your explanation, Anzu-san.

Hm? Am I angry? Of course not. Everyone had a sense of responsibility and did their best to find Marron, right?

Marron was found in one piece so all’s well that ends well~♪

Shinobu-kun looks like he’s having a lot of fun playing with Marron over there. There’s no way I can be angry.

And to think the thing that Morisawa-senpai was searching for back then was Marron, huh.

It looked like it wasn’t something he could easily tell someone, so I thought it was a failed test paper or something.

Huh? Is Morisawa-senpai similar to its owner?

No, he’s more like the exact opposite. Why that question?

Ohh~ So Marron took a liking to Morisawa-senpai, huh. That’s strange. I wonder why? He didn’t even have any food with him.

…Ah! Could it be that Morisawa-senpai smelled like tea olives?

Morisawa-senpai passed a line of them? Ahh, so that’s why ♪ I’m sure it’s because of that then.

Humans might not be able to tell, but animals probably could.

There are tea olive bushes growing in Marron’s garden, so Marron must’ve thought Morisawa-senpai was someone close to its owner.

Whenever me or Aniki hold a tea olive branch in our hands, Marron comes running over.

So Morisawa-senpai transferred that scent onto Shinobu-kun and Marron started lowering its guard around him, huh. But right now…

Shinobu: Yuuta-kun, Anzu-dono~! I feel left out seeing as you two were talking amongst yourselves!

Yuuta: Ahahaha. Don’t get so sulky. We were just talking about how you’re getting along so well with Marron.

Shinobu: Yeah! It follows me wherever I go so I think it’s going to be hard for me to even go to the toilet. I’m in a bind ~de gozaru.

Yuuta: Oh, you~ It’s not like you completely hate the idea~

Shinobu: Ehehe, Marron actually climbs up onto my shoulder when I call it ♪

Yuuta: I see you guys are the best of friends now. Right, Anzu-san? ♪

Shinobu: ……? Yuuta-kun and Anzu-dono are both nodding their heads? It feels like they’re so in sync! On second thought, I really do feel left out~!

Yuuta: I-It’s not like that!

Shinobu: Then, could you two also play with Marron? I let it run free indoors so that I don’t mess up again!

Yuuta: Ahh. So that’s why it’s in the classroom. Come on, come over here, Marron~

Shinobu: Ohh? It knows you too, Yuuta-kun. It went over to you so easily.

Yuuta: Well, I’ve played with it a lot. Anyway, won’t we get in trouble if we let a squirrel run loose in a classroom?

Shinobu: Nito-dono, Leader-dono and Anzu-dono checked with the Student Council!

I’ll be sure to keep an eye on Marron so that it won’t cause any trouble to the other students, so they gave me permission to do so for a limited time ♪

Yuuta: Ohh~ Looks like our school is pretty flexible, huh. Good for you, Shinobu-kun.

Shinobu: It is but… that limited time means it’ll just be for a few days since Marron will have to go back home.

I’m a bit sad…

Ah, but I won’t throw a tantrum and not give Marron back, so please rest assured ~de gozaru!

Although, I will feel kinda sad…

Yuuta: Then how about we go and visit Marron after that? You won’t be sad that way, right?

Shinobu: …With you, Yuuta-kun?

Yuuta: Huh? You don’t like the idea of going with me?

Shinobu: N-No, it’s not that! I’m happy! W-Would you be fine with me?

Yuuta: Ehh~ Say what? There’s no point if I don’t go with you, Shinobu-kun. I bet if I told Aniki, he’d probably want to come along too, though.

Shinobu: Oh? You want to come too, Anzu-dono? Then let’s all go visit Marron! I’m looking forward to it!

Yuuta: It’s way too early to say that now~ But I’m excited too ♪

Shinobu: We’ll definitely go pay you a visit, Marron~ That’s why I won’t feel sad ♪

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