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theartofdreaming1 · 3 years ago

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Katniss, bravely stepping inbetween Gale and Thread (and his whip) - she’s so courageous and protective, she deserves the world 😭

As usual, my thoughts regarding this week’s prompts and (many) random thoughts on chapters 7-9 are below the cut. (Is it just me, or are my notes getting longer and longer with each and every post? I swear, this book is so meaty, we’ll soon reach the point where I have to type out the entire chapter, with my thoughts in the margins)

heart

“Gale is mine. I am his. Anything else in unthinkable.”

I think these words are a result of Katniss being so afraid of losing Gale that she’s kinda overcompensating; their relationship has been strained these past few months and they’d just had a row, separating from each other on bad terms - and the next time she sees him, he’s been whipped so bad that he’s lost consciousness and could be potentially dying from his wounds. Of course she’s so terrified of losing him, that she’s holding on as tightly as she can to him. It’s important to keep in mind how important their relationship is to her and we see that in her preceding thoughts: What a pair we were - fatherless, frightened, but fiercely commited, too, to keeping our families alive. Desperate, yet no longer alone after that day, because we’d found each other. I think of a hundred moments in the woods, lazy afternoons fishing, the day I taught him to swim, that time I twisted my knee and he carried me home. Mutually counting each other, watching each other’s backs, forcing each other to be brave. - Gale was the first person who was her equal, a kindred spirit, her partner. After Katniss had lost both of her parents when her father died and her mother succumbed to her depression - the people who were supposed to care for her and guide her through growing up - she was stuck with the role of sole provider and protector of her family at age eleven. She must have been so lonely all this time until she met this boy who understood what she was going through and they learned from each other and shouldered their burdens together, to take off some of the overwhelming pressure. Of course that relationship, of course Gale is important to her. But also now their relationship has become more fragile, after the Games they are in danger of growing apart - it’s got to be so terrifying to feel like the one proper, mutual relationship you’ve had seems to be slipping through your fingers. With everything that’s going on, her entire life as it is teetering on the razor’s edge (heck, the president himself has been threatening her and her family!), it’s no wonder that Katniss is craving that familiarity and safety that her relationship with Gale used to provide her with. And seeing Gale in this state just has her holding on to him more tightly than ever.

mind

Hmm, no big moment is coming to my mind right now; I think I’m always most impressed by the tiny moments that show how tenacious, resilient and fiercely kind humans can be - like Darius stepping forward to stop Gale’s cruel punishment, Leevy volunteering to tell Hazelle about Gale and promising to stay with the Hawthorne children, Madge bringing the morphling, Katniss pressing Darius’s hand in the Training Center, Twill taking Bonnie with her to flee to D13 and so on.

soul

I believe that Katniss was honestly surprised to learn that Gale had feelings for her; she had categorically shut down the idea of entering a romantic relationship for herself, so I don’t think she’d seriously consider anyone being romantically interested in her in return (that’s not how that works, of course, but I think that’s how she perceived the whole shtick). Their kiss threw her completely for a loop and if anything, she mostly saw it as something that contributed to the deterioration of their previous, easy and comfortable relationship.

Chapter 7

A mockingjay is a creature the Capitol never intended to exist. [...] They hadn’t anticipated its will to live. - In a way, the Capitol continues to make this mistake with the people living in the districts, too - underestimating their will to live (opposed to just surviving)

I look in his [Gale’s] eyes. His temper can’t quite mask the hurt, the sense of betrayal he feels at my engagement to Peeta. This will be my last chance, this meeting today, to not lose Gale forever. - Okay, we don’t know how much Katniss might be (incorrectly) presuming here, but the idea that Gale might feel betrayal because his best friend is being forced into an engagement pisses me off. It’s fine if he’s feeling jealous because she’s being paired off with Peeta when he wishes he could have a shot with her, but how in the world does this even rate as a betrayal?! A) It’s done against her will and B) Just because they’re friends doesn’t mean Katniss owes him anything when we’re talking about romantic feelings... Ugh 😒 Also, it’s quite noteworthy how insecure Katniss feels about their relationship - she’s constantly worried Gale will drop her and their friendship (waiting for Gale after the camera teams left after winning the Games: I’d begun to think that he’d given up on me in the weeks that had passed.- Ch. 2) and it doesn’t help that she’s been through that extreme, traumatic experience without him and they haven’t had much opportunity to spend a lot of time with each other (with the Victory Tour and Gale having to work so much) and when they do hang out, they don’t seem to really talk much, which doesn’t exactly help...

He [Gale] tosses the gloves on my lap. “Here. I don’t want your fiancé’s old gloves.” “He’s not my fiancé. That’s just part of the act. And these aren’t his gloves. They were Cinna’s,” I say. “Give them back, then, he says. - Gale can be so petty sometimes 🙄

While I talk, [...] [Gale] occupies himself with turning the food in the leather bag into a meal for us. Toasting bread and cheese, coring apples, placing chestnuts in the fire to roast. I watch his hands, his beautiful, capable fingers. Scarred, as mine were before the Captiol erased all marks from my skin, but strong and deft. [...] Hands I trust. - Oh boy, this moment really shows how these two are at cross purposes right now - Gale’s prepping the food as you would for a toasting (romantic connotation), while Katniss is oberserving his hands, thinking how their hands used to match (not anymore!) and basically wishing herself back into the time before the Games, when things were ‘simpler’/more clearly defined (and also platonic!); there is nothing romantic from her P.O.V. - it’s all about the friendship and trust

[Gale] steps in and I feel myself lifted off the ground. The room spins, and I have to lock my arms around Gale’s neck to brace myself. He’s laughing, happy. “Hey!” I protest, but I’m laughing, too. Gale sets me down but doesn’t release his hold on me. “Okay, let’s run away.” [...] “You’re sure?” I say. [...] “I’m sure. I’m completely, entirely, one hundred percent sure.” - Yeah, and I’m sure you’re not going to change your opinion in the next five minutes, Gale... In his defense, Gale didn’t know all the details, so in that regard it’s totally valid that he might decide to change his mind after having more input... It’s just that Katniss specifically asks him whether he’s sure and his reply is so full of conviction (100% sure!), only for him to do a complete 180 just a couple of minutes later; Gale’s very hot and cold, which makes for such a harsh contrast when compared to Peeta’s more measured reaction later in the chapter

He tilts his forehead down to rest against mine and pulls me closer. [...] I don’t try to move away. Why should I, anyway? His voice drops to a whisper. “I love you.” That’s why. - Oh man, Katniss just can’t catch a break 😞 Really not wise of Gale to drop the L-bomb here (after, what? a kiss they never talked about and little else... their communication is truly abysmal and it’s really damaging to their relationship, hurting the both of them)

“Gale, I can’t think about anyone that way now. All I can think about, every day, is how afraid I am. And there doesn’t seem to be room for anything else. If we could get somewhere safe, maybe I could be different. I don’t know.” I can see him swallowing his disappointment. “So, we’ll go. We’ll find out.” - I mean, honestly, I totally understand where Katniss is coming from - she doesn’t need a romantic interest, she needs a partner, which is why she’s been so eager to talk to her hunting partner, someone she’s used to rely on for survival and now he’s also confounding their relationship by introducing that romance-angle (as if it wasn’t bad enough that her relationship with Peeta got kind of messed up when that same angle was forced upon them prematurely)... Also, telling how Katniss thinks she’d have to be different to maybe even consider a romantic relationship with Gale - Katniss as she is right now just can’t see herself wanting to be with Gale romantically; it would require a change... I’ve got to give Gale credit for still going along with it, and trying to push past his disappointment, though

“My [Gale’s] mother is going to take some convincing.” [...] “Mine, too. I’ll just have to make her see reason. Take her for a long walk. Make sure she understands we won’t survive the alternative.” “She’ll understand. I watched a lot of the Games with her and Prim. She won’t say no to you,” says Gale. - That’s interesting, I wonder what exactly Gale means by that? That Mrs. Everdeen won’t say no to Katniss because she feels guilty that Katniss had to go through the Games or because watching her daughter compete in the Games really made her realize how messed up Panem is? Or that she’s more inclined to trust Katniss’s judgement after everything that has happened?

“Haymitch will be the real challenge.” “Haymitch?” Gale abandons the chestnuts. “You’re asking him to come with us?” “I have to, Gale. I can’t leave him and Peeta because they’d-” His scowl cuts me off. “What?” “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how large our party was,” he snaps at me. - Gale doesn’t seem to have realized how close and important Peeta and Haymitch have become to Katniss... maybe because they never properly talked about this aspect of Katniss’s life (I swear, their shoddy communication must account for at least half of the damage their relationship has taken in these past few months alone)

“What if he [Peeta] decides to stay?” he [Gale] asks. I try to sound indifferent, but my voice cracks. “Then he stays.” “You’d leave him behind?” Gale asks. “To save Prim and my mother, yes,” I answer. “I mean, no! I’ll get him to come.” “And me, would you leave me?” Gale’s expression is rock hard now. - Boy, oh boy! I think Gale knows (like Peeta) that Katniss could never leave behind the people she cares about; then, he’s kind of gauging whether Peeta has already received the Katniss Everdeen Stamp of ‘Caring’ - and, as it turns out, he has! And then Gale ends up making it into a bit of competition by asking her whether she would leave him behind (or, alternately, her turning him down has him confused about the depth of their relationship, I dunno); not fun

“There’s an uprising in Eight?” he [Gale] says in a hushed voice. I try to backpedal. To defuse him, as I tried to defuse the districts. - Katniss is going to be about as successful as she’d been at defusing the districts, too - But here we have another example of Katniss trying to rein in Gale’s temper because she’s afraid he’s going to get himself in trouble (like when she decided not to tell him about Snow’s visit to her house because she was worried what he’d do with that information)... It’s really not great that she feels the need to censor herself so he won’t do something dangerous... Katniss knows first-hand how badly impulsive actions and decisions can be received in the Capitol - and she never even meant for a rebellion to happen!

“And it’s my fault, Gale. Because of what I did in the arena. If I had just killed myself with those berries, none of this would’ve happened. Peeta could have come home and lived, and everyone else would have been safe. too.” “Safe to do what?” he says in a gentler tone. “Starve? Work like slaves? Send their kids to the reaping? You haven’t hurt people - you’ve given them an opportunity. They just have to be brave enough to take it. - Katniss is taking all the responsibility upon herself again... Gale is right to point out that she was merely a catalyst, not the cause for the rebellion - the cause are the awful living conditions of the people in the districts

“Stop it! You don’t know what you’re saying. The Peacekeepers outside of Twelve, they’re not like Darius, or even Cray! The lives of district people - they mean less than nothing to them!” I say. “That’s why we have to join the fight!” he answers harshly. “No! we have to leave here before they kill us and a lot of other people, too!” [...] “You leave, then, I’d never go in a million years.” [...] “What about your family?” “What about the other families, Katniss? The ones who can’t run away?” - This discourse is so painful because they are both right - Katniss has seen more of the districts and how things are handled beyond the (relatively tame) confines of D12 and it’s fair that she wants to know that the people she cares about are safe from harm; Gale, of course, has a point commenting that not everyone has that opportunity and the only way to have a long-lasting, wide-spread improvement of their conditions is through rebelling against their oppressor - but that will inevitably come along with sacrifices and collateral damage and it’s easy to say that it will be worth it in the long run, but when those who are hurt/dead could end up being your loved ones, it’s definitely easier said than done

He throws Cinna’s gloves at my feet. “I changed my mind. I don’t want anything they made in the Capitol.” And he’s gone. I look down at the gloves. Anything they made in the Capitol? Was that directed at me? Does he think I am now just another product of the Capitol and therefore something untouchable? The unfairness of it all fills me with rage. But it’s mixed up with fear over what kind of crazy thing he might do next. - Gale getting rid of Cinna’s gloves just because they are from the Capitol is a prime example of this “us vs. them” mindset that he will be (worringly) fast to adopt - of course, perceiving the opposite side as “other” will make it easier to fight against them; however, it’s all too easy to lose sight of your opponent’s humanity when you think like that (think of how Gale has a hard time understanding Katniss’s distress upon seeing her prep team being treated so terribly/inhumanely in D13); Katniss feeling upset that Gale might perceive her as a product of the Capitol instead of its victim is understandable (and isn’t that exactly what the inhabitants of D13 are going to think of Peeta in MJ?) - and yet, she is still worried Gale could get himself into trouble with his impulsivity; she’s a good bean

”Going to town?” I ask. “Yes. I’m supposed to eat dinner with my family,” he [Peeta] says. - I’m tripping over the word ‘supposed’ here - it doesn’t sound like Peeta’s looking forward to hanging out with his fam, although it can’t be that often, since they’ve been away on Victory Tour and he is living alone (maybe the end of the chapter will give us another hint why that is 😒😒)... I can’t help but wonder whether these family dinners are mainly for public perception (in that case... it really is no wonder Peeta is so good at playing the cameras - poor guy had to fool the outside world his entire life) or because they are the only chance for Peeta to hang out with any of the members of his family he might actually want to spend some time with

“Peeta, if I asked you to run away from the district with me, would you?” Peeta takes my arm, bringing me to a stop. He doesn’t need to check my face to see if I’m serious. “Depends on why you’re asking.” President Snow wasn’t convinced by me. There’s an uprising in District Eight. We have to get out,” I say. “By ‘we’ do you mean just you and me? No. Who else would be going?” he asks. - Peeta doesn’t just blindly agree to Katniss’s proposal; he needs to know what’s going on first (he has been burnt before - no more secrets!) - and it’s a testament to how well he knows her that as soon as he’s asking whether she meant just the two of them, he corrects himself because knows that Katniss would never leave the ones she cares about behind

“What about Gale?” he says. “I don’t know. He might have other plans,” I say. Peeta shakes his head and gives me rueful smile. “I bet he does. Sure, Katniss, I’ll go.” I feel a slight twinge of hope. “You will?” “Yeah. But I don’t think for a minute you will,” he says. [...] “Then you don’t know me. Be ready. It could be any time.” - Telling how Peeta immediately agrees to the plan once he gathers that Gale won’t come - he knows that Katniss cares about Gale and could never leave him behind, ergo she’d never actually leave under these circumstances - he knows her so well. Also, Katniss’s reaction is like that of a petulant child, it’s kind of funny 😄

“Katniss, hold up.” [...] “I really will go, if you want me to. I just think we better talk it through with Haymitch. Make sure we won’t be making things worse for everyone.” - Ultimately, Peeta would follow Katniss to the ends of the earth - doesn’t mean that he can’t throw in a sensible suggestion in there as well 😉 (Also, in the next chapter we will see how Katniss, Gale, and Peeta might be a little too inexperienced/naive to be able to form accurate expectations of what is to come - Haymitch and his generation have a little more experience in that regard)

He raises his head. “What’s that?” [...] I haven’t noticed the strange noise coming from the square. A whistling, the sound of an impact, the intake of breath from a crowd. “Come on,” Peeta says, his face suddenly hard. I don’t know why. I can’t place the sound, even guess at the situation. But it means something bad to him. - Why does my sweet boy know what a whipping sounds like, Suzanne, huh?! Care to explain that? 😭

Peeta steps up on a crate against the wall of the sweetshop and offers me a hand while he scans the square. I’m halfway up when he suddenly blocks my way. “Get down. Get out of here!” He’s whispering, but his voice is harsh with insistence. - Peeta was offering his hand to help Katniss up the crate because they are a team (and he’s a gentleman)! It’s only when he recognizes who is receiving those lashes and realizes that Katniss will lose her shit once she knows, which could make the current situation even worse, that he urges her to leave, and he is not the only one to think that: - Voices hiss. “Get out of here, girl.” “Only make it worse.” What do you want to do? Get him killed?”

Chapter 8

It’s too late to stop the arm from descending, and I instinctively know I won’t have the power to block it. Instead I throw myself directly between the whip and Gale. I’ve flung out my arms to protext as much of his broken body as possible, so there’s nothing to deflect the lash. I take the full force of it across the left side of my face. - Katniss is so selfless; she knows that it’s either Gale getting hit again or a lash to her own face and she chooses the latter

“Hold it!” a voice barks. Haymitch appears and trips over a Peacekeeper lying on the ground. It’s Darius. [...] He’s knocked out but still breathing. What happened? Did he try to come to Gale’s aid before I got here? - Haymitch sure appeared quickly - I can easily imagine Peeta taking off immediately to get him (or send someone to bring him to the square) once he knew Katniss couldn’t be stopped; but if Haymitch had been at his house in Victor’s Village, there is no way he’d have made that quickly to the square... maybe he was already at the Hob and had gotten wind of the whole situation? Also, poor Darius! Wearing a uniform/being in some sort of position of power is no guarantee you won’t get punished as soon as you show the tiniest glimpse of compassion - in a place like Panem, nobody is safe from the caprice of the people in charge

I see a flicker of recognition in the eyes of the man with the whip. [...] it wouldn’t be easy to identify me as the victor of the last Hunger Games. Especially with half my face swelling up. But Haymitch has been showing up on television for years, and he’d be difficult to forget. - Getting Haymitch truly was the smartest move to make (which is why I’m pretty sure it was a move on Peeta’s part - he’d know how to use reminders of ‘appearances’ to ensure a punishment wouldn’t go ‘too far’, y’know 😢). But also - Thread must have lived under a flipping rock, to not being able to recognizes Katniss (her face must have been plastered all over the place during the Victory Tour, which just had concluded recently) - or he was just too in the heat of the moment, with someone opposing him, bleugh 😒

“He [Gale] was poaching. What business is it of hers, anyway?” says the man. “He’s her cousin.” Peeta’s got my other arm now, but gently. “And she’s my fiancée. So if you want to get to him, expect to go through both of us.” - I love how Peeta’s just laying it down as it is; his phrasing just sounds so factual, rather than provocative (although it is, of course); he really has a way with words - Maybe we’re it. The only three people in the district who could make a stand like this. Although it’s sure to be temporary. There will be repercussions. - Haymitch, Peeta, and Katniss working together as a team again! Also, a good example of the effect people with public influence can have

One [Peacekeeper], a woman named Purnia who eats regularly at Greasy Sae’s, steps forward stiffly. “I believe, for a first offense, the required number of lashes has been dispensed, sir. Unless your sentence is death, which we would carry out by firing squad.” “Is that the standard protocol here?” asks the Head Peacekeeper. “Yes, sir,” Purnia says, and several others nod in agreement. I’m sure none of them actually know because, in the Hob, the standard protocol for someone showing up with a wild turkey is for everybody to bid on the drumsticks. - It’s kinda nice to see the local Peacekeepers supporting Purnia’s claim to get this display to stop - this is the only way out of this situation where Thread’s authority is not openly challenged (and we know Thread doesn’t take well to having his authority challenged - see Darius)

There’s no stretcher, but the old woman at the clothing stall sells us the board that serves as her countertop. “Just don’t tell where you got it,” she says, packing up the rest of her goods quickly. Most of the square has emptied, fear getting the better of compassion. But after what happened, I can’t blame anyone. - It’s sad how that air of intimidation makes people want to mask their acts of compassion (and also says a lot about the precariousness of the existing living situations if that old lady is still selling that board - I’d never even consider exchanging money for that, but that’s probably my privileged situation showing here; Katniss brings up the theme of fear vs compassion - very fitting, since it seems to be her driving force (although, generally, her compassion wins out over her fear) and despite her assertion that fear appears to be getting the better of compassion we see a good amount of people reaching out to help, such as the following example:

Leevy, a girl who lives a few houses down from mine in the Seam, takes my arm. My mother kept her little brother alive last year when he caught the measles. “Need help getting back?” Her gray eyes are scared but determined. - The subtle suggestion here that Leevy might be further motivated to help out because Katniss’s mom helped her little brother is also an excellent example of how kindness breeds kindness

“Get some snow on that,” Haymitch orders over his shoulder. I scoop up a handful of snow and press it against my cheek, numbing a bit of the pain. - This moment reminded me of Peeta immediately reaching for some ice from that fruit tureen after Haymitch hit him on their way to the Games in THG (Ch. 4) - their different immediate reactions to getting hit in the face could simply be due to the fact that Katniss is a little too preoccupied worrying about Gale to think about her injury, of course, but I feel like you could also interpret them as examples for how much experience Katniss and Peeta have with being hit in the face, respectively...

Gale must have gone to Cray’s house, as he’s done a hundred times, knowing Cray pays well for a wild turkey. Instead he found the new Head Peacekeeper, a man they heard someone call Romulus Thread. No one knows what happened to Cray. He was buying white liquor in the Hob just this morning [...] but now he’s nowhere to be found. - As I’ve already mentioned regarding Darius, inhabiting some position of power does not guarantee you any safety in Panem (there is always someone more powerful who will treat their inferiors like garbage, if they feel like it)

By the time I showed up, he [Gale]’d been lashed at least forty times. He passed out around thirty. - Jesus 😨 poor Gale!

“What about Darius?” Peeta asks.“ After about twenty lashes, he stepped in, saying that was enough. Only he didn’t do it smart and official, like Purnia did. He grabbed Thread’s arm and Thread hit him in the head with the butt of the whip. Nothing good waiting for him,” says Bristel. - It’s so messed up how it is not enough to have someone who’d stand up and do something about a horrible situation - they have to do it the right way, or else they’re toast; there really shouldn’t have to be a smart way of doing the right thing

Snow begins, thick and wet, making visibility even more difficult. - (President) Snow is coming down hard on them, making it hard to see what’s up ahead

Ever so gently, she [Mrs. Everdeen] begins to clean the mutilated flesh on Gale’s back. I feel sick to the stomach, useless, the remaining snow dripping from my glove into a puddle on the floor. Peeta puts me in a chair and holds a cloth filled with fresh snow to my cheek. - Although she’s quite squeamish, Katniss stays as Gale gets treated (the force that holds the loved ones of the hurt/dying, just like when Peeta was being treated after their Games); meanwhile, Peeta is taking care of Katniss - there is so much care + love to be found in this moment

My mother has to save the strongest [painkillers] for the worst pain, but what is the worst pain? To me, it’s always the pain that is present. If I were in charge, those painkillers would be gone in a day because I have so little ability to watch suffering. - Honestly, same; I can’t stomach seeing other people suffer without feeling overwhelmed and feeling like crying... I don’t know how professionals do it

“Just give him the medicine!” I scream at her. [...] “Take her out,” says my mother. Haymitch and Peeta literally carry me from the room while I shout obscenities at her. They pin me down on a bed in one of the extra bedrooms until I stop fighting. - Oof. Poor Katniss! But yeah, it was the best call to remove her from the situation, Mrs. E. had to focus on what she was doing... Also, Haymitch and Peeta are the ones to get Katniss out of there and stay with her - these three take care of each other!

After a while, my mother comes in and treats my face. Then she holds my hand, stroking my arm, while Haymitch fills her in on what happened with Gale. “So it’s starting again?” she says. “Like before?” - Katniss’s mom has become a much more active and soothing presence in this book, I like it... Also, what does “again” mean? Does this imply there has been an attempted uprising in D12 that needed to be squashed before?

Cray would have been disliked, anyway, because of the uniform he wore, but it was his habit of luring starving young women into his bed for money that made him an object of loathing in the district. In really bad times, the hungriest would gather at his door at nightfall, vying for the chance to earn a few coins to feed their families by selling their bodies. Had I been older when my father died, I might have been among them. - Horrifying and absolutely disgusting 🤢 Those poor women! How desperate they must have been!

... when the doorbell rings, I shoot straight out of bed. [...] “They [the peacekeepers] can’t have him,” I say. “Might be you they’re after,” Haymitch reminds me. “Or you,” I say. “Not my house,” Haymitch points out. “But I’ll get the door.” “No, I’ll get it,” says my mother quietly. - Again, Mrs. Everdeen is taking the initiative! She was so watered down in the movies

[Madge] holds out a small, damp cardboard box to me. “Use these for your friend,” she says. I take off the lid of the box, revealing half a dozen vials of clear liquid. [...] “What is that stuff?” asks Peeta. “It’s from the Capitol. It’s called morphling,” my mother answers. “I didn’t even know Madge knew Gale,” says Peeta. “We used to sell her strawberries,” I say almost angrily. What am I angry about, though? Not that she has brought the medicine, surely. “She must have quite a taste for them,” says Haymitch. That’s what nettles me. It’s the implication that there’s something going on between Gale and Madge. And I don’t like it. “She’s my friend” is all I say. - I mean, Katniss could be mad because A) Gale had literally just told her he loved her a few hours ago and if there was something (reciprocated) going on between Gale and Madge, that would have been pretty shitty for both girls involved and also B) she is friends with both of them and it would be hurtful to learn that two of your closest friends had been seeing each other without telling you anything about it... also, she’s super upset over Gale getting so seriously hurt just after they’d had an argument, her feelings are all over the place

... I’m selfish. I’m a coward. I’m the kind of girl, who, when she might actually be of use, would run to stay alive and leave those who couldn’t follow to suffer and die. This is the girl Gale met in the woods today. No wonder I won the Games. No decent person ever does. You saved Peeta, I think weakly. But now I question even that. I knew good and well that my life back in District 12 would be unlivable if I let that boy die. - Yes, Katniss, you knew that your life back in D12 would have been unlivable if he died - but not because you feared that people would shun you; it was because you “couldn’t lose the boy with the bread” and because “if he dies, I’ll never go home, not really”... This is an excellent example of how distorted your memories can get when you are in a bad headspace at present

The berries. I realize the answer to who I am lies in that handful poisonous fruit. If I held them out to save Peeta because I knew I would be shunned if I came back without him, then I am despicable. If I held them out because I loved him, I am still self-centered, although forgivable. But if I held them out to defy the Capitol, I am someone of worth. - Katniss, you don’t have to be planning to overthrow a corrupt and cruel government to be someone of worth! You’re someone of worth just by being yourself! - The trouble is, I don’t know exactly what was going on inside me at that moment. - Frankly, very rarely are our motivations clearly defined by a single factor - or my professor would not have been able to teach an entire semester-long course on motivation psychology😉)

Chapter 9

Gale’s dead to the world, but his fingers are locked around mine. I smell fresh bread and turn my stiff neck to find Peeta looking down at me with such a sad expression. I get the sense that he’s been watching us awhile. “Go on up to bed, Katniss. I’ll look after him now,” he says. - Peeta! Must have been hard for him to see Katniss like this (and the underlying strength of Katniss and Gale’s relationship, when his relationship with Katniss is still not all that solidified), and yet he’s being such a good bean about it 😭

I give a strangled cry and wake with a start, sweating and shivering at once. Cradling my damaged cheek in my hand, I remind myself that it was not Clove but Thread who gave me this wound. I wish that Peeta were here to hold me, until I remember I’m not supposed to wish that anymore. I have chosen Gale and the rebellion, and a future with Peeta is the Capitol’s design, not mine. - Katniss, gurl... Maybe your instinctive desire to receive comfort from Peeta is trying to tell you something??!? Also, Katniss is forcing this strange dichotomous association of Gale = rebellion and Peeta = Capitol, when in just a bit, she’s clearly connecting Peeta to the rebellion as well (aside from the fact that Peeta was basically the first person to suggest to her that maybe a rebellion was necessary... just saying)

Fighting the Capitol assures their swift retaliation. I must accept that at any moment I can be arrested. [...] There might be torture. Mutliation. A bullet through the skull in the town square [...] I imagine these things and I’m terrified, but let’s face it: They’ve been lurking in the back of my brain, anyway. [...] I’m already a target. - Oh geez! Despite admitting that she’s terrified of what the Capitol is capable fo doing to her, Katniss is still pretty composed naming the possible horrors in store for her, which is just a heartbreaking reminder of how many terrible things she has already had to endure.🙁

Now comes the harder part. I have to face the fact that my family and friends might share this fate. Prim. I need only to think of Prim and all my resolve disintegrates. It’s my job to protect her. [...] I can’t let the Capitol hurt Prim. - 😭😭😭 Katniss has reached a point where she can put her own need for survival/physical intactness aside, but the thought of something awful happening to Prim stops her short (it’s so strange to think that, in a twisted way, it wasn’t the Capitol who’d ended up inflicting the final harm upon Prim...)

And then it hit’s me. They already have. They have killed her father in those wretched mines. They have sat by as she almost starved to death. [...] She has been hurt far worse than I had at the age of twelve. And even that pales in comparison with Rue’s life. [...] Prim... Rue... aren’t they the very reason I have to try to fight? Because what has been done to them is so wrong, so beyond justification, so evil that there is no choice? Because no one has the right to treat them as they have been treated? Yes. This is the thing to remember when fear threatens to swallow me up. What I am about to do, whatever any of us are forced to endure, it is for them. - All these things are very true and it’s also very fitting that the main motivation for Katniss would be to ensure a better future for the children of Panem (and to avenge the evils done to the people close to her heart... while Katniss of course can see the abstract bigger picture/reason for the rebellion, she always operates best when it comes to specific people/circumstances she has a deep, personal connection with)... But also: all these things apply to you, too, Katniss! Despite your tendency to feel responsible for everything and everyone, you’re still a child that had to grow up way too fast and had to endure way too much!

We need someone to direct us and reassure us this is possible. And I don’t think I’m that person. I may have been a catalyst for rebellion, but a leader should be someone with conviction, and I’m barely a convert myself. Someone with unflinching courage, and I’m still working hard at finding mine. Someone with clear and persuasive words, and I’m so easily tongue-tied. Words. I think of words and I think of Peeta. - Katniss’s idea of a great leader for the rebellion is Peeta - interesting, isn’t it (she could have considered Gale, but no)? She makes a good point, though: it helps when a leader has plenty of charisma, and our boy has that in spades; he’s got a good set of morals, is not above joining in on the action/risking his own neck when the need arises and is very genuine and purposeful with his words and actions, which is inspiring... I think Katniss is severely underselling how courageous she is, though

He could move a crowd to action, I bet, if he chose to. Would find the things to say. But I’m sure the idea has never crossed his mind. - Why would you assume that, Katniss? Peeta’s literally the one to suggest to you that trying to placate the district might not be the right thing to do... Peeta’s not someone who’d stir up trouble just for the sake of stirring up trouble, sure; he’s much more deliberate about doing things the ‘right’ way, but he’s not generally opposed to challenging authorities (he’s literally the one to openly gift some of your winnings to another district!)

She knows what she’s doing, my mother. I feel a pang of remorse about yesterday, the awful things I yelled at her as Peeta and Haymitch dragged me from the kitchen. “I’m sorry. About screaming at you yesterday.” - It’s so sweet how Katniss feels sorry for yelling at her mom and apologizes to her; their relationship really has improved so much in this book - “I’ve heard worse,” she says. “You’ve seen how people are, when someone they love is in pain.” Someone they love. [...] Of course, I love Gale. But what kind of love does she mean? What do I mean when I say I love Gale? I don’t know. I did kiss him last night, in a moment when my emotions were running so high. But i’m sure he doesn’t remember it. Does he? I hope not. - Katniss is struggling to figure out in what way she loves Gale... She definitely doesn’t want him to remember their kiss because she knows it wouldn’t be fair to give him the hope that she might be able to return his romantic feelings when she is still in the dark about her own

... and I can’t really think about kissing when I’ve got a rebellion to incite. I give my head a little shake to clear it. “Where’s Peeta?” I say. - Lol, goes on to immediately mention the guy she’s been kissing these past few weeks (see, with Peeta you could actually have both: kissing and rebellion, Katniss - he’s the perfect man, isn’t he? 😉😋)

“He went home when he heard you stirring. Didn’t want to leave his house unattended during the storm,” says my mother. - Yeah, I don’t think Peeta left because of his house; I’m pretty sure he needed some time to himself after seeing Katniss and Gale this morning - he is the type of person who needs to be alone to work through his feelings when he’s feeling upset - “Did he get back all right?” [...] “Why don’t you give him a call and check?” she says. I go into the study, a room I’ve pretty much avoided since my meeting with President Snow, and dial Peeta’s number. After a few rings he answers. “Hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home,” I say. “Katniss. I live three houses away from you,” he says. “I know, but with the weather and all,” I say. “Well, I’m fine. Thank you for checking.” There’s a long pause. “How’s Gale?” - Aww, Katniss is worried about Peeta and gives him a call, although she hates being in the study 😊 Also, her calling him must have been at least of some reassurance to Peeta that she genuinely cares about him, in some way (though, he’s still clearly busy processing her relationship with Gale, since he’s asking about him as if he hadn’t seen that dude just a couple of minutes prior)

“Have you seen Haymitch today?” “I checked in on him. Dead drunk. But I built up his fire and left him some bread,” he says. “I wanted to talk to - to both of you.” I don’t dare add more, here on my phone, which is surely tapped. - Despite everything, Peeta still made sure to look after Haymitch! And I know, there is also the issue of their houses themselves potentially being bugged, but I couldn’t help imagining how they could easily avoid the whole phone-tapping thing simply by using a tin can telephone (they do live pretty close to each other, after all) 😂

“You don’t even have a phone,” I say. “Effie had that fixed,” he [Haymitch] says. “Do you know she asked me if I’d like to give you away? I told her the sooner the better.” “Haymitch.” I can hear the pleading creeping into my voice. “Katniss.” He mimics my tone. “It won’t work.” - Okay, but Haymitch mimicking Katniss’s tone reminds me so much of when Peeta mimicked her tone towards the end of their Games, when she was trying to persuade him to climb into a tree as a lookout while he was insistent she’d show him some plants to gather; these three, I swear! 😂 On a sad note, Haymitch is talking from experience here when he’s advising Katniss not to challenge the Capitol 🥺😢

Some streets away from the square, I see a blaze flare up. None of us has to say it. That can only be the Hob going up in smoke. I think of Greasy Sae, Ripper, all my friends who make their livings there. - Katniss considers the people from the Hob her friends - honestly, even if the Hawthornes, Everdeens, Peeta and Haymitch all had agreed to leave D12, I don’t think Katniss would have been able to go through with it - she cares too much about the people in D12 to have been able to leave them to their fate

“Well, I better go see how much rubbing alcohol the apothecary can spare.” He [Haymitch] trudges off across the square and I look at Peeta. “What’s he want that for?” Then I realize the answer. “We can’t let him drink it. He’ll kill himself, or at the very least go blind. I’ve got some white liquor put away at home.” “Me, too. Maybe that will hold him until Ripper finds a way to be back in business,” says Peeta. - Another instance of Katniss and Peeta being on the same wavelength, having taken precautions to help out Haymitch so he doesn’t have to go cold turkey again

We find Hazelle in her house, nursing a very sick Posy. I recognize the measles spots. “I couldn’t leave her,” she says. “I knew Gale’d be in the best possible hands.” - The second mention of someone having contracted the measles in D12 - Why the heck does the Capitol withhold measles vaccination from the people in the districts?! They’re inflicting unnecessary damage onto the very people they want to exploit... But I guess cruelty isn’t always about playing it smart and logical...

When we’re outside, I turn to Peeta. “You go on back. I want to walk by the Hob.” “I’ll go with you,” he says. “No. I’ve dragged you into enough trouble,” I tell him. “And avoiding a stroll by the Hob... that’s going to fix things for me?” He smiles and takes my hand. - They are a team, they stick together (and they are constantly holding hands, always physically linked to each other)😩💕 Also, Peeta pointing out the irrationality of Katniss’s train of thought to calm her down and stay with her reminds me of how he’s going to use logical reasoning to calm her down after the jabberjays in the Quarter Quell arena

We go back to the square. I buy some cakes from Peeta’s father while they exchange small talk about the weather. No one mentions the ugly tools of torture just yards from the front door. The last thing I notice as we leave the square is that I do not recognize even one of the Peacekeepers’ faces. - How weird is it that Peeta and his dad just talk about the weather?! Is this supposed to illustrate how in the Mellark family they just ignored the ugliness going on in their lives *cough cough* the abuse *cough cough* and just pretended that everything was fine, on a very superficial level? Also, it makes perfect sense that the Peacekeepers have been exchanged; the more time we spend with people, the more likely we are to like them - that won’t do if you want to have a ruthless authoritarian police force in the districts

As the days pass, things go from bad to worse. The mines stay shut for two weeks, and by that time half of District 12 is starving. The number of kids signing up for tesserae soars, but they often don’t receive their grain. Food shortages begin, and even those with money come away from stores empty-handed. [...] The eagerly awaited food promised for Parcel Day arrives spoiled and defiled by rodents. - This is just so awful and despicable 😞 Life in the districts was already horrible but now the government does not even honor the extortionary rules they themselves have set up! I can’t help but wonder if the lack of food could be traced back to rebellions in the food supplying districts and, to keep this from the inhabitants of the Capitol, the reduced amount of good food was (obviously) kept for the Capitolites, so that the bad food had to be sent to the districts, anyway... It just seems like such a breach of ‘honor’/etiquette on the Capitol’s part, I dunno... Or maybe Snow was just desperate to use any means necessary to stamp out any potential rebellions in the districts that he still had some control over...

Gale goes home with no more talk of rebellion between us. But I can’t help thinking that everything he sees will only strengthen his resolve to fight back. [...] Rory has signed up for tesserae, something Gale can’t even speak about - Poor, Gale! Poor Hawthornes :(

My fingers have all but decided to release the arrow when I see the object in the glove. It’s a small white circle of flat bread. More of a cracker, really. Gray and soggy around the edges. But an image is clearly stamped in the center of it. It’s my mockingjay. - It is so very telling that the true symbol of the rebellion combines something symbolic of Katniss (which also contains a nod to Rue) and something symbolic of Peeta (the bread/cracker!) The people in the districts have rightfully recognized the both of them as symbol of the rebellion; they have a truer vision of the matter than the more artifically/forcefully constructed symbol of rebellion that D13 /Coin will push - we will also see that when the people in D13 will view Peeta as a traitor, while the rebels Katniss will visit in D8 instead ask her about Peeta and assure her that they know he was speaking under duress

#thgagain #thg #katniss everdeen #hunger games #thg meta #peeta mellark #haymitch abernathy #gale hawthorne #my sketches and drawings #thg fanart #catching fire

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amazingphilza · 4 years ago

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snap out of it :: cc!multiple x reader

angst (?) , platonic , gender neutral ! tw / mild intrusive / repeating thoughts ! ib: arctic monkey’s snap out of it

i kinda wrote this as a vent / in mind of wilbur being straightforward about how we don’t know him & he doesn’t know us (this is not written directly for any specific cc, but all of them in general! & not in the connotation of hate towards anyone)

you never really got out of your minecraft “phase”

it was something you were genuinely passionate about & couldn’t imagine not enjoying in your pass time

just like people who were into disney no matter how old they were

everyone had their own interests and yours happened to be a block game

you weren’t surprised when you discovered the dream smp and quickly found interest in all the members

but eventually it had gotten to the point you couldn’t go by a day without watching their streams, even if it wasn’t specifically minecraft

the feeling was absolutely dreadful

you knew you’d always respect all of your favorite content creators’ boundaries but occasionally you couldn’t help but wonder

what’s been happening in your world?

what have you been up to?

you never went as far as sending intrusive dono’s but your brain itched and you hated it

the worst part?

the thought of one of them dating someone?

it ached

or imagining a small content creator on your fyp blow up from their first tiktok and getting whitelisted on the server right after?

absolute pain

you couldn’t tell if it was your head or heart though

but you never particularly viewed any of them romantically or anything, even if some admitted that it didn’t make them uncomfortable

not to mention, if/when any of them actually came out publicly to say they’re dating someone, you would be happy for them, no doubt

and if a small youtuber or streamer did somehow get to blow up so fast they were added onto the server right away, you’d be excited

but why did it hurt thinking?

you kept arguing with the two sides of your head, both being irrational whilst considerate at the same time in their own ways

one was being considerate to the content creators; you were being irrational, overprotective, and jealous for no reason for ever thinking you could even talk to them personally or anything

another was being considerate to yourself; they would never know how you felt and repressing these feelings wouldn’t make you feel better, just as long as you never said these thoughts in public

you wanted to grab both your shoulders and shake them

snap out of it, y/n

but imagine spending a day with the dream team for a day! how fun—

snap

what about maybe visiting london or brighton for a bit? like it seemed really pretty in the vlogs—

out

you know how determined you actually are though. if you’re patient enough and work hard you can become the next biggest youtuber—

when covid is over, you’ll be able to buy tickets to twitchcon and meet of them! but imagine if you were actually friends with—

it was like you were under a spell

you were hypnotized by your own thoughts

how could you be so blind? so ignorant?

snap out of it, y/n

you don’t even know them, it’s just a small bit of their personality, you never will—

snap

and they will never date or interact with a fan in a personal level, what’s wrong with you—

out

stop thinking your life is a fanfiction, these are real people you’re thinking of, have some human decency to least respect—

if you really cared you wouldn’t view them this way, you’re disgusting—

even if your thoughts always remained internal and no content creator would ever know...

they made you feel so happy and safe.

you wanted them to feel happy and safe.

you felt sick

#aaa another thing written rly early in the morning #it’s 4am pls #this is honestly a mess might delete later #dream smp imagines #dsmp x you #dsmp x reader #mcyt imagine #mcyt x reader #mcyt x you

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shepherds-of-haven · 3 years ago

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Hello dear author, please give us some noble life lore: like "(chapter 6) she's wearing a different perfume from yesterday's [...] You wonder if it means anything, the way fans or colors do." well? does it mean anything? and if so, what do different scents mean? (like citrus-y and herbal in the chapter because lavi is ready to fight a bitch and get to work/investigating or...?) and colors if it's not too much ? thks!

Hi, thanks for your question! There's a lot to unpack about aristocratic culture in Blest, probably way too much for me to attempt it here... I'll try and talk about perfumes for now, though!

Flowers are extremely important to nobles, both in their color, type, and scent. Sending specific floral arrangements to people--be they friends, admirers, or enemies--can have extremely pointed messages. Wearing specific colored flowers can, too. This applies to perfumes and scents as well--the scent of jasmine means something very different from the scent of rose--but I'm not going to get into the absolute specifics today, just the general outline of things!

In the broadest sense:

Single Floral (perfumes and scents dominated by a single flower): these vary in meaning depending on the flower scent itself; for example, a jasmine scent might imply jealousy and the need to watch yourself, while gardenia in the afternoon is for tea (gardenia at night is intentionally confusing); lily of the valley means someone's out for blood, but this is rarely used because people don't like to advertise that feeling for maximum effect. :)

Floral Bouquet: this is the most common type of perfume for most, and heirs and heiresses can sometimes pay exorbitant amounts to develop signature blends and scents that allow people to identify them as individuals. (For example, Lady Summerfield, Lavinet's friend, is famous for her signature scent, the formula of which is a carefully-kept secret: no one even knows the perfumer who developed it. Connoisseurs have detected notes of posies, pears, rose, gardenia, and bergamot, but the exact composition is unknown.) These tend to be more identifying flavors than particular meanings or messages, but not always; and when they do have messages, they're obviously more multi-faceted and layered than the single flower perfumes.

Fruity: a fairly common subclass of scent, fruity smells tend to be mixed with floral scents and are almost always sweet. Depending on the fruit used as the head note, the meanings can vary. Sometimes there's a conveyance of coyness; other times it's a sweet innocence (such as visiting a suitor whose advances you're pretending not to notice as a subtle hope that they'll go away or understand the rejection--kind of like deliberate friendzoning?? like hey you might think this is a date but I think it's just an outing between friends!!); many times it's an invitation, whether romantic or sexual or platonic, depending on the situation and scent. Fruit scents are worn exclusively during the day.

Amber: these tends to be the scents around casinos and game parlors, consisting of notes such as ambergris, vanilla, incense, wood, and occasionally smoke. Amber scents are almost always connotations of wealth and power, and therefore are common to wear to business meetings and situations where rivals are present. Wearing amber scents to a meeting of friends is considered sort of strange and alienating, whereas wearing them to social occasions like parties can be seen as either boastful or attractive. Amber also tends to connotate luck.

Woody: these tend to be scents with head or heart notes such as sandalwood, cedarwood, vetiver, patchouli, and others. Woody scents and perfumes are not common among nobles around the Central Territories or the South, but become slightly more common the more North you go (still fairly rare). They're more common among the upper/upper-middle class, but when worn among nobles, they tend to give vibes of "I'm just chilling, let's be calm or leave me alone"--sort of like a submissive display, to indicate they're not looking for trouble.

Leather: these tend to be scents such as honey, tobacco, tar, wood, fire, or leather, and these can have a variety of meanings depending on the context. Sometimes it's like "I'm tryna fuck tonight and it's going to be nasty, dirty sex, not sweet romance" or it can be like "I'm out for blood" or even "stay farrr away from me if you're the one who pissed me off because I'll cut you". Leather scents are worn exclusively at night, and rarely.

Chypre: this is a hard class of scents to describe - these tend to be fresh citrus scents mingled with softer, darker notes like oakmoss, patchouli, musk, or bergamot?? A white tea sage or a green tea bergamot blend might be considered chypre. Chypre scents tend to be friendly but not necessarily as alluring or inviting as floral scents like rose. They may be worn to occasions like baby showers, birthday parties with close friends, or graduation events. Depending on the scent blend, though, they can also mean different things.

Herbal: these are sharper herbaceous scents than chypre, with scents like lavender, grass/moss, or coumarin (similar newly-hewn hay). There can also be citrus smells like orange or lemon, but herbal scents are generally considered "green." Herbal scents used to indicate a level of boldness or scrutiny (you would wear one while going to see Lady Isolde in her parlor, to indicate that you're either watching her or that you won't back down). Famously, an aristocrat wore an herbal scent called Brute to their trial, so it's become popular to wear the same scent to either proclaim innocence or unapologetically acknowledge fault (like "yeah I did that, and I'm not sorry about it!")

I will say that colors often do mean things to other aristocrats, whether in a fashion and aesthetic sense or as a message to others--like wearing a red dress or outfit after a breakup is a big "fuck you" to your ex while wearing anything with a yellow sash indicates "hey I'm respectfully not dating anyone for X amount of time out of respect for my ex but I am also interested in someone here and am totally down to pound if you're willing to wait"--but it also varies by region and local court culture, so there isn't a universal template there!

Thanks for your question!

#Shepherds of Haven #perfume #scent #scents #smell #smells #cologne #worldbuilding #fashion

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flyingcookierambles · 3 years ago

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sadness over a3! eng i guess

oof just on my 700th day.....

kinda sad because of the announcement about A3! ENG server shutting down soon due to financial difficulties at LIBER/CYBIRD in the past two years (covid-19 related, etc.). according to a rather in depth reddit comment that had links to LIBER's publicly available financial reports + some financial reports from LIBER's parent company, Aeria, in english, covid-19 really hit LIBER hard since they had to cancel many money making events, from pop-up shops for the typical anime merch trinkets (keychains, plushes, pins, etc.) to the huge in-person events (voice actor meetups, the stage plays of MANKAI LIVE, etc.). due to shrinking player base on the ENG server + major loss of profits on both JPN and ENG servers, LIBER had to choose one or the other and they chose the JPN one, which i totally understand since it's way bigger there and the JPN fanbase will continue to give the franchise money more often. also, another person found a financial report/estimate from the google play store or something, and A3! ENG only made ~$20K to ~$10K in the past few months, which i guess is not enough to keep a server and localization company afloat.

i got pretty attached to the characters and it was a great game to help get by during college. and honestly, while i am very sad about this, again, i understand why LIBER did this, looking at their financial report from 2020. I would LIBER save the entire franchise rather than shut all the servers down, making us all unable to see our favorite actors ever again, even if it means that we ENG fans will have to go thru the extra steps of finding/reading fan translations, wikis, etc., to read any further stories from where A3! ENG left off. still, A3! ENG's localization was something special. i'm saying this as a TKRB JPN player who read the wiki for all the character voice lines and then had to see the official TKRB ENG localization make Yamabushi Kunihiro a rapper for some reason? lol. it was....weird.... meanwhile, all the memes and slang in A3! ENG didn't seem out of place and all fit their personalities because 3/4 of the troupes were all high school to college age and 3 of them were ~Gamers~. Out of all the gachas i've played, i feel like the only other F2P gacha game that had this incredibly smooth, all cultural jokes/puns translated in a way that still makes sense/fits the character/doesn't require a galaxy brain and some TL note to understand, is probably dragalia lost and that's only because it has frickin Nintendo localizing/publishing it globally for CyGames. Nintendo. i'll eventually read the fan translations of A3!'s Act 3 on the wiki, but it won't be the same without Kazunari's super high-energy influencer slang of "'whoa fam! that's totes 'blammable, gotta take a pic!" or Itaru's gremlin Gamer speak of "lol get rekt noobs" or Tsuzuru's tired dying breath of "that ain't it chief." the appropriate slang and relatable meme speak of the localization really helped humanize these characters as people of their respective ages, rather than just a typical formal speak or some directly translated JPN slang -> ENG that turns out super awkward that can be found in bad localizations.

going back to the reddit comment too, the death of A3! ENG servers could have bad repercussions in the future for other joseimuke games. josei, if you for some reason have been in the anime fandom but still don't know this term, is basically the genre of stories/video games/media/etc aimed at women. it's the mature adult counterpart to seinen, media aimed at adult men. basically shoujo/shonen = elementary/middle school/high school aimed while josei/seinen = high school/college/adult aimed if that helps. Joseimuke is a part of josei that is not specifically romance. while some josei/joseimuke can overlap with otome, aka female aimed dating sims/romance media, they have many things about them that make these all separate genres. one of the official A3! ENG translators and a known fan translator of another joseimuke gacha, Mahou Yaku/Wizard’s Promise, minami, goes more in depth with this in a twitter thread.

A3! was an actor raising game, and a big part of it was found family and relationships that were platonic. yet it got advertised as an otome, which has more connotations with dating sims and brings to mind other shoujo/otome games and anime where the cast is all high schoolers and the setting is most often in a high school. but, other than some characters making flirty jokes or implied to have crushes on Izumi/player character, many character relationships with Izumi are platonic and not romantic at all. Spring Troupe in the game also jokingly calls themself a family. the entire Mankai Company is basically found family. plus, since the game actually has time passing in story and the characters age with each year, half of the characters aren’t even in high school anymore. a large majority of them are in college or are graduated by now, with only a few still in high school. i’m not surprised if a reason that some people left the game was due to feeling bored with the slice of life/not romantic story, feeling that they were lied to about it being an otome, which was falsely advertised since it is a game meant for the older teens/adults demographic of josei/joseimuke.

i’m worried that other japanese companies will look at this shut down as a “josei/joseimuke doesn’t work well in the west” and never localize other josei/joseimuke gacha games like Mahou Yaku, EnStars, Twisted Wonderland, Helios, etc.

while i like otome and shoujo, i, as a 23/soon to be 24 year old college graduate and now tax paying adult, want more stories that have more mature themes and characters that are more my age so i don’t have to feel awkward when i’m playing some dating sim and i, a literal 23 year old adult, and trying to woo a 16 year old. it’s...a little awkward to say the least. i would gladly welcome more mature media that is categorized as josei/joseimuke.

sorry if this is all over the place, but overall im just sad that A3! ENG is shutting down. i don’t know if i’ll join the JPN server yet. i’m def going to read the Act 3 story via fan translators on the wiki, but A3! gameplay was...boring lmao. as much as i love A3!, im sure that the constant event grind/burnout and boring rng gameplay turned people off too and i dont blame them. i felt the burnout bad since i participated in basically every event since day 1. it. is. rough. i’m not joining the hellish thunderdome that is the JPN server and im not ranking anymore as a F2P player lmao. literally had to play almost every waking free moment to get into the 30%-20% bracket as a F2P person and i never got to top 20%-10%, much less top 1% lmao. i’m don’t whale enough lol.

i feel like i should probably just. crack open my genki 2 textbook and uhhh totally legal pdf copy of tobira. so i can just. get the JPN version of games in the first place so i don’t have to worry about getting shafted since overseas fans are often considered expendable.

i wish that, when any games that are online end, gacha or mmo or anything, anything online, companies will let fans archive things. or like. release a book that is just the story text or something. like. CYBIRD is letting us still technically play the game and have the story and all, but what if they eventually later shut everything down? why not just release a pdf/ebook that’s just the text of the eng localization for some money? i’d buy it. for nostalgia and rereads and all and also archiving purposes. i think i’ll try to help with any english localization archive projects if i can so that the hilarious and incredible localization that was a work of love from the translation team doesn’t just disappear forever.

well.

that’s it for now. as i said, guess i’ll head to the app for one of the last times to read the last unread stories and mini stories i have left, then the wiki for Act 3, and then i guess i’ll crack open genki 2 and bunpo.....

some fun random links for you to think about!

random ffxi article that came to mind (if ffxiv ever shuts down in the next 20 years or whatever i’d be cool to get a statue of my character at the end)

and death of a game playlist by NerdSlayer Studios on Youtube that has me thinking a lot about game preservation and losing MMOs and games

the lost media wiki and blameitonjorge’s lost media iceberg

other gacha games i’ve played that have shut down that i think about sometimes because the loss of A3! ENG isn’t my first rodeo:

terra battle & terra battle 2 (1)

AFTERL!FE

(related kitsu post link for archive reasons)

#rambles #games n junk #sad over a3! eng loss #a3!

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crispyapplepies · 4 years ago

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AkuRoku Defense pt 2

Axel and Roxas’s ship has had one of the most bizarre fandom journey’s i have ever come to witness. It has gone from being one of the most popular ships maybe ever, to being dead cancelled over a supposed age gap and I find that completely unfair, especially when it speaks to so many innocent people who emotionally depend on the ship, (yes innocent includes the spicy people because art literally is not a crime). So its time to defend it.

Brief Review on Nobodies vs Aging

First of all, l already explained in part 1 what the Nobodies Don’t Age thing means but I’ll go over it again briefly, since it can be confusing, though also many people seem to demand their hands be held rather than use their imaginations to understand. Even so, here’s the short version just for a review:

-A person in KH is made of a heart, body, and soul.

-The body reflects the heart in KH. (See: replica bodies taking on the appearance of the heart that’s inside them).

-A nobody lacks a heart, making them just a body and soul. They’re advanced zombies of sorts.

Nobodies do not age because they have no heart for the body to reflect. This is why they won’t change until they form one. Change includes age

-Ergo, you can imagine any age you like for Axel to be nobodied, cuz he was frozen at that age and did not change for 10 years. Not until he met Roxas.

We’ll come back to this again later.

Axel Loves Roxas Canonically

Second of all, Axel loves Roxas and you are allowed to interpret that as platonic, familial, or romantic, I don’t care as long as you’re not forcing that idea on others like the ship police. That said, people are allowed to explore how romantic this love potentially is.

And what you might like to know is that the canon is even open to this. Axel’s love for Roxas is canonically expressed, and if you would like, you can even interpret that love as romantic. See below:

We are going to look at the japanese translation because AS ALWAYS good old SENA is here for the straights and erases the gay, like clockwork.

In English, Axel says this:

Axel: I wanted to see Roxas. He...was the only one I liked... He made me feel...like I had a heart. It's kind of...funny... You make me feel...the same...

Axel’s line here in Japanese:

Axel: I wanted to see Roxas... I loved him. Being with him... it made me feel like I had a heart. I feel it from you, too... the same kind of....

You may notice that as romantic as the line “he made me feel like I had a heart” sounds, the original can be read as wAY gooier, specifically cuz of this word:

好き: "suki"

Now here’s the thing. Japanese is a pretty vague language which is why context is so important for these things, as well as what you say, and what you don’t say.

“Suki” is a very key word here because it is often used in romantic confession scenes.

(I have no idea what this panel is from, I apologize lol)

It CAN mean something casual, like “I love video games”, but considering Axel is saying this with his dying breath, I don’t think we should be treating it as some hyperbole. He is referring to a person and it is meaningful. However. It is still a word with plausible deniability. Japanese has several words for love, “ai” for example being one of the most inarguable means of referring to romantic love. So choosing “suki” still leaves room for the homophobes to disregard it as something not romantic. Which makes it objectively inconclusive. Here is the thing though… they specifically chose that word, suki, a word which IS so often used in a romantic context in many anime and manga.

They also chose to use that word rather than something objectively platonic. Which means you also cannot conclude Axel did NOT mean it romantically. Given his devotion to Roxas, and the fact that they chose this word of all words for him to say… I’m personally going to assume it’s romantic. You are free not to interpret it that way. But I am because I am considering the fact that they did not choose something strictly platonic.

(My translator friend actually freaked out when I showed her this, she’s translated and seen enough confession scenes to know what connotations that particular word comes with lol).

If you’ve read my queer coding doc, you may recall I also go over how this is one of the most important tricks with queer coding. You write something that CAN be viewed as queer but with plausible deniability for straight people to ignore it. It’s a means of protecting oneself and the text from homophobic oppression. It is a legitimate practice. So even though it can be denied as a queer text, it can also very very well be viewed as a definite queer text. We are choosing to queer it here. It is not as explicit as it could be, but it is still very bold, suggestive coding considering the homophobic world we live in, and especially with KH2 being released in 2004.

“But Age Gap!” (ughhhhh)

We’re back to this cuz I also finally have the Japanese version of that infamous page in the Day’s novel to look at.

I hope you’ll forgive me if I get a little bit salty but I don’t like to repeat myself lol so I’m gonna try to keep this section short and to the point.

In this interview with Nomura, he expresses that nobodies do not age, and they exist as they were at the time of becoming a nobody. He then suggests Xemnas seems 30 ish.

Now I truly do not care to hold your hand through the process of thinking creatively because you should be using your own imagination, if you have one, to think critically and creatively about what this idea means.

Kingdom Hearts is a FANTASY game. Nobodies are a FANTASY concept. They can break ALL the rules about real life that you want them to. But I will go ahead and explain this for you even though I’ve already done it many times, in this very document even and in other meta posts.

The body reflects the heart. Nobodies are frozen as they are from the moment they are “born”, which is to say the moment they are created. Glorified zombies. They aren’t going to age unless they form a heart. Why does Xemnas look 30? He has a heart! Or he was formed 10 years after TerraNort defected. You tell me. Why did Ienzo age? I dunno, you tell me! Either he formed a heart and didn’t know it, (he’s passionate about his work, he loves Ansem the Wise, any number of things could’ve made him form a new heart), or he was nobodied later in life. Axel is frozen at whatever age he was when he was nobodied, all the while Ienzo could’ve been nobodied 10 years later. It’s a fantasy, and these are fantasy rules. That scenario can happen. YOU decide. Until the canon tells us for sure, your imaginations can run wild with explanations. Even if the canon does tell us, you can still imagine whatever you want for your own headcanons. Freedom is amazing, it’s salty and sweet.

Now let’s talk about that annoying page in the Days novel people keep shoving in my face.

This one right here. The official english translation is this:

That’s not the worst translation I’ve seen them put out there. But let’s look closer at the Japanese:

Here, Axel says he thinks Roxas is about 10 years separate from himself, but things like age don't exist for nobodies.

Already that’s making a lot more sense to me for nobodies since we are told nobodies do not age. As such Axel speaking like he is 10 years older would feels almost contradictory when he has no heart and cannot change.

This wording is important. Recall me saying that Japanese is very vague so all of the context matters. No one is denying that 10 years passed between Birth By Sleep and Axel meeting Roxas. However. Nobodies don’t age.

(please dont make me explain that a third time in this essay alone)

The Japanese and English both express that age does not apply to nobodies, (as discussed above^^^^) and the Japanese furthers this with its wording. They have 10 years of separation between Axel being nobodied, and Roxas existing.

Axel saying in English that Roxas is simply 10 years younger than himself is rather misleading considering the ambiguity of the original. I can’t fault the translators too much for not understanding this nobody concept so well because it is obviously confusing. However, I do not think Axel was saying Roxas is literally, in real life human somebody terms, 10 literal physical years younger than him. He is expressing that he became a nobody 10 years ago whereas this guy became a nobody very recently, and it shows with how little he can even function right now. A zombie who has been wandering around with no heart for 10 years meets a fresh zombie wandering around with no heart for 1 day.

I know antis are gonna use it against us no matter what, but at least know that akuroku is not inherently pedophilia nor is it inherently an adult/minor ship.

In many of our headcanons, Axel was frozen at age 18 or 19, with Roxas being 16. Absolutely no one is required to view them with a big age gap because imagination is free and you literally have no right to police it, but also because the canon expresses these nobodies as beings outside of the realm of age. They do not operate under real life rules or somebody rules. Think of Steven Universe where Rose was thousands of years old but only “grew up” as a person when she fell in love with Greg, a human in his 20s-30s who asked her to consider other people’s feelings. Consider the mind of a nobody as a state of Neverland. You aren’t gonna age unless you step out of it and change. Mature. Isn’t it sad that Axel did not feel like he had a heart until Roxas? No wonder people ship it!

Coding is Obvious

Finally I wanna conclude on a simple thought. This interview right here? I’d be curious what the original Japanese actually says lol but the english translation of it says that romantic akuroku was not Nomura’s intent.

Here’s the thing though. If you know anything about queer coding, you know that using romantic coding between 2 male characters is signaling something. It is not something you should ignore. It would not be there if the characters were meant to be viewed as objectively straight. And for something “unintentional”... there sure is a lot of coding at work here.

From Axel pinning Roxas down and asking him to come home in a very sexually suggestive pose,

to watching the sunset in sheer bliss together just enjoying the peace of reunion,

to watching the sunset together while talking about what LOVE is, specifICALLY romantic love,

To this. And I already told you what this was in Japanese.

I’m not saying Nomura lied…

But I am saying that a whole staff worked together to create these games, and it is very difficult for me to believe that no one thought to say “these characters appear to be romantic, let us change the scene to be more platonic” if the characters were not meant to be romantically suggestive.

Tl;Dr I wanna live in the timeline where people let you ship akuroku lol

#akuroku #akrk #axel kh #roxas kh #kingdom hearts

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boycottyashahime · 4 years ago

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Alright, so I’m bad at Tumblr, and though I wanted to just reblog the original post from @strawberrycreampiefluff and put most of it under a cut or perhaps find a way to trim it, I couldn’t find a way to make it work. So, we’re starting a new thread. Here’s the link the other one if anyone reading hasn’t been following the discussion and want to catch up: https://strawberrycreampiefluff.tumblr.com/post/625063196626223104/what-do-you-think-of-this-whole-ppl-shipping

Anyhow, since we discussed this beforehand, I’ll start from the beginning, only working with the storytelling elements from the series, and I’ll leave out the latter part of the post regarding moralizing (which I mostly agree with anyway, so it’s no loss to me).

“I was trying to convey that considering the methods of storywriting and telling, it would break the “pattern” Rumiko Takashi built up and lowering the impact of Sessh character growth he would later experience. A father-daughter bond is not inferior to a romantic bond, but it would seem out of place, to have both his father and brother form a romantic relationship with a human and then Sessh breaking that pattern by introducing a new kind of relationship-dynamic - when he is the most crucial character in the series when it comes to demon-human relations.”

I’m still quite unclear HOW the impact of Sesshomaru’s character growth is necessarily lowered from not having a romantic bond with a human. Why is the continuation of this pattern so important, in your view, to the character’s development? From my perspective, introducing a new relationship dynamic into and breaking patterns is actually a good thing in stories - It’s a great way to add variety and a different point of view to a narrative. Having characters take a pattern in a different, unique direction can add meaning in a way the reader couldn’t see coming, give the story unexpected dimension.

And you’ve already said that you and other shippers like yourself don’t see anything romantic while Rin is still a child in the original series, so that is effectively what happened. Since we agree that the relationship wasn’t actually romantic within the context of the original Inuyasha series, Sesshomaru took a love of a human in an entirely different direction than his father or his brother did. Which conveys complexity in how youkai can relate to humans that wasn’t in the established pattern. As a reader, I find that kind of thing fun and engaging, though you may disagree.

“A father-daughter relationship would still put Sessh in a superior position to Rin (as the father), not adding a lot to his character development other than him caring for one other human being.”

I have to wince here, because while yes, technically Sesshomaru is in a superior position to Rin in a father-daughter relationship, the implication here is that this can be compared to the sense of superiority he had over humans as a whole that you referenced earlier. Is a parent-child relationship really comparable to a racist outlook? I feel like these two things are quite unrelated, having two ENTIRELY different connotations from the word “superior”. One is an entirely natural superior position, using one’s greater experience, knowledge, and ability to facilitate the growth and guidance of someone still on their way up. The other is a wholly unnatural and malicious disregard for a person based on superficial features. Sesshomaru’s superior attitude toward humans before he met Rin was not based on a paternalistic concern, but complete disgust and the notion that they were entirely unworthy of consideration. The two connotations of “superior” here are just not analogous in the greater narrative.

“In a romantic relationship, both partners should be equals (anything other is unacceptable), for this to happen Sessh would’ve had to lower himself (his pride) to Rins level, since he was the one with the big ego and humans were regarded as one of the lower creatures of the food chain.”

Again, I think it is entirely possible for Sesshomaru to learn not to regard humans as “lower on the food chain” through a relationship that ISN’T romance, but that aside, this whole notion brings up a question: why didn’t Rumiko Takahashi write Rin into the story as a young adult? We’ve already discussed how romantic implications to the relationship couldn’t exist while she’s still a child in the series, and why Sesshomaru and Rin are definitely NOT equal during the series. So if it was so important for Sesshomaru to be otherwise equal to Rin so he can lower his pride and truly consider her such, why was Rin not written as a fully autonomous adult so we could cut to the chase? It seems that if what you’re describing was really Rumiko Takahashi’s intent, it would have been a lot easier if the girl was already grown up. At the very least, our dear author could have ended the series when Rin was an appropriate age to actually make the point instead of leaving it hanging.

“Doing the exact same thing he criticized his father for, which for him would’ve been humiliating in the beginning of the series. The sequel (if you regard it as canon) goes even farther, making him create his own half demons - the very reason he hated his brother in the first place. His mother even said he becomes like his father in the strangest ways - and the only “strange” thing we know about his father was his romantic relationship with Izayoi.”

Since English isn’t your first language, I’m guessing you’re just mistaken in the map of this sentence, but the word “strange” here is referring to Sesshomaru’s behavior in relation to his father’s. What is strange is how Sesshomaru is like his father, not his father’s ways. This actually makes the opposite point - it seems to refer to the ways in which Sesshomaru is behaving as odd, maybe in relation to a pattern his father fit into.

“That’s why I think it wouldn’t fall apart if we draw the parallel in a wider context as you say, because other characters didn’t have the same starting point as Sessh. I very much agree with you, that Inuyasha’s platonic bonds would also count as a dog forming close bonds with humans, but in Inuyasha’s or Shippou’s case, they didn’t need the same character development like Sessh, since they had a different attitude towards humans or “lesser-beings” in the first place (Inuyasha was even past the stage of lowering himself, also out of romantic reasons btw, since he was ready to become human for Kikyo).”

I’m curious as to how the parallel and pattern matter if it’s null and void because Inuyasha and the other characters we talked about have different character arcs. Of course they aren’t starting from the same place as Sesshomaru, characters never do. They’re varied and diverse because it would be boring as tar to write them all going through the same issues. My point about the parallel was that even if it could be said that there’s some similarity in how dog YOUKAI form bonds with humans to actual DOGS, it’s not really a good parallel, because there are other “species” of youkai much less friendly with humans doing it too. I’m having trouble understanding what this argument has to do with that.

In reference to the above, I agree, the example characters you cited didn’t have the same level of dismissive racism as Sesshomaru did (I say “same level” because Shippou does carry a bit of prejudice, even as a small child), but when that’s apparent, why is the pattern even relevant? Since the characters aren’t set to all learn the same lesson, their relationships shouldn’t really resemble each other’s in the long run either, should they? Writers use relationships as tools for character development, and they usually want to use the right tool for the right job. Maybe romantic love with a human was right for Inuyasha because he had issues with vulnerability and reconciling his half-heritage. What if SESSHOMARU benefited more as a character from an unconditional bond (free from the conditions of sexual/romantic attraction) to demonstrate to him how even the weakest creature is incomprehensibly valuable for reasons impossible to articulate, and they are worth using his incredible level of “superior” power to protect and defend them? It’s a different kind of humbling oneself than what you were talking about, but I think it’s just as meaningful, and it fits Sesshomaru’s character development neatly into the the original text. It doesn’t require Sunrise make a sequel more than a decade later to wrap up the character development that Rumiko Takahashi meant to do when Rin grew up even though she could have just written her in as an adult in the first place.

“But Rin will obviously not always stay 8/11 years old, she will grow into her own person and become a woman (while living apart from Sessh), creating a completely different power dynamic with Sessh. One that would still be an imbalance, but much different than when she was a child.”

As far as the narrative was concerned, Rin COULD very well have stayed a child forever, though. She was written as a character in a story. When the story is done, so are the characters. You’ve said before and here that Inuyasha is just fiction, and it is, but accepting that means accepting that Rin doesn’t grow up without some prompting. She doesn’t age but through the hand of a creator, fanfiction authors or Sunrise. When you say she’s not going to stay 8-11 forever, what you mean is that actual humans who experience actual time are not satisfied with her age as it stood when the story ended, and actively impose time upon her.

And since applying time to a fictional character is something that has to be intentional, so too do the conditions you mention to create the perfect environment for the ship. The different dynamic that isn’t father-daughter, but still a little bit of not-weird power imbalance. The “lowering” of Sesshomaru’s ego in that specific romantic way (that I’m still not sure I understand, but we’ll go with it). The way in which the romance is developed without either character realizing it so that Sesshomaru can’t be accused of using the power imbalance to manipulate a girl he’s had authority over since she was eight. Returning to what catalyzed the change in Sesshomaru in the first place while carefully treading around the fact that it was built upon an unconditional relationship that now suddenly has conditions on it. That’s a lot of mental legwork to do, which is fine, because that’s part of creative expression. But you have to acknowledge that none of this would be necessary if the pairing were “obvious”.

It certainly wasn’t very obvious to some of us. We came to a very different conclusion, saw everything a bit differently. Now we’re being punished for having a less popular interpretation of this relationship, shut down by SUNRISE and told that we don’t get to have that interpretation, because they’re considered an authority on what is canon in Inuyasha, and they’re taking sides to squeeze more money out of the Inuyasha franchise with a next-gen sequel. It doesn’t seem to matter that Sunrise was never really very good at telling Inuyasha stories, or that next-gen sequels never seem to be any good for lack of stakes and boring plots.

Sunrise’s interpretation is still considered to be more “valid” than ours. And that really hurts. So, if you found yourself wondering why there’s so much vitriol coming from the anti camp, it’s a combination of this, and the fact that they don’t really have the option of avoiding the content they don’t like anymore. It’s kind of EVERYWHERE now.

So, there we are. I don’t want to give the impression from the above that I’m trying to tear apart your arguments to somehow discredit the pairing. Shippers gonna ship, whether it makes sense to me or not. But I did want to highlight how any of the things you bring up can very well be interpreted entirely differently.

Hope you’re doing well, and you did well on that exam. :)

#inuyasha #anti sessrin #iy discourse #sesshomaru #rin (inuyasha)#@strawberrycreampiefluff #apologies for the technical difficulties #i'm tumblr illiterate

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inactiive-shit · 4 years ago

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Electricity

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Masterlist

Warnings: references to past issues, intrusive thoughts, Remus-normal stuff

Pairings: Platonic Intruality, background romantic Royality

Words: 2,224

Summary: Remus is like the clock that still has cogs. He does work. It is just a different kind of working than others are used to. Sometimes, he must be wound, sometimes his gears malfunction and he must be reset. Sometimes people ignore his face for the ones printed in pretty, glowing numbers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remus is vibrating.

That’s not some weird metaphor for sex, he’s not alluding to anything that isn’t exactly what he means.

What he means is: his body is running about a million gigawatts through every single atom. How else would you explain the flailing arms, bouncing legs, loud screeching noise that is coming out of his mouth, or the white streak in his hair that he swears wasn’t there yesterday? No, there is no other explanation. Remus is being electrocuted enough to kill an elephant ten times over and he still has the unfortunate luck to not only be living through it but aware of it as well.

Which, really, depending on which Gods he’s currently worshipping, is deserved. Zeus would probably smite him, given half a chance. But that isn’t Remus’s problem until it actually happens, and this isn’t that.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This was one thousand - I’ll raise you two - I’ll raise you three thousand percent electricity made and controlled by Remus’s own brain because sometimes even his body is against him. He can’t always control the bullshit that comes out of his mouth, and sometimes he feels disconnected from his arms when they flail around and accidentally land a gnarly black eye, and do you really think he would keep bouncing a hole through the floor with his leg if he had the choice to just stop for a minute?

But he doesn’t, because things often don’t work out for Remus. It’s just what he’s come to expect. Stupid because he can’t do easy things, nonsensical because he can do hard ones. Confusing because he reads with music on, lying because he can hear your watch ticking from across the room and cannot do simple math with a distraction like that. Uncaring being so impulsive, wrong for trying to be considerate. Always, always, Remus is never enough.

Remus is like the clock that still has cogs. He does work. It is just a different kind of working than others are used to. Sometimes, he must be wound, sometimes his gears malfunction and he must be reset. Sometimes people ignore his face for the ones printed in pretty, glowing numbers.

He doesn’t know who the problem really belongs to, whether he is running too fast for everyone else’s day, so that he has twenty-eight hours for their twenty-four, or if they simply don’t know how to read the time on an analog clock, with it’s spinning hands and whirring parts. He figures there’s not much to figure out about all that, not really. At the end of the day, he is the one out-numbered, he is the one impulsive, he is the one with oxymorons that run like code through his system that works for him and no one else.

Remus is not the problem, he is their problem.

But right now, more specifically, he is Patton’s problem. Roman had left him alone in his house, assuring him that he’d be back in half an hour. Due to some crappy traffic, crashes, making a few other stops, and having his other friends require his help, Remus was still sitting - bouncing off the walls in his house alone when Roman’s fiance Patton got back.

In the twenty minutes proceeding, it’s all been downhill.

“Remus, please stop that,” Patton says, mouth twisted into a politely downturned smile most likely because it’s not the first time he’s said it. This is also not the first thing Remus has done that made Patton ask him to please stop. It doesn’t feel like as much of a win as it usually does with Patton’s genuine if nervous smile when he’d first seen Remus today.

Remus launches the bouncy ball at the wall again, snatching it out of the air before it can shoot away to break one of their overly expensive vases. He grins at Patton, lips pulling a little too wide, and does it one more time, then pockets the ball.

“So so so,” Remus sings, flipping himself upside down on the couch and staring at Patton. “What’s up with you, A-Pat-thy? Get it? Like apathy but-”

“But with my name, yeah,” Patton says. There’s almost a smile on his face, which is not the kind of reaction Remus’s nicknames usually get but he’s not objecting. “Wait here,” Patton says and leaves the living room. Remus takes the ball out of his pocket and puts it in his mouth instead. There’s not much reason to it, just rough and round and in mouth. It has no taste but it feels like stretchy sand, which Remus will make the second he gets the supplies he needs.

“Let me ask you,” Patton says, returning with one hand held behind his back, “how fondue you find puns?” He presents Remus with fondue-covered bread. Remus jumps off the couch, clapping his hands.

“Oh, punderful!” he exclaims, accepting the bread for the olive branch it is. Remus may be a million things that other people have accused him of, but he’s never been dense - as much as Roman would have liked him to notice less. He knows a peace offering when he sees one.

“That’s just too cheesy!” Patton says, really laughing.

“You better be bread-y because there’s more where that came from,” Remus says, pointing at Patton with his bread. He cackles.

“Well, well, well, you better just Skittle on out of here, because puns are my business and you are about to go bake-rupt,” Patton says. He makes finger guns at Remus and Remus collapses back onto the couch, clutching his wounds gravely.

“Oh no, the Sheriff of Punnery has yeasted me again.” Patton wrinkles his nose. “On bested?” Remus asks. He refrains from saying his buns were just too powerful because that can carry connotations and this is his brother’s fiance; he doesn’t want to make things too weird when he actually kind of does want Patton to not-hate him.

“It’s passable,” Patton says. “But I think I out-punned you this round.” They both laugh at the last, unexpected pun of their duel, and Remus has to concede defeat here. He nods acceptingly.

“I must agree. My brother has picked a worthy adversary.” Remus’s leg starts bouncing again now that he’s sitting down, and the electricity is coming back full force so that the air around his skin is crackling with energy he can’t touch. It’s arcing through his veins like molten rocks, leaving behind a desire to jump and scream and move, but his leg bounces and he picks at his nails and chews his lips and tries not to be any more obnoxious than he has to be.

“I have some spaghetti I was going to heat up for dinner,” Patton says. “It’s nothing special, and if I’d known you were coming I would have made something better, but we can split it.”

“That sounds pasta-tively delicious,” Remus says. “I can’t remember the last time I had spaghetti.” Patton laughs and goes back to the kitchen - which, from Remus’s limited understanding of their life, is where Patton lives. He can’t say for sure, but he’s pretty sure Patton is some kind of human-sized brownie that enjoys cooking. Is it technically bestiality that Roman is going to marry him?

Remus is still musing over Patton’s perilous status as human and rubbing the carpet bare with the ball of his foot when Patton returns with two plates of spaghetti. He sits on the couch next to Remus, which is strange. Not many people sit next to Remus if they can help it. He doesn’t say anything though. As much as he’d like to make a crude innuendo or pun (as much as they’re clawing up his throat to be voiced), he will not mess this up. They’ve only just decided to be brothers again, and he won’t fuck up like last time.

“Do you like it?” Patton asks, jolting Remus. He nods hurriedly.

“It tastes better than any gourmet rat I’ve ever had,” he says, shoving another handful in his mouth. Patton’s face twists up again, but Remus can’t and won’t just not talk. “You know, there are a lot less rats in dumpsters than you’d expect to find. And there’s a lot of stuff that’s totally functional that people just throw away. It’s crazy. The world would quit working without trashmen. They can make or break an entire neighborhood. Once, when Roman and I were kids, there was a huge storm on garbage night, ended up with trash all up and down the streets. I don’t know who cleaned it up, but it wasn’t us.” Remus keeps talking until he’s forced to stop to breathe at which point Patton interjects.

“I noticed that you move around a lot.” Remus immediately stops all movement before it picks back up and the intensity increases. “Which is fine,” Patton continues hurriedly, “but I was just wondering if you had heard of something called pressure stimming? It helps me when I start to get restless. I just thought of it because fidgeting that much makes me tired.”

“I have never not ever heard of such a thing,” Remus says, speaking quickly. He flutters a hand through the air and it looks kind of like a drunk hummingbird. Wouldn’t that be an interesting sight? Remus adds it to his to-do list. “What does it entail?”

“You just apply pressure to yourself, like sitting on your legs or something. Or you can do it with another person on a larger scale.”

Remus doesn’t say doing it, huh? How forward of you despite that being the loudest thought in his head for approximately five seconds. “You mean punching people.” Remus nods wisely. Punching is a good way to calm down.

“No!” Patton cries. “Nothing violent! Like cuddling.”

“Yeah,” Remus says slowly, “I have no idea what you mean.” He lifts a shoulder nonchalantly and shoves another handful of spaghetti into his mouth. But then his plate is lifted out of his lap and he looks up into Patton’s eyes, much closer now than he had been a few seconds ago.

“What’re you doing?” Remus whines, watching his plate leave him with all the regret he can summon.

“Can we cuddle?” Patton asks. “Like, platonically?”

“Uhm, sure?” Remus says. Patton pushes him so that he’s laying down flat on the couch. Remus turns his head to look at the wall and wonders what on earth his brother’s fiance is about to do. If something goes bad here, if Patton does something Remus didn’t ask for, Roman will still believe Patton over him.

Remus can’t lose his brother again. Not so soon after getting him back.

“What are you,” Remus starts and begins to sit up, but then Patton is flopping carefully on top of him. Remus’s back is pressed firmly into the couch. Patton makes a comforting weight on his chest that almost lets him drown out the stupid voice in his head yelling chew his hair and pull the threads so his shirt comes undone and he’s in eye-poking range.

“Take a deep breath,” Patton says. Remus does as he’s told without thinking about it first - not always a good thing to do - and immediately feels like he’s settled exactly where he’s supposed to be, with the couch firm under him and Patton solid above. He’s content.

He hasn’t felt like that in a long, long time.

“Do you like it?” Patton asks.

“Yeah,” Remus says. He reaches up hesitantly to rub his eyes, almost afraid that if he moves this apparition will evaporate (it wouldn’t be the first time.) “It’s...nice.”

“I’m glad,” Patton says. He pauses for a moment and Remus wonders what thing he’s not saying, what Remus is doing that is wrong and bad and loathed-

“You’re not fidgeting as much,” he says quietly, which is definitely not what Remus had been expecting. “Do you feel calmer?”

“I-uh.” Remus chokes and he flutters a hand in the air before trapping it at his side. He’s surprised to realize that he doesn’t really feel that electricity burning through his synapses, telling him to pick his hand back up and fling it around like a badminton racquet when the shuttlecock has gone out of range. How strange.

Remus’s eyes flutter shut before he can stop it and he sighs heavily, giving himself fully over to the comfort of the moment. “Yeah. I feel calmer.” His fingers trace patterns against his pants and his leg shifts. Patton moves slightly and Remus holds his breath, hoping that he hasn’t done anything to make Patton mad at him, but he only adjusts himself to Remus’s new position and stays where he is.

Patton hums on top of him, and while the otherwise silent house is a bit too much for Remus, this noise isn’t entirely unpleasant. He finds himself slipping away, feeling so tired and okay and really, actually safe here that he shuts off before he can stop it. His last solid thought is wondering if Patton is like a lightning rod, attracting the electricity out of Remus so that Remus can finally relax. His brother really did fall in love with someone good. Despite everything, Remus is glad that he’ll have that.

He falls asleep without electricity snapping against his skin. It is a singularly amazing experience.

#sanders sides #ts remus sanders #ts patton sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #ts remus #ts pattton #ts dark creativity #ts morality #fanfic #my writing #electricity #intruality #platonic intruality

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piffyfaq · 4 years ago

Text

Here's the basics!

This will expand over time! :]

1. I might change my name a lot!

I've went by previous names, but don't say them unless you're a good friend of mine.

My name is Brute!

Piff/Pip is a nicknamed based on Epiphany. Which was a name I was considering. :)

2. I'm nonbinary! (specifically agender/genderflux)

I use neopronouns!

Sun/Suns are preferred and mandatory.

Here's how they can be used!

Sun/Suns/Sunself |

"I recommend Brute's art, sun has an amazing art style!"

"I like Brute's art! Suns way of drawing is cool!"

"Perhaps sun could give you a link sunself."

3. I am Taken!

Lave is my girlfriend!

I talk about them and with them frequently, if you have not noticed. Yes, we are dating. We are together. In a relationship. I'm her joyfriend.

And we're both polyamorous! We have two other s/os but I don't think they wanna disclose who they are which is fine <3

I am only saying this because I know you guys before liked to accuse me of cheating and shit for some fucking reason. It's not really any of your business.

But yes, for the sake of clarifying: we are dating.

4. I am White.

And if you guys ever have anything you need to confront or call me out about, please let me know. Please.

I am trying my best to unlearn a lot and educate myself. Please don't hesitate to talk to me about it.

5. I'm 20 years old!

And my blogs are +16

And I would heavily implore that you do not interact with my page unless you are at least 16.

I'm discomforted by minors specifically seeing my things when I typically make things humored towards adults. Not everything I make is +18, but I have that sort of language and humor and I would again like to protect you from that rather than project it.

That and I get attached to friends quite quickly and I'd prefer not to be close friends with a minor as a 20 year old... It would make me feel very uncomfortable.

Again I hope you understand...

6. Please Use Tone Indicators

I got a lot of mental problems going on.

I'm autistic (and otherwise neurodivergent for a sea of other reasons on top of that) and ommunication is. :] hard.

I have adhd so topics and fixations might bounce around a lot. I also have severe anxiety so like, that's fun.

I won't get into how all my uh. breakdowns and reactions work cuz I feel like that's a bit... hhh. But all I ask is that you be patient with me. :]

/j = joking

/hj = half joking

/s = sarcastic

/srs = serious

/p = platonic

/r = romantic

/l or /Ly = lyrics

/t = teasing

/nm = not actually mad/upset

/neg = negative connotation

/pos = positive connotation

/lh = lighthearted

/nbh = no body here

/li = literally

/ij = inside joke

/rh or /rt = rhetorical question

/gen = genuine question

/hyp = hyperbole

/c = copypasta

/f = fake

/g = genuine

Fandoms I Might Talk About |

- Danganronpa (unfortunately)

- Punch Out (specifically Punch Out Wii era)

LOZ (mostly Linebeck tho)

Dream Daddy (Self Indulgent...)

Jojo's Bizarre (Not all of it tho)

Lupin III (kinda)

Don't Starve (kinda)

Mario Bros (barely - maybe about Luigi or Bowser)

Sonic (tho mostly OC shit with my brother if anything)

Animal Crossing (SELF INDULGENT...)

ATLA/LOK (tho not so much anymore...)

(surely there's more but ye)

They're mostly seen on @thefixationstation, however.

#piffy's info

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azulsartdump · 5 years ago

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Okay, but the real question is, how does Set and Azul’s relationship work romantically/platonically?

A great question, anon! Sorry for the late response. I had to take a little bit to think it over and write it out.

I talked about it with @lucifan-rad and we have agreed that their dynamic is akin to the patented big quiet and smol loud. Details are under the cut because as usual my writing is a lot longer than I was expecting it to be.

Set is rather stoic and tends to keep to himself most of the time and Azul is the type of person who wants to be friends with everyone. She’d almost definitely be that one that initiated their friendship at first, and would probably be the one putting in the most effort to try to get to know Set more for the first few weeks.

Azul is very much a giver, and she loves to spoil her friends with gifts and affection. She does it because she rarely ever received them when she was an angel and it’s her way of making sure the people she loves know that she cares. Set’s had a lot of people try to butter him up to try to get something out of him, so he’d be really suspicious of her for a while.

Once they get over that initial hurdle and Set finally realizes Azul actually doesn’t want anything from him, they’d probably get close pretty quickly. I’d imagine their relationship would be pretty much the same whether it was romantic or platonic with a few exceptions of Azul being more affectionate in specific situations. Azul is very much a people pleaser and tends to say what people want to hear to avoid conflicts with them. Being around Set helps her relax a lot because she can be honest with how she feels with him.

Set appreciates her honesty and is grateful to have someone around that can pull him out of unwanted social situations at the drop of a hat. She also encourages him to loosen up a little bit and have some fun, which is something that he desperately needs. She’ll often drag him out on spontaneous trips to cafes or other big events and he usually goes along with it if he doesn’t have anything planned that day. She’s also one of the few more powerful demons in Devildom that don’t worship the ground that Diavalo walks on, so that’s nice.

Azul tends to be very vocal compared to Set, and it’s a surprise to a lot of people they meet that Azul is the one who speaks up to defend both herself and Set. She’s so small? How can something so tiny be so loud? She’s also the first one out of the two of them to throw hands. Set is her impulse control in this regard since he’s one of the few people that can match her strength and calm her down when she gets too overwhelmed with her emotions.

Speaking of emotions, let’s get heavy. They both have some deep-rooted issues regarding them feeling like they were used by people in the past, but they both deal with it in different ways. Set tends to bottle up his emotions a lot and Azul knows this. She’d try to convince him to become more comfortable with opening up to her because sometimes it’s good to talk about how you feel and let everything that’s been bothering you out.

On the other hand, Azul feels her emotions very strongly and it’s always very easy for her to get carried away with them. When she gets hit with strong waves of negative emotions, she tends to spiral a lot and having Set as her pillar of support helps her ground herself before she loses it completely and hurts herself or someone else.

There’s also one last issue that I can only imagine would be addressed if their relationship became romantic and that is the fact that she is the fallen angel Azazel. She hates that name because it comes with all the negative connotations of her title, “The Scapegoat.” The only person she’s ever told this to was her previous wife. She has to be able to trust someone with her entire being to have the confidence that she can tell them about her given name and if there’s anyone that she trusts that much it’d probably be Set.

#azul talks #oc #set #anonymous

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mueritos · 5 years ago

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Hello! Can I ask.. what does it mean to be aro to you? I know that it means you don't have any interest in romantic relationships, but how does it apply to you? Does that mean that you don't like any physical affection at all? Or gestures of love? Not necessarily from a partner, but from family usually. Does aro just mean that you like only platonic relationships? But you've said you're not opposed to sex (so no emotional link to those people). Sorry to intrude, I'm just a little confused

Hello! I can only give my own experience, so it’s best to be aware that my own experience is not telling of others’. I’ll answer each question asked, then.

1. For me, being aro has meant something much more than being unable to relate to or engage in romantic relationships. Philosophically, I tie it more to the Existentialist idea of free will, but also, questioning the validity and intricacies of romance leads to metaphysics at times (though not completely, more or less just questioning reality). I always felt romantic relationships to be encroaching on aspects of myself and my identity. I’m a very emotionally independent person, so I always expect that of others. Introspection into my queer identities solidified that, and the fact that I pushed myself out of episodes of suicidal ideation on my own. Being aro has allowed me to accept parts of myself that I repressed or hid to “fit in” to a society that pushes monogamy, romance, compromise, and emotional/physical limitations.

2. I don’t mind physical affection, I get a lot of it from my closest friends. I hug and cuddle my friends a lot, sometimes kissing each other on the cheeks. When I know certain actions have romantic connotations or feelings toward them, then I am uncomfortable. I also don’t initiate touch often unless it’s with someone I’m very comfortable with. I hold my own personal space highly, so I do the same for others out of respect. I get my doses of love and affection from family and friends, so I dont feel a need to seek anything else out. I also think of these affections as affirmations for the self love that I have worked hard to build within myself. The fact that I have stable relationships with people and that I’m comfortable enough with myself to view their affections as simply something extra outside of my own allows me to thrive as an emotionally independent person. I don’t seek validation anymore, I seek affirmation. Gestures of romantic love I do not like when directed toward me. Flattering I suppose to know that you are wanted, but if anything, it makes me realize just how little people actually know. People having crushes on me is my biggest annoyance; it just proves that I have issues with people having (idealized) perceptions of myself that are different than my own perception of myself.

3. I don’t only like platonic relationships, and I think this can be confusing for a lot of non aro people. Our relationships aren’t limited to platonic because romance may be out of the question (some aros do like dating and do date), but sometimes platonic relationships don’t capture the level of intimacy we crave with someone that isn’t romantic. I don’t like compromise, I don’t like sharing space or having my valuable time taken away, I hate being idolized, and I do not like feeling I am this other person’s only Person. I can certainly see myself in a partnership with someone (or multiple people at once), but they would be under specific terms and I wouldn’t mind being physically intimate with these people either. I don’t see myself doing one night stands because I like emotional intimacy. If I were to have sex, it wouldn’t be with just anyone just because I don’t care about the romantic implications behind it; sex is something vulnerable and I treat it as such. Sex doesn’t need to have a romantic context behind it to be treated seriously. There are few people I’ve considered entering a partnership with, but because I don’t ever initiate anything or do anything that might make that known, I don’t ever breach anything beyond my own fantasy. Yes I'm aro, but I don’t treat any relationship lightly, and I have very emotional ties with people. I am just more lenient and less likely to engage in things in ways other’s want me to (I’ve been called cold and heartless because of this).

I hope I answered your question and wow this became a ramble, but I hope it gave some clarity. Even now I still try to work through what aromanticism means to me haha

#pittsanswers #aromantic #lgbt #LGBTQIA #lgbtq+

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commentaryvorg · 5 years ago

Text

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Bonus 3.1 - Dangan Salmon Team (Kaito Edition)

This is postgame content, so people shouldn’t be reading this without having already finished the main game anyway. But just to be safe: while this is non-canon character stuff, I will sometimes be mentioning events that happened in the main story, so there will be spoilers for the main game.

First of all, can we talk about the ridiculous title of this game mode? “Love Across the Universe: Dangan Salmon Team”. Or, in Japanese, “Year-round Space Variety Love Show: Dangan Red Salmon Gang”. The salmon part is just your average Danganronpa weirdness, but on the other hand I do like the inexplicable space theme they’ve also got going. I like to think this is less because of the fake story about them being on a spaceship, since they don’t try and push that angle at all in this AU, and more just because Kaito, did you know Kaito is the most important character.

The title screen of this mode really leans into that space theme, too. It’s even got a rocket! And most importantly the rocket has a window, remember how Very Important it is for all rockets to have windows.

(In other Inexplicable Space Theming for this game, there’s a BGM piece used during trials that’s called “Class Trial Space Edition”. SPACE. Space is important in this game, you guys.)

For clarification, since the title does not remotely explain the point of this, this is the social interaction side mode in which you can get the FTEs of everyone you didn’t do during the main story (not that that’s what I’m here for) and then also some extra bonus interactions. Those bonus bits are what I’m here for, specifically with Kaito, because it’s me, and Kaito is the only character I like to such an extent that I even want to cover this bonus fluff for him. The title is about space, so clearly spending even more time with Kaito in particular is the entire point of this game mode, right?

This mode has the most half-assed introduction explaining its premise which I’m not going to go into in detail because it doesn’t deserve it. The gist is that things begin as they do in canon, except then Monokuma abruptly decides to cancel the killing game and have a reality dating show instead because apparently that’s what the outside world would prefer. The couples who end up together get to leave!! which is gross and manipulative and amatonormative and unfortunately very believable as something a shallow audience like this one might want to see. And, sure, it is an improvement on them being made to kill each other, but this is definitely still some level of fucked up. If any romances did form during this, how could the people involved be sure their partners’ feelings were really real and not just faked so that the two of them could escape? How could they even be completely sure about that for their own feelings? This would result in the most unhealthy of relationships.

Kaito: “Hey, what the hell are you talking about!? Telling us to fall in love or whatever? What do you want us to do!?”

Okay I said I wouldn’t do this in detail but I do like that it’s Kaito in particular who objects to this specific idea. If people are being forced to fall in love, then it’s not people acting on their own feelings at all! Kaito doesn’t have any specific opinions about romance that we’ve ever heard, but this is from his principles about being true to yourself.

So… that’s the thing about this mode. While it makes sense with the overarching V3 twist that this is just to entertain a shallow TV audience, it leaves things with this uncomfortable patina of being all about romance. Even though the free time events are exactly as they are in the main story, and most of what the game calls “dates” aren’t explicitly romantic either, that’s still apparently supposed to be the goal. And while I just talked about how messed-up this setup is for forming romances, which could at least be potentially interesting to explore if they acknowledged that, the narrative plays it completely straight because of course it fucking does. It’s not only the in-universe audience that’s being amatonormative here.

Kaede’s FTEs in particular, since they only exist in this Amatonormativity Mode, really lay on the romance more heavily than I think they would in any other context, which makes me not want to cover them even though I otherwise might like to because Kaede’s one of my favourite characters. (As far as I remember, they’re not bad or anything, it’s just Not My Jam.) And it seems that some of the characters’ ending scenes for this mode also embrace this annoying idea and shoehorn more romance in them than they really should have. For example Maki’s ending scene is mostly fine until it suddenly insists that she and Shuichi are romantically into each other, which is provably not in line with canon because Maki becomes equally close to Shuichi in the main story and there are no romantic feelings on either end there so why should this be any different. And it’s not just her ending scene: a small handful of Maki’s dates and other dialogue specific to this mode try and make her all stereotypically tsundere towards Shuichi in what I can only assume is a very tiresome attempt to hint at romance between them, and ugh no get it away leave Maki the fuck alone she does not deserve this.

However, this game is also reasonably heteronormative, and while heteronormativity is of course objectively terrible and needs to go away, it does mean that when things are also being amatonormative (another thing that is equally terrible and equally needs to go away), there’s only 50% as much amatonormativity as there could be. So, since Shuichi and Kaito both happen to be guys, all of Kaito’s scenes in this mode remain completely platonic. While Monokuma didn’t mention this and everything in the flavouring of this mode is trying to pretend this is totally all about romance, apparently any people who become epic inseparable platonic friends also get to leave? Which I am very happy about, because I would not want to cover this otherwise. I don’t like it when my adorable friendships are diminished with romance, dammit.

So now to complain about the other awkward thing about this mode, which is how horrendously artificial and inorganic it feels to actually play. For one thing, we’re playing as Shuichi, but he’s already removed his hat and is apparently also already Kaito’s sidekick as we’ll be seeing, even though literally none of the character development and interactions that were required for Shuichi to make that progress has happened. And that shouldn’t have had time to happen offscreen either, since Monokuma declared that there’ll be a 10-day time limit for people to partner up, and then you get dropped into the game on Day 1. It’s just really hard to buy this AU as a properly justified and backed-up story.

Then there’s the fact that all the other characters you can hang out with just stand in a fixed spot in the courtyard – always the same spot every day – apparently just waiting for Shuichi to come and talk to them. If you do an FTE and not a “date”, they will then stay in this exact spot (apart from rare exceptions in which the FTE itself involves going somewhere in particular) for the whole event, despite that this might be awkwardly in earshot of another student who’s busy standing unmoving in their own spot nearby. There’s no sense of this being a story and not just a game – no hints of any kind of other friendships or community forming or any of these characters acting like people beyond just existing for Shuichi to get close to.

Which, okay, is pretty understandable since this is just a hasty bonus mode mostly slapped in here to make getting everyone’s FTEs easier than replaying chapters of the main story. But even so, there’s Kaede’s and Rantaro’s FTEs and then all of the “date” scenes and graduation scenes which are all scenes that only exist in this AU – that’s precisely why I’m here covering Kaito’s ones in this commentary – and so it would be really nice if they’d actually put, like, any effort at all into making this AU feel like a real story to give these scenes a more robust context. As it is, these scenes mostly just feel like context-less snippets of character insight, and if anything really needs more context then you have to use your imagination and come up with it all yourself.

But anyway, I’m here to talk about practically everything Kaito ever says and does, and I’m damn well going to do it regardless of how little context I get for it.

First, actually, while wandering around the courtyard I learned that you can talk to the two Exisals that are at work there, one of which is the good old red Exisal, and Monotaro actually has something kind of interesting to say. (Shocking, I know.)

Monotaro: “I’m the red Monokub! That means I’m a main character, so I don’t tell lies! …Hm? But then, why do they call them ‘bright red lies’? Are lies red? Does that mean I’m a liar?”

Obviously I always figured that Kaito got the red Exisal because it’s the main character’s one and therefore the most fitting for a hero like Kaito (plus there wasn’t a purple option). But this is an interesting potential extra reason why they chose that colour! I can only assume this is a Japanese saying because I’ve never heard it before, but that’s neat if it’s really a thing.

Kaito’s designated Unmoving Courtyard Spot is sadly not the training spot. Instead, it is worryingly close to the gates to the casino. Kaito, no.

Dates Hangouts

So the main bulk of content unique to this mode is a series of mini-scenes you can get with each character after having maxed out their FTEs. The game refers to these as “dates”, but screw that, I’m going to refer to them as “hangouts” despite what the game calls them because the romantic connotations of the word “date” annoy me. Let’s hang out with Kaito! In a… slightly different sense of hanging out than what happens for his FTEs.

You get to choose one of five locations to hang out in, and then the game gives you a set of three options to pick for that place, which will vary in how much your hangout partner enjoys it. If you then later hang out with that person in the same place, it’ll give you a second set of three options, and then a third set the next time. Once you’ve had all three sets for a given location, it won’t give you any more options and you’ll just get a generic “we hung out for a while” textbox. So within one playthrough of this mode, for each character, you can only see three out of the nine mini-scenes for each place, or only fifteen out of the forty-five in total. Which is fine if you’re just trying to max someone out and get their ending, because that takes a minimum of five scenes if you get the best outcomes. But if you’re trying to see all the scenes, it’s a bit inconvenient.

What I’m saying is that I’m going to have to do three separate playthroughs of this mode to get all of these for Kaito. I do not envy whichever wiki writer went and compiled these for literally every character, but I am definitely thankful to them for removing the need for anyone else to do this, and for allowing me to see all these scenes beforehand without doing this myself. (I’m doing it myself here anyway because it feels more natural to me to transcribe the lines from my Vita after doing it for the whole game, but at least I wouldn’t have had to if I didn’t want to.)

Some of these are just going to be me fairly superficially going “hee look at Kaito being a dork”, and some will be me discussing how Good Kaito’s principles and outlook are some more. But the biggest reason I wanted to do this is that some of them go deeper than that and are relevant to his issues in some interesting way. They’re pretty delightfully subtle about it, as Kaito’s issues usually are because he refuses to talk about them, but they’re very present even in this context of just hanging out with Shuichi, since Kaito’s issues revolve heavily around his relationship with his sidekick.

For the sake of not having this be a completely disjointed read, I’ve grouped these hangouts not by the arbitrary categories of which location they take place in, but rather by some of the general ideas relating to Kaito’s character or outlook that I end up discussing with them.

First, though, just a couple of odd ones out that didn’t quite fit into any of the upcoming categories.

[A/V Room]

- Watch a horror movie

Kaito: “L-Like I’d watch something so uncool. What’s so fun about watching fake g-g-ghosts? Don’t get me wrong! I’m not s-scared or anything!”

Yep, this was of course a bad idea. The purpose of Kaito being written with his phobia is irrelevant in this non-killing-game AU, but since the writers changed their minds about doing the killing game after creating the characters, he still has it anyway.

While a player would choose this knowing full well it’s the wrong option, at least this isn’t Shuichi deliberately being a dick, because in this AU he wouldn’t know about Kaito’s phobia. He probably innocently thought Kaito might enjoy the thrill or something.

(Observe how “Kaito has a phobia of ghosts” is something that doesn’t fit into any of the categories I’ll be having here, which all have some kind of connection to meaningful parts of his character. Tsumugi, you’re a bad writer.)

[Library]

- “Let’s make a tower of books”

There’s only one thing of note about this one, which is this:

Kaito: “Let’s make a tower of books that’ll pierce the heavens!”

This is a delightfully blatant Gurren Lagann reference and I love it. They knew. They knew exactly what they were doing with Kaito’s character, and then some.

Astronauts and space

Obviously a necessary category for Kaito. Let’s talk about SPACE and his astronaut training!

[A/V Room]

- Watch a documentary on athletes

Kaito: “Seeing this makes me remember my astronaut training. Astronaut training involves just as much exercise as athletes do.”

It’s neat that he enjoys this because it reminds him of his own training. Kaito really would not normally slack off with exercise; the only reason it seemed like he was doing that in the main storyline is because he was sick!

Kaito: “I wonder how all those guys who trained with me are doing…”

Yeah, uh, about that…

Kaito: “Alright! Thinking about that made me super motivated! We’re definitely gonna get out of this place, you got it!?”

Oh dear, Kaito now especially wants to get out of here so he can see his friends from astronaut training again. They… don’t exist. Neither do his grandparents. When everyone escapes in this AU, they are all going to very abruptly learn that they’re “fictional” and none of their loved ones are waiting for them at all. That is not going to be fun for them. (And they’re going to learn that off-camera, in a way that is no longer part of this “story”, so the audience isn’t going to see how fucked-up this is and nothing is going to change.)

Since they’ll still have memories of their loved ones that feel real to them, and yet they can’t ever actually see them again, it’s basically going to be feel equivalent to if their loved ones had all died while they were in here. They’re going to be grieving for people they know in their heads never even existed. That did also apply to Shuichi, Maki and Himiko in the canon ending, but it’d have been a lot less significant next to all their grief for the real people whose deaths they actually experienced. In this AU, though, it’d be a much bigger thing.

(On the other hand, their pasts being fictional is still a good thing for Maki at least (whose best friend was already dead in her memories). And Kaito would still definitely take that opportunity to be happy for her even as he’s reeling from his own loss.)

[A/V Room]

- Watch a documentary on aliens

You’d think this’d be the one Kaito would enjoy the most of the three options it’s part of, but it really, really isn’t.

Kaito: “I totally get why you’d be interested in this documentary.”

Of course. Everyone should be interested in aliens, right?

But, alas, he goes on to say that he found out some time after having watched it himself that it was all fake.

Kaito: “The day I found that out… I’ve never felt despair like I did that day… How dare they mess with my adventurous heart…”

Turns out, the only way to make Kaito feel despair is to give him false hope that aliens exist, and then take it away. That’s adorable.

(Obviously he doesn’t mean real, proper despair, though. Kaito is literally incapable of feeling that; it’s like his superpower – remember when he convinced himself the destroyed outside world maybe wasn’t the truth with no evidence purely for the sake of not giving up? But still, it’s amusing that he uses that word.)

I wonder how convincing the documentary even was in the first place. Wouldn’t surprise me if it emphatically wasn’t and Kaito only believed it out of childlike optimism when he really should have been able to tell it was fake already, because he’s a dork like that.

[A/V Room]

- Watch a documentary on bugs

Kaito: “I remember a while back there was some theory that bugs came from space. All life came from the ocean and as far as I know, there aren’t any bugs there.”

Kaito, no, that is not how evolution works. Apparently whatever science credentials he has do not extend into biology. There being almost no bugs in the ocean any more doesn’t change the fact that they evolved from ocean-dwelling organisms just like all life did. There are no humans who live in the ocean either, but that doesn’t make humans aliens.

Kaito should sit down with Gonta sometime and learn about the evolutionary biology of bugs. He’d find it interesting (even if it does mean no bug-aliens), because he finds everything interesting! And it’d mean Gonta would have someone he could actually talk to about bugs who’s genuinely interested and not secretly squirming from revulsion.

Kaito: “That theory got shot down, but I always get so pumped up by stuff like that!”

I should hope it got shot down, because it didn’t make any goddamn sense. It can’t have even been a proper scientific theory in the first place. But of course Kaito just liked to be able to imagine there’s already aliens on Earth. Nothing’s stopping him from still pretending bugs could be secret aliens just to amuse himself! Fictions are exciting even though you know they’re not true!

[Dining Hall]

- Drinking green tea after a meal

Kaito: “Yeah! Green tea’s great! A piping hot cup of fresh brewed tea is seriously the best.”

While I’m emphatically not an expert on these things because I don’t drink either beverage, I would have pegged Kaito as more of a coffee person than a tea person. Maybe it’s just because tea is a lot more of a thing in Japan than coffee. Or he gets it from his grandparents.

Kaito: “But now that I think about it, you can’t drink fresh tea out in space, huh? It’s so obvious, I never even considered it… Well then! I’ll just enjoy it as much as I can on Earth!”

Oh no, what do you mean that going to space might be kind of harsh and empty of luxuries and not the best thing ever in every conceivable way!? He really has not wanted to consider any of the downsides of it at all. But at least he keeps a positive outlook about it now that he’s realised it, because he’s Kaito.

(Maybe Kaito likes tea so much that making himself a nice cuppa is one of the first things he does when he gets back to Earth… and then he promptly drops and breaks the cup because what is gravity.)

[Library]

- “Let’s study”

Kaito: “Yeah! In order to become an astronaut, you gotta study hard!”

Reminder: Kaito is not an idiot, and despite being kind of oblivious about certain things, is actually very book-smart!

Kaito: “Let’s start by studying language! And don’t let me hear you say you don’t need it.”

And it’s so him that this is the thing he wants to encourage Shuichi to study. Communication is vital in all walks of life, not just in being an astronaut!

Kaito: “There’s nothing unnecessary in this world!”

I still love this philosophy of his. Kaito is so good.

[Library]

- “Let’s look through photographs”

Kaito: “Photographs of the planets, huh?”

Yes, Kaito, Shuichi definitely meant this, he couldn’t possibly have been interested in any other kinds of photographs except those of SPACE.

Kaito: “When I think about actually being there and seeing them… I get the chills!”

THE ROCKET HAVING A WINDOW WAS VERY IMPORTANT

(not that he saw planets through it, but just being there and seeing it himself was so so worth it for any part of space)

Kaito: “Just you wait, planets! I, Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars, am gonna see you with my own two eyes!”

He’s such an optimistic dork. Just like with his bold claims to Kaede about how he’s going to meet aliens, this is probably not a thing that’ll happen within his lifetime. Maybe Mars, but not, like, multiple planets. But hey, let him dream!

[Courtyard]

- “Let’s relax in the sun”

Kaito: “It’s been a while since I was able to get some sun. Ever since I was a kid, I’d think about the universe while sunbathing.”

Oh, Kaito. He would turn sunbathing into an excuse to think about space, even though he can’t see the stars when the sun’s out.

Kaito: “But these days, I’ve been so busy with training, I haven’t had time to relax. Thanks to you, I remembered how important it is to relax sometimes!”

Yes, Kaito, it is important to rest sometimes and to not push yourself too hard. Of course that’s something he’d only think about when somebody else reminds him of it.

[Library]

- “I’m getting sleepy”

Kaito: “Yeah, it’s pretty quiet in here. But the silence of a library is nothing compared to the universe, y’know?”

Somehow, Kaito finds an excuse to make this about space, too. What a dork.

Kaito: “After all, the universe is just one big silent room. If you went up there, you’d probably be sleepy all the time.”

You’re… not doing a great job of making space sound inviting, Kaito. What happened to all the passion and adventure there’s supposed to be out there?

[A/V Room]

- Play dominoes with the movie boxes

Kaito: “I may not seem like it, but I’m pretty good at setting up dominoes! During astronaut training, we had to do dexterity exercises.”

More fun little tibits about the kind of skills astronauts have to learn!

Kaito: “I, Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars, will make a domino setup that will shock even you!”

But even so, it’s not the “Ultimate Astronaut” but rather the Luminary of the Stars who’s good at this, because he still much prefers the latter title for himself.

Also, the “even you” is interesting. Why would Shuichi in particular not usually be shocked by an epic domino setup? Does Kaito’s secret idolisation of Shuichi even extend to thinking he’d be inexplicably good at this? (Kaito’s secret idolisation of Shuichi shouldn’t even be nearly as much of a thing in this trial-less AU, though.)

[Dining Hall]

- “Let’s go in the freezer”

This is one of those very odd, why-would-Shuichi-ever-actually-suggest-this options. But it works on Kaito!

Kaito: “Did you know… In astronaut training, you have to be able to survive in subzero temperatures! If it’s a competition to see who can hold out the longest, I won’t lose!”

More astronaut training things! And of course Kaito would turn it into a competition. Though it is a bit much of him to think that Shuichi should do this even though he has no need to train in this particular dangerous way, but Shuichi did inexplicably suggest it, so, uh.

Kaito: “The loser has to say how many girls he’s had a crush on!”

…I don’t know about this line, though. While I don’t headcanon Kaito very strongly this way because there isn’t any actual evidence relevant to it like there is for Maki, I like to believe it could at least be possible for Kaito to be aromantic. This might just be me wanting to project onto him, admittedly, but the way he puts so much investment into his platonic relationships, including having an especially committed type of them in the hero-and-sidekick thing, is very enjoyably non-amatonormative of him. It just doesn’t feel right to me that Kaito would care that much about crushes – and, in particular, even less so that he would care about someone else’s crushes, which are really none of his business unless they choose to tell him about them. Peer pressuring Shuichi into admitting to anything of that nature when he might not be comfortable doing so really, really doesn’t seem to me like the kind of thing Kaito would do.

I don’t really have any actual evidence with which to argue that this is definitely out of character for Kaito, so this could just be me here – but it seems quite possible that this is an example of a line that kinda belongs in this next section.

The clueless intern

Remember that clueless intern last post who somehow ended up writing a handful of Kaito’s lines in the demo despite having only a very shallow grasp of his character that misses everything important about him? (That’s totally why those out-of-character parts in the demo happened, shush.) Well, apparently they were also given a few of his hangouts to write, as well. I feel it’s important to point out which few of these involve things that Kaito shouldn’t actually be saying.

[Gym]

- “Let’s play basketball”

Kaito: “You got guts to challenge me at basketball! Didn’t I tell you? My basketball skills are universe-tier.”

So why wasn’t Kaito in the basketball club in middle school? Because Ryoma needed to die, of course. (I suggested soccer as his alternate favourite sport in my Kaito-isn’t-into-tennis AU, but basketball, as another team sport, would make just as much sense.)

Kaito: “World-class athletes try to be my apprentice just to steal my skills.”

It’s potentially interesting to see him use the word “apprentice” here, when really that word would be a much more accurate and representative word for what he calls a “sidekick”. I guess in Kaito’s head, an apprentice is something totally different and only there to learn tangible skills such as this, without any kind of emotional support being involved? …Orrr the writer for this hangout just doesn’t know what they’re doing at all; that’s also possible.

Kaito: “But… my muscles are cramping, so I can’t really play basketball right now.”

See, I don’t like this. This whole thing was Kaito boasting about something he knows is not true with no intention of ever even trying to back it up, and making an excuse that is blatantly nothing but a lie. That is not remotely what Kaito is like, despite that he might seem that way at a glance. He may talk big, but the intent behind his words is always genuine, and for every instance in canon of him making what seems like an excuse to get out of backing up his words, it’s actually because he is literally sick and doesn’t want his sidekicks to know that. Meanwhile, this here seems like it was written by someone who knew almost nothing about Kaito’s character, briefly saw the part where he talks big, and interpreted it in the most superficial and typical way possible rather than actually understanding him at all.

[Dining Hall]

- “Let’s bake something”

Kaito: “Sorry, I’m not really in the mood for sweets. I need something… more manly. Something that’s gonna fill me up.”

This is the only actual time in the whole game, aside from the very first Misogyny Bullet that was also provably out of character, where Kaito talks about manliness in a way that seemingly is about stereotypically masculine things, if sweets apparently aren’t. This really isn’t his usual definition of the concept, and as such it also reads as out of character that he’d use that word here.

Kaito: “If you eat too many sweets, you’ll become a spoiled person.”

Still, at least he also has a more meaningful reason for not liking sweets much. Plus, you’d think that as an astronaut, he’d want to eat healthier stuff that’d keep his strength up.

(All this said, though, based on his gift preferences, Kaito does at least like ice cream.)

[Gym]

- “Ah, maybe we should take off our clothes?”

Another one that, what the hell, writers, Shuichi would be way too shy and awkward to actually suggest this even if he did secretly want to, this is blatantly just in there for some eyerolly shipbait. I would ignore this one entirely, but… we kinda need to talk about this.

Kaito: “Huh!? What are you talking about!? Save that stuff for the girls! Or wait, did you come out or something and not tell me!?”

Okay, so originally my plan for talking about this line was to say that I have no idea where the hell some people get the idea that Kaito is homophobic. This is the only line of his in the entire game that actually addresses the topic of homosexuality at all, and it’s apparently him being upset at the idea that Shuichi would have come out and not told him. His sidekick’s supposed to be able to tell him anything! He’d want Shuichi to trust him enough to be the first person he tells about something like this! Of course he’d be supportive about who Shuichi is!

…But the expression Kaito’s actually making for these lines is a kind-of-horrified face which definitely does not allow for that reading of it, and no, fuck off, fuck you, game, Kaito is better than this, he would be supportive of his sidekick, and of everyone, no matter what. This is Danganronpa’s occasionally-shitty writing temporarily affecting Kaito in a way that is not in character for him and I will hear nothing else.

See, okay, maybe I can accept Kaito having passively picked up bigotry like this through cultural osmosis as he was growing up (perhaps through his grandparents’ old-fashioned views, although people use his grandparents to justify Kaito’s supposed bigotry way too much when they should just be pointing out that it’s not actually in character for him to think that way at all as I’m about to do here and have done previously on the topic of misogyny). But that’s only a view Kaito would ever have in the background without really thinking about it. Kaito’s principles (his concept of manliness, even!) put a lot of focus on thinking for yourself and not just mindlessly going along with what other people think without deciding on your own if you agree with it. So as soon as a situation came along in which he actually consciously noticed his passive bigotry, Kaito would question why he even thinks that way and realise it’s wrong.

Remember, Kaito believes more strongly than anything that everyone is important and amazing and deserves to be the hero of their own story. He puts so much value in communication and co-operation between all different walks of life (he speaks English and Russian fluently and learned the cultures along with the languages), and even hopes for communication between humans and aliens if they exist out there. The moment Kaito were to consciously catch himself feeling inclined to think that some people apparently don’t deserve respect just because of something arbitrary about them that isn’t hurting anyone else, he would immediately stop, go “what the hell is wrong with me, that’s bullshit”, and work on training his brain to stop thinking that way at all. Kaito’s not perfect, but he’s always trying to be the best he can be, and this would be no exception. Anyone who thinks Kaito wouldn’t do this doesn’t properly appreciate his character, and that includes the writers of this game when they’re being like this.

[Library]

- “Let’s read a dirty book”

Another one that Shuichi shouldn’t actually have any in-character reason to pick, because he is evidently not this kind of person, remember when that was literally a vital plot point?

Kaito: “Hehe! Of course! It’s weird for guys to not look for those kinds of books in a library!”

The way Kaito phrases this… kind of almost suggests that he’s not actually doing this because he wants to, but just because peer pressure and society has made him think he’s supposed to want to. I’d like to say this is something the writers are deliberately trying to hint at, but that makes very little sense for Kaito in particular, because that’s not thinking for himself.

And if Kaito is supposed to genuinely believe that obviously all guys should be like this… then that’s also kind of gross and another thing I refuse to accept is actually in-character for Kaito to think. Shitty Danganronpa writing, leave Kaito alone.

Mentions of manliness

But anyway, let’s move on from those brief instances of out-universe bad writing and see some more examples of what Kaito’s concept of manliness actually means. He brings it up in a few of these hangouts, and all but that earlier one have a perfectly good understanding of it.

[Courtyard]

- “Let’s get some fresh air”

Kaito: “Yeah, it’s a hundred times better than the stale air inside. A man’s gotta be in a wide-open space, y’know? Staying indoors for too long will turn you into a narrow-minded person.”

Oh, look, Kaito explicitly does not want to be a narrow-minded person. Cough cough like not a sexist or a homophobe, cough! He even connects being open-minded to his concept of manliness, because of course this is along similar lines to that! Be true to yourself – and to do that, think for yourself!

Kaito: “That’s why I’m gonna go to the universe and be a universe-minded guy!”

Also, SPACE. But this actually makes a lot more sense than you might think – some astronauts have described something called the Overview Effect. It’s an overwhelming feeling they get when first seeing the Earth from space: the sense that all of the fights and prejudices and differences between humans down there are so insignificant in the grand scheme of how beautiful our planet is and how small we are in the vastness of space, and that we need to work together to protect our precious tiny blue dot. Did you know that astronauts are good? It’s not just Kaito; all astronauts are good.

[A/V Room]

- “We should focus on reality, not movies”

Kaito: “Right on! That’s my sidekick! A man should chase real passions, not sit around watching fake stuff!”

Since Kaito’s idea of being a man is all about being true to yourself, it follows that he’d also think a man should focus more on things that are real! At least, I guess, in terms of “chasing passions”, aka the things he wants to do with his life. We already know plenty about how much Kaito enjoys believing in fictional things like magic and kids’ games just because they’re fun.

Kaito: “Hell yeah! I’m fired up like crazy now! I’ll teach you all about the universe as I imagine it!”

Kaito. Buddy. The universe as you imagine it is not reality either. You dork.

[Courtyard]

- “Let’s go back inside”

Kaito: “Huh? Why’d you pick this place if you were just gonna go back? It’s not manly to keep changing your mind like that!”

Be sure of yourself! Only decide on something if you know you’re going to stick to it, and if you do change your mind after that, it should be for a good reason!

[Dining Hall]

- Sleeping after a meal

Kaito: “Yeah, you get it! As expected from my sidekick! They say sleeping after eating makes you fat, but you can’t fight instinct!”

Oh, dear. According to Ryoma’s comments on this same option (and you’d think he’d know better than Kaito), sleeping after eating is indeed unhealthy. But Kaito tells himself it’s a good thing to do anyway because it’s what he feels like he wants to do. And he’s happy that Shuichi agrees with him on this, even though it’s not actually a good thing to agree with him on.

Kaito: “And now that I said that… I’m feeling sleepy myself… Alright! I’m gonna listen to my instincts and sleep like a man!”

Sounds ridiculous, but actually a correct use of Kaito’s concept of manliness! He’s listening to what his body wants him to do, which totally means he’s being true to himself, right? …Even though in this instance he apparently shouldn’t be.

Exercise and training

This being Kaito, the options suggesting some kind of exercise are some of his favourites. Well… usually.

[Dining Hall]

- Exercising after a meal

Kaito: “I know that’s best, but don’t you get sleepy after you eat?”

Apparently Kaito is perfectly aware that it’s a bad habit of his to sleep after meals. Come on, Kaito, if you know it’s bad, you should be trying to break that habit, instead of justifying it to yourself because it can technically be argued to be manliness!

This hangout is one of the bad-outcome ones, and maybe the reason why is just that Kaito apparently really wanted to be validated by not being the only one with this bad habit.

Kaito: “I guess even though you’re my sidekick, we’re pretty different sometimes…”

But… it seems like it might just be the more general thought that he’s different from Shuichi that’s bothering Kaito here, as if he’s worried Shuichi might be less inclined to be his friend if he felt Kaito was too different from him. (Hold this thought – there’ll be more along these lines in the next post.) Being different doesn’t stop you from being friends, though, Kaito! He and Shuichi are very different from each other in a lot of ways, but that’s what makes them such a good team, because they complement each others’ weaknesses so well.

[Gym]

- “Let’s warm up a bit”

Kaito: “Yeah, it’d suck if I got injured and had to give up on being an astronaut. Let’s work on our warm ups, then. Oh, hold on. Is it possible to get injured doing warm ups? If that’s the case, then we better do some pre-warm up warm ups.”

Kaito… does not seem to be all that knowledgeable about how physical training actually works. (See also: his totally very “systematic method” for his sidekicks’ training.) Maybe he really should watch that documentary about athletes. Or sit down with Ryoma and learn a thing or two from him… except, ha ha, that’s not going to happen very easily now is it.

(…Not that I know any better myself whether Kaito’s right to be worried here. I may do daily exercise now thanks to Kaito, but I also have a very systematic method for it, which is of course to say that I don’t and have no idea what I’m doing.)

You’d think Kaito should know this stuff, but, well, maybe his in-universe writers were slacking off while giving him memories of the physical part of astronaut training. Which should have been a difficult mistake to make when you consider that Team Danganronpa must have this character-creation thing down to a science by now and that sport-based talents are very common. They should have a standard “general athlete knowledge base” section of Flashback Light data that they put into every sporty character’s Flashback Light, which should have included Kaito; they’re clearly aware that astronauts train just as much as athletes since they gave him knowledge of that fact. But apparently someone was sleeping on the job.

[Courtyard]

- “Let’s dance!”

Kaito: “Huh? Dance with you? Why? It’s not like I don’t want to, but… Well, whatever! If you’re suggesting it, I’m sure you’ve got a good reason!”

Let’s pretend Shuichi was suggesting this as a different kind of exercise, even though Kaito should probably have realised that’s why and have said so and been on board with it for that specific reason. Kaito should enjoy dancing in particular, too, because it’s all about expressing yourself!

(Honestly, the lack of Shuichi having any of his own dialogue in these past the initial options, leaving the hangout partner essentially just talking to thin air, is kind of awkward sometimes.)

[Gym]

- “Let’s do some muscle training”

The obviously correct choice for when you are in a gym with Kaito!

Kaito: “Alright! Let’s do 500 push-ups! We’re gonna go non-stop, so get ready!”

That is a big number. I can maybe imagine reaching 500 with a lot of breaks to rest – like, a lot – but non-stop? Yikes. Especially for Shuichi, who’s still new to this.

Kaito: “Huh? That’s too many? 500 should be a piece of cake for my sidekick! Don’t complain, just do it!”

But of course Kaito pushes Shuichi into at least trying anyway.

Kaito: “The impossible is possible! All you gotta do is make it so!”

Ayyyy! He still wants this to be known even in the bonus mode. If Shuichi believes 500 non-stop push-ups are possible, he’s a lot more likely to be able to do it than if he’s already written it off as impossible, after all!

…I doubt Shuichi managed to get anywhere close to 500. But then, I also doubt that Kaito did either, so after they both inevitably collapsed in exhaustion, they probably agreed to get there more slowly with breaks after all.

(If Maki were here too, though, she could totally do 500 non-stop without breaking a sweat.)

[Courtyard]

- “Let’s go for a run”

Kaito: “Yeah, sounds good! I haven’t been able to do my daily training since we came here.”

Surely he has been doing his daily training since he started training Shuichi under whatever circumstances kicked that off in this AU? Ugggh this AU and its lack of a proper contextual story for any of this.

Kaito: “Let’s run like we’re chasing our pasts!”

Usually when Kaito has a line that appears kind of ridiculous and there-to-sound-cool, there is actually some kind of meaningful substance to it that makes sense in his head. But I’m not sure what he could mean with this one here. Kaito’s generally more about people putting their pasts behind them and looking to the future, after all.

Kaito: “Detectives need stamina too, right?”

Well, they do if they’re going to be having cases that involve things like capturing alligators, apparently. (Man, Shuichi should tell Kaito about that case. He’d enjoy a story like that, no doubt.)

Principles and advice

Some of these hangouts lead to Kaito showing his delightful principles about keeping a positive outlook on things. (This is partly because quite a few of the obvious-bad-hangout-partner options involve Shuichi grumpily complaining for no good reason, which Kaito would obviously take issue with.)

[A/V Room]

- Watch a comedy movie

Kaito: “Movies like this are great for turning your mood around. When you’re down, all you gotta do is let out a laugh and everything’s good!”

It’s interesting that Kaito apparently likes comedy movies not exactly for their own sake, but rather because they’re good for cheering you up. What Kaito has just implied here (definitely without having meant to) is that he can in fact feel down sometimes and has found that things like this work for pulling him out of it.

Kaito: “If you’re down all the time, then your dreams might get away from you!”

After all, you shouldn’t just wallow in your sadness when you could be doing whatever you can to stay positive!

[Gym]

- “Let’s train… our minds…”

Kaito: “Yeah! It’s got nothing to do with exercising, but your mind’s important!”

Of course Kaito thinks this! Although, what does he mean it’s got nothing to do with exercising? The whole point of him getting his sidekicks to exercise is to help with their mental health!

Kaito: “If you can’t visualize your goals, you’ll never be able to achieve them.”

If you can’t believe the impossible is possible, you’ll never be able to make it so!

Kaito: “That’s just what I’d expect from my sidekick! You get what’s important!”

Aww, he’s so happy that his sidekick already understands the type of mindset he likes to advocate.

(Fun irrelevant fact: I had Kaito use the sentence “You get what’s important!” in a piece of extremely silly Kaito content on my main blog just because it sounded like the kind of thing he might say, while not remembering at the time that he says that exact sentence in the actual game. I was quite amused when I saw this line again.)

[A/V Room]

- “I might fall asleep…”

Kaito: “Well, sure. If you grab some boring movie or something. But if you decide that’s gonna happen from the start, then it probably will. If you always expect the worst, then you’ll always get the worst!”

Kaito’s philosophy is just so good. He always encourages people to try and have a positive outlook, not just because it’ll help them feel better, but because it actually matters to what they’ll be able to achieve. You have to believe the impossible is possible before you’ll ever be able to make it so!

[Library]

- “This is boring…”

(This is another one that doesn’t make any sense for Shuichi to say. He likes novels; he would not be bored in a library.)

Kaito: “Really? There are so many books here, there’s gotta be some that interest you. Before you start complaining, try looking around a bit more.”

Don’t just pointlessly complain when there’s something you could be doing to make things better! Don’t give up before you’ve even tried!

[Library]

- “Sure is dusty in here”

Kaito: “Yeah, but instead of complaining, you should do something about it. If you’re gonna be my sidekick, then you gotta know that much.”

I like that this one isn’t just Kaito’s don’t-complain principle, but is also him asserting that any sidekick of his should already know about this principle of his and be trying to follow that advice. People only become Kaito’s sidekicks once they’ve made the choice to try and change themselves and make their situation better, after all. His principles about not complaining when you could be doing something are basically the same idea as that.

[Gym]

- “I’m tired…”

Kaito: “Huh? You haven’t even done anything yet. If you keep talking like that, I won’t hold back, even if you are my sidekick!”

This is presumably more of Kaito’s don’t-complain principle going on here, except this time he’s not even mentioning the principle itself and is just assuming his sidekick should know better and being annoyed that he’s still complaining anyway.

I should note, though, that if Shuichi complained about being tired in a different context, Kaito would definitely take it very differently and see it as a sign that something’s wrong with him and offer help like always. But in this context, in which Shuichi has just invited him to hang out in the gym and then immediately gone “oh but I’m tired” before they’ve even done anything, it does just come across like he’s being lazy and flaky and doesn’t actually want to exercise, in which case why even come here if you’re only going to complain?

Somewhat relevant to this is Kaito’s stock dialogue when a hangout has the worst possible outcome, which the above hangout is one example of.

[Worst outcome]

Kaito: “C’mon, man… Don’t go forgetting a sidekick’s responsibilities. I’m heading back…”

He expected his sidekick to know better than to change his mind and complain for no reason like this! A sidekick doesn’t have nearly as many responsibilities as the hero does, but Kaito does expect them to understand some of the most frequent advice he gives and be making at least an effort to follow it. To be his sidekick, they’ve got to be trying to change.

There are literally only four hangouts that have a “worst” outcome for Kaito, so it’s really not often at all that Kaito gives this response that implies that he’s disappointed in Shuichi like this. One of the others is the one from the manliness section where Shuichi wanted to go back inside as soon as they’d gone to the courtyard, which is a similar thing of changing his mind and complaining about the decision he literally just made – the kind of thing that Kaito already expected his sidekick to know better than to do.

(Another of the worst outcomes was Shuichi suggesting a horror movie – that one’s not at all Shuichi’s fault and has nothing to do with Kaito’s principles, but I can understand Kaito getting upset enough about it that he somewhat forgets himself in his reaction to it. The fourth one is one that’s coming up later.)

Heroes and sidekicks

My favourite category! Time for some hangouts that hint at Kaito’s issues about heroes and sidekicks, either in a general sense or specifically in regards to his relationship with Shuichi.

First, though, Kaito’s response when a hangout has only a bad-but-not-worst outcome is relevant to this topic as well. As I mentioned, the worst outcome is very rare – most of the time, if he doesn’t have a good time, he’ll just say this:

[Bad outcome]

Kaito: “Are you tired or something? If you’re not feeling well, just rest. My sidekick’s fatigue is my fatigue. I’m… gonna head back first.”

Obviously, it’s not that the hangout made Kaito feel bad or anything. It’s just that apparently Shuichi looks tired, and Kaito’s looking out for his sidekick by suggesting he should go back and rest! And then it’s totally just a coincidence that Kaito heads back first.

(“I’ve projected my own fatigue onto you in order to hide the fact that I’m the one feeling tired” sure is one way for the phrase “my sidekick’s fatigue is my fatigue” to technically be true.)

On some level this could be Kaito trying to hide the fact that Shuichi showed him a bad time so as to not make Shuichi feel guilty for being a bad host – after all, it’s only very rarely that he gives the worst-outcome dialogue that makes it seem like Shuichi did anything wrong. I feel like if that was the only issue, though, Kaito would be more open about it and just say something like “I didn’t have a great time, but hey, it’s not your fault, don’t worry about it, I’m still up for hanging out with you again”. But that would still be Kaito all but admitting that something actually made him feel down at all. Which is obviously not a thing that ever happens to Kaito, right?

[A/V Room]

- Watch an action movie

Kaito: “Action movies are fun cuz you don’t have to think too hard to enjoy them.”

…Because they tend to just have the heroes winning by saving the day in cool ways and being uncomplicatedly awesome?

It is such a delightfully relevant detail that Kaito prefers his fiction simple. If he appreciated more nuanced fiction, if his favourite kinds of stories were instead the ones where the hero’s character is more of a focus and you watch him go through hardships and struggle and grow and still manage to be a hero in the end anyway, then things in canon would have been very, very different.

Kaito: “And there’s a bunch of ‘em that use the universe as their stage!”

Of course, this is an even better reason to like action movies: because SPACE.

(The writers could so easily have had this hangout be nothing but Kaito taking the excuse to talk about space movies, and nothing would have seemed amiss. But they put that first comment he made in there too. I love Kaito’s writers so much.)

Kaito: “Alright! I’m gonna tell you all about my favorites! You ready to take notes!?”

And then… they don’t even watch any space action movies, it just turns into Kaito excitedly telling Shuichi all about his favourite ones. What a dork.

(At least, if Shuichi really did take notes, he can use that list when they’re living a normal life on the outside and he suggests a space movie marathon with Kaito on the 31st of October for no particular reason.)

[Library]

- “Let’s read manga

Kaito: “Adventure manga are the best! They’ve got so much passion in them!”

Heh, of course Kaito’s favourite genre of manga would be that.

Kaito: “You should read all the famous adventure manga, Shuichi! Since we’re pals, it’d be great to read through some together.”

And then it’s cute that he wants to bring Shuichi into this thing he’s interested in, too! Shuichi does like novels, so while maybe he doesn’t usually read much manga, he should still be able to enjoy them! It makes me happy to think of them doing regular kinda-nerdy friend things together like this. Kaito even referred to them as “pals” and not “hero and sidekick”, which is very rare for him!

(I’m imagining, as they read through one of Kaito’s favourite manga, that Shuichi with his more nuanced appreciation of fiction comments that the hero isn’t very interesting because he keeps winning too easily without much effort. And Kaito is internally all “???????? He seems like a perfectly good hero to me??? Why does Shuichi think he’s supposed to be struggling?”)

[Dining Hall]

- “Let’s cook something”

Kaito: “Oh? You can cook, Shuichi? That means I can cook too! My sidekick’s skills are my skills, and my skills are my sidekick’s skills!”

Uhhhh Kaito that’s not how this works. “Your X is my X, my X is your X” definitely does not apply to this. Does that also mean that Shuichi can speak fluent English and Russian and pilot a spaceship?

Being happy that your friend can cook because then you can enjoy his food whenever he feels up to making something is one thing, but this is not quite how you express that, you dork.

(Ask him to teach you, Kaito! It’d be a fun thing to learn, just like how to build a crossbow!)

[Dining Hall]

- “Let’s drink something”

Kaito: “H-How did you know I was thirsty? Insight like that is just what I’d expect from the Ultimate Detective.”

Really? Because insight about the way someone’s feeling is really more the kind of thing that one would expect from you, Kaito.

Kaito: “Or maybe… it was your sidekick powers that tipped you off! If that’s the case, then I’m proud to have such a great sidekick!”

What does “sidekick powers” even mean? …Perhaps it’s Kaito-speak for Shuichi being such a great friend that he can pick up on his friend’s needs. But even if that’s what he means, Kaito has to word it in a way that’s about Shuichi being his sidekick, because he very rarely actually refers to Shuichi as his “friend”.

…The third and by far most likely option, of course, is that it’s pure dumb luck and Shuichi just happened to want a drink himself without realising Kaito did too. But Kaito has to go and make this about the sidekick thing and use it as an excuse to shower praise onto Shuichi like the encouraging hero he is. He’s such a dork.

[Gym]

- “I’ll be the referee”

Kaito: “Huh? If you’re the referee, does that mean I’ll just be exercising by myself?”

Saying you’ll be the referee is probably supposed to be interpreted as the lazy way out of having to do any exercise yourself. But somehow Kaito doesn’t take it that way and admonish Shuichi for not wanting to train.

Kaito: “Haha! So the sidekick wants to see the hero’s full potential? Then why didn’t you say so!? I’ll show you everything I got!”

Because he takes it this way instead. Obviously Shuichi wants to see how awesome the hero is! Being the most awesome so that he can set an example and inspire his sidekicks to try and reach his heights is exactly what a hero is supposed to do!

I love the “why didn’t you say so?”, implying that this really is not at all why Shuichi suggested this, yet Kaito is automatically assuming it is because that’s definitely how heroes and sidekicks work.

[Dining Hall]

- “Let’s have some tea”

Kaito: “Yeah, let’s grab some tea and have a heart-to-heart.”

Yes, this is totally going to be a two-directional outpouring of emotions and issues here.

Kaito: “Don’t you keep any secrets from me! Sidekicks and heroes shouldn’t have secrets between them, y’know?”

Oh, Kaito, you wonderful hypocrite.

It is a little surprising that he’s so adamant that Shuichi shouldn’t be keeping anything at all from him, since he advocated during trial 3 that people are always going to have some secrets and that doesn’t mean they’re keeping them out of malice. But I suppose since Shuichi is his sidekick, the whole point is that Shuichi is supposed to trust him with anything and everything, and if there was something Shuichi wasn’t willing to talk to him about, it’d mean Kaito’s not being a good enough hero.

And obviously, as the hero, Kaito definitely also trusts Shuichi with everything that’s going on in his head, right? Definitely.

[Library]

- “I want to scream really loud!”

Kaito: “Huh? That’s not like you, Shuichi. You’re not the type to be rude like that. You don’t gotta force yourself, y’know?”

Pfft, look at Kaito pointing out for us that this is one of the out-of-character options for Shuichi. It’s kind of a shame that he doesn’t take this further like he does for some others that we’re about to see.

[Dining Hall]

- “Let’s try fasting”

Kaito: “What!? If you do that, you’ll die for sure!”

…I feel like this might be an odd translation thing, because fasting is obviously not something that kills people. Kaito is open to other cultures enough that he should perfectly well know this.

Kaito: “Do you have a fever? Don’t push yourself, alright?”

Yeah, if you’re sick, you shouldn’t push yourself, Kaito.

(…It’s not clear whether or not Kaito actually has the virus in this AU, because that would depend on whether Team Danganronpa changed their minds about doing the killing game before or after infecting him with it. But even if he does, his symptoms wouldn’t quite get far enough along for him to realise he’s dying within the ten days this takes place. And since he’s going to get out of here in ten days, that’s plenty of time to get himself to a hospital once he’s outside, so he’d be fine.)

Kaito: “If you’re not feeling well, it’s because of my poor management.”

It is very Kaito that he turns this into assuming something must be wrong if Shuichi is inexplicably suggesting something like this, and so he starts worrying about him. It’s also very painfully Kaito that he’s blaming himself for it – he considers himself thoroughly responsible for his sidekicks’ wellbeing, and so if something’s wrong, it must be his fault somehow for not being a good enough hero, right?

[Gym]

- “Let’s burn this place to the ground”

Another “what the hell, Shuichi?” option. But this one Kaito takes quite seriously.

Kaito: “What? Hey, c’mon, that’s not you, man. What’s wrong?”

Which is to say, he immediately takes it as a sign that something wrong with Shuichi, because Kaito is good and always concerned about his sidekick’s wellbeing. If Shuichi actually did ever suggest this, it probably would be because he’s very upset about something.

Kaito: “If something’s wrong, all you gotta do is talk to me about it. If it’s something you won’t talk to me about, then there’s nothing I can do…”

And I love that this then turns into Kaito being really worried that there might be a problem that Shuichi won’t talk to him about, which would mean he’d be powerless to fix it. He can’t bear the idea of not being able to help, especially not when it’s his sidekick, whom he’s always supposed to be able to help.

(It’s almost like someone not talking about their issues and therefore being impossible to help is precisely the problem with you, Kaito! But of course that’s not an analogous problem, Kaito’s the hero so he’s not supposed to need help, what are you talking about.)

Unfortunately, since this is a “what the hell, Shuichi” option, and since Shuichi gets no further lines in these, there’s not really anything that’s actually wrong with him and so we can’t further explore this idea of Kaito feeling like he’s unable to help his sidekick. It’s just a fun look at how the possibility of being powerless like that is something he’s really scared of.

(The wiki says this option is a worst outcome, which would be an extra sign of just how awful Kaito feels about this… but the wiki is wrong and this is actually only a bad outcome. The worst outcome dialogue, about Shuichi forgetting “a sidekick’s responsibilities”, could sort of work here – one of his sidekick’s responsibilities is to tell him whenever something’s wrong, isn’t it? But on the other hand, this hangout lingers on the note of Kaito feeling helpless to support Shuichi, which is not a state of mind in which he would want to blame Shuichi for anything. Meanwhile, the “you’re totally the one feeling tired, right, and there’s nothing at all wrong with me” bad-outcome dialogue is perfect for this situation. So maybe this is why this is nominally only a “bad” outcome even though it would definitely be making Kaito feel more awful than any of the “worst” ones do. I am totally not overthinking this.)

[Courtyard]

- “I want to get outside as soon as I can”

Kaito: “Well, that’s obvious. What’s really on your mind, man? If there’s something you’re worried about, just talk to me.”

Here’s some more Kaito delightfully deciding that Shuichi must clearly have a different problem to this that’s what he really wants to talk about. Perhaps the reason he decides that is because the problem of getting out of here isn’t something Kaito can actually help with other than being positive about it, so he wants to turn the conversation onto something he can help with.

Kaito: “Your worry is my worry! My worry is your worry!”

Hee. He only says this once in canon, but I love that it’s here again. It is still so delightfully hypocritical.

Kaito: “If I can ease your worries, mine will be eased too!”

This is extremely true and accurate, though. A lot more literally so than it would be for most friends who support each other, because almost all of Kaito’s own worries revolve around whether he’s able to help Shuichi with his. The best way for Kaito to feel better really is for him to know that Shuichi is okay and that he helped Shuichi be okay. The counterpoint to this, of course, is that if Kaito feels like he can’t ease Shuichi’s worries, then his own will only get worse.

In fact, this basically proves that when Kaito says “My worry is your worry,” he really is just thinking of it as another way of wording “Your worry is my worry”. He’s saying that what he worries about the most is how to help with whatever’s bothering Shuichi. That line is not and never was Kaito trying to actually claim that he’d be happy to share if he had problems of his own.

And even when Kaito does have worries entirely of his own, like when he’s dying in canon, the feeling of being able to support Shuichi means so much to him that it at least manages to distract him from his own worries and therefore sort of ease them in a sense. Though what that really ends up doing is making Kaito increasingly convinced that his own worries are insignificant next to Shuichi’s, which is incredibly not healthy and part of the reason he died.

Being stuck here

And finally, to finish off this post, a few of the hangouts actually reference the vague semblance of a “story” we’ve got going on by mentioning the fact that they’re trapped in here.

[Gym]

- “Let’s renovate the place”

Kaito: “What, you wanna make this place more comfortable or something? What if you start liking it here? Weren’t we gonna work together and escape this academy?”

It’s neat how Kaito makes this about escaping and warns Shuichi not to get too attached to this place.

I guess by “work together” to escape, given the context, Kaito’s specifically talking about how they’re working towards escaping by hanging out and becoming close enough friends with each other? (let’s keep pretending Monokuma mentioned platonic relationships at all, shush)

[Courtyard]

- “I’ve gotten used to being here”

Kaito: “Yeah, me too. But that doesn’t change the fact that I wanna escape!”

Despite the previous one that had Kaito asserting it’d be bad for Shuichi to get used to being here, in this one he’s willing to acknowledge that he’s done that too, even though he doesn’t like it.

Kaito: “Life is short! I don’t have time to waste loafing around here.”

did you know Kaito’s parents died

Kaito: “Don’t get complacent! If you start to enjoy a place like this, then you’ll never find new horizons!”

Here’s more of Kaito just having a generally Good outlook on life. People shouldn’t be telling themselves they’re okay with a situation that isn’t what they really want (just like Maki was doing before she met him), because then they’ll get stuck in that rut and never be able to get themselves out of it! And so, even though he is finding himself getting used to this place, Kaito’s determined not to let that stop him from wanting to move on and not look back once they get out of here.

[Courtyard]

- “What a great view…”

Kaito: “Really? I don’t think so. I mean, I’m the guy who’s gonna fly off into the universe. I can’t be content with a view like this. I gotta see bigger and better things!”

I’m going to assume this is meant as basically an extension of the idea that Kaito doesn’t want them to get used to being stuck here and not try to escape; the view from the Academy isn’t anything particularly special, after all. Because it’d be sad if Kaito wasn’t able to let himself enjoy some of the prettier views on Earth just because they’re not space. You can still enjoy a thing even if you know there’s an even better thing out there! Kaito is definitely the kind of person who should be able to understand that. There’s nothing unnecessary in this world!

(but also have I mentioned how very important it is that the rocket had a window)

[Courtyard]

- “Staying here forever wouldn’t be so bad”

Kaito: “Huh!? What the hell are you talking about!? No way we’re staying here forever! Even if you are my sidekick, I won’t let you off the hook for saying that!”

This one reads to me less like Kaito’s trying to encourage Shuichi to be less defeatist and more like Kaito is angry on his own behalf. It’s almost as if Shuichi is trying to tell him to give up on getting out of here. Hey, Kaito, what’s so great about space anyway? Maybe you should just never go there after all.

(This is the last of the rare absolute worst outcomes. Kaito does not approve of having this idea suggested to him, and his sidekick should obviously have known better than to try and make him be okay with giving up like this.)

And while you might think Kaito is so optimistic that the thought of staying here forever would never have even occurred to him, it is a thought that’s been plaguing him, even though he’d never admit it out loud. More on that next time when we reach the main event here.

#danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #ndrv3 #bonus content #salmon team #commentary

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bogprincess-kira · 4 years ago

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For the ship asks: 1,3, and 9 for Jen and Kira?

Can’t go wrong with the classics! This’ll be pretty simple, though, bc they’re not high up on my list of favorite pairs. Great match for the story’s sake, and I love how they’re portrayed together in Power (even if the lore and writing gets pretty messy), I just tend to get more invested in other dynamics

1. Where in Thra would their ideal date be?

I want to say, Jen would have a lot of fun exploring the Dark Wood surrounding Ydra and company’s Orchard once the Garthim are no longer a threat lurking around every corner. It’d still be frightening at first, as he’s not used to having that much freedom, but Kira’s a great guide and would make sure he knows he’s safe while they’re out on their own. Meanwhile, I think Kira would enjoy sight-seeing on the Black River, and collecting interesting bits of rubble they find along the way; as the most reliable means of transport in the direct aftermath of the war, most of it has been re-mapped a few times in the last few trine, but there’s usually not enough time to stop by and investigate landmarks, much less try to piece together what they might’ve been before the raids.

All-in-all, they don’t have one specific place they always come back to. They just wander around for anywhere from a few days to an unum at a time, setting up camp wherever the wild leads them.

3. Who kissed who first?

Kira. No doubt. Neither of them know much about what romantic relationships are “supposed to” look like between Gelfling, but while Jen grew up around Mystics, who hardly ever talked about it and likely would’ve kept anything of the sort hidden behind closed doors, Kira was raised by Podlings, who accept it as just another part of life.

Pre-war Gelfling might’ve seen a similar connotation to dreamfasting in a few very specific contexts, but Kira has no way of knowing about all the intricacies of when it’s “normal” or platonic or familial or whatever. She never needed to worry about that before. If she wants to express herself, she’s going to have to skip past the nonsense and get to the point. She hasn’t had an official long-term partner before, but that doesn’t mean the Podlings didn’t at least educate her in how basic biology and attraction work; as long as she knows Jen’s okay with her acting mushy sometimes, she’s not afraid of showing affection.

9. Who is the big spoon/little spoon?

I think they’d both face each other when cuddling, because they can talk or dreamfast more easily that way. Jen is taller, but Kira is a lot more protective and usually ends up with her head higher than Jen’s, so in that sense, I guess she could technically be the big spoon. On the rare occasion Jen sleeps with his back to Kira, she’ll usually braid his hair until she drifts off, too. He taught her how to braid shortly after returning home to the Orchard from the Restoration, just like the Mystics taught him, and now she does it all the time - with her hair, with Jen’s hair, with the Podlings’ hair, with her Fizzgig’s fur, even with Landstriders’ manes.

It’s a good way to keep her hands busy when she’s anxious... And, after living her entire life up to that point under the looming shadow of death by big, evil crabs, it’s hard not to get anxious a lot. Especially around Jen, as she worries that he’s not as prepared to protect himself under pressure as she is. Everyone in the Orchard is intimately familiar with the fact that even the fiercest warrior can fall, and it may only take a single misstep.

#ask meme #bog answers

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arosnowflake · 5 years ago

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About arospec headcannon thing anyone from FMA of your choice and a character from a series/book that you have enjoying latelly!

“character from a series/book that you have enjoying latelly” bold of you to assume I’ve had the attention span to be reading anything anon. the only thing I’ve been reading lately is ‘The Bacchae and Other Works’, demonstrating that I can, in fact, be a smart literary reader every once in a while, but the only play I’ve finished is Ion, and like… sure Athena is aro, but I also feel like headcanoning a greek god as aro is kinda cheating, but in the spirit of ancient greek myths, I’ll be doing my fave aro headcanon, Percy Jackson. He’s going under the cut though, because Ed’s turned out… long. Sorry about that.

Anyway, from FMA, I’m (predicatably) picking Edward Elric, because I can’t and won’t stop:

What arospec identities do they have? (Can be as specific or vague as desired)

I generally headcanon Ed as nebularomantic, though I also really really like the headcanon of him having my exact aro experience because honestly, I like projecting onto him. But I usually go with nebularomantic because I feel like the headcanon possibilities for that are more interesting, so I’ll go with that in this post.

(Or arovague, a little more, maybe? He’s nebularomantic in the sense that a) alexithymia makes figuring out whether he’s feeling platonic or romantic attraction pretty much impossible, and b) he feels like he doesn’t really fit into society’s ideas of romance due to it heavily being tied up into neurotypical standards, and finds the concept of romantic relationships/romantic attraction somewhat inaccessible to him as a result. So he’s kind of a mix between nebularomantic, quoiromantic with the ‘disidentifies with the concept of romantic attraction’ definition, and arovague, I guess, but I think he’d just use nebularomantic because it’s easier and it still encompasses his experiences very well.)

How proud of being arospec are they?

Pretty proud, if only because he knows it pisses people off and he loves doing that. He’s not dropping it into every conversation ever, but he definitely has a couple pins and shows up at pride with the flag painted on his cheeks.

Do they prioritize their arospec identity over any others?

I’d say that on the Minority Identity tier, it’s probably his least important identity to him, definitely after autistic/ADHD (kind of the same thing to him) and nonbinary. It’s still pretty important to him, though. Maybe the only thing he prioritizes it over might be his amputee status, mostly because, since he grew up with a bunch of automail engineers and later living in Rush Valley with Paninya and Winry for a long while, amputees have kinda become the norm for him. However, I can also see that, due to the Circumstances surrounding the loss of his limbs, he might prioritize his physical disability anyway, because he’s had to learn to take pride in it, whereas for the nebularomanticism, that came pretty naturally.

Are they out? If so, how did they come out, and to whom?

He’s out to pretty much everyone, although the only people he actually sat down and had a conversation with were Winry, Paninya, and Al. Winry because she helped him figure out he wasn’t allo (even if he couldn’t pin down his specific aro identity), and Paninya because he brought it up when he proposed starting a qpr to sort of close a sort of ‘qpr’ triad between him, Winry, and Paninya. Al also knows because Ed talked his feelings over with him when he was still questioning, and then Mei found the identity ‘nebularomantic’ and told Al, who told Ed, and that’s how Ed figured out his identity.

How do they feel about romance? Romance-favorable? Romance-neutral? Romance-repulsed? Or does it fluctuate?

Romance-neutral, largely. I mean, he’s married, so that counts as romance-favourable probably, but honestly? He’s mostly neutral to the concept of romance because he doesn’t understand why it exists. It’s pretty much impossible for him to separate neurotypical expectations of romance and love from the concept of romantic relationships/romantic attraction in general, and this was one of the main reasons he and Winry decided to change their relationship from ‘romantic’ to ‘idk what but we’re definitely important to another/queerplatonic-ish’; he constantly felt like he was failing in romance, and Winry had a bit of trouble adjusting her expectations from a generic romantic relationship to one with Ed once they moved from a long distance relationship to a short distance one, so they felt like it was best to change the label. But that said, he’s not repulsed, and he’s not necessarily opposed to the concept of a romantic relationship, he just doesn’t really understand why that exists and has trouble living up to the neurotypical standards it generally entails.

Have they ever experienced arophobia? If so, how?

Some mild stuff, but nothing extreme. He married Winry fairly young, so that warred off all the ‘I can fix you/you need to be fixed’ and ‘you’re horrible and are going to die alone!’ flavours of arophobia, but at the same time, the fact that he married her means that a lot of people deny, ignore, and/or erase his arospec identity. Even showing up in public with an aro/nebularomantic pride flag doesn’t stop people from ignoring it. Since he’s a pretty high-profile figure, this means that it’s especially noticeable.

In addition, he’s also faced some ableist-specific arophobia in people saying that he just doesn’t understand romantic attraction because he’s autistic/ADHD, which, yeah, duh, that’s why he identifies as nebula? But people use that to deny his identity, saying that his aro identity isn’t real because it’s caused/affected by his neurodivergency, or that it must be fixed with therapy. He generally punches those people in the face and they shut up really quickly.

How do they show their arospec pride?

Like I said, he goes to pride and paints his cheeks in the nebularomantic/aromantic pride colours (one on each cheek), and he doesn’t shy away from talking about it in day-to-day life. On the rare occasion that he makes a public appearance such as an interview or as a gala attendee (mostly when he’s lost a bet to Mustang or Ling), he usually takes either a small or big flag with him (depending on the mood he’s in), just to smirk when people get awkward or try to ignore it.

Do they actively try to combat amatonormativity in their daily lives or elsewhere? If so, how?

He constantly corrects people if they call Winry his wife (yes, they’re partners, and yes, they’re married, but ‘wife’ specifically has connotations to him that he doesn’t like), constantly corrects them if they assume he’s alloro, and just generally is an obnoxious arospec fuck who’s not going to let any part of his arospec identity get erased.

Was it easy for them to label themselves arospec, or was there a long period of questioning? How many labels did they have to try before landing on the one they use now?

The questioning process took pretty long, both due to the complicated nature of his identity and alexithymia hindering the process. As I already said, it’s pretty much impossible for him to distinguish neurotypical expectations of romance from romantic attraction/relationships, but he was also aware that societal expectations =/= romantic attraction at its core, so he didn’t know if his confusion surrounding the matter was enough to make him anything but allo. Furthermore, there was the fact that alexithymia made trying to figure out whether what he was feeling was platonic or romantic pretty much impossible: he could barely figure out if he was feeling hungry, fuck if he knew he was having a squish or a crush. There was also the obvious fact that yup, he sure married Winry, and he didn’t want to divorce her because he did want to be in some kind of relationship, but he didn’t know if that was because he was feeling any kind of romantic (or platonic, for that matter) attraction, or because he simply felt at home with her, and yes he did consider that the ‘at home’ feeling might’ve been romantic, but probably not, since he also feels it with Al, but then again it was still very much different with Al, so maybe…?

Anyway, you get the point. Questioning was long and messy, and eventually came to a head when Winry basically said ‘look listen I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you promised not to keep me in the dark anymore, so spit it out’ so he did and she basically said ‘well in my expert alloromantic opinion that’s not very allo’ and he went ‘oh. shit. why didn’t I ask you earlier’ (it was because he’s the world’s smartest idiot). So they sat down and figured things out, and eventually agreed that it would be best if they ‘cancelled’ the romance aspect of their relationship for now, just to figure out what would work for them.

Also Mei was actually the one who found the term ‘nebularomantic’ way later, when she was researching arospec identities after her and Al’s relationship crashed and burned horribly (she definitely has access to a huge library of queer identities in Ling’s palace shut up), and Al heard her say the definition and he went ‘oh shit that’s my brother’, so then he called Ed and that’s how Ed came to identify as nebularomantic.

Would they be interested in a QPR? Why or why not?

He’s in a queerplatonic triad with Winry and Paninya! The relationship is actually kind of complicated, with Winry and Paninya being in a romantic relationship, Ed and Winry being in a committed relationship they’re chosing not to label at the moment, and Paninya and Ed being in the world’s most casual qpr, but the three of them call their triad ‘queerplatonic’ to simplify stuff. He probably wouldn’t necessarily search out a qpr, I think, but he very much loves people (regardless of whether or not it’s platonic or romantic or something else entirely), and he does like living with other people, so he’d probably have fallen into one naturally anyway, even if canon hadn’t played out the way it did.

Final thoughts?

If you think that I won’t headcanon someone as arospec just because they married and had kids at the end of the series then you’re so fucking mistaken.

What arospec identities do they have? (Can be as specific or vague as desired)

Percy’s demiromantic!

How proud of being arospec are they?

Very proud! If you think he ever stops making demi jokes, you are very very wrong. He goes to pride, has pins, has a flag up in his room, and generally won’t shut up about it.

Do they prioritize their arospec identity over any others?

Somewhat! He’s both demisexual and demiromantic, and he doesn’t necessarily separate those two out, but he does prioritize both of those over his demiboy identity, though that’s definitely important to him too and he’s proud of that as well (plus, he appreciates the pun material).

Are they out? If so, how did they come out, and to whom?

He’s out! After he figured it out the first thing he did was kick Annabeth’s door open and go ‘Annabeth Holy Fuck!’, so she knows. His mom and Paul know, because he actually had a Serious Coming Out conversation with them (he knew they’d take it well, but still). Everyone else at camp also knows, because he won’t shut up about it, and also like everyone at Camp Halfblood is queer as fuck, so they just kind of expected something like this sooner or later. The puns are an unwelcome surprise, though.

How do they feel about romance? Romance-favorable? Romance-neutral? Romance-repulsed? Or does it fluctuate?

None of the above, he’s very firmly romance oblivious. He’s not going to catch you flirting with him, he WILL read over romance subplots without picking up on them, he is always the last to catch on to relationships his friends have started, etc. etc. He’s romance-favourable in the sense that he’s currently in a romantic relationship with Annabeth, but honestly, I don’t think he cares enough about romance to use any of the above labels.

Have they ever experienced arophobia? If so, how?

Yeah, he’s had a bunch of assholes tell him that he’s just straight, or that he needs to use demi as a modifier, or that demiromanticism doesn’t exist, etc. etc. However, he’s been lucky enough to have a supportive family and a queer as fuck friendgroup, so it hasn’t been as bad as it could’ve been and he’s had a lot of support.

How do they show their arospec pride?

PUNS (IN THE FORM OF DEMI- JOKES). SO MANY FUCKING PUNS. NEITHER HE NOR I WILL SHUT UP ABOUT THE PUNS.

Do they actively try to combat amatonormativity in their daily lives or elsewhere? If so, how?

Sort of? He’s loudly demi, which combats amatonormativity pretty much automatically, but he’s not exactly the type to go around educating everyone about the concept of amatonormativity or anything. That’s what Annabeth is for.

Was it easy for them to label themselves arospec, or was there a long period of questioning? How many labels did they have to try before landing on the one they use now?

Honestly, he just sort of assumed that the world was playing a prank on him regarding this ‘falling in love at first sight’ thing, or in general, this ‘falling in love’ thing. He’s never had a crush on anyone before Annabeth, and was honestly halfway convinced that the concept was fake until her, but he also never really analyzed that? He just kind of… assumed that was normal. Calypso was the first real wrench in that theory, but he chalked it up to her being not human and went about his life.

Aaand then he overheard someone talking about being demi, got massively confused for a second, asked for clarification before, you know, calling a satyr, and realized ‘oh hey that’s me!’.

So all in all, the questioning process was pretty straight forward, just hampered by him being very oblivious.

Would they be interested in a QPR? Why or why not?

Hmmm, maybe? I think he’s satisfied with his romantic relationship with Annabeth, but I also don’t necessarily think he’d be opposed to one. I don’t think he’d search one out, but if someone asked, he’d probably be willing to give it a go.

Final thoughts?

This was my first ever aro headcanon and I can and WILL die on this hill.

#my posts #Anonymous #arospec headcanon #asks #edward elric #fma #percy jackson #pjo #long post

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