#specifically alfred dick and damians

[cassandracain52]

My BatFamily cooking headcanons

Good Cooks:

Alfred: is the only reason half of them eat anything at all. He is s a great cook but doesn’t tend to use much spices. Can’t make waffles to save his life but it is his only flaw

Jason: Genuinely enjoys cooking and is very good at it. Can make just about anything if given the recipe. Will often purposefully cook way too much food and claim it wasn't intentional. He then insists that everyone needs to have some because he refuses to "let it go to waste" so he doesn't have to admit he did something nice for them

Damian: First learned by occasionally helping Alfred in the kitchen. He initially didn't want to admit he liked it because he was taught it was "beneath him". His family eventually convinced him that cooking was a life skill and something everyone should know how to do and that he was allowed to enjoy it. Now he cooks whenever he can and likes experimenting with lots of different spices, occasionally to his family's dread

Decent Cooks:

Dick: He can't cook anything overly complicated but so long as he has the recipe he can usually get pretty close. Doesn't particularly enjoy cooking but he does like cooking with others. Though he usually ends up making something boxed or cereal anyways

Duke: Similarly to Dick he doesn't make anything too fancy but he's still decent in the kitchen. Doesn't cook very often but when he does he prefers to have the kitchen to himself so he has room to work

Barbara: Learned to cook out of necessity since her dad was often busy. Only cooks when there's no other option because she thinks it takes too much time. Usually will just order take out

I mean they probably won't burn the kitchen down:

Stephanie: Can cook waffles and pancakes and only those two things. Everything else either ends up burnt or raw. These are also the only things she is allowed to use the kitchen for and not without supervision

Tim: He is a rich kid who always either had someone that could cook for him or the money to buy something already made and it shows. It's lucky if he remembers to eat actual food instead of energy drinks and coffee let alone actually cook. Is banned from using the kitchen but will occasionally be allowed to stay provided he promises not to try and help

Cass: Was never taught how to cook due to her upbringing. Barbara did attempt to teach her the basics but it never really took. She usually just ends up making frozen food

Absolutely cannot ever be allowed in the kitchen:

Bruce: Has a lifelong ban. Should he attempt to so much as enter the kitchen call for Alfred immediately. He once managed to set fire to water when trying to make a child Dick Grayson Mac and Cheese and hasn't been let back in since. Anything he does manage to make is definitely not edible and probably poisonous. Do Not Eat It

[welcometogrouchland]

♫ I do what I want/Crying in the bleachers and I said it was fun/I don't need anything from anyone ♫

(ID in Alt) you guys ever think about your own posts and get upset?? Anyway Damian Wayne I love you I'm so sorry your life is like that

[sunayyyy]

Worst fandom mischaracterisation/headcanon of each bat-associated character, in my opinion (these are in no particular order) :

1. Duke Thomas is the sane, rational, "normal" one.

Have you ever read the We Are Robin arc? Duke is fucking unhinged, his introduction was him jumping off a bridge to escape cops. This is a kid whose father is immortal and is the first metahuman in the batfam. He lost his parents in the most horrendous way possible (joker venom. They're still alive, but it's horrifying) and organised a whole gang as a child. He threw down with a green lantern and 2 shot his ass. Hopefully, this headcanon is just a product of people not really knowing the character and goes away soon once people find out more about him, when he isn't just the token black guy in a fic or a background character in batfam drama.

2. Stephanie Brown is quirky and sassy, and ONLY quirky and sassy. She's over her trauma with Black Mask and Cluemaster!!

Stephanie Brown is a very interesting character, with an origin story that is very similar to jason todd. She's been through hell, yet she constantly gets infantalised by the fandom, which gets kind of ignored in favour of talking shit about how people infantilse tim (super valid and I'll come back to it later on in this post). You most commonly see this in timsteph stories where they show her as the immature first love, and how as tim grows up, he needs to date more "serious" people, as if tim wasn't the main reason their relationship never worked. This is also common in stephcass fics, although on a smaller level. Writers tend to make stephanie the bubbly outgoing girl that balances out all of cass' angst (some of those fics are really good, but they mould steph in a specific shape so she can be a prop for cass to heal). On an even smaller scale, I've seen both romantic and platonic jaysteph stories where stephanie appears as the "good" victim who let go of her animosity to black mask and cluemaster, and so now, she can help jason let go of what happened with the joker, and bruce's abuse. Obviously, this is a disservice to both of these characters, but people tend to focus on how it's more of a disservice to jason instead of steph. Let my girl express her trauma and heal, and stop using her as a prop for other characters! She wasn't just cutesy as robin, she threw the fuck down. Her introduction included hitting tim in the head with a brick!

3. Slut/himbo Dick Grayson is reductive of his abilities as a leader, and is not only offensive to real survivors of SA, but incredibly racist towards Romani people.

Do I really need to explain this one? Dick Grayson is a symbol of hope that bruce wishes batman could be. This man is a natural born leader and has stepped up to the plate multiple times, both during his time with the titans and as batman. He's charismatic and lovable and a genuinely intelligent man, but for some reason, he gets depicted as a dumbass who has to deffer to bruce or tim or babs any time he has an issue with detective work. Yes, you can delegate. Of course, you can delegate, but going straight to tim and rattling off the case you JUST accepted doesn't make sense, ESPECIALLY if you're on seperate cases and tim or bruce have to postpone their work just to solve it for you. As for the other part, Dick has been heavily implied to be demisexual, given that he only has sex with people he has genuine feelings for. He wouldn't just sleep with any random woman who compliments his ass enough. Also, having an SA victim be characterised as a slut is both reductive of their trauma and a weird way that some authors justify how he's "over it." Really doesn't help that he was slut shamed (canonically!! why is this canon??) by the rest of the titans after sleeping with mirage, who pretended to be kori. Additionally, it's really weird if the first thing you think of when you see an attractive romani man just sleeps around. People don't say that about other conventionally attractive characters, even ones who HAVE slept around. The only character i can think of that gets characterised like this is bruce, but that's an image that he cultivated to keep batman hidden.

4. Jason Todd was always doomed by the narrative. He would have died if bruce hadn't intervened. Also, pit rage.

The tragedy of jason todd was, and always has been, that he was doomed by the AUDIENCE. He wasn't just an angry, reckless child, and calling him the angry robin is stupid and reductive. Was he angry? of course he was, but so was dick, and so was damian. Using a single word to describe a person is never going to be enough. Jason was notoriously compassionate to victims, especially women and children, and sex abuse victims. He got pissed when the system he was asked to believe in was shown to be ineffective, to the point where bruce believed he killed a man over it. The kid had a bright future ahead and loved school, modt of robin!jason's shitty qualities came from bruce and alfred compartmentaling his image and shitting on him to ease their guilt over his death. Pit rage is also a cheap way to take away his autonomy, an easy pass to explain the shitty things he's done. I like it when the pit has side effects like glowing eyes or increased healing or something, but pit rage is stupid. It's either used to force characters to forgive jason since he wasn't himself or as an angst prompt for jason, another testament to how he came back wrong, or a way to have him hurt a character to further up THEIR angst (*cough* titans tower AU fics*cough*). Yes, he did shitty things. Let him do shitty things without giving him an easy out. Otherwise, your story isn't compelling at all.

5. Feral Damian Wayne is just straight-up racist, no?

I love damian. I think that, for the most part, he's been written pretty well. However, damian suffers from the fact that he's an arab character in a post 9/11 comic, and thus there is bound to be some casual racism, both in comics (like when tim assumed he was too uncivilised to know what a handshake is) and fandom. Has damian wayne done a lot of shitty things, especially to tim? Yes, absolutely. But that doesn't make him feral. He was raised by assassins as the heir to the throne and to the greatest hero in the world, raised to think that blood relations are the only ones that matter, so of course he's dismissive of tim. He's also a prince who was raised in luxury, who was born as royalty and has experienced more opulence during his birth thsn most peoole do in a lifetime, although this opulence is extremely conditional, with horrifying requirements (the story with damian having a metal spine as a child is insane). Does it make what he did to tim right? Definitely not. Does it excuse his actions? Also no. But it does explain them, it tells us where it came from. Being traumatised and having extremely high expectations of both sides of your family doesn't make you feral.

6. Tim Drake is just a small little baby who can't function without his coffee.

Let me preface this by saying that i don't like tim drake. At all. As a huge fan of the al ghuls it was a real kick in the balls having Ra's be reduced to a creepy pedophile who wanted tim as an heir, and sent a woman to rape tim in order to carry his child. Also, I hate how DC decided to prop him up by shitting on jason todd. However, this doesn't mean that I don't enjoy his YJ run and that I don't enjoy some of his comics/fics. That being said, nothing on this earth pisses me off more than tim stans. You know the ones, the people who want damian hanged, who want dick and jason and bruce to fall to their knees and beg for forgiveness. Tim has been through an insane amount of trauma, and that's understandable, but please, for the love of god, don't create more whump for tim at the cost of other characters. You can hate damian, I wouldn't blame you, but remember that he's like 10 and tim put him on a hit list. Dick never wanted to put tim in arkham, and he didn't have time to support tim when it came to an honestly insane (although ultimately correct) conclusion. Also damian as robin was alfred's idea, and damian was the one that put on the costume preemptively, dick got pissed at damian for that. When it comes to jason, I'd say it's complicated. While titans tower was fucked up, it wasn't as bad as people made it out to be. My first introduction to the fandom was through jason todd since he was my favourite robin, and then i learned they brought him back to life when i played injustice. The number of fics and posts that mention that jason went to the tower specifically to kill tim is insane. When i got into comics, it was like whiplash; it wasn't a one-sided beatdown, tim was conscious until the end, the goofy ass robin suit jason had on, jason never slitting tim's throat (that happens in hush, and even then i don't think he really slit his throat, since the art shows that the skin was kinda nicked), all of that was wild to me. BftC is one of the shittiest comjc book runs when it comes to characterisation in general, and I've already discussed dick and tim, so it's only fair to talk about jason and tim. There's no justification here, honestly, other than shitty writing i guess. The other side of the coin is enemies to caretaker jason and tim, which is so fucking wild?? they're like 2 years apart, and tim is extremely competent, he wouldn't pass out mid patrol because he forgot his coffee.

7. Bruce Wayne doesn't believe people can change and doesn't care about Crime Alley.

For the first one, please fucking read a single comic book. Just one. Better yet, maybe research why batman doesn't kill. You know, the most popular thing about him? As for the second, it's mostly just a way to show how jason is better than bruce and how he's right to take over the alley since no one cares about it. Now I LOVE jason todd. He's my favourite comic book character of all time tied with gambit and Dr. Strange. But I hate it when you create angst or comeuppance by blatantly ignoring the chatacter and their motives. Bruce became batman so that what happened to his parents can never happen again, and this includes helping the poor people in crime alley either through patrolling there or by setting up countless charities to improve life there. You can make the case that batman avoided crime alley after jason died. It's not canon, but it would make sense. However, I dont see him ever giving up on the alley, both to prevent what happened to his parents, and to help people like his dead son. I fucking hate bruce, he's done a lot of shitty things, but making shit up just to make him worse is getting old.

8. Misc

There aren't really enough mischaracterisations about cass and babs to warrant separate paragraphs, so I'll just reiterate the infantalisation of cass and babs having no qualities outside of oracle, master hacker, and dick grayson's on and off lover.

[ravenlilyrose]

Slightly cryptid Batman idea:

(Not familiar enough with costume evolutions to know how canonical this is, but if DC can mess with the timeline as much as they did with the New52, I can tweak costumes.)

Anyway, Batman here is still human (mostly) but Gotham got to him and now he’s a little… feral? Inhuman? Weird?

Bruce was a rich only child so he’s always been a little possessive, but he was also raised by Alfred, so he doesn’t show it a whole lot and it’s not very bad.

Until Gotham gets to him.

And with most things he’s the same as he’s ever been. But with his Robins? His birds? His babies? That man is now some kind of weird mix of dragon and cat and bear.

They are his and he loves them so so so so so so much, even if he would never use those words. Something deep inside him kinda wants to just gather them all into his cave and never let them out of his sight, but he knows they’d all hate that and he values their agency, so he doesn’t do that.

Instead, he makes sure that everyone knows they’re his.

As many of them as he can convince have a huge bat emblem across their chests. Robin has little bats at the hem of his cape and at his collar. All of their boots have little bat symbols on the sides. Their dominos get more and more overtly bat themed.

Every time he sees one of them with his symbol on them, something in his chest purrs. And if their wearing it in their civilian clothes? That’s even better. (Tim has a huge oversized Batman hoodie that Jason will deny until he’s blue in the face was originally his; Cass has a few sets of bat hair clips; Dick has a pair of yoga pants that are covered in garishly colored bat symbols)

He won’t trap them, he won’t control them, but he’ll mark them as his until they stop him, which none of them seem inclined to do. (A couple of them find it a little weird, but this is so much better than anything else he could be doing that they just go with it. Those whose slightly-feral-cryptid tendencies align most with Bruce’s find that it makes them feel incredibly loved.)

And that’s the story of how the bat kids all ended up covered in bats. And how the main result of Bruce becoming vaguely-a-cryptid is that his kids are covered in bats.

[fakakta-art]

Happy Hanukkah! My gift to you- some quick lil doodles of the batfam celebrating!

[undertheredhood]

it doesn’t matter who bruce wayne ends up with because at least one member of his family will have a problem with the person he’s dating.

[robintherobiner]

i have to resist the urge to make all my favourite characters trans just because I am.

Nope didn't work, anyways here's my gender hc for the batfam in my all queer au

Alfred: trans (ftm), named himself after his father

Bruce: demiboy (amab), uses Batman to indulge in the demi part of him if that makes sense

Dick: trans (mtf), named herself Fanny because she had to keep up the joke

Jason: genderfluid, either named herself Jane or CJ (Catherine Junior) for fem days

Tim: ??? (ftm. but the m is questionable. might be ftnb. no one knows.) His birthname is Timberly but they shortens it to Tim. he also forgets he's trans and so they accidentally stealth and then he goes to have a shower and gets jumpscared.

Damian: nonbinary (amab), they're the type of person to never come out and then gets annoyed when no one uses the right pronouns because they forget that not everyone can read eachothers minds

Cass: idk if there's a word for it but she uses she/it pronouns. i think growing up being treated like a weapon would effect the way she sees herself, but when she has a choice, she decides she likes it

Steph: agender (afab) peak genderlessness. uses she/her out of habit, but if she sat down and thought about it a bit more, she'd probably use she/it

Babs: trans (mtf) used a babybook to chose her name and didn't realise she'd chosen the name of her dads ex-wife until he blinked when she came out.

Duke: nonbinary (amab) uses he/she pronouns. I think he could technically be referred as dual gender or something but she prefers the label nonbinary

[goatsghost]

batman (2016) #19

mmmm not a fan of how it implies that only damian is bruce’s son here. bane used dick, jason, and damian to send bruce a message, but bruce only seems to care that his “blood son” was hanged. in 2016. when damian even admitted he’s moved on from thinking being blood is superior.

was it really so hard to add an “S” to “son”? it would’ve been so much more impactful, too. that all three of his sons (at the moment) were being targeted by a man he isn’t sure he can beat. it feels like bane thinks higher of dick and jason than bruce does.

[yuleshootureye]

I love that they brought Hal into Wayne Family Adventures just so that Bruce could troll him

[reineydraws]

(img)

okay so steph and tim won but i was also presented with some other interesting choices and i missed an obvious pairing so i thought id just ask again to be sure lol

[miraculousbatofold]

Headcanon accepted! I love this idea! Especially following the idea that Tim became Robin to keep Batman in check and Tim is used to ignoring his parental figures for what he wants. However, Tim does not usually have a grandparent figure to disobey and Alfred is filling this new role that Tim can’t figure out how to not follow. Tim Drake’s authority issues follow all parental figures but grandfatherly ‘let me hear about how you are’ Alfred is a totally different ball game. RIP to the other Robins but Tim does not fear Bruce, Bruce fears Tim

Headcanon that Tim is the only one of the kids who has successfully full-named Bruce. He does it whenever Bruce is being particularly neglectful about his health. It drives Bruce mad because he is the adult in their relationship, but when he full-names Tim, the boy just stares back at him with the most unimpressed look on his face.

Dick, Jason and Damian are all dumbstruck by it, 1) because Bruce actually listens, and 2) they get full-name by dad and it activates they fight or flight response.

On the other hand, if Alfred full-names Tim, he knows he is in deep shit.

[welcometogrouchland]

Thought about Damian and Dick's dynamic for too long and now I need to level a city block

[erinwantstowrite]

Halloween AU!!!

hey so. i put SOOOOO much effort into this au and for what? at least it ended up looking cool? anyways Halloween is my favorite holiday and i just HAD to make something for them!

i had a LOT of ideas for what everyone would be, but i really wanted to stick to a certain theme cause it's based around Halloween. i knew i had to have a vampire, werewolf, and a witch. cause like... obviously. iconic Halloween stuff!! but i took some liberties with everyone else and i think they turned out pretty cool!!

Jason was originally a fox shifter (which i still love and might draw art for some day) but i went with a bear in the end. is that because i thought about tiny bear cub Jaybin and wanted to cry? yeah. yeah it is. i KNEW Steph was going to be my werewolf though i started doubting myself when i went to draw her. turned out to be my favorite drawing on here which makes sense cause she is my light my love my daughter my will to live and all that jazz

Tim was actually gonna be a harpy but thank god i didn't go for that in the end. Duke was the one that was a bitch and a half trying to figure out BUT!! comments on the post asking what y'all thought led me towards Psychic so THANK YOUUUU everybody that commented!! (specifically those who thought of ghost!! Duke and Tim ended up being a perfect duo in this au)

Babs was pretty easy to figure out what I wanted for her. I read somewhere that they are seen as protectors of forests/ are considered spiritual authority figures and also.... she looks cool as fuck. Did not expect how easy it was to find a ref for a deer in a wheelchair though? I can never find the right hand or face angle reference but that was super easy???

For Bruce there was literally no question he HAD to be human. it's literally so funny that everyone who knows Batman thinks he's a spooky vampire but he's human. his first son, however?????? THAT'S the vampire. I knew Dick had to be a vampire too. A little nod towards that one comic run but in my au nothing bad happens ever 🥰 Damian also being a bat shifter is very on purpose because how funny is it that he's a bat man. Literally not a single person in the League thinks that Bruce is telling the truth about being human. Bruce you are NOT beating the secretly a vampire allegations.

adding in Jay's hilarious joke it's so fucking funny:

Alfred is actually a demon. I CAN NOT remember who made this post so if someone can help me find it, it would be appreciated!! because this was inspired by them!!! but somewhere i saw someone talk about Alfred being a demon that Thomas and Martha made a deal with (i think it was for an au idea?) and I just HAD to put it here. Alfred looks so human and everyone expects it, but he's definitely not. I put the ??? because it's so fucking funny. see if you can spot the 1 hint i put on his drawing that something is amiss!!

Peter is from an alternate dimension still, but it is not a world of creatures like him, it's just the same as LoF canon except Peter grew some extra limbs and eyes. He finds that it's actually pretty easy to fit in with the Waynes. Hard to feel like a freak when a guy can turn into a fucking bear, or your dad is a vampire, and the teenagers in the family are trying to summon ghosts or make potions.

additional doodles for this au:

i am still debating whether i am going to draw something for this au or write a oneshot, but i DO want to do something with these for Halloween

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC Not So Artificial Intelligence

Barbara thinks it was Bruce, with his love for new additions to the Cave. Bruce thinks it was Tim, with his late hyperfixation on AI. Tim thinks it was Babs, with her ever evolving network of keeping everything under control.

They are all wrong, but the fact stays a fact: the BatCave has an AI assistant now.

It is not very good at first, not recognizing voices very well and messing up commands, but the Bats write it off as a learning curve. Besides, it never makes the same mistakes twice, and in a couple of months, even the tiniest slip ups fade away.

Its name is Betty. First, Dick named it Bat-AI (a reasonable name), then it transformed into Bat-I for easier pronunciation, and then Steph called in Betty once, and the name was sealed.

And they all love Betty. Betty is the best, keeping track of their everyday lives, reminding them of their civilian meetings and vigilante business, alerting them of any suspicious activity in the city. Oracle finally gets to sleep for more than 4 hours in a day with Betty's help. Tim gets company when he is three weeks in and elbows deep in a case - it's easier when he has an illusion of someone to discuss the matter with, and Betty even offers him insight. Damian learns to do digital art just to have a little competition with Betty. He wins, but the AI is a worthy opponent, in his opinion.

Even Bruce begrudgingly likes the AI assistant. She is competent and helpful, and Alfred seems to approve of how she doesn't let Bruce overwork himself when he escapes medbay to keep searching for answers.

That is, until one day, Tim installs speakers specifically for Betty in the Cave.

The voice that comes from them is not robotic or mechanical.

It definitely has human intonation.

"Hello, Red Robin," the voice - a male voice, actually - greets him with slight amusement. Tim feels an uneasy feeling sinking down in his stomach.

"Betty?"

"You know me as such. I would prefer it if you called me Danny. He/them pronouns."

Remind him, who installed the AI?..

---------------

Danny got trapped inside the Batcomputer somehow - I suspect Technus had a hand in it - and decided to embrace it. He used to be a vigilante himself, so why not help this whole family of vigilantes while he is at it? They look like they need a hand.

[bloopy-writes]

Just imagine everyone showing up to Damian’s elementary school graduation as he’s seething because he specifically didn’t tell them to avoid the embarrassment

(The embarrassment being Steph shouting “I know you’re better than these other kids” every five minutes, Dick crying, and Tim and Jason bringing really big signs of Damian’s face and waving them around. Duke is recording Damian’s face for blackmail purposes and Cass is recording Bruce’s face as he tries not to cry. Alfred is the only one that was actually invited.)

[bruciemilf]

AUs where Thomas and Martha come back to life are significantly funnier if you consider the possibility of them adopting Harley and Oliver.

Bruce needs to cuddle Damian like an emotional support cat while all three of his parents argue in the kitchen. Dick would join, but he’s a bit too shell shocked that his dead grandparents are, you know, standing in his kitchen.

“Okay, so wait, he didn’t finish med school?! I specifically requested it!”

“I’m sorry, have you tried wrangling your feral batch of kittens before? The only one who successfully graduated is Harley.”

Oliver throws his hands in the air while Harley preens, “I finished business school!”

Martha sighs, “So did Lex Luthor, my darling.”

“Okay, well, I’m gonna die before I become a billionaire, so there.”

“Hell yeah, that’s my girl.”

“Sadly, she was discredited once her turbulent affair with the clown started…”

Thomas guffaws. Looking at Alfred like he said the most unbelievable shit in the world.

“Harley. Dated a man. OUR Harley?”

“I was equally disappointed.”

“Okay, well, favorite in law, 1 2 3 go,”

They all say Dinah at the same time, much to Bruce’s dismay. He gets it, but Clark is very kind to him. “Papa!”

Thomas shrugs, “I’m a Virgo, not a liar.”