#source: wet hot american summer

[thehungergamesmemes]

Wovey: These people are my friends

Wovey: I’ve known them for 12 hours

[fansiesmemes]

Les: These people are my friends

Les: I’ve known them for 12 hours

[in-the-words-of-the-hellaverse]

Moxxie: What are you up to? Blitzø: Writing in my gournal. I write my thoughts in it every day. Moxxie: Oh, you mean a journal? Blitzø: Yeah, whatever. I guess we're not all smart like you, Moxx.

[will80sbyers]

Do you still have the list of movies that inspired ST4? I had a picture of it but I lost it and I haven't been able to find it since. Please and thank you in advance.

Yep!

Long post warning lol

300

2001: A Space Odyssey

47 Meters Down: Uncaged

12 Monkeys

28 Days Later

13th Warrior

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

Altered States

Amelie

American Sniper

Analyze This

Annihilation

Aristocats

Armageddon

Assassins Creed

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Arrival

Almost Famous

Batman Begins

Batman V. Superman

Basket Case

Battle at Big Rock

Beauty and the Beast

Beetlejuice

Behind Enemy Lines

Beverly Hills Cop

Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey

Billy Madison

Black Cauldron

Black Swan

Boondock Saints

Borat

Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Burn After Reading

Broken Arrow

Blade Runner

C.H.U.D

Con Air

Cast Away

Congo

Constantine

Children of Men

Cabin in the Woods

Crank

Casablanca

Carrie

Crimson Tide

Clueless

Dukes of Hazzard

Don’t Breathe

Death to Smoochy

Doom

Dark Knight

Dogma

Deep Blue Sea

Dreamcatcher

Drop Dead Fred

Die Hard

Die Hard 2

Die Hard 3

Don’s Plum

Dances with Wolves

Dumb and Dumber

Edward Scissorhands

Enter the Void

Ex Machina

Event Horizon

Emma (2020)

Forrest Gump

Fargo

Fisher King

Full Metal Jacket

Ferris Bueller

Fallen

Fugitive

Ghost

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Ghostbusters

Good Fellas

Girl Interrupted

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Get Out

Good Will Hunting

Hackers

High Fidelity

Hellraiser 1

Hellraiser 2

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Hidden

High School Musical

Hurt Locker

Heat

Hunger Games

Highlander

Hell or High Water

Home Alone

I am Legend

It’s a Wonderful Life

In Cold Blood

Inception

I am a Fugitive from Chain Gang

Inside Out

Island of Doctor Moreau

It Follows

Interview with a Vampire

Inner Space

Into the Spiderverse

Independence Day

Jupiter Ascending

John Carter of Mars

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

James Bond (All Movies)

Julie

Karate Kid

Knives Out

Kingsmen

Little Miss Sunshine

Labyrinth

Long Kiss Goodnight

Lost Boys

Leon: The Professional

Let the Right One In

Little Women (1994)

Mad Max: Fury Road

Magnolia

Men in Black

Mimic

Matrix

Misery

My Cousin Vinny

Mystic River

Minority Report

Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Neverending Story

Never Been Kissed

No Country for Old Men

Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

North by Northwest

Open Water

Orange County

Oceans 8

Oceans 11

Oceans 12

One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest

Ordinary People

Paddington 2

Platoon

Pulp Fiction

Papillon

Pan’s Labyrinth

Pineapple Express

Peter Pan

Princess Bride

Paradise Lost

Primal Fear

Prisoners

Peter Jackson’s King Kong

Reservoir Dogs

Ravenous

Rushmore

Road Warrior

Rogue One

Reality Bites

Raider of the Lost Ark

Red Dragon

Robocop

Shooter

Sky High

Swingers

Sword in the Stone

Step Up 2

Spy Kids

Saving Private Ryan

Shape of Water

Swept Away

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back

Superbad

Society

Swordfish

Stoker

Splice

Silence of the Lambs

Source Code

Sicario

Se7en

Starship Troopers

Scrooged

Splash

Silver Bullet

Speed

The Visit

The Italian Job

The Mask of Zorro

True Lies

The Blair Witch Project

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Tangled

The Craft

The Guest

The Devil’s Advocate

The Graduate

The Prestige

The Rock

Titanic

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The Fly

Tombstone

The Mummy

The Guardian

The Goofy Movie

The Peanut Butter Solution

Toy Story 4

The Ring

The Crazies

The Mist

The Revenant

The Perfect Storm

The Shining

Terminator 2

The Truman Show

Temple of Doom

The Cell

To Kill a Mockingbird

Timeline

The Good Son

The Orphan

The Birdcage

The Green Mile

The Raid

The Cider House Rules

The Lighthouse

The Book of Henry

The A-Team

The Crow

The Terminal

Thor Ragnarok

Twister

The Descent

The Birds

Total Recall

The Natural

The Fifth Element

True Romance

Terminator: Dark Fate

The Hobbit Trilogy

Unforgiven

Unbreakable

Unleashed

Very Bad Things

Wayne’s World

What Women Want

War Dogs

Wedding Crashers

What’s Eating Gilbert Grape

Welcome to the Dollhouse

Welcome to Marwen

Wet Hot American Summer

What Lies Beneath

What Dreams May Come

War Games

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Weird Science

Willow

Wizard of Oz

Wanted

Young Sherlock Holmes

You’ve Got Mail

Zodiac

Zoolander

[mochminnie]

Lovin U Right

Based off Jungkook’s Single ‘Seven’. BTS and many more Kpop idols will appear in this series. This will have no usage of your name or (y/n). The Main Character/Reader will be Plus Sized and her name is Elizabeth ‘Lizzie’. Jungkook who is life of a party, a total himbo that tries for 7 days to show you how much he loves you. Who doesn’t just want to get in your pants, wanting more than that. Himbo clingy JK wants to be loved, who wants your attention. 

Setting: College Au

Tropes: Polar Opposites

Warning: Sexual Themes, Fat shaming, College Partying, This isn’t going to be based off of Korean College more like Americanize based through Pop Culture references, Himbo like behavior of BTS.

Check out the mood board https://www.tumblr.com/mochminnie/723830921903620096/what-if-jeon-jungkook-fall-in-love-with-a-plus?source=share&ref=mochminnie

Author’s Note: This is a fictional portrayal of Jungkook and other idols. I tend to see comments about Kai and Jennie when I wrote my Rose x reader story on wattpad. I know I am writing about celebrities and this is all honesty for fun. I will be writing about Taehyung and Jennie. This book don’t match the idol’s personality. I face claimed casted these people to create a story for fun and possibly for people to enjoy. Please check out my other JK Series ‘The Warlock and The Witch.

Playlist

'Seven' - Jungkook

‘I Got It’ - Thuy

'Supershy' - New Jeans

'Baby One More Time' - Britney Spears

'Fantasize' - Ariana Grande

'Euphoria' Jungkook

'Something New' - Zendaya and Chris Brown

'Left Right' - XG

'Wild Side' - Normani ft Cardi B

'34+35' - Ariana Grande

'Me & U' - Cassie

'Like Crazy' - Jimin

'New Dance' - XG

'Dance The Night Away' - Dua Lipa

'Cuff It Wetter remix' - Beyoncé

'No Problem' - Nayeon ft. Felix

‘Girls Like Me Don’t Cry’ - Thuy ft. Min

'Cool for the Summer' - Demi Lovato

'Something Real' - Summer Walker, Chris Brown, London On a Track

'Take You Down' - Chris Brown

'Hype boy' - New Jeans

'Wet The Bed' - Chris Brown

'Snooze' - SZA

'3D' - Jungkook ft. Jack Harlow

'Heart Attack' - Demi Lovato

'Check' - Girls Generation

'It's You' - MAX ft. Keshi

'Cherry' - Rina Sawayama

'You & I' - JRE

'If you Stay ' Joseph Vincent

'Somebody' - Kyungsoo (D.O.)

"Dear No One" - Tori Kelly

‘I Don’t Care’ - Jeremy Passion

‘Agora Hills’ - Doja Cat

‘Sweetest Pie’ - Dua Lipa

‘Kiss Me More’ - Doja Cat ft. SZA

‘I Know’ - RM & JK

‘Ditto’ - NEWJEANS

‘Partition’ - Beyoncé

‘Too Much’ - JK, the kid laroi, central fee

‘Perfect Night’ - Le Sserafim

‘Somebody’ - Jungkook

‘Yes Or No’ - Jungkook

'The Party & After Party' - The Weeknd

Chapter 1 

Maru lit up her cigarette up the balcony. The rest of the girls drinking soju and ordered take out tteokbokki, Korean hot dogs, and fried chicken, corn cheese. To celebrate, Their one year anniversary living together. Maru encourages Lizzie to go to the hottest parties and clubs in town. Not only that, their other roommates Jisoo, Jennie, Lisa, and Rose. Will try their best to get her out of the house. 

“Lizzie put down your iPad and stop reading WEBTOON.” Maru grabbed the iPad from her with one hand and the other with her cigarette smoking. 

Lizzie scoffed and yelled at Maru. “Hey, I was just starting a new story!” 

Lisa, “Maru just give her ipad back. Don’t get close to her because she has asthma.” 

Maru scoffs, “Please, It’s not like she hasn't smoked weed before.” 

Jennie, “That’s much better than cigarettes.” 

Jisoo heard the doorbell ring. “The food here!” Jisoo smiled and yelled out. Rose immediately got up with Jisoo to get the food. They prepare the food on the balcony. While the rest of the girls grabbed the plates, utensils, napkins and beverages. Maru Hiding the Ipad from Lizzie. Lizzie just gives up; she's now helping with the food. When it’s finally prepared. 

Jennie was the first to dig in. “You Know Maru can give your Ipad back if you go to the party with us.” 

Liz, “I’ll live in a moment! Maybe I’ll go. But can you give it back?” Maru gives it back then Lizzie puts it away in her room. So her and the girls play a game.  

Rosie wants to play the clueless party game then everyone else gets excited. Except Lisa doesn’t want to play. When Lisa thought that Rosie didn’t see her face scrunched up and mouthed no to the rest of the girls. “Think that I didn’t see you? I'll kill you.” Lisa got scared. Jisoo and Jennie laugh. 

Lizzie, “We will all play the clueless party game even if Lisa doesn’t want to join.” Rosie was excited again. Lisa rolls her eyes then Rosie pinches Lisa’s ears. Jennie and Jiso are trying to break them up. Lisa starts screaming. “Ow, that you bitch!” Lisa slaps Rosie. 

Rosie, “Ugh you slut!” Pushes her. 

Jennie stopped breaking the girls up and got the notification text on her phone from Taehyung. “We have all been invited to a party tonight!!! Oh would you look at that, You’re going Liz.” Jennie yelled.

Lizzie shakes her head no. “No, Just no. You girls know I don’t want to party.” All of the girls give her a look. “I mean I do party in small groups. My cousins, and family.”

Rosie, “Well this is different we’re all in our 20’s we should all go out, make out, sleep with anyone we want, we're all hot.” 

Jisoo then dances to, Girls Generation Party. “P-A-R-T-Y!!! Party time. It’s Party time!!!” 

“Come on Liz You gotta come!” Rosie

Lisa got excited. “You’re going to look hot tomorrow night! I don’t have to play the game!” Rosie glares at her. Lisa got scared a bit. 

“Let’s pick an outfit for her. She’s going to look hot hot” jisoo

Maru, blowing the cigarette in her direction.“She needs to get laid tomorrow night.” Saying calmly with a straight face.

Lizzie gives her a look. “How many gummies did you take again?” 

Maru, “2, 5. I don’t know.” Still smoking her cigarette. ‘How is this girl still going?’ Lizzie thought. After all the drinks, smoking and gummies???

“Come on Tae’s party can’t be that bad! Think about it, come on Liz. Tae is a nice guy. He’s making sure you will go.” Jennie says. 

Liz, “It’s not Tae and his friends I’m worried about.”

The girls wait for her answer. Jisoo asks, “Well? What do you say Lizzie?” But then Jisoo see the look in her eyes that somethings the matter. She didn’t ask her friend what was the matter. It seems she wasn’t too comfortable to share with the girls yet. 

Liz it’s not she’s feeling pressured. She was just worried about one of the boys that broke her heart. The worst way possible will be there… 

Cha Eun-woo.

Not only that Minnie might be there and her friends… Lizzie knows her friends will be there for her. 

Lizzie, “Okay I’ll go tonight and I have to go to this party. To face my fears. To live. You know YOLO!!!” She says the last sentence much awkwardly. 

Lisa raised her brow. “Liz Yolo?” Cringes. 

Jisoo, “YOLO!!!” She started dancing to Party again. Lizzie joins her then all of the girls join except for Maru because she was so high off of the gummies. “We can’t stop stop! It’s a party time!”  Jisoo sings. 

Rosie, “P-A-R-T-Y!!!” 

Liz, “It’s a party, We go rock rock! P-A-R-T-Y”

Jennie and Lisa joins. “Lemon soju, tequila for me, mojito for you

Let's go to Jeju, California!”

Rosie, “We got a party to head too! Come on, let's go get ready!” 

~ ~ ~

Jisoo Suggests a makeover! 

Lisa, “Lizzie already has a great sense of style and knows how to apply makeup. Don’t you think it’s problematic? She’s already gorgeous, young, and a hot mama.” 

Jennie, “It can be but it’s fun!!!” Jumping up and down and she grabs Lizzie’s to the bathroom first.

Lizzie, “Makeovers can be fun.” agreeing and smiling. 

Boy she didn’t know that the five girls are going to bathe her. Lizzie insists. “No, I got this, I can bathe myself. NO! MARU! JENNIE! LISA HELP!!!!” Calling out all of the girls names she got this. 

Lisa yelling at the girls, “SHE DOESN’T HELP WITH THE BATHING WHAT KIND OF MAKEOVER IS THIS???” She pushes the four girls away. 

 The girls make sure she gets her cooter cat, bussy clean and every nook and cranny is clean and that everything is moisturized. 

Lizzie wears contacts tonight. And prep her face before Maru works on her makeup. 

Rosie and Jennie going through her closet. Breaking down which outfit she is going to wear. 

Jisoo, “You should go for the siren seductive look!” Maru does her makeup. And Jisoo does her hair she decided to do voluminous curls. 

Lisa sprayed on some lux honey vanilla perfume. And the rest of the girls made sure one last time that everything was moisturized. 

Then Jennie presents Lizzie a black Prada bag. “Me and the girls got you a bag!” Jennie smiling showing off her gummy smile.

She puts Lizzie's phone and glasses and travel sized stuff for her contacts like case and solution and Maru puts condoms inside. Lizzie, "Jennie!" Groans, Giving her a really look. Looking at the couple of condoms that were given in her bag. "Thanks Jennie I'll be using all of these gladly." Sarcastically scoffs. “URGGGHH.” Rolling her eyes.

The final looks that Lizzie got a brown smokey eye with a cat eye liner and a burgundy lip. Her hair is down with curls. For her outfit. A black lace v neck with cutouts cami, black mini skirt with a slit, and black knee high boots. It’s not that she wasn’t comfortable wearing this, she usually wears these clothes. It’s just that she felt off if Eunwoo and Minnie and their friends saw her. Lizzie loves what the girls have done for her. Since she takes forever to get ready she takes about 2 hours and with the girls help it took about 45 mins to an hour. 

The rest of the girls also decided to wear black tonight for the party. That each of them go with their styles and personalities. The girls take selfies. 

~ ~ ~

Jungkook is getting ready with Jimin for Tae’s party. 

Jungkook sighs. Jimin asks him what’s the matter. Jungkook finishes off with his leather jacket while looking at the mirror. Wearing all black. “I’m just hoping that one girl will stay the next morning. Who just doesn’t leave me”  Then, applying some cologne. 

Jimin questions, “If she stays the next morning you’d think she’ll be the one you’re looking for.” 

Jungkook is still a little sad.  “I’m not sure, all I want is to find a girl that I can continue to date. Someone I can get to know. Who just doesn’t see me as a pretty face, more than my talents and more than a one night stand.” 

Tae then walks in the room. “Hey buddy, why so glump.” Giving Jungkook a side hug. Still being happy go lucky. 

Jimin says, “He wants to find a girl in a committed relationship.” 

Tae then messes up his hair. “You’ll find a lucky girl tonight I just know it.” Gets a notification from Jennie. 

Tae smiles from Jennie’s Text.

Me and all of the girls are going to the party tonight! Including Lizzie!

Taglist:

@mred435 @yourchubbychocogirl27

[pinesource]

Chris Pine stars as Edgin, a former Harper, who gave up his peacekeeping ways for a life of thieving after his wife was murdered by the Red Wizards. He is imprisoned for trying to get the Tablet of Reawakening in order to bring back his wife, leaving his daughter Kira behind for two years. Edgin spends the rest of the movie trying to be a better father to Kira and make up for lost time while still in pursuit of the Tablet so that he can bring back her mother, who was killed when she was a baby.

Pine pulls this off flawlessly with his inherent charm that gets the audience on his side from moment one, which would be difficult for most actors being that he’s playing a thief. Pine is so charismatic and is powerfully committed not only to the source material that is being played off of but to the comedy as well. Though this is not the first time we’ve seen him this committed to comedy, as he was Eric, the eccentric loner, in the hilarious Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp the prequel to the original movie.

[survey--s]

543.

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? No.

Have you ever had to give someone directions before? Sure, loads of times. I lived in a tourist village for ages and people were constantly asking how to get to various places, lol.

Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? I’m better at following road signs than reading a map.

How many people do you text daily? Maybe 2-3 people, but that includes text, WhatsApp and Messenger.

Do you have an iPod or an MP3 player? Which brand? I use my iPhone for music.

What was your favorite television show as a child? Arthur, Barney, Smurfs, Teletubbies.

Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play? Not anymore, but I used to have piano, recorder, cornet and guitar lessons.

Is there anyone who you call by their last name? Not anymore.

What did you do on your last birthday? It snowed pretty badly - I had a couple of cat visits to do and we got takeaway but otherwise that was it.

Which of the Seven Deadly Sins do you commit the most? Sloth, for sure.

Has anyone ever told you that you're incapable of whispering? Yeah, definitely. 

What is your least favorite subject in school? I always hated maths.

Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? No.

Do you know a couple who constantly sucks on each other's face? Bleugh, no, thankfully not.

Who was the best kisser you've ever dated? My husband or Joshua.

When was the last time you watched a YouTube video? Yesterday. I watch quite a few TV series on there that I can’t find anywhere else.

Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? No, just toddlers and up.

How many times a week do you usually see the person you love? We’re married and live together, so everyday, multiple times a day lol.

When was the last time you held someone's hand? I have no idea, I’m not a fan of hand-holding really.

How many meals have you eaten today, so far? Two - cereal for breakfast and a jacket potato for lunch.

Do you think it's stupid for people to call others "hot?" No.

Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source? It can be if you check all the references properly.

Are you someone who listens to more girl or guy bands? A pretty even mixture of both.

Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it? We don’t have that store here.

Do you care about spending money if it's someone else's money? I’m definitely more cautious if I know someone else is picking up the bill.

What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? The original Alice in Wonderland. 

When you were a child, did you ever want to become a wizard/witch? No.

What are the color of your walls? Do you want to repaint? The walls in this room are red and grey, the kitchen is cream, the bathroom yellow, the spare room is green and the bedroom is pale purple. Our bedroom, bathroom and kitchen all need repainting at some point.

Would you rather have hardwood floors or carpet? I love the look of hardwood + rugs but living where we do, carpets make much more sense as it gets so cold in winter.

Do you have any siblings you neglect you? I don’t have siblings.

Who would you say is the most selfish person you know? No-one in particular is coming to mind right now.

Who was the last person you yelled at? Why? The dog for eating cat shit lol.

As a kid, did you ever go to camp? Yeah, I had to go to day camp most summers and I absolutely hated it.

What were the last three movies you watched in theaters? I haven’t been to the cinema for years lol. The last film I saw was Cats but I can’t remember the ones I saw before then.

Have you ever made out in a movie theater before? Sure, loads of times.

Are you currently trying to learn to play any instrument? Nope.

Do you believe in ghosts, spirits or demons? I don’t believe or disbelieve in them.

When was the last time you went somewhere you thought was haunted? Never.

What is your favorite breakfast meal? Poached eggs on sourdough toast with avocado and bacon OR American-style pancakes with butter, maple syrup, bacon and blueberries.

What does the lead singer of your favorite band look like? Dead, lol.

Who was the last person to compliment you? I can’t remember, Suzy maybe?

How old were you when you got to go on your first date? Fourteen.

Would you call your parents over-protective or under-protective? My dad was definitely over-protective, my mum got the balance about right.

Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Sure. I remember our local garden centre had one of those for some reason and my dad used to take me there on rainy weekends a lot.

What is the best movie you've seen in the last five years? I honestly couldn’t pick just one.

Has anyone ever called you a good kisser before? Sure.

Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? No siblings.

Are you the jealous type? Everytime I’ve experienced jealousy it’s been for a valid reason.

Does life ever seem overly ironic to you? Ha, definitely feels that way sometimes.

When was the last time you felt like you were high on life? I honestly don’t know.

Do you know someone who cares about themselves more than their child? Yep, lots of shitty parents out there unfortunately.

Do you still watch cartoons on television? I watch The Simpsons but I don’t really watch any kids cartoons.

What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? The nearest Taco Bell is hours away - I’ve never been.

Is there anyone currently annoying you? Just how humid it is. It’s giving me a headache.

What's your favorite hairstyle you've had so far? Meh, my hair doesn’t really do decent hairstyles lol.

Do you have freckles? I have a few on my nose and cheeks, but they’re not very noticeable.

How many dogs do you have, if any at all? One.

Have you ever witnessed someone being beaten up? Yes.

Do you think biting is weird or sexy? I mean, it depends on the circumstances.

Would you rather be called hot or beautiful? Beautiful.

[yellowvoidling]

Some others I really like (US American):

By the skin of my teeth: Just barely managed ("I passed that exam by the skin of my teeth")

It's no skin off my nose: If this goes wrong, it doesn't actually matter to me (often said to someone you're giving advice to when you're tired of giving them advice)

If it was a snake it would've bit me: The thing I was looking for is in fact extremely close by

Dog days of summer: the middle of summer when it's too hot to think/do anything

Fuck me running: exasperation/disbelief (negative)

Christ on a bike/Christ on a cracker: surprise/disbelief/exasperation (negative)

Don't be such a wet blanket: similar to "raining on someone's parade" -> don't be so negative. by being a wet blanket, you can rain on someone's parade

He got his just desserts: the well-deserved consequences of being a jerk or doing something bad

Can't have your cake and eat it too: wanting two mutually exclusive things

Cold as a well-digger's ass/as a witch's tit: Very cold

Have a nice trip, see you next fall: Literally just a pun based on the words "trip" and "fall." Usually said when someone's just stumbled

I just ate shit: I tripped and fell on my face

He/she is having kittens: To be wildly impatient/anxious

scared shitless: very scared

Pissing like a racehorse: to pee a lot (why there's a whole idiom about this I don't know)

Need to see a man about a horse: a way to excuse yourself to go use the bathroom

A snake in the grass: something that's dangerous, already there, and difficult to detect

A needle in a haystack: Very difficult to find

Thin-skinned: Very sensitive to criticism

Until the cows come home: all night long

Bumfuck Nowhere/Out in the sticks/the middle of nowhere/the boonies: There are endless variations on this, but these all mean someplace obscure and very rural

Take it with a grain of salt: The accuracy of the information is in potentially in question due to its source ("Bob says these are the best mechanics in town, but take that with a grain of salt, his uncle owns the garage")

Like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs: understandably on-edge

Like a bull in a china shop: out of control/causing chaos

Like a kid in a candy shop: someone in a place that's precisely tailored to their interests, who is exhibiting delight

Don't piss on my face and tell me it's raining: don't lie to me about the fact that you're screwing me over

A few cards short of a deck: Not terribly bright

He's got a few screws loose: unpredictable/mentally unstable

Sweating like a sinner on Sunday/sweating like a whore in church: Very sweaty. Not always related to being uneasy, just very sweaty

He thinks his shit's made of gold/like his shit don't stink: Self-deluding/self-aggrandizing to the point of thinking even his shit has value (basically Elon Musk)

She thinks he hung the moon: fully overwhelmed/blinded by love for someone, to the point of not being able to see that person's flaws

She thinks the sun shines out his ass: Like a combination of the last two, but without the romantic overtones of "hung the moon") and always directed at someone else (unlike "he thinks his shit's made of gold"). Often said about parents whose kids are absolute terrors and they seem completely oblivious to it.

She's got him wrapped around her finger: He'll do anything she says. Weirdly, "her" in this idiom can refer to either a romantic partner or a little kid, but always refers to a man being influenced easily by a woman (or girl). Usually sappy overtones. Like if a dad is completely spoiling his five year old daughter.

More fun than a barrel full of monkeys: there was a toy based on this, but I'm pretty sure the idiom came first. This phrase is sarcastic, no one actually wants a barrel full of monkeys.

Like shooting fish in a barrel: Incredibly easy, to the point of being shamefully unsportsmanlike and unfair

Tap her light: Take it easy/slow down a bit and go on your way carefully

If it quacks like a duck: Stop overthinking it; it's probably exactly what it seems to be

Call a spade a spade: To speak plainly

A mess of (food): when cooked, enough to share

Butter wouldn't melt in his/her mouth: someone's lying but they're behaving in a way that seems very innocent, so you'd never know it

Lying through his/her teeth: Lying particularly brazenly and/or desperately

Could sell light switches to the Amish: Such a good salesman that they can sell people things they don't need

Like a fish out of water: Bewildered by your surroundings

Useless as tits on a bull: Can be used disparagingly ("Bob and all his friends were standing around while we tried to jump the car, useless as tits on a bull") or to express frustration with feeling helpless ("Lisa's going into labor, meanwhile I'm useless as tits on a bull because I'm halfway across the state")

A month of Sundays: A long time (technically it would be about thirty weeks)

Splitting hairs: Pedantic attention to detail

A recipe for disaster: Has all the hallmarks of a bad idea

Give as good as you get: To match intensity with your opponent (in a fight or argument)

Hold your own: Very similar to "give as good as you get" but can be used in non-combative scenarios as well (Lisa went into one of the most competitive medical fields, but she's holding her own)

You kiss your mother with that mouth?: An admonition to stop swearing/using vulgar language

Six ways to Sunday: Very thoroughly ("She swindled them six ways to Sunday" "She checked my paperwork over six ways to Sunday")

Shat the bed: Messed up in a completely unrecoverable way, expresses disgusted frustration ("my computer shat the bed and deleted all my files")

Dropped the ball: Messed up in a way that let other people down, usually through inaction ("Tommy dropped the ball on those accounts and now we need to find new clients")

As someone who learnt english as a second language via textbook, I have to say "flying by the seat of my pants" is a hilarious idiom xD

It's the first time I've seen/heard it.

Could you share another one you like using?

Idk about idioms specifically, but there's a bunch of phrases I learned from my mom!

Lord love a duck! (Incredulous, like 'oh my god')

Lord suffer in sheep dip! (Sheep dip meaning sheep poop. Incredulous, but for annoying things- like 'are you kidding me?')

Is there a piano tied to your ass? ('Don't be lazy, do it yourself')

Someone's cruising for a bruising. (You're picking a fight.)

I don't give a rat's rip. ('I don't care'- a rat's 'rip' is it's butt crack.)

Pull up a stump! (Get yourself a chair, sit down.)

Everybody out of the pool! (Get out of the car)

I'm flying by the seat of my pants. (I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it.)

Don't go blowing smoke up my ass. (Don't over-compliment me, don't flatter me, don't stroke my ego, don't tell me positive lies)

Looks like it's gonna rain on our parade. (A storm is coming.)

Sorry to rain on your parade. (I've given you bad news- can be used sincerely or sarcastically to denote sympathy for incurring a bad mood.)

Better button that lip. (Stop talking.)

Someone's gonna stick a boot up your ass. ('Stick a boot up your ass'- fight you, beat you, kick your ass.)

Stick that lip out any further, and a pigeon'll shit on it. (Stop whining.)

Suck it up, buttercup. (Stop whining.)

Dumber than a fence post. (Very stupid.)

The back forty. (The wild or forested area behind a rural home. The 'forty' being forty acres, or farmland.)

Don't go begging for a fat lip. (Whatever you're saying or doing is going to bother people and get you in trouble.)

What on God's green earth (What the fuck)

I'm sweating like a pig in a porta-potty (like a pig in a plastic outhouse- I'm very warm, it's hot here)

He thinks the universe flew out of his ass. (He thinks he's more impressive than he is.)

Your mouth wrote a cheque your ass couldn't cash. (You promised more than you were capable of providing.)

You've got a horseshoe up your ass. (You're very, very lucky.)

Taking a dirt nap. (Dead.)

Pushing (up) daisies. (Dead.)

Give me forty acres to turn this rig around. (I need time and space to move this large, heavy, or unwieldy thing. Usually about navigating a vehicle. Taken from a song lyric.)

Jesus take the wheel. (God help me, I can't handle this, I give up.)

Gone belly-up. (Has died.)

We've got a floater. (This one is dead.)

Herding cats. (Trying to organize chaos, managing an impossibly complicated situation.)

I've got a black thumb. (I am bad at growing plants, all my plants die- reference to having a 'green thumb', or being good at growing plants.)

Stop trackin' floor cookies. (Floor cookies are bits of animal shit that fall off your work boots- 'tracking floor cookies' means wearing your boots in the house; take your shoes off at the door.)

Running around like a headless chicken. (Frantic, disorganized, stressed out by many tasks or panicked by a big situation.)

Spinning my wheels. (Waiting around for something to happen, getting nowhere, frustrated by inactivity, not making any progress towards a goal.)

He's gonna blow a gasket. (He's going to lose his temper, he's going to be angry.)

They'll tan your hide. (They'll punish you severely; usually through violence. Specifically in reference to a spanking.)

He's a few bricks short a load. (He's not clever / he doesn't think things through / he's crazy)

Not the sharpest tool in the shed. (Not the smartest person. Very dumb, clumsy, or absent-minded.)

I'm not going to bail you out. (Not going to save your sinking boat- not going to help you out of your bad situation.)

Looks like things are going south. (The situation is growing worse.)

I'll start making tracks. (I'll leave now, I'll start working, I'll get going.)

He's fucking the dog. (He's not being productive, he's doing a bad job, he's made things worse, he's screwing around.)

He's making puppies. (Less graphic version of 'fucking the dog'.)

Plant your ass. (Sit.)

Playing grab-ass. (Procrastinating- accomplishing nothing, slowing people down.)

He couldn't find his ass in the dark. (He's stupid, ineffective, underqualified, or incompetent.)

He couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel. (He is unbelievably, comically dumb or ineffective. He can't do anything right.)

One foot in the ground. (Dying, or half-dead.)

I'm kicking rocks. (I'm not doing anything productive.)

I'm hauling ass. (I'm running away.)

Madder than a wet hen. (Very, very angry.)

Like I said I'm not sure that these are all idioms but they're all the phrases and sayings from my childhood that I can remember right now

EDIT: Cannot BELIEVE I forgot my mom's favourite

52. Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which gets filled first. (Wishes don't come true by themselves)

Plus some more I forgot:

53. You make a better door than a window. (You're in the way of my view.)

54. You can take a long walk off a short pier. (Go fuck yourself.)

55. He's about as sharp as a bowling ball. (He's stupid.)

56. Scoot your poot. (Move over.)

57. Not my first rodeo. (I know what I'm doing.)

58. He's built like a brick shithouse. (He's broad and sturdy and very strong, solid.)

59. I smell bacon. (I saw a cop nearby.)

60. I don't want to hear a peep. (Stop talking.)

61. You're thinking with the wrong head. (You're making bad decisions because you're horny.)

62. I'd lose my ass/head if it wasn't tied on. (I'm very absent-minded, forgetful.)

63. That went down like a lead balloon. (That situation was bad.)

[incorrectpsychonautsquotes]

"These people are my friends. I’ve known them for twelve hours."

Razputin Aquato

[toomanyincorrectquotes]

Chandler: whatcha doing?

Phoebe: writing in my gournal. i write my thoughts in it every day

Chandler: oh, you mean a journal?

Phoebe: yeah, whatever. i guess i’m not all smart like you

[incorrect-jojo-quotes]

These people are my friends. I’ve known them for twelve hours.

Josuke Higashikata

[pinkandgreenarepurpleandyellow]

“These people are my friends. I’ve known them for twelve hours.”

- Jyugo when asked about his affiliation with the rest of Cell 13

[simmiev137]

*Talking about the hamilsquad*

Hamilton: These people are my friends

Hamilton: I've known them for twelve hours

[incorrectcaves]

Quote: These people are my friends.

Quote: I’ve known them for twelve hours.

[incorrecthappyhavoc]

These people are my friends. I’ve known them for twelve hours.

Makoto Naegi

[incorrect-great-pretender]

These people are my friends. I’ve known them for 12 hours.

Edamura, probably