#spfpp dating advice

[somethingpositive4positivepeople]

SPFPP 284: Managing Expectations

Speaking of managing expectations . . . Order your at home STI testing kit here: https://shamelesscare.com/?ref=643

I spoke a lot to and about how important it is for men to be the best option in the last episode, along with how our behaviors directly impact hookup culture. It’s important that we align with THE code of what it is to be a Man, identify our values and live from that space of integrity.

This episode is more of . . . I took too long to write the description for this one and kind of forgot what I talked about. . . . Ok I skimmed through and remember now. So identifying your value versus increasing your value. These are two completely different things. Recognizing your value is identifying where you feel most confident and competent. For me, my value is linked to my emotional intelligence and availability as a man. Not everyone sees that to be valuable, but that doesn’t change the fact that this IS my value as it’s where I’m most confident and competent.

But like all things in 2022, it’s not exactly about what you do or how good you are at it. It’s really about how you market it. A shitty value can be marketed in a great way to achieve the results you want, so what does putting yourself out there look like when you do recognize your value. Well, you put yourself in or create an environment conducive to your skills and value, an you express it. Let your integrity be the baseline. People adapt to that to be in your life or you adapt to theirs. Alignment is where there’s no need to necessarily adapt because there’s an acceptance. . . That’s too far ahead for this episode, we’ll talk about that next.

[somethingpositive4positivepeople]

SPFPP 282: Be the Best Option

My trip to South Africa really gave me some useful insights to incorporate into my day to day as all travels should. During my trip, I went on a Safari. It was really something to see lions, ostrich, rhinos, elephants, buffalo, giraffes, and zebras and antelope out in something like their own natural habitat. Our tour guide for the Safari would stop the vehicle and point out some of the natural laws of the species when it came to how they coexist. He spoke about how the female just is there and when she’s ready to mate, she’ll only mate with the best option.

She ain’t gotta go on no healing journey, have a cleanse, get her ish together, her finances right, her body right, she just decides she’s ready to mate. What’s said here about mating can be applied to dating. It’s “I’m ready, which one of ya’ll gone come get this (insert cat emoji)”. And then the hunger games start and the most competitive suitors fight it out. As humans, our fight doesn’t look like literally killing one another. The male species is held to a different standard in the human sector. It’s also about environment. The most fit in an environment, the most respected (or feared) in an environment, the most comfortable/safe territory guarded in an environment is who the female chooses.

In the animal kingdom, the female chooses what male gets to mate. She knows this so there is no added pressure on her to become fit, secure her own territory, be respected or feared by her peers. The males have to get their ish together and if they’re born with disadvantages, they do have to work harder to secure mating. The harder a female works to mate, the less the male will work to secure a mate. Now this is transitioning over into mating in 2023 which you’ll have to listen to the podcast for more details on.

This and the next few episodes will be about my own dating experiences if you care for that. I’m in the process of getting interviews with health care providers for SPFPP.

If you need at home STI testing, here’s the link: https://shamelesscare.com/?ref=643

[somethingpositive4positivepeople]

SPFPP 271: Take The Headphones Out

Joyce is a 64 year old Black Lesbian living in NYC. She was diagnosed with HSV in 2014 and shares some well needed wisdom to navigate not just this diagnosis, but also dating in a way that only an someone with this much life experience can articulate. At her age, sex is important, but it’s a different kind of priority. We discuss what to look for in dating outside just what our eyes see and tell us what we prefer. We chat about how supressing needs “for” another person to not hurt their feelings, while not only hurting them anyway, but also damaging the relationship. We also talk about meeting people “the old fashioned way”. I was curious about how she met people given that she’s 64. She says she just talks to people. So today I’m going to go work out without my headphones and attempt to make convos with folks and report back about what happens. This will NOT be a habit lol. Most of my work is audio based and listening to things so I’m gonna make the effort today and see what happens.

[somethingpositive4positivepeople]

This is poor healthcare & stresses the importance of health education advocacy that integrates post-diagnosis support with STD Prevention. What if this were everyone’s experience? A reputable, trusted professional in the thing we expect them to be the expert on tells us, “you do not have to tell anyone you have herpes”. What does the long term and short term impact of that look like? We’re not on the same page and as rare as my posts are about this, it’s far more common practice than it should be. On one hand you have people who think “well I’d want someone to tell me, so I’m gonna be sure to tell them” and on the other you have people looking for a reason, and are actually justified for not disclosing considering this is them adhering to medical advice. There’s a lot of nuance things #somethingpositiveforpositivepeople is challenging in our advocacy and this is one of them. You can support our efforts a number of ways but the best to date is to visit www.spfpp.org and donate directly to #spfpp (at St. Louis, Missouri) https://www.instagram.com/p/CQPL-1DBhg3/?utm_medium=tumblr

[somethingpositive4positivepeople]

SPFPP Episode 123: Doing "The Work"

Closing out the inside look of my process of doing "the work" on myself, I give you what I learned over my week off my HOnMyChest social media, an inside look at what my dating life has been and then the conclusion to it all, followed up by a discovery I made as a result of talking through everything you hear here. To top it all off, I share the best piece of advice I ever received which is to just know when to shut the f*** up.

If nothing else is taken from this episode, I say keep in mind to hold intention over expectation at heart. My healing process is ongoing, as yours should be. Replace any of my experiences with what you are facing and maybe it'll be a template for you to fill in blanks.