#sorry it’s midnight i’m rambling about nothing lmao

[mal3vol3nt]

i love aang for his silliness, kindness, and bubbly approach to most things. he’s such a beam of sunshine, a literal figure of hope with a whopping ton of charisma and an adorable smile. but one of the things i love most about him is his anger.

his anger is sometimes overlooked because he doesn’t approach it in the same way other characters do. zuko and katara wear their anger prominently, and it’s clear that many of their actions are motivated by it. whereas aang’s anger is very internal and masked, but is also so present in him. obviously, the avatar state makes his anger and grief clear as day, but that’s pretty characteristic of the avatar state and it’s something aang has to work toward controlling. when he’s in his normal-conscious self, his anger is sitting beneath the surface, overshadowed by his smile and surprising wisdom.

and this kid has a lot to be fucking angry about, yet he works toward keeping it from exploding externally because he knows that, as the avatar, that can be dangerous not just for him but for others. and he’s motivated by the want to keep his air nomadic views alive by keeping the peace regardless of his internal conflicts. aang is not a violent person and his anger is not violent, but it is still so prominently there and i love watching it. not because i enjoy seeing him unhappy—that’d be insane—but because i appreciate how his emotions regarding the genocide of his people and the expectations set upon him as a 12 year old avatar are written into his character. he’s so complex and his anger can be so overlooked sometimes. yes, he is peaceful person but he is also so angry! and that’s okay. he’s a human who’s lost so much in (from his perspective) such a short amount of time. he’s angry!

[bunnylovesani]

A Birthday Affair 2

Summary: Past midnight is when the real birthday celebrations start and the best gift you could’ve asked for is to get stuffed. Full of cake, of course. You just better hope Padme doesn’t wake up.

Content warnings: P in V sex, oral sex, cheating, generally immoral activity lmao

WC: 3.2k

“Would you stop whining about it already? Give me a fucking minute to put on my shoes and I’ll get you the stupid replacement.” Anakin yells in Padme’s direction, on his way to buy you another birthday cake after the last one went up in flames.

“It’s not for me, it’s for her!” She points at you and Anakin sighs, giving you an apologetic look.

“Yeah well, she doesn’t seem to be half as fussed about it as you are.” He grabs the keys by the door and throws on a navy blue baseball cap. “Be back in twenty.” He seems to say only to you and the act of defiance doesn’t go unnoticed by Padme.

“God, what a jerk. I don’t know what’s gotten into him lately but he seems to be even more unbearable than usual.” She steps out onto the terrace of your shared apartment and you follow her. “You spend every day with us, tell me- has he said anything to you? You know, about us?”

You shuffle on your feet nervously and let out a huff. “No, nothing.” You decide to keep your lies simple and easy to follow.

“That’s even worse!” She whines. “He doesn’t mention me at all?”

“I didn’t say that.” You deflected nervously.

“So he does talk about me?” Noticing your hesitance, she puts her hand on your shoulder reassuringly. “Relax, you can tell me. You’re my best friend in the whole world, I’d never get mad at you for telling me the truth.”

“I got something that’d test that theory.” You think as you scratch the back of your head.

“Look Padme, I don’t know what to tell you- I mean he doesn’t talk badly about you, but he doesn’t mention you all that much either.”

She pauses for a moment and takes a step back, observing you closely.

“So what do you guys talk about then?” She shoots you a scrutinising glare.

“W-what?” You kick yourself for how suspicious you’re coming across.

“You heard me. We’ve been roommates for a good couple of months now.” She paces up and down the terrace. “When I’m at work and you two are alone, what do you talk about?”

“Oh, you know. The usual. Nothing special.” You reply honestly. Up until this evening, you hadn’t crossed any boundaries with Anakin- unless you count your fantasies. In which case you’d crossed them multiple times in multiple different positions.

She looks at you with narrowed eyes, processing your response for a moment before she releases a heavy sigh.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been feeling a little paranoid recently.” She slumps down onto a plump deck chair and breathes in the cold night air. “He seems distant, like he’s not really here with me, you know?” You take a seat beside her, not sure whether it would be more morally reprehensible to comfort her or to change the subject.

“I don’t know Padme, it’s between you guys- I don’t wanna get involved.” You hear the irony in your words as soon as they leave your lips.

“Of course, ‘m sorry for being such a downer- and on the eve of your birthday too! I’m gonna throw you the biggest rager tomorrow, I’ve invited so many cute guys - just for you.” She rambles excitedly and you bite your lip in guilt.

A short while later, Anakin comes home to a very lukewarm reception from Padme, who complains that the cake he bought isn’t good enough- it wasn’t the right size, the right flavour or the right colour. You thought it was perfectly fine.

After a brief but heated argument, Padme decides to call it a night and retreats into her bedroom down the hall.

“I’m sorry about her.” Anakin whispers, treading lightly over to you. “She’s acting even more insufferable than I’m used to.”

“Funny, she said the same thing about you earlier.” You smile, knees feeling weak when he returns it with his own twinkling grin.

“I can’t wait until it’s you I get to go to bed with, not her.” He speaks softly, reaching up to brush his knuckles against your cheek.

“Me neither, but we can’t do things like that anymore. Not until you deal with Padme.” You vowed, looking over his shoulder.

“I know, I know, I’ll deal with that soon-“

“Anakin! Come to bed!” Padme interjects with a high-pitched and entirely repellant screech.

He rolls his eyes so far back into his head you wonder if they’ll ever come out again.

“I’m coming!” He yells, throwing his arms into the air with a measure of agitation you’d never seen before.

“I gotta go, angel. I’ll see you in the morning yeah? My pretty birthday girl.” He grabs your chin lightly before planting a peck on your forehead and retreating into the bedroom with an indignant sigh.

You stayed up for a little while longer, deciding to tidy the mess of pillows and plushies strewn along your bed. As you readjusted your teddies, you let out a dreamy moan at the memory of your romp earlier this evening. You snake your hand between your thighs as you sit down, feeling deliciously sore- head spinning with the reminder of how right it felt to have him buried inside you. Only being granted the pleasure of having him once wasn’t anywhere near enough- you felt like you were going through withdrawal, unable to form a single thought that wasn’t about him.

Resigning yourself to a long sleepless night, you slipped your most expensive silk nightie on and crawled under the covers. Glancing over to the clock on your nightstand, you saw that it was 1 minute past midnight- officially your birthday. You wondered if Ani got you anything nice, focusing on hypothetical presents rather than allowing your guilty conscience to creep in.

Speaking of creeping in, you hear the door knob squeak with a careful twist and a festive pyjama-clad Anakin enters your room.

“Ani! What are you doing here?” You whisper, motioning to securely close the door shut.

“Sorry, I couldn’t wait- just had to come see you. Happy birthday, baby.” He hands you a charming white gift box wrapped tightly in a pink silk bow, his large palm making it look tiny.

“Can I join you for a minute?” He gestures towards your bed and you’re torn.

“Oh Ani, you shouldn’t have. I-I don’t know, what if she catches us?” You try to reason but your attention has been stolen by the pretty box, which you eagerly pluck out of his hand.

“She’s out cold.” He perches at the foot of your bed. “You hear that? Sounds like a grizzly bear operating a chainsaw.”

You giggle at his words and peel back your covers, inviting him to lay beside you.

“Or a congested walrus.” You add.

“Driving a bulldozer.”

“Well now you’re just exaggerating.” You laugh into your pillow while Anakin shushes you, playfully hitting you with your teddy.

Clutching the box as you untie the delicate ribbon, you pull out a polished gold necklace with a satiny heart pendant- engraved with the letter A.

“Ani, I love it! But-“

“I bought this a week ago.” He interrupts. “My heart belonged to you long before you gave me your body. I want you to wear it and the next time I see Padme, I’ll tell her everything.”

“Really? The next time?” You ask incredulously. You’d expected this to drag on for a lot longer.

“First thing in the morning, angel.” He reassured you soothingly and you melted into his arms.

“Okay, help me put it on.” You tittered excitedly as he clipped the necklace in place, the delicate pendant lingering over your collarbones.

“Thank you. It’s perfect.” You held it in your hand and planted a soft kiss on his lips. Pulling away slightly, you darted between his dreamy eyes and his parted mouth, trying to resist temptation.

Before you could give in first, Anakin gripped your jaw with his hands, pulling you in impossibly close to kiss you deeply. You sucked on his tongue, moaning at the subtle taste of vanilla cake frosting and minty toothpaste.

“No, wait. We shouldn’t.” You proclaim breathily, though you know your empty words were nothing but a pitiful attempt at making you feel like you’d at least tried to abstain.

“Then why does it feel so right?” He silences you by pressing his lips against yours once more, all resistance fading away under his gentle touch.

You squirm under his weight as he climbs on top of you, kissing and sucking his way down to your thighs, which he pins open until the sides of your knees are lying firmly against the bed.

“Can I taste you, sweetheart?” He asks in a hushed tone, rubbing his thumbs against your soft skin.

You nod in response, hoping that on some level not speaking would make this whole thing less sinful. Anakin doesn’t press you for a verbal response, taking no time at all before he pulls your panties off and delves his tongue into your pussy. Your hand flies over your mouth as you slip out a breathy moan, the warm feeling of his mouth enveloping your clit overwhelming you. His nails dig into your fleshy hips and his grip around your thighs strengthens- swollen veins protruding through his forearms as the adrenaline courses through his blood.

You whimper into your heart-shaped pillow, gnawing at the frills as you feel the tip of Ani’s tongue working circles into your sensitive bud.

“You taste so good, baby.” He raises his head and you take in the sight before you: lips parted, wetness dribbling down his mouth and half-lidded eyes glaring at you lustily. “I can’t wait angel, ‘m sorry.” He mumbles, getting on his knees and dragging you down by the legs. He doesn’t bother removing his plaid pyjama bottoms, simply pulling them down and letting his cock spring up over the waistband, achingly hard. You can practically see it throbbing, the tip a glistening dark pink.

“Can I? Please, baby.” He whines, rubbing his tip along your soaked folds. You nod once again but he seems unsatisfied.

“Talk.” He demands simply. “It still counts as fucking even if you didn’t say a word.”

You frown at him, not appreciating how he just burst your bubble.

“Fine.” You huff and he raises an eyebrow.

“Are you giving me attitude?” He comes closer, tip kissing your entrance. “‘cus now would be the wrong time to do that.” He hisses and slides right in, filling you up all at once and giving you no time to adjust to his size. You mewl and writhe beneath him, gripping the sheets as he puts all his body weight on you and covers his hand firmly over your mouth.

“Do you want her to hear us? Shut up and take it.” He spits venomously as he gives you deep and slow thrusts, his cock reaching all the way up to your guts. You moan helplessly as he holds you in a near headlock, silenced with his strong arms and legs pinned wide open to make way for him. Your legs tremble as your pussy greedily accepts his length, squeezing it with its plush walls.

“Slutty little pussy, ’s gripping me so tight.” He grins against your neck. You’re not sure what it was about sex that brought out such a dominant and mean side to Anakin- but you weren’t complaining. The sound of arousal filled the room, your wet slickness gushing against him as his balls slapped against your ass. Hearing the lewd sounds, he slowed down a little, cautiously guiding his cock into you in such a way that would elicit the least amount of noise.

Just as you fell into an entrancingly good rhythm, a knock was heard at the door.

“Hey, you sleeping? Anakin’s gone somewhere.” Padme’s sleepy voice reverberates through the door.

You look to Anakin for guidance with an expression of panic but he looks completely calm- doing nothing besides slowly removing his hand away from your mouth, still sheathed in you. You consider not replying and pretending you’re asleep but quickly realise the light of the lamp shining under your doorway is a dead giveaway.

“Um, I’ve just gone to sleep now.” You answered with bated breath, wondering why Anakin hadn’t pulled out yet. “Has he really? Dunno where he could’ve gone.”

As if this exchange wasn’t challenging enough, Anakin begins fucking into you again, a wild smirk plastered on his face as he thrusts in and out.

“Ugh can I come in?” She whines, no doubt wanting to rant about her failing relationship. The hunk on top of you reaches down and starts rubbing your clit, staring into you with great amusement as you unsuccessfully attempt to bat him off.

“Uh- um, no Padme I’m sleeping, ah we’ll talk tomorrow!” You tremble, hoping your words didn’t come out too shaky.

“What are you doing in there? Are you okay?” Suddenly the door swings wide open and Padme walks in on the sight of her boyfriend on top of her best friend. You only catch a glimpse of her face for a moment- a screwed up expression of horror and disgust- before she turns around and reaches for the vase on top of your chest of drawers. Anticipating her reaction, Anakin towers over you protectively as Padme hurls the glass vase in your direction- the water spraying over you both as it flies over the bed, smashing into a million tiny pieces against the wall.

“You fucking whore!” She screams. “And you! You jerk! How could you fuck my best friend?!” Anakin throws an unphased glance her way for a moment before turning his gaze towards you, brushing his hand against your face gently and locking your lips in a soft kiss. The look of adoration he gives you, ignoring Padme completely, reassures you that you are the only one worth his attention.

“Oh, I’m gonna be fucking sick.” She splutters as she walks out of the room, slamming the door shut and mumbling curses to herself.

“Ani, get off! I need to go talk to-“

“You don’t need to do anything other than be in this moment right now, with me.” He pins you down by the wrists and glares at you, pushing in until the very base of his cock is flush against you. You want to fight him, to get up and chase after your friend but the pleasure has made your legs numb.

“You can leave when I’ve made you cum.” He rasps, resuming his heavy thrusts and you can’t do anything other than cry out his name- no point being quiet now that she knows, right?

“That’s it baby, let everyone know who you belong to.” He moans, brows upturning and mouth parted. He looked so pretty like this, damp curls brushing against his forehead and plump lips formed into an inviting o shape. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and your throat ran dry as you felt the tip of his smooth cock gliding roughly against that spot that drove you crazy.

“Fuck Ani, ‘m gonna -“ The words flew out your mouth as your release took you by surprise, seizing your whole body in ecstasy and eliciting a torrent of guttural moans from your pretty lips. He buried his face into your chest, groaning against your bare tits as he joined you in cumming, painting your walls with his seed.

Ani was nothing if not a man of his word- so he rolled off you straight after, freeing you to leave.

“I would advise against what you’re about to do.” He speaks calmly, covering his lower half in your sheets and stretching his toned arms out before placing them beneath his head.

You ignore his comment, throwing on a bathrobe and leaving the room to see Padme- furiously stuffing articles of clothing into various bags. A nauseating fear overcomes you when you realise you have nothing to say to her.

“Don’t.” She snaps, noticing your lingering presence. “Don’t even come near me. You are dead to me.” You twiddle your thumbs standing in the doorway of her room, not sure what you were expecting.

“I’m sorry Padme, I really am. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” You mumble, barely above a whisper.

“You didn’t mean to slip and fall on his cock?” She has angry tears pouring frantically down her round face. “That doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that happens by accident.

“I meant I didn’t mean to hurt you.” You clarify gently.

“Well, you did. Oh my God, I can see his cum pouring down your leg.” She points in disgust and you cross your legs. “Is that what I saw earlier? I thought you spilt water or something, God I’m so stupid.”

“No, you’re not, this is all-“

“You’re right. This is all your fault, you dumb fucking slut. You’re nothing but a brainless whore.”

“That’s enough.” Anakin emerges, dressed in nothing but his boxers, a thin veil of glowing sweat coating his toned abdomen. “This was all my fault. If you have anything to say, you say it to me.” You cower behind him, thankful for his protective presence.

“Oh, I have plenty to say.” She barges past you both, carrying her bags out into the hallway. “A year’s relationship thrown away for a quick fuck. With that skank.”

“Don’t call her that.” He gruffly responds and you can’t help but think he’s being harsh.

“Spare me. What are you, her guard dog?” She scoffs, tears dried and replaced with a scornful bitterness. “You’re going to regret this. When the novelty wears off and you realise she means nothing to you, you’re going to come crawling back.”

“That’s highly unlikely.” He looks unperturbed, amused even - strangely nonchalant over the dramatic events unfurling before him.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” She jibes, throwing her coat on and getting ready to launch another venomous attack your way when she’s interrupted.

“I love her.” Anakin states simply, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“You what?” Padme stops dead in her tracks, looking aghast.

“You what?” You parrot softly and he turns to face you, tenderly taking your face into his gentle hands.

“I love you.” He repeats, not an ounce of shame or regret in his words.

“I-I love you too, Ani.” You grab onto his wrists and gaze into his eyes with an adoring vulnerability.

“Rot in hell, you crazy motherfuckers.” Padme peels her eyes off the appalling sight before her, grabbing her bags and leaving the apartment with a thunderous slam of the bolted door.

You watch her leave with a troubled countenance painted across your face- but Ani never takes his eyes off you.

“I guess it’s just us now.” He smiles peacefully and you feel all your worries melt away.

“I guess it is.” You smile back, wrapping your arms around his strong neck and joining your lips in a passionate, cathartic kiss.

It’s not that you didn’t like Padme, nor that you were the kind of woman to choose a man over her friends. It was just him. You couldn’t help it- from this day forward you knew you would always pick Ani over anything else in this universe. Without a shadow of a doubt, he was your soulmate.

@crazy4hotmen @erinkeifer @mortalheartache @arzua10 @mugwump327

Part 1 here

[lxngbottom]

A Hug. | N.L.

in which the reader & neville get into an argument, but neville ends up coming to her first.

warnings: swearing?? that’s all i believe

randomly came up with this one!! y’all know me LMAO

—

the dorm was silent. all that could be heard was the steady ticking coming from the small clock that was placed on your bedside table. a book was in between your hands, resting on your lap as you threw your head back.

you hadn’t been able to sleep, and from what the clock said, it was about twenty minutes past midnight. which would be fine with you on any other night, but you had a potions exam on this very same school day. you wanted to be as rested up and energized for it as possible, as you knew you would probably be exhausted just from stressing about it so much.

and plus, it didn’t help that you and neville had gotten into an argument earlier. since you began dating, arguments were not exactly common. as neville hated conflict, and honestly, he never gave you a reason to be mad or ridicule him, vice versa as well. but, this damn potions exam just had you so stressed out recently. so of course, when neville had insisted on you taking a break from studying, you snapped at him. and again, neville longbottom was not a person to participate in conflict… but the way you had spoke to him in that moment just had fired him up for some reason.

it first was a simple quiet toned argument, then turned passive aggressive, and then somehow you were screaming in each other’s faces, pulling random things out of your asses to yell at each other about. at some point, you had realized you were doing nothing but wasting your own time, so you stomped away from him. and, you guys hadn’t spoke the whole day. of course he had met up with you, walked you to your classes, even held your hand in the great hall during lunch, but it was really just so no one would ask any questions and try to butt into your business.

but now, it was lonely. and blessed be, you missed the little asshole. even though you were still pissed at him, you still wanted to see him.

you sighed as you glanced at your clock once more. you then closed your book, and quietly climbed out of your bed, and threw on some shoes. you were gonna somehow mange to sneak into neville’s dorm, and who knew how that would go. you thought about the multiple possibilities, such as one of the professors catching you, or a prefect, or maybe neville would just tell you to piss off and leave him alone. whatever it was though… you were ready for it.

you walked to the door of your dorm, and put your hand on the doorknob. you quietly turned it, as to avoid waking any of your dorm mates up. and when you opened the door and began to walk out, you bumped right into a tall, familiar figure.

“merlin… sorry, y/n…”

you looked up at him, and you swore your heart snapped.

“nev—“

“i’m sorry for bumping into you… and i’m sorry for being here so late at night. and i’m sorry for bothering you, and for arguing with you. i hate arguing with you… it kills me to see you—“

“neville.”

he stopped his rambling, and he stared straight into your eyes. you noticed that his cheeks were red, and that his eyes were teary eyed. it was never too hard to tell when neville had been upset.

“what’s wrong?” you asked him gently, wiping a remaining tear from his cheek. he snuggled his cheek into your touch, missing the feeling of it. and then he took the your same hand, and held it in his own as he responded,

“i—i don’t know…” he sighed, “i’ve just really missed you today. we haven’t spoke at all since everything… and i just really wanted to hear your voice again…” he admitted, “if you don’t want to speak to me, that’s—“

you cut him off with a small peck to his pink lips, making the boy’s face burn a tinted red. even after all this time of you two being together, your kisses still made him feel all giddy and nervous on the inside. he never told you that, though, as he feared you teasing him about it.

“it’s okay…” you reassured him, “i’m sorry for everything i said earlier… it was a stupid argument that started for a stupid reason… and i handled it in a very stupid way…”

silence fell between the two of you for a moment. neville was staring at you, yet you were looking down at your own feet.

“can i have a hug?”

you looked up at him, your eyebrows furrowed slightly as his question,

“i just—“ he muttered, obviously trying to hold back tears, “i just really need a hug.”

you instantly wrapped your arms around the tall boy’s neck, and he returned the favor by wrapping himself around your waist. he clenched onto you tightly, terrified that if he let go… he would never be able to touch you again.

“i love you, flower.” he whispered, “i hate arguing with you.”

you let out a small chuckle in his ear, making goosebumps form on his neck,

“i hate arguing with you too, my love…” you replied, “and i love you way more.”

he somehow managed to squeeze you tighter when you said that,

“not possible.”

[canarypoint]

Highways and Heart Eyes

A/N: hi it’s been a while...(?) unrelated but the brie larson thing that’s going around is stuck in my head because it’s like 60% of my fyp on tiktok rn. this is inspired/based on a story my mom told me last week lmao

A/N #2 (edit): so i’m an idiot and i forgot to give it a title but if anyone noticed that before i edited it, no you didn’t.

Pairing(s): Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warning(s): none? my really bad attempts at writing flirting?

Steve can say with one-hundred percent certainty that I-95 is simultaneously one of the greatest and worst things built in his time in the ice. The potholes are concerning enough, add to it the barely-bright-enough street lights and the exhausted, largely untrustworthy drivers racing their way home at almost midnight?

He almost prefers fighting Nazis or the Chitauri.

The drive itself has been boring thus far, but he thinks it might be taking a weird turn when he finds a car sitting on the side of the highway, its driver leaning against the hood flailing their unoccupied arm around while the other holds something up to the side of their face.

Steve puts his blinker on, pulling his Stark-issued (as Tony loves to call it) car up to the parked vehicle.

“Everything alright?” he asks, wincing when the person flinches at his voice. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

“I’m fine, just waiting for a friend,” the person answers automatically. They slide their phone into their pocket with a sigh, finally turning to Steve. “Oh my god, you’re Captain America.”

“Please, Steve is fine,” he answers with a soft laugh, trailing off in a silent question.

“Y/N,” they offer in return, their hands fidgeting.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. Are you sure there’s nothing I can do to help?” he asks one more time; something tells him their earlier remark was a way to ward off creeps, not an actual response to his question.

Y/N looks at the passing traffic for a moment, their eyes squinting in contemplation. “Yeah, actually,” they say through a sigh. “My car’s out of gas and my phone just died…”

“Ah, I see. Let me call a friend of mine and we’ll have you back on the road in no time,” he offers with a smile, already slipping his phone out of his own pocket.

“Thanks, Captain,” they say with a mischievous smile as Steve laughs again.

“Steve,” he jokingly reprimands as he dials the first name he sees on speed dial. “Hey, Nat, I need a favor…”

•••

Steven Grant Rogers is an idiot. A brilliant soldier, a great man, an amazing friend, a fantastic leader (usually), but he is still an idiot out of work and off the field.

He called Natasha at eleven-forty-three at night to ask her to drive all the way to the outskirts of Cecil County, Maryland from New York City, just so she could sit with a complete stranger while he drives to the nearest gas station (it’s forty minutes away, because of course there’s major traffic tonight). If she’d known he just needed to refill someone’s tank, she would’ve stopped and gotten it on the way over.

Though, the person in not-so-perilous peril is pretty cute.

“I’m so sorry,” you ramble for the millionth time. Natasha just smiles and waves you off.

“It’s fine, I promise.” She means it, just as much as the first time she said it. It’s the thirty-seventh, not that she’s counting.

“Yeah, but, you’re an Avenger and like- you probably need as much sleep as you can get and now you’re wasting your night basically babysitting me and-”

“Hey, hey, breathe. I promise this isn’t a waste of my time. It’s not every day I get to spend time with a beautiful person,” Natasha interrupts. Honestly, how you manage to say so much in so little time is baffling.

You look down, and she can just barely make out the small smile on your face. You don’t say anything after that, and Natasha finds your suddenly-flustered state adorable.

“So,” she says. Why not start a conversation? Best way to figure out if you’re secretly a threat or not, it is her job after all. Not because in the fifteen minutes she’s known you, you’ve given her a sense of peace she’s never experienced before, she tells herself. “What were you doing out so late?”

“Oh, I was visiting a friend for the weekend, I’m on my way back to New York now,” you answer. It’s interesting how easily you’ve let your guard down around her.

Natasha hums, nodding her head as you continue to ramble about your trip. She finds herself smiling the more you talk, and eventually she asks you how you and your friend met.

“We met at NYU, she was my girlfriend’s roommate our first two years. Then we broke up and she became my roommate.”

Natasha’s eyebrow raises at the first ‘girlfriend,’ but she frowns when your smile falters. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine. It was what, four years ago?” you answer, your smile already back. “I think she’s on the west coast now, probably living out her dream as some old, rich, white guy’s newest plaything.”

Natasha can’t help but laugh, you sound so optimistic and innocent and yet the insult is anything but.

“And what about you? Living out your dream in the Big Apple?” Natasha asks.

You sigh almost dreamily, “Yeah, I work at a boxing club for kids in Queens. We teach them self-defense and give them a place to stay if they need it. Spider-Man actually stopped by a few weeks ago, said he was ‘in the neighborhood.’”

“That’s amazing,” Natasha says honestly.

“It was, he let some of the older kids try out his web shooters.” The redhead holds back a laugh at your obliviousness.

“I meant your job,” she corrects gently.

“Oh,” you laugh. “Yeah, I’m just trying to do my part to help people,” you reply softly. “I didn’t have a lot growing up, and my parents were never really around. I don’t want what happened to me to happen to them, too.”

“You are… something else, Y/N…” she trails off, hoping you catch on.

“Y/L/N,” you supply.

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N Y/L/N.”

“You too, Natasha Romanoff.” The two of you laugh as Steve’s car finally approaches.

•••

Three days go by and you can’t get your conversation with the Black Widow out of your head. Looking back, you realize she was definitely flirting with you, and you were just too exhausted and oblivious to notice. It’s embarrassing to say the least, but you doubt she even remembers. It was probably just her way of filling the silence.

You internally sigh, refocusing on your surroundings.

“Jab,” you instruct, holding your target pads-clad hands up. Henry, one of the newer kids at the gym, throws his left arm forward, his feet sliding as his glove makes contact with yours. “Stand your ground, plant both feet down firmly.”

The kid corrects his stance, smiling when you nod your head in approval.

“Jab, again.” He hits the target, and you smile again when he doesn’t slip. “Nice job, buddy. Take five. And get some water!” you yell after him as he runs to the bench.

You take your gloves off as the front door’s bells chime, turning to greet the guest. “Hey, welcome, I’ll be right… with you…” you trail off as you make eye contact with a certain redhead.

“You wouldn’t happen to know a Y/N Y/L/N, would you?” she asks playfully. She leans on the front counter as you jog your way over.

“Maybe, anything they might be able to help you with?”

Natasha watches as a kid walks up to you, asking for help with her boxing wraps. “Well,” she watches the way you simultaneously help the little girl and watch Natasha with ease. “I was told there’s this awesome place that helps kids learn how to fight, and I thought I’d stop by and show ‘em how an Avenger does it. Plus, I heard Spider-Man was here once, and I think having the Black Widow come by would be a much cooler story to tell.”

You laugh, ruffling the kid’s hair before whispering to her that she’s good before turning back to the Avenger. “I- Thank you,” you say softly. “You didn’t have to do tha-”

“No, but I wanted to. Plus, I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee after your shift?” she says as you lead her towards a locker in the back.

“You can put your stuff in here, they’re employee lockers, so no one’ll mess with them,” you tell her when she glances around the room. “And yeah, I’d like that.”

Natasha beams, and it’s immediately ingrained into your mind forever. Maybe getting stuck on a busy highway wasn’t too bad after all.

[ionlytalktodogs]

Having a really hard time rn so if you'd feel comfortable may I request some of the 2AM rambles I've come to know you for? Dunno if this is inappropriate or not

So sorry it’s been like 20 hours since you sent this ask 😭 I didn’t see it bc I was ✨on a date✨ which I’ll get to in a sec

First of all, and this goes to everyone ever, send me any ask you want to. Just send it. If I think it’s rude or inappropriate I’ll just delete it. Never be scared to send me an ask I’m very open to asks

Second, I’m sorry you’re having a hard time 💞 I hope things get better. It’s not 2am but I have to get up early tomorrow so here is my midnight ramble about the last couple days.

So if anyone is not up to date on my lore I move into college in less than a week, which is WILD btw literally never thought I’d even be accepted to a college and now I’m not only accepted to my dream school but I’m moving in in less than a week? Hot damn.

So like my school has orientation but they broke up all the freshmen into groups? That are called primers? God I hope no one from my school is reading this. Anyway in my primer group is me, this kid who has 20 3DS(es?) that they’re bring to school to just…hand out to people(????), and my crush who I’m gonna refer to as this little blue diamond emoji 💠 bc it makes me think of them.

💠 and I are doing that sort of Lesbian Flirting thing where you’re both obviously interested in each other but worried that the other one is just being nice and you don’t wanna fuck it up so you’re like nooo I can’t just say how I feel bc she might just be a super nice person! We’re both constantly like “you’re so attractive I’d make out with you right now but no homo” (we are both lesbians) and it’s. But then today we agreed to be Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy for Halloween? And there’s like…nothing gayer than that so? Idk.

We went to the mall together on a Date-That-Wasn’t-Actually-a-Date-Because-We’re-Both-Into-Each-Other-But-Don’t-Want-to-Say-it-Because-What-if-She’s-Just-Being-Nice and that was cool bc…idk…I worry a lot about how ppl view me as a wheelchair user. Like…idk! It’s just. Hard! But 💠 is also disabled and it was just cool to hang out with another disabled person. Very cool <3

We have been texting 24/7. Just texting our thoughts to each other, texting about comics we like, texting about the eternal emptiness we feel inside from having to be away from each other until we move in next week (yes we’re very melodramatic). We only live like an hour and a half away from each other so it’s not like it’s long distance by any means but we don’t have time to drive to each other before moving in bc packing and the like. Also…we literally move in in less than a week lmao it makes sense to just wait

My new wheelchair bag came today and she offered to embroider it for me and I’m like 😭 that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I might be giving her Mercane, at least to borrow, bc she has arthritis and has been wanting to try a folding cane for a while but they’re kinda pricy

Anywayyy my friend and I made a disabilities club for the school which is wild bc we haven’t even moved in yet lol but it’s taken off a lil bit. Right now it’s only freshmen but after we move in I wanna try to have like…meet ups and stuff. Hopefully then more upperclassmen will join! Love being around disabled ppl.

Also my roommate is super cool. He dyed his hair green so we match ✌️😭 so cool. He’s giving me his old Monster High DS game 💕💞💖💗

Also my bestie and I are finally gonna get to hang out!!!! I wish we were in the same primer 😔 but it’s okay bc we’ll hang out after the orientation anyway.

I made 30 or so kandi bracelets with the name of our school and I’m just gonna…give ‘em out at orientation. Way overkill? Yes. A little weird? Indeed. Am I doing it anyway? Absolutely.

I’m also low key famous now for something kind of embarrassing but that’s a ramble for another time.

[volexis]

⤷ december 12 ▸ i have fillings for you ft. sugawara

summary: in hindsight, staying up till 2 am might’ve not been one of your best ideas. that is, until you get a call from your very frantic boyfriend asking for your help in baking cookies. what could go wrong?

warnings: there’s like one quasi-suggestive sentence but other than that pure fluff (i hope)

wc: 1.5k

a/n: lowkey ngl i don’t really like how this turned out but she’s here! i was in a suga mood a couple of weeks ago and i wrote this and somehow it turned into me creating this event lmao

note: find the rest of the advent calendar here!

You all but sunk into the mattress as you let out a deep sigh. After an exhausting day, all you wanted was to let sleep overtake you as you bundled yourself in a slew of snug, cozy blankets. Your room was peaceful. The dark emptiness of the night filled you with balmy, heady delight as you shut your burning eyes for the first time in what seemed like days.

A dull buzz rang through the room, sharp enough to pull you out of your half-asleep state. You groaned and rolled over, praying whatever noise dared interrupt you would stop soon. It did, and you smiled in relief, snuggling back into your bed. The noise returned not a second later, this time, accompanied with a bright, blinding light. You reached over to your bedside table, staring at the culprit, your phone, through bleary eyes.

Twenty-four new messages alongside seven missed calls, all from the same person: your dear, loving boyfriend. You clenched your jaw after a glance at the clock, irritation clouding your mind. You answered the incoming call with a growl. “Suga, you better have a good reason for even thinking of calling me at—”

“(Y/N) thank goodness you’ve answered, I need your help!”

Any other day you would’ve hung up on him after thoroughly berating him for calling you at such an ungodly hour, but his words were saturated with desperation and something you hadn’t heard from him in a while: unmitigated panic. “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

You could practically feel the warmth from his relieved smile through the phone, and you couldn’t help but glower. “Tell me what happened.”

“So, you remember I have a holiday party at work tomorrow, right?”

You confirmed, and he continued, practically tripping over his words as they sped to leave his mouth all at once. “Ikindasortaforgotthatineededtobakecookiesforthekidsand—”

“I’m stopping you right there. I did not understand a single thing you just said. It’s too early for this,” You felt bad, but you couldn’t help but laugh at your panic-stricken boyfriend. He resembled one of his students before giving a class presentation. “Please, can you slow down and repeat that?”

He took a shaky breath. His next words were slower, sounding them out in a bashful, apologetic tone. “I kind of, sort of, maybe, forgot that I promised the kids I’d bake cookies for their winter party... now all the stores closed and won’t open until after school starts…”

He tapered off as his voice softened into silence, words practically drenched in nervous anticipation. Your irritation bled into a temperate ire as you processed his words. “Let’s see if I understand this. What you called me for, at two in the morning, was to help you bake?”

His silence was answer enough. Your anger faded as his words sunk in, in its place a resigned smile. “You’re lucky you’re so cute. Anyways how’re we even going to get this done? Where are we even going to mee—”

“I’m already outside.” You swore you’d murder him one day.

You swung the door open unceremoniously, not at all surprised to see him towing bags of supplies with what could’ve passed as a sheepish smile if you didn’t know him well enough to see the gentle yet smug grin lying beneath it.

You followed him as he strode through your apartment, wincing as he upended the contents of his bags on your counter with a resounding crash. He dusted his hands and turned to you. “Let’s get started, shall we?”

You smiled, and he mirrored it with one of his own, quickly settling into a practiced rhythm beside you. He was in charge of shaping the cookies and monitoring the oven while you mixed the ingredients. The silence that soon enveloped your kitchen was nothing if not comfortable, a perfect backdrop to the soft clatter of your latest midnight endeavor.

“Babe, I’m almost out; can you pass me that flour over there?” Nothing.

“Babe? Suga? Kou?” You turned to face him and almost dropped your bowl. His hands were still; fingers wrapped tight around the scoop, dough dribbling off its edge while his eyes glued to your figure. He sported a smile sweet as sunshine, brimming with tender adoration.

“Kou?” Your breath caught in your throat, voice barely above a gentle whisper. It was enough to snap him out of whatever reverie absorbed him.

As if embarrassed to have been caught staring so unabashedly, he turned away quickly to face the bowl in front of him, pointedly avoiding your inquisitive glances. You wouldn’t have guessed Suga was feeling so flustered if it hadn’t been for the warm tint spreading over his cheeks and up to kiss the tips of his ears.

“What was that all about?” your tone dripped with the same teasing lilt he’d use to croon sweet nothings in your ear in your most intimate moments. It never failed to send electricity singing through your every nerve, and you hoped it would affect him the same way.

“Can’t I look at my beautiful partner?” His words were more brazen than you expected, having recovered from the ruffled state he was in just seconds before. You swiveled to gawk at him, scowling as he snickered at the mild disbelief in your eyes.

“I wouldn’t exactly call this,” you motioned to your attire: rumpled pajamas far too large for your frame paired with mismatched socks, and, to top it all off, a starchy lime green apron. “The epitome of beauty.”

Suga's smile melted into something tender and compassionate as he let go of his utensils; his lithe fingers reached to cup your cheeks and tilt your head to meet his gaze. You held your breath, incapable of tearing your eyes from his.

“I don’t care what you’re wearing, you could be wearing nothing at all, and it wouldn’t change the fact that you’re absolutely radiant.”

He firmly pressed his lips against yours, chuckling softly at your jolt of surprise. The two of you part, and he leans back to look at you, hands drifting to hold your waist and draw you closer. He kisses you again, and again, and again; fervently as your mind spins into delicious emptiness.

You’re both brought back to reality as a timer beeps obnoxiously loud beside you. Suga laughs against your skin and reaches over to check his phone, eyes widening in horror as realization crashes over him. He peels away from you and rushes to the oven, fretting over the condition of his treats.

You smile from your place on the counter, lowering yourself onto one of the nearby chairs to watch your boyfriend dart around the kitchen. You check your phone, and it dawns on you that you’ve been baking for the past four hours. Exhaustion envelops your every sense, and you yawn widely. Suga notices and looks down, smiling sheepishly.

“I’m sorry, love. We’re almost done, though. I think this is the last batch. After that, we can go to bed.”

You nod numbly and rest your chin on your palm, eyes slipping shut as you gently succumb to your long-awaited slumber.

You’re woken by soft, dim sunlight streaming through the cracks in your curtains. Almost out of habit, you reach over and search for your phone to turn off any alarms. Instead, you find a plate of cookies, delicately frosted. A small card rested by their side, the ink partially smeared in Suga’s hurry. You laughed quietly. He must’ve woken up late.

Dearest (Y/N),

You don’t know how much I appreciate your help last night. It was extremely unfair of me to call you so late, but you responded regardless. You turned what could have been an evening of inevitable disaster into a memory I’ll treasure forever. You fell asleep after we put the last batch in so don’t worry, I cleaned everything before heading out! Thank you again, really. I can’t wait to see you when I come home; love.

Yours always,

Kou

A fond smile makes its way across your lips as you scan his neat yet rushed handwriting. You dropped the card on the table with a sigh, almost missing a small post-it note attached to the back. Eyebrows furrowing, you flip the paper over to read the words, gentle and deliberate in its delicate script.

P.S. Ironically, I wrote this before I wrote what’s on the card, which makes this more of a pre-script rather than a postscript? Anyways, I’m rambling, on to the actual message.

I got to thinking after you fell asleep last night. Your words stuck to me. I never once stopped to consider you might not believe me when I remind you of how gorgeous you are. You’re my everything; my heart is full of you, so full my words fail me even now as I write this.

I said it once, and I’ll say it eternally. You are beautiful. Though you may not see it, I’ll make sure to repeat it every day until you learn how beautiful you are.

taglist: @tsumuseum @amoroushero​ @mrslordexplosionmurder​ @ssat0ris​ @osamusriceballs​ @seraphgabrielle​ @1642lux

additional note: event taglist is open! Send an ask if you’d like to be added <3

[staringatthesky11]

Some (not really spoilery or in depth) thoughts on Midnight Sun...

Edward. So pompous and dramatic and emo and angst-ridden and all just so gloriously Edward! He’s utterly ridiculous, and for a mind reader he is mind bogglingly imperceptive. I will never see him the way I think SM wants me to. 

LOVED the Alice and Jasper content. So much more clarity on her visions and what she sees and how they work and how they fail! Same for Jasper’s gift and how he is seen by others - whole new insight into him for me and I’m intrigued. Already wanting to be inspired with plots because I’d love to explore this in my writing at some point. Totally did not expect to love those two in this book the way I did.

Esme...ugh. We all know Edward’s her favourite, but seriously? She seemed to revere him to level that was disturbingly creepy in this book. He is not the second coming.

I did appreciate all the flashbacks and Cullen history bits that came into it - I’ve always been here for that. The family, the vampirism, the complex history...it’s always grabbed me more than the romance. 

Rosalie and Emmett....well.

Look, we all know I was never that likely to LIKE it. I’ve written hundreds of thousands of words of fanfic basically saying that when it comes to Rosalie, Edward has it WRONG - I half didn’t even want to read this book because I just wasn’t sure that I wanted 700+ pages of Edward shitting all over my girl. 

And to be fair, there was some good bits. A couple of conversations. She lets go with some good insults. 

But I am definitely left with the same frustrations as always. Rosalie is demonised for the same things that others are praised for. Her focus is Emmett, and whether he is going to be hurt in the whole situation, and Edward is scathing about her selfishness. Never mind that he’s putting everyone else in danger because BELLA’S safety is the only thing HE cares about. Jasper would sacrifice anything to keep Alice safe and that’s honourable, but Rosalie feels that way for Emmett and she’s vilified for it. Rosalie sees so much value in humanity over vampirism that grief over losing it has coloured her whole unlife and she’s viewed as being bitter and a harpy, but Edward values humanity over vampirism so much that he would deny Bella her wish and let her die an old woman before killing himself and he’s the great romantic hero?

I have always been deeply uncomfortable with the anti-sex bent towards Rosalie and Emmett, and that was definitely there in this book. Rosalie and Emmett’s relationship can be obnoxious (and yes, that part I agree with - no one necessarily wants to be around other people’s public displays of affection!) but it is very clear that Edward sees it as somehow lesser, somewhat icky and dirty and distasteful that sex is a big part of the way they are together. (And yet BELLA being physically attracted to him, physically reacting to him, physically WANTING him...that’s different???) Nothing is said about Carlisle/Esme and Alice/Jasper and what they do or don’t get up together physically - we only get told that Rosalie and Emmett do it a lot and Edward finds that repugnant. 

Tangentially related (it’s about sex, but not the good kind) but Edward’s rage and fury about what almost happened to Bella in Port Angeles also plays into this. Bella’s innocence was nearly besmirched and he’s gone berserk, but does he ever actually think that all those things he saw happening to her, all that horror and brutality and violation....Rosalie LIVED it. IT HAPPENED TO HER. No one showed up in a shiny Volvo to rescue her. And she lives with that trauma every single day of her unlife, and Edward gives her no quarter for how that might affect her. 

The relationship of Rosalie with both Emmett and the rest of their family is something else that has always bothered me, and Midnight Sun did not make me feel any better about it. Midnight Sun’s Emmett is a good brother to Edward, but he is also basically presented as a simpleton. All we see of his relationship with Rosalie is him being the long suffering husband putting up with her hysterics and temper. There was even that very telling switch in something Emmett says to Rosalie, where in the leaked version he called her ‘baby’ and in this new version he calls her ‘gorgeous’. It’s a single word, changing it shouldn’t have any real impact, and yet it does. ‘Baby’ in that context is playful, it’s affectionate, it’s personal, it’s loving...and yet we now get ‘gorgeous’, which once again reduces Rosalie to nothing more than her appearance and their relationship back to the superficial.   

And sorry, but you’re not with someone for seventy years because you think they’re hot and good in bed...there HAS to be more to it than that, but Edward doesn’t seem to think so.

Rosalie also goes against the rest of the family a lot in this one, and we see her being the scapegoat. It is repeatedly shown that her feelings, her opinions, her personal agency, all rank FAR below Edward’s in the family hierarchy and everyone supports that disparity. (And yes okay, when her opinion is that murdering a child is a good way forward she probably *should* be the one to give in! But why is Bella watching the family baseball game more important than Rosalie playing in it? Why, when Edward throws the family all into danger and breaks all the rules is ROSALIE the unreasonable one when she points out the potential for harm?) 

It is made abundantly clear by Edward that no one in the family particularly likes Rosalie, that they all just put up with her temper (mostly for Emmett’s sake? Because of Carlisle’s guilt?)...it really seems like they tolerate her being part of the family at best. And for someone whose characterisation has them breathing admiration like air, would that ever be bearable? To spend the vast majority of your time with a family who would be perfectly content without you? I can’t see it. 

Okay, that was more depth than i meant to go into! But what can I say? I have FEELINGS here! 

Oh, and maybe I’m the only one but quite honestly I am digging that pomegranate cover. It is almost nauseating but just the visual of it so perfectly sums up Twilight vampirism for me...this ghastly thread of unavoidably grotesque horror hidden under the veneer of exquisite beauty and civility!

And also because in the medieval Twilight/ New Moon combo rewrite I did, the only time I’ve ever written Edward and Bella, a fucking POMEGRANATE was the central object of my plot! It was the pomegranate that led to the alternate birthday scene (where Jasper tries to kill her) and Edward leaves her and everything unravels in a different way and and and.... 

And when I wrote that I read all this pomegranate symbolism and was like oh yeah, it’s got to be one of those. I didn’t even write any of the symbolism in, it was one of those things that I thought no one except me would ever even think about and yet here I am, and EDWARD FUCKING CULLEN is rambling on about pomegranates and symbolism and how it relates to his life and I feel like a goddess, lmao. 

[anntidote]

daichi treated me at 9:22 🥺😌

back to:

trick or treat event || ann’s playground

9. “it’s 2 in the morning, and you’re telling me you want to go out and buy what?”

22. “please put me down.”

you must have been a villain in your past life.

it’s the only explanation that seemed reasonable for your shitty luck, clutching your bag close and picking up your pace through the busy city life of tokyo.

commuting after midnight, overtime seemed to widdle down what was left of your bones and muscles. straining your hurried steps as you let out a rough breath, squinting your eyes for the nearest, capable person.

you were being followed.

the large figure loomed behind you after you ended up locking the office and making you way into the main road. you’d initially hoped the open space and security cameras would deter them from making a move, and you’d be able to lose them in the crowd. however, the matching of your pace seemed to irk you in the wrong way.

the fact that it was unholy hours, borderlining a residential area, the last thing you wanted to do was make a scene. you wanted to settle this in the most safe and responsible way possible, and thus, when you set your eyes on an acquaintance from karasuno, you almost bawled.

“daichi-san!” your voice cut through the brisk night life, catching him by surprise. his mouth fell open once you grabbed onto his arm. “oh hey! it’s been awhile.” he greeted, as you missed the way his cheeks turned a bit pink.

“sorry, did you wait long?” you slightly pulling on his arm. “i’m sorry, wha— oh.“ his question died in his throat once he caught a figure of a man, standing by a lamp post a bit far aways, but eyes locked on your small frame. “n-no, not at all. let’s go, babe.” he threw in the nickname, taking his arm from your hold to toss it over your shoulder.

you smiled gratefully, giving into his attempts in making conversation over nothing in particular. how life has been since school, recent interactions with the volleyball team alumni, finally losing your pursuer with the twists and corner turns.

“so...” daichi started, taking his arm off your shoulder, turning to give you a look. “would you enlighten me on why you’re out right now?”

straight to the point, huh?

you let out a sigh. “i worked overtime.”

“but you didn’t go straight home?” his tone borderlining an interrogation.

you began fiddling with your hands, looking down at the ground. “... i ran out of hot cheetos...” you said in a small voice.

a small pane of silence and the beat of a cricket played instrumental to daichi’s sudden ‘dad’ meter blowing off the charts.

“it’s 2 in the morning, and you’re telling me you want to go out and buy hot cheetos!?” he whisper yelled, grabbing your hand and began pulling you toward the residential area. “i-it’s important!”

daichi swears he could feel his face twitch.

important!?

he stopped his pace, making you worry if you truly did piss him off for a moment. “i’m sorry! you were probably busy and doing something important, but i was really scared and—!” you gasped as he picked you up by your legs and threw you over his shoulder.

“daichi? what-?”

“i’m taking you home. it’s not safe for someone like you to be out and about this late at night.”

“daichi, i-“

“i’ll buy you a bag tomorrow. boxes even. just don’t go out at a time like this. you can’t—“

“daichi!” you exclaimed, laughing a tad at his worried ramble.

“what?” he grew irked at your pestering.

“we passed my house.”

he stopped his steps, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks as you giggled over his shoulder.

“please put me down.”

a/n: i love daichi sm. y’all already know i have a leader kink, so this should be out of the question LMAO. i hope you enjoyed!

[maerenee930]

7, 10, 34, 47, 55 from the 65 questions :)

7. what shirt are you wearing?

- a black cropped tank top i got from Torrid and a Black sweatshirt i got from Hot Topic that has Sam from Supernatural on it and on the back it says Moose 😅 (it’s one of my favorite sweatshirts 🥰🖤)

10. what were you doing at midnight last night?

- i was laying in my bed. my depression was (and still kinda is, tbh) pretty bad and i didn’t feel like watching anything, so i just laid in bed, was letting myself feel how i need to and just let myself be. idk how else to describe it lol. i just was there 😅 and then my younger cousin came in my room (she stayed the night for the past few nights lol) and she was gonna get ready to go to bed and then she was being all goofy and singing some weird song she made up and that made me think of something, which lead us to bringing up random little (i guess) inside jokes we’ve made over the past 2 days and from last week and we got in one of those laughing fits for like almost 10 minutes 😅 like where we just ended up laughing at each other laughs and it somehow made it even funnier even though all of it was really stupid lol.

47. if you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

- are you living the way you’ve always wanted to and dreamed of?

(going on adventures, traveling with friends and a significant other. doing what my heart desires. living life to the fullest and doing what makes me truly happy)

55. can you do any accents other than your own?

- umm… i can kind of do a british accent. like not a super cheesy or the typical one people do to make themselves sound fancy lol. i love doctor who and have watched so many other english shows so when i’m alone i will talk to myself or my cat in those accents lol. oh or one time one of my best friends and i talked in british accents the whole day and later that night (like maybe 1am lol) we went out to eat with my brother and we were still talking like that (it was hard to stop and we were having too much fun lol) and when we got to the restaurant, my brother told us that if he didn’t stop with the accent, he was gonna get in his car and leave us there 😂 it was so funny. we didn’t mean to annoy him lol but it was an added bonus lmao. and then when we got in the restaurant we slipped in and out of it and it kept making my brother so mad 😂 we weren’t doing it on purpose 😅 we just couldn’t help it.

and i can kind of do an italian accent. both my grandparents on my mom’s side are from (born and raised) italy. so they have kinda strong accents and when we make fun of my papa (my grandpa. it’s okay, he’s an ass and deserves to be made fun of) we all talk like him and do his accent 😅

and i can barely do an irish, australian or russian accent. i just try them after watching certain things and i’m not really good at them lol. if anyone wants to hear me do any of the accents i mentioned, let me know and i will absolutely make a fool of myself to entertain anyone who wants it lol.

34 is answered under here ⬇️ my answer for the next one is super long (i am so so so sorry, i didn’t mean for it to and just thought i would do this so that no one had to try and scroll past it if they didn’t want to read it. i hope that makes sense lol)

34. what was your last dream about?

- so i don’t remember my dreams from last night, but i do remember the ones from the night before 😅 so i was at some hockey game (no idea why, not really a fan of hockey at all lmao) and so in the dream not only was Robert Sheehan there, but there were some characters from a movie i used to love as a kid (a live action movie. not a cartoon lol) and the characters from that movie were flirting with me and at some point randomly one of them told me they made a bet with someone that i wouldn’t give them a kiss (i have no idea why… lmao) so i ended up giving them both a kiss each and then nothing ended up coming from that lol.

and then there was this really cute girl in my dream who was flirting with me on and off through out the whole dream and at one point she was leaving this restaurant i went to after the hockey game (she was at the game as well and then happened to be at the same restaurant afterward lol) and gave me her number, told me to call her sometime and then she kissed me and it was really cute lol.

and then not long after that, Rob came to that restaurant and i guess in my dream, he was one of my best friends and so we sat down at a table and after we ordered food and while we were eating, we were talking and catching up. and okay one point he was asking me how my day was and what i’d been up to and so i filled him in on all of it and i could see he was getting a bit bothered by it. so i asked him if he was alright and he ended up saying to me, he wanted to tell me something that’s been on his mind for a while now but didn’t know how to say it and didn’t want to make me uncomfortable.

i remember getting really nervous cause i didn’t know where he was going with this and was pretty sure i made him upset and i didn’t know why or what i might’ve done. (my anxiety likes to make me feel like i’ve done something wrong at any chance it gets 🙃) so i asked him if i did something wrong and he reassured me that i didn’t but he didn’t wanna talk about it in here. so we end up going to his place (apparently in my dream he was renting a house to stay in while he was in the US cause we were definitely no at his place in London lol. it didn’t look like it at all 😅)

and so we get settled in his place and sat down and he took me hands and apologized for not wanting to talk about this in the restaurant, for making me wait to talk about it and he understands i must be feeling pretty anxious because he didn’t give me any indication as to what he wanted to talk about. and then he also apologized for not saying this sooner. so i reassured him it was alright and that i understand him wanting to talk about whatever it is at his place and asked him again if everything is alright. so as we’re sitting on his couch, i’m sitting on it facing him but like with my legs crossed up on the couch (idk how else to describe it lol)

he scooted in closer to me and told me that he had a hard time hearing me talk about flirting with other people and saying that i kissed them. he told me it hurt him even though he tried so hard to not let it get to him or bother him but he couldn’t help it. (i honestly didn’t expect things to go in this direction lol)

so i nodded and apologized that it hurt him. i told him i truly didn’t mean to and didn’t know that was something that would’ve bothered him. i told him that i don’t ever want to hurt him and i’m so sorry that i did. he smiled sweetly at me and put his left hand on my right cheek and kinda on my neck and jawline, and told me that it was okay and i didn’t need to apologize. he said that’s not why he told me that. he didn’t mean to make me feel bad. he just wanted to be honest with me. and as he said it, he gently rubbed his thumb on my cheekbone, and said speaking of being honest, he told me that for so long he had a crush on me. he really likes me and wish he had said something sooner.

he told me he hadn’t because he couldn’t tell if i was just being nice to him or if i was flirting with him and he said honestly that he didn’t expect to have feelings for me or fall for me.

he said when he met me for the first time, he could tell we were gonna become really good friends but he honestly didn’t expect to fall for me. he said he realized how shallow this was going to sound but i’m not normally the type of person physically that he’s attracted to. (i mean, i highly doubt he would be attracted to me seeing as how i’m 5’1 and plus size lol) so he apologized for how rude that came off and i reassured him that i completely understood and wasn’t offended.

i could see he was starting to kinda beat himself up because this wasn’t going how he wanted it to and it broke my heart 🥺 i ended up putting my hands on his cheeks, pulled his face in close to mine and told him that it’s okay. i understand what he’s trying to say and i appreciate him being so honest. he gave me a little smile but still looked somewhat upset with himself. he kinda sighed and thanked me for understanding. he gave me these sweet little puppy dog eyes and said “i just- i just love you and am so in love with you and i don’t want to lose you”.

so extremely touched by what he said i blushed and gave him a smile, looked into his gorgeous green eyes and told him that i feel the exact same way about him. i said that i’ve felt that way since before we met but didn’t want to say anything because i honestly didn’t think he did or would ever feel that way about me. (and i didn’t wanna come off weird and only have him see me as a fan and then not wanna be my friend lol) but i told him that i’m so unbelievably happy that he does and i’m so in love with him, too. he gave me the cutest smile. then i pulled he face closer to mine and we kissed 🥰 after we did, he smiled and said “you have no idea how long i’ve wanted to do that” and i told him, me too. so then he kissed me again and things progressed pretty quickly to where we ended up making out for a bit 😅 and then after that, he asked me if he could be my boyfriend 🥺 and i said i would absolutely love that 💙 and he gave me a little kiss on the nose and then i snuggled up into his side and we watched something and then i woke up 😅 - sorry i didn’t mean to ramble so much and go into so much detail lol. it just really stuck in my mind and wanted to share as much as i remembered 😅 i know it’s pretty cheesy lol.

[ivy-kissobryos]

Hi, I hope you’re doing well❤️ seeing a recent reblog on planetary magic, I remember reading that you started it after Dionysus gave you a no to working magic with him— did you work with other entities when you started then, such as angels or olympic spirits? I’m also looking into planet mag but like you, idk if I should keep it separate from worship for a while and thus work with other beings where magic is concerned. Or ask the deities I’ve been worshipping first? That’s also an idea.

Hi! I don’t see why planetary magic and worship should be kept separate. See here. But yes, in the beginning I did kept worship and magic separate mostly because I wanted to make things easier to understand and because I was afraid of ‘hubris’- I’ve realized now though that there’s nothing easy or simple about magic. And also, because at the time I was worshipping primarily Dionysos and once he said no back then, I didn’t have any other deities to turn to. Now though, Hekate and to some extent, Hermes, do play some part in my magical practice.

To answer your question, I started off working with land spirits and ancestors. Do take note however, some land spirits may be unhappy with you performing certain rites on their land, and some ancestors may be against you dabbling in the occult at all. Depends on where you are and who you find. Ancestor veneration in Thailand and China (I think) isn’t ‘witchcraft’ or ‘magic’, it’s just a way of life. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t pick up useful spells or tricks from your ancestors or from the beings of the land.

Imo, land spirits are great for beginners, and in the end, you’re gonna end up working with the land anyway if you decide to pursue witchcraft. If you end up doing ceremonial magic or magic of some other current then perhaps the land spirits may not be relevant. Still, wouldn’t it be nice to know that your neighbors are looking our for you? The genius loci can be a great protector.

Oh and to answer the rest of your question: no, I didn’t work with angels back then, except for praying to Archangel Michael when I was a kid because I heard that he can save you from harm and defend you.

Sorry if this post is rambly, it’s midnight and my brain is dying lmao. Feel free to send another ask for clarifications if you want! :)

[loxxxlay]

Okay long rambling update for anyone who was concerned and for my own personal notes

First, I had to delete the post because I remembered I’m not supposed to tell anyone about my friend’s plans and I’m not sure who IRL follows me on here... (I don’t think it’s anyone who would know context, if anyone IRl at all, but... she’s my bestest friend so better to be safe). 

So in lieu of deleting the post, quickly want to say thank you to @midnight-mismanagement and @thelightofthingshopedfor for supporting me <3 i know it seems like just a little bit to send me hearts or a hug, but goddamn, whenever I’m in an episode like that, it’s a big part of what keeps me from walking two blocks over to the library and jumping off the roof lmao. So thank you T_T <3 <3 <3 i can’t say how much it means to me that you both care (and thank you to anyone who has ever comforted me at such a time)

Anyway now for update... I’m in Ritalin-Ramble-Hour so it’s gonna be longer than necessary.. but it’s mostly so I remember what happened when I go to therapy because I probably won’t remember any of this in 3 hours (especially because I’m super loopy on drugs for most of it)

So, I’m feeling a lot better! I took a fourth of a clonazepam pill and it took until now (maybe a couple hours) to work but I’m a lot calmer now. So calm that I was actuallly able to convince myself to take a ritalin half an hour ago. (For some reason, I was scared taking ritalin would just make the Emotional Bursting Chaos inside my brain worse. During the RSD/Panic ep, I wasn’t planning to take ritalin at all today, but with how calm I am now, I figured it was still early enough in the day to get away with it. (If I don’t take it, I’ll get tired too early and just scroll facebook all evening instead of do things.)

I did self harm a little :/ I tried really hard not to. I went to the bathroom and cried and half-screamed a little. I tried stabbing, ripping, and drawing my pen over the paper angrily, and nothing worked. :( I literally could not cope, even like 30 minutes after clonazepam. I was just dying and having repeated “kill yourself” or “kill your best friend” thoughts lmao, and they needed to stop. I am at work lol, I can’t have thoughts like that at work. So it was just 3 barely anything scratches from a staple on my arm. I’ve never done something to make myself bleed, but this time was even lighter than usual. (Maybe I should doublecheck that I’ve received a tetanus shot recently though.)

Then after that, I was more like... hopeful? My brain was actually trying to get out of the funk instead of just struggling to breathe. So my brain was like, “dude, there’s a song in frozen 2 that fits your feelings perfectly,” maybe that will help you channel this out and start “doing the next right thing” (or i.e. my next work task lmao). So I just listened to that song on repeat for a few minutes and then finally got myself to start working.

Zoned out in work for a while, hyperfocused. Still kinda was scatterbrained and disoriented, so it took me 5 times longer to do things than usual. But by the time I finished the next 2 tasks on my list, my clonazepam was working and I’m back here now.

Not happy. Very unhappy still. Very fragile and numb right now lmfao. I deactivated my facebook for 2 reasons: 1) so that I don’t forget about promise to secrecy and start vague posting all about it, surely ruining our friendship... and 2) so my RSD doesn’t make me start screaming hatred at my friend for things that aren’t her fault (RSD likes to trick me into thinking it’s her fault and blaming her :/ like “how could she do this to me” rhetoric). (and 3 because im an attention whore wondering if anyone on there will notice or care lmfao)

In general, I’m kinda angry at my friend. She offers to do things to help me through crap and then she changes her mind later for her own benefit... which is her right. She has to live in a way that makes her happy, and she doesn’t have to help me through anything. It’s more.. the flip-flopping. Like I wish she hadn’t offered in the first place, because now I just feel... really strung along and really betrayed... I don’t feel like I can trust her anymore? :/ Very upset about that. (fyi, she is sorry about hurting me like this btw. she’s not mean. just indecisive)

So yeah, I don’t wanna talk to her until I sort out what I really feel versus what RSD is telling me to feel :/ bleh :/ so I guess in a few days, we’ll decide whether she’s my best friend or not anymore

deep breaths.

Just gonna try to quit thinking about it for a while.

Sorry for rambling, I’ll delete this once I show my therapist in a few weeks.

[nyxeze]

about the bad ending...

MAJOR P5R SPOILERS BELOW

ok so i know i have like. 2 followers on here and neither of them care abt persona but i wanted to talk abt it bc tumblr is basically the only place that people are discussing spoilers.

i apologize if this isn’t very coherent, i’m kind of just rambling about this at midnight, but i can’t stop thinking about the bad ending.

as you can see in the end card, akechi and ren are off on their own, away from the rest of the group. i’ve seen many people interpret their placement as “those who know the truth vs those who don’t” but i would argue that it’s less so that and more so “akira with his wish”. if it was the former, wouldn’t it make sense to have sumi with them, since she was aware of maruki’s palace as well? in fact, i would argue that no one in this world knows the truth...but i’m just going to focus on akechi specifically. in this “paradise”, akechi doesn’t know about the dream world at all and maruki used his cognitive powers to force him to “forget”.

all translations are from lokiarsene btw!

throughout the conversation with maruki, akechi is VERY much against the idea of the dream world. he’s uh, never exactly subtle about it. but it’s especially highlighted in this one particular response to akira telling akechi he’s considering staying in it.

akechi despises people feeling sorry for him a lot. this is seen in the engine room, where he’s often shouting things like “don’t you dare pity me!” while fighting him. that’s why he claims that akira is “betraying” him by even considering it. akira is supposed to be his friend, the one person who understands him -- NOT another person to look down on him via false sympathy. in his eyes, maruki’s world isn’t a happy ending. it’s just the manifestation of akira’s pity.

when akira commits to his decision of giving up on fighting maruki, akechi is pissed. he tells him the “i have nothing more to say to you” and then proceeds to storms off. his sprite shows his pure rage pretty well. and yet, in the bad ending, he acts as if everything is fine. yes, you could argue that a lot of time has passed and he’s cooled down but we know akechi isn’t one to just forgive and move on. akechi held a grudge against shido since he was a CHILD, there’s no way he’s going to be like “oh yeah you threw away our one chance to face reality but that’s all in the past haha :)!”

if akechi retained his memories in the dream world, he’d be doing everything he can to tear it down, despite what akira wants. he wouldn’t accept it lying down. he wouldn’t be playing chess and partying with a smile on his face. and he most certainly wouldn’t have the man behind the dream world in the first place take a picture of the group without at least some jab or showing of anger (but i’ll expand more on that in a second).

there’s one more piece of dialogue i wanna analyze in the 2/2 conversation.

when akira tells him that he’s going to fight back against this “paradise” akechi responds like this:

this highlights two things: 

1) another reason why akechi wouldn’t want the dream world. it reminds him too much of shido and his manipulation of children to get what he wants.

2) “i’m sick of being controlled” he knows he won’t have free will in this world.

and it’s the second part i want to expand upon. we’ve SEEN maruki alter personalities and thoughts at will. he made madarame and okumura Not total jerks and made sumi think that she was actually her sister. now that maruki knows that akechi realized the truth, it’s not far off to say that he would change akechi so he won’t rebel, too. he’d do anything to keep his paradise in tact, and since akechi has been openly hostile throughout the entire conversation to the idea of maruki’s paradise, having akechi remember everything is a threat. akechi’s smart; he must’ve realized this too.

but what’s arguably most damning is not in the 2/2 conversation, but in the bad ending. when maruki walks away, akira is the only one left in his direciton and not towards the group.

it’s meant to represent how akira realizes that something is quite Not Right with the man who took their photo. what’s most important about this, however, is that akira is the ONLY one who has this reaction. not kasumi, not any of the other pt, and especially not akechi. and as said before, if akechi remembered about reality, there’s no way that he wouldn’t recall what maruki looked like. he would probably make some biting remark too; post engine room akechi has withdrawn any “masks” he had. he would have no reason not to show some anger towards someone he so openly hates.

anyway! i feel like i got my point across. akechi in the bad ending most likely does not know this isn’t reality, so to characterize him as acting complacent for akira’s sake is probably wrong. 

i think i would like to make another one of these posts, but discussing the theme of maruki’s character and how he uses “rewards” and “dreams” to suppress rebellion (as opposed to the rest of the adults use of “fear”) but that’s for when the localization comes out and my monolingual ass can actually understand it all without relying on lokiarsene lmao. also on a better computer hopefully...i blame any misspellings in this on it.

[theexecutionerssong]

Hello I’m awake so since apparently some of you enjoy these, it’s time for a recap of last night’s screening and Axel’s play :) sorry again for rambling for so long, I’ll put it under the cut

First when we were still outside, I realized how absolutely lucky we are because when David arrived, he gave la bise to 30+ fans, calling them by name, saying he was happy to see them again etc and stayed to chat a bit and like... where else do you get to meet the showrunner of your fav show and he calls you by your name and everything? wow

Anyway, we got inside, the screening started with the tvslash people and the crew thanking us and getting the cast on stage, but since I’m uploading the video of the opening and the whole Q&A with subtitles on Youtube I won’t repeat everything that was said here. Just a few highlights : bloopers are coming but they won’t tell us when and the cast will probably discover them at the same time we do ; they are planning something “bigger” for the beginning of June and we’re “all invited” ; they don’t know yet about other seasons, they know we are all waiting for news but there was nothing new to say.

The cast and crew (Assa, Laïs, Marilyn, Michel, Maxence, Coline, Lula, Philippine, Robin, Moussa, Zoé, Gigi - maman Bakhellal - David, Niels, Jeremy, Xavier) was adorable as always. Simo, who plays Sana’s brother, was here too, it was really cool to get this Moussa/Simo duo on stage. Laïs got there between the two episodes and Michel in the middle of the Q&A. Michel hadn’t seen the clip yet so Marilyn showed him on her phone and he was like “WOW THAT’S NOT DRAMATIC AT ALL” azedfghj. Maxence, human cupcake as always, gave his seat to someone else and sat on the floor but then David made him get up and told him to sit on the second row, thank you David for not letting him on the floor again. He ended up sitting to my right and uhhhh do you know how hard it was not to turn my head to watch his reactions instead of the episodes? he’s so distracting, playing with his rings and biting his fingers all the damn time. Good (bad?) thing is, I got to see his reaction when Lucas said that Eliott made him doubt, about Idriss not wanting to see him, and he got that tight lip smile, you know the one, and quickly raised his eyebrows. WHAT DOES IT MEAN MAXENCE. 

There were a lot of friends and family from the cast, it’s really cool to see how supportive they are but also they are little shits lmao like after the screening when we were outside, Laïs got surrounded by fans and his friends were filming it all and laughing azedfghjkl

Assa hid her face during the dance scene at Daphné’s birthday (poor bub, and we asked her to dance after during the Q&A, she’s too humble :’)) but David, Jérémy and Maxence were hyping her up and we were all cheering and clapping. The cheers when Eliott got to the party and the kiss between Arthur and Alexia, you guys, that was LOUD. Alexia turned to David and made a sort of “i told you so” shrug. The screaming (more indignant than joyful even though people were happy to see Michel) when Charles showed up though, that was the loudest. 

After the Q&A, Michel, Marilyn and Maxence rewatched the last clip on her phone again and I couldn’t hear what Marilyn said to Michel, something along “now that’s a come back!” I think, it was cute, look at them

I couldn’t stay long after, and I wouldn’t have wanted to anyway because even though there were less people than usual, it felt way more crowded because it was raining a lot and the umbrellas were in the way, people couldn’t move around. Most of the cast left quickly (I wanna say a big fuck you again to the girls who followed Maxence and creeped him out enough that he felt the need to post it on ig, and then probably felt guilty about being so harsh - when he shouldn’t - and deleted the story). David, Niels, Robin, Philippine, Zoé and Moussa stayed a bit longer, how kind of them despite the cold and the wind and the rain (for real the weather was atrocious).

Anyway, I arrived just in time for Axel’s play and ahhhh he’s so good. He’s an amazing drummer, he so clearly loves it, he owns the stage completely even though he’s by himself, he can switch character just by blinking, the different voices he makes are on point, it’s so so cool to see. It really didn’t feel like hearing Axel or Lucas talk but completely different characters. You could hear the Skam fans in the theather because, for exemple, there’s a (imaginary) dog in the play at some point and he called her Ouba, there was an audible “awww” in the venue azertghjk, the regular theater goers were so confused. 

There was a good 100 of us who stayed after and he talked and took pics with everyone even though he was being pressured by his PA and the theater people to hurry it along (they should have closed the theater hours before and when I left it was half past midnight and he was still going). His voice was completely fucked and so rough but he was still as enthusiastic as always. Sorry again to the person who asked me to ask him about writing them a tattoo, that’s just something he won’t do, (well he felt so bad about saying no he started doing it and then stopped and said no, he just couldn’t). He doesn’t want that kind of responsibility and said his writing was way too shitty anyway. He remembers people, it’s so funny, he was like “wait I remember you, I’ve seen you before right? *turns to other people* guys I remember her! ahah yes I’m that guy who’s so proud of himself for remembering” well yes!! Axel you should be because there are so many of us and YET?? How grounded and down to earth :’)

Anywayyy sorry again for the long post, nothing too interesting but that’s all I can remember for now.

[blckrcses]

           wassup  i’m  tata  aka  an  nineteen  yr  old  owl  tht  didn’t  sleep  for  24  hrs  redoing  themes  !!  it  cute  or  whateva  now  ;P  imma  introduce  my  girl  kim  hana  aka  thorn  (  thor?  is  tht  u?  )  lmao  anyways,  i'm  always  down  to  plot  but  also  rly  love  going  off  of  chemistry  !!  leave  an  uwu  like  and  i'll  pull  up  in  ur  ims  ♡

・。◝ ( 22 , she / her , jennie kim ) i just saw HANA KIM , sorry , THORN leaving the headquarters , listening to SAY SO by doja cat . even though the SEARCHER has been working for the crew for two whole years , i still wonder how did they end up here all the way from SEOUL , SK ?? do you also think of sharp eyeliner, high heels tapping on marble, golden highlighter illuminating under a setting sun, late night drives, and running around convenient stores at midnight when you see them ?? it must be because they’re so versatile and cunning , but also kind of inelegantand spiteful . ( tata , 19 , she / her , est . )

hana grew up in the big city of seoul, and honestly, she practically raised herself. with an absent father and a good for nothing mother, she was forced to mature at a young age. most of the time she would cook her own meals in the empty apartment, study like crazy, and go to sleep only to repeat the cycle everyday.

now, she wasn’t well off from her family because they were out doing their own things most of the time, but because of her looks she ultimately was treated like a princess by classmates from elementary to high school. 

she was very careful never to reveal her true family structure to anyone else, so they would just assume after seeing her new makeup and accessories she was wealthy.

it was supposed to be a one time thing. hana had always been great at strategies, and when her so-called friends wanted to shoplift some expensive makeup, she easily obliged—after talking herself a deal of them pocketing half and her walking away with half as well. 

she made such a plan that none of the cameras would see them at the angle at which they were stealing. it worked out in the end and while she was onlooking the whole operation, she felt a rush that she never felt before. it was something different in the tasteless cycle of her life.

change was coming faster than hana expected, and soon it was getting bigger. more makeup, clothes, handbags, but never jewelry. jewelry was something too risky, even for her. but one faithful day in her last months of high school, hana devised her best plot yet. it was full-proof. all that was left was to assemble the team, and they would be in and out. she honestly just needed the money for her plans to go to college in the states, away from her shackling life, but lied to the classmates that were up for it. she made up a lie about how it was all just a game- like some sort of escape room. the incentive for the students was a cash prize she claimed to be at the end and signed autographs from famous idol groups.

hana scammed them so hard, taking all the jewels and selling it for twice the value. she ended up making a revenue of 3 million US dollars. 

however, the students that eventually realized what went down went hunting for her without police because bro they literally committed a crime by accident lol dumbasses ( hana rly picked the dumbest bunch that would j do what she said )

as smart as hana was, the money was stored in the apartment that she thought no one entered except for her. but, she was wrong, and her parents paid her a visit just days after the heist. they found the money, robbed her ( IRONY? KARMA? IDK ! ), and left a mere 40k for her to live the rest of her life on her own with. the apartment was put up for sale, and she found herself on the cheapest flight to spain after graduation.

she joined the crew out of self interest and honestly was in it for her own cut for about two years. ig after that long with them she grew a lil heart and finally accepted them as people that she can relate to and would lw take a bullet for. in the beginning it was all about the goal, but now it’s about the goal and safety more than anything.

summary: i j rambled how she was a scammer and got SCAMMED !  (tables were turned) and then went to japan to get far enough out of the reach of her old life, but close enough to turn around and go back for revenge *cue evil screech*. she grew a heart, but it’s still underneath a lot of sarcasm and sass ;o hmu 

[tempestaurora]

WHUMPVEMBER #24: DROWNING

alright this is the Suicide Attempt fic that no one needs or wanted lmao. pls don’t read if this will be triggering for you. also, for those who are reading, i’m not massively proud of this one, but i really couldn’t think of anything else to write. AO3

Tony had been having a particularly good night when he checked Peter’s vitals. He did this occasionally. Peter patrolled like clockwork, four nights a week, and Tony took to checking on the suit once or twice on those nights, just in case he got himself in some trouble and didn’t want to call for help.

They weren’t particularly close, anyway. Tony and Peter kept a distant relationship, like Tony kept with most of the people in his life, and they spoke largely through Happy and the occasional bring the suit by the compound after school so I can fix it texts.

Pepper was curled up on the sofa, Tony’s feet in her lap as some movie he’d stopped watching a while ago played in the background. The compound was as quiet as always, now half the Avengers were gone, and while Tony scrolled through his phone, Pepper typed at her laptop. It was quiet and it was nice – honestly, one of the better nights they’d had recently. There was wine, the lights were low, and at some point Pepper would probably say she was going to bed and then inform him that he was coming with her.

A good night.

But Tony frowned as he logged into the Baby Monitor app he’d made to connect to the Spiderman suit. Peter’s heartrate was off the charts and he’d been sitting in the same spot on the Brooklyn Bridge for almost an hour.

It was almost midnight. The kid’s curfew was at twelve – he wouldn’t be making it back in time if he sat there much longer. Tony scrolled through the protocols and information transmitting from the suit; they listed out one after another. The heater was off. Enhanced Combat Mode was off. Karen – the name Peter insisted on calling his AI – was muted.

Why would he mute his AI?

Tony blew out a breath and elected to call him. This wasn’t exactly unheard of – occasionally Tony would watch Peter’s vitals as he bled out from a stab wound and call the kid, seeing as the kid was insisting on not calling Tony.

Pepper only glanced briefly out of the corner of her eye as he lifted the phone to his ear. He blinked when Peter didn’t pick up.

He hummed and called again. It rang all the way through and timed out. Hey, this is Peter’s phone, please don’t leave a message, just text me. Tony hung up.

“Damn kid,” he muttered, tapping at his phone screen. He wasn’t going to text the kid, no – instead, he tapped along the Baby Monitor app until he was brought to another screen.

“Is he alright?” Pepper asked.

“No idea. Not picking up. I’m gonna force it through.”

This time, Peter wasn’t given the option to decline the call. Rather, it rang twice, as a warning, and then Tony could hear wind and traffic and heavy breathing.

“Hey, Parker,” Tony greeted, mild. “Thanks for picking up at last.” There was a grumble that he couldn’t make out. “Say again?”

“Nothing, Mr Stark,” Peter sighed. “What’s up?”

“I’m just calling because your heartrate is crazy high right now,” Tony said, “and you’ve been sitting on the bridge for an hour. What gives? Are you injured?”

“What? No, no. I’m fine, Mr Stark. Really. I’m just--enjoying the view.”

“Sure,” Tony said, though he didn’t believe it. Peter’s voice held an edge that he wasn’t familiar with. “Enjoying the view. You okay, Peter?”

There was a moment where Peter didn’t speak, a lorry roaring past. “I’m fine, Mr Stark.” Tony hated that he recognised the lie when he heard it. He knew it because he’d sounded the same way before. He’d said the same, defeated I’m fine that Peter was saying, and he knew it meant the opposite. He knew it was a badly concealed cry for help.

Tony didn’t know how to handle this, though. Out of everyone he knew, Tony was the one with issues; Tony was the one barely holding it together. Rhodey and Pepper were the strongest, most collected people he knew, and Happy always had an underlying frustration, but he was never anything but put together.

What Tony knew, however, was that when he was feeling shit, he needed people. They weren’t close, but Tony was still a person with a beating heart, and maybe that would be enough.

“How’s your Aunt?” he asked, sitting up. Pepper looked up just before he pressed a kiss to her temple, covering the receiver with his hand and whispering, “I’m gonna check on him.” She frowned but nodded.

“Good luck,” she replied, as Peter spoke in his ear.

“Uh – she’s alright, I think. Fine, sure. She’s at work right now.”

“She’s a nurse, right?” Tony asked, heading through the living room and towards the balcony.

“Yeah. She’s working like, every day, all the time.”

“When do you see her?”

Peter paused. “Sometimes I see her before school. She takes double shifts and all the overtime she can, though.” He hesitated and Tony waited, slipping out the door and calling his suit to him. “I don’t think I’ve seen her in three days.”

Tony raised his eyebrows. “Three? Really?” He’d gotten the impression they were close. From his research, Peter and May were the last Parkers left standing. The other three had bitten the dust in unfortunate, and no doubt traumatic, manners.

“She was still asleep when I went to school this morning and she was at work when I got back,” Peter said. His voice sounded dull, inside and out, like he was used to this. Like this was just how it went for him.

The pieces of Tony’s suit snapped around him and he caught the faceplate, slipping it on. Tony transferred the call, ditching his phone on the balcony and shooting off into the sky. FRIDAY set a course for Peter and Tony upped the speed.

“And school? How is it? Last time I checked you were top of your class.”

“You checked?” Peter asked. “When was that?”

“Before Germany,” Tony replied, mild. “About the same time I was finding out your home address.”

“Oh. Well. I’m doing okay. I keep missing Decathlon practice – not, not on purpose, but last week there was that weird, giant rat that I had to deal with, so I missed it. And I was an hour late the week before because I got detention-”

“You got detention?” The kid, as far as Tony was aware, was as much of a goody two shoes as you could get.

Peter sighed. “It was a misunderstanding with some late homework. I did it, but my backpack got stolen when I was out Spidermanning so I couldn’t hand it in. So, detention. Late for practice... MJ’s running out of patience for me, I think. She said if I miss this week I’m off the team.”

While they spoke, Tony’s brain was running through the possible circumstances. Reasons why Peter would keep talking when he sounded so down – Tony knew he was a talker, but his rambling was always happy. This sounded like unloading. Like he’d been wanting to talk about a whole lot of things and he’d had no one to say it to. Tony guessed it was May who’d get these conversations, but May was at work 24/7 and Peter had no one to talk to.

Then there was the bridge. Tony didn’t like that they were having this conversation as Peter sat there. He didn’t like the connotations of it.

“When’s the next practice?” Tony asked.

“Tomorrow. Every Thursday after school.” Peter didn’t tend to patrol on Thursdays and maybe that was why. Last week’s giant rat incident had been both unlikely and unfortunate.

“You enjoy Decathlon, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah. It’s fun. But you only stay on Decathlon if you turn up and if your grades are high enough, and…” Peter huffed. The wind picked up in Tony’s ear as the city appeared ahead of him. “I don’t know. I’m trying but it’s just – it’s difficult. I can’t keep my mind in the right place, you know? And there’s- it’s-”

Tony thought he heard Peter sniff and he frowned.

“Hey,” he said, trying to make his voice sound soft. “It’s alright, Peter. It’s gonna be okay. How’s your friend? The- the one that hacked the suit. Ted?”

“Ned.”

“Yeah. How’s he?”

“He’s okay. He’s- he’s fine. He’s not around much right now – he’s in like three times the amount of clubs I am, and he’s getting extra classes for extra credit- I’d do it too but they’re on patrol days, and I’d prefer to be out here, you know?”

“Yeah, kid. You’re doing great as Spiderman.”

“You think?”

“Yeah. You help a lot of people.”

Peter was quiet and Tony tried rerouting more power to the thrusters. He just had a bad feeling in his gut, sinking further and further. There was this ache in the way Peter was speaking. He hadn’t said a positive thing since Tony called him – Peter was always excited about something – and he hadn’t even picked up the first few times. Tony was pretty sure the shiny appeal of Tony Stark hadn’t worn off yet – not picking up the phone was a big deal.

“I prefer Spiderman over Peter Parker,” Peter said, and Tony hated to be right for the first time in his life.

“I don’t,” Tony replied.

“Sure you do. You wouldn’t know me if it weren’t for Spiderman. We don’t talk unless it’s about Spiderman. Spiderman’s the only reason you have an interest in my existence, Mr Stark. I’m not- I’m not judging or anything, but it’s true. And Ned – he loves the fact that I’m Spiderman, but it’s all we talk about. It’s all he wants to talk about, and I’m just- I’m better as him. I am. Penis Parker gets shoved into lockers and beaten up behind the sport’s block. Spiderman actually does something.”

“Peter does a lot, too,” Tony said, but Peter wasn’t stopping.

“There’s just no point, you know? There’s no point in this. If I could be Spiderman all the time, I would. But that’s – that’s not how this goes, and I don’t want to be Peter, anymore, you know? It sucks, Mr Stark. It sucks because I’m stuck being someone I hate.”

“Peter.”

The bridge was still too far off. It was still a good minute away.

“I shouldn’t be bothering you with this,” Peter said. “You’re probably super busy – I’m- I’m sorry. I, uh, I tried disabling the parachute.” Tony’s heart crawled into his throat. He thought he would vomit it up into the suit. “Couldn’t do it without alerting you, so the whole leaping off a building thing wouldn’t work. I wasn’t sure if I’d do it, but I used up all my web fluid so I wouldn’t chicken out again.”

Again, again, again. How many times had the kid sat on the bridge in the last week? Tony hadn’t checked.

Peter was crying, now, and Tony hated the sound of it. There was a sixteen-year-old kid crying to Tony Stark on the phone and Tony couldn’t get there in time. Tony wasn’t sure he’d be able to save him.

“Kid, Peter. Don’t do this. You’re important, you mean something.”

“Thanks for all the help, Mr Stark. Really. It was cool, getting to be Spiderman. I don’t know if you’ll speak to her, but if you do, tell May I’m sorry. I left her a note, but I just- I don’t know. Tell her, is all.”

“Peter.”

Peter made a sound that was too similar to a sob. “I’m sorry.”

The line cut off.

“FRIDAY, all remaining power to the thrusters.”

“It’ll overload them – you’ll only have thirteen seconds before they go.”

“Just do it, FRI.”

The power shot him off through the sky, above the skyscrapers and towards the bridge. At six seconds, he searched frantically for Peter on the side of the bridge where he’d been. The tracker to Peter’s suit led to the water.

At eight seconds, he was plunging into the river, the faint lights of the Iron Man armour shining through the dark. Nine, ten. There was nothing, nothing – then a shape. A figure. A person.

Peter.

The red Spiderman suit looked muddy in the dark, and Tony grabbed onto it, pulling Peter into his arms.

Eleven, he was out of the water. Twelve, thirteen-

The thrusters sputtered out and they freefell towards the bank of the river.

Yelling, Tony grabbed Peter tight in his arms and span until the armour was beneath them, breaking the fall as they landed hard on the concrete bank. The suit scratched and scraped, squealing and sparking as the two of them ground to a stop.

Tony was took three deep, panicked breaths, then asked FRIDAY to open the suit.

Peter had rolled out of his arms somewhere during the landing and Tony scrambled to his feet, running the few metres to where Peter was slumped on the ground.

He yanked the mask off, Peter’s face pale and soaking wet.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck-”

He hadn’t been under that long, right? Ten seconds, maybe. Twenty at a push. Tony shoved cheek close to Peter’s mouth, and when he couldn’t feel any warm puffs of air he went searching for a pulse he couldn’t locate. He never was good at that though, so he tried rolling him into the recovery position, and when nothing happening; when no water poured out of his mouth, he tried CPR.

“Come on, kid, come on,” Tony muttered.

The water that Peter choked up when he started breathing again looked yellow under the street lamps. Tony sat back as Peter coughed, then helped him when he moved to sit up.

“Jesus Christ, Peter, are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

Peter mumbled something, eyes shut, as his soaking head came to rest on Tony’s shoulder.

“It’s alright,” Tony whispered. “You’re okay. You’ll be okay. Things will be better tomorrow.”

Peter didn’t reply, just cried quietly into Tony’s shoulder – whether for the fact that he was alive, or wasn’t dead, or just because there was a deep kind of sadness that was surrounding him, Tony wasn’t sure. But Peter was alive, and there was a chance for things to get better.

Tony would do anything to make things better.

He didn’t know Peter, not really. He knew the facts and figures about the kid. Knew his grades, his resting heartbeat, the amount of times a week he patrolled in a vigilante get-up. But he didn’t know Peter. Didn’t know him as a person, and so didn’t know what the signs would look like when Peter fell into a depressive episode he couldn’t climb out of; didn’t know that Peter wasn’t the kind of person to ask for help; didn’t know the deep-seated feeling of being a burden that weighed on Peter Parker’s shoulders every goddamn day.

But he would.

He would know because Tony would make sure of it. Tony would keep Peter alive long enough to know it all, long enough to learn everything about him and how to help him on the days he didn’t feel like breathing.

And somewhere along the line, Peter would know him, too.

But that night, beside the river Peter had tried to drown himself in, Tony held the sopping wet kid in his arms as he called for a car to take them home. He took Peter to the compound, to a doctor on site, and made a call to May, who sat somewhere in a storage cupboard in a hospital in Queens and cried.

That night, he did what he could. He made hot chocolate, found dry clothes for Peter and let him say as much or as little as he needed to. And when Peter finally fell asleep at three AM on the sofa, Tony carried him the bedroom closest to his own and then went to bed, himself, Pepper asleep by his side, as he read every article and essay on depression, on the feelings that he’d felt himself and Peter was currently, heartbreakingly, feeling, until he had an action plan on how to help.

And the next day, Tony supposed, would be a better day.

[sleepyprblms]

slightly important updates (not life or death important but like, kinda important??):

that gif makes me so soft bc his brown hair, he’s GLOWING and so adorable and just really love that man a lot n i’ll never understand how i used the softest man as tae aka the living and walking disaster’s fc

ANYWAY, first things first as an explanation for my very shitty activity from last week: last Friday, my best friend was hospitalized and so, that really scared me and set off my anxiety and is what prompted me to give up max. i mean, i also didn’t feel competent to keep all three characters active with my anxiety, and because he was so new and i hardly developed him, it only seems right for me to give him up and keep KJ & Tae. 

secondly to explain THIS weeks spotty activity, I pulled a muscle in my lower back while playing with my niece and nephew, therefore sitting up at my desk HURTS and i can only sit up for so long before feeling like a giant stepped on me && then, to top it off, I’ve come down with the flu. my older sister and I both have it, and our mom has basically quarantined us to our rooms (this only proves that no matter how old you get, you’ll always be seen as a child/baby in your parents’ eyes lmao) which isn’t a problem, since I have my computer in here; but again, the sitting up for too long hurts and it’s just been making it really hard for me to force myself up and out of bed to do anything.

so, i know in no way is me only doing one reply on each of my muses proper activity, but I felt incredibly bad for not being on and having really bad activity, so I forced myself out of bed to do those two replies. tomorrow, i will have proper medication and hopefully it will help alleviate the aches i’m feeling and even if it does, I will be on tomorrow (or, later today, since it’s midnight). I just really feel bad, and felt i owed an explanation to anyone (and everyone, especially meg and ren if y’all lovelies happen to read this!) because i hate taking hiatuses and i’ve already taken a few, and i just.. i don’t want it to seem that i don’t want to be here, when it is the exact opposite. I might have to take another, but i’m trying not to and trying to not even think of that as an opinion; but it’s still there in the very very back my mind. 

and, wow, this got longer than what i intended for it to be. but, it’s all the updates and stuff i felt i should bring to light?? or at the least get off my chest. sigh, i’m sorry for rambling, i just feel so bad about my lack of activity. I LOVE THIS GROUP SO MUCH, AND EVERYONE HERE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT SO LOVELY, WARM AND WELCOMING AND WHEN I SAY THIS IS EASILY ONE OF THE BEST GROUPS I’VE EVER BEEN IN, I MEAN IT. THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A SEAGROVE, AND THERE WILL NEVER BE A GROUP LIKE THIS ONE AND I’M JUST S O HAPPY TO BE APART OF SUCH A SPECIAL GROUP (because yes, in my book, this is a very special group) AND I LOVE Y’ALL AND I HOPE NOTHING BUT GOOD THINGS FOR THIS GROUP && EVERYONE HERE. 

again, i’m sorry for how long this is !!!! i love y’all and i SWEAR to be on later. i’ll force myself out of bed, i promise.