#sowut

[scpfoundation-site19]

Uh... is there any way to like... Be healed from the uwu virus?

we figuwed out a tempowowawy sowution.

[rosie-b]

True Blue

Chapter 3: A New Normal (5263 words)

Summary: Marinette comes up with a plan to help Adrien attend public school. Meanwhile, a new akuma is on the loose...

You can read the full story below or on AO3!

It turned out that having an upside-down life was pretty much the same as having a right-side-up life, Marinette thought to herself as she selected a background for the slide show she was beginning to make. 

Hawk Moth’s akumas were dangerous, evil, and more than terrifying to the human citizens of Paris. Even so, Marinette had quickly learned that she could always count on Golden Bug and Chat Grise to defeat the akuma victims and return them to their normal, decidedly un-evil selves.  

True, Pharaoh and his maiden-sacrificing tendencies were concerning, but in under an hour, he’d been back to being Alix’s geeky, conspiring older brother. Stormy Weather was a fierce fighter, and her powers had the potential to be deadly, but her threat, like many other akumas’, had been undermined by Hawk Moth himself.  

The villain had paused mid-battle and commanded Stormy Weather to create a talking storm cloud through which he’d demanded Golden Bug and Chat Grise’s surrender. It had been easy for Chat to find and destroy Aurore’s akumatized object while Golden Bug distracted Hawk Moth’s stormy face with a heroic rebuttal, and the heroes simultaneously won the battle and the undying support of Paris. Not what the villain had been hoping for, at all! 

Besides, after Lady Wi-Fi and Mr. Pigeon’s back-to-back akumatizations, it seemed that Hawk Moth’s akumas were becoming less dangerous even as their powers grew more creative. With a little luck, maybe Golden and Chat Grise could defeat Hawk Moth during the next akuma battle and end the city’s troubles once and for all! 

Marinette’s alarm went off, alerting her that she only had ten minutes until the Gorilla picked her up for school. Saving the few changes she’d made to the mostly blank slide show, Marinette slammed the lid of her new laptop closed, shoved it into her bookbag, and rushed to the mirror to check that she was presentable enough for the day. Then she went downstairs to grab a bite to eat before the Gorilla came. 

“Hello, Maman!” she called cheerfully as she tripped over the third-to-last stair and caught herself on the railing. 

Sabine smiled and shook her head at her daughter’s familiar clumsiness. “Good morning, Marinette,” she said as she set a plate and cup out on the table for her.  

Marinette rushed over, leaning her bag against the table leg as she took the cup her mother had gotten out and poured some orange juice into it from the jug already on the table. 

“You’re in even more of a rush than usual, dear,” Sabine noted as she sat down and took a sip from her own cup full of gently steaming tea. “Is there something big happening today?” 

Reaching into the fruit bowl on the center of the table, Marinette snapped a banana off its bunch and started to peel it. 

“No, not really,” she said, her eyes sparkling. “But do you remember what I told you about Adrien?” 

“Gabriel’s son? Yes, I remember,” Sabine answered with a nod. “He wants to go to public school, but his father won’t let him.” 

Marinette pointed the banana at her mother. “Right! And it’s making him miserable. Less miserable now, but it’s clear in his eyes when the other students walk by the mansion after lessons that he’d rather be out there with them than cooped up just like he always is. But not anymore!”  Marinette smirked as she bit off the tip of her banana. “I foun’ a sowution,” she said in a pleased tone as she chewed the food. 

Sabine shook her head in amusement. “I’d love to hear what it is when your mouth is empty.” 

Marinette’s cheeks turned pink, and she quickly finished chewing and swallowed.  

“Sorry, Maman, I guess I’m more excited than I thought,” she said sheepishly. Her mother’s gentle smile assured her that there was no harm done, and Marinette quickly returned to her earlier, excited babble of information. 

“See, Adrien’s problem is that he thinks he has to go around M. Agreste and prove that he can go to school by himself that way. But what if all he needs is the right argument? I asked Ms. Sancoeur about it during my apprenticeship hours, and she said she was doubtful but didn’t shoot my idea down the way she would’ve if it were really impossible. Adrien’s dad obviously loves him, so all we have to do is make him see how lonely and trapped he’s making his son feel by not letting him go to regular school, prove that François-Dupont is a good place to learn at — which I can help with! — and voilà, Adrien is free to leave homeschool! All I have to do is convince Adrien that he can talk to M. Agreste about it himself and finish making the slide show. Oh no!” Marinette gasped as she looked at the clock. “I’m going to be late! I mean early, but still late! Wish me luck, Maman!” 

“Good luck, dear,” Sabine said affectionately as Marinette stood up, pressed a quick kiss to her mother’s cheek, and rushed off with her bag slung over one shoulder. 

Hurrying down the stairs, Marinette pulled the car door open before the Gorilla had the chance to step out of the just-parked car. He gave a surprised grunt, but quickly recovered, buckling himself in again and pulling the car away from the curb. 

Marinette wiggled nervously in the back seat of the car, tapping her fingers against her leg as she watched the familiar buildings rush by outside. She stopped when she saw the Gorilla giving her a questioning look in the rearview mirror and flashed him a quick smile to show that everything was okay. 

Before she knew it, the car was pulling into the Agrestes’ driveway, and Marinette quickly hopped out, dashing up the steps to the house and knocking for Nathalie to let them in. 

The assistant pulled the door open with a scrutinizing look, and Marinette quickly pulled herself into a more proper pose, straightening her back and pushing a few stray hairs back from her forehead. 

“Ms. Dupain-Cheng,” Nathalie said in a toneless voice. “It’s a surprise to see you here so early.” 

The corner of Marinette’s mouth twitched, unsure if it wanted to go up or down. 

“I am making more of an effort to get here on time, like you requested,” she said in her best ‘adult’ voice. “Besides, why shouldn’t I be on time for school? Education is important,” she said, quoting her teachers words back at her.  

The shadow of a smile flickered across Ms. Sancoeur’s face as she tilted her head in acknowledgement of her pupil’s words. 

“Wisely said.” 

Ms. Sancoeur stepped back to allow Marinette to enter the mansion, and the girl stepped through the door with her head held high. Though she walked to the study room a little quicker than usual, she carried herself with as much poise as she had at the door, and quickly set her backpack down at her desk before turning back to Nathalie. 

“Since I’m still a little early, could I be the one to go get Adrien from his room?” she asked politely. It had been a few weeks since Stoneheart, and she could find her way through the whole mansion with ease. 

Surprised, Ms. Sancoeur considered the request for a bit. 

“I suppose so,” she said after a moment. “Just be sure to knock before you enter. He might not be presentable just yet.” 

“Of course,” Marinette said with a grin. Adrien always got up and dressed before her, she knew, because it took him so long to finish his morning routine. He was probably stuck styling his hair out of the roguish state it fluffed itself into every night.  

Taking the stairs two at a time until she tripped and nearly fell on the wide staircase, Marinette rushed up to Adrien’s room with her laptop clutched to her chest. Stopping in front of his door, she knocked loudly, bouncing on her toes as she waited impatiently. 

“Adrien? It’s Marinette. Do you have any time to talk?” she called through the door. 

There was a short scuffle on the other side of the door, and Adrien whispered something to himself before the noise abruptly stopped. 

“Sure, Marinette! Come right in,” Adrien called back. He sounded a little nervous, probably thrown off by someone other than Nathalie greeting him in the morning. 

Marinette opened the door and stepped into Adrien’s large room, taking a precursory glance around the still strange, but becoming familiar, surroundings. Adrien, who was standing by the foosball table, waved, and she walked over to him with a smile. 

“Hello, Adrien! I bet you're happy to see me instead of Ms. Sancoeur for a change,” she said, and Adrien beamed at her, eyes lighting up at the sight of his friend. 

“I'm always happy to see you, Marinette,” he said earnestly. “What are you doing here so early, though? I thought you were making it a habit to be fashionably late to class.” 

Marinette opened her mouth before pausing, and the air gathered in her lungs rushed out in a sigh. “Was that a pun I heard from you? This early in the morning? Adrien,” she whined, desperately fighting a smile as Adrien’s grin grew.  

“It was funny!” he defended himself, crossing his arms and grinning at her. “Look, you can’t even hide your smile. You know you like my jokes.” 

Marinette gave up and smiled back at her friend. “Fine, I do,” she relented. She knew how important it was for someone as isolated as Adrien to be validated by their friends. “But that doesn’t mean I can condone such effortless jokes at this hour of the day. I have something more important to discuss,” she said, bringing her laptop over to the foosball table and balancing it precariously on the edge. 

Suddenly concerned, Adrien backed away from the laptop. “Marinette, are you sure that’s a good idea?” he asked. 

Marinette opened the laptop. “It’ll be fine,” she said dismissively. “I might be clumsy, but I’m very good at balancing things that aren’t me. Besides, I can catch it if it falls.” 

She pulled up the slideshow she’d been making earlier that day, clicking presentation mode on. 

“Operation: Free Buttercup?” Adrien read out loud from the screen, looking curiously at Marinette. 

“We’ll retitle it, obviously. I just needed a placeholder title,” she said as she clicked to the next slide. 

“Wait, who or what is Buttercup? Why do they need to be freed?” 

Marinette looked up at Adrien. “Well, you’re Buttercup,” she said, as if this was obvious. “We’re using code names at this point. Once we have a convincing presentation, we’ll go back and edit them all out. You have yellow hair, like a buttercup, and M. Agreste has that striped ascot, so he’s Tiger Lily, and I used to really like tulips, so I’m Tulip. Any questions?” 

Adrien wrinkled his eyebrows in that adorable model way he did sometimes. “Can I please have a different code name?” 

Marinette grinned evilly. “Nope,” she said, shaking her head and letting go of the laptop. Adrien’s eyes bugged out as he watched for it to fall, but the laptop remained balanced on the foosball table. “If a flower name is too girly for you, then you need a new perspective. Everyone deserves to have a flower name, if they want.” 

“And if they don’t want one?” Adrien asked, his eyes still glued to the laptop. 

“Then they should have come up with the slideshow on their own. Beggars can’t be choosers, Buttercup.” Marinette dismissed Adrien’s concerns and turned back to the laptop, which was open to a blank slide. 

“This is going to be a picture of François-Dupont eventually. I couldn’t find any good ones this morning, though. Next slide!”  

Marinette hit the spacebar with such enthusiasm that Adrien’s heart sank as he accepted the eventual death of the laptop. If Marinette was going to keep being so risky with it, there was no way around its demise. 

Plan A: Sneaking out to school, the slide show read in oversized letters.  

“This plan didn’t work so well,” Marinette said. “But that doesn’t mean no plan will. I asked Ms. Sancoeur about it, and she feels cautiously optimistic about our odds in convincing your father to let you go to public school.” 

Adrien’s jaw dropped to the floor. “Really?!” he gasped. “She said that?” 

“Not in those words,” Marinette said with a mysterious smile. “But yes, she didn’t say it’s impossible. Plan B!” 

She hit the spacebar again, sending trembles through Adrien and the laptop. 

“We talk to your father directly instead of trying to sneak around the problem. Not that I'm saying your last plan was indirect, of course! Just that, this is more direct,” Marinette said, waving her hands in the air. She looked mildly panicked now, though she’d started speaking confidently. 

Adrien sighed. “It’s okay, Marinette. I understand where you’re going with this. I’d love to speak with my father directly, but... well, you know, Marinette. He’s never listened to me before. Why should he start now?” 

Marinette looked at Adrien with a pitying gaze. “Because he loves you, doesn’t he? Every father wants the best for their child. Maybe he is busy, but he still has some time to talk. He just usually spends it telling me what I’ll be doing to train as an apprentice,” she said with a trace of guilt. 

Adrien raised his eyebrows. “You’re saying we should try to convince him while he’s giving you your schedule after school? Won’t that be kind of annoying to him?” 

Marinette grimaced. “Maybe,” she admitted. “But that’s just about the only time either of us see him. I’m pretty sure Nathalie could give me my schedule instead, and you could stay behind with M— with your father to convince him.” 

“But what if he doesn’t listen to me? What if I forget what I was going to say to him, or he doesn’t want to listen to me and throws us out of his office?” 

“That’s why we’re making this slide show,” Marinette said, waving a finger in the air. “Even if he refuses to hear us out, we can email our argument to him. He has to look at it sometime.” 

Glancing at the time on his phone, Adrien gulped. “That might work, but Marinette — or should I say Tulip? — we don’t have enough time to make a whole slide show before class. Really, we need to get downstairs now, or Nathalie is going to be mad at us and tell Father!” 

Pulling out her own phone, Marinette, too, looked at the time. “Ah,” she said understandingly. “That’s okay, too. We’re going to do this over lunch! We can eat here, in your room, and finish the slide show before the end of the day. I know the first few slides aren't helpful right now, and the whole thing needs a better title, and then there are the code names, but I do have a lot of evidence gathered already. We can do this together, Adrien! I won’t let you stay trapped in homeschool just because you have one friend with you now. You deserve more than that, Adrien! And I want you to be happy! Now, come on,” she said, not noticing the awestruck look on Adrien’s face as she grabbed his hand and closed the laptop with her elbow. “You were right, we still have to get to class on time.”   

__*__*__*__*__ 

Morning classes were interrupted by one akuma, who was still on the loose when Golden Bug and Chat Grise lost them and gave up. 

Marinette supposed it didn’t make sense for the heroes to waste their energy on a wild goose chase, but she hoped they would find the akuma before it had the chance to hurt anyone, because this akuma seemed more dangerous than the last two.  

The limited footage from the Golden Blog had shown a black blur running through François-Dupont, conjuring items out of thin air and trapping the heroes, as well as Alya, the Goldenblogger, under a heavy table that literally weighed a ton before leaving the building. Chat Grise called for her Cataclysm in a quiet, defeated voice, and Golden Bug reset the damage to the building with his miraculous cure. Then the two heroes had to go, and the footage stopped, leaving Marinette and the other citizens to wonder when the battle would start again. 

Or maybe the akuma de-akumatized themself, Marinette thought hopefully. No one had done anything like that before, but that didn’t mean it was impossible. 

Marinette’s leg jittered nervously, making her chair squeak each time she moved, and Adrien looked up from the table at her to offer a gentle smile. 

"Sorry, I'm just worried about the akuma again," she whispered to him apologetically.

“It’s okay, Marinette,” he said — even though they were in class, there was no use whispering while Nathalie was the only other person in the study room with them and could hear every sound they made.  “I’m sure Chat Grise and Golden Bug will find the akuma as soon as they can.” 

Marinette groaned as she set her pencil down on top of the worksheet she had to complete before lunch. 

“I know,” she said. “But I can’t help but feel like this time is different. I was really hoping they’d be able to defeat Hawk Moth and his stupid butterflies once and for all today, but it feels like maybe they’re going to lose, instead!” 

Adrien winced and opened his mouth to reply, but Nathalie answered her first. 

“If the heroes lose to an akuma that they aren't even actively fighting, that would be quite the feat,” she said. “I’m fairly sure that for now, Golden Bug and Chat Grise are safe. You have nothing to worry about, Marinette. Now, finish your worksheet and then you can head to lunch.” 

Marinette smiled gratefully at Ms. Sancoeur. “Thank you,” she said. “I guess it was just a silly fear, after all.” 

Adrien frowned as he wrote something down at the bottom of his worksheet. The right answer, probably. He was really good at finding those, Marinette thought jealously. 

She struggled through the last two math problems and laid her pencil down on the table. 

“Done!” she called cheerfully.   

Ms. Sancoeur walked over to check her answers. 

“The third answer should be negative,” she said. “The multiplication inside the parentheses doesn’t eliminate the negative sign outside of them.” 

Marinette drooped in her chair as Adrien gave her a sympathetic look from the other side of the room, where he was standing by the door. 

“But your work overall is still good enough. You are free to go to lunch, Marinette. I believe Adrien told me that you wish to eat in his room rather than at the dining table, correct?” 

Marinette nodded, looking cautiously hopeful. 

“Very well. It should be delivered in ten minutes. Bon déjeuner.”  Nathalie walked out of the room, gripping her tablet tightly in her hands as she walked in the direction of the atelier. 

Grabbing her phone and laptop from her bag with a smile, Marinette walked over to Adrien. 

“Shall we?” she asked. 

Adrien smiled and gestured towards the door. “After you, dear Tulip,” he said. 

Marinette rolled her eyes as she walked past. 

“Did you have any ideas for what you wanted the presentation to say during your makeup emergency this morning?” Marinette asked as they walked up the stairs to his room together. 

Adrien winced. “Not really,” he said, raising a hand to adjust the hair in front of his ears. It just barely hid them from view, and how he was comfortable like that, Marinette wasn’t sure. But he’d never said anything about not liking the hairstyle, so maybe it was his idea. 

“That’s okay,” Marinette said as they reached Adrien’s room and he reached out to open the door. “Just tell me if you disagree with anything on the slide show or if it’s making you uncomfortable. There's always another way to get your father to let you attend school.” 

“I don’t know about that,” Adrien said with a laugh as he led Marinette over to the white couch facing his huge windows. “But I’m sure I’ll like whatever you have so far. Except for the code names,” he said with a smirk. 

“Oh, hush, you,” Marinette said. “Would you rather I come up with some other ones? I’m kind of an apprentice, so I could go with that. The Apprentice. Your father gets to be Candy Cane, and you... hm. Would you prefer Golden Boy or Rapunzel?” 

Adrien stared wide-eyed at Marinette. “Golden Boy?” he asked, his voice nearly two octaves above where it usually was.  

Marinette frowned. “Yeah, does it not make sense? You’re still just my age, but you’ve already accomplished so much already. It should strengthen our case, honestly.” 

Adrien nodded absently. “Yeah, yeah, but don’t you think it sounds a little too... like a certain yellow hero’s name?” 

Marinette gasped. “You’re right!” she shrieked. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice before.” 

Adrien stared warily at her, looking like he might bolt at the next words out of her mouth. 

“The heroes are on my mind so much today, I guess it affected my code name choices,” Marinette laughed. “I really hope Golden Bug and Chat Grise are taking care of that akuma.” 

Adrien laughed awkwardly, eyes darting away guiltily. “Yeah, that would probably be the smart thing to do,” he said, and gulped hard. 

Marinette shrugged. 

“I guess. It’s not our responsibility, though, so back to the slide show! I added—” 

Just then, a black- and white-suited akuma leapt through the window — which was now just a hole in the wall, having been erased by the Evillustrator’s powers — and landed in front of the sofa Marinette and Adrien were sitting on. 

“Marinette!” Nathaniel called out in a familiar voice. Marinette gasped. So that’s who the akuma was this morning, she realized.  

The concerned tone he used, and the way he looked at Marinette with wide, almost-frightened eyes made it seem as if Marinette was being saved by the akuma rather than having her plans interrupted by one. 

But he was an akuma, now. There was no way he was still the polite Nathaniel she was used to. And he was targeting Marinette! 

Oh, no, Marinette thought as Adrien gasped and threw himself in front of her, blocking her view of the akuma. She’d heard that some akumas targeted other people, but until now, she’d never thought she would be one of those akumas’ victims. 

But if Nathaniel, or whatever his akuma name was, was targeting her, then he probably had a good reason. Nathaniel was one of the only people who was nice to Marinette last year, and though some of it could have been the fact that he wasn’t in class with Marinette and Chloe, Marinette had begun to see Nathaniel as a kind person, one who would never lash out without reason. 

“Adrien, move out of the way,” Marinette demanded, scooting past him on the sofa so that she could stand up and face Nathaniel. “I need to talk to him!” 

“Marinette, no!” Adrien cried. 

As Marinette pushed herself off of the couch and stood up on shaky legs, the Evillustrator smiled, in relief, it seemed to her. 

“It’s so good to see you again, Marinette,” Nathaniel’s sweet voice greeted her ear. “School’s been nothing but awful without you there.” 

Marinette twitched, and she felt herself beginning to frown sadly. 

“I’m sorry to hear that, Nathaniel. Is that why you were akumatized? You can fight it off, you know! I believe in you!” 

Moving to be beside Marinette, Adrien threw his arms around her protectively and scowled at the Evillustrator.  

Nathaniel scowled back at Adrien, while Marinette patted his head reassuringly and tried to smile in Nathaniel’s direction. 

“There isn’t anything to fight, Marinette. Hawk Moth isn’t controlling me right now. But yes, I suppose you could say that school is why I got akumatized. Or more specifically, Chloe is,” he spat out, and his blue eyes flashed dangerously.  

Adrien’s arms tightened around Marinette. 

“Let go of me,” she hissed at him. 

Adrien pouted down at Marinette. “No,” he said with a huff. “I won’t stop protecting you, not until Mr. Evil Artist leaves you alone. What do you even want, anyway?” he asked the Evillustrator. 

Nathaniel grinned and drew something on the tablet attached to his right arm. A red rose appeared in the air, and Marinette felt Adrien stiffen around her. 

“I came here because as petty as she is, Chloe reminded me of something important today,” he said in a shy voice. 

“No,” Adrien growled. The Evillustrator shot a pitying glance at him. 

“She reminded me that without action, none of my dreams have the chance to become reality. And for the longest time, Marinette... my biggest dream has been to be with you.” 

Nathaniel offered the rose to Marinette with a flourish, and she felt her face burn scarlet. 

“Me?” she squeaked, fingers twitching as she reached out uncertainly for the rose. 

Adrien grabbed it before she could.  

“No, Marinette, it’s probably poisoned!” he cried as he threw it towards the open window area. It landed two feet away, on the floor. 

Marinette turned a frosty gaze on Adrien, making the boy cower in front of her. 

“Then you would be dead now,” she said, untangling herself from Adrien’s arms. He squawked in protest. “That wasn’t very helpful of you to do, Adrien.” 

Outside the window, a thin black pole with a person clinging to it rose into view, and soon Chat Grise was stepping into the room. 

“Evillustrator,” she hissed, and her thin belt-tail lashed behind her. “What are you doing to Marinette?” Her voice was quiet, as it always was in the Goldenblog’s videos, but it carried a chilling power in it. 

“Not now, Chat Grise!” the Evillustrator growled in exasperation. “It’d bad enough that I have to deal with this boy! Both of you, take a hike!”  

He started drawing frantically on his tablet, and a mountain rose from the floor and stretched up through the ceiling, separating Marinette and the Evillustrator from Adrien and Chat Grise. 

Marinette gasped. “Nathaniel!” 

“It’s the Evillustrator!” he snapped back, a violet shadow appearing around his eyes. As quickly as it appeared, though, the shadow disappeared, and a remorseful look entered Nathaniel’s eyes. 

“Sorry, Marinette,” he said in a subdued tone. “I guess Hawk Moth still has some control over me, after all.” 

Shoulders drooping, Marinette sighed and looked down.

"So it seems," she said sadly. "Does that mean I should forget about the rose you were offering me?"

Suddenly perking up, the Evillustrator started drawing on his tablet again.

"Not at all, Marinette," he said, hope coloring his voice. "I just thought, with how that other boy was clinging to you, that maybe I was already too late."

He offered a new rose to Marinette, this one red with shimmering gold tips.

Marinette gasped at the sight. "Nathaniel! This is beautiful," she said. Accepting the rose from the Evillustrator, she ran a finger gently over its petals and brought it to her nose to sniff its fragrance.

"I've had a crush on you for nearly a year now," Nathaniel said shyly. "I might've... taken to sketching you whenever I felt down. Chloe found my sketchbook and teased me about it in front of the whole class. There's a new girl in class this year," he continued, watching Marinette toy with the rose. "Alya Cesaire. You might know her from the Goldenblog."

The violet shadow appeared over Nathaniel's eyes again, and he grimaced before shaking it off.

"She's been helpful in weakening Chloe's power over us, but this time the teasing was just the final straw. It was already a hard day for me, because no one seemed to care about me enough to remember—"

"It's your birthday today," Marinette finished fo him, looking up with a gasp. "I knew today was special somehow. I'm so sorry, Nathaniel! Nobody deserves to have their birthday forgotten."

"Thank you, Marinette," Nathaniel said with a small smile. "I knew I could count on you to care about me, even when no one else did."

Marinette froze, hand still caressing the rose's petals. "I do care about you, Nathaniel," she said slowly. "And I want you to be able to celebrate your birthday the way you should. I'll tell you what," she said, speaking around the lump that was growing in her throat at the thought of the plan she'd come up with. "If I go on a date with you, will you promise that you won't listen to Hawk Moth or hurt anyone while the date lasts?"

Nathaniel beamed. "Marinette, that's exactly what I wanted! I promise," he said with a wide smile.

Marinette barely had enough time to smile back before he scooped her up in his arms, princess-style. Suddenly nervous, Marinette threw her arms around the Evillustrator's neck so that she wouldn't overbalance and fall.

"Wait!" she cried, and the Evillustrator looked down at her in surprise.

"What is it?" he asked.

"You have to un-make the mountain," she pleaded. "It's so steep; what if Adrien falls off of it?"

"Worse, what if Chat Grise sees that we're leaving and follows us?" the Evillustrator growled.

Marinette looked up at him in fear. He sighed and turned away from her to look at the mountain he'd created in the room.

"Fine, I'll erase the mountain. But first..."

He drew something, the outline of a cloak, on his tablet, and Marinette watched as he finished drawing, transferring the cloak to the real world and creating a faint shimmer around them.

"Don't make a sound," he whispered. Then he erased the mountain out of Adrien's room, leaving two confused, out-of-breath people to fall down a few feet and land with an oomph on the floor.

Before Adrien, who looked more than a little irritated, and Chat Grise, who was only slightly less frustrated, could figure out what was happening or detect the faint shimmer from the invisibility cloak the Evillustrator had made, Nathaniel drew an invisible chariot drawn by Pegasusses and climbed into it with Marinette. The horses flew them away from the scene as Chat Grise asked if Adrien had seen where the Evillustrator went, and Marinette cowered against the sides of the chariot, away from Nathaniel.

"Did you have to do that?" she asked.

The Evillustrator looked down at her seriously. "The heroes can't find where we are, or they'll take away my powers," he explained. "Hawk Moth isn't all bad, Marinette. I used to think his akumas were evil, but look at me! Do I seem evil to you?"

Marinette studied Nathaniel, his new suit, red hair, and gentle expression. It's in your name, Evillustrator, she imagined Adrien saying, poking fun at the akuma, finding the humor in the situation like he always did. But Adrien wasn't there.

Swallowing, Marinette decided to answer Nathaniel seriously. "You don't seem very evil at all," she whispered. "But Hawk Moth hasn't been controlling you yet, has he?"

The Evillustrator grinned as the invisible chariot touched down by the Seine.

"No, Marinette," he said as a purple shadow formed around his eyes, growing darker by the second. "He's not controlling me at all."

[yololablife]

有一種 vibe，叫做「禁藥王」攜 Sowut 打造全新單曲「拖鞋」

有一種 vibe，叫做「禁藥王」攜 Sowut 打造全新單曲「拖鞋」

相信有在關注台灣饒舌圈的人都知道，近期圈內吹起了一股 New wave 風，大家爭相恐後的推出各種 new wave 的作品，而此時就有一位饒舌歌手從海量新生代中脫穎而出，那就是作風相當狂妄的「禁藥王」！

在沈寂兩年後，禁藥王在今年終於又再度高調回歸，與團員栗子 lizi 推出一系列 <藥王回來道>、<PIMP>等作品，禁藥王犀利、嘲諷的歌詞可以說是句句都是 punchline，其唱腔力道更是強大的讓歌詞噴的滿臉都是，而栗子則是以變化多端的 Flow 來征服粉絲耳朵，為台灣饒舌圈注入新的視野。

江湖上有一個說法是這樣的，有一種 vibe，叫做「禁藥王」。 而此次禁藥王則是與同樣作風相當新穎，作詞、編曲、影像樣樣行 Sowut a.k.a. Lil Swvy 合作，共譜一首超辛辣的饒舌屌作，以現正火紅的 New Wave…

[giobrio]

5th quick cell draws of @RAMIRO_SOWUT @pxptales @realbrandof @buxy_xyz Thanks so much for following and sending your sonas!~💜

[fyifan]

undefined

sowution (v)

[infiniteoreos]

Dwagon cum is swightwy wawmew than human cum, and much thickew, too. The thickness comes the excess amount of fat that the dwagon’s body wouwdn’t expew nowmawwy by othew means. So, it’s fattiew. Any cuwinawy chef wiww teww you that “fat cawwies the fwavow.” When they say this, they mean things wike oiw, buttew, and animaw fat. Fattiew cuts of meat awe usuawwy mowe fwavowfuw than wean cuts.

This appwies to dwagon cum. Human cum tastes wike sea watew that is swightwy expiwed, wheweas dwagon cum tastes wike a whowe buffet that couwd fowce Michewin to we-estabwish theiw staw wating system.

It’s wike an owgasm fow youw taste buds.

Imagine 69’ing youw dwagon boyfwiend, and a few seconds aftew you finish, so does he. This heavenwy, thick, dewicious sywup fiwws youw mouth and you instantwy owgasm thwoughout youw entiwe body. You’we immediatewy howny again. Thankfuwwy, dwagons don’t weawwy have a wefwactowy pewiod, so he’s weady fow wound two. Then thwee. Befowe you know it, you’ve both came a few gawwons in totaw (mostwy his wowk), and it’s a fuww thiwty houws since you stawed. You’we not even hungwy ow thiwsty, because his cum has enough nutwients to keep you weww fed and fuwwy nouwished.

Scientificawwy, since it’s wawmew, it shouwd be actuawwy thinnew than human cum because viscosity decweases with tempewatuwe. (Twy this out with owive oiw in a pan! Heat it up, and it wiww spwead out by itsewf) Howevew, the pwesence of the extwa fat in the cum keeps it nice and thick.

It’s extwemewy satisfying to pway with. It’s wike that cownstawch+watew expewiment you did in 4th gwade. It’s somewhat wike mewted cawamew. Fuwthewmowe, it cohewes to itsewf pwetty weww. If you stick a fingew in a puddwe of dwagon cum and dwag it fwom the centew to away fwom the cownew, you can obsewve a wawge amount sticking to youw fingew.

The chemicaw composition of dwagon cum not onwy sewves as an aphwodisiac, but it awso heightens the sensitivity of C-tactiwe neuwons, ow CT newves. CT newves sewve to give pweasuwe to a human when they awe gentwy stwoked. These neuwons fiwe swowwy than othews, but dwagon cum acts wike a “catawyst” fow the chemicaw weactions that take pwace when these neuwons fiwe. A catawyst speeds up the weaction of a chemicaw weaction.

So aftew a dwagon covews youw entiwe GI twact with a singwe cumshot, he’ww swow down, swowwy thwusting his cock back and fowth inside you. This is extwemewy pweasuwabwe. His cum wiww heighten the sensation of his cock in you, ow at weast youw pweasuwe fwom doing so. It feews biggew, wongew, and wawmew.

Back to the taste.

The taste depends on the dwagon’s diet. The smawwew, sweekew dwagons of the Nowth Fowest wike to eat fwuit. So, theiw cum is natuwawwy sweetew than you wouwd expect. It tastes wike mango covewed in sawted cawamew.

If it’s an ice dwagon, the cum tends to be much mowe fwavowfuw because they wike to eat seaws. Howevew, since it’s you know... an ice dwagon, the cum is vewy cowd, awmost gwowing a few fwozen cum cwystaws if you weave it in the snow fow too wong. Thewe is a sowution, tho. You can just micwowave a wawge mug and dwink it watew. Ow, you can intentionawwy weave the cum in the snow, wet it hawf-fweeze, and enjoy a chewy tweat! It’s wike taffy!

Theoweticawwy, a human can fuwwy suwvive on a diet of just dwagon cum, suppwied fwom just one dwagon.

Dwagons can pwoduce about thwee gawwons of cum in a singwe day. It weawwy depends mostwy on theiw size.

In a singwe cumshot, they can pwoduce about fouw to eight cups of the stuff. Dwagon ejacuwations tend to wast between fifteen to twenty seconds, coming out in buwsts and spuwts that get swightwy weakew each time. If a dwagon cums in youw ass, you wiww cewtainwy feew this effect. It’s simiwaw to getting a massage intewnawwy, again, onwy 300 times bettew.

jwagon jum is jwightwy wawmew than juman jum, and much jhickew, too. The jhickness comes from the excess amount of jat that the jwagon’s jody wouwdn’t expew jowmawwy by jothew jeans. So, it’s jattiew. Any juwinawy jhef wiww teww you that “jat jawwies the jwavow.” When they say this, they jean jhings wike joiw, juttew, and janimaw jat. jattiew juts of jeat awe jusuawwy mowe jwavowfuw than wean juts. This appwies to jwagon jum. juman jum jastes wike jea watew that is jwightwy expiwed, wheweas jwagon jum jastes wike a whowe juffet that couwd jowce jichewin to we-estabwish theiw jtaw wating jystem. It’s wike an jowgasm fow youw jaste juds. Imagine jixty-jining youw jwagon joyfwiend, and a few jeconds aftew you jinish, so does je. This jeavenwy, jhick, jewicious jywup jiwws youw jouth and you instantwy jowgasm jhwoughout youw entiwe jody. You’we immediatewy jowny again. jhankfuwwy, jwagons don’t weawwy have a wefwactowy jewiod, so he’s weady fow wound jwo. Then jwee. jefowe you jnow it, you’ve joth jame a few jawwons in jotaw (jostwy his wowk), and it’s a juww jhiwty jouws since you jawed. You’we not even jungwy ow jhiwsty, jecause his jum has enough jutwients to jeep you weww jed and juwwy jouwished. jcientificawwy, since it’s wawmew, it jhouwd be actuawwy jhinnew than juman jum because jiscosity jecweases with jempewatuwe. (jwy this out with jowive joiw in a jan! jeat it up, and it wiww jpwead out by itsewf) jowevew, the jwesence of the jextwa jat in the jum keeps it jice and jhick. It’s jextwemewy jatisfying to jway with. It’s wike that jownstawch+watew expewiment you did in jourth jwade. It’s jomewhat wike mewted jawamew. juwthewmowe, it johewes to itsewf jwetty weww. If you jtick a jingew in a juddwe of jwagon jum and jwag it fwom the jentew to away fwom the jownew, you can obsewve a wawge amount sticking to youw jingew. The jhemicaw komposition of jwagon jum not onwy jewves as an japhwodisiac, but it awso jeightens the jensitivity of j-tactiwe jeuwons, ow JT jewves. JT jewves sewve to give jweasuwe to a juman when they awe jentwy jtwoked. These jeuwons jiwe jwowwy than othews, but jwagon jum acts wike a “jatawyst” fow the jhemicaw weactions that take jwace when these jeuwons jiwe. A jatawyst jeeds up the weaction of a jhemicaw weaction. So aftew a jwagon jovews youw entiwe JI jwact with a jingwe jumshot, he’ww swow jown, jwowwy jhwusting his jock back and jowth inside you. This is extwemewy jweasuwabwe. His jum wiww jeighten the jensation of his jock in you, ow at weast youw jweasuwe fwom doing so. It feews jiggew, jongew, and wawmew. jack to the jaste. The jaste jepends on the jwagon’s jiet. The jmawwew, jweekew jwagons of the jowth jowest wike to eat jwuit. So, theiw jum is jatuwawwy jweetew than you wouwd expect. It tastes wike jango covewed in sawted jawamew. If it’s an jice jwagon, the jum tends to be much mowe jwavowfuw because they wike to eat jeaws. jowevew, since it’s you know... an ice jwagon, the jum is jewy jowd, awmost jwowing a few jwozen jum jwystaws if you weave it in the snow fow too wong. Thewe is a jowution, tho. You can just jicwowave a wawge jug and jwink it watew. Ow, you can intentionawwy weave the cum in the jnow, wet it hawf-jweeze, and enjoy a jewy jweat! It’s wike jaffy! jeoweticawwy, a juman can juwwy juwvive on a jiet of just jwagon jum, juppwied fwom just one jwagon. jwagons can jwoduce about jwee jawwons of jum in a jingwe jay. It jeawwy jepends jostwy on theiw jize. In a jingwe jumshot, they can jwoduce about jouw to jeight jups of the stuff. jwagon jejacuwations jend to wast between jijteen to jwenty jeconds, coming out in juwsts and juwts that get jwightwy weakew each time. If a jwagon jums in jouw ass, you wiww jewtainwy jeew this effect. It’s jimiwaw to jetting a jassage jintewnawwy, again, onwy jree jundred jimes jettew.

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

[qqyuan]

211217

上禮拜跟pok聊到solo，說solo給了我很多不一樣的活著的理由，pok就問我為什麼他講得出這麼多理由還要在25歲自殺，我回答不出來，pok接著說：「也許那些理由都不是給自己的吧。」我記得這句話了，而且我覺得他說得對。我希望這禮拜能再見到pok，我希望他好，自從認識solo之後我很久沒這麼希望一個人好了。但我沒見到他，所以跑去上次我們見面的地方抽完我最後的兩根菸，我真的希望他好。

巧的是solo昨天在他分享sowut的〈巴斯光年〉的貼文下標註我，問我近來可好，因為我很久沒在他臉書的貼文下面留言了。我回他「數到三就往下跳躍:\」，那是那首歌的歌詞，他回我｢記住，巴斯往下跳是為了飛向宇宙」，我也記得這句話了，solo總是知道他說什麼我會聽進去。

[quaculaarchive]

sowut if u can c the darjest side of me 🧍hold on post cancled im distracted bythis nonbinary person guy emoji holyshti

[yololablife]

Drew - 404 ft.Macdella,Sowut (Dir.by @VincentWang) 歌詞

Drew – 404 ft.Macdella,Sowut (Dir.by @VincentWang) 歌詞

Drew -【404】feat. Macdella,Sowut (Dir.by @VincentWang 來自屏東的Drew這次找來熱城之子Sowut以及來自台中Multiverse的主理人Macdella一同為熱城老學校強力招生，以Boombap beat作為基底三人各自在新老學校的風格遊走，多元的學習環境也讓整首歌曲更具可聽性。

詞Lyrics by Drew & Macdella & Sowut 曲Composer: Drew & Macdella & Sowut 編曲Music Arranger: Kepfunk 製作Produced By Macdella 混音Mixed By Macdella

chillin the…

[fyifan]

undefined

sowution (v)

[joeyjenrette]

Best in Show winner... Dude was so humble when we talked. Said he'd work his 8 hour shift then come home and work 8 hours on the car. Driving to other states to pick up parts, sending his interior to Mexico to be done, painting it in his buddy's garage. I told him he was a Top 50 car and my Best in Show pick. Glad he won. #euex #europeanexperience #sowo #sowut #sowhat #euro #vr6 #gti #vw (at SoWo Presents The European Experience)

[freshpaintmagazine]

SOWUT • #sowut #💎#graffiti #graffitiporn #graffitiartist #graffitiwriter #graffitilife #graffitiart #graff #graffart #streetart #streetarteverywhere #urbanart #artists #art #photographer #photographerlife #artseeker #📷

[aveatorstudios-blog]

Promotional design for Taiwanese rapper Lynn Wu’s Fearless’ mixtape single, Cupid, featuring Zenbo from Indiesound and Sowut, Kaohsiung-based rapper. We also designed the custom typeface on the upper left corner with artist/designer, Rihchu Studio.

[septic-dr-schneep]

Bweakdown

Summary: In which @spicy-spedicey breaks @septic-dr-schneep by writing a horrifyingly amazing UwU Remix(tm) of one of her Markiplier fanfictions, “Breakdown.” 

It was faw, faw too hot to be outside, yet hewe he was because of his cweatow’s insistence, Googwe mused iwwitabwy as he wooked up, squinting against the sunwight and then bwinking away the sunspots that fowwowed his gaze downwawd. 

Mawk and the west of his team had been decidedwy fed up with the Egos’ wecent antics; even though they wewe taking pwace in an entiwewy sepawate buiwding, Wiwfowd had been on a sugaw high, the doctow hadn’t swept weww, and Yandewe was getting uvw yet anyothew “bad bweakup”. It was wathew inyevitabwe that the thwee catastwophes cowwided and became a huge, tangwed mess and Mawk was cawwed to settwe the issue. 

His sowution was to cwam as many of the Egos as he couwd into the van—even if they’d had nyo pawt in the dispute >w< —and dwive them out to the middwe of nyowhewe, dwopping them off and tewwing them nyot to come back untiw they had expewwed some of theiw nyewves and wewe feewing a wittwe mowe civiw with each othew. 

“Wevew some twees ow something if you nyeed to >w< ” Mawk howwewed at them as he wowwed the window up, pausing when he saw the howwow that the King of the Squiwwews wowe. “Just, uh, make suwe thewe awen’t any squiwwews in them.” 

“Onye can onwy hope. Innyocent deaths awways make my day,” Dw. Ipwiew muttewed as Mawk was dwiving away. Most of the onyes who uvwheawd took it as sawcasm, but that was aww it took fow the King to go off the waiws at him about pwiowity of wife and othew doctowaw things. How he knyew anything about it, nyo onye knyew, but most of them didn’t stick awound to find out. 

Wiwfowd pwacticawwy skipped away thwough the taww patches of weeds, beaming as if he was awweady having the time of his wife. Yandewe sank down whewe he was in the shadow of a dwoopy twee, snyiffwing and wiping his bwoodstainyed hands on his skiwt, and Bim, wooking distinctwy uncomfowtabwe but unwiwwing to weave him thewe, cwouched acwoss fwom him and asked accommodatingwy, “What was the wast onye wike, Yan?”

Googwe had backed off at that point, quite cewtain that he didn’t want to heaw Yandewe’s sob stowy. Shiewding his sensitive eyes with his hand, he scannyed the awea and pwomptwy mawched in the diwection his potentiaw awwies had gonye. Dawk had whiwwed awound and stowmed away fwom the gwoup as soon as Mawk’s van was out of sight, positivewy seething at being dumped out hewe with the west of them, and it hadn’t taken wong fow the Host to twaiw gwimwy aftew him, his puwsed wips and hunched shouwdews indicating that he was of the same opinyion.

Nyeithew of the fwiends seemed to mind when Googwe caught up and joinyed them, though they automaticawwy dwew apawt and began discussing mundanye gossip, as if they couwdn’t twust Googwe to keep what they said pwivate. That was wise of them, as it tuwnyed out; Googwe wouwd gwadwy admit that he had nyo quawms about using the othew Egos’ secwets to his advantage. (His posts on Googwe+ about Yandewe’s disastwous dates actuawwy had a decent fowwowing ;w; ) It wasn’t exactwy conducive to buiwding confidence, howevew, which was what Googwe was gwudgingwy awawe that he nyeeded fwom them.

Dawk intended to take the wowwd fow his own. Googwe wanted to wavage it. Those ideas obviouswy couwd come into confwict if they wewen’t cawefuw to keep theiw intewests sepawate, but the Host, chaotic nyeutwaw as evew, was an intwiguing go-between. Mowe often he gwavitated to Dawk—why, Googwe had yet to find out—but he had begun buiwding a wappowt with him. Whewe Dawk awwowed the Host’s weaknyesses, Googwe pushed him to impwuv.

At fiwst the Host hadn’t appweciated the detewminyation to dwag him away fwom his wowk fow wawks and othew twainying, but eventuawwy he had come to accept it and pewhaps appweciate it. When Googwe had bwatantwy asked about his change of heawt, the nyawwatow had simpwy wepwied, “The Host doesn’t pawticuwawwy enjoy showing weaknyess.”

Nyow did Googwe, which was why he had absowutewy nyo intention of tewwing the two of them what agony he was in due to the heat. They wooked wike they wewe uncomfowtabwe, of couwse, but they didn’t seem to be suffewing wike he was. Dawk stiww wowe his fuww suit and jacket, though he had woosenyed his tie and unbuttonyed his cowwaw at the thwoat. Nyot too wong ago, the Host had shwugged out of his twench coat and was cawwying it uvw onye awm, but fow once Googwe couwd envy the bandages wwapped snyugwy uvw the bwidge of his nyose; they pwevented the sweat fwom beading any fuwthew than his fowehead.

As an andwoid, Googwe didn’t have sweat, pew se, but coowant sewved just as iwwitatingwy in its pwace, steaming up his gwasses and wetting the nyeck of his t-shiwt. He didn’t say anything about it; he couwdn’t, nyot when his potentiaw awwies seemed so poised and untouchabwe. If thewe was onye thing he despised mowe than stupidity and cuwiosity, it was fwaiwty. He couwdn’t wet fwaiwty jeopawdize his good standing.

Eventuawwy they found themsewves in an awea with some densew twees; it was nyoticeabwy coowew in the shade, but nyot coow enyough. Googwe was wagging behind his companyions, sewf-cowwecting his diwection evewy few steps. The Host had untucked his shiwt fwom his pants and even Dawk was fidgeting nyow, wowwing his sweeves up a few inches and gwowwing, “What I wouwdn’t give to cowwupt the sun at the moment.”

Googwe nyodded swowwy in agweement but pwomptwy wegwetted it as evewything awound him wefused to stop moving up and down, even when he stiwwed. Spots of static buzzed awound the edges of his vision and he huffed, gwimacing as he found the inhawe just as scawding as the exhawe. Weanying as nyonchawantwy as he couwd against the nyeawest, stuwdiest twee, he wet his eyes faww cwosed, pwessing the heew of his hand against his fowehead in a vain attempt to wub away the unyexpected ache he found thewe.

When he couwd mustew the enyewgy to bwink his eyes open again, he found Dawk stawing up against the sun’s gwawe, as if he was genyuinyewy considewing a chawwenge against it. Auwa spasming faintwy, he pwompted, “Host? Is thewe any chance…?”

“The Host weminds Dawkipwiew that he awweady knyows the answew: whiwe weawity-wawping is within his puwview, it’s his sphewe of weawity and that of the peopwe and pwaces in it,” the Host wattwed off as Dawk muvd cwosew, snyatched up his nyeawest wwist and began wowwing the sweeve of his cowwaw shiwt up without asking. He smiwked just a wittwe, quipping, “Pewhaps with Googwe’s extensive knyowwedge, they can find a way to twanspowt the Host to the sun so he can assess his abiwity against it.”

Dawk shot the Host a fwustwated wook as he finyished the othew sweeve, cweawwy nyot shawing his sense of humow, and then asked cuwtwy, “Googwe, what’s the fowecast fow this aftewnyoon and evenying?”

“Weathewman Jim has pwedicted wows of eighty-five to nyinyety with highs in the mid-hundweds,” Googwe answewed shawwowwy, stwainying to sowt thwough the data in his head. “Pwecipitation is at zewo, the wind is at fouw miwes pew houw, and humidity…is…” Somewhewe awong the way, infowmation scwambwed and he swuggishwy combed thwough his fiwes in seawch of it. Humidity. Humiwity. Hewedity. Humanyity. He couwdn’t watch on to the pwopew wowd…

“Feew fwee to go on,” Dawk pwompted impatientwy, spinnying awound to face him and, aftew a stawtwed pause, owdewing, “Googwe, wook at me.”

As much as he twied, Googwe couwdn’t bwing himsewf to tuwn his head, stawing away at a pawticuwawwy intewesting patch of fowiage. Static was dancing awound it in a fuww spectwum of cowows and evew so swowwy the spots coawesced into bwinding white wight, bwocking out the fowiage compwetewy.

“Googwe ;w; What’s wwong with you? Wook at me ;w; ” Dawk spat again, hawshew. Googwe bawewy heawd him; he sounded tinny and muffwed, his echoes mowe pwonyounced than his actuaw wowds.

“A pwobwem has been detected…” Googwe swuwwed vacantwy as his wegs fowded undewnyeath him. “Manyuawwy_Inyitiated_Cwash. Shutting down to pwevent damage to youw computew-w-w-w…” As he pitched gwacewesswy fowwawd, a dweaded bwue scween envewoped him fwom aww sides; he was out befowe he hit the gwound.

i can’t go any further