#source: Robot Chicken

[incorrect-losers]

Bev: Fire is my only weakness

Stan: Yeah. Fire is everyone's weakness. It's fucking fire

[cherr1-s0da]

*strade opens the door while very drunkenly making out with MC*

Strade (slurring):ok...this..this is my roon..now-now *hic*...t-take your clothes off...

MC:...why-why iz your room...filled with sick children??

*he looks around...this isn't his house this is a hospital for children with cancer*

Strade:...ohhhhh this isn't...this isn't my house...uh we-we can um...i forget

MC:no...i-im just gonna go home..this is weird

*they just stumble out trying to figure out how to walk as he watches them leave*

Strade:no...b-baby please!...ah shit..

Child with cancer:*coughs*

Strade:...what did you say about my mother?

*and then he passed out*

[getting-spooky-on-a-friday-night]

Lila: Hey, Jaune. Jaune: punches Lila in the stomach Lila: GUH-!!!! aUGH-- Jaune: huff... Lila: What the FUCK? Jaune: You are one of my very best friends. And I cannot stand by and watch you throw away your life like this. You're too young….YOU'RE TOO BEAUTIFUL! Lila, voice trembling: What the fffuck are you talking about? Jaune: I'm talking about the baby that's growing inside of your belly right now. Lila: Lila: I'M NOT PREGNANT!? Jaune: Well, tch, not after that punch you're not, heh! I've been taking muay thai classes. :> Lila: Lila: I was never pregnant, Jaune. Jaune: Jaune: Are Jaune: Jaune: Are you sure? Lila: YES I'M FUCKING SURE. Aaron: I'm sorry, but why the fuck is everybody yelling over here? Jaune: Oh, I found this positive pregnancy test and— Aaron: punches Lila in the stomach Lila: AAGuhgUG- MOTHERFU--

[terrorquotestm]

Bridgens: What are you doing on Erebus!? 

Peglar: I came to say hi. 

Bridgens: Hi!

Peglar: And also to have sex after the whole ‘hi’ thing. 

[incorrectcomicbookquotes]

Incorrect Manga Quotes 34

(At the World Government Marine HQ)

Koby: (walks in)

Garp: What is it, Koby?

Koby: Uh, first of all; good morning, Vice Admiral Garp. (salutes) Second; uh, I left like half a sandwich in the staff refrigerator which clearly had my name on it and... now it's gone.

Garp: (shrugs) Well, that happens.

Koby: Y-yeah, I know it happens. But this is, like, the third time in a week. So...

Helmeppo: Are you accusing the Vice Admiral of stealing your sandwich?!

Koby: No, no, no, no, no! I-I'm not accusing anybody! It's just... I know only the three of us use that refrigerator and... well, heh, I didn't steal my own sandwich.

Garp: Then, clearly, Helmeppo took it.

Helmeppo: Vice Admiral! Respectfully, I did not steal the sandwich!

Garp: Then, by process of elimination, you're saying I took the sandwich?

Helmeppo: Uuuuuh, well... it was either you or me and... I know it wasn't me-

Garp: Koby, be honest; which one of us was most likely to have stolen your sandwich?

Koby: Uh, well, let me-hm...

Helmeppo: Er, keep in mind; only one of us hit his own grandson.

Garp: Yes! Exactly!

Helmeppo: What do you mean "yes, exactly"?!

Garp: I hit my own grandson! Clearly, I'm a good person, right?!

Helmeppo: I need to tread really... carefully...

Garp: Should I have not hit my grandson?

Helmeppo: You absolutely should have!

Garp: Hitting your grandson is good! Which makes me a good person! So I wouldn't steal a sandwich!

Helmeppo: Again, I really, really want to think about my choice of words here.

Garp: Koby, what do you think? Am I a good person?

Koby: Uh, heh-heh, I mean, "good" and "evil"... it's all relative, really.

Helmeppo: Pussy.

Koby: Well, uh, historically speaking, hitting people... is bad.

Garp: Not always!

Koby: No, no, no, no, no, no! Just - just in a general, broad-stroke kind of way, y'know-?

Garp: What about hitting turkeys, hm? Hitting them to kill them?! Is that wrong?! Did you think about that when you were making your turkey sandwich?! Does making a turkey sandwich make you a bad person?!

Koby: ... I never said it was a turkey sandwich.

Garp: (trembling) I... I... I admit it. I took your sandwich, Koby. Therefore, I am a bad person! Therefore, a bad person hit his own grandson! Oh, what have I done?!

Koby: (smiles) Vice Admiral... only a bad person would hit his own grandson... but only a good person would feel bad about it!

Garp: (in tears)Thank you, Koby!

Helmeppo: Awww! Are we bringing it in?!

Garp: Oh, we're bringing it in!

Koby, Garp, & Helmeppo: (hug it out)

[traveleroffarawayplaces]

Hylia opens her mouth to speak: I-

Legend: Oh. You’ve come to see me? Well let me give you a tour before you say another word. This here is my wall of my given fuchs. As you can see, it’s pretty empty. Ooh! What’s that? That person seems to be selling fucks. Too bad I seem to be all out of cash! And this dispensing thing- too seems to be selling fucks. Still don’t have any cash though!

[shit-the-vampyr-cast-never-said]

Lord Redgrave: Fire is my only weakness

Geoffrey: Yeah. Fire is everyone's weakness. It's fucking fire

[incorrectmlpstudentsixquotes]

(Terri Belle taking the escalator in Thrace…)

Thracian Soldier #1: (passing by Terri on the opposite escalator, saluting Terri) General.

Terri Belle: (saluting back) Soldier.

Thracian Soldier #2: General.

Terri Belle: Soldier.

Thracian Soldier #3: General.

Terri Belle: Soldier.

Thracian Soldier #4: General.

Terri Belle: Yep…

Thracian Soldier #5: General.

Terri Belle: Uh-huh…

Thracian Soldier #6: General.

Terri Belle: Yo.

Thracian Soldier #7: General.

Terri Belle: (sigh) Soldier…

Thracian Soldier #8: General.

Terri Belle: Soldier… Soldier… Soldier! Soldia-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah!!

Thracian Soldier #9: … General.

Terri Belle: Go fuck yourself…

Thracian Soldier #10: General.

Terri Belle: Go fuck yourself.

Thracian Soldier #11: General.

Terri Belle: Go fuck yourself!

Thracian Soldier #12: General.

Terri Belle: GO FUCK YOURSELF!!

Thracian Soldier #12: Aww…

(………..)

Thracian Soldier #Q: WAZAAAAAP?!

Terri Belle: … (long, tired sigh)

[incorrectmarketofmonstersquotes]

(Kovit wakes up locked in the cage.) Kovit: Uh-oh.   --- Stage One: Denial   Kovit: It's no big deal. Maybe someone will come let me out. I'm gonna have a good laugh about this tonight.    --- Stage Two: Anger

Kovit: Well, this is just *bleep*ing perfect!! Stupid cage! Stupid Death Market! Ah! I wanna bite someone in the face! Mother*bleep*er!!!!! Mother*bleep*er!!!!!! Mother*bleep*!!!!!!! Ahh! *Bleep*!!! --- Stage Three: Bargaining

Kovit: If there's anyone up there... It's me, Kovit. Listen could you just give me a mulligan on this one thing? I'll stop torturing people!...for a day! --- Stage Four: Depression  

Kovit: (crying) MOMMY!!   --- Stage Five: Acceptance

Kovit: You know somethin'? I'm cool with this. I-I bet, I bet the afterlife has all the Pet Crossing I can play and everyone gets their own Slurpee machine. Yeah! Take me sweet death! I await your loving embrace!  (Nita comes in) Nita: Kovit: Kovit: Oh hi 

[incorrectlooneytunesquotes]

Queen Tyr'ahnee: Everyone just sort of lost interest. I think as you get older, ruling the galaxy just seems like too much trouble. Duck Dodgers: Am I done yet? Commander X2: You'll know, Dodgers, you'll know.

[yoursghouly]

x

[cyber-scribe]

This poster came from the idea that, since lots sfm fnaf animations usually use scout as the night guard, wouldn't stuffing him into his robot counterpart make more visual sense? So I decided to make some art around the idea, with the animatronics successfully stuffing scout into a suit, but he realizes that it ain't all that bad.

Credits: 

Fnaf animatronics by Splinks https://steamcommunity.com/id/splinks

Enhanced tf2 mvm bots by NeoDement https://steamcommunity.com/id/neodement

P.S: All these sfm posts I am making, excluding the Comedy Gold Remake, are old posters I am brining over from my DeviantArt.

[terrorquotestm]

Franklin: So, tell me, Sargeant Tozer, how do you plan on putting down this creature everyone’s talking about?

Tozer: By shooting it with guns! That’s how I solve all my problems.

[spin-in-time]

If you prefer the newer seasons of ninjago over the older seasons (pilot-s5/s7) we are fundamentally different people

[jennifer-jeong]

Fluff + Angst | Boothill x GN!Reader Homecoming

SUMMARY He thought he lost everything, but you were always here, waiting for him to come home

CONTENT Angst to fluff, happy ending implied basically, mentions of past traumas, ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+

AUTHOUR NOTES Just read Boothill’s character stories… I am unwell… So I wrote this LMAOO enjoyyy GUH I just started playing the game but alas the hyperfixation is already here Also, Boothill, please actually come home please I have soft pity soon

WORD COUNT: 921

Boothill was visiting the Aeragan-Epharshel reserves, seeing what was left of his tribe, his distant family, and because honestly it was just one of those times where he was really missing home. It just hurt because home no longer existed for him. The memories still pop up sometimes. How he searched the entire burnt house for anyone, anything to rescue. It was years ago, but still haunts him, it always will. So that’s why he’s here. Just visiting because why not. No one quite knew him here, but it felt fairly cozy. The few buildings around the area were lively with families and they had farmland and livestock like he always did when he was younger. The sun was setting, lighting everything in golden and orange hues. He enjoyed the warmth on his skin, well, the skin on his face at least. A few of the townsfolk offered him some food since he was just passing by and because the town was so small, everyone knew when there was an unfamiliar face. They also wanted to help him because he helped where he could during the day, just helping people lift and move things, even catching a loose chicken. It was actually pretty nice and for the first time in a while, he smiled, just genuinely enjoying life, watching the sunset, sitting on a bench, eating his food.

It was peaceful and the warm breeze tousled his hair and brushed his face. But he also heard something insane, the name he hadn’t heard in years. It felt like it wasn’t even his name anymore but rather from a previous life in a different body. Worst or maybe best of all, it was your voice.

His eyes were blown wide, mechanical heart somehow racing. Was the robot body driving him insane? The doctor was pretty shady honestly, he wouldn’t have been surprised if she fudged his brain up too.

But still, curiosity made him look around for the source of the voice, even if it didn’t exist.

You watched him look around before shifting on the bench to fully turn to see you. Both your hands were hovering over your mouth, eyebrows upturned as your eyes couldn’t believe it.

When he turned, his eyes locked on your figure. Maybe you were just a hallucination, but hallucinations don’t age, don’t get more mature or taller. You look the same but different, and maybe that was enough evidence for him to believe he wasn’t psychotic.

He stood up slowly, taking careful steps towards you as your hands shook, adrenaline pumping through your body. It felt like it took hours for him to close the few meters between you but once you saw his eyes, you knew. It was him.

“Lord… It really is you,” you breathed out as you reached out slowly, not wanting to spook him but also barely believing that he was actually there. Your hands slowly cupped his face and he forgot how warm things like this felt. Tears pricked at his eyes. At this point he didn’t care if this was a hallucination or not, he just wanted to indulge himself for once. Just believe that he didn’t lose everything. That maybe he could still have you, one of his only friends outside of his family that he had while growing up. His first love that he never had enough time with, not even enough time to confess.

It was almost cruel how you felt the same and how much your heart ached upon seeing his teary eyes, frozen in disbelief, staring into yours. You brushed your thumbs over his cheeks trying to comfort him and show him you really were here.

He started to question himself. Why did he never check out the towns whenever he came back to investigate the IPC on Aeragan-Epharshel? Your house had been destroyed but he never confirmed your corpses, only those of his own family. It was too much, he just assumed the worst at the time.

But now here you are, tears streaming down your face, looking as beautiful as the day he first laid eyes on you.

“Darlin’… what happened to ya fer all these years?” You asked, questioning where he had been but also what happened to his body. You closed your eyes as your eyebrows scrunched together, unable to control your emotions and crying at this point. You quickly pulled him into a hug, arms wrapped around his neck. Reflexively, his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you in tight. Your chests flush against each other.

God how he wished he wasn’t cold metal right now. He wanted to feel you with his own skin, feel your warmth, how soft you were. But he could only barely make it out with the sensors on his body. Maybe he could get some upgrades? Link some more things to his brain?

He quickly snapped himself out of his own thoughts to finally respond to you. You shivered hearing his voice again.

“It don’t matter now sweetheart. All that matters is that I’m home,” he said slowly and shaky. You squeezed him harder as you started to sob into his shoulder. It made his own tears fall as he started to stroke your back.

“I thought I’d never see ya again,” you choked out.

“Same here darlin’,” he said, voice cracking.

“I’ll tell ya all about it, and ya tell me about yerself too,” he says between breathes, his throat closing from needing to cry. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere this time…

promise.”

|| MASTERLIST ♡ || Thank you for reading! ||

[pure-oddity]

Fast foodies know the deal

Ghost x reader

(not proof read, this is just fluff straight from the source

Warnings: none, ovulation mention maybe? Its brought up a single time.)

The craving hits around 3 in the morning, it's ovulation week so the idea of not getting chicken nuggets from the drive through makes you want to cry.

You turn towards the sleeping lug beside you. He's on his back, breaths deep and even. Still as a grave but at your movement he takes the arm you had been using as a pillow to drag you further into his side.

Your Simon, took you forever just to get the man to admit he did more than tolerate you. even longer to admit he cared for you. It took you almost using his toothbrush to realize that the man might actually (gasp) like you. That one you didn't push, figured he'd come to terms with it on his own.

As you look at how peaceful he seems you try to fight the urge, you really do, but as you prop yourself up on your elbows and move closer to Simon's ear you resign to begging his forgiveness later.

"Simon, my baby? You sleeping?"

You wouldn't have known he was a awake had it not been for the lone eye opening to check on you

"Was, love. I was. Whats wrong, bad dream? Y' Can turn on the telly to that duck cartoon or the robots - won't bother me none." He rubs a comforting hand up and down your back, he's being so sweet you really do start to feel bad.

"I want chicken nuggets."

Silence.

Both eyes are open now.

The silence continues.

You smile sheepishly.

Wordlessly simon extracts his arm and turns so his back is to you.

"Nnooooooo! Simon pleeeaase. Pretty please? I want chicken nuggets so bad!"

"Go ahead. keys are on the rack, tanks full."

"Nooo you have to take me! come on baby please, for me?"

"My love. Sunshine. Light of my life. If you're hungry i made a perfecly good roast last night. Heat that up and let a man rest."

"I dont want a perfectly good roast! I want chicken nuggets. And a burger. And fries - oh maybe a shake?" You lean over him, hair purposely hung over into his face. He turns quickly and you're nose to nose

"So youre gonna have me get up at 3 fucking a.m. to get you a greasey, artey clogging, cholesterol raising gastrointestinal disaster of a meal - when we have a perfectly good home made dinner in the fridge."

"....please?"

Silence.

A deep suffering sigh.

An ecstatic squee

"Just get your fuckin shoes on"

------

You lean back over into the passenger seat, simon grumpy faced as you insisted that you should be the one to order.

You pat your thighs in glee as he pulls up to the window, gives you a dirty look , and hands the cashier his card.

The second window delivers your meal and drink quickly, you dig in like a starved animal. You're mid chew when he gives a grunt. A snooty sounding eh hem.

You grin and giggle, slowly airplaning him a nugget.

"Give me the chicken or i'll take the whole box"

You squeak and shove it to his lips quickly. His jaws snap around the nugget and it's gone within a single bite - you retract your fingers, still intact but wet with spit.

You give an 'eeeech' and look for somewhere to wipe your hand.

"Any of this ends up in or on my interior and it'll be your arse."

You roll your eyes and reach in the bag for a napkin, knocking the fries over in the process.

Silence.

The car drifts slowly to the left and is parked along the side of the road.

Not a word spoken.

You try to shove as many back into the carton as possible.

He stares at you.

You smile sweetly at him before leaning over the center console and kissing him. You meet his lips, they're stretched into a dangerous grin.

"Love" kiss "did you" kiss "spill salt" kiss "in my truck?"

You might not know a lot, but you know that voice means you're in trouble, which means it's distraction time.

You continue your sweet onslaught of kisses.

"Thank you for taking me baby, I love you so much. ", another smooch

is delivered.

"Youre my person, my favorite guy, love of my life."

He bites at your lip and you barely manage to slip it from his teeth

"Wanna spend the rest of my life with you, grow old with you"

He grips the back of your head and maneuvers your ear to his mouth, in a deep rumble he asks

"Are there fries on my floor, love?"

The dangerous smile still present.

"No of course not baby! i cleaned those up."

"So my truck is fry free?"

"Well - no didn't say that. there's a, a few under the seat"

He's grappling you into his lap now, the man looks a hint deranged.

"And why, my love, are you telling me about them instead getting them?"

he presses.

"'Cause I - hehe - I can't reach!" You giggle out as his hands slink towards your sides.

He pokes and prods at you, growling not unlike a bear while you squeal and squeak out little laughs.

"Gets a man up at ass o'clock-"

"Oh please, you get up early anyway!"

"makes him drive to get congealed grease-"

"you had a nugget too!"

"Then trashes his truck."

"Oh please it's like a handful of fries, I'll get them, i'll get them!"

He frees you with a huff and you dive back over to your side of the car. You pop open your door and hop outside to get a better angle at the underside of the seat. He gets impatient as you fish around for the last few fries, giving a little hurrah as the last one is snatched.

Clambering back into the truck you grin at him, happy as can be. He hums a short laugh, and you're off to home again.

He makes a beeline for the bedroom and you trot over to the counter to finish your meal, most of it having been shared and eaten in the truck. You sit back a moment to enjoy the feeling of fullness when you see Simon emerge again.

"Bed. Now. Kept me up long enough" he's already on you before you can think of a reply, slung over his shoulder. He makes quick work of getting you both situated in your proper spots.

You're snuggled into his side for the night, full and content. He breathes in deep and exhales slowly. you draw nonsensical patterns on his bare chest, playing with the hair there. As sleep overtakes you, your palm flattens over the spot where his heart resides; and you feel him relax just a smidgen more.