#sorry to ppl who read mores won't work w

[krispycreamcake]

woah your matchups are so detailed ! 🩷 can i request one if that is okay? idk if this info will be okay but, here goes nothing: i'm 5'1 and v petite, w messy hair cut in a wolfcut. i have so much duality, both in personality and in my style: i can go from happy and sweet to ruthless and cold af in seconds so much that sometimes idk which of the two is the real me... i'm also v good at acting, lying and pretending. my style varies between emo and cutesy haha. i'm shy but i'm also a gremlin w the ppl i trust and can act v silly. i have v bad trust issues, i really can't trust anyone. i have anger issues too... my hobbies include writing, playing romance games and watching anime. i love rock music and visual kei too. i would love to learn how to play an instrument or learn to sing one day... my friends say i'm sweet and in general i'm cheerful around them ! i hide my feelings and struggle w them alone often, esp when i have anxiety.

my love language is gift giving. bc i'm not v smart and even if i have good intentions what i say might have the wrong effect i prefer comforting my friends making playlists for them or writing them a fic to cheer them up. i know if they lived near me i would always be buying little gifts for them haha but at the same time i'm super shy when it comes to accepting gifts bc i don't think i deserve them...

i'm also v romantic and daydream a lot, especially abt my yumeships. i can be cheeky and a quirk of mine is i tend to wink when taking selfies a lot > /// < i also obviously love vampires 🦇

idk if this info is okay... i'm sorry if i did this wrong and absolutely no pressure to answer ! thank you so so much either way ♡

From author: From what I've gathered, it looks like what you need is someone to spend quality time with.

Your need for that romance aspect in your life tells me that you're very open to relationships and would welcome one if it came your way. But you do need to be wary and try not to rush things as it may affect how much of you the boys could take.

Since you prefer staying home, I can decipher that you're not necessarily a very socially active person but that doesn't mean you don't enjoy building friendships since it's clear to me you care about your friends abundantly.

Because you deal with anxiety and emotions, this can show me that you may prefer to keep them locked away or even push them aside to forget about. I wanna hone in on this a bit because as we know all of the brothers have problems dealing with inner conflict and you not being able to navigate through your OWN ones would help better point to who you would work best with.

Because of your generally kind nature and ability to comfort people without necessarily using your words, this tells me that despite being faced with emotional obstacles from those around you, you still find it possible to respond in appropriate manners without the need to verbalize your care for someone.

And now that we've assessed you, your best match would be 🥁🥁🥁🥁

Azusa Mukami

Continue reading for more info

Azusa is someone that's known to be passive and soft spoken. His docile nature has lead him astray in the past and because of this, he needs someone that won't take advantage of him while also keeping him on his toes.

Because of your clashing tendencies of being kind and being assertive, this keeps him interested. Azusa would be exactly what you need when looking for a romantic partner seeing as he's always selfless and would constantly think of your needs first.

Azusa doesn't need to go out all the time and have fancy dates planned, he'd be perfectly comfortable just laying next to you while you scroll on social media or even listen to some Malice Mizer. As a matter of fact, he quite enjoys that band and loves it when you do decide to put on some music.

Because of your ability to navigate through emotional conflicts by showing remorse or even gratitude towards someone by giving them a gift, this shows Azusa that you care about him and that you're putting effort into the relationship. This would then have a domino effect of him learning to open up more and in return, making you be able to open up towards him.

He'd fully support your creative side and would encourage you to learn a new instrument and even sing. He'd be your biggest supporter no matter what you do.

[heich0e]

Hi liv <3333 hope you're doing well :)

I've been a fan of yours for a long time, I love love loveeeee your works and also the little drabbles that you give us <333

I also used to write for hq, but now I can't think of anything new... Other animes don't appeal to me as much to do writing for them... maybe I've just grown out of it?? But still I don't want to leave this place... T-T

I love how you bring out so many ideas and how well you execute them <333 Your works feel so close to my heart, I just love them smmm>>>>>

But how do you stay inspired liv? A genuine question T-T ... Also, is there any anime in your opinion, which I should try? I really want to break my writer's block so bad...

I am so sorry liv, for sending this long ask. You can ignore it if you want to. Take care<3

hi babe i'm sorry this took me so long to reply to!! i am so grateful to have u here <3

i'm sorry to hear that you've hit a little bit of a bump w writing but that is SOOOO normal. interest in things can also fluctuate!! just because you feel you've grown out of it a bit rn does NOT in anyway mean you won't grow back towards it later. there are no rules abt stuff like this and you should go at your own pace!!

i am so flattered by all of the sweet things you said abt my writing, it rly rly means SO much to me. getting to share the things i write with other ppl and have them connect with the stories too is the most insane and deeply rewarding feeling. i genuinely don't know how to thank you enough for that!!

as for inspiration, i always struggle to communicate this because i feel like no matter how i say it, it comes out wrong. but i don't really have anything that inspires me. i've always been the type of writer who is overwhelmed suddenly by an idea without any warning—a line of dialogue, or a setting, or sometimes a fully fleshed out story just sort of appears in my head for no reason. i feel lucky in some ways, because i know so SO many people struggle with things like that but love to write, so it can be very challenging, so i absolutely recognize that i'm fortunate in that way. however it also means that my attention (and interest) can be fickle and fleeting. i'll be heavily invested in something for a short period of time before the next idea hits me, so i'm constantly jumping from plot to plot.

as for recommendations, that's a hard one!! it's difficult to rec something without knowing a bit more about your tastes, but i've recently been watching (and reading) wind breaker and i have really enjoyed it!! i think there are a lot of elements of that show that are reminiscent to haikyuu in ways you might like, but it's different enough that it's still exciting. another option (if you're looking for something to inspire you) is maybe to try watching something totally different from haikyuu? maybe a shoujo? seinen? the world is your oyster little guy!!

i hope you find something to inspire you soon, but it's not the end of the world if you don't! give yourself grace <3

[powerpolyculeshowdown]

Lime for the poll runners’ ask game?

Lime -> participant(s) you’re rooting for the most?

i don't want to sway the votes so i won't do any propaganda for them after the poll starts BUT it's Wu Zetian/Li Shimin/Gao Yizhi from Iron Widow i just love the way their relationship develops so much and as someone whos unable to actually pick up a book and focus on it, the fact that i read iron widow in 4 days is amazing im still proud of that as silly as it is

yknow what ill use this as an opportunity to ramble about them askdgakdjk spoilers ahead but ill try to keep the major stuff out

for context the book has pacific rim style mechas, but instead of being drift compatible or whatever its usually a male pilot and his concubine whose life force he usually drains in order to pilot the thing, but theres a LOT of propaganda that makes girls want to be concubines, or families might wanna send their daughters for the money. im simplifying it a LOT especially cause theres more info u only learn later on as zetian herself finds out but anyway

at the start of the book zetian and yizhi are besties who obviously have feelings for each other. zetian is poor while hes very rich so their friendship is kind of a secret and they meet in the woods which i think is cute, point is its p clear zetian tries to mantain a distance, not allowing herself to admit her feelings. for reasons i wont say zetian decided to become a concubine to one of the like bigger more badass guys even if she doesnt believe the propaganda and knows she might die, she only tells yizhi this the day before

he shows up at her house the next day begging her family to let him marry her?????? which is sweet because he wants to protect her but that isnt gonna work bestie sorry she's a woman w a mission

so anyway she goes to the concubine thing and shes surprisingly powerful "for a girl" which yeah thats a super common trope but shes so much more than just the strong protagonist. shes extremely powerful in every sense of the word imo and i love her so much and i wish the world hadnt been so cruel that she had to become so strong. but anyway the guy she wants to pilot w picks her. MAJOR SPOILER they have to pilot the mecha on day 1 cause they're under attack and uhhh she kills him lol lmao she drains her life force instead which supposedly is UNHEARD OF

so they cant just kill her off cause that'd look bad instead they send her to be the concubine of the strongest guy (all of his concubines die after 1 fight) and thats Li Shimin my beloved my little meow meow hes looked down on and kinda treated like an animal cause hes a criminal and the only reason he gets to be a pilot is his powerful qi. anyway shes forced to live w him and turns out hes just a lil guy. like hes very big and scary looking but hes just a tired man pls he needs a break. she fucking survived piloting w him which nobody expected. so now theres a lotta stuff going on i wont get into but some ppl arent happy w this duo cause they're both very powerful and not exactly happy to serve. and Shimin has a drink problem.

IN ENTERS GAO YIZHI hes back babey!!! and he decides to help shimin w his alcoholism. its funny cause when they first meet his crush on li shimin is so fucking obvious zetian is like "huh i always suspected he liked guys too" but li shimin is just pissed cause this is the guy who wants to make him stop drinking

theres like 1 moment of jealousy that i can remember when li shimin realizes zetian and yizhi have a thing going on but its settled very quickly and they all kiss.

back to the drift compatible thing: at one point in the final battle zetian and shimin need more power and yizhi literally lends them his qi (its extremely rare for a third person to help) and its beautiful and they are so in love and i cant wait for the sequel

idk if any of that is coherent i kinda stopped thinking and just typed sorry for rambling on ur ask im just very passionate about them i love them so much i love iron widow so much i love xiran jay zhao so much (the writer) (you might know them from the live action mulan analysis video that went viral back when that movie came out) (check out their yt channel)

[faaun]

sorry if this is oversharing but here's my two cents ! i dated someone for 3 years who never put in the effort, never was the first to call, left me on read, never texted me first etc. It makes you MISERABLE. and i always had this idea of if i just said the right words they would change. if I told them enough times that i was unhappy and wanted more effort from them, they would start treating me right. they would always say they would do better, and then did the same.

there's no magic word combination. some people are just built like that forever, no matter how much u plead. it really makes u feel worthless after a while. unfortunately she sounds just the same. after we broke up i realised i only tolerated all that shit because i found them SO SO SO physically attractive. and it made me feel so good about myself...like look at me i can pull this absolute hottie...and i realised i was in love with that feeling more than i was in love w them or their personality.

i hope this is even a little bit helpful ! best wishes !!

hi !!! that sounds really horrible i'm sorry you went through that! i'm so glad you're out of that relationship now though, i hope ur doing ok now !! (long answer so i'll put it under cut)

yh i def understand ! whenever i was in a relationship w smn who was inconsistent in replying etc etc even for a temporary period i felt absolutely miserable i can't imagine what it's like to go through that for 3 whole years...the situation w my crush however i think is a bit different bc we've gone on very few dates (3) and we're not even in a relationship yet, and also maybe in the past i would plead or look for the right combination of words, but fortunately i'm at a stage in my life where i'm ok w just. accepting it def won't work out and i'm moving on

u are right though i think a big aspect of why i'm entertaining this even to such an unserious capacity rn is bc of how she looks 😭 but ...idk how to say this without sounding rly arrogant but she also pulled...me? like i think i only tend to date ppl i find very hot and also i don't feel too bad abt losing her despite her appearance bc like...yh i feel lucky i pulled her but also it was the other way around too yk. she's the one who asked me out at the start 🤷‍♀️ (i say this but catch me weeping over lost potential in a few weeks) but also ur right as it stands rn its like . the ratio of how attracted i am to her looks:personality is wayyy off and if it doesn't change, i just won't see myself in a relationship w her

[sttoru]

hi anya.. i saw you talking abt being good at giving advice to ppl, so,, wld you mind giving me some advice..?

rant: i've been an anon for this person for a while and, not so long ago, i came out of anon to talk to them on priv, bcs they said they wouldn't be active anymore, and they told me i could talk to them on priv, if i wasn't uncomfy.

i did take up that offer, bcs i rlly wanted to keep in touch. but, they make 0 effort to talk to me. i'm always the one sending the first message. they never reach out first. and every conversation consists of like, 3 messages from each of us, talking about our lives, then we don't talk for months until i reach out again.

now, they announced they would be active again, and they're back to posting, but they just won't send me a message. i don't know if i'm being pushy and annoying by wishing they would talk to me. idk if i'm uninteresting, or if they're anxious or forgetful, or what.

it's just been very one-sided and instead of making us closer (like i thought it would) it feels like it's driving us apart. the last time we talked was in march. when i sent them a happy birthday message. i haven't send anything ever since. and neither did them (as always). i saw them as a friend, but i don't think they care about me at all.

anyway: what do i do?? do i try and talk to them about it? (what if they're just busy and i'm overthinking??) do i ignore them forever, just as they have been ignoring me? do i send them an ask instead and act like i've never been out of anon? help.

haiii anon! im glad you decided to reach out to me w this ^_^ thank u & i hope i can be of help with the following advice below ! (i actually typed more than i intended bcs it hit home hehdnsnsnd)

first of all; i applaud u for being brave & coming off anon to keep in touch with that person! a lot feel too uncomfy to do so even if they desperately want to keep in contact with someone, so i feel proud, if i can word it in that way ahsha

soooo let’s start;

if i read this correctly: when you actually begun to reach out privately to that person, you are always the first one that tries to strike up a conversation. you feel like they could be uninterested in you & don’t consider you a friend like you do.

i’m sorry to hear that— especially the ‘reaching out first part’, because it can be super uncomfortable and could understandably make you overly anxious (like thinking they aren’t interested, are ignoring you on purpose, don’t want you talking to them or they’re uncomfy talking to u etc etc. it can cause a lot of anxious thoughts. that i get & it can be extremely upsetting).

this is also a huuuge problem i’m struggling with. you are NOT pushy or annoying for wanting them to reach out to you out of their own initiative. i think every one who struggles with this can agree with me and guarantee you that.

why? because feeling like your friendship is one-sided is not how most work out. that’s how most friendships FALL out instead, like you had stated yours was at the end.

march is a long time ago. the fact that they are active & posting means they are on their socials & are checking their dms etc etc. to say that they’re forgetful is really doubtful, because march is MONTHS ago & i’m sure that if they cared about your friendship — they for sure would’ve thought of at least reaching out to you once in all those months (as harsh as that might sound).

but, they didn’t — it shows that this is indeed very one sided. of course, as a busy person myself i could look at the other side of the story as well: maybe they could be busy or they could be anxious about reaching out first too!

i know people who do, at least. but the difference is that those people i know (who are anxious of reachig out first) always make an effort to keep the conversation going once i msg them. they are interested, send me random stuff & the convos can go on and on without stopping for hours because they put effort into continuing the convo i started.

now that is considered two-sided to an extent as well. but reading that your convo’s are short & usually only 3 messages back and forth — i’m… feeling a bit iffy. if they were anxious about reaching out first, but were still interested in talking with you, they would at least make the effort to appreciate you starting the convo & continue it. so, i personally don’t think they’re forgetful or anxious.

that rules out any more possibilities to be honest. the moment you said that they havent ever reached out first made me already go ‘well…’ in my head. and its been months since you last talked. if they wanted to continue your friendship like you want, they would’ve put in the same effort as you (or at least tried once or twice to show their interest). judging by your explanation of the story, i don’t think they want to put effort in talking further with you.

which—is not your fault, maybe not even theirs. some friendships aren’t meant to work out. maybe they aren’t feeling it? maybe they don’t feel the ‘click’, you know? once again, not your fault at all! it happens to me every time — and it even happens to the best of us.

as someone who’s been in this situation for over ten times in different ‘failed’ friendships, i say let them go. maybe see where it leads you. i don’t think they will reach out to you first since march was the last time you talked without you taking the initiative, but just let it go. if they at least want to keep the convo or spark between you alive, they’d reach out themselves.

as anxious as one can be about reaching out first, if they desperately want to feel a connection between the other person, they would find a way to do it. like maybe a simple ‘hi’ in dms or indirect post on dash.

but it’s also valid that you want to continue what yall had. if you choose to want to reach out again; here’s a different & more positive solution / piece of advice:

send them one message filled with your worries and feelings about your situation. don’t make it too long (could be a bother to read, might make you seem a bit too desperate to them?) — but also maybe not too short.

this could be included;

• ask them how they’ve been lately.

• out your feelings about the situation briefly (abt reaching out first).

• simply ask for a clarification. don’t demand it! ask if they maybe would like to continue talking.

wait & check their response to that message and be critical! if they ignore completely, red flag. if they’re dismissing your feelings, red flag. if they say ‘i forgot’ or ‘i was busy’, understandable, but see if they actually make an effort to reach out to you afterwards. if not—stop putting in the effort and let go (saying this in the nicest way possible. it avoids any more heart break / anxiousness, i promise)

though, it may also be your last message to them if they say that they don’t feel the same (aka dont wanna continue talking), so maybe prepare yourself for that too.

anyhow! it’s ok if friendships don’t work out, once again, don’t blame yourself! it hurts, of course, but once you get through the heart break — there are many more possibilities for you to make friends out here.

remember, relationships are the most healthiest when there’s good communication between both parties.

xoxo

[achromic-red-dreams-doze-angrily]

hi im so sorry to dump this in your inbox i got super carried away w the utah hate but i am a former utah citizen and you are SO right utah is easily the worst state in the entire country bar none. the primary exports of utah have been a) missionaries like u said and b) the new weird trend of all these tech companies opening up in slc like the entire city isn't a festering poisonous cesspool. literally poisonous, the area surrounding slc is primarily factories quarries etc. just the UGLIEST industrialized shit you've ever seen, miles and miles and miles of it, and the way the topography of the land works the mountains and the lake make a bowl out of the city so all of that pollution just sits, festering, until a good storm rolls in, and it SUCKS. straight up think utah was ranked in the top 5 most polluted states in the country if not #1 on that list and for good reason. not to mention the cult church controls literally everything - they own the ROADS for christ sake - and is so deeply entrenched in the entire culture that being non-mormon (or god forbid exmo or smth) means you literally start getting actively discriminated against, like within the legal definition of the word. denied jobs housing etc, and ofc they're literally no legal protections for actual minorities of any kind outside of what's federally mandated (and even then those won't be enforced.) even if you're christian in some capacity!! it's significantly worse if people find out you're Not christian ofc but just being Not Mormon is enough to have everyone do their damnedest to try and make u suffer. don't get me wrong there's some really great communities and subcultures out there, i've always chalked it up to minorities having to stick together more than ever just to survive in the oppressive climate, like the lgbt+, latino, asian, polynesian, etc etc communities are Amazing out there, but they're so constrained, the second you step out of your community it's literally hell. like u mentioned utah having no good mexican food?? 100% correct unless u can hunt down really good small ma n pop shop restaurants and it's because straight up there's almost no fucking mexicans or latinos period. hand to god knew TWO mexican american ppl (not including their families) the entire decade i lived there, and i am not white i wasn't some insulated rich white kid only associating w other rich white kids or smth the population out there is just So Overwhelmingly White, period. it sucks so much. utah's biggest redeeming quality is like the geography and environment and they keep destroying it w industrialization. texas meanwhile has great food, great culture, impeccable geography and environment, i have a lot of relatives living in texas who i love dearly and who are sincerely great people who love the state; like obvs it had its rougher patches and places that are awful to be if you're a certain type of person, and ik the current state government sucks mega ass, but by GOD it's no utah. ohh my god. if any of these mfers actually lived in utah for any real amount of time they would understand how much it SUCKS. anyways that's all im so sorry you don't even have to publish this if it's too much i just got carried away reading your tags/responses on that poll and got so fired up abt how much i hate utah. thank god i don't live there anymore good fucking riddance

YES!!!! EXACTLY!!! FUCK UTAH!!!!!!

[mifhortunach]

some Unfortunate vague vambling into the void wrt tpf

The book is a grail quest, about ppl - either knowingly or unknowingly - on grail quests, and (with/presuming the small amount that can Ever be discerned about SL) written during/around a time when a grail quest was essentially occurring/could-would be a comfort narrative. Its a surprise (to me at least) that its, as Hopeful(?) as it is*. growth occurs! people move on & move past traumas/big Events(tm)! 

I had wanted to compare it to ‘Inside Llewyn Davis’ for some reason**, but its honestly not especially similar. If one was to take ILD as a starting point, as people/LD trapped in a cycle by the v nature of Who They Are, TPF kinda jumps from that point, or some a point of hitting a level of Rock Bottom and Acting/. For some of the characters its been a more gradual shift into decisive action, (Tracy, ARY Lewis), while w others its a hitting breaking-point/epiphanous kinda thing (Bob, Sid & Danny) - action is Spurred, etc. 

A reading could be taken then, as Action as Redemptive Force, mayhaps***. in certain cases. maybe. Sid & Danny, would probs be the easiest players to be reading this theme from, “fucking up”**** & then immediately deciding ‘yk what! lets find this fckd up old musician dude u/i really loved, and ask him to restart his 60s-70s band but w us in it this time’. SO! then they go from essentially wasting away, getting high & rehashing old routines & watching/critiquing awful (beastiality) pornos, to going on their drug-smuggling funded ‘grail quest’, to meeting & reteaching the dude guitar, to Genuinely /Finding/ the grail - before (thru an act of giving up on Expectations / releasing Bitterness) - giving it up. the previous wallowing / lacking of Authenticity is Absolved though all tht, as is a long standing weirdness between them regarding giving up on what could've been their Original /Actually Lucrative/ band*****. ARY Lewis thru action comes to terms / peace w himself even tho he Doesn't find his grail, Tracy finds a kinda “peace” thru a ‘mortifying ordeal of being known’ thing, etc etc. The man (SG Lee) loves his Things Bigger Than The Self stuff i guess.

As a theme this can maybe Also be seen in reverse/inversion, w Abby (p fckn minor character), not rly being Unredeemed or anything, mostly bc she starts off as one of the ppl Least in the gutter. but from the like, glances/vignettes of her once she leaves the main story ( “[god] has a hack screenwriter’s sense of drama” ), shes now set a drift in a way tht she kinda wasn't before, and as it goes on loses diff aspects of control/certainties in her own life. i don't think shes mabs treated as sympathetically as she maybe ought to be? could the loss of these things be read into as a weird punishment for /NOT/ going on or supporting ppl going on grail quests******** ? idk ! or idk, the ending w PR running off bc he's finally found that cigerette end, and her then missing the Avril Lavigne’s hit early 00s song ‘sk8r boy’ reminiscent bit w S&D ringing her up to send her audio of the 1st of the New round tabyls’ gigs, might be read as her still being Stuck/. everyone else has (to one degree or another) improved their position since the start of the book, except her, as the only thing she now no longer has is a deadweight boyfriend and his kinda grody bffl, otherwise everything is The Same.  

Not surprised tht he (i think?) doesn't think its necessarily aged well? or. that it is no longer Quite as Relevant bc of the internet & stuff - idrk if thats Properly True******* - both bc that kinda thing can Just About still happen, but also bc if there wasn't a p minor mention of 1997 being in the past, you'd probs assume it was set earlier. ditto some of the concerns wrt oh, You Know, fckn, Exoticism/native american/shaman stuff - which i don't think is bad/ignorant/racist! but its always difficult to tell, and everything (but which i legit mean Everything/ in Gen, in The World) could use more Nuance.  

I had smth else i wanted to say, but I've forgotten what it is tbqh - & ofc, this has mostly been an exercise in Thought ReHashment(tm). It might've been that the ending seems Terribly/ Tidy. like, i don't think there could BE another ending? but its very Neat: the Bad are punished, some leads are paired off in a (presumably) cishet coupling, bad feelings are trowelled up & buried, the bois remake a hot, niche & authentic band, Luther Peyote can play the guitar again: Picture Perfect. Its an ending that fits, its an ending tht (i think? idk Anything abt this kinda thing) puts emphasis on the quest-y stuff, and the poss redemption angle; but it feels like a far remove from the kinda squalor of the first while - which is probs another point in its favour, rip.*********   

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*not to say/imply (ofc! ofc!!) tht this might be seen as somewhat ooc of stewart lee, but it still kinda caught me off-guard. poss bc its a Very Tidy wrap-up, and it happens quite fast, i felt. but tht might just be the time that in it. 

**this reason may have been qs of #authenticity! or maybe just bc things/backgrounds/the world are kinda gross

*** “almost. action as redemptive force (as a form off faith/belief? faith/belief as redemptive force - if not in a god, in the World or Others?)” -> thats from the Even Worse! orig version of this, lmao. but also Action as a way of Escape/breaking a cycle

****for want of a better descrip

***** the orig uhm, idfk, them lemon boys, could probs be read into - if one Wanted to read too much into these things mabs - as some kinda weird parallel to the original On The Hour stuff(?) w AL vs L&H, & how they Didn't get royalties/whatever was up there. you'd never be able to be either Accurate or Sure about that though, even w certain traits of S&D being p clearly lifted from L&H, or old SL routines - theyre not Explicit or Perfect cyphers/inserts yk?******

****** following on! (if i may) some of the. not /Tension/,, but smth similar, w S&D often feels. not truly emotionally resolved? or just like, Unclear/ at times. the whole novel speeds up a fair bit once more than 2 (two) characters have to be properly juggled in a scene. [which is to say tht in some real Old L&H interviews, (usually in the ones where L isn't present, lmao) RH says tht SL gets ‘embarrassed’ by having to directly explore how ppl might feel about each other/relationships yk? can't say thats necessarily true! but it Is smth i couldn't help thinking about. but emotional exploration & openness is also the realm of fanfic, so maybe I'm asking too much, fgdksh] 

*******im trying not to use the word ‘necessarily’ here again

******** for the small sum of €5 a month, you too could support a pilgrim on a grail quest

*********tho tbf, could also v much be influenced by the whole thing being written over the better part of a decade, place/s while writing & stuff yk? idfk

[personasintro]

Hi, author! i'm a reader that found your fic thru this hell app and downloaded wattpad just to keep up with your story. I'm piedepagina over there and i've been commenting a lot for the latest chapter (i'm sorry ��) and i had just never sent you an ask here, but i'm seeing the asks you're getting and it's really sad to see you're feeling down 😢 ngl i wanted to come here with an ask to talk about the characters bc i love that (btw me identifying manipulative traits in Kiko come from personal experience, it's how we all analyze media, so i apologize if i'm misunderstanding your character, it really isn't with ill intent, but as a neurodivergent person who suffers from rejection sensitivity, i do understand your reactions and irdk how i would react to stuff like that if i were you, which is why i'm here so back to the point sjdj lol), i love when stories like yours give us space to talk about character development, but the reason i decided to come here and comment here is bc i really am so sorry you're feeling like this bc of people's out of line comments, i won't tell you that you should just ignore asks bc ik how hurtful some things can be, even if we try to brush them off, they affect you and it's okay to give yourself the space to feel it, and get over it, it's not an overreaction, you're human.

And though i understand if you're feeling so burned out that you don't think you wanna do this anymore after you are finished with your current stories, i hope from the bottom of my heart you don't, and not to prove ppl wrong or to be stoic or w/e or "for your readers" but just bc i hope this part of you stays with you for a long time, be it as a hobby or something more, you deserve it, you deserve to give yourself the right to keep doing this, bc you love it and bc you're good. Believe me, not everyone doing this for free can get this many people discussing, really discussing your characters and story like this (not meaning the hate or negative criticism, but people forming opinions and theories and trying to analyze the characters and turning into therapists skdjd and even people hating characters AND loving characters)... you're doing it right, so i hope, i really hope you keep this with you for a very long time and you get the chance to tell more stories, fanfics or otherwise, for yourself.

My only unsolicited advice to you rn would be, try to explain less, if we still misunderstand the characters after the light you've shed on them, it's on us, we're on our own, and it will be then on the story to speak for itself and clarify what it has to at the moment it has to (even if we, with our headcanons, aren't satisfied, we as a society really need to learn to deal with this! In media, to omg ok back to the point) when you decide it's time. You will save yourself a lot of headaches, for sure 🤭 and to people reading and getting frustrated with the pace, just bookmark the story and comeback in a couple months to binge read the chapters posted till then, you all will save lots of trouble too AND will spare our author from dealing with your bitter asses.

Anyway, i'm sorry for this essay lenght rambling idk if anything makes sense 😭 i just find all of this really sad, you deserve to feel joy with your works and i hope this passes again and doesn't come back! and yk take the time you need to clear your mind from all this, do what you need to do, after all the most important thing is that you feel well. We love your story and we are always rooting for you, i'm sure 💜

💜

It can get a little bit frustrating, okay sometimes a little bit too much, especially when I don’t answer certain questions they just keep going. The same ones all the time. I got like 4 messages on wattpad going something like “hey can you please tell me if the story ends with jk and y/n together please? I only read stories that end like this”🤯 I don’t even know how to reply to that since I said countless times I won’t be spoiling anything, not even in the messages individually. The thing with me explaining is usually when ppl directly ask me about it or give me feedback and I try to just share my thoughts on it. I always want them to make their own opinion while reading the story, not asking me. If you’d look for my older asks about mh, I actually asked people to read my stories more carefully but I’m always open to explain some things (things that don’t give spoiler), or just sharing my thoughts. I don’t see anything wrong with that and I’ve no idea what I did wrong or why this has become such a big deal all of a sudden. This happens every time I speak up and address certain things lol

Thank you for writing me all of this! You’re so sweet and kind, I want you to know that I really took your words to my heart. Thank you again!!💜🙇‍♀️

[neonstatic]

i know i'm repeating myself but this is my blog and i get to say wtv i want.

i'm a relatively low-maintenance person (read: i've got people-pleaser tendencies with a nervous core and emotional constipation so bad it translates to literal constipation). but i can get very intense emotional responses over seemingly innocuous matters. i've gotten better recently but as a teen i'd go thru numerous episodes of feeling disproportionately sad and hurt and just so affected that i felt like i was going crazy. i've gotten better; thanks to experience or maybe some chemistry in my brain that's finally starting to balance out... but when i enter this extremely vulnerable state of mind, the last thing i need is half-ass support from someone who can't handle what i'm going thru.

so i have this friend, right, and one time i messaged him abt some symptoms i've been dealing with, to which he knows the backstory. (that was following a day of work where i was acting pretty erratic and anyone with eyes could tell that i wasn't doing well.) so anyway he asks me if i have ways to deal with my issue. i say smth along the lines of "not rly" and he goes, "oh." And That's It. he didn't know what else to say so he said Nothing Else.

that whole conversation barely lasted five sentences, i kid you not. and so i was like ok maybe this subject is too heavy for him, i'll avoid it for his sake. but then i txt him again abt smth else that's rly upset me and ykno what he says 😭 NOTHING. like i just wanted somewhere to express myself and his dms is my diary. nigga if you don't say smth right the fuck now 😭 and i don't want nobody telling me this is what i get for being vulnerable w a man bc the first person to do this before him was my childhood best friend who was a girl! so see this is NOT the first time it's happened to me and every time i feel like pulling a 13 reasons why jbgabgab like oh sorry does my pain bother you? wait lemme make it worse sjbajgab ithat's the shortcut to making a villain out of me. incite me to open myself up to vulnerability and ridicule for none of the benefits. mhm love that. but i'm a better person than hannah baker so i'm not doing it but OOUGHH y'all don't make it easy for me!!!! y'all piss me off sometimes oouuughhhh testing me!!!!!

so yeah now i'll do more of this thing where i cultivate the ppl i share my heart with. i will not just confess my deep hurts wounds and weakness to just anybody. i'll only do it to ppl who've shown they have consideration and tact and communication skills. even if it's a friend i rly care for, i won't trust blindly. you can't trust everyone with your emotions, i'm not done learning this lesson it seems but it's ok i'm getting there!

[demiromantic-official]

About 3 months ago my ex broke up w me cause she came out as aroace. I won't go specifics but it shreded my heart. But (maybe) more important than this I was forced to deal w the arospec thing, which I'd been avoiding for years. I had a pretty negative idea over arospec ppl as lonely and incapable of love cause I knew I was demiromantic and those stereotypes were what I was told about me. I felt broke inside for not being able to have a stable relationship (1/4)

The only time I was happy about it was w someone who could never be w me the way I needed/ wanted. Funny thing, I had no problems accepting this ex (we’re apart now for other motives) but I just couldn’t accept me cause I related my failures and sexual id to my rape. And the problem was I did not want to be different cause some stupid man hurt me. I came here hopless, thinking I was damaged and doomed for not fitting. But when I started to read the posts I saw really positive stuff (2/4)

I don’t think aro specs are lonely and not loving anymore (sorry everyone) and also discovered that being a demiromantic isn’t a trauma, it’s who I always have been. Now I understand why my relationships never worked and why I always felt lonely w those ppl. I want to thank you for this blog and for helping me accept myself. Keep doing the good work cause I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of ppl like me, just wondering w no answers. I’m proud and relieved to say I’m a demiromantic 💜 (¾)

And if this testimony become some crazy plot twist and my ex read this: I want you to know that you’re the only one I ever loved (think I still do) and I regret the hateful words I said. I’m grateful for you “forcing” me to face myself even tho I don’t want you anymore. (4/4) 

This actually made me cry.  I am so happy for you for growing, learning to accept both yourself and arospec people, and for feeling at peace with yourself.  To all the people who feel broken or in despair over their romantic orientation: you are not broken, and I hope you can find peace like this person.  Thank you for sharing your story. 💖

[murderous-opossum]

hii I was gonna just leave a comment abt the spider but I couldn't I have too much too say and too much to ask

btw how r u I hope ur okay but if it not I drew u a spider (it's on theme) it won't help much but is cute I think (It kinda looks like a potato)

I'm gonna start w the story and then ask u the questions I want u don't have to reply to any actually (I'm not even sure ull see any of this but if I see this that spider is rly cute)

I'm sorry if is too long or doesn't make any sense my brain is dizzy

story: I don't remember how old I was but I once touched a spider I don't remember much but I think was rly cool was at a bug etc musium and they got us at a room full of butterflies they wouldn't let me out and that's why I'm now scared of them 😃 and also after they let all the ppl out they made us draw smtng and there was a snake there and I wanted to hug it but they didn't let me and everyone was scared if it except me c: (that's the short version btw coz I don't wanna bore u)

questions :

is that a spider :000 (ofc it is) it looks rly cool..is she urs..u said u have a lot of pets or something is it ur spider..r u where u work? do u have a job :000 is it bring ur pet at job day like how they do at cartoons (that's be rly fun I think having ppl bring their dogs or cats and u come w a spider) is it ur job at a pet store? if yes that's rly cool (I got offered to work at a pet store once when I went to get a fish coz I knew more stuff than them..the fish they had there looked rly sad and not properly taken care of.. i only know of fish stuff nothing else ) did I say that the spider is rly cute..u said lady spider, does she have a name..can u name spiders?if yes what her name? do u have pets ? I think u said u have ? what r they do they have names ? I have a fish if ur also wandering his name is fishsticks c:

also I'm gonna shut up now coz I think I'm repeating myself and I don't wanna tire u

I hope u have a great day or rest of the day or night or other time part of the day depending on where u live :)

did I say that the spider is cute (also u look nice accept it I'm trying TʌT)

OKAY IMMA ANSWER UR QUESTIONS I READ IT ALL YOU'RE PRECIOUS ILY. MY SWEET HUSBAND.

She is a striped knee tarantula (yes, spider)

She is not mine! She was at the store! Yes, I was at work!

No it was not bring your pet to work day, she was for sale! Yes I work at a specialty pet store (for now until I move to texas)

She did have a name! Her name was Aurora.

She got bought by a nice older lady who is a regular and has tons of pets!

I do! I have a cat, Named nugget. A bird Named Prince William Lockhart III. And a chameleon named Wilbur/Wilbie.

I will attach pics of my cat and chameleon idk if I have pics of my bird in my camera roll rn.

Also you're not annoying I love talking to you, even if its through asks you silly man! i adore you and your questions, spam me as often as you'd like I will never ignore you! I think I answered everything (doing so on mobile so if I missed one, tell me so I can fix it!

[luvdsc]

Hihi Cat! I've come to deliver some good news! (This is pretty long huhu ToT)

MY ERB HAS BEEN APPROVED AND I CAN PROCEED TO RECRUIT PARTICIPANTS!! Ahh it's been such a blessing to be able to proceed immediately! I've actually hit my target amount of participants in less than a day (IT'S CRAZY) but I'm gonna collect more responses cuz the more the better! (Would you wanna check the questionnaire out? I can PM you the link!! :3)

Also also I PASSED THAT FINALS! The one I took a day after my vaccination (1st dose) ToT GAHH I'm so happy I won't even ask for more, it's enough :3

I've been writing my thesis during this sem break but it's progressing pretty slowly cuz I've been so drained from last semester and the vaccine itself. Huhu but I've written a brief rundown for my proposal so there's a rough idea there, just needa rly assemble it into a clear narrative. And yes I agree! Psychology studies are a beautiful fusion of science & human essence imo, and its fascinating learning more abt ourselves and how we as the human species progress in life ya know? 😌

I got my second dose exactly a week ago and got the same side effects - headache, arm soreness, hunger, fatigue; I felt like a fusion of psyduck & snorlax HAHAHAHA 😂 - it wasn't anything serious so yay I'm fully vaccinated! (in a few weeks time keke I'll be)

HAHAHAHA my vaccination appointments were pretty eventful. The nurses and volunteers were all so warm and friendly! I'm the type of person who feels whatever's being injected into me, it's not the pain that I wanna distract myself from (it wasn't pain tbh) but that sluggish discomfort I get from the needle ejaculation >//< sooo as they showed me the vile and syringe before injecting me, I prepped my Yangyang photocard in my hand. During my second dose, the nurse thought I had some fancy way of taking a video when in actual fact I was just looking at my Yangyang photocard hehe UwU she asked me whether I wanted to see the needle going in (smtg I can't look at tbh) and I was like HELL NAH ToT

And also some recap from the previous ask!

There's no need to apologise for the delayed response okie!! UwU my sem break is ending this week, but I've spent my time completing my academic research trainee tasks (transcribing audio clips), I've also created the content & design for my uni's newsletter, did some thesis writing, and I took a course on financial planning on Coursera to prep myself for the adulting life ToT

And idm sharing my back up / failed topics! I didn't have a lot of cards in my hands, but here are some of em!

1) time perspective and meaning in life 2) anticipatory nostalgia 3) not a topic but a variable! fragility of happiness / happiness aversion

what ideas did you settle on for yr art pieces? If you dm sharing, I'd love to hear abt it! 💖💖💖

Tbh I can't think of a fav ice cream flavor hmm 🤔 i rly didn't think it'd be so hard thinking of a fav ice cream flavor but the first that comes to mind is green tea! I like them milky flavored ice cream😍 though my fav from this ice cream place I go to is thai milk tea, it's so fragrant and milky!! 🥺💖 I just got myself a tub of milk & biscoff gelato keke UwU what's yr fav ice cream flavor? :3

For my course structure:

We have 2 long sems (Jan - Apr, & Aug - Dec, 16 weeks) & a short sem (May - July, 9 weeks)! Our sem breaks are only around a month then it's back to sleepless nights ToT AND YES those weeks were the most stressful weeks ever 🥺😭 I'm glad I'm graduating soon for that reason 😂(though idk what awaits in the working world ToT that is another fear I have :/)

Thank you for being part of this journey and being open to listening to my lil adventures! 🥺🙆🏻‍♀️💖😭 esp w the amount of responses and ppl helping me, I feel a lil more motivated to work and excel in this pregnancy (thesis, I call it pregnancy cuz it's around 9 months too HEHE) Since the pandemic, it's been pretty hard separating studies & hobbies :/ I've learnt it the hard way from my period cramps last sem (mine's the severe type where you can faint ToT), and it was also on my last paper for finals !! Very traumatizing ._. but I'll continue to manage myself better! :3

Huhu Cat since you're working now, I also wanna ask abt yr experience in job seeking! Cuz unemployment is a real deal here esp. w everything that's going on :') I don't have working experience either (only had 1 through internship) and it literally feels like I'm going into the unknown ToT I've been running over some case studies and assessments just to better prep myself for this. Do you have any advice as someone who's already working? UwU

Take care and stay lovely as always!! 💖💖💖

hi, sweetpea !!!! 🌸 omg major congratulations for getting your ERB approved, honey bee !!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 that’s absolutely amazing, and I’m uber proud of you 🥺💗💗 also, it’s wonderful that you hit the required number of participants so quickly !!!!! (And I would love to participate if the questionnaire is still open 🤧)

AND HECK YEAAA CONGRATS ON PASSING THE FINAL TOO 🤩🤩🤩🤩 big congrats to you all around, miss smarty pants 💓💓💓

Oh gosh, I hope you got to rest during your semester break too ): you’re working so hard, please remember to take care of yourself !! 💕 your mental health is more important 🤍 have you finalized your proposal now? And omg yes exactly !!! It’s so interesting to see the thought process behind an action and how it can be manipulated or influenced by various stimulants or there’s also the argument between nature versus nurture too and how that affects psychology and it’s just all so cool to learn about 🤩

Omg you had so many symptoms, I’m so sorry to hear that 😭 I only had a sore arm, but that’s what happens when I get any shot 🤧 I hope you’re feeling better now 💘💘

I’m really glad to hear that the nurses and volunteers were kind and friendly !! it’s always comforting to have nice people as doctors, especially when you’re trusting them to stick a needle in you bshdjdjdkd omg yangyang to the rescue !!!! 💞💞 we’re not allowed to record record any medical appointments, like I think the nurse thought the person in front of me in line was recording when they were getting their vaccine and said they weren’t allowed to do that 😅 and aaaaa I always have to look when they inject me, I don’t like being taken by surprise 🤧

oh my gosh you were so productive over your semester break !!!! :o and oooo you do content & design for your school’s newsletter? Do you do stuff like graphic designing and write articles? 💓 and how was the financial planning course !! Did you learn a lot? Did you like the studies? :’)

aaaaa those topics sound so cool ??? 🤩🤩 I would definitely be down to read about those omg 💛

for my 3D design class, I decided to do lightbulbs and flowers as my overarching theme for my art pieces !! I included a couple pictures below under the cut at the bottom 💓 the first one is a soft sculpture made out of newspaper, and there’s a pencil next to it for size reference, the second one is made of wires that I shaped myself, and the third one is made of foam boards that I cut and assembled myself as well 💕 and I included a picture of my final painting project! it’s a triptych and I believe the size was like 18 x 24 for each one? If you click on the picture, it should be better quality!

omg I love green tea ice cream too !!!!! 🍵🍦 I like going to somi somi for their matcha and milk swirl ice cream with red bean taiyaki 💚 I only had thai milk tea ice cream once, but it was phenomenal 🤩 I wish they sold it near me too !! milk and biscoff :o I’ve never tried that flavor! I’ll have to see if it’s sold around here :’) green tea is my favorite, but I also really like everything but the... from Ben and Jerry’s !! 💛 also alcoholic ice cream.... like there’s this one kind where it was a breakfast esque type with vanilla, corn flakes, and bourbon, and it was delicious 😋

omg what 😭😭 you’re basically going to school year round with no break bahsjdjdjdkd when I was in uni, i had a month off for winter break (usually something like dec 9 - jan 9) and then mid june to mid September off, so around three months of summer vacation? Your school schedule sounds absolutely brutal 💀💀

and omg of course !!! Thank you for letting me be a part of the journey 🥺💗 bdjdjddj pregnancy omg that’s such an interesting way of seeing it :o sending you all my love and support for a successful delivery of your thesis baby 🥰🥰 oh yeah, it’s definitely been a struggle to separate everything, especially when the lines between home and workspace blur with online school or working from home. And oh my god ???? Are you okay ?? Did you go see a doctor or take any medication? I hope you’re feeling better now !! Please take care of yourself 😭

ah, I got my job through my internship, so I’m not sure how helpful I will be 😅 but during the process of interviewing for internships, there were several rounds for each company that range from a group interview, a one on one interview, video interview where they give you random questions that you have to answer on the spot (some of mine were discuss the stock market, give a sales pitch on something you’re interested in, etc), a test, etc. I think it’s different depending on the job you’re going for, but that’s what I had to do in the business field! It’s important to study and prep for all of this!! It’s like taking an verbal exam for one of your classes. And also make sure to study the company’s website and familiarize yourself with what they do/sell.

My one piece of overall advice would be about interviews! Interviews are important in which the person interviewing you is seeing if you’ll be a good fit with the company, not in terms of skill, but personality. They already know you’re qualified and have good skills - that’s how you got the interview. With the interview, they’re essentially trying to see how personable you are and if you will work well with their team. Some people are so intent on proving their skills that they kinda just rattle off all their achievements and whatnot, and it’s like... the interviewer already knows this, it’s all on the resume they reviewed when they decided to give the interview offer. Be friendly, open, maybe make a little small talk at the beginning (“hey, how are you? any weekend plans / how was your weekend?” This is what I did for all my business interviews, and I got an offer back from every one 🤧💗), make appropriate jokes / be a little funny, just show that you’d be a fun person to have in the office whom people will want on their team, but that you will also be dedicated to the job and work hard 💘

And thank you so much, honey bee!!! 💞 I hope you’re doing well and having a good week , and please take care as well 🌷🌷

[ivyglow]

yah I'm a reluctant switch lmao. I feel more comfortable when I take the lead but I try to be generous so I don't mind swapping but it is less intuitive to me.

to that anon: @tkachukme wrote an amazing piece a few days ago that featured Barzal as a sub and it was 🥵🥵🥵/10 (all her stuff is amazing tbh).

also I enjoy reading but I am rarely in the mood to ever do it. I used to read during my commutes (up to two hours in total) but now I don't have one, so that dedicated time and place is no longer there. I'm trying to learn Swedish to pass the time and I know a little, but without anybody to talk to about it it's hard - I struggle to form habits so I'm not the best at motivating myself. weirdly, I'm also bad at binging tv shows bc I get restless after a while and need to take breaks. this has all gotten much worse since last March :( I suppose I could try and finish the book I bought recently by the end of the month but that won't encourage me to read each day :/ I did promise the person who recommended it that I would tell them what I thought if it at least.

yeah this year has been rough for so many reasons but the fact that I'm at high risk of death from covid has had me behaving very strictly. as for my pronouns, she/her are work but I'm honestly not that attached to them so they/theirs work too I guess (I'm not rly attached to them either). thank you for asking 💖 what are yours? (if you don't mind me asking)

I miss hugging peoole :(

- 💮 anon

makes sense. I tend to be more sub, but at times you just need to be dominant yk

@othernonny you got your rec! go read it and let us know your thoughts <3 

I know nothing about Swedish :( but I think there are some ppl from Sweden in here, maybe you’re able to talk to them. Omg, I’m restless w tv shows too lol it must be really good to keep my attention for more than two hours. I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this lately, nonny. If it helps you can talk to me about things you did during your day/the book you’re reading etc if this helps somehow. Also, lmk if there’s something I can do to help <3 I’m one ask/pm away! 

okii, I’ll remember that <3 she/they works for me too. 

Same, meanwhile we’re internet hugging so I’m sending you a long, tight, warm hug <3 hope it gets to you! Soon we’re gonna be able to hug ppl again, just a couple more months