#sorry this is egregiously offensive at this point. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

irithnova · 1 year ago

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1) I find it upsetting that plum (and others in the reblogs with similar opinions) had to put that many disclaimers in their post in order to avoid mass hate because of the sheer amount of backlash I faced

2) I find it insane that the topic of racebending needs to be talked about in an almost academic level for people to realise that being critical of racebending isn't a personal attack on poc creators

3) "You deserved the backlash because your tone was harsh" refer to point 2. Also I have a right to have an opinion on the subject matter as a poc who has non white/western ocs and pretty much exclusively posts about non white/western characters just like how everyone else in the fandom is allowed to have an opinion on it and no amount of tone policing or victim blaming excuses the amount of racist anons I got and anons who continued to misconstrue what I was saying despite me clarifying myself in my reblogs that I was not trying to attack poc or stifle their creative choices, my OG post was a broader criticism of racebending content.

4) What I find shocking is the fact that I got pretty vicious backlash from other poc over a fucking one liner "people would rather racebend" and then for my subsequent reblogs which were were seen as an attempt as policing other minorities when I was literally... Giving my perspective on why I don't like racebending. As soon as someone has an opinion you don't like, it's now policing?

5) Jumping off from point (4) but POC are often vilified for lesser offenses compared to white people and I'm sorry but this is the perfect example. How come I know of around 15 white hetalians who do and say some pretty egregious shit (like posting fucking borderline Nazi uniform fanart) yet where is their inbox flooded with the absolute worst messages? Where are the shady posts about them? When's the last time you guys sat around in a pissed off circle-jerk about half of the shit they do?

Circling back to the point of white vs mixed vs poc Alfred (because a vast majority of my hate was from poc Alfred fans). I've literally seen bigger, white hetalia accounts share why they personally see Alfred as white and they did not receive an OUNCE of the vitriol that I received for my like. 2/3 sentence paragraph saying basically "forgive me for not liking poc Alfred personally as a Filipino because of the history."

I'm not saying you have to agree with me at all because surprise, dictating poc was never my intention. But the reactions are very telling. Do you not see how insane that is.

Funny how my detractors are accusing me of of trying to control their creative choices and dictate them, yet they're attempting to dictate me by straight up saying I'm basically/functionally white, therefore I'm not allowed to have an opinion on... Poc Alfred.

I said this in a previous post but if I wanted to dictate you all. I would have posted in relevant tags (like #aphamerica) so potential racebending fans were more likely see it. I would have gone after posts where characters are racebent or call people out by name. I would have sent butthurt asks/anons to racebending fans.

This was literally my first ever post regarding my personal opinions on racebending.

I think it's. funny. To say the least seeing some of the types of people saying that my behaviour is unacceptable considering I know full well of their conduct in private (some of these people I know for a fact have been complicit in racism) I am not taking any criticism from the likes of these people and the people nodding their heads in agreement with them.

I am also not taking any shit/bullying from white Americans when it comes to my personal discomfort with poc Alfred as a Filipino woman. For obvious reasons.

One last thing. I'll just put the screenshot of the post here

+ Some of you need to grasp the distinction between personal opinion and an attempt at dictation. Someone shouldn't need to repeat "personally" or any variant of that excessively to avoid dictator accusations.

RACEBENDING NATIONAL PERSONIFICATIONS: A TREATISE

DISCLAIMERS:

I AM NOT WHITE, I AM A POC. I am not writing this because I’m a butthurt white person who gets pissy when someone makes my white faves nonwhite and thus unrelatable to me for ‘some’ reason.

I AM NOT PERSONALLY ATTACKING ANY INDIVIDUALS WHO RACEBEND OR IMAGINE THEIR NATIONS TO HAVE A DIFFERENT ETHNICITY THAN WHAT THEY DO IN CANON; ON A SIMILAR NOTE, DO NOT ATTACK SUCH INDIVIDUALS FOR ME. This is a discussion of general fandom trends and a larger phenomenon, the issue I am talking about cannot be solved on an individual to individual basis.

I AM NOT TRYING TO STOP FIRST NATIONS PEOPLE FROM RECLAIMING THEIR NATIONS. As I am not First Nations myself, I would not wish to deny what these individuals emotionally and mentally reap from reclaiming their nations.

I AM NOT THE “POC AREN’T ALLOWED TO HAVE FUN AND SEE THEMSELVES IN THEIR FAVES” POLICE; I AM NOT YOUR MOM, DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. Again, this is a discussion of fandom trends and a larger phenomenon. I think it’s almost always worth examining why we do the things we do and the reasons behind a trend.

I AM NOT AGAINST RACEBENDING IN GENERAL. This is specifically an essay on racebending in nationverse Hetalia and other personified nations fandoms.

PREFACE

As stated before in my disclaimers, this essay is not intended to be a condemnation of individuals who participate in racebending. Rather, I intend to make a macro-critique of wider structures and patterns. For this reason, this essay is not accusing anyone engaging in racebending of holding any specific belief. I cannot stress enough how much I do not know you, the hypothetical reader who engages in racebending.

Again, my intent is to critique wider structures and patterns.

This essay is a conversation I would like to have with other POC and other marginalized groups, especially POC based in white, Western countries. Thus, I ask people not included in the above groups to refrain from weighing in on this.

ALTERNATIVE GOOGLE DOC LINK HERE

TABLE OF CONTENTS

The Difference in Reception for Racebent versus Non-Racebent Characters

The Inherent Politicism of Personifying Nations

The State of POC Representation in Hetalia

The Assumption of Interchangeability in POC Experience

The Myth of Multiculturalism

“It’s Just Fandom, Why Are You Trying to Control POC Who Just Want to Have Fun and Want to Represent Themselves?"

Conclusion

The Difference in Reception for Racebent versus Non-Racebent Characters

I will start this essay off with an acknowledgement of my station in the Hetalia fandom and how it uniquely equips me to talk about this topic – I am very fortunate to enjoy a follower base that primarily follows me for non-Western characters, whether they be canonical or my own original characters. As someone who mostly posts non-Western characters, I can confirm that there is a wider disparity in reception between drawings of my white characters and non-white characters. The following example is not from myself, but from the artist miyuecakes who similarly focuses on predominantly non-white, non-Western countries. You can see there is a drastic gap in the amount of notes that post focused on five nations considered to be non-Western versus a drawing of Female America.

Stating this fact of the fandom is fairly noncontroversial. I would also assert that the following statement is equally true, however given recent reception, is far more controversial: “There are far more instances of racebent canonically white/Western characters, which receive far more traction than their non-racebent counterparts, whether canonical or not.”

I want to make clear what my statement is not saying:

Racebending is only done by white people seeking to score clout and diversity points without having to care about canon non-white characters. In fact, the vast majority of racebending in the fandom is done by POC looking for representation; given the amount of white canon nations compared to any other nation, POC who engage in racebending see it as a way of “evening” the disproportionate overrepresentation of white countries.

POC who engage in racebending are doing so to score clout and diversity points with a white audience. Refer to my above point.

Racebent canonically white characters are met with no controversy or racist/bigoted vitriol. It is fairly well known that there have been multiple harassment campaigns, particularly on Twitter, against artists and editors who’ve engaged in racebending even outside of the Hetalia fandom: see the Black Anya edit, Thumin’s artwork and resulting hate. POC being visibly POC in online spaces will always garner backlash.

On a similar note, I am not including POC cosplayers cosplaying white or light-skinned characters in my definition of racebending. Being angered by POC who cosplay characters of a different complexion is blatantly racist; anyone who is angered by this has nothing of value to add and not worth arguing with.

I am a bitter artist who is mad that I don’t receive enough notes on my posts with non-racebent characters compared to posts about racebent white characters. As stated earlier, I am grateful for the audience I’ve cultivated who specifically follow me for non-racebent non-Western content; I am also more than aware that my content is not what people who seek out racebent content are looking for, and have no interest in changing either my content or their tastes. The last thing I would wish to do is to label POC creators who engage in racebending as “the enemy” and POC creators who don’t as “my side.”

With that out of the way, I bring up this observation because I think it’s worth asking ourselves, POC specifically, the following questions: Why? Why is there this discrepancy in frequency and reception between these kinds of characters and content? Why do people racebend in lieu of focusing on existing POC and creating their own non-white characters?

The easy answer most would give is because white characters are over-represented and given more screen time and attention in the canon, so people, especially POC, will become attached to them and create variations of them that hit closer to home for them; this is especially the case if you are a POC who has had experiences living as a minority in a Western country. Some POC may also use racebending as a way to subvert national myths that have historically excluded people of color for a variety of racist, imperialist reasons. I know I used to subscribe towards a depiction of non-white passing America and Canada for this very reason.

In the rest of this essay I would like to examine and critique the practice of racebending national anthropomorphisms traditionally and typically depicted as white in the context of Hetalia and by extension other media involving similar premises. This essay argues that while racebending may be harmless for most other anime, Hetalia – by virtue of its content centering real life nations – carries political implications that are not necessarily appropriate.

I stress again that I can’t stop you or what anybody in the Hetalia fandom does. I do not have that kind of power nor the will to do such a thing. All I ask is for you to listen to the following with an open mind, and if there’s only one thing you take away from this, I hope it’s to realize that POC in particular have valid reasons to dislike racebent depictions of white nations; holding such a stance does not make them anti-POC representation and somehow no longer POC and instead, a member of the white oppressor class.

The Inherent Politicism of Personifying Nations

Firstly, I repeat that a series about personified nations is deeply political and every creative choice carries political and socio-cultural ramifications, whether intentional or not and made by the creator or the fan. Even if you mostly interact with Hetalia in a depoliticized context, others may not, and given that nationverse Hetalia is about personified nations, this is perfectly reasonable.

Let us look into the canon material of Hetalia- It is shown that nations on average have close ties to their governments, viewing them as their bosses and carrying out actions for them. We are shown that there are nations who go against the orders of their governments, such as Germany; this does not mean all nations follow in that pattern, however, and there are many who are in lockstep with their governments and their actions.

Therefore, for individuals whose ethnic groups and nations have suffered great harm from oppressor nation-states (Philippines v. United States, Indonesia v. Netherlands, India v. England), it is not irrational for them to be unsettled by their oppressor being racebent- especially when said oppressor nation-state is depicted as being the same ethnicity as the very group(s) they marginalized. This is uncomfortable for multiple reasons:

There is an implication that a member of a marginalized group possibly chose to take part in atrocities and misdeeds that the said marginalized group historically not the major perpetrator behind. In more egregious cases, a member of a marginalized group willingly chose to commit atrocities and misdeeds on a large scale against their own group.

The oppressor state personification was forced by their government to commit these grievous acts of harm against members of other marginalized groups/their own marginalized groups; thus, the personification of the nation-state, the people, has little to no culpability as an oppressor, and is instead made into a fellow victim of their own government.

This deflects blame from the embodiment of the state of being an oppressor. The suggestion here is that the state is somehow completely separate yet intertwined with the government – it was simply the government who perpetrated the crimes… the people were just unwillingly complicit. This can come across as an erasure/rosewashing of the very purposeful policies used to harm and disadvantage colonized/oppressed groups.

This can also erase the fact that in many cases, the people gave the government’s actions their tacit approval whether it was through whole-hearted enthusiasm or apathy towards the suffering of others.

In the case that the racebent nation’s minority ethnicity was historically involved in such acts, this involves highly sensitive conversations about minorities’ complicity in crimes and assimilation into the white/majority order (e.g. Chinese and East Asian settlers in Hawaii after America’s illegal annexation, Korean collaborators with the Japanese annexation of Korea, African American soldiers in the Philippines); these are extremely touchy subjects that should be had within the relevant ethnic groups, and should not be appropriated by outsiders, particularly white people, especially for fandom purposes.

(I will discuss insiders racebending nation-states to their ethnic group that have suffered mistreatment and oppressed by said nation-states in “The Myth of Multiculturalism.”)

Additionally, racebending may end up justifying those very same crimes, especially in the case of settler colonialism. For example, during French rule of Algeria, the French government began a program of confiscating Algerian land from indigenous Algerians and giving them to French and European settlers. Over the course of two centuries, more and more land was taken away from indigenous Algerians, forcing them to move to the margins of society, where they were barred from accessing employment, higher education, and the other societal amenities.

Many would be able to identify how personifying Algeria as a white, French individual would be erasing indigenous Algerians and implying that the French settlers represent all of Algeria. However, conversely, making France an Algerian man is also playing into colonial French propaganda. The French viewed Algeria as part of France and the French homeland itself, unique even among other French African colonies, and made plans to make Algeria a full-fledged French province, or department. To make the national personification of France Algerian then, is to suggest that this belief was and is correct, that the Algerians are a part of the colonial core of France, even if the intention is to represent the modern day Algerian diaspora in France.

IMPORTANT: I will expand on the politics of representing diaspora populations in the section “The Myth of Multiculturalism.”

Given all of these reasons for why POC may justifiably react negatively to a racebent white nation personification, some may argue against these with:

“Why is it that when the nation is white, they never have to deal with any of these heavy discussions of imperialism, bigotry, oppression, etc, but when they’re racebent they suddenly have to? Why are they suddenly politicized when they’re racebent?”

My response to that is that they were politicized, even when they were white because the act of personifying a nation is inherently political; to ignore a white nation’s history of oppression is a politically charged move in of itself. Are we really depoliticizing POC when we racebend a white nation and try to maintain that same ‘depoliticization’ and omission of historical oppression but this time for a POC face? To racebend a white nation is to refuse to contend with the contradiction of transforming an oppressor class to the very group they marginalize - making racebending an inherently political act. It is not necessarily that whiteness is unpolitical but rather that an active refusal to deal with this contradiction makes the political implications much more obvious.

Additionally, this rebuttal raises another question- Were we to completely forget about a character’s background as the personification of an oppressor state and the political weight of that, would that truly solve the problem of POC being politicized? I don’t think so- In the current world we live in, POC are always political. But exclusively racebending oppressor states makes no attempt to depoliticize non-Western POC states, creating a divide between POC that get to be “depoliticized” and POC who don’t based on their proximity to the West.

The State of POC Representation in Hetalia

Some would argue with the points of my last paragraph saying that I am not including POC who both engage in racebending but also create non-Western POC OCs; if equal attention is given to both, there would be no division between racebent Western POC who get to be humanized and non-Western POC who don’t, right?

To answer this we must acknowledge wider trends in racebending in Hetalia. Consider the following: When somebody has a North African! Romano, how many other North African nations (canon or non-canon) do they show appreciation for? Create content for? Expound the same amount of mental and creative energy for? Furthermore: If they do have another North African nation(s) they create content for, are they allowed to exist as their own separate beings, and not purely exist to be North African! Romano’s tie to North Africa?

Chances are, Romano is reduced to being the token brown character in a largely white cast and isn’t allowed to ever exist without whiteness surrounding him. This is a very diaspora experience, but I find it unfortunate that in a piece of media that enables us to explore any number of cultures and experiences over all of time and history, we (and I’m including myself as another POC who grew up in a primarily white environment) are unable to imagine ourselves outside of this setting and celebrate ourselves without having to exist against a white mainstream. Stories about white engulfment are allowed to exist and should be told, but why is this so common? Why do these stories disproportionately outnumber POC stories where whiteness is minute or absent?

As my audience is intended to be mostly POC, I will not elaborate on the following scenario too much, but I will ask us to scrutinize the ethics of it. What about cases where white individuals racebend some of their white favorite characters and position them as POC representation in lieu of actually focusing on POC, non-Western nations, canon or not? Does this not have implications about what kinds of POC and diversity are considered more palatable and appealing?

Furthermore, when another North African nation does exist alongside racebent Romano, their character and depiction is almost always heavily dependent on their relationship to Romano, a Western nation. This still perpetuates the same inequality I was talking about earlier where POC nations are humanized based on their proximity to the West, whether because they personify a Western nation or happen to have a relationship with a Western nation.

We should not just be talking about having “more” non-white representation, but also the quality of it. It is completely understandable why some POC may not be satisfied with the representation most racebent content provides, even beyond the reasons outlined previously; this type of representation excludes POC who do not have a relationship to the West, and is still largely focused on the West.

IMPORTANT: I am not saying that contact with or influence from the West makes POC somehow “less POC” or that stories from Western-based diaspora are a “diluted” form of representation. I will expand on this in the section “The Myth of Multiculturalism.”

“Well if it’s not good enough for those POC, then they should just mind their business and make their own representation! There’s plenty of non-racebent content out there!”

Many POC do exactly that- creating their own representation without racebending. However, as established earlier, racebent white characters receive far more attention and feedback compared to canonical non-white characters, despite the fact that both depictions fulfill the purpose of “representation.” This can be especially disheartening in a fandom that already heavily tokenizes canon POC nations, whether it’s India being presented as the “nanny”/surrogate parent in Commonwealth group art or Seychelles as the “adopted child of color” in FACES family. To POC content creators, it feels insulting that the wider fandom, rather than developing POC canon characters (or taking advantage of the source material’s potential by making OCs) and viewing them as representation, the fandom chooses to racebend Western nations and celebrates them instead.

I want to make clear again what I am not saying with that statement:

POC who engage in racebending are doing so to score clout and diversity points with a white audience. Again, it’s a fact that the vast majority of racebending is done by POC looking to create their own representation.

POC who engage in racebending should all go stan Seychelles and Cuba instead. This is an extremely individualist solution to what is a wider phenomenon. I do not blame POC based in Western countries for feeling disconnected to the few POC nations we have in canon.

Racebent POC content is more popular than content of non-racebent white characters.

What I am describing here is how an audience (the Hetalia fandom) receives two creations, both made by POC in the pursuit of creating more representation, and the difference in reception. The difference, it seems, is that the wider fandom deems certain kinds of POC representation more appealing, and thus, certain kinds of POC worth focusing on.

The Assumption of Interchangeability in POC Experience

Earlier, I mentioned that one of the possible reasons for POC to engage in racebending is the desire to see an iteration of their favorite character that is closer to their own reality and lived experience. Therefore, some may choose to racebend a white character to embody a marginalized minority in the country instead so they can share more experiences with the formerly white characters.

Here, I will not be dealing with the practice of POC racebending their own country to their own ethnicity, which is the focus of the next section. Instead, I will be delving into the practice of POC racebending another nation to embody a minority (one which they do not belong to) for the purposes of ‘putting themselves in their interpretations.’ I argue that to do this requires assuming a certain level of interchangeability between POC experiences.

First and foremost, POC are not a monolith- we lead drastically different lives depending on our ethnic backgrounds, where we live, our socioeconomic class, our political and racial context, and etc. Therefore, we cannot presume that our experiences of marginalization mean we’ll always succeed in properly representing other minority groups elsewhere; in fact, the goal of projecting our own life experiences onto them means that there will be an obstacle to properly representing these minority groups.

Take the following example: Imagine a Chinese-Malaysian individual greatly enjoys the character of Spain. Wishing to better relate to him, the individual racebends him to be also Chinese. However, a great deal of historical, cultural determinants and nuances separate the experiences of Chinese people in Spain and Chinese people in Malaysia. There are similarities, yes, but this Chinese Malaysian cannot hope to properly represent the Chinese population in Spain if their primary goal remains self-projection. Now imagine that our Chinese-Malaysian individual wished to racebend England to be Indian; an even wider gap separates the experiences and history of Chinese people in Malaysia and Indian people in England, making it even less likely that our individual will succeed in representing the experiences of Indian people in England.

Another point to consider is that attempts at racebending certain national personifications to represent minorities in the country end up erasing representation for the majority population of the country. For example, there has been a historical Japanese community in Peru that dates back to the 1800s and made a large impact on Peruvian culture. However, it would still be inappropriate to make a Peru OC that is mostly Japanese in race, because besides just being not representative of the 99.9% of non-Japanese Peruvians, it would also be taking representation from Peruvian mestizo and indigenous peoples, who make up over 80% of Peru’s population.

This isn’t even taking into consideration cases where nations are racebent to personify ethnic groups that do not have a numerically significant or historically significant population.

“So what if it’s inaccurate? I just want to self-project onto my favorite character!”

If that’s your response, then I encourage you to read the section “It’s Just Fandom, Why Are You Trying to Control POC Who Just Want to Have Fun and Want to Represent Themselves?” where I address assertions of "fandom is not activism" and similar points.

For now, I will ask you to consider the feelings of those very minorities you are ostensibly representing, even if your primary intention is to project your own experiences onto a character. Chances are, they also suffer from little to no representation that depicts them in inaccurate and unflattering ways.

Hetalia is a media property supposedly centered around exploring and learning about other cultures, but so often fails to accurately and sensitively depict many cultures and nations. Should we not show them the grace that canon Hetalia fails to provide?

The Myth of Multiculturalism

Multiculturalism is typically defined as a celebration of a nation’s ethnic diversity. This is generally considered to be a good and progressive value to have, but a closer and more critical look at multiculturalism in practice suggests that not even a value directed at xenophobia is immune to in-group out-group biases. When enacted by the state, multiculturalism is less an acceptance of diversity as it currently exists (especially in regards to non-indigenous ethnicities) and more an assimilation of these “foreign cultures” into the dominant national one.

For example, Singapore has built much of its national identity as a “multicultural” society. This is shown through government policies in language and education, where the languages of the 3 ethnic groups (Chinese, Tamil Indians, Malays) are all officialized and the government promotes education for ethnic minorities in their mother tongues. However, the label of “multicultural” hides the reality of power inequality between the various ethnic groups. Minorities face pressure to display literacy in the language and culture of the Chinese majority for greater societal acceptance and inclusion. In fact, the assertion that Singapore is a multicultural society that treats its ethnic groups all equally, is often used as a cudgel to shut down any allegations that Singapore fails to live up to this national identity. As my audience is intended to be predominantly POC, especially those living as minorities in Western nations, members of my audience are of course familiar with insistences of “But Canada/United States/etc is a melting pot society! Racism isn’t a serious issue, POC can’t be treated poorly in those countries.”

By racebending a national personification to be part of a marginalized population, this is making a political statement by asserting that the marginalized population is in fact a part of that nation, and has always been, despite historical exclusion. The act of racebending is an overly idealistic and uncritical agreement with multiculturalism, without considering how the value actually applies in practice. It rosewashes the reality and existence of cultural imperialism enacted on immigrant/outsider groups.

Racebending can therefore accidentally act as multicultural propaganda, especially when the invokement of multiculturalism is used to stamp out valid critiques of othering and racialization by ethnic minorities. (E.g. “Singapore can’t have problems with racism against Malays! Singapore himself is Malay!”)

IMPORTANT: If you want to argue that nation personifications are not inherently representative of their government, refer to the section, “The Inherent Politicism of Personifying Nations.”

“Well, POC based in Western countries will naturally feel more connected to their Western countries than their homelands, often because of those policies intended to break their connections to their homelands. Why can’t they racebend to reclaim? To feel connected to their Western countries in contrast to their realities of ostracization and othering?”

I have already discussed why other POC (those affected by a white regime’s actions) would be uncomfortable with the implications of tying a POC/marginalized group with said white regime’s misdeeds in the section “The Inherent Politicism of Personifying Nations” so I will not discuss it here beyond mentioning it.

Firstly, I must acknowledge that this argument is fundamentally an emotional one. I do not want to deny what POC in Western countries emotionally derive from racebending the nation-state, even as a fellow POC based in a Western country. Instead, I will approach this argument from another angle.

I ask the following: When trying to represent our experiences as diaspora and minorities, why is personifying a diaspora/minority community not a popular option? The act of choosing to personify a community is inherently political, and we can use it to empower ourselves as diaspora or minorities. For example, by personifying diaspora communities, we can acknowledge that diaspora experiences are different enough from those in the ‘homeland’ to warrant another personification, and also avoid accidentally justifying colonial possession of those ‘homeland’ states.

Additionally, by personifying diaspora/minority communities, we can 1) better reflect our unique day-to-day experiences of being racialized and separated from the mainstream, 2) avoid many of the earlier uncomfortable implications of minority collaboration in majority perpetrated acts and condoning colonialism, and 3) stress our independence and autonomy despite the efforts of the state and majority population to take that away.

To put it another way, why are there so many stories of minorities striving towards being included, or from another angle, subsumed, into the white nation-state despite its frequent rejection of them? Again, what does it say that these narratives of “inclusion into a historically white nation-state” disproportionately outnumber POC narratives where whiteness is minute or absent?

IMPORTANT: I am not singling you, the hypothetical POC diaspora individual who engages in racebending, out. I am asking about wider patterns of representation in media.

“But by personifying diaspora and minority communities separately from the personification of the nation-state, isn’t that basically saying that minorities will never be seen as part of the nation-state? That we will never be included when people think of our nation state?”

I believe this response takes too narrow a perspective on what multiculturalism is and “being part of a nation-state means,” and thus views having separate personifications as ‘justifying’ or ‘promoting’ our exclusion from the nation-state when it may not be the case.

Look at it from this way- Is it not also problematic to have only one avatar for, say, America, and thus imply that there is one true way of being “American?” Having multiple American personifications, in contrast, is a more true depiction of the realities of being American, and more true to the values of multiculturalism; it instead suggests that there are many ways to be American, that we don’t have to be subsumed into the mainstream to be considered “American.”

“Isn’t that functionally the same as different interpretations of the same nation-state coexisting? Why can’t fans just all have a different Alfred/America specific to their own experience who are all equally considered American?”

Once more: I am not trying to stop anyone from doing anything. That’s not within my power to do so. I agree with this statement that largely, having multiple American personifications and multiple America/Alfred fulfills the same purpose of showing that to be American means something different to everyone. However, the reason I advocated for the former approach is because it achieves the same goal with a lot less uncomfortable questions and unique benefits (minority autonomy), as detailed above.

“It’s Just Fandom, Why Are You Trying to Control POC Who Just Want to Have Fun and Want to Represent Themselves?”

First off, I am presenting this essay as a conversation with other POC because I want to make it explicitly known that my position here is not that of a white person seeking to silence POC and lecture them about what is and is not good for them. Secondly, it's because I want to talk about racebending as it currently exists in the Hetalia fandom, something mostly done by POC who wish to represent themselves and create the diversity missing in the source material. I believe pointing out that white people who are uncomfortable with POC characters or only racebend for self-centered reasons likely have a racial bias is obvious, especially to other POC, and wish to progress the conversation beyond this. This is why my discussion on racebending is moving beyond white bias.

As part of centering this as a discussion among POC, I am also assuming good faith from my interlocutors, that their desires for representation and diversity are sincere, and that I don’t look down on them. I hope then, that this assumption of good faith can be afforded to me as well- that my interlocutors believe me when I say that the last thing I want to do is control POC, as a fellow POC.

Having gotten all of that out of the way, let's address some rebuttals to the arguments I've made thus far.

"Who are you to decide what kind of representation resonates with POC?"

You're right. I can't decide what kind of representation resonates with POC. Again, I am not intent on controlling POC, and again, I recognize that many of the arguments in favor of racebending white nations come from an emotional place; I can’t control how POC feel, even if I wanted to do that.

However, it's precisely because of this that I've made my arguments based on factors other than emotional ones, such as the political implications and questioning the inclusivity racebending provides us with. POC joy and happiness is crucial in the face of a system that seeks to crush and suppress us. But from one POC to another, it's not much of a discussion if your response to my points is simply, "Well, it makes me feel represented and happy, and that's what matters most." If we argued based on that, we could go all day. Am I not a POC myself? Do the feelings and happiness of POC who are uncomfortable with racebending not matter? For that matter, who are you to tell the people whose families and people have been historically affected by white imperialist states to stop disliking racebent versions of those imperialist states?

For white people, it is easy for them to shut down racebending, because they don't understand the experience of never seeing yourself in any form of media. I have asked white/non-marginalized people to refrain from this discussion for that very reason. But in exchange for that, we should be able to discuss the ramifications of racebending national personifications, and look deeper at the arguments for and against racebending.

"You're taking this too seriously. People giving more attention to racebent versions of Western countries versus non-racebent POC countries doesn't say anything deeper about someone's political beliefs. People just like the silly anime about personified countries, and that silly anime happens to give more attention to the canonically white countries."

To a certain extent, I get this rebuttal. We cannot solve racism or the privileging of the global north by reblogging Hetalia fanart of Seychelles and Cameroon. Everything I have described here is symptomatic of much, much larger issues that affect billions. But it's symptomatic: fandom is not immune to the ills of wider society. We do not shed our innate biases and prejudices when we enter supposedly apolitical spaces like fandom. In a series about personified nations, our prejudices and biases are naturally magnified because the source material’s nature is deeply political, dealing with history and personified nations and states.

Again I ask: What does it mean that the POC representation made by POCs is so often limited to racebending canonically white characters, in the context of the world order we live in where proximity to the West automatically confers certain privileges?

IMPORTANT: Refer to the section “The Myth of Multiculturalism” if you respond to this with “Are you saying depictions of Western-influenced POC experiences are a lesser form of representation?”

If that fails to convince you, and you still believe the inequality in reception between racebent and non-racebent nations doesn’t say anything deeper, I respond with the following- Isn’t it still worth it to try and show the same support and energy to the non-racebent, non-Western countries and their creators, regardless of whether that content speaks to you or not?

One last time, I’ll clarify what I’m not saying with that:

Stop liking America and Russia and England. I repeat, I cannot control what POC like or feel or do, and I repeat, what characters you personally like is a very individualistic view on a wider, systemic issue.

In the section “The State of POC Representation in Hetalia,” I discussed how disproportionately giving to racebent countries versus non-racebent non-Western countries is not an intersectional form of POC representation, and fails to address the underrepresentation of non-Western countries and cultures given the global colonial hierarchy. My above statement is therefore saying that if we POC want to achieve a more intersectional form of solidarity and representation, to create a fandom that’s more non-Western friendly, to generally support all types of POC creators, we should not neglect certain kinds of POC content just because it doesn’t personally resonate with us.

You don’t have to. Fandom is not activism. For many, fandom is an escape from the grim realities of the outside world. But in a media property all about exploring other countries’ cultures and histories, can we not strive for the spirit of the source material, and be a little more open-minded in exploring other countries and other forms of POC representation? Even in this miniscule way?

CONCLUSION

I would like to conclude this essay on the matter of irithnova, and the recent controversy she’s been embroiled in for stating many of the points I have made. Yes, our tones were different. But no amount of harsh tone warrants the outrage and rather racist backlash her post received. irithnova has been one of the most active voices in the Hetalia fandom speaking out against racism, from the exclusion of POC in j-ellyfish’s character polls to myrddin’s behavior. However, as soon as she, a Filipino, expresses personal discomfort with certain depictions of a nation that’s caused great harm to her people, other POC were the first to get mad at her for seeing the political implications of a POC personified America, to the point of trying to deny her reality as a feminized and racialized member of the diaspora living in a colonial European country and calling her functionally white.

POC solidarity doesn’t mean we have to all agree with each other, or even like every other POC. But I want to note the irony here of people committing the very act they accused irithnova of doing- telling her, a Filipino, that she wasn’t allowed to criticize racebent depictions of America, thereby trying to control POC.

If your response to this is “Well, sure irithnova didn’t deserve the harassment, but she was still wrong to criticize racebending because it wasn’t her place!” I would like to remind you of the following points:

Scroll up to the top and read this essay again. Regardless of tone used, there are valid reasons for POC to dislike and criticize depictions of racebent countries.

irithnova, as a Filipino living in the West and has Filipino relatives in the USA, is intimately aware of the nature of American imperialism and racism against POC. The United States promised to help the Philippines achieve independence but instead robbed it of its sovereignty, putting down resistance to its takeover and instituting American rule because they viewed Filipinos as “lesser” and incapable of governing themselves because of their race. If it isn’t irithnova’s place to feel uncomfortable (and thus criticize) racebent America, then whose is it?

Finally, I want to emphasize one more thing- First Nations/Indigenous individuals have a unique relationship to the colonial settler states that occupy their land. Like I’ve said so many times, I cannot tell any POC how to feel or what to do, and even more so in this case because I myself am not First Nations/Indigenous; I’ve only provided arguments about the pitfalls of racebending and the merits of other forms of representation. But just as how I cannot tell you what to feel or do, nobody can stop other POC feeling put off by a racebent America.

At the end of the day, despite the who-knows-how-many paragraphs I’ve spent articulating the reasons against racebending canonically white nations, I cannot stop anyone from racebending nations if they wish to. But I do hope readers come away with a better understanding of the flaws of racebending, and the benefits of looking away from the Western mainstream and looking elsewhere to represent our experiences as diaspora and minorities. If you’re someone who engages in racebending, but still chose to read this 6K word long essay on the Hetalia fandom, I can’t express my gratitude enough for hearing me out. Honestly, anybody who read through this entire post deserves an award- Thanks for reading 💖

#hetalia #Hetalia discourse

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exxo-potato · 4 years ago

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Forbidden Fruit

Relationship: Platonic to Romantic

Ship Type: Orc!Bodyguard (man) x Royal!Reader (gender neutral)

Time Period + Setting: Medievalist Fantasy

Chapter 1 (SFW)

You panted as you held the point of your sword to the orc’s neck. His piercing emerald eyes held your gaze, a subtle act of defiance despite his disadvantaged state. Orcs never truly backed down, but neither did royals like yourself who were martially trained--well, in your case, royals who were being martially trained. You had by no means acquired mastery of the art, and you knew that day was far off, but it seemed that you had finally bested your long-time opponent. Just as soon as a smug grin graced your features, it vanished. Your lips pursed in annoyance. The skirmish happened too fast, and you were easily able to overcome him. Of course, overcoming an orc in solo combat was never easy in the usual sense of the word. But you could not allow yourself to believe that your victory was hard-won.

Sighing heavily, you lowered your sword and slid the blade into its scabbard in one fluid motion. ��You let me win.”

“Ever the observant one.” Fauldush relaxed his posture and gave you a lopsided smile. As he did so, you took in his supple lips and asymmetrical tusks. The right tusk had been broken long before he was assigned to you as your primary bodyguard, but the left tusk was whole, roughly three inches high from his bottom lip, and adorned with three rings of various sizes. Two of the rings were copper, while one was silver. The copper rings were crude circles that were placed around the bottom and top of the tusk. The silver ring was of finer make than its companions and sat a short distance between them, so that each one was an equal distance apart from the other.

It seemed incredulous to believe that orcs were considered ugly and undesirable by the nobility. You knew that was why your mothers, the Sovereign Queens, assigned one to you as a personal guard. They felt that an illicit, reputation-ruining affair was one less thing to worry about. Not to mention, orcs were trained from childhood to be brilliant fighters and were raised in cultures that valued fierce loyalty. The queens must have felt that these traits made for the perfect protector. “You were never going to relent, Your Highness, and if the match had continued for much longer, you would have been late for your thaumaturgy lesson.”

“Need I remind you that you are my bodyguard and not my keeper, Fauldush?” You chided him gently as you removed your leather armor and handed it to him piece by piece. You wished that he would call you by your informal title and name instead of by your formal title, but he always insisted that anything less would be improper. “If I am late for a lesson that is taught by a stuffy old man who is as uninterested in teaching me as I am in learning from him, then only I am to blame.”

Fauldush walked with you as you made your way to your next session.“Archimago is a mage of high renown, Your Highness, and I am sure that he is honored to teach the future of the kingdom. His knowledge and skill in the mystical arts are unparalleled from here to the very edges of--.”

You cut him off. “I am already on my way to a lecture, Fauldush. I do not require an additional one.”

Fauldush cleared his throat and adjusted his grip on your leather armor. “Yes, of course. Forgive me.” He averted his gaze in concession. That was another thing you loathed. Everyone around you apologized if they thought that they had offended you even in the slightest. One noble went as far as to kneel on the floor and bend his head low in submission, and all he had done was slip on your long, trailing ceremonial cloak when you had suddenly slowed down in front of him. Most of the time, you took no offense to anything that anyone had said or done. And, in this case, you hated making Fauldush feel sorry for speaking his mind--something that you frequently encouraged--but he did not know Archimago like you did. Even so, he said nothing so egregious that he needed absolution for it.

You sighed under your breath. You sorely craved normal interactions with other people, but your royalty had robbed you of that. “You are forgiven.” The rest of the walk to Archimago’s study was silent.

#forbidden fruit #exo #exophilia #orc #my writing #my oc #monster boyfriend #monster lover #monster fucker #monster love #i might also write a version where the orc is a woman if people are interested #and yes for any tolkien nerds who noticed i did give my orc oc a black speech name but this universe has nothing to do with lotr #i just like leaving easter eggs here and there in my fantasy stories from different fandoms and such #also bonus bonus points if anyone has read knight of the red cross and knows who archimago is #this guy is not him but i stole the name >:3

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turneverybodyintopuppets · 4 years ago

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Hi. The following is my attempt to systematically hash out the “Mr. Infodump” controversy in the TS fandom. It’s primarily for my benefit, but I’m posting it on the off chance it helps someone else who’s just as confused/dismayed as I was. I’m not attempting to argue for blind absolution (”Thomas is an angel who can do no wrong!”) or cancellation (“He’s no better than the likes of J.K. Rowling!”), just to present as intellectually honest an assessment as I can make of what happened and the degree to which the TS team is responsible.

Laconic: Thomas Sanders, a content creator on youtube, posted a skit in which a character calls an aspie-coded character “Mr. Infodump”. Several fans have expressed hurt and anger over the use of a trait associated with neurodivergence as an insult.

My own initial impression: I’m on the autism spectrum myself, and personally, “Mr. Infodump” didn’t register as offensive to me; in fact, as a huge Logan kinnie, I liked that a neurodiverse trait I see in myself was being explicitly linked to my favorite character. That said, there are many in the community who feel deeply hurt and betrayed, and it would be a) irresponsible and b) close-minded to handwave their concerns. Thus:

[Abridged version: Bolded]

Context for use of the word:

Line from Roman: “I was going for regal sophistication [in last commercial pitch], but Mr. Infodump over here [*gestures to Logan*] wasn’t cooperating.” Defensive tone, alluding to the fact that Logan’s commercial pitch included excessive product information that would leave buyers disengaged.

History: Roman regularly invents nicknames for fellow sides and employs them in a manner that can range from fond teasing to a juvenile way of insulting the side he’s presently bickering with.

Names previously directed at Logan include “Calculator watch,” “Egghead,” and “No-Funsen Honeydew… Doo.” They generally play off of Logan’s tendency toward being uptight, stereotypically nerdy, and eager to furnish the group with information in the capacity of a teacher.

In this particular instance, I doubt anyone would say the word’s use was “malicious,” but it wasn’t “affectionate” either. Roman is visibly preoccupied and defensive in the scene, throwing out a nickname offhand.

Power Dynamic: There is no imbalance of power between Logan and Roman that would indicate anything resembling a bully-victim relationship. Logan responds to the word in the same manner he does Roman’s other antics and displays no particularly hurt reaction.

In-Universe Response: No character corrects or condemns Roman’s use of the term. This may, however, be because Logan is the first to respond, armed with his own complaints about the others’ commercials.

Meta-Level Implications: The audience is not encouraged to agree with Roman’s sentiment that infodumping is a negative trait anymore than they are his other commentary on Logan via nicknames like “Egghead,” because Logan’s role in the story consistently proves it wrong; all that infodumping saved an unconscious Roman from his murder-happy brother, for one, and the audience knows it. Given the posturing and defensiveness that accompany Roman’s delivery of the line, it’s clear the creators were communicating that he was in the wrong to say it. That, and Logan will almost certainly reinforce this by verbally decimating someone in the next episode, as per usual.

I think that last point is key. People will accuse others of infodumping in a negative way IRL—I know I’ve been called far worse for failing to mask—and to pretend that such things don’t exist in fiction is misrepresenting reality. Instead, creators can and should include minority characters (race, sexuality, gender, neuroatypicality, etc.) *confronting* discrimination, dealing with it complexly, and showing both the misguided character and the audience how wrong they are. Logan resonates with me—and other aspies, I think—largely because of how he clearly struggles in dealing with the other sides’ occasional criticism of his eccentricities, but he ultimately remains committed to his identity and ideals. If the TS crew continues to write a show that reinforces the fact that his neurodivergent qualities are what make him strong—and god knows there's not much media that does this well—, they’re doing something incredibly important for us.

The issue here, then, wasn’t the show promoting ableism as a message, because its handling of the conversation here doesn’t. Rather, it was the use of a term that many consider inherently ableist as an insult. So:

“Infodump” the word:

I find this fascinating, actually—Science is discovered. Math is discovered**. Language? Language is unequivocally invented. We’ve create these words with combinations of mouth-sounds, and we’ve assigned them meaning.

But the thing is, people have different backgrounds and experiences that define both who they are and the nuances of the meaning they tie to those mouth-sounds

Basic example of varied mental prototypes: I live in the northeast USA, so when I hear the word “bird,” the first thing that pops into my head is a bluejay or robin. If you ask my friend who’s studying in Brazil, though, he’d likely think of a macaw or toucan.

For me, “spring” = my mom’s pink zinnia garden and “chocolate” = a square of hershey melting against gooey marshmallow. This idea of memories and experience informing word-meaning mapping, of course, extends to a) more nuanced concepts and b) a more subconscious level of understanding. Poetry in particular, I think, tends to play with this to invoke the sensory experiences it does... I could infodump about translated poetry but that’s a whoooollleee other thing and I’m getting off track.

But essentially, an individual’s experience of any given word, to a degree, is subjective. Our dictionary definitions are merely approximations of a collective understanding of that mouthsound-to-meaning mapping, and we have to update those definitions as language evolves (remember when “Google” couldn’t be used as a verb?)

So, what happens if I look up “infodumping”? TVTropes tells me it’s a “type of exposition that’s particularly long and wordy”. UrbanDictionary says its “used to deposit large amounts (usually entire articles) of information in online forums without summarizing or paraphrasing the information.” I reach the resources that explain it in the context of autism and ADHD over halfway down the Google results. The word “infodumping” has quite a few circulating meanings, and the one associated with neurodivergence isn’t as visible as we’d like it to be.

From what I understand, Thomas Sanders and co. merely knew “infodumping” as the practice of talking at length about a subject, like closing a rant with a friendly “aw, sorry for infodumping on ya” and such. This was exactly how Logan opens his commercial, so they stuck it in as a—frankly, kinda feeble—nickname á la the creative genius behind “Mr. Smarty... Pants”. They had no knowledge of the term’s gravity to the autism and ADHD community, because they haven’t been exposed to settings that use that definition.

So, where does that leave us on accountability? If they’re ultimately not producing ableist content, do Thomas Sanders and his team have the responsibility to be aware of how an insult featuring this particular word might be inherently triggering to a community?

Many accounts show that the inclusion of the term caused real emotional harm and as content creators—particularly ones with a relatively young fanbase—the TS team should have taken more precautions. A more diverse staff/writing room may have caught this, given how egregious some fanders found the error. Furthermore, why shouldn’t it fall on neurotypical people in general to “educate themselves” on these issues, as in the cases of other minority groups?

That said, however, can any creative team be reasonably expected to know of any-and-all potentially triggering content? I’ve avoided speaking of Thomas Sanders’ personal character to maintain some impartiality, but a long history of promoting representation and careful content warnings does suggest a genuine commitment to self-correcting. Accepting the well-intentioned criticism of fanders—many of whom are so broken up by this precisely because of the amount of faith they place in the TS team—and taking active steps to change is ultimately the best course of action, and I, for one, will be sticking around to see the results.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #neurodiverse character #infodumping about infodumping #wow ive really peaked huh #ts logan #ts critical #ts criticism #ts discourse #sanders sides discourse

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noassallclass · 3 years ago

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fascinatingly enough in the actual play part of Critical Role, *Vax* is actually the one who initiates all of the romantic contact and flirting with Gilmore, which I think makes it all the more egregious that the show turns Gilmore into this borderline predatory gay caricature (with defined lips! is there a reason none of the other make characters have those? anything at all??). Not that it's surprising at this point that CR is making something this tone deaf and offensive; there were good things to be found in it for a while but the cast and the fandom since the beginning of the pandemic have been either silent on issues within the show or actively dismissive and spiteful of them.

Like, at one point they refused to put a trigger warning on the VOD because it would "spoil the content" -- which involved a PC's toddler being killed on screen. IIRC the warning currently on the episode is that "this show contains content that some people may find offensive", which... I mean that's fucking heinous.

Yeah from what I've heard they somehow made things more sexist and homophobic in TLoVM compared to campaign 1 (though c1 was still terrible enough to turn me away from ever trying to watch it) and I have no idea why they would do that when you have so many years of retrospect and learning that could have been done to make the show a more inviting experience???

And oh god I do remember that trugger warning fiasco! I had stopped watching c2 at that point but my God it was so frustrating to see. Because it's clear they saw the criticism and saw what people were asking for in terms of trigger warnings and they went sorry! If you're triggered by anything then it's OK not to watch this! We won't tell you what it is or when it is so good luck.

(Basically saying to ppl with trauma to just not watch their show)

Oh but they put a trigger warning in that one Ashley one shot...and then never again

They're like big politicians that are like "I hear you, I see you" but they do literally nothing even though they have all the power to make things better?

Cr only does enough in the right direction ro save face and I hate them

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goodplace-janet · 4 years ago

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some kinda general zombies run! thoughts. no actual spoilers, only the most vague meta comments on seasons/story arcs over the years.

i'm thinking about stories where the writer has a plan for the end and is able to wrap everything up in a satisfying way (the good place, leverage from what i've heard?) versus stories that get canceled before they can do that (pushing daisies) versus stories that drag on so long that they go WELL past the shark-jump stage (fucking supernatural)

and as much as i love zombies run! and wish it could go on forever... if i'm being completely honest, i feel like it's already fallen into the gone-on-too-long category, for me?

seasons 1-3 were a solid, coherent arc. i LOVED s5 and had problems with s4 and s6, but if i look at them as another arc i can appreciate it as a whole. s7 and beyond... i'm not really enjoying it as much anymore, and i can't pinpoint at this moment exactly what is missing that i feel the story used to have, but yeah. i can see where they could have ended on a good note after s6, instead of carrying on past that.

I'm not a confident writer lmao but i wish i could write a little like, post-s6 series finale that addresses all the characters and settings and how they're doing and how they're moving on after the events of the story, how they're looking towards rebuilding the uk and finally reaching out to other communities around the world. and then i would just hang onto that as my own personal headcanon while we lowkey slog through the rest of whatever the fuck is going on with actualcanon.

[sorry this is so very negative, and truthfully, I still love zr and it would take something extraordinarily egregiously offensive to make me ever quit it.]

another option would be for them to end abel township's story, but tell stories from other communities? like the hebrides season and the tunisia season with the red fungus arc could have been a separate thing that didn't involve abel, because shoehorning these characters into these situations has led to breaks in continuity? (mostly in s9, to be clear.) maybe that doesn't make sense, especially factoring in the listener perspective character, but idk. I'm just thinking out loud at this point in the post.

i do feel like the app is switching focus to the new adventures, which is a shame (for me personally lol) because i don't actually care for those.

I don't know how to end this post... i will end with a disclaimer that i don't hate zr lol. I'm just noticing my feelings about it and how they've changed over time.

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eideticmgg · 5 years ago

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Take It Like A Man

Okay so this is a first draft of the Take It Like a Man scene and it is also my first ever fic so I would greatly appreciate any and all feedback! Also I used most of the lyrics from the bridge because I love this song okay thanks enjoy!!

“I don’t get it. Why are we here?”

“Spencer, you know I love the whole casual Friday vibe you have but you can’t wear a corduroy jacket in court. Especially not in spring!” You teased him, pulling at his old jacket.

“I- Hey! I happen to like this jacket!” Spencer mocked offense, a soft smile creeping onto his face all the same.

“Come on! Don’t just stand there, have a look around. Pick out something nice, okay?” You giggled, rushing around the store picking out shirts that Spencer couldn’t tell he wouldn’t be able to afford.

Looking around the store, Spencer was overwhelmed by how out of place he felt. To be fair, he normally felt that way around y/n but recently whenever she was near him he felt as if his heart was going to beat through his chest.

Spencer picked up a plain shirt that seemed relatively okay but winced looking at the price tag. He put the shirt back, trying to figure out why y/n had brought him to shop where he would have to sacrifice food for two months to afford one jacket.

“Spence! Over here!” Your voice called our over the music playing in the shop. Spencer felt his heart swell with affection at the nickname. He made his way over to you, seeing you stand at the dressing room with a pile of different clothes.

“Okay so, I’ve picked out a few outfits for court but I also picked some cute shirts that I thought you could wear just for the sake of looking nice!” You smiled at him, handing him the first outfit and gesturing for him to enter the cubicle.

Spencer stared at himself in the mirror, wishing he was anywhere else but here right now. He was never confident in his body, how could he be when he was so scrawny. Despite his slim stature, his clothes were almost always a bigger size as most thrift shops don’t carry formal wear in smaller sizes. He never cared much for his physical appearance because he knew he could make up for his shortcomings in the brain department. However there was something about how passionate y/n was about wanting to find him something nice to wear that made him smile. She didn’t want to fix him, she just wanted to make him feel more confident. Too bad he won’t be able to afford any of these clothes.

“Uh... Spence? You alright in there?”

Shit.

“Yeah, sorry I’ll be out in a second!” He threw on a casual shirt and exited the dressing room.

“Do you like it? I really like it, Spencer!” You smiled at him. You looked like a small child, proud that they had dressed their doll so perfectly. Spencer nodding in agreement.

“Try on the rest of the casual ones and then come out in the suit okay? I’m gonna look around for some shoes.”

Spencer nodded before heading back into the dressing room. He tried on another two shirts before giving up, sighing softly.

Looking at himself in the mirror he began to put on the suit. It felt weird to wear one that actually fit him properly.

“Hey, y/n? I-I’m ready to come out in the suit.” Spencer called out, starting to feel nervous. Why was he feeling nervous? It was just y/n. His friend, y/n. Who he saw at her lowest and then helped to become a great lawyer. Because that’s what friends do, and they were definitely friends. Nothing more. Right?

“Ah, come out!” You couldn’t help but feel excited, finally getting to see Spencer in the whole reason you organized the shopping trip. Spencer constantly over-worked himself, rarely taking care of himself and if there was one thing you were passionate about, it was self care. Plus, you like to spend time with your favorite genius, so it’s really a win-win.

Spencer slowly opened the door, walking over to you in front of the full length mirror.

“Woah...” You both breathed out.

Spencer was nearly unrecognizable in the suit. Gone was the scrawny kid who started college when he was 12, standing in front of them was a confident young man.

“I look like Warner.” Spencer grimaced, wondering if that was your plan the whole time. He stared at your reflection, trying to gauge your reaction

“But it’s just me.” You smiled softly.

“That’s the best part. Sure, the outside is new but now it just reflects what’s already inside of you. Couldn’t change that if I wanted to.” You grinned bumping his shoulder gently. “Which I do not.”

“Thank you...” Spencer gave a small smile to you, still trying to get used to his reflection. Throughout his whole life Spencer has been told he needed to change his personality if he ever to fit in. His father, his teachers, his peers all hated his ramblings and constant use of statistics. Their comments eventually led to Spencer doing his best to just not talk to them. That wasn’t very hard as none of them actually wanted him to speak to him. But now, right next to him was someone that didn’t want him to change. That for the first time liked him. All of him. Not just the fact that he was smart and seemed to know the answer to everything. “But I can’t afford this. Any of this...”

“That’s okay, I’ve got it. Spence, this isn’t just a gift. This is payment in kind. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be here right now. It was you that saw behind all this blonde to my mind.” You curled a lock of your blonde hair around your finger, a smile gracing your face. “And I’ll never be able to thank you enough for helping me, Spencer. You really are the best thing that’s happened to me here.” You grinned at him, gently putting your hand on his shoulder to turn him so you were now face to face. Looking him up and down one last time you beamed at him.

“Okay we have to buy this, I mean look at you! Spencer, you look hot! Is he not hot?” You asked the sales assistant, laughing.

Did you just say hot? Never in his entire life has Spencer Reid been described as hot. He’s never had any kind of positive comment made about his physical appearance. And for the first time, Spencer is truly speechless, the only thing he can do is blush deeply before turning back into the dressing room.

He changed back into his own clothes, grateful for the comfort they provided. He brought out the pile of clothes and met you at the till. He felt an overwhelming sense of guilt hit him as the cashier revealed the total but you seemed completely unfazed by what he considered an egregious amount for so few items. You smiled at him reassuringly before handing him the bag.

“For the new, more fashionable Spencer Reid!” You smiled at him, chuckling slightly at the growing blush on his face. He was cute when he blushed. When did Spencer get so cute? More importantly, when did he get so hot? Woah, those are not appropriate thoughts to be having about Spencer, y/n.

“Come on!” You said, quickly changing the subject. “I’m gonna go get an iced coffee, you want something?”

“Oh, uh, no thanks. I think I’ve spent more money today than I have in my entire life.” Spencer stammered out, laughing slightly at his own joke.

“Well, you know you didn’t actually spend any money today...” You teased him, a smirk spreading onto your face.

“Please don’t remind me. You know I can pay you back some of it. It might take me a while but I prom-“

“Spencer!” You cut him off promptly.

“I was just joking. You are not paying me back because you deserve this. Honestly. It’s the least I could do for all the hours you’ve spent tutoring me.” You smiled, touching his arm softly.

Both of your eyes drifted to your hand on his arm before meeting. You both jumped back slightly, not entirely sure what the feeling you were both experiencing was. Both of you froze, unsure what to do or say after a surprisingly intimate moment.

“I was actually looking over my notes from State of Indiana v. Hurn and I found some interesting similarities between that and...” Spencer broke the silence, rambling on about the similarities between two cases. You smiled fondly at him, chiming in a few times with your own points. Still you couldn’t stop your mind from wondering. More specifically you couldn’t stop thinking about how handsome Spencer looked in his suit.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x oc #spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #legally blonde! spencer #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid oneshot

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de-cryptid · 4 years ago

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So now that Simon’s archive is usable, I decided to take a stroll through and just absorb the scenery. Take in the surroundings, encompass myself in his glory and wisdom...

Alright, that was unnecessarily dry, let’s just dive into this.

I had seen him post links regarding his series chronicling “Monstrous Myths” and, of course, relating them to his species and himself.

The article I finally decided to check out was the one on ghouls, hosted on his creaturescookbook blog (not on tumblr, the wordpress one). And... I don’t know what I was expecting but...

Well, let’s just look together, shall we?

The behavioral comparison to my species seems evident. What is less so are the physical descriptions of such creatures. They can apparently change shape, but as I have upon many previous occasions, I will argue that this is simply a human way of explaining some other catastrophic event, for which the ghoul is not to blame. If you are stupid enough to leave your infant unattended, and it is snatched away by a large and fearless hyena, of course you will not wish to blame yourself. Instead the hyena is not a normal hyena – the sort you have outsmarted a dozen times before, the sort your infant has cooed at and giggled over. That hyena must be a demon in disguise. You rage against heaven or chaos, instead of taking responsibility, instead of killing hyenas, one of nature’s most hideous and malevolent creatures, you instead target me and mine.

My problem begins with “If you are stupid enough to leave your infant unattended”. Sorry to delve into nitpick-y territory here, but something about the utter lack of nuance possible in his imagined scenario, which amounts to “dumb parent leaves baby for hyena to eat” just feels cruel. Maybe this is his attempt at humour, I can’t be sure, but it comes across as insensitive and mean-spirited.

But past that, he talks of how the resulting calamity leads to a shift in belief, reimagining the events with a demon instead of a lowly hyena. He says “you instead target me and mine”.

What kind of a leap is that?

The ghoul, as he said, does not physically resemble his species very much. It looks more like a human corpse. If a distraught parent misremembers losing their child as a terrifying half-dead human consuming them, why would you assume it must pertain to your species? Especially considering there was no sighting of your kind in this hypothetical?

The logic is strange, to say the least.

But this part also bothered me: “one of nature’s most hideous and malevolent creatures”. That’s just... is it silly of me to say ‘dumb’? Does he have some sort of hyena vendetta I’m simply unaware of?

For someone who claims to be very in tune with nature and the world around him, knowing and sensing things we never could, it seems peculiar to reduce a predator species that’s far tamer than his own to an ugly villain.

Ah well. Nitpicking.

Moving on...

Perhaps the human mind must find reasons to blame us, if only to muster the courage to destroy their only natural predator. Perhaps your desire to blame us for all your misfortunes is simply an adaptation. Perhaps you need it. I will not argue that it is vestigial, like the appendix. Instead, I will absolve you of guilt, and say that while I find this annoying, I do not take offense. You cannot help it.

It’s irritating that this becomes all about him and his kind, but that’s what his whole “Monstrous Myths” series is anyway. I shouldn’t have expected any difference, any nuance or actual understanding of why humans tend to have myths revolving around humanoid terrors (psychologically, anthropologically, etc.) He’s running an “experiment” about fiction yet isn’t approaching this from any other angle? Interesting. It’s almost like he’s gone into all of this with a conclusion to prove and refuses to think outside of that.

Another nitpick, I am rather fond of those, the appendix isn’t vestigial. It does have a job in our bodies that we have known about for over a decade. This function is part of the reason it’s so volatile; it holds a lot of bacteria to help replenish our gut’s natural flora when necessary. This bacteria makes it susceptible to infection and inflammation, hence why appendicitis isn’t uncommon.

Alright, onto the last (and most egregious) part I’d like to highlight:

In all other ways, the ghoul is a perfect analogue to the obour, the classic wendigo, even the more exotic sounding gorgon. They are all one monster, fast, strong, in love with shiny things, sharpening their intellect by hunting the sentient. Most importantly – they are ravenous.

Now, research into obours was bizarre, as his blog was actually one of the only hits. But from what I could find, his description of it is simply... incorrect. I won’t get too much into that because there isn’t really a reputable source to rely on here.

But what I do want to focus on is his examples (which I will not repeat) and how they share traits such as “in love with shiny things” (something that his examples do not actually share). He tries to relate them to his species by saying they sharpen their intellect by hunting the sentient, but that also is not something that actually originated in those myths; he made it up.

It’s just a strange and altogether loosely-related series of posts, his supposed monstrous myths. They are poorly researched to the point of cultural disrespect and misrepresentation (hence the terms he used) and simply don’t fit in his canon, as much as he wants them to.

#simon alkenmayer #long post

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burgerpocalypse · 3 years ago

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Back 4 Blood Beta

It's not good. I don't recommend buying or playing this game. Avoid it. If you like it, you're actually wrong.

I'll be directly comparing Back 4 Blood to Left 4 Dead because it's the same development team (supposedly). I'm also in an especially unforgiving mood, so this will be an outwardly hostile discussion of this terrible product. If you think I'm just being overly negative and want the game to fail because I'm an asshole, well, yeah, I am, but this shoddy product deserves considerable ire and I won't be convinced otherwise.

Some publications and individuals are calling it good, a worthy successor to L4D. They're wrong. L4D was a charming, polished, streamlined game. B4B is passionless, janky, and complicated. It makes mistakes that L4D solved or cleverly avoided, and introduces critical issues that ruin the experience.

Game Feel

Shooting feels weak and unresponsive, slows your movement speed, and requires aim-down-sights to have any accuracy.

Basic movement is slow and plodding. Sprinting drains stamina almost instantly, and is barely faster

Melee attacks rapidly drains stamina and has dubious reach; shoving enemies provides almost no benefit unless you have a specific perk card.

Zombies (or Ridden, a terrible, thoughtless name for zombies) shumble at you like they're competing for the Jank Olympics. One zombie can drain your health bar in seconds through sheer jankitude.

Players will regularly be yeeted, and it will seem like you just experienced an unintended bug or glitch rather than a deliberate force.

You're constantly taking damage from random, unidentifiable sources.

In summary, the game feel of this particular game is woeful.

Characters and Monsters

I hate the player characters. Well, that's a lie. HG, the prepper guy, or whatever his name is, is the only one I don't hate. He doesn't say cringeworthy lines, and he has a definable personality beyond broad emotional traits or bog-standard tropes. Player animations are also jank

The Ridden, which I will reiterate are named terribly, are indistinguishable from each other, players, and the environment. The common zombies are of the same color and height as players, so you're gonna probably be shooting teammates a lot, especially when everyone's covered in blood effects. Special zombies are awfully designed, to the point that I have to complain about them for the rest of this section. They:

are unpredictable, in a bad way

have entirely too much health with easily missed weak points

do far too much damage from unreasonable distances

move faster than the player's default speed, and can charge for extended distances

often appear in multiples and crowd chokepoints

The Hocker operates like the Smoker from L4D, but can lock down multiple players at once, chunk your health from great distances, and repeatedly jump from vantage point to vantage point at random. Its name is also stupid.

The Snitcher calls more zombies if you shoot it, which isn't obvious at all until you end up shooting it and call more zombies. It's also a key mistake that the developers of L4D avoided through rigorous playtesting, which allowed them to see that a similarly designed enemy was completely unfair, resulting in it being cut from the final release. Its name is also stupid.

The big fat guy can douse you in health-draining bile from 50 meters away, is difficult to kill, and has a variant that charge you and explode. This like they took the Boomer and made it worse in uniquely awful ways, just to see if they could. I don't remember the name, but its probably stupid.

The big arm guy can thwack you for 50% of your health bar, pin you in place, is also difficult to kill, and has a variant that is even more difficult to kill. I don't remember his name either, bu its definitely stupid.

The final one I can remember is the one that sits in a flesh pod and ambushes a player that gets too close, pinning them exactly like the Hunter would. The flesh pod blends into the environment in an especially egregious way, and the enemy itself looks stupid. Its names is also probably stupid.

Difficulty

I've cut my teeth on L4D and other coop shooters. I've beaten all the official campaigns on Expert. This game is stupid hard and unforgiving to such a degree that I fully believe that the developers do not understand at all what made L4D fun.

As players lose health, they also accrue trauma, which reduces maximum HP, potentially down to 40 HP. This cannot be recovered, even after respawning at a safe room or midround, unless you find a special medicine locker, which costs copper to use.

Levels are far too long, and there is never, ever any room to breathe. Players are constantly assaulted by zombies from all angles with no sense of rhythm or dramatic tension.

Levels also have no flow. Players will feel as though they are randomly wandering with no sense that they are being led in a particular direction. In L4D, the player characters would constantly be making observations about the environment (i.e. "Up that ladder!" or "We can use X to get across"). While L4D used tooltips to point out important objects, B4B relies entirely upon them.

Players have an elaborate inventory and currency system that is confusing and unreliable. Instead of providing healing and ammo at the start of each level, players have to buy it with copper. Like, literal in-game microtransactions. Each player has a unique wallet, though any copper picked up is given to all players equally. The copper system is an unnecessary addition that serves to slow down the start of a round.

Players can hold one offensive, healing, and support item. Medkits are not given a specific item slot, but instead compete with bandages and pills for inventory space. Guns and melee weapons also have tiers and ranks that are ill-defined. I have an extensive list of gripes I could go on about with this system, but I'll list some key issues:

There are too many items of each type, and they are too plentiful in the environment to be worth spending copper on

Ammo is broken into 4 types, which can leave you with lots of ammo for a weapon type you aren't using and no ammo for the gun you're actually using

Weapon attachments and ammo upgrades do nothing but provide confusion and force you to stop and stare at a stat screen to understand what it is you're adding to your gun. You also can't transfer them between guns, so you'll eventually have to swap a lower-tier gun with great attachments for a higher-tier gun with no attachments

Some offensive items do not behave in the way you expect them to, or provide so little value that they aren't worth using

Bandages and medkits operate identically, offering no interesting decision-making opportunities

The efficacy of healing items in general is needlessly reduced by players being able to heal by killing enemies, as well as trauma reducing max HP to the point that they don't provide any value

The Legacy of Left 4 Dead

Left 4 Dead provided a tightly packaged experience that nearly anyone could pick up on, and has a satisfying core loop that kept me coming back for years in spite of its many obvious glaring flaws. It was not bogged down by unnecessary progression systems or overly complex mechanics.

Since Valve allowed the series to shrivel and die, there has been no refinement of the mechanics that give L4D its magic, only inferior imitations that do not understand why things were they way they were.

Warhammer: Vermintide fails by being too complex, with vast differences between player characters, and an awful gear system that locks players out of higher difficulties with an arbitrary power system and random lootboxes

PAYDAY has zero polish, an unfathomably dull progression system, uninspired characters, awful artificial difficulty, and generally wastes the player's time with crushing amounts of busy work and waiting around

Back 4 Blood could have been great, but it completely misses the point. I'm going to try and play more of it while the beta is open, since I'm a miserable masochist, but also because some small part of me still wants to like it.

I'm sorry that this was so long and uncoordinated. I also apologize if you do enjoy the game. I just hope that I was able to provide a unique perspective of some small value to someone.

Thanks for reading. Sorry there's no interesting art to look at. I only put that comically small cover image there because it made me feel slightly better.

#back 4 blood #turtle rock studios #left 4 dead #video games #review #sorry for the rant

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bouwrites · 5 years ago

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Even Heroes Have the Right to Dream: Chapter 13

To save the world or go to work, it’s the same thing to me.

First, Previous, Next. Ao3.

Story under read-more.

Marinette almost kissed Jon. She would have, had he not jumped away at the last minute. And bubbling up inside her is this dirty feeling she hasn’t had for a while now. A slimy loathing that fills her and tries to drag her down into it.

Not this time. Marinette will not fall prey to that feeling again. Yes, she almost kissed Jon. Yes, it’s a sort-of, almost surprise to her just how willing she is to do so – how eager, even. Yes, he pulls away at the last moment, clearly not ready, or not willing, to kiss her.

Yes, she feels like an idiot. Like, despite how fresh her realization that her feelings for him may not be entirely platonic, she’s just been rejected. But he does lean in in the first place. He does give her that touching speech about how important she is to him and look at her like she has the galaxy mapped out in her face. And the last thing she’ll believe is that all of that was a lie.

Marinette feels that self-loathing, the childish hatred that tells her that there’s something wrong with her, that it’s stupid of her to think Jon will ever like her like that. She feels it, and she grabs it by its metaphorical balls and tells it to go die.

Marinette is the guardian of the Miraculous, former hero of Paris, and a grown twenty-two-year-old woman. Little embarrasses her more about her past than her ridiculousness around Adrien. She’s not going to let another crush turn her into that little girl again. She’s especially not re-adopting the self-destructive habits of that little girl.

This is Jon. Her roommate, her best friend. The man she fully intends to spend the rest of her life with, romantically or not. The man who just finished spilling his heart out to her about how much he loves her, even if he doesn’t use those exact words. The man whom she just finished spilling her heart out to about how much she loves him.

Besides, they’ve been through this before. They learned from the first time and put that lesson into practice the second. They have to communicate.

So, even though Marinette feels a little stupid and a little childish, and even though she’s awkwardly shuffling away from him on their perch on a thick tree branch, she waits. He’s the one that retreats from the kiss, so she’s hoping he’ll say something first.

And he does. “I- I, uh…” Jon clears his throat and hugs himself. “I’m… sorry. I- I didn’t- I wasn’t- I wasn’t thinking. I just… you’re… so beautiful. And I… I love you so much.”

Marinette is surprised at the confession. Even though he says it like a question, it makes a familiar warm embarrassment and affection blossom within her.

“Oh, God.” Jon covers his face. “I didn’t even realize. Oh, okay, um… I’m so sorry. I’m still processing.”

Marinette can see the weak, hopeless smile on his face mixed with the barely held together panic and frustration in his eyes and sighs. She can relate. She doesn’t feel all that different right now. “Do you need a moment?” She asks.

“Yes please.” He squeaks.

Marinette giggles and nods. “Me too.”

And she really does. People have been teasing her about or implying she likes Jon for a while now – basically since she broke up with Adrien, honestly, though it’s really picked up since last semester when they really got into a nice groove of living together and working to help each other and just generally all the domestic happiness they’ve found. And that’s fine. It doesn’t bother her. It’s embarrassing, a little, just because it’s not true – or it wasn’t – and more than a few times Jon is right there to witness it, but he never makes it awkward either. He just laughs it off or ignores it if there’s no need to correct it, so Marinette ends up taking the same approach.

It’s easy. It’s comfortable. It’s nice.

And he’s cute, for sure. Those big eyes behind those glasses will surely be the death of her (she can never resist when he tries for the puppy eyes, but then again she’s weak to Adrien and Alya’s puppy eyes as well), and she may or may not have admired him once or twice.

It’s actually ridiculous how, despite having seen him in various states of undress, it’s his arms that linger in Marinette’s mind. The muscles working as he leans over the tractor, the (disgusting) smears of oil and grime across his hands and arms, how they flex when he moves, it’s criminal. Marinette doesn’t think much of it at the time beyond appreciating his body (which is a perfectly acceptable thing for a friend to do, if Alya is any sort of standard), but now, after their egregiously romantic night under the stars, it all takes a new context.

Honestly, Marinette thinks, almost pouting, how can anyone expect me not to fall in love after that? She looks out to the horizon again, soaking in the sight of the stars, the faint glow of the galaxy so clear out here – she’s never seen that in person before. This is something she only gets to see because of Jon. This is something that Jon went out of his way to bring her to see.

And then he goes and tells her all that about how she’s changed his life and how thankful he is that they’re together and… yeah. If Marinette didn’t love him before, she’s basically legally obligated to at this point.

The dumbest part about it is that, based on how Jon himself is pulling at his hair, he didn’t even intend for tonight to be romantic. Hindsight is 20-20, Marinette supposes. And something she can see with perfect clarity is that whatever is going on between her and Jon, from this moment forward, is not simply friendship.

What exactly it is, though… is another story. Does she like him? Marinette does not struggle to say that yes, she probably does. But is she so bold as to admit such now? He says he loves her, but he’s still processing, too. She should let him figure himself out first before entering into this. She absolutely loves him, deeply and platonically, and it won’t do to misinterpret things before they get the chance to think it through for themselves, and then talk it out like the grown adults they are.

She needs to figure herself out, too. But she has to give him something. Something so that he’s not left hanging until they do have that talk, which will definitely be soon.

“Hey, Jon?” She says carefully.

“Mhmm?”

“I… I think I love you, too.”

Jon’s eyes snap to hers. There’s such a deep uncertainty in them, a hesitation that solidifies Marinette’s resolve that, though this conversation needs to happen, they’re both a bit caught off-guard by tonight. “But…” She says, “neither of us expected this, did we?”

Jon winces. “Uh… no.”

“I thought so. We’re going to need to talk about it.”

“I know!” Jon says quickly. “And I do! I want to talk about it! I just- I need to- I need to get my thoughts and- and- everything all in order first.” He sighs, and his pained expression turns away to face the grass. “I’m sorry. I know I need to-”

“Don’t apologize, Jon.” Jon shuts his mouth sharply at Marinette’s words. She touches his shoulder, and a relieved calm spreads through her when he leans into the touch. “We’re both caught off guard, and I don’t think either of us really know where our heads are at right now. So why don’t we take the rest of the break to figure things out? Just for a day or two, we’ll go on like we have been, as if we didn’t just… well almost kiss. Take the time to examine our feelings, make sure this isn’t just… this stupidly romantic night.” Jon chuckles sheepishly along with her as he glances to the starry night sky. “Then when we’re back in New York and in our apartment and we’ve had some time to process it all, we’ll talk about it. Okay?”

Jon bites his lip and nods. “If you think that’s best.”

Marinette lets out a weak chuckle. “No offense, but I also just don’t want to have this conversation while we still have a several-hour car ride back home ahead of us. That would be… just unbearable if this makes things awkward.”

“I don’t want it to be awkward.” Jon whimpers. “I don’t want this to mess everything up.”

“It won’t.” Marinette assures him. She speaks the words with such surety only because she also needs to convince herself. But this is Jon. He’s… one of the very few things she truly does trust absolutely. They can make it work, even in the worst-case scenario. He’s home. “We won’t let it. No matter what, right? We’ll always be best friends.”

Slowly, the smile returns to Jon’s face, and the night feels so much brighter. “Yeah. For sure. Thanks, Marinette. I… I can believe when you say it. That’s another reason why I love you, I guess.”

Wow, that still feels strange to hear. It does funny things to her heart, too.

Marinette sleeps on the issue. Last night, she’s caught up in the moment. She’s swept off her feet, figuratively and literally, by this place and by Jon, and she’s still only human. It’s easy to get caught up in those kinds of things.

Yet when she heads back out to the living room and spies Jon still slumbering on the couch, she feels a surge of warmth overcome her. It’s impossible to keep the fond smile from her face. Not that she tries.

Yeah, I definitely love him, don’t I? The reassurance is steadying, bracing, but it also gnaws away in her gut. I’m going to have to tell everyone.

Marinette retreats to Jon’s room once more and checks the time. Alya will kill me if I don’t keep her updated on this. And Adrien… Marinette sighs.

“Are you alright, Master?”

“Wayzz,” Marinette sighs once more. “I told you not to call me that.”

“Ah, my apologies. But are you…?”

“I’m fine.” Marinette turns her eyes to the glow-in-the-dark stars in the room. The sunlight streaming through the window renders them to simple little off-color shapes, but they still bring to mind the real stars from last night. “I’m just worried about Adrien. It’s been a long time since we broke up, but…”

“I see.” Wayzz nods slowly, almost a bow. “You are in love with Jonathan.”

Marinette sits down on the bed and stares at her phone. There are strange butterflies in her gut, but they aren’t about Jon. How odd, that the next time she falls in love she would feel none of that frantic energy from the first time. “I guess I always knew this would happen.” Marinette says. “With someone, anyway. Since I broke up with Adrien, I mean. I knew we weren’t going to get back together. I still can’t be with a hero, not like that, but…”

“But you have accepted your role as guardian.” Wayzz says. “You have made progress. Do you wonder if you might accept him being a hero if you had more time?”

Marinette shuts her eyes. “Hard not to wonder.” It’s not quite pain that settles over her. Not quite that stinging hurt. It’s more of a cold dread, but even then, that’s not quite it. It’s the chilling, yet strangely reassuring embrace of the inevitable. A terrible thing accompanied by the relief that she no longer needs to wait for it, and that it will soon be behind her now that she can face it head on. It is… an odd feeling. “I was happy with him, despite everything else.”

“Sometimes, Mas- Marinette…” Wayzz says, “our paths through life are thrust upon us. Sometimes we seek them out. However, your free will to choose the path you want to walk is something that can never be taken from you. A good turtle is steady and constant. Take your time, choose your path, but do not falter when you walk it.”

Marinette worries her lip. “I understand.” She sighs heavily. “I know my path. My life is with Jon. I’ll… I’ll call Alya. I was going to tell her about Thanksgiving, anyway. She can help me with Adrien.”

Wayzz bows respectfully and hides again as she finds Alya’s contact. As she gets into the conversation with Alya, Alya can clearly see that she’s a bit off. She doesn’t interrupt, though. “I actually had a lot of fun.” Marinette says, concluding the story about the day. “It’s really nice to have a day to just remember to be thankful for what we have.”

Alya smiles gently. “Sounds like it did you some good.”

“Aha, I guess so. Um… at the end of it, Jon took me out to look at the stars.” Marinette laughs. “Alya, you’ll never believe the stars out here! Pictures really can’t do it justice; it’s so beyond beautiful!” Marinette blushes and clears her throat and Alya raises her brow silently, letting Marinette spill the scoop all on her own. “And, um… we, sort of… almost kissed.”

Marinette jumps and has to cover the speaker on her phone for fear that Alya’s shriek will be heard throughout the house. “Alya!” Marinette chastises her friend. “Don’t blow out my eardrums!”

“You kissed Jon?!”

“Almost! We didn’t actually-”

“Way to go, girl!”

“Alya!”

“Oooh, I want to hear every detail! The whole story, Marinette! Come on, a night under the stars out in the country? What did he say? What did you say? Come on! Don’t leave me hanging!”

“Alya, calm down!” Marinette groans. “I’ll tell you everything, but first, I need your help.”

Alya sobers quickly, nodding to her through the camera. “Of course. What can I do?”

Marinette’s hands tremble as she holds her phone. She debates putting it down, because Alya can surely tell, but she decides against it. It’s nice to have something to clutch, even if she worries a bit that she’ll break the thing. “Add Adrien to the call?”

Alya sucks in a hissing breath. “Oh.” She shakes her head. “It’ll be okay, Marinette. He loves you, yeah, but he’s been ready for this. I promise.”

“I hope so. I don’t want to hurt him.”

“I know, girl. Give me just a minute and I’ll have him here.”

Alya’s camera is jumbled around as she contacts Adrien, and not two minutes later the screen splits and Adrien’s beautiful face appears in another window. “Hi, Marinette! How’s Thanksgiving?”

Marinette smiles painfully at him. “Great! It’s been wonderful.”

“That’s great!”

“Actually,” Alya says, “Marinette was just about to tell me about the night she had with Jon.”

Marinette glares, mostly playfully, at her, but sighs and launches into the story. She starts from when he invites her outside to look at the stars and modifies only their flying stint to protect Jon’s identity. As she tells Alya and Adrien, Jon just drags her out into the field and convinces her to dance.

Close enough.

She keeps the exact details of their proclamations to each other under wraps as well, but she gives them both enough so that they have proper context for the almost-kiss.

“You like him.” Adrien says softly, fondly, when Marinette wraps up her story. She’s torn between being unable to look away from him and being unable to look at him, but she can see how gentle the look on his face is. “I’m happy for you, Marinette.” His eyes move from the screen for a moment, down, to the floor, and then he takes a breath and smiles. “You’ve clearly got excellent taste in men, if I do say so myself.”

Alya snorts. “Shut up, furry.”

“Says you, furry! Furry rights!”

Alya makes a clearly forced serious face at the screen, probably to Marinette. “Adrien Agreste just said furry rights.” She deadpans. “Marinette, my love, my best friend in the whole world, serious question. Is this world blessed or cursed? Because I legit do not know anymore.”

Marinette shrugs, unable to fight her grin. “He has a point. You don’t have much of a leg to stand on calling him a furry, considering.”

“Hey, I never said I wasn’t! Have you seen some of that fanart of us?” When Adrien immediately clears his throat, blushing profusely, Alya adds, “The safe for work stuff! Get your mind out of the gutter, Agreste!”

“Anyway!” Adrien says loudly. “I’m proud of you, Marinette. You deserve this with Jon. He’s a good guy, and I wish you both the best.”

Marinette smiles, both at their antics and simply in relief. “Thank you, Adrien. That means a lot to me.”

“You heard the boy!” Alya says. “Go get your man!”

Marinette giggles. “That’s still not happening until we get back. And if he decides not to pursue it, it’s not happening at all. I just wanted to keep you updated, and… and ask Adrien if he’s okay with it.”

“We’re not together anymore.” Adrien says gently. “You don’t need my permission.”

“No,” Marinette agrees. “but you’re still important to me. There’s no way I could decide something like this without talking to you about it.”

“I’m honored.” Adrien says. “But seriously. Go get your man.”

There’s nothing Marinette can do in response but laugh. “If you insist.”

It is a lie to say that the last day of their Thanksgiving break isn’t awkward at all. All things considered, though, it goes smoothly. Kara, Marinette assumes she must be Supergirl, is intercepted by Jon the one time she looks like she’s going to approach Marinette about the strange atmosphere between her and Jon, and the next time Marinette sees the woman Kara has that knowing look that Lois and both of Jon’s grandparents seem to have from the moment they see each other in the morning after Marinette’s phone call.

If Marinette’s own mother weren’t so good at reading the room between her and her friends (and especially Adrien, even back when they weren’t together) she’d think one of them eavesdropped on her talking with Alya and Adrien. But no, this is just a family thing. They know from Jon’s behavior that he likes her, and they’re amused by this.

Marinette rolls her eyes at the whole display, but she does appreciate that they don’t try anything like her own mother might. They’re perfectly friendly, and wondrous hosts, but all their teasing glances and smirks are directed Jon’s way rather than hers, and, she thinks, mostly behind her back.

Poor boy.

Marinette assumes that her deal with Jon to talk about it when they get back to New York is spread throughout the family somehow. And she’s glad for it, even when Clark (Marinette still can’t quite believe that he’s Superman) gives the two of them a cheeky wink and a “Good luck” that implies a lot more than just luck on their exams when they’re dropped back off at their apartment.

Jon is nervous. Marinette notices even at the farm, but as they approach their door he only gets worse. He’s buzzing with energy while Marinette inserts her key in the lock. He taps his foot, wrings his hands, adjusts his glasses, fiddles with his hair.

Marinette barely manages to close the door before he exclaims, “Can we talk about it now?”

Marinette has to take a moment to form her response, just because the timing catches her off guard, but he’s looking at her with such earnest hope in his eyes that even if she had other plans, she’d ditch them. “Of course. Let’s go to the living room.”

They sit at their tiny dining table, a scene that calls Marinette’s mind to when he was waiting for her last year, after winter break when she had to fight Mayura. She winces at the thought. In the end, they made their deal with each other, and Marinette is glad they did. She’s glad for where they are now, and that promise is a strong tie binding them together, so she can’t entirely regret that whole incident.

Even so, she hates herself for allowing such weakness. To go back to Ladybug, to come so close to passing the guardianship on to Adrien… She’s very lucky, and very thankful, that Jon is here for her.

“You are just inscrutable sometimes.” Jon sighs heavily, sinking into his chair. “You know that? I spent all day yesterday and today trying to figure out if you really like me back, but I’ve got nothing.”

Marinette blinks for a moment at his pouting, then at the words, and then she laughs. “I’ve been called a lot of things, Jon, but inscrutable has to be a new one. Most people think I’m an open book.”

“Most people are wrong.” Jon crosses his arms with a playful huff. “All I saw was you laughing at my folks teasing me the whole time.”

“Aw, I’m sorry.” Marinette says honestly. “It just reminded me of my parents whenever I had Adrien over back when we were kids. That’s all. I wasn’t trying to be mean.”

Jon tries valiantly to maintain the pout of his lips for a few more tough seconds before he breaks into a smile. “I know. But… seriously, about that night in the tree…” His eyes find the table as he takes a deep breath. “I meant every word, and I still mean it now. You’re… one of the most important people in my life, and whether we’re- you know- dating or- or not, I know for sure I want you in my life. For the rest of my life.” He ducks his head, making a face. “And that’s coming on really strong.” He mutters. “Tone it back, Jon.”

Marinette covers her mouth as she giggles at him. “Don’t worry, Jon. I feel the same way. This life, this… post-heroism life… I want you in it, too. I did even before Thanksgiving.”

“Oh, thank God.” Jon breathes shakily. “But, uh, about Thanksgiving. I… I really do like you, Marinette. Like, I love you. Like… That was definitely not just a heat of the moment thing. I’ve been thinking a lot about it and… the more I do, the more I regret not kissing you then when I had the chance.

“I’m really sorry I pulled away. I was just overwhelmed, and I didn’t realize what I was doing until we were already like right there and I just… I kind of freaked out.” He groans and covers his face with his hands. “Oh, God, this is embarrassing.”

Marinette smiles at him, still nervous and jittery about this whole thing, and a strange calm overtakes her. Adrien approves, Alya does, too, Jon is someone she can see herself spending the rest of her life with. Hell, she fully intends to keep rooming with him after university. Maybe in New York, or maybe Metropolis, or maybe he’ll even like the idea of moving to Paris, Marinette isn’t sure about that, yet, but she knows that if he wants to be there, there is absolutely a place for him in her future.

In fact, if he doesn’t want to be there, she’s quite sure her future will feel very empty. It would be quite an endeavor to fill that void. So, she tells him the truth, in hopes of calming his nerves a little. “I love you, too, Jon.”

“You do? You do!” Jon beams, so openly giddy that Marinette can’t help but reflect his joy. “That’s great! I mean- uh… Oh, God, now what?”

He really is silly when he’s flustered, isn’t he? “Now, we prepare for finals.” Marinette says. “Just because we love each other doesn’t mean we can slack on our exams.”

Jon flushes red and nods. “Yeah. Right. Of course, but…”

“We’ll go on a date soon. If you’re okay with that?”

“Yes!” He squeaks, nodding eagerly. “Totally okay with that!”

Marinette giggles. “Good.” She stands. “Now we still have to get everything back in order before classes start again, so if that’s all, I’m going to go double check that I have all my assignments squared away. I know there was at least one thing I still need to do.”

Jon seems to regain control of himself and nods. “Yeah, I’ve got work to do, too. Then more studying.”

“There’s not much time between now and finals, is there?”

Jon cards a hand through his hair. “Yeah, that’s how it is. Thanksgiving and Christmas are just too close, I guess.”

Marinette shakes her head. The last two years, she’s used Thanksgiving break to study more, so she’ll have to catch up this year, even if it’s just a few days. “Well, I’m going to get started. Good luck, Jon.” She puts one hand on his cheek, smiling at how he immediately turns red, and kisses his other cheek. Barely a ghost of a kiss, but the moment her lips touch his cheek she can’t help but linger just a moment, and it’s so much more intimate than common bisous.

Not that she often gives bisous over here in the States, but it’s still nice to ensure Jon feels the distinction. Especially when he turns all red like that. The blush covers his ears adorably, so Marinette just laughs and ruffles his hair before she heads off to her room to get started on studying.

There’re only a couple weeks until finals. Honestly, Marinette will have to be clever if she wants to plan a date before winter break. Then again, she supposes Jon can come to Paris during break. It’s long enough that there won’t be too much issue if he takes a day away from home to spend time in Paris.

She’ll have to think it over.

She and Jon really have bad timing, Marinette thinks. Aside from their miraculous meeting in the first place, everything seems to happen at the worst moments. Like, why on Earth do they decide to fall in love two weeks before winter break?

Now, Marinette is juggling not only finals and Christmas gift plans, but also date plans. Thank the powers that be for Jon stressing over his own finals and agreeing that date night can wait. Not that that stops them from having quiet nights in watching movies on their sofa, of course, those just aren’t really “dates” so much as what they always do. With slightly more cuddling. (Nothing too far, not yet, but Jon slings his arm around her shoulders and she leans on him and it’s a lot different in their hearts, if not quite so much in practice.)

She’s using a rare time of peace, with finals later this very week, to get just a little work done on a present for Jon. It’s nothing that can’t be done in Paris, of course, and in fact Marinette intends to get a lot of progress done on the plane, but the repetitive stiches help her center herself and she’s hoping this meditative work will give her a bit of an edge on her studying tonight.

“Marinette! Hi! I wasn’t expecting to see you here! What’re you working on?”

So long as no one interrupts her, that is. Alas, there is Kasey, along with Sam and Louise, approaching her. It’s fine, Marinette decides. She has time to work on the present, and seeing friends is good, too, as a break from studying. “A Christmas present.” She says. “For Jon.”

“That’s so sweet!” Kasey sits next to her excitedly, examining the project in Marinette’s hands. “But you’re making a scarf? I would have thought you’d do something bigger considering you already fitted him.”

Marinette just chuckles. “He’s expecting it.” She says. “This is the first gift opportunity since then, so he’s obviously going to expect me to make something I fit him for. This is enough to throw him off, and then I’ll give him something bigger later. Not for his birthday, I think. Maybe just randomly.”

“Oh! Clever!”

“Yes,” Sam says, “that’s very clever. Speaking of Jon, I was having some trouble thinking of a Christmas gift for him myself. Do you think you could help me out? I really like, Jon, so I want it to be perfect.”

Marinette bites her lip. “I can help you, bu-”

“Thank you so much!” Sam grabs her arm like Alya does sometimes, all happy and excited. “With your help, I’m sure Jon will fall for me in no time.”

“But.” Marinette says, louder, just enough to put a stop to Sam’s eagerness. “I’m sorry, but he’s not interested in you. If you’re just trying to impress him, you should save yourself the time.” It hurts Marinette to do it, but she has to tell Sam sometime. She’d rather do it now, bluntly, than lead her on and let her waste time and money finding a present in hopes of winning him over with it.

Remembering her two years without holiday gift exchanges with Jon, Marinette is quite sure that gifts aren’t all that important to getting him to love someone, anyway.

Sam is understandably taken aback by Marinette’s words, so Marinette tries to soften the blow. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for, I only mean that I can’t help you… ah… what’s the word? Woo? Woo him?” Marinette looks to Kasey for help but finds only Kasey’s jaw on the floor.

Figures her vocabulary will fail her here and now when she needs to be careful with her words. Damn English. Louise hesitantly nods at her, as if to say, “Yes, that’s the right word.” Thank god for her.

“Why not?” Sam asks. “You know how much I like him.”

Marinette cringes. “Y-yeah, but… Jon and I are sort of-”

Sam stands abruptly, so sharply that it makes Marinette jumps. She clutches her knitting needles like weapons, and only forces herself to relax her grip when she feels Wayzz’s gentle press against her side and casts her mind to her promise of nonviolence.

Sam doesn’t seem to have any such restraint. “What good are you, then?!” She exclaims, loudly. Marinette feels a bit like a deer caught in headlights. What? “I’ve been parading around with you all semester and you’ve never even tried to help me out! Not once have I been invited to see Jagged Stone – you didn’t even think to introduce us when he came here a few weeks ago! No, you go with Jon. And now I find out that you won’t even help me out with him because you stole him?! How selfish can you get?!”

Selfish?

“God, I’ve wasted so much time with you! I should have figured out a long time ago that you only care about yourself!”

“Sam!” Kasey protests weakly. “Sam, I don’t think-”

“Shut up! We’re done with this girl. She’s not going to give us anything, so we’re done giving her the time of day.”

“Sam! But- oh, Marinette, I- I’m-”

Marinette takes a deep breath. Peace. Justice. She reminds herself. Two of the Girod, Jon’s virtues. Marinette reminds herself to live in accordance with them, and with her promise. She sets aside her knitting and stands to face Sam.

Burning anger boils within her. Righteous fury, for daring to call her selfish. For yelling at her because Sam isn’t getting all the perks she thinks she’s owed after playing at friendship. Marinette learned this lesson in collège. People want things out of other people. She expected someone to try after her fame with Jagged. She just… thought she was safe with Sam. Admittedly, she doubted Sam at the beginning, but they’ve been friends for months now. Marinette didn’t suspect she’d play-act friendship for so long.

Clearly, she’s wrong. And that pisses her off. But she will not fight. She refuses to be drawn into a battle again. Not physically, not verbally. She takes a breath, takes a step back, and examines the situation. Slowly, carefully, steady and constant. Anger ripples through her, but Marinette does not let it rule her. It’s there, and she acknowledges it, but she won’t let it lash out.

“I understand if you’re hurt.” Marinette says, honestly. Marinette does not doubt that at least some part of Sam legitimately likes Jon. There’s a lot to like about Jon, after all, and there’s no obvious gain for her career aside from eye candy by taking an interest in him, so Marinette believes the interest is genuine. “Jon and I… it took us off guard, too. I understand that you might be angry with me, since you’ve liked him for a while.”

White-hot rage seethes behind Sam’s cold eyes. Marinette dismisses it outright, as if it’s just a fly. Sam is no threat to her. Sam is unsteady, angry. Marinette is calm. “So, I’ll forgive what you say today. But if you really are only my friend for an introduction to Jagged, or anyone else that I know, then I’ll tell you right now that you’re not getting it. If that’s the only reason you’re here, go ahead and leave. If you really do want to be friends, though, I’d be happy to talk more when you’ve calmed down.”

“You self-righteous bitch!” Sam growls. “Now you’re talking down to me? To me? You’re lucky I even hung around you!”

Marinette sighs heavily. Yet you’re the one that wants something from me. So lucky. She’s no hero. It’s not her job to make the bad people good. If Sam is as rotten as she’s acting right now, then Marinette is within her rights to cut her out entirely. Even so, Marinette decides to leave that chance open to her. If Sam really does want to be friends, the door is open when she decides she wants it.

It’s disappointing, but Marinette is at a place close enough to peace to put it behind her. It’s upsetting that Sam isn’t who she thought she is, and Marinette certainly doesn’t appreciate being yelled at or taken advantage of, but in the end it doesn’t matter. Sam isn’t winning – she’s only hurting herself this way – so justice is satisfied. And stepping away is the most peaceful resolution to this that Marinette sees right now. So, she does.

“Let me know if you change your mind.” Marinette says calmly. She collects her knitting supplies and begins her walk home.

“Marinette! Wait!” Marinette stops for a moment for Kasey to run up to her. Louise is dragging Sam away. “I’m so sorry about her! I swear, Louise and I had no idea she’d do that! And- and I promise I really do love being your friend! I’m not just here for your connections, and I…” Kasey bites her lip and trembles a little, like it’s painful to say, and her next words are nearly venomous – certainly the most biting Marinette has ever heard Kasey be. “What Sam said is seriously messed up! I just- I want you to know that Louise and I have no part in that. I promise!”

Marinette smiles at her and puts a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay! That was… that was…”

“It’s okay, Kasey. It wasn’t your fault.” Marinette shrugs. “I’ve heard worse. Sam’s upset. That’s understandable. I don’t know if she was just trying to hurt me, or if she was being honest, but it’s not worth fighting over.”

“I- I just- I’m so sorry for her.”

Marinette sighs and pulls Kasey into a hug. “It’s okay. You’re not her. You don’t need to apologize for what she does. And we’re still friends, right?”

Kasey beams brilliantly. “Definitely! For sure! If… if that’s the kind of girl Sam is, then I’d rather be friends with you any day. Louise feels the same, I know, she’s just trying to… control Sam right now.”

Marinette smiles. “Cheer up. Give Sam time to calm down. And no matter what happens with her, that doesn’t affect us.”

Marinette is thrown back by Kasey hugging her. “Thank you thank you thank you! You’re the best, Marinette! I’m so glad you’re my friend!”

Marinette pats her back gently. “Me too. And we should both get back to studying, anyway, don’t you think?”

——-=——-

Tag List: @moonystars14 @pawsitivelymiraculous @magic-miraculous @vixen-uchiha @buticaaba @bigpicklebananatree @lozzybowe @moonlightstar64 @amayakans @theatreandcomicfreak @toodaloo-kangaroo @too0bsessedformyowngood @justcourttee <3

#miraculous ladybug fanfiction #ml fanfiction #ml x dc #maribat #marijon #ehhtrtd

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btssavedmylifeblr · 5 years ago

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Hi bee, i hope you're doing wellI just wanna ask for some tips bc I can't seem to do the "show don't tell" thing when writing. I have no idea why, it's weirdly difficult. Any websites or good examples about it? I'm kinda disappointed in myself. Thank u for being so kind! Much love to you

Ah yes, the classic advice that everyone says but is very hard to actually define. As a beginning writer, I always found this especially confusing because all writing is “telling” in the sense that you are telling a story. You only have words. It’s also a very hard thing to find clear examples of because “telling” might only be a sentence or two but good “showing” might take a whole scene, a whole chapter or a whole novel to do right. It’s something that takes practice and, unlike rules of grammar, can’t be fixed overnight.

I don’t always get it right (and “right” gets pretty subjective with this topic), but as an exercise, let’s compare the first scene I ever wrote to the opening scene of Void.

Excerpt One: Opening Scene of If You’re Struggling

(Disclaimer: I am so embarrassed by this cringey-ness. There is a reason I deleted it from Tumblr. Please don’t judge me too harshly. Writing is a learning process)

To illustrate the point (and because Tumblr’s formatting options suck) I’ve put a strikethrough on all the parts I would consider “telling” instead of “showing”.

“Have a great first day, honey!” Your boyfriend gives you a quick kiss as you grab your coffee and head out the door for your first day at your new job. You’ve been eagerly awaiting this day for several weeks now, since your successful interview with BigHit Entertainment. Up until now, you’ve been working as a makeup artist on a spec basis here in Seoul, but this is going to be your first full-time job as a makeup artist and stylist.

At the BigHit offices, you are welcomed in by the head stylist whom you met at your interview and she shows you around the offices.

“Ok, we need to get to the dressing room” she says, clapping her hands. “The boys are recording their dance practice today, and we need to do their makeup beforehand.”

Your heart beats a little faster when you realize you’re about to meet BTS. A month ago you had never heard of them, but since getting this job two weeks ago, you’ve been a bit obsessed - listening to their music non-stop as you do housework, watching all of their music videos over and over, seeking out all of their Bangtan bombs and television appearances. When your boyfriend caught you watching the “Boy in Luv” video for about the 30th time on your laptop, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and kissed your cheek.

“Do I need to be worried about you spending so much time with these boys?” He teased.

You turned your head and kissed him reassuringly on the lips. “No!” you giggled in mock offense “look at them, they’re just kids!”

You enter the dressing room and are pointed to a makeup chair in front of a mirror. You set about cleaning up your station and setting up your kit before the boys arrive. You hear the boys coming before you see them - shouting and laughing down the hallway before they get to the door. You are still setting up your station when the door clangs open and they burst into the room.

You turn around to find a tall, older blond boy already sitting in your chair. He gives you a smile and shakes your hand. “Hi. I’m Namjoon. You must be the new stylist.” He introduces himself as the leader and offers to help you get to know the other members. “Watch out for the younger ones, they like to play jokes on each other and everyone else.”

After Namjoon, you meet Jin. He is polite and spends most of his time in the chair filling you in on his recommendations for the other members “Be sure you get underneath Yoongi’s eyes, he was up late last night”, “Don’t go too dark on Jungkook’s lip color”, and so on. When you’re finished, he smiles gratefully at you and stands up to go.

Hoseok comes running over and throws his arm around Jin’s shoulders. “Jin’s make-up is easy since he’s so handsome already, right noona?” he teases Jin.

“Yes, precisely.” Jin replies, not embarrassed at all, but gives you a smile before heading off to hair.

Hoseok is the easiest to talk to out of all of the boys. He peppers you with questions as you do his makeup, all about where you’re from and where you’ve worked before. Before you know it, you’ve told him all about your life, including how you moved from South Korea to the US when you were six for your dad’s work and moved back when you were sixteen. “Oh wow!” He says excitedly. “We can all practice our English with you!”

While you are talking, a loud commotion comes from the back of the room as Jimin and Taehyung are playing Rock, Paper, Scissors and shouting about something.

“What’s going on?” You ask Hoseok and he smiles, a little embarrassed.

“They’re having a disagreement about who gets to sit in your chair next…” He replies. You just blush and look away.

While the younger boys are distracted with their battle, Yoongi plops down into your chair. He introduces himself with a nod and puts in headphones. About halfway through applying his makeup, you realize that he has fallen asleep. You look over at Namjoon, “What do I do now? Should I wake him up?” You ask.

Namjoon just chuckles, “You can keep going, he’ll just sleep through it.” When you’re finished, you gently wake him back up and point him in the direction of the hairstylist. He grumbles appreciatively and stumbles off.

Jimin has apparently won the game and comes rushing over to fill the vacant chair. “Hi. I’m Jimin.” He flashes you a devilish grin, then adds “You know… you are a lot younger and cuter than our last stylist…”

You’re a bit flustered, but Namjoon saves you. “Jimin, you can’t talk to our stylist like that!” He smacks Jimin gently upside the head and suddenly Jimin is just an adorable kid again.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry” he says and you get to work on his makeup.

Taehyung watches you doing Jimin’s makeup, making goofy faces in the mirror when your back is turned, trying to get Jimin to laugh and mess up all your hard work. He slides in when Jimin is done. He spends most of his time in the chair shouting across the room to Jimin, who is now having his hair done. You keep having to gently remind him to sit still.

The maknae is last. “Hi, I’m Jungkook.” He quietly introduces himself. He is really shy and barely says anything else to you as you do his makeup, but you can tell he is trying really hard to stay perfectly still, despite several attempts from the older members to distract him.

Once all of the boys are ready, their manager comes and rounds them up and you hear them running back down the hall to the dance studio laughing and joking. You breathe a sigh of relief and can’t fight back the smile that spreads across your face.

The first few weeks of working at BigHit are fantastic. The boys continue to warm up to you as you get to know them better. Namjoon loves talking with you in English, especially really quickly so his bandmates can’t follow what he’s saying. Of course, you can’t always follow what he’s saying either, but he is so thoughtful and full of ideas. Yoongi still often falls asleep, but he also now comes in with music recommendations for you and hands you the other ear of his headphones while you do his makeup. Hoseok continues to be your favorite, telling you all about his childhood, the audition and debut process, and filling you in on the latest gossip. Jimin and V continue to cause trouble, but are so adorable when they do that you can never stay mad at them. And Jungkook continues to be quiet and sit perfectly still in the makeup chair. He is so chatty with his bandmates that you are a little sad he isn’t more comfortable with you, but it does make his makeup easier to do than Taehyung’s.

Thoughts:

So there a lot of things here like it being her first day of work, her being nervous, and the mannerisms of the boys that would have been much better if I had showed them through dialogue, description, and physical mannerisms rather than telling them outright. It would have done a lot better job of placing the reader in the scene and would read as a bit less cringey. The last paragraph in this scene is particular egregious because instead of allowing the reader to see those relationships build over time and really invest us in those characters, I just summarize in one paragraph.

As a result, we get to the end of this scene and we know a lot of facts, but we don’t really have any good sense of who this character is or why we should care about her or empathize with her.

Excerpt Two: Opening Scene of Void

(Disclaimer: This is also not perfect, but it is much improved from the previous)

“Can you see them?”

You blink your eyes as you stare into the microscope, squinting against the bright light. You’ve been staring into this scope for two hours, searching for tiny signs of life.

“Maybe?” you reply. Your colleague leans in closer, close enough to smell his shampoo. Your eyes begin to water as you scour the field of view, checking each fleck of dirt for your prize. But again, you came up empty. “No, I don’t think so.”

You lean back in your chair, closing your eyes and rubbing them to relieve the strain. You didn't get much sleep last night. But you can’t bring yourself to complain to Hoseok.

He groans, standing up and twisting side to side. Your back aches in sympathy from bending over these finicky slides all morning. “We’re going to run out of samples.” The corners of his mouth pull down into a frown.

“We’ll run out of kerosene first,” you mutter. You look back through the lens one last time, hoping you missed something.

“They should have sent us with more.” Your fellow science officer stands up and walks over to chemical storage.

“Yeah, because large amounts of volatile organic liquids are a great thing to have on spacecraft." No one else on this ship would appreciate your joke. It’s not a good joke. But Hoseok humors you and gives you a small chuckle.

“Should we try an acid?” he suggests, as he examines the inside of the storage cabinet.

“Acetic?” He nods and scratches his chest as he fishes out the necessary bottle. He walks the acid back to your lab station and sets it down on the counter next to you.

He sighs and puts his hands on his hips, resuming his twisting back and forth. He clasps his hands together and does a long slow stretch upwards. Your eye catches on the sliver of exposed skin popping into view as his shirt rides up.

His smooth skin stretches across well-defined muscles, distracting your serious scientific mind. You lick your lips as you imagine how warm he would feel under your palm. You stare at the gap between his navel and the top of his pants. Not for the first time, you find yourself wondering what his skin tastes like.

“We should dilute it.” His shirt falls back down, breaking the spell. You look away, shaking your head, embarassed by your own lacivious thoughts. You’re a professional. A highly educated astronaut and scientist. You have a PhD, for god’s sake. Focus on the mission at hand.

“Yeah, we should.” You nod in confimation before standing up to get some glassware. “What concentration?”

As you turn around to reach the water tap, Hoseok moves to reach the tablet behind you. Your small lab is so narrow that you end up colliding with him. You bounce backwards off his body, cradling your beaker of water, headed straight back toward all of your ship’s glassware. You panic. Visions of shattering thousands of dollars of lab supplies fly through your head. But Hoseok catches you before you stumble into the cabinetry. You breathe a sigh of relief when you realize he’s got you in his arms.

“Fuck.” You smile. “Sorry, Hoseok.”

“It’s okay.” He laughs, shaking his head. “My fault.” His hands linger on you as you both chuckle. You feel the heat of his touch seeping through your jumpsuit.

Despite living in such tight quarters, it’s rare that you’re ever this close to him. You try to avoid physical contact with the crew out of self-preservation.

He smells good. Hoseok always smells good. While your ship smells mechanical and sterile, the man holding you smells warm and human. It’s comforting, but in a way that makes you ache with how you long to bury yourself in him.

Your colleague lets go of you and steps backwards, coughing into his shirt sleeve. He picks up the tablet and scrolls through your research materials. The warmth of his hands begins to fade from your shoulders. He finds the correct dilution factor and reads it out to you.

You measure out the appropriate amounts of acid mixing it with water. Hoseok retrieves another fragment of the meteoroid that you’re scouring for microorganisms. When he returns, you cover the sample with the acid, stopper the flask and set it to oscillate for a hour.

“Nothing to do now but wait.” You sit down on your stool and drum on your thighs. The idea of being alone with Hoseok for another hour fills you with nervous energy. It's a relief when he excuses himself to the bathroom.

It didn’t used to be this hard. When you started this mission two years ago, you had no problem being alone with any of your crew members. You were professionals doing a job together, and there wasn’t time or energy for idle sexual tension. But as the mission drags on, you have begun to feel more and more on edge. And it’s not only Hoseok. You are finding it harder and harder to be alone with any of the crew. When you spend all night fantasizing about someone, normal conversation becomes difficult.

You stare at the flask rocking back and forth on the counter and let your mind wander. You replay your previous clumsy moment. You imagine Hoseok catching you in his arms again, but this time you grab him and kiss him. You smell him and taste him and surround yourself in him. You close your eyes and follow the fantasy further. You imagine dropping to your knees and sucking him off up against the glassware cabinet. You imagine the way the lab equipment would clink as he bent you over the lab counter.

Hoseok returns, brandishing his tablet. “I got the new article from Geology on microfossils, if you want to take a look.” You sigh and nod.

Thoughts: So there is definitely some telling happening in this scene too. Telling is not always the worst thing in the world, although I wrote this scene nearly two years ago, so if I could go back and edit some of this out now I would. But what I want to point out here is how much information I convey without ever having to explicitly spell it out: we’re on a spaceship, the OC is a scientist with a crush on her colleague, she is touch-starved, they are searching for fossils, etc. And I think it does a much better job than the previous example at drawing the reader into the scene.

___

In general, here some good pointers for moving more in the showing direction:

1. Focus as much as you can on the present moment. What is your character thinking right now? What are they feeling? What information are they getting from their senses?

2. Use dialogue. Dialogue is a great way to show relationships between characters and fill in backstory without long paragraphs of just “telling” your readers stuff. Just be careful that it sounds like real dialogue and not exposition masquerading as dialogue. No one tells anyone their whole life story the first time they meet them or repeats information that the other person would obviously know.

3. Trust your readers to fill in the gaps. Readers are very good at picking up context clues. You don’t need to spell everything out for them. If you put them in the scene and describe the world around them well, they will figure out lots of things just from context.

Hope that helps! The only real solution is to play around with it and practice and see what you like. Good luck!

#on writing

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callioope · 4 years ago

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I for one would REALLY like to see you explain atla, please?

Okay! *stretches fingers* So, full disclaimer, I have never seen an episode of the the series Avatar: The Last Airbender; unfortunately, I have seen the movie, a fact which I forgot until recently. However, there is only one thing I really remember from that, which is the very beginning. (And we’ll see if I’m even remembering correctly.) Also this will probably be hilariously rife with some inaccuracies, that’s sorta the point. My apologies for anything I really egregiously messed up.

So here we go:

The Plot Random Plot Points of Avatar: The Last Airbender based on tumblr posts only

It begins with Aang, the Avatar, who is basically a child. He’s got an arrow tattooed on his head that lights up when he bends because he’s the Avatar? I think. I mean I saw fan art recently of him struggling to tattoo a (his?) child with the arrow, which implied it was actually an airbending tradition (and he’d been too young to learn how to do it but then some spirits helped him and it was all okay and good).

Avatar means he can bend all the elements, air, water, fire, and earth, but I think maybe at the beginning he only knows how to bend air?

Also bending means you can manipulate that element with magic.

At any rate, he was an airbender, but many years (centuries?) before the start of the show, the airbenders were under attack or something so they froze him in ice so that he’d be able to come back and do Avatar things and save the world etc. etc. When he wakes up years later he’s the only airbender left, and this is very sad.

Katara and Sokka, waterbending siblings, are hanging out in a frozen, arctic-like region looking for the Avatar. I mean I think they are also from that area, too.

Also in the area is Zuko, firebender. His uncle likes tea and Zuko is high maintenance. Zuko is the son of the leader of Fire Nation, which is trying to take over the world. He said something to his dad at one point along the lines of “maybe we shouldn’t be so evil” and his dad got mad and burned the side of his face. Poor Zuko. Also Zuko has a sister who is also a jerk. Zula? Azula? Maybe? is her name.

I’m guessing that they all converge (Aang, Katara, Sokka, and Zuko). Aang wakes up from his stasis in the ice. Adventures and hijinks ensue! Highly possible that for awhile it’s Aang, Katara, and Sokka, and Zuko isn’t part of the Gaang (yeah see I know that word) for awhile. And maybe he just like, tracks them? Idk.

But Aang is pretty calm and patient and forgiving so they take Zuko under their wing and teach him to be a better person

At some point Zuko falls in love with a lady in a tea shop. She doesn’t know who he really is which results in some fun reveal hijinks later.

But also people ship Zuko with Katara while others ship Aang with Katara (which I think is actually canon) and these ships are controversial

Also at some point, someone kidnaps Aang’s giant flying pet... dog...?? thing, which is Very Bad for Them because the only time Aang gets furious and dangerous is when you kidnap his giant flying pet... dog...?? thing. Fools. Such fools.

Hmm, let’s see, what else? At some point along the way, they meet Toph, an earthbender who is also blind and also badass. You don’t mess with Toph. Absolutely bad idea.

There’s another plot where Katara gets really angry, I think, and unusually for her, she sets about getting revenge. And Aang sends Zuko to go with her because he knows that Zuko knows revenge doesn’t go well? Something something? There was something about this on my dash a week or two ago but I’m struggling to recall the details. But I think in the end Katara is like that wasn’t satisfying and Zuko is like yep. But he helps her through it. Okay, this definitely feels wrong but I’m not sure where I’m going wrong.

I don’t really actually know many more plot specific things, cuz it’s all mostly scenes on tumblr. But eventually, Aang masters all the elements, presumably they defeat the Fire Nation or prevent them from conquering any more land, Huzzah! Zuko gets a pretty good, fleshed out, long redemption arc.

Oh, and at some point Toph becomes the moon? I really don’t understand that bit but I’ve seen that crop up a few times. How does she become the moon? Does ever... not become the moon? Like turn back into a human? Does she really actually turn into the moon or is it really a metaphor?

Oh also sometimes Aang can commune with the other Avatars, but they are Extra and not always helpful.

Finally, this brings us to the Theatre Scene. At some point, I’m assuming towards the end, the Gaang watches performers act out their adventures in a crowded theatre. This performance is highly amusing to some of the Gaang and then maybe offensive to others who are more sensitive.

Also, I know that there is at least one other person in the Gaang besides Aang, Katara, Sokka, Zuko, and Toph, and it’s a lady, but I don’t remember her name or what she does. I am very sorry to her.

#Anonymous #liz replies #avatar: the last airbender #atla #i'm very sorry #i hope you were amused #btw this should totally be a thing -- describing shows you've only seen on your tumblr dash

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zoe-oneesama · 6 years ago

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I'm sorry if this seems rude, but your treatment of Alya makes me very uncomfortable. This isn't something you're entirely to blame for, as a good chunk of the fandom treats her very poorly (with either ignoring her or reducing her role to "ships the lovesquare"), but the amount of comics and posts you've made about punishing Alya feels a little extreme to me at this point. I understand the salt after chameleon, but everyone was ooc in that ep. Also it's been over a month. (1/2)

I will start by saying thank you for coming to me with your complaints in honestly the nicest way you possibly could, I really appreciate you taking a very calm and critical tone in approaching me with a genuine concern.

I will also point out I can’t think of any comics I’ve made attacking Alya or punishing her, so I’m not sure what you mean by that, but maybe I’ve re blogged someone else’s comic and it’s not coming to mind right now. But I also try hard to tag stuff so people can block the rants they don’t want to see. I guess the probelm is I use the #alya salt tag instead of #anti alya.

And I can agree that Alya’s characterization has gotten out of hand in the fanon vs canon, particularly when we had that long hiatus so fanon Alya bled into the consciousness and confused what actually is canon Alya.

However I won’t apologize for being critical of Alya. I will try to explain my own reasoning for you though so maybe you can understand where I’m coming from.

My two main criticisms of Alya are 1) She’s not a good journalist and 2) She disregards Marinette’s feelings even though she’s her best friend.

The Good Journalist is something that I personally think is a fanon idea. Her being an ethical, searches only for the truth reporter who has integrity about the facts came from the hiatus, and my position on this is supported in canon.

When Marinette’s identity, the secret she holds most dear, is in jeopardy, because it’s Alya who is making the claim, she is unconcerned. If Alya was a threat to her identity (i.e. someone who often had evidence to support their claims) she would be worried, but instead she brushes it off. Like it’s not the first time Alya’s pitched a theory from left field at her. Even Nino laughs right in her face.

Volpina backs this up with her posting an unverified video of Lila claiming to be best friends with Ladybug without getting any sources or evidence that it could be true. In doing this, not only is she reducing her blog to a gossip column, but she is directly endangering this girl by blasting her relationship with a Superhero where anyone could see it. Because her scoop is more important that truth.

There’s also her crusade to find out Ladybug’s secret identity, something that, having established she’s a huge superhero comic fan, she should know the repercussions of. Endangerment of self, friends, and family in the face of a very dangerous super villain. It continues to prove where Alya’s priorities are.

But I actually want to make something clear: Being a bad journalist is not something I hate Alya for. She’s a young, immature girl. She’s wrapped in the excitement of magic and superheroes and is riding the hype to it’s conclusion. It’s partially Ladybug’s fault for indulging in Alya and being biased towards her friend that Alya has the platform she has and the belief in her abilities. And Alya does put a lot of hard work into her journalism, she just needs to do more growing and get a better understanding of what ethical journalism is.

I’m just critical of it because of the fanon warping her into this amazing journalist when she’s just a kid with no self preservation and tenacity.

The Bad Friend thing is what imagine you mostly came here for. And I want to make it clear here as well: I don’t think Alya is a terrible friend. Most of the time I don’t think she’s even a bad friend. But what happened in Volpina, Heroes Day, and Chameleon hit me in a bad way.

In Volpina, we see Marinette express concern about Lila hanging over Adrien and Alya dismisses her to gush over her blog.

I didn’t have a problem with this when it first came out. Marinette knows Lila is a liar only because she is Ladybug and so she knows Lila is lying in her interview. Marinette has a problem with liars AND a jealousy problem that has gone unchecked by Volpina. But from Alya’s perspective, Marinette is being unreasonably possessive and is prone to over reacting. She has no obligation to interfere with Adrien and Lila just because Marinette is feeling territorial.

This only becomes an issue in addition to the other two episodes.

In Heroes Day we get this gem of a line, which is really irritating, esPECIALLY because as a series finale it had to come after Frozer, which proved that Marinette has made great strides in overcoming her jealousy. As her best friend, Alya should be giving Marinette the benefit of the doubt, not Lila. But instead, she doesn’t ask what Marinette’s problem is with Lila she just assumes it without opening discussion about what could be bothering her usually kind and accommodating best friend. Compound it with her dismissal of Marinette in Volpina, and I’m beginning to get weary.

But then Chameleon. Ooooooh Chameleon. Let me count the ways Alya specifically failed as a friend:

1) Kicked Marinette out if her seat without asking

2) Replaced Marinette as her seatmate with her boyfriend without asking

3) Pushing Marinette to the back row seat alone without asking

4) When Marinette claims Lila is lying, Alya asks for Marinette to prove Lila isn’t telling the truth instead of investigating if Lila is telling the truth.

5) Pulls that not apology apology that puts the blame on Marinette for getting upset about the situation.

(gif by @oui-ladybug)

That last on is subject to interpretation, but look at it closely, There’s no “I’m sorry for putting you in that situation without your consent.” No “I’m sorry for not taking your feelings into account.”

This throw away line is like someone saying “I’m sorry YOU got upset.” Like you overreacted. Like it’s your fault you got hurt.

You may say I’m reaching, and I’ll admit my interpretation is probably not a universal one. I’ve made no secret of it in past posts. I have a personal issue with how Alya acts in regard to Marinette’s feelings.

I had a best friend from the age of 5 to 20. Looking back I can find a lot of flaws in our friendship but at the time I thought it was great, mutually supportive and filled with love. Until she started dating. She had a boyfriend her last two years of high school and up to around the time we stopped being friends. She was attached at the hip to him, spending all her free time with him instead of me and bringing him to outings with us without asking me first. I tried to hide my discomfort because I had already almost lost her friendship by throwing up a fuss over her dating him - because he was my ex (first!) boyfriend. But I put my feelings aside because she was really into him and I valued our friendship more than this dumb guy. But apparently I was the only one.

Things went downhill fast when we graduated high school. She and her boyfriend stayed at home and went to a local college (no shame there) and I went to a university 3 hours away. We weren’t going to see each other near as often obviously, but we had always been very good at texting and calling each other so I wasn’t worried. But she didn’t text me anymore. She never called. All contact I had to initiate first. She never made the drive up to see me unless she needed something (she stayed at my place when she wanted to go to the Renaissance Fair nearby my college).

But what hurt most is when I would drive down to see her. I’d drive the three hours, having made plans weeks in advance to make sure it worked around our schedules, only for her to cancel last minute on me. Because she wanted to hang out with her boyfriend instead. The same boyfriend she saw LITERALLY everyday. And it happened multiple times.

She didn’t care what I did for her. She didn’t respect my time or effort or feelings. She assumed I’d be fine with it. She assumed I wouldn’t mind or if I did I’d “get over it” like I always do (get over it as in grin and bear it). She made decisions for me and without regard to what I thought. She just wanted a cardboard cutout to call Best Friend without actually putting in any of the work.

There are plenty of other things that started to bother me about our friendship, but because this is what ultimately ended it it’s what bothers me the most. So I take personal offense with Alya making assumptions about Marinette’s feelings and justifications without asking. I have issues with Alya making decisions for Marinette without asking. And I especially have issues with Alya choosing her boyfriend over her best friend because that hits me personally.

I know Chameleon was OOc for the characters…for MOST of the characters. But Alya? This has been building up. It’s not the first time. It’s just the most egregious time.

And a bonus it’s really annoying that Alya assumes Marinette is crazy jealous when a few of Marinette’s craziest moments are a result of Alya’s insistence or pushing OR Alya tries to steer her away from making mature decisions.

Marinette stealing Adrien’s phone?

Marinette making an elaborate scheme to separate Adrien from his bodyguard to go on a date with him?

Marinette tries to be realistic and help Adrien on his date while simultaneously letting him go?

Alya was one of those cases where one event made me think back really hard about her role as Marinette’s best friend and just what kind of hand she’s had in shaping Marinette’s behavior, and honestly? She’s not the amazing friend I remembered her as in Season 1. Which sucks! Because I lOVEd Alya. A sassy mom friend who takes no shit and gets shit done? A gorgeous POC that pushed her friend to make things happen for herself?! Yes please!

So I still hate on Chameleon, not just for the episode, but for the wakeup call I DIDN’t ask for!!

p.s. the reason I’m still salting on it is because the episode totally failed to resolve Alya’s issues in this episode. i.e. being a hypocrite.

#alya salt #ml salt #my opinion #ask zoe #ml #miraculous ladybug

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