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bonny-kookoo · 3 years ago

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Jungkook: Silver Ink [3/3]

Jungkook is so many thing; absolutely not shy, a talented artist, a confident character, a charmer and a well known powerhouse in the bedroom- while you're very very inexperienced in the arts of love and dating.

Or alternatively: "look at you beg for me, so desperate.. Just kidding- of course you can buy a large pack of nuggets."

Tags/Warnings: Tattoo Artist!jungkook x Piercer!reader, shy Reader, quiet reader, Jungkook has no filter, cheeky flirting, jk takes readers virginity lol, no super erotic sex just soft and sweet lovemaking, oral (f. Receiving), size kink if you squint both eyes really hard, basically just realistic sex what yall want from me lol

Part 1 • Part 2

"Not gonna lie, I'm loving the view right now." Jungkook snickers, absolutely unashamedly staring at your chest as you sit on his lap, disinfecting the spot on his eyebrow where he wants his piercing.

He's got his hands on your hips, warm and a little possessive as he keeps you securely where you are. He can see the faint outline of your bra, and your skirt had ridden up a little due to your position. Not that he minds though.

"Jungkook, stay still." You whine under your breath as you prepare everything. Ever since he'd spent the weekend, you've both grown.. way closer than ever before. He loves how comfortable you become with every day that passes, letting him shamelessly hold you even throughout the day at work, uncaring about his blatant PDA even (especially) with customers around.

He obeys however, biting his lip as to not hiss when you guide the needle through his skin. You know he's in pain though; his hands gripping your waist just a bit harder. "Almost done." You hum out in routine, and he can't help but stare at your concentrated face. You're so delicate with him, careful and trying to do a good job as you pull the piercing through, screwing on the silver ball on the other end of it before you clean it up again, finally relaxing as you lean back a little. "You were right." You say, smiling. "It looks great."

You reach for a mirror, but jungkook has other plans, pulling you against him as he leans his head on your shoulder. You're a bit tense, saying his name, but he whines instead like the man child he sometimes turned into. You've come to learn this about him nowadays. "Noo, let's stay like this for a moment." He complains. "You got two guys lined up outside, lemme keep you for myself for a few minutes." He says, kissing your neck as you giggle.

"Jungkook did you forget I'm coming home with you in an hour anyways?" You say. "You basically have me for yourself for three whole days." You tell him as he finally detaches himself with a playfully mad expression.

"Alright alright, but not a minute overtime!" He says, finger poking your chest, before he does it again, and another time before he grows bolder and gently gropes one of your brests, making you shyly slap away his hand, as he laughs, letting you go.

He sneaks in a couple of times however, unable to leave you alone during your last two appointments.

"You want some?" He asks as you're both in his car, driving to his apartment as he catches you staring at a McDonald's sign at the side of the road. You quickly shake your head, looking forward but he knows how much you love your fast food. "You know, if you'd ask me I'd happily buy you some." He hums, making you look over.

"I don't have any cash on me though.." you whine, slumping down in the passenger seat as he taps your shoulder, a silent sign for you to sit properly again.

"I'll pay, no biggie." He says. "I'd still love to have you ask though." He hums out, as you look over.

"..would you buy me some McDonald's kook?" You ask, and he chuckles, nodding. "..and a large shake maybe?" He hums a yes again. "... even an extra large box of chicken nuggets.?" You ask, as he tilts his head, playfully thinking about it as you grow into an equal mood. "Oh come on kook, please-" you start, turning in your seat to look at him. "Please you know I love them, you said you'd buy me if I asked..!" You whine, as he chuckles again, finally breaking.

"look at you beg for me, so desperate.. Just kidding- of course you can buy a large pack of nuggets." He says, noticing the way you turn a bit shy ar the tone of voice he used.

Back home, and filled up with way too salty fast food, you're falling head first into Jungkooks bed after having showered. He laughs, moving to playfully wrestle you, happy to see you growing so at ease with him around. He's been starting to see so many new sides and quirks of yours, falling in love with every single one of them- even with habits he would've deemed annoying or irritating on anybody else. He doesn't mind it when it's you.

Maybe that's what love does to someone.

He leans over your back now, caging you in as he begins to press his lips against the back of your neck. Teasing pecks grow fonder, slower, sensual as he gives you the opportunity to turn around- something you do, given the chance, just to look at him for a second before connecting your lips with his. He smiles into it, letting things escalate a bit before he whines. "Hng stop stop-" he chuckles, as you giggle as well.

"I'm ready." You say, and his eyes widen like a deer in the headlights.

"I- you sure? We don't have to-" He says, careful to monitor in case you're just saying it because you're at his place. He doesn't ever want you to push yourself just to please him.

"I, yeah I'm sure. There's no one I'd rather do this with." You say, and he nods, seemingly having to rearrange his thoughts.

"Fuck okay, yeah sure-" he starts, accidentally almost knocking down his bedside lamp as he reaches for his drawer, rummaging around in it before he finds what he's been searching for. He checks the foil package for its expiration date, sighing in relief when he notes its still got a year to go.

It's way less serious than you imagined it to be, jungkooks arm getting caught in his sleeve has you laughing along with him as he makes sure you're happy and relaxed, not wanting to make you more nervous than you'll soon to be.

"Wait, aren't you gonna-" You start, but he shakes his head as he positions his face between your legs.

"Nop, we got time princess, no need to rush." He says before he places his tongue onto your core, a weird but pleasant experience as you loose yourself in it. He makes sure you enjoy it, gives attention to every little response to satisfy you to its fullest. He knows you probably won't cum on your first time- so he simply wants to give you something beforehand. And needless to say, he needs you to be relaxed, so why not combine?

When you come undone under his antics, you're practically melted by his antics, eyes hazy as you look at him with so much adoration. He feels nervous but weirdly honored as he lines himself up with your core, slowly pushing in as you close your eyes, breathing calmly. You're nicely prepared, making him glide easily as he kisses the side of your face. "You okay?"He checks in, and you nod. Etc stay like that then for a moment, yeah?" He asks, and you nod, holding him close as he simply enjoys the intimacy he has with you.

It's a weird sensation yet again when he begins to move, making you unsure if it's pleasure or something else- but as soon as he speeds up a little, you're convinced that it's pleasure- your breathing heavier as you push your head back into the pillows. "Jungkook-" you whine. "Faster-" but he shakes his head, well aware your own enjoyment is clouding your better judgment. He doesn't want you to be sore after your first time with him.

"Dont worry-" he grits out, summoning all his strength to keep himself in check. "I'll rearrange your guts soon enough princess." He chuckles, making you whine as he grows a bit uneven, rhythm slowly becoming out of place as he comes closer to his own release. You huff out frustrated, and he instantly checks in on what's the cause of it. "What is it?"

"I can't cum like this!" You gasp out, disappointment lacing your words as he clicks his tongue, reaching between your legs to play with your clit. You mewl out at that, orgasm suddenly approaching as you squeeze around him, clenching his length inside as your thighs tremble from the force of it all.

It's all it takes to push him over the edge as well.

Later that night, as he holds you close, he can feel there's something on your mind. "Come on, tell me what's wrong?" He asks, cheerily nibbling on your ear as you squeal, trying to scoot away but unable to as he's holding you tightly.

"I just.?" You begun, unsure how to phrase it. "I just, you know.. everyone always says that like, when you do it, it's a way better finish than when you do it yourself." You say, making him nod.

"Everyone's different though." He hums against your neck from behind. "That was your first time. Well figure out when thally what gets you going, don't worry." He says. "I for myself enjoyed it very much." He says.

"..you did?" You ask meekly, making him squeeze you a bit in his arms.

"Of course." He says, settling down into a sleelong position as be finishes. "I enjoy every second with you, always."

#silver ink jungkook #bts imagine #bts #bts fanfic #bts fic #jungkook imagine #bts smut #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts jungkook #bts reactions #silver ink

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leossmoonn · 4 years ago

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Unexpected Love [Kai Parker] || Part Two

masterlist | part one

pairing - kai parker x fem, human!reader

type - fluff, angst

note - read the first part, this cannot be read as a standalone! if you have read the first part then welcome back, thank you for reading the second part. so this part will be more focused on kai and the readers relationship and definitely all fiction lol (aka no actual scenes from the show) :) and part 3 is at the end!

summary - you and kai fall in love over a period of time after spending time with each other in the prison world

warnings / includes - language, alcohol, crying, fighting, mention/thinking of suicide, family trauma, lot of flirting in this one, suggestive, f/f = favorite flavour (of ice cream) lol

————

*gif isn't mine* (ugh hes so fine im dying)

I sat up straight and gasped, my eyes flying right open. I looked around frantically, sharp pain shooting right through my chest.

“Ow,” I whined, pressing my hand gently to my side.

“Oh, yeah. The first time you die here, it’ll hurt. I bet it’s not any different from what that ring does for you, though,” Kai’s voice ringed next to me.

My head snapped to him, memories of what he did to me flooding back.

“Get away from me!” I shouted, getting up out of the bed I was in.

“I did you a favour, Y/n. You should thank me!” He exclaimed.

“What favour! You robbed me of my only chance of getting home. Now we have no magic and the ascendent is broken!”

“Stop shouting. Ugh, you’re giving me a headache,” he whined.

I gave him a death glare. “You’re the one with the headache. You’re the one- I just… I’m going for a walk.”

I stomped out of the room, running down the stairs. I heard Kai’s footsteps from behind me. I walked as fast as I could without feeling any pain. Kai seemed to be full on sprinting, though, because he grabbed my wrist.

“Let me go!” I exclaimed. “Please, Y/n. I’m sorry,” Kai pleaded.

I jerked my body away from him. “Shove it, Malachai. If you want me to forgive you, then you better leave me alone right now.”

He looked at me with wide, fearful eyes. I didn’t wait for him to say anything. I turned on my heel and made my way out of the house and back to the woods. I stomped the whole way there, my hands balled in tight fists. My fingernails dug into my skin as tears stained my cheeks. I just could not believe Kai. I knew he was a sociopath and a dick, but I didn’t think he would try to rob me of my chance at happiness. It was stupid how I thought he would even think about someone else and not himself. Sometimes he made it seem like he did care, though. It also seemed as my attraction to him from the first time we met was still there. I needed to get rid of it. I needed to find a way to get out here. Without Kai.

I stopped walking as I realised I was deep in the woods. The cool breeze flew around me, calming me down. I closed my eyes and breathed out the air that I had been holding in. I opened my eyes to stare at the sky. It was a cloudless afternoon with bright sunshine. It was always like this. For the past few months this was all I had seen. I was more than sick of it. I wanted rain. Snow. Hail. Anything else but the sunshine for once.

I released my hands from their fists, reaching my right hand up to my side where Bonnie’s jacket still was. I let out a strangled, but happy sound. I unwrapped it from my body, seeing that it had a huge red blood spot that was mine. I ignored it and held it up to my face, hugging it closely to my chest.

“I’m getting out of here. I’m going home,” I promised to myself.

I stayed in the woods until the sun started to set. I spent my time walking around some more, making up a plan. I knew how the ascendent looked before it was broken, and I was sure that Bonnie’s grimoire, that was thankfully still here, had a diagram of some sort, too. I could just build it back up. I took a shop class in high school and used to build cars with my dad, so I was quite the mechanic. Getting it to work without magic was the hard part, though. I needed a Bennett witch to access the spell. I knew Kai still had some of Bonnie’s magic in him, but I couldn’t risk telling him the plan and having it work, only for him to leave me here again. Plus, it’s not like having him use Bonnie’s magic would actually work. He wasn't actually a Bennett. He just happened to have her magic in him.

I opened the door and stepped into the Salvatore house, looking around for Kai. I smiled, relieved that I couldn’t spot him anywhere. I shut the door behind me, kicking off my shoes and going to the liquor cabinet, popping off the top of a bottle of whiskey. I didn’t bother with a cup, I just downed it straight. The liquor burned my throat as I strutted to the kitchen, going over to the CD player and putting on Toni Braxton’s ‘Another Sad Love Song’.

I danced around and got out the ingredients for a strawberry cake. As Toni’s song came to an end, I heard the front door open. I groaned loudly, my mood dropping immediately. I left the kitchen to see what Kai was up to. I laughed incredulously as I saw him carrying multiple duffle bags and a backpack.

“Are you seriously moving in?” I asked.

“Yep,” he nodded. “What part of ‘leave me alone’ do you not understand? Do I need to spell it out for you so it can get through your thick skull?” I snapped, taking ahold of his arm and dragging him back to the front door.

“I understand!” He exclaimed. “Good. Then you’ll get out,” I sneered, pushing him out the door. I went to shut it, but his arm held the door open.

“I will smash your hand in this door,” I threatened.

“Yeah, I know, but hear me out. I can help you get back,” Kai said.

I scoffed, “I don’t want nor need your help. Get out.” I pushed the door further in his face. He dropped his bags and used both hands to keep it open.

“I know you don’t trust me and you have no reason to, but please. I still have Bonnie’s magic in me and I can fix the ascendent with her magic,” he begged. He pouted and put on his puppy dog face.

“No,” I said without any hesitation. “You get out of my life, okay? If I ever see you, hear you, or even smell you, you’re dead, okay?”

His eyes then filled with anger and frustration. “Fine!” He exclaimed. “You know, I only even wanted to help you because I want to get out of here. We both know that I would have only left you here alone.”

“Glad we’re on the same page, then,” I smiled sourly. “See you never.” And with that, I slammed the door in his face.

I sighed deeply, smiling in satisfaction. I went back to the kitchen and resumed my cake making.

A few hours later and I was finishing the last pieces of cake, and watching Forrest Gump.

“Life is like a box of chocolates, huh,” I muttered. “First I’m a regular girl with human friends and a family. And now I’m a girl who who has no family, vampires, werewolves, and witches for friends, and who is stuck in a never-ending prison world!”

I rolled my head around the couch ledge, my eyes looking out the window. It was pitch black now. The stars were shining brightly, many of them twinkling.

“Mom, Dad, Jenny, Andrew. Bonnie and Damon. If you’re out there, please help me. Send someone or something. I-I can’t do this alone, and I definitely don’t want Kai’s help. Please help me,” I cried out. I hugged a couch pillow and Bonnie’s jacket.

I hope someone could hear me up there. Otherwise I was screwed.

————

3 months later and I was still stuck in this hell-hole. Well, at least I think it had been 3 months. Ever since Kai kept me here, I had been counting the days. It had been approximately 90 days, give or take. I was beginning to think this was actually my own personal instead of Kai’s.

Speaking of Kai, he actually had been pretty good of avoiding me. In these 90 days, I have only ran into him twice. Once was while I was going for a morning jog and the other was when I was venturing into town, walking to the Mystic Grill and all the shops. During my stay, I have also been documenting my days with an old video camera I found. I knew that I would get out, but just in case, I would be able to have all those memories saved and if I died somehow and never came back and someone else got trapped here, they could see the glamorous life of Y/n L/n. Or what was left of it at least.

Today was going to be different, though. For the past few months, I had been sitting in my bedroom for most of the week, crying, talking to myself, screaming at the world. I had even considered killing myself once or twice, but I knew that I would only wake up in more pain and sadness. Every day I prayed and hoped for someone to come and find me. For my friends to find out a way to get to me, even though they didn’t have the ascendent or anything. It seems as more days past, the less and less hopeful I got, though. So, I decided that the only way I was getting out of here was to do it myself, regardless if I wasn’t a magical being.

And so right now, I was trying to build the ascendent. I was almost there, actually. It was just these little parts that were so frustrating to put back together.

“Go together, dammit!” I exclaimed out of frustration.

I put the device down, running my hands over my face, thinking of a solution. Maybe I should ask Kai for help.

No. That would only end up with me screaming at him the whole time and potentially killing him.

But he probably still had some go Bonnie’s magic left. He could help me get out. And plus, I could just push him away last minute when we go through the portal.

I groaned out of annoyance. I didn’t know what the right answer was. I thought I did. I thought I could do this by myself. But it turns out I can’t. It’s a lot harder than I thought and the fact that I’m a human doesn’t help either. I bit my lip in thought, racking my brain for an answer.

“You have to ask him to help, Y/n. It’s the only way,” I sighed to myself.

I got up from my seat and put on my shoes and jacket. I went out of the house and got into Damon’s Chevy, driving it to Kai’s house. I clenched the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white as I parked in his driveway. Just the thought of seeing him made my stomach churn. Thing was, I didn’t quite know if it churned in a good way or bad.

I stepped out of the car, putting the keys in my jacket pocket. I walked up to the door and gave it a good 3 knocks. A waited a few minutes, but no answer. I knocked a few more times and waited another few minutes. Still no answer.

“Seriously?!” I whined, raising my hand to pound on the door, but Kai’s voice stopped me.

“What are you doing here?”

I turned around and saw him carrying grocery bags.

“Oh. Good, you’re here,” I said, stepping down from his porch.

“You never answered my question. What are you doing here?” He asked.

“I need your help,” I confessed.

His lips upturned into a smile. He let out a laugh. “Wow. Princess Y/n has gotten over her pride, huh?”

“And sociopathic Parker still harasses me with nicknames, huh?”

Kai frowned and walked up to the porch, passing by me and unlocking his house.

“Sorry,” I sighed, following him into his house. “Will you please help me?”

“Hm, let me think about it,” he said, setting the grocery bags down. “No.”

I rolled my eyes. “C’mon! You barely thought about it. Why not?”

“Because I hate you,” he shrugged. “Why? What have I done to you?” I scoffed.

“Well, first of all you slammed a door in my face. Second, whenever we run into each other, you act like I murdered your whole family. And third, you denied my help before, but now you want it? I think not,” he explained.

“Look, I’m sorry. I really, really am, but I know for a fact that you want to get out. I want to, too! But I’ve learned that we can’t get out without each other. I’m sorry I let my pride take over me. So please help me,” I begged and apologised.

Kai grinned at me. “I love this.” “Love what?” I asked.

“I love seeing you beg,” he said, his voice dropping low. He started to walk towards me slowly. Stalking me like I was his prey.

I backed away from him, my eyes trained on him. I let out a huff as my back hit a wall. My eyes widened and stared into his menacing eyes.

“I love seeing you beg for me. Begging for my help like the helpless little human you are,” he muttered.

He arms went around your sides, trapping in-between him and the wall. I breathed out heavily and shakily, averting my eyes.

“I’m not helpless,” I protested. He smirked down at him, his eyes lighting up. “You sure about that, princess?”

The way he stressed my pet name set my fire to my heart, and set my stomach flipping. He head hung low. So low that I could fell his breath on my lips. I felt his knee nudge my thigh and that’s when I stopped breathing. I could fell myself slowly melting into a puddle right in front of him.

“You gonna answer me, sweetheart, or are you just gonna stand there gawking at me?” He chuckled.

I swallowed hard. “N-No.”

“Then answer me,” he teased me. “Y-Yeah… I’m sure about that,” I whispered.

He hummed in reply. I let my eyes roam his face and set on his lips.

“Offer is still there,” he said. “What offer?” I asked.

“The offer to kiss me. Remember when I offered when we first met?”

“O-Oh, yeah,” I stuttered, beginning to catch my breath

“The offer’s still there if you wanna take it.” My eyes flickered back up to his. I shook my head furiously. “I-I don’t want to take it.”

“Oh, I think you do,” he grinned.

I then snapped out of my daze, putting my hand on shoulders and pushing back. “I said no.”

“Alright, alright,” he held his hand up in defense, backing further away from me.

“Now you’ve had your fun, will you help me?” I asked, running my fingers through my hair.

“I guess so,” he shrugged. My eyes lit up, “Really? Oh, my God! Yes!”

I jumped up and went to hug him, wrapping my arms around him. I engulfed him tightly, entangling my fingers in his hair. It was surprisingly soft.

“This feels nice,” Kai sighed.

I groaned, “Okay. Moment ruined.” I pulled away, stepping back a good few feet.

“You hugged me first,” he shrugged. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Alright, so when do you want to get started?” I asked.

“After dinner,” he answered. “But it’s 2 pm,” I said.

“I know. But how about you and me have dinner together,” Kai explained.

“I thought you hated me?” I asked. “Oh, I do. I definitely do. That’s why I want to have dinner with you. I know just how to push your buttons. You’re so cute when mad,” he grinned.

I growled at him. “And you are so annoying.” “See! So cute,” Kai scrunched his nose.

“I bet it’ll be cute when I give you a black eye,” I muttered.

“It'd like to see you try. Anyways, if you want my help, then you’ll come to dinner with me,” Kai shrugged.

I sighed, “Fine. What time? What do I need to cook?”

“7 PM. And nope, I’ll cook.”

“O-Oh, really? You cook?”

“Yep,” he grinned proudly.

“Hm… Well, good to know. Anyways, I’ll be here at 7,” I said, making my way towards the door.

“Make sure to dress up! This is gonna be fancy!” Kai called out.

“Noted!” I exclaimed, stepping out of the house. I shut the door behind me, exhaling heavily. “Now you got a date with the town’s psycho, Y/n. Good going.”

I strutted over to the car, getting in and driving back to my place. I read a few books to pass the time until I had to get ready. I got done with Twilight: Eclipse, as I actually had already started that the other day, and I went ahead and started to read more into Bonnie’s grams’s grimoire.

It was all so fascinating, really. I was so amazed by just the spells themselves, I didn’t even consider the history of all of them. While reading the grimoire, I started to feel a little jealous of the fact that Bonnie’s a witch, and the fact that I’m a human with a ring that keeps me alive whenever I got killed. I almost started to feel jealous of Damon and Tyler, but I knew that I never would want to be a monster. Being a witch would seem nice, though. Not like Kai, though.

After a little heavy reading, I checked the clock. It was 5:49, which meant that I had to start getting ready. I put a bookmark in place in the grimoire and got up off the couch, heading up the stairs. I turned on the shower and got undressed.

I took off my sweatpants and socks, followed by my shirt. As I reached for my shirt overhead, the front of it brushed my nose. An unfamiliar, but calming scent filled my nose. I slipped the rest of the shirt off, turning it back right side out and held it up to my nose. I closed my eyes and breathed the scent in. It smelled like mint, paper of old books, and a little like grape jam. As soon as the grape jam smell came to me, I immediately knew who this scent belonged to.

“Ew!” I shrieked and threw the shirt across the room. It landed in the laundry basket, luckily enough. I let out a gagging noise, taking off my underwear and getting in the shower quickly.

I took my time washing up. Taking a shower seemed to be the only place I could really let go and bask in the quiet and loneliness that was in this house. It was strange because it was always quiet and lonely in this house. This was my only time to truly relax since I was doing everything to keep my busy during the day, so I wouldn’t start crying and throwing a fit about still being here.

I lathered my body with shampoo, giving myself a little massage on my shoulders. I closed my eyes and started to imagine what life would be like if I wasn’t stuck in 1994.

I would be with my friends, obviously. We would be at Whitmore, trying to live a normal life. Caroline, Elena, Bonnie and I would be having a picnic on campus. Sipping iced teas and eating sometime of desert. Damon would probably be with us, considering that Elena can’t be without Damon for more than 10 minutes without dying - literally. Stefan would most definitely be there. He’s my best friend, so of course he would be there. He would be talking to Caroline, though, her hogging all of his attention because she likes him (though she always denied it). And maybe Jeremy would be there, too, for Bonnie. Holding her hand and cuddling up next to her like the cute couple they are. And me? Well, I didn’t really have anybody special in my life. I actually had a thing with Kol Mikaelson before he died. I liked Tyler briefly in high school, but I’m 100% sure he’s into the girl that works at the coffee shop at Whitmore. Matt wasn’t my type at all. Neither was Enzo. Maybe I had a cute boy a Whitmore on my arm. A classmate that I had invited to the picnic. Someone cute, smart, funny… a little crazy. Maybe… Maybe Kai.

My eyes snapped open as I became aware that Kai was now in my fantasy. I couldn’t help but shudder, even with the hot water running on my skin. I washed the rest of my body, focusing on anything else but Kai. I turned off the water, wrapping a towel around me. I dried my skin off as I walked to the sink, putting on lotion and re-brushing my teeth. I stepped back into my bedroom and put on a nude-coloured underwear set. It was simple and very, very comfortable. I then went over to my closet, looking for an outfit to wear. I shuffled through all my shirts, not being able to find one that I liked. I sighed in slight frustration, stepping back to try and see if anything stuck out to me.

A little, annoying voice - that sounded much like my mother’s - sounded in the back of my head.

Maybe you can’t decide on an outfit because you like him and want to look nice for him.

I scoffed loudly, shaking my head. “No. I definitely do not care. That’s why I’m just gong to wear this.” I reached into my closet and pulled out a simple dark-turquoise dress. It was spaghetti-strapped and plunged a little bit at the neckline. It reached down just above my knees. Perfect for dinner with an… associate.

I slipped it on and back to the bathroom and did my hair, putting it in one of my favourite hairstyles. I then got out some makeup products. I put on a light coat of foundation and concealer, curling my eyelashes and brushing them up with mascara. I then shaped my eyebrows and filled in the sparce parts, dusting on some blush and putting on chapstick. I looked in the mirror, stepping back to look at my appearance. I cringed as it looked like I was going on a date. I shook those thoughts out of my head. I wasn’t dressing up for him, I was dressing up for myself. There’s no shame in wanting to look nice for yourself.

I went back into the bedroom and found a pair of black heels. I slipped them on, going over to the dresser and putting on a few gold bracelets and a pair of earrings. I re-adjusted my necklace that I was already wearing. I looked at my reflection and smiled. For once, I felt and looked good. I grabbed a black jacket and walked out of my room, checking the time once again. I had 10 minutes to get his house, which was perfect.

I went out of the house and to the Chevy, driving to Kai’s house. I parked in the driveway, my heart beginning to race. I let out a few deep breaths and go out of the car. As soon as I was about to knock, the door swung wide open.

The door revealed Kai who was wearing a white button-up shirt and dark-blue slacks. He actually looked… nice, for once. My eyes traveled around his chest. I couldn’t help but notice the way his biceps strained against his shirt. I could literally see his abs through the shirt, too. It did not help butterflies that were starting to flutter in my stomach.

“Like what you see?” He smirked.

My eyes flew up to his face, taking a deep breath to calm myself down from all the excitement I was feeling.

“No,” I said flatly, going into the house and brushing past Kai.

“Well, you look nice,” he said as I walked into his kitchen.

“Thanks. You do, too,” I complimented genuinely.

“I’ve never seen you in a dress before. You should wear them more often.”

“I don’t like dresses.”

“But you like me. That’s why you wore one to our date?”

I balled my hands in fists, turning around to face him. “One, this is not a date. And two, girls can wear dresses for themselves, not for men like you.”

Kai grinned widely at me. I realised I had fallen into his trap. He was trying to push my buttons and so far, he's been successful. I couldn't let him win, though. I had to calm down and get through this night. Otherwise I would probably never be getting out.

“Your temper is almost as bad as Damon’s,” Kai remarked.

I sighed, “Well you’re not making it easy to stay calm.”

“I know,” he chuckled, walking past me and to the dinner table. “I hope you like ravioli and mushrooms.”

“Did you make these or buy them?” I asked, walking towards the kitchen table.

“Made them. The Salvatores have lots of cook books. I might have stole them before you came,” he explained.

"Well, it smells great,” I admitted, beginning to take off my jacket.

“Glad you think so. Here, let me get this for you,” he slid over to me and took the jacket off my shoulders. He folded it and put it on the ledge of his couch.

“Thanks,” I said. He then pulled my chair out for me. I sat down, thanking him this time with a smile.

“Wine?” He asked, bringing a bottle over. “Yeah, sure,” I nodded.

He poured two glasses and placed one in front of me. He sat down and took a knife and fork.

“Dig in,” he offered. “This isn’t filled with like, cyanide, right?” I asked half-jokingly.

“Ha-ha. No. I worked really hard on these,” he said.

“Hm,” I hummed. I cut one of the raviolis in half and popped on in my mouth. My eyes widened as it tasted a lot better than I expected.

“Good, right?” Kai smiled.

“Very,” I nodded once I swallowed.

We ate in silence for a few moments. I was itching to talk to him about getting home. I took a long sip of wine before beginning to take.

“So um…. I’ve started to re-build the ascendent. It’s a lot harder than it looks, but I’m really close. I just have-”

“No,” Kai said suddenly. I furrowed my brows, “What?” “No, we aren’t going to talk about that just yet. I want to get to know you,” he explained.

I rolled my eyes. “Why? All you need to know is my name and that I hate living here.”

He chuckled, “Not true. I have trust issues. So before I get involved with you, I need to know I can trust you. See, I didn’t trust Damon or Bonnie. I knew that they hated me from the second they met me. I knew that no matter what I would do, they would never give in to trusting me. You, however, you are so trusting. Didn’t you find it creepy that I, a strange man whom you met in a parking lot, offered you a ride?”

“Oh. I-I mean, I guess? But I needed a ride, anyways,” I said.

He shook his head with a smile. “No. Not a good enough reason. Any reasonable woman would have run away from me. You, though… You saw something good in me, didn’t you? You thought I was nice and cute. Maybe a little too forthcoming, but still you put some trust in me. And if you can trust me, maybe I can learn to trust you.”

“Is that why you didn’t let me go with them?” I asked, suddenly connecting the dots.

“Part of the reason. I knew that I had no chance of getting home with Damon and Bonnie. But with you, I knew that I had a chance. Even though you are just a human.” “I am more than that,” I argued.

“And I’m sure you are! But you see, I don’t know that for sure because I don’t know anything about you. See what I’m getting at here?” “Yeah, I see,” I grumbled. “Great! So let’s start with the first question. Why do you always wear that necklace?” He pointed to my neck.

“It was a gift,” I explained shortly, hoping he would notice the edge in my voice.

“From who?” He asked, the corners of his lips upturning in a smirk.

Of course he noticed. He just wasn’t going to stop.

“Family member.” “C’mon, you gotta give me more. I can’t help you if I don't trust you.” I slammed my fork down on the table. “So? There’s a lot of people in the world that you don’t trust fully, but sometimes you just have to help them! Like in school, you may not trust one of your classmates personally, but if they ask you for help on a math problem, you would help them, right? And plus, I don’t trust you. I never did, for the record. I just really want to get out of this place, which now I am believing is my personal hell, not your’s, but I can’t do that without you!”

Kai took a bite of his ravioli, taking his sweet time to chew and swallow. I clenched my knife, tempted to throw it into his carotid.

“Watch your temper, princess. If you keep yelling at me, then I definitely won’t help you.” I closed my eyes and breathed in slowly, trying to calm myself down. “Fine. Sorry. I just don’t want to answer the questions about my necklace.”

“Oh, I know. That’s why I’m asking,” he grinned.

I rolled my eyes, settling back in my seat. “Please, don’t. It’s really personal.”

“You know, I killed my family. It can’t get any worse than that,” he shrugged.

“Yeah, well, this is worse to me,” I muttered. “What? Did you kill your whole family, too? Man, I didn’t know we were so similar,” he chuckled.

“No. They got murdered right in front of me,” I whispered out. Tears prickled the corners of my eyes. I lowered my gaze to my almost-empty plate. Thick, uncomfortable silence filled the room. I tried to fight the tears that threatened to fall, but as memories came back, I could no longer hold them off.

“I-I’m gonna go. Thanks for dinner, Kai.” My voice was hoarse as I spoke. I swallowed hardly, trying to clear my throat, but it felt like shards of glass were rubbing the sides of it.

I went to grab my jacket and wrapped it around me, reaching out for the doorknob, but Kai pulled me back. He wrapped his fingers around my wrist gently, but firmly. He tugged me back slightly, enough for me to turn around and look him in the eyes. The expression on his face was something that I had never seen on him before. He looked regretful, guilty; full of remorse. For once I didn’t feel annoyed or scared of him.

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” he spoke softly, his blue eyes boring into my e/c eyes.

“I-It’s alright. It’s not your fault,” I sniffled. “No… I-I should have known this was too personal for you to want to share,” he admitted.

“Yeah, well, I know how much you like to push my buttons,” I chuckled.

“I do. I admit that. But I really do want to get to know you.” I narrowed eyes at him, crossing my arms around my chest and leaning back in my chair. “Why?”

“Because I… I think you’re interesting. When I was watching you and your friends, I was able to discover things. Things about Bonnie and Damon. But you… I couldn’t figure out a thing about you. You talk a lot to Damon, and I know you’re really close with Bonnie, but you’re still so private. I’m such an open person, so it was weird for me to see you be so closed-off, but outgoing at the same time,” he explained, his cheeks glowing pink as soon as he finished.

I couldn’t believe what I had heard him say. He was finally saying nice things about me in a sincere tone. I couldn’t help but smile and softened up. “Really?”

“Yeah,” He shrugged sheepishly. “Hm,” I buzzed.

“So, will you stay and we can get to know each other? I promise I won’t ask you about your family anymore,” he said.

I stared at him intensely. As much as I wanted to say no, every fiber in my body was screaming yes.

“Alright, sure. I’ll stay,” I nodded. I knew that if I said no, he probably wouldn't help me get back home, but I was actually looking forward to staying. It seemed as though my feelings for him were developing a lot quicker and stronger than I thought they ever would.

A bright smile lit up his face immediately. “Great! Do you want to continue eating? I have some ice cream, too, if you want.”

“Ice cream sounds good,” I answered. He nodded and let go of my wrist, walking to his freezer.

I felt alone and cold all of the sudden. I felt myself start to miss his hand on me, holding my arm. His skin was so warm and surprisingly soft. I wanted him to touch me all over.

“Take a seat on the couch.” His voice broke me out of my dirty thoughts.

I shrugged away the thoughts and made my way to the sofa, taking a seat and making myself comfortable.

“Do you want a blanket of anything?” He asked, setting down two bowls.

“I’m good for now, thanks,” I said, reaching her to grab a bowl. “F/f?” I asked.

“Yeah. This one of the few things I found out about you,” he smiled sheepishly, taking his bowl and sitting down next to you.

“Indeed I do. I assume you do, too?” I guessed. “Yep,” he nodded. “Hm. So, what do you want to know about me?” I asked.

“What’s your favourite colour?”

“F/c.” “Do you have any pets back at home?” He asked.

“I had a cat a few years ago. She died, though.” “Oh, I’m sorry,” he frowned. “It's alright. She was 20, so she was bound to die soon,” I shrugged.

He nodded. “What’s life like back at home?”

I took a bite of ice cream, thinking for a few moments. “Fun. Busy, but really happy and colourful.”

“Are you in college?” He asked. “Yeah. Second year,” I answered. “What’re you studying?”

“I’m majoring in human studies and minoring in art and design.” “Sounds fun.”

“It is. And a little stressful,” I chuckled. He laughed with me, looking away from me for a moment and then looking back.

“Do you have a boyfriend, or girlfriend, back at home?” He asked.

“Nope. I’ve been single for a good couple years,” I said.

“You? Single? I find that hard to believe,” he snorted. “Why?” I asked, my heart fluttering just thinking about his answer.

Kai smiled softly at me. “Well, for starters, you’re beautiful. You’re strong and confident. You know what you want and have no issue in fighting for it. You’re a little hot-headed, but I find it attractive. You’re very smart; I see you reading almost everyday. You’re determined and dream big. I can tell you really care about your friends and family, despite how much you and Damon bickered. You’re like a girl in a novel or movie that other girls want to be.”

My whole face went warm at his explanation. My lips were upturned into the most cheek-aching smile, too.

“And you said it was hard to find things out about me,” I giggled, nudging his foot with mine.

“Well, I couldn’t find out personal things about you. That's all just from observation,” he shrugged, not seeming to be embarrassed.

I nodded, “Well, now you know a few personal things about me.”

“That I do.” “I…. I thought you liked Bonnie, too,” I spoke my thoughts out loud.

“She’s beautiful, too. She’s also incredibly smart and intuitive. She’s very strong and nice. But you’re the one that really caught my eye.”

“Oh,” I smiled impossibly wider. “Well, good to know.” “Yep,” he popped the ‘p’. I couldn't help but notice how his gaze dropped down to my upper chest, where my necklace sat.

“They died one and a half years ago,” I started.

His eyes flew up to mine. “You don’t have to-”

“No, no. It’s alright. Um… so it was at night. Everyone else was at the house, but I had snuck out to go to a party hosted by Caroline. At this time, I was involved with a vampire named Kol. He convinced me to go out. I knew it was wrong and I was going to get in trouble. I was what some would call a goody-two shoes. Anyways, I stayed out until like, 2 in the morning. I was getting tipsy and tired. So, Stefan, Damon’s brother, drove me home. When I first arrived at my house, it looked completely normal. It was quiet and peaceful. It wasn’t until I walked into my house when I knew something was wrong. There were lights on upstairs. It felt so tense, too. I could literally feel how tense and thick the air was.” I stared down at my ice cream for multiple minutes, blinking rapidly as tears fell.

“I went upstairs and that’s when I saw him. He was tall and wearing a ski-mask, like he was trying to rob us. I guess he had other things he wanted to do, too. He didn’t see me at first, though. It wasn’t until he shot my dad when I started to cry and that’s when he noticed me. I ran away though and into my sibling’s room. I saw that they were still were asleep and safe. So I did the first thing I thought was sensible. I called Stefan. I explained to him that someone had murdered my dad. And as I called him, I heard my mom scream,” I shuddered as her scream ringed in my ears.

“That’s when I heard the door being kicked open downstairs and I knew that Stefan was there. He had brought Caroline and Damon, too, with Bonnie. They were all here to help and I was so appreciative of them. I thought they were going to kill the guy, which was honestly what I wanted. But apparently, the murderer was a vampire. An old one, too, which meant he was stronger than everyone. My friends put up a good fight and I tried to get Andrew and Jenny out of the house, but as soon as we were going down the stairs, the murderer sped up to us and snapped both of their necks. I-It all happened so fast. I….I just couldn't register what was happening. They both just fell limp in my arms. I didn’t know what to do but cry. I was practically screaming while crying, cursing at the murderer. I tried to fight him, but I was so tired and weak, he almost ended up killing me, but luckily Stefan got to him the fastest and ripped his heart out. He fell right on top of me, too. I will never forgetting the weight I was feeling just then. Metaphorical and physical. I pushed him off of me and collapsed into Stefan’s arms. He held me for what seemed like forever until I stopped crying.”

I felt Kai move closer to me, putting a comforting hand on my hand. I smiled softly at him, letting out a deep breath as I was about to finish the story.

“I didn’t come to school for four months after that. I didn’t even come out of my room during that time. My friends took turns everyday taking care of me. Stefan was on cooking duty, Caroline, Elena, and Bonnie switched roles of helping me bathe, getting me to eat, trying to get me to take a step out of bed. Damon and Jeremy provided the jokes and funny stories to try and get me to feel better. Alaric, who was acting like Elena and Jeremy’s parent, adopted me into their family. He said it was Elena and Jeremy’s idea and he agreed fully. After my grieving period, I moved in with the Gilberts. Elena and Jeremy called me their sister and I fell into that role. It was nice to have a family again. It was nice to have siblings again. To have a parent again. I knew it wasn’t real, though. Jeremy and Elena acted like it was real, though. They were so welcoming of having me as a sister, it was just so good. Once I went to college, though, I tried to get a little more independent. Bonnie was gone, actually, so all I had was Caroline and Elena. But we made it work. I’m so thankful for all of them. They really helped me and never gave up on me. Even when I threw fits about getting out of bed,” I smiled at the memories of them helping me.

“Anyways,” I shifted on the couch. “The summer before college, I ended up cremating my family and spreading them across the Pacific Ocean, thanks to Damon who gladly took me on a trip.”

“Wow,” Kai breathed out. “I know,” I chuckled.

“You have really great friends. I’m sorry that all happened to you,” he said. “I-I can’t imagine what you went through. And what you’re still going through.” “Yeah, well, I’m the survivor here. You’re an actual murderer,” I smirked.

He laughed, “True. You know, if you know that I’m a murderer, then why do you agree to spend time with me?”

I sighed and set the empty bowl of ice cream on the table. “Well, you’re right. I am trusting. I see the good in people and I see the good in you. When I was about to walk out the door, I saw the good in you. I see the good in you now. You can be good, Kai. I know it’s hard considering what you have been through, but you are just as much as a survivor as I am.” I intertwined our fingers and put my other hand on his forearm.

“You were abused as a child. You were punished for being different. And although that doesn’t excuse you killing your siblings, you still deserve love. I don’t know how being in a coven works, but I do know how being in a family works. You’re supposed to love each other and your father didn’t give you that love. Sure, you’re a little… eccentric at times, but you still have feelings like everyone else. I know Damon and Bonnie called you a sociopath, and I know I did, too, but now that I’ve seen this side of you, I know you’re different. You should be able to resent your father for being blamed for being a siphoner. Which, by the way, I think it really cool, honestly. I-I’m sorry for yelling at you and getting really mad all those times,” I apologised, looking at him in the eyes to know I was sincere.

He shrugged with a smile, “Well I didn’t make it easy on you.”

I laughed, “No, you did not. Anyways… You are a survivor Kai. A survivor of your family and this world. You deserve a lot more than you think.”

“Thank you. I guess that’s true,” he said.

I smiled and leaned into him, “I know it’s true.”

He smiled at me, his hand tightening around mine. My eyes trailed down to his lips, ogling them for a good few moments.

“Does the necklace has pictures of them?” Kai asked.

I leaned away immediately, my hand slipping out of his. “Yeah, do you want to see them?”

He nodded, moving closer to me so our thighs were touching. I took off the necklace, opening it up and showing him the left side where my parent’s picture sat.

“That’s my dad, Owen, and that’s my mom, Louisa,” I pointed.

“You look just like your mom,” Kai muttered.

I looked to my right, seeing that he was staring right at me. I blushed a little, looking down shyly. “Yeah. We got our genes from our mom.”

“Are they Andrew and Jenny?” He pointed to the right side of the locket.

“Yep. Andrew is 10 and Jenny is 13,” I said.

“They look like good kids,” he commented. “They were. I often wish that it was me who died instead of them,” I murmured.

“Why?”

“Because I was the one who snuck out that night. Plus, my mom and I were having some relationship issues. She was always so irritated with me and criticizing everything I did. The last thing I said to her that night was “I hate you. I wish I had a different mom.”,” My lips were pulled down in a deep frown.

“Well, you didn’t mean that, right?” Kai guessed.

“I didn’t,” I shook my head. “Well, that’s all that matters,” he said.

I nodded and looked up at him.

“You have a little… Here,” he said and lifted up his hand. He cupped my cheek, his thumb running across my cheekbone, wiping a few tears away.

My breath hitched as I felt myself leaning towards him. There was like this magnetic pull that I was feeling. I knew I couldn’t fight it if I tried. His eyes met mine, staring intensely at me. My eyes flickered down to his lips. They looked so soft. So pink. So unbelievably kissable. I was about to close the space in-between us when Kai stopped me.

He put his hand on my shoulder, pushing me back.

“What? Did I read the situation wrong? I’m so sorry,” I rushed out, getting up from the couch.

Kai’s hand grabbed my forearm roughly, pulling me back down on the couch.

“No, it’s not that. You read the situation totally right it's just that… I’ve never kissed anyone before,” he admitted, looking down shyly.

I smiled softly, reaching my hand out for his. “It’s alright. We don’t have to do anything. It’s late, anyways. I should get going.” I looked at the clock, noticing that it was 9:30.

“Or you can stay and we can watch a movie?” He suggested. “Sure,” I nodded with a smile. “Can I take my shoes off?” “Yeah, of course. Actually um, do you want a change of clothes?” He asked.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind,” I nodded.

“Sweatpants and t-shirt work for you?” He asked.

“It definitely does,” I said. “Great. I’ll be right back, go ahead and make yourself comfortable,” he said, getting up from the couch.

I smiled and nodded, taking my shoes and jacket off. I leaned back on the couch, sighing. I could not believe I was making nice with someone who tried to kill me. Damon was right. My type is crazy.

————

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blue-bird-kny · 4 years ago

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Steamy Seduction

I’m back!! I finally finished that fic I mentioned forever ago lol. Believe it or not but since school’s started I’ll be able to produce more work. Without further ado here is some long overdue love for Mitsuri! As always, enjoy~Amanda

Side note: the fact that I'm almost to 1k followers is mind boggling so thank you all!!

Warning: NSFW, mild dom/sub themes, eating out, semi-public, Fem!reader, language

(1.7k+ words)

“Hmmmm” you sighed in relief, submerged up to just below your nose in the boiling water of the hot spring. It had taken some major planning, but you managed to gather most of your Hashira friends (Sanemi and Obanai both thought this was a waste of time) to take a much needed vacation at a local hot springs in the mountains. “Sometimes you could be such a child” Shinobu snickered from the edge of the water; she and Mitsuri sat wrapped in white towels, the water morphing its shape to hug their form- you almost purred at the sight of Mitsuri’s breast, just barely covered by the cloth.

floated over to the girls, tightening your bun in the process. Mitsuri couldn’t help but giggle as she watched the way her friend glared, your fingers finding Mitsuri’s. Shinobu stretched, pulling herself out of the water, “I don't want to end up like a prune so I’m going to bed, you two love birds stay out of trouble” she winked, grabbing her robe and disappearing.

As if on instinct, you moved to Mitsuri’s lap, your legs trapping her against her seat. “You look so pretty with your hair down” you cooed playing with the loose strands. She looked away shyly, her arms softly hugging your waist. “You always say I’m pretty, so how will I know when I look bad?” she probed. “Impossible. You’ve never looked anything but beautiful”. You moved on from her hair, your fingertips brushing against the skin of her neck up to her cheeks, holding the rosy flesh in your hands, your thumbs rubbed soothingly along her features.

Mitsuri hummed in content as your lips traveled along her skin, leaving open mouthed kisses along her jawline, down her throat, until finally reaching her lips. You pressed your chest against hers, groaning into the kiss at the feel of Mitsuri’s hard nipples against yours. Your tongue slid along her bottom lip, silently asking for permission, nibbling gentle against the swollen skin. Her grip on your waist steadily tightened as her legs figgetted between yours. “We can get into a little trouble, no?” you flirted, toying with the edge of the towel. Mitsuri fervently shook her head, already trapped under the spell of your touch.

You shifted, bringing your knee between her thighs, pressing against her naked mound. “Agh!” you swallowed her moan with your mouth, moving your knee back a bit. “ Sorry baby, but you’ll have to be quieter than that” You held her chin, staring into her wide eyes, “Just over that wall are all the guys, you wouldn’t want them to hear you” you inched your knee closer again, just brushing against her folds. The sound of Uzui’s booming laughter emphazed your point. “Or maybe you want them to hear how easily you come undone at my touch. But you know baby, I don’t share, I want all your delicious noises for myself so if you can’t keep quiet I’ll just have to stop” you pulled away slightly, “No! I’ll be good I promise” Mitsuri pleaded, pulling you against her. “That's what I like to hear baby, you're always so good for me” you dawdled, your knee gently grinding circles against her cunt. You pulled her towel open, riding her of the pesky cloth and leaving her on full display.

You thumbed at her nipples, watching the way Mitsuri shuddered at your touch before taking one in your mouth, sucking. Mitsuri covered her mouth quickly, broken moans muffled as they slipped through the cracks. If she was having a hard time piping down now, you couldn’t wait to watch her struggle during the main event. You switched between sucking and nipping while your leg still worked under the water, never putting more pressure than needed. Your whole body worked in a steady pattern, never easing the pleasure you were giving- if you weren’t careful Mitsuri would come sooner than you wanted.

You pulled off her breast with a wet pop, marveling at the hot mess beneath, pressing harder against her clit. Your face landed in the valley between her breast, licking a trail up over the juncture of her neck, across faded marks from previous nights. Mitsuri’s eyes were screwed shut, she was biting her fingers so tightly in an effort to suppress her mewls that you were afraid it’d draw blood. In one swift motion, you pulled away completely, ceasing all movement. Mitsuri whined at the loss of your touch, her bulging eyes pleading. “Don’t worry baby,” you removed her hand kissing the palm lovingly, “you were so good for me, of course I’d let you cum” you pushed her wild strands back behind her ears, peppering her skin with kisses. “Could you sit up on the ledge for me please? I promise you’ll feel good” you urged, placing the towel on the cold floor for her to sit on.

She nodded hazily, lifting herself out of the water and onto the towel. You growled at the sight of the water beads falling down her naked skin, her flushed cheeks filled you body with warmth- oh how you couldn’t wait to taste her. You gripped her legs, pulling them apart slowly, too slowly for Mitsuri’s liking. Your eyes bore into hers through wet lashes, biting at the supple flesh of her thick thighs. “Y/n please” she cried, her arms unsteadily holding herself off the ground. “Be patient baby girl, you know I just love this part” you mumbled against her inner thigh, the skin littered with bruises. You could smell her juices, close enough that your breath caused shivers to pass through her spine. Your index finger trailed her sopping slit, gathering her slick on your finger. “See? Beautiful.” you showed off her mess like it was some glistening prize, before bringing your finger past your lips.

Mitsuri couldn’t take much more of this teasing, she was desperate for anything. For you though, she would sit through hours of torturous teasing and that thought alone brought you face to face with her dripping pussy. “Baby you should lay down, your arms will get tired” you spoke caringly, your nose grazing her navel. She did as she was told, yelping at the sudden feel of your tongue prodding her hole. You pushed her lips apart, your tongue moving as far inside as possible, your nose bumping against her sensitive bud. Her delicate fingers held your hair, the others returning to her own mouth.You licked and stretched, drinking up as much of her as you could. “You’re delicious baby” your sultry voice rang, the muffled vibrations causing Mitsuri to clench around nothing.

You moved south, stuffing two digits into her soaked cavern; she winced in pain slightly. “It’ll only hurt for a minute baby” you consoled, your thumb rolled against her nub in hopes of distracting her from the dulling pain. You circled your lips around the quivering bud, tugging it gently. Mitsuri sobbed quietly, your fingers scissoring inside of her, just brushing that special spot she yearned for you to touch. You were relentless; edging her closer to her release with each swirl and thrust.

You couldn’t help but giggle at the girl writhing on the stone floor in front of you.. Her face was flushed and her brows knitted tightly in ecstasy, sweat mingled with the drying water that cascaded down her milky skin. Her knotted tresses sprawled out on the floor, while her own manicured tips gripped your roots yanking from time to time- Mitsuri’s fucked out image was stunning.

Swiftly, you hoist her legs over your shoulders, the new angle giving you easy access to her g-spot, ready to abuse. Mitsuri’s muscles constricted in a feeble attempt to keep herself from suffocating you- if you were going to die, there would be no better way then to be suffocated by your girlfriend. . “Go wild baby” your sinful smirk pushed her over her limit. Her moans sprunge free and breathy from her puffy parted lips, her eyes locked on your bobbing head as she held you in place with a firm grasp, feet digging into your shoulder blades. She came hard, a string of cries and stuttering “Y-Y/n”. You drank every drop of her salty-sweet slick, Mitsuri ground her hips against your face, riding out her climax.

You savored the lingering taste on your tongue, cleaning the glistening residue off your chin with the back of your hand only to wipe it away with your tongue. A shiver passed through your spin as the chill air tickled your damp body, clambering out of the heated water at last, slithering up Mitsuri’s spent body slouched against the stone. “You were so good for me baby” you smiled softly, petting her unruly hair. “It's the least I could do, you always treat me right my Love” she mumbled wearing an exhausted expression. You relished in the feel of your slippery, bare bodies pressed flush against each other for only a moment before moving to stand. “Wait.” Mitsuri moved to clutch your hand, “what about you?” she huffed wistful, round eyes. “Don’t worry about me princess, you’re body’s spent” you reached for a dry towel, engulfing Mitsuri’s shivering form in its warmth. “Besides, there’s always tomorrow” you baited with a seductive glare.

You woke up alone, Mitsuri’s flowery scent already fading from your shared space. You groaned, rubbing your sore knees, the rocks from last night really did a number on the tender skin. “Where is she?” you thought, scrambling out of the mess of bed sheet.

“Morning” you grumbled to the gaggle of Hashira’s, all baring a creepy knowing smile. You watched confused when Shinobu spoke up, “I heard you had a pleasant time in the springs last night” her eyes hiding something sinister. “Yes! We could hear all your gasping laughter from our side of the wall!” Rengoku added, sporting his own grin as Uzui’s wolfish laughter shook the room. “I’m going to find Mitsuri” you shouted exiting, “Oh she went to go shower, she said she was dirty” your face flushed- They fucking knew.

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2dmenenthusiast · 4 years ago

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Let’s be sad together (Peter Parker x Depressed Reader)

A/N PLEASE READ!!: heeey so before we get into this, this story is told in the first person, which I know some people don’t like but I felt it was best for this particular fic because there is some self-hate in here and I didn’t want the reader to feel targetted and make them feel like shit? I hope that made sense. keep in mind this fic deals with themes of DEPRESSION, something I myself struggle with. So if you’re not comfortable with this, please don’t read. I’ve read plenty of x depressed! reader fics, and most of what I read doesn’t do the feelings justice or it romanticises depression. It’s usually like “oh youre depressed? Well i love you and boom youre fixed!” Yeah I hate shit like that lol. But I am certainly not trying to romanticise depression or mental illness by writing this. I wanted to make a fic people like me can relate to, the thoughts and feelings, etc. It was honestly super difficult, I wrote the first draft and completely scrapped it cuz I hated it. I really tried my best here, guys, and I hope you like it. And always remember that you’re not alone and things do eventually get better. It just takes time and a little help. Once again I tried to keep the reader as nuetral as possible so everyone can read! (I fucking suck at titles btw)

Plot: Peter notices something’s been wrong with you lately, and you prepare yourself for the inevitable break-up once he confronts you about it.

Words: 2,562

Warnings: Themes of depression and anxiety, self hate, angst

Loving Peter Parker was absolutely suffocating.

Sometimes I couldn’t decide if dating him was the worst or best decision I ever made, but I knew one thing for sure. He had me wrapped around his finger, and there was no leaving him even if I tried. Not that I wanted to. Peter is… well, he’s perfect. Sure, he’s dorky and can ramble about technical stuff that I can’t even begin to understand for hours on end, but if anything, those things only added to the list of reasons why he’s perfect. Oh, and he’s Spiderman. My boyfriend is Spiderman. In other words, nights were spent worrying about whether he’d make it home safely or not, and some were spent patching him up when he came knocking on my window after a particularly bad fight. He made me happy. Happier than I had ever been probably. So… why did I still feel this way?

At first, a part of me thought that being with Peter would… fix things, I guess. That maybe if I was in a relationship, it would cause all the rushing thoughts inside my head to go away. And at first, it did help. There were more nights that I could sleep peacefully, and there wasn’t a constant feeling of anxiousness sitting in my stomach. But of course, that relief never lasted long. I knew it wouldn’t, but a part of me hoped it would.

Overthinking had always been an issue. Every situation had a “what if,” and this was no different. Thoughts of Peter leaving me began to occupy my mind almost every second of every day, and now, rather than feeling relaxed in his presence, I felt a constant feeling of anxiety. Like my heart was stuck in my throat and I couldn’t breathe, an invisible weight crushing my chest. Sometimes I’d get so overwhelmed with my feelings that I’d have to leave the room and calm myself down so that I wouldn’t cry. And other days I’d completely close myself off from everyone, laying in my bed all day and feeling so upset and worthless.

This wasn’t Peter’s fault. No, he treated me like fucking royalty. This was due to my own dumb self and my own dumb emotions and my dumb fucking ways of overthinking shit I shouldn’t even be thinking about. But it’s always been like this, and no amount of listening to sad songs and telling myself everything was going to be okay was going to change that. I wasn’t immune to feeling insecure either. Especially when Peter hung out with his other friends, but I immediately told myself not to think about that stuff. I didn’t want to be that partner that gets jealous of their partner’s friends when I’m not getting every second of their attention. No, thinking that way felt toxic, and that was the last thing I wanted to be.

But sometimes, I couldn’t help those thoughts from sinking in. There were so many people out there. So many people that were funnier and better looking than me… So why did Peter settle for me? Why would he want to date someone with so much fucking baggage? Someone who could barely get out of bed in the morning while already wishing for the day to be over? Someone who thought so fucking little of themselves as a human being? There were times where I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, because those were the days I really hated myself. Sometimes I feel like he fell out of love with me a long time ago and now he won’t leave me because he feels bad, which only made me feel worse for keeping him in a relationship he probably didn’t even want to be in.

I couldn’t say anything to Peter about this. How could I? He would just try to fix everything and I didn’t need fixing. I just wanted him there to reassure me that he loved me as much as I loved him. That he wouldn’t leave me because of how mentally fucked I was. Even if he did tell me those things, I don’t know if I’d even believe him. My mind probably wouldn’t even let me. I imagined if I did try to tell him everything I was feeling, I probably wouldn’t be able to explain it in a way that he could understand. I was just so tired. Tired of waiting for the inevitable moment when Peter would break up with me, and I’d be left with an expected broken heart. I’ve even been preparing for the day it happens so that it doesn’t kill me when it hurts, just like I do with every situation. Rather than give my hopes up and be disappointed, I just assume the worst from the get-go.

I don’t know how it hasn’t happened yet. How he hasn’t noticed the way I just shut down when the day gets hard. How I constantly look like I’m just in my own head, either when all of us are hanging out or when it’s just me and him. I want him to know. I want to tell him all the shit that’s running through my mind, but a part of me is terrified that I’ll just scare him away. So I just pretend it’s fine. Like I’m not ready to bust and rip open at the seams.

Today was another one of those days where I just felt like locking myself in my room and never coming out. However, the usual excuse of “I just don’t feel good,” didn’t work on Peter this time. He knew that there was something wrong. I could see it in the way he looked at me. I thought I had gotten away with it at first, laying in my bed and mindlessly scrolling on my phone, not even present in my head, just kind of there. But I knew I was screwed when I heard a knock on my window and opened my curtains just to see Peter sitting on the fire escape. I didn’t say anything as I opened the window, just watching as he stumbled into my room while pulling on the sleeves of my hoodie, something I often did when I felt that familiar anxiousness creeping in.

He made sure to shut the window after he was inside, and I immediately shrunk under his gaze when he turned to me, feeling too ashamed to meet his eyes.

“Hey, um…”

He hesitated, and I watched the way he rubbed his palms against his jeans, almost as if he was feeling nervous. I could imagine how he was feeling, though. I was nervous too.

“I know this is kinda abrupt, um… but I just wanted to stop by and you know, make sure you’re feeling okay and all that. I was worried, so…”

Worried? He was worried about me? I blinked a few times, trying to rack my brain for a quick lie I could tell him, but that wasn’t what came out when I spoke.

“Uh… yeah. Yeah, I’m fine, I just… I guess I’ve just been feeling kinda low today.”

I immediately wanted to swallow the words that left my mouth, not believing that I actually willingly let him know that I wasn’t really feeling okay.

“Oh?” He took a step forward, which immediately made me want to take a step back. “How come? Was today just not a good day?”

Peter was so unbelievably sweet and considerate, I almost wanted to cry right then and there. He always treated me so well… but he deserved someone better. Someone that wasn’t me.

“I-I guess? I don’t know, it’s just kinda hard to explain,” I muttered, reaching a hand up to rub the back of my neck that felt strangely warm.

“Do you wanna talk about it? I have plenty of time. I actually left the group to come see you, so I don’t mind listening.”

My eyes slightly widened as my gaze quickly met his, looking at him as if he was crazy. Hell, he just might’ve been if he stopped hanging out with his friends just to see me.

“You… Why would you do that?” I asked softly, my voice almost a whisper as I tried to keep it from trembling.

His brows furrowed and he tilted his head slightly, looking at me almost incredulously as he stepped closer.

“Do I need a reason? I wanted to see you.”

He said it so confidently, as if he was so positive that he rather be spending his time with me than his buddies. It kind of made me feel a bit guilty. He could be spending his time with his friends and having fun, but instead, he was here, and I was trying not to break down in front of him.

“But your friends… wouldn’t you rather hang out with them?” I asked, arms crossing over my chest as if I was protecting myself from something.

Peter just smiled. “I could chill with them any time I want. Why would I skip out on an opportunity to see my baby, hm?”

My hand quickly shot up to cover my mouth, and I could feel tears starting to push through.

“He wouldn’t say that if he knew,” I thought, and it immediately became harder to contain the tears when he closed the short distance between us and placed his hands on my shoulders, his expression clearly one of concern.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

I shook my head, sniffling as I reached up and wiped at my teary eyes.

“I’m fine, I just-”

You’re not. You’re really not fine, y/n. This is not fine.

My walls were quickly crumbling down as a tear slipped down my cheek, which caused more to follow, and I let out a choked sob as Peter placed a hand on the back of my head and gently pulled me into his chest, his other hand running over my back. He didn’t say anything, just let me cry to my heart’s content as I gripped onto the front of his shirt for dear life.

“I… I’m not okay, Peter. Nothing’s okay,” I mumbled into his chest, and he gently pushed me back as he carefully held my face in his hands, thumbs wiping at my tear stained cheeks.

“What’s not okay, y/n? C’mon, talk to me.”

“Everything!” I yelled, and I could tell he was surprised by my sudden outburst as I pulled myself away from his embrace.

“Everything is not okay, Peter. Fuck, I just…” I brought my arm up over my eyes as my bottom lip quivered, my eyes burning as more tears fell. “Everything’s just so hard and I’m so tired. And I’m making everything so complicated for myself, it’s not even anyone’s fault that I’m feeling like this. It’s mine.” I sniffled and wiped at my eyes again, but it did nothing to stop the endless tears that had spent too much time being held in. “A-And I don’t know what to do, Peter. I really don’t. I’m so fucking tired of hurting and I just want the thoughts and feelings to stop. Fuck sometimes I just wish I felt nothing!”

I looked up at Peter when he didn’t say anything, and found that he was just looking at me. There wasn’t any judgement or disgust in his eyes. At least, not from what I could tell. He looked… worried. Maybe even a little sad. Was he upset over what I said? Is he bummed out that he found out what I’m actually like? I let out a sigh and wiped my nose against my sleeve, suddenly finding my feet very interesting as I looked down. The silence was fucking deafening, and in that moment, I wanted to throw myself off the fire escape and into traffic below.

“How long have you felt like this?” Peter suddenly asked, his voice quiet as if he was trying to not startle me.

I hesitantly looked up at him, pulling at my sleeves again as I shrugged my shoulders.

“If you’re talking about all the depressing shit, ever since my early teens, I guess. But um… I’ve been having other thoughts recently. Ever since we got together, actually.”

I winced as soon as the words left my mouth. Would I regret this? Most definitely. Did Peter need to know? No, but he deserved to.

Peter frowned. “Really? Like… what kind of thoughts?”

I sighed and ran a hand down my face.

“Fuck, Peter, I just… You’re Peter Parker. You’re Spiderman! And I’m just-”

“Amazing, beautiful, the best partner I could ever ask for. Should I go on?” he asked with a small smirk, and I let out an amused huff as I placed a hand against his chest and lightly pushed him.

“I’m serious, Peter. I’m just… I’m fucked up, okay? Nothing about me is normal, hell the thoughts I have certainly aren’t. And I doubt you wanna be with someone who has so much shit going on with them-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Peter interrupted, waving his hands in front of my face. “Who said anything about me not wanting to be with you?”

I scoffed. “I mean, it’s a no brainer, Peter. You saw me just now. I mean, sometimes I break down over the dumbest shit-”

“It’s not dumb if it makes you upset,” he said, his tone a bit harsh.

I didn’t know how to respond to that. No one had ever really validated my feelings like that before.

“I-”

“No, y/n. Why would you think any of this would be a problem for me? I mean… No, nevermind, I understand why you would think that. You can’t help it right? But listen to me.” He placed his hands on my arms, making sure I was focusing on him. “No matter how messed up you think you are… you’ll always be my favorite person, y/n. You don’t have to hide how you feel, you don’t need to be scared. If you’re having a bad day, tell me, and we can have a bad day together. We can lay in bed all day and munch on food that will probably take years off of our life, we can do anything you want. Just tell me, okay? If something ever happened to you… shit, y/n.”

He then pulled me into a bone crushing hug, holding onto me as if I’d disappear if he let me go.

“That’s my worst nightmare. I could handle being kicked out of the avengers or any other terrible stuff. But losing you? Just thinking about it breaks my heart, baby.”

I felt the tears rising once again as I took in what he said, not used to hearing someone say these things to me. Leave it to Peter Parker to make me feel completely vulnerable and open, something I usually hated. I immediately relaxed in his embrace, letting out a soft cry as my arms wrapped around his waist and I buried my face in his neck.

“I love you, Peter,” I muttered softly, my heart skipping when I felt Peter’s lips against my temple, smiling against my skin.

“I love you too, y/n. Please don’t ever forget that.”

Maybe opening up a bit wasn’t the worst thing that could happen.

#peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #peter parker imagine #spiderman imagine #spiderman fanfiction #peter parker fanfiction #reader insert #x reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #marvel fanfiction #peter parker x depressed!reader

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loveactionsspeaklouder · 3 years ago

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we belong together - kylian mbappé and julian draxler fanfic

9 | Hurdles

january 2024| paris

"I still can't believe this," Ruby chuckled, showing Molly the photo on her phone. She sipped her water (I know, shocking) and shook her head, rolling her eyes and turning to face the TV. It had been four weeks since the news had broken about Rosalie's pregnancy and the end of Molly and Kylian's affair. She didn't feel right continuing it knowing he was going to be a father. After her mini breakdown, she was ambushed with all these feelings, emotions she hadn't felt in over a year. "What do you think?"

"It's cute," Molly started. "I'm not really bothered," she shrugged. Ruby eyed the brunette; she noticed how different she was, it was starting to feel like the woman she was three years ago, was finally returning. "He has his life and I have mine, that's it."

For once, Molly wasn't lying. Most people were expecting the news of the engagement to break her, but it had a totally different effect on her. She was starting to feel comfortable in her skin again; she wasn't scared to cry or feel upset, she found herself crying a lot more (only when she thought of her dad) and continuing to keep falling in love with Adam. The old Molly, was starting to make a comeback.

....

january 2024| paris

It was ten in the evening; Molly and Julian were quietly laying in her bed having spent the past few hours entangling themselves in the sheets. He had a protective arm around her waist, she rested her head on his chest. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she smiled and kissed his jaw. Adam was away for work; Molly had decided to call Julian for a catch-up, a few glasses of wine, serious conversations and tears later, they found themselves unable to keep their hands of each other. It was something that they both didn't expect to happen, but they didn't regret it. "Are you?"

"Of course," Julian cheekily grinned. He leaned forward and pushed Molly's hair out of her eyes, pressing a quick kiss to her lips. She rolled on her stomach and rested her head on her hands, gazing up at the German. "I like this side of you."

She felt her cheeks warm, she lowered her head and kissed his bare shoulder. "What sides that?"

"The cheeky, sexy, gentle side," Julian winked. Softly, he traced a finger across her cheek and then her bottom lip, she closed her eyes and breathed in. "Why did you change her? I missed her."

Molly ignored the way his words made her heart pound, instead releasing the breath she didn't realise she was still holding. "She was an emotional wreck, everything happened at once and I felt like I was alone and nobody loved me."

Julian closed his eyes, remembering the various conversations he had shared with the brunette over the past two years. He kept his eyes closed, sighing before he spoke. "Molly, so many people love you. I know this because I'm one of them," he opened his eyes and held her face in his hands. "I know what you went through was tough, but that doesn't mean you have to erase everything about yourself."

"Was I really that bad?"

"Yes," he exhaled. He kissed her nose and rested his forehead against hers. "It was scary but I knew you were still in there. Although I don't agree with what you're doing to Adam, either break-up with him or stop cheating!"

She swallowed and rolled her eyes. He was right; the new Molly would have responded with a sassy comeback, but she was long gone, the old Molly was left speechless. She leaned forward and kissed him, climbing onto his lap to straddle him. He chuckled and squeezed her hips before speaking again. "What are you thinking about?"

"How screwed up I am," she groaned. Julian pinched her cheek and grinned. "I need help."

"Don't we all," he sniggered. She playfully glared and ran her hands down his bare chest. They stayed silent for a few minutes, watching each other's eyes. "Remember how we used to sit like this in silence and nearly miss work," he laughed. "I couldn't stop staring at you. Hearing you laugh at one of my lame jokes. Watching you nearly roll your eyes out of your head. Physically you are beautiful, but inside is my favourite part of you. You have no clue how breathtaking you are."

Molly's eyes glossed over, Julian watched and tucked some hair behind her ear. He pulled her closer and passionately kissed her like it was their first time, putting every ounce of emotion in his body into it. He licked her bottom lip, asking for entrance, she agreed. Their make-out session lasted a few long minutes. "Julian," she moaned, breaking away. She kissed the side of his mouth. "Thank you."

....

january 2024| paris

Molly was watching TV in her apartment. It was a Friday night and she was sat scrolling through her Instagram jealous of everybody's going-out pictures. She rolled her eyes and chucked her phone on the couch; she was already upset that she was alone on a Friday night, she didn't need her mood to worsen. Adam was away on business; she started to find it weird how many trips he took, secretly, she hoped he was seeing somebody behind her back. She heard a knock on her door, finally some company, she thought. "Can I come in?"

She tapped a finger on her chin, pondering her answer. Kylian was getting impatient, he came to see her for one reason and he wasn't waiting around. "Please Molly, I need to speak to you," he pleaded. She nodded and allowed him to walk through the door. "You look good."

"How's your fiancé?" Molly sassed. She was slightly starting to regret her short affair with Kylian; she didn't know why, but she felt sorry for Rosalie. And this is why you turned off your feelings, she internally rolled her eyes.

Kylian was quiet for a few moments. "She's doing well," he paused. "I still can't believe I'm going to be a father, it's quite surreal," he bit his lip, watching as Molly looked at the floor. "How've you been?"

"Did I do something wrong?" she suddenly blurted. He cocked his head and chewed his lip, confused at her question. It wasn't like it was you who got Rosalie pregnant, he thought. He knew that if he wasn't going to be a father, their affair would still have carried on.

"What do you mean?"

"You chose Rosalie over me," Molly sighed. Kylian looked at the floor and exhaled, running his hands over his face before he gazed at her, her eyes were glossy. "You chose her at the start; you could have told me how you felt, but you didn't. Then when I really needed you, you left me and chose her again. You always keep going back to her."

"Moll, please don't do this no..."

"Do what?" she interrupted. "You can question me, but I can't do it to you? Is there something wrong with me?"

"No," he scoffed. Kylian stood up and walked closer to where Molly was sat, he sat next to her and cupped her cheeks. "You are perfect; you're beautiful, funny, caring, you made it easy to fall in love with you. But I can't answer your question, because I don't know the answer myself."

He kissed the corner of her mouth, softly stroking her cheek. She tried not to cry, blinking away a few tears. Before she could respond, they were interrupted by the ringtone of her phone. Kylian glanced over and saw it was Julian. Julian, he remembered, it was the sole reason he had come to see Molly. She declined the call and sent him a quick message.

"What's going on with you and Julian?" he questioned. He tried not to show it, but he was extremely jealous. Molly looked at him and frowned, she pushed his hands away and walked to her kitchen table. "That's the reason I came to see you."

"Here was me thinking you wanted to resume our affair,' she cynically smiled. She rested her arms on the marble surface and stared at the Frenchman. He rolled his eyes and walked closer to her. "Shall we fuck right here or in the bedr..."

"Stop playing games Molly," Kylian growled. He grabbed her wrists and pinned her to the table. "Are you fucking him?"

"Yes," she shrugged. He glared at her and released her from his grip, walking away. "But it's different then it was with you, I think I'm starting to like him again."

Kylian punched the wall, taking deep breaths to control his growing anger. "Fuck," he muttered. He held the door handle and turned back to face Molly, he could see the fear in her eyes. "If you don't tell Adam, then I will."

Before she could reply, he slammed the door and left. She fell to the floor and started crying and for once, it was real tears. She felt her heart break all over again. She hated Kylian, she loved Adam but she liked Julian. She pulled herself off the floor and went to bed, she was hoping her life wasn't about to spiral out of control again. She didn't want to become the emotionless person she trained herself up for again, she was starting to feel comfortable in her skin again. She knew she needed to make some decisions and she needed to make them quick.

....

a/n: i know, i’m so bad at updating. everything has gone back to normal in my country, so i’m balancing work/writing/updating and it isn’t working lol.

but, back to the story.. i hope to update again this week. so kylian knows about molly and julian (and he’s not happy!!!!)

love always, stay safe xxx

#Kylian Mbappe #julian draxler #fanfiction #fanfic #football #psg #Paris Saint Germain #Football Fanfiction #football imagine #imagine #kylian mbappe imagine #julian draxler imagine

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bread-tab · 3 years ago

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i got my second covid shot on tuesday and forgot to post in celebration, so i'll do that later lol. they gave me a sticker with the nevada flag on it and everything! so patriotic

the side effects have been hitting me hard. today i was meant to go to work but i fell back asleep after my alarm went off and woke up 15 minutes before my shift was supposed to start and then spent ten minutes looking for my pants before realizing i still felt terrible, didn't have time to shower, was going to be very late even if i did find my pants and this is not the kind of abusive workplace i've had before where they threatened to fire you if you dared call in sick. so i called in 5 minutes before i was supposed to be there. not ideal but better than nothing. and better than showing up half an hour late looking and feeling like i'd been dragged out from under a mossy rock

my brain is scattered to the four ends of the earth today and i thought it was hilarious that i called in because i couldn't find my pants. this did not come across well to my parents. my dad actually said "you need to be more responsible." so i was like, okay, hang on, i did not actually call in sick because of the pants. the pants are a symptom of a greater problem here. i actually still have a massive headache, brain fog, malaise and fatigue. smh parents please have more faith in me

so now i'm dealing with imposter syndrome over feeling sick. that's ridiculous. totally understandable given the circumstances, though. *gestures vaguely toward the trauma piled in the corner*

i'm cautiously optimistic about this job, it's not perfect, but my new boss is probably the actual best manager i've ever had and seems to genuinely respect his employees. we'll see how it goes when i'm out of training but i have a good feeling

i can forgive my dad for his attitude given that he's chronically ill and forces himself to go to work anyway for 3/4 of the year. he still shouldn't give me shit about my decisions. but i choose to forgive the collateral damage i've taken from his trauma for the time being; we can address that after he gets out of survival mode. and my mom probably isn't judging me as much as i think, it's just hard to tell because she has flat affect a lot of the time.

on the other other hand i'm rescinding the forgiveness and acceptance i felt in the past toward my shitty workplaces and the school system for making me feel like being sick sometimes was a moral failing. screw your 100% attendance records. fuck you for saying you would give me a raise and then never doing so because i didn't meet "performance standards." every organization that said they cared about me and then punished me for needing help and care owes me either an apology or 1 million dollars

i doubt either of those is ever going to happen but i can dream. and i will dream, and i will ponder more over the ways this industrial society i live in has forgotten how to take care of its people and what i can do to change that. but for now i'm left with the task of putting my own little broken pieces back together. sometimes taking on the whole world seems easier than healing.

every day i struggle under a burden of fear. i'm afraid of failing. it's a chain that comes attached to every responsibility i take on, no matter how gladly. today's responsibility is to forgive myself. for feeling sick, for being imperfect, for feeling fear, for coping in ways that have hurt me in the long run, for feeling pain and not being able to save myself alone. for needing help. for needing anything. and shall i fear failing to forgive myself?

yeah, i think i shall. but it's impossible to do that without feeling the irony. what do i have to lose?

i must stop punishing myself for existing. i should start rewarding myself instead.

also, i should find my pants

#venting #personal #coping #breadtab life #trauma #adhd feels #swearing cn #parents cn #covid mention #abuse mention #illness mention #long post #this headache is terrible #for some reason out of every symptom i have headaches are the thing i tend to blame myself for #it must be because i didn't drink enough water or eat right or get to sleep when i should have or had bad posture or looked at screens #and like yeah those things contribute #but generally speaking they are also caused by whatever's actually causing the headache #i did not in fact do anything to deserve this #bodies just suck sometimes

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the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see · 3 years ago

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literally! i could go on a whole rant about my family back in india, but i’ll save you the horrible details. sexist, homophobic and racist assholes but they’re family and ridiculously charming so sometimes you can’t help but like them a little bit occasionally.

i remember being young and instantly wanting to label myself which obviously didn’t turn out to well. in a weird way i felt like i couldn’t ever “come out” to anyone- like it wasn’t until dan’s video that it rlly clicked that my identity as a lgbt person didn’t have to rely on labels. sorry that got deep, but i’m queer and i love it. just a baby queer 🥺🏳️‍🌈

ahhhh i hate to say it but you’re missing out! there’s a lot of rlly well written fics and cute headcannons :)

also yes there is a dnp in every universe. magnus is more like theatrical so like dan vibes. and ig phil is a bit more quiet and awkward? phil would also be catastrophic with a bow and arrow here let’s be honest. in conclusion, there is a dnp in every universe but phil somehow always gets himself in trouble (the man ate superglue for gods sake)

istg the first time i watch a joint video everything goes over my head cause i’m just freaking out over them and it’s only till like the third time when i start registering things lmao. (also dan video!! it’s going to be my first dinof upload!!)

a.. a toilet museum for the piece of shits we are. babe!!! you know me so well! *wipes away tears*

awhh tree you missed me! (also we’re newlyweds we’re allowed to be clingy on main smh. also i forget other people can read these lmao. shout out to the confused bystanders and lurkers!)

anyways, ilysm <3

mwah! (here’s your kiss)

- indi <3 <3

(with an extra long reunion hug cause i missed you loads)

p.s- guess what? i think you’re hilarious too :) (mwah! surprise kiss!)

no but you got it exactly right, i hate the things they say and do 90% of the time, but they'll say one (1) thing thats okay and im immediately back at square one loving them. it feels so weird sometimes to know they hate parts of me and love other parts, but i guess i kind of do that as well, and honestly im never going to be smart enough to sit down and figure it out, so i might as well roll with it

it was the same for me -- as soon as i figured out i was queer i instantly slapped labels on myself and interchanged them when they didnt fit faster than swatting a fly, which probably wasnt that great for my mental health at the time, and it was only after i spent two hours googling different labels and realizing i had literally tried all of the ones i'd been seeing that i was like oh screw it and legit a week later i was like why the FUCK didnt i do this before bc i was so much happier with a broad label to call myself and no label in my head than i ever was trying to mold myself into one. i love being queer tooooo!! best part about having such a broad definition of yourself is relating to everyone and not feeling like one group "owns" you more than the other. it quite literally is "you gay??? i gay!!! yay!!!!!"

no yeah im definitely going to read some (when i remember lol. symbrock owns my heart rn) if theyre Like That in the books i can only imagine fics 😌 malec my beloved (also looking forward to finding malex fics mixed between, like rick i know you're a cassie stan but maybe chill lol) (ah that reminds me, i just got chain of iron and the dedication 🥺 author besties are the best, i cant wait to read it) (but goddamn, its so Thicc, its one huge book)

gods, if i had any art skills whatsoever i would draw dan with warlock robes and cat eyes, plus can you imagine phil with runes and a seraph? wouldnt even have to change anything bc phil has black hair and blue eyes and magnus has brown hair 😌 they really are in every universe through and through. plus, alec is pretty clumsy too, hes mostly good with a bow bc of his sure-strike runes and etc, so theres still hope for phil. and i can definitely see dan being like "ugh shadowhunters get them out- oh? shadowhunter pretty? mine"

no but actually, i also watch them in a state of shock and wouldnt be able to answer any questions whatsoever about it until the third rewatch. honestly if it weren't for so many people live-reacting i would have absolutely no clue what's going on (ahhh your first dan video!! you are about to love your dinof virginity, i hope youre prepared 😌 glad its a full-out production for the post-big phannies bc honestly yall deserve a comeback in style)

*blushes* aw shucks. well, we got married for a reason, didnt we? 🥰

☺ i did miss youuu 🥺 (you jest but i'd be that annoying friend whos like you wanna know what my spouse did yesterday *no* oh well, they- and do that for at least a year, lmao. i also forget other people read these, it's like what??? no we were whispering?? shout out to the non-indians reading our telugu rants and quietly muttering whatthefuckwhatthefuck under their breaths, we're not on drugs i promise)

ily toooo <3

mwah mwah, i missed you so you get two <3

(*hugs you back really hard bc i missed you too*)

ilysm indi <3

😊🥰🥺 awww thank youuuu (ah! you got me again!! mwah) <3

#asks #indiphannon #the tree speaks

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imsofthelp · 5 years ago

Text

Eijirou Kirishima x f!reader

Category: angst

Warnings: suicide (nothing graphic) slight cursing, mentions of sex under the cut

Word count: 2,881

Summary: Kirishima's journey of learning how to live without you and the fault he feels for your decision.

A.n: This is told from Kirishima's POV, the character Daichi is completly random and has nothing to do with bnha lol. Things have been... Kinda bad lately, so I guess it's my way of ranting. Hope ya'll like it!

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

There’s a few Astilbes in a tall vase on my bedside table. There’s this sweet smell coming from them, but it’s masked by the scent of a strong vanilla cologne.

It’s cold in the room because I can’t make myself get up to close the window, which lets ice cold air from the darkness to leak in.

I’m talking with her on the phone while wrapping the phone charger around my finger, untangling then twirling it again. My fingers remembered it as a routine during the hour we spent talking.

Even if her words are joyful, even if she’s talking about how’s school been and how she spent today studying at this super cute coffee shop with her friends, her voice feels heavy. Heavy with something she doesn’t want to show me. Something that she tries to hide under her stuttering laugh and stories.

But I’m not stupid. I can hear hints of pain stabbing her in the “It was fun” like sharp knives, and her “My new classmates are awesome!” covered by a mask of longing.

I want to help her, but my throat is dry and my tongue feels like it’s tied. I am held back by my own insecurities and doubts - I don’t want her to think that I’m an idiot or that I’m not minding my own bussiness.

“Eijirou? You still there?” she asks, oddly calm.

I wake up from my little trance. It seems like I got lost in the halls of my mind again. I feel a bit guilty. Did she tell me something important?

“Sorry, I got carried away for a second,”

There’s silence on her end of the line. A sigh soon rolls off the silence. I screwed up again.

“No, it’s okay. Nothing important.”

I hold my breath. What did she say? The smartest thing to do right now is just ask her-

“I will go now. Thanks for the convo, though,”

My teeth catch my bottom lip and I bite it. Idiot. I’m a fucking idiot.

There’s silence staying on the phone with me for a while until a quiet beep announces the call ending.

I couldn’t really sleep that night.

Somewhere near midnight, the line between sleep and search for comfort within the spots of the celling, in the stripes of the wallpaper or the folds of the blanket, blurs.

I don’t know when did I fall asleep but I think I saw angels, or maybe, just soft rays of sun, flooding into the room through curtainless windows.

I’m thinking about her. I’m thinking about how’s her day going and if she got any new opportunities to join a big agency.

Calendar on the wall shows that today is 11th of April, 2022.

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

Time as a pro-hero flies fast. Now I have a lot of problems, or maybe, just more than I had when I was at school. I don’t bother to remember the names or faces of people. Don’t want to.

Bakugou says that I’ve changed and that others are really worried, but I just bury myself in more work.

I can’t tell when a patrol starts and ends or the voices of villains and other heroes. It all blurs into one mess that lays on my shoulders like a dark cloud.

I come back home with an empty head and a full work shedule.

While I try to watch TV, not minding the buzzing on the other side of window and in my head, the bouquet of pink Camellias in the vase seem to stare at me.

I try not to mind themuntil a delicate petal falls on my arm. I don’t know how to keep flowers. Maybe I should stop buying them - they seem to not like my place.

I try to change the water, hoping that this would fix everything, and then I go back to mindessly watching tv.

I wait. Laying in my bed, a soft blanket wrapped around me as I desperately search for any warmth. I wait. Tick Tock.

Then there’s only one minute left of waiting and that minute soons ends as my phone rings, throwing me out of my endless thoughts.

“Hey!”

“Hello! How are you? How was hero work today?”

Her voice sounds different today. A lot brighter, like she has a smile on her face as she’s talking and I feel myself smiling too.

“It’s good, it’s good... Hero work is hard, as always. I’ve got a nasty case, dealing with some shitty drug dealers. It’d be better if you told me about your day.”

She stays quiet for a moment. It feels as if she’s holding her breath and, for a moment, I hold mine too. As if we’re underwater in our own safe bubble, where no one else can reach us.

“Everything’s very good. Great, even,” she finally answers and our bubble bursts.

“How did that audition go?”

“Uhm, I didn’t go.”

I frown, not even knowing what to say. She wouldn’t shut up about that audition, how the hero that ran it shared her opinions and ideals, how that place was just a dream, how-

“Why?” I trap all of my thoughts in that simple word.

“Just thought it wasn’t worth it,”

I wrap my finger around the phone charger and unwrap it again.

“Why?” I repeat my question again, dumbfounded.

“Dunno, maybe that place wasn’t that fit for me after all.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

After that silence follows. Then we talk some more about work, but it seems that conversation just doesn’t flow freely tonight. I drag it out like bubblegum that’s not meant to stretch this far.

“I’m coming back for a few days soon.”

I almost jump up. Don’t know if it’s from excitment or from shock. I haven’t seen her for a year.

“Wait, really?” I ask, finding it hard to believe.

“Yeah, and I have a huge favor to ask.”

“Anything.”

“Could I crash at your place while I’m here?”

My heart jumps with excitment. She’s more than welcome to stay. My heart aches just at the thought about an opportunity to see her.

I suddenly remember that she’s still waiting for my answer.

“Yeah sure! Just give me a message when you have the date set.”

She sighs with relief,

“You’re the best, Eijirou.”

The way she says my name makes a blush creep up my checks,

“Don’t mention it.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Just like that, the call ends and I’m left with pleasant silence. Tonight I don’t feel lonely.

The calendar shows 11th of April, 2023.

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

It’s a few weeks of waiting until she grants her promise. She stands at my door, more beautiful than ever and for a second, I doubt if that’s just a vision, but after she flashes one of her sunshine smiles I instantly know that she’s real. She’s there and she’s real.

I pull her into a tight embrace, burying my face in her hair. Words cannot describe how much I missed her.

I give her a bunch of red Chrysanthemums and I instantly knew it was worth getting to the flower shop so early in the morning - her smile lights up the room brighter than the sun ever could.

“I missed you, Eijirou,” the name rolls off her plump lips so softly. It gives me the feeling that if I do as much as breathe, I’ll shatter the moment.

We talk all day, watch some TV and then talk some more. The stars shine so bright tonight that we don’t even need lamps. It seems as if they’re enjoying our moment too.

She tells me countless stories and I want to hear each one of them over and over again, her voice makes me feel drunk off my mind.

She talks about struggling with living in a foreign country, about missing me and other friends, about everything that bothers her and I’m here to listen. Soon, I tell her all my secrets and we’re sitting in front of each other pulling away all of our lies.

I don’t know what events lead up to our next step. Truly, it’s all a blur and the only significant thing I can point out is the flowers, gently sitting in the tall glass vase.

We get rid of our clothes, the same way we got rid of our secrets just minutes ago. There’s nothing separating us now and we can and get drunk off each other’s bodies.

Making love with her is tender and sweet, with lots of praises and sweet nothings, she manages to whisper out.

I pause for a second, taking a moment to truly look at her and memorise every inch of her body. From the way her hair is draped on my pillow and her face is so calm, to the way her legs, wrapped around my waist try to pull me as close as possible.

We spend the night naked, flush against each other, finally free of everything. If only for a moment.

The calendar shows 14th of May, 2023.

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

When my phone rings again, I’m putting a bunch of yellow Zinnias into the vase. The flowers that I had before them have already wilted so I threw them away.

I sigh, expecting another call from her brother, who suddenly became worried about her like two weeks ago, or maybe someone from the former Bakusquad.

When I see her name on my phone I pick it up faster than I never knew I could.

“Eijirou...”

I haven’t heard her voice in so long, it almost feels surreal. I want her to repeat my name, slowly, so that could remember every syllable she says and repeat it on my mind forever.

“Is everything okay? I was so worried!”

Her voice cracks. I hear a quiet sniffle that she tries to hide.

“No, actually... No... I don’t like it there, I want to go home.”

All the other emotion in my body are conquered by pain. It’s so good to hear her, but it hurts so much to hear her voice is filled with sorrow I wished she would never experience. I want her to come back. I don’t care how selfish it is.

“I can’t... You know I can’t,”

I blink. I want to tell her, but my tongue feels heavy and all my words begin to slur.

I wake up with a jump. My shirt is flushed against my back and my whole body is covered in goosebumps. I snake my arms around myself, desperately seeking any kind of warmth.

My phone is turned off and the calendar shows 11th of April, 2024.

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

I put red and white striped Carnations in a vase. Flowers from before are dead, as always.

Work goes by the same as always and while I’m sitting down trying to finish tomorrow’s plans, I wait for a call.

Time goes by, but it doesn’t ring. Tick tock. She always calls at the same time.

She used to call at the same time, my mind corrects. I push that thought into the deepest part of my brain, never to be found again.

Tick tock. That’s how another hour goes by, filled with walking from one end of the room to the other and checking my phone again and again.

I don’t get a call.

The other three weeks are tense. The bags under my eyes are filled with darkness from staring at the windows during long, sleepless nights, searching for answers from the dark and dim stars. Answers that none of them want to give to me.

When I get a call, my clock shows that it’s almost 4am.

“Y/N?” I ask, my voice colored by hopeful hues. Droplets of sleep still hang on my lips.

“No, dude it’s Daichi.”

I grit my teeth. I’m not mad at him. I’m not mad at him for calling me, I’m not mad at him...

I’m mad because he’s not Y/N.

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to ask something about Y/N,”

“Eh?”

And what about her? For me to tell him what Y/N thought of him? To tell him that he was a bad brother? To tell him that his sister left because his family sucks?

“You’re her best friend.”

“Was.”

“What?”

“Was her best friend.”

“Yeah...”

“And?”

“And you.. Well you... Well she probably told you...”

“She didn’t,”

My answer is cold and what would put an end to this conversation.

“She... didn’t?”

He obviously doesn’t know when it’s time to end a conversation.

“Daichi, are you drunk?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Why are you calling me at 4am?”

He doesn’t say anything for a moment. Maybe it’s the only aspect he and his sister share - that small little doubt, showing that they’re never sure of what to say.

“Because I don’t u-understand,” he hiccups.

“What?”

Then his voice breaks, like a ship that’s slowly claimed by the waves to be sunken forever.

“Eijirou... Eijirou... I don’t understand why she left... Eijirou, was it really bad for her? Was it that bad that she couldn’t tell anyone?”

I bite my bottom lip until I feel a hot droplet of blood running down my chin. What do I say to him? That she was trying to tell them? That they didn’t listen? That none of us did?

“It’s not your fault, Daichi. Go to sleep,”

“But...”

“We’ll talk again tomorrow if you want to. Now go to sleep.”

“Okay, thanks.”

“Yeah.”

I end the call and fall back to my bed. My bed is incredibly cold and unwelcoming. I slump my way towards the kitchen and sit there until the first droplets of liquid gold begin to pour inside.

Calendar shows 11th of April, 2025.

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

I put Cyclamens in the vase. It’s the day we meet again. I don’t know what to hope for and while I’m going, my insecurities and fears follow close, only to disappear as soon as i see her.

She looks like a goddess. Her hair like rays of sunshine that found their place in the waves of locks on her head, her skin seems to shine, like it’s been kissed by stars and her smile only compliments her beauty.

Nothing’s changed but when I come closer, I notice that her eyes are different. All the happiness and joy is drained and now they’re empty. No, not empty... Just filled with something I can’t quite identify.

“It’s you...” I manage to whisper and before I start feeling like an idiot, she laughs with that wonderful laugh wrapping me with the feeling of safety, telling me that everything’s okay.

“It’s me.” she confirms and puts her forehead against mine. We drown in the silence, away from everything.

“I often wonder why you did that.”

She pulls away and her hands find their place on the back of my neck, as if we’re dancing, “I did it for myself.”

I sigh, “I don’t understand it. I don't understand it, Y/N,”

My hands dance on her waist, not finding their place.

“I wasn’t happy, Eijirou. I wasn’t happy there.”

I sigh again and pull her against my body. She smells like vanilla and clean laundry,

“Could I’ve made you happy?” I quietly ask and she raises her glance. Her empty eyes that pulled me in so strongly.

“No, it’s not your fault, Eijirou,” she answers and wipes away my tears that I didn’t even know were falling, “I did it for myself, I did it so I could be happy. Eijirou, I feel good now.”

I look up to the bright blue sky. There’s only one cloud there.

I take in a stuttering breath.

“Wasn’t there anything I could do?” Tears now flow freely as I try to not look at her. Somewhere deep inside I know this isn’t real and I’m afraid that she’ll disappear if I look at her for too long.

She takes my face into her hands, softly stroking it with one hand. Her glance is soft and for a moment, I see the Y/N I used to know before.

“All you can do right now is forgive me,” she whispers and I pet her silky hair, “And forgive yourself, Eijirou. You can’t carry the guilt of other people’s choices. You can’t live with a fault that isn’t your’s.”

That’s the last time I hear her voice.

When I wake up, I see her face right before my eyes but it’s not a ghost who drags a trail of unanswered questions after itself. No, it’s now a person I once loved so much. A person that I couldn’t hate for leaving me in pieces of my former self.

There’s a bunch of yellow Daffodils and Forget-Me-Not’s in my hands. Forget-Me-Not’s for a promise, that she’ll always be dear to me and Daffodils - the second promise, that I will finally start everything over again.

I leave the flowers on her grave, which I finally visited after two years.

It’s time to forgive her. It’s time to forgive myself.

I come back home and check the calendar for the last time. My new beginning is on 11th of April, 2026. Two years after her death.

“The sun will rise, and we will try again,” she used to say. With those words, I breathe in and peel the calendar page off.

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

As always, thanks @velvet-kissesss for editing!

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thepropertylovers · 4 years ago

Text

The First Night I Ever Spent With My Husband

10 years ago on this day, we spent the night together for the first time in PJ’s 600 sq ft house after texting each other for two days straight. How has it already been a decade? At the same time, it feels like it’s been 100 years. Here’s how it all went down…

We had been texting for the past two days and I was a nervous wreck. I had never told anyone I was gay before, and to be honest, I never thought I would. After I told PJ (whom I had a crush on for the past four years) that I was gay, I had these knots in my stomach all day and night, so much so that I couldn’t even eat. I had confided in him, basically a stranger at the time, something I hadn’t told even my best friend or my family. It was an exciting and scary time, but I knew that I was grateful that I had found someone in my small, southern town that I could be honest with.

After coming out to him, and him confirming to me that he was gay, too (after years of speculation on my part!), he invited me to spend the night at his house that he had bought with his ex-boyfriend and renovated himself from top to bottom. They had only broken up maybe three days before, so the wound of recent heartache was still fresh for him. What was going to happen?! I didn’t let my mind fully go there. I was just happy to get an invite to be honest.

I told my mom I was going to spend the night at my friend Zach’s house (a lie I had to tell at 19 years old and still living at home) and she thought nothing of it. I was in the clear. I packed a bag of overnight clothes just in case he really meant it and wanted me to spend the night. Oh! I forgot to tell you. I was questioning everything at this point, and wasn’t even 100% sure PJ really wanted me to come over in the first place. My mind went to dark places like “Is he playing a prank on me and actually going to out me to everyone I know?” and “He has just been entertaining my texts the last few days and doesn’t really even care about me”. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? That’s what years of hiding who you really are will do to you. It can make you question everything and allow your mind to make up crazy scenarios.

But at the same time, I was a skinny 19 year old with tattoos who still lived with his mom. PJ was a successful 24 year old who bought his first house in cash at 22 and fixed up by himself. What did he see in me, I wondered? It felt like it was almost too good to be true. I had spent my whole life dreaming of a life I could live one day, where not hiding who I was wasn’t just the normal, it was the default. I never in a million years thought someone like PJ would be living in my little christian town, openly gay and willing to give me a chance. Looking back 10 years later it’s almost comical, but these were very real thoughts and feelings I had back then.

But back to the night of! I packed my bag, still unsure if I would actually need it or not, told my mom I was at a friend’s, blew off said friend by telling him I couldn’t come out that night (not my proudest moment), and headed to PJ’s little house for the first time ever. After seeing him in passing at our local community college over the years, out in town at restaurants, and maybestalkinghimonMySpace, it had all led up to this moment. I was actually going to the place where PJ McKay ate and slept and called his own. How was this real life? I called him on the way there and, because I had lived in this town forever and knew what was considered the “good” and “bad” part of town, I asked him if we were safe where he lived. He laughed and said he had lived there for two years and never had a problem. For context, the house he was living in cost him $10k to buy. I was worried, but only partially. Nothing, not even a house in a questionable part of town could ruin the thrill and excitement of driving to his home that night. It was, up until that point, the greatest night of my life. What would happen? What would we talk about? What if we had nothing to talk about? My mind was racing now.

I remember how nervous I was and what my expectations were when I walked up to his front porch. I remember feeling like I was about to throw up. I remember wondering if anybody had seen me pull in, or if someone that I knew would recognize my car in his driveway. I was terrified, but also electrified. My heart was racing. We sat on the couch, not very close to each other, but on the same piece of furniture nonetheless. We talked for hours about our pasts, our futures, and life in general. I told him I was bisexual (lol) and that I would probably marry a woman one day. He shrugged and confidently told me that he was gay. He was who he was. He didn’t care.

As the night went on, we decided to watch a movie. “The Jacket” with Adrien Brody. I had never seen it, and maybe he had? I can’t remember, but we put it on and sat there and tried to watch it. We got maybe 15 mins into it before pausing and talking some more. We didn’t have “nothing to talk about” after all. We never finished the movie and, to this day, I still haven’t seen it. Maybe I never will.

At some point that night, his ex-boyfriend drove past his house and, because it was at a dead-end, he pulled in his driveway to turn around. In doing so, he saw my car (though he didn’t know it was mine) and I can only imagine what he thought of the whole situation. I was so scared he would somehow find out the car was mine and tell someone I was there. That was a completely unrealistic scenario (he had no idea what kind of car I drove), but regardless, I was terrified. PJ reassured me he wouldn’t know who’s car it was and that everything was fine. We resumed talking for the next whoknowshowmany hours. Just talking, nothing more and nothing less.

At some point it had gotten to be 3 am somehow and PJ had to be up early for work in the morning. Like 7 am early. It was time for bed. To my surprise and delight, he told me I was welcome to sleep in his bed (!!!!) but warned me that he twists and turns and will probably kick me during the night if I did (womp womp) and that I could sleep in the guest room, but it was up to me. Knowing where my head was that night, can you guess which option I chose? Remember how much of a nervous, question-everything-and-believe-no-one-wreck I was? I took his warning as a sign that he didn’t want me to sleep in the same bed as him, that the night had gone terribly wrong and he never wanted to see me again, let alone sleep together. I chose the guest bedroom.

As you can imagine, I didn’t sleep much that night. I kept asking myself what I was doing there. How did I end up in the guest bedroom of the man I had a crush on for the last 4 years who, after much speculation, actually turned out to be gay like me, and was not only extremely attractive on the outside, but on the inside as well? I secretly hoped he would quietly knock on the door and ask if he could come in and sleep in the same bed. We wouldn’t even have to kiss. Just the feeling of actually sleeping next to a guy that I was attracted to would have been enough for me. I kept checking my phone to see if he had text me asking me to come to his room. After all, we had been texting all day and night for the past two days. Would it be that far off to assume one last good night text would illuminate my phone before I fell asleep?

I never got the text, or the knock at the door, and eventually I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to a quiet, empty house, and still no text. I knew I had blown it. But I remember thinking, as much as I wanted this to work out with PJ and dreamed about what our life could have been like (on the first night! getting way ahead of yourself here, Thomas), just having this one night alone with him, sharing a part of myself that I never had before, was enough for me. If I never see him again, or actually get the chance to kiss him, this was enough.

But then I saw, over on the table, a piece of paper with some scribbles on it, like it was waiting for someone (me) to discover it and read it. But it wasn’t a piece of paper, it was the back of an envelope (a detail that has stuck with me all these years-for some reason I thought it was so cute that he didn’t have a piece of paper to write on so he chose the back of the envelope of an old bill- anything would do, he just had to get his thoughts out on paper) that he probably rummaged around to find before heading out the door. Was I still asleep and dreaming? I thought i screwed everything up the night before. Why was he writing a note for me to wake up to like everything had gone so well? Was he just being nice?

But as soon as I read the letter, my thoughts and fears and doubts subsided and I let out a sigh of relief. Maybe this could be something. Maybe this could actually be something after all. Wouldn’t that be crazy? Because what are the odds I would meet someone in the same small town that I hated growing up in and always wanted to move away from? What are the odds that this 24 year old man would be interested in me in the first place? What are the odds that after all this time we would finally meet each other? I still have the letter and read it from time to time when I’m feeling sentimental:

At the risk of sounding too dramatic, it was like all of my dreams were coming true after so many years of believing I would never come out, fearing I would be in the closet forever. Even after just one night, I felt hope with him, a feeling I would feel every day for the next 10 years with him by my side. I felt hopeful that I could finally be myself to those I loved most. I felt hopeful that maybe I could have a happily ever after in a town that isn’t known for embracing those who are different. I felt hopeful that I could finally show someone how much I could love them completely, how much I had to give. For the first time in my life, I had hope, and it was because of him.

For the next few days, we texted each other nonstop, day and night, and tried to see each other, in secret, as much as possible. And then the days turned into weeks, and we would meet in parking lots and just talk (and sometimes kiss), and I would spend the night at his house and we would watch DVD’s on his laptop on his bed because he didn’t have a TV or internet. And then the weeks turned into months and it became clear very shortly that I wanted to marry this man one day. I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone and I often wondered how I got so lucky to be able to call him mine, because there are a whole lotta guys out there, and was I going to be a good boyfriend? Was I going to be enough for him? Alas, he still chose me. It was an exhilarating and scary and thrilling and hard and wonderful time back then and looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing a decade later.

I saw him as an angel, a savior of sorts, who found me at the exact right time and saved me from a life of hiding who I was, which is no life at all. To me, he was perfect. And still is. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading about a part of my life I will never forget and cherish deeply.

The last 10 years have been filled with so many ups and downs that I’ve lost count. But the truth remains that PJ McKay helped me to be okay with myself. He helped me to be okay with living in the same small town that I hated growing up in but love growing old in with him by my side. He helped me to come out to my family and friends one by one, never pressuring me or forcing me to do anything I didn’t want to do. He helped me to see the world in a different light, to take chances, and to work hard to accomplish my goals. He helped that skinny 19 year old boy with tattoos who still lived at his mom’s house to believe in himself and understand his worth.

My helper. My crush. My realtor. My handyman. My first boyfriend. My husband. Thank you for these past 10 years, Timothy Paul Jasper McKay. What wonderful life it is loving you.

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fallinallincurls · 5 years ago

Text

I Can’t Lose You

some slight angst but mostly fluff (like usual lol)

word count: 2.3k+

~~~~~

Shawn's POV

The haunting silence filled every nook and cranny of the condo, the heavy rain outside the only audible noise seeping through the walls. An empty mug sat on the coffee table next to a picture from our vacation in Mexico, a bleak reminder of happiness.

The memory of what had happened moments ago, replayed through my mind nonstop. The rattling noise of the front door as Y/N slammed it behind her, leaving me with one last glance of her back. My words. The stupid, hurtful words I said not meaning any of it, but my emotions got the better of me. Tears rolling down her cheeks as her eyes pleaded for all of this stop causing tears to prick at the corners of my eyes. I hated seeing her hurt and here I was, responsible for her pain.

Every single moment of the last four years played in my mind. A small, sad smile played at my lips when I thought about certain memories with Y/N. These last four years have been the best time of my life and it was all because of her. Somehow, I got lucky enough to love her everyday and I managed to screw up everything. Dropping my head into my hands, a fresh wave of sadness washed over my body as all the words from the fight flooded my mind. Tears stung my eyes as they slowly fell down my cheeks. I can't believe I did this.

Suddenly, the piercing noise of the familiar ringtone of a phone call split the silence in half. Frustratingly, I ran my hands through my messy curls before reaching over for my phone to see who was calling. As soon as I read the caller ID, my heart dropped. It was Teddy which meant only one thing, Y/N was with her. A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I accepted the call, placing the phone by my ear. "Hey Teddy,"

"Shawn!" Teddy whispered harshly. "I'm not even supposed to be calling you because I'm a good friend, but I don't know what to do. She's never been so upset. She just showed up at my doorstep like half an hour ago, her eyes already puffy from crying so much and just collapsed into my arms exhausted." She hurriedly explained, her voice low but angry. My vision clouded over with new tears as I processed Teddy's words. Sniffling a little before I answered, I tried pulling myself together before speaking again.

"I'm so stupid, T. Everything I said wasn't even true and as soon as the words left my mouth, I immediately regretted it. My emotions got the best of me and I wasn't thinking straight. I love her so damn much it's unbelievable and-" a sob stifled my words for a moment at the thought that just crossed my mind.

"I can't lose her. I'd be a complete mess without her in my life. I mean look at me now. She makes my heart swell with happiness and every moment I've spent with her has been the best time of my life. There's nothing in this entire world that can make me feel how Y/N makes me feel. She's the love of my life. I just- I wished this whole night didn't happen. I screwed up really bad and I regret everything I did. I love her beyond words." My sobs raked through my body at full strength now, hot tears escaping my eyes as I spoke to Teddy through the phone.

"Shawn, you have to tell her all of this. I can drive her home. We'll be there in about forty minutes, okay?" Teddy said quietly, her voice immediately softening after hearing everything I admitted. I nodded quickly before realizing she couldn't see me.

"Okay. Thank you," I hiccuped through my cries as Teddy said goodbye before hanging up, the empty silence filling the condo again. Wiping the tears that stained my cheek away, I rose from the couch and headed into the kitchen, a trail of sniffles following me.

Placing the kettle on the stove, I waited patiently for the water to boil, trying to distract myself from how slow time was passing and the aching pain in my heart. Leaning against the counter, I took a deep breath hoping to stop the tears just as the kettle whistled, signaling the water was ready. Carefully pouring the steaming hot water into my favorite mug, one Y/N had gotten me last year, I dropped a tea bag in and checked my phone. Expecting an empty screen, a strike of shock washed over my face for a moment when I saw Aaliyah’s name.

iMessage from Aaliyah: hey bud. just checking in, I was texting Y/N earlier but she's kinda disappeared for a few hours? hope everything is okay love you x

iMessage to Aaliyah: thanks chica, everything isn't okay right now but it will be soon. love you x

I ran my fingers through my curls again before I locked my phone, slipping it into my pocket and turning back to the mug of hot tea. Tossing the tea bag in the garbage, I carefully held the mug in my hands and pushed open the glass door that led to the outdoor sitting area.

It was Y/N's idea to furnish a little part of the yard and add on a wooden roof extension so we could sit outside and watch thunderstorms together. When it was finished, it looked gorgeous. Large, bright lights outline the roof, illuminating the space beautifully. A dining set was in one corner and a collection of comfy chairs sat opposite it. A long, wicker bench Y/N had insisted on getting for me so I would be able to play guitar out here, sat directly across from the door. Choosing that as my spot while I waited for Y/N to come home, I sat down and listened to the soothing music of the steady rain, snuggling into my hoodie.

Resting my elbows on my knees, I stared into the mug of hot tea as my mind raced. Would Y/N even forgive me? What do I say? How do I explain to her that everything I said was a mistake, that I never meant to hurt her and I immediately regretted every word that left my mouth.

A fresh wave of tears filled my eyes as I focused on both of my hands wrapped around the mug. Just as my tears started slipping down my cheeks again, two beams of bright light washed over the outside sitting area. Looking up while wiping my tears, I saw Teddy's car on the pavement with Y/N sitting in the passenger seat. I hastily placed my mug on the table before standing up and taking a few steps to the edge of the seating area.

Y/N stepped out of the car after hugging Teddy tightly, pulling the hood of my sweatshirt over her head to block the rain from her face. I glanced at Teddy quickly, catching her stern nod but paired it with a light wave. Under the protection of the wooden roof and standing right in front of me, Y/N pulled the hood down, revealing her captivating but now extremely puffy eyes from crying. There was no evidence of a smile on her lips, just sadness in every one of her features. Her cheeks were rosy like always and the look in her eyes was full of exhaustion, but a glint of love sparkled under the soft light.

Without thinking, I scooped her up in my arms, holding her as close as possible to my body, nuzzling my head in the crook of her neck. With no hesitation, Y/N wrapped her arms around me, resting her head on my chest while she sniffled quietly. When we finally parted after what felt like only seconds, Y/N turned briefly to wave to Teddy as I did the same before we sat down on the bench.

"I'm so incredibly sorry, baby. There's so much I have to say to you but I want you to know how sorry I am." My voice was practically a whisper as I spoke, my gaze never leaving hers. Y/N simply nodded, her eyes softening while she fumbled with her fingers in her lap.

"Have you been crying?" She asked suddenly, her voice low as she gently caressed my cheek. I nodded against her palm and a small frown appeared on her lips at the information I told her.

"I didn't mean anything I said. I let my emotions get the best of me which I shouldn't have and because of that I screwed everything up. It was stupid fight that we could've worked through like usual but- but seeing you leave and knowing I hurt you that much broke my heart Y/N. You slammed the door and everything just stopped. I never want to be the reason you're upset, but tonight I was and I'm so sorry. I- I thought I'd lost you and the thought of that ruined me. I can't lose you, ever." My voice was thick as new tears pooled in the corners of my eyes, threatening to fall.

"You're the light and love of my life Y/N. There's no one else in this world like you and somehow I'm lucky enough to love you everyday which is a blessing. There aren't enough words to tell you how in love with you I am. You're my world and the thought of having you out of my life hurts so much. I'd be a mess," I chuckled lightly gesturing to myself as my tears fell before placing my hand on top of hers which was resting on my thigh.

"Shawn, you'll never lose me. Not in a million years, I promise. But it's okay because I messed up tonight too. The whole fight was my fault. After all these years, I thought I would've gotten used to big tours, publicity stunts and being apart from each other for so long but the fact is, I'm not. Even though I'm your biggest supporter and I'll always be so proud of you for everything you accomplish, my heart always hurts so much when I find out you're leaving. It's selfish but it's- it's so hard to be okay when you're not here. It's like a part of me is missing and it is because you're my other half. So I'm also incredibly sorry because I overreacted and got mad over nothing." Y/N admitted and apologized, her voice soft but filled with sadness as her tear filled eyes met mine again.

"I don't want to go, you know." I mumbled, my voice almost getting lost under the loud thumping of the heavy rain. A look of confusion washed over Y/N's face as she processed my words.

"What?" She asked simply, her brows furrowing together trying to understand.

"I don't want to go. Going on tour is amazing, don't get me wrong, but being away from you for so long is heartbreaking. The moment I leave your side at the airport, I'm already missing you and every single time I just want to turn back and go home. Which is why everything I said earlier wasn't true. It seemed like I was angry that you didn't want me to go, but in truth I was really angry because you were right. I don't want to go. I want to be here with you, all the time." I explained, my tears slowing down as a very small smile played at Y/N's lips at the thought of us being together without an interruptions.

"Shawn, this is your decision. Either way, I'll support you. But don't stop living your dreams because of me." Y/N spoke calmly, sniffling between words while she held both my hands, intertwining our fingers.

"Sweetheart, you are the dream." My voice was hushed beneath the rain but Y/N heard the words and instantly closed the space between us with a kiss. It was urgent but sweet like we were making up for lost time.

My heart swelled happily while butterflies exploded in my stomach. Kissing her never got old. Holding her in my arms gently, I felt at home again. She was home. When we pulled away, smiles sat on both of our lips. "I've waited my whole life for a girl like you and now I have you. You're everything I've ever wanted." I mumbled against her lips before kissing her gently again.

"I'm sorry this whole night happened. It was stupid and I'm so sorry about everything. Are we okay?" Y/N said worriedly, her hands running through my curls causing my eyes to close at her touch.

"I'm so sorry about everything. We're okay. I'm so glad you're back home." I whispered, relief evident in my voice as my heart soared. I leaned my forehead against hers for a moment while we held each other peacefully, the rain creating its own melody around us. Y/N squeezed me slightly and when I met her eyes, a wide smile was growing on her lips.

"I love you." She stated simply, nothing but love in her voice as she snuggled in closer to me, the cold sleeping through my hoodie she was wearing.

"I love you too, babygirl. More than anything." I pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head and saw her smile grow, replacing the look of sadness that had been etched onto her face for hours. "Come on love, let's go inside." I pulled away, intertwining our fingers again as we headed back into the house. Settling in the living room under a warm blanket with Y/N cuddling up next to me, I smiled widely. "Thank you for loving me. What would I do without you?" The question fell off my lips while Y/N was carefully tracing the swallow tattoo on my right hand.

"Loving you is the best part of my life so I should be thanking you, babe. I don't know what I do without you either." Y/N answered, her voice low with sleep as her head rested on my chest. And despite all odds, everything was okay.

taglist: @imaginashawnns @ellalynnrose @curlsofshawn @shawnwyr

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swiftlythebest · 5 years ago

Note

Au where Nico and Levi were already established in season 14. Maybe Levi is talking about this hot boyfriend he has and nobody believes him but then Nico comes and they're all shocked and Levi is just like i told you so. Nico's just confused lol.

Okay, this one took a bit. I was debating for a while whether I should rewatch Season 14, but I ultimately decided I was too busy to be able to commit to that. Therefore, if this differs from canon (beyond the obvious AU aspect), that’s all on me and my lack of rewatch. I could see myself continuing this because it does feel a little open-ended. I really like the prompt and hope the execution was as fun and fluffy as I wanted it to be. I wrote this in the wake of buying Lover Fest tickets, which was a nerve-wracking mess so I hope this fic is more coherent than I feel at the moment. It’s a bit longer so a lot is under a cut. I hope you enjoy!

“...But then my boyfriend called so she had to calm down, at least for a bit,” Levi Schmitt took a bite of his sandwich as he finished the story chronicling his mother’s latest freakout. He expected some laughs or maybe a few understanding nods but was instead met with five confused expressions.

“I’m sorry, your what now?” Taryn Helm was the first to snap out of whatever trance the five other interns had fallen under.

“My mother. That was a story about my mother. Duh.” Levi rolled his eyes at Taryn’s question.

“I think she was asking about the boyfriend part.” The interns nodded at Sam Bello’s suggestion.

“Oh, have I not mentioned him? Huh. Yeah, my boyfriend.” Levi shrugged, focusing his attention back on his lunch.

“Is he hot?” Dahlia Qadri smacked Vik Roy’s arm at the question. “Ow! What, you were all wondering too!”

“Who, my boyfriend?”

“No, your fish.” Casey Parker was already getting fed up with this conversation and couldn’t suppress an eye roll at Levi’s expense.

“I think so.” Levi dug his phone out of his pocket and pulled up a photo of a tall Asian man with a chiseled face, swoopy hair, and magnificent muscles. He was smiling fondly at the camera, as though the photographer were his favorite person in the world.

“Glasses, you can’t just Google ‘hot guy’ and use some image result. We’re not gonna believe that,” Roy scoffed.

“What? No! That’s Nico! That’s my boyfriend, Nico!” Levi turned the phone towards him as though checking he had the right picture.

“That’s the hottest guy I’ve ever seen. You’re telling me he’s not only real but your boyfriend?” Sam raised her eyebrows almost to her hairline as everyone else looked expectantly at Levi.

“I… he… we… we overlapped a bit when I was in college and he was in med school. When the pre-med students would visit the med school, he always sought me out. Wanted to show me whatever stuff he was working on. We became study buddies and then friends and then best friends.” Levi shrugged through the story, trying to downplay it.

“But you slept with Jo!” Taryn exclaimed.

“We got together after that. I was venting to him about the whole ‘Glasses’ thing and how I’d never get a job here. We stayed up all night on the phone, me freaking out and him listening. He flew out the next day and showed up on my doorstep. I guess he sort of proclaimed his love for me? He said he’d loved me since we first met and hearing me so upset on the phone made him realize he needed to step up and give me something good. I don’t know.” Levi fiddled with his fingers, looking down after baring his soul.

When he looked up, the other interns were all just staring at him. Roy broke the silence with a big laugh.

“Yeah, okay. Here’s a tip, if you want us to believe you, don’t make it seem like he was the one chasing you. It just makes no sense.”

Levi looked hurt and confused, “But… that’s what happened!”

“Okay, prove it. Call him,” Roy smirked.

“I can’t. He just got off a 48-hour shift and I like to let him sleep.”

“Hm, convenient.” While Roy was still enjoying the teasing, the other interns started to look uncomfortable and guilty. Thankfully, Jo walked in just then to give out their assignments.

“Are you too hot for me?” Levi asked as soon as Nico answered his FaceTime.

“Well hello to you too, love.” Nico smiled, used to his boyfriend’s bluntness.

“Yeah, yeah, hey, what’s up? But are you too hot for me?”

“What does that even mean?”

“Like, you’re hot. That’s a known fact. But are you too hot for me? Are we horribly mismatched?” Levi fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt, suddenly more self-conscious than he usually was when speaking to Nico.

“You’ve literally been the object of my fantasies for years now, so I’d say you’re pretty hot.” Levi choked at this comment, eliciting a deep laugh from Nico.

“I’m serious though.” Levi’s voice was small, smaller than Nico had ever heard it.

“What brought this on?” Nico did away with his teasing tone.

“I mentioned you to the other interns. They didn’t believe that you were my boyfriend after I showed them your picture. They said it made no sense and there’s no way you were the one pining for me all these years. They thought I got a picture off of Google.” Levi gave a sad smile and a soft sigh.

Nico furrowed his brow in annoyance and confusion, “They didn’t believe you?”

“No. Why would they? It is definitely illogical.”

“I love it when you talk Vulcan to me.” Levi gave him a put-upon look, “What does it matter? You know how I feel about you, right? You know you’re my guy.”

“I know. I know! It shouldn’t matter. But I never even thought about our mismatched looks until today.”

“Look, I know you’re way hotter than I am but please don’t rub it in.” Levi gave a watery, surprised laugh, “I’m serious! Screw what other people think. I’m blown away by you. Floored. Overwhelmed. Okay?”

Levi sighed, “Okay. Okay, yeah. I’m sorry for spiraling, love. How was your day?”

“You never have to apologize to me for something like this. Never, okay?” Levi nodded, causing Nico to smile wide. “But my day was good! I’m starting to look at fellowships and my old mentor may have a lead for me.”

Levi and Nico spoke for another two hours, only stopping when Levi almost began snoring, promising to pick it back up the next night. Even though there was still a nagging in the back of Levi’s mind, he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

A few weeks, and many failed attempts to prove his relationship, later found the Grey + Sloan interns huddled together by a nurses’ station, waiting for their assignments.

“Levi!” All six interns’ heads whipped around at the excited shout, eyes landing on a suited man rushing in their direction.

“Nico! Wh- you’re here! What are you doing here?!” The man swept Levi up into a hug, picking him up slightly, a dazzling smile taking over his handsome face.

“I wanted to surprise you! I had an interview here for my fellowship and I took a few days off so I could see you.” They gazed at each other, matching smiles on their faces, too caught up in their moment to pay any mind to the gaping interns next to them.

“Wait, you’re that guy! The one Glasses keeps trying to convince us is his boyfriend!” Sam Bello snapped her fingers as the pieces slid into place, the other interns nodding next to her at the realization.

Nico turned his head, giving the other five people his attention, arms still around Levi, “I am his boyfriend. Hi, Nico Kim. Current resident at the Mayo Clinic, but I’m hoping to get a fellowship here.”

Levi smacked his chest, drawing Nico’s attention back towards him, “Why didn’t you tell me?! I thought San Francisco was your first choice!”

“Nah, you’re here. Plus, my mentor may be getting an attending job here so I’d work with him. I wanted to surprise you, love.”

“So this is real? This is a real thing?” Helm had a small smile on her face. Having spent more time with Levi over the last few weeks, she’d grown quite fond of the clumsy man and liked seeing him so happy.

“It’s so real. The realest.” Nico grinned at Helm.

“Wow, okay. Sorry to have doubted you, Schmitt.” Casey patted Levi’s shoulder as Sam and Dahlia nodded in agreement, wide-eyed.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I stand by my disbelief.” Roy stood with his arms crossed as everyone rolled their eyes at his stubbornness, ignoring him in favor of getting to know Nico.

The interns (minus Roy) and Nico chatted for a few more minutes, Nico’s arm slung casually around Levi’s waist. Levi beamed as his coworkers got along so well with his boyfriend, glad they finally believed him. Not that he needed any sort of validation from them because he knew the man next to him loved him no matter what, which was all that really mattered.

I’m (hopefully) back on my bullshit, so send in prompts, if you want!

#schmico #schmico prompt #anonymous #asked and answered #nico and levi #levi x nico #nicoxlevi #Levi Schmitt #nico kim #levi schmitt x nico kim #nico kim and levi schmitt #levi schmitt/nico kim #season 14 au

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ziracona · 4 years ago

Note

So last night I wound up reading Amanda's wiki and It made me kind of sad for her, because it very much sounds like she was suffering from stockholme syndrome of a kind there, to me, atleast. Which makes me wonder, what do you think of the pig/amanda? What's your Amanda like in your stories? Do you think she had any potential for redemption (with A LOT of work)? I guess I just wanna hear your thoughts on her character because ur always rly good at it?? - Sleepy

Yeah, whoever wrote the Saw wiki loves Amanda and hates Hoffman and it’s genuinely hilarious. They make a lot of assumptions (like that her motive for killing Adam after he won his game was mercy killing, which is a throughly unconfirmed opinion), and use the most sympthetic & extreme language possible. I’ve watched all the Saw films, and as a character, Amanda is a very enjoyable villain, but as a person? She’s a truly awful human being. (Side note—this typed last— So, mentioning certain Saw characters sends me flying into a rage like a D&D berserker, so this is gonna get angry as hell, but 0 of it is at you. I love you. This is at the Jigsaw squad. WHO I FUCKING HATE. Ahem. Anyway. Felt like the level of unbridled and sudden fury needed a heads up lol.) It’s not Stockholm syndrome. In Saw one, she’s a victim who is put in a reverse beartrap and forced to either die, or cut the key out of the stomach of a paralyzed by drugs but very alive (which she knew) other kidnap victim, whom she cut open and killed. After enduring that trauma and barely surviving, she immediately accepted John’s offer to join him. She was not forced, she was not tricked. He asked, and because she wanted to feel special and important, she agreed to inflict suffering she knew goddamn well the horrible level of on others first hand, and went willingly. She is self-centered to her core, and became dependent on and infatuated with John, and obsessed with his approval. She kidnapped Adam and Lawrence with him, who were kidnapped for fuckall reason (literally John just thought photography was pathetic) and for almost cheating on his wife (lol this was John’s ‘stated’ reason—his real reason was John is the world’s pettiest bitch, and Lawrence was the doctor who told him he had cancer. I’m not fkn kidding he’s that level of petty self-absorbed, self-righteous bastard) respectively. Then killed Adam after he won his game, which should have given him freedom but John reneged on like he always does like the pissy little bitch he is, Amanda killed him for reasons up to speculation. However, given John usually tests people who win a second time or tries to get them to join or some bullshit, it’s more plausible to assume her motive was seeing him as a threat than that it was mercy killing, and it’s only stated in-film to be an emotion based decision, not her actual movtive. Everyone’s opinion on this action is just that—opinion. With varying degrees of factual basis behind the educated level of educated guess.

In Saw 2, she helps John kidnap a bunch of drug addicts like herself who all got false arrests by the same officer at one time or another, along with a poor fucking 15 year old whose crime is having that cop for a dad. She then spent the next two hours watching people whose only crime was drug use, like herself, die horribly of organ deterioration, knowing at any time she could have stopped it and saved them all because she knew how to get the antidotes. Bitch even holds one girl in her arms and stokes her head and pretends to care about her while she hacks up deteriorated lung and blood and fucking dies, when at any moment she could have chosen to let her live. Literally no one should be more sympathetic to them than her. She knows how addicted to drugs feels, and the help you need. Anyway, she doesn’t, she lets them die and plays with them, and then when it’s to her, the 15 year old—who multiple times saves or helps her when hurt by other participants, and is nothing but kind—and one other man, the man shows up to kill her to get an antidote, and the poor fucking 15 year old child kills him with a saw to save her, traumatizing himself to a breakdown afterwords, and instead of being even thankful, she attacks and knocks him out, ties him up and attaches an oxygen tank so he won’t suffocate, and locks him in a fucking like tiny ass safe to be a game piece for another trial and leaves him there. His dad, who admittedly needs to serve jail time but isn’t a fucking murderer at least & does love his son, shows up distraught looking for his kid he’s afraid is dead, and she sneak attacks and takes him down, then leaves him chained up in a nasty lost bathroom to starve slowly to death, and doesn’t even do him the decency of telling him his kid isn’t dead. When he breaks his foot to get free and comes hobbling wounded after her, she sneak attacks again and he nearly wins, but she fucks up his broken foot and starts to leave, then comes back and beats him (she thinks) to death becuase he said she would never be Jigsaw, and she’s that petty and proud. Kid never gets to know what happened to his dad, and even alive, will definitely die young from the complications one, you know, gets from almost dying of chemical organ deterioration.

In Saw 3, the main victim is a man whose kid was lost in a hit and run. Jigsaw has Amanda kidnap his wife because she’s a surgeon and also was once not as sympathetic as he thought she should be when talking to him about his cancer at the hospital (I’m not even fucking exaggerating—side note, I will beat John Kramer to death myself with my huge fucking meat fists and laugh as I watch his bones crumble to dust). This poor bitch just lost a kid, then separated from her husband because he was a fucking mess consumed with revenge against the poor college kid who accidentally hit his son & totally withdrew from the world, and she wakes up with a collar filled with shotgun shells basically a 360 gun blow off your head collar deal on, and Amanda wheeling her around in the wheelchair she’s tied to. They tell her if she keeps John alive until the person being tested finishes his test, she can go free. The whole movie, Amanda keeps trying to convince John to kill the poor woman even though she complies just because she’s a throughly selfish, petty, conceited, self-pitying bastard with no regard for others, and wants this “Bitch” to die for fun. She feels she’s a threat for John’s attentions, and John isn’t even romantically inclined toward her, but she’s obsessed and doesn’t care. Amanda decides between Saws 2 and 3 that people aren’t fixable—even though she herself was supposedly “helped” by her Jigsaw game and this is hypocritical as fuck—and just starts straight up fucking torture murdering for fun. To the point even John thinks she has to be stopped. Like if John fucking Kramer thinks you’ve gone to far? Jesus help you because no one else can. She still does the torture, but instead of like, chopping off your own hand with a paring knife and getting to live, you chop it off and then still slowly get your head crushed between two beams being screwed closer and closer together. She kills Kerry for fuckall reason except she wants to (Kerry is a detective who did jack shit wrong—she was just on the case. It’s utter bullshit). Kidnaps her, straps a thing with hooks in her ribs that will tear out her rib cage when a timer runs out, and kill her that way, and had her hung up above the ground tied by chains, and tells her if she burns her hand up in a bottle of acid to get the key at the bottom which is hard period in the suit—never mind losing the hand—she can live. And Kerry fucking does, ruins her hand, unlocks the lock, and the suit won’t come off becuase the cunt rigged it. Then Amanda shows up to watch her die for fun just to smile smugly at her and watch her fear. Because she’s a fucking soulless, sadistic, evil, self-centered, self-important asshole.

Obsessed dad let’s a fucking bystander whose only crime was seeing a hit and run and running off freeze to death stripped naked and sprayed with water in a freezer slowly, saves a judge who gave too weak a sentence to the hit and run kid after the man begs, and then lets the poor fucking college kid who did it and already feels awful get his arms twisted till they snap off, legs twisted till the same, and then his head twisted around back so far it twist snap kills him. The rack is fucking beyond inhumane death. Amanda monitors this while threading Lynn (the poor doctor lady) for fun and crying over poow wittwe John who is dying of cancer (thank you god for doing what we couldn’t), and being miserable. Eventually, Hoffman sends her a letter saying if she doesn’t kill Lynn, he’ll tell John that she was one of the people there to steal drugs the night his wife got injured and miscarried (he probably already knew 🙄), and becuase Amanda cares about nothing more than Amanda, she fucking monolgauges at John about how special and sad she is how he needs to fix her and she’s a murderer but she doesn’t care because you know—she’s depressed : ( so she gets a pass for her self she’s UwU sad so her poor little crisis can have a massive torture body count bc she’s that special UwU and why is Lynn not gonna die even though she did her job!??? So unfair! No one changes kill them all but tell me I’m special I’m symapthetic because I’m sad and that makes it fun for me to tear people’s ribs out :’( —and then she fucking shoots Lynn becuase she cares less about an innocent woman’s life than the potential for John to be mad at her :’-( you know—such symapthetic stuff! And then John is like “Ok then fkn die :’(“ and Jeff/unstable dad/Lynn’s husband runs in and shoots her and then kills John.

Anyway! I fucking hate Amanda with a passion, and John. I cannot stand humans who hurt each other for fun, especially when they target those who most need help. But above all I cannot abide a person who is a sadistic, selfish, wholly self-absorbed fuck of a human, and refuses to take any responsibility for their actions or admit how fucking bad they are and has the goddamn nerve to act like a victim. Like if you’re going to be an evil son of a bitch, at least have the decency to admit it. If you’re a self-pitying “im uwu special and sad and better and more important than everyone else” —double points for “& becuase I am attractive I can get away with being a soulless shit without any being held accountable” from fandom or the media itself, tripple if from both—? I will kill you myself. I will rip out your eyes and chew on them. I will kill my self on a bomb to take you too. I will chew off my left arm for the sole purpose of getting to beat you to death with it. The wiki writer bends over back so bad they’re gonna need a brace the rest of their life to make her sound sympthetic, but they’re just a fan. She’s not. At all. She doesn’t have Stockholm, and I see people say “she got manipulated and used : (“ all the time, but without fail so far it’s people who think she’s hot and just want a reason to stan that because somehow a hot white woman with short hair even if canonically infatuated with John Kramer is somehow both a lesbian, and excusable for every horrible torture murder she ever did to feel uwu special in her depressed sad times. She wasn’t manipualated. It happened fast, she wasn’t courted into it, and she didn’t even hesitate to say yes. He offered her an out, made sure she was serious, and she stayed. And then she escalated to the point John took her out to stop her, because it was worse than what he wanted to do. I enjoyed her as a villain but as a person I fucking hate Amanda, and don’t really want to see her get another chance. Bastard doesn’t deserve one. I can’t say there’s no continuum in which she could never improve or be redeemed becuase who the fuck knows, and I like to think there’s a smidgen of hope for anyone, but that said, I do think the more evil you willfully do, the more you lose your humanity, and you can hit a point there’s just no person left. So. Anyway, hah, I don’t think she’s redeemable and frankly don’t want her redeemed. I want to burn her to death myself if I have to die that way too. Also! This was a wildly angry answer but none of it is directed at you. That wiki writer does make her sound symapthetic, I’ve read the wiki too—just I go into a blind rage any time John or Amanda is even mentioned and it takes me a half hour to come back down. I fly into a rage. If I ever go into anaphylactic shock, all a friend has to do is start mentioning the names of Saw villains and my adrenaline will start pumping like jet fuel and I’ll be fine. I just have a whole lot of righteously just rage at horrible awful self-righteous self-absorbed malicious manipulative dehumanizing self-pity bastards who take 0 responsibility for their evil or admit it, and Amanda & John are two at the way top of that rage list. It’s a dark but powerful headspace when I think of them. I become very powerful...but also very enraged. Lol, anyway, here’s the breakdown you didn’t need, but it is throrough!

#ask #Sleepy #anonymous #Saw #dead by daylight #Amanda Young #Saw 2 #Saw 3 #spoilers #side note! I have friends who /do/ love her as a character—I ain’t got beef with her existing or smth. or people who enjoy or love her #I like my fair share of horrible villains. I love Rafe from Uncharted 4 & he’s a certified piece of shit.#the only thing that gets me is people who try to be like ‘🥺 : ( but she’s a pwetty white woman w short hair which = lesbian /queen/! & makes #her exempt from all responsibility of torture murder. 💕💖 bc she’s so special and she was sad : ( I hc she dissociates so how can people not #love her if I pretend she doesn’t know what she’s done when canonically that’s not the case but I still think it? why do you not adhere to #my personal head canon making her sympthetic. : ( She’s pretty so she deserves 0 guilt or punishment. pwetty sad poor little baby girl : (#needs love. TuT No badness ever wum? she isn’t responsible for her own actions what u mean an adult is responsible for their choices even if #sad?? :0 No. I don’t understand you can love terrible characters so I have to snap my back in half trying to pretend she did nothing wrong’#because I have uhhhh seen it more than I wish despite my best efforts & im so goddamn tired :’)#sorry Sleepy this is like #one of my top 10 ‘I’m flyinn into a rage’ buttons I can’t help it I hear John or Amanda’s names & I see red #and can’t stop until the Justice and Judgement cards of life’s tarot deck are done punting me back and forth like a racquetball

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luxekook · 5 years ago

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the mirror | vmin

⇥ pairing: demon!jimin x reader x demon!taehyung

⇥ genre: smut, fluff, slight horror/thriller (?)

⇥ summary: demon!vmin want to make the reader theirs

⇥ word count: 2.4k

⇥ warnings: nc17, cursing, dirty talk, varying levels of smut, talk of demons and possession, general crack!fic

MAJOR DISCLAIMER: This is based on an actual dream I had and pretty much defies all logic. Lol, happy (early) Halloween!

My new apartment currently resembled the aftermath of a B and E. Moving boxes were strewn everywhere, various pieces of Ikea furniture were left half assembled, and I was panicking. Asking for help had never been an issue for me before – I wasn’t much of a prideful person.

However, asking for help from my best friends Taehyung and Jimin had been harder than forcing myself to go to the gym. My reluctance to ask them over wasn’t that I didn’t like them. In fact, I had the opposite problem.

I loved them, and those feelings were so fucking confusing.

It wasn’t that I was too much of a little bitch to tell either of them how I felt; it was that I was too much of a little bitch to tell them both how I felt.

I loved Jimin. And I loved Taehyung. Equally.

You don’t even know how many hours I spent scouring the internet for any semblance of an explanation for how I felt.

Basically, I came to a couple conclusions:

1) I was into polyamory:

Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved. It has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy".

2) Some pretty badass women like Olive Byrne were polyamorous:

Olive Byrne was a polyamorous life partner of William and Elizabeth Marston and has been credited as an inspiration for Wonder Woman.

And now I was at an impasse – tell the boys and potentially ruin our friendship or never take the chance and stay firmly in the friend-zone.

Basically, I had chosen to do neither and avoid them for the past couple weeks like a fucking coward instead.

The doorbell sounded and shook me from my mini pity party. Time to face the music, I thought as I plastered a forced smile on my face. I opened the door and immediately was pulled into a hug by Jimin.

He spun me around, squeezing me tightly, “I missed you so fucking much, (y/n)!” My forced smile turned real as I felt his warmth around me.

“Stop hogging her, Jimin,” Taehyung said derisively as he stretched his arms out to me.

I wiggled out of Jimin’s hold and into Taehyung’s arms. He smelled like autumn – a heady mix of wood, spice and musk.

I noticed Jimin pouting over Taehyung’s shoulder and I couldn’t help but grin.

Reluctantly extracting myself from Taehyung’s hold, I was still smiling, “Thanks for coming over to help me. I’ve barely made a dent unpacking.”

“That’s what friends are for,” Jimin threw an arm around my shoulders – crushing both my neck and my feelings – while he and Taehyung shared a furtive glance, “Besides, we haven’t seen you for ages.”

“Right,” I mumbled and tried to shake it off the friend-zone comment, “Okay, well I think it’s best we start with the bedroom because I cannot sleep on an air mattress for a fourth night.”

A pregnant pause crackling with tension arose. My eyes darted between the boys who seemed to be having one of their infuriatingly cryptic telepathic conversations.

“You’ve been sleeping on an air mattress this whole time?”

Uh-oh. I knew Taehyung’s angry voice and he just used it.

“Yes…” I backed up as I noticed the boys had suddenly moved all up in my space.

“And you didn’t tell us because…”

Yup, there was Jimin’s angry voice. I was screwed. “Because I didn’t think it was a big deal?” I responded, confused as to why they were making such a fuss over a damn air mattress.

“Not a big deal,” Taehyung hissed and stalked off towards my bedroom, “I can’t do it, Jimin. Talk to her.”

I stared open-mouthed at Taehyung’s back as he exited the living room and made his way towards my room at the end of the hall. What the hell was going on here?

“What the hell is going on here?”

Jimin ignored my perfectly valid question, “You don’t think your health is a big deal? You shouldn’t be sleeping on an air mattress when there are perfectly good beds at me and Tae’s.”

“My health? It’s a fricking air mattress, not a pile of sticks, Jimin! Last time I checked, air mattresses were made for sleeping!”

He continued to ignore me, “You need to take care of yourself, (y/n).”

“You’re not my fucking father or boyfriend, Jimin. I don’t need a lecture.”

“Believe me, I know,” Jimin said darkly and turned away from me, heading in the direction Taehyung disappeared to. And I swore I heard him mutter, “Fuck a lecture, she needs a spanking.”

I stay rooted in my place against the wall and wondered what the actual fuck just happened.

Taehyung calling my name jolted me out of my reverie, “(y/n)? What’s this?”

“What’s what?” I asked, heading towards my room to see what he was asking about.

Oh god, what if he found my unopened stash of condoms?

My speed increased tenfold as I practically ran down the hall. Entering my room, I saw Taehyung staring down at a weird-looking mirror I hadn’t seen before.

“Where did you find that?” I question as Taehyung continues to look down at the mirror as if in a trance.

“Bro? You good?” Jimin asked as we exchanged a concerned look.

Taehyung slowly lifted his head up – his eyes closed; his mouth twisted into a smirk. “Never better,” his answering voice sent shivers down my spine. I opened my mouth to question his suddenly deepened tone when Taehyung opened his eyes.

Gone were the hazel eyes I loved so much and gone were any traces of light or reflection.

There was only darkness.

“Taehyung, what the fuck?” Jimin yelled and pulled me behind him.

“What?” Taehyung cocked his head slowly to the side, “What’s wrong?”

I gaped at Taehyung, “Your eyes…”

“…They’re black,” Jimin finished for me.

Tae’s answering grin was almost as alarming as his fucking black eyes as he peered into the strange mirror again, “Well, what do you know… they are.”

“Why aren’t you freaking the fuck out, Tae?” Jimin continued to shout at him as he moved to grab the mirror from him, “What the fuck is this shit?”

“Here,” Taehyung thrusted the mirror at Jimin, “Look.”

Jimin snatched the mirror from Taehyung and inspected the back of it. I looked over his shoulder, noticing the symbols etched upon its surface. They looked familiar.

Where had I seen them before?

As I wracked my brain, Jimin adjusted his grip on the mirror and its handle came into view. I was staring, completely horrified at its marking of an upside-down cross, when Jimin flipped over the mirror.

“No, don’t—!” My scared protest sounded too late, as I watched in terror as Jimin gazed into the mirror just like Taehyung had minutes before.

“Fucking dumbass,” I groaned. Clearly, the mirror had some kind of curse and Jimin had walked right into it.

Taehyung chuckled amusedly at my obvious distress and turned to his friend, “Feel that power, Jimin?”

Jimin glanced up at Taehyung with now-matching black eyes and leisurely rolled his neck, cracking it, “Oh, fuck yeah.”

My ‘fuck this shit’ meter hit level one million as both boys turned their heads to face me.

“Uh,” I backed up, “I’m gonna go… Feel free to show yourselves out.”

“Now, wait just a second, columba,” the foreign word flowed unnaturally easily from Jimin’s mouth.

Speaking yet another language? That was a big no from me, dog.

I took off.

“Come on, (y/n), don’t run from us,” Taehyung taunted as I ran out my door at full speed. Racing down the stairs and across the apartment lobby, I rushed outside. I could hear them calling my name behind me, “Columba, you know we’ll find you.”

Jimin’s teasing voice urged me to run faster. I knew they had to be fucking with me at this point. They worked out on the daily while I only worked out when hustling to meet my Postmates at the door.

I weaved between pedestrians and made the split-second decision to duck inside the local art museum.

Pushing through the doors, I quickly pivoted to the exhibit on the left – the sculpture hall. I careened to a halt behind a massive sculpture of Galileo and fought to catch my breath.

Had I actually lost them?

A spark of hope bloomed in my chest.

And subsequently died when I heard a whistled tune echoing from the exhibit entrance. Were they seriously harmonizing their whistles to “Jopping”?

Maybe they weren’t completely evil?

“Found you, columba,” Taehyung whispered in my ear – entirely too close for me. I opened my mouth to scream, but his palm covered my mouth, “Shh, this is an art museum, (y/n). It requires you to be quiet. And so do I.”

My eyebrows knitted together as I glared defiantly into his blackened eyes.

Fuck that noise.

Cursed or not, I didn’t take orders from assholes.

Taehyung noticed my thunderous expression and smiled hugely, “We love how feisty you are, columba. We want you to be our third.”

He looked at me expectantly. I rolled my eyes at his idiocy and stared at him pointedly.

“Oh,” Taehyung grinned sheepishly, removing his hand, “My bad.”

“Your bad,” I seethed, “Your fucking bad? Who the hell do you think you are?”

He opened his mouth to respond but I plowed ahead, “That was a rhetorical question, you buffoon. Now listen up: I don’t know what exactly is going on here, but I do know that I’m not vibing with the whole cursed black eyes and new language thing.”

“Ah, Tae, you found her,” Jimin chose the absolute wrong time to interrupt. As I level my glare towards him, he actually flinched back.

“Great,” I laugh, “You’re both here. Now can one of you press your last two working braincells together and give me an explanation?”

“We want you as our third,” Jimin said, as if that explained it all.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “I don’t speak demon.”

The boys snickered. “Yeah, the mirror chose wisely,” Taehyung told Jimin.

“Hello?” I waved my hand in between their faces, “I’m right here, boys.”

They turned to face me together. “We know,” Jimin said, prowling towards me.

“Yes,” Taehyung agreed, cornering me in from the other side, “We definitely know.”

“To be our third means that you’d complete our triad,” Jimin trailed his hand down my cheek, “Me, you, and Taehyung.”

“We know how you feel about us, columba,” Taehyung murmured from my other side as my back pressed further into the foot of the sculpture behind us.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I entered full deflective mode, “We’re friends – at least we were. Jury’s out right now.”

“Friends don’t want to fuck each other, (y/n).”

I choked on air at Jimin’s comment.

“You really should clear your search history,” Taehyung whispered into my neck, before giving it a nip.

I felt the blood drain from my face, “Search history?”

“’What is polyamory?’” Jimin ticked off a finger.

Okay, I could explain that search as innocent curiosity.

“’How to approach a polyamorous relationship’,” Taehyung continued and held up a second finger.

Again, I could probably play the innocence card.

“And, my personal favorite, ‘Is it wrong to fuck two friends at the same time?’” Jimin victoriously waves three fingers in the air.

Fuck. I forgot about that one.

I wracked my brain for excuses and came up with nothing. My shoulders slumped, “What do you want me to say? That I love both of you? That it’s embarrassing to admit? That I’ve been terrified to tell you? Take your pick!”

The boys looked at each other briefly and then back at me. “We’ve loved you since the day we met,” Jimin leaned in to kiss my cheek.

Taehyung pressed his mouth to my other cheek, and I could feel his lips moving against it as he added, “It’s true. We’ve been wanting to share you in every way since then.”

I was speechless – both from their proximity and their words.

“Look at her, Jimin. She’s gone quiet. Columba… Our little dove…” Taehyung trailed off, moving his mouth over mine and kissing me.

My body felt like it was on fire. My lips parted in a gasp and Taehyung took advantage, his tongue sliding across my own with a such a sensual slowness that my back arched against the statue’s pedestal behind me.

His hands travelled down the sides of my neck and stay there, gripping my throat lightly in his fingers as he works his tongue against mine.

“Be our third,” Jimin’s whisper sounded from my left, but I couldn’t process anything with Taehyung’s hand on my neck and tongue in my mouth.

Suddenly, Taehyung’s pushed off of me and Jimin slid into his place. “Say yes,” he continued and pressed his lips to mine.

His kiss is completely different than Taehyung’s, fervent but precise. He kisses me like he had been doing so all his life and knew every inch of my body.

Then I felt Taehyung push me off of the statue that I had been using as a crutch and slide into its place behind me. His hands gripped my hips and pulled me back against him, kissing my neck as Jimin continued to dominate my mouth.

“Say yes,” Taehyung echoed Jimin’s earlier plea.

Jimin removed his mouth from mine and smirked at my immediate sound of disappointment.

“Is that a yes, (y/n)?” he asks, raising a brow, his black eyes boring into mine.

I couldn’t speak. Taehyung’s thumbs were tracing patterns on my hips. Jimin trailed a hand up my torso to lightly land on my throat, finding my pulse-point.

This was too much.

On one hand, I knew they were still the boys, deep down. On the other, I had no fucking idea what that mirror had done to them.

But, fuck it – they were still my boys.

“It's a yes,” I said and reveled in Jimin’s beaming grin.

“We’re going to make you so happy you said yes,” came Taehyung’s voice behind me.

“Now, just one more thing,” Jimin reached for something behind his back.

Before I could even comprehend, he had the mirror in front of me. Taehyung’s hands framed my head, forcing it still.

Did Jimin have that thing this whole time? What the fuck?

My eyes were glued to my reflection in the mirror – it was smiling.

I was not.

And then I watched as my eyes turned black.

columba – (Latin) dove

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