#spy cheating devices

[gallifreyanhotfive]

Random Doctor Who Facts You Might Not Know, Part 69

One time while escaping from a cell, Romana commented that it would be child's play to unlock the door with her sonic screwdriver. She then said it was literally child's play as doing so had been a game back on Gallifrey. (Audio: Subterranea)

One of Jamie's distant relations became a spy during World War II and used the name "the Doctor." (Audio: Operation Werewolf)

On his report, Borusa gave Theta Sigma a 7 in the subject of "Physical Inactivity." He commented that his pupil seems to think he is a mountain goat. (Short story: Report on Term's Work)

Memory lanterns are Time Lord devices that resemble paper lanterns but record an individual's thoughts and memories. During the Time War, many Gallifreyans released these lanterns as a desperate ploy to not be forgotten, as they thought they would all die. (Novel: Engines of War)

Ben, Polly, and Jamie played with a ouija board on the TARDIS. This caused a dark cloud from the time vortex to slip inside Jamie's mind, affecting his behavior. The Second Doctor banished the cloud by reading a recipe for Bajaxx stew written in Ancient Gallifreyan. (Short story: Something at the Door)

Jarra To killed the previous overseer of the Axis. Eventually, a Time Lord came to investigate, but they killed them. By the time the Fifth Doctor and his companions landed there, they described the corpse as "rank" with oozing flesh and insect larvae. (Audio: The Axis of Insanity)

After leaving Nyssa, Tegan, and Marc behind, the Fifth Doctor had several adventures on his own. Eventually, he encountered his Eleventh self, and he decided to return to his companions because he didn't want to be like him - companionless and disparaged in 1892. (Audio: Thin Time)

Time Vortex leeches live in the time vortex, and the Doctor had thought they were a myth from Ancient Gallifreyan songs until one of them clung to his Eleventh self's TARDIS exterior. (Comic: Space in Dimension Relative and Time)

One time, a man called Gaylord Lefevre played a game of cards against the Toymaker. He cheated and used a needle to mark cards, but the Toymaker was aware of this and altered his cards to be a hand full of jokers when Gaylord wasn't looking. The Toymaker claimed he wasn't cheating but instead following a new rule that Gaylord had introduced - that cheating was acceptable. (Comic: The Greatest Gamble)

Gallifrey has a transtube, which is basically an underground train. It has a central station under the Capitol. (Novel: The Ancestor Cell)

One time after the Seventh Doctor was knocked out, he drowsily told Ace that he had had a terrible dream. A man with ringlets had been reaching out to him, saying, "Come in, Number Seven, your time is up." He was talking about the Eighth Doctor. (Audio: The Silurian Candidate)

Maria Mazzini once commented on how powerful the Fifth Doctor's thighs were - after slapping them. (Audio: Serpent in the Silver Mask)

One time, the Fourth Doctor decided to take Sarah Jane to Geshtinanna. The journey in the TARDIS took nine weeks, during which both became bored and tired. While traveling in the time vortex, the clocks in the TARDIS all stopped, and the Doctor then detected the remains of another TARDIS in the vortex, trapped their because the pilot had made the mistake of locking their course. They were worried that they too had fallen to the same fate and were unable to change course, but when the day of materialization finally came, they successfully materialized. The Doctor realized that the TARDIS had stopped all the clocks out of respect for her fallen fellow TARDIS. Even after nine weeks of travel, they materialized nowhere close to Geshtinanna. (Short story: Eternity)

The Seventh Doctor has shifted his genetic makeup enough to disguise himself before and mimic someone else. He admitted that he learned this trick from the Master, who frequently used regeneration as a disguise. (Novel: Original Sin)

On Gallifrey, there are two hundred and eight tenses in their languages. They don't translate well. (Novel: The Crystal Bucephalus)

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[striveattemptfail]

Minor Differences | Logan Howlett & Wade Wilson, 1.9k, PG-13

@poolvertober: Day 20 – Pop Culture

Summary: Five times Logan learns something new about the timeline he's in (and one time it was for the better). Inspired by this post by @nichknack. Rated for language. Takes place some time after the movie's events; just assume Logan and Wade are back-up X-Men. More gen than slash but we all know the truth ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Read on Ao3

A/N: Once again, I'm taking today's prompt fast and loose so forgive me in advance 😅🙏 Un-beta'd but quite frankly it's a miracle I even finished on time lmao. Can you believe this was originally supposed to be ~600 words? (ノ_<、)

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The first time Logan notices that his new timeline isn’t identical to his old one, it’s over a subtle name change.

He’s reading the Saturday paper in the living room, Wade watching some reality show on the seat next to him with Mary Puppins in his lap, when Althea leaves her room and shuffles into the kitchen.

“Alexa,” she calls out, “what time is it?”

A robotic voice replies, “The time is 5:43pm.”

Logan drops the newspaper from obscuring his face. He immediately finds the source of the reply on the coffee table: a grey, cylindrical device that looks like a mini speaker, control buttons on its side. It blinks a turquoise light around the rim until the light turns off with a muted beep at the extended silence.

“What the fuck?” he wonders out loud, surprised to see such a familiar gadget.

“Have you not interacted with an Echo before, peanut?” Wade asks. “Did you not have Bezos’ army of listening devices where you’re from?”

Althea barks out a hollow laugh. “You keep calling the damn thing a spy machine—”

“Because I don’t trust it!”

“—but you keep it right there anyway.” She scoffs, making her way to the fridge. “Fuckin’ hypocrite.”

“Well, it’s also convenient!” Wade argues. “Do you miss when I used to shoot the lights off?”

“What the fuck?” Logan says again, but for a completely different reason this time.

“Listen,” Wade starts, and from his tone Logan can tell some bullshit is about to leave his mouth, “sometimes a guy just wants to pass out after walking in at ass o’clock in the morning without having to get up when he forgets to deal with the lights!”

“So you shot the damn lights out?” Logan guesses. “Is that why all the light switch panels are just exposed? Because you shot the fuckin’ plates off?”

“Alexa, tell peanut to stop bullying me!”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know that command,” the device says. “Would you like to—”

“Alexa, shut up.”

The cylinder goes quiet with a beep.

“Anyway, you didn’t answer my question,” Wade says before Logan gets a chance to berate him more. “Did your world not have Echos?”

“We did,” he admits, “but they were called Alexis.”

“Like Texas!” Wade shoots him a wink before chuckling to himself.

(Presumably to himself, because Logan has no clue what the fuck he’s talking about, as usual.)

Before either of them can elaborate, Althea yells from where she’s bent over in front of the open fridge, “Wade, did you put the fucking milk carton back empty again?!”

Their attention quickly shifts from there.

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The next time Logan notices, it’s over something equally innocuous.

He and Wade hate talking to the authorities when they finish a mission, but none of the X-Men who are way better suited to dealing with humans made it in time to stop their target. He and Wade finished the job before those asscracks even left the X-Mansion, which meant the two of them had to deal with the aftermath until someone more qualified arrived.

“I’ll play you for it!” Wade finally suggests after five whole minutes of arguing over who should talk to the police chief.

He sticks his hands out, a fist over a flat palm. Logan rolls his eyes but dutifully mimics the gesture.

“After three, okay?” Wade clarifies. “No cheating!”

“Let’s just get this the fuck over with.”

Wade nods once.

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!” he counts as Logan simultaneously chimes, “Paper, scissors, rock, bang!”

They don’t even look to see who won. Instead, they mirror each other’s expression: one of total confusion.

“Mr. Deadpool? Mr. Wolverine?” a voice calls behind them—Logan recognizes it as one of the younger detectives Wade was speaking to earlier. “We need one of you now, please.”

He and Wade finally both look at their hands.

Fuck.

“Ha ha, sucker!” Wades hollers, his rock crushing Logan’s scissors. He only grunts in response when Wade quite literally skips away after slapping Logan on the ass. Logan turns around with a flat expression and follows the detective to where the police chief is giving a statement to some reporter.

Whatever. The sooner this is done the sooner he and Wade can go home.

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Another time it happens, Logan’s not even sure if he even remembers the reference correctly.

He and Wade are at the X-Mansion for another mission, catching up with Ellie and Yukio inside the Blackbird jet while Colossus to grabs more a few more people. Logan’s not quite paying attention to the conversation’s details, more enamoured by the strange friendship the two girls have with Wade.

At some point, Ellie says something that makes Yukio giggle and shove her shoulder, causing Wade to cackle out, “Weird flex, but okay!”

Logan furrows his brows but doesn’t comment because Wade’s already pivoted the topic to something else.

He could swear that the saying was odd flex, but very well. If he actively recalls the kids from his old universe, that was what they used to say, right?

(Most days, he usually tries his best to not remember them. The pain may not be fresh anymore but it still hurts all the same. He’ll never be able to hear Kitty, or Jubilee, or Rogue, or Bobby cracking jokes he doesn’t understand but finds amusing nonetheless. Never again.)

Apparently, he’s still deep in thought by the time Laura walks up to him. Her face looks remarkably similar to one he sees on himself all the time—brows pinched, eyes narrowed, lips turned downward. At least on Laura the expression looks like a cute pout compared to Logan’s usual, unimpressed glare.

“What’s wrong?” She looks to the other three still caught up in their conversation, not paying Logan any mind. “Did they say something?”

Logan shakes his head. There’s no point in dwelling over the kids’ memes from his old life. He’s poked at those memories like an old bruise more than enough now.

“Nah,” he says, mostly telling the truth, “just remembered something.”

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He finally catches on by the following incident.

A song has been driving Logan fucking crazy for the past four hours. The goddamn earworm simply refuses to get out of his head, even with Wade’s incessant rambling at his phone in the background. What he’s blabbing about right this moment, Logan has no clue, because lyrics are on loop in his brain and he can’t hear anything above it.

Time for a replay session, he supposes, taking a seat in the living room. Hopefully making his ears bleed from the melody on constant repeat will finally get it out of his head.

“Hey, bub, can you play that ‘Vegas glowing’ song by Handsome Delight on the Alexis?” he interjects in the middle of Wade’s rant.

Wade furrows his hairless brow-line. “Come again? This time in my ear? Also, it’s still just Alexa.”

“You know,” Logan says, followed by a vague hum. “You walk in over time / ‘Cause we both know you’re mine / Fallin’ straight, don’t look down / Las Vegas glowin’ on the town,” he sings, hoping he has the correct lyrics. “That one?”

“One: Excellent singing, honey badger! Do you practice scales when I’m not listening? Because that voice is—” Wade cuts off to do a chef’s kiss with his fingers. “Two: Nope! Still no clue what that song is.”

“Stop fuckin’ with me, Wade.” Logan grunts, remembering how annoyingly often the song was playing on the radio when he was bar hopping earlier this year. Wade listens to pop music almost exclusively—there’s no way he would’ve escaped this song. “It was in the Top 40s for months. You had to have heard of this.”

Wade just blinks at him. “I really, truly have not.”

“Wait,” he pauses in realization, “does Handsome Delight not exist here?”

“Never heard of them!” Wade confirms, shaking his head and starts typing away on his phone. “Aaaaand Google here only pulls up a very adorable cake when I search that name.” He shows his screen to Logan, who grumbles in frustration after squinting at the results.

“You’re fuckin’ kidding me.”

“Why? What’s up, buttercup?”

“Shit. The damn song’s stuck in my head but I only know that stupid part.” He groans at himself, throwing his head back onto the couch, miffed that he can’t scratch the song’s itch like he thought. “I was hoping I could put it on repeat so I’d finally get it out of my system.”

“Sorry, peanut!” Wade pats his shoulder. “If it helps though, I can sing anything you want to rid you of the earworm plaguing you! I’ll be your personal jukebox!”

His answer is automatic. “I’d rather chop my ears off.”

Wade, obviously, starts singing anyway.

“You are! My fiiiire—”

Logan promptly sticks a claw into each ear. He might have pushed a little too far and nicked his brain a bit on both sides, which is just fine because the injury causes him to briefly pass out, a good solution as any at this point.

The last thing he sees is Wade’s comically dismayed face.

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Logan accepts that this universe is just weirdly different after one more incident.

He and Wade made it home too goddamn late last night after finishing a job that took way too fucking long, which meant they both pass out for a solid eight hours and wake up well past noon for their first meal of the day. Althea had already left to do her own business (Logan never asks her what she’s up to, and he’s probably better for it) and took along Mary Puppins, so it’s just him and Wade in the kitchen.

Wade’s already sitting at the table, digging into something from a silvery packet when Logan shuffles by.

“Mornin’, peanut.”

“Hrm.”

“Figured I’d get some real food later, but I’m too damn tired right now, so, y’know—” he lifts up what Logan finally sees is a Pop-Tart, “—Pop-Tarts.”

Logan assesses that he is also too damn tired to actually cook himself a meal, but also too hungry to ignore his appetite. He combs through the cupboards with a quiet hum until he can kick his ass to get some real food. He eventually decides to follow Wade’s lead to eat something now and order more food later, going to the cabinet and bypassing Wade’s stock of sugary children’s cereal for the Special K.

“Not digging into the Raisin Bran, old man?” Wade teases.

“I may be old,” he tosses right back, “but I don’t need to act like it too.” He grabs the milk (a new carton because Althea chewed Wade out last time), a bowl, and a spoon, bumping the utensil drawer closed with his hip. Then, he makes his way to the kitchen table to sit across from Wade.

As always, he pours the milk first.

“Logan,” Wade says slowly, his eyes growing wide with what looks like concern, “why the fuck are you pouring the milk before the cereal?”

“Because that’s how you’re supposed to do it.” Logan shoots him a bewildered look because that’s how everyone does it? He’s pretty sure it’s common knowledge to pour the milk first so you get an even distribution of crunch. He’s adding the cereal in when he asks, “What the fuck are you on about?”

Wade’s horrified gaze flickers back and forth between Logan and his bowl. “That’s so fucking cursed.”

At this point, Logan doesn’t bother dignifying that with a response, digging into his bowl with a dismissive grunt and shake of his head. He very purposefully ignores the implication that people on this planet pour the cereal first.

Now that’s fucking cursed.

Logan may have been engineered to be a wild animal, but he’s not a goddamn savage.

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&1

Logan finds out that Dolly Parton is still alive on this planet.

He considers forgiving the cereal before milk bullshit just for that.

——————————————

(More notes on Ao3.)

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

what do you think is the line between friends and moirails for trolls? I was never sure how to feel about it, it seems so nebulous. also any idea what's with feferi trying to invite kanaya and karkat into the horn pile with her and sollux? like based on the description of moirallegiance that sounds like... infidelity. but it didn't seem like the trolls reacted that way.

What it ultimately comes down to is the fact that Homestuck is a story, and furthermore, one pervaded by things like fate and destiny, which are real and exist within its universe, and therefore, the moirails for each of our trolls has already been decided by destiny (the author).

But also, in a less meta way, the confusion you're feeling likely stems from the fandom misconception that a moirallegiance is just an extra best-friendship, which it is NOT. The stated function of a moirallegiance is to calm each other the fuck down, in order to prevent them from hurting themselves or others. It's this pacifying effect, and not whether or not they hop into piles and talk about feelings, that defines a moirallegiance.

Trolls are a very angry and violent race. Some are more hot-tempered and dangerous than others, to the extent that if left to their own devices, they would present a serious threat to society, or even to themselves. Such trolls will have an instinctive pale attraction to a more even-tempered troll, who may become their MOIRAIL. The moirail is obliged to pacify the other, to function as the better half. The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful.

Piles of stuff and feelings jams in them are associated with moirallegiance, but are not "something you only do with your moirail" - like getting coffee or holding hands are associated with dating your matesprit/human romance partner, but not exclusive to them, and, in many cases, not a form of infidelity (although they can be). For what it's worth, Eridan does call Gamzee's horn pile in the middle of the room a "vvulgar display," like Gamzee's chucked porno mags everywhere:

ERIDAN: wwhat a fuckin vvulgar display this is ERIDAN: airin out all his dirty laundry like that puttin a big fuckin pile a horns in the middle of the room ERIDAN: at least i got the upright basic decency to hide my shitty wand pile somewwhere in the lab you wwont find it dont evven bother lookin KARKAT: WHY DO YOU ASSHOLES HAVE PILES OF THINGS, JUST STOP.

So what Feferi's doing with Sollux is less "hey, come cheat with me on Sollux," and more "hey, wanna third wheel our date?"

Moirallegiance is about the "instinctive pull" and the pacification of both partners. Also, moirallegiance is very much romantic. The comic uses the word "platonic," but I think what it means is "chaste" - moirallegiance is not involved in reproduction, so there is no requirement or social expectation for physical intimacy; however, if it weren't a form of romance, it wouldn't exactly be a type of troll romance, would it?

Failed moirallegiances do not have this calming effect: Kanaya doesn't stop (or even really attempt to stop) Vriska from doing her Vriska bullshit at all, and in fact Vriska gets MORE agitated when talking to her:

AG: Ok, so you're spying on me. Kind of creepy! Man, m8y8e you should get a l8fe. AG: Or you know, if you're so h8gh 8nd might8 an8 th8nk you're so gr8at, m8y88 you c8uld oh I d8n't kn8w........ AG: TRY AND ST8P ME FROM DO8NG B8D THINGS????????

The same can be seen with Feferi and Eridan:

CC: Is t)(ere a lucky lady you are waxing scarlet for? CC: OR LUCKY F-ELLOW??? 38O CA: uh CC: Tell me! CC: Don't pretend you're all -EMBARRASS-ED SUDD-ENLY!!! CA: ok fef CA: this is NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS

And with Karkat and Gamzee:

KARKAT: DON'T YOU START WITH ME KARKAT: DO. NOT. START WITH ME. KARKAT: I WILL GET YOU IN A HEADLOCK SO TIGHT IT WILL BE A MIRACLE IF PEOPLE DON'T MISTAKE OUR TUSSLE FOR AN ILL CONCEIVED VENTRILOQUIST ACT. KARKAT: I WILL SHOOSH YOU AGAIN, SO HELP ME GOD. I WILL SHOOSH YOUR CLOWN ASS TO SHANGRI-BULLSHIT-LA AND BACK, AND FILL YOUR EAR WITH MY WHITE HOT PALEBRO SPITTLE. KARKAT: I AM FULL AND FUCKING WELL PREPARED TO GET CONCILIATORY WITH YOU AGAIN IF YOU SO MUCH AS PASS GAS MURDEROUSLY, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? KARKAT: IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT??? DO I NEED TO CALM YOUR FAYGO-STICKY TENTSQUATTING SHIT DOWN AGAIN???? GAMZEE: naw brother, i was just about to all say for you to try and get your settle down on, maybe. GAMZEE: :o(

And what makes Equius and Nepeta so successful is that Nepeta keeps Equius's tendency towards fury in check, while Equius keeps Nepeta out of harmful situations (although he's maybe doing a bit too much of that and could afford to step back):

EQUIUS: D --> As such, he is prone to being more violent and unpredictable than any of us EQUIUS: D --> Not everyone has been as lucky as I in the domain of moirallegiance

AT: iT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST, AT: tHAT YOU LISTEN TO HIM, AC: :33 < i dont know AC: :33 < you think so? AT: wELL, AT: iF YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO HIM BEFORE, AT: yOU MIGHT HAVE PLAYED GAMES WITH US BEFORE, AT: aND SOMETHING BAD MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU,

And Feferi and Sollux work because Sollux is prone to excessive self-loathing, which, mixed with his mage powers of prophesying/invoking the future, make for a cocktail of potential harm to himself and others. Talking with her keeps his head above the water (heh) and forcibly prevents him from wallowing in self-loathing:

SOLLUX: anyway, yeah, now that aa ii2 gone forever ii feel more depre22ed and u2ele22 than u2ual, and ii wa2 already pretty cod damn u2ele22 two begiin wiith, let'2 face iit. FEFERI: But I )(ave it on good aut)(ority t)(at s)(e is fine! FEFERI: Everyt)(ing is going to go swimmingly, YOU'LL S-E-E. 38) SOLLUX: you are 2o riidiiculou2ly optiimii2tiic iit'2 kiind of 2iickeniing, why do you even put up wiith me? SOLLUX: iif you weren't 2o great ii would thiink you were a fuckiing iidiiot for liikiing me. SOLLUX: 2o, ii gue22 thank2 for liikiing me?

But even though these moirallegiances are ultimately doomed, there is some amount of pacification going on, making it difficult for the trolls to tell in the moment whether or not their pale relationship is true (Karkat does manage to stop Gamzee from murdering people, for example, but fails to address his religious beliefs and underlying trauma, whereas Gamzee can't calm Karkat down at all, so they end up drifting apart after the initial Major Problem has been settled).

The fact that it's a blurry line even for trolls is explicitly stated:

It's often ambiguous especially among young trolls whether a bond formed between an acquaintance is true moirallegence, or the usual variety of platonic involvement. Furthermore, romantic intentions of a more flushed nature can often be mistaken for paler leanings, much to the frustration of the suitor.

So this is kind of by design - part of adolescence, keeping in line with Homestuck's coming-of-age themes, is the messy romance. If it were easy to piece together, it wouldn't be true to life.

HOWEVER, that all being said, special notice does have to be taken of the way moirallegiance - moreso than even the other three quadrants - has an air of DESTINY about it. Trolls believe that every troll has one destined partner for every quadrant:

But if there was one theme to be hammered through his thick skull, it would be the trolls' cultural preoccupation with romantic destiny. Yes, the romantic landscape is rife with false starts and miscues and infidelities, red and black. But every troll believes strongly that each quadrant holds one and only one true pairing for them, and it is just a matter of time before the grid is filled with auspicious matchups through the mysterious channels of TROLL SERENDIPITY. In short, their belief is that for each quadrant there exists a pair or triad of trolls somewhere in the cosmos that were…

MADE FOR EACH OTHER.

So there's already a setup in this comic, which is so rife with prophecy and foreshadowing, that every troll is eventually going to end up with their true love/true hate - but even out of the four quadrants, moirallegiance is given special weight: first of all, it is the only quadrant that is literally translated as "soul mates":

This quadrant presides over MOIRALLEGIENCE, the other conciliatory relationship. A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose.

And second, it's called "mysterious" or "magical," even in direct comparison to black/red:

CG: AND ALL THE NUANCES OF PITY MANIFEST AS VARIOUS OTHER KINDS OF FEELINGS LIKE WHATEVER CHEMICAL REACTIONS TRIGGER MATING FONDESS OR THE MYSTERIOUS FORCES THAT ARE BEHIND MOIRALLEGIANCE.

You then proceed to have the rest of this conversation we already read, bugging and fussing and meddling through the special and magical union one can only describe as being in moirallegiance with another. At least, you guess that's how you would describe it. Maybe. Troll romance sure is confusing!

And we can't forget:

Such trolls will have an instinctive pale attraction to a more even-tempered troll

Which lends to the idea that there's a biological compulsion towards needing a moirail, same as how there's a biological draw towards finding reproductive partner(s).

But this is why I always tend to use "destined for" when discussing moirail pairs, and also why I focus specifically on which individuals calm other individuals the fuck down - like how Gamzee says he "feel[s] so at chill with" Tavros, or how Karkat goes from completely losing his shit to "yeah, so that's it i guess" after talking to Eridan.

[letsgobarbs]

Pairing: Tim Rockford x F!Reader

Summary: Convinced your husband doesn’t want you, you turned to Jack for some help. The situation unravels and all secrets come to light.

Content Warning: YOU 🫵 consider cheating on Tim. But you don't at the end. Maybe it's just a little bit of cheating if you squint. Jack is nothing but a plot device here. creepy neighbour alert. Reader has anxiety. voyeurism. mentions of divorce. classism from an unimportant side character. toxic family situations for all. both Reader and Tim are a bit fruity if you squint. arranged marriage. p in v sex. oral f!receiving. loss of virginity. there is an age gap, but even i don't know what it is, go with what you will.

Author’s Note: I was so deep in the Merge Mansion lore for this one. Found out Maddie’s grandpa was a spy or something which made me think of Jack. So, this entire thing turned out way different than what I thought it was going to be. I'm fairly new to both writing and Tumblr so reblogs and comments are always appreciated. This fic exists on my ao3 as well, but this version is just very very slightly edited. Not even slightly, it’s just re-read and adjusted.

divider by @saradika-graphics

INDEX:

Part I: An Affair For Research Purposes

Part II: I Love You

Part III: The Hero Of My Books

[pettyrevenge-base]

You bugged my car? Now you'll have lo listen to what I think about you: A Petty Divorce Tale.

This gem of a story unfolded over the past few days, and I think it’s too hilarious not to share.

(Not in the US or any other English speaking country.)

I have a friend—let’s call her Lisa. She’s in her 50s, has been married forever, and has spent way too much of that time putting up with her nightmare of a husband. Lisa had thought about divorcing him more times than she can count, but she always hesitated because she knew he’d turn the process into a living hell.

Well, two months ago, Lisa finally snapped. She decided it was time to break free and filed for divorce. Cue her husband—let’s call him Todd the Terrible—immediately proving her right by going full-on paranoid spy mode.

First, he installed surveillance cameras all over their house, which, unfortunately, is technically legal in our country as long as he’s living there too. But Lisa’s pretty sure he also planted some illegal listening devices because, get this, that’s the exact advice he gave his brother during his own divorce.

As if that wasn’t creepy enough, Todd took her car for two days because "it's the family car" (he never uses the family car, as he got his own car), right after she handed him the divorce papers . Plenty of time to slap on a GPS tracker or a few bugs, right? His excuse for all this James Bond-level nonsense? He claims Lisa is cheating (Spoiler alert: she is NOT).

But here’s the kicker—in my country, divorce means splitting everything 50/50 regardless, unless something truly extreme comes up. So even if Lisa were sneaking off to rendezvous with the entire team of Kansas City Chiefs, it wouldn’t change a thing. Todd's tantrum is entirely pointless.

Now, Lisa doesn’t have the time or money to check her car for gadgets, and the whole situation is understandably frustrating. So, I suggested the perfect petty revenge: turning his creepy surveillance obsession against him. Now, when she is in the car, she regularly puts on a show, loudly announcing gems like:

- "your d*ck’s so small that need a microscope to find what you're working with."

- "You’re the worst sex I’ve ever had. And I’ve had bad sex."

- "I feel sorry for your future dates - they'll need a search party to find any satisfaction!"

She’s tried it a few times now and tells me it’s more satisfying than therapy.

[mochiimadness]

Hey, I dunno if your still taking requests but I have one!

What about s/o having hair like Entrapta's from She-Ra? I would love to see how they would react to their s/o with that!

Hello, I'm sorry for the long wait! I'm finally getting around to answering old requests, before opening new ones.

I haven't seen She-Ra, but I did look Entrapta up, so I hope I haven't gotten anything wrong!

Neon Leon

Leo is both insanely fascinated over your hair-

But also, very very terrified at first.

Remember when Leo wore that blond wig that ended up being completely and utterly evil??

Leo does.

Leo has flashbacks of this when he first sees you using your hair to grab a mug off the counter that was just out of hands reach.

May or may not have screamed.

"S/o, I don't mean to freak you out but- YOUR HAIR IS CURSED!"

"What- wait no it's just-"

"Don't worry- I got this!" he says, as he whips out his sword

Cue panicked screaming from everyone in the room as Leo attempts to 'save' you

He really thought you were in danger okay-

After managing to convince Leo to not chop off your hair,

You have to explain to him that your hair isn't actually cursed by some weird dude looking to steal stuff

"I was born like this, I can just make my hair move and stuff."

Cue Leo's suspicious squinting.

He does believe you! He just cant help peaking around corners detective style to spy on your hair at first.

Once he gets use to it tho, he's got to admit, having hair you can use to grab things jussst barely out of reach is amazing!

His jaw drops when he realizes you can fight using your hair too-

Your hair wraps around a rather slippery warthog mutant and launches him several feet away

Leo is staring in shock and possible fear

They'd been trying to get a hold on that mutant for ages, and you just managed to grab him no problem???

And launch him like a soft ball???????

Mad respect

Enchanted/cursed hair or not, Leo's just glad it's not using you for evil!

Plus, you seem to be having fun, so he's cool with it now.

Don Tron

Donnie's insanely curious about your hair

Absolutely runs some tests and experiments (with your permission ofc)

He's seen you lift mugs and smaller objects-

But what's the weight limit???

Is it like a muscle that can be trained to lift more over time????

Is it possibly sentient?!

You let him come up with new theories

But as soon as the conspiracy board and red strings come out,

You're lifting him with your hair and carrying him away for a break.

He loves when you help him out in the lab

Using your hair to grab and hold tools or parts

It's similar to using his spider arms, but 10x better since it's his s/o helping him.

Your hair also inspires him to make a different version of his spider arm battle shell-

This one using a more fluid movement to match your hair!

He lowkey looks like Doc Oc...

Villains do their best to avoid you both

Having one person who can grab and yeet them away was bad enough-

But now there's two??????

They are sprinting as fast as they can

Not fast enough though!

You're able to use your hair to grab and swing from walls, catching up to villains with ease

Donnie's impressed, you didn't even need a tracking device!

You two also found out another trick you could do,

You're able to use your hair as a extra set of arms- so you both came to a realization

You could use your hair to hold more controllers.

You two need an extra player???

Bam, you're holding two more controllers

Donnie cackles manically every time you two score extra points using this method

Is it technically cheating????

Maybe

You can't deny it takes a lot of skill and practice to do though, so who cares?

Not you and Donnie, that's who!

Mystic Mike

:0 !!!

Your hair can move?!?!

Please please show him what you can do!

Absolutely loves seeing all your tricks

From lifting a mug, to scaling a building-

He thinks you and your hair are awesome!!

One day, he's literally in the middle of talking to you when he interrupts his own sentence in a huge realization-

"So then I chased them down on the shells hogs and- WAIT WAIT HOLD THE PHONE-"

"Holding."

"NOW ANSWER IT!"

"Hellooo?"

"You can use your hair to paint!!!!"

Cue both of you jumping up and sprinting to his room

You can, in fact, use your hair to paint!

Whether it be using your actual hair as a paintbrush,

Or holding multiple brushes and items at once!

It makes art time ten times more efficient- but also extremely chaotic

Sure, now you both have easy access to art materials, but now your hair can literally spin everything

The guys entered the living room one day and saw it absolutely covered in buckets of paint

You are now banned from holding stain causing items in the common areas and Donnie's lab.

When you two go fight together

Mikey quickly learns that you can use your hair to help climb and scale buildings

Which leads to you crawling upside down on a ceiling at full speed, with Mikey floating beside you, at enemies

There are high pitched shrieks whenever you join the battle

You may or may not be a local cryptid now.

"S/O, they're calling you a spider mutant!"

"Nice."

Big Red

Like Leo,

Raph also thinks your hair is alive

Though, he's more concerned than fearful

If your hair is alive, then should he ask it if he can pat your head??

You reassure him that your hair is not alive or sentient

He's still wary about it though

Definitely gives it suspicious looks when you're not looking just to test it

When you catch onto this though, you start moving your hair 'without your knowledge' just to play around

Raph shrieks

"I KNEW IT!!!"

You'll have to explain that you were just pranking him lmao

He does realize that your hair isn't alive eventually though.

Is genuinely impressed by what your hair can do

Especially when he realizes you can lift heavier objects too

If you're able to lift him with your hair, he'll scream

Definitely has a fanboy moment

"WHAT!? How is it so strong?!?"

Even if you can't lift him with your hair,

He's still impressed!

Throughout the day, you'll use your hair to grab things that are out of reach and hand it to him

Usually it's subconscious,

Like when he just barely got into a comfy spot after a long patrol and realizes his phone is just out of reach

You grab it and hand it to him offhandedly

Or when he's sleeping and the blanket slips off, you'll reach around to pull it back up and make sure he's covered

He appreciates these little gestures so much

Absolutely warms his heart and makes him a little misty eyed.

During battle,

He sees you literally form a fist shape with your hair and deck a rather aggressive yokai right in the face,

Sending them flying down the street

Raph will stop and stare in awe

"Woah!! S/O that's amazing!"

He's so proud of you

Then he realizes the hidden city police are making their way towards the two of you

Cue both of you hauling it towards the nearest portal

"GO GO GO!"

"I CAN'T GO BACK TO JAIL!"

Hey everyone, I'm going through my old requests and writing them. I can't promise I'll get to all of them, but I'll do my best when I have time!

Sorry for the huge wait, life got crazy

[massivechildtidalwave]

Tim did not grow up with supervision. His parents called and checked in maybe once or twice by phone per year before continuing on their adventures, often leaving him completely alone in a too big mansion.

Tim is after all A very smart boy, he’ll figure it out, and he did.

He learned about how money worked and how computers worked and how everything else worked.

He would likely never need a job because his parents were loaded but…. But he could see how having his own separate account from his parents would be beneficial, in the event he truly displeased them enough for them to disown him like they used to threaten him with after eventful galas, he wouldn’t be out on the streets.

Tim found his calling in building custom technology and tracking people down. Turns out spying on the Bats for photography had been useful. No one would buy any product from a kid even if it was Drake Industry backed which was a non issue when nobody in his life even knew he was doing it.

(most of the stalking was just hunting down cheating partners and not the Criminal he would catch as Robin. It was as infuriating as it was a relief, to have a break from the good fight being just a regular kid with an internet account.)

(most people didn’t consider stalking people online normal behavior; most people aren’t named Tim Drake)

⭕️

The Drakes had planned a trip to Italy for a year and surprisingly, Tim had apparently been “old enough to be useful” for the trip. He didn’t have high hopes and being ditched at an apartment complex owned by the family for the next year shouldn’t have been such a betrayal. It felt like it was.

The only real good news was that the Big Bat had finally gotten help and therefore would not need Tim’s Robin anymore. He had Damian now. All the Wayne’s were in Gotham where they belonged, breathing. Tim had done his part perfectly!

Tim powered up his computer, set his equipment around his new stomping grounds and went back to work in order to chase away his boredom….. only the work seemed to be different then in Gotham.

Tim had started gaining requests to find “Traitors”, like Mafia Traitors…. He was Robin, he shouldn’t be helping the Mafia by tracking down their victims for them…. However he wasn’t truly Robin anymore, and on second look the Traitors had actually done horrible things.

Huh

Who knew most Mafia Families had themselves morals? Though it did depend on the group. He also gained an increase in orders for machinery. Guns and more guns and trackers and capture devices. Tim kind of felt like HE was the Drug dealer of the group. (“what can I get you” *dramatically unzips long jacket* “got the good guns, the great trackers, which ya want��)

⭕️

In Tims defense, it wasn’t his fault he figured out about Flames..

He had gotten jumped in the city, of course he had, and he may or may not had reacted badly to a gun being shoved in his face so far from home. Now his hands were glowing purple.

He needed information and who better to ask than the Mafia.( he hadn’t slept in two nights when he thought of this plan)

but he couldn’t just ask them. No! That would be risky, dangerous, he didn’t raise himself to be an idiot, so he broke into their computers. and damn was it protected! It took him two hours to break in instead of the thirty minutes he thought it would but he managed it.

With knowledge of Omertà and everything he could find about Flames, Tim decided he needed to find a group to hide in if it ever called for it…. His first choice. The Varia. But not just the Varia, the research and technical support wing of the Varia. It had originally been a “if I ever need it” but Tim had gotten bored again and now here he was, taking the tests needed to enter the organization.

it’s ok though, he’s smart. He’ll figure it out like he always did.

[therealmofadisneyfangirl]

Kim Possible

Tick-Tick-Tick Episode #1

Hi! My name is Deanna Winchester mulitfandom (more then one fandom) blogger I decided to

create my very first blog post review of Disney’s Kim Possible.

My author block delayed this long running pop culture review.

This is actually the first episode to ever aired but of course it aired out of order on the Disney Channel.

It first aired on the Disney channel USA on June 14, 2002. Toon Disney premiere: April 11, 2005.

Kim Possible was and is my childhood show it amazing to review all episodes. This is a fun rewatch that I actually enjoyed.

Kim Possible is one of my favorite Disney animated character, it exciting to watch this show and revisit it.

I rewatch this show i never thought though to do an episode review. This is a good idea this is also my comforting show when adulting goes too far.

The episode Disney plus synopsis is I insert a screenshot down below

We first introduced to Kim Possible our heroine, the main character but also a spy.

She also has normal life as a high schooler but has no alter ego. She is a cheerleader.

She describes as she can do anything!

Anyway let begin the first episode!

The episode start with Kim Possible anxiously being late as she rush past several people as she went to her locker as she waiting for her assignment to be printed. She is anxiously like come on print please.

Only you think it her assignment to her confusion no it just her best friend Ron Stoppable printing cheat codes for a video game. Kim rightfully so is overwhelmed she has 30 seconds to print her History assignment she is annoyed by Ron. Ron was a comedian in this episode. Ron was so entertaining.

Course as the real paper was about to print there is a paper jam, Ron is nothing to fear Rufus. The viewers are like who the hell is Rufus, it turned out Rufus is Ron’s pet naked mole rat. Kim had doubts until Rufus did his magic, the paper was saved. Yay! Kim is excited and happy that her paper is saved.

Until Kim’s luck was put to test. Kim is stressed and is under lot of pressure she can’t afford to be late.

Unfortunately she rush into the school grumpy staff member Mr Barkin.

It turned out revealed by the audience Kim has been not late for third time she is also on this guy bad side a recipe for disaster. Kim much to her dismay, is ordered detention.

Cut to the badass theme song opening. Christina is such a good singer.

Meanwhile at Possible house we are introduced to Kim family. Her younger mischievous geniuses twin brothers Jim and Tim are introduced her parents are introduced Kim herself revealed the facts her parents are brain surgeon and rocket scientist. Kim told her parents the truth she is not happy she got detention what she is good at. Kim you are good at being a spy badass!

One of her catchphrase no big was introduced

We are introduced to the first time of Wade and the communicator.

Wade assign her to her mission in South America much to her parents dissatisfaction however she gave her puppy dog eyes which be a running gag for the series

She can go yay!

New details are revealed the villain characters Shego all in the first episode.

Kim is not aware who she is yet like who is that she is good.

Kim and Ron visit the professor lab I assume it was emergency. 🚨

Kim ask what was stolen even the professor does not know

Something is fishy. Kim and Ron will solve it. Kim suddenly has an idea she saw on the footage of Shego stealing the device.

The device project is revealed to be the Tick. Course Ron screamed it brought back bad case of summer camp memories which you believe it or not will be foreshadowing for later Season one episode.

That camp and Ron are connected my dear readers. Camp Wannaweep and Ron are sinisterly connected.

The tick was not alive according to the professor it was a digital blue print it was a cyber genetic Tick will be in comparison to the real thing. The professor created a robotic tick. Ron ask why

Professor say he have lot on his time fair enough.

Who will need a robot tick? The key to your question Kim is your arch nemesis villain DR. Drakken

Cut to his evil lair

Shego fell from a trap door. Cut to Shego and Drakken dialogue which is the best banter ever.

Kim say she has wrap up the conversation soon due to detention. Wade keep teasing her until Kim say to Wade can we continue the mission. Wade was like okay.

Then Wade revealed more information about Shego to Kim i forgot to add

Drakken is furious that he reveal his evil plan to Shego to build a robotic tick.

Course Kim was interrupt by Barkin. Kim found herself in detention shenanigan ensures.

Funniest moment in this episode the clock is messed up, Kim had good dialogue herself.

Course leads Rufus to the rescue who causes a distraction. Kim managed to escaped.

She thanks Ron for rescuing her with the best plan out letting Rufus out! Course he gave credit to Rufus who was the hero,

Wade access more information about Drakken and Shego that lair is in the Caribbean. Wade say myth say the island is haunted. Much to poor Rufus who hide in the soda cup. Ron was excited about new gadgets. Ron get blasted by the gadget that disguise as lipstick for being nosy. Rightfully so.

Banter between Kim and Ron, Ron is now scared of spy gadget. Kim assures him it just regular makeup

Cut to Drakken lair. Shego shouts intruder alert course Drakken is in his own world.

Kim and Ron get captured course Drakken heard of the teen heroine Kim Possible,

Not Ron. Poor Ron. Chum is friend it least they know you and Kim are team Ron. Course Kim literally does not know who these guys are. Now it started to rang a bell. Kim say you something that does not belong to you

Course cut to Kim and Ron threatened by villains threats to be shark food. Course Ron is a comic relief he has good one liners. Kim saved the day and use the spy gadget on the shark. Kim escaped much to the villains dismay.

Shego does not know what nano technology is.

Course Shego found out they escaped cut to her and Kim fight sequence, Kim saved the day by using her spy tech the lair exploded, she and Ron jump. Mission Impossible vibes. Kim is in her cheerleading uniform. Once again Kim speak to the professor, the professor thank her. She say no problem course Barkin is not stupid another round of detention. Kim is not pleased. The nano tick somehow appeared on Kim nose. Kim escaped because it emergency

Course Drakken is on her trail, Barkin is on her trail. They leave on Ron’s scooter who is not fast. It chaotic sequence. Kim saved Barkin because Drakken is trying to get her with this evil genius ray. It a mess.

They end up at Bueno nacho. Kim has the best sarcastic dialogue at Ron who is focused on food.

Ron plus food who is shocked. Course Drakken and Shego argued like a married couple.

Course Shego and Kim have their first real fight, Wade trying to get nano robot off Kim.

Kim got the upper hand Shego end up on Barkin.

Stakes are high. It intense. Kim nose will blown. Wade is problem solving except Ron has an idea. Diablo sauce he put on Kim nose which finally is off her nose. She threw tick at Drakken device which go Boom!

Which lead to Drakken iconic villain phrase quote. The police capture Drakken and unconscious Shego long story got knocked out by Kim detention associates.

Kim is back at detention which lead to most iconic moments tough but fair call back from early scene go.

Funny moment assures , Kim is getting her detention associates now friends a manicure and Barkin get outnumber. Ron say Kim factor is not a rule for detention. The episode end cut to iconic end credits of the closingcredits.

The episode was really fun I enjoy it i rate it 10 out of 10.

💯💯💯

The cartoon Kim Possible rules!

Seen you all next time for episode two review.

Enjoy! I hope you all have a great afternoon.

[aquaburst3]

The thing about me being in my late twenties is that I'm at a point in my life where I look at the Helluva Boss characters as peers instead of older adult figures. Exactly like a lot of the Marauders Generation of Harry Potter. Honestly, Blitz and Stolas are both immature assholes, being on par with Ted Mosby from HIMYM.

Blitz is a self-sabotaging tsundere who pushes his loved ones away whenever something is bothering him to protect his own self image. He's overly controlling. He often spies on Millie and Moxxie while they're out on a date, sleeping or having sex to live out vicariously through their loving relationship. Seriously, who does that? He also uses Stolas to spy on Millie and Moxxie's date. His relationships often go up in flames due him ghosting people and doing shit like stealing someone's car for a joyride. (He actually reminds me a lot of Ace from Twisted Wonderland in that sense, considering he ghosted his ex girlfriend instead of breaking off the relationship himself. Only difference is that Ace is a teenager and Blitz is an adult.)

Stolas is a self-absorbed narcissist. He loves throwing himself a self pity party at the drop of a hat, but he doesn't care about how his self-gratifying behaviour affects those around him, including his own daughter.

Octavia clearly tells Stolas how his cheating was taking a toll on her and he apologizes for it, but yet Stolas’ overall behaviour doesn’t change in the slightest. In Seeing Stars, Octavia asked Stolas about going to see the stars like he promised, but he ignored her in favour of arguing with Stella. So instead of putting the phone down and focusing on his daughter, he just brushes her off to focus on his own problems. Also, why is Loona the one to do everything in her power to find Octavia and not Stolas? Stolas could have simply transported them both to a different location to get away from the showrunners to find his daughter instead of watching Blitz be in a sitcom. Objectively, it tells us Stolas is prioritizing this affair between him and Blitz over his relationship with his daughter, which is awful in every way.

Worst of all, he's using his power and status to strong arm Blitz into an agreement where he has to have sex with him once a month in order to use the Grimoire for his business while Blitz is running for his life. Blitz only agrees, because that's his and his employee's source of income on the line. Even if this arrangement was just dinner dates instead, it would still be sexual coercion, which is a form of SA, since he's still someone in a position of power taking advantage of someone who can't say no. Hell, Stolas even guilt trips Blitz into pity sex with him for their first time together! (Again, Blitz was in the wrong there as well, since Stolas was drunk and not in the right frame of mind. But that still doesn't excuse what Stolas did either, especially since Blitz was uncomfortable with the whole ordeal and didn't want to sex with him before he manipulated him into doing the act.) He constantly belittles and talks down to Blitz instead of talking to him as an equal, which visually makes him very uncomfortable. Honestly, if Blitz was a girl their relationship would be super uncomfortable. Hell, their relationship is exactly like Val/Angel, except with them it's viewed as toxic while with them it's true love.

Yes, Stolas is trying to get a device from Ozzie that would allow Blitz to traverse the human world freely. But, that still doesn't take away the ickiness of where their relationship started out, especially since he's the one who came up with it in the first place.

Blitz gets a pass. While he's a dick, it's due to his past trauma, including believing that he caused an accident that killed his mom, and those things are treated like flaws that he has to overcome to become a better person. That is how you write an effective character arc.

But Stolas? Not so much. He's the textbook definition of a woobie. Whenever there is a chance to call Stolas out for his actions and hold him accountable in order to make him grow, it's immediately dashed in order to let him completely off the hook and make us pity him. While I know that Stolas was originally intended to be a villain and that was changed midway through production, which is why he suffers from contradictory writing, it still doesn't excuse the writers dashing every opportunity to have him face the music for his actions now that he's a more heroic character. Actions have consequences, and that even goes for him.

(Said this before and I'll say it again, he reminds me of A LOT of Malleus from Twisted Wonderland. Both are powerful princes, who take interest of someone lower status than them, even if in Malleus' case it's in a platonic sense in canon. They constantly do some very fucked up actions that affects those around them, but the narrative never has the balls to call them out and hold them accountable for their actions. Worst yet, anyone who does call them out is treated as the bad guy. They are both prone to being selfish. The only things that makes Malleus more tolerable compared to Stolas are that he actually does care about his loved ones and he's not using his royal status to SA someone.)

Honestly, if they were real guys around my age, I wouldn't want to be around them thanks to them being toxic douchebags, especially Stolas. Which isn't automatically a bad thing. I love plenty of characters that I wouldn't want to befriend or be around in real life. Hell, Blitz is one of my favs in the show, despite him not being the best person. But the way the narrative bends over backwards to excuse Stolas' actions makes him not only a bad person, but ungodly annoying, since it feels the narrative is gaslighting me into believing he's likeable.

I think the reason why the fandom doesn't look at them this way is because it's mostly made of up teenagers. (Which is kinda disturbing since this show is for an 18+ audience. Considering I watched South Park and read spicy fics when I was their age, I can't really judge. xD) These younger fans are looking at the show from the perspective of a child watching adults much older them instead of the perspective that me and others my age are viewing it. They don't understand how immature they are, because they are young and have a lot of growing up to do themselves.

It makes me wonder how these younger fans will view this show once they are the same age as me and are adults out in the real world. Would their life experience make them dislike those two as well? Or would they go the Yana Toboso stan route and find ways to make excuses for the shitty writing due to the story meaning a lot to them as teenagers? I hope it's the former, but it's more likely gonna be the latter.

While I'm taking inspo from this series for an original idea I'm brewing, I want to read some fix-it rewrites fic of this series. This series has a lot of potential, but it's being all dumped in favour of stupid writing choices.

[deltaruminations]

ive said it before but early 20-something royal scientist gaster is really funny like the underground definitely treats him like some kind of young hotshot disruptor he’s constantly being hounded by the press for photoshoots and interviews and there are like 5 super popular fanpages on undernet where people gossip about whether he’s single and write rpf about him and asgore, scrutinizing every photo of them together for signs of a secret relationship. STEM enrollments at hotland university increase significantly shortly after he’s hired. his aversion toward the press and unwillingness to speak on himself beyond the formalities of work only serves to further delight and enchant his fanbase. and when asgore, looking almost as heartbroken and defeated as he did when he lost his actual children, finally announces that the handsome young scientist has gone missing, the underground explodes with speculation and conspiracy. did he fall down? but no one just falls down at that age! was it suicide? was he overwhelmed by the constant pressures of celebrity intruding on his already stressful civic duties? was he a tragic figure of young adult workaholism, cut down before his time by a culture that fetishized his prodigious ambition and success at the expense of his health and needs as a young man? myriad thinkpieces are published in the coming weeks bemoaning the invasive institution of paparazzi reporting, and navel-gazing about the Cult of Youth, and criticizing the workplace culture, work-life balance, and mental health coverage for civil servants. meanwhile, more conspiracy-minded monsters wonder if it’s all a cover-up — was he “disappeared” after learning that the king was keeping them all down there on purpose, manufacturing myths about evil humans and unbreakable barriers as a means of control? or was he a spy for the humans, and his so-called “power plant” actually a mind-control device designed to inspire complacency? why even build a sustainable power plant if they’re all supposed to leave for the surface soon? or was the power plant actually a means to his ends — was he from another universe all along, one in which monster and human technologies were on par, and simply using his knowledge from that world to get ahead here? did he need the extra power to escape back into the multiverse? when the royal guard announces that they’ll no longer be actively investigating the case, a small group of civilians (mostly high school/college-aged kids and one very bored stay-at-home mom, all fanpage members) begin their own investigation, poring over records and releasing U-Tube (Underground Tube) videos and MonCasts (Monster Casts) with their findings and theories. the fanpages buzz with scandal: was he caught cheating on asgore and exiled — or killed — for it? he was last seen in public with someone they identified as a master’s student in the University’s music department — the oldest daughter of someone in the king’s inner circle. she’s subsequently forced to deactivate her undernet profile for a time to escape scrutiny and threats from hundreds of Royal Scienstans. of course within a few years interest wanes to nearly zero, attentions diverted to the hot, new up-and-comer — a shockingly soulful robot — though posts still crop up on imageboards now and then by monsters asserting that they caught a glimpse of him in the corners of their eyes while traveling through waterfall at night; or theorizing that the skeleton zealously calibrating puzzles in snowdin is not his “brother” but actually the missing scientist himself in disguise

[caliburn-the-sword]

finished reading scarlet; last thoughts and reactions and ponderings

was about to be like "ew wtf did not want r*pe in MY y/a book" AND THEN HE SLIPPED HER AN I.D. TO ESCAPE

thorne is SO real for only being concerned about his jacket despite human bites being very dangerous lol

why are these werewolves acting like vamps

it's kind of nice how cool thorne is with lunars with all the lunar hate there is - i remember when reading cinder being apalled about how she generalised them all as corrupt

YES SCARLET KNOWS SHE KNOWS NOW

NO NOT GRANNY I'M LITERALLY IN STUDY PERIOD RN I CAN'T CRY (note: i managed not to cry in study period but god my eyes burned for a while lmao)

tf i thought wolf was just being possessive in like a protective way against ran and not just a plain old possessive way. he's honestly making me nervous rn like goodness i can literally feel scarlet's fear rn. STOP WITH YOUR I CAN FIX HIM DISEASE AND RUN (note: okay he got brain fucky wucky by mind control so this isn't him)

HOLY SHIT THEY'RE ALL FINALLY MEETING I'M FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

i think kai is going delulu. i bet his office isn't bugged and he's got a spy. literally since cinder my money has been on torin. but maybe huy

omg kai's recognition of cinder's sacrifice by going to the ball <3

gotta agree with everything cinder's saying about kai's marriage because it's everything i've been thinking since kai decided to marry levana. i wish he would see how it's a bandaid for a stab wound. he's barely fixing a short term problem, which is gonna have the same long term problem regardless

the girls (all current pov characters) ARE FIGHTING. not mad tho because i'm a messy bitch who lives for drama <3

"She'd had the bridge built for herself out of very special glass, so that she could watch (...) all without being observed herself" levana YOU MEAN A TWO WAY MIRROR??? don't go acting all superior you're not special

from what wolf has described of his Tragic Backstory there is NO way he ISN'T a virgin. i'm so sorry that was my only takeaway but i'm trying to distract myself

"We met less than a week ago and in that time I've done nothing but lie and cheat and betray you" FKSDHFSDK sounds JUST like ouat rumpelstiltskin and yet he's STILL healthier than him and not toxic LMAO

wait did wolf need to pretend betray scarlet without her knowing instead of just making THAT the plan because those supersoldiers can smell hormones?? i bet they can. i reckon he needed her to feel REAL fear (note: now that i think about it it's probably just the bioelectricity crap but also ONLY the thaumaturge would be able to detect that???)

if i keep having to read "alpha female" with my own two eyes, i'm going to need bleach. marissa meyer you owe me financial compensation for the psychological distress i've been caused. 3 is in fact 4 times too many. it is a crime that it was ever thought into existence

predictions for cress

didn't do this last time between cinder and scarlet but figured it would be fun!! you guys get to silently laugh about how wrong i am, no spoilers

first off, doc erland's place in africa becomes the home base and cinder starts her training

someone tries to recreate garan's device since it will be useful for the rebellion - could be a joint effort between cinder and cress since they have the hardware and software down respectively. idk who's gonna fill the last role of like. bio stuff and the surgeries tho but we'll see

MORE THORNE BACKSTORY

definitely more wolf pov chapters now that marissa no longer needs to make him dodgy

cress is at least a LITTLE bit delulu wackers bonkers cray z lost her marbles etc etc from being so isolated for so long. i would LOVE to get into that mindset and character voice. would make for a very interesting pov

on reading the blurb:

i'm REALLY fucking dumb it finally occurred to me that in rapunzel the hero falls from the tower and gets blinded by thorns. so that tells me exactly who carswell thorne is (rip to when i thought he was the prince from sleeping beauty cause that's embarrassing). i wonder if he gets ejected into space from the satellite and his eyeballs freeze out of his sockets or something

i wonder WHY cress would be locked up by the queen BEFORE she was even able to hack since she wouldn't have been useful then. my first thought was that glamour doesn't work on her like with shells but she's not a shell herself but that wouldn't make sense because the thaumaturges seemed surprised by cinder and michelle benoit so it can't be that. for the sake of my running joke of every fairy tale character either being related or knowing each other, i'm just gonna pin it down to her being somewhere in the family tree and leave it at that

can these people STOP getting separated from each other?? i can't handle it. from the blurb it seems like the boys got cut off from the girls??? and then kai is also separated from all of them lol. this is a prediction only in the sense that i'm trying to guess who's getting separated from who. i think it would tie well into separating everyone from their love interest like poor cinder

i wonder if this will be the book that we meet princess winter since with royal etiquette and all that her presence will p r o b a b l y be required during all them wedding preparations and what not

@eddisfargo @francforever @winterrhayle @winterpinetrees

[ongolecharles]

DAILY SCRIPTURE READINGS (DSR) 📚 Group, Sat July 20th, 2024 ... Saturday of The Fifteenth Week in Ordinary Time, Year B

Reading 1

---------

Mi 2:1-5

Woe to those who plan iniquity,

and work out evil on their couches;

In the morning light they accomplish it

when it lies within their power.

They covet fields, and seize them;

houses, and they take them;

They cheat an owner of his house,

a man of his inheritance.

Therefore thus says the LORD:

Behold, I am planning against this race an evil

from which you shall not withdraw your necks;

Nor shall you walk with head high,

for it will be a time of evil.

On that day a satire shall be sung over you,

and there shall be a plaintive chant:

"Our ruin is complete,

our fields are portioned out among our captors,

The fields of my people are measured out,

and no one can get them back!"

Thus you shall have no one

to mark out boundaries by lot

in the assembly of the LORD.

Responsorial Psalm

-------------------

Ps 10:1-2, 3-4, 7-8, 14

R. (12b) Do not forget the poor, O Lord!

Why, O LORD, do you stand aloof?

Why hide in times of distress?

Proudly the wicked harass the afflicted,

who are caught in the devices the wicked have contrived.

R. Do not forget the poor, O Lord!

For the wicked man glories in his greed,

and the covetous blasphemes, sets the LORD at nought.

The wicked man boasts, "He will not avenge it";

"There is no God," sums up his thoughts.

R. Do not forget the poor, O Lord!

His mouth is full of cursing, guile and deceit;

under his tongue are mischief and iniquity.

He lurks in ambush near the villages;

in hiding he murders the innocent;

his eyes spy upon the unfortunate.

R. Do not forget the poor, O Lord!

You do see, for you behold misery and sorrow,

taking them in your hands.

On you the unfortunate man depends;

of the fatherless you are the helper.

R. Do not forget the poor, O Lord!

Alleluia

----------

2 Cor 5:19

R. Alleluia, alleluia.

God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ,

and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.

R. Alleluia, alleluia.

Gospel

-----------

Mt 12:14-21

The Pharisees went out and took counsel against Jesus

to put him to death.

When Jesus realized this, he withdrew from that place.

Many people followed him, and he cured them all,

but he warned them not to make him known.

This was to fulfill what had been spoken through Isaiah the prophet:

Behold, my servant whom I have chosen,

my beloved in whom I delight;

I shall place my Spirit upon him,

and he will proclaim justice to the Gentiles.

He will not contend or cry out,

nor will anyone hear his voice in the streets.

A bruised reed he will not break,

a smoldering wick he will not quench,

until he brings justice to victory.

And in his name the Gentiles will hope.

***

FOCUS AND LITURGY OF THE WORD

As I sit here on my couch writing this reflection, my mind keeps coming back to a couple of questions:  Which one am I?  Am I a wicked one who sits on his couch, scheming how to get ahead at someone else’s expense (as in Micah); and then boasts proudly as he “glories in” accumulated riches (as in today’s Psalm)?   Or am I a gentle, Spirit-following soul who seeks to bring justice to all?  The reality lies somewhere in the middle of those two extremes, even though I hope like it is more to the justice-seeking side. 

If the choice is between (a) cheating, stealing, murder and blasphemy (evil traits described in Micah and the Psalm) or (b) caring, loving, and bringing justice, most of us would emphatically declare “B”!  However, we rarely find ourselves called to decide between such extreme options.  Instead, we find ourselves confronted with a series of smaller choices each day, and we may not recognize how our choices direct our paths.  Too often time is spent on the couch, binge-watching a show, considering potential vacation destinations, or thinking about home enhancements or a new car, when it should be spent off the couch actively seeking to do God’s will.

Christians are called, as I John 2:6 reminds us, to live as Christ lived.   I marvel at those individuals who emulate Christ as they interact lovingly and compassionately with co-workers, grocery store clerks, restaurant workers, crotchety neighbors, difficult family members – in short, with everyone in just about every situation.  Their actions appear effortless and natural, and perhaps it seems so because I know how effortful and unnatural those actions seem when I try them.  A useful parallel can be found in music.  When a great pianist plays a beautiful piece, the music almost flows from their fingers.  My musician friends tell me how much they dislike it when someone attempts to compliment them by saying “I wish I could play like you” because they are tempted to respond: “No, you don’t, or you would work really hard to do so.”  The less informed may think that the beautiful music is just because of talent, a gift from God; but the musicians know that, in addition to talent, many, many, many hours were spent practicing scales, eliminating wrong notes, and developing intimacy with their instrument so that playing becomes second nature.  Even then, they keep practicing so that their artistry continues to seem effortless.

If I really mean it when I claim that “I wish I could live a Christlike life” like the people at whom I marvel, then I need to put in the necessary work so that it becomes second nature.  I must practice showing love, extending forgiveness, and seeking justice on a regular basis.  Fortunately, God provides ample opportunities to practice each day with multiple small situations that allow me to work on the basics (practice the scales, if you will) and to eliminate the mistakes (and there will be mistakes).  My planning time on the couch (to revisit the Micah metaphor) should be focused on developing intimacy with the Holy Spirit who will work with me and through me to bring justice.  As I demonstrate trustworthiness in a few small things, Matthew 25:21 indicates that I will be trusted with more and bigger chances.  Even more exciting, many of the small things – that is to say, things that seemed small to you – will turn out to be really big things for someone else.  

***

SAINT OF THE DAY

Saint Apollinaris

(d. c. 79)

Saint Apollinaris’ Story

According to tradition, Saint Peter sent Apollinaris to Ravenna, Italy, as its first bishop. His preaching of the Good News was so successful that the pagans there beat him and drove him from the city. He returned, however, and was exiled a second time. After preaching in the area surrounding Ravenna, he entered the city again. After being cruelly tortured, he was put on a ship heading to Greece. Pagans there caused him to be expelled to Italy, where he went to Ravenna for a fourth time. He died from wounds received during a savage beating at Classis, a suburb of Ravenna. A beautiful basilica honoring him was built there in the sixth century.

Reflection

---------

Following Jesus involves risks—sometimes the supreme risk of life itself. Martyrs are people who would rather accept the risk of death than deny the cornerstone of their whole life: faith in Jesus Christ. Everyone will die eventually—the persecutors and those persecuted. The question is what kind of a conscience people will bring before the Lord for judgment. Remembering the witness of past and present martyrs can help us make the often small sacrifices that following Jesus today may require.

***

【Build your Faith in Christ Jesus on #dailyscripturereadingsgroup 📚: +256 751 540 524 .. Whatsapp】

[garbagequeer]

i see your Nationalposting and as a fellow Longtime National Fan I would greatly like to know your favorite Old National songs/lyrics <3

hi!! im not sure what's considered Old the national so i'll go with anything before high violet and i'll leave out the ones that feel like obvious common favorites (about today, slow show, mr november and fake empire all of which i love). and i'll order them by album because i wrote my answer and now it's annoying me that it's in a random order

from the national:

i love the lines on bitters and absolute that go "if i were a spy in the world inside your head / would i be your wife in a better life you led" i think because it builds a good rhythm by using rhymes not only between lines but also inside the same line (wife and life, if i and spy) and a little alliteration by using 4 W words in so little space. it gets stuck in my head so much because it's so catchy phonetically

i'll also say 29 years which feels like cheating bc it couples with slow show but i love the imagery of this song and also the sound of the feedback and guitar in the background is so beautiful (i read somewhere they made it by stroking the cords with a fork but idk how true that is. if true i <3 getting weird with guitars)

THE PERFECT SONG. they really made a perfect song about not finding the perfect song. i love the "shallow minded adult tricks but i know there's a river in me" line and the general theme of this song. no notes it's the perfect song fr i cant talk about this one

from sad songs for dirty lovers:

murder me rachel (love the ribbons imagery and if anyone knows any other songs that uses that id love to know about them... send ribbon songs for my ribbon songs collection please. so far i've got this one, describe by perfume genius and sober by lorde)

lucky you because i love a pathetic ass state of mind forever

it never happened because it is perfect for a somewhat sad walk around the neighborhood and i love the line "now nobody's funny / no god, they took our fashion week" in part because of the twist of mentioning fashion week which is always a little funny when describing all these horrible things that get them depressed (feeling very old, nothing being funny, no god) and the "what to my wondering eyes should appear [dramatic pause] ...nothing" because it is equally funny while serious too. i also love how it changes sound halfway through i love a song with parts.

from alligator:

i adore the menacing lyrics to city middle about having money and ideas and being worked up and drunk/high and wanting to "gator around the warm beds of beginners" and the vague and hazy images of these people pissing in a sink or confessing things. and i like how it builds to being louder as it progresses following the story from the menacing beginning where it seems these people are going to do some damage to other people over this calmer melody to a more anxious melody/repetitive lyrics where instead we find them to be doing damage to themselves. normal binge drinker experience

i love the general frantic desperate energy of abel and the lines "you turn me good and god-fearing / tell me what am i supposed to do with that" and "i see water on the bridge / well, you better hold my hand through this". i love the general conflicting feelings in this song. i should live in salt's crazy older brother

from boxer:

green gloves <<<333 i think they were crazy for this one it's probably my favorite song about friendship ever

i love the line from apartment story about how the stereo "sings to itself of its long lost loves" i think it's a really fun device but also works perfectly in context to depict the sway certain things like art or beauty have over our perception of our lives and how we use these things as covers and crutches to deal with the mundane dissatisfaction of working life. i also like how first he seems more dismissive of the stereo which is just doing "whatever it does", which to me shows the distancing tired adults have to these artistic or beautiful things due to the reality of their lives and a certain level of cynicism. I also really like the first verse with the couple getting ready to go out and the little lines that indicate frustration with this ritual ("i try and try to pin your flowers on", "i can tie my tie all by myself" for offering a similar contrast between appearances and feelings

i'd love to hear someone else's thoughts on favorite songs and lyrics from the national btw so you can send you favorites if you want :^)

[zooterchet]

Stages of Ethic

Preschool: Disturbed by the classroom placement schema, in parent company and success thereof, through athletic cheats in track and field.

Elementary School: Believed deeply in sciences and biome tests, to be performed without parent advice, assistance, or informing, instead as private assignments to be attempted for own self-sufficience; at cooking, automotive care, and insurance numbers.

Middle School: Introduction to the internet, and first person shooters; the game, as the learning device, to boost intelligence quotient, in mutual challenge at friendly sport; however of the mind, the proper physical fitness, not the body, the beaten nature of the lower development of the neurology.

Highschool: Hatred of holy wars; those spectral pledges, for a famine induced by wealthy wife of the patrician and centurion system, for a bridal broach; instead the poor, suffer as infantry, victim, and witness, the shutdown of farms for the halls of religion and country; not the common good, of the Catholic Catechism as promised; not refused and manipulated, by those princes held otherwise for hatred of rich girl netted as slave; and their lover, the handsome spy, a cunning and ruthless man.

UMass-Amherst: The concern of the racketeered good; the boycott to control contract, labor, location, good, and contraband. The sharing of law in marital secrets, however marijuana shared in front of child; hence raids under racketeering statutes, by both propaganda's production, and actual law given politician of selectman and district attorney - under direction of mayor.

Bridgewater Triangle: The concern in creation of parent, to remove cycle of poverty downwards into military tradition removed, and instead the upward mobility and into this and inside, the practice outside the career. The refutation of the Lutheran, as peaceful and pacifist, against the common ilk and whetstone of the war, whatever your place may be; your right to make a career, as unique, not a simple action figure, the tool of the pederast.

SNHU: The application of all past sciences observed in highschool and college, to the writ of the advisor, as the superhero; to be interdicted and maligned, as the prime piece of protagonist in fiction. The hero, as the orphan, to be castrated and done aside, included in fiction as their power and base removed; hence the Judaism, out of Babylon, stands for rights of the African and the coloured; not the privileged and wealthy, advised by those in inner circle, instead to be done aside and crushed.

Biden: The false information through factory and warehouse workers, the homosexual working class, Marines, as to the nature of Islam, and the common tomfoolery on Trump's campaign; the common ignorant, as having ignored rights as privilege and assumed, instead of protected by own vote as other besides self, and constituency of family vote as the same, in supporting industries; all interconnected, the infrastructure; infrastructure being the subsidy of federal origin, to any good necessary to obtain for one person, being national, hence supported by the net profit of housing (any controlled or special substance, taught by police, in highschool, having supported shelters and industry; under bank removed ledger of digit, the food consumed from national farms).

[letsgobarbs]

Part III: The Hero Of My Books

Pairing: Tim Rockford x F!Reader

Summary: Convinced your husband doesn’t want you, you turned to Jack for some help. The situation unravels and all secrets come to light.

Rating: Explicit

Content Warning: YOU 🫵 consider cheating on Tim. But you don't at the end. Maybe it's just a little bit of cheating if you squint. Jack is nothing but a plot device here. creepy neighbour alert. Reader has anxiety. voyeurism. mentions of divorce. classism from an unimportant side character. toxic family situations for all. both Reader and Tim are a bit fruity if you squint. arranged marriage. p in v sex. oral f!receiving. loss of virginity. there is an age gap, but even i don't know what it is, go with what you will.

Author’s Note: I was so deep in the Merge Mansion lore for this one. Found out Maddie’s grandpa was a spy of something which made me think of Jack. So, this entire thing turned out way different than what I thought it was going to be. I'm fairly new to both writing and Tumblr so reblogs and comments are always appreciated. This fic exists in my ao3 as well, but this version is just very very slightly edited. Not even slightly, it’s just re-read and adjusted.

divider by @saradika-graphics

Part I, Part II

It had felt good to say it. No matter how this concludes, it felt liberating to confess. You tried your best to tamp down the little seedling of hope that still sprouted into expectation, “You don't need to say anything, I'm not expecting anything from you.”

You had been a coward, hiding your fears behind the books, and the writing slump, and the lack of sex, and the affair. You had been terrified of not being loved back because you had thought it was a weakness. Your weakness. It had only taken for your husband to think you were cheating for you to realise that, even unrequited, loving him was never a weakness. It was something you were good at. It was your craft, your skill, your art form. You would have never tainted it by cheating. After all, you had celebrated your art form one cheesy, smutty book at a time. The only reason you hadn't been writing well lately was because the distance with Tim had made you too antsy.

And it didn't matter if Tim loved you back. Sort of like it didn't matter whether you were playing singles or doubles if you only cared about playing some tennis. Love was your Olympic sport and you were a gold medalist.

“I love you too.”

Well, that changed everything.

“I can't believe you thought I didn't love you.” Tim came to stand in the doorway of your kitchen, even under the overly warm, ugly kitchen overhead light, you looked divine.

“I was trying to…”—you took a shaky breath—“make a move or something. And, it felt like you were pulling away. You did pull away. And I thought it was your way of letting me know you didn't see me like that.” Tim had moved close enough for you to see his dark eyes behind their black frames. It frazzled you to be so close to him again.

Tim felt his fingers twitch with intent and a faint tingling feel. God, tingles. He’d thought the sparks were only supposed to happen once you actually touched the other person, but here you were, setting him ablaze with that glazed, wondrous look in your eyes. You wanted him. Loved him. His hand came up to gently caress your face, his knuckles softly brushing over your cheekbones to your chin. Sparks. Tim couldn't grasp or hold you without this damn current making its way up his arm and doing his poor heart in.

“I'm sorry”—he unfurled his fingers over your cheek, tips grazing the soft skin under your ears, to gently hold your face—“for being a damn coward. Thought you wouldn't want anything with an old man like me”

“I’ve never wanted anything else. Or anything more.”

Tim angled his lips over yours barely grazing each other, his eyes met yours in a silent challenge. Then kiss me. And you did. You pulled him to you with a hand between his shoulder blades, gently sucking his lower lip to slot between yours. You could do this forever. Tim felt his knees buckle when you traced the tip of your tongue over his upper lip skimming over the bristles of his moustache. He leaned forward to brace himself against the counter behind you, trapping you in between, pressing you closer into his body while his tongue scraped against the smooth underside of your tongue. You broke the kiss with a gasp at the sudden sensation.

A pang of anxiety coursed through you, but it had no place under Tim’s adoring eyes. You incredulously soaked in the moment, tracing your fingers up his spine to entangle the hair curling at his nape. Your other hand rested over his rapidly thudding heart, feeling your own start to dance to his rhythm. The world slowly floated around you, correcting course and tilting on its axis until all your pieces snugly settled with him. Tim’s arm came around your waist as he nudged your cupped face back to his lips in another slow and sensual dance.

Tim rid you of your clothes, forming a trail as he guided you towards the bedroom with affectionate pecks and playful nibbles. Suddenly, he was everywhere, desperate hands palming and stroking your soft skin and mapping the features of your body. Tim charted his hand up the back of your thigh, thumb stretching out to graze the curve of your underbutt as he pressed feverish kisses down your neck. His cotton shirt felt delicious against your exposed nipples. He untucked his shirt as he took teasing nips at your clavicle breathing in the scent of your skin and body wash.

Both of your hands halted his movements, “Stop. I want to watch.”

You sat at the foot of the bed, the movement drawing your attention to the slick that had gathered between your legs. You would've worried about staining the sheets had Tim not taken off his shirt. You watched as he folded it in half before draping it over the dresser. You wanted to tease him about being shy now when he had just flung his fogged glasses across the living room earlier. But it was difficult to come up with words when you were admiring his side profile and the light scattering off his beautiful curls. You took in his furrowed brows as he unclasped his watch, his gracefully sculpted nose, his ruggedly patchy beard, and the freckles that dotted his shoulders and arms. It was unfair how lovely he looked.

“Look at me.”

Tim turned to face you with a quizzically raised brow, noting the command in your voice and the delightful shiver it sent down his back— filing away the moment to explore another day. Tim discarded his undershirt, and you appreciated the muscle in his throat that jutted out to form that hollow notch at its base, the smattering of salt and pepper chest hair that led to the soft swell of his stomach with the wispy trail that disappeared into his trousers.

He had never spent much time thinking about his body, but now he was tempted to peek in the mirror to see what had you so captivated. Tim leaned on a leg, an arm resting on his hip with his other leg stretched out before him to adjust himself, deliberately pausing to slowly palm his dick and stroke it through his pants. He slowly unbuttoned his pants but pulled his boxers down along with his pants, impatiently his mind went to more pleasurable and entertaining things he could be doing as he watched you lean back on the bed.

While Tim was downright pretty, the size and girth of it were intimidating. Realistically, you knew you could take it, but you were always a little scared of pain.

“Are we sure that’s gonna fit?”

Tim couldn't help but break into a little grin as he ran the back of his hand up your inner thigh finding it smeared with arousal.

“That's adorable, we’ll make it fit, baby.”

He joined you on the bed with more kisses as you both awkwardly shuffled upwards. Once you were propped up against the headboard, Tim’s mouth latched onto a nipple while a hand gently cupped the other; his wedding band felt cold against your heated skin making you arch into his mouth.

“Relax… touch your pussy for me. Make yourself feel good.” He whispered into your cleavage.

You rubbed tight circles around your clit mirroring Tim’s tongue as it swirled around your areolas, pausing to flick or suck your hardened nipple— he then gently bit down as he pinched and tugged the other unexpectedly hurtling you off the edge with a gasp.

Tim urgently kissed into your opened mouth, “Please, plea—” his voice broke into a lower octave—“please let me taste you.” He had spread your legs and plunged his head between your thighs before you had finished nodding.

Tim looked ravenous as he took in the sight of your folds, slick and wet. He lapped at the shiny inside of your thigh, savouring his first taste of you with an inadvertent moan. He took his time to graze his teeth against your skin, sucking in little marks into the crease of your pelvis, building his anticipation until you urged him with a roll of your hips.

Tim swept his tongue in a single long lick upwards, parting the lips covering your oozing slit and exposing the clit under your hood. You clutched at his hair and were rewarded with Tim moaning into the tip of your clit. He took his time exploring, guided by the sweet noises you made for him until you were nothing more than a pulsating, throbbing ball of aching need and nerves. You knew Tim was whispering praise into your cunt, but you were so far gone into the haze of pleasure that they went unheard. You didn't even realise when he had pressed two of his fingers down into your vagina while nuzzling your clit. He turned his hand palm-up causing his fingers to graze a spot inside you that hardened your body into a knot before you unravelled under his tongue.

You came to with colours still dancing underneath your eyelids, and your body still shivering in the aftermath of the violent tremble in your limbs. Tim was still pressing sweet kisses above your clit and around your most sensitive nerves soothingly rubbing his palms over your hip only for each stroke to form warm currents and more shivers under your skin.

“You think you can let me up now?” Your legs had wrapped around him to keep him there while you rode out the tremors of your orgasm on his face. It was tempting to just keep him there with your legs straining to frame the broad expanse of his shoulders while he sported his cheeky grin and glazed eyes. But when you reached out to thumb at his dimple you found his facial hair wet and the sudden urge to taste yourself on him gained Tim his freedom. He came up with a mischievous attempt to bite your hand that had been caressing his face.

On Tim’s lips, you were more scent than taste, musky and sweet mixed with the cool mint of his gum. You reared back.

“Did you have gum in your mouth while you went down on me? Because that would be psychotic.”

Tim huffed a warm laugh into your neck, “I don't know, do you wanna spend some more time looking for it in my mouth? You can even pat me down while you're at it.”

“Oh, detective, thank you for complying, we’re just following a process.” There was a teasing lilt to your voice. You sighed into his kiss while Tim rested the weight of him on you. You reached for his cock that lay between you, pressing heavy and warm on your stomach demanding attention.

“Not that procedure, not yet, wait. Just give me a minute. I've made a mess of myself.” Tim had given into the impulse of humping the sheets like he was a teenager again and was a hair-trigger from bursting. The gentle and chaste kisses did very little to stave off the urgent wave building at his spine when your hands were roaming over his back pausing to experimentally squeeze his ass. Naughty minx. But it allowed him enough reprieve to spread your thighs wider, draping them over his own before positioning his cock over your slit. His cockhead gave gentle taps to your clit that sent quivers down your spine. Just as you thought he would be pushing into you, Tim only lazily swayed back and forth gently rubbing his cock over the most throbbing part of you while you desperately clenched onto emptiness.

“The suspense is killing me, please just put it in me.” Your voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper.

“You’re tensing up on me, honey.” Tim flipped, carrying you over him in his arms.

“Take it the way you like it.”

You notched the tip of him against your slit, sliding down onto him. The heady rush of him stretching you out had your head rolling back, arching your tits back into his waiting palms. You teared up in frustration at a stabbing ache when you could not take more despite pushing yourself down, desperately wanting to be further filled. There was an itch that would be left so unsatisfied if he did not reach deeper into you, you felt so empty and blocked at the same time.

Tim found the little nub between your legs again insistently working it while spreading his fingers to cup the core of you that sheathed him halfway coaxing it to take him in. He guided you into a soft swivel with a warm, rough hand on your hips.

“Good girl.” Your pussy convulsed around him before easing down on him in a single swift motion that had the both of you gasping at the electric sensation.

“You take me so well, pretty girl.” Tim was content to let you find your rhythm. A warmth bloomed in his chest at the sight of you enjoying his cock, milking him for your pleasure as you looked down at him with darkened misty eyes.

“Should've done this way sooner. This pretty little cunt is made for me, isn't it?”

The yes’s poured out of you like a prayer, “Tim, it feels so good, please, please, please—” You were so so close, it just seemed as if the release was running away from you, you could cry. It was even more frustrating that Tim wouldn't do anything to help.

“Oh sweetheart, having some trouble are we?” You were vexed, he was enjoying your predicament. A smirk on his lips as you desperately tried to word your pleas to him. Irritated, you finally reached your hand between your legs where you were still frantically undulating over him.

“Tsk, I didn't say you could touch yourself. You're going to cum for me, do you understand?” Tim grasped your hand and encaged it with his own holding it over his abdomen even as you still struggled to reach your clit. His hips bucked up into you at the retaliatory scratch you gave him.

“Yes, please, Tim, just please, touch me, please make me cum.”

“I need you to say my name when you come, okay, Darling? Say my name, baby.” He seemed to have lost all his previous gentility with the quick pinch and tug he gave to your already hot and sensitive clit. You reeled off him as you came but Tim pulled you back down his cock anchoring you into him. You had been chanting his name before you went off the edge, but the orgasm had rushed up on you so fast that you were sure you had stopped breathing for a while, your cries still felt trapped in your throat. Or maybe it was Tim’s cock you felt all the way up into the back of your throat.

He was sitting up with you, still buried hot and hard inside your fluttering cunt. Tim rubbed little circles and patterns into your skin, sending jolts of pleasure to course through you.

“You didn't cum… I'm sorry, just let me—”

“Shh, Shh don't be sorry baby. I'm the one who should be sorry. You’re going to let me cum inside aren't you.” You knew he was asking, but his tone left no doubt that he would spill inside you. He had nothing to be sorry for, you wanted so desperately to feel his hot cum coating your walls. You wondered if he felt the involuntary spasm your pussy gave in a desperate attempt to keep him inside.

“Oh you liked that, didn't you? You're gonna be a sweet girl for me, won't you, babe? Let me use that tight little pussy to get off?”—Tim tightened his grip on your hips—“Be a doll and hold onto my shoulders okay?”

You weren't answering any of his rhetorical questions when he was bouncing you on his cock with quick sharp tugs.

“God, wanted to be a good, kind husband who didn't use his wife too hard on her first time. But this cunt is a trap isn't it, baby? I could live inside you for ages”

You did need to hold onto his shoulders after all. If the thought of Tim using you as nothing more than a cocksleeve to jerk off his cock wasn't hot enough, your previous orgasm hadn't entirely rolled out before another one hit. This time, you did scream his name. You also left scratches over his shoulder, biting into his neck to silence yourself.

The bite of pain finally sent Tim over the edge, as he grasped you further into him. For a moment, neither of you knew where he ended and you began. He could do nothing more than fall back into the pillows taking you down with him. He couldn't even muster up the strength to pull out, not that he wanted to. Tim stopped your devious fingers from teasing his nipples, opting to tip your chin up for kisses instead— craving an affection that didn't further stimulate the jolts of pleasure he was still feeling at the base of his spine.

You could feel Tim softening inside of you, sending a pang of distress to pierce through the fog of bliss at the thought of losing that physical connection to him. Your frizzled brain kick-started to interrupt the peacefully comfortable post-orgasmic haven with your husband.

“Could you hold me tighter?” Tim must've picked up the vulnerability in your voice because both his arms came around you to hold you in a tighter embrace. Your mind struggled to come up with words to fill the silence. It would be completely fucked to ask Tim if this meant they were together now. He did say he loves you but you didn't want to pressure him, maybe it was just sex. You were already married so what if he didn't mean it? But Tim was never one to say things he didn't mean.

You felt Tim trailing soft kisses on your forehead as he whispered, “You’re thinking too loud.”

“I still can’t believe you thought I didn't love you.”

“Well, you didn't seem attracted to me…”

Tim heaved a disbelieving sigh, rolling his eyes at you as he gave a sharp spank, “Oh, I'm attracted to you, alright.” He rubbed your ass to soothe the sting.

“Did you think I was just platonically cuddling with you on our couch watching shitty reality tv—”

“Hey, you enjoy shitty reality tv.”

“—Or that I’m just being friendly when I try to cook your Chinese order at home, you know I live off of takeout!”

Okay, maybe you have been a little stupid. Tim has scoured the internet and attempted so many recipes for your favourite Chinese dishes because the local Chinese restaurant always made your stomach upset. The next closest restaurant was a long drive away from Hopewell Bay. He had even driven you there when you needed your Chinese takeout fix.

“I'm still working on that Szechuan sauce by the way, I promise I almost have it, it’s good but it's not takeout quality yet.” Both of you knew it wasn't remotely going to be as satisfying as a takeout.

There was a niggling itch at the back of your mind, a reminder that you were forgetting something very important. You tried to shrug it off, if it was important it would come back to you, as you settled into smooching Tim again.

“Oh my God, Jack!”

“So do not want to hear another man’s name while you're kissing me.”

“I have something to confess…” Suddenly, you were terrified that Tim would change his mind about you. “I have been watching Jack have sex, I know it's totally weird and I thought I had a good reason— which it was not. But like I'm sorry, I know that's cheating because we're married. And oh my god I cheated on you. Like technically we weren't together together before tonight but I would've been upset if you did something like this for a job—”

“I know.”

“—Like I couldn't blame you obviously because we didn't even know that we liked each other but still.”—Your rambling came to an abrupt stop—“What do you mean you know?”

Tim pulled you down to lay next to him again, as he propped himself on an elbow to look down at you. His fingers gently tucked the strays of your hair behind your ear, thumb reaching out to wipe away the anxious tears you unwittingly shed.

“I felt bad for cancelling on you all the time…” His fingers fiddled with the lobes of your ears, coming down to caress your jaw, “Remember that one time you wanted to go to a shooting range? I said I'd go, but then I talked myself out of it at the last minute and cancelled on you—”

“Yeah, you said you had too much paperwork.”

“—Well, I felt horrible because you would've been alone there and I never wanted you to feel alone so I showed up anyway. And I saw Jack walking up to you and I was glad you were with a friend.”

“So you left?” He'd come all the way there and had turned around and walked away anyway?

“Yes, I know… But then that guy was everywhere with you. Thought you’d made a choice.” Tim shrugged off his comment but it didn't ease the ache that remained when he thought you had chosen Jack.

“So, I may or may not have followed him whenever you made plans to meet him.”

You tried, and failed, to suppress the giddy smile that spread across your face.

“You just, what? Stood there in the shadows somewhere, watching me watch Jack have sex?” Both of you burst into giggles at the scenario.

“My favourite was when he was with Jackie”—Tim couldn't help but laugh through his words—“and I saw you pull out this tiny pocket notepad like you were a critic taking notes. I don't even know how he performed under all that pressure.”

“Well, I probably didn't want to forget what I'd just come up with. Did you know he's helped me write out a mini-series of cowboy romances? Surprisingly good at coming up with angst.”

“That notepad was mine by the way, I’m gonna need it back can't investigate a crime scene without it.”

“Oh, yes, of course, did you want me to leave in the sexy notes I took or…?”

“Leave those in please, you never know. It's how we found Jack had some of the answers to the case. He’s all over the place, he slept with Jackie who had some scoop about the Boulton case, Isabel who worked on the Boulton mansion as an architect, Victoria who wants to buy the estate, and—”

You didn't know why Tim was obsessed with Maddie’s grandma and her case.

“Jack said he knew Maddie’s grandpa Charlie from when they were both working for that alcohol company—”

“Statesman.”

“—yup, something about Charlie being his mentor and friend.”

You burrowed into Tim’s chest feeling the vibration when he hmm’ed at your words, and pressed your lips to his warm skin. You hadn't imagined the evening would play out like this but you sighed in contentment as Tim ran his hands along your back, appreciating the soft planes and hills of your body before his hand came up to cup the back of your head and aligned your lips with his.

“I need to get into these books of yours, figure out how to star in one of them.” You chased his lips with a whine as Tim left you needing more.

“Please don't, it's embarrassing. If it helps, I do write about you.”

“Yeah?” Tim slotted a leg between the both of yours leaving you dazed at the feeling of his thigh pressing against your pussy. You gave an experimental grind of your hips, moaning at the exquisite feel.

“You’ll find”— You broke into a gasp when your clit found the patch of coarse hair on his thigh, adjusting yourself to rub the rest of your pussy across it—“You’ll find all my heroes take after you, Tim.”

He groaned, unsure of whether it was due to your words or because of the mess you were making on his leg. Perhaps both. He felt himself hardening again.

“Detective, will you please let me suck your cock?”

“Depends, be a good girl and get yourself off on my thigh baby, then I’ll teach you how to suck my cock the way I like it.”

Tim was tender yet strong, he could share laughs with you but also leave you breathless with his intensity. Sometimes, all he needed was a light touch to make you fall apart for him. And at times he would hold you together so tight in his arms, as if he had anchored your soul to his. It was no wonder he was the hero of all your books.

[rmu-vincent]

I will be watching you, Edgeworth.

Please refrain from such reckless actions, as I assure you, the entrances to RMU's premises are monitored and controlled, and stalking is a crime. Moreover, trespassing on private property to install or use any monitoring devices is a criminal offense, but you should be aware of it.

What truly bothers me are your true intentions. Is your desire to watch me jealousy-driven? Are you trying to blackmail me? I have heard people talking about recording some nonexistent proof of me cheating, which does not, in fact, have a reason to exist in the first place. Do you have some other malicious intent? Could it be that making me wary of my surroundings entertains you?

Still, it does not really matter. The only thing I should be concerned about is notifying the security department about someone trying to spy on RMU's students; what they will do with this information is none of my business, but I know that they take these issues with all seriousness.