#spouse and I have come to the conclusion that me getting too stressed makes me physically sicks

[secretsinthevoid]

Gotta love when being stressed out makes you sick for half the day 😮‍💨😔 (said sarcastically and tired)

[tireddovahkiin]

CW: VENT POST!!! mentions of depression/indirect mention of suicidal thoughts/unhealthy coping mechanisms

Y'all I've come to a conclusion that seeing self ship doubles MAKES ME MORE SAD THAN SEEING CANON X CANON SHIPS-

Like bc- they actually dont bother me THAT much, I think of them more like a 'alternative cursed universe where there could always be a posibillity for crazy stuff' ship. Yk, like, how there COULD be an alternative universe out there where every president of a country have to wear a maid dress or something idfk-

the world is vast and we don't know SHIT about it

BUT THE FUCKING- ... DOUBLES...

It actually really really breaks my heart... Almost like I'm watching a "thief" take away my most valuable treasure, yk... No offense to any doubles out there, you're valid, and you're no thief, you cannot choose who you love.

But I dunno... I also am very scared of "shadowbanning" in the self ship community... Like VERY scared.

With "shadowbanning" I mean, there being some bigger, more popular users on social media who are famous for being the (character's) spouse. The character we both self ship with. But of course, the popular one is going to gain much more attention and interactions because they have been self shipping for longer time, or their art/ s/is are very popular and likeable.

So, if I tried to break the ice through and consider myself the (character's) spouse, and share my self ship stuff on the platforms, I would be DOUBLE IGNORED, and FORGOTTEN above all.

And I cannot have the same mindset with the canon x canon ships, because I know that person DOES exist in real life. And that they the character much longer than me... And have merch... And celebrate anniversaries... And treat the relationship as a real one.

It's literally like a war... where the more 'loved' one wins.

Don't get me wrong. I ALSO want to do that form my own f/os. I WANT to build the a shrine, I WANT to treat my ship serious, I WANT to draw us, and to gather merch, I WANT to love my f/os as much as I feel love for them.

But sometimes, people are not able to fulfill their needs because of the situation/environment they're in.

For example, they could either be financially unstable, the country they live in has no 'merch' of the said media, the family is unsupportive and abusive, or just... Be VERY busy with life in general. Not being able to give attention to even the smallest things, like stuff they love to do in free time, let alone their beloved f/o.

.. I myself am in that situation. My country is poor, I am about to enter university, I am still healing from my past traumas/trying to get better and fight off the problems on my own, even if it is VERY difficult, and no one understands. I should already work and have a job, have MY money, ACT like an adult should, and become independent. But I am not. I was emotionally scarred, which left big impact on my (concerning) social, (terrifying) future, and (nonexistent) work life.

I basically depend off my parents, and know absolutely nothing in general, like- I feel hopeless, dissapointed. Scared above all. Because I think a part of me is still not ready to move on and grow up, and I already did.

So, if I cannot take care of MYSELF, how can I take care of the sacred relationship me and my f/os have, love I feel for them? The attention I oh so, DESPARATELY want to give them, yet I don't even give attention to my life, and try to hide away from everything? How can I even think about them if I cannot think about anything else?

... I dunno. I'm just... I just sometimes think I am underserving of such recognition, and to be called the (character's) lover/friend/family. Because, not do I "ignore" us, but I ignore my life, too.

With ignore, I mean, I TRY to survive every single day as the best I can. Get over it, then repeat again. For quite some time now. Cope with "stress" (when there IS NO actual stress) with unhealthy maladaptive daydreaming methods and isolation. And the stress is just... Life, in general.

Being a depression survivor is hard, because you're supposed to find a purpose for yourself, when you didn't even PICTURE yourself being THIS far. Keep going, while you're actually still somewhat struggling to find the path, and will to continue.

You isolate yourself from the world in your mind, your safe, comfort zone. Where anything good can happen, there's no stress, no duties, adultery, no work. You ghost people, avoid everyone and everything, stay in your home, and LITERALLY survive the day to the best of your abillity. Try to avoid thinking about ANYTHING else but you, your f/os, your perfect little world. You struggle with most simple things like getting up, eating the right ammount, doing things you like, taking care of yourself, but you're supposed to be an ADULT. To already KNOW how to take care of yourself, because FAR more worse things are waiting for you out there.

I love my f/os. But I don't love myself, what I have become. And that is what makes me worried the most. I cannot become what I want if I already act this terrible.

[kitterjitters]

my job is not reflective of my self worth until I get rejected from a job I used to be good at. my job is not reflective of my self worth until it doesn't pay enough for me to contribute to the household. my job is not reflective of my self worth until it continuously stresses me out to the point where I'm getting angry at the smallest things and making fun things un-fun for everyone else involved.

I have always been a judgemental wet blanket, and this current job only makes it worse. I want to leave, but all my team members who are people I have come to trust think we should give it some more time. and to be sure, I will have to give it some more time anyway. plus the fact that we're finally seriously looking at getting a second car will greatly diminish my work commute stress. but the seeping regret that I should've done a million things differently in the past has got its shtity claws in me so deep.

what if I'd stayed at that other job? what if I was making the same amount of money as my spouse? what if I had quit this current job right from the get-go when the first red flags were showing? what if I had never even tried to leave my hometown and just accepted the life my parents wanted for me there?

the depression spiral is bad when it's making me regret even my good decisions to leave an emotionally neglectful and abusive immediate family.

there are a trillion little things piling up lately that are causing these negative feelings. I haven't had two days off in a row consistently in about 5 months. I have had to be dropped off at a cafe up to 2 hours before my work shift for almost a year. I have had constant stress about whether or not my hours will be randomly cut in the middle of my work shift. I have worried that my health insurance will automatically be dropped due to said randomly cut hours. I have had to just grin and bear it while my parents tell me the same things they've told me my entire life that just don't fit into my life schema anymore but they still think are relevant to me. I have carried unresolved grief over lost friendships for almost 4 years now. I have tried eight different antidepressants with varying degrees of uncomfortable side effects.

and is this all just life? am I just describing a life? am I too privileged to even think about complaining about these things? yeah I guess I probably am. so maybe that just makes me weak and incapable. plenty of people have endured worse things, haven't they?

but then again, why is it "other people have it worse" only when I'm thinking about my problems? would I tell a friend the same thing? of fucking course not! why am I so unfair to myself when I'm at my most vulnerable? why am I so critical of the one person I can actually influence when I'm at my lowest point?

because being hard on myself is easier than finding ways to change my circumstances. my circumstances are overwhelmingly outside of my control. but telling myself I don't deserve the life I've made is quick, simple, and free. and I'm just too tired.

I don't have a conclusion. I do have a therapy appointment next week which is nice I guess.

[plutoasteroids]

Hello, I'm C, she/her, interested in men, he/him. If your free readings are open, may i ask for one please? I'm a bit old and I've been single for over a decade or two due to circumstances. However I do want to have a forever partner and get married to him, and have a life together. I'm also child free i.e. never had any children by choice. And even though I was very broody for just a couple of years, last year I came to the conclusion that I don't want any children and this decision has made me feel very liberated! And I'm glad that i didn't go through any kind of process in the previous years to get a child. I love babies, but that's quite literally the only stage that I love of having a kid, nothing beyond that, lol. So I wanted to know, whether in future will I have a husband for me and will he be happily childfree / childless as well? I don't want to be a step-parent btw, whether of younger or older kids, nor do I want to adopt. I just want me and my husband and a dog or two, and our happy, cozy retired life (maybe babysitting our friends' kids once a while, lol). Thanks a lot for this opportunity!

Assumptions about you - I think you might come across as intimidating at first. I think you like the color black, or else you're into dark aesthetics.

Your assumptions are correct too!

First thing I am seeing is your husband is a little older and he feels like he's too old to start a family from scratch anyways so you don't have to worry about him wanting kids.

He may have a motorcycle. I want to say that your future spouse may have a child most likely a son, but he is older like college first year or second year older and he won't really treat you as a mom more like a friend.

Either you or your future spouse went through a period of being abandoned/ feeling abandoned and disappointed by a past lover, but I see it being mostly you and the tarot card depicts a woman's back turned away from the cups which tells me you had kind of turned your back away from love for some time and it's obviously what you told me but it comes out again in tarot.

Okay there's a small chance you knew your future spouse in childhood, or you'll meet in your hometown but if not, this person will feel like home to you 'I feel like I have known you for lifetimes'. There is also emphasis on healing the inner child together and letting your inner child express themself openly without fear of judgement.

You and your future spouse might be the type to prefer to stay home and relax and be cute and cozy together away from the stress and anxiety of the outside world.

You two may also start a business together or a project. Maybe you'll buy a plot of land and build your dream home from scratch. But on top of that I do see your future spouse being super smart so some of your conversations are going to be very intellectually stimulating. He's a hard worker, dedicated and diligent you won't have o tell him twice to do something. If you tell him the faucet is leaking, he'll have it fixed by the end of the day or before you even notice it was leaking to begin with.

You may be faced with options on who to marry and I want you to know that you shouldn't feel pressured to pick one man over the other. Use your intuition trust yourself and don't make a choice because you feel rushed, or you may just end up making the wrong choice but if you don't know who to pick the cards say pick the man who puts in the most effort to be with you that's your future spouse.

I hope this resonates and any feedback is appreciated!

[otherdimensionalapple]

Heyy!! Can you please please do a future spouse characteristics and personality reading for me?? I would be grateful for your efforts!! I hope its no bother. Thank youuu 🥺💖

disclaimer: this is a prediction and it's based on the current energy, so it might not necessarily become 'true' exactly the way I predict it. Please take everything with a grain of salt. Things can change.

a/n: hello my dear! Of course I can do that for you! Don’t worry, it’s ok☺️✨ I really enjoyed doing this reading! Your fs seems to be such a sweetheart! 😆 Feel free to give me some feedback!💚

𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐅𝐒' 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

The personality of your future spouse is represented by the whale spirit. Your future spouse might be someone who really cares for their emotional health as well as their stability. The desire to delve deeper and deeper, they are not afraid of emotional expression or traversing difficult terrain, as they have already overcome many challenges in their lives. These experiences have enriched them and given them stability, strength and a depth that is rare. Whale energy is usually linked to the feminine forces of compassion and communication. They are someone you can depend on when all else seems lost and you can trust them to be a beacon in your darkest hour. Very calm, profoundly peaceful and steady. When stressed or when they’re generally out of balance, their energy might become very heavy, and they themselves become very melancholic and slip into old habits/patterns. Regular self care is important for them in those moments! They are a very magnetic person, and might be a bit intimidating at times. They have a nurturing instinct and like taking care of others. They might be sensitive to sounds, rhythm and poetry. Might be good at taking care of plants as well. They always feel like they have a purpose and they see the big spiritual picture. They are like a blessing! Healing energy, family oriented, what they have to share with the world is very valuable. A natural leader, but not someone who always likes to take charge of something. They just have the qualities to be a great leader. I love their energy!

However, they might be the type to get caught up in their own insecurities. They might feel the need to hide or withdraw, even though they are such a great person with a lovely energy. They tend to worry too much, might have to deal with anxiety, crisis or just feeling trapped. Their feelings can be very deep and complex. But they’re very hardworking , able to endure a lot, someone who can create a stable and comfortable place for their family and loved ones. Someone people look up to. Very compassionate, balanced and down to earth. They can naturally make other people feel secure and are just deeply kind-hearted.

They have a vast knowledge, someone who can give great advice as well as listen attentively. Very intuitive, wanting to form their own conclusions, their power is vast but subtle, slightly mysterious. They might enjoy being alone in the darkness - thinking, reflecting and gathering energy. They might feel restricted and powerless at times, but that’s just all in their head, they imposed those things on themselves. They need to be more honest with themselves. They are isolating themselves too much at times. They are someone who takes accountability of all they do.

They might also have a creative, carefree and exciting side to them, a passion for life and for learning, in those times their free-spirit comes out as well as their innocent way of viewing the world. Curious by heart. They are able to balance the subconscious and the physical world, taking the middle road. They try to go with the flow and to take everything in moderation, and they have to be careful to not stretch themselves too thin. Patient and able to adapt to any situation. They have a pure heart. Beautiful energy.

However, they might be prone to give in to their ego, lusting for (for them) harmful or unnecessary things, unwilling to leave negative situations, overworking themselves, taking on too many responsibilities which results in overburden and stress. They might easily fall into addictions to cope with their situations (can also be something like excessive daydreaming or desperately distracting themselves with their phone etc). They are able to be very successful, just because they are hardworking, knowledgeable and have an attractive energy and personality. But success can also be a burden on them. So moderation and self care is really important.

Overall, they are a very loving and protective person, self sacrificing and nurturing. But also very abundant and accomplished. Their energy shines bright and it feels like everything is blooming around them.

Their current attitude towards love is represented by the two of swords and the king of cups. Overall, they might feel stuck and a bit afraid to proceed in their love life. They behave very indecisively and passively at the moment. Lot’s of thinking and worrying. They know that they should make an important decision and a lack of action makes the situation worse. I feel like they love love and the idea of finding someone who equally loves you back, dreaming about that one special person they will meet someday (hint: you). They have sooo much love to give but they don’t know what to do with it. It seems like no one is worthy enough of their love, they all just take their love for granted :(

They might still lack a bit of self love or self worth. They need to acknowledge themselves more and pure all the love they have into themselves first. As long as they don’t do that they will always end up with overburden and exhaustion, overextending themselves for love. Setting up boundaries for themselves is what they need to do. Furthermore, they need to understand what an amazing person they are!!!

Zodiac signs I had in mind while reading: strong gemini, sagittarius and capricorn!! they might also have a bit of aquarius and maybe be moon or venus dominant.

[khaleesiofalicante]

OK I GOT 5 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT WHICH IS PRETTY OK IG (I did stay up to read the fic-) BOTH MY TESTS WENT LIKE SHIT, I HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK IN PROGRAMMING CLASS BECAUSE BY TEACHER IS A LITTLE SHIT WHO KEPT ON YELLING AT ME WHEN I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING AND I SPENT LUNCH ALONE BUT AT LEAST NOW IM ALONE WITH MY LAPTOP SO YAYAYAYYA

first of all, this chapter right here is my comfort chapter from now on. i said what i said. I will be rereading it again and again just because i can. it was PERFECTION

here's me going crazy at 2 am yesterday.

MAGNUS' CHAPTER

LET'S GO LET'S GO LET'S GO

AHHHHHHH IT'S THEIR ANNIVERSARY

SCREAM

oh

alec shaved his beard because it made him look older

RAFAEL WAS SO UPSET AFTER THE MEXICO ATTACK BECAUSE OF ANJALI RIGHT??

magnus and alec are the oblivious parents istg

“Are you decent?” Max yelled. “I don’t want to be traumatized again.”

“Hey! We agreed not to talk about that!” Alec yelled back.

Im not even surprised at this point

“Happy anniversary, bapa!” Rafael kissed him on the cheek and handed him the flowers.

“Where are my flowers?” Alec asked.

Rafael plucked a rose from the bouquet and threw it at Alec. “Here you go.”

“Thanks, son,” Alec mumbled.

IM WHEEZING

DAVID BAKES

“David made it,” Max said shyly. "

Oh,” Alec replied and then shrugged. “Well, the icing could be a little sweeter I think.”

Ever since Max started dating, Alec had become incredibly protective. Alec liked David of course – it was impossible to find someone who didn’t. But that didn’t mean Alec approved.

And it didn’t help that the blond boy was absolutely terrified of Alec.

ALEC STOP TEASING HIM

THE BOY IS ALREADY SCARED

“I don’t know,” Alec analysed the card. “David used too much glitter.”

“Since when do you have a problem with excessive glitter?” Max demanded.

ALEC

“I didn’t use him!” Max huffed. “He was thoroughly compensated for his efforts!”

“Compensated how?” Alec asked.

“Uh,” Max said. “With donuts.”

when i saw donuts i immediately thought of rose and luisa from jtv

iykyk

but should i continue the show? i got tired of jane continuously embarrasing herself

“You expect us to follow rules?” Alec asked in surprise. “In our own home? On our anniversary?”

The warlock boy grinned wickedly before leaning close to Alec.

“You better do it, or I will tell everyone about your secret,” Max whispered.

Alec blinked at that.

the secret...

I DONT LIKE HOW MANY THINGS POPPED INTO MY HEAD

is highschool musical that bad? i havent watched it. should i?

what if i cried

i just wanna hug alec??? but i cant say it'll be ok because it wont

“Is that why you are not attending?” Magnus grinned at his friend. “Or is it because you are terrified of Georgia?”

“That child is the reincarnation of Christopher Lightwood!” Ragnor complained. “I heard she made explosives out of demon ichor! Who makes explosions out of demon ichor?”

RAGNOR IS PROBABLY GETTING FLASHBACKS

THESE STUPID FUCKING BITCHES

how tf do you think we have survived huh??

medicine that's how

vaccines, anti biotics and what not

stop being close-minded and fucking do it

ok i know the risk is great

BUT OTHERWISE THEY ALL DIE

it was different for warlocks. The Shadow World was their universe. The nephilim kept it safe. At one point in their lives, they had learned to coexist with them, out of necessity and out of obligation.

And now here they were – working together in the name of friendship and love.

how things change...

what

say what

the causes are what

ok let's not jump to conclusions

im fucking crying wtf

alec doesnt deserve this shit

all he's done is make the world a better place

hes worked so hard on this

RAZIEL CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF

what am i supposed to say to my parents if one of them comes to check on me and im sitting here crying at 2 am

He didn’t want to believe in a reality that would punish Alec. Alec who only wanted to do what is good and right.

Alec was who was losing his hope and strength every passing day. Alec who was struggling. Alec who was turning to desperate measures to cope with all the stress.

please alec

no please

THE ANGELS ARE BITCHES

Because if Magnus found out Raziel was the one causing all this pain for Alec, he would march up to heaven and set the bastard on fire himself.

AND I'LL GO WITH HIM

KNEW THE SPY WAS LIVVY

AWW RAGNOR LIKES SELENA THATS SO SWEET

blue and gold

STOP IT IM CRYING AGAIN

The shadowhunter was a good influence on him. Magnus hoped Alec would see it sooner rather than later.

HUH

HUHU

HUH

omg

GIGI GETTING A SIBLING

“Max isn’t allowed to do a lot of things,” Magnus chuckled. “But he does them anyway.”

thats my boi

GASP

]THE NECKLACE

rafael is growing into the consul voice

they grow up so fast

nope nope he's still the little 5 year old

voice cracking what do you mean he's 20

im glad hes happy with mila. or is he...?

Magnus had deduced as much. Alec lived in his beautifully oblivious world. But Magnus noticed.

He noticed the hickeys. He noticed the late-night visits. He noticed the tense phone calls.

well thank god there's at least one non-oblivious person (alec i love you so much but you are very very oblivious)

“What’s stopping you then?” Magnus asked.

"2554 miles,” Rafael chuckled sadly.

me with all my online friends

probably more miles

Magnus tried to do the math but promptly gave up.

me

But Alec did lie though. Magnus pushed the thought away.

NOT NOW

LET ME LIVE IN PEACEFUL OBLIVION

HUSH

“Except melt it?” Rafael chuckled.

“Yes,” Magnus chuckled back. “As you can see, the bar is extremely low in the Lightwood family.”

AHHIUCCDSKUHDCV

i have no clue what the words describing the outfit are

time to google

OK PRETTY

Fifteen years. Fifteen years of loving and Alec still made his heart stutter.

dont do this to me right now I WILL CRY

“What the hell?” Max exclaimed. “Why are you all dressed up?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, it’s my anniversary,” Alec chuckled.

Max-

Fifteen years. Fifteen years and Magnus still took Alec’s breath away.

HJCSDHJBJDHSGCDYGJVVC JHVDFYMJ

it's not funny MY EYES ARE WATERING

“Bapak is a good looking one in the family,” Rafael pointed out. “You are the chaotic one and I am the smart one.”

“What am I then?” Alec asked dryly. “A sack of potatoes?”

“You’re the sexy one,” Magnus grinned. “A sexy sack of potatoes.”

yes.

Alec grinned back and leaned forward. Magnus put his hands around Alec’s neck and kissed him. He kissed Alec with all the love he had inside his heart.

Just like the first time. Just like the hundredth time. Just like the thousandth time.

Because with Alec, every kiss mattered. Every single one.

muffled sob

“Stop making out, oh my god!” Max groaned.

Magnus sensed a pillow coming their way but Rafael caught it before it hit them.

“Max, stop!” Rafael scolded. “You will wrinkle dad’s suit and ruin bapak’s hair! I spent hours ironing both!”

why is max me when i see people display affection in front of me

ALSO RAFAEL HKUIUIDCSKIHUDFVHJDFVHU

“They are here,” Rafael said. “You two better look exactly the way you did when I left with Max or I will raise hell.”

IM SCREAMING

Selena was wearing a blue crop top with the words “MIND YOUR OWN UTEREUS” written in gold.

i need that top

DAVID'S SHIRT IS THE COLOR OF MAX'S MAGIC

AHH ISABELLE DOESNT KNOW SHE'S PREGNANT YET

The argument of “who gave the best gift” had started when Jace and Izzy had gotten drunk on vodka. It didn’t help that Alec had gotten drunk as well. All three Lightwood siblings had then proceeded to have an argument about who had the best spouse. The whole night had been drunken chaos. Magnus, Clary and Simon had let them have it since the Lightwood siblings had a tendency to carry the world on their shoulders even when nobody asked them. They rarely ever let loose ever since their worlds had plunged into sickness and demon attacks. Especially Alec. So, Magnus had let his husband be that 18-year-old boy again. The boy who got drunk and fought with his siblings and sang songs about Magnus’ pretty eyes.

OH MY GOD THE CHAOS

Georgia considered that. “I’m not allowed to melt it, right?”

“No,” they all replied in chorus.

LET GIGI MELT IT

SELENA IM SO PROUD OF YOU

“Dad,” Max said. “Can you keep a picture of me wearing this necklace in your office?”

“Why?” Rafael asked.

“I think it will piss off the boomers,” Max giggled.

“Nice!” Lexi grinned. “A downworlder wearing a shadowhunter heirloom? They will lose their heads. Uncle Alec, you must do it.”

“I will do you one better. I will hang a tapestry,” Alec chuckled.

YASSS I CANT WAIT FOR THE SHADOWHUNTERS TO BE PISSED

AWW THEY DIDNT KNOW THE NECKLACE USED TO BELONG TO MAGNUS

he actually gave to camille first-

Why couldn’t this boy just cause chaos during his travel year like the rest of them? Why did he actually study and do his research as recommended?

why would you NOT study and research during your travel year????

oh shit

well well well

david bby stfu

i love you but pls stop speaking for all our sakes

“Holy shit,” Max said. “It is expensive then!”

“Don’t pawn the ruby!” Rafael warned.

MAX NO-

OH THE STONE COMES FROM EDOM

oh no

pls dont fight

oh so i was wrong about magus confronting him from that snippet

all you need to know is im sobbing right now and grammarly is the only thing making this coherent

dont mind me just

NO I FORGOT ABOUT MAX AND DAVID

GET BACK IN THE ROOM YOU IDIOTS

don't do this to me at 3 am

OK THE DILF PART

thank you for adding light into my life again

(me while editing this: today really isn't my day huh? i just slipped in rainwater outside my balcony because I heard rain and ran there. now my knee and back hurt and I think I sprained (?) my toe-

ANYWAY

wait im gonna go check out the rain and then continue editing this

ok i got bored of the rain)

that made me laugh through my tears

“Objectively good looking?” Jace snorted. “Excuse you, but my parabatai is smoking hot! He is a freaking prize, okay? If we had a magazine for hot shadowhunters, you would be on the cover page. Every single issue.”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Alec interrupted. “Magnus, are you happy? Now all my friends have told me I am pretty.”

“I said smoking hot,” Jace corrected.

“We are not being biased,” Clary pointed out. “It is the general consensus, Alec.”

“It’s true,” Lexi said. “So many people have asked me for your number, Uncle Alec. And I would have given it to them if I wasn’t worried about being turned into a marshmallow.”

LEXI DUHDUGHUDFCUHKVDFUIKFDU

“Dad, I don’t know why you are so worried,” Max said in a bored tone. “You’re a told DILF.”

David choked on his champagne and Jace patted him on the back.

“What the hell is a DILF?” Alec demanded.

“Oh, I know this one!” Jace said excitedly. “It means Dashing and Irresistible Looking Father. Max is right, you are a total DILF.”

“Mr. Herondale-” David raised a hand.

“I heard one of the shadowhunters in their travel year calling me a DILF too,” Jace said proudly.

THAT IS NOT WHAT DILF MEANS OH MY GOD

“It’s not a rumour,” Selena spoke up and passed her phone. “There is a group chat at Scholomance just to thirst after you.”

add me to it

ALL THE COMMENTS I CANT BREATHE

“Alec Lightwood can run me over with a Maserati and I would thank him.”

“Give me that,” Izzy grabbed the phone and started giggling. “Petition for Consul Alec Lightwood-Bane to stab me with his mortal sword.”

“Isabelle!” Alec hissed, cheeks flaming. “Stop it!”

“I want one!” Jace grabbed the phone now. “By the Angel!”

“Read it!” the kids yelled in chorus.

“I would gladly let Consul Lightwood-Bane inspect my mortal instruments,” Jace chuckled and threw the phone at David.

David shook his head vehemently and threw it at Max.

“My body is just a hole for Alec Lightwood,” Max read out loud and started laughing so hard that he fell off his chair.

Lexi grabbed the phone and giggled. “I want the Consul to strip off my runes among other things.”

She passed the phone to Gigi, who looked at the phone and look at Alec.

“Uncle Alec,” the girl said. “This person wants you to crush them with your massive archer arms.”

“Give me that,” Rafael grabbed it now. “Aw, this one is a classic, dad. Alec Lightwood turned me gay.”

He threw the phone at Simon, who stared the screen and looked up. “Uh, I don’t think I can read this one out loud in front of the kids.

“Is this the one about the basement?” Selena chuckled and Simon nodded.

WHAT'S THE BASEMENT ONe

TELL ME

AWW GIGI AND LEXI PUTTING MAKEUP ON DAVID AND MAX RECORDING IT

google translator time

oooo Rafael's gonna talk with Mila

Magnus you're such a good father

seriously

“Sometimes things are just sad. So, you need to let yourself be sad.”

YES

SAY IT LOUDER

THEY ARE UNDER THE BED

AHHH MAX AND DAVID

DAVID CALLED HIM MY ANGEL IN FRENCH

Alec and Magnus hiding under the bed and spying on them is just-

Jace had tried to give Max the shovel talk and had gotten a little too emotional.

of course, he did smh I love him so much

“David doesn’t need a shovel talk,” Alec smiled. “He knows what would happen to him if he hurts my son.”

David gulped. “You will throw me into the silent city?”

“I will ask me husband to portal you to hell,” Alec said – Consul Voice. “We have relatives there.”

the beloved relatives yes

“Goodnight,” Jace gave them a salute. “Have fun inspecting Magnus’ mortal instruments.”

JACE

OH SO THE QUESTION WAS ABOUT SMOKING

damn it

oh my god guys he said he'll stop smoking

just lemme have this moment

my boy's lungs will be intact

HIS LUNGS WILL BE OK

“I can’t wait to see all the messages on the chat after that,” Magnus giggled.

Alec looked up. “I’m more than a tall glass of water, Magnus!”

SCREAMING

In his dream, he saw them again. But they weren’t smiling this time.

what

wait

THE PROPHETIC DREAMS

nope nope nope

Nah I don't know what you're talking about

haha

damn, I think I really hurt my back...

OK BUT THE IMMORTALITY ANGST???? WAS SO SO GOOD???? I know it makes me cry but is it bad that I'm always so excited for angst written by you because of HOW GOOD it is????

"When I die I will love you from my grave" I NEED THIS ON MY FOREHEAD OH MY GOD I LOVE THESE TWO SO SO MUCH

alright I need to get something for my back and my knee (I'm home alone so this will be fun)

OK, I THINK THE NEXT CHP WILL BE ANJALI'S POV I JUST FEEL IT!!! I miss my girl so much I hope she's doing ok. Jaime too...

I'm rereading all of these chapters after chapter 10 because why not. Bye!!

OKAY I AM GLAD YOU LIKED IT BUT I AM ALSO DEEPLY WORRIED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.

I hope your knee and back feels better soon!

also fuck that teacher yelling something doesn't make people understand it any better ugh dumb piece of shit anyway screw that person.

I hope you get some good rest and recovery from this rollercoaster of a day.

Take care!

[thefanficmonster]

Stargazing

Ethan Winters x Mia Winters (Resident Evil Biohazard)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Romance, Fluff

Summary: A year after the events that took place at the Bakers’ residence and the three years of Mia being missing, the Winters spouses have finally been healed enough to start getting back into a regular lively rhythm, nevertheless haunted by the nightmare they lived through. 

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Sorry you’ve had to wait so long for your request but here it finally is! They deserved so much better and I’ll never stop saying that! Sorry for the brief rant, still, hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

Holding Ethan’s hand tightly, Mia follows his instructions to keep her gaze down at the ground and avoid looking up as much as possible. She’s been having a hard time containing the smile on her face, biting her bottom lip a lot to prevent it from showing. Same as she’s had a hard time keeping quiet with her guessing games of where Ethan’s taking her. The man’s unbreakable though, never once was he tempted to let her in on what he’s planned.

It’s been a year since the Baker incident and all the couple has done is switch from one coping mechanism to another. They got stuck in a sort of therapy-work-therapy cycle where they threw themselves in their work and periodically went to their psychiatric appointments, never daring to nudge the topic at home amongst themselves. It was enough that the whole night has remained as a dark cloud hanging over their heads, addressing it has simply been to painful so they’ve steered clear of the topic the best they could.

However, an important thing to note about this coping cycle they created is that it drove all the other mechanics in their lives and their relationship to become routinely and mechanic as well. There was little to no feeling in all they did - not that they ever did much together except have dinner and sometimes breakfast, both of them fully indulged in their work the rest of the day. Work became their therapy eventually, leaving little time for one another and for fixing what’s been broken between them. This conclusion bothered them both to no end but neither wanted to address it out of fear of disturbing the other.

Luckily, Ethan didn’t feel the need to bring it up before taking action.

“Here we are!“ He announces eventually, causing Mia to snap her head upwards without a second to spare, curious eyes doing the best they can to take in the dark surroundings. 

Surprisingly enough, she doesn’t have any problem with the dark. What happened back in Louisiana didn’t give her a phobia of the dark or of ships as her therapist initially thought she’d develop. However, she’s got a huge fear of bugs and insects now - especially mosquitos. Count on her husband carrying anti bug spray wherever they go - now is no exception.

As her eyes slowly adjust to the darkness of their surroundings, it doesn’t take her a while to realize they’re in an open yet secluded field. She’s not the slightest bit surprised by where he’s taken her, in fact, she recognizes it immediately. It’s the spot of their first official date.

“Who knew going to that dorm party would be the best thing I’d do in my life.“ He mumbles under his breath, admiring the sparkles in her eyes as she takes in the beautiful field bit by bit, letting the reel of memories play back, taking her all the way back to that first year of college, that fateful night when they met, followed by the night they came to this field.

“Who knew overcoming my fear of heights at an early age would’ve helped me find the man I’d eventually marry.“ She replies, turning to look at him, their gazes locking in place, both of them no reminiscing on those events they hadn’t recalled in a very long time.

2006

The humidity doesn’t suggest that the summer months have already ended. In fact, the air is still as unbreathable as it was in July and August, making the students who have to return to their studies super conflicted, longing for those beach days with little to no responsibilities. Given that no one is ready for the school year to start, the professors included, the first few weeks of college have been rather stress-free for Ethan. Well, that is if you don’t include the agony of moving into college as a freshman from an entirely different state.

Why he chose to go to college in Texas is a question he still doesn’t have a proper answer to. It was an impulsive, basically overnight decision, one that rattled his parents to no end when he announced it. However, having his own income and savings for college purposes, they couldn’t really do much in stopping him but they didn’t support him either. They kept trying to change his mind until the very last day but alas he stood his ground and now here he is, in his college dorm, trying to read a book while there’s a raging party going on just two floors above. The music is so loud though that is sounds more like it’s taking place in his closet instead. 

His roommate went up to help set the party up, only putting mild effort into getting his Cali-boy roommate to tag along and join the shenanigans which Ethan appreciated. Parties have never really been his scene so he knew he would’ve kept refusing no matter how much he tried getting him up there.

Finding the read hopeless due to the distractions, Ethan ditches the book and lays back on his bed staring at the ceiling, feeling like a fish out of water, ready to suffocate any minute. The AC in the dorm is faulty so it’s not serving its purpose properly, leaving the air at the same temperature as it would be had the device not been turned on at all. He’s stranded on things to do, feeling awfully caged in this new environment without any proper entertainment, going even as far as to second-guess if his parents were maybe right all along.

Fortunately for him, just then, his roommate bursts in, humming along to the song that’s currently being played at the party, never missing a tune even in his clearly intoxicated state.

“Hey Winters, aren’t you Californians supposed to know of a good time? You’re disappointing me right now.“ Jared slurs, laughing a bit as he leans against the wall to keep himself to his feet.

Ethan can’t help but scoff, “Thought I’d be a party animal? Sorry for the letdown.”

Jared laughs, shaking his head, “Come on, Cali. You have two semesters to be sulking around, it’s too early to start. Listen, one beer and thirty minutes, that’s all I’m asking you for. If you like it you can stick around. If not, feel free to leave. Just please give it a shot. How else are you supposed to make friends?”

Ethan stops to contemplate for a second, weighing his options. Jared takes this as a hopeful sign, seeing as how his offer wasn’t immediately turned down as it was the first time. Finally, the blond sighs in defeat: “Ok, but thirty minutes only.“ He says as he slides off the bed, briefly looking at himself in the mirror and deeming his appearance decent enough for a dorm party. As a very new student, he’d like to make a good first impression on his classmates but given that they’re all probably wasted, he’s not stressing too much over his looks at the moment.

Following Jared up to the floor of the party, he’s immediately handed a beer which he accepts with little hesitation. His roommate goes around introducing him to a few people before he disappears with some girl he claims has been his on-again-off-again girlfriend since sophomore year of high school - Sarah. Ethan, of course, doesn’t stop him despite hating the ide of finding himself stuck alone in a crowd of people he’s seeing for the first time in his life. Still, he sticks to the deal: thirty minutes and a beer...ok, two beers, but they’ve done nothing to make him enjoy this party.

So, off he goes to search for Jared to tell him he’s leaving. Thinking he saw the dark haired girl he went off with going up the stairs to the roof, he quickly follows.

Little does he know, that’s not the dark haired girl he’s looking for. That’s Mia

Mia, the rowdy, outgoing Texas tomboy who, unlike Ethan, thoroughly enjoys going to parties and having a good time with her friends and a few drinks. However, even a party animal such as herself sometimes needs to take a breather especially when people are smoking cigarettes as though they’re inhaling air and she’s never tried a cigarette in her life and is actually quite against the idea. She found this rooftop to be her prefect hideaway whenever she felt like her surroundings would suffocate her. Students were strictly instructed that climbing up there would earn them a penalty but that didn’t bother her in the slightest - She’s been frequenting the roof already and it’s been barely a week of her fresh start in college. Luckily, she got over her fear of heights at the tender age of twelve so this journey to quite a high point doesn’t pose as much stress as it would’ve about a decade ago.

As she lies on the floor, looking up at the starry night sky above, she nearly jumps out of her skin when another voice calls out to her presumably though it’s not using the correct name.

“Hey, um, S-Sarah? Have you seen Jared?“ 

Mia turns her head as she sits up, one eyebrow raised as she takes a good look at the silhouette which this voice belongs to. It’s pretty dark so even if she knew him, she wouldn’t be able to recognize him but judging by the voice, this is not someone she’s familiar with. And judging by the accent, this guy is not from around here.

“I’m not Sarah, but if you’re looking for Jared Letterwood, I can guarantee he’s in Sarah’s dorm.“ Mia chuckles, “I’d know. Sarah’s my roommate.“

Ethan cringes at the thought, “Yikes, you’ve got it rough. I mean, Jared’s my roommate but so far I haven’t had to leave the dorm for him to...you know. Hope I never have to.” Suddenly, an idea strikes him, “Wait, where are you gonna sleep tonight?”

She laughs, lying back down with her arms folded behind her head, “Right here.” She drags out the words as she adjusts her position a little, eyes fluttering closed. “Stargazing helps me fall asleep. The whole ambience up here is just...perfect, you know. Jared and Sarah are really doing me a favor.”

Ethan can’t help but scoff, “Call me crazy, but I’ve never stargazed in my life. I don’t know, never really saw the whole appeal. Sure, it’s cool to see in a movie or whatever, but it’s got no real purpose in real life. Not that I’m trying to bash your hobby or anything...”

Before the clueless blond could finish his statement, Mia’s already snapped up in a sitting position, giving him a narrow-eyed glare he can’t really see in the darkness. Her hand taps the spot next to her, “Don’t knock until you try it, Cali boy. Come’ere, see what you’re missing out on.”

Though reluctant, Ethan takes a few steps forward, stopping for a second to ask: “Wait, how’d you know I’m Californian?” Regardless of his confusion, he sits his ass down as he was told, awkwardly laying down so that there’s half a foot or less between their bodies so he doesn’t accidentally touch her and run the risk of freaking her out.

“I know a lot of things, Cali. Unfortunately, your name isn’t one of them. That being said, either you tell me it, or I’ll have to keep calling you Cali.“ She says teasingly.

“Ethan. My name’s Ethan.“ He says through a sigh, unable to contain the smile that spreads across his face.

A smile mimicking his appears on her face as well, “Nice to meet you, Ethan. The name’s Mia.“

Needless to say, the following morning Ethan woke up still on the roof, and surprisingly and terrifyingly enough, with the girl he barely met the night prior in his arms. Under the light of the newly rising day he could examine her features better, taking in her absolute beauty, her pale features contrasting her dark as the night hair. She’s still asleep so he can’t see her eyes but he has no doubt they are as beautiful as she is. Everything about her looks so delicate yet sharp simultaneously. And he’s simply in awe.

To avoid any awkwardness in case she wakes up, he falls back asleep, not even trying to remove his arms from around her body, silently hoping she won’t kick his ass for it. The next time he wakes up, an undecided amount of time later, he’s alone on the rooftop. Alone with a note that says: ‘Did you like it? If yes, I got a better stargazing spot to show ya. You know where to find me 

 ~ M‘

“And boy, was I missing out on something.“ Ethan whispers, gently running his fingers through his wife’s hair as they lay in that same field she was referring to in her note to him, gazing up at the stars, limbs intertwined, bodies completely collided.

“Told ya. Stargazing is incredible, ain’t it?“ Mia replies, snuggling closer though that’s simply impossible.

Her husband chuckles, his chest rumbling with the noise, “That’s not really what I meant.”

Her brows furrow but she doesn’t look at him, “Oh? Then what did you mean?”

With a content sigh, he replies, “I was missing out on having you in my arms, falling asleep and waking up by your side.“ He says, his lips planting a gentle kiss at the top of her head that has her melting in his embrace.

Mia’s not the romantic nor cheesy half of this relationship, quite the opposite, but she feels emotions to a way deeper level than Ethan would imagine her feeling. So, thankful to the darkness, Mia allows her eyes to gloss over with emotional tears as she rises up to collide her lips with his in a soft and tender kiss. 

“I missed you so much, Mia.“ Ethan whispers when they pull away, foreheads resting against each other.

“I promise to never make you miss me again, baby.“ She replies in a tone as hushed as his. As though they are both afraid someone would overhear this vow of theirs and try to force them to break it.

“That’s impossible.“ He says with a soft chuckle, “I always miss you at least a little.“

Mia hums in response, “Well, right now, you don’t have to miss me at all. I’m all yours. You’re the only thing on my mind, Mr. Winters.“

Even in the dark, she sees the grin that lights up his face, “As you are the only thing on mine, Mrs. Winters.” With that, their lips reestablish their contact, this time maintaining it longer, making it more passionate than before.

[abacus-and-paper-money]

Comet Theory Thursday: The Private & Fucked-Up Life of The House

[CONTENT WARNING! Today's analysis gets a little darker than normal, and there will be discussion of abuse/child abuse, manipulation, and similar topics. Please proceed with caution, and feel free to dip if things start getting too dark or something triggers you. ^^] It's no secret to anybody that the Bolkonsky household is incredibly fucked. I mean, they literally introduce themselves that way. "Andrey's family, totally messed up." But since today's vote was literally UNANIMOUS, and to make up for my inactivity because of finals this week, I thought that I'd do an extra-good and thorough job on this one. I've pulled out the off-broadway recordings, which I don't normally listen to, as extra evidence. Additionally, I've done some research on domestic abuse for some additional proof. Also, if you haven't already, please read the warning at the top of this post before continuing. Content under the cut! [Usual Disclaimer: This is an analysis of Great Comet and Great Comet!Bolkonskys, and does not include any canon from War & Peace. I consider them separate universes. :D Plus I haven't actually read War & Peace-]

Alrighty, welcome to the analysis! Let's just dive right in. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that everybody is kind of on the same page in the "OPB is an asshole, Mary is baby and deserves NONE of this shit," book. And, surprise surprise, that's exactly what I found more of. Not only is he an asshole, but it's to the point of emotional abuse. So, let's look at the symptoms of abuse and child abuse. According to Mayo Clinic (which is a very credible source, I did my research, guys) here are some symptoms of abuse/child abuse. I've written down here the ones that seem to be visible in Mary. These include: • Loss of self-confidence or self-esteem • Social withdrawl or a loss of interest or enthusiasm • Depression • Desperately seeks affection • Difficulty establishing or maintaining relationships • Challenges with intimacy and trust • Inability to cope with stress and frustrations • Seeming fearful • Seeming anxious to please the abuser And some characteristics of abusers/abusive relationships that I see in OPB & Mary (from Healthline, which is for the most part pretty reliable, minus the occasional pseudoscience article lmao): • Name-Calling • Sarcasm & Belittling • Threats • Orders • Walking out in social situations, and therefore leaving you with all the pressure • Trivializing & making excuses for their behavior • Interrupting • Cutting you off from others or society in general, directly or indirectly All of this sounds pretty damn familiar, right? "And I have no friends, no, never go anywhere," "Insolent girl!" "Bring me my slippers! Bring me my wine!" And from the Off-Broadway: "Silence!," etc. Okay, let's analyze more thoroughly, now that we have some basics down. Mary's anxiety and tension is through the roof from the minute we meet her. (Fun fact, costume designer Paloma Young said that the numerous buttons on Mary's dress represent her anxiety and the urge to fiddle) Mary's general personality and emotions are pretty easy to understand right away. Anxious, caring, socially awkward, and most of all, lonely. Which she talks about a lot. Which she wouldn't do, if it didn't bother her. She desperately wants a friend or a spouse, somebody to care about her. Though that latter is probably moreso the only way to escape her current predicament. "And I have no friends, no, never go anywhere," for example. We also have the line "Will I ever be happy? Will I ever be anyone's wife?" Which almost ties the two statements together, equating happiness with being somebody's wife, and therefore escaping her situation. So, if she's so desperate for somebody to be friends with, why does she judge Natasha so hastily? Well, there's a few reasons. First off, she knows her father doesn't like Natasha, and she's been conditioned her whole life to always agree with what he says. There's also Mary's intense jealousy of her. Natasha has always been adored by everyone, including Mary's own brother, who seems not to care about his sister very much. There's also the possibility that Mary just wants Natasha out as fast as possible, to avoid her father becoming angrier, which would most likely be taken out on her. It's also important to take into account that Mary probably doesn't know how to even MAKE friends, considering she's been cut off from society for so long. Her strained and anxious "oh. Oh hello. Won't you come in?" Conveys that pretty well. Then, we have the commanding. It's relatively normal for parents to tell their children to do things, but OPB is so fucking order-y about it, with the "Bring me my slippers!" and "Bring me my wine!" And shit. And even worse, the off-broadway recording includes "Silence! Silence!" And "You shut your damn mouth girl, Shut your damn mouth, I can hurt you!" Also found in the off-broadway recording, Mary says "He could beat me, or treat me like a dog. Make me fetch wood or water, and it's just how it is. Oh father, I love you father" OPB also has a tendency to make his daughter feel like she's the one at fault, or she's the one who's being bad to him, which is one

of the biggest characteristics of abuse. We have "This is just how it is, It's just how he is, I'm always to blame," and of course the "I disgust myself" from the end of the song. "This is just how he is," plays a significant role here, too. Mary's in a constant internal struggle between being angry at her father, and being angry at herself while she makes excuses for him like "He is a tired old man and must be forgiven." She tells herself that she's the one at fault here, no doubt because that's what she's always been told. "He is old and feeble, and I dare to judge him." On the other side of that, there's the anger that comes out occasionally. One of the most telling moments between Mary & OPB is the whole "I can hurt you" bit. OPB says it first, threatening her. (possibly something he's carried out before?) Then they both say it together, and then Mary's "but I never, ever, ever, ever would! No, father, I love you, father." What I'm seeing is Mary trying to retaliate against the first "I can hurt you," but simultaneously getting scared back into submission by her father. Her reaction is to immediately take it back, and then offer her love to show that she isn't an enemy. Also, if you watch her on stage, during the "Never, ever, ever, ever"s she's looking around at the audience, a little panicked, and almost rushing to tell them that she didn't mean it. Shifting gears slightly, we're now gonna look at how Mary feels trapped. Her constant mentions of both time and loneliness show that she feels powerless and unable to escape her situation. Even from the very first time she says anything in the story: "But besides the couple of hours during which we have guests, there are also twenty-two hours in the day." That's oddly specific, isn't it? I mean I know how math works, a couple + 22 = 24, but still. Mary seems to be acutely aware of time and it's passing. The feeling like she's running out of time heightens her anxiety, because the older she gets, the less appealing she'll be to suitors, and therefore less likely to get married, and therefore much less likely to get out of her situation. OPB also seems to be purposefully scaring off suitors so that she has no chance of getting away in a socially acceptable manner. Mary also doesn't seem to be getting any support from her brother either. When Andrey comes home near the end of the show, Mary is onstage, waiting for him. She stands up to greet him, but instead he just pushes past her to sit on their father's chair. The fuck, dude? Anyway, that about wraps everything up. Overall, I've come to the conclusion that Old Prince Bolkonsky can suck a dick, and Mary deserves none of this shit. Hope you enjoyed! I worked really hard on this one. This week's topics will be posted in a bit!

[hopevalley]

Season 8, Episode 11: Changing Times

Well, as it turns out, my second Covid vaccine kicked me down hard. After sleeping for quite a long time, though, I’m tired of sleeping and ready to try and get this write-up done.

Surprisingly, or...perhaps not so surprisingly, I don’t think I have that much to say about last night’s episode. I think we’re just too close to the finale for me to feel “safe” in guessing/hoping for anything in particular.

Let’s hit up the plot points like before:

The Triangle

Carson & Faith

Rosemary’s Purpose

School District Problems

Jesse’s Disappearance 

The Triangle

I’m probably one of the few people who liked Nathan who felt like the whole beginning scene was super weird and uncomfortable. Homegirl held his hand for one second in the last episode and now she’s going to warm his serge by the fire (while he just stands there awkwardly??? He could have done that himself while she got him some tea or something idk) and then dress him???

I think we’re meant to see that as her going back to...I don’t know...old habits die hard or something? But she was barely married for any time at all and it’s been three years since Jack died. No way would she be so far into those old habits that she’d fall back into them with Nathan lmao.

Like, it’d be a REALLY GOOD PLOT for a character who had been married for years and lost a spouse (cough Abigail cough) but considering the circumstances it felt like a cheesy fanfiction! I wanted to like it, but I just felt weird about it. Tonal whiplash out the wazoo.

Especially when we had to watch Lucas drive by and see Nathan’s horse at Elizabeth’s house. 

Lucas sadly watching Elizabeth talk to Nathan was also awkward, but at least it gave him the courage he needed to break things off with her.

You’d think I’d have a lot to say about the triangle, but I’m saving all of that for some kind of...post-season discussion. Who is she going to pick? Nathan seems like the most logical writing choice, but it could yet be Lucas. I genuinely don’t care who she chooses so long as she picks someone.

--

Carson & Faith

I like to hate on these two a lot, so you might be surprised to know that I’m enjoying their storyline. I’ve criticized this series over and over for never bothering to portray realistic relationships and one thing I can say about Faith and Carson this season is that things actually feel...plausible.

I also appreciate how they try to tie Carson into the town a bit more: he talks to Henry and Minnie and even Lucas trying to figure things out! It makes perfect sense to me; how do you choose between someone you care about/the potential life you could make with them, and a career that you’re really and truly passionate about?

This is the most interesting Carson has been since Season 5.

Anyway, the pudding scene was genuinely funny, and a great way to break up the stress that I’m sure we were all feeling about his impending proposal. Faith’s reaction to thinking he might propose was...pretty telling. I really wish they hadn’t saved so many dangling plotlines to solve in the final episode, though. I was hoping Faith and Carson’s storyline would be fully figured out in the penultimate episode so that we could let him go (or whatever) in the season finale. It just seems to me like it would be a good, smooth ending for them.

Also, for what it’s worth, they tried doing this kind of plot with Frank in Season 5, but it was rushed and pulled out of thin air; he’d never shown an inclination toward pastoring toward dying children in the past and it was clear that they just needed to write him off the show. With Carson, this sort of plotline works VERY well; he was a surgeon, and he was passionate about it, but that passion took a hit when his wife needed surgery and she died on the table under his hands. He’s had some time to move on from that and process his feelings, so it makes sense that he’d find that passion again. I just wanted to point this out because it’s interesting how well it works for Carson and how...well, not-well it worked with Frank. I really felt like with Frank, it was just a storyline that could have been given to anyone with the same success rate, whereas with Carson they took a look at the character and what we already know of him, and built the storyline specifically for him. That’s good writing, babes!

Anyway, Carson trying to propose in the vague hope that Faith will come with him, even knowing she doesn’t want to leave Hope Valley, is pretty manipulative and awful, but it really goes a long way toward making his character feel like an actual person. Like yeah, he does actually want the best of both worlds. Do you blame him?

--

Rosemary’s Purpose

I know a lot of people are really into this storyline but I found it boring. The only good part was when Lee called the other desk in his office “hers.” Everything else just felt like a bit too much to come to the conclusion that she should run a paper. We already had her “advice” column in the paper and it was...amusing while it lasted, but eh. I just don’t see good storylines coming for her from this angle, especially when they went the route of her finding out she wants to start the paper back up to share information with the town. Are we really going to trust Rosemary’s integrity when it comes to writing news stories, especially when MOST of the time the things she’ll be allowed to write about are, you know, who grew the biggest cabbage? It makes me dread the potential for Round Two of Nosy Rosie.

I dunno. I used to really like Rosemary but this season’s been pretty rough on her character. Good for you for wanting to find your passion career, but most of us work so that we can eat, not for a fun way to pass the time and stay busy. :/

--

School District Problems

Mr. Landis is right and Elizabeth is an idiot. Sure the school board is being assholes for no reason (as if they’d care if one blind child was sitting in a classroom in one western town lol), but Elizabeth’s really going to dismiss his concerns about how she can juggle the added work necessary to teach Angela while also keeping up with everyone else?

It sucks that Angela will get left out, but Elizabeth should be working with Mr. Landis to come up with a plan to teach Angela without sacrificing the education of her other students. Better yet, she could rely on her friends for advice. Like Rosemary.

Still no apology there...

Anyway, a projected 100 new kids? That’s outlandish. The only way that will happen is if they open a factory in Hope Valley, and even then it could take years. I MEAN, WHERE IS THE HOUSING GOING TO BE FOR ALL THE ADULTS THAT WOULD GIVE YOU A HUNDRED NEW STUDENTS LOL. I think we have to assume the plotlines are connected.

I also find it hard to believe the board would care about Elizabeth being certified to teach Angela. Where else is she going to get an education? It’s 1918 in the middle of almost nowhere???

This show drives me nuts with its attempt to be a “Frontier Show” while also shying away from the characters actually being stranded/cut off from society at large. You still had unlicensed teachers teaching in western towns in this time period because nobody cared!!!

ANYWAY, if Union City was like 3 miles away I could see them trying to combine schools. But it isn’t. So.

I dunno. I hate this plotline. I feel like they stole it from a better show (Road to Avonlea, where the bigger school was just a few miles away and it made sense to consider combining the schools for a better education system for the students as one-room schoolhouse teaching was proven to be less effective) but didn’t bother to consider any of the logistics of the storyline.

Maybe it’s my passion for education and history that makes me hate it, though. I know too much to find this storyline believable. I should also mention that I haven’t enjoyed Elizabeth’s role as teacher for a very long time. (I think they suck at writing Elizabeth as a teacher.)

I’m just not interested in wherever this is going to go because I can’t imagine it’ll have a lasting impact.

The only good thing I can say about the whole plotline is that I REALLY LIKED HOW BILL CAME OUT OF IT. I think he’s the only person who knows how to speak to Elizabeth. She struggles with blunt honesty at first, but ultimately tends to appreciate it, and that’s pretty much what she always gets with Bill. Also, the scene where he shuts her down didn’t make her look stupid, either (just worried/anxious), so I could appreciate it.

--

Jesse’s Disappearance

I couldn’t care less about this plotline if I tried. Jesse’s gone missing in the mountains before (was it last season? I don’t even remember because I didn’t give a damn about it then either) so this felt like a multi-reused plotline...for the same character, no less.

It’s also poorly implemented. Why doesn’t anyone else care about Jesse? Why is Clara pouring her heart out to Lee while her friends are failing to support her in the slightest? Why should any of us care when we know he’ll be fine?

It just feels so forced for the sake of drama, and it’s made 10x worse because there’s too much else going on at the same time.

Also, how convenient that they have to tell us how hard-working and dedicated Jesse is to his work to force this plot to even make sense... C’mon, he has never been a particularly dedicated to work. They just needed to explain why he would have left the car so that he could be “missing.”

Boring. I also don’t care that much about their “stolen” money.

The only good thing in all of this is seeing how soothing of a voice Lee actually has. 

--

The best parts of the episode:

Henry calling Florence “Flo” GOT ME. It was so surprisingly cute???

I love Bill, and he really came out of this episode looking great! Finally, it seems they’re done writing him as a grouchy old man who hates everyone! In this season (and particularly in this episode), he is allowed to be capable, smart, helpful, loyal, and in possession of a great deal of integrity. I couldn’t believe that guy tried to bribe the judge in town right off the bat lmao...but the way Bill handled it felt very in character—very reminiscent of him from S3 or 4. He never shuts things down immediately, preferring instead to get more information to use against his, erm...opponent. Should he need it, of course. I was really happy to see him written well in this episode.

HENRY’S LETTER FROM HIS SON. STARTS OFF WITH “DAD,” AND SAYS PS. I LOVE YOU AT THE BOTTOM. Good for Henry.

Fiona’s backstory! Finally, we get some FIONA LORE. Neat.

PUDDING HANDS CARSON. 

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

You Keep Saying You’re Broken (I’m Telling You We’re Beautiful)

Ao3

Summary: Logan loved someone. That wasn’t important. What was important was that he didn’t love them enough. Remy seems to think he’s got the two backwards. Content: Magic AU, nonbinary!Remy, aroace!Logan + aroace!Remy, internalized aphobia, tiny bit of swearing, h/c, happy ending Pairing: Friends-to-qpps losleep

    It didn’t work.

    It didn’t work, again, didn’t do what it was supposed to, and he had been so careful this time, he knew it was right, knew he hadn’t messed up, and yet nothing was happening and it had failed so he had failed and-

    Someone was knocking on his door.

    Logan ignored them in favor of the pounding in his head that was quickly taking over all his hearing facilities. The vial he had been holding dropped limply to the ground, rolling away from him; the photo fell too and drifted away from him as well. He pressed his now free hands against the desk in front of him, trying to brace himself, to steady himself before he fell over and joined everything else on the floor.

    “Logan?” A much too familiar voice called out. “You in there?”

    No. No no no- not them, anyone else but them-

    The door pushed open, the cause of all his problems but not the source of them peeking their head into the room, looking around. “Hey, I know you’re big on privacy, babe, but I- Lo?”

    He couldn’t hide. They were right there and he was right here, out in the open, and Remy’s expression was starting to become one of concern and despite the fact that he was looking at them- actually looking at them, not just a photo now- Logan still didn’t feel different, didn’t feel changed, didn’t feel his heart soar or his chest burn or anything of the like, didn’t feel anything everyone always said they felt like when they were in-

    “Lo, is something wrong?” Remy asked, breaking him out of his thoughts, bringing him back to Remy, who had taken a few steps into his room and cocked their head in confusion. “You’re looking a little… off.”

    Logan cleared his throat. He could do this. All he had to do was convince Remy he was fine and get them to leave so that he could try again and maybe actually get it right this time.

    “I am adequate.” Logan started, and he was proud of himself for how level his voice sounded. “Apologies for worrying you, however- is there something I can assist you with?”

    “You’ve been in your room a while. I just wanted to check in.” Remy said, still looking mildly concerned. “You sure you good, hun? You’re a little pale.”

    “Simply a side effect of lots of hard working.” Logan answered. “But I assure you, I am doing just fine.”

    Remy frowned. “If you say so… still, you shouldn’t be working that much. Come take a walk with me, yeah, clear your head a bit?”

    Logan shook his head in negation before Remy had even finished their sentence. “While that sounds very pleasant, Remy, I really am quite busy- can’t be distracted while my work’s at such a crucial juncture-”

    As Logan spoke, Remy’s frown quickly morphed into a smile. “I knew it.”

    “Hm?”

    “I knew it!” Remy repeated, moving past Logan to get a better look around his room. “You’re experimenting again. Something real dangerous if you don’t want me to know about it- have you finally tried your hand at artificial dragon fire? For all you mock my version of it I’m sure you’ve quickly realized it’s not nearly as easy to make as the books say it is-”

    “I’m not experimenting!” Logan cut them off, trying to sound indignant and not panicked. If Remy went looking too long they might find his supplies. “And I really do have work to do, so if you could kindly-”

    “Sorry, babes, but you can’t fool me.” Remy said, still looking. “You were always a terrible liar- you know that?- absolutely horrible, never could keep your… work a secret… Logan, what’s this?”

    Logan turned from where he had been glaring at his desk to look at Remy. The moment he saw what they were holding, his breath caught in his throat and he froze.

    The vial.

    The vial he had been using for his experiment.

    The vial that still had traces of his latest attempt staining the inside of it.

    Remy pushed their sunglasses up on top of their head, honey-brown eyes full of worry and the beginnings of fear now on display. “Logan.” They repeated, voice sounding slightly shaky. “Why is the vial empty?”

    Logan didn’t answer them, instead remaining stock still in place, hands still planted on the desk behind him to make sure his now much more wobbly legs didn’t give out on him. 

    “You drank it.” Remy guessed, the conclusion they had likely come to first only confirmed by Logan’s refusal to explain the vial’s emptiness. “And you’re hiding it so it must be bad- Logan, what did you drink?!”

    Still no response.

    Remy nodded. “Alright, you’re not going to tell me, either because you’re stubborn or it’s a side effect- damnit Logan you’re so pale- sit down, please, before you fall down.”

    Logan didn’t react to what Remy said, still trying to get past the mental shock that was ‘Remy’s going to find out and they’re going to stop you and your experiments and you will have failed them and yourself and it’s all over now just because you couldn’t hide your supplies-’

    He was dragged out of his thoughts by the sudden, but not unpleasant, feeling of hands gently grabbing his arms, tugging him away from where he was leaning against the desk and moving him to sit in his chair instead.

    “There we go.” Remy was murmuring, voice still sounding worried and afraid, but gentler now, likely an attempt to keep Logan from falling completely into a panic attack. “Now come on, hey, it’s okay, don’t look away, let me see those pretty eyes.”

    Logan’s attempt to keep his eyes downcast and focused on his lap was thwarted by Remy gently taking his chin and lifting it up, looking carefully at not only his eyes but his whole face. They were mumbling under their breath, and after a moment, Logan realized what they were doing- trying to categorize Logan’s symptoms to figure out what he had taken.

    That conclusion was enough to make Logan at least try to stand up, to move, get away until the symptoms were gone and his experiment hidden, but Remy just moved one of their hands to rest at Logan’s hip and hold him steady.

    “I know you probably think I’m babying you, Lo, but I need to figure out what stupid thing you took.” Remy chastised lightly, the hand on Logan’s chin moving to take his wrist instead, counting the pulse. “I know I don’t exactly set the best example for this sort of thing, but you really can’t just go around drinking potions- especially if you’re not an actual alchemist. What were you thinking?”

    “Nothing.” Logan managed to mumble. “I wasn’t thinking anything because it’s nothing- really, Remy, I’m fine, this is unnecessary-”

    “Mhmm. No offense, sweetheart, but I call bullshit on that.” Remy responded. “If it was nothing, you wouldn’t have tried to hide it from me. And you definitely have symptoms- your pulse is racing, your pale and shaking but your cheeks are still a bright red, your eyes are normally blue but right now they’re brown…”

    Remy trailed off, their eyes widening in understanding, and Logan pretended there was a chance they had come to a wrong conclusion. “What is it?”

    “Logan… why the hell were you drinking love potion?” Remy asked instead, frowning in confusion. In response, Logan looked away.

    Of course they had figured it out. Logan knew they would, knew Remy was too smart to miss it, to mix it up for something else, but that didn’t change the fact that he wished they hadn’t, hadn’t figured it out and put it down to Logan’s nerves and left him alone for the day to try again and this time get it right.

    Remy didn’t force Logan to face them, instead just quietly sighing. “Don’t move.” They ordered lightly. “I’m going to get my bag.”

    They sprinted out of the room after that, and Logan once more looked forward, looking at the door they had left open. He had half a mind to get up and close it, jam his chair beneath the knob and get back to his work, but he doubted that would last long before Remy broke the door down. He also doubted if he had enough strength- physical and mental- to get up and block Remy out.

    The choice was made for him quickly enough anyways, Remy returning before Logan could even test if his legs would support him enough to stand. They were ruffling through their brown satchel, soon enough throwing it aside as they pulled out a roll of chalky white discs.

    They offered one of the discs to Logan. “Eat this.” They instructed, pressing it into Logan’s hand when he didn’t immediately take it. Logan just held it for a moment, squeezing it pointlessly between his fingers, but Remy’s waiting stare was unrelenting and he gave into it soon enough. The taste of the disc was abysmal, but it dissolved quickly enough, and he swallowed it down as soon as he could.

    “Give that about five minutes and the majority of your symptoms should be gone.” Remy said quietly. “And while we wait for those minutes to pass, you can tell me why you were making and self-administering love potion.”

    Logan half-shrugged and looked at his lap. “I am my own person, I can make and self-administer whatever potions I should please at my own will.”

    “When it makes sense, maybe.” Remy responded. “But love potion? People use that to trick their crushes into liking them. Or to prepare themselves for a disastrous but necessary arranged marriage. Now, unless you have a future spouse I hadn’t been informed of-”

    “I don’t.”

    “-I don’t see any reason for you to have been taking this stuff.” Remy finished. “Care to enlighten me?”

    “It doesn’t matter.” Logan answered instead, shaking his head. “The potion didn’t work. I made it wrong. It doesn’t matter.”

    Remy raised a disbelieving eyebrow at that. “Uh. Yeah. Sure. Great stalling tactic but-”

    “I’m not stalling.” Logan snapped, the result of pent of stress and the desire for Remy to leave so he could get back to his work. He felt bad about his tone immediately, though, sighing as he softened it. “It really didn’t work, Rem.”

    At this, Remy frowned, looking between Logan and the vial. After a moment, they (to Logan’s shock and mild horror) put the vial to their lips and managed to convince a few spare drops to slide down into their mouth.

    “What are you doing?” Logan hissed, watching as Remy closed their eyes and swished the few drops around in their mouth. Remy didn’t respond for a moment, busy tasting the love potion. Finally, they swallowed.

    “Don’t worry about it, hun, I’m immune to most potions by now.” Remy told him, looking into the vial in bewilderment. “Though this one is really throwing its hat into the ring to try and disprove that- I don’t know how you got the idea that this thing is ineffective considering it’s a few more drops of hollybreath strain away from stopping your heart instead of exciting it. No wonder you’re shaking so badly.”

    “So… you’re saying it should’ve worked?”

    “To be frank, I’m not sure how it couldn’t have.” Remy answered, gingerly setting the vial down on Logan’s desk. “I’m a little surprised I don’t have to pin you down to stop you from running off to your new boo… what were you looking at when you drank this, anyways?”

    Though Logan heard Remy’s question, he didn’t answer it, instead once more turning his attention to his lap as his thoughts ran wild. The potion had worked. Hell, Remy said it was too strong, which meant at least some of the potions before must have worked too… but they didn’t. None of them had done what they said on the tin, none of them had made him fall in love. Not really, anyways, since there was no burning heart or sudden desire- there was just the same soft, impossibly warm sort of feeling in his gut that let him know he felt something, but not love, not really, just-

    Logan jerked out of his thoughts when Remy snapped their fingers in front of his face, Remy frowning, worry laced in their entire expression. “Earth to Logan? Darling, you know I love seeing your big brain in action, but I’d be lying if it wasn’t putting me a bit on edge right now. What’re you thinking about in there?”

    Barely a thought as to how to respond had crossed Logan’s mind before he was blurting out, “I’m broken.”

    Remy blinked. “Nope. Don’t like that. Your brain rights are being revoked. No thinking for you if you’re going to think wrong.” Remy said, light words contrasted by a distressed tone. “Honey, darling, sweetheart, why do you think you’re broken?”

    “Because the potions didn’t work.” Logan said miserably, too tired to try and backtrack or explain it away as anything other than what it was. “I thought I had been making them wrong, not adding enough of something, so I kept remaking them and trying again but none of them worked and I just thought the potions were wrong but it was me, I was wrong, the only same variable of course it was me-”

    “Logan, sweetie, please slow down.” Remy cut him off, placing their hands on Logan’s shoulders and running them lightly over his arms. “You’re not making sense. How many of these potions have you been taking?”

    “Three or four, I don’t know.” Logan said indifferently. “But it doesn’t matter, because they didn’t work-”

    “That’s not possible.” Remy said with a frown. “That love potion was strong, sugar, there’s no way you could’ve resisted it unless you had some sort of personal mutation against it- and your eyes changed colour, so I know you don’t. And if you’re telling me you drank more than one... the love potions had to have worked, Lo.”

    Logan shook his head. “No, they didn’t; I know they didn’t, I don’t feel any different, nothing’s changed-”

    “That means you’re already in love, darling.” Remy said gently. “Whoever you’ve been trying to fall in love with- you already love them. The potion can’t give you feelings you already have- no wonder you feel the same, you are the same. Not broken. Just already in love.”

    “That’s the problem!” Logan exclaimed, frustrated, curling his fists together and digging the nails into the skin, closing his eyes as well. “I’m- I love but I- but not enough, not right- the potion was supposed to fix that and- and it didn’t because I’m so fucking broken nothing can fix it-”

    “Please don’t say that.” Remy pleaded, one hand moving from Logan’s arm to cup his cheek. “You’re not broken at all, honey, but I don’t know why you think you are, and that’s worrying me. You’re worrying me. What’s gotten into your head?”

    Logan didn’t respond immediately, opening his eyes only to look unseeingly at his pants, trying to ignore Remy’s searching, troubled expression. “I love someone.” He admitted quietly.

    “...Okay. That’s okay.”

    “But I don’t-” Logan paused, struggling with his words, “I don’t want to kiss them. Or- or make-out with them, or have sex with them, or anything like that-”

    “That’s okay.” Remy repeated. “I don’t want to kiss anyone or have sex with anyone either. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

    “No, I-” Logan froze, processing what Remy had said, looking up at them in confusion. “What?”

    Remy smiled just a little. “Kissing’s weird. Sex is yucky. They’re not really my scene. Does that mean there’s something wrong with me?”

    “I- wha- of course not.” Logan said, stumbling over his words but still sure of them.

    “Then- surprise!” Remy said, their smile growing a bit bigger. “You’re not broken either.”

    “But the potions-”

    “-make you fall in love as fully as you can.” Remy finished for him. “If you don’t like sex or kissing or romance or any of that, you won’t suddenly start feeling those feelings because you drank the potion. You’re not broken for not feeling those things. Just human. Why would you try to force yourself to feel like that?”

    “Y- the person I love, they… they deserve all my love.” Logan said, hoping Remy would ignore his obvious slip of tongue. “Before I told them I- I wanted them to have all my love; they deserve to have all my love.”

    Remy’s smile turned sympathetic. “Whoever this person you love is… you love them a lot, don’t you? Want them to be happy?”

    “Of course.”

    “Then you love them enough. Hell, you probably love them more than enough.” Remy told him. “Love isn’t parts- it isn’t one third sex and one third romance or anything like that. If you love them, you love them completely. No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it.”

    Logan didn’t respond to that, choosing to just look up instead, finding Remy’s eyes watching him closely and warmly.

    “Hun.” Remy said, tone lightly teasing. “Do you want to tell me who you were trying to ‘fall more in love with’ or should I guess?”

    Logan remained quiet, meeting Remy’s gaze evenly, not sure if he’d prefer for them to guess or just drop the matter entirely. Remy just kept smiling, looking much too amused.

    “Guessing it is, then.” Remy said delightedly. They moved, pushing Logan a bit to the side as they sunk down into the chair next to them, the hand that had been cupping his cheek slipping around his shoulder.

    “You don’t have to do this-”

    “I bet they’re really pretty.” Remy began, ignoring Logan. “Not as pretty as you, of course, but no one’s that pretty so it’s an unfair comparison. And I’mma say they have to be at least a little smart to get your attention given how absolutely brilliant you are-”

    “Remy!”

    “-and I know they have brown eyes because of the love potion, and I have a random suspicion that they’re an alchemist- though that one’s just a hunch- and I really have the feeling that for your cheeks to be as bright red as they are right now they must be very close to you indeed.”

    Logan didn’t need to touch his cheek to know it was, in fact, burning, but he still did, glaring at Remy when their words were only confirmed. “I hate you.”

    “Doubtful.” Remy responded cheerily. “In fact, cutie, I think you looooove me.”

    Logan groaned. “This. This is why I didn’t tell you sooner.”

    “Wrong again.” Remy said, leaning in to rub their nose against Logan’s before leaning their forehead against his. “I think you didn’t tell me because you were harboring under the horribly false idea that you having a brain and realizing that kissing and sex were overrated made you an unsuitable partner. But that’s okay. I’m going to prove you wrong about all of that.”

    Logan smiled at that, reaching over to take Remy’s free hand and run his thumb over the back of it. “How’d you guess?”

    Remy grinned. “My photo was next to the vial.”

    “...Oh.”

    “Thought you had just dropped it or something. Once I realized what you had been chugging I realized why it was really there.” Remy told him. “I didn’t mention it straight away because I didn’t want you to distract me from why you were trying to fall in love with me.”

    Logan nodded. “Yeah… I’m sorry, again, for that Remy, I just-”     “You loved me?”

    “I loved you.” Logan echoed. “Love you. And you deserve so much love, more than I felt I was offering-”

    “Hey-hey-hey, enough of that, now.” Remy said, cutting Logan off gently. “You don’t need to apologize to me, love. I know what you were trying to do, and I appreciate the effort- in theory. But I also need you to know that I love you. You and your big brain and cute face and geeky personality.” Remy freed their hand from Logan’s so that they could brush back some of Logan’s hair, tucking it behind his ear. They smiled as they looked at him, expression sappy in a way Logan really felt should be illegal. “You are magnificent to me, Lo. If I’m lucky enough to get any of your love, in whatever form it may take, I promise you, it’s plenty more than enough.”

    Logan blushed even harder than he had been, which was impressive given up until that moment he didn’t think he could do that. “I- I… I think you’re magnificent too.”

    Remy grinned. “See? That’s what I’m talking about. You look so cute when you’re flustered- and calling me magnificent back, oh, my dear darling starshine, you really are too sweet to be real.”

    Logan squeaked. Remy just laughed.

    “See, this?” Remy asked, leaning in and pressing a quick little kiss to the tip of Logan’s nose before pulling back and watching him turn redder. “This is why I love you.”

    “...I love you too.” Logan said, trying to act annoyed and be sullen but failing miserably in the sense that so long as Remy was looking at him like that- like he had hung the moon and painted the sunrise- he really couldn’t be anything other than a blushing, smiling, giddy mess. A love-stricken mess.

    “There you go.” Remy said happily, shifting so that their arms were wrapped loosely over Logan’s shoulders and around his back in an odd, yet comforting, sort of hug. Once more their forehead leaned against Logan’s, their eyes close and bright with excitement and joy and love as they looked at him. “That sounds like enough love to me, don’tcha think?”

    And with Remy’s eyes still on him, their expression so open and their smile so earnest as they held him close and made him feel warm both inside and out, Logan didn’t have any choice but to smile back, just as lovingly, and answer, “Yeah. I think it’s enough.”

[blueluneacy]

Hello it is the Jotaro x delinquent anon again and I just *clenches fist* love your writing so mucj..... so much,, now I want softly yandere Jotaro to lovingly rope me into marrying him (not requesting yet another thing just stating a fact.) Thank you for blessing us with your stuff 🤩

you fool. You absolute idiot. you think i wouldnt see this and then automatically want to write it? too late, here it is

This is Part One, and This is Part Two of that fic! I’m very happy with how this conclusion turned out!

Warnings: possessive behaviors, yandere, sfw

You thought back to that first date with Jotaro while you did the dishes. Things were so simple then, weren’t they? Gentle kisses and a strong arm over your shoulder as Jotaro walked you home from school, a protection from anything that might harm you. Your parents were never thrilled with Jotaro, but you never gave a damn about their opinion anyway. Maybe you should’ve.

You remembered how you followed Jotaro to college, ending up studying at the same school. In your second year, the two of you moved in together. It was a certain fairytale bliss, something that you couldn’t quite describe, but you knew what true happiness. This was what it meant to be in love, wasn’t it? So, you could overlook the faults in Jotaro, how in public he occasionally held you a little too tight, or seemed to appear and pull you away when he saw someone talking to you a little too long. Of course, that was just because he was trying to protect you, wasn’t it? You had quickly learned that Jotaro had some sort of past, something that he wasn’t willing to get into but hung heavy on his soul. To him, you were a refuge, a place of solace for him. He would protect you the best he could. You always trusted him to protect you, even if it was started to give the inklings of discomfort. After all, it was just love, wasn’t it? You didn’t have anyone else to go to, any other model for what love was. The two of you had been together since high school, throughout college until you graduated together and began working. You smiled at the thought of the two of you getting married, having a family. That idea of you being a stay at home spouse was rather close, but you refused to let it get to you. You wouldn’t want to be a burden on your Jotaro, after all! It was his decision in the end. 

“Maybe you should quit work.” He brought up one day. You looked over, shocked at his request, laughing it off.

“Quit? Come on, this house isn’t that much of a mess.” You teased, but Jotaro just pressed onward.

“You work long hours, and you don’t seem to enjoy it. I can take care of the both of us, don’t worry.” He replied, and you just paused. 

“Not like my work? What are you talking about?” You asked, a bit confused by it all. 

“Well, you come home tired and stressed. Wouldn’t you rather just stay here?” Jotaro pressed, the words seeping into your mind. You were tired, weren’t you? Yes, maybe Jotaro was right. He knew you so much better than you knew yourself, after all, so he had to be right. 

“Maybe… I’ll think about it, I can see where you’re coming from though.” You quit in the next two weeks. 

And it just went on like that for a while. Maybe you should do this. Why do you still talk to them, you seem unhappy when you do. Jotaro seemed so much more in tune with yourself than you, and why would he lie? He was the only person looking out for you, the only person who truly loved you. At this point, you would be able to pick up if he were lying, wouldn’t you?

So, you became his little stay at home partner, letting him come home to warm meals and a kiss on the cheek. It was lonely, sure, but you had Jotaro to keep you company. When he was here, he gave you his attention, his unfettered love. There was no way that he could be wrong in this, not when he was more affection and your relationship felt better than ever. So you pushed back that small feeling that something might be wrong. That Jotaro might be leading you along, like a lamb to the slaughter. He would never, he could never. Your Jotaro was only looking out for you, after all. 

“Maybe we should get married.” Jotaro mentioned in passing once after dinner. You turned to him, in shock. 

“We live together already. Might as well.” He told you, pulling out a small box from his pocket and opening it up. You saw the ring inside and just gasped. While maybe it wasn’t the proposal you were expecting, it was very like Jotaro to not make a big ordeal of it all, even if you were about to cry. 

“Oh, Jotaro, I don’t even know what to say!” You gasped, practically running over and kissing your lover. You held out your hand to let Jotaro put the engagement ring over your finger, smiling as he gave you a kiss over the forehead, then left you to grab the phone. To call and tell his family, he told you. You vaguely realized that it had been years since you had spoken to your own, Jotaro telling you that they only disapproved of you and made you upset. So, you listened to him and cut them off. You didn’t have anyone to tell about your engagement, it seemed. No friends, nothing. But that’s okay. 

After all, you had Jotaro, and that was enough.

[onisiondrama]

(Note: I’m not repeating stories he’s told before and just putting them in parenthesis. I have a lot more videos to go until I’m caught up so that would save me a lot of time. If he gives details I never heard from him before, I will type those.)

“Is Onision A Dad? (+ Story With Onision's Father)“ October 12, 2020 Speaks

James says in the past he’s said he’ll never talk about being a father because the internet is crazy. They called CPS on them 3 or 4 times and every time CPS found that they were really good parents. They are responsible, take care of their kids, show them compassion, don’t hit them, listen to them, hug them when they cry, and you try to give them a better childhood than you had.

(Allegations against his father)

Says his childhood was not awful, but it lacked a lot. He did not have a male role model to look up to that was consistent in his life. He believes most of his problems comes from his childhood.

When he thinks about raising another human being, he thinks it’s important to give them a structurally sound environment so they don’t have an excuse to wind up damaged by something not beyond his control.

Says he was watching Christopher Titus talk about children and he said every parent he talked to regretted having kids. James asks if they knew what they signed up for? He says of course they’ll cry and you’ll have to spend a lot of money feeding them. They’re a financial burden and they’re going to cost you you’re time. That’s your responsibility. His mind is blown that they’re acting like parenthood is a curse.

Says he had a nephew who broke his femur and he was like “how could you let that happen? That’s insane. You must have been so neglectful.” His cousin told him, “just wait.” He says it was kind of like his cousin cursed him. (His found his daughter after she fell out of a 2nd story window story.)

He says he feels like a failure in keeping his child safe. If he could go back, he would have not worked so late that night. He still works a lot to pay the bills. When he found her, he thought she was not going to survive, but once the doctor told him the details he knew she would be fine.

He says he refers to himself as “Dr. James” because of instances like (he refused exploratory surgery for his son story.) He says his common sense was more than the doctor’s 18 years of medical training. If you disagree with him, your conclusion results in a child pointlessly cut open. Says it’s horrifying some doctors do this, but it’s reality.

(Refused down syndrome test story.) He says even if their child had down syndrome, it was past the point of pregnancy termination and they would have not wanted to terminate because people with down syndrome deserve love and to be raised. He says he’s a very virtuous person with common decencies. He asked what the point of the test was if it was too late to terminate? She told them it’s for peace of mind. He says he lost it and went full rant on the two women who were trying to potentially kill their baby with a needle. Their kid doesn’t have down syndrome, but if he did they would still take photos of him playing in the park like all other parents do.

He says one of the leading causes of death in our country is medical error. He says that’s because it’s un-natural and you’re cutting people open. Scalps don’t grow on trees. It’s helpful if you have cancer, but if you don’t know what’s going on you should step back and take a breath.

(More of the rash / refuse surgery story. He keeps name-dropping the doctor and where he worked.) He concludes he’s a very protective father. He says his life is nothing compared to theirs. He exists to make their lives better. 

He says when they got to the new hospital their new doctor was Asian. He has a natural assumption that Asian doctors are more balanced and smart. Doctor says it was a rash. (He smacks his deck and stares at the camera.) He says people online gaslight him and question his intelligence, but when he makes decisions they benefit people. In this instance he saved his son from an unnecessary surgery. He was so glad he was there because Kai isn’t the type of person to throw down. Kai would have let them put in that needle and potentially kill his kid. Kai would have been walked all over by the doctor and let the explorative surgery happen. Says he fought for his kid and he won and his son is better for it. Says full disclosure, from that point on he looked at his kid as a drama queen. He was screaming so much over a rash they went to the ER and they almost did surgery on him. He didn’t say this to his son, but he was thinking it.

James says when he had his first kid, Kai was part of a mom group. People were talking about getting divorced. Kai told him 8 or 9 out of 10 people get a divorce after having a kid. He says having a kid isn’t that stressful. It strengthened their bond when they had one. People came and went who tried to ruin their marriage and they all failed at homewrecking. It’s difficult get him to leave his family when he loves his kids. If his life is inferior to his kids, why would his love life be superior. He says people approach them and try to get him to leave Kai or Kai to leave him and they haven’t been successful so far. They have a foundation built on loyalty to their kids. It’s programed into people, but some people don’t have it. Like his father, he had the opposite. According to an article he tried to sue James, but couldn’t because James never said his name. James says he remembers saying his name so if he wants to sue him down the line, that says who he is as a parent.

(His mom tried to sue to see his kids story.) He says his mom called Kai a “tranny” and said he was invalid because he came out in his 20′s and breastfeeds. He says Kai breastfed because the kids need milk, but he plans on getting top surgery once they don’t need it anymore. One of the kids still breastfeeds. His mom refused to date a guy because he slept with a man before. She said he was attractive and she really liked him, but she wouldn’t date him. He says she’s phobic on every level and she lies to his face.

He wants to be honest and accepting with his kids. He wouldn’t call their spouse what she called Kai. Kai was crying about it and his mom said “good. I’m glad he’s crying.” (he’s doing a texting gesture while he’s quoting her.) He asked his mom about Caitlyn Jenner. His mom wouldn’t say anything ill about Caitlyn Jenner, but still attacked Kai. He thought it was mean because he gave her a house for free. He tried to buy it back and she wouldn’t let him even though she previously said she would give it back for free. Says there’s a lot of bad blood with his parents. If his kid ever gave him a house he would be grateful. He says his mom could visit his kids, but he didn’t want her driving them around because she does drugs.

He says this all reflects on their parenting. His mother-in-law asked if she could drink wine while watching their son when he was a very young baby. He said no. He holds everyone to the same standards. He kicked people out of their life for lying and doing drugs. They went on Hansen and acted like he was a monster. No one gives him compassion for that, he was protecting his kids from drugs. The internet believed the drug addict, criminal, liars.

He doesn’t put anyone over his status as a parent. He says lots of families experience tragedies. He saw a 10 year old that was playing with other kids at a family event. The next family event he found out he was dead. He drowned in a pool or a river. He didn’t think the parents were incompetent, he thought it was a horrible tragedy. He immediately thought their pain must be so severe.

He has a cousin whose kid was on a feeding schedule and the kid was bawling for breastmilk. He thought that was insane. The baby is crying because they need to be fed. The most basic of common sense. The baby died of SIDS. He doesn’t know if it’s related, but as a parent you can’t think you screwed up and hate yourself forever. He says if a kid drowned while the mom was shooting up heroin, that’s clear incompetence. If he was voting or paying his taxes when something happened, you can’t say he’s a monster. You can say he was in the wrong place and that sucks, even if he was 10 feet away. It’s awful and you’re not an innocent party because it could have been prevented, there’s that guilt. There was something very specific you’re supposed to do and it seems your kid starved to death or was nutrient deficient. When they went to the funeral, she talked about how Jesus had a plan and taking care of the kid. He says he never heard her talk about religion in his life. It’s just a scapegoat to make people feel better and so they can live with themselves.

He doesn’t know how he knew his kid was outside when she fell. He still doesn’t know what that metal scraping sound that sounded like a toy car on the garage door. His daughter was a few feet away and couldn’t even reach the door. She barely made any noise. He was so lucky he had his headphones off at that specific time. When you survive a tragedy, you don’t feel woe is me. You say thank god we survived that. He’s not going to sit here and say it was part of some plan. He thinks god or angels are more of a clean up crew than a protector. He thinks god can only influence how to fix it or help. What kind of god lets the holocaust happen and give an 8 year old cancer? He thinks there are subtle miracles.

Says we are programed to love our own unconditionally. If your kid stabbed you in the chest, you ask what you did wrong for them to do that. You don’t blame your kids. There may have been a chemical imbalance, but you have to blame yourself. When he sees his kids he sees a smaller version of himself and it scares him. He sees the vulnerability and how many scary things can ruin his life or her life.

He thinks about how he was abandoned as a kid by his dad and his perversions. His dad didn’t try to apologize to the people he hurt or work it out with his mom. He said I’m fine the way I am and screw my family. He blamed everyone and didn’t take responsibility. When his uncle threatened his dad if he came near the family, his dad said he would do the same thing so he knows how bad he is. Instead of talking to his son, he went to a newspaper. Three victims were abused by him. He loves himself more than his kids.

He says they found out his father had a child out of wedlock. He’s the father to a Somoan woman who is much bigger than he is. He says it looks really silly and they don’t look alike. His father didn’t tell them about his other family. 3 of 4 of his kids don’t talk to his father anymore.

A lot of parents only think of themselves and their ego. He thinks it’s a suicide prevention mechanism. When you’re awful, the species programs you to justify your existence.

(Beat up his dad story) He says that, speeding on the highway, and running a red at 2 am are the only crimes he’s committed. He got pulled over for running the red on his way to Tinker Air Force Base and paid a fine.

He doesn’t understand why people think having kids is a burden. He doesn’t understand why people go against their programing. He doesn’t have a mom or dad who loves him unconditionally. He gave his mom a house and she still doesn’t have unconditional love for him.

He wants to lead by example and share his stories. He think he’s at the point of surpassing so many things and up t this point he already gave his kids a better life than he had. They were never hit like he was as a child. They don’t have a stepdad that makes them pray “I love you satan” to the TV, or does drugs around them, or tape a dead duck to a dog’s neck, or shoots that dog for attacking a child. They don’t have a mom that forces you to round up your geese to be sold for potential slaughter because doesn’t agree with you having them and she doesn’t want to take care of them.

He says he might be hated by his young one day because the standard now is probably low. The mistakes he makes, they might grow to say they’ll be better than their father. Then their kids, etc.

If you regret having your kids, you need therapy. You’re going to set them on a path for only caring about themselves. You have to teach your kids to be kind to animals, kind to each other, respectful of people they love. He knows people who had healthy, functional parents and they turned out to be the coolest people. He is painfully damaged as a human being because of what he went through as a child.

You signed up for having kids, so act like it. They’re not a burden or curse. They’re a gift. When you have kids, you’re going to feel love and happiness like you never felt in your whole life. Your view of the world changes and you realize what you did in your life up to that point was meaningless.

He says he’s going to try to only upload new videos once his other videos hit a certain amount of views so he can focus on other things. He doesn’t want to invest in a sinking ship.

He says don’t buy people houses because they won’t appreciate it. You’ll just dump a quarter of a million dollars and they’ll just roll their eyes. He says he used to have a fantasy of buying everyone in his family a new house or pay off their mortgage when he made it big on Youtube. His mom destroyed that fantasy. He gives, but never stopped to think what have they given you? A lot of people who complained about him publicly were given tens of thousands of dollars of stuff by him.

He has a friend, McFly, who always shows up to his Twitch streams and gives him tons of bits. In return, he bought her a $50 gift certificate for a video game and a couple other games at other points. She also gave him a costume. That’s what real friends are.

He hopes you learned a lot from this video.

[aqvarius]

Masquerade Kiss: Do Bad Girls Like to Self-pleasure? Kazuomi Shido - otona love - chapter 2 summary/translation

sorry this is coming out a little later than i anticipated. i bought and read the entire story in advance to get a sense of the length but my strategy backfired and now after reading it, i find translating more tiring since i already know what happens lol. but there were requests for me to keep translating so naturally i had to do it. once again, i’ve placed a cut because this translation is long and image-heavy, so make sure to click the “keep reading” to see the full chapter.

you can read the previous chapter here, where kazuomi accidentally sees you doing ~something~ to yourself under the sheets... 

you’ve told him to take a shower and you’re moving under the bedsheets. 

feelings that he can’t remember [feeling before] well up in kazuomi at the sight of what looks like you pleasuring yourself.  

“...was there a problem with how we make love?”

“i thought i satisfied both your body and soul...”

however, looking at it now, it seems like that’s not the case. perhaps you’re taking care of yourself because you’re unfulfilled or dissatisfied with his actions. 

“i thought your reaction in bed last night was more than sufficient”

he thinks maybe he should have been more relaxed/taken things easier, and not just in bed. maybe he should have listened to you vent out all your work stress? 

“sensitivity comes from daily heart-to-hearts...”

basically he’s saying that the connection between you two is strengthened through daily everyday communication ughaskjlsd kazuomi is so sensitive and romantic i can’t deal. 

“certainly, i’ve been so busy these days that we haven’t had time to meet,” he thinks, but didn’t realise that it would have such have such a direct effect. this kind of thing has never happened to him before, so he’s unusually confused. 

“is my love not being conveyed enough...?”

to calm himself down, he quietly closes the door so you won’t notice him.

you tell him you need to leave early this morning. taking your turn after him, you’ve had a quick shower and got ready in no time.

“...the mood is pretty awkward”

he wonders if you noticed what he saw, or maybe you’re just embarrassed after doing ‘that activity”. 

you’re about to leave, but he says

“whoa, can’t i get a goodbye kiss?”

(there’s that cheeky おっと again)

“ah... yes...” you say, and stretch up, holding onto his shoulder to get closer to him. you usually kiss him for longer, but today it’s just a quick one. you tell him you’ll contact him again. he takes a sip of his completely cold coffee, thinking back on what you did yesterday.

“...i didn’t make any mistakes. everything should have been perfect”

“and yet, she still wasn’t satisfied...”

he had completely no idea. frowning over his cold coffee, he gets up. 

anyway we’re at the club now and i’m just laughing at the background because this is the first time i’ve seen it so large (since i’m reading on my laptop) and look at how many couples are inexplicably here together? also that random couple on the second table which is mirrored in the next one lmao. and having pole dancers and cancan dancers next to each other with the musicians at the top of the stage... what kind of club do the three musketeers run...

“that night, i was at the usual place with yuzu and kei.”

he’s eating the food that’s being brought in, but the sights that he saw the other day won’t leave his head. (i’m a bit confused by the wording of this because didn’t it happen just this morning?)

kei: “how are things? kazuomi”

kazu: ahh... well...

they were making plans for a “secret room” for the new resort he’s developing. it’s progressing without any problems, but honestly that’s not the issue right now. 

kei: ...kazuomi?

yuzuru: “you’re very absent minded”

kazuomi thinks that you’re feeling lonely* because you haven’t seen each other for a while. he wonders if you’ve been self-pleasuring in that way in the meantime. 

*honestly i can’t tell whether or not he think you’re feeling lonely or if he’s feeling lonely bc there are no possessive pronouns lol. 

so in the meantime [that you’re apart] he might have become not enough. in that case, the issue after all is the time when you can’t meet. (basically that the issue is that you don’t get to spend enough time together).

he thinks about that melty face you get in bed. 

“up until now, there hasn’t been a woman i haven’t satisfied.”

the confusion he felt this morning gradually disappeared, and now he’s filled with the feeling of being faced with a new challenge. “if that’s the case, how do i satisfy her?” he wonders. he declares (in his head) that he’ll satisfy you to the point where you can’t live without him. 

kei: “hm? are you planning something fun again?” 

kazu: does it seem like that?

yuzuru: “when you have that look on your face, you usually are”

kazu thinks that it seems that it did show on his face. 

yuzu: so, what is it that you’re going to do?

kazu: nah, it’s not a big deal

kei: you’re grinning while saying “it’s not a big deal”? you’re not fooling anyone

“talking to you guys is annoying”

(bruh lmao)

kei: hmm, now i definitely want to hear

yuzu: usually you cause trouble by yourself, but i like to be entertained too occasionally

kazu: don’t i always entertain you?

kei: well, it’s as yuzu says, the one who causes the most trouble is kazuomi

kazu: you guys never change (? not sure if i translated that right)

he thinks something about the fact that they’re poking fun at him.

kazu: actually, this time...

when he tells them what he saw, kei’s eyes widen slightly. 

kei: “hmm. so mc-san** masturbates even when kazuomi’s there” 

**i finally changed my name to my usual キラ but he’s basically saying your name there so i’ll use mc to refer to “your name”

yuzu: is that why you were so absent minded?

kazu: even up until now, i’ve never experienced this kind of trial the day after embracing someone 

“there are countless women who have pleasured themselves during the times when we can’t meet”

(lmao!!!)

kei: well i’ll neither agree nor disagree with that... so, what conclusion have to come to as to why mc-san did “that”?

(i’m actually not 100% on what he said but i think that’s what he means through context)

kazu: i’m stumped because i have no idea

kazu: well, strongly speaking(?), i’ve been so busy lately that i couldn’t look after her***

***he means this in the emotional sense, like he hasn’t had time to worry about her concerns/really care for her

kei: but you met her in person and satisfied/appeased her, didn’t you?

kazu: that was my intent

yuzu: in other words, she wasn’t as satisfied as you thought 

(bro why you gotta be so blunt lol)

“...are you trying to make me depressed by treating me like i’m seeing you for a consultation?”

yuzu: i didn’t say anything about getting a consultation

kazuomi unintentionally smiles wryly while taking a sip of champagne. 

kazu: anyway, that’s the main reason ... have i not said enough? (i think basically he’s wondering if he and his mc haven’t been talking enough)

kei: to mc-san? i think you’ve said plenty. when mc-san came to masquerade just recently, you were murmuring so affectionately it was annoying. 

yuzu: “yeah. the things you said were nauseating”****

****set his teeth on edge - literally make his teeth float

kazu: what words...? i don’t understand what you mean since i normally say them unconsciously 

(lmao!! kazuomi is a natural cheeseball)

kei: in kazuomi’s case, i urge women to breathe (no idea what this means: kei says “息するように女性を口説くからね” if anyone can help) 

“sorry but my only partner is mc now”

yuzu: “do you want a consultation? [or] do you [just] want to brag?”*****

*****惚気: speaking fondly of a love one, praising/bragging about one’s spouse

after all that, the cause of mc’s “~activity~” was still unknown. 

--

aaand that’s the end of chapter 2! i really like the direction this story is going in. i think a lot of people’s fantasies are that he would find it really hot but honestly kazuomi just wants to fully monopolise and satisfy his lover. tbh i’d be hella insecure if i had sex with my bf and then he went to go jack off again after lol. it was really cute seeing slightly insecure kazuomi but of course i love seeing him bounce back and treat it as a challenge, as he always does with everything in life, but especially with his mc. it was really fun getting to see some quality banter between the three “S”es, although it was a nightmare to translate some of it... i did learn some new slang tho. 

i hope you enjoyed this chapter! please let me know what you think is going to happen. if you want to read more of my translations from voltage’s otona love, you can read my completed translation of soma’s super steamy “not the story of your first night” (chapter one here) or check out my translations page. 

i’ve set up a ko-fi page here and would be incredibly grateful if you would like to support me for translations and being able to purchase more routes to recap in english!

click here for chapter 3

[jikookuntold]

Can We Rely on Body Language to Confirm a Ship?

*Disclaimer: This post isn’t against any ship, it’s against a narrative for shipping.

Can We Rely on Body Language to Confirm a Ship?

Before answering this question, I have to bring up and answer another question: “Can we rely on body language at all?” 

The answer is yes, but we can do this only in specific circumstances. Not all acts or interactions are interpretable in the body language system. What do we mean when by “Body Language”?

Definition of Body Language

Body language refers to the nonverbal signals that we use to communicate. According to experts, these nonverbal signals make up a huge part of daily communication. From our facial expressions to our body movements, the things we don't say can still convey volumes of information. It has been suggested that body language may account for between 60 to 65% of all communication. Understanding body language is important, but it is also essential to pay attention to other cues such as context. In many cases, you should look at signals as a group rather than focusing on a single action.

Before starting to learn body language and going into detail, you have to know the first and most important thing which is “baselining”. A baseline is how someone acts when they are under normal, non-threatening conditions. You easily can establish baselines by sitting down with the person you want to read better—your child, your spouse, your friend–and talking casually to them about neutral topics that they would have no reason to lie about, such as the weather or what they want to have for dinner. Take note of how they act, how they hold their body, how they sound. Once you have established someone’s baseline, you can look for some of the typical gestures people make with their eyes, outlined below. If you see one of these clues and it is different from their baseline behavior, you know it is a red flag and you have to dig a little deeper. [1]

This might sound boring but if you read the upper paragraphs, you will know how important baseline is. You can’t analyze a person’s body language without having enough data about their personality and normal behavior unless you are an expert in this field. Now let’s find the answer to this post’s main question.

Can We Rely on Body Language for Sexual Attraction?

Can we use body language to tell if two persons have ever had an intimate relationship or they are sexually attracted to each other? The answer is positive. Experts can do this and Ms. Cora Boyd, is one of them. You can watch this video to see how amazing she does her job:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ywpoj0SS0sk

Cora Boyd is a dating coach who works with big dating app companies and if you visit her official website and LinkedIn profile, you can see that her education is all in psychology-related fields and with the gift she has, she can tell if two persons have ever been in an intimate relationship just by monitoring their interactions and body language.

In conclusion, body language can be used for this purpose only by professionals (amateurs can have their  opinions too) BUT there is a big BUT here a professional will ever expose a closeted celebrity, this is rule no.1 of professionalism. So, we can tell body language analysis can be used to confirm a ship but it can never come to the eyes of the public for moral and professional reasons.

Umentory

If you are into ships of BTS, you have probably heard that a "body language expert has analyzed both KM and TK ships” and in his opinion, TK can be real but KM is just a friendly/brotherly relationship. But what was the story behind these analyses?

The YT channel which released these videos was named Umentory (now changed to Supercepción) is running by a guy named César Aurelio Ceballos Peña. He created a poll in his channel to do a ship analysis including KM, TK, Larry, and few other ships. Both Jikookers and Taekookers voted for their favorite ship and as we expected TK won the first place. When I watched his first video and heard him saying "touching ear is an undeniable sign of sexual desire" I found out that this guy has no idea about Korean culture and Kpop skinship and the case was closed for me. But when he made a video for KM (despite TK winning the second poll too) and claiming that KM can't be real, by familiar statements like "JK is not comfortable" I started to doubt his sincerity and honesty and did a deep research about him:

Mr. César Aurelio Ceballos Peña has a  Ph.D. in Fiscal Science and runs courses about body language (apparently from 2015 to 2017). You can check his resume and his LinkedIn profile. I searched a lot but didn't find any psychology-related subject in his education except an article named “Bases para la interpretación del Lenguaje Corporal (2013)”  which I couldn’t find it to be published anywhere. All his job experiences and educations are related to Fiscal Science and he has to be good at his jobs as an economy expert or teacher at communication in the economy. But as I said before, a body language expert has to have psychology-related educations to make legit statements, and they have to be aware that those statements can ruin lives of closeted celebrities in a homophobic country.

Dr. César Aurelio Ceballos Peña didn’t act like a professional but the 3 videos (2 for TK and one for KM) were a breakthrough for his channel. If you check his channel on this website you can see the significant growth in the number of his subscribers, viewers, and income after that specific date.

But what made me do this research?

To make it more clear, I have to refer to another YT channel, the infamous Taekook-lives. If you have watched her videos you already know that body language plays a big role is her analysis and she always claims to know about body language more than the rest of us.

TW/ conspiracy theory

If you try to connect the dots with some conspiracy theories you can tell that Umentory guy came at the exact time of need when TK was almost cancelled by Tae himself and Umentory’s unprofessional claims were perfectly matching with Taekook-lives theories and narratives. I have heard much worse Youtubers jobbery stories that this one will not surprise if it comes out to be true. 

Anyways, conspiracy or not, this was a win-win game for both of them.

Conclusion

When someone tries to do a body language analysis, they have to consider many things and the circumstance is the most important one of those things. You have to know everything that person is going through, the stress, exhaustion, sleep deprivation, presence of cameras, audiences and many other things can change the behavior of a normal person. And not to mention some people are not easy to read and they can easily get misunderstood (I am one of them!)

So when we talk about shipping, body language can’t be considered as a reliable source to prove that ship is real or not. What we saw from the idols’ lives, is just a surface, the thing they (idols themselves, the companies …) decide to show us. The acts that are affected by thousands of variables and those acts can never be analyzed properly and reliably unless you know all the variables. 

Sure we can read people’s body language signs and tell if they are happy, excited, sad, stressed, shy, feeling down, and … but we can never make conclusions about ships out of these emotions. These emotions, actions and reactions can be the result of many things we are not aware of. And as Ms. Cora Boyd said perfectly:

 [1] https://www.scienceofpeople.com/

[the3flamingos]

Will Reaching the Ideal Life Make You any Happier?

Much of what I write here is centered on the pursuit of the ideal life. There are plenty of problems with that pursuit: perfection is impossible, we have limitations, and how do you define “ideal.”

But, for the most part, I believe thinking about what the ideal way to live, and making small steps forward, is usually a good thing. Perfection may be impossible, and obstacles may get in the way, but we can at least strive to live well.

Beyond the obvious problems, lies a deeper challenge: what if you don’t actually enjoy the things you’re striving for?

Wanting and Liking Aren’t The Same

Recent research shows that wanting and liking are controlled separately in the brain:

“liking is mediated by opioid systems and primary sensory and valuation regions, whereas wanting is encoded by midbrain dopamine activity in efferent regions such as nucleus accumbent”

This suggests you can artificially make someone want something more, while causing them to like it less.

And, in a clever experiment, researchers showed exactly that. Subjects in the “jilted” condition were manipulated to both want a prize more, and work harder for it, while at the same time value the prize less when they actually received it:

“…this finding is astonishing, since the decreased ‘liking’ was displayed exactly by those participants who had reported greater ‘wanting’ for the particular gift card. The same event – having failed to win the card in the first attempt – had simultaneously affected participant’s wanting and liking for the gift card in opposite directions.”

Strengthened Desires for Things You Don’t Like?

While the study used gift-cards as the objects of participants’ desires, it isn’t too hard to imagine this playing out in a more significant context.

Imagine you’re seeing someone. After a few dates, everything seems to be going well. Then she rejects you, or he doesn’t call anymore.

Now you’re split, not being able to have this person makes you want them even more. But at the same time, being rejected or avoided makes you like them less. “She isn’t as nice a person as I thought… but maybe she’s also the one?”

Motivation Isn’t Always Rational

I’ve written before that research suggests people are often happier at work, even though they strive to avoid it. Dr Mihaly Csiksgentmihalyi suggested this was due to flow: work pushes us into flow, television often does not. That might explain his bizarre finding.

But reframing the problem through the issue of wanting and liking makes it easier to understand. If wanting and liking are controlled separately in the brain and can be pushed in opposite directions, it isn’t surprising that sometimes we have low motivation for things (such as the difficult, but enjoyable mental state of flow) that we derive the most joy from.

Misguided Dreams and the Pursuit of the Ideal Life

Gift-cards, flow and unrequited love may be three clear examples, but I believe to a certain extent the difference between wanting and liking hampers even our pursuit of the ideal life.

Thinking about the ideal life essentially comes down to our own dreams and desires. Do you want a 3-car garage and a hot girlfriend? Or do you dream about running an online business and being able to live anywhere in the world? Any discussion about what makes a life ideal, inevitably asks, “what do you want?”

However, if our motivations can be influenced separately from our enjoyment, there is a sinister question beneath all our efforts:

What if we reach the ideal life, but don’t actually enjoy it?

Is it Worthwhile to Untangle the Paradox of Motivation?

We don’t always want what we enjoy, and we don’t always enjoy what we’ve spent a long time lusting after. This isn’t news.

Literature is so full of characters who reach their dreams and then turn out to resent them, it’s become a cliché. Isn’t falling for mirages just an inevitable risk we accept when taking on a challenging goal?

I’m not sure you can eliminate the risk. But considering the thousands of hours we’ll spend over our lives, pursuing the right education, finding the right spouse, advancing our career, doesn’t it make sense to spend a little time untangling whether those pursuits are on-target?

Creating a Breadcrumb Trail Separating Wants from Enjoyment

Knowing where you’ve been is the best way to avoid getting lost. Part of my answer to the paradox of motivation has been to keep a journal for the last several years. It’s not a daily record of events, just a place where I can write every several days and think through bigger issues in my life.

One of the benefits of maintaining this habit over the years, is that I have extensive records of what issues were on my mind at different points in my life. This becomes a breadcrumb trail I can follow later when figuring out what I should pursue in the future.

I can look at two types of entries–ones where I write about the pursuit of a goal. There I can notice two things: how much motivation I want for the goal, and how much stress or enjoyment pursuing the goal creates for me.

I can also view entries which talk about my current mental state. Seeing the frequency of enthusiastic vs depressed ramblings, gives a rough picture of how much I was enjoying my life and why.

Then the equation is simple: for the motivations I had, did they pay off? Did they make me instrumentally or experientially happier?

Surprising Conclusions from My Breadcrumb Trail

An interesting finding just from reviewing my own entries, was that having a larger social group wasn’t better than a smaller group. The times when I was surrounded by many people were often worse than when I spent more time with fewer, but closer, friends.

Despite this, my motivation has almost always been to expand my group and focus on meeting new people. Contracting my social group was rarely a priority even though in some cases it might have been the smart move.

Another interesting finding is related to travel. Simply that I typically enjoy working at home more than traveling. I look back fondly on short-term travel, but the actual act I enjoy less.

Here, the solution has been to rethink how I travel. Make it less about sightseeing and more about spending time with people. Longer-term travel where I live in a place for several months may also be a better alternative for me.

Of course, my message isn’t that you should contract your social group or travel less. Those were just my examples. The real lesson is that keeping a journal can give you the ability to go back in time and correct mistakes you made in the pursuit of the ideal life.

Rekindling the Naive Enthusiasm

It’s almost become expected that ageing involves becoming more jaded and cynical about the world. Perhaps this is partially because pursuing wants that don’t satisfy us is soul-crushing.

Keeping a journal and rethinking some of your motivations may seem overly analytical. But the goal isn’t to doubt or question everything, just the opposite. It’s to rediscover the motivations that actually satisfy us and pursue them wholeheartedly. To rekindle the naive enthusiasm for pursuing our dreams, worrying less whether they will burn us.

Question for the Readers: When have your motivations not been aligned with what you actually enjoy? What steps did you take to find and fix them?