#sorry y’all. I had to let y’all know he does fuck the living daylights out of bonnie gold and it’s not out of love or respect

[dogmetaph0r]

hoping the sam enjoyers of the world know that he is a DEPRAVED FREAK in the making. mostly not his fault but partially just that he’s a freak at heart

[forever-rogue]

Of Princes & Berries - Part 1

A/N: Yeah, so I have like zero self control, and I’m so deep in my Pedro feels and Oberyn is one of my og loves. In this family we throw canon out the window. Canon? I don’t know her. Anyways, this will probably be like 2-3 parts, y’all will get some sexy times, so hold tight. As always, feedback and comments are welcome, and if you’d like to be tagged, let me know! xx

Pairing: Oberyn Martell x Reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: slight language

PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7 | PART 8

MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

Popping a few of the fresh, succulent berries into your mouth, you received a tut and playful glare from the chef that was busy preparing various foods for feasts throughout the day. You gave him an innocent smile before putting a finger to your lips.

"Those are for the prince," he reminded you playfully, passing a jug of wine towards you, "those were imported just for him, best not eat them all."

"Oh relax," you gently bumped him with your hip as you loaded everything onto your serving tray, "our esteemed guest won't be missing a few of them. Besides, these are so much mode delicious than the ones we have here. Ours are so lackluster and have no flavor. These are practically bursting with juice and flavor. Maybe the best I’ve ever had!”

"Why do you think he specifically asked for them?" he turned back to the pot he was stirring, giving you a little sigh.

"Because he's the fucking prince of Dorne?" you started to lift the tray up to carry it to the gardens where he was no doubt waiting, "and he's got impeccable taste. Looks, taste, people throwing themselves at him left and right? What a life he leads.”

"Just make sure this gets out to him," he insisted and you gave him a small salute as you headed out of the dim kitchens, “and no detours to eat more berries!”

A small sigh escaped your lips as you stepped into the daylight and felt the sun's rays hit you and instantly warm you up. Everything felt lighter already. Most days in King's Landing were overcast and not this beautiful, at least not during this time of year, and you planned on taking full advantage of it. Perhaps later, when you were done with morning duties, you’d go and set by the sea for a while. It always relaxed something deep within you.

As soon as you spied the prince, staring out into sea, a smile grew on your face. You'd spoken to him a few times here and there, mostly in passing, since his arrival at King's Landing. He was a bright spot, a welcome interruption in our normally monotonous and drool days.

He always spoke to you in a kind manner, taking the time to ask your name, how you were doing, small things. But unlike most people in the court, he seemed genuine in his actions, kind even. He truly listened when you spoke, rather than just blowing you off.

As you approached him, a smile stretched across his handsome features when he realized it was you, causing a small flutter in your heart.

"Good morning, Y/N," he stood and offered you a small bow as you set the tray down on the table in front of him. It was a sign of respect; reverence. Proprietary would have you bowing to him, but he never was one for rules, "how are you on this fair day?"

"Your highness," you beamed at him, pushing a plate of berries at him, "I dare say my day has been much improved. What good luck it was that they sent me to serve you."

"Good fortune, even a wonderful twist of fate," he sat back and watched you intently, "or perhaps I made a simple request."

"A request," you raised an eyebrow as you sneaked a berry, which just made him chuckle at you. Normally, with almost anyone else, you'd never be so bold. But with Oberyn...it felt normal, right even, "you asked for me?"

"You sound surprised," he mused as you leaned against the table, trying to soak up as much sun as possible, "why does it surprise you so?"

"I don't know," you said quietly, "I just never thought I'd make that much of an impression on anyone. I prefer to pass by quietly, generally."

"You've made quite the impression on me, sweet girl," he said softly. You caught your bottom lip in between your teeth as his words fell over you, "I'll take every opportunity I can to look at that lovely face."

"You flatter me," but a content sigh escaped your lips nonetheless, "it is I who am in awe of your beauty, your highness. Surely."

“Now you’re just flattering me, fanning my ego like everyone else,” he waved his hand at you laughed at him, “I didn’t specifically ask for you just because you fall in line like everyone else.”

“I’m sorry then,” you playfully stuck your tongue out at him, “I shall never flatter you again. Nothing but complete honesty.”

“A simple request, no?” he teased, letting his fingers linger near yours. You studied his hands, the few scars that had marred the warm, tan skin. He was really was beautiful, such a sight to behold in your otherwise dreary life, “can I ask you something...perhaps too forward?”

“Yes,” permission was given without hesitation, and worry. Nothing about him worried in you in that sense. Sure, he was the Red Viper, deadly, feared, and brutal in his own way, but you saw past that...he was also kind, gentle, surprisingly soft spot and quick as a whip, “anything.”

“Have you been with a prince before?” 

“I’ve been with many men who call themselves all sort of things,” you shrugged your shoulders as you poured more wine into his goblet, “kings, princes, knights, lords. You name it and I’ve been with one.”

“And have they lived up to your expectations?”

“Hardly,” you grabbed a berry and popped into your mouth, and raising an eyebrow at him, “the only time I’ve experienced true pleasure, it has certainly not been at the hands of a man.”

“Oh?”

“Yes,” you sat down across from him, far overstepping any boundaries that remained. But Oberyn was different; he wasn’t like all the other princes and lords who spoke down to you like you were some sort of mere peasant. He treated you like an actual person. That in itself was enough to keep you intrigued; his delicious, warm accent didn’t hurt either. It was like music to your ears, sweet like the wine that flowed freely throughout the court, and much more pleasant than the harsh accents of the King’s Landing that you’d have grown accustomed to.

“You prefer the company of women?”

“I do enjoy the company of women,” you gave him a lazy half smile, “very much so. They’re beautiful creatures, soft, and warm, kind. Unlike men, they know how to touch other women, how to make love and make it a pleasurable experience, not just spend five minutes pounding into you until they’ve found release like a common barnyard animal. And then again, if all else fails, there is also the undeniable pleasure you can give yourself.”

“Very valid points,” he eat a few of the fresh berries, his dark eyes never leaving yours. A smile played on his features as relaxed in his seat, letting the sun warm him, “clearly you haven’t been with the right men.”

“Do you think you’re different?”

“I know I’m different.”

“Hmm,” you mused, “you’re very sure of yourself, my prince. Is your reputation well deserved? Are you as good of a lover as they all say?”

“I am,” a small smirk played on his lips as he crossed his legs, gauging your every reaction closely. He was curious, almost deathly curious to see what you hid under your cool exterior. You acted like you belonged in the court, under the direction of the Lannisters, but he could see through right through you. He knew you weren’t fully invested in your job or life here; hells, anyone that spared you more than a passing glance could see that much, “do you care to find out?”

“I appreciate the forwardness,” you gave him a wicked little smile of your own, “but surely you’ve got better things, and individuals, to shower in your worship. I am a simple servant, not worthy of anyone’s time, something I am made sure never to forget.”

You didn’t wait for a response before standing up and brushing your skirts off as you turned to head back inside. You’d been gone for some time now, surely you’d be attracting some unwanted attention any minute. You’d only been meant to serve the prince, not converse as though you were fast friends, shamelessly flirting in the open where anyone could stumble upon the two of you.

Oberyn was a welcome change to the cold atmosphere of the court you were used to. He brought a certain liveliness, warmth, and you swore more sunlight, with him. You could only imagine how wonderful it must be back in Dorne, where he got to spread that same radiance day in and day out. 

“Where are you from?” he asked as you turned to leave. You paused and tensed up, surprised by the sudden question. He didn’t move as he waited for answer; part of you was tempted to pretend that you hadn’t heard him, but you knew better than to defy the prince.

“I’m just a servant, your highness,” you gave him a saccharine smile as you watched his expression falter slightly. It wasn’t the answer he was expecting, “I am from wherever I am situated. My job isn’t to have a personality, it’s to serve others.”

“That’s not what I asked,” he grabbed a particularly plump looking strawberry, took a bite before standing up and striding over to you. His caramel gaze was focused on yours as he gently grabbed your jaw with one hand raised the berry to your lips. It was a question of sorts, to see if you trusted him. Without hesitation, you parted your lips slightly, letting him pop the berry into your mouth. You let the juices coat your mouth before swallowing, your eyes never leaving his. Oberyn traced his thumb delicately along your bottom lip, wiping away the small bit of lingering juice, “where are you from, my sweet girl?”

“Your highness-”

“It’s a simple question,” he let go of your jaw, his face moving into a softer expression as his eyes slowly raked over you. If it had been almost any other man, you would have been disgusted, but there was some gentle about when it was Oberyn. 

“Honeyholt,” the name of your birthplace fell off your lips almost like a whisper, and your eyes darted around to make sure no one had heard. When you worked for the Lannisters, personal matters as such were best left unsaid; they paid you, albeit barely, for your service, not to moan about your previous life. 

“That’s rather far from here,” he mused and you shrugged lightly. You were a a child, a mere young thing the last time you had visited your place of origin. You didn’t remember enough of it to truly miss. King’s Landing had been your home since, “what brings you here, to the harsh life of the court?”

“I didn’t have a choice,” you bit your lip, unsure of how far he wanted you to go into detail, “I...was brought here by parents. They needed the money, and I was their only source of commodity. For them it was an easy decision. I haven’t seen them since.”

“I could tell you were not from this forsaken place,” you wondered what he meant, how easily he could tell you were different. You’d spent most of your life trying to blend and not stick out, you’d thought you’d been doing a fairly decent job. Most people didn’t spare you a passing glance, unless they desired something from you.

“And just how is that, if you don’t my asking?”

“You’re much too beautiful to be from here,” he answered and your entire body suddenly felt like it was on fire. You turned your head, gaze intently trained on the cracked ground of the aging palace as you avoided his inquisitive looks. He reached over and with a few gentle fingers tilted your chin up to face him, “do not shy away from your beauty.”

“I do not,” your voice was but a whisper, “people do not usually show me such...reverence.”

“You have kind eyes,” he carried on, “the sweetest smile, hair fair more beautiful than the Lannister gold they love so much here. Your accent gives you away, it is very slight, but anyone with a keen ear will be able to pick up on it. These barbarians here no doubt have come to ignore it.”

“You...” no one had pointed out that fact that you have a slight lilt to your voice in years. You’d lost the majority of any accent as a child, having come to court as such a young one, and being surrounded by nothing but the gruff voices of the crownlands.

“And if you don’t mind my saying so,” he took a step closer and ran a gentle hand down your body, fingers grazing down your side and sending a shiver down your spine, “a figure that any man or woman would be blessed by the gods to know. Beautiful breasts, a round bottom, lovely thighs, I can only imagine how exquisite everything I’m not seeing is.”

His large hand gave your ass a firm squeeze, and a small sound escaped your lips; a mixture of surprise and pleasure. He was forward, there was no doubt about that, but nothing about it felt...wrong, or unwelcome. You could tell he was making sure every touch and word off of his lips that he was making sure you were okay with it. And you were. Everywhere he went, women, and men, fawned over him, dying for even a bit of affection and attention from the prince. Here you were, having down nothing and you were the object of his desire. 

“You flatter me far more than I deserve, your highness,” your cheeks were on fire as he smiled at you, trying to reassure you that his affection was well deserved.

“Please,” he insisted, bringing a hand back up to your face, “enough with the formalities. Oberyn.”

“Oberyn,” you repeated, enjoying how it felt on your tongue, so sweet and foreign, much more interesting than anyone you encountered through your daily duties.

“What was your name?”

“It doesn’t matter,” you insisted, but he was not fooled by your attempts at deflection. Instead, he leaned against the carved marble pillar, arms crossing his chest as he analyzed you, “you know my name.”

“My dear, sweet little one,” you sighed lightly at the sound of his voice, so rich and warm, hitting each last nerve within you, “everyone has a name. It means something, even if that of a bastard.”

“What if I don’t want to have a name? What if I want to be no one?” you shrugged as you leaned against the column facing him, “what if I want to hide in the shadows?”

“Y/N,” your name had never sounded more lovely or magical than when it came off of his lips. It sounded pretty, beautiful almost, “it matters. You should be proud of who you are...unless you are some sort of monster, which I already know you are not.”

“You already know my name.”

“And you know exactly what I’m referring to you. I am a prince, sweet one, not a fool.”

“Flowers,” you gave him a soft smile, “just like all bastards of the Reach.”

“But you’re not a bastard,” he pointed out as you nodded, “so why do you claim the name?”

“So I can be no one.”

“You, my sweet girl,” he was by your side again in no time, leaning only mere inches between the two of you. He smelled warm and sweet, likes spices and exotic fruit. Enchanting. Lovely, “are destined to be so much more than no one.”

“I assure you, it doesn’t matter,” you said after a few beats of silence, “my family was once one of the many great houses, just like so many others. But they fell and were broken apart over the years. The remainder of them are common merchants now. It’s easier to claim the name of a bastard than to receive pity for your family’s misfortunes from the likes of Lannisters and Starks and whomever else.”

“I am sure you far outshine them in every way,” he pushed a few locks of your hair out of your face, “your kindness is fair greater.”

“I...I know why you’re here, your hi- Oberyn,” you were scared that you had overstepped your boundaries, but weren’t able to hold back your tongue. He was so forward and open with you, surely he wouldn’t mind if you did the same. 

“And why is that?” his curiosity was piqued as he tried to read your expression.

“Your sister,” you answered softly and he shifted on his feet, shoulders tensing slightly, “I used to work for her...when I was just a child...before. She was the kindest woman I had ever met, gentle and sweet to everyone she ever encountered. Beautiful to no ends and her smile could light up the entire kingdom. Her babes were just as sweet, they would grown up to be the kindest people.”

“You knew Elia?” he was quieter now, and had a soft pang to his voice. He still missed and longed for his sister. Even though she had been gone for some time now, he still mourned for her and her children every day.

“She’s probably the reason I’m still alive,” you admitted, “she took me under her wing when I was brought here. I miss her too. I cannot imagine the sadness and burden it must have placed upon you and I would not dare to imagine. But I know how hard it was on someone like me, just a servant.”

“I think of her every day,” he admitted, “I know I cannot get her back, but it doesn’t dull the pain; Dorne has mourned her loss every day. Instead we must honor the memory of those we’ve lost, instead of letting grief consume us, no?”

“Yes,” you agreed, placing a small smile back on your face. You hadn’t meant to bring the mood down, but you wanted to let him know where you stood, that you were on his side, “I...I blame myself some days. When they attacked...I just ran and hide. I ran and ran and ran until it felt like I couldn’t breathe and then I hid and waited, waited till the smoke had cleared and it was safe to come out. I didn’t even try to help her or her babies. I just wonder if...I had stayed if I could have done something.”

“You were a child,” he could imagine the horrors you had seen, all the thoughts and emotions that had stayed with you throughout the years, “it was not your place to do anything. You protected yourself; it is our instinct to flee and hide, especially as children.”

“I was a coward.”

“You were a child,” he repeated firmly, “you were not a coward and it was not your duty to protect anyone. They should have protected you.”

You weren’t even aware of the fact that a few tears had rolled down your cheeks, but Oberyn was quick to wipe them away. He brushed a thumb over your cheeks, in such a soft and intimate gesture, offering you a small, reassuring smile in return. You put your hand on his wrist and gave it a firm squeeze, “thank you.”

“Y/N,” you almost jumped out of skin at the sound of Cersei’s grating voice. Swiftly wiping the rest of your tears away with the back of your hand, you took a step back from the prince, who seemed completely nonplussed, “surely you’ve got other duties to attend to. I’m sure the prince’s wine and berry need has been satiated for now. We know where to find you if we want more. Go on and apologize to his highness for your folly and distraction.”

Your eyes widened in surprise as you let out a shaky breath and gave her a nod. She had her trademark smirk on her face and you wished you could slap it off of her pinched features. She really was cruel down to her core, and you often wondered when the last bits of humanity had left her. You wondered how much she had seen or heard. Hopefully not enough to warrant any sort of punishment. 

Instead, you gave her a nod and small bow before turning back to Oberyn, “I apologize for my indiscretions, your highness. Please let me know if I can be of service at any time.”

“What did I tell you, my sweet girl, call me Oberyn,” he was not bothered by Cersei in the slightest and her jaw dropped in surprise. You couldn’t hide the small smile that crept onto your face, “and do not apologize for a conversation I have initiated. Surely even the lovely Cersei can understand that people enjoy conversation.”

“I...yes,” you returned his warm smile, unable to contain yourself and enjoying the little thrill that defying Cersei had placed in your bones. He reached for your hand and placed a kiss, chaste kiss to the back of it. You knew Cersei must have been dying on the inside at the exchange, frankly, so were you, “thank you, Oberyn.”

“I’ll see you soon,” he promised, making it a point to look directly at Cersei, who was fuming silently. If she had been a kettle, steam would have been exploding out of her ears, “I’ll find you.”

Just before you could turn to return to the kitchen and go about the rest of your daily duties, Oberyn trailed his fingers over your face, letting his gaze linger on your lips, “until later, dear Y/N.”

You turned to go back inside without another word, a bounce in your step at what had just happened. But just before you got inside, you heard him call after you, “I’m glad you enjoyed my berries, sweet girl!”

»»————-　♡　————-««

Permanent Taglist: @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety @yourealegendroger  @thesecondlastjedi  @bitemerog  @rogernroll  @secretsweetscollectionblog  @sheridans-dynamos  @dinkiplier @starrystarrybabe  @onexlittlespark  @benhardyseyes  @marvelstuck  @whenthe-smokeisinyoureyes  @wonderwich  @a-kind-of-magik  @lv7867  @itissnowingandimstuckinside  @dessert-hardy  @rogertaylors-lipgloss  @rogerfxckingtaylor  @queenbbarnes  @drowseoftaylor  @persephonesnebula  @mamaskillerqueen  @theimpossiblehologramtree  @loveandbeloved29 @meddows-rose @onceitbubbles @wonderwoman292 @moondustmemories @spacedustmazzello  @queenlover05  @ah-callie  @blushingwueen  @thisis-theway @el-lizzie  

Oberyn Taglist: @rosetophighlander​  @someplace-darker​  @hystericalmedicine​  @fioccodineveautunnale​  @huliabitch​

[stripper-patrick]

Blue Pill💊 Thor

Warnings: smut, language, unprotected, accidental drug use, flexibility

Sorry about the unplanned hiatus hope y’all still like me😁

Relationship: Thor x black plus sized reader

“Y/N I have a headache what can I take for it?” Thor comes to me holding his head

“Oh Tony has Advil in the closet that should help” I say

“Ok” he goes to the cabinet and grabs the Advil bottle shaking out a pill “just one”

I reply with a nod looking down at my computer as I work on my essay. He shakes out one and pops then in his mouth killing off the rest of my mostly full water bottle

He smiles laughing and I shake my head. Me and Thor have an interesting relationship. We’re best friends but from time to time we have exchanged sexual innuendos. I mainly because I know how to get him under my “spell”.

Thor takes the pill gulping down a glass of water. I’m typing away and Thor presses behind me resting his chin on my head. I can feel his bulge on my back and I smile.

“What’re you doing?”

“An essay for my Psych 101 class”

“What’s it about?”

“I interviewed one person which I chose Steve who’s had an extraordinary past and I’m writing about his life and how his psychological state was affected and is affected” I say

“That was a lot”

“She works too hard for my personal taste she doesn’t need a degree if she’s guaranteed a job here with me” Tony walks in pouring himself a glass of orange juice.

“Tony I’m doing the offer but I’d still like to go to school” He shakes his head and grabs the Advil bottle. He opens it and stares at it then at us.

“What” Thor says

“There were 4 in here why are there only three” he asks

“I had a headache”

“The aleve is for headaches this is viagra” my head shoots up and I look at Thor.

“Wait what?” I scream

“What’s viagra” Thor asks. Fuck.

“It’s a pill for sexual enhancement meaning you will have the most painful hard-on you’ve ever had”

“I’m sorry I still don’t understand” he says

“You’re going to wanna fuck every living thing that graces this earth until the pill wears off”

“Does that mean you’re included?” He smirks looking at me.

“Thor this isn’t a joke” Tony says

“Well can we try to pump him with something”

“No”

“He could Jack off”

“That will frustrate him trust me it’s not like the real thing”

“Shit”

...

It’s been an hour and Thor hasn’t shown much signs of the pill maybe because he’s Asguardian that he’s immune to it.

“Thor how do you feel?”

He looks at me up and down and Friday speaks “Thor’s stress levels are rising”

“Damn you Friday” he says. I shake my head “let me know if you need anything” I say

He grunts and I continue typing my essay. I can feel his eyes burning into me but I ignore it.

“Try staring harder and you’ll get more sexual gratification from her” Tony says

“Shut up” he growls. Honestly how mad and sexually frustrated Thor is is turning me on. Thor stands up running his fingers through his hair releasing his ponytail “this shit hurts make it stop”

“Thor the only way to make it stop is by having sex” Tony says “oh god”

“What” I say

“Thor is the god of fertility” Tony says “he’s going to get whoever he fucks either pregnant or worse break them”

“Y/N do you mind meeting me in Tony’s bedroom”

“Oh hell no” Tony says “Friday lock my bedroom door”

“Ok” she responds

“I- I’m doing an essay” I say

“Ok I’ll call Jane” he says

“No!” They both look at me “let’s go”

Thor smiles placing his phone back in his pocket. I close my laptop and we go upstairs stopping right in front of his door.

“Are you on the pill?” I nod “are you sure you wanna do this because once we go through that door there’s no turning back”

“Yes”

“Come up with a safe word” he says

“Uhhhh blue” I shrug

“Ok” he presses his large hand around my throat coming in to seal a kiss between us. I open the door and walks me backwards until we fall on the bed. His hand immediately start to tear my clothes and I can feel his bulge pressing against my thigh, throbbing.

He growls and rips off his own clothes once he’s destroyed mine. Thor licks a stripe up my neck coming back to my lips.

His large hand finds its way between my legs rubbing my entrance and flicking he finger upwards. My jaw drops and I moan into the kiss. Thor’s large fingers swirl in my wetness and my legs close around his hand.

“Open your legs Y/N” he grunts. My legs fall open as he slips a fingers inside of me. I grip the sheet and he takes it out just as quickly as he slid it in. Thor’s finger comes to his mouth and he moans tasting me.

“I need you inside of me” I’ve had enough teasing for a day. Thor pulls down his pants wasting no time to align himself with me. He pushes himself inside stretching me out. I dig my nails in his muscular back.

Once Thor is all the way in me his blue eyes look at me. Thor kisses me but this kiss wasn’t just out of lust I can tell he’s trying to relay a message to me.

His hips start to rock in me and I moan arching my back. I look at him, his eyes are closed as he feels the euphoria of finally getting the friction he’s longed for. His hair drops in his face and I move it back pulling it lightly.

He grunts and I whisper in his ear “I love the way you fuck me Thor only you can fuck me like this” I grip the sheets moaning and he attaches his lips to my neck.

Thor picks up his pace hitting my cervix indefinitely. “Thor fuck I can’t”

“You feel so good”

His hand presses against my lower back. He pulls out and before I can protest his face is dug into my pussy devouring me.

“Oh god” I moan. His tongue works wonders on my clit. Our fingers intertwine and my breath picks up.

I let go pulling his hair pulling him closer to me. My chest rises and falls and my eyes close are he brings me closer and closer to the edge.

“Yes right there” I chant. My body trembles and Thor sucks on my clit like a lollipop and I let out a cry coming in his mouth.

He slides back into me rocking his hips roughly and pushing my feet up to my ears. My eyes roll to the back of my head and he moans loudly. The natural light of the room dims and my eyes roll to the back of my head feeling the extra sensitivity from my recent orgasm. Thor roars creating a clap of thunder outside. In broad daylight.

“What the fuck” Sam screams. We hear heavy footsteps approaching the door close but Thor continues pounding into me.

The door bursts open and everyone’s jaw drops as they stare at the scene before them. Thor looks at me his dick still buried inside of me with a cheeky smile.

“I didn’t know she was that flexible” Sam says

“Me either” Thor replies with a booming laugh. I will never hear the end of this

[normal-thoughts-official]

Do you have any hcs for Magnus taking ppl to pride for the first time? I kinda feel like he’d act as a guide for others, making sure everyone feels safe and happy during their first time. Like, I can picture him bringing daylighter Raphael out for the first time, showing Meliorn around (bc even though they’ve been around for a while, the Seelies don’t really do human stuff) and holding Alec’s hand while he looks around in amazement.

well surprise surprise this got very long. bet y’all never saw that coming

ok so i particularly love this ask because like, the idea of meliorn going to pride for the first time is a riot and i adore it

like seelie society has developed completely independently from mundane society in every way, hell, it existed before humans did. so there's absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe that their culture even has the concepts of gender of sexuality, and believing that it would be the same as modern western ones is just straight up anachronistic tbh

so like personally i hc that seelie society has no gender (and therefore no concept of sexuality in the way that we see it), so the idea of pride- doesn't even make sense to them, cuz there's no concept of these identities, much less a history of oppression that would bring forward the need to celebrate their resistance like there currently is

so meliorn would want to go just to like, see what that's like and what's it all about. and the whole time they're just following Magnus around and like, taking notes. hm, interesting, what is this trans thing again? ah yes, people who dont think their personality matches the one mundanes believe would be brought by their genitals. hm. fascinating. and Magnus is just like, laughing loudly and it's the best pride he's ever been to, because he knows how ridiculous queerphobia and cishetnormativity are, but meliorn can make that so clear in their words in a way thats just, like, fantastic to hear, you know? and they dont even mean to, but it's great all the same

plus meliorn actually does feel good because a lot of people look at them and smile broadly or even wave, especially younger people who are just like, in awe of them and Magnus, who are so unapologetically gnc and indisputably beautiful, and looking at them is just like, inspiring, you know? and Meliorn has never felt this admired and appreciated and they dont even fully understand why, they're just walking around in their usual clothing and leaf makeup and everyone is just like, in love with them. and it's nice. they can tell there's an edge of sadness to the whole thing, like how their normal everyday existence seems to be so shocking and refreshing for these people, but mostly they feel good about it

later they bring their findings to the other seelies - you know, the ones who dont usually leave the realm and are way less familiar with mundane culture(s) than they are - and the others are like. shut up. there's no way this is real. the shape of their genital defines what wavelength they are supposed to find appealing? this makes no sense. and meliorn's like "idk what to tell u buddy i literally physically can't lie" and they're like surely this is an elaborate prank

but anyway it's fun and nice and they enjoy it greatly and ask Magnus a lot of questions, and Magnus loves going with them more than anyone else because its just so fun and the way this is completely unnatural to them feels refreshing - Magnus doesnt have to explain why he feels the way he feels, for once, but rather he has to explain why people dont get that, and thats a good change tbh

okay onto other ppl im sorry for this tangent djdndjdndk RAPHAEL YES. god i just. okay i love the mental image of Magnus taking Raphael to pride aaaaaaaa

like okay first of all so many layeRS to make this emotional, okay. the fact that he's now a daylighter and can enjoy being out in the sun, the fact that this is a bright costumed parade and it kinda reminds him of the día de los muertos parade and makes him feel at home, the fact that he gets to celebrate and meet other ace ppl - just, so many good things going on here dundidmdi

and Raphael was kinda unsure about going because 1- pride can get pretty sexual at times, and while he gets it and doesn't mind other people's business, he doesn't want to be hit on or participate in that; 2- big crowd makes senses go craycray and it can get very overwhelming and he's scared of overload, plus it's just not his scene in general with huge parties and such. but a part of him does want to go and he's torn, so of course Magnus is immediately like "oh dear, don't worry, i can take you, i'll make sure it's good" and Raphael is like okay

so Magnus takes him and it's :') nice, because as always he’s just so attentive. disclosure i’ve only ever been to the São Paulo pride so i’m gonna go with how it works in here but im assuming it’s not that different in like, other places. also São Paulo currently has the biggest pride parade in the world along with NYC so you know, i think it’s influential at the very least

anyway so he finds a section that’s led by ace pride groups, one that’s considerably small (in number of ppl) and spacious, and it’s. nice. very nice. magnus makes it a point to paint the ace pride colors on raphael’s face (we deserve raphael in makeup tbh) and raphael is all like “it’s fine, it’s not like i’ll want to draw a lot of attention” (like he isn’t wearing the ace flag colors already) and magnus is like hush, let me have this, i want my boy to have a good pride experience. so raphael lets him and hides his smile and lets him, and it’s. cute okay

also idk why but i have the mental image of raphael seeing some other latino guy with some sign like. “i’m not your fetish” or something of the sort, and kind of tearing up because his whole life he’s been seen as this kind of sexual fantasy that couldn’t not be about sex, much less not be interested in it, and he feels seen. and it’s nice, okay

and as promised it’s not too overwhelming in matters of like people, tactile issues and such (there’s little magnus can do about the noise other than spell raphael to decrease his sensitivity so he doesn’t get overwhelmed, which is not ideal because it makes communication a bit harder between them, but he does it anyway if raphael asks him to), and if raphael gets tired, they can always turn into a corner and take a portal back home and cuddle the post-crowd jitteriness away. so it’s a success. and raphael hugs magnus later and thanks him and says that it was so great, that he’s missed this, the energy and the colors and the sun, and he never thought he’d get to have it again, and he did thanks to magnus. and magnus hugs him back and tells him “anything for you, my boy,” and it’s the sweetest thing okay im emo

also okay this still falls under Raphael and Meliorn but the POLYCULE okay, or at least saiaphaeliorn. like sign me the fuck up for the 4 of them together at pride, meliorn and magnus helping make some cute pride-themed makeup on the other 3, just aaaaaaaaa. maia looking absolutely gorgeous with her face framed in the bright bi colors, maybe a sunny dress with the trans flag colors? just because i think she’d look so cute in like, a mostly white dress with baby pink and blue details, okay. simon just paints the pan flag on his cheek but it’s still vibrant and cute and it suits him. and ghhghghghg meliorn delicately painting raphael’s face with colorful glitter..... effervescent, okay. just beautiful

and they get to hold hands in public and laugh and crack jokes and simon loves the music and the festival and raphael smiles fondly at him and maia singing along (him and meliorn definitely don’t know what the fuck they’re singing, but it’s okay because they’re clearly happy and that makes the two of them happy too) and just duahsdiahdaiuha soft okay. also they all get to experience meliorn’s takes on the whole thing and it’s fantastic and as usual meliorn gets raphael to laugh until he almost cries, and simon smiles brightly at the sight and gives meliorn a peck for their efforts, and just aaaaaaaa

in short they’re SOFT and i’m SOFT. and look yes i know that usually parades esp big ones are super crowded (lord knows the SP pride parade is an experience) but if in SP with 5 million ppl parading i could find sections with less people where you had enough space to walk holding hands and hear each other and not be overwhelmed, then i’m sure they can too, especially with magic and powers at their disposal. so i’m going to have this

also like. as much fun as this is for magnus (and it definitely is, it’s very nice to get to enjoy to be himself openly, and to bring kids there for their first time, and you know), it’s also bittersweet because like. he was there at stonewall, he was there for the first pride, you know? and apart from the obvious part where he lost so many friends who were there, there’s just. the very bad memories of the riots, because as important as they are and as much as he obviously doesn’t regret them, riots are hard, they are the language of the oppressed. he’s had to magically protect people from being shot by the police, he’s had to withstand trial by the Clave for using magic to shield the people from the tear gas and risking being seen, he’s had to save a lot of lives and he’s failed at it sometimes, too (i’ll always hc that he’s the reason neither Marsha nor Sylvia died during the riots and you can pry that away from my cold, dead hands). and he’s also seen it be whitewashed and lose some of its resistance and meaning, he’s seen Sylvia be booed at a later march when she spoke against imprisonment, and he’s seen so much be lost

and in that sense going to pride with alec later on might be his favorite, because it’s not like, a first time where he’s trying to get everyone to have the most fun they can and shit, you know? plus alec loves watching more than he does participating, he feels way too exposed in the crowded streets with so many openings and whatnot. but watching from a rooftop, where he has the best view, can still hear the sounds and enjoy the colors and the beauty of it from a distance? that’s perfect for him, and it’s a different experience

and magnus sits by his side as they watch, hand in hand, and reminisces about everything that he’s experienced after so many years, all the changes he’s seen, how he feels pride but he also feels loss and he feels old, and he fears what happens if pride’s history is forgotten, you know? and alec listens to him, listens to his version of this story, playing with magnus’ fingers and just enjoying the sound of his voice and the sight. and it’s nice. alec is always super attentive and enjoys hearing him talk and magnus can get lost in his memories unapologetically, you know? and it’s good

but that’s later on, of course, when they’ve already attended plenty together. for alec’s first pride he probably wants it to be like, perfect, so much so that alec has to tell him to slow down again, because of course magnus wants alec to have The Full Pride Experience, but alec would rather soak it up slowly than participate in a lot of stuff, anyway. magnus paints the rainbow flag on his cheek (one of the only occasions alec lets magnus put glitter on him, then promptly complains for the next three months because i swear that stuff is still on my skin, magnus, the other day i found some on my shoes! and magnus laughs at his antics as always and alec is forced to laugh too and can’t even be mad) and they kind of stay more by the end, and alec is kind of smiling in disbelief to himself the whole time as he watches all the colors and the unapologetic way people express their pride, and magnus can’t stop looking at him and grinning, too. and they walk hand in hand and it’s cute

(later, magnus says, see, mundane culture isn’t so bad, is it? and alec looks at him with a way more serious look, full of joy and happiness, and says, no, it isn’t. and kisses him and thanks him for everything, and it’s sweet)

also I'm soft thinking about Magnus reminiscing about planning the first pride along with "his dear friend Brenda" to Alec and/or Raphael, them putting their arms around his shoulder as he tells them the softer stories, too, the good things they did

small bonus: Magnus plays 2 truths and a lie with Simon regarding his memories of past prides, and Simon gets it wrong every time and is all wide eyed by the end, which makes both Magnus and Raphael laugh :)

[save-the-spiral]

Fingerprint of Midas, Trace My Reflection

Dialogue of parent’s crystal and Gortez’ monologue are direct from Pirate101. I based the end fight off of my own experiences solo-ing this dungeon. Warnings for graphic depictions of violence and blood.

(read it on Ao3!)

Darling Alexander Dove was a young captain of just seventeen when he earned what little was left of the legendary Captain Gunn’s treasure. The meager pile atop a volcano was followed by a very contrite Ratbeard. As first adventures go, it was pretty damn good, especially with the freedom he now had to explore the Skull Island Skyways.

Avery gave him another task as a reward- to present a treaty to the Monquistan governor of Puerto Mico, an almost adorably small city of white limestone, full of stuck up little idiots. Alexander was only held back from punting them off their little dollhouse town by Bonnie Anne, his right hand, and a pretty good straight man for his ideas, considering she was a lesbian.

Now, leaving the ancient ruins, and entering the ex-monquistan governor Gortez’ realm, Alexander was excited yet again. His crew followed him as he walked across the village of wild monquistans and rebellious water moles. The thrill of battle was humming in his veins, ready to be set loose, perfect plans coming together and adapting. The exciting conclusion for another adventure.

How would this end? An exciting chase for treasure, for the golden monkey? More volcano battles, more crew mates gained, even if it is to the chagrin of the ever serious and practical Sarah Steele, his fellow Swashbuckler?

Alexander was challenged to fight the greatest warrior of the Valley by the wild monquistan leader, one on one. His crew looked at him funny. Lucky Jack Russel, a friend of his parents’, even offered to take his place, as if he stood a better chance just by raw muscle.

While many other captains would be insulted, Alexander knew what he presented himself as. He was young, barely growing a beard, and rather childish at times. He liked having fun, he liked sparkly, pretty clothes, especially in pink and black, his flag’s colors. He liked to drink his fair share of yum, liked to do daring things, and anyone who looked at him easily assumed he was a vain, vapid idiot. And, to be fair, they weren’t completely wrong. 

But Alexander was a swashbuckler, learning from the best of Skull Island. He was the favorite of Avery, and had some of the finest up and coming pirates in his crew. He had a silver tongue, according to Bonnie Anne, even if he always preferred gold aesthetically.

Ordaz was large, sure. The huge warrior held intimidation in spades, throwing around barrels of dynamite as soon as Alexander hid himself from sight. The blinding squeeze of feathers and scales for one moment, and then even in broad daylight no one could spot him. It was easy to wait, watching as Ordaz worked himself up into an exhausting rage.

Then came Alexander's first and final strike, blades held aloft as he kicked off of a barrier of sandbags, knocking the large man down, and keeping him there. The gleaming black void of the warriors eyes, and the pulse he could feel rioting against his blades, reverberating up into his fingers, was invigorating. When the wild monquistan stared at him, startled at the sight of the first human to pass the trial, Alexander just smirked, twirling his shorter blade of the pair, and shrugged.

“Big guy must’ve been tired, it is quite hot out, y’know.” Alexander drawled in his Skull Island accent, plain in comparison to the soft musical rolls of the Monquistans’ speech.

His crew stayed in the small town as he went and got spider eggs, trying to prove himself a provider akin to Gortez in order to please the small taskmaster. This, too, was simple. After all, his cloaking abilities were not limited to battle, and the spiders crawling the area were not exactly attentative to their broods.

He returned easily, nose scrunched as he complained about the spider webs on his boots and stuck in his hair, causing Bonnie Anne to scoff and roll her eyes. He tossed a few extra eggs to Fan Flanders, who grinned a cute froggy smile in thanks for the snack, and gave the rest to the monquistan, eyebrows raised as the little ex-conquistador tried not to act flustered.

“Go into the Cave of Many Voices, and touch the glowing stones. Return to me when you have heard the spirit voices.” He ordered as a final task before finally meeting Gortez.

“Does it matter if my crew joins me this time?” Alexander was getting bored of being alone. 

“It shouldn’t” The monkey frowned.

With another cavalier shrug, Alexander led his crew up to a cave entrance. Bonnie Anne and Sarah Steele flanked him, Ratbeard and Subodai behind them, Jack Russel and Fan Flanders trailing. Old Scratch was left on the ship, keeping The Bronze Hunter from being ransacked by cowards who would rather steal than fight for their prize.

The cave was far more spacious than Alexander would have guessed. Smooth, well trodden stone was under their feet, large glowing magenta crystals jutting out of every wall, down from the ceiling as well. A large bouquet of crystals stood out in the middle of the chamber, small offerings of feathers and bananas at the crystals’ base. 

“Not exactly my color, but I’ll take it.” Alexander muttered, causing Bonnie Anne to huff and roll her eyes, Sarah and Fan snickering. “Stay back y’all, some amazing spirit listenin’ is about to go on, don’t want anyone caught in the crossfire.”

Bonnie Anne snorted this time. “Yes Captain.” She said, nudging him with an elbow before stepping back, nodding at the rest of the crew to do the same.

Alexander walked up close to the largest crystal, wider than him, scraping the stone ceiling. He saw his own reflection, a slightly stubbly young man, obvious Mooshu features, pierced ears, long black hair. The golden buttons on his coat and boots shone in the light emanating from the crystals, the blades at his hips sending small beams of purple light onto the walls.

He casually took off his gloves, stuffing them on the inside of his jacket pocket. He examined his nails, painted black and slightly chipped, for a moment, before continuing on.

Alexander placed his palms flat against the large crystal, head bowed, and was startled to hear an echoing, familiar voice.

“Son… hear me!” Rang out in the small cavern, feminine, with a hint of a rural Mooshu accent.

When Alexander looked back up, his reflection showed a strange, flickering vision of his mother. Her soft, round cheeks, the crows feet around her eyes, the intricate braid cluttered with small charms from her husband, her crimson tricorne with a deep black feather, all the same as the day she left, seven years ago.

A masculine voice, thick with emotion and a strong Grizzleheim trader’s accent, joined the first voice.

“Find us! Find our grave! We are waiting for you!” 

The reflections showed a different person, taller, closer to Alexander’s height, with his nose, and long braided blonde hair, bright, mischievous eyes, now full of sorrow, tears streaking into the bushy beard that Alexander would complain about because of how it itches during hugs. Alexander leaned closer to the crystal, stunned.

“I’d know those voices anywhere.” Jack Russel mutters, not helping at all, just wanting to say something, anything.

“Shining city…” The voices of his parents warbled, echoing strangely again, “El Dorado! The Key to El Dorado! Find us! We are waiting… Go to the-”

The crystals dimmed, the reflections leaving without Alexander noticing- as if they hadn’t been there in the first place- and his hands fell to his sides, cold as ice. His soft features turned harsh, his usually smirking mouth twisting into a sneer, the tan skin of his face wrinkling in the same flash of a moment where his left hand moved, punching at the flat crystalline face of the gem.

“CAPTAIN!” Bonnie Anne dragged him back, her taller frame taking advantage as she yanked him off his now kicking feet, heavy heels digging into her stocking covered shins, before Jack Russel darted in front of Alexander, hands on the young captain’s shoulders. 

“Captain. Captain- we have a job to do. You can’t let this stop you, you can’t-”

Alexander continued swearing and snarling, hands curling into fists.

Bonnie Anne stepped back, leaving room as she dropped him on his ass.

“Now is not the time to act like a fucking child, Dove. Don’t start acting like those stupid monquistans and go rogue on us.” Bonnie Anne’s accent sunk into her tirade, and though Alexander had years of experience understanding Bonnie Anne, he really knew he was in deep shit when she called him Dove. 

Not Captain, not Alexander, but Dove, the little boy she met on the streets, the brat who couldn’t even hold a knife right.

Alexander stopped, hands scraped and bruised now, his knuckles purple with potential breaks. He carded his right hand through his hair, letting the tie come loose so he could fix it into some semblance of order as he calmed himself.

“Sorry Annie.” Alexander’s voice was hoarse now.

Bonnie Anne motioned the rest of the crew out of the cave, kneeling down and leaning on the sturdy Scaramanga musket Alexander fetched for her months ago, the black walnut, dark steel, and gold bands all gleaming with her meticulous weapon maintenance. Her pointed face of russet and white fur faced him, dark and clever eyes piercing him to the bone as always.

“It’s been years since you’ve lost it like that, Alexander.” Bonnie’s matter-of-fact tone cut him down even more.

“It’s also been years since I’ve heard my parents’ voices, Bonnie Anne.” 

“I know better than anyone else, but Alexander, you can’t just break down like that. Not while we’re in the middle of a mission, especially not if lives are on the line. Imagine if that happened mid-battle, if you couldn’t direct us? The thing that separates us from every other amateur crew is direction is you, and your brilliant mind.” She poked his temple, careful of her short claws, and then held his hands. “You lead us, Alexander. You aren’t just an orphan street rat, not anymore, and I'm not either. We will find your parents. We’ll figure out this whole El Dorado thing, but not today. Today we bring Gortez to Puerto Mico, whether he wants to go or not.”

Alexander nodded, and roughly dragged on his pink gloves. 

“There’s my captain.” Bonnie Anne grinned, small, sharp teeth on display, and Alexander hyped himself up internally, until he could smirk just like always.

“Onward, Right Hand Bonnie Anne.” He finally said, his Rs rough, enunciated like a proper pirate.

“Aye aye, Captain Alexander.” She stood, offering a hand, which he grabbed, letting her pull him back onto his feet. 

They shared a nod, a resolve, and continued on. No one else in the crew spoke as they walked back to the monquistan giving the trials. The pair of Monquistans at the gate simply looked at Alexander and opened the gate, not even having to speak a word. The gate, a simple construction of reeds and long grass, whistled faintly as it opened, an ominous, low tone. 

Fan, Jack Russel, and Subodai rested at the foot of the stairs, following Alexander’s earlier laid plans. A four person battle, just Alexander, Sarah, Bonnie Anne, and Ratbeard.

The gold of the temple’s head shone in the sunlight, clean and resplendent against dirtied, carved stone. Vines played at being tripwires, cracked steps and damp moss added to the hazards as they climbed ever upwards, stopping only once they reached the top, staring deep into the shadowed entrance, shielded now from the hot jungle sun. 

It was no wonder this island drove these men mad, Alexander thought.

The jungle breathed humidity into your lungs as if you had just been saved from drowning. The bugs chittered and watched for weakness like vultures. The flowers were sickly sweet with death, be it a poison of touch, fragrance, or taste. The indigenous to this land were rightfully angry, knowing the island better than any conquistador. The Isle of Doom was a frightful place, it stared at you from every shadow and when it struck it was with an inhuman intelligence.

Alexander led the way into Gortez’ home, hands at his hips, fingers twitching with the urge to clutch his blades like a child would a teddy bear.

The dim lighting was annoying, and made it harder to get a proper layout of the large chamber. Alexander squinted and adjusted his tricorne hat, his gaze caught by the large figure in the room. The Gorilla was draped in pieces of Monquistan finery and armor, as well as painted with abstract yellow lines in his dark fur.

“Gortez, I take it?” Alexander called out, only to be ignored. That sent a sharp blade of anger through his mind, but he still smiled. After all, those who ignored Darling Alexander Dove one day learn to regret it.

“You’re here. Are you an assassin? No. I’ll tell you what you are. You’re an organ grinder, sent by circus clowns, to make me do a dance. I refuse.” Gortez’ deep timbre rumbled around the spacious room, from his roost atop a pedestal, lounging on a pile of treasure. The gorilla shifted, before speaking again.

“Those simpering fools at home, those tamed lapdogs- they’ve no right to judge me. They have no idea what I’ve found here. They’d refuse to see it. Look around you. The creatures that built these temples shattered mountains to raise their perfect pyramids. They drew gold down from the stars. They lived like Titans, and now they’re gone. But the trees remain. The jungle beat them- it will destroy us all, unless we become one with it.”

Gortez leaned forward, as if he were a mere inch away and not meters of distance, as well as a throne. His golden attire gleamed in the light, his form basking in the sun from the skylight above him. Already Alexander’s mind whirled with possibilities as Gortez continued his dramatics.

“The trees spoke to me and showed me the way. When I saw this place, shining gold burning like fire, I knew who I was. I found the Gold Monkey.” Gortez smiled now, tusklike teeth spreading his face unnaturally wide, unsettling, by how Bonnie Anne and Sarah both grumbled behind Alexander. 

“The fools in Puerto Mico think the Gold Monkey is another priceless toy for them to steal. They are wrong- the Gold Monkey is me!” The wild man began to work himself up into a fervor, eyes shining with a feral intelligence, his smile ever widening. “They want to stop me- but they are too good to make the trip themselves. Cowards! I will send them an answer- your broken bones! Children!”

At his last, sharp bark of words, more small Monquistans came to attention, prepared for battle. 

Alexander led his small crew to the front left corner as he moved away from the entrance, mind racing as the battle began a. He used a skill his trainer taught him, crossing his blades, readying himself to take a shot if it was intended for his allies. Sarah, as he always planned, cloaked herself in the shadows. Ratbeard moved forward, putting himself between the small group of Monquistans and the crew. Bonnie Anne loaded a round into her musket, growling faintly.

As Gortez watched on, like an Aquilan emperor of old at a gladiator game, Ratbeard yelled, swarmed by Gortez’ ‘children’.

“You bleedin’ coward! Gonna stay up on your throne?!” His gruff voice echoed, as well as a grunt of pain as he took another shot from the small crossbow carrying monkeys.

“The mechanisms-” Bonnie Anne started.

“-Like the troggie temple.” Alexander nodded, then cloaked himself in shadows, directing Sarah to the back left mechanism, Ratbeard to the one right of the door, and Bonnie Anne to the one in their starting corner, as he cloaked himself to sneak around the tall pedestal, to take the farthest carved totem.

Bonnie Anne backed up from the fray, taking a potshot at one of the small spearmen before using the butt of her Scaramanga to jolt the mechanism, making it spin and clunk. 

Sarah Steele raced under the cover of her shadows, hugging the wall, and when she reached the mechanism she sheathed her swords for a moment, turning her back and pushing with her shoulder until she too heard a satisfying clunk.

Alexander took longer getting to his place, constantly turning to look at the others, to ensure their safety. However, he too got to his mechanism, and he kicked it viciously, only to turn around at yet another cry of pain from Ratbeard.

Ratbeard pushed through the small crowd of Monquistans, kicking and cursing them and slashing with his large sword, pulling no punches for the annoying buggers. His rough slash sent his own mechanism clunking into place, but as he turned to fight again, the gang of monkeys began to overwhelm him.

Alexander gestured Ratbeard towards him, frantically preparing a small healing spell, from his privateer-made amulet, stolen from the Maria Celestia, a ghost infested ship, months ago. 

The mechanisms finally clicked and aligned, all of them revealing carved statues carrying reflective plates. The reflection sent beams of harsh sunlight towards Gortez, burning him with the intensity, causing him to finally move with the pain of it all.

Gortez himself jumped from his mighty throne, down to fight alongside his children. His large one-handed battleaxe sliced deadly arcs through the air, with all the grace of a prima ballerina. He was still trained from childhood to become a conqueror and murderer, and will never forget those lessons, paid in blood thousandfold. His massive, muscled body rippled with his rage as he pounded his chest, directing his rage towards those closest to him, the now gathered Sarah Steele and Bonnie Anne standing strong next to each other.

“I trained my warriors to set villages on fire, but the Bishops won’t let them throw bananas because it is unseemly!” Gortez roared, living to his reputation of a warrior poet once again.

As Gortez made yet another journey where the path would only be eased with the viscera of his enemies, Alexander tried to get within range of Ratbeard, to heal him. But he was far too late, and Ratbeard passed out at his feet, unconscious from multiple wounds, which turned the remaining children of Gortez’ anger to Alexander.

With a helpless shrug, Alexander hopped over a majority of the Monquistans, to their impotent rage. As he neared Gortez and his remaining crew members, he watched the gorilla fight back, and was astounded.

Gortez was a large man, but moved easily, slamming the flat side of his axe into Bonnie Anne’s chest, pushing her back, before turning to Sarah Steele, and slashing at her until she fell down, unconscious.</p>

<p>With a growl, Bonnie Anne shot Gortez point blank, the sparks of her musket blinding him, allowing Alexander to sneak behind him. As Gortez turned towards the new sound he swung, hitting Alexander and causing many of his golden buttons to go flying to the stone floor as the axe cleaved from side to side. In return, Alexander stabbed him in the belly, flipping off of the mountain of a man before stabbing him with both blades yet again, blood flying and painting his pink coat red as he raked downwards, fur and skin flying until he hit the floor again, and kicked off of the gorilla, leaving his monkey children to tend to him now that the battle was decidedly won.

Bonnie Anne supported Ratbeard on her shoulder, and Alexander helped Sarah Steele, with her much more lithe and lighter body. A musketeer used to carrying a mini cannon is much better suited to carrying Ratbeard, rather than Alexander’s much more acrobatic trained muscles.

Gortez stood near the entrance, woozy and leaning against it. “Do not take my children- just me. You only wish to bring me to justice, right?” 

Alexander nodded, still scowling.

One of the feather adorned Monquistans approached him, his crossbow unstrung and on his back now. 

“Let me join your crew, captain. I will prove helpful, and my loyalty is undying.”

“Let’s not hope so, we do have a witchdoctor in our numbers.” Bonnie Anne’s snout wrinkled with the thought of an undead monkey, and the smell accompanying that.

“You’re on the crew.” Alexander said curtly, Sarah Steele coming to, and slowly standing on her own at his side. “But, little man, if you ever betray my crew, I will make this jungle seem like a haven of mercy.”

The crazed Monquistan nodded, eyes reverent, still glazed with something, either a true malady of the mind, or a hallucinogenic substance, like Alexander privately hypothesized, to Bonnie Anne's never ending amusement.

“Welcome to the crew of the Darling Captain Alexander Dove, Monquistan.” Bonnie Anne said, smiling now. “You’re in for a wild ride.”

[izzy-b-hands]

Our House

Eugene is away on business for a few weeks, and they’ve both wanted bits and pieces of the house fixed up/changed. 

Snafu can do that all on his own, right? 

Important lessons about home improvement and how it is a fickle beast below the cut!

At the end, re: wine, I’m basing their reactions off of what wine does to me (makes me sleepy af and basically useless if I have more than a glass or two.) 

Also, I did get a weird headache mid-writing this so hopefully it sounds decent and I didn’t accidentally a word anywhere (I read over it for a quick edit, but y’all know I’m notorious for still missing mistakes until three days later.) If y’all do notice something off/an error on this, please let me know so I can fix it asap!

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

The three weeks marked on the calendar had seemed long, in the days prior to them. He’d spent those days moaning to Eugene about how difficult it would be, and how long the weeks would take to pass. 

They hadn’t felt long enough now though. 

The bedroom was done, at least, in a cheerful, soft, pastel yellow. A pastel sage green trim made the whole room feel like spring, at least to Snafu. Eugene would love it, that much he knew for sure. 

“He ain’t gonna love the rest of this though,” Snafu sighed, and took in the rest of the house as he walked through it. Eugene would be back in a day, and he had so much left to do: 

The kitchen was missing half the cabinet doors, which were outside near the shed, halfway to being refinished, varnished, and repainted a light rose pink with white accents. He had never realized just how many cabinets they had until now, and it seemed like too many.

The guest bathroom had yet to be retiled, though the tiles were sitting ready for him to put down. 

The guest bedroom was waiting to be repainted a greyish green, but he hadn’t had time to even crack the paint cans open. 

And finally, and perhaps worst, the living room was...

“A fuckin’ disaster,” Snafu muttered to himself as he walked into it, carefully. The repainting of it to a plum had gone just fine. However, a bit of paint had gotten onto the velvet chaise lounge they’d recently bought at a flea market. They were going to reupholster it anyway, why not do it now to get rid of the paint? 

Snafu shook his head at the memory of asking himself that question. From there, he’d been on a search for a nice velvet to replace the original that would also match the walls, and be to Eugene and his tastes. Easier said than done, and made all the harder at the realization that some of the wood flooring had, at some point, somehow been damaged (maybe when they’d moved in the lounge? He couldn’t be sure.) 

Which meant of course the wood flooring needed to be repaired, which was...a task, putting it mildly.

“How the hell am I gonna finish this?” Snafu asked Queen, who was preening on the leftover velvet for the lounge. 

She rolled over and turned away from him, still preening with one paw. 

“Exactly,” he sighed, then traipsed into the front hall, sitting onto the first step of the staircase to the upper level. “I just gotta make a plan, right? I mean, he might not even notice the guest room; I can paint that later. Bathroom might be an issue, but we don’t even use that bathroom that much, I can hide the tiles. And how often does anybody really look at a cabinet, like really look, ya know?” 

Queen looked over, sighed, and closed her eyes for a nap.

“Right? I don’t look at cabinet doors, that’s for sure,” Snafu continued. “So that just leaves the living room, and the living room-” 

The front door creaked open, and he just barely resisted the urge to bolt. 

“Hey! Is Eugene ba-what in the everloving...” Sidney froze in the doorway, staring at the living room mess. “So, he isn’t back yet then?” 

Snafu shook his head. “Nah, or I’d be dead.” 

“He won’t be that upset,” Sidney soothed. “I know you mentioned you were doin’ some work but...damn. Hey, nearly done though, really. Just the chair there, and the floor some, and-” 

“Most of the rest of the house,” Snafu interrupted. “I got a little ambitious.” 

“How ambitious?” Sidney asked gently, and joined Snafu on the step. 

By the time Snafu was done regaling him with everything that needed doing, Sidney had gone pale. 

“That’s maybe a little too ambitious indeed, Snaf. But, I admire it.” 

“And now you’re headin’ on home, right?” 

Sidney frowned. “Hell do you mean? I’m gonna help you get done whatever we can. We’ll call Mary, she can come by and help paint, and help you with that lounge. Between the three of us, we can get some of it done at least.” 

Snafu stared. They were friends more for Eugene’s sake, rather than to actually be friends (if anything, he got along better with Mary.) There was nothing wrong with Sidney, they just hadn’t clicked in any major way. But it was moments like this he was grateful they both put in the work to become better friends, because what was a good friend if not occasionally a home improvement knight in shining armor?

He hugged Sidney tight, until Sidney finally tried to wriggle out. “Thank you. I know he wouldn’t actually kill me-” 

“He doesn’t even like raising his voice to you,” Sidney interrupted. “Every time y’all argue, he calls me and says how bad he feels about any shouting. And I highly doubt it’s even really ‘shouting.’ But you might have earned it this time, though I would defend you.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. This was done with good intentions, to give him a nice surprise to come home too. Not your fault home improvement shit never goes right,” Sidney replied. “Come on, get up. We got a long night, and I still gotta call Mary.” 

Once Mary was over, it was shocking how fast it all seemed to go. It wasn’t that Sid and Mary rushed him or their own tasks, just that it seemed...easier. The house was warm and loud (as well as the backyard for the last few hours of daylight, while he and Sid finished up the cabinet doors, leaving them painted and drying near the back door) and with the dog and cats occasionally peeking in to check on them, it all felt lively and just good. Better than it had felt for the weeks of being empty except for himself and the pets. 

It was six in the morning when they gave up, and, and Sidney put it “had to accept it for what it was.” 

Which wasn’t terrible, all things considered. 

The last bit of the living room flooring had been fixed up, and the lounge reupholstered thanks to Mary’s endless hard work on it. 

The guest bedroom might need another coat, but it was at least mostly done, and the animals had been kept out of it so the door could be shut, keeping the paint fumes mostly confined to the hall near it. 

The guest bathroom still had some tiles to finish putting down, but it was about halfway done, and that was a hell of a lot further than Snafu had figured they’d get. 

The cabinet doors still needed to finish drying and be actually put back onto the kitchen cabinets, but they looked damn pretty. 

They cleaned up, and settled in to wait for Eugene.

And waited. 

And waited. 

And waited. 

“He would have called by now,” Snafu muttered, after four hours had passed from when Eugene was supposed to be home. “I should go down to the station, see why he isn’t in yet. Maybe he meant for me to pick him up and forgot to say...” 

Sidney shook his head. “That ain’t Eugene. He has a checklist for his checklists; he would have told you. At least four times.” 

Mary nodded. “Do you have a number you can call him at? Maybe his train got delayed and he’s still at his hotel in, where was it again he was going?” 

“Atlanta,” Snafu replied, and walked to the phone with them and three of the cats on his heels. 

He wasn’t at the hotel, nor at the train station in Atlanta. Nor was he at the train station in Mobile, waiting to be picked up. 

“Merriell, don’t panic,” Sidney said softly as they walked back to the couch, and Sid using his proper name was enough to send him spiraling. 

“What if he’s hurt, what if something happened? I should have just gone with him, y’all could have looked after the pets, and I could have found somethin’ to do in Atlanta while he was busy. This is my fault.” 

“How on earth is this your fault?” Mary asked. “I’m sure he’s just fine, probably just...held up, somehow. Who knows, maybe he just can’t catch a cab to the station.”

“For four hours?” Sidney scoffed, then winced as Mary slapped his arm. “I mean yeah. You never know. Could be a cab driver shortage...” 

He expected them to leave, but they stayed even as the day wore on into the evening. Mary eventually got up to check on the paint in the guest room, and when she didn’t return, Snafu figured it was dry enough for the final coat. Sid followed shortly after in getting up, and the sound of the back door opening and closing let him know that the cabinet doors were apparently ready to be put back in place. 

Meanwhile, he waited and watched the phone. 

“Snaf, I’m sure he’s fine,” Sidney said as they finally slipped on their shoes and retrieved their keys from the front hall table. “Somethin’ silly just held him up, and he’ll be rushing in here before you know it. Let yourself get some sleep, okay?” 

Mary nodded, and turned to the door, only to nearly be smacked in the face by it as it swung open.

“I am so sorry,” Eugene was a mess, hair clearly unbrushed, clothes wrinkled, and eyes wild. “Are you okay? Why are you two here? I mean, I don’t mean that like; you just don’t live here is what I mean-” 

“Gene,” Sidney said gently. “Shut the fuck up and breathe for a minute. What happened?” 

Eugene sighed, kicked off his shoes, and moved past them to drop on the newly upholstered chaise lounge. “Snaf, it’s for you. Got it sitting outside. It’s wrapped up, but take a look. Hopefully you like it, and then we can bring it inside. Thought we could hang it in here, on the-did you paint in here?” 

Snafu ignored Sidney’s face-palm and Mary’s shaking head as he headed outside. Just by the front door, was a too-big-for-one-person-to-carry framed canvas, bits of the golden colored frame sticking out from under the brown paper wrapping. And under the paper...

“Those are our babies!” Snafu crowed, and ran back inside, nearly knocked the lounge back as he dropped onto it to hug Eugene. “You had to have commissioned that ages ago, to get them pictures of the cats and God knows how you got a decent one of Ack-Ack, and when did you do that?” 

“Soon as they mentioned they might need me to travel,” Eugene replied. “Called around, found a local artist, sent the pictures along in the mail whenever I got a chance that you weren’t paying attention. Thought it would be a way to make up for me being gone, but gettin’ that thing in and off of a train was something else, and then they nearly didn’t want to let me on, and-” 

Eugene shrugged. “But I made it. And it made it. You like it?” 

“I love it!” he buried his face in Eugene’s shoulder, hugging him tight again and taking in everything about him again, how he felt, the scent of his cologne. “But you better not be goin’ anywhere for awhile regardless. I can tell you later, but I-” 

“You two are absolutely meant for each other,” Sidney laughed. “You with the picture, and this fool...he redid half the damn house while you were gone. With our help, though we were happy to do it. That lounge you’re sittin’ on?” 

Eugene looked down at it as he moved out of Snafu’s embrace as if he was seeing it for the first time. “This wasn’t green velvet when I left.” 

“No, no it wasn’t,” Mary smiled. “But it is now! And wait’ll you see the rest of it, he worked hard. Ran out of time, but he worked hard.” 

“How much did you try to do in three weeks?” Eugene laughed, though his smile drooped slightly as not one of the three of them answered.

“Tell you what,” Snafu replied after a moment. “We get that painting inside, hung up, and have dinner. And then I’ll tell you all what I did, and how I owe our Sid and Mary a very big favor for it, starting with a late dinner tonight if you both want to stay.” 

“...Everything is one piece, right?” 

“Except for the tile of the guest bathroom, yes,” Sid interjected. “And if you’ll have us, we’d be happy to stay. Can get that last bit of tiling done with Snaf before we go.”

“I like it! And we’ll have a bit of wine to celebrate your being home,” Snafu said to Eugene, and kissed him before hopping off the lounge and towards the kitchen. “In fact, wine first, picture hanging, then dinner, then tiling?” 

“Sounds like a dangerous combination,” Eugene said. “But why not, if we’re celebrating. How badly can it turn out?” 

Two bottles of wine between them all, and the rest of the night later, they managed to get the picture inside and resting safely against a wall in the front hall, and the guest bathroom was left mercifully untouched by any drunken work. 

Despite it, Snafu had never been happier. Eugene was home, there was good food, good wine, good friends, a gorgeous gift, and the house looked lovely. He couldn’t ask for more. 

[in-tua-deep]

me n a friend have been talking abt how to make a happy au where everything works out for the best and tbh my proposal is: that last time five time travels he doesnt make it to the apocalypse, he jumps right into reginalds funeral and just the fact that their annoying rebellious preteen brother who needs people to look after him is there, they collectively pull their heads out their asses and the apocalypse doesnt happen thru the power of sibling love (+being made more responsible), ur thoughts?

OOH curious, an au where Five travels straight from when he was thirteen to his dad’s funeral? 

Five absolutely doesn’t believe that Dad is dead or that his siblings are his siblings until they PROVE it and then he basically is like what the fuCK luther you’re HUGE and allison your hair!! klaus you got so tall!! why is everyone except vanya tall as fuck!! 

“Hey where’s Ben?” Five asks, all excited and wide-eyed and the rest of the squad is like surprisedpikachu.jpg

When he finds out that Ben is dead he tries to travel back in time to prevent it and that’s when he comes to the realization that moving forwards in time is a whole different kettle of fish than moving backwards in time which sparks its own little breakdown because until that moment he was treating this as sort of a fun vacation with his cool older siblings and didn’t realize that he was stuck there

So the whole squad gets to find out via breakdown that Five hadn’t really meant to run away and was always intending on going back to them and that he just got stuck

Five calls them out on their bullshit regarding Vanya because he literally just came from a time where Vanya used to sneak into his room in tears after Reginald called her useless and ordinary for the nth time so maybe he’s a little protective and he’s just like “holy shit dad is DEAD and y’all are STILL spouting his same bullshit regarding Vanya”

Diego, who hates the fact that he was just compared to Reginald, decides to be a contrary bastard and immediately start treating Vanya nicer because honestly sometimes spite is the best motivator

Seriously how do the siblings not cotton onto the fact that their brother who sees the dead can see their very dead brother?? whatever, Five is from a time where Klaus was just doing weed and not heavy drugs so as soon as he finds out Ben is dead and after he has his subsequent breakdown he turns to Klaus like “hey hey ask Ben where the fuck he put my book on interdimensional theory I need it for reasons” and Klaus is so surprised he just automatically relays the information and then the rest of the family are like “what” as Five jumps to go retrieve it

Five is still conditioned by Reginald to like. Be a good little child soldier. And I’m gonna say the running out wasn’t a common occurrence, so instead Five gets to bug his siblings to take him places because also he’s thirteen and can’t drive

“Dad is DEAD” five says, wide eyed with possibilities, “holy shit. Is griddy’s still open? can we go to griddy’s? in DAYLIGHT? without sneaking out? holy SHIT”

in the face of this excitement over something as small and simple as being able to go to a diner when he wants, it’s not like they can say NO. even luther wavers because honestly griddy’s is a nostalgia trip and a half and he’s been on the moon for four years and… dad’s dead it can wait for like, an hour right?

The commission is like “hmm. fuck. better send some people to get the timeline back on track” except now it’s the whole squad who deal with the Griddy’s Assassin situation and Five helps because this is what’s he trained to do!! taking down armed gunmen! look at them doing their job as a family

meanwhile the others are freaking out internally because five is a BABY and he’s in DANGER also looking back they were ALL BABIES WHAT THE FUCK DAD and five is just smiling while warping around bashing people on the head with diner mugs

Klaus and Vanya are ducked under a table bonding about not being super helpful in fights and Klaus is like “tbh idk why dad let me go on missions and not you like i remember when you got allison to teach you that highkick p sure you’d be more useful than me” and vanya is touched

they don’t come out unscathed and Five is bleeding and everyone is freaking out over it and five is just like “dude i’ve had worse lmao like literally dad has given me worse than this” and everyone is reminded that their dad was a dick and even luther finds his faith shaken because five is so little and he doesn’t remember them being that little,,,

they still make Five get patched up when they get back home as they try to figure out Hey What The Fuck Was That and five is literally getting stitches and he’s still excitedly asking them questions about their lives

and he’s thirteen and so sheltered i cry so he’s very impressed by like, everything

“we should watch some of allison’s movies!! we can watch movies together now, right?? i mean even dad would let us watch a movie if it had one of us in it surely! i want to see!” “!! Luther you went to the MOON? what was it like? were there aliens? did you see the flag? did you bring back moonrocks? can I have one?” “klaus your skirt!! i know dad never let you wear the stuff you wanted and now you just can! you can wear whatever you want! that’s so cool. can i do that? can i wear whatever i want? klaus klaus can you paint my nails? can ben pick out the color?” “vanya you’re in an orchestra!!! and you have a concert! that’s soo cool! does it matter that you aren’t first chair? you’re in an ORCHESTRA. i knew you were gonna be great with the violin!! can we go to your concert?? please? how much are the tickets? I probably still have my piggy bank in my room if no one’s touched it”

(Klaus touched it. Klaus 100% stole that money a long time ago. Allison cuts in and decides that as the wealthiest sibling and the currently most maternal and she is just melting at all this she will buy the whole family tickets to Vanya’s concert and they’re all going to attend as a FAMILY even if she has to drag everyone there by the ear)

everyone is immediately like “i am going to give this child the world and do all the things that we never got to do as children holy shit also now that i’m more distant from the events i never realized just how little autonomy we had and the fact that Five is so excited about being able to wear non-uniform clothes is a little depressing”

luther out here like “but,,, but the murder mystery”

and they all consider that and think that hmm. maybe those mystery griddy gunmen actually had something to do with dad’s death? okay okay, maybe just maybe luther isn’t being an idiot about this

if you think thirteen year old five doesn’t JUMP at the chance to be a part of uncovering a murder mystery you are incorrect and the siblings are immediately like “hmm. five has already gotten hurt. he is child. we should be,,, protective.”

vanya goes back to her apartment and still meets leonard peabody sorry guys but it’s kind of her job and i don’t want to take that away from her

she does still end up going to leonard’s house except five gets really bored of being smother by the rest of the squad (and they’re all WEIRD about the oddest of topics it’s stupid) so he goes off to find her and ends up ALSO at leonard’s house except he find reggie’s notebook and is like “hey i recognize this!! this is dad’s! i saw him writing in it yesterday!” and instead of letting anyone know he just kind of stuffs it up his shirt and steals it (it’s not stealing if it belongs to dad) and bugs Vanya into going home with him

he looks at the journal (he was always too curious for his own good that’s what got him into this situation) and so he reads about vanya’s powers

and immediately busts into the kitchen for family dinner like “GUYS HOLY SHIT”

and so that’s how the family finds out vanya has powers, it’s a big revelation, five is super enthusiastic because now vanya can come on missions with them suck it dad!! because he 100% isn’t aware yet they don’t still go on missions together and five is already like “we gotta train this!!”

idk pogo probably comes by and reveals the whole nanny situation and allison makes that reveal and vanya is fucking DISTRESSED and tries to leave but five latches onto her wrist and is like “vanya’s never been ordinary a day in her life!! have you heard her play the violin!! your rumor didn’t even work!” which is v touching to vanya and calms her down at least to continue the convo

luther is like “clearly she’s on the meds bc she’s dangerous so we can just continue those it’s fine” because it’s not like she’s hurt someone he cares about in this timeline tbh

allison meanwhile is trying to be a better sister in general so she counters back with “she was FOUR she didn’t understand the concept of death, now that she’s older and past the toddler tantrum phase i think it would be fine for her to actually learn about her powers”

but it’s klaus who’s like “hey, maybe we should ask vanya what she wants??”

and vanya is like,, i want to know. it wasn’t nice feeling like a burden back during the diner shootout, and i think i’d like to maybe try and explore this - and if it’s too much then there are always the pills (bc at this point vanya is still on those and doesn’t realize they inhibit her emotions, when she does she ends up not wanting to go back on them)

vanya gets the love and support she needs!! luther gets some validation for his dad was murdered theory bc the squad investigates with him and they find out about reggie faking his murder a lot earlier! allison doesn’t get her throat cut! klaus gets the love and support HE needs!! and decides (with ben’s input) that he needs to at least attempt to be a good role model bc five has already asked him if the drugs are more important than family when klaus tried to duck out of an allison movie night! diego gets to leak his protective instincts all over five and also take out his anger issues on the commission agents being sent after them! five gets to have an actual childhood even if he does chafe sometimes at his siblings being weird and protective!

literally the apocalypse is ended by five gasping and saying “WAIT can we go to the ZOO?” and making them all go on family trips together where everyone is included because!! they’re his siblings! he wants everyone to be there! he’s gonna see a lion motherfuckers! in person!

also a lot of the things five thinks of are things the siblings just,, never had time for. so it’s a first experience for a lot of them, and so no one really has a good reason to say no?? because they kind of want to go, too?

five, literally vibrating in excitement: i want to go on a roller coaster

like i know you said about preteen rebellion but look he’s come out into a world where his dad is dead and so there’s the potential to do ALL the things he’s always wanted to do but knew dad would never let him like holy shit!! family laser tag! paintball! let’s take a roadtrip to the beach guys i’ve never seen the ocean!! let’s go ice skating! go on a ferris wheel! eat ice cream on the couch! throw popcorn at the tv! lets blast abba songs through the house and make a blanket fort!!!

like it’s gonna take a while to get through the exhausting excitement of “LOOK AT ALL THESE FORMERLY FORBIDDEN THINGS I CAN TRY”

and just throughout this they’re dispatching commission agents and fighting hazel and cha-cha and trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with that as well as teaching vanya how to control her powers which everyone is trying to help out with and also dealing with five literally bouncing off the walls one half of the time and the other half of the time being passed out somewhere due to running out of energy

“klaus i want to get a puppy” “we are absolutely doing that, no ben we don’t need to consult anyone else about this” “i’m gonna name him mr. pennycrumb” “you do that buddy why the fuck not”

but yes. what an absolutely blessed and happy au. i love u and tell ur friend that i love them, too

prevent the apocalypse through the power of reconnecting with your inner child and dragging your family along behind you

[bnha-dumpster]

i want more of endeavor fucking his secretary kdnkswndkewdn im sorry

THIRST WITH ME

GLADLY DUDE (as i make these thirst responses gender neutral for y’all despite my wish to be gay)

endeavor’s a big dude all around. even if you’ve been in relationships before or had sex, there’s nothing that can really top your boss fucking the living daylights out of you while he’s working. after a few times, it’s going to get a little tough to get yourself off and even if you, you find yourself thinking about him. after enough time of being endeavor’s secretary (read: fucktoy), you’re stuck. there’s no way you’re ever going to admit something like that, though.

but as we know, endeavor is a smart bastard. he knows how to rile you up, how to get you squirming and compliant. he can easily get your body to surrender even if your mind won’t. the guy’s so used to you being lost in pleasure that he’s going to notice that something’s off. and when he does notice, he’ll just abuse his knowledge of you more. more fucking, more random moments where you help let him let off steam. he starts forcing you under his desk just for the hell of it, sitting there with his pants down expecting you to be his personal cum dumpster (possibly his toilet too, yuck dude). the asshole will corner you and coerce you into putting a toy inside you because dammit you need this job and this man can ruin your life so easily.

before you know, you’re completely wrapped around his finger and you can barely understand that you are. by the time you do, you’re under his desk, taking all of his cock down your throat without him telling you to.

[yasminsqueendom]

Antique the Vamp Geek Pt 1 Ep2

CWs: Violence, death, blood consumption (again obvs), gov’t being assholes

A/N: More fucked up shit happening in the world. I promise it gets better. Please don’t just me harshly.

W/C: 1101 (another shortie)

Hey guys. It's Tique again bringing my fellow baby vamps updates on our….situation?...as I get them. So here's the news: by official federal gov't proclamation private institutions and corporations are now allowed to screen their members/students/employees etc. for the sanguinilis virus (aka vampirism). Related articles can be found on the station’s website.

What does this mean exactly?

Well, it isn't clear yet. Screening people for a medical status to determine employment or acceptance into an institution has, until now, been very much illegal. 

One thing can be certain….it isn't just people with vampirism that are gonna get hurt by this. There are a lot of folks with medical conditions that, if disclosed, might face difficulties with seeking employment or even receiving benefits. 

Let me give y’all some background. How did we get to this point?

So, as I’m sure many of you know, about 2 and a half years ago there was this video floating around of a homeless person being harassed by a group of asshole high schoolers. It was broad daylight and the man was wrapped  head to toe in worn out dark clothes. They ripped his clothing and saw that his skin was burning underneath. He tried to run, but the kids chased him down. They continued to rip his clothing and laughed while he cried from the pain of his flesh burning in the sunlight. 

Up to this point, this video is just a sick video of some fucked up bullies doing things that people have been doing since the beginning of time. Badass kids and helpless people are neither new, or particularly shocking. What happens next is what kicked off a bunch of shit that never had to be….

This old man, he got pissed. He popped off and bit those kids. Knick-knack patty wack, social media sucks. Now all of y’all know what’s up!

Excuse my morbid humor.

Anyways, he didn’t kill them…..intentionally. One of them managed to dial 911, but all the operator heard was the screaming. Yeah, that video haunted people’s nightmares for a long time. The kids were taken away in an ambulance, but the homeless man was gone by the time help arrived. All the kids were dead within 48 hours of being bitten. 

Now, this may seem like random info, especially since the assumption was made that the cause of death was severe infection of their wounds. In another decade, this incident would have made local news, or maybe even a nightly news mention. INSERT THE AGE OF SOCIAL MEDIA! 

Suddenly, everyone everywhere can see this incident. And people started talking. Particularly, baby vamps. There was this outcry of help among the newly infected, who had experienced similar acts of violence, but survived. They needed to talk to someone, anyone, about what had happened to them. Groups and forums were formed online. And then, someone decided to prey on that need. 

With the rise of “vamp” culture on social media platforms, there was an equally overwhelming uptick of religious push back. There were groups whose entire purpose was to condemn “vamp culture.” 

Then, there was the blacklight party a year or so later where it was planned that the club lights would go out and UV lights would turn on at midnight to bring in the new year. None of the guests had been notified, and it wasn't on the event page either. Three vamps began to burn under the lights. Several people were recording for their social media, and that sparked a whole new wave of outrage. Two of the vamps were beaten to death and left unattended for hours until the party was over and police arrived. The other managed to escape.

People still weren't totally convinced by this either. However, again, in the age of social media things come around repeatedly. It's almost impossible to forget an event with yearly reminders of all the places you've been and all the things you've seen. 

Lastly, the event that put the icing on the muthafuckin cake. A video surfaces of a man and a passed out drunk girl. Now, everyone assumes that he is going to assault her sexually. But what he does next is just as bad, as far as I'm concerned. He flashes his fangs and bites her on the wrist. She squirms a little, but otherwise doesn't react. He licks the open wound on her wrist, spitting on it and rubbing it in. Anyone who knows what it's like, is well aware of what he is doing. He is not starving,or he would have been actually sucking her blood. He just bit her to infect her. He's a fucking troll.

Naturally, the video goes viral, and everything is just fucked up. He leaves the unknown girl outside of a clinic. They pick her up and she immediately starts displaying similar symptoms to the boys from the year before. She survives, but she can't go outside when they release her the next day. Her blood tests are showing weird results and her wrist has already completely healed. 

Things only get more complicated from there. Words like “zombie” and “undead” floated around for a long time. The poor girl was taken away to a “medical” facility. Her family was never allowed to see her again. They are still in the process of suing for her sudden disappearance. The state they live in has been pussyfooting around with handling her case. I pray they get some closure in that situation. 

This whole thing is a shit storm. 

I'm so sorry fellow baby vamps. We came into the game at a bad time. 

I just think about people predisposed to certain hereditary conditions, or have family history of certain illnesses that may be overlooked because of a stupid blood test. Because of stupid people!

Im so fucking mad rn I can't see straight. And guess the fuck what? I'm thirsty af and my plug is not answering my calls and I'm scared because I've heard rumors about what happens when vamps go without blood for too long. And I'm so scared. I'm scared as hell so like if you know anybody that can help please share that info to help out other baby vamps. We really need that shit.

Umm

So I guess I could open the floor to my listeners..what do y'all think? What do you want to know. I'll try my best to answer. Send all your questions to the email listed on the station website. 

Ancestors bless y'all.

I just can't tonight.

Love Tique

[sharonitwd]

Down By The River, CHP: 22

Where do we go from here?

AO3 Link

In between this chapter and the last I gained a boyfriend, lost a job, lost a boyfriend, and gained a job.

It’s... been a lot.

But not as much as what I’m constantly putting Sharon through.

The distressed and muffled voices that surrounded her was what woke her, she could only make out a few syllables before everything faded again. Opening her eyes only lasted a few blurry moments before her lids forcibly shut against her will.

Carley knew not to panic as she gained consciousness, the voices were familiar and she was laying on something mildly comfortable, she assumes they’re still in the mansion, still in Savannah.

“She only just told me.” Sharon said, her voice suddenly clear. “We were on our way to tell you.”

“So she had all this time and waited until now?” Christa argued. “The kids are missing, we have two people sick, Lee and Kenny aren’t here, what if she turns?”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“What do you mean? You know what happens to someone whose bit.” Christa hesitated to continue. “Lee told me about your mom.”

The room fell silent, Sharon’s brief moment of confusion was replaced with a heart clenching grief.

“Christa.” Ben broke the silence. “Katjaa wasn’t her mom.”

“I know she won’t turn because this is the first time she’s lost consciousness, not because I’m in denial.” Sharon continued, her voice harsh.

Ben tried to stop her from continuing. “Sharon-”

“You don’t just die, you get weaker and weaker until you can’t move anymore.” Her voice gained volume with every other word. “The bite kills you, when she- when her heart has stopped beating then I’ll know she’ll turn, but right now she isn’t dead!”

“And how do you know she’s not dead right now?”

“Her skin still has color and she’s breathing!”

“I’ve seen people die right after getting bit, why is this different?”

“I don’t know about the people you’ve seen but this bite is small.”

“A bite is a bite, does it matter how big it is?”

“Why wouldn’t it?”

“We need to stop arguing” Ben stood in between the two. “The walkers outside could hear us.”

The two women turned away from each other, not wishing to listen to him yet knowing they should. Christa sighed as she now stared at her unfinished work of counting their supplies. Sharon’s eyes wandered over Carley, double checking that, yes, she is still breathing.

When looking at Carley’s face Sharon immediately knelt down to her side. “She’s awake.”

Now that she could no longer pretend to be unconscious, Carley slowly sat up. “How long was I out?”

“Only a few minutes.” Sharon said, her voice gentle now. “How are you feeling? Do you need anything?”

“I’m a little thirsty but. . . what were you saying about the kids? Where are Clementine and Duck?”

Ben tensed.

“We think they left to find Kenny and Lee.” Christa said. “We checked everywhere for them.”

“Shit.” Carley ran a hand through her hair, looking back to Sharon. “And you’ve told them about the bite?”

“Right, the bite.” Christa crossed her arms. “You shouldn’t have hid that from us, you could have killed everybody here!”

“Christa-”

“You could turn at any moment!”

“I already told you she won’t!”

“How long were you going to wait to tell us?”

“We were going to tell you before you lost the kids!”

“That’s not fair.” Ben spoke quietly, hoping Sharon and Christa would too. “We don’t need to yell-”

“You watched one person turn, it could be different from person to person!”

Sharon stood, knocking the coffee table back in her haste. “Katjaa wasn’t the only person I watched turn!”

“That’s enough!” Carley shouted, shocking even herself as this was the first time her outburst had stopped an argument. “All this is accomplishing is walkers at the door. We need to work together not tear each other apart, Sharon you should know how arguing like this only made things worse back at the inn.”

Sharon’s lips pressed into a thin line, wondering when she had become the argumentative type.

“Fine.” Christa took a deep breath. “You’re right, we need to figure out what we need to do for the kids, the more we argue the further away they get.”

Ben nodded, hopeful that the conversation would finally go somewhere, though as he waited for ideas none came, the room fell back to silence.

Carley broke it. “I’ll go.”

This isn’t what Ben was hoping for. “What?”

“I’m already bit, what else can happen?” She set her hand on the arm rest and tried to stand.

“Wait, take it slow.” Sharon supported Carley’s back and free arm, the movement all too familiar. “I’ll go with you.”

“No.” Carley stepped away from her, proving that she can stand on her own. “I have more experience being out there than you.”

For all she knows.

“And what if you get hurt? What if you need help?”

“If I’m going to. . .” The words died in her mouth. “I don’t want to drag anyone down with me.”

Christa and Carley walked to the windows and peeked through the boards, it wasn’t until she saw their mouths moving did she realize there was no sound. Ben took a few steps closer to Sharon yet his feet made no noise on the hardwood.

She can do something, she can stop this from turning to disaster and they won’t let her. The kids may be in danger, they could need help at this moment yet here they are not allowing her to help.

She can follow Carley, she can’t tell her to go back if she doesn’t know she’s being stalked. Christa won’t follow and leave Omid behind, Sharon could convince Ben to stay with Travis, she would be sneaking out again but this time in the daylight, if anything this is safer than her late night trips.

She has to do this.

“We can try opening that shed in the back and have you go through there.” Christa said, her voice oddly calm. “Or you can try squeezing through the fence.”

With voices coming back, she realized Ben had been whispering something to her, rambling mostly.

“I don’t think I’d fit through the fence, the kids probably could.” The women turned away from the window.

“We can open the shed easy.” Sharon said once they had fully turned around. “The doors are a bit sticky but it should be unlocked.”

The group bee lined to the shed. Sharon was the first to pull on the doors, Ben butted in and grabbed hold of one handles, insisting he can help. The doors were always hard to open, with the overgrowth and lack of use it had become a workout.

“I was thinking-” Ben grunted as he pulled. “Carley, you should take a jacket.”

“It’s not that cold outside, is it?” Christa asked.

“No, I mean one with-”

“Hey.”

The sudden voice caused Ben and Sharon to flinch, pulling both doors open. On the other side of the fence Kenny appeared with arms crossed along with Clementine, Duck, and a teenage girl behind him. With their appearance the group lost focus on the shed and missed the sight of the boat inside.

“What the hell are ya’ll doing?” Kenny said through his teeth, keeping his voice low while getting the point across that he is pissed. “Why the hell did you let the kids walk out by themselves?”

“No one let them leave.” Carley says. “I was going to go looking for them.”

Kenny urged Clementine and Duck to walk through the fence and as they did Sharon pulled both into a desperate hug, when she pulled away she left a hand on each of their arms. “Do you realize how dangerous that was?”

The kids looked away in guilt.

“What if you got attacked? What if-” She caught her tongue, almost mentioning the stranger on the radio. A conversation for later. “You should have talked to us.”

Kenny heaved, struggling to pull himself over the fence. “Look, we can- fuck!” Kenny tumbled on top of the short hedges. “We need to discuss this inside.”

The teenager easily lifted herself up and over, landing on both feet and rubbing in her smooth moves with a smug look.

Christa put her hand on her hip. “And who is this?”

“I’m the one who saved this old dude from croaking in the street.” Molly’s smug grin stayed while she surveyed the rest of the group, her smile slowly fading as her eyes met the boat.

Carley tried to eye the girl but her thoughts wandered. “And where’s Lee?”

Kenny cleared his throat and brushed away the leafs from the shrub. “Like I said, we need to go inside first.”

“Why isn’t he with you?”

“I know now’s not the best time.” Molly interrupted. “But why did you go out looking for boats if one’s right here?”

All heads turned and shoulders dropped as she said this.

��Are you kidding me?” Kenny whipped his head to look to Sharon, his face quickly softening from the barred teeth. “I-I- well this would have saved us a shitton of time if we knew this was here.”

Without wasting his time Kenny rushed over to the boat, first checking under it, then hopping inside.

“I. . . “ Sharon’s fingers weaved through her hair, dangerously close to pulling. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, I forgot-”

“Hey, it’s fine.” Carley grabs her shoulder, the gesture being unnoticed.

“All y’all go inside.” Kenny said, his voice muffled from inside the boat. “I’m gonna give this a once over, this will only take a minute.”

“I’ll stay out here in case he needs help.” Ben says, looking to Sharon for a response.

“I should be checking old locked sheds more often.” Molly said, eyes wandering from the boat to the tools lining the walls. “Nice to know Crawford can miss supplies as big as this.”

“Crawford?” Christa squinted. “Is that a person or a place?”

Kenny cleared his throat loudly. “Like I said, there’s a lot we need to talk about.”

With that last warning Carley took initiative and led the women and children inside, once both kids stepped through the threshold Christa stopped them.

“Kids.” She rested both hands firmly on her hips. “Until Kenny gets back inside you’ll stay in the living room. You’re not leaving our sights.”

“What if I need to pee?”

Before Christa could comment, Sharon spoke up. “There’s a bathroom there.” She pointed to one of the doors on each side of the fireplace, Duck wasted no time walking in and shutting the door behind him.

Christa silently returned to rationing the supplies, pencil hovering over the notebook in thought, only able to write a few labels down before getting lost. Molly took a minute to look over everything they had on the dining table, scrunching her face for a moment then turning away to rifle through the cupboards.

As Clementine sat down on the couch, Carley and Sharon both tried to hold their questions, not wishing to stress out the little girl any further.

“Clementine.” Carley’s voice shook, she tried to stand straight to appear stable. “Where’s Lee? Why isn’t he with you?”

Clementine’s eyes didn’t leave the ground, the only movement that showed she’s listening was a light shrug.

“Oh god.” Sharon let all her weight fall to the armchair, suddenly unable to stand. “If I would have said something about the boat in the shed, I didn’t even think it-”

“He’s fine, I’m sure.” Carley tried convincing herself, trying to calmly support her weight on Sharon's chair. “He’s smart, he got us out of the drugstore, he can get through. . . whatever he’s going through.”

“But if I had just said something about the boat he wouldn’t have had to leave.”

“You had other things on your mind-”

That’s just it. She had other things on her mind and she cost them Lee, she cost them Carley, she could have cost them the kids if Kenny hadn't found them. She couldn’t stop thinking about Lisa, she could have killed everyone in this group looking for a boat when one was right under their noses.

“-It’s not your fault-”

Then whose is it? Kenny knew they had a deadline in this town, if he didn't act on a plan they would be doing nothing, waiting for Sharon to remember the boat that possibly had already been taken, waiting to starve.

Duck walked out of the bathroom, wiping his filthy hands on his already filthy pants.

“It's everyone's fault for thinking as soon as the geeks started eating people that every boat owner wouldn't have already taken it out.” Molly called out from the kitchen, now standing on the island counter to look above the cupboards.

“This was our only choice.” Christa snapped.

Before Molly could say something else snarky the door swung open, Sharon shot up from her seat, if her throat wasn't constricting she would have barraged him with questions.

Kenny took the painfully long few seconds the wait for Ben to enter and close the door behind them. “Alright, there's good and bad news, take your pick.”

“Bad news.” Carley said quickly.

“Bad news is she’s not taking us anywhere the shape she’s in right now, gas tank is empty and the battery’s dead. If what Molly’s told me is true-”

“It is.”

He bit his tongue. “The shitheads at Crawford has picked all of Savannah clean.”

Sharon’s eyebrows scrunched together. “Wait, Crawford? Like, Crawford square?”

“Yeah, that one.” Molly says, obvious disgust on her face. “They also claimed the road from the elementary school to the water.”

“Okay, and what about Lee?” Carley asked, eager to move the conversation along.

Kenny hesitates, trying to think of the best way to word this. “We lost him in an alley. He escaped through a sewer grate but we couldn’t stay for long and find out if he’s okay.”

“No.” Carley’s breathing became quicker paced. “No, no, shit!”

“Carley, breathe.” Sharon said, despite that she had been holding her breath.

“But there’s good news, he’s-”

“Wait- there’s more bad news.” Carley stopped him.

Sharon stayed silent as Carley started to unzip her jacket, looking to Kenny for his reaction.

Kenny’s hands flew to his mouth. “No.”

Carefully Carley lifted the fabric that clung to the bite, it hadn’t bled heavily, only enough to sting as she uncovered it. With the stained shirt out of the way they could see the angry red skin and dark red marks where a walker’s jagged teeth had scraped it.

“Gnarly.” Molly whispered.

Christa frowned at the comment. “I’m sorry about yelling at you earlier, it can’t be easy.”

“There was a lot going on.” Carley carefully set the shirt back over the wound.

Kenny dropped his hands. “When did-”

“This morning.” Carley shrugged. “I meant to tell you all earlier but I. . .”

“The fuckin’ bells.” Kenny shook his head. “See what your bell ringing has cost us?”

“I’m sorry, alright!” Molly looked away, her arms crossed tight like a scolded child. “I didn’t think anyone smart would be wandering around Savannah with Crawford around the corner, or dumb enough to stick around the dinner bell.”

Christa’s eyes went wide, finally directing her anger to Molly. “You were the one doing that?”

“Yeah, I was luring the geeks away from good spots to scavenge from.” Molly finally turned back, eyes glued to the ground. “I didn’t mean for your friend to get bit.”

With Lee gone as the group's peacekeeper, Carley took the role. “That’s alright. That’s smart, actually.”

“Can we get some good news?” Ben said, unable to look away from the blood stain on Carley's shirt until she put her jacket back on.

He nodded. “Well, uh. . . last we saw Lee wasn't hurt, for all we know he’s on his way back, now.”

“Hopefully he gets back here soon."

For the first time since revealing the bite Sharon looked to Carley, eyes widening. This entire time she had watched Carley slowly decline, after only a moment of distraction she had finally realized how sickly her friend truly looked. Eyes glazed over, swaying in the spot, mouth parted to take deeper breaths, pale clammy skin, the grip on her zipper faded with her jacket half zipped up.

As if a reflex Sharon's hands grabbed on to Carley's waist to steady her swaying movements, then with light pressure she gently directed the sicker woman to sit on the armchair as she could no longer find it for herself.

Kenny's hands twitched. "What's going on?"

"'m fine." Carley mumbled. "Just, keep going, good news."

“Is there any other good news?” Sharon said, asking the room in general, uncaring for who spoke or what was said.

“W-well, uh- the boat is perfectly fine aside from those two things.” He said, Sharon still couldn’t breathe. “I was thinkin' to look around the sheds in the neighborhood, if a boat was left behind who knows what else is out there. A gallon of gas, spare battery, someone’s stockpile of canned food and ammunition.”

“You’re leaving again?” Duck asked, standing close to his father.

Kenny had almost forgotten the children were still in the room. “I won't go far, and this time you two are not allowed to leave the house, do you understand?”

“I-”

“I mean it, unless an adult is with you, you ain’t even allowed to go outside.”

Duck slowly nods his head.

“I’ll only be gone a while, and I’m not going alone.” He looked up, taking a second to scan the room. “Sharon, you wanna come with me?”

She almost didn't respond, looking up at the suddenly silence in the room to see most were looking at her.

When Kenny would leave on supply runs she had to ask to go, never once did he suggest for her to join them. For him to offer her to go was almost too good to pass up, except that they're no longer at the inn, she's no longer trying to leave and find Lisa, because they're at her house.

Lisa isn't here, Carley is. Carley is dying, she needs support, she needs her friend.

"I would, but. . ." Sharon's hand wanders to Carley's as if magnetized, she couldn't tell which had initiated the hand holding. "I want to stay with Carley while. . ."

"I understand." Kenny spoke up, not letting her continue after trailing off. "How about you?"

Ben flinched, looking away from Sharon.

“Yeah, I’ll go.”

"Alright, I need you to watch my back and make sure nothing sneaks up on us, so be ready." Kenny rested his hands on his hips. "Carley, get some rest, you deserve it. Christa, did you ever finish counting the food?"

She shook her head. "We got most of it sorted, I can give you some before you leave."

"Good, I think we all need some lunch, I trust you to sort that out, too."

"And I'll-" Molly butt in. "-look around the house for anything Crawford might have missed. They always miss something after boarded up these places, just have to find it."

"Yeah, you do that." Kenny rolled his eyes, not entirely interested in what she does. "Everybody good with the plan?"

Carley shook her head. "How long do we wait for Lee?"

"We wait until we can't anymore, that hasn't changed." Kenny turned to the table of their supplies, glancing at Christa as she divided up his portion. "He wouldn't want us to wait and starve to death-"

Sharon’s lack of breath steadily turned to heavy breathing, the thought of suffering the same fate Fivel felt strangely right, it's what she deserved.

If she had left the inn sooner he would have been saved, but instead she is going to die just as he did all because she didn't want to be alone.

So many things she could have done differently.

Carley, noticing the sudden shift in the room, faked a cough that quickly turned to a real one. “I-I’m actually feeling really light headed, Sharon, can you help me back upstairs?”

No emotion came to Sharon’s face as she helped Carley up, her grip on the sick woman soft as if she were handling glass. The group, aside from Molly and Clem, watched as they made their way to the stairs, Carley made eye contact with Kenny one last time before they ascended.

Sharon rifled through the armoire, pulling out the red blouse Lisa had worn for the painted family portrait downstairs, explaining it quietly to Carley and holding it up to her body to model it. The blouse felt strange as she pressed it to her body, never before did Lisa's shirts fit Sharon, now that she held it close it felt as if she could wear it and feel confident.

Carley opened her eyes to see, adjusting the pillow under her back so she could sit up a little straighter.

"I thought you showed me that one already."

"Oh." Sharon put the shirt back, her fingers lingering over the shirt to feel the smooth fabric. "I thought you fell asleep again, so I. . ."

"It's okay, I'm sorry. I can't stay awake."

"Don't say sorry, when Katjaa-" A heavy tear fell down the left side of Sharon's face, she wiped it away before facing Carley again. "When I was taking care of her on the train she'd do this; fall asleep between every other sentence."

The room fell silent again, Sharon stepped over to the other side of the room, looking for a nick-knack to distract the both of them with.

"Does that mean I'm close?"

"No." She lied. "You haven't started coughing blood yet. You're also laying in a very comfy bed, I can't blame you."

Carley smiled. “Thank you Sharon, for staying with me. I wish I told you sooner.”

She wished she payed attention sooner.

“Sit with me.” Carley patted the bed and scooted over to give Sharon room, she didn’t need to move as the bed could fit two people comfortably already.

Sharon obliged, taking a moment to get comfortable, though she picked up a small nick-knack from the bedside table to fiddle with, a small plastic toy from Lisa's childhood that became a decoration when puberty hit.

“How are you feeling?” Sharon asked.

Carley shrugged. “Warm, the bite stings a little but it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. I can feel my heartbeat through it.”

Kat had said the same.

“I think the worst part. . .” Carley bit her tongue, squinting as the wetness in her eyes became blinding.

Sharon waited patiently for her to continue, offering her hand to hold but Carley didn’t take it.

“Sorry, I’m just. . .” She took a shaky breath. “I’m trying really hard not to cry right now.”

Sharon nodded, leaving her hand where it lay. “I think you have every right to.”

Just as the tears began it stopped with the thumping and creaking from the stairs, someone is coming up.

Both took a quick second to compose themselves, sharing a moment where they both had to wipe their cheeks of tears.

“Kenny?” Sharon called, pushing herself from the bed to open the door until it clicked on its own.

She was so overwhelmed with emotion she didn’t care how weird it was that she was hugging Lee. She didn’t kill him. He’s alive. He can say goodbye.

She pulled away, backing away to apologize.

“Thanks for the warm welcome.” Lee smiled. “Have you seen-”

His smile dropped. Carley had stood from the bed, eyes never leaving Lee.

The room fell to silence again, mixed emotions all around.

Sharon backed away. “I’ll leave you two to talk.”

She waited for a response, neither of them noticed she had said anything. Slowly she slipped behind Lee, wishing that Carley would ask her to stay.

As she got to the bottom of the stairs she was surprised to hear more noises around the house.

Molly left Fivel’s room, walking to the study without sparing her a glance. There were pained noises coming from the master bedroom and talking between Christa and someone with a gravelly voice. When she neared the stairs she heard Kenny talking with Duck in hushed tones. Ben was talking to Clementine about his little sister.

The house had so much life in it, even though it was about to lose one, maybe three if Travis and Omid don’t live through their infections.

Going to the office she watched as Molly pulled open the last drawer in the desk.

“Oh, hey.” Molly only looked up to her for a second before rooting around the desk. “Travis told me you knew someone who lived here, happen to know if they stashed any food around?”

Sharon blinked, the sudden change in tone taking her aback. “Um.” Suddenly she couldn’t remember anything. “I don’t know, did you check above the cabinets in the kitchen?”

“Yeah, got a candy bar.” Molly pulled out a bottle of antacids from the desk and shrugged, greedily shoving it in her bag, her hand brushing up against an ice pick she had attached to her back, it wasn't there before. “The kid’s bedroom had a roll of crackers hidden in the toy bin.”

Sharon didn’t know what to say, the urge to hide upstairs became too great.

“Oh, Travis said he wanted to talk to you.” Molly walked around the desk and brushed past Sharon, turning around the corner to look at the stairs to Lisa’s room, shook her head, then returned to the bottom floor.

That was weird.

Sharon shook off the awkward situation and subconsciously walking towards Fivel’s room, where Travis rested.

She knocked lightly, pressing her head close to hear a response. Slowly she clicked it open, unhappy to see Travis had an arm over his eyes, he didn’t look worse, though he didn’t look better. She quickly examined him without touching, his skin is still pale and clammy, his breathing still shallow, his lips tinged blue.

She flinched when his lips started moving. “I can actually feel you staring.”

“Sorry.” She turned away, eyes scanning for something that could help. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.” He sighed, now that he was conscious his head swayed. “Dizzy.”

She dug her nails in her palm, punishing herself for not taking better care of him. He has severe blood loss and she ignored him whenever she had the opportunity.

Quickly she swiped a few books from the shelf. “I’m going to move your legs.” She piled the books on the bed and covered it in a few jackets, then lifted Travis’ legs on top. It was the best she could do in a child’s bedroom with no one else to help.

“What time is it?” Travis asked, squinting at the window beside the bed. “Day or night?”

“Closer to night, the sun is starting to go down.”

“God, I can’t even keep my eyes open.”

“Are you drinking water?”

“Y’know, I didn’t ask you to come here to be my doctor.”

Sharon froze, not knowing what she can do to make him feel better.

He paused, his eyes moved behind his lids. "There's something I want you to do for me."

"What is it?"

"I need you to watch over Ben."

"Travis, I-"

"Shut up.”

Sharon shut her mouth, her lips pressed firmly in a line.

“I don't care if I make some miracle recovery after this, I want to know that you'll be there for Ben if I die. He's an idiot and he's weak, I know he won't survive on his own out there."

"So. . . you want me to teach him how to survive?"

"Yeah, he'll probably get you killed but I still want you to try, he. . . he's good, not an asshole like me."

"Travis, how do you think I'll be able to help him? I’m a wreck." With that last word her vision went blurry, she tried desperately not to cry.

"You snuck out every night without anyone but me and Ben knowing, sometimes you wouldn't even tell us you would just show up at the gates. Every day you brought back enough supplies to keep the bandits off our back a little longer." He opened his eyes, only for his vision to go cross. "Just try to keep him alive, for me.”

She nodded, only able to reassure him with a hum when he turned his head her direction.

Travis sighed, weakly bringing his hands up to rub his eyes. “A long time ago- shit that may have been just last week- I told Lilly that Ben had a crush on you.”

“You did?” Sharon was taken aback, the wetness in her eyes spilled only because she had lost focus on trying not to cry. “Why?”

“That was before I knew about the deal with the Save-Lots assholes.” He stopped rubbing and tried prying his eyes open. “It made sense at the time, y’know? He’d always freak out whenever you were partnered with him to do something, talk about you every night.”

Thinking back, Sharon pursed her lips.

Giving up on trying to see he rested his arms again, one hand firmly grasping his wounded shoulder. “Now I know it’s because of the supplies you’d sneak out, he’d panic about how much you had left in your bag without letting everyone else know. He’d stay up thinking about it, he’d never tell me exactly what he was thinking about but he’d mention you.”

It did make sense. Ben always went out of his way to make sure she was alright, she figured it was because she was putting herself in danger for him, but that didn’t explain why he always volunteered to partner with her at every chance he had, why he made sure to wake her up every morning and would deliver her meals to her room.

“Kinda wish you guys told me sooner. You always got shit done, we could have left and gotten here weeks ago, avoided that bullshit with Lilly- oh shit, Lilly.” Travis no longer had a problem opening his eyes. “She was right. That whole time we all thought she was insane but she was right.”

Sharon didn’t know what else to think, what she could possibly say.

“Shit, we got her killed.”

“Not we.” Sharon mumbled. “None of that was your fault.”

“I killed her dad.” Travis crossed his arm. “She fucking hated everyone after that.”

“But you didn’t sneak out the supplies.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” He nodded, opening his mouth to say more until the door opened. “What?”

Quickly Sharon wiped her cheeks, turning only to see who was at the door. Christa opened the door wide, behind her stood an unfamiliar older man curiously looking inside. Sharon avoided eye contact with both of them, instead looking back to Travis in hopes that they couldn't tell she was crying.

"Good afternoon, I'm Vernon, your friend Lee brought me here.” The man walked around Christa to stand in the room, after taking one look at Travis he turned back to her. “Let Omid rest awhile, I’ll be down in a minute.”

Christa nodded her head and closed the door behind her.

“She told me your name’s Travis.” Vernon said, stepping around Sharon to stand by Travis’ side.

“Yeah, are you a doctor?”

“I am, would you like your friend here to leave the room?”

“No, please.” Travis tried to move the jacket off his shoulder. “I want her to stay.”

“Don’t strain yourself, now.” Vernon rested his hands on Travis’ hands, getting him to stop moving. He looked over his shoulder for a moment to make eye contact with Sharon. “Can I get your name?”

“Sharon, I’ve been taking care of Travis.”

“Tell me what happened here and I’ll examine the wound.”

With Sharon’s help the two take off Travis’ jacket, and per his instruction they left his shirt on. The makeshift bandages were almost too easy to take off, the act of pulling it from the wound made Travis breathe in hard through his teeth.

“Travis got shot yester- uh. . .” How long ago was it? “Two days ago, I think? I didn’t have a lot to clean it with but water, the bandages are old and we don’t have anything to replace it with.”

As Vernon pokes around the wound Travis’ pained noises slowly get weaker, even as the doctor moved his shoulder around to test mobility he hardly made a sound.

“Any medical conditions I should know about?”

“He hasn’t told me if he does.”

“When did the bleeding stop?”

“Some time yesterday.”

Travis finally rests his eyes.

“Has he urinated at all?”

“Um. . . not that I know of?”

“Uh-huh.” Vernon’s tone didn’t make Sharon feel better. “Now, when you fixed it up; were you focused on removing the bullet or fixing the damage the bullet had done?”

“But. . . It went through.”

“That’s not what I’m asking. Were you focused on finding it? Removing shards?”

She stayed quiet.

“I’m not gonna give you a whole lecture but maybe this will help someone in the future when you wanna play doctor: focus on repairing the damage first. It doesn’t matter if there’s still bullets left in them when they bleed out.”

Bleed out like Travis is going to.

“Alright, you got his legs raised, that’s good for blood flow, which he is severely lacking. He’s not gonna die of blood loss, though the infection will only get worse unless you get sterile bandages and antibiotics.”

Sharon couldn’t say anything.

“There’s not much I can do here that you haven’t done already.” He turns to her, his cold stare only making her feel worse. “You did the best you could.”

“Nice to know I’m not getting everyone killed.” She quickly said, the only comment she seems able to make being self-deprecating ones.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re only one woman, you can’t be responsible for everything.” Vernon takes his time to stand up straight, no longer hovering over Travis’ sleeping body. “He’s going to need more rest, cover him up with a blanket and let's head downstairs.”

Sharon did as she told, easily finding a spare blanket to lay over him so they wouldn’t have to move him under the covers he laid on. Vernon waited patiently for her at the door, silently letting her know that she should leave the room.

As they descended the stairs Kenny announced, “I let Carley and Lee know that we need to have an. . . adult conversation about what comes next.” To the group already in the living room.

“Does that mean I have to leave?” Duck whined, scooting away to the far side of the love seat to look at his father directly.

“When they get down here you and Clementine are going to go to the office, and you won’t come out until we say so.”

Duck whined further, Clem stayed silent.

Christa looked over to the group from the dining room, zipping up Sharon’s bag when she saw her, and then closing the distance.

“Here.” Christa said, holding out the bag for Sharon to take. “I stayed out of your personal things, but you should really think about throwing some of it out.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean your bag is heavy, it’s only going to weigh you down.” Christa crossed her arms. “You don’t have to throw all of it away, but it will help if you lighten the load.”

Sharon didn’t say anything else, instead she sat next to Ben on the couch with her bag in her lap. Before Christa could return to the supplies on the table Carley and Lee descended the stairs sharing grim expressions.

Vernon furrowed his brows at the pale woman. “Just how many people are injured in your group?”

Carley shared the look. “Who is this?”

“He’s a doctor, saved me down in the sewers.” Lee said, then looking to Vernon. “And just the three, though there’s not much you can do for her.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m bit.” The grim expression returned with a small glimmer of hope as she continued. “Unless there is something.”

Vernon frowned and shook his head. “No, there’s not. I’m sorry to hear about that.”

Kenny cleared his throat. “We all need to have a conversation. Kids-” Duck, who was rambling to Clementine about some comic, shut his mouth. “Go upstairs.”

Duck and Clem stand and leave the room, both unhappy for varying reasons. As they passed Vernon sat in the empty armchair.

“Lee, you weren’t here so I’ll fill you in.” Kenny continued. “We found a boat in that shed in the backyard.”

“Yeah, Carley mentioned that.” Lee said, though it was good news he couldn’t bear a smile. “Can it run?”

“The boat isn’t taking us anywhere the shape she’s in right now. Gas tanks’ empty and the battery’s dead. I checked the nearby sheds in the area to see if I could find anything that would help, came up empty handed.”

“I already knew that wasn’t going to work.” Molly said, looking away from the window. “Crawford took everything they could find and brought it inside their walls, it’s a miracle they didn’t find the boat.”

Lee sighed. “So we’re screwed.”

“Not necessarily. She still floats, aside from those two things she’s good to go.”

“If we do get it running, we’ll starve out on the water without any fishing gear.” Sharon said, making it hard for Kenny to be optimistic. “Even with rationing, we don’t have a lot of food left.”

“How much do we have?” Lee asked.

“Up to a few days between all of us, a week if we’re careful.” Christa answered. “Not to mention Omid and Travis can’t be moved.”

“Since we got here Omid’s gotten worse, Travis is stable but not for long.” Sharon added.

“Sounds like Crawford is the one place that has everything we need.” Lee said. “Maybe we should try there.”

“Now hold on a minute.”

“Surely we have to try.” Christa takes a step closer, standing in between where Ben and Kenny sat. “If there are people left in this city who are still alive who still have supplies, what harm can it do to ask?”

“Trust me, you don’t know these people. I do.” Vernon said. “You showing up with two wounded men? Might as well put a noose around their neck. They don’t exactly welcome children with open arms, either.”

“What the hell kind of a place are we talking about here?”

“The worst kind.” Molly said. “But I don’t see what other choice we have.”

“And just how exactly do you all figure we do this?” Kenny asked. “Because from what I heard, that place ain’t exactly friendly to outsiders either.”

“That’s putting it mildly.” Molly mumbled.

“There’s got to be some way we can sneak in there undetected.” Lee suggested.

Vernon hummed, a brief silence fell over the room. “There might actually be a way. I know a gal that can tell you the sewer system that runs beneath Crawford like the back of her hand, went to the school where they keep their supplies, too.”

Sharon turned to face Lee. “Do you still have the map?”

Lee nodded, patting his pockets until he found it, stepping further in the room to display it on the table.

“Do you happen to have a pen?” Vernon asked, looking back to Lee.

Christa turned, grabbing her pencil from the dining room table, he hesitates as he looks over the map. Sharon easily pointed where they are for him.

“This is their perimeter.” Vernon takes his time outlining their walls on the map, along with a circle around Lisa’s house. “We come up right underneath them, take them by surprise, grab what we need, and get out before they even knew what hit them.”

“That’s actually not the worst idea I’ve ever heard.” Molly shrugged. “I mean it’s close, but I don’t know. . . maybe it could work.”

“I’ve thought about it before, just never had the people to do it.” Vernon smiled. “But I think if we all work together, we could pull it off.”

“What do you and your friend want in return for all this help you’re giving us?” Kenny asked.

Vernon easily brushed off the hostility Kenny had in his voice. “Crawford doesn’t just have what you need for your boat, they’re also well-stocked with medical supplies. Medicine that my people could use, just as yours could, and they got enough food to last your trip out on the water.”

“So, it’s decided then?” Kenny looked to each face of the group, gauging their reactions. “We’re going to Crawford?”

“Anyone have a problem with this plan?” Lee asked. “Because we’re gonna need every one of us to pull this off.”

“Man, I don’t know. . .” Ben mumbled.

“I don’t know about you, kid, but I’d rather take a chance on doing something than just sitting around here waiting to star-” Kenny catches himself, quickly glancing to Sharon. “Uh- waiting with our thumbs up our asses.”

Ben grimaced.

“They have what Travis needs, don’t you want to do something about it?”

“And what if this all goes to shit?” Carley said, breaking her silence. “What if someone gets caught?”

“This sounds really dangerous.” Sharon pulled her bag closer to her body. “If we all go, there’s no guarantee we’ll all come back.”

“That boat out there’s an answered prayer, we just gotta push a little bit farther. Are y’all in or out?”

"They’re right. On the off chance something goes wrong," Vernon said, gesturing to the nervous few on his right. "Where are you going to meet up? What’s your plan?"

"We have a place we thought about, the Wright Square?" Lee leans forward. "Here I think."

“No, here.” Sharon took the pencil and marked the park with a star.

“Good choice, far from Crawford and close to the on-ramp.” Vernon nodded. “We should go tonight, under cover of dark. I’ll go let my people know, give you all a chance to decide who’s going and prepare. I’ll be back before late.”

“Be careful” Christa says.

“That’s how I’m still alive.”

[freakin-edikan]

More Unpopular Smash Onions

I have a lot of Smash Onions and here are most of them in one post. Be warned it’s long and stupid

Bayonetta Should Not Have Been in Smash Ever

The whole point of Bayonetta is that she whips out these crazy combos and super strong witch tricks to defeat her opponents. The only problem is...barely anyone else can do that because they’re not supposed to because it’s Smash Bros and not Street Fighter. There was no way to nerf Bayonetta without ruining her, and there was no way to keep the Bayonetta feel and style without her dominating the game.

Cloud Should Not Have Been in Smash Ever

He was too fast, he was too strong, he had a projectile. Sakurai specifically said he knew Ike had exactly these stats when Ike was added to Brawl in 2008. He intentionally left them out so as to not let Ike become too strong. But years later, Cloud strutted into Super Smash Bros. for Wii U/3DS with these same attributes anyway. He’s a lot more tame now, but how many Peaches had to die?

The Zelda Characters Got the Short End of the Stick

A game with 30 years of history does not deserve to be represented by three Links, two Zeldas, and one Ganondorf. It’s clear that the development team was banking on the games sticking to its Ocarina formula, which is why they tried so hard to keep all the designs from one game and didn’t introduce anyone who wasn’t a Triforce bearer. By the time they finally stumbled on the idea of giving characters designs from different games, they had run out of space for any newcomers specific to particular games in the series, and the potential for new characters had run out.

I’m aware that Zelda isn’t as popular in Japan as it is in the United States; however, seeing how big Super Smash Bros. and its audience is, I think its representation could be a little better than that.

Zelda Got the Short End of the Stick

You mean to tell me it took 17 years for someone to look at that trainwreck of a moveset and finally do something about it? Y’all ugly.

There Doesn’t Need to be 15,897 Marths

If the devs over at Sora Ltd. played their cards right, our Fire Emblem lineup could have consisted of a balance of characters and assist trophies that could show off the most prominent aspects of the series. My idea is this:

Characters

Marth

Ike

Lyn

Robin

Assist Trophies

A Manakete (from any game)

A Pegasus Knight + Triangle Attack (any game but preferably the ones who made it famous—so Palla, Catria, and Est.)

A main villain (person, any game)

A main villain (monster, any game)

Ephraim?

Micaiah.

...and some cute lil spirits/stickers/trophies with some lore or references or something. If you ask me, we got the characters we got because of poor planning. I might not know the ins and outs of the process, but that’s what it looks like to me.

I Am Singling Out Corrin Specifically

This pick feels like an impulse because of the fact that FE14 was new, but besides that, I (a salty Peach main and Bandana Dee fan) first thought the character was busted. Never before had we a character with such ridiculous range—I thought Shulk’s energy sword Sunday was pushing it. It looks like Corrin set a precedent, though, because tall, adult characters who can reach across the entire stage seem to be the norm nowadays.

The Mario Characters are Out of Character

I think it’s telling when you can’t convey the character of Mario properly. Mario in Smash rather quickly moved away from his friendly everyman balancedness to a very aggressive, very angery Man who apparently just beats the living daylights out of people as the Smash Ultimate music blares in the background. Mario in his games is so much more friendly, eccentric, comical, fun. Smash Mario is way too serious; he doesn’t even smile in his renders anymore. I know, it’s a fighting game; you have to be serious to some extent. I just find this a little odd considering, um...

Peach was pretty similar when she first came to Melee. But when Brawl came around, her headbutt was replaced with hearts, her explosions with hearts, her diplomatic walk with a ditzy skip—it’s all incredibly suspicious. I talked about this before, but I think Smash makes Peach look dumb. I feel like it tries too hard to appeal to the girl who couldn’t pick any of the boy characters because they were icky so she picked the prettiest, girliest girl and that’s Peach. Her character feels like it’s making a mockery of her. (I mean, who remembers the tea time? I remember the tea time.) Nearly all of the nuance in Peach’s character is gone; I like the Toads and it feels like she’s commanding an army, but she herself with the rainbows and the hearts...I don’t know. It makes me. Uncomfortable. Peach has displayed far more competence before; she’s a very intelligent individual, but in Smash it’s not showing.

If I thought Peach was bad, imagine how I feel about Daisy! They barely changed a couple of animations and visuals but no attributes. It feels cheap and lazy and even though she’s an echo fighter, other “clones” had at least a little more thought put into them. And no “Hi, I’m Daisy”??? Preposterous. I think it goes to show that you really can’t make a clone of Peach because her moveset is too unique, and tinkering with it makes it fall apart. I think this was a bad call.

Bowser Jr. seems fine. He’s just a kid with some toys and it shows. Bowser...can at least walk straight, nowadays. But...

Luigi Baby I’m So Sorry That a Ugly Ass Bitch Would Even Do That

So when Smash 64 came out in 1999, Luigi had had his own voice for 3 years. Smash had decided to take Mario’s voice clips and pitch them up instead. This didn’t change until Brawl.

Luigi is Mario’s taller, slippery-er, eccentric younger brother, and Smash played the eccentric up to 11. (I mean, who remembers the Negative Zone? I remember the Negative Zone.) The hip bumps? And the weird dances? And the being able to fall over and be so round that he can just roll back up? I’ve never seen him do that anywhere but Smash. I don’t know who that is with the green hat in Smash. But it’s not Luigi.

The great thing is that he plays like Luigi! But he sure doesn’t act like it. And neither does Mario. And Mario and Luigi don’t play off each other at all, either. They’re so awkward to put together in this game; it’s like an attack on the sibling family unit.

We Don’t Stan Rosalina

We don’t stan her

“We Made Up Lore About EarthBound Hoping No One Would Notice Also We Really Like Pollyanna and the First Eight Melodies and We Exclusively Reference Mother 1 But We Still Won’t Put Ninten in This Game”

Ness is supposed to have defensive and support PSI because he has the highest physical offensive stats—and the lowest IQ—in EarthBound. He can’t use PK Starstorm, or PK Fire, or PK Thunder. He can use PSI Shield and Brainshock and Paralysis and um, PSI Rockin, and though I don’t mind using Ness and Lucas as they are now, I still can’t help but notice how inaccuracy-laden all the EarthBound references were, and that a moveset focused around trapping an opponent to go in for the beat down intrigues me.

Listen, no one else in this game has made-up lore about how their friends taught them certain moves after the end of their game, and how they channeled their big finisher into smaller bursts of energy while taking on the friend’s (much weaker!) signature move as their Final Smash. You could probably explain the magic Zelda uses as they come in crystals anyone could theoretically use, but the framing that they use for Ness and Lucas? It’s pretty silly.

Okay, about Ninten...he doesn’t have to be in Smash. But what’s the point of saying “Mother (Series)” and then making this weird conglomerate of ideas that doesn’t actually get the point across? All three games communicate very different ideas, but hardly any of what’s in Smash portrays any of it very well.

Where’s Bandana Dee

Where is he

Realistic Guns

Joker is about to enter this game with a literal fucking glock and I’m not okay

Final Smashes is the Same

It’s either a Mega Laser, a Giant Stage Hazard, a I’m Gonna Just Ram Into You Like Nobody’s Business, or a Barage of Attacks With One Final Hit. For all the crap I give Peach’s Final Smash, at least it’s different. Oh, there’s a new kind now: the We Stole Snake’s After We Thought He Was Never Coming Back And Oh God He’s Here. Oh No He’s Back. He’s Angry Oh N-

Kirby and Jigglypuff

They haven’t been great for years! I want them back to being good again.

Okay so Jigglypuff was OD’ing in Melee. But insta-death shield break just doesn’t tell me you care about them!

Speaking of Caring About Kirby

I see y’all only putting Kirby’s Adventure and Kirby Super Star content in your game. Look, whoever made Kirby 64 and friends disappeared the same year Sakurai left HAL Laboratory. The new Kirby games acknowledge all of Kirby’s history, and they take many cues from Smash. Smash is a big game, but the least it could do was reciprocate some of that.

The Music Selection is Underwhelming Me So Far

And it’s not the sheer number; I think that’s incredible. My problem is many of the songs are remixes with multiple versions. There are multiple versions of Light Plane from Pilotwings, multiple versions of Magicant, multiple Ballads of the Goddess, a billion Mario Main Themes. There are so many different musicians arranging for these games; are they all sitting there thinking “I’ll do you one better!!” making the same songs again? Some series have one song being remixed over and over while the rest of the soundtrack is just ripped from the original and chucked into the game. Other songs are just weak, which I expect, but they’re just so...mild.

The original music in Smash Ultimate I think is also pretty weak. It’s the same problem Brawl ran into and the only difference is the Ultimate themes are better orchestrated. The arrangement became stale to me and I think it’s because the game is so big that it couldn’t tie itself together as neatly as Smash 64 could (although only one, maybe two people worked on Smash 64’s music).

Stage Hazards

I don’t remember if it’s possible to turn them off but I am tired of the goddamn Flying Man.

So I think that’s about it. Thanks for reading and on the off chance that someone responds to it, you don’t have to go through the entire thing just to pick it apart bit by bit, I don’t want anyone to have to slog through that unless they want to, I guess. Happy New Year!

[sawsomeghosts]

                          BEETELJUICE REWATCH LIVEBLOG

I love the opening to the movie. Just that dark version of Day-O.

Adam, put the spider down. No. Bad. Spiders are creepy.

It’s so strange looking at Alec Baldwin then and looking at him now on like SNL or Match Game.

Adam and Barbara deserved so much better. They were so in love <33</small>

I wouldn’t mind leaving in a small town like Winter River. Everything is all city city city and if you are a small town like that, builders come in to destroy it all and make it a tourist town and comercial. It suuuuucks.

Oh, doggy. Look what you’ve gone and done ;_;

“The handbook for the recently diseased...” “Deceased.” LMAO.

“If this were heaven there wouldn’t be dust everywhere.”

                                                            More under the cut

I just realized they had cows right next door to them. So does that mean that they took care of them??? OMG can Lydia take care of them??? Pff Delia probably made sure no sort of farm (or farm smell) was around them.

I am Charles. Just...yay a nice, wholesome house.

“You’re finally going to be able to cook a descent meal.” LMAO. Yeah, no strange shrimp monster meals.

LYDIA MY QUEEN.

Can I just color my hair black and become her. No, I’ve worked too hard to be this blonde.

Delia’s sculptures look like a first grader made it during art class. They suck. Sorry first graders.

Otho come through a door like a normal person.

When Delia licks Charles’s nose...*cringes*

When Adam points out that they are ghosts and looks so excited...yaaaas you’re ghosts scare everyone to death please and thanks. Have fun :D

“I WILL GO INSANE AND I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME.” JESUS CHRIST. High maintenance much?

As soon as I saw that attic door slam shut I would call Zak Bagans immediately.

I love the Sandworms. It’s just so creative to me. I mean anything Tim Burton thing I admire so much. He’s an A+ genius.

Lyds wearing a funeral-like veil to dinner. Literally me. I wear my hood of angst ™ to dinner sometimes lmao.

Charles is so carefree. We should all strive to be Charles Deetz.

Another look I would love to imitate from Lydia - her black dress and large black hat, dark circles under her eyes that make her look dead. Ay it’s me! No but honestly I am jealous of the Lydia Deetz look. Why can’t I get away with it???

Poor Charles. Trying to have a cup of tea and the sculpture from hell comes crashing through the kitchen window...and traps Delia again the house. “This is my art and it is dangerous. You think that I want to die like this?” Bah ha ha.

A mom who matches outfits with her daughter should not be giving my queen an odd look about her choice of outfit.

That Betelguese commercial is EVERYTHING.

Seriously though Michael Keaton OWNED this role. It would not be the same without him if they really do go through with making a sequel which I have mixed feelings about. If you’re going to do a sequel don’t half ass it. Make it everything and more that it should be thirty years later or whatever. Which is why I’m glad they didn’t go through with Beetlejuice Goes To Hawaii. The title alone...just rings of corniness.

The red sweater that Charles is wearing when he is bird watching matches the apron-thingy that Delia is wearing when she is making dinner for the dinner guests coming later on in the movie.

I absolutely love the dead receptionist with the fairy wings. I would love to be her for Halloween. I would also love to be Lydia for Halloween but I’d have to find a black wig. Black everything really, but it could be done. Beetlejuice would be a great costume as well tbh.

The janitor who told Barbara and Adam “That’s the lost soul’s room...” actually died before the movie came out. I looked it up cause I thought I recognized him lol. But anyways when it shows the lost souls room it reminds me of Halloweentown...or something from Disney Channel Halloween movies.

I remember seeing a Zagnut bar at Cracker Barrel and showing it to my mom and quoting Beetlejuice then lol. I didn’t buy it though incase you’re wondering.

Charles is so dismissive of his daughter and it makes me so sad. I mean, he assumes that’s her wearing the sheet over her head like a ghost. All he’s worried about is peace and quiet and pointing out that Delia is going to be mad for cutting holes in her designer sheets.

Lydia’s room is everything.

Lydia meeting the Maitland’s is also everything. She was not scared by them at all.

Look, we all know that they should not have said Beetlejuice’s name, but at the same time they were stuck and desperate so I get it, ya know?

Also it looks so satisfying digging up the fake grass and dirt to dig him up lol.

Y’all I want the hat Beetlejuice is wearing that says his name on it. Someone gift it to me. Please.

His makeup is fantastic. I mean please tell me they got some kind of award for that. Now I have to look it up. YUP. Academy award for Best Makeup. They won Best Horror Film and Best Make-up at the 1988 Saturn Awards.

There it is. Lydia’s combed back puffy hair at the dinner scene. I WANTS IT. I have also tried it but my hair is way too long (and blonde). *sad face*

“KIDS. YOU KNOW I LOVE THEM.” Delia, I wish you did show how much you could care and love and listen to Lydia.

DAYLIGHT COME AND ME WAN GO HOME

I love how they go from “Oh this is weird what is happening” to just embracing that they are oddly possessed and dancing lol.

Some kind of shrimp hand monster grabs my face...I’m out of there, on my phone with Zak Bagans, byeee Maitland’s. You won. I’m out. Enjoy your house.

“If you insist of frightening people, do it with your sculptures.” PFF. WORD.

I just love Beetlejuice’s laugh.

“Now let’s turn on the juice and see what shakes loose.”

I remember when I was a kid and I turned on this movie the first scene I saw was the snake scene and it scared the hell out of me. I don’t like snakes to begin with. Absolutely fear and despise. So seeing that as a kid I was terrified and put off. But then I watched the movie later on and was cool XD

But hey...that’s how you scare a family out of their house.

I love how Otho thinks he is an expert in everything. Hair styling, home decor...bringing forth the dead.

That would be crazy. Spirits turning old all of the sudden. Poor Barbara and Adam. See what ya did there, Otho? Ya done fucked up.

When Barbara’s foot starts curling in omg I get chills.

“They’re already dead, they can’t feel a thing.” UM LOOK AT THEM.

Desperation calls for BEETLEJUICE! BEETLEJUICE! BEETLEJUICE!

Lydia’s face when he says he has to get married like ewwww who would wanna marry you. LMAO I love it. Also the fact she’s like fourteen here and he’s like “yeah lemme marry that” pervert town over here. But what does he care? He’s dead.

“It’s showtime!”

A dude pops up in my house with an entrance like Beetlejuice’s...I run. I don’t stay and laugh and cheer. I’d be creeped out. Again...my name is Zak Bagans...Also the fact that nobody warned them that they were about to be shot through the ceiling by BJ...like RUDE.

“What have we got here tonights, kids?” LOVE how he said that.

Otho sneaking out...come on man. And putting him in that God awful suit was everything. There’s your haunting, Otho.

“Mom...Dad...” BEETLENO.

He’s combing his hair back trying to look fancy the way Ledger’s Joker did. Well, he did his with a knife BUT STILL. Still crazy either way.

Their wedding outfits are the best. Like why can’t my sister and I do this for Halloween. She will not cooperate with any of my ideas. She can be BJ in his fancy red tux and I will be my queen Lydia in red. There, done. I WANT IT.

“Nobody says the B word!”

Damn Beetlejuice on the ready every time someone tries to say his name.

When you gotta tap dance around someone’s mouth to get them to be quiet. We’ve all been there, right?

“Beetlejuice!” “Eeeeeee!”

I love the way Barbara turns around and the look she gives when she hears the Sandworm.

How did Adam drive a fake car...what am I saying, look what kind of music this is.

BARBARA FOR THE WIN.

Seriously why can’t my sis, mom, and I do a Beetlejuice theme for Halloween. How can I get them on board?

When you have two sets of parents. One alive, one dead. This is the life.

In the original script for the movie the Deetz family actually moved back to New York but Lydia remained in Connecticut to live with Barbara and Adam, and the house was known as this really creepy haunted house nobody came to cause of how weird it was and active even from the outside.

Lydia not so dead looking anymore but somewhat normal. Well, she can’t wear a veil to school, now can she? CAN SHE?

If I got to float with ghosts and dance to music every time I got good grades on tests in school I wouldn’t have left after freshman to homeschool myself. Just kidding I could stay home and chill with ghosts any time I wanted whilst homeschooling myself.

BJ feeling up that girl’s leg and her hitting him from the other side of him lmao

“YO, THERE GOES ELVIS! YO! KING!”

“I gotta do a shoot for GQ in an hour and a half.”

How would you not notice someone swapping numbers like that? I’d sprinkle shrinking dust on his head, too.

“ROCK YOUR BODY, CHILD!”

[spectrumscribe]

I live commented on the latest (and very leaked) episode of TMNT and this was the result.

Spoilers below, obviously speaking. Avoid if you don’t want to see this shit before you see the actual episode of Owari.

Not much of a break down or analysis of the episode, just me being salty about a lot of things.

----------------------------

Finally he’s fucking dead

Why did they bury him don’t they cremate folks in japan

Oh fuck no he’s still alive

Wait no he’s a ghost, fucking great.

Oh real helpful advice splinter thank you

No he’s not the fucking sensei he’s their idiot older brother don’t tell him he has more power than he does

Oh oh he’s leaving

Fucking bye splinter, real useful advice as always.

Now the hospital scene. God. Karai I’m sorry your life sucks you didn’t deserve this.

Oh hey they mentioned Casey has an actual family. Whoa. It’s only been like two three seasons since they did.

Ew hand holding

Ew touchy hand holding

Nice a montage scene

Casey you disaster I love you, I can’t believe he did that to shredder’s mask. Oh wait yes I can he’s Casey.

Okay everyone looks like they’ve been listening to too much MCR and I can’t tell if I hate it or love it.

At least April is untouched.

Kay I have to admit, the sneaky black look when they’re in the actual dark is p cool.

Also April killin it as always. Thank you for that nick.

Y’all have been at this for like three years stop tempting fate and saying the Thing every time you get a break.

Real strategic guys, go straight for the cliff. Nice.

Aw shit its Xever. Finally someone who knows what they’re doing at least most of the time.

Apparently Raph leveled up since the last time he fought Xever. Nice.

Whoa cold, leaving him to suffocate. I like.

I can’t believe it only took a whole four seasons to get the kids on board with the murder plan.

Yo what the retromutagen is back?? Where the shit has it been all this time.

Omg the reason stockman has been a fly all this time is because he liked it. He actually liked it. Wonders never cease.

“Michael” omfg

“Michael” I can’t get over that. That’s almost as strange as Mikey saying “papa” out of nowhere.

At least bebop and rocksteady don’t forget Casey and April like the plot often does. Thanks guys.

Oh hell yes some Donnie ninja action for the first time in forever. Donnie hurry Casey is about to die and you’re not the one to do it.

Wow I can’t believe they finally remembered the shit Donnie can do when used correctly. Beautiful.

OH SHIT ROBOT ARM NICE

“-all of your hands,” nice

Ooh clockwork hands are nifty. Loving the steampunk.

Okay so April can take a full on punch from tigerclaw but not one slash from shredder on the arm, like what??? Continuity, people, please.

And Leo continues to have bad catch phrases in battle. Bring this back more often thanks.

OH SHIT MORE TIGERS

YES

Bruh wait has tigerclaw been chillin with a bunch of actual tigers

This seems like furry shit

I’m calling it he’s a cat fucker

MOLOTOV COCKTAIL THE NINJA EDITION YEEEAAAAH

Oh and we conveniently leave the humans behind. nice.

Showdown. Fuck yeah.

A family that murders together stays together. Kill a bitch, boys.

Actually working together in battle, nice nice. Everyone’s getting their shots in, I’m loving it.

OH FUCK IS IT GONNA BE DEE?

no of course not, who am i kidding why would they let him do anything cool in this hell show.

Retromutagen time. Oh no it doesn’t fucking work, of course it didn’t work.

DEE NO

Oh nvm his boyfriend and girlfriend saved him.

But shit he can’t get back up. Convenient.

YES MIKEY GO BEAT HIS ASS

NO DON’T

FUCK- well there he goes too. Bye Mikey, RIP.

The first they show of how scary he is in seasons and he’s thrown off a building. Ugh.

And there goes Raph too. At least he smashed shredder’s head against shit before then.

Oh shut up Leo shredhead obvs gives no shits anymore. Don’t try guilting him now.

HA HIS ARM

FUCKING

WOW JUST LIKE KARAI NOW YOU CAN BE TWINSIES

Rat dad no this is not the time for a vision

“Fear nothing” um excuse me that’s not helpful here

Wtf why was Leo’s sword able to defeat shredder but not fucking Karai’s, who had a direct shot at his stupid radioactive heart

I call bullshit

BULLSHIT

also

OH FUCK ITS HIS HEAD

Wait no it’s not a head. I thought it was a head.

The end- oh wait no more hetero

“-what no one else could,” like you?? Why is she just letting this go? Karai don’t let it go. You wanted the bastard dead and you didn’t get to do it yourself why are you not mad.

What happened to Leo’s broken arm. Did he healing hand it when no one was looking and not share that with Karai. Wtf.

Well that was a horrendously out of character moment from Raph. Thanks nick.

Everyone emerges from the shadows to cockblock Leo, bless.

Why are you all out in the middle of daylight holy fuck

Guys get underground it’s like noon or something

“Right, sensei?” guys Leo’s talking to thin air you should do something about that

And we pan out with a watermark in the sky of splinter. Real classy.

Okay but

WHERE IS SHINI

HELL WHERE IS EVERYBODY

Guys you had like, an armada of friends who are basically tanks why didn’t you use them to defeat shredder.

Wtf

-------------------

Okay so all in all- yikes.

Ignoring some continuity errors, it just felt… kind of really rushed? Also a bit forced in specific areas.

The whole “Leo defeats the big bad” thing is really bothering me. This was a family fight. The whole family. That should have been the brothers all together, their friends who are basically their extended family now, and Karai maybe?? Since she’s actually related to and very deeply involved in this mess??

But nope. Lone Wolf Leo strikes again. As per fucking usual. I don’t know how they’re expecting Leo to lead the team, honestly. His skills on teamwork need some serious polishing. (The whole “you are their father and master now” thing with splinter last ep is still seriously bothering me. Like…. Eugh.)

Definitely not a fan of how things worked out. We barely saw the other brothers do much of anything, Karai was flipping bed ridden- I swear she wasn’t that injured in the last episode, I’m calling bull- and Casey and April were utterly exiled from the final showdown.

Nvm that the Mutanimals- who lost their only safe refuge and literal home in all this- weren’t even mentioned. Also Shini. Where did that beautiful murder lady get off to? She was fine in the last ep, why didn’t she show up and shank shredder for her wonderful senpai?

And the retromutagen. Seriously, that’s been completely ignored for over a season, and it suddenly shows up again. There’s been a number of innocent mutants come and gone who could have used that stuff. Feels weird that the boys never even offered them the chance at humanity again. (Karai too, have they even told her it exists?? Though I doubt she’d take that offer, it’d still be nice if they at least told her she has the choice.)

((What is it with this show and taking choices away from characters? More specifically the female ones.))

At least we got an explanation why stockman was still a fly. Wow is he a weirdo. Gotta love him for it though.

So yeah, lots of dropped points here. Important points. Would have been nice to actually mention a few of them, even just in passing.

Over all I didn’t feel much emotion or gravity from the episode. Mostly just salt. I’ll bet people will be crying all over the place about what happened in this thing and I’ll just be sitting here feeling nothing but sodium powered emotion.

I’m still kind of really laughing over the whole MCR look though. I can’t wait to see all the angsty AMV’s that come from this, it’ll be fucking hilarious.