#sorry to be so straightforward but i really did not want to be alive

[scorpiontattoo]

also sorry for being away for so long I wanted to kms so bad that I got put in idiot fagboy jail . still there but like sillier.

waves at you guys I am in fact alive btw 👍 btws I need to update my pinned but like im a weird girlboy dog thing atp I don't really care but uh. she/he/it pronouns for me pretty please ^^

[max1461]

I'm pretty sympathetic to anti-deathist transhumanism, for the very straightforward reason that I don't want to die. In an ordinary sense I would be willing to prioritize my own life over a stranger's (e.g. in a self-defense situation) although I would feel sad about having to do so, and so I am not too convinced by arguments like "well, preventing natural death would stall social progress"—if that's true it's unfortunate, but it's less important to me than staying alive is, sorry.

On the other hand many anti-deathists hold a definition of "non-death" that I don't really think makes any sense. They want to be computationally reincarnated in a simulation or something. It's very... ok, the Neoplatonists believed in an immortal soul, but I gather that the Jews of the Second Temple period (and by extension Jesus) did not; when Jesus talked about eternal life in God's kingdom, he meant eternal bodily life in a physical kingdom presided over by God. And then the Neoplatonist idea got incorporated into the Christian tradition because Neoplatonism was really popular. Or something like that, I'm not a Bible scholar.

Anyway, I don't believe in computational reincarnation or whatever the fuck; when I say I don't want to die I just mean the normal, regular thing that non-Sci-Fi-nerds mean when they say "die". Where all your organs shut down and shit, and then they put you in a grave. I'd rather like to avoid that. Not that I think it's gonna happen, I'm pretty sure I'll die like everybody else. It's just that's not a beautiful part of the cycle of nature or whatever the fuck, it's a horrible tragedy every single time it happens to anybody. I hope I go kicking and screaming and clawing to life with every fiber of my being. "Accepting the inevitable" is... fine for other people, but to me it's a loser mentality.

[mrsnancywheeler]

Just imagine…Finnick and his sweet girls first time together, Finnick taking her virginity, wasn’t something that was created from a loving moment. It was created from the fear that Snow would take every single part of her, including something that many find important. It was a moment created from urgency, not pure passion. Of course passion and love was there…but…Finnick didn’t want her first time to be like his, no, he refused.

It’s one of the many thing he regrets…

-🌾anon

no, literally

triggers for trafficking mentions and nsfw

finnick regrets so much of what he did and how he acted after reader won her games. because he went into mentor mode, into trying to help her survive being a victor, a lifetime performer. and he didn't want her virginity to be stripped away from her by someone who would sexualize it as another perverted idea of her "innocent" allure.

and it's not something that just naturally fell in place or felt right, he asked because he wanted it to not be something traumatic to look back on, to protect you her as much as he could. but he looks back and wonders if that worked because she must looks back on it and think of it as something she felt like she had to do or have that moment with someone who didn't care at all.

i feel like finnick is very introspective and will look back on things in retrospect because he doesn't want to repest what he did if it hurt his sweet girl in any way.

"I'm sorry I didn't give you the first time you deserved."

"what?"

"I'm really sorry, angel, you deserved so much better."

"Finn, it's okay, you don't have to worry about me or that, it was fine."

"I do have to worry about you, sweet girl. That's what we do, worry about each other. And exactly, it was fine and I'm sorry for it."

"you don't have to be sorry about it."

"I do, I got you in this mess and you couldn't just have something organic, it was urgent, not just how you felt."

"if you're feeling a little down today we can go do something to make you feel better. I don't want you to be upset, Finn, I'm fine."

"don't do that!"

"do what?"

"deflect. I wanna know how really felt, how you really feel and you're trying not to hurt my feelings. like did I make you feel loved?"

"you did it so I wouldn't have to go through it with someone who didn't care about me like you do, of course I felt loved enough. I love you."

"I love you, angel. and feeling loved enough is different, which is okay, I just wish you'd be honest about things like that. I'm not gonna be upset with you if it you say it upset you, I could never, I just want the truth. was I soft enough? was the way I brought it up to crass?"

he always regrets bringing it all up again when his sweet girl is obviously hiding back tears and trying to stay composed. "finnick, it's okay, I don't want to talk about it right now." and he knew his sweet, sweet girl would never want to talk about it because it probably did hurt in some way and she'd never want to make him feel guiltier then he already did.

I think when he had brought it up though it was very straightforward after snow had announced the elite had the ability to buy your time and body.

"angel, are you still a virgin?"

"yeah." you'd croak out trying to be okay.

"do you want me with you first, before they use it against you? we don't have to angel, but I want you to know they don't have to take that from you too." but in a sense they did when you had to rush everything.

of course he was sweet and loving, but there was no heavy make out session leading into it, or going out together beforehand. he'd kiss you, tell you how much he loved you, but there was just a sense of melancholy in the air. and you'd been so quiet for a chunk of the time.

yes it had been out of love, but it would eat Finnick alive forever because his sweet girl deserved better, so much better then the hand dealt.

[knockoffheart]

newest member of the seven (2/6)

summary: a one on one with maeve, gaining homelander’s approval, you’re killing it!

warnings: it’s a “The Boys” fanfic… blood, gore, swearing, nudity, etc. Intended for 18+ ONLY, this chapter contains no smut. ALSO i write for myself and am low key new to writing so lower all expectations. <3

before you read: this story is written in second person, she/her pronouns are used, reader has female genitalia and identifies as female. the character is never referred to by name , but is a supe called “Replicate”, she has power-copying abilities.

“Sorry for what? That I’m possibly spending my last night alive crying on the kitchen floor?” You sigh, leaning into her palm.

“Maybe sorry that my super strength ruined your fridge and that pretty painting you have hanging up?” Maeve gave a weary smile.

You let out a laugh, “Now I’ll have to drink warm beer and stare at vandalism when I try to go to sleep.” The two of you stare at each other for a moment, it looks like she wants to say something, but she never spoke. You decided to instead.

“Why would he want to kill me? What did I even do?”.

“He’s… possessive. Insecure.” she shuffles uncomfortably. Though normally quite straightforward, she couldn’t get herself to tell you the truth. He can tell you have a crush on me. She feels a warm, tingling realization in herself and quickly pulls her hand away from your cheek. Pull yourself together, you’re gonna get her killed.

“Is this why everybody but Starlight has been a fucking asshole to me?” you blurt.

“ I wish the answer was yes,” she grabs two of the beer bottles that had fallen to the floor. She opens them and hands one to you. “I thought if I ignored you, you’d quit. You’d go back to whatever city you came from and I’d never have to see you again”. You stare at her and make a face.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” You take a swig of your beer.

“I wasn’t finished—I didn’t want you getting hurt, or.. killed. I thought if I ignored you, so would Homelander. And he did, up until now. He’s jealous of how quickly America has fallen for you, how everyone has…”. Her eyes meet yours, “Look, when we were recruiting you I could tell just how good you were… strong, smart, charismatic, beautiful-” she stops herself, faces forward, and finishes the rest of her beer. Her face tickled red with blush. “I didn’t want him to destroy that. Destroy you.”

“What about the others?” you scoot closer to her and rest your head on her bare shoulder. You could smell her perfume, some luxury brand’s vanilla scent you guessed. You lean in closer and sip your drink. She rests her head on top of yours and sighs.

“I told Deep if he touched you… I’d kill him. And A-Train.. he is just an asshole.” The two of you shared a laugh. You finished your beer and she set it aside for you. Your pinky grazed her hand before you finally got the courage to hold it. Your hand was barely touching hers, scared of your newfound strength. She smiled somberly and squeezed your hand. You turned to face her and reached to hold both of her hands, staring at her head on.

“Do you think he’s really going to kill me?”.

“I don’t know. That’s why you need to leave. Tonight. Please.” she brought your hands to her mouth, you could feel her breath blowing across your fingers. She pressed a small kiss into your hand, and began to stand and leave. You were left on your knees, staring up at her.

“Please.” was the last thing she said before she disappeared into the elevator. You remained on the floor, finally letting your tears free. Choking back sobs you rose, slightly unstable and headed towards the shower.

-

You pampered yourself with all the products Vought had provided in your suite, taking extra care to remove all the glitter from the earlier interview. ‘I’m just their fucking circus animal.’ You scrub your face harder at the thought, then shut off the water, snapping the handle in the process. “Fuck off.” you muttered as you drop the hunk of metal onto the shower floor. You step out and grab a towel. The softness of it grounds you for a minute, but when you look into the mirror and meet your own eyes the image of the ad from before flashes in your mind. ‘You’re just a DOLL! A NEW TOY VOUGHT LOVES TO PLAY WITH!’ White hot rage floods your vision as your thoughts continued to race. When you came to, the mirror was shattered and shards covered the counter. You huffed and went to put on your nightwear.

Anger still boiling inside, you grab the TV remote and power it on. A re-run of a recent Homelander interview is playing.

“How about the newest member of the Seven, Replicate, I mean she’s been blowing up on social media everywhere! Tell me, what is it like working along side her?” the too-chummy interviewer asked.

“Well. I haven’t personally been on any missions with her but I’m sure she’ll be a great teammate when she has time in her schedule — I mean a new show takes a lot out of a person.” Homelander commented, his hands gripped tightly onto his thighs.

“Any spoilers you can hint to, Homelander Does she copy your powers? A-Trains? Noirs?!”

“Hah..” he was tense, “ I’d like to see her try.” He jokingly punched the reporters arm.

The interview continued but all you could hear was a ringing in your ears, your fist clenched and unclenched before you let out a guttural growl, screaming and soaring your fist through the wall. Over and over again, unrelenting, you only stop when there is nothing left to hit.

“Fuck you.” you spit, glaring back the the TV which was now playing an ad for The Deep’s newest audio book.

Try to fucking kill me, asshole. You shook the drywall off your fist and laid down in your bed, passing out from exhaustion at some point.

-

You wake up, gasping. The first hints of sunrise trickling in through your window. Your bedroom looks like the aftermath of a frat party, groaning you get ready for the meeting. You’re ready to face Homelander and whatever shit he was about to put you through, but your hand still trembles as you go to put on mascara. Recollecting the sensations, smells, and images from last night sent a wave of adrenaline throughout your body. Jesus… c’mon pull yourself together. You try to push the thoughts of Maeve to the back of your mind, promising yourself you’d revisit them later — if you survive.

You are the second member to arrive at the meeting table. The Deep is there, sat awkwardly in his chair. He stares you down. You take the seat farthest away from him and sit with your legs crossed, looking around at all the things you’ve only caught glances of. The Deep clears his throat and shuffles in his seat.

“So you finally got the green light? About time. I figured you were always too busy doing girl shit. Brushing your hair or whatever.” He huffs and rolls his eyes.

Stunning intellect. Smiling, you reply, “Homelander invited me last night, we had a great chat. I hope you finally start to see me as one of you. I feel lucky to be in a room with such talented heros.”

He titters, intrigued by your mentioning of Homelander and the not so subtle boost of his ego. He rises from his seat and starts to cross towards you.

“You know… I could always help you train sometime. Just the two of-“. He’s cut off by the sound of a throat clearing. You both turn towards the door, Maeve enters with her eyes staring daggers at the man next to you.

“Woah! Chill… Not touching her!” he raises his hands up defensively and sulks back to his seat. A-Train and Black Noir enter shortly after. She takes the seat next to you, and turns her harsh gaze to you.

“What the fuck are you doing?” She rasps.

“I-“

“Ahh - Replicate so glad to see you could make it. It’s about time you joined us, I mean you are one of the Seven after all.” Homelander’s voice booms through the meeting room.

Starlight enters in the middle of his speech. Your eyes meet briefly as she takes her seat. She instantly turns towards Maeve. She furrows her brows and subtly motions to you. Maeve gives no response and crosses her arms, eyes now watching Homelander’s every move.

You stand, “Thank you, Homelander. I’m truly honored to serve.” You place your hands over your heart and sit back down. Worm your way in. Worm your way in. If you could get him to believe you were truly submissive to him, you might get out of this unharmed.

“As you all know, someone has been supplying our enemies with Compound V. Temp V specifically, which is being made solely here in this tower. In our own Vought Tech labs.” He puts his arms behind his back and leans on the balls of his feet, “Which, sadly, means it’s most likely an inside job. I mean, how could someone betray me like that — us like that?” He shakes his head and scans across the table, eyes eventually meeting yours.

“Replicate, for your first mission, I want you to find this traitor and eliminate them. You’d be doing something none of the other members could accomplish. I know you won’t let me down.” He clasps his hands together and smiles, “Of course you’ll be granted access to any supe’s power you need to get your grubby little hands on, you’ve been granted access to the labs — go wild!” He tosses a flash drive to you. “Meeting dismissed.”

>back

>next

[universesweetheart]

Your Umbrella (Dazai x Reader)

I love him. My baby, my love, my sunshine is safe and happy in my bed.

Wrote this before watching today's new episode! This feels rushed because I was too excited for the new episode to wait to write it out. Sorry babes, Dazai is my top priority.

Post episode Mars: I giggled and kicked my feet like a little girl! That was some gay shit, but HELLO DAZAI IS ALIVE! My babyboo ahh.

(Also did you guys see the chapter236 JJK leaks?! I shall write for Gojo...I'm coping)

Writing is how I cope.

In which we talk with Dazai while we both overlook the setting sun (see what I did there hehe)

Bye now - Mars ♡

Together on a bench, onlooking the sunset, you and Dazai sat in silent. The rays of the warm sunlight pleasant on your skin and face. The clouds, a pretty colour of orange and yellow. The blue contrast of the sky blended nicely.

“Why are you a detective?” you asked Dazai, you were in a sulky mood today, you felt… drifty, for lack of a better word. It was one of those days where you wake up and question your existence. Why were you you? Why did you want to do this job? Why did your life turn this way?

Dazai shifted his gaze to you, his eyes looking at yours. He let out a silent sigh before giving you a smug smile.

“Don’t I look like I belong here? Plus it’s quite interesting” He looked up at the pretty clouds and then muttered under his breath, “This job comes naturally to me”

“Brushing my teeth comes naturally to me but that’s because I’ve done it a million times” you stated, and you heard him chuckle.

“I suggest you don’t compare your little daily routine to my life darling” he snorted, eyes still on the sunset.

“Do you take pride in your job?”, you continued to probe. Your mind was curious, but your heart wasn’t. Your heart feared triggering him and making him angry, a product of your own troubled past. But you knew Dazai, you wanted to believe you did, and he wouldn’t snap like that. He was too much of an unserious person. But what if?

Dazai gave a small nod, confirming your assumption. He turns to look at you, “it’s because of my job that I’ve been able to accomplish many things” his smile smug, “Impressive, yes? Heh.”

“Many things like?” You seem to not take the hint to not go further but you couldn’t stop yourself.

“Handling guns” he jokes and you chuckle, it wasn’t even funny. His voice just made everything sound giddy.

“Have you accomplished happiness?” you tilt your head and look back at him.

Dazai freezes up but quickly basks it with a little laugh and turns backed to face the sun. A desperate attempt to avoid your eyes. “Do I look unhappy?” he muses, his voice teasing.

“I’d rather not judge a book by its cover. You tell me.”

Dazai laughs, “What a curious thing you are, asking me such a thing” he smiles, it’s not pretty you think.

“Should I be irritated by your little question or find it funny how straightforward you are” He asks you with a little smirk. When you don’t answer and just stare at him, he adds “Happiness had abandoned me, I’ll say, a very long time ago.”

Abandonment? Was this the closest Dazai will ever allow you to be? Desperate and lovesick, you grabble at any piece of crumbs he gives. It’s pathetic. You attempt to keep your cool, but you’re sure he knows how you really feel. He seems to always know everything.

“Doesn’t that contradict the philosophy ‘Happiness is found inside of us’?”

Dazai glances at you for a moment, then back to the sun, he let out a small hum of interest. You really had a way of surprising him, not that he’d ever let you know that.

“I suppose so, however the happiness I’m searching for cannot be reached. I assure you that.”

You stole a glance at his face, he seems to be reminiscing on something. Or maybe that was just another façade to lead you astray from his true feelings.

“Why not?”

With a bit of hesitation, he smiles, eyes bright. A change that catches you off guard, Dazai shifts closer to you. The edge of his trench coat brushing up against your pants. He lowers his voice several octaves, almost in a forbidden whisper, “Because I am searching for one thing that cannot be obtained.”

Your eyebrows shot up, “And what’s that? Dinosaurs?”, a futile attempt to lighten up the conversation. You wanted so badly a shred of him, the real him, but now that you think you’re getting it, you’re not sure. You’re running away.

Dazai laughs amused by your response, the corners of his eyes crinkling up as he closes them, letting the laughter overtake him. “Good observation, but no” he clicks his tongue playfully, “To put it simply. I am searching for one thing to fill…” he sighs out and shakes his head a little.

“Ah” he giggles, “I’m not sure what I’m searching for” he deflects. He doesn’t know if he should share, if he could bare to say it out loud. Because to say it out loud would mean to admit it. To acknowledge it.

Bullshit. You knew it was a lie. He was a liar. Damn your heart for falling for him.

Looks at him, “It’s okay” you said with a sigh, “I’m searching for myself in a way,” you decided to turn the conversation on you to avoid going to go down the road of awkwardness.

“The thing…I’m searching for doesn’t exist, love doesn’t exist.” He sounded like he was in pain. Like it pained him to say that. To tell you that. You find yourself feeling guilty, did you pressure him?

“Love isn’t limited, so again, why?” you continue.

Once again for the multiple time, Dazai laughs “Curious little thing indeed” he turns to look at you, “Think you have a chance, Bella?”

You find your face heating up and keeps your eye on the sun to avoid his gaze.

“Do you think you could meet my standards? They’re quite high” he teases and once again you think he’s deflecting. A big distraction to avert your eyes from peering at him.

He holds his head up high, his gaze on you unwavering. You aren’t looking at him, but the intensity of his eyes pins you to this old bench.

“Are they high to protect your heart?” you blurt you before you even knew what you were saying. “Sorry!” you instantly apologize.

Dazai was surprised by your statement, yes that was exactly what it was. He stayed silent for a moment, contemplating your words. “Perhaps,” he sighs, shall I take a chance? He questions himself, a battle between his brain. “I have set out expectations that I’m even unsure about myself.” He spoke and then stayed silent. He waited for your next words. His heart was pounding yet his face had a smug smile.

“Expectations are like umbrellas, they stop rain and sun from reaching us” you state, and then laughs.

“Indeed, but what’s your point?”

“Rain is like pain, yes your umbrella, your walls, protect you from it” you cross a leg over the next, eyes drinking in the sunlight. “But you miss out on the warm sun too.”

Dazai ponders to himself for a moment. It appears you’ve managed to grasp a greater sense of him. Did he underestimate you? No, he wouldn’t be so careless. “Quite the profound analogy you have there, it’s fascinating.” He smiles at you, “How did you come to this conclusion, might I ask?”

“You know, I like sun especially in the mornings and evenings, it’s like a warm hug” you fiddle with your shirt, “but I also like rain, though sometimes storms are too harsh for my umbrella.”

Dazai observed you for a while, the silence between you two comfortable. He noticed the light pink tinting your cheeks and the way you avoided his eyes. You had intrigued him, maybe he truly had a soft spot for you.

The silence was not comfortable for you, did you overstep? Did he find your analogy dumb? Your mouth acted on its own, “I always use my umbrella” you stated, “But one harsh storm broke it, and I was drenched with a skeleton of an umbrella” your eyes have this faraway look, he notes.

“And then the sun hit me and I wasn’t ready and I was scared” you breathe out, closing your eyes. Dazai thinks the sight is better than the setting sun, “But it dried up my wet clothes and wet skin and wet hair. It felt warm and…yellow” you laugh softly, “yellow is such a beautiful colour, yes?”

He hums, “Are you saying that you decided to get rid of your protection and walk and bask in the sunlight that you so adore” his voice is light and teasing. His eyes laser focused on you as if you’d burst open and come up with a new revelation.

“Yes, sun being metaphor for love. Rain for pain, umbrella for protective walls and wet for I guess, depression?” you break down your words, trying to make him understand. He already understands, he just loves your voice so much.

“To translate from my understanding, you’re saying you choose love regardless of the costs?” you nod.

“You fascinate me,” he admits boldly, “Do you have someone in mind?”

“Someone in mind?”

“For love, the person you choose will be a caliber of that, do you?” He shifts his eyes to the clouds. A blissful sight.

“When I say sun is love I don’t speak of lovers. I would say I’m my own sun. A lover would be a mirror, reflecting to me how bright my own sun shines.” Your lips presses together into a thin line.

“A mirror, I see” he chuckles. “Oh, you curious little thing” he smiles.

“Then can we test this?”

“Test what?”

“Let go of your umbrella and let me be your mirror,” he takes a hold of your hand, “Belladonna,”

“Osamu”

His heart stops when you whisper his given name. It sounded so beautiful falling from your lips. “Say it again” he leans in and connects your lips together.

[crushedsweets]

SUCKER suckerrrr snap out of it by arctic monkeys is sooo ninakate suckerr trust

i'm so ill. my hands shake and crack as i imagine ninakate living out their life. give me a moment to process. as per usual, im writing this as if i was planning out a one-shot song-fic.

someone remind me to do this with kill the director eventually

ok to begin. the song is from kates perspective to nina.. im imagining its after theyve had their weird little 'meaningless' kisses. IN THIS STORY, SHE KINDA LINGERS BACK TO JEFF ON AND OFF... also this is mostly sad theres barely a good ending im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry

nina is well integrated into the kate, clocky, toby, EJ friend group by this point. but every time she spends a few weeks trying to "work things out" with jeff, she's completely off in her own world. she withdraws from her friends, half cuz she's so focused on 'fixing' the doomed relationship and half cuz she's so embarrassed that she keeps going back and i think that shit is SOUL CRUSHING to kate. she hasn't had feelings for someone since . . . lauren . . . and she finally gets fragments of romance again, only for nina to constantly wander off after leading her on. also heavy on the 'fell in love, or near enough' cuz what nina and jeff has is not love 'i gotta tell you the truth' its eating kate alive. she doesnt really talk emotions and she never tells people what to do, but she just wants to scream bro.

i think toby, clocky, and ej have already exhausted themselves telling nina to give it up. EJ has tried gentle pieces of advice, clocky has bickered back and forth, and toby has outright screamed at nina to STOP GOING BACK TO HIM. and none of it did anything. but kate doesnt tell people what to do. the most she would do is raise a brow at nina and sigh and shake her head. i think this would eventually be a good bonding moment for kate and toby, where she confides in him about feeling like she missed her shot. toby tells her that she's never gonna 'miss her shot' ... especially w a girl as messy as nina...cuz evidently jeff did all that and still didnt miss HIS shot. LMFAO... but he'd encourage kate to get her shit together and just talk to nina about it. and for some reason nobody listens to tobys damn advice so kate just sits and waits.

ok this is just very straightforward. kate is constantly mulling over it and pissed and sad and bummed out. (oddly enough, tobys relieved to see her stressing over crushes instead of like.... being torn apart from the inside by a cryptic entity)

'it sounds like settling' down or givin' up, but it don't sound much like you, girl' OK i think this line works for kate AND nina.

toby would be saying something like this to kate. its kind of warped, cuz i think when kates in the chaser mode, she does not give up. she is persistent and she attacks with a goal. he's watched the chaser run to the brink of exhaustion, to the point where kate was bed ridden afterwards. SO WHY WOULD SHE GIVE UP ON SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS A GIRL ?!?!?!

and in turn, kate would be thinking this towards nina. settling down doesnt seem like nina. giving up is also not like nina cuz she is also quite persistent until feelings fade... which frustrates kate cuz she gets stuck in this loop of 'even if she were to leave jeff, why would she settle for me? why would she stay with me? there's no point in getting deeper into this'

kate would eventually have to snap, as stories go. grabbing nina and confessing, going on about how fucking dumb nina is being. honestly, kate would probably accidentally choke out things she heard from EJ, clocky, and toby all scolding nina... which would either upset nina, or feel like a full circle moment where FINALLYYYYY all the shit that she's been told all this time has come together. and finally she can be like oh.... this is really embarrassing for me...... also oh my god wait

the idea of kate writing nina a letter. oh my god. wait. GUSY WAIT FUCK KATE WRITING NINA A LETTER WAIT FUCK FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK KATE WRITES HER A LETTER THATS CANON NOW IM SORRY IM SORRY IMSORRY

[volkodava]

Hello my Tumblr friends! Some of you liked the idea of Postapocalypse!AU, as well as the Junpei design I drew earlier. So I pulled myself together and drew portraits for the entire main cast of characters. I must say that they here are closer to the age of P4AU. It was challenging but fun to come up with designs and backstories for them that overlapped with the originals. Although I still haven't thought through some details… But I hope you will enjoy!

FeMC/Minako/Kotone

Yes, this AU uses a female protagonist. She emerged from the Wasteland and all she knows is that she had some important mission. She is cheerful and always believes in the best. There are "XXII"-shaped scars on both sides of her head, similar to a brand. She seems to know what this is supposed to mean, but she won't tell anyone.

Status: Unknown

Yukari

The best long-range power of SEES. She lost her father due to the fault of Mitsuru's father. She was looking for Mitsuru to take revenge, but instead she found her best friend. She can often be bitchy and sometimes too straightforward, but no one heals other people’s wounds better than her. She received a scar on her face from an unsuccessfully broken bow string.

Status: Alive

Junpei

He makes bad jokes and swears a lot to hide his insecurities. Creates chaos almost everywhere it appears. He seems rude and ill-mannered, although he is a hopeless romantic at heart. But if you really make him angry, he destroys everything in his path (ask Takaya and Jin, oh no, sorry, no one will ask them anymore). Ultimately, his concern for Chidori allows him to shed his clown mask and show a different side of himself.

Status: Alive

Fuuka

A mechanic girl found by SEES in a sand labyrinth. She suffers from strabismus, but this did not stop her from completely restoring Aigis and collecting several more useful items for SEES. Has a phenomenal memory. Probably the only one who never started a conflict first.

Status: Alive

Aigis/A.I.G.I.S.

Initially, it was a cleaning robot, on which someone put a yellow wig and a ribbon. It rusted in a landfill for a long time until FeMС found it. Gradually he begins to become interested in the world around him and acquires a desire to find out what a person is and how to be one.

Status: Functioning

Mitsuru

Official leader of SEES. Several years ago, during a shelter fire, she lost her father and was injured herself. She hides the burned part of her face under her hair. She is cold and difficult to compromise, but always acts as a negotiator between gangs of raiders, trying to extract the maximum benefit. Has many useful connections in Port Island.

Status: Alive

Akihiko

Fan of fights without rules. More reasonable and less impulsive than Junpei, but if the two of them are together, then somewhere nearby there is trouble that they got into. Lost his little sister in a shelter fire and still tries to drown out those memories with alcohol. He often misses Shinjiro. Perhaps he was Mitsuru's partner a couple of times, but in the Wasteland no one cares who sleeps with whom.

Status: Alive

Shinjiro

A wandering raider that periodically joins SEES and then leaves. Akihiko's former friend. Little emotional. Lost an eye in one of the raider skirmishes. He tends to evaluate people by their usefulness to society, but in the end he admits that he was wrong too often. For some time he was dependent on Strega's help, but later this developed into enmity. Alas, this did not end well.

Status: Dead

Ken

Practically the “son of the regiment”, he was found at one of the temporary sites along with the body of his deceased mother and taken into the care of SEES. Refused to move to Port Island, choosing to stay in the shelter. Having already seen a lot of things he shouldn't have seen, he wants to become stronger to change the world. Gets close to Shinjiro, reading him as a fatherly/brotherly figure. Nevertheless, he gets very angry when he is overprotected.

Status: Alive

Koromaru

Good boy. One day he just showed up at the shelter and everyone just accepted it. He warned everyone about the attacks several times, after which he received a collar and his own bowl. A good fighter, he always follows those who go on forays into the Wasteland. Perhaps the only one who simply enjoys life.

Status: Alive

[fallingforunrealisticromance]

High for love pt2 - Sherlock x reader

Masterlist

Requests

Word count: 2453

Warnings: Swearing

****= time skip

A/N: This is the last part, i'm not planning on doing a part 3. Hope you enjoy :)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been almost two weeks since you’d stormed out of Sherlocks apartment. You hadn’t spoken to him since that night, despite him texting and calling numerous times. You just couldn’t bring yourself to face him. Either he knew about your feelings and chose to mess with you, or he didn’t remember confessing his love. You weren’t sure which was worse, but you didn’t want to deal with either scenario. So, you ignored him. Your life suddenly felt quite lonely. No Tom, no sherlock, no john; the only other person you’d seen this week apart from your colleagues at work was an amazon delivery driver. Christ that’s depressing.

You sat on your sofa, staring vacantly out the window trying to decide for the hundredth time what to do. Sherlock was a persistent man, there was no way you could avoid him forever. In fact, you were surprised he hadn’t come to your flat yet to force you to talk to him. Maybe he didn’t care enough? Before any more self-deprecating thoughts could swirl round in your paranoid mind, your phone rang. It was Mary.

“Hello” you said, lifting the phone to your ear.

“Ah so you are alive” Mary joked, making you chuckle stiffly.

“Yeah, uh I guess I just haven’t been on my phone much. Sorry if I worried you or anything.”

“You should be, I’ve had to stop the boys breaking down your door at least 3 times already” She said light heartedly.

You smiled at the thought of her battling John and Sherlock. Also, at the fact that they cared.

“I appreciate you doing that Mary. I really am sorry I’ve been gone.” Your tone was regretful as you spoke, fidgeting with the hem of a blanket that rested over your legs.

“I don’t know what happened to make you disappear, but I do know that I don’t want you dealing with this alone anymore. I would have reached out sooner but I wanted to give you space to decide how to handle whatever it is.”

“That means a lot to me, genuinely. I’m glad you called though”

“Look why don’t we meet up? We can grab a coffee or go for a walk and you can tell me what’s going on, how about it?” She offered.

You smiled, a weight feeling like it was lifted off your chest.

“Coffee sounds perfect.”

“Brilliant, I’ll come and pick you up in 20 minutes?”

“Yeah okay, see you then” You say before hanging up the phone.

You were glad to be leaving the house, but more so because it meant seeing Mary. The two of you became best friends almost instantly when her and john got together. She just got you in a way no one else did and vice versa. You loved her like a sister, and you couldn’t be happier to have her in your life.

*******************************************************************

“So, he actually told you he loved you? Like he’s in love with you?” Mary questioned as the two of you sat on a bench by the river, each with a coffee cup in hand.

“Yep, he just blurted it out like it was nothing” You sighed. “I don’t even know if he knows he said it, I just…I don’t know how I’m supposed to talk to him again”

Mary nodded, her eyes full of sympathy. “I get it, he’s a complicated man Sherlock”

You scoffed “Yeah you can say that again.”

“But, in some ways, he can also be pretty simple” Mary continued.

You furrowed your brow at her “Okay so that makes no sense”

“All I’m saying is if you just sit down with him and have a straightforward conversation, he’ll listen. I mean, he listens to you more than any of us half the time anyway” She replied, nudging your arm playfully.

“No, he doesn’t” You say with a small chuckle.

“Well why do you think Mycroft called you in the first place? Because Sherlocks cares what you think and listens to you even if he’s being completely irrational” Mary reasoned.

You thought about it for a moment. Could she be right? She had a point with Mycroft calling you – he never contacts you normally.

“Oh my god you’re right” Your voice coming out just above a whisper.

“Well nothings new there” She joked.

“So, so what do I do? Just turn up at his place and say ‘hey you may not remember but you proclaimed your love for me, and I just wanted you to know that I’ve been in love with you since I met you and it’s the whole reason I broke up with my boyfriend. Anyway, have a nice day’” You say sarcastically, throwing your hands in the air.

“Yes.” Mary replied shortly.

“Oh-“ You stared at her, nerves filling your body.

The more you thought about it, the more you realized you had nothing to lose. You were already avoiding him like the plague, how could this conversation really make anything worse.

“Fuck it” You gulp down the rest of your coffee. “Let’s go then.”

*****************************************************************

The entire time there you could feel your nerves starting to bubble over.

“Mary I really don’t know if this is a good idea-"

“Shut up, you’re doing this. For all our sakes” She encouraged, pushing you towards the door.

She used her key that john had given her to let the pair of you in.

“I haven’t even called, what if he doesn’t want to see me? I wouldn’t love it if someone just barged into my flat after ignoring me for two weeks.” You mumbled as she continued to push you into the building.

“He won’t care, its sherlock. He has people coming in and out all the time.”

You continued to bicker as she pulled you up the stairs. You could try to make a run for it, but Mary was faster and stronger than you and you could imagine she wouldn’t even hesitate to drag you back here.

“Mary please, please let’s not do this” You begged in a hushed tone

“Hi boys, look who I found” Mary announced loudly as she pushed to door open to their flat.

Before you had a moment to think, she pulled you in front of her, so you were standing in the living room you’d grown to love. John and Sherlock were sat in their chairs, both staring at you with a slight look of shock on their face as Mary stood behind you beaming at them. No one said anything.

“uh…Hi” You internally cringed at how awkward you sounded.

“Hey…” John replied sounding unsure as his eyes flickered over to sherlock, who was still staring rather intently at you.

You couldn’t look at him, you didn’t know what to say.

“So, John and I have to go talk to Mrs. Hudson but you two stay here, have a nice catch up and we’ll see you later” Mary said, grabbing john by the arm as she pulled him out of his chair.

You heard john muttering something about leaving his paper in the flat as Mary led him away. The silence in the room was crippling. You felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“So…” You said as you took a step towards the sofa.

You could’ve sat in johns chair, but that was too close to sherlock, and you needed to be able to think clearly for this conversation.

“Listen i-“ “How have you-“ You both spoke at the same time.

You looked over at him, laughing slightly at the nervousness between you two.

“You go” You said softly.

“No, no you go first” He replied.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. You took a deep breath, running your hands along your thighs anxiously.

“First I just want to say I’m sorry for barging in like this, Mary talked me into it” You joked. “But also, I’m sorry for ignoring you. It’s just, something happened that night. I don’t even know if you remember but you were high, and Mycroft had called me to come over and check on you. And you said…“

Your voice trailed off as you looked at the floor. “You said you-“

“I know what I said.” Sherlocks voice was low, smooth.

Your eyes snapped up to look at him, your heart beating a mile a minute. He wasn’t looking at you as he sat there, one leg crossed over the other with his hands resting against the arm of the chair. He just stared in front of him, never wavering.

“You do?” Your voice sounded so weak compared to his.

“Of course, I do. I remember everything.” The slight arrogance in his voice annoyed you, but you chose to ignore it for the moment.

“But you were high, like ridiculously so.”

“Darling, I’m somewhat of an addict in case you hadn’t noticed. I’ve kind of built up a tolerance over the years” He replied with a chuckle.

The term of endearment made your stomach flutter.

“Then why did you say it? Were you just trying to hurt me, because job well done if you were” You spoke, the irritation now evident in your tone.

Finally, his eyes moved to meet yours. His brow creased in confusion as he scanned your face.

“What? No… why would I ever want to hurt you?”

You stayed silent, feeling your face flush red with embarrassment. You broke his gaze, looking down at your hands instead.

“You thought I didn’t mean it.” He stated after a moment.

A heavy silence continued to hang in the air. You wanted to say something, to reply to him but your voice died in your throat. You heard him get up from his chair, his footsteps heading in your direction. Suddenly his feet came into your view as he crouched down in front of where you sat on the sofa. You felt his finger and thumb gently under your chin, guiding your eyes to meet his.

“You thought I didn’t mean it?” It was more of a question this time, his tone soft as his eyes scanned yours.

You nodded.

“How could you?” Your voice was barely louder than a whisper.

“How could i? I think the question you should be asking is how I could not. You have the most beautiful mind, and the kindest heart. You’ve stood by my side through everything and have never once made me feel like an outcast, like a freak. You came into my life and welcomed everything about me without hesitation. When I’m around you, I feel like I can finally take a breath. Like nothing else matters. And I don’t think I’ve ever felt that sort of peace in my life before.” As he spoke, he gently reached out and tucked a stray hair behind your ear caressing your cheek softly as he did so.

You were frozen, eyes wide as you stared back at him. You couldn’t process what you were hearing. Sherlock Holmes, a man of logic and facts, was knelt before you baring his heart out.

“I tried to hide how I felt, to ignore it. I didn’t want to complicate things between us. And in truth, I feared I would lose you. I decided it was better to be in love with you in secret and to keep you in my life, rather than love you pubically and potentially lose you. Selfish I know, but it seemed the best option at the time. Especially when you were with Tom. But I guess I sort of lost that filter when I was high” He chuckled slightly, a smile appearing on your face as he did.

“Yeah, I guess you did.” You replied.

“I am so sorry that you thought I had said it to hurt you.” His eyes flashed with guilt as he spoke.

“No, no you have nothing to apologize for. I shouldn’t have shut you out. I should have listened to you. I’m sorry.” You felt awful, knowing what you must have put him through.

“Hey, look at me” You lifted your eyes once more. “I don’t care. Not anymore. Not now I have you here in front of me.” The corner of his mouth lifted into a smile as he looked at you lovingly.

You smiled, leaning forward to rest your head against his shoulder. You felt his arms wrap around you, holding you close to him. One of his hands threaded its way through your hair, gently stroking you. You hummed happily at the feeling.

“You like that?” He asked, a smug tone in his voice.

“Mhm” You responded, burying your head into the crook of his neck.

“I’ll remember that for future reference.” He commented with a small laugh.

The two of you stayed like that for a moment, just enjoying the feeling of each other’s embrace.

“Just to check, this means you feel the same right?” Sherlock asked, breaking the silence.

You pulled back so you could look at him. You burst out laughing realizing you hadn’t actually said it back.

“Oh my god of course I do. The whole reason I broke up with tom is because I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for months you idiot.” You nudge him playfully, causing him to laugh with you.

“Okay good well I was just making sure”

“If there’s one thing you never have to doubt Sherlock, it’s my love for you” You reply, grinning at him.

“I can say the same to you darling.” He leant in, his hand on your cheek.

Your arms wrapped around his neck as you pulled him closer, his lips meeting yours. They were soft and gentle against yours; you’d never felt anything more perfect. You melted against him, your hands threading through his raven curls.

“Thank god for that” A voice from the doorway made you both jump, pulling away from each other.

“I told you it would work out.”

You turned to see a smug looking Mary and John beside her, looking rather relieved.

“Does that mean you’re going to stop ignoring us now?” John asked, looking at you.

“No, I thought I’d just tell sherlock I loved him, kiss him and then disappear again” You replied sarcastically, earning an eye roll from john.

“As if I would ever let that happen.” Sherlock commented, his hand squeezing your thigh playfully.

“Oh god, I do not need to see that” John grimaced before heading to the kitchen.

You laughed before leaning in and placing another quick kiss on the detective’s lips.

“I’m not going anywhere Sherlock, don’t worry.”

“Good” He sat next to you on the sofa, pulling you to him so your head rested on his chest. “I love you too much to watch you walk away.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope that was okay!!

@mysticwitchcraftco

[tgrailwar-zero]

I mean, you did call us the devil, wouldn't the company of a demon be pretty fitting?

You could practically hear him roll his eyes.

ARCHIVIST: "Mhm."

Any other attempts at banter were met with a brick wall. It seemed like he had said his piece, and didn't exactly care enough to hold a conversation.

It was at this point that you realized that AVENGER had also walked off.

...Guess that meant it was time to get going.

As you were shooed off by the ARCHIVIST (or left before he had a chance to, at least), it was just you and the cards.

The card really was self-explanatory. It had the name of the section blinking on it, and served as a quiet GPS to lead you there. It was very useful. And, when you found the second you needed, you noticed that the shelves moved and shifted and all you had to do was put in either the specific name of a book, or the topic, and it would get you started.

Reading was… well, uneventful if you didn't enjoy research, but great if you did.

There wasn't really much here that differed from what SIGURD had told you regarding the Moon Cell specifically, which wasn't a ton to begin with.

The Moon Cell was a natural phenomenon, Magi flocked to it, Holy Grail War, Titan attack.

It goes into some detail concerning a Great Lunar Ritual, with experience prompting that it was supposedly what the locals referred to the Grail War as. A free-for-all, with 999 preliminary participants that eventually got pared down to 128 Masters and Servants, fighting for the 'Holy Grail' within the Moon. Golden kings, massive mechanized warriors, so on so forth.

And then there was more of what SIGURD told you.

The Titan attacked, and the Holy Grail War went from a Free-for-All to an actual War, at least with the Servants and Masters both alive and willing to participate. An coalition called 'The Lunar Sea Council', headed by the heir to the West European Plutocracy, brought together Wizards and warriors alike.

In your research, you reach a bit of a hitch.

You find a message tucked in the data- opening it up. A knight, blond with shining armor, spoke quietly.

SERVANT: "I may get in some trouble for this…Caster, sorry, 'The Priestess' wants us to move on. Karna and I are the only ones that remember still. The others are new, fresh, told that this world is the only one that matters until she awakens. To sit on our laurels for now, and await her to gather up all of the power she can before engaging the Titan."

SERVANT: "I do not blame her. Our current situation is terrifying. They snuffed out Excalibur before it could even begin to shine, and my sword pales in comparison. To be told to sit and wait is irritating, but I can't argue. We're backed against a wall. Wanting a fresh start- a facade of normalcy... "

SERVANT: "Still… Leo… one day, I will return to the home front, and destroy that Titan for you. I won't move on- I won't forget. Not yet. Not until I can proudly face you when we meet again."

GAWAIN: "I, Gawain, promise you that."

The message ends. Quietly. You stew in that quiet for a moment, with the knowledge that the Servant in that message- as brave and caring as he was- never made it back to the Moon. The Interlopers and their Servants killed him. Culled him before his dream could be realized.

With that- you continue reading.

The rest of the reading is pretty straightforward. Again, mostly rehashing what SIGURD had relayed to you with some extra details.

A Heavenly Divinity, having reduced herself to the status of a Heroic Spirit, made a stand against the Titan. Using her immense power, she established a barrier between the remnants of humanity and the great titan, building a new world where life flourished- though the moon remained barren, kept ever vigil by the Lair Servants that protect the new barrier, the new world known as the 'Solar Cell' from harm.

If anything, the most interesting piece of information was the utter lack of information regarding the Moon. No True Names, no names of participating Wizards, no details about the Ritual or what exactly the 'Holy Grail' the magi were hunting for was. The titan attacked, but outside of it being great and terrible and that it had been deterred by the Heavenly Divinity, there really wasn't much else... which, considering how dense this Archive was, there should be something... right?

Regardless, that was all you could find for now.

You put down the books you had, before realizing you weren't alone. There was someone… very close to your immediate vicinity.

In other words, that was a lot of chest.

...You looked up at the head attached to the aforementioned chest.

PLAYBOY (NO SENSE OF PERSONAL SPACE): "Ga… wain…"

Now- running into a handsome, sensitive man in the library? If this was a different genre, this might count as a 'meet-cute'. Perhaps a 'romance flag'. For now, it was just a 'meet', and the 'cute' was really up to interpretation considering the opinions of your twisted amalgamated mind(s), and the color of the flag currently raised here was to be determined.

[canyonkingdom]

you're all going to hell two

(chapter 2, part 2)

tw: $3lf-h@rm

"A suicide?"

Everyone was agape.

"We have confirmed Mickey's death as a suicide." Poli said, straightforward.

The townsfolk gathered around Time's Square, in shock by the announcement the rescue team had made.

"What?" Helly muttered, scanning the crowd's shocked faces. "Didn't Poli just say it was a murder-"

"Shut it."

Her voice.

The drive home was miserable.

Poke could feel the tension underlying in Bruner. His ugly feeling of remorse and shock, the guilt they both felt, it killed them deep inside. But it hurt Bruner more than it should.

Bruner tried to stop tears. "Good riddance, you know?"

Poke's eyebrows furrowed.

"One moment I was bitching about him and... what if we didn't watch him die?"

Poke wanted to punch him so bad. The realization only hit Bruner when the deed was done. Yet it was more,

evidence against the rescue team.

"If we left, we can't give Mickey justice." Poke gestured sadly.

Bruner hissed.

"Why would they lie?" Poke gestured to Bruner, who was too focused on the road and his bitterness.

"Amber killed Mickey. What the hell would you expect them to do? Admit their crimes?" Bruner griped, though he felt little remorse. The car picked up in speed.

Poke immediately regretted what he did. He looked away from Bruner, sadly eyeing the washed out grays and blues that formed Broomstown.

"They need to learn the truth, Bruner." Poke suddenly alluded, his hands shaky.

"We're gonna get- I'M gonna get outcasted!" Bruner shouted, the pain in his voice seething. "Do you really think they would believe two fucking construction workers over the most respected people in town? Of course not! Everyone knows they are all too nice to commit a crime!"

Poke winced. "But Mickey won't get justice-"

"Justice, my ass!" Bruner berated, the car was zooming. "If only that bitch didn't follow us, if only he didn't act out, if only he wasn't drunk, he would be fucking alive right now!" his voice cracked, "If only we tried to save him, if only we-" tears spilled, "If we weren't- if I wasn't- if I didn't do that, he would still be-"

The car was now moving around intensely. It took Poke's hands for Bruner not to drive them into heaven.

"I- i'm sorry." The car stopped in front of their apartment.

"Calm down." Poke gestured caringly, "Let's talk about it inside."

"This isn't what we talked about at all!"

Roy's loud, angry voice echoed through the room. Amber was blank.

"We're gonna say it was a murder, Roy." Amber argued, hurt in her voice.

"They're grown adults! They won't cry about it like what you expect them to do!" Roy jeered back, his metal hand slamming on the table. Amber winced. "This isn't a fucking-" "Language." Poli interrupted blatantly. "And Amber has a point. The townsfolk are all idiots. Even if we do tell them it's a murder, they would immediately forget about it and move on with their lives. Saying it was a suicide just has a less probability of any investigation."

Roy seethed. "No, man. You don't get it-"

"I do get it, Roy. They act stupid, we treat them stupid. Just deal with it."

Roy scoffed. "We shouldn't treat them like babies!" All the while, Helly watched uncomfortably. He wasn't used to everyone fighting and shouting at each other without a care for their feelings.

He stared down at the camera in his hands,

a picture of blood staining some bushes.

"That was crazy!" Cap preened, making a soft left turn. "Who knew it would be... like that..." "That's bullshit, man." Posty muttered, looking over the backseat to see a completely distraught and terrified Cleany.

"I- I don't believe it..." Cleany sobbed. "He wouldn't..." "That's the point." Cap sighed. "As much as I want to believe he killed himself, there's no reason for him to. I bet my bank account it was probably that woman who killed Mickey. Her record fucking says it all."

The car drove uncomfortably. The atmosphere tightened.

"What about Spooky?"

Cap raised an eyebrow as he looked at Cleany. "What about him?"

"Did you forget already?" Posty whined, groaning pitifully. "Fucking idiot."

"Yeah, yeah, just tell me or i'll kick you out of this fucking car." Cap snared, rolling his eyes.

"Spooky saw Mickey get killed."

Silence.

"Oh yeah." Cap muddled.

Cleany shivered. "Would the rescue team just dismiss hi account like that?"

"I doubt it." Posty claimed. "But there is chance they could be-"

"Lying?" Cap continued, the horror in his voice unscathed.

Cleany was getting scared by the minute. "But- but why would they lie about-"

Posty hissed. "I'm next, am I?"

The other two froze from that statement.

"I was wrong?"

Camp was in utter shock. He leaned against the seat of the forklift as he collected his thoughts.

"Hey!" Lifty said, trying his hardest to lighten the mood. "It's ok to be in the wrong!" he smiled, yet Camp knew deep inside he felt in pain. "Just..."

"No," Camp said sadly. "It's fine."

Lifty kept driving stesdily despite his crashing mood. "What if the rescue team was lying?"

Camp never turned at someone so quickly. His jaw dropped.

"Why... why would you think that?" Camp scoffed.

"It's just weird, y'know?" Lifty's cheery voice reprimanded. "I know the rescue team won't lie about something so serious but... it just sounds weird. For someone like Mickey to kill himself."

Camp struggled to form the words. Yesterday Lifty was comtemplating the possibility of Mickey's death being a murder and making plans to harass Spooky (which, ironically, Camp followed). And now he was agreeing.

Camp definitely needed an ally.

"He's an asshole." Camp remembered his previous words. "It doesn't make sense."

"I know, right?" Lifty's obliviousness annoyed him deeply.

The two were silent for the whole ride.

Camp thought about it more and how they brushed off Spooky's account. The red lights sneers his mind like gas.

It wasn't a suicide.

Spooky felt like he was thrown under the bus.

"Wha- why?" his voice cracked, "They're lying. I saw it with my own eyes. They were lying!"

His fingers scratched deep in his scalp, to the point he drew blood. Spooky noticed his stained fingertips, yet he kept going, crying depressingly.

"I can't believe..."

He began to feel dizzy, the blood didn't fare much better.

I can't believe it.

nighttime

The headquarters was eerily quiet. Helly watched as everyone sulked on the matter. Amber was pissed at Roy, Poli was pissed at Roy, Roy was pissed with everybody.

One murder suicide can ruin lives.

Helly solemnly walked to his room, which was unsurprisingly taken up by the glowing light of the moon.

"Another day." Helly said bluntly. Normally he loathe going to bed, but after everything, he just wanted to forget that Mickey's death ever happened and live a happy life with his team—his family, once more.

But he felt terror.

He picked up the camera from his shelf and scrolled through the pictures again. The one with blood-stained bushes never ceased to scare and confuse him. Helly contemplated all the wrong reasons of this misconception.

He wanted to believe there was more than the eye can see.

Zooming into the picture, his eyes kept preening into more and more red liquid into the screen, wondering what actually happened.

As he plopped himself on the bed, he heard the crumpling of a paper. It caught him offguard and jumped off the bed.

"Huh?" He picked the paper up, revealing inky handwriting. Helly's interest perked up, terror striking mentally, as it read:

Spooky a witness, tho stupid, but ppl might beleive believe his ass, fucker

he should be gone he shouldn't know abt mickey

His eyes widened horribly.

Helly quickly grabbed his camera and quickly took a picture of the note before crumpling it up and throwing it behind the cabinets. His utter disgust was not a secret and he felt like screaming so loud he cluld break glass.

Of course, he was overreacting. But he could only pinpoint one person who would write such a thing. Who would do such a thing.

Her, ain't it?

Work has never been more miserable.

Bruner chucked in more bags of cement into the growing pile. His hands shaked as he turned the wheel. All he could think about was the rescue team's word. How they would blantantly plagiarize their own image as trustworthy.

"Dude, that's too much!" Dump chatisted from his vehicle. "Put some back in the pile."

How could they do that?

Poke, on the other hand, took it surprisingly well. His emotions were in check and he kept his mind away from the rescue team and Mickey. He worried for Bruner's sanity.

They still haven't decided on a verdict to their plan of telling everyone about who killed Mickey, but it was for another time. Bruner was unstable.

"Are you feeling okay, man?" Max asked the deteriorating Bruner, his eyes sunk deeply.

"Honestly, fucking no." He sighed out. "I just want to-"

"Normally, you would be bitching at this time, but..." Dump paused depressingly. "Gone."

"You can go home, man. We'll tell the boss." Max said nicely, a small smile to compensate.

Bruner smiled back deep from those sad eyes.

-///-

there are so many driving scenes i can't

anyways chapter 2 the complete version is here, i just love idiot townsfolk rooting into the plans of a broken mastermind

now you can all wait for so long so there can be another death; place your guesses /j

[1tarot1with1k1o]

Hello, I’m here, I’m alive, and I didn’t disappear.

I’m gonna be straightforward with you all. The reason why I didn’t come on the blog or post readings for the past few months is because I stopped believing in tarot.

I’ve likely subconsciously blocked myself when it comes to spiritual matters, and I haven’t been able to connect with my intuition or tarot at all.

It’s like I have experienced a backwards spiritual awakening, and I genuinely have no idea on how to get things back like they were before.

The tarot block came because I realized that whenever I got a reading, I would be told that all of these amazing opportunities would come and that things would get better, and yet they never did. If anything they keep getting worse, and that really disappointed me. Keep in mind that I was patient for years, and specific situations I got positive messages about, ended up turning out very negatively. So I got frustrated with tarot, because I felt like I was just being deceived again and again. So I wanted to take a break since I didn’t want to do something for others that even I myself didn’t believe in.

I thought I would be able to get back to it just fine, because similar moments had already happened to me sometimes in the past, and usually after a month or two at most, I would be able to pick up my cards just fine. So far, I’m still unable to grab my cards without feeling physically sick or exhausted. I can’t even watch PAC readings anymore. I can’t stand getting readings or receiving channeled messages. I physically react negatively to any kind of tarot reading. I can’t even connect with my intuition at all. I’ve currently lost all the spiritual connections I had with people I deeply cared about, and it feels very isolating at the moment.

I tried meditation, taking walks in nature, journaling, going to spiritual stores in hopes to buy a new deck, etc… . But nothing.

I’m very frustrated at the situation, which in return I think is not helping me get back to spirituality. I’m sorry for disappearing in the middle of a game, but for a while I was completely out of it.

I don’t know what else to do; so if anyone has suggestions, I’ll gladly listen to your advice.

I’m still definitely planning on sending out the readings from the last game and from the previous game, especially to those who gave me an exchange. I’m just not sure when I’ll be able to do the readings, considering that this is the situation I’m in. I’m deeply heartbroken. I’ll keep trying to do whatever I can, and hope for the best.

I’ll be inactive for the meantime. But I’ll try my best to update you every now and then. Thank you again.

[me-paina]

ROTTMNT prompts for fanfic

Alright, ROTTMNT fans! What I promised is what I shall serve.

I few things to note (Read before looking at prompts) -

These prompts vary in length, some are very short, while others provide a more detailed plot for you to write about (if you want to). All of these ideas originated in my mind and may have been inspired by various fanfics but that's only a few. As a multi-fandom artist and reader/writer, I apologise for the numerous crossover fics, but I can assure you that most, if not half, of them involve different iterations of TMNT.

ALSO - Another thing to note is that the ROTTMNT turtles will always be the youngest!

These are my headcanons for ages -

Rise - (Post-invasion) TMNT 2012 - (Post-series)

- Raph - 16 - 23 (all the same age)

- Leo - 15

- Donnie - 15

- Mikey - 14

TMNT 2003 - (Post-series) TMNT 1987 - (Post-series)

- 32 (all the same age) - 48 (all the same age)

I’m going to be straightforward and say most of the crossover stories I’ve created imply that the series has finished, such as the ones for 12, 03, and 87. For "Rise," it would either be after the invasion has ended (like 8 months or so) or at the end of the movie where Leo is saved from the Prison Dimension.

So just remember that.

How do I use your prompts?

Well for starters, I only have one rule you must follow. If you could please say in your summary that this prompt was made by me and tag me in it that would be nice.

You can use the gift for [me_paina]

or

Inspired by [me_paina]

Here is my ao3 acc - me_paina

You don't have to do this part, but I would really appreciate it if you could send me a direct message or a note to let me know you’re going to write about my prompt. You might wonder why, it's simply because I’d love to read it when you post it. Thank you! Ok, now for what you have all been waiting for. (Sorry for the long ass information T^T)

ROTTMNT - (ONLY)

- From a very young age, Leo knew he was different. While all of his brothers got to go to the surface, he was stuck down here with their father, and every time when he was with his father he only heard the stupid shows he liked to watch. When his brothers trained with weapons and Lou Jitsu movies playing in the background, he had to stay in his room because it was “too dangerous” for him. He just wanted to do something and not feel so left out. Sure, it didn’t matter that he couldn’t really read anything, or that he couldn’t really SEE anything for that matter. Donnie couldn’t see either; he needed those big glasses that rested on his face to see, but he was still allowed to go. Didn’t Leo just need those too in order to go as well? Or Leo is blind and feels left out.

- Leo longed for that voice again. The grumpy yet gently reassuring voice, that told him everything would be okay, that when the pain felt unbearable, they would quickly rush over and would come to offer something to make that pain go away. Sometimes, that voice would hurt him, but he’d heard it was necessary to soothe him later on, and well, whatever he did helped immensely as he couldn't feel nearly the amount of pain he felt back then. But, should he really remember any of that? Donnie had told him that before their mutation, they weren't fully aware; they were just pets for humans to take care of. They were alive, yet in a way, they weren't really “alive” like humans or what they are now. So why could he recall that? It clearly happened before his mutation, as he remembered the voice talking about numbers, chemicals and such.  But it raises more questions when Dad randomly told us that they were created to be soldiers. Engineered to be as strong and durable as possible to fend off humans. Did that mean what he remembered involved being experimented on? But that didn't seem right... Right? Leo mentioned this to Donnie before, and Donnie just shrugged and said, “Even if it were true—which it isn’t—it sounds like you have Stockholm syndrome, Nardo.”  But it couldn’t be true. He just knew that the voice loved him. Why did Dad even suggest the soldier theory??? It didn’t make sense because… Who would want a blind soldier? Or Leo remembers his pre-mutation with Draxum and Draxum. Is trying to figure out why one of the turtles is chronically ill and blind, changing his trajectory and stopping his idea of having soldiers. He might not seem as bad as he is. (I just want a really cute Father and son moment with Draxum ok… leave me alone)

(Sorry this one is going to be long) - At that time, he wanted soldiers. Soldiers who could fend off those pesky humans and perhaps even destroy them. He had no desire to deal with humans ever since they had forced the hidden city to become their home. So, he did what anyone with a reasonable mind would do: he made a deal with Big Mama, took the human that was somehow really strong, stole four different turtles and experimented on them. However, things took a turn with the last part of the plan. People thought he was always angry and grumpy, someone who would experiment on anything alive or not. What they didn’t know was that he was actually a big softy with too much empathy for his own liking. When he brought the turtles back to his lab, he immediately noticed the turtle with the red stripes struggling to breathe and survive. He understood that things would never be the same. He convinced himself that he wanted the turtle to live so that the experiment wouldn't be in vain, but deep down, he realised that the turtle filled a dark void in his heart. He wanted to protect that turtle, and not just him, all of them. He had always wanted children, but over the years, he realised that due to his past and his reputation, he couldn't bring a child into that situation. However, seeing the four turtles made him long for that desire once again. Perhaps it was time to turn over a new leaf. Instead of his original plan of harming the humans, he had another idea. If they were more like them, we wouldn't have to hide anymore, we wouldn’t have to wear cloaking brooches. With a wide grin, he started working. He needed human blood to get an understanding of their DNA so he would incorporate it with empyrean, and, look, I just so happened to have a human right here. To make this work I also needed Yokai’s blood, of course, I'm using mine. As it started shaping, I laughed, this is going to turn humans into more like us, humanoid animals. This will show the humans not to mess with them. To test it out, he wanted to mutate the human that inspired him, well not really but was a part of the experiment (Forcefully), and of course, things just couldn't go his way. It was his fault—he shouldn't have brought the turtles into this section of the lab, but he had no choice, I mean, he had to take care of them somehow and the red-striped one was still insanely sick. While trying to mutate the human, he managed to catch him off guard and was able to escape. He also started to break anything. I attempted to capture him, but he was too fast. When he broke the machine with the empyrean mixture, it got all over him. Serves him right for trying to do something so stupid. I had lost interest in him by that point, I mean it looked like my experiment was going well; my priority right now was to find the turtles. I tried to reach for them, but the human-turned-rat snatched them up and escaped. That was the last time I saw my sons. A few things to note, Splinter only took the turtles so they wouldn’t be experimented on. Or, Draxum is not a soulless being; he experiences emotions. When he sees the turtles, he realises he wants to become a father and chooses to abandon his plan to make soldiers in order to become a better person. However, he still feels anger towards humans and seeks revenge. Oh and did I mention that this story contains Splinter being a bad father… No, well that as well.

- This story is like the same as the one above but instead of Splinter being fast enough to (take) rescue all of the turtles, He was only able to take one, a certain red-striped turtle. Yes, they all still mutate from the empyrean mixture, yes, this is a separated AU, yes, this is a good parent Draxum and a bad parent Splinter fic and yes, I love Draxum being a father, leave me alone again.

(Sorry this one is going to be long) - His life was a mess. Between losing his mother, fighting with his dad, becoming a famous movie star, finding someone he actually fell in love with, and turns out she’s a psychopath spider lady that wants him to fight for her nexus thing and then given to the Draxum fellow and being an experiment on to make some, then I couldn’t possibly understand even if he wanted, he just got real tired, real fast. So when he managed to escape, he noticed the turtles that Draxum had. he didn’t want them to suffer, he needed to protect them. So without even thinking he used all his strength and gathered them up one by one. When he was about to leave, he stepped on the green liquid. It burnt, it made his bones break and shift and hold. It was agonising. The next minute he realised he was pink, Pink! He didn’t have much time to process that, he needed to escape from the lab… He was a rat. A rat. That’s what he saw from his reflection.  He was a rat that now had 4 mutant turtles to take care of… so he sighed and sucked it up like he always did… Years passed, and he spent that time naming them, finding himself a new name 'Splinter', finding food, shelter, and entertainment, for the boys and well, just trying to provide for them. Yet, something always felt off ever since he escaped with the turtles. At first, he didn’t know what it was. Well, that was a lie. It was the red-striped turtle, Blue, Leonardo as he called him, who always seemed different. Not in the way one might think, like, "Oh, this turtle is going to grow up to be a murderer." No, it was something else. From what he remembered of the earlier days, he would often get sick—too sick sometimes. When it was time to walk, he wouldn’t. Even the youngest turtle, Orange, Michelangelo, managed to walk during those times. As for talking, years have passed, and the others began forming sentences long ago. But Blue was still just chirping for quite a while, he finally started speaking when he turned five. Yet, that wasn’t the strangest part. Despite everything, he was still incredibly smart—too smart for his own good. That realisation sent me spiralling. It was all so abnormal. Now the turtles are seven, and we were living happily. Donnie wanted to play chess, so Splinter played a game. After a while, he got bored and left. Just as Splinter was about to pack up the chess pieces, he saw Leo standing there. Leo asked if he could play. Since Leo had never played chess before, Splinter hesitated and asked if Leo even knew how to play. Leo confidently replied that he did. So, we sat down and started playing. Leo was surprisingly good, but after a while, he seemed to lose focus. I thought he was going to lose anyway. Suddenly, he shouted, "I win! I beat you!!" I looked up and froze. He was grinning—no, smirking—with a smug smile. It reminded me of someone who used to smile like that, someone I thought would be important in my life. That’s why I have always been on edge. The turtle sitting there with that smug smile looked exactly like Big Mama. Or Splinter is an unfit parent who has been traumatised by Big Mama. When he realises that Leo resembles her too much, he devises a plan to get rid of him and makes it appear to his brothers that Leo has died, but in reality, he approaches a Yokai gang to see if they want a kid. 

ROTTMNT X TMNT Crossover

- The 87, 03, and 12 turtles are transported to the Rise Universe due to a rare universal collision, three months before the horrific Krang invasion. Will the alternate turtles have to fight alongside them in battle, or will they be able to send them back home before it’s too late?

- The 87, 03, and 12 turtles are accidentally brought into the Rise universe after Donnie attempts to build a portal in case there’s another invasion in the near future. The Rise boys are not okay. Read as the alternate versions of the turtles try to help and heal the terrified and broken boys.

- The 87, 03, and 12 turtles find themselves in a completely new environment filled with horrors they could never have imagined. Will the future rise boys be able to protect them and send them back home, or will it be too late? ( This is set in Cass’s universe. The comic by somerandomdudelmao)

- It’s no surprise that after the Krang invasion, Big Mama's Battle Nexus has suffered greatly. No one felt safe, no one wanted to watch, and there was no fun in it. It was all the Turtles' fault, and well, Big Mama had a brilliant idea—one that no one would want to miss. After all, she had connections everywhere, including a friend who was an enthusiast of all multiverse theories. Some might think these theories are far-fetched and impossible, but Big Mama knew they were real. After all, even the purple turtle believed in them too. Or Big Mama created a plan to capture the 87, 03, 12, and Rise Turtles to put on a show that would restore her fame. (Feel free to add more iterations if you'd like!)

- Ever since Big Mama met the turtles, the blue one has always been the most intriguing of them all. There was just something amazing about him. He could outsmart her with a smug smile and a clever pun. He faced her battle nexus champion without batting an eye, showing no signs of stress. He was just like her—cunning, manipulative, charismatic—and he could effortlessly persuade someone to accept a deal, only for that person to realise too late that they were merely pawns in a game designed for the creator to win. She needed him in her nexus... No, she needed multiple versions of him. Or the 87, 03, 12 and especially Rise Leo (and any others you might want to include) are taken by Big Mama because she is a psychopath who wants her favourite turtle to fight and compete in her battle nexus

- Mikey saved Leo from the Prison Dimension, but they weren't skilled enough to prevent Leo's many injuries. After three weeks of trying to stabilise him, his condition worsened, and he ultimately passed away. The Rise fam breaks, all blaming themselves for what they think could have been preventable. It’s been four months, and they are still grieving the loss when suddenly Donnie’s lab exploded, rocking the whole lair. When everyone rushed to check on Donnie, they found him just standing there, clutching his limp arm and shaking. As they turned to see what he was staring at in terror, they froze. Before them were more turtles, different versions of themselves, and each one had a turtle that wore a blue bandana... Alive, and standing right there.

- What if we created a fanfic where Draxum chooses a specific red-eared slider to become his sole soldier? He had no brothers to begin with. Draxum uses the empyrean mixture to mutate the turtle and trains him for years. When the turtle turns 16, a malfunction in one of Draxum's machines accidentally transports him to 2012, where he is discovered by him and... more of him? He soon realises that in another universe, he had brothers. Or Yes, finally a truly evil Draxum fic where In this version he only wanted one soldier and after using the empyrean mixture, he kills Splinter and raises the turtle (with a different name than Leo) in a manner similar to how Gaster raised the characters in "Handplates" if you never heard of that then just treating him really poorly. When this turtle reaches the age of 16, he is transported by accident to the 2012 TMNT universe (post-show, so they are like 23 now). (Feel free to change the iterations)

- After rescuing Leo from the prison dimension, he falls into a coma due to the trauma he experienced. Donnie tries to bring his twin back to consciousness with the help of Mikey’s mystic powers. However, when the machine they created malfunctions, it inadvertently brings three different versions of themselves into their world.

- After the invasion, the Rise family is still recovering. They thought it was all over and that they could finally rest without any more threats. However, they soon realise, the universe hated them, so just when they were starting to heal, different versions of themselves crashed into the lair (literally). Out of all the things they could have been talking about, of course, it had to be fucking Shredder of all people. Or all of the Shredders are back and seeking revenge.

ROTTMNT X Marvel and Undertale

- Eight months have passed since the invasion, and Leo is helping Donnie with his dimensional portal when it malfunctions and unexpectedly sends Leo to the Marvel universe, just months before Infinity War. (Domestic Avengers.)

- Eight months have passed since the invasion, and Leo is helping Donnie with his dimensional portal when it malfunctions and unexpectedly sends them to the Marvel universe, just months before Infinity War. (Domestic Avengers.)

- Same as the two above but instead of Leo helping Donnie, is Mikey. Or PB & J unexpectedly gets sent to the Marvel universe, just months before Infinity War. (Domestic Avengers.)

- Pretty much the same as again but this time Donnie has already finish the portal and the brothers gather together to see Donnie’s work. Or Rise Turtles goes to Marvel just months before Infinity War where the brothers have to deal with just another invasion, isn’t that fun :D. (Domestic Avengers.)

- Mikey tries to save Leo after he sacrifices himself to save the world, but it doesn’t work as intended and sends him to the Marvel universe. (Domestic Avengers.)

- Mikey tried to save Leo after he sacrificed himself to save the world, but things didn’t go as planned. Mikey's strength accidentally opened multiple portals to various unknown locations. They reached out to grab Leo and pull him toward them, but the Krang were quickly approaching, and Leo wouldn’t make it in time. Without thinking, Donnie jumped into the prison dimension and pushed Leo through an unknown portal, shouting for Mikey to close the portal. The last thing Donnie heard was Mikey and Raph yelling at him and the Krang growling right behind them. Or Mikey was able to open a portal to save Leo, but there wasn't enough time to guide Leo toward them. Donnie quickly jumped for his brother and saved him from the Krang. However, Donnie was about to realised that the portal had transported him to another multiverse. Or the Disaster Twins enter the Marvel universe accidentally when Donnie tries to save Leo. (Domestic Avengers.)

- The one above but instead of the Marvel universe it’s those fics where Sans tries to bring Gaster back with the machine in his basement but accidentally brings his alternates. 

- Mikey attempts to save Leo after he sacrifices himself to protect the world from the Krang. However, things don’t go as planned, and instead of rescuing him, Mikey accidentally sends Leo to an entirely different multiverse, where there are multiple groups of spooky, scary skeletons wandering about. Read as the skeleton aids Leo in healing and protecting him from the horrors of the invasion and his mind. Or you know those fics where Sans tries to bring Gaster back with the machine in his basement but accidentally brings his alternates. Yeah, that but the machine picks up Mikey’s mystic power and connects with it, and brings Leo there.

- Eight months have passed since the invasion, and Leo is helping Donnie with his dimensional portal when it malfunctions and unexpectedly sends them to the skeletons because Donnie’s machine somehow connected the skeletons machine.

- Eight months have passed since the invasion, and Mikey is helping Donnie with his dimensional portal when it malfunctions and unexpectedly sends them to the skeletons because Donnie’s machine somehow connected the skeleton's machine.

- A reaction fic where Undertale, TMNT and Marvel are transported to watch one of their loved ones' story with angst while the chosen people are stuck together watches them watch their life unfold for a bunch of strangers and loved it to see how fucked up their life has been. 

- Big Mama was a collector at heart, no matter what it was—alive, dead, artefacts, books, or even humans. They were all things she could display or use for her own benefit. but eventually, she lost interest in collecting, it was all the same, there was nothing new. After the Krang invasion, she began to think more about the portal that brought the Krang, she heard everyone that it was a dimension, and well that meant there must be other worlds out there that hadn’t interacted with this one—worlds she hadn’t yet captured in her grasp. Things had grown boring ever since she collected everything she wanted, and the Battle Nexus was a shadow of its former glory. Maybe if she could connect to these other worlds and research them, she could then grab whatever she wanted. This might reignite her love for collecting and make her Nexus much more fun and interesting. Or Big Mama wanted to expand her collection further after finding out Multiverse might exist. She was eager to capture different, intriguing things. So, she turned her attention to finding interesting worlds, worlds like Undertale (You can have the freedom to incorporate anything since Undertale is so broad. You can do its cast or its multiverses, such as the Council, stars, the Bad Sanses, or you can write about those fics where Sans tries to bring Gaster back with the machine in his basement but accidentally brings his alternates. When I think of those stories I usually have seven to eight pairs of brothers in mind), Other versions of the turtles (87, 03 and 12, (and any others you might want to include)) and Marvel (I love Domestic Avengers.)

Okie, that's it... I'm so sorry for how many there are.

[gralunaisland]

Hey there, it's the same anon who brought up the Gray's actual type topic. I'd like to talk about it more. I want to explain why I think Gray needs someone like Lucy or Erza are as a potential love interest, with some individual qualities.

Gray has spent years after years drowning himself in the guilt causing Ur's death. He has been saved by Ultear too. The burden isn't easy to carry. He needs someone to make him feel easy. He needs someone who cares about him and will slowly peel off the heavy covers of guilt gradually.

Juvia forces herself upon him. She never really gave a shit about Ur or Ultear or Gray's past issues. She makes him awkward at every given moment.

Gray needs someone to keep him in check, by not limiting his interactions but by ensuring he doesn't stray. Erza and Lucy both are capable of slapping sense into him.

While Juvia defends him even when he's in the wrong.

Gray needs someone who can match his goofiness with her smartness while joining him in his antics at times. Both Lucy and Erza are smart, but also pretty goofs when need be. Not overly strict or serious.

While Juvua relates everything to romance. Blindy puts Gray on a pedestal. Acts like a dumb lover mostly. Her only trait is her being in love.

Interestingly though, Lucy and Erza's abilities to change into dresses contasts Gray's stripping habit lmao.

While Juvia adapts to his bad habits.

It's been forever but Gray hasn't even said I love you to Juvia even though he's quite straightforward with his statements. Because the Gray who fell for Juvia isn't the Gray himself. A doppleganger.

I wish we had someone like Lucy or Erza for Gray instead of horrible Juvia. Yuck. Ewww.

Part 2 of Gray's Real Type (Anti gr///via Post)

Oh my gosh, I agree with everything you say AGAIN!!

First before I do a short dive into what you said, let me just tell you that your first ask was reblogged a few times by people who really like what you said! And no wonder, because both of your asks have been utterly fantastic! (Their first ask, for anyone who's curious, is linked here.)

I don't really need to say anything here either because of how complete your wonderful thoughts are, but I'll give some of my thoughts so I'm not being lazy haha.

First point:

You analyze Gray's guilt and trauma very well, Anon. He definitely needs someone to care for him, someone to put him first and to want him to be safe and happy. He needs to realize it's okay to live for his friends, and that he doesn't need to throw his life away like those who've done so for him before if he can live for them.

Interestingly enough, instead of alleviating or healing any of this guilt, juvia instead only added onto this trauma by willy-nilly throwing her life away in the Alvarez arc. I go into that more in this post, but basically what I said was that juvia doesn't exist without Gray. If he died for her there, then honestly and seriously, (TW) she would probably find a way to die afterward regardless because her entire reason to exist, her entire personality, her entire being would be gone. she would rather saddle Gray with the extra trauma of making him believe he was the reason another woman in his life died for him than to live in a world where Gray isn't alive. That's not selfless, that's selfish, and she has no sense of self without Gray in the first place.

You also make a great point, that juvia actually doesn't ever seem to care about Ur's or Ultear's effects on Gray. Very briefly in 413 Days, for her bothering Gray on the sad day, juvia said sorry, but then she went right back into being her usual, slobbering, non-consensual harassing self. To quote my Analysis of the 413 Days post, "If she actually did any sort of actual reflecting on her actions or soul searching due to remorse over bothering Gray, then she would know that he's completely uncomfortable and creeped out by this, and that giving him a lewd, completely inappropriate body pillow would be a terribly rude idea for a gift."

That doesn't show any real self-reflection, and any self-awareness she has, she smothered with her obsessive desires to own Gray. But otherwise, in general, juvia really doesn't seem to care about Gray and his past and his dreams and his desires. she never really asks him anything to get to know him better. The reason why is because she doesn't care who he is, she's just in love with a fantasy version of him that loves her back and is her prince, which just shows again that she doesn't really love Gray Fullbuster as a person. This makes it no surprise that she doesn't care about his Ur and Ultear trauma, but it's nonetheless despicable of her.

Second point:

I totally agree that Lucy and Erza slap sense into him, and that he needs it from time to time!

And I am SO glad you mention how juvia defends him even when he's wrong!!! I made this exact point in my Analysis of the Daphne Arc post, how blind trust isn't good, and how it helps to show how dangerous and unhealthy juvia's feelings for Gray are since Gray can do no wrong in her eyes, which is a hazard for him, for her, and for many people around them. Being put on a pedestal does nothing to help Gray grow as a person, and real friends want to help push each other to becoming the best version of themselves they can be. juvia being Gray's blind cheerleader no matter what he does literally cripples him from growth and keeps him devoid of any constructive criticism.

Third point:

As for Lucy's and Erza's smartness, I totally agree, they can be total doofuses, but they're also so intelligent and capable at critical thinking. Even Gray knows that, as he defers to Erza as a leader, and in the Tenrou Island arc, he trusted so much that Lucy was smart enough to figure out the riddle that he sought her specifically out.

And then I continue to agree that juvia is very much the opposite of intelligent. she, as you say, thinks everything relates to romance and can't seem to comprehend Gray's actions being motivated by anything but romance. For most of the main story of FT, Gray couldn't be clearer in his rejection of juvia's advances, and yet she continued to misunderstand everything he did, chasing after a man who didn't want her.

I have no clue how some Pro gr///vians insist that juvia is an example of "girl power" because if anything, she's anything but an example of girl power. she can't live or function without a man, not to mention it's a man who doesn't even want to date her. (Disclaimer, I believe women who want love and want to depend on a significant other for certain things are still capable of being powerful. However, juvia is an example of a weak person in general because she is utterly dependent on Gray for personality, for motivation, for her will to live. she has zero independency. That isn't powerful in any regard.)

Everything you mention in regard to her being a "dumb lover", I concur! Relating everything to romance when Gray was treating her platonically, blindly putting him on a pedestal even when he's clearly in the wrong, having only a singular trait to her very one-dimensional character... All of that just points to her being honestly just a stupid, ignorant, naive child.

Fourth point:

That's such a fun point, Anon, that Lucy's and Erza's abilities contrast with Gray's stripping habit, while juvia literally acts as an enabler to his bad habit by acting like him.

Honestly, that's one of the things that make me the most disgusted with juvia, despite how I don't mention it much. It's technically a smaller portion of the terrible things juvia does to Gray, but it's one that boils. My. Blood. How does anyone find this endearing??? she's literally turning into Gray (just how Gray is turning into her in FT100YQ). It just demonstrates yet again that juvia doesn't exist without Gray, and that she can't help but steal his habits because she has none without him.

And this stripping habit isn't even a good thing! Yes, hardy har, naked people in anime, sooo funny, it's clearly meant for comedy, but just think irl, people who compulsively strip down to their underwear in public would and should be punished swiftly for public indecency. And yet juvia still does it just to act like she's a perfect fit for Gray.

And it might even be a trauma response for Gray, where doing it makes him unconsciously feel closer to his dead teacher, where it reminds him of her. He also does it without thinking, which is apparent when he freaks out when someone tells him he's naked, which really makes it seem like a trauma response, but I don't know enough about PTSD and such to be definitive, and I don't want to impose such on Gray. But if it were, then juvia is being even more inconsiderate of his trauma by mimicking it for no reason beyond her wanting to be closer to Gray, wanting to be more like Gray. Even if it wasn't the case, it would be seriously creepy regardless for someone, who likes you and follows you despite you rejecting them, to just copy an integral part of yourself. Honestly, that happens to people in real life, and it's the most unsettling thing. They're almost erasing you as a special, unique individual, which is exactly what happens to both Gray and juvia, Gray turning into juvia through Mashima's terrible gr///via writing, and juvia trying to turn into Gray through her creepy black-hole of a personality.

Fifth point:

And your last point is great as well, Gray is quite the straightforward person, and yet he hasn't said he loves juvia yet. That might just be because Mashima, ugh, is just milking gr///via and keeping all the Pros hooked for as long as he can (despite the fact that gr///via has further devolved into something even some of the Pros don't want to see). It could also be Gray just doesn't love juvia yet, that maybe a semblance of the real Gray is fighting back within him. I unfortunately don't have much hope in the horrible fever-dream-fanfic that is 100YQ, so I fear Gray may be lost forever and irredeemable by this point.

But I absolutely agree with you that the Gray who's fallen for juvia isn't the real Gray, only a doppleganger in the sense that he's not the same character he used to be. The real Gray would fall for someone who's his type, a smart, loving, kind, funny, good person, not a stupid, self-serving, selfish, self-centered, bad person who lacks any self-agency, which juvia is.

I'd ask Mashima to give Gray Fullbuster back to his real fans, but that might be too blissful of a hope...

Closing Notes:

Thank you for your patience and thank you for coming back with another awesome ask! I loved reading your words and typing up a response. I hope mine made enough sense!

[fischerbees]

Bite Me!

click to help palestine before reading

[word count: 2021]

IV. Silence of the Night Owls

The following week was filled with silent glances and repetitive questions but the longer they went without any more medical emergencies, the more everyone's hyper-awarness washed away. Things went back to their usual state then, Kai and Cole were allowed to stop ‘taking it slow’ and resumed training regularly and going to missions with the others.

While Kai reverted to his usual self almost instantly, his behaviour still seemed odd to Cole. As if there was always something else on his mind. His attention remained the same, he didn't zone out, he was barely quiet and kept offering his own comments related and unrelated to the discussions going on but somehow, Cole was convinced he was only halfway there with them no matter what.

Maybe it was just the lack of sleep.

It was ridiculous, really, no matter how tired he got, he could not sleep at night at all. As if there was something blocking him. It was impossible and frustrating and frankly quite tiring. His meditation session turned into naps, which made him feel guilty but it was the last thing keeping him alive, otherwise he would have turned into a walking zombie already.

Kai must have noticed, for he kept bringing him various teas in the evening, which were not helpful but Cole did not say anything as he enjoyed the small gestures. Jay made sure to point out the dark circles under his eyes, trying to get him to open up to no avail. To be fair, there was nothing particularly bothering Cole. He was just cranky because of the lack of sleep and the lack of sleep lacked any explanation. If at least his hunts for midnight snacks were more fruitful.

The concern reminded him how great it is to be surrounded by people who genuinely cared about him but it was getting on his nerves when there were not any solutions to anything.

Odds were this was another thing to come and go. Just a sleep slump, soon he will go back to normal, that was how these minor inexplainable issues worked.

During another one of those sleepless nights, Cold ventured into the kitchen in another desperate search for a midnight snack, so he could at least make something out of the waste of time and make his rumbling stomach shut up. If only it was more straightforward, nothing he found seemed satisfying enough but he had no idea what to look for.

“Are you telling me magnolia didn't work?” He didn't need to turn to see who came in.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” However, staring into the cupboards proved useless as well.

“No.” Instead of Kai's hair was a bird’s nest, a tell-tale sign they were on the same page. “I went out of my way to ask Wu for teas to sleep and they don't work on me or on you, what's the point?” As if his hair was not already messy enough, Kai ran a hand through it in his frustration.

So maybe it was not special attention. Somehow the thought did not move Cole significantly, although he was not thrilled about drinking leftovers from Kai's desperate attempts to help himself.

Kai slumped over the kitchen counter, the dim light making his frown even darker. He watched as Cole idly opened and closed some more cupboards before asking, “Midnight snacking?”

“I’m trying to,” Cole sighed, officially giving up. “There’s just nothing.”

“What? There's plenty of food! I think I saw some rice pudding in the fridge and there should be those biscuits you like in one of the cupboards, I tried to hide them so Lloyd wouldn't eat them all by himself.”

He tapped his fingers against the counter but the sound got quickly irritating. The silence of the monastery made everything ten times louder. “I don't think I feel like sweets.”

Kai fought back a smile, probably even an urge to make a joke. Instead, he offered, “I mean I did save some of those fancy jerky from Jay and Greenie if you want.”

“I guess.”

“Come on.”

In the dark quiet, Cole found himself in another one of those intimate moments between Kai and him where he was holding his breath as if it could be crushed by the smallest of wrong moves. So fragile, so precious. As they made their way to Kai’s room, their hands kept brushing against each other as if they both secretly flirted with the idea of holding them. Yet Kai seemed distant nevertheless.

In the night sky outside, the moon was slowly growing back. Despite so little of it being visible, the light threatened to uncover all of their secrets, the silver rays tickling their hair like a magician eager to do a grandiose reveal. One swift move of the sheet and all the secret, protected wishes could be open in the spotlight.

Then another shadow came and all of Cole’s hair can lay back down.

“Are you wearing cologne by any chance?” At first, the thought made complete sense to him, even as he said it out loud, it was Kai's judging look that made him question himself.

“Dude, look at my hair. You think I'd bother with a cologne in the middle of the night instead of this mess?”

“Just thought you smelled nice…” he trailed off, avoiding Kai's eyes. Now he was uncomfortably close. Cole crossed his arms before they could accidentally touch again.

Despite not owning a bed made out of stone anymore, Cole still found Kai's to be more comfortable. Maybe because Kai always made sure to have everything as comfortable as possible, maybe because of the simple fact that it was Kai's.

The weird tension washed away fast, which was good, now he did not have to be so self-conscious as they lay side by side and shared the jerky. Unappetising but good enough to busy himself.

Curtains silently swayed in the chill air that entered the room through the open window. Rhythmic just as the waves of the sea. On any other occasion, it would most likely lull Cole to sleep without an issue. Now, as he continued to stare at the fabric glistening in the moonlight, the familiar, tired heaviness was nowhere to be found. Yet his mind was as slow as the clouds in the sky.

“You’re being so weird lately,” Kai proclaimed as he passed him the pack.

Not that Kai didn’t hit the nail on the head perfectly. Of course Cole noticed he wasn’t exactly feeling himself lately, but why make a mountain out of molehill? Everything in nature had simple rules, just like his little problems. Their irregular sleeping schedules took their toll on his overall ability to sleep. Which also must have made him lose his appetite. Which meant he really lacked his usual optimism because who would not, in his place?

They’ve learned over the years that the life and work of a ninja was nothing easy, this was just another aspect of this. If he were to freak out over every single thing out of the ordinary, he would not have time for anything else.

At least, that was what he kept telling himself and who would know better about Cole’s problems other than him?

There was nothing concerning about the spot where he got bitten still burning. Neither was there anything concerning about the crazy lunch ideas popping up in his mind. He was just sleep-deprived.

“Me? Have you seen yourself? You're catching that mysterious look from Wu.”

The beat of silence lingered longer than it should. Way too long, and Cole would’ve begun to worry he sounded overly defensive had it not been for Kai turning his head away.

“I’m not.”

It was just the two of them in the same boat. Or rather two respective copies of the same boat. Even after all their years together, Cole had no problem sinking by himself but nothing could ever tame his lifeguard instincts.

He turned to lie on his side, however, even then Kai would avoid his gaze. Both simultaneously decided to let the snack be, neither cared about it in the first place.

“What’s bothering you?”

“Nothing, I'm just tired of being tired, it's fucking exhausting.”

“Why do I feel like that’s not the whole deal?” Kai spared him a glance. He had to take slow, careful steps. The Fireball was a bomb to be defused and such a task never becomes easy, despite the amount of practice, trials, and errors. “You don’t have to tell me but I’m here for you, okay?”

“You’re gonna think I completely lost it or something.”

“I mean, if you did, I can’t really blame you.” Similar to swimming, you had to get some fresh air before diving back. “I’d never judge you, you know that.” He found it silly but Cole couldn’t help the whiff of giddy pride that always followed whenever he was honoured with Kai’s trust. Grains of false hope he didn’t want to take for granted.

“Do you… Do you ever hear stuff you shouldn’t?”

“You mean eavesdropping on someone?”

“No, like, stuff that doesn’t make sense for you to hear? Like, I dunno, maybe a heartbeat that isn’t yours?” Seeing him fiddle with his hands, Cole felt a sting of guilt for putting Kai into the kind of uncomfortable situation he knew he didn’t like. Now he had to make sure to do his job right.

“And you’re sure it’s really not yours?”

There was more frustration in the sigh Kai let out than Cole anticipated. “It’s the same all the time. My heart could be racing miles and it stays the same. Thump, thump; thump, thump; thump thump… Always the same beat, it’s like ringing in my ears but it just doesn’t go away no matter what I do!”

“I don’t think I ever had that happen to me… Only sometimes those mini-hallucinations, like when you think somebody’s calling you but there’s no one? I’m not sure if they can have some sort of a time limit, they can probably be chronic too.”

“I feel like I'm losing my mind, I don’t know where it’s coming from, I looked into some books, I even searched on the internet, maybe I’m just weird.”

“I mean, lack of sleep can do all weird sorts of things to your body and mind, maybe it’s related? It doesn’t have to mean you’ve gone mad, it really might just be sleep deprivation, pretty sure that can cause hallucinations too.”

“This is just great.”

“Hey, I mean, we can always pick up some night patrols and then have an excuse to sleep during the day.”

Kai mimicked his position, finally turning to him. The bandaid was ripped off, now they were left in the settling aftermath. “I just don’t get it. My mind drives itself crazy and I have to suffer all the consequences? Make it make sense, because the almighty internet can’t.”

Taking one of his hands, Cole moved his head closer, as if anyone could steal their words.

“I have to say, even though it always drives you almost into an early grave, I always admired your determination.”

Kai’s chuckle was lighter than the breeze coming from outside. “I like the word you used, determination, everyone else calls it stubbornness.”

“Eh, it’s fifty-fifty. Stubborn determination.”

Despite their eyes being fixed on their intertwining fingers, Cole still felt shivers run down his spine under Kai’s intense gaze. His eyes almost seemed to glow in the night.

“You know, I genuinely think I’d lose my mind if I didn’t have you,” Kai admitted, his voice quieting down. He was speaking to Cole, not the night sky, not the stars, not the moon, Cole. Cole, who gently squeezed his hand as their conversation went completely silent.

Whatever they had between them, Cole was grateful for it, as there was nobody else in the world whom he could imagine holding hands and staring at through the whole night without feeling the pressure of awkwardness.

It was only when the horizon began changing colour again that their eyelids finally got too heavy.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

< Previous chapter Masterlist Next chapter >

[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

The Past, the Present, and Our Future

Summary: Luke is hospitalized and in a coma after the blast in 16.5, and Penelope is paralyzed by fear, so she turn to some friends for help.

Word count: 2277

Can also be read here on Ao3

“Hey, wanna swap out?” Tara asked, stepping into Luke’s hospital room. “You check in on JJ, Will, and the boys, and I’ll keep an eye on Luke?”

Penelope tore her eyes away from Luke for just a moment. “I… I don’t know.” She kept tracing circles on his hand with her thumb, silently willing him to wake up and look at her. “I know I should check on JJ and her family, but… I don’t want to leave him.” 

JJ and Luke had been found by their backup about five minutes after the bomb had gone off. They were injured, unconscious, and slightly burned, but they were alive. They were rushed to the hospital and placed in medically induced comas so they could heal. Penelope hadn't left Luke's side since the moment he'd been allowed visitors. 

“I’m so scared, Tara,” Penelope admitted. “And it’s parlayizng. In the past… whenever JJ was in danger, he was there to comfort me, even if I acted like I didn’t want it. And if he was in danger, JJ was there to make sure I knew he was okay. But now they could both die at any minute and I don’t know what to do! I’m just…”

“Frozen?” Tara guessed.

“Yeah. Frozen.”

In an attempt to lighten the mood a bit, Tara said, “You know, it’s nice to see you finally admit that you care about him.”

"Of course I care about him, I’m not cruel,” Penelope replied. She was silent for a moment before containing in a hushed voice, “Did you know we went out?" Even as she asked the question, Penelope couldn’t tear her eyes away from Luke.

"I'm sorry, you did what?" 

"We went out. He asked me out at my going away party, so we went out for dinner together. Just the one time."

"You know, the fact that you went out doesn't really surprise me," Tara told her. "What does surprise me, however, is that it only happened once. What happened? I would have thought that once you two got your heads out of your asses, that would be the end of it."

"I got scared," Penelope confessed. "Everything just felt so… real. I could see things getting very serious, and that terrified me. And then Covid came along and shut everything down and so I said I didn't want to be in a relationship where we couldn't see each other and that it would be best if we just stayed friends. I was so scared of things ending that I didn't even give them a chance to start."

Tara considered this for a moment. "Penelope, can I be straight with you for a second?"

Penelope smirked, the first sort of smile to grace her face in days. "I don't know, can you?"

"What do you– oh my god you did not just make a gay joke right now!" 

"I'm sorry, the opportunity was right there!" 

Tara laughed. "You know what, I'll let you have that one. Can I be straightforward with you?"

Penelope giggled, wiping away the tears that accumulated in her eyes. "Yes, yes you can." 

"I understand where you're coming from. With being scared about being serious. For the first few months of our relationship, I was terrified to be serious with Rebecca, even if I was happier than I'd ever been. Being scared… it's natural. It means you want it to work."

"Well whether or not I want it doesn't matter anymore, does it? It's been three years, I highly doubt he feels the same." 

Tara raised her eyebrows. "You're kidding, right? Have you seen the way he looks at you?" 

"Tara, the way he looks at me now isn't any different than the way he's looked at me in the past."

"So the way he looks at you is the same as the way he looked at you, say, when he asked you out?" 

Penelope's eyes went wide as the pieces clicked. "Oh. Oh."

"Yeah. Oh." 

"What do I even do with that information right now?" 

Tara placed her hand on the other woman's shoulder. "You take a break. You go check on your best friend and her family and you think about it. And then you come back and you sit by him again when you're ready." 

"And you'll call me if anything changes?" 

"You'll be the first to know." 

Penelope got up, hugged Tara, then made her way down the hall to JJ's room. "Hey," she said, knocking lightly on the doorframe. "How is she?" 

"She's stable," Will said from his position at her side. He patted the empty chair next to him. "Come, sit down." 

"Where are the boys?" Penelope asked as she sat beside him. 

"They're at her mom's. I didn't want them seeing her like this." 

"That's understandable." There was a pause, then she asked, "How are you?" She knew that if she was bad, he had to be worse. This was his wife. JJ was just her friend and Luke was her… well, she didn't know at the moment. 

"I'm paralyzed," Will confessed. "She promised she'd call me when she was walking into something dangerous. When Emily called to tell me that something had happened, I had a voice message from JJ. All it was was her saying she loved me, but it was right before the accident. She promised, she almost followed through, and then she didn't. And now she's in a coma and I don't know what's gonna happen."

Penelope placed her hand on Will's shoulder. "If it helps… she was further away from the bomb. Luke went in first and shouted at her to run before he started running himself. She was already almost completely up the stairs when the bomb went off. I'm sure she'll be fine."

"Thank you. How is Luke, anyway?"

Penelope fought hard against the tears. What right did she have to break down at the mention of someone who–by her own hand–was no more than a very good friend, when Will was here worried about his wife? "He's… stable. But not great. Just like JJ, we won't know until he wakes up." 

"And how are you?"

Penelope didn't even have time to understand the implication behind the question before she blurted out, "I'm paralyzed." 

Despite the current situation, Will found himself smirking. "So you're as worried for him as I am for JJ. Interesting." 

Penelope's eyes went wide. "Wha– what do you mean by that?"

Will laughed. "You think JJ hasn't been complaining about you two to me for the past seven years? Apparently, it's somehow gotten worse since you left the team. According to her, if she didn't know better she'd assume you two were a couple based on the way he talked about you and how often he did it." 

Penelope also found herself laughing. "She really said that?" 

"Oh yeah, apparently he refused to learn the new techs' names. He was all 'remote Garcias' this and 'not-Penelopes' that. Talking about that time he cat-sit Sergio and found out he was allergic."

"Yeah, and he still offers to cat-sit for me. He just says he needs to get an allergy prescription."

"And you think it's a surprise people could think you're together. You know he has a thing for you, right? Everyone knows it, has known it for years." 

Penelope felt herself blush. "Yeah… yeah, I know. Tara more or less told me before I came here." 

"You feel the same way like JJ thinks you do?" 

For the first time in years, Penelope let herself admit it. "Yeah. I do." 

"Then what the hell are you doing here? I'll watch over JJ, okay? That's my job. Yours is to be there when he wakes up. You're gonna be the only person he wants to see."

"Are you sure?" Penelope asked. "I can stay for a bit, keep you company, I don't mind."

Will smiled kindly at her. "Go. I've been here before. I know the drill."

Penelope leaned over and hugged Will before getting up and going back to Luke’s room.

“Hey, you’re back sooner than I thought you’d be,” Tara told her.

“Yeah… Will more or less told me that I need to be here when he wakes up.”

“I’m inclined to agree with him.”

“Will you wait with me?” Penelope asked her. “I don’t want to wait alone anymore.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Penelope sat right beside Luke’s bed, and Tara sat just behind her, against the wall. And they waited.

*** 

It was three days later, in the middle of the night when Luke finally woke up. Penelope’s head was resting on his bed near his leg, her hair sprawled in every direction. He began to lightly stroke his fingers through it, not wanting to wake her. Tara, who hadn’t really been sleeping, noticed the motion instantly.

“Hey,” she whispered. “You’re awake.”

Luke nodded at Penelope. “How much sleep has she been getting?”

Tara chuckled to herself. Of course that would be his first question. Not, how long have I been out, not, how’s JJ, all he cared about in that moment was Penelope. “Not much,” Tara said. “She’s been here five days. I’ve been here three.”

Luke smiled at his best friend. “Thank you. How’s JJ?”

“She woke up two days ago. I had to convince Penelope to go visit her for even half an hour. She didn’t want to leave your side.”

Hope surged in Luke’s chest as he gazed at the sleeping woman next to him. Maybe telling her wouldn’t go poorly for him. He’d already decided to do it, he had come too close to death and didn’t want to die with her not knowing, but he’d been scared it would cost him one of his dearest friends. But maybe, just maybe, they would finally be able to move on from just friends. 

“I’m gonna go,” Tara said. “Something tells me you two are going to want to talk in private when she wakes up. “

“Thanks.” Just as she was almost at the door, Luke called out to her again. “Tara?”

She turned around. “Yeah?”

“I just wanted to make sure you know… you’re my best friend, and I love you. You’re like a sister to me.”

Tara was nearly in tears as she quickly crossed the room to give Luke an awkward hospital-bed hug. “Love you too, Luke. And I better not be the only person you say that to tonight.” She winked at him conspiratorially, and he rolled his eyes in response. 

“You won’t be. I swear.”

“Good. It’s only been seven years, it’s about damn time.” She walked over to the door but paused right before she left. “Oh, and once you’re all better, you owe me a detailed explanation as to why you never told me that you asked Garcia out.”

Luke groaned to himself, and Tara left. The sound of the door shutting woke Penelope up, who looked around, confused and in a sleepy daze.

“Wha— Luke?”

He smiled at her, so glad to hear her voice again. “Hey, you.”

“Oh my god, you’re awake!” She flung herself at him, hugging him tightly, before instantly backing away. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Are you hurt anywhere?”

“No, I’m fine, really.” He was only slightly lying. Everything hurt a little bit… but he just really wanted to be able to hold her. 

Penelope wrapped her hands around his and looked down at them. “Luke… when I thought you’d gotten blown up… I just wanted to apologize for and take back every mean thing I ever said to you.”

“Hey,” Luke said, tugging on their conjoined hands so she’d look at him. “Don’t you dare. I knew you didn’t really mean it. I wouldn’t change anything about us, okay? Actually, no, that’s not true. I would change one thing, and that would be that we’d actually get past the first date. I’m sorry if this isn’t what you want to hear right now, but I,” he found himself near tears as he said this, overwhelmed by the weight of his emotions. “Penelope Garcia, I am in love with you. I have been for years. I never stopped, even when you said you just wanted to be friends.”

He would have been worried when she started crying too, but the large smile that was spread over her face told him that they were tears of joy. “Luke Alvez, I am in love with you too. I’m sorry I was too scared before… but I realize now that I can’t lose you. So… do you want to give this another try?”

“Yes,” he replied emphatically. “What, did you think I was just confessing my undying love for you only to not want a relationship?”

Penelope rolled her eyes and laughed, leaning away from him. “Shut up, you’re such a pain.”

“Wait, no, come back,” he said, pulling her toward him again. “So… does this mean I can finally kiss you?”

Penelope leaned even closer, their lips an inch apart. “Yes.”

He slid the hand not currently being held by both of hers to the back of her head and pulled her the final distance toward him, finally pressing his lips to hers after seven years of pining, dancing around each other, and near misses. It was the best feeling in the world. 

When they finally pulled apart, Penelope leaned on the best against him, cradled under his arm. “Please don’t leave me,” she whispered.

“I won’t,” Luke promised with a kiss to her head. “How could I? You are everything I’ve ever wanted since the moment I met you, Penelope. I’m not going anywhere.”

[liverobinreaction]

🖊️, 🌈 (banshee in a well), 💻 ?

IM SORRY I KNOW THIS IS OVER A MONTH LATE, i lost the original ask post and it took me ages to find it BUT I FOUND IT so boom! late but here

ask game here

🌈 What inspired you to write banshee in a well?

basically, i had just been thrown head first into the batman fandom and was scouring through ao3 for things to read, before i kind of. ran out. this was during the weeks i was meant to be studying and writing an essay, and i was doing literally anything except that, so i had a lot of time on my hands. now, ive always been a sucker for fake character death and angst, so i decided hey, why not shove my newest blorbo tim into something like that! initially, it was going to be a one shot where tim was trapped in a collapsing building and was crushed to death, only to crawl his way out eventually while the bats were looking for his body. i wrote the beginning, and then when i looked back up i had 10k words and a completely different plot. and so banshee in a well was born.

💻 Do you do research for your fics? What’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

yes and no! i try to actively avoid writing stuff that requires a lot of technical knowledge because im a) lazy, and b) easily distractible. the moment i start researching when i want to write means i tend to fall down a wikipedia rabbit hole and end up with knowledge about 9th century chinese concubines. do not ask. BUT that doesnt mean i never do it, especially if im writing about a specific culture or religion. for example, i did some research into jewish funeral practices for banshee in a well, and read some articles by rabbis about whether you need to sit shiva for neglectful parents.

ive also been doing a bit of research into stomach cancer atm for 'and you know this will be gone in the morning'. i also absolutely got on a watch list while looking up other things for banshee, such as: how long does it take for blood to be deoxygenated, how do you get down from a noose, can you survive a ruptured lung.

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

here's a bit from my generational depression fic 'To Find Forgiveness In The Weeds' (cw: depression and suicidal thoughts). thanks for the ask!!!

There isn’t really any sort of final straw. Maybe it would be better if there was some kind of definitive moment that he could point to and say ‘there, that’s where it all started, that’s what made me this way’. He almost wishes there was a catalyst like that, because then it would be a lot easier to explain away most of it. But Tim’s life has never been straightforward, so instead, it goes like this:

At 8am in the morning on a Tuesday, as he’s getting ready for work, Tim looks into the mirror while adjusting his tie, and realises that he doesn’t want to be alive anymore.

A mental breakdown would be easier. This sort of quiet realisation doesn’t really give much way to screaming and crying, nor is there anything he can even do with it. Granted, he’s always thought of dying in some sort of manner, but he’s never bluntly admitted to himself that he’d prefer to be dead. Most of the time, it shows up in an abstract, distant way. The temptation of a high rooftop, the ease of a subway track, the simplicity of a rope. Sometimes he’ll see death traps and feel a pull towards it. Not an active wish, so much as a temptation. A soft, gentle thought of ‘I’m tired. Wouldn’t it be nice to be dead?’

But it’s always been chased away, the logistics of actually dying and their impact keeping him away from ledges and chairs. The clean-up would be such a hassle, his brain would point out, and he’d agree. Someone would have to scrape him off the floor or tracks if he was selfish enough to do it in public, and that’s not even mentioning the traumatised passer-by’s. Ultimately, killing himself would cause more trouble than it’s worth, and that’s always been enough for him to ignore those thoughts and chalk them up to a flight of fancy or a call to the void rather than genuine suicidal ideation.

There’s none of that when he looks in the mirror and consciously acknowledges that maybe, just maybe, Tim doesn’t really want to live anymore. That, if given the chance, he can’t confidently say he wouldn’t take such an opportunity.

It’s a strange thought to have, and he finally lets his hands drop away from his tie as he observes himself. He’s seen suicidal people before, of course, both as Tim Drake and Robin and Red Robin. He watched as Bruce threw himself into deadlier and deadlier fights, uncaring of the consequences. He’s gently talked to people shivering on the edge of a skyscraper, eyes screaming for help despite their hollowness.

He doesn’t really fit that image, though logically, he knows that depression takes different forms. And that’s another thought that stops him and makes him furrow his brow. Is he depressed? Depression tends to cause suicidal ideation, so it would make sense, but once again, he’s never needed a therapist or broken down in tears from sadness.

He takes a few steps back to perch on his unmade bed. Messiness is a sign of depression, he remembers, but he’s always been messy. His father was the same way.

Except...

He glances around his room, frowning at the overflowing waste basket, the crumpled up cans and balled up protein wrappers. Clothes are haphazardly dumped into a corner, because he rarely has the energy to put them away. There’s dust everywhere except his bed, bathroom and desk, and kitchen roll still sticks to a spot on the carpet where he spilled some soda and forgot to clean it up.

It isn’t exactly the expected luxury penthouse of a CEO.

His room in Wayne Manor had been untidy, but it was the general clutter of a distracted teenager. He would still throw trash away, would dust and mop up spills when needed, because Alfred had enough on his plate already and tidying their rooms had always been their own responsibility.

His apartment, however, is messy in a way that indicates he’s stopped caring.

The thought is quiet in his mind, but it’s enough to stop everything else.

Has he?

Has he stopped caring?