#spitaverse burr

[celticrune]

30 33 41 44 for the writers meme

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written.“Silencefalls and so does she, dropping to her knees next to the bodies.”

from Agaricus Bisporus which I don’t actually think I’ve ever published on here huh.

33. Do you listen to music when you’re writing?Yes, but then I listen to music pretty much 24/7. What music varies a lot, game soundtracks when i really need to focus or just my normal music when i can’t be bothered with pausing it/finding something else.

41. How many stories do you work on at one time?I currently have 11 WIP docs in my writing folder, though a few of those are duplicates and some draft versions of projects I’ve since completed. Really, there are 4 actual fics that I am intent on continuing.

Generally, I focus on one at a time, though my interest comes in waves so while I won’t be writing on two different things within the same day it can vary over a couple days. Also if I’m working on one specific project and I get a really good idea for something I can write in one sitting then I’ll give precedence to the shorter project.

44. Best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.That is a good question. “best” is a relative term but if we’re talking ’gave me the most warm fuzzy feelings’ that’d be when I shared a broken thing mend with the group I play Jay with. Most of that group is people I only see for DnD so we don’t really know each other outside of that so when they were really positive about it well that hit hard

[acommonrose]

D&D Character Aesthetics: Rorik Runfell (human rogue) (for @spitaverse-burr)

Keep on dreaming, don’t stop breathing, fight those demons

[cherry-pixels]

(Feel free to tag if you know the cosplayer)

Fenris: @kima-ladyofvord​

Hawke: @spitaverse-burr Skyrim woodelf: @zoutzak

More pictures coming later.

[dvddggs]

To the Four of Us (EPILOGUE)

Words: 2,569

Author’s note: It took me weeks (months?) to get this right. I got so attached to my TTFOU characters that I had to make sure they had the right sendoff. I ended up loving this story. I loved writing it, I loved reading your comments (don’t think for a second that I didn’t read EVERY SINGLE ONE of them. I did. And they ALL made me smile), and I love that you guys loved it so much. Seriously I can’t thank you all enough for letting me share this with you and for supporting me. I don’t wanna get long and sappy so I’ll leave it here. Also, I’m sorry for the wait, but I really hope you enjoy it now that it’s here!

Tags: @heythereitsloey @anitheunicorn @newyorkyoucanbeanew @lafbagxette @justafangirlwithanavy @iamgrayfox @ordinaryornate @schuylerjoon @georgewashingsin @trashyperson101 @crazydragon15 @but-if-you-had-to-choose @geespilots @marvelous-hamilfan @mynameisalexanderhammyham @panda-powers@lafeyettegunsandships @schokoobananaa @aphboi @hell-yes-puns-and-ships @aham-threw-his-shot-away @hesitantcat @nonstopspook@hamrevolution @alexander-did-you-know @spitaverse-burr@angelizaandpeggy @isis278 @idk-destiel @engulfedinstars@hamiltrashuniverse @ahrupe @just-me-an-asshole @readfizz@skeletonmelodies @gum-and-chips @iminwaytoomanyfandoms@hadleyelizabethuley @fictionalboyfriends @ridiculousn3ssfangirl@pleuxvoir @liallow @kanadianwithashippingproblem @bucket-of-kittens @welcometohamilton @forth-schuyler-sister @fanwaffles@ariadne1004 @inspacewmorty @marshmallow-satan @anbu1997@sinmineral @esmeraldablazingsky @fictonalboyfriends @i-am-forever–bored @imdiggingdaveed @skittle-geek

Now, without further adieu, the TTFOU epilogue!!

There's comfort in familiarity. That was why when they turned onto the familiar street with the familiar lampposts and the familiar trees John literally squealed with delight despite the snow which fell softly onto the windshield.

Alexander raised an eyebrow at his husband. Normally in the presence of snow, John would be at least a little grumpy.

"Whaddaya want, I'm excited! Can I live?"

Chuckling, Alexander turned his eyes back to the road and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He was excited too, though he had the ability to control it a bit better so as not to wake the sleeping figure in the backseat.

They were less than three minutes from his father, who he hadn't seen in months. Despite their best efforts to get back to his home state of Virginia, their lives were so hectic that they simply couldn't find the time. Not to mention the trek from South Carolina with a new baby had been rough at best.

"Y'know," Alexander said, catching John's eye in the rearview mirror. "You don't have to sit in the backseat with him every time we get in the car."

"He's more fun than you," John teased from beside the car seat. "All you do when you drive is stare at the road in silence."

"Only because I don't want him to wake up! You know how hard it is to get that boy to sleep!?"

John shrugged and looked down to his right. He had a valid point.

Alexander swung the new SUV gently into the driveway of the old house and parked behind the old car that his father refused to replace. Turning the car off, he turned in his seat to smile at his little family.

"Philip," John said softly, brushing the fluffs of hair on his son's tiny head. "Time to wake up, lil buddy. We're here."

"To meet your grandpa!" Alex chimed in.

He pocketed the key and opened the back door for John, who was unbuckling the car seat.

"I hate this thing," he murmured, giving up in favour of picking up Philip alone. "Why do they make them so difficult? We can come back for the carrier later. I can't do this anymore."

Laughing, Alexander offered a hand to John and hiked the diaper bag onto his shoulder.

"C'mon," he said. "My dad is probably quivering with excitement right now. After we fell asleep last night, I missed four calls from hi—"

He was cut off by the sound of the front door opening and his father jumping off the porch to greet them.

"ALEX!" George pulled his son into a tight hug, pulling the bag off his shoulder and plopping it on the ground in the process. "How was the drive? How are y'all? And how is my grandbaby!?"

"Tired." John pulled Philip away from his chest and smiled down at him. He knew this would probably be the last time he got to hold him for the entire summer because of his father-in-law.

Philip's sleepy gaze focused on John and he blinked as his little mouth opened in a yawn.

"Let's go inside," Alex prompted, picking up the bag again. "He's probably freezing."

George led the way into the house and sat down in the living room, arms outstretched. "Okay," he said. "Let me hold my boy!"

"I thought I was your boy," Alexander said as John laughed, gently handing Philip to George.

"Not anymore, kid," George deadpanned without taking his eyes off of Philip. He stared at him in stunned amazement, watching as Philip's wide, wondering eyes scanned his new surroundings.

Alexander was forced to play host and find drinks and snacks for everyone because George was too entranced with Philip to do anything else. They chatted easily about their new life with Philip for awhile until John curled up beside Alex in their usual spot in the couch and fell asleep.

"Is he okay?" George chuckled. "He's usually up later than both of us."

"We haven't gotten much sleep with the little man around." Alex held out a finger for Philip to grasp and wiggled it around in his hand. "Did you know babies suck at sleeping?"

George smiled. "No, I didn't actually. But I know you sucked at sleeping until you were nine. Why don't you guys go take a nap?"

"Are you sure? You'll be okay with Philip? I can set up his swing. If the worst comes to worst, just put him in there and he'll fall right asleep. There's an extra bottle in—"

"Alex. I'm fine! Philip and I have got this. Go. To. Sleep."

Alexander gently woke up John, who jumped up muttering incoherently about if Philip was alright and that, wow, it was already morning. Alex was willing to bet that John didn't even open his eyes as he led him upstairs to his old bed.

"Where's...Philip?" John muttered, his sentence interrupted with a yawn.

"Go to sleep, John."

Alexander pulled the blankets down and crawled after John into his bed where the two of them promptly fell asleep within seconds.

I look beside me and catch John's eye, crinkled and bright with happiness. We are alone in a room, waiting for the agent to return to her office. Today is the day. We are going home with our baby.

John is twisting the silver ring on his left hand anxiously. He is nervous that something is going to go wrong again.

I understand.

"It's going to be fine," I say, reassuring myself as much as John. She will be back at any moment. Any moment...

ALEXANDER HAMILTON

JOHN LAURENS-HAMILTON

Two signatures. A satisfied nod. Smiles. Laughter. Crying. We made it. He is ours...

The drive home. John insists on sitting in the back seat of the car with Philip, our son.

Our son.

John is still crying tears of joy. So am I. We talk to Philip on the drive, telling him about our home.

His home.

We are almost there. One more street, one more turn, one more minute...

"Where's Philip?"

John's question makes no sense. He's right beside him.

"Lex, where is Philip?"

I knit my eyebrows together in confusion and glance in the rearview mirror. The car seat is empty.

Suddenly, I'm frantic. Where did he go? Why is he gone?

"Alex, WHERE IS PHILIP?"

Alexander's eyes flung open as he wiped beads of sweat from his temple. John was hovering over him looking worried.

"Where's Philip?" John repeated, lips pressed softly to Alexander’s ear.

John’s arms were wrapped around his husband as he whispered through the darkness. Though Alexander’s heart was still pounding from his dream, he registered how at peace he was.

"Jesus fuck, John," Alexander breathed. "You damn near gave me a heart attack.

"Alexander!"

Alex rose an eyebrow questioningly.

"I told you to stop swearing with Philip around! He's slowly gonna catch on until the only words that come out of his mouth are—" John leaned in closer and dropped his voice to a whisper— "fuck, shit, and damn. Is that what you want? Huh?”

Alexander rolled his eyes, though he couldn't help but suppress a grin. "Jesus, Laurens, he’s four weeks old and an entire floor away. I think we're safe."

"Still..." John said dramatically. "Anyways, what time is it? I feel like we've been sleeping for—"

"Holy shit, three hours!" Alexander said, showing John his watch. "Three. Hours. Herc and Laf are probably here already."

“They’re gonna kill us." John bit back a yawn and pulled Alexander up. "Let's go."

Alex had been right—as soon as they left his room they could hear familiar, muffled voices from below them.

John's face lit up at the sound of his best friend. He pulled Alexander after him quickly enough that they almost fell down the stairs.

Hercules and Lafayette had just gotten back from spending a year with Laf's family in France so they hadn't all been together for ages, aside from the occasional video chat. John was at the point where he mentioned how much he missed Laf almost every day. They were planning on spending the rest of the summer at George's house, just like they all used to during university. There were a couple of small differences these days, however; namely Philip and Marie, Herc and Laf's five year old daughter.

The muffled speech stopped when they heard footsteps on the stairs, and when Alex and John got into the living room, all hell seemed to break loose. Lafayette's voice emerged victorious when he yelled, "JOHN!" in a bloodcurdling squeal and John sprinted across the room, falling into his arms a teary-eyed mess.

"Never leave me again, bitch" John muttered into Lafayette's chest. "I had no one to complain to about Lex for fourteen months, Laf. It was hell."

Alex smacked his husband on the shoulder before pulling his old roommate into a tight hug.

"How was France, Herc? We missed you guys so much.”

Hercules grinned, stepping back from Alex so they could watch Laf engage in tradition—planting a wet, sloppy kiss on John’s lips, much to his dismay. "I'm pretty sure Marie and Laf are conspiring against me because they only ever converse in French anymore. But aside from that, it was incredible. I wasn't sure Laf was going to let us leave, to be honest."

"Uncle John?" said a small, clear voice from below.

"Hey, Marie," John smiled, kneeling down and taking the little girl's hands. "How are you doing?"

“What does that word that you said mean?" she asked innocently.

“What word, my love?”

“Bitch.”

Alex snorted into his hand and doubled over laughing as John's face drained of colour and Lafayette stared at him furiously.

"John Laurens-Hamilton. We have been home for one day. One. Day. Thank you very much, my friend." Laf bent down to address his daughter. "That's an adult word, my Marie. It's unnecessary to say, so we don't say it. Uncle John said a bad word, understand?"

"Oui, Papa. Il est un mauvais oncle."

It was Lafayette's turn to stifle his laughter.

"Anyways," Alexander insisted, ignoring John's glare at Laf. "How was the drive? Sorry we slept through you guys getting here."

Hercules shrugged. "Our flight landed yesterday morning, so we spent the night at home then left earlier today. We would have been here sooner if this one hadn't bought Marie a large coke at the gas station. We were stopping for pee breaks every twenty minutes."

Laughing, Alexander returned to his spot on the couch and took Philip back from his father, who looked like he hadn't moved since they went to bed.

Marie wandered over and tapped Alexander on the knee.

"May I hold baby Philip?"

"Oui," Alexander grinned, patting the empty spot next to him. She scrambled up—with Herc's help—and outstretched her arms, looking comically similar to how George looked earlier. When Alexander positioned Philip on Marie's lap, her entire face lit up as he looked at her with wide eyes.

"He's beautiful, Alex," Laf said as he joined Marie on the couch, gently brushing a finger along Philip's nose.

"Can we keep him, daddy? I want a baby brother," Marie said to Hercules, whose eyes grew wide.

"I—uh—I think it's going to be a few years before we look at getting you a baby brother, okay, honey?"

Marie stuck out her bottom lip and nodded, leaning down to kiss Philip's forehead.

"I'm going to go play now. You can have your baby back, Uncle Lex."

"No, no, no," Laf said, wiggling a finger at his daughter. "It's my turn! This is the first time he’s been away from George since we got here.”

“Since we got here,” John corrected, taking a seat on the floor next to Marie.

Laf picked up Philip and cooed incoherently at the poor child, who Alex could tell just wanted to sleep. Today was Philip's first day around people other than he and John, and though Alexander hid it well, he was feeling anxious about everything.

"Hey, Laf?" Alexander said quietly.

Laf raised his eyebrows, barely looking away from Philip.

"When did you feel like you knew what the hell you were doing with Marie?"

Lafayette chuckled, turning his full attention to Alexander.

"Let me tell you a secret, my friend," he said. "You literally never will. We're still making things up as we go. Like, when we went to France, we had no idea if that would be best for her. I mean, it was—we ended up loving it—but still. You never, ever know. You just do what feels right until they grow up and start making their own screwed up decisions. Like, for example...going to college and getting in the middle of a revenge fuck-fest with your boyfriend-and-eventual-husband."

Alexander laughed at the jab. The best part about Hercules and Lafayette was that no matter how long they went without talking or seeing one another, when they reconnected it was as if no time passed at all.

“John,” George said, standing up. “Do you want to help me bring out snacks and drinks?”

John nodded and followed George into the kitchen. Leaning against the counter, he looked down at the familiar linoleum floor and smiled.

“Hey, George?”

Humming in response, George continued to dig through a cupboard in search of a bag of chips.

“Thank you. For everything.”

At this, George stopped and turned to look at his son-in-law.

“It’s no trouble, John, really. You know you guys are always welcome h—”

“No,” John interjected. “I mean, thank you for everything. I mean, the people in this house are the only family I have—especially you. I seriously doubt I would have made it through college without you, and I’ve never told you that. So just…thank you.”

You know those really good hugs? The ones that are warm and strong and make you feel like crying because you feel so loved and so safe? Those were the types of hugs George gave. He held on until John’s breath hitched in his throat and he had to cough to stop himself from tearing up.

John cleared his throat gruffly and opened a cupboard.

“What do you have to drink?”

“Here.” George handed John a bowl of chips. “Bring these out. I’ll grab drinks.”

John put the bowl on the coffee table and sat next to Alexander, who was squished between Laf and Herc, laughing about something on the couch. Philip was laying on his play mat and Marie had pulled out a box of weathered, old Lego from Alex’s childhood.

A few minutes later, George emerged with two mugs in his left hand and three in his right.

“I made hot chocolate,” he said. “Extra marshmallows for Marie.”

“Just what she needs,” Hercules groaned, though Laf was smiling.

As soon as George set the drinks down on the table, everyone reached for their respective mugs.

Alexander caught John’s eye and grinned in the direction of his father, who had sat down on the floor to pick up his grandson and make funny faces to dazzle him.

John leaned in close and pressed his lips to his husband’s ear. “I love you so much, Lex.”

Wordlessly, Alexander slipped his hand into John’s and laced their fingers together, squeezing his palm.

He didn’t have to say anything.

[astrifer0us]

spitaverse-burr > reaper-kravitz

[yasha--nydoorin]

i was tagged by @spitaverse-burr (like 2 weeks ago lmao) to post my lock screen, a selfie and the last song i listened to... so like have a gillian anderson to divert your attention from my tired fuckin face (and le chat noir)

i tag @delphinecormeir hurr hurr

[celticrune]

oh oh oh do rorik/morana and chal/temperance and keiji/wyatt and tanwen/ghilli for the ship things im a slut for our ships!!!!

yess good let’s do this (and same tbh i love them all so much)

Under a cut for length

Rorik/MoranaWho said “I love you” firstProbably Rorik, considering how Morana never remembers to voice her feelings. Given how much they stumbled into a relationship, Morana would’ve said something like “I love him” first, cause Traxae couldn’t keep her nose out of other people’s business, but she wouldn’t have been the first to say “I love you” specifically.

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone backgroundMorana, cause she’s exactly that kinda sap. It’d be a candid picture as well, one he didn’t know she made until he happens to see her phone background at some point. She changes it whenever she manages to snap another particularly cute picture of him.

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirrorRorik. In most AUs (and recently in canon) Morana doesn’t like looking at herself for too long, so he’d little positive notes or cheery doodles on the mirror to make her feel better. It helps.

Who buys the other cheesy giftsMorana. Gifts are one of the main ways she shows love, so yea. Lots of surprise gifts for Rorik. She gives them with little to no presentation, she’d just drop them into his lap as she walks by or something like that, but yeah. Small things, something she noticed caught his eye while they were out, something she saw that reminded him of her, those kinds of things.

Who initiated the first kissProbably Morana, given how she was also the one who thought they were dating while Rorik was still mostly unaware. She wouldn’t kiss him without asking, but yea it came as a bit of a surprise to him.

Who kisses the other awake in the morningI’m not actually sure? We’ve never really established if either of them are morning people. Lux, hmu we need to talk about this. For now though, let’s say that it varies.

Who starts tickle fightsif Rorik starts a tickle fight he will Die i’m not kidding

Who asks who if they can join the other in the showeroh man that’s a hard one (heh). Probably Rorik, cause Morana just. wouldn’t. She already has a hard time seeing herself as beautiful it’d be difficult for her to put herself on display like that.

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunchMorana. What she lacks in words, she makes up for with little surprises like this.

Who was nervous and shy on the first dateBoth of them! Morana’s a lot better at hiding it but yeah she was feeling those nerves. Seeing how nervous Rorik was actually helped though, and she made sure he had no doubts about how much she wanted to be there with him.

Who kills/takes out the spidersBoth of them. Morana kills any spiders she finds, Rorik puts them outside.

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunkRorik

Chal/TemperanceWho said “I love you” firstTemperance was the first to say the words, Chal was the first to say them and mean it. Not to say that she was lying to him, but it took her a while to realise that oh. this is Real.

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone backgroundConsidering Temperance is blind in AUs and doesn’t have a phone in her canon (not that she’d put a picture of him as her background even if she did, cause she’s got appearances to keep), she wouldn’t. I’m not sure if Chal would, lux pls elaborate

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirrorChal would leave snarky comments, just cause he knows she won’t see them. Somehow she still always knows.

Who buys the other cheesy gifts…Chal. Temperance just snarks about how all the good liquor he keeps stealing from her is all the gifts she ever needs to give him. Chal would give her honey from his bees with some cheesy pun.

Who initiated the first kissTemperance. She’s more familiar with physical than emotional intimacy, so it’d be a quick next step for her. It’d take a lot longer for Chal due to his dysphoria.

Who kisses the other awake in the morningSpending a leisure morning together where neither of them have anywhere to be is a very rare thing, so there isn’t really a pattern. If they even sleep together, one if not both of them will usually have a morning meeting the next day.

Who starts tickle fightsI don’t think either of them would.

Who asks who if they can join the other in the showerTemperance definitely would, I’m tempted to say Chal would as well but I’m not 100% sure.

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunchChal, if he can find the time. Contrary to what some people might say, they are in fact both busy people with actual lives they need to attend to.

Who was nervous and shy on the first datethat’s a good question. I think both of them were a bit, i think everyone would be, though Temperance was more out of her depth than nervous. She’d be able to charm her way through a date if it were anyone else, but she wants what she has with Chal to be real.

Who kills/takes out the spidersBoth of them.

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunkNeither of them. They’re both guarded people who have a very tight leash on their emotions, and Chal just also doesn’t get drunk. If it were just the two of them and Temperance was properly drunk though, she would get a lot more mushy than she usually is. No loud declarations, but she might start rambling about all the unfairly adorable things Chal does.

Keiji/WyattWho said “I love you” firstI’ll let you know when I find out. Seriously though, when will these boys get over their denial and actually talk to each other? more at 6

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone backgroundNeither of them, cause they’re Not Boyfriends. Keiji would have some really embarrassing picture of Wyatt as his background as a “joke” tho.

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirrorThey both do, but it’s always sass. They’ll both be in the bathroom going through their respective morning routines and just purely communicating through mirror notes and facial expressions.

Who buys the other cheesy giftsKeiji has on multiple occasions gotten Wyatt really cringey meme shirts. they’re terrible. where did he even find these.

Who initiated the first kissThey both say they’re the one who initiated it. Honestly, no one knows. They hooked up at a party not too long after they became roommates the situation was a little fuzzy.

Who kisses the other awake in the morningNeither of them cause that kinda affection is for people who’re dating and they’re most definitely not dating.

Who starts tickle fightsKeiji, cause he’s an annoying little shit and he likes getting a rise out of Wyatt. (he also likes seeing Wyatt laugh, and seeing him breathless, but those are two entirely different matters)

Who asks who if they can join the other in the showerBoth. Their bathroom is tiny and uncomfortable but they make it work.

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunchi don’t think either of them would tbh, or at least not for a while.

Who was nervous and shy on the first dateThey have not yet had their first date, so, yeah. I’ll let you know when I know.

Who kills/takes out the spidersBoth.

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk....i could honestly see Keiji, after having come to the realisation that wait fuck he loves Wyatt, trying (and succeeding) to hide it only to then blurt it out when drunk. It’d be the least romantic confession of all time and it’s a toss up whether either of them even remember the next morning.

Tanwen/GhilliWho said “I love you” firstGhilli. I see her as being pretty honest with her affections, while Tanwen a) disregards her own feelings a lot and b) doesn’t let herself have nice things. So she’d keep making excuses for herself, things like how she 

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone backgroundBoth! It’d be a picture from one of their first dates, when they had a picnic in the park and braided flowers into each other’s hair it was adorable as hell. They ended up taking lots of pictures from each other and together, and they independently ended up making the same picture of them both together their phone background. 

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirrorBoth, again. Hearts, ‘i love you’s, little compliments. it’s adorable.

Who buys the other cheesy giftsGhilli, though I see her as the type to make gifts rather than buy them. Handmade with love, and all that. Tanwen meanwhile tends to forgets about gifts entirely? She’s not a material person, she pretty much never buys herself nice things so she just forgets it’s a thing people do. 

Who initiated the first kissTanwen, surprisingly. While she was very hesitant about asking Ghilli out, she got more assertive once she knew their feelings were mutual. She tried to make it really romantic, a first kiss modeled after all those romances she’s read about, but it... didn’t really work out. In the end, she treasures the memory even more because it wasn’t following some arbitrary script. It was just them.

Who kisses the other awake in the morningTanwen, given that she’s very much a morning person. She’s annoyingly cheerful at ungodly hours, no one knows how she manages. 

Who starts tickle fightsTanwen. Ghilli is horribly ticklish, and Tanwen loves taking advantage of that to see her laugh. (It’s easy for Ghilli to get her payback though, as Tanwen is also really ticklish)

Who asks who if they can join the other in the showerNo idea honestly

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunchGhilli. If they don’t have time to meet for lunch she’ll pack lunch for Tanwen and add cute notes for her to see when she opens it. Though in the college au they’re doing the same major so they’re in pretty much all their classes together.

Who was nervous and shy on the first dateTanwen!! She was shaking like a damn leaf she was so nervous. Ghilli took good care of her though, and she settled down eventually. 

Who kills/takes out the spidersTanwen always insists on putting the spider safely outside. If they’re on an upper floor she’ll capture it and walk downstairs so she can safely release it. Preferably in some bushes if there are any around, but if there aren’t she’ll put it on the ground in an out of the way spot.

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunkGhilli. She gets very affectionate when drunk, and there’s definitely been if not a love confession at least more than enough pda to make the same point.

[celticrune]

here have another fic title its 'are you willing to try again'

I can now only think of the conversation we had last night, where the Conman ousts Temperance but Chal gets caught in the crossfire and they leave Tergeste together.

The fic would be after they’ve settled elsewhere, when they’ve both had some time to come to term with what happened (which, lbh, Chal would be more emotionally affected by than Temperance cause he actually cared about the Conman). 

They’ve both settled into their personas, their disguises, though they’re themselves in private. They’re both used to living double lives, this is hardly a more challenging role than any they’ve played before. It was Temperance who suggested their personas could be married. She didn’t offer an explanation, nor did she offer any of the dozens other viable connections between them. 

Chal accepted, as she’d thought (hoped) he would. They fell into old patterns easily, casual intimacies they’d abandoned over the years that they picked up again without fuss. Living together was new, but they settled into it with surprising ease. Temperance finds herself looking forward to mornings, when she’ll find Chal freshly out of his trance and frustratingly awake, patting her hair while she groans and buries her face into the pillow until he can coax her out of bed with sweet words and an unfortunately rare smile. 

(and, of course, those mornings where they don’t end up making it out of bed at all, luxuriating in each other and being here, together, with all the time in the world)

Neither of them take inactivity well, but they take it easier here. They’re still laying low, after all, waiting for most of the rumours and excitement to blow over before re-entering the business. They’re far from Tergeste, but they’d still rather not risk discovery. Not when they’ve found a beautiful home, the trees in the garden filtering the sunlight so that even in the summer Chal can sit in the sun-dappled living room without fear of migraines.

In the end, it’s Chal who poses the question, books on surfacer marriage traditions hidden thoroughly hidden away. It surprises them both when Temperance’s eyes shine, her voice breaking slightly as she tells him “Yes”. 

The ceremony is small, just them and a priest, but it’s all they need. Their covers are already married after all, so this is just for them. In public, nothing changes. They’re still the picture of marital domesticity, tempered with proper manners. In private, however, Chal finds far too much enjoyment in calling his wife Temperance Illith’vir and watching how she flushes, the effect so much more pronounced against her pale skin.

She finds her own ways to pay him back, she always does. But if she’s slower with it than usual, if her retribution is rather lacking, well. It’s not as if he will complain. 

[celticrune]

fic title: fragility

an essay on the fragility of the male ego. the main example is Baelun. 

On a more serious note, this actually works well as a title for a wip i have. It’s a Val/Lytte fic, where Lytte punches some dude for making fun of Val and afterwards they take care of her bruised knuckles, gently kissing her hand whenever they think they can get away with it (which is always). It’s a very soft and quiet kind of fic with Val falling ever deeper in love with their wonderful girlfriend because this is Lytte, quiet, gentle Lytte who shuts down during arguments and cries, afterwards, where no one will see her, who just punched some dude over some disparaging comment that nearly sent Val into a panic attack. 

yeah just some cute comfort fluff about how these two are in some ways so very broken but they’re also healing, moving forward. 

[celticrune]

ser once got one of her ear piercings torn out by accident and the wait to get it re-pierced was the LONGEST because she hated it not being symmetrical anymore but, yes, mom, she'll let it heal first calm down

i’m glad she listened to her mom cause ser darling no please be safe

Keiji has a single piercing in his right ear, which he did himself. The senior monks weren’t exactly pleased with him for it (which is exactly why he did it), but they rolled their eyes and let him keep it. He’s not sure why he still wears it, as it’s an often unpleasant reminder of his past, but he can’t quite bring himself to let it heal either.

[celticrune]

all the even nrs for ur dnd chars!!

Under a cut because good lord

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?JayHe doesn’t have any official titles, but he probably ‘title’ likeSlayer of Bandits or Hammer of the Revolution or idk something cheesy like thatin his hometown. Nothing that serious, but he still fucking hates it

MoranaWell, her evil original self is called The Demon Queen, so that’s a thing.

SurinaHer surname, Korath, is a title of sorts. It’s a designation she earned for hercohort, meaning demon in Draconic (or something along thoselines, I don’t remember the exact translation). She got the name by massacringfive fellow recruits in a tournament battle royale (that technically wasn’tsupposed to be fought to the death)

Keijinope

Tanwenno

ValThey’re quite the scourge to the rebellion and the nobility alike, so thereare probably references to the Shadow or something along those lines. A figureof smoke and mirrors, a supernatural assassin who always gets their target. Butno one knows it’s them, so that doesn’t really count. Other than that there’ssmaller (but so much more important) titles like “beloveddaughter”, “precious bird”, and so on. 

TemperanceLady Temperance Abycan of Tergeste is her official title.

Whispernah

Rayanot yet

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’sa good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? JayHe had a pretty normal, happy childhood. He loves his parents, even if they’resomewhat overbearing sometimes. His mother got him his apprenticeship at thelocal blacksmith, which he’s very grateful for, and his father introduced himto his faith even before he became a cleric.

A particularly good memory would be after the battle for hishometown, when he returned to find them both safe and (mostly) healthy.,knowing that he managed to protect them.

MoranaShe doesn’t remember much about her parents, seeing as they died when she wasyoung. She remembers warmth, and love. She remembers the smell of the stews herfather would make, napping close to the heat of the fire, leaned against herfather as he would occasionally tend to the food or the fire. She remembers hermother telling her stories, great tales of history, rich with adventures andtreasure and people at the core of it all.

These are good memories. The worst memory of her childhoodis one she only recently regained through some divine intervention: seeing herparents be forced to summon the devil Mephisto, seeing him kill them, and thenhaving him mark her.

SurinaDragonborn don’t ascribe to the traditional family structures of most other races.Similar to the qunari in Dragon Age, children are raised communally, away fromtheir birth parents. Surina was also raised in such a cohort with otheryounglings her age. She doesn’t remember the people who gave life to her, andshe really doesn’t care.KeijiKeiji was also raised somewhat communally, but that’s because his parentsdied on a mission not too long after he was born. They were part of a monasticorder dedicated to Pelor, and he was raised by them. He wanted to fit in, hereally did, but he was always something of a troublemaker with a casualdisregard for rules, so he didn’t really get along with the headmaster.

Most of his good memories revolve around Rin, anotherapprentice. She was a few years older than him and he saw her as an oldersister (but then the cool kind of older sister, who teaches you how to picklocks and parkour around guard patrols so you can steal the good liquor fromthe head monk’s desk).

TanwenShe loves her parents, even if the relationship got somewhat strained afterher sister died and she had to leave on a vision quest. She always wanted tostay close to home, to take over her family’s farm and find a family, but well.

She spent a lot of time exploring the woods with her youngersister and their dog when she was younger, which were great times. She was bestat treeclimbing, but her sister was faster, and they could sit and talk forhours.

Her worst memory, well. The fights she wasn’t supposed tohear but heard anyway as her parents argued over her path in life (follow theuncertain path of a god’s chosen, or ignore her calling and stay close to home)are pretty high up there.

ValThey don’t remember much of their birth parents, and what they do remember theydo their best to ignore. They still sometimes get nightmares, dreams where theyfeel warm and loved and safe, they’re held close, surrounded by a familiarscent that they can never remember upon waking, but when they do open theireyes they can’t stop crying. It’s an unforgivable sign of weakness, but the feelingof loss and the sense that they’re missing something is toobig to push down.

TemperanceShe’s an orphan, left on the doorstep of a church-run orphanage by a mother whodidn’t want to deal with a demon-touched child, so she doesn’t really havememories of her birth parents. She had a pretty bad relationship with the nunsat the orphanage, until she realised how easy it is to lie and manipulatepeople into doing what you want them to. After that, the nuns’ attitude towardsher improved tremendously.

WhisperWhisper didn’t really get along with her parents, mostly because they wantedher to be someone she’s not. They could be warm and close when they carefullysteered clear of subjects like religion and her plans for the future, but therewere a lot of screaming fights. 

A good memory were the times Whisper and her mother would behome alone and they’d improvise music together. Whisper has a beautiful singingvoice (something the church choir was grateful for) and her mother plays thepiano, so they’d while away long afternoons improvising music together. Hermother tried to teach her how to play the piano, but that… did not go well.

RayaRaya has a pretty goodrelationship with her mothers still, when she’s in the area she’ll always comeby to visit. They were a happy family when she was younger, even if one of hermothers never got over being startled when she accidentally shifted into yetanother dangerous predator.

She bonded a lotwith her other mother over being a druid, and the time they spent together asshe learned how to control her magic is very precious to her still.

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Didthey finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects didthey enjoy? Which did they hate?JayJay never got a formal education cause, well, peasant in a DnD setting. He wasapprenticed to a blacksmith and he liked that a lot, he loves working with hishands and making something tangible, and he seemed to have a gift for workingwith metal. When he turned out to have cleric powers he maybe should’ve,y’know, studied religion and religious history and all that, but also fuckthat. He was never a fan of book learning, and suddenly being able to healpeople with a touch and a few words doesn’t change that.

MoranaShe a nerd. Even as a kid she’d read anything she could get her hands on,though she was especially interested in ancient history. When she was oldenough she went to Wizard College™, where there’d hopefully be more to readthan the rather meagre library of her mountainous clan. There was, and she wasa good student even if she was often more invested in her own research, ratherthan whatever was on the curriculum. She didn’t manage to finish her studies,given how the whole “summon a devil so you can get a first-hand source on theirculture rather than only legends and myths” plan didn’t really go so well.

SurinaShe excelled at military strategy,though she preferred practical combat lessons over most other subjects. In linewith that, she was trained to and became an officer, leading her own squad andon her way to greater things when that plan was sadly derailed.

KeijiHe’s the annoying kid that neverstudies yet still gets decent grades. How?? Not even he knows. He wasn’t reallya fan of most theoretical classes, considering he didn’t care about most ofthem, vastly preferring the practical lessons. One thing he was interested inwas languages, though he kept that fairly quiet (cause showing genuine interestin things is for losers). He studied them on his own time, and he’s fluent inquite a few languages.

TanwenShe tried, she really did, but no one told her that being a cleric wouldinvolve this much sitting down and reading.She hated it from the bottom of her heart, and though that hate has tempered somewhat,being told she has to read something still incites a knee-jerk irritation.

ValThey’re a quiet and conscientious student, a quick learner (it’s one of thefirst things they learned after all, how to not disappoint). They don’t have apreference for subjects, as all knowledge is similarly useful. Quietly though,they are more drawn towards theoretical lessons, where there is no chance oftraining accidents.

Their one weak point is magic lessons, given their wildmagic. Temperance has tried her level best to train it out of them, but she’scome to accept them for who they are, magic misfires and all.

TemperanceShe didn’t go to school, but the nuns taught her and the other girls how tobalance a checkbook, how to sow, how to smile and be polite and pleasant, allskills necessary for securing a husband and running a household. She taughtherself magic from a wizard’s spellbook she found, and she found she excelledat charms and other mental manipulation.

Whisperooooh boy. Her parents wanted her to join the clergy like them, so theygave her a v religion focused education as she grew up. She hated it. She’dsneak out of lessons and assigned study time as often as she could, parkouringaround the city instead. She much preferred studying under Asp to be a ranger.

RayaShe wasn’t really focused on a formal education either. She inherited herdruidic powers from one of her mothers, so she was pretty home-schooled in thatregard. There weren’t many books involved, it was very much a gut-feeling kindathing, which she was grateful for.

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as anadult? Do they like animals? JayHe likes big dogs, though hedidn’t have a pet as a child. He’d like to get a dog, but adventuring is adangerous hobby, so he wants to wait until he has settled down.

MoranaShe was never really a big fan of animals, though she liked birds. She’s gaineda newfound appreciation for wolves though.

SurinaShe’s not a fan of pets, thoughshe likes useful animals, like whatever her country uses as wardogs (probablysome form of insects, knowing Athas).

KeijiThere were no pets at themonastery, and even after he’s never really considered the idea of owning one.His opinion on animals is mostly just ???

Tanwendisney princess. She gets along with any and all animals. Even the onesthat could kill her. Especially the ones that are trying to kill her. She had adog as a kid, and she’d like to have pets again someday when her life is not sodangerous.

ValThey sometimes pet street cats when they’re out on a mission and have somespare time, but that’s the extent of their interactions with animals.

TemperanceShe used to want a cat. She still wants a cat, if only for the aesthetic,but all cats hate her guts. They have good instincts.

WhisperShe loves birds, especially birds of prey. She didn’t have a pet as achild, though she always begged her parents for a bird. She still one day wantsto tame an owl and keep it.

RayaShe sees animals as friends, notpets. She spends a lot of time hanging out in animal form with variouspopulations, but she’d never want to own them.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do theyhave or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as agodparent/babysitter/ect?JayHe’s pretty good with children. Hewants to make a family eventually, but it’s a far off in the future kinda plan.

MoranaShe’s pretty neutral on children.If she were to ever have children she wants to adopt, especially with what shenow knows about Mephisto. Whatever mark he’s left on her, she doesn’t want torisk passing it on.

SurinaShe says she’s alright withchildren. Do not believe her. Her views on child safety are not to be trusted.

Keiji?? why. Get these things away fromhim.

nah he’s not thatoutspoken. He mostly just doesn’t know what to do with children.

TanwenShe loves kids. She fusses a lotover them, but she’s a great older sister, and she’d make a good mom someday.

ValNo opinion. They like taking careof the younger kids at the school, though it’s sometimes hard to see them beingreplaced so often.

TemperanceShe has a place to play-act atbeing a mother, aka the school. That’s really all she needs. She doesn’t want achild for sentimental reasons, and she really only cares about personal power(not setting up a dynasty), so she doesn’t need an heir for that either.

WhisperLargely neutral. She’s Too Cool™for caring anyway so y’know

RayaCubs are cute.

12. What is their favourite food? Jay?? I have no idea I’m sorry

MoranaShe loves stews, mostly becausethey remind her of home.

SurinaSweet baked goods (not that she’dadmit that to anyone)

Keijithe dnd equivalent of junkfood

TanwenFruits, berries, that kinda deal.

ValCookies. They don’t get the chanceto make them very often, but every so often they’ll bake cookies with theyounger children.

TemperanceShe enjoys fancy cuisine just forthe fact that’s it’s expensive and fancy. She likes getting to revel in herstatus.

WhisperHot chocolate. It was a bit morecommon when she still lived with her parents, but after she left with Asp itbecame a very rare treat, which made her enjoy it even more.

Raya?? no idea

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/arestaurant/meal?Jayno??

MoranaI’ve pretty much covered thisalready, but yea. Spending time with her dad as he made stew.

SurinaHer best (and only) friend fromchildhood, Jarrash, became a baker in the city while she joined the military.They couldn’t see each other often anymore as adults, but she treasures thetimes spent together when she did happen to be in the city and she’d go visithis bakery.

Keijinot really

TanwenShe found a little grove with somefruit trees in her time spent in the forest. That was a spot she visited oftenover the years.

ValAlready covered that.

Temperancenothing specific

WhisperToo many to count, most related toAsp and their life together after she became his apprentice.

Rayanot really

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it?Where do they keep it? JayRare metals, crystals/gems, any materials he can find that catch his eye.There’s a reason he’s so fucking buff and it’s because of all the shit he keepsferreting away into his backpack which he then has to carry.

MoranaBooks, mostly for research. She currently keeps them on their sanddasher.

SurinaKills. But no nothing physical,she doesn’t take trophies or anything like that.

KeijiIn the college au, pillows. Hisbed is like 90% pillow it’s a wonder how he even sleeps in it. He doesn’treally collect things in his canon tho. Maybe cities he can’t go back to causewhoops he sure done fucked up there and now he may be kinda wanted

Tanwenthe way it’s going, traumas. Butthat’s not really a voluntary collection on her part.

Valnope

Temperance…do her birds count ascollectibles. I mean in her mind they do so that’s what I’m going with. They’rea treasured collection she’s quite proud of them

WhisperShe sometimes takes trophies from successful hunts. She has a harpy featherfrom the first time she led a hunt, and she’ll probably accumulate a few more duringher adventures. She’d wear them as accessories, or put them on her bow or herarmour maybe.

RayaSeeds from plants she encounters.

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tvshows, films, video games and anything elseJayin a modern au, probably terriblereality tv. In his canon, I’m not really sure.

MoranaHistorical epics. Myths, legends,tales of wars won and lost.

SurinaShe doesn’t really do non-fiction,but she does like swapping stories about old battles around a campfire.

KeijiHe’d deny it, but he has a softspot for cheesy romance. Mostly he’ll read truly terrible romance novels justto make fun of them (and so he can quote them at people and make them cringe),but sometimes he finds a gem he truly enjoys.

TanwenUnironically reads the cheesiestof romances. She’s a romantic at heart, even if her taste in literature israther terrible

ValThey don’t have a lot of leisuretime for reading and the like (other than some required popular works so theywon’t miss any references and stand out), but they like aesthetic performanceart (if that makes sense). There was a ribbon dancing performance in Tergesteat one point and they were entranced. Anything that manages to convey emotionand intent purely through physicality and aesthetics.

Temperancemanuals on how to emotionallyabuse and brainwash young children. she keeps them under her pillow. (nah sheprobably mostly just reads to keep up with popular trends so she knows whateveryone’s talking about) She likes theatre though, she likes peoplewatchingand talking shit about the actors (depending on who she’s with)

WhisperStories about heroes, folk heroeswho make their way from humble beginnings to saving the world, legendaryheroes, anything she can get her hands on.

Rayastories about animals, cause she’sa fucking furry

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do theydo when they’re favourite song comes?(this kinda turned into fave musicgenre whoops sorry. also modern au cause more choice in music)JayHis singing voice is pretty rough,but he’s fond of music, and he’ll always quietly sing along. He’s really goodat lullabies for some reason??

MoranaMusicals are not really her thing,pretty neutral about music as well.

SurinaShe’d work out to like really zenand calming music. No one understands how, but she makes it work.

KeijiHis taste in music is all over theplace man, including things that he’d keep on his phone just for Irony™. It’s aminefield don’t ever give him control over music at a party. Actually somewhatdecent at singing, though he rarely uses it.

TanwenAcoustic piano music, femalevocals, some pop music. She’s not that good at keeping a tune but she has areally sweet and gentle singing voice it’s nice.

ValSymphonic metal and more in thatcorner of genres, the classic emo bands.

TemperanceClassical music, Nicki Minaj,country songs about women killing their husbands. It’s kinda all over theplace. To her eternal shame she can’t sing for shit her voice is absolutelyterrible

WhisperOnly listens to Cool Kid Musiclike punk rock. Has a very hidden secret folder of Taylor Swift songs and thelike that she only listens to on special occasions. She has the voice of anangel, and she used to be in a choir when she was younger, but she doesn’t singoften and really only in private. It’s too much of a reminder.

RayaForest ambientmood always. Alsosome slow music, things that just generally set a peaceful mood. Has an alrightsinging voice, nothing particularly special. She’ll sometimes sing to theplants on her rooftop garden cause she wants them to be happy.

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do theyinsult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?JayHe will bitch endlessly aboutthose prissy nobles in their fancy goddamn castles, haven’t done a hard day’swork in their lives, but he usually keeps that to an inner monologue. He won’tinsult people often, though he has little patience for incompetence in peoplein leadership positions.

MoranaIf she doesn’t like you, you willknow. She doesn’t really have a go to insult, she improvises.  Generally though, if someone’s pissing heroff in conversation she’ll draw back into a very sharp sort of arrogance.

SurinaShe doesn’t lie, but she alsodoesn’t air her opinions, though Sylta has managed to push her buttons morethan a few times. Clanless is something she calls those lawless people outsidedragonborn society, though she usually saves it for when people are beingparticularly dishonourable.

KeijiHe’s very creative. He’ll snark tono end even in casual conversation, but if he really wants to annoy someone hisbarbs get a lot sharper and more pointed.

TanwenShe rarely ever actually insultspeople, mostly cause she’s tried very hard to train herself into not thinkingbadly about people. She’s a bit too honest and blunt sometimes, but that’s notout of malice.

ValThey’ve mastered the backhandedcompliment for when it is appropriate. They almost always keep their opinionsto themself though, and they’ll use whatever insults are appropriate for theircurrent disguise if the situation calls for it.

TemperanceShe mostly bitches about peoplebehind their backs (often to Chal), but she’s also a master of the backhandedcompliment.

WhisperShe tries, she really does,  but her insults are hilariously pathetic. Shedoesn’t do words well under pressure, so she’ll often flap out some reallyunimpressive insult. “Cracked walnut!” is a classic.

RayaShe believes in actions more so than words, but she’s rather blunt with herwords still when she chooses to use them. If she doesn’t just leave thesituation entirely, she’ll just straight up tell the person why she thinksthey’re unpleasant, rather than coming up with some creative insult.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore?What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?JayHe’s actually a fairly heavysleeper, which is not a good habit for an adventurer. Doesn’t snore, and thoughhe prefers soft mattresses he’s pretty used to bedrolls and terrible inns bynow.

MoranaAnswered here

SurinaAnswered here

KeijiAnswered here

TanwenAnswered here

ValAnswered here

TemperanceA light sleeper, with theoccasional nightmare. Her bed is quite comfortable though, a large four-posterwith plenty of pillows on them. Most of them she had Val steal from variousassassination targets. It makes them even more comfortable.

WhisperAnswered here

RayaAnswered here

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing?Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? JayHe doesn’t usually bother with hiding his emotions and he also doesn’t hidehis happiness. He’s still somewhat contained about it, the most you’ll get is asmile and laughter.

MoranaShe doesn’t show a lot of outward signs of happiness but she’ll be morerelaxed, more prone to smiling, more affectionate. Just a bit looser ingeneral.

SurinaShe rarely lets her guard downaround people she doesn’t completely trust, but when she feels safe and happyshe’ll actually smile, she’ll talk more, be more prone to affectionate words.

KeijiHe has no problems broadcastinghis amusement, his exhilarated joy during battle, his glee at managing to fuckover some pompous asshole, but he’ll almost always hide genuine happinessunless he’s around close friends or a significant other. When he’s really happyhe just softens. He’ll get more touchy, drop the snark (mostly), and just bemore honest in general.

TanwenShe’s all smiles, even more so than usual. All The Hugs. Prone to randomdeclarations of affection and just getting really bubbly and excited abouteverything.

Valwhat is happiness. even in aus where they get out they’re still fairlycontained in their happiness, though they’ll actually smile and emote and showthat they’re happy without worrying about how it’ll be perceived.

TemperanceHer being happy is rarely a good thing for anyone. Her happiness most oftencomes when she fucks over someone else, so there’s always a touch of arroganceand smug satisfaction to it. She’ll treat herself by doing some luxuriousself-care routine or the like, or treat herself to a particularly nice bottleof liquor (and drink immediately cause like hell will she let the conman stealthis one) (chal can have it he’s allowed) (not that she’d tell him that)

WhisperShe tries to hide it cause happiness isn’t Cool™ but she’s really easy toread. She’ll light up, she’s all smiles and she can’t stop talking aboutwhatever it is she’s so happy about. Or really, whatever’s caught her interestin that particular moment. It’s adorable.

RayaShe’s a very tactile person ingeneral, but even more so when she’s happy. She’ll sometimes go panther andjust curl up around people and purr. She has something of a rusty purr whenshe’s in her elven form as well, but sometimes she prefers cuddling in animalform.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scaresthem? How do they act when they’re scared?JayOne of his fears is that somethingwill happen to his family in his absence, that they’ll be hurt (or worse,killed) while he’s off on an adventure that he doesn’t really want to be on inthe first place. He goes very quiet when scared, and he tends to distracthimself by getting protective and defensive.

MoranaAnswered here. When scared, she either goes quiet (whenshe’s faced with something so far beyond her she can’t do anything, or anythingshe can’t fight), or she lashes out, albeit physically or with words.

SurinaAnswered here. She isn’t scared often, and even when sheis she’ll often push it down in favour of taking action. She’ll do what needsto be done first, there’s time for fear later, when everyone’s safe.

KeijiAnswered here. He goes pale, his hands start trembling,and he’ll get a little frantic (or very frantic, depending on how scared he is)about trying to get away from the situation. If it’s a situation he can’timmediately get out of he either stops talking or doesn’t stop talking in anattempt to distract himself (and convince everyone he’s totally fine)

TanwenAnswered here. She cries when she’s scared. She’ll havetrouble regulating her breathing as well. She tends to try and surround herselfwith people, or find reassurance in physical touch.

ValAnswered here. As with most emotions, they don’t reallyshow any outward sign of fear.

TemperanceLosing control, feeling powerless.She’s used to being the manipulator, controlling events from the shadows. Shehad plenty of time to feel powerless during her childhood,  and she never wants to return to that. She’dinitially flip towards anger if she gets scared, getting defensive and tryingto get out of the situation. If that doesn’t work, she’d pull out any weapon inher arsenal to get out.

WhisperAnswered here. She gets loud when she’s scared, turningup the rambling and the bluster in an attempt to cover up her fear. In asituation where that isn’t an option she’ll start fidgeting with anything andeverything.

RayaAnswered here. She’ll often revert to animal forms whenscared, prowling around people close to her and rubbing against their legs.Intense emotions like that are easier to deal with when she’s like that, soit’s a common coping tactic for her.

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced?What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?JayHe doesn’t exercise just for thesake of exercising,  but working at theforge is pretty hard work so it has the same effect.

MoranaHer idea of a work-out is holdinga book up over her head when she’s reading in bed.

SurinaShe has a morning work-out routinethat she keeps up. She likes the routine of it, and it’s a reminder of home.

KeijiHe meditates every morning, and Iimagine he also does some pretty regular training. Gotta keep those skillssharp.

TanwenNot really. There are the trainingsessions given to her by Rhogash both when they were still in the Underdark andjust before he left, but that wasn’t a regular thing.

ValThey keep their skills sharp bygoing on missions often, they don’t have a regular exercise routine.

Temperancehell no

WhisperNo exercise routine, but she leadsa pretty active lifestyle in general.

Rayanope

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buyclothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear tosleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?JayPractical. Lots of pockets andpouches to ferret away things he finds. In his canon you’ll most often find himin heavy armour, his glaive close at hand, or in simply but sturdy clothes andlike a heavy apron for when he’s working at the forge. He wears a simple ironcog on a leather band around his neck he made himself, his holy symbol. Hisears are also pierced, with two studs each. He’ll sometimes wear prettierearrings, but given how it’s not very practical he usually saves that for whenhe’s in a situation where he’s sure he’s safe.

MoranaIn modern AUs, she tends to coverup a lot. Long sleeves, turtlenecks, that kinda thing, cause she has prettyintense burns covering most of her body in those. A constant though is thatshe’s fairly simplistic when it comes to fashion, she’s not really a fan ofjewellery and such adornments.

SurinaAlso quite practical. In modern AUsshe’d have that military aesthetic going on (also cause y’know she’d actuallybe in the army). In her canon she sticks mainly to simple but functionalarmour.

KeijiIn canon, something quite similarto Kaecilius from the Doctor Strange movie. Simple black underclothes, with agolden sash/overshirt type thing with Pelor’s symbol embroidered onto it. In amodern au, it could vary wildly. He can pull off a suit no problem (he’s hadplenty of practice), but especially because of that he tends to prefer casuallooks during his day to day. Also never lend him a sweater you won’t get itback. He totally went through a punk phase.

TanwenIn canon, mostly armour. She’dlike to wear pretty dresses sometimes, but she never really has the chance. Heronly jewellery is an amulet with a spider engraved on it, a reminder of when agroup of prisoners got caught in one of her spells and she accidentally killedthem. In a modern au, it’d be skirts and dresses whenever she can get away withit. Light colours, light fabrics, lots of swish. She has more practical outfitsas well for her labs and for when she volunteers at the local hospital, butyea.

ValWhatever is most practical. Theyhave a plethora of disguises at their disposal and outfits for any layer ofsociety. Around the house they default to simple pants and a shirt. They likegoing around barefoot at home, because it’s something they can really only dowhen they’re in a safe space. In a modern au, they have a more punk aesthetic.They don’t leave the house without their leather jacket which is covered inpins (unless Lytte is wearing, in which case they also don’t leave the housebecause they’re Compromised), heavy boots, dramatic make up, chokers.

TemperanceFancy as fuck. Tergeste is aVictorian-styled city, so those kinds of fashions. She tends to wear mostlydark colours, to offset how white everything else about her is. Tasteful makeup, expensive but not garish jewellery, her hair pinned up in the latestfashions. She’ll be somewhat less done up when she’s just around her birds, butthere’s always a level of polish to her appearance. In modern aus she stilloften has her hair in some braided updo, but her clothes are less fancy. Stillhigh-quality and stylish, but y’know more like normal people. She still tends towardsformal clothing more often than not, but it’s more business casual. (is that aterm? I feel like that’s a term)

WhisperWorn and dirty leather armour, adappled grey cloak that’s useful for mountain camo but stands out like a damnbeacon anywhere else. She wears a necklace with an iridescent blue feather anda simple, but lovingly carved wooden symbol of Bahamut over her armour. Noearrings, cause while she wanted to get them she wimped out just before. In amodern au she flips between Edgy™ looks, shirts from metal bands she’s neverbeen to, that kinda thing, and very practical boots, cargo pants, long-sleevedshirt looks for when she’s on trips or out survivaling or whatever she gets upto. She always wears a simple cross necklace, but she keeps it hidden andtucked away under her clothing.

Rayalike, leaves? She doesn’t go intocivilisation often, so really the only reason she remembers to wear anything atall is because armour is practical for when you get into fights with uppitybandits. She likes making flower crowns though, and she’ll often druidcraftflower for whoever she’s traveling with and stick them in their hair or ontheir clothing. She favours feline forms for when she shifts, but idk if thatcounts as a fashion choice. For a modern au, she dresses like a damn hippie.She has very little concern for fashion and other people’s opinions, so any ofher outfits are a damn fashion nightmare. She looks like she got eaten by athrift shop, thrown up, and now she’s wearing whatever clothes happened tostick to her.

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do theylike their body?JayAt like 1,95m he’s pretty tall,and Strong™. Not like built like a bodybuilder cause that isn’t practicalmuscle at all, but yea he has some definition. He’s pretty okay with his body,no particularly positive or negative feelings.

MoranaShe’s also tall, average but solidbuild. She used to be pretty happy with her body, until she first got brandedby Treznor (a mark which she didn’t want the rest to know about, so she had tokeep her upper arm covered up), and then found out that her black skin isbecause she was marked by Mephisto as a child, not a natural thing. She’spretty fucked up about that realisation, and it’s really put her off thecolour.

SurinaTall and broad. She’s p much abrick wall of scales and teeth and scars it’s great fun. Though she canappreciate beauty she’s never seen the point of it for herself. Her body servesher well, and that’s all it needs to do.

Keijipretty and he knows it. He’s shortand slight, about 1,60. He doesn’t seem like much, but he moves with a sort ofpredatory grace, and that’s really not about body type at all well done me. Helikes his body.

TanwenShe could be called willowy if itweren’t for the surprising amount of muscle she’s built up. Adventuring’s hardwork yo. Still, about 1,70 and relatively slim, most of her bulk comes from herarmour. She likes her body, though she doesn’t like how dangerous she looksnowadays, with the muscle and the scars she’s gained. It’s an unpleasantreminder of just how much danger everyone’s in on a daily basis.

ValAverage height, average build,unremarkable facial features. The kind of face you could see in a crowd andthen immediately forget. The one thing that stands out is a scar bisectingtheir left eye, and that eye is a prosthetic of a slightly mismatched colour.Scars on their ankles and wrists from restraints. They don’t have an opinion ontheir body.

TemperanceTall (about 180), and on the curvyside. A damn ghost, with white skin, white hair, and pupil-less white eyes.Pale curling ram’s horns frame her face, and she has a thick, prehensile tailas well as hooves. She’s somewhat regal in the way she carries herself, alwayspoised, always composed. She likes her body, she’s proud of her tieflingfeatures.

WhisperShe’s on the short side, at about155. Surprisingly muscled arms and back, mostly from archery. Despite nothaving a recent growth spurt or being all that tall, she moves like a ganglypuppy. It’s adorable. She’d like to be taller so she could tower over peopleand be intimidating, but that’s the only real gripe she has with her body.

RayaAverage height, lean build. She’s unhappy with her body sometimes, butthat’s mainly because it’s merely elven. She’s so used to her multitude ofshapes and forms that her own body feels rather limited sometimes.

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Canthey sing?JayAnything practical, though weaponand armour smithing is his specialty. It’s his main hobby as well, it’ssomething he spends a lot of time on.

MoranaShe’s pretty good at burningenemies with hellfire? But nah she’s a Nerd™. She likes researching anythingshe can get her hands on in her spare time, or just reading for fun.

Surina what is fun

Keijibeing a sneaky little shit andkicking ass. He’s also pretty good at woodcarving. Nothing large or dramatic,just simple things. He likes carving little birds to keep his hands busy duringlong watches.

Tanwenshe’s got those healing handsbaby. I have no idea what that was and I am so sorry. But yea, her main talentis her gift for healing. She likes reading cheesy romance novels in her sparetime, and she loves hearing people talk about love or romance.

ValThey’re very good at what they do(as they should be, given the amount of time Temperance has invested in them).They don’t really have a lot of spare time for hobbies, though. One thing theyenjoy is watching the stars, and spending time with the younger children in theschool.

TemperanceShe excels at manipulating thosearound her. Her ambitions and her birds are quite a timesink though, so shedoesn’t have a lot of time for hobbies. She does regularly spend time with Chaland The Conman, which usually ends up with her and The Conman sassing eachother while Chal rolls his eyes a lot.

WhisperShe’s a great hunter, she lovesthe process of tracking a beast, sneaking up on it, etc. It’s a fun challenge.It’s pretty much the one situation where she’s actually in her element and notputting up a front.

RayaShe’s quite good at gardening,what with being a druid and all. She doesn’t often settle down for long enoughto make her own garden, but she’d like to. Her main hobby is frolicking inmeadows it’s great fun.

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do theywish they had?JayDetermination, if that makessense? People who have a clear goal for their life and who are working towardsthat. He’s just kinda floating along, taking things as they happen, and thatattitude is something he admires.

MoranaShe admires people who can stillbe soft in this world.  Who can opentheir hearts and be kind regardless of the harshness and danger that’s soprevalent everywhere around them.

SurinaExpertise, no matter the field.

KeijiNormally I’d say honesty, peoplewho can just say what they’re feeling, cause that plays into the whole “peopleadmires things they’re not”. But honestly (heh) those people baffle him morethan he admires them. He just. Doesn’t understand why you’d do that. There’snot really one singular trait he admires in people, though he’s drawn to asharp wit.

TanwenConfidence.  Even if she doesn’t show it, she doubtsherself and her choices a lot. She admires people who can stand behind theirchoices with zero doubt.

ValNothing really? They practicallyworship Temperance, but that’s not really admiration. Yea I don’t think theyreally have any traits they admire, cause that’s a thing people do and they’renot a person.

TemperanceAnother difficult one. I’m gonnahave to go with nothing again, because admiration requires seeing someone as atleast an equal, if not above you. She just doesn’t see people as people.They’re game pieces, pawns to be directed and used. Chal’s the only one exemptfrom that, and though she loves him she doesn’t admire him either. She respectsthe Conman, but again, no admiration.

WhisperShe admires, more as an abstractconcept than anything concrete. She admires people who stand up for the weak,no matter what. People who’re respectful and kind and who’ll keep fighting nomatter what’s standing in their way.

RayaShe doesn’t really interact with other people a whole lot, but when shedoes she’s drawn to those close to nature, those with a love for animals. Thosesimilar to herself really. She’s confused but impressed by people with actualsocial skills. the real cryptids

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Orcan they naturally stay awake and alert?(assuming the college au wherecoffee is actually available)JayNot really, mostly cause they makehis hands v jittery.

MoranaNot a lot usually, but during examweek? Coffee all day every day. How else is she gonna pull those allnighters.Rorik has had to shepherd her to bed on more than one occasion.

SurinaShe doesn’t like having to rely onexternal stimulants to stay awake, so only in extremely rare cases. And thenit’s usually black coffee, nothing too sugary.

KeijiBlack coffee is his mortal enemy,though he has learned how to drink it. Doesn’t mean he likes it though, andwhen he has to stay awake he usually defaults to energy drinks. Consideringthat he’s doing like another half major on the side, this is often.

TanwenShe likes Starbucks, but shedoesn’t drink coffee purely to stay awake. She doesn’t like the taste of coffeeanyway so her Starbucks drinks are sugary monstrosities.

ValThey usually manage to stay alertpretty well on their own, but sometimes you just gotta chug 4 straightespressos.

TemperanceShe prefers tea over coffee, blacktea when she needs a boost.

WhisperShe doesn’t really like the tasteof either, so she makes do without.

RayaShe prefers making her own herbalteas.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrificeanything for? What is their secret ambition?JayHe doesn’t really have any. Whathe really wants is to just return home, inherit his master’s forge, and justwork on his projects in peace.

MoranaFreedom. She wants to be free fromTreznor’s brand, free from Mephisto’s deal constantly looming over her. Shedoesn’t want to be afraid anymore. She’d do quite a lot to get there, and thelines of just how far she’d go are getting increasingly blurry.

SurinaRevenge. She wants to killVethrel, and either clear her name or die during the battle. She’d go pretty damnfar for that, though she’ll avoid collateral damage if she can.

Keiji¯\_(ツ)_/¯ he just wants tohave a good time. Maybe lowkey die, just a little. For now, he just wants tolive the good life and get as far away from his old home as he can manage.

TanwenPeace. She just wants to be ableto stop fighting. To stop being in danger, to stop having to put her friends indanger. But she can’t do that as long as there are innocent civilians beingthreatened.

ValObedience. They want to serveTemperance best they can, to remain useful lest they be discarded. They’ll doanything to make sure that never happens.

TemperancePower. She wants to rule this cityfrom the shadow, to sink her claws into it until she can twist any events inher favour with a word. There are pretty much no limits as to how far she’llgo.

WhisperRecognition. She wants to be afamous hero, to have confirmation that she made the right choice by leaving.She thinks she might do some morally neutral things to get there, but when pushcomes to shove she would choose to protect people over hurting them any time.

RayaShe doesn’t really have any largegoals either. She’s content to live as a nomad, traveling where the wind takesher. She’ll occasionally chase down primal shrines if she catches wind of them,to make sure they are safe and to do what she can to honour and protect them,but it’s not a life goal for her.

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Arethey good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in themost? JayHe’s from a relatively northerntown, so he’s more used to the cold. Somehow, despite being used to working inthe heat, he still hates when the weather gets too hot.

MoranaShe’s actually quite glad theycame to Athas, as the hot desert weather is quite nice for her. She’ll startbundling up as soon as it gets somewhat cold, though she won’t complain aboutit (much).

SurinaSimilar to Morana, she’s quitefond of the dry desert heat. She’s far less fond of the cold of Cruinne-ce, butshe won’t complain about it. she just. steadily puts on more and more layers. Shelikes thunder storms though, as a lightning dragonborn it always makes her feelat ease.

KeijiHe’s impervious to temperature?? Noone understands. He can wear the same thing in basically any weathercircumstance. He’ll cover up more when the temperature nears zero, he’s notthat bad, but yea. it’s weird.

TanwenShe’s from a rather temperatearea, so any shift in temperature throws her off. She tries not to complainabout it (too much) but it does show.

ValIt depends on what they’re doing. Theylike clear skies when they return from missions, so they can see the stars. Anovercast sky and rain is often more useful though, as it limits visibility.

TemperanceShe likes some dramatic rain,especially since 95% of the time she can stay cozy inside while it happens.Temperature-wise, she’s better at dealing with hot weather than the cold, whichis something of a shame as Tergeste tends towards cold and wet.

WhisperShe does well in the cold, thoughif she knows someone well enough she also won’t hesitate to stick her ice coldhands under their shirt. She will complain about the heat, then remember heroesdon’t complain and shut up for a while, get fed up and complain, and repeatthat ad infinitum.

RayaShe loves thunderstorms. She loves feeling the energy crackle in the air, lovesthe displays of natural power. She gets cold easily, but when she does sheusually just shifts into something with a thick furcoat so she doesn’t have todeal.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does theirfirst impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?JayHe makes a pretty good firstimpression, unless you’re a noble. Then he comes off as far more suspiciousthan he usually is.

MoranaShe’s rather cold and distant whenshe first meets people, it takes her a while to warm up to them. Especiallyrecently, with everything that’s going on, she hasn’t really been welcoming tothe new party members.

SurinaHer introductions aren’t usuallyfriendly, but neither is she. So while the first impression isn’t necessarilygood, it’s also not wrong.

KeijiPolite and charming, for mostpeople. A side of snark if he doesn’t immediately need something from you, orif you seem like someone who could give back as good as they get. So yea no reallynot accurate in most cases.

TanwenFriendly and eager, she’s alwaysexcited to meet new people. Her introductions can be a tad awkward at times, asshe tends to forget social protocol, but it’s a pretty accurate reflection ofher.

ValDepends entirely on the target andwho they are at that moment.

TemperanceDepends on who she’s talking toand what she wants from them. Can range from intimidating/scary but hot as hellto a poster girl of good manners and friendly charm.

WhisperAwkward as a rule. She tries to be cool and make a good  first impression, and almost always comes offas “trying too hard”. Which, to be honest, is a pretty good description of herso hey y’know

RayaWell first of all it depends onwhether you’re talking to her in her elven form or one of her animal forms.Uncomfortably long eye contact is a constant though, as is a pretty universallack of tact or manners. She doesn’t come off as unfriendly or hostile,necessarily, just really fuckin’ weird.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do theyorganise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t wantto go but were dragged along by a friend? (again for the college au)JayHe’s alright with parties. Hemostly goes when he knows at least some friends are going, but he’ll enjoyhimself even if it’s all strangers.

Moranano.

Rorik might be ableto drag her along to a party, but she’d be there purely for him.

SurinaNot a fan.

Keijiyes are you kidding me. He, Wyatt,Scytta and Sylta throw the best parties on campus. He’s made some of his bestbad decisions at parties, including the first time he hooked up with Wyatt.

Tanwenawkward bean. What’s she doinghere who invited her. She doesn’t really go to wild parties, but she’ll go withfriends or if Ghilli asks her to. She’ll have the most fun if she sticks withpeople she knows, though she can get by alright on her own for a while.

ValThey don’t really like partieswhere there’s a lot of alcohol present for personal reasons, so they tend toavoid those. They prefer just spending time with friends in a more calmenvironment.

TemperanceNot too big a fan, though she’llturn up occasionally depending on who’s there.

Whispershe tried a few times, when shejust started college. It didn’t go well for anyone involved.

RayaShe prefers more quietenvironments.

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewherewith them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials? JaySome of his tools, general supplies, a weapon. Also more sentimental things,like mementos of his family and friends.

MoranaHer ritualbook, basic survival tools, that kinda thing. Mostly practicalthings. She doesn’t carry around anything of particular sentimental value.

SurinaHer journal, which she startedkeeping back home so it still has notes about her old unit and her time inAthas. Other than that, her general adventurer’s kit.

KeijiHe doesn’t really have anypersonal items he’s particularly attached to, so yea his adventuring kit.

TanwenHer shield and armour both have Eldath’s holy symbol on them and they weregiven to her by a couple who took her in when she was very lost, so she’d definitelywant to keep those close. Also one or two very worn books she carries around withher. Beyond that, her adventuring kit.

ValA basic disguise kit, various different disguises, a few hidden weapons,their lockpicking set, some funds to potentially get them out of a stickysituation. Just things that might come in useful.

TemperanceThat’s a hard one for her, considering she isn’t an adventurer like theothers, and how much she relies on others. Her spellbook is definitely vital. Withthat, she can rebuild basically wherever.

WhisperAsp’s bow, the symbol of Bahamut her parents gave her before she left, theharpy feather from her first hunt. She has an old and worn prayerbook at thebottom of her pack that she’ll take out and thumb through on special occasions.

RayaOther than some basic tools, she’s set as long as she’s in a natural area. She doesn’treally carry any mementos with her, and nature will provide whatever she couldneed to survive.

[celticrune]

random fact: chal dislikes cats for the sole reason that they always seem to like him.

what a loser

When Temperance was young she’d see stray cats around the convent and she’d promise herself that one day she’d get a cat. She would still like it, even if only for the Aesthetic, but cats are a good judge of personality and they all hate her guts

[acommonrose]

this is late but 22 and 32 for ur paladin?

Not too late, I love talking about my idiot child.

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

She’s definitely much more the bitch behind someone’s back type, and even then, she tries to keep stuff to herself unless it comes up naturally or she’s worried that it will actively cause problems for her or the group. That said, she has a super petty side, so when she doesn’t want to deal with someone, she will start actively avoiding them and definitely be a lot more likely to start making snide comments about them if they are forced to talk. The other form of insults that she uses (though not much and probably less often than petty snide comments) is something that recontextualizes someone else’s personality traits (mostly in terms of world view/morality stuff) in a way that she knows they’ll find deeply objectionable. (Gotta love self-righteous paladins.) Like for example, one of Elora’s main character traits is that she believes strongly in the importance of redemption despite growing up as part of a lawkeeping order that focused more on bringing wrongdoers to justice. There’s a party member who she dislikes who 1. doesn’t really believe in forgiveness, and 2. hates the kingdom that Elora’s family is from (for reasons that are somewhat unclear at the moment but probably legitimate from what we do know). One thing Elora’s considered saying to her (but won’t because party unity and I don’t want to torture the DM more) is “You know, that attitude reminds me a lot of my family.”

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

So I think my DM actually has much stronger feelings on this than I do, because she’s definitely thought about fashion and makeup in this world. That said, 99% of the time, she’s wearing her chainmail, which is quite nice (though definitely functional) and emblazoned with the symbols of her order, her king (because oath of crown), and her family. When she’s not wearing that, in this campaign, she’s just worn simple traveler’s clothes, because that’s what she had on her (since she was traveling with her order to scout out locations when she fell into the feywild and consequently joined the party), and her chainmail is sufficiently formal that she didn’t have to “buy” clothes (aka make a deal to kill a rakshasha in exchange for clothes) for the formal fey party we went to. I assume she does have pretty nice clothes at home (where, as far as she’s concerned, she’s not going back for as long as she can possibly help it), since she’s a noblewoman. Her hair is long and brown, probably a little wavy. She keeps it tied back most of the time because that’s more practical, and it’s also not like it’s amazing hair or anything. (She’s supposed to be decidedly average looking.) As for what she wears to sleep, I don’t know how pajamas work in this world? I assume that? Or maybe she keeps her armor on if they’re camping but presumably not if they’re in an inn (especially because the last few times they were at an inn involved her hooking up with a party member, so probably just sleeping naked there). Similarly with makeup, definitely not on a daily basis, but I don’t know if makeup is common enough where she came from that she would have worn it for formal occasions.

[dvddggs]

To the Four of Us (Part Twenty Nine)

premise: modern AU chronicling the squad as they make their way through college and deal with general life things. words: 2,213 warnings: nothing besides some swears all chapters: x tags: @heythereitsloey @anitheunicorn @newyorkyoucanbeanew @lafbagxette @justafangirlwithanavy @iamgrayfox @ordinaryornate @schuylerjoon @georgewashingsin @trashyperson101 @crazydragon15 @but-if-you-had-to-choose @geespilots @marvelous-hamilfan @mynameisalexanderhammyham @panda-powers @lafeyettegunsandships @schokoobananaa @aphboi @hell-yes-puns-and-ships @aham-threw-his-shot-away @hesitantcat @nonstopspook @hamrevolution @alexander-did-you-know @spitaverse-burr @angelizaandpeggy @isis278 @idk-destiel @engulfedinstars @hamiltrashuniverse @ahrupe @just-me-an-asshole @readfizz @skeletonmelodies @gum-and-chips @iminwaytoomanyfandoms @hadleyelizabethuley @fictionalboyfriends @ridiculousn3ssfangirl @pleuxvoir @liallow @kanadianwithashippingproblem @bucket-of-kittens @welcometohamilton @forth-schuyler-sister @fanwaffles @ariadne1004 @inspacewmorty @marshmallow-satan @anbu1997 @sinmineral @esmeraldablazingsky @fictonalboyfriends @i-am-forever--bored @imdiggingdaveed a/n: chapter 30 is the epilogue, so this is the last actual chapter of ttfou and i teared up when i wrote the last line dedication: every single person who’s ever liked, reblogged, or sent me a message about TTFOU. I am so lucky and so touched that so many people have enjoyed my story. It’s truly been a pleasure writing this and I can’t wait for you all to see what the boys get up to in the future (so stay tuned for the epilogue)!!! but for now, I hope you enjoy the end of TTFOU. Please let me know what you think. Again, thank you all so, so much. <3

The weather was unseasonably warm for early March.

The intoxicating smell of spring was in the air and everyone on campus was in a weirdly good mood despite being in the midst of midterm season.

Ignoring Alexander’s warning that it was going to get cold again, John had dug down to the bottom of his drawer for the three pairs of shorts he'd packed from home, and was now rotating through them day by day. Every morning on their walk to breakfast, his entire body would be shivering so hard that his teeth would chatter, but he still refused to admit that he was cold. By midday, however, the sun beaming down and warming the air was enough to convince Alexander, Lafayette, and Hercules that John may have been onto something.

“Just admit it,” John said. The four of them were walking aimlessly around campus one Saturday to avoid studying. “You wish you were wearing shorts.”

The other three rolled their eyes, though they were all smiling.

“John.” Lafayette tugged his roommate’s ponytail, making him stop in his tracks and turn around. “You will never, ever catch me wearing shorts. Nothing about these legs looks good in shorts.”

John snickered as Hercules took Lafayette’s hand in his and muttered, “I bet this ass looks nice in shorts, though.”

“OH MY GOD, YOU’RE BOTH DISGUSTING, SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

John and Alexander’s simultaneous screech made their friends crack up. No matter how long Herc and Laf were together, they were pretty sure that John and Alex would never get used to it.

“I literally want to throw up,” Alexander muttered bitterly, taking John’s hand and speeding ahead of the group.

Lafayette rolled his eyes, reaching upward to peck Hercules on the lips.

“Our friends are five years old,” Hercules remarked as he threw an arm around Laf’s shoulders happily.

John and Laf’s room was almost always unoccupied these days. Ever since John last saw his mom, he’d been quite opposed to going out and partying so the guys had made it a nightly tradition to gather on Alexander’s bed and watch movies, do homework, or hang out. Almost every night, the four of them passed out there—a messy pile of limbs—even though the bed was hardly big enough for Alexander alone. By the middle of the night, Herc would usually have been pushed onto the floor, after which he’d adjust his friends’ blankets, pick up Laf, who would yawn and sleepily kiss his neck, and they would return to his own bed for the rest of the night.

John still had nightmares every once in awhile. It was always the same one—the car crash. Despite his efforts to not wake Alexander with his heavy breathing, he always jumped up and pulled John into a tight hug, stroking his hair until he felt his heart rate return to normal.

They had decided, based on Laf’s advice, that they needed to communicate better which was why, one afternoon, John entered Alexander’s room to find him searching through his suitcase.

“I can’t find it,” he murmured frantically. “Where is it? Where the fuck is it? Oh god—”

“Are you okay, Lex?” John tapped him on the shoulder. “What are you looking for?”

Alexander didn’t avert his attention from the depths of his suitcase. He shook his head vaguely and continued to mutter. John stepped back in surprise as Alex began rifling through the pockets of his pants then tossing them over his shoulder.

“FUCK!”

“Alexander! What—are—you—looking—for?!” John tapped him gently on the head between each word.

“Trying to…communicate—with you—fuck—John where’s my phone? I need—call my dad…John!”

Before Alexander had finished his broken phrase, John had already pulled out his phone and was dialling Alexander’s father’s number, which he’d saved during the winter break.

“John? Is everything okay? Did Alex break his jaw again?”

Despite being worried about Alexander’s odd behaviour, John couldn’t help but laugh.

“No, sir. I just have a question for you.” He looked down at Alexander, who was now crawling across the floor to double-check his pockets. “Is there something Lex could be looking for? Like, something small that could fit in his pocket? I think your son is broken.”

Realizing who John was talking to, Alexander stood up, snatched the phone, and began speaking rapidly.

“Dad—have you seen my note? I wanted to show John but now I can’t find it and I’m scared it fell out of my pocket or got lost during the flight or something, I need it, is it at home? Can you look for it? Seriously, Dad, I need it.”

His voice broke before his father’s booming voice cut through the phone speaker. John furrowed his brow in confusion—he had no idea what was going on.

“Alexander,” George said firmly. “Breathe. I noticed that you forgot it when you were packing, so I packed it for you. It’s folded in the first page of your passport.”

John could see the relief flooding Alexander’s face as he unlocked the safe under his desk and pulled out a small piece of paper.

“Thank you,” Alexander whispered. “I love you, Dad.”

“I love ya too, kiddo. Talk to you later.”

Alexander hung up the phone and handed it back to John with an apologetic smile.

“What the hell was that all about? All for that—what is it?—a napkin?”

Wordlessly, Alexander extended his hand and gave the note to John. He turned it over gently in his fingers, meeting Alexander’s gaze. He could tell that it was old—the paper was soft and worn down with ripped edges, and it was somewhat discoloured.

Carefully, as if he was afraid of ripping it, John unfolded the note and saw five simple words scribbled in red crayon.

I love you, Lexie. - Mom

The penmanship was shaky and over time the crayon wax had faded so that it was barely legible. The napkin had been folded and unfolded so many times over the years that it had begun tearing at the folds.

“From your mom,” John whispered.

Alexander nodded, smiling sadly.

“It’s all I’ve got left of her.” He took the note from John’s hands and gazed at it lovingly. “Thought it was gone. I’m trying to take Laf’s advice. Y’know, communication and all that jazz.”

Alexander’s behaviour suddenly made sense to John and he felt bad for thinking he was acting erratically.

“She would have liked you,” Alexander continued, folding the note back up and tucking it in the pocket of his jeans. “She would have approved.”

John chuckled, wrapping an arm tightly around Alexander’s shoulders. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Alexander murmured.

The rest of the year seemed to fly by. Before any of the guys could believe it, it was exam season, which no one besides Alexander was particularly concerned with.

Despite John’s countless requests-turned-begging for Alexander to take a break, Alex refused to let up until his exams finished. John, on the other hand, was thinking only of where he could go during the summer.

Now that the end of the semester was looming closer and closer every day, the realization that he was essentially homeless began to dawn on him. Sure, he had his father’s house, but it was the last place that he wanted to be by himself. The dented walls and fridge filled with beer was going to be a dim reminder of the year he’d had.

Once Alexander’s exams finished, his focus shifted back to his friends, but he couldn’t figure out why John had been distant. A week earlier he hadn’t cared about anything but spending time with Alex. Now that he was free, however, John had all but fallen off the face of the earth. They still texted regularly, but the only time they hung out was during meals and in the evening with Hercules and Lafayette.

“You, my friend, are still shit at communicating,” Laf deadpanned one day after one of Alexander’s venting sessions. “Despite what I fear are your best efforts.”

John had been locked in his room studying all day, something he usually preferred to do in a group. (It was easier to procrastinate that way).

“What do you mean?”

“Dude.” Hercules smacked Alexander on the arm. “Don’t be stupid. He’s waiting for you to invite him to stay with you for the summer. Well, I dunno if he’s waiting for that specifically, but he needs to hear something. He obviously has no idea where he’s gonna go, and he only has a week to figure it out. That’s probably what he’s been doing all week.”

“Oui. Last night I heard him talking to his brother on the phone. He was asking if he could stay with him for awhile.”

Alexander’s mouth fell open. “That’s what he’s worried about?”

Lafayette nodded smugly, not bothering to hide his dramatic eye-roll.

“He has nowhere to go, Alex,” he said as Alexander pulled out his phone.

Alex: John.

Alex: John.

Alex: JOHN!!!

John: john can’t talk right now. he’s studying. leave a message.

Alex: Ugh you’re so annoying. can i come down to your room? Study break.

John: fine. five minutes, but you owe me.

John: if you know what i mean

Alex: you horny bastard.

Alexander shoved his phone in his pocket and slipped his shoes on. He took the stairs down to John’s floor two at a time, jumping at the prospect of having something to do. His father wasn’t picking him up until the end of the week and without schoolwork to keep him busy, Alexander was mind-numbingly bored all the time.

“John!!” Alexander burst into his boyfriend’s room grinning ear to ear. He threw his hands in the air in greeting.

John couldn’t help but smile at the grand entrance. He shut the textbook that was on his desk and spun around in his chair to face Alexander.

“What’s up?”

“Why didn’t you tell me what was wrong?!” John raised an eyebrow in confusion. “About this summer!”

“Lex, I have no idea what you’re—”

“Of course you’re coming to stay with me! I thought it was a given—that’s why I didn't say anything!”

The confusion on John’s face turned to relief mingled with elation at the thought of spending every night in that comfortable bed with Alexander. His grin mirrored his boyfriend’s as he jumped out of his chair excitedly.

“Really?!” he asked.

“My dearest Laurens,” Alexander replied, closing his eyes dramatically. “You are mine for the next four months. And there is nothing—I repeat, nothing—you can do about it.”

It was settled. At the end of the week, Alexander, John, Hercules, and Lafayette were sitting on the curb, watching as George pulled up in the old car. He rolled down the window and waved at them all.

“Well—” Alexander began. He and John turned to face their two best friends in the entire world, who were smiling down at them.

“Y’all’re still coming down in August, right?” John smacked himself in the forehead at the subconscious use of his southern slang. “Fuck. It’s already starting. Fuck. Just seeing your dad makes my accent come out. By the end of summer I’m going to be a cowboy. Fuck.”

Everyone laughed as John huffed and lifted his suitcase to shove in the trunk.

“When Laf comes back to New York we’re going to drive down,” Hercules reassured Alex. “I’m gonna miss you, Lex.”

Alexander smiled, thinking about the loud, rowdy roommate named after the demigod who he met at the beginning of the year.

“It’s gonna be weird not waking you up at eight AM on Monday mornings,” Alexander grinned.

Nodding in agreement, Hercules pulled him into a tight hug.

“Oh my god,” Laf screeched. “Stop it! You’re going to make me cry. I love you, Alex. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go keep with tradition and smooch my John goodbye.”

Alex and Herc watched as Lafayette grabbed John by the shoulders and spun him around, smashing their lips together. John’s eyes flung wide open in surprise, and they watched his brow furrow in horror as he realized what was going on.

From where they stood, John spluttered silently as Laf smiled contently and hugged his roommate tightly. Finally, John chuckled and wrapped his arms around Laf in return.

“They’re so ridiculous,” Herc murmured, Alexander nodding in agreement.

“You guys ready to go?” George asked, stepping out of the car to hug Alexander hello.

Alexander and John nodded, waving goodbye to their friends one more time and climbing into the car.

“Have a safe flight home, Laf!” John called out the window.

“Goodbye, my loves! Until we meet again!” they heard Laf yell back.

Leaning back against the seat, John sighed and rolled his window up. He closed his eyes and let the sound of Alexander and his father quietly discussing exams lull him into a dreamless and peaceful sleep.

He’d made it.

Somehow, he’d made it through both the best and worst year of his life.

He could see the light at the end of the tunnel, and that light was the fluffy pillows on Alexander’s bed.

He was going home.

[dvddggs]

To the Four of Us (Part Twenty Eight)

premise: modern AU chronicling the squad as they make their way through college and deal with general life things. words: 2,723 warnings: mentions of drug use, mentions of death, swearing all chapters: x tags: @heythereitsloey @anitheunicorn @newyorkyoucanbeanew @lafbagxette @justafangirlwithanavy @iamgrayfox @ordinaryornate @schuylerjoon @georgewashingsin @trashyperson101 @crazydragon15 @but-if-you-had-to-choose @geespilots @marvelous-hamilfan @mynameisalexanderhammyham @panda-powers @lafeyettegunsandships @schokoobananaa @aphboi @hell-yes-puns-and-ships @aham-threw-his-shot-away @hesitantcat @nonstopspook @hamrevolution @alexander-did-you-know @spitaverse-burr @angelizaandpeggy @isis278 @idk-destiel @engulfedinstars @hamiltrashuniverse @ahrupe @just-me-an-asshole @readfizz @skeletonmelodies @gum-and-chips @iminwaytoomanyfandoms @hadleyelizabethuley @fictionalboyfriends @ridiculousn3ssfangirl @pleuxvoir @liallow @kanadianwithashippingproblem @bucket-of-kittens @welcometohamilton @forth-schuyler-sister @fanwaffles @ariadne1004 @inspacewmorty @marshmallow-satan @anbu1997 @sinmineral​ @esmeraldablazingsky​ @fictonalboyfriends @i-am-forever--bored @imdiggingdaveed

*pls read!!!!!* a/n: ok so some of you may have missed The Discourse™ last night but TTFOU will be ending on chapter 30 (aka there are two more chapters after tonight, chapter 30 being the epilogue). I feel like it’s run its course and I don’t want to continue it just for the sake of continuing it so I’m at a good place to write the ending and I’m happy with it :-))))) ok pls enjoy !!!! BYE

Hercules and Lafayette sat across the dining hall from Alexander and John, who were talking loudly and laughing at something one of them said. They waved their friends over, but Herc and Laf just smiled and stayed where they were.

“They need to talk,” Hercules muttered.

Lafayette was beaming across the room, revelling in their laughter.

“Why?” he asked through a grin. “Look at how happy they finally are! Let them be, Herc.”

“It won’t last.” Hercules couldn't help but be skeptical. Alexander and John had gotten back together the previous night and neither he nor Lafayette had any idea what’d changed between them. “They need to deal with their shit.”

“Or,” Lafayette sang, taking a bite of his potato. “They could leave their shit in the past and move on. Like they clearly have.”

“Laf.” Hercules turned to his boyfriend and stared him dead in the eye. “You remember what happened at the funeral. There’s no way they both just got over that. Like I said. They. Need. To. Talk.”

Lafayette rolled his eyes and looked at Hercules. “Let them live.”

They scoffed at each other and turned back to watch Alexander and John, who were now holding hands across the pizza they were sharing. Behind them, the massive glass wall revealed a beautiful sunset. The scene almost looked like a movie, but Hercules was afraid they wouldn’t have their happy ending if things continued like they were.

“Are you sure you’re okay, John?” Alexander bit his lip. He didn’t want to force John to talk about the previous day but he needed to be sure.

“I’m fine, Lex,” John replied reassuringly. “I told you: if my mother showing up did anything, it’s that it made me realize what’s important. You. I don’t need her.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Hercules interrupted, spinning a chair around and joining Alexander and John at their table. Lafayette dragged behind him, looking unimpressed at his boyfriend’s actions, but no one seemed to notice his sour expression.

“Nothing,” John said quickly. “Just—about what happened yesterday. With my mom.”

“You know what else you could talk about—ouch, Laf!” Lafayette cut Hercules off by punching him in the thigh.]Alexander rolled his eyes and stood up to empty his tray. “Hercules Mulligan. We are just fine, okay? It’s all sorted out. We’ve moved on.”

Together again at last, the friends returned to John and Lafayette’s room—a familiar and comforting setting—and assumed their usual positions: John and Alexander on Lafayette’s bed, Hercules sitting on the tidy desk, and Lafayette cross-legged on the floor.

Hercules reached under him to the mini fridge and pulled four beers, handing one to each of his friends and opening the last can for himself. Despite his reserves about the sudden make-up, he couldn’t help but feel full and content—it had been so long since they’d all been where they were.

“So, can you finally tell us what the fuck happened yesterday?” Lafayette prompted.

He and Hercules had gotten a quick update the night before over the scarcely-updated group chat, but they’d been desperate for details through their classes all day.

John sighed and Alexander laid a comforting hand on his knee.

“Okay.” After opening his beer and taking a long drink, John began. “When I was a kid, my parents fought a lot. I was really young so I didn’t know what it was about, but my dad was always the good parent. My mom was unpredictable, moody—you know, all that shit.”

Everyone nodded, so John continued.

“So, eventually, my mom stopped coming home some nights. At first, it was just once in awhile. Y’know, maybe one night a week, and she’d just say she got held up at work and stayed at a friend’s house. When it became more frequent, my dad started to think it was an affair. And it was, but it was more than that. Finally, one day, she just…did’t come home. And I never saw her again. Until yesterday.”

“Holy shit,” Hercules whispered. John nodded. Holy shit, indeed.

“Yeah. So, she shows up and tells me she’s been looking for me, she heard about my dad, and that she left because she was on drugs. A lot of drugs. She’s been clean for a year, but guess what? She’s using again and her solution was to come find her youngest son and ask him for help. Isn’t that fantastic?”

John smiled humourlessly when he finished speaking. Nobody else said anything.

“So, yeah. Herc, I can tell you’re not impressed with me and Lex right now, and I get why, but it made me realize how trivial our problems were—I mean, we both fucked up, we both realize it, and we’re both sorry. Why make it more complicated than that? I can’t take any more complicated in my life. Okay?”

Hercules was speechless, but Lafayette high-fived John victoriously.

“Take that, bitch!” Lafayette stuck his tongue out at Hercules, who rolled his eyes and chuckled quietly.

“What are you going to do?” Alexander asked, squeezing John’s hand.

“No idea.” John shrugged. “She knows where I fucking live now though, so I’m pretty sure she’s going to come back. I don’t want anything to do with her.”

“But she’s your mom,” Alexander pointed out softly thinking, once again, only of his own mother.

John bit his lip. He hadn’t realized how insensitive he’d sounded. In Alexander’s eyes, John was presented with an opportunity to get to know his mother, to spend time with her, to reconnect: something Alexander would never get the chance to do.

“Lex,” John sighed. “She walked out on me when I was a kid. She abandoned my family and left us with my father, who was incapable of taking care of a fish, much less multiple children. I know you’d give anything to see your mom again…but this is different.”

Alexander nodded, locking eyes with John. “I know,” he said quietly. “I get it. Don't worry, you don’t need to feel bad, okay?”

John leaned over and kissed Alexander on the cheek, both of them pointedly ignoring the ridiculously large smile dominating Lafayette’s face.

“Oh, I’m so happy!” he squealed, getting off the floor to seat himself between John and Alexander. Lafayette put an arm around each of them and kissed them both on the cheek while Hercules rolled his eyes, though Alexander could see the ghost of a smile grace his lips.

Over the next few weeks, everything started to go back to normal. The routine of class became first-nature once again, and the boys all got along, aside from the odd bickering match.

It didn’t take John long to push his mother's random appearance to the back of his mind because the new semester was keeping him so busy. Though it was in the back of his mind, it seemed like a nonissue for the time being so he let the thought slip away.

“Guess what, Alex?” John declared one night, barging into his boyfriend’s dorm room.

Alexander, who was lying on his bed, looked up from his phone and raised his eyebrows.

“I have had a revelation.” John slammed the door shut behind him and spun Alexander’s desk chair around before plopping down on it with his feet on the edge of the bed. “I am an orphan. And I am perfectly fine with it.”

Laughing, Alexander reached out and patted John’s leg. “That makes two of us. We’ve got a lot of collective issues, huh?”

John nodded proudly; bonding over mutual life problems with his boyfriend was one of his favourite pass-times.

“What the hell am I, chopped liver?”

John scrunched his eyebrows in confusion at the disembodied voice coming through Alexander’s phone. Alex laughed and diverted his attention to his father, who he was FaceTiming.

“I’m a biological orphan, Dad,” Alexander chuckled lightheartedly, though John could tell that he felt bad for making his comment.

After reassuring Alexander that he was only joking, George said hi to John and shot his son a knowing look. Just before John had burst into the room, he and Alexander were discussing how happy George was that they were back together.

“Alex told me about your mom, John,” George said to John. “Just for the record, I think it’s perfectly fine if you want nothing to do with her.”

“Thanks.” John aimed a small smile in the direction of Alexander’s phone. It was reassuring to know that he wasn’t overreacting.

“Do you think she’s gonna come back?” Alexander asked.

“Dunno.” John shrugged, gazing out the window at the sun which was setting below the horizon. “And even if she does, there’s not a whole lot I can do, is there? It’s not like I have money or anything…”

Just…be careful. You never know what could happen.”

They chatted easily for another few minutes before George declared that he had to go and finish some work, so they said goodbye and hung up.

“I miss your dad,” John sighed, leaning his head on Alexander’s shoulder.

“He misses you too.” Alexander chuckled. “You’re all he goddamn talks about. Like, ever. Ooh, how’s John? What have you and John been up to? How are John’s classes? Is he enjoying them? Is he making friends?”

Though John laughed at Alexander’s eerily accurate impression of his father, he felt his cheeks grow warm. It was nice to know that he was cared about—that even though he was a self-declared orphan, there was an adult out there looking out for him.

The pain of losing his father subsided as the semester wore on, as John knew it would, though he was frequently visited by dreams that let him relive his childhood and the terrible memories that went with it. Unlike the real memories, however, his mother frequented his dreams, often grinning at John as her teeth fell out, bouncing off her bottom lip and clacking against the kitchen floor, or looking up at him from the kitchen table, some sort of blunt hanging from her pale, dry lips.

More than once, John had jumped awake in a cold sweat after a particularly vivid dream in which he was again five years old. If Alexander was with him, he’d wake up from his light sleep and whisper comforting words until John’s breathing went back to normal and another wave of sleepiness overtook him. Often, Alexander’s words were littered with whispered apologies and pleas for forgiveness because of everything that had happened what seemed like a lifetime ago.

“It’s not your fault,” John would mumble into the darkness.

“I’m still sorry, John,” Alexander would reply. “I will always be sorry for the things I said and the way I treated you. Your dreams remind me of how sorry I am.”

And then John would murmur a soft, “I love you,” before sighing and submitting to the comfort of Alexander’s strong arms where he would fall asleep once again.

Overall, everything was fairly good again. John felt like his world had stopped spinning out of control for once. His friends grounded him and let him find the stability he had been seeking for so long.

Aside from his dreams, which he could leave behind once the sun rose, he had made peace with his mother’s random visit and had accepted that he never needed to know her.

Until Wednesday, February 22, 2017.

When she came back.

It was a regular Wednesday: Alexander was in a grumpy mood and everyone had a long day of classes except John, who had Wednesdays off. He had just gotten downstairs to get some breakfast when he saw that same familiar-yet-unfamiliar face from weeks ago watching him. This time, however, it was not smiling.

Before John could think of a rational move he made a beeline for the door and sped through the brisk outside air to get as far away from her as possible. Before long, however, he could hear her footsteps gaining on him so he stopped to avoid looking like he was being attacked.

“What the fuck do you want from me?” John spat before he could stop himself.

His mother looked slightly taken aback, but if anything her expression grew harder. She studied his face for a moment before taking another step towards him and putting her hands on her hips as if she were scolding a toddler.

“Why didn’t you come with me?”

It was John’s turn to be taken aback.

“I—what?”

“When I left. Why didn’t you come with me? I’m your mother.”

If John had any trace of sympathy left in his system it was gone in that instant. He felt suddenly overcome with an almost irrational rage directed at her.

His mother, who had the audacity to seek him out after years of pretending he didn’t exist. She, who abandoned him as a child and left him to fend for himself in a loveless household for as long as he could remember. She, who dared to show up and ask why he didn’t choose her.

“You just told me you've been on fucking drugs for the literal entirety of my life,” John hissed, looking straight into his mother’s dead eyes. “How could you possibly ask me that? I was, like, five years old. How was I supposed to make a choice like that? Hmm, alcoholic father? Druggie mother? That’s a real toughie, wouldn’t ya say? Oh, and did you forget? You left in the middle of the night without telling a single one of us! You completely abandoned us and now, here you are, for some fucking reason, asking me why I didn’t go with you.”

“Did you ever wonder about me?” She spoke in a whisper now; John suspected that this was not going as she had planned.

“Of course I wondered about you,” John cried. “I wondered why all the other kids in school got to go home to their moms, why they always had after-school snacks and love notes in their lunches. My lunches were half a sandwich usually. Dad took the other half. Almost every night I sat in my bed and wondered why the fuck you left me, why I wasn't good enough, what you found that was better than me. It made me hate myself. I thought it was my fault.”

“John--”

“I’m not done. If you came here to make peace or to get closure or something, I’m not fucking having it. My damn shitty life? That started with you, and I hope you take that with you to your fucking grave.”



He had no idea where his words were coming from. In fact, he didn’t even know he was feeling the things he was saying until it tumbled out of his mouth. When he finished speaking, he looked at his mother, whose expression was that of a person who had just been beaten up by someone they loved—and that was kind of true.

“I don’t need you in my life,” he continued, though his voice was softer. “I don’t want you in my life. If you need, like, money or something I don’t have any, so you can just leave. Again.”

John turned around to walk back to his dorm when frail fingers wrapped themselves around his wrist desperately.

“I love you,” his mother whispered hoarsely. If it had been a windy day, John wouldn’t have heard it.

Her words combined with the touch made goosebumps burst out all over John’s body. This was the closest thing he would ever have to a memory of his mother—her bony fingers instead of a warm hug, a hoarse and smoke-roughened voice instead of a clear and comforting one. John swallowed the small lump forming in his throat and pulled his hand free. He turned around and looked at her, frail, thin, and shivering in her hoodie and jeans.

In a moment of melancholy, John unzipped his coat, pulled it off his shoulders, and handed it to her without a word. He avoided her eyes as she took it and cradled it in her arms as if it were a child. He didn’t look up again as he walked back into his building.

He felt strangely at peace.

[dvddggs]

To the Four of Us (Part Twenty Seven)

premise: modern AU chronicling the squad as they make their way through college and deal with general life things. words: 2,139 warnings: drug mentions, swearing all chapters: x tags: @heythereitsloey @anitheunicorn @newyorkyoucanbeanew @lafbagxette @justafangirlwithanavy @iamgrayfox @ordinaryornate @schuylerjoon @georgewashingsin @trashyperson101 @crazydragon15 @but-if-you-had-to-choose @geespilots @marvelous-hamilfan @mynameisalexanderhammyham @panda-powers @and-maria @lafeyettegunsandships @schokoobananaa @allthegoodurlshavebeentaken @aphboi @hell-yes-puns-and-ships @aham-threw-his-shot-away @hesitantcat @nonstopspook @hamrevolution @alexander-did-you-know @allthegoodurlshavebeentaken @spitaverse-burr @angelizaandpeggy @isis278 @idk-destiel @engulfedinstars @hamiltrashuniverse @ahrupe @just-me-an-asshole @readfizz @skeletonmelodies @gum-and-chips @iminwaytoomanyfandoms @hadleyelizabethuley @fictionalboyfriends @ridiculousn3ssfangirl @pleuxvoir @liallow @kanadianwithashippingproblem @bucket-of-kittens @welcometohamilton @forth-schuyler-sister @fanwaffles @ariadne1004 @inspacewmorty @marshmallow-satan @anbu1997 @sinmineral a/n: LETS HECKIN GOOOOOOO BUD

Alexander knew he fucked up. It was ten o’clock on a Monday morning and he was laying in his bed watching his ex-boyfriend get dressed to make the walk of shame back across campus.

He and Thomas didn’t speak after, which made the quiet sound of the TV floating over from Hercules’ room all the more awkward. Alexander focused on the extremely un-endearing noise of Michael Scott while Thomas hastily did up his belt.

“Okay—um—bye,” Thomas mumbled, pulling on his jacket and yanking at the doorknob simultaneously.

“See ya,” Alexander replied lamely, huffing and rolling onto his back to stare at the ceiling.

Immediately after the door clicked shut behind him, the door connecting Alexander’s room to Hercules’ opened and his two friends popped out holding hands.

“What the fuck, dude?” Hercules deadpanned.

Alexander, who was still wearing only boxers, stood up and put his hands on his hips.

“John did it first,” he shrugged.

“If John jumped off a cliff first, would you?” Lafayette scolded, sounding eerily like his father.

Alexander almost laughed, instead rolling his eyes and turning to pull a hoodie over his head.

“This isn’t going to solve anything, Alex,” Hercules said seriously, moving toward his friend. “It’s not going to fix things.”

“And what if I don’t want it to?” Alexander said, agitated. “What if this isn’t about fixing things? John obviously doesn’t want to…why should I?”

Lafayette sighed, sitting down on Alexander’s bed and looking up at him.

“Alex,” he said. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want to fix this. I’m not saying it was all your fault, but don’t tell me that you’re over it. Because I know you’re not, and I know he’s not.”

“Exactly,” Hercules interjected. “It was a stupid mistake. You both acted badly, but you guys need to fix this. Getting revenge on each other—and do not try to tell me that’s not why Thomas was here—isn’t the solution. You’re just going to end up resenting each other.”

“Besides,” Lafayette muttered, suppressing a smile, “I’m pretty sure your dad already has the wedding planned. Have you seen the way he watches you two together? Mon dieu.”

Hercules laughed and even Alexander cracked a smile. He sighed, looking up at the ceiling. Part of him knew that his friends were right, and he didn’t want to fight with John anymore. He wanted to be with him, to be happy, like they were at Christmas. He wanted to be there for John, and he wanted John to be there for him.

“Are you okay?” Hercules asked.

Alexander nodded vaguely and pulled on a pair of jeans.

“I have class,” he mumbled, not wanting to talk about John anymore.

When he swung his door open, however, John was standing there with his fist in the air as if he was about to knock. His mouth was slightly open and his eyes were wide. Alexander watched the colour physically drain from John’s face as he stared at him.

“Um—” Alexander began.

He heard Hercules and Lafayette scurry back into the other room and shut the door behind them, though he was sure they both had their ears pressed to it.

It took John another minute to speak.

“Hi,” he said awkwardly.

Alexander didn’t reply.

“How’s—uh—how’s your jaw? Um…it must be nice to have those wires off. Right—well, uh—can I come in?”
 Stepping aside to let John inside, he closed the door behind him and folded his arms across his chest.

“I, uh,” John began, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. Alexander watched his bicep flex as he did it. Normally, Alexander would have made some ridiculous comment about John’s arms, and it was halfway off his tongue when he stopped himself. He couldn’t do that anymore. “I’m sorry.”

Alexander raised an eyebrow, taken aback by John’s words.

“I’m sorry that you, uh, walked in on…that. Last night.”

“You can do what you want,” Alexander said, studying the floor uncomfortably. “You broke up with me, remember?”

John sighed and sat down on Alexander’s desk chair. He spent a lot of time there, when Alexander forced him to study instead of procrastinating whatever task was currently at hand.

“Alex.”

Alexander glanced up from the floor and locked eyes with John. There was something in them that he hadn’t seen before—remorse?

All Alexander wanted to do was cross the room, sit down on John’s lap, and kiss him like he’d never kissed anyone. He felt so desperate—so lonely—but what could he do? John didn’t want to be with him.

John was watching Alexander expectantly, so he shook his head and threw his gaze back down to the floor. He didn’t know what to say—how could he apologize for how he’d treated John? For everything he’d done? Was John showing up supposed to be a peace offering? Could Alexander tell him about his latest big mistake, Thomas?

Thomas.

Alexander felt something like a fist clench around his stomach and threaten to make him throw up as he thought about that morning’s fuck-up. John had done it too, but in his case it was meaningless sex with a stranger. This had been morning sex with Alexander’s ex, with whom he had quite an extensive history.

This left him in an even deeper state of speechlessness.

“Alex,” John repeated louder. Alexander could tell that he wanted to keep talking, but Alexander was afraid that he was physically incapable of forming words.

“I slept with someone too,” Alexander blurted. His eyes widened and he clapped his hands over his mouth. He truly hadn’t meant to say anything; his mouth often worked faster than his brain.

John raised his eyebrows in surprise, but to Alexander’s intense shock, he started to chuckle. It was a warm and inviting sound, a familiar sound.

“I guess we both needed to let some anger out of our systems, huh?” John shot Alexander a small, half-smile, a few stray pieces of hair falling into his eyes.

Alexander bit his lip, nodding slowly.

Could he tell him? Should he tell him? Did he need to know?

“It was Thomas,” Alexander whispered. He felt his eyes burn with tears and blinked a few times to clear them away.

“W-wait—what?”

With a deep breath, Alexander looked up to meet John’s gaze. His eyes were wide and filled with shock and sadness.  

“Thomas,” Alexander repeated. “He was here this morning. I’m s-sorry…it was a stupid mistake. I’m so sorry, John.”

He watched John’s chest rise and fall in time with his breathing. He could tell that he was thinking hard. He was probably picturing it—an image he’d seen before—Thomas and Alexander together. No John in the picture.

“Okay,” John said weakly. He stood up and adjusted his shirt. “Okay.”

“John?”

“Thanks for telling me.”

Before Alexander had the chance to say another word, John had swiftly left the all-too familiar room and shut the door calmly behind him.

The mental image was too much: Alexander and Thomas entangled in bed…the bed he’d been in so many times…his quiet place, the place where he was safe. Where he and Alexander were safe…where they could be together and talk…where they watched movies with Hercules and Lafayette…where Alexander helped him meet the word count on his essays…where they spent Sunday mornings, spilling pancake syrup on the sheets…laughing…kissing…

With a quick stop to his room, John pulled on the green sweater he’d gotten for Christmas and pushed his earbuds in, turning the music on his phone to full volume and heading outside. He intended to walk around campus until he couldn’t walk anymore, until he could no longer feel his toes, or until his mind had found something else to focus on.

In the lobby, he pulled on his coat and zipped it all the way, watching the snow fall through the window. It looked peaceful outside, contrasting beautifully with how he felt. A hurricane in the middle of a winter wonderland.

Before John could open the door, he felt a tap on his shoulder and spun around, yanking out one of his headphones.

A woman was standing in front of him—a skinny, middle-aged woman with dull, wrinkled skin; thin, mousey hair; and a wide smile that revealed a set of yellowing, fragile teeth (minus one or two on the bottom).

John stared at her blankly, waiting for the stranger to speak. Who was she? How did she get into the building? Why was she poking him on the shoulder?

“John, you don’t—you don’t recognize me?”

When she spoke, a strange feeling flooded through him. Nostalgia? He recognized her voice. Somehow, he recognized her voice. Where had he heard it before?

“Johnny—”

And then he remembered.

“Mom?”

Her smile widened. He saw black spots pop in his vision. She stepped towards him. He took a step back. He felt as though he was watching the scene from across the room; if he had to guess what an out of body experience was, he was pretty sure this was it.

It had been years. Almost decades. How did she find him? Why was she even looking? He swallowed the lump in his throat and took a deep breath, trying to calm his anxiously pounding heart.

“What—why…what are you doing here?” John felt a harsh coldness overtake him and replace the anxiety. He folded his arms over his chest protectively and took another step back.

“I—I missed you,” she said, raising her eyebrows in surprise.

“Why?”

The question left his mother speechless. It sounded cold, but John was genuinely curious. Why now? After all this time, what changed?

“I heard about your father.” John closed his eyes and nodded. Of course she did. “I want to be here for you. You don’t have anyone anymore.”

“Even when Dad was alive I didn’t have anyone,” John muttered, moving towards the front door and out into the cold. The fresh air felt calming on his face, but his mother followed quickly behind him.

“John,” she said again. “I came all the way from South Carolina. Please—just let me talk to you for a moment—”

“Hang on.” John stopped in his tracks. “You’ve been in South Carolina all these years?”

“I’ve been all over the place. Just—please—let me explain myself.”

“What explanation could you possibly have?” John snapped, spinning around to face her. “Why, after all these years, did you finally decide to come find me? I already had one shitty parent. I don’t need a second in my life, okay? I don’t even know you.”

“I had to leave,” his mother replied quickly.

“Wh—”

“John.” She sighed and shoved her hands in her coat pockets. “I was…I was on meth.”

John stared straight ahead, unblinking. How could this possibly be happening to him? Why was he burdened with the most complicated life of anyone he’d ever known? His mind flashed to an image of himself beside a warm fireplace in a cozy home…next to his boyfriend, whose father had returned from the kitchen with three mugs of hot chocolate…a Christmas tree softly lighting the room. Peace. A simple day. Happiness.

“I was clean for almost a year.” His mother snapped him back into the present.

“But…” John had a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach that he knew what was coming next.

“I’m using again,” she whispered, echoing his fear.

“Right,” John said curtly, nodding at his mother. “Well, I’m going to go back up to my room, where I live, and go to sleep in the hopes that when I wake up I’ll realize that this has all just been a horrible nightmare.”

Without another word, John turned on his heel and sped back through the breezeway, into the lobby, and into the elevator, where he tapped his foot on the floor incessantly, waiting for the sweet relief of the floor he wanted to be on more than anything.

His mind was spinning too fast to conjure a coherent thought. Questions spun around his head and made him dizzy until the elevator beeped and the doors open. He turned right and ran down the hall, only one image overtaking his mind.

Pulling the door open, John startled Alexander, who was sitting at his desk typing something.

He felt a tear roll down his cheek as he swiftly crossed the room, shut Alexander’s laptop, and pressed their lips together, stunning Alexander into submission. The relief that washed over his body when Alexander kissed him back was so overwhelming that John began to cry.

“I’m so fucking sick of complicated,” he whispered.