#sorry this is so crunchy; as I mentioned 6 times I make these on my phone :]

[thetwilightroadtonightfall]

I imagine this is what I look like every time I make a post on this beautiful webbed site:

[the-tenth-arcanum]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

Tagged by @emozionidinchiostro ages ago

1. Are you named after anyone? My dad wanted to give me his little sister's name as a middle name, and I did have it on some early pediatric reports when I was a baby, but it's not on any actual official document, so technically I do not have a middle name, even though my parents convinced me I did. I mentioned my unofficial middle name to some friends at school when I was around 12 or something, and it became my nickname forever. Everyone called me that. The friends I've kept in touch from back then still call me that. Even my mom has me saved under that name on her phone. But it's, like, only 3 people now. // tl;dr: kinda.

2. When was the last time you cried? I can't remember to be honest. This might come as a surprise to you guys but I'm not a big crier. I'm just sad and whiny.

3. Do you have kids? No and I don't want any.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I don't think so?

5. What sports do you play/have played? NONE, I suck at sports and have always hated playing them. I mean, I've tried a few but never for any significant amount of time.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people? Whether they're nice/friendly, I guess. If someone is kind to me I will fall in love with them. I love kind people.

7. What's your eye color? Dark brown. I-almost-can't-make-out-your-pupil kind of brown.

8. Scary movies or happy endings? Neither? Happy endings if I have to choose, but I like drama. (I mean, comedy too, big fan. But sometimes you just want to watch a film that makes you think about the human condition and despair, you know?)

9. Any special talents? Misplacing things. Forgetting about events in the recent past. Petting cats.

10. Where were you born? Italy.

11. What are your hobbies? Not doing a lot these days to be honest :( Fannish activities (fanfic writing and the like). I'm in a funky pop-rock choir which I attend semi-regularly. I have attempted to learn Spanish at various points in my life and failed miserably, not always for reasons within my control (I enrolled on a Spanish course organised by the local library a while ago, and the teacher quit after my first term. He had been there for years. But I think the main issue is that after studying Russian for 5 years at uni, I look at Spanish and think, "surely it won't be that hard". And then I just... don't study it. I think I can learn it by osmosis or something, just by virtue of being Italian. Which doesn't fucking work).

12. Do you have pets? Not currently. I had a cat. I shall have one again some day.

13. How tall are you? About 168 cm.

14. Favorite subject in school? Italian Lit always, and in later years (high school) Latin and English Lit. At uni — I think English phonetics & phonology, weirdly enough; also pragmatics and anything related to sociolinguistics.

15. Dream job? Something to do with creative writing, in an ideal world. Or even "just writing", but not the kind that makes me want to kms (don't ask). Copywriter or radio scriptwriter both sound cool.

No pressure tagging: @nevergonnasaygoodbi @sapphicdragonlord @ayebydan @marki9 @yeetthedragon @valsansretovr @groundbreakingdot872 @vi-visected @crunchy-soup222 @fuckyeahsnackables

(ETA: sorry it's not 15 people and it's not even all mutuals, which I think was the point of the game, but *turns around and starts running away*)

[write-in-time]

If you enjoyed/are enjoying Baldur's Gate 3 I beg you to try out Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous. This is a long post about why.

The scope is huge, the companions are wonderful, and the dungeon delving is fun. There are some really impressive set pieces even given its more limited presentation.

Did I mention the companions are wonderful? Pathfinder still uses the alignment system 5E has since ditched, but I was impressed with how well it made "Evil" characters still work as comrades or love interests even if you're playing a purely "Good" protagonist. Alignment is a simple system, but these people are complicated.

I love that they form friendships outside of the player and interact with each other in skits and during conversations. I like that there are some pretty wild swings their arcs can take depending on your encouragement down one path or another, even if I will never be able to make some of the Evil choices myself.

A few warnings:

-Pathfinder is a significantly more complicated, crunchy system than 5E. It can be pretty intimidating making a character and leveling up. Don't be afraid to use a guide, and definitely don't be ashamed of using a lower difficulty.

-There are straight, gay, and bisexual party members, so not everyone is available to the protagonist depending on your character creation choices. If you don't want to be disappointed, look it up beforehand.

-You cannot date Woljif without a mod. I'm sorry. I was disappointed, too, until I met Daeran, the perfect man, my beloved horrible beast.

-There is a game within a game mechanic that starts after the first act. It is basically a limited version of the game Heroes of Might and Magic jammed into this game. I like it, some probably will hate it.

-Companions can be respecced, but they're forced into their default class for at least one level.

A few mechanical things WOTR does strictly better:

-Controller support is less prone to bugs, and almost all items in the world are either in boxes or on corpses rather than scattered about individually. It's much more manageable and comfortable if you're stuck using controller like what I am.

-You can loot all of the corpses in an area at the same time, and it prompts you when you leave a zone to loot any significant drops you may have left behind.

-Your companions' skills can be used for skill checks in dialogue and out in the world. If someone has a higher Lore (Religion) skill than you, the game uses theirs instead of yours to determine what dialogue choices are available.

-It auto selects the character with the highest lockpicking/disarming skill when you choose to go after a chest or door or trap that needs it.

-The greater complexity of Pathfinder means you also get a lot more options for character class and progression. Build diversity is high.

-Party size is 6, so you've got some flexibility to bring along the folks you like rather than having to worry as much about filling specific roles.

-Two battle systems are available: Real Time With Pause (think ye olde Baldur's Gates) and Turn Based. I do NOT like RTWP, so I stick to Turn Based, but if you like that one, enjoy.

There's probably more but this post is long already. Anyways, if you want more CRPG after your BG3 adventures are over, give it a go. It's good! I love it! It's extremely long so WATCH OUT!

[missguomeiyun]

Bindae-ddeok from scratch

When I went to Korean in 2017, I tried Korean mung bean pancake at Gwangjang Market, one of THE largest & most famous markets in Korea. Pretty sure it was featured on some Netflix show. Anyway, one of the items the market is known for is this mung bean pancake, called bindae-ddeok in Korean. Koreans especially love eating this on rainy days with a bowl of makgeolli (Korean rice wine).

Bindae-ddeok is not only NOT popular here but it also does not even exist on restaurant menus. The taste & texture are both not appealing to the mass public here I guess. Acquired taste, you know? I recently watched a video where the guy was eating this so I decided to make it at home!

1st you’ll need this: mung bean!

This is a dry lentil; & I got it from Hmart.

There are many variations to this pancake but you definitely need the mung bean, hence the name :P

As for the rest of the ingredients & amounts . .. *shrugs* I didn’t really follow any particular recipe but kind of just took a little bit from each recipe that I read so. .. yeaaahhh let’s do it!

Rinse & soak the mung bean for a minimum of 6 hrs (preferably overnight, which was what I did). Ohhhh mannn there was so much starch coming off the beans. I’ve never used mung bean before; there was like more starch than rice.

A few of the recipes mentioned adding glutinous rice to the mung bean (& soaking it together), so I added some too. This was roughly a 4:1 ratio between the mung bean & the rice.

* 10 hrs later * .. they bloated a little bit but definitely softened.

Rinse a few times, & drain.

This is the other ingredient that needs to be soaked overnight. You don’t HAVE to but it takes a long time to cook otherwise so it’s better to soak/soften them up, & then cook.

You’ll have need bean sprouts.

So the fernbrake (cooked & chopped), mung bean, & bean sprouts (blanched & coarsely chopped) are absolutely needed for bindae-ddeok.

I added a small amount of onion bcos I didn’t have kimchi of any sort at home. The onion (/kimchi) will give the pancake a little bit of crunch.

Here is the most time consuming part...... the mung bean-rice mixture needs to be blended into a lumpy solution.

I don’t have a big blender so I had to use this small blender & blend in batches.. .

The result should be a slightly lumpy & thick ‘paste’.

I knew at this point I had failed - mine was too watery =(

Added all the other stuff to it. I tried to “save” it with an egg, & I think I’ve semi-succeeded. The thing is. .. the bean sprouts let out water over time so you gotta account for that.

Pan-frying . . . at the markets, it’s like deep-fried. Almost. There’s a LOT of oil, but like I mentioned in previous posts, I’m limiting the oil amount.

This 1st one wasn’t as golden brown as I would have liked so I adjusted my heat & oil accordingly. ..

Eventually, I did get a nice golden, crunchy pancake. It takes about 3-4mins per side but it will vary depending on thick your pancake is.

TA-daaaa~

Taste - [Sorry, I forgot to say .. I also added salt & a little of bit beef stock powder as the seasoning in my batter earlier]  Overall, a bit bland, but can use dipping sauce on the side. I’d always rather have something more bland than too salty. It was heavy on the fernbrake flavour as expected.

Texture - crunchy (from the bean sprouts) with some chewy bits (the fernbrake) & not very bean-y, you know what I mean? I mean, it was kind of mushy/bean-y but definitely not near the same extent as the ‘professional’ ones. I partially think my pancakes were too thin; I did it to save some cooking time.

Would I make again?

Yes, but not often haha it’s too much work & I need to have bean sprouts around for this, which isn’t something I normally have. I really need to plan it out, especially with the overnight soaking for the ingredients.

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Comeback Celebration: Current Top 10 TXT Songs

I was planning to release this the day the album came out! But then life did a life and I didn't; but now life, out of spite, is doing even MORE of a life, so I'm running away from my problems for an hour or so to talk about some nice songs that bring me joy!

1. Dear Sputnik

Dancing around my living room to this one will never get old! But I do feel like this is a weird choice, since I think if you asked me on-the-spot what my favorite TXT songs are, "Dear Sputnik" wouldn't even come up in the conversation. I guess I've never really adjusted to edgier TXT--like, I can't truly process that the "Our Summer" guys also released "Frost"--so most of the time I just forget that their darker stuff is actually theirs. But I really do love this song, which I realized more and more over the week-ish process of making this list. There's something so... guttural?... about it that makes it a real standout--it just gets better, and more thrilling, the more closely I listen to it.

2. Crown

I actually don't listen to this one all that much--definitely less than anything else on this list--but that's because it's such a perfect time capsule, dragging me back completely to a set of memories that I just can't emotionally handle revisiting very often. (I swear, most days just hearing those little beep things could make me cry.) And I can't not admire it for that, for just how immersive the listening experience is. Also, it's basically a perfect song--even through my tears, I can see that!

3. Our Summer

Same thoughts as "Crown", but I find revisiting "Our Summer" slightly less soul-crushing--if that's better or worse, I'll let you decide! Anyways, brushing the sudden flood of 2019/2020-era memories aside, the vocal layering here really suits them!

4. Ghosting

Yeah, I loved this comeback (see: the honorable mentions). I love how silky-smooth "Ghosting" in particular sounds, even though, when I listen more closely, there are SO many different textures playing against each other, all carefully placed to create a super-cohesive, but still interesting, listening experience--it really feels like a lot of care went into this one, and I think that's what makes it such a cozy classic for me. Plus, I just love shiny-sounding guitar!

5. Magic

A carbonated drink in song form. I'll admit, I don't know exactly how or why I love "Magic" so much, but here we are! (Which is exactly how I feel about sparkling water, come to think of it?)

6. I Know I Love You

Road trip anthem!! I probably wouldn't be nearly as attached to this one if that chorus wasn't absolutely EVERYWHERE on the internet in 2021, but, you know, it's not a bad chorus to have ringing in your head 24/7, either.

7. Can't We Just Leave the Monster Alive

My embarrassing affection for tropical house has become a recurring bit on this blog now, I guess. Well, here's another tropical house track I'm still not over! (Just you wait for my Chung Ha top ten list...)

8. Drama

I like the nice piano sounds!! They make my soul happy, like hugging a stuffed animal or eating crunchy things :) Oh, I guess the rest of the song has nice energy, too! But I'm mostly here for the piano, sorry...

9. Farewell, Neverland

I really underestimated this song--at first, I was just okay with it, thinking it was pleasant and sort of catchy, a song that's not bad to leave on loop for a while, but there are great production choices all over the place (the PERCUSSION.) that have given it a lot of longevity for me.

10. Everlasting Shine

Every single chorus in this one is Awesome and makes me Very Sad. The vocal performances here are real standouts!

Honorable Mentions: Fairy of Shampoo, the blue hour album cover (no not the song just the album cover), Wishlist, Way Home, Anti-Romantic, Good Boy Gone Bad, Thursday's Child Has Far To Go

[dippydippycritiques]

Love that I can't rebuttal my opinions through messages so I guess I will repost so you can see it.

Firstly, I got into Spy x Family EXTREMELY LATE. I finished it in August of this year before the second season started. As such, I have no idea how they run there episodes. All I know is from reading the comments on crunchy roll is that the season is over and we have to wait six months until the movie comes out, that's it. If I'm wrong, it's my fault, but that's what people were saying on the site.

Secondly, the show clearly sets up things like Anyas past and the dynamic between Yor and her brother along with many other things. Even though we have not seen them yet, they are clearly building to something. There has to be a big reveal soon and trust me. I have watched Sol animes before, but Spy × Family feels like more than that. Like they want to build the backstories and relationships between the characters first before they drop a bombshell on us. Why would they show Anya in that weird experiment building if they're never going to address it later? Do you see my point? Why mention Loid being alone as a kid surviving on the streets if he's not going to talk about it with SOMEONE! The show has teases and bits of setups for bigger themes...but they're taking so long to get to them that I think it's honestly hurting the show at the moment.

Lastly, no. How Becky behaves is not a kids crush. She blushes and makes weird faces over a romantic couple on screen. She mentions drinking alcohol to loid so that he might marry her. The way she reacts to him in general comes off as...I'm sorry but I have to say it...horny. When your 6, I don't think a lot of kids that age even understand what love is or what goes into a relationship...and the fact that she's drooling over someone that is three maybe four times her age the way she does is gross, I'm sorry. I did not like it. It was very uncomfortable and a lot of people felt that way in season one when we saw Becky act that way the first time. Essay over.

Spy X Family (Season 2) Thoughts

...

Thanks, I hate it.

I'm sorry, maybe it's just me because most people praised season two on crunchy roll, but other than Yor's cruise arc, NOTHING HAPPENS! I don't like the idea of waiting a year just to get 12 episodes where nothing really develops.

I didn't even know they aired the last episode last Saturday! I was expecting to get around 26 episodes like season one and we only got half that! And that's only a few of my grievances with this season.

Firstly, why. Why did they still pursue the whole Becky is infatuated with Lord thing? She is six, she shouldn't be acting that way. It's awkward and wrong I'm sorry. At least with Desmond, I can buy it a little bit more because it does feel like a crush on another...but this is on a whole different "This is clearly not ok/acceptable behavior" level and I hate it.

Actually, the two episodes before the final episode are, in my opinion, the worst in the series. The Becky one can go straight to hell, and the final cruise episode where Anya is bullied in class also sucks.

My biggest fear for this series is that they're going to drag this show out for way too damn long without anything happening development wise. One of the things I personally want to see more of is Anya's and Desmond's dynamic...but they can't do that because if they do, the show would be over! The moment they even remotely begin to become friends, that's it. There's really nothing from stopping Anya from going over to his house and ending the series.

That's why whenever Anya is smirking and is about to show off, followed by shock and impressed expressions by her classmates, including Desmond, I instantly know it's a dream sequence and they're going to milk that gag for all it's worth I know it.

I don't know what else to say. Something plot relevant has to happen soon, but I'll give the show the benefit of the doubt. It is only season two, maybe this is the filler season idk, but at the end of it all. I was very disappointed. I wanted more...and yet got barely anything.

Am I alone on this? Please let me know!

I guess I don't need that crunchy roll subscription anymore. I expected the season to last longer than this...

[thatslikely]

lined-paper confessions - s.s.

lined-paper confessions - stiles stilinski x gn!reader

warnings: mentions of fighting (scott and jackson predictably), strict teachers

word count: 1.5k

a/n: head full of stiles rn... requests for our favorite sarcastic boy are open right now so send some in!

Why is every teacher at Beacon Hills High the absolute worst?

Mr. Harris had just rapidly climbed your (highly opinionated) mental ranks to number one: your new least favorite educator. Giving you after-school detention, for doing nothing but watching with horror plastered on your face as Scott McCall, Stiles’ best friend, threw punches left and right at a topless, water-drenched Jackson, who reciprocated every strike as if he were nothing but a reflection. Seriously?

Previously, you had simply been sauntering down the locker-lined hall, Stiles on your right, passionately ranting about some unnamed problem that had him on edge for the past few weeks. You two turned down the empty, cinder-block-walled athletics corridor as he continued to agitatedly let off steam; the setting was decidedly unromantic given the unshakeable scent of overly pungent deodorant and mildew that was all too familiar. 

You clung to every word emitted from his mouth with an almost comical frown like it was a mug of steamy hot chocolate on a bone-chilling winter day. To your disgruntlement, however, his ramblings were stopped mid-sentence when Scott and his wealthy rival Jackson tumbled out from the dingy boys’ locker room, hands clenched in fists and eyes flaming with fury.

Stiles bent down in a rush, poorly attempting to conclude the boisterous brawl with furrowed, concerned brows, but he looked not dissimilar to a toothpick compared to the two burly teammates. 

“Detention for all of you!” Mr. Harris spat venomously as he dashed to the scene, his voice ringing above the grunts and slams that came from the fighting co-captains of the lacrosse team. “Detention now, Stilinski, McCall, Whittemore, Argent, and Y/L/N! Come on!”

You were dragged by the ear to the vacant library, a place which you often resided in whenever you studied with Stiles (often about mythical creatures, to your confusion). Posters that looked commonplace in an elementary school lined the walls, vibrantly encouraging students to pick up a book, or pen works for a writing contest of some sort.

Golden strips of fleeting sunlight peeked through the slatted blinds, and three gum wad-dotted tables were beckoning for the group of you to sit for the next two hours, or until Mr. Harris would finally decide that your soul had rotted away enough to release you.

You were sternly directed to the uncomfortably stiff chair opposite Allison’s, whose eyes shot daggers wherever they glanced. You flashed her an almost unregistrable smile, as if to say ‘hello.’ Slinging the loose straps of your backpack over your seat, your gaze flickering through the pin-drop silent room immediately locked on Stiles’ figure.

Boy, was he perfect.

The unbuttoned flannel over his shoulders speckled with mud from some vaguely mentioned adventure, his soft, tousled hair, that always had a lock out of place, his freckled face, that always bore some goofy expression, all of it. You couldn’t get enough; nothing would satiate your innermost desire for your lips to meld with his’, for your hands to intertwine through the hallways before class, after class, whenever, wherever. 

One eyebrow-cocked, knowing look from Scott in your direction sent Stiles’ umber eyes to meet yours’, an almost confused look swimming through them. He opened his mouth curiously, surely to ask a question, most likely something along the lines of, ‘is there a stain on my shirt?’, but before he could, Mr. Harris seethed, “Take your seats, now.”

Stiles whipped around, not wanting to anger Mr. Harris any further, and he took his seat. The room was quickly conquered with suffocating silence, which the snotty chemistry teacher was bent on ensuring.

You unsheathed a doodled notebook from your backpack, eventually indenting its pages with inky black strokes of various weights and thicknesses. Your habit of penning loose sketches, vague outlines, began one day in math when the clock seemed to tick aggravatingly slow, and every word from the teacher became drawled further and further until they dissolved into the hum of the air conditioning and the chewing of gum: the rhythm of the classroom.

The unconscious lines eventually formed to a familiar portrait: Stiles. Some would be tempted to call him your muse, your kindling of an elegant flame of creativity. You’d always nod your head in complicity more than agreement, for the smart, albeit rebellious boy meant eons more than that to you.  

You had just hit your stride, your wrist’s movements thoughtless and easy, when someone- rather something, hit the back of your head lightly with a small crunch. It was a small, scrunched piece of loose-leaf paper, ripped at the edge. 

You turned your head to the direction that the projectile was tossed at, but both Scott and Stiles appeared to be very, very engrossed in a hushed conversation, neither of their postures attempting to suggest anything suspicious.

You smoothed out the paper of the angular fruitwood table in front of you, attempting to read the almost unintelligible handwriting.

Hey :)

(this is from stiles, by the way)

Your mood lightened a smidge, a grin bubbling onto your face. You tore a piece of paper out of your notebook along the perforation.

Before you threw it in an arch in Stiles’ direction, you penned a response to his note.

Hey ;) how’s detention treating you?

(This is from y/n, by the way)

Crunch.

not great, as expected. I think I saw harris pick his nose. do you have any bleach to douse my eyes in by any chance?

You chuckled a little, a small smirk glimmering on your face for the first time this excruciatingly long afternoon.

Sorry, I’m all out. used it all after I saw Jackson shirtless. how do you survive in the locker room every day?

A smile lifted on Stiles’ face, one so inflated with abundant excitement (and hormones), he might have burst at the seams.

“Man, you’re down bad,” Scott simpered, nudging his best friend’s forearm.

“Shut up,” Stiles hissed with an eye roll.

just keep your head down and you should be fine. one time, Greenberg looked at him a little too long and he nearly turned to stone, like jackson’s abs were medusa or something.

“Passing notes, are we?” Mr. Harris queried with a malicious scowl, his knuckles white from asphyxiating a helpless ballpoint pen. He slinked over to the tables you and Stiles rested uncomfortably in, raising his brow in heavy suspicion. 

Stiles’ deep, dark chocolate-colored eyes widened in worry. “No, sir.”

“I’m keeping my eye on you, Stilinski. You too, Y/L/N.” 

As soon as Harris was out of sight, perched back at the desk and typing furiously, another wad of paper tapped your occiput. 

hey, y/n, there’s something i’ve been meaning to ask you for a while.

The note, while its contents wouldn’t usually spark too much concern, was subtly unlike the few ones you had previously received. The lines of each letter were neater, more methodical. The small blots of ink resting at the conclusion of every stroke were larger, deeper, as if the nib of his pen had rested in the liquidly black pool for a second too long.

Your face scrunched with confusion, and upon noticing your shift in emotion, Allison nimbly tapped your wrist and mouthed, ‘Is everything okay?’

You nodded with wrinkled brows while shakily scratching a reply.

what is it?

Your knee bounced up and down reflexively, clicking from your rapidly retracting pen echoed through the idle shelves and arrays of desktops. It felt like years, centuries even, before a reply finally tumbled at your feet.

do you like me?

(circle one)

yes? or yes? 

Your jaw nearly fell to the carpeted floor in shock as if gravity had been multiplied; your speedily thrumming heart was doing flip after flip in the cavity of your chest. Without a second thought, you quickly circled both of the ‘yes’es as if there were no friction under the ink-dispersing tip of your pen. Before cupping the piece of paper, you scribbled out an additional little note.

wanna go out this saturday?

Stiles’ anxious gaze bore into your hunched-over figure as you giddily wrote your reply. What if you rejected him (even though the page lacked a ‘no’ option, meaning that you would have to add one, which was even worse)? Was it possible for him to ask to go to the bathroom and just never return? Are there any secret werewolf abilities that Scott could use to make him disintegrate on the spot? 

But his overthinking was soon alleviated when he received your response, this time neatly folded into a paper heart instead of a crunchy ball. Each crease was crisp and thoughtful; he didn’t have to unfold your expert origami to know which option you circled (or lack thereof).

He grinned goofily like an idiot as his chocolate eyes glazed your response a million times over, taking in every letter, every stroke, the dot in your ‘i’ or the question mark ending your simple but heart-rate-escalating proposal.

Crunch.

stiles stilinski/teen wolf taglist:

it’s a date then. i’ll pick you up at 6? passenger seat’s already reserved for you ;)

@loulouloueh @when-you-wish-upon-a-starrynight @ronbrokemyheart @dylobilysmomg

if your name is crossed out, that means I couldn't take you! check your visibility settings so I can @ you next time!

fill out this form to be added!

[hawks-supremacy]

Part 12- First Day

A/N: Sorry for the lack of updating for the past like two three weeks, I was packing all of my stuff, but I am finally fully moved into my new apartment, sooo I should be updating what I hope is every Sunday now.  Hope you enjoy this part! It’s a little short.

Word Count: 808

Warnings: None? Swearing? Fluff?

Masterlist

Waking up to several good luck texts from the team you promptly remembered that you start your first day at the small store today. It was 9:30 when you woke up meaning you had time to lounge around before you had to get ready. After replying to all the boy’s text you decided to mindlessly scroll through tiktok until you had to get ready. After what you thought was a few minutes you looked at the time and saw 10:15 staring back at you. Letting out an “Oh shit.” you jumped out of bed and frantically put your stuff together and started to leave your room when you remembered you didn’t change. After throwing on some clothes you ran out the door. 

Arriving at the shop 2 minutes before you were supposed to be there you decided you were no longer allowed to watch tik tok before you had stuff to do. As you walked into the store you noticed that there wasn’t anyone in the front. You walked around the store until someone emerged from the back but after about 5 minutes you got impatient. 

You walked to the register and rang the bell sitting on the counter, “Helloooooo?” you called out as you leaned on the register. You continued to tap the bell until you heard grumbling from the back. 

“Stop hitting that damn bell! Jesus christ have you never heard of patience.” You heard Ukai say as he walked out of the back and to the front. “Oh it’s just you.” 

Looking rather offended at that statement you stood up straight and scoffed, “Yeah it’s just me, what the hell were you doing back there? I’ve been waiting for 6 minutes, yanno if I was a robber you would’ve been screwed. There was absolutely nothing stopping me from just picking up whatever I wanted and leaving.” 

Upon hearing your statement he rolled his eyes and tossed something on your head and started walking toward the back again. “Are you coming or are you just gonna stand there and look like an idiot?” You took the thing he threw at you off your head and realized it was an apron. You followed Ukai as you attempted to put the apron on and tie it, key word: attempted. Turning around Ukai noticed you struggling and gave a breathless chuckle. He gestured for you to turn around and grabbed the strings from you and tied it for you. 

After he was done he started talking about various things in the back and what you would be doing and what you were working on for the day, which was mostly stocking the candy and chips. You were just glad that he didn’t look at you because you were 90% sure your face was beet red after the interaction you had with him. 

After about two hours of stocking boxes Ukai told you to take a break, so now you were sitting behind the counter eating a bag of chips just talking to Ukai about everything. “So is this what you do all day? Other than the Volleyball club obviously.” You asked him while you devoured the crunchy snack. 

He shrugged as he finished checking out a customer, “No in the morning I help with farming. I keep busy. Why? Worried that I’m withering away in the shop?” You shook your head no as you continued to eat and started humming to yourself while swinging your legs. “You know I think the boys really enjoy having you around Y/n.”

You stopped eating for a second, a new found redness took home upon your cheeks at the statement. “Really? I don’t really do much, I’m more like a support system…” You trailed off thinking about how you mostly just root for everyone.

He shook his head in protest, “That’s not true, sure you root for the team, but you also encourage everyone to be better and put more effort into things. Even if you don’t see it you do help. Not to mention you help out Kiyoko whenever she needs it.” You smiled softly to yourself as you took in his words. “Alright I think that’s enough of a break let’s get back to it.”

“Is all we’re doing today is stocking?” You asked curious if this was all you were gonna do. Sure you implied that you’d be fine with just stocking but you gotta admit that’d get repetitive. 

“No, tomorrow if you get here early enough I’ll teach you how to make some of the food we sell.” You perked up at that and exclaimed that that would be super fun to do. For the rest of your shift you stocked and joked around with Ukai until his replacement came and you headed off to the school. You’d consider that a pretty good first day.

[words-for-holland]

Happier (7) | T.H.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Y/N ultimately makes a choice that might just change the game. Tom is out with Natalie and LOTS of questions are asked. Is Unknown back for more mischief?

A/N: Wow 7 already?? Thanks again for the support!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Masterlist

Choices

No one goes through life without have to make choices. Sometimes, the choice is easy, but other times it becomes the most difficult, nervewrecking thing one can come across. The worst part...there’s no one to blame but yourself if you choose wrong. The day Y/N broke up with Tom was the most difficult and heartbreaking choice she could have ever done. But what would you do if you were given the option of saving everything your boyfriend had worked for his entire life and breaking both your hearts for a time being?

Now as Y/N lays in bed, surrounded by darkness and her two friends, she is left with another difficult choice. “This was your home. Your real home is in London with us.” Harrison’s words repeat in her head. “So what do you say?”

Her mind reminisces to every amazing moment she’s had in London. All the laughter, adventures, and love she’s shared with every one; it was everything Y/N could have wanted. Then she thought of Tom, and how her feelings were amplified with him. He made her feel more alive, but now miles and hearts apart, life was lifeless. The bad memories start to flood, reminding her of why she was back here in the first place.The messages, the media...Natalie. It made her sick to a point she had to get out of bed and go to the bathroom in order to cleanse away the energy.

As Y/N washed her face and looked in the mirror, she couldnt help but notice something strange in her reflection. “Yes, that’s exactly how you look when you’ve been betrayed and heartbroken.” A voice spoke out. Y/N displayed a look of confusion. It certainly wasn’t Harry or Harrison voice. The voice was femine. In fact...it sounded a little bit like...

“Hello? Earth to Y/N! I’m right here!” The voice exclaimed, as Y/N turned around to the sink and saw a version of herself.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Y/N screams, backing up and hitting the cream colored wall.

“Calm down. It’s just your concious.” Y/N’s subconcious, casually stated as she took a sip off a nonexistant champagne glass. She was definitely dressed more classier than Y/N and her attitude was straight to the point. Traits Y/N had always wished she had.

“I definitely must be losing my mind.” Y/N shakes her head, her face plastered in disbelief. She takes a seat on the floor and starts to cradle her head.

“Oh sweetie, you’re not losing your mind. You just need help making another big decision in your life.” Her subconcious smiles, sitting down properly as she plays with her glass.

“Yeah...and where were you when I was breaking down because I had to choose leaving Tom or saving his career?” Y/N challenged as she picked her head up to look at her fiery clone.

“Well, I was hoping you’d have made the right choice then, but clearly looks like you’re incapable of doing that... so here I am.” Y/N’s subconcious gestures with a smile. “So? What’s it gonna be? Staying here or London with your man?” She asks fliratiously when she indirectly mentions Tom. “Here’s a hint. If you’re choosing to stay here, you’re choosing wrong.”

Y/N glares at her subconsious, her eyes filling up with annoyance. “Are you serious right now? After everything that’s happened...you want me to go back to London? God, I feel like a broken record. Why doesnt anyone get it?!”

“No, I think the real question is why dont you get it?” Her subconcious snaps. She stands up and moves closer to Y/N staring into her eyes, as if she was pulling out an inner truth. “You know that whole relationship is a ruse. You know Tom still loves you, and you’re the one spending all this useless time, trying to find an answer that you and I both know.”

Y/N stares down at the tiled floor, eyes welling up with tears. Her subconcious continues, “if you’re still thinking about those stupid messages and Unknown, just stop. Stop the bullshit. At some point in your life, you’re going to have to face the fear, the insecurities, and the threats. It’s a part of your life, and if you let that stop you, you’ll be miserable like this for as long as you live. Think about it.”

With a snap of her fingers, her subconcious disappeared and Y/N was left alone in the bathroom. The time ticking away as she stood silently deciding her future.

Back in London, Tom and Natalie had been give a stunt to pull off at the Kingston Farmers Market, where on even the rainiest day, the small quaint shops display their finest produce and trinkets. As the lovely couple make their way down the streets, Natalie wraps her arms around Tom’s as she snuggles into his neck to keep warm. Tom smiles at the gesture, but those that knew him, could easily point out it was the smile reserved for work.

As they walk hand in hand, Tom observes all the small stands and their beautiful displays, but one stopped him in his tracks completely. It was a small sweets stand that showcased their finest desserts and pastries. He remembered it very well from 3 years ago. After all, this was the exact spot where Y/N and Tom had their first date.

He rememebered the stroll they took as they walked down the cobbled road with all the wooden stalls lined up on each side. How Y/N ‘s tiny hand had fit perfect in his, fingers laced together, as they lightly swung back and forth. Tom could hear her laughing as she was telling him a story about her embarassing moments with her childhood friends. He remembered listening intently and smiling back, telling Y/N she was something else in the best way possible. Tom remembered how she stopped at this very spot, where he and Natalie now stood today.

“Do you want to take a look?” Tom asked, smiling as he saw Y/N looking at the desserts and pastries as if they were her first love. “You’re practically drooling.” He joked, only to get a slight shove from her.

“Am not!” Y/N laughs, keeping her eyes focused on the desserts. “Just admiring the view.”

“Ouch. Here I thought I was the view all along” Tom responds, putting a hand on his wounded heart. A moment of silence passed, but it was anything but akward. They smiled, looking into each others eyes. Tom took notice of every little detail that made up her delicate, soft face. He took her hand again as he lead her to the stall. “C’mon, lets see if we can find something to satisfy that sweet tooth of yours.”

As the two looked carefully at the display, one caught his eyes. It was big enough to share, shaped in a heart, and the best part...covered in chocolate and whipped cream. “How cheesy.” Y/N says as he picks it up.

Tom froze, his cheeks turning a slight pink. “Is it?”, he questions as he was about to put it back until Y/N stopped him.

“Cheesy, but in a good way.” Y/N says as she takes the pastry and hands it over to the cashier. Tom smiles at her, letting out a soft chuckle as he pays for it. They split it in half as they took a big bite, making sure to get every element of the pastry. It was soft, sweet, mushy, and crunchy all that the same time. As they each pulled away from the dessert, Tom noticed a little bit of cream lingering at the top of her lips. “You got a little something there.” Tom laughs pointing to where it was.

Y/N tried to lick it off, unsuccessfully as Tom shakes his head. He comes in closer leaning in as his lips touched hers, making an effort to wipe off the cream. Their lips lingered for a few seconds, slowing and reluctantly parting away. He could never forget how soft her lips were, and how a thousand butterflies exploded the moment he first kissed her at that very stand.

“Better?” She asks as she looks down, hiding her rather giddy smile.

“Better than I could have imagined.”

It was in that moment, Tom had woken up from his daydream of the past. “Tom! C’mon! You could at least act like you’re interested in me for the cameras.” Natalie snaps him out, showing evidence of annoyance. She grabbed his arm again as they walked towards the sweet stall, tainting the memories of Y/N and Tom’s first date. Natalie’s face softens as she looks at the display and then looks at Tom as he eyes the one pastry. “Look I’m sorry. I didnt mean to lash out like that. It’s just..I’m really trying to help you get over this and make you feel better, while being in this situation, but you’re not really helping me out here.”

“I’m sorry Natalie. Im just...not really feeling up to this.” Tom admits as he looks at Natalie with a solemn smile.

Natalie rolls her eyes, as she hears the same response from him for the 50th time since the fiasco happened. “Tom, I get you’re still heartbroken and all I told you Im trying to be here for you, especially since Harrison and Harry are god knows where. But I need some effort on your end. Plus you did agree to do the PR.”

Tom looks at her with digust, glaring into her dull brown eyes. “Only because your publicist threatened me pictures of Y/N and some bloke she was with!”

Natalie crosses her arms listening to Tom as if it wasn’t a big deal. “You mean her new boyfriend? And my publicist never threatend you. She just...simply stated facts.”

“He isn’t her boyfriend!” He says as his voice starts to boom with anger. “And I was stupid enough to believe it and wait for Y/N to say it herself. She told me your publicist worked with Y/N’s friend and sent it in...Is it true?”

Natalie looks at him, frozen with fear, her top lip shaking just a little. “You know? She called you?” She asks.

“It doesn’t matter if she did or didnt. Is it true?” Toms asks again.

“I don’t know Tom. I know only as much as you during that meeting. And why would you believer what comes out of her mouth. Maybe she’s playing you. She broke your heart and I dont see why she wouldn’t do it again by manipulating you with facts that could or couldn’t be true.” Natalie speaks out as she continues to look away. “C’mon the paparazzi are here.”

Tom looks at her in disbelief, scoffing at her response. He drops his arm from her hands as he walks away. Natalie stands there watching him, as she felt her phone vibrate.

Unknown

Pushing him away, pushes away your dreams ❤️

Natalie stares at the notification, her face turninng pale as if she had seen a ghost. This wasn’t how the game was supposed to work, and yet here she was. She knew exactly what the text meant and perhaps even worse...knew exactly who it came from, which made it all more impossible to fight back.

A few days had passed, and Tom comes down to the kitchen to see Harrison and Harry entering the house setting down their luggages and bags. “And where the hell did you two divs go?” Tom questions them, evidently pissed off that they both went somewhere without a word. He was ready to say more when he saw Y/N walk through the doors with her baggage in hand. To say he was surprised was an understatement. In fact he was shocked, over the moon. He discreetly piched himself to see if he was dreaming. He certaintly was not. Y/N was here.

“Y/N” was all he could manage out. “I..I..”. It had been months since he last saw her, and yet she still looked beautiful even if she had no makeup and showed signs of distress. It broke his heart immensely to see her in this state.

“Dont get too excited. Im only here cause Harrison and Harry wouldn’t leave me alone if I didnt come.” Y/N grumbles as she brings her stuff in.

Natalie heads down the stairs to join the group, eqUally as shocked to see Y/N back. “Oh...you’re..you’re back.” She states nervously and clearly annoyed. Everything they had set up was no longer going according to plan.

“I am. I’m gonna go set my stuff up in the attic.” Y/N speaks out as she awkwardly makes her way upstairs.

“You know what. I’m sure you boys have a lot to talk about, so I’ll just make my way to my room.” Natalie quickly says, disappearing from the room.

Tom, Harry, and Harrison were left in the room. All three staring down at each other. “You went to see her?” Tom spits out. “And didn’t tell me?”

“Tom. We need to talk.” Harrison says as he sits him down ready to speak out on everything that has been waiting to be brought to light.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts​ @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave​ @ifntelyinspirit @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco @racewife2004 @sleepybesson @greatpizzascissorstaco @andievgs @joyleenl @holland-bowen @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh

[vagabond-sol]

Layers Upon Layers: Cazhim

One: Outside Layer

[Name:] “Cazhim Delrune”

[Hair Style & Colour:] “Short Undercut. My hair is light gray.” He pulls at what little hair peeks out from beneath his bandana.

[Eye Color:] “Hazel and my limbral rings are a pale green”

[Height:] “6 fulms 7 ilms last I checked”

[Style:] “Anything lightweight, comfortable and practical. Essential qualities for a traveler.”

[Best Physical Feature:] “A lot of people seem to like the eyes I suppose...or maybe it’s the height.”

Two: Inner Layer

[Fears:] “Dying when I’m still needed.”

[Guilty Pleasure:] “No need to feel guilty about anything I take pleasure in. I’ve earned it.”

[Biggest Pet Peeve:] “Don’t half-ass things. If you’re going to try something give it your all or you’re just wasting time.”

[Ambition for the Future:] “Living to retire comfortably with my boyfriend after having left the realm better than we found it.”

Three: Thoughts

[First Thought When Waking Up:] “My schedule I suppose. What workout to do, what meal to eat for breakfast, what to tinker with later if time permits...normally I’d consider meditating but...crafting and maintenance have become my meditation these days”

[What You Think About the Most:] “Depends. In the field? I’m always considering how best to move forward towards our goals. Can’t get a job done right if you only wait and react. On my free days though? Xavier, checking supplies or tinkering. In that order.”

[What You Think About Before Bed:] “I just do a quick rundown on what I need to be doing the next day. Who needs what and all that. So more scheduling.”

[Your Best Quality Is:] “I’d say...empathy. I’ve seen a lot and I don’t mean that as some tasteless brag. I mean after years of running and fighting and...all of this. He says motioning to the circumstances and choices that led him here. I’m glad I can still understand others even if they are not my own or if they are my enemy. Even as I strike them down...hmm a little dark huh? How about determination?”

Four: What’s Better

[Single or Group Dates?] “Heh. A group date sounds like a mess waiting to happen. Single”

[To be Loved or to be Respected?] “Respect. To be loved by the people in totality is unnecessary and perhaps a bit daunting. Respect is something that we all need though.”

[Beauty or Brains?] “Brains if I have to pick one. Beauty has its benefits but I am not one who would wields them well.”

[Cats or Dogs?] “Sorry friend, but my answer is both and that will not change. I will say that my childhood guardian kept a cat. Grew up big too.” There is an air of loving nostalgia on his words.

Five: Do you…

[Lie?]  “I omit the truth when I need to.”

[Believe in Yourself?] “Always.”

[Believe in Love?]  “I am in love.”

[Want Someone?] “I already have him.” His replies come quick and sure.

Six: Have you ever…

[Been on Stage?] “Briefly. Not for me.”

[Done Drugs?] “No. I may not keep to my meditations like I used to but I still abstain from drugs and the like.”

[Changed Yourself to Fit In Somewhere?] “Yes. As I imagine all foreigners did to some degree when making a home here. But I am who I am now.”

Seven: Favorite

[Favorite Color:] “Used to be orange but blue is really growing on me. I assume my new attire gave that away though.” He motions to his outfit with a smile and a flourish of the hand.

[Favorite Food:] “Nomad Pies still. Crunchy, savory and easy to eat while traveling.”

[Favorite Game:] “I...don’t know. Been a while since I played anything. Hm..”

Eight: Age

[When Your Next Birthday Will Be:] “1st Sun of the 3rd Umbral Moon. Still a fair while before it rolls around again.”

[How Old Will You Be?] “I should be (Mid-Late twenties post Shadowbringers. Don’t like to commit due to the weird timeline stuff)

[Age You Lost Your Virginity:] “Hm. Don’t feel like talking about my sex life today. Try again some other time.”

[Does Age Matter?] “It helps in a lot of cases but experience is more important than raw age.”

Nine: In a partner

[Best Personality:] “Intelligent, passionate, good natured. Those draw me in but the little things, like how he accidentally thinks out loud or that hidden playfulness one wouldn’t expect from a master of the arcane and accomplished author.”

[Best Eye Colour:]  “Can’t say it really comes up.”

[Best Hair Colour:] “One they like I suppose.”

[Best Thing to do With a Partner:] “Chat hours away about each other’s passions. Shared or not. Something about seeing him light up and just talk and smile uncontrollably truly and deeply makes me happy.”

Ten: Finish the sentence

[I Love…] “Xavier.”

[I Feel…] “...fine.”

[I Hide…] “When I need to?”

[I Miss…] “Ms.Snow”

[I Wish…]  “the world would hang on to quiet peaceful moments a little longer.”

Noticing your posture relax he speaks. “All out of questions for now? Well, thank you. Its simple but it’s fun to chat even if it’s just you probing. Another time then? Safe travels.” He nods politely before turning back to his people watching.

And thank you @eligos-venator for tagging me! As always it’s fun to do these.

As for who I tag? I’ll go with @windup-scholar since he won’t mind the mention. Don’t wanna poke too many people since I saw a lot of familiar people in tags already. As always if you spot this and haven’t been tagged you should give it a whirl. Maybe even tag me so I can check it out.

[monstersandmaw]

If you’re still doing OC asks: 33, 44, 6 and 1 for Tokis?

Tokis! Everyone’s favourite cinnamon roll ooze friend :)

Content: mention of egg laying in the first answer - I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea, so I’m putting a little warning up. Nothing explicit (egg-splicit??? I’m so sorry), so don’t worry.

This whole post is basically me just waffling on about my own personal universe-headcanons of oozes and slimes. I’d forgotten how much I actually like them! I should consider writing another ooze/slime story after this bout of commissions is over!

33. Concept of home and family?

Oozes in my headcanon reproduce by laying eggs (I think D&D has them reproduce by splitting, but they’re also not sapient in D&D (correct me if I’m wrong), so I figured I could do what I like with them here). Tokis’ father isn’t in the picture any more, but he’s very close with his mother and his siblings - of which I think he has six!

44. Religion? 

He’s quietly very devoted to the deity which many slimes and oozes revere, but keeps his faith very private. You could definitely ask him about it, but he’s shy and won’t really open up about it.

6. Eating habits and sample daily menu

*rambling headcanon alert*

Oozes in my universe can consume nutrients in a number of different ways, but usually either through their mouths (if they have one), or by soaking them up from a liquid (like a sponge) through their outer membrane, which is usually impermeable unless they choose otherwise. Some slimes and oozes can only live in certain habitats, otherwise their internal equilibrium can be upset and they can dry out or become poisoned etc. 

Tokis is able to keep his form together by consciously creating an impermeable and intert barrier around his outer extremities. This stops him from collecting all the dust and grime and rubbish when he’s out and about. Oozes can ingest basically anything because of their highly acidic composition, but not everything is necessarily good for them. They have a bad reputation as garbage disposals, and some work in environments that are really hazardous to other life forms because they can just break toxic stuff down into harmless compounds, but not all of them can do this. There is a huge range of species of oozes and slimes.

Tokis himself has a mouth though, which is usually hidden inside his black goop (this is why his reader in Part One didn’t know he even had a mouth until he had to go to the dentist!!!), and teeth, which indicates that his kind used to be more actively predatory, rather than passive. He really enjoys crunchy foods like cereal, crisps and chips (not a big fan of fruit except strawberries. Can’t get enough of strawberries), but his favourite food of all time is buttered toast with marmite.

He hates imbibing fluids because they make his insides more liquidy, which means it’s harder for him to hold a shape, and he takes pride in his humanoid form. Not all slimes/oozes are able to mould their bodies into anything other than an amorphous blob. Having said that, he does enjoy being able to let go of his form at the end of the day :)

1. What does their bedroom look like?

Usually quite tidy. He doesn’t like accidentally having things stick to him if he’s not being careful about maintaining his form, and he’s definitely consumed his own maths homework on more than one occasion, so he needs to try and keep it tidy, but he’s not naturally a tidy person, so it’s hard.

___

Thanks for asking! I hope you enjoyed hearing more about Tokis and my take on oozes!

OC ask meme

[ootori-sibs]

Winter lodge host club 6

It made no sense whatsoever to go to the town for a second time, but it was a nice day so she supposed it was alright. This time they didn't have to guide the guests around this time, so Haruhi was planning on spending some time with the twins. She'd spoken to them at breakfast and they agreed that they'd run off and grab some snacks before sitting at the nearby park. They'd made their break for it the moment Tamaki had finished his talk about safety- something he had also done the first time they'd been to town, mostly just general safety things but also reminding them of the locals who'd offered to give advice should someone get lost or scared. Haruhi thought that was sweet but the second he finished talking, her and the twins were off running to the nearest store that sold snacks.

Kyoya had decided to once again stay behind, though Tamaki had berated him for being so antisocial. Haruhi couldn't blame either of them, she just worried about his safety a little, at least Antoinette had been left with him, she ought to be able to protect him should the worst happen. So Haruhi was happy not to worry about him in the slightest, just spending time with the twins without a care in the world.

It did get boring just sitting at the park after a while, so they got up and decided to wander around the town for a bit again. The twins wouldn't shut up about people's outfits, bullying them to all hell, but Haruhi had to admit she found it amusing to hear them mock people with no restraint. Any other host would make a sly under the breath comment, or simply not speak at all, but the twins were a law unto themselves.

They bumped into Takashi and Honey again, so walked with them through the candy store, Haruhi's hand brushed Takashi's as they watched Honey go positively feral over all the candies and sweets. She really sympathised with him, it must be hard to keep up with such a high energy guy 24/7, it was hard enough to keep pace with the hosts as is. She would hold hands with him properly if there wasn't a chance the girls could see. They had come up for little chats a few times and Haruhi was happy to entertain the girls for a few minutes.

They stepped out of the store, Honey bouncing around with a huge bag of candy, babbling about everything and nothing. Haruhi noticed that Tamaki was in the next store over, looking over different kinds of coffee. It was a run-of-the-mill grocery store, which struck her as odd because they already had enough food, though she supposed that maybe he just ran out of interesting stores to enter. She points this out to the other hosts, curious, "what's he doing? We already have coffee at the lodge…"

The twins shrug, speaking in unison, "probably getting a gift for Kyoya, he loves coffee that one." They didn't seem bothered by Kyoya's apparent caffeine addiction in the slightest and Haruhi was more than a little worried about it- she remembered when Fiyumi had mentioned that his father had banned him from too much coffee and had to wonder if giving him coffee was inadvertently hurting him.

So they walked into the store, heading over to where Tamaki stood. He appeared to be murmuring to himself, something about Kyoya eating more, and needing to be treated for it- Haruhi found it funny how he treated everyone as if they were a dog, especially on the rewarding good behaviour front. It was incredibly amusing to see Tamaki debate with himself like this and she was about to interject but before they could say anything, he spun around to face them, holding two little bags. "Do you guys think Kyoya would prefer chocolate covered coffee beans or espresso chewys?? I can't decide!"

Haruhi sighed, guess they were doing this now. She looked at the bags, pondering the question for a moment, the twins suggested both, but that literally does not answer Tamaki's question. She thought that maybe he should get the coffee beans, they're more crunchy after all, but they are a higher concentration of caffeine… however, that might also be a plus. "The coffee beans I'd say," she told him, confident that she was correct. Tamaki thoughtfully nodded, putting the chewy bag down- where it was instantly picked up by someone else. They all collectively glanced at this strange, freezing in unison as they did so.

Tamaki was completely frozen, he knew that Haruhi had seen him but he hadn't expected to see the man himself, he heard the twins exclaim something vulgar in surprise, but Tamaki felt unable to speak. Hirano glanced at them, smiling slightly, though it was clearly forced, "oh hello, sorry I didn't notice you, I was completely in a world of my own." He chuckled to himself awkwardly, clearly just as unhappy to see them as they were to see him.

He swallowed his fear, unable to keep himself from thinking about Kyoya in danger, "Mr Hirano…" he gritted his teeth, faking politeness though he knew his seething rage would be clear to his friends, "how are you doing?"

The man, dressed in all black, smiled back, nodding in recognition of Tamaki's question, "well I'm just here because I needed a distraction from the mourning…" he trailed off after the word mourning, which explained the black. But that confused Tamaki slightly, who could he be mourning but Shin? Yet Haruhi said she'd seen Shin the other night…

"Mourning? So did Monsieur Tonnerre shoot your brother after all?"

"What?" Hirano seemed surprised by this, "no, we never found his body… only his clothes…" he took a breath, clearly choking back a son, which Tamaki found odd, "soaked in blood…" no doubt Kyoya's blood, Shin being the horrible beast he was. The clothes thing stood out to Tamaki for some reason, although he wasn't sure why…

Haruhi was frozen, he glanced back to see her standing there, clearly having a bit of an epiphany. A few seconds later and she bolted out of the store, dropping her bags. Tamaki picked the backs up as Mori ran after her, both worried about their little commoner friend. The twins were just looking at Hirano with disdain, clearly not believing a word he said, Honey looked sceptical too. Tamaki supposed he shouldn't be too trusting of the guy whose brother tried to kill Kyoya. He just quietly said his goodbyes to Hirano and ushered the other hosts out of the store.

"What the hell is up with that guy?"

Tamaki sighed, shaking his head, "that doesn't matter, we should just avoid them for now, why don't we go find some of the girls?" He suggested something that might keep the twins entertained, Honey could tag along with him if he wanted. He was worried about Haruhi but didn't want to bother her if she and Mori were about to have a moment, he wasn't going to be that guy.

Finding some of the girls, he quickly got his mind off the issue by entertaining them; asking them questions about what they bought, complementing them, sprouting some nonsense about how beautiful winter is- and it is beautiful, it's positively gorgeous. Now Tamaki's favourite season will always be spring, but his second has to be winter, there's just something about the snow, and cuddling up with a loved one… Kyoya gets so very cold so it's the perfect excuse for some much needed snuggle time. Winter brings out the best in people, even without Christmas to aid in it, there's so much fun, and warmth coming from each and every soul under the cool winter sun. There's nothing Tamaki likes more than watching the snow land on someone's skin, it's just so soft and beautiful, a gentle kiss from nature herself.

So he tells the girls this- omitting the comment about Kyoya of course, and they go crazy for it, sharing their own romantic ideas about winter. He loves hearing how others romanticise things he enjoys, it's such a wonderful thing to hear, everyone has a different kind of poetry in their souls and it feels so enriching to hear how others view the world. Like snowflakes, everyone is completely unique, but since everyone is so beautiful and unique, they all sort of blend into one, a pure blanket of soft snow, but to pause and look closely at an individual, to examine the true self, really makes the entire larger picture so much more worth it- god, he loved metaphors!

Umehito also enjoyed metaphors, he had a poetry book he was reading to the girls. It was gothic poetry, but he made sure to only read the passages that he felt they would enjoy, he didn't want to freak them out at all. He hadn't gotten a chance to speak to Ootori about sending the girls home yet, but he was currently alone with only a couple of guests so Umehito was planning to the moment he finished these poems. He wondered what Ootori would say, hopefully yes.

He wondered if it would be rude to send the girls home early though, he supposed Ootori didn't really give two shots about manners though, considering he'd fed them to the beast. Last time the guests were inconvenienced, Ootori had sent them flowers, so maybe he would simply do that if he did send them home. That sounded like something that the girls would go for.

The poems he read were the most innocent and romantic ones he could find, some featured some children befriending innocent monsters, some featured a woman in love with a ghost- it was really a mashup of pg horror content. Umehito was never one for any sort of flat tales or storybook endings, but the words and metaphors flowed like silk and water, he could tell them a poem that's a metaphor for death and their only response would be to think it's just a vapid rhyme about butterflies.

The girls at Ouran were vapid though, at least most of them were, he knew a few personally that were a little more three dimensional then others; Fujioka for one. She was quite a fun girl, pretending to be a guy was quite an interesting thing for her to have done, and Umehito would love to learn the motive behind that, but he hadn't really talked to her properly before, so he had no clue how that'd even go.

One of the girls had already fallen asleep, her head resting on the lap of the second, who was braiding her hair as she listened to Umehito tell the poems. Nekozawa didn't mind her falling asleep, he didn't take it to mean his poetry reading was boring as most would, he understood that poems were soothing in a way that most other things weren't- why else do people listen to music so much? Both of the girls had brown hair, but the sleeping girl had longer hair than her friend, so Umehito couldn't blame the girl for wanting to braid her friend's hair absentmindedly. They both heard the door upstairs slam open, the girl looked at him in concern, "that didn't sound nice, what do you think happened?"

He shrugged, not wanting to panic her but genuinely not knowing what the noise was other than the door going. "Someone was probably just excited to get back into the warmth, not to worry my dear."

"Don't call me that," her face was now one of disgust, clearly not enjoying Umehito's attempt to charm her like Souh-san would, "it's creepy."

Nekozawa nodded, point taken, he wasn't meaning to scare her, he was doing his best actually. It just so happened that he was a scary guy in general, Reiko wouldn't think he was being creepy, Reiko was his best friend… "my apologies, I won't do it again." Maybe he'd text his fellow club members, let them know he's doing alright. He wondered if they'd be worried about him, he couldn't remember if they'd let him know where he was going… probably not, knowing him.

[brytmoon]

i feel like i'm being really annoying about it to ppl so i'm gonna vent here about struggles i have that might be undiagnosed adhd symptoms since i don't have a very big following except for two close friends (sorry y'all)

1. hygiene, such as brushing my teeth in the morning and showering, is hard. it's been hard my whole life but even now, i'll stare at myself in the mirror or scroll through my phone as i try to convince myself to brush my teeth. (this may or may not be related, but i hate going to the dentist, too.) with showering, it's hard to find the time. i always make sure to shower as often as possible (which is every other day, usually) or i make sure i don't smell if i haven't because i'm scared of having b.o. with both, i have to motivate myself to do it with fancy toothpastes and mouthwash or nice-smelling shower gels and lotions. I'm guessing this is executive dysfunction???

2. I've been incredibly disorganized my whole life. i once thought i had adhd when i was younger because of how disorganized i was. I've always had a super messy backpack and a super messy room (it's really messy rn) but i always know where everything is. i had a ds for at least ten years but lost it a couple months ago in the middle of playing it. where did it go???? i have no idea bruh. and i lose my phone all. the. time.

3. i'm terrible with procrastinating. turning in projects and essays at 11:59 after bullshitting it either all day or mere hours before the due date??? a constant. having failing homework grades and having ntis in every class, no matter how much i enjoy it??? a constant. i once did a whole project i hadn't started on until the morning of the due date. i worked on it while in other classes and at lunch and turned it in 3 minutes before the dropbox closed. anything that's not what i enjoy or zaps the fun out of what i enjoy, i procrastinate with. I've sat in front of the computer screen and almost cried so many times because i couldn't get myself to type up a scholarship essay, which OBVIOUSLY would greatly benefit me as a broke college student, but it doesn't matter bc my brain thinks it's boring so why not push it off?? because i procrastinate, i tend to overwhelm myself so much that i break down at least once when an assignment's due because I've formed a terrible habit of pushing myself to overexertion to get a project done that's meant to be done gradually.

4. bouncing off that last point, I'm terrible with time management and remembering events/due dates/assignments to complete. I've tried using schedule apps and alarms. I've tried to plan out my days. I've tried forming routines and habits to get things done at appropriate times and it doesn't work. that schedule app i downloaded and spent so much time filling out? completely forgotten in a week or two. i swipe away the notifications and pay no attention to them. since everything's virtual now, there have been important college information zoom calls, but i forget about them and miss them. i can't remember events, due dates, or assignments if i don't write them down. since i meet every other day or sometimes once a week for a specific class in college, i can easily forget something mentioned earlier that week that's due the next week over the weekend. i have to remember to write in my agenda in order to remember to do something important, which can be stressful and convoluted 🙃🙃 so my bad time management results in further procrastination and missed opportunities, which makes me feel awful about myself late at night when all i can think about is what i should've done better or differently.

5. chores and hobbies are... interesting. when i do get the energy or motivation to clean or draw, i will hyperfocus on them. if i finally feel like cleaning, I'll skip breakfast and/or lunch and won't take care of myself until I'm done. same happens with drawing. and as stupid or funny as it sounds, i find getting up to go pee so annoying!!!! I'm in the middle of doing something i FINALLY want to do and then i have to get up to go use the bathroom. i don't want to break my concentration bc it's an inconvenience. then with hobbies (y'know, things i want to do and enjoy) i procrastinate!! I've been trying to watch atla since everyone loves it and i like it too, but i put off watching it and other shows like crazy. i play instruments and love to do so, but don't practice very often and spend a couple hours doing so when i do because i remember how fun it is. when i do laundry, I'll remember to put the clothes in the washing machine and start it. but then I'll forget to either put them in the dryer, take them out of the dryer, or fold them. i often have to rewash loads because I'll forget they're in there or I'll have a pile of clothes sitting on my bed for days because i procrastinate with folding them and putting them up.

6. i am the most motivated and have the most energy at night. over the summer, I'd stay up until 4 or 5 am on a regular basis. I'd be the most productive during that time but my sleeping schedule would be so off because of it.

7. so people with adhd crave things that produce dopamine, right? well i snack on candy all the time. and i mean it when i say it's ALL THE TIME. my favorite one is red hots because they're crunchy and spicy. eating candy helps me focus and is probably a form of me seeking more stimulation, but it's bad because of my teeth hygiene issues and me hating to go to the dentist. i also can't do tasks quietly. i have to be listening to music or watching a video while working on something and there are times when i want to do both while working??? so now when i watch something or listen to music without working, i tend to need something to do so i scroll through Instagram while having the show on even though it makes me miss what's happening sometimes.

8. i don't really fidget much i don't think?? but i do weird stuff while listening to someone talk. in school, i often doodled on my worksheets and got in trouble for it. I'd draw eyes in the margins, characters I'm fixated on, squiggly lines, and would color in my o's. or while listening to a family member vent, i dance around or listen while scrolling through Instagram. i also have a baaad habit of picking at my skin (dermatillomania). I'd focus on picking scabs for a really long time when i was alone and bored and have scars on my face and legs from doing it. I've picked at my face since i was a kid and absent mindedly do it every day.

9. i can get quite distracted and have to ask for directions to be repeated because i won't hear them?? like my brain won't process what someone said until they say it again when i'm actually fully paying attention. my mom will ask me to run an errand for her and she'll need to repeat it to me because i'll get distracted while she's explaining or i'll forget what she said after walking away. i get off track in conversations a lot and can't really listen well when there's a lot of other noise going on, like in cafeterias. i'll be talking to one friend and hear another interesting conversation down the table and pause while speaking bc my attention shifted. i also can lose my train of thought quite easily when waiting to speak and forget what i was saying and not be able to remember it for the life of me. so I'll interrupt sometimes so i don't forget

10. when talking to friends, i feel like i talk about myself a lot. i like to use my personal experiences to connect with what they said and be empathetic to them, but i worry this comes off as being conceited. i heard that it might be an adhd thing i do to keep myself engaged in the conversation.

i think that's all of them??? I'm so sorry to anyone who has to scroll through all this jgjrjrj but i guess it's good to make note of this stuff in some way because i articulate my feelings better when typing instead of speaking. and this'll be helpful to reference when chatting with a future therapist which i will hopefully get soon! and if anyone sits through this and has any advice, I'm all ears!!

[beautiful-de4mity]

Alice Nine Music Review: [15th Anniversary Best Album] Fugetsu no Uta Edition

It’s funny that I’m actually in the middle of work and my autistic ADD brain whispered: why don’t you review and compare those tracks in Fugetsu no Uta with the original ones? 🤡 I mean, well, this album is certainly the main reason I decided to end my hiatus period as a fangirl (from 2015) and get back on track to Alice Nine and The GazettE last year so I have no reason to resist, right? 😂 I wrote this based on my objective POV, might spark disagreement between other fellow Kyuugumis but I’m very happy to discuss things further eheheheheh 😂

P.S. All of the picture were taken from FAIX website! Kudos to them for always providing us with high quality Alice Nine materials!

1. NUMBER SIX

Objectively speaking from my point of view, I love the original version more because it sounded more アリス九號.-ish. Fugetsu no Uta’s version, however, is very neat! I’m surprised to notice that in some ways the sound becomes more mature and well-arranged. They changed the keys in some parts and removed several details compared to the original version and that’s what made me feel off somehow. To me, NUMBER SIX will always portray that image of youth, recklessness, vandalism, and messy things (lmao). not to mention the MV where they (again and again) tried to be actors and added some background story😂 This entire album is basically showing off Shou’s progress in technique and vocal range respectively. I’m so proud of him! To be honest, I prefer his current voice tone compared to the earlier era of Alice Nine, what about you?

I think what makes Alice Nine music unique are their distinctive and detailed sound, also subtleties. That’s why the original NUMBER SIX is waaay better than Fugetsu no Uta’s in my opinion.🎸

2. -Dice-

It’s funny because I never really listen to -Dice- before and since it is included in the latest album, I finally paid attention to it😂 This song has strong “Yami ni Chiru Sakura” vibe to me. Basically, nice progression and arrangement. I think -Dice- is the kind of song the fans want to listen again after a long time, the kind of song with bold distortion, heavy beat, and screamo. Alice Nine is known to experiment a lot with their music, Hiroto said it himself several times during his live stream. Nevertheless, their two latest albums released in 2020 (Nightless City Eden and Wonderland With Black) somehow showed that their sound is more popish and lighter nowadays. I wonder if it’s either because Saga is head over heels with Kenty or Shou is so into KPop🤔 Thoughts? 

3. Kousai

KOUSAI IS ONE OF THE BEST ALICE NINE’S BALLAD MASTERPIECES!!!!! Composed by our baby guitarist, who is surprisingly so good at composing ballad songs 😅, Kousai has that power to make you feel a range of emotions you can’t put into words!

Music wise, Fugetsu no Uta’s Kousai is adjusted half key higher (maybe due to Shou’s vocal range change), they don’t use acoustic guitar, the chord progression is also different especially in pre-chorus and bridge parts, plus the solo is also different. Both versions have orchestral touch, but Fugetsu no Uta’s is more grandeur in composition. Again, I have to say the latest version is very neat and lovely to listen since Shou’s gentle voice really spoils my sense of hearing. However..............!!!! The original version has the raw, painful feeling that’s impossible to match! From minute 00:00 when the acoustic guitar flows until the end of the song (which is also filled with acoustic guitar only!), is a roller coaster of feelings that makes you question your existence. Whenever I play the original version of Kousai and the song ends, I can feel strange emptiness as if I had lost someone dear to me without knowing who it is 😭 and that’s why it’s hard for me to decide which one is better. I’d say both versions are equally great! I really can picture this song as an ending theme of a sad dorama/movie.

4. RAINBOWS

THE ORIGINAL ONE WINS! looooooooool 😂😂😂😂😂😂 I’m really sorry, I don’t even need to think twice to decide this. RAINBOWS is best of the best and I’d actually love to keep it original (sorry, boys 😓). I don’t have much to say about the Fugetsu no Uta’s version since they don’t add much change either. The original version has Saga’s signature sound, you can feel his genius juice flowing out throughout the entire song. It’s like a huge power you have to unleash otherwise it’ll explode and destroy you inside. Every time you listen to it, you’ll feel energized and pumped out! I don’t know, it’s just Fugetsu no Uta’s version doesn’t have that power. 

Thoughts? 🤔

5. CROSS GAME

AGAIN....THE ORIGINAL ONE WINS!!!! 😂 I don’t know why but I think they shouldn’t have included their iconic songs such as RAINBOWS and CROSS GAME in this album unless they’re keeping the original arrangement (re-mixing is okay but re-arrangement, re-record? 🤔), the songs are really losing their magic and power somehow. They also don’t add significant change into the songs compared to the other ones, why bother to re-record them anyways? (Sorry, this might sound harsh but I’m trying to be honest as possible 😭)

Probably the re-arrangement things work better on ballad songs or less upbeat songs since they adjust to Shou’s new vocal tone. Even Tora’s solo is not as powerful as the original one (this might also be because he’s no longer using his Ibanez. Ibanez is well-know for its heavy and crunchy distortion sound). I wonder if they said things like, “Let’s re-record CROSS GAME, but make it softer.” when they decided to include this song into the album. Thoughts? 

6. The Beautiful Name

They make a number of changes in this song and I should say the changes do not spark any conflict within me. Shou’s new vocal tone plus Saga’s voice as the background really go well with the Fugetsu no Uta’s arrangement. In some ways, Fugetsu no Uta’s version sounds more アリス九號.-ish than the original one because they change the chord progression and add more details. You might call me biased for saying this but the main factor that makes the new version more stand out is Hiroto’s ad-lib. If you notice, Hiroto adds phrases on both pre-choruses and bridge part, reduce the treble during intro and outro to produce softer but more powerful sound. Also, I love that they change the drums during bridge. The original version has double pedals sound which makes the song more rough while the newest version sounds more like anti-climax. To re-emphasize, Saga’s background singing voice also adds more point for Fugetsu no Uta’s version. He basically has idol-like vocal tone which you might already notice from his works (Volland Gump and his cover songs on SoundCloud), not only very contrast but also harmonize well with Shou’s.

Listening to Fugetsu no Uta’s version makes me more content, like there is a sense of fulfillment after the song ends. This is the kind of noise I want Alice Nine to produce more.

Wai, I want to write this review to the end but I have to get back to work😂 Please share your thoughts on this album because I love to hear other fans’ perspective about Alice Nine music. Be happy, healthy, and stay safe!

[bearsfakedthemoonlanding]

Gender Queer: There’s a Few Memories that Stick to me that I’m Sure Don’t Mean Anything to Anyone Else

[Content warning: mild transphobia, drunk driving mention, mild homophobia, mentions of abusive relationship, F-slur used for self (second to last paragraph)]

I’m sixteen years old, sitting on the kitchen table while my mom tuts around in the kitchen.  I haven’t come out yet, but I have cut my hair off.  Julie Andrews pixie that my mom tried to fix, but it was too short to turn out anything but boyish.  I think it’s starting to grow out, get a little shaggy.  I didn’t have any idea how hair gel worked at that age.  I was wearing baggy jeans and chucks and a green t-shirt that said “Meddle Not In The Affairs Of Dragons, For You Are Crunchy And Taste Good With Ketchup.”  My favorite uncle got it for me.  Mom is staring at me for a long time, and I finally turn to look at her and ask, what? what’s up?  She doesn’t want to tell me, says I don’t want to know.  I insist.  She finally sighs and says, “Well, I was just looking at you, and for a moment I felt like I was looking at the son I could have had.  That’s strange, right?  I’m sorry.”  She thought I’d be upset, like I didn’t know what I was doing, and while I felt bizarre it wasn’t because I was sad.  It was because I was happy.  She looked at me and saw a son, saw a boy, and something about that felt so right that I felt guilty.  I shouldn’t have wanted it.  I didn’t change anything, though.

Twenty-two years old.  Work got out at seven-thirty, and I drove the hour and a half to a different time zone to the only gay bar within driving distance.  Jackie’s in South bend.  Or Vickie’s maybe.  It’s dark, and I’m in a pick up truck and a black t-shirt.  The city can be dangerous in certain areas and I’m anxious about everything I’m doing.  Gay bars are different here than they are in Vegas.  Still, I bolster myself up and go inside, walk with wide shoulders and heavy boots, trying to feel brave to be taken seriously. 

It’s empty.  The bartender is a gorgeous person with long hair and lipstick and rough hands.  They laugh when I order a Seagram’s but oblige, and I torture myself trying to find a polite way to tell them how pretty they are.  My not-yet-girlfriend texts me and tells me not to be such a baby, to have fun.  I want to go home.  

Then two people walk in, a man and a woman both shorter than I am, and they pass around a plate of vegan fudge that I’m dumb enough to eat even though it could easily be laced with something.  I’m a disaster with weed, each and every time.  I got lucky.  The boy sits next to me with the girl on his other side, and she leans around him to flirt with me, hand on me knee and shoulder and neck, and he sits there and smirks at me.  It’s not predatory.  He doesn’t look at me the way I’m used to men looking at me, like I’m something pretty and easy and delicate.  We arm wrestle.  He leans his head on my shoulder. I feel like a man. 

They dance with me, two more Seagrams and I’m no longer self-conscious, though I am blushing.  She drags me around by the belt loops.  He lets me put my hands on his sides.  She pushes me against a wall, and kisses me neck, and he places a hand on my chest over my binder and seems happy to find it, which is not a response I’ve ever had before. 

They tell me I’m the best of both worlds, half-way between a man and a woman, and that they’re bisexual and best friends and looking for someone to play with.  I play for a while, safe there in the public eye and probably pissing off the regulars there for a quiet night.  I tap out after four or five drinks and drive myself home, a little drunk, very unsafe, but absolutely glowing.

I’m eighteen years old, and in less than 24 hours I’ll be admitted to the hospital and put on a ventilator for pneumonia-- so obviously this memory is hazy.  I’d gotten up at six that morning to get work done before school, I’d struggled through school, and I’d stopped at a gas station before work.  There, I bought two doses of Dayquil, a coke, and a five hour energy.  I slammed it all and clocked in to the job that I hated.  It payed $6 an hour and was hardly enough to put gas in the beater truck I drove around everywhere.

I’m going through the racks, bending down to pick clothes up off the floor and rehang them.  Goodwill was my personal nightmare.  Every time I leaned over, my head spun and vision danced with black, and my heart would pound and skip so hard I was half-convinced I was dying. 

Someone’s sweet little grandma drops something in front of me, and I stoop down to pick it up for her.  She says, “Oh what a sweet young man!” 

And the friend she’s with, another darling grandma, says, “No, no, that’s a girl.”

“It’s a boy.”

“It’s a girl.”

They argue back and forth, and I’m too dizzy and nauseous to be an active part of the conversation.  I remember standing there doing my best to keep the floor from rocking underneath me while also glowing in adoration.  I was wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt under my smock, and my baggy navy blue school trousers.  I was an enigma, and I was overjoyed.

After work I would go back to school for play rehearsal-- my part was small, unimportant, a Pick a Little Lady in the Music Man-- so I spent most of the evening on the floor between seats listening to my friends talk.  I would get so tired, head spinning and heavy and eyes burning, that I would have to lay down.  Every time I was horizontal, my chest would heavy and coughs from the bottom of my gut would overwhelm me enough to have me right back up and doubling over.  Eventually, someone dragged me up to our director, who sent me home.  I insisted I could drive.  I don’t remember anything between talking to her and being at the doctor’s office the next morning, suffocating behind a face mask and half-collapsed in the waiting room.

He was terrible.  Sneaky, passive-aggressive, physically aggressive.  He was rude to waiters and condescending.  God only knows how I was stupid enough to waste so much time on him, let alone give him any power over me.  It started with a loss of virginity, when he offered blatantly and my dumb-ass brain told me “it’s now or never.”

It was terrible.  Should have known from that first night, when I went over to watch movies wearing sweatpants (men’s section), boxer briefs, and a pull over sweatshirt (hers).  He said, “you really dress like this, huh?”  He’d only ever seen me in workout clothes at our college sport club. 

The thing about bad men is that it doesn’t matter what your gender is, if you have a vagina that’s all they see you as. 

We were out on a date a few months in, bowling at a casino after grabbing dinner.  He’d said to dress up, so I put on my nice black jeans and a button up shirt.  He was disappointed.  We argued over who got to pay the bill.  I won, and he snapped something about how he didn’t have to waste his money at least.  

We went bowling.  Every bowling date I’ve gone on with men (3) have been absolute train wrecks in totally opposite ways.  This time, we spend the night at odds with each other, as he takes it all seriously and tries to give me pointers, and I do trick shots-- sliding on my knees and bowling belly-down on the floor and spinning around with my eyes closed.  He thinks I’m ridiculous, but I’m having fun.  

We’re walking back, and he pulls his hand out of mine and sticks it in his pocket.  He says “We look like homosexuals,” and I’m baffled, because at 20 years old I might be butch but I’m still a girl.  He says, “You walk like a man, and why are you dressed like that?”  He tells me I ought to grow my hair out, or at least put some makeup on.  He asks, “Do you ever wear dresses?”  Asks me to try and put in an effort. 

I bought a dress a few months later, and I showed it to him.  He frowned. 

When I look in the mirror in a dress, I see nothing but a boy in a dress.  There’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but when you’re not thinking of yourself as a boy it feels rather disheartening.  I had some weird hope that the dress itself would transform me into a woman.  I think he did too. 

I didn’t wear that dress again until my twenty-first birthday celebration with my uncle.  He came in from out of town to waste money on a elaborate, drunken celebration.  He has money to waste like that.  I dragged one of my friends along, my roommate since sophomore year, and it was the most drunk I had ever been and she was a sweetheart about holding my hand and leading me around and adjusting my dress every time the straps slipped down or I spread my legs too far.  Nothing makes me feel like a fag quite as much as wearing a dress.  I still don’t know how to feel about that.

In a way, I’m glad that he never saw me as “pretty.”  I’m glad I managed to be such a disappointment, and to crawl my way out of it with my life in tact and his pride rather bruised.  He deserved nothing less, but his gross comment-- his confusion, disgust-- still makes me grin when I think about it.

I’ve taken so much joy throughout the years in other people’s confusion about me.  At nineteen I used to proudly say that my gender was “confusion.”  To be fair, I am rather confused by it.  So are other people.  And in its own way, isn’t that rather wonderful?

[schneesisterss]

Into Stone- Part 2

Part 1 Part 3

hey y’all, I got some requests for a part 2 to this story so here ya go

you can also read it on ao3 here

__________________

“Could you pick up the pace?”

 Yang looked at the back of the girls head in disbelief. Blake was practically running through the jungle ahead of her, silently, might she add. 

 Yang was trying to walk quietly, she was. But her dumb feet kept stepping on a crunchy leaf or a little stick every time she stepped. Maybe she should take her shoes off and go barefoot like Blake. Yang shook her head, remembering the inch long thorn the girl pulled from her foot a few minutes ago, she didn't even wince. Yang cringed at the thought. 

“We’ve been walking for like 45 minutes, are we almost there? You said your camp wasn't far.”

 Even though Blake was turned away, Yang was pretty sure she just rolled her eyes. “It's not. You just make too much noise if I go any faster.” She said accusingly. 

 “Well I’m sorry,” Yang said sarcastically, “I’ve never actually done this before you know. It's not like I live out here, like you do apparently.” Blake said nothing, and continued forward, a good five or six paces in front of Yang. 

 Yang wasn't sure what to make of the other girl. On one hand, she said she knew what happened to those missing travelers, but on the other, she offered Yang a way out of this jungle, no doubt saving her life in the process. Yang knew the probability of surviving the night on her own was not good. 

 They walked in somewhat uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before Yang spoke up, trying to ease the tension. “So you said your whole family lives out here?” Again, Blake said nothing, so Yang tried a different approach. 

 “This village you’re taking me too, you said they set up camp there a few months back?”

 Blake hummed in response. 

 “Do you know who they are?” At the question, Blake nodded but didn’t slow her pace.

 “They call themselves the Schnee Logging Company or SLC.”

 “Ah,” Yang was all too familiar with that name, she was friends with the heiress after all, “Yea, I've heard of them.”

 Blake nodded. “The largest logging company in the world.” She sounded bitter. 

 “Why are they so far out in the jungle? Their nearest logging site isn't even close to here.”

 She was quiet for a moment before shrugging, “Because this is where we are.”

 Yang looked at her curiously. She knows Blake said that she and her family were the guardians of this land or whatever, but what does that even mean? Yang had no idea. There was obviously something… different about the girl walking in front of her, if the cat ears on top of her head were any indication. And Yang didn't want to be rude by asking the wrong question but… she had so many. The journalist in her was itching to get the full story. 

 Yang was about to open her mouth to ask another question, when Blake cut her off.

 “We’re here.” 

 Yang raised an eyebrow and looked around. “We’re where?” She saw nothing in their vicinity that could pass for shelter.

 Hearing a small grunt, Yang looked back to Blake, mouth falling open in surprise. Blake, spear strapped to her back, was scaling the side of a massive tree trunk with ease.

 “Hey woah! What are you doing?!” 

 Blake looked down at her from her spot on the tree, a good three feet above Yang's head now. 

 “The shelter’s up here.” She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

 “I can’t climb like that!” Yang yelped. 

 “That's really not my problem. If you stay on ground level during the night, you will die. I already told you, the forest isn't kind to those it doesn’t know, so either start climbing or stay there. Up to you, but if you die you can't say I didn't warn you.” Blake's voice was getting further away as she climbed, disappearing behind thick branches and leaves. Yang had to go to the base of the tree trunk to keep her eyes on her. She had clearly done this many times before. Blake hoisted herself onto the first thick branch that could hold her body weight and looked down at Yang, who was now about 15 feet below her, slightly amused at the look she was giving her.

 Yang took a breath, “Ok. I can do this.”

 Walking up to the tree, Yang put her hands on the first few bumps she could find and started to lift herself off the ground, feet scrambling beneath her before finding a small indent in the tree to jam her toes into. Using the leverage she now had from her feet being locked into place, she pushed herself further up the tree, right hand releasing from where it was to find a new hold. Why was she already breathing so hard? Finding a decent spot for her hand to grab, she started to move her left foot.

 This is kinda fun, Yang thought grinning, I feel like a monkey.

 Her left hand was next. Concentrating hard, she reached up to find another spot.

 “I wouldn't grab there if I were you.”

 Yang startled, she had forgotten Blake was sitting a few feet above her head, watching her.

 “Could you not, I'm trying to concentrate.” She said, still grabbing at the spot Blake told her not to. She could do this on her own. Gripping the small handhold, Yang started to pull herself up. She got about half way, arm bent at a 90 degree angle, before her fingers started to lose their grip. She frantically tried to correct her mistake by lowering herself again and straightening her arm back down the tree, but she came down way too fast. Her own body weight being used against her as her fingers slipped off the grip anyway. Yang hit the ground with a thud and groaned. 

 She looked up from her spot on the ground at Blake, who was still sitting pretty on the branch above her. She had a hint of a smirk on her face but said nothing.

 Yang narrowed her eyes, “Your silence speaks volumes.” 

 “Are you going to get up?” She sounded amused.

 “I need a minute, this is the second time I’ve had the wind knocked out of me today and not to mention I was literally in a plane crash.”

 Blake's voice was hesitant, “Look, I know you're hurting, that cut on your forehead looks pretty awful, but you really do have to get up here. We won't have any light soon.”

 Blake was right, the sun had already set and the light in the sky was getting dimmer by the second. 

 “I’ll guide you, come on.”

 Yang nodded and got herself up off the ground and walked to the tree again. 

 “Ok, put your hands where you first had them... Good, now lift yourself a little until your right foot can get into that hold.” Yang did as she was told. “Now instead of reaching with your left hand, get your left foot underneath you first so you can push yourself higher.”

 It took a second to find the foot hold Blake was talking about. When she did, she used the leverage to push herself past the grip that made her slip and to a much better one about a foot above it. 

 “Careful, now with that grip, pull yourself up while moving your right foot underneath you again.”

 They continued this way for a few minutes, Blake giving her guidance on where to put her limbs and Yang listening, following instructions.

 With a final heave, Yang pulled herself up onto the branch next to Blake. Her whole body hurt.

 “Come this way,” Blake said, “It's around the other side.” 

 Since they were higher up, the branches were closer together, making it easier to maneuver around to the backside of the tree. When Yang reached the other side she saw Blake standing on a thick branch, at least 5 feet wide, and next to her lay a little cot made up of grass and leaves. She had her arm in a small tree hollow that was carved into the trunk, searching for something.

 She made a sound of affirmation and pulled out a small bag.

 Sitting down on the makeshift bed she looked at Yang, who still hadn't moved, “Aren't you hungry?” She asked, pulling what looked like a mango out of the bag. 

 Yang's stomach growled as if it were answering Blakes question.

 She made her way to Blake and sat down next to her, taking the fruit from her hand.  “Thank you.” She peeled the skin off the fruit like she’d seen Blake doing and bit into it. She moaned, she has never tasted a better mango in her life. “Wow this is so good!” Yang said, happily taking another bite.

 The corners of Blakes mouth turned up slightly as she dug into her own.

 They ate silently, listening to the sounds of the jungle around them. Yang took this time to study the girl sitting next to her. She was taller than the average girl, probably around 5’9” or 5’10”. Still shorter than Yang herself but, being 6 foot, Yang was used to being taller than most people. Yang's eyes drifted to the top of her head again. Those ears were so fascinating, twitching and moving whenever they heard a sound close by. It's like they were moving on their own, like Blake was always unconsciously listening to what was nearby. A trait that was no doubt second nature because of her many years living in the jungle. 

 “Ask if you want to.”

 Yang's eyes jumped back to Blakes masked face, caught.

 “I...uh.. sorry I didn't mean to-”

 Cutting her off, Blake spoke up, “I know I'm different, but I am not ashamed. Ask what's on your mind.” 

 Taking a breath to calm her nerves, why am I so nervous, “The ears on top of your head.” Yang started dumbly, Blake just raised an eyebrow, waiting for a question. “W-why do you have an extra set of ears on your head?” She tried again.

 Blake finished chewing then tossed the pit of the mango over the edge of the branch. 

 “The forest gave them to me.”

 Yang blinked. That… made no sense.

 Seeing Yang's confused expression she continued, “I was born like this, so was the rest of my family. We’ve been like this for generations. As guardians, we need to protect this land. The forest gifted my ancestors the ability to hear and see better than an average human, but in order to do that…” She gave her ears a slight wiggle, making Yang glance at them again before looking back at her. 

 “You talk about this jungle like it's a living being, like it can think for itself.” Yang said, curiosity in her voice.

 “That's because it can,” Blake said easily with a shrug. “however, you're thinking too narrowly.” 

 “How so?”

 Blake looked at her, expression hard to read under her mask.

 “It… it's like everything in this jungle can communicate. Every tree, every plant, every animal, everything.” Yang could tell it was hard for her to put into words. “The plants and animals of this forest communicate with something bigger than words. It’s more like… energy. Like everything in the forest knows what's best for it. It will do whatever it needs to to survive as a whole.” Blake looked out into the night. “Like.. if a certain species was being over-hunted, it would mess with the jungles ecosystem. The predators don’t need something to tell them to stop hunting that species, they just know not to until the time is right again. Energy and balance.”

 “I… think I understand.” Yang said hesitantly, still not really getting it. 

 Blake stood on the branch to lean against the trunk, crossing her arms and sighing, “I've never really had to explain it before, it's just something that I've always known.” 

 Blake took a moment to gather her thoughts before continuing, “Think about it like this. If a threat came into this jungle, say, an infestation of termites that were eating all the good trees in an area, that would obviously not be good for the well-being of the forest, correct?”

 “Right.”

 “Right, so the forest, as a whole, knows this and sends a necessary counter force, anteaters, or whatever else that may be.” Blake turned her gaze back to Yang. “There is no good or bad, just balance. We will do everything possible to maintain that.”

 “Huh.” Yang said thoughtfully, she sounded so sure about what she was saying. Yang wishing she could take out her notebook to write this down. 

 “And that's what companies like the SLC don't understand, to have balance is to have peace.” She shook her head. “They're taking too much land.” Blake whispered, almost as if she were saying it to herself. 

 Seeing the girl upset, Yang changed the topic. “So where do you and your family come into this?” 

 “The forest needs us, just like we need it. It gives us shelter, food, and in return we give it protection. Most of the time, we are the counter force that fights against outside threats, ones that the forest can't handle on its own. That’s why we are here, we are the forests’ solution to provide balance. My family and I respect the forest wholly and unwavering, so the forest does the same for us. We protect the forest and in return the forest does not treat us as hostile, and all its animals know that too.” 

 “Woah, so you won’t get attacked by any wildlife here? Not even like a jaguar or a panther?”

 “No, quite the opposite actually.”

 Yang hummed in response. She knows there's probably more to that answer but she's honestly too exhausted to take in anymore information. Looks like the adrenaline was finally wearing off. 

 Her brain hurt. And her body hurt. Everything hurt actually.  

 Of course everything hurts you idiot, you were in a plane crash not six hours ago. Her brain helpfully supplied. Oh, right.

 Blake must've noticed her fatigue because she speaks up, “Go ahead and rest, I'll take first watch.” 

 “Thanks.” Yang said, but Blake was already leaping up though the branches, spear in hand, most likely getting a better vantage point higher in the tree.

 Yang's body ached as she laid her head on the cot. The quiet sounds of the jungle quickly lulling her to sleep.