#sorry im high and just feeling so sappy about all this

[sundrownsthehouse]

kinda can't believe that this happened

thanks to everyone who's read my fic, and so much love to the people who've commented such kind things. i was so incredibly nervous to share my writing, but i've been welcomed here with open arms and i really appreciate it ♥️

[coridallasmultipass]

TW for my usual unhinged stance on puppets, if you're following me, you know. If you're not, I'm sorry (not sorry). ((If you're the author or narrator, I'm actually sorry.))

Okay, so because I'm allowed to be freaky on main about puppets on this site, I just wanna tell everyone, because everyone should know that creepypasta narrator Lighthouse Horror just posted a story (by author Alonso Solis) about an evil puppet show a few days ago, and I just listened, and I loved it.

Now onto freaky business:

Headcanoning the main char as a puppetfucker bc c'mon, that bromance, the way he lovingly describes Mr. Smiley's appearance, what he does before leaving the old studio towards the end... Just... Mmmm... *chef's kiss* love this kinda content. I'll sleep soundly dreaming I could have someone like that. Y'know? Big, glassy eyes, big grin, secret evil laugh, mildly self-animate...

[dwaekkicidal]

Worship.

˚ʚChangbin x Gn!Readerɞ˚

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ summary: Making love with and worshiping Seo Changbin. No real plot, just reader spoiling Binnie (like he deserves 🔫).

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ word count: 2.1k

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ warnings: want to say gender neutral but 1 very slight mention of pregnancy so fem!reader just incase, reader is referred to as “Bunny,” a teeny bit angsty; mentions of binnie feeling nervous about his ‘ab’ reveal, oral (m receiving), binnie cries like 1(½) times (im sorry), love making and slow sex (tho the sex itself is super short), creampie (try to pee after sex pls), tiny breeding mention

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ notes: I cant even lie i actually cried multiple times while writing this LMFAOO. 😐 I’m sleep deprived and I get suuuper moody when I am so here we are. anyways.. this was largely inspired by the tummy part i wrote in this, but i got super sappy and was listening to mind numbing, slow love songs while I wrote this so i made it worshiping him in general (i'm not sorry. he deserves all of this and more)

DO NOT republish or translate+post my work!

Your knees were so sore, the soft carpet under you was no longer doing its job in cushioning them from your spot on the floor. But, you’re not sure you would complain even if you were able to. The sight above you was one that you would happily fight every god and goddess for just the chance of seeing again. Changbin was leaned against your bedroom door, shirt bunched up tightly in his hand as he held it to his chest. His jaw is slacked and his eyebrows were knitted together harshly. Your jaw ached at this point, but you were here to prove a point.

You had overheard your boyfriend talking to his members about the recent “Ab reveal” comment he made in a recent SKZCode episode. The members had told him many times that he didn’t actually have to go through with it, that nobody would be mad at him if he decided to not do it. You took it upon yourself to talk to him about this, and when you realized that he was very shy about his tummy compared to his confidence about his biceps, you realized you had some work to do.

So, being the good lover that you are, you dropped to your knees and promised to prove to him just how sexy all of him was. And that’s how you got here. Now, focusing back on your goal you simply sunk farther onto his dick, humming against his sensitive tip as it hit the back of your throat.

“H-Holy shit… Bunnyy-”

His eyes rolled to the back of his head and the hand in your hair tightened. His hand held you there for a few seconds until you gagged against him, then he finally pulled you off slightly. You could feel his legs start to shake under your palms as you returned to your previous pace, the pleasure was getting too much and you could easily tell how close he was when he whined so prettily. You hastily get back to work and use your hands on his thighs as leverage, bobbing your head forward and backwards with a strong desire to please him.

“Fuck! God, you’re so good to me, Bunny. What did I do to deserve you.” Your eyebrows furrow in a glare up at him before you lightly graze your teeth against his length as punishment, not enough to actually hurt him badly but just enough to remind him what this was all about in the first place. “A-AH! S-Sorry!”

You felt his hips stutter and you take that as the only warning besides his pitching moans, so you pull off so only his tip rests against your tongue and suck. Your hands move to quickly pump the rest of his length, paying extra attention to the sensitive underside, as he rides out his high. The hand in your hair moves to hold a deafening grip on his hip, he’s trying his hardest to not let out a pornographic moan as his hips buck uncontrollably into your mouth. His eyes stayed on the scene in front of him for as long as they could before they slammed shut from how overwhelming it all was.

Once his hips cease their movements, and are instead replaced with little convulses from sensitivity, you pull away and leave a soft kiss to his tip. A shaky laugh is pulled from him in pure disbelief of the intensity of the orgasm you just gave him. He goes to pull you up but you smack his hand away, opting to stay on the floor and litter kisses along his thighs. They trail unbearably slowly; up his thighs to his pelvis before trailing up to his stomach. You stay there for a while, appreciating the area with soft pecks of adoration and nibbles just to tease a little.

It was uncomfortable to crouch at this angle, but you needed your point to be proven. You needed this man to understand just how sexy he was to you. Just how fucking insane he drove you by merely breathing the same air as you. You were obsessed with your Seo Changbin, and honestly who could blame you? He was the hottest man in the universe. Very silly but serious when needed, he treated you like royalty even in front of his friends and family, and he communicated his feelings like you’d never seen before. He was everything a woman could ask of a man, and you felt it was your only goal in life to make sure he knew it.

After getting lost in your thoughts, you return to your endeavor and rise up to his chest. It was still rising up and down from his frantic breaths, but you ignored the chance to tease him over it and instead placed soft kisses to his pecs. You’re moving up again and linger at his neck, nibbling it softly and leaving hickies that you know would unfortunately fade by morning. When you finally reach his face, you hover mere millimeters away and take in his expression. He’s an absolute mess.

His breath still hasn’t returned to him, but this time it was prevented by the overwhelming tenderness being physically given to him. Something he’s never experienced on this level before. You almost feel guilty that you didn’t show him sooner, but before you can think too much into it you pull yourself together. He lets out strangled noises as you place kisses on his cheeks, then forehead, and finally his nose. You can only assume the noises are from the lack of your lips on his, but when you pull away to do so you realize you were wrong. You’re met with a heart-rending scene.

His pretty dark eyes are watery, and some tears have already fallen along the cheeks you just pressed your lips to. Your expression must show obvious surprise cause he frowns and more tears fall. His lips part as if he was going to speak up but you hush him, wrapping your arms around his neck as you finally place your lips to his. His hands plant themselves on your hips, he squeezes them a little roughly but you know it's to mentally ground himself so complaining doesn’t even cross your mind.

You two stay like this for some time, lips locked in a slow and passionate make out session, hands holding each other as close as physically possible. You finally pull away after some minutes, resting your forehead against his as you both stare lovingly into each other's eyes. The tears finally stopped falling but his eyes are still very glossy.

Your soft voice finally breaks the silence, as much as you want to continue your efforts, his well being is a million times more important. “You ok Binnie?” He takes a deep breath and chooses to nod instead of speaking up. You giggle and place kisses along his cheek again, giving him time to collect himself and finish catching his breath.

When he finally returns to his normal self he nuzzles himself into your neck and places his own kisses there. “Doing that to me during post nut clarity was so mean, Bunny. I’m gonna get you back for that tomorrow.” You laugh and pull away, bombarding his lips with soft kisses as a silent apology.

When you pull away, he speedingly kicks his pants away and tugs desperately at your shirt, “Why am I the only one naked, Bunny..” You smile and mumble an apology, tearing your clothes off before letting him lead you to the bed. You straddle him the second he lays down and his hands grab at the bottom of your ass cheeks, wanting to lift you so he can swap positions, but before he can do it you push his hands away. He gives you a confused pout as you push him down to lay on the bed, hovering yourself over his dick and leaning forward to press more kisses to his collarbone.

“Mmm.. ‘already told you I wanna spoil you tonight, Binnie. If you let me, I just wanna worship you for a bit..” He bites his lip and nods. “I promise if we do a round two I’ll let you take control. But, for now, let me spoil my God-like boyfriend to make up for all the other chances I missed.” He groans and throws his arms over his head, freeing his hold on you to let you take the reins.

He feels you smile into his skin and it manages to give him butterflies. He quickly gets lost in thought when you bury him in another pile of kisses. At this moment in time he’s finally realizing just how tightly he’s wrapped around your finger. The boys have teased him over it for months but he never fully saw it until now. He fears that if you would ask him to set the world on fire, he wouldn’t hesitate. It’s normally scary to love somebody that much. But as your kisses move between his neck, his pecs, his biceps, and his tummy… All he feels is pride. The man before you realizes in this very moment that he is in so much deeper than he thought he was.

It’s when you’re finally sinking down on him that he distances from these thoughts surrounding his newfound awareness. He lets out a quiet moan at the feeling of you wrapped around him, and another at the sight of his beautiful Bunny sitting so prettily on his dick, biting their lip and looking down at him with such warmth in their eyes.

And you? You’re met with the sight of your beautiful boyfriend, the man you would drop everything in the world to marry and run away with, if he so asked. The man who does everything in his power to make you happy. The man who would, and has, done everything physically possible to keep you safe from the dangers outside of your shared apartment. As you grind down on him, you start to slip into your own thoughts. But the shine of his eyes starting to water again has you immediately stop your movements in worry.

But when the moans from him were replaced with whines and a distressed pout, you couldn’t dare to bring yourself to deny him of what he wants. Your hips start to lift and drop you onto him slowly. The two of you would normally be fucking like rabbits, but after everything that just happened there’s a silent agreement to take it slower tonight.

His hands grip tightly to your hips, helping you in the up and down movements as you lean down to be chest to chest with him. Your eyes lock and stare into one another’s for a few seconds before you fold first, leaning further into him for a kiss. Your movements would have stopped completely if it wasn’t for his hands doing the work now, grinding you against him slowly. The tears in his eyes finally go away just in time for him to watch you pull away, leaning back up to continue towards your goal. Then, just like earlier, you lose yourself in efforts to please him and love on him. Your hips slap against each other in a slow rhythm that still gets the job done.

When he feels you clenching harder and notices your hips moving more messily, he moves his hands to grab your wrists and starts to thrust his hips up to meet yours. The fingers on both of your hands interlace with both of his, and this is how the two of you finish. Eyes, hands, and bodies locked together. When you don’t move to pull off him, he feels his chest swell with even more pride. However, this time caused by the split second idea of starting a family with you. The thought of settling down has crossed his mind before, but when you’re cumming like that above him after worshiping every inch of his skin you could get your hands on, the idea very quickly imprints itself into his brain.

You ride him for a little longer to make the highs last as long as possible, and when it's finally over, the two of you sit there in silence to catch your breaths. His hands grab your forearms to hold you in place as he sits up, then pulls you into another desperate but passionate kiss.

The two of you lay together; bodies tangled and lips locking together.

When he doesn’t lean back in for another kiss, and instead just stares at you with a smile on his face, you can tell he’s lost in thought. But based on the smile, you leave it be and just smile back. On his side of things, he decided to poke at you tomorrow to ask where this all came from all of the sudden. In the meantime though, he just lies and enjoys your warmth, reveling in the new objective he has for his life. The once comforting silence is broken when he mindlessly speaks about this new goal in his mind.

“Bunny?”

“Yes baby?”

“I’m gonna marry you one day.”

Nobody perceive me. I'm in shambles.

Taglist:

@jiminssluttyminx @changisworld @juskz

[minustwofingers]

cool about it teaser

pairing: closetedfem!reader x ellie

request? yes, by @gold-dustwomxn (:

summary: life in the apocalypse is hard enough. the last thing you need is unrequited feelings for your best friend—who is very much off limits. so you'll just be cool about it. really cool about it. set in a loose interpretation of canon where i toy around with the timeline and storyline just the slightest and this is also a bit of a slowburn

warnings: ur closeted asf, queer angst, gross men, explicit language, substance use

a/n: hey guys i haven't really been posting much recently, but i wanted to at least post two scenes from this series so u guys have an idea of what to expect...also so u guys can tell me which one you want me to work on more (love is a laserquest or this one). i hope u enjoy...sorry this one is a little disjointed! (there are many events that happen between the two scenes im sharing w u as a little treat)

I. (opening scene)

The revelation that your feelings towards your best friend had become complicated arrives with the dead of winter. It’s strange, really, how something within you came to life just as the rest of the world began to die. 

If you were wiser, you’d find ways to explain it away, to rationalize all the weird thoughts in your head. You’d cite the chill in the air. The holiday spirit running through Jackson. The desolation that came with your only outdoor companions being the brown corpses of deciduous trees and infected that hadn’t frozen in the winter storms that kept battering Wyoming. 

But with age came wisdom, and both of those virtues were in short supply in a post-apocalyptic world. So, you resign yourself to cataloging away these feelings and pretending like everything was absolutely normal and cool. 

The bad thing about having good things, you think to yourself bitterly one day as you watch Ellie’s eyes light up as she rambles in her room as you sit on her bed about a comic book Joel had found her, is that they’re risky. High risk—high reward. Ellie was special to you in a way that no one else was. And using this logic, losing her would bring such an unforeseen devastation that you weren’t sure that you could go on. 

So, normal. Cool. Chill. Because you cannot afford to fuck this one up. 

“I love when you tell me about your comics,” you tell her in a way that’s definitely not sappy sweet and gooey. 

She smiles crookedly back at you. “You’re such a fucking liar. I know you couldn’t give a shit about these.” 

“Am not!” You throw a punch at her arm, feeling your heart twist as she just grins wider. “For the record, I do give a shit. Many, actually.”

“That sounds gross.” 

“Your words, not mine.” 

And it’s absolutely gut wrenching how she can just smile at you like that, like she’s not holding your heart in her fist.

“So, uh, Cat,” you blurt out. You’d been staring at her for too long. “Dina said that you two were—uh…” 

You wave your hand around in the air like you’re sifting through thousands of possible word combinations. In reality, you know exactly what you need to say to get the answer you’re searching for. You just don’t want to ask. 

“Well…” She blushes. Her eyes drop to her hands, where her fingers are toying with the bits of cuticle she hasn’t already torn off. 

“I knew it!” you croon, hoping that the boatload of dread that just dropped in your stomach isn’t as obvious as it feels. “Tell me everything.”

“Nothing to tell,” she says. “Nothing yet, at least. It’s stupid but—I just noticed that she hangs around me a lot, you know? And, like, touches me more than she needs to. Shit like that. I dunno.”

The wound deep inside you splits like the fake grin on your lips. “Wowwwww. Look at you!” 

Ellie rolls her eyes. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“I mean,” she says, her eyes twinkling conspiratorially, “What about Eddie? Jesse told me that you spend a lot of time with him.”

“We’re patrol partners,” you offer. It’s not a lie. You’re just choosing to omit the part where Eddie spends half his patrol staring longingly in your direction while you pretend not to notice. 

“I know that.”

“It’s…” You gnaw on your bottom lip. “I don’t know how I feel about that right now.” 

That’s not a lie either. Eddie is…nice. All the other girls like him, except for Dina (she has Jesse) and Ellie (she has another very obvious reason). He’s attractive. At least, that’s what Bonnie tells you. Apparently the buzzed hair and heavy bluntness found in all of his features is considered hot. 

But just because you’re not into him now doesn’t mean you could never be. That’s what your mother used to say about your father—she hadn’t liked him upon their first meeting. But it changed with time, and you’d rather have someone than be all alone. 

Ellie hums, picking at the cuticle of her thumb. “He likes you.”

“So I’ve heard.” 

“Well,” she says, “I heard Jesse’s putting on another bonfire tonight. Want to walk there together after dinner?” 

You spend another evening staring across the fire at your best friend, watching the warm glow of the flames warp and distort the shape of her and Cat, pressed up against each other and smiling wide. You aren’t sure why it makes you so uncomfortable to see them together. Homophobia? No. Maybe? You recently learned that that was a thing, but you don’t consider yourself bigoted, and being a homophobe is more of an opt-in situation, right? 

But when you try to reach deep inside to find a more plausible answer, there’s nothing. 

It’s your detachment from reality that lets Eddie drape a heavy, hard arm over your shoulder. 

“Hey,” he whispers into your ear. His breath is hot and warm. 

“Hey,” you whisper back, wanting nothing more than to get away. Thankfully, Ellie is too preoccupied with Cat to even look your way. You’re sure that you’d die if she saw Eddie touching you like this. 

“You look really pretty tonight.”

“Thank you.”

It’s like someone shone a spotlight on you, hung a sign on your neck that said, I am perceived and desired by men. You don’t know why this makes your skin crawl so much. 

Eddie’s fingers are tracing patterns on the flesh of your arm. You find that you’re grateful for the extra layer your sweatshirt sleeve provides. You don’t want him to touch you—don’t want to know what it’s like for him to deliberately make contact with your skin. 

The next time he speaks to you, it’s in a murmur that you suppose is meant to sound seductive. “You’re quiet today.”

“Just a little tired.” And now you feel guilty, because Eddie really hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s you who has an issue with a boy who’s perfectly nice and clearly likes you. 

He laughs like you’d said something funny, tightening his arm so you press into his side. His body is blazing hot like a furnace, and it feels hard and foreign.

II. (scene from somewhere in the middle )

“Sorry!” You titter at the crowd of your friends who formed at the sliding glass door. “Um—sorry.” 

It seems to be the only thing you can say. 

“Cat,” Ellie says, an edge of desperation in her voice. “Cat, please, it’s not like—”

“I’m pretty fucking sure of what I saw,” snaps Cat. She turns to Eddie, a vicious glint in her eyes. “Didn’t know your girl swung that way.” 

And then she shoves past the mass of people, Ellie kicking off from the deck railing with a stream of apologies falling from her lips as she follows behind. 

Eddie walks forward, confusion the dominant emotion in his wide face.

“Uh—I didn’t—”

“I’m really drunk,” you say to him, feeling the tears begin to spill down your cheeks. “It’s not like that. I promise it’s not like that. I don’t know why I did that.”

“Hey,” he says, opening his arms. “Come here. Why are you crying?” 

“I don’t know,” you sputter, stepping into him and pressing your snotty face into his shirt. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Fuck.”

“It’s really okay.” His hand finds the flat part of your back between your shoulder blade and rubs circles. “It’s just a chick. If it were, like, I dunno, Jesse, I would’ve been angry.”

“You’re not mad?” you ask, pulling away to look up at him. Maybe there’s something tonight you didn’t ruin. 

He smiles down at you. “‘Course not. Some guys find that shit hot, you know. Two girls kissing like that.”

The smile that seemed so innocent at first sends a sharp, chilling pang through your chest. He doesn’t seem to notice your hesitation in the way your face falls as his head dips to kiss you, doesn’t seem to register the disgust you exhibit until you have to shove yourself away.

“I’m really drunk,” you repeat, looking anywhere but his face. “I want to go to bed.” 

“I can come—”

“No.”

final a/n: like i said so sorry about how disjointed this is. i just want to get a feel for what my readers are more interested in for now!!

[miupow]

i had the cutest thought

what if crave boys gave you a new name something wolfy and didnt call you by your real name cos they dont want you to associate with your painful past or smth? maybe slightly to brain wash you in a nice way? or just cos they're so fond of you probably

twilight nonnie who thinks about crave when she wants to run away from life 🐺🍎

twilight nonnie... what if i told you that crave prologue is coming soon... i just had the biggest burst of inspiration to finish it... and its because of u and all of my readers who love craveverse and are always asking about it <3 never did i expect crave of all things to be the thing that is most popular on my blog when i first wrote it , but i love that story so much and im so excited to tell it. thank u all for sticking around even when its taken me so long to put out crave... i love u

sorry i've smoked and i get sappy when i'm high 😭

i think giving mc a specific name would turn her more into a kind of oc character than a reader, no? i feel like mc would lose that appealing reader effect if i gave her a name. though it is a cute concept >< luna is the first name that comes to mind to me , because of a/b/o T^T is that cringe

[circusjuney]

10 random facts about me!!!

thank you sm @flovoid for the tag my friend!!!!! <3

i am a singer!!! i grew up singing my entire life, and it's actually my dream to make at least one album. idk if i'll make multiple but i really want to make just one. probably some sort of rock album

i'm a horror freak through and through. i mostly only watch horror movies and tbh for a while i've wanted to try my hand at some horror sims content but i didn't want to make anything that might scare people off ghfdsg. btw my fav horror series are the v/h/s series and terrifier (except all hallows eve srry damien) ✌️

my favorite bands are system of a down, deftones, pierce the veil, mcr, radiohead, and i have another one but tbh i'm too embarrassed to admit it on the internet <3

bugs are a special interest of mine and i just enrolled in a zoology course at my uni to hopefully learn more about them :,) learning on my own is hard tbh because there is a LOT of misinformation about bugs on the internet so i wanted to properly learn in a school environment and i hope to someday work with insects!! bugs!!!! yesss!!!

i love clowns... this one kind of ties in with the horror fact tbh because i mostly love scary horror clowns!!!! they're just so fucking cool to me idk!!! literally some of my favorite horror movies ever are clown related like terrifier and killer klowns from outer space. also the luna clown from scooby doo can hmu whenever i'm free everyday

my username is circusjuney mostly just because i love clowns but also because of circus baby from fnaf!!! fnaf is another special interest of mine and i wanted a username that tied in some of my interests like that. however i've thought about changing it bc some people call me circus instead of my name 😭

my favorite color is orange bc it's the color of pumpkins and autumn leaves and halloween and it's all my favorite things! :,)

i am lowkey a musical theater lover but i really mostly love random songs from diff musicals and haven't had the chance to go through most shows all the way through except for waitress (my fav) and hamilton which i unfortunately can recite the entirety of 😔 in my final 2 years of high school i joined a performing arts program and spent half of everyday at a different school taking theater classes!! i joined the tech crew towards the end bc being forced to perform was doing numbers on me mentally 😝

my fav food is a breakfast sandwich <3 gimme a bagel or a brioche bun with some bacon and eggs and cheese and other fun stuff.......... eating that makes my hearts go up like in minecraft

and lastly um... idk...... i'm running out of facts........ the last fact is that............ ily <3 <3 <3 i am a pretty sappy person tbh and i have so much love in my heart it kinda hurts sometimes <3 <3 <3 so i'm giving it to you now so that it hurts less <3 <3

now im tagging @butteredfrogs @living-undead @youredreamingofroo @zleepyhollow @blueyjoy @mmonetsims @kuroashims if you've done this already or don't wanna just ignore!!!

also i feel so bad i have not been keeping up on tumblr at all bc i wake up play minecraft and go back to bed it's bad fhjdskgdasklgkdfj so sorry for my inactivity <3 <3 <3

[fatmaclover]

my brain is not letting me form thoughts coherently but I'm thinking so much about our little charlies home alone wolrd i feel siccck i feel sick. do you think they talked at all while she was out of the room about them caring about her. do you think she said anything emotional while on pain meds. im thinking

katie you make me ill. thank you

i bet mac and dennis definitely have moments just. sitting. in the waiting room. they definitely fight. it starts with mac and dennis fighting over each other for not being worried about joyce, like the fights in charlie gets crippled yknow? theyre fighting sure but it's definitely an expression of how much they care about joyce.

i definitely think theres a phase there, though, where mac and dennis are shooed from her room, since she needs her rest or whatever. and i imagine neither of them are gonna be the worse best friend and go home first. so theyre just sitting, silent, still emotional after crying with joyce. and after a while, you can see mac looking up through his lashes at dennis.

he asks if dennis thinks joyce will be okay. of course dennis says she will be. he tells mac not to be a pussy. some heartfelt scene with mac rambling, admitting his care and worry for joyce. dennis taking a long moment to contemplate, before agreeing, admitting how worried he gets for her, too. how much he cares. theres a long beat of silence, before they break into a fight over whos fault it is again, though its definitely with less effort than before.

as for joyce saying emotional shit on pain meds you know she was on that "i did it all for you guys" shit that makes mac and dennis feel 70x worse. "i hope you guys at least had a good game" and mac is about to punch a hole in the wall. sure she did all that so the eagles could win, but would she even care if the eagles werent so important to her friends? would she be that self sacrificial?

maybe once mac and dennis get to have time alone with her they get a bit more sappy. mac definitely would. sneaking in some glue or something to be able to get high with joyce. hes trying to be strong but he cant get over the guilt that he wasnt there to protect her. maybe hes even crying over her, finally pouring his feelings to her. finally getting out how much he cares and how sorry he is for not being there sooner.

and man. joyce really misses middle and elementary school. she misses the mac that would talk to her like this without her nearly dying in order to achieve it. in the moment, she lets herself be happy that shes getting anything at all though.

[chocotonez]

skz + promposals

a/n: hopefully this is ok anon!! thanks so much for requesting! <3

warnings/genre: high school au, fluff, based off another one of my hcs u can find here

chan

-definitely one of the more public ones, probably during lunch or in the commons

-nothing overly cheesy with signs and backup dancers, but mainly just a simple “prom?” with a flower or smth

-he doesn’t want you to feel like everyone’s scrutinizing you, but he also just wants to show you off <33

-probably jokes on serenading you with his guitar at lunch

-tries to hide how happy he is and the sappy grin on his face when you say yes, but he’ll always respect your choice at the end of the day <3

lee know

-more private, intimate, and quiet

-you two are probably just hanging out or doing homework together when he asks what you’re doing on prom night, and when you say nothing he’ll just drop “wanna go to prom with me?”

-very simple, quick, easy, but his heart is going at 1000 bpm and his hands are all clammy

-if this is what it feels like to ask you to a high school dance, he could never imagine proposing

-just giggles a bit when you say yes and smiles, not being able to properly word how happy he is

changbin

-another more public one but he makes it fun!!

-public as in he just…does it in public, he isn’t purposefully trying to draw attention to you two, it just happens

-such a dork with it too, makes up a really cheesy pun that is so bad it’s good, and is doing his best to make you smile and hopefully his cuteness will make up for the terrible promposal puns

-gives you a super tight hug when you say yes, saying “I knew my charm would win u over ;3” and acting all smooth

-little did you know he spent the night prior screaming to his friends on how he should ask you to prom LMAO

hyunjin

-another more silent, casual type

-you’re probably watching him work in an empty art classroom while you rant about your day, as he’s listening carefully but drawing out silly portraits along with his project

-he interrupts you suddenly “hey, wanna go to prom with me?” and when you say yes he just keeps on steam rolling through his art

-little did u know that he was letting you rant so he could build up courage to ask you hehe </3

-tells his friends almost immediately and is freaking out on his private story “omg guys they said yes tell me im not the smoothest guy ever!!!” and his friends will be like “jinnie you spent five days trying to plan a single question”

han

-so sorry but he will be a little shit and be very public

-since he’s the kid in the announcements, he’ll either a.) call you down so he can ask you to prom there, or b.), ask you to prom over the intercom

-either way you get all flustered, and when he sees you he’s smiling v wide but his cheeks are tinted with a nervous blush

-does his absolute best to make it funny and memorable, while also just showing everyone that your his

-your friends def tease you about how much of a simp hannie is for you <33

felix

-casual but cute!!

-shows up to your house to ask your parents, brings out cupcakes that spell out “PROM?” and just wins your family over

-honestly you think your mom wanted you to go to prom with him more than you did

-either way, the cupcakes were very tasty and it wasn’t super public or loud. Felix was just happy you said yes LMAO, but he’ll definitely post photos of the cupcakes and you on social media

-but he doesn’t really get sharing the fact that he asked you to prom, he’s more excited for the cute photos u guys r gonna take at prom :,)

seungmin

-asks it casually and honestly it’s kinda hurtful how easy it was

-but in some sense is was very romantic how you two were sitting in his car, listening to music while he was talking about his day and all these weird thoughts floating around his brain, or that one story of a helicopter crashing into his place while he was brushing his teeth…

-either way, he just randomly asks you to prom. he doesn’t seem taken aback or flustered, which makes you a bit nervous that he doesn’t care tbh

-but then his friends send you screenshots of him cheering and celebrating in their group chat

jeongin

-shy but still does it in public, but nothing massive

-gives people dirty looks if they stare too long, mainly because he feels v v awkward but he also just thinks promposals are cute :,)

-it’s really just a decorated letter while he sheepishly asks “wanna go to prom with me?”

-it’s honestly so adorable LMAO, he was also gonna plan chan and lee know as interpretive backup dancers but he felt like that would get too much attention

-he also really wanted to make one of those big, cheesy signs but he was too shy :,)

-either way immediately starts coordinating your matching fits

[abimee]

sorry if this is sappy but i follow your twitter from a private account and have done for a while because i thoroughly enjoy your art and what you make. the piece thats always stood out the most to me is the one you did of hyth and the caterpillar and digestive tract, i have it saved to my phone so i can look at it when im experiencing emotions. your art feels so well lived in and loved (and i hope its not weird to say but it reminds me of l ike. a very hearty stew. like with potatoes and carrots), your anatomy feels so impactful and has a physicality and weight that i just adore it's like. (explosion sfx). have a lovely evening

i really like this ask cause whenever people describe my art in like positive and Warm tones i get this tingle in my arms cause i think for the lonest time my art used to not be considered these kind words, people often would tell me my art had a rather sad and upsetting feeling to it and nowadays I can see where they came from because both I Was Really Sad when making it, and i think even when i was trying to draw something Sweet it felt lacking in a way i didnt know how to bring forth. Because at that point in time I was just barely branching out into the idea of altering character's appearances and maybe going for something with thinner lines, but i'd flip flop between high and low effort art because being Sad and being told your art made other people Sad was sort of not very good for the productivity of your art and often made me put in as little effort as i could, since i didnt see a reason to really Do A Lot if people were just going to react negatively to it

amnd while i dont personally think my art is like, where it Could be for how long ive been drawing (12+ years now. ACK) whenever I hear that people actually like my art now and they see nice things in it and that it gives them positive funny emotions instead of negative ones, it really like makes me recognize that maybe I have developed and maybe whats best isn't to have the most like, ''developed'' style in terms of like, doing all the Cool Artist tricks like rendering and cool color palettes and these epic emotional comics with paneling that rival professional comic makers.

I think i can be happy with where I am now simply by knowing that i no longer have to hear the words ''your art is depressing'' as the highest compliment I can get, and instead hear things like this where my art has a positive influence on another person in some way. It's very small, but words like this really do mean above and beyond for me, and this response sort of rambled away from the topic but im saying all of this to say a big thank you anon for enjoying my work and for being very kind about it, your words will stick with me for a very long time

[mooncalf87]

tw vent

I just feel like I'm so stupid???? Idk. I've been depending solely on a tv show for my source of happiness which is pretty pathetic imo. I don't have any friends other then a girl online who is a decade older then me, and probably feels obligated to talk to me because I constantly message her (thank you for being there for me and putting up with me if you're reading this P) . I am homeschooled and only leave my house once a week. I am home alone for 10 hours a day and when my mom does get home she usually just goes to sleep. My anxiety is so high that I constantly shake and my hair is now like 50% grey even though I am 14 fucking years old. I use a ridiculous amount of red hairdye to cover it.

I just feel so lonely too??? I want a girlfriend so bad, someone that actually wants to cuddle with me and give me kisses and listens to me, but the only person who was ever willing to date me broke up with me nearly 2 years ago and just came out to me as straight (we were a wlw relationship) and my irl friends (who barley talk to me) have both been going on about their valentines dates and shit. Its so pathetic that I'm so upset that i give somebody a sappy box of chocolates and a valentines card.

I know why more about drugs and stuff then I should at my age due to reasons I am pretty sure it is illegal to discuss on a public website. I am just a kid but I don't even feel like it anymore, I really wish I could just be 3 again, before my parents got divorced and we lost the house. I have moved 8 times in my life so I've had to leave all the neighbor friends I ever made. I am so tired of everything smh

My dad scares me so bad but all he wants is a happy relationship with me but im terrified. All I can think about is when he slams doors. I'm afraid he is going to call me a backstabber again like when I was 9 and wanted to go home.

Sorry for the rant :(

[araveninthedarknight]

A new Character in the Story chapter 3

This is going to be kinda sappy, and we see a bit of an out of character Yasushi, but it is important to the story, and well....I have to write him sappy because it is what my brain demands, that he get some sappy moments.

WARNINGS: Small mentions of fights/voilence, Teasing from two to three people in a playful way, swearing and out of character peoples. Sorry, I don't make the rules here, my head does -\_(-v-)_/-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 3:

Bobby sat on the roof top, it was peaceful since he had started the day with an early morning coffee and heading to the school with Kyoshi. He had let the blonde mohawk wearing teen go to his friends, getting some much needed space to get his feet under him and take a breather. He had a lot on his mind after admiting the previous night to Kyoshi what had really happened with him and how he showed up. In that time he bacme like a brother to Bobby, and for that the other was greatful, the world seemed a little less scary knowing he had one person for sure by his side. "Kyoshi told me I could find you here." A deep voice states, jolting the almost 16 year old out of his thoughts with a jump, he knew just from the voice is was Yasushi, and that had Bobby's heart racing and his palms sweating. "O-Oh hello Yasushi, yeah...Im just hanging out here for a while before it gets too crazy." Bobby only manages to not stutter slightly and feels a lump in his throat, his crush smelled so so good, like versace man au frechie, which was one of the artificial red head's favorite designer cologne smells. "He told me what happened last night to you, the fight on your way home.How are your knuckles and nose feeling?" Yasushi had no clue why he was asking the teen before him this as he sat down on one of the old tables across from the couch, his heart just called him to do so.

"A little sore, but I'm alright. Its really all thanks to Kyoshi for saving me though...I am not the best fighter to be honest. Mostly had been a goody two shoes for my life until last night, though it was a rush." Bobby admits, his cheeks flushing at the attention the boy with the braids was giving him and he knew he would be done for had he found out the real reason Bobby came to school with his best friend. "You seem deep in thought, what is it?" Yasushi asks, deciding that if his friend was close to him, he would try to be too, though it would mostly be done under the hidden daylight when others from the school's gangs had no clue, like now for example.

"You would never belive me if I told you. I got lucky that Kyoshi didn't call the authoraties and tell them I was deranged...But if you really want to know..."He drug out the 'L' in really and heaved a heavy sigh, the air thick with tension,"I was watching the high and low movies.. this world is a movie world typically...And it was stormy. I was charging my phone when a lightning bolt lit the sky purple and a surge of electricity zapped me, I woke up on the roof top here at Oya, scared and confused but trying to convince myself it was only a dream.The fight last night was what really set it in for me that I am well and truly stuck here and that this is all really happening. You don't have to believe me, like i told Kyoshi..I sound nuts to most people but I would never lie about something like this and risk being sent to a hospital.." Bobby lets his voice trail off, fighting a new batch of tears out of his green eyes, glasses atop his head with their clear frames ever comfortably sitting in lucious red velvet tendrils styled in a shaggy mess.

"You don't sound crazy..Your voice and eyes say it all and I will help keep your secret until you are comfertable telling others. If that is ever what you decide to do. Do you have a place to stay?Have you had any issues with anyone here today?" Yasushi feels protective surges bubble into his heart, making it hard for him to breath.HE was becoming the bottle blonde's worl faster than either knew what to do with, but he still had a tough persona to keep up.He was Yasushi after all.

"Wait, do we look like this in the movies or are we diffrent in that world?" He was curious to see if he was any diffrent from his movie counterpart in Bobby's old world.

"No, you were all the same as you are here, I always stupidly enough found you to be the most handsome in all of the movie. And thinking that the mohawk was what was wrong with Kyoshi's girlfriend struggles honestly." Bobby said the last part louder than the first, but at the close range where they could feel each other's breath fanning over their faces, Yasushi had heard it all loud and clear, and he felt himself turn a shade of pink, the boy he seemed to be developing feelings for had himself had a crush on Yasushi before they even met,paths seemingly meant to cross and time standing still for both, eyes interlocked in a comforting gaze.

"Well, Im glad you think I am handsome, and for the record, I think you are handsome too. You remind me a bit of Todoroki, but you are honestly much cuter and much more likeable already. We will be butting heads much less than he and I tend to do." The long blonde haired teen had a sly smirk glazed onto his lips, he wasn't teasing the red head perse, mostly just being honest but also flirting. A throat clearing broke them from their talk, a glaring Todoroki causing the hearts of both boys to lurch to their throats in worry, the leader looked unhappy, and neither team wanted to be on his bad side ever in their lives. "I don't think he meant that in a bad way, I promise you.. He just means he can't see you as anything other than a class mate." Bobby pipes up, making sure to keep his voice firm again, much like the day before, sans crowd luckily for him, he hadted crowds.

"Yasushi, if the two of you date ever, I can't promise that I can controll the other factions of Oya, but Bobby, you will have your hands full if you two enter a relationship. It is really quite a hassle to deal with this knuckle head." Todoroki says, almost as if to assure the youngster that he could trust him, even though his newest friend and love intrest potential just chucked a throw pillow to the leader's face. "Shuddup dodoroki!!" The normally deep voice whas high pitched and whiney, showing just how much that had gotten under the skin of the long honey blonde's thoughts. He was being ebarrased in front of the newest member and a crush of his by a long time school mate and he was willing to risk a fight to show his annoyance to him in such a physical way.

"Yasu, calm down, it's ok..He didn't mean any harm by his words, you don't have to be embarresed at all. I think this side of you is rather cute and refreshing, and I know it won't make you weak, you deserve to love and be loved too." Bobby says softly, a small and shy smile with hopeful eyes shining like gems under the morning sun, all but confessing his own love to the teen that sat on the table in front of him, knees barley brushing and breath's still mixing in close proximity to each other.

"And stop throwing these nice pillows, I don't want to have to replace them, they make the school look less dead. You guys need a good touch up here to callm your asses down,Fuckkkk." A chuckle errupts from the bottle red head's lips, the cherry chapstick creating a soft area for a smile to form even larger than the frist, he decided to be bold and send his crush a wink, knowing that this would have all happened in the time between the last episode of the tv show and the first movie, so he could take a risk here and there, though he had no clue what he would do when they got to the movie part of it all. But that would be an issue for another day he decided, one when everyone knew and had gotten a better grasp on the issues at hand. There was sure to be more fights to come their way, and Bobby wanted to be ready, "I need to find someone who can train me now though, I want to be ready for the nxt fight to come this way, and so I can better defend myself."

"I will personally train you myself then." Todoroki says, a hint of a smile dancing across his face.

[in-my-feels-probably]

hi! congrats on hitting 1k! <3 could i request Fred Weasley (romantically) please? I chose him because of his personality mainly, just that i really like his personality and find it really attractive

my name is Elodie (she/her), i didnt know if i had to include it or not but i thought so since i like that its quite a unique and rare name

i've got quite long, wavy, blonde hair (down to about the top of my waist) and green eyes and i would say im somewhat tanned

i absolutely love anything history related, i can name every english monarch, almost every single thing that happens in the tudor dynasty and i know so many greek myths and could talk about the ancient greek every day life, mythology or theatre for days tbh. i love going to museums or art galleries and could spend hours in them, i usually drag my friends around them with me as well

i get high grades, usually top or second to top of the class, i wont lie i do usually need academic validation

i love classics, romance and fantasy books sm, some of my favourites are heartless, six crimson cranes, circe and macbeth

pink is def my favourite colour by far

i love slow burns that dont drag on too long and allow time in the story to see the couple happy n stuff and soulmate tropes, they always feel so sweet, i love movies like that - my favs are howls moving castle, little women (2019) and cinderella (2015)

sorry if this was too much, i didnt really know how much you'd want so i just included all that, tysm anyways! <3

hi!

thank you for participating :)

i wouldn’t consider fred a very academically inclined person. it’s not that he’s bad at it, he just think there’s better use of his time. muggle studies is really the only version of history he’d get, and he probably wouldn’t pay much attention to it. so while he probably wouldn’t be that fascinated by history, i do think he’d hyperfixate on things a lot. so he’d think it was really cute when you’d ramble about something you found interesting, and he’d listen to you with a smile on his face even if he wasn’t personally interested in whatever it is you were talking about. he’d also really appreciate that you listen to him ramble on about whatever he’s interested in, so he’d always want to return the favor. i actually do think he’d find mythology interesting. and he’d use any excuse to go to muggle london with you and let you drag him around to the museums and galleries. he’d also sit with you while you studied, despite being bored out of his mind. but he knows how important to you it is, and he wants you to he happy. and plus, it wouldn’t hurt him to get a little studying in too.

i don’t think he’s a reader either, but i do think he’d actually really enjoy the classics and epics. something tells me he’s a sappy romantic, and i do think he also would love the adventures. and he really likes you, so he would really love laying with you while you read to him. honestly, i don’t think he’d really mind what you did together, as long as you were with him.

despite him not really paying attention to academic things, i do think he really pays attention to things that matter to him. he’d notice the little things about you, and all the things like and the things you don’t like. it’s really sweet, he’d show it in little things. when he started developing products with george for the shop, he’d keep you in mind.

one day over the summer, he’d invite you to the burrow. at night, he and george would set off a case of fireworks they developed. the last one would explode into giant pink hearts that twinkled.

you’d smile, watching them sparkle in the sky. “pink. i like pink.”

“i know that, darling,” he’d smile, throwing an arm around your shoulder. “i picked it for you.”

“you did?”

he’d smile, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “i did. contrary to popular belief, i do notice things. i knew you’d like it.”

“i do,” you’d say, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“you gonna help me with the next batch of products? i need your smart little brain, george isn’t cutting it.”

you’d chuckle, nodding. “of course i will, love. only if you don’t use any of them on me, though.”

he’d smirk, shaking his head. “no promises, darling. no promises.”

—

thanks again for participating! hope you liked this :)

[skoulsons]

hi. So I have nearly 90 drafts that have piled up over the course of about 3 or 4 months, so I guess I’ll start posting them now 😭 I haven’t really read over this or checked it and I think I wrote it at 4am, so I’m sorry if it loses any coherency

(Headcanon?? or im just down bad) but like, joel’s “if somehow the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment, I would do it all over again” being the way he tells ellie he loves her is so incredibly profound to me. Love (WE’RE TALKING PLATONIC) isn’t a feeling. People act like it is, which is why so many people fall out of it. Love is commitment, serving, and choosing them every single day. It’s in your actions. Their entire story shows this. Even in the little things, like joel teaching her how to play guitar. But even in the greater things. Ellie keeping him alive all throughout winter. Sure, she needed him to get to the fireflies, but I think winter goes deeper than that. This is post-ranch argument. The ranch argument (and joel taking her back while they’re sitting above Jackson) and joel finding her with David are *their* moments. The moments when we see, okay, they are stuck together now. Even once they reach the fireflies, that’s not the end like we thought it would be a few hours ago. They’re going to stay together. Joel saying “I’m never gonna leave you again” to her in that silent moment immediately after he finds her after David is such a….I can’t think of the word oh my sjdhdjd but like their relationship is kind of solidified(?). Like their solidifying moment of “we’re with each other now”. And I think winter shows Ellie’s deep, profound love for Joel. Giving him literally all the warmth and as much as comfort as they could have (yes he was dying obviously just shhhh), probably nearly starving herself to make sure he got the majority of food and water she was able to get. She did that for weeks while he was knocking on deaths door. And joel, while she was just a job at the beginning, has still protected her from day one. And obviously his big moment of action that showed his love (no matter what way you view the end of the first game), was him saving her from the fireflies. He could not bear to lose another daughter, so he killed doctors and soldiers and everyone in his way to save her life. NOW to tie back to my first sentence in this whole spiel. I do believe they’ve both loved each other for years now, and I think it was always an understood thing between them. Joel’s love definitely never faltered through those last two years, though I’m sure you could argue Ellie’s did. Or didn’t, I don’t know. But it wasn’t something they ever said to each other. At the time of their porch conversation, tensions are very high. Ellie is still upset from the dance with Joel’s intervention, and she’s still giving him the cold shoulder bc of his lie. I think a lot of things go through his head when she says “I should’ve died in that hospital. My life would’ve fcking mattered. But you took that from me”. I think one thing is, and something I probably would not have controlled, is her saying her life would’ve mattered if she died for the cure. If I were joel I would’ve spewed about how she does matter and blah blah blah sappy stuff ynow. But he’s walking on thin ice here. He knows she feels betrayed. He knows they’re not how they used to be. He knows he can’t just say anything because he may upset her more, and that’s at the top of his list of thing he does not want to do. And so he waits a minute and tries to collect his thoughts and what he wants to tell her. He thinks of something that, while it combats everything she just said to him, also holds a lot of weight of their relationship and why he did what he did. I genuinely think that him saying this is just “I love you” in its purest, most raw, emotional, profound (I’ve said this like 7 times im sorry it just f i t s) form. If he said “I love you too much to let you die���, that would’ve scared her off. But he gave her something that she needed to hear and to start to understand why he did it and how he STILL feels, even after everything. And sometimes I wonder if the “I would do it all over again” refers to just the hospital, or their entire journey as a whole. Either way, I think it still tells her enough.

-And so she tells him she doesn’t think she’ll be able to forgive him and it BREAKS him. The thought of losing her, or not so much losing her, but never getting their relationship back to birthday level camping trip highs, kills him. His breath is shaky immediately. But then she tells him, maybe she could forgive him. But not that she could, but that she’d LIKE to try. She WANTS to get back to that birthday level camping trip high of the relationship they used to have. As hurt as she is, she misses it. He’s (I believe, personally) the most important person in her life, even if at this point. She wants to get back there as much as he does. And he starts to break more. Because now, there’s a chance, though incredibly small, that he COULD get her back. And that is more than enough. It could take years, but he’s happy with it. He’s thrilled to know that, even after everything, she is willing to try. Can you imagine early tlou2 if it were different and we got to see a cutscene of Ellie asking joel if he wanted to watch Curtis and Viper 2 that night? The smile that would’ve come to his face?

ALSO I FORGOT TO GO WITH THE LAST CHUNK OF TEXT.., him singing future days to her I think is also such a big profession of love. They’ve been in Jackson a few months and they’re living a “normal” lil family father-daughter life now. Not out every day fighting for their life. They get to settle down. And obviously his attachment to ellie has been going on for a while, but them being like,, they’re glued together now. They’re WITH each other. Joel’s adopted her ok ive talked to Neil druckmann myself I know things. But joel signing this to her is just so incredibly special. He loves her so much. I literally sat in my bed last night and was full on sobbing bc the degree that his love goes for her is beyond my comprehension. Every time I think about I CANNOT wrap my head around it. It’s so insane to me. But he loves her so incredibly much. He got a second chance at fatherhood and refuses to lose ellie, under any circumstance as we’ve seen, even if the rest of the human race was on the line, he can’t lose her. Now obviously as I mentioned above, we never hear the “i love you” sentiment actually said between either of them, but we see it in their actions. All their actions throughout the games, even the little things. And I think what joel says on the porch is as much of an i love you as you can get, i think I’m singing to her is just as much as well. He could’ve sung ANY song he knew on guitar, but no he picked future days to show her how much he loves her. “If i ever were to lose you, I’d surely lose myself. I believe, cause I can see, our future days, days of you and me” (yes I cut some lines out) BUT LIKE???? GDKDHDK but not even just talking about the lyrics or the fact that they show exactly what joel is trying to say, it’s also that this is the song joel uses to introduce ellie to guitar. To introduce her to something he 1) promised he’d teach her and 2) it’s something he LOVES. it’s just so,?:?!&,)?:,;@($ i love their love I love their story I love the little things I love overthinking about them

[theadventuresofsteven]

lmao im leaving so im not alone

I guess this is like one of those “oh no i went for a walk through the past and now im feeling nostalgic” moments (insert ‘bruh’ sound effect). It’s not healthy for me to keep coming back to this website that reminded me of everything that I was when I was young. Maybe the memories that I missed with people that were significant in my life (cough cough @dreamcowboy) were the main factors that I would remanence about the past. But the reason why I missed the past so much was because now that I’m an architect in Hawaii and being a full ass adult is terrifying, this concept makes me feel like Atlas carrying the burdens of the world. Except the “world” in this metaphor is alcoholism and chronic masturbation. It got to the point where I would run to past experiences since, although not all of those memories were great, they were at least comforting and familiar.

 Replaying moments in my head made me at least feel like I wasn’t alone and that maybe I wasn’t turning into a miserable 50 year old white man that day drinks because their wife has an opioid problem and that Frank from HR didn’t just tank his entire retirement pension. The past was always a place in which I could come back to if the world was too harsh to handle. But the more I went back to the past the more I realized this weird contradicting feeling that would creep over me. The feeling that even though I was running to a time when I felt not alone, it only made me feel even more alone. Well, bud, that’s cause I could always return to a place that no one inhabits anymore. You know how in Mario 64 you can jump into those lil paintings and the mario guy goes “yahoo its mario time”? Thats what it felt like. But when I would come back I was still just mario and those adventures were just memories. 

(Bro that fucking mario analogy gave me a fucking aneurism i think my irresponsible bad habits have fully killed my brain cells)

So i’ve decided to stop running to the past and move forward where everyone else is. Maybe that way I won’t feel this constant impending dread. 

:^)

So why even write this whole thing? Who do I have to prove this shit to? Well honestly it’s like one of the last places where I can still see what Dri (if you still go by that) is up to. So this is the part where I kinda directly just address you (hehe sorry bud but it has been like 5 years). 

I know I fucked up a lot in high school and I know I was a terrible partner to you and put you through some of the most heinous shit. I definitely shouldn’t have dropped off those things at your door but honestly since seeing that post you made about how much I fucked up your life I thought that one last throw of “hey im sorry man i hope we can be square” was a good idea lol. 

I know you definitely don’t want to ever hear from me every again cause I was terrible to you, but to me it’s not that simple. You were legit a huge part of my life and you were actually the first human being that I could look in the eyes and say without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I know I didn’t show it but also I was a hormonal teenager. Looking back at every other person I’ve ever been with they really were just extensions of the personality of you that I always loved. 

But i know I’m pushin this shit too far or whatever. I really wished that we could’ve kept in touch but i know that doing so wouldn’t have helped either of us so I guess after 5 (6?) years i’m gonna try and stop going back and reliving moments that we shared. (sappy i know but hey my understanding of love is litterally based off of Television and Movies so don’t blame me, blame the Adam Smith and his invisible hand).

I really wish the best for you and your family (hope your dog is doin well :^) ) and I’m truly sorry for ruining things between us. I’m gonna stalk your page more to read those poems you wrote about me one last time before I finally log off this cesspool of a website lol. 

Take care, Dri. 

Yours Truly,

Changqi

[columbiancaviar]

i miss disneyland so much

long story short my family would go every four years growing up. last time i went was right after my wedding, because we had the trip planned then my husband and i decided to get married quickly

the last trip it was just my parents and sister

(inserting a read more bc i rambled sorry lol)

which is totally fine and i'm so glad they had fun, but damn it was hard not to feel left out

we're planning a trip for 2026 with all of us, my parents and sis, me, my husband, and my kid, but i just feel bittersweet that i had to miss probably the last "family" disney trip with us four and to know that i could have had a shorter period of time between trips but just couldn't afford it

i'm not even that into the disney movies but disneyland is just such a nostalgic happy place for me, i feel so light there

no worries about real life at all, you truly can just release everything and just have fun like a kid all day and collapse in a comfy hotel room at night.

that will be one perk of finally having my husband and kiddo come!

with my family we always got a room with 2 beds and a fold out day bed. parents got one bed, sister who had spinal fusion surgery gets the other bed, and i get the daybed.

but next time, it'll be same configuration but my husband and i each get our own queen bed and my kid gets the daybed hehehe

if i'm paying for the damn grand californian then i want an actual bed lol

sorry to ramble about this, i'll probably add a read more because i doubt anyone cares lol

but i'm high and it's late and im on my period (4 days after i ended my period already??) so i feel emotional and sappy

i'm just so excited for this trip, it's finally like an actual thing that we're planning and budgeting and saving for, and i finally get to show my husband all the stuff i've told him about so many times, all my fave spots, and my kid gets to see cars land (he is autistic and Tow Mater is his FAVE) and he gets to go on roller coasters which he loves and I'm just so excited to share the magic

ok that's all i'll shut up now

[lovemikage]

okay so. fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you —

first off such a sexy graphic. 10/10 no notes. bachira please hit my line.

another thing is i didn't do the commentary style for 9-16 but that's because. i don't know. it was so eloquently done and i really felt reader and i may have cried a little bit and so it feels a bit crass to start threatening to shoot you in the head for that. as someone who went through similar things so early being in reader's headspace and seeing bachira there for them really made me weepy. you capture childhood nostalgia and the voice so well too ): it's beautiful. also. miki-chan froyo mall birthday outing sounds so fun .... hello ....

okay. here we go. sorry.

“Who are you? An impostor? A shadow clone?” Bachira grabs your shoulders and shakes you lightly. “What did you do with my uptight best friend?!”  

this is so cute i'm going to rip my hair out. no notes i just thought it was adorable.

“That’s basically half right? Doesn’t that mean this is gonna make us super drunk? Ohh, think I’m gonna throw up in your room? I haven’t done that since we were ten!”   "Please don't throw up in my room."

okay yeah i giggled. mind your business. bachira please don't throw up in my room i have emetophobia

“I was doing a good job not trying before this,” He mutters. You rub his back soothingly, smiling a bit. “Gosh…don’t be so sappy like that randomly. It’s bad for my heart!”  

okay well him being so cute and adorable is bad for my heart. so what fucking now.

You don’t talk about it.  

WELL CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT PLEASE.

You figured he would have another day or two like that as is, so when he texts you again that he’ll be meeting with some Bluelock friends, you’re content to let him go and not tag along despite yourself. As much some whiny part of you wanted to monopolize him completely (an omega part of you, you can admit) you feel it’s more important for Bachira to nurture his newer relationships on his own.  

reader being jealous is so real. why r these men monopolizing MY bachira time. hello. they get him every day!!! damn!!!

“You’re not intruding! Even if you were, I wouldn’t really care.”  

this is so cute. this is so cute i'm gonna rip his head off and taxidermy it to put it in my room forever HE LOVES US!!!!

It’s a little funny how different he seems. They all seem, really.  

no bc i really do think about this all the time. especially isagi. i think he'd unsettle me so bad bc like okay youre such a sweet boy but why r u turning into fucking thanos on the field omg ...

“Why are you deciding for me?” Sasaki cuts in, making you shoot her a very sharp glare. “Shouldn’t you at least ask?”

SASAKI U R SO ME. imagine ur out w ur friends n u see these hot ass guys and ur friend is like "no sorry we'll leave" WHO IS WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE????

He’s extremely friendly for an alpha, and you’re sure another omega would be foaming at the mouth at how polite he is.  

it's me i'm the other omega (im also this omega but that doesn't matter right now). hiiiii boy who looks like a girllll

Your turn to look confused. “Sorry? But Bachira is enrolled in it no…?”  

oh no

Isagi stares at you. “Uh,” He scratches the back of his neck. “Bachira is an alpha, though? Like, a pretty strong one too. It’s hard to tell from his scent from what I hear but he’s prescribed the really high dose medications that the other alphas take. Part of the rut management and everything.”  

OH NO. also wow omega discrimination within blue lock ..... i think we should shoot ego point blank with a sniper rifle as punishment. and like psychologically torture him first.

“You’re a nice girl, huh?” Isagi says, voice tender and easily sensing your sudden distress. It makes your lip wobble. You want to cry into a strangers arms even though you absolutely can’t. “I’ll scold him for you.”  

need isagi to be my boy best friend i think. like not in a romantic way i just think he'd give a really nice albeit awkward hug when i'm crying. "i'll scold him for you" sniffles

“I’m sorry,” He’s crying. You want to open the door and comfort him so badly but shame stops you. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry - it’s all my fault. Don’t hate me, please don’t hate me.”  

AHHHHHHHHHHHH. AGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. hey fang what if i killed you

“Please don’t leave me,” He whimpers. You wince.  

no becase. because because. because. bachira i'm sorry i don't want to but we are currently in our doomed by the narrative era and that means we must suffer a grave miscommunication until four years in the future

“Come over when you have some time. I brought ingredients for your favorite. We can go pick up a cake together, too. I bet you’re too busy studying and forgot to make plans, right?”  

my favorite milf ever. i'm so sorry ma'am i will be sobbing into that cake thinking of your son

okay part one end. this shit is mad beautiful dawg. i fucking love romance. literally pulled me in like i'm watching a damn show. agh.

ANOTHER WORD FOR HOMESICK (I WANT TO SAY YOUR NAME AGAIN) | M. BACHIRA

☼ tags ; omegaverse, afab + fem!omega!!reader, alpha!bachira, childhood friends to lovers, established reader backstory, coming-of-age, romance, mutual pining, implicit sexual content (virginity loss to an oc), explicit sexual content ft. bonding, knotting, penetration, oral (f!recieving), fingering, praise, lovey dovey dirty talk, petnames (mostly baby) 18+

++ notes: readers appearance is mostly non-descript but they are shorter than bachira and have several piercings and a tattoo which are explained in story.

☼ content warnings ; lore applicable sexism, sexual harassment of reader as a minor (details in authors note, explained further in extended authors note), lore applicable homophobia, implied bisexuality + referenced mutual queerness queerness, underage drinking, heat / estrus as a symptom of puberty

please thoroughly read content warnings and tags before clicking read more.

THIS IS PART ONE. CLICK HERE TO HERE PART TWO.

☼ ao3 link | extended authors note | fics for gaza

☼ wc ; 16.4k / 33.2k

☼ a/n ; sorry for the incredibly long wait. as always i got extremely carried away. but cheers for fujoneet reader coming after this! written as part of the @ficsforgaza intiative

as mentioned above, there is a scene in this part of the fic that has reader experiencing their first heat as a minor omega during their heat.

they are being sexually harassed underage. if you find this content may be too triggering to you - the scene starts at the the [ THIRTEEN ] subheader and ends indicated with ***.

☼ synopsis ; you can't decide on how you feel about alphas, but your resentment or discomfort around them grows stronger over time as an omega who presented particularly young

maybe that's why you feel so devastated upon hearing the news that bachira, your childhood best friend, had been hiding his alpha status from you your whole life.

PART ONE: MAY THE BRIDGES I HAVE BURNED..

[ NINE]  

A car speeds past you when you turn the corner. Too fast, you watch it skid to a stop at a red light and feel your face grow flush. You tuck your chin into the collar of your coat, cold numbing your senses.  

The mailman is at your door by the time you walk home. He smiles courteously and hands you the mail directly when you approach your front gate. You bow to him politely before taking it, the cold making your eyes water.  

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” He says. Nakamura oji-chan has been running mail to this route since you were a little baby. Mama said he has a grandchild now so he works less hours. You’re glad to see him. “You’ve grown so big. What year are you in now?”  

You hold up four fingers. “Fourth year. I’m nine,”  

“You’re growing up well, then huh? That’s good.”  

You’re not tall enough to reach the kitchen cabinets at the highest height and still losing baby teeth but other than that you think it’s pretty okay, so you nod. He laughs before turning to leave, and you make sure to stand in front of the door before he goes to be polite. 

You shuffle through the mail as you walk inside. Warm air makes your face tingle. There’s two letters for you today. They’re addressed to your parents, but they’ve got your name on them so you think it’s okay to call them yours. One letter is from the hospital, but there’s another one too.  

You don’t know what it is. It’s in a separate black envelope with a raised seal along and government postage. There’s some stuff for nii-chan and mama - plus some coupons that papa gets from a subscription service.  

You announce yourself loudly once you’ve looked through it all. Only papa’s brown shoes are in the rack which means he’s the only one home.  

 Slipping your shoes off, you slide your feet into brand new Doraemon slippers and prop your bag up against the couch in the living room before finally hanging up your coat. Your tummy rumbles after you regain feeling in your fingers, and you decide the nap can be pushed back till after snack time making your way towards the kitchen.  

You make sure to take the mail with you. Mama always tell you to leave it on the counter so she can take a look when she’s home. You’re good at remembering this.  

Papa is working at the dining table when you come in. He works on a fancy computer from home some days. He smiles when he sees you, bright eyes pointed toward you. You decide to hand him the mail directly.  

“Hey, sweetie.” His smile is soft. Ripe oranges sit for you on the counter, cut evenly on your favorite plate. Papa nudges them towards you with a smile. Quickly, you run to wash your hands and sit adjacent to him upon return. You start snacking on your oranges, wondering if he sliced them for you or just to eat. You sit folded up in the dining room chair as papa pats your head per routine. “How was school?”  

You look down. “It was okay. We learned about praying mantis bugs. My friends thought they were scary but I thought they were cool, at least a little…” 

Papa sits and waits for you to say more expectantly. You shrug, unable to think of anything more to say.  

“They are, aren’t they? They’re really important to our eco-system.” Papa says. You nod. He starts to explain more to you about praying mantis bugs and you do your best to listen even as you feel your eyelids start to droop. You get sleepy early in winter because it’s dark so fast.  

Even though you’re not listening too closely, you notice papa stops talking half-way through a sentence. You peek at him through your lashes. He’s holding the special envelope from before. Papa is very quiet when he reads it.  

“What’re you reading?”  

His eyes go wide. You wonder if papa is also tired, since he seems so surprised you’re there. His brows are furrow - putting the letter face down on the dining room table. He’s silent for a long time, though you don’t fuss to ask again. 

“We got some important news in the mail,” Papa says quietly. He seems a little different somehow. “We’ll sit down when and talk about it when mama gets home, okay?”  

“Am I in trouble?”  

He smiles at you like normal this time but he still seems a little sad. “Not at all sweetheart. It’s just an important talk so I think we should be all together. Is that okay?”  

“Yeah, that makes sense.” You tell him, looking down at your lap trying to figure out what to say so he stops seeming sad. “It’ll be okay, papa.”  

Briefly surprised, he smiles again, using his hand on your face to pull you close to him wet kiss on your temple that you take in stride. You’re glad he seems to feel better. 

“That’s right, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”  

_ 

When mama comes home, her and papa sit and talk for a long time in the kitchen. They send you to nii-chans room. Predictably, he turns you away when you knock on his door and goes down to complain to your parents. You think that whatever happened must be more serious than you thought, since he comes back up and lets you sit in his room without complain upon return. 

 Nii-chan rarely invites you to do things with him by yourself, so you’re surprised when he invites you to his lap so you can watch him play games.  

Mama always says he’s just going through a phase when he’s being mean. You think that makes sense. You’re happy when he’s nice, though.  

After a while, papa comes to get you. Him and nii-chan talk in whispers about something and take not-so-subtle glances.  

Papa starts to explain a little to you as you go down stairs, holding his hand. He squeezes it tighter than normal. 

“Do you know what an omega is, sweetheart?”  

 You nod. You’ve got a vague understanding at least. Nii-chan is an alpha, papa is an omega and mama is a beta. It was hard for mama and papa to have you, so they consider you both miracles.  

“Well, today, we got news about what you are,” Papa says. He tries to smile. “And you’re an omega like me.’ 

“Oh,” You say. You look up at him as you walk down the stairs. “Is that bad?”  

He shakes his head when you ask, but strangely doesn’t end up saying no directly.  

__  

After you find out you’re an omega, nii-chan walks you to school for a few weeks.  

You find this to be very strange for several reasons.  

For one, nii-chan doesn’t really like school and he doesn’t seem to like spending time with you either. He started going this year, you think - something mama had said about getting his life sorted. Either way, he clearly doesn’t want to be going at all.  

So, it doesn’t make sense when he starts accompanying you even a little. 

“I can walk to school by myself,” You say, not really meaning anything by it. He stares down at you. You aren’t sure why he’s so mad. Nii-chan always seems a litle bit mad at everything. You wonder if all alphas are like that.  

“Don’t be annoying,” He says, harsh. You bite your tongue and turn your gaze to the sidewalk under your feet.  

“I’m not being annoying,” You clutch the straps of your bag, because you’re not. He’s the one who suddenly decided to walk you, which makes him the more annoying one. Plus, he’s always causing trouble at home anyway, not you. 

“Didn’t they explain to you that you’re an omega?”  

You look up at him confused wondering why it matters. He stares at you for a long time, and even gets angry again before scratching the back of his neck. His hand comes down to the top of your head and you flinch, expecting him to mess your hair up but he pats it instead.  

“Stupid brat,” He sighs after that. You huff but try not to let it show. “Worry about yourself and shut up.”  

__  

[ TEN ] 

 There’s a playground near your house that’s a few minutes walk. It has a rusty swing set but a nice slide. Most importantly, there’s a patch of concrete you can jump rope and draw on. You like going there most of all with Miki-chan. Not today though. Miki-chan is out of town to visit her granny in Osaka. 

Nii-chan offered to take you but you usually refuse him. It’s not to be mean, but just because doing things with nii-chan always makes you a little sad.  

He’s moved from home now, but you still feel weird when you see him since he hasn’t liked you all this time. Mama tells you not to hold it against him - and that you’ll understand him better when you’re older. You hope that’s true. You try not to hold it against him.  

But it doesn’t mean you want him with you at the park.  

(You feel especially dejected when nii-chan acts cold to you but you can’t be sure why. Papa says it probably has something to do with your hormones, since nii-chan is an alpha. Something about packbonding. You don’t quite get it.  

It’s starting to feel like every problem you have is because of being an omega, but you try to keep that thought to yourself so you don’t make papa sad.)  

You bring your jump ropes and chalk along with you. The sky is half-blue, half-grey. You wonder if it might rain on your way there or if it’ll be blue and warm all over by then. You like the rain, but you’d prefer sunshine today so you can draw with chalk.  

You think of things to do. You’ll sit on the swings first then jump rope, thenn draw. Or maybe it will rain and you’ll have to run home. You hope you didn’t jinx yourself.  

Your neighborhood is small so you know the names and faces of all the kids there. Even the little ones who are in the grades beneath yours. Mama tells you it’s important to know your neighbors. You aren’t really trying to remember for that reason, though. It’s more like it bugs you not to know. You’re always like that.  

Papa uses the word meticulous to describe you. Meh-tick-you-lus. It’s easy to say but hard to spell. 

 (Nii-chan says you’re just acting like an omega when you do things like that. This makes your parents upset, especially papa. You never take nii-chan seriously when he complains though. He complains about everything.)   

When you arrive at the playground, there’s a boy on the grass playing with a soccer ball by himself. You’ve never seen him before. He’s got big wide-eyes and a shock of yellow hair underneath which is super cool. His hair is long, just a little shorter than yours and he even has bangs. You wonder if he’s an omega too, since you’ve only seen omega boys be that pretty.  

Your heart beat fasts. It’d be nice to make a new friend, though you’re a bit unsure what to say. You’re a little nervous to approach him but you reason it’d be stranger not to.  

“Hi,” 

The boy stops playing with his ball, doing a trick to kick it up into his hands. He’s cool. Or at least very interesting. His eyes are bright, dark brown with a touch of yellow like his hair. You wonder if grows like that or if he’s allowed to dye it. He stares at you for a long time wordlessly. You shift your weight on your feet. 

“Hi,” He says back.  

You smile.  

“What’s your name?”  

“Bachira,”  

He asks for yours and return and you give it to him.  

“How old are you?”  

“I’m ten,”  

“Really? Me too,”  

“Do you know how to play soccer?”  

You shake your head. “My nii-chan plays it sometimes at his school, but I dunno how. I prefer jump rope. I can do some tricks with a jump rope.”  

He lights up when you mention your nii-chan plays soccer, eager to ask you about it. “Is he good at it?”  

“I think so,” You reply honestly. You ended up going to a lot of games when you were little. He used to practice lots in your backyard too and stayed after school. The memory makes you a little sad “He wanted to play it more but he got hurt. We went to a lot of matches when I was a baby. He has some trophies and stuff.”  

“That’s so cool,” Bachira gushes. You shrug because you don’t really feel like agreeing. “Do you think he would play soccer with me?”  

You shake your head dejectedly, eyes cast to the ground. “Probably not. He barely plays with me so I don’t think he’d play with you.”  

You feel a little bad telling him that given he seems so excited, but it’s true. Soccer or not. It’d also be a little unfair if he played with Bachira, you think. Bachira visibly deflates.  

“Oh,”  

“It’s okay. I don’t think I’d be good at soccer but you can tell me about it.” You say, because Bachira seems fun to be around. He doesn’t seem interested but you go on. “The thing you did with your ball earlier was cool.”  

He lights up again and you smile softly. “Really? I know a lot of other tricks, too. I’ll show them to you!”  

You nod. “Okay. I’m gonna draw on the concrete while you play.”  

You sit on the nearby patch of concrete and set your jump rope besides you as you open up your box of chalk - all brand new. You came in deciding to draw a cat or bunny, but decide to draw a soccer ball as a peace offering to your new companion.  

“Okay! But you have to look up when I tell you or you’ll miss my tricks.”  

“Sure,” You tell him.  

As soon as you sit down down to draw, Bachira starts talking a mile a minute about soccer. He took your words to heart it seems like. You think he must really like soccer, maybe even more than you like jump rope and you really like jump rope. But you don’t mind listening to Bachira talk. He kind of reminds you of Miki-chan, who also talks a lot. It’s good since you prefer not to talk much.  

“So the tricks and cool stuff you do with your feet is called dribbling?” 

He brightens at the fact you put it together without him saying “Yeah!” following it up with “You’re really nice.”  

Your brows raise in surprise as you shake your head. Embarrassed, you direct your gaze down towards your lap.  

“Not really. I’m just normal.”  

He doesn’t say anything else, just grins as he keeps going. You decide to keep drawing instead of talking, listening to Bachira ramble. He tells you to draw for a while he practices his tricks, so he can show you the best ones and you agree without any hassle.  

You look through your plastic box of chalk, smiling as you choose a color. You decide to draw with dandelion yellow.  

__  

Bachira brings you home to meet his mom after he runs out of tricks to show you.  

On the way there, he tells you more about her and himself. She’s his only parent, and she makes art so he thinks you’d like meeting her. Mama usually tells you not to follow strangers, but Bachira doesn’t feel like a stranger. He’s your friend and you find you really like him.  

When you get there, Bachira’s mom seems very happy to meet you. She’s pretty and smells like paint. She asks you if you know your parents numbers, since they might be worried about you disappearing and you give it to her, even though you know you’ll get scolded.  

It takes mama and papa twenty minutes to come over. Mama scolds you about doing something dangerous by yourself. You tell her it wasn’t dangerous because you were with Bachira and you really like Bachira.  

They don’t scold you again after you say it. 

__  

(Bachira becomes apart of your daily life as easy as breathing. Despite going to different schools, you always walk to and from school together after meeting. You’re close friends, maybe even closer than you and Miki-chan who you’ve known since you were a baby.  

Bachira always comes to pick you up anyway, and you walk home from school together every single day. He always has one hundred things to tell you but you like to listen to each and every one. You like how much Bachira has to say about everything.  

On the way home, you play rock-paper-scissors on who’s house to go to. You like it best when Bachira comes over, but if nii-chan is home, you normally go over to his. Sometimes, you wish you went to the same school. Being with Bachira is always fun.  

It’d be nice if you could be together all the time. You think if you were always with him, you’d never be bored. You wonder if it’s too much to hope Bachira feels the same. ) 

__ 

“So, you’re an omega?”  

Bachira and you are playing in the yard today. Your room is getting renovated. According to otou-san, it should’ve been done a while ago to accommodate your nests but it’s getting done now instead. You’re in the backyard with a book, staring up at him as he joins you under the shade. It’s the end of summer break and everything is too hot.  

You look at him. “Uh-huh. Otou-san is too.”  

He stares at you for a long time before joining you in the grass. You feel weirdly self-conscious of the space he occupies next to you. You’ll be eleven soon enough. Bachira drapes his head in your lap as you sit, staring up at you. You don’t bother moving him. He’s always like that.  

He puts his hands up and shades his face from the sun. His eyes glow yellow gold just like always.  

“Does that mean you like alphas?”  

The question is embarrassing somehow. Makes you feel weird because you can’t answer right away. You cast your gaze away and shrug, pretending to read your book but finding it hard to focus with Bachira’s eyes on you.  

You read in a book that alpha and omegas fall in love most naturally. Sometimes they like betas. But you’ve always felt sure you like omegas, and you don’t want to lie to Bachira so you don’t.  

“I don’t know,” You say truthfully. “I’m supposed too,”  

“But do you?”  

You can’t answer him right away. You scrunch your nose and think of nii-san, the only alpha you know personally. The idea of dating someone with any similarities to him troubles you, even though you know he’s not a bad guy. You shake your head.  

“I don’t know. Alphas are too much,” You say after some time. That feels like the right choice. Sometimes, you see older kids and alphas and they all feel that way. “And they’re scary.”  

“Then what about omegas?”  

That feels easy to answer. Bachira stares at you intently and you flush, turning away and covering your face with your hand. “I like them…they’re pretty and smell nice.”  

“Hm,” Bachira says. His expression is hard to read. You make a face at him, head tilted asking the same thing. “I think I might like alphas. I dunno though. I don’t know what I am,”  

A pang of disappointment makes your chest ache but you bury it and smile at him. Just barely, corners of your lips lightly upturned. “That means we’re opposite.”  

“But in a way it means we fit together right?” Bachira says, same as usual. Expectant. Content. Like it’s not a big deal at all. You nod and cast your gaze down to your lap again.  

“Yeah. Right.”  

__  

[ ELEVEN ]  

Fifth year students have special lessons for secondary sexes, before a secondary health examination.  

In your fourth year, you learned about the characteristics of your primary sex which is most important for betas. Most people are betas, so you guess it makes sense they spend so much more time about it. Still, it’s a little surprising how little your teacher really discusses…anything at all.  

You try to pay attention to the lesson but keep tuning out, finding it boring and most of all - not very useful. Otou-san had this conversation with you already. It’s not anything new.  

You don’t mean to sound like a know-it-all of course, but with the way otou-san quizzes you on it, you’re pretty sure you know more than most of your classmates and maybe even your teacher. 

You find your teacher leaves out a lot of important details about alphas and omegas, though you don’t feel you can or should correct her. During your lesson, you start to understand why Otou-san insisted on making you learn at home.  

Reflecting on it, you think being an omega is a hassle. Sometimes it seems scary. Most times though, it just feels inconvenient. When people find it out about you, they always act like they know you. But they only know you’re an omega, so you doubt that’s true.  

 Your first heat hasn’t come yet since you’re on lots of medicines but you get all the same growing pains. New, tiny fangs are already forming in your mouth and your scent is stronger than most kids your age. Your body is already changing, growing and you have to get more check-ups than other people.  

 Okaa-san says that’s normal. That you’re normal. But it doesn’t really feel that way. You notice otou-san never uses the word normal, only says that you’re perfectly healthy. 

 You wonder if it’s something so strange that you’re teacher can’t discuss it. If your disposition is something so offputting. Omega’s are uncommon but not unheard of, right? So why does everyone seem so hush-hush?  

You don’t know how to explain the feeling. It’s lonely. People know you’re an omega, but you don’t even know what that means. Don’t know what it means to feel like an omega either. But supposedly it dictates so much of your life.  

You keep yourself from sighing as to not disturb your class. The led of your pencil snaps from pressure as you write in your work-book.  

__  

[ TWELVE ]  

You return to the classroom early after health examinations.  

It’s the start of the sixth year of your elementary. Most people are finding out their secondary sex for the first time today, but since you already know yours - you’re given a pass to go back and read quietly in the classroom until it’s over. Some people have already developed with strong, obvious scents but getting the official results require a medical check up.  

You want to linger a little more so you can talk with all of your classmates but your P.E. teacher shoos you out of the room before long.  

After you change out of your gym clothes and back into your uniform, you traverse down the hall and take the long way back. It’s April. The sun is out, peeking through the leaves as warm shades of spring bloom outside your schools windows.  

The hallway is unusually quiet. You try to keep your steps light so the hall monitor doesn’t write you up for making noise and causing a disturbance.  

You haven’t been able to shake the strange feeling since morning. Such an important day, met with anticipation - but you exist entirely outside of it. You almost feel noting towards it at all.  

You’ve known you were an omega for nearly three years now and you’ve already heard rumors about you in relation.  

It is isn’t all that important to you. But it is, at the same time since it seems important to other people.  

Maybe it’s because you already know yours, but it makes you kind of uncomfortable to hear how your classmates talk about it.  

You’ve never liked talking about being an omega, even though it’s not a secret. You pretend not to hear them when you’re in earshot but you always do.  

Omegas are weaker, more annoying, too emotional. The only thing they have is attracting alphas, and most people want an alpha to take care of them. Alphas are bound to be successful, and they’re good at sports. It’s great that they have easier chances of seducing them and betas, too. They’re easy and weak so naturally an alpha will want to take care of them.  

You’re used to hearing it, and rarely bother to correct them no matter how wrong they are. Sometimes, you want to point out to them you’re one of those things at all - but then, you wonder if that makes you weak and emotional so you never do. You’re not weak, nor annoying, and you rarely show your feelings to anyone.  

You can’t make sense of whats expected of you and why your classmates laugh you off when you mention you like omegas, either. You’ve always preferred omegas and their company. They’re comfortable, understanding, easy to be with and smell nice.  

There’s something exhausting about the idea you need to be with an alpha. All of it is tiresome. You can’t help but get the impression that from here on, it’ll only get harder to deal with and you don’t want that. You don’t want it to matter. You just want to be yourself.  

Lost in thought, you arrive at the classroom. One of your friends seems to have arrived at the same time. Your heart skips a beat at the sight of her.  

Akemi-chan is one of your good friends. She’s beautiful. She has long, straight hair and cut-across bangs and always smiles. There’s a mole under her eye and her scent is ripe and summery like peaches. She smiles when she sees you.  

She’s so pretty and she stands to close to you - an arm around your waist with a comfortable laugh.  

“Guess what!”  

“Did you find out your secondary sex?”  

She grins, brightening several degrees. “I’m an omega. And,” Her voice drops suddenly. “Chiyo-san is an alpha!”  

“Ah,” Your voice drops.“Did you like Chiyo-san?”  

She nods. “Now that I know she’s an alpha, I like her more, I guess?” 

You try not to look sad, and try to quiet your heartbeat at the way she shows you affection she wouldn’t had you not both been omegas. She doesn’t pull away from you despite knowing you like omegas, so you still feel grateful. Akemi draws her cheek against yours gently. Scents you in the way friends do with her wrists.  

You nod listen to her. The listless melancholy of whats forward draws your attention outside.  

You notice storm clouds coming in as Akemi looks alongside you. It feels different.  

It feels a little too early in spring for such stormy rain.  

__  

“I didn’t get the results of my secondary sex exam,”  

You’re on your way home back from school when Bachira blurts this out to you. Your eyes widen slightly in surprise, turning to look at him so you can understand his feelings better. Given how quiet Bachira’s been today - you figured something was wrong.  

You look at him, unsure of what to make of it.  

“Does that bother you?”  

Your question surprises him in return. It’s not unheard for people to present later. It manifests in everyone eventually, even betas. You don’t remember all the terminology though it has something to do with a specific hormone.  

Bachira thinks on your question before looking down at his shoes. He shrugs. “Mm. Dunno. Guess it just makes me feel even more different.”  

You think about what Bachira seems to go through at school and feel your heart tug. That makes sense you think.  

You shake your head, with new and sudden resolve. “I think it’s fine. It kinda makes sense. I got mine early so you get yours late. We’re always like that, right?”  

You hope the attempt to comfort him reaches him. When you look over and see him smiling, you feel unimaginable relief. The world feels more colorful when Bachira smiles. He pauses in the middle of the street, throwing an arm around your neck with a grin that feels like himself again. 

“Yeah. Right.”  

__  

[ THIRTEEN ]  

You can’t tell it’s your heat right away.  

 A fever breaks along your skin in a cramped train car. sweat clinging to your skin underneath your middle school uniform, a heat rash making your whole body itch. The noise around you becomes static, cottony as your heart starts thudding against your ribs.  

Your ears are ringing. Time slows down around you as the speed of the subway seems to double underneath your feet. Your knees buckle as you try and hold yourself upright as the intense and unfamilar feeling of desire violates your senses. Too intense for your body. It doesn’t feel like you. You’re not in your right mind.  

 It’s too early. Most people’s heats don’t come for another year or two at least. You feel so unlucky as the pain flares, mixed with something burning between your legs.  

You try to focus your thoughts elsewhere. You take the same train home every single day at the same time. Plenty of students take it, but clubs keep you later than most. 

Bachira often comes with you just like he has today, so you focus on him. His middle school is a short-distance from yours so you try and walk home together when you can. A small promise that means the world to you. If you can’t go the full way, you always meet up at the intersection and walk the short distance together instead.   

You focus on Bachira as he stands next to you. He’s watching a game of soccer on his new phone, turned sideways with a single headphone in. You watch it over his shoulder. You try too. Your skin scorches, hot like something crash-landing through the atmosphere as a tension grows between your legs. Sweat breaks out around your collar and the small of your spine. You feel out of your body - floating just outside of it. Your neck throbs, scent glands suddenly aching. Both wrist and neck, all of you—aching.  

You can barely make any sense of your surroundings anymore. Your breathing is erratic as you grip onto the metal pole tight and try to make sense of your surroundings. You want to hold out until you can get to a stall. You’ve had a plan for this for as long as you can remember.  

You just need to keep it together until the train stops.  

There’s a man behind you. You don’t notice him until you do. You’re still wearing your uniform - short skirt rolled up to combat the heat of the season. A calloused hand reaches underneath the fabric. You think it’s an accident until it sticks between your inner thigh. It slides up slowly, getting closer to where it shouldn’t be. Your breath hitches. You shiver. Your body is hot.  

“Are you an omega?” An older man, the one behind you murmurs. His voice is crass, grating and dark against your skin. Your stomach twists with fear as your gaze freezes you into place. Unable to find your voice as he touches you, you try not to recoil. Disgusted at your body reacts to the involuntary arousal that spikes in result of it. He’s an alpha. The acrid, overbearing nausea of an alphas scent drives itself into your center like a stake. You hate it so much it’s unbearable but every is so hot.  

You have no control. Over anything. You’re terrified and barely there.  

Fear makes you jump. Your conscious mind slowly loses its grip as you feel your skin dampen with increasing heat, skull throbbing. Your heat is coming and it’s coming fast. You breathe heavily in a pant, trying to ignore the sensation. Trying to ignore everything, just to drown out the oppressive scent of alpha invading your lungs as you tuck your chin.  

“You’re a little young to be presenting like this. Having your heat on a train like this,” His voice weighs down on you oppresively. Your heart is so loud, clamoring noisily behind your ears as tears prick at your eyes. His hands go further and further and you flinch. Brushing where you don’t want to be touched you jolt.  

our jolting makes Bachira look up from his phone.  

“Are you trying to tempt an alpha?” 

You’re not very conscious. You’re disgusted. You know this is normal but it feels wrong. You feel wrong. The horror is grounding in it’s own right. Fog clouds your mind, makes your senses sharp. You feel split at the seams. Fighting with your own consciousness, you can’t think of anything except trying to suppress your instincts. But it’s painful, so painful - and something sticky is running down your legs. It’s not you, it’s your body. It’s violating.  

Your instincts want an alpha. Your body wants something you can’t understand to the point it aches inside of you, aches between your legs and makes you want to throw up. 

Before the man behind you can get any further, your shaken awake by the sound of him practically shrieking. Bachira appears in the corners of your vision.  

You’ve never seen him so angry.  

You can see his hand reaching behind you. Your eyes gloss over as you stare at Bachira. The hand touching you is gone and you feel immediate comfort. You ground yourself in the warmth of his eyes. You try to find his face amidst your tears. 

“Bachira-kun,” Your voice is a whimper. You tuck your head against his shoulder. “I’m scared, I’m so scared, it hurts,”  

He stiffens and then his voice comes. It’s soothing, sounds just like him. High and soft. He hums a lullaby to you like nothings wrong. When his hand rests on your lower back, it doesn’t make you feel like crawling out of your own skin.  

“It’s okay,” He whispers. “It’s safe. You’re safe. I’ll protect you, promise.”  

It’s weird to see him this calm. The loud Bachira you know is never so poised, but he holds you steady. You whimper as he pushes you against his scent glands. He smells sweet. You huff it involuntarily. Bachira doesn’t tell you to stop.  

When the train comes to a slow, you let him move you through the station and take you to the bathroom. Your knees are weak. He’s not the type to worry but you’ve made him so concerned.  

He opens a stall and sets you gently on the toilet. The cool linoleum sobers you enough to look at Bachira. His worry, his concern, his care. You whimper.  

“Hug me,” You practically beg. He hesitates, clicking himself into the stall alongside you as you let yourself drape around his waist. It’s not very different from how you usually are, is it? Bachira is always so affectionate, yet it feels so different.  

 He rubs the scent glands on his wrist on your neck.  

Above you, Bachira is on his phone. Your brain is too hazy to make the details, but you think you hear your fathers voice on the other side of the line.  

“Ji-chan will be here soon,” Bachira says. You clutch the back of Bachira’s uniform. It’s the first time he’s ever felt so broad. “Don’t worry.”  

“Meguru. Thank you,” You say in a half-sob.  

“Anytime,” He says, his voice small and high and so familiar. “I’ll always protect you. Promise. No alpha will touch you again.” 

*** 

__  

The reality of your first heat should be what you expect. You know these things happen. Otou-san has told you to be cautious everywhere you go for the last four years without fail. 

 But when it happens to you, it’s the first time you feel resentful about your secondary sex. Anger towards your body first, for not being able to control itself. Angry at the world next, for making you feel as if it’s your fault.  

You grow averse to alphas in the after math. You try not to be. You try not to let your discomfort show and try not to become the sort of person who makes judgements on secondary sex  - but for a long time, just the thought of being around them makes your bones chill.  

The only thing that keeps you from being all negative is Bachira. His anger for you when discussing that day is enough to ease the burden. Bachira bears your hurt like its his.  

You start calling Bachira, Meguru when you call him after he stays with you during your heat. It’s the last bridge of closeness to cross - the last barrier between you. He calls you by your first name too, sometimes a nickname if the mood suits him.  

You find yourself so thankful to be his friend some days it makes you want to cry.  

You find yourself even more grateful when he tells you he’s an omega. It comforts you. You think, he’s too good to be an alpha and too goo to be with one but you never tell him. It’ll happens someday and you think you’ll be sad.  

But for now, you’re happy being by his side a little while longer.  

__  

[ FOURTEEN ] 

Miki-chan invites you to celebrate her fourteenth birthday with a visit to the mall.  

There’s a huge mall a little over half an hour away from Chiba that she’s been dying to visit since forever agp. Her nee-san takes all of you in her nice car, even letting you spend money on her card within reason. She’s a lot older than all of you, twice your age with a big girl job in Tokyo. She’s stylish and kind and always has fun nail designs because she works for a famous fashion magazine.  

Otou-san has also given you an excessive amount of pocket money after you told him about your day-trip. You really weren’t planning on getting anything, but you’re glad to have something in case Bachira wants to make a purchase.  

You’re stopped in for frozen yogurt, following Bachira as Miki-chan and another mutual friend, Sasaki-san wait for you to come up front. You watch amusedly as Bachira piles his frozen yogurt with more toppings. You’re pretty sure he’s not even going to finish it.  

You peer at his cup from over his shoulder, watching him pile gummy bears onto his already loaded cup of frozen yogurt, wrinkling your nose in distaste.  

“What flavor of froyo did you get this time?”  

“Sea salt chocolate. For balance,” He says, dead seriously.  

You smile involuntarily before brushing past him, spooning yogurt chips into your own cup. You get different things depending on your mood but always keep it simple. Since it’s hot and humid, you’re getting a coconut flavor with shaving, yogurt chips, fruit and strawberry sauce and sprinkles for good measure.  

“You’re too much,” You move past him and wait for him to finish up at the counter. “But if you’re happy,”  

“I’m always very happy. I have no place for sadness!” Bachira replies.  

You give him another crooked smile, turning to where Miki and Sasaki are chatting.  

“I’ll pay for Meguru-kun,” You announce. His frown is instant. 

“Eh? No way, I brought money though? That’s why I put so much stuff,”  

He’s pouting. You wonder if all omega boys are that cute naturally or if it’s just Bachira.   

“Buy something with it later.”  

He pouts, swallowing his complaint as he knows it’ll fall on deaf ears.  

“Fine,” He huffs, placing his alongside yours on the weight. The cashier gives you two a knowing smile that you miss as she rings up, sticking a color-changing spoon in each before passing it back along with your change. “I’ll get you back for this.”  

You don’t say anything as you watch the weight counter.  

“Over one thousand yen…. you’re such a glutton,”  

“I’ll split it with you as thanks,”  

You make a face of disgust that makes him cackle as you both sit down and join your other friends. Bachira drags his chair to sit as close to you as possible, fully inserting himself into your personal space per usual. You eat a spoonful of your frozen yogurt, unconcerned. Sasaki stares at you for a bit. Your eyes meet and you tilt your head in confusion but she turns away.  

“Miki-chan, is there anything else you want to look for?”  

“New shoes, maybe.” 

You glance at her then shake your head. “Pick something else.”  

“…Okay. Thank you in advance, I guess,” Miki-says with a laugh. You smile a little.  

You look over at Bachira who’s very enraptured in his fro-yo.. You lick your thumb as reach over and wipe the corners of his mouth - stained with chocolate.  

“You eat like a kid,” Fondness unmistakable in your voice.  

He shakes his head sagely. “Eating something delicious is supposed to make you eat like a kid, you know? And we are kids. This is what it means to be free citizens of the world! Of this great nation!”  

“Uh-huh. I’ll take your word for it, but clean your mouth at least.”  

Bachira looks at you with smeared mess of chocolate, worsened by another sugary bite. “Why should I worry about it when you’re here to do it for me?”  

You give him flat look. Despite yourself though, you use a napkin from the middle of the table to wipe his mouth off. Miki scoffs at you both.  

“If you’re too spoiled, she’ll get sick of you,” Miki-chan says bitterly.  

“She’d never get sick of me. You on the other hand,”  

You shake your head as the two of them hiss at each other. You’ve been friends for years and they still argue. It’s hard to say they’re oil and water. If anything, they’re so similar it baffles you why they don’t get along better then they do you. After a minute of glaring, she  sighs and goes back to thinking of her shopping trip.  

“Well if shoe’s are out of the question, maybe some new earrings. Oh! And we should get you some makeup you can wear at school.”  

You shake your head. “I told you I’m not interested.”  

“You’re wasting your beautiful omega looks. I won’t allow it,” Miki pouts at you even as you shake your head. “I promise it’ll be easy stuff. I just think it would look nice on you.”  

Bachira doesn’t even look up. “You’re pretty the way you are.”  

“Don’t say something that embarrassing,”  

“It’s not embarrassing if it’s true,” He voices, sing-songy. His insistence only worsens your frown.  

Sasaki glances between you again, you think. It’s too brief for you to catch but the weight of it lingers even when she pulls her gaze.  

“Please? Just a little? I’m buying it for you so it’s fine right.”   

“I know you said you want to practice on me but it’s not just that, right?”  

Miki smiles at you, coy. “Eh… maybe? I want to max your potential more like. You’re not seeing my exquisite vision but I will make you.”  

You shake your head, and sigh - pretending to be more troubled than you are. “Fine. We’ll go after. I want to go to another store too. For stationary,”  

“You’re too much of a bookworm. Boring. Nerd!” Bachira says automatically. 

“The one time we agree on something,” Miki replies.  

You frown at both of them. “It’s important that the world has boring people. How else would we have laws?”  

“Even you thinking about laws is so boring,” 

You shake your head, displeased.  

Conversation flows more steadily between you, Miki and Sasaki. Bachira tunes out, draping himself all over you once he’s done eating. He fidgets with your hands, resting his head on your shoulder. You adjust so you can eat while letting him.  

“Pee,” Bachira announces abruptly. He stands up, arms over his head as his shirt slides over his belly, exposing skin. “Need to pee really bad. Pee time,”  

“Do you want me to come with you?” You ask.  

He looks down at you and smiles widely before shaking his head. “Mm, no. I’ll be fine. I can do it by myself. I’m no longer a kid!”  

You give him a raise brow in reply to say can you? that makes him stick his tongue out. You chuckle at that. “Go pee then. Don’t get lost.”  

“Yes, ma’am!”  

Bachira does a salute before scurrying off to find the closest bathroom. Sure that’ll occupy his time, you smile to yourself as take a spoonfuls of your melty frozen yogurt - careful not to spill any as you put in your mouth and go back to conversation.  

Sorry about that. What were you saying, Sasaki-san?”  

She stares at you for a long time. “Are you two… like… together?”  

You blink.  

“Sorry?”  

“You and him,” Sasaki reiterates. Besides her, Miki snorts.  

“What a good question,”  

You shoot her a unimpressed look. “Ignore her. No, we’re not.”  

“What?” Sasaki says. The genuine disbelief shocks you a little. You’re used to Miki teasing you but not this. “Seriously? Even though he’s like that?”  

“Oh, what? Like touchy?” You reply, starting to understand. Miki interrupts you.  

“Don’t bother, Sasaki. It’s a lose cause.” She shakes her head.  

“Again. Ignore her,” You emphasize, shooting her a glare. “Anyway no. We’re just childhood friends and he’s always been sort of clingy like that.”  

“With everyone?” Sasaki says pointedly. “Or is it just because it’s you…?”  

You pause.  

You’ve never… considered that. You rarely have time to feel overly conscious about what Bachira does or doesn’t do with you. In the first place, he’s not the sort of person that’s easy to predict. He’s got more quirks than you can keep track of but all of it is Bachira. It makes no sense to question his idiosyncrasies this far in. There’s nothing he could do to make you think of him differently. Bachira doesn’t have many friends outside of you to begin with.  

 You blink a few times, considering it. “No, I’m…sure it’s just with anyone he feels very close too,”  

“But to that extent? He was letting off his—“  

Miki shoots her a look and shakes her head. You catch it but find yourself unable to ask, lost in thought. Too hung up on what feels like the edge of an epiphany.  

There’s a long bout of silence until you shake your head.  

 Even if it’s only you, it doesn’t make a huge difference. 

“Bachira is only interested in alphas,” You reply, remembering. Sasaki seems surprised by that for some strange reason. “It really doesn’t mean anything,” 

Before long, Bachira returns to the table. He takes as long as you predicted, but you find you’re a little relieved to see him acting the same. He drops down and places his chin on your head, waiting for you to look up at him.  

“Didja miss me?”  

A sweet, familiar scent. A soft, high voice. A wild look. You look up at him, reassured by your own reminder of his sexuality. You grin mischievously.  

“Not at all,” You say with fake nonchalance. He gasps.  

“Rude!”  

Yes, it’s fine. Still the same old Bachira.  

__  

[ FIFTEEN ]  

“Oh,” You can’t mask the surprise in your voice as your older brother sits at the dining room table. “Nii-san.”  

Your oldest brother has recently started at a real office job. It’s closer to your childhood home then his apartment, so some nights if he’s too exhausted - he’ll drop in and sleep in his old room. It’s rare you come across him though, since he’s usually home and asleep as soon as it’s night time.  

He must’ve come from the office. He’s still wearing his dress shirt and tie, though he has the suit jacket he wears to the office laid over the back of a dining room chair. You try to get used to him looking like that, but the version of him most strongly in your head is all the years he spent as a delinquent.  

His straightened out appearance is unusual for you no matter how often you come across it now. You mostly keep in touch through socials and sparse texts, and he sometimes calls you. His hair is dyed a natural color now and he only has his piercings in on days off. The few tattoos he used to show off are now well hidden under his clothes.  

But his manor and demeanor are largely the same when he’s relaxed. The way he spreads out when he sits makes him look like the average delinquent. The familiarity of it is comfortable albeit funny.  

“You’re home late,”  

“I had student council,”  

He taps his fingers against the table, a silent gesture for you to sit.  

“You’re in student council? Since when?”  

You shrug, setting your bag down to join him in the kitchen. “Since school started. I was roped into it,”  

“Then are you in other clubs?”  

“I’m in a volunteering club. We help the elderly and read with younger classes and help out around school.”  

He pinches the bridge of his nose, tipping his head back. “We’re complete opposites somehow…” 

You purse your lips, faintly amused as you open your fridge up. There’s more pudding then when you left in the morning, but you decide against asking as you take one and open a drawer for a spoon. “You were already skipping class and stuff by then, right? I remembered because you and kaa-san used to argue while I was doing homework.”  

“You heard all of that?”  

You open the plastic peel off lid and dip into the flan-like texture, nodding indifferently as you sit in the dining room chair across from him. “Uh-huh. Kinda hard not too.”  

“It didn’t scare you?” 

“Nah,” You tilt your head. “You glaring at me whenever you saw me did though. A little.”  

His eyes go wide before sighing. “Sorry. I was a knucklehead back then.”  

“It was fine. It made me a bit sad but I’m fine now. And I hope you don’t hate me any more?”  

He gives you a half-hearted laugh, still feeling guilty. You’re mostly teasing. Nii-san has only grown increasingly over protective, though you still don’t know what he’s thinking. He also gives you allowance now, which is nice.  

He leans back. “Nah, course not. How could I hate such a good kid?” 

He reaches over to pet your head as you eat your pudding, giving you a smile you can’t really read. “Your birthday is soon right?” 

“Uh-huh.”  

“Got any plans?”  

“I’ll probably drag Meguru-kun around to the bookstore.”  

He makes a face at you. “That brat,”  

“Don’t call him that.” You frowb. “I don’t get why you hate him so much anyway.”  

“Because he’s always hanging around you and he’s—“ He shakes his fist aimlessly, unable to find the words. They’ve had arguments with each other for as long as you can remember. “Whatever. Fine. Just. Don’t marry him,”  

“He likes alphas,” You say with ease. He looks at you incredulous, before shaking his head.  

“Sure. Even if that changes don’t marry him. Don’t date him either. Settle down with someone nice,”  

“No offense, nii-san but that’s not really a lecture I wanna hear from you,”  

“See? He’s already rubbing off on you.”  

__ 

“Huh? The two of you already broke up?”  

Bachira lays on your bed on his stomach while you sit at your desk, his legs swinging up in the air. Predictably, he’s watching videos about dribbling on his phone.  

You haven’t seen him in a few days but it makes sense that he wouldn’t have heard about it. Your relationship with Inoue wasn’t very public to begin with, at least not on her end. Aside from that, you always got the impression that things would turn out this way.  

You’re sure that your own pessimism and detachment is part of the reason. 

You busy yourself with the derivatives taunting you on your graphing paper, making an affirmative noise. “A couple of days ago,”  

“Ehhh? Wasn’t she totally clingy with you, though?”  

You shrug indifferently. 

Inoue-san was the only other omega in your grade who likes other omegas. There’s rumours about Suzuki-kun who’s a second year and some other third years you don’t really know. Of them, Inoue was the only one you knew personally. You sit next to each other in class and joined the same clubs coincidentally.  

A conversation in the club room making flyers devolved into one about secondary sexes and sexuality. Eventually, you landed on the topic of being an omega. You commiserated about it then, shared some words of camaraderie about the social woes of being the perceived weaker sex and became a little more comfortable with each other. You aren’t sure what thread of conversation exactly led to the talk of you both mutually preferring omegas.  

Inoue-san confessed too, that unlike you who couldn’t figure out what you felt towards alphas, she knew with some certainty she didn’t like them at all.  

Another few weeks of friendship and the steadily closing distance between you, one thing led to another. Inoue-san confessed to you first in a sort of abrupt and out of the blue way. It was a semi-impulsive decision to date her, but you thought she was pretty and nice. A puppy crush worth something, a youthful love affair.  

So after summer break, the two of you started dating.  

It was a short lived relationship. A break in routine. You dated for three months and broke up just this last week. The first month of your relationship was nice. You ate lunch together and texted a lot. The second month you went on dates. The third month had been fine for a little before everything seemed to rip at the seams and fall apart.  

Inoue-san was nice to be with when you were alone. In the sanctity of storage rooms or her childhood bedroom - where there were no eyes to leer at either of you, she was everything you liked about being with an omegas. Soft skin, pretty eyes, an intoxicating scent that made your brain go alight when you touched her. She was comfortable to be with during your pre-heat, easy to touch and hold and caress.  

It made sense to be with her in the way you always thought it would.  

Fundamental differences in your feelings about being omegas in a relationship would appear sooner rather than later though. You’re sympathetic, which is why you don’t think you’re as hurt as you should be. 

“I kinda knew. In the back of my mind, I guess,” You click the end of your pencil to push out more led, scribbling out some more numbers. “She always avoided crowds. Seemed paranoid about people finding out in general. So I thought it might be something like that.”  

“You don’t seem very sad,” Bachira points out. You give him an amused smile from the corner of your eye.  

“What kind of best friend would want me to be sad?”  

“Nooo,” He whines at you, tossing a stuffed toy at you that you reflexively duck a way from. “I was just worried about you, jeez. Plus, I didn’t really like her, you know?”  

There’s no way you couldn’t have known. Bachira being hesitant towards people in your life isn’t anything new. He’s never been fond of any new friends you’ve made, always openly jealous and always asking for assurance that he’s still your number one. Sometimes he’d go as far as doing it in front of them, which you reprimanded him for.  

Sometimes.  

You roll your eyes. “Oh I know,”  

He grins. “I was being so nice this time,” He pouts, rolling onto his back with his arms crossed over his chest. He turns his face to your bedroom wall instead of you. “You should praise me. I wasn’t even mean to her face! Not once,”  

“Pfft,” You laugh behind your hands. “Yeah, good job. Still, I didn’t think Inoue-san was that bad. She didn’t do anything to me,”  

“She was ashamed of you,” Bachira says. It’s weird. A strangely serious sentiment that makes your eyes go wide.  

“Not of me,” You correct. “Of us, maybe. I think she was being sincere when she said she liked me but I mean. I get it. It’s not something I go around telling people either, though I’ve been out for a while,”  

There’s some impulse he bites down. It’s not like you’re defending her, but Bachira takes it as such and takes it personally as he does most things. You give him a small smile as you notice, so attuned to his moods. Even his petulance doesn’t shake you. Selfishness comes as naturally to Bachira as breathing.  

“I wouldn’t be ashamed to be with you in public,” He bites his tongue again and you want to ask what could be on his mind. He’s intending the words to be lighthearted, but there’s weight there. You aren’t sure how you’re meant to hold it. “If were ever to fall madly in love with each other, I would tell the entire world.”  

You try not to let it mean anything. The numbers on your page blur together so much you have to start a problem over. It takes you a second to pull the shake out of your voice.  

“If you like something, don’t you usually tell the whole world anyway?” You say sardonically. Bachira frowns, huffs, turns his head away. His ears are pink.  

“Yeah,” He says back and leaves it there. “Usually keeping it in makes me feel like I’m gonna explode into a million little pieces. Bleh,”  

He slumps back onto one side of your bed and keeps watching his game. The sound of your pencil scratching along the paper makes up for the empty space.  

__  

[ SIXTEEN ] 

On the field, Bachira shines brighter than any star in the night-sky.  

You’re the only one here for todays game. His mom usually comes to whichever one she can, but she has an important exhibition on the other side of the country today. Bachira didn’t show any disappointment about it. You’re not sure how he feels but you doubt it affected too much.  

When it comes to soccer, he becomes completely single-minded.  

The soccer Bachira plays is a reflection of him. Golden yellow and free, like a shade only he can color with, that touches everything and makes it shine in its path.  

The Bachira you know—the Meguru you’ve known your whole life is different when it comes to soccer. Soccer is the precedence of his entire existence. For Bachira, who enjoys being completely and entirely uninhibited, there’s nothing as freeing as the square PVC frames of a net.  

He splits his life in two ways. Soccer and everything else.  

The field are still mildly damp today. It lingers in the air, cooling on your skin as you watch him from the stands in utter awe. Rays of light spill through gaps in the thick clouds over head, shining down on the field and making each move vibrant.  

The game goes on around you bustling endlessly. Noise from all sides. Whether that be in the stands with people talking amongst themselves, the shouting of coaches, or the players talking to one another. It’s loud all around, blurry movements of team mates passing the fall back and forth make up the scene. Guarding and passing, taking each other into consideration as all team sports encourage.  

The soccer that Bachira plays is different from the soccer everyone else plays on the field. Selfish, ego-centric, enigmatic - you find that you can’t take a single breath or you might miss something. It’s antithetical how team sports are played. Eye-catching and flashy as he dribbles the ball along with his feet in a movement like a dance.  

He’s mesmerizing. Despite all the things happening around you all at once, your gaze is fixated completely and utterly on Bachira. So bright it outshines everything else, everyone else, without feeling apologetic. Without reason or rhyme, without strategy. A soccer that demands to be seen.  

This is a game with many players, but to you - it is simply the stage in which Bachira shows off his talent in it’s rawest form. Even in a place not well suited for it, Bachira shines. You’ve never seen anything so brilliant. It’s been years since you last attended a game and seen this applied version of himself.  

It’s the first time Bachira has ever felt so close while feeling so far. It’s the first time you can’t hide from him, pinned underneath the honey-viscous weight of his presence.  

He dribbles the ball between his feet and kicks hard into center stage, scores a goal so beautifully unpredictable the whole crowd roars in cheers and Bachira laughs like he’s delighted.  

You love Bachira. You realize this as he stands like a center piece in the field.  

Like the moon loves the sun. Like the sand loves the tide. Like shadows love light. Bachira is more beautiful playing soccer than you’ve ever seen him, and it occurs to you it’s taken you sixteen years to find this out.  

He’s so beautiful you can’t tear yourself away. Can’t run from the realization.  

His eyes find yours in the crowds of people, elated with his brows raised. You can practically hear him where he stands, lips curled around the words. Did you see that? Did you see the goal I made?  

You break the neutrality of your face and grin wide, uncharacteristic as you chant his name. “Go, Meguru!”  

Bachira laughs again as the game goes on. Your shining star, your ego-centric sun. Your heart is beating loud enough to crush your ribs.  

What an incredible view.  

__  

(Namikaze highschool wins that round of their inter-high bracket. The team goes to celebrate. They never invite Bachira.  

Today, though, Bachira has you. After the game, Bachira wraps you in a hug so tight it could break you. You wonder when he got so strong. His scent, overwhelming and sweet, mixes with the scent of sweat and deodorant. You like it. You hug like that for a while, suddenly aware of your lack of proximity.  

A comment Sasaki-san made about you two years ago pops back into your head but you still don’t think to let him go.  

After he showers and changes back into his usual attire, you and Bachira walk to the 7/11 around the corner of his house.  

You sit on the curb, legs out stretched. The sun is in full bloom, sky painted an pastel orange melting into pinks and blues. You hand Bachira his soda water from your bag, and split the melon flavored popsicle you bought in two halves.  

You give him the bigger half. Unusually, it’s very quiet between you two.  

“I’m going to become the best striker in the world,” He says. A repeat of a dream you’ve heard before, but said with amazing conviction. You look at him for a long time. Wet hair and brown eyes. You tuck a piece of hair behind his ear to look at him better then smile.  

“I know you are,”  

His grin brightens. “Right! Right, so when that happens,” His voice drops, feather soft. “When it happens, make sure you’re watching me. Don’t look away or you’ll miss it. ‘Kay? You gotta promise.”  

He holds out his pinky for you. Were his hands always so calloused? Were they always so big, you wonder. You look at Bachira and suddenly he seems so much older. You nod your head.  

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Meguru.” ) 

__  

[ SEVENTEEN ] 

“Come over,” Bachira demands on the other side of the line. His voice is nearly a screech. You don’t think you’ve ever heard him so excited in your entire life and that is saying a whole lot. “Come over, now. Like right now! You have too, you absolutely must,”  

You pull your bag up on your shoulders as you pull the phone away from your ears. “Jeez, jeez - alright. I just got back from my supplementary lessons, so give me a second.”  

“Are you on the street in front of my house?”  

“Huh? Yeah, I am.”  

The phone line cuts off, going completely silent as you stare at your phone in a mix of confusion and disbelief. Your fingers hover over the call back icon for a second before a tremendously loud shout and even louder footsteps sound in your ears. 

You’re too surprised to laugh as Bachira comes barreling towards you in minutes flat. You steel yourself preparing to catch him if he lands face-first, but he manages to pull back in record speed skidding to a halt. You blink at him rapidly. He feels like an illusion.  

“You ran here,”  

“Yes. I did. Because,” He grabs both of your hands and starts to tug you into some kind of spinning dance in the middle of the sidewalk. “I. Have. News!”  

“News? What about?”  

His eyes widen and shine brilliantly. “Bluelock!”  

__  

The act of disappearing requires a lot more work than you could’ve imagined.  

You’re being dramatic. Bachira isn’t disappearing. Not forever, at least. He’s just going away for a while, abruptly doing the thing that he would’ve done regardless because it’s not like he can become the best striker in the world in Japan alone. It’s something that was bound to happen eventually.  

And, it’s not like you didn’t get any warning. The letter came months beforehand. Bachira was set to leave towards the end of November, which meant he about a month to prepare. Which means you’ve had about a month to be with him.  

It’s not a big deal. You have other friends. Other people. It’s good that Bachira is going to be in a place that he can play the soccer he’s always dreamed. Even as his best friend, there’s some things you can’t do for him. It’s the happiest you’ve ever seen him, which is saying more than you ever could.  

Rationally, you know there’s nothing to worry about. Emotionally, you’ve found out that you rely on Bachira more than you thought. Even the thought of him leaving temporarily is making your heart wrench. You’ve asked him a million questions.  

It’s not like you to be so anxious about anything. You ere on the side of calm. But it’s Bachira. Your Meguru, so you can’t help but worry.  

Bachira, dense as he is about other people, sympathizes with your concerns without asking and doesn’t get mad when you answer. It’s easy for you to forget that he understands you in his own way. 

 Bachira depends on you because he cares about you and you take care of Bachira because you are about him. It fulfills a mutual sense of purpose.  

This is a normal part of growing up. You’ve been repeating it to yourself constantly. It’s not like you won’t see him ever again. You’ll see him afterwards, at least for a little while. You won’t be able to call or text him while he’s in the facility but that’s not forever. And even while he’s in there, he wants to hear about your boring life. So he says, anyways.  

Rationally, you know it’s fine. Emotionally, you’re growing a keen sense of awareness about this being the end of your so-called youth. It’s not you’re adults, but you’re not kids either. You’re going to be eighteen next year. You have to think about entrance exams. You have to think about life and where Bachira will go without you.  

Time is passing by you whenever you hesitate. Eventually, it’ll catch up to you and Bachira will be somewhere so far out of your reach. There’s no one you can think of more perfect for center stage. No one’s soccer will every shine as brilliantly as Bachira’s.  

But it’s lonely. In it’s own right. To think about how far he’ll go. He’ll dribble himself to the ends of the Earth eventually.  

At least for another week though, he’s within your reach. You have so many pictures together in your room per his request over the last few years, but looking at him now you kind of wish you had more.  

“Aren’t you wanting to practice?”  

“Ehh?” He frowns. “I can practice later. But I can’t be in your room all the time you know. I want to burn it into my brain. I thought we should do something special to commemorate but I couldn’t figure anything out.”  

You hum. A thought strikes you. It’s incredibly out of character, but maybe that’s why it does. “We could drink together.”  

Bachira laughs at first, definitely assuming it was a joke. When he realizes you’re dead serious though, he gasps, scandalized. Your lips quirk up at the corners.  

“Who are you? An impostor? A shadow clone?” Bachira grabs your shoulders and shakes you lightly. “What did you do with my uptight best friend?!”  

You laugh helplessly. “Don’t act like that. I just know where my parents keep bottles of shochu cold in the basement and thought maybe. I’ve never touched it before. It’s the weekend right? So if we get too drunk, you can sleep here.”  

Bachira dramatically places a hand over his mouth in shock. “Have you really been replaced by alien clones…I can’t believe my ears.”  

You shake your head. “Do you want to drink together or not?”  

“Ehhhh?? Of course I do!” Bachira says, absolutely enthused at the idea. “We should get so drunk together.”  

You consider it. “My parents are visiting relatives. I guess I can text and see if nii-san is coming home.”  

“Are you saying it’s okay to get drunk if he isn’t planning on coming?”  

You nod. “He’d probably be easy on me but I don’t want him to lecture you,”  

Bachira squishes his face to yours, rubbing his cheek on yours with unabashed affection. You try not to laugh. You can feel him so close, smell him so close it makes you a little dizzy. Bachira doesn’t let out his scent more than necessary, but he is now just barely - scent glands brushing against your skin.  

He smells sweet, but in a strange way. It was comforting and familiar. A little unusual for an omega given how strong it was but it’s not like Bachira is very usual in general.  

It’s a little intimate for friends, but it’s Bachira and who knows when you’d see him next. You let him do as he pleases.  

“Hurry and text your brother,” Bachira huffs, then brightens back up again. “Then lets drink! Yay!” 

__ 

You bring the bottles of shochu back up to your bedroom as a pre-caution. Nii-san is is a couple hours away for a work trip, but you can’t get over the lingering paranoia of him appearing back home and trying to fight Bachira as a result so you figure it’s probably better to drink in your room.  

You bring two glasses up with you along with juice and soda water, unsure about the taste. Bachira likes soda water as is so maybe he can use it as a chaser.  

You sit across from each other at the small table close to the floor in the middle of your room. It took a while to get the bottles open.  

You’ve smelled it before but it’s a little weird having it available to drink. 

“I can’t believe you’re drinking with me. Underage. You, of all people.”  

You pour a little shochu into each of your cups with a roll of your eyes. You’ll save the mix-ins for later, but you’re interested in tasting it on its own. You’re sure your parents have other stuff too, sake, beer and wine but you don’t know where they keep it. You read the labels of the bottle before drinking it.  

You brush past what Bachira has said. “Fourty-three percent seems like a lot.”  

“That’s basically half right? Doesn’t that mean this is gonna make us super drunk? Ohh, think I’m gonna throw up in your room? I haven’t done that since we were ten!”  

“Please don’t throw up in my room.” You say, shaking your head. “I don’t know actually. It seems like a lot. Guess we’ll just have to drink and see.”  

You shrug. You pick up your glass, signaling Bachira to do the same. He lets out a loud kanpai as you do, making you laugh a little as you bring the glass up to your lips. The scent itself sort of burns, you can’t imagine what drinking it is gonna be like.  

You watch aghast as Bachira knocks the entire glass back and nearly hacks up his lungs coughing. His eyes are wet when he recovers with a fit of laughter that he can’t seem to get control of.  

“Ahhh, it burns! It burns so much and it tastes weird. But it was easier to drink at once.” He says dramatically laughing, nearly retching in the process.  

You stare at him in disbelief before taking a sip of your own drink refusing to partake in the same foolishness. He’s right that it burns. You always heard that but feeling the acidity in your mouth is different. It feels like all the moisture from your mouth is going along with it. You try it a few more times in short sips.  

Are you some sort of masochist?  

“I kind of…” You blink. Your eyes water as you look up at Bachira. “I kind of like it…?”  

Bachira takes the bottle into his own hands that time and pours more of it straight into your glass and less into his. You’re sitting but you feel woozy. He pours soda and juice along his own before picking it up again, smiling with a friendly cheers.  

__ 

Hours pass.  

You and Bachira drink two entire bottles and talk to each other about nothing in particular. Mostly, it’s Bachira telling you how excited he is to go to Bluelock and you listening. You like listening to him. You love his voice.  

You’re not sure when exactly the distance between you had disappeared entirely. You’re used to Bachira. To his body heat, to his presence, to his weight. You know how to carry him. Maybe it’s the alcohol. Maybe it’s the drawn out feeling of loneliness making you feel self-conscious.  

You don’t know what it is exactly. But there’s something about him at this proximity you’re having a hard time with. Wrapped up together, tangled on your bedroom floor while you both reek of liquor. He smells like burnt honey and he’s… handsome. More than he is pretty, you think. Still pretty though too.  

He’s so unusual in every way. Your love for him sort of simmers underneath you in a pleasant but difficult way. You blink. Your eyes are bleary. He talks so much, but it’s the first time you really think about kissing him. The first time you wonder about how it feels.   

You’re staring. Bachira pauses halfway as you’re tucked against him and stares back, mouth curled into familiar chesire grin. He drops his voice down to a whisper.  

“What?” He says. He’s being teasing. He does that occasionally.  

“Nothing,” You say and want to shut your eyes. “Keep talking. ‘s fine.”  

“It’s not nothing,” He whines petulantly. “You’re not listeninggggg,”  

“Sorry.”  

He hugs you, an arm slipping under you and squeezing you. Was he always so strong? You figured his legs might be but there’s muscle in his arms too. “I’m not actually mad, dummy.”  

“I was sorry, though.” A beat of silence. A heartbeat. “I’m gonna miss you.”  

“Really?”  

You look at him incredulous. “Of course. Did you think I wouldn’t?”  

“You’re hard to read sometimes! Even for me.”  

You decide not to apologize again. Bachira would complain. You desperately want to tell him you love him. They’re the only words on you mind. But even this wasted, you can’t bring yourself to do something that pointless.  

“You’re the most important person in my entire life,” You opt for instead. “And I hope you find someone who can play the kind of soccer that’s fun for you.”  

Another minute of silence passes before you hear the familiar huff of Bachira crying. He cries often but he hasn’t done it in front of you for quite some time. He tucks himself against your neck and shoulder, shifting to press against your scent glands.  

“I was doing a good job not trying before this,” He mutters. You rub his back soothingly, smiling a bit. “Gosh…don’t be so sappy like that randomly. It’s bad for my heart!”  

Your own throat feels thick but you keep it down. Manage to swallow the tears away. You want to tell him so badly it’s making it hard to breathe.  

Bachira looks up after a while. You do him the courtesy of wiping his tears away with your thumb, brushing them away from his face.  

You don’t realize how close your faces have gotten until you nearly brush against his nose.  

You think the alcohol is making you hallucinate when you feel a kiss.  

Your eyes are still open for it. It’s not clumsy but it’s not smooth either. You blink. And you feel it again, and it lingers a little longer until you close your eyes and kiss back.  

You kiss him so hard it feels like you forget how to breathe.  

__ 

You don’t talk about it.  

When Bachira wakes up the next day thoroughly hung-over and much in the same condition, treating you exactly the same - you assume he’s forgotten about it unlike you. You try not to let it weigh on you by writing it off as one of Bachira’s many quirks. Maybe you’ve gotten practice at repressing your emotions better than you thought since it works perfectly.  

The week passes by easily. At the end of it, you see Bachira off along with his mom and the rest of your family who insisted on waving him off. The thought of not knowing the next time you’ll see him is painful but you manage it with the feeling you’ll see him eventually.  

Though you don’t know how long it’ll be.  

__  

The next time you see Bachira’s face is on T.V.  

It’s the first time you’ve ever sat in your living room to watch a game of soccer. You had wanted to attend, but tickets had only been alloted for family. You settled on watching at home, though Bachira’s mom had promised she would relay any messages she could from Bachira to you through text and otherwise.  

You’ve never been into soccer. Despite your many years spent along side it for one reason or another, the sport itself has rarely ever been of any interest. You’re sure this is partly to blame on the fact you are hilariously unathletic albeit perfectly healthy.  

When the U-2o match gets announced and you hear Bluelock will be playing, your ears perk up like a dog. You’re glad Bachira isn’t around to see how you announce to your entire house and tell them the T.V. and living room will be totally occupied during the duration of the match. You invite Miki-chan who pretends to want to refuse but comes over to watch anyway. Your nii-san joins you, which isn’t a surprise since he liked soccer to begin with.  

You know whats happening well enough since you’ve had it explained to you hundreds of times.  

You see several people on the screen during the match. Bachira’s team mates. Team mates he gets along with. There’s another player named Isagi on the field and him and Bachira have such tangible chemistry you feel a little jealous watching them.  

In the short few months Bachira has been away at Bluelock, you can see how he’s changed. How much his soccer has transformed and improved in so little time.  

Most of all, you can tell that Bachira is having the best time of his entire life. You can deal with the mild envy if only he gets to be that happy forever. 

The U-20 games end in a victory for the Bluelock team and several interesting characters appearing. That guy, Isagi, announces to the world that he’s going to be the one to lead the team to victory. You think to yourself that you understand exactly why Bachira likes him.  

The next time you see Bachira in person is not long after that. Apparently as a reward for their win, they’d been granted two weeks of free time.  

It was only a few months, but it’s easy to tell how much Bachira has changed. It was all over him. He carried himself with more confidence, more electricity, more buzz.  

He was still himself while being completely unrecognizable at the same time.  

You were happy Bachira was happy, elated to hear all about his life and new friends. You couldn’t keep track of all of it, but you’ve been spending the last few days attached at the hip now that he was back in your hometown.  

He’d had another day to visit friends already out in Shibuya that you couldn’t attend. Not that you really wanted too. You were happy he extended the invite but being around that many athletes and no doubt many alphas sounded like a nightmare.  

 You figured he would have another day or two like that as is, so when he texts you again that he’ll be meeting with some Bluelock friends, you’re content to let him go and not tag along despite yourself. As much some whiny part of you wanted to monopolize him completely (an omega part of you, you can admit) you feel it’s more important for Bachira to nurture his newer relationships on his own.  

And again, being around that many alpha athlete teenage boys is mildly nightmarish to you in particular.  

So you invited Sasaki to the mall to talk about this and that to keep your time occupied.  She’d started dating some guy at school and you have yet to know the details.  

You weren’t expecting to run into Bachira with his friends at the same mall.  

You catch Bachira’s eye from across the way in the middle of the mall, along with a group of boys you know to be his new team mates. You honestly think it’d be better to avoid them for now. Not that you’re not happy to see Bachira, but there’s no way this won’t be incredibly awkward for you. 

Sasaki nudges you though, not caring in the slightest at your visible distress. “Isn’t that Bachira-kun?”  

“Yes,” You hiss, trying not to be obvious. “Let’s go the other way.”  

“Huh? Why?”  

“Because—“ 

You turn around to leave but don’t really get a chance as you hear a voice shout your name.  

You flinch as you turn around. Sasaki gives you an amused look that you elbow her for immediately, feeling yourself jolt. After she makes fun of you, she holds your hand with an affirming squeeze and comforts you in a way only betas can - a soft citrus scent washing over you. You squeeze her hand back sighing, thankful as the group of boys stalk over to you.  

Bachira runs more than he walks, skidding to a halt in front of you. “Ehhh? What are you doing here?”  

“Came to gossip and walk around with Sasaki-chan,” You say with a shrug, pointedly ignoring the three pairs of eyes on you as you talk. “And buy books.”  

“I thought you said you couldn’t come,” Bachira pouts at you, giving you a pointed look. You smile lightly.  

“I didn’t say that,” You reply softly. “I didn’t want to intrude, that’s all.”  

“You’re not intruding! Even if you were, I wouldn’t really care.”  

“But you should,” You insist, shaking your head. You turn to his friends, getting a better look at them. Two alphas and one beta if your nose is right. You look at them apologetically. “Sorry about interrupting your outing.”  

The one of them with pink hair and the prettiest features you’ve ever seen talks first. You’re sure people mistake him for an omega, but his scent is too alpha like for that to be the case. It’s strong enough and distinct enough for you to identify from this distance. “Not at all. I’m Chigiri. This is Nagi,” He says, introducing the other alpha next to him. “And I figure you already know of Isagi,”  

You smile a little at that. “Ah, yeah. I do, actually.” You glance at Isagi. He’s a beta in the way he feels like the pinnacle of peace and safety off the field. It’s a little funny how different he seems. They all seem, really.  

“Stop getting so buddy-buddy with them,” Bachira bemoans. You frown at him.  

“Sorry about him,” You introduce your name first, then Sasaki. “We’re all childhood friends. It’s nice to meet all of you. Sorry to disturb your day off.”  

“You’re not disturbing us,” Isagi says serenely. You think he seems a touch smug but can’t tell if you’re imagining it. 

“You’re welcome to hang out,” Chigiri says next. He and Isagi share an unreadable but obviously conspiratorial look. Your eyes widen at the offer, shaking your head with your hands up.  

“Ah. No, we don’t want to intrude seriously.”  

“Why are you deciding for me?” Sasaki cuts in, making you shoot her a very sharp glare. “Shouldn’t you at least ask?”  

“You’re not intruding,” Chigiri assures, an incredibly disarming smile on his face. “We’d be bound to see each other again if we’re both here anyways. May as well, right?”  

You feel yourself sink, glancing at a very Bachira and thinking of the complaints you’re going to receive as soon as the two of you are alone. Your shoulders slump as you reluctantly smile, lips pressed into a flat line. 

‘That’s true. If you’re sure you don’t mind, then alright.  

__  

For alphas, you think Bachira’s friends are pretty nice.  

Nagi barely speaks, but he’s weirdly been engaged in conversation for the entire duration of you knowing him. He’s got the imposing looks and vibe of an alpha but precisely none of the aggression - at least from where you’re standing. He’s been considerate of you in his own way, especially after Bachira had announced the general discomfort you had felt towards alphas over all.  

Chigiri is similarly nice. You can tell he grew up around omegas and are not surprised at all when he informs you he has omega sisters in his house. He’s extremely friendly for an alpha, and you’re sure another omega would be foaming at the mouth at how polite he is.  

Of his friends though, you still take preference to Isagi. He is a beta through and through. Adaptable, friendly, easy going while having a sort of snark you find incredibly entertaining. Him and Bachira get along like a house on fire, but not in way that’s entire negative. You do feel a little envious seeing how close they’ve gotten in such a short period of time, but you’re mostly happy for him. Their bond is obviously special.  

The rest of your group left a few moments ago, leaving you and Isagi to a much bedgrudging Bachira. You’d gotten food from the food court but it wouldn’t require so many people to go wait so you and Isagi have been securing a spot. You aren’t sure how to be alone with him, never been all that good with strangers.  

Isagi is good at making conversation though, so you haven’t had to do much leg work.  

You end up at the topic of Bluelock and Isagi practically beams at the chance to talk about it. It’s kind of cute in it’s own right. You know some stuff about it, but the logistics have been lost on you. Bachira tends to talk about these things more with onomatopoeias than with words. 

You fiddle with something on the end of your bag as you engage in conversation. 

“How does the facility manage like… having omegas and stuff in there?” You wonder. You voiced the concern to Bachira before leaving too but he had assured you it’d be fine. You kind of feel nosy asking.  

Isagi shoots you a confused look. “Hm? Bluelock doesn’t have any omegas. It sucks but they considered it too high risk so only betas and alphas were admitted.”  

Your turn to look confused. “Sorry? But Bachira is enrolled in it no…?”  

Isagi stares at you. “Uh,” He scratches the back of his neck. “Bachira is an alpha, though? Like, a pretty strong one too. It’s hard to tell from his scent from what I hear but he’s prescribed the really high dose medications that the other alphas take. Part of the rut management and everything.”  

You blink.  

“…That’s…” And then you look up, completely unsure of what to say. “..Are you sure? Like… really sure?” 

Isagi looks at you sympathetically. His voice is soft and comforting. “Yeah. I’m sure. Sorry,”  

You shake your head. “No it’s,” You feel your eyes start to well up, chest feeling especially tight. “It’s okay. It’s not like you did anything wrong.”  

“You’re a nice girl, huh?” Isagi says, voice tender and easily sensing your sudden distress. It makes your lip wobble. You want to cry into a strangers arms even though you absolutely can’t. “I’ll scold him for you.”  

You give him a thankful look. “I’m gonna uh,” You swallow. “Go to the bathroom. When Sasaki comes back tell her to text me. And Bachira, uhm. I guess just tell him I went home.”  

Isagi smiles. “Sure.”  

You thank him again picking up your few things hastily and bolting in the opposite direction.  

You don’t really know what you’re supposed to do or how you’re so suppose to receive the information. It’s not a sense of betrayal you feel welling up inside of you, but something closer to  a sudden deep remorse and regret. And so much shock you can barely make sense of anything. You feel the sorry in your bones, and you feel the paved memories of your entire lifetime begging to shake under your feet.  

Bachira is still Bachira. 

But he’s an alpha. An alpha who likes other alphas, in the same way you’re an omega who likes other omegas. He’s like you. You shared this your entire life, but you never knew not once. You didn’t even have any idea.  

What kind of friend does that make you? What kind of friend have you been to him all this time? Was it bad enough that he couldn’t share it? When you’ve depended on him so much?  

You don’t know how you end up in a bathroom. It’s in such a far away part of the mall. You feel out of body, moving on autopilot as you shuffle into the empty stall and sit on the toliet with your bag and your things.  

You’re reminded of your first heat on the train back from middle school. An old memory but not old enough you easily forget. Hesitance turned to frustration and disgust towards alphas. You’d avoided after that for years and still do now. Was it then?  

Despondent, you aren’t sure what to do with yourself. The echo of stalls, the noise of people loudly outside, the forceful beat of your heart. A reminder that you’re really living through this realization so late. It’s weird. It hurts so much you can barely think through your thoughts and come upon any answers on how to go on.  

It’s not hard to understand why. Bachira is selfish but he’s also loyal. You’re sure that sometime ago, to protect the vulnerable version of you who was already so distrusting of alphas, Bachira had kept it from you as to break your perception any further. You can’t blame him for that, especially when that distrust towards alphas yet to dissolve completely. Of course he wouldn’t be comfortable telling you.  

You can’t bring yourself to hate him over it and never would. You’d spend the rest of your life trying to unglue the fused parts of yourself with him, the memories and you’d never see the end of it if you attempted.  

What hurts you is that he never told you. Not ever. Not even when you voiced your worries about his heats in Bluelock. Not even as you drank together. Not even when he kissed you. 

Was he never going to tell you? 

Did he never trust you enough to tell you? 

That hurts most. You only have yourself to blame. The thought makes your heart wrench. Your eyes water as you focus in on the ground and try to breathe. 

The door of the bathroom itself opens and shuts all of a sudden, familiar footfall making hundreds of alarm bells go off at once. You already know it’s Bachira, but for the first time you don’t know what you’re meant to say to him. The feeling is so complex you can barely put it in words for yourself. How were you meant to face him?  

“Meguru,”  

You can hear him whimper on the other side of the stall door, fists hitting it in a dull thud.  

“I’m sorry,” He’s crying. You want to open the door and comfort him so badly but shame stops you. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry - it’s all my fault. Don’t hate me, please don’t hate me.”  

You hate hearing him cry. Squeezing your eyes shut, you try to keep your voice steady. “I don’t hate you at all.”  

“You’re lying. You won’t even open the door to look at me.”  

“I just can’t,” You say, not really know how else to explain it. “But nothing could make me hate you.”  

“But you hate alphas, don’t you? You’re uncomfortable with me now. We can’t be close anymore, right?”  

You don’t say anything to that. You want to deny it. You want to tell him nothing could make you want to stop being his friend.  

But then, you remember that Bachira is destined for unimaginable greatness. Bright like the sun and even more interesting, more talented, more cool than you could ever be. He’s an alpha to boot. You think of the future of your life and how you’ve always pictured it to be quiet and functional, because that’s who you’ve always been. Bachira is—was a star crash landing in your life, anyhow. You think of all of that, along with everything else - and all the ways you’ve betrayed him unintentionally.  

You’ve used up all of your luck. Inevitably. Eventually, it was always going to end with a gradually forming distance. You knew that before he left just like you know it now. And nows as good a time as any to put it to rest.  

“Meguru,” He’s your first friend. You’re sure that’s why he’s so shaken up. Distance would be better. “You have to focus on becoming the best in the world, right? I’ll uh,” You try to breathe. “I’ll be watching from a distance no matter what,”  

“Please don’t leave me,” He whimpers. You wince.  

“It’s not like that. There’s a lot of people who are beside you now.” You say warily, trying to comfort him. If you were a more selfish person, you would want to be friends. You love Bachira. You’ve loved him your entire life. You probably always will. But you think if he’s had to keep this secret from you so long - you don’t deserve any of that. “It’s fine. You’ll be fine,” 

Without me. You’ll be fine without me. You want to tell him that, but can’t bring yourself to say it.  

You won’t be, you don’t think. Not for a while. But this is the least you can do for your relationship. For your best friend who you haven’t paid enough attention too.  

“I’ll stay with you until you stop crying,” You offer. “And when your eyes aren’t red, we can both just go home. Okay?” 

Bachira sniffles on the other side of the door and doesn’t reply. 

__  

[ EIGHTEEN ] 

On your eighteenth birthday, Bachira’s mom calls you at midnight.  

Yu-san is like a third parent to you, so you pick regardless for the reason she calls. She sounds relieved when you answer despite the sleep in your voice. You’re up late studying for your driving license exam which you’ll finally be eligible to take starting now.  

“Ah. Hello?”  

“Hey, kid. Thanks for picking my call,” She sounds like she’s doing something. It’s a Sunday so she’s probably painting. “Don’t sound too confused. I just called to wish you happy birthday. Meguru always called you at midnight, didn’t he?”  

You look down at the papers on your desk, twirling pen in fingers. “Yeah, he did.”  

“You two still aren’t talking, right? But knowing Meguru, he’ll feel sad later on when he realizes he didn’t wish you because he was upset,” She hums, nonplussed. You smile a little. Yu-san is just like that, you think. Even after being aware of you and Bachira’s fights, the way she’s treated you hasn’t changed. “So I thought I’d do in his place.”  

“It’s alright, Yu-san. But thank you,”  

“Of course,” She says. You hear the faucet running and the familiar clicking of paint brushes on the other side of the line. “Come over when you have some time. I brought ingredients for your favorite. We can go pick up a cake together, too. I bet you’re too busy studying and forgot to make plans, right?”  

You flush. “…I did.”  

She laughs good-naturedly. “Right? I thought so. I know it’s just you in the house, but feel free to invite Sasaki and Miki-chan, alright? And don’t stay up too late studying.”  

You feel tears well up in the corners of your eyes. “Thank you for always taking care of me, Yu-obasan,”  

“Oh, don’t be silly. That’s a given right?”  

“Right,” You sniffle. “But still, thanks.”  

“Of course. Oh! And, happy birthday.”