#sorry it’s just… it’s rly not that deep for her i didn’t mean for this detail to become a Big Part of Who She Is | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

justagalwhowrites · 1 year ago

Note

Hello, i love your work omg!! I had a request for another Joel angst <3 I had an idea where reader decides to sell Joel's watch in the QZ and gifting him a new one (obv not knowing the meaning behind the watch) Joel gets angry and reader becomes heartbroken and decides to look for the watch and gets rly injured by gangs in the QZ and Joel gets worried/goes after her!

OMG Hi Bestie!

You sent me this forever ago but I'm in love with this ask and then went totally overboard and ANYWAY here's the angstiest ask I've ever had, I hope you love it as much as I love you!!

The Watch

You try to do something kind for Joel but things backfire in a way you never expected.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

CW: SMUT! Canon-typical violence. I did almost no proofing on this so... ya know. Basically no age-gap, reader is 3 years younger than Joel. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ only

Length: 12.2k (LOOK I'M SORRY OK I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME EITHER.)

March, 2010

Sometimes, you weren’t sure you knew Joel Miller at all.

It was a strange sensation, when you thought about it. You’d known him for almost three years now. You’d first met him and his brother, Tommy, when they moved in a few doors down from you in the Boston QZ. Both handsome, both around your age - Tommy a bit younger, Joel a bit older - both beat down by what the world had become.

But the last thing seemed to apply to everyone in the QZ. Life now was hard. That’s just the way it worked now, as much as you wished that weren’t the case.

You’d managed to land a relatively good job in the grand scheme of things. You were a chef before, you ran part of the kitchen at a ritzy banquet hall in the city. You were used to feeding a crowd and FEDRA definitely had a crowd to feed every day, what with guards and all.

It wasn’t much like it was before. There was very little joy in it, the process reduced to the barest minimum: Feed people so they stay alive. But you liked trying to find ways to make the food good, different from day to day. You still took pride in your work, even as the overly long days threatened to wear you down. You still wanted to try to make people happy with your work.

Which is how you ended up getting to know Joel and Tommy in the first place. You showed up at their door a few days after they moved in with a few plates of food in hand, still hot below the tin foil they were wrapped in.

“Yeah?” Joel said, voice gruff.

“Hi!” You said brightly, not taking his attitude personally. Everyone was gruff here. You were used to it. You introduced yourself before pressing on. “I hadn’t seen you both around the QZ before so I thought you might be new and want a little something while you’re settling in, maybe stretch those ration cards a bit further…”

“What’s in it for you?” Joel cut you off, looking you up and down.

It was like he was finding every flaw you’d ever been afraid you had, his eyes raking over you fiercely.

“Nothing,” you smiled, even though it felt forced. “Just wanted to do something nice!”

“Bullshit.”

“Joel, you scarin’ the neighbors?” Tommy asked, coming alongside his brother and opening the door wider.

“Not at all,” you smiled, a little more genuinely this time.

Tommy introduced himself and Joel, who just grunted at you.

“I brought dinner,” you said, holding the plates out. “Just thought you might want a break after getting here is all.”

“That is real sweet of you,” Tommy smiled, taking the plates. He lifted one to his nose and breathed deep. “Smells real good, too. You a cook or something?”

“Or something,” you smiled. “I used to be a chef but now I just cook for FEDRA. This is better than that, though. Anyway, I hope you like it and welcome to Boston!”

“Thank you,” Tommy smiled broader. “Hope to see you around!”

You started coming back to see Tommy. He was kinder, he seemed like he was happy to see you. Which you appreciated. You didn’t have many people in the QZ, it was nice to have someone who felt like a friend who lived so close.

You’d come by twice more and chatted with Tommy for a bit the next time you saw Joel at all. You knocked on their door with a loaf of bread in hand and Joel opened it, frowning at you.

“He ain’t here,” he said before you had a chance to say anything.

“Oh,” you tried not to look disappointed. It seemed like that would be rude. “Well, I made a few loaves of bread today. I thought you might want one!”

You held it out, an offering.

He took it.

“Still not sure why you’re doin’ this,” he said, almost sneering. “You just never work? FEDRA jobs that kush?”

“No,” you frowned. There was the familiar pinch of tears at the back of your throat. “No, I work 12 hours a day six days a week, I just… I like to share.”

You turned to go before you started crying in front of him, like an idiot. You’d always been overly sensitive, too open-hearted your mom had always said. It didn’t serve you well in the apocalypse.

“Wait,” he said. You stopped but didn’t turn around, tears starting to slip down your cheeks. “Shit, I… Look. I’m not trying to be an asshole, OK? Just… Haven’t exactly had many people be nice for the sake of bein’ nice in a while. Feels hard to believe. Would… would you want to come inside? Don’t exactly got much at the moment but there’s coffee. Could make us some.”

You dried your eyes on the back of your wrists and hoped he didn’t notice.

“Yeah,” you sniffed a little before turning around. “Yeah, OK. Coffee sounds good.”

It was awkward at first. Joel was stiff, clearly not used to having someone else around who wasn’t his brother. It reminded you of when you’d adopted a dog from the shelter when you were in your 20s. You brought him home to your apartment and let him off the leash and it was like he didn’t know what to do. He could recognize that this was a home, that it had a kitchen and a living room and a couch. He just couldn’t find his place in it. An interloper. Something that needed a map to help navigate a new yet familiar land.

“How are you liking Boston?” You asked after a few minutes of awkward silence.

He shrugged.

“Fine,” he said. “Still tryin’ to figure out if it’s better than out there or not.”

You nodded slowly.

“I’ve wondered that, too,” you said. “But I’ve never been out there. I’m just not sure it’s worth it to try and figure out the difference.”

He was almost kind while you were there. Well, definitely kind by Joel standards, almost by anyone else’s. But you’d take what you could get. Especially since you imagined that would be the last time something like that would ever happen.

You were wrong.

When you made pasta a few days later - the sauce surprisingly good for something thrown together from leftovers from the guards’ mess hall - you brought plates a few doors down and Joel answered. He invited you in again, even as you tried to just leave the food and go.

The conversation was unlike anything you’d ever really had before. It wasn’t small talk - Joel seemed to find that sort of conversation excruciating - but it wasn’t anything personal, either. It occupied an nebulous third arena, deep and intelligent - discussing things like depictions of the end of the world in fiction and what they’d gotten right and what you thought might becoming because of it - but without offering a glimpse into the core of the other person.

You weren’t sure what to do with any of it. But you liked it. You liked Joel.

It happened a few more times over the next several months, you ending up in an obscure conversation with Joel in his apartment every other week or so, until, one day, things went bad on your walk home from work.

One of your cooks was too sick to work - which said a lot with FEDRA breathing down your necks - and you’d stayed late at the kitchen after, getting things reset for the next day.

It was raining and cold and miserable as you trudged home, looking forward to a hopefully hot shower and your bed, when someone stepped out of the shadows as you turned a corner. .

“Well well,” the man said, making you jump. There was a knife in his hand. You swallowed. “Look what we have here. A FEDRA bitch.”

You looked around quickly, about to take off back the way you came when there was something warm and large against your back.

“Don’t even think about it,” the man’s voice was harsh.

“I’m sorry,” you said, your hands shaking. “I’ll give you whatever you want, I have ration cards, you can have them…”

You felt the man behind you laugh.

“Hear that?” He said. “She thinks we want her ration cards.”

He sneered the last words, taunting you.

“I just…” you began but the man in front of you spoke now.

“We’ll take the ration cards,” he said, stepping closer. “Take a lot else, too. FEDRA killed my sister. Seems only fair we take a few of their bitches in return.”

“Please,” you said softly. “Please, they won’t care, I’m just a cook, they won’t even notice, I’m so sorry about your sister but I’m not…”

The one behind you grabbed a fistful of your hair, yanking your head back, making you squeal. The other punched you across the face, making you cry out in shock as much as it was pain.

“Then we’ll start with you,” he said. “And take a few others, too. We’ll just take and take and take until they have to pay attention. Won’t we?”

“Yup,” the man at your back put his mouth next to your ear so you could feel his hot breath on your skin. “We could get creative with ‘er. Know you wanted to gut her but now I’m wondering if I could make her choke to death on my cock…”

Your heart was racing, beating so hard against your ribs it felt like it should be bruising from the force of it.

“Please,” you were crying. “Please, I haven’t done anything to hurt anyone, I just…”

“You’re FEDRA,” the man in front of you said, curling his hand into a fist. “That’s plenty.”

You flinched from the blow you knew was about to land, tried to remember what you could about throwing a punch, when a sharp voice broke through the night.

“Hey!”

You opened your eyes just enough to see Joel stalking up.

“The fuck you think you’re doin’?” He demanded. The man at your back released your hair. Joel didn’t slow down. He just shoved the man in front of you back. “Think you can just fuck with whoever you want around here?”

“You FEDRA now, too, Miller?” He snapped. “Fuckin’ kill you too, maybe make you suck my dick first, too…”

Joel punched him, hard, across the face. So hard the man collapsed to the ground in one hit. The man at your back grabbed you and threw you to the ground and you landed in the mud as he lunged for Joel. He dodged the man easily, throwing a punch to the man’s torso before he grabbed a knife from his belt and thrust it into the man’s stomach. He gasped at it, his mouth agape in shock as Joel pulled the blade up through his gut to his ribs before shoving him to the ground. The man he’d punched first had managed to roll over, trying to get up. Joel held up the knife.

“Try it, Pickett,” he said. “Fuckin’ dare you.”

The man stayed down. Joel nodded, bending to wipe his knife on Pickett’s pants before putting it in the sheath at his belt. He pulled his leg back and kicked the man, hard, in the stomach, right where he’d stabbed the other one.

“She’s under my protection,” Joel snapped. “Tell your fuckin’ friends. I catch any of you fuckin’ with her, I’ll kill every last one of you. Understand?”

Pickett just groaned. Joel dropped to one knee next to the man and took his face in one hand, his fingers sinking harshly into the ruddy flesh of the man’s cheeks.

“Asked you a goddamn question,” he snapped. “Expect an answer or you’re too useless to leave alive. She’s protected. Fuck with her, you die like your fuckin’ buddy. Understood?”

“Understood,” the man managed. Joel freed his face and he slumped down into the mud as Joel straightened back up.

“Good.”

He left the man in the mud before kneeling next to you.

“You alright baby doll?” He asked, his voice weirdly gentle. You sniffed and nodded. “Alright, let’s get you up, get you home and cleaned up….”

He put his hands on you delicately. You realized suddenly that Joel had never touched you before. Even when you handed him food or he gave you a cup of tea or coffee, his fingers never even brushed your own. Now, his hands were fully on you, all overly large and delicate and warm, guiding you into sitting up and then standing. Once you were on your feet, one of those large hands gingerly took your chin and turned your face this way and that, so different parts of your skin caught the light.

“Fucker got you good,” he said, shooting the man who was still alive in the puddle another glare. “C’mon. We’ll get you home, get you all cleaned up. You’ll be OK.”

He tucked you below his arm, guiding you away from the carnage behind you. You turned to look at it, anyway, the still living man crawling through the mud and the rain to his dead friend.

“Don’t,” Joel said, voice oddly gentle. He delicately tucked your head against him, making it so you couldn’t look back. “Don’t need to see that. They don’t fuckin’ deserve it.”

“You killed him,” you said, hating how small and weak you sounded. “Joel, you killed that man, he’s…”

“Barely counted as a fuckin’ man,” he muttered. “Got what he deserved. Don’t worry about it. C’mon, almost back…”

You were strangely numb as you let Joel guide you back to your building. He led you up the stairs and to your apartment door, something that shouldn’t have surprised you - you only lived a few doors down from him and Tommy, after all - you just hadn’t thought he’d ever paid attention.

“Gimme the key,” he said, his arm still around you. You obeyed, your hands still shaking as you got the key from your pocket and handed it over. He unlocked the door and flipped the lights on. You were glad you’d picked your apartment a bit the day before so it was at least neat and relatively clean - at least by QZ standards it was, anyway.

Joel lowered you gently into a chair at your kitchen table and pulled up another one next to you. You frowned.

“What are…”

“Fuckers got a good hit on you,” he said, looking at your face in the light, frowning. “Should’ve just killed them both but that don’t work as well for sending a specific goddamn message….”

It seemed like he was talking to himself, at least in part. You just watched him examine you, his face drawn, eyes tracing over your skin.

“Go get cleaned up,” he said, sitting back from you. You frowned. “You’re covered in mud. Won’t do a damn bit of good to bandage you up now if you’re a mess.”

“Right,” you said, looking down at your body. You’d almost forgotten that part of it. “Um…”

“Be here when you’re done,” he said. “Get you patched up. Go shower.”

You took a last look at him, acutely aware of the mud dripping onto your carpet, before you went to your bathroom, stripped down and climbed in the shower. You tried not to think about the fact that Joel Miller was just… sitting in your apartment.

It didn’t make any sense. It was Joel. Why had he even bothered to stop? Why had he intervened at all? He seemed to think of you as little more than a nuisance but he saved you. Killed a man for you. Told another that you were under his protection, all but told him to let the whole of the QZ know it. And now he was just sitting at your kitchen table, waiting for you to get out of the shower so he could take care of you.

You stayed under the mercifully warm water longer than you needed to trying to come up with an answer. The best thing you could come up with was that he felt like he owed you for all the food you’d brought over the last few months - though murder seemed like a high price for some bread and dinners.

In your almost dazed state, you hadn’t thought to bring more clothes into the bathroom with you, a fact that occurred to you when you were still in the shower. You groaned. At least there was a robe in the bathroom so you wouldn’t need to dart across the hall to your bedroom while wrapped in nothing but a damn towel.

But when you stepped out of the bathroom in a haze of steam and wrapped in a terrycloth robe that went almost to your ankles, Joel was standing at the mouth of the hall. He looked up at you and blinked twice, frozen where he stood. You froze, too. You weren’t entirely sure why, if maybe you felt like prey under his gaze, a rabbit hoping that stillness would keep the wolf from gutting you, or if the heat inside you made you want to be cracked open wide to the very center of you and consumed.

“Better,” Joel said after a moment before jerking his head toward the kitchen table. “In here, where it’s light.”

“But…” you tried to protest, overly aware of your own nakedness below your robe.

“It’s fine,” he cut you off. “C’mere.”

You kept your eyes on him as you obeyed, moving slow and cautious for the kitchen table, never turning your back to him. You still weren’t sure why.

The seat you were in before had been cleaned, as had your floor, no sign of the splatters of mud. Instead, there was a small bottle of rubbing alcohol and cotton balls and gauze on your kitchen table.

“Sit,” Joel ordered. You obeyed without hesitation. He took the seat close to you again, reaching to the leg of your chair and jerking you forward, the wood groaning as it scratched across the linoleum of your floor. He took your chin in his hands again and examined your skin, his face close to yours. You could smell him, the rain water on his skin, the remnants of laundry soap, the bite of something wild that you couldn’t place but seemed to blend with his rough beard and flannel shirt. “Not exactly a doctor but don’t think you need stitches. Just gotta keep you from getting infected. Unless you’d rather go to the damn clinic…”

“No!” You said it quickly, probably too forcefully. You cleared your throat. “No, I… No clinic. I don’t want to cause any issues and I don’t want them to ask too many questions…”

You didn’t want anything that would tie the dead body that was going cold in the rain a few blocks away to you or Joel.

“Good,” Joel said. He dabbed the rubbing alcohol on your cut cheek, making you hiss in pain but you held still. His fingers were surprisingly gentle, even with the rough callus of them. “You’re doin’ good, baby doll. Almost done.”

You looked at him out of the corner of your eye, his brows drawn together as he concentrated on you before picking up the gauze and taping it over the injured skin.

He released your face when he finished and sat back in the chair. You crossed your arms over your stomach, watching him for a moment. You’d always known that Joel was handsome. That was a simple fact, anyone with working eyes could see it. But it had always been a somewhat neutral statement. He was handsome but he was also cold and gruff and seemed to barely tolerate you outside of the unusual conversations you had when you brought something by and Tommy was unexpectedly absent. Even then, you’d gotten the impression that he was humoring you for Tommy’s sake, not out of any kindness or affection toward you. He was handsome but you’d never had anything more than a passing attraction to the man because thinking about how he must look at you, see you, hurt.

But it was like a switch had flipped since Joel had saved you. Like the only thing that had been keeping you from looking at him and wanting him had been the idea that he wouldn’t want you in return. Some kind of protective measure meant to save you from getting attached to something hopeless because, at the end of the world, what was the point of attachment without hope?

“Thank you,” you said when you realized you’d been quiet for too long.

Joel shrugged.

“Anyone fucks with you again, tell me,” Joel said. “Idiots should know better now, but…”

You nodded slowly. Joel watched you for a moment before getting up and going to your kitchen. He got a towel from a drawer and filled it with ice before coming back and moving his chair closer to yours and pressing it against your bandaged skin. Your fingers covered his, meaning to take the ice pack from him, but he left his hand there, cradling it to your face. Your eyes met his, all dark and deep and wounded and you swallowed, hard.

“Why did you do that?” You asked, whispering more than fully talking. Like it was a secret you were asking at all.

“Didn’t deserve what they were about to do to you,” he said. His eyes were still on yours. You were closer to him than you’d ever been before. Your hand slid from his down his arm to his elbow, fingers twisting in the fabric of his sleeve. You watched his jaw tense for a moment. “Didn’t… Couldn’t see you hurt.”

You leaned into him. You couldn’t help it, drawn into his strength and warmth, the comfort of his safety and sudden kindness so overwhelming it was a force unto itself. It was almost a surprise when you kissed him, that his lips were on your own.

The kiss was only soft and gentle for a moment. Just long enough for Joel to drop the ice pack to the floor, his hand gently holding your bandaged face, ensuring he kept your mouth at the right angle. His other hand went to your waist, grabbing you almost roughly, pulling you sharply onto his lap with a surprised squeak. You were straddling Joel and damn near naked doing it, the only thing between you his jeans and the robe that was caught between your thighs.

You froze as his fingers tightened on you, his lips growing more insistent, the heat in you building and burning but you weren’t sure what to do with it all.

But he wasn’t slowing down or pulling away. His kiss deepened and the hand that was at your waist moved to the small of your back, adjusting you so that your core was pressed tightly to his growing length in his jeans. You moaned into his mouth, involuntarily rocking your hips against his hardening cock. Your arms went around his neck and you pressed yourself closer to him, dipping your tongue into his mouth to taste him. Joel’s hips pressed up against yours and you could feel his bulge against you, the heat of him making your core tighten and ache.

Joel’s hands left your face and your back, coming around to the knot on the front of your robe. He pulled his lips from yours and looked down at your body as he untied it. He looked you in the eye - a silent request for permission, it seemed - and you didn’t stop him as his hands slid inside the fabric and pushed it away from you.

Your skin was still warm from the shower and the shock of the cool air against you made you shiver. Joel didn’t seem to notice. His hands moved almost reverently for your waist, then your breasts, his callused fingers running over your soft, smooth skin, cupping the heavy globes of flesh, running his thumbs over your pebbled nipples.

“Fucking Christ,” he breathed before kissing you again, your tits still in his hands. You pulled him closer, tighter, not caring if you seemed like some kind of rabid whore as you ground your leaking slit down on his still clothed cock.

His hands ranged over you as he all but devoured your mouth, grip getting harder, kiss getting more desperate before he separated from you once more, panting for breath, pupils blown.

“Let me fuck you,” his chest was heaving. He didn’t say it like a question or even a plea. He said it like it was a foregone conclusion, that he was going to have you and this was a formality.

You could only nod and he shoved your robe to the floor before taking you in his arms and carrying you to your couch. He ripped his shirt over his head and cast it aside before hurriedly stepping out of his boots and shoving his pants and underwear down and off, his cock full and hard, making your eyes go wide. It’s not like you were a virgin or anything, you’d been in your early 30s when the outbreak happened, you’d had your fair share of men. You’d just never seen a cock quite that thick.

Joel looked down at you on the couch, one of his hands wrapping around his length and stroking it once, twice, before gathering the precome leaking from his head and spreading it over himself.

“Joel,” you swallowed hard as he adjusted your legs and climbed between them. “I don’t think…”

“It’ll fit, Baby Doll,” he was still breathless as he jerked himself. “I’ll make it fit. I’ll take care of you, don’t worry…”

You nodded, not really sure you believed him, but the gnawing need inside you was overwhelming any resistance you felt as he lined his fat, almost purple head with your weeping hole. You sat up on your elbows, watching where he was going to enter you - or try to enter you, at least.

“Already so wet,” he ran his head up and down your slit, gathering your slick. “Make you feel so good, fill you up so good, promise baby…”

He pushed himself inside you then, a grimace on his face until his head almost popped into your tight channel, pulling a shocked gasp from you. He was hardly inside you but you could still feel the burning stretch of him. His thumb went to your clit and brushed it at first, making you shudder, before working you in tight, firm circles. He fucked just the tip of him in and out of you, keeping the pressure on your sensitive nub as he did. You rocked your hips against him, you couldn’t help it, your orgasm already closer than you’d expected it to be.

“See?” He panted. “Told you I’d take care of you.”

With that, he thrust into you the rest of the way, making your eyes go wide and a high pitched whine leave you. You couldn’t look away from where he was filling you, the stretch unlike anything you’d ever felt before. He was so big you could see the outline of him between your hips, a foreign swell where he’d made space inside you to fill.

“Joel,” you whimpered below him. You could feel him twitch inside you, like he was inches away from orgasm already. “Fuck, I need a minute, you’re too big, I need…”

“Fuck,” he groaned, tipping his head back, his hands finding your waist. But he was still inside you even though you could feel that he wanted to fuck you hard and fast. Your body adjusted, the almost painful strain of taking him fading to an overwhelming fullness that had you starting to rock your hips against him, desperate for more stimulation. “Fuckin’ Christ, gonna lose it with you doing that, Baby Doll, I need to fuck you, I gotta, won’t hurt you promise I won’t…”

You nodded but you weren’t sure it even registered with him. His grip on your waist tightened and he pulled back from you - slow at first - before thrusting all the way back in, the force of it knocking the air out of you. You groaned as Joel started to fuck you, hard and fast and needy, his thick cock stretching you with every motion.

“Knew you could take it,” he panted. “Told you I’d make it fit.”

You just whimpered, one of your hands finding your clit, the other your breast, working yourself in both places as he pounded into you. Your channel grew tighter around him, your orgasm close.

“There you go,” he kept up his almost brutal pace. “Fuck yeah, make yourself come on this cock, come all over my fuckin’ cock while I wreck this little pussy, do it, fucking come for me.”

You couldn’t help it, you came so hard you cried out with it, your hands stilling as you pulsed over Joel and he fucked you through your orgasm. He never stopped, never even slowed. If anything, he slammed into you harder and faster and your overwrought pussy almost hurt with it.

“Fuck, can I come in you?” He asked. “Please… fuck… please, gotta come in you, need to come in you, fuck Baby I’m coming, gonna fill you up, fuck!”

He pressed himself deep and exploded inside you there before you had a chance to tell him either way, the hot ropes of his come coating your inner walls. He collapsed forward onto you, his head over your shoulder and pressed into the cushion of your couch as he caught his breath. You could feel him leaking out of your spent hole as he went soft inside you. You slowly, hesitantly put your arms around him, stroking his back for a moment. Part of you was unsure what, exactly, had just happened. If it meant anything at all.

“Fuck,” he sat up from you and pulled his cock from your body. He was glistening with the blend of you and him together. He looked down at you, still a little breathless, as you were splayed out before him. You remembered, suddenly, what it was like to look down at a chicken you’d split while butchering, all hollowed out, its only remaining purpose - to be consumed - laid bare. “Fuck, I… I don’t…”

You sat up on your elbows again and looked down between your legs. His come was leaking from you. You looked back up at him, acutely aware of your vulnerability but hiding anything from him felt wrong.

“It’s OK,” you said quietly.

“No,” he shook his head. “I… I’m sorry, I…”

He stopped and got off the couch, getting his clothes from the floor. He pulled his underwear and jeans on quickly before retrieving your robe from beside your kitchen table. He lowered it gently onto your stomach. You stared at it for a moment before sitting up and sliding it on. You cinched the tie around your waist.

“Are you…” he trailed off as he shrugged back into his shirt, his brown eyes ranging over you again and again.

“I’m fine.”

He nodded.

“Right,” he said. “Right, OK…”

He stepped into his boots, not bothering to adjust the laces. But then, he only lived a few doors down.��

Oh God, he only lived a few doors down.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” he said quietly after he was fully clothed again. “I… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” you said, getting up and crossing your arms over yourself, thankful that your robe was long and covered most of you. “I… I wanted it.”

“Right,” Joel nodded. “That… we can’t do that again, OK? It’s not smart. Probably best if we…”

“Sure,” you just nodded again. “Yeah, OK.”

“Good,” he said, going for your door. He stopped to look at you. “Take care of yourself. Let me know if you run into any more trouble.”

“I will,” you nodded. “Thanks, Joel.”

He gave you a nod and just left you there, his come dripping out of you and his bandage on your cheek.

That was the first time you fucked Joel Miller.

It wasn’t the last.

You came by a few weeks later, almost positive that it would just be Tommy home but it was Joel who answered the door.

Once you got through the awkwardness of the hellos and the handing off of biscuits, you tried to leave, even though your core was tight and achy being so close to Joel again. Like he’d imprinted himself inside you, the shadow of him still there as a reminder. But Joel wasn’t having it. He grabbed your shoulder and pulled you around to face him before pressing you back into the wall and all but shoving his tongue into your mouth. He fucked you right there, against the wall of his living room, and when your thoughts weren’t blinded by orgasms you were just praying that his brother didn’t come home and find the two of you like this.

When it was over, he stepped back from you, his eyes wide as he panted for breath and said over and over that it couldn’t happen again. That it wasn’t smart, not when you were neighbors and you were all stuck here like this. That he didn’t want any kind of anything with anyone. That it was a waste of time.

It took until about the fifth time for Joel to stop saying it couldn’t happen again. For him to just accept it. He showed up at your door most nights now. He had for more than a year now. You weren’t entirely sure what your relationship actually was. You slept better when Joel was wrapped around you, even when he jerked in his sleep as nightmares plagued him. If you had an utterly miserable day, he sometimes listened to you vent about it before he fucked you silly. He brought you things he thought you’d like when he made smuggling runs outside the QZ, like a magpie who sought out books and baking equipment. You made him dinner and cut his hair when it got too long and didn’t ask questions when you bandaged up his knuckles at the end of a long day.

But Joel had never so much as told you that he liked you, let alone anything close to love. Even though you loved him. It had taken you some time to realize that you had. You’d become numb to a lot since the outbreak. Love was a risk, one that your subconscious mind seemed itching to keep you away from. Especially from someone as distant as Joel. You’d been fucking no one but him for more than a year now and you’d only learned within the last month that he was a contractor before the end of the world.

You wanted to do something nice for him. Something that might let him start to love you. At least like you as something more than someone to fuck, anyway. And you had the perfect thing in mind.

That day, Joel rolled you over in the early morning hours, kissing you deeply in the dark, enough to start to wake you up.

“Have a good day,” your words were slurred and mushy in your sleep but he seemed to get the picture.

“Think you’ll have an easier time of it, I’m on sewer duty,” he kissed you one more time, just a peck on the lips. “See you tonight.”

“Mmmm.”

You waited until you were sure Joel was gone for the day before you turned on the lamp beside your bed and found Joel’s watch on the nightstand.

He never took the darn thing off except to sleep. He always wore it, every day. Except the days he was on sewer duty. He left it at home or at your place then, the face of it cracked and the mechanism so broken it didn’t work anymore. But he still wore it every damn day. He’d never told you why.

You ran your thumb over the broken glass of the face for a moment before setting it back down and getting dressed in your kitchen uniform and pocketing the watch.

Your shift started in an hour and a half, giving you what you hoped was enough time to get the errand you’d been planning done. You had to venture most of the way across the QZ to do it, traveling to the black market shops where you knew a lot of what Joel smuggled in wound up. It was still early there, people setting out what was on offer, and you found the one person you knew of in the QZ who dealt in things like jewelry and watches. Even though he’d always struck you as slimy every time he’d talked to you when you’d walked by his stall when on the hunt for something else.

“Hey there pretty lady,” he smirked. “Finally coming to see me?”

“I was wondering if you could fix something for me,” you said, getting the watch out and handing it over. “It’s my… it belongs to my friend. The face has been broken forever and I don’t think it tells time anymore. Think it’s fixable?”

He took it and frowned down at it, turning it over in his fingers.

“Kind of a piece of shit to waste the energy on fixing it,” he said before looking back up at you. “Could find you something better, get you a deal…”

“I’d rather get that one fixed if you can,” you smiled. “I don’t mind the price.”

He nodded, looking back down at it.

“Well, it’s beat to shit,” he said. “But I’ll give it my best shot or find something good to replace it with, how about that? Even buy this piece of crap off you, I’m sure I can use it for parts. Give you a discount on the watch itself.”

There was a twinge in your gut at that, the idea of maybe trading Joel’s watch away. It must have sentimental value if he wore the broken thing that much. Or maybe it was just force of habit? He didn’t have one that worked but felt naked without it?

“Sure,” you smiled. “When do you think you’ll know?”

“Tomorrow,” he said. “Come back, see me. I’ll let you know what I can figure out.”

You walked to work excited to see Joel that night. You were sure he was going to like the watch thing. Maybe it could be the start to something new, something good. After so long of living in limbo with him, you sure hoped it was.

***

Joel fucking hated sewer days.

They paid the best but it was disgusting work. The only worse job, in his opinion, was burning infected bodies. At least the sewer didn’t have dead kids.

Otherwise, it was worse.

He went by his apartment first to shower and get cleaned up before heading toward yours.

Joel was reluctant to admit it even to himself - especially to himself - but he’d grown attached to you over the last few years.

He’d never meant to fuck you.

It had been an accident, the first time. Or, at least, as much of an accident as fucking someone could be. He’d always thought you were pretty. You were beautiful, truly. Beautiful enough that he couldn’t pretend that you weren’t. So he moved on from that fact. But you were also sweet and kind, nicer to him than he deserved. He tried to keep you at arm’s length but you’d somehow managed to insert yourself into his life in ways he hadn’t expected. He liked being around you, he liked to look at you, he liked to imagine what it would feel like to be inside you. Falling into fucking you had been easy, so damn easy.

It helped that you didn’t ask anything of him. That you put up with shit from him that he doubted you’d have tolerated in the before times. But you were lonely here, that much was clear, and Joel was someone. He took advantage of that fact, he knew. He knew he should be better for you. Try to be more. Try to be something at all. But he wasn’t sure he had it in him anymore, if it had ever existed for anyone but Sarah at all. It seemed like it would be cruel to both of you to try.

So he didn’t.

He was lucky that you seemed fine with that. Even if he really wasn’t.

He beat you to your apartment. Not surprising, sewer shifts started early and ended early, and he let himself in to wait for you, going to get his watch off the nightstand first.

Joel felt naked without it. Almost like he was betraying his daughter when he didn’t wear it, that he’d somehow decided the last thing she’d done for him wasn’t good enough anymore. But wearing it on sewer jobs was too big a risk. If it fell off there, he’d never find it again and he wasn’t sure he could live with himself if that happened. So he left it wherever he slept the night before - as likely to be your place as his anymore - and always put it back on the second he got cleaned up.

But it wasn’t on your nightstand. He frowned, looking on the bed - you made it every day, like that shit still mattered - but it wasn’t there. He got down on his hands and knees and looked around the nightstand, below it, under the bed. He ripped the sheets off and shook them out, took the pillows out of their cases. His heart was pounding. It had to be here it had to.

He went to the bathroom next, maybe he’d taken it off in there the night before even though he never had before but he searched there, too. He was taking all the cushions off your couch when he heard your key in the door. He kept searching as you came in, not even looking up at you.

“Joel!” He heard you drop your keys and your bag and then your hands were on him, pulling him back from the couch and making him stand up straight. He was breathless. He had to find it, it had to be here. Fuck, what if he put it on this morning and it fell off on the job and he hasn’t noticed? What if it was gone? “What are you…”

“My watch,” he said, looking around the room for where to search next. “I… my fucking watch, left it here this morning, almost positive I left it here but I can’t find it and I need that watch, Baby Doll, I gotta…”

“Joel,” you smiled a little, putting your hands on his forearm. “It’s OK. You did leave it here but… well, it was supposed to be a surprise…”

His stomach dropped.

“What did you do.”

You took your hands back, smile fading at his tone. Your eyes went a little wide.

“I noticed that it’s broken,” your voice was quiet. “And I thought it was something that might be fixable…”

“What the fuck did you do?!”

You shocked back from him. Joel had never so much as raised his voice to you before and he was screaming now.

“I took it to a man across town,” you said quickly. “He said he might be able to fix it or find a good replacement and…”

“I don’t want it fucking fixed!” He screamed, pressing closer to you and you flinched back. “I want it the way it was! I want it the way it was when my daughter fucking died!”

You stared at him for a second. He’d never told you about Sarah. He didn’t talk about her. It hurt too much to even consider it, he kept her to himself, her memory saved for quiet spaces where he could let it overwhelm him.

“Your daughter?” You whispered, reaching for him. He stepped back from you, couldn’t handle your fucking hands on him, not now. “Joel, you never… I didn’t…”

“She gave me that watch!” He wasn’t yelling now but there was a tremble in his voice, the barely contained rage slipping through. “She gave me that fucking watch and the day she died she got it fixed for me. It got fucked up by the bullets that killed her because I didn’t do my fucking job as her father, I didn’t protect her! That watch is all I have left of her and you…” He shook his head, his resolve cracking and yelling again. “You fucking gave it away! How could you be that fucking stupid? That fucking careless? What the fuck were you thinking!”

“I’m sorry,” you said softly. You were crying, voice shaky. “I… I didn’t know, I just wanted…”

“You think I give a shit what you want?” He yelled, towering over you. “Think I give a shit about you? You’re just some stupid fucking girl I use when I need to get off and you…”

You were cowering back from him and he knew he was scaring you but he couldn’t feel anything past the sharp pain of loss enough to care.

“I’m sorry,” your voice was so quiet he could barely hear you. “Joel, please…”

He glared at you with so much force it made you flinch and stalked out your front door, not bothering to close it behind him.

Joel took the stairs down to the street two at a time and set off, walking quickly as night fell and rain started in a steady drizzle over him. He could think of a few places you’d probably try to take the watch. If he could find it in time… with all the fucking smuggling connections he has in this godforsaken town. He had to be able to find it. He had to.

But he searched all night, went to every goddamn black market dealer he could think of. He was only able to find about half of them, some out who the fuck knows where, and none of them had the watch.

It was daylight again when he returned home, soaking wet and exhausted. He glared at your door as he passed, going to his place to shower and try to warm up.

But without the distraction of searching, the desperate drive to do something because he could, he was forced to feel while standing in the steam and the water.

The pain of the loss of his daughter was there, sharp and acute when he realized he may never again touch something she had also held. The permanence of that somehow making her loss more real than it had been in years. It was gutting. He’d rather be shot or stabbed or have the shit beaten out of him than feel this. At least that was tangible, something he could heal from and not this constant, consuming pain.

But there was also you. You, who had become the only bright spot in this goddamn place. You, who held him when he woke up in a panic and told him that he was safe and that it would be OK. You, just about the only thing that had made him smile in years and who looked at him like he was something worth wanting. Looked at him like there was still a point to him at all.

You’d tried to do something nice for him. You hadn’t known any better, he knew that. He’d just never let you in. Never even told you Sarah existed let alone about the way that she died. How he’d held her, how Tommy had to drag him away from her body, how all he’d wanted to do was join her and he couldn’t even do that right. He’d never told you any of it. He couldn’t blame you for that, not when he was already afraid of how much he cared about you. He was even more terrified of what he knew he could feel for you if he just let himself. It wouldn’t even be hard. Not feeling it was like fighting against gravity. It would only take one slip and he’d fall into it, he knew that.

He got out of the shower and sighed, trying not to think about the watch. About the things he’d said to you. He’d been so panicked, so angry. He had tried to hurt you. Said things he knew were cruel because if he was hurting he wanted you to hurt, too.

But he wasn’t proud of that. He didn’t want you to hurt. He wanted to take care of you and protect you. You were kind and thoughtful and this fucking place hadn’t chewed you up and spit you out yet. He wanted to help you stay that way. Instead, he’d tried to hurt you.

He sighed and got dressed before going to knock on your door. It was your day off, he expected you to be home. Probably reading or baking something. Because apparently cooking all day during the week wasn’t enough, you had to do it on your day off, too.

“Hey!” Your next door neighbor came outside but her face fell when she saw Joel. “Oh, sorry. I thought you were…”

“I’ll tell ‘er you’re looking for her,” Joel said, looking back at the door, waiting for you to answer. But he didn’t even hear you inside. He frowned. He had a key, it just felt wrong to use it after the way he’d spoken to you but maybe he’d need to…

“Thanks,” your neighbor smiled, a plate in her hand. “She’s always making things for my daughter, I finally had enough extra to return the favor but I haven’t seen her since she left last night and…”

“Last night?” Joel’s frown deepened. “What do you mean, when last night?”

“Kind of late,” she frowned back. “After dark, I was just coming back home when I ran into her. Seemed like she was in a big hurry, looked like she might have been upset. I told her I had something for her and she said she’d be back later. I don’t think I missed her but…”

Joel’s heart sped up and he shoved his hand in his pocket, finding his keys. He tuned out the neighbor and had to fight to keep his hands from shaking as he opened your door.

Your apartment was still torn apart from when Joel had been searching it, couch cushions still all over the floor, coffee table askew. He ignored it, half walking, half running to your bedroom.

“What happened?” Your neighbor hovered in the doorway. Joel ignored her, too. He looked in your room, still in total disarray but empty, your uniform on the floor where it hadn’t been before. Your bathroom was empty.

“Fuck!” Joel smacked the wall. You’d left, gone somewhere and not come back. But you’d planned to come back, you’d told your neighbor that you were going to be back later and you hadn’t come home. He went to the woman in the doorway, her eyes still a bit wide as she took in the mess he’d made of your apartment. He took her by the shoulders and she blinked up at him in surprise. “Where was she going? Did she say? Tell you anything at all?”

“N-no,” she stammered, frozen in Joel’s grip. “She didn’t, I’m sorry, I don’t…”

Joel released her, running his fingers through his hair for a moment. Had you gone to try to get the watch back? He’d been so upset, so cruel… You must have. It seemed like something you would do, immediately go to try to fix it. He turned back to the woman, cursing the fact that he didn’t know this about you, that he had kept his distance from you so he wouldn’t know things about you and fall into you in the way that was so tempting to do.

“Know what markets she goes to?” He asked. “Especially for any contraband shit?” She just blinked at him for a moment and he resisted the urge to yell at her. That’s what got him into this situation, losing his fucking temper at someone who didn’t deserve it. He took a deep breath, keeping his voice calm. “I think she went to look for something but I need to know where that would be so I can go find her. Do you know?”

“Yeah,” she nodded after a moment. “Yeah, there’s one across town, in the south end. I’ve run into her there before…”

Joel was out the door before she finished talking. It was one of the places he’d gone the night before but hadn’t found anyone to talk to. He certainly hadn’t seen you there. But it was at least a starting point. He’d find you. He had to.

***

You stared at your open door for a few minutes after Joel left, in too much shock to move.

Joel had a daughter. A daughter who died. The watch had been from her, of course he wouldn’t want it fixed, of course he would wear it every day. And you’d given it to some slimy guy in the contraband market.

After a while, you could make yourself move. You closed your door and went to your room. Joel had turned that upside down, too. Of course he had. Because he was desperate and you’d made him that way.

You got changed quickly, leaving your uniform in a pile on the floor, grabbed a handful of ration cards in case you needed to buy the watch back, and headed out.

“Oh, hey!” Clara, your next door neighbor, almost ran into you on the stairs, her two-year-old on her hip. “I was just going to pop over, I made…”

“That’s so sweet,” you cut her off. “But I’ve gotta run, I’m so sorry. I’ll be back later and should be around tomorrow…”

“OK!” She called after you as you took off. “Be careful out there!”

You moved as quickly as you could manage toward the market, hoping that you could find the man, that he hadn’t started doing anything to the watch, that everything would be OK. Even if Joel hated you now, he shouldn’t lose the one thing he still had from his daughter because you hadn’t thought to ask him about the damn watch.

You breathed a sigh of relief when the man was still there, closing up shop, when you ran up.

“Why hello again,” he smiled, a smile that was smug and lecherous. “Haven’t been home to check my stash for parts yet, pretty girl, but if you wanted to come back with me I bet I could find a way to give you an even bigger discount…”

“That’s OK,” you said, a little breathless. “I actually just want the watch back, just the way it is…”

He frowned.

“It’s still pretty useless…”

“That’s OK!” You said quickly. “Just… please. Please say you still have it.”

He sighed and opened a box, rifling around in it for a moment before pulling it out. But he held onto it, running his thumb over the face of it.

“I was expecting something for fixing this,” he said, glancing up at you before looking down at the watch. “Had plans for those cards…”

You pulled a few ration cards from your pocket and held them out.

“Please,” you said. Even though he hadn’t done any work. You didn’t care. “The cards are yours, just give me the watch.”

He looked almost surprised that getting cards out of you had worked but he took them and gave you the watch. You looked at it for a moment, the broken glass in the face, the time frozen at 2:15. You tucked it in your pocket, the fist that had been clenched around your heart loosening.

“Thank you,” you smiled. “Just… Thank you.”

You started at a more reasonable pace back for your apartment. You’d go to Joel’s, return the watch, apologize again and hope that he wouldn’t still hate you once you fixed it. At least you hoped he wouldn’t be hurting as much, he didn’t deserve that, not after everything he’d been through. You could fix that for him, at least. You had to.

You were so relieved at getting the watch back that you weren’t paying close attention to your walk home. Yes, it was dark and raining and late but you knew the way and, since that day more than two years ago when Joel had saved you, everyone seemed to know you were protected. That you weren’t someone they messed with and expected to live. In hindsight, it made you feel like the QZ was safer than it was. So safe that you were fine walking home alone from a shady corner of town, far from FEDRA guard posts and people you knew.

It was a stupid mistake. You realized that when you heard a voice in the dark.

“Well well.”

The sound sent a chill down your spine. You recognized that voice, the voice of the man who had tried to kill you once.

You froze, eyes wide, an animal caught in a trap.

“If it isn’t Joel Miller’s little FEDRA bitch,” Pickett emerged from the shadows, his hands in his pockets, a few men at his side. Your eyes darted between them. There were six of them that you could see. There was no way you could fight off that many. Hell, you probably couldn’t even fight off one. You’d never been a fighter. “Awful far from home aren’t ya?”

“Heading there now,” you said, voice shaky. “Joel’s expecting me…”

“Well that’s too bad, isn’t it?” He prowled closer. “Guess you’ll have to keep him waiting just a bit longer.”

“You don’t want to do that,” you finally were able to make your legs move, backing away from him. “You know what he said…”

“But he isn’t here, is he?” He smirked. “And he’s the one who left his little toy out for just anyone to take. If you mattered all that much to him, don’t think you’d be out here all alone at this time of night.”

Your eyes darted, looking for the best way to run, but your mind was distracted. The man was right. You didn’t matter to Joel, he’d told you as much, that you were just some stupid girl he used when he needed it. You were just some stupid girl and you were going to wind up dead in the shitty part of the QZ and he’d never get the watch back, the one thing he had left of his daughter, because you’d been too stupid to ask about it. For some reason, that part hurt more than the thought of dying. There wasn’t much to life in the QZ, certainly not much that made life worth living. Joel had become the one thing you looked forward to. It was hard to mourn your own destruction when there wasn’t anything left that was really worth living for.

You tried to run, slipping in the mud as you went. But you were turned around, too panicked to look at street signs or pay close enough attention and, when you wound up at a dead end, you were cornered, the men closing in on you as you backed into a wall.

“Please,” you whispered. “It won’t make a difference to him or to FEDRA, if you want to hurt them, I’m not the way to do it and…”

“Maybe not,” Pickett smiled in a way that was more like the bearing of teeth than an actual smile. “But you sure will be fun.”

Your eyes were so glued to his that you didn’t even see it coming when the first blow sent you to the ground.

***

Joel made it to the market in record time, out of breath and bones reminding him that he was in his 40s now and he’d spent his life breaking his body to survive. He scanned the stalls quickly, finding the man who was the most likely one you’d have gone to, watches and jewelry out on a table in front of him. As if anyone could afford that shit now anyway.

“How can I help you?” The man asked, smiling up at Joel from his seat behind the table. “Looking for something special for a lady friend, perhaps?”

“Looking for my…” he paused. Technically, you weren’t anything to him. “My friend. She would have come here yesterday with a watch…”

“Oh,” he laughed. “Yeah, I know her. Such a pretty thing, a little disappointed she only decided to give me the time of day when she needed something…”

“She was here?” Joel asked, brows raised.

The man smirked.

“Answers are gonna cost you.”

Joel ground his teeth for a second before shooting his arm forward and roughly grabbing the back of the man’s neck, shoving his head down and slamming it into the table, the man giving a yelp of pain when his nose crushed against the wood.

“Fuck!” He swore as Joel pressed his face against the table. He squirmed but Joel held him down. “Jesus Christ, man!”

“Was. She. Here.” Joel’s teeth were clenched, his chest heaving.

“She was here!” The man cried out and Joel released his neck. He panted for breath for a moment and sat up cautiously, cradling the back of his neck. “She was here, last night, she came by, wanted the watch back, she seemed desperate.”

“Where’d she go from here?” Joel demanded.

“What?”

“Where!” Joel screamed, hand curling into a fist, ready to beat the answer out of him.

“Back the way she came!” He covered his head with his arms. “Same place you came from what I could see, please!”

Joel stepped back.

“When was it?”

“Late!” The man said quickly. “Late, she came by late. Right at the end of the day, I was closing up shop, it was dark and raining…”

So you’d made it this far. You just hadn’t made it back home.

“Anyone who runs around here who would give her trouble?” Joel asked. “Keep her from comin’ home?”

“Plenty of people,” the man looked at him like he was insane. Joel glowered at him again and he flinched. “But most likely, Pickett’s gang, saw a few of them last night prowling around, they’ve been causing trouble around here lately. If she ran into trouble, it’s probably with them!”

Joel nodded slowly. Pickett. He knew him. That was the man he’d saved you from before, the jackass had been building up a following of FEDRA hating idiots who seemed bent on causing trouble and hurting people as a way to feel strong by being cruel.

He knew where to find them.

Joel ran there, a crumbling building FEDRA hadn’t done anything with yet that he and Tommy had run drugs to a few times. He pulled the knife he kept at his belt free before he pushed the door open. Whether you were here or not, these were men he wouldn’t care about killing.

The first one was just inside the door. Probably meant to be standing guard but not paying attention, flipping through an old Playboy instead. Joel caught him off guard. He wrapped his hand around the handle of the knife and used it to bolster his punch, the blow landing so hard the man fell backwards off his stool. Joel kicked his gun away and kneeled on the man’s chest, putting the blade to his throat.

“Your boss bring a woman here last night?” Joel asked.

“Not your business, is it?” The man sneered. Joel ground his teeth, covering the man’s mouth to muffle his screams before taking the knife in his hand and thrusting it into the man’s shoulder. Joel waited until he quieted some, gasping below his palm, before he spoke again.

“Scream and I’ll gut you like a fuckin’ fish,” Joel snarled. “Now I’m just about done askin’ nicely. Did your boss bring a woman here last night?”

“Yes!” He said, pleading. “He did, she’s still here, I think she’s still alive, they’re on the second floor, please…”

Joel freed the knife and thrust it into the man’s throat. He didn’t need him anymore. He picked up the gun.

It was easy, finding you then. He shot men as they approached, only half a dozen or so between him and you. But none of them were Pickett.

He found the room he was sure you were in, two men stationed at the door who fired at him when he came around the corner. He ducked out of sight, readied his stolen weapon and exposed himself just enough to shoot. He dropped them both before they could land a shot on him. He took their ammo and changed his clip before listening at the door for a moment. It was quiet.

Joel opened the door slowly, cautiously, but he didn’t need to. You were the only one inside, on the ground in an unnatural looking position. He holstered the gun and ran to you, kneeling beside your prone form. There was a rattle in your breath and you’d been beaten to hell. Even in the dim light, he could see the cuts on your skin, the parts of you he could see swollen and discolored. They’d savaged you, your body broken and bleeding, and you’d only been out here because of him. Because he’d been so angry at you for something that wasn’t your fault. Fuck, you were the only thing left he cared about besides Tommy and you were bleeding because of him. If you died because of him, if he’d failed you the way he’d failed Sarah…

“Please,” you rasped, trying to lift your head but giving up, your eyes closed. Your voice surprised Joel, he hadn’t expected you to be conscious. “Please… I don’t…”

“It’s OK Baby Doll,” Joel said, his voice thick. “It’s me, you’re OK now. Gonna take real good care of you, you’re alright…”

“Joel?” You lifted your head and managed to open one eye. The other was swollen shut. “Joel, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

Before he had a chance to stop you from moving, you reached a shaky hand into the pocket of your jeans and pulled out the watch. You held it out to him, your fingers bloody.

“I don’t think it’s any more broken,” you winced. “I tried to protect it, I’m sorry…”

He took it from you, your blood on the face and the band, a tightness in his throat he was struggling to breathe around.

“S’OK Baby Doll,” he said, putting it on his wrist quickly and reached for your head, to try to brush some bloody hair back from your skin, but you flinched away from him. “Nothin’ to be sorry for, it’s not your fault, none of this is your fault.”

You took a deep, shaky breath like you were going to argue with him, but you didn’t get the chance.

“Look who it is.”

Joel stiffened, getting to his feet slowly, turning to face him.

“Almost expected you to not show up,” Pickett smiled. “She seemed damn sure she didn’t mean anything to ya, swore up and down that you wouldn’t even notice she was gone.” Joel’s stomach twisted. “Took you so long I was starting to believe her.”

Pickett prowled closer.

“Course I’d hoped she’d be enough to draw you out,” he said. “Getting tired of tip-toeing around you and your fuckin’ brother. But if she wasn’t, at least she was fun. Didn’t even get a chance to let my guys have the real fun with her yet, though. Figured I’d see if we could knock her teeth out first, bet she’d suck real good then. But looks like you took care of them, so I guess she’s off the hook.”

Joel roared and lunged for Pickett, swinging for him as he did. The other man had either underestimated Joel or overestimated himself, because he tried to dodge him and failed, Joel’s shoulder catching him in the chest and sending him sprawling to the ground. Before he had a chance to even get his bearings, Joel was on top of him, screaming as he pummeled him, raining the blows down on his face again and again and again.

For the first time since you’d disappeared, Joel felt like he was really doing something. This man had taken you, hurt you, was going to do more to you. Joel was doing what he was supposed to do. He was protecting you. He felt it in every blow he landed on the man’s face, in every collapsing structure below his skin, in every splash of blood. It wasn’t until he had stopped breathing and the blood had stopped pouring from his open wounds that he stilled, panting for breath as he looked at the mangled face of the man below him.

He stood, flexing his hand and looking at it, the split open knuckles, the mix of your blood and his own and Pickett’s on the watch. He wiped his hand on his shirt and went back to you, kneeling again.

“Joel,” you whimpered.

“He’s dead,” Joel said, his voice thick. “They’re all dead. Warned ‘em. Told ‘em what would happen if they fucked with you.”

He watched you work to swallow around your damaged throat as you nodded.

“You’re safe now,” he said softly, fingertips gently tracing your face where you didn’t look battered. You flinched at first but relaxed. “Need to wait a bit to take you home. Too bright outside right now, FEDRA fucks would stop us…”

“Don’t need to worry about me,” you struggled to sit up for a moment before giving up and going limp on the floor. “It’s OK. Already did more than you should have. Go home in case FEDRA comes poking around and…”

“Not leaving you here,” he said gruffly.

You winced as you swallowed and fought to open the one eye you could.

“Don’t put yourself at risk for me,” you managed. “I’m not worth it, you know that and…”

“You’re worth it, Baby Doll,” he said softly, his hand on your face. “About the only thing in this fuckin’ place that is.”

You flinched as you frowned.

“No,” you shook your head a little. “No, you said…”

“Don’t matter what I said,” he cut you off, trying to ignore the stabbing guilt in his chest. Fuck, the things he’d said to you. “I didn’t mean it, didn’t mean a fuckin’ word of it. I was pissed at myself, I was hurting, I took it out on you and I never should have said or done any of it, Baby Doll, never. I didn’t mean it, not a word of it and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it back, I wish I could take all of it back…”

He lay beside you, delicately holding your face, his eyes tracing over you. He memorized the damage done, the signs of all the pain he knew you were in. All because he hadn’t told you about Sarah, because he’d hurt you, because he’d failed you. He wouldn’t do that again. He was not going to let you suffer because of him again. You tried to move closer to him but he put his hand on your hip and held you still, instead moving toward you. You winced as you pressed against him but it didn’t stop you. He held you gently, feeling you breathe against him.

“I’m sorry, Joel,” your voice was muffled. “I didn’t mean to, I promise…”

“Shh,” he hushed you, tears stinging his eyes. He’d done this to you. Made you feel like, even this broken, it was your fault. “It’s not your fault. None of it. I’ve got you, Baby Doll. Gonna take care of you. Gonna take such good care of you if you let me. Please let me.”

You were quiet, passing out against him. He held you like that, letting himself feel for you, letting himself fall into that dangerous place with you. He stopped fighting the gravity of loving you until it was dark enough to safely carry you home.

He got you cleaned up, patching you up as best he could before giving you some pain meds from a stash he hadn’t traded away yet and carrying you to bed. He held you there, too, his body curved around yours, shielding you from anything that could hurt you and promised himself, silently, that he’d never see you like this again. Because he was going to take care of you. He was going to protect you, he was going to love you, until there was nothing else left of him and he was dead and gone.

He ran a gentle hand over your head and pressed a kiss to your hair, the glass of the watch reflecting the light of the moon, sending fractured splotches of light on your wall. He wasn’t going to fail again. That much, Joel knew.

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #kit answers #send asks #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #smut fic #joel miller x oc

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slut4fictionalmen33 · 2 years ago

Text

Don’t Lie To Me (newt)

Summary: i can’t rly fill this out without it spoiling the story

Warnings: angst, language, gun, tdc spoilers. tdc plot

Word Count: 1.2k

You, Newt, Thomas, Gally, Fry, Jorge, and Brenda were in a beaten down building. Home of Gally, Lawrence and the rest of the right arm trying to figure out another way into WCKD.

“Same dick who betrayed us?” Brenda blurted.

“I like her.” Gally finished. Newt huffed before standing up straight and speaking.

“What’re you afraid your little girlfriends gonna get hurt? Hmm?” There was a pregnant pause and awkward silence before he spoke up again. “This has obviously never been about rescuing Minho. Has it?”

“What are you talking about?” Thomas questioned, obviously confused at the sudden outburst.

“Teresa!” His volume increased. “She's the only reason Minhos even went missing in the first place. Now we finally have an opportunity to get him back and what? You don’t want to because of… her?” You had never seen Newt like this. So demanding and aggressive. It was sort of intimidating. “Because deep down inside you still care about her. Just admit it.” He pressured backing Thomas all the way against the nearest wall.

“No I-…”

“Don’t lie to me!” Newt yelled, earning a gasp from both you and Brenda. “Don’t. Lie. To. Me!” He repeated.

You could see it on his face, the guilt and regret. You could tell something was wrong. But as he ran out all you could do was watch as Thomas followed.

After a couple of minutes when you gathered enough courage to go talk to him you walked into the cool air revealing a hunched over Newt sitting on the edge of the roof.

“Newt, are you okay?” You asked walking over and sitting down. “I’ve never seen you so upset.”

“Y/n i’ve been hiding something.” He gestures at his arm. “Don’t think I can hide this anymore.” He says pulling up his sleeve to reveal black and blue veins stretched from his wrist to his elbow. You gasped and covered your mouth. You were shocked to say the least. How could your boyfriend hide something so crucial? “I was going to tell you. Not like this. I’m sorry.”

“Newt. I-I it’s okay i’m just not sure what to say. It’s a lot to take in.” You sighed, staring at his forearm.

“Y/n i’m sorry I yelled back there. I didn’t mean to scare you. I love you.” A simple tear trickled down your face as you predicted your boyfriend’s inevitable future.

“I love you too. I will make sure we get through this. You deserve to live Newt.”

“Thank you Y/n.”

Newt was panting trying to catch his breath as you had stopped to rest.

“We’ve got to get the serum. Minho you’re the fastest go!” Thomas ordered.

“I’ll go with him for protection.” Gally said, chasing after Minho.

“Newt stay with me baby. I need you. You’re okay I promise. Stay with me. I love you.” You pleaded keeping Newt's head upright so he could look at you.

His head dropped without your support, eyes bloodshot black liquid running down his chin.

“We have to go Y/n!”

“Y/n.” Newt groaned. “I need you to take this.” He said, grabbing on the bullet around his neck.

“Newt not right no-…”

“Just take it!” He yelled. “Just take it.” He said quietly, almost ashamed of his actions. “In case I don’t make it.” He assured.

“Newt I promise you’re going to make it. I just need you to help as much as possible.” He nodded as he placed the necklace in your hand.

Shoving the necklace into your pocket you and Thomas decided it was time to keep moving so you gathered Newt under his arms and carried him as far as we could until he became dead weight.

“Newt, come on.” You sobbed. “Please.” You collapsed with him.

“Y/n.” Thomas kneeled with you a comforting touch on your back. “All we can do now is wait okay? I promise he will be okay.”

“Yeah like you promised Chuck?” You snapped. “Or Winston? How about Alby?”

“Y/n you know you can’t blame me for this. I didn’t do this. It was WCKD.”

“Thomas.” Speak of the devil. Somehow Teresa was speaking on the overhead speakers telling us some bullshit story again. “You are the cure. Your blood kills the virus. Come back to me.”

“Don’t you dare Thomas.”

“We have to save Newt!” He yelled as he ran back to the lab. Just as he was running off you were greeted by a not so happy guest, Newt.

“Newt?” You questioned inching closer. “Newt is that you?” Before you could get any closer Newt turned around and lunged at you. “Newt what the hell! Newt get off me!” You sobbed.

Newt shrieked eyes, fully blackened hair sticking up in different places trying to kill you.

“Newt please.” You kept pushing. “Please stop.” And suddenly as if the real Newt could hear you his eyes cleared and he stopped holding you down. You took this chance to flip the two of you over and pin him down in case of another episode.

“Y/n? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“No Newt you just held me down. It's okay. I love you.”

“I love you to-…” He was cut off by a shriek.

Newt started thrashing under you almost as you were minutes before.

“Newt, please just calm down.” You pleaded. “Minho!” You yelled hoping he heard you.

“Kill me!” Newt yelled from under you.

“W-what?”

“Kill me!” He repeated flipping the two of you over once again. “Before I turn into one of them.”

“Newt I-…” But before you could finish he pulled your gun out of the gun holster on your leg and cocked it aiming for his head. “No!” You yelled before knocking the gun out of his hand.

Newt was not happy. He charged at you and tackled you hard.

“Newt please.” You pleaded. Just as Minho and Gally arrived and punctured Newts back with the serum.

“Thank you.”

“Where is Thomas?” Gally asked as Minho tended to Newt.

“I-I don’t know. Teresa said come to the lab. I-I need help.” You said as you felt the back of your head luckily there wasn’t much blood, just a pounding headache and memory loss.

“Y/n I need you to stay with us for Newt.” Gally say you up. “Y/n?” He questioned but you were already unconscious.

Gally carried you all the way to the burg Minho doing the same with Newt.

You woke up to a blinding light. The sun. Your head was pounding and your body was sore.

You looked over to see Newt opposite of you “Newt!” You exclaimed running over to him ignoring the soreness. “You’re alive!”

“What the hell? Where are we?” He asked, hugging you back.

“The Safe Haven. I love you so much!” You hugged him tighter.

“Y/n I can’t breathe baby.”

“Sorry.” You pulled away. “I-I just thought you wouldn’t make it. I thought I wouldn’t make it.”

“I love you Y/n. I will never leave you.”

You crawled in his bed and snuggled into his side. “I love you too Newt.”

#tmr newt #the maze runner #newt x reader #newt tmr #newt oneshot #newt imagine #the death cure #thomas brodie sangster

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delfiore · 2 years ago

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only make you cry

pairing: florence pugh x fem!reader

synopsis: flo isn’t ready to be in a new relationship after her last one ended by means of public scrutiny.

word count: 2.6k

a/n: hello. um, ik it’s been a while, but school and work has just been so hectic that i barely even have time to rest. i was also dealing with some things too, but alas am back. i hope y’all haven’t forgotten abt me and i’m hoping to get back into writing again soon because it’s fun and not because it’s sth i have to do. so ya, enjoy this angsty, kinda smutty but not rly fic i whipped out :3

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

She remained untouched.

By the responsibilities she had to bare as a price of only doing what she loved to do.

By the lousiness of the world waiting to gouge out any imperfections so that it may discredit her just for the sake of it.

By the mask-like cynicism she had come to develop just to survive and not get swallowed whole.

She remained untouched by you.

Yet, the desire to reach out and touch her, despite her serene appearance—face pressed into the pillow, eyes comfortably shut, lips slightly parted—was beyond any reasoning that you could muster. You simply desired her, to touch her, to feel her, the way you did merely hours before.

The sky was beginning to brighten, signaling another day. You didn’t want to leave, you only wanted to reach out and touch her, to kiss her, and tell her that you were here to stay. But you knew you couldn’t.

She stirred, finally. Florence was a quiet waker, with a sharp inhale and a purse of her lips, eyelids slowly peeling open to reveal two emerald gems, that usually start out more hazel and golden in the morning. You gave her a small smile. “Good morning”.

“What time is it?” She asked.

You hummed, reaching back toward the stand for your phone. “8:37”, you had checked ten minutes prior too.

You watched her as she willed herself to rouse, hunching over the side of the bed, like she was putting the weight of the world she left by the bed back on her shoulders. You reached over, and brushed her spine with the back of your hand. You thought you felt a split second in which she found comfort in it, but it was gone too soon when she stood up and headed for the bathroom.

You always observed Florence. You liked to admire the person that she was, watching this phenomenon of a human being do the most mundane tasks, like cooking an omelette or watering a plant. It made you feel special, being able to be in her presence made you feel phenomenal. She tended to have that effect on people, not just you. You were just lucky you got to witness it behind closed doors.

“Could you feed Billie, please?” You loved when she included you in her routines. You would give her a kiss on her jaw and a gentle caress of her hips in gratitude in passing her.

Sometimes when you’re lucky, like now, she would grab you, and kiss you deep with a sigh, her eyes lustful and sultry when they gaze into yours after.

It started a few weeks prior, the sex, and the mingling, months earlier than that. It was at an after-party you were expected to attend, that Flo also happen to be there. There was a certain glow to her, something that made her seem more mature than the last time you saw her whilst shooting Black Widow. The short brunette hair, the nose ring, it was different, but it all suited her.

“Y/N?! Christ, is that you?!”

You started hanging out again, just like you did whilst shooting the movie and a little while after that before your respective schedules pulled you apart. It was as if no time had passed.

She cooked for you the way she did, a drink on the side and occasionally dancing to music that hyped her up. Then one day, she confided in you. She told you that she and her boyfriend had broken up.

“It was a few months ago,” she said with a sad smile, “the pressure just got too much. We’re friends, though.”

“I’m sorry.” Were you an asshole for leaping on the inside? You couldn’t tell her how you felt three years ago because she was already in a relationship, especially when Zach was a good man, and she was happy too.

Then one night, she kissed you.

It was after a bottle of wine (or two), and you both were on her couch. You felt bold, and your hand ended up over her thigh, feeling the softness of her skin. Her laughter had died down, only breathy giggles now from her plump lips, her intense gaze lighting fires in the pit of your stomach. And before long, she was straddling you and desperately attempting to pull your shirt off.

“I’m going on a trip next week with some mates,” she told you, tickling the back of your neck with her arms resting around it, “come with me?”

You could never say no to her, never when she holds you like this. But alas, you were just messing around.

Ibiza was a nice change of pace from the bustling city; it was sunshine and blue sky as far as you could see during the day, then parties and drinks until the early hours in the morning.

You liked that she knew when to have fun, but not too much to let herself go. She always seemed in control. Her friends were welcoming of you, but you weren’t free of the teasing comments.

“She seems lovely,” one of her friends said, once you had left to the bar. You’d just make out what she said. “Where’d you find her?”

“We met on-set,” Flo answered.

“Good for you, mate. She’s always following you around like a lost puppy, it’s cute.”

A small laugh erupted from Florence’s chest, and you felt something churn in your stomach. You took the drinks from the bartender with a small ‘thank you’, and returned to the group.

You handed Olive her drink, then Flo hers before kissing her cheek. “Your dry martini.”

It was only after you had come back from another party that night, that you thought about it again.

“You okay?” She mumbled, peppering kisses on your bare shoulder, her hand roaming your body.

The thing was, you didn’t mind being her lost puppy. You were too devoted to care.

The media was started to catch up. Pictures of her and you during your sun-soaked holiday started to make headlines, at first because two Marvel stars were seen vacationing together. But then fans began to speculate when more handsy pictures began to surface (a failed attempt by your publicist to keep things quiet), and you suddenly felt the pressure. It was in particular the pictures of you and her splashing each other in the water that did it.

“People need to get a job, christ,” you sat by the island scrolling through Twitter on the private account you made for the sole purpose of lurking.

Florence let out a small laugh as she chopped a bell pepper in half. “Let them talk, hm? We don’t need to concern ourselves with it.”

“It’s a bit difficult to mind your business when it’s shoved in your face every time you open your phone,” you huffed through your nose, extending your foot toward where Billie had chosen to sit by your side to taunt the pup.

“It’s not like you to care about what people think. What changed?”

“I don’t know, I just don’t like people butting into my relationships, that’s all.”

“Well,” she said so casually, “we’re not exclusive or anything, so . . .”

You didn’t know what to say. Billie seemed to have picked up on the awkwardness too, and trotted away to find her bed for a nap.

“Y/N,” she said, but you didn’t look up, “you know we’re just messing about, right?”

“Of course,” you said, shrugging, “it’s what we agreed upon the first time. What? You think I’m in love with you or something?”

“You better not be,” she laughed as you made your laugh over to her side.

“Why not?” You mirrored her laugh, and snaked your arms around her waist.

“‘Cause it’ll complicate everything,” Flo said lowly, “and I don’t like things to be complicated.”

“Alright,” you nodded, taking her chin in your fingers. “Well, I’m not, so.” You pecked her lips.

You didn’t know you could feel the kind of isolation like what you felt when Flo went away. She had gone back to England to be with her family, leaving you all alone in this god-awful town, in Los Angeles, the city of liars and pretenders. You thought you might have become one too.

It was easier said than done, and you thought you could do it. You thought you could be content with just being a fuck, but it was never that easy. You stopped seeing anyone properly ever since you started knowing Flo, and that was three years ago. You knew it was a futile effort to wait, but you waited anyway.

“My nan just gave me this amazing apple pie recipe. I’m gonna make it when I get back,” you let her ramble on FaceTime as you attempted to do work on your laptop.

“Y/N.”

“Hm?”

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Your nan’s pie recipe,” you replied, turning towards the camera, “can’t wait to try it.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” your voice was started to growing harsher, “‘s fine.”

“Doesn’t sound like it,” she said, “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you said firmly, “please leave it alone, Flo.”

You didn’t like the way you sounded. You were so harsh to her. A quick glance towards the screen told you she was taken aback by your response, maybe a little hurt too. It was a mistake.

“I have to go, got some work to do,” you sighed, swallowing the lump in your throat, “I’ll call you later.”

“Okay,” Flo said, so quietly you almost didn’t catch it. You ended the call before you or her could say anything else.

You sunk back into your chair, and finally let the tears flow and you held your face in your palms.

Hours later, you were clutching your phone, staring at the screen showing your messages with her, trying so hard to say something, anything. The silence was brutal, but it was one you caused yourself. You didn’t want to bother her, but you couldn’t stand it any longer.

Please don’t be upset with me, I was an asshole.

I can’t stop thinking about you all the fucking time.

I think I have feelings for you.

Sorry about earlier. Work is stressing me out.

Mere minutes later, you received a photo message as a response. Your breath gets caught in your throat when you opened it to see what it was. “For your troubles ,” it read, and it was a picture of her in her underwear in bed.

You leaned back and exhaled a heavy breath, as your hand slowly crept down your body underneath your pants.

But it wasn’t the same. You needed her with you, under you, above you, close to you. You wanted to hold her as you came, as you have been lately, hoping she would feel the affection in return.

You counted down the days that you would be meeting her in New York. She had to do press there for a couple of days, and you agreed to spend some time with each other before she returned to the UK for more press. Your manager wasn’t happy when you decided to book your own ticket after she had refuses to book you one because it wasn’t for ‘professional purposes’.

The hotel you booked was close to hers, just by accident, but you decided to hire a cab to bring her over anyway. You had been waiting patiently when she knocked on your door at around 10 at night.

“Hi,” you said softly, walking backwards to let her in.

“Hi,” she replied, tugging at the back of your neck and kicking off her boots, “I missed you.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, couldn’t stop thinking about you, and this,” you let her explore your body because you had been waiting for her to do so for so long.

You collapsed next to her with a heavy sigh, looking over. Her hair was disheveled, her eyes closed and lips parted, her chest rose up and down. She looked so pure like an angel, but also sinful like the devil. Her eyelids peeled open, and her eyes had turned a deep green when she looked over at you.

She was perfect, and you were enraptured by her in every way.

So you captured her lips in a slow kiss. Low hums bubbled in her throat, as she snaked an arm around your waist.

“I love you,” it came out as the fainted whisper. You froze. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“What?” You breathed out.

“I said I love you,” she repeated, locking you in with kisses along your jaw.

“No,“ you pulled away, shaking your head vehemently, “no, you don’t, Flo. Don’t say shit like that.”

“What the fuck?” Why was she offended? “Y/N?”

“You can’t just say stuff like that without any consequences,” you didn’t mean to snap, but you were pacing around too, “we agreed to just fooling around.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. Why are you so pissed about this?”

“Because you’re being unfair!” You exclaimed. “You don’t love me, but I love you, Flo! I love you. And this, all of this is so unfair.”

“Then why did you agree to it?” She frowned.

“Because—“ there was a lump growing in your throat, “because having some of you is better than nothing.”

“God, Y/N,” Flo sat up, and put her hand in her hands, the sheets barely covering her bare chest. “We should have never done this.”

“So you regret it?”

“No, but I wouldn’t have agreed to it if I knew it was so agonizing for you. Like shit, what the hell do you want from me, Y/N?!”

You stood at the foot of the bed, your fists clenching and relaxing. You felt so small. The light from outside the window scarred her face.

“I want you,” you said defeatedly, “I want you to love me the way I love you.”

She looked at you incredulously, “how long have you had feelings for me?”

You looked away. “I don’t know, like ever since we met I felt something. I just never said anything.”

You heard her grumble under her breath. “I-I can’t right now, Y/N. There are things that I still need to work on. It was really hard where I left off with my last relationship.”

“I know,” you took a seat at the edge of the bed, “I’ll wait for you, until you’re ready.”

“I can’t ask you to wait for me.”

“I’ve been waiting for three years,” you smiled sadly, “I can wait a little more.”

You watched her as she wordlessly got up and gathered her clothes to put them back on. You wanted to speak up, but you could only watch like a ghost.

“Thank you, Y/N, for everything you’ve done for me,” she held your hand, and stroked your cheeks tenderly. “I have never taken you for granted, ever. And yes, I do love you.”

She leaned down to kiss your forehead before heading for the door. You felt the tears welling up, but you spoke anyways.

“When you’re ready, you know how to reach me.”

There was a hint of a smile before Florence turned to the door. When it closed, you felt the stillness of the room, void of the rustling of the sheets when she would turn to the side, her quiet hums of a melody she couldn’t get out of her head, the click of her lighter as she goes to light her cigarette. It was you, and your own sounds now, devoid of bliss, devoid of her.

#florence pugh x reader #florence pugh imagines #florence pugh imagine #florence pugh x you #florence pugh angst

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getsojaded · 2 years ago

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you don’t go to parties ii | calum hood

trigger warning — alcohol / substance abuse, please please read at your own risk

a/n: i’m back and better than ever (not rly). it took me a minute to ease back into writing so i hope this is somewhat tolerable. love u guys and hope u all enjoy

—

“i’m sorry i had to call you. i’m well aware you quite literally want nothing to do with us anymore,”

“no no, don’t say that. you guys have did nothing wrong.” she responds, taking a sip from the caramel latte in front of her.

seated in the hearty cafe filled with hard studying students and baristas, there were michael and y/n, sitting in a little booth across from each other.

y/n wasn’t exactly sure why he’d contacted her in the first place. well, obviously she knew why — she just wasn’t sure why they would be talking about him.

but she respected him. and she respected the band members as well. and if there was anything she could do to be of help, she would be there.

and that’s what led them to this more-serious-than-she-thought conversation with michael.

“lemme rephrase, i know you don’t want anything to do with cal anymore,” he begins, earning a chuckle and the slightest nod from her in response. “but i felt that i really needed to tell you this.”

she gestures him to continue, and michael takes a deep breath. “cal… is not cal. i know what you saw, and we all saw it too, but this… is to another extent. it’s getting out of hand and we just,” he sighs. “we don’t really know what to do anymore and we’d really appreciate it if you could help us in some sort of way.”

y/n looks at him worriedly as she puts her drink down. “what do you mean… out of hand?” she asks, just for some clarification (although she’s got a hunch of what he’s talking about.)

“the man’s been drunk almost everyday since you left. there’s been multiple occasions where he’d hosted his own functions but he’s so plastered to the point where we have to stay behind and clean up because he’s too drunk to do it himself. in no way have i called you over to blame this on you, because it’s not your fault. the guys and i, and even our fucking girlfriends, have tried so hard to do everything we can to get him help, but it’s practically no use.”

a brief moment of silence.

“i wouldn’t have contacted you if i knew we didn’t need your help, but fuck y/n. i’m fucking stumped. i have no idea what to do anymore.”

y/n straightens her back, sitting up straight as she tries to process this newly given information to the best of her ability. and it’s fucking hard.

she’s well aware she left for a good reason — there’s no doubt about that. however, she’s never truly stopped caring about calum, and she’s not sure if she ever will. and the moment those words came out of michael’s mouth, she felt scared. scared for him.

she can’t help but feel that the slightest bit of her is at fault — had she not left, maybe calum wouldn’t be as bad as he is now.

but had she stayed, nothing would’ve changed.

“w-what would you like me to do?” she softly asks, looking up at michael’s green eyes filled with frustration and hurt. “as much as i’d like to be, i feel that i won’t be of much help,” y/n admits.

“y/n, i think you’re our last hope,” he responds. “if you could just, maybe talk to him, and knock some sense into him… fuck, i don’t know.” michael abruptly finishes sentence and gets up from the table. “i’m sorry i asked you to meet up, ignore everything that i just said.” and with that, he rushes out of the cafe, with y/n trailing right behind him.

“hey!” y/n lightly grabs his wrist, stopping him from walking any further. “i’ll try and help. i know you’re frustrated. i know all of you guys are. and if me talking to him will take any sort of weight off your shoulders, i’m willing to do it. i want to help.”

michael can’t help but engulf y/n into a hug and the tears he’s been holding in for so long finally start to fall out. “thank you, y/n.” he pulls away, wiping his eyes. “i am just so fucking frustrated. not only are his doings affecting him, it’s affecting everybody around us now. we need to fix it.”

y/n understandably nods, rubbing michael’s back as she walks him to his car.

“i’ll take you back to my place. luke and ash should be there right now too, and we can all talk.”

“no cal, huh?”

“he’s probably already tipsy right now.” michael tells her, causing y/n to look at her watch. 10:59 am.

“jesus christ,” she manages to say, getting into the passengers seat of michael’s car.

—

“missed you, big guy,” y/n smiles as luke walks over her to embrace her in a big hug. “my favourite! it’s always lovely seeing you.”

“can we grab you anything to drink?” ashton asks, making his way towards the kitchen. “actually, don’t answer that. i know you like coke.”

“old habits die hard,” y/n responds, giggling as ashton passes her the can. “i just don’t add henny in it as much anymore.”

“i don’t understand how you did that so fucking often. you were literally more of a heavyweight than luke.” michael reminisces on their group’s younger years, remembering how fucking much y/n drank had to drink before she started feeling the slightest bit buzzed.

“times have definitely changed. don’t think i can drink one without yakking on the floor now,” she responds, the three men she once knew as reckless boys, bursting into a fit of laughter.

“we’ve gotta see you go crazy at least one more time. maybe you and i can run that shotgun contest we had back!” luke exclaims, winking at her, y/n wincing in response. “the thought of that sounds terrible to me. didn’t i beat you too?”

“yeah, that’s why i want a rematch. because i know you’ll lose this time!!”

leaned against the kitchen island, the 3 men and y/n totally forgot why she was even in michael’s house in the first place. so here they were, giggling and catching up, just like how it was before.

well, just a little bit like how it was before. it truly wasn’t before if calum wasn’t there.

they all convinced y/n to take at least one shot before she left today, michael staying sober for the sole reason of driving her home. except, one shot turned into six, and she was now sprawled out on the couch, pointing and laughing at michael’s chandelier.

“why the fuck is it so big?” she asks extremely confused, luke hunched over and clutching his stomach from laughing at everything y/n’s done.

“how are you only six in?” ashton asks in so in slight shock, taking a swig from his beer.

“six plus sixty-three is sixty-nineeee,” she sang, the group looking at her in awe, confusion, and in humour simultaneously.

“alright, i think that’s enough for tonight, y/n bear,” michael gets up from the love seat, assisting y/n in helping her up from the couch and walking with her to the front door. “i’ll take her home now, see you guys later,”

“bye guys!! love you! see you tomorrow!” she exclaims, blowing each boy a kiss.

“tomorrow?” michael hears ashton ask as he closes the front door, chuckling.

“i’m soo tired.” y/n whispers, closing her eyes the second she gets into the passenger seat of michael’s car.

she’s just about to knock out but before that, she vaguely hears michael’s voice with a little bit of anger laced in it, calling out:

“what the fuck are you mad at me for?”

—

as michael’s about to back out of the driveway with an unsober y/n in his passenger seat, his car headlights make eye contact with calum’s car headlights, the brown eyed boy immediately noticing the girl beside michael.

coming to an abrupt stop in the middle of the gate, calum hops out of his car, making his way towards michael’s window. “what is she doing.. there?”

despite the collected look he tried to put on within a matter of seconds, michael knew calum all too well. and he could see right through his facade; he was upset.

“i just ran into her earlier today and invited her to catch up. what are you doing here?” michael fibs ever so slightly.

“just wanted to talk to you and the guys for a sec, but instead you should cut the bullshit. are you guys talking about me? setting up some stupid fucking intervention? last time i checked, this doesn’t involve you, mike. it also doesn’t fucking involve her. she’s the one that left, so she doesn’t need to deal with this anymore. not like she wanted to in the first place.”

michael’s taken aback by calum’s sudden words, feeling angrier and angrier with each sentence that comes out of his mouth. “what the fuck are you so mad at me for? i didn’t say shit! all i said was that we met and caught up,” he raises his voice. “you know, i know she didn’t deal to the same extent of what we’re seeing from you, but she still saw it. she still saw something. and she knows about your habits; she might be out of the picture now, but she’s not stupid. news flash — she fucking cares about you! she always did! it’s not like she left because she didn’t, she left you because she thought that you didn’t care about her. yet here she is, organizing plans to come see us so we can help you.”

calum’s seeing red at the thought of his friends interfering with his life. “did i fucking ask for that? no!”

luke and ashton walk outside to meet the argument, concerned with the raised voices and accentuated curse words. “yo, is everything okay here?”

“just peachy.” michael coldly says to calum, before speeding off, leaving the three other boys standing in the middle of the driveway.

“i thought you guys were my friends,” calum slurs, pointing at luke and ashton. “my fucking brothers. and this is what i have to see? you secretly meeting up with my ex girlfriend behind my back? what’s she gonna do? huh? tell me i’m throwing my life away then leave again? what’s the point of that?”

the harsh tone that leaves calum’s mouth not only takes aback luke and and ashton, but the man himself. even through his clouded judgement, fuzzy memory and slow movements, even calum is well aware of his anger.

“if you just give us a chance to explain —“ ashton slowly responds, reaching for calum’s hand before he smacks it away.

“i don’t want your explanation, just leave me the fuck alone.”

—

part 3 incoming don’t worry

#5 seconds of summer #5sos #5sos imagine #ashton irwin #ashton irwin imagine #calum hood #calum hood imagine #luke hemmings #michael clifford #michael clifford imagine #luke robert hemmings #calum thomas hood #michael gordon clifford #ashton fletcher irwin #calum hood angst #luke hemmings angst #michael clifford angst #ashton irwin angst

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212-apricity · 1 year ago

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Okay I’m finally here! I wanted so badly to read it when you posted but I was so freaking tired I crashed 😭 But I’m here with another rant/essay of thoughts and emotions haha I feel like with every chapter I write more and more 😂

Getting a glimpse into Conrad’s head in any fic itches my brain nicely, idk I just love him?? Anywho, the way you write his like emotions and his anger/frustration? I’m here for it, he deserves to be a little upset instead of just shutting himself down to protect himself 🥺🖤 BUT him tracking Dean down and punching him before the ass can even get a word in?! Yes!! Thank you omg, protector Conrad getting his emotions out AND making sure Dean knows he’s not welcome anymore? no and then he comes home and tucks us in??? After beating a guy up?? God I’m feral for him I need therapy 😂

Him and his moms? (Bc lbr Susannah x Laurel is the real otp here 😭🖤) I tear up every time Susannah’s cancer gets brought up bc of personal stuffs so like Conrad crying on her and letting himself feel bc he didn’t mean to hurt us while his mom was sick?? My eyes were sweating I wanna give him cuddles and back rubs and forehead kisses 🥺😭🖤🖤

Steven would be that person tho “oh don’t worry I watched the cooking channel I can do this!” And then fucks it all to hell 😂 I love him, I feel like Steven and I would be those besties that are complete idiots together because we share half a braincell 😂

And Connie calling us my girl?!?! AND baby?!! That shit gives me butterflies omg 😭😭 im so lonely lmfao ahh the whole living room scene has me in a choke hold I love him, just ahhhhh the domesticity of caring for your lover after he beats someone up for you 🥺🖤

The almost kiss on the beach had me swooning too 😭 Fucking Steven and cockblocking us 😂😂

MATCHING TATTOOS AHHH 😩😩

No but who tf does Thérèse think she is???? “Sorry I stole your bf I was jealous but I ended things with him” like good for you but stay away lmao like that trust would be so damaged!!! Thérèse and Dean really do deserve each other 😤😤

Okay but us hitting Dean? And just being a feral cat about him not shutting up? Yes please?! Couples who beat shitty exes up together are top tier 😂 (I know we’re not a couple yet but in my heart Conrad’s already my husband 😂🖤) AND AGAIN the of checking over each others wounds?!!! I love them, your honor. 🖤🖤

Okay but Connie immediately wanting to take off and beat the shit out of Dean, while the love of his life’s injured??? But his tunnel vision is just like “gotta kill this guy”?? Like you idiot I don’t want Jere to take me to the hospital I want the person that makes me feel safe there 😭😭😭

Overall I love how theres a bunch of little moments showing how we love each other but it doesn’t feel forced or too fast? Like obviously Conrad and her just wanna kiss (damn you Steven) but also they’re comfortable just existing together too because they both know they care?? Does that make sense? Is that even what you were going for? Idk but that’s how I’m feeling it rn, maybe it’s just my craving for love that’s reading in too deep 😂😂

AHHH 😭 Anyway thank you again for another glorious chapter, I love it, I adore you, and I’m so so excited for more! I can’t wait to see the moms reactions to their tattoos (and for getting into a fight and getting injured 💀😂) and just for more shenanigans in general with everyone 🖤🖤😭

oh. my gosh. STOP I LOVE THESE COMMENT THINGYS SM THEYRE SO FUN.

ok so i totally agree, dean is a RAT he deserves whatever happens to him ik i wrote the damn thing but i stand w it🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

no but fr someone needed to humble dean and thérèse both like they’re so annoying. i didn’t want thérèse to have a giant monologue just explaining why she did what she did bc honestly people like that don’t rly say all that much irl, they’re just looking for ways to get back in ur life and mess it up again tbh and she was just annoying too like

and i mean i didn’t wanna say it myself but yes the main characters here ARE susannah and laurel, glad we cleared that up. they’re literally so cutesy and wonderful i love them sm

STEVENS SO FUNNY STOP- hes literally hilarious i love him sm

no honestly i love the living room scene too it’s so cutesy and domestic i thought those two needed a tiny little cute relaxed moment before it all went down tbh💀💀

and i agree, if someone called me baby??????????

🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

that’s all i have to say. next question.

no everytime i write an almost kiss im literally on the edge of my seat as well like should i make them kiss or should i wait🤨🤨

REAL. we’re not officially w conrad yet but we bascially are married w two dogs and an adopted son (steven) so we don’t even need to go through the formalities anymore

no fr like ily conrad but now is not the time, you better get in that car and drive to the hospital.

YESS IT DOES MAKE SENSE IM SO GLAD YOU NOTICED!!!! i didn’t want to make this one too like fast paced or too like oh everyone gets what they want happily ever after like i feel like you don’t need to be constantly making out or talking w someone you care about, even just spending some time w them is more than enough like just having these tiny cute little moments is so lovely

YESS IM SO EXICTED TO WRITE MORE ON THIS ONE sadly i don’t think i can post another part until like friday night / the weekend bc schooo started again today (kms) and it’s gcse year (double kms) but im so happy you like it, i love love love these conment things so much you have no idea🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

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thav · 2 years ago

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11/13/2022 - Update

hiiiiii

i havent been on here in a min so i decided to do a little check in / update on where i’m at

currently, i’m vaguely sick because i’ve been going out this entire week which was really fun but ultimately comes at a cost, i went to Rhein haus for the first time and it was cool i guess. i drank a rainier per usual

i was out with new friends again yesterday and it was fun, i love the imagery of house parties, and even just being a young adult in seattle, it’s always been something i’ve been inspired by since i was a little kid. i feel like when i first got there i really wanted to leave but i had a few shots and it was fun... i’m still unpacking what that means LOL never want to be too hypothetical/deep but my relation with my vices is interesting and wavering and i’m constantly learning about it each time i go out loll especially since my best friend has been sober for over like 100 days or something?

sometimes when im at work i really hate my job and know that i should and could be doing so much more.. but honestly i feel like everything beyond my life would feel very... baseless? and a waste if i don’t go through this slow season right now. i go to work a lot and get glimpses of what i know my life is going to be and how my art will be received one day and i genuinely get really happy i start tearing up. i’ve spent a lot of years dimming my own light and feeling like i never deserved to even create a platform for means of celebration for myself... knowing how much i deserve this now it makes me 10x more hungry to keep hustling and keep refining my craft, and expanding on that

i met this girl who i’ll name Kayla who’s probably never gonna read this, but if you do im sorry lol (but not really bc you were lowkey mean when i first met you) but i remember walking into this guys apartment with her (i met her 10 mins before at my other friends apartment) and I feel like i already didn’t really connect with her because we had the dreaded conversation of being two people in their early twenties in proximity to the University of Washington-- are you at UW, what’s your major, etc etc. i have no problem telling people i actually dropped out of college to fully pursue my music career, but i never really go out of my way to say it and in fact i usually try to defer from even having that conversation to begin with. but anyway, after some prying i told her about my artist project and she seemed really dismissive and didn’t care.. and i brushed it off because i expect that from people that aren’t versed in this world-- i understand that not everyone cares about it so it’s whatever. so after this i’m like still trying to make conversation because we’re all just waiting for our friend to finish making our cocktails. and she goes, “oh, you’re trying to have a conversation! i’m really really good at small talk, like i do this for work all the time”

it’s funny because i feel like i’m somehow used to people diminishing me or making me feel small, but i feel like it says way more about Kayla than me as to the basis or assumption she made of my character just because i didn’t work some job in consulting/accounting as her like most of the people at that party (they were all rly nice tho)

but the thing that gets me the most is that i know i’m super intuitive/emotionally intelligent and i express that through my art, and when we started drinking more, and Kayla was feeling more chatty, she started talking to me about her parents and her feelings towards that, and i feel like she appreciated me for listening

i empathize because i do not have the best relationship with my parents but this was just an example of how funny it is to me how small scale non creative people make art seem, when in reality you consume art all the time and you dont even know it... not trying to label a conversation or a trusting moment as art but.. it is and is relative to the way people see the world and why they make art to begin with

felt like she slapped me, then cried, then said thank you

i dont take it too personally though just because ive been dealing with this for so long.. but to anyone out there who is in the beginning stages of their artist project like me... people are gonna misinterpret you on purpose, they’re not gonna fully see your own vision... but your whole life is never gonna be about trying to make them believe in you. i always felt like thats what it would be like and i honestly think that's why it took me so long to fully dive into my artist project. but now that i’ve let all that shit go, i’m honestly just really dedicated to showcasing my thoughts and emotions the most coherent and honest way i can. i feel like, i was born into a world without a choice, and am “forced” to live this life, so i really just want to be able to document it fully. i’ll leave you with one of my favorite mantras:

“we are all the universe witnessing itself from one perspective”

love love love love love you

Thavoron

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1kook · 2 years ago

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hiiii i hope ur well i hate asking bc i don’t want u to think i am complaining or begging (i am kinda begging, hands and knees) or anyth i kno u were on a break and as u should <33 well deserved, good break !!! but but but i have to ask … abt …. Born Sinner …. *hides* im sorry i just miss church boy n just was wondering if u ever … like see in the future urself updating it again im sorry i had to ask ok ok i love u i love ur mind i love ur works and i love born sinner sm if u ever update again or not it’s rly one of my fav works evr and i think abt it all the time . Ur mind is just that amazing ok okok i love u n hope ur well n happy and i wish u the best yami :* 💗🫶🏻💗🫶🏻 ilyyyy

🫶🏻😎 hi hello thanks for ur kind words!! long answer + answers for zoom jk as well just cuz, not cut bc I figure most ppl who followed for writing r wondering too lol

first off, I have generally not had time to write with school and the chronic guilt I feel whenever I’m not studying teehee just girly things, BUT concerning born sinner and zoom jk, I actually kinda wanna delete those 2 series and write them anew.

I feel like a huge downfall with church boy was that it tackled some pretty deep themes and the direction it was going felt slow and really far off, thus making it hard for me to find motivation in writing it bc the end just seemed so far away. I had planned for it to be about 8ish chapters, and each one being over 7k and trying to put those out on regular basis didn’t work out.

i love the concept of church boy, but overtime i kinda came to feel dissatisfied with his character. I mean. yn’s pov was often very short in the chapters, but if that WAS ME and I was dating a guy who was so deeply religious, he felt the need to blame his shortcomings on ME? girl what 😑 she’s definitely no pushover, but i did feel she was too accommodating at times (even tho i was planning on having her stand her ground in future installments). I love the idea of the story being from jk’s perspective bc it was after all about him going through a huge change in life, but I felt like his constant emotional turmoil and hyper fixation on sex was turning him into a rather unlikeable guy, which is something I don’t want 😭 he felt misogynistic at times and I hated that :/ whenever I had to write his thoughts I was kinda like yuck. Ew. lol, and I also always had to be thinking “ok, but how is he going to compensate for being like this?”

With zoom jk, I kinda felt the same lol but more annoyed with the story’s pace. I feel like the first 4 only 4 ghahbsbwhs chapters could easily have been one chapter that set the stage, introduced the universe, etc. HOWEVER I do think the progression was realistic for the story it was telling; come on lol, you’re not gonna be instant besties with a classmate you’re meeting for the first time over zoom during a lockdown. so I felt like I couldn’t really do much to change that. but like I said it was more so the format I did it in.

at the time I posted both these stories, it was fall of 2020, which was kinda “peak” lockdown where I live. everything was closed or remote, so I had a lot of time to focus on writing. however, now it’s almost fall of 2022 and the circumstances are not the same anymore, which has made writing very hard to do for me.

hope that answer helps !!

#asks

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brackenfur · 3 years ago

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au starting from lost stars/one non canon event mentioned but i cant stop thinking abt a scene where bramblestar slips up abt thinking abt killing firestar in sunset n how squirrel would react to that. this is a very quick drabble aka its not rly thought out or edited, i jsut needed to write and get it out somewhere ! i also cant rly definitively say that everything abt bramblestars version of events/what squirrelflight knew abt the foxtrap scene is canon-accurate since its been a minute since ive read tnp + that time period is extremely muddled in terms of which author writes it and what any cat outside of bramblestar ACTUALLY knows.

anyways tysm for reading <3

"i've sacrificed everything for this relationship, for you," bramblestar snaps, eyes that were at one moment dim and exhausted from his oncoming illness now alight with anger. "you don't even know how much pressure i was under all those years ago, after we got back together and i became deputy. i was dealing with my new position, with thunderclan's mistrust, with hawkfrost telling me to-" and he stops dead in his tracks, eyes widening just slightly as he realizes he let something slip.

squirrelflight blinks, deeply uncomfortable by his reaction. she knows that he and hawkfrost kept communicating after she and bramblestar got back together, and she knows to this day that hawkfrost never had good intentions - but there is something about the way bramblestar looks away from her, how his fur prickles along his spine, that makes her think there's more to this story.

"hawkfrost telling you to what?" she tries to keep up her bravado and confrontational tone so he doesn't detect how disturbed she's becoming, but her voice wavers. "what are you talking about?"

"nothing," he says too quickly, shaking his head. "it doesn't matter. i'm tired, squirrelflight; this leafbare is the worst i've seen, and i'm not feeling my best, either. you know that - i've been so sick, and-"

"yes, you are sick, and i've told you to rest," she reminds him, cutting him off. "and i'm sorry about that, but what are you talking about with hawkfrost?"

"i said it was nothing."

"it doesn't look like it was nothing."

bramblestar sets his jaw, shaking his head. "you know how he was. i was just going to say that he was just trying to pressure me to stop talking to you, that's it."

it doesn't feel like that was it. she has no love for hawkfrost and doesn't particularly care that he didn't like her much either - but bramblestar wouldn't be so upset and secretive about something that trivial. there's more.

"you're not telling me something," she says finally. "i know you - or, i mean, i think i know you. you're hiding something from me about hawkfrost, and i swear to starclan - we just had a conversation the other night about being truthful."

"i've always been truthful."

"it seems like you're not right now, though. i've laid out all of my secrets and told you every bad thing i've done - i've let the whole forest know my demons. not by choice, but what's done is done. there's something you're not telling me about hawkfrost - and don't tell me he didn't like me, we all know that. what was he telling you to do?"

he twitches his whiskers. "squirrelflight, you need to drop it."

this just makes her more angry. "i've told you everything i've done and you're always going on about how we need to stay truthful to each other to make this work - whatever it is, i'll listen to you about it. i know how hawkfrost was - did he want you to take over the forest, or something? i know he talked to mudclaw about things like that; he wasn't subtle about his plans to be tigerstar junior."

bramblestar looks deeply uncomfortable. "i didn't do what he wanted me to do, you know i didn't," he finally says after what seems like an hour; she blinks, unsure of what he's talking about.

"what do you mean? like...yeah, you didn't take over-"

"he wanted me to become thunderclan's leader. that's it. now, please, just drop it."

she frowns. she kind of expected that, but there's....a deep shame in his eyes, and she thinks there's an element to this story he's not saying. he's being evasive and private, and her heart begins to beat harder when she really, really thinks back on all those years ago.

a memory surfaces, one that she always thought about with pain and yet an underlying feeling of pride - for brambleclaw, for her mate, for saving her father....

it hits her then. she always thought that the foxtrap was brambleclaw's moment of undying loyalty to her father - stumbling upon hawkfrost about to kill firestar, and immediately jumping to his defense. that's always how he told it, anyways; he knew what hawkfrost wanted to do, and put an end to it.

but there were always these underlying moments that she couldn't quite place over the years - some type of underlying shame and embarrassment that she just chalked up to grief for his brother.

they look at each other, and she tries to keep calm. "when you found my father in the foxtrap," she says slowly. "did you think about letting hawkfrost kill him?"

bramblestar's beat of silence is all she needed to know; he immediately tries recovering it, though.

"squirrelflight, i would've never done that- hawkfrost and tigerstar were-"

"tigerstar? what does your father have to do with this?"

bramblestar is very quiet; she thinks that the world around them is completely silent as they stand in the middle of a snowy clearing. the cold usually heightens the sounds in the air, but in this moment all squirrelflight can hear is the thudding of her own heart.

bramblestar seems like he's trying to piece his thoughts together carefully; she forces herself to wait until he finally says: "i was never going to do it," he says, voice tight with emotion. "squirrelflight, i loved your father - you know that." she can barely hear him anymore as she finally grasps what exactly he's telling her. "my father and my brother- you've heard about how they are from lionblaze and ivypool and the others that went to the dark forest, how could i have- they were my family once, i thought that maybe-"

so that was his big secret, the one that he never meant for her to uncover. everything makes a little more sense now; the guilt and shame in bramblestar's eyes for those first seasons after hawkfrost's death whenever he'd look at firestar, the overcompensation bramblestar tried to preform as deputy. it wasn't because he felt like he allowed his brother to cause harm to firestar before saving him, it was-

"hawkfrost told you to kill firestar," she says softly, looking up at her mate. "but that- if it was just that, you would have told me, not lead me to believe that hawkfrost was the one who wanted to do it all along," she feels herself shaking as the shame begins to come back into bramblestar's expression. "you thought about, didn't you? about killing my father so you could become leader?"

bramblestar gives one moment of hesitation, and she shakes her head.

"i'm going to be sick," she says quickly, stepping away from him.

"i didn't hurt him. it wasn't-"

"this whole time, you've shamed me and made me feel like the worst cat that's been born because i kept a secret for my sister," she almost spits, her fur raising. "i don't know if i was morally right or wrong, i don't know what anyone else would do in my paws during that time - but you made me feel like i was worthless for a year because i protected leafpool, and now i finally get to know that you not only met up frequently with tigerstar but that you actually- you thought about killing my father. you thought about hurting firestar just so you could become leader."

ashfur's jibe all those years ago suddenly makes more sense - after the fire, the way he bumped into her with his shoulder and sneered you don't really even know your own mate, do you?

who knew that even after all this time after his death, ashfur still got the last laugh.

#srry mobile users if the read more doesnt work!! sometimes they do sometimes they dont #warrior cats #im....very stressed bc of whast going on w my family rn and my sis' dog but writing this helped take my mind off of things #i hope u enjoy its been awhile isnce i wrote LMAO #also srry if its ooc/not lining up w canon but honestly idgaf i Tried #writing tag #shark noises

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sashi-ya · 3 years ago

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Hello ! I hope your requests are open if not i’m rly sorry 😅 Can I have some platonic headcanons for Kid and Killer for having a fish-woman crewmate pls ? And their reactions when they learn that she was a CD slave (but the slave mark was covered by the Sun Pirates mark), thank you :)

Hi!! of course!! I hope you like these HCs! I didn't make them romantic, just friends. But if you want something romantic pls pls tell me and I'll be pleased to include them ♥ Thank u for requesting!! Have a wonderful week ♥ ~

HCs Eustass Captain Kidd + Killer ~ Having a Fish-woman Crew Mate and finding she was a CD Slave reaction

Tw: Mentions of slavery. Marks. Racism.

Eustass "Captain" Kidd.

🔧 A Gyojin? awesome. Useful, hop on the Victoria Punk. That’s it. Kid just doesn’t care about her race at all, as long as she is ready to cause chaos and find the One Piece, he has no problem at all. She can swim? great. She knows how to get to Gyojin island? even better.

🔧 “Teach me some gyojin karate. Right NOW”. Kid asks, snatching her by her arm and pulling her somewhere private. He wants to learn, but it’s secretly ashamed of his crew mates finding he doesn’t know something, especially about fighting.

🔧“So… you come from the Sun Pirates, huh? You know Jinbei is now part of the Mugiwaras now? Damn Mugiwara…” he grunts at her when asking about her past. She looks at her, from head to toes, scanning her body. Nothing sexual, though. Kid is just fixed on the tattoo on her back. “That sun…” he says. “Yeah…” she sighs. “We can tell Wire to cover it up if you want. You should wear our Jolly now” he tells her sensing the melancholy in her voice. “No! I’m proud of this mark!” she shouts. “Wow, hold the fuck up. I thought you didn’t like it. Jeeez, calm down” Kid says and starts walking away. But the truth is that she doesn’t want his new captain to regret his choice of letting her become a new crew member. “Captain!” She shouts. He stops and turns around. “What is it now?”. “See… this tattoo covers a horrible mark…”. And even if Kidd might not be the smartest person, he understands instantly. “Don’t worry, we gonna fuck them all. Trust me” her captain says and walks away mumbling “damn celestial fucking dragons, son of a fu…”. She smiled, she knew from now on, she would be safe and perhaps those slavers would pay some day.

Killer

🔪 Same as Kid, he doesn’t care where she comes from. Yet, he likes to hear about her abilities and differences with humans in the most respectable way. Her past with the Sun pirates and Gyojin Island. Yet he never pressured her into telling him more than what she wanted to tell. He respects her boundaries. And he knows exactly about how much her race has endured through the years.

🔪 He personally thinks that having a Fish-woman with them makes them a stronger crew and somehow a state for the others. They accept every race no matter what.

🔪 Someday, as Killer is an observant person, he notices a little mark on her neck. “Where did you get that mark? fighting?” the blond pirate asks. She takes her hand to his neck. “Uhm… not exactly. It was made with a certain collar. Like these ones too” she says, almost whispering and showing killer the red marks all around her wrists. “Shackles?... you mean, you were captured?” he asks, coming closer to her. “Yeah, I… I was a slave” she says and turns around showing Killer her back. He gasps. “Oh…” he says, unable to process such a terrible past. “Yes… but, you see, I told Kid if it was ok with me using the Sun Pirates tattoo even if I’m on your crew now, and he says it was ok” she says. “Of course it’s ok. I’m sure you are proud about that mark. And let me tell you, I am too. Having someone as strong as you with us makes me extremely glad” he says, smiling. “I’m sure Kid has already told you this, but please be sure we are gonna turn those fuckers down. We are known as a violent and cruel crew and we are gonna show them they are right”. Killer keeps philosophizing about how the world government and marines call pirates violent, when they allow the fucking CDs commit such atrocities freely. And she smiles, because as well as with Kidd, he is now safe and ready to fight their enemies. They all want the same, deep inside, changing the world is their main goal. -

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barzzal · 4 years ago

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captain’s love language

summary: sidney gets asked to answer a random question.

pairing: sidney crosby x you warnings: intimate convos with s.o. genre: fluff, domestic stuff :’) length: blurb; 0.6k masterlist: the barn

note: hii quick blurb while i take a break from doing my college paper. this doesn’t rly have a plot. also, i wrote it differently from my usual writing style. tryna see sumn. i originally didn’t want to write it for anyone but as i go along i realize that sid’s prolly gonna be the one you’ll have this kind of conversation with and it kinda makes me 🥺 you know? i hope it does the same for you. happy reading! it’s a quick one don’t worry :-))

“hey,” she props herself up, resting all her weight on her elbow, her hand resting atop his hard chest, “can i ask you something?”

he draws idle circles on her skin ever so lightly, humming. he looks her in the eye and nods.

she then takes a deep breath, “do you ever get disappointed in me?”

she sees his eyebrows meet instantly in the middle, “what made you ask all of a sudden?” he inquires.

to which she only dismisses as she shakes her head, “just answer it, will you?” she rolls her eyes, pinching his side playfully, making him laugh.

so stubborn. he thinks.

“well,” he thinks for a second, turning his gaze on the pearl white ceiling.

she bites her lip as she waited for an answer. when he finally returns his gaze at her, he takes a deep breath and says, ”no. of course, not.”

relieved that she got the reply she was hoping for, she leans in for a peck. however, as soon as she broke away, he speaks, yet again.

“it’s not disappointment, per se.” he clarifies, his strong hand making its way onto her back to caress it. “it’s more of—” he trails off, hesitating if it was right to tell her.

“sadness.” he finishes. he sees her face fall, her mouth slightly agape.

“i make you sad?”

the abrupt change in her voice and demeanor sends a rush of panic in his eyes. he pulls himself up so he could level with her. his biceps rippling like stones as he reaches for her chin, tilting it up with the same gentleness he’s always had with her. she meets his eyes, close to shying away.

“not that kind of sad, darling.” he reassures her.

“but you just said–” he cuts her off, soft eyes lingering on hers as he takes her hand. he plants a small kiss on her skin before squeezing it gently just as he continues to explain.

“you asked if you’ve disappointed me, right?”

with her head hanging low, she nods.

“well, you haven’t.” he reiterates, “but there is one thing you do that makes me sad.” he takes a few stubborn hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. “it’s whenever you don’t take care of yourself.”

“what do you mean? hey, i take care of myself!” she retorts, a questioning tone enveloping her words.

“yes, baby. you do.” he answers calmly. “it’s just that sometimes, you get a little too hard on yourself. sometimes, you procrastinate. and whenever i see you fall behind your deadlines and it makes you have to stay up all night just so you could get everything done, it kind of hurts me in a way. it’s like watching the fire in someone slowly die— and it makes me sad because i can’t do anything about it.”

for a moment, she was quiet. he patiently waits for her, resting his head on hers endearingly.

she wraps her head around everything he just said. albeit finding it hard to come up with words, it made sense. everything he told her made sense.

then again, sidney always had a way with words— he always knew what to say. and just like all those moments where he has left y/n in awe, she couldn’t help but admit that what he had just admitted tugged something inside of her.

he’s always looked after her even when she doesn’t know, and now, learning such thing from a man who has done nothing but love her all throughout the years of them being together, made so much sense. it made sense in a way that she cannot even fathom a life worth having if she’ll only spend it walking alone without sidney’s rough and calloused hand to hold.

“i’m sorry.” she breaks away and apologizes but he was rather quick to dismiss it. he pulls her closer, his plump lips finding its way to her forehead, "it doesn’t make me think less of you. you know that."

“i’ll take care of myself more, i promise.” she finally says.

he smiles, warmth evident on his flared cheeks, “that’s my girl.”

#sidney crosby #sidney crosby imagine #sidney crosby fanfiction #sidney crosby fic #sidney crosby x reader #hockey imagine #hockey fic #nhl imagine #nhl fic #barzzal imagines #letters to crosby

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sluttyhwaa · 4 years ago

Text

Mine | P.SH

Summary: When Seonghwa finds pictures of you on Wooyoung’s phone, he decides it’s time to let you know how he feels

Genre: Smut and slight angst?

Pairing: Seonghwa x Fem!Reader Ft. Wooyoung

Word Count: 2.1k

Smut Warnings: Voyeurism? Seonghwa lowkey being pervert, y/n likes having pictures taken of her, Seonghwa get’s Wooyoung’s sloppy seconds, breeding kink, degrading, some finger sucking, Seongwa being rly possessive, hickeys, kinda rough sex

A/N: This was a request but it was from like FOREVER ago and I'm too embarrassed to link to the ask so…

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

You and Wooyoung are really close. From the first day Seonghwa introduced you to him, he noticed almost an immediate connection. Seonghwa would be the first to admit that he’s a little- a lotta bit jealous of your relationship.

Seonghwa always noticed how you drifted to Wooyoung, the way the two of you were super touchy… which isn’t abnormal but he didn’t particularly like it, and the way the two of you would seemingly text each other while in the same room.

It’s what you were doing right now. The two of you were texting. You were looking at your phone with a flushed expression while you looked across the room at Wooyoung, and Wooyoung was leaning away from Seonghwa who was sitting right next to him.

You get up and leave the room with Wooyoung’s eyes trailing after you. Wooyoung puts his phone down for a minute and soon after it buzzes several times. Seonghwa's eyes focused on the phone, attempting to see what it said but instead his eyes widened when he saw nothing but images being sent.

Seonghwa bit his lip anxiously as he thought about all the possibilities the pictures could be. He immediately thought of something inappropriate… but it couldn’t be. Neither of you would do that to him… but again neither of you knew how Seonghwa felt so he couldn’t really blame you.

Wooyoung grabbed his phone again and hardly looked at the pictures before he threw his phone back face down and quickly stood up and seemingly went in the same direction as you.

Seonghwa waited for a minute and then grabbed onto Wooyoung’s phone. Wooyoung didn’t turn it off, so it was still on. Seonghwa knew he shouldn’t be doing this, but that didn’t stop him when he opened your messages.

His heart stopped. The most recent thing that was sent were pictures of you lying down on Wooyoung’s bed. Seonghwa instinctively looked away but he looked back and he felt himself blushing when he saw that you were practically naked besides the thin lace covering your chest.

Seonghwa scrolls up a little bit further and he audibly groans when he sees a picture of your clothed pussy. His eyes are glued to the dark patch of lace in between your legs and then he sees another picture of your bare, wet pussy.

Seonghwa’s breathing is heavy as he exits the messages and opens the photo app instead. He sees a folder with a couple of heart emojis along with your name and hesitates before he clicks on it.

Seonghwa feels like a bit of a pervert going through Wooyoung’s phone, but no matter how much he tells himself that it’s wrong it doesn’t stop his finger from swiping through the pictures.

Seonghwa can feel his blood pressure rising when he suddenly stops on a picture. His eyes are wide as he sees you completely naked with your legs spread. Seonghwa looks a little longer and he can feel his cock hardening as he sees your swollen pussy covered with cum.

Seonghwa sucks it up and scrolls a little bit further and a video starts playing. Seonghwa turns up the volume and holds it up to his ear and is greeted with moans and whines along with grunts from Wooyoung. Seonghwa looks at the video and his blood is boiling as he watches as Wooyoung fucks you.

Seonghwa is about to throw the phone but then he hears his name, “What if I were to tell Seonghwa. Huh? What if I were to tell Seonghwa that his precious little y/n is a whore?”

Seonghwa’s jaw clenched as he listens as your moans get louder, “Nono! Don’t tell him! S-Seonghwa- fuckfuck! H-He’ll get mad-”

“Yeah? He’ll get mad? Why’s that?” You were looking at the camera with watery eyes and the prettiest look of pleasure.

“Dunno! I- Please Wooyoung!”

“I know why. Because he thinks you're his. He wants you for himself.” As Wooyoung spoke, your face contorted into nothing but pleasure as you let out choked sobs, “You like that don’t you? You want to be his… Are you just using me as your toy?” Seonghwa holds his breath as he waits for your answer but his heart drops as the recording ends.

Seonghwa hears a door close and he panics and tosses Wooyoung’s phone just in time for Wooyoung to enter the room. Wooyoung takes one look at Seonghwa and smirks as he stands up and bumps Wooyoung’s shoulder as he walks past.

Wooyoung grabs Seonghwa’s wrist, “You’re disgusting. Let me go.”

Wooyoung chuckles, “I’m disgusting? Weren’t you just the one who was snooping through my phone? You were the one being a pervert looking at all those pretty pictures of y/n, weren’t you?”

Seonghwa was at a loss of words because he didn’t expect Wooyoung to know what he was doing. Wooyoung laughs at his expression, “Go in there.” Seonghwa looks at Wooyoung and he laughs again, “You heard me. Go on.”

Seonghwa huffed and grabbed Wooyoung by the shirt, “Delete. Everything.”

Wooyoung raises his hands in surrender as Seonghwa releases him. Seonghwa walks past him and stops in front of Wooyoung’s door, questioning if he should go inside or not. His hand shaking as it reaches the doorknob.

Seonghwa slowly opens the door to Wooyoung’s room and he swallows harshly as he sees you lying there naked with your legs spread, “Y-Y/n?”

Your body jerked slightly but you made no effort to hide yourself from him. Seonghwa looked around at anything but at you, “Seonghwa?” He looked at you expectantly and hummed, “A-Are you just gonna stand there?”

Seonghwa walks in and closes the door as he slowly walks towards you, “What- What do you mean?”

“I know w-what you want. Please do it.” Your eyes were glossy as your eyes met Seonghwa’s.

“You sure? Because I’ve been waiting for this for as long as I can remember.” Seonghwa waits expectantly for your response with his hands on his belt.

“I’m sure.” Your breath is shaky as you speak up, “Fuck me.”

Seonghwa doesn’t wait a second as he pulls his belt off and takes his cock out of his jeans. He makes his way in between your legs and he groans in annoyance as he saw your pretty cunt swollen filled with Wooyoung’s cum, just like it was in the video. Before he can think about it any longer, he roughly slams into you.

You scream out as Seonghwa continues to thrust into you. He was able to easily glide into you from all the cum you were stuffed with.

Your eyes are glued to Seonghwa‘s cock as it mixes with Wooyoung’s cum, “I-I’m sorry!”

“Sorry? For what? Being a whore?” Seonghwa stops his thrusts as his eyes darken with several different emotions. When you don’t respond Seonghwa raises a hand to pinch your nipple, “Hmm?”

You were grinding yourself on Seonghwa’s cock, trying to regain the friction you so desperately wanted, “Y-Yeah- Fuck! I’m sorry for being a w-whore!”

Seonghwa chuckles again at your desperateness, “All you had to do was ask nicely and I would’ve given you anything you wanted. Why’d you have to go and use Wooyoung like that?”

You bite your lip as Seonghwa resumes his thrusts, “Didn’t know- I’m sorry! I-I’m asking now. Please! Please fuck me.”

“Alright. But from now on, don’t even dare look at Wooyoung that way anymore.” Seonghwa gripped your legs and threw them over his shoulder and you screamed out as he reached deep inside of you.

You gripped onto his biceps as Seonghwa put all his power into his thrusts. You weren’t able to stay still from the overstimulation you were still feeling from your previous orgasms but you were going to let Seonghwa have what he wanted. Your breathing was laboured and you were moaning loudly as Seonghwa reached down to rub at your clit, “S-Seonghwa! Fuck!”

“What’s Wrong? Why’re you being a little bitch? Am I fucking you good? Better than Wooyoung?” Seonghwa’s jaw clenches and you moan in arousal as you feel the anger dripping off of him.

You want Seonghwa to just go for it so you smirk, “I'm not sure. You haven’t proved it to me yet.”

Just like that, there's a complete switch in Seonghwa’s attitude, “What did you say?”

“I said, ''You haven’t proved it yet.” Should I call Wooyoung back to show you?” You stared Seonghwa down as he seemingly challenged you. His glare becomes too much for you and you break the eye contact making Seonghwa grip onto your chin harshly.

“Aww, after all that you’re getting shy? I’m gonna need you to shut the fuck up and take it.” Seonghwa shoves two of his fingers in your mouth to make you quiet.

Your moans are muffled as you suck and swirl your tongue around his fingers. Seonghwa moves your legs and closes them to the side, making the both of you feel the amount of pleasure almost doubled.

Seonghwa holds onto your waist as he pounds into you, “Mine. All fucking mine.”

You clench around Seonghwa’s cock and your babbling incoherent begs and moans as he continues to mumble about how you belong to him and how he’s only the one who’s allowed to touch you. You nod vigorously, “H-Hwa! Gonna- Gonna-”

Seonghwa cuts you off as he roughly places his lips on yours. He swallows your moans as he holds onto you tightly. Your pussy is throbbing around Seonghwa’s cock and he breaks the kiss to suck on your neck.

The sensations became too much for you to be able to handle and your legs started to shake and your back arched as you came. Seonghwa never stopped his thrusts or his assault on your neck and chest.

Your pussy sucked Seonghwa’s cock in with the most lewd squelching noises from all the cum that was mixing together, just waiting for Seonghwa’s cum to be emptied inside of you. You want him to make you his. To mark you with his cum, “Cum in me Seonghwa. Please. Make me yours. Just- I’ll be yours.”

With the way you were begging, Seonghwa’s eyes shut and his head was thrown back. Seonghwa’s cock was throbbing inside of you and it didn’t take long before your soft pleads of his cum pushed him off the edge.

You gave Seonghwa a sleepy smile as he finally came. You spaced out slightly with glossy eyes as you wrapped your legs around Seonghwa’s waist to trap him and his cum inside of you, “Thank you- I- thank you.”

Seonghwa holds your face gently as you repeatedly thank him. He carefully loosens your legs from around his waist and pulls out of you. His eyes are glued to your pussy and thighs that were stained with his cum. You laughed softly before you spoke up, “Why don’t you take a picture?”

Seonghwa smirks at your words before you see a flash go off. You see another flash but this time it’s continuous. Seonghwa runs his fingers up your pussy, collecting the cum that was there before he reached his hand up to your mouth where you eagerly sucked on them.

You gave the camera the most innocent look you can muster, making Seonghwa groan. Seonghwa pulls his fingers out of your mouth and stops the recording.

He fixes his pants and leaves the room for a minute to get some of your clothes and something to clean you up with. While Seonghwa is cleaning the cum off of you you’re dozing off but you grab onto Seonghwa’s hand, “Look I’m being serious though. I’ll tell Wooyoung to delete everything. If I knew about… you know, I wouldn’t have done anything with Wooyoung. I’m sorry.”

Seonghwa pauses what he’s doing and looks up at you with a soft smile, “No it’s okay lovely. It’s my fault. I should’ve just told you a long time ago.”

@cloudyyeonnie :))

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twigwing · 3 years ago

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major spoilers for orv chapters 119, 277, 282, 305, 455, 488, other chapters. seriously don’t look at this if you aren’t done reading the novel lmao

thinking a lot about the ways kim dokja interacts with people in regards to vulnerability again. i would have to reread the entire novel with the goal of looking for and bookmarking that stuff specifically to really get to the meat of it all cuz it’s like, a major part of his character, but from the things i have observed and can re-find easily he makes me feel very. Augh. a moment that’s so important to me is when you first really get into his backstory, it’s delivered to us via him confiding in yoo sangah. big moment!! but he doesn’t like... entirely choose to do so actually? ysa just happened to overhear him angrily talking with his mother and she just happened to not leave it alone, so he caved because he was already all worked up about it and she was willing to listen

wow this got really long and has little to no structure uhhh [cuts it]

like. (text bolded by me for emphasis)

Disgusting. Now she wanted to act like a mother. Too many rivers had been crossed to go back now.

I couldn't bear it anymore and stood up. "That's right. I think that fiction is like reality. Why? It is because I have always been living that way."

"…"

"Maybe it seems pathetic to you. However, know this. At least I didn't sell 'reality as fiction' like you did."

I left the tent with these last words. Cool air entered my coat's collar and reached my body. I looked in front of me and saw the slightly startled Yoo Sangah.

"I-I'm sorry… Dokja-ssi was late…"

It was difficult. No, rather than difficult�� It was shameful.

"Do you think it is strange? Why are a mother and son talking like that?"

"That's not true."

She was lying. It was extremely strange.

"Do you want to know?"

Yoo Sangah's eyes shook for a moment. "…If you don't mind."

I smiled bitterly. Yes, now was the time to talk.

and i think it’s really important that ysa is the one who got to hear it directly from him first because she seemed to earnestly want to get to know him at the company. she at least didn’t leave him alone (or worse, antagonize him) the way so many others did. she would make an effort to say hi to him and try interacting with him she rly saw his miserable detached-from-the-world self and was like “this guy looks painfully lonely. i will friend him” it’s good. she is one of the very few people that knew kdj before the scenarios and not just knowing of him but was actively around him in his space trying to connect (ch 2, ch 371) and still continued to approach him earnestly during the scenarios (though it eventually got more and more difficult. due to the [gestures at the novel] everything)

anyway with the trauma dumping. he’s so like. mean about it. it really really genuinely feels like someone carrying such a deep pain who has reached a limit just saying anything to alleviate some of the ache no matter how much it hurts them or the listener and the narration even says as much. he’s not the composed business-like yjh-emulating scenarios-era kim dokja right now. he’s just someone who is actively aching and ysa is just the one who is there with him for it. like i’ve had this type of conversation from both sides before and it sucks and no one is all that happy about it but still it’s happening

"I thought it was quite well-known at the company. Yoo Sangah-ssi didn't know?"

There was no answer from Yoo Sangah. She had belatedly realized that she had touched a wound she shouldn't have touched.

"Do you feel even stranger now? What she did was illegal, but you are wondering why I would hate my mother for that."

"No! I'm not Dokja-ssi so I don't fully understand…"

"Honestly, do you think I should forgive her?"

Yoo Sangah couldn't say anything. It couldn't be helped. The touched wound had already burst.

"Dokja-ssi…"

"My relatives also said this. My mother is a murderer. How dare she slip her face into the newspapers?"

Yoo Sangah wanted to say something but I kept going.

"It was a bit hard because of this. No, it was hard for a long time."

"…"

I didn't want an answer. I didn't want her to understand in the first place. Maybe this was the ugliest form of violence I could do against Yoo Sangah, who grew up in a well-off family. It was an arbitrary display of unhappiness forced onto someone who would never understand.

The kind Yoo Sangah would grieve knowing that it was impossible for her to understand. I laughed at the unknown sense of victory. "I'm sorry. It was a joke."

and then like, kdj clearly being so worked up over it and then going actually it was a joke!! nevermind!!! and he calms down because she just... silently holds his hand...

"It was a lie. Were you fooled? Do you think there is a novel like this? My mother and I are ordinary people and my father had an accident when I was young…"

Then something small and soft gripped my hand. The texture was so warm that I forgot what I was about to say. For a while… I stopped walking.

Yoo Sangah wasn't looking at me. Thus, I wasn't looking at her either. We walked hand in hand without facing each other. It was as if this alone was sufficient. Strangely, my heart gradually calmed.

[The exclusive skill, 'Fourth Wall' is shaking faintly.]

Perhaps it was due to the realistic body temperature.

this is probably the first time anyone has ever actually listened to him, without ulterior motives or nasty presumptions. the first time anyone has taken his pain this seriously. the first time anyone has reached out this way. and like, in a way it sucks that ysa was steamrolled, it would’ve been nice to hear what she wanted to say to him, but i think there wasn’t any other way this exchange could have happened? i don’t think he would have listened to anything ysa could possibly say to him. she said it herself, she doesn’t understand him! and i think anything she could’ve said may have just made him more worked up and he probably would’ve done something really stupid out of some misplaced sense of emotional revenge. early on when it comes to his mom/past he can get Mean even when it isn’t the whole of how he truly feels (ch 172)

My mother was silent for a moment. The silence cheered me up a bit. The fact that my mother expected me to love her and the idea that I could hurt her feelings excited me.

and then later, in ch 277, again with yoo sangah

I looked up at the sound of knocking and saw Yoo Sangah watching me from the door. "I'm sorry Dokja-ssi. Am I disturbing you?"

"No. I called you."

he reached out to her first! but...

We silently faced each other across the small table. I called her but I couldn't easily bring up the topic. Yoo Sangah must have many questions for me as well. I told her, "Just ask."

"In fact, I've been thinking about Dokja-ssi for quite some time." Her tone sounded like she had been waiting. "Why do you know the future that others don't know? How could you be so calm in such situations and always find answers that others haven't thought of?"

"Then did you find out something?"

"I seem to know some things while others don't feel right."

Perhaps Yoo Sangah had been studying me. Just as she studied Spanish with the app, Yoo Sangah would've studied people. As always, she reached meaningful results before anyone else.

[about some constellations and their ■■ implying ‘end’] “Now… Dokja-ssi has become one of them." Yoo Sangah was staring at me with complicated eyes. Her trembling eyes held feelings that she herself couldn't measure.

I replied, "It is a good thing."

"…It is good?"

"Now I can finally try something." I smiled. However, Yoo Sangah didn't smile back.

"After the destruction of the world, I thought Dokja-ssi was happier. You laughed more often than before and seemed more vigorous… thus, you looked good. By the way…" Yoo Sangah bowed her head. "Dokja-ssi, why do you think this world is fiction?"

Yoo Sangah didn't know me. What was 'fiction' to me? What did this world mean to me? I couldn't explain or describe it.

"Ah, I'm sorry Dokja-ssi. I was presumptuous…"

Nevertheless, the only person who could tell me such things was Yoo Sangah. She was a person who noticed things that nobody cared about.

...and then it’s heavily implied then later confirmed in ch 282 he outright tells her he’s going to sacrifice himself for them again, and that he’ll leave them in her care

"Sangah-ssi, what's going on?"

"Huh? Ah, yes. It's nothing.

Yoo Sangah, who was staring blankly into space, reacted with surprise. Her pupils were empty. Jung Heewon realized that something was strange [...]

I heard the cries of the party members and told them the necessary stories. Really. I really only told them what they needed.

[Please live.]

My head tickled as horns emerged from it. My back was sore from the wings. I could hear the screams of Jung Heewon and cries of Lee Hyunsung. The children reached out for me. Yoo Sangah, who heard the story from me in advance, couldn't take her eyes off me while crying. Yoo Sangah would do things well.

orv puts a lot of emphasis on how hard it is to reach out to people in both the physical and emotional sense and it makes me Explode. from ch 488 specifically

[...] In this world where only victims existed, no, a world where the wounds of the victims were in full display, here was the lone hand full of scars extending out to her.

⸢Kim Dokja was already extending his hand out from there.⸥

It wasn't just the person reaching out, but the one grasping that hand also required courage to do so.

Courage to hold that scarred hand, courage not to give up.

Even if she knew this wouldn't heal her, even if she knew that holding that hand would only inflict her with a greater wound – courage to hold that hand in order to live for one more time.

⸢Some salvations aren't completed by the one giving them out, but by those receiving them.⸥

[HOWLING LIKE A WOUNDED BEAST]

anywayyyyy. something i really love about kdj in particular is that he does actually seem to be a guy who likes affection. physical touch is comforting, and he expresses enjoying being fussed over and cared for (ch 305, occasionally during the JTTW remake (WHICH I COULD TALK AT LENGTH ABOUT THE THINGS HE THINKS ABOUT DURING THAT ARC MY GOD.), other times but i forget them atm cuz they’re usually passing moments). ultimately what he lacks most isn’t the desire/want/need, because he has plenty of that, but the courage

i’m also unsure how much of this thought/observation is him baseline vs him in scenarios (though i would assume he was the same due to the fact he worked minimum wage jobs since he was a teen and then the getting further ground to dust by life) but one of his issues seems to be like. believing there isn’t time or space for certain things? like in ch 305 when they forced him to take a nap he went “sweet” cuz he decided there was enough time for that

「 In fact, he could wake up anytime he wanted but Kim Dokja didn't do this. 」

Thus, I decided to be the audience of the play.

「 For the first time since the fall began, Kim Dokja slept comfortably. 」

It was the first time I felt this way. My heart was always impatient. Now I could be protected by someone. There were people I could trust.

–Take a break, Dokja-ssi.

…Yes, there was still some time until the 46th scenario. The moment I made up my mind, a full sleep came over me.

but then when they forced him to take an actual everyone kick back relax break in ch 455+ he was like What The Fuck. What The Fuck. because he decided there wasn’t ANY time for that we have a big scenario JUST around the corner

"Just what is going on…?"

"This is the workers' revolution, dumbass."

"Okay, you've been harping on about a revolution and whatnot for a while now, but…"

"Argh, I just want to take a damn break. Do I need to spell it out for you??"

I frowned after she berated me.

Taking a break?

"What are you talking about? Don't you know what era we're in right now?"

"What era are we in, then?"

I wasn't sure what to say when she retorted back like that. What did she mean by 'what' era we were in?

[Currently, the Nebula <Kim Dokja's Company> possesses the qualification to enter the Final Scenario.]

[Remaining time to enter the scenario is: 28 days, 12 hours, 15 minutes and 7 seconds.]

28 DAYS LMFAO kdj get off the grind!!!! go lay down!!!!!!!

idk this is really rambling and disjointed i just like him. i’m a kim dokja love account i’m gonna tie him to a chair and feed him room temperature soup just the way he likes it. you are loved (threat)

#twigpost #orv #long post #orv spoilers #orv novel spoilers #SORRY FOR THE [GESTURES] THIS.#UH #i don't think about things in a linear fashion so this is not very connected #and am really just trying to exorcise this from my brain #which will ultimately fail because i've forced my dear friend nick to have this exact conversation like #10 times with me. lmfao #and i'll do it again!

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cherry-pop-soda · 3 years ago

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hi hii ik we're alr kinda talking abt this but im curious abt your track-by-track reaction to unsound methods :D

okay so it’s been two weeks since I listened to the whole album and my short term memory is actual garbage, and I don’t remember all of the songs super super clearly so I had to go back and re-listen to a lot of them, which is why it took me so long to respond to this. (sorry about that.) but I have so much analysis about this and i’m about to go way too in depth into this so!! let’s get into this!!!

incubus - every alan song has a rly good buildup and climax type of structure but on this song it’s just SO well done to me. I had absolutely NO idea what I was getting myself into with this album as a whole so this song took me kind of off guard at first bc the climax of it is just SO MUCH but it’s grown on me a lot

drifting - I immediately liked this one which is probably a little bit because I really like siobhan’s vocals. but there isn’t such a buildup on this song. but also the words “I taste the tracks of the waste in my head” are just. OUGH. and also every time she says “I am poison” my head explodes for some unknown reason

luscious apparatus - I literally have to mentally prepare myself if I want to listen to this song because it is SOMETHING ELSE. we kind of went over this but I NEED to analyze this song like it’s a lab specimen so pls strap in bc I still have so much to say about this song. first of all the words “luscious apparatus” are so abstract together and I love the way it sounds for some reason. but also the fact that the whole song is a story and such a weird twisted one at that is so cool to me. and then there’s so many small little details that make it that much more off putting to me, like the line “their mouths get smaller with dreams“ and “graveyard shift at the mayonnaise factory” and “1am lunch break”. the way it starts with such small details that don’t totally make sense just adds so much to the whole creepiness of the song. and then ESPECIALLY “jack was trying to carve poems into himself/ and now he wanted to carve some in her” is just one HELL of a line imo. and then finally how after the whole climax of the story happens and its all suspenseful and they just. PAUSE. and then the only conclusion is just the final line “carla didn’t think of jack as a luscious apparatus after that”. they dropped ALL OF THAT with no explanation for what it means at ALL and then leave you there to linger with it for another minute. everything about this song just accentuates how insanely unsettling it is and I LOVE that

stalker - THIS SONG IS ALSO JUST SO CREEPY. and the detail of 911 call sound added in makes it so much more unsettling. And I like how some of the lines are repeated bc I feel like it adds to that feeling. and also I need to mention the like “her serenity oozed into my ear” because THAT IS JUST. SUCH A COOL ARRANGEMENT OF WORDS. IT IS CREEPY AND UNSETTLING AND I ADORE IT FOR SOME REASON. overall this song makes it feel like you are hearing the inner thoughts of the stalker character which is SO CREEPY

red river cargo - I really like how the vocals kind of fade in slightly at the beginning. there’s not a whole lot to say abt the lyrics but the instrumental break at like 2:50 is. EPIC. SHDJXHSNXG. this song feels like a gospel song but distorted and ghostlike. it’s like if a bunch of old ghosts who were all from the same group of people but in different time periods all came together to sing the song and commiserate over their generations of suffering, but because they’re ghosts it comes out distorted. until the very end when it becomes clear again, which makes me think of a new generation from the same group of people singing the same song. maybe it isn’t that deep but I got a very strong (and very intriguing) mental image from it!

control freak - THE FUCKING VOICE CHANGE AT 1:36 IS. SOMETHING ELSE. I’m not even totally sure what else to say abt this song but I am going to brand it as one of the Intense Outrageous Ones™ bc I feel like it deserves it. also the repeated drum sound in the last like?? minute or so?? of the song I just really like for some reason. ALSO also istg it sounds like they play the “you’re all i need to get high” like backwards at some parts which is so interesting to me

missing piece - THIS. THIS IS THE SONG THAT STARTED IT ALL. fun fact! I heard this song a from an audio file that you actually reblogged a while ago! and I was so enraptured that I decided to go listen to the whole album. this song is incredible I ADORE it so much. the opening line “i wanna write myself on the walls of your heart” is SO GOOD. the climax of the song isn’t really super intense but it’s still just so good and I love how it sounds. I also adore the line “sometimes is a lonely place” for. unknown and inexplicable reasons. this is my favorite song on the album I think it is spectacular

last breath - I love how the sound at the beginning sounds like it’s pulsing and how it keeps pausing. it sounds like the musical version of a wind gust that is struggling to maintain its power. and the wolf howling sound is so well placed as is the entrance of the gospel vocals. and the (for lack of bette phrasing) beat drop thing at 2:27 is SOOO GOOD to me for some reason as well. I also do like the drum beat and rewind sound thing at like 4:04. i’m not totally sure what else I want to say about this one but I like it. and the drum at the very very end is also very good. I can’t articulate it well but. all the songs have very good arrangement of sounds but this one sticks out to me for some reason

shunt - idk if this is audible on all devices but I LOVE that the train chugging?? noise at the beginning sounds like it’s literally going left to right across the inside of my phone. and how the echoey noises (I am. horrible at describing things sorry) seriously sound like they’re fucking MOVING TOWARD ME. like it’s in my phone this should not be possible. I also like the more expansive and lengthy notes/sounds that run in the background of the funkier drum and synth sounds. that makes so little sense but yeah. and how the whispers start off totally indecipherable until it gets to the “there’s blood on the line”. like maybe that’s just me and my brain’s shitty sound processing skills that make it impossible for me to decipher the words other than “there’s blood on the line” but i’m not sure. i’m actually really curious what you think about that part or if you can tell what words are being said bc I Cannot, hsjshdjd. also moving on, I like how it gets faster and faster and faster until the very end of the song when all the music just stops and it’s just the two voices. and also how the very last repetition of “there’s blood on the line” echoes so much I just think that sounds really cool

generally speaking, this entire album was so good. it was something else. it was So Much. I especially love how abstract and incredibly poetic a lot of the lyrics are. I might have to make a post series of my favorite recoil lyrics like the depeche mode ones I did after I listen to the rest of his albums.

in conclusion: I feel like these shitty memes I made can articulate my listening experience better than I can, so please have these

#“that luscious can apparatus” is genuinely possibly one of the dumbest fucking phrases my brain has ever conjured I can’t stop laughing

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tanzaniiite · 4 years ago

Note

can i request the trend of tiktok “the faster you get to me the more kisses you get!” with tsukishima, akaashi, bokuto and hinata? 🥺👉👈

“THE FASTER YOU GET TO ME, THE MORE KISSES YOU GET” TREND

w/ tsukishima, akaashi, bokuto, hinata & iwaizumi

requests: OPEN

warnings: talk of pee and poop in iwaizumi’s

a/n: of course you can! thanks for the request! 💓 (also the trend is used more as a prompt than it is as the main focus whoops 🤡)

i added iwaizumi bc he was requested in another ask so i just merged the two. my character limit is still four max!

who gave him the right 🥵

the salt lick himself

this dude is annoyingggg

you already knew what his reaction was gonna be,, so why bother?

welll you just wanted to be like all the other tiktok girls 👉🏽👈🏽

you wait until you see tsukki and yama walking out of the club room and towards you

you’re bracing yourself for the embarrassment

“babe! the faster you get to me, the more kisses you get!”

no shit, he stops in his tracks. yama’s just looking at him like ‘what you finna do?’

you know what he does? turns around and starts walking in THE OTHER DIRECTION

you are… baffled

when finally catch up to him, you’re pouting

“dude, what the hell?”

he glances at you, then flicks your forehead dummy hard

you’re triggered, “did you just flick me?”

this snarky mf is now laughing at you

btw yamaguchi is very uncomfortable rn

tsukishima the leans down, bean pole headass, and kisses your forehead

“sorry i don’t do dumb tik tok trends”

“it’s not dumb! you just didn’t want to kiss me”

he looks at you with an unimpressed look, as if saying, ‘we both know that’s not true’

alas you’re still pouting

yama: “haha this is me, see you guys tmmr” *leaves in awkward*

tsukishima knows your not gonna stop acting like a baby until he gives you what you want

he sighs, walks a couple feet away from you, pulls out his phone and starts recording

“say the thing”

“huh?”

“the trend thing. say it”

your eyes light up so much and tsukki smiles a bit

he’s so soft for you uwu

“the faster you get to me, the more kisses you get!”

because he’s a tall boi, it only takes him a few steps to get to you but when he does, he kisses you hard

like damn, okay sir

when he pulls away you’re flustered asf, he chuckles and stops recording

“happy?”

this poor boy wouldn’t know a tiktok trend if it punched him the face

i hate to say it, but he’s a boomer 😔🤘🏽 just like dadchi

he’s at your house picking you up for a date and your sibling is bombarding him with questions

when you come out, akaashi is like ‘oh thank goodness’

you smile at him, then wack your sibling in their side

“stop bothering him you weirdo!”

“what we’re just having a nice lil chat”

you shake your head and start to walk away but your sibling is holding akaashi back, giving him the typical ‘you hurt her, i kill you’ speech

now you know your boyfriend is great when he’s under pressure but.. this is new territory for him

you remember a trend that you saw a while back and decide to do it now

you know keiji wants your family to like him, so he’ll be conflicted between going to you or staying and listening to your siblings speech

it’s perfect really

so you pull out your phone and start recording

“baby! the faster you get to me, the sooner we can go on our date and the more kisses you’ll get”

my guy just blinks, “it is getting late..”. plus he’s not opposed to the kissing part so he starts to walk towards you

“hey! i’m not done talking to you”

‘that’s true, it would be rude of me to walk away mid conversation… if you could even call it that’ he thinks

you laugh slightly, you can practically see the gears spinning in his head

“keiji come on we don’t have all day”

“don’t you walk away from me”

akaashi sighs loudly. the longer he spends talking to your sibling the less time he has with you. if he walks away, he’s at risk of your sibling hating him. he’s stumped.

suddenly he turns to your sibling, “sorry l/n, we can continue this discussion later. y/n and i have a date that’s very time sensitive. i apologize”

he then walks to you and grabs your hand before walking off

“y’know my crackhead sibling was just mess with you right? you could’ve just walked away”

“i figured, but that’s still rude”

ugh we stan boy who has manners

“so.. um, may i get a kiss now?”

omg he’s so cute i love him 🥺

you grin and pepper his face with a bunch of kisses, making him blush slightly

tbh you don’t even need to ask, this dude is infatuated w/ you

he’ll run to you any day of the week

but what had happened was.. y’all were on a date and bokuto went to go get ice cream

but that was like 15 mins ago and you’re just sitting on the park bench looking like a fool

and ngl you were a little worried bc bokuto is so easy to distract you’re thinking he fell into a pond or something

so you go to look for him and tbh it doesn’t take long cause cmon,, it’s bokuto

he be loud asf

n e ways, there he is in all his glory playing with a German Shepard who looked like it was trying so hard not to bite him

the owner looked nervous asf but was probably too nervous to say something social anixety be like that

bokuto spots you and waves at you frantically

“hey babe! look at this dog! it’s so cute!”

ugh bless him

you send the owner an apologetic look and turn back to bokuto

“it is cute but i think you’re aggravating it.. i don’t want you to get bitten. let’s go”

“it won’t bite me!” *to dog* “right? you’re too good to bite me, yes you are, yes you are”

*inhales* this stubborn kid, so now you got to think of a new tactic

you suddenly remember that bokuto is affectionate x1 mil

he would never miss a chance to be smothered in love

this was as good a time as any to do this trend and save your bf in the process :))

you whip out your phone, “hey baby? the faster you get to me, the more kisses you get”

when i tell you his head SWIVELED

the dude is an owl confirmed 🙌🏽

literally almost trips trying to get to you, now he’s looking at you like an excited puppy ready for pats

the owner gives you thankful look and leaves

bokuto is still staring at you, waiting for his smooches

so you deliver 😌 you grab his face and kiss all around and place a final kiss on his lips

bokuto looks so happy, like he’s smiling so wide rn

all hail tiktok it rly be saving your stupid boyfriend

my bby 🥺

he loves you so so so so much

hinata will do anything for you yes anything

and the feeling is mutual, but sometimes you cannot comprehend what goes on in that mind if his

like,, you could not, for the life of you, understand why he ran into MOVING TRAFFIC

let me tell you what happened

so you were shopping with your friends (and just to clarify y’all were a strip where there’s a bunch of stores on each block)

you guys were just casual walking and then your friend pointed out that it sounded like someone was calling your name

you looked around and there was your orange fuzzy bouncing up and down on the other side of the street

“BABY! BABE! Y/N! LOOK!”

too cute i swear

you smiled and waved, “hi baby!”

“wait until i get across this street imma kiss you so hard!”

cue your friends gagging

you giggle and decide to reference a tiktok cause why not?

“the faster you get to me, the more kisses you can get!”

b-but he thought you were serious

so yes he ran into the middle of a busy street

you are traumatized, paralyzed with fear if you will, you thought your boyfriend was going to die right in front of you

when he finally reached you, you scolded him mother hen mode activated

“why the hell would you do that hinata?!”

uh oh, you used his last name.. not good

“but you said–”

“i was joking!”

oh. now he’s embarrassed and sad bc you’re mad at him

at least he thought you were until you grabbed him and hugged him tightly, “don’t ever do any dumb shit like that again, okay? you scared me”

“i won’t,, but since i did risk my life, can i get a kiss?”

“NO.”

i feel like y’all have a relationship where you guys can be mean(?) to each other w/o getting offended

so you guys are at your house watching Netflix together and he suddenly gets up and leaves your room

“where are you going?”

“gotta piss”

istg i hate the word “piss” but IK he says that instead of “pee”

n e ways you resume watching the show but your bf’s been gone for like 10 mins

you go to the bathroom and knock on the door, “hey, you good in there? it doesn’t take 10 minutes to pee”

you hear him groan, “fuck off”

and then,, it all clicks, “are you constipated?!”

“FUCK OFF”

now you’re laughing your ass of bc what the fuck

“don’t clog my toilet nasty”

“y/n i swear to god if you don’t leave me alone–”

“what? are you gonna fling your doo doo on me?”

you finally stop teasing him and go back to your room

you send him a text, ‘still constipated? 💩’

‘breaking up w/ you is looking mighty tempting rn 🥴’

‘rude 🤧 but hey, the faster you poop, the more kisses you get’

this dude left you on read

and didn’t return until 20 mins later

“damn i know my bathroom stinks now”

“shut up and give me my kisses”

you raise an eyebrow, “i– you took 20 mins”

“okay.. did you want me to get up mid shit and come to you?”

you don’t why but that shit had you cackling, you reach up and pull him close to you

you give him a couple of pecks and a deep kiss

aww he’s smiling 🥺

“i love you my lil doo doo machine”

he pushed you off your bed

3K notes · View notes

gamergirl929 · 4 years ago

Text

I’m In Love With My Best Friend’s Sister (Christen Press x Reader)

Anonymous Request: omg yesss ur requests are open!!! could u write a Christen x Morgan!reader one where christen is Alex’s rly good friend but falls for her younger sister? yay I rly enjoy ur writing :)

I REALLY appreciate everyone’s kindness, this will be the only fic I post today, but the plan is to get back to three next Friday. <3

Alex lets out a squeal as she wraps her arms tightly around you, the two of you burying yourselves in one another's embrace.

"I can't believe you're here." Alex grins against your neck and you scoff.

"Oh, so YOU'RE the only Morgan who can get called to the USWNT camp." You roll your eyes playfully, the forward pulling you into a headlock, digging her knuckles into your head.

"Shut it short stack."

You growl, wiggling out of her hold.

"I'm not THAT short."

Kelley makes her way towards you, the defender's eyes narrowing as she places a hand on the top of your head, comparing her height with yours, noting the fact that you're just a bit shorter than her.

"Yeah, you're short."

You scoff.

"You're biased!"

Meanwhile, Christen and Tobin have made their way towards the field, the green orbed forward grinning as she jogs towards you, wrapping her arms around you from behind.

"If it isn't my favorite Morgan." She rests her chin on your shoulder and you smirk, sticking your tongue out at Alex.

"You hear that? I'm her favorite Mor-

Alex pinches your nose, your bottom lip jutting out in a pout.

"Alex..." You whine, your voice altered in a way that makes her snort.

You grimace, pulling away from her, your eyes widening when you realize your body is flush with Christen's, the forward's cheeks flushing.

You clear your throat quickly shuffling away from Christen.

"S-Sorry..." You mumble, rubbing the back of your neck and Christen smiles.

"Don't worry about it." She winks, your cheeks flushing bright red.

Kelley gives you a nudge.

"Let's see what you've got little Morgan."

***

Apparently, you had a lot, because by the end of practice, you'd absolutely torn up the field, scoring a number of goals and assisting on another.

Alex pulls you into a sweaty hug, the woman again digging her knuckles into the top of your head.

"Are you trying to make me look bad?" Alex growls, the two of you ending up wrestling in the middle of the field, Alex laughing as you jump on her back.

Christen watches the two of you with a massive grin, the woman shaking her head.

"Some things never change, do they?" Tobin asks, Christen's head shaking back and forth.

"Nope."

Christen sees a brief flash of the two of you, both much younger than you are now, the two of you in the exact same position you are now, you hanging off Alex's back as the two of you laugh.

Christen had always had a soft spot for you, the older woman in all honesty crushing on you since you’d met.

Mind you, the two of you were fairly close in age, so it wasn't the age gap that kept her from making a move, it was the fact that you were her best friend's little sister, and Christen wasn't sure if that was a line she was willing to cross.

Christen's crush hadn't ebbed in any way, shape or form, the woman's crush growing more and more as the years went on, but AGAIN, she wasn't sure if that was a line she'd ever wanted to cross.

In that very moment you turn to her with a grin, the woman's heart skipping a beat.

Deep down, she wanted to cross that line, but she wouldn't lose Alex Morgan as a friend, no matter what, she wouldn't lose her and she wouldn't lose you.

***

You throw yourself into an empty bus seat with a lengthy yawn, Christen snickering as she sits behind you, Tobin at her side.

“What’s so funny?” You stick your tongue out at her, the woman giggling.

“Why doesn’t it surprise me that you’re tired?” She smirks, earning an eye roll.

“I’m not ALWAYS tired.”

Alex scoffs on her way by.

“Yes, you are.”

You growl, your eyes narrowed, you turn to Christen with a pout, the forward’s cheeks flushing, something Tobin immediately catches on to.

She gives her a nudge, the forward turning to her, brows knitted in confusion.

“Be careful, your crush is showing.”

Christen’s cheeks flush bright red, the woman’s mouth opening and closing a few times before she glances away.

“You okay Chrissy?” You ask, worriedly and Christen smiles at you using the nickname you’d given her years ago.

“I’m okay.”

You nod, turning away, but you can’t help but sneak another glance at the forward out of the corner of your eye, your heart skipping a beat at the way she giggles at something Tobin had said.

Suddenly, something zooms across the bus, hitting you right in the forehead.

You growl, eyes narrowed as you search for the source, finding a beaming Alex Morgan staring your way.

“Bitch.” You mouth, the woman gasping.

“How rude.”

You stick your tongue out at her, catching Christen’s green orbs on you out of the corner of your eye, a grin stretched across her face.

You sigh.

“Ugh I’m screwed.”

***

Being at camp meant spending more and more time with Christen, meaning your childhood crush on her grew more and more.

Christen Press had always been beautiful, as the years past, she only got more and more beautiful, your childhood crush spiraling into something new.

Alex was unaware of your feelings for the woman, how could you tell your older sister that you were crushing on her best friend?

You knew if you told her she’d tease you to hell and back, so in a way, Christen Press was untouchable, and untouchable meant that she’d always be out of your reach.

Every time you saw that smile, and those sparkling green orbs would lock with yours, you would absolutely swoon.

You wanted her, you wanted her in a way you knew you’d never have her, you wouldn’t cross that line, you wouldn’t do that to Alex, you knew it would bother her, and you weren’t about to do that to her.

Still, the crush on Christen was gaining traction and soon, you weren’t sure if you’d be able to hold your feelings back for much longer.

***

Camp had literally been kicking your ass, you wanted to stand out, you wanted to earn a spot on the team, NOT just because you were Alex Morgan’s little sister.

You so tired in fact, that on team bonding movie night, you simply laid face down in bed, your teammates having to sit around your tired form.

“Hey, scoot over.” You feel a poke in your back and groan, your face still buried in your pillow.

You let out a grunt when you’re rolled over, your bottom lip jutting out as you look up into a pair of familiar green orbs.

“Chrissssssssssssssss.” You whine as the woman scoots you over, flopping down on the bed beside you, along with Tobin.

You grimace, rolling back over, one arm and one leg hanging off the bed.

Christen rolls her eyes.

“Come here.”

Your eyes widen when you realize Christen has her arms open, your heart racing in your chest, your stomach flip flopping.

Christen surprises you by pulling you into her arms, the woman’s cheeks blood red as you lean against her, letting out a relaxed sigh, the feeling of her arms wrapped around you bringing you a sense of comfort you never thought you could feel, your skin absolutely buzzing.

Christen’s heart stutters in her chest as you snuggle into her side, letting out a lengthy yawn.

“You’ve been working yourself too hard.” She chastises and you huff.

“I have to make the team...” You mumble. “Not just because I’m Alex’s little sister.”

Christen brushes a strand of hair out of your face and you smile, the two of you completely unaware that you have an audience, a certain forward looking at you with intrigue.

“You can’t run yourself into the ground.” She whispers and you sigh.

“I know...”

There’s a beat of silence, Christen’s lips parting to continue your conversation, but she quickly realizes you’re fast asleep.

She shakes her head, hugging you tighter.

“Someone looks comfy.”

Christen’s green orbs widen, her cheeks flushing when she sees Alex’s blue orbs on the two of you, the woman’s eyes narrowed.

“She’s being too hard on herself.” She shrugs, Alex nodding, the corners of her mouth drooping downwards.

“She wants to make the team based on skill, not her last name, but she can’t run herself into the ground...” Alex brushes her fingertips down your jawline and you grumble in your sleep, snuggling closer to Christen, the forward biting her bottom lip to hold back a massive grin.

Alex’s blue orbs dart from you, to Christen and back, the wheels in her brain turning. She shakes her head.

She didn’t see what she thought she was seeing...

Right?

***

Making the USWNT was a dream, a dream that had just become a reality, and it wasn’t just because your last name was Morgan.

The first to get to you, of course, was Alex, but right on her heels was Christen, the woman wrapping her arms tightly around you after Alex had nearly squeezed you to death.

Christen turns her head, kissing your cheek.

“I am so proud of you Y/N.” She whispers in your ear, your cheeks flushing as you bury your face in her neck.

It’s entirely an accident when Christen shifts, your lips brushing her neck, the forward inhaling sharply.

The two of you abruptly jump apart, your and Christen’s eyes wide as you glance away from one another, cheeks blood red.

“Uhhh, s-sorry.”

Alex hums, eyes narrowing.

Something was going on between the two of you, and she was going to find out what.

***

“Have Y/N and Christen been acting... Strange?” Alex asks Kelley, the defender’s brows furrowing.

“No stranger than usual.” She snorts, glancing down the breakfast table, catching your gaze on Christen, the woman giggling at something Tobin had said, when the forward turns towards you, you turn away, your cheeks flushed bright red.

Kelley hums, glancing at Christen, noticing the fact that her cheeks are tinted red. She turns back to Alex, the two sharing a glance.

“Maybe stranger than usual.”

Alex nods.

“So, will you help me?”

Kelley’s brows furrow.

“Help you what?”

“Shadow them?”

Kelley snorts.

“You mean spying?”

Alex groans.

“Yes, I mean spying.”

Kelley shrugs.

“I’m in.”

***

“Al, we’ve been following them around all week, eavesdropping on them at practice, when we go out to dinner, even at the bookstore, I do NOT do dusty bookstores JAN, YOU KNOW I HAVE ALLERGIES.” Kelley growls, Alex flopping her hand at her in an attempt to silence her.

The two watch you stealthily from a nearby aisle, Alex humming when she sees your fingers brush, the two of you glancing at one another, eyes wide and cheeks flushed before you both turn away from one another.

Alex’s blue orbs narrow.

“Did you see that...?” She whispers, growling when she doesn’t get a response.

Alex’s mouth drops when she sees Kelley modeling a ugly brown Bud Light hat in a nearby mirror.

“Jan, how do I look?” She turns towards her, the forward glancing at you and Christen before she makes her way towards Kelley.

“Yeah, that’s not your color.”

Though her eyes are no longer on the two of you, the wheels in Alex’s brain keep turning, trying to think of reasons why the two of you are acting so strange.

***

You make your way to the roof with a frown, the rain lightly falling as you make your way to the edge of the roof, taking a seat, your legs dangling off the edge, at least one of the edges considering there was a tiny overhang beneath your feet.

Fans had been particularly cruel as of late, many saying that the only reason you were on the USWNT was because of your last name.

You knew fans would talk, you knew they’d say there were more deserving players, and in ways, they were right.

In your eyes, you hadn’t gotten onto the team simply because of your last name, but because of your skill.

You shake your head.

“Hey.”

You turn around abruptly, making sure you don’t fall off the building in your haste to turn to the voice’s owner.

Christen slowly shuffles towards you, taking a seat beside you.

“What are you doing up here?” She asks, her legs dangling off the edge of the building and you shrug.

“Just needed some time to think.”

The two of you go silent, your eyes fluttering shut as you lean towards Christen, resting your head on her shoulder.

Christen stiffens, her cheeks flushing, heart skipping a beat in her chest.

“Everyone thinks I got here because my last name is Morgan...” You frown, eyes widening slightly when Christen slips an arm around you.

“Let them talk Y/N, they’re wrong.” Christen rests her head against yours.

“You don’t realize just how good you are Y/N, your place is on the USWNT, it’s with Alex...” Christen swallows hard, her heart racing in her chest.

“It’s with me.”

Your eyes widen as you pick your head up, turning to face Christen, the woman already turned towards you, her cheeks flushed.

Unconsciously, your eyes dart from her green orbs, to her lips and back.

It’s then you realize you were leaning in, as was Christen, your lips meeting in an electric, and earth-shattering kiss.

You’d been kissed before, yes, but kissing Christen Press was like coming home, it was like the first ray of sun poking out from behind a black rain cloud after a deadly storm, it was like being complete.

Christen cups your cheek, her lips moving gently against yours, the two of you parting only to lean back in, your lips meeting again.

Eventually, the two of you reluctantly part, your foreheads resting together as your eyes flutter open, locking, your lips splitting into massive grins.

“I’ve been wanting to do that, for a really... Really long time.” You whisper, Christen leaning in to bump her nose against yours.

“Me too.”

***

After the kiss shared between you and Christen on the rooftop that night, you weren’t sure where the two of you stood, but considering Christen had been stuck to you like glue, you imagine you stood shoulder to shoulder when it came to what the kiss meant for the two of you.

It wasn’t Christen’s reaction that scared you, it was Alex’s.

Alex Morgan and Christen Press had been friends for as long as you could remember, and you don’t know what kissing Christen would do to that friendship, in all honesty, you were terrified.

“Hey.”

You’re unable to bite back a smile when Christen makes her way towards you, a bashful smile on her face.

Inconspicuously, Christen leans against you, her fingers brushing yours.

You glance around, grabbing the forward’s arm and dragging her into a secluded employee’s only room in the hotel you were staying at.

Christen inhales sharply when you grab the front of her tee shirt and pull her into a kiss, the woman all too happy to reciprocate.

She brushes her nose playfully back and forth against yours, the two of you smiling softly.

“I’m scared about what Alex-

It’s with wide eyes that you realize the two of you aren’t alone, the piercing blue orbs of the aforementioned woman darting from Christen, to you and back.

“I-

Christen swallows hard.

“We can-

Alex shakes her head.

“I knew something was going on, but I guess I thought you’d trust me enough to tell me...” Alex frowns sadly, unable to look at you and Christen.

Alex shakes her head, her mouth opening and closing a few times before she turns on her heels, taking her leave.

“Al, wait!” You call out, chasing after her, unable to catch her as she sprints away, leaving you and Christen behind, the two of you turning to one another sadly, the two of you hoping that she’ll come around, but knowing you’d BOTH have to earn her trust back again.

***

Kelley gently runs a hand down Alex’s back.

“I mean, we knew something was going on...” Kelley sighs, Alex shaking her head.

“I just wish they had told me... I wish they had trusted me enough...” Alex mumbles, the defender nodding sympathetically.

A soft knock on the hotel room’s door makes both Alex and Kelley turn their attention to the closed door, the two sharing a glance.

“I think we both know who that is...” Kelley frowns. “Do you want me to answer it?”

You knock again.

“Come on Al, please.” You call out through the door, the forward sighing.

“Let her in.”

Kelley pats her back.

“Just, hear her out.”

Alex nods, the defender making her way to the door, tugging it open, frowning when she sees your Y/E/C orbs are bloodshot and full of tears.

Kelley throws her arms around you, giving you a squeeze.

“Let her know you trust her, she loves you, and she loves Chris.” She whispers in your ear, kissing your temple before she takes her leave, leaving you and Alex alone.

Uncertainly, you make your way towards the bed, Y/E/C orbs locking with Alex’s blue orbs.

She pats the bed beside her.

“Come on, sit down.”

You wordlessly sit down, sure not to leave a gap between you, your arm pressed against hers, the two of you remaining silent.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Alex asks softly, unable to look you in the eye.

You slip off the bed, sitting on the carpet in front of her.

“I was scared...” You frown, taking Alex’s hands. “I didn’t know what was happening between Christen and I, I didn’t want you losing your best friend and I didn’t want to lose my sister.”

Alex squeezes your hands.

“You could NEVER lose me. Never.” She pulls you close, spreading her legs as you wrap your arms around her middle, your head resting against her chest.

“I love you more than anything Y/N, there’s nothing you could ever do to lose me...” She ducks down, kissing the top of your head.

The two of you remain silent, that is until Alex snorts.

“So, you and Chris huh?” She asks, watching as your cheeks flush bright red.

“Allllllllll...” You whine, the forward shrugging.

“What? You can’t date my best friend and expect me not to say anything.” She sticks her tongue out at you and your eyes widen.

“W-We’re not dating...” You fidget, your sister scoffing.

“Well, I don’t kiss MY friends.”

You huff.

“I don’t know where we stand...” You shrug. “I really, really like her, I always have...” You murmur, unable to keep your cheeks from flushing bright red.

Alex hums thoughtfully.

“Maybe you need to talk about it?”

You swallow hard, nodding.

“What if she doesn’t want to be with me?” You frown sadly.

“Then I’ll literally murder her for leading you on.”

You give her a nudge.

“No killing Chris.”

“If she hurts you I will!”

You grin, wrapping your arms tightly around the forward.

“I love you Al.”

“I love you too.”

***

The second green orbs lock with blue your eyes widen.

“Uh-oh.” You mumble, watching as Alex makes her way towards Christen, the forward swallowing hard.

You watch, nervously as Alex, even though her and Christen are the same size, towers over her.

You quickly realize everyone is watching the exchange between the two, it’s then you understand that they must ALL know about what’s going on between you and Christen, the women eagerly waiting to see the eventually confrontation between your older sister and Christen.

Alex takes a deep breath.

“I know we’re best friends, but if you hurt Y/N, I won’t hesitate to literally kill you.” Alex says rather coldly, watching as Christen’s eyes widen.

“You...” She pauses, swallowing hard. “You’re not mad that we’re...” Christen glances your way, her cheeks flushing.

“We’re-

“Dating?” Alex fills in the blank, watching as Christen shuffles nervously from foot to foot.

“I don’t know where we stand...”

Alex huffs dramatically.

“You two REALLY need to talk.” She rolls her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“I really, really like her.” Christen shrugs. “I just don’t know where we stand.”

Alex nods in your direction, Christen’s cheeks flushing deep red when she realizes you’re staring at the two of them.

“You’ll never know unless you ask.” Alex shrugs. “Remember even though I love you, I’ll kill you if you hurt her.”

Christen nods, grinning as Alex wraps her arms tightly around her.

“I wouldn’t expect ANYTHING less.”

The two eventually part, Christen giving her best friend a nod before she jogs your way.

You swallow hard as the woman comes to a halt in front of you.

“Do you want to go on a date with me tomorrow night? Dinner?” Christen asks boldly and your eyes widen, your lips splitting into a grin.

Over Christen’s shoulder you see Alex smirking your way, the woman, along with the rest of your teammates giving you a thumbs up.

Your tongue swipes at your dry lips, the pink flesh of your bottom lip trapped between your teeth.

“I’d love to.”

#uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine #christen press x reader #christen press imagine

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