#sorta quote or at least a quote i wanna hear

[katkalis-the-horror-fanartist]

Concept: Sun being super upset, suddenly bawling, because he doesn't have working lips, and therefore can't kiss a booboo better.

[psihawaii]

i know nothing about mashup week but i do wanna hear ur thoughts on trans scott

first of all: thank you for indulging me!!

second of all: obligatory LISTEN/READ MASHUP WEEK: MEGAMIX!! ill probably make a separate propaganda post anyway but plsss. mashup tournament that scott won three years ago that he now has to host and interview every1 and i like how he’s written better than most collabs (where hes not just. himself obviously.) write him. host says the tournament is a lot more like wii sports resort now and doesnt elaborate.

third of all: ooooooooookay so. This really got away from me im gonna put the rest under a readmore.

i’m gonna refer to them w/ they/them just for simplicity, but let the record show i don’t think they care that much either way/i switch up pronouns whenever i talk abt stw AHDHDJ (my main hc for a while was no pronouns scott just bc of how the descriptions are written hahahahahaha get itttttttttt)

i’ve Alwaysssss thought scott (the character obvi. do i have to keep clarifying that here too, im always gonna be referring to the character in this postSHDJDJ) was trans ever. since i joined the fandom in late 2021. Partly because borderline forever reminds me a lot of how i realized i was nonbinary (realizing somethings wrong and then course correcting by just… doing the opposite and wondering why that couldnt possibly be the solution.) but mostly because borderline forever is just Like That. . But more on that later

OUTSIDE OF THAT so much of how they act is sosososo deeply trans to me, or at the very least very egg-like and in denial deeply. THE THING that got me deep into stw initially was gifts of gaming because what the fuck man. scott’s very public breakdown because they feel extremely alienated from their peers and that this isn’t an isolated incident!!!!!! (finding other people unrelatable that is (and that’s probably also an autism and/or aroace thing but it can be all of those at once. Smile.) like so often is scott self deprecating abt how nobody cares abt them or their interests or how desperate they are for attention. dude.)

and like. okay so i made an entire nonbinary dysphoria comp already but there are so many. weird throwaway jokes. that aren’t… you know directly about them being trans/dysphoric but about how they hate facial hair or their voice or hated that they couldn’t have ‘girl toys’ growing up or that they shower fully clothed or that they’ll just. roleplay as a girl.

(and i was gonna have a whole bit about… i think you could make some kind of point about how scott ‘roleplays’ as a girl in specifically romantic/flirting contexts (tinder + speed dating) and how that could play jnto their dysphoria, but i also do just think they’re aroace. but there’s something there)

and no matter the intention of the jokes they’re still like. canon. (and i was gonna do a whole thing abt how scott the woz (the show) treats continuity basically being that. jokes + ‘throwaway lines’ establish canon things because they keep being brought back, and that lore is (with few exceptions) consistent. it’s fun. and meaning that these things are (assumedly) things scott thinks/does/how they act even off screen.)

and also i guess if im gonna talk abt trans scott i could At Least dedicate an entire paragraph to borderline forever because holy shit man. Before i rewatched a bunch of episodes this year, i of course had it in my head that borderline forever was totally trans coded but i sorta reasoned that that was my own headcanon clouding my perception and that it wouldnt be that blatant (<in quotes because im sure The Man Himself didnt intend for it to be read this way, but its fun to interpret it as such) but no it really is.

what do u mean theres been an unseen force in your life that’s always been there but you hadn’t noticed until you experienced internalized transphobia talked about something tangentially related, that’s now preventing you from living your life and doing the things you want to do. That isn’t directly harming you, and that other people can’t notice so they dismiss you. What do u mean.

Closing in is literally a song about how they can’t believe they’ve been living their life like this and how they feel like they’re suffocating from the idea of continuing to live like this. They saw the border glow. If you will (sorry.)

The ending of borderline forever is pretty… its… well i guess for me to really have definitive thoughts on it i would have to decide on what i think the allegory is because scott taking the border back serves different purposes for different ones, good and bad. In terms of the trans allegory, I initially considered that it was like him. Accepting transness as part of themselves and learning to live with it and move on from that (effectively transitioning just not. Outwardly (?)). Until my boyfriend (forced to watch every scott the woz lore episode for (for the most part) the first time with me) pointed out n. No it kinda just seems like they can’t imagine themselves as any different/better and thinks This Is As Good As It Gets so they retreat back to their status quo. And like. Huh. Yeah. 100% it’s still affecting them negatively and they hate it but they’re ignoring it now they saved the world and they never have to succumb to the horror of being understood and perceived i mean no one else has to worry abt this ever again.

like… two years ago i wrote a fic about nonbinary scott called Abiura Di Me (it’s never getting finished, i was originally gonna do a little comic to end things off but it felt kind of ehh. the only way i’m finishing it is if i completely start over. which who knows.) and, despite not rlly having this interpretation at the time, i did want to kind of explore scott like that, thinking they’re ‘content’ with their life now and wondering why they still feel unhappy/unfulfilled.

In general scott feels like a character that’s so… rigid and strict with their identity/attributes of themselves in a way that, often, makes them miserable, or at the very least in a way that they’re self deprecating abt like i said b4. (i.e. their virginity, and how it oscillates something they take pride in vs. something that they’re ashamed of (b4 accepting it in barrel blast)(youtuber slash tumblr user prim m, in description of their barrel blast mashup did a rlly interesting lil. few sentences of analysis abt this in particular!!), but is, to them at least, a key part of who they are that they have to keep asserting + how they talk abt themselves liking video games and how, similarly it oscillates between smthn that brings them a lot of joy and again, smthn that they’re ashamed of thats another reason they feel isolated, but is nonetheless. Probably THE defining thing about scott.)

And while this^ feels like a general internalized transphobia thing, it’s probably THE reason i think they’re nonbinary specifically, although i fuck with transfem scott severely. I really like the idea of scott unburdening themselves from any kind of labels and kinda just being happy Existing, it’s essentially what they already want/think they already have just with less expectation put upon them to perform. You could say. Preventing themselves from being put into a box or. Or yknow… some kind of blue borde-[i am killed.]

But anyway to answer your question trans scott is my lifeblood i love them a lot. I like… half joke their egg has been fully cracked now bc of the bits they’re pulling now (mainly. Changing their name in same name, different game and. all of gamer products.) (and side note even though i can glean Transness from any1 of these jokes and that… in a lot of cases scott Is the butt of the joke in them they don’t rlly feel meanspirited most of the time. whether thats bc im in denial ro theres smthn to it thats any1s guess. Tee hee.) i think they’re figuring stuff out and how they want to be perceived and if this is really something they want for themselves (is, but going abt it weirdly/making a joke of it and not taking it seriously (again, goes w the whole self deprecating rigid identity thing!!)

I don’t think scott changes much upon transitioning. Even though i think in the stw universe hrt/gender affirming surgery does… pretty much whatever you want it to and none of what you don’t want (i’m going off the… one ama where he said smthn along the lines of the stw universe is a perfect bubble where nothing bad happens + being able to get treated for murder + how i think scott the real person would think that kinda stuff works AHDNDIJDDJ and also cus i think its funny) i dont think scott would Want to change much physically. But i really like the idea of them keeping dyed blue bits framing their face (get it.) + slightly longer hair. and boobs cause i think thats awesome. personality wise they’re exactly the same and still suck though. But w/o shame and i love them

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 119

Chapter 119: “Encounter”

Ever since the escape, the WM pen gave Emma hope, insight and a sense of direction, so seeing her drop something she held onto so tightly now that Norman is back is kinda satisfying I guess? He checks off all those boxes for her sorta. She doesn’t ditch it completely though as we see it used later on before the GF raid.

Goes without saying but the reunion was done so much better in manga. All the emotion from Emma reflecting on their time apart hits so hard and of course seeing all the tears they’re shedding contributes to all that too. Also love how they decided to give this moment a double spread as it helps convey that there’s no longer any space between them. The only thing that would’ve made this scene better (for me) is if Emma had knocked ‘em both down to the floor. I know Norman became taller and probably a bit stronger physically since Lambda, but with the amount of speed and force Emma is putting into that hug I’m surprised he’s still standing.

At least the anime remembered his squishy cheeks.

I know this is a very touching moment but honey, why do you gotta say this so causally?? You’re sure as hell ain’t gonna get it back either!

I guess another reason why the manga handles this whole reunion better is that it includes everyone, not just Emma & Ray. Yeah the anime had the escapees see Norman later at that temple they were hiding at, but it didn’t feel the same. As much as I can appreciate the fullscore trio having their own little moment for themselves, I like seeing everyone’s reactions all at once since there’s a wide range of emotions on display here. Emma also looks so pleased with herself with how large their family has become.

I wish there were more chapters focusing on Norman’s time at Lambda. With how closely he was being watched, I can’t help but wonder how he managed to efficiently communicate with Vincent and Smee and how he orchestrated the whole escape without raising suspicions from the demons and Ratri clan working there. (remember when i said no human (on our side) has killed another? well, i forgot about this whole scheme.. so it seems norman has quite the kill count, even if those were done indirectly by an explosion.)

Few chapters ago I wondered if Hayato & Jin knew to look for the escapees based on seeing Norman’s ID or if he told them both what to look for, and though I believed the latter was the valid reason, I can’t doubt the first option now either since his number is in plain sight. I know he typically hides it when outside paradise when attacking farms and making deals with demons so perhaps that’s why I even questioned it in the first place.

Big history lesson incoming.

Favorite panel/moment:

And to absolutely no one’s surprise, of course Ray slapping the hell outta Norman is my favorite. The anime pales in comparison to the sheer amount of power and lowkey rage behind manga!Ray knocking this boy on his ass. The shock on everyone’s face is hilarious as well. At least Norman is a good sport about it.

The rest of this moment is still sweet though, like Norman quoting the letter he left Emma and seeing my boy finally break and have some tears flowing makes me wanna hug him.

To hear the boy who cursed his life and had plans to end it all come around and say he’s happy to be alive is just.. aaahh so so very important!!!!

I do like how the anime gave us a better look at his face with this line though.

And I got nothing against the panel of Emma down below (because it is adorable how she questions her sudden inclusion in the hug), but I love how relieved she is upon hearing such words from Ray.

Stupid is a term of endearment. And I wish I could say we can never let this trio be separated ever again but.. you know. Stuff happens.

[likesunsetorange]

how do you go about plotting your stories? :P

i always say that i’m a bit of a chaotic planner! i mention it a lot, but i have severely bad adhd, so things with me are a bit of organized chaos (except with the zine, i run that shit like the fucking marines man).

so basically since it starts off chaotic, i tend to kind of brain dump all my ideas into my doc (i use notion for planning), so like all the potential plot points scene ideas i may want, and then i tend to order them in a way that makes sense chronologically!

for one shots, i’ll be a bit more detailed bc i don’t do a lot of extra planning outside of my outline since it’s ONLY the one shot, but sometimes it’s even as simple as this! (from the wedding planner x baker au)

it’s not very eloquently written bc it’s just for me, so i don’t waste time making sure it’s in full sentences lol, it’s like me talking to myself! so i just write a bit chaotic lol but it’s what i find works for me, and im able to fill in the gaps! and here’s another example LOL (a spoiler sorta from the cowboy x model au!) like i said, they’re severely unserious, but it’s what works for me!! but this is how i do my one shot ones, just bc i outline them in their entirety and im not writing full length sentences i don’t have fucking time for that with my minimal attention span having ass 😭

BUT! for the e2l au and the bodyguard au!! i definitely did a lot more planning which is why it’s taken me so much longer to put them out 😭 with dol, which i’ve emphasized MANY times, i wrote it for shits and giggles and so i was like oh! like i should’ve been a bit more organized, which for the most part i’ve done PRETTY well, considering i wasn’t initially but i definitely wanted to be more prepared with these two!!

so for both of the fics, i have them set up like this! there’s three little sections and i can kinda explain how i organized each one!

outline: that’s the overall fic outline, i basically started it how i mentioned above, i brain dumped all my ideas and then made it into a mostly cohesive chronological order! for multi chapter fics tho i get rlly overwhelmed tho if i super intensely outline bc sometimes i change my mind, so i have a MOSTLY SOLID idea of the overall plot give or take some minor decisions (which is why the whole first kiss thing in the bodyguard au i said i wasn’t 100% sure on yet bc i could still change my mind lol). so i outline chapter by chapter going based off the overall big outline, and choosing from the scenes i wanted to do, and maybe any ideas y’all suggest too! so like some things ARE subject to change, but like for sure most things (like in dol the whole fire thing) i ALWAYS know would happen

details: for both fics, to make sure i kept the characterizations consistent, i wrote down everything about eren and mikasa and their character goals and traits for both au’s! and then specifically for the e2l au, i wrote out their feelings and thoughts about the breakup and how they both thought about one another as to make sure i kept those consistent!!! when writing mc fics it’s really easy to kind of stray away from characterization (at least for me bc i write a bunch of stuff at once) so i wanted to make sure i had something to refer to if i ever needed to!!

extras: bc i realized i enjoyed having quotes/chapter titles, i basically pre chose all of those just to save myself some time later on bc im indecisive as fuck lol so if was to help future me

basically i think everyone has a super different process!! i love hearing about all my writer moots writing processes bc we’re all really different! some of my moots have very detailed processes which i admire, bc im not like that at all, but i’ve found this works for me and the way my brain works! it’s a mix of organization but not in a way that stresses me out or overwhelms me!

but also sometimes like the cabin fic i’ll just say to hell with it write a fic on a whim and not plan for shit except knowing i wanna write those five individual scenes so im nothing if not a mess also, but yea sorry for talking your ear off, i always say being concise is not something i can ever do LOL i hope this answers your question tho!! 😭

and i provided some snippets for you bodyguard au and e2l au readers too!!

[twistedisciple]

Fódlan Profile: Griss

PERSONAL INFORMATION

GENDER. Male AGE. 27 HEIGHT. 177cm BIRTHDATE. 9/17 CREST/HOLY BLOOD. None CLASS. Unaffiliated AFFILIATION. Four Hounds

BIOGRAPHY. One member of a group that calls itself the Four Hounds. A long-time disciple of Lord Sombron, he was hand-selected to assist with the fell dragon's revival and subsequent plans. After suffering defeat at the hands of the Divine Dragon's army, he found himself in Fódlan, perhaps transported through one of the gates opened by Sombron's power. Loves pain, both receiving and inflicting it, so has no issue fighting for Garreg Mach while he waits for a divine sign to show him what to do next.

PERSONAL HISTORY

Age 0 - Born the only child to a pair of laborers in rural Elusia

Age 3 - Sold into slavery, eventually wound up in the hands of followers of the Fell Dragon

Age 15 - Selected by Zephia to join the group that would later be called the Four Hounds

Age 27 - Assisted with the resurrection of the fell dragon Sombron and later defeated alongside Zephia

Imperial Year 1181 - Hired as a mercenary by the Church of Seiros

INTERESTS. Fell Religion, Body Modification, Sewing, Crafting, Fishing LIKES. Pain, being rewarded, nature, animals, flowers, scary stories DISLIKES. Training, sweets, extreme heat or cold, fluffy toys, bugs, bland foods, the Divine Dragon STATUS. Former member of the Four Hounds CLOSE ALLIES: Zephia, Marni, Mauvier, Veyle

DINING HALL PREFERENCES

LIKES. daphnel stew, gronder meat skewers, two-fish saute, fisherman's bounty, sauteed jerky, sweet and salty whitefish saute, super-spicy fish dango, garreg mach meat pie, grilled herring, onion gratin soup, pickled rabbit skewers, fish and bean soup, pickled seafood and vegetables

DISLIKES. saghert and cream, sweet bun trio, peach sorbet, country-style red turnip plate, cabbage and herring stew

DINING HALL NOTES

FAVORITE DISH.  ✧

"Oh yeah, that hits the spot."

LEAST FAVORITE DISH.  ✧

"Beggars can't be choosers, huh..."

TEAM TIME GUIDE

FAVORITE TEA. Cinnamon blend

CONVERSATION TOPICS. a place you'd like to visit. a word of advice. close calls. evaluating allies. exploring the monastery. I'm counting on you. monastery rules. our first meeting. overcoming weaknesses. past laughs. reliable allies. someone you look up to. thanks for everything. the ideal professor. the last battle. working together. a dinner invitation. capable comrades. food in the dining hall. gifts you'd like to receive. books you've read recently. fashion. guessing someone's age. heart-racing memories. relaxing at the sauna. I heard some gossip. you seem different. working hours for guards. the ideal relationship. cooking mishaps. the view from the bridge. children at the market. monastery security. memorable scars. different ways to be hurt. new piercings.

TEA TIME QUOTES

GREETING.  ✧

"Not really a guy who likes sitting around sipping tea, so you're gonna have to do something for me when we're done."

FAVORITE TEA.  ✧

“Huh? This one's not bad.”

FIVE STAR TEA.  ✧

“You must've paid a fortune for this. Too bad I can't tell it apart from the others.”

BEING OBSERVED.  ✧

(1) "Wondering about my tattoo? Hold still and I'll give ya one to match." (2) “Plenty of people stare. I don't always let 'em walk away though." (3) “If you got nothing to say, let's have some fun instead."

QUIPS.  ✧

"Mmm." “Huh?” “Sure.” “Knock it off.” “Whatever you say.” “Nah.” “What the hell?!” “Want me to hurt ya?” “What d'you mean?” “Sounds boring." “Yeah."

ENDING.  ✧

"Can't say there aren't better things I coulda been doing, but I'm not about to let you forget you owe me one now."

FINAL COMMENTS.  ✧

(1) I grew up in a monastery where 'afternoon tea' was just a few extra lashes from the whip. ANSWER. Chat, Praise

(2) Fell scripture's against this sorta thing, you know. ANSWER. Nod, Chat

(3) Each one of these tattoos is a scar. Wanna hear how I got 'em? You're gonna have to beat the stories outta me. ANSWER. Laugh, Praise

(4) This is one hell of a punishment, and not the fun kind. ANSWER. Disagree, Admonish

(5) The Four Hounds were handpicked to serve Lord Sombron. Marni thought we were his favorites, but if you ask me, we were just convenient. ANSWER. Commend, Sip Tea

(6) What's your favorite way to be hurt? Mine? Heh. You'll have to find out.  ANSWER. Laugh, Chat, Blush (you know who you are)

(7) I know every way to make you hurt just shy of killing you. But I can do that too, if ya want. Answer: Sip Tea, Disagree, Blush (you know who you are)

(8) Friends? Family? Only as good as you can use 'em. ANSWER. Chat, Disagree

(9) Pain's good for everything: education, punishment, torture... even pleasure. ANSWER. Nod, Sip tea

MISCELLANEOUS DIALOGUE.

GIFT GUIDE

FAVORITE GIFTS. Hunting Dagger, Pitcher Plant, Coffee Beans, Fishing Float, Owl Feather DISLIKED GIFTS. Armored Bear Stuffy, Training Weights, Monarch Studies Book

GIFT QUOTES

DISLIKED GIFT.  ✧

"Thanks but no thanks."

LIKED GIFT.  ✧

"If you're just giving it away for free, I'll take it off your hands."

FAVORITE GIFT.  ✧

"This my reward for a job well done?"

LOST ITEMS

SEWING KIT. A small box containing needles of different sizes. It probably belongs to someone skilled in all types of stitch work. Location found: Infirmary

DECORATIVE SASH. A strip of cloth embroidered with eyes of the fell dragon. It probably belongs to a fanatic of the fell church. Location found: Alleyway near Abyss

SPIKED CILICE. A loop of iron worn around the wrist with sharp prongs facing inward. It probably belongs to someone who enjoys pain. Location found: Outside the sauna

LOST ITEM QUOTES OWNER.  ✧

"Huh? Yeah, that's mine. Wanna know what it's good for?"

NOT OWNER.  ✧

"Never seen this before. Better try someone else."

BATTLE QUOTES

MOCK BATTLE RETREAT.  ✧

“As much as I wanna keep playing, rules are rules.”

FIRST KILL.  ✧

"Hahahaha! Where's the next one?"

MONASTERY QUOTES

CHOIR PRACTICE.  ✧

"You gonna punish me if I sing for Lord Sombron instead?"

COOKING.  ✧

"Look at these knives. They got all kinds in here, and each one's kept deadly sharp. Huh? Oh, dinner. Yeah, yeah, just leave it to me."

TUTORING

INSTRUCT

BAD.  ✧

"So what's the punishment? Do your worst, Teach."

Critique: Yeah, you got it. Console: Don't waste your breath. Bring out the whip already.

GREAT.  ✧

"Next guy in my way is gonna hurt so good." “Better to serve Lord Sombron.”

PERFECT.  ✧

"Where's my reward?"

PRAISE. "Can it. Praise is for chumps."

TASKS

STABLE DUTY. ✧

“Wonder what it feels like to have a piece of metal nailed to your foot. Let's find out.”

WEEDING.  ✧

"Weeds got their uses, too, believe it or not. Just not where they gotta look pretty to fit in."

SKY WATCH.  ✧

“Why do pegasus knights always walk around like they got a stick up their ass when flying like this would be any thrill-seeker's dream." (with Zephia) "So this is what you feel like all the way up here. I could get used to this.”

CERTIFICATION EXAMS

FAILED.  ✧

"This is why I didn't go to Elusia's academy."

PASSED.  ✧

"What?"

UPDATE GOALS

REASON.  ✧

“Magic's always done me right when it comes to killing, but Fódlan's Reason is a whole different beast. I need to know it inside and out if I'm gonna find all the best ways to bring the pain here. Show me the ropes, and I mean I want you to make me feel it!”

FAITH.  ✧

“Learning to stitch up wounds and set bones was a necessity back home, but I'd like to take a crack at this kind of magic that calls on Faith. The fun's all over once you die, you know. Putting someone back together keeps it going for as long as you want. Lord Sombron would probably approve, yeah?”

BRAWLING.  ✧

“Magic's great 'n all, but being out of reach kinda takes the fun outta the fight. I wanna learn to fight up close so the other guy'll get a better shot at me. Plus, I've seen the kind of damage those steel gloves can do to a person's skull. Got me excited just thinking about it.”

LEVEL UP

0 TO 2 STATS UP .  ✧

“That's it?”

3 TO 4 STATS UP .  ✧

“Oh yeah, now we're talkin'!”

5 STATS UP .  ✧

“Bring on the pain! I'm gonna make you ALL feel it!”

6 STATS UP .  ✧

“You watchin', Lord Sombron? All this blood's consecrating the place for ya!”

UPON REACHING LEVEL 99 .  ✧

“It's never enough. All this suffering's never gonna be enough, but I'm not about to stop!”

BUDDING TALENT

“So I got other tricks after all.”

NEW SKILL

“I'll get some use outta this.”

RECLASSING .  ✧

“Tell me what you want, and I'll do it.”

BATTLE QUOTES

WHEN SELECTED

FULL/HIGH HP .  ✧

“Whatever you need.”

MEDIUM HP .  ✧

“Fun's just getting started!"

LOW HP .  ✧

“Ahahaha!”

ENEMY DEALS 1 OR NO DAMAGE OR MISSES .  ✧

(1) “So slow.” (2) “Nah.”

CRTIICAL ATTACK .  ✧

(1) “Allow me!” (2) “Rejoice!” (3) “This is gonna hurt!” (4) "I'll show you pain!”

GAMBIT .  ✧

“You scared?”

GAMBIT BOOST .  ✧

“We're about to have some fun.”

DEFEATED ENEMY .  ✧

(1) “The Hounds send their regards.” (2) “How was that?” (3) “I almost envy you.” (4) “Where's my reward?” (5) “Rude.”

ALLY DEFEATS ENEMY .  ✧

(1) “Hey, leave some for me!” (2) “That looked painful.” (3) “Look at you go.”

ALLY HEALS/RALLIES .  ✧

(1) “I'm back in.” (2) “Got me back on my feet.” (3) “Pain's gone.”

DEFEAT QUOTE

CASUAL .  ✧

“Exquisite..”

CLASSIC .  ✧

"Nothing... hurts me... anymore...“

THE ADVICE BOX

"Punishment's the only way to fix someone who's strayed off course, but no one's got the guts to lay a hand on me. What's the deal?"

>There are other ways to guide someone (Correct answer) >The monastery is full of cowards >Have you tried a hug?

[goldensadnessdolphin]

That's been rattling in my brain a bit. I think a big part of that was distance to the audience.

HIMYM was a pretty closed off thing. Yeah, it was big and all, but there was barely anything to grab onto and have a conversation about. Talking from a mainstream cultural perspective:

GoT had it's houses people would sort themselves into. HIMYM had Neil Patrick Harris as pretty much THE character that carried the show. Mostly because it was good enough for the rest of the cast to just bounce off of them specifically. I'd bet that more people could quote all house slogans of GoT than tell you more than one significant difference character difference between *has to check wikipedia* Ted and Marshall. Hell, I barely watched both series equally much (a few episodes at a friend's place) and even I can tell you that the House Stark had a wolf as their crest. There is a level of branding and emotional investment expected in GoT and (likely) actively avoided in HIMYM.

The second major difference is merch. GoT had merch versions of EVERYTHING. Without looking them up now, I'd wager GoT had their own Monopoly set, blind bags, funkos, maybe even a TTRPG or other niche market product. If they felt extra spicy, they might've even made a video game? What did HIMYM have in comparison? What COULD they have that would go beyond the logo so you can tell people you like the show? I can't remember ever hearing any catch phrase that entered the zeitgeist. Definitely none that I'd immediately connect with HIMYM. Fuck, Big Bang Theory at least had BAZINGA! There was no real emotional connection to the series for most watchers. And I assume, that was by design.

I'm gonna get unnecessarily deep into some real meta stuff under the cut, so if you're leaving the train here, leave with this hypothesis: HIMYM needed to stay background noise or else they could not have been producing the show for as long as they did. You wanna know what that means? Come with me into the wonderful world that lies beyond:

The big restriction of episodic TV and especially sitcom type media is you can not leave the start of the episode by the end. By which I mean, episodes are produced in a way that a casual watcher can expect the characters to be the same at the start of ep 01 and ep 126. The Simpsons could not have Bart age, the Golden Girls could not have one of them die, The Nanny could not be permanently fired/find a different job. Yes, there are some changes you can make, but those have to keep the character and central tension at the same place. The Nanny (spoiler) did at some point kinda sorta actually hook up with her boss, but it was treated as a very off-and-on relationship if memory serves. Their professional lives and power imbalance was still the biggest obstacle. Bart has to stay young to be mischievious. His pranks would hit a lot differently (both for the character and their effect on others) if he was 17 or older.

Things like this are a necessity to air the show in effective perpetuity. Any major change MUST be explainable by a sentence or two at most. Because that way, you as the audience know exactly what to expect and the writers can't stray so far out of character that the next episode's writer struggles to tell their story. That is the reality of the business of these shows: Writers, more often than not, would write individual episode scripts instead of season spanning archs.

That also makes it way easier on the actors. If you change the character or base conflict regularly, you are causing your actors to need a lot more prep to deliver the change to the needed quality. That's just not possible, since these shows generally give the actors the script the day they shoot it. Being able to act in those conditions is a very specialized skill you have to pull off. It's one of the big reasons you don't really see soap/sitcom main cast in anything else, even after the show has ended (NPH being the exception that proves the rule)

Coming back to HIMYM. They likely targeted being background noise. If I remember correctly, around the time that they began, a lot of established soaps/sitcoms were either finished or going into their last seasons. While audience tastes were changing, there was a gap in the market. A gap that could be exploited if it drew as many people into watching it regularly as possible. For that, they needed to be knowingly bland. No major edges, no big drama, no strong emotional core. They were specifically riding on two things: The titular mystery and being just interesting enough for people not to flick away when it was on.

Which is entirely opposite to GoT and why it's actually very puzzling why it washed away as it did. GoT had an incredibly dedicated and active fanbase. Yeah, the ending was shit, but that would generally mean people would be loud about it being shit. How they'd fix it, what exactly went wrong, "watch until Ep. X and then stop watching, that's a better ending". That certainly happened, but it left no mark. It's like the fans were ashamed of ever liking the show.

So, there you have it. The thoughts of someone who grew up with sitcoms and now wants to tell people how insane it actually is for sitcom characters to live for 20 minutes more-or-less Groundhog style instead of us getting a momentary glimpse into their life.

remember how utterly inescapable how i met your mother used to be with the memes and references and barney and bro code and wait for it... and then the finale was so hated it vanished overnight

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

[rai-knightshade-art]

"I missed you."

"....I missed you, too."

Prompt #2, Pitch Perfect RarePair Week

This scene now has a Part 2! Check it out here!

Artist thoughts, links to the other prompt days, and a Close Up under the cut, Image ID in the alt text!

*drags myself in out of sheer force of will, collapsing immediately on the floor, holding this post aloft like a hard-won trophy* I did it. I got the drawing for today's prompt done. Here you go.

So, backstory: this is technically related to what will now be three posts later this week (because there's supposed to be a second part of this drawing based on Prompt #7, "I can't say it so I'll sing it", that will now be posted along with my original unrelated idea for #7 on Sunday), all of which are based on a fanfic I've been writing for a couple months now. Said fic (and two of the three posts) is Jeca-centered, but it's based in a little pocket verse that has a LOT more going on in it than just their whole... Thing, and that includes other RarePairs hanging out and generally being adorable in the background. (This includes all of the rarepairs I'm featuring this week, btw.)

Enter Chaubrey, who have their own side story going on that includes at least one gay panic (Aubrey), years of pining (Chloe, literally from their freshman year at Barden onwards), a mutual realization of "holy shit there might be something here, actually!" (Seen above, more on that below), a few months of hesitant flirting and maybe-sorta-kinda dates, and, finally, a reveal of feelings through meaningful glances during a duet featuring the rest of the Bellas (and a subsequent mutual decision to sneak off and talk things through after... Which may or may not lead to smooching in a broom closet somewhere. Maybe. Yes, Fat Amy finds them, and, no, she never lets them hear the end of it, even at their wedding a year later). It's a lot, is what I'm getting at here, that unfortunately goes mostly unsaid in-story due to the POV(s) I'm writing in, but I felt it was important that y'all know about it anyways because they live in my head rent free. Constantly. So.

Now, as for this scene specifically: set roughly 1 and a half years after PP3, Aubrey and Chloe are helping Beca pick out a wedding outfit as the Chief Bridesmaid and Maid of Honor, respectively (a position that Chloe threatened to fight Fat Amy for until Beca, in fear of "the Kraken has been unleashed!", declared that Chloe was Maid of Honor and Fat Amy would officiate, end of story), a month or two after Beca announced her engagement via a group zoom call (and Chloe's excited reaction subsequently provoked a Gay Panic™ in Aubrey as she suddenly had the realization that "I want to see her smile like that for the rest of my life", a Totally Normal and Measured Reaction to have for your best friend of course). Stacie would help but she's trying to wrangle a flower girl dress for little Bella across the country in New York, and Emily is splitting her time between song writing and helping with other logistics ("I've been researching venues, did you know there's actually an old movie theatre here in LA that can be rented out for weddings?" "rEALLY?!?! 😍" "NO." "Come oooonnnn, Becs, you gotta admit that's cool!" "Not. Happening."), So it's down to Chloe and Aubrey to help find the perfect wedding gown suit for Beca, because, and I quote, "Just because I agreed to a wedding does NOT mean I'm gonna be like every other bride on Say Yes to the Dress or whatever, if we're doing this we're doing it my way, and I'm not wearing a poofy overpriced dress that I can only use once, got it?" ("But, Beca, don't you wanna, I dunno, dress up for your husband-to-be? Go the whole nine yards?" "Are you kidding?! Jesse offered to just go up to the courthouse and be done with it, he's still amazed I said yes in the first place. It was only after I reminded him that you pitches would hunt us down and murder us if we got married without you that he agreed to do an actual wedding." "...Damn. You two really are made for each other huh." "You're also correct, there would be nowhere on this planet you could hide from our wrath if you'd eloped. Fat Amy has connections.")

Anyways.

In the midst of the chaos of trying on outfits and assuring the sales associate at each shop (because there are multiple shops visited, by the way) that, yes, she really does want a suit instead of a dress, and no, she won't be persuaded otherwise, and in trying to find matching bridesmaid outfits for the rest of the girls, Chloe and Aubrey find some moments to just... Talk. They haven't been able to talk much since the tour, at least in person, and they've missed that. They've missed each other. (Hence, the prompt!) Herein comes the realization that they're both single (rip Chicago you'll debatably be missed), and the mutual blushes and unusually shy glances start clueing them each in that, huh. It's almost like... She might... Reciprocate??? My feelings??? But they don't quite get to unpack that because there's still suit shopping to do!

But they'll get there, don't worry! We'll get the resolution to this little storyline on Sunday, because what better way to finally confess your feelings than with the same mashup that first truly brought you and your friends together! 😎

In the meantime, I've got bonus posts going up tomorrow and Thursday (because I couldn't come up with anything for either of those prompts, though I did try), then we're back with the last 4 true Prompt Entries™ starting Friday, with two entries for Sunday!

Days I've participated in (and Entries I've posted):

Day 1 (This is me trying): Link

Day 2 (I missed you): You Are Here!

Day 5 (if honesty means telling the truth... Well then the truth is I'm still in love with you): Link

Day 6 (there's no way that it's not going to happen with you looking at me like that): Link

Day 7.1 (I can't say it, so I'll sing it): Link

Day 7.2 (part 2): Link

Plus a relevant bonus Post for this particular scene can be found here!

Close Up:

[violetlilysunshine]

Be Careful

Harry Holland x Actress Reader

Requested

@harryhollandsgirlfriend: Ok, ok, a request for y/n and Harry being in a new relationship and the boys are all hesitant about it and worried y/n is there for the wrong reasons and just Harry defending you and how you all work through that. 🥺

WC: 1,505

Warnings: swearing (one f-bomb)

A/N: Kinda left it between the boys, hope that’s okay. Also first time using a taglist, so hopefully it goes well :)

MASTERLIST - TAGLIST

You’d met the brothers while they were sightseeing in Atlanta, instantly hitting it off with Harry. The two of you had been friendly for a while after that, casually flirting and always finding ways to get together. 

He’d asked you out a little while ago, taking you out secretly. He wasn’t ready to tell anybody, specifically Tom, yet; he didn’t know what they would think, given your history together. They were worried that you were just hanging around with them for the fame, knowing that you wanted to work your way up in Hollywood as well. Of course, it wasn’t really anything to do with you personally, they just felt that they had to be cautious of all new people who came around. 

Harry, however, knew that you were genuine. He had obviously gotten to know you the best and knew that you really cared more about people than fame. Sure you wanted to act, but you also valued privacy, just like he and Tom did. 

Harry met you for lunch a couple days ago, in between scenes just because he wanted to see you. You did little things like this as often as you could, while still keeping things quiet. It was kind of fun sneaking around with him; it made every little second you could steal together even better.

“So, uh, somethings sorta been on my mind,” he stuttered.

“What’s up, bub?” you asked.

“Well I want to tell Tom about us and like, I wanna make sure that’s okay with you.”

“Why are you asking me that, Har?” you chuckled.

“Well, we haven’t told people, so like, I wanna know if it’s okay if I do…”

“You’re the one that didn’t tell Tom,” you pointed out gently, “he’s your brother after all, it’s up to you.”

There was a slight pause in the conversation; you could tell that wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

“I just want you to be comfortable,” you soothed him, “It doesn’t bother me if we tell him right now or not, whenever you’re ready.” 

“Well I think I want to tell him,” he said, “I wanna be able to have you over and cuddle on the couch and hold hands around him. Ya know, all the boyfriend stuff…” he trailed off.

“Okay, babe,” you said softly, before repeating, “whenever you’re ready.” 

You smiled gently at him, watching his lips curve up slowly. He was so ready to be open with you and couldn’t wait to get it off his chest. 

“Maybe I should tell him alone,” he added, “ya know, brother to brother…”

“Whatever you want,” you said, grabbing his hand gently under the table.

“I’ll have to tell Haz too, ya know, since he’s always around.”

“That’s fine - whoever you want, whenever you want. And, to be honest, I wanna be able to come over and do all of that too,” you comforted him. 

“Thanks, darling,” he whispered, squeezing your hand for a second before letting go and continuing to eat.

“And for the record, ya know, if we’re telling things…” you trailed.

Harry’s heartbeat quickened at that, “yes, darling?” he questioned, not knowing what could possibly be coming at him. 

“I have told someone,” you whispered.

“Oh,” he said shortly, eyes widening, “when? who?” 

“My best friend, before our first date… ya know, I just wanted to make someone aware of what was going on and who I was going out with and where I would be, ya know, in case something bad happened. Can’t be too careful these days.”

Harry chuckled at that, dropping his head and shaking it lightly.

“But she’s the only one, and she won’t say anything, promise. I mean, she hasn’t yet, so you can trust me when I say that,” you smiled. 

Harry smiled at you widely, “I do trust you,” he whispered, leaning in and pecking you gently.

~~~~~

He decided on Friday that he was going to tell Tom and Harrison about the two of you. Half of him casually wanted to drop it like, “oh yeah, I’m taking Y/N out tonight,” on his way out the door, but the other half of him knew that he just had to be straight up with them. 

They came in from the gym, dropping their bags right in front of the door, arguing about who gets to shower first. 

“You got it first last time!” Harrison shouted at Tom, kicking his shoes off.

“Well I got there before you, mate, not my fault,” Tom countered. 

They stood in the doorway, staring each other down for a second. 

“Not happening today,” Harrison said quietly, taking off running towards his bedroom to get his clothes and hurry to the shower.

Little did he know, Tom had already laid his clothes out on the bed so all he had to do was grab them and go to the bathroom.

The bathroom door slammed upstairs and Harry knew what was coming -

“GOD YOU ARSE!” Harrison screamed, followed by Tom’s loud laugh from behind the closed door.

Harrison came jogging down the stairs and into the living room, “god can you believe that guy?” 

“Uh, yeah,” Harry chuckled, “brothers…” 

Harrison just laughed at him, pulling out his phone to scroll through Instagram while waiting for the shower. Maybe starting with just Harrison would be easier…

“So, Haz?” Harry asked after a while of just sitting in silence. He was trying to sound casual, but inside he was shitting himself.

“Hmm?” Harrison hummed, not looking up from his phone. 

“I uh, I’m taking Y/N out tonight…”

“Yeah? What’re you guys doing? Maybe Tom and I can tag along.” Harrison questioned.

“No, mate, not like that, I’m dating her,” Harry said bluntly, “have been for a few weeks.” 

Harrison didn’t know how to react; he wanted his friend to be happy, but at the same time he worried about you using him. What if you got what you wanted and then just left? And broke Harry’s heart in the process? He can’t let that happen. 

“Are you sure you wanna do this? What if she’s using you?” Harrison tried to ask nicely. 

“Who’s using him?” Tom asked, strolling in the room, hair still dripping wet. 

“Y/N,” Harrison answered, “they’re ‘dating’ now,” Harrison said, using air-quotes around the word dating. 

“She’s not like that you fucking arse,” Harry answered, starting to get mad, “I knew you guys would be like this and that’s exactly why I didn’t tell you!” 

“How long?” Tom asked quickly.

“A few weeks,” Harry answered with a huff.

“Oh, so it’s still easy to get out,” Tom said casually with a shrug.

“I don’t wanna get out!” Harry yelled, “I really like her! She’s not what you guys think she is!”

“Mate, calm down,” Harrison tried.

“No! I tried to be calm and you had to go and be a dick!” 

“Hellooooo!” Tuwaine sang as he walked through the front door.

“Hey mate, Harry’s dating Y/N,” Tom answered him.

“What?” Tuwaine laughed.

“Harry’s dating Y/N,” he repeated.

“Yay, she’s cool!”

“What? You’re on his side?” Harrison questioned.

“Yeah, why not?” Tuwaine shrugged, “I just want everyone to be happy. If Harry trusts her, then so do I.” 

“Thank you,” Harry said, calming down a bit.

“But what if she’s using him?” Harrison reiterated, bringing up his first concern, “or what if she’s just using Harry to get to Tom and then use him? Or the same with me?” 

“Yeah, bro, I’m Spider-Man,” Tom added.

“Yeah, we all know that,” Harry answered, “you don’t have to remind us every second of every day.”

“But still, how do you know she’s not gonna split when she gets popular?” Tom asked.

“Because you guys didn’t take the time to actually get to know her,” Harry stressed, “she’s been hanging out with us for quite a while and she hasn’t posted a single picture of either of you, or me for that matter.” 

The boys fell silent, that was true and they couldn’t deny it. 

“And she’s always paid the most attention to me, so don’t you think if she really wanted to use you guys, she’d have ignored me?” 

“I guess that makes sense…” Tom mumbled.

“Can’t you just be happy for me?” Harry pleaded, “like Tuwaine said: I trust her, isn’t that enough?” 

“We just don’t wanna see you get hurt, mate. Honest, if you’re happy, we’re happy,” Harrison answered, “we just want you to be careful.” 

“Well I am being careful, so you don’t have to worry. She’s great, I’d love for you guys to give her a chance,” Harry soothed. 

“We will, just know that we’re watching her too. At least for a little while,” Tom said, raising his eyebrows at Harry. 

“That’s fine, I guess,” Harry said, “just don’t weird her out so she runs away, please.” 

“No promises,” Harrison piped up. 

“I’m just happy for everyone,” Tuwaine said with a big smile from the couch, making everyone laugh.

“That’s why you’re my favorite,” Harry said, fist-bumping Tuwaine.

Taglist:  @xamourx @spider-barnes @hogwartsmarvelmommy @tulipholland @harryhollandsgirlfriend @cupids-crystals @sunwardsss @bvttercupbby

[dennistanner]

It was almost like a game of cat-and-mouse between two secret agents. The last person Dennis would ever liken himself to was James Bond, but the blonde beside him made him feel far more masculine, intriguing, and dangerous than he actually was. Although he didn’t take shit when handed it, Dennis was on the shorter side and likewise lean and not very strong. He also never cared enough to get in a fight outside of a moshpit, which made him all in all, a very soft man. Just the idea that his companion felt even remotely threatened by him was laughable, but he also understood more than most men that women often lived in fear the moment they stepped out of their homes, and half of them didn’t even feel safe inside it. It was the only good quality he would credit himself for having, and it was what had him dipping no more than a toe in the water when testing the woman. 

“Why do I get the feeling it’s never just a threat with you? Not that I’m discouraging you from choking me, I’m just saying, if I don’t turn at least a little red you aren’t doing it right.” He grinned smugly. Hand on his heart, Dennis hammed up being flattered as she expressed her disgust with his reaction. It was more than fun at this point, and he was happy to get something out of going out of his way, even if it was just a moment of her company. “ You’re the one who said it, not me. I mean, I know I’m cute, but it’s still nice to hear it from you. And they said romance was dead.” He teased. 

“Seedy, but a goldmine. I might even snag a few things for myself if I’m lucky. They kinda just left this place to rot since the guy that owned this branch like…commited fraud or something, I dunno…” He shrugged, leading her in further. “ He was kind of a shady guy and I think some of this shit was supposed to go back to a warehouse or like, the franchise, but he dipped and a lot of things were ‘unaccounted for’ “ Dennis said with air quotes.” I think the only reason this place hasn’t been looted to it’s pipes is cause people are afraid or maybe they don’t wanna steal from a shady guy, but I’m sure you don’t have that problem. Plus, some of this shit probably has some reselling value on Ebay.”

As they finally reached the bay doors of the loading area, Dennis took a look around for a second before pointing out the dumpsters in the distance. They were a ways away, but not far. “I know a guy who works at the supermarket that’s in the neighboring lot — they sorta shared this back area for loading shit and sometimes the people from the store would throw things out in the dumpsters here to avoid the homeless digging through theirs and leaving them to clean up, or so cut back on costs when the trash collectors come. I’m pretty sure they’re still doing it, so you’ll probably find good stuff in there. But if you’re up for a little B&E….” Dennis smiled, nodding towards the large, shuttered doors. “ I can get in here easy. I’m sure they haven’t liquidated everything, and I know it’s worth something. All depends on how much you feel like breaking the law tonight?”

For the first time Dylan withheld from acting on her intrusive thoughts. She caught the side of his eye as it dipped to his peripheral, trying to gage her reaction. He had to know by now that it bothered her less than most, and even if he claimed he was put off by how much she was rejecting him Dylan could tell it would satisfy him just to hear another quip. It was almost endearing the way he kept coming up with things to bug her, almost tripping over rocks because he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the thrill of catching her reaction.

She kept that comment to herself, already feeding his whims with her careless and reckless mouth. Instead, she laughed. “And threaten you with a good time?” Her brows had lifted, a smile peaking on the corners of her lips. “Naughty boy.” She nearly tsked, giving him a stern look and then a smile. As she made her way through the splayed open chain fence, she made note of her surroundings despite the lack of security. It was completely empty, and even some of the overhead lights weren’t on, making it look even more dangerous than the alley he found her in.

“Yeah this place is seedy as fuck.” For what it was worth, she didn’t mind. At least there wasn’t a bunch of annoying kids or so many prying eyes to watch them as they dug through trash. Most people made their noises and comments, but there was the once in a blue moon narc on more than one occasion. “Shut up.” She groaned, eyes rolling seconds after he started in on her but she was all the more amused with the delight it brought him. She felt like she was hot and cold with him, like every so often she’d slip him a little treat.

He seemed even more delighted to rile her, and probably find out just how far a line he cross before she really was serious. But anger was hard for Dylan, because it wasn’t a primary emotion it always trickled from something else. It was a swift switch and one that for the most part remained dormant, leaving her to plateau in her indifference. “I wouldn’t get angry.” Telling the truth, she watched his eyes as they danced, like she was about to say something so wild or brash it might be worth the captivation. It caught her attention, and for a split second even at their distance she watched his breathing hitch with excitement and it delighted her, too. “I would have to choke you out, both hands, and leave you for the morning crew to handle, but that would only be cause you wasted my time and not cause you made me mad.”

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Let's Call It Funny

Prompt: Hi! If you know about those gen z peter parker posts, could your write something based on that? With Steve Getting It (tm) because fatalistic nihilism in humor tended to show up during the world wars and we’re seeing a reflection of that now? Sorry- I just think it’d make great options for steve and peter bonding, and dad!tony but actual emotions (gasp!) You can totally ignore this if you want!

Don't ever apologize for giving me such a great ask

Read on Ao3 Part 2

Warnings: uhhh gen z humor

Pairings: none! all found family in this bitch

Word Count: 2529

Here’s the thing about humor. It’s not necessarily that one generation is any funnier than another, it’s just that high school kids are perpetually the funniest people alive. Something about being in a pressure cooker of an environment with a bunch of other people whose bodies are changing in new unpredictable ways whilst having very little say in how their lives go creates humor. Gasp of shock, right?

So basically what Peter’s trying to say is that he’s fucking hilarious.

Come on, not only does he have the default high schooler stuff, he’s also gay, which gives him an instant bonus. He’s trans, which opens up a whole new subset of humor for him to explore. He’s neurodivergent as fuck, and we all know that makes people funny as hell. And if that weren’t enough, he’s severely traumatized and he’s Spider-Man.

Peter Parker is funny as hell.

What is truly devastating—and really, it’s their loss—is that so few people seem to appreciate it.

Ned gets it. Ned’s not someone Peter would expect to not get it, just because hey, it’s Ned. They’ve met each other in the hallways and been like ‘hey! You’re still alive! Congrats on having a body!’ Only for the other one to go ‘hey! You’re alive too! I wish I had an intangible form!’

Because bodies are stupid and evolution really fucked us over but at least we’re not horses.

A solid 50% of their interactions are just quoting John Mulaney and Bo Burnham bits back and forth at each other. Peter’s never gonna forget the day they both had detention and had to watch that stupid Cap PSA—it’s propaganda, you Nazi fuckwits—and something reminded them of the ‘horse loose in a hospital’ bit and they just did it. Full out. Stood up and did the actions and everything. The rest of the room was either trying to do it with them—and failing, because they didn’t have nearly enough practice—or looking so confused. The security guard—Paul, he’s great—just looked at them blearily after they finished and went:

“I mean, you kids are right, but you’re not supposed to talk in detention.”

Well, excuse them for trying to make it more entertaining for everyone.

MJ gets it. If Peter’s being honest, he learned most of his humor from her. She is the master and it is an honor to study in her wake. He’s definitely hijacked the asking whether or not anything’s actually meaningful existentialism jokes and they’ve wormed their way into his day-to-day repertoire.

“Why are you late, Mr. Parker?”

“Time is a social construct, Mrs. B, none of us are ever late or early except in the subjective spacetime paths. The limits of our sensory perception make it so we can’t tell if anything is real, let alone whether or not they conform to some arbitrary definition of ‘time.’”

“…just sit down, Peter.”

See? It works.

Aunt May gets…worried.

Sure, they’ve actually talked about when Peter needs help and wants to reach out and when he’s just making jokes off the cuff because hey, humor’s a great coping mechanism or it’s just a joke and not that serious. Peter loves his Aunt May, so so so much, and the last thing he wants to do is really worry her. And she’s gotten pretty good at figuring out when he’s just joking and when he’s spiraling.

Sometimes, though…

“Peter,” Aunt May calls from the kitchen, “did you remember to stop by the store on your way home?”

Peter freezes halfway through the door.

“Peter?”

He swallows. “…no.”

“Why not?”

“Because I am too stressed and consumed by the swirling pit of blackness deep in my soul to remember my head is connected to my body, let alone remember to go to the store.”

Silence.

“…Aunt May?”

“Do you want to drop off your stuff and then go to the store?”

“…yeah, please.”

“Love you, Pete.”

“Love you!”

“Try to remember that you’ve got arms so you can pick stuff up.”

“Got it!”

See? It’s fine.

The Avengers don’t get it. Like, at all.

Natasha and Clint like, sorta get it? They make the same jokes all the time when they think Peter can’t hear them, which—come on, you guys are super spies, surely you know people are gonna hear you when they’re gonna hear you. Natasha will make a crack about something, Clint will laugh and shove her shoulder. It’s their dynamic, we get it. But when Peter does it…

“Hey, Baby Spider?”

Peter sticks his head up from the ceiling. “Yeah?”

“Where’re you crawling off to?”

“I’m gonna go hide in the garage.”

Natasha blinks up at him. “Why?”

“Because if I get crushed by the airlock doors then I won’t have to do my paper tomorrow.”

Silence. Natasha’s mask is too good for Peter to actually see what’s going on with her, let alone from this angle, but silence isn’t good.

“Nat—oof!”

Something blurs out of the vent nearby and tackles him down onto the couch.

“Clint!”

“Nope,” Clint mutters, wrapping Peter up in a hug as Natasha comes to join them. “You’re staying with us now, Pete.”

“Guys, I’m fine.”

“Peter,” Natasha says softly, “don’t joke about that, you’ll make us worry.”

“I don’t wanna do that,” Peter mumbles, “but it’s fine.”

“Coping mechanism, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s got too many brain cells to do that,” Clint says, ruffling Peter’s hair.

“Stark has a lot of brain cells, you see what good that does him?”

“Hmm. Guess you’re gonna have to stay awhile, Pete.”

There are worse fates. Definitely.

Thor just kind of gets confused by it. He acts like Peter isn’t going to be absolutely fine because there’s no need to do anything like that. No, Peter, you don’t have to put the bleach in first into your cereal, there’s plenty of milk left over. No, Peter, you don’t have to throw yourself off the roof because your laptop is freezing, Stark has so many just lying around. No, Peter, you don’t have to pack a rucksack and run away to the Alps and live like a recluse, come here and get a hug.

Peter suspects Thor’s playing dumb on purpose. The man is smart as hell, there’s no way all of this is flying over his head. And honestly, it warms his heart a little bit when he sees Thor’s sincere, concerned look when he thinks Peter’s not looking.

Banner and Rhodey just kinda shake their heads and move on. They’re used to it. They live and work with some of the most dramatic fucking people in the goddamn universe, they’re used to a little bit of extra humor. Occasionally one of them will give him a look that says he’s pushing his luck, but that’s not often. Less often now ‘cause he knows what he can get away with. He’s also seen them hiding smiles behind their hands or poorly disguised coughs. They’re not as slick as they think they are.

Tony.

Tony is the fucking worst.

Peter can’t get away with so much as sighing too hard before Iron Dad™ is swooping in all soft words and concerned touches. Jesus. You’d think he’d get it, he uses humor as a coping mechanism too, goddamnit, why is he so worried about Peter?

Okay, fine, he knows why.

MJ’s over at the Tower, having another one of her ‘sketch people in crisis’ appointments with Natasha. Peter is coming off of a 32-hour caffeine rush and is violently wishing for death. Tony is in the kitchen doing…something.

“Hey, do you think bleach would make a good smoothie?”

Tony wheels around to see MJ pulling a glass out of the cupboard.

“Kid—“

“Sounds like a filling breakfast,” Peter groans, “can you make me one too?”

“…I’m legitimately concerned,” comes Tony’s mutter.

MJ ignores him. “Who’s the bitch on your forehead?”

Peter rubs absentmindedly at the massive knot on his head, courtesy of a wall that rudely decided to move at the last second while Peter was attempting to walk through a doorway. “He’s called DJ Braindeath and he’s my only friend in the world.”

“Peter—“

“Oh did you meet him at the furry convention?"

“Technically it’d be a buggie convention.”

“What the hell are you two talking about?”

“The pantry doesn’t have good coffee, I’m going to Starbucks.” MJ grabs her bag. “You want anything?”

“A will to live?”

“Peter, what the fuck—“

“Oof, I’ve only got like…20 bucks.”

Peter lets his head drop back to the counter. “Then just leave me here to die.”

“Can I have champagne at your funeral?”

“I’ll be dead, I won’t fucking care.”

“God, I wish that were me.”

Then MJ’s gone and Peter gets treated to a 20-minute conversation with a very concerned Tony Stark that he doesn’t remember most of because hey caffeine crashes aren’t fun.

He definitely does it on purpose sometimes just to wind Tony up. Like there’s this one incident with an interview he does as Spider-Man and he gets asked what he thinks about Tony Stark’s newest intern, Peter Parker.

“That boy’s an embarrassment, just…complete failure. Can’t speak without stuttering through every other word and self-esteem issues all over the place. Also looks like he got dressed in the dark.”

The reporter had awkwardly moved on to another question. The interview aired later that day while Peter was at the Tower. Tony sat next to him on the couch about halfway through.

“You look good, Pete.”

Peter had mumbled halfheartedly, only to hear the reporter ask the same question.

“See, that’s the problem with having a secret identity, you don’t…” Tony trailed off as he heard the answer.

Peter snorted as Spider-Man finished talking. “Say that to my face, you bitch, get a real job. At least I don’t look like someone vomited silly string all over my spandex.”

“Are you okay?”

See? Fun.

The only one he’s made a conscious effort to not be this funny around is Steve.

Because, okay, here’s the thing. Steve’s disappointed look has no effect on him anymore. He’s immune, motherfuckers, he’s had detention too many times for it to still work. Here’s the other thing: Steve doesn’t actually use that tone of voice that often. It’s this meticulously crafted image he plays up in interviews because it catches all the bad guys so off guard when Captain America is suddenly swearing a blue streak at them and telling them to go fuck themselves in, honestly, quite creative ways. The sincere Steve Rogers disappointment and concern still very much works. Also doesn’t help that Steve does caring so fucking well, like…who gave him the right to say a few things and hold Peter like he’s something precious and do the quick one-two punch of saying a super sincere compliment and following it up with ‘I love you.’ Who did that? It’s rude. Stop it.

And yeah, Steve’s the resident Mom at the Ready. It’s a risk to even sit on your bed looking sad ‘cause here he comes, wearing something snuggly and saying ‘hey’ in that stupid, stupid compassionate voice. So Peter knows he’s just gonna end up crying from too much soft if Steve actually gets concerned. Which won’t be fair because he’s gonna try and explain that he’s fine and it’s just his sense of humor while crying. Yeah, like that’s gonna be believable.

So he’s trying not to but damnit it’s hard.

Then he walks into the kitchen one day to see Steve struggling with the toaster.

It’s one of Tony’s new prototypes—which means that anyone struggling with it is so fair—and from the looks of it, it’s managed to not only burn the bread to a crisp, but also mangle the slices beyond recognizable shape.

Peter’s not paying that much attention. He’s on his phone, heading towards his spot in the corner with the beanbag chairs and definitely doesn’t recognize Steve as he goes.

He only plops down and hears someone declare, in a completely deadpan voice: “There is no point to existing at all.”

“Oh, mood.”

He doesn’t think much of it. He doesn’t even know who said that, that’s how hyper-focused he is right now. He hears the others come in and feels Clint plonk down next to him.

“Hey, Pete.”

“Sah, dude.”

“Just vibing. Did I do it right?”

“Yeah, man you’re going great.”

“You teach Thor ‘yeet’ yet?”

“We’re getting there.”

“Steve,” he hears Tony call from the kitchen, “what the fuck did you do?”

“Language.”

“Don’t fucking talk to me about language when you’re making toast that looks like a goddamn welder’s table, what is that?”

“Your prototype’s work, I imagine.”

“How did you even—“

Clint chuckles next to him as the two of them start fondly bickering. Peter’s too busy speedrunning the five stages of grief in his head.

Did…did Steve say the thing about there being no point to existence at all?

No…no way.

He must be imagining things.

Then, of course, there’s a chime on his phone.

Ned: Did u do the bio hw?

There was bio homework?

Ned: yeah, due at noon

“I now know why God abandoned this timeline and when will death come to take me?”

The room goes silent.

Shit.

“Peter,” Clint says, “it’s gonna be fine, you can do bio homework in your sleep—“

“Are you okay?” Ah, that’s Thor.

“Kid—“

And Nat, and Tony’s probably rushing over here as he speaks.

Then there’s another voice.

“We can only pray the reaper arrives early for his appointment with us, kid.”

Peter’s head snaps up.

Steve.

Steve fucking Rogers raises a coffee cup at him in salute and takes a sip. He makes a face.

“…that was definitely salt,” he mutters, before shrugging and downing the whole thing.

…what?

Peter’s still staring at him until he catches his gaze and winks.

Oh, fuck yes.

“Steven Grant Rogers,” Tony says, hands on his hips, “explain.”

Steve just gives him a look. “I grew up in the Great Depression, Tony, and I was in the army. You don’t think I have a fatalistic sense of humor?”

“Plus the fact that most of my generation is resorting to types of humor found when death and stress are so ever-present that you have to joke about it says something,” Peter adds, “doesn’t it?”

Steve raises his cup again. “See? He gets it.”

And just like that, the bond between Peter Parker and Steve Rogers was written, formed, and sealed in salt and existentialist depression.

“There’s two of you,” Tony mumbles, “oh my god, there’s two of you.”

“Oh, you just wait ’til Buck and Sam get back.”

Peter can’t fucking wait.

[katara0524]

Impromptu Ramblings about the NEO:TWEWY Demo

In case y'all weren't aware, I've been a pretty big fan of TWEWY for a couple years now, and with the sequel coming out next month, the excitement I feel for this game is greater than ever :) I played the Demo for the first time yesterday, and following a couple views of some livestreams of others playing it, I felt like sharing my (very ramble-y) thoughts prior to the release of the full game. This post WILL contain spoilers for both TWEWY and NEO:TWEWY, so if you want to avoid those from now on, please block the tags: #twewy spoilers, #ntwewy spoilers, #neo twewy spoilers, #ntwewy, and #neo twewy ^_^ Oh, and if you wanna keep up with any other posts I make about my experience with this game, please refer to the tag "kat plays neo twewy" :)

-First things first: I have not watched the Final Trailer and I don't plan on doing so to avoid spoilers, especially after the pre-release era of KH3 where a lot of the later trailers spoiled a lot of the endgame content. That being said, I've seen some minor screenshots from the final trailer including what many believe to be characters from the original TWEWY, namely Shiki and Joshua. That is all I know about the Final Trailer and I would very much like to remain as blind as possible going into NEO :)

-The very first cutscene was quite ominous in the sense that this game is likely going to be about "changing fate" (a recently common theme in Squeenix games, which I do appreciate), perhaps leading off from the end of A New Day in the OG and trying to stop an Inversion of Shibuya. Also worth noting that A New Day had similar aspects in which the main character experienced "future visions" of tragic events, although in A New Day these events were not able to be changed, while in NEO it seems like one of the main "powers" our protagonist has is specifically to rewrite these events and avoid a "bad ending." Very interesting indeed!

-I really like the revamped comic book style dialogue scenes, it's much more fluid and modern, which is an excellent direction for the series to take!

-I would love to have an actual PokemonGO knockoff of Final Fantasy creatures, please Squeenix that would be incredibleeeeee

-Also the LINE stickers??? Are so cute???

-I would just like to point out that Fret is an absolute treasure throughout this entire demo, he's hilarious and I will protect him with my life

-UHHHH don't like that Fret picked up some Reaper Pins just out of nowhere.....or the fact that they're apparently popular all over Shibuya.............did y'all not learn anything from the OG game or what lmao

-Okay so when I first got the "curry or ramen" scene and heard NPCs talking about the new curry place replacing the old ramen place I became IMMENSELY distressed that Ramen Don was totally cut from the game because....well, Ramen Don is a King okay?? But I'm glad to learn that no, he didn't fall off the face of the earth, he's still in business and he's the one opening the curry restaurant lolol. PHEW, crisis averted!

-.....I don't like the sudden appearance of a Wall Reaper and being able to read NPC thoughts. Wtf happened when they left the ramen place??? Are they playing the Game alive somehow?

-Okay so I have my own theories about this "Swallow" character and what they're up to but considering this is only the Demo and I still Have No Idea What's Happening, I'm just gonna say that I think Swallow intentionally led Rindo and Fret to the Crossing so they could join the Game. I mean, add in the fact that Swallow still communicates with Rindo during the Game and you've got yourself a suspicious character right there lol

-"Hey they're shooting off fireworks!" Fret honey that's not fireworks oof (see also: "*laughs* I'm in danger")

-WOOOOOO way to traumatize Rindo right off the bat like that LMAOO

-The visuals for the intro are VERY GOOD, the song is pretty decent until it gets all "screamo" (which I absolutely cannot stand sorry lol)

-Shoka is every Customer Service employee ever and I respect that

-Susukichi went from being "meh" to "WOW THIS GUY IS FUN" in the span of 10 seconds and I also respect that (he is also built like an Absolute Unit which is hilarious)

-The Wall Reapers (and just Reapers in general) seem.....way nicer and more helpful this time around?? Like in the OG the Wall Reapers were SO RUDE gfhjgjdfkhn and yeah I'm sure we'll get some like that but the juxtaposition of the first Wall Reaper in the OG compared to the first one in NEO is insane.

-The puzzles are quite a bit more entertaining this time around even if it's generally the same "fetch quest" formula lol

-"Rindo's Group" way to go Fret HFKJDGHSDFKJ mans really left the default name in there lmao

-OKAYOKAYOKAY so to those who aren't aware I am a MASSIVE SIMP for Sho Minamimoto, he's my absolute favorite and I think about him daily. HIS INTRODUCTION IS. INCREDIBLE. I LOVE IT SM.

-GOD hearing him actually SPEAK FULL SENTENCES is just SO SURREAL I love this sm

-Also the remix of his theme???? NEO TRANSFORMATION????? IT'S SO GOOD????????? It's like gone from a Boss Theme to a more triumphant sounding theme and I am HERE for it (every version of Transformation is just INCREDIBLE and getting a new one is even better)

-I Love Him, Your Honor

-Also idk how exactly but it's kinda weird seeing Sho in the OG vs NEO, cuz while he's mostly the same Insane Math-Obsessed Catboy, he's.....calmed down quite a bit?? Like OG made a whole point of how poorly he cooperates with others (not to mention just being completely unhinged and trying to kill everyone), whereas here in NEO he's......actually kinda working with others??? HELLO???? Sir what happened to you and Neku during those 3 years I would love to know all about it

-I guarantee you Sho is still probably scheming shite and will likely pull some total insane BS later down the road, and I am very much looking forward to that. Also, is he looking for a certain Pin or something??? Cuz he keeps talking about different Pins and even mentions "this is just another Psych Pin" like he's actively looking for a Pin to do something with. Maybe it also has to do with the "latent powers of Players" thing he mentioned as well??? What is this dude UP TO oml (also is he in contact with Neku at all?? they're both technically fugitives at this point right?? WHAT HAPPENED AFTER A NEW DAY I AM BEGGING YOU)

-I seems like Sho ALSO has an idea of what's going on in this specific game (even if he won't admit it straightforward). Per his quote "The game's 142,857. Factor it out," he's essentially saying, "This game is a neverending cyle, figure out how to get out of it" (or at least that's what I got from his "cyclic number" nonsense lolol)

-I do like how Sho mostly stays out of sight until he's needed for a battle or assisting with a mission, that's kind of on par with his whole "uncooperative" quirk from the OG, plus he might literally have to stay out of sight of other Reapers and Players considering he's likely breaking the rules of the Game (not surprising considering him and Neku broke practically every rule in the book during OG)

-The nicknames for Sho- I can't- They're so FUNNYYYY GFHJSDFKJ

-He goes from being called "Pi-Face" and "Tabooty" in OG to "Mr. Minami" and "M-Teezy" in NEO LMAOO

-(Wowee I just realized I've been mostly talking about Sho oopsies sorry y'all, this is what I meant by thinking about him almost daily he is THAT much of a fav of mine ghfkjsd)

-Okay RIP Fret and Rindo for not getting literally ANY explanation as to how the Game works OOF, that is kinda cringe that whoever gets the Pin earns points, not whoever erases the Noise (which like I understand but also URRRGGHHH I WANNA SEE THE SQUAD SUCCEED)

-"I should be going home now it's getting late" Oh you sweet summer child-

-Also love the mention of parents in this game???? KH you could learn a thing or two from TWEWY (poor Rindo's mom fhgjkdh)

-KUBO IS HILARIOUS I SUPPORT HIM AND HIS GROSS FACE (also thank you Final Trailer thumbnail for spoiling my suspicions about him very cool smh)

-Kaie is a LAD I also support him, go King type those funky texts I believe in you

-FRET PLS STOP SCANNING FHGJKSDHKJFGHFKJ he's like me when I scan in OG during Weeks 2 and 3 and see Taboo Noise coming after me ghfjdshfj

-Also Rindo can you stay off your phone for TWO SECONDS ik you're trying to figure things out but Fret is a jelly boi and I don't want him to be upset with you my guy

-Sho being an actual sorta mentor to the kiddos?? Who are you sir this is so unlike you ghfgskj what happened to the guy who tried shooting children in the face 8 times over LMAO (granted he's probably just using them but it's still nice to see him actually cooperating and sharing knowledge with the kiddos aaaaa)

-EYO EIJI OJI THE TIKTOK INFLUENCER IS BACK LMAO

-hgjkfshgkjf "we aren't glorifying capitalism on my watch" THATS SO FUNNY TO ME GFHJFSDGHJKS (also an all-orange ensemble is disgusting you deserve jail for one thousand years fkn Cheddar Goldfish Cheezit ass woman)

-WICKED TWISTERS NAME DROP EYOOO we love to see it

-gfhsgjf Poor Rindo embarassing himself for the sake of the Game that's incredible

-R e t u r n t o M O N K E. That is all.

-Dialogue during boss battles is HELLA cool i love that

-HHHHH THE KANON SCENE MADE ME A N G E R Y FRET STOP SIMPING MY GUY says the girl with a Literal Simp Encyclopedia and simps for pixels on a screen daily

-Can't wait to see the other Reapers :eyes emoji:

-CAN'T WAIT TO SEE NAGI MY BELOVED YEAHHHH WOOOOOO AAAAND that's about it for the demo lolol, I absolutely CANNOT wait for next month, this game is gonna be INCREDIBLE holy hell Prepare for more simping, more screaming, and more vibing from Yours Truly :) I fully intend on sharing more general thoughts like this on both Tumblr and Twitter so it's not just reblog-retweet-reblog-retweet with the occasional comment fhgskjd

If you wanna witness my insanity up close and personal I have a Square Enix Discord server called Sea Side Dreamers! You can look it up on Disboard, or you can add me on Discord @Katara0524#9244 for a direct link :) We have topics about Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, NieR, and ofc TWEWY (as well as other topics!), so if you want some good ol' chaos and chitchat, you're more than welcome to join!

[shattersstar]

mac pls rant to me about alucard like literally talk about anything relating to him idc he just lives in my mind rent free already and I want to hear ur thots 🥺🥺 and u know how much I love ur writing like only u can make me simp over a character i've never heard about until after reading ur series

in this house we all simp over alucard 😌 but tyy i always have so many thoughts omg like i woke up after four hrs of sleep and this fucking show was the first thing on my mind snksndsk anyway imma talk abt the series bc i feel like it sorta came outta nowhere and i dont wanna bore the masses with my thoughts on character design or like animation style (not yet at least hehehe)

okay first of all the fact sm of u guys r reading this without knowing anything about him or the show or anything is so sweet like y’all really sticking through it for me..i appreciate it endlessly. this ranting might also be kinda helpful and idk i like hearing writers thoughts behind their work so i hope y’all do to

the title comes from farouq jwaydeh i found it on that twitter thread about arabic love poems that went around a few months ago. i actually wasn’t planning on naming the series that but the doc where i was working on each part had the quote “and if the devil was to ever see you, he’d kiss your eyes and repent” in it because i was planning on writing smth for alucard based of that and the more i thought about it, the more i realized how well it worked for the series. its so romantic and so devoted which is the type of relationship i do be writing and it also works within a lot of the religious themes of the show. if i could write that well it lowkey sounds like smth alucard would say akhfsk

and speaking of alucard, ik the fact he has two names might be a bit confusing especially with how i formatted bluebelle (whoops) but the characters name is adrian tepes but he goes by alucard for Reasons i wont spoiler lmao. aches & arches does do a decent job explaining y i choose to call him adrian instead, but in the future if i do write stuff outside this series for him there is definitely a chance he’d be called alucard it just really depends on context. i just think there is something very personal and intimate that the reader is very serious about the fact he isn’t a figure for the masses or only tied to his father. hes his own person who they love and they deserve to be called a name that is their own not a moniker given to them y’know? also the fact i dont think anyone actually calls him adrian in the show makes me sad like noo baby ur so much more than what ur father and Humanity has made u out to be ahaha

idk if i have mentioned this anywhere yet but this is also the first series ive ever written in like my....4? 5? years writing on tumblr (ew i dont wanna think about how long ive been doing this) but thats kind of a big deal. i’m a bit :/ with myself for how much stuff i tried to add to bluebelle because i really didnt think i was gonna write anything else for him so it feels a bit cramped in terms of themes in comparison to the other parts. i feel like it does stick out a little within the series considering some of those themes havent been explored again but ehh i’m complaining about something i can change so whelp. guess it means i gotta write more

although i must admit i’m probably not gonna write a wedding and i’m sorry if u guys wanted one i just...can’t Bring myself to write a christian wedding even tho i’m pretty sure alucard is atheist? or at least not catholic lmao and i would rather write a hindu wedding bc its better (noah fence) and i think the ideas? or meanings around hindu wedding ceremonies make sense for this but i dont wanna be alienating so.yeah. that also feels like i gotta start writing a plot and i would rather Not do that i’m fine with mindlessly fluff for now. idk if anyone can tell but i’m avoiding the whole vampire and human relationship convo bc i havent figured out my thoughts on it and i dont wanna deal. let adrian live in a soft fantasy world with no bad things okay thanks thats all .

[officialleotolstoy]

Oh Dolokhov/Hélène Brainrot We’re Really In It Now, aka Dolokhov/Hélène playlist annotations!

I stole several songs from a playlist my friends have and I’m not gonna put those on this list, I won’t pretend I came up with those

The ship playlists (since they aren’t for canon couples) are very much based on my headcanons. We don’t get to see them interact literally ever so I’ve just extrapolated what I can. Several of these songs are at least alluding to sex, I don’t really think they actually slept together for various reasons I can enumerate if someone asks, but it’s more about the vibes of the song.

Casual Affair - Panic! At The Disco

It’s literally in the title. Bestie how much more explanation do you need? I don’t even like this song but it’s got the right energy

Those Nights - Bastille

“Aren’t we all just looking for a little bit of hope these days? Looking for somebody you can wake up with?”

Being drawn to each other because of mutual loneliness is a Thing in my interpretation of their relationship, and this hits the nail on the head.

But It’s Better If You Do - Panic! At The Disco

“Praying for love and paying in naïveté”

Again, mutual loneliness and desperation for anything resembling love. Also the “isn’t this exactly where you like me” bit fits because they won’t admit to liking each other outside of their weird intimate moments.

Hurricane - Panic! At The Disco

“Drop our anchors in a storm”

The circumstances of their lives arent super fun at the moment so they find refuge in each other but in a very weird kind of unhealthy way! “We are a hurricane” sort of alludes to knowing that you’re causing problems/your relationship isn’t great.

Almost (Sweet Music) - Hozier

“I’m almost me again, she’s almost you”

It’s about not really being In Love but kind of convincing yourself you are because it makes you feel better in the circumstances. I don’t think either of them were fully into their relationship for various reasons. Not as in they didn’t want the other, more that they were both too aware it would never work for long.

Hall & Oates - Satchmode

“I want to be in love again, with you”

This one’s about wanting the idea of love and companionship more than you actually like the other person, which I feel like kind of fits. This song is framed as one person in love with the other and one hesitating, but i think this works for both of them to hesitate.

Feel Something - Jaymes Young

“Touch me, someone, I’m too young to feel so numb”

The I have tried like six times and I can’t word why I think this song works. I don’t even like it, I skip it every time, but I think it’s got something to do with loneliness and desperation for love driving them to look for it in places they wouldn’t normally? Who knows. Send me an ask if u do.

Another Place - Bastille

“Don’t make promises to me that you’re gonna break”

They could never actually be together for SO many reasons and I think they’re both pretty aware of that. They have no desire to pretend that their relationship is anything other than what it is (“we only ever wanted one thing from this”).

When You Were Young - The Killers

“You sit there in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy to save you”

I do not think Hélène expected Dolokhkov to save her from anything except maybe monotony and loneliness, but this song slaps and if I can stretch the lyrics to work, I will

broken - lovelytheband

“I could be lonely with you”

Almost every song on here (including this one) is just. We’re messed up and I know we won’t really find love in each other but we might find solace for a while and be less lonely so uhhhhh wanna kiss me or what

Bleed Magic - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

“You stand up, stand up, before I drag you down”

They are NOT good for each other! Toxic relationships uwu

Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood

I believe in bi4bi Hélène/Dolokhov

Enemy Fire - Bea Miller

“Sweet words from a serpent’s tongue”

This song is kinda complicated and parts of it don’t fit but the energy of “everything sucks including you but at least we can hide from the suckiness together” is sorta there. Originally I just added it for the soldier vibes because I was testing out songs but I realized i can fit some of the lyrics so on the playlist it goes

Angel of the Small Death and the Codeine Scene - Hozier

“Her sweetened breath and her tongue so mean”

They are horrible and cold to each other as a love language. This song is essentially just “Wow my evil scary gf is so hot” and you’re right Fyodor. She is.

Shut Up and Dance - WALK THE MOON

I won’t lie this one’s mostly a joke, I just think the vibes of telling someone to shut up as (maybe because) you’re falling in love with them is Dolokhov/Hélène energy. Ignore all the parts about wanting to be with her forever and her being his destiny that is not why I added it.

Lone Ranger - Rachel Platten

“I’m just gonna leave, ‘cause baby I’m a lone ranger”

I do not think Dolokhov was intending to stay with her forever at all. Very rude of him. However, she probably also knew it wouldn’t last forever, she’s not stupid.

House of Memories - Panic! At The Disco

“Promise me a place in your house of memories”

This is very much post-duel, their relationship has fizzled out but it was pretty important (do I mean emotionally or to the plot? I’ll never tell) and deserves to be remembered.

American Beauty/American Psycho - Fall Out Boy

“I’m the best worst thing that hasn’t happened to you yet”

SO MANY of these lyrics are so good for them like. Hélène’s beautiful Dolokhov’s a psycho... “you take the full truth and you pour some out” can you imagine them being open and honest with each other? Yeah, me neither. “We were pity sex” They were just sad and lonely! That was what allowed anything to happen at all in my head (not sex but bear with me it’s not my fault those are the lyrics). “All those dirty thoughts of me, they were never yours to keep” because Hélène is married to someone else, they really have no right to think of each other that way.

Sk8er Boi - Avril Lavigne

“He wasn’t good enough for her”

UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. Hélène’s complaints about Dolokhov staying with them are just the quoted lyric. “They had a problem with his baggy clothes” yeah Dolokhov’s not as rich and bougie and the rest of them and he’s certainly rough around the edges. And then the skater boy ending with a successful music career vs Dolokhov ending with a successful military career and a great reputation and both the women in the songs having sad endings...I’m not wrong.

Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet - Fall Out Boy

“Does your husband know the way that the sunshine gleams from your wedding band?”

The affair vibes. The AFFAIR VIBES. And the concept of “I will never end up like him [the husband]/ behind my back I already am” in reference to using Hélène and deciding he hates her right after deciding she’s hot...okay! I see you kinning Pierre, Dolokhov. You ARE being just like her husband :/

You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi

“Shot through the heart and you’re to blame”

This is just Dolokhov’s massive I Hate Women monologue condensed. Stop blaming beautiful women for YOUR attraction to them maybe 🔫

Death Valley - Fall Out Boy

“Don’t take love off the table yet”

This is not a table sex joke this is not a table sex joke this is not a table sex joke this is n-

I didnt add it for that reason it was about a vibe but then. I realized. Now the original reason doesn’t even matter.

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner - Fall Out Boy

“I’ll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake”

Tell me the quoted lyric does not SCREAM Hélène/Dolokhov. You can’t. Also “I’ll weigh you down I’ll watch you choke/You look so good in blue” really captures hatred as a love language.

This is Love - Air Traffic Controller

Ok I stole this from my friends’ playlist but I did want to explain it because it’s not JUST Dolokhov and Hélène in my mind. The whole jealous fool second verse gives me Pierre around the duel energy as well

Bad Boy - Cascada

“Be my weekend lover but don’t be my friend”

Bernie Sanders voice I am once again asking you to hear me out about the unironic meme songs on my War and Peace character playlists. It’s got the refusal to admit that she actually likes hanging out with him down. The line “after some time you just pushed me aside” referring to Dolokhov teasing Pierre about their affair because he got bored. “I dont need you in my life again”...YEAH I’m fairly sure they dont interact in canon again after that.

Hayloft - Mother Mother

“My daddy’s got a gun”

This song started playing on accident once when I was listening to this playlist and I was like huh. It fits though. The gun thing is twofold: 1) Though he is not her father, Pierre does have a gun in the duel and 2) I think Vassily would happily shoot Dolokhov for his relationships with Vassily’s kids. It’s also just the general forbidden love vibes mixed with the violence vibes.

affection - BETWEEN FRIENDS

“I’m looking for affection in all the wrong places and we’ll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”

Have I been clear enough about my thesis that their relationship is based in mutual loneliness? Also, I like the acknowledgment that this is in fact the wrong place. I think they’re both very aware of that.

Walk Away - Franz Ferdinand

“Yes I’m cold but not as cold as you are”

This song is for them post-duel. Especially the “I cannot stand to see those eyes as apologies may rise/I must be strong, stay an unbeliever” because 1) I hear the word eyes, I think of Dolokhov and 2) I think she’s too smart to believe any apology he would give her, she knows he doesn’t really mean it. The song kinda reads as someone trying to convince themselves they’re happy that the relationship is over, which I think is definitely what happens for both of them.

Van Horn - Saint Motel

“Tell me do you hate me? Or do you wanna date me?”

Obsessed with the dynamic of “I like you but that’s embarrassing for both of us I’m gonna act like I hate you instead”

[spilledinkstories]

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Rebecca?

Spoiler-free review! in which I make no effort to sound intellectual I just really enjoyed the book lol.

Okay. I have been meaning to get around to reading Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier for some time now. 

As legend informs us, nothing inspires bookworms to read like the impending release of the movie version of a story, so I finally read the thing. 

Gurl. 

When I tell you it was not what I expected....

Maxim de Winter was quite something to contend with. I will say some of the ideas of how a woman should love her husband were very “of the 1930s” or whatever, but I’ll just leave that there. Ya just shake your head and roll with it while you enjoy the story, and try to forget about it later. 

Like really though...when he asks her if she loves him, she being 21 and he being 42, she says “you are my father, brother, and son...” 

My dude a simple yes would have sufficed, but alas.

That said...

There was something really refreshing about reading a classic novel where the leading lady is so painfully aware of her youth and ignorance. Like, it is constantly referred to and abhorred. She’s always like “it would be great if I didn’t feel like crying at any given moment,” and like she’ll hear people come into the house that she is the mistress of, and she legit hides behind doors and skedaddles into other rooms. Like what a mood, this is me in my day to day life tryna avoid feeling embarrassed in very simple circumstances lol. So yeah that was a lighthearted touch to an otherwise fairly dark novel. 

Also, it was hilarious and relatable and weirdly comforting to have a main character in a stylish sort of period drama where she’s constantly inventing little realities in her head, and being massively relieved when they don’t come to pass. It’ll be in the middle of a situation or plot point or whatever, and suddenly you’ll just have this page-long inner monologue where she’s predicting all the ways the thing is going to ruin her entire life, and then it....doesn’t???? and she’s like...??? Okay. And then rinse and repeat for every situation literally lol.

One of the best quotes I’ve come across in a long time was “I became a martyr to my own inferiority complex”, which is such a huge thread throughout this book! In the story she is so convinced that everyone is talking shit about her behind her back, that without actually having proof that they’re doing so, she teaches herself not only to believe it, but that she deserves it. She says something like she takes everything as a personal blow, when the comments to a mature ear would have landed lightly. I couldn't help but think how many times I’ve decided to be oversensitive and misinterpret what people are saying/meaning, and how many people I know who do the same.

And then the WAY that the plot twist hits mid-way through boiiiii I should have seen it coming but I simply didn’t. 

Like I really don’t wanna give anything away, but assumption and made-up versions of reality are such a thiiiinnnggg in this booooook my gooodddd its good. Okay? It’s good. 

Also...the movie looks like it wants to be really stylish and serious and aesthetically pleasing, which is great I love a good pretty movie, but I really hope it manages to capture her character as this shy, slightly ridiculous young girl who’s desperately trying to please/do right, without wanting to be noticed sorta thing. wishing she was perfect but also invisible. That made no sense. But I hope the movie captures her. :)

honourable mentions: 

adorable puppers Jasper

Angssssstttt

gothic setting - castle by the sea, in England? absofreakinlutely my man

great garden moments

creepy house keeper lady

actual tense moments and dark moments like yikes sometimes

ridiculous upperclassmen and people who wish to be them

the prose are you kidding me as soon as I finished it I wanted to start right over again

is it a ghost story? A thriller? Procedural drama? A romance?

In conclusion, yaaassssssss.

It’s a book that made me think long and hard about how I look at the world as a young anxious person. But in a non-confrontational, non annoying way. Like, not in a John Green kinda way (and I love John Green). Its in a “walk with me, be scared with me, cry with me” way. You don’t have to relate to her, but like chances are at least some past version of yourself probably will.  

You think you know what people think of you? You don’t. They’re probably not so bad, most people. 

You think you know who someone else is, based on the countless scenarios you’ve spun out in your mind and then reacted to, and maybe even based your own worth on? You’re wrong. 

You think you know who you’re going to be next week, or a month from now? Something or someone could come and shake your life by its shoulders, and you’d never have seen it coming. 

So...idk lol be open minded, be kind to yourself, gentle, courageous, and read Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier. 

[trashmemes]

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND SENTENCE STARTERS quotes pulled from the 2004 film. feel free to make alterations.

today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.

i ditched work today.

i guess i just woke up in a funk this morning.

why do i fall in love with every woman i see, who shows me the least bit of attention

okay if i sit closer?

i’m a vindictive little bitch, truth be told.

i’m a little out of sorts today.

you’re not a stalker or anything, right?

i’m sorry if i came off sorta nutso. i’m not, really.

did you wanna have a drink?

drink up, young man. it’ll make the whole seduction part less repugnant.

my life isn’t that interesting - i go to work, i come home. don’t know what to say.

i’m not wasting one second of the little time i have.

i’m gonna marry you.

you should stay.

show me which constellations you know.

i don’t want to seem desperate.

we’ve got a very long night ahead of us.

i assume you fucked someone tonight. isn’t that how you get people to like you?

i can’t believe you did this to me.

i don’t wanna hear this shit!

i want to have a baby.

do you really think you could take care of a kid?

i can never the fuck understand what you’re saying.

i don’t wanna talk about this!

it’s you who can’t commit to anything!j

maybe i should end this right here!

you don’t tell me things. i’m an open book. i tell you everything, every damn embarrassing thing.

you don’t trust me.

constantly talking isn’t necessarily communicating.

do you love me?

i’m lost, i’m scared, i feel like i’m disappearing.

nothing makes any sense.

can’t believe i’m crying already.

sometimes i think people don’t understand how lonely it is to be a kid.

don’t ever leave me.

i’m just happy. i’ve never felt that before.

i’m just exactly where i wanna be.

just tell me everything you remember.

i want to go home.

sweetie, calm down.

there’s nothing wrong with you.

you’re the most wonderful person i’ve ever met.

why can’t you see i love you?

i’ve loved you for a very long time.

this is a one-time mistake!

didn’t figure you’d show your face around me again.

i’d like to, um, take you out or something.

i’m telling you right off the bat. i’m high maintenance.

if you wanna be with me, you’re with me.

i still thought you were gonna save my life, even after that.

it would be different if we could just give it another go around.

i had these fantasies of us being married and having kids.

i remember being drawn to you even then.

i wish you’d stayed.

i saw you talking to somebody pretty.

i take it you’re not coming back.

do you swear you didn’t know?

i feel like you’re mad at me, and i don’t know what i did.

i love you so much. i’ll do anything to make you happy.

tell me what you want me to do, and i’ll do it.

i had the best fucking night of my entire fucking life last night.

i don’t like myself when i’m with him.

i don’t like myself anymore.

i can’t stand to even look at him.

are you screwing with me?

i’m sorry i yelled at you.

the world’s a goddamn mess.

it really hurts me that you said that.

i’m sorry about all this.

i don’t really think i can be here.

i thought i knew her so well, but i don’t know her at all.

what a loss to spend that much time with someone, only to find out that she’s a stranger.

i’m not a concept. i’m just a fucked-up girl who’s looking for my own peace of mind.

i can’t see anything that i don’t like about you.

i’ll get bored with you and feel trapped, because that’s what happens with me.