#special ed trauma

[paperboy-pb]

Anyway, old animation update from a few weeks back. Still not done yet, though.

For those of you who are new here, you may need some context. Please press the read more button below.

["PAPERBOY" is an indie-webcomic about an artsy little disabled boy. Unfortunately for him, the Special Education staff at his school have not unpacked nor unlearned their ableist (and sometimes, frightful!) tendencies, making his environment nothing short of corrupt. If he does not leave the class within one year, he will die.

Knowing he can't stick around, Matthew Boston does his best to "earn" the right to switch out of there... and kickstarts several shenanigans in the meantime. 🎒📝🚀🌙]

The story is (& always will be) written & drawn by a disabled artist. It is heavily inspired by my experience in an NYC Special Ed program; primarily between the years of 2008 to 2017. It takes a deep look into the trauma ableism within disability spaces can cause, how internalized ableism manifests, and the toll this can take on developing minds.

Our story is not doom and gloom. The experience does wind up prompting Matthew to connect with the disabled kids around him on a deeper level. But be warned that PB is an emotional story; one that will discuss & portray various forms of ableism, abuse, mental health issues, and more, in as much depth as I can go.

Interested? Follow the page! 🐙

[socte-blue]

Cw mention of self harm. If u read winter turning you already know but just making sure.

So many thoughts about the icewing sibling dynamics

Like, First we have hailstorm; He had been the “golden child”, he was top of the ranks, probably did great in school, had this whole grand future set up for him. But he… was a teenager. He probably had IMMENSE stress from always having to be perfect all the time. That was a kid! He wanted to be a kid! His parents were abusive and neglectful pieces of shit! And he like,,, has to take care of his siblings, too. We know tundra and Narwhal only cared about them if they were “doing something for the family” they probably where neglectful as shit to them when they were younger. Pretty much the whole responsibility of being a semi-healthy parental figure was put on hailstorm!!!! But like,, he wasn’t really supposed to be taking care of them . he probably knew that too, or at least partially. He loved his siblings, of course, but like I said; he’s a kid! He wanted to be a kid!

Then we have icicle; who had they same pressure but as hailstorm but also like … couldn’t deliver all the way he did. She probably actually had a a lot of resentment to him in some degree. But, like I said, that’s like her parental figure! She loves him! She literally self harmed to try and get him back! She had to always try and be the perfect daughter but, she never seemed to quite get there. She’s a burnt out gifted kid at its finest. She been told she has to try for the throne, like, life or death battle! She knows she’s either gonna win or she’s gonna die and she’s known that since she was like a toddler, probably. And like, she loved hailstorm, but he was simultaneously one of the reasons she could never really deliver. And then we have her other brother, who she loved too, but she like… had to be unkind to him. With how she was treated, she really believed he deserved it. That really had to drive animosity between them, even if it was normalized.

Then we have Winter, who’s the “problem child”, even though he’s barely been a problem. He been trying SO HARD, for so LONG. And he really feels like he can’t seem to get it right. especially because one of the only people who was at least vaguely positive and whom he really truly loved and looked up too, got (supposedly) murdered because of his actions. And his last main action to him, let’s not forget basically his parent and someone he actually feels happy around, insulting him into the dust. It also would be so hard, because now, he just has Icicle. Who he loves of course, but they already probably had a strained relationship and now we have all the grief of losing hailstorm, and icicle is probably blaming him too! Not to mention, he’s blaming himself! But he’s still with her, they’re siblings. That’s shown they were still there for each other in the faintest way.

[andresmounts2]

Instead of arguing about whether "gifted kids" or "special ed kids" struggled more, why don't we acknowledge the school system screwed us all over?

Schools screwed over neurotypical kids.

Schools screwed over neurodivergent kids.

Schools screwed over "gifted" kids.

Schools screwed over "special ed" kids.

Schools screwed over undiagnosed kids.

Schools screwed over "average" kids.

Schools screwed over "bad" kids.

Schools screwed us all over because the system wasn't made for ANY of us.

[tatsumi-rin]

Moral Orel doesn't seem 100% like a show I'd feel seen in if you don't know me but then I remember the episode with the special ed kids and underneath the usual satire on extremist bible belt religion it reminds me WAY too much of how actual special ed departments treated me and other kids growing up.

Like the writers must HAVE BEEN THERE IN LIFE, man. I'd kill to sit down with Dino Stamatopoulos and find out what the fuck inspired him and the other writing staff that day.

[eblu3]

I'm tellin ya special ed is where neurodivergent kids go to rot as staff prioritize forcing them to act normal and patronizing them instead of like, actually teaching them

[eden-herbart]

School Seclusion Rooms (and solitary confinement in general) should be banned as they are merely a tool of oppression to the undesirable mentally ill children that attend the schools.

I don't have the words to talk about the horrors I've experienced and witnessed but when I find them I will use them cause I will not stand for the bullshit they put us through

[orange-ghost]

paraprofessionals. [wip]

[its-murderous-business]

I firmly believe that the antagonism between former gifted kids and former SpEd kids represents a false dichotomy because both groups were failed by the same system but ALSO SpEd kids often face systematic abuse, mistreatment and harm that gifted kids do not face in the same way.

Both of these things can be true.

[dreamdropsystem]

we honestly don't understand we could rant more.. maybe a part 2 or a video with this story! - The Dreamdrop System

[queeraliensposts]

Just found out my toxic friend from elementary school grew up to be a TERF 💀

[grubus]

I looked it up, and Belgarath, Polgara, Murderbot Diaries and The Martian are all 1st person povs. Do you prefer 1st person povs in general or does it not matter what pov it is?

hi!! I'm sorry for letting this ask sit for a bit, I 100% forgot it was there. <_<

I honestly didn't think about how those four are all first person. Very funny to me, especially when I remember my favorite fic for over a decade is also first person. And it is terribly easy to imagine svsss as a first person too... imagine.... it would be so funny....

anyway!

100% coincidence. Those four may all be first person, but they are also the "goddamn, what thing is on fire NOW?" vibes and I love those vibes.

Murderbot diaries is the most social anxious murderbot of all time and its journal logs about trying to do a Good Job without Doing a Good Job (relateable) and the bane of its existence is being acknowledged as sentient, which I find very funny.

The Martian is "botanist gets stuck on anti-botanist hell world, time to use humor to cope as he scopes out dehydrated human shit to make grow-able dirt so that he can grow food and Not Die, but watch out!!! Things go WRONG!!!!" and I can't read this book in public because I make gremlin-giggle noises.

And Belgarath is an ancient sorcerer talking about how as a child he got adopted by the God of Autism (my words) and then fumbled stumbled his way into becoming a legendary sorcerer of respect despite definitely having ADHD and something more,

Polgara is his daughter who, in my opinion, ALSO had Something because she went from Filthy Feral Angry Child Who Lives In Tree (there is a loving description of her hair being covered in bird shit because Birds Are The Best) to then reading up on how to be a Lady and aggressively mastering the ways of "mommy step on me" vibes. I blame her mom's genes here. Her mom is a wolf. A Sexy Wolf.

I won't lie. I could go on long, long rambles when it comes to David Eddings' books. Was he an awful human being? Yes. Did he still shape my sense of humor as a wee child??? Also yes.

Althalus falls in love with a talking cat. They adopt four chaos children to save the world. Sparhawk gets conned into marrying his ward/charge/Queen and tbh Binghe should take notes from Queen Ehlana on how to Get Your Man. Belgarion attempts to do Diplomacy and creates Natural Disasters as a result, gets bullied by grandpa. There are carnivore horses and magic dictates you matter as much as a bug does (affectionately) so if u try to erase a bug from existence, you will get erased instead because fuck u, equality!!! and troll priests can stop TIME THEY CAN STOP TIME WHO LET THE TROLLS BE ABLE TO STOP TIME??? THEY EAT PEOPLE

as I said, I can ramble about the words David Eddings created. I am also procrastinating because YQY is driving me insane in syonr.

back to writing I go............

[paperboy-pb]

WIP; Scrapped & unfinished scene from that animation. For those of you who are sighted, you can tell it needs some corrections.

[leviathanlies]

mARTch 2024 Day 3 - Fav Thing to Draw

Short blonde dudes that get things done despite their massive childhood trauma 👍 (middle is my OC Metal)

[necrotic-nightshade]

I can't tell if it makes me feel better or worse that I wasn't the only person who was failed and fucked over by the administration of my old school.

I'm glad I dropped out. And I'm glad I can finally say I was right about those cunts.

[neuroticboyfriend]

I can't say that I know exactly what you're going through, but I've been to 6 psych wards and a residential treatment center for "troubled teens" so I know how bad it can get.

I don't know what exactly you're comfortable with answering, so don't feel pressured to answer.

How long were you in those places? And you said you were gaslit, which I can imagine made things about a million times worse. What made you stop listening to them and recognize what really happened?

I am so sorry this happened to you. No one deserves this.

I wasn't in them too long, compared to others I know. The first time I was short-term inpatient for a month, and then discharged to outpatient, for another month. The second time, I was in short-term inpatient for over a month, then transferred to state. I was inpatient at state for 5 months, then discharged to state's day program for another month... then I was discharged into a special ed school/day program for people with behavioral issues, mental illness, and developmental disability. I finished my senior year there, which was another 5 months. So all in all, 14 months, or 1 year and 2 months.

The gaslighting I faced was mostly around my systemhood... I'm sure it cropped up in other situations as well, but I can't really remember. But when it came to being plural, the professionals decided my headmates were hallucinations that needed to go away, that I needed to be fixed. It's hard to describe... but my sense of self was so thoroughly destroyed by this that, like I said, I became frontlocked and deeply delusional from the dissociation that piled up.

I believed I was a singlet for years because of this, and honestly, I still don't entirely believe I'm plural now. But, what really helped me re-affirm my reality in the face of so much denial and demonization... was endogenic systems just, existing. It began to not matter as much whether my headmates are from psychosis or not. It opened my eyes that, there is so much more to plurality than the medicalized side that's often pushed. It told me that I could simply exist as I am. And I hope, one day, I'll be plural proudly, and my headmates can be free to exist again, too.

[our-inspire-verse]

I think that being autistic got me fucked up