#sorry im rambling i just feel so fucking nostalgic

[dietdoubledewme]

going thru my Instagram archive, lookin at my old sp art circa 2019 and maaaannnn I really wish I knew where all those sketchbooks were. I want to redraw some of that stuff or just look at it in full.

I know that the digital stuff is on my old laptop, but it's in South Africa with my boyfriend. I also know I used to have a Tumblr on here but I've gutted and deleted so many Tumblr blogs over the years, i really wish I didn't do that AHHHH

[sharpth1ng]

when stu was dating tatum (because billy told him to) did he actually like/“love” her in a romantic way ?(ik love is a strong word) because in debaser/wom he talks about how he actually liked her and all of their friends and kinda how he misses(?) all of them.

is this like strictly platonic and sexual? do you think he liked her sexually(well because they fucked so that might be a stupid question😭) like obviously he loves billy and they have a deeper relationship than anyone with anything and if he did like anyone else it’s definitely not the same as him and billy’s relationship, but is he like billy in the way that he couldn’t have a “meaningful relationship” with someone other than billy?

SORRY FOR RAMBLING ITS LIKE 1:00 AND IM REREADING DEBASER

Stu is really complicated in terms of the way he values other people, but no, he didn't meaningfully love Tatum. If she had lived long enough to threaten his and Billy's plan then he wouldn't be remembering her in a nostalgic way.

Stu is different from Billy in that he's significantly more social, he craves social interaction, so while he doesn't really value people in a normal way he does want and enjoy having friends. I don't think he really considered what the effect of killing all of his friends would be, he was so high on Billy and the idea of being together after that he wasn't really prepared to lose a bunch of social stimulation all at once. In that way he does miss people like Tatum and Randy. They were fun to him, he enjoyed their presence in his life, but he also sees them as disposable in a way that Billy isn't.

I do think that Stu has the capacity for affection and attraction to more people than Billy is, he'd probably be (unethically) non-monogamous in a world where Billy doesn't exist. Realistically I think Stu has done a lot of cheating, like he'd be dating Casey and hooking up with some random other girl at a party when she's not there. The only person he's ever been emotionally faithful to is Billy, so in that way yeah, I don't think he could have a meaningful relationship with someone else, but I do think the relationships he would have would be a little more substantial, and could at least have the potential of being a bit healthier.

In contrast to Billy, I think Stu would have more of an ability to deepen relationships over time and there's people like Leslie he's attached to in a different way. I don't necessarily think that deepening happens a lot of the time though, because he often behaves in ways that make people less willing to let him get closer.

Stu's most well-adjusted non-Billy romantic future would be something like solo-poly where he wouldn't have any primary partners, but that's really hopeful lmao. Even if he got there eventually he would still spend a good chunk of his life just being a serial cheater. He'd be the kind of guy who just wouldn't really take you seriously when you find out he's cheating. He'd be like "Aw shit, sucks you feel that way but this situation is kinda harsh now so I'm gonna dip. No hard feelings!"

I think there's some chance of him meeting people who would have the patience to teach him that there are ways to have less exclusive relationships without being such an asshole about it. But realistically even the version of him sort of trying to do it right is mostly doing that because its annoying when people are always mad at you all the time, and he's still going to be a dick about things. Other people's emotions just don't affect him as much as Billy's do, so he's often pretty emotionally insensitive.

To get back to Tatum, Stu genuinely liked her personality, found it fun to hang out with her, and yeah, was sexually attracted to her. Sex isn't always romantic, some people can genuinely just enjoy having sex as a fun activity with friends. It's fun to do the feel-good activity with people you like and I think that's how it was for Stu, and Tatum as well to an extent. Because I think Tatum was also significantly more attached to Sidney than to Stu.

The thing is that there are parts of Stu that he just wouldn't know how to share with someone other than Billy, and part of the reason he can share them with Billy is because they grew up together. Stu's very aware that he has urges and thoughts that would get him put on an FBI watchlist, things that would alienate most of the people in his life if they knew.

Billy grew up developing the same urges with him. They've been escalating together for years, and if Billy wasn't around Stu likely would have been doing it on his own. If he did have someone else I think that relationship would be a lot more like the 'peer-pressure' relationship that some people think he and Billy had. It would have been someone Stu manipulated into killing with him, because Stu fundamentally doesn't want to be alone.

At the end of the day, the events of Debaser are a learning experience for Stu. No, he doesn't value Tatum the way he does Billy, he wasn't romantically attracted to her, but a non-Billy friendship is something that did bring value to his life.

In a cynical way I think women in his life have been willing to do emotional labor that men haven't because yk, toxic masculinity and gender roles. As a result I think he really does like having a close friendship with women like Tatum and Tammy, and he doesn't need the sexual aspect he had with Tatum for it to be worthwhile for him. While he would trade that friendship for Billy, he would much rather be allowed to have both.

Im also sorry for rambling 😭 but there you go

[demonoftheseas]

hello!! i am asking you about ponies!! what ponies do you like??? why do you like them??? what do *those ponies* like??? do they have friends?? do you like their friends??? i am insanely curious about this!!!/gen!! -🪷

AUTISM BEAST ACTIVATED OK !!!!!!!!!!!! A!! TAKING THIS CHANCE TO GO AHEAD AND TALK ABOUT MY FAVORITE MLP FAVORITES!!!! (because unfortunately i cannot go 5000 feet in depth about all of them.. im so sorry asker..) apart from twiggy... because i already made an entire long ass post about her... SO. enjoy my little ramble about my favs and why i like them and extra little tidbits!!!

SO SO SO. I'd say my favorite ponies in mlp are.... Twilight Sparkle, Apple Bloom, Tree Hugger, Minuette, Celestia, and Minty!! <3 (its taking everything in my power not to add non-pony characters because i am a HUGEEE Queen Chrysalis fan and Autumn Blaze lover....) APPLEBLOOM!!! Applejack's little sister!!! I dont have much to say abt Applebloom and why I like her other than shes just? Overall??? Fucking cool and sweet and an episode with her in it makes me go hehe and kick my legs because shes so CUTE ! WHAT!! literally so tiny. her and the CMC are everything to me but she's my favorite out of them !!!! The early seasons always have had this charm to me and this nostalgic feel, and since she was literally in the first episode I've nowadays grown to have that same nostalgic love for Applebloom. Like shes the guitar of a family member or somet hing. Something about her growing development throughout the show has me hooked, from just a small scene in episode 1 to what she is NOW?? CRAZY!!! Also her interest in potions and friendship with Zecora is so cool. i KNOWWWW i am not the only motherfucker who thinks about it constantly and what we couldve had if we saw more Zecora and Applebloom interactions. On the topic of the members of the CMC. they are so iconic. SO FUCKING ICONICCC. i really love how they all just work together as this excited little clubhouse trio whos so determined to find out what theyre meant to be and its . H. guys im gonna EXPLODE :( I LOVE THEM. When i was younger i wasnt a CMC fan actually? Not too much of a fan of them, they were like background ponies to younger me.... What a fool... (Additionally there was this one fan-made CMC centric game i used to play when I was young, ive rambled about it in disc to my friends before because i CANT find it for the life of me...) Not much about WHY Tree Hugger is my favorite because . She just is. She is one of my favorites. That's all. Her tone is immaculate. MINUETTE. Ok so this one? Was SUCH a background 6 lover. Ditzy Doo and Doctor Whooves and DJ Pon3 and AAUGHHHH... ALL OF THEMMM. Especially Minuette. real fans remember when she was called Colgate.... god.... (brushie brushieee) I think an old fan video with her in it was the start of me liking Minuette. AS WELL AS HER APPEARANCE IN THE MINTY FRESH ADVENTURE MLP FANGAME!!! My love was definitely sparked by the fanbase more than the actual show. definitely cuz she was just a background pony. ANYWAYS. Her appearance in the Twilight Sparkle and Moon Dancer episode solidified her place in my favorites. Minuette is so CUTE. she is so FUN. and so SILLY???? her personality both fan made and show is so endearing and her design is just nice in general. i love her. i love her and she's my baby. I also love her appearance in the first mlp episode as well and how she was brought back into that episode with so many SPEAKING LINESS... what a win for minuette lovers. Theres just this certain charm to background ponies given slightly bigger roles or solidified places in the show that makes me latch onto them even more. Idk... I love Minuette. MINTY MINTYYYY. FROM G3. I also grew up with mlp G3 and let me tell you Minty is my GIRLLLLLL. (Apart froom Pinkie Pie and Rarity in mlp G3. I'd also put her on the list but i genuinely cannot add 5000 ponies onto this list guys i CANT talk that long. as much as id LOVE to.) honestly the fact shes one of my favorites is also mainly nostalgia based? I watched a christmas special with her in it I believe and she has not left my mind since. Nor has her appearance in the MLP Minty Fresh Adventure Fangame. Neither has unlatched themselves from my soul and it'll stay that way for the rest of time......

[polycharismas]

my monthly alien stage rewatch findings. or rambles. Yeah rambles. i didnt say anything about Black Sorrow or Cure because those are like the most analyzed videos of all time and im tired Sigh

My Clematis: It still amazes me how much of an effect this one still has on me after all the time that has passed and after all the things that have happened in Alien Stage by now. It truly represents every single thing that makes Alien Stage such a special story. I think watching it again after all that went on in the story just elevates it so much more. This time around what did it for me was the monologue because you can easily apply it to every other character in this and it just Fits so well. Because truly what else do these children have aside from one another? Who else are they supposed to believe in? Where else are they supposed to find a God that can keep them moving forward in a world as cruel as this? All of them have someone, the nature of their admiration and the way they express it varies so much between all of them, but it still follows the same principle after all. The whole mv just put it in such a beautiful way it honestly holds up as its own story but knowing there was way more to these two girls and this whole world makes it so much better. I love yuri

ALIEN STAGE: UUugggGGahsgagahHahwnajwjdj Sorry. Okay. This is like the actual real trailer for this thang and its also so perfect. It foreshadows everyone's role surprisingly well. I think the fact Sua is the one singing also makes it better somehow because it just makes sense. She's the one that indirectly triggered a lot of what happens in Alien Stage in the first place she's the most important for our protagonist she's related with the rest of the cast in many different ways and to this day we still know next to nothing about her and yet she's the one singing the song that can be considered a true introduction to this whole world and that's Fascinating to me. I just feel nostalgic about this one also even if it really hasn't been that long since it was released. General banger and also it looks pretty as hell it makes me ill. Waugh

Unknown (Till the end...): OKAY I REALIZED THIS WAS PROBABLY THE ONE WHERE MY OPINIONS WOULD CHANGE THE MOST i have recently taken quite a liking to thinking about Till since a Twitter thread changed my whole perception about him and Oh Boy Did It All Change. It kind of really fucks me up. Till's relationship with Mizi i mean. It's stated he's one of the most brilliant in Anakt Garden. Not only is he skilled at both singing and playing an instrument he's also a pretty damn good composer. It's really something when you realize Mizi was the one who gave him both the determination and the inspiration to achieve all of this. The song he performed was the fastest selling album and he made it to Top 2 despite the fact the aliens are just not fond of him at all to put lightly. And he only achieved all of this because Mizi decided to show him a kindness she has always been familiar with but also a kindness he never experienced once in his life. Till has suffered a lot. Struggling to find an alien that would actually want to adopt him, being experimented on by the aliens and probably way Wayyyyy more, but it only took a single person to show him kindness for him to be able to keep on living. The nature of his feelings can be easily interpreted as romantic but it honestly resembles more that of a painter and his muse to me. So how do you think he felt when he saw his muse experience for the very first time the unkind world they lived in? He couldn't even glance at her during his performance because seeing his idol in such a state was painful. That still didn't stop him from wanting to speak his heart out through a song specifically made for her to hear. I sure hope nothing bad happens to this determined and energetic little guy!

Ruler of My Heart: Hi. This time around i thought really hard about how naturally Luka could hit all of Mizi's weak points through his performance. It's like a skill he learned throughout the years which is a really disturbing idea for me because we all know the state of his mind but what else could this be than giving the aliens exactly what they want from hosting this competition through all these years? Luka's parallels with Hyuna in the way they went about their roles in this world always fascinated me greatly because on one hand we have a total rebel who didn't hesitate to escape and do what She thinks is correct and on the other we have the Perfect contestant for Alien Stage. A title that sounds prestigious but can be also terrifying if we look at it from a human perspective. Someone so capable of twisting people's minds for the sake of entertainment and someone just detached enough to not hesitate at the truly awful implications of being a part of this competition and still participate with everything he's got. We don't know what exactly is the reason he did all of this and we also don't know much about. Anything that goes through his mind. So what the hell am i even talking about honestly. I want him so badly its painful i can fix him❤️

TOP 3: guys Guys Guys Guys Guys Guys Guys. Here it is. Famously known video i never shut the fuck up about. I think dropping this not before Alien Stage started but in the middle of it was genius because now we know exactly what the nature of this world truly is. I will never shut the fuck up about how absolutely amazing this video specifically is. The shift between the perspective of Alien Stage the aliens have to the perspective the humans themselves have is so fucking well done it makes me insane everytime. What could Alien Stage be to beings incapable of feelings? Just the perfect source of entertainment and money they could ask for. Its nothing more than that. But to the humans themselves its absolutely everything. Where they could win everything or lose it all. In this world humans have no other option than to trust their abilities to have even the slightest chance of being given the right to live freely. Where the cost of losing is your life. But also where the cost of winning is your own humanity. This video represents all of that in such a perfect way and it makes me ill in the head. GHhagzgHagGagagagav im normal

MIZISUA: Having a dedicated video for the most important relationship in the whole series is actually such a brain move. You can always feel the love these two have for each other every time they are together but the way you can feel it here just hits. Not a single word is spoken and yet you can feel everything they felt for each other in just that peaceful moment they shared when they were being sent to Anakt Garden. And the way you can also feel the pain Sua's absence has on Mizi in the span of so little time. You can feel absolutely everything with just that final scene alone. You can also see how opposite they were to each other and yet how well they fit together despite that. Seeing Sua like this makes me feel ill because i know already how much Mizi's everything changed her completely. To be loved is to be changed indeed. This video says everything you need to know about their feelings for each other and im DIGGING IT man. I miss them so much it hurts

All-in: HEH. HEY. HI HYUNA. This is like the perfect way to introduce her. We already know Hyuna somehow managed to break into the competition itself to save Mizi and this video just enhances more the way we see her by showing us how strong she is both as leader of the resistance and as a person. Hyuna is by far the most mature of the cast and this video shows it in such a perfect way. Someone like her is exactly what Mizi needed to finally break away from the pain Alien Stage caused her and to search for a path of her own in the freedom she now has. I love how easy going and fun the whole song feels because its no longer a performance for the aliens its a performance for the humans. Its no longer a song trapped beneath all that surrounds Alien Stage. Its a song made for the people that are free from the aliens that's meant to inspire them to keep moving forward and to not stop fighting for the future where the humans hold freedom. All of this also makes the fact that Luka is such a huge trigger for her elevate both of their characters greatly and also just make the whole conflict between them more interesting. What exactly was it that made Hyuna despise this man to the point thinking about him makes her sick? What exactly goes through Luka's mind when it comes to Hyuna specifically? They make me insane in the head i think the day we get more Hyuluka lore is the day i officially pass away forever. Godbless

[volivolition]

god okay so what's funny abt that epitaph post is we were gonna recommend that song to you nextFJDJSKFKD it's No One Is Ever Going To Want Me by Giles Corey! Very .... Depression core fhdjsjdjd but we Love the part halfway through where it like Explodes into sound. The first half of the song is Super Quiet but when the lead singer screams "one, two, fuck you" around the end it just. gets VERY VERY VERY FUCKING LOUD FIRST OFF but it REALLY picks up too!! It becomes very,,, powerful I suppose is the right word to describe it?

This song actually means a lot to us, especially to Memento and Mori! It's absolutely super depressing sure but it's one of Those Songs™ that also helped us cope with the worst of our depression as a teen. Now it's got a sort of bittersweet nostalgic feel to it, like SURE it may hold negative memories but it's also helped us get through the worst of some shit and. Idek. I'm rambling JGJDKSFKFK

The ending lyrics, "I wanna feel like I feel when I'm asleep" mean the world to us. It's sung SO powerfully and cathartically. As a teen we really did, we wanted to feel like... Nothing. Or we wanted to feel the happiness we felt in dreams outside of just dreaming. And now it's like... Looking back we DO feel that nowadays, outside of sleep! it's. again! weird nostalgic shit ig! HFJDJSX

tl;dr the song is depressing as shit, fair warning, but it holds a lotta memories for us and if I could talk to teen us I wish I could tell it that things Do Get Better and that it'll Indeed Someday Feel Truly Happy. anyways nowadays we interpret that last lyric as "i wanna feel fucking well rested for ONCE man PLEASE I'm SLEEPY" SJAKSJDFJDJ

sorry for the essay but you have unlocked Best Friend status™ and now we're gonna send u Songs That Have A Lot Of Personal Meaning To Us. Because we trust u. <2

-Dark

hello!! sorry this took a bit, wanted to wait for when i had energy to fully process the song and your message because its important to yall and i wanted to dedicate the appropriate time to it <33

No One Is Ever Going to Want Me <33 i love how contemplative and hushed the first part is, i'm reading the lyrics along with it as it goes and it's true, it's very sad, but i totally get how it would have been meaningful as someone with depression <33 the layering of voices and the softly lilting guitar melody just before the scream are very pretty too :']

i was prepared for when the song would pick up at the end, i just hgkjh i like, smiled to myself as the "ONE, TWO, FUCK YOU" was sung, i was ready and waiting for it and was just fully delighted when it happened hkjgh and the melody RAMPING UP and the stamping drum beat instantly joining, OUGH!! CRIES?? HKJGH i get what yall mean by powerful and cathartic, it is it is!! love that love that so much, this song is so lovely :'] Memento and Mori song!! <22

NO YEAH i understand!! i liked such sad songs when i was depressed as a teen and listening back to them now is just like,, wow... thank you for helping me survive. thank you for getting me through that. @ teen us, we're going to get better. it's gonna be okay, i promise we'll get there :'] <33

this would be a really good epitaph actually <33 im happy to hear this song helped yall in some way, that it means a lot to yall. im happy yall get to feel joy outside of dreams too, you all deserve to be happy, truly happy <22 im happy yall are here, and im happy we're best friends :'] <33333 <22222

and also YES WE ARE SO FUCKING EEPY PLEASE LET US FEEL WELL RESTED HKJHG </3 thank you for the song dark!! <2

[snellyfish]

(duck) THOUGHTS!! THOUGHTS ON EPISODE 10-11!! NOW!! I AM SHAKING YOU VIOLENTLY PLEASE TELL ME

OHOGHGOH MY GOSH OK OK OK you know how funny it was for like 2 days straight after we FINALLY caught up i just kept saying "i have to go write out my thoughts on drdt and feed my anons (mostly with you in mind)" every few hours with nothing but "i thought you already did that??" in response, cue me being like "no but like for real this time"

I also give my best wishes to the creator of DRDT, you've given us such a fun story with fun characters and I hope you the best on recovering, resting, and focusing on yourself. If we never get another episode that is a-ok, I'll be very sad but only because I truly appreciate the art and writing for a wonderful story that you've given to us all for FREE. Thank you for that<3 For clarity and reference, this whole ramble is written with the intention/presumption that we will get more chapters, though I'm not getting my hopes up

!!!!! DRDT EPISODE 10 AND 11 SPOILERS BELOW !!!!!

Also just an insane wall of text in general, jfc, you have been warned

Ok so first of all, I'll say what everyone's really here for:

Sorry, I personally fucking LOVED the twist, no significant complaints with it; it's a character trope I ADORE and more than I ever could've asked for to come from such a blorbo as David

Sorry, yes, I am also unfortunately down bad for him, HOWEVER-

Extremely happy that David wasn't the killer because we get to see more of this little freak in action in the next chapter, I can't even tell you how excited I am for his character omgomgomgomg I love horrible fucked up manipulative freaks so much. I also don't blame anyone for not enjoying his character anymore (especially if you liked the trope of his preconceived notion of a character) but like, me personally I can appreciate any character no matter the morals (the less the better imo) as long as they're written in an interesting and compelling way.

The way David is so horrendously straight-forward about everyone else just being a funny little pawn to him with absolutely no remorse (genuinely hope he never gains any empathy or I'll be a little upset ngl (well…depends on how it's done I GUESS!!)) makes his seemingly multi-layered character into….. something one-dimensional (/pos /GEN!!! one-dimensional is NOT a bad thing if it's a cool dimension that causes fun character conflicts) but the WAY they introduce this static ruthlessness to him is just;;;; CHEFS KISS. He's still a layered character, sure, two-faced freak running the long con, but his true self is just so reprehensibly remorseless it's hard to see ANYTHING under it

We were also both dying of laughter in the first episode how David had a really long horribly winded speech about fucking,,,,,,God knows what,,,, And no one acknowledged it and me n my bestie were just fucking whale eyeing each other like "SO IS NO ONE GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT? WE'RE JUST GONNA STEAMROLL RIGHT OVER HIS MINI PSYCHOTIC BREAK? OK" Not to be salty but GUYS.. Anyone who genuinely believed David was a good person and were shocked with the twist I…I'm sorry …… I'm sorry that we did not watch the same character introduction …. I've been on team two-faced David from the start that's my manipulate mansplain manwhore right there, babe! If you don't love him at his X you don't deserve him at his Y

Erm erm erm also thought it was hilarious when David was droning on after his big real reveal because, even though I was having a great time with it, I was also just repeatedly muttering "the fish…..?" looking around like the john travolta gif "the fish? the fish? guys, the fish? can we talk about the fish? im dying to talk about the fish" AHGHGAGAHA AND JUST GETTING SO FRUSTRATED WHEN EVERYONE FINALLY BROUGHT UP THE FISH AND WERE LIKE "OH EM GEE THE LIAR IS LYING ABOUT KILLING AREI??? DAS SO CRWAZY" Old school Danganronpa feeling of screaming at the characters denseness, so nostalgic, I DID ENJOY IT, IT WAS FUNNY, I HAD A GOOD TIME HAHA I loooove characters who lie for no good reason only to benefit themselves and have a good time while others suffer (Kokichi doesn't count + I don't like him (also stop comparing David to Kokichi you guys are insane and don't understand character nuance SOWWY))

My apologies I'm still like keeling off [MULTIPLE SUBSTANCES OF VARYING LEGALITY] so DON'T tell me if this is incomprehensible or not because I'm speaking straight from the heart and the heart says I won't him. This reminds me that for the entire time he was having his MAIN psychotic break (especially in the animation) my best friend wouldn't stop fucking muttering in distress "I WANT HIM I WANT HIM I WANT HIM" I had to tell him to shut the fuck up even though I was also internally very much not normal. We should both be shot.

Still think David and Hu should kiss. I think now more than ever they should kiss. Maybe make out.

Actually do you know how many times I said "Shut up, Hu." during these two episodes?? It was at least 5 I was getting SO mad at her for like no good reason, I don't even remember WHY exactly but I think her mom friend energy was getting TOO motherly and I'm no longer appreciating the particular WAY she mothers people, i.e. picking favorites + taking accountability for said favorites + defending them blindly and naively but in weirdly elitist way etc etc etc.. Very typical of Snellyfish to ship toxic men with female characters they don't like. Maybe I should look into my soul for this one, doesn't seem like,,,healthy, or something. I'll write my own callout post for me on that one dw.

Also I'm not necessarily saying Hu has bad writing or a wholly unlikeable personality at all btw, I am interested to know Why she's like that, I just gotta get over the hill of disliking her rn. Uber sweetie characters like that can just get on my nerves is all. She's also definitely got the secret motive for having multiple Attempts, huh? Give us your backstory queen,,,, I promise to like you a little more if you can bring a lil tear or two to my eye,,,,,,, I think my main thing with her is that she's like the most NORMAL of the group LMFAO

Either way, Huvid real. Sorry, but it shouldn't be surprising, I'm a Verturo shipper after all, it's in my natur-

SPEAKING OF VERTUROOOOOHHHH MY GGOOODDDDD I ATE SOOO DAMN GOOD. NO CRUMBS LEFT, I WAS GOING CRAZY. GOOD GOD CHRIST ALMIGHTY. The way that Veronika was the ONLY mf defending Arturo and he was like "girl you're making me look BAD" was so fucking funny, I am so horribly obsessed with their dynamic it's unreal

Not to "omg as a veronika kinnie-" for the millionth time but GIRL-- the way that I've said in the past Multiple Times that I hope both Arturo and David get worse and worse in an irredeemable way (mostly David, I kiiiinda want some nice Arturo content maybe one day 😳), and to have Veronika in like the same episode (I think) pivot back and forth towards both Arturo AND David in a "ohhh you're horribly fucked up I hope you never get better because I want in your brain NOW!!! let me IN!!!!!! THE TOXIC FUMES ARE CALLING TO ME LIKE A SWEET SWEET SIREN!!!!!!!" I think all three of them should also hold hands and kiss and--

OH. OH OHH. ARTURORRROOOO God as a general fuckin stan of all three Arturo + Veronika + David I ATE SO DAMN GOOD IT'S BEEN CRAZY TO CONTAIN MY THOUGHTS LMAO, had to stew on this one before writing it all out y'see. I definitely want to rewatch this chapter sometime because I know I've consumed it pretty mindlessly and a lot goes over my head. EITHER WAY.

Arturo backstory real??? Arturo's breakdown about his sister and how it's not his fault?? Not your fault in what way? Blushes and bats my eyelashes and holds your latex glove hand. plink plink. <-- sound of me batting my eyelashe.s. I was also incredibly normal when he straight up pulled a scalpel on Eden Kai Satou style, really really sane I didn't make monkey sounds or ANything like that, you guys. trust me.

In general I try not to give too hard of a time on DRDT's writing because it's like,, a passion project, obviously not professionally done, just a happy little writer writing their happy little characters AND I APPRECIATE AND RELATE TO YALL SO MUCH FOR THAT;; But I do have to finally properly mention how I frequently face the problem of a very consistent flow of characters being very straightforward, telling instead of showing, and making things just very awkward seeming? I bring this up mostly because of the Eden/Arei scene. Don't get me wrong I LOVE that dynamic and I LOVE what could've been between them in their friendship (🌈?) but I also wish that they didn't write Arei to so boldly claim like "I've been a manipulative bitch" or something like that, I guess I just don't feel that it's the kind of thing someone (especially like her, even with her breakdown-breakthru with David) would be able to articulate so clearly, and accept so honestly in such a short timeframe; I dunno. I've felt this way with a lot of dialogue even just in the prologue/introductions sections, wherein characters speak like they're Just Characters and know exactly how to word things like robots and just don't speak like Real people half the time. Whateva. That's my nitpick. I definitely think the dialogue has gotten better but the Arei thing ticked me off, but, I think her self-awareness might just be a crucial part of her character I'm not picking up on enough so,,,,augh, might just be me, honestly! I'm not the greatest writer myself so 🙏 feh!

Can't wait to figure out if I ship Arturo and J or not. Feel insane about it. Every time they talk I'm like DO I??? DO I SHIP IT??????? LOOKS AROUND AT THE AUDIENCE

GUYS I'LL BE REAL I'M STILL SO LOST ON WHO THE FUCKING KILLER IS LMAO!!!!!!! Entirely forgetting everyone's alibis right now so I can't really say who I'm leaning towards because they could be completely safe and I'm just dense and didn't pay enough attention. My b.

Even though Ace is one of my top fav characters I can feel myself getting steadily less and less interested in him just because all of his energy is going into the stupid Nico/Levi situation and I'm like SO sick of it Actual. I know it's mostly because I don't personally like Nico or Levi AND because this shit keeps getting brought up with no resolution nor any progress and it's like BRO.. I'M SICK OF IT. The amount of times they would bicker and I'd say "I'm sick of this drama." and then strategically zone out in self-defense was kind of funny. ACE DEFINITELY HAD SOME REALLY GOOD PARTS IN THESE EPISODES OUTSIDE OF THAT THOUGH GHGHHG HE KEEPS ME HOOKED, THAT DAMNED SMILE, as a chihuahua lover myself I can never stray too far from Ace's light, he's so fucking funny and I love his dynamic with David-- oh no, I love his dynamic with David........... Looks at my palms.

As always: Charles<3 I have such a funny relationship with him because it's like, he's not one of my top favs by any means, doesn't stand out the most for my particular taste, but I also have literally no reason to dislike him and he's just written GOOD, so whenever he shows up and has a nice scene or a nice line I just go "ah,,,,,,, charles<3" Not a single negative thought about him. He's like a sister to me. This isn't true I have many negative thoughts about my sister but you know!

I THINK THAT'S IT. THERE YOU GO. FEAST, MY ANONS, ASSUMING ANYONE HAS THE WILL TO READ THIS IN IT'S ENTIRETY HAHAHAHA. Time to go watch Demon Slayer Season 3!!!!!!

[philsmeatylegss]

aaa sorry hopefully you're okay with people responding to your rambles (your most recent one that talks about suicide). just wanted to say i'm very very proud of you for healing and i can relate to your post.

hopefully you are okay with me sharing this story but im a young phannie, im 15, and i found them when i was 11 which was a few months before quarantine hit. extremely long story short, for me 11-13 years old were the scariest years of my life and i don't think anything will ever come close to that again (thank god). that's when i used to rely heavily on dan and phil videos (mostly phil). like i just have so many memories of like i don't know, being on a road trip with my family and being completely out of my mind but i would turn on an amazingphil video or a song that amazingphil mentioned and desperately try to immerse myself into that rather than my thoughts. now that i'm 15 (which is like. unbelievable honestly) i see their content on my feed but i rarely ever engage anymore, and when i do it feels like making my inner child happy. it's weird to think that something i held very close to me and that kept me above water for so long belongs in the past now along with really deep trauma. even if i ever get back into binging phil's videos (i probably will because man he is so nostalgic to watch and i just love him) i'm sure i will never engage with them the way i used to, because i'm simply not the same person. it's sad and also really euphoric and healing at the same time to watch yourself let go. anyways that's my 3am rant lol (i have yet to lose younger me's sleep schedule) thank you for listening and please have a wonderful day/night ❤️

I literally relate so hard to this and it’s really comforting to hear similar stories to mine. I fucking hate when people dismiss mental illness if the person is <14. Ages 12-14 were truly the most terrifying years of my life where I truly believed I would not be able to keep living. I’m very thankful I was surrounded by people who took it seriously so I was able to get help early on. But it’s so important to recognize the little things that also got us through. I know there’s a lot of people who roll their eyes when you say this musician or content creator or actor or whatever saved my life and that’s because people take it too literal. I do credit dan and phil and twenty one pilots with saving my life. Obviously, it wasn’t just that. It was years of therapy and medication and healing, but their content, what they brought into my life, was something I needed to hold on to. It gave me motivation. It was a distraction from pain that wasn’t harmful to myself. I connected with people who I truly felt understood me. And that’s something I needed during that period of my life. Now that I’m older and developed a personality and I’m so far from where I was, I don’t need to be obsessive because I don’t need a constant healthy distraction to get me through life. I can just be a regular fan. And still enjoy that little rush of joy I get when they upload. It’s such a unique experience that, though I am so sad people can relate to, is so important and interesting to discuss. I often joke about being suicidal and really mentally ill at a really young age and I know a lot of others do too. And that’s okay, but it truly is important to congratulate yourself for still sticking around. Even if you are still depressed or unhealthy. And it’s okay to have motivations like being a fan to keep you happy and to keep you going. It’s also okay if you’re getting older and you want to let go a little bit. You don’t have to completely abandon it. I know I’m so fucking far from abandoning dnp and 21p. But it’s okay to not be as obsessive as you were. It’s a sign you’ve grown up. You’ve healed. I appreciate so much what dnp and 21p did for me and I still remain a loyal fan, but it’s okay for me to let go because I can live without needing them. Being suicidal at such a young age is a very specific, tragic experience that you can only understand if you went through it. That’s why it’s hard to discuss topics like this without sounding batshit crazy. But I’m glad some of us are here talking about it.

[foxcoin]

hiii IM STILL ALIVE WE'RE JUST PROLONGING MY SOCIAL MEDIA BREAK bc weve been doing better, weve been staying with our bf thank god away from all the bullshit thats been going on with our family

i honestly dont feel too tempted to come on here which is nice, ive been slowly healing. i see small improvements that make me a little proud of myself

oh and bday soon!! <:3 and ive been drawing again i drew an oc ref andnim working on a gift ref for one of my bfs ocs. Oh and neocities me and lukas have been coding together and its been really fuxkign fun. and playing games again

i really wanna see social media as a fun of thing again which is why i dont think ill return here besides infrequent updates until it seems enjoyable again, twitter feels more comfy atm

i made really good ramen the other day with garlic butter paprika cinnamon&sugar and hot sesame oil!! then i put in a little of the pacjet and it made it so satisfying :D it wasnt spicy either it was really hearty and comforting

ive also been trying to read again even if its nostalgic books i find pdfs of and its been really nice

idk why im rambling so much i didnt sleep last night bc of my new meds but since my posts are so infrequent i felt like i should give a proper update, just so i feel satisfied not coming on if nothing else

we took a break bc we were paranoid and nitpicky of ourselves, nothing really happened i just got tired of feeling that way so we made the step

i hope this is the proper amount of Not oversharing while still being a nice cohesive update

i want to say sorry too for all of the vents before i took a break, i was going through it and venting was ultimately Not good for me! ik a lot of people vent but its still something we were personally unhappy with

tldr im doing my best and im determined to keep getting better idc how cheesy that sounds im embracing my corny side because fuck being nihilistic!

stay safe be kind and patient with yourselves and dont isolate, i hope everyone is well and taking care

me and my bflive laugh love

[sukirichi]

I feel dizzy man... I felt like i was floating while reading the whole part with tooru

Bitch is falling in love but at same time he refuses to steal someone elses wife and knowing how he was chained down to maiko bruh it makes me hate her ngl 🤣🤣🤣🤣

But yeah the whole part with tooru was painful but at same time light hearted? Like it brought some comfort kind of feel you know? Like y/n needed that

Also their chemistry 👌and when he said 'if you were mine i would never hurt you' TOORU TAKE ME PLS FUCK RINTARO FUCK IRIS FUCK MAIKO LETS RUN AWAY TOGETHER

Also the fact he needs to fucking fight for his place in the table and that not even his clan accepts him..... Man my heart hurts for him...

And then the whole part with rin started and from then on i went from floating to never ending falling.. The more i read the more i expected to hit the ground at some point but the feeling kept going and going

I hate how he just straight how said he would be lost without her how he looked so lovesick while talking about her how he lied the whole time.. At least tooru never lied about his marriage about how he absolutely hated it.. And rin just fucking- and he even had the audacity to say 'im yours' no rin... Youre not in paper yeah but not in heart

And it fucks me up how he acts and sounds so conflicted all the time like he is actually confused by his feelings and yet still says with all certainty he loves her

I guess the crashing feel was when he was on the other side drowning in guilt while y/n decided to sleep in the couch and basically not want to pretend anymore but i guess tooru helped not feeling the crash as much

The whole chapter was very well written as well i hate the fact i can never put it in words what i feel while reading it cause anything i write feels weak comparing to what im feeling

Sorry 😭😭😭 i try

Thank you for another chapter hdhdgdh and ugh i hate how the clown in me now wants to run away with tooru but still wants for rin to end up noticing y/n you know? Now that shes ignoring him, maybe realize that his guilt is not just guilt man i just i wish for him to grow feels or realize he has feels for y/n in a way

Ayo i didnt leave a long ass rant like this in a while feels nostalgic hdhdhsh

my best friend, the fellow oikawa fucker, LETS GO.

lmaooo so true, he’s crushing on yn so hard but he’s like “nope, i’m married! i can’t be with someone else that isn’t my wife because that’s wrong! i hate my wife tho.” but like honestly, i love how tooru is firm with his beliefs. he’s not like suna that always gets confused with his guilt for using yn and succumbing to iris again. tooru isn’t like that. sure, he likes us, but he knows he should never seduce someone else’s spouse that he just keeps a safe distance and makes things as platonic and casual if possible. notice how the moment he starts getting romantic thoughts about yn, he scolds himself to stop thinking about it. rintaro would neverrrr. 

‘if you were mine, i’d never hurt you.’ SIR, I WISH I WAS YOURS. TAKE ME RN. PLEASE. MARRY ME. LET’S LIVE IN THE COUNTRYSIDE AND BE HAPPY. FORGET ABOUT YOUR CLAN AND YOUR ROYAL TITLES sobs 

‘ it fucks me up how he acts and sounds so conflicted all the time like he is actually confused by his feelings and yet still says with all certainty he loves her ‘ see, the thing about rin’s dilemma is that he actually sees our worth, but that’s all. he just sees it. he doesn’t do much about it. he’s conflicted because he knows losing us would also be a great loss, but he just needs to choose - lose iris or lose us? both mess with him. he wants to keep both even if that’s not gonna happen. he’s stuck between this fantasy with iris that they’re going to be happily together and the reality that we are there, we’re married, and it’s hopeless.

and aw yeah, i missed your long asks to me! i always spent minutes just rambling with you too GHJKAA and thank you always for supporting me, i love you!

[tumblunni]

...i have never been less hype and i hate it

i feel really guilty for not being happy when i mean these games are very pretty and all but all of it just seems to not be grabbing my happy when i got myself SO HYPED for the unlikelihood of something better

like man COME ON

come on man

TWELVE YEARS

almost 13!

sinnoh was fuckin due for a remake back when sun and moon got announced

ive been getting hype and dissappointed at every single goddamn announcement nintendo’s ever made for the last 4 years or so and it never happens and yet they keep teasing it why are there so many official tweets teasing sinnoh if its not fuckin happening im starting to lose hope that it will happen EVER

twelve. fucking. years.

like man we’re almost due for a goddamn unova remake by now!

like man fucking kanto got TWO REMAKES already

like man SINNOH IS THE REGION THAT MOST ACTUALLY NEEDS A REMAKE

its not just im nostalgic its that i want desperately for the generation i love to get any goddamn recognition at all. fuckin gold and silver were already beloved as the best generation even before their remake. ruby and sapphire got some unfair hate for the no transfer between games thing but that died immediately after the first remake happened. neither of them were in this unique situation where they were fuckin DEAD ON ARRIVAL and waiting TWELVE YEARS for resuscitation!

sinnoh failed ENTIRELY not on its lack of appeal as a generation but because of goddamn CONSOLE LIMITATIONS

it was slow, it was buggy, it had buddy green brown palettes, the wifi didnt work. all problems with it being an experimental first ds game by the company. it was fuckin HATED as the WORST GENERATION for so many years and it wasnt its goddamn fault and like seriously its only even become TOLERATED again because of this ‘sinnoh confirmed’ meme that NINTENDO FUCKIN REFERENCES AS IF THEYRE GONNA ACTUALLY DO IT ANY TIME IN THE NEXT DAMN DECADE

fuck i was more hyped for lets go than i am for this. like a second kanto remake was the thing i hated the most but at least it seemed original enough with the goofy new minigame for catching and loads of nice reveals like the return of following pokemon and stuff. this trailer didnt really say anything except hey its a new region hey the starters look generic as fuck. nothing to mitigate the dissappointment

and i feel AWFUL cos i know rationally that this is a great pretty game and nothing about it is actually bad yet and my only complaint is that i only like one out of three starters when i felt the same way about sinnoh itself. its just that feeling ‘meh its probably okay’ isnt what i hoped for. i hoped even if it wasnt what i wanted itd be something else equally as hype? just ‘meh’ has turned into ‘oh god no’ cos man ive been up for 48 hours getting hype for this shit why the fuck am i unable to not get hype even though i KNOW every goddamn time its a dissappointment and it has been for years and it will continue to be every goddamn time

like the highlight of the video was ‘oh an underground area maybe at least theyll bring back the sinnoh underground minigame in another country’

also.. uhh.. bags? i like the protagonist designs a lot and im happy to have the hiker bags cos srsly if i was in pokemon world i would absolutely want to go 100% ham in all ways possible AS YOU CAN SEE BY HOW I CONSTANTLY GET MYSELF TOO HYPED AND ALWAYS DISSAPPOINT MYSELF

and GOD i know im being predictable and i know that probably when i let the grumpiness wear off and get a few hours of sleep i’ll rewatch this and actually be able to notice all the lil details and get properly hype about things and probably by then we’ll know what country its meant to be based on and more info and stuff. like LOL i almost had a heart attack when there was some generally industrial looking stuff and a big ben esque clock tower like im sorry no i REALLY dont want poke-britain even though im british. its like the most cliche generic idea for a region and following on from a great region that gave representation to a nation historically mistreated by britain and america im kinda like hey can we not. like britain region was everyone’s immediate idea for the next ‘white region’ after unova happened and i was still dissappointed that we got france after that and pleasantly surprised that theyd even THINK of doing a non-white western country like hawaii! and it was really great and had loads of stuff based on hawaiian culture and even taught you some hawaiian words and local foods and stuff!! i dont wanna learn about my own country through the sanitized false ‘child friendly’ idea of us being all knights and stuff AS IF IT WAS A GOOD THING. So yeah im not sure what other european country this might be, the outfits make me say possibly holland? but im just real glad that someone other than britain gets to be ‘sword and shield’ and the only british representation we get is thematic elements being used for the design of team plasma’s uniforms. yes thank you we were fuckin colonialist pigs please never glorify our military ever again in any fiction. please never put a sword anywhere near fiction britain unless youre ready to talk about how many indigenous cultures we slaughtered. SORRY IM KINDA GOING OFF ON ONE!! im not like ‘never put my country in pokemon ever’ but if theres any form of specifically HISTORICAL CONTENT in the pokemon version then HOO BOY it would need to be handled carefully and the name sword and shield does not bode well for that so FUCK YES please be holland, please be the other place that has a lot of picturesque farm scenery and also better hiking and also literally everything. it cant be britain cos if it was britain we’d definately have a fuckin sheep or somethin for a starter. srsly tho i am very confused by the big ben looking place, am i just bad at geography and dont know about a similar clock tower in holland that is also associated with red brick industrial buildings and mines? i hope so! either that or maybe its like a combination region of multiple european countries? but thatd be weird since france got to be its own thing. tho honestly i would like it if britain got COMPLETELY ignored except to be one single town that contains the underground minigame, lol

please be holland i love you holland please save me from my rambling awful post WHY THE FUCK am i getting so bad at recognising geography oh yeh cos i havent slept in ages

i love the big bags and the rabbit starter is something ive wanted since i was a lil kid. those are two positives. holland is a third. and its super pretty. okay. i can see all the positive things individually but still somehow my net reaction is a meh because i got too hyped for the wrong thing and also kinda got jumpscared by almost maybe britain I AM SO GLAD IT IS NOT

theory: pokemon world is so idealized and wonderful and beyond us in technology and equality and etc because britain never existed in this universe.

holland stabbed it with a sword

the end

[ixiomdraws]

I was considering getting a furby sometime soon but I haven’t had one since I was a kid. What’s it like? Are there any bad sides?

whats it  like? depends entirely on the person. some ppl like to take their furby with them everywhere ect, some ppl prefer mostly keeping them on a shelf, id be the latter. i sometimes take one off the shelf and interact with it for a bit, but tbh theyre kinda limited in what they can do, so it can get repetitive and i only do it really if im feeling nostalgic or wanna be distracted. the main fun thing for me about having furbies is customizing them. its a great distraction and makes me feel better to have somethin to work on that i can look at and be like ‘i didnt completely fuck this up’. 

  if u mean whats it like as in the furby like, talkin and shit, theres tons of vids in the furby tag of ppl playing with them, so just go search furby in the video section and u should find plenty of examples(also a ton on youtube and even comparisons of the dif models)are there any bad sides? uhhhhhhh i guess some of what i said could be considered bad, like the repetitive thing. theres not much else i can think of thatd be bad about it, unless you end up thinking theyre creepy. i personally think theyre cute af, but thats me.

 i guess another downside is them not working properly, being a 20? year old toy, but from what i understand, the 1998-2005s are fairly easy to fix. out of the.. idk 20+ furbies of 1998 models i have, i think only a couple dont work, and i havnt yet attempted to fix them, but from what ive seen, it shouldnt be too hard(@ furbytech is a great resource for fixes)

 the 2012/booms and connects? not so much. i gutted a boom recently to see if i could make it work and lemme tell ya, its nothin like a 1998 in there. im pretty sure(and i seen other ppl say its a common issue with booms) that the motor died and would need to be replaced. i have zero idea how much a motor costs or where to find one bcuz at that point i decided it wasnt worth it. another bad thing is finding any resources on how to fix the booms, bcuz i couldnt find much of anything useful.the dif types of furby are the original, 1998-2001(?) (typically only called 1998s though), the 2005, the 2012, furby boom, and furby connect. they all have pros/cons, the 1998s pro is they have a ton of varying colors, the eyechips can be removed and customized, and easy to fix. cons..repetitive? though that can be said for all of them.

the 2005s have voice recognition, they can hear their name(hey furby) and be asked several dif phrases that they can respond to, including ‘tell a knock knock joke’. con is they dont seem to talk or do much otherwise(though that could just be the one i have) i also have a harder time understanding what theyre saying compared to the other models.i cant comment on 2012s as i have none, but the booms pro is the different personalities they have! its cool that they have dif personalities, but the con is they can change, sometimes without reason, to a dif one. another con is their fur patterns make them less customizable, as are their digital eyes. the connects pros: super fucking cute, very interactive, moves a lot, and you can actually pick their furby name with the app and theyll remember it. cons(imo) they make a ton of fart noises and fart jokes. it honestly seems like the only thing they talk about other than yelling about loving cats, but it was marketed at kids so i guess i understand. another con is that, while like all furbys, they can sense sound, they dont seem to know what youre saying(they reply with random and repetitive responses) and there are no phrases they react to(as far as i know), which is odd considering theyre the newest version.  they do however, react and dance to music, so thats pretty cool. 

those are all i can think of pro/con-wise off the top of my head, im sure im leavin out a bunch.also as a tip, for a regular furby from the first generations(id say 1-3 and some of 4), i wouldnt pay over 10$ for it. some of the limited ones are also pretty easy to find, that ive seen, so i wouldnt pay a ton for those either(for example, the graduation furby)  the connect i guess since theyre newer go for about 20 and up, but u can find them for 10-15 too sometimes.  the most expensive(in general) are the 2005s, typically around 40-50 bucks. you can find them cheaper sometimes, but they get bought pretty quick from what ive seen.obvs the more special and higher gen furbies are worth more, but another thing i personally like to keep in mind is: how different is it really? for example, the graduation furby is pretty much just a tuxedo furby from gen 1 with a hat on. ones like the juicy grape are also just tuxedos with the white colored different, and can be easily replicated(though i believe both examples do have a tail instead of a mane like the tux has).sorry for rambling about so much shit, and good luck whatever u decide

[pakchoys]

Hey as the only real fma i know, can you tell me the pros and cons of watching the 2003 anime?? I've just started brotherhood and i really love it!!

aaAAAhh you are in for a RIDE. im super glad you’re watching it because it’s literally the best media I’ve experienced in my LIFE. ever. favourite thing of all time, period. I hope you love it too!

okay. most people will tell you brotherhood is better and I would agree. that’s not to say 2003 doesn’t have its pros!! I watched it before brotherhood when I was ten so in a way it’s actually more nostalgic for me??? i also haven’t actually watched ALL of it since then so this may be a little off, but I think I’ve got this……….

PROS:- 2003 goes into a lot more depth about the backstory and the start of the series in general. you get a lot more knowledge and build up before the human transmutation—all narrated by al, super effective because of his childish voice—so imo it’s all more emotionally impactful. you also get a lot more time to know the side characters (in 03, the elrics stay with the tuckers for MONTHS before they’ve even taken the state alchemist exam) so when tragic stuff inevitably happens, it’s so….. freakin……. sad………

- the story is different. it was made while the manga was still updating, so they plotted an entirely different story rather than putting the show on hiatus. it’s kinda different from the start, but by ep 20 it’s completely branched. a pro because this means you get to watch two whole fma stories!

- it’s really goddamn emotional. this is where I get a bit fuzzy in my 03 knowledge (it’s been a while, okay?) but from what I remember…… 03 had took no prisoners when it wanted you to feel something. imo, it went a little overboard with how tragic it was trying to go, but it’s all a matter of taste.

- the villains had a lot more depth and exploration. not gonna go much further for fear of spoilers, but keep that in mind if you like good villains.

- it’s got a movie. you can’t finish 03 without watching conqueror of shamballa. you literally cant—it wraps up the ending to the whole series. I haven’t watched it in five years, but the animation is fucking stunning and I seem to remember enjoying it. so. trust my ten year old self?

CONS:

- (opinion) animation and voice acting aren’t as good. I mean, it’s all pretty good considering it was made 6 years prior to fmab, but when comparing them, fmab is a lot easier on the eyes AND faithful to the manga style, and the less saturated colours better fit the series’ tone (if you care about that stuff). many of the voice actors are the same for both series (edward, lust, I think?) but fmab just sounds more natural to me.

- relationships in fmab are better (again, imo). much of fmab is about learning to take strength from others, and those relationships become so important, but in 03, it seemed a lot like edward had little development in that department.

- 2003 is slower paced and has fillers. I mean, this could be a pro if you like that sorta thing. the fillers aren’t awful, but not especially compelling either. by slower paced, I mean that it takes 20 episodes for 2003 to get to where fmab got in 5 episodes. one of my fave things about fmab is how it has, like, a plot twist per episode. they raise a question, and instead of spending ten episodes dragging it out until you don’t care anymore, they answer it satisfyingly.

- the ending could be considered dissatisfying. 2003 has the movie, of course, but even that left me feeling a little empty. fmab has a literal 15 episode climax with an ending I still love so damn much!!!

holy fuck im so sorry I rambled. a ton. this is why no one should ask me my thoughts on 03 vs fmab this ALWAYS happens

in conclusion: 2003 is lacking in story and pacing compared to fmab, but it makes up for it in pure emotion. personally, I struggle to watch 03 after watching brohood because it just seems like such a dip in quality. you may find you disagree though!! I hope your fma journey is a good one

[terraptor]

I want a nintendo switch and the new zelda game and i want to go to our cabin with like a dog to cuddle with and just isolate myself from society for like for a month.

[vivaciousyellow]

y: kitchen and kokoro

dear victoria,

first of all, i’d like to apologise with much much embarrassment for how late this post came in after i’d been the one to insist on deadline like almost a month ago l o l at me

second, i love love love how you described kitchen. it’s exactly how i felt and honestly i’m so weak against the pure sentimentality that the narrator exuded through that exact kind of simple but profound style you described. the book just made me feel really nostalgic - the kind of indulgent, unproductive feeling to which i feel particularly susceptible. i wish i wrote some quotes down but just the way she expressed what home meant to her was so powerful: what she saw in different kitchens, what they told her about the residents of the house, the comfort they gave her... it made me realise more concretely what and how much home means to me.

but also omGGG victoria!!! i’m so sorry you were stuck in the cold ass fucking rain for that - and that we didn’t even make it in to burlesque to maybe take your mind off of it for the rest of night. i’m glad your mom and grandma (fuck drivers) are okay tho. and i hope your uncle is doing okay.

i’ve been trying to improve my relationship with death. i mean i’ve been pretty shielded from it but the threatening blips of its presence which have shown up on my radar and the visceral reaction they elicit suggest that i need to work on it. especially when i find my thoughts trailing over to my parents dying or getting hurt and that’s always Not Fun. especially since i’m supposedly going to Japan for an extended period of time soon. especially because my mom has all these recently accumulating physical problems that have started increasingly encroaching on her quality of life in small but significant ways, and my dad’s always so reckless, his heart is forever 21 but sometimes i feel like his mind turns forever 21 as well, and my sister. oh my sister.  

it’s amazing to me how…aggressively?? nuclear our family is. it's a product of being an immigrant family etc. etc. but as the second generation, i used to always panic that i wasn’t going to cry when second degree relatives die. then i turned 22 and suddenly im crying at most things so guess that’s not so much a concern anymore. wellp.

but yeah it’s funny to reminisce about my ~ younger days ~ when i only ever hung out with my parents and sister. they're still my everything, but definitely learning and practicing to make more meaningful connections with friends since getting into college has also been a lot, a lot of learning how to be with other people, and of learning how to go easier on myself. uhmm like crying: i’ve learned to reframe it as not something to let build up out of anxiety, just to explode out of my control then try to stop out of panic but an opportunity to willfully let feelings go and check in with myself and others. idk. basically forming intimate relationships with people is wild and y’all make me wildly feel. Personal Growth and all that shit. (gotta pat myself on the back whenever i don’t actually act like a 10 year old.)

which, segue into the books, has made reading them such a likewise affective experience. (this might be kind of spoilers?? but the plot is pretty simple, and i wouldn’t be able to spoil, like, tone and style of writing if i tried) Kokoro’s plot is loosely similar to kitchen in that it also follows the protagonist’s relationship with someone who became like family. and similarly, that person reappears in the protagonist’s life through a letter.

letters are so weird. y’know? like a physical manifestation, a snapshot of someone’s emotions in the moment. and even just the act of putting into words, feelings. i wish i studied linguistics in college, is another regret i’ve discovered. But also like once you’ve committed to writing something that’s immediately open to interpretation no matter your intention once it leaves your hand feels like a lot of responsibility - to have chosen the right words out of literal millions to perform for you whatever things you want to convey - and expectation, that the other person will understand correctly and empathize. oh! and most importantly, the hope that they’ll respond. the protagonist says during the middle part of the book that “[t]his was why i wrote letters: i hoped for a response” (88). which is so depressing. when feelings and yearnings aren’t reciprocated. which is what ghosting is i guess. actually just human connection in general. lmao i’m really just tryna get down to the really simple and obvious things in life but bear with this slow-learning bish over here.

chapter 56 particularly struck me. when the sensei frames his past, his experiences, as “personal property” to leave in the care of the protagonist (123). recently, my grandparents came to visit, and my grandma kept emphasizing that she had so many things to say to us. stories and lessons she felt incredibly compelled to pass on as soon as possible, that needed to leave her mouth unto my ears. tbh it felt a little foreboding as the recipient of this kind of energy and anxiety. energetic anxiety ? and my mom’s been talking to me a lot more often about… surviving, I guess is the word - so i don’t take so long to realize these Life Lessons. Because this is the property she’s accrued growing up, immigrating, living; property that her parents didn’t have but she can now pass on to me. i feel like there’s some sort of American Dream, capitalist metaphor/critique that can truly flourish with this idea, but I’ll leave it at this clumsy dip into the figurative waters here.

biggest takeaway of all the things my mom and grandma (and I say this endearingly) nag to me about, is 动手动脑. and, best example is this four weeks late post, but i definitely have performance anxiety and can’t get my authorial penis up when I need to, which is something i need to work on… instead of counting on myself to pull out insightful rambles a la every finals week 24 hours before the final paper is due, i should probably take notes and outline for next time. after all, there are no deadlines to inspire to sit my ass down and fight the figurative pins and needles to write when it comes to telling your own story and just thinking for the sake of thinking… 

but yeah!!! next up is a personal matter, kenzaburo oe.

much love (and chagrin @me),

ying

[scottmcwinchester]

like he was average but now it's a complete turnaround, like he's so gorgeous to me, so fucking gorgeous ohMYGOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME IM SO SORRY FOR RAMBLING (3/3?? I think it's 3 I'm sorry if these messages are mixed up, hopefully they make some sort of sense? I'm a mess)

3/3 Your messages were in order, and they made sense :))

OMG IKER!!!! I only got into Real Madrid in December of 2015, so I missed everything with Iker :((( but a part of me feels so nostalgic for him?? Like I feel that he’s my goalie.. even though I was never a part of that era. Something about him is just so Real Madrid. I follow him on Instagram and he’s so cute, he’s such a DAD. And he always leaves comments under some other player’s photos and I’m always like ‘IKERRRR PLS!’ But I think he is cute too!! He seems like the sweetest. I know what it’s like to know someone for a while and then you start looking at them differently and it’s like ‘where did this come from!?!?’ lol just another celeb to obsess over