#also I headcanon that snickers become part of their sibling shorthand

[readinginthereadyroom]

—Witch’s Canyon (Supernatural #2), by Jeffrey J. Marriotte

I could honestly quote 6 pages here. but the gist is—sam is 8, dean is 12, and john is making them run an obstacle course on a farm he rented. dean has a real gun, sam finger guns. dean finished the course in 3 tries. but sam is small and skinny and he can’t get over a large gap.

we know from the historian’s note that witch’s canyon takes place a week after a very supernatural christmas (spn 3x08). but this flashback is also set pretty close to the flashbacks in that episode.

which means it’s sometime in 1992. we know from the episode that sam now knows about the supernatural. john must’ve found out that sam knows—because he’s immediately got him training with dean.

john’s yelling and sam’s crying and dean is desperate to de-escalate the situation. why? because john is scary angry. and I don’t think sam knows what that implies. it’s hardly even subtext. john. hits. dean. and dean is terrified he’s going to hit sam.

so what does he do? offers to get him a snickers bar. it’s so sweet and innocent and just tears at your heartstrings that a candybar is like. the height of luxury for these kids.

and sam is immediately suspicious. they can’t afford that. dean can’t. at 8 yrs old sam understands how tight their food budget is—and a candybar is a rare and precious treat. but dean promises and I’m crying again. what is 12-yr-old dean gonna do in order to get that candybar? he’s gonna steal it.

I am assuming the “truck” is meant to be the impala. but I don’t think dean really understands john yet. I mean he’s just a kid and he assumes that—because john magically has money and no job—that he’s stealing. I kinda don’t think so.

john’s an ex-marine. he’s gonna have a rigid sense of right and wrong—at least for certain things. and I think law-abiding would be one of his more inflexible values.

we actually see this in bad boys (spn 9x07) when dean is caught stealing peanut butter and bread. and what does john do? tells the police officer to let him rot in jail. he ends up in a local home for deliquent boys and it turns out to be really good for dean. but see the thing is. john didn’t know that. he just left him. for over a month.

so yeah, dean steals that snickers. it’s probably not the first time either. and it definitely won’t be the last. and we have no idea how many times he’s caught—he probably has a juvie record of petty crimes that only gets worse as he gets older. moves from white bread sandwiches to the list in folson city blues (spn 2x07) that henriksen’s partner reads off. “mail fraud, credit card fraud, grave desecration, armed robbery, kidnapping, and, oh, three counts of first-degree murder.”

in nightshifter (spn 2x12) henriksen refers to dean as a monster. and he draws reasonable conclusions. that dean is the way he is because of john.

(side note: this is why I don’t seen dean becoming a police officer. for one, it’s too risky that his face will be known. for another, dean says acab. jody and donna being exceptions and not the rule.)

because the thing is john’s negative reinforcement gets sam no where. it’s not until dean believes in him (moreso than the promise of a snickers) that get’s sam over the obstacle. and dean is estatic. he whoops with joy and congratulates sam. john, however:

so yeah. maybe henriksen has a point. in many ways dean is who he is because of john. he has anger issues and he’s an alcoholic. but henriksen doesn’t see the whole picture. and it’s not even the supernatural factor.

he doesn’t see dean actually worrying that he is a monster. that his life and its challenges and its terrors have turned him into john. an unfeeling, neglectful, vengeful man.

but we also know dean had the opportunity to leave. to escape john and his scary anger and the paramilitary training and the petty theft and the empty stomach. but he wouldn’t leave sam. couldn’t leave sam. because if he left. if he walked away. then all of those horrible things that dean faced from john would fall on sam.

dean isn’t a monster. a monster wouldn’t worry about feeding his little brother. about encouraging him. about protecting him. a monster would’ve walked away from the family business and never looked back. a monster wouldn’t apologize again and again and again. for every new mistake. mistakes he tries to fix.

a monster wouldn’t worry that they’re a monster. a monster wouldn’t even know. john didn’t.