#sorry no formatting

[maternity-morningstar]

ITS GO TIME

Lucifer quickly hangs up the phone, his expression shifting from concerned to serious as he turns back to the group.

Lucifer: *calmly* The doctor is on his way here. He thinks it’s too risky to move you to the hospital now, Husker. He wants to perform the C-section right here at the hotel.

Husk: *eyes widening in fear* W-what? No... no, I can’t... not here. *clutching Mr. Pumpkin tighter, his entire body trembling* This place isn’t... safe enough. I just want to go back to my room.

Alastor: *gently rubbing Husk’s back, trying to soothe him* It’s okay, Husker... we’re with you.

Lucifer: *kneeling down to Husk’s level again, his voice gentle but firm* I know this is terrifying, but you have another option, Husk. We don’t have to do the C-section if you’re not comfortable with it.

Husk: *panting through another wave of pain, his voice shaky* What do you mean?

Lucifer: *taking a deep breath before explaining* I can... transform your lower half. Just temporarily. You could give birth naturally, without surgery. No cutting, no risk of complications from the C-section.

Husk: *blinking, processing the information, clearly overwhelmed* You can do that? Turn me into a... girl?

Lucifer: *nodding* Only for as long as it takes, and it wouldn’t change anything else about you. It’s safer than surgery, and you could stay here, in your room if that’s what makes you feel comfortable.

Husk: *looking uncertain, gripping pumpkin for comfort* Okay... okay, fine. Just... do it. I can’t handle this... I just want it to be over.

Alastor: *softly* Husker, it’s your choice. No one’s going to force you into anything. We just want you to feel safe.

Husk: *taking a shaky breath, his voice barely above a whisper* I just... I just want to go back to my room. I don’t want the doctor cutting me open here. I can’t... I can’t handle that.

Lucifer: *placing a hand on Husk’s shoulder, his voice reassuring* Then let me help you, Husk. I can make it so you don’t have to go through that.

Husk: *silent for a moment, staring down at Mr. Pumpkin, clearly scared but desperate for a solution* Okay... okay, fine. Just... do it. I can’t handle this... I just want it to be over.

Lucifer: *nodding, standing up with a solemn expression* It’ll be over soon, Husk. I promise.

Angel: *trying to lighten the mood, though clearly worried* You’re gonna be alright, Husky. You’ll be back in your room in no time, snuggling with Pumpkin and the little one.

Husk: *nodding weakly, still holding onto Mr. Pumpkin like a lifeline* I hope so...

Lucifer: *closes his eyes, his hands glowing with an ethereal light as he prepares the transformation spell* This will only take a moment.

As Lucifer's magic begins to work, Husk grips Alastor's hand tightly, his fear palpable but his trust in Lucifer and his friends keeping him grounded. He closes his eyes, trying to focus on breathing as the spell takes effect, his body slowly shifting under the gentle light.

Lucifer: *softly* It’s done. You’re ready, Husk.

Husk: *shivering, still holding onto Alastor* I... I don’t feel different...*as soon as said that, fluids gush out of the new hole* oh I’m sorry.

Lucifer: You’re water broke and that’s good. It means labor is progressing! Let’s get you baby to your room now.

—————

After hours of labor, Husk found himself pacing the room, trying to ease the pressure and pain that kept intensifying with each contraction. He paused occasionally to squat, gripping onto furniture or the edge of the bed, his body naturally seeking any position that would give him some relief. His breaths were ragged, and sweat dripped down his face. Every now and then, Alastor or Angel would rush to his side, offering support, while Lucifer kept a close watch, ready to help at a moment's notice.

Husk: *panting, his voice strained* I... I can’t do this... this is too much...

Alastor: *rubbing his back gently* You’re doing amazing, Husker. Just a little more. You’re almost there.

Angel: *holding Husk’s hand, squeezing it tightly* You've got this, Husk. You’re stronger than you think.

Lucifer: *observing closely, his voice calm and reassuring* The baby’s moving lower. It won’t be long now.

Husk: *groaning through another intense contraction* I... I don’t know how much more of this I can take!

Lucifer: *coming over, kneeling beside him* I know it’s hard, Husk, but you’re in the final stretch. Just listen to your body.

Husk nodded weakly, his breaths coming in short gasps as he felt the pressure building unbearably. He squeezed Angel’s hand tightly, nearly crushing it, as another contraction hit. His legs felt like jelly, but he refused to give in to the exhaustion. Alastor guided him to the bed, helping him sit on the edge.

Alastor: *softly* Sit here for a minute, Husker. Let your body rest between the waves.

Husk: *barely able to sit still, squirming with discomfort* I feel like... I need to push... but I’m scared...

Lucifer: *gently placing a hand on his knee* That’s natural. Your instincts are telling you what to do. When you’re ready, you push, alright?

Husk nodded, a look of determination mixed with fear crossing his face. He shifted slightly, trying to find a comfortable position on the bed, leaning back as his body instinctively prepared for what was to come.

A few moments passed, and Husk gasped, gripping Alastor's hand tightly once more.

Husk: *gritting his teeth* I... I have to push! It’s happening!

Lucifer: *quickly moving into position, his voice steady* Alright, Husk. When you’re ready, push with the next contraction.

Angel: *holding his other hand, his voice soft* We’re right here. You’re not doing this alone.

As the next contraction hit, Husk cried out and bore down, pushing with all his might. His face flushed with the effort, his entire body trembling. He could feel the baby moving, inching closer to being born.

Lucifer: *encouraging* That’s it, Husk! You’re doing great! Keep going!

Husk pushed again, and this time, the pain was almost overwhelming, but the encouragement from his lovers kept him grounded. Alastor was whispering soft words of comfort, while Angel squeezed his hand, his usual bravado replaced with pure concern for Husk’s well-being.

After what felt like an eternity, Husk screamed out one last push, and suddenly, the room was filled with the sound of a baby’s first cry.

Lucifer: *beaming as he caught the newborn* It’s a girl, Husk! You did it!

Husk collapsed back onto the bed, panting and drenched in sweat, but a small, relieved smile appeared on his face as the sound of his baby crying filled the room.

Alastor: *gently brushing Husk’s damp hair from his forehead* You did it, Husker. She’s here.

Angel: *grinning through tears* Look at you, you tough old cat. You brought her into the world!

Lucifer: *carefully cleaning the baby before wrapping him in a soft blanket* Here he is, Husk. Your daughter *gently hands the newborn to Husk*

Husk: *tears welling in his eyes as he looks down at the tiny, wriggling bundle* She’s...she’s perfect...

The room was filled with a quiet awe as Husk cradled his newborn daughter, the exhaustion and fear slowly melting away as he held the tiny life he had worked so hard to bring into the world.

Lucifer: *softly* You were incredible, Husk. Both of you are safe now.

Husk: *whispering, barely able to contain his emotions* Thank you... all of you...

Angel: *sniffling, wiping away a tear* We wouldn’t have let you do this alone, you know that.

Alastor: *smiling warmly, his voice filled with pride* She’s got your strength, Husker. Se’s going to be just fine.

Husk looked down at his baby, gently brushing a finger along the newborn’s tiny hand as it instinctively curled around him. He felt an overwhelming surge of love and relief wash over him. He had done it—he was a father again.

Art by @lucifer-imaginaryfriend

[hells-greatest-performers]

Wait now I want to hear each of the kids asking why you guys are fat😭

Lucifer: *making pancakes*

Caius: Hey Daddy…why are you carrying a ball under your shirt?

Lucifer: I’m not…?

Caius: Well it looks like you are.

Lucifer: *dumbfounded* 

—————

Alastor: *doing laundry*

Verena: Hey Papa…I think you need bigger clothes.

Alastor: Hmm?

Verena: Yeah, you’re starting to seep out of your pants

Alastor: *realizing he’s developing “love handles”*

—————

Lucifer: *reading the paper and sipping some tea*

Calliope: Dad I have a question.

Lucifer: Yeah?

Calliope: How come your belly is bigger? Did you eat a full breakfast?

Lucifer: *getting annoyed* No sweetie. I didn’t.

Calliope: Oh…well then how is your belly so big?

——————

Alastor: *taking a moment to himself*

Caelan: *shyly comes in* Papa? Can I come in?

Alastor: Sure. Come over here

Caelan: *comes over and climbs on Alastor’s lap and notices the difference in Alastor’s body* Why is your tummy bigger?

Alastor: Well…your Daddy and I have a surprise to tell you and your siblings soon.

Caelan: Okay…does it involve your tummy?

Alastor: Yes it does. So be very careful around it.

Caelan: Sorry.

[tuned-in-for-two]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand, Adam just got kidnapped.

Shit.

...Lucifer, you should head for Vee Tower. Tallest building in the Entertainment District, huge, gaudy, covered in pink lights, you can't miss it.

Alastor stopped in his tracks, glaring at the sleek black limo as Valentino’s face appeared through the open window. The neon lights of Hell’s chaotic streets reflected off the car’s glossy surface, and the sound of distant noise from the strip clubs and bars filled the air. Valentino leaned casually on the doorframe, his ever-present smirk playing on his lips

Valentino: *grinning* Well, well, look who's walking around all by himself. Didn’t think I'd catch the famous Radio Demon out here, especially without his usual grin plastered on his face.

Alastor: *his tone sharp* Valentino. I don’t have time for the likes of you.

Valentino: *mockingly* That hurts, sweetheart. Just thought I'd say hello. What’s got you all worked up, hmm? You usually enjoy a bit of small talk with your fellow sinners.

Alastor didn’t respond right away, his mind still preoccupied with finding Adam. He had left the baby shower not long ago, worried about what Adam could be up to. And now, he found himself cornered by the one demon he couldn’t stand the most, especially given Valentino’s involvement with Angel Dust.

Alastor: *curt* I’m looking for someone. So if you’ll excuse me—

Before Alastor could take a step away, the door of the limo opened, and out stumbled Adam, clearly intoxicated. His clothes were disheveled, his eyes bloodshot, and he looked like he had just been thrown out of one of the many seedy clubs that littered Pentagram City.

Adam: *slurring* Ahh, Alastor! You come to join me? Strip joint was a real blast, but they didn’t appreciate my presence. Got me kicked out.

Alastor: *scowling* So this is where you've been?

Valentino: *laughing* Yeah, your friend here is a bit of a troublemaker. Got himself thrown out of my joint after making a scene. Thought I’d show him around the real Hell.” *his eyes gleam* But now that you're here... maybe you'd like to join us for a drink?

Alastor: *eyes narrowing* I don’t think so. Adam, you need to sober up. You’ve caused enough trouble.

Adam: *leaning against the car, looking at Alastor with a crooked grin* Ah, always the responsible one, aren’t ya, Al? But, hey, why don’t you tell your buddy here the real reason you're so worried about me, hmm? *his eyes flash with a knowing look* About your little secret.

Alastor’s eyes darkened, his hand clenching at his side. Valentino, ever the opportunist, perked up at Adam’s words, sensing something juicy.

Valentino: *intrigued* Oh? Now this sounds interesting. What secret would that be, Alastor? You’re not the type to hide things... or are you?

Alastor: *coldly* None of your business.

Adam: *laughing loudly, stumbling forward* You know, Val, Alastor here isn’t just prancing around like his usual self. He’s got something special growing inside him. *he leans in closer, his voice a mock whisper* Something that doesn’t belong.

Alastor’s heart pounded in his chest. He shot a dangerous glare at Adam, who was clearly enjoying pushing his buttons. Valentino, on the other hand, looked absolutely delighted by the potential scandal.

Valentino: *eyes wide, leaning forward* Oh, now this I have to hear. Don’t tell me—Alastor, are you hiding something from little ol' me? Something... personal?

Alastor: *his voice low and threatening* You’d do well to stop asking questions, Valentino.

Valentino: *chuckling* Ooh, struck a nerve, did I? Relax, Alastor. Whatever’s going on, I’m sure we can come to... an understanding.

Adam: *grinning sloppily* I wonder what everyone would think if they knew what Alastor was carrying around a little angelic... surprise.

Alastor’s patience snapped. Without warning, a surge of his dark energy flared up, casting deep shadows around them. The air crackled with tension as his anger filled the space.

Alastor: *dangerously calm* If you say one more word, Adam... you’ll regret it.

Valentino: *raising his hands, amused but cautious* Easy there, Radio Demon. No need to get all worked up. I’m just having a bit of fun. But I’d keep an eye on your friend here. He’s not looking too good.

Alastor ignored Valentino’s parting smirk as the limo pulled away, focusing on Adam, who still swayed drunkenly.

Alastor: *hissing under his breath* You’re lucky you’re still standing.

Adam: *smirking despite himself* Yeah? Well, you’re lucky that baby of yours is still kickin’.

Alastor: *snaps and uses his shadow tendrils to fling Adam far away in his fury*

[daddy-deerest]

what the fuck is happening

Rosie: *doing research while Alastor holds his son — looking through a book* It maybe just his angelic genes kicking in?

Alastor: But Lysander was born in Hell! I know! I gave birth to him!

Rosie: Well who’s his other parent?

Alastor: I’m pretty sure it’s Lucifer.

Rosie: Pretty sure??

Alastor: We didn’t have intimacy in making Lysander. This was a cosmic alternate worlds thing. It’s hard to explain.

Rosie: Well maybe whatever you were messing with is actually the cause. Maybe this isn’t an illness like I thought but a birthright?

Alastor: *sighs* If my son is the next coming of Jesus Christ…

Rosie: Let’s not go that far. But maybe it’s temporary. Or maybe you can call Lucifer and see if he can help.

Alastor: Nope! He’s not involved with Lysander or Aster…*looks at his son* I just…I want him back to normal.

Rosie: I know and we’ll figure it out.

[whalemeansgrace]

[corruptimles]

MikuAllWeeku Day 4: Five Nights at Freddy's

[spoopdeedoop]

WYD WHEN MY GANG PULL UP !!!

[clarissasbakery]

walk with me, walk with me yall….

[heritageposts]

What does life in North Korea look like outside of Pyongyang? 🇰🇵

Hey, I'm back again with a very scary "tankie" post that asks you to think of North Koreans as people, and to consider their country not as a cartoonish dystopia, but as a nation that, like any other place on earth, has culture, traditions, and history.

Below is a collection of pictures from various cities and places in North Korea, along with a brief dive into some of the historical events that informs life in the so-called "hermit kingdom."

Warning: very long post

Kaesong, the historic city

Beginning this post with Kaesong, one of the oldest cities in Korea. It's also one of the few major cities in the DPRK (i.e. "North Korea") that was not completely destroyed during the Korean war.

Every single city you'll see from this point on were victims of intense aerial bombardments from the U.S. and its allies, and had to be either partially or completely rebuilt after the war.

From 1951 to 1953, during what has now become known as the "forgotten war" in the West, the U.S. dropped 635,000 tons of bombs over Korea — most of it in the North, and on civilian population centers. An additional 32,000 tons of napalm was also deployed, engulfing whole cities in fire and inflicting people with horrific burns:

For such a simple thing to make, napalm had horrific human consequences. A bit of liquid fire, a sort of jellied gasoline, napalm clung to human skin on contact and melted off the flesh. Witnesses to napalm's impact described eyelids so burned they could not be shut and flesh that looked like "swollen, raw meat." - PBS

Ever wondered why North Koreans seem to hate the U.S so much? Well...

Keep in mind that only a few years prior to this, the U.S. had, as the first and only country in the world, used the atomic bomb as a weapon of war. Consider, too, the proximity between Japan and Korea — both geographically and as an "Other" in the Western imagination.

As the war dragged on, and it became clear the U.S. and its allies would not "win" in any conventional sense, the fear that the U.S. would resort to nuclear weapons again loomed large, adding another frightening dimension to the war that can probably go a long way in explaining the DPRK's later obsession with acquiring their own nuclear bomb.

But even without the use of nuclear weapons, the indiscriminate attack on civilians, particularly from U.S. saturation bombings, was still horrific:

"The number of Korean dead, injured or missing by war’s end approached three million, ten percent of the overall population. The majority of those killed were in the North, which had half of the population of the South; although the DPRK does not have official figures, possibly twelve to fifteen percent of the population was killed in the war, a figure close to or surpassing the proportion of Soviet citizens killed in World War II" - Charles K. Armstrong

On top of the loss of life, there's also the material damage. By the end of the war, the U.S. Air Force had, by its own estimations, destroyed somewhere around 85% of all buildings in the DPRK, leaving most cities in complete ruin. There are even stories of U.S. bombers dropping their loads into the ocean because they couldn't find any visible targets to bomb.

What you'll see below of Kaesong, then, provides both a rare glimpse of what life in North Korea looked like before the war, and a reminder of what was destroyed.

Kaesong's main street, pictured below.

Due the stifling sanctions imposed on the DPRK—which has, in various forms and intensities, been in effect since the 1950s—car ownership is still low throughout the country, with most people getting around either by walking or biking, or by bus or train for longer distances.

Kaesong, which is regarded as an educational center, is also notable for its many Koryŏ-era monuments. A group of twelve such sites were granted UNESCO world heritage status in 2013.

Included is the Hyonjongnung Royal Tomb, a 14th-century mausoleum located just outside the city of Kaesong.

One of the statues guarding the tomb.

Before moving on the other cities, I also wanted to showcase one more of the DPRK's historical sites: Pohyonsa, a thousand-year-old Buddhist temple complex located in the Myohyang Mountains.

Like many of DPRK's historic sites, the temple complex suffered extensive damage during the Korean war, with the U.S. led bombings destroying over half of its 24 pre-war buildings.

The complex has since been restored and is in use today both as a residence for Buddhist monks, and as a historic site open to visitors.

Hamhung, the second largest city in the DPRK.

A coastal city located in the South Hamgyŏng Province. It has long served as a major industrial hub in the DPRK, and has one of the largest and busiest ports in the country.

Hamhung, like most of the coastal cities in the DPRK, was hit particularly hard during the war. Through relentless aerial bombardments, the US and its allies destroyed somewhere around 80-90% percent of all buildings, roads, and other infrastructure in the city.

Now, more than seventy years later, unexploded bombs, mortars and pieces of live ammunition are still being unearthed by the thousands in the area. As recently as 2016, one of North Korea's bomb squads—there's one in every province, faced with the same cleanup task—retrieved 370 unexploded mortar rounds... from an elementary school playground.

Experts in the DPRK estimate it will probably take over a hundred years to clean up all the unexploded ordnance—and that's just in and around Hamhung.

Hamhung's fertilizer plant, the biggest in North Korea.

When the war broke out, Hamhung was home to the largest nitrogen fertilizer plant in Asia. Since its product could be used in the creation of explosives, the existence of the plant is considered to have made Hamhung a target for U.S. aggression (though it's worth repeating that the U.S. carried out saturation bombings of most population centers in the country, irrespective of any so-called 'military value').

The plant was immediately rebuilt after the war, and—beyond its practical use—serves now as a monument of resistance to U.S. imperialism, and as a functional and symbolic site of self-reliance.

Chongjin, the third largest city in the DPRK.

Another coastal city and industrial hub. It underwent a massive development prior to the Korean war, housing around 300,000 people by the time the war broke out.

By 1953, the U.S. had destroyed most of Chongjin's industry, bombed its harbors, and killed one third of the population.

Wonsan, a rebuilt seaside city.

The city of Wonsan is a vital link between the DPRK's east and west coasts, and acts today as both a popular holiday destination for North Koreans, and as a central location for the country's growing tourism industry.

Considered a strategically important location during the war, Wonsan is notable for having endured one of the longest naval blockades in modern history, lasting a total of 861 days.

By the end of the war, the U.S. estimated that they had destroyed around 80% of the city.

Masikryong Ski Resort, located close to Wonsan. It opened to the public in 2014 and is the first, I believe, that was built with foreign tourists in mind.

Sariwon, another rebuilt city

One of the worst hit cities during the Korean War, with an estimated destruction level of 95%.

I've written about its Wikipedia page here before, which used to mockingly describe its 'folk customs street'—a project built to preserve old Korean traditions and customs—as an "inaccurate romanticized recreation of an ancient Korean street."

No mention, of course, of the destruction caused by the US-led aerial bombings, or any historical context at all that could possibly even hint at why the preservation of old traditions might be particularly important for the city.

Life outside of the towns and cities

In the rural parts of the DPRK, life primarily revolves around agriculture. As the sanctions they're under make it difficult to acquire fuel, farming in the DPRK relies heavily on manual labour, which again, to avoid food shortages, requires that a large portion of the labour force resides in the countryside.

Unlike what many may think, the reliance on manual labour in farming is a relatively "new" development. Up until the crisis of the 1990s, the DPRK was a highly industrialized nation, with a modernized agricultural system and a high urbanization rate. But, as the access to cheap fuel from the USSR and China disappeared, and the sanctions placed upon them by Western nations heavily restricted their ability to import fuel from other sources, having a fuel-dependent agricultural industry became a recipe for disaster, and required an immediate and brutal restructuring.

For a more detailed breakdown of what lead to the crisis in the 90s, and how it reshaped the DPRKs approach to agriculture, check out this article by Zhun Xu.

Some typical newly built rural housing, surrounded by farmland.

Tumblr only allows 20 pictures per post, but if you want to see more pictures of life outside Pyongyang, check out this imgur album.

[jondrettegirls]

[ID: A page of a play. It reads as follows, "Theseus: Stop. Give me your hand. I am your friend. / Herakles: I fear to stain your clothes with blood. / Theseus: Stain them, I don't care." End text.]

Herakles - Euripides (Tr. Anne Carson)

[dollsghost]

simon eats it sloppy.

through the mask, slobbering on his hands and knees like the mutt he truly is; like his only salvation is the ichor that drips between your thighs. like your cunt is the only thing that could save his wretched, blackened soul. he wants to roll in the tang that'll stay on the back of his tongue for weeks into deployment, that'll stay soaked into the fabric of his balaclava because fok no he isn't washing it before he leaves (he'll nearly tears the thing to shreds when he can no longer smell you on it).

large, calloused palms scratch over the sensitive skin of your quads and inner thighs as he opens you up for him, watches your folds part like that of a carnation (love, devotion, distinction, fascination) as he pushes your knees up to your chest. drags his tongue all over you, the creases where your vulva and thighs meet and gets you shaking before he's even touched your clit. before he's even taken the mask off. brushes his thumb over the little bud reverently, fondly. he thinks the way your thighs tremble in response is the most precious fucking thing.

and when he finally breaks watching you drip onto the cushions below, he's feral. rabid. barely gets the damned mask up to free his mouth before he's on you again, slurping up your slick and sucking your clit into his mouth. the suction is heavenly after so much teasing, and if his tongue finds its way to your ass too, that's his business. your toes curl in the air where your feet dangle uselessly, panties you're sure that simon will pocket later still around one ankle.

simon's relentless when he's like this, a dog chasing after it's favorite toy. he won't let up, won't even palm over his cock until you're at least three climaxes deep from his mouth alone. totally pussydrunk and ready for more.

[maternity-morningstar]

Hey Alastor, wouldn’t be a great time to kill Valatino?

Alastor: That can wait. Right now I need to check on Lucifer.

—————

Lucifer: *sitting on the edge of his bed, wrapped in a blanket, shivering and staring blankly at the floor, flashbacks of the shoot haunting his mind — whispers to himself* Breathe, just breathe. It’s over now. You did it for Angel. It’s over...*His body continues to shake, both from the cold and the emotional pain*

Alastor: *knocks softly before entering the room, seeing Lucifer's state, his heart sinks* Lucifer?

Lucifer: *barely registers Alastor's presence, lost in his own thoughts*

Alastor: *quickly moves to his side, kneeling down to his level, gently placing a hand on his shoulder* Hey, Luci. Look at me.

Lucifer: *slowly turns his head, eyes filled with tears* Alastor...

Alastor: *voice soft and comforting* I’m here. You’re safe now. *pulls the blanket tighter around Lucifer and sits beside him on the bed*

Lucifer: *voice trembling* I thought I could handle it... but it’s just too much.

Alastor: *wraps an arm around him, pulling him close* You don’t have to handle it alone. We’re all here for you. You did something incredibly brave for Angel. But now, you need to take care of yourself.

Lucifer: *leans into Alastor, his body still shaking — whispers* I’m scared. Scared of what’s coming. Scared for the babies.

Alastor: *gently rubs his back* Shh I know. It’s okay to be scared. But just relax. You’re with me and I will be here for you.

Lucifer: *nods slowly, starting to calm down* Thank you, Alastor. I don’t know what I’d do without you.

Alastor: *smiles softly* You won’t have to find out. Now, let’s get you warm and comfortable. You need rest.

Lucifer: *shakes his head, fear evident in his eyes* I don’t want to sleep. I’m afraid of the nightmares.

Alastor: *squeezes his shoulder reassuringly* It’s okay. I’ll stay with you. How about I sing you a lullaby?

Lucifer: *hesitant but nods* That... that might help.

Alastor: *gently helps Lucifer lie down, tucking the blanket around him securely, then sits beside him, holding his hand* Close your eyes and listen, okay?

Lucifer: *closes his eyes, gripping Alastor's hand tightly* Okay.

Alastor: *softly begins to sing a soothing lullaby, his voice calm and gentle, filling the room with a sense of peace*

Lucifer: *slowly starts to relax, his breathing evening out as he listens to Alastor’s voice*

Alastor: *continues to sing, watching over Lucifer until he finally drifts off into a more peaceful sleep*

Alastor: *whispers* Sweet dreams, Luci. I’ll be here when you wake up.

[hells-greatest-performers]

Lucifer, just go back to sleep. The more you rest, the sooner you can go home

Lucifer: *cranky* I don’t wanna go back to sleep.

Alastor: *sighs and gets up* Lucifer, make some room.

Lucifer: *scoots over as much as he can*

Alastor joins him in bed, wrapping and arm around him and pulling him in close*

Lucifer: *snuggles in close, resting his head on Alastor’s shoulder* I’m not crushing you am I?

Alastor: You’re fine. Just close those weary eyes and let your mind drift…*running fingers through his hair soothing*

Lucifer: *sleepy* Okay…

[batboyblog]

Link

[andivmg]

My experience with Luke (Punz)

CW: toxic relationship, racism, dubious consent

I know in the past i said that i would no longer speak about him publicly, and when talking about my experiences with abuse and emotional mistreatment i begged to keep it anonymous but after reflecting on this for a week and seeing so many incredibly smart and strong women tell their stories. they have given me the strength to say his name.

this is really scary to talk about because of the copious levels of harassment i have received from his fans in the past so if this spreads or gets out of hand i will simply log off.

If you read my last post, i nicknamed him 1.

So aside from everything i said there, there were a lot of things i didn’t include because they would’ve made it obvious that it was him and it could potentially backfire on me so, i’m very afraid to post this. but i’m going to do it scared anyway, because it’s not fair that he gets to just go and live his life worry-free as if he didn’t practically ruin mine.

Because I already made a very lengthy post about him, i won’t include everything i said last time to avoid being redundant but if i repeat myself, please bear with me.

In our year long relationship i had to endure emotional neglect, gaslighting, verbal abuse, one instance where there was dubious consent, and much more.

Starting off at the beginning of our relationship, that’s when i was getting copious amounts of hate and harassment from his fan base (warranted or not), he decided that our relationship must be kept private. he said it was to “protect” me from his fanbase when in reality it was to protect himself. it was so he wouldn’t get all the backlash i was getting. this is funny because one of the things i got called out for was saying the B slur (derogatory term used against mexicans/latinos). I won’t get into the nuances of if i could say it or not as a puertorican because that’s discourse that does not pertain to this specific situation. But you know who definitely can’t say it? A white boy from Massachusetts. When i was getting cancelled for this and getting thousands of tweets calling me names, he decided that was the perfect time to say “I mean you are a b***** aren’t you? my little b*****.” Now, he said this completely unprompted. I was in the process of writing my apology and he just said that. I tell you this because i immediately shut him down and told him that there was no universe in which it was okay for him to say that word and especially not one where he could just call me that. While i was reprimanding him, he was smiling and laughing. he apparently found it amusing to call me a slur. regardless, he gave me a half-assed apology and said he wouldn’t do it again. and he didn’t. but this wasn’t the only time he was weirdly racist to me. this was my first time being in an interracial relationship so i was led to believe that this was normal by all the white people around me at the time. But, sometimes my spanish accent would come out and he would make fun of me and the way i pronounced some words. He also refused to visit me in Puerto Rico when i lived there or come meet my family when i really wanted him to because he “didn’t like the heat” or “it’s dangerous there isn’t it?”. Once, while we were watching season 2 of Bridgerton, he implied that the Sharma sisters were “too dark” for him to be attracted to them. This hurt me because they are brown skinned girls. I am a brown skinned girl. Then this, combined with the fact that he told me once he wasn’t attracted to me made me feel like my skin color was unattractive. These are only a few examples i can think of at the moment, but i’m sure there were more. Our relationship ended in 2022 so some of my memory is a bit hazy. But, I do remember feeling inferior to him throughout the relationship because he was white and I was not. I chalk that up to all the micro aggressions i had to deal with because i had never felt that way around white people before.

Another thing i had to endure was him constantly making me feel like he was embarrassed to be with me. Because i was cancelled, he didn’t want to associate with me too much. He did defend me on multiple occasions, I’ll give him that. But, he only did it because his name was getting dragged in the mud along with mine. Excusing my actions made him look better for being around me. In reality he didn’t really care. Because he was such a big content creator and someone i looked up to professionally, I took his advice as law. He told me to tone down my personality, to keep a low profile, to change things about myself to be more palatable to his audience. The same audience that spoke about me like “The pussy can’t be that good punz please stop defending her”. So i changed a lot of things about myself and my content to better suit what his audience liked. He made me feel like if his audience liked me, he would be public about our relationship and stop hiding it. He told me the reason why he wanted to keep our relationship a secret was because he didn’t want to get hate for it. But this wasn’t true. On my 20th birthday he went to Las Vegas for a twitch rivals event. That night i asked to facetime him to say goodnight and he refused because he was at a hotel room with his friends and he didn’t want them to know that we were together. It was as if my mere presence or the utterance of my name was a source of embarrassment for him. And he didn’t let me forget it. It wasn’t just a public thing at that point. He didn’t want people to know we were together, period. This was devastating to me because I would talk to all my friends about him. I was so proud to be with him and I was just one more problem to him. He made me feel so small and insignificant just because his fans didn’t like me.

He would berate me a lot. Not just due to getting heat online, although he did do that a lot. But in general whenever we would get into an argument or a disagreement he would always call me names like annoying or weird or stupid. He would raise his voice at me if i did something he didn’t like and call me an idiot. And that really hurt, i felt like i couldn’t bring up anything or do anything without getting insulted. If I hadn’t seen him in a few days because he was too busy streaming and i asked to hang out he would call me needy, clingy, and annoying. Granted, he might not have been wrong, but that is not something you say to someone you claim to love. He also insulted me when i was in depressive episodes. I have BPD and at the time i was not being treated properly for it. So, I was all over the place emotionally and he was what i clung to for validation, reassurance, and love. I talked to him when we first started dating about my disorder and told him that if it seemed like something he couldn’t handle that he could opt out of the relationship. I guess he didn’t think it was that bad or something idk because whenever i had really bad depressive episodes, he would tell me I was too sad to hang out with. He said that my sadness was a burden to him. Which would be fair. But, once my mother had a conversation with him about me. She told him that i am someone who needs a lot of love and caring. She said that if he wasn’t willing to put in that kind of effort into a relationship to just leave me alone. He reassured her that he would be there for me no matter what. He told my mother that he would protect me and my heart. He did not. He took all the warnings I gave him and ignored them and then made me feel like I was the problem. And even worse, he would say that i was pretending to be sad to get his attention when he would neglect for days at a time.

There were also some smaller things like the fact that he made me feel really guilty whenever he would spend money on me. Also, he would be really mean about my eating habits. For context, i used to suffer from an eating disorder. I was anorexic and had a really unhealthy relationship with food during high school and my first year of uni. This relationship began when i was recovering from my ED. For me, eating was really hard. So i had certain comfort foods that, while sometimes unhealthy, at least it was something to eat when i didn’t feel like eating anything. He knew this. Yet, whenever i would crave some of these foods he would call me fat. Constantly told me I’d gain weight from eating all that junk food. Saying that to someone with an eating disorder is crazy. Other smaller things were that whenever I would post tiktoks where i was lip syncing or just looking good he would yell at me and say i was looking for attention. Same with Instagram or Twitter whenever i would post photos where I looked hot. He never planned out a single date for us. I would beg him to get me flowers and he did maybe once but i’ll get into that in a bit. He would make fun of me in front of his friends to make himself look better. He let his friends say really degrading things about me in his presence. For example, once when i was showering, i overheard him on a discord call with George and Sapnap and i heard George say “if you don’t go in the shower and have sex with Andi, i will”. Once, when i was really struggling with my legs (for those of you who don’t know, i have arthritis and it’s very painful. at the time i wasn’t diagnosed but i was in a lot of pain) I literally could not walk. I had to beg him to take me to the ER because i didn’t know what was wrong with me. He didn’t want to take me but eventually i convinced him, and while we were there all he did was complain about how long it was taking and that he would have rather been at home streaming. Whenever I would talk about my interests that i was excited about like shows or books he would be incredibly uninterested and say that those things were stupid and he didn’t want to hear about them. I know all of these seem very silly or superficial but cumulatively it was awful.

Now for arguably the most serious thing i’m going to talk about. I want to preface this by saying i am just telling my side of what happened. You can come to your own conclusions about this.

On April 25, 2022 it was our one year anniversary, and i had made a dinner reservation for us. I expected him to plan something throughout the day for us to do. He told me he was going to spend the whole day playing Valorant so I got upset and cancelled the reservation. After a very heated argument, we calmed down and i asked him to come over. He came over about an hour later with flowers and drinks (I was 20 at the time so I couldn’t buy the drinks myself). He brought Smirnoffs and Trulys. For context, I am a lightweight. I always have been. I literally get tipsy on half a cocktail. And that day, I hadn’t eaten anything because i was in distress over our argument. So we get to talking and drinking. I blacked out after my second Smirnoff. Apparently I drank 3 but I genuinely cannot remember anything after finishing the second one. The next morning i woke up naked in my bed. I woke him up and asked him “Luke, why am I naked?��� and he said “Because you didn’t want to put your clothes back on.” When I clarified to him that that was not what I meant, he got defensive and said that he didn’t realize how drunk I was. He proceeded to tell me that I initiated sex with him and that i was very enthusiastic about it. He said he didn’t know i could black out on three smirnoffs. He made fun of me for being a lightweight and continued to make light of the situation. Then he mentioned that i fell off the bed at some point in the night and that it was funny how drunk I was. I then questioned him. Because if he thought that me tripping and falling off the bed because i was so drunk was funny, how did he not know that i was too drunk? He responded by saying that i fell off the bed only after we were done. That day I broke up with him. I’m still really confused about what happened that night. I don’t remember anything and all I have to go on is what he said to me. We were in a relationship at the time and he says he didn’t know how drunk I was so I’m not sure what to call what happened. A while after that day, his friend that hmu while we were broken up and I started talking again and i confided in him about that night. He told me to be careful saying things like that because they could get me into trouble. I spoke to some of our other friends about it and they told me it was no big deal and that it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know how drunk I really was. Because I don’t remember, I have been led to believe that this is not a serious matter. You can think what you want, come to whatever conclusions you want. That is just my side of the story.

I want to add that I’m not proud of how I acted after the relationship ended. I felt really angry at all the shit he put me through and I guess a part of me wanted him to hurt even a quarter of how I did. So I started talking to his friend and got involved with him. This backfired on me because his friend ended up really hurting me too so ig i got my karma. But the thing that hurt the most is that because of what I did, some of our friends took his side in the break up. I was told that I did something terrible by getting involved with his friend that he was already insecure about and that he didn’t deserve that. These are the same friends who were witness to the dumpster fire of a relationship we had and all the things he did to me. They turned their backs on me because of this one thing I did. But stood by and watched as he treated me like garbage for over a year.

I will conclude this by saying that while this relationship has been “over and done with” for almost two years now, I carry a lot of trauma from it still. I still talk about him in therapy and have had to put in a lot of work to heal from what he did and i still cannot say that i am okay. I am very blessed to now have a patient and understanding partner who has helped me heal from that trauma and i just want to quickly thank him for that. Nobody deserves to go through what I did. While yes, it was a toxic relationship, and I had a part in that, it does not excuse all the awful things he said and did to me. This is my truth, thank you for taking the time to read it.

[obiwan]

JEREMY ALLEN WHITE | NYC (22.09.2023)