#sosoftithurts

[jacaldwellphoto]

5.13.16 @rhodanthe.online in my bathtub dripping. today i’ve got therapy, i feel like i’m doing alright. i feel things i am not numb or broken i am allowing myself both the good and the bad as far as my emotional experiences go. i wonder where my therapist will see me in all of this. i know she believes i was not blind sided i know she knows how practical and thought out i am when given the chance to examine think evaluate. the initial chaos shock and mania has settled down. i am getting sleep. i am eating things (generally) that nourish me. i am continuing to stay engaged and right here and present. i am not the cat in the bag waiting to drown i sing about at karaoke every chance i get but i understand the metaphor and it felt very appropriate for a while but a little less with every passing moment. a more appropriate metaphor would be “like a dude watching water spill into a tub waiting for it to fill”. i don’t want to really dwell on baths of my past that i might never soak in again or the bodies of water i have yet to submerge myself in i am just sitting there on the edge of that tub i have right this moment and i check the temperature and appreciate it for what it is and not the thing i isn’t or will ever be. today is certainly not tomorrow and it is certainly not going to be forever. #makeportraits #drippingwet #ifitwaseasyeveryonewoulddoit #sosoftithurts #likeacatinabagwaitingtodrown (at The Heights, Jersey City) https://www.instagram.com/myphotographslie/p/BuJ-z3kn8ZB/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ofi2hz8j6pco