#spencer is there i guess and so is “she” but idk if ill finish that one

[clockworkreapers]

extra tftgs stuff i have on hand that i either like or am working on for later...

[fortheloveofwonderland]

A Memory Locked In The Heart - Spencer Reid x fem! Reader

A/N - Requested by the lovely @overduelibrarybooks I hope this was the kind of thing you were looking for!

Find my masterlist here.

My taglists are open and requests are open.

Requested: Yes l No

Request: "could u ever write a spencer reid x reader where reader def works for the cia but more as a translator who’s kinda forced into doing agenty things in order to gather intel and on a mandated break she finds out the UNSUB before the team does so she uses herself as bait, and shoots the guy all very badass fashion n then gets interrogated bc ms girl just shot him coldblood and halfway thru she recognizes spencer bc her mother and his mom lived in the same care facility??? idk sorry my mom has paranoid too so it just hits different but u don’t have to write this if u don’t want to i love ur writing <3"

CW: disclaimer: I know next to nothing about the CIA and what they investigate so please go easy on me here. This is all made up so hopefully it makes some kind of sense. Mentions of violence and sex work, schizophrenia, Alzheimer’s, some swears. Mentions of drug use and overdose. Spanish used towards the end is from Google Translate so I apologise if it isn’t completely accurate. Italics indicate flashbacks.

Plot: Eighteen years ago you met a boy named Spencer Reid whilst visiting your mother at Bennington Sanitorium. This time you are meeting under entirely different circumstances; across the table of an interrogation room.

WC: 5.3K

—————————————————————

How did I end up here?

That was a question you kept asking yourself as you rolled into your third hour of sitting in that cold, dimly lit interrogation room at the FBI headquarters in Quantico, Virginia.

Well you supposed you’d have to go back to the beginning to truly work that out.

The CIA and FBI joint task force for a country wide sex trafficking ring they believed to be operating out of DC.

When your team at the CIA had started investigating it was estimated that the ring had close to a hundred women who had been abducted and forced into the sex industry.

A lot of women were believed to have been taken trying to cross the border. Your job as a translator had involved spending a lot of time in Mexico, helping interview witnesses and family members who didn’t speak English.

The FBI involvement had come when women believed to have been part of the trafficking ring started turning up dead.

At last count they were up to twenty bodies. The Behavioural Analyst Unit had given their profile of the man they believed to be running the show.

White male in his mid to late forties. Bilingual. Possibly born in Mexico or an area surrounding the border but grew up in DC, they assumed based on his knowledge of the area. He’s attractive, charming and has a good level of education, he’d need to be able to charm the women into trusting him. He doesn’t have a full time job because he wouldn’t have time for one. All his time and focus goes on his girls. He was tech savvy, incredibly so, he’d have to be, to be able to set up the network on the dark web which enabled his customers to pay for his services.

It hadn’t been going well. Bodies kept dropping and the task force was no closer to catching the person responsible.

This went on for six months. Everyone was exhausted. You kept hitting brick wall after brick wall. It was demoralising.

Your boss had called for mandated time off. You’d all argued but she had been absolutely adamant. You’d all been working yourselves to the bone and she didn’t want you burnt out entirely.

You’d argued but your words had fallen on deaf ears.

“Can I get you a glass of water or something?”

The voice startled you out of your thoughts. You looked up to see the lanky, messy haired agent who called himself Doctor Reid, sticking his head through the door.

“Is coffee an option?”

He smiled brightly at you, a smile you swear you’ve seen before.

“Coffee is always an option.” He told you. “How do you take it?”

“Strong and black. Please.”

“I’ll be right back.”

With that the door closed leaving you to your thoughts once more.

There was something so familiar about the Doctor. His dark yet sparkling eyes, his awkward smile and the way he dressed. You couldn’t place it. But there was definitely something about him that stirred some memory buried deep in your brain. You just weren’t sure what it was.

He returned a few minutes later, bringing your coffee into the room and placing it on the table in front of you.

“Hopefully you won’t be stuck here too much longer. It’s just standard procedure.” he spoke sweetly, his voice stirring the hidden memory.

“Yeah I know. I get it.” you sighed as you spoke, wrapping your hands around the coffee. “Thank you for this.”

“You’re welcome.” he smiled before he started backing out of the room. You wished you could ask him to stay because you felt so much more at ease with him around. But you knew you couldn’t.

He turned to you in the doorway.

“You look cold in that.” He smiled a little sadly at you.

You’d forgotten about your outfit choice. No self respecting CIA agent dressed like you were right now.

“I guess I am a little.” You shrugged.

Spencer instantly shrugged his blazer off of his shoulders and laid it in front of you on the table.

“Thank you Doctor Reid.” you spoke again before he disappeared out the door.

“Goodbye Agent Y/L/N.”

The door closed, his voice reverberating in your ears, dragging you into a long forgotten memory.

As you slipped his jacket on, your eyes fluttered closed, his scent wafting up your nose.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Spencer. Spencer Reid.”

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

Your eyes shot back open, a frown on your face.

“Spencer?” you muttered under your breath. “Spencer Reid.”

Where had you pulled that name from? And why did it feel oddly connected to Vegas?

You tried to push the thought away, you already had enough on your mind. There were much more pressing things to deal with than a vague memory from your hometown an undetermined amount of time ago.

***

You’d been instructed to switch off. Your time off should be used to recoup, relax and not to think about the case.

Easier said than done you thought.

Before you’d left the office on your mandated leave you’d taken photocopies of some files and slipped them into your bag. You knew you’d be in trouble if you were caught but you couldn’t help yourself. You wouldn’t be able to relax with this case still open.

As far as you were aware the BAU was still working on it but it provided you little comfort. In your time with the CIA you’d never gotten to be involved so heavily in a case. Your skills were mostly utilised in interview capacities and then you were sidelined.

You’d never had the privilege to work on a joint task force or investigate a crime so brutal.

You felt personally invested in this case. You thought if you could just find that one missing puzzle piece you could crack this case wide open.

And then you’d found it. The golden ticket. The smoking gun. The missing piece.

It had taken five days of your leave and copious amounts of coffee but you’d connected the dots no one else had.

You knew how to draw the unsub out. And you were going to do it tonight.

***

“Let’s start again from the beginning shall we?” Agent Rossi linked his fingers together on top of the table as he looked across at you, still slowly sipping your coffee.

“Oh goody.” You sighed. “Could Agent Jareau not fill you in what I’ve already told her?”

“Humour me.” The old man shrugged.

You didn’t have any ill will against him. Far from it. You were actually a big fan of David Rossi. But you were sick and tired of being treated like a criminal.

“Tell me how you managed to work out how to find him.”

You took another long sip of the coffee.

“All the pieces were there, they just hadn’t been put into place.”

“And how did you piece them together?”

“There was a pattern to where the women had been last seen. It was a guess more than anything. A lucky guess.”

“And the pattern was?”

You sighed in frustration.

“As I told agent Jareau,” you sipped your coffee. “The bars they were last seen in all had ties to Mexico. I’m not a native to DC but I know the area like the back of my hand. They were all either Mexican owned, had a Mexican name or were previously establishments such as Mexican restaurants. I made an educated guess that he frequented places such as these looking for his targets. I just got lucky I picked the right one.”

***

You felt incredibly exposed, but you supposed that was the point.

If you were going to get this guy's attention, you had to do this right.

It was a long shot. Just because Western’s bar was known for its famous tacos did not mean it would be the place he chose to pick up girls.

You just had to hope.

You wore a skimpy skirt that barely covered your ass, knee high boots and a crop top that accentuated your assets.

Your firearm was hidden in your left boot.

Your outfit garnered a lot of looks as you headed through Westerns towards the bar.

You felt men’s eyes on you from every angle, making you feel extremely self conscious. But you needed to keep your cool, exude confidence.

If your guy was here he needed to see you shine.

You ordered a soda to keep your head clear and sat at a table over the far side of the bar. From there you had a good view of the entrance and most of the room. And more importantly, the room had a view of you.

Three hours you sat there nursing your soda. It was a huge stab in the dark, you weren’t really surprised.

You finished your drink and headed out onto the cool DC street.

You made it five steps before you felt a presence behind you.

Just as you were about to turn, something covered your mouth.

You struggled against a pair of strong arms.

A smell wafted up your nose seconds before you lost consciousness.

Chloroform.

***

“Why didn’t you tell your unit chief before you went in?”

“Because I thought it was a long shot.” And because she would have been furious I was working the case.

“So you chose to use yourself as bait?”

“Yes.” You shrugged nonchalantly.

“Do you know how dangerous that could have been?” Rossi raised an eyebrow at you.

You had to refrain from rolling your eyes.

“Yes agent Rossi, I’m well aware. But I had a lead and I wasn’t going to ignore it.” You pulled Doctor Reid’s jacket tighter around your scantily clad body.

You caught his scent again. Coffee. Old books. A hint of peppermint.

Another long shut off memory wormed it’s way to the surface.

“So are you here visiting someone?”

“Yeah.” You smiled sadly. “My mom.”

“Oh.” He returned your sad smile. “Me too.”

“Agent Y/L/N?”

You were brought back by Rossi’s concerned voice.

“Hmm?”

“I said, what happened next? You were chloroformed and then what?”

You shook your head, your mind clouded.

“Can we take a break? I could really use some air.”

Rossi sighed with a small nod.

He stood from his chair and motioned you to follow him.

You got some odd looks from his fellow agents as he led you to the elevators. They all recognised what you were wearing as Spencer’s jacket.

You followed Rossi into the elevator and he pressed the button for the ground floor.

“Agent Rossi, can I ask you a strange question?” You asked as the doors closed.

He gave you a curious look.

“I suppose.”

“Doctor Reid. As in Spencer Reid?”

“The one and only.” Rossi frowned unsure what you were getting at.

“Where is he from?”

Rossi’s frown deepened, not sure he should tell you such things about his team. But you were an agent and you didn’t pose a threat to the team.

“Vegas I believe.”

Vegas. Of course.

“Ok.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“I don’t know.” You chewed your lip. “I think I might have known him.”

“Oh?”

You wished you hadn’t opened your mouth. This was not the time or place.

“I’m probably wrong. Just forget I said anything.”

The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened. As you stepped out you pulled Spencer’s collar to your nose and sniffed it.

No you weren’t wrong.

***

Las Vegas, Nevada - 1999

“Hi again.” You smiled at the lanky man, Spencer you’d met a few days ago. “How’s your mom?”

“Still angry at me.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and stubbed the toe of his shoe on the floor.

“She came in recently?”

“Yeah a few months ago. I turned eighteen and I was able to have her put into care.” He blanched, clearly feeling guilty for his decision.

“Do you want to grab a coffee?”

“Uhm sure.” He shrugged.

He followed you through to the day room. It was late and there were only a few patients inside and a few nurses milling around.

You got two cups of coffee from the machine and the two of you sat at a table together.

“Do you mind me asking what’s wrong with your mom?” You dared as you slid him the drink.

He sighed heavily, gnawing on his bottom lip as though his life depended on it.

“She’s a paranoid schizophrenic.” He spoke clinically, words he’d had to say too many times in his life. It was as though he’d distanced himself from it. Like he was giving a patient a diagnosis rather than talking about his own mother.

“Mine too.” You gave him a wry smile. You had something in common, just not something you would like to have in common.

“How long has your mom been here?”

“Three years. She got really bad and my dad couldn’t take care of her anymore. She’s been doing much better since she moved in here.”

“That’s good.” Spencer nodded. “I hope my mom realises I did this for her. For her well being. At the moment she’s just so...angry.”

You reached across the table and placed your hand on top of his. He seemed a little startled by the physical touch but you didn’t move your hand.

“This is the best place for her. I assume from what you said earlier your dad isn’t in the picture?”

He used his free hand to sip his coffee with a sad shake of his head.

“He left when I was ten. He couldn’t handle mom's illness.”

You gave his hand a small squeeze.

“I can’t imagine what it was like for you to have to look after her by yourself. It was hard enough with my dad there. Really makes you grow up fast.”

“It really does.” He agreed. “I’m not sure I ever got to be a kid.”

“I know that feeling.”

After that you spent hours chatting about anything and everything until way into the night. It wasn’t until a nurse came and asked you politely to leave that you realised how late it was.

“I’ll probably see you around?” You spoke as you stepped outside together.

“Maybe. In a few weeks I’m heading out of state. I’m working on a PhD.” He didn’t want to tell you it was actually his second PhD.

“Oh. Ok.” You tried to hide the disappointment from your voice.

Despite the circumstances you’d enjoyed talking to someone like minded, someone who understood. You didn’t have anyone else your own age you could talk to about this kind of thing.

“Maybe we could exchange numbers?” You blushed a little.

“I don’t have a cellphone.” He shrugged.

“Oh.”

“It’s not an excuse.” He sensed you didn’t believe him. “I’m not so into technology. I don’t even have email.”

Normally you would have thought it was just a bad excuse to get out of seeing you again but the look on Spencer’s face told you he was being genuine.

“Ok.” You gave him a shy smile. “Well maybe I’ll see you again before you leave.”

“I hope so.” His eyes sparkled as he looked at you on the dark street.

There was an air between you, some kind of thick tension but you didn’t know what it meant.

“If I don’t see you again,” you spoke trying to ignore whatever it was. “It was really good to meet you and I hope your mom gets used to the facility.”

“You too.” He smiled so genuinely at you, it made your heart skip a beat.

And then you went your separate ways.

***

“Ok, so what happened next?” Rossi wasted no time once you were back in the interrogation room.

“Well I blacked out after I was chloroformed so excuse me if I don’t remember.” You gave him a sarcastic smile.

“What’s the next thing you do remember?” He reworded his question.

“I woke up in a large basement. It was gritty and dingy. And there were other women there too.”

“How many?”

“At least twenty.” You sighed letting your mind travel back to the basement you never wanted to go back to. Not even in your mind.

***

You woke with a start, your head pounding. You gasped for air as though you’d been drowning.

You blinked your eyes trying to adjust to the dark room you found yourself in.

It was cold and damp and you could hear a pipe dripping in the distance.

You tried to roll over but your arm wouldn’t budge. You were met by a loud clanking sound when you tried.

You tugged your arm, hearing the same sound and being met with a sharp pain in your wrist.

“Good luck.” A woman’s voice scoffed. “They don’t come loose.”

You blinked a few more times, looking over to your left arm. There was a heavy metal cuff right around your wrist that was attached to a metal bed frame.

That’s when you realised you were laying on a small cot on top of a ratty, itchy blanket. You were still dressed, thank god.

You suddenly remembered your firearm concealed in your boot. You patted your left calf and sure enough you felt the hard weapon still inside.

That was something at least.

Oversight on their part.

You remembered the voice you’d heard before and turned as much as you could with your arm cuffed to take in the rest of the room.

There were at least forty other cots close together lining the walls, with at least half of them containing the body of other women.

The voice you’d heard belonged to a woman in the cot next to you. She gave you a smile but it didn’t reach her eyes.

Her eyes were broken.

“Hi,” you croaked. “I’m Y/N.”

“Delilah.” Her accent was Spanish. You were sure Delilah wasn’t her real name either.

“How long have you been here?”

She sighed, playing with a strand of curly black hair.

“What month is it?”

“September.”

“Oh.” She frowned. “Not that long then. I’ve been here since July.” She looked confused as though that couldn’t be long enough.

“Delilah?” You narrowed your eyes on her. “What year do you think it is?”

“2018…” she saw your face drop and knew instantly it was no longer 2018.

“Oh gosh.” You felt for her, tears welling in your eyes. “It’s 2020.”

“Oh.” Her face fell. “Wow.”

“It’s ok.” You lowered your voice. “I’m CIA. I’m going to get us out of here. I promise I’ll keep you safe.”

***

“Delilah.” Rossi opened the file in front of him. “Was that Roberta Suez?”

He pulled out a photograph and slid it across the table. You averted your gaze.

“Yes and please I don’t need to see it, I was there.”

“How did she end up in hospital fighting for her life?”

“You know how.” You huffed. “Look I’m starting to get fed up with this now.” You folded your arms. “Carlos Ramirez was a sick son of a bitch. If I hadn’t done what I did he would have killed all those women. I don’t regret what I did.”

“How did she end up in hospital?” He repeated.

“Good lord.” You grumbled. “I’ll talk but I don’t want to talk to you.”

Rossi narrowed his eyes on you.

“No? But I’m so compassionate.” He spoke sarcastically.

“I won’t say another word unless it’s to Reid.” You looked up to the two way mirror. You didn’t know why but you had a feeling he was there.

Sure enough it was barely twenty seconds before the door opened and Doctor Reid himself stepped in the room.

“I got this Rossi.” Spencer told the older man who stood up with a shrug.

Rossi left the room while Spencer took the seat he’d been occupying.

Did he remember you? It had been close to twenty years since you’d last seen each other. Had it not been for the olfactory memory that struck you when you put on his jacket you might never have remembered him.

But you knew the rest of his team was behind the two way glass, or at least some of them were so it didn’t seem an appropriate time to ask such things.

“So agent Y/L/N,” he smiled softly at you. “Can you please tell me how Delilah ended up in hospital?”

“You already know the answer to that Doctor but since you asked so nicely,” you leant your elbows on the table, entwined your fingers and rested your chin the little bridge you’d created. “She had a drug overdose. But you and I both know it wasn’t her who administered the drugs.”

“And who did?”

“I did.”

Your words hung in the air between you and Spencer. He knew the answer, the whole team did. You’d already told Agent Jareau everything.

This was a huge waste of time.

“I administered the drugs because he told me if I didn’t he would kill me. I needed to stay alive so I could save those women.”

“Who said he would kill you?”

“I don’t know his name.”

“It wasn’t Ramirez?”

“No.” You shook your head. “If it was Ramirez I would have shot him. But it must have been one of his right hand men.”

“How would you know that? You’d never met Ramirez correct?” Spencer had a soft tone to his voice which made his line of questioning easier than Agent Jareau’s.

“I’m not a profiler but I’ve been to enough seminars over the years. He didn’t fit the bill. He was young, scatty, he didn’t strike as much fear into the other women as I thought the boss would. I made an educated guess and I was right. If I’d shot at him I would have blown my chance at getting Ramirez.”

***

“Shit shit shit!” You pulled yourself as close to Delilah’s cot as possible with your restraint. “Delilah, keep breathing, try to breath. Fuck I am sorry.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks, the empty needle you’d been made to inject in her vein between your cots on the floor.

He’d held a gun to your head and said he would shoot you if you didn’t do it. You didn’t think he was bluffing.

“It happens a lot.” A woman opposite spoke up. “You’ll soon find out. If she wakes up she’ll have the pleasure of returning the favour.” She gave you an almost manic grin.

If she wakes up. It was the if you were having the issue with.

“Who’s in charge around here?”

She shrugged.

“Don’t know his name. Big guy. Tattoos. Mustache. You can’t miss him.”

“Does he come down here often?”

Again she shrugged.

“Being down here you have a way of losing track of time.” She clicked her tongue. “But he’ll be here for you later. He has to test his new girls.”

Your blood ran cold.

“Test?” You swallowed, pretty sure you knew what she meant.

“He can’t very well expect you to make him money if he doesn’t know how good you are.”

Oh god.

Your heartbeat raced. No, it was not going to come to that. You were a CIA agent and you were armed.

It was not going to come to that.

***

Spencer’s face paled a little at your words. You hadn’t told Agent Jareau that part.

“He was going to...he didn’t…”

“No.” You cut him off, pushing the memory back down. “I had a gun, remember.”

You offered him a wry smile.

“So you know what comes next.”

“I’d like you to tell me.”

The way he said it was more like he was a therapist than an FBI agent. As though he wanted you to tell him so you could get it off your chest, unburden yourself, rather than for interrogation purposes.

“Ok.” You nodded. “He came for me later that night. And that’s when it happened.”

***

“Ahh look at you.”

A deep, Spanish voice woke you.

Your eyes fluttered open and landed on a strong, tattooed man with a mustache standing over your cot.

This must be him.

“Tan hermosa.”

So beautiful.

You tried not to shudder.

You sat up wiggling your legs in your boots to make sure you could still feel your firearm. You could.

“Su nombre es Rosa.”

Your name is Rosa.

Guess again.

“Su nombre es Y/N.”

“Tú hablas español?”

You speak Spanish?

“Si.”

“Eres perfecta.” He grinned menacingly. “My clients will love you.”

He reached in his pocket and fished out a key chain. He reached over you and unlocked your cuff.

You rolled your wrist to try and get your blood circulating again.

“On your feet.”

You complied and stood up. Your legs were shaky.

He grasped your wrist, hard enough so you couldn’t wriggle free but not hard enough to leave a mark. He started dragging you across the room.

With his free hand he undid the four locks on the large steel door and pulled your through it. Once on the other side he took care to lock them all again, keeping a firm grasp on you the whole time.

You were dragged down a long, narrow corridor towards another steel door, this one with just one lock on.

He slid the key in and opened it, pulled you inside and locked it behind him.

The room was much smaller than the one you’d been held in and only housed a single cot.

He licked his lip as he looked at you. His large, thick fingers stroked your cheek and you had to try and hide your disgust.

“En la cama. Ahora.”

On the bed. Now.

You had to pick the opportune moment. You had to plan this just right. You had no doubt he had a gun on him so if you faltered even slightly, he would kill you.

“Qué tal esto.”

How about this.

You made a show of licking your lips and then dropping to your knees in front of him.

“Whoa, feisty. I like it.” He grinned, his meaty hands going to his belt buckle.

Yes. Right where you wanted him.

While he was fumbling with his belt, you reached your hand back into your left boot, drawing your gun in one swift move.

You head butted him in the crotch, sending him stumbling backwards, crying out in pain.

“Mierda!” Shit. “Usted puta!”

You whore!

You were on your feet in a second, your gun trained on him.

“You will never hurt another woman again.” You spat, furious tears suddenly streaming from your eyes.

He looked up at you, his mouth opened to speak.

But the words didn’t come out as your bullet hit him between the eyes.

“Who’s the puta now?”

***

“I would say,” Spencer chewed his lip. “You did what you had to do to survive.”

You breathed a sigh of relief.

Thank god.

“Thank you.” You smiled softly. “And I did. If I hadn’t shot him, who knows how many other women would have died.”

Spencer pushed his chair back and stood up.

“Just so you know, we got word from the hospital a little while ago. Roberta Suez, Delilah, is going to be just fine.”

“Oh thank god.” You felt tears brimming your eyes.

He opened the door and turned back to you.

“Are you coming?”

“I can leave?”

“You were never under arrest.” He smirked at you.

You couldn’t help but laugh.

You got up from the chair and Spencer motioned you out of the room.

“I’ll walk you out.” He showed you across the bullpen towards the elevators. There was an awkward air between the two of you.

Did you say anything? It didn’t seem as though he remembered you, was it worth reminding him?

He motioned you into the elevator first and he followed, pressing the button.

The elevator started its descent.

Time was running out.

“So uhm…” Spencer turned to you and turned too. “How’s your mom?”

A smile broke out on your features.

“I didn’t think you remembered me.”

“Are you kidding?” He laughed. “I recognised you the second you walked in.”

“It’s been twenty years.” You laughed.

“Eighteen years, seven months.” He corrected you. “But I could never forget your face.”

You blushed a little, averting your gaze.

“My moms doing ok. Thanks for asking. How’s your mom?” You looked back at him.

“Recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.” He told you sadly.

“Oh gosh I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok. These things happen.” He shrugged. “Made it to thirty without having a schizophrenic break but now I have to wait until I’m older to find out if I’ll develop Alzheimer’s.”

The doors to the elevator opened and you stepped out, Spencer close behind.

“I really am sorry Spencer.”

“It’s ok.” He shrugged. “Is your mom still at Bennington? I used to see her when I went to visit my mom but I moved her out a little while ago.”

“Yeah she’s still there. She likes being close to my dad.”

You both hovered by the exit, not ready to say goodbye.

“Can I take you for coffee? If you don’t have anywhere else to be.” Spencer blushed as he spoke.

“I’d like that. A lot actually. But I’d really like to shower and change out of this getup.” You laughed. “How about dinner?”

“Dinner sounds perfect.” He grinned at you.

You gave him a smile and turned to leave but before you made it to the door Spencer spoke again.

“Y/N,” he called your name, his voice cracking a little. “You uh...you forgot something.”

You turned to face him curiously.

He walked closer to you and without a second thought, placed his hands on your face and kissed you.

For a second you stood frozen, in shock of what was going on.

But after a few moments you wrapped your arms around his neck and opened your mouth to deepen the kiss.

When the kiss ended you were both smiling at one another.

“What was that for?” You asked softly.

“Oh you know…” he shrugged with a coy smile. “Just something that needed to be done.”

“I’ll meet you back here in a few hours.” You told him, touching his chest briefly.

“Ok.”

“Bye Spencer Reid.”

“Bye Y/N Y/L/N.” He croaked.

And with that you sauntered out the doors but not out of his life.

***

Las Vegas, Nevada - 1999

“Spencer?” You’d only made it a few paces away from Bennington before you stopped in your tracks, calling his name. “You uh...you forgot something.”

He turned to face you curiously.

You walked closer to him and without a second thought, placed your hands on his face and kissed him.

He stood frozen, in shock of what was going on.

It was just a brief kiss, Spencer was too confused to do anything but stand there dumbly.

“Wh-what was that for?” He swallowed.

“Just something that needed to be done.” You smiled. “Bye Spencer Reid.”

“Bye Y/N Y/L/N.”

And with that you sauntered back down the street, hoping that one day, the universe would lead you back into each other’s lives.

—————————————————————

Taglist (let me know if you would like to be added) -

@muffin-cup

@andiebeaword

@mggsprettygirl @measure-in-pain

[reidsnose]

completely and utterly, wholeheartedly and hopelessly (spencer reid x reader)

overview: spencer helps his best friend talk through her emotions

genre: angst? and fluff

warnings: mentions of cheating, bad coping mechanisms, idrk what else reader being upset for a little bit

a/n: this has been sitting in my notes app FOREVER but idk how i feel ab this one im usually strictly fluff so yall lmk :)

masterlist

you hated talking about your feelings. you knew it was unhealthy to keep it bottled and and 'deal with it on your own' but that didn't stop you from doing exactly that.

the worst part about your feelings right now was that you isolate to cope with them. you didn't want to interact with anyone at all because more likely than not you would lash out at them on accident. it just slips out sometimes.

when you trudged into the bullpen with your head down and your hands fidgeting with your zipper, you didn't even notice all eyes on you. you werent your usual happy self. you weren't being loud, you weren't cracking jokes. you were just begrudgingly existing amongst your favorite people and they knew there was something wrong.

"good morning gorgeous, its a paperwork day! that means no traveling!" garcia informed you brightly, trying to lighten my mood.

"oh. cool. thanks." you answered back, flashing her as much of a smile as you could muster after realizing the harshness of your words.

she shot morgan a look, to which he raised an eyebrow.

"hey pretty lady," he began as he walked over to you, "whats going on? did you drink some grumpy juice for breakfast?"

"no. im fine." you replied flatly, making your way to your desk.

"what in the world.." he whispered to garcia, not knowing you could still hear.

or maybe he did know. maybe he was trying to get on your nerves. no. this is the irritability talking. morgan was just being a good friend.

you groaned at your computer, retyping the same password for the 4th time.

this time Prentiss shot you a look.

"is everything ok?" she asked, smiling slightly.

"yeah my computer is being stupid." you rolled your eyes as it finally let you in.

"oh i know the feeling. if you need any help-"

"I'm alright. thanks." you cut her off, eyes glued to the file you were working on.

JJ, who had witnessed the whole interaction unfold, stood with her mouth agape.

"spence, your bestie needs you!" JJ tapped his shoulder and motioned to you.

he watched your jaw rhythmically clench and unclench. your tell. thats what you always did when you were irritated or angry.

"hey y/n," he hummed, sitting lightly on the corner of your desk, crinkling some of your paper work.

"Reid! my files!" you cried, swatting his thigh. he got up and murmured an apology.

"are you ok?" he asked simply, crouching down to meet your height as you sat in your chair.

"why does everyone keep asking me that!"

you knew why. you were being a bitch.

"you just called me Reid." he stated.

"its your name." you replied, not meeting his gaze.

"yeah but you always-" he began.

"I'm not in the mood right now."

he sighed, "if you need someone to talk to-"

"i don't need anyone to talk to because theres nothing to talk about!" you interrupted, causing him to furrow his eyebrows at the tone of my voice.

'i shouldn't be mean to him. why am i acting like this?' you thought to yourself

"ok, ill be over there if you need me," he threw his hands up in surrender.

you mumbled an ok and went back to distracting yourself with work. you were so invested in filing these cases you completely lost track of time and before you knew it, it was just you, Hotch, and Spencer left in the office. you vaguely remembered waving goodbye to your other coworkers but you didn't remember it being nearly 6pm.

"guys go home, you've done a lot today," Hotch said as he crossed the bullpen, making his way towards the glass doors.

"yeah i will i'm almost done," you answered, not looking up from my screen.

"good night, Hotch," Spencer called from the break room.

you stared at your screen, eyes burning. you did enough. you cant escape confronting your feelings much longer. you sighed as you began packing up.

as if on cue, Spencer walked out of the break room with two cups in his hands, steam rising from the both of them. your mood softened just a bit.

"here," he handed you your drink which he had filled with your favorite tea and sweetened just the way you like it.

"you didnt have to." you replied, setting down the warm cup as you finished packing up. he mirrored your movements, resting his satchel across his torso before picking his drink back up.

"i know." he answered simply, a gentle smiling resting on his lips before he took a sip of his own tea.

"im sorry for snapping at you earlier." you apologized, finally meeting his gaze. his eyes were soft and sweet and you felt a pang of guilt in your heart as they looked into your own.

"its ok. do you want to tell me why?" he asked, walking to the elevator with you.

"no. yes? i dont know. its stupid." you replied, looking down at the floor as you recounted your reason for my anger today.

"its not stupid." he spoke softly.

you scoffed lightly, "you dont even know what it is."

"so tell me."

"but its dumb!"

"y/n." he warned.

"my ex boyfriend, Ashton, is getting married to the girl he cheated on me with." you sighed, walking through the parking lot with Spencer.

"ah so Trashton put my favorite ray of sunshine in a bad mood." he joked, breath swirling around the cool air as he spoke

you let out a weary chuckle, "its not like i miss him or anything, i just wish i had someone! not him- i just- i want- ugh i don't know how to word this!" you grew frustrated, furrowing your eyebrows and balling your hands into fists.

you knew exactly how to word it.

you wanted Spencer.

"its ok, take all the time you need." he whispered, leaning on the hood of your car. you joined him, resting as you took a sip of your tea.

"why am i not good enough to be loved." you stated the question rather than asking it, eyes filling with tears.

"you are good enough and i promise you that you are loved more than you know." he affirmed gently, turning to face you.

"do you know why we broke up?" you asked, knowing if you acknowledged his previous comment you wouldn't be able to continue without sobbing.

"because he cheated on you." he answered confidently.

"no." you shook your head, fighting back tears.

"what? he didn't cheat on you?"

"he did. and i was going to forgive him for that."

Spencer started getting riled up, "what! why? you're worth more than that scumbag! you shouldn't ha-"

"Spencer just let me finish!" you cut him off. he went silent, chest rising and falling more rhythmically than it had seconds earlier. "he wanted me to chose. him or you."

"him or me?" he furrowed his eyebrows, voice much quieter now.

"mhm." you hummed not meeting his gaze, your cheeks redder than you'd like to admit.

"i don't understand." he breathed.

"he thought i was cheating on him with you. he had no proof and it w-"

"oh this is all my fault. y/n i'm so sorry!"

"no! spence its not your fault!" you grabbed his arm to reassure him.

"it is! your boyfriend broke up with you because of me! and now you're sad and lonely and its all my fault!" he cried, looking worriedly into your eyes.

"first of all, i broke it off with him, he just gave the ultimatum. secondly, you did me a favor."

"how?"

"by showing me who i was really dating. a cheating, insecure scumbag who was quick to replace me when i left."

"i guess thats true."

"and id pick you over him any day." you admitted, looking back down at the ground. he nudged your shoulder playfully and you cracked a sad smile

"im sorry i made you sad and lonely."

"you didnt. id be sad and lonely anyway."

"why? you would still have a boyfriend if it wasn't for me."

"i don't want a boyfriend if it isn't you."

shit. shit.

the words toppled out of your mouth before you could stop them.

"what?" he asked, wide eyes and looking a little shocked. spencer was sure in that very moment that if he heard you correctly hed simply explode.

"i- no this was a bad idea. i just ruined everything didnt i!" you were speaking more to yourself, exasperated at your own stupidity.

"no," you felt him place a finger to your chin and lift your gaze to meet his, "im glad you said it because now i can admit it."

"admit what?"

"that im completely and utterly, wholeheartedly and hopelessly in love with you."

"spencer dont play with my heart like this. are you being serious?"

"yes. i am." he said with a strange confidence than you had never heard before. hesitant but sure.

"oh thats so lucky because i am completely and utterly, wholeheartedly and hopelessly in love with you too." you admitted, feeling about 100 pounds lighter, like you could fly. he pulled you into a bone crushing hug which you eagerly accepted. "i should talk about my feelings more often."

he chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to the crown of your head, "yes you should."

world littlest taglist:

@mac99martin

[yelenasdog]

it was a pleasure to burn (spencer reid x fem bau!reader)

genre: fluff i think even though the name is v angsty LOL it’s a literal screenplay with the amout of dialogue i wrote LMAO so idk

summary: a particularly rough and disturbing case gets to reader, and spencer and reader are brought together by this.

words: just about 6k (my longest fic ahhHH)

warnings: typical criminal minds gore and violence just up a notch, they get on a plane at the end, somebody gets ~shot~, somebody gets ~bonked~, cursing, mentions of reid’s addiction, and i think that’s it. also the reader wears reading glasses but that’s the only predetermined factor of appearance. btw i don’t think i used any pronouns in this but i apologize if i’m wrong. 

a/n: LMFAO i was outside awhile ago celebrating litha with a nice lil hike and i saw a butterfly and i had just started watching cm and was like hMMm... killer who’s obsessed with symmetry??!1??!? y Es. enjoy 😼 EDIT: THERE IS SO MANY PLOT HOLES OMG FBREHJBFHEJFRE IM RBFBRE

🂦∙🂦∙🂦

Present Day, Central Park, New York

“Aren’t they just stunning?” The unsub spoke, keeping her eyes trained on the butterfly sitting happily on her finger. The brightly colored creature fluttered off her hand that was dripping scarlet, flying around her curly head of brown hair. Her, formerly white, blood-stained dress flowed around her as she followed it, watching in awe as it soared about. She giggled, plopping down on the grass in the middle of a circle of her victim’s pale, lifeless bodies, all of them with ironically morbid butterflies resting upon the frail skin of the corpses.

“Aren’t they, agents?”

She slanted her green eyes, gripping the grass a little harder. I flicked my tongue over my lips nervously, looking over to the lanky man on my left. He simply shrugged, just about as sure of how to handle the situation just as much as I was.

“If I knew you all were coming, I would have cleaned up, I really would have, I promise.”

We slowly walked towards her, twigs and leaves crunching under our feet. It could have been comparable to a hunter stalking its prey, but it unfortunately was quite the opposite.

6 days earlier, Quantico, Virginia

“3 bodies, all found within the last 48 hours in rural New York. So far, the first body has revealed that although it was dumped upstate, the victim was murdered in the city, and the same most likely goes for the other bodies as well. Nails well manicured, no drugs in the system. They aren't junkies, we’re dealing with upper class citizens.”

My face contorted as I took the photos from Reid’s hands, his large and tanned one surprising me by how soft it felt as it accidentally brushed against mine. I blushed like a madman, looking to see him doing the same thing. I cleared my throat getting Rossi’s attention.

“Why are we only now hearing of this?” I questioned, flipping through the images as I did so, my confusion only growing. I didn’t recieve an answer, leaving my curiosity to bloom.

“Wait, how did you say they were killed again?”

Morgan looked up, taking the photos from me. “He didn’t.”

I sighed, pushing my glasses up on my nose.

“Is there at least any correlation between the bodies and the butterflies?”

Our attention was shifted to JJ, the resident expert on the insects.

“Actually, the ones being found with the bodies are from the Amarynthis family, all native to Latin America. They weren’t there by accident so yes, they’re somehow related.”

Rossi stood up, grabbing his coat.

“Well, none of this is nearly enough for a profile, so pack your bags and tell the others, wheels up in an hour. We’re headed to New York.”

4 days earlier, F.B.I. Field Office, New York, New York

“The final report from the latest victim is in, all the autopsies are clean. They show no signs of struggles, no marks, no blood, no anything. The eyes weren’t bloodshot, so suffocation is ruled out, and that was our best bet.”

I sighed, sliding the case file across the glass table to Spence as I took my seat, sinking into it and allowing myself to be consumed by its warmth.

“So what your saying is that we’re back at square one.”

I looked up at Hotch from where I sat, running my hand through my ponytail.

“Yeah. That’s what I’m saying.”

Just then, the young Doctor spoke up as he flipped through the pages.

“The eyes weren’t just not bloodshot, there was barely any blood left in any of the victims bodies, only about 3% of the volume left. The killer drained them.”

Morgan gave me a shocked expression, silently asking for an explanation.

“Which you failed to mention, Y/n.” Aaron spoke, agitation once again present in his voice.

I looked at the ceiling, crossing my arms in front of me before turning to face Hotch once more.

“Yeah, well, I thought it was obvious when I said no blood.” I stuttered out cautiously.

“On the bodies! Not in the bodies!” Morgan exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air in what was in my opinion, very childish. Everyone else in the room aside from Spencer was either shaking their heads or pinching the bridge of their noses, and reasonably so.

“Look, I’m sorry I just didn’t see it in the report, plus, In the scheme of things, it just doesn’t seem to matter.”

I soon regretted my words, realizing how ill-fit they were for the current conversation I was having. Spencer looked up, tilting his head.

“Doesn’t seem to matter? How? There’s an endless amount of possibilities now that we know this. If we had known it sooner we probably could have figured out the pattern and caught the one doing this!” He harshly spewed, his voice acting like a crescendo of sorts, quiet and calm and moving towards a loud and violent tone. Tears began to prick at the corners of my eyes and I was starting to feel guilty, not to mention absolutely stupid as could be.

“I’m- I really am sorry guys, truly.”

Hotch locked eyes with me, taking a stern tone that one would usually take with a disobedient child, perhaps even Jack.

“I hope that’s a comfort to you when another body shows up. That’s their blood on your hands.”

I was frozen, the gravity of the situation taking its toll.

In the background I heard him say something to Morgan about a new profile having to be made as there were many new things to be known from this revelation. But it all went in one ear and out the other, just unpleasant white noise.

As I clumsily stumbled out of the room, I felt Reid’s eyes burning holes into the back of my brain. I was quick to turn my head to meet his glance, causing him to look down. I felt bad, the weight on my chest growing heavier from the interaction.

I sat down at my desk, turning on my computer and immediately going to google. I typed in “hypnosis” and let the info trickle in.

About 30 minutes later, I still felt absolutely horrible, but I had also put together a valuable profile in the time that had passed. I shut the newly finished file, blowing an abandoned strand of hair out from my eyes. I had to do a double take when I saw Spencer staring once more, his deep hazel eyes meeting my own. I gave him a small smile before standing up and walking to Hotch’s makeshift New York office. I pushed open the heavy door, placing the folder on his too-clean desk.

“What’s this?” He asked, taking it in his hands.

“My theory about the unsub. I think I know what she’s been doing. You can tell the team if you want, I’m not sure if they would wanna hear it from me. ”

He gave a small smile, pushing the file back over to me.

“You get the team together and I’ll get the local PD caught up. You tell them yourself.”

A few minutes later, everyone except for Reid had gathered in the meeting room. I peeked through the half closed blinds that allowed a line of vision to his desk in an attempt to locate him. He was positioned there, staring blankly at his laptop that appeared to have nothing on the screen. I knocked on the window lightly to catch his attention, his glazed over eyes looking in my direction. I tilted my head at him, silently beckoning him to join me. He only shook his in response, shaggy brown locks swaying back and forth. I sighed, frowning at his action. I turned to the group, clasping my hands in front of me.

“Everyone, this will just be a second if you’ll excuse me.”

With a raised eyebrow from Hotchner and a jab in the direction of Spencer’s workspace, I swiftly walked out of the crowded room.

“Spence, care to join us?” I asked, resting one of my hands against my hip, the other on his orderly desk.

“No, I don’t think I will. I need to try to figure this out before she finds her next victim.”

“What makes you think the unsub is a she?” I searched his eyes that had seemingly become brighter at my piqued interest in his hypothesis.

“Well, the unsub seems to be obsessed with symmetry, all the bodies being found in obscure yet symmetrical positions. This could suggest she had some sort of deep rooted insecurity, possibly from some sort of bullying from growing up in a small town where she was looked at as a superior for subpar looks. She moved to the big city, expecting a big break. Instead she was shunned for being less than average. She grew frustrated and as a result, she began her killing spree. The stresser could have been one too many insults that made her snap. Plus, that would account for the butterflies left on the scenes that are used in modern examples of both femininity and symmetry.”

I smiled widely at his words.

“What- why are you smiling, what are you smiling at?”

I tapped his desk, rolling my bottom lip between my teeth. I headed back towards the conference room, looking over my shoulder.

“Because, I’m glad we’re on the same page, Dr.”

——————

“So, our girl, as Dr. Reid has explained to us, is obsessed with her appearance. She’s an organized killer, no mistakes and no signs of blood or anything of the sort on scene. She has practice, she does this sort of thing every day. She is most likely in the age group of 23-30, and has a job in the cosmetic industry, our guess is in plastic surgery. She probably volunteers weekends at local butterfly sanctuaries or zoos, finding comfort in their perfection that those in her life, or formerly in her life, cannot and could not provide.”

“Which would explain to her easy access to non-native species of the insects. She has an absolute infatuation with symmetry, which yet again, links the butterflies on the crime scene to her MO.”

Spencer and I were vividly explaining our shared theory to the team, as well as local law enforcement. He was excited by his discovery and the lead on the killer, and his energy was contagious.

“She kills without remorse and out of jealousy, picking victims who all have one thing in common.”

Spence pointed to all of the images pasted on the board in the center of the room, all of them split in half and reflected, creating a perfect mirrored portrait.

“They all have perfectly symmetrical faces, as well as strong jawlines and high cheekbones. As most of these victims are models or those searching to start a modeling career, we believe she is luring them in with a photographer trope, promising to make their dreams come true.”

I nodded, taking a moment to study Reid’s own sharp yet somehow soft features. I allowed my eyes to wander over his sunken in, kind, and curious eyes; his pillowy pink lips that are in dire need of some chapstick.

“Agent?”

I turned my head, snapped back to reality by Rossi calling my name.

I gave a tight and quick smile, returning to the topic at hand and tactics to catch the unsub. But of course not before Emily gave me a crooked smile, resulting in me rolling my eyes.

“Physically, she’s nothing special, most likely a mundane appearance or one with quite obvious surgical changes. No in between. Check all of the plastic surgeon offices in the area for both employees who fit our description, as well as a patient who has gotten any serious facial mod operations. Do the same for any weekend volunteers at local zoos and animal sanctuaries, specifically working with any insects.”

It was an NYPD officer then that spoke up this time, raising her hand briefly.

“But, you still haven’t mentioned how she’s killing them?”

“Hypnosis.” Reid and I both spoke at the same time. He looked to his black Converse, sliding his hands into his pockets. I observed the room and all of the skeptical faces filling it.

“Even if it may sound far fetched, we saw no signs of anything that indicated a struggle or even any marks or wounds. This led us to believe that some form of hypnosis was used to allow her an easy kill. This means extra caution will have to be taken when actually handling the unsub. Even though we’re positive she’s using hypnosis, which method she is using to actually kill them after the fact is what we’re unsure of.”

I turned to Spencer, handing off the explanation to him.

“We think that because of her whole thing with symmetry, she wouldn’t want to disturb the natural state of the victims and their faces, even if she would do the same to her own.”

“Which means?” JJ asked, her blue eyes slanted and glossed lips left ajar.

“It means that the unsub wouldn’t want to leave any large marks like stab or gunshot wounds.” I nodded at Prentiss, who had made the assumption, confirming she was correct.

“With her presumed background in plastic surgery, we believe she was able to make small incisions that made no visible scars. We’re having the coroner look back over the bodies as we speak.”

“She drains the body’s blood 97% of the way before closing the holes up. What she does with the blood, we don’t know. Another Eddie Mays, perhaps.”

I looked over to Spencer, raising my brows at his comparison. He was quick to defend himself, shaking his hands left to right and mouthing “No” while simultaneously shaking his head the same way, something he seemed to be doing often as of late.

After we had finished consulting with any officers who had remaining questions, we branched off to conduct our own routine investigations. We found that the only thing they all had in common apart from the symmetrical faces, is that they all had visited the Central Park Zoo in the 24 hours before they were killed. We received a phone call from Garcia not long after we put together those pieces, being alerted that there was one girl who had, in her words, “Hit every mark there was to hit, sunshine.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

“Her name is Alessia Copelas, she works weekdays as a surgeon's assistant at Premier Cosmetic, and weekends at Central Park Zoo from 4-8 p.m.”

I smiled at the new info from the blonde bombshell known as Penelope, turning to Reid who was still looking at me quizzically.

“Alright, thanks babes, you’re the best.” I spoke into the phone, a comical “Mwah!” made from either side as we hung up.

He shook his head, keeping the odd look on his face.

“I swear, you guys have a weirder relationship than her and Morgan.”

I laughed, sliding my phone into my back pocket.

“Oh, please, Spence.” I gingerly placed a hand on his cheek, patting it twice.

“You’re just jealous.” I made a pouty face, letting my hand linger before walking off. “Come on, we’re going on a field trip.”

“Where to?” He asked, gripping the door frame, using it as leverage to swing himself closer to me. He took long and quick strides, catching up to me in no time.

“You like animals, right?”

———————

4 Days Earlier, Central Park Zoo, New York

As soon as we entered the zoo, our ears were filled with the sounds of the loud screeches of birds and monkeys alike. Reid covered his ears, cringing and making his displeasure known with an “Ahh!”

I smiled at his geeky behavior, admiring the animals in the enclosures. I paid special attention to a particularly impressive species of tarantula, leaning down to admire them. A few moments later I looked to my left and saw Spencer doing the same thing.

“Did you know that arachnids have asthma which is why they don’t run for extended periods of time, similarly to cheetahs?”

“Yes I did.”

His face scrunched up in an adorable manner, causing an involuntary giggle to fall past my lips.

“Well did you know that-“

“Ma’am?”

I turned to see a young woman with flaming red hair and a freckled face smiling at me, her green collared uniform top complimenting her eyes of a different shade wonderfully.

“Oh, hi, I’m Agent Y/l/n and this is Dr. Reid, we’re with the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI.”

Her expression shifted to a more confused one, her smile not leaving her face.

“What can I do for you two?”

“Is there an Alessia Copelas that works here, maybe volunteers on the weekends?” Spencer asked, his puppy dog eyes immediately warranting a response.

“Yeah, she volunteers here, she seems nice. Is she helping with an investigation?”

“Well we think that she may have some part in a series of murders.”

Her smile disappeared this time, turning into a cement frown as panic flooded her body.

“Oh God, was she- Is she a killer? Have I been working with a killer for all this time? I mean, I never had any shifts with her but from what I heard I thought she was so sweet-“

“Look,”

Reid glanced down to her name tag that read “Lillian” before meeting her eyes. His tongue darted out, licking his lips, a nervous habit of his I’d picked up on.

“Lillian, we aren’t sure if she’s the killer we just needed to get a feel on her and get some information regarding her personal life.”

She started frantically nodding her head, more trying to convince herself she was okay rather than ourselves. I looked over her shoulder at some exhibits, thinking to myself how this would end up being a waste of our time if this poor girl couldn’t get a grip on herself.

I was soon proven wrong when I looked over to see a young girl wearing an identical uniform to Lillian, probably somewhere between 23 and 24. She had untamed chocolate locks with bangs that stopped just above the shoulder, blemishes covering her T-Zone, and a rounded face to go with it.

The cherry on top? Under her arm she carried a small enclosure with what appeared to be amarynthis meneria, the same butterflies found on the victims.

I tapped Reid on the shoulder once as discreetly as possible, catching his attention. I heard him mutter a small “Oh God” before he told Lillian to walk away calmly and quickly. She ignored his request, turning to look at Alessia, letting out a blood curdling scream and sprinting the other direction.

“Shit.” I cursed, beginning to walk towards Alessia, Spencer by my side. I smiled at her, trying to appear friendly. Reid spoke up as we got closer.

“Hello, do you by any chance-“

wham!

“Spence!” I exclaimed, reaching down to help him up from where he had fallen from being whacked by the 4’2 pyscho that was Alessia Copelas.

“Did she get away?”

I turned to see her gone, the only sign she was even here being the forming bruise on the Dr’s face.

“Yeah. She did. I’m sorry, Reid, that was really stupid of me.” He shook his head, running his own hand over the raw skin.

“It’s fine, I would have done the same for you.” He looked up, and I wasn’t sure if it was my school-girl esque crush on him or the fact I just had another experience with a serial killer, but my heart was racing nonetheless.

————————

F.B.I. Field Office, New York, New York, 1 Day Earlier

The stress levels in the room were high.

Despite our best efforts, several more bodies had been found, New York’s narcissists were in a state of panic, and the spirits of the BAU were down to say the least.

“What? Are you kidding me?” I exclaimed, looking at Hotch in disbelief.

He rolled his chocolate eyes, fanning the folder containing the new information we had gathered on Alessia.

“I wish I was, Y/n. She’s off the grid completely, her apartment is empty, phone and credit cards have been deactivated, and the surgeon’s office hasn’t heard from her for 5 days. And the media has decided to give her the name ‘Butterfly Baron’, so she’s probably been fueled even further. We need a new lead before she strikes again.”

I scoffed, standing up and pushing my chair away.

“This is unbelievable. How many times do we have to reinforce the idea to local PD! Especially when the unsub is a self absorbed psycho, do not give them a name! God, I really cannot fathom this.”

I reached up, letting my hair down from where I had messily thrown it up upon my arrival to work that morning.

I stormed out of the room, my heels clicking behind me. I ignored Hotch’s calling of my name, making my way to the closest restroom.

I went in, locking the door behind him. I ran my hands through my roots, tugging just enough to where it hurt.

Turning the water to the left all the way, I splashed it from the stream leaving the faucet on to my face. I scratched my fingernails against the skin, wiping away the tears that had escaped.

“This is all your fault, y/n.” I whispered at myself in the mirror, doing my absolute best to engrain the message in my brain. I had my head hung in shame when a knock rang out.

“Y/n?”

It was Spencer. My mind started going a million miles a minute, thinking about why he could be there. With my voice raised a few octaves, I tried to scrape up a response.

“I’ll be out in a few, Spence.”

It was quiet for a split second, leaving me to foolishly dance around the idea that he had left me to wallow in my sorrowful thoughts.

“Y/n, Hotch wanted me to check on you. Are you ok?”

My heart slightly sank at the idea that he might’ve just come to check on me because he himself was worried. I discarded the thought, bringing myself back.

“Y/n can you please answer me? If you don’t open the door I’m gonna send in JJ or Emily.”

I sighed, wiping under my eyes where my mascara had smudged, begrudgingly walking over to the door. Just as my hand landed on the silver handle, his voice that was constantly playing in my head echoed out once more.

“Y/n, please? I need to know you’re okay. I’ll come in there myself.”

A soft smirk graced my face as I turned the handle to reveal a worried looking Spencer.

“Y/n, oh God, you had me worried.”

He was quiet when he spoke and his hair looked messy, like he had been running his slender fingers through it in a stress filled state.

I sniffled, attempting to still keep back tears that were still threatening to spill.

“I’m alright, Spencer. Really, I’m fine.”

He gave me a small smile, his eyes meeting my own.

“I know, it’s just that when I had my Diludad problem,” he hesitated.

“I would lock myself in bathrooms to shoot up, and I know you aren’t having a problem like that but I just was worried about you- what are you doing?”

I cut off his rambling by throwing my arms around his middle. He tensed, but quickly melted. He wrapped his strong arms around my shoulders and my waist, laying his head on mine.

“Y/n, I promise you, you’re doing your absolute best to stop Alessia. We wouldn’t even be where we are right now if you hadn’t made the connections. Those deaths are not your fault.”

My tears finally began to cascade like a waterfall, staining his shirt.

“I know, but it’s just like it is all my fault! I could have paid closer attention, or-or, I could have went after her at the zoo, it’s all my fucking fault, Reid.”

I sobbed into his shirt, my hand gripping his shirt like my life depended on it. Like if I let go I would fall into a deep, deep, endless hole.

His hand on my waist moved up to cradle my head.

“It’s not, I promise you-“

He was cut off mid sentence by the ringing of his phone.

“I am so, so sorry-”

I pulled away, breifly touching under my nose with my wrist, then moving a hair behind my ear.

“Nope, it’s fine, don’t worry.” Our words almost had overlapped each other as we clambered to fight the tension that had risen. I closed my eyes, tilting my head up, thinking about how unprofessional yet intimate our previous position had been. How wrong, yet how right it felt.

I kept running the moment through my head, the feeling of his warm figure encasing mine on replay.

His phone call played as background noise to the film playing in my brain, his voice calming me to an extent.

“Yeah, we’re on our way. Thanks, Morgan.”

He closed the phone with a snap, also snapping me out of my trance, putting the movie on pause.

“They’ve got a hit. Copelas was seen dropping by her old apartment.”

And for the first time since that Goddamn case had started, I smiled genuinely.

“Let’s go get her.”

————————

15 Minutes Prior, Central Park, New York

“Hotch?”

“Yes?” He looked back from where he was driving, following our lead in a rushed manner.

“What will we do if she...” I trailed off.

“Hypnotizes one of us?” He finished for me. I nodded solemnly.

The look on his face was conflicted and it took him a moment to come up with a response.

“We kill her before we have to kill one of our team members.”

He saw a look of uncertainty on my face and spoke up once more.

“And that’s an order.”

I nodded again, making eye contact with him through the rear view mirror. I fell back into my seat, closing my eyes briefly.

After a few more minutes on the road, we had arrived.

The doors all slammed to the SUVs, one after the other as we stepped out.

“The letter said that she would be here, somewhere here.”

The voice of Morgan was channeling through my earpiece, referring to the letter found at her apartment that she had left just for us.

“We ordered evac on citizens, correct?”

The unsure voice of JJ was also heard through the earpiece, her uncertainty quite unusual to hear.

“Yes, it was the first thing we did, Jayj.”

I whispered, a sly smirk from Spencer forming at my behavior.  

“Oh shut up.”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

snap!

Our senses adapted, becoming dialed to 11 at the sound of a twig snapping under someone's feet.

“Was that you?” I mouthed to Spencer. He shook his head no and I silently cursed to whatever force was listening.

I nodded, which he then reciprocated, the pair of us slowly walking towards the source of the sound after he did.

“They’re going to remember me, I’ll go down in history.”

The voice was sing-songy and quiet, floating through the air. I took a shaky breath, continuing my steady pace.

My breathing momentarily halted soon after.

Different variations of “Oh my God”s, and loud gasps from almost everyone on the team flooded my ear canal at the horrifying sight in front of us.

Red. So much of it.

“Guys, I think we know what she’s been doing with the bodies’ blood.”

“No shit.” I muttered under my breath.

She was bathed in the blood, it looked like something straight out of a horror movie.

“Alright everyone, I want you to approach her as quietly as possible, Morgan, if you get the chance, corner her.”

Hotch’s voice was a stark contrast to her own, Derek’s response all the same.

—————————

Present Day, Central Park, New York

“But Agents, you still haven’t answered my question. They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

“Alessia Copeleas, FBI, come on, get up, lets go.”

Derek’s voice was stern, not asking, but demanding that Alessia come with us.

“I’m afraid I just can’t do that, Agents.”

She stood up abruptly, causing all of our weapons to rise. The sun reflected off of the silver metal of Reid’s gun, sparkling in a stunning way that caught me off guard.

We all were trying to act as if we were in total control of the situation, but we could tell that us nor Copelas really believed that. Her words were her weapon, and this was the one time where words could hurt, but sticks and stones had virtually no power.

“Take another step and we will have no hesitation to fire.”

She smirked, rolling her eyes.

“If you do, will I be famous you think? You think they’ll hear about me back home?”

Her curls softly blew in the wind, making her appear almost harmless, maybe even endearing, if it wasn’t for the hardening coat of human blood soaking her clothes and seeping from her skin.

“Is that what you want? The kids back home and everyone here to hear about you? You want ‘Butterfly Baron’ written on every billboard in Times Square, your picture painted in museums, films to be made in your honor?” Reid was the one who spoke up this time, his voice remaining strong. Her eyes shone with a sickening excitement at what he said.

“You want to be famous?”

She nodded vigorously.

“Too bad.”

My eyes widened, surprised at the detour the conversation had taken.

“What-what do you mean?”

“Please, the only thing people will hear about is a sad, boring little girl from a small town who killed to feel better about herself. They’ll forget about you in a week, who knows, maybe they’ll even grow an infatuation with your town, someone you went to school with may get as lucky as to catch their big break!” He laughed, while Alessia looked absolutely devastated.

“You? You’ll be a nobody.”

“That’s not true! I’ll go down in history, and they won’t! I’m the fucking butterfly baron for hells sake! All these people?” She gestured towards her field of bodies.

“You won’t remember their names, maybe not even their pretty faces, but me? I’ll live forever.”

Her nostrils flared and she strode over to Reid with purpose. The safety on my glock clicked off, but Spencer motioned for me to wait. So I did.

“You know, Agent-“

“It’s Doctor.”

This visibly agitated her even more as she started her sentence over again.

“Doctor, you have a beautiful bone structure. Absolutely perfect. Symmetrical, not to mention just flat out stunning.”

A glaze formed over Spencer’s honey eyes at her words. He lowered his gun momentarily before turning towards me, Copelas doing the same.

“And you, Agent. Wow. I feel like I’m in an art exhibit, you’re gorgeous. I think the Doctor man here would agree.”

As he lifted his revolver at me, the situation became all too real as I understood what was happening.

I either had to shoot the man that I was struggling to admit I was beginning to love, or died at the hands of the very same man.

Tears flooded my eyes, all safeties were turned down, and all guns were pointed at Reid.

“Spence, please.”

My voice was weak, something that seemed to bring Alessia lots of joy.

She laughed before talking again, commanding Spencer.

“Pathetic, really! Spence”, she mocked,“shoot her.”

“No!”

bang!

whack!

--------------------- 

Present Day, Somewhere In The Sky, The Jet

I opened my eyes from where I had been tackled to the ground by Hotch, surveying my surroundings to see Alessia laying on the grass, the source of her gunshot wound non-distinguishable from the previous blood on her body.

I looked to the right to see where Spencer had crumpled to, his frame bent in a discombobulated position.

“Spencer!” I cried out, crawling over to him like some sort of dog,

“What happened to him?”

“Y/n, he was going to shoot you-“

“I don’t care you should have let him!”

I cradled his head in my lap, allowing my pent up tears to fall.

“Y/n?”

My eyes snapped open for real this time, my mind calmed at the sight of Spencer sitting next to me on the couch, gently shaking my shoulder in an attempt to wake me from my nightmare.

“Spencer! Sorry, was I too loud?”

He chuckled, gesturing to the rest of the sleeping plane around us.

“You’re fine, I wasn’t sleeping, I decided to reread ‘Fahrenheit 451’ for nostalgia purposes. And you weren’t that loud, you just looked like you were having a bad dream.”

I chuckled at the not-so outlandish idea in an attempt to diminish it from his mind and move on.

“I’m fine. But fun fact, I did have nightmares after reading ‘The Veldt’. Seriously, I don’t get how you can just reread Bradbury’s stuff all the time.”

The genius scoffed, starting a rant on how Ray Bradbury’s storytelling was just classic literature and deserved to be reread, thus successfully changing the topic as I hoped my statement would. Although soon after, he caught on much quicker than I would have liked him to.

“And not to mention, The Veldt alone could be seen as a forewarning to the 21st century and beyond, even Bradbury himself supported that interpretation-‘

I gave him a tired smile, enjoying his rambling like I always did.

“-and you totally just got me to change the subject.”

“I was wondering when you were gonna catch up.”

“Hey!”

He laughed as I rested my head on my hand, trying to fall back asleep.

“Really, I can tell those nightmares are bad. What’s going on?” He questioned, his tone empathetic and compassionate.

“It’s nothing, Reid. I just keep seeing in the park, when Alessia got shot and you-you got hurt but instead of getting up like you did in real life, you just…”

I trailed off, not wanting to relive the negative dream any longer for fear of the tears that were pricking my eyes escaping.

“It’s okay, that didn’t happen, I’m right here.”

He pulled me into a hug, allowing me to bury my head in the crook of his neck, his warmth consuming me once more, a sequel to the film from earlier.

“I know, but what if it hadn’t?” I asked as I pulled away.

He shook his head, reaching for his wallet.

“In this job, this course of work, we can’t focus on ‘what if’s’. In this job, we also get nightmares, all of us. It happens.”

He slid a picture over to me, it was of a happy family. The edges were worn from years of being carried, but the picture seemed loved.

“Gideon gave me that when my nightmares started. He told me about how those families we save everyday, and how that’s what makes what we do worth it. And I know you didn’t know Gideon personally, or the work on the specific case with that family, but I want you to have it anyway-“

I cut him off by throwing my arms around his neck, attempting to speak despite being muffled by his fluffy sweater.

“Thank you, Spence. Truly.”

I smiled, and I imagined he was doing the same.

“No problem y/n. Anytime.”

I moved my legs over to be tucked underneath my arms, leaning into Reid. He wrapped his arm around me, also leaning in. We both managed to fall asleep for the remainder of the ride in our state of content, but not before he managed to sleepily call out my name.

“Y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“When we land do you wanna go on a date or somethin’?”

I smiled at him, separating from his form just long enough to see that beautiful face of his.

“Without a doubt.”

🂦∙🂦∙🂦

AHAHAHHAHAHAHA I’M WAY TOO HAPPY WITH THAT LMAOOO but anyway chile- 

i don’t have some long ass paragraph to write this time omg wig, i’m just proud asf of my work for once (except for the zoo part ngl kinda didn’t like it😳) 

😛✨vibes✨ love u, xx hj

[todobakudekukiridenkishinsosero]

The car ride that changed everything :)

 BTW THIS IS MY FIRST POV SO PLEASE TELL ME HOW I CAN MAKE IT BETTER!!!! 

(Note this is aged up so the characters in this are 18+ and this is in my pov and if you don’t like it, then don’t read it and I also added a name so if you want me to do one with just y/n then ill do one)

Main Character: Cj 

Age:18

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Pansexual (possibly gay)

Another main character: Katsuki Bakugo

Age: 19

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Bisexual (if not then gay)

Side characters: Kirishima, Sero, Denki and mina 

                                           .

   it’s the start of summer and the bakusquad wanted to go somewhere so they all decided where they were headed too and they wanted to invite me since im always hang with them. Btw we live together so the bakusquad lives with me until everyone finishes school(college)

*goes to your room*

Mina: hey bestie!!

Cj: ah!- oh hi mina what do you need?

Mina: well….me and the bakusquad are going on a road trip and we want you to join and I think bakugo would like it the most 

*Nudges you a bit*

Cj: eh? m-maybe …..

I’ve always had a crush on bakugo since we met at UA but i haven’t had the courage to tell him i liked him bc every person who tells him gets rejected and im afraid i’ll get rejected too.

Mina: Then it’s settled! We’re leaving this weekend since it’s Tuesday and everyone will have enough time to get ready!!

Cj: okay

Mina leaves my room and i go deep into thought about bakugo and mumbling things, making me flustered and red.

Cj: *mumbling*bakugo is...hot…

Suddenly i hear a knock at my door so i open it and to my surprise its katsuki

Cj: Kat? Oh, do you need anything???

Katsuki: just wondering if you’re going with us on the trip

Cj: oh..yeah I am! *smiles*

Katsuki: oh okay then goodnight 

Cj: Night!

Bakugo POV:

Bakugo goes back to his room and locks his door and lays in his bed and starts thinking about me. Little did i know he liked me too.

Bakugo: Damnit! Why...I want him to be mines and no one else’s..ugh! 

He goes into deep thought about how i could be his and forever <3

                                           The next day(Wednesday)

Kirishima: *yawns* babe? You up 

Denki: mm...5 more mintues kiri 

kirishima:*chuckles* yeah okay * kisses his head*

Kirishima heads to the bathroom and takes a shower and does his hair and comes out and wakes Denki and he does the same thing.

Denki: let’s eat breakfast then wake the others up 

Kirishima: yeah okay 

  Kirishima and Denki have been together since 2nd year at UA so this makes three years of being together, they go downstairs and sees me already up and dressed and eating.

Kirishima & denki: Hey Cj

Cj: oh hey guys *puts his plate in the sink*

Boys: so can you wake bakubro up while we wake the other love birds

Cj: no problem 

i laughed at their comment about Mina and sero being together for 2 years, i knock on his door feeling that it’s locked so i yelled a bit.

Cj: hey bakugo time to get up we have planes with the sqau-

Before i could finish my sentence, bakugo opened the door up

Bakugo: I know dumbass...I was putting on my shoes and other things 

Cj: oh okay then, Kiri and Denki went to go wake the love birds up 

Bakugo: okay ima go eat breakfast now

Cj: okay

Bakugo and the others ate breakfast and they drove in my truck and blasted TikTok music and bakugo vibed with some while the windows are rolled down and everyone smiling and laughing with each other. We all arel going shopping for the road trip this weekend.

Cj: Hey guys ima pull over and get some gas

Others-expect bakugo: okay

Bakugo: I’ll help you with it 

Cj: okay…(Odd he never does that)

After pumping the gas we head to the store and the girls go together and same with the guys. After everyone got what they needed me and bakugo went to the bathroom and came out and we drive back home. 

                                        The next day(Thursday)

Everyone is asleep while i  were the only one up and it was around 12 in the afternoon, so i went and took a shower, did my face routine and did my hair, and put my shoes on.

To my  surprise, after i  went downstairs i see bakugo on the couch watching tv. So i  speak.

Cj: Hey bakugo 

You said with a smile

Bakugo: hey...Cj, where are you going? 

Cj: oh well I was gonna go on a little walk then was gonna go back to the mall and walk around there-

Without missing a single beat bakugo said.

Bakugo: I’m coming with you and you have no say in this got it?

Cj: I- okay then…(is bakugo okay?? He’s being nice to me and it’s kinda cute and sweet)

Me and bakugo go outside and starts walking around the block then get in the car.

Bakugo: Hand me the keys I’m driving

Cj: okay 

I hand him the keys and my phone hooks to the car blasting loudly ^E.T by Katy Perry^ and I  turn the volume down,

Cj: I’m sorry heh I forgot to turn down the music from last night 

Bakugo: Dumbass that’s loud as hell…

 We arrive at the mall and get out and started walking around the mall.

Cj: So….

Bakugo: huh? What dumbass?

Cj: why did you come with me? It’s so..unlike you

Bakugo:(shit...) well you’re always getting lost so I came to make sure that you don’t get lost or do or even buy something stupid

Cj: oh...heh I guess so 

Bakugo: So where are we heading to first?

Cj: Um hot topic…. Then spencers then the food court 

Bakugo: okay then let’s get going dumbass 

You guys go into hot topic and I see this black skirt and red top and gets it and some other clothes, snacks and etc.

Bakugo: That’s all your getting Cj?

Cj: Yes I am bc I wanna go to spencers before the food court

Bakugo: okay then 

I pay and leave to go to spencers. Once I made it we went in.

Cj: oo this looks so cute!

I found some more clothes and looked around more while bakugo followed me around.

Bakugo: Oi dumbass what are you looking for?

Cj: nothing just looking around- (is that a sex toy??)

i go up to it and notices what it reminds me of and i back away slowly and go pay for the clothes. Bakugo looking confused until he looked as well and left with you.

Bakugo: we agree to never speak of this?

Cj: agreed.

We head down to the food court and we found the place we wanted to eat at. we ate burger king.

Cj: hey bakugo?

Bakugo: Hm?

Cj: Thanks for coming out with me! 

I said with a warm smile.

Bakugo: oh no problem 

we leave after eating and head home and we had a squad night.

                              The next day at night(Friday,9 pm)

I were warming up the car and put my bag in the trunk with the rest of the squad’s stuff. Im driving and bakugo sitting on the passager side while kirishima is on the right side, sero in the further back with mina and Denki on the left side in the backseat. I may be wondering where they’re going well i’ll find out once you guys get there.

Cj: everyone ready? Nobody left anything before we pull off?

Everyone nodded and i asked who wanted to play the music from my phone and mina wanted it. So she played (All about that bass-Megan Trainor). Then i stopped and filled up on gas then started hitting the road.

Cj: So...what should we play

Bakugo: The hell you’re talking about dumbass

Kirishima: OH! Do you mean a car ride game?

Denki: aw man I love those 

Mina and Sero:Ikr! They’re always so fun to play epslly when we have a long drive to go!

Cj: Yeah how about I spy with my little eye?

Everyone agreed and even bakugo. i turned down the music so it’s like background music and Denki starts the game.

Denki: I spy something blonde and grumpy

Kiri: Bakubro!

Mina, Sero: Bakugo!

Cj: kats…

Bakugo: damn idiot! Tf why me!?

Denki: Idk you’re the first person I see bro

 Bakugo:tch...fine my turn

You start blushing for no reason at all.

Bakugo: I spy something red 

Denki: Kirishima’s hair 

Kiri: My hair?

Mina: Cj

Sero: Kiri’s hair 

Bakugo: No and Raccoon eyes got it

Cj: hah?! 

Mina: Yes! I knew it! Girls instinct

Boys: ohhhh…

i blush harder and harder meaning my face turning redder than Kirishima’s hair. The boys continue to laugh but get Bakugo’s point bc their the only ones who know his crush on me.

Cj:(why?...why me?)

Bakugo smiles at me and i  turn to the road while letting i window down so i feel something cold against my face. 

Bakugo: Your turn pinky 

Mina: okay! I spy with my little eye something bright!

Cj: oh the sun

Kiri: denki’s hair 

Sero: the sun

Bakugo: (dumb shitty hair) the sun

Denki: My hair 

Mina: Cj got it first! So Denki and Kiri you’re wrong 

Cj: Oh okay then 

We go another few rounds before everyone wanted to listen to music and do their own thing. Three hours passed and it was ^9:08pm^ and everyone had fallen asleep and i see this resting place so you pull over and the only person who wasnt asleep was bakugo to my surprise. So i get out and goes to the bathroom and so does bakugo.

Cj: I’m surprised 

Bakugo: what do you mean extra?

Cj: You’d usually fall asleep around 8 pm so it’s kind of weird ya know

Bakugo: oh well you look tired so I wanted to drive some anyway

Cj: oh okay...that’s fine 

We sit on the hood of the truck and look up at the stars and we talked more than ever and soon enough i fell asleep so Bakugo puts me in the passager seat and got in the car and shuts it off and fell asleep as well.

                                 The next day(7 am)

i woke up to music and bakugo driving so i sit up and notice his jacket on me and i look at him. Admiring him his eyes, his calmness, his body. 

 Bakugo: You’re gonna keep staring or say something dumbass

Cj: oh sorry

Bakugo: For what??

Cj: oh I assume it made you uncomfortable

Bakugo: no not really(should I pull over on this cliff? yeah)

Bakugo pulls over and gets out and opens my door and brings me out and closing the door behind me. giving bakugo a confused look. 

Bakugo: I wanted you to see the sunrise with me…

Cj: oh well it does look lovely doesn’t it?

Bakugo: yeah it does...hey can I ask you something?

Cj: yeah okay? (I wonder whats he’s gonna ask me)

Bakugo: okay...um do you like anyone?

Cj: um...yeah actually wbu do you like someone?

Bakugo: May I ask who it is and yeah I do dumbass

Cj: oh...well its you

Bakugo:oh...OH! wait really?

Cj:yeah...its okay if you dont like me-

Without a heart beat he kissed me, we both have a slight blush look on our face

Cj:w-what?!

Bakugo: i like you too dumbass 

CJ:oh um...what does this means now?

Bakugo lets out a sign and asks

Bakugo:ugh.....cj would you like to be my boyfriend?

I say back with me smiling like crazy, blushing mess

Cj:YES!

[spencersmagic]

okayyyy so @reidsnose tagged me but the text post but it was getting too long n it was annoying. 

idk who started it so if anybody knows lmk and ill tag them  

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better. 

tagging: @mggswhorificlover @matthewscumslut @hercleverboy @elitereid @reidssbau @reidsbbg @doctorswhore @speencereid 

1. name/nickname: carolina/carol

2. gender: female-ish?? i go by she/they but im still figuring it out. 

3. star sign: sagittarius 😇😇

4. height: 5′4″ (164cm)

5. time: 10.11AM

6. birthday: november 29th

7. favorite bands: the neighbourhood, arctic monkeys, mother mother, gang of youths. 

8. favorite solo artists: harry styles, hozier, bon iver, taylor swift, GRLwood, teddy hyde, clairo, king princess, rex orange county

9. song stuck in my head: y’all know that song that goes “what if wheeeeen he sees me, i like him and he knooows it? what if he opens up a doooor and i can cloooose it?”? its very pretty n dramatic and its stuck in my brain. 

10. last movie: avengers 1 (im watching them all again in chronological order to prepare for black widow). 

11. last show: brooklyn nine nine. 

12. when did i make this blog: a bit over a month ago. 

13. what i post: all things criminal minds, with the occasional “i hate life” rant. 

14. last think i googled: im taking a greek myth class on coursera so i logged into that. 

15. other blogs: i have a side blog where i repost stuff i need but its not for the public, just for me to have everything closeby.

16. do i get asks: nope hahah i guess im still hella new to this but every note i get makes my heart go thumpy thumpy !! you guys interacting, even in the slightest, makes me super duper happy :)

17. why i chose my url: because of the “physics-magic” episode. spencer was too cute 🥺🥺

18. following: 170

19. followers. 101  🥳  🥳  🥳 

20. average hours of sleep: oof somewhere between 3 and 7 cause i’ve messed up my sleeping schedule :)

21. lucky number: 51 

22. instruments: i’ve been playing the piano since i was 6 

23. what am i wearing rn: baby blue shirt with a butterfly in the middle and some black sweatpants. 

24. dream trip: i wanna go back to sweden. I spent so much time there as a child but now, since im not close to my daddy, i don’t go. ALSO COVID. 

25. favorite food: a good carbonara is oooof 🥰🥰

26. nationality: double?? i think. Spanish and Swedish. (I’m supposed to have double but since i turned 18 idk if i get the swedish one revoked or sum). 

27. favorite song: like real people do, by hozier. its a motherfucking masterpiece 🥺🥺

28. last book read: i’ve been going through the classics, so i’m finishing 1984 by orwell rn. 

29. top three fictional universes: criminal minds, harry potter and brooklyn nine nine (i wanna goof around with gina linetti). 

30. favorite color: livid (coming from the latin lividus, meaning “a dull leaden-blue color”). its blue-grey, basically. 

[1833outboy]

7, 10, 48 and 50 for the ask game!

7. What is a ship you will never write for?

honestly? at this point, anything that isn’t peterick i just... don’t really have an interest in. i’m sorry! i’m just not a multishipping kinda girl, i guess. i have no issue writing other pairings when peterick is endgame, but i can’t see myself writing any main pairing that isn’t pete/patrick in the near future.

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

i don’t lmao. if anyone has the secret to this, lemme know. i have a dozen wips in my gdocs and none of them are past 6k. 

48. What is your favorite sentence that you’ve used in a fanfic?

i can’t really think of any sentences that stand out. i do enjoy how certain paragraphs turned out, or scenes. like the ocean sunset scene in sunshine riptide, or the rooftop scene in chapter 2 of said i’ll be fine. idk, i don’t think i’m talented enough to have any standout sentences, idk haha

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

this is from my new fic based on that reddit post about those roommates who started fucking during quarantine while convinced they were both straight. i’ll post it... one day.

“That bad, huh?” Pete’s voice says from somewhere to his right. He feels the press of something soft and wet against his stomach and knows Hemmy has come to greet him, drooling all over his shirt. Patrick lets his hand brush against the fur, relaxing just a touch in the process.  

He keeps his eyes closed as he says miserably, “I got yelled at for ten minutes today because I told a dude he couldn’t try on a pair of jeans because of the virus. Then I was trying to help this fucking Karen who would not accept that we didn’t have some stupid specific socks she wanted, and her baby threw up on my shoes. And we had a late delivery, so I had to chase that up all afternoon. Then I had to wait around twenty minutes after closing because Spencer had a cash difference and Bob wouldn’t let anyone leave—”  

“I thought you were kind of late—”

“And there were like six people on the bus back home who weren’t wearing masks. Including a dude who was either sick with something or on his fifth bottle of something.” He sighs and opens his eyes. Pete is staring at him from the other side of the sofa, smile soft and eyes sympathetic. Patrick put his socked feet up onto the middle of the sofa at some point during that rant and Pete has responded without words by pulling them onto his lap and rubbing gently at his soles. Patrick lets himself relax into it. He didn’t even realise how much tension he’d been holding in all day. “Do you think if I faked a hernia I’d get sent home tomorrow?”

“I dunno. Maybe. I’ll vouch for your ill health if it’ll help. I’ll say you’ve been in complete agony, you haven’t stopped complaining. It wouldn’t even be a lie.”

Patrick kicks him gently and playfully in the thigh. “Thank you, asshole.”

(ask me fic things!)

[thecharlesdilaurentis-blog]

7x19: FArewell my lovely

*WARNING SPOILERS*

"Hanna monas AD." GIRL U ARE FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH YALL GOTTA STOP JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS SO QUICK EVEN WE COULD SMELL THAT RED HERRING FROM A MILE AWAY

"I'll convince her" ok yea Caleb cause y'all are secret agent friends we all know it just admit it already    

Ezra talking like he knows AD personally or something, like he's been the one getting texts or something. I see u Ezra u can't fool me.

But he was right about everyone in the room making mistakes & the look on everyone's face when he said it HA I loved it

Ooooo looks like AD stole the game back "time for pie"??? Is that not screaming EzrA to anyone??? especially the crows.

Mary really does seem like she's the nice twin but I can't help but think she's still more involved than we think

"It took me so long to finally get here w/ you, I'm not gonna loose it now." MY EMISON HEART UGH EMILY YOU DESERVE THE WORLD ALI BETTER GIVE IT TO YOU

 AD PUT A GAS LEAK (But nothing ended up happening so i’m confused wtf marlene)

Did anyone else notice how when the video of ali kept playing on a loop she wanted emily to quickly turn it off, almost like she didnt want anymore questions raised about ‘That night’

"I'm not interested in you doing anymore sacrifices for your friends" BOYYYYYY IF U DONT GTFOH WITH ALL THAT THE ONLY SACRIFICES SHES MADE SO FAR ARE FOR YOUUUUUU OMG I AM DEAD I HATE EZRA I LOVE IAN HARDING BUT I HATE EZRA 

YEAH OF COURSE MONA LOOKS NERVOUS SHE STOLE ADs GAME AND THAT ASSHOLE KNEW & STOLE IT BACK I WOULD BE NERVOUS TOO SHE ONLY GOT INVOLVED IN THIS CRAZY SHIT AGAIN B/C HER POOR LIL HEART STILL WANTS TO BE ACCEPTED BY YALL UGH IM SO MAD

Hanna the only one who ever gives Mona the benefit of the doubt now that's a somewhat real friend lmao

"You two are fighting like a married couple.." AWKWARD we are. Spaleb who??

Lmao Caleb annoys me a lot now but I am not gonna lie dude has BALLS idk if that's a good or bad thing tho.

But like I said before him and Mona are too comfortable around each other. Look how easy she's talking to him and how calm he is with her. They have to be working together they just have to be!! (Not like as AD but idk as investigators to track AD or something, they know each other tea choices THERE AIN’T NO COINCIDENCES IN ROSEWOOD)

"There's always been someone watching, manipulating." Girl yes I been saying this since day one!!! Bethany young, twincer, wren, ezrA you may make your appearance now.

Lol I knew that waiter left a note from AD, like u said Mona, they be watching

 By the looks of Mona running they had to have said meet me in the back or something, Mona READY to see who keeps jacking her games lol

ANOTHER SECRET PASSAGE WAY GAH DAMN ROSEWOOD PROBABLY GOT THE WHOLE DAMN UNDERGROUND RAILROAD UNDER THERE

YES ARIA TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS I LOVE IT AT LEAST SOMEONE IS 

Come on though I knew that body was gone the minute I realized they left it in the car

I'm not mad that they reshot the classroom scene or that it ended up being a dream but I would've much rather the dream be Ali's than Emily's dream the "emma thornwald" name would be a lot more relevant b/c how in the fucking world would emily know that. & why put that scene as the cliffhanger?? That's so anticlimactic! They could've put the liars burying Rollins but not showing who it was, or charlotte clutching the rose, or fuck even the fucking girls sipping mimosas w/ Mona would've been more climatic than that shit. 

"AD doesn't get notes they give them." Finally someone has a clue, go Caleb I get points. 

Btw idk if I really enjoyed that spaleb moment or if I just really love Troian & her amazing acting, her whole part in that scene was just perfect!

Was it a little weird to anyone else that Alison was the one who apologized to aria first?? I think it's because she knows she still has her own secrets/mistakes that haven't come to light. 

Ooooo I bet this tunnel that spaleb is in is going to lead to the church and radley. 

So Mona must have a split personality disorder or something cause the way she's telling on herself to Hanna and how she's dressed just give off a total old school Mona vibe like radley Mona vibe. Hanna really fucked up by letting her fuck with that game she should've just killed charlotte and GOT GONE GIRL. lol Ali 2.0 forreal this time.

I also figured she had some altercation w/ charlotte that was the only person I could see her saying "am I supposed to be scared of you?" Too lol I love ceces sass.

I love how Mona knew everything & I also think it's funny but slightly choosy how charlotte said "you always were the smart one Mona, not spencer."

I think this charlotte flashback is the FUCKING BEST THING EVER

Ceces such a bitch it almost doesn't seem like she's the charles she explained in her story. Like literally she’s not charles.

So I guess Mona does have a personality disorder and she's even convinced one said that the liars are actually her friends wow I'm sad. I love her :(

& I think it's now clear cece was planning to start the game right back up again but this time bigger and better it seems "not only did u lose the game you lost the story, its mine, everything's mine... god I hate this town I guess I'm supposed to do something about that too."

Fuck janels performance is EVERYTHING I am loving this flashback!!!!!

But did anyone else notice how we never actually SAW mona push the body off and fake the suicide. She could’ve ran and someone else came and covered it up. Like mona said to hanna she didnt mean to mess it up but what exactly did she mess up?? she didnt cover up the murder someone else did.

I think Hanna spoke for everyone when she said "not really an answer"

I told y'all Mary was gonna take the fall

Wow andrea Parker did so well at playing both Mary & Jessica

In the end im still confused and my brain hurts

OKAY SO, obvi alot of my predictions were a miss but I did get a few, I knew mary was gonna take the fall, I did see a few ali clues not a ton though maybe ill find more in the rewatch, I was right about mona getting into a fight with charlotte and somehow being involved in her murder & the episode did feel like a lame finale so I guess thats pretty good! This episode was amazing from start to finish they really kicked it into high gear for these last few episodes i’m finally seeing a picture in this crazy ass puzzle we call PLL. I’m trying not to expect alot from the finale but I just really hope it is as satisfying as all the cast say it’s going to be.

After this i’m really starting to hop on board with twincer, ezrA, or even Toby after seeing the finale promo. I’m going out of town for the next week so tomorrow i’ll post my finale PLL theory & then ill be off til the finale! It’s been real guys and although i’m ready for closure i’m also going to miss reading everyones amazing theories and all the possibilities this show could have gone with.

Tell me all you last minute theories!!! I wanna know what everyones thinking before the finale and how we all see this shit tying together!

[canaryatlaw]

Ugh, today was fine, even good, I'm just tired and in weird head space right now likely the result of me fucking up taking my medication last night and stopping (or lowering) the Xanax intake, but HEY I didn't fall asleep somewhere between 10:30 and 11 am today so we're probably correct there, which is good because we were at a placement at that point doing an interview and that would've been hella awkward. But anyway. Alarm at 7:40 because we were leaving straight to go to an interview which shifts time a bit so I was supposed to meet my boss outside the courthouse at 9:30. Last time we were set to do this I FUCKING FELL ASLEEP ON THE BUS and missed my stop so I was especially worried about being late, which is dumb because she is chronically late. So I was there at 9:25 ready to go, lol, she however took some longer time to get there (more like 9:50 but she at least texted to say she was gonna be late) but whatever at least it was nice out at that point, it's back to fucking freezing now and I'm so not happy about it. So we were going to what's called a TLP, or temporary living placement, which are basically DCFS controlled placements for wards who are in between 18 and 21 (since Illinois can keep kids in the system until they're 21, which, for all the system's issues, is a much better plan that dumping a newly minted 18 year old out on the street with no resources) where it's somewhat like a dorm, there's a staff person but they can come and go as they please as long as they follow rules and such. We were going like, super far south, like down to 111th street (and if you're familiar with Chicago's street system you know the numbered streets don't even start until you're south of the loop and I live way north of the loop) and yeah, basically the further south you get the worse the neighborhoods get (I could've sworn they filmed a few scenes from APB at the park across the street from this place. I don't want to be too loose with personal details for obvious reasons, but this girl had very good reason to want out of the neighborhood for her and her 2 year old son (whose father was shot and killed at the end of April). Her son was very cute though. And she's honestly doing better than a lot of "kids" in her situation would be, she has a decent amount of her shit together so it'll probably be just a question of following through. So after that interview we stopped at Potbelly for sandwiches and so my boss could get her Mountain Dew fix (she's like addicted) and then she got upset that their syrup to fizz ratio was messed up on the fountain soda machine and complained and I was laughing really hard because I was very amused. From there we went back to the office where I finished off the DCP summary I was working on then started digging into the case file for the permanency hearing I'm doing on Monday. I started with the DCP packet since that's generally the start of the case, and it came in as a lock out but at trial they ended up getting no-fault dependency findings (what we refer to as dep-c) meaning she was taken into care because her parents couldn't handle her mental problems, not because her parents refused to let her back in their home (which, for the record, is abuse and neglect when your kid is 13). We tend to argue against these findings a lot since they're generally not in the kids best interest so I was kind of irritated to find out they got only a dep-c finding at trial when her parents fucking locked her out, like that's not a dependency case IMO. But anyway. That was several years ago, since then she'd gotten to return home and then was sadly brought back into the system. I'll have to read the attorneys notes to figure out the logistics of why (other than her parents couldn't handle her behavior again), I was going through the orders on the case to see the legal status when my boss showed up and asked the lady with the office across from mine if they were allowed to bring law clerks to psych hospitals for interviews, so of course my ears perked up at that, and pretty soon after we were going off to interview a 17 year old boy who had been on run for like, a year (the system SUCKS and teens literally just run away and don't get found for months upon months). The report we got said he had told a police officer he was having suicidal ideation which brought him to the psych hospital, however upon arriving he had a different story which I won't get too much into for privacy reasons but he really did not want to be there anymore and was like "I told the cop I was slightly depressed but I wanted to go to a shelter to get back into placement" which I'm sure he played down some for our sakes but while he was kind of worked up when we got there for the duration of the interview he presented as rational and really not struggling from any immediate signs of mental illness, so I really don't know if he did need to be there. He kept saying he doesn't feel safe there because he watched the staff have to restrain a kid and he described it as them just beating the crap out of the kid, and like that's a fine line because you're generally brought to a psych hospital for your own safety, but by doing so are also surrounded by individuals who could compromise your safety. They're having an emergency staffing for him on Monday though and hopefully they can get him into a TLP (and if not probably a residential facility, but that's where he went on run from so that'd be less than helpful). He seemed fairly determined to get his act together so I hope he succeeds there and doesn't lose it on any of the staff there in the next few days (which yes I know all have challenging jobs, but there were a few comments I overheard that I did not feel particularly comfortable with). But after that we headed back and I just had my boss drop me at the loop because I had to grab my prescriptions from target (my high dose acid reflux med and the new one my psychiatrist just prescribed) then I was meeting up with my roommate being that she works downtown too. Not gonna lie, sitting in the hallway of the psych hospital was a weird feeling for me. It feels like a lifetime ago that I was dealing with my best friend being locked in one for a week with no contact and me 500 miles away and completely helpless. The story doesn't hurt as much anymore, but sitting there today it just felt a million miles away from where I was now. The girl from this morning was 20, I mean, I'm only 5 years older than her....that's not a lot. Idk where I'm going with this, it was just weird I guess. I never really got close to getting psych hospitalized (mostly because I didn't tell anybody I knew would get me in one that I was suicidal) but I have had multiple friends in them over the years and I know they're not great places to be in. So all of this was kind of playing in my mind as I picked up my psych meds. From there I walked over to the building my roommate works in since she didn't get off till 5:30, so I chilled in the lobby of her office for like 15 minutes while guys in suits walked in and out and made various jokes, lol. She's a receptionist and she says she doesn't do much except watch tv and process bills sometimes but it sure as hell pays a lot better than Starbucks and she's got some acting stuff in the works so hey good for her. When she got off we took the train a few stops to right where my old apartment was and went to a pizza place by there that was pretty good. From there we caught a bus a few streets over and took that down to the movie theatre to see guardians of the Galaxy 2. We were almost the only ones in the theatre, but a couple other people showed up once the previews started (I don't think I've seen any of the planet of the apes movies, but I'm kind of awed at their ability to keep coming up with new ones by just adding two words in front of the title) and then we were going. It was good, different than I expected but I don't really know specifically what I was expecting, probably just something that would tie in more with marvel's infinity wars end game here with the infinity stones and such, since they seem to be pulling that end of it into the final battle for the universe they're gonna wind up in. The weird gold people they end up making enemies of were odd, and it kind of had my wondering if whatever that douche who's a top guy at marvel that did all the hydra captain America nazi shit (Nick Spencer? Is that his name? Idk) had something to do with their characterization as his vilification of people being overly politically correct, but I doubt that was actually how that happened. It was a lot more emotional than the first for obvious reasons, and the general type of story was different. I liked Nebula and Gamora's story arc, as awful as their childhoods had been I'm glad they were still able to find reconciliation with each other (even if Nebula is still out to kill Thanos, if that's a possibility). The whole final battle sequence was pretty good, obviously weird setting but I think they did it well. FUCKING BABY GROOT WAS SO DAMN CUTE and they better be making stuffed animals of him because I want one immediately. I really couldn't get over though how the ravager that ends up staying with them was Kurt from Gilmore Girls and that actor has obviously aged quite a bit but he still looks JUST like Kurt and I placed him immediately, and then I felt kind of bad for the guy that he'll probably never have another acting job where people don't immediately think "oh, it's Kurt from Gilmore Girls). It's probably good his character ended up being a little nutty. I can't fucking remember the blue guy's name (my life, even though I was trying to commit it to memory) but I actually really liked how they did his redemption arc which I didn't really expect because I really wasn't a fan of his character up to this point, but they managed to paint it really well in the comparison of oh you think he kept you away from your great dad to help you steal things to oh he was protecting you after knowing what happened to the other kids. DAMN THOUGH, Kurt Russell (not gonna lie, I thought that was Jeff Goldblum up until looking it up on IMDb right before writing that) was so good as being the great and powerful god at first and then he turned so quickly and DAMN was he a creepy as fuck villain. The moments Nebula and Gamora find the caves full of bones and then when Mantis (who btw the only thing I could think about while watching her was how minus the weird buggy things her costume was totally the female version of the smallville green arrow costume) said they were his children it was such an OH SHIT moment I was like getting chills. I think that's most of what I wanted to say. I'm sure they'll make it mean something in the continuity of the marvel universe, but it didn't seem to add much to the infinity stone centered plot at least (which was pretty much the entire plot of the first). Also, when they were in the battle scene and Gamora and Nebula kept getting like, whipped back and forth, all I could think was well this is not the same marvel universe where Gwen Stacey dies because obviously their physics are on a whole other level (that was mostly a joke though, I don't know enough about that series to make an actual comment). When we got out of th movie it was back to being COLD AS FUCK but we ended up in an uber pool because it was cheap, so it was the two of us and some college kid (or maybe grad, idk I wasn't paying attention to his conversation) and a driver that was pretty good with conversation up until the end it got a little ermm but he got most of the way at least. And then I got ready for bed because my head still feels weird but I clearly had to get all of this out or I wouldn't be able to sleep. I think I realized the headspace thing somewhere during the movie because at first I just thought that like we were sitting too close to the screen or maybe I was developing eye problems because it was like hard for me to track their movements and bring it into focus, but I'm at least glad that my eyesight is still ok. Okay, I'm done now. Yay for tomorrow being Friday. Goodnight pals. Happy Friday.