#sorry to be so harsh on fitz

[spectrum-color]

One of the most frustrating things for me in Tawny Man (and honestly beyond) is how Fitz acts like he was victimized by Burrich in him marrying Molly and raising Nettle as part of their family.

He refuses to acknowledge that it is primarily his own fault, because he refused to accept their marriage or let Molly exist in his life as anything other than his idealized mommy-wife, so he let them believe that he was dead until he had no choice. He also won’t pin any blame on Molly because he doesn’t want to risk the fantasy of his dream girl who will fix all of his problems and replace what he lost when he was abandoned to the Farseers as they live happily ever after in a pastoral nuclear family. That leaves Burrich as the villain who stole his family from him, because that allows him to deflect the consequences of his own choices onto a more convenient target (it also means he doesn’t have to really think about the way Burrichs attempts to instill shame and fear over his Wit were abusive because he can redirect the anger he feels over it toward a safer topic.) Burrich was the closest thing Fitz ever had to a father but he doesn’t even bother to mourn him when he dies because he’s too busy relentlessly pursuing his widow against her wishes in an attempt to relive his adolescence.

It is all very believable and true to Fitz’s character (he is often a victim, but he also leans on that as a crutch so he doesn’t have to take responsibility or own up to his decisions,) but oh my god it is so so annoying.

[alaydabug2]

OUUUGHH

The FEELS while writing this

Hope I did it justice

@nowjumpinthewater @thishumanformislimiting I finished it T-T

⚠️UNRAVELED SPOILERS⚠️

(Fitz pov)

Fitz shifted uncomfortably in the seat he was settled in. It was generally a plush beanbag, the fabric seeming to swallow you whole. But the guy in front of him, the one he was supposed to know like the back of his own hand, felt like a stranger. It made him tense

Keefe shifted his gaze away. They had decided to try and hang out, like they used to do, but nothing about this was normal.

Fitz was trying to hold his tongue. He didn't want to fight. He really didn't. But every time he thought of Keefe galavanting off with Alvar...

He dug his nails into the palm of his hand to fight off the string of unkind things he wanted to say to his supposed best friend. But... could they even call themselves that anymore? After everything that happened before Keefe even left the second time, Fitz didn't think so.

"So...," Keefe murmured. He kept his eyes averted towards his nails. "How have you been?"

Fitz shrugged. "I've been fine, I guess. You?"

"I'm fine."

"So, are the pancakes good in the Forbidden Cities?" Fitz hadn't meant the harsh tone. It just slipped out.

Keefe cringed. "Listen, I'm sorry, but-"

"No," Fitz cut him off. "No, no. Forget I said that. That was stupid."

Keefe nodded. He crossed his arms and went to stare out the window.

Fitz knew he shouldn't continue that conversation. It would only end in tears. But still, he found himself asking, "Why? After everything he did... why?"

Keefe closed his eyes and sucked in a breath. "It didn't start out that way, if that's what you're thinking. I did it to keep an eye on him, so he wouldn't cause trouble."

"We'll, why didn't you just bring turn him in?"

"Well, I wasn't really trying to interact with anyone in the Lost Cities either," he scoffed.

"But why would even consider letting him go in the first place?" Fitz hated himself for letting him raise his voice.

Keefe sat up. "You won't understand. You hate your brother and won't take any reasoning."

"Then help me understand!"

"I felt like maybe he could be... redeemed."

"Redeemed?" Fitz spat. "You know what he did, right? Do you realize he hurt our friends?"

"I know!" Keefe stood and tore his hands through his hair. "I know," his voice broke. "No need to remind me. I just thought that if Alvar could live a normal life after everything, then..."

"Then what?"

"Then maybe I could too."

Fitz furrowed his brow. "What do you mean by that?"

Keefe leaned back against the wall. He turned his face away. "I thought I murdered a man and his little daughter, Fitz. I thought I killed them." He gazed out the window, the look in his eyes far away. "If Alvar could be normal after that, I could too."

The logic was backwards!

"Wanna know what him being normal says to me?" Fitz waited for Keefe to turn back before he continued, "That he's a psychopath! How can you torture two kids and go back to normal like that?"

"He regrets what he did!"

He stood. "So you're defending him?"

"Yes!" Keefe screwed his eyes shut and shook his head, contradicting his previous awnser with a, "No! I don't know..." He took a deep breath. "Thing is... I see myself in him."

Fitz scoffed. "You see yourself in the creepy murderer. Great." He threw his hands out beside him. "Just great!"

"I don't like it either! But it's the truth. And I have to deal with that."

"Wow." Fitz crossed his arms. "I can't believe this. It's like I don't even know you! What happened to my best friend?"

Fitz had turned to shouting now. He hated that they had come to this. But there was no turning back now. They needed to get through this if they even wanted a resemblance of the relationship they had before all of this mess started.

The thought of it made his eyes well. Keefe's watery stare mirrored his. They both knew it. Only way now was through the murk and mire.

"I've changed," Keefe murmured.

"Clearly, if you're hanging out with Alvar."

"No," he dug the heels of his palms into his eyes and shook his head. "Loamnore. I'm different now. I'm not the same.

"Ok, but... what happened to not leaving again?" Fitz questioned.

"That was before..."

"What? It was convenient?" Keefe winced, but Fitz continued. "You can't keep doing this to us! To me! Do you realize how long you've had me laying in bed at night, worried if you're even alive." Tears slid down his face. "I was ready to accept that you were dead, Keefe! I already lived through two of my friends' planting. You did, too." Fitz's jaw wobbled. "You know I can't do it again."

Keefe stared up at the ceiling. When he finally spoke, it was a rasp, "I'm sorry. I don't know how many times I have to say it before you believe me."

Fitz crossed his arms. "As many times until you actually give me a reason to."

"I deserved that." Keefe shuffled his feet on the gray shaggy carpet. "What can I do for you to believe?"

"First, actually keep your promises!" Fitz paced to the opposite side of the room, needing the space to breathe. "When you're told not to go to Loamnore, and you say you won't, don't pop out of the ground trying to save the day!"

"I guess I deserved that too."

"You guess?" Keefe cowarded back from Fitz's glare.

Fitz knew he shouldn't say anything about this next bit. He really shouldn't. But better judgment was out of his reach at the moment.

"And for the record, you kissing Sophie, that hurt. That stung."

Keefe closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them back up, tears spilled over. "I've been a crappy best friend. I know. But... I'm not going to apologize about that. Call me selfish, I probably am, but you don't know how long I've wanted that for. Just for any sembalemce that she liked me back. And just... after all the bogus things growing up, for her to care for me like that..." He shook his head. He went back to staring out the window.

"I'm probably going to regret asking, but... how long?"

Keefes' face turned red. "Years."

Well, now Fitz felt like a jerk. "Wow... I never knew."

"I know. And I was prepared for it to stay like that." He sighed. "You don't have to feel bad about it. She wanted you. For the longest time. I was prepared for it to never happen. Especially after... you know." He cringed.

"So..." Fitz murmured when the silence got suffocating. "Where does this leave us?"

"Where do you want it to?" Keefe braved a look into his eyes.

"I want..." Man, did he want a lot of things. But there's was one thing he wanted the most. "I want us to restart things. Can we do that?"

"How exactly?"

"We don't have to forget everything else. That'd do us no good. But can we just... set it aside? Try all of this again off of a clean slate? Obviously, we're not going to be perfect, but can we try?"

Keefe gave him a sad smile. "Yeah. We can do that. I'll try my best, promise."

Even though he didn't have the best track record with this stuff, Fitz knew that he meant it.

After a moment, most of the awkwardness slowly drained from the room. It left just the two of them and the new part they had made.

Even though they had never been very touchy feely before, Fitz still found him waving Keefe over, meeting him in the middle. The weirdness came back a tad when it took a few tries to get their arms around each other comfortably, but it faded just as quickly when Fitz found himself sinking into it.

A few sniffles from behind him. Fitz couldn't help but shedding a few tears himself. He held on tighter.

It was going to take some time. But maybe, just maybe, they could grow to call each other best friends again.

[keelifallen]

hey so you can totally ignore me, but you seem really good at getting this lovely painterly look to the coloring on your digital art portraits, and I wondered if you had any tips? Sorry to be in your askbox again LOL

I think generally the paint effects your talking about are short strokes and bolder colors. I have a habit for better or worse of not blending, which tends to make everything look piece-y.

A good example is Fitz:

Plain skin + blocked in shadows, several highlights. My goal is to break down an image to its most basic components, so I generally use blocky shapes.

While brushes do help, it will come down to your choice of colors and how you choose to blend.

On the left I used fewer shadows, and kept the values similar. Over all the image looks smoother and softer.

On the right the value range is way out of whack with dark purples and light orange muddying the picture. Ahsoka looks much more “painted” because each stroke is visible

Often times it can be helpful to view your artwork in black and white, as colors can be overwhelming or distracting. It can help you notice more flaws, and find correct values

Most of the time I don’t use any method. And less planning generally means it will be messier. However in the rare case I do, it would be something similar to this:

Fill in flats of the most basic colors. Because I add shadows and highlights, I keep all flats at a mid tone. I don’t blend I’ll just throw chunks of shadow where they fit.

I’ll add highlights on top, and color to eyes nose cheeks ears. Remember to add color as or similar to your original value

Finishing details I’ll add some background colors into the object (the more reflective your object is the more light/surrounding colors you want to cram in) and I like to go over some harsh line art with some neutral colors, which makes the overall look slightly less cartoony.

This is how I make mine specifically, but everybody has their own unique method, so don’t be afraid of experimenting!! If you see an image you really like the style of DRAW IT! It helps you understand so much! Don’t be sad you don’t have ‘that style’ your brain is telling you to learn something.

[nikki-is-a-nerd]

Lemon drops (deke shaw x water bending!reader)

Summary:

From Strangers to Friends to Lovers. Deke won’t do what he did to Daisy ever again but that doesn’t mean you won’t do it for him…with your own little twist.

A/N

Tiny break from Ezra by writing about my beloved future man/rockstar/tech genius/shield director/agent baby boy.

______________________________________________

Deke is a strange person to you. He's sarcastic, surprisingly smart, quick on his feet and funny. You also learned that he likes Daisy, not shocking but very interesting. You weren't one to speak much around the others, Fitz and Jemma would try to encourage you but you don't really talk unless you need to. You've observed his and everyone's movement since getting back to your actual timeline and Deke's past and you've decided that Deke doesn't deserve the harsh and rude treatment from the others, except Jemma, she's naturally kind and caring.

It was a regular day for you when you bumped into a seething deke who just exited the lab. Seeing as he was walking fast and you were clumsy by default you fell down.

"...Ow..." You said quietly.

Deke's eyes widened in shock and immediately offered his hand to help you get up.

"I'm so sorry." He said.

"All good. The worst it could do is a bruise." You said bluntly.

You looked at him carefully and continued speaking.

"You seem upset. Let's eat." You grabbed his arm and dragged him to the pantry and rummaged around for food.

"You know, I think this is the first time I've ever been alone with you." Deke said.

"That makes sense, I prefer to stay away and practice."

"Are you like daisy?" Deke asked.

"Sort of. Inhuman? Yes. Same power? No. She can cause earthquakes, I can control any liquid, but mainly water." You answered kindly.

"That's cool. Why do you avoid people?" Deke asked again.

"I avoid people because I get anxious. I may be an agent but I'm not good with socializing." You said bashfully.

You made a simple sandwich paired with sliced up apples and handed one to Deke and one for you. You sat quietly, when you let your curiosity surface.

"Why were you upset? Is it because of the rest of the guys? I apologize if they treat you badly." You said softly.

"It's alright, it's not even your fault, you shouldn't apologize. In fact you and Jemma have been the nicest to me!" He exclaimed. He took a deep breath and continued.

"I was upset since I gave daisy a bunch of lemons, she didn't get it, then I found out she's still very much in love with her dead ex, so I didn't say anything. The others found out and they made fun of me and I already felt excluded from the team." He said before hiding his head with his hands.

"what does the lemons mean?" You asked.

"Traditionally in my time, you leave a bunch of lemons on the bed of the person you like as a way to tell them that you have feelings for them." He answered.

"That's cute. You're giving something that's basically a luxury to you. That's romantic." You said truthfully.

You stored that knowledge into your head as you spent that entire day with deke. You can say that after that, you two became friends. You truly enjoyed his company, even taking him with you when you train your powers. Deke has been silently pining for Daisy and you let your new feelings for your new friend grows as well. It really isn’t hard to fall for Deke, for you anyway. Deke

Months go by and everyone has been busy dealing with hydra’s resurgence and the new assassin shield now has to deal with. You were training while Deke kept you company with small talk until he went silent for a bit.

"So hear me out." Deke spoke out after the silence.

"Shoot." You said as you sent various sharp icicles flying into various targets.

"You never spoke of your feelings. Like romantically. So do you like anyone?"

His question threw you off guard so much so that you caused your water whip to freeze and shatter. You looked back at deke slowly, eyes wide.

"We are not having this conversation." You said cheeks already red.

"you're blushing! Who is it?" He said excitedly.

“Deke, we literally have an assassin to deal with, you really want to know who i have romantic feelings for?” You asked him.

“Yeah, i mean if an assassin who is genetically modified is out to get all of you, i want to know.” Deke said as he started throwing a rubber ball on the wall.

“Well I don’t have any.” A huge lie on your part but he doesn’t need to know.

Before Deke could ask again, Mack entered the training room and called you, a mission was being given to you. Deke watched you leave and he looked at Mack about to follow you out.

“Its a one on one meeting Deke, she’s gonna be fine. Go find Fitz and Simmons, they might need you.” Mack said.

“Can’t I wait outside Coulson’s office and wait for (Y/N) to leave?” Deke asked as he walked towards the door.

“No, but she’s gonna be fine. She’s strong.” Mack said.

“She’s strong, yeah, no shit. I know that.” Deke said under his breath mockingly.

Deke didn’t see you for nearly a month when you went undercover in Hydra. The radio silence he got made him anxious that even Daisy was annoyed by his pacing.

“Deke for the love of God! Stop Pacing!” Daisy said exasperated as she opened his door.

“(Y/N) has been radio silent for nearly a month! What if she’s hurt! Or worse dead! I’m sorry if i care about her too much that im afraid for her life.” Deke exclaimed.

Daisy gasps and a smile blooms on her face as she just realized something.

“You love her!” She said excitedly.

“What? No! I mean-but no! I gave you the lemons!” Deke exclaimed.

“Yeah that was months ago. You and (Y/N) have been attached by the hip since then and now you two are apart, you’re worried as hell! You like her!” Daisy reasoned.

“So maybe i do. What do you people do to show affection? Cause lemons apparently don’t scream i love you apparently.” Deke asked.

“Just be normal and tell her.” Daisy answered.

“Right, good one. Really what do i do?” Deke asked again.

When daisy just gave him the look he realized it wasn’t a joke and he was mortified. Tell you, face to face? That sounds worse than dying to a kree.

“I’ll think about it.” He said when Daisy stared at him.

When Daisy was about to leave, Coulson opened the door and told them to follow him to the meeting room. Everyone else was already there, save for you.

“Its time we extract agent (Y/L/N) from where she sent off her signal. Based on her last message to us, the assassin, Ruby, has had her suspicions on her now and its no longer safe for her to keep extracting data and sending it to us. YoYo, Mack, May and Daisy, you’re all with me. Deke, Jemma and Fitz, prepare the med bay to check up on (Y/N) and see if they injected or implanted anything on her that would compromise her in anyway.” Coulson spoke.

“Wait, why can’t i go?” Deke asked.

“Simply put, its too personal for you. It might endanger both you and (Y/N).” May answered.

Deke nodded his head in resignation and left with Fitz and Simmons. He assisted them in anyway and tinkered with some other tech laying around the lab to get his mind off of you. He didn’t know how long it was since the team left and returned but when he heard the lab doors open, he immediately stood up and carried your unconscious form to the bed and let Jemma check on you.

“What happened?” Fitz asked first.

“They figured her out and sent that Ruby chick to kill her. (Y/N) was lucky that she figured it out and was prepared. When we arrived, ruby was distracted enough that (Y/N) was able to freeze her legs in place but she shot her twice and she already had various cuts during their fight. She fell unconscious after a while. May and Daisy were the ones to try stop the bleeding but she still passed out.” YoYo spoke.

Deke stayed in the far corner, just watching Jemma care for your unconscious form. Since that night you’ve remained unconscious. They allowed your unconscious self to be moved into your room for more comfort, Jemma and Fitz often came by to check on you. Daisy came around to change your clothes and scold Deke for not showering. The rest had to continue with the mission and decode all the encrypted data you were able to get. Deke watched over you for as long as he could, often falling asleep in your room.

This time around Deke felt something was different today, a little more hopeful. He was cleaning your room when he heard you grunt when you accidentally moved your hand a little bit more and finding them a bit stiff. Deke wordlessly helps you sit up and hands you a glass of water.

“How long was I out for?” You asked Deke.

“A week and a half. You had a bunch of injuries that needed to be tended too, you lost a significant amount of blood, you had poison in your bloodstream that we had to filter out. Safe to say your body needed to recover.” Deke said.

“Sorry if that made you worried.” You said sheepishly.

“Its fine. It shook me up. This life of yours. Its not like mine, you willingly go to dangerous places and do dangerous things and that scares me.

“I understand that. Honestly the only reason I willingly pug myself through this is because, I don’t know what else im good for.” You admitted.

“You can do that healing thing you do. Stay here, be support or back up. Stay safe…with me, here.” Deke said holding your hand.

“Hey Deke, can you hand me my bag.” You said.

“Uh…sure.” Deke said as he grabbed the small pack and handed it to you.

Deke watched you rummage through your belongings until you managed to find what you were looking for.

“Give me your hand.” You told Deke.

Deke wordlessly handed you his hand and he felt you press something into his palms. He gave you a curious look and you smiled at him urging him to look at what you gave him. When he opened his palms he gave a small laugh as he saw a small pack of lemon hard candies in his hand.

“They didn’t have actual lemons in their pantry but they did have candy at least. Its not the same but i hope the message is clear.” You said as your faced flushed red.

“I get it! Lemons. You technically gave me lemons!” Deke said happily as he kept the lemon candies in his pant pocket.

He stood up and held your face gently as he leaned down to your level and gave you a soft kiss. You immediately reciprocated the gesture and held onto him, lacing your fingers through his hair. You two were too busy to notice your heart monitor going insane that Jemma had to rush to your room only to see you and Deke kissing. Jemma smiled and left quietly as you and deke relished the feeling of a new journey together.

Deke also made you promise to tell Coulson that you’re staying mainly as additional healer and purely back up for his sanity to which you agreed to. Not because he said so but because fighting no longer felt right for you.

[vivacissimx]

Firstable, I loved your latest black-white duet with blue!! I’m still processing but it hit just in the thirteen year old wound? In the best possible way 😮‍💨

Then today I was reading about Freud and oedipus for something non-related, but that came to mind, bc I kept wondering, Jon in ASOIAF doesn’t seem to really exhibit a lot of character traits associated with children who grow up motherless or mistreated by mother figures (which he was both!) and I guess I was just wondering if you would mind sharing if you have any thoughts on that? Like aspects of his personality shaped by it or sth? I’m sure we’re all clear that he misses her, but do you think it has to do with him sending his friends away? His crazy strength when he’s angry? Is that just general trauma?

Sorry if this is a weird ask, i just feel like you always hit the nail on the head with characterization and in my head that means you have a phd in psychology or sth I guess 😂

hello and thank you! Just to clarify I do not have a phD in anything at all

It is an interesting thought you bring up that Jon isn't the model motherless son. I guess speaking generally traits of such a literary character might include: a stronger drive to attain/weakness for the love of a mother-substitute (who ironically, stereotypically, is a domineering or otherwise non-maternal type to whom the motherless 'child' provides increasing service to in hopes of achieving their obviously unattainable affection); lack of emotional regulation to the point of violence; either resentment/mistrust, or a totally depersonalized idealization of women; looser moral boundaries; and struggling with performing their appropriate familial roles, roles on which the very foundation of society rests. And we can look at characters like Cathy & Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights, Dmitri Karamazov in The Brothers Karamazov, or Victor Frankenstein to get a clearer idea of this. I would have included Fitzchivalry Farseer in that list because Robin Hobb does deal with his absent mother in a small yet impactful way, (plus Fitz is very much a Jon Snow type) but I want to focus on motherless children specifically— not general orphans.

I do think there are aspects of Jon which allude to his motherlessness. His specific relationships with his siblings, for example. We actually first meet Jon when he's warning Bran away from incurring Ned's disappointment, in a setting [witnessing an execution] which Bran associates with his burgeoning manhood (he is 0 years old lol). As an older brother Jon is never harsh but attentive and even coddling to Bran, Arya, Rickon (we never see such an interaction between Jon and Sansa but I don't think that's particularly here or there honestly). Jon's preservation of his siblings' relationships with their parents speaks to a certain idealization of the family unit. He resents his exclusion, obviously. He later weaponizes his outsider status to ingratiate himself with Mance Rayder later, in what can only be thought of as a lie informed by a deeper truth ("And did you see where I was seated, Mance? Did you see where they put the bastard?"). But the yearning for family and self-sacrifice to maintain it even when it hurts him is there.

I would also say that Jon adopting Ghost, the mute albino runt of the litter, the strangest of the direwolves, could be read as representing his unnatural maternal desires à la Doctor Frankenstein. Frankenstein was written by Mary Shelley who was the daughter of a dead mother and mother of a dead daughter so we could unpack that for days.

The examples you bring up of Jon's self-isolation and moments of violent rage are I think moments when his mental load has just overwhelmed him but not for nothing do we see the coupling of Jon & Robb's 'you can never be the Lord of Winterfell' with Jon's dreams of himself committing violence against Robb (these visions we also see with Tyrion who dreams of himself killing Jaime while both laughing and weeping). I've talked about it before but part of Jon's worldview is that, as a result of his own exclusion from the family, he sees a place for everything in the family of things (advocating for Sam to be Maester Aemon's assistant; recalling that Ned once imagined reviving certain castles in the Gift, 'a dream for Spring,' and that Jon himself could have manned one in service to Robb). He sees himself the outsider as not a threat but an ally to his family of birth and thinks rosily of a world where he'd been able to prove just that. Prove himself worthy of his father, so to speak. In AGOT Jon reflects on his dream that one day he'd so impress Ned that Ned would be moved to grant Jon the ancestral Stark sword in acknowledgement. By ADWD, Jon has rejected lordship over Winterfell because it would mean burning down the Heart Tree which we know Ned would sharpen said ancestral sword beneath. Actually on this note: it gets nowhere near enough play that when Jon talks about how he wants Winterfell and imagines having that with Val, the son he'd have with Val to inherit Winterfell, he thinks that he would name that child Robb. Like, even in a situation where Jon is Lord of Winterfell, he wants to make clear where his loyalty lies in naming his heir with the name of who it should have belonged to (see: Bran is the first son Ned named himself, and Brandon was the name of his dead elder brother).

However I also agree that there are some spots where Jon's not quite the archetype. Though it is worth saying that Jon does not know his mother is dead, has no idea of any possible inheritance of hers which he could symbolically lay claim to (like Dmitri Karamazov with his mother's 3000 roubles), so all of his desires for parental acknowledgement have to be sublimated through Ned. Jon's subtle rejections of certain elements of Ned/Ned's philosophies and policies speak to an unraveling of that— but we never see that desperate desire for female affection/approval in Jon that we find in, say, Tyrion. Tyrion's motherlessness is a related and very interesting topic but yeah, he is deeply emotionally needy and idealizes the living hell out of women-figures. He takes it extremely personally when women dislike him and his relationships with his significant female counterparts show us that he receives joy from even just the performance of mutuality, despite knowing it's not real (Cersei, Tysha, Shae, Sansa). This is somewhat ironic! Considering he's the guy who tells Jon his mother was "some woman" (a dismissal Jon isn't ready to hear, among others Tyrion delivers him) but of course Tyrion's glibness-which-hides-hurt is not really keeping any secrets. I would sum it up as: Tyrion would willingly debase himself for love. On the condition that his lover not debase him of her own will, that she against all odds maintain the image of unconditional love towards him because even that effort would mean the world to him. Would protect him from the world.

In contrast, Jon's romantic relationship(s) (Ygritte, to a lesser extent Val, and simmering beneath the surface Alys Karstark) don't reflect too much maladaptive behavior as a result of not having a mother. Jon's aforementioned empathy & compassion for his siblings is at play with women he meets later on. Jon is I think fairly emotionally reticent due to his upbringing so you have to look towards his actions moreso than his words. Case in point: he allows the spearwives & speargirls (?) more leeway than he initially planned on allowing them because they remind him of Arya; he 'saves' Alys from her unwanted marriage in a move parallel to how he wants to rescue Arya. All of this relates to Lyanna/the absent mother whom he'd serve, whose love he'd happily work to earn if he could but can't because it's fundamentally her desire for him which is lacking, not his unrequited loyalty towards her.

Another aspect on which Jon seesaws: motherless/lonely children often roleplay familial arrangements with found families, yes, with (regardless of propriety) elder parental figures (see: Jon's 200 fathers), but also other vulnerable children in particular. And of this I would really say Arya & Daenerys are better examples. The two of them find it difficult to establish boundaries with their family-adjacent/replacing companions, to the point of experiencing guilt and feelings of rejection. Jon has like the inversion of this: one of the first parts of himself he saws off while trying to 'kill the boy' is his forged familial relationships to his Night's Watch besties. We see this first in Sam AFFC and in ADWD we learn a more heartbreaking truth in how viciously Jon berates himself through his daily interactions. His thoughts on the hostage wildling children are detached but of course we nonetheless see a moment of softness leak through when he compares them to Bran. Even with a stone wall around him, he still looks for personal connection in Satin, Val, and Tormund.

To this end I would also single out Melisandre as a woman who Jon has a cerebral relationship with. Cerebral as in he treats her so mistrustfully she can smell it, lol. Melisandre even acts seductively towards Jon at times and he notices it, rejects it out of hand. Jon's sexual rejection of Zei the Mole's Town whore was icy, certainly, but still not quite so cold. Tyrion would have folded so fast in this situation it's laughable. Is Jon acting 'punishingly' towards her? I wouldn't say so honestly. I think he resists this personalization of their dynamic as best he can; I think he genuinely finds her methods so deplorable that even in times of great strife he cannot justify turning to them, as Stannis did out of pride.

This is getting so long lol, so let me just cap it off with a link to a few of the Jon metas I've written before which touch on this topic: on Jon & women (at the Wall), on Jon learning about RLJ, and how Catelyn's treatment of Jon influenced him. OK great. Much love.

[myfairkatiecat]

Heyyy i just realized you’re the one I meant to send this ask to, sorry @ahoyimlosingmymind

have you heard the song “Youniverse” by Gabi Sklar? Do you think it’s good for broken up Sophitz?

Ahdkfjsnwdkshsnw I LOVE GABI SKLAR SO MUCH YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND

What an amazing artist.

Anyway

I’ve never thought about it but HOLY HECK YOU ARE SO RIGHT. That song is Fitz. I think it would be a little harsh on Sophie to say that the WHOLE thing is sung to her, but this is DEFINITELY his song

There was a time

I used to orbit your mind

Then a bang

We were half of a whole

Now we're whole lot of light-years away

^^thats about how their cognate relationship suffered when Sophie was keeping things from him and struggling with figuring out what she was feeling regarding Keefe

High

Expectations too high

That's on me

Cause the bare minimum

Was a minimum I couldn't reach

^^im not sure that’s to SOPHIE, but it’s definitely Fitz Vacker. “The bare minimum was a minimum I couldn’t reach” I’m gonna CRY it’s so him

In my youniverse

Space made everything worse

When I needed love

You needed time alone

^^i guess this could be to Sophie because Sophie wasn’t ready for a boyfriend and told Fitz so when they were just beginning to take off. But honestly? Id say it’s to his dad.

In my youniverse

If the roles were reversed

I'd give you the room to grow

Wouldn't let you go

Live in my shadow

^^uhhh ok so that might be to Sophie. Sorry Sophie I swear I love you and think you’re valid in your feelings! But… Fitz might feel that way.

You were my world

Felt so infinite

your world,

I was just in it

And I don't want gravity

Grabbing a hold anymore

^^this part is DEFINITELY to Sophie. Fitz definitely feels like the world sorta orbits around Sophie, and he’s just there…. He wonders if he’s even useful with such a powerful telepath around… he doesn’t want to experience a gravitational pull towards her anymore.

As far as I can see

If it's not meant for me

It's not meant to be

I starred in your galaxy

Far from reality

Up

^^okay this is Fitz moving on from her because he realizes he isn’t really the one she wants… and he decides he doesn’t want to just “star in her galaxy” anymore

Then the chorus repeats.

LOOK. A breakup song is always a little harder on the other party than they deserve, and Sophie was totally valid IMO. But that doesn’t erase the fact that Fitz DEFINITELY feels like this

Anyway anon THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP GABI SKLAR (I looooove her music!)

[mariajamel]

Hey, just wanted to say that your “Fitz and the Fool’s Anagnorisis” is by far my favorite piece of ROTE artwork I’ve seen. I’ve got the rote brain rot right now and this art piece is giving me FEELINGS. Both Fitz and the Fool look very close to how I imagine them in my head. I’m entranced by the lighting you created in this piece. The harsh lighting on the Fool accentuates his dawning realization, torn between joy and horror, while the softer lighting on Fitz suites his forlorn yearning and weariness. I find myself frequently revisiting this piece when I just need something to scratch that rote itch. It’s like a stim toy for my eyeballs. This was such a tender, beautiful scene and you’ve captured it perfectly.

Hi, sorry for not responding earlier - this is my favourite message regarding my art I've ever gotten and I wanted to treasure it quietly for a while first. I'm really touched by your words and beyond glad my work resonates with you. Thank you so much! I hope you're having an amazing day!

[whateverthese2havetournament]

Well, folks. If there's two things tumblr loves in a relationship, its woman and toxicity, and our two finalists truly exemplify this.

Before we head into the finals, I'd like to take a moment to reflect on some of the highlights of the tournament thus far.

Biggest Buzz: Perryschmirtz VS PateCrate, with almost 1,250 votes. Truly a tonesetter for the entire event.

Slimmest Margin: Cid and Nero, who lost by negative one vote, due to a technicality. And it was against Hannigram. Bravo.

Widest Margin: Fitz and the Fool VS Sam and Frodo, by over 75% of the vote. Sorry, book fans. Seeding is a harsh mistress.

Highest-placing Men: House and Wilson. This category was originally going to be highest-placing women but life's full of surprises.

Biggest Upset (Host's Opinion): Jessie and James. No disrespect to the Newsies fandom but you were absolutely delusional.

I'd also like to just thank everyone for participating in whatever capacity you have. my biggest worry when getting this going was none of my polls breaking 100 votes.

Anyway I'm really busy with other things this weekend, so expect Yellowjackets Vs. Portal Yuro next Monday.

[ao3feed-wandamaximoff]

Homegrown

by JackalCharge “You do realize this information makes it harder for me to allow you to see him.” “I know, but I have no choice.” The girl suddenly felt a wave of adrenaline rush through her, driven by the surge of panic at the thought of being denied access to Tony Stark. “HYDRA is everywhere. Not just the government. Here. In Stark Industries. They were responsible for Mr. Stark’s kidnapping in Afghanistan—” “The Ten Rings perpetrated the attack—” “—hired by Obadiah Stane, who was a member of HYDRA.” That silenced Romanoff. “I promise you, I swear on my life, I’m telling the truth. HYDRA is the enemy, not me.” “Why do you need to see Stark?” The girl smiled wryly. “That’s even less believable.” Romanoff leaned her arms on the table and grinned in challenge. “Try me.” -- OR; when a fifteen-year-old girl shows up at Stark Tower shortly after Christmas claiming to be the daughter of Tony Stark, the Avengers come face-to-face with the harsh reality of HYDRA much sooner than anticipated. Words: 2484, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: Gen Characters: Tony Stark, Original Female Character(s), Pepper Potts, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Melinda May, Jemma Simmons, Leo Fitz, Peter Parker, Thor (Marvel), Bruce Banner, Loki (Marvel), Grant Ward, Sam Wilson, Nick Fury, Jarvis (Iron Man movies), James "Bucky" Barnes, Wanda Maximoff, Pietro Maximoff, Maria Hill, James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Helen Cho (Marvel), Happy Hogan Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Tony Stark & Original Female Character(s), Tony Stark/Original Female Character(s) Additional Tags: Tony Stark Still Has Arc Reactor, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Parent Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Protective Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Awesome Phil Coulson, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autism, Protective Tony Stark, Tony Stark's Biological Child, okay so this is heavily based on my dr, with creative liberties to describe other perspectives, please i just want to write my silly little story, TW: Grant Ward, So Sorry about that, its good for the plot, Pre-Hydra in SHIELD Reveal (Marvel), Hydra (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Avengers, Team as Family, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Touch-Starved, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Good Parent Tony Stark, Lauran MacNeal (OC) via https://ift.tt/tXSFgcE

[ao3feed-peterparker]

Homegrown

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/Z7P68N9 by JackalCharge “You do realize this information makes it harder for me to allow you to see him.” “I know, but I have no choice.” The girl suddenly felt a wave of adrenaline rush through her, driven by the surge of panic at the thought of being denied access to Tony Stark. “HYDRA is everywhere. Not just the government. Here. In Stark Industries. They were responsible for Mr. Stark’s kidnapping in Afghanistan—” “The Ten Rings perpetrated the attack—” “—hired by Obadiah Stane, who was a member of HYDRA.” That silenced Romanoff. “I promise you, I swear on my life, I’m telling the truth. HYDRA is the enemy, not me.” “Why do you need to see Stark?” The girl smiled wryly. “That’s even less believable.” Romanoff leaned her arms on the table and grinned in challenge. “Try me.” -- OR; when a fifteen-year-old girl shows up at Stark Tower shortly after Christmas claiming to be the daughter of Tony Stark, the Avengers come face-to-face with the harsh reality of HYDRA much sooner than anticipated. Words: 2484, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: Gen Characters: Tony Stark, Original Female Character(s), Pepper Potts, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Melinda May, Jemma Simmons, Leo Fitz, Peter Parker, Thor (Marvel), Bruce Banner, Loki (Marvel), Grant Ward, Sam Wilson, Nick Fury, Jarvis (Iron Man movies), James "Bucky" Barnes, Wanda Maximoff, Pietro Maximoff, Maria Hill, James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Helen Cho (Marvel), Happy Hogan Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Tony Stark & Original Female Character(s), Tony Stark/Original Female Character(s) Additional Tags: Tony Stark Still Has Arc Reactor, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Parent Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Protective Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Awesome Phil Coulson, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autism, Protective Tony Stark, Tony Stark's Biological Child, okay so this is heavily based on my dr, with creative liberties to describe other perspectives, please i just want to write my silly little story, TW: Grant Ward, So Sorry about that, its good for the plot, Pre-Hydra in SHIELD Reveal (Marvel), Hydra (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Avengers, Team as Family, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Touch-Starved, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Good Parent Tony Stark, Lauran MacNeal (OC) read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/Z7P68N9

[byicarus]

teaching someone to play guitar wasn't an arena fitz had ever thought he'd find himself in. he wasn't even sure he'd be a good teacher, but then again, bowie wasn't just anyone. it felt right, natural to help the poor kid out. something in his heart had just led him to offer it up. whatever reason, no matter how awkward he felt, no matter hard it was, fitz was determined to help. "don't be sorry . . . i'm sorry for not picking up on it," he offered up with a soft smile on his lips. his hand squeezed bowie's knees ever so slightly. fitz couldn't explain it, but he saw some special kind of light in bowie. maybe it was musical, maybe it was something else, maybe fitz's head was confusing a crush with a gift . . . all he knew was that he wanted to bask in it. "you'll figure it out, bowie. you seem like you've got a good head on your shoulders," fitz assured him. he could feel the energy of the room shift as his hands met bowie's, his heart skipping a beat. there was something kinetic brewing in the air, an electricity developing between them . . . but someone like bowie, they deserved something better than fitz. even he was smart enough to know that, as bad as he wanted it. "sure, but i've also got the number to caffeine addicts anonymous if you need it," he teased right back, scrunching his nose up playfully. "maybe music is what you need to help ground you . . . i'm sure you'll figure it out one day." there was a kind smile stretched out across his lips. he found himself wanting to know more about bowie — what made him happy, what music he liked, what books he read, what got under his skin, what his dreams were. it was innate and practically palpable, a desire running rampant with a defenseless fitz left with no other choice. "it'll be great then. i promise. we're gonna make sure of it," fitz replied. for a moment, as their gazes met and skin brushed against skin, the whole world seemed to fade away. it was just the two of them, moving in slow motion. his stomach fluttered with butterflies as it seemed that bowie was leaning in, making the move that fitz too chicken to make. as their lips pressed against each other, fitz felt himself relax. eyelids fluttered shut, his nerves stilled . . . a peace washed over him, his whole body, his entire existence. for the first time in years, the noise in his head had quieted down . . . left only with the fainting rumblings of bowie's name whispered over and over again. his lips moved against the younger male's, only to find them gone. fitz was angel cast out of heaven, clamoring his way back down to cold, harsh reality. "b-bowie!" fitz called out, nearly dropping his guitar in the process. "you don't have to go . . ." but just like that, bowie had vanished into thin air, leaving fitz wanting more and more. just one kiss, and he was already addicted to bowie. he was already plotting to figure out just how and when he'd be able to get more — and fitz would stop at nothing just to get it.

most days, bowie struggled to sit across the dinner table from his own mother. he couldn't always figure out how to chat about his day without saying something that would remind them of his father, so he sat quietly. all of a sudden, he was sat next to a literal rockstar, baring his soul for the older boy to pick apart. it went against all of bowie's natural instincts, but— if he ever wanted a shot at winning the showcase— he needed fitz's help. "no, i was... i was making a joke, s-sorry," bowie said, scratching at the inside of his wrist. he felt like a total fool for thinking that he would ever find anything in common with someone like fitz. he wasn't some cosmically gifted hunk with melodies coursing through his veins, he was just... bowie. there was nothing particularly special about him— if it weren't for the fact that he was awkwardly short and his hair stuck up in the back, he would easily fade into the crowd of loving fans that fitz endured each and every night. "it's not for everyone... i'm not even sure that it's for me, but— then again, if i had your talent, i don't think i'd be slumming it with those dummies," he shrugged. his eyes grew wide as fitz clasped a hand around his own, swallowing around the lump in his throat as he tried to hold the older boy's gaze. "haven't you ever heard not to critique a boy's coffee habit?" bowie teased. "besides, it's not the coffee! i just... i live in my head, kinda. it's never quite up there, so i, uh, i miss a lot of stuff going on out here." he couldn't, for the life of him, understand why fitz was being so kind. it wasn't like he had anything to offer, unless fitz was in the market for burnt coffee and an oral history of the salem witch trials. bowie had gotten used to making himself small, taking up the least amount of space he possibly could. he didn't talk about himself, his interests, or his dreams; he didn't let people past the barrier guarding his fragile heart. so why, for the love of god, was it so easy for fitz leighton to slip right through? "i appreciate the compliment, but it's not great until it's finished," he countered, glancing up at fitz with stars in his pupils. his breath hitched as fitz took control of his father's guitar, guiding his hands in a way that shouldn't have felt anything but friendly. bowie knew that he should have been paying attention to what fitz was trying to teach him, but he couldn't take his eyes off of the older boy— he was mesmerized, seeing fitz so deep in his element. it reminded him of watching his father interact with customers in the music shop, only this time it was matched with an intense burn in the pit of his stomach. bowie lurched forward, planting his lips against fitz's in a moment of passion and stupidity. he kept his eyes shut the entire time, too scared that he'd open them and find fitz's bewildered expression. "that was— that was my first kiss," bowie whispered, almost to himself. his fingers touched his plump lips briefly, before his already flushed cheeks turned a deeper shade of red and he was jumping from his seat. "i have to go. you have to go, i... bye, fitz," he stammered, nearly tripping over his chair as he scurried out of the room and up the staircase. he breezed right past his mother on the sofa, watching her afternoon soaps, and didn't stop until he was safely shielded by his bedroom door. "f-fuck... fuck!" bowie groaned, sliding down the door until he reached the floor.

[ppersonna]

out of my league - knj | 01

you were out of my league. got my heartbeat racing. if i die, don't wake me, cause you are more than just a dream - out of my league, fitz and the tantrums

✹ summary- Kim Namjoon was never supposed to find out about your years-long hopeless crush on him. And he most definitely was not supposed to find out about it in front of all your coworkers in a company-wide meeting.

✹ rating- explicit/18+/nsfw

✹ pairing- kim namjoon x reader

✹ word count- 6.6k

✹ genre- angst, smut, comedy

✹ chapter warnings- swearing, descriptions of sex, sexual content, namjoon being a sexy flirt, jungkook being a himbo, awkward conversations, jimin being a protective bff

✹ a/n- hello and welcome to this fic thats lived in my google docs for almost a year now. without @ladyartemesia @xjoonchildx @untaemedqueen and @chimoona, i would never have posted it. i truly owe so much of my brainstorming and creativity to their incredible brains and thoughts and ideas. i love them very much! i hope you enjoy this first chapter! please feel free to message me, talk to me abt anything!! im always here to chat. ILY!

MASTERLIST

Kim Namjoon was never supposed to find out this way.

You planned to confess your undying, unerring love for your coworker at a better time, a classier place. You would wear a dress that highlighted your features, hair cascading down your back, makeup done to perfection and spritzed with expensive perfume. You’d confess, he’d confess right back, and you’d live happily ever after.

You’d also dreamt that Kim Namjoon would have the slightest inkling of who you are before he finds out about your year long crush. He might know you as the mousy girl in the office who doesn’t talk and doesn’t contribute much other than some crunched numbers and apparently the best coffee brewer in the office. But you’d prefer he knows you well—your favorite colors and movies and foods, what makes you happy and sad; things future husbands should know.

You very much did not think it would happen in a company wide conference, full of over five hundred suit-wearing executives. You did not think it would be done by the office bully, Chungha, who carefully takes over the mic and speaks the words clearly as she presents awards of recognition.

“Congratulations to Kim Namjoon for 5 years with the company, over $4 million in revenue, and the object of ____’s lust and affection. I’m sure you two will have the happy life she’s written in her journal about. Make sure you celebrate with her today!”

The room is silent, so silent you could have heard a pin drop from a mile away. Your face is cherry red and you wish the earth would open up and swallow you whole. Your heart feels like someone has ripped it in half and you stare in horror at the girl smirking at the front. Is this what it feels like to be backstabbed? Namjoon looks perplexed—confusion written on his face as he gestures around to no one in particular like he’s saying ‘what the fuck was that?’

Awkward coughing and clapping begins and Namjoon stands to receive his award, a fine wooden fountain pen, and chances a glance around the room. He easily spots you, with your wide, frightened face. His look remains passive, not hinting what he’s thinking behind those stormy eyes, before he turns and sits back down at the table with his buddies from his department.

You seriously contemplate quitting your job. You could find a new one easily, right? Just stand up and tell your boss you quit and you’re out of there before Namjoon ever sees you again and you’ll never have to face the mean girl who’s ratting you out.

As much as the idea rolls through your head, you know you won’t do it. You love your job, love the security and finances it provides you, and you love to look at Kim Namjoon, all day every day.

You don’t understand where things went wrong.

( one month ago )

It’s 9:03 am. You finish brewing the coffee in the small staff kitchen and sigh at the aroma of the freshly ground beans. Coffee is your favorite meal, favorite time of day, favorite snack, and preferred beverage. You drink it constantly. You’re known as “coffee girl” at work, mostly because no one really bothers to get to know you beyond that. You drink coffee like it’s a devoted religion. You could drink a cup right before bed and still sleep like a baby. It was, put simply, your drink.

The office workers deem you to be the one to make the pots of coffee every morning, claiming you were the ‘best’. You didn’t mind—you preferred to make your own coffee regardless—but you believe your coworkers are trying to pass off the twenty-minute job to someone lower in the office hierarchy. And you were one step above the interns.

The coffee machine chimes to let you know it’s hot, and it’s ready for you. You eagerly pour a mug, a large one, and smile as the waft of freshly ground beans (by you, of course) fills your senses.

You nearly knock the cup out of your hand as Kim Namjoon strolls into the office, eyes set on the coffee.

You feel your throat swell up, like he’s an allergen and you’re caught without an epi-pen. Butterflies swirl in your stomach and you can’t stop staring at him. He pays you no mind, tired yet determined to pour a cup of coffee and get back to his office.

You stand in the small kitchen, clutching your coffee like a lifeline, and pray to god you don’t do something stupid.

Namjoon pours his mug, and you watch his muscular hands grip the coffee pot. He pours a hefty amount of cream and sugar into his cup—it appears even perfect male specimens have their faults. 

Your eyes dance on his face before they tango down his body. You wonder what he looks like in the morning, crawling out of bed with mussed hair and a sleepy smile painted on his face. He’d look at you and tell you you’re the most beautiful girl and kiss you deeply despite morning breath. Maybe he’d take you to the shower to press you against the tile as he fuc-

“Oh!” it startles Namjoon to see you, and the coffee in his hand swishes violently. “Didn’t see you there. Sorry!”

Your heart melts. He’s the picture of kindness and politeness. You recognize it’s been a few seconds and you still haven’t replied.

“It’s fine!”

“Great coffee, by the way,” he smiles. His teeth nearly knock you out cold with their brilliance. “Have a good day.”

He turns and exits the room without so much as a glance back at you. Your knees feel weak.

Kim Namjoon talked to you. He complimented you. He told you to have a good day. It’s the best and most significant conversation you’ve had with your secret crush.

You definitely file that away for another day when you need to reminisce on his compliment, and you scurry out of the kitchen towards your desk.

Park Jimin is waiting dutifully at your desk when you arrive, a smug smile still slapped over your features as you sip at your coffee. Namjoon spoke to you today—how lovely.

Jimin quirks an eyebrow. 

“What’s got you so perky this morning?” 

You’re normally quiet and passive, avoiding eye contact or any semblance of emotion on your face.

You look up at the blonde bespectacled boy. Park Jimin is the closest thing to a best friend in the company. He’s who you spend time with at lunch, see on weekends, and text often. You suppose he’s the closest thing to a best friend you have in your entire life.

You send him a smirk and lean in close to whisper. “Namjoon said hi to me today!”

Jimin sends you a pitiful look and pats your shoulder. Your best friend is well aware of your secret crush and while he thinks Namjoon is a nice guy, he thinks your crush is a little hopeless. He’s the most popular guy in the office, often has dates lined up every weekend. Jimin hears the way he and his friends talk in the break room. The man is definitely not hurting for female attention.

“Oh, honey,” he sighs, unenthusiastically. “That’s great.” He can’t help but feel a twinge of sadness over how excited you’re getting from a simple ‘hello’ from a coworker.

“I know, right? Anyway, lunch today?” You ask as you settle down into your cubicle.

Jimin pushes his glasses up his face and nods. “Of course! That’s why I came by this morning. I wanted to let you know that Jungkook from marketing will join us.”

You make a face, disgust etched in the lines creasing your forehead. 

“Why?”

Jungkook is well known in the company. He’s a loudmouth, a player, a clown, and everyone’s favorite comedian. He’s just not your favorite.

“Don’t be rude,” Jimin admonishes at your grimace. “He asked to join and well—he’s cute. I can’t say no to him.”

“Oh Christ, Jimin,” you groan. “Not you too! Don’t tell me you have the hots for the serial fuckboy?”

He blushes lightly and shrugs. “Maybe I do! Be nice to him today or I’ll eat all your chocolate ice cream I know you have at home.”

You stick your tongue out, petulantly. “Fine, now let me get to work or else Seokjin will be up my ass.”

Jimin smiles and kisses your cheek before he scurries away, back to human resources.

It feels as if barely any time has passed. You’re working hard, running calculations and updating spreadsheets. You have an eye for numbers, and losing yourself in an equation is just another day for you. You’re shaken from your cheerful place by a vibration from your phone, and a text alert popping on the lit screen.

jimin 12:01 pm- it’s lunchtime!! you better get your butt out here!

You smile and text back an affirmative reply, then move to grab your lunch from the company fridge. Gliding down the steps leading to the fresh outdoors, you meet Jimin at the lunch tables in the grass.

Jimin is sitting with Jungkook. You can recognize your best friend by his hair and glasses, and Jungkook by his obnoxious laughter.

“Hi,” you murmur as you sit down and open up the brown bag lunch you’ve brought.

“Hi!” Jimin is excited to see you, and just a pinch over eager to be sitting next to Jungkook.

“You know Jungkook, right?” Jimin asks, a harsh look in his eyes that reminds you to be on your best behavior.

You nod as you pull out a bag of grapes. “Oh, yeah, hey,” you smile. “I’ve seen you around.”

Jungkook delivers you a signature smirk and you feel yourself roll your eyes internally. “Yeah, you’re Coffee Girl, right?”

You pout and glare down at your brown bag lunch. Will you ever become more than just Coffee Girl?

“Yeah, I suppose that’s me.”

Jimin clears his throat to dismiss any awkwardness. 

“So, Jungkook, I hear you like working out? ___ likes to work out too. She drags me to the gym sometimes. Maybe we could all meet up sometime?” You don’t miss the hopeful lilt in his voice. Jungkook does.

“Oh, yeah?” He narrows a sexy look at you, rather—a look he thinks is sexy that you find off-putting. “What do you do at the gym? Little cardio sets with 5 pound weights?”

What an asshole.

“Sometimes,” you state as you take a bite of the homemade salad you handcrafted last night. “Most of the time I’m lifting heavy. I can bench 275 and deadlift 300.”

Jungkook looks taken back. “What, really?” He sounds breathless. “You lift more than Namjoon-hyung.”

At the sound of the love of your life’s name, you pause. Your face heats quickly and Jungkook smirks. Of course, he recognizes this and not Jimin’s obvious flirting.

“Why are you blushing?” He asks. “Did I say something?”

You’re quick to dismiss things. “Um--no. I just um,” you’re grasping at straws. “I’m hot.”

Jimin is trying not to laugh, hiding his mouth behind a petite hand.

Jungkook tilts his head. “It’s not even sunny today.”

You gulp. “Yeah, I must be hot. With a fever. M-malaria… probably.”

Jungkook snorts. 

“You have malaria? Bummer.” He picks at his nails. “I thought for a moment you had a thing for Namjoon.”

“No!” The retort is quick, too quick for normal conversation, and it gives you away.

“Aha!” Jungkook points an accusing finger at you. “You have the hots for him, don’t you?”

Your features melt, and Jimin tries to assuage the situation. “Jungkook, please don’t tell anyone,” he pleads.

Jungkook smiles at you. “That’s so cute. It’s like a little nerdy freshman crushing on the senior class president.”

You bury your head in your hands, suddenly unable to stomach any food.

“Jungkook,” Jimin’s tone becomes more firm, authoritative. “I’m asking you this as a friend. Please, don’t say anything.”

Jungkook holds his hands up to prove his innocence and waves his proverbial white flag. 

“Secret is safe with me,” he promises. “But it’s cute. I know him really well, you know. I could try to hook you two up.”

You blanch, unsure if you want Jungkook saying anything about you to the man of your dreams. 

“I’m good, but thanks,” you offer meekly. “I’m not feeling well. I’m going to head back to work, okay?”

Jimin frowns, knowing you’re feeling like a cornered animal, and nods. “Feel better, babe,” he sighs.

Jungkook watches as you leave and turns to Jimin. “Man, he’s way out of her league.”

Jimin slaps the boy in the chest. “Be nice, asshole, that’s my best friend.”

Jungkook promises to be nice, and Jimin is blissfully unaware that others are listening and that the man beside him is easy to persuade.

( present day )

The company-wide meeting adjourns soon after what is likely to be the most embarrassing moment you’ve ever lived through.

You’re grabbing at your things and trying to run out of the room, desperate to get out before anyone sees you or talks to you or laughs at you.

A hand grabs at the coattails of your suit jacket and you’re pulled backwards with a yelp. You turn to seek your captor and find the concerned face of your best friend, Jimin.

“Are you okay? What the fuck just happened?”

Jimin’s concern makes it all real. Until now you could pretend you were in a fugue state, totally dissociated from reality. Now, you realize that everyone in the entire company is aware of your crush on Kim Namjoon.

You can feel your bottom lip wobble, tears threatening to spill. Jimin murmurs an ‘oh shit’ and drags you out of the large room and into the nearest bathroom. He pushes you to sit against the sink and passes you toilet paper to dab at your eyes.

“I don’t know how she found out!” you cry. “God, I feel so stupid and embarrassed.”

It incenses Jimin. He’s holding it back to ensure you’re okay, but in reality, it’s an HR nightmare waiting to happen. He’ll find who did it and punish them accordingly.

They will suffer. 

“It’s okay, babe,” he pulls you into a hug. “Everyone will forget about it soon. They’ll think it’s just a lame office joke, okay?”

You nod, feeling the slightest bit comforted by his words. 

“How could she find out, Jiminie?” You ask with a sniffle. “You’re the only person who knows.”

Jimin sighs and shakes his head.

“I don’t know, but they’re dead. I haven’t told any-... oh, my god,” Jimin stops suddenly. You look up at him to catch what he’s thinking.

He growls and balls his fists. 

“Jungkook knew.”

You let out a sob and bawl your eyes out into the tissue you’re holding. Jimin holds you tighter while he conjures up a hundred different ways to hurt someone and make it look like an accident.

“Don’t worry,” Jimin sighs, trying to comfort both you and himself. “I’m HR. I have to handle this. I’ll make sure they get what they deserve.”

You feel a sting of pain for Jimin. He’s been hopelessly doting on the man who spilled the beans for a few months now, even got to take him on a few dates. It was still nothing serious, but Jimin was clearly smitten.

“I’m sorry you have to do that, Chim,” you whisper. “I know how you feel about him.”

“Yeah, well,” he swallows thickly. “You’re more important than any asshole.”

Jimin holds you tight for a few minutes longer, before you clean yourself up and steel yourself. Ignore everyone, Jimin encourages. Just get to work, he says. Then you can go home and we’ll drink wine and forget about it all, he promises.

You replay his words in his head like a prayer as you walk down the corridors and towards your office. Everyone in the hallways stops to stare at you. They lean towards their friends and whisper. You hear snippets of their gossip, like “Namjoon” and “out of her league”. It drives the sharp blade lodged in your chest even further. It threatens to collapse your lungs and break your ribs.

You make it to your desk safe and sound and bury yourself in work and forcibly ignore the gawking and the stares. 

Just make it home. Just get through the day. You’re almost there.

You could do this.

You nearly make it the entire day before running into the one person you didn’t want to see, Kim Namjoon.

At the end of the day, you’re taking the stairs down to the parking garage instead of the elevator. The elevator is too busy, too many people, and you’re trying to avoid the stares and giggles at your expense. The stairs are always deserted and you figure it’s your safest bet.

You can nearly hear the wine calling your name at home. A delicate glass of Sauvignon Blanc and some chocolate ice cream and a good cry—it sounds like the best and only way to unwind after the worst day you’ve ever had in your life.

The chanting of your name gets louder and you wonder if you’ve finally lost your mind—if you’re actually hearing your wine bottles all the way at home talking to you.

No, wait. The voice is real, and coming from behind you. You turn around to face who’s calling you and nearly faint at the sight.

Kim Namjoon stands on the landing above you, one strip of stairs between you.

“Hey!” He seems glad he’s caught you. “I’ve been calling your name for a minute.”

You swallow and search for an answer. 

“Sorry, I’m-.. I guess I’m just a little out of it today.”

Namjoon grimaces. 

“Yeah, about that…” he begins as he takes the steps down to be on equal ground as you. Your heart is spinning wildly. He’s so close to you. He’s talking to you. On any other day you’d be erupting towards the sky like a firework. But today isn’t any other day.

“I feel like I should apologize,” he states. “I don’t know what happened. I didn’t plan it or anything.”

Damn him and his kindness. Damn him and his cute, awkward smile.

“No, no,” you assure. “I know you didn’t. You don’t have to apologize.”

It’s hard to make eye contact with the man. You want to, know it’s important in intense conversations like this, but the thought of him seeing you—really seeing you makes you ache inside.

“It was a really shitty prank,” he begins. “I’m sure you don’t even know who I am, let alone have a crush on me.”

For the millionth time that day, your face heats to a near boil. You stammer and you’re sure you’ve blown any chance at even thinking about a date with Namjoon.

“Oh, uh, right,” you seek an answer, beg your brain to pick something to say that doesn’t make you sound stupid. “I do.”

“You do what?” He’s confused and you widen your eyes at what just left your mouth.

“I do know you! I mean, I do have a crush on you! Oh, fuck,” you shove your face into your hands. “Please, ignore that. I need to go. Sorry!” You don’t give him a chance to reply, you book it out of the stairway as fast as your heels will take you.

Today was the worst day you’ve suffered through in your life.

The next few days aren’t much better.

Not only are you “coffee girl”, you’re now also sarcastically called “Namjoon’s girl”. As much as you hate your initial title, you’d prefer it to the new one they throw at you as you walk by.

Jimin rats out Jungkook and Chungha to the bosses. They get two weeks probation and they have to write you apology letters if they wish to keep their permanent files clean of any reprimands. It’s a slap on the wrist, and everyone involved knows it. Jimin is furious and wants the boss to reconsider. You tell him not to push it. You’d rather this be over and everyone to forget it even happened. Jimin unwillingly agrees.

You’re working at your desk, earphones shoved in your ears to diffuse the gossip in the room, when you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn and are greeted with the face of Judas Iscariot himself, Jeon Jungkook.

“Hi,” he sounds sheepish, cheeks reddening.

You narrow your eyes at him, sharper than steel. “What the fuck do you want?”

He winces, knowing he deserved that. “Well, I just wanted to apologize. I know they told me to write you a letter, but it seems too impersonal…”. 

You can’t believe Jungkook is sucking his ego up and actually coming to you to apologize. You thought he’d for sure be the one to cop out and send a shitty letter.

He continues. 

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry that all went down. I didn’t mean to tell her. She got me drunk and said she saw me eating lunch with you and Jimin. I think she was jealous or something and it slipped out. I know that’s not an excuse. I fucked up your trust and Jimin’s trust. But I just wanted you to know I didn’t do it to be an asshole. She sort of duped me.”

You pause as you take in the man’s apology. He didn’t have to come to you in person. He could have easily taken the shitty route and half-assed a letter to you. But he didn't, and he owned up to his mistake. God dammit.

“I appreciate your apology, Jungkook,” you sigh and you see his body visibly relax. “I’m still mad, but I guess the anger is at her for doing it in the first place. I’m sorry she tricked you.”

He breathes a sigh of relief and kneels down beside you. “I’m really happy you believe me. I was worried you were going to kick me in the nuts.

“I won’t lie, I thought about it.”

He smiles with you, and you feel like this is the restart of a friendship. “I definitely deserved it.”

You shrug and smile. “Jimin would kill me for hurting you. He might even kill me for thinking about hurting you.”

Jungkook’s smile drops at the name of your best friend. Yikes. Looks like there’s still trouble in paradise.

“I think you’d be in similar company with Jimin right now. He’s not speaking to me.”

You let out a breath through your nose. “Yeah, he’s a little protective of me.”

“For good reason,” he admits. “You’re like a cute little flower. A cute nerdy flower.”

“Jungkook,” you warn. “I just forgave you after I was humiliated in front of the entire company. I’d be careful with calling me nerdy right now.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

It’s hard to stay mad at the boy, no matter how much you dislike his reputation around the office. The fact that he humbled himself enough to seek you out and apologize is proof enough to you of his character.

“It’s okay, Jungkook. I forgive you,” you smile. “Thank you for apologizing.”

He rubs the back of his neck anxiously as his cheeks flare red.

“Yeah, it felt pretty shitty to just… do anything else. Plus, you seem really cool.”

“You seem great, too, Jungkook.”

He smiles and pulls you in for a hug, catching you off guard. For the fuckboy type, he’s surprisingly sensitive and soft. You like that about him.

“I’ll see you around, okay?” He says as he pulls away from you.

“Maybe you should apologize to Jimin, too?” 

His smile drops, but he nods anyway. “Yeah, maybe I’ll go find him now.”

“Good luck,” you offer with a pat on his shoulder.

With a sad smile, he turns and heads down the hallway towards the HR department. You pray Jimin shows mercy to the handsome boy.

A few weeks go by, and you’re sure that everyone has forgotten about you and your most embarrassing moment to date. You make the coffee, you calculate the numbers, everyone ignores you. Things return to relative normalcy.

Until it doesn't. The moment you think you're safe is the moment your guard comes down and everything falls apart around you.

It's when you're in the staff kitchen, grinding fresh beans to brew a second pot of coffee, that it happens.

The kitchen is fuller than usual. You normally try to wait until the lunchtime crowd dwindles and leaves to make your second pot, but you're so desperate for the caffeine that you can't find it in you to care.

You trudge into the kitchen with your handy coffee mug clutched in your tired hands and head towards the cupboards to grind up the beans.

There's a few groups of coworkers lingering in the room, and as your grinder whirs the beans around into a powder, you chance a look around to see who's among the crowd.

Your eyes flick immediately to where a hearty laugh erupts. It makes your heart still in your throat. Namjoon sits with his usual crowd of friends, hand gripping a homemade sandwich while the other assists him in telling his story to his friends. He pays you no mind—why would he?—and you can't help but stare at the way his dark brown hair lays perfectly against his forehead, and his eyes crinkle so cutely at the edges when he smiles.

You nearly forget about the coffee grounds—you're snapped out of your Namjoon-induced trance when suddenly a woman's laugh echoes around the room.

"Look at her," the voice states.

You peer up and see a girl you vaguely recognize. Is she from Marketing? Or perhaps Sales? You’re not sure, but she’s staring at you with a sneer.

“She’s so weirdly obsessed with Namjoon. It’s so creepy.”

Your face turns cherry red and you’re sure your lungs stop functioning. The air your body needs to breathe freezes and your chest aches. 

Namjoon turns to look at the girl before he looks and sees you grasping your coffee grounds tightly.

“Chungha was right—it’s so weird. Namjoon, you should talk to HR about this!”

Namjoon turns back to the gossiping coworker and frowns. “Can you leave it alone? She wasn’t even doing anything.”

The girl huffs and crosses her arms over her chest and looks back at Namjoon.

“How can you stand to be in the same room as her? She clearly thinks she has a chance with you.”

Her words come out like a bite. She punctuates her point with a harsh laugh and the group around her mumbles and chuckles in agreement.

You’re desperately grabbing at anything you can, wanting to leave as quickly as possible before you’re embarrassed further.

“Well, she does!” Namjoon replies loudly, annoyance written in his features. “I was actually going to ask her to dinner this weekend in private, but since everyone is so fucking interested in my love life, I have to do it publicly.”

The room falls silent, and your favorite mug falls out from your hands and shatters on the floor. All sets of eyes stare at you while yours widen with disbelief—you don't even care that you’re standing in a pool of old coffee and shattered ceramic. 

Namjoon stands and heads over to you, bending down to pick up the shards of your coffee mug. You take a few stunted breaths to kneel and help. 

His eyes peer into yours. They’re warm—a chocolate brown color that makes you feel safe.  

“What do you say?” He asks with a smile so gentle it nearly breaks your heart. “Will you let me take you out this weekend?” 

You’re gaping like a fish and the surrounding room is silent—bated breath waiting for your reply. 

“Yes, I would l-love that.” 

His smile turns even brighter, and he stands to throw the broken mug away. 

“I’ll email you the details, okay?”

Your head nods dumbly without thinking. His eyes sparkle as he smiles at you, and he extends his hand down to you to assist you off the floor. As your hand slips into his, you can’t help but feel how soft and strong he feels. You wonder what his hand would feel like caressing your face, smoothing down the expanse of your bare back, running down the length of your body.

The thoughts shake out of you as he winks and kisses your hand gently, causing the gossiping coworker to grunt her disapproval and for murmurs of shock to echo around the room.

“I’ll talk to you later, doll.” Namjoon winks at you before he grabs his sandwich and leaves the room, gesturing to his crew to follow along.

The place on your hand felt warm where his lips once lingered. You no longer cared about the angry glares from the rest of your coworkers. Your heart beats wildly in your chest, and you leave the kitchen nearly floating on cloud nine.

Email from: Kim Namjoon

Sent: 3:06 pm

Subject: Hey good lookin ;)

Hey! 

Just wanted to see how you are! I’m sorry about what happened at lunchtime. That was super petty and uncalled for. I really wanted to ask you out, and I hope I didn’t embarrass you too much by doing it in front of everyone.

I was wondering if you’d like to go out this Friday night after work? Say around 7? If you send me your address, I’ll pick you up.

Let me know!

Xoxo, Joon

You’re sure if you weren’t sitting in your tiny cubicle, you’d be screaming your lungs out.

The second the notification of the email came through, direct from the man of your desires himself, your body froze.

You re-read the message, over and over and over.  

The winky emoji, the xoxo, the nickname ‘joon’. It’s all so much and makes the grin on your face threaten to split your lips in half.

Your fingers press the “FWD” button and you quickly send the message to Jimin, before you stand demurely, attempting to give off an air of professional confidence. You need to talk to Jimin, now.

As soon as you’re out of the eyesight of suspicious coworkers, you bolt down the hallway towards Human Resources. Your high heels click loudly on the tiled floor, but the sound doesn’t even register in your mind. All you can think about is Namjoon, the email, the press of his lips on your hand, the way his smile made you feel as if you could fly.  

The door to HR swings open with your tight grip around the doorknob, and you open your mouth to call to Jimin, the lone employee, when you’re startled by the sight ahead of you.

Jimin sits on the edge of his expansive desk with his arms thrown around Jungkook’s neck and is clearly engaged in a deep, sensual kiss. At the sound of the door opening, they quickly break apart, with matching cherry red blushes on their cheeks and mused hair.

“Oh, shit,” you gasp. 

The men are silent and you can’t help but giggle after a moment passes. “I’ll take it you two made up?”

Jungkook flashes you a dopey grin, one that gives you an answer, while Jimin smirks haughtily.

“Jungkook and I were just discussing, umm… his 401k.”

Jungkook looks at the blonde boy for a moment, confused, before he gets it. “Yeah! Totally. Retirement. Love to t-talk about it?”

You laugh out loud and walk towards the couple.

“I’m sure it was a titillating discussion,” you tease. “I have good news though, if it’s okay to interrupt this retirement planning session.”

Jimin nods and Jungkook rubs at the back of his neck awkwardly. “I guess I should leave?”

“It’s okay,” you smile. “I trust you.”

Jungkook smiles as if he’s just won the lottery. He looks between you and Jimin, face pure and excited like a puppy.

“What’s up?” Jimin asks as he moves to sit down at his desk.

“I forwarded you an email. Read it.”

Jimin nods and logs on to his posh computer, scrolling and clicking before narrowing his eyes and reading.

“Oh, my god.” Jimin’s face is shocked—it's written all over his features. “Namjoon asked you out?!”

Jungkook’s child-like grin turns into one of shock himself. He runs around to stand behind Jimin, eyes seeking over the words of the email.

“Well, hot damn,” Jungkook whistles. “He asked her out.”

Jimin exchanges a look with Jungkook, one that you’re not sure you can read. It quickly slips your mind, however, as you’re more focused on the task at hand.

“Can you come over tonight after work and help me pick out something to wear?” You ask excitedly.

Jimin smiles at you, a touch of sadness in his eyes, before he nods.

“Of course, babe,” he assures. “We’ll make sure you look nice and hot for the date with Mr. Kim.”

“Thank you!” You squeal as you wrap your arms around your best friend. He hugs you back before you scurry out of the office and back to your cubicle, itching to reply to the message.

Jimin sighs as the door to his office closes behind you.

“Kook, please don’t tell me he’s going to break her heart. He’s asking her out to make himself feel better about this, isn’t he?” 

Jungkook slips his hand into Jimin’s and squeezes. 

“I’ll find out, baby.”

Jimin smiles and nods appreciatively at the boy, before leaning up and kissing him.

Jungkook smiles against his lips, and is determined to ensure the young HR specialist never hates him again, even if he has to go behind his hyung’s back to ensure his new boyfriend’s happiness.

Jungkook has one mission now, and that’s ensuring Namjoon takes you on the greatest date known to man.

He grills Jimin with questions about what you like over dinner one night. Jimin finds it endearing that Jungkook is so eager to rectify his mistakes, but he still can’t help but worry that Namjoon is doing this to save face—not because he actually likes you.

“So, what does she like doing?” Jungkook asks as he spins his pasta around his chopsticks idly.

Jimin smiles as he takes a bite of the ramen Jungkook has thoughtfully prepared for their stay-at-home date.  

“I’ve told you already! She’s easy to figure out.” Jimin pats Jungkook’s hand gently. “She loves cooking and baking, working out, daydreaming about Namjoon.” 

“Cooking, hm,” Jungkook looks thoughtful as he takes a bite. “I think Namjoon can work with that. I’ll let him know!”

Jimin tries to hide the anxiety brewing in his stomach. He’s had to plaster on a fake smile for you while you tried on different outfits, wondering which will be the one to finally convince Namjoon he is the one for you. It’s hard to fake it around his boyfriend, too—but something tugs in his stomach that flares the cynical side of him.

Namjoon went from not knowing of your existence, to watching you get publicly embarrassed in a matter of minutes. While Namjoon isn’t a terrible guy, Jimin knows he doesn’t like anything to tarnish the gentleman reputation he’s built in the office. And as much as Jimin likes him, and surely likes his friend Jungkook, he can’t help but feel skeptical.

Jungkook hurriedly pulls out his phone and types away, letting his elder friend know of what he’s found out. Jimin swallows his food, and his pride, and hopes to god his growing cynicism is wrong.

Friday comes slower than you’d like. You wake up every day during the week, one day closer, and your eagerness hits peak levels. Namjoon sees you in the hallways during the week and winks at you, hands shoved in his tight slacks that make you salivate.  

He emails you again Thursday afternoon, confirming things and getting your address. You reply in nanoseconds, uncaring how overeager you come off. 

By the time your alarm clock rings on Friday morning, you’ve already been awake for 4 hours.

All you can do is daydream about the date, the way his hand fits into yours, the warmth of his eyes when he smiles at you.

It’s what fuels you through work.

You hope to god the numbers you’re attempting to work during the day come out right, because your mind is elsewhere for more than most of the day. There isn’t enough coffee in the world, but also your body feels as if you’ve overdosed on caffeine already.

The clock eeks towards 5:00 pm and you’re bolting out the door at 4:56 to head home and get ready for your date.

Jimin attempts to meet you before you leave, but your desk is cold and empty by the time he gets there.  

He sighs and heads back towards his office to gather his things, waving bye to various coworkers as they file out of the corporate building.

He turns the corner towards his office but stops in his tracks as he sees Namjoon’s back to him, phone pressed to his ear.

“Baby, I’ll come over later tonight, okay?” Namjoon speaks into the phone.

Jimin feels his heart fall into the pit of his stomach. He retreats and hides behind a wall, ear carefully peeled to listen to the tall man’s conversation.

“I’m going on this date with that chick from work,” he sighs. “It won’t last more than a few hours. Poor girl has a crush on me and you know the usual assholes won’t leave her alone.”

Jimin bites his lip and clenches his fist. Namjoon thinks he means well, but he knows his suspicions have been confirmed, and he’s torn inside. He wants to tell you, to warn you not to get too invested in the man, but he also has no interest in popping the bubble you’ve been in since the day he asked you out.

Jimin lets it simmer for now. He decides he’ll monitor Namjoon and cut things off if it appears the man strings you along for fun.

Namjoon finishes his phone call with a promise to see whoever is on the other end of the phone later that night, and Jimin quickly pulls out his phone and fakes a conversation with no one when he hears the man approach.

“Oh, Kookie,” Jimin giggles, leaning against the wall casually. “I can’t wait to see you tonight, either, babe.”

Namjoon walks towards Jimin and makes eye contact with the HR specialist.

“Bye, Kook! See you tonight, baby.” Jimin finishes up the fake phone call as Namjoon arrives next to him, and he plasters on his best fake smile.

“Congrats on you and Jungkook,” he speaks sincerely.

Jimin hates how nice he is, hates that he’s a nice guy who gets too wrapped up in his own good looks and reputation.

“Thanks, Namjoon,” Jimin smiles uneasily. “You too! Have fun on your date tonight.”

Namjoon’s face lights up and Jimin desperately wishes he could go back in time to 30 seconds ago, before he heard the conversation, and believe that Namjoon truly wanted to date you.

“Thanks, should be fun, huh?” He winks and nudges Jimin, before he waves a goodbye and continues out the door.

Jimin pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials the number of his boyfriend.

“Hey, baby. We’ve got a problem.”

tag list! - @jimidol @aretha170 @dearbambideer​ 

[moonlayl]

ask game: 7 + 16

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Sam Winchester from spn (even when he irritated me in canon it wasn't enough to truly dislike his character but fans acting like he was a 6 year old child who can do no wrong and can't be held accountable for his own screw ups seriously started to make me dislike his character. Not as much though now lol)

Loki. Even his worst actions never bothered me because he was always a villain and he was interesting on screen, but his fans trying to make him the victim of every situation and that popular 'he's actually a teenager in Asgard years' headcanon annoyed me so much. He's not a helpless little misguided angel. He deliberately hurt people as a grown, powerful, adult and killed hundreds. His character having depth and nuance doesn't change that.

(a lot of characters from aos would technically fit but canon is usually the reason I started disliking those characters at first and fandom just made my dislike stronger. ex: ward, Fitz, deke, Simmons but not as much)

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Fitzsimmons. My God, I tried so hard to like them and ship them in the beginning. I don't understand how they're considered the greatest couple like, where??? (but then codependency, slow burn, and jealous male trope is very popular in every fandom for some reason so it checks out I guess)

also, when fans take great found families and then infantilize the younger characters. weirds me out every time. Sorry, but daisy isn't a little baby who needs daddy Coulson and mama May to hold her hand and treat her like a child. She can view them as surrogate parents (she only really does this with Coulson in canon though, and even then because they met as adults one moment their relationship is a certain way and the next its another, which makes sense. don't think canon Daisy would ever call Coulson "dad" or May "mom" unless as a joke)while still treating them like friends/mentors and with them still treating her like a capable adult who can make her own life choices. She's literally 25 when she meets them.

cruel boy with a bad past + good girl romance.

enemies to lovers and childhood friends to lovers (except for very few scenarios

there's probably. a lot of other tropes but my mind is blank rn.

Thank you very much for sending in this ask! sorry if some of these responses sounded...harsh? I'm half asleep so I wrote it the way I'd say it, which I know doesn't always translate well through writing lol

choose violence ask game

[golden-web]

(Ooc: sorry this is all confusing but we’re going Dr. Simmons POV now so bare with me)

I look at the screen showing Finley’s brain data. They’re asleep now, thankfully they accepted some sedatives tonight to rest. I rub my eyes and plop my head on the table.

“Hey jemma,” Fitz says as he walks into the lab. “I brought you a sand which. Well us sandwiches.” He sits down next to me. “Have you called their dad?”

“No, I probably should.” I stand up and reach for my phone. I scroll through till his number pops up. Before the phone can even ring once Mr. Fitzgerald picks up.

“How are they?” He asks shakily.

“They’re asleep right now. We… we’re not really sure what happened yet. We are having Mr. Barnes come in tomorrow to see if anything is happening in his brain.”

“He said that, do you think it’s something to do with hydra?” He says.

“We don’t really know. We have called Shuri cron Wakanda who helped both of them and she has been looking over the little we know. We hope note. Your child is safe right now though. How are you sir?”

“I’m okay,” his words say that but his voice says everything. “Bucky went back to his apartment but came back saying neither of us should be alone.”

“How is Mr. Barnes?”

“Oh, his arm is okay, and the… the cuts weren’t bad.” He seems to choke slightly at this. “I’ve never seen her do anything like that.

“Is that Mr. Fitzgerald?” Dr. Garner asks as he sweeps into the lab. I nod quietly. “Can I have the phone?”

“Sir, I’m going to give the phone to Dr. Garner now, alright?” I hear a whimper on the other side and hand it to him. They seem to talk for a while as my and Fitz sit in silence eating our sandwiches. After a while Dr. Garner comes back over and hand me my phone.

“He’s such a good father.” Dr. Garner sighs and sits down.

“Why do think Finley isn’t a good kid?” I say a tad too harsh.

“Well no, it’s just—”

“I’m not trying to place blame Andrew, but it seems a bit like you and Finely don’t always get along. That you’ve done some things.” I’ve never been so short with him before. His lips purse into a line.

“Are you saying this is my fault?”

“Well no…” I shake my head. “I’m sorry sir, I’m tired. But you don’t always seem to be doing the best for them.” He sighs at this.

“I’ll be honest. I know how to help adult soldiers. Finleys a child who was forced to play soldier. There’s a lot of foreign territory. I’ve never dealt with teens.”

“Do you not like finely?” Fitz says through a full mouth.

“I’m quite found of them, really. I just wish I could help more. Most adults seem so much more willing of help than they do. It’s frustrating. They don’t always want to listen to authority.”

“That’s most teens,” I say. But I understand. Finley is difficult sometimes. “I’m sorry sir. We need to work together. Because regardless, somethings not right with them.”

[sophitz]

I’m going to toss my opinion in to the mix if that’s okay, because honestly? I think a big part of Fitz’s hate comes from the difference between his portrayal in the narrative in comparison to Keefe’s, even if they’re both very similar. Like…they both act out because of stress and trauma, right? But, the narrative doesn’t really emphasize that as much for Fitz as it does for Keefe. (Not saying that the narrative never does- just not nearly as much.) WE know that Fitz’s upbringing was probably extremely stressful and traumatizing for him, but how many times is that said in the series, if ever? The only time I’d say the narrative is really ”on his side”, for lack of better words, is when it comes to his stress over Alvar (and in Exile when Alden almost died), but the compassion almost entirely stops there. We, as an audience, know a lot about how Keefe’s experiences negatively affected him. He does bad stuff, yeah, and other characters get mad at him, but there’s always that connection there between his stressors and his actions that the narrative emphasizes. It’s also worth noting that most of Keefe’s bad actions are misguided attempts at helping others (Like how he runs away in Unlocked to try to protect everyone.), which is sort of hammered into the reader each time he does make a mistake. For Fitz, his bad actions tend to be due to stress over what’s happening to him specifically, which is also hammered into the reader through Sophie’s frustrated-inner-monologue half of the time. (Like with the relationship drama in Legacy, for example.) If you just read the series without analyzing it much yourself, you’re likely going to dislike Fitz (unless you project onto/have a crush on him, obviously.) because that’s kind of what the narrative tells you to do, intentionally or not. If anything I just said is actually the case, which it might not be I mean I’m just one person, it could also explain why a lot of younger readers specifically tend to dislike Fitz, since they’re not really thinking as critically about what they’re reading yet. I was going to say more but I’ve already written a lot, which I’m sorry about. I just think the reason behind why Fitz is such a polarizing character is really interesting.

I think you hit it right on the nose, anon. Keefe’s trauma is much more highlighted as a contributor to the plot and as a defining source of his actions. There isn’t much subtlety when it comes to his Tragic Backstory. Gisela and Cassius's A+ parenting is shown so often that readers understand and forgive his rash decisions, whereas Fitz...we don't really get to hear "his side of the story" much anymore. And of course, that's not to say I'm ready to dismiss his poor coping skills entirely (just as I'm not willing to do with Keefe either).

But what younger readers tend to miss is that Fitz's bad decisions are not out of malice becuse they are not always explained on a silver platter in the text. It's so easy to write him off as selfish and narrow-minded in Legacy because of his fixation on Sophie's matchmaking, but I feel like we never addressed his pressure to uphold a several-thousand year family legacy (no pun intended), baring the responsibilites now of eldest son after Alvar effectively disowned them. If there had been more about his struggles with that weight on his shoulders, if he had gotten anything close to the Keefe Sencen Treatment in this last half of the series, his mistakes wouldn't be judged on such a double standard.

I think that's why I'm partial to the strong Alden critics (even though I'm not nearly as harsh on him myself), since they at least draw on that connection between Fitz's upbringing and his outbursts. If more of KOTLC's target audience were able to recognize the intricacies of the story and analyze Fitz past his surface-level actions, there would be a lot more sympathy for him.

[wrenhyperfixates]

Don’t Gotta Work it Out

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: A particularly nasty fight rattles your relationship with Loki. Even as both of you wonder if you’re not meant to work things out, you long to be in each other’s arms. But can you make amenjds before your hope is gone? Warnings: mentions of depression; angst, some more angst, then a lot more angst, and finally a fluffy ending A/N: inspired by the song Don’t Gotta Work it Out by Fitz and the Tantrums. I’m experimenting with a new style, so flashbacks in italics! Hope you enjoy :)

Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant @lunarmoon8​ @twhiddlestonsstuff​ @lokistan​ @lowkeyorlokificrecs​ @gaitwae​ @whatafuckingdumbass​ @castiels-majestic-wings​ @kozkaboi​ @cozy-the-overlord​ @birdgirl90​ @myraiswack​

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

Loki had signed himself up for the mission before the words even left Tony’s mouth. He didn’t care where he was going or what he was doing, just so long as he was away from you. You’d gotten into a fight—a bad one. Somehow, Loki’s way of dealing with it was running away. Whether that was because of pride, pettiness, or cowardice, he wasn’t really sure. Then again, he was avoiding thinking about it as much as possible.

“I have volunteered for a mission,” he told you, the sentence short and clipped as he entered your shared quarters. “I leave at midnight.”

“Oh,” you replied, rolling over on your bed so you were facing your boyfriend. He’d already grabbed his bag and started packing. “That’s nice.”

A small hum of acknowledgement was all he made in the way of a response. He perched on the edge of the bed as he tugged on his boots. Right as he finished with the last buckle and was making ready to stand, your arms suddenly encircled his waist. For a minute, the room was filled with hesitation and quiet breathing, a spell of tension only broken when Loki’s hand alighted on top of yours. Not to say everything was fixed between you two, but the anxious energy in the room calmed a bit.

“Just... Come back safe, ok?” you said, your voice so soft, it just barely registered in his mind.

“Alright,” he whispered back. Your forehead rested in between his shoulder blades, and his thumb involuntarily began rubbing small circles on your skin. “I will.”

How Loki wished for more, for the passionate kisses that you usually shared before a mission. But he knew that wasn’t going to happen now. It might even be wrong considering how mad you were at each other, everything you’d said. Though, if it really was wrong, Loki didn’t think he much would have minded; it still would have felt good. Felt normal. Not like whatever messed up situation you were in right now.

You and the trickster god had been dating for over a year and, as any couple would, had a few squabbles. But nothing like what you’d gone through the other day. Loki shuddered now, just thinking about it. It started out stupid, as these things tend to, but turned into something much more serious. He tried to push it from his mind as you placed a featherlight kiss to the base of his neck. Then you pulled away, hugging your knees to your chest. Now it was Loki’s turn to look at you. His hand hovered above your knee for a second before he lost his nerve and let it fall to the mattress.

“I have to go now,” he said. “Take care of yourself.”

You nodded, and Loki walked to the door, looking back at you one last time. You’d already rolled over so your back was to him again, but he could tell you were crying from the way you were breathing. It made his heart break, but all he could do was whisper a small “I love you” and hope you heard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh. You’re awake,” you said, entering your quarters.

“I am,” Loki replied, staring at the fire crackling in the hearth. There was an open book in his lap, and you couldn’t help but wonder how long ago he’d given up on reading in favor of a contemplative trance, looking at the flames. “And you are home now. Are we all caught up?”

“Ok, it’s past someone’s bedtime,” you answered him, catching on to the ice in his voice. “And no, we’re not all caught up. What’s wrong?”

“You could have invited me.”

You’d gone bowling with roughly half the team, only leaving a note for Loki so he knew where you were. You huffed as you tossed your keys onto the dresser. Leaning back on it, you surveyed his face, set in a harsh manner.

“Sorry,” you shrugged. “You were in the shower, and I knew you wouldn’t want to come, anyway.”

“And what if I did?”

“Then, sorry again. You can come next time.”

“Oh, can I now?”

You pushed off the dresser and walked over to him, rubbing his shoulders a little. He didn’t shake you off, but he didn’t relax at all either. You frowned and walked around to the front of the chair, planting yourself in his lap. His arms instinctively wrapped around you, but his face was still stuck in a scowl.

“What’s this really about?” you asked, resting your head on his shoulder.

“It hardly matters.”

You clenched your jaw a bit. You love Loki, but it’s hard to deal with him when he gets like this.

“If you’re going to brush it off,” you said, forcing a smile, “then don’t act so obviously upset and angry. I’m always here to talk, but if you’re not going to, then don’t pick a fight.”

“It seems to me you are the one picking a fight.”

“Yeah, ok. Whatever,” you snapped, standing up. You waited for him to clench his fists or give some sign he was feeling something, but he was as unreadable as ever. “I’ll just never have fun without you. Sound good?”

“You are blowing this out of proportion, darling,” he drawled. “You can calm down.”

“Oh, can I now?” you answered with a smug smile, the petty parts of you egging you on to parrot back his words from earlier.

He sprung up from his chair and approached you fast as lightning. It startled you, and you gasped, walking until your back was against the wall. Loki menaced over you, placing one hand next to your head. He made sure to leave the other side open so you could get away if you really wanted to. You didn’t, instead staring defiantly into his eyes.

“You should,” he growled. “Just invite me next time and drop this nonsense.”

“Wow,” you scoffed, crossing your arms as he made to spin away from you. “Just because no one’s ever cared to listen to you before doesn’t mean you get to make yourself a martyr.”

Your hands immediately flew to your mouth. Loki had shared everything about his past with you. Really and truly, every painful memory. Every ugly, gritty moment. You knew how much stuff like that damaged him. He spun back around, rage plain on his face, and a deep hurt lurking behind his eyes.

“Loki, I’m so sorry,” you said, rushing toward him. “I didn’t mean-”

He put up a hand to stop both your words and approach. “No. I think you did. It is my fault for believing a mortal of all beings could have any depth of understanding, of feeling. For thinking you could love me. The joke is on me, I suppose, hmm?”

He scoffed and stalked toward the door, refusing to let you see the tears in his eyes. He was yanking on the knob before you could even say his name again. The last thing he saw before slamming the door behind him was you crumpling on the ground in a sobbing mess. As he stomped down the hall, his own tears began to pour.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Loki, are you even trying to sleep?” Bruce asked from across the hotel room.

Tony had taken a room for himself and stuck Bruce and Loki together in an adjoining one. Thankfully, it had two beds, but Loki was still a little pissed. Honestly, he’d considered just skipping the hotel and going on a walk, a long walk. Instead, he was laying with his eyes open and glued to the ceiling, reliving the fight in his mind over and over again.

“Yes, Banner, I am,” the god huffed. “I am just not having any success.”

“Is there... something on your mind?” Bruce hesitantly asked. He and Loki were far from best friends, but he figured it would be considerate to ask.

“Actually, there is,” he sighed.

“Do you, uh, want to... talk about it?”

“Yes,” he sighed. “I suppose you are a doctor, after all.”

“Not that kind but-”

“My beloved and I have gotten into an argument, and now I am on this mission. So, we have not made up. I fear we never will.”

“Oh, come one. I’ve seen you two. How bad could it be?”

Loki sighed and sat up on the bed, recounting the story. He did his best to keep the tears out of his eyes and emotion out of his voice, and was met with far more success on the first front than the second.

“Yikes,” Bruce said when he finished. “I mean, they tried to say they didn’t mean it. And I’m sure you didn’t either. So maybe just try to talk?”

“Perhaps. Or maybe we are not supposed to work it out.”

“That’s crazy. Look at you right now; you can’t stop thinking about them.”

“And do you think they are thinking of me?”

“You know what, yeah. I do.”

Loki just mumbled his thanks and flipped onto his side so he was facing the wall now. Bruce went back to sleep, and Loki prayed that slumber would claim him. It did not, and he spent the whole night wishing for you. That he had never said those awful things. That he had never even been given the opportunity to know you, for if he didn’t, he never would have hurt you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You laid on the floor crying for hours. The notion that Loki would come back and wrap you in a hug and talk about what happened didn’t leave you be for hours. And then, all of a sudden, it did. Then you just felt empty and tired. Somehow, you managed to pick yourself up and drag yourself into bed, still in your clothes from the day. You waited another hour, still believing Loki would come back, if even just to lay beside you in the bed you shared and say nothing. When it became clear he wouldn’t, you submit to the tears still stinging the back of your eyes, and cried yourself to sleep.

Waking up the next morning, you didn’t immediately remember what had happened. You felt the empty space next to you where your boyfriend usually was. You listened for the running water of the shower that you could always hear on the mornings he wasn’t beside you. The silence was deafening.

“Loki?” you called out to the vacant room.

Only the echo of your voice answered you. Suddenly, the memory of the night before came crashing back into your mind. A strangled sob escaped your lips. You desperately looked around, frantically searching, begging, for some sort of sign that he’d returned in the night and had just left before you awakened. There was no indication that such a thing had happened.

Moving on autopilot, you found yourself in the shower. You tried to wash, but mainly just stood there and let the scalding spray run over you. Eventually, the stream turned cold as you used up the last of the warm water. You always enjoyed how plushy the towels in the Tower were, but you hardly noticed it as you dried off. Some water still dripping off you, you pulled on your robe. The mirror revealed that your eyes were still a little puffy from crying. Your pruny fingers touched the reddened skin, but you couldn’t be bothered to do anything to cover it up.

“You’re back,” you gasped, walking back out into the bedroom.

He was sitting in a chair, different from the one last night, this time actually reading the book he had. He looked so composed that it made you embarrassed by your appearance. You were sure he was just as much a mess on the inside as you were, though. At least you hoped he was.

“Mhm,” he replied. “And you are dripping on the carpet.”

You looked down where, surely enough, a small wet spot was gathering from the droplets rolling off your body. Everything was moving at half speed in your mind because of how drained you were, both physically and emotionally.

“Sorry,” you mumbled.

He didn’t even really acknowledge it as he sidestepped around you and into the bathroom. A few seconds later, you heard the shower turn on. Summoning all your strength, you managed to get dressed for the day, encasing yourself in your most comfortable clothes. You looked at the door and considered getting something to eat, but the pull of your warm blankets was too great. The bed, devoid of your lover, reminded you too much of last night, though. You grabbed the blankets off and swaddled yourself in them on the couch. You tried to shut out the world and go back to sleep. It didn’t work.

“Darling?” Loki softly called as the bathroom door opened.

You wanted to reply, you really did, but it felt like too much effort to peel your eyes open and will your voice to work. So, you listened as he padded over to where you were. He sighed and left, leaving your quarters silent once more. You didn’t even have the energy left to cry.

Roughly ten minutes later, you heard the god come back in and set something on the coffee table. The aroma of pancakes, bacon, and tea flooded your senses seconds after, and you felt your heart somehow swell and break at the same moment. Loki’s hand softly touched your cheek and caressed it so gently, it seemed he was afraid you might break.

“Sleep well, my darling,” he whispered.

Loki kissed the top of your head as gently as he had touched your cheek, his damp hair tickling your skin. He stood up and, though you couldn’t see, felt him turn and look at you once more. Then the door closed, and the strength to cry returned to your body.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Please, Steve,” you beseeched. “Just tell me where he is.”

“I’m sorry, you know I can’t.” He truly did look hurt that he had to keep this from you, especially when he noticed the tears welling in your eyes. “It’s top secret.”

You were trying to figure out where Loki was, if he was ok. You should have asked him more about the mission; he would have told you where he was going, rules be damned. But you hadn’t, so he hadn’t, and now he’d been gone for three days with no word on when he’d return. You tried his cell phone, but Steve had at least informed you that they had to turn off anything that could be tracked for the mission.

You felt so awful about what you’d said, the guilt gnawing at your heart every minute of every day, every dream of every night. If he were to die before you could work it out... you just didn’t know what you would do. Even if you never made up, you just needed him to make it back safely. Maybe you didn’t have to work it out, shouldn’t. Maybe you were a toxic poison ruining his life. Refusing to cry in front of Steve, you pushed the thought from your mind.

“But he’s my boyfriend. Doesn’t that count for something more than the rules?” you pleaded, the look of desperation in your eyes only growing.

“Sorry, but it doesn’t. Look, it would be different if you were married. What I can tell you,” he said with a sigh, and a quick glance over his shoulder, “is that he’s alive and safe.”

“Thank you,” you sniffled. “I guess that’s something, at least. When will he be back?”

“Soon, ok?”

“Ok,” you sniffled again.

You trudged over to the couch in the common room, trying to spend time someplace other than your room for the first time since the fight. Besides quick meals, you’d just been moping in your quarters. The thought crossed your mind that you were probably depressed, that you should get up and exercise or move about. Despite the knowledge of that, you couldn’t actually muster up the willpower to act on it. Instead, you flipped on the TV and pulled the blanket hanging over the back of the sofa snugly around your shoulders. The voice of Gordon Ramsey faded into background noise as you stared out the window, foolishly and fruitlessly hoping that you’d see Loki’s ship flying in.

“Monday,” Steve sighed, setting a mug of hot chocolate on a coaster for you.

“What?” you asked, slightly bewildered after abruptly being pulled from your trance.

“Don’t tell anyone I told you, but Loki’s coming back on Monday.” Steve sat beside you and comfortingly pat your back as you expressed your gratitude. “Can I give you some advice, though?”

“Please.”

“Whatever happened between you two, you can work it out. I promise.”

“I just feel so bad, Steve. I said something horrible that I never should have.” You bit your lip before continuing, nervous you were oversharing. The way your companion was sympathetically nodding his head, however, urged you on. “And then he said something awful too. And now he’s gone, and no one will even tell me where to find him. Maybe it’s a sign that we shouldn’t work it out. That we’re not right for each other.”

“Come on, that’s just the fear talking. I know sometimes the team grumbles about you guys, but it’s only because you’re so sweet together.” He waited for some sign of recognition that what he was saying was true to click on your face before continuing. “Take it from me, you don’t want to let an opportunity to pass you by; even more so when it comes to being with someone you love. You have to make the most of every moment. But you also have to be willing to work through your disagreements, even if they’re particularly bad. Heck, especially then.”

“Thanks, Steve.” You managed a smile. It was small, but it was also the first one that had made its way onto your face in nearly a week. Not only did you realize you had great friends surrounding you, but you felt a spark of hope that you could repair things with Loki. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good. Now, want to come for a training session? Take your mind off things for a bit?”

“Thanks, but no thanks. I’m still not really feeling up to it. But soon, I promise,” you added when a flash of worry danced across his face.

He gave a nod and one final friendly pat on the shoulder, then was off. You went back to staring out the window, now gently sipping on your cocoa. It was still a bit too hot, and it burnt your tongue a little. You knew you should wait until it cooled, but the pain kept you tethered to the earth instead of floating away. You also knew what Loki would say to that so, after a few more sips, you set it down to let it become a more drinkable temperature. As you waited, you let your mind be filled with thoughts of Loki, wondering if he was thinking of you too. Soon, your eyes were drooping shut, and you succumbed to dreams of happier times with your beloved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the day passed much the same, with you pretending to be asleep. Loki knew you were awake at some point, at least, to eat the food he’d brought. Otherwise, he would have flown into a panic that his little mortal was unwell. Or, more unwell than just in an emotional sense, anyway. There was one point where he saw your eyes crack open and look at him as he sat nearby, switching between reading and thinking. You didn’t say anything, though, so neither did he.

“Brother?” Thor said, knocking at the door. “Are you two in there?”

Loki rushed to the door and, opening it, shushed the God of Thunder. He gently closed the door behind him as not to wake you, thinking you may really be asleep now.

“We are, brother,” he whispered. “Why?”

“The team has not seen either of you all day. Is everything alright? Are either of you ill? Or perhaps you’re just having fun in there?” Thor playfully elbowed his brother in the ribs and suggestively wiggled his eyebrows. “Oh, and why are we whispering?”

“Because my beloved is sleeping.” Loki felt a prick of fear in his heart. Maybe he had lost the privilege of calling you his beloved. “We are ok. Relatively.”

“Relatively?”

“Yes. We... We had a fight,” Loki exhaled. “It was not pretty.”

“But you are going to work it out, right?” Thor sighed when Loki said nothing. “Oh, come on, brother. You must talk to them.”

“I will. At some point.”

With some final words of encouragement, Thor let his brother be. Loki took a deep breath and reentered his room. You were sitting up on the couch, twiddling with your thumbs, eyes cast down. He tentatively sat at the end by your feet. Elbows on his knees, he buried his head in his hands.

“Well,” he said to the floor, “are we going to talk about it?”

He felt you flinch at how angry he sounded, while he mentally kicked himself for the same reason. He peeked out from behind his hands, trying to compose himself so he could speak to you in a calm voice.

“I mean,” you said, “if that’s what you want.”

“Oh, and you do not want it?” he snapped, silently cursing himself again.

“Please,” you scoffed, “don’t do anything for my sake.”

Now you were both angry at yourselves, and completely honestly, the other too. When it became clear neither of you was going to say anything else, Loki stood to leave. He spun back around when he heard you mumble something under your breath.

“I’m sorry, darling,” he said in a too-sweet voice, making the pet name sound more like a threat or a mockery than anything else. “I did not quite get that. Would you like to speak up?”

“Yeah,” you snarled, this time loud enough for him to hear. “I said, ‘so you’re really just gonna walk out again, huh?’”

“Oh, allow me to apologize. I must have been making myself a martyr again, hmm? Was that not what you said last night? Or perhaps that was just me blowing things out of proportion again?” He looked down at you as a panic flooded every inch of your body. Loki wanted to stop, but his floodgates had been opened. “But I thought that no one cared to listen to me. Again, I do believe those are your words, not mine.”

“That’s not- I didn’t- I’m not-” you struggled to form a coherent sentence. “I didn’t mean that!”

“No? But it is what you said. Perhaps it was that ever condemning Freudian slip of the tongue? Or do you think yourself so special, mortal, that you care? For I know no one else ever has; I did not need you to tell me that,” he spat.

“You know what?” you laughed without mirth. “You’re right, this isn’t what I want.”

Loki knew he’d pushed too far. His voice grew immensely softer as he spoke again. Not in a kind way, but in a way that showed he was afraid.

“And what exactly, do you mean by ‘this’?”

“This, what we’re doing now. I don’t know what it is, but if it’s your way of talking about what’s wrong and working it out, it’s not what I want. I guess you should just go, Loki.”

Loki hated himself. No, that wasn’t strong enough. He loathed himself, utterly and completely. He slammed the door behind him, and immediately sank back against it, falling to the floor. Neither of you heard the other’s sobs over your the sound of your own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Though Monday was only two days after Steve told you it would be the date of Loki’s arrival, it felt like years elapsed in those forty-eight hours. By some miracle that, you thought with a tiny laugh, Loki would have said was thanks to the Norns, you managed to get yourself into a presentable state. Shower? Check. Teeth brushed? Check. Eyes normal and not red from crying? As checked as it could be.

Steve had promised that he’d get Loki to go to your room straight away. You figured if you two were going to have it out again, it should be in private. Though, you were hoping it would go a great deal better than last time. You could only hope that some time and space was all the two of you would need to finally work through this.

Your breath hitched in your throat as the doorknob turned and Loki shuffled in. The door softly clicked shut behind him, and you tried to quell your worry that your conversation would end with him slamming it again. He dropped his bag at his feet, and for a second, the world stopped. You just looked at each other, both too afraid to end the moment of peace.

“I am back,” he gently said, opening his arms to you.

You took a single hesitant step forward before fully launching yourself into his arms. He caught you with surprising grace, and though he seemed unsure of himself, calmly rubbed your back.

“Can we... Can we try again?” you asked, pulling back enough so you could look into his beautiful, blue-green eyes. “The working things out, I mean. Can we try that again?”

“Yes, my darling.” The pet name had returned to something more gentle, holding the usual care and affection it did. “I’d love nothing more.”

Hand in hand, you walked toward the couch. This time you sat with bodies angling towards each other, already starting off on a high note. It made both of you feel the other was much more willing to listen to what you had to say.

“Shall I start?” he asked, cupping your cheek.

“No, I want to go first.” Your hand rested on top of his and you leaned into his touch. “If that’s alright with you?”

“It is. Please, speak your mind, my sweet.”

You took a steadying breath before you began. “Look, I’m so sorry for what I said. I was frustrated, and I lashed out. But that’s no excuse for it. I never in a million years should have said what I did. It was wrong and insensitive. And I do care for you so, so much on so, so many different levels. I’m sorry I ever made you doubt that. I will spend every day of the rest of my life reassuring you that I love you, Loki. I love you.”

“I accept your apology, and I love you, too.” A single tear rolled down his cheek, but you knew it was from happiness. After all, several tears of the same emotion had fallen down your own cheeks. “Now, it is my turn to say I am sorry. I was unreceptive, pushy, snappy, and cruel. I should not have responded in that manner, and I should have been more open to working through the problem. My insecurities got the better of me, but I promise I will try to keep them at bay. Because I have you, darling, and I love you. And I have no doubt that you do feel the same.”

“I forgive you, too, Loki. I’m ready to put this behind us if you are.”

“Absolutely I am,” he replied, smiling—really smiling—for what felt like the first time in a century. “And, if I may be so bold, I do believe we have a week’s worth of kisses to make up for.”

“The math checks out,” you giggled, leaning in. “I certainly wouldn’t be opposed if you wanted to start playing catch up now.”

“It is like you have read my mind.”

You gave him one quick peck on the lips before he pulled you flush against him and kissed you like there was no tomorrow. Maybe it was because he’d been so worried that there wouldn’t be. But, in the end, there was. Because you worked it out. Because you loved each other. Because you were two hearts connected as one in the crazy journey called life. And you’d always find a way to work through your differences. For, deep down, you both knew you were meant to be together, would always find your way back to each other. There was nothing either of you believed more, and you’d never doubt it again.