#sorry this is really rambley

[superxstarzz]

pon the topic of uh, UT soul types as aspects (totally not related to the determination post/jjjjj it is)

would Bravery or Justice be like... Heart/Hope/time?

i think justice would be more of a Heart/Hope/Blood, ykwim? (either that or integrity, or perseverance)

hhmmmmmm... well, justice is definitely a blood mix. all of these are heart mixes for obvious reasons btw but. I kinda feel like heart/blood/mind works for justice. idk if it's the terezi influence, but mind always makes me think of justice.

bravery definitely has breath in there. maaaybe also blood? actually, I think time fits better. like every time bound player is really brave, too. so heart/blood/time

integrity. I could see rage as one in this. both integrity and rage relate to truth. heart/hope/rage seems pretty good, but im kinda iffy on the hope part.

perseverance could go a lot of ways actually. I get a lot of breath vibes due to the flexibility and driveness (is that a word???) of breath players. I think time also works too. nothing says perseverance like brute forcing time to flow the way you'd like! so yeah I'm thinking heart/breath/time

damn I did not come into this expecting to aspectify all four of them but I guess that's what happened!! if u have different opinions I would love to hear them! I loooove talking about this kinda stuff (even though I suck ass at explaining my thoughts)

[galacticlamps]

ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--

But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.

And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.

That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.

Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.

And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"

So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.

Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.

[cosmicaces]

let's talk about pino!

according to the whm booklet, rody's quirk is always active. she isn't always present, though. from what we can see in the movie, pino primarily nests in rody's hair!

so... is there a trend?

obviously she hops out when a strong emotion flares up, but it seems like she's also more likely to be out and about when he's feeling relatively safe/comfortable? she's present when he says goodbye to his siblings, she's present when they're settling down for that first night on the run, she's present when they're in the hotel, etc. etc.

there are only a few times where pino is present during an action scene. the first instance is, of course, during the first chase scene when she flew out to stop deku. she briefly remained out, notifying rody that they were still being chased before disappearing. she appears again when he's going down the rail, disappears, and then comes out of his hair again to check on him after he was almost crushed by falling debris.

pino was not present during the attempted betrayal. after leading deku to him, we can presume that, offscreen, she returned to his hair or went into his hood. the next time she comes out is when rody finally warms up to deku in the cave scene.

it's also worth noting that she is not present during the following villain encounter, only coming out for introductions when their safety was guaranteed.

honestly, the only time we actually see pino in harm's way is during the battle with flect, and that was because rody relied on her to not only signal deku, but to catch the flash drive.

why am i talking about this? well, and this is a far-fetched assumption that's going to get into more headcanon/character interpretation territory, but hear me out:

pino is very similar to something from another property: the daemons from his dark materials. for anyone unaware: daemons are the physical manifestation of a person's soul and take the form of an animal. they mirror the way their human interacts with others and can provide emotional insight into how their human is feeling, which is... like i said before, VERY similar to how pino functions.

with this in mind, one has to wonder if their similarities end there or if, potentially, pino shares some other functionalities as a daemon. namely... if pino gets hurt, can rody feel it?

i know that her main function as a quirk is to articulate rody's feelings. still, her tendency to stay out of harm's way really makes you think, especially since we don't see her get injured at any point. little roughed up, sure! but not injured.

[good-to-drive]

hiiii ur one of my favorite beatles analyzers and i know you have some Knowledge about family systems and ur interested in the psychology of paul... I was wondering if you had any thoughts about paul's role in his household and how that changed after the death of his mom? Often he is described as taking on an "eldest daughter" role ie more domestic work/emotional labor after his mom's death but I'm not sure if that's an accurate description. If you have any thoughts about Paul and Jim's relationship specifically those are also welcome :)) (this post got me thinking and i wanted to send it to you to see if you had any additional thoughts: https://www.tumblr.com/sleeper9/763295193962283008/from-this-ask-you-answered-a-few-days-back).

Answer at your own leisure ofc!

Thank you so much for sending this to me!!! (And thank you for calling me one of your favorite analyzers, that is so kind!) This is all SUPER interesting, because I can honestly say I’ve never thought of being parentified or placed as a Golden Child as gendered traits. 

It does make sense, though, that "oldest daughter syndrome" could be a product of girls being more often parentified and placed on a pedestal during their childhood than boys, though I know these more as phenomena that affect the children of addicts in general, not girls specifically. But that's more about my own cultural touchstones than anything else. It would be so interesting to look at these roles based on gender and who is more likely to be elected to (and accept) such and such a role.

That being said, I do think womanhood/domesticity might be a bit of a red herring here – taking responsibility for a toxic system isn’t an inherently female trait, nor does it have to express as caretaking or domestic responsibility.

(And, a bit off topic, but I generally think the desire to read slightly gender nonconforming cismen as women, or slightly gender nonconforming ciswomen as men, is a bit misguided. They're really best understood as slightly gender nonconforming cis people. Which is its own thing).

If Paul spent his childhood feeling overly responsible for preserving his family system, it would explain his anxiety, his perfectionism, his emotional repression, his need for control and constant validation – I actually talk about that a bit re: self-esteem here. But to my eye what I’m seeing is that Paul was probably a Golden Child, and that's actually something I've been wanting to think a little about, so more (and more and more) thoughts below the cut.

I know this tends to get distorted or misunderstood, but put simply, a Golden Child is the child withing a toxic or tumultuous family system responsible for redirecting the system to a positive in order to avoid potentially destabilizing discussions or conflicts. Admiring and praising the Golden Child distracts everyone from the real problem, the real pain, for long enough to push it into the drawer of things they don’t think about. 

I will also say, though, that this quote from Paul expressing financial anxiety after his mother’s death implies a sense of responsibility for their financial situation. So in terms of actual, practical responsibilities and a more straightforward kind of parentification, that was probably there, too. It wouldn't be incompatible with being a Golden Child -- in fact, it's so common to be a parentified Golden Child that this role is referred to as "The Hero." On the other hand, worrying about money doesn’t seem gendered to me, so I still wouldn’t really project this as a female experience.

As a Golden Child you are never allowed to be in pain, never allowed to be confused or afraid, never allowed to make mistakes, never allowed to bring anything into the family but success and happiness and a certain inherent superiority that can be very isolating. They're the one who’s always praised and admired, but at the expense of being allowed to be a child. They're the one who can’t mess up. Whether because they aren't allowed that luxury or because the system won't recognize their mistakes -- it's hard to say, exactly, but I think it's often both.

I'll reiterate, too, that destabilization of a family system is pure deadly horror to children. The best explanation I know for this is “If the mother abandons the young, they perish.” On a very fundamental, just-coming-out-of-the-caves level, children know that being abandoned is death. That even a slight hint of being abandoned is maybe death. And, within a tumultuous system, every disruption of that system is far more than a hint of abandonment. It’s abandonment breathing down your neck, telling you it’ll be here soon. And, in that way, it’s death creeping at the corners of your childhood, being the monster under your bed in a way that people from a healthy family system will probably never understand. It’s no coincidence that so many people with an addicted parent grow up to have brutal anxiety. 

I do feel like a lot of Golden Child traits are present in Paul's adult behavior -- the sort of "flagship" traits of a Golden Child are anxiety and depression, perfectionism, people-pleasing, control issues, fear of failure, workaholism, a deep need for admiration, and being incredibly, almost inhumanly good at suppressing any vulnerable, honest confrontation.

It's also interesting how Paul seemed to actually reenact this role within The Beatles, to thrive on praise, attention, and perhaps a slight sense of being a martyr, while also struggling with control, possibly because he felt responsible for things outside of his control. And it was never his job to be a truth-teller/squeaky wheel -- one of the biggest things that struck me after Get Back was how deeply he relied on suppressing vulnerability, his and others', to maintain homeostasis.

It’s also a good time to mention that we’re elected to our roles within a system, but we also choose them. If Paul was forced to be a Golden Child, he also wanted to be a Golden Child. So in the question of nature vs nurture, it’s very much both. You’re “elected” to the role, not as a conscious choice but as a sort of collective desire to perceive you this way, but you still have to “accept” the role (also subconsciously). 

People choose to accept because playing that role reduces the overall stress level of the system, and as adults they often have it marked very deeply in them that playing this role is how they’re going to survive. They’ve adapted to rely on the things that it provides, because that’s what they had. On an emotional level, that’s why people reenact their childhood roles as adults – not just because they don’t know anything else, but because it feels essential for their survival, and on an emotional level it maybe kind of is (although you can always change – this is psychology, not fate!)

I also think his dependence on praise -- not just preference for it -- is underexamined. A lifetime of constant adulation makes you expect adulation, and then demand it. This is the guy who said in 100 years people will listen to his music the way we listen to Mozart. And I do think people often believe these things because they have to.

So when people talk about how Paul didn’t seem to resent this role in his adult life, what they’re describing is very normal and expected, especially for someone who might still often feel like he’s inside that toxic system (as most of us do). It’s very true that Paul thrived on additional responsibility, constant praise, feeling like a martyr for things he chose. As much as framing a Golden Child as a spoiled child is disgusting behavior, framing a Golden Child as fully innocent of the toxicity of the system is a deep misunderstanding of human relationships in general. Paul made his choices, and he likely made them that way because it tended to get him what he wanted. They were a way to get his needs met. But it’s so naive to think this means he never suffered or struggled with those wanted things. 

I also want to add that society’s (reddit’s?) current conversation around Golden Children is pretty fucked up. The Golden Child experience might even be up there with narcissism as a brutal, life-changing trauma that has been repurposed to an insult. Which tells us a lot about how our society views people who had a difficult childhood.

To be clear, a maladaptive schema like being a former Golden Child can express in very ugly ways, many/most of them unintentional. The people subjected to the toxicity of any system a Golden Child is a part of, any system forced to structure itself around praise and reinforcement of that ego, aren’t wrong for feeling misused or even brutalized by it. Sometimes this is the kind of pain that splatters like paint onto everyone who tries to love you, and that can be just as bad, or sometimes worse, than what you yourself are experiencing.

I like the expression, “It isn’t your fault, but it is your responsibility.” Pain is a heavy thing to hold, and to cope with that in a healthy way is a responsibility all The Beatles failed (and they were ALL responsible for the toxic Beatle system, by the way – it was largely structured to meet John and Paul’s needs, but it was everyone’s responsibility to uphold it and they all did.) But the fact that they were holding that pain in the first place was never their fault, even if they sometimes failed to handle it with grace. Even if they weren't very good victims, and created other victims, and those victims weren't very good either.

I don’t like when people use Paul’s pain as a way to minimize how he hurt other people. A binaried mentality that sees experiencing and causing pain as incompatible is incredibly toxic in regards to mental health, and basically precludes the capacity for compassion. Paul was (and probably still is) a very difficult man.

But he’s also very normal. Very expected. Very human and real in a way that ought to make his kindness, his courage, his dedication, his endless well of love for his family more meaningful, not less. We can continue to see those things in him – and ourselves – even after reality has set in. Because that’s also reality. 

[acherons-blade]

i've been thinking of a way to word this post/my thoughts about how aventurine's ptsd is written for a very long time, but to be honest, the only thing i can say is that as someone who has ptsd-like symptoms, how hoyo represented aventurine's ptsd means a lot to me.

(more elaboration on how well i think aventurine's ptsd is written under the cut)

before we start off, i'm going to be talking about various ptsd symptoms as stated by the dsm-5 (source). i'm not diagnosing aventurine, but by how the dsm-5 categorizes ptsd and various things aventurine experiences, i hope to show how people can see themselves in aventurine.

first off, it's abundantly clear aventurine has gone through a lot. quite literally the first thing the dsm-5 looks into before diagnosing ptsd is:

aventurine has gone through literally all of these. from being hunted down in the desert, watching his mom and sister die, being sold into slavery, and it being implied he gets into life or death situations by the ipc (from aventurine's future saying: "When you were strapped to that electric chair by Iymanikan warlords, who was it that gave you the idea?")--to say he's been through the wringer would be an understatement.

now, here's where we get into the symptoms. it's a short scene, but upon seeing his slave chains in the maze, aventurine does experience a flashback to him first being branded upon seeing it. it's a short one, but flashbacks don't have to be very long (source). he also has it, seemingly out of nowhere, which is something a lot of flashbacks tend to feel like.

and after he gets the flashback and aventurine's future taunts him about it, he tries to change the topic and gets irritated at future aventurine trying to rub salt in the wound.

which is also something the dsm-5 notes as relating to ptsd:

and it's clear that aventurine does not have a good self-image of himself. here's just a few examples:

(source)

and negative self-image is also another symptom of ptsd that is listed on the dsm-5

and considering aventurine is also described as "reckless" by other characters (and literally tries to kill himself in penacony) as well as experiences nightmares, i think it's safe to say he has self-destructive tendencies

now considering how many of the symptoms he has that's associated with ptsd, it's really clear how people with ptsd can see themselves in aventurine, even if it isn't "confirmed" that aventurine has ptsd

however, and i want to note, something about aventurine is that he's a character who's clearly more than his trauma, even if he still is effected by it after it happened. although his self-image is that he's nothing without his luck, the fact hoyo took so many steps to humanize him makes the audience to realize that aventurine is wrong about his worth, and he is worth more than his luck.

from including the detail that he always kept his dad's shirt, despite everything's he's been through, stole his mothers necklace back because it's one of the last things she left behind, giving a gift to the trailblazer in case he never made it back, and even something as small as giving him cat cakes and a messy room in promotional material, makes him relatable and shows rather than tells the audience that aventurine has a life, his own preferences, and his own morals and wishes.

and the fact that he's so much more than just "traumatized", means a lot to me, as someone who has ptsd symptoms. i'm not going into detail for obvious reasons, but constantly being effected by everyday things really does make you feel like you can never "grow from" your trauma--especially since it's something you're constantly reminded of.

but aventurine being a character who's clearly much more than what he's gone through makes me feel really hopeful, you know? it's like a reminder to zoom out and realize there are more aspects to you than your trauma. it doesn't go away, but you can learn to live to a life beyond it, and i think that's a reminder that means a lot to me. and i love the way aventurine is portrayed because of that :)

[sevensoulmates]

I always make a point to listen very closely to what the lyrics are saying in the music over certain scenes because 911 is ANYTHING but subtle when it comes to their music choices.

The song that's playing during the montage of Eddie trying and failing to make a connection with women while golfing/hiking is interesting.

"I got High hopes, high hopes , That tomorrow's where it all begins , I'll be somebody's daughter , I'll be somebody's friend , I'll be somebody's part-time lover again , Chased by the devil down a one-way street , Made it out alive , Now I'm back on my feet , I got high hopes"

These lyrics are so interesting to me because it's once again placing Eddie only in relation to who he can be to other people. A son, a friend, a father. Never just him.

But what also stood out to me was the lines "somebody's part-time lover again" and "chased by the devil down a one-way street".

I googled both these phrases and didn't really find much "official" meaning.

But to me "somebody's part-time lover" really does encapsulate how all of Eddie's romantic relationships on the show have been. You see bits and pieces of it, flashes, like his romantic relationships are a sideplot in his own life. I also took it to mean feeling half-hearted about a relationship you're in too. Like how with Ana he was going through the motions, like how in this very montage he's forcing himself once again to go through the motions of trying to force a meet-cute, like he will once again with Marisol by the end of the season. Marisol once again feels like something shoehorned, something forced, someone for Eddie to be another "part-time lover" to.

The other line "chased by the devil down a one-way street" to me, indicates running from a supposed "devil" (ie. something you believe to be 'bad'), repressing something 'wrong' about yourself that you refuse to acknowledge. And the "one way street" to me indicates an illusion of only being able to go in one direction, feeling like you can only be able to take one path, and why does he run as fast as he can down this one-way street? Because's he running from the "devil", the thing he's repressing, the thing he won't let himself acknowledge. Because, Eddie, you're running. You're not in a car. You can choose to turn around and walk in the other direction, you just refuse to face this illusionary "devil".

Even the portion of the song that we're supposed to be paying attention to, the "high hopes" part, feels off. Because high hopes usually lead to what? Disappointment. "High Hopes" are expectations, literally. By the end of this montage every one of his "hopes" are dashed. Eddie has these expectations for himself that he wants to live up to, but when he can't, he'll just feel more disappointed. He'll have these high hopes about a relationship with Marisol only to be let down because he thinks he'll develop this deep, amazing connection with her but more than likely he just won't because those kinds of relationships DO NOT (I emphasize again they DO NOT) happen that quickly looking at you Evan "she sees me better than anyone after 1 date" Buckley.

It's just interesting that the song that's supposed to represent Eddie really moving on and being open to love and putting himself out there centers on only who the person is in relation to others, half-hearted romantic relationships, and running from something repressed.

[reel-fear]

Honestly, every single time the whole 'poppy playtime is a bendy rip-off' stuff ever shows up I find it all extremely unconvincing and silly.

For one thing, rip-off usually is meant to imply that it's a cheap lazy copy of a better more polished thing, and uh. Sorry but even from chapter 1? Poppy Playtime is a better game than Bendy, it has a simple but understandable story, the game manages to be thrilling, creepy, and very intense at times... I mean that Huggy chase in the vents ALONE puts it way above Batim for me.

I mean BATDR had the most slow stupid chase I've ever seen [and every other encounter with the ink demon is text telling u he's there and then a timer goes down and u get jumpscared] and batim's chases were either silly or just not nearly as theatric or terrifying as that.

When making the vent sequence I mean not only is it absolutely horrifying to realize how fast Huggy is in there but also it's so theatric and cool? The fact that you round a corner after thinking you escaped only to see a terrifying animation of that thing crawling toward you is awesome! I wish Bendy had stuff like that!

And all the stuff it shares with Bendy are generic things Bendy ripped from other horror games/media anyways. I'm not saying Poppy Playtime isn't inspired by Bendy I for sure think it is but Bendy is such a generic story that somehow fails to do tropes 100 other horror games have done any comparison only makes Poppy Playtime look better.

"It has employees being sacrificed for their company" That is not a concept Bendy invented, literally look at any of the sci-fi horror series Bendy is very inspired by. This is literally a twist in the original Alien.

"It has a scary woman forcing you to do tasks for her" Once again, not a concept Bendy invented, a scary mysterious person forcing you to do fetch-quests is a concept found in tons of horror media. And at least Poppy Playtime gave you a chase with her and let you defeat her, look at poor malice. She's barely on screen for more than 10 minutes before she gets stabbed.

"It has a cult worshipping the monster" This is something tons of horror games and media have done too. I mean In The Tall Grass has a guy who worships a giant magical rock in the middle of a grass maze, Bioshock [which Bendy has only been taking more and more direct inspiration from while failing to grab any of the compelling parts] also had a lot of themes of religion and cult-ish behavior, almost every horror media franchise has at one point done a cult thing.

Bendy couldn't even come up with a reason Sammy worships the ink demon, the best motivation we've ever gotten is just that 'he's crazzyyyy the ink made him insaneeee'. Who is the cheap rip-off here?

At least Poppy Playtime gave their cultist a motive for worshipping the monster + a proper boss fight that feels intense and looks awesome! Bendy didn't even let you kill Malice [she got stabbed in front of you and then just collapsed on the floor how thrilling] meanwhile you get to kill three of the villains in Poppy Playtime and the gameplay and action in those scenes have only gotten better as the game went on.

I mean Sammy walks into a room and goes "AAA SCARY I'M BEING MURDERED" then later shows up and for NO REASON sees a normal human man and assumes it's the ink demon before once again someone else kills him for you. In Poppy Playtime you defeat Catnap as he floods the world with this horrible nightmare-inducing gas that intensifies the color palette and his design. Fight off versions of him that are illusions that you need your flare gun for, then watch in a wonderful animation as he mistakes the monster for his savior before getting killed by it, in a brutal way I might add, which game are we accusing of being cheap, lazy garbage again?

I just find this argument to be people who Really Really need to find a reason to hate Poppy Playtime which I think is silly. The devs being weird, shady people is already enough reason to dislike the game, you don't need to invent reasons why secretly every part of the game is malicious or bad. But esp when I see Bendy fans saying they don't support Poppy Playtime or dislike it bc of its devs or even saying its cringe ummmm.

I have bad news about the fact Bendy's devs are worse and it took not one, but TWO over an hour long videos to cover it all. Plus the Bendy games are just the worse games in every aspect, if I could sell my batim copy for a copy of Poppy Playtime I wouldn't hesitate at all.

Saying this as a bendy fan, we have no right to be super judgy towards Poppy Playtime. If Poppy Playtime is embarrassing cringe, Bendy is too and is way more embarrassing of an interest. We shouldn't spread misinformation just because we all want to hate Poppy Playtime, you can dislike Poppy Playtime without making up a bunch of nonsense to justify it.

Honestly seeing people just blatantly be unfairly mean to Poppy Playtime only makes its critics look worse and makes it hard to take any backlash to the games seriously. Because surprise surprise if you spread misinformation to make a point people will quickly stop listening to Anything you have to say bc they won't trust you're telling the truth anymore.

[fulgurbugs]

sorry this is gonna be a tmi and gross period post but idk what to do anymore so i’m gonna vent online

ok so my periods are famously inconsistent and unpredictable. most recently what ended up happening was i missed mine for like, months before it came back with a vengeance and i had one that lasted over a month long. this one was also extremely heavy towards the end, as well as like. idk how to describe this. very fleshy. chunky. however there were no cramps or pain associated with it, mostly just i was spending a fortune on pads and tampons (i had to double up to be safe) while this was ongoing i attempted to look for a gyno in my area, but i would only be able to get an appointment after i moved back to college with at minimum a few weeks wait. so i ended up not making an appointment because it was starting to wind down and i ended up getting super busy with school starting again. i still brought it up to my doctor before this and eventually had an appointment where i managed to sneak in on a weekend i could come home with my gp where she prescribed pill birth control which i started taking as directed not very long ago. but, a few days after i started taking it my period started again, extremely heavy, and this time, painful. it’s been about 4 days of extremely heavy blood flow and cramps, and i haven’t been able to focus on my school at all or go anywhere, i just want to lie in bed and rot. im bleeding through supers in under an hour, and i don’t know what to do. i’ve contacted my doctor and should hopefully hear back from her in a few days. but i’m so scared that something more is wrong or that this one will also last over a month like the last one.

do any other accursed uterus havers have a similar experience and any idea what’s wrong with me? or what i should do? if this one goes over a week i’m going to seek more urgent medical attention. i’ve heard suggested from people i know that it could potentially be endometriosis or a cyst so if anyone whos following me has some firsthand experience please let me know, im having a really rough time right now. sorry for the tmi and all but im so extremely uncomfortable and losing my mind and need help

[i-drop-level-one-loot]

Omg, do you love transformers too? What TV shows have you watched or read comics? Which is your favorite generation?

As a teenager I discovered pirated sites (I often miss the older internet haha) that uploaded comics, as well as comics that were uploaded as videos on YouTube. I'd go to the library and read and watch other people read comics. It's how I got in the OG TMNT comics and got to learn more about Transformers. I didn't have the money to get into it until I was older (I have a thing for 80s cartoons, I have all of He-Man on DVD ❤️) so the comics were ingested out of order, as were the movies. I'm not up to date on all the cartoons, just the older ones, and a few episodes of a CG animated series.

So, the first gen, comics throughout the years, and a lot of video essays (I also enjoy having a range of useless trivia).

I love the OG cartoon, it's ridiculous and wonderful, but the comics I've read are a close second, because I really enjoy how the writers explore them as a species and a society, "fleshing out" (haha) the characters and turning them into something more than "hero robots" and "villain robots".

[chaosgenasi]

"mansplaining" is kinda gross to say about ashton, given that ashton isn't... a man...

YEAH, others have already spoken on this far more eloquently, and I don't want to blow anything out of proportion or rehash discourse or whatever, but there's this small subset of the fandom who have this fucked up perspective of Ashton? He tends to get reduced to “angry man who had the audacity of conversing with other characters," despite y'know. not being a man and what happens in the actual show

I have feelings about it, but I think it's a weird collection of Ashton 1) being played by a man (unforgivable) 2) neglecting to sit everyone down for an in-game PowerPoint presentation on what labels they use so they can be awarded the Nonbinary Gold Star of Representation 3) being a masc barbarian who doesn't perform androgyny to the satisfaction of certain people, re: nonbinary people in real life either being seen as "women-lite" or predatory, often determined by the gender we're assigned at birth, (which. don't need to say why that's fucked). Just speaking as a nonbinary person, it’s super easy to spot, especially, (as others have said and pointed out), when those same people just use “he” when referring to Ashton, (seen more frequently when they do something "wrong"), and just conveniently forget the other half of his pronouns. It's like a quiet way of calling Ashton a man without necessarily calling him a man, compounded by the use of words like "mansplaining," either unintentionally or not. But yeah! I don't know where I'm going. I agree, it's gross!

[cattailtales]

seeing the reactions to this latest chapter I can’t help but to think back to the first post-war arc and remember how little was ever addressed then too.. like dgmw I enjoy all these characters and think horikoshi is insane for trying to juggle so many but in the end he kinda like. Cannot handle it all. maybe he could if he didn’t waste time on silly things.. like I get that he’s trying to uplift the story in the end but it kinda falls incredibly flat with so many anxious questions looming and a rapidly approaching finish line…

[h0useofw0lves]

Louise please rant to me abt your Harry styles hatred

NOOOO I STARTED WRITING AN ANDWRR TO THJS AND MU FUCJING TUMBKR CRASGEDDDD now I have to start over. ok.

1) his stupid fucking pants. he wears these high waisted pants with absolutely no shape to them and it just looks goofy. like. if high waisted, why no waist? the fit of them is not flattering at all which is ridiculous especially considering he has a team of fancy stylists working for him. which leads me to my second point, everything he wears looks like it was put together pristinely by designers and has zero personality behind it. this can also be said about most celebrities, but if you’re wearing more extravagant pieces that you have no connection to and cannot pull off, let’s be real, it’s gonna look like a costume rather than a piece of art that you put your soul into. and I realllllly hate seeing someone make a costume out of an art form i’m passionate about. not only that, but all the fancy stylists still make him look like shit. maybe they’re just trying to modernize it, but part of what made glam so great was the extravagance and over-the-top too-much-ness of it all, and i think trying to fit that into a modern minimalist fashion (which i hateeee but whatever) approach isn’t paying it a fair tribute. they literally took away her sparkle. on a more personal petty note, I hate that whenever I wear things that are glam-inspired people think i’m referencing harry styles. it makes me want to kill. i definitely have more thoughts about this but this is all i can think of right now. lol.

this doesn’t even begin to cover other things, like the praise he is given that he doesn’t deserve, but i’ll keep this to the topic of outfits bad. anyways stream diamond dogs by david bowie and roxy music self titled ✌️😚✌️

[bi-kisses]

What do you think about "barbie is asexual and why that matters" (Tumblr doesn't allow me to put links so look it up) vid? I know your opinions about split attraction model, so I guess I already expect what it's gonna be like. Also I don't like the fucking weird part about that "women have to put up with being sexualized every time we go outside". Like, I know that it's true to some women but... I can't relate to that? I don't have to put up with this and I'm a woman? Borderline radfem take bru

I don't think there's really any subtext suggesting she's asexual, nor would it improve the messaging at all.

No offense because I get the desire for representation, but people not actively having a love interest in a movie is not ace coded. People in real life often have relationships, like with barbie and ken, that just aren't... emotionally invested. The "no genitals" bit is because they're literally dolls, I think we can all agree asexuals have genitals and to equate the two (being physically sexless and not feeling attraction) is actually very regressive as it wraps back around to this idea of asexuality making you broken and/or incomplete.

I think trying to warp the messaging to be about sexuality is missing the point. The sexualization of women can be contested and criticized without actually robbing women of our sexualities.

I know it does feel like a radfem take to say women get sexualized whenever they're out in the world, but it's a bit more complicated than that. Some women don't at all, usually because of where they live, or if they don't fit into the modern view of "sexy" to begin with. I know that I've been getting catcalled and leered at since I was in my preteens, it's especially a problem with (this will sound weird) some of the Indian men who have immigrated here and just culturally have zero respect for women. I was in a bralette at the gas station and the old guy behind the counter couldn't find the decency to look up from my chest while I paid. That's one example of something I get pretty regularly, and tbh I don't even HAVE nice tits.

All that to say that I didn't find the barbie portrayal of being a woman dressed in tight/revealing clothes navigating the public to be unrealistic. I don't think it's meant to imply this is what every woman gets constantly, I mean, there are other women around in those scenes (and, I almost forgot, ken also gets ogled), it's moreso discussing the way we're all forced to portray ourselves in a muted and "sexed down" manner if we want to be respected, which really shouldn't be the case. Women with skimpy shirts should receive eye contact at the gas station.

[wishfulina]

Half way through a 6 hour retrospective video essay on Game of Thrones and right in the middle there was a strange detour into slave apologism. I am going to take this in good faith and just assume that this guy had just done poor research but I really do think that non-black people need to talk to at least a couple black people if they want to add their “Hot Takes” on Slavery.

And the way that his source for this blatant misinformation is another White YouTuber says a lot. I understand that you don’t actually want to get heated over your silly video on television show but I got to be honest I don’t think you can just have that in there and expect nobody to pause.

And look, I’m sure this guy wasn’t intending to be racist or even really thought too much about what he was saying outside the lens of a white person talking about their show but there are people who actually are affected by this bad information.

To try and talk on the “nuance of slavery” even if you are agreeing that slavery on the whole is bad is genuinely seems to undermine the actual reality of what happened. I don’t care about “The Good Slave Masters” and you shouldn’t really give credence to that idea.

I know white people do this to try to distance themselves from the guilt by regurgitating the narrative of the “Lost Cause” narrative and that it was a few bad apples that spoiled the barrel and not really the whole but You Have To Stop playing into it.

Black people don’t really get the privilege to think about “the good slave masters” and to even really delve into that idea without any critical thought or self awareness is really a privilege within itself.

Slavery was not as bad as you think it was, it was way worse. The practice of owning people point blank is wrong within itself. There is no and if’s or buts about. There were no happy slaves.

Slaves were not people, they were property and if there were good people who owned slaves then they would not own slaves, they would just be people with employees.

Do your research. Think critically. Talk to people of color. And if you feel even the slightest bit defensive?

Get over yourself.

[regularshcw]

i need to work on the bios soon buuuuuut

margaret is trans ( trans woman )

benson is trans ( trans man )

em is trans ( trans man )

fanny is trans ( trans woman )

penny is nonbinary ( genderfluid )

neu is nonbinary ( unlabeled )

rigby is trans ( trans man )

and pops' gender is ?????

[lildoodlecat]

At last, it is complete! Tales of Destiny Director's Cut Stahn's story is done :D

(I'll be playing Leon's story next)

I loved it a lot!!!!! As I suspected, the addition of skits really expanded my affection for the characters, but I also rather enjoyed the changes they made. I honestly can't remember what exactly comparatively was different all around, but the changes to the depiction of Leon's final moments got me really hard,,,, idk if it was more similar in the original jp since I played the official English release of Destiny (I hear there were skits in jp? that might've helped my understanding lol) but I really really liked the director's cut take on things.

See my posts crying about Leon for those exact reactions lmao (they can probably be summarized with ;w;)

I also actually liked that we didn't have to see him come back as like. a raised husk or whatever it was og Destiny did bc even tho his fate seemed definite, it's still ambiguous. I haven't played the sequel obviously but I think?? the Leon looking guy is actually Leon???? idk. maybe it's a bit of a retcon. but yk

Anyway I actually liked every character quite a bit this time!! I liked my fav characters even more (coughcough Stahn and Leon living in my brain now) bc the extra conversations and voice acting were fantastic ✨✨ It really helped the emotions hit for me. I don't remember it all super well since I took so long to play it but I was a giggly little bastard abt the relationships and got a little teary at parts.

Cried at the end despite it all,, Stahn finally finished writing a letter like he was attempting for his family and it was for Leon ;w; That plus just. Tales credits. got me just a liiiittle teary lol. I liked it soso much. Also the reunion at the end made way more sense to me this time around lsjfd;lk just bc of some added dialogue and whatnot

The final boss is kinda meh as a character honestly but the overall story despite that guy was awesome!! I have a lot of fondness for the character arcs of Stahn, Leon, and Rutee, and also just the overall party dynamic was quite fun :3 Silly little creatures, the lot of them.

I missed having anime cutscenes after playing Destiny ps1 alksdjl; so they definitely got me there even tho they really only had character ones at the beginning and the end. But it's not like they do too many of those anyway.

Briefly on the character designs: they're goofy. I can't deny they're goofy. I love them sm they're unique lolol I'm attached to them

Oh yeah I LOVED the tie in to the title lol it was heavy handed as hell and it was perfect.

Bouncing back to what I said abt og Destiny, the dungeon designs were still kinda interesting here and there but less cool than the original, however the combat was definitely some of the best in the series. It's a serious learning curve but very fun!!! It was fun to see how they adapted the puzzles as well; a lot of them were similar but the final dungeon was way different. Hated the mirror area way way more than in og Destiny laskjdfkl;dsj I got stuck for a while but I do like the split party collaborative puzzles!! I remember Abyss did the same sort of thing an I liked that quite a bit, so it had that factor going for it too.

Umm final gist is it was really really fun and even tho it was actually pretty hard for me a lot of the time, but I think to a point that made it still fun. Except the 3-ish hours I spent on the final boss goddamn.

In any case, this definitely bumped up into the favorites!!!!! Stahn is an especially endearing protagonist to me and his relationship with the party was fun to watch develop <3

Fin~