#sorry this is long but again this movie affected me so strongly

[cuntylouis]

Oppenheimer was one of the most viscerally upsetting movies i've seen in years. I'm not even sure why it effected me so strongly, maybe because i had just been talking with my mom about the subject matters this movie touches (she works at the refugee reception services so war is often in her mind especially now with the influx ukrainian refugees) and i've been thinking a lot about how our history and future seems to be endless cycles and even though i want to believe the world will get better i'm not sure it will. I often feel fear and hopelessness when i think about the future.

I think this is Nolan's best movie. It's like he carefully took notes of everything he's been criticized for over the years (plot, dialogue, incoherence, characters, sound design) and systematically improved them all. Unfortunately his writing of female characters still sucks though Emily Blunt does her best. This is also an overwhelmingly white movie, i think i saw one darkskinned person in the background lol. Technically it's nearly perfect. It's 3 hours of mostly talking yet i was on the edge of my seat the entire time. Ludwig Göransson's score is phenomenal. Cillian Murphy is mesmerizing and RDJ is also coming for that oscar.

I think this is probably the most smart and respectful version of the movie you could do about Oppenheimer - unless you think such movie shouldn't be done at all which i think is valid. Oppenheimer doesn't really portray its protagonist as a 'flawed great man' like you'd expect and is uninterested in pitying him - it actually posits many times that Oppenheimer's remorse may have been performative manipulation to get people to pity him, and as he wryly suggests at the end it worked. This movie is also unusually unambiguous about the reality of the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki and their motives. The bombings are usually depicted as horrific but at least ambiguosly necessary, like 'it was a difficult choice'. Oppenheimer is refreshingly clear that the bombings were a completely pointless exercise of cruelty and posturing that caused not only unfathomable suffering but caused a chain reaction that is still going on to this day and will quite possibly eventually destroy the world.

However, i wish the effects of the bombings would've been addressed more directly. I think not showing Hiroshima was a good choice, but it also kind of removes the victims from the narrative. And since the movie focuses so much on the Trinity test i think they could've addressed its effects as well. It was clearly a conscious choice to omit what doesn't directly affect the main characters, it reflects their callousness and in Oppenheimer's case also his tendency to look at the world in abstract way and overlook the reality and real people. I still think Nolan could've and should've found a way to include at least Trinity's aftermath in the movie in some capacity, especially since many people aren't aware of it and this would've been a great opportunity to make it more known

[fuckmeyer]

Wiggins!) the bizarre thing about the vampire men in the cullen family all seem to be at least subconsciously what Smeyer wants Bella to have but can’t seem to get over her initial vision of what she saw in her drafts or whatever. It’s odd that every single one of the Cullen men are like strongly devoted (but mostly devoid of personality because it’s so Bella centric) but when you compare them to Edward they seem interesting in some ways. Like Narratively we’re supposed to have this threat that Edward is constantly holding back from killer her but I don’t feel like we see that. Conversely, Jasper is constantly the one who is suffering about human smells and is the more vampire-like. But he’s also a glorified lap dog. So it’s like ‘oh he’s a monster but he’ll never hurt me” (things Alice has said out loud. Man even psychics slip up. I swear her powers weren’t so accurate until Smeyer needed an excuse for plot reasons)

Emmett feels like when some women say they like waifish guys because they don’t want to seem like they’re vapid for liking “big dudes with muscles” so of course you pair Emmett with the “shallow blonde”

Carlisle, I swear only exists so Edward has someone to model but I would also argue that he’s proto-Edward before whatever reworking she had to do when writing Twilight for a YA audience and brought him back as a different character.

Yeah a rant

hello again bestie Wiglet! (note to self: learn Photoshop so i can shop Jacob's bad wig onto a pic of Piglet)

this is such an interesting take! thanks for sharing. i totally see what you're saying. in all the Cullen men we see both a blend of softness & devotion *and*, interestingly enough, a patchwork of patriarchal ideas of what a man "should" be. & this idea comes to the forefront with the depiction of the love interests

smeyer wants us to see Edward as the chivalric gentlemen from the Days of Yore. we see this in the opening doors, the cutsey little romance taglines ("you are my life now," "look after my heart; i've left it with you," "so the lion fell in love" etc), the knight saving the damsel in distress, the expensive tokens of his affection, etc.

at the same time, in both Edward & Jacob we see the crude traits of the Patriarchy Dreamboat kinda guy. if i had to sum it up, it's like the guy you see in 80s movies. "bad boy." "opposites attract." he's a jerk. he's a hunk. he's domineering. he's allowed to show emotion only & especially if that emotion is anger. he's persistent in his efforts to get the girl, going so far as to kiss her without her consent if it's For a Good Cause (Edward in New Moon post-Volterra, Jacob in Eclipse). he's a cool guy who's In Control 👉😎👉

perhaps that's why the Twilight saga appealed so such a large swath of women & girls. the women, who grew up with the notion that they could have the true love of their dreams so long as they submitted to the patriarchal social contract, saw the contract being fulfilled in Edward. (i.e., "you can be the king if you treat me like a princess.")

on the other hand, the 90s/00s girlies who grew up in the midst of a feminist revolution & who could see the glimmer of a dismantled patriarchy on the horizon were attracted to Edward for the flashes of radical feminist love they saw: the unapologetic expressions of emotion, the honesty of him sharing his vulnerabilities & weaknesses, Bella's ability to override Edward's will when necessary, etc.

sorry, i know this isn't really the crux of the rant you submitted, but it is extremely interesting to see these contradictions playing out in all the male characters of the saga. it's almost like smeyer is having this internal debate with herself without even realizing it...

[ryuichirou]

Hello! I’ve asked about shroudcest before but the recent influx of you posting about it inspired me to bother you about them again

(side note I absolutely love your human Ortho/Idia art)

I was curious what you think the impact of Idia being unable to turn Ortho down especially when Ortho starts crying would have on their relationship (sexually or otherwise) and if/how that translates over to human Ortho

Hope you have an excellent day/night!

Anon! We’re always happy to get more asks about Ortho and Idia, so thank you for providing. I’m sorry it took me so long to reply… And I’m also very happy you like our human!Ortho/Idia <3 Every Ortho is great Ortho!

I think that this is something that both human Ortho and AI Ortho share. The original Ortho always knew that he is Idia’s precious little brother and that even if Idia disagrees with him, he wouldn’t refuse him if Ortho got upset. Because Ortho being upset and crying is something that Idia absolutely hates. And while Ortho tries not to overuse this, he really knows that he has this advantage.

And while this wasn’t something that Idia programmed AI Ortho to do, I like to think that AI Ortho figured it out himself at some point. It wouldn’t be too difficult for him to notice that Idia always reacts when he gets upset, and since Idia is usually pretty stubborn, this is something that Ortho noted and learnt how to use quite quickly. Very cunning of Ortho, but also this is the type of thing when Idia looks at him and thinks “wow, he’s just like him”.

So yes, Idia is perfectly aware that he is being manipulated a lot of times, but he just can’t help but feel heartbroken when Ortho is upset because of him, so he enables this behavior strongly lol He spoils Ortho too much, be it the real one or the AI one.

Just like you said, Anon, it does affect the romantic/intimate side of their relationship, if they have one in the said universe. For starters, it’s usually Ortho who initiates things, and while it’s usually even better for Idia this way, because he is too embarrassed to take the initiative, sometimes he also gets manipulated into doing things he isn’t ready to do. Ortho is mindful, of course, but he is also quite capricious (the human one is maybe even more so capricious than the AI one) and demanding at times.

In other words, YES, Ortho does look at Idia with sad puppy eyes and even tears up (he can easily cry on cue, especially after joining the movie research club lol), when his niisan doesn’t want to kiss him, to touch him or to have sex with him. Especially when Ortho is feeling lonely or clingy… or horny. When Ortho’s horny, whether or not they’re going to have sex or at least make out, is not a question. And while Idia is too shy to admit that, he actually likes it this way.

Or, for example, when Idia plays videogames for too long and refuses to go to sleep and keeps saying that he’s “almost done”, Ortho also uses his clinginess to distract him and take the game away from him. Sometimes it’s easier to fluster Idia, to touch him, to pout all cutely, and then fuck him until he falls asleep than to reason with him.

…actually both the real Ortho and AI Ortho are going to use this tactic in a lot of situations lol

[pixie-skull]

215th edit and this a personal one. I tend to avoid making edits of those I know from real life as a respect of privacy, but this needed to be made/vent. So I am about 6 months in of using testosterone and today I made time to let my mother share her concerns and questions, as I understand it does take time for change. Especially as I am only now physically transition, not just socially, transition, and I am my late 20's. Only, of my immediate family (sorry excluding my half-siblings) my mother only one who seems still stuck in a sense of worry of my choices. My father pleasantly surprising me in how well he is doing, like other day when aiding me with auto insurance (I had two car accidents in June) he referred me as his son, and I was so happy (I strongly believe he has NPD).

Now I get my oldest sister (represented by character Sarah*) still getting use to things, but understandably I did for a few years did go by they/them pronouns, but I am so proud of her, my next sibling, my brother, and younger sister are all doing amazing.

However, any advice besides be patient and offer a space to answer my mother's questions? She tells me she is worried that taking testosterone is not understood of the long term affects, which I understand to an extent, but she brings up religion as a reason to be weary. I am a Spiritual person, so to hear her compare people born with disabilities yet they learn to love and not change their bodies, like the Lord would want, bothers me. On one hand, sure, sure I am grateful for what health and my body is, but this seems accidentally Catholic guilt. Speaking of which, rest assured, my family is open minded or/and supportive of LGBTQ+ Community. I mean dang no issues me being bi/queer.

Back to topic, I am unsure what to say and offer more to my mother to understand. I mean my therapist let me give my parents a number to call of my health insurance to offer trans Q&A meetings for families. I mean I even explained I am the happiest I am in understanding myself as a trans man, but no change. Just more push back and worse "you can be whoever you want... you are non-binary to me, not a man". I mean even when I did think I was non-binary, she would still call me she/her and deadname me more, so I feel that a shortcut (or whatever) for her. Rest assured she been good with my name change and not judge in recent past changed all my documentation to that name and even list myself as a man, but actually addressing me as he/him, nope.

Again any advice would be happily encouraged. I also had to make a vent post edit, because realize through a conversion on a former relationship of most 2020 and snips 2021, my ex partner, they, they will were more emotionally harmful to me, and taking time to debate being friends still, being hurting me. As well been busy with work and university.

*= What movie is Sarah from? I want to see if I can finding it streaming to watch full thing. NOT clips XD yet thanks Youtube.

P.s. Thank you @airasora for your insight that I look like Cinderella's Prince Charming, Kit, or Christopher, and overall being a great friend lately. As well thank you @little-bloodied-angel for your friendship.

[phagethemage]

What qualities are you looking for in a partner? Is there anyone who's caught your eye?

I look for honesty, actually willing to communicate and grow as a person, good sense of humor and hopefully similar interests. My last relationship stagnated and neither of us grew for the past 2 years of it. It was all just me compromising so she would stay and her just.....not growing or overcoming issues she had. Like there was no real attempt to even do so.

And at one point after we split, I was talking to someone and mentioning how her(ex) and I didn't really have any common hobbies or interests but supported each other's strongly and the person I was talking with said "Wow.....why were you even together if you both didn't really like the same stuff or do anything together?" And that hit me like a rock.

I enjoy watching movies and shows, playing games (video, card and board), going out to museums if I can find some nearby and checking out new food places that open to see if they're good to what I enjoy. And my ex, didn't really like any of that. All she would do is sit at home watching YouTube and snacking constantly on chocolate. Still amazed she was as small as she was with so much sugar going into her.

But learning from that, I'm looking for all of those things along with a person who is not only capable but happy to give me a fraction of the affection that I give. Because when I love and dedicate myself to a partner, it's an ocean of emotions. Good ones, and I want to share that and I want to let them know how much they mean to me. But all the relationships I've had, none really gave that kind of feeling for long that they wanted me. Which, as I only have ever dated for long term (I date to try and find someone to share my life with, that's the goal for me) it sucks man. Give your heart, put in incredibly high amount of effort and just do what you can to show they're loved and appreciated simply for being them and being in my life. And you don't get a ¼ of that effort. In the end it usually feels like I'm the one doing all the work to keep the relationship together. I don't want that again.

Yeah this is a soft spot and a bit of a touchy subject I guess since I've not often gone into depth about it so I'm sorry for the long long response.

But there is one lady I have my eye on who I like very much. Though the situation is up in the air completely. I mean after all, they're worried I'll be disappointed if I spend time with them in person, and it is a drastic thing to not just visit someone on the other side of the country but also consider the long term of "would you be willing to move?" It is no simple subject to consider moving and leaving everything you've grown up around behind just to go somewhere else to be with someone. Praying and hoping it was all worth it and will work out.

Sure I can say I'd make it work. Do everything I could to make life kind, comfortable and happy. But would that be something they want? Would it be something they could accept? I don't know. I wish I did but I can't do anything but be hopeful. So I'll like her, I'll chat with her whenever I can and be kind, honest and genuine. It is the least I can do.

Thank you for the question anon. I don't know where your day will find you, but I do hope it's a lovely day. Gonna go settle my emotions down because ah if I'm not tearing up.

[bisexualpositivity]

hey! I hope you're keeping well and are having an awesome day:)

Wondered if I could ask for some bi related advice...So, just for context I'm 24 y/o female and I've known for a while that I'm physically and sexually attracted to women, but never as strongly as men. Still, I've always endeavoured to be open and curious. Long story short I was out with my straight female best friend and we kissed...then we kissed again...and later that night in her room we kissed again. She treated it as a "haha that was so silly and funny of us" thing, which it totally was for her - she's straight as a board...but I wanted to keep going. Yet, at the same time, it didn't give me the butterflies or any emotional connection that I get with guys, even those that I've kissed that are strangers. Kissing a girl just didn't do that for me. I feel that I'm probably somewhere on the bisexual spectrum, but now I'm a bit stuck on what to do now.

I really want to explore things with women, kissing that friend only confirmed that I'm into girls, but I don't know where to go. I have a friend who's gay, very sex positive and has slept with several of her other friends on a purely casual, no-strings basis - do I approach her and explain I'm feeling a bit confused and want a safe space to explore? Or would that fuck things up? (She's said before that I'm attractive but not her type/she doesn't see me that way). Do I approach my best friend and say hey - remember when we made out in your bed? Can we do that again? But I do NOT want to fuck up that friendship she's the most special person I have.

To make it all a tad more complicated...I'm closeted. And I kinda have to be right now. I'm practising christian, super involved in my church and if anyone knew I just know it would have a bad affect on relationships. I know people will say that's their problem, but my faith is actually really important to me and I don't want to unearth all this trouble right now. I don't mind staying closeted rn, and both girls I mentioned have come from the same communities so understand. I'm almost 25, I can handle myself, my sexuality and the way I choose to express it is a private matter and I wanna keep it that way.

I know this has been a huge ramble. I'm so sorry for going on, I suppose I just needed to get it out somewhere and I've seen you reply to advice asks in the past. If you have any thoughts/advice I would really appreciate it 🥰

Sincerely,

A troubled lil bisexual twentysomething who's done the stupid classic movie mistake of kissing her best friend xoxo

Oh man, it sounds like you've been going through a lot lately. It never feels good to have your real, genuine feelings brushed off like that, even if the person doing it doesn't know any better.

Based on where you are with your questioning process right now, I think it's very important for you to have a support system--if you think your friend who's gay could be part of it, definitely reach out and test the waters with them.

Rambling is fine, don't worry about it. I'm only sorry that I don't have much more advice to give you. Stay closeted for as long as you like, and keep yourself safe out there, okay?

[oddygaul]

Your Name

I think I actually liked this a lot more the second time.

In particular, the ending worked a lot better for me this go-around.

I always get frustrated when character-focused works involving timeline / dimensional fuckery contrive it so that the people you’ve watched build a relationship over diegetic months or years have their memory of that relationship erased. Whether it’s someone planeswalking alone into an alternate timeline, time-travel-related amnesia, or even just your classic memory zapping gun, it feels like a gut punch to know a relationship you’re genuinely invested in functionally did not happen for those characters anymore.

Now, I understand that the usual idea behind this is the appealing, elegant notion that some people are simply meant to be together - that no matter what obstacles, physical or psychological, might get between them, they’ll find each other again and mean just as much to each other as they did before.

I am not that idealistic.

I think establishing a close bond (be it friendship or romantic love) with someone who was once a stranger is an incredible, mercurial series of events that is so hard to replicate, it’s a small miracle that anyone has found the friends and loved ones they have.

I regularly think about the decisions, chain of events, and random happenstance that led me to my closest friends, and how a different choice made any step along the way, even years earlier, could easily have led to me never even meeting that person. And then, even if I met them by chance years later, who’s to say we’d even get close? We’d likely be two drastically different people than in the initial scenario, not only because of the different course our lives had taken, but due to how differently we would have developed in absence of each other’s influence.

There’s no chance in hell I’d roll those dice, so for me it truly stings when I watch a friendship undone - and particularly when it’s not treated with the appropriate gravity. If your whole story is about it, fine, but if it happens for some trivial reason, or a character does it flippantly, or if the narrative treats it as a minor thing and doesn’t go into the deep fucking implications such an event would have, I’m gonna be upset.

And so, on first watch, I think I slotted Your Name into the latter category. Sorry, they just up and forgot? They went through the most formative emotional experience of their young lives, saw the world through another person’s eyes, and just fuckin’ forgot about it? what??

This time, though, I paid more attention to, *ahem*, the literal text of the movie, which explains that the time Mitsuha and Taki spend together is akin to a dream, with all the haziness and fleeting nature that entails. Viewed through that* lens, the two forgetting such an important relationship resonates a lot more. Part of what makes dreams extraordinary is how strongly they can emotionally affect you, even if the details don’t make a bit of sense. The fact that such a strong emotional response can stick around long after the events of the dream have evaporated is one of the most sublime things about them. I’ve had plenty of dreams where I’ve spent what feels like decades falling in love with someone, building a life with them, exploring our sick far-future underwater biosphere together, et cetera, only to wake up and have it all ripped away. In retrospect, the particulars are nonsense and I can’t remember a single thing about this imaginary person, but for that afterglow period, it doesn’t matter, because in my heart I still feel the desolation of having lost someone. 

*again, glaringly obvious and objectively correct

When I look at the story of Your Name that way, as a beautiful, fleeting dream that two people managed to recapture against all odds, it’s easy to appreciate the sweet little love story it really  is.

—

Other than that, from a craft perspective, this one really is pretty damn good. Tightly written, not a lot of fat, endears you to its characters and their quirks in record time, and solidly hits all the emotional beats it needs to. I don’t think it necessarily has a lot to say, but honestly, tell a story this well and I can’t really complain.

i ship it

The animation here is also truly night and day compared to Shinkai’s previous works. The environments and sense of place are all top-notch as always, but the animation team for Your Name was clearly built around incredibly skilled character animators and it shows. The little mannerisms Mitsuha and Taki show regardless of which body they’re currently in is proof enough of that.

true friendship is helping your friend bomb a power substation with no questions asked

I’m not even gonna pretend I have anything worth saying about the art and animation here, though, when kViN’s excellent Your Name writeups exist over on SakugaBlog. If you found this post cuz you just rewatched Your Name and you wanted to read people analyzing / gushing over it, these should absolutely be the next stop on your journey.

—

Your Name Production Notes

A Door to the Future, on what Your Name means for Shinkai and the future of the industry at large

—

[jdoegainer]

Sorry for the long list (again), but:

2, 3, 4, 7, 8, 10, 11, 12, 16 if you're comfortable with that 😊😘

That is certainly another long list. Some of these were really tough too! Once again, thank-you so much for the asks 🥰

2. How do you interact with music? Do you sing? Dance? Play an instrument? Just listen?

Not really much of a dancer or singer myself, and was pretty hopeless when it came to learning a musical instrument too. I mainly just listen to music and will sometimes just play it in my head too. Music definitely has strong feelings to it though.

3. What do you prefer: city or countryside? (Why?)

City. I definitely enjoy both, but I much prefer living somewhere with good infrastructure and public transport and not needing a car.

4. A book (series) you liked and why

I've liked a few book series over the years, so I'll just say the earliest one I can remember: Remnants.

7. Your idols growing up?

I wasn't really one to ever strongly idolise anyone in particular, except maybe this really fat kid a few years above me when I started school. I was really envious 😅

8. Your idols right now?

Similar to the above, I don't really have idols.

10. Best memory?

I would have to say it was a time where I was on a date with someone at a movie theatre. The seat was snug, and they were resting their head against me and put their arm around my belly and I had my arm over their shoulder. Definitely not the most comfortable position, but I just felt really warm and fuzzy and appreciated.

11. Biggest regret?

I'm someone who tries not to look back at the past too much, so I don't really have any major regrets other than in the past focusing too much on what others would think about me. There have been a few times in the past where I decided to stop gaining or lose weight because I thought that it might make someone like me more, but each time I've deeply regretted it. That, and I wish I had decided to start gaining earlier. Think of how much more of a head start I could have had!

12. Are you religious? What do you believe in?

I'm not religious. I grew up in what I'd describe as a fairly laissez-faire Christian household. We'd only ever go to church for things like baptisms (for more religious family/friends) or funerals. Eventually I just found that the knowledge and experience that I had built up over time was not compatible with religion.

16. If you could wish for 3 things (no boundaries), what would you wish for?

I wish that some of the amazing people I've met on here didn't live so far away 😭

I also wish that could find someone who I could love and appreciate, and that would like me for me. And someone who I can grow fatter for :3

And finally I wish that in general people could be more accepting of others, especially when it comes to things that really don't affect them. Mine or anyone else's weight or appearance isn't something that I want to hear negative comments about.

[azaleavi]

Best Friend

Requested by anon: hi could I request a sebastian x female reader where they have been best friends for years and reader has been in love with him for a while and it hurts her thag hes dating someone else and one day she just blurts it out because its too much??? angsty with a happy ending hopefully???

Word count: 1.8k

Author’s note: I got my first request!! I was so happy that I started writing right away. Thank you so much for requesting dear anon I hope you like it.

Feedback is always appreciated and don't forget to reblog and like if you liked it and want to see more. Thank you!

Masterlist

(the texts in italics are either throwbacks or thoughts)

Being the best friend of Sebastian was a challenge. It wouldn't have been, normally, but you had fallen in love with him and that made things a hundred times harder for you. But how could you not, when he was the most charming man you have ever met. He was the sweetest human being and he was always there for you when youu needed him. You met when you worked on a movie together and immediately hit it off. Thankfully there were more than one projects you worked on alongside each other so you became even closer. You thought there could be something more between you than friendship, but Sebastian never seemed to look at you like that. You got your hopes up multiple times, only to be let down again and again. So now you just learned to not expect any romantic feelings from him.

I want to tell you something the text read from Sebastian. You heart leaped in your chest at the thought of him wanting to talk to you about something seemigly important. It had to be important. Right? Maybe he would tell you, that he sees you as more than a friend. You texted him back saying that he could come over right now if he wanted to. He sent you a thumbs up, meaning he was on his way so you got to cleaning up your apartment. It wasn't necessarily messy, but there were a few things out you had to put away. Living in different cities or even countries all the time never left you with enough time to completely clean up the only place you called home. A knock on the front door shook you from your thoughts. You walked to it with a deep sigh, excited, but also afraid of what Seb wanted to talk to you about. Opening the door you met with his beautiful face.

"Hi" he smiled as you stepped aside to let him in.

"Hey. Come in." you greeted back. He walked in and took off his shoes as you closed the door. You walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. He fidgeted with his hands, a sign that he was nervous. "What is it Sebby?" him being nervous made you even more nervous so both of you were just a bundle of nerves.

"It's just... I just..." he sighed, leaning forward and rubbing his face with his hands. Something was wrong.

"Hey, you can talk to me" you reassured him, putting your hands on his back and rubbing it.

"I accidentally told Chris that you are a virgin" he finally blurted out. Your hand froze on his back. He looked back up at you, only to see you trying to hold back a laugh. "Why are you laughing?" he asked, confused.

"He already knows Seb." you let out the laugh you've been holding in. His face lit up in realization and he relaxed against the back of the couch. "This is what you wanted to tell me?" you continued to laugh.

It was after he left that you let yourself feel the sadness of not getting the confession you were waiting for.

You loved having him as a friend, but you wanted more. You wanted to be the one that wakes up next to him every day, who gets to kiss him every chance you get. You could dream about it how many times you wanted to, but it would never happen. Especially when he had a girlfriend. You remembered when he told you.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" he grabbed your elbow as you were walking away from set, done for the day. You turned around, noticing how your face was closer to his than it probably should have been. He seemed to notice too as he stepped away from you. Your heart broke a little at his movement, but you knew that it wasn't his fault. He didn't feel the same as you did. You couldn't blame him, really. Why would he love you? There were so many better people out there whom he could choose. You understood, no one ever noticed you, so why would he be different. It was your fault for falling hopelessly in love with him. You tried to stop, you truly did, but it was no use. You couldn't tell him either, your friendship would be forever ruined. Of course he would be nice about it and say that he would want to keep being your friend, but you knew that it would never be the same.

"Yeah, sure we can talk" you smiled at him. The two of you walked to his dressing room, that was empty. You sat down on a hair as he did the same. "So?" you urged him to talk after a few second of silence.

"I met someone" your world stopped at his words. He looked up to see your reaction, but your face was blank. Your thoughts were a mess as you tried to come up with a response, trying to not show how your heart just broke into a million pieces.

"That's..." you cleared your throat, blinking a few times to get rid of the tears that started gathering in them. "That's amazing Seb." you froced a smile on your face, praying that he wouldn't see through your mask.

"She is actually working with us so I want you to meet her." he smiled, excited at the thought of his best friend and girlfriend meeting. You wish you could be happy for him, but right now you couldn't feel anything else but pain.

That was 8 months ago and they were happier than ever. Well... were before she decided to break up with him out of nowhere. He has been heartbroken for a long time, but he had you helping him through it. It was hard on you, but he was still your best friend and you knew you had to be there for him.

You were currently at his house, having a movie night. He was feeling much better now, your presence helping him through the worst of it. He was eternally grateful for you because of it. You were cuddling on his couch, becoming much closer in the last few weeks. You didn't use to do things like this, but when he started initiating the touches you didn't object. You thought it would be only for a little while, just because he needed someone to be close with after the breakup, but it didn't stop and your feeling were only getting stronger and stronger with each passing day. The movie was playing, a cliché romance, as he ran his fingers up and down your arm, your head on his shoulder. The man on TV was confessing his love for the woman and it made you think about what it would be like if you told Sebastian how you felt. He doesn't need a girlfriend right now you reminded yourself.

"This is so dumb" he rolled his eyes.

"What is?" you asked back, not understaning his problem.

"They were friends before this. Why ruin a perfectly good friendship with these feelings?" he felt your whole body stiffen at his words so he moved away to look at you. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing" you tried to brush it off and go back to cuddling, but he wasn't having it.

"No, something is wrong, I can feel it" he pushed.

"Seb, seriously, it's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"No, you have to tell me when something is wrong, we are best friends and I don't want you to keep secrets from me-"

"I love you" you blurted out, your mouth moving without thinking. No, no, no, no this cannot be happening right now. He immediately stopped talking and just stared at you, frozen. You stood up from you place and started walking back and forth in front of him." I know you don't need this right now and I didn't even want to tell you, but you just kept pushing and I-" stopping your rambling, your eyes filled with tears. You let out a stuttering breath, your hands on your mouth. I've just ruined everything. I'm so dumb. You looked at him, still sitting in the same place, his mouth open in shock. "Please say something." you pleaded moving your hands to your sides, not being able to take his silence anymore.

"You are in love with me?" he whispered, eyes boring into yours. Heart sinking in your chest you looked down.

"Yes" you sighed, feeling like a ton has been lifted from your chest, the truth you've been holding in had finally been revealed. Two legs appeared in front of you and two hands grabbed your arms. You didn't want to look up, already knowing the rejection, that was coming.

"Look at me y/n" he asked quietly. "Please" he said when you didn't oblige. You finally looked up at him at his request, face now soaked in tears.

"I'm sorry" you whimpered, your heart fully broken. You valued his friendship so much and you didn't want to lose him over this, but it felt like it was already over. He pulled you into a hug.

"Do not be sorry for your feelings" he tightened his grip on you, making your tears fall faster. You let out a sob at his affection. This might be the last time you get to hug him like this so you gripped his waist as strongly as you could. He pulled away enough to look into your eyes. "Don't be sorry because I feel the same way." your heart skipped a few beats, your eyes widening. You couldn't believe your ears so you just looked at him confused. Sebastian smiled at your cute impression and swiftly pressed his lips to yours. You couldn't even close your eyes considering how shocked you were. Sebastian realized you weren't moving and pulled away, worried. He called your name in question which shook you out of your frozen state.

"What did you say?" you finally spoke.

"I said I love you too." he laughed.

"But you... you were... you... what?" you stuttered, not being able to form a coherent sentence.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you" he chanted as he pressed his forehead to yours, still laughing, which was cut short when you pressed your lips to his. You kissed for a minute, but you had to break away from the other for air.

"Why didn't we do this sooner?" you laughed, wiping away the remainer of your tears.

"I don't know" he leaned in to kiss you again, smiles on both of your faces.

Permanent taglist: @byatomoe

(let me know if you want to be added)

[doctorofmagic]

I find it so sad and upsetting to see the Clea tag here on tumblr being SO full of people complaining about her and being upset that Stephen didn't end up with Christine... I just want to read some new people appreciating Clea now and her fans being happy, and yet I'm finding so much negativity 😔 I love Christine as well and I was so happy with what they did in MoM with her character and her relationship with Stephen, and yet palmerstrange fans are all so angry. These ship wars are so stupid, kill all my joy of being in fandom.

PS: Anon who sent me the Palmerstrange ask, I’m sorry but tumblr got dumb and deleted your post as I was editing this ask. But luckily enough I was able to answer your whole question before it got deleted. Sorry :/

Okay *sighs*

First of all, I'd like to say that I understand where both preferences come from, even though I've always been biased because of Cleaphen (even when it was just Victoria and Clea, I always rooted for Clea because I knew how deep Stephen loved her - and yes, Stephen is poly-coded in canon).

Anon 1: I was avoiding the tags but your message made me curious and since I lack self-caring, I checked it out and yikes, yeah... I understand where they come from and I respect their sadness for having their ship wrecked but uh...

It's okay, they may not accept Clea now but who knows? They can always change their minds, especially if they see that Stephen is happy (which is really a sign of love).

I mean, I've been there in other fandoms so I know how it feels, but it's not like I didn't appreciate the new possibilities cause, luckily, I'm able to multi-ship so all good.

But true, true. Ship wars are the stupidest bs in any fandom. Also if I was THAT obsessed with canon, I wouldn't have a fic with 14+ ships featuring Stephen lmao. It's not that serious. Besides, canon never stopped people before, me included 😭 90% of my ships are not canon, so what?

Anon 2: At this point, I'm just glad they introduced her instead of using Christine as a variant, ngl 😭 this concept of variants in the MCU just set everything on fire. It worked so well on comics but now, like, I'm not commenting on THAT. I refuse to do so. But okay, okay, at least she's here!! Also I really don't see that Stephen's story will end in DS3 when we're having a fourth Thor movie coming and it won't probably be the last? I strongly believe we'll have so much more of him, and consequently Clea.

Anon 3: Thank you for your kindness! Yes, yes, let's always support older women and their amazing work! I'm just glad to see more of this on screen. There's still a long road but the more vocal we’re about it, more often we’ll see them represented.

Anon 4 who asked about Palmerstrange: look... I really tend to avoid ship discourse on my blog because I know it hurts people's feelings so I'd rather not to, even though the opposite is not always true. Besides, I liked them in the What If? episode, although I agree that MCU!Stephen and Christine were portrayed in a way that their relationship wouldn't be rekindled. But that's just my interpretation. People ship for less. Crack ships exist. Who am I to judge people's preferences? (except pr0-sh1pping. That's definitely not my cup of tea.) In my opinion, when Christine kisses Stephen's cheek in the first movie, I knew they wouldn't end up together since I understood that moment as a gesture of platonic affection. And the fact that Stephen clings into her memory is because he needs love, and her memory is all he has left. But then again, that's MY interpretation. Doesn't mean I'm right.

What I'll criticize, though, is people coming for Clea and saying all kinds of nasty stuff when first loves are hardly endgame irl. It feels real to me. The point is, I agree with you, but it doesn't invalidate Palmerstrangers who felt compelled by their story on screen because it was their interpretation when consuming said content.

--

In any case, my point is, it's really hard for me to validate or invalidate people's preferences when it comes to shipping because, as I said, I'm able to ship Stephen with every character in the Marvel Universe, it works in my head regardless of canon. But that's just me. There are ships that I really dislike in the MCU and have strong opinions on them but you'll never hear about it 🥴 and this is why I avert my eyes to this kind of discourse.

(truly, this subject feels like walking on eggshells oooooof)

[c-is-writing]

intimacy

pairing: lena luthor x gn!reader

genre: fluff

word count: 1894

warnings: none

a/n: okay ngl i was pretty head empty while writing it so i apologize if this made no absolute sense :’D

original request

It all began with a simple brush against her hand that led to two hands intertwined with each other, swinging back and forth as the two of you walked through a park. The sun was setting, casting a peach light across all surfaces before transitioning into shades of pink and purple until settling into the dark blue of the night. You lean your head on Lena’s shoulder as the two of you continued to walk under the dim lamps scattered along the path. It was almost as if you were the only two people in the whole world. As you absentmindedly hum a tune, Lena could feel the heat rush to her cheeks, painting them red like the sunset sky. The warmth radiating off your body pressed against her side comforted her in a way that she never knew she needed until now. The hand connected to yours suddenly feels burning hot but Lena makes no effort to remove it. There’s no way a Luthor, someone who is meant to be cold and cruel and undeserving of this sort of comfort, could enjoy something like this. Right?

Wrong. Absolutely wrong. Ever since that park date, Lena has practically become addicted to your touch. She constantly craves it like a smoker with a cigarette but she has restraint, she has an image to uphold as a Luthor. To her, it’s almost embarrassing how quickly she gives into your touch. Despite the embarrassment, the CEO is willing to do anything to feel your touch on her skin again. 

A knock on the office door brings her out of her dilemma as she looks up to meet your bright smile and bag of takeout in your hand. Immediately feeling a warmth bloom in her chest, she returns the smile as you make your way towards her. Placing the bag down on a spot that’s not covered by papers, you finally greet your lover.

“Hey, Lee.”

“Hi, love.”

“Are you ready to take a quick lunch break or do you still need to finish some work?”

Glancing at the unfinished document on her screen, Lena shakes her head and says, “I’m more than ready for lunch, I’m starving. Just let me clear off my desk first.”

Giving her an okay, you take the bag to the coffee table and settle down, watching as Lena organizes the files. You reach into the brown bag to pull out the lunch items when you hear a gasp. Your head shoots up to see Lena holding her finger tightly. Rushing over you quickly ask, “Is everything okay? What happened?”

Almost laughing, Lena waves it off as nothing major. “I just got a papercut that’s all.”

“May I take a look at it?” 

“Oh, sure, I guess it wouldn’t hurt.” Lena says after seeing the concern in your eyes.

She watches as you grab a bandaid from the first aid kit in the office and return to the table. Lena’s heart practically stops as you go to grab the injured hand. The gentle, feather-like grasp on her finger was enough to make her melt on the spot. As you wrap the bandage around the small cut, you press a soft kiss to it before placing her hand back into her lap. At this point, Lena has been reduced to a very flustered and embarrassed mess as her brain scrambles to understand what just happened. You were so gentle and loving with Lena that she could feel your adoration and care for her through your actions. Lena quickly clears her throat to hopefully pause her panicking mind and calm her racing heart. 

Noticing how Lena is still sitting in her chair, you take one of her hands and lead her to the couch where the two of you talked and had lunch together. Throughout the conversation and eating, Lena could still feel where you kissed her finger as if she touched a hot stove. Imagine a Luthor being this soft for someone. She can’t enjoy your touch. She’s not allowed to. Or at least, that’s what Lillian kept telling her. Luthors are cruel aren’t they? They are undeserving of love and care, so why should this be any different for Lena? Why does she have to feel so embarrassed about wanting your touch?

Following the papercut incident, Lena found herself exaggerating her headaches and migraines from working constantly at L-Corp just so you could take care of her and cuddle the pain away. This went on for a few weeks and eventually you caught onto what she was trying to do. You realized that early on in the relationship, you always initiated physical contact with Lena and in those moments, she would tense up, making you think that she was uncomfortable with it. Later on, you learned that Lena is trying to get used to receiving so much physical love because it’s still new to her. So, you began to give it to her in small doses whether it was hand holding or pecks on the cheek before you left the apartment. Now, you see that Lena wants more but she’s either too afraid or too embarrassed to ask for it. 

Looking down at the CEO that’s currently in your arms, you quietly laugh at the realization and almost find it endearing. You tuck that thought into the back of your mind as you readjust your position on the couch and tighten your hold on Lena. She snuggles a bit deeper into your chest as your focus falls back onto the movie playing on the TV. Maybe, it’s okay to let herself relish your touch as long as you were hers. After all, the Luthor name is simply a name, not a rule for her to follow.

A few days later, you find yourself heading back to your shared apartment where Lena is currently resting. According to Jess, she wasn’t feeling well and decided to take the rest of the day off to ensure that she could recover and work more efficiently tomorrow. It became a normal occurrence for Jess to call you whenever Lena was unwell so that you could take care of her. Upon arriving at the apartment, you find the raven-haired woman curled up in bed. At the sound of the bedroom door opening, she immediately sits up as her eyes light up when they lock with yours. You send her a loving smile as you say, “Lena, I want you to be honest with me.”

Furrowing her eyebrows in confusion, Lena simply answers, “Okay…”

“Are you actually feeling unwell or is this an excuse to have me take care of you?”

The moment the question leaves your mouth, Lena’s eyes widen. Shit. Unsure of what to do as you watch Lena try to formulate a response, you decide to turn around and head to the kitchen to start preparing for dinner. As you’re about to leave, Lena desperately calls out, “Y/N, wait!”

Pausing, you turn back around and tilt your head, expecting a response. As she slowly begins to speak, Lena breaks eye contact in favor of tracing the patterns of the bedsheets with her eyes.

“I-, um, yeah, it was an excuse and I’m really sorry for disturbing you while you were at work for this.”

Watching as Lena slumps over in shame, you make your way to the bed and sit down next to her. Quietly waiting for her to continue and give you a reason, an awkward silence fills the bedroom. You’re the first to break the silence.

“Lee, you know I love you right?”

“Yes, I know.”

“Okay, so then, why? Why did you feel the need to make excuses to get me to come?”

“Well, um…” Lena trails off while continuing to look at the bedsheets, trying to hide her embarrassment.

“Babe, if you don’t give me a reason then I’m not giving you any cuddles until you tell me.”

At your words, Lena’s head flies up, exposing her flustered state. 

“Wait, no, that’s not fair.” She whines as she tries to wrap her arms around you.

Laughing, you do your best to push her off. With a soft smile, you tell her, “I just want my girlfriend to communicate with me and if I have to revoke cuddling privileges to get you to communicate then I’m going to do it.”

Lena lets out a sigh as she realizes that you’re going to stick to your words and she loves your touch too much to lose it over her slight issue with communicating properly in relationships. Readying herself, she allows the Luthor mindset to slip away from her mind as she opens up to you.

“I really like your touch and I was just afraid of how much I liked it because I wasn’t sure if I deserved it. When I was young, I was always told that Luthors don’t deserve love or care because of our cold nature. But the way you hold me made me melt and I felt tingly all over.” quickly adding in, “In a good way, I promise!”. She takes a deep breath before continuing, “I guess I just felt embarrassed of how strongly I wanted physical contact with you because I wasn’t sure if you would give that much to me. In the back of my mind, I thought that you were giving me all of this physical affection because you felt obligated to and not out of love.”

Taking in her words, your expression begins to soften as you pull Lena into your arms. Your fingers slowly trace random patterns into her back as you begin to speak.

“Oh, Lena, sweetheart. I love you so so much. I’m so sorry that you felt undeserving of this love and attention but I can definitely assure you that you deserve it all and so much more. You are so kind and you are everything that the Luthor name isn’t. You’ve worked so hard at L-Corp and trying to rebrand it as a company for good instead of how it was made before you.” Pulling away, you cup her face in your hands. “I promise that all of the affection that I freely give to you is out of love and not obligation. I will do everything I can to give you all of the love that you deserve. If you ever want cuddles, just ask okay? I’m definitely more than happy to cuddle you whenever you want.” 

With your final statement, you seal your promises to Lena with a soft kiss. You pull away from her to see her eyes brimming with tears. She simply nods at your words and you pull her into your chest once again. Lena has never felt so loved in her whole life. You practically radiate love and warmth that she will gladly receive without feeling as embarrassed now. Letting out a sigh of relief, Lena feels lighter now that she was able to open up to you. Before fully settling into your embrace, Lena asks one more question.

“So, does this mean I get my cuddling privileges back?”

Feeling the vibrations in your chest as you laugh, Lena smiles as you reply, “Yes, your cuddling privileges are no longer revoked and you can now ask for them whenever you want. Just promise that you won’t make any more excuses, alright?”

“I promise.”

taglist (all): @teenwonder @procrastinatingsapphictrash  @owloftheshadows

[shinescape]

What are we?

Neighbour Yunho x Fem Reader

Requested!

note: bf material Yunho is what matters. Saving the anon who requested this from the drought. Enjoy the read!

They seem to think you were lying this whole time about being in a relationship and you’re about to prove them wrong. You’re starting to regret making friends with the two girls in front of you as one was scrolling on her phone and the other watching you with a smirk and arms crossed over her chest.

“I guess we were right. You took some random guy’s photo and showed it to us for the past three months. What’s new I guess?” You swore to cut ties with them after this, making friends in college was full of meaningless lies that you had to make up to keep them stay with you. But seeing how these two only care about your love life, might as well shove it into their faces and leave for good.

“Oh he’ll be here alright. Just running a bit late.” You said through gritted teeth as the girl who has been on her phone finally looked up at you. “I think he either ditch you or he doesn’t actually exist. I think we should go shopping-”

“Baby, there you are!” Her words were cut off by the voice that you hate to hear but glad that he finally came to shut these pretty faces up. “You got lost again, am I right?” You asked as he made his way to sit beside you and pull you in for a side hug. He smiled at you sheepishly before turning to your friends.

“You guys must be her friends. I’m Yunho, nice to meet you.” He waved a little and the only thing they did was blink at him, mouth slightly agape. You rolled your eyes and tapped Yunho on the arm. “You want to order anything, the smoothies here are nice.”

He turned to you and you swore his smile was way too fake to not be fooled. “Nah, I’ll share with you. So why did you call me here?” He took your drink without hesitation and sipped from the same straw you did earlier.

You watch in horror at his actions and the girls were as shocked as you were. They haven’t said a word since he came and you knew you already won. “My friends thought you’re an illusion I made but turns out you’re real.” If a smile could kill, yours would strike through their hearts that instant.

He laughed and looked at them. “You probably thought a girl like her won’t have a boyfriend right? But turns out I’m real.” His words sounded like it's mocking you instead of reassuring that you’re indeed taken.

“Now that you see him, say something. Did I lie?” You cocked an eyebrow at them and watched how they were fumbling with their words at the same time trying to appear presentable in front of your boyfriend.

“Fine. We believe you.” One of them said but you weren’t done yet. “I think you have something more to say to me.” They rolled their eyes and looked straight at you. “We’re sorry okay.” There was a short silence before one of them spoke again, “So tell us how you meet. He can’t be the one chasing you right?”

Your fingers curled on the table and were ready to lunge at them when Yunho’s palm stopped you from it. He smiled at them and was about to say something when his phone rang.

He excused himself and took the call. After a minute or so, he looked at them and back at you. He came closer to you and whispered to your ear. It was uncomfortable but you had to keep your cool.

“I forgot that I promised the guys to go to the movies. Can I leave?” You pushed him away because his voice was tickling your ears. “Yeah sure. No worries, babe.” He patted your head and saw the look in your eyes, as if telling him this is not over yet.

“Is there something wrong, Yunho?” Both of you turn to the voice and he let off a chuckle. How dare she say his name with that made up cute voice of hers, you thought annoyed.

“Yunho has to go back home, his mother needs him to fix a new cupboard she bought. Right?” “Ah yes. I’m sorry to suddenly leave like this. You girls have fun alright. See you later, baby. Love you.” He went straight to kiss you on the temple and stood up, jogging out from the shop. You were still trying to process what happened as the girls had curiosity written on their faces.

“You both have fun shopping, I have somewhere else to be.” You ran out before they could get more lies from you. Honestly, you have no other plans then going home and rethink about this fake relationship you had with your neighbour as well as childhood friend, Jung Yunho.

Yunho is your ��on-call boyfriend’ meaning that he’ll come and as much as you hate to admit, rescue you when you get stuck in sticky situations like earlier. It started as a joke but somehow he agreed with no further questions. But today he really went overboard with the display of affection that you strongly thought was unnecessary.

- What’s with the PDA earlier?-

- I thought we were supposed to be convincing?-

-Exactly. Convincing not realistic-

He replied with a string of laughing emojis right after and you clicked your phone off, annoyed. He should explain at least but what if it’s not what you wanted to hear? Pushing back the thought away, you decided to stop by your favourite bakery before heading back home. Trying not to think too much about what happened earlier.

Weeks passed by and you stopped hanging out with the girls and was friendless around campus. It felt lonely but at least no one was bothering you about your life anymore.

They still talked to you but you made sure they were not invading your bubble anymore after that incident. That stupid incident where you remembered everything Yunho did on his own accord without feeling guilty or embarrassed as you were.

You were in your room, doing nothing but staring at the books lined up on your desk. How you wish that memory would disappear from your head but that’s not going to happen so easily.

“Honey, can you give this to Yunho?” Your mother passed you a bag filled with dishes she made for dinner. “Why can’t you go give it to him?” She patted your thigh a couple of times and left.

“What is with everyone not giving me proper answers these days?!” You stood up angrily and took the bag with you. With a sour face, you left the house and made a few steps to the front and knocked on his door. It’s that close yet your mother always made you do it.

The door opened and it was not Yunho or his parents. “Yes?” Your eyes were glued on the stranger’s face that you forgot what to say. “Is Yunho here?” He told you to wait for a while before shouting out for your neighbour. You stood there smiling as he accompanied you at the door.

The moment Yunho appeared you grabbed his arm. “Who was that guy?” Yunho looked at you suspiciously. “My friend...no more questions. I’m not giving out free info.” He shook his head at you.

“Your dinner. Bye” You gave him the bag and was about to leave when he stopped you. “Thank you.” You gave him a weird look. “Your welcome. You’re acting weird these days, it’s not too late to see the doctor.” With that, Yunho stared at your closed door before retreating back only to find curious eyes waiting for him. “I’m not explaining anything.”

Another day, another errand from your dearest mother. You were currently walking back home with no other than Yunho. “Don’t you get bored seeing my face everyday?” You asked him all of a sudden. “Not really. Why?” “I feel like I see you so much lately. It’s bothersome.” You grumbled and adjusted your grip on the grocery bags on both hands.

“Well, I’m not leaving any time soon. So expect more I guess.” He joked that made you elbowed his arm in return. You thought it was time to tell him about what’s been bothering you these days, he was a part of it so it’s now or never. “Yunho, I think you should stop being my on-call boyfriend. No one is bothering me anymore.” You explained.

“Then, should I be your boyfriend instead?” You stopped walking and looked at him. He can’t be serious? But he’s not even laughing. “I mean your mum knows I like you so I guess if you’re okay then we can just date.” He continued on as if it’s nothing.

“Wait, my mum knows what? You like me? You’re kidding right?” Your hands were hurting so you started to walk again, not caring whether he answered you or not. It was like that day with the girls where you had to process everything.

“Don’t you want to try it out?” His words sound so foreign to your ears. You hated to think that this was happening and he’s waiting for you to answer. “We’ve been friends since forever. I don’t think it’s going to make any difference.” You said not putting much thought in your words.

“Exactly. What’s the difference, we’re going to see each other like usual.” Yunho peeked at your face and saw how unhappy you looked. “I’ve kissed you a good amount of times so what’s the problem now.” Your eyes widened at his words but luckily he didn’t notice.

The problem is you don’t want to believe that you’re catching feelings for him. That’s what it was this whole time. “I’ll date you if you answer this question.” He looked way too calm about this and it scared you a bit. “Sure, what is it?”

“The day when you had to leave for the movies, did you like me back then too?” You bit your lips, obviously nervous about his answer. “I’ve liked you way before that. That’s why your mum kept on making you send food to me every now and then.”

It has been that long. Your apartment was already in sight and his words were still ringing in your ears but the group of boys watching you and Yunho made you stop functioning altogether.

“There you are! Your mum told us you went out. Oh, who is she?”

With a confident smile, he answered. “My girlfriend”

[cosmiclatte28]

The Undead collab

for @biaswreckingfics the undead collab! such an amazing collab and I am honored to write for Lay.

summary : The world had been destroyed. Zombies. Yes, you heard me right. Zombies took over humanities. They said it was conspiracy, others said it was planned, someone said it’s a bio weapon but you? You said this was fate and this was meant to be. In the middle of the chaos, your last proof as being a human started to disappear. And in times where you wished for safety, you did finally come to find the man who’s been embracing you in your dreams. Your online sugar daddy.

Semi smut (not explained just mentioned), romance, survival story

members : EXO-M

Pairing : lay x reader

WC : 3702

tw : zombies, daddy issues

The world had been destroyed. Zombies. Yes, you heard me right. Zombies took over humanities. They said it was a conspiracy, others said it was planned, someone said it’s a bio weapon but you? You said this was fate and this was meant to be. In the middle of the chaos, your last proof as being a human started to disappear. And in times where you wished for safety, you did finally come to find the man who’s been embracing you in your dreams. Your online sugar daddy.

You’ve lost count of the days. To be honest day and night don’t feel different as you have to stay alert all the time. There’s no time to rest, no time to slack, and no time to worry about what you left behind. It all started as a gas leak in a big biohazardous factory. The company keeps it secret, slowly affecting the workers there who are trying to fix the leak. It’s not a green smoke like what you would see in a Disney villain movie, it’s a nicely colored pink gas that smells sweet but is deadly enough to churn your organs and make you turn into what the society calls “zombie”

The outbreak spreads faster than the plague, with the infected “biting” the human and changin them into zombies. The conspiracy theories maker believe this was planned as how all zombie films look exactly like this. The scientists believed this were an unprepared bioweapon aimed to be released a century from the latest pandemic in 2020. You? You believe this is just fate and that there’s no meaning to hustle about what’s right. You just have three things in your head. Run, Adapt, Survive.

You’re glad you still have your phone, charger, knife, and a radio to contact any bases that have survivors in them. You’ve survived the days by running, hiding, and stealing big cars to help you run over the town. This morning, you got a signal from your radio saying that there’s some group of survivors on a certain latitude and longitude. You quickly take notes of it, and tell them over that you’re going to join them. As you pick your stuffs and put your compass on, you hear your radio static voice.

“How can we ensure you’re human?” one of them with a deep voice asks over the radio and you roll your eyes “Would a zombie be smart enough to find radio signals and communicate?”

You hear a loud laugh on the other end and you note that there’s more than one person there.

“How many of you are there?” you ask suddenly afraid if it’s a too big group and you have to make hard decisions with bigger parties.

There’s a shuffle and a voice comes in “There’s only 6 of us. I am the leader, Kris and you?”

You start your engine, “I’m (y/n). I’ll arrive before the sun sets hopefully.”

“Good luck and stay safe. We hope to see you in one complete piece. Over.”

--

“Who is it Kris?” The young man with a sweet dimple asks the leader after hearing the short conversation on the radio.

“Oh, from the voice I’m pretty sure she’s a survivor like us.” Kris peeks over the blinds of their hideout and notices how empty the road is.

“Can you reach Suho? I wonder if they survive too.” the same guy asks again.

Kris pats his shoulder “They’ll be okay Lay, don’t worry. I’m sure Suho can take care of the guys. Now, what about we try to find food for tonight?”

Lay sighs “I don’t know. With Luhan being weak today from using too much of his powers, I have to be here to help him heal faster.”

Kris sighs, with the 12 of them divided it was harder to fight the zombies. They are gifted with supernatural powers, but at the moment 6 of them are in another place and its their goal to reunite.

Kris left his radio and went to shower. They call themselves the EXO-M, with 6 members of their own powers.

---

You stop over an abandoned supermarket, after making sure there’s no one around, you quickly hoard all the canned foods and waters. Picked up fires and some warm blanket for you to sleep tonight.

Your journey to their basecamp was not smooth, with you having to walk over some hoard of zombies. With your eyes shut close you hit the gas and just move forward without thinking.

“Hey, hey can you hear me?” your radio suddenly turns on and your ears perk up when you hear the sound.

“Yes?”

There was a sudden pause.

Lay gulps and shakes his head when he hears your voice.

“Sorry, but can you bring us some food supplies?”

You sigh “I already did. You’re lucky but did you know how crazy it would be if I have to go back?”

He groans “You’re a handful aren’t you?”

You were too focused on the road, not filtering your word “I AM. You can say I am a sugar baby at all time, so yeah I am a handful.” you yell that as you strive through some muddy place and you notice there’s a small strong bunker in the middle of the field.

Lay stays silent as he controls his beating heart. Why does something rings a bell in his memory.

He grits his teeth and shake his head “Just come here quick. We have to help our brothers.”

You groan “I am in front of a bunker pretty sure this is where you guys are. How come you can find a place without any infected people?” you ask as you see a man opens the door for you to come in.

“Chen, Tao, Xiumin and Kris go take her foods and keep it safe.”

You yell as the dimpled man grabs your hand into the bunker. You shake it off “Hey, that’s my food supplies!”

“First off my name is Lay.”

“Okay Lay,” you cut him off “Stop robbing my supplies.”

Lay’s eyes turn dark “Hey, you’re the guest here. Don’t you think it’s also dangerous for us to just accept you here?! If it’s not because of Tao’s clumsy hand pressing the radio to give you a signal, Kris won’t bring anyone in.”

You feel offended, “If you don’t want me here you can say that directly. You’re not my master or husband or whatever, i can go if you want that so bad, but let me take all my stuffs with me.”

As Lay was about to spit back words to you, a strong grip separates both of you and you gasp surpsied.

“(y/n) right? Nice to see you come in one piece. I am Kris, sorry if Lay said anything that hurts you. He’s been alert for the last two days trying to heal our exhausted brother. I apologize on his behalf.” Kris, bows at you in a respectable angle and your anger fumes down. He sure is the leader and you’re glad his words didn’t sting.

“Thank you Kris, I like your welcome better. I came here with supplies, I want to share it with all of you but Lay here just robbed my car.” you sneer at the tall man and he just rolls his eyes.

“Lay, would you mind taking (y/n) to the bathroom? She can use some shower and you can check if she needs any medical healing.”

“We’ll take care of dinner. Don’t worry, you’ve had a long day. Good job in arriving here.” Kris sends you off and walks away. You sure like how this Kris manners are

You want to protest for being left with Lay but Lay’s firm grip dragging you into the bathroom left you with no option than to follow him.

--

“I’m sorry, your voice just reminds me of someone and I was distracted.” he suddenly speak up from the shower stall next to you.

You turn your neck to see him, the shower walls are not that tall for Lay. You can see his head from the side, but it covers your height nicely.

You gulp and continue washing your hair, facing the other way as you always did when you wash your hair. Your back facing the shower so that your eyes are free from the water.

“It’s okay, i am sorry I was just stressed and tired too. I swear I am not a handful.” you blush when you remember the first introduction between both of you.

Lay has a special memory working in his head and he chuckles “You’ll say I am wild but you reminded me of my sugar baby.”

You blushed, feeling a tingle on your naked body “Oh, in what way?”

He turns the shower off and looks at you “I never see my sugar baby, We both don’t know how each other look. We’re just talking and chatting and having fun remaining anonymous.”

Now it’s your turn to gulp and turn the shower off, you grab the towel Lay prepared earlier and wrap yourself in it “Now that’s interesting. Mind to tell me why you suddenly remember her?”

Lay chuckles and looks to the ceiling “We did voice calls sometimes, and when you said “I am a handful” you really sound like her.”

You bashfully stare at your feet. There's a bothersome fact in your head that also says Lay sounds like someone you know.

“Alright, I guess we need to go join the others?” you reappear in front of him with your fresh set of clothes you just took from the supermarket.

Lay nods “Before that, a quick check. We can’t have you bleeding or injured around here.” He twists and turns your body checking and pressing here and there to see if you have any wound or broken bones.

“You’re quiet strong for you to be alone for days. Just wounds but no big injuries! I can heal your internal injuries so the infected at least can’t smell you that strongly.” Lay explains and you just nod.

“How will you do that?” you squeak and he smiles “You’ll discover tonight.” he winks and your heart stops a beat when memories of a voice comes back to your head.

He couldn't be…

Dinner was better than what you have had for the past days. Somehow the EXO-M have their own food supplies here but they are also running out of foods.

"Before we eat, let's thank you our new sister here (y/n)," the man with doe eyes smile at you nicely and make all the rest of the men stare at you.

You shake your head "No problem, I should he the one to thank you for accepting me inside. That's a big trust you have."

The men chuckles and Kris hushes them down "We sure knows because only special people like us can survive this long." He begins to take the foods on the table and the rest of them also joins.

You were sitting next to Xiumin and he helps you to get your foods on your plate.

"We eat from the same pan, so don't worry. We don't plan to kill you or hurt you." He grins "I am the one cooking so please enjoy it."

You chuckle, if this was Lay's cooking maybe you will be careful remembering how your first impression wasn't good. Though something still bothers your mind when you see him take a glance or two at you.

You learn about their abilities, a supernatural power that helps them survive until today. Just like you, the 6 men here have their powers and they have a separated brothers who also own powers. Their goal is to reunite and survive together but as far as you understand their story, they still cannot reach EXO-K and no news know what happened to them.

Kris was able to fly, making him the one to do errands like finding foods and shelters. Xiumin is their frost guardian. Luhan is gifted with telekinesis that's why when there was an attack, he had to work hard blasting the zombies away. You learned that Chen has a beautiful and powerful voice and he is gifted with making thunder. Tao can mess with time but he hasn't master time travel yet and finally lay. Lay has a healing power.

"So the 6 of you are unstoppable." You conclude as you drop your chopstick when you're done with food.

They nod "We're quite powerful now but you see we're getting weaker. And we need to meet the rest of the brothers to become more powerful."

"So what's your power?" Tao, the youngest, blurts out the question and you laugh

"I don't have a power. what are you talking about?"

Tao whines about how you don't need to hide it from them but you really don't know what they're talking about

"I am just a regular human." You snap and that brings an awkward silence to the room. You see kris looking cross at Tao and you can't stand the stares so you excuse yourself to hide in the only place you've been. The bathroom.

You turn the sink on and wash your hands, trying to cool your head down but you cannot focus when you see the small tattoo on your wrist. A tattoo of your family surname. You run your fingers over it. Feeling your tears collect again when you remember how they all died on the first week of the apocalypse. You lost everyone and everything you love. You're forced to run and you're so young to survive because your father reminded you that whatever happen go run for your life and leave your loved ones behind.

You wash your face, trying to hide the tears that fall on your cheeks.

when you hear another footstep coming into the room, you turn the water off. You saw him coming and you expected he'll greet you with a "Stop wasting the water silly" but all you heard was a sweet deep voice you've always heard on your lonely nights. On nights where you feel so lonely and dark thoughts loom around.

"May I little one?" A voice you remember.

You turn your head to face him and shake your head "Are you really who I am thinking?"

Your heart screams "Yes daddy," but that doesn't leave your mouth.

He stops and stares at his feet "Are you someone I am thinking of?"

Both of you don't answer the questions. Instead, Lay sits down on one of the benches there and you lean on the washing table.

"You really remind me of my online sugar baby. I hope she's doing fine. I hope she survived. I cared a lot about her."

You let Lay continue talking.

"She said she likes to shower backway, her face away from the shower head. You did that earlier and I was surprised. But hey coincidence could happen right."

You blush laughing a little "You sound like you really care for her."

He nods "She's my favorite."

You play with your hair "Tell me more. I guess listening to stories like this is better than just getting asked about how my journey here looks like."

Yes you really don't need a reminder on how scary getting chased after a mob of zombies is.

"I don't think I'll ever hear from her again." He suddenly leans back and closes his eyes

"Oh how I wish i ever see her."

You fish your pocket and grab your phone out

"Do you want to borrow my phone and maybe look up her account?" You pass him your phone and he looks interested

"We didn't get the chance to take our phones when we had to evacuate. Silly us right." He brushes his hair back and you caught a glimpse of his abs.

"Will this ring a bell to you?" You clear your throat and calm your heartbeat.

"Sugar sweets here ready for you daddy" you close your eyes ready to feel embarrassed if things didn't go as planned. You can feel your ego crumbling but instead of a laugh or a wtf, you got a reply "Daddy's here sweetie, tell me what you want"

Both of you avoid each other's eyes for a minute. Ears flushing red and stomach filled with butterflies. Both of you suddenly laugh and chuckle

"So, you're my sugar daddy?" You finally ask after realizing how weird this should be but its not that weird.

"And you are my sugar baby!" He smiles "I am glad you are safe and here with me."

You walk to his side and sit next to him "i am sweetcheeks14"

He pinches your cheek "And i am the man behind sinfulwhispers"

The two of you laugh and you exhale a breath to relax

"So. What is it your super power?" You chuckle suddenly feeling stupid for asking that

Lay looks at you seriously "You think we were kidding? I really have a healing power."

Before you can scoff and reply with another power to joke around, he already pulls you to face him and as he concentrates you see his hand sticking out just few centimeters away from the stomach you actually hurt yesterday. Despite your attempt to laugh, you actually feel your stomach ache gone and a warm feeling runs in your body.

"There should be good as new. You're welcome." He clicks his tongue and you still freeze there unable to say anything.

"I- i don't know what to say." You touch your stomach again making sure it is really gone the pain.

He just sits down calmly beside you. Giving you time and space to think what the heck just happened.

“I know it’s confusing, but try to think about this.” he brushes your hair away to see your face. His warm big hand creeps up to reach your chin and holds it there “You’re a wonderful sweetheart and you’ve survived this long by yourself.” he searches your eyes to see if you’re scared of him or not, and when he sees your eyes twinkle, Lay erases the gap between you two.

“You have a super power sweetheart, you just have to embrace it.” he presses his lips on to yours and slowly bites yours.

You give in to his touch, finally tasting the kiss from your sugar daddy and finally just finally you’re not tensed from having to sleep in full alert, not stressed over where to take shelter.

Lay hugs you deep and that’s the time when you realize having someone by your side on hard times like this is the best.

Your tear falls from your eyes and when Lay wants to pull away and wipe it for you, you keep pressing his head to your lips and with one gentle move you flick your tears away only for both of you to jump back in surprise.

“What was that?” he asks suddenly holding your hand that just flick the small tears away and definitely leaves a hole on the toilet door.

You stare at your hands in horror, no way you have a super power.

Lay and you freeze in time, did you have that much power? Is that why you keep on slaying and killin the dead?

“Baby, I have a good feeling.” he picks you up before you can say anything and drags you out into a special room where you see a lot of training equipments.

“Would you mind?” he is already holding a boxing tape and you raise your palm to let him wrap your hands with the tape before he gives you an apple to your hand.

“Okay, now let’s see. We both will throw the apple and see whose will stick to the wall there.” he points to a side and you ask if it’s going to be okay.

Lay chuckles “It’s bulletproof, so let’s see.”

Both of you stand from the same line and throw the apples to the wall, sure enough yours leave a crack mark on the wall but not Lay’s

Suddenly the room echoes with claps and you turn your head to realize that the others are already here.

“We saw you running here with Lay, so we watched the camera.” Kris explained

You blushed, what if both of you were going to fuck, will they still be watching?

“Now, the final check to see if you’re still human is this.” Luhan points to a chair and you look at them confused.

“We’ll take your blood and do a quick lab test, our antibodies will be different if you’re immune to the “zombies” here.” Luhan explained as he already poked a needle into your vein and take a tube to test your blood.

“Go sleep and don’t think or worry about anything. We promise we won’t do anything to you. Take your well needed rest.” Xiumin explains and soon after the brothers discuss, Lay decided to take you into his room.

No one has to know what happens in that four walled space. You’re finally with your virtual sugar daddy and there’s a guarantee that the room is sound proof so both of you didn’t hold anything back.

“I’m glad you found me.” Lay whispers after both of you are done chasing your highs and cuddled nicely under the bed covers.

You yawn “I didn’t expect to finally be in your arms, but I will trade anything in this world to be here. I feel safe. Thank you Lay.”

Lay kisses the top of your head “Love you sweetheart, let’s see the result tomorrow and if you’re totally immune and like us, you’ll stay with us.”

You wonder what if you are not immune, will they throw you out? But before you can ask Lay already hugs you closer and hums a lullaby to your ear.

You settled on not trying to know what will happen if you’re not like them, and choose to sleep trying to think that everything is okay.

--

After all, you’re glad you find them and that they don’t disown you. Because having one more of the undead in their 12 immortal group is a good thing.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

innocence - 24

PAIRING: bodyguard!bucky barnes x innocent actress!reader

WARNINGS: none

A/N: i took three weeks to post, i am very sorry but i’ll now be posting the holiday chapters i was supposed to but i got lost in eating mince pies. hope you enjoy xx

NEXT CHAPTER

   - Bucky, what are you doing? - Y/N smirked as she returned from set, still dressed in a scandalous dress covered by a beige rain coat. Small droplets of water covered the beige waterproof fabric which rolled onto the ground as she made her way further into the small flat. 

Bucky was sat in bed, looking at a pile of clothing thrown next to an open old military green rucksack by his feet. A few worn out brown leathered tags we attached to one of the handles and had she been wearing her glasses, she could’ve probably guessed what it was written on them. The brown haired man rose his head at the mention of his name, eyes widening at what she was wearing. He was used to seeing her in tight, revealing dresses but this dress was something else and he wondered how she could walk with such a skin tight garment. 

    - I’m just deciding what to pack. - he shrugged, trying to forget about the dress his girlfriend was wearing. 

   - Just pack warm. - she sat next to him, leaning her head against his shoulder, an immediate smile extending in her limps. - Mum said it might snow. Can you imagine, a white Christmas?

   - Did they give you a bad time on set?

A bad time? A bad time was an understatement. She had gotten an earful from everyone who passed by her that day from her manager to her personal assistant to even Mr. Hayworth who just screamed about how stupid she was. Even half the cast was upset, not enjoying the publicity it would bring to the movie and while she would normally end up crying in her trailer, Chuck ensured to follow her around to make sure she was alright. Yet, none of it matter. It was the last day of shooting before she got to go home to her parents and forget about the mess she had willingly created. It was only a day before she could spend the holidays with someone who chose her and kept choosing her for the first time. It really didn’t matter if she had a bad time, things were starting to look up for her. 

    - Other than the stripper dress? Not as bad. - she giggled. Bucky looked at her, trying to peak through the coat. - I was thinking ... maybe we should have a nice long bath together? I’ll light some candles, get some nice wine from the shop down the street.

    - You little vixen, I still have to go see my sister. If I take a bath with you I will end up staying much more time than I should. - Bucky kissed the side of her face. - Did you wear that dress just to tempt me?

    - I would never. It is not my fault you cannot control yourself. 

    - That dress is staying until I come back, though.

    - I want to come. - she got up from the bed, pulling the dress from her body and grabbing her white jumper and pair of jeans from the wardrobe. - You’re meeting my family, it’s only fair I meet yours.

    - I’ve told you already, princess. We don’t wanna poke the media, they’ll bite us back with no mercy. I don’t want people hurting you because of me.

    - You can’t sneak me into a care home? My, my, Mr. Barnes, I thought you could get anyone into anywhere. Your CV said so.

   - Are you doubting my abilities, princess? - he grabbed her by the waist, pulling her closing to him before starting to tickle her sides. - It’ll be boring to you, my princess. Just stay here, put back that tight little dress and I’ll make it worth your time.

   - No way. I’m meeting your sister. 

   - No baby pictures, Y/N. 

   - I would never. - she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hard felt yet soft kiss. - Only childhood stories. 

Bucky rolled his eyes, handing her the jacket and hat as they made their way onto a taxi. Bucky visited his sister a lot but he’d never mentioned Y/N. Not that he didn’t want to, of course he did. In all honesty, he could speak about his girl for as long as someone allowed him. However, Y/N was still a public personality and he wouldn’t want to let something out that she wasn’t comfortable with people knowing. Besides, he knew how much his sister still adored to gossip and he wouldn’t want to possibly hurt Y/N or be the cause. 

She, on the other hand, was excited. She knew Steve and Steve was the oldest of Bucky’s friends but she never thought she would get to meet someone from his family or that he’d even want to introduce her to someone from his family. After all, he was a war hero and Y/N was an actress from a small town in London who everyone seemed to despise at the moment.

The man drove them up to small complex building of what seemed to be newly built flats. Bucky was the first one off the taxi, running up to her side so he could open the door. It always left her feeling like a school girl; the pageantry, it is. She never believed she would find someone and the fact someone rushed to go and open the door for her and held his hand out.

    - Anything you’d like to confess before I ask your sister? - Y/N teased, hugging him side eyes as he led her to the entrance.

    - Do not believe what she says, I did not date too many girls.

    - Steve disagrees with that.

    - How would you know what Steve agrees or disagrees with? 

    - I called him to wish him happy holidays.

    - I didn’t know you and Steve were friendly.

    - Don’t be jealous, love. I’m not stealing your best friend. - Y/N pinched his cheek playfully as the two of them stopped in front of a wooden door with the number 35 in gold numbers pinned to it.

Bucky knocked on the door, announcing himself before holding Y/N once again close to him. He went through his mind, wondering if there was anything Rebecca could tell which would upset her. Sure, he used to be a bit of a womaniser in his youth but Y/N knew that. He hadn’t gotten anyone pregnant, he hadn’t proposed and ran off, he was off the hook. Still, he didn’t like the idea of Becca telling Y/N about his past quests.

Y/N waited patiently until someone held the door. The first thing she noticed were her eyes, the same as Bucky’s and she could recognise them anywhere. The woman had perfectly styled grey hair and a smile on her lips as she recognised her brother.

    - Who is this lovely girl, Buck? You didn’t tell me you’d bring company, I would’ve gotten some biscuits. 

   - This is Y/N, she’s my girlfriend. 

   - Steve told me you were seeing someone, I just didn’t think she’d be this pretty. Come in, come in. - Becca grabbed Y/N away from Bucky leading her to the living room. - What you wanted is in the bedroom, Buck.

   - Behave. - Bucky told his sister before he went into the bedroom to look for what he had come in from. 

   - I have some photos I think you’d love to see, darlin’. - she pointed the couch for Y/N to sit in before waddling to the big mahogany bookcase. She had a huge collection of books from old classics to new contemporary masterpieces which Y/N would love to read someday. The house itself was cozy, way more comfortable than other care homes she’d seen but she guessed Bucky would’ve only allowed for the best for his little sister. - It’s been ages since I’ve seen one of Bucky’s girlfriends. Not that he used to bring them home, but I used to sneak in and take a peak. You’re definitely the prettiest of all of them. 

   - Thank you. - Y/N couldn’t help but feel her cheeks heat up.

   - Ah, there it is. - she dropped a photo album on Y/N’s lap. - My father gave my mother a photo camera and she went crazy with it. Too many photos. However, when Bucky was born, it was a special occasion. Dad used to say she wanted a professional photo taken with her Jamie. 

She pointed at a photo of an woman probably in her early 20s holding a baby wrapped in several blankets, accompanied by a man who Bucky resembled very much. Her fingers traced the face of the baby, a little smile forming on her lips. It was nice to see him like that, normal. No mentions of the Winter Soldier, no pain, none of her constant drama due to her profession.

   - He was the eldest of four and despite what my mother would say, he was always the favourite. The only boy. He got away with whatever he wanted.

   - Bucky has three siblings?

   - Three sisters. Some of them didn’t survive. It was war. - her voice softened with sadness as she turned the page for a photo that Y/N wasn’t expecting to see. The same woman from before, his mother, was hugging a shirtless Bucky who had some boxing gloves on. Her face contorted into curiosity as Bucky exited the room and leaned against the couch, standing next to the two women.

  - What are you two ladies looking at? - Bucky kissed Y/N’s head, putting his hand on her shoulder. 

  - I think Y/N is very curious about your welterweight boxing past.

  - You did boxing?

  - Princess, I was a three-time YMCA Welterweight boxing champion. - Bucky closed the album before any of the photos of him with some of the ladies he used to hang around with showed up. - Becca, we should get going. We have an early flight tomorrow. 

  - You need to bring her more often. - Rebecca got up from the couch to accompany them to the door. - Did you find what you were looking for?

  - Yes, Beccs. Thank you so much for keeping it all these years.

  - Pretty sure mum would come back to haunt me if I hadn’t. Have fun meeting the parents. - she kissed Bucky’s cheek allowing for the two of them to leave. Bucky immediately wrapped his chunky knitted scarf, something his grandma had knitted for him ages ago, around Y/N’s neck, pulling her to his side.

He couldn’t truly remember a time where he was this happy, so full of need to continue living. She really brought him to this sort of weird normality where his past didn’t seem to affect him or at least not as strongly as it usually did. The two walked into grey skies, it was probably going to rain but none of them cared, walking side by side like those couples on Christmas songs. 

   - A boxing champion? 

   - Knock it off, princess. - Bucky helped her into the taxi, telling the driver his address before fastening his seat belt. - It was a long time ago.

   - Do you miss her? - she questioned, leaning her head against his shoulder, watching the horizons run through in blurs. - Your mother. Rebecca said you were the favourite.

   - Rebecca is always saying that. - he scoffed. - I do miss her. She was a swell lady, always caring about us, not complaining whenever she had to travel around because of my father. She was the best mother someone could’ve asked for. She would’ve liked you.

   - You think so?

   - I know so. Dad would’ve liked you too so would aunt Ida. Of course there’s still my nephews and nieces and their kids, but they don’t really want to speak with me ... - she didn’t need to ask why, she could see it in his eyes why and it made her sad. It made her sad to think of his family not wanting to be with him, specially during the holidays. - But I’ve had Rebecca and Steve for all these years. They’re my family and now I have you.

    - Well, I can’t promise my family will like you but they’ll definitely found the fact I have a boyfriend amusing. 

   - You mean to tell me I don’t have any ex boyfriends I’ll have to fight once we get to London?

   - That’s just unfair, Bucky. You’re a three-time boxing champion. 

   - You’ll never let that one go will you?

   - Nope. Dating a three-time boxing champion is a new identity I can get used to. 

taglist: @disasterbii @lookiamtrying @buckysteveloki-me @americasass81 @jamesbarnesappreciationclub @lostinthebeans @mariahthelioness29 @buckyandsebastian @peaches-roses-sins @theadorasabditory @sipsteacasually @saiyanprincessswanie @booktease21 @noiralei @learisa @everythingisoverratedbutgreat @uglipotata72829 @naturalthrone22 @husherstan @mandiiblanche @vicmc624 @newyorkgoddess @itsallyscorner @chipilerendi @emzd34 @writerwrites @bluevxnus @that-girl-named-alex @captnrogers @nsfwsebbie @sarge-barnes-sir​

[tryingmybestpls]

Avalanche

Pairing: Javier Peña x Reader

Summary: After a call from her sister, the Reader debates on talking about her father with Javi.

Rating: T

Word Count: 2.3k

Warning: I definitely wrote this because of my deep seated daddy issues, angst

Javier knew that Y/N and her dad had an incredibly strained relationship. Sometimes when she was four beers in, she would say that she hated her dad. Six beers in with a shot or two of something harder, she might even go into detail why she doesn't like him Javi didn't dare bring up her dad in conversation. All it did was sour the mood and make her shut down. It would take a few days for her to come out of it and then she'd be as right as rain.

They were having a good night together, curled up on her couch post-coitus and watching some shitty movie that Y/N had rented when her phone started to ring. She begrudgingly got up, pulling on her discarded shirt and panties before she walked over to the phone. Javi shifted on the couch to watch the younger woman, his eyebrows knitting together as he tried to piece together who it was on the other line.

"Y/L/N-Hey-Hey, slow down. What's wrong?" Y/N answers, her look of annoyance shifting into one of concern. Javi sits up, looking at her worriedly. He manages to catch her eye and Y/N mouths "Sister" to him. Javi nods, relaxing slightly as he stands, motioning to the front door as he gathers his clothes. She nods in responses, leaning against the wall as he gets dressed.

"It's alright. I'll be right back." He says softly, stopping as he walks by her to press his lips against her temple. He wishes he could offer her some more comfort, but there isn't much he can do. Javi opens and closes the door as quietly as possible, wanting to give Y/N some privacy. He walks a few feet to get to his apartment, unlocking it and stepping inside before anyone could see him.

If the call had come earlier in the evening, Y/N's sister would have been just calling to talk. That happens weekly and when it did, Javi would sit in the same room and listen to them. A big smile would stretch across his face as he'd listen to the two women talk. He'd watch as Y/N twisted the cord around her finger, rolling her eyes at whatever story her sister was telling.

But it hadn't. The call came later, which only meant her sister had bad news.

Javier sighed and grabbed a carton of cigarettes off the table. He pulled one out, putting in between his lips, and then grabbed his lighter. It took him a few tries to light his cigarette, each try worsening his mood. Javi finally got a flame to appear on the fourth try, saving the lighter from being flung across the room.

If he really strains his ears, he can hear her through the walls. Y/N's upset, every other word coming out of her mouth is a curse word-both in English and in Spanish. Javi knows it's going to be a long night because he knows-he just knows she's going to be incredibly upset. He moves to sit down on his couch, rubbing his thumb across his brow as he sinks further into the cognac leather, taking another drag from his cigarette.

-

An hour or two later, Javi knocks on the door before he opens it. It doesn't matter how many times he stays over, doesn't matter if he is practically living over at her place, he always knocks on the door. His eyes land on her as soon as he opens the door. She's sitting down at her little dining room table, her head in her hands.

She raises her head when the door clicks shut. Javi can see that her eyes are red and her cheeks are wet. Y/N stands suddenly, inhaling shakily as she walks into her kitchen. He watches as she grabs the bottle of whiskey of the counter, getting two glass tumblers from one of the cabinets. Y/N sniffles as she pours two drinks.

That's when he snaps out of it. He walks over to her, taking the glass as soon as she slides it over to him. Y/N immediately takes a long sip from it, letting the alcohol relax her somewhat. Javier watches his partner before he drinks a little from his own glass, moving so his back is resting against the counter. He doesn't push her, doesn't force her to talk. They stand there in silence, the only noise coming from them breathing and the incessant noise of the air conditioner.

He knows that she's hurting-it's written all over her face. Y/N isn't going to bring it up and the way she's blinking fast means that she wants to stop herself from breaking down. They haven't put a label on what they're doing, so Javier doesn't know how to act. Neither of them like talking about their emotions and that's what's making this even more uncomfortable.

"Are you...Are you alright?" Javi breaks the silence, turning to look at her as he finished her drink, wincing at how it burns down her throat.

"We don't have to do this. We can just pretend like that call didn't happen." Y/N replies, keeping her eyes forward. She's afraid that if she looks over at him, she'll break down right then and there.

"I don't think we should." Javi responds, his eyes focused on her. Y/N pressed her lips together, weighing out the pros and cons of telling him what her sister had said.

She didn't want to burden him with her family issues, mainly since it wasn't his job to listen to that. They weren't in a normal, conventional relationship and they weren't exactly in a normal situation. Their work was incredibly dangerous and in office relationships were strongly prohibited. Opening up to him like that can push their little friends with benefits situation over the edge into more of a relationship territory and Y/N didn't know how that would exactly pan out.

But would that be so bad?

Would it be so bad if she shared how she was feeling and what she was going through with her partner? They are friends after all and friends do care for each other. Javier had a right to know how Y/N is doing emotionally and if she trusts him enough to have her back out in the field and if she trusted him to share her bed, she should be able to trust him enough to share her feelings. She could hear her sister's voice in her head, telling her that her being afraid of talking about her feelings is apart of her deep-seated daddy issues. Y/N let out a shaky sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"She-She told me he wants to get in contact with me. He yelled at her for a good thirty minutes over the phone to try to find out where I was and what my number was." Y/N breaks the silence, looking down into her glass as she refills it. Javi doesn't need her to tell him who is "he" is. Her change in mood is saying it loud and clear.

"Did she say why?" Javi questions, treading the waters carefully. She shrugs her shoulders, taking another sip of her drink.

"He just told her that he wants to talk me, says he misses me." Y/N replies, swirling the amber colored liquid in her glass as she continues, "He doesn't get to miss me. Not after everything he did."

She trying to pretend like none of this is affecting her, but she's been crying. Y/N can't hide the red in her eyes and she surely can't hide the emotion that's making her voice crack every time she speaks. Javi gives her another moment, letting her collect herself. He watches as she shuts her eyes, leaning her forehead against the cool wood of the cabinet in front of her.  Y/N's trying to calm down her breathing, trying to make herself relax, but they both know it's not working.

"He hasn't talked to me in years. In fucking years. And-And all of a sudden he wants to to just waltz back into my life? Like he didn't fucking abandon us?" Her words are soaked in emotion and they practically have to crawl out of her throat. Tears are brimming in her eyes once again as they look at him. Her bottom lip is trembling, "He-He told me once that I didn't love him. He was kicking me out to move his new family in and he told me that I didn't love him."

Javier knows that she just wants him to listen. It's not like she does this all the time so he knows exactly what to do or anything like that. In the couple of years that they known each other as friends and as partners, she has only gotten this emotional about her family a few times. Twice when they were still friends and the other two when they had started sleeping together. All of them while she was drunk. The first time she had done it was on the anniversary of her mother's death and she asked if he could just listen to her. Y/N told him that he didn't need to response to every little word because she doesn't need that. All she needs is someone to listen.

"And the worst part-the worst part about this whole God damned situation is that I can't even force myself to hate him. I can't hate him and I want to so bad. I wish I could hate him for the shitty things he's put us through as a family, but I can't. I can't hate him because he's my dad and he's the only parent I have left. I want to hate him so bad and I can't." Y/N's voice breaks as tears stream down her cheeks. Javi sets his drink down and pulls her into his arms, holding her tightly.

Javier doesn't even know what to say. While he doesn't have the best relationship with his dad, it was no where near how horrible Y/N's relationship with her father. It didn't help that Y/N didn't wear her heart on her sleeve. She usually had thick skin, so in moments like this-well, Javi just didn't know how to react. All he knows that he wants to make her feel better in anyway he can.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I'm sorry." He murmurs to her, kissing her forehead. She sniffles, her arms wrapping around his middle. Javi rubs her back soothingly, trying to do everything he can to just make her feel slightly better even though this is all new territory for him. He pulls back slightly in order to look at her, his hand moving to cup her cheek. Y/N tried to swallowing the lump in her throat as she looked up at him. Javier's breath catches in his throat as she looks up at him, all watery-eyes and upset.

Javier Peña is angry. Angry that her father had made her so upset. Angry at the situation her father had put her in. And Javi has been angry a lot in his life, but this a different type of angry. This anger is festering deep inside him. Javi realizes he hates seeing her like this. He hates her being this sad about a man who was supposed take care of her and raise her. Everything that she has told him, these little bits and pieces of her life are slowly fitting together, letting him see exactly what type of person Y/N's dad is. That, in turn, lets him see that Javier hates the man too. He hates a man that he has never met because Javier just doesn't understand how you could be so vile towards an angel this sweet.

"He's an asshole, Y/N, and if I could if beat the shit out of him I would." Javi announces, causing a watery smile to appear on her face and making a laugh bubble out of her mouth. Javier smiles in response, his thumb wiping away her fallen tears. This is far from what they usually do when they're alone together. The touching usually isn't this...intimate.

"You're too sweet to me, Peña." Y/N replies, leaning slightly into his touch. Javi keeps smiling at her, even if his brain and heart are both racing a hundred miles a minute. She's just as worried as he is, afraid that he's going to want to end what they had going on because this all new territory for the both of them. Y/N is thinking too much, all of the emotions in her head overwhelming her, not knowing whether to remain sad about the situation with her father or be happy in Javier's arms.

"Can you blame me, hermosa?" He replies, leaning down to press his lips against hers. This kiss was soft and sweet, miles away from their usual kisses. Y/N kisses him back, only pulling away to rest her head on his chest. She feels comforted, feels at ease right here in his arms. It didn't matter how much her heart was still hurting due to her father's actions. Being held by Javi took away some of the sting or at least distracted her from it.

"I guess I can't." She murmurs into his blue button up. While Javi has no fucking idea what he is doing, all he knows is that this just feels right. He knows that even though he has no idea what is going to happen, he wants more of this, more of her. He presses his lips against the top of her head as he holds her close to him, hoping for best.

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 38

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: A new semester is starting

A/N: We are finally done with the holiday chapters! When it comes to this chapter, I'd like to state that I only have some experience from a couple of Finnish universities so I really don't know a whole lot about how certain things work in practice in the States, so please ignore the possible inaccuracies for the sake of this fic. It feels weird after a couple of 'bigger' chapters to have a bit more 'fillery' one... but... but... there's Caleo in the beginning?? So I hope you'll enjoy nevertheless. I wish I could spread even more love towards this ship because they deserve it but sadly there are only so few hours in a day. The fandom seems so quiet these days...

Anyway, enough rambling! Now let's get to this chapter, and the usual reminder: I love to hear what you think! All comments are much appreciated :)

Words: 2500+ 

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / AO3

...

”Is something the matter? You look quite unhappy.”

Leo felt arms sneak around his shoulders from behind while he was sitting on the common area sofa, staring at his laptop with a frown. Some of the speaker’s reddish brown hair fell in front of his face, the smell of cinnamon drifting into his nose, and for some reason that alone was enough to relieve some of Leo’s uneasiness. The small, pale hands found their way down his biceps and stopped there, but he wasn’t going to complain. If he was honest, he was really happy about Calypso’s growing confidence when it came to the physical affection, because it told him she really trusted him. Sometimes he was still amazed that he out of all the people had managed to break the ice around her.

Before Leo let himself get too lovestruck, though, he reminded himself why he was staring at his laptop in the first place. The new semester was starting and that naturally meant new courses, new assignments, new texts to read and… new emails from his professors. One specific email had managed to twist his stomach quite badly. In it, the professor from his chemistry lab class had asked him for a meeting, and Leo assumed he wanted to discuss what had happened on the exam day. Wishing that he could just ignore that said message, he turned his attention back to his girlfriend.

“Just uni issues… nothing more severe this time,” Leo replied half jokingly. The holidays had given him some perspective on what really was important to him and failing a class didn’t feel quite as big an issue anymore. It was inconvenient, yes, on a few levels, but not entirely unfixable.

“Oh?” Calypso finally let her hands slide off of him and sat down next to him. She seemed a bit relieved that this was about the university and not something that was out of her reach, and if Leo was honest, he couldn’t blame her. “What kind of issues?”

“A professor wants to meet me face to face tomorrow. Probably to talk about my recent chemistry lab test or something like that.” He shrugged nonchalantly.

“Hmm… Isn’t it quite unusual for them to give special focus to a single student at this stage?” Calypso asked.

“Apparently they still do that in my department. Who knows, maybe they think I’ve caused them enough trouble by now and want me to quit.”

“But what happened in your lab test was not your fault. Do you think you are any closer to being able to finish it in case you get another chance?”

When Calypso was looking at him with those almost chocolate brown eyes, he felt that it wasn’t impossible.

“Some smart person once said that I need to believe in myself more, so that’s what I need to learn to do. After that… it might be possible.”

“I’m glad you’re listening to me at least sometimes.” Calypso gave him a lopsided smile. “The fact that you know what you should do means that you’re already on your way there.”

“Yeah. I guess so.” Wanting to talk about something else, Leo asked: “Well, what about you? How are you feeling about the upcoming semester?”

“I’m feeling… pretty good about it, you know? Sure, I’ve been reading our course plans and it sounds like our professors are planning to make us work like every day is an exam day and we have some group assignments and important presentations coming up, but… I really like learning? And I like listening to the conversations between our professors and my fellow students during our lectures because it’s something I never got to do when I was stuck at home… I feel like I get new points of views from them all the time. And Annabeth is a really big help; she knows everything about everything so if I ever feel like I can’t follow the lectures, she can always clarify them to me.”

“I have a hard time imagining you not being able to keep up with the professors… but yeah, it’s good you can ask for her help if needed.”

Calypso nodded.

“You know, I’m glad you two got your issues sorted out in the fall,” Leo added as an afterthought.

Calypso looked up at him with a slight frown as if she had completely forgotten about what exactly had happened in the fall. “Oh, right, that. I feel like it was just one big misunderstanding. Both of us realized that we can’t get stuck on something that happened so long ago.”

Leo couldn’t deny that he had also felt a bit jealous of Percy when he had first found out about his and Calypso’s past, but she had clearly moved on, so he wasn’t holding a grudge anymore either. Calypso had decided to date him, and that’s what mattered.

“Yeah, I know from my personal experiences that ain’t worth it,” he replied.

Calypso leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed.

“I have a… maybe a bit weird question. Do you believe in some kind of greater power? You know, like gods?”

Leo wondered why she would ask that. “I dunno. Maybe. I’m not really strongly for or against that. I think I’m the kind of person who needs to see it to believe it, but I don’t think it’s impossible. But why do you ask?”

“This will sound extremely cheesy but sometimes I wonder… if there was a reason why we two met. Like some greater power that pushed us together for some reason.”

“Wow. I don’t know if any greater powers had their fingers in that but I am glad that it happened.” Leo threw his arm around her shoulder and wondered briefly why it felt like such a natural thing to do. At one point he had been too intimidated to initiate any kind of physical contact but now that they were more open with each other and she had seen him in some of his worse moments – he didn’t mind anymore.

“Yeah. Me too.” Calypso whispered.

Only the buzzing of the fridge and some other kitchen machinery could be heard on the background while the flatmates were simply enjoying each other’s company, resting their heads against each other, but eventually Calypso suggested:

“Hey... I think I need something that will allow me to disconnect a bit, so… how about some Friends?”

Leo didn’t have anything against that suggestion. In fact, he always enjoyed the TV show or movie nights with Calypso, for various reasons. “Sure. That sounds great to me. You know I’m always ready to roast my homeboy Chandler.”

“I know you are.” Calypso nudged him and took the remote control to find the right episode. As they started watching and commenting on it (he always enjoyed how snarky Calypso’s comments could be), Leo almost forgot about the upcoming meeting with the professor.

…

The next day, Leo found himself in the building where the office of his lab professor was located. At the breakfast table he had practiced the meeting with Calypso, and Jason had also joined him a bit later to wish him luck. To Leo’s relief, he did seem a lot happier than when he had seen him before the holiday break, but he still didn’t talk a whole lot about his current situation. Leo himself decided that it was better if he didn’t guide his friends too much so instead he did a quick recap on the recent developments in his own life – without mentioning his new relationship status. Luckily Jason didn’t ask, as he seemed to be more worried about Leo’s upcoming meeting.

As he was waiting for the professor to arrive, Leo kept glancing at his clock nervously. The man was already a few minutes late. While Leo knew that wasn’t anything unusual in the university world, as the professors tended to be busy, he still kept wishing he could get the meeting over with as soon as possible. His leg started bouncing again on its own and his fingers were tapping against the wooden handle of the chair. Suddenly he didn’t feel quite as sure about what he was going to tell the professor as he had felt earlier.

Finally, he was pulled from his thoughts by a loud ‘ahem’.

“Mr. Valdez? Sorry I’m late, my meeting with a couple of coworkers got a bit long,” the professor said.

“That’s… that’s fine,” Leo stuttered. Some months ago he would probably have said something snarky as a response but right now he knew better than to take any risks.

“Go in, go in, so we can have a talk,” the professor encouraged. Unwillingly, Leo followed him into his office and had to be told to sit down before he even realized that there was a comfortable looking arm chair right next to him.

“So…” the professor started once he was seated behind his desk. “You probably know why I invited you here.”

“I… I do have an idea…” Leo said hesitantly, looking everywhere in the room except the professor. The man had a lot of engineering related books in his bookshelf, a big stack of papers - probably students’ assignments - and a fancy looking calculator on his desk. Behind him on the wall there was a single photograph of his family. Pretty much exactly how Leo had imagined the said professor’s room looking.

“I will be direct with you. Your achievements in the lab classes - or lack thereof - is a cause of confusion for us. In almost all of the theory related classes, you are on the top of the class – despite the occasional reports that your behavior towards the lecturers could use some improvement.” The man raised his eyebrow, but Leo thought he could see a glint of amusement in his eyes. That didn’t last long, though. “However, until now we have been willing to overlook that because of your talents. Maths, physics, chemistry… those things you clearly don’t have any issues with. But already for the second year you have been avoiding the lab classes for which you have been signed up and last fall you even left the chemistry lab test before you managed to get it completed. I’m sure you are aware that if you want to move onto the more advanced classes, you need to complete the mandatory ones before you are allowed to do that.”

“Yes, sir, I’m aware of that,” Leo replied stiffly, wondering briefly when was the last time he had called anyone sir, other than ironically.

“In that case…” His voice turned less formal, more fatherly as he continued, which surprised Leo. The professors he was used to dealing with were usually not all too nice to him, although he was willing to admit that some of it was probably deserved. “Can I ask you, is there a specific reason why you haven’t attended the lab classes?”

Leo wondered if he should come up with a quick lie. It wouldn’t be the first time in his life that he would have to do that in order to protect himself. However, the professor really seemed sincere and concerned about him and in a way his expression reminded him of Jo’s when she was expecting him to open up. Perhaps that’s why he ended up deciding to answer honestly:

“Yes. There is.”

“And? What is the reason?” The professor raised his eyebrow.

Leo inhaled deeply before forming his response. “I’m afraid of fire. Yeah, laugh ahead, but it’s true. I can’t deal with anything that requires heating because of some nasty as hell childhood trauma.”

To his surprise, the professor didn’t get angry at him for talking to him in such a manner. Instead, he furrowed his eyebrows.

“And you’re still planning to make mechanical engineering your career? Despite your fear?”

Leo nodded slowly. “Yeah. Building and fixing inanimate objects is the only thing I’ve ever known how to do. I was basically born with a hammer and a wrench in my hands and I was capable of building toys for myself when I was like four. After an accident…” He refrained from mentioning his mother because he couldn’t guarantee he would be able to stay calm if he brought that up. “… I haven’t been able to light up a match or anything like that. But almost five years ago, two awesome women adopted me and one of them is a mechanic. She reminded me what I really love about tinkering and it was then that I decided that I wanna keep trying. It’s a process but I am working on it.”

The professor smiled a little. “You know… a lot of our students were unable to take the chemistry lab course in the fall, so we decided to organize another course now in the spring. As it happens, there’s still some room for new people in it. So, if you’re interested, you’re welcome. But remember, you would need to attend all the mandatory classes and complete the tasks that you are assigned, no exceptions. That means we will not be going easy on you just because of your fear.”

Leo’s eyes widened with surprise. He hadn’t expected to get a chance like that.

“Woah, thanks sir! I won’t let you down!”

“That’s good to hear,” the professor nodded approvingly. “Can I ask you a question, though? Why do you want to become a mechanical engineer? I mean, what exactly is it that fascinates you about it, other than the influences you have gotten at your home?”

Leo imagined that the professor could probably see the bolts and nuts moving in his brain as he formed his answer. “I… I wanna learn to develop products that will help us make the world a safer, more sustainable place for us. We engineers, if anyone, can develop technology that will help us achieve that goal. But that’s not all. I also wanna learn more so I can help to share the information forward. I wanna show kids who come from similar backgrounds as I that they should keep on dreaming. There was a time when my mom ate porridge - only porridge - for her meals so she could pay the rent when her business was slow, but she still kept doing it. Because that’s how much she cared about her job. And I want to continue in her footsteps.”

The professor shifted on his seat. “That is an admirable goal, Mr. Valdez. I hope you will succeed. Remember, you do have the skill – you just need to know how to use it.”

“Yeah… Thanks professor.”

“No problem. Don’t forget the class enrollments end tonight so you need to be fast if you want to participate. That’s all for now. Good luck in your future endeavors.”

“Thanks. I’ll go enroll myself then. Bye for now.”

“See you, Mr. Valdez.”

Leo breathed a long sigh of relief the moment he stepped out of the professor’s office. The meeting had gone way better than he had dared to expect. He hadn’t thought he would get another chance so fast, but was grateful for the opportunity. Now, he would only need to kick his fears into the deepest pits of Tartarus, as Calypso would say.