#spn witch’s canyon

[queensilber]

Supernatural: Witch‘s Canyon

Posting everything in this book that i think you need to know, lets go!

Summary:

Okay, so, the boys head to the Grand Canyon to solve a case of a fourty-year murder cycle. The spirits of variouse humans and animals alike attack the locals and they need to find out why and how to stop it.

It is set somewhere in Season two.

My opinion:

This was so much fun. Like, it was really like watching an episode, just a lot longer and with the magic ability to see into Sam and Deans (and a bunch of other characters) heads.

It also gave a little bit of a fanfiction vibe, just with the addidtion that everything is cannon and that all the random little facts and quotes are a real thing (i‘ll list those in a second)

And also there were flashbacks of their childhood??? That made me cry??? I hated john winchester before, but now even more so. (More about the flashbacks below too)

So yea, it was definetly worth it and i cant wait to read the others!!

Songs:

This is the music Sam and Dean listened to during the course of the book (some locals listened to music too, but i did not list those)

- „paranoid“ by Black Sabbath

- „turn the page“ by Bob Seger

- unspecified tape by Bad Company

Flashbacks:

There are two flashbacks to Sam and Dean‘s Childhood:

- the first one is Dean Remembering a time when John made him and Sam run through an obstacle course at age twelve and eight. Dean had to shoot a gun during it, Sam just had to point and yell „Bang!“.

In the process of that Sam got injured and cried and John yelled at him to keep going and that he was doing poorly. Dean comforted his brother and encouraged him, leading to sam actually making it. Sam did it and Dean cheered, but john kept yelling at them to keep going to the next obstacle.

- the second one was from when Dean was fourteen and Sam was ten. Their Dad gave them backbags and said what was in them could last them fir four days and they all went on a hike together.

In the middle of nowhere john then saud that they should not trust anyone on what they are told and left them alone, telling them that they should find their way (at very least two days of walk) back themsleves and they shouldnt have relied on him so much and he just… left.

When they checked their backbags they found that most in it was useless and they were also filled with rocks to make it seem like it was more than it was.

Thats so fucked up, like

Those are children. And the worst part, when Dean rememvers this he thinks of it almost positively because it taught him a valuable lesson. I cant even begin to describe how my heart hurt for them.

Random facts:

Here are some facts from the book, i do t know anymor if those are mentioned in the show too, but it hardly matters, i think:

- Sam outgrew Dean at the age of 16

- Dean felt gutity over Jessicas death and thought that it was a „more solid basis“ of guilt than Sam had on the matter

- Sam can differentiate between uniforms of different wars in history just by a look

- Dean hates Rats. A lot.

Quotes:

Some quotes from the book:

John Winchester hunted monsters, ghosts, demons — the creatures most people only believed in deep down in their 3:00 am hearts, abd that they laughted off when the sun was bright and their spirits high.

It was a habit Dean had picked up from Dad — reffering to what they did as a „job“. To Sam it was nore of a Mission, even a calling.

„Sammy really likes cops,“ Dean said. „If he didnt have any talents he might have become one“

Sometimes he thought Dean wouldnt mind dying if he could go out in a blaze of glory, as the saying went. In moments of fairness, Sam knew that wasnt true. Dean didnt care about the glory; he cared about making a difference.

„I‘m coming around to the point, Sam.“ „He‘s Dean,“ Sam corrected. „I‘m Sam“. „Sorry, For some reason, you just look more like a Dean to me“

Gilmore Girls reference?

„You tried to shoot my brother“ Dean said.

Sam belived in a highter power, Dean didnt. Sam didnt have any special knowledge that Dean lacked, handt seen or heard or met God.

Lol, not yet.

Dean had been a kid, hadnt ever had a chance to become anything other than what Dad had made of him. That, finally, was the gulf between them — the canyon that could never be bridged.

Dean was an amazing guy, Sam knew, with skills and abilities most people would never imagine, and smarts Dean himself wouldnt credit, even though he relied on them all the time. And yet, at times like this, he was so humble, so unassuming, that he seemed almost unaware of the importance if his iwn contributions. At other times, of course, that humility vanished. Knowing and accepting both Deans, he guessed, was what being brothers was all about. Maybe I wouldnt want to be Dean, he thought, but i‘m sure glad I have him araound.

STOP MAKING MY CRY WTH

So anyways, that book sure was an experiance and i cant wait for the next one! I‘ll post a review of that as well and will update that post with a link to it one i‘m done!

Xoxo! <3

Next>

[spn2006]

EEEEEK LOOK WHAT CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY!!! i’m soooo excited. i’m so glad i was able to find this online and i cant wait to read it :D i know i could’ve just found a PDF online but physical copies are so much better, you know? i feel so retro :)

[highfunctioningflailgirl]

Dean was an amazing guy, Sam knew, with skills and abilities most people would never even imagine, and smarts Dean himself wouldn't credit, even though he relied on them all the time. And yet, at times like this, he was so humble, so unassuming, that he seemed almost unaware of the importance of his own contributions.

At other times, of course, that humility vanished. Knowing and accepting both Deans, he guessed, was what being brothers was all about. Maybe I wouldn't want to be Dean, he thought. But I'm sure glad I have him around.

from: Supernatural - Witch’s Canyon by Jeff Mariotte

[twobluecows]

Dean “That’s a big hole” Winchester 🤨

Recently started reading the SPN novel series and I needed to draw this interaction from Witches Canyon this scene also the FIRST IN THE BOOK with Sam and Dean god what a way to start.

(hey check out my reviews of the novels: my first one here and the second one here)

[readinginthereadyroom]

—Witch’s Canyon (Supernatural #2), by Jeffrey J. Marriotte

I could honestly quote 6 pages here. but the gist is—sam is 8, dean is 12, and john is making them run an obstacle course on a farm he rented. dean has a real gun, sam finger guns. dean finished the course in 3 tries. but sam is small and skinny and he can’t get over a large gap.

we know from the historian’s note that witch’s canyon takes place a week after a very supernatural christmas (spn 3x08). but this flashback is also set pretty close to the flashbacks in that episode.

which means it’s sometime in 1992. we know from the episode that sam now knows about the supernatural. john must’ve found out that sam knows—because he’s immediately got him training with dean.

john’s yelling and sam’s crying and dean is desperate to de-escalate the situation. why? because john is scary angry. and I don’t think sam knows what that implies. it’s hardly even subtext. john. hits. dean. and dean is terrified he’s going to hit sam.

so what does he do? offers to get him a snickers bar. it’s so sweet and innocent and just tears at your heartstrings that a candybar is like. the height of luxury for these kids.

and sam is immediately suspicious. they can’t afford that. dean can’t. at 8 yrs old sam understands how tight their food budget is—and a candybar is a rare and precious treat. but dean promises and I’m crying again. what is 12-yr-old dean gonna do in order to get that candybar? he’s gonna steal it.

I am assuming the “truck” is meant to be the impala. but I don’t think dean really understands john yet. I mean he’s just a kid and he assumes that—because john magically has money and no job—that he’s stealing. I kinda don’t think so.

john’s an ex-marine. he’s gonna have a rigid sense of right and wrong—at least for certain things. and I think law-abiding would be one of his more inflexible values.

we actually see this in bad boys (spn 9x07) when dean is caught stealing peanut butter and bread. and what does john do? tells the police officer to let him rot in jail. he ends up in a local home for deliquent boys and it turns out to be really good for dean. but see the thing is. john didn’t know that. he just left him. for over a month.

so yeah, dean steals that snickers. it’s probably not the first time either. and it definitely won’t be the last. and we have no idea how many times he’s caught—he probably has a juvie record of petty crimes that only gets worse as he gets older. moves from white bread sandwiches to the list in folson city blues (spn 2x07) that henriksen’s partner reads off. “mail fraud, credit card fraud, grave desecration, armed robbery, kidnapping, and, oh, three counts of first-degree murder.”

in nightshifter (spn 2x12) henriksen refers to dean as a monster. and he draws reasonable conclusions. that dean is the way he is because of john.

(side note: this is why I don’t seen dean becoming a police officer. for one, it’s too risky that his face will be known. for another, dean says acab. jody and donna being exceptions and not the rule.)

because the thing is john’s negative reinforcement gets sam no where. it’s not until dean believes in him (moreso than the promise of a snickers) that get’s sam over the obstacle. and dean is estatic. he whoops with joy and congratulates sam. john, however:

so yeah. maybe henriksen has a point. in many ways dean is who he is because of john. he has anger issues and he’s an alcoholic. but henriksen doesn’t see the whole picture. and it’s not even the supernatural factor.

he doesn’t see dean actually worrying that he is a monster. that his life and its challenges and its terrors have turned him into john. an unfeeling, neglectful, vengeful man.

but we also know dean had the opportunity to leave. to escape john and his scary anger and the paramilitary training and the petty theft and the empty stomach. but he wouldn’t leave sam. couldn’t leave sam. because if he left. if he walked away. then all of those horrible things that dean faced from john would fall on sam.

dean isn’t a monster. a monster wouldn’t worry about feeding his little brother. about encouraging him. about protecting him. a monster would’ve walked away from the family business and never looked back. a monster wouldn’t apologize again and again and again. for every new mistake. mistakes he tries to fix.

a monster wouldn’t worry that they’re a monster. a monster wouldn’t even know. john didn’t.

[youre-only-gay-once]

Oh

[laf-outloud]

Supernatural Tie-In Novels: New Location

If you are looking for my Supernatural Tie-In Novel reviews, they are now located on a separate Tumblr page: Supernatural Novels and More. Follow me there for weekly updates as I share my thoughts and canon vs. non-canon notes from each of the 17 novels. I hope you enjoy!

[iskierka]

assorted bits from the first spn novel:

[supernaturallyobsessedchic]

You’re Not a Monster

Dean x Reader

a/n: I’m putting an authors note here because I don’t know how to tag the reader. She’s a werewolf shapeshifter. She shifts into a wolf like in all of my A/B/O fictions I’ve written. Basically it’s Twilight shit that I write my werewolves. XD Don’t mind me.

Bingo Masterlist

Mobile Masterlist

Warnings: STRONG ANGST, Language, SPN level gore and blood, scary situations, Fluff end to the rescue.

Summary: Dean discovers something different with the reader and it changes their relationship. Is there anything worth saving after Dean learns the truth.

Word Count: 2,609

Square: Quote A (“How about we put the gun down and let’s talk about this?”) @supernatural-jackles​. SPN Tell me a Story Bingo.

a/n#2: This is not part of the Finding Him storyline.

a/n #3: My dumb ass forgot to credit the creator of this gif, I space out and forget, I’m not dumb...but credit for the gif goes to @supernaturalfreewill​

~

“Shit.” She muttered, as she morphed back into her human form to find a very furious looking Dean looking back at her.

They were on a wendigo hunt, when a wendigo almost had a upper hand on Dean, she had morphed into her white wolf form to get out of a tight situation with another wendigo.

Wendigos, though fearless of their prey. But when they are the prey, it’s a whole other ballgame. They began to back off of the hunters. But Dean fired off two flare guns to kill the two wendigos before they got away.

“Dean, I can explain.”

He grabs his colt, loaded with silver bullets. Aiming it at her.

“Dean.” She begged.

“We talked about everything.” He shouted. “Whatever happened to that? When were you gonna tell me about this?”

“Well, how about we put the gun down and let’s talk about this?” she suggested with a shaky voice.

“Talk, now.” He demanded. Ignoring her suggestion. Keeping his gun up and pointed at her.

“Well, my mom was human, and my dad was a werewolf. I don’t know what else to really say.”

“You fucking morphed into a giant ass wolf!”

“I’m not that big honestly.”

“Y/N!”

“Half Breads like me are smaller than the pure breeds. And a certain gene causes the morphing. Most werewolves don’t morph, you just see the fangs and the claws. My kind morph.”

“Now answer the second question.”

She swallowed thickly. Still nervous and scared of the man she’s trusted and loved for years.

“I was never going to mention it to you because I was scared of this. I’m still scared of you finding out somehow some way, and killing me in my sleep.”

For the first time in the night, she saw her flash across the older Winchester’s face.

Faint foot falls can be heard, Sam entered the cave room where they stood. Sam seeing Dean aiming a gun at Y/N.

“Dean, what are you doing?” Sam shouted at the scene.

“She’s a monster, Sam. And she’s lied to us, all this time, she’s lied to us!” he shouted.

“That’s not true, Y/N, tell him.”

“What can I tell him?”

“Dean, do you count how many times she’s had our backs?” Sam asked. “There was that werewolf case in Minnesota when the pack leader cut you up pretty badly. She murdered that son of a bitch and saved your ass. And then there was that witch in Mississippi, the witch turned you into wolf, we couldn’t move you around the city like a normal dog because people knew a wolf from a husky. She managed to find the counter spell, turn you back to human. Then there was that ---”

“I get it Sam, but she could have told me she was part fucking wolf!”

“She had all that time still, all that time to kill us and she didn’t.”

“It doesn’t matter Sammy.” He says, lowering his gun looking at her with disgust. “I can’t trust her.” He says to her.

“Dean please!” she begged tearfully.

“Don’t.” he snapped.

She snapped her jaw shut and she just let her tears fall freely.

“Find your own way back to the bunker, I expect you to be out before morning.”

They stood in the cave room in dead silence despite Y/N’s sniffles from her tears.

“Don’t ever come back.” He warns.

He holsters his gun, and turns to walk out of the cave. Sam couldn’t say anything to Y/N to make her feel better before she silently walked out not far behind his brother.

 One year turned into three, the Winchester’s and Y/N stayed apart but still kept up on hunting. That is until one hunt brought them together again.

It started with hearts being ripped out of college students in the Navajo desert.

Y/N was the first to investigate, one of the students place of death was just outside of an old reservation, a cave dwelling in northern Arizona.

Odd, I smell wolf, but I smell something else. She thought.

She heard a screech from a monster inside the cave dwelling.

Not wolf, wendigo. She panicked. Realizing she was unprepared.

The wendigo showed itself to her, being three times her size, head nearly reaching the caves ceiling.

“Oh, your one of the first wendigos…” she says to herself. Thinking out loud.

It let out another ear shattering screech. Y/N covered her ears desperately to save her hearing. But the wendigo drew its hand back, landing a hard swing of it’s claws. Knocking her across the cave dwelling, hitting the wall hard. Hearing a loud crack, she landed hard on the ground. She felt something warm and sticky ooze out of the back of her head.

She saw the wendigo crawl towards her before her world turned black.

 Weeks later, more bodies turn up, picking up the attention of the Winchester’s.

“If this is werewolves, why was the most recent death out in the desert?” Dean asked.

“Maybe their hold up in the old caves the Navajo natives stayed in? I don’t know Dean, but it was a little over two weeks ago. And their saying a person went missing last week, they were probably looking into the same thing we are.”

“Well, let’s go gank this son of a bitch, stop the bodies from dropping out here.”

With that, they loaded up the Impala for the 50 mile trek to the Navajo Cave Dwellings.

 “This looks so cool; I wonder how the Natives lived in these things.” Sam says fully mesmerized.

“Alright nerd, focus.”

Sam just rolls his eyes. As they searched higher along the cave dwellings.

“Oh my god no,” Sam breaths. His heart dropping to his stomach.

“What?” Dean asked, not far behind from Sam.

When Sam took off running, he managed to catch a good glimpse at what he was running to. More like who he was running to.

“Y/N!” Sam shouted.

Dean took off at his heel running to her side.

“Her wounds are weeks old; she may not make it Dean.”

“Don’t talk like that, she’ll make it.”

“Y/N, baby, can you hear me?” Dean asked, trying to cup her head, his fingers dragging across dried blood. Pulling away, Sam seeing the dried chips of blood on his hand.

“Can wolves like her heal?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know, I never looked into it.”

“Dean, what if she’s gonna die?”

“Sammy, listen to her heart, listen to her breathing, she’s still here with week old wounds. If she didn’t die yet, she’s not gonna.”

Sam began to investigate her wounds further. Seeing the infected gash on her stomach and chest.

“She’s running a bit of a fever Sammy; we need to get her out of here.” Dean says, after running a hand on her forehead.

“Dean, these are Wendigo wounds.” Sam says, pulling up her shirt. Causing the injured girl to groan.

“Easy, Y/N, you’re safe, we got you.” Dean soothed.

“Dean,” she groans. She seemed like she was awake, but her eyes weren’t opening.

“Hey sweetheart, it’s me. You’re okay.”

“Wendigo,” she whispers.

“I know baby, we know it’s a wendigo now.”

“Giant…Wendigo…” she mutters before her body goes limp in his arms.

“Giant wendigo?” Sam asked.

“Could be a hallucination?” Dean questioned.

There was a distant screech in the dwellings.

Sam looked on within the dwellings, and he caught first glimpses of the Wendigo.

“Um, Dean, we might have to abort this one.”

“Why---oh fucking shit.” Dean says following Sam’s gaze seeing the size of the Wendigo crawling out of the Dwellings.

“Sam, that death that was out here, was it even a werewolf?” Dean asked.

“Nope, they ranked it up to animal attack.”

“Then lets get Y/N, and lets get the hell out of here.” Dean says, scooping Y/N up with little to no effort. “Fuck this, lets get!” Dean shouts.

The Wendigo lets out a ear shattering screech. The boys didn’t stop, they hurried as fast as they could out of the cave.

A hand of the wendigo crashed near them, the impact causing them to fly out. Sam flying off left, rolling, and hitting a wall. Dean lost his footing, rolling down the walkway, loosing Y/N from his hold, his back hitting the wall of the pathway. And Y/N stopped halfway on the path.

The roll had dazed Dean a bit, before he noticed the Wendigo was moving to land his hand down to crush Y/N.

“Y/N! NO!” Dean shouted helplessly.

At the sound of Dean’s voice was enough for Y/N to find a small ounce of energy to wake and morph.

Her wolf form let out whine at the pain from the infected wounds. She stumbled to get her footing to jump towards Dean. The wendigo missing her just mere inches.

But the effort proved to be too much for her to handle. She collapsed onto Dean’s lap with a whine and huff. The wolf totally unconscious again.

Sam was first up rushing to his brother.

“Dean, we can’t fight this, it’s too big. And Y/N could be dying from those infections. Let’s get.”

“Help me carry her, she morphed.”

“I’ll grab her tail end; you grab her head.”

They did as planned, and they rushed back to the Impala. Laying the wolf in the back seat. Dean hurries to the driver seat, Sam already in the passenger seat. Dean turned the key in the ignition, roaring the engine to life. He puts it into gear, and he peels out of the canyon where the Cave Dwellings sat, driving full speed to the motel.

 Eventually she morphed back to her human form in her unconscious state as she laid healing in the older Winchester’s bed.

Dean was not letting up; he was going on two nights of no sleeps. He had not moved from his spot by her bedside.

“Dean.” Sam says entering his room.

“I’m not hungry Sammy.”

“Dean, you know when she wakes up and when she finds out you doing this to yourself she’s gonna kick your ass, you know that right.”

“Let her.”

“Dean.” Sam says with a sigh.

“I was so angry with her for her not telling me everything. But she did have a point, “hey guys I’m part monster, don’t kill me.””

Sam stayed silent. Letting Dean just talk it out.

“She would have a reaction to silver, I never looked into, I never asked her. And I pointed a gun at her. I was literally two seconds away from killing the one girl I loved. When there was nothing wrong with her.”

“Dean, your trust with her was broken. You took the time away to reflect, and you saw neither one of you were in the wrong.”

“I overreacted.” Dean says, rubbing his eyes to push the sleep away.

“You did, and there’s nothing wrong with it. She’s the most understanding girl I think, I’ve ever met. I’m sure she’ll forgive you Dean.”

“You remember that witch case?” Dean asked.

“The one where you were changed into a wolf?”

Dean nodded. “Remember you asked why a wolf?”

Sam nodded.

“It’s because of her. Somehow, some part of me knew she was a wolf. She’s my soulmate.”

“Your soulmate? So, changing what spell did that witch use on you anyway?”

“She kept saying something about me walking around this world lost and alone. She said the spell would turn me into the spirit of my soulmate.”

“Wolf, because she’s part wolf.”

Dean nods.

She stirs with a groan pulling the boys attention away from their story to her.

“Sam, did you ever look into her healing process, is it different to us?”

“It is, she heals faster. But her wounds were infected. I gave her, her a shot to help her body fight the infection. Her color is coming back, she’s looking better.”

“She does.” Dean agrees, letting out a yawn.

“Dude, get some sleep.”

“I’m fine Sammy.”

Sam rolls his eyes as he exited his brother’s room.

 She woke up to the familiar scent of the Winchester’s, but the scent of one of the brothers was stronger than the other.

Dean.

She woke up in his room. Feeling a weight on her hip, she sits up slightly seeing him use her hip as a pillow. And he was sound asleep.

His arms looked as if they were trying to hold her as best as he could from where he sat.

She tried to sit up more, but a sharp pain stopped her. She winces.

“You might want to stay in bed, you were banged up pretty bad.” She heard Sam say in Dean’s dark room.

“Wait, what? How?” she asked, trying to understand. Remember.

“We were hunting werewolves, when one death of a victim took us to where you were.”

“Did you guys?”

“Oh, hell no. That fucker was way too big. I don’t think one flare would kill it.”

“You didn’t try?” she asked.

“No, we were more worried about you. You were in pretty rough shape.”

Dean stirred, snuggling closer to her, rubbing his head into her hip.

She ran her hand through his short strands of his hair.

“He was really worried about you, believe it or not.”

“I could feel it.”

“I guess that’s the soulmate thing.”

“What?”

“You remember that witch case, when Dean was a wolf?”

She nods.

“The spell used; Dean says the witch used a spell to turn him into the spirit of his soulmate. And he turned into a wolf.”

“That’s a thing?”

“I guess.” Sam shrugs.

In his sleep, Dean let out a big yawn. Almost pulling him out of his deep slumber.

“Dean.” She says.

“hmm.” He says sleepily, not opening his eyes.

“Come to bed.”

With his eyes still closed, he works at pulling off his boots, taking off his flannel, shirt, and pants. Leaving his boxer briefs on. He pulls the covers off of her, and snuggles in close to her, wrapping an arm around her middle. And snuggling his head into the crook of her neck.

“At least he’s a sleep.”

“I know, like I said, I felt it. I could feel that he was going to wake up sore if he was gonna stay like that.”

“You two make thee most cutest couple, I’m just admitting that right now.”

“Did I just hear Sam Winchester refer to us as cute?” she smirked playfully.

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. It’s just good seeing him happy again.”

“I know, I—”

“I know you could feel it, I’m heading to bed now darlin’, good night.”

“Night Sammy.” She yawned, letting the older Winchester snuggle more into her. “Night Dean, I love you.”

She woke up feeling a hand play with her hair, petting through her long strands atop her head.

She hums, snuggling into the hand. Hearing him chuckle. And felt warm plump limps kiss her forehead briefly.

She opens her eyes to a pair of beautiful green ones. “Hi.” She says softly.

“Hi, sleep good?” Dean asked.

“Better than I had in years.”

“I bet,” he says, giving her another peck on her head. “I called Garth, I’m having him get your things and we’re moving you back in with us.”

“I take it I’m welcome back?” she asked carefully.

“You are welcome back, soulmate.” He says snuggling back into her making her giggle.

“Are all caught up now?”

“I think we are.” Dean admits. “Can I ask you something?”

“Hm?”

“Never again, no more secrets, no more mistrust. Never leave me again.”

“I don’t plan on it Winchester.”

Their lips crash into one another in a passionate, much needed kiss.

~

Tags:

@pandazombie69​, @luci-in-trenchcoats​, @supernatural-jackles​, @becs-bunker​, @mlovesstories​, @winchesters-favorite-girl​, @jayankles​, @jeaniespiehs20​

~

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[readinginthereadyroom]

— Witch’s Canyon (Supernatural #2), by Jeffrey J. Mariotte

just. I CANNOT WITH THIS.

so the premise here is that dean is faking being stupid (about how the grand canyon was formed) in order to tease sam. and for a minute sam falls for it.

and sam’s knee-jerk reaction is to blame it on john. that he messed up dean’s education so badly. so fundamentally. that dean’s utmost interior self is damaged beyond repair.

which means we’re talking about more than school here. we’re talking about the fundamental building blocks of a person. a soul, if you will. which plato defined as the combination of intellect, emotion, and needs. aka the head and the heart and the body.

intellect = standard k-12 education

woefully lacking. I’m not sure if we ever learn how many total schools sam and dean attend (likely different amounts), but the lack of stable education would have a lasting negative impact on their ability to learn.

case in point: dean. he’s a high school dropout. he consistently self-deprecates (spn book #2). and he doesn’t consider himself as smart as either sam or john.

emotion = emotional development

I’m only mid-s3 on my rewatch but I can name some pretty bad instances of john not meeting (or modeling) sam and dean’s emotional needs.

he misses holidays (spn 3x08), he pits the boys against each other, he’s manipulative, he keeps secrets. oh and how about the big one—he tells dean to MURDER HIS BROTHER if/when he goes demon blood evil (spn 2x01).

needs = basic care of a child

not gonna mince words here. john is homeless. by choice. he stays at motels or in the car or couch surfs—and he forces sam and dean to as well.

and since john is too obsessed with hunting, that means dean becomes sam’s primary caregiver. by default. because there is no one else. dean feeds sam, makes sure he is entertained, that he gets to school. that they have enough money (and all that implies).

which means that dean doesn’t have a primary caregiver. his very basic needs of food and shelter are not met. he suffers so sam doesn’t have to.

and then there’s the survivalist hunter training. memorizing lore, killing monsters, wielding weapons. it’s the antithesis of how to build a soul. I’m not even that surprised that sam thinks dean is damaged. he’s so lucky that he isn’t.

and it’s really because of dean that sam is as well-adjusted as he is. how he made it thru 4 years of college—not the courses or the tests, but just being a normal guy. who makes friends. who has a girlfriend. who no one ever questions about his past. because why would joe-schmo sam even have a past worth wondering about? he’s just like everyone else.

but the thing is. doesn’t cas tell dean that his soul is beautiful at some point? the righteous man and all that. the implication being that it’s because he’s an arch-angel’s true vessel that his soul is so pure and wonderful.

but what if... what if he’s not the righteous man by only birthright? what if his soul only shines so brightly because it was destroyed? john ground dean into dust under his author/father/god heel. but dean just stood up, dusted off the shards, and kintsugi-ed himself back together.

dean took all his broken pieces and found ways to repair them. took the time and got his GED. had bobby and sam to care about him. turned the impala into a home. lined himself in gold and silver and platinum mortar.

and that is what cas saw when he lifted dean from perdition. what ultimately made him fall (and fall in love). if dean was born to be the righteous man. born for a purpose. then in order to fulfill that fate he first had to be broken. and it was in the breaking and the repair that dean crafted himself a brand new soul. a better one.

but no one saw. no one but cas.

because cas has a crack in his chassis. he’s been repeatedly grace-lobotomized. he’s different and he knows it. cas took one look at dean’s soul and understood that it was a template. that he could repair, even transform, his grace. piece himself back together better than before.

only first he’ll have to “break” himself further. run away from his author/father/god (who also happens to be thee biblical god). and leap or fall. depending on your pov.

and in so doing cas invented free will. pledged himself to humanity. to an inevitable human life. to dean.

and then spn 15x20 happened. >:|

[readinginthereadyroom]

— Witch’s Canyon (Supernatural #2), by Jeffrey J. Mariotte

okay, let’s talk about sam’s happy ending for a minute. and why I think the finale got it wrong.

this is early days sam. witch’s canyon (spn book #2) takes place mid-s2. in a sense, he’s new to hunting. has never done it as an adult before. he has an autonomy hunting with dean that he never had as a kid. when it was very much the family business and john was in charge.

so it’s about year and change since jess died. sam’s had time to grieve, to understand why and how they were targeted. and he’s working on accepting himself—demon blood and psychic powers and the role he was groomed to play. a role he refused. and the aftermath of that choice.

his ongoing desire for “normalcy” is a symptom of growing up as a hunter. but also, notably, just growing up with john. he says as much, “children in dysfunctional families often re-created them when they grew up.”

I think this important because we never really see sam struggle with the idea of home in the show. not like dean does.

we also know, from dean’s stint in 1973 (spn 4x03) that their mother also grew up in a hunting household. she also craves a “normal” life. wants to run away with john (who isn’t a hunter) and live an all-american white picket fence apple pie nuclear family dream. what she doesn’t realize is how normal her family actually is—she has a stable home, family, friends. she went to school. has a boyfriend.

it’s a hunter’s life—but that’s only one facet of the whole. unlike her kids. hunting is the entirety of sam and dean’s lives.

so it makes even more heartbreaking sense that sam (and dean) would idealize the all-american white picket fence applie pie nuclear family dream. that sam, who has always chafed under john’s drill sargeant lifestyle, would dream of leaving it all behind.

which he does. sam applies to stanford, moves to california, meets jess. makes a conscious choice to be aggressively normal.

but. it doesn’t fit. didn’t fit. even before the return of the YED and learning about the demon blood—his life at stanford wasn’t a real life. he couldn’t tell anyone about the supernatural. couldn’t share huge chunks of his life with jess. couldn’t bring the dysfunctional parts of his childhood out to air. because they are intricately tied together.

“his hopes of normalcy with jessica would have been doomed anyway. he was simply not a normal guy.” no he’s not. disregarding monsters, what would jess have thought—seeing sam turn from a gentle giant into a hunter? to realize he’d been lying to her?

because the thing is, we really don’t know enough about jess to know how she’d react. she’s fridged in the pilot. has a couple of brief cameos. but let’s say she didn’t die. that she survived the YED burning down her and sam’s apt. would she have joined up with the brothers to search for john? helped them hunt monsters? been the original tfw?

as cool as that would’ve been—I think it’s more likely that she’d stay behind. stay safe. stay out of this bloody and terrifying world. she has her own life, her own dreams. and eventually. eventually she’d move on from sam. because a hunter’s life isn’t one she might want.

but of course. that’s a lot of what-ifs. because in the reality of spn, sam has the literal worst luck with relationships. or perhaps we should say his gfs have the worst luck. since they mainly end up dead.

but time moves on and we see sam opening up with eileen. keeping to character and continuing to try for a version of happiness. even if that version isn’t what he thought it would be when he was in his 20s.

and that’s why sam’s blurry wife, brother nostalgic kid, picket fence non-hunting life sits so poorly with the fandom. he didn’t give up on that life. he out grew it. a long time ago.

no, sam’s life post-finale should’ve been one of leadership and research and community. obviously with eileen. you don’t fight to bring someone back from the dead and don’t spend the rest of your life with them.

the there’s the kid thing. I honestly don’t see sam and eileen having children. yes, sam’s an adoptive uncle/parent to jack. he cares about claire and kaia and all the apocalypse world teens. but in many ways none of them are his direct responsibility. jack is cas’ and claire is jody’s. sam is an intermittent co-parent.

which is fine, btw. this is not a criticism on sam’s parents abilities. after all, it takes a village. and sam is an integral part of that village.

but when it comes to the life he chooses after spn? I just don’t see him an eileen with a mini dean. a dog? definitely. various and sundry found family members? absolutely. kids? nope.

the entire spn narrative has been telling us that the all-american white picket fence apple pie nuclear family dream is the dysfunctional one. that doesn’t fit sam and dean. doesn’t fit any of them. they need a new type of family.

and that’s what tfw actually means. family.

[readinginthereadyroom]

— Witch’s Canyon (Supernatural #2), by Jeff Mariotte

well there’s no historian’s note in spn book #2 so I did a little detective work to figure out where it aligns to canon.

the story takes place in arizona on december 4th, 2006. which according to the chronology on the spn wiki:

is only the day before what is and what never should be (spn 2x20). however, I found another timeline on hells-half-acre lj that puts the novel after hunted (spn 2x10).

this makes more sense since nevermore (spn book #1) took place between crossroad blues (spn 2x08) and croatoan (spn 2x09) on november 12th, 2006.

which means the fan-created chronology on lj is more accurate than the spn wiki. tho I really shouldn’t be surprised at that.

[youre-only-gay-once]

Happy “soup made of pure evil” Saturday

[youre-only-gay-once]

John winchester literally made his 12 and 8 year old sons run marine style obstacle courses...

[youre-only-gay-once]

OH GOOD GRIEF HE LEFT THEM ON THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN WITH NO SUPPLIES

[youre-only-gay-once]

They’re both blaming themselves for something that was planned out to be unavoidable...