#sorry im rambling i have thoughts

[veifei]

body for rent (at the end of the line)

(or a VeiFei ficlet in which Xia Fei agrees, to something. it's all subtext and suggestion, really — read into it however you like)

The underground roars as the train cuts through a long tunnel and engulfs the train carriage in momentary darkness — Vein's stare like a laser piercing Xia Fei's skull, intruding, unyielding; he says something Xia Fei doesn't catch, something swallowed by the screech of the train.

His ears pop from the air pressure. Vein's hand settles on Xia Fei's knee, like it has always belonged there. Still, the carriage shrouded in little light, still, the words caught in his throat — he swallows them with an easy smile. Vein's cool cologne — eucalyptus? — dizzying him as he leans in close, fingers pressing and digging into his jeans. Xia Fei tips his head closer, until Vein's lips ghost the shell of his ear, breath warm, words low:

"I said, just how willing are you, sweetheart?" his voice drips with sweet venom.

"Well... I'll do exactly as you like, Vein." 

At that, he grins, wide enough that the yellow flickering lights catching his too sharp canines. The glint in his eye is animal, Xia Fei knows. But he can't stand to look away. Under Vein's watchful, hungry gaze, he might just shine. Might be seen. 

"A-Xiao was right — you are the perfect little doll."

Out of the dark now, bouts of daylight fall in and out the near empty carriage. They're coming towards the end of the line.

Xia Fei does know the risk, but he leans in anyway, eager for the reward.

[just-null]

Do you ever do requests? If so, do you ever plan on drawing some Yandere with the Hantengu clones? :D hope you have a good day/night!!!

Mentioning an unfamiliar name

yes!! I love yanderes.. and these guys.. these guys are such good material...... nods nods..

I'm not sure about requests..I assume you mean drawing requests? I suppose if it REALLY catches my interest enough, I'd do it, but it'd probably just be line art/sketches.

[lucabyte]

isat doodles in the form of a silly-serious-silly sandwich

[nibbelraz]

if you have more yqy + baby thoughts i would love to hear them ouo

I DO I REALLY DO THANK YOU ANON

I was talking with @/artsarasp about it a couple days ago but I just keep thinking about how Yue Qingyuan finding out that he's pregnant after either having a one time heat of the moment fling with Shen Jiu (he can never think fo Shen Jiu as a fling, it was everything to him) OR he's pregnant from some plant that involved both of there DNA. I like the idea they had a heated moment because already with that Yue Qingyuan would be riddled with guilt about how much he misses Shen Jiu, How he's always wanted to be close to him like that and how he can't ever get that again and how he failed him so he should've never been able to have something like that even for a moment how dare he, How dare he even think of wanting an OUNCE of anything from Shen Jiu after leaving him

And then he's pregnant. He's witn Mu Qingfang. He promises not to say anything to anyone especially because it can put the Sect Master at risk. Especially when he can see how Yue Qingyuan goes white as a sheet after telling him the news.

Yue Qingyuan would be silent. Thinking. He can't tell him. He's already taken so much from him, he's already abandoned him, he's already hurt him so much what would he think of this? He'd never speak to him again, he can handle yelling, the comments, the glare but if he was to never see Shen Jiu again he'd be nothing. He doesn't want to get rid of it the fact he has something of his and his Xiao Jiu he selfishly wants this baby as proof that they were something once, for a time. For a moment. It's not the right reasons to have a child by far and he knows it but he refuses to do anything to stop it.

Mu Qingfang would tell him what he needs and what to do and how they'd try to keep it a secret from everyone but Yue Qingyuan is half listening he has to think of how to hide this from everyone for life.

I keep also thinking about after he has the baby. Successfully without Shen Jiu knowing, except his baby has those eyes, those beautifully sharp eyes that he's used to looking at him with contempt. But on his baby they're wide with curiosity and grabbing at him with such a tenderness its making him want to scream.

Ah but I'm a softie and I physically cannot let a bad ending happen so I feel like of course Shen Jiu would find out. I'm not sure how but he does and it's more gut wrenching than Yue Qingyuan can imagine because he think he hid his own son away from him because he doesn't trust him or that he hates him so much he can't even allow a vulnerability like this. I'm sorry i don't know how but AFTER HARDSHIP AND PAIN AND TIME THEY ARE A HAPPY FAMILY YAY!!!!!

[ambigrueity]

Rambling but

Trey is a very subtle character. Unlike most twst memebers a lot about him isn't explicitly said. He spends a lot of his time crafting a perfect image, so an outside perspective of him is difficult to present without there being certain biases in the way characters view him (Leona expecting there to be something more to his dream before realizing no it's just him wanting to bake to his hearts content or Rook believing that he's making tarts filled with love for Riddle but he himself is doing it out of necessity.) He keeps a lot of his emotions close to his chest too so it's not like he's going to talk about it himself. He doesn't soliloquize often. If you noticed in the maze section of Riddle's dream, he barely verbalized his own thoughts about the change in leadership, it was all "cater" driving the conversation. He's introverted and worries a lot about his perception to the point that he stifles what he wants to say in favor of smiling and tentatively manipulating the situation to remain comfortable. (Which Cater points out in Book 1 but THAT got mistranslated from Cater scolding Trey to Cater scolding himself about being more honest with his opinions which doesn't help the lack of understanding that people seem to have) Because he puts so much emphasis on his normalcy, fans seem to have a high expectation for his weirdness when it's kinda been in front of us the whole time. We're not the characters. He's not trying to fool us-- we have an omniscient view into everything he does. So it's obvious looking at it that he has a habit of being smothering/overdoing things. Vil points it out in maschef that he never really gives others space to grow because he's always there to cover every mistake. He hates mustard but believes he can get over it by forcing mustard into every food he can think of until someone had to stop him from putting it in cake and eating it. He's super fixated on dental hygiene and he gets tempted to bake so many different things, purchasing recipe books for fun, before reminding himself to reel it in because making too many would make it so that there was nowhere for those sweets to go. I feel like a lot of people missed a key point of his dream and that is I think Trey feels helpless a lot. A lot of the situations he ends up in are not in his control. So that's why he dotes and placates so that he can try to keep some semblance of it. An illusion of it. So his dream is a place where he doesn't have to do all these things to keep control. He just has it. He has his freedom to do as he likes without it costing him anything. A friend, his parent's dignity, the dorm. He doesn't need to be afraid of any of it. So he allows himself a faulty degree of overindulgence because peace and normalcy doesn't hinge on him. In the real world, every cake he prepared was for peace. But this time the cakes were just cakes. They weren't secretly disguised peace treaties or white flags. In the real world each baked good is within a rule or serves a purpose. In his dream, they can just exist. Just like him. Well anyway sorry brain went all over the place.

[crowsgrudge]

fionna's world being represented by a dandelion makes so much sense ... they're weeds. yet people make wishes through them, changing their whole meaning from something meant to be destroyed to something hopeful.

dandelions are also resilient and it makes sense that something associated with them would. you know. perservere despite the destruction caused by the scarab.

but ultimately i think what REALLY made me tear up over this is that dandelions are really boring plants. when you're a kid you blow on them and make your wish but they're not eyecatching or anything but still, fionna's final wish was for her old world to still exist as it was when she left it (> plain and simple. boring even).

like the moment she realized she would lose her friends, and that her friends might forget each other if the world got its magic back, she immediately decided she didn't want it and I think that ties back to the dandelion metaphor so well... like, do you really need magic to be real to find it everywhere? or can you turn something boring into something magical?

[artandbrimstone]

First things first 

!!!! Riptide 115 spoilers !!!!!

And if im wrong about anything i am sorry :( also this might be nothing but i need to say this somewhere

Chip and his lack of control over his own fate is so interesting to me. The guy who tells gillion tidestrider “I didn’t believe in destiny before i met you” is somehow, out of the three of them, the one who is seemingly following a predetermined path set out for him. 

Gillion, whilst being the chosen one, struggles with this identity and was exiled, which may be in his destiny but was clearly not intended by the elders. 

Jay has her prophecy (type thing I know its not exactly a prophecy) but it has no clear path for her specifically to follow.

Chip, however, was destined to end up back at the hole in the sea, but barely remembers actually being there in the first place, and yet when he does return to the black sea, there is a message from Rose from a decade prior knowing not only that he would return, but that he would be there looking for them after their disappearance. (i dont have the brainpower to go into how insane that message makes me so just know i think about it at least once a day). Even chips search for arlin, which was originally his own, was used against him and taken advantage of by Niklaus (with whatever the fuck he is planning im not smart enough to figure that out im just insane) making what was originally a goal into an “incessant urge to not only find the other members but also do what you [chip] were told and return to the hole in the sea”.

Not only that, there is also the compass, which is further twisting and intensifying chips desire to find arlin and return to the hole in the sea (niklaus also told chip to stop using the compass but yknow) so not even his desires, his main motivations that have led him to where he is now, arent truly his own. ( interestingly despite rose knowing he would go back to the black sea, still urges him to leave behind the legacy of the black rose pirates and do something greater) 

Even his death he had no part in, no crucial mistake, nothing he could have done differently to avoid it, he was simply chosen and made an example of for the sake of making a point of how fucked they were against captain widow, yet again a pawn in something he had no control over.

And then, when they do finally reach the hole in the sea, chip is led by the compass (THE FUCKIGN COMPASSSSS) and (im getting into insane territory here) has strange parallels to captain rose. He is separated from his crew (namely the only other black rose pirate, drey), made a deal with niklaus regarding the hole in the sea has the hole in his chest (idc if its not there in canon its there to me) however what is he met with? “Welcome home”. Now what does that mean? I dont fuckign know but it makes me very insane and this is long enough already so i hope you enjoyed my incoherent chip just roll with it ramble :D

[tojisun]

bear with me but uhm

we can’t be friends by ariana grande is so. like. best friend reader x hockey player/best friend! gaz during their collegiate years

just the overflowing pining and the “he can’t possibly like me…” moments with your friends while you all stay up late at night, trying to study for your midterms.

and your friends tell you—because they know—that no, you’re totally wrong because kyle absolutely can—because he does—like you. but your doubts continue to bloat, and how could they not build when kyle’s being scouted for the damn junior leagues, and he’s soaring heights you can’t reach because you’re stuck here, left behind, and you just.

you love him so much.

he is everything good in your life. everything that is beautiful.

he fills you up with so much joy and love, and he is so gentle and careful and tender, but also so full of silliness and boyish charm as he pranks you and fucks with your brother, tugging you two out of your slumps—for separate reasons—and is so patient when your minds continue to fight back.

kyle tucks himself beside you when it’s off-seasons, helping you with the courses that you find the hardest. he is so warm beside you on those days, and you burn from within because the words you want to say tickle the back of your throat, building, almost spilling, until—

“i got drafted for the juniors!” he yells, laughing, hoisting you up in his arms, deaf to your shrieks.

and.

and time pauses, it stills, because kyle is taking off, leaving you.

“holy shit,” you say, giddy despite the cold dread of your loneliness creeping down from the base of your neck to the plane of your spine. “holy shit, kyle, that’s so- i’m so-”

his eyes are bright, warm, full of unbridled joy, and his cheeks are round in his smile.

you breathe in, forcing the dread out of your chest because— “i’m so proud of you, kyle,” you say, and you mean it.

despite the fear and the anxiety of being separated from him, you truly are so, so proud of him.

he hugs you close and you pretend that the tremors overtaking your body is because of your excitement.

[cyanorth]

me if shoving my interests together was a job (id be rich)

anyway malevoff is real

[cent-scratchnsniff]

hoptal

[celestriix]

thinking about klavier gavin again because i saw someone say that the fact that he's the only prosecutor in the series who wants to find the truth and isn't insanely obsessed with winning like the other prosecutors makes him really boring

and i understand it to some extent when comparing him to other prosecutors but... Klavier Gavin??? BORING????

after playing aa4 i was OBSESSED with klavier gavin and the untouched potential of this guy

he loses his best friend/bandmate, his brother AND his mentor in the span of like a year?? i think??? which is INSANE.

there's something very tragic about klavier, a person who values finding the truth above all else, finding out that two of the people closest to him betrayed his trust and lied to him and used him for their own means AND ARE MURDERERS.

and then his mentor, a person who taught that seeking the truth is what a lawyer should do, gets murdered by a person who believes that winning in trials is the most important thing above all else WHICH IS THE SAME EXACT THING THAT KRISTOPH VALUED AS WELL !!!

this core belief of finding out the truth that klavier has, leads him to finding out about the things that daryan and kristoph did, and even though they are important to him, people he CARES about, he continues to work with apollo to see that justice is served.

and the fact that we don't get to see anything of klavier getting any closure after the events of aa4 makes me insane

we never get to see much of klavier's feelings on what happened or him fully processing the events of aa4 and that one case in aa5 and it makes me soooo upset. i wish he got more than that little cameo in aa5 and that one tiny flashback appearance in aa6.

in an alternate universe, aa4 got a true sequel that fully explored klavier's character, as well as phoenix's, klavier's, AND apollo's relationship with kristoph, and klavier's relationship with phoenix post-aa4, and also a more thought out? (for the lack of a better word) backstory for apollo, and an exploration of the jury system, and a game that ACTUALLY built upon the foundation that aa4 laid out.

and i am forever upset that we are not in that alternate universe.

[supahstarrr]

i love watari nishino, and so i will ramble about obvious things relating to her background and character. insert heart emoji.

the parentification of watari makes me so so sick. can't stop thinking about that despite the strained relationship with her father she continues to reach out to him despite him not replying, just as she constantly reaches out to others in the game even when they don't reply to her. despite the strained relationship with her older brother based on the lack of energy to her and the younger ones, she is willing to hang out with him—which once again mirrors her tendency to reach out to others.

can't stop thinking about her reassuring her siblings that their mother still loves the family despite the constant emotional and physical neglect, as an attempt to ease their and her mind based on the (valid) perceptions of their mother making them feel unloved. its a reminder of how she tries to find reassurance in okazaki's character despite everyone perceiving them based on how they appear—both her mother and okazaki appear as negative uncaring characters yet it's nishino who is able to see and hope of the potential warmth in them that they don't or aren't perceived to show often, despite the negative perceptions from others having some validity to them.

can't stop thinking about her clinging to leadership roles because that is all she is used to, despite it exhausting her. her deciding to give herself responsibilities revolving around tending to others, despite those kind of responsibilities being forced onto her at a young age. she creates a dance team, and as leader she's the one looking for solutions for problems that risk the existence of her team *all while* constantly tending to her family.

notably her difficulties with the lack of control is what weighs her down, making her prone to being one of the weakest characters in the investigations and trials. this leads her to gravitate to the idea of being a leader.

i can't stop thinking about how the killing game allows her to play with a leadership role, which is something she cannot do while being a leader at home and for her dance team. through playing with the "headmaster" role, she tries to reinforce the false sense of normalcy for both her (that is leadership, tending to others and school) and others (that is school). its an attempt of finding comfort while grappling with the lack of control she's not used to, while also allowing her to be within a "leadership" role that doesn't require much commitment in contrast to being a leader for her family and dance team—thus being an interesting case of (very loosely) reclaiming leadership.

then okazaki takes advantage of watari's role. okazaki takes advantage of watari's "leadership" by utilizing the "privileges" they're given as "hall patrol" for the sake of committing murder. this give more layers to the tragedy that is watari and okazaki's dynamic, as this mirrors how watari's family members (mother, older brother and father) take advantage of watari's role as the primary caregiver so they don't have to put care into the family. watari's tendency to step up for others being taken advantaged by others is a norm for her, and yet okazaki contributed to that normalcy despite the validity to watari's "leadership" being more questionable. watari's attempt to mimic normalcy for the sake of her comfort and others just... became so sad.

i can't stop thinking about how her persistence and dedication leads her to giving energy to people despite them not giving it back the same. and i can't stop thinking about her hope for others.

[crocuta1]

Marie's Spinosaurus 💔💔💔💔

I haven't decided if I like the name Calzone or Hot-pocket for maries spino :/. WHICH ONE SUITS HIM BETTER GUYS......

[mueritos]

trying to be more accepting of the likelihood I am autistic, I feel ive been having this constant back and forth conversation with myself for the past 2 years about it. "you can go to school, be a therapist for people, run errands, win awards, and somehow fit 2 jobs into all of that" and I use that as proof that I am NOT autistic...however, realizing i lose an entire weekend for a trip? distress. fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night and leaves me trembling, crying, and forced to recover? oh boy i wonder why that happened. feeling confused and like i'm constantly missing something when people express themselves in class or in the workplace? hm, it's almost as if I struggle to not take their language literally.

i don't think i've ever been allowed to be "disabled" by whatever neurodivergency and its symptomology, like, ever. god speed any other neurodivergent children of immigrants, but i don't feel allowed to let any cluster of disturbances or schedule changes or social conundrums disable me. I mean, they can affect me privately, where I am forced to stim and cry and process all on my own. But unfortunately i cannot look like the misshapen freak I feel I am, or well, as least not appear so in a socially unacceptable way.

it's funny i carry so much shame. i am unmasking in ways i never thought i could. i am allowing myself to take things literally with people, and I am allowing myself to ask more questions. "what did you mean by that?" "why did you use that word to describe that?" "can you rephrase that?" it's funnier that I am at such a queer and neurodiverse internship; nearly all of the other clinical staff have some sort of diagnosis (usually adhd/ocd/with flavors of trauma), and we all serve a population of the queerest and most neurodiverse students. i feel SO happy when I see a student and they refuse to make eye contact with me, because I take it as an invitation to NOT look them in the eye too! i tell students during our sessions feel free to stim, here's a weighted plushie you can hold, sit where you like, would you like to pace, should I dim the lights? it is even funnier that i am a neurodivergent clinician working with neurodivergent people, and half the time I dont even follow the same advice I give my clients!

i worry about what my life will look like when i've graduated. my master's will say, "hey, this guy is a clinical social worker and is now ready to be your therapist! or caseworker! whatever they have you people do nowadays!" and I don't think i feel ready to enter any workforce. how on earth will i manage my life and wellbeing doing this 40 hours a week? like wtf? ugh.

i dunno. these r just rambles and perhaps im just seeking some sort of comfort from other autistic people, especially because it feels like i have very few autistic people in my life. i know a lot of the validation i seek will be "resolved" if i seek out an official diagnosis, but I don't have time or $ for that. nor do I think I want one for a number of reasons. I should just continue working on my own self-esteem when it comes to most likely being autistic.

oh well

[ivanttakethis]

So like………………. what was the point of Round 6?? 🤨

[achillvs]

basically spoiler free, but here's some thoughts.

i think in ep 3 of "misfits and magic 2" you can really see how doing 'worlds beyond number' impacted the gamestyle of the 4/5 of the cast of m&m.

the "evan incident" quickly changed the tone of the game, understandably, but i am still quite amazed how... committed to taking it slow lou, erika, brennan and aabria were. i think it's very fitting for sam to say the genuine, big words and continue with action - but also danielle is so relatable to me as a player in that. the GM has a whole story planned, we are on a schedule, let's do things, react with the world! pay homage to what's happened but also let's go, things have to happen! that's definitely what i would do too, and danielle did perfectly - her moments with evan after she got used to the emotional standstill were my favourite. but for the rest, it seems like their first instict was to dive deep already. lou allowed himself to pull away, he was ready for jammer to disbelieve the whole thing and aabria pulled with him. erika also pulled away to stay "in shock" - of course, it's a natural reaction, but I know in so many games none of this would be taken so introspectively, it would be quicker, channeled outward. brennan, who we know can't help but co-GM at times (in a good way, playing a PC in a way that aids the GM's job) says as evan "I fade away" and has to be brought back by sam. he does "help out" by saying evan's still on the mission, but it is much more reserved than he could've been. through the whole thing aabria was so focused on keeping the time progression to a minimum, truly joining the others in the haze of the moment when she really could've, you know, arthur aguefort it. you know she could, and more.

none of it is the original plot, part of the objective they had last episode even. it's purely reactive to a random event, but it's also mostly just emotional reaction. aside from jammer talking to the guy to find a solution (because it was offered, not because he sought it out), an "action" wasn't taken for like an hour of real time. they just allow themselves to sit for that hour and feel. and i cant help but see the wbn effect in play. it's commitment to the story, to the truth of the character vs the plot and the constraints of time-limited, scripted media. and it's incredible to watch outside of the podcast