#sorta kinda since i drew it a few months back | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

theharddeck · 2 years ago

Text

you stole my heart right off of my lips (jake seresin x f!reader)

pairing: jake 'hangman' seresin xfem!reader

synopsis: jake and his girlfriend act out his admiral kink (that's it that's literally the whole fic)

wc: 5.4k

warnings: the usual, y’all know the drill—this fic is 18+ due to explicit content, minors please DNI— m!receiving oral sex, rank kink, some degradation and condescension, overstimulation (idk if crying is implicit in that but yes, reader is overwhelmed, folks), unprotected PiV sex, and, le piece de resistance, dirty talk and swearing

a/n: i wrote this in one rabid afternoon, as a follow up to can't unfeel that, which itself is a follow up to kinda might, sorta like, love you a little bit. it doesn't super come up, but reader is a pilot, just like Jake...ty @gigisimsonmars for giving me the idea to work this kink into their established relationship, @bradshawsbitch for letting me brainstorm at you and also making sure i didn’t get carried away, and that one anon who suggested 🐈 slapping.

You paused outside Jake’s office door, smoothing your hands over the crisp white cotton of the apron you wore. It happened to be the only thing you wore, save a pair of heels that normally only made appearances for high school friends’ weddings.

On the one hand, a generation of suffragettes were pinwheeling in their graves.

On the other hand, it was your six month anniversary of being official, you were about to act out a fantasy Jake’d shared a few weeks ago, and sorry to those ladies, but if they had six feet of naval aviator on the other side of the door, they'd do the same.

You drew in a deep breath and knocked on the office door, before pushing it open quietly.

The room was quiet, the clacking of keys echoing as Jake typed away on some kind of report or another. He didn’t look over at you, but his jaw clenched lightly when he heard the door close, already in character. He wore his khaki uniform, which you’d both agreed to pretend had extra stars on the collar and stripes on the sleeve, and square glasses perched on his nose.

“Not right now, honey, I’ve got to get these done.” His voice was lower, pitched that way, an air of authority in the terse words that sent a flush of heat over your skin.

“But I’m bored,” you said, a pout in your voice, “since your promotion, you’ve been holed up in here; I never get to see you.”

“Baby, I–” Jake looked up from the computer, and his jaw slackened as he took in your getup.

“Jesus, woman,” he said, reverently.

You smiled triumphantly, toying with the hem of the apron, waiting for him to regain his composure. He cleared his throat, but when his eyes flicked up to you, there was concern in them.

“Is this okay,” he asked quietly, sounding almost nervous, “like, I know we agreed, but…”

You shifted on your heels, causing the apron riding up your thighs; it was sweet that he was concerned, but when you started dating a military man from Texas, you knew the 1950s housewife schtick would be easy ammunition.

“Is it working for you?” you asked.

Jake’s jaw clenched again, and his eyes darkened as they ran down your body. “I mean, yeah,” he muttered, torn between embarrassed and turned on.

“Then it’s not too much,” you told him.

Jake looked at you for a moment longer, and then he nodded, more to himself than to you, turning back to the computer. The room was quiet as he started typing again, and when he looked back at you, his stern composure was back in place.

“If you wanted to see more of me,” he drawled, not pausing his typing, “you’d let me finish my work without interrupting me, so I could finish faster.”

You pushed away from the door, sashaying across the office.

Each sauntering step brushed your breasts against the crisp material of the apron, combining with the cold of the room to stiffen your nipples. You knew Jake clocked it, his eyes darting over from behind the glasses, even as his head remained angled towards the monitor, keeping a pretense of focus. You walked to behind his desk, turning his chair by the back of it to bring him eye level with your tits. He drew in a sharp breath, and he leaned towards you almost instinctively, before his hands tightened on the arms of the chair.

“It’s not an interruption,” you said lightly, sinking to your knees, “if you keep working.”

“Honey…” Jake’s tone was stern, but he did nothing to stop you as you crawled under his desk.

The chair squeaked as he turned himself back to the computer, and you settled back on your thighs underneath the desk. It was more cramped than you’d anticipated, but nothing you couldn’t work with. A moment later, you heard the keys start up again, and you lifted your hands to Jake’s thighs.

Through the fabric, his legs were warm, and your thumbs ran up the inseam along the inside of his pants, rubbing lightly. Jake always sat with his legs spread, a menace on airplanes, but you knew what was between his thighs, so you never complained. Even now, you saw the impression of his cock grow more prominent against the seat of his pants. Smoothing your hands over his thighs, you licked your lips as your hands trailed higher.

“Baby,” he warned, but you didn’t stop your ministrations. It truly wasn’t your fault; you loved the feel of him.

“Come on, Admiral,” you teased, hearing his breath catch at the title, “you can multitask. You’ve been working so hard…let me make you feel good while you finish your reports.”

Your hand made it to the tops of his thighs, splaying out over his hips before your fingers teased his hardening cock. Jake grunted as you traced a nail down the length of him, and he shifted in the seat as your other hand toyed with the zipper.

“Fine,” he muttered. “You can keep my dick warm while I finish this paperwork.”

You rolled your eyes to yourself, amused that he was taking the angle of letting you give him head. That said, there was something particular in his cadence, as he bit out the words, but you didn’t dwell on it.

“Thank you, Admiral,” you said, dryly, as you unzipped his pants.

You wondered absently what nonsense Jake was typing into the computer as you slipped your hand into his pants, humming contentedly to yourself as your fingers closed around him.

Jake drew in a sharp breath as you pulled him out, but he kept typing, shifting his hips slightly while you pushed the slacks down over his hips.

You ran your hand over the hair on the top of his thighs, smoothing over him and then coming up to grip the base of his cock. You fisted him loosely, reveling in the feeling of him hardening further in your hand. You spit into your palm, running your saliva up his length, and you bit your lip when your fingers couldn’t close around him.

Fuck, he was so thick.

Hot, heavy in your hand, and you knew how well he’d fill you, stretch you…but not yet.

You pulled your hand up his length, your thumb brushing over his head. A pearly drop of precum leaked from his tip and you cooed at the sight, before your thumb pulled the fluid down to mix with your spit. Jake shifted slightly, the clacking on the keyboard faltering, but he continued typing as you admired your (ha) handiwork.

“I said you could keep me warm; what part of that was unclear?” Jake asked, his voice sharp as you continued to tease him instead of taking him into your mouth. Something about the cadence was familiar, and it snagged in your subconscious before recognition flashed.

Holy shit.

He was mimicking the way Cyclone talked.

A wave of fondness washed over you at the respect and borderline idolatry with which Jake regarded Admiral Simpson. It was so sweet, and a complete contradiction to the lackadaisical way with which he pretended to regard authority.

But when your boyfriend’s hand darted under the desk to curl around the back of your head and pull your mouth towards his cock, all thoughts of your commanding officer fled from your head. No, all there was room for was Jake–the musky smell of him, the heat and length of him, the way your mouth was watering as you leaned towards him.

You reached out with your tongue to lick at him, tasting the salt of his precum as your tongue swirled over his head. Jake let out a low sigh, and your thighs clenched together at the taste of him. Your lips closed over his head, your tongue running along his frenulum as you took him deeper into your mouth.

“Good girl,” Jake muttered, and you whimpered around his cock as his words sent a pulse of heat through you. He was heavy on your tongue, his salty taste filling your mouth and you pushed yourself further up him.

When he hit the back of your throat, you gagged, and Jake cursed softly. But he didn’t pull back and neither did you, so after a moment of counting your breathing, you relaxed your throat and took him deeper.

When your nose brushed against the hair at the base of his cock, you moaned, shifting your thighs.

You felt so full of him, his cock blocking your airflow and setting the world a gorgeous kind of hazy. After you’d held him in your throat for a minute, you pulled back, loving the drag of his cock through your mouth. You released him with a soft pop, spit dripping from your mouth to his tip and your core clenched at the sight.

God, it was such a pretty cock.

Thick and long, slightly curved, a long vein running along the side of it. You traced along the vein before you worked over him with your hand, twisting around the base. You licked your way up the length of him before feeding him back into your mouth, working him with your lips and hand together. You could hear Jake’s breathing growing uneven, the sound of his ragged breaths making the ache between your thighs almost unbearable. You drew in a deep breath before taking him deeper, determined to focus on him. You took him to the back of your throat a few times, before Jake’s hand reappeared at the back of your head.

“Nah, baby,” Jake said, his voice stern, through his breathlessness. “We said no distractions. Now that I’m all slicked up, you’re going to cockwarm me.”

You whimpered, but nodded, knowing he could feel the motion from his grip on our hair. A moment later, his hand was gone, as you relaxed your throat to take him deeper.

You gagged twice before he was fully seated, but you were determined, and Jake’s soft moan when your nose brushed against his stomach was worth it.

You were breathing through your nose carefully as he sat heavily on your tongue, your mind going blissfully blank. Your eyes were streaming, and your jaw ached, but it felt so fucking good to have him like this. You felt so full, content and warmed by having him in you, and you blinked slowly, willing yourself to remain still.

“Such a good girl,” Jake praised, and you heard the stapler click as he rearranged some papers, “choking on my cock while I finish working.”

You whimpered as you felt moisture pooling between your thighs, leaking out of you. Time felt like maple syrup as you sat there, thigh burning, jaw aching, anchored by the weight of Jake’s cock in your mouth. Saliva was dribbling out the corners of your mouth, breathing was a thing you had to trust your subconscious to do; if you thought about it, you were going to choke.

Which was how you ended up accidentally swallowing.

You couldn’t help it, your throat bobbing over Jake’s cock, and you heard him drop the stapler as his hips jerked forward. You choked, Jake swore, and you heard his glasses clatter on the desk before he was pulling you off him, his hands gripping your upper arms as he pushed his chair back and pulled you out from under the desk.

You gasped, pulling in air, eyes streaming as you looked down at Jake as he leaned you against the edge of his desk. You whimpered at the look on his face, the green of his eyes nearly lost in the black of his pupils, a red flush over his skin, his jaw tight.

“What part of ‘do not distract me’ is so hard to understand?” he growled, and you fully whined, shaking your head. Your lungs were still recovering, your skin felt aflame, and you felt so empty, after having had him so deep in you just a moment ago.

“I’m sorry,” you rasped, your voice hoarse and Jake lifted his chin as he arched an eyebrow. He reached down, flipping up the hem of your apron, and your body jerked as cold air swept over your skin.

“Jake–” you gasped, but he silenced you with a look as he reached between your thighs.

He palmed you roughly, his thick fingers spreading through your folds and your hips canted towards his touch. When his hand pulled back, his fingers glistened with your arousal, and he hummed, a low sound that vibrated through his chest.

“That doesn’t feel like sorry, baby,” he said, low, and he pressed his fingers against your mouth. He smeared your arousal over your lips, and when you moaned, he shoved his fingers into your mouth.

“Suck,” he said, and your eyes fell closed as you did, tasting how wet he’d made you, how badly you needed him in you.

“Such a dirty girl,” Jake muttered, pulling his fingers out and returning them to your cunt. “So needy for me, aren’t you? I said you can keep me warm, and you just had to fuck your face onto my cock, didn’t you?”

His fingers pulled through your folds again, gathering more of your slick before he raised his hands to his own lips. You both groaned when he licked his fingers, him at your taste and you at the expression of rapture on his face.

“So fucking sweet, baby,” Jake groaned. “How am I supposed to stay mad at you?”

You didn’t have words, couldn’t think of any, could only whine at how empty you felt, how badly you needed him, any part of him, whatever he’d let you have. Your eyes hadn’t stopped streaming and you realized you were actively crying, your body wound tight from his touch and his words, and he’d barely touched you.

“Where’s your words, baby?” Jake taunted, his hand falling back to your core. “Sucked my cock so good, you can’t even ask for it again?”

Your hands were clutching at him weakly, and you moaned when Jake palmed you, his broad hand cupping you, and he hummed, approvingly.

“Baby girl,” Jake said, his thumb flicking over your clit. “I try to work hard, provide for you, but you can’t leave me in peace…have to be choking on my cock, and even that isn’t enough, is it, you need my fingers now, don’t you?”

You nodded, feverishly, body shaking, and you moaned in relief when he pushed a finger into you. His thick finger speared into your cunt but he barely gave you time to adjust before he added another, and you would’ve fallen back except Jake shot to his feet, planting himself between your legs and pulling you into his upper body.

You draped against his chest weakly, tears leaking into his khakis, whimpering when his fingers curled deeper into you.

“Taking me so well, fuck,” Jake muttered, scissoring his fingers inside of you. “You got so fucking wet from choking on my cock…shit, baby, listen to that hungry pussy.”

The sounds echoed around his office, his fingers pulling through your juices, and your ragged breathing.

“Please,” you whimpered, begged, the unrelenting press of his fingers driving you higher and higher, “please, I’m so close…”

Jake scoffed, adding a third finger roughly, making you wail. “What, you think you deserve to cum, baby?”

You sobbed, either from his words or from the stretch of him, you couldn’t tell. Your thighs were beginning to shake, and Jake laughed again; his hand curled at the back of your neck, cradling you gently, while his other hand was driving you mad between your legs.

“Interrupting my work,” he said, “dressed like a little slut, practically begging to suck me off and now making a mess on my desk? You think you’ve been good enough to cum?”

You shook your head against his chest, and Jake chuckled darkly.

“Luckily for you, darlin’,” he muttered, turning his head to press a kiss into your hair, “I want to fuck you more than I want to punish you. So you’re going to come on my fingers, so I can get my dick wet, okay?”

God, that sounded so good.

Jake was stroking deep into you, and his thumb brushed over your clit, causing your body to convulse around him.

“That’s it,” Jake soothed, unrelenting. “I know you’re close, let me feel it, baby, come for me so I can fuck that pretty pussy, make room for me, come on now–”

He pressed down on your clit and you moaned, your body collapsing against him as your orgasm ripped out of you. You felt your body go boneless, distilled to the pulsing pressure Jake had stroked between your legs. You might’ve screamed, you might’ve fainted, the office a kaleidoscope of heat and sensation but before you could recover, Jake was already moving you.

“So fucking beautiful, my needy, gorgeous girl. You did so good for me, baby, and you’re going to do better, now, c’mere…”

He sat back down in his office chair, pulling you onto his lap. You went without reservation, limbs still numb from the force of your orgasm, body lax enough that Jake could feed you onto his hard cock, bobbing between you.

Fuck, the stretch of him.

You felt him in every fiber of your being, enormous and pulsing and what you’d been aching for. Jake groaned as you pressed down onto him, gravity and your orgasm easing the stretch, but still slow. Your heels dangled above the floor, his hands on your waist and his cock deep in you, grounding you like an anchor. When your hips met his, you weren’t sure you could breathe, you felt so absolutely full of him.

“You with me, darlin’?” Jake asked gruffly, smoothing a hand over your hair as he settled. His voice was tight, and you clenched down on him at the sound of it. You nodded wordlessly, finding strength to push yourself off his chest to look up at him.

“Feels so good, Jake,” you whispered.

“That’s a good girl,” he said softly, brushing a featherlight finger across your cheek, wiping some of your tears, before his back straightened.

“Alright, baby,” he said, voice low, back into the fantasy, “you wanted this cock so bad, are you gonna fuck yourself on it?”

You felt yourself clench down on him at his words, craving the motion of his cock inside of you. But when you reached down, your feet couldn’t touch the floor, and you couldn’t find leverage to push yourself off of him, much less fuck him, like he’d asked. You tried rolling your hips, but the smallest motion had your clit brushing up against his stomach, overwhelming to the point of pain, combined with how stuffed you were with his cock.

“Can’t…” you managed, frustration lacing your voice, trying to rock your hips again, but the movement produced the same effect. “I need to feel you but I can’t—”

“Shhh,” Jake soothed you gently, his hands smoothing from your hips to under your ass. You whimpered as his strong fingers gripped you, spread you, guided your motion over his lap. With your legs spread over his, when he flexed his hips, he pushed so deep in you you swore you could feel him in your throat. Gentle enough to keep you grounded, deep enough to keep you breathless, Jake fucked you slowly.

“Have to do everything for you, don’t I, princess,” he murmured, his voice low in your ear. You wanted to protest, but it was true; you felt wrung out and weightless and he was the one who got you that way.

Jake laughed, shortly. “Goddamn, I love it though. This cunt is so tight, squeezing me so good, and it’s so hot knowing you’re so weak for it you can’t even get yourself off, nah, you need me for that too…”

Your fingers wound into his hair as you clung to him, drunk on the feeling of his thick cock inside of you, his strong hands lifting you.

“Need you,” you babbled, repeating his words and Jake grunted when you pulled his hair. His hands drifted up from your ass to the small of your back where the apron was tied.

“Get this off, baby,” he ordered, and you let go of his hair to mess with the tie around your neck as well.

The apron fell to the floor and Jake hummed in approval as he leaned back to look at you, naked and writhing in his lap, your heels dangling above the floor.

“How the fuck did you think you couldn’t be a distraction, baby?” he murmured, leaning forward. His hands returned to your ass, lifting you again, as his mouth closed over your breasts. You moaned, your head falling back, as he pulled one of your nipples into his mouth. He laved his tongue over you, sucked at you, teased you with his teeth and licked over you, and you were lost in the swirling sensation. Your body was still tingling from your first orgasm but when he rolled your nipple between his teeth, you felt it like a chord tied straight in your cunt. You knew you could get there again, but you knew it would entirely overwhelm you.

Unfortunately, Jake knew it too.

“What’s this, baby,” he mumbled into your breast as he kissed his way to your other nipple. “You’re already feeling the next one coming, aren’t ya, that needy cunt going to come for me again?”

You shook your head, determined to stave it off, but Jake laughed darkly, his lips closing over you and his cheeks fucking hollowing as he sucked you hard.

“Too bad it’s not up to you if you come, is it, princess?”

He released you from his mouth, blowing cool air over your breasts and you moaned at the contrast. Jake was back on you in a moment, licking and laving and sucking and nipping at you, and soon your hips were bucking down to meet him, even as your body screamed in protest.

“That’s right, darlin’,” Jake encouraged, another slow thrust that had you seeing stars. “Chasing after me, even when you think you know better. Don’t be stubborn, baby, let go.”

You moaned, lifting your head to look down at him. What you saw when you opened your eyes—Jake’s hips thrusting his thick cock into you, his eager tongue lapping at you, his hair glued to his forehead by his sweat and his green eyes dark with desire—you couldn’t help it. You ground down onto him as your orgasm overtook you, slow and breathless and wrecking you. Wetness leaked between your thighs, your legs and core quivering, and you were crying again, or maybe you’d never stopped. Maybe you’d only ever been on Jake’s lap, his body worshiping and working yours, taking and giving, demanding and pleasing.

“Fucking hell, baby, you feel so damn good,” Jake groaned, and you pulled him off your chest, needing a break. Jake obliged and leaned back, looking up at you with hooded eyes, jaw slack as you continued to clench around him weakly. He wore the smuggest expression on his face, even though you could see the tightness in his shoulders, as he kept from thrusting into you harder. You knew you looked absolutely wrecked, sweaty and fucked out, but he looked at you like you were the prettiest thing.

He thrust up into you, slow and easy, more to keep control of his rhythm, but it pushed a final tremor out of you. You ground down onto him and Jake’s eyelashes fluttered, the prettiest sight.

“Best feeling in the world, baby,” he muttered, his hands smoothing up and down your back, “that sweet cunt fluttering around me. Think I want to feel it again.”

His words barely registered through the sated heat clogging your brain, but you shook your head, weakly.

“It’s too much, Jake,” you whispered. “I can’t—”

His hands froze on your back and the smug expression slid off his face before you realized your mistake. Jake pulled out of you, settling you on his thighs before landing a stinging slap on your clit.

You wailed, your body aching from the loss of him and smarting from the slap, not hard enough to hurt but pointed enough to sting. His thumb soothed over you, massaging your swollen clit and it ached, it was perfect, it was too much, you needed more.

“Please, I’m sorry, please,” you begged, not knowing if you were asking for him to stop or pleading for him to touch you again, and Jake smirked before his hand connected with your pussy again. You moaned, head spinning, body molten and when Jake lifted you again, you could’ve wept in relief when his hard cock pushed into you again.

This time his pace was harsh, unrelenting, so fucking deep and strong and you felt like he was rearranging you.

“I am not,” Jake practically growled, gritting out words between deep strokes, “fucking you this good to be treated with disrespect.”

You couldn’t find words, couldn’t react beyond the sounds babbling out of you, as his cock thrust into you.

“And I am, aren’t I, princess?” Jake panted, his pace increasing. “Fucking you so good. You’re not gonna be able to walk tomorrow, not going to be able to do anything without thinking of how deep I am inside of you, so show some fucking respect and call me by my title.”

He was driving into you, his hips merciless, and your mouth hung open as you shook your head, desperately.

“Use your words, baby,” another stinging slap to your clit, and your body jolted. Your traitorous body, overwrought and overwhelmed, rose to meet him as Jake’s thick cock pushed deeper into you.

“Admiral,” you cried, your body writhing, rejoicing, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Admiral.”

Jake groaned, and he pulled you down sharply onto him. His hips were pistoning up into you, his chest heaving as he drove into you, and all you could do was hang on to him.

“That’s right, angel,” he gritted. “Fucking your admiral like a bitch in heat, and this cunt is gonna come for me as many times as I want, because I know how to satisfy her. Whose pussy is this?”

His words ripped over you, filthy and so perfect, and your body reacted to them beyond reason, clenching down on him. You felt raw and you felt healed; you felt like his.

“Yours,” you sobbed, “it’s yours, Admiral, yours.”

“Fuck,” Jake choked, and fell back against the chair again, guiding your hips as he continued to rut up into you. “You sound so pretty, baby, why does it sound so good to hear you say it?”

You moaned, wordlessly, your hips responding to his guidance. You could feel yourself dripping onto his thighs, drenching the khakis and marking him. Rationale had fled, in its place was pulsing desperation, a searing need for more of Jake, to be consumed by him.

“Please,” you managed, begging. “Please…”

Jake moaned, a long sound that had your stomach clenching and sent another impossible gush of wetness between your legs.

“Yeah, darlin’?” he panted. “Fuck, you feel so good, what do you need?”

Your whole body was trembling, completely overwrought and on the edge, but his words soothed something deep inside of you. Though the world descended into fire, Jake would take care of you.

“Need you to come,” you sobbed. “Please, please, need to feel you—”

You felt impossibly fragile, scattered, but it was okay when Jake’s warm hands smoothed over you. His fingers gripped you tightly and he pulled your hips flush against his as he thrust into you.

“‘Course, baby,” he groaned, “asking so sweetly, and you’ve been so good for me, you’re always so good for me, fuck —I’m gonna give it you because I know that’s what you need, oh fuck, here it comes, baby—”

You came before he did, his words washing over you in a wave of white hot heat before you even felt his cock twitch inside of you, pumping you full of his cum. You didn’t scream, you didn’t cry; you had nothing else to give and your body shook as you came, obedient, unraveled by Jake’s touch. You were lost, drowning in sensation and the frantic beating of your own heart, unwound and put together by the man in your arms. You felt him around you, vaguely, like a concept. Hands smoothing over your skin, warming you and cradling you, checking you were okay.

“Oh, baby, baby, you did so good for me,” Jake was saying, his arms wrapped around you. You snuggled into his chest, knowing he knew that now you were sentient again, how close you wanted to be to him. “Fuck, I don’t deserve you.”

“Not true,” you mumbled into his chest, thinking of how impossible it was that he knew just how to turn you inside out, wring every last drop of pleasure from your body, make you feel cherished even when he was taunting you. Your eyes felt heavy and your body was exhausted; you slumped against his chest and reveled in the tight grasp of his arms around you.

“A little true,” Jake mumbled back, kissing your hair. You nestled into him, emotionally contented, but physically becoming increasingly aware that you were stark naked in a cool office.

You were vaguely aware of Jake taking care of you—noticing the goosebumps on your skin, pulling some tissues out of a drawer to wipe up his cum as it leaked out of you, soothing you when you whimpered as he pulled out. You insisted you were fine, but he insisted on carrying you to the bathroom, setting you gently on the countertop as he ran a washcloth under the warm tap, and set about cleaning you up properly.

Once you were taken care of, he stripped out of his uniform carefully. He was pretending not to watch you, but you noticed his smug expression fading slightly into concern as you stayed quiet, uncertain if it was sated contentment or discomfort. When he walked back over to you, you brushed his hair away from his forehead, smiling reassuringly.

“I’m good, baby,” you told him, and his shoulders dropped in relief.

He leaned back against the counter where you were perched, his shoulder almost touching yours. The fact that he wasn’t pulling you both into the bedroom, for cuddles and sleep, told you there was something else on his mind, so you waited for him.

Finally, he cleared his throat. “The apron thing…you know that’s not…I mean, I don’t think of you like…”

He frowned, tripping over himself as he tried to find the words. You leaned over a bit, nudging his shoulder with yours.

“We’ve had this conversation before, Jake,” you told him, “it’s about what’s hot, not what’s morally upright. I know you don’t think of me as a sexpot in heels, just around to get your dick wet.”

Jake huffed, but he smiled.

“Well, not just that,” he mumbled and you shoved him, but you both laughed, before he sobered again. “I just…I don’t know, I know you’re not an accessory to my career, or something. I didn’t think about it before, but like, you could be whatever you wanted to be, you know? Like if you wanted to be a housewife, or if you wanted to be an admiral, you could do it, a hundred percent.”

He was rambling, you knew it, and you cut him off with a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Are you trying to mansplain feminism to me right now, Seresin?”

Jake snorted. “Even I know better than that.”

“Okay,” you smiled. “Jake, in case the three orgasms didn’t give it away, I was into that too.”

He looked at you for a long moment, before his eyes dropped.

“Yeah?” he asked, a sweet kind of nervousness on his voice that made you lean forward and kiss him.

“Yeah,” you whispered against his lips.

You felt him sigh, finally accepting your reassurances, and the soft look of adoration on his face had you feeling like crying. You’d done enough of that today, though, so you cleared your throat, sitting back.

“So, a housewife, huh?” you said, raising an eyebrow. “Funny way of proposing, Jacob.”

His jaw dropped, and you laughed at his shocked expression, shoving at his shoulder again. “I’m obviously kidding,” you told him, amused, and a smile worked over his features again.

Jake’s smile grew, the longer he looked at you, but an unfamiliar expression was in his eyes behind it.

“Obviously,” he echoed, before he pressed his lips together and shook his head. “You know I love you.”

You did, and your heart soared just as much hearing it as it had the first time he’d said it.

“I know,” you told him, leaning forward to kiss him again quickly. “I love you, too.”

Jake hummed contentedly, and a moment later, he’d pulled you off the counter. He walked you to your bedroom, and you snuggled into his chest, loving the way you could hear his heartbeat.

You’d heard somewhere that human hearts match, that if you listened to a heartbeat for long enough, the rhythms would sync. You didn’t have to take your pulse to know that yours was beating in time with Jake’s, echoes of each other, happy and strong, matching.

taglist: @fuckyeahhangman @callsignvalley @teacupsandtopgun @laracrofted @bioodforbiood @princessphilly @princessofglitterland @peakyrogers @hangmanbrainrot @mandylove1000 @daggerspare-standingby @blue-aconite @abaker74 @lt-bradshaw @dempy @mxgyver @mlibbydp @thedroneranger @stargazing15 @wildbornsiren @datemephoenix

#jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin fanfiction #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin x you #jake seresin x you #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin smut #jake hangman seresin smut #hangman x reader smut #hangman x you smut #misskielwrites

1K notes · View notes

loveanoutcast · 4 years ago

Text

“Games” | Eren Jaeger

NSFW Content

TW: nsfw content, smut, jealousy, angry sex (sorta?), cockwarming, degradation, dumbification, spanking, oral (male receiving), swearing, slapping, spitting, creampie, breeding, humping, mentions of cheating, praise, major fluff in the end.

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x fem!reader

Other: au, modern eren, gamer!eren, businessman!eren, modern reader, teacher!reader, administrator!reader

This was inspired by another fic and it's smut and angst trash tbh, my brain is rot and manbun eren has be all the way messed up. It's gonna gradually build up to the nsfw but I always imagined Eren being an laid back dom but he can be intense at times and there's tons of aftercare. This is gonna be long as fuck as its kinda a story but yeah enjoy!

It’s not that you wanted to be a nuisance, to be completely honest, whenever you saw him with his headset on you knew it was the signal to not bother him. Eren rarely played his console, his office work kept him plenty busy and it was more of a stress relief than anything. He had never told you to not bother him, but from prior times early in the relationship you knew better. The firm stares, spanking sessions, and edging sessions was enough of a forewarning. Not that it was hard to not bug him, you had your own hobbies and your own life outside of your relationship with Eren, but today had been a particularly shitty day and you were feeling pretty down and in need of your husband's comfort.

Your job was strenuous to say the least, you loved what you did and you worked hard to do good. You were also well educated and had a graceful way of being that often drew attention from both sexes. You worked with children and adults and days were full of meetings, counselings, and occasional events that required you to smile and not lose your temper when a parent or co-worker said the dumbest thing ever. Today was no different, it was two weeks ago when one of your kiddos was having a hard time calming down, you immediately recognized him as Jean Kirstein's son, Jean and Eren hated each other since high school and when you had mentioned his son being in your class months ago, Eren scoffed and muttered disbelief over anyone being willing to sleep with that "horseface". You had noted underlying tones of jealousy from Eren, it was not really a secret that the two of you had been trying for some time to have a child of your own, neither of you verbally confirming it to each other, one day you both stopped using condoms and Eren said nothing when he saw your pill pack in the trash so you took it as the green light but there was no luck so far. Armin and Annie had twins, and even Sasha and Niccolo had a little girl of their own. You and Eren fucked like rabbits but these past few weeks had been a little harder on you emotionally. Being sorrounded by kids day in and day out brought such joy to your life but also made you cry more than once behind a locked stall and the shower floor. You wanted to have a baby so badly, and this often lead you to be insecure around your husband. Especially a husband as dominant and strong as Eren, he was loving and patient with you but you often wondered what went on in his head as he wasn't verbally expressive.

You had let out a sigh as Jean's son had already had three meltdowns prior to this one and you decided it was time to call home. Jean was overwhelmed at work and sounded exhausted, you offered to help him out by tutoring his son for an extra hour three times a week and he was grateful and readily agreed. You understood that being a single parent was hard and it was no problem for you. Eren had been understanding about your desire to help kids and it was one of the things he loved most about you. He had met you at a fundraiser held by the city trying to raise money for the school's new science building. His business was one of the sponsorships and his attendance was mandatory. He didn't hate kids but Eren wasn't a people person, he had dragged Armin and the twins with him. Halfway through the event he noticed the twin he was in charge of had disappeared from his side. He frantically looked everywhere and when he saw the familiar head of pale blond hair he all but sprinted to the little girl. Instead, he found you sitting on your haunches in a pencil skirt and blouse, the heels made your calves look toned and the concerned smile you were giving the girl made him fall in love with you on the spot. You had been hesistant to give her to him, but when she made it clear that Eren was her uncle you let out a sigh of relief for her safety but also in the fact that he wasn’t married with children. You then proceeded to scold Eren for twenty minutes before he asked you out and you dumbly agreed. You smiled at the memory but then frowned slightly. You had told Eren about Jean's son and the agreement the day of the phone call and he all but lost his shit. He has the misconception that tutoring his son would entail spending time with Jean, it took all your strength not to slap the shit out of your husband and instead you told him to grow up and trust you.

That had been two weeks ago. Eren and you hadn’t had sex since then and the one hour sessions often dragged to two. It wasn’t the little boys fault, you noticed how hard he tried in class but the material wouldn’t stick and he needed more attention than most. Jean would also run late sometimes and he was embarrassed to explain that he needed to work overtime to pay the bills since his wife passed. It was one week ago when you decided to treat him and his son to dinner, Eren had texted that he would be in the office late again (A rare occurrence before, but now an almost daily thing since the fight) so you figured it wouldn’t be a big deal. Jean was an oddly funny and kind guy and his son was a constant joy. It wasn’t like you two were friends, but there was a mutual respect and concern over the small child that brought on a fondness for each other.

It was yesterday when Jean sent thank you flowers to your classroom, the pretty sunflowers wrapped in brown paper were given by the little boy you noticed had improved grades. He had proudly exclaimed that his dad and him picked them out themselves and your heart soared. You didn't get into teaching and administrative work for the praise nor the gifts, but for the inner satisfaction of knowing you helped others. You had brightly smiled for the first time in those two weeks and happily made your way home. You noticed Eren wasn’t home yet and jumped into the shower with high spirits, not even crying once. It was during that time that Eren had arrived, he had the intention of trying to make amends but his eyebrows came down in confusion at the bouquet on the countertop. He figured it was from your students and even smiled a bit, despite being pissed he always believed you deserved better pay and praise for working so hard. It wasn’t until he found the note inside the flowers where things took a turn for the worse.

“Thank you for helping me and Jeremy, and thank you for dinner. Next time is on me. -Jean.”

That fight resulted in Eren staying out late. You had woken up alone and cold, tears stained your cheeks and you knew you looked like hell when you got to work. He had slept in the guest bedroom and was gone even before you finished getting dressed. Your kids noticed your saddened mood and seemed to take it upon themselves to work quietly, Mikasa inquired about your mood during lunch and after listening for a while, shook her head.

“My brother can be an idiot. Jean’s always been a sensitive topic for him, but you should have told him about dinner.” She slightly scolded but held your hand in comfort.

“I know, but it just wasn’t a big deal. It was a pizza joint for kids, not a French restaurant with wine. He didn’t even listen to a word I said, he was so angry.”

“Did he hit you or say something he wasn’t suppose to?”

“He’s not like that, Mikasa.” He was, but only in the privacy of your bedroom and only when it was consensual. Eren would never intentionally inflict unwanted pain on you. He was dominant but you were his everything, he always treated you with respect, love, and admiration. You two were just kinky as shit behind closed doors. Mikasa offered little help, and even Connie only gave an apologetic smile. You felt alone.

So seeing him on the couch with the headset on and not even turning to glance at you when you walked in, hurt like hell. You put your stuff on the counter, the keys echoing a little too loud in the quiet space and the only other thing heard was the occasional automatic gaming sounds. You walked to your shared bedroom, seeing that he had tugged his suit off and scattered pieces here and there. You released a sigh before changing yourself. You decided to wear one of his t-shirts, it fell mid-thigh on your frame and you only left your panties on. The smell of his wafted your senses and you shed a few tears and sniffled as you cleaned up the room. He was so close but felt miles away from you. You longed for his touch but tried to fight the urge. After cleaning you decided to read a bit, grabbing your favorite novel you shyly walked to the living room. You couldn't touch him but you wanted to be near him nonetheless. Your husband only wore a pair of sweatpants and you felt tears pinch your eyes again, he was beautiful but so stupid.

Eren looked at you from the corner of his eye, he noticed you sporting one of his old tees from his time in the military and he pressed the button on the control a little harder than necessary. His eyes immediately shifted back when Levi’s voice came through the headset,

“Oi! Jaeger! Pay attention, brat! If you cost us the game, I will beat the shit out of you in our next meeting.”

“Yeah, Yeah I got it.” He said, seeing from his peripheral vision that his wife glanced at him. He felt annoyed, with you and with Jean, and he felt fucking pissed off. He didn’t mean to yell so harshly last night, and he left when he saw you get teary eyed, but why the fuck did you have to be so nice and go out to dinner with the one guy he fucking hated?

He could hear as you turned the pages of the book. He didn’t mind you being there, but it wasn’t helping his anger. You weren’t saying anything and you weren't making any moves towards him, but he knew it was the headset stopping you. When the round ended and the server was looking for a new match, he glanced at you. You were so entrapped by the chapter you didn’t notice; he did however notice you not wearing shorts. Your legs were bent as you balanced the book on your knees and gave him a good view of your pretty panties and Eren felt himself twitch in his sweats. It had been two painful weeks without any intimacy from you and he longed to pump a load in you.

The new game started and he noticed two additional players joining.

“Eren,” Mikasa said, “Is Y/N there?”

“Yeah,” He muttered, “Why do you ask?”

“Is she with you?”

“Tch,” He scoffed “Do you not have her number? Ask her yourself.”

“What’s with the attitude Jaeger?” Levi asked, “She’s asking a simple question. You and the missus fighting or did she finally realize how out of your league she is?”

Eren said nothing, but shifted to sit back on the couch. He had a deep scowl and you felt yourself worry. Were you annoying him by being there?

“It wasn’t like that and you know it. Jean’s wife died three months ago and he’s struggling. She’s helping his son at school, not everyone has a beautiful loyal wife like yours and it was an arcade pizza joint for shit’s sake. Keep up the shitty attitude Eren, and she’ll eventually get tired of it. Gods know we have.” Mikasa blabbed and he killed three enemies in one go. His jaw locked painfully hard at the new information and you scooted a bit closer to him, you reached out to him, your hand hanging mid-air, your book long forgotten as you needed him so badly. Your neediness was something he often encouraged but would treat with “punishments”. You just wanted him to look at you.

“Yeah,” Armin spoke for the first time, “Y/N’s kind but even kindness wears off. You gotta trust her.”

“What is this? Therapy?” Levi scoffed.

“Well I say let her get tired,” Connie had a tone that further annoyed Eren, “Maybe she’ll just up and leave this time.”

Eren released a gasp and you pinched the top of his joggers, you were on your knees on the couch now, closer to him than before but not too close to be pressed against him. Connie’s next words had him fuming.

“I mean...she did mention Jean was pretty nice.”

His breathing had deepened and his eyes met yours, the pretty green had deepened so darkly that you gasped. He spit the next words out.

“Suck my dick.”

You moved a little to eagerly. You wanted him so badly, and you weren't even sure he was talking to you but he lifted his arm to let you slip under. You laid your upper body on him sideways, your lower half still on the couch as you perched your ass up. You felt his arm on your upper back as he continued the game.

Lowering his sweatpants, you saw how he had no briefs on and let out a quiet moan as his hard cock slapped against his stomach. You looked up at his with big eyes and he briefly glanced at you, giving you a firm nod. You took him in your mouth with no time to waste, you hollowed out your cheeks and didn't care how messy you were being. Eren loved sloppy head and you couldn't remember the last time you were given free reign to do as you please with his cock in your mouth. His pre-cum was sweet and you felt dabbles of your spit collecting on the sides of your mouth, you released him and took a deep breath before spitting on the head of his dick and giving it a few licks, your hand worked him at the base. You looked at your husband and how his eyes lowered only slightly. It wasn’t enough, you ached for him in so many places and more than anything you longed to have him in you. The pressing of his arm on your back was a signal so you continued to suck him off. Your husband was large in size and thick enough to make you feel so full. Whatever couldn't fit in your mouth was taken care of by your hand, but you knew that if he wasn't playing the game he would have forced you to take all of him, ignoring your gags and pulling your hair when you could take a breath.

You were so focused that you didn’t notice the round had ended. Eren patted your head and you released him. Your jaw felt sore from the lack of use the past few weeks and you were a vision with your hair double in volume and chest heaving in breathlessness. He pressed a button that indicated his mic had been muted. He stared at you, tracing your lips with his thumb and swiping some of the spit off the swollen pair.

“My love?” You sat up on your knees, closer to him and pawed at his chest. He released a deep breath and shook his head.

“Take off your panties and sit on my lap.”

You happily stood up, giving him such a bright smile that he felt a tug at his chest. Your panties were quickly on the floor and he didn’t miss the fresh damp patch of white fluids on it. You helped lower his sweatpants before straddling his lap. Just when you were reaching for his dick, he locked your hands in one of his and gripped you by your jaw with the other. You whimpered as you stared with shock and confusion. He brought your face closer to his and said,

“You went out with a guy I fucking loathe, do you know how much that hurt? If you want my dick, you’re gonna have to work for it.” You opened your mouth to protest and he stuck two of his fingers inside.

“Suck.”

You licked and sucked at them, lowering yourself so your slick was aligned with his member. You desperately humped Eren and he almost smirked at your desperation. You felt fucking amazing and he felt the urge to thrust up to further coat himself with your wetness.

“The next rounds gonna start. I want you to stay quiet and behave. Don’t piss me off anymore. I mean it.” He took out his fingers and you quietly spoke.

“Can I ride you while you play, my love? I promise I’ll be good. I’ll be a good wife and I won’t make a sound, I need you.” You wrapped your arms around his neck, peppering his face with kisses but he looked so aloof. As if you dripping on his dick was nothing and he could be doing something better with his time.

“You wanted to act like a whore, you can wait like one. Keep it warm but don’t fucking move.”

You nodded slowly and almost sadly, but you felt a fire in you coil in excitement. Eren was rough and mean in bed and it was something you fucking loved. He always spoiled you in public and was so undeniably sweet but it was these dark moments that got both of you off, it always led to the best sex.

“Yes, daddy.”

“Daddy?” He slightly smirked, “Yeah, I bet you do have a thing for daddies.”

“Ere-” You began to protest but your words got cut off by Eren slapping you across the face. Hard. You felt the after sting and and his hand lingered for a few seconds, you turned your head and pressed a soft kiss to his palm to let him know it was okay.

He shook his head at you and pressed the button on his headset. You felt your pussy clench at nothing and it was the snap of his fingers that made you hustle. You grabbed the ends of his shirt before tugging it over your head and throwing it to the side. He looked around you at the screen, his face lacking any emotion as you slowly lowered yourself on him. You were plenty wet but adjusting to his size took a bit and it was so rare you had control.

Eren had other plans, one hand grabbing your waist as he pushed you forcefully down on him and your let out a small cry. You hid yourself in the crook of his neck and he felt your breath come out in a shudder, your pussy clenched him and he let out a breath of relief at feeling you, you were like a soft wet fist and he focused on not thrusting into you. He let his anger be his self-control. He gave your ass a slap, kneading the flesh before starting the round.

“What was that?” You could hear the group through the headset and stilled your movements, not wanting them to hear what you and your husband were up to. You felt incredibly dirty but that only made you wetter, your face hot with blush as you gave kisses to Eren’s neck and shoulder.

“Nothing important.” Eren replied to Armin in a bored tone. That stung only slightly, knowing he was doing it on purpose, you bit his cheek playfully and he shook his head as if disappointed and irritated.

You don’t know how long you stayed like that, sitting on his dick and trying hard not to grind on him. You kept giving him kisses, leaving him hickeys scattered across his collarbones, and letting your hands explore wherever they could land. You ran your fingers through his hair, scratching the back of his scalp and feeling rewarded when he hummed in approval. You whispered sweet things into his neck, being mindful of how close the mic was. You continued to drip on him and he felt it puddle on the couch.

“I love you.” You whispered, “You’re the only one for me, my love. I’m so lucky to have you.”

He shifted slightly, causing him to rub against your walls and you quietly made a lewd noise. His expression stayed blank but he moved two more times before settling back, his way of saying he liked what you were doing. You were getting a bit desperate, it felt like it had been twenty minutes and he still wasn’t hinting you to move.

“Levi, watch out. They’re heading your way.” Eren said, giving your hips a squeeze when you laid against his chest, he wanted to make sure you stayed a awake. The last time he put you in this position, you fell asleep on him and he had to fight the urge to fuck you in your slumber.

“Got it.” Levi said, “So Jaeger, if it’s Jean’s kid who’s taking your wife’s attention, why don’t you just have a little runt yourself?”

Y/N tensed at Levi’s words. Eren noticed and let out a sigh. He placed his chin on top of your head and mumbled-

“It’s not...that simple.”

“Shooting empty, eh?” Levi snickered and Eren could hear Mikasa let out a sound of disgust and Connie cackle. It was his next words that furthered his rage.

“Well you could always lend her to me for the night. She’s so pretty, I wouldn’t mind giving her a brat.” It was obviously a joke, but Y/N had met Levi a few times and couldn't deny that a little boy with his gray eyes would be cute. Her pussy involuntarily clenched and Eren grunted in annoyance.

“Fuck me.”

He leaned all the way back now, his eyes looking over you in a bored manner and you smiled sweetly, pecking his lips a few times before resting your hands on his shoulders. He continued to look around you at the television but loved seeing your tits bounce. The slick of your heat and the build up wetness made a squelching noise every time your skins slapped against each other and you happily rode your husband. You made sure to stay quiet, biting down on your lip to not let out a few screams.

“I want a baby.” He said after some time, you felt tears build at the corner of your eyes and he glanced at you, his expression softening significantly and he nodded in encouragement. His hand cupped your breast, fingers pinching your nipple and you let out a soft moan. You arched into him and looked up at the ceiling as you felt yourself nearing. His hand had to leave to grab the controller and your decided to play with your breasts yourself. Your pace began to quicken and you continuous squeezing let him know you were close to an orgasm.

“I’m sure you two will get pregnant soon.” Armin’s words were so sweet and encouraging and you almost said thank you before remembering the position you were in.

“Yeah, you just have to keep trying.” Mikasa added.

“Trust me,” Eren laughed, “We’re trying.”

You rolled your eyes, slowing down a bit before he gave you a stern look. You blushed knowing you were just caught giving attitude but decided to pay for it later. You grinded against Eren harder, your hand desperately grabbing at everything as you felt the familiar tightening in your lower region.

“I’m-I’m...ngah!” You threw your head back, bright spots crossing your vision as you clamped down on him, your eyes screwed shut, and your voice was so high and breathless, “Eren!”

You slumped against him, body a little tired but buzzing with the post-orgasmic state. You left kisses on his chest.

“Hey Eren, I think Y/N called for you.” Connie said and you let out a quiet giggle in embarrassment that they heard that, thankful that they assumed it was you somewhere else and not knowing you were actually seated on his cock.

“Yeah, she did. Guess I better finish this off.” Eren smirked, “I’ll talk to you guys later.”

They bid their goodbyes and you stayed with your head on his chest as he threw the controller to the side. His hands ripped his headset off, tossing it away from him before you felt his hands on your hips. He tapped your thigh to make you look at him.

“You came without my permission, angel.”

“You were busy,” You looked down and fiddled with your fingers. “It’s not like I could have asked you.”

He scowled at you and you looked anywhere but at him, he gripped your jaw again before giving you another slap.

“Coming without my permission and talking back? You really want to piss me off, don’t you?” He chuckled. He tapped your lip, and you opened your mouth.

He spit right in and hummed in approval as he watched you swallow.

“Go to the room. Hands and knees, now.” He sent a smack to your ass as you got off him. Standing up you could see and feel how wet and horny you were for him, the inside of your thighs leaked all the way to the back your knees. Eren discarded his joggers, watching as you climbed onto your shared bed and hoisting your ass up in the air. He loved how well you arched your back for him. He had left a red welt on one cheek from how hard he spanked you.

As he mounted you from behind, you felt goosebumps rise on your skin as his fingers explored your inner folds. He rubbed your clit in soft circles before aligning himself with your entrance. You buried your head in the pillow as he bottomed out in you. This new angle was overwhelming and you could feel drool leaving your mouth as he began his onslaught, the stretch was enough to make you feel like you were on cloud nine. The one thing you loved about Eren was how lost he would get while fucking you, he would say the filthiest things and sometimes you would egg him on just so he could fuck you senseless.

“Fuck. Fuck. Tight, so fucking tight.” He hissed, “How are you still so tight after all this time? Guess we gotta get you a bigger toy, huh?”

You only nodded and made some incoherent noises. His hands grip your hips pulling them to smack harder against him and its making you moan so noisily. He slaps your ass a few times for good measure.

“Look at how good your pussy is sucking me in,” He went on, “Such a pretty pussy, my pretty pussy huh?”

His hips were slapping against your ass so hard as you nodded, “Yes daddy, yours all yours.”

“You’ve been behaving so bad, I have half a mind of coming on your back. Maybe get you to open that pretty mouth and coat that pretty face.”

You shook your head in protest, reaching behind you and grabbing him by his wrist in a feeble attempt to keep him in you.

“Use your words, angel.”

“I want you to give me a baby, please.” You cried out. This only made him slow his thrust to a painfully slow rhythm.

“You sure you want me to get your pregnant? From going to dinner with that asshole and getting turned on by what Levi said, it seems to me that you want just anyone to breed a bitch like you.”

For some reason you got bold, you looked back at him, admiring the thin layer of sweat covering his god-like body and smirked right at him.

“Well maybe I can take Levi up on his offer, he did say I was pretty enough.”

“You’d ask my former captain to get you pregnant?”

You shrugged and felt the sting of where he smacked your ass.

“What makes your think he would agree to it after seeing what a fucking cumslut you are? You think he could fuck you like this?”

You let out a soft laugh and almost regretted it because he hooked his fingers into your mouth, your spit going everywhere as he kept with his raw fucking.

“You’d like that would’t you? Getting his cock in you like this, having him fuck you where we sleep.” He didn’t let you respond as he suddenly sped up, it was beginning to burn but he ignored your cries. Gripping your hair he brought you onto your hands and you felt your tongue loll out of your mouth. He was hitting your cervix and it was so painful but so good.

“I’m gonna do you a favor and dump this load in you, then I’m taking you on your back like the good slut you are.”

You could only moan and clench your walls around him, he rocked harder against you and the sound of his deep throaty moan was heard before you felt warm cum coat your insides, you panted hard as Eren rode out his orgasm, using your sore and willing body to milk him dry.

He wasted no time in flipping you around. Your hair stuck to your forehead and your breath was erratic. Eren used his fingers to spread your lips, watching as his come oozed out before pushing it back in with his thumb.

Entering you this time, he worked to get you to come with him. He gripped your wrists so tightly you knew you would have to wear long sleeves for the next few days at school. The thought of any of the kids seeing made you burn with embarrassment. Eren noticed this.

“Why so red?”

“You’re hurting me,” You shyly state, one leg wrapping around his waist and the other was near his calf as he continued thrusting into you. “I’m gonna have to hide the marks.”

“Oh I see,” He chuckled, he released your wrists just to grab your jaw again, forcing your mouth open before spitting in it again, “Worried those little brats will find out just how much of a slut their Y/N is, huh? maybe the board would love to hear how much you beg for this cock, know about all the times you showed up to a meeting fucked out and cum filled.”

You panted harder, his words getting you off as you remembered the times you did show up to events with cum slicked thighs, you were sure some could even smell the sex off of you. You clamped on him harder, moaning and screaming loudly as you felt yourself near your second orgasm.

“Please let me cum,” You cried, soft tears leaving your eyes and Eren smirked, “Please come with me. Please. Please.”

You both rocked against each other, reaching the same climax at the same time. With a few more hard thrusts, Eren let out a loud howl that sounded almost non-human and your mouth felt open in a soundless gasp as you felt yourself squirt all over him and yourself. He collapsed on top of you, mindful of his weight but you didn’t mind. You loved when he did that and how warm his body was after sex. A few minutes passed as you both tried to catch your breath and he stayed inside of you even though he wasn’t as hard anymore.

Getting on his elbows, Eren looked to see that your cheeks were still red and eyes still hooded.

Beautiful green eyes peered into yours and you gave a smile.

“Hey.” He said to you, thumbs rubbing your cheeks.

“Hi.” You shyly mumbled, “I missed you, my love.”

“I know.” Eren looked away from you, leaning his head back and you began to move on him again. His hand on your hip halted your movements.

“I’m sorry about Jean and about the dinner and the flowers, please let me show you how you’re the only one I love.”

“You already did, baby. I heard about his wife, and the overtime,” Eren responded so steadily and quietly that you felt a sudden wave of panic, he was always calm before he would get aggressive. “Why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?”

“It hurt my feelings that you needed me to explain at all. I wanted you to trust me.”

“Angel,” He sighed, he rolled off of you and onto his side before bringing you closer to him but his eyes closed, he was still buried in you and you tentatively grinded on him to ensure he would stay hard, you weren’t done being like this yet. “You need to understand this. I thought Jean was a single dad, I had no idea about his wife. I hated thinking you were finding a family with him and Jeremy, especially since I haven’t been able to give you a baby.”

You shook your head like a child, grabbing him by either side of his cheeks you cooed at your husband, making him look at you. Your kissed him vigorously and heavily, you forced your tongue into his mouth and tried to mumble as many I love yous before he gripped your wrists and pulled away.

“Eren,” You pressed your chest against his, your nipples still taut and he sighed at the feel of you with him. It had been too long, these past two weeks when you two would be in bed there was no cuddling, once he woke up to you holding him from behind, your forehead between his shoulder blades and he reached behind him to touch you once over before untangling you from him. It pained him but he was clouded by anger and jealousy.

You brought his attention back to focus as you continued, “You are my home. You are my family. If we have a baby, I will be over the moon, but I want babies with you. Only you.”

“What if I can’t?”

“That’s okay!” You said to quickly and he gripped your chin again, bringing you close in an almost painful way.

“Don’t lie to me. I hear you in the shower, angel.”

You gasped before feeling tears pour from your eyes. You clung to him, crying out all the frustration from the fights and the past few weeks but murmuring how much you loved him and reassuring him that it was gonna be okay.

He believed you as hard as it was to do so. He knew you loved him immensely and he held you as you cried, shushing your whimpers and giving a few thrusts to reassure you that he wasn’t completely over the position you were in.

“I’m not done with you,” He said after a few minutes, “I’m gonna give you at least four loads tonight and two in the morning. I’m not stopping until I know you’re gonna be barefoot and full with my kids.

You beamed that smile he had been longing to see, capturing his lips with yours as he rolled you over and began thrusting into your heat. You moaned loudly and let out a sigh of pleasure. Your husband was so overbearing, and there was no certainty that you’d be pregnant by morning, but the way he snapped his hips to hit that spot made it worth it.

2K notes · View notes

shotofire · 4 years ago

Note

hello ! hru ? plz if you dont mind, levi ackerman x reader (modern) doing to him "wipe away kisses prank", they're watching tv, his girlfriend kiss his lips then wipe it away acting like nothing happend xd thank you take care of yourself 🖤🖤

Hi!!! I’m great! Awe this is such a cute idea! and i’ve been wanting to write a modern fic. thank you so much for requesting my sweet! <3 you take care of yourself as well :p I sorta changed up the prank part a bit but it’s the same concept, I hope you enjoy.

•MODERN!LEVI x F!READER

•Warnings: cursing here and there, very very very slight mentions of smut

•Season: Not set within the show

Levi Ackerman wasn’t big on affection. So when he starting dating (y/n) it was a huge surprise for everyone. She had to be the most touchy person on the face of the Earth. Hugging people was a hobby of hers, and she liked to poke peoples sides for the fun of it.

The first time he’d met her was at a gathering Hanji had dragged him to with a few friends. The last thing he wanted to have to do was make small talk with some people he worked with. He was taken aback when a girl he’d never seen before was coming up to him with a sweet smile and arms open wide.

It was obvious that Levi acted different around her. Someone would do something little as put their arm around his shoulder and he’d flinch away. Then someone like her wrapped their arms around his middle and Hanji literally gasped out loud when he hugged (y/n) back.

After months went by of him seeing her at friend events, he asked her out on a proper date. The man hasn’t dated since he was in his early twenties so this was a game changer for him. No one saw the pair getting together, they were polar opposite.

That’s why Levi took such a liking to the women. She was nothing like him and it kept him interested. Everything she did was out of the kindness of her heart, and she was very into speaking her mind. Levi usually just said a simple sentence that was somewhat insulting and went about his day.

(y/n) on the other gave entire speeches of exactly what she was thinking, and wasn’t scared to call somebody out. He admired how big she was on helping anyone that she could. He didn’t even have to worry if the kindness was an anterior motive, he knew she didn’t like seeing people down.

“Are you judging me?” She had asked one day at a table full of their closest friends.

His eyes had narrowed at her question. They hadn’t talked very much at this point, but it was the moment that really drew Levi in. He looked around at everyone else at the table and they were already snickering under their breaths. The whole group thought he found her annoying but it was the complete opposite.

Everything she did had him in a trance. She kept him entertained with everything she said, but it’s understandable why she felt he had a disliking for her. The man never talked unless spoke too, but that was just how he worked. Though (y/n) took it rather personally because she found herself easy to talk to, and she’d never met someone so observant and quiet.

“No, if I did i’d make it obvious,” he had answered with his arms crossed.

She smiled at his words. In a way she found them sweet instead of rude. She was one of the few people who could understand his real meaning behind his words.

“Good,” she said proudly, “cause I would hate for a cutie like you to find me annoying.”

Levi’s mouth had fallen open at her words. Never in his life had someone called him a cutie, maybe when he was a child but not anytime in his adult life. The way her eyes sparkled as she watched his flustered reaction made him realize he liked this girl a lot. That was the night he’d first asked her on a date, and things escalated from there.

(y/n) was different and he liked it. Most people didn’t say straightforward things to him because they were scared for his reaction. But she wasn’t in anyway frightened by him. She actually found it kind of funny that the group find him so scary at times. Sure she could admit his gaze would be rather intimidating at times but that’s the worst it got to her.

He first took her out to eat at a sushi place and she literally squealed when they walked in the door. He couldn’t even hold back the laughter at her excitement, and that was the fist time she had heard his sweet laugh. She’d seen him smile plenty of time, but the fact she got him to go further than that only boosted her confidence.

They had sat there for hours talking about the most random things. (y/n) had never heard Levi spill so much information at once and she was absolutely living for it. She still couldn’t believe the quiet mystery guy of her friend group found interest in her.

“Did you know your quietness makes you more intriguing to me,” she had said with a blush on her cheeks, “It makes me want to get to know you more than anyone i’ve ever met.”

He nervously chuckled at her words and took another bite of sushi. That was the first time in the night he had kinda gone quiet. She began to worry she’d embarrassed him somehow and started to think too much. He noticed her manner change pretty quickly.

“I’m glad i’m interesting to you, no ones ever been interested in me,” he had said with a quiet voice.

She smiled softly, “You’re too pretty to not be interested in.”

That was the first day she had seen Levi blush so hard. She was also the first person to call him pretty. He had nervously ran his fingers through his hair with a slight chuckle. This women truly was something else and he found peace in her mannerism. He liked the way he felt when he was with her, and he had no plan on letting her go.

“You’re gorgeous,” he’d said on their next date which was a picnic.

It was (y/n)’s idea of course, she wanted to do something different. She told him she already had an idea for another date if he was interested, and of course he was. She smiled brightly at his words, even though she had just taken a bite of her sandwich. The sweet moment made her wonder what their friend group would say about this alternative Levi they had yet to meet.

After a few more weeks he’d invited her to his apartment. There was no alternate motive behind the invite, he just wanted to cook for her. She had told him many times she was a ‘slut for spaghetti,’ which made him laugh harder than he had in years. When he told her he wanted to make her food she absolutely insisted that she get the pleasure of watching.

He didn’t expect her to ask something like that but she was persistent with the question so he allowed it. She’d asked about a million questions as he made it, and everyone who knew him would be surprised to know he found joy in her constant talking. He was so used to silence, but her sweet voice always filled the air and made him feel whole.

When (y/n) had literally moaned as she took a bite of the spaghetti his stomach did a flip. The sound was beautiful and he thought about the day he’d get to hear it over and over again. Though, Levi was in no rush whatsoever. He was an extremely patient man and valued taking things slow. The two had been seeing one another for almost three months now and the most that had happened is hand holding and cuddling.

After dinner (y/n) suggested a movie. Of course she insisted on something romantic, she valued the cliche of it. Levi agreed but wasn’t as excited as she was. But seeing her eyes light up as he said yes was way better than any movie they could watch.

Now Levi sat on the couch with (y/n)’s arms wrapped around his waist and head on his lap. The sight was very heartwarming and he wanted to take a picture of how beautiful she looked, but he decided not too. Sure she had taken many pictures of him and with him but he was still scared she’d find it weird.

She felt his eyes on her and moved her hands from around him so she could lay flat on her back. She raised an eyebrow at him and smirked.

“Do you find me better to watch than the movie?”

A shock ran through him at your straightforward question. She always did things like this to him on purpose. Making his stern self flustered had to be one of her greatest powers. She reaches up to touch his soft hair and he shivers slightly from her cold hand.

The room fell silent and the air began to change. (y/n) gulped at the the feeling and turned her attention back to the movie, acting as if nothing had just happened. He frowned when she did this. Did she not want to kiss him?

That wasn’t the case, though. She wanted to kiss him more than anything. Hell, she wanted to do a lot of things with him. One would think she was straight forward in every department, but not when it comes to kissing. The last time she kissed someone her tooth went into their lip on accident and embarrassed the hell out of her.

She felt Levi’s body become sluggish when she turned away. In that moment (y/n) decided to get over her fear. After all he was different, they had a whole different story line. Her last failed hookup wasn’t anything compared to the bond her and Levi had created.

(y/n) sat up quickly and Levi almost jumped at her sudden action. He turned his head to look at her, and was about to ask what the matter was, but her lips were already being pressed against his. Warmness filled both of their bodies and the softness of her lips were addicting. But as soon as it started, it ended.

He almost whined when she pulled away, then her hand dragged across his lips, and he was beyond confused. Her attention was turned back to the television as if nothing had happened. As if they didn’t just kiss for the first time and she hadn’t just tried to wipe it away.

“Why did you just do that?” he asked confused, but he couldn’t help but smile a bit at her. She was hard to figure out and understand sometimes, but this was different. Was she embarrassed?

“Do what? I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said without even looking at him.

The man had never seen her act this way. He found it funny honestly. (y/n) had never been afraid or reluctant to do something. He guessed he had found her weak spot.

“Oh yes you do,” he said with a laugh, “you think wiping away the kiss is gonna change something? Cause I still want to kiss you again.”

She gulped at his words, “really?”

Levi had never seen her so flustered and red faced. She was an absolute mess of nerves right now and he loved it. He had no idea he could have this type of effect on her. She did everything with confidence and zero fear yet a simple kiss had her second guessing everything.

“Really,” he whispers, and this time she’s the one who’s stomach flips.

His lips reattached to hers and she melts at his touch. Lips move against one another softly and slowly, enough to make her head spin. Delicate fingers squeeze at her waist and she makes a slight noise at the feeling.

That’s when Levi grabs her hips and pulls her on top of him, and the once sweet kiss begins to intensify.

Kissing Levi was already becoming one of her favorite things to do, and they were just getting started.

396 notes · View notes

mooniefics · 4 years ago

Text

— first impressions

pairing : zeke jaeger / fem reader / reiner braun

word count : 7.5k

tags : sorta fluff (i can’t help myself i love reiner), eventual smut, threesome (f/m/m), situational humiliation, one night stand, spitroasting, drunk + unsafe sex

warnings : nsfw, mild sexual coercion

summary : a chance meeting between you and reiner leaves you enjoying an evening with the warriors upon their much anticipated return from the war. but doing your new friends a favor leads to a night you'll never forget.

— originally posted 12 / 22 / 20 on ao3 —

"reiner! is that really you?!"

you stood quickly from your place at the booth, unable to stop yourself from scrambling up to the small group of soldiers, who were all looking down at you with a mixture of confusion and amusment.

"you didn't tell us you had a girlfriend back home, braun." the dark-haired woman to his right teased, earning a crossed frown from your friend.

"not my girlfriend." he muttered, ignoring their chuckles as he turned his attention back to you, "i haven't changed that much in a few months, have i?"

you sighed, a relieved grin breaking out across your face as he opened his arms to you, gratefully accepting his invitation and squeezing him tight, face pressing into his shoulder. the scent of gunpowder that usually clung to him in his uniform was absent on his civilian clothes, replaced instead with the pleasant smell of fresh linen. "a few months? felt more like a whole year to me."

you stayed cognizant of the people behind him, now exchanging curious glances at the sight of their comrade's affection, the woman who'd initially teased him whispering something to the stern looking man by her side that made his expression crack into a small grin. he pulled away from you after a moment, a soft smile warming his usually sullen features, which dampened at a hand being placed on his shoulder.

"would you care to introduce us, reiner?" a low voice asked, the speaker stepping to reiner's side to get a good look at you.

you instantly recognized the man, face flushing with embarrassment as you scrambled to find your words. "c-captain jaeger! i apologize for interrupting your evening, p-please forgive-"

"nonsense." he said, holding out his hand for you to shake, "and no need for the formalities, feel free to call me zeke."

you clasped your hands gratefully around his, shaking vibrantly much to his amusement. you exchanged names with the remaining three, the tired looking but jovial woman, pieck, insisting that you join them on their night out. seeing as you had already planned to be at the old bar for the rest of the night by yourself, you had no qualms with inviting them all to fill the remaining seats of the booth you'd been occupying before they entered.

"pock here isn't much of a talker," she said after everyone got themselves situated, poking the cheek of the man she'd been whispering to earlier, "he's a little shy, but don't hold it against him."

"i thought i told you not to call me that.." he grumbled in reply, smacking away her hand and earning a small round of laughter from everyone at the table. the freshest face among them, colt, flagged down the barmaiden that was milling about the tavern floor, ordering a beer for everyone at the table with a kind smile.

"this'll be the only one for me tonight." you told him across the table after the woman had sauntered away, "i kinda didn't budget to be drinking more than one beer tonight anyways.."

"don't worry about it." you turned at reiner's voice beside you, gaze flitting down to see him thumbing through the bills in his wallet, "i'll pay for you tonight. my treat."

"nice to see that you know how to treat a lady." zeke quipped with a grin from his place on your left, earning another unreadable frown from reiner, but you could see the flush creeping up on his cheeks as a result of the implication.

before he could dismiss his friend, the barmaiden had returned, toting six mugs filled to the brim with beer on her serving platter. everyone murmured their thanks as she passed them around the table, her eyes lingered on colt before she slipped away to attend to another awaiting party.

"look at you, colt! haven't even been here for thirty minutes and you've already got the ladies swooning." pieck drawled, taking a long sip from her mug with a smile on her lips as she watched the young man stammer out an excuse.

you couldn't help but laugh along at the display, taking a generous drink of your own as you watched the conversation pick up around you. pieck seemed to be more than comfortable with everyone at the table, fueling the majority of the discussion with her playful words. porco, as she'd said, didn't seem to be much of a talker, but nodded along to what the others said, contributing a brief input when he saw fit and staying silent for the rest of the time. colt wasn't naive, but he was easy to tease, the perfect target for little jabs here and there from around the table that drew irritated, flustered protests from him and made everyone laugh.

the dynamic that had intrigued you the most was that between zeke and reiner. they didn't speak directly to the other often, mostly relaying remarks through their responses to the others, but when they did, there seemed to be an odd sort of tension between them. not exactly rivals, but not exactly friends either. they were on the same team, but there was a clear disconnect between them despite that. you felt every slight shift that reiner made when zeke addressed him, debating on whether you should request to move from your place between them for your sake or stay as a buffer for reiner's.

everyone was on their third glass—the only exception being reiner, who was nearly through his fourth—definitely loosened up though not quite drunk yet, but before you could put much thought into how you'd go about doing that, porco spoke to you for the first time. "so, how do you even know reiner?"

"oh! i'd also like to know too!" pieck piped up between sips, downing the rest of her mug in one go and resting her chin in her hands. everyone's attention had turned to you in an instant, intently waiting for your response, making your posture stiffen as you twisted your hands in your lap.

"well, it was a few years ago, when the war with the mid-east had just started ramping up." you began, tensing up the slightest bit when you felt your hand brush reiner's under the table, "i was working at the produce shop down on kaiser lane, and one day reiner came by with his mother on one of her grocery visits, she had always spoken to me about him when i was counting up her total. i asked her if this was son she was always talking about, and she said yes and introduced us. reiner looked tired," pieck giggled at that. "so i tried to hurry it up a little for his sake, and then she paid and they both went on their way. later that day i came here, and i saw him sitting alone at the counter, so i decided to sit down next to him and see if he could put up with my insufferable small talk for a little while. we ended up talking all night, and we've been great friends since then."

"well, isn't that the sweetest thing," pieck smiled warmly at you from across the table, balancing her head on one hand so could pensively drum her fingers across the wood, "if i didn't know any better, i'd say you two made a lovely couple!"

"pieck, would you stop bothering reiner." porco chided, waving a hand at your friend, "just look at him, he looks like he's one more girlfriend comment away from popping a blood vessel."

reiner grumbled out a low 'fuck you', gulping down the rest of his beer and flagging down the barmaiden as the rest of the warriors shared a hearty laugh at his expense. you yourself were similarly blushing at their constant assertions of something more between the two of you. it's not as if you hadn't mulled the idea over in your head many times before on all the previous outings you'd been on together, and the few times the two of you had gotten drunk enough to fool around a bit before one of you came to your senses and excused yourself for the night.

there were some days where you were glad you kept a modest distance between yourselves, and there were others where you wanted to do nothing more than throw all caution to the window and just enjoy one irresponsible night of doing whatever came to mind, no doubts or worries or responsibilities to get in the way, politics and the war be damned. you started to shake away those unnecessary thoughts, but zeke did a much better job of distracting you when his arm fell around your shoulders, giving you a friendly squeeze as he spoke.

"i see that even in good company, my colleagues' manners still aren't up to par," he said, directing his words at you but talking loud enough for anyone to hear, "allow me to apologize on their behalf."

"oh hush, zeke, you're the worst out of all of us!" pieck argued through her laughter, playfully kicking his shin under the table, "you're only playing nice because she's here."

her words didn't draw his attention away from your face, gleaming grey eyes intently drinking in the emotions passing over your flushed features. you laughed nervously, turning away to face the rest of the table, sneaking a glance at reiner as the barmaiden swept by to clean up the empty glasses and replace them with filled mugs. he had an irritated frown drawn across his lips, worry lines creasing his face as he gulped down half of his mug in seconds.

"look's like you're finally not the one overdoing it, huh colt?" you heard pieck whisper into the young man's ear, snickering at him when he turned away from her and huffed.

just glancing around at them all made you forget that everyone of them were living on borrowed time, that in less than a month they would most likely be shipped out on their next assignment to defend marley against any one of the neighboring nations that were just waiting to pounce at the slightest slip up. aside from reiner, they all seemed to be forgetting that fact as well in favor of just enjoying this night while it was still young.

another banter-filled hour passed, your table not noticing how the bar had been steadily emptying as closing time drew near. zeke had kept his grasp around you for the entire time, much to reiner's dismay, which was evident on his face each time you tried to coax him back into the conversation, always faltering each time zeke peered over you to repeat your question to him with a thinly veiled haughtiness. reiner had gone through more beer than anyone at the table, his flushed face and low-lidded gaze along with his slurring words letting you know just how drunk he'd really become. but aside from his borderline unpleasant exchanges with your friend, zeke was incredibly charismatic, almost overbearingly so, your own intoxication making it easy for you give in to his infectious energy and laugh along with him and everyone else at the table.

sure, you were worried about reiner, but he knew that you would always be friends at the end of the day, and you had to make a good impression on these newly introduced people who were so kind as to invite you in on one of their rare leisurely getaways from the military barracks. so you let yourself lean into zeke's side, relishing in the warmth that you'd been craving for so long—a warmth that the alcohol only made you want more and more—the break in your routine that you'd been searching for in an evening alone turning into a night that you were sure you wouldn't forget for a long time. they didn't even seem to care that you weren't an honorary marleyan, or even that you were a lowly blue-collar worker that made a measly sum at her meaningless job on a forgettable street corner.

but alas, the blissfully ignorant fun of the table's atmosphere was dampened by the arrival of the barmaiden with your table's tab, setting it down in front of colt with a coy smile as she gathered up the rest of your empty glasses and disappeared into the back of the tavern.

"aw colt, you never made your move!" pieck chided, giggling as she dug into the pocket of her skirt to reach for her wallet just as everyone else around the table was doing.

"reiner.. are you okay?" you gently nudged his arm, looking over with concern at the sight of him. his elbow was propped on the table, forehead resting in the heel of his palm as he stared down at his lap, mouth drawn into a slight frown.

"shit, he's loaded." porco commented snarkily.

"we can't let magath see him like this!" colt said nervously, looking around at his colleagues, waiting for one of them to come up with a plan to deal with this new issue.

you glanced from colt to reiner, then up at zeke, turning back to everyone as you made an offer. "well.. i have a guest room at my house, he could stay there for the night if it makes things any easier for you all."

"oh, you're an angel!" pieck sighed, reaching across the table and clasping your hands in hers, "and if the commander asks, i could say that he decided to stay with his family!!"

"sharp as always, pieck." zeke chimed from beside you, "though, i don't think it'd be fair to make her watch him all by herself, so i think it'd be best if i help her out with him for the evening, just to be sure he doesn't cause her any trouble."

he met eyes with pieck, and for a moment you thought you saw the briefest flash of realization cross her features, the slightest smirk perking up at her lips before her face relaxed back into its natural smile and she nodded at him. "great idea." she said, tugging at porco and colt's sleeves, "i'll deal with these two, and i'll tell the commander that you had a change of heart as well. reiner, hand me your wallet if you can't count the bills."

"i've got it." he grunted, fumbling with his wallet for a few moments before slamming a fistful of bills down in front of her.

"thank you very much!" she sang happily, getting all the money in order and putting her own small tip for the barmaiden before she slapped colt's arm a few times, prompting him to start scooting out of the booth.

zeke finally retracted his arm to begin leaving the booth, standing out on the floor and offering his hand out to you. you flushed, taking it and allowing him to help you to your feet. everyone got themselves situated, stepping out of the bar and saying their goodbyes, pieck, colt, and porco turning to make their way back to the barracks, zeke slinging reiner's arm over his shoulder and following you along as you gave directions on how to get to your home.

there wasn't many words exchanged between the three of you on your short walk, only having some small talk with zeke between the bouts of comfortable silence hanging around you in the warm night air. you arrived home within minutes, wrestling the key into the old lock and holding open the door for zeke to help reiner in.

"i can walk myself, jaeger." he muttered while kicking his shoes off, earning a low chuckle from the older man.

"then why aren't you doing it right now?"

he didn't get a response as you directed them to your bedroom, hoping to settle him down as soon as you could in the hopes of him being able to get enough rest to sleep off the worst parts of his hangover. while zeke assisted him, you scampered over to the guest bedroom to get it ready for your other, less intoxicated guest. but as you opened the door to the bedroom, you were mortified at the sight of your mess upon looking into the room. in the moment of wanting to do something nice for your friends, you'd completely forget about how you'd basically turned your spare room into more of a storage closet.

looking around to try and think about where to get started, hopefully make it look like you didn't completely neglect this room for the past few months before zeke finished putting his friend to bed, you felt a hand on your shoulder, stiffening in surprise as you slowly turned to look at him.

"i-i'm really sorry, i totally wasn't expecting guests tonight, and i promise i've been meaning to move everything to the basement-"

"don't worry about it, really." he stopped you before you could continue to profusely apologize, offering you another one of those warm smiles that made your knees feel weak, "let me help you, it's the least i could do after you opened your home to a couple of irresponsible soldiers." to your surprise, he brushed past you, picking up one of the many boxes that had accumulated on the bed and floor over the months. "you said you had a basement, right? would you mind showing me where it is exactly?"

unable to find your words, you pointed halfheartedly to the door at the end of the hall, watching him carry one of the few boxes that had left you panting by the time you'd transported them across the house with ease, not even having to set it down to open the door and begin descending the steps. his quick return up the steps finally spurred you into action, hauling another box into your arms and repeating his path of depositing it down in your basement and returning to your room to grab another, making sure to take it slow on your way down the steps from how heavy the alcohol made your limbs feel.

within a few minutes, you both had everything squared away. you let yourself take a seat on the now empty bed, breathing out a sigh of relief and wiping the sweat that had begun to bead around your forehead with the back of your hand, watching as he settled down next to you. "sheesh, you made all that heavy lifting look so easy! and thank you again, for doing such a generous favor for me."

"there's no need to thank me." he replied earnestly, a hand settling on your thigh, making you suppress a small flinch, "you have a lovely home, do you really live all on your own?"

you tried to laugh off the warmth of his hand on your skin through your long skirt. "y-yeah, it's just been me for a while. sometimes friends come over for the night, but for the most part, it's just me."

zeke hummed pensively, grey eyes shining with something dangerous as he gazed down at you. "makes sense that someone such as yourself hasn't found anybody qualified enough to settle down with," he grinned at your flustered expression, openly appreciating the way your eyes widened and you breathed out a soft, indecisive 'thank you', "though, i was so sure that you and reiner had something between you.."

"n-no! it's not like that." the words spilled out of your mouth before you could even think about them, the desire to answer him overriding any clear thought that might cut through your intoxicated embarrassment, "i'm sure s-soldiers such as him and yourself don't really have time to play around with people l-like me."

you mentally slapped yourself for coming to such a conclusion, let alone allowing it to actually exit your brain and be heard by the most esteemed guest you'd probably ever have the honor of hosting.

"oh?" he peered curiously at you, thumb rubbing a slow stroke over your leg, face seeming much closer than it was a few blinks ago, "and what exactly is that supposed to mean?" you knew just how intentional his word choice was, practically setting up a verbal trap for you to fall into, but how could you not take the bait when it was marley's strongest warrior dangling it before you?

"i-i-i'm sorry, s-sir— zeke!"

you scrambled to correct yourself, looking any place except his face and wanting to do nothing more than hide away somewhere where neither him nor reiner could find you to sober yourself up before you could humiliate yourself any further. but you felt the desperation that was now gripping your pounding heart start to squeeze like a vice around it when a rough hand found your chin, gently turning your head to face him again.

"again with the apologies.. what am i going to do with you?"

your bottom lip quivered, more frantic sorries threatening to spill out, but stopped by the lack of air that you were able to take in from his proximity. you hadn't even realized you were holding your breath until you felt a tight ache seize your chest, exhaling an alarmed breath as you stared up into the glinting grey irises studying your face, mirroring their actions at the tavern but containing all of the hunger he'd been hiding in front of his comrades. the hand of your thigh slid up your leg just an inch, zeke breathing out a chuckle at the feeling of you tensing under his touch.

"if you must know," his face was so close that you could even see the pale freckles dotting across his sharp cheekbones and the bridge of his nose, the shadowed contour of his face looking even deeper in the dim light of the guest room, parted lips exhaling a warm breath that fanned across your face, the scent of alcohol still evident as he slowly spoke, "a soldier such as myself can make plenty of time to play around with someone like you."

you couldn't barely contain your awe, drawing in another shaky, shallow breath at the feeling of his lips brushing across your own, just daring you to indulge in his offer. you could barely form a cohesive thought before your brain forced a new topic into your conscious, confusion and shock and abrupt desire drowning out all the rationality that you were so desperately grasping for in this moment.

you'd just met this man tonight, it didn't matter that you'd known of his grand legacy even from when you were a young girl or felt like you'd gotten to know him quite a bit in that short amount of time, you'd only shaken his hand and drank with him and sat face-to-face with him for the first time just a few hours ago. not to mention how the person you were truly familiar with, the one who wasn't nearly a decade your senior, the one you had really been yearning for was just down the hall in your bed, only two shut doors and a few thin walls away from this spectacle. but, zeke was right in front of you, and he was offering out an opportunity that was impossible to refuse—an offer that you really, really didn't want to refuse.

so you didn't. you gave in to the sinful temptation of his warmth, his skin, his soft touches with calloused, work-roughened hands, the knowledge that this kiss was only just the beginning of something unforgettable.

in contrast to his hands, his lips were soft, ridiculously soft as they pressed over yours, the fingers at your chin unfurling to cup the length of your jaw. you leaned into his touch, earning a pleased grunt from him when your trembling hand found his hair, slowly carding through it as you focused on maintaining the easy rhythm of his kiss. you stifled a small sound when the hand on your leg smoothed up to your inner thigh, not pressing any further, just gently stroking and giving the occasional squeeze to the pliant flesh through your skirt.

you could feel the light flutter in your chest heavy and knot into something familiar, twisting deep in your stomach as he sucked at your bottom lip, nipping at it before his attention wandered across your cheek, the hand at your jaw tilting your head up to expose more of your neck to his eager mouth. faint kisses gave way to teasing bites and licks, drawing a soft whimper as he sucked with the intent to bruise where your shoulder met your neck. he seemed to appreciate the way your grasp in his hair tightened, the hand on your thigh traveling across your waist to find the knotted string holding up your skirt.

the progression of his actions felt natural, but almost too fast at the same time, your hand giving an apprehensive tug to his hair when you felt the waistline of your skirt go slack with the undoing of its lacing. he groaned lowly at the sensation, spurring you to do it again when his teeth grazed over the forming redness just right. you could feel the haze of arousal fogged your mind already, all rationale dissipating under the influence of the alcohol and the hands that were now roaming your body, searching for a moment for the top button of your shirt before they began to messily undo those as well. each brush of his fingers across your bare skin sent goosebumps across the expanse of your chest, making quick work of your blouse as he pushed it over your shoulders, guiding your arms out of the sleeves before tossing it aside in favor of working on the clasp of your bra, never pulling away from his place at your neck for more than a moment before returning the bruising attention of his mouth back over the flushed skin.

you breathed out a weak whimper at the feeling of his thumb and forefinger taking one of your nipples between them, bra forgotten somewhere on the floor with your shirt, baring the entirety of your naked torso to him. he could feel how you squirmed when another hand smoothed down your stomach, slipping beneath your skirt's waistline and settling just between your legs, only a sheer barrier provided by your thin underwear, the arousal threatening to soak through the fabric leaving it clinging to every fold. he hummed appreciatively at the welcome surprise, drawing more stifled sounds out of you when his fingers slowly stroked over your clothed cunt.

"all this just for me?" he murmured lowly in your ear, thumb pressing down on your clit, rubbing slow circles over the sensitive nub.

his touch was electrifying, almost overwhelmingly good as you arched into it, the hand at your breast now groping at the supple flesh, palm offering a much-needed friction over your nipple. you finally registered his teasing question, barely managing a disoriented 'mhm' and a small nod, unable to think of anything else besides your heartbeat pounding loud enough that you though he might be able to hear, and the fingers prodded at you and teasing your body as they pleased.

your half-lidded gaze drifted to the door, blinking away the fogginess when you realized it wasn't actually properly shut. you opened your mouth to try and murmur out your observation, but the words in your head spilled out as an incoherent moan, feeling his mouth detach from your bruised neck before he urged you down onto the mattress. but the sight of him standing above you, tugging off his shirt and revealing the impressively toned physique of his stomach and chest, made you forget the ajar door behind him entirely. your hands moved without a second thought, pushing your skirt and underwear down your legs as far as you could, kicking them the rest of the way off as he began to unbuckle his belt.

you couldn't help the way your eyes widened when he shoved down his pants and underwear in one go, unable to choose between focusing your gaze on the smug smirk drawing across his lips or his achingly hard cock, already looking like more than you could handle even at a distance. he plucked his glasses off his face, setting them on the bedside table before he moved over you in bed, your hands tugging him down into a kiss and earning a low chuckle against your lips.

"eager little thing, aren't you?" he only pulled away for a moment to speak, knuckles dragging down the swell of your breast and curving down your waist. your legs spread in anticipation, back arching off the bed when his fingers finally trailed down between your thighs to smooth a finger down your pussy. "and so, so wet."

you squeaked at the intrusion of two thick fingers pumping into you, sliding in easily with a soft, wet sound. the rhythm of your lips faltered, whimpering as his tongue slid between your teeth, tangling with yours, mouth greedily swallowing every desperate sound you made for him. you were grateful for how he was muffling you, just barely remembering that there was another presence in your house besides you and zeke that you had to worry about, heat sparking up your spine at the feeling of his fingers curling just right inside you.

the thought of reiner finding you in here with the captain of his squad, so pathetically obedient and practically dripping from just his fingers, was horrifying and unnervingly thrilling all at once. would he be angry with you? why would he be? what did he even consider you as?

you couldn't dwell on that thought for too long, hips bucking and toes curling when his thumb rubbed firm circles over your clit, wordlessly begging for more. he seemed to be just as impatient as you were in the face of your desperation, pulling away from your lips and removing his touch from between your legs, rolling himself onto his back and tugging you on top of him in one swift motion. you flush even deeper as you watched him drink in the sight of your naked figure, large hands finding your hips, pupils blown wide enough to nearly swallow up the silvery grey of his irises as he eased you down so his cock was just at your aching cunt, offering a sliver of mercy by allowing you to seat yourself onto him as fast or slow as you'd like.

just the first few inches had you whimpering, hands settling on his chest to steady yourself, teeth worrying the skin of your bottom lip, trying to contain the borderline humiliating sounds that were making him grin so smugly up at you. you could feel tears pricking your eyes by the time you finally sank all the way down, deep, shaky breaths giving away your lack of composure even more so than the way the thighs on either side of him tremble, or the nails now digging into the toned muscles of his shoulders. he gave you just a moment of respite, letting you get used to the feeling of something so big before his grip on your hips fastened, fingers sinking into the soft flesh as he began to guide you up and down on his cock.

the low groan your motion earned from him was enough to make your already pounding heart race even faster, heat echoing through you in a way that made it impossible to silence the heated whines that were spilling out of you. the bed squeaked in protest beneath you, but you could care less as you quickened the pace he'd started you at all on your own, admiring the flush that had darkened over his handsome features and the parted lips breathing out low curses and appraising groans.

his eyes fell shut, head falling back before he forced it back up, gaze wandering across your face, then your body, then flitting elsewhere for the briefest moment before they returned to you, hips now thrusting up with even more vigor to meet your own. you moaned openly, struggling out a meaningless string of pleas, the ache beginning to burn in your legs drowned out when he reached out to rub tight, fast circles around your clit. he was grinning now, licking his lips before he spoke in a knowing slur, "you're gonna cum soon, aren't you?"

"yes, f-fuck yes..!" it took you a moment to find your words, embarrassed by how fast he'd managed to work you up to this point but unable to be dishonest in your current position.

his motions didn't falter in the slightest, only seeming to grow more and more urgent as you quivered and whined, bouncing yourself up and down on his cock like it was the last time you'll ever get the chance to do it. and while that's likely the case, you don't care to think about it, too wrapped up in the way you could feel that pressure that had been welling in your stomach finally reach a breaking point, stammered curses devolving into breathless cries as you came hard around him.

you could feel the movement of his hips slow significantly, still rocking up into you to let you ride out your high but not nearly enough for him to push himself over the edge along with you. but you're grateful for his mercy, knowing that if he'd continued at the pace he was going you probably wouldn't be able to walk the next morning. so you took it as a testament to his goodwill, falling forward onto his chest in a whimpering heap, trying to steady your breathing and calm your heart rate, remaining seated on his still hard cock.

you felt a strong arm wrap around your waist, the other resting across your shoulder so he could settle his hand on the back of your head, fingers working their way into your hair and gently carding through it. the attention was comforting, unexpected but definitely comforting as you pressed your face into the crook of his neck, still too hazy off of your post-orgasm bliss to have any shame about wanting to be close to his warmth. you didn't think about whether he was expecting you to get him off at some point, or if he was just content letting you rest on top of him like this, but you soon found that he had a much different answer—or rather, a question—that didn't at all take you into consideration.

"so, reiner, are you just going to stand there and watch all night?"

there was confusion for a brief moment, then a horrifying realization that made an ice-cold fear prick under your spine, blood draining from your face as you felt the fine hairs on the back of your neck raise, completely frozen at the knowledge that the worst of the night you had imagined had come true. zeke's hand didn't stop its slow petting across your head, arm fastening around your body, seemingly in preparation for you to start squirming or fighting to get away. but you couldn't move an inch, not even enough to turn your head and risk a glance at your friend who was apparently right at the door.

"well?" his voice rumbled low in his chest once more, dripping with arrogance, entirely absent of any shame, just tempting him to step past the unseen boundary that had kept him there for however long he'd been watching, "i know, i know, you haven't your fair share all night. it's just so, sohard to let go once you finally get your hands on her. you should know all about that feeling, right?"

"fuck you."

you felt a warm curl in your stomach at the sound of his voice, breathing short and fast as your heart skipped anxiously, but mentally almost enjoying the fact that he was feeling something for you, even if it was some sort of possessive envy. the sound of his heavy, uneven footsteps making their way towards the bed.

he clearly still sounded drunk—who wouldn't be after so many beers in one sitting—and that was probably why he didn't hesitate at all to start tugging his clothes off, the ruffle of fabric and clinking metal of a belt being unbuckled finally snapping out of your compliant state, shaky arms trying to push yourself in bed. zeke allowed you to sit up, hands dropping to your thighs as your foggy gaze wandered from his face over to reiner at the bedside, heartbeat nearly drowning out the other sounds in the room as it drummed loudly in your ears.

"you don't mind, do you?" zeke called your attention back to him, gently stroking up and down your thigh just as he had been when you'd first accepted his offer.

your mouth had gone dry, leaving you struggling to get enough saliva back for your tongue not to stick to the roof of your mouth, feeling the heat of arousal flickering back to life when his cock twitched inside of you. did you mind? well you definitely minded the humiliation, the anxiety taut within your chest that made each breath an effort, the fact that you had no idea what was going on or would happen next. but did you mind enough to force yourself off of him, to struggle to collect your clothes from the ground and stagger out of the room with shaky legs that you weren't sure were capable of doing even that right now? did you really want this?

but it seemed that the choice had already been made in both of their minds, your answer—or lack thereof— speaking for your choice in the matter as zeke's hands lifted you up off of his lap, enough for him to slip out from under you. the sudden emptiness after being so full made you whimper, falling back down onto your calves in the middle of the bed and staring down at zeke's cock, slick with your arousal and still aching to be tended to.

the sinking weight of reiner clambering onto the bed behind you made you exhale a shaky breath, still in disbelief as his hand settled on your cheek, turning your head to face over his shoulder to press his lips onto yours. his kiss was messy but familiar, his low moan making you shiver alongside the feeling of zeke's stare wandering across the display before him. your exchange didn't last long before he pulled away, gazing at you with an unreadable look in his golden eyes for a moment, hand moving to the back of your head to push you down onto your hands and knees.

you obediently complied, met with the sight of zeke's cock once more, peering up to meet his gaze, features showing a mixture of eager expectancy and relaxed pride, just knowing that you were willing to do whatever he asked of you. and he relished in the changes your expressions went through in the next few seconds, the way your eyes widened when reiner's hands grasped your soft hips, how you swallowed thickly to try and get enough saliva down your tongue to get your mouth ready, and finally your mouth falling open and face twisting when reiner eased himself entirely into you in one solid thrust, finding little resistance from how soaked you were. you whimpered out a shaky curse, fists bunching up the sheets under you as he picked up a steady rhythm from behind you, zeke's fingers tangling into your hair and guiding onto your parted lips onto his awaiting cock.

he groaned out at the wet heat of your mouth engulfing him, tongue laving up over the underside of his length as you did your best to take as much of him in as possible without gagging. you wanted to be ashamed of how much you were enjoying the feeling of being entirely overwhelming, fuller than you'd ever felt in your entire life, but you'd be lying to yourself if you said that you'd made a mistake by giving in to the lustful temptations. you could feel your eyes water as zeke hit the back of your throat, your teary gaze and muffled moans against him only seeming to enthrall him further. reiner's hands felt up your waist, one reaching down your front to pinch and roll a nipple between his fingers, driving more stifled sounds and shaky breaths through your nose out of you.

you felt yourself squeezing around his cock, earning yourself a few low, muttered curses as he began to pound even faster into you, evidently approaching his limit just as fast as you are. the hand in your hair was guiding you up and down on the cock in your mouth, the tip of your nose just brushing zeke's stomach each time you surged forward with the momentum of the thrusts from behind you. it was all far too much in the best way possible, vision going hazy at the edges from the lack of proper air you could get into your lungs, insides aching from overusing alongside the tight knotting deep in your gut that was threatening to send you over the edge.

it was zeke that came first, heat pooling over your tongue and spilling down your throat, nearly too much for you to swallow as you tried not to choke. but he kept himself in your mouth and his hand firmly grasping your hair, if not to feel the hum of your desperate whines across your skin then to admire your pathetic expression, half-lidded eyes barely able to hold themselves open enough to stare back at him as you came hard for the second time that night. you could hear reiner give a generous groan of your name, thrusting as deep as he could go just a few times more, having enough sense to not cum inside you, pulling out and making a sticky mess of your trembling thighs.

only after you'd blinked away the glossiness in your eyes did zeke pull himself out of your mouth with a wet pop, holding your head up to appreciate the way your mouth still hung open to gasp in much needed gulps of air, tears and saliva dripping down your chin, halfhearted whimpers still escaping you as you trembled.

"you have good taste, reiner." zeke said, releasing your hair and letting you rest your cheek down against the mattress under you, grabbing his glasses off the side table and putting them back onto his face.

you watched as he stepped off the bed, picking out his clothes from the messy array of garments strewn about on the floor and tugging them on. he fished a handkerchief out of the the pocket of his pants, tossing it at reiner's side and glancing over your body, offering you a lazy smile when he caught your gaze.

"clean her up," he instructed, reaching out to give one last soft touch down your back, "and don't give her anymore trouble, alright? i expect to see you bright and early tomorrow."

you assumed that reiner nodded, since zeke turned without another word and exited the bedroom, making sure to shut the door behind him. for a moment, there was uneasy silence, only occupied by your breaths and the faint sound of zeke pulling on his boots somewhere in the living room and leaving out the front door. you gave a low hiss at the feeling of the fabric smoothing down the backs of your thighs, skin far too sensitive for your liking and legs aching uncomfortably.

you lifted your head up enough to wipe your chin with the back of your hand, eyes and limbs heavy with the desire to sleep. there were no words exchanged as he helped you move to lay down on your back, his face just as tired as he'd looked at the bar, but there was something else weighing down his expression as you took his face in your hands, staring up at him with a soft look of concern.

and though he still said nothing, he kissed you, so much gentler than he'd ever kissed you, with a tenderness that made you want savor this brief moment for as long as you could. but he eventually pulled away, and the brief worry that he might leave just as his captain had minutes before, but he rested down beside you with a low sigh. he didn't protest when you curled into the warmth of his body, head finding a comfortable place on his chest, not even bothering to try and venture out onto the floor to turn off the lamp before you settled down and let your eyes fall shut.

it was easy to fall asleep after he wrapped his arms around you, firm chest rising and falling with steady breaths, heart slow in your ear. you didn't think about the fact that you'd probably wake up alone in the morning, or that walking properly would be a monumental task on its own without even considering going to work to stay on your feet for the entire day—just appreciated this night while he couldn't slip away from you like all the other times before.

235 notes · View notes

chyrstis · 4 years ago

Text

WIP Friday!

I’ve had some tags throughout the week, so I’m going to cash them all in here, since Friday’s the day and I might’ve been hoping to get this posted last night too, whoops! And I want to thank you all for tagging me even if I don’t always respond quickly! <3 I definitely intend to, but there’s never enough time in a day or a week, is there?

Tagged by @redroci @tommymillers @jackiesarch @ma-sulevin and @amistrio and @adelaidedrubman !

Tagging: @writerofblocks @twistedsinews @painterofhorizons @hunnybadgerv @cobb-vanthss @shallow-gravy @nightwingshero @ma-sulevin @shellibisshe @jackalopestride @unlikelynick @geronimo-11 @fluttyseed @fadedjacket @weekend-writer @starsandskies @faithchel @belorage @tomexraider @consumedkings @vasiktomis @chazz-anova @aceghosts @ofravensandgenesis @scarlettkat86 (and if you’re already posted WIPs, don’t mind me one bit! no obligation or pressure’s ever intended)

First, a snippet from Lighting the Fuse’s Ch. 2 which I’d love to edit up and post this weekend, so here’s hoping I can kick myself in the butt hard enough to pull it off? *crosses fingers*

---

“Not tonight, hon. Not tonight.” Propping herself back up on her elbows, she gave him a smile. “You’re here now, though. So…how about it?”

“How about what?”

“You ask,” she replied, giving him a lazy smile. “Since I’m clearly on the cusp of benching you if you don’t.”

Sharky clapped his mouth shut. Stood there, rooted to the ground and didn’t let out a single peep.

That boggled her completely. “Seriously, hon? Nothing?”

It was dark, but Hana could almost swear he was a shade of red darker than her hair right now. “You uh…. See I didn’t think it was-maybe you being asleep kinda threw off my groove a bit.”

Hana blinked at him. Watched a crooked smile settle onto his face as he let a nervous chuckle out.

“Like, like I mean I was gonna-was thinking of maybe doing this sorta-” His words trailed off as he clenched his teeth, swallowed hard, and let out a long exhale. “Okay, so maybe this shit isn’t exactly-”

A loud sigh came from her left directly from the radio, and the sound filled the entire room.

“…Wait, what the fuck?” Sharky asked, his eyes darting everywhere as he tried to pinpoint where it was coming from. “You hear that?”

Clenching her fists, Hana slowly let her hands relax as she let the tension out. “Unfortunately.”

“Deputy, Deputy, Deputy. I know you’re listening. But I’m starting to think you’re doing this on purpose. I thought you wanted my attention. Would’ve been glad to finally have it undivided, and yet you deny me the pleasure of hearing a single response in turn. How…cruel.”

---

And a bit more of the Hana/Sharky one-shot I’ve been chipping away at, that’s actually getting really close to being finished too. I just need to jot down a few more moments for it and see if these two can actually clam up long enough to let me finish

---

“Yo, it’s not like I’ve been there any longer than a few days at a time, and half of the shit they’ve dragged me down to the jail for’s legal, just not in any of the spots I ended up doing it.”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah, which is just fucking stupid seeing as lighting a fire by my house’s fine, but if it gets out to the street and catches on the trees ‘cause it’s extra dry out and the wind’s blowing, suddenly I gotta go in ‘cause I’m negligent or some shit. Then the po-po’s claiming I gotta have a permit to burn in the drier seasons, but it rains fucking plenty here.”

He’d draped his arm over her shoulders by this point, the motion coming so easily from him she hadn’t even noticed at first. Just nestled right into that warmth almost on reflex as Sharky kept on talking, and didn’t want to budge an inch if she could help it.

“Man, it’ll be the driest stretch of the year, and the sky’ll just open up and drop a bucket-load on us ‘cause it’s feeling it, but even if it don’t, anything I start’ll get put out. Just ‘cause I’m around doesn’t mean shit’s gonna go down, or nothing. ‘Cause then phone calls are made, people start looking at me funny, and I’m getting pulled out of my car for jack and shit when maybe I just wanted to take a breather there. Maybe get in a few Zs, take five to ten to jerk it, and they don’t gotta watch that too closely if I’m doing it either.”

She’d been nodding along with him, then stopped. Let that statement sink in as her eyebrows drew together before they rose high on her face.

“…Hon, that’s not legal.”

“Aw, come on, Dep! Don’t tell me there’s some kinda permit for parking out-“

“No, not that. You’d probably get slapped with a ticket or fine, sure, but it’s more about the fact that you were beating it there.”

“It’s indoors.”

That response came quick enough for her to tilt her head back to look at him. To side-eye him heavily as he shrugged, and damn. She’d curled up to him a lot closer than she’d initially thought. Close enough to-

She cleared her throat.

---

And a little more of the No Cult AU, maybe? ...I may have watched Speed again last night entirely due to this. and it might also be up to almost 8K in length as well, pre-edits, so... Help

---

But that didn’t solve the other problem. Towing it.

A truck would’ve been their best bet, but with him already there it didn’t make sense to try and scrape together cash for a tow truck, or to fire off a call to anyone down at the compound. His car had been used to drag Sr’s truck out of more than a few ditches without tearing the frame up, so this wasn’t a stretch to consider, and leaving them hanging now would’ve just been a shit thing to do when they didn’t even have a working phone or forty bucks between them.

And while he’d never been able to get a tow bar to last more than a few months max, he had a few solid workarounds that could still get the job done. One of which he’d seen in a commercial a while back.

He knew it almost by heart at this point, and cool as it’d be to fix their problem by just whipping his pants off and tying their vehicles together with them to help tow them to the compound, he’d gone down that road before. Hell, not just once, but twice now, and considering he’d been left between getting pepper sprayed and arrested, or having a busted set of jeans and his ass hanging out for the rest of the day, he wasn’t sure he liked where that left him on round number three.

Besides these were a well-worn pair, and they seriously didn’t make them like they used to. Long as he tried not to get too creative with them, they had more than a few good years in them yet. So after some sifting and digging through the trunk of his car, Sharky kept his fingers crossed that he’d find an actual tow strap back there. He and Hurk had been through this dance enough times before that he knew he had one, and crossed his fingers that he hadn’t left it over at Sr.’s place.

Sure enough, there it was. Fucking majestic, and almost crumpled in the back, Sharky withdrew one perfect tow strap and broke out a few moves to celebrate it before hitching the two together.

Once it was secure, he told them all to hop in, and while trying to cram one extra person into his car was tough three other people might’ve been pushing it. John regularly had the best seat in the house and still hardly made it more than a few miles before fussing at him, and here they were double - and triple stacking themselves in any spare space in order to take a seat. Man, he was already thinking up ways to relay this story to Hurk later on, but with them semi-settled and packed safe as they could be, he fired the engine up and got them all back on the road.

It wasn’t a far drive out to Joseph’s but he took his time with it. Drove the slowest he’d ever attempted short of being twelve and behind the wheel for the first time, trying to be extra gentle with it all as the van lumbered behind them.

If he went too fast, they’d tear the back of his car off and lose it. If they hit the brakes too hard, they’d get rammed, so he needed to nail that sweet spot. Keep from tipping from one end over into the other as he played his very own version of Speed out on this stretch of road, watching that needle dance back and forth over that perfect point as he started to sweat a little under his cap.

But he had this. Pressed his foot down on the gas and let up when he needed to, exercising the kind of control that even John would give a silent nod of approval to - which would almost make him the Keanu to his Sandra, except John wasn’t there and currently trying to crawl under any of this shit to keep a bomb from going off - but whatever, it was close enough.

So he watched the mile markers fly by as they got closer and closer to the island, and by the time they rolled through the gate and came to a stop, Sharky let out whatever breath he’d started holding, and didn’t even care when the van nearly smashed into them on the home stretch anyway.

#wip #some of these are incredibly rough b/c my brain's part mush right now #but I've also had some of these segments stashed for way too long too #also if you want a laugh go ahead and look up the the old levi jeans commercial where they're 'towing' cars with it #of all the things to store in my brain over the years as a source of amusement it would be that

31 notes · View notes

trans-advice · 4 years ago

Text

Excerpt from “Transgender History” (2017) by Susan Stryker (“Chapter 3: Trans Liberation”)

[...]

Stonewall:

Meanwhile, across the continent [from San Francisco, California, USA], another important center of transgender activism was taking shape in New York City [New York, USA], where, not coincidentally, Harry Benjamin maintained his primary medical practice. In 1968, Mario Martino, a female-to-male transsexual, founded Labyrinth, the first organization in the United States devoted specifically to the needs of transgender men. Martino and his wife, who both worked in the health care field, helped other transsexual men navigate their way through the often-confusing maze of transgender-oriented medical services just then beginning to emerge, which (despite being funded primarily by Reed Erickson) were geared more toward the needs of transgenderwomen than transgender men. Labyrinth was not a political organization but rather one that aimed to help individuals make the often-difficult transition from one social gender to another.

Far overshadowing the quiet work of Martino’s Labyrinth Foundation, however, were the dramatic events of June 1969 at the Stonewall Inn, a bar in New York’s Greenwich Village. The “Stonewall Riots” have been mythologized as the origin of the gay liberation movement, and there is a great deal of truth in that characterization, but—as we have seen—gay, transgender, and gender-nonconforming people had been engaging in militant protest and collective actions against social oppression for at least a decade by that time. Stonewall stands out as the biggest and most consequential example of a kind of event that was becoming increasingly common, rather than as a unique occurrence. By 1969, as a result of many years of social upheaval and political agitation, large numbers of people who were socially marginalized because of their sexual orientation or gender identity, especially younger people who were part of the Baby Boomer generation, were drawn to the idea of “gay revolution” and were primed for any event that would set such a movement off. The Stonewall Riots provided that very spark, and they inspired the formation of Gay Liberation Front groups in big cities, progressive towns, and college campuses all across the United States. Ever since the summer of 1969, various groups of people who identify with the people who participated in the rioting have argued about what actually happened, what the riot’s underlying causes were, who participated in it, and what the movements that point back to Stonewall as an important part of their own history have in common with one another.

Although Greenwich Village was not as economically down-and-out as San Francisco’s Tenderloin, it was nevertheless a part of the city that appealed to the same sorts of people who resisted at Cooper Do-Nut, Dewey’s, and Compton’s Cafeteria: drag queens, hustlers, gender nonconformists of many varieties, gay men, lesbians, and countercultural types who simply “dug the scene.” The Stonewall Inn was a small, shabby, Mafia-run bar (as were many of the gay-oriented bars in New York back in the days when being gay or cross-dressing were crimes). It drew a racially mixed crowd and was popular mainly for its location on Christopher Street near Sheridan Square, where many gay men “cruised” for casual sex, and because it featured go-go boys, cheap beer, a good jukebox, and a crowded dance floor. Then as now, there was a lively street scene in the bar’s vicinity, one that drew young and racially mixed queer folk from through the region most weekend nights. Police raids were relatively frequent (usually when the bar was slow to make its payoffs to corrupt cops) and relatively routine and uneventful. Once the bribes were sorted out, the bar would reopen, often on the same night. But in the muggy, early morning hours of Saturday, June 28, 1969, events departed from the familiar script when the squad cars pulled up outside the Stonewall Inn.

[Source text Inserts “Sidebar: Radical Transsexual” here]

A large crowd of people gathered on the street as police began arresting workers and patrons and escorting them out of the bar and into the waiting police wagons. Some people in the crowd started throwing coins at the police officers, taunting them for taking “payola.” Eyewitness accounts of what happened next differ in their particulars, but some witnesses claim a transmasculine person resisted police attempts to put them in the police wagon, while others noted that African American and Puerto Rican members of the crowd—many of them street queens, feminine gay men, transgender women, or gender-nonconforming youth—grew increasingly angry as they watched their “sisters” being arrested and escalated the level of opposition to the police. Both stories might well be true. Sylvia Rivera, a transgender woman who came to play an important role in subsequent transgender political history, long maintained that, after she was jabbed by a police baton, she threw the beer bottle that tipped the crowd’s mood from mockery to collective resistance. In any case, the targeting of gender-nonconforming people, people of color, and poor people during a police action fits the usual patterns of police behavior in such situations.

Bottles, rocks, and other heavy objects were soon being hurled at the police, who, in retaliation, began grabbing people from the crowd and beating them.Weekend partiers and residents in the heavily gay neighborhood quickly swelledthe ranks of the crowd to more than two thousand people, and the outnumberedpolice barricaded themselves inside the Stonewall Inn and called for reinforcements. Outside, rioters used an uprooted parking meter as a batteringram to try to break down the bar’s door, while other members of the crowdattempted to throw a Molotov cocktail inside to drive the police back into the streets. Tactical Patrol Force officers arrived on the scene in an attempt to contain the growing disturbance, which nevertheless continued for hours until dissipating before dawn. That night, thousands of people regrouped at the Stonewall Inn to protest. When the police arrived to break up the assembled crowd, street fighting even more violent than that of the night before ensued. One particularly memorable sight amid the melee was a line of drag queens, arms linked, dancing a can-can and singing campy, improvised songs that mocked the police and their inability to regain control of the situation: “We are the Stonewall girls / We wear our hair in curls / We always dress with flair / We wear clean underwear / We wear our dungarees / Above our nellie knees.” Minor skirmishes and protest rallies continued throughout the next few days before finally dying down. By that time, however, untold thousands of people had been galvanized into political action.

Sidebar: Radical Transsexual

Suzy Cooke was a young hippie from upstate New York who lived in a commune in Berkeley, California, when she started transitioning from male to female in 1969. She came out as a bisexual transsexual in the context of the radical counterculture.

I was facing being called back up for the draft. I had already been called up once and had just gone in and played crazy with them the year before. But that was just an excuse. I had also been doing a lot of acid and really working things out. And then December 31, 1968, I took something—I don’t really know what it was—but everything just collapsed. I said, “This simply cannot go on.” To the people that I lived with, I said, “I don’t care if you hate me, but I’m just going to have to do something. I’m going to have to work it out over the next couple of months, and that it doesn’t matter if you reject me, I just have to do it.”

As it was, the people in my commune took it very well. I introduced the cross-dressing a few days later as a way of avoiding the draft. And they were just taken aback at how much just putting on the clothes made me into a girl. I mean, hardly any makeup. A little blush, a little shadow, some gloss, the right clothes, padding. I passed. I passed really easily in public. This is like a few months before Stonewall. And by this point I was dressing up often enough that people were used to seeing it.

I was wallowing in the happiness of having a lot of friends. Here I was being accepted, this kinda cool/sorta goofy hippie kid. I was being accepted by all these heavy radicals. I had been rejected by my parental family, and I had never found a family at college, and now here I was with this family of like eight people all surrounding me. And as it turned out, even some of the girls that I had slept with were thinking that this was really cool. All the girls would donate clothes to me. I really had not been expecting this. I had been expecting rejection, I really had been. And I was really very pleased and surprised. Because I thought that if I did this then I was going to have to go off and live with the queens. And I didn’t.

Stonewall’s Transgender Legacy:

Within a month of the Stonewall Riots, gay activists inspired by the events in Greenwich Village formed the Gay Liberation Front (GLF), which modeled itself on radical Third World liberation and anti-imperialist movements. The GLF spread quickly through activist networks in the student and antiwar movements, primarily among white young people of middle-class origin. Almost as quickly as it formed, however, divisions appeared within the GLF, primarily taking aim at the movement’s domination by white men and its perceived marginalization of women, working-class people, people of color, and trans people. People with more liberal, less radical politics soon organized as the Gay Activists Alliance (GAA), which aimed to reform laws rather than foment revolution. Many lesbians redirected their energy toward radical feminism and the women’s movement. And trans people, after early involvement in the GLF (and being explicitly excluded from the GAA’s agenda), quickly came to feel that they did not have a welcome place in the movement they had done much to inspire. As a consequence, they soon formed their own organizations.

In 1970, Sylvia Rivera and another Stonewall regular, Marsha P. Johnson, established STAR—Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries. Their primary goal was to help street kids stay out of jail, or get out of jail, and to find food, clothing, and a place to live. They opened STAR House, an overtly politicized version of the “house” culture that already characterized black and Latino queer kinship networks, where dozens of trans youth could count on a free and safe place to sleep. Rivera and Johnson, as “house mothers,” would hustle to pay the rent, while their “children” would scrounge for food. Their goal was to educate and protect the younger people who were coming into the kind of life they themselves led—they even dreamed of establishing a school for kids who’d never learned to read and write because their formal education was interrupted by discrimination and bullying. Some STAR members, particularly Rivera, were also active in the Young Lords, a revolutionary Puerto Rican youth organization. One of the first times the STAR banner was flown in public was at a mass demonstration against police repression organized by the Young Lords in East Harlem in 1970, in which STAR participated as a group. STAR House lasted for only two or three years and inspired a few short-lived imitators in other cities, but its legacy lives on even now.

A few other transgender groups formed in New York in the early 1970s. A trans woman named Judy Bowen organized two extremely short-lived groups: Transvestites and Transsexuals (TAT) in 1970 and Transsexuals Anonymous in 1971. More significant was the Queens’ Liberation Front (QLF), founded by drag queen Lee Brewster and heterosexual transvestite Bunny Eisenhower. The QLF formed in part to resist the erasure of drag and trans visibility in the first Christopher Street Liberation Day march, which commemorated the Stonewall Riots and is now an annual event held in New York on the last Sunday in June. In many other cities, this weekend has become the traditional date to celebrate LGBTQ Pride. The formation of the QLF demonstrates how quickly the gay liberation movement started to push aside some of the very people who had the greatest stake in militant resistance at Stonewall. QLF members participated in that first Christopher Street Liberation Day march and were involved in several other political campaigns through the next few years—including wearing drag while lobbying state legislators in Albany. QLF’s most lasting contribution, however, was the publication of Drag Queen magazine (later simply Drag), which had the best coverage of transgender news and politics in the United States, and which offered fascinating glimpses of trans life and activism outside the major coastal cities. In New York, QLF founder Lee Brewster’s private business, Lee’s Mardi Gras Boutique, was a gathering place for segments of the city’s transgender community well into the 1990s.

#pride was a riot #lgbt+ history #lgbtqia+ history #pride month #pride #marsha p johnson #sylvia rivera #stonewall riots #stonewall #susan stryker #usa centric

40 notes · View notes

taetaespeaches · 5 years ago

Text

“I don’t know where we go from here, Dear.”

jimin x reader (or oc) genre: fluff; angst word count: 1.8K

a/n: the time has come... JIMIN IS GETTING HIS GIRL BACK!!! This is the first time they see each other after he shows up at Dear’s place in, “Yeah, I’m drunk. And you’re wearing my t-shirt and I fucking love you.” So yeah, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!!!

p.s. This is sorta kinda inspired by “Until the Sun Comes Up” by Gabrielle Aplin. So yeah, do with that what you will.

YOUR hand was nearly shaking as you adjusted your seatbelt across your body. The last time you saw Jimin was a week ago when he came to apartment looking for a way to go back in time. When he asked to see you, you expected a simple dinner date or a walk along the Han River, but you had been sitting in the car for over thirty minutes now and the city was beginning to disappear behind you.

“I haven’t been this nervous since our first date,” Jimin admitted shyly, you looking across the cab at him. “Or that whole time between, you know, our first time and first date.”

You couldn’t help the grin that formed on your lips at his admission as well as the memory of how shy he was for those two days between the first hook up and first date. You were both nervous, but he was more obviously so. At least for a little while.

You went from friends to lovers overnight. It was hard to even remember what you and Jimin looked like before the extra label was added to your relationship. It was even harder to comprehend what you looked like now.

“I was nervous too,” you told him, Jimin taking a quick glance from the road to you, obviously surprised. “And now.”

“Really?”

“Of course,” you smiled. “I just hide it better.” You hid a lot of things better. Your love and your heartbreak for starters.

A tense quiet settled inside the car, the low hum of Jimin’s music buzzing throughout the cab. You let the silence persist as you turned your attention to the window as Jimin drove you both to an unknown destination.

It was a little over a month ago that Jimin broke up with you over a text. It was so unlike Jimin it scared you into action before you could even take in the purpose of the text. You desperately called him but every effort went to voicemail. After a text to Taehyung to have him check on your boyfriend, and Tae assuring you he was ok considering the circumstance, you got angry. And you refused to speak to the man until he showed up at your apartment drunk, sad, regretful, and desperate.

For weeks you wanted to blame him for the whole thing. But you knew you were to blame as well. You had been pushing him away for months before the breakup, letting your own personal struggles affect your relationship. You didn’t want to push him away, but how do you simply let another person into the fucked up hell space that is your mind? You had never before wanted a person so badly during those months as you wanted Jimin, but it was like you couldn’t, or wouldn’t, allow yourself to reach out for him. And that made him feel very insecure and unsure. He felt unloved.

As Jimin drove further and further from Seoul, completely losing the city skyline, you turned to him in confusion.

“Where are we going?” You asked, turning to look at him.

“Away,” he grinned cheekily.

You let a small chuckle slip as you looked at the road ahead of you. “Away where?”

“Away from ourselves.”

You looked back at him in response to his words. You scrutinized his face as he stared ahead, eyes focused on the road but his mind wandering through a million loud thoughts. “There you are being a poet again,” you teased, Jimin’s lips quirking into an amused smile.

You slowly looked away from him, staring ahead, waiting to see the final destination for your date or whatever it’s called when your ex-boyfriend/best friend takes you out of the city in his bid to win you back.

Several minutes passed in silence before Jimin called to you gently, “Dear?”

You hummed, looking over at him, the pet name sounding so natural coming from him.

“Do you think people have to be ok before they can give themselves to someone else?”

The question should have taken you by surprise but you knew Jimin well enough to know he often had these deeply personal and sometimes troublesome questions swimming around his mind.

You thought for a moment before shaking your head. “No,” you started, Jimin looking from the road just for a small moment to peer at your face. “I’ve started thinking lately that if you’re lucky enough to have someone and its real, you have to give yourself to them even if you’re not ok.”

He forced a small smile though his eyes became glassy in the dashboard light. “I’m not ok.”

You nodded in understanding, keeping your gaze on him as his face became less clear through the tears that gathered along your lower eyelid. “Yeah, me too.” He looked over at you to see you beginning to cry and his face scrunched up as his own tears increased. “Jimin,” you whimpered.

When he sniffled you reached out to touch his forearm. “I fucked up, I kept pushing you away—”

He adamantly shook his head, telling you, “no, no, this is on me—”

“No, you needed me. And Jimin, I needed you, fuck, I wanted you, I just couldn’t—”

When a sob wracked through your body into the otherwise quiet car, Jimin quickly pulled over to the side of the road as an oncoming car sped by you.

“Dear,” he started, turning to you and pulling your hands from your face where you were wiping tears, simply holding them. “I broke up with you over a text.” He didn’t say anything more, letting his words sink in as proof to why the whole situation was his fault. You both knew he wasn’t the only one to blame, but at this point, did it even matter?

“Why did you send the text?” You asked him through your tears.

“I don’t—I don’t even know, baby, it’s—I get so insecure sometimes and I was driving myself insane on tour thinking about you and whether you love me and I just—I get so scared sometimes that you’ll just walk away.”

“I could never just walk away,” you told him defensively, but also to assure him. “I hate that I made you feel so insecure and unloved because I just love you more than anything and I should have been pouring all of that love into you.” Tears fell down Jimin’s face at your words as his hands squeezed yours tighter. “It’s going to take a while for me to forgive myself for that. A lot longer than it’s gonna take for me to forgive you.”

“Can you forgive me?” He posed, looking into your glistening eyes with his own.

“You know I can,” you whispered. “But can you forgive me?”

He didn’t answer immediately. Instead, his eyes scanned your face. Then he brought your hand to his lips and feathered kisses to your knuckles. “I already have,” he mumbled against your hand.

Fresh tears burst from your eyes at his confession, Jimin gently placing your hands on the console just before they met your face, gently wiping your cheeks with his palms. You leaned into his touch, bringing your hands to grab his wrists.

“I don’t know where we go from here, Dear,” he softly admitted. “But you were my best friend before all the extra and I’m not giving up on us.” He paused for a moment, both of you watching each other carefully. “Even if you want to go back to just friends.”

You scoffed at the statement, Jimin pulling his eyebrows together in confusion to the sound. “Chim, we were never just friends. I don’t want to go back, I want to fix this.”

Jimin let a small smile greet his lips, the sight making you return a small one of your own. You leaned forward, dropping your head to his shoulder as his arm wrapped around your upper back, his hand finding your tricep. His palm and fingers soothed over the muscle as he told you, “We should probably get back on the road, we still have like an hour until we get there.”

“Jesus, did Taehyung show you some spot out here or something?” You asked, though you didn’t dare lift your head to look at him, afraid of losing his touch.

Jimin giggled. “Yeah, he did actually.” You fell into laughter, Jimin laughing with you as he shifted his position, his hand finding your chin and directing you to sit up and look at him.

“I don’t want to drive anymore, I just want to be here with you,” you told him and his thumb gently ran along your jaw. “Wherever we are right now, I just want to exist here with you and lose ourselves or whatever you said earlier in your poetry recital.”

He flashed you a stunning smile and nodded. “Ok, but,” he started, craning his body to reach for something in the backseat, “do you still,” he sat back in his seat holding a couple of long thin plastic packages up for you to see, “want to play with these?”

You reached for the packages in realization. “Oh my god,” you giggled, inspecting the sparklers. “Of course I do.”

Within a matter of seconds, you and Jimin were out in the cool air as Jimin used a lighter to ignite the ends of your sparklers. As they fizzled with sparks, you both backed away and began waving them around.

You were spinning and laughing as Jimin giggled and drew shapes. Several cars drove past but neither of you took notice. He gave several attempts to spell your name before the sparks faded out, but he could never complete the word in time, letting out yells of playful frustration.

It felt like a dream, and he was burning so brightly in the night air, carefree for the first time in months. He was beautiful.

By the time the sparklers burned out, you were both breathless, standing a few feet from one another, staring at each other. He walked toward you and when he was close enough, you gripped the material of his shirt and pulled him to you. Wrapping your arms around his waist, his secured themselves around the back of your head.

You didn’t know how long you stayed like that, but it was the closest you felt to him in months, and him you, and neither of you wanted to let go of that. Only time would tell how long it would take for things to feel normal, or whether normal was even a possibility. Maybe a new normal was in the making.

All you were certain of was you were willing to travel through the unknown, as long as he was by your side. And you weren’t letting go of the night. Not until the sun came up.

331 notes · View notes

actress4him · 4 years ago

Text

Whumptober 2020 - Day 8

Today is our first strictly emotional whump day...only a couple of brief, non-graphic mentions of an already existing injury. Also, today’s fic is really freakin’ sad. Like, I almost made myself cry. So, sorry ahead of time.

Read on AO3

Read on FFN

Day 8 - Abandoned/Isolation

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Warnings: fantastic racism, not really suicide ideation but kinda?, abandonment, solitary confinement, disassociation, imprisonment, foster home mention, self-loathing, restraints, unflattering depiction of everyone except Keith and sorta Shiro, ambiguous ending

“I’m...part Galra.”

“I...I’m sorry, what?”

Keith ducked his head and cut his eyes to the side to avoid looking at Allura. “The knife I got from my mom. It’s...something that every Blade carries. And the only way to activate one is to...have Galra blood.”

“And you activated yours?”

His eyes darted up to Coran’s unreadable expression and back down again. “Yes.”

“Wait, but that makes no sense,” Lance exclaimed, and Keith could imagine his hands flailing as he spoke. “He’s human. He’s obviously human.”

Hunk hummed in agreement. “Yeah, if he was part Galra you’d think there’d be some sign of it. Something...purple, or something, I dunno.”

“Or a little more height,” Lance snorted.

Shiro’s hand dropped onto his uninjured shoulder, and he jumped. “Well, we don’t know for sure how much of him is actually Galra. Obviously he ended up with mostly human genes, at least when it comes to appearance.”

“Ah, but other than appearance...that actually explains so much about Mullet. Hot-headed, reckless, socially inept -”

Normally Keith would have snapped back by then, but he just drew his shoulders farther up toward his ears, arms crossed tightly across his chest as if he could keep himself from falling apart. It was Shiro who broke in for him.

“Lance, that’s enou-”

“When were you planning on telling us?”

The question took him so much by surprise that he jerked his head up, regretting it as soon as he saw Allura’s stony glare. “W-what?”

Sparks seemed to shoot from her impossibly blue eyes. “When were you planning on telling us your heritage, before this accidental reveal today? Sometime after you betrayed us, I suppose?”

Keith couldn’t seem to catch his breath. “No, n-...I didn’t know, I swear. This is...this is as much of a surprise to me as it is to all of you.” He knew the news wouldn’t be taken well, especially by Allura, though Coran, Shiro, and Pidge were next on the list. But he never expected to be accused of hiding it from them, of planning to betray Voltron. “I’m not...I would never…”

“Never what, turn on Voltron? If you’re really Galra, which I assume you wouldn’t lie about that, then it’s in your very nature.”

Shiro gave his shoulder a squeeze and spoke up. “Princess, as the person here who has known Keith the longest, I can assure you that what he says is true. He didn’t know until today.”

“And how would you know that?” she shot back. “How do you know that he hasn’t just been hiding it from you, like he has from all of us?”

“Because I know him.” Shiro waved a hand to include the others in the room. “We all know him! Right? We’ve been working alongside him all these months...he’s helped save so many people, including each of us! Regardless of whether he knew or not - which I still believe he didn’t - he’s a good person. Being part Galra doesn’t define him.” It was an echo of the words he had told Keith on the way back to the Castle. Keith still wasn’t sure that he believed them anymore than the rest of the room’s occupants.

Hunk was the first to reply, hesitantly. “I...I don’t know, man. I mean, I kinda really...don’t know him all that well? I’d like to say I do, but…”

“But Mullet never really lets anybody get to know him.” Lance sounded much less hesitant, and more and more like he was siding with Allura. “He’s always so standoffish. I thought it was just because he was a jerk, but maybe it was because he was keeping a secret. Or because he was plotting to kill us all.”

Shiro gaped at him, flabbergasted. “Lance! You don’t really think that, do you?”

But he did. They all did, to some extent or another, Keith could see it. They all thought he was some kind of monster, and...maybe he was.

Lance continued to defend his opinion, while Hunk waved his hands in front of his face and refused to give more of one. It was obvious from Shiro’s tone that he was growing not only frustrated, but desperate. Finally, he turned to the youngest member of the team, the only one who had yet to speak.

“Pidge?”

A moment passed before she lifted her head, and Keith’s heart skipped a beat when those tear-filled but furious eyes met his. She opened her mouth and sucked in an audible breath before throwing her words like daggers. “Do you know where my family is?”

His stomach plummeted to the floor. “No, Pidge, I...of course I don’t, I -” He couldn’t say anymore. It didn’t matter what he said, anyway, no one was going to listen to him. Pidge turned her eyes back to the floor, fists clenched by her sides, as the rest of the room devolved into chaos.

Shiro and Allura were shouting back and forth at each other, Hunk was trying to comfort Pidge, and Lance was shooting glares at him like he was the devil incarnate. Keith stood in the middle of it all with his hands fisted in his hair, wishing he could disappear. Wishing he could go back to that morning and never go to the base, wishing he could go back all the way to the beginning and never be born. It’d be better that way, right? A freak of nature like he was shouldn’t exist. If he’d never been born, then Voltron would have found another red paladin, one who wasn’t Galra, and they could carry on saving the universe without having to deal with this mess.

“Enough!” Allura’s voice rang out over everyone else. “Perhaps we cannot prove his true motives, but one thing is certain, he cannot be trusted. Coran, Lance, escort him downstairs to a cell. We will decide what to do with him at a later date.”

Keith went numb. Everything that happened from that moment on felt like he was watching a movie on a screen. Shiro fairly exploded, protesting Allura’s decision, but the princess pinned him to the nearest console and sneered something about him daring to usurp her authority. Cold, unfeeling hands latched onto both his arms, tugging him harshly toward the door. He walked in a daze.

The next thing he knew, he was standing in the middle of a spherical, blue-tinted forcefield, with no knowledge of how he had gotten there. Down a long walkway, Coran and Lance were disappearing into an elevator. The doors slammed shut on their backs. He was completely alone.

Alone, like he had been after his dad died when he was six. Alone, like he had been in nearly every foster home that followed. Alone, like when Shiro went to Kerberos and subsequently vanished. He thought that by now he’d be used to being alone. But he wasn’t. Not anymore. Not when he had spent the last few months surrounded by people, people whom he didn’t always get along with, but whom he had finally let himself begin to call friends. Not when he had thought he was finally figuring out what it felt like to belong somewhere.

Sinking to the floor, he bit back a hysterical laugh. He should have known better. Nothing good ever lasted in his life. No one but Shiro ever really cared about him, so why had he let himself think that these people did? Maybe Lance was right. Maybe it was all because he had been Galra all along. He had always been the weird kid, the outsider, the foster that nobody wanted, the troublemaker, the rebel. Anytime something good came along, he somehow drove it away. Shiro had spent a lot of time trying to convince him that it wasn’t true, that he wasn’t responsible for other people’s choices, but Keith had never quite believed him. If it wasn’t true, then why did trouble and sorrow seem to follow him everywhere he went? Even as an adult, even in quiznaking space he couldn’t keep from messing up the good in his life.

He didn’t blame Allura for locking him up. Didn’t blame Lance for his glares, didn’t blame Pidge for her anger or Hunk and Coran for their silence. He wouldn’t trust him, either, if he was in their place. The Galra had ruined each and every one of their lives. Even if he knew that he would never, ever hurt his team...maybe he could take on some of the blame of his race. If punishing him made them feel better, then he’d take it.

Time dragged by in that tiny cell. He knew, because the lights in the cavernous room around him brightened and dimmed with the Castle’s cycles just like they did upstairs, and bowls of food goo emerged out of the ground twice per cycle. Maybe it was some kind of Altean science/magic, or maybe there was just a dispenser beneath the floor. He didn’t know, or care. He was glad to get the food, but the fact that he didn’t even get that tiny bit of interaction that someone bringing him a meal would give him hurt. It was like being in the desert shack all over again, but much worse. In the desert, he had the choice to go into town and see people if he wanted, and he had keeping himself alive and chasing after the Blue Lion to keep his mind occupied.

Here, he had nothing. His time was divided between eating, pacing the floor, doing pushups - one armed, since his shoulder still wasn’t healed - and situps, and lying on the hard bed, though he slept very little.

He wasn’t sure what hurt more - the initial rejection and mistrust, or the lack of care now. No one even bothered to come down and ask him questions, to try to find out the truth, much less actually check on him and make sure he was okay. He wondered if they even looked at the security feed ever to see if he was even still alive.

He knew what did hurt the most, though, more than both of those things combined. Shiro. Out of everyone, he thought that at least Shiro would come down at some point. The fact that he had so readily accepted Keith’s Galra heritage had baffled him, but he had been the only one trying to defend him. So where was he now? Were they preventing him from visiting somehow? Or had he changed his mind after all, and sided with the others?

In the end, it took them four quintants that felt like an eternity to decide his fate. The elevator doors opened late in the day, the sudden noise after so much silence startling. Keith swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up quickly, trying not to be too disappointed when only Allura and Coran walked out. He supposed it was too much to ask that he could see all of his friends one more time.

Stopping in front of the cell, Allura folded her arms in front of her while Coran crossed his in the back. Both were stoic, betraying no emotion on their faces. Allura, of course, was the one to speak.

“We’ve come to escort you off the ship.”

His stomach clenched, even though he hadn’t expected anything different. “Okay.”

“We have landed on a planet called Borulmyte. It is inhabited only by various primitive and non sentient species. The atmosphere is breathable and the climate livable for both humans and Galra.” The last word was said with no small measure of disgust. “There are plenty of edible plants and animals, so you should be able to survive just fine.”

Survive. That was the key word in all of this, wasn’t it? He had half expected not to survive, to be thrown out of an airlock into the cold vacuum of space. But now...surviving is all that he would be doing. Alone, again. He shouldn’t have expected anything different. Alone was apparently his destiny. Alone on a planet with no other sentient life, no one to interact with, no possible way of ever leaving.

Surviving. No more living, those days were over. He wasn’t ever very good at that, anyway. Surviving was what he did best. How long, though, would he last? How long until he decided he was tired of surviving, when there wasn’t even anything left to survive for? Out in the desert, he had had the Blue Lion calling him, and the stubborn notion that Shiro wasn’t really dead. Now...he’d only have himself.

“This was certainly no easy decision, and much time, discussion, and thought has gone into choosing the proper planet. So I hope that you will cooperate and not cause a scene. Nothing you can say or do is going to change our minds now.”

For a moment, he let himself imagine those discussions. It certainly wasn’t the first time over the past few days he had done so. Did anyone advocate for him? Had Shiro been the one to insist that they make sure the planet was livable? Had they chosen a basically uninhabited place because they wanted to keep him safe from possible Galra rule, or because they wanted to keep locals safe from him? Had anyone voted for just throwing him out the airlock?

He nodded and stood. “Okay.”

An opening was made in the force field so that Coran could enter and lock his wrists into energy cuffs. Then he was escorted up the walkway, into the elevator for a completely silent ride, and out into the familiar front hall. It almost seemed like just yesterday that he and the others had crept cautiously through those towering doors, having no clue the adventures that were waiting for them inside. Now he was being figuratively thrown out the same doors onto a planet that was just as unknown as Arus had been then.

The light was dim when they exited, whatever sun might exist there already having set. They were in an open, desert like area, but a forest of some sort was nearby. At least he had options. He knew how to make his way in an Earth desert, but for food and shelter the forest might be his best option.

“This is where we leave you.”

Coran stepped forward and removed the cuffs, and Keith absentmindedly rubbed at his wrists.

“Don’t suppose I get a communicator like our...your allies.”

Allura just stared at him with the same, unchanging expression. He ran a hand through his hair.

“Right. Listen, um...could you...give everybody a message from me? I was...hoping to get to say goodbye, but…”

Sighing heavily, Allura looked as if she was barely refraining from rolling her eyes. “I suppose that depends on what this ‘message’ is.”

“Um.” He looked down at his feet, scuffing the toes of his boot into the sand. “Tell...tell Hunk that I’ll...miss his cooking. Especially those brownies he made for me. And tell Lance that...I never hated him. He...annoyed me sometimes, but...he was a good friend, too.”

He drew in a deep breath, trying to steady himself. “Tell Pidge…” He swallowed. “Tell Pidge that I hope she finds her family. I really, really do. And that she’s doing great with her bayard. I...kept meaning to tell her that, but never did.

“And Shiro…” His jaw tightened. There were so, so many things to say to Shiro. Things that he should have said long ago, things that he had said before but could never say enough. Things that he’d never get a chance to say again. He dashed errant tears away with the back of his hand. “Just...tell him I love him.”

He looked up finally, giving a wobbly half smile. Allura looked even sterner than before, though Coran’s mouth had twisted a bit to the side in an expression that Keith couldn’t read. “And thank you both, for letting me have the chance to fly Red. She’s...amazing.” One corner of his mouth lifted a little more. “Tell her I’ll miss her.”

A long, awkward moment passed before Allura cleared her throat. “Right, then. If that’s all…”

Coran seemed to shake himself out of his thoughts and pulled Keith’s knife out of his pocket. “We figured you might as well have this. It is yours, after all, and you’ll need it, I’m sure.”

Keith whispered his thanks as he gingerly took it from the man's hands.

“Alright. Well...farewell, Number Four.” Coran gave a little salute, Allura a curt nod, and they turned their backs to walk back up into the Castle.

Once they were gone, Keith stayed rooted in place, unable to make himself move. It was only when the Castle rumbled to life that he took a few unsteady steps backwards. The place that he had come to call home over the past few months lifted from the ground before shooting off into the sky. Keith tipped back his head and watched until it was no more than a speck, blending in with the stars that had begun to come out, refusing to let the tears that burned at his eyelids fall.

There was a pretty good chance that none of his messages would ever get relayed. He hoped they would, but knew that he’d never find out one way or the other. He’d never see any of those he thought were his friends again.

He was alone.

All that was left to do now was survive.

20 notes · View notes

rheyninwrites · 5 years ago

Text

Arthur Morgan/F!Reader

“Well if you like her so much, why don’t you ask her out on a date?”

“She ain’t gonna want someone like me!”

“Why? What’s wrong with you?”

Arthur rolled his eyes. Mary-Beth had just asked him if he wanted to talk, and like a fool, he’d agreed. Then, she’d steered the conversation to you, and somehow he’d ended up telling her how he’d been thinking about you nonstop since you’d joined the gang a few months ago. It wasn’t his fault you were so pretty! But here he was, love struck idiot, spilling his guts like last night’s whiskey. What the hell was wrong with him?

He looked over to where you sat by the campfire, laughing with Sean, and felt a sudden flash of jealousy. Who the hell did that Irish idiot think he was, making you laugh like that, showing off those beautiful teeth? All bright and shiny, looking like something out of a picture book . . . .

Your teeth. He was thinking about your goddamn teeth.

He really was a love struck fool.

Sighing, he made his way to his tent, waving a brief goodbye to Mary-Beth. He laid on his cot, doing what he did every night now, which was think of you. Maybe he should try asking you to spend some time together. Not a date, of course. He didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on you. But maybe, if he could spend a little time with you, then you’d stop running through his dreams every night. It couldn’t hurt, anyway.

The next morning, Arthur volunteered to go to town to get supplies, thinking it’d be an innocent enough reason to invite you somewhere. He stood by the wagon for a few minutes, trying to figure out the best way to say what he wanted to say, then he plucked up his courage and walked over to you. His palms were sweating, his heart was racing, and he was more than a little worried that his knees might give out on him before he got to you. Finally, he’d reached the table where you sat spinning a coin. As he cleared his throat, you looked up, giving him a soft smile that made his stomach feel like it was full of live eels.

“Uh, hey.” He paused, carefully practiced words slipping from his head. “I was thinking . . . that is . . . I was wondering . . . .” Panic was rising in his chest, making his skin hot and flushed. “I wanted to see . . . .” He took a deep breath, letting it out in a frustrated huff. “Shit. I ain’t no good at this sorta stuff.”

Your brow furrowed in confusion. “What is it, Arthur?”

He lost it. Throwing his hands in the air, he turned on his heel and stomped away, spitting out over his shoulder, “Forget about it!”

You were left sitting in confused silence, wondering what exactly had just happened. As you looked around, trying to get some kind of clarity, Tilly walked over, stifling a giggle..

“Poor Arthur. He’s so sweet on you he can’t tell which way is up.”

“Huh? Tilly, what are you talking about?”

“That’s why he was so nervous! Stumbling all over his words and everything.” She raised an eyebrow at your still very perplexed face, then rolled her eyes. “Arthur likes you. You mean you ain’t noticed?”

You shook your head. “There ain’t no way, Tilly. Why on earth would he be interested in me?”

“Because you’re beautiful.” Mary-Beth came out from behind the nearest wagon. “Least that’s what he said.”

“He told you I was beautiful?”

“Well not in so many words, no. But he talked on an on about your smile, and your hair, and your laugh, and when I told him he should ask you out, he didn’t say no. He just said you wouldn’t like him.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “That was just him being nice, that’s all. He ain’t interested in me.”

You walked away, still chuckling about how wrong they had it. Arthur was handsome, kind, brave, and selfless. Women stared at him everywhere he went. Hell, men stared at him too, envious of his muscles and good looks, his easy charm. He was incredible, and incredibly uninterested in you, that was for sure. Why they’d think he was, what he could have said that they had twisted, you didn’t know. But you just knew he’d be mortified if he knew they thought he was interested in you, of all people.

Meanwhile, Arthur was riding alone into town, his mood as foul as it could get. He’d just wanted a little time with you, a chance to be close, hear your voice, see your smile. Instead, he was running an errand he hated alone because he was a moron who couldn’t even talk right around you. And he’d seen Tilly walking over to you as he left, laughing. Mary-Beth had probably told her what he’d said, and she told you, and you were all getting a good laugh about Morgan the moron, ugliest man in the world, who thought he’d stand a chance with someone like you.

By the time he got back, you’d spent the whole day fretting about what Tilly and Mary-Beth had said. They seemed so convinced that he was interested in you, but you just didn’t see how that made sense. You’d seen the picture of his ex-fiancée, and she looked NOTHING like you. She was beautiful, slim, real classy. She looked like the kind of lady that had never worked a day in her life. Definitely not the kinda woman to wear men’s clothes, drink whiskey, and smoke.

You were so busy thinking that you didn’t notice that Arthur had come up beside you until he offered you a cigarette. You took it, nodding your thanks, and he sat down beside you. The log you were seated on was far out on the edge of camp, leaving the two of you in quiet solitude. It was enjoyable, sitting beside him without the pressure of talking, but you couldn’t get what the girls had said off your mind. After a minute, you opened your mouth to speak just as he cleared his throat, and both of you spoke at the same time. He chuckled a bit, then insisted you go first.

“Arthur, you ain’t gonna believe the ridiculous story the girls told me today.”

He felt his cheeks growing hot with embarrassment already, but tried to keep his tone nonchalant.

“What’s that, then?”

“Tilly and Mary-Beth have got this silly idea in their heads that you’re sweet on me. Isn’t that just the craziest thing you ever heard?”

Arthur felt his heart sink. “Why’s that so ridiculous?”

“Well- because. You’re . . . and . . . I mean, someone like you wouldn’t like someone like me!” You squeaked out. “You get eyed every time you go to town, women can’t stop looking at you! Then there’s me. . . nobody’d look twice at me.”

“You hit your head or something? Nobody looks at me. I ain’t nothing to look at.”

“Oh, come on, Arthur. I see it all the time.”

“I seen men staring at you too, you know.”

You scoffed. “Yeah, cause they wanna know what the hell I am. Big ugly thing like me, daring to walk down the street.”

“Aw, now you know that ain’t right. You’re beautiful.”

Arthur’s face went crimson. He hadn’t meant to say that, not like that. But how could you believe you weren’t beautiful?

“You ain’t gotta say that. I know what I look like.” You looked down at your hands in your lap. It hurt, hearing him say you were beautiful, because you wanted it to be true, you wanted him to feel that way, but it just wasn’t possible. He couldn’t ever want someone like you.

“I don’t reckon you do.” He reached over, gently turning your face to his. “You’re beautiful. So beautiful sometimes I look at you, and I feel like I can’t even breathe. Like I shouldn’t even be able to exist in a world with something that beautiful in it.” He looked down, taking your hands in his and swallowing hard. “Truth is, I do like you. So much it scares me.” His mouth drew up in a wry smirk. “I ain’t had much luck with love, you probably heard. I try to avoid it. But then you came along, and . . .”

His eyes met yours, where tears were threatening to spill. “Arthur, this isn’t funny. Don’t say things you don’t mean, don’t make me hope-“ Trying to swallow your tears, you bit your lip. “I just mean, it’s nice for you to try to make me feel like something special, but you ain’t gotta do this. Please.”

Confusion twisted Arthur’s face, morphing into sadness. How could you not see how beautiful you were? Inside and out, he’d never met someone so pretty in all his life.

“Listen, I might be a liar and a thief, but I’m an honest one.” He tried to laugh, but it fell flat. He tilted your chin up and brought his face to yours. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. And I wouldn’t do this.”

His heart pounding, he leaned in and touched his lips to yours softly, then pulled back slightly. When you didn’t move away, he kissed you again, catching your lower lip. His hand slid up your arm to your elbow, then paused for a minute before moving to the small of your back. Cupping the side of his face, you tilted your head, parting your lips slightly in invitation, and you felt the warmth of his tongue against your own. He brought his palm to rest on the back of your head, pulling you closer, and you gripped the front of his shirt. This was ecstasy, perfection.

When the kiss ended, he leaned his forehead against yours. Without a word, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you onto his lap and kissing your cheek.

“You are beautiful. Prettiest goddamn thing I’ve ever seen. I don’t know how on earth you can’t see that. But if you can’t, i promise you, I think you’re pretty enough for the both of us.”

#arthur morgan/reader #arthur morgan fic #f!reader #rdr2 fandom #arthur morgan x reader #rdr arthur #arthurmorgan #arthur morgan #fluff #red dead redemption

156 notes · View notes

marikaaajoy · 4 years ago

Text

my relationship with digital art and how BNHA salvaged it

I just wanted to let out my thoughts but I can only do it here :>

This might be a downer for some people but I’d like to share it with people here. BNHA means the world to me and this is why.

I first started drawing when I was 7 years old in 2006

I think it’s ugly now, but 7 year old me remembered being so proud of this because this is a drawing of my stepfather. This is the only drawing I have that was from my childhood. I think the aim here is to draw in anime style BUT I didn’t even watch anime back then. I had a classmate who loves anime and she taught me to draw in school. Drawing became a favorite hobby immediately after that.

Then it was 2013 and I was 14 years old. Drawing is still my favorite thing to do besides being on the computer. I love anime at this point too. My parents bought an iPad for the whole family, but I was almost always the one using it. I discovered an app called ArtStudio and thought “Wow, I can draw without making a mess and with only my fingers” because I was always too lazy to take out my drawing materials and clean up afterwards.

These were my first digital drawings. The pirate one was the very first. I got obsessed real fast. I can color so easily, undo any mistake, layers are a blessing too. There was just so much more freedom. I always sucked at coloring in traditional art and I didn’t like the mess (idk my hands get so messy traditionally)

The next year, it was 2014, I was 15. My birthday is in a couple of months and I knew my parents were planning to buy me something pricey (I think it was a laptop) so I approached them and asked if they could just buy the Wacom Bamboo as a present which was cheaper anyway and I even explained how it works to them and how it would allow me to draw on the computer instead of the iPad. I tried really hard to be convincing. I would have prepared a powerpoint presentation if I had to.

They did give me the wacom as a present. They even gave it to me months before my birthday so I could use it already. I thought I was the luckiest teen in the world with my parents.

These are a collection of my favorite works from 2014 to 2016. The middle one was my second drawing using wacom and Paint Tool SAI. I was a part of a lot of fandoms in those years lol

It gets downhill from there :/

April 2016, my mom and I moved to Japan, while my stepfather and siblings stay in my country. It was tough. For someone who is obsessed with anime, you’d think I’d be thrilled to live in Japan.

I was. Though only at the first few months. It’s not the same as it’s portrayed in anime (I should’ve known but I used to be blinded by anime). It was just lonely. The language barrier sucked and then lots of financial and family issues until my parents split. I got my first boyfriend too and I thought I was blessed by the nicest boy, but the relationship became extremely toxic but I didn’t have it in me to walk away.

All the shit that happened affected me mentally and emotionally. My biggest outlet which was digital drawing, was also out of the question because I did not have a computer/laptop when we moved to Japan. We left it in our home for my stepfather and siblings, even the iPad. I have my wacom with me, but no computer/laptop to use it with. I couldn’t draw.

I tried though. I used my phone to draw, but it wasn’t the same. Then the life problems got piled up, things got worse, and I just lost motivation in anything. Literally anything. From 2016 to 2019, I stopped watching anime, I dropped out of all the fandoms I’m in, I stopped watching my favorite TV series or movies, and I stopped drawing. I even got a bit disconnected with my friends who lived in my country (we talk regularly online). My family was broken so I gave all my attention to my toxic relationship as well which made everything worse too lol

I didn’t draw besides from a few scribbles and the drawings above. I did try digital art on my phone a couple of times again and even posted them on my IG, but they weren’t any good. Eventually, I got mentally and emotionally drained and dropped out of senior high school. I just stayed home for almost a year, leeching off of my mom. I felt even more worthless and my life had no direction at this point. Nothing mattered anymore.

April 2019 or so I think, my (ex)bf bought me a laptop. He says it’s a gift, but I think the real reason was to make up for something horrible that he did (which is stupid because money /gifts won’t resolve anything). I have a laptop. I can draw again, but I didn’t. I didn’t care, I wasn’t interested in drawing anymore anyway.

Welp. June 2019, I went back to my country. My (ex) bf stayed in Japan. The distance helped me end the relationship and my friends were there (they always were) to help put me back together along with two trips to therapy. I went back to finish my senior high school in my own country this time. That said, I have to stay in my country for school (but I was happy because I didn’t wanna go back to Japan yet when the breakup was still fresh and with going back to school, my life has a direction again.)

It was weird. I remember just being sorta lost and confused because I used to put my time, effort and everything into my previous toxic relationship, which was now gone. I was free and I had so much free time that I didn’t know what to do with it. I got so used to doing nothing and being nothing.

This is where BNHA enters.

Dunno when it started, but I started seeing Bakugou frequently online. It’s usually just Bakugou. I knew who he was because my friend suggested BNHA to me back in late 2018 I think but I didn’t watch it since I’ve lost interest in everything at that point in my life.

But ye I thought he hot af but I still didn’t watch BNHA.

But then for some reason he REALLY kept appearing in my social medias and it was really frequent. The last straw was when I saw a pic of him in UA’s gym uniform and thought “damn boi aight imma watch bnha for u” (y’all gotta admit he looks good in those colors with his combat boots XD )

I watched BNHA. Fell in love with Iida along the way. Then I switched to Tokoyami (but Shoji was hot too so aaaaa), but then angry emotionally-constipated sea urchin head caught my heart again. But oof. BakuDeku moments really made me feel some type of way I haven’t felt since I moved to Japan. It felt new but nostalgic. I fell hard in that ship.

I started obsessing. From memes to posts to fanfictions to buying merch to filling my room with BNHA posters. I realized I was reverting to my old self from the time I was still happy and it was thanks to BNHA (and the good people who helped me through the worst too)

Shit I wanted to draw BNHA, I thought.

I mean, I have a laptop, I still have my wacom and drawing softwares. I could totally draw digitally again if I wanted to.

But guess what

I can’t :c

My hand physically cannot draw. My drawings don’t look the way I want them too. 3 years of not drawing really destroyed any skill I had. I was back to square one.

September (yeah they’re ugly, I laughed at it). If you’re wondering why I drew on paper, it’s because, for some reason, I really CANNOT draw digitally. I mean it. I can barely sketch digitally at this point. The lines and shapes just doesn’t come to life. They’re just scribbles. But somehow, I can kinda draw on paper with a ballpoint pen. But yeah, that was the best I could do at this point in my life

After that, I still tried to draw, to regain my old art style, but it didn’t happen... It just doesn’t look or feel the same. Drawing used to be fun. But during this phase, it felt like my ugly drawings were just mocking me (probably was just too emo that time lol)

Weirdly, around a week or two I think, after my half-assed attempts at drawing, I managed to draw digitally somehow o.o

I did a Midoriya and Todoroki drawing like this too. It was my first post here on Tumblr I think. The annoying part here is that I cannot draw digitally unless I draw on paper first, take a pic, and then trace the lineart. I couldn’t draw directly on the computer. Granted, drawing on paper and drawing on digital is very different for me in the first place anyway. But it was still a pain. And it still looked like shit. I can only draw stiff poses :/ it seems like my brain decided to delete all data about anatomy and posture and backgrounds. My lineart here is even messy af. It still really not the same as my old style.

By 2020, I think I got my old art style back. On March, I made this. This took me 27 total of hrs to make.

Right now, I think it’s not bad, but back in March, I was disappointed with the result. This is when I finally broke down crying because it didn’t look good enough and I hated that it took me 27 hrs to draw “bullshit.” I was angry at myself for losing interest in drawing for 3 years when I could’ve used that time to improve. I had to start all over again and it still didn’t look good. (Current me thinks that the drawing above is alright. I was just a lot harsher to myself back then. Used to have a lot of issues but I’m doing great now)

I cried myself to sleep that night. Woke up wanting to cry again. I wallowed in sadness for a couple of days. Eventually told my friends what’s up. Got some pep talk. Even talked to my sister (she’s great, she always hypes me up with my stuff and sometimes I think she’s my biggest fan with how she appreciates my drawings and I’m really grateful for that).

My world turned a 180 and I was weirdly positive after all that crying because brain chemicals and shit. I had a revelation. If I hate how my art style looked so much, then I should have been putting effort in changing my art style, not trying to regain my old art style (that I don’t like anymore)

I researched a lot. I analyzed different art styles and anatomy again. I did everything I could think of to find a style that works for me. I might have even neglected school for a bit to focus on digital art lmao

After all that work, I posted a fanart of middle school BakuDeku in their classroom. I love that fanart so much even if I probably have better ones by now because that was the first fanart I made that I felt like I could be proud of and it was the first one I made in my new art style. It was a milestone for me.

March 2020, I moved back to Japan and without the toxic relationship, I’m a lot positive now. Happy. I’m myself again after the previous bad years. I’m still continuously learning though, trying to improve, but at least, now, I found my own art style :) I really suck at interacting with people online, but I’m always grateful for the support everyone has been giving my fanarts. I’m happy when my content makes people happy.

This is why BNHA is important to me. The series is great alone, but it’s not just that to me. BNHA is so much more. It’s what made me find the passion to create again, only this time, it’s focused on drawing (I used to write, but now I just draw, but maybe I’ll write again for BNHA).

My family is supportive with my love for BNHA, but I think they don’t know the deeper reason why I love it. Sure, I was fine living on with nothing much going on in my life. I’ll finish school, get a job, work until I die or something. It was okay. It was the way of life. But BNHA gave my life color again. I wasn’t just blindly going through life anymore. I have something to look forward to everyday now. BNHA even became a bridge to other things. Ever since then, I’m a lot more open to people, to try new things, to explore and not just live through life and waste away. I got better at leaving my comfort zone. I’ve never been happier in my life :D

Thank you for supporting my fanarts. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to express myself through BNHA. I hope to make more content in the future and improve even more :)

#plus ultra #<3 #personal

30 notes · View notes