#sorry overexplaining is in my blood

[wonysugar]

self indulgent drabble because 1. writer’s block is truly eating my ass and 2. i just got struck with an idea as i heard an audio and i need to get it out of my system before i lose my motivation.. AND WHAT BETTER WAY TO DO THAT THAN WITH BELLEEE?!?

cw!! cheating(??) just to be safe, fem!reader is dating someone that’s amab! mentions of threesomes, lots, lots of dick mentions and dick sucking, if you don’t like dick at all this isn’t for you i’m really sorry</3

psst, by the way, p/n stands for partner name!

you and your partner have an amazing relationship, and an even better sex life, that much was obvious. although you both were content, you couldn’t help but feel the desire to improve your technique in certain.. aspects, of your love-making, mainly in terms of oral sex.

google was definitely not helping, and you were a bit too embarrassed to go and ask your significant other on feedback after having sex with them (despite how normal that actually is, contrary to popular belief.)

so, naturally, receiving your friend annabelle in your apartment a few days after having scheduled a, in her wise words, ‘important meeting’ wasn’t at all a surprise for you, especially since you made sure that p/n wasn’t at home at that time.

“hii!” belle stepped foot into your home as soon as you opened the door, immediately giving you a warm hug, thankful you even called her in here in the first place.

after politely offering her a cup of water and a bowl of snacks as thanks, she quickly got to work.

“alright, you were too nervous to explain it through text, so go ahead. what are the specifics here?” she asked, comically very serious about this whole thing.

you sighed, feeling the embarrassment leaving with each breath you exhaled, “it’s just— i think i have a problem when it comes to… you know.. my gag reflex, and all.”

“ah, i see..” she hummed, “‘problem’ is definitely a strong word though, no? oral sex isn’t a requirement, you know that better than anyone else, considering you’ve been with your partner for a while with no issues. i’m assuming you just want to learn to get them more riled up, huh?”

you stared, almost innocently, then nodded at the words.

“have you ever sucked dick before?” she continued, speaking as if this were a real professional appointment.

she chuckled upon seeing you reluctantly shake your head, “don’t worry sweetheart, by the time that we’re done, you’ll be able to take cock better than any porn star has.”

reaching for her large, seemingly filled-up backpack you had noticed her holding whilst walking in before digging into it. after a few seconds of anticipation, you saw your friend pull out a medium sized dildo, a slightly longer one and a much larger and more girthy than the previous ones.

“y-you brought stuff!?”

noticing how your blood rushed to your now fully covered face, she giggled, “of course i brought stuff y/n, i don’t think you realize how serious i’m actually taking this.” proceeding to pull out one more interesting looking item, “come on, you asked me for help, right? no need to get embarrassed now, girl.”

so you listened, and watched as she finished up preparing the materials, placing them in a line.

“alright, listen up.” she zipped the bag closed, threw it somewhere on the couch you two were sat on and sat up straight, motioning for you to do the same, and pointed to the first thing, “this is throat relaxant spray, like the name suggests, it relaxes your throat and your gag reflex, making it easier. now, i don’t really use it considering my gag reflex is practically non-existent,” you nodded at her words, your eyes fixed on said spray.

“but i did bring it thinking you’d maybe wanna start off slow just to be safe? maybe get used to the feeling of it in your mouth before going in raw and everything, but it’s honestly all up to you and what you wanna do.”

several minutes of her overexplaining the reasoning behind bringing each sanitized and differently sized dildo later, you eventually chose the format you found most similar to your partner’s and decided to opt out of the relaxant spray, much to annabelle’s pleasant surprise.

it didn’t take long before she stuck the phallic object to your wall and instructed you to suck on it the same way you would any other day. “don’t be nervous, i’m here to help.” she said, and that was somehow enough to put you at ease.

you began to do what you were told, fully aware that her attention was set on you, and you only. your lips wrapped around the head, you sucked and left gentle kisses whilst she watched you work your magic on the dildo. you heard occasional hums from beside you as you kept your mouth around the same area of the dick.

“you’re doing good, but, aren’t you spending a little bit too much time on the head?” she placed, making you pull away from the object before you, “i know you’ll gag, but try to give some attention to the entirety of the dick. here, let me show you.”

she scooted towards you, and you simply stared at her, “oh— we’re using the same.. dildo?”

“..yeah? it’s just a little spit.” her lips formed a smirk, “just watch me, okay?”

you nodded and sat there, watching her demonstrate her blowjob technique and feeling yourself get… weirdly turned on by the sight, instead of feeling ‘taught’, in a sense. the way she slowly worked her way up from kissing and licking the head to fitting the entire shaft into her mouth, almost effortlessly, got you thinking about how she’d give your partner head, guiding you on how to pleasure them further than you usually do— alright let’s not get ridiculous, you internally scolded yourself, leave the dirty fantasies for later, when you aren’t trying to learn from her.

“see how i did that? you can’t just focus on the head forever, that’s why i like to slightly pump the shaft with my hand whenever i’m not throating.”

“honestly just sounds like you’re just trying to brag, at this point.” you joked, faking an annoyed expression. that earned a laugh from her.

then, after a constant cycle that consisted of her explaining things and you doing them, annabelle had taken the dildo off of the wall whilst wearing a mischievous expression on her face. “now, let’s kick things up a notch; get on your knees.”

your eyebrows furrowed and eyes widened ever so slightly at her words, you stuttered, “excuse… excuse me?—“

“i said, get on your knees.”

and despite getting no further explanations, you still, for some unknown reason, did exactly as you were told. now sitting on the ground facing the sofa, you waited for further instructions.

“you need to get immersed.” she paused, then held up the dildo, “so, i’ll hold it for you and thrust it into your mouth while you suck it, alright? i won’t go fast or anything, so don’t worry about that.”

and of course, you obliged.

upon her signal, you immediately applied everything that she’s been teaching you throughout this entire session onto your technique, fueled by her occasional praise.

“remember to use your tongue, y/n.” she reminded, thrusting the cock in and out of your mouth, slowly, watching you as if she could feel it.

“suck the tip and—“ you bobbed your head down onto the shaft, taking in as much length as you could without gagging. “—work your way down, that��s it baby, slowly.”

oh man, that pet name definitely elicited a reaction from you that you did not expect; you felt butterflies in your stomach, almost certain that a pool was growing in between your legs.

she definitely noticed it, too. how could she miss it when you’re looking up at her like she was the one you were sucking off?

“awe, you’re getting excited, aren’t you?” she bit her lip as she tucked your hair behind your ear, “such an eager girl, suck on it baby.”

she let out quiet, airy moans as you worked your magic, in hopes to get you more and more immersed, and while it did, it also did nothing but get you riled up to a great extent. hell, you were practically drooling onto her— the cock at that point. “look at you, not even a few hours in and you’re already doing so good. mmh, you look so pretty taking it, too.”

that went on for a while, and what she didn’t tell you was that that dildo in particular, was an ejaculating one, you found that out by yourself later on.

needless to say, you felt especially different when you eventually walked her out of your apartment an hour later, and she couldn’t help but notice how still visibly embarrassed you were from that weirdly intimate interaction, but she found it amusing, endearing, almost.

“next time, you’ll invite p/n to tag along, won’t you?”

[ghastlybin]

Reader has a strong passion for everything is creepy and dark and she likes to visit old castles and mansions. In one one her trips, she goes in a real beautiful gothic castle but she find the owner: Kim Bora (also SuA is a vampire and they fall in love)

Dude, vampire SuA can on GOD ruin me I am not kidding I don’t even really care for vampires as much as other mythical beings but this is an exception fr and I think I like vampires a little more now that Bora is one SHEESH 🥵 as always, thank you so much for requesting btw!! So sorry if this is late or bad💜💜🫶🫶🥹 ily though but goodnight lol

Pairing: Vampire! SuA x GN Reader

Word count: 1.8k

Genre/contents: Maybe a mixture of angst and fluff? Vampire AU

TW: talks of blood & blood sucking, missing people, implied m u r d e r, cannibal mention but no cannibals involved, I know veins are triggers for some people, these are all just mentions though I’m not detailed about these things but to be safe I will include them here anyway

Note: y’all already know I have to overexplain myself lmao I’m bad at fluff relating to falling in love so please excuse my attempt at it, I also love horror/creepy/dark things so… Yeah. I loved this request sm!! :,) Also also, I lowkey (like 5%) based Bora’s castle off of Castle Dimitrescu from Resident Evil Village because it was a pretty cool & beautiful fcking castle in the game if I gotta say :,) except the window entrance ofc I improvised that shit lol but I hope you enjoy it and that it’s up to your standards, otherwise please please let me know! I’m always open for constructive criticism. 🥹 Adios, until next time

Fck it we’re using this gif again.

On the way out of town, you’ll feel bittersweet, and all the more refreshing, the feeling of leaving the city in your rearview.

Where the roads get narrowly winding and more flora is evident around you and the further the road takes you, you see why you left the city.

And why you may never return.

-

It was beautiful.

The way certain things unsettled most, how with just the right amount of shade you could turn something completely mundane and make it dark.

From the webs of spiders to coffins, to the macabre style contained in the form of artwork, stories, the horror, even.

The eerie allure of the darkness had to it.

The century-old castles, mansions, and even regular townhomes- All untouched and deprived of signs of life, and at the same time they looked lived in.

The haunting beauty of it all.

You were in the chokehold of all things creepy, all things dark, and a deep-set curiosity.

You didn’t mind the way it all made you feel. Some would say you’re just braver than the rest, others would say you’re weird or that you’ve simply just embraced the darkness.

Maybe you were brave.

Maybe they were weird for not seeing the way you saw things.

Maybe you have embraced the darkness.

You were never afraid of the dark.

You loved it. Growing up, you imagined yourself living in a dark castle or mansion that gave everyone in town eerie chills that would unnerve them to look at, and yet they were still very beautiful to look at.

The other kids back then would debate which urban legend they believed Castle Bora held more.

The one where a vampire was living there in that unexplored, untouched, and far from society-castle- where it was meant to be. That Bora was the name of the vampire living there.

Or the one where Bora was a cannibalistic witch that would lure young people into her Castle to feed on their blood to keep her youth.

You argued that that was still a vampire, not a witch at all, and there was a vastly large difference between vampires, cannibals, and witches.

No one ever listened to your explanations.

But you at least knew the difference between the three.

Castle Bora.

Its grand walls encompassed the area, the pointed arches, the vaulted ceilings that were located on the inside, and the grey tint to the exterior topped off the beauty of the castle altogether.

You knew since you were a kid that you would explore the castle.

You’ve explored Castle Handong, Castle Yoohyeon, and even Castle Yubin before it had closed off to the public for reasons unknown.

Castle Bora has been your goal exploration and the day had finally come.

You had enough money for the transportation, you knew the route thereafter that too had been kept hidden from the public after someone had gone missing when going that same route.

An explorer of old castles and mansions, they said.

That only made you anticipate the trip more. The fascination of what was out there with you and this beautiful castle.

You weren’t crazy, and you didn’t have a death wish.

But you were going to explore this castle.

If that meant sharing the same fate? Well, death was never one of your fears anyway.

The long, winding road stretched on as you drove, excitement building up inside of you as you were finally going to live out your childhood dream.

The paved roads turned into dirt, the trees became more close-knit, and civilization was far beyond you.

And there it was, Castle Bora. Home to the late Kim Bora.

You pulled over to a stop just before the road had been cut off before the gates.

The centuries-old castle looked to be well taken care of, to your surprise. You stopped your car and grabbed a camera and a notepad to transfer to your journal later on before heading for the front gates.

To further your surprise, the gates opened with ease, the loud creak it made was the only sound accompanying you in the isolated area.

The main door was locked, to your dismay, but you’ve never been one to give up. Not when you were this close to getting in.

One thing you learned from the other castles was; there is always at least one window unlocked.

Luckily, you found that one window and it let you into a room that exited into something reminiscent of a main hall located on the other side of the main entrance.

You marveled at the sight.

The beautiful exterior, the chandelier that hung in the middle of the main hall with stairs spiraling upwards, and the wallpaper that had been maintained for centuries.

You took as many photos as you could as well as notes to help keep the memory fresh in your mind for later.

You began to ascend the stairs but were immediately greeted by a rough shove back down the stairs.

Luckily you were only two steps up and didn’t fall as hard as it felt.

Your camera was still intact, but it had slid across the slippery linoleum tiles of the main hall along with your notepad.

“Breaking into my castle, taking photos, notes… Who are you and why shouldn’t I kill you right here?”

You were in a trance seeing the woman descending the stairs and hovering over you. Her beauty was mesmerizing in ways you couldn’t begin to describe,

“I didn’t know someone lived here.”

The woman pulled you up to your feet, harshly by the collar of your shirt.

“No one warned you about me?” She bore a hole into your eyes and for a minute, you felt her peering into your soul.

“Bora?” The corners of your mouth curled upwards. “It’s so cool to meet you.”

Bora blinked, taken aback as she let go of your shirt. “Why aren’t you screaming?”

“That would be rude, wouldn’t it?” You fixed your shirt and retrieved your camera and notepad.

“Everyone screams when they see me.”

You checked your camera to see if it was still functioning. “Why?”

You met her eyes right as she snarled, showing you her fangs and running her tongue under the sharp tip.

“You should fear me.”

And you smiled, even more captivated by her.

“I should,” you took a step closer to her. “But I don’t. You are my role model.”

Bora glared at you, but only for a second and out of disbelief.

You were the first human that hadn’t screamed or tried running away from her. The first human she didn’t immediately lunge at and suck the blood right out of your veins.

The first time she had ever been called a role model.

“If you aren’t going to kick me out, might I request a tour of this beautiful castle?” You mentally prepared yourself for the rejection, seeing as you did break in thinking no one lived here.

But Bora accepted.

She showed you around the entire castle and even let you take more photos and notes. She watched the excited gleam in your eyes the further in she took you.

Everything about her castle she thought was average, you treated it as gold. She appreciated that you were careful as to not make any messes and asked her before you took any other pictures.

It was when you had tilted your head to view a sculpture she had on display for centuries, that she saw the crook of your beck exposed and the veins lying under the layers of skin that could be easily broken by her fangs.

And for the first time in centuries, she fought the urge. The craving or need to taste your blood.

The hunger she felt within.

She wanted you.

But she fought it. She fought it because she was your role model.

She fought it because of how appreciative you were during the tour of her castle.

She fought it because you were the first person in centuries that didn’t treat her as a monster.

Bora wasn’t a witch or a cannibal.

But she was a vampire and vampires have needs too.

“Are your fangs real?” You asked.

Bora snapped out of her craving for sinking her teeth into your neck with a nod.

“So you’re a vampire?” Saying that out loud, you felt silly. Who would ask something like that in someone else’s home?

“Yes.” Bora uttered. You smiled, fascinated.

“Cool.”

“It’s cool until you have to watch every mortal you love die before you.”

Your smile faded a little, and a hint of guilt surfaced.

“Do you want to turn me?”

“Absolutely not.” Bora immediately shook her head. She would never wish her condition on anyone else.

The pain and isolation she’s faced.

Even now, meeting you, she wouldn’t consider it. She was beginning to like your company too.

But she would never simply turn anyone.

“Shame. I wouldn’t mind living here forever.” You spoke, closing your notepad as the tour ended.

“Guess it’s time for me to go?” You looked at her expectantly, hoping she would lead you back to the main entrance.

Hearing you say that, Bora felt the isolation over the centuries kicking in again.

You were invested in her castle, you even broke in to see it. That kind of dedication was admirable to her. And now you were talking about leaving.

Possibly never seeing her again.

“Would you like to stay for dinner?” Bora blurted, immediately trying to remain cool.

“I promise, it’s not human meat or blood.”

“I would love to.” You smiled, accepting her offer without a moment's hesitation.

She wondered if you’d still have said yes if it were human meat and blood she’d be serving.

You were someone Bora liked having around, despite you breaking in and her almost pouncing on you first thing.

You were someone Bora yearned for in her period of isolation.

Maybe not you specifically, but someone who didn’t run away screaming in terror. Someone who didn’t seem to care that she was a monster.

It scared her to have met you.

Seeing your face, hearing your voice, the faint scent of your blood as you stood beside her, walking beside her, and how she might lunge at you at any given moment if the urge got too strong.

No.

Bora wasn’t afraid because you were a human vessel full of fresh blood.

She was afraid for the first time in centuries, she felt a beat in her chest where her heart should be.

She was afraid of how alive you made her feel by meeting you.

She was afraid you, too, would leave.

“Right this way.”

Bora hoped you would visit her again.

And with a smile, you would vow to.

-

Back in the city, you’ll smell the pollution of car exhaust and hear cars honking, people chattering, and school or church bells ringing.

And you’ll wish you had never returned.

[riverssongs13]

"You overexplain" "Get to the point" "You talk too much"

Right. And on a daily basis the words that come out of my mouth number less than a sonnet, even less so when I feel particularly silent or when my brain is extremely noisy and loud. How am I supposed to feel when the only time I ever get to physically speak you tell me I overexplain?

Oh, I'm sorry, I tend to make sure my point is clearly taken and not misconstrued by way of vaguely speaking in conjectures that leave so much room for individual interpretations. You say "I know what a fucking lip balm is" but is it specifically the lip balm I instructed you to get from that particular brand with that particular shade of blood red? That's the difference between us. I wish not to get into trouble by pinpointing the exact specifications of what I wish to convey.

This is why when asked, people like me just dejectedly say "YOU WOULDN'T GET IT"

[quackinquack]

Yeah, it’s also unfortunately a matter of Quackity being desensitized to practically any of the shit that’s thrown at him, since he’s been perceived as a “public figure” for so long—and one that used to have a much edgier fanbase at that. He’s talked about it before on older streams, where he basically said that even though people sexualizing him weirded him out or people sending hate/death threats bothered him at times, it’s out of control because it’s the Internet… so he just didn’t see a point in getting worked up about it. Which… I’m glad that he doesn’t let it get to him, but it still sucks that some people just don’t have basic respect for other living, breathing human beings. Like you said, the way that the internet treats minors now compared to how Quackity was treated when he was a minor is worlds apart, despite it only technically being a few years difference.

It is good to see the microaggressions being called out more though, and that personal boundaries are taken more seriously. It’s really clear to see the difference in how even his close friends used to make jokes about his house, how he spoke, cartels, etc. in comparison to now. Like when he gave George a room tour, George was quite decent about it! But you could sorta tell Quackity expected him to make fun of the stone walls and floors. I don’t know, it’s nice to see that this community is at least less insensitive toward minorities than the ones he’s been involved with in the past (with exceptions of course, and not mentioning the whole “weaponizing minority issues just to cancel some cc you don’t like and hurting said minorities in the process” thing…).

So painfully true. I'm a lil desensitized to racial shit too, but not nearly to the point he is, having been a popular Mexican creator for like half his life. Plus with his previously edgy fanbase (which I remember he complained about later pfff L for them)

Yeah you hit the nail on the head. I get that to be in the public eye, especially as part of any minority group, you do subject yourself to a lot of awful shit and you need to have thick skin. But it still sucks that that's how it is - especially since he was a kid for most of it. And ngl I still sometimes lose my mind thinking about how different the treatment of Quackity as a minor was and the current minors 💀💀 its kind of insane lol

So true! Like I'm not gonna claim all his past friends were horrible bad ppl lol because I think some of them grew much like Quackity did and wouldn't participate in some of the behaviors they used to, but the difference in treatment towards Quackity is pretty noticeable imo. Jokes like you mentioned and more were pretty commonplace and honestly they do remind me of some of the pretty insensitive jokes my past white friends would make about me, that I didn't realize weren't okay and made me ashamed until they stopped happening.

Even between the time he joined the smp and now I think a lot of these white ccs are being more careful about what they say (hopefully out of genuine learning and not just a fear of being attacked 😅😅). And I'm reaching into speculating territory now but when those kinds of jokes towards me stopped, I started getting much more comfortable talking about my own culture, issues related to my race, etc, so I'm hoping him suddenly starting to do Spanish streams and interacting with other Spanish-speaking ccs (Rubius!!) is a sign of greater comfort in him as well!

[is-the-snake-video-cute]

Hi, I was wondering if you could give some advice? I've only been keeping for a year so I'm not exactly sure how to proceed and am quite concerned. I have a python who I noticed had a bit of a whistle to their breathing when I took them out, and I haven't noticed any other signs they're due to shed soon yet which in past experience has been the cause of whistling. My first instinct was 'Go to the vet!' but the issue mainly lies in that

1. Though I have enough money to pay for any expenses, I am reliant on my mother driving me to the appointment, and she would not be so eager to do so given that we're currently going through some issues at home and

2. I've gone to the vet quite a lot and fairly recently within the past year, with our last appointment less than half a year ago. Each time other than the first (during which we discovered the original whistle breathing cause was a mouth infection, made me very paranoid about regular shedding signs later on) the different vets were unable to find any issues with the snake or my husbandry, which hasn't changed, and I'm worried if I just go to the vet again I'll just receive the same result

Another thing is that I live in the southern hemisphere and so it is currently getting colder. Though theoretically conditions should be remaining relatively the same, at least as much as I could possibly get it, is there a possibility the whistle is due to that? Such as when some people get sniffly as the weather changes? Because if the temperature shift is not the cause I am legitimately unsure how to continue

Sorry for the text wall, I am physically unable not to overexplain everything, and thank you in advance for whatever answer you grant if any. Have a nice day!

Alright, I don't think it's a shift in the weather causing it. Snakes can't really get sniffles like humans do. My first instinct with any whistles is always to recommend a vet visit, where they can run a blood test (if only as a precaution) to check for elevated white blood cell levels, which are one of the earliest signs of an RI that can be picked up at the vet's.

It's very possible, if you don't notice any other signs, that there could just be a piece of dust or substrate stuck in their nose. Some snakes will also just whistle a bit when they're excited or on the move and breathing hard - how active was your snake when you heard the whistling? It's possible they can also just be in the early stages of preparing to shed, even if they're not far enough along for there to be shed in the nostrils - sometimes the fluid under the skin as a shed comes on can put some pressure around the nostrils and cause a whistle.

All of those non-RI reasons should be very short term and clear up in minutes-hours.

Here are a few signs to watch for that might be indicating your snake is indeed in the early stages of an RI:

Popping, clicking, or crackling noises, along with very heavy breathing while the snake isn't moving

Resting with their head pointing up, excessive saliva, or "drool" around the mouth

How loud is the whistle, and is it consistent? With RIs, I usually hear inconsistent whistles, that vary in loudness and length. With something stuck in the nostrils, though, whistles are usually about the same every time. A whistle that you're hearing constantly as opposed to just occasionally is also a red flag.

Refusal of food and unusual irritability/snappiness

Sometimes a whistle can be benign, but it's always something to keep a very close eye on. Take a look at your snake's other behaviors for anything amiss - you know them best, after all. If I were you, and you're not noticing anything (even little things) amiss with your snake, then I'd wait a short while (like, a day tops) and see if the whistle goes away on its own. If it doesn't, that's when I would take them to the vet.

When in doubt, although I understand your reluctance, I think a vet visit is usually the best option when hearing whistling or other breathing issues, if only for your own peace of mind. RIs can turn very nasty very fast.

[dynyamight]

I've seen a lot of people do it, so if you are up for it~ Ship your moots!

FINALLY. THE AWAITED LIST OF MOOTS IS COMPLETE. sorry this took forever anon!!

now, this is going to be long & i will try not to overexplain my ship pairings. did i take time to think about each paring? yes. but, will they be serious? no. they are dumb & silly.

let the crack pairings begin <3!!

@dekusneakers x BAKUGOU & TODOROKI now you would think? sneakers in a throuple? how come? mmm simple. i couldn’t choose one for her so she gets both. the more the merrier. besides, she deserves love from both sides, kisses on both cheeks. one begrudgingly smooch & one icy kith. as a deku kin, she’s completely satisfied. you’re welcome

@izusun x AIZAWA & ORCA similarly, i can’t have my bestie here with just ONE babe. so, i thought why don’t we get a fatherly figure & a dad bod to give her all the love she needs. so yes, bestie, you two deserves hugs at both sides of you. a twiggy one & a muscly one. the sun needs some shade, & that shade is these men.

@midnightpirates x SUKUNA he’s a mass murderer !! you can’t— oh, but i can. you see, yanna here hates mahito & guess who was the one to fuck up his shit. ah, that’s right, it was sukuna. two mahito an/tis sitting in a tree <3 it’s the perfect match made in hell.

@goth-himbo-dabi x DOCTOR WHO once again, people might wonder: why not dabi? my answer? it’s because my bby here finds the twiggy men attractive. i know, bummer. & you can’t get any twiggy-er than david tennant & matt smith. but which doctor? all of them.

@minisheku x KAMINARI i see you simp for his dunce face. & honestly, who wouldn’t?? also, i originally put sheepku,, but that’s ,, a bit weird. but, here’s the solution. you OWN a sheepku, with kaminari. ah yes, a modern day family unit. & he can entertain you, as well as be a source of electricity for your drawing tablet !! resources !!

@oyavaski x EN you said he was hot literally in your tags earlier in a reblog. so, i am simply gifting you water to quench your thirst. may you two meet in afo, & fall in love in the subconscious of deku’s mind. will deku feel awks? yeah. but like pfft, he’s so whipped for bkg, he’ll forget you two chilling in the corner of his thoughts.

@okworstie x GOJO & WATARI i never have to look up the gojo tag, like ever. because you’re always plastering his face all over my timeline. & yes, this is a good thing. but, the same applies to watari. i have never even seen bakudiez, or whatever it’s called, but apparently he’s aro, & there’s a moth man, & tape hits post limit thursday’s? yeah just keep both, mimi.

@rrandomtthings x AN/TI as one of fellow loyal, amazing bkdks, i think it’s only fitting that you find true love with a bkdk an/ti. create the banti we seek in our community. the enemies to lovers trope is in your blood, written in your deku genes. so, i dedicate the banti movement with this small offering of a ship. may you find diamonds on the minecraft server & build a diamond cabin.

@believeyourgalaxy x ITADORI you two are such cinnamon rolls !!!! super friendly. super kind. super relatable. & together, you guys can pin over megumi. maybe hopefully, sam can help itadori with his low iq brain to finally get together with megumi. because damn, sam can be like “this is my boyfriend, itadori. & this is itadori’s boyfriend, megumi.”

@wrensknight x SHIRAKUMO i didn’t even know it was oboro birthday, until you not only made a public post about to, but made art for him. cloud boy needs that partner to respect & cherish him entirely. & you just treat him so right?? draw him so good?? i hope you can go cloud watching & then later, ride the clouds with him. till death do you guys uh,, you know,,

@b1m0 x MIDORIYA you can't stand when he gets injured, let alone reckless & trying to save the world, when he should literally be saving his own ass. but, that just means you care about him DEEPLY. plus, you both are wholesome people. obviously two cinnamon rolls make a whole bakery !! & who doesn't want a bakery ?? i sure do! wehjw idk why i brought the point here, but just know you two make sense.

@mysterionrising x RENGOKU & VIGILANTE DEKU it’s that enemies to lovers trope once again !! for someone who wrote him off as annoying the first seconds she met him, kenny sure flipped over to the stan side. ever since then, i can only see kenny when i see rengoku. but, you know who else reminds me of kenny. vigilante deku. it’s super fruity that you have an entire bomb playlist for him. so keep him too !!

@kamishima x KIRISHIMA you are the biggest kiri simp i have ever met. you basically ship kiri with anyone who makes him happy. though, you do have a lot of ships, but with kiri it’s different. & so, i was thinking ‘mmm, if bug ships kiri with so many people?? shouldn’t she ship him with HERSELF?’ boom. suddenly both kiri & bug are happy, with a lovely home. my work here is done.

@ckatsudon x LAW LIET did i dig through your blog. why yes. & you know what i found? reblogs & tags dedicated to L. he’s best boy. he’s precious. he deserves a better end. an end with you. mmhmm !! because if we rewrote death note, where you were light, i think L & light could have been canon. & that also would make you happy. & the rest of the entire world

@drfox-kinnie x UNIKITTY i don’t even know the show, let alone who unikitty is exactly. but, you reblogged a banner, confirming your love for unikitty. & so, i am of course doing you a big favor !! she’s bubbly, friendly, & passionate just like you !! & bestie, while i may not know nothing about her, i know you love her. so, maybe you two platonically have a wonderful time, adventuring with the other wholesome characters !! also,, is she big enough to travel on? if so, look i got you a cat car!!

@midorree x MINACHAKO i ship you with another ship. why? because i can. besides, you are like my moot who is genuinely a head leader of the minachako ship on my timeline, & you have steadily been converting me?? but, i also noticed that mina AND uraraka have stolen your heart, & you have yet to fight them for it back. i hope you three can go into a brawl & see who can grab each other’s hands fastest.

@kiribakuxkacchakolover x HATSUME YOU HAVE IT AS YOUR TITLE HEADER. like you are literally having a billboard that calls mei your cutie patootie. &, you ask, & you shall receive. i hope you two can be the dorkiest nerds together, & ramble for eons & eons. i hope i’m invited to the transformer wedding you two will have <,3

@balaroo x MIRUKO like before, you too have your interest out in the open in your title header. but, you see, miruko is a total babe, with confidence & ego & with this stride that makes even the most alpha male quiver. you would be a total wife to miruko’s girlboss energy & that’s why this ship totally works.

@quix-mix x FREDDY FAZBEAR my precious lil young moot, i dug into your blog & noticed you enjoy the fnaf games. & mmm are you perhaps wanting to cuddle a certain demonic teddy bear? well, i approve. he'll fall in love, head over heels, with your art, he might not possess you right away !! might. but, listen, you always do enjoy the villains (; i gotchu !!

@lonely-rabbit x LANCE you said we’re moots & i agree, we are. however, i have noooo idea what even are your preferences. so, i went digging. & it’s such a coincidence that we bonded over our voltron trauma, & yet you still continue to simp over lance. &, like i don’t blame you !!! he’ll always be dumb baby & so all i ask is that you love him, for our sake. & sanity.

[lotrmusical]

and a few more!

the confession of charles linkworth

unsettlement: 6. 'If this poor earth-bound spirit had any communication to make to him, he certainly much preferred that it should be made at a distance' is an amusing character moment for the protag and also sums up my feelings on this story, because my favourite thing about it was the use of the telephone. you KNOW there's a ghost, you've seen it, you know who precisely it is and what it wants, you're waiting for it to phone you, and it's still scary when it does.

homoeroticism: 2. points for being a confirmed bachelor. i feel like this one is a missed opportunity given the themes of prison/justice/confessions/etc.

good story: 7. very solid. couple moments genuinely moved me.

the terror by night

unsettlement: 4. reading someone describe the experience of being afraid without cause is, perhaps, a hard thing to pull off effectively. or rather, this is a decent story that provoked sympathy and interest, but only a couple prickles of fear.

homoeroticism: 4. the fact of their living together is hugely overexplained

good story: 6. satisfying, with some good benson-flavoured sentences, and his trick of giving the narrator a personality through one or two tiny flicks of speech. 'Here are we two strong and stalwart persons, with as much cause for satisfaction with life as any you can mention, letting ourselves behave like worms.'

mrs amworth

unsettlement: 2. sorry, fred - maybe it's not you, it's me? then again, maybe it is you. admittedly i have a preference for ghosts rather than 'creatures' in horror, but you'd think that someone with the talent to write a scary ghost could also write a tolerably scary vampire narrative. and yet

homoeroticism: 5. what a waste of a perfectly good lesbian/gay friendship

good story: 5. i will admit i laughed out loud at her getting hit by a car. i think that should have been the end of the story. instead we slog on through a mundane 'dig up the body in the graveyard and stab it in the heart releasing fountains of blood'. sigh.

in the tube

unsettlement: 7. delightfully vivid and lingering

homoeroticism: 6. please, tell me more about the 'delicately delightful prospect' of being the only one to stay the night with your 'stimulating and suggestive companion' with his unusual perspective and his zest for life.

good story: 6. this is the first one i've ranked as scarier than it is good. priorities. the most 'different' thing about this one is the philosophising on time and eternity that it kicks off with, which i enjoyed enough for what it did to the atmosphere that i think it's a worthy inclusion in what would otherwise have been a fairly basic story. but it's a tradeoff pacing-wise for sure.

catching up on e f benson-posting under the cut

outside the door

unsettlement: 3. this is a perfectly good haunting, if only we'd get to experience it properly. instead he's doing the reporting thing again - let me recount the time my friend told me all about a ghost - and it makes for a tone that's too cosy and knowing to be properly frightening.

homoeroticism: 3. points for bothering to mention that the characters were reading the green carnation.

good story: 4. a bit too much hypothesising on the nature of hauntings for me without thematically connecting it to the specific experience. i enjoyed the characters' bants though

gavon's eve

unsettlement: 4. my immediate reaction to this was 'please, not more pictish roundhouses'. whatever dread a pictish roundhouse holds for fred benson, he is not doing it justice. luckily the actual horror in this one is witchcraft, which is a step up from 'the concept of a pictish roundhouse'; unfortunately i'm a harder sell on witches than i am on ghosts. couple little ghost-y moments though.

homoeroticism: 4. it isn't necessary to read the narrator and his friend as catty gays, but it's also not discouraged by the narrative. points for referring to the handsome scottish man as 'adonis of the north'.

good story: 5. coherent but not gripping

the bus-conductor

unsettlement: 7. i have to go rethink what's un-scary about 'outside the door' now, because this is another 'my friend tells you about a ghost' tale, but this one IS scary. maybe it's just that he deliberately gave hugh the quality of 'good storyteller' and the narrator is keen to listen quietly, instead of piping up with asides. that plus the weirdness and vividness of the imagery.

homoeroticism: 5. first things first: RECURRING CHARACTER SPOTTED - hello again hugh grainger from 'the gardener'! no mention of a wife in this one, so presumably this is a pre-margaret hugh. i do like him. and so, evidently, does our narrator. 'Hugh is about six feet high, and as broad as he is long.' 'I do not care for his theories, or for his similes, but when it comes to facts, to things that happened, I like him to be lengthy.' If You Say So. i would also like to remark on hugh being put in the room that he thinks is ordinarily the narrator's room, because there really was no reason for that whatsoever.

good story: 9. yep! banger! i think this one's had a couple adaptations, and you can see why. it merits it.

the man who went too far

unsettlement: 2. like 'negotium perambulans', this one is very rich with an eerie absence of fear. very strong in atmosphere without trying to evoke shivers. maybe your average 1912 reader would be more disturbed by this one? points given for the moment of horrible realisation that the 'final revelation' may be one of horror. unfortunately (spoilers), when it actually does happen, it's Trampled By Goat. it's hard to pull off horror when you're using phrases like 'frolicsome skippings'.

homoeroticism: 10. ten out of ten!!! what in the dorian gray! i need to go lie down! i can't even pick the gayest quotes, because the whole thing is absolutely sodden with homoeroticism.

good story: 8. this one is making me want to read literary criticism. it's not short and it's not tightly-paced; it definitely wallows. but given how atmospheric of a hammock it's wallowing in, i have no complaints.

the shootings of achnaleish

unsettlement: 2. this one is supernatural-flavoured folk 'horror' and frankly i have a suspicion it's not intended to be scary, because the protagonists are so obviously 'in the wrong' that you really can't help but hope they'll be burned in their beds by the locals.

homoeroticism: 1. nothing going on here whatsoever.

good story: 6. this started off SO strong, and then the ending lets it down completely. premise: great. pacing: great. it would have been so easy to resolve this plot in a way that would actually tie things together. instead it just sort of falls apart. it's infuriating

[tinyboxxtink]

"Doppelganger" *Part 18*

Alright I went back and forth with this one, I even had a whole other idea where to take this, but I ended up here. And you know to be honest I think it ended up working out because it really does explain a LOT. I just did it inadvertently.

Also I hate to ask this but if you enjoy my stuff can you PLEASE reblog it and not just like it? It really helps me out more because more people see it, liking it doesn't really do anything.

I love you all!!!

Part 17

Part 19

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

[OMG I LOVE HIS FACE SO MUCH. I don't wanna give any spoilers but watch it when you read the line that starts: "I don't know what else to do--" . Wait, can you tell it's a face he's making like, he's about to cry because he doesn't know what you expect him to do because that's the context of the gif. It's when Alex is like I didn't do shit blah blah blah and he's like "It's all gonna come out Alex, I don't know how else to help you if you're just gonna be this way! Kinda like Cest La Vie, ya know? Did I overexplain it?]

--------------------------

The next few days consisted of a lot of cuddling and binging, you two in your own little bubble. Rafael didn’t have any big cases at the moment, so he was able to do most of his paperwork and things from home. After a long discussion, you decided that you were going to take the rest of the semester off; at least until things cooled down, people forgot about the whole ‘Nevada’ debacle, and wouldn’t hound you anymore. You were enjoying your bubble when Rafael just had to pop it.

You were in the middle of binging some courtroom drama [DUN DUN] when he turned to you and said:

“...Baby, remember when you said you’d talk to someone…?”

There it was. The other shoe dropped. The music had come, you had to face it.

“I um, yeah…” You looked down and played with the string on Rafael’s HARVARD hoodie you were currently wearing.

“Well I found numbers of some pretty good psychiatrists that deal with PTSD and--”

“Psychiatrists?!” You suddenly sat upright. “Y-You want me to go to a shrink?”

“Well, I thought that’s what--”

“I thought you just wanted me to talk to one of your-- squad, people,” You were starting to panic. You didn’t want some stranger knowing your business; how would you even begin to explain the situation?!

“I mean, if that’s what you want--”

“That’s what I want,” You cut him off. “As long as it’s not Olivia,”

“Okay, whatever you need baby,” He kissed the top of your head.

-----

That next week you had agreed to sit down and talk with Sonny Carisi. Rafael was stunned when you asked to talk to a guy, but you said it made you feel more comfortable for whatever reason. He was seriously hesitant for some reason, but then agreed. The conversation went like this:

“What are you worried I'll latch on to him, fall in love with him like people do with their mentors?” You teased.

“Ha ha….” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He didn’t find it amusing at all.

“....Baby I was just kidding,” You put a hand to his chest. “That takes months-- or y’know, a glance at a photo in a temp office,” You giggled, thinking about how you met and fell in love.

“Yeah no I know,” He gave you a very weird smile. “Just um, y’know don’t get into too much detail about us, okay? Just stick to the Nevada thing,”

“...Um, okay…?” You looked at him curiously.

“I just don’t want my co-workers knowing our personal stuff, carino,” He assured you. Well that made sense.

----

So here you were, sitting in an interrogation room with Sonny Carisi. He looked about as uncomfortable as you felt. Though you couldn’t understand why he would be worried, you were the one ‘on trial’ here.

“So um, Miss Y/L/N,” He cleared his throat.

“Y/F/N is fine, Mr. Carisi,”

“Sonny, please,” He nodded. “So, Y/N-- I uh, so...did you wanna talk about anything?”

“....I mean, you’re the SVU detective here Sonny. Don’t you have a list of questions you have to ask me?”

“I mean, we already know most of it. You were kidnapped by a guy who looked like Barba, you had sex with him a lot--”

“Excuse me?” You cut him off. “Is that what your little paper says? ‘I had sex with him a lot’? I was assaulted, multiple times,”

“Right,” He nodded nervously. “Yeah no, of course I’m sorry that’s what I meant,”

“...Did Olivia write this?” You narrowed your eyes.

“Excuse me?”

“Did Olivia write this report?” You repeated.

“Why would you ask that?” He asked you nervously.

“Because it doesn’t exactly sound like I’m the victim in that report,” You crossed your arms. “It sounds like someone who has a personal bias towards my fiancé, who thinks that this was my fault. That I should’ve known the difference between him and some criminal. Maybe someone who thinks they would’ve known better if they were in the situation. Maybe someone who thinks he should be with someone who knows them like they do,”

“....That’s a lot of assumption on your part, Y/N,” Sonny turned the paper upwards while he dismissed your conspiracy theory.

“...Is it?” You narrowed your eyes. “Let me see it,”

“Y’know these things are private information for the NYPD Y/N, and--” Before he could finish, you swiped the paper from him. You noticed his face go white, he stopped talking. Jesus, did everyone want to protect precious Olivia? You scanned the paper, your eyes went wide when you saw who filled it out.

“....You filled this out,” You said softly, looking at him. He was looking at the floor. “Y-You, filled this out Mr. Carisi,”

“Sonny--” He said in a shaky voice.

“Oh ok, SONNY,” You tossed the paper at him. “You--You don’t even know me. Do you? Have we met before? Did I offend you in some past life?”

“No, no of course not--”

“.....Or have I offended you by dating your mentor--oh my god, your mentor,” You suddenly remembered the conversation you had with Rafael a few days before.

“I...I have to go,” You suddenly stood up and walked out of the room briskly, Sonny trailed behind you. Rafael had been waiting in the squad room to take you home after you were done, you stomped across the room to him.

“Hey, baby done so soon--? What’s wrong?” He looked at you with concern.

“....Were you screwing Carisi?” you growled.

“Excuse me?” He asked in a panicked tone.

“WERE YOU FUCKING YOUR MENTEE BEFORE ME,” You practically screamed, causing the whole precinct to stop and stare. Rafael looked around the room horrified, then glanced at Sonny who had an apologetic look on his face. “He--”

“Oh no no no, don’t blame this on him,” You stood in front of his eyeline to Sonny. “...Is that what you do, Rafael? Y-You seduce your interns and sleep with them? W-Was I just a tick on the wall?”

“NO,” He shook his head and took your hand. “Can we-- Can we do this outside, please?”

“Why? Because you don’t want everyone to know ‘our’ personal life, or ‘yours’?” You huffed as you skulked out of the building.

“Barba I’m sorry, she just--” Sonny tried to explain.

“We are not done with this, Carisi,” Rafael growled at him before he ran after you.

-----

He caught you outside the precinct, breathing heavily trying not to have a panic attack.

“What is wrong with you?” Rafael asked you, making you stop altogether.

“A-Are you serious?” You half laughed in disbelief. “You send me into the lion’s den without any warning, and then I just get to find out that I’m just one of the many--”

“Oh knock it off, Y/N,” He stopped you. “You know that’s not true,”

“It’s not? Then what the fuck was that?”

“Okay,” He sighed. “Okay fine maybe I should have-- insist on you talking to someone else,”

“....You think THAT’S the problem here?”

“Look Y/N. Carisi and I...we... we got drunk a few times, and we-- y’know,” He shrugged uncomfortably.

“Oh God…” You wouldn’t throw up on the sidewalk, you told yourself.

“And he caught feelings from it! I can’t control how he feels!” He gestured towards the building.

“...So does that mean that you ‘y’know’ with Olivia a few times, and SHE ‘caught feelings’ from it? Because I distinctly remember you telling me that nothing ever happened between you two,”

“....Under your spell,” He mumbled.

“Excuse me?” You almost fell over.

“I--” He looked around nervously. “I said that, under your spell. You think that when I was ‘in love’ with you I was going to tell you that I fucked the woman you were threatened by?”

“...Did....did you just use quotes? Did you just air quote you being in love with me?”

“Well I wasn’t exactly under my own free will now was I?” He snapped.

“I can’t...I can’t believe you’re using that against me,” You looked to the side with a dry laugh, refusing to cry.

“Look I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--” He tried to go for your hand, but you weren’t having it. “Look my point was, you and I-- we’re not the same. Our relationship isn’t the same as them--”

“No, it’s not. Because you slept with them WILLINGLY, right? And I just tricked you into it? Like Nevada did with me? Because we’re the same?”

“Alright now you’re just--” He rolled his eyes.

“What? What am I JUST--?” You crossed your arms, upset he wasn’t taking this seriously.

“I thought we were doing all of this to get past this, Y/N,” He sighed in frustration.

“So did I!” You stomped your foot, tears choking your throat. “But--But, what if we can’t? This whole time, this WHOLE time. You--”

“Y/N baby stop--” He tried putting his hand on your shoulder but you backed away.

“You KNEW how bad I felt about doing that to you! You told me that, that I just ‘brought out your real feelings’, but….but that’s not true, is it?” You paced while talking and then paused when you asked the question.

“Yes it is! I mean, mostly….” He added the last part with a mumble.

“Mostly?” Your blood ran cold.

“I mean I thought you were attractive, but I didn’t know anything about you. And--And you didn’t know anything about me, Y/N. You weren’t in love with me either, you had a crush on me. But that day we spent together, it really did make me fall in love with you! After I remembered how I felt, I wanted to keep feeling that way all the time! I wanted to be with you, I knew we were meant to be together after that--”

“Oh my god--” You laughed again, putting your hands over your head. “This is insane. This is...this is insane,”

“Baby look when you think about it the whole thing is insane. But we’re here--”

“No, you’re right Rafael,” You put your hands in between you, preventing him from coming closer. “We are insane. But I thought it was the ‘only in the movies kind of love’ insane. But apparently, it’s just an insane mental institution insane,” You started to walk away but he ran in front of you.

“No. Uh Uh. You’re not walking away from this. Not again, not ever again,”

“What are you gonna hold me hostage now? Like I did with your feelings?” You rolled your eyes, but then it hit you. That was your entire problem. That’s what this all boiled down to. This is what it’s ALWAYS been about.

“...That’s it,” You whispered.

“...What is?” He looked at you curiously.

“...We started this on a lie, I started us on a lie,”

“Wha--- no, no you--” He shook his head.

“I did!” You finally let tears fall. “You just said it yourself, I made you feel those things. You--- you didn’t feel anything more for me than Olivia or Carisi! You just wanted to sleep with me! But I--I made you have romantic feelings for me. And-- And ever since that day, that magical perfect day when I accepted that it wasn’t real, I was right!”

“No, no--” He tried to protest.

“YES, Rafael! And-- and ever since then, ever since you, we-- I’ve always had it in the back of my mind that you’re STILL under that influence! That-- that one day you’re going to realize ‘oh hey you know what I actually don’t give a shit about you, my bad!’,” You began pacing, thinking out loud as it all came to the surface.

“And--And, I just still have it in my mind that I’m not good enough for you, I’ll NEVER be good enough for you! And-- these things just keep happening, that are telling me I’M RIGHT. I couldn’t tell you apart from Nevada, I did things with him knowing it hurt you, I did DRUGS even though on some level I knew it would hurt you, and what it all boils down to is I’ve kept you hostage in this relationship!”

“NO, you have not,” Rafael took you by the shoulders. “I get why you feel like this, Y/N baby I really do. And-- And I’m sorry I wasn’t upfront about Sonny and Olivia but I knew you are already so insecure about our relationship--”

“FOR GOOD REASON!!!”

“NO! NOT for good reason!” He tried not to yell as not to cause a scene but he needed you to hear him.

“Look maybe we-- we started out unconventionally. But that was MONTHS ago, baby. Have I-- have I not shown you time and time again, how much I really do love you? I--I made a fucking flash mob for you, do you know how long that took? How much self esteem did I have to suck it up to perform in front of people again? But I did it for you,” He started to cry.

“I risked my life for you so many times when Nevada had you. I could have just let him keep you. Especially after--” He stopped, quickly noting that bringing that up again was only going to take three steps back.

“I--I dropped everything to stay home and protect you! Do those things not make you feel loved? Do you think that all of that is...is fabricated?” He was the one crying and laughing in disbelief now.

“I don’t--- I don’t know what else to do to prove to you that I love you of my own free will. TELL ME what I can do to prove that to you, and I’ll do it! What is going to prove to you that I won’t leave you, that I won’t suddenly wake up one day and realize I was under some spell all along? Tell me!” He begged you, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“....Marry me,” You finally answered softly.

“....What?” He looked at you quizzically. “Baby I already proposed--”

“Yeah but that’s not definite, Rafael,” You held up your bare hand. “Look! It’s not even real right now!”

“A piece of jewelry doesn’t--”

“It does to me!” You took his hands. “Look, I’m--I’m sorry I am the way that I am, but I can’t change it. I--I need physical proof. I know that you’ve done all of this heroic and crazy stuff for me, but-- but my stupid brain won’t accept that! I need something, something physical. Actual proof that I can look at, to know I’m safe. To know you’re going to stay with me,”

“....Okay,” He nodded, looking down at your hand while rubbing your ring finger.

“Okay?” You asked warily. “You’re just going to accept that?”

“....I’ve put up with all of your other craziness up to this point, have I not?” He smirked.

“Hey that’s not--” You started to argue but he gave you a look. “Alright fine, yes you have,”

“Okay,” He looked up at you with a smile. “I’ll marry you. I’ll marry you right now, we can go into the chapel in the back and--” He started leading you back to the station.

“Wha, no no no,” You cried and laughed, wiping the tears from your face. “Okay I didn’t mean this second. Just...soon,”

“Soon?” He looked at you curiously.

“Really soon?” You bit your lip.

“Like, tomorrow soon?”

“Like….I don’t know, maybe a month? Two? I kind of want a reasonably cute wedding,”

“Not a huge expensive one….”

“Rafael how many people do I know that would come to my wedding? You and Chloe. That’s it. And Chloe will be standing next to me,”

“You have Maria,”

“Maria’s your...mom?”

“Second mom,” He chuckled. “But she could sit on your side. With her husband. And if you go inside and make nice with the rest of the squad, they can sit on your side,”

“...Make nice with the people I just had a meltdown in front of?” You raised an eyebrow.

“...They’ve seen worse, trust me,” He teased.

“...Okay but after that, can we--?” You raised your hand, and he read your mind.

“I’ll call Tiffany's and tell them we’ll be stopping by,” He shook his head with another laugh.

“...Really? Fancy,” You grinned.

“You’re easy to please,” He shook his head with a laugh as you walked back into the station hand in hand.

[walkingshcdow-a]

Things That Happened in the Last Three Days at D&D, According to My Notes

Finnegan’s mage hand carried one of Victor (Trevor’s) molars down into a castle ruin because Victor can use his hexblood magic and own body parts as “bugs” to spy on others. There was minimal, “Mmm, that’s gross, babe,” from Finnegan. 

Once Victor relayed all the info, Carlotta went down alone while Finnegan waited for his BF to come out of his magically induced blindness. This meant Lotta taunted the guards into fighting her and killed one almost immediately, then, looked up and said, “Next?”

Finnegan and Victor join for battle. Victor slices a guard in half. Finnegan, hanging back (because sorcerer and also asshole) is very impressed with his boyfriend’s display of swordsmanship.

For a few rounds, Finnegan fails to hit anything. This wouldn’t have sucked so much if one of the Grells didn’t get its poison tentacles in Lotta. And then Victor. Victor passes his con save, but Lotta doesn’t. Incensed, Finnegan begins to firebolt the shit out of the Grell and critical rolls. That son of a bitch is dead and not hurting his loved ones anymore. 

We go back to fighting cultists but that other Grell is around and Finnegan decides it’s going to be his problem as it comes towards him, except Victor rushes it to defend him and stabs it hard. Finnegan puts the cursed thing out of its misery with a swift Chill Touch and rots it on sight with another crit. 

Victor heals Lotta, who is the only one very damaged. Finnegan? Not a scratch. The perks of speciailizing in ranged fire magic. 

Victor realizes the weird symbology the cultists wear match nothing recognizable. 

We find a study and look for useful things. Lotta and Finnegan study a book call “Retribution of the Ancients” and Finnegan gets to tell the party religious facts that don’t have to do with the Selandrine for once. He still defers to Victor for more knowledge because of course. 

Victor finds a chime of opening... and a secret passage full of a cult sweatshop. No thanks. 

We go the other way and find a room with a very dodgy summoning canvas and dozens of bones upon it. While Lotta runs back upstairs to get the book, Victor and Finnegan move the bones off the canvas and discuss the horrors of the cult. They agree Finnegan should take the canvas to disrupt the ritual, since none of us can figure out how to make it summon a friendly god instead. 

We go down the hall and find a prison filled with townsfolk and the knight we met at the beginning of the game. There are also students under instruction by a cultist. One of them looks familiar - the innkeeper’s son! Victor tells him his father wants him to come home and rolls a Nat 20 persuasion. The young man is ready to come with us... but his teacher refuses to let him. We fight.

It’s a short fight. Lotta kills the teacher and hits a cultist. Finnegan “holds” (re: paralyzes temporarily) the other two cult students and tries to persuade them that if they stop fighting, they will let them live. Somehow that works! 

Finnegan asks the baby cultists their names. One, Tayathanu almost refuses to give her name because she sees it as a sarifice for her god. Victor tells her that any god worth serving will never ask her to give up her identity because that god will see the value of her. The other one, Steven, just came for the free spaghetti dinner and has been stuck here. He’s glad to leave. We try to reason with Teyathanu but she has gulped down some of that Kool-Aid. We also try to heal Steven, but we’re not good at it, so Victor tells the innkeeper’s son to take everyone to the healer. Lotta opens the cell with the chime of opening. 

Finnegan recognizes one of the women as the mayor’s sister, Yaeda and she probably has pneumonia and is #Done with this shit. He tells her that her sister is waiting for her and she says, “No doubt with a lecture.” Lotta accuses her of being pregnant with the cult leader’s baby. She (probably?) is not but is definitely insulted. 

As they go through the halls, Victor keeps finding rooms full of bones. Somewhat petulantly, Finnegan says he doesn’t want to go into another bloody room of bones - mostly because he’s carrying the summoning canvas. However, it almost sounds like he thinks Victor trying to perform funeral rites isn’t worthwhile so they squabble. Finnegan has instant regrets, but what’s he gonna do? Overexplain and apologize? Of course not. Instead, he snarks with Lotta in the hall, asking what witty one-liners she plans to use when she kills Vialis. 

The go into a small room and find chests filled with weapons and personal artifacts from the prisoners. Victor takes Sir Veckan’s longsword, the money, and the fancy earrings. 

In the hall, Finnegan invokes his Inspiring Leader Feat and tells the other two essentially that they are badass and there is no one he’d rather kill cultists with. (I didn’t write down what he said). This gives everyone temporary hit points. 

Lotta invokes her Master of Intrigue Feat to disguise herself as a cultist.

Finnegan makes himself and Victor invisible and then sends him a quiet message: “I’m sorry.” Victor finds his hand and holds it in the quiet before battle. 

Finnegan and Lotta stealthed into the "chapel”. Victor went unnoticed by the sheer distraction of the cult leader and his followers. 

Victor shoves a long sword into Lord Vialis, the cult leader. Lotta shanks Vialis. Finnegan shoots scorching ray at Lord Vialis, a Grell, and Faerl, his archenemy who wanted to byuy his house. Vialis is barely standing and Faerl passes out. 

The fight continues until Vialis stuns the party, blinding Lotta in the process.

The effects of the stunning wear of and Finnegan casts scorch ray at the fanatics and Faerl and kills Faerl. He then turns to the cultists and grins menacingly. “That was satisfying,” he says. “Don’t try me.” He successfully intimidates them. 

The battle continues for a few rounds. Lotta stabs Lord Vialis with her rapier and pins him to his own altar. “This is for Sarah,” she hisses. “Sarah?” he sputters and then dies. 

The cultists and grells continue to fight the party, even without a leader and are shown no mercy. 

When the enemies are nothing but blood and corpses, Finnegan takes Faerl’s hat as a spoil of war and heads north. As he leans against a wall, hoping to look cool for his boyfriend, Lotta rings the chime of opening and he falls backwards into a library. Everyone sees him look like an idiot. Then, Lotta and Victor explore another secret library that opened up. The find Vialis’ journals and his family’s ashes, which he’d been using as an arcane focus. Finnegan finds books. 

Over the next few days, there are celebrations in Greenfast for those who have been freed from the cult. While the party clean out the libraries for interesting books, Finnegan asks Victor about vacationing in Greenfast one day and they joke about building a summer home. Funerals are held for those sacrificed by Vialis. Then, upon returning to Waterdeep, the party hosts a funeral for Sarah and the Yellowcrests. Their ghosts appear to say silent thank yous.

Victor says to the party, “If anyone should ask what happened, we shall tell them the greatest story of how Sir Veckan of the Broken Helm defeated the Cult of the Burnt Tongue.” and Lotta and Finnegan, who have too much vested interest in no looking like they killed a Waterdhavian noble eagerly agree. 

@professor-of-predators - DM

 @tinfoiltemplar​ - Victor Trevor

@dirusso - Carlotta Dirusso

@walkingshcdow - Finnegan Silverguard

[thedistrictsleepsalonetonight]

Better with you

This is the way of things:  

Riley falls in love with Harper. Harper breaks her heart. Harper falls in love with Abby. Harper marries Abby. Abby has a friend. Riley falls in love.

In retrospect it both annoys and amazes her how Harper conditions so much of her life. If she imagined her life in the form of roads as complex, as confused and as diverging as the lines on her palm, there are probably multiple signboards that have Harper’s face on them, with some strange quote written beside them along the lines of “Hey! Been a while since you thought of me, the girl who ruined most of your life hasn’t it?”.  

Riley hates it.

Okay, so in all honesty, she hates it until she crashes into Maya.

*****

Here’s the thing about Riley: She’s stupid around the people she loves.

How else does one explain all her major life decisions? She stays quiet when Austin Thomas spray-paints “Dike” all over her locker (even through the shaking, and the trembling and the huddling in a bathroom cubicle in the morning, what has her more concerned is what it’s probably doing to Harper. Well, that, and the fact that dyke is hilariously misspelled). She watches Harper from across the corridor, biting her lip, holding onto her left arm with her right hand, and hates that she still wants her so badly that she can’t breathe. She hates herself for loving Harper, hates her heart for betraying her in this very fundamental way, hates it for not being able to think rationally enough.

(The thought makes her laugh. What brand of love was ever rational?)

Even after she’s adequately moved on, has fallen in love a second time, the third, the fourth, she can never really bring herself to do that. The thought of Harper will evoke all forms of insufferable feelings ranging from sorrow to nostalgia. Not fury, though. Never fury.

She walks out of high school with excellent grades, graduates med school top of her class, gets into the one of the best residency programs in her state, all in a misguided attempt to compensate for this huge cosmic failing she’s somehow been saddled with. If life handed out academic report cards, chits of paper with affirmations engraved on them, then the ones she would give her parents would read Your child is doing great; She’s sorry she’s gay. Your child is trying her very best. A tiny PS at the bottom right corner would say – Love her. Please.

And she comes back, every year, to those stupid White Elephant parties, combats side-glances with polite smiles, off-hand comments about how her peers are heterosexually married to their heterosexual partners with grimaces. Brevity helps, and so does a glass of wine on her at all times.

And then Harper brings Abby, one Christmas.

*****

She’s not going to deny that she has a little bit of a crush on Abby.

Come on. It’s Abby. She’s a lesbian dreamboat with some serious hair-game and the gayest sense of dressing she’s ever seen on anyone. How is a girl supposed to not like that earnest smile and deep, soulful eyes?

(But Abby’s earnest smile unfurls like a ribbon when it falls on Harper, and her eyes tell stories that seem to end at Harper, and Riley knows that in some rudimentary way, Abby has always, and will be always belong to her girlfriend.)

“Dude, we have to stay in touch,” Abby says, the morning after the party, when they run into each other. “I’m gonna need support at the White Christmas party next year. So, I don’t accidentally use the wrong fork and then embarrass myself.”

She laughs, enters her number into Abby’s phone. “I can’t promise I’ll be able to text all the time, because, well — hospital hours. But I will try.”

Harper, standing beside Abby, shoots her a tiny, strained smile. Things will never be great between them; there’s too much spilled blood, and angry tears that lie in this chasm, but this is maybe a tiny start to bring matters back to the way they were when it all started. Polite. Nice.  

Abby texts her — “I can’t believe I survived the Caldwells” five days later, and Riley has no idea at the time, but good things are on their way.

*****

“Please, please, please, please, pleeeeease,” Abby begs her over the phone. Riley is pretty sure she’s actually holding her hand out in supplication.

“Can’t you just give her flowers and chocolate like a normal person?”

A dog barks on the other end, and Riley imagines her walking dogs on the streets. “But I know this is something she really, really wants!”

“An obsolete book that’s only found in a bookstore in New York?”

“Yes!” Abby replies. “Wait, hang on. John, tell her how important it is.”

Some muffled noises, then John’s clear, deadpan voice is audible. “Hey Riley,” he says, sounding disinterested as always, “How are — wait, lemme at least ask her how she’s been, how life in New York has been, if there are any cute guys in her hospital—”

Riley stifles a laugh.

“—yeah, yeah, okay. Fine. Riley, this woman really wants it, God knows why. So I’ll be in New York this weekend. I’ll come with you to that store and then bring that book back.”

“So why do I have to come?”

“Because,” Abby sighs, like it should be obvious, “I don’t trust John.”

Weekend. Sleeping in. Riley closes her eyes, whispers a Rest in peace to a previously perfect weekend.  

“Fine, I’ll do it.”

*****

The woman nearly scares her out of her wits.

She’s split up with a still-woozy-from-his-flight John as he’s set off to find the book, and thumbing through the random paperbacks on the Fiction shelf, when a voice interrupts her musing.

“I wouldn’t recommend that one,” Riley hears, and whirls around, wide-eyed.

A woman steps out of the dark corner, hands held up as if in warning, an apologetic smile on her face. “I’m sorry,” she says, awkwardly, “that I — I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Riley shakes her head, waves a hand to tell her it’s alright. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Oh, you know, the usual. Pretentious. Definitely sat with a thesaurus. Too many men.”

The tiny detective that sits at the back of head, the one that registers women, and says “It’s elementary, Watson” every time it sees behavior that might be not-heterosexual, goes off with a ding.

“Too many men is a problem,” she admits, wryly, broadcasting her own message in case there was a willing audience. I’m gay I’m gay I’m gay. “What would you suggest?”

The woman steps into the light, slow enough so Riley knows she’s going to enter her personal space. She picks out a book from the top shelf easily, holds it out in front of her.

This close, Riley can’t help but stare. She’s taller, with dark hair that falls just past her shoulders. She’s wearing thick glasses, and behind that, her eyes are tiny and smiling. Riley smiles back, a little awkwardly. Looks at the book, then laughs.

“Sorry,” the woman chuckles, pointing to the copy of Midnight Sun that she’s just handed over, “Little joke.”

They’re still smiling at each other, when John ruins it all by exclaiming “Maya!” from behind her. And that’s when Riley discovers how easy it is to manufacture meet-cutes. And that she really, really hates Abby Holland.

*****

“How dare you?”

Abby sighs on the other end. “Is that a rhetorical question?”

John, who is currently scarfing down a hotdog, mumbles his apologies into the speaker.  

“I tried.”

“You didn’t even try,” Abby retorts. “What was the one thing I told you? Don’t let her on to the fact that you know Maya. And what did you do?”

“My best.”

Riley snatches it from him. “Don’t you think it’s a little weird of you to be setting up your girlfriend’s ex-girlfriend with your friend?”

(Just saying the whole thing aloud makes her head hurt)

“Harper doesn’t mind,” Harper’s reserved yet slightly amused voice comes, a little muffled. “Because Harper thinks it’s hilarious.”

There had been three rules, three rules that she had laid out for Abby at the very beginning, when their friendship was still in its tentative stages. One, no weird conversations about Harper. Two, no weird medical questions about fingers. And three, no setting Riley up on blind dates.

Riley had dodged Abby’s attempts to break rule number three about five times already.

(Who knew one could have so many single, willing and Sapphic friends in New York city? Part of Riley was annoyed; the other part was impressed)

“It’s not going to happen, you hear me?” she enunciates. “Absolutely not.”

*****

Riley doesn’t know why she’s back at the bookstore.

Well, she does. Officially, that is. As she had told John already, she hated the idea of things being so awkward, and that Maya must’ve felt that she was rude for clamming up after the whole story came to light, and that she definitely ought to go clear things up with her, let her know very politely that it wasn’t in the cards. John had uh-huh-ed and mm-hmm-ed and nodded until she got annoyed at herself for overexplaining. It was simply a courtesy call, that’s all. Nothing more, nothing else.

(If part of the reason she wants to go back is because, after a long, long time, she went to sleep with someone’s face in the back of her mind that night, kept replaying that certain someone’s voice over and over, it is none of John’s business. Or Abby’s, for that matter.)

It was crazy. Crazy. They’d had one conversation, and part of it had been after Riley had found out she was supposed to be set up, and thus had been filled with Maya trying to ease things over. There was no reason she needed to be thinking this much about someone.

(Not that she was. Thinking that much. About a woman. Just a regular amount)

“So wait, let me get this straight,” Maya looks right at her, “You came all this way to tell me that you don’t want to go on a date with me?”

Well now Riley just feels stupid. “Yes.”

Maya tilts her head a little. “Okay,” she says, “Just out of curiosity, what’s your problem with being set up with people?”

Oh, this she can answer. “One, the general awkwardness with your friends if it doesn’t work out,” she ticks off on her fingers. “Two, too much pressure to make it work. Three, I’m not—”

“—yes?”

Lovable. Bearable. Worth it.

“—looking to date?”

“What qualifies as a date to you, though?”

“A meal shared with romantic intent. Holding doors open, pulling chairs out. You know, the drill.”

Maya seems to be mulling it over. “Alright,” she says, nodding slowly. “What if.... what if two people were to spend time together with no food, no holding doors open or pulling chairs out? Technically that wouldn’t be a date, would it?”

Riley has to bite at the inside of her cheek to smother the smile that’s threatening to set up home on her lips.

“No,” she replies, “It wouldn’t.”

*****

This is what not-dating Maya is like.

It’s tired half-hour phone conversations at odd hours of the day. Riley doesn’t have a lot of time free, but she doesn’t go to sleep without talking to her at least once. She falls asleep to Maya nerding out about the books she’s read, about how she wants to own a gay café, about how she saw the ugliest shirt on a discount store window, bought it, and couldn’t wait to put it on. Wakes up to texts that read “Okay I know you fell asleep but I can’t, so I’m just gonna rant about random shit you can read about when you’re up, okay?” followed by some inane discussion on whether her pillow would be a salad or a sandwich if it could be eaten. It’s stumbling on the streets, half-carrying a drunk Maya as she navigates the confusing maze of New York avenues, and insists on having pizza wherever she goes. It’s bright smiles shot across coffee shops, tired rants before bed. It’s easy.  

It’s so easy that Riley has no idea what to do.

“Can you keep a secret?” she asks John on the phone, right before she tells him what’s been happening the past month.

To his credit, he listens to the whole thing before he says something monumentally stupid.

“A whole month and you haven’t had sex? I thought you had game.”

“Oh, fuck off. It’s not like that.”

“You don’t want to have sex with her?”

She’s blushing. “I — I do,” she says, feeling hot all over at the very thought. “I just — it’s not — not what’s important.”

“No, I mean, seriously” he says. “What do you guys even do? Stare at each other’s faces all day?”

“I wish I could stare at her face all day,” she says, before she’s even thinking about it. “Her face is all.... nice. Pretty. Oh God.”

“Oh God is right, darling,” he sounds amused. “You got it bad.”

“I do not — got it bad.”

“You do.”

“I do not — ugh fine.”

“Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that you do got it,” he proposes. “What are you going to do about it?”

Riley takes a deep breath, lets it out. She has no answer to that.

*****

The next day, Maya says, sheepishly — “I guess you finally told Abby, huh?”

“Wait, what?” she’s confused. “Told her what?”

Maya blinks, awkwardly, waves a hand between them. Realization dawns.

“I told John!” Riley tells her, furiously. “That asshole must have told her.”

Maya shrugs a shrug that seems to convey how stupid it was to trust John with keeping secrets from Abby of all people.

“But also,” Riley frowns, “I thought you must have told her already.”

“Nah, I hadn’t.”

“Why not?”

Maya shrugs again, hands in her pockets. “I didn’t know if you wanted her to know.”

And see, it’s this consideration that leaves her lacking for words. Maya is effortlessly considerate, to the point where she wouldn’t say something even if it was bothering her. She’s constantly putting Riley’s needs in front of her own, constantly worried about how she feels and Riley is just. She’s just—

(The word grateful, smitten pops into her head. Refuses to exit)

“You’re nice,” she says, because other adjectives would be too revealing. You’re amazing. You’re beautiful. You’re probably the light of my life.

“I’m only nice to you, Riley,” Maya admits, very frankly. Riley kind of wants to ask her why that is. She’s kind of scared to ask her why that is.

*****

“Just ask her out, already, jeez.”

“I — I can’t,” she tells Abby, sitting at the park, phone in her hand.  

“You like her,” Abby states. “She likes you. I don’t see what the problem is.”

“She likes me?” Riley asks, knowing that she’s probably giving away all her hope in her voice.  

(Okay, in some weird, convoluted way, she knows Maya likes her already. She’s not completely useless, contrary to popular lesbian stereotype. Just an—

“-Idiot,” she hears, a deadpan chastisement that she rolls her eyes at, “What are you even waiting for?”

“I — I’m not — I don’t know, okay? I’m not—”

The ghosts of her ex-girlfriends in the background, go — Good at being emotionally available. Good at being committed. Good at loving people. Good.

Abby stays quiet.

“I don’t think I can make her happy,” Riley says, finally.

There’s the sound of a sigh on the other end. “What if you already do?”  

*****

“Again,” she says, as she’s walking backwards, “I am so, so sorry.”

Maya, who has been waiting for her to get done with her surgeries since two hours now, and will probably have to wait another couple of them, waves her phone in the air, laughs. “I’ll read a book until you get back, okay? Go do your thing.”

She’s on an ob-gyn rotation, but thankfully, the delivery goes smoothly. And a good thing it is, because her head is all over the place. Two warring factions are on a rampage — one that’s raring to go tell the girl of Riley’s dreams that she is, in fact, that girl of Riley’s dreams, and the other equally strong battalion that is standing there with flags raised, flags that read – But what if it goes wrong?  

Here’s the second thing about Riley: Love barely ever goes right around her.

Oh, she’s dated people before. Loved them, adored them. And yet, things always start falling apart after a while, start shattering into pieces. Honestly, she doesn’t even blame them. Who wants someone who barely has time to talk for an hour because she’s almost always busy, who is ridiculously tired most days, and barely has the time or energy to grow a relationship?  

(So it will happen when it happens, but also, when it happens, Riley has a tendency of scrambling for cover)

She walks into the main hall with the paperwork, and stands at the nurses’ station, lets out a deep breath.

“Your girl tuckered out an hour ago,” Shaqueel tells her, leaning against the table, casually interested. She can see the rest of the nurses leaning in for better quality audio.

“Not my girl,” she tells him, fighting to keep a straight face.

“Really?” Julie asks, face resting on her elbow, an expression Riley can only describe as sappy on her face. “Because she would like to be, that’s for sure.”

Riley turns to Danny. “I told you to make sure none of these,” she waves a hand towards all of them, “busybodies talk to her!”

He shrugs. “What can I say? They were determined.”

“Useless,” she says, already walking away. There’s so much damage control to be done.

Danny texts her a “She’s a keeper”, as she’s walking, and even though she’s mad at all of them, part of her is inclined to agree.

*****

Maya is sleeping.

Riley knows the tone in which she’s thinking this is certainly not the one two strictly platonic buddies would take while referring to each other and yet the tenderness seeps in, anyways. She looks at the hair falling over her askew glasses and wants to brush it off; looks at her dozing with her mouth open and the sight is such a perfect mixture to utterly absurd and adorable that she wants to wake up to it in the morning. Every day.

She takes a deep breath, presses at all of her wants and urges until they’re packed, once again, in the already filled box related to all things Maya in her head. Kneels so she’s almost at her level, and gently taps Maya on the shoulder.

(Waking up comes as beautifully to Maya as do all things, and Riley is most definitely an idiot in love)

“I’m sorry I fell asleep,” she says, softly, her eyes still squinty from the last remnants of her nap.

“Don’t apologize,” Riley replies, equally as soft. “I fall asleep all the time on the phone.”

“Eh, you save babies. It’s alright.”

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting so long.”

“Riley,” Maya tells her, very seriously. “I would wait a lot longer for you.”

(And because being stupid is a fundamental quality of Riley being in love, there’s absolutely no way she isn’t swooning at that, inside)

She’s sleepy and tired and stupid right now, so it’s probably coloring her judgement, but she’s done caring. Riley Johnson is not letting this one get away.

“Would you,” she starts, slowly, “consider waiting two more days so you can take me out to a fancy restaurant on Saturday?”

There’s a light in Maya’s eyes that she can only classify as hope. “Depends. Would you open the door for me and pull my chair out?”

Riley’s smiling so wide her cheeks hurt. “Absolutely.”

“Well, then,” Maya says, leaning in, “It’s about fucking time.”

[shroudedhero]

Mobile Friendly Rules

Since I did it for Kurai’s info, here’s the rules (the updated ones)

THESE ARE JUST A FEW GENERAL THINGS I FEEL ARE IMPORTANT TO BE ADDRESSED BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, SO PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ THEM.

I know they seem long but some of it is also just information I thought was important for you to know before interacting with me. NOTE: THERE IS A PASSWORD FOR THIS BLOG DUE TO SEVERAL PAST BAD EXPERIENCES WITH UNTAGGED TRIGGERS (and it is the ONLY reason I have a password. I won’t throw a fit if you don’t send it, but I do usually feel more comfortable if you do).

Also another small, but extremely important note beforehand: Due to my autism, I tend to try to be extra clear (but also sometimes manage to be less clear in the process), or in my head it is clear, but to other people, it comes across entirely differently, but I’ve been informed this makes my rules sometimes come across as more aggressive, exclusionary, or mean. So I will say this now. I am actually a MASSIVE fluffball. Quite literally. The tone they come across is mainly due to overexplaining however I have tried to edit them and have yet to find a way to redefine my rules in better wording that I am happy with and that feels like it covers everything while actually being properly clear (but whenever I finally think of the right wording, I usually update my rules). So just approach them with the knowledge I am actually legitimately a sweetheart and my brain just sucks at actually wording stuff.

If you followed me over here when I moved Kurai’s BNHA verse to this blog, I removed and edited a couple of rules so please read through them again.

- ★ First and most important thing is that the mun has a very serious cannibalism trigger, which includes ANY form of people being eaten (including animals or monsters or any such other creatures eating people). (Excluding vampires, as that doesn’t typically involve the eating of human flesh, and rather simply blood itself (I am COMPLETELY fine with blood and general dark and gorey things). Zombies however, are included). As such, please tag all SNK or Hannibal related posts with such things in them, even the ones without such scenes in them, due to the fact that these two shows/fandoms are the reason I learned I have this trigger, and so the entire thing now can cause my trigger due to association, and memory connection to it. Also I ask that you tag any other shows/fandoms/gifs with such things in them as well. Please and thank you very much. My blacklisted tags are: SNK, Shingeki No Kyojin, Attack On Titan, AoT, tokyo ghoul, tg, Hannibal, Cannibalism, tw: cannibalism, parasyte, tokyo ghoul, twd, the walking dead, walking dead, zombies, and hunting trophies.  Any form of these (capitalization does not matter, however spaces do) will be caught by my blacklist, so I would appreciate it if you’d use one of these for those posts (though I am also happy to add other tags to it as well if you have a specific system you use already). Also suggestions for other possible blacklist tags that I may have forgotten are much appreciated. Also as an added note, I will not follow, RP with, or associate in ANY WAY, any blogs that have to do with my triggers. (Multi-muse blogs can sometimes be okay, this more applies to blogs that post SPECIFICALLY about the fandoms that trigger me). If you are a multi-muse blog that has characters from these fandoms, all I ask is that you be sure to tag them with the fandom they are from, with one of the tags in my list, and tag any of the triggers. We’ll be perfectly fine if you do! If you don’t, I may eventually unfollow, just to avoid seeing unintentionally triggering content.

- Secondly, I am open to RPing smut, (either aged up, or not, since whether we like it or not, teenagers do indeed end up doing it), however it likely will not happen much since this muse is underage, and will only happen if both myself and the other mun are okay with it and have agreed to it. (Again, chances are slim.) I do prefer however if our smut RPs are placed under a read more, if at all possible.

- ★ I am autistic. I know I don’t seem like it at first, and sometimes it’s hard to tell, however I am, and I also have ADHD, and it does affect the way my mind works with things. Sometimes having things done certain ways makes all the difference between if I can do something or if I can’t. If it sounds like I want to do something, but seem to struggle with figuring out how, please feel free to make suggestions, or start the thing yourself! It’s actually REALLY helpful when I get stuck. My being autistic can also affect who I can roleplay with, and how I roleplay, and how I think. Please keep this in mind, and try to be understanding. If something bothers you, or you don’t understand something, just ask me! I’ll do my best to explain, or fix it.

- Though it may not always seem like it, I am VERY shy and awkward. I’m actually legitimately terrified of new people, and trying to talk to people I haven’t spoken to before, or very much yet, almost makes me feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. If you want to RP with me, please message me! Chances are I’d LOVE to chat with you and RP with you, I’m just too terrified to talk to you.

- I struggle with chronic depression, and sometimes I may disappear for a while if I have a spell that gets particularly bad. Please be patient with me, as I will never forget about you and will always return. Also since it needs to be said, I also have EXTREME, doctor diagnosed anxiety. Sometimes it gets the better of me. Same with depression. Sometimes I have bad days. So I vent, and get frustrated with things. Little things bother me a lot more than they would on a normal day. If you can’t handle that or are going to be a hypocrite about it then please just leave right now. I don’t need your negativity. I have enough unwanted of that in my head as it is, which I combat and fight against every day.

- I am a multiship/multiverse blog, however my muse will be very selective with shipping for the time being however I am still happy to discuss ships and will happily consider them. Also a note, that I will ship with multiples of the same character, if the mun of those blogs wishes to ship with me. I find each relationship is different, seeing as each mun plays their character a little differently.

- I will do crossovers sometimes with fandoms I am familiar with. Crossovers always depend on my mood and how well my muse can interact with a character, as well as how well I know the series the character is from. Please forgive me if I choose not to roleplay a specific crossover. I still like you, I promise. If you’re unsure if I know your fandom, just ask! I do know of a lot of fandoms, so there’s a good chance I might.

- I ship based on chemistry. Sometimes I can develop a ship quickly, especially if I know the other muse’s personality well, and know they will mesh well with mine. Other times, a ship takes time for me to develop. Please be understanding and patient with me on this.

- Do NOT under any circumstances, force a ship on me. I am usually quite good at expressing ships I am okay with, and it will usually show in my writing. If you are unsure if I ship something or not, feel free to send me a message and ask me. Most of my characters have their own way of showing interest in someone, however most are usually pretty clear in expressing it in some way. Sending memes for interaction is fine for anyone whether we have interacted or not, and I will usually reply to those, however do not force a ship on me outside of that. If one develops between our characters, then fine. However that is a MUTUAL thing, so I do not take kindly to someone just deciding something is a thing. If you want to try to build one between our characters, then go ahead. Just please show me respect. That is the biggest and most important thing with me, is respect.

- I will write anything from 1 liners to multi-paragraphs when I RP. I usually stick to 1 or two shortish paragraphs, and that tends to fluctuate or shrink depending on how much information is needed to describe a scene. If we start out with a shorter paragraph, and I make a reply a fair bit longer, I will likely revert back to the shorter paragraph again within 1 or 2 replies. However you are welcome to write however you wish, just as long as you can give me something to go on. (A one liner in response to a 10 line paragraph for example, I will struggle to reply to.)

- I do not tolerate anon hate of any kind. Not towards myself, nor towards others. I will respond to it in a way that will make the sender feel rather like an idiot, and I am very smart and capable of doing so, so please be advised of that, if you intend to do so.

- I will RP more violent NSFW RPs, and other dark topics (I absolutely LOVE angst), however ONLY as long as I am in the mood for them. The mun of this blog is (well) over 18. Everything though that might be triggering, will be tagged, and if there is something that you need me to tag, or if I forget to tag something, please feel free to tell me. Just try to do so right away or else I can forget which RPs or replies to tag depending how long it goes since I posted it. My memory is pretty fickle with what it chooses to remember without some nudging.

- ★ I am better at roleplaying ships with males (BoyxBoy/Yaoi/etc), due to being more familiar with it and having more experience with it ((as I myself am very very very gay, and also trans (which is where the issues with writing about female parts makes me very uncomfortable comes from) )). I may however attempt to ship romantically with female characters, but please keep in mind it is something I am not as good at or as comfortable with, so if in the end, I decide I am unable to do so, please be understanding of this. (Especially if smut is included in the ship. I cannot smut with female characters, sorry.)

- I am slightly fickle about things I can reply to. I try very hard to reply to everything, however one thing I am not good at, is sudden changes in roleplays. As much as I hate to admit it, and try to pretend it isn’t true, and even though I am quite good at managing it most times, I am autistic, (high functioning form of autism) and that is one of the few issues I struggle with the most. If you sense a roleplay is changing directions, please hint at it to me in the tags or something the reply before it does, since even that small little hint can be enough to help keep me from having to drop an RP. Even if you are unsure if it will or not, letting me know that you think it MIGHT possibly happen (since we don’t control our characters) is a huge help to me. This particular issue is the main reason that 95% of my dropped threads end up dropped. And I always feel terrible when it happens, so please help me to get better at this.

- I can be slow sometimes (or often) with asks or replies. This usually happens because of my muse being fickle or me thinking a meme or ask prompt would be fun, however sometimes when I actually get them, my muse decides to just be like NOPE. Also sometimes I tend to forget things, or leave stuff in my askbox to reply to later, and then I forget about it or get distracted. If this happens, I apologize. Please try to be understanding of this, since I will NEVER ignore you or your asks on purpose. (The only case where it would be ignored is if it is something stated in my rules that I cannot respond to, that you obviously failed to read or are attempting to do anyway.) I do reblog things with the INTENT to answer EVERYTHING that shows up in my inbox, however my intentions don’t always pan out.

- I do not do the reblog from the source thing (not consistently anyway). I used to try to do it every single time (if I notice it), though now, I am sorry but I have had so many anxiety attacks due to my attention span which I cannot help due to having ADHD, and accidentally reblogging memes and such from someone who has that rule without even realizing it as I am scrolling down the dash because I don’t even realize who reblogged the meme, and then panicking because I realize it later, or get yelled at over it. I follow at least like 30+ meme blogs and the majority of memes on my dash tend to be from the source, so sometimes I don’t notice! Roleplay for me needs to remain stress free, because stress can trigger a major/serious depression spell and as of recently I FINALLY am stable emotionally. So please forgive me if I don’t bother with it. Because I probably won’t do it (consistently anyway).

Next topic of discussion.

Concerning OCs and shipping with them (Please see this post for some further clarification on this, since this is the part that I have the most issue with making clear, though I really do try):

- I am in fact OC supportive! Though when it comes to RPing with them, I can be extremely picky, and cautious. This has nothing to do with whether your OC is great or well developed or not. My brain annoyingly happens to have trouble connecting to a lot of characters, both OC and canon, but it just seems to be more common with other people’s OCs. HOWEVER, just because I might not RP with your OC, doesn’t mean I won’t secretly stalk them from the dash and read your interactions because I think they’re amazing.

- I WILL NOT ship my muses with other OCs, unless they are extremely well developed. This is simply because unless I personally can form some form of an an emotional connection/understanding to/of a character, my own muse will be unable to do so as well. (This can also apply to canon characters as well, so it is not simply limited to OCs).

- I am also very picky with RPing with other OCs, because of the same reason stated above. I will however roleplay with them sometimes, and do not in any way dislike them. I rather love OCs, and the diversity and color they bring to fandoms, and I actually have lots of OCs of my own for different fandoms, I just cannot always connect to them, and in those cases, I will not be able to roleplay with them. I apologize. HOWEVER. If possible, I will happily do platonic RPs with OCs that my muses happen to click with.

The types of characters/OCs I am usually unable to roleplay with, are the following, which includes a list of reasons why:

- ★ OCs that are not connected to any fandom in particular/Multifandom OCs. Basically as I like to call them, floaters or drifters. I may attempt to roleplay with these. It can still be iffy, because my brain can sometimes make stuff more difficult than it actually is or needs to be, and it depends on each particular OC, but as I have recently been developing a fandomless OC myself, I find my understanding of them has grown a bit. That said, sometimes I need to be able to connect them with something, as each fandom has a specific world to them. I need a consistent, solid world anchor to be able to understand the character, which drifters don’t have, so I can struggle to RP with them. I’m willing to try though!

- OCs from fandoms I am unfamiliar with. If I don’t know what sort of world/background your character comes from, it leaves me guessing too much and confused. I have attempted to roleplay with them anyway in the past and it just doesn’t work.

- OCs with very little backstory and information, or with a confusing one, or even with none at all. In essence, poorly made OCs. I need info to RP with you. At least seriously. So sorry. I need to be able to understand your character at least a little, since I don’t do good with “lets play a guessing game” or “I literally have no idea what I’m doing” or “what the hell is going on” sort of RPs, and I have never been good at them, and so I need clear, concise information on your character.

- Canonically (or noncanon since this is an OC as well) unknown family member OCs. Whether it’s a sibling for my character or for someone else’s that was never mentioned in canon, I just can’t. (If you want to RP a family member of my character that I have mentioned in my character’s info, please ask me beforehand as I usually have an idea already of what their family member is like, but usually I will be okay with that as long as you ask me first before just going ahead and doing it.) I’ve never been able to RP with them, for a multitude of reasons, one of the main being they often end up reminding me of the bad version of self inserts or genderbends. I have been unsuccessful at breaking this way of thinking towards them despite attempting to many times, and so I just cannot do it, personally. I am sorry.

Important reminder: Please note that I suck at explaining this somewhat, and just because my brain struggles with roleplaying with certain characters does not mean I dislike your muse or think they suck! I can think your OC is absolutely AMAZING and they can be SUPER well written and developed and I can want to interact but my brain is just dumb and if I try to my brain just refuses. These SAME issues can happen with canon characters too, I have simply noticed it more with other OCs, thus the specific section for them.

Those are all the ones I can think of right now. I am very sorry to anyone who has one of these and wants to RP with me, however I simply cannot do it, personally. I’m sure there are plenty of other people out there though who would love to RP with you even though I cannot, and just because I will not RP with you doesn’t mean I dislike you or your character. I’d be happy to still be friends with you, I just won’t be able to RP with you. I’m someone who needs to be able to connect to the character I am roleplaying with on at least SOME level, for my character to be able to connect to them as well, so if I am unable to do that then I am unable to roleplay with them. (This can include as well, the WAY someone roleplays, since if there is no emotion or thought or description in replies, it gives me nothing to go on and connect to, and leaves me unable to respond, even if I WANT to RP with you.)

★ I hate to have to do this (and I never used to have a password), however I have had A LOT of trouble with people not reading and following my rules in the past, and or speaking about or talking about/not tagging my major trigger, so if you have read my rules, please inbox me with “Catshark” (I prefer Inbox over IMs for the password so I can keep track forever of who sent it in). I ask this of people because it also helps a lot with my anxiety, and keeps me from wondering and worrying in the back of my mind if I might actually get triggered by something. I know it can be tedious to do this extra step, and I hate that I even had to add this step in the first place, however after years of roleplaying, and dealing with people, it became necessary due to several bad past experiences in tumblr fandoms. It was not added on a whim, so please take the time to do so. Also, I do understand that you probably follow a hundred blogs that all have their own rules, so if you forget stuff, that’s okay! I do it too. The password is just so I know it is safe for me to approach you and remind you of something if you do forget. Otherwise, I tend to sit here and kind of panic about if I can mention something to you (it has happened before that someone who didn’t send it in and came across friendly bit my head off when I asked them to tag something), and it means I am more likely to unfollow or stop interacting, or even block you eventually due to my anxiety. And I don’t want that to happen over a silly misunderstanding.

There may be more added to this later if I think of something. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[littlemissvincentvega]

If you don't mind will you do the dogs reaction to teaching their lady how to shoot?

ok i am SO SORRY this has taken so BLOODY LONG it’s ust been sitting in my inbox and i am a bad writer ok but TY FOR TH EREQUESTalso i have NO idea how guns work so excuse how shitty i am ok thanks luv x

mr. blonde:

as u can imagine. he gets handsy at every opportunity

he’s an opportunist it’s in his blood ok???

probably gets hard during... sorry 

although he’s kinda playful, his features turn a little serious when he’s actually putting thought into it. as unpredictable as he is, he loves his girl and he wants her to be safe

vic’s actually pretty good at explaining things so you don’t have to pester him with a million questions

if you’re unsure, he just eggs you on-- “s’alright, sweetheart. just do it, Daddy’s gotcha”

obviously!!!!!!!!! fucking obviously he’s got you. he won’t let you get hurt doing this, and he makes sure of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don’t ask me how

gives you lots of cheek kisses when you get the hang of it

“well done, doll-- we’re real partners in crime now, huh?”

mr. brown:

clumsy as FUCK but that’s expected of him

overexplains everything. e v e r y t h i n g

are we surprised? no

probably knows every single fucking detail about the gun

spits out facts about it. i’m sorry baby but i don’t care. just teach me how to shoot

but he’s really sweet when he gets on with it, doesn’t take over or anything. like he helps you with your stance but that’s it, he knows you’re not stupid. also when he demonstrates stances in front of you he looks like a crackhead

when you get the hang of it he gets way too excited and cheers & applauds you its kinda very cute

“baby!!!!!!!!!!!! you could-- you could literally be, like, a professional criminal now, i swear! well-- don’t do that, it’s dangerous, but-- ohmygod you’re such a natural!”

motormouth strikes again

mr. white:

very gentleman and respectable™ as usual

he knows better than to talk to you like you’re stupid but he’s quite hands on & helpful

but it’s not in a patronising way. larry is a natural teacher, very kind and guiding. so he goes through it with you carefully 

helps you with your stances, demonstrates them in a professional way beforehand

when he thinks you’re ready, he stands to one side to let you practice-- “alright, you got this, sweetie”

he’s so SWEET when you get it right!!!!!! also when you get it wrong. he says mistakes are a part of learning and there’s no shame in it

“great work! you did real good, honey”

mr. orange:

ok this guy is a cop he knows guns ok

“you sure you wanna learn, baby?”

once you’ve convinced him he’s actually quite excited. i mean he’s a nerd why wouldn’t he enjoy teaching his girl how to defend herself???

he teaches you in his apartment, mostly in front of the mirror

it’s cute. you get to see yourself pointing the gun with him behind you, face laced with concentration.......... he a dorky cop

despite him being excited, freddy takes it super seriously and makes sure you get the complete hang of it. maybe you’ll even bicker a tiny bit but it’s because he wants you to be confident in yourself

when you’re both satisfied with it, he gets suuuper happy and proud-- “there we go, baby-- yeah, that’s it!”

definitely admires you when you’re practising stances and definitely finds it hot. sorry but--------------------------- is true

mr. pink:

“baby, i don’t wanna sound like an a-hole... but why the fuck d’you even wanna know how to shoot? no way would i trust you with a gun, no offence”

he flails his hands about when he explains to you

also he goes on about health & safety precautions beforehand even though he’s the last guy to follow them. it’s bc he cares about you tho

he doesn’t do it on purpose but he might talk to you like you’re an idiot

this results in a lot of bickering 

maybe even you declaring you don’t wanna learn any more because he’s acting like a fuckhead

but he throws his hands up and paces around, surrendering to you-- “fine, fine, i’m sorry! i’ll just-- let me just show you instead”

when he shuts his mouth and you actually see him doing it, it’s a lot easier and a lot less infuriating so in no time you get comfortable with the gun

he tries to mask it but he’s actually full of pride cause his girl looks so badass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok

“that’s, uh... you look real professional, baby. almost as good as me”

[normal-thoughts-official]

Far from the truth

Read it on Ao3

Rating: T

Relationships: Simon Lewis/Raphael Santiago, Meliorn/Raphael Santiago, Izzy Lightwood/Meliorn, Clary Fray/Maia Roberts/Izzy Lightwood (background), Maia Roberts/Simon Lewis (background), Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood (mentioned)

Additional tags: polyamori, open relationships, nonbinary!Meliorn, trauma recovery, Raphael’s neverending Catholic guilt, pre-relationship saphael, found familie(s)

Summary: “Oh, I see,” she says in that way she does when she’s being sarcastic, teasing and grinning, “so everyone who dates me must call me Isabelle? I don’t remember that part of the Accords.”

Raphael, Maia and Clary roll their eyes in unison. Simon is, again, unphased. He just shrugs. “I guess we were all trying to Alexander you, but since we all had the same idea, it doesn’t feel special anymore,” he reasons. “But now it’s too late, because it’s caught on.”

Raphael grimaces instantaneously.

(can be read as a standalone)

Part 1

“Isabelle,” Maia says, trying to get her attention.

Izzy huffs, annoyed. “Does no one call me Izzy anymore?” she asks, hands on her hips, “what’s even the point of having a nickname?”

Clary laughs. “Come on, babe, she’s your girlfriend, let her be.”

Her eyes are glinting in that particular way they only do when she’s looking at Izzy, soft and adoring in such an obvious, simple way. Izzy smiles at her, pretense gone.

Or half-gone. “It’s not just Maia though. Didn’t you hear what I said? Everyone in here calls me Isabelle. Even the ones I don’t date,” she points a finger nonchalantly at Simon and Raphael, lounging on the couch.

Raphael freezes for a second, but Simon is unphased. “Well, in our defense, we used to,” he says, raising his hands as if in surrender.

“Oh, I see,” she says in that way she does when she’s being sarcastic, teasing and grinning, “so everyone who dates me must call me Isabelle? I don’t remember that part of the Accords.”

Raphael, Maia and Clary roll their eyes in unison. Simon is, again, unphased. He just shrugs. “I guess we were all trying to Alexander you, but since we all had the same idea, it doesn’t feel special anymore,” he reasons. “But now it’s too late, because it’s caught on.”

Raphael grimaces instantaneously. “I’m not trying to copy Magnus’ relationship,” he says.

Meliorn nods in his direction like he’s just said something wise. “There was also no plagiarism on my part. I simply think Isabelle is a beautiful name,” they explain. “Besides, names are essences. Saying it is bringing you close to me,” they finish with a half smile, leaning a little towards Isabelle and putting their hands on her waist. She looks up at them, grinning, eyes shining in that particular way that only Isabelle’s can. Raphael’s always thought her eyes were something like gems, big and shiny and precious, like the light that went through them fragmented outwards, revealing a new world.

It’s much better than in the closest memories he has of her, when they were glassed over, almost closed, almost dull. Lost facing inwards.

He is grateful for that, too.

Raphael might not be in love with her anymore, but he does love her. And he’s happy to see her so recovered.

Isabelle holds Meliorn by the jaw and leans to kiss them, back pressed against their chest. There’s a smile in both of their lips. Maia jokingly slaps her arm. “I had a question to ask you,” she reminds her.

“Sorry,” Izzy answers, in that way of hers that sounds sincere while simultaneously saying that she doesn’t regret it all, “got distracted by the whole Alexandering discussion.”

“Don’t call it that,” Raphael says.

“Agreed,” Meliorn murmurs.

“Doesn’t look like that’s what distracted you,” Maia laughs.

Raphael rolls his eyes again. Simon nudges him with his elbow. “Stop pretending you hate love,” he says.

“I don’t hate love, I hate the idea that I’d ever try to emulate Lightwood’s relationship,” Raphael argues.

“Lightwood-”

“-Bane, yes, yes, I know,” he finishes before Simon can. These two had been pointing that out to everybody for so long it looks like the entire world must correct him now. “Will I ever be free?” he looks upwards, as if accusing God of abandonment.

Simon rolls his eyes. “You sound like a jealous stepchild.”

“You’ve become real brave, fledgeling,” Raphael counters, pointing an accusing finger at him. Simon doesn’t even look at it. Damn him and his complete disregard for fake drama. It’s like he’s not even part of the Shadow World.

“Just telling it like it is. You had nothing against Alec before he started dating Magnus.”

“Of course I did. He’s a shadowhunter.”

Simon rolls his eyes. “So’s Izzy.”

“Don’t remind me,” he says sourly.

“So what, you can date a shadowhunter, but Magnus can’t?”

“I’m dating a Seelie.”

“Who dates a shadowhunter, who’s also your ex,” Simon raises his eyebrows in challenge. Then immediately ruins it by overexplaining, “meaning you used to date her. Who’s a shadowhunter. So you dated a shadowhunter. So you can date shadowhunters,” he finishes, in a triumphant tone.

“Yes, I got all that from the first part,” Raphael answers.

“So you don’t have a problem with Alec.”

Raphael huffs. Simon is exhausting sometimes, but even more so when he’s right. “Doesn’t mean I have to like that he’s dating Magnus.”

“I think marriage is a little past dating.”

He grimaces like he’s just taken a bite of an onion. “Right, so even worse.”

Simon’s been rolling his eyes an awful lot lately. “So what, you think Alec isn’t good for Magnus?”

“No,” Raphael answers immediately, then curses himself and Simon for taking the truth out of him so easily. “I’d have to be an idiot. Magnus has never been happier. He deserves everything, and Lightwood, for all his stupid, at least knows that.”

Simon’s grinning like he just won a prize. Raphael feels the need to cover his eyes, and thinks some half-cooked thought about daylighters and sunrays. Which doesn’t even make sense, because he’s also a daylighter now, and he definitely doesn’t- for lack of a better word, shine. Simon is just like that. Untouched by the shadows.

Which is why he’s so annoying most of the time.

“Lightwood-Bane,” Raphael corrects with a small tilt of his head, turning away from Simon so he doesn’t see his lips twitching. Then, before this becomes some sort of moment, “But it doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Jealous stepson,” Simon sing-songs.

“I’m not his stepson!”

“He married your dad, he’s your stepdad.”

“No. Magnus isn’t even my dad. He’s just Magnus.”

“Oh, so he isn’t family?”

“Of course Magnus is family.”

“Then so’s Alec, because they’re married, and when you marry you enter the family.”

Raphael groans. Maia, Izzy and Clary all giggle, and Simon does a little bow for them like this is some sort of show. Meliorn’s lips are tugging, but they maintain eye contact with Raphael for the entire duration of his betrayed glare.

“Like I said. Jealous stepson,” Simon finishes. “Unless you have a great closing argument.”

“To be fair,” Meliorn says, “Lightwood did punch him.” There’s no amusement in their eyes now, jaw set and nose twitching. Raphael and Izzy both jolt at that. Raphael wasn’t even thinking about- it.

“He was protecting his sister,” Raphael mumbles. He barely even fought back at the time. But he’s not going to say it, because last time he did, it just made Meliorn angrier.

“It was my fault,” Izzy says.

“We both-”

“Raphael,” Izzy says, eyes begging. Her gem eyes look like they’re full of tears, even when they’re not. Isabelle has this way of telling tragedies with her eyes, sad and mournful like an epic tale that's destined for doom.

Raphael relents. He still isn’t willing to let himself off the hook, but- “Fine. But Alec did apologize, when Isabelle told him the full story.” It was an awkward moment.

But it wasn’t bad.

“Working against yourself here, buddy,” Simon points out. Then, at Raphael’s glare, “what? I’m just saying, Meliorn gave you a great point to use and you’re just giving it back.”

“I suppose guilt overrides jealousy,” Meliorn says, still sounding like a soldier ready for battle.

Raphael would reach for their hand, maybe give it a soft kiss, because he hates seeing them act like they’re still at war and need to endure torture and killings, but- “I’m not jealous.”

“You know," Meliorn begins, in a wise, musing tone, "us Fae Folk have spent centuries mastering the art of wordplay, half-truths, diplomacy and trickery. It’s always amazed me how you, monorealms, can simply… Say things that aren’t true,” they say, smirking at the end. “Must save you a lot of time.”

“I hate all of you,” Raphael says solemnly, getting up to get some blood-infused cake so he can have a dramatic exit.

“Is this a sentence, or just another example?” Meliorn calls back.

Raphael laughs. It’s loud enough for them to hear from the other room.

He doesn’t even care.

[douxreviews]

The 100 - ‘Red Sun Rising’ Review

“Isn’t this your home?”

This was all about fear.

What is everyone afraid of? Are those fears valid? What reactions are these fears going to bring to pass?

On the moon

Poor, poor Emori. I have to start here because it really broke my heart. She still has such deep seeded anxiety about being on the outside and the people that she loves turning against her. I hate that. I’d say I hope Murphy gives her a real big hug when she comes out of it but things aren’t exactly looking great for him.

How nice for Murphy that he got to be the one that was immune or at least not hit the hardest. It just fits that the ultimate survivor would be the one not overtaken by paranoid rage. Too freaking bad he’s been seemingly infected by something, of course he has survived much worse. He was called out last season for liking being the hero and I think he just proved that point again. He went to Bellamy to try and subdue him before his friend was able to hurt anyone. It would have been more self-preservational to hide and wait it out. In the past, I could’ve even seen him standing guard over Emori before putting himself in Bellamy’s path but he did the hard thing for the good of his friends. Even with Clarke, he was able to recognize that she wasn’t a danger to him and he took the time to talk her down and be responsible for her even though he’s still pissed and needed to get back to subduing Bellamy. It’s a little crazy how much his character has grown on me over these past years and more than a little impressive how effortlessly that character growth has been building and how well Richard Harmon has been at playing this incredibly intricate character.

Of course Clarke is only a danger to herself during the eclipse. She truly always comes from a place of protection and with her own guilty conscience and Murphy constantly reminding her the pain that she’s inflicted, it makes sense that to protect her friends, she’d want to take herself out of the mix. To protect them. What was really interesting though was that it was Abby her mind used to try and convince her to take her own life. Is that saying something about what Clarke thinks motherhood is? Or does it speak to her still holding a grudge against her mom as well as herself? Is her subconscious telling us what’s been nagging at me for these two episodes? That we don’t forgive the good doctor yet for her serious lapses in judgement last season.

Bellamy’s rage and paranoia almost made a beeline to Clarke. I’m not surprised. He probably isn’t surprised. She wasn’t surprised. I just hope it was at least therapeutic for him.

All my gold stars go to Echo. She’s the only one that had to face her demons and was able to overcome them long enough to tranq herself. I’m still shocked at how much I’m finding myself liking her. It wasn’t that long ago that she was on the way opposite side of things than team Bellarke. She was smart and levelheaded. I don’t know why I’d expect anything less from a professional spy, but either way I was very impressed.

Then we had Miller scared of his new home turning on him. I think that’s what the fake bugs crawling into him represented. Maybe the way being in the bunker turned out to be a psychological prison and not the safe haven everyone originally fought for? And Jackson was scared of not being able to save his boyfriend. Of not being a good doctor. He does have a lot to live up to following in Abby’s footsteps. Unless I’m interpreting this whole thing all wrong. I still don’t understand the joint hallucination part of it all.

The way the hallucinations manifested themselves in itself was telling about how these characters perceive themselves. Clarke, Echo and Miller turned everything inward because they see their past actions full of guilt. As much as they tell themselves that they didn’t have choices at the time, they still feel the weight of those choices on their backs dragging them down and in some cases dragging other people down with them. But Bellamy and Emori turned their paranoia outward. They are holding grudges against people that they love. They both have long-held and seriously earned trust issues and are always waiting for the next big betrayal; no matter how surrounded by love and family they are, it can be ripped away. It can turn out to be a worthless lie. Your family can shun you, your sister can sacrifice you, your mom can be killed, your friend can abandon you when you need her.

In the sky

First, there was Octavia. She was putting on quite the stoic face but in the end, she was literally asking to be killed. I guess that might also explain that hard exterior in the first place. Either you’re in Wonkru or you’re the enemy of Wonkru, right? She hasn’t stopped picking fights with people since she thawed out. Even calling them cowards for not killing her. It’s nice that we are finally seeing her struggle with the facts of what she did in the bunker. Everything she did was in the name of survival. Clarke and Bellamy have similarly outlandish skeletons in their closets made in the same name, but regret should be a part of the journey too. It’s human to be able to look back and see the mistakes you made but she isn’t really capable. Probably because she was never taught to take responsibility for herself or her actions. She was only ever taught to react and respond to the way other people see her. She was an illegal stow-away since birth as ‘the girl in the floor.’ Then she was Bellamy Blake’s sister when she got to the ground. Then she tried to escape that life altogether and join the grounders only to become ‘sky girl.’ She never even wanted to be the leader in the bunker but Indra twisted her arm and then Abby manipulated her into becoming ‘Bloodreina.’ She clearly isn’t innocent here but I’d like to see her deal with the fears and become a whole person once and for all. Tricking everyone around her into kicking her ass instead of looking for the ship's onboard therapist is the easy way out.

Then so much of Abby’s fear is tied up in Octavia’s every move. She is rightfully scared of how people will react if they find out that it was her the pressured Octavia into enforcing the mandatory cannibalism rule. It’s probably much easier for her to pretend not to remember what she did when everyone’s anger is focused mostly on Bloodreina. Which made it all the more poignant when she stepped in to stop that Wonkru member from taking Octavia’s life. Bloodreina’s death would mean the end of the possibility that her little secret would get out. That’s a far cry from the junkie that tortured Raven, but she still has a ways to go to be the respected doctor we met her as.

Which brings me to Raven. Oh Raven. I’m starting to worry that she is on the Jasper/Monty/Harper train. It feels odd to lump them altogether given that they handled their depression at the loss of faith in humanity in such vastly different ways, but they all went on a spiral that they couldn’t come back from and that is not the future I want for my girl Raven. Okay? Waking Diyoza was the absolute best bet for taking back the bridge and freeing her friends, giving them back the upper hand. But what was the cost? Their ship was invaded and she was technically working in defense of herself and the others, but if they weren’t in real danger, does that matter? Three people still lost their lives and there is no telling what kind of consequences remain to be seen from these actions. And for a character suffering under questions of morality and right-and-wrong and being a good person, these are the questions that will keep her up at night.

Strong episode. 3 out of 4 terrifying children’s books

Bits and pieces

Sanctum is the Latin root of sanctuary.

I liked Josephine and the flashback. It did a good job of priming us for what was about to happen without having it overexplained.

Last week Bellamy said that they wouldn’t shoot first. Then Diyoza shot three people that hadn’t hurt anyone up to that point.

Bellamy kept everyone’s keys. And Clarke kept his. Talk about symbolism for where everyone’s heads are at.

Clarke’s hallucination included a mention of her dad being floated. Talk about a callback.

I have to give it to Diyoza. She really doesn’t suck at negotiation and strategy.

The hijackers noted Octavia has red blood. They were also fairly adamant that something particular be done with the bodies. We have to wait to find out what exactly. Ugh. I can’t take another human experiment or cannibalism plot. I CAN NOT.

Where were those children hiding? Why have restraints in the building if there is a good hideout somewhere?

Are those kids products of the embryos that horny scientist guy was talking about in the flashback?

Will Clarke and Octavia introduce themselves to the Sanctum folks as the Commander of Death and Blood Queen?

Remember back in season one when The 100 ate the nuts that made them all act like they were at a rave? This reminded me of that. Times 5.

Clarke: “What the hell do you want from me, Murphy? I'm sorry, okay? For all of it. I never meant for you to get hurt, but no matter what I do, someone always does. Is that what you want to hear? That I'm the bad guy? Fine, I'll be the bad guy. When I'm in charge people die, isn't that what you said?”

Raven: “You can't leverage dead people.” Diyoza: “You can, if they don't know they're dead.”

Octavia: "If not for you, I would have delivered us safely to that valley. Our sins would have been washed away. McCreary and Diyoza would have surrendered to me. Everything I did would have made sense. Now nothing does."

Laure Mack

[sonicscrewdriver-hippogriff]

sorry for reblogging this twice but this literally boils the blood in my veins

I struggle with constantly being misunderstood and overexplaining things to others because I fear they might not get me and then someone has THE AUDACITY to say that men and women cannot understand each other.

No. It’s just one side not trying. Oftentimes both. But they could! Other people aren’t like me and they can talk normally and if there was a will, there would be everything else.

Man and women do not speak different languages.

Man and women aren’t different species.

Man and women are all people.

People talk in order to be understood.

If you say that they don’t - you’re not listening.

like 99% of "men and women are soooo different!!!" comedy is literally just describing the experience of not understanding other people. like it's not that women never say what they mean talking to other people is just like that. it can be hard to understand what other people are thinking. bioessentialism really rots the brain

[karui-kyofu]

Mobile Friendly Rules

Since I did it for Kurai’s info, here’s the rules for mobile users.

THESE ARE JUST A FEW GENERAL THINGS I FEEL ARE IMPORTANT TO BE ADDRESSED BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, SO PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ THEM.

I know they seem long but some of it is also just information I thought was important for you to know before interacting with me. NOTE: THERE IS A PASSWORD FOR THIS BLOG DUE TO SEVERAL PAST BAD EXPERIENCES WITH UNTAGGED TRIGGERS (and it is the ONLY reason I have a password. I won’t throw a fit if you don’t send it, but I do usually feel more comfortable if you do).

Also another small note beforehand: Due to my autism, I tend to try to be extra clear (but also sometimes manage to be less clear in the process), or in my head it is clear, but to other people, it comes across entirely differently, but I've been informed this makes my rules sometimes come across as more aggressive, exclusionary, or mean. So I will say this now. I am actually a MASSIVE fluffball. Quite literally. The tone they come across is mainly due to overexplaining however I have tried to edit them and have yet to find a way to redefine my rules in better wording that I am happy with and that feels like it covers everything while actually being properly clear (but whenever I finally think of the right wording, I usually update my rules). So just approach them with the knowledge I am actually legitimately a sweetheart and my brain just sucks at actually wording stuff.

- ★ First and most important thing is that the mun has a very serious cannibalism trigger, which includes ANY form of people being eaten (including animals or monsters or any such other creatures eating people). (Excluding vampires, as that doesn’t typically involve the eating of human flesh, and rather simply blood itself. Zombies however, are included). As such, please tag all SNK or Hannibal related posts with such things in them, even the ones without such scenes in them, due to the fact that these two shows/fandoms are the reason I learned I have this trigger, and so the entire thing now can cause my trigger due to association, and memory connection to it. Also I ask that you tag any other shows/fandoms/gifs with such things in them as well. Please and thank you very much. My blacklisted tags are: SNK, Shingeki No Kyojin, Attack On Titan, AoT, tokyo ghoul, tg, Hannibal, Cannibalism, tw: cannibalism, twd, the walking dead, walking dead, zombies, and hunting trophies.  Any form of these (capitalization does not matter, however spaces do) will be caught by my blacklist, so I would appreciate it if you’d use one of these for those posts (though I am also happy to add other tags to it as well if you have a specific system you use already). Also suggestions for other possible blacklist tags that I may have forgotten are much appreciated. Also as an added note, I will not follow, RP with, or associate in ANY WAY, any blogs that have to do with my triggers. (Multi-muse blogs can sometimes be okay, this more applies to blogs that post SPECIFICALLY about the fandoms that trigger me). If you are a multi-muse blog that has characters from these fandoms, all I ask is that you be sure to tag them with the fandom they are from, with one of the tags in my list, and tag any of the triggers. We’ll be perfectly fine if you do! If you don’t, I may eventually unfollow, just to avoid seeing unintentionally triggering content.

- Secondly, I am not here just to to roleplay smut. I WILL do so if I feel like it and if the roleplay goes that direction after building up the relationship, however I am not here for that. I do prefer however if our smut RPs are placed under a read more, if at all possible.

- ★ I am autistic. I know I don’t seem like it at first, and sometimes it’s hard to tell, however I am, and I also have ADHD, and it does affect the way my mind works with things. Sometimes having things done certain ways makes all the difference between if I can do something or if I can’t. If it sounds like I want to do something, but seem to struggle with figuring out how, please feel free to make suggestions, or start the thing yourself! It’s actually REALLY helpful when I get stuck. My being autistic can also affect who I can roleplay with, and how I roleplay, and how I think. Please keep this in mind, and try to be understanding. If something bothers you, or you don’t understand something, just ask me! I’ll do my best to explain, or fix it.

- Though it may not always seem like it, I am VERY shy and awkward. I’m actually legitimately terrified of new people, and trying to talk to people I haven’t spoken to before, or very much yet, almost makes me feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. If you want to RP with me, please message me! Chances are I’d LOVE to chat with you and RP with you, I’m just too terrified to talk to you.

- I struggle with chronic depression, and sometimes I may disappear for a while if I have a spell that gets particularly bad. Please be patient with me, as I will never forget about you and will always return. Also since it needs to be said, I also have EXTREME, doctor diagnosed anxiety. Sometimes it gets the better of me. Same with depression. Sometimes I have bad days. So I vent, and get frustrated with things. Little things bother me a lot more than they would on a normal day. If you can’t handle that or are going to be a hypocrite about it then please just leave right now. I don’t need your negativity. I have enough unwanted of that in my head as it is, which I combat and fight against every day.

- I am a multiship/multiverse blog, however my muse will be very selective with shipping for the time being however I am still happy to discuss ships and will happily consider them. Also a note, that I will ship with multiples of the same character, if the mun of those blogs wishes to ship with me. I find each relationship is different, seeing as each mun plays their character a little differently.

- I will do crossovers sometimes with fandoms I am familiar with. Crossovers always depend on my mood and how well my muse can interact with a character, as well as how well I know the series the character is from. Please forgive me if I choose not to roleplay a specific crossover. I still like you, I promise. If you’re unsure if I know your fandom, just ask! I do know of a lot of fandoms, so there’s a good chance I might.

- I ship based on chemistry. Sometimes I can develop a ship quickly, especially if I know the other muse’s personality well, and know they will mesh well with mine. Other times, a ship takes time for me to develop. Please be understanding and patient with me on this.

- Do NOT under any circumstances, force a ship on me. I am usually quite good at expressing ships I am okay with, and it will usually show in my writing. If you are unsure if I ship something or not, feel free to send me a message and ask me. Most of my characters have their own way of showing interest in someone, however most are usually pretty clear in expressing it in some way. Sending memes for interaction is fine for anyone whether we have interacted or not, and I will usually reply to those, however do not force a ship on me outside of that. If one develops between our characters, then fine. However that is a MUTUAL thing, so I do not take kindly to someone just deciding something is a thing. If you want to try to build one between our characters, then go ahead. Just please show me respect. That is the biggest and most important thing with me, is respect.

- I will write anything from 1 liners to multi-paragraphs when I RP. I usually stick to 1 or two shortish paragraphs, and that tends to fluctuate or shrink depending on how much information is needed to describe a scene. If we start out with a shorter paragraph, and I make a reply a fair bit longer, I will likely revert back to the shorter paragraph again within 1 or 2 replies. However you are welcome to write however you wish, just as long as you can give me something to go on. (A one liner in response to a 10 line paragraph for example, I will struggle to reply to.)

- I do not tolerate anon hate of any kind. Not towards myself, nor towards others. I will respond to it in a way that will make the sender feel rather like an idiot, and I am very smart and capable of doing so, so please be advised of that, if you intend to do so.

- I will RP more violent NSFW RPs, however ONLY as long as I am in the mood for them. The mun of this blog is (well) over 18.

- ★ I am better at roleplaying ships with males (BoyxBoy/Yaoi/etc), due to being more familiar with it and having more experience with it ((as I myself am very very very gay, and also trans (which is where the issues with writing about female parts makes me very uncomfortable comes from) )). I may however attempt to ship romantically with female characters, but please keep in mind it is something I am not as good at or as comfortable with, so if in the end, I decide I am unable to do so, please be understanding of this. (Especially if smut is included in the ship. I cannot smut with female characters, sorry.)

- I am slightly fickle about things I can reply to. I try very hard to reply to everything, however one thing I am not good at, is sudden changes in roleplays. As much as I hate to admit it, and try to pretend it isn’t true, and even though I am quite good at managing it most times, I am autistic, (high functioning form of autism) and that is one of the few issues I struggle with the most. If you sense a roleplay is changing directions, please hint at it to me in the tags or something the reply before it does, since even that small little hint can be enough to help keep me from having to drop an RP. Even if you are unsure if it will or not, letting me know that you think it MIGHT possibly happen (since we don’t control our characters) is a huge help to me. This particular issue is the main reason that 95% of my dropped threads end up dropped. And I always feel terrible when it happens, so please help me to get better at this.

- I can be slow sometimes (or often) with asks or replies. This usually happens because of my muse being fickle or me thinking a meme or ask prompt would be fun, however sometimes when I actually get them, my muse decides to just be like NOPE. Also sometimes I tend to forget things, or leave stuff in my askbox to reply to later, and then I forget about it or get distracted. If this happens, I apologize. Please try to be understanding of this, since I will NEVER ignore you or your asks on purpose. (The only case where it would be ignored is if it is something stated in my rules that I cannot respond to, that you obviously failed to read or are attempting to do anyway.) I do reblog things with the INTENT to answer EVERYTHING that shows up in my inbox, however my intentions don’t always pan out.

- I do not do the reblog from the source thing. I used to try (if I notice it), I am sorry but I have had so many anxiety attacks due to my attention span which I cannot help due to having ADHD, and accidentally reblogging memes and such from someone who has that rule without even realizing it as I am scrolling down the dash because I don’t even realize who reblogged the meme, and then panicking because I realize it later, or get yelled at over it. I follow at least like 30+ meme blogs and the majority of memes on my dash tend to be from the source, so sometimes I don't notice! Roleplay for me needs to remain stress free, because stress can trigger a major/serious depression spell and as of recently I FINALLY am stable emotionally. So please forgive me if I don’t bother with it. Because I probably won’t do it (consistently anyway).

Next topic of discussion.

Concerning OCs and shipping with them (Please see this post for some further clarification on this, since this is the part that I have the most issue with making clear, though I really do try):

- I WILL NOT ship my muses with other OCs, unless they are extremely well developed. This is simply because unless I personally can form some form of an an emotional connection/understanding to/of a character, my own muse will be unable to do so as well. (This can also apply to canon characters as well, so it is not simply limited to OCs).

- I am also very picky with RPing with other OCs, because of the same reason stated above. I will however roleplay with them sometimes, and do not in any way dislike them. I rather love OCs, and the diversity and color they bring to fandoms, and I actually have lots of OCs of my own for different fandoms, I just cannot always connect to them, and in those cases, I will not be able to roleplay with them. I apologize. HOWEVER. If possible, I will happily do platonic RPs with OCs that my muses happen to click with. 

The types of characters/OCs I am usually unable to roleplay with, are the following, which includes a list of reasons why.

- ★ OCs that are not connected to any fandom in particular/Multifandom OCs. Basically as I like to call them, floaters or drifters. I may attempt to roleplay with these. It can still be iffy, because my brain can sometimes make stuff more difficult than it actually is or needs to be, and it depends on each particular OC, but as I have recently been developing a fandomless OC myself, I find my understanding of them has grown a bit. That said, sometimes I need to be able to connect them with something, as each fandom has a specific world to them. I need a consistent, solid world anchor to be able to understand the character, which drifters don’t have, so I can struggle to RP with them. I’m willing to try though!

- OCs from fandoms I am unfamiliar with. If I don’t know what sort of world/background your character comes from, it leaves me guessing too much and confused. I have attempted to roleplay with them anyway in the past and it just doesn’t work.

- ★ Self insert OCs. Really. Please just no. I cannot stand self inserts above all else other than Shipper OCs. Admittedly, there are a rare few good ones out there. However those tend to be very few and far between, and 98% of them tend to fall into the not so good category to put it nicely, and I just.. I can’t do it. There is nothing else to say to this except just NO. I apologize for this, however I just can’t. Also, this applies to FULLY self inserts. This does not apply to characters that simply share some traits with you, as often we roleplay a character because we can connect to them somehow. (This is an issue I am working on getting over, but it takes time.)

- Canon Genderbends (there are exceptions sometimes with these). This subject is a touchy one, since my mind is very rigid unfortunately when it comes to how I view them. This might stem from my own personal gender struggle (as I am trans and FtM), however genderbends have always been something I have a lot of issues with, and so 98% of the time, I will not RP with them because I have to fight my mind to reply. Temporary genderswap M!A’s however, when handled properly, are no issue for me, and in such cases I will happily roleplay with them.

- OCs with very little backstory and information, or with a confusing one, or even with none at all. In essence, poorly made OCs. I need info to RP with you. At least seriously. So sorry. I need to be able to understand your character at least a little, since I don’t do good with “lets play a guessing game” or “I literally have no idea what I’m doing” or “what the hell is going on” sort of RPs, and I have never been good at them, and so I need clear, concise information on your character.

- Shipper OCs. The type of character I hate more than any other. If you made your OC just so you could ship with a bunch of people and that is the only purpose for their existence, do not even talk to me, or approach my character. Don’t even try. I literally cannot stand these types, and they fall right up there with my hatred of self inserts. So sorry. But just no.

- Canonically unknown family member OCs. Whether it’s a sibling for my character or for someone else’s that was never mentioned in canon, I just can’t. (If you want to RP a family member of my character that I have mentioned in my character’s info, please ask me beforehand as I usually have an idea already of what their family member is like, but usually I will be okay with that as long as you ask me first before just going ahead and doing it.) I’ve never been able to RP with them, for a multitude of reasons, one of the main being they often end up reminding me of self inserts or genderbends. I have been unsuccessful at breaking this way of thinking towards them despite attempting to many times, and so I just cannot do it, personally. I am sorry.

Important note: Please note that I suck at explaining this somewhat, and just because my brain struggles with roleplaying with certain characters does not mean I dislike your muse or think they suck! I can think your OC is absolutely AMAZING and they can be SUPER well written and developed and I can want to interact but my brain is just dumb and if I try to my brain just refuses. These SAME issues can happen with canon characters too, I have simply noticed it more with other OCs, thus the specific section for them.

Those are all the ones I can think of right now. I am very sorry to anyone who has one of these and wants to RP with me, however I simply cannot do it, personally. I’m sure there are plenty of other people out there though who would love to RP with you even though I cannot, and just because I will not RP with you doesn’t mean I dislike you or your character. I’d be happy to still be friends with you, I just won’t be able to RP with you. I’m someone who needs to be able to connect to the character I am roleplaying with on at least SOME level, for my character to be able to connect to them as well, so if I am unable to do that then I am unable to roleplay with them. (This can include as well, the WAY someone roleplays, since if there is no emotion or thought or description in replies, it gives me nothing to go on and connect to, and leaves me unable to respond, even if I WANT to RP with you.)

★ I hate to have to do this (and I never used to have a password), however I have had A LOT of trouble with people not reading and following my rules in the past, and or speaking about or talking about/not tagging my major trigger, so if you have read my rules, please inbox me with “Catshark” (I prefer Inbox over IMs for the password so I can keep track forever of who sent it in). I ask this of people because it also helps a lot with my anxiety, and keeps me from wondering and worrying in the back of my mind if I might actually get triggered by something. I know it can be tedious to do this extra step, and I hate that I even had to add this step in the first place, however after years of roleplaying, and dealing with people, it became necessary due to several bad past experiences in tumblr fandoms. It was not added on a whim, so please take the time to do so. Also, I do understand that you probably follow a hundred blogs that all have their own rules, so if you forget stuff, that’s okay! I do it too. The password is just so I know it is safe for me to approach you and remind you of something if you do forget. Otherwise, I tend to sit here and kind of panic about if I can mention something to you, and it means I am more likely to unfollow or stop interacting, or even block you eventually due to my anxiety. And I don’t want that to happen over a silly misunderstanding.

There may be more added to this later if I think of something. Thank you for taking the time to read this.