#sorry im greedy for validation like that

[becca4leafclover]

On one hand I'm grateful for the RA I'm friends with to invite me to a selective event at the school! That was super cool of him!

On the other hand that event was a dinner with the school president and I was outside cheering for him to eat shit and stop fucking up the school for 3 hours today so I don't think thatd go over well

[cloudyyoimiya]

I REALLY LOVE WHEN YOU WRITE FOR TECCHOU, IS SO PERFECT MSKZKWOSOWL

Sorry, I just watched a TikTok and I’m so excited to make this request. Have you seen the beige flag trend? Well a girl did it and said that her boyfriend's beige flag was that he makes her pay "kisses toll” when they shower together and she needs to switch spots with him to get under the water. I really would like that scenario with tecchou please🤧

AW IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE HOW I WRITE TECCHOU!!! it makes me so happy oh my lord. i struggle with his dialogue so this was oddly validating. anyways, i really like this request!! thank you for requesting!!

Kiss Toll; Suehiro Tecchou

Format: Scenario

Possible warnings: Kissing, mentions of being naked in a non sexual setting, slightly out of character Tecchou

You and your boyfriend were currently in your shared shower. Tecchou had just gotten home from work, and you could tell that he had a long day of work from how his shoulders slightly slumped and how he smelled of sweat. You didn’t like the smell he brought home, but who were you to judge? He was more active than you in terms of fighting criminals, and that’s something to applaud him for.

That’s when an idea hit you. The two of you could shower together! You needed to shower yourself considering that you had a little dust on you from cleaning, so you felt like a genius for coming up with this idea.

It was a win-win scenario in your eyes. The both of you could relax, and Tecchou wouldn’t stink up the apartment!

Your boyfriend was currently under the water, letting you reach up and wash his hair for him. You carefully massaged his scalp with his cherry shampoo, making sure he relaxed with your touch. He always loved it when you washed his hair for him, so your touch was absolutely welcomed.

When you eventually rinsed out the shampoo and conditioner from his hair, you decided it was your turn to go under the water. You started to shift the both of your bodies so you could get under the water, but Tecchou’s strong, muscular arms stopped you from doing so. He silently held you in place, looking down at you with an expectant expression.

“Kiss toll,” he murmured as he looked down at you.

“Huh?”

“Kiss toll,” Tecchou repeated.

You looked up at him in confusion. “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to elaborate on that. I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

A small smile graced your boyfriends face. “Each time you need to go under the water, you’ll have to give me a kiss.”

“Really?” You deadpanned. “You want a kiss each time I want to go under the water?”

Tecchou simply nodded. “Mhm. Now give me a kiss.”

You let out a soft chuckle and quickly gave him a peck on the cheek. It didn’t last for all that long, but you hoped that it would please your boyfriend.

“There. Was that good?” You asked with a smile.

Tecchou shook his head.

“No it wasn’t. The kiss needs to be on the lips,” he spoke with a small smile.

“Are you serious?”

“Very.”

“Alright then,” you said with a thoughtful expression. “I only have to give you one kiss, right?”

Tecchou seemed to think for a short moment. “Just this once it can be one. After that the kiss toll will get more expensive.”

“Okay then,” you said, smiling. “One kiss it is.”

Right after you said that, you gave Tecchou a chaste kiss on the lips. You made sure to keep your lips connected for a few more seconds than you’d usually hold it just for good measure. Who knew that your boyfriend was so greedy for your kisses?

Once you pulled back you could see that Tecchou was lightly blushing. If you didn’t know him beforehand you would’ve just assumed that his cheeks were red from the hot water, but since Tecchou was your boyfriend, you knew that wasn’t the case. He was blushing only from your chaste kiss!

“Will that suffice? Or do I need to give you another so I can get under the water?”

Tecchou shook his head. “No… No that was fine. Thank you, angel.”

Tecchou immediately stopped holding you back with his arms, releasing you gently. The two of you then switched positions, you now being under the water and Tecchou standing in front of you. He looked awfully content with the current situation at hand.

You then went to grab your shampoo, but Tecchou grabbed your arm to stop you. You almost instantly went to look at him with a questionable expression etched onto your face.

“Is something wrong?”

“Let me do it for you,” he replied bluntly. “Wash your hair, I mean.”

“Oh! Okay!”

Tecchou then nodded and took the shampoo from your hand. He then opened the cap and put a little bit of the soap onto his hand. And then with a smile, Tecchou brought his soapy hands down to your hair and started to gently massage your scalp for you.

“Is this alright?” He asked, wanting your reassurance.

“Mhm. It feels nice.”

Your boyfriend only nodded and he continued his ministrations. He seemed like he enjoyed washing your hair for you, much like how he enjoyed it when you washed his hair for him.

Tecchou made sure to keep his washing gentle, not wanting to hurt you. Then after a while he eventually pulled his hands away from your scalp and started to rinse out the shampoo after instructing you to close your eyes. He didn’t want the soap to sting your eyes if it ever got in them.

When the two of you went to get out of the shower, Tecchou stopped you for one moment and gave you a kiss on the cheek. He then started to speak softly, acting as if you two weren’t the only people in the room.

“I love you, my dear.”

i didn’t know how to end this </3

[gunilslaugh]

im sorry ik that ur requests are closed, but i LOVED jiseok’s oneshot, where the reader is their manager’s daughter! Can we may have a part two?

Here you go Part 2 to Manager’s Daughter

Kwak Jiseok

Summary: Yours and Jiseoks’ date after their concert and you finally talk to your mom.

WC:~1.4k

Warning:grammar

photo not mine credits to owner.

Xdinary Heroes were performing their last song before they would end their concert. 

“Jiseok and I are going to get something to eat after the concert,” you informed your mom.

“Oh! Like a date?” She says surprised, both of her eyebrows raising.

“Yeah, like a date,” you told her.

“So he found the courage to ask you out?” She asked you with her full attention. 

“You knew that he liked me?” You questioned her, taken aback.

“I had a feeling. He always seemed to be very interested whenever I mentioned you,” she reveals. 

“See it’s your fault that he likes me. You talked about me too much,” you playfully nudged her. 

“At least he has good taste,” she states. It was nice to talk to your mom like this. You can’t remember the last time the two of you had “girl talk”.

The members said their last goodbyes and the concert officially ended. They made their way off stage and headed back to the waiting room with you and your mom following behind them.

“You guys did great,” you tell them as you enter the room. They each let out some form of a thank you. They began to pack up their instruments, getting ready to leave.

“You ready?” Jiseok approached you.

“Yeah,” you responded.

“Ready for what? Where are you two going?” Gunil interjected.

“They’re going on a date,” your mom answered with a hint of mischief in her voice.

“Mom!” You instantly complain. The other members look at each other in shock.

“So that’s what you were talking to her about. You actually had the guts to-” Jooyeon begins to talk.

“Shall we go now?” Jiseok asks you urgently.

“Faster the better,” you say. The two of you fleeing the room before any further questioning could go on

“My members are so gonna tease me about this when I get to the dorm,” Jiesok groans. 

“My mom probably won’t be much better,” you said. 

The both of you walked to a nearby restaurant and placed your orders. Beginning to talk while you wait for your food to be served.

“Well you already know some things about me thanks to my mom, so tell me about you,” you tell him.

“This may sound a bit crazy, but I’m in a band,” he states, causing you to laugh.

“No way. What’s your band's name?” You played along, causing Jiseok to laugh too. You guys' food was served and you continued to chat while eating. Once you finished eating you guys paid for your meals and left the restaurant. You guys walked to the bus stop and waited for the bus to arrive. 

“You must miss your parents. You don’t get to see them much right?” You say. 

“I do miss them, but I try to talk to them as much as I can,” he answers. “You miss your mom too though,” he points. 

“But I still see her everyday. Which makes me missing her silly,” you responded.

“It’s not silly y/n. Your feelings are valid,” Jiseok proclaims. “Why haven’t you ever told your mom how you feel?” He prompts you.

“At first I thought her being a manager was really cool. How could my mom working with idols not be cool? Over time her being away on schedules so often started to make me feel a bit lonely, but that’s a part of her job I understand that, so I just ignored that loneliness. Then seeing how much time idols got to spend with my mom. Way more time than she ever spends with me. I started to get jealous. Her being a manager didn’t seem cool to me anymore, but I know she really enjoys her job and I didn’t want to take away from that. I just stayed silent,” you explained to Jiseok. 

“Even if she does enjoy her job, she cares about you way more y/n,” he told you.

“That’s why I don’t want to make things complicated for her,” you voiced. “Yes, I wish I could spend more time with her, but that’s just me being greedy,” you rationalized.

“Then be greedy,” Jiseok says. “You and your mom have a good relationship, don’t let your kept feelings eat that away. Talk to her,” he sincerely tells you. The bus arrives and the two of you get on. During the ride to your stop you reflect over Jiseok’s words. You know that you should talk to your mom, but a part of you is scared. 

“We’re here,” Jiseok pulls your arm, pulling you out of your thoughts. You guys get off the bus and Jiseok begins to walk you home. 

“Thank you,” you thanked him.

“For what?” he asks you.

“For encouraging me to talk to my mom,” you elaborated.

“It’s no problem. I just want you to be happy,” Jiseok declares, grabbing your hand in his. A smile finds its way onto your lips.

“Our next date should be happier. The end of this one turned into you being my therapist,” you chuckled.

“We could go to the arcade, that'd be fun,” Jiseok suggested.

“Sure, the arcade it is,” you agreed. The two of you arrived at your house. “You can leave me here. My mom’s probably gonna bombard me with questions as soon as I get inside,” you told Jiseok, stopping at your driveway.

“I’ll watch you walk up. I had a good time,” Jiseok informs.

“I did too. Text me when you get back to your dorm,” you replied.

“I will, “ he nodded.

“Goodnight,” you wished him.

“Goodnight,” he wished you back. You turned walking up the driveway. Once you reached your door you turned around to wave at Jiseok. He waved back, beginning to walk away. You used your keys to open the door and surely enough there was your mom popping up from the couch.

“How was it?” She questioned you eagerly. 

“There will be a second date,” is how you answered. “Before we get into that though, can we talk?” You asked. The atmosphere of the room shifted.

“Of course, what’s up?” She inquisitions. The two of you walked over to the couch, sitting down, slightly angled towards one another. You took a breath before speaking.

“You know I’m really supportive of you being a manager, but I wish you could spend more time being my mom,” you admitted and it felt like a weight was lifted from your chest. 

“What do you mean?” She questions, her eyes filling with sorrow.

“You spend more time with idols, Xdinary Heroes, than you do me. I know it’s probably stupid, but sometimes I feel like they’re more of your kids than I am. I’m jealous of how much time they get to spend with you,” you revealed. 

“Oh my poor baby. I never knew you felt like that,” tears fall from her eyes as she pulls you into a hug. You couldn’t contain the tears that fell from your eyes too.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she pulls away enough to look at you.

“You really like being a manager. I didn’t want to ruin it,” you sniffled.

“Your feelings matter way more than my job y/n. You’re most important to me,” she states

“It’s not like I want you to stop being a manager, I just wish you spent less time at work,” you apprised. 

‘I will. I will stop working late into the night ok and I’ll spend my days off with you,” Your mom declares firmly.

“Thank you,” you pull her into another hug. The two of you stay like that for a bit. 

“So your date with Jiseok?” She pipes up, causing you to laugh. The atmosphere of the room again changed, but to a much lighter one this time.

“What about my date with Jiseok?” You teased her pulling away from the hug. 

“Tell me everything!” She orders. It felt like you were two teenagers talking about their crushes, it was nice. Much more refreshing than your previous conversation.

Once you finished talking to your mom you headed into your room and phones pinged. It was a text from Jiseok. “I’m back at my dorm and survived the guy's interrogation 👍”. You laughed and began to type out your reply. “I’m glad :) I talked to my mom we’re all good now. She wouldn’t let me leave till she knew every detail about our date lol”. The two of you chatted a little longer before going to bed. For the first time in a long while you didn’t mind being a manager’s daughter.

[such-justice-wow]

I kinda get both sides.

Like sure, everyone can make "art". But not everyone can make good art. Or even mediocre art. Not garbage looking art.

To pretend that there isn't talent involved, as well as needing to invest years of practice in something you may even hate just to make something that will finally give you the validation you want from people, to make them listen to you... Let's be real, most people can't afford that shit.

I tried to draw a few times. Because I know nobody gives a fuck about writing, at least definitely not about mine. I'm not putting my writing out there just to have a place to save it, I want people to acknowledge it, acknowledge me, give me validation. To just be blunt and honest here.

But people don't care unless you are either already popular or you add drawings. And I, to be quite honest, fucking hate drawing. I have a negative amount of talent for it, and I would need to invest years into something that I hate just for people to finally, for the love of god give me a sense of self worth, that my art that I actually love, my writing, isn't worthless garbage.

"Everyone can make art", yes, very cute motivational quote, but let's not pretend here that most "art" by most people doesn't look like the drawn equivalent of "Graphic Design is my passion", even if they actually try. Not everyone can just out their thoughts and feelings out there in a way that actually accurately shows them.

The best option for that would be commissions, for those people, for most people, and most people don't have that kind of money.

Another option is AI art.

Some people would call it soulless, but the soul is only a metaphorical concept to begin with.

Art theft is an issue, but there is also a wide variety of art that is open source. And I'm sure there are people who would be alright with their art being used for open source AI art.

Isn't everyone truly just pissed about CEOs not being transparent and stealing art that isn't open source, or hide clauses inside some forms that nobody reads through?

Is AI art, by itself, really the problem? Or is it seedy, greedy assholes, as always?

At least that's my take. Sorry if it came off as aggressive, it wasn't meant towards you, it was just... frustration in general. Hope this is coherent.

I never said you have to want to make good art, I said if I don't make art I feel like im dying.

And if you have no passion for making art why would you have passion for AI art? If you like the technical side there are technical arts and if you like seeing pretty images you can just go on Instagram and scroll mindlessly.

So much support of AI art comes from undermining and overexaggerating what art is and it's value. That has knock on effects for how people view artists and if they should be paid and a lot of people came to the conclusion that they shouldn't and you should instead pay a machine to do a worse job.

[ohyoru]

Im glad i could be of any help to you! Im usually very shy about interacting with people even online but you remind me of myself a lot, except instead of writing i used to draw. But not being able to do it as a career hurts me a lot. due to my countrys little to no appreciation of any sort of art, im instead forced to do other things than my passion. Life gets in the way a lot. I have been studying for my uni exam since i started high school and im in my last year, which makes it very hard to find any time for anything other than studying( my classes alone take up about 11 hours a day ouch.) so i feel like were similar somehow. Even in the 20 mins of tumblr time i have during the day i almost always check your blog.

I struggle a lot with loneliness as well like you mentioned. I have a lot of friends but they just dont provide the comfort i need(maybe im just greedy) and i dont have any siblings as well. Id kill for a hug. That sounds so desperate damn. Anyways i hope you know you can traumadump( i hope i used that word correctly i just learned what it meant) anytime, i mean its your blog. Like i said i have very little time to look at my phone but i will always try to be there for you. I gotta say tho im not usually this good with my words not in english or turkish. Ama a

dearie anon! (can i keep calling you that?)

aww i love that you see the reflection of yourself in me. i feel like i get to know more about you and it makes me so happy that i'm not the only one feeling all this. somehow, your existence feels like the validation i need.

thank you for keep talking with me despite being shy (you're so cute for that aaaa). i'm so sorry to hear about your inability to turn your passion into career. i can honestly understand how that feels, the dread of knowing that your dream wouldn't take you far. it's the same for me as a linguist (i'm pursuing my postgrad study in linguistics), but i've been warned beforehand that there really isn't much opportunity for career with my major.. i'm lucky to somehow managed to land a job related to the use of language. the salary isn't high enough for my qualification, but i really enjoy what i'm doing. i'm considering about continuing down this path and figure out about the money shortage later.

about the hug part, please don't feel bad about it. it sounds desperate indeed but there's nothing wrong about it. i'm desperate for a hug all the time. all my siblings are male and they usually keep to themselves. i don't live with my parents so i don't get to hug them a lot. i actually cried alot because of how lonely and desperate i am for companion, so i totally understand you. i wish i can hug you right now, i'm giving you the tightest and warmest hug!

thank you for looking after me despite your busy time. it means so much to me (brb sobbing again). also don't worry about incidentally sending your texts before finalising it ♡ i really love talking with you. also, please don't panic! i'm just guessing who you might be, i don't really have any proof as to who you could be. but anyway! please feel free to talk to me anytime. i'll be sure to reply them as soon as i can!

[blonkk]

shut the fuck up about the layers of your problems and “oppression”. this has gotta be the worst fucking thing that’s come out of “social conciousness”. like idk how to tell you this but everyone’s life is fucking hard. OBVIOUSLY when you’re part of a marginalized group things get harder but fr why is everyone so fucking dedicated to being miserable victims. deadass this is why white people are obsessed with being “queer”. it’s so annoying and i’m not giving you my fucking money. you know what i am if everyone needs to go there so fucking bad??!???? i’m a brown FEMALE person child of immigrants chronically ill chronically depressed diagnosed with ADHD and even thought to have autism by some. fuck if i’m gonna let all these awful labels define me for the rest of my fucking life and use them to make people feel sorry for me. i don’t even believe the ADHD and autism — honestly i think the adhd is a result of the conditions i live in and the fact that i just don’t respond to authority. but anyways like using this shit as a way to beg for money is just so pathetic and lazy and self absorbed lol. get a fucking job. i don’t even care anymore. yes i know getting a job doesn’t fix all your problems and that especially today there’s no reward for working but seriously why do you think you’re special???!!? i bust my balls working and have been since i was 16. i don’t get to use the child of immigrants excuse because IM NOT THE IMMIGRANT THEY WERE LMAOOOO seriously people are so pathetic it makes me so mad. there are people in the world that genuinely need help, need aid, can’t work. i’ve been directly beside those people. i’ve seen how the system fails the people who rely on it the most, and a lazy 20something with adhd and anxiety from a lower-middle-class background is not one of those people. i’ve worked in the lowest rungs in society and make no money, even now with qualifications, and i can’t afford basic things. is that ok? no it is not. do i think everyone should struggle? no i don’t . but i’m not gonna sit here and watch you freakish beggars try to manipulate people into feeling sorry for you because of your “identity”. stop being lazy and self centered. get a job and struggle like everyone else; maybe then you’ll see the value of work and money and why begging people for theirs is greedy. (no i’m not talking about poor people asking wealthy people for help, no i’m not saying luckier people shouldn’t distribute wealth if they can. they definitely should, that’s always been my belief.) i’m talking about these young kids acting like they’re at the forefront of some revolution by refusing to be a part of the real world and “advocating”; you’re not advocating for shit, you’re excusing your own selfishness and laziness. not to sound like a boomer but my taxes pay for your ei and disability that you steal from those who actually need it. my taxes are not meant to be YOUR public property. obviously it’s not right that the government takes my fucking money and i’m not even making a basic salary. but i can’t stand seeing these whiny children abusing public funding with such greed and entitlement. you’re doing harm whether you believe it or not and you’re splitting people more and more. there’s stubborn conservatives who refuse to understand other perspectives and think everyone has it the same and then there’s these loser lefties who see nothing wrong with taking what’s not theirs and refusing to get off their ass and try. seriously you’re mentally ill? maybe stop coddling yourself. you CAN work. you CAN get up, open the blinds, go outside, be a part of life.

it fucking sucks. but you don’t constantly need “rest”. you don’t get to treat everyone else like shit because you feel bad. grow up. all you big babies do is make people question the validity of mental illness and refuse to take it seriously because you want to be treated like special children. life is hard. life doesn’t make sense for most people until they get older. you’re in your twenties or teens or even thirties???? newsflash no one’s “happy”! no one’s got it figured out!!!! now quit being such a crybaby and go experience life instead of sitting in your room on tiktok all day thinking you’re so educated for having different labels to attach to everyone based on knowing next to nothing about who they are besides maybe their skin colour and background. touch grass. stop asking for money and co opting your way into marginalized group’s spaces because you’re a leech. i hate u all fr do you think during the mf depression 22 yr olds were rotting in their parents houses complaining that life is hard and they can’t work because they have anxiety and it’s too much?? no they went and did what they had to do and starved and struggled because that’s what you do. some people are luckier than others. bitch i was i was growing up in the 80s but that’s just not my choice. but hey if you wanna sit on the sidelines and complain all your life you do you. just don’t expect people to pay for it. freaks and weirdos!!!

[mintypothos]

An Apology to Everyone Who Followed Me For Jamilton Content

So, here’s a sequel to the modern day Jamilton I wrote where Jefferson is good with Philip. Coincidentally, here’s also the end to all, if any, integrity I had as a writer. In the end, my love for “hijinks of dubious plausibility force the ship to spend time together” was too great. More under the readmore

Alex still didn't understand Jefferson one bit. The next day, after the Philip fiasco, it was right back to normal again. Jefferson took one look at Alex, wrinkled his nose in that irritating way again, and insulted his fashion sense- again.

Well, if Jefferson wanted to forget that day's events, who was Alex to stop him? He shot back with an insult of Jefferson's value as an employee, if fashion was the main thing he was concerned about, and the status quo resettled itself.

Except, of course, for one change.

“Dad! Dad! When can we go to the movies with Tommy?”

Alex choked on his hot chocolate. “Tom- you mean Jefferson?”

Philip grinned broadly, bouncing in his chair. “He said I could call him Tommy, as long as he gets to call me Pip. I like Pip anyways, so joke's on him.”

“Right,” Alex coughed. “Jeff-er, Tom,” He couldn't bring himself to finish the childish nickname. “Tom's... busy.” He misdirected. There was no way Alex would be the one to bring that evening up again, and certainly not at work- the only place he ever had to interact with Jefferson.

“Busy?” Philip furrowed his brows, as if immediately seeing through the lie. “He said he wanted to come.” His voice tipped down, hurt.

Alex winced. “Well, sometimes adults have other obligations that they forget about. I'm sure he'd love to go if he could. His work is as busy as mine, though.” The best excuse was a true one. As much as Alex hated to admit it, Jefferson did plenty of work for the firm. He was Alex's rival for good reason, even if he was a pompous jerk who got everything handed to him.

But the excuse did nothing to console Philip. His shoulders drooped. “He said he would,” Philip whined, not quite teary eyed, but certainly upset. “Does Tommy hate me after all?”

Alex froze. “No, of course he doesn't,” He found himself saying automatically. “Look, I'll ask him again, maybe I can help him clear a date, how does that sound?”

Philip smiled, bright as the sun. “Yeah!”

Alex smiled back, silently cursing his big mouth.

Jefferson was, of course, Jefferson. Alex studied him carefully, the next day at work, thinking of the right angle to take. He could just walk up and ask, but he needed a 'yes', for Philip's sake.

Jefferson, for his part, stared back with equal wariness, almost as if he expected something. Or maybe it was because Alex didn't respond to his morning taunt, too wrapped up in what he'd have to do sometime today.

Alex lost his first chance, when Jefferson strolled by to steal Alex's stapler.

Alex lost his second chance, when he chickened out at lunchtime and went out for a burger instead.

The third time, though, Alex went for it. It was the end of the day, and James had gone on ahead- they were neighbours and best friends who carpooled; and Alex didn't care how rarely they were apart, he was not doing this in front of James. Alex took a deep breath. He was not throwing away his shot.

“Yo, Jefferson,” Alex raised his voice before he could change his mind. Jefferson turned, looked genuinely confused for a moment, before raising one slender brow. “I need to ask you something.”

Jefferson's brow raised further as he sauntered over. “Oh really?”

Alex swallowed down his instinctive frustration. Why did Jefferson have to be so damn condescending? “You remember Philip?”

Instantly, Jefferson's entire demeanor shifted. His perfect back posture slackened, his annoying smirk disappeared, something almost friendly flashed across his face as he blinked once, then twice. Then, he frowned, brows creasing; but Alex had already seen it.

“Yes, why?” Jefferson spoke cautiously. It was so unusual, Alex hesitated, knowing instinctively that he was in strange, new territory.

It was worrying, but Alex didn't get this far by shying away from new territory. “He's been asking about you. Wants you to go see that movie with him. Us.” Alex firmly resisted the urge to nibble his cheeks and shift his weight. He would not be a nervous schoolchild, not with his sworn enemy.

Jefferson's eyes blew wide for a single split second, before being masked behind confused wariness once again. Alex wondered where all these facial expressions had been hiding this whole time. Jefferson had been nothing but smug arrogance since they'd met, and only now he was being a three-dimensional human being?

“I...” Jefferson trailed off. “Uh, okay.” He coughed. “For the kid's sake, sure.”

“Yeah,” Alex nodded quickly, not sure how to take Jefferson's reaction. “This doesn't change anything.” Jefferson's eyes hardened, scowl turning sharper, more familiar. For a moment, Alex was disappointed. He decided not to dwell on it.

--

Philip was overjoyed, both at the news and throughout the actual event. That's all that mattered, Alex told himself. He'd even believe it, if only he could take his eyes off of Jefferson.

The thing was, he wasn't just good with kids. He was great. Alex watched blankly as Jefferson laughed and ruffled Philip's hair, acting for all the world like he'd known Philip for years. He looked like he belonged there, making Philip laugh and smile and swing their arms back and forth together.

Then, Jefferson would glance up, and catch Alex's eyes, and the moment would shatter. His lips twisted, his eyes narrowing. Philip hummed the movie's end credits song as they walked out of the theater, utterly content.

“What are you staring at,” Alex hissed, when Jefferson refused to let up.

“Shut up, Hamilton.” Jefferson hissed back. “You're being weird, the kid's noticing.”

Anger bubbled up, as hot as it was unbidden. “Don't talk to me like I can't parent my own kid!”

Jefferson's eyes flared, incensed. “Then act like it! You can't even keep a half decent eye-”

“Are you fighting?” Philip cocked his head, frowning.

“O-of course not!” Alex and Jefferson both startled at the same time. “We just... don't always see eye to eye,” Alex tried for an honest explanation.

“Yes, your Dad's to short to see things on my level,” Jefferson joked, shooting Philip a conspiratorial grin. “That's why he's always angry at me.”

“Excuse me-!?” Alex started, and then cut himself off. It would only prove Jefferson's point, and he was far too aware of Philip's expectant face. He couldn't take the bait in front of his own son.

Still, Jefferson's eyes lit up, not missing the reaction in the slightest. Philip frowned deeper, before shrugging. “You should get along, Dad. Tommy's great!”

“Yeah...” Alex agreed reluctantly, not wanting to disappoint Philip. Jefferson snorted, but left it.

Yeah, there wasn't a chance in hell of that happening.

--

“Hey, Dad?” Philip asked the next day, at breakfast. “How come you never got Tommy to come over before? He's tons of fun.”

Alex narrowly avoided spilling his breakfast down his front, only controlled because he was partially expecting it. “Well, as I said last night, we don't always... get along.” Before Philip could frown, Alex tried to make a better explanation. “Sometimes that just happens. You find someone who doesn't like you, and you don't like them, and that's all there is to it.”

Philip stared into his cereal, looking more thoughtful than crestfallen, thankfully. “But he's nice. And you're nice. Why don't you like him?”

The question was uncomfortably piercing. Alex decided to go for honesty. “It's not that I dislike him, more that he dislikes me. We have a lot of different opinions, and he's always challenging me at work, so I have to challenge him back. So we fight a lot.”

“Oh,” Philip fiddled with his spoon. “I asked Tommy the same thing, when he was taking me home the first time we were gonna see the movie. He said the same thing, that he thinks you don't like him.”

Alex froze, feeling inexplicably uncomfortable at the words. “I see,” he couldn't read into it, Jefferson just didn't want to upset Philip.

He still wasn't in a position to fully understand his feelings over Jefferson actually being invested in Philip's happiness either, to be honest.

“So, if you both don't actually not like each other, if you just spent time together you would get along better?” Philip grinned, impressed by his own idea.

“Err, I'm not sure if that would work,” Alex waved his hand. “We'd probably get mad at each other and stop hanging out in the first minute, anyways!”

Philip hummed, finishing his breakfast. “So if you weren't allowed to leave, you might get along?”

“Sure, Pip.” Alex ruffled his hair. “But that's not likely to happen. We're already forced to spend time together at work, we'd probably have to be attached at the hip for it to work.”

Philip brightened, like he'd come to some sort of conclusion. It might have been worrying, but he dropped the subject, which was all Alex cared about.

The rest of the week went thankfully, mercifully normal. Philip visited his friends- Lafayette's and Burr's children, plus that Eacker kid. Jefferson continued to snipe and snap, and Alex continued to give as good as he got.

Until, the end of the week, when Philip nearly demanded to see 'Tommy' again. “Dad, come on, please? I'm going back to Mom's tomorrow and it'll be a whole week before I can ask again!”

“Philip, it's only a week.” Alex reminded, somehow expecting this moment. “You've gone your whole life without meeting Tom, you'll survive a bit more.” He suppressed a wince at addressing Jefferson by his first name, and a nickname on top of that. It was weird.

Philip wrinkled his nose. “You're only saying that because you don't want to ask, and you're afraid of actually getting along.”

He really was the most troublesome of his parent's traits- Eliza's sharp perception, and Alex's blunt ambition- well, the ambition may well be from both of them. “Nice try, kiddo,” Alex said even though Philip was spot on for the first part; but he wasn't about to address the 'afraid to get along' part.

“Aw, come ooon” Philip whined. “Just for a bit, before Mom picks me up?”

“Sorry, Pip. There's only so much Jefferson- Tom, that I can handle in a week.”

If anything, Philip only looked more determined. “I just think if you gave him a chance, then you'd have a boyfriend too, like Mom has Mars...” Philip pouted. Alex paled.

“Tom is never going to be my boyfriend. Philip, is that what this has been about?”  

Philip nodded. “I just want you to be happy too. Mom smiles a lot more now that Mars is hanging around all the time.”

Alex sighed. “Pip, I know you mean well, and you're very smart for your age, but you're too young to be matchmaking.”

Philip frowned, but wasn't deterred. “How do you know, if you don't even try?”

“I just do, now please leave it.”

“Fine, then I'll wait till next week and ask Tommy why he won't date you.”

Alex froze. “You wouldn't.” He could hear exactly how Philip would phrase it, as if it were a question Alex was asking himself, and not the work of an overeager child.

Slowly, Philip smiled. “Then ask him to come over today, just for a bit, before Mom picks me up.” This was it, he was being blackmailed by his own son.

“I could ground you, you know.” Alex tried.

“Okay,” Philip shrugged, apparently so dedicated to this scheme that he was willing to bear the punishment- which meant that the chances of him just forgetting this over the week with Eliza was slim. Damn it, Alex realized, he was being successfully blackmailed by his own son.

“We'll see. But if Tom can't make it, I better not hear a word from you.” Alex warned. Philip shrugged. It wasn't a good sign.

Jefferson, of course, was available, somehow. It was a Saturday, he should have been off doing whatever asshole things he did in his leisure time; but one call to Madison and a phone pass later, and it was set up.

“Is this going to be a regular thing, because Jemmy about had a heart attack from sheer confusion.” Jefferson griped as Alex met him in the driveway. Philip watched them from inside the house, the opposite of subtlety.

“God, I hope not,” Alex griped in return. “Philip won't shut up about you, unfortunately. He hasn't met a new adult in a while, it'll pass.”

Jefferson's face softened, just a touch. “Well, your kid has better taste in company than you. Must get it from his mother.”

“Now listen here, you-” Alex trailed off, glancing at the window. Philip grinned back with both thumbs up, obviously excited. “You know what, nevermind. Just come in.” Alex could at least try to get along for a bit. It was only a matter of time before Philip's fascination faded.

Jefferson stared, taken aback. Then, he shook himself and nodded. “Don't mind if I do.”

“Right,” Alex hesitated in front of the door. “Eliza will be over in about half an hour anyway, so you won't need to stay long. And,” Alex swallowed. “I guess, uh, thanks for humouring Philip.”

Jefferson gaped. “I'm sorry, what?”

“You heard me!” Alex snapped back. “You could have been a bigger asshole about this but you aren't, okay? Being an asshole about this specifically, you still are one in general.”

Jefferson's eyes stayed wide for another moment; and then they crinkled into a laugh, rich and pleasant compared to the usual scathing cackles Alex was used to. “Okay, Hamilton. Sure thing.”

“Oh, shut up.” Alex opened the front door instead of finding a proper response, cheeks reddening.

Philip wasted no time bounding over. “Tommy! You came!”

“Pip!” Jefferson laughed, once again warm and empty of spite. It did something uncomfortable to Alex's gut. He decided not to analyze it.

“Now you need to hold hands!” Philip put on his most innocent grin. His most innocent grin, of course, was full of lies- Philip was far too clever for his age.

Alex tried to cut if off. “Philip, no, seriously.”

“Just for a second! Please?” Philip batted his eyes.

“You don't want to make a guest uncomfortable, Philip, not when he visited just for you.” Alex reprimanded, as gently as he could. Jefferson was right there, and oh God, Philip better not bring up the date thing-

“Pff,” Jefferson scoffed. “You think that's enough to make me 'uncomfortable'?” He crossed his arms. “I'm not some fragile flower.”

Alex glared helplessly. “Hey, I'm just trying to- ugh,” He shook his head. “Philip, you don't just tell people to hold hands. That's something people only do together if they want to.”

“Are you trying to give the enthusiastic consent speech right now? Over hand holding?” Jefferson rolled his eyes.

Alex bit back a sharper retort. “Will you just-”

Jefferson cut him off with a loud, fake sigh. “Don't worry about it, Pip. Your Dad can't handle something like holding hands.”

In that moment, Alex saw red. “Okay, you know what, fine!” He seized Jefferson's hand in the fiercest grip he could manage. It wasn't nearly strong enough, Jefferson only rolling his eyes and gripping back. “Are you both happy, now?”

“A-almost!” Philip swallowed an excited giggle. He reached for something behind his back. Alex had a split second to fear it was a camera, before something far, far worse happened.

With two harsh ratcheting noises, Philip snapped a pair of handcuffs tight against Alex's and Jefferson's wrists. Then, he pushed past them and ran out the door, laughing.

[acid-ixx]

- please look at me

A/N: this is an intro/drabble to a series im making (ye i have a lot). specifically just angst overall lol. if u dont like short stuff, i suggest u filter off #anemone.drabbles !!

If the price to pay for death was the spirit leaving you, I wouldn't commit the same sins regardless of punishment.

How many times have you heard the empty sorry's leaving sinners' mouths?

They've no opportunity to dig the lands of another path, a path to earn their rightful God's forgiveness.

Suck it up.

Such a phrase they proposed to assert, yet scornful were these flames that thrash against their neck, as it endlessly floods against the pit of wrath. How awful, they've buried their God's emotions in favor of theirs, greedy contaminating hearts thump and howled once news warned against their vile actions.

You've lost your love. Presently, fear dwells a corner of your soul, overcoming any feasible apology for that of unadulterated panic. A switch that flips lest they likewise they've to dare lay contact of your Divine being.

Desolate; barren were those flitting planes of orbs, not an individual could saunter these lands of anguish, as they've died of sheer guilt if you've shrieked in fear. Fear they oh-so imprinted into your responses, utter impulse to run to somewhere, anywhere, to be safeguarded from them.

Love for only those who deserve it.

How could they validate themselves? Would cutting every limb of their body and offering it to a shrine work? How, how, how? Could these Archon destroy the lands they built and reshape them to how you see the desirable? Could they replace all those old faces that abuse you with newer ones? Look at me. If it was for a crumb of your once loving gaze. They'd do so, feeding off like parasites.

[helisol]

dude im not sure you will get it after reading this either, but you Can read it now

okay so first of all do not expect me to adhere to rules of grammar or Proper capitalisation, I am writing from the heart

so it’s been said before by other people but if Quark and Odo didnt look like the aliens that they are but instead like two regular prettybois the fandom would do cartwheels over their dynamic and Not call them a crack ship. because really, their dynamic fucking SLAPS and I’m here to tell you Why.

their surface-level dynamic is “Respected and Talented Security Chief and Cunning Immoral Businessman who are in Love but pretend not to be” and that's just an off-brand version of enemies to lovers! which is excellent and for some people that’s all you really need to get invested in a ship.

but some people look at it and go “Hm, no, that’s not enough. I mean, they work as friends but it doesn’t really have to be romantic.” and to that I say you are Absolutely Valid, not everything has to be romantic.

it just so happens that these two fuckers have one of the most compelling romance stories ever, and it’d be a shame not to explore it.

so before I dive into the internalised homophobia and repression, I’d like to take a moment to talk about Quark as a character.

because if you have brainworms like me you can kind of see that its an honest to god greek tragedy.

this guy comes from a race of people where being kind, ethical and fair is considered Abnormal and Horrifying. and I’m not gonna call Quark out of all people kind, ethical or fair but,,, 

you ever notice how he’s A Much Better Person Than Pretty Much All Other Ferengi?

dont get me wrong, Quark is still a bastard, but every once in a while his True Character shines through. and I say True Character because guys,,, the way he behaves around other people is an Act. he’s pretending to be something he’s not.

he has to try so hard to be a good ferengi it’s honestly painful to watch at times. because he is a SHIT ferengi! 

he loves his friends- because that's what the ds9 crew are. they’re his friends! and it makes him miserable because that's not! normal! for a ferengi!

let’s compare Quark and Rom for a second. 

Quark reeks of self loathing because a lot of the time he just Doesn’t act like a ferengi is supposed to, and this drives a lot of conflict in the show. he knows how a ferengi should act, it’s just that he can’t!! fucking!! do it!! but he still tries and tries to fit into that mold, which straight up ruins his life on multiple occasions.

Rom is also not a Model Ferengi, but he lives without hating himself. and it’s mostly because he doesn’t care about how a ferengi Should act, he’s loved and cared for even when everybody knows that he’s a shit ferengi! because his non-ferengi-ness works to his benefit. it encourages and highlights his abilities as an engineer. the success and love he finds make it easy for him to be content with his true self. Unlike Quark, who doesn’t get unconditional love from anyone.

its so!! tragic!! because you can see what Quark is really like!! his true self!! he’s a nice guy who cares for people!

its right there all the time and it's so blatantly obvious. especially in episodes like “Body Parts”, “Bar Association”, “The Way Of The Warrior” and “Ferengi Love Songs”

his own wiki page literally calls him “a compassionate and generous man by ferengi standards” which pretty much translates to “not really a good ferengi”.

anyway so Quark is a tragic figure or whatever but we’re actually here for the REPRESSED! HOMOSEXUAL! TENDENCIES! that he and Odo both exhibit.

with characters like garak you don’t really need to have brainrot to pick up on those tendencies, because that was something andrew robinson chose to do, on purpose. 

and to be fair, Quark wasn’t intended to be Any kind of representation, not even by the actor. I’m just pointing out that he Does look and act and talk like a little gayman.

I will admit that he is Painfully Straight in the text of the show, but on a meta level he’s just. a dude who has a serious case of repressing his real personality. and taking it a step further- he also represses his feelings towards another man.

and that man is Odo.

a few things on him:

Odo is literally desperate to be a person. unlike Quark, who at least has the comfort of belonging to a society of people with a set of rules and expectations, Odo has never met anyone or anything like him in all his years of life.

like, we all know Odo basically grew up in a lab, right? 

with people who didn’t know anything about him. who he was so unalike that they literally called him “Nothing”

but he still learned to look and talk and act like them (because if he didn’t he’d feel *pain* which is very fucked up by the way?)

so we know for a fact that Odo wants to be recognised as a person- which is why he tries really hard to conform to the ideals of the society that raised him. instead of exploring his nature as a shape shifter he maintains a humanoid form, picks up a job and creates an entire personality around what he wants to be seen as. but not what he really is.

and that's the thing that causes all the conflict between Quark and Odo. the type of person odo wants to be seen as is the polar opposite of whatever the fuck quark wants to be seen as.

In the same way that Quark acts like a Normal Ferengi, Odo acts like a Normal Security Officer.  and in a cruel twist of fate, the Ferengi happens to be the antithesis of the Security Officer.

If you only look at them as the things they act like, and not the things they are, you might say they’re way too different to like each other, right? 

but,,, if you think about the fact that they’re both putting on this act,,, this performance of idealised versions of themselves,,, you can see that they are The Same. They Are Both Gay Repressed Loser Aliens Who Try To Act Like Things That They Aren’t!

Imagine you’re Odo. 

Imagine that you’re Nothing, because you’re not like anything anyone has ever seen- and because you are Nothing you don’t fall in love with anyone for years and years. since who could love something that isn’t like them at all?

But then one day this Thing shows up in your path and you just hate it. Because it’s not like anything *you* have ever seen. It’s disorderly and looks grotesque and it’s criminal to boot.

It’s all the things you learned would make a “Bad Person” It’s everything you aspire not to be, because if you were any of those things you would BE PUNISHED.

But the trouble is, eventually he’s not an “it” anymore, he’s “Quark” and you see him every day of your miserable little life because you live on the same damn station in space and it’s hard to avoid each other.

He also happens to be one of the only things in your life that are constant. He will never leave because he is stubborn and greedy and you just *hate him so much* that you’re convinced he must be doing all of it to spite you. And yet you also can’t seem to leave him alone.

So Odo Must Hate Quark. everything else is a non sequitur for him. he can’t not hate Quark.

because Quark is, and i’m sincerely sorry to apply christian fucking imagery to this, The Forbidden Fruit.

If he liked quark he’d admit some kind of moral failing. it would be the end of his act. but on the other hand...it might be a good thing, because at least he could have quark.

but Odo can never go through with biting into this apple because the consequences are horrifying to him. he could never have quark because, according to his performance, he would Never like quark to begin with.

and here’s a take for you: Odo's Brand Of Internalised Homophobia Doesn't Stem From Heteronormativity. It Stems From The Fact That He Was Kind Of Assigned Asexual At Birth.

and the show sort of alludes to this, for real! not just subtext! canon! except the writers used the wrong person. 

because instead of Odo having these Forbidden Feelings for Quark he has them for,,, Kira.

but since this is My Quodo Manifesto you’ll understand that i am 100% willing to just toss that part of canon out the airlock.

so Odo does canonically have that mindset of “no one could ever love me”  for decades he repressed any and all feelings of love to avoid getting hurt. in the show he breaks this cycle of repression when he takes a chance and enters a relationship with Kira. yay?

but we all know that aint it chief. and part of the reason why That Ship Ain’t It is the fact that Quark is Right There. and he is simply the more interesting choice for odo.

he and Odo literally share the same problem and have weird intertwined character arcs! they are both dreadfully afraid of not conforming to the ideal versions of themselves, so they reject everything that could challenge their Performance!

on some fucked up level they hate each other *and* themselves individually. and this hatred makes them reject parts of their real identities for the sake of protecting their image. which. yknow. in gay people. is internalised homophobia!

so you can see that they’re both repressing A Lot even if you view them as Friends, but the most important thing in this kind of romantic dynamic is usually,,, when the characters *stop* repressing.

and the thing is. the thing that Kills Me with these two. They Never Get That Moment. Thats Why You Need The Brainrot To See Them As Romantic.

The Ascent gives us an example of what happens when they both take their act too far. I mean, who could forget “Fascist!” and “Fraud!” That is what odo thinks of quark’s performance and vice versa, but we don’t really hear them adress the fact that they *are* playing these roles to a ridiculous extent.

We also never get an example of what would happen if they dropped their act instead of over-performing it. or rather we don’t get to see both of them drop it.

And the reason why we never get that moment is because there’s this one key difference between Quark and Odo. 

Quark knows that he’s constantly repressing his true nature and his feelings for odo. We pretty much hear him say so in the iconic root beer scene in Way Of The Warrior. he knows that he’s not a good ferengi but he keeps up his act.

So quark is aware enough to feel that sweet sweet self loathing. But Odo isnt self loathing as much as he is just self sabotaging.

and this subtle difference between them is why, at the very end of the show, we get “That man loves me, can’t you see? It was written all over his back!”

this moment is quark dropping his act and asking odo to do the same. he wants to hear a genuine Goodbye from him because they have known each other for Decades and they are Friends. but odo is so unable to express the feelings he’s been repressing all these years. that he self sabotages again and just walks away.

even though this is like. very anticlimactic. considering I just spent 2000 words talking about how Odo and Quark are Most Certainly Gay For Each Other.

The fact that their ending is so Weird is the reason why quodo is so engaging and appealing to me? especially post-canon quodo.

like, the amount of “what if’s” this ship has are Astounding.

What if either of them had dropped their act a little sooner? What if they both did, for just a moment, and it was the straw that breaks the camels back?

What if Odo comes back after a few years? What if Quark comes to get him?

What if, in that moment in the finale where Quark drops his act, Odo had returned the gesture? What if Gag-Reel Quodo Kiss.gif Real?

with the depth that I read into their relationship, those what ifs are really fun to think about.

anyway its 1 am and i’m not an english major so literary analysis is not like, my strong suit. plus most of this was written in a late night screaming session with a friend who has the exact same opinions as me. i just think aliens hot and in love. thats all.

[qandgay]

I've just started looking into terms like agender and nonbinary because I've always never really felt like a girl. I don't even know what it means to be a guy or girl, other than from stereotypes n stuff idrk what it means. Idk even know if I'm using my pronouns right,, cuz I use they, she, and he and switch around a lot. I could talk about myself with only he for a whole paragraph and then switch from she and they in a single sentence the next. I just think im doing it wrong and its gonna be upsetting for other people who actually understand how to use 3 pronouns. Trying all this feels like im invalidating other people's identity, since I don't fully understand but am I?

Sorry if this makes 0 sense its super early rn

You can never be wrong if you're using pronouns or labels you feel comfortable with. I know that the whole process of questioning can be super tricky and hard to deal with, but you have to remember that if you're using pronouns or a label with good faith in mind then you can never be wrong to do so. Plenty of people use those pronouns in that way. You're not alone! And you're valid!

Mod Greedy

[magnusgoetia]

Transcript of a Sinner’s Conversation: A Meeting with Caecus

--Begin (In Medias Res)--

Sinner: You kiddin'? Dyin' was the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Caecus: There’s nothing you left behind? No family to miss?

Sinner: My family? Fuck 'em, I'd ‘ave hired 'elp to kill 'em already if it meant they'd be dead-dead, and I wouldn't have to spend time wiv 'em down 'ere. It wouldn't be right for me to force this on my friends either, but they'll be 'ere in due time anyway. I can wait.

Caecus: So, you’re expecting your friends to join you here as well. The wait must be awfully lonely.

Sinner: Ah, not really. I’ve made friends while I’m ‘ere. The shit I can do ‘ere is like, fucking magic and with it I can make up for what I lack in a lot of different ways. Just wish I could remember how I ‘ad died.

Caecus: Maybe it’s better not to remember… Not all of us intended to be here, after all.

Sinner: No. No, perhaps it’s best not to remember. I quickly found out that it's not just evil folks that end up here, lots of good folks, plenty of weird ones too. I'm sensing you’re of the “gooder” ones, you radiate...well, it’s 'ard to describe, but I don't sense any hostility from you at the very least, even though you were born ‘ere.

Caecus: How amiable of you. But remember, a birth is just a new beginning of sorts. You couldn’t have been alone since you were… delivered to us.

Sinner: Ah, you’re a poetic type aren’t ya? Anyway, I’ve not made many friends but I do ‘ave a particular fondness for this one clown...me an' 'im seem to 'ave this weird connection wiv each other. Actually, he's more of a jester type, though rather embarrassingly his name escapes me...

Caecus: Are you, by chance, referring to an imp named Blocko?

Sinner: Yeah, don’t surprise me you know ‘im. He seems like the type to ‘ave a particular reputation.

Caecus: That he does, and yet a divine will connects us. I’m being led to believe your intriguing appearance has an even more… intriguing history.

Sinner: Riiiight...Well, you know what they say about skeletons and closets. Though I suppose I ‘ave nothing to hide ‘ere...Well, to put it simply, I was a broken kid. I never got help, and I did... unspeakable things to anyone who ‘ad wronged me—or simply didn't like.

Caecus: Even the purest of souls can be corrupted by another’s sins.

Sinner: Yeah...Well, it's not like I'll stop doin’ what I did while I was alive, with all that murder and hedonism. Though death has a way of humbling some people...In any case, the murders mostly stopped as I grew older. I seemed to have preferred to just traumatise people instead, ruin lives of the people I saw as bad or evil.

Caecus: Then you found a different punishment for those you had judged.

Sinner: I suppose so. A lot of it involved me spying on groups of people. I'd worm my way into the seedy societies that thought they were safe in their little circles and collect dirt on them. Really sick shit too by the way but don’t worry, the hypocrisy wasn’t lost on me either.

Caecus: Oh? You judged yourself a hypocrite yet continued along a path of self-appointed righteousness... Why?

Sinner: I don’t know, maybe a sense of catharsis? A lot of these were people who I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about killing or whatever. Sometimes it was more personal too, there were—still are people I am attached to up there that got hurt, and I took my revenge on them in their place.

Caecus: Ahh, how noble. Fighting for your friends.

Sinner: Yeah, there was this one particular bastard. Actually, there were a few…but…eh, nevermind…this one particular guy who was essentially lying to one of these “friends” and caused them a psychotic breakdown. I didn’t take action right away, but I did end up killing ‘im. Didn’t even bother hiding the fact it was a murder.

Caecus: What made you wait?

Sinner: Money, mostly. It makes the world up there spin, and you need a lot of it to get anything done, right? Well, I ‘ad to wait until I ‘ad enough money to fly to the states on top of all that shit involved in immigratin’. When I settled in, that’s when I made my move on a buncha grudges. This guy was just the first. Moving to the states made my life a lot easier in some ways. Was a lot easier to sleep when I took care of the grudges too.

Caecus: Oh, wow. You must have had remarkable resolve to keep a “grudge” that long… Tell me, did all of them truly deserve it?

Sinner: No, most didn’t, but I am…was, an angry person. I found I was very much capable of venting my anger, to put it mildly, and I was much too young when I had...shall we say...discovered it.

Caecus: Young minds are impressionable.

Sinner: Right, and the fact that I was generally good at getting away with it made me feel just that little bit better about it.

Caecus: So, you exploited that validation to continue justifying your actions. Most sinners in your position never reach awareness...

Sinner: Yeah? I’ll take that as a compliment, but I was totally emotionally disconnected when committing my crimes. Afterwards I pretty much always dealt with conflict. Cognitive dissonance is a bitch. Though I had largely stopped my ways. I’m ‘aving way too much fun down ‘ere, and even though I won’t drag ‘em down here with me, I’d love to have my friends join me eventually.

Caecus: Would they be pleased being here, embrace this existence like you have?

Sinner: I dunno, some of them have a hard enough time as it is with one existence, I doubt they’ll be too happy to find out there’s another waitin’ for ‘em. The others I’d imagine would be quite surprised all the same, being atheists and such, but I reckon they’d come to like it.

Caecus: An existence you cannot escape is itself a prison. Albeit, choosing to enjoy it in spite of that perspective is a marvelous thing. If you could imagine them in your presence, what would you do?

Sinner: Again, I dunno. It’s hard to tell when they’re not here yet but I am somewhat interested in what’ll end up happening should they get here. I dunno if I’ll be able to tell if it’s them even.

Caecus: And how do you dare to enjoy existence now?

Sinner: Well, I’ve been doing everything I’ve ever wanted to do but could never do in life amongst other things. It’s kinda embarrassing, but I played a bunch of video games, so I miss those quite a bit. I’ve found plenty of ways to fill that void though. Some of your movies are pretty sick down ‘ere, and importing goods from the other rings to ‘ere means I don’t miss out…mostly, on their fun too. I just wish I could explore the other rings; I don’t get why us sinners can’t.

Caecus: Decretum is often difficult to understand. However, it would seem a blessing that you’ve been placed with the multifarious company of the pride ring.

Sinner: True enough, whatever that means. There’s a lot of strip clubs, greedy businesses and shit, stuff you think you’d only find in the other rings. Though I think I probably would’ve ended up in wrath if we landed in the rings based on our sins.

Caecus: Most catechisms view wrath as an excessive anger. You strike me as having more control than the average sinner.

Sinner: A lot of people on the surface woulda said the same too, I was and I suppose still am really good at keeping it in check, well, good enough to not make it obvious anyway. Though it’s been a lot tougher down here.

Caecus: This is a realm of collective temptation, after all.

Sinner: My only judge here is myself and perhaps my peers if I let them. I still kill down here, but it’s been in self-defence. I don’t think I’ve killed anyone out of anger yet but let’s just say I’d feel sorry for the poor sod who happened to piss me off on a bad day.

Caecus: You’ve always been your own judge. I suspect the lack of good comparisons for your behavior here has coaxed you further.

Sinner: Actually, I could tell you about the first person I “killed” down here. It was soon after I woke up. I suppose this guy thought it’d be easy—fresh sinner, just in time to be another tally mark on some statistic.

Caecus: A second death, the lake of fire…

Sinner: Uh...yeah, I reacted on instinct and it musta been a sort of “kiss of death” type shit. I only touched the dude with my hand, and he just kinda…shrivelled up and died. You know…like when a cartoon character eats a lemo—ah sorry, you can’t watch TV.

Caecus: Ah, yes… a shrivelling death is nevertheless descriptive.

Sinner: Anyway, I have a bunch of other powers too but that one I’m most afraid of you know? I can drop the ambient temperature of an area so shit gets cold, have some form of telekinesis and a buncha other stuff, like I have some kinda control over this weird glowy energy, it’s how I have my eyes, which are purely for show, I don’t need them since I can see perfectly fine without ‘em...not that you’d know I even have ‘em.

Caecus: I’m aware you observe our world, in a traditional sense. My observations are just a bit more… unorthodox. And I feel as if your fear is not from a lack of understanding.

Sinner: Well I seem to have it under control, but I’m afraid in a moment of weakness I might react without thinking, you know? I’ve not had it happen yet, but it would be so easy when flippin’ out that I just give ‘em the ol’ touch of death.

Caecus: Even a king’s heart is just a stream of water to the hand of… fate.

Sinner: Gonna be honest, I haven’t the foggiest of what you just said. Though if I’m being honest myself, I couldn’t care less if it was someone I didn’t know anyway. Only really care about my friends and such. You seem pretty neat yourself.

Caecus: The impression is mutual. It’s not often that I’m seen as anything other than senseless and intimidating. I don’t find it unwarranted, granted; my appearance is as disconcerting as my psyche.

Sinner: How do you even know what you look like? It’s not like you can just look into a mirror.

Caecus: I was presented with a vision soon before I arrived, my last blessing I suppose… Regardless, my rebirth is a tale for another time. I’ve relished in your company long enough, and I must answer my calling. I’m sure our paths will converge again.

Sinner: Hey, I hope so too...uh....

Caecus: Please, call me Caecus.

Sinner: Well, it’s only polite to give you my name too. I go by many names here, but I am quite fond of “Mr. Death” as silly as it sounds.

Caecus: Silly, yes, but very becoming of you. A pleasure, Mr. Death.

Mr. Death:Well, don’t let me keep you. I’d like to see you again sometime, Caecus. I’ll take my leave.

Caecus: All in due time.

--End--

[lesbiancarat]

Haha its fine! Im book anon for a reason so take all the time you need! Before I start, I wanna apologize for the possible asks you got about the merch and hybe in general. I didn't intend to cause stress and need to be careful bdjahdsj so slap me with a fish!

Onto the ask! But agreed, I mean before the big kpop boom we saw, this was very common. Build a decent fanbase and then move to Japan or China. (Of course sometimes you see INSTANT movement in other countries but that depends on the company and such but you know what I mean) but since we do have the more global kpop era, we may see more companies do America which isn't a bad thing. It makes sense buisness wise so they will jump on it after debut or something. Thus I don't see it a bad thing for kpop groups to promote in America because hey, if in Korea they do sell western artist music who also tour there, kpop groups can also do the same ya know?

Now onto the hybe comment, I will try not to speak too much on it so I will try to summarize. I think my theory is due with merch from their main artist, they think maybe it could work with svt which maybe could but svt has a different fanbase so throwing on random merch won't make fans really want to buy (not saying some won't which kudos to you! As a fan you are allowed to consume what you please except not be a bad apple about it) so thus like the infamous water bottles which was done for bts, they thought why not do it for svt because bts fans sold it out apparently for a 2nd wave of it being sold again. (Which to this day idk why someone in the hybe team thought this was smart. Like...this is just in bad taste imo) I do wanna agree that it appears that hybe doesn't seem to have a proper art team for svt because while sometimes wild, I do know for their main artist they do have thoughtful merch based around say an album concept I recall. Kf course they will make mistakes i.e. the water bottles. I do wish it can improve because even though it is capitalism, I think fans do want decent merch. We have seen interesting ideas like svt making their own magazine and selling it lol. Of course it is hard to please because some fans want subtle merch ideas while others don't mind the vibrant pastel colors we got or some want wild ideas like svt figurines or something. Overall I hope I didn't drag this too much as I just wanted to respond back to you, I agree with many points you said so yeah cx I say let's also wait as this is barely what, a year or even less of svt being under hybe properly. Especially when hybe had its rebranding and expanding so things are being changed, I know fans are worried about this which is valid but let's not panic just yet. Let's come back in a year to this and see what has improved and what hasn't. (OK but peldis sold the boys rings!? :o since when!? I haven't heard of this actually, when did this happen if I may ask?)

Oof yeah sadly with streaming, many view "oh you don't stream it means you aren't a fan" when isn't the case (which is why I personally don't like when certain companies also do "listening parties" which seems a bit ???) I do remember this popped up big in 2017 but many fans called it out so it quiet down a bit. Like we didn't see it so often where fans were causing problems over it so idk why this returned nor what the cause of it was.

But thank you!! It really was a nice closing chapter, I think when I have personal stuff settled I will try maybe get a new bunny? And oohh congrats on the album! (Note to hybe or pledis. Please make the us store a more common thing, it makes things so much easier! Am happy it was at your place quick so kudos to the us store. Oohh wonderful choices! I think for many fans anyone or heaven's cloud seems to be the popular picks? For me, I may have to say game boi or heaven's cloud as well! Those songs make me just so happy? Like game boy is just so creative with the way it was made. As a video game nerd, it is perfection. I could make an essay about this song lol and heaven's cloud is just...wow. I feel so at ease with the song, comfortable and soothed. Like you are on a cloud lol. Also that is totally fine! Rtl was a grower for me (I blame the mv, it didn't do the song jusitice) but it is a bop and can't stop humming the chorus at random moments. Overall a great summer album. Just imagine any of these songs performed live ndjansns

lol don't feel too bad about it! honestly they weren't that bad + i can always delete asks if i really don't want to answer them, i just always get a bit paranoid that things will get out of hand so i may end up getting more serious in those situations OTL

and yeah i agree! i don't think it's a bad thing for groups to promote in the US, as you said, it's similar to groups expanding their fanbase by promoting in china or Japan or other asian counties, it makes sense from a business standpoint and there's nothing wrong with promoting in different countries. i just wish that some kpop stans understood that western and/or global popularity is a bonus and not a requirement for success. while they do have a global appeal, at the end of the day kpop's main audience is korea, and groups that achieve popularity in Korea have already achieved what they set out to do. but there's unfortunately a decent chunk of international fans that prioritize western popularity over anything and can't fathom that a group can be successful without being popular in the US. or they just talk as if their groups western achievements are more valuable than their Korean ones and to me that starts to look like xenophobia... (sorry if I'm repeating anything i said before in regards to this, i feel like i am but I'm too lazy to go back and check OTL)

since you sent this ask hybe released the caratland merch which was actually really nice, and today they also announced that there will be birthday merch for cheol (and presumably all members from here on out). we don't know what the bday merch is yet but some carats are already a bit miffed that hybe is even thinking to capitalize off the boys' birthdays... i bring both of these up bc i feel like the caratland merch proves your point that hybe is capable of designing good and thoughtful merch, and honestly this does reassure me a bit. but on the other hand them trying to capitalize off the boys' birthdays also proves that they still don't fully understand carats wants and priorities as a fanbase. which, if the future of seventeens merch is gonna be quality merch with some shitty cash grabs in between, i can live with that. I'm not gonna like the shitty cash grabs and i think it would be in our best interest as a fandom to not go crazy buying those shitty cash grabs, because if we don't then hybe will hopefully stop wasting their time and put more effort into /quality/. but if we get quality merch for important events like concerts and fanmeetings, i can live with it. as you said too, it can take time for these things to change, and we should all recognize that. but at the same time merch specifically is market driven, so i don't think it's a bad thing if people like @ hybe on twt about any bad merch that comes out in order to drive that change dhfkfj

but also on a maybe more fun note in regards to the merch... with some carats being upset about the bday merch i was thinking about what hybe could do for merch instead that would fill the niche of being at intervals throughout the year that could still be limited time drops but that carats wouldn't be mad at them capitalizing on and then i was like duh! they could literally just make merch off of going seventeen! honestly I'm surprised they haven't yet. maybe not merch for every episode, but they could have a line of permanent gose merch w a basic logo or something and then release limited time merch themed around some of the more popular episodes at various points during the year. I'm actually kind of obsessed with this idea now and for once I'm like hybe/pledis please capitalize off of this!! dhfkgjg

they never actually sold them, but for seventeens 3rd anniversary, pledis planned to sell replicas of seventeens rings. after it was announced carats were understandably upset since the boys worked so hard for those. luckily pledis heard carats concerns and put out an apology and didn't manufacture them in the end. I'm glad that at least they listened to carats even though it would have been better if they had never considered the idea in the first place :(

oh yeah listening parties are definitely just another marketing technique to boost streams. i think like with a lot of marketing techniques, it just depends on the execution. imo if they're done well it can be a good way for fans to connect while listening to an artists music, which is mutually beneficial for the company, but i can totally see a situation where companies get greedy and push it too hard. i don't know anything about what happened with them back in the day, but if you're curious why SVT had listening parties leading up to your choice, they were set up by UMG, the American distributor that SVT worked with for this cb. in this case the listening parties weren't just for boosting streams, but also likely for UMG to gauge interest. SVT isn't officially signed to a US label yet, but UMG's data from the listening parties could be used to show US labels whether or not there's enough interest for them to be signed. which if that happens we'd almost definitely see a more permanent US shop!

ahh yes, once you're ready I'm sure it would be great to have another bunny companion 🥺

yes! heavens cloud and gam3 bo1 are both such feel good songs! my sister actually added heavens cloud to their Spotify after i made them listen to the album in the car dhfkf it's now one of 6 kpop songs they have saved (4 of which are SVT... my influence 💅 DHFJFH) I'm certain we'll see some of the songs from your choice at caratland this year, hopefully it's all of them but I'd especially like to see heavens cloud and wave 👀 I'm also still crossing my fingers for an i wish live performance bc i can't believe my favorite SVT b-side is one of the TWO tracks they haven't performed live not including the new album (the other one being network love, which i would also like to see live!)

[adverb-slut]

Can I get some Mammon fluff? Like he or MC are upset about something and they come to one another for cuddles? I think that's cute.... Plus I'm in need of a hug 🤗

Sorry, anon this took so long!!!  Mammon was being a butthead throughout this whole fic and was not cooperating!  And this is not exactly cuddling, but I hope it suffices!  AND OMG ANON YOU SHALL BE HUGGED  🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 Also, as usual, this story can be read on AO3 here.  Additionally, I have a few more writing requests to do, but feel free to send more if you’d like!

Title:

Avatar of Greed

Summary:

Mammon barges into your room very upset. You may not have all the answers, but you sure know when someone is in need of a hug and a listening ear.

Genre:

Angst/Comfort/Fluff

Rating:

G

Word Count:

1606

-

You tap your fingers on your desk and stare daggers at your Poison Lore 1001 homework.  Your assignment is to create an extremely volatile aphrodisiac using belladonna, hemlock, and another toxic, yet arcane plant native to the Devildom—which is what stumps you, because as a human, how are you supposed to know what toxic plants are native to the Devildom!?  

You growl in frustration.  You aren’t supposed to use the internet to acquaint yourself with said plant and you can’t find your library card in order to check out a book at the Royal Library to find out what it might be.

Resting your head on your desk, you sigh.  Before you can decide that the assignment is a lost cause, you hear your bedroom door swing open.  Someone stomps in and sighs dramatically; you can hear them flop onto your bed. You already know who it is before they say a word.

“Mammon,” you groan, not raising your head.  “What did I say about sitting on my bed?”

“‘None of the members of the House of Lamentation are allowed on MC’s bed,’” he recites.  He pauses and then amends, “‘Cept for the Great Mammon, ‘cause he was MC’s first.”  

You moan and turn behind you, where you see Mammon lying all starfish-like on your bed.  “I don’t remember adding the last part.” You walk over and poke him. “Get off.”

“No,” Mammon whines, slinking further into the sheets. “MC, ya gotta let me stay.” 

Again, you poke him.  “Why?”

He sighs.  “Just do it, okay?”

Surprised with his answer, you finally decide your homework is most definitely not going to get done and scoot onto the bed with him, sitting on your pillows with Mammon sprawled out in front of you.  Absentmindedly, you fiddle with his hair, not noticing the blush that spreads across his face as you do so.  

“St—sto—”  he sputters incoherently for a few moments, before closing his eyes and retreating to silence.  The two of you sit like that quietly for a spell, before he breaks it again. “MC,” he begins, his voice so faint that you barely can hear it, “d’ya think I’m annoyin’?”

You don’t miss a beat as you continue playing with his hair and answer, “Yes.”

“Whaddaya mean by that, huh?” he demands, his blush growing even deeper and his eyes flying open.  “Didn’t ya hear what I asked? I asked if ya thought I was annoyin’!”  

“I know; I said ‘yes.’”  He doesn’t see the tiny smirk that forms at the corner of your mouth.

Mammon fidgets, his face tomato red now.  “K—keep talkin’ like that MC, and I might actually believe ya!”  He pauses again, and sits up, turning behind to look at you. He looks down and his voice turns into a whisper.  “… Do you really think that, though?”

You look at him, raising your eyebrows.  Before he had looked down, you had seen something in his dark blue eyes—something you hadn’t noticed before.  

You had always noticed the pools of a desire for validation that rippled in his dark sapphire irises, but today—today, you saw thin streams of desperation swirling amongst them, as well.  You decide that the time for teasing the tsundere, tsundere demon is over. You pull him back down, letting his head rest on your lap and scoop a pillow off your bed.

“Wh—whoa, MC!” he exclaims.   You didn’t think his face could get any redder, but somehow it does.  “I know you’re desperate for The Mammon, but ya didn’t even answer my que—”

Before the fool can finish his sentence, you whomp your pillow across his head.  You blush, grit your teeth, and answer his initial question, saying, “If I found you annoying, I wouldn’t sit here and listen to you babble, would I?”  

Mammon coughs in embarrassment and wisely avoids eye contact—a fact which you are very grateful for, because what would you do if he saw how red your face was now?

You try to regain your composure.  You clear your throat and wonder, “Why do you ask?”  You ponder if one of his brothers had said something to him for him to ask such a question, but then you remember Mammon’s neverending patience when it came to the verbal lashings that his brothers magnanimously granted to him. 

“It’s nothin’.”

You remember the desperation you had seen in his eyes and in your most wheedlesome tone, cajole “Come on, say.”

“I told ya, it’s nothin’ for you to worry about, MC.”

“Please say.”  You take a deep breath and muster your sweetest voice.  “For  me?“

“AAAH!” he grumbles, nestling his head deeper into your lap.  “MC, you know damn well that I can’t say no when ya use that voice!”

You smile in satisfaction and amuse your fingers in his hair once more.  “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Mammon turns to his side so you can no longer see his face and sighs.  “Fine.” He takes a deep breath. “MC, what sin am I the Avatar of?”

“Stupidity.”  The tease pops out of your mouth without your consent.  

“HEY!  Stupidity’s not a sin and you know it!”  

You stifle a laugh as you notice that he doesn’t deny his idiocy and try to remain serious.  “Alright, alright. I know you’re the Avatar of Greed.”

“Mm-hm,” he agrees.  “And ya know what? I’m damn good at what I do.”  Mammon’s confident tone falters for a moment. “Sure, I’m klepto as hell, but it’s not like I can help that … y’know?”  He pauses. “I’m greedy—it’s who I am. When I see somethin’ I like, I gotta have it, no matter what.” You don’t notice that he lightly coils his fingers around your calf as he says this.  

Saying nothing, you nod at his spiel.  You know the secondborn demon well enough to realize that he has more to say.  

And he does.  His voice lowers to a whisper and he wonders, “Then why am I always gettin’ blamed for bein’ who I am, huh?”  You can feel his head shake in your lap. “Sure, I guess me lootin’ stuff isn’t fun for everyone, but it’s not like I can help it—it’s instinct.”

You’re not sure how to answer his question, so you continue your silence and let him talk.  

“But hey, doesn’t everyone notice that it also ain’t fun for all of us to have to explain to the whole class why Belphie’s sleepin’ during lecture again or to open the fridge and realize Beel’s eaten damn near everything?  Or hey, do they think it’s easier to have Asmo hittin’ on everything with a pulse?  Maybe it’s better for Satan to blow up the House in some kinda tantrum or to have Levi freak the fuck out ‘cause some rando on the internet has a Ruri-chan figure that he doesn’t?  Or to know that Lucifer—” his voice breaks, but he swallows quickly and continues, “—to know that Lucifer’s so fuckin’  perfect that I can’t think of any flaws for him?”

Even though you vowed not to interrupt him, you decide it’s best to cut him off there.  “Lucifer’s not perfect.”

“Trust me—” Mammon’s voice breaks again as he turns his head deeper into your lap.  “—trust me, MC, I know that! Ignore ‘im for a minute here.” He sighs and pivots so that he faces the ceiling, and you can see that his eyes are ever-so-slightly glassy.  “Just … why’s that okay, huh? Why’s everything all hunky-dory for them when they’re givin’ into their sin, but all pitchforks ‘n’ torches for Mammon?”

You pull your hands out of his hair and bring them around his shoulders.  For once, he’s too distraught to blush. You’re not sure why his brothers act the way they do, but you are sure of the response he needs.  “It’s not fair.”

“No,” he mutters, “it ain’t.  And it’s not like it bothers me a lot, but sometimes … when I get to thinkin’ … ”

That’s when you realize that the desperation you had seen earlier in his eyes wasn’t just his desperation to be validated, but desperation for someone to just listen to what he was saying.  

You’d seen how the other six demons reacted when Mammon spoke—they’d tromp over him (although … could you really blame them?  Mammon’s dialogue usually made it clear that he was merely operating on one brain cell). Perhaps it was in an effort to tease, but even then there was only so much a demon can suffer.  You’re even more thankful now that you had let him monologue for so long. If anyone deserved to, it was the silly secondborn. 

You don’t even have to think as you yank him into a seated position and wrap your arms around his back tightly; you don’t let go as you slowly rub circles into his back.  Graciously, you decide to do him a favor and not make the adorable little squeak! he elicited as you did so public knowledge.

“H—hey, MC!  Ya don’t have to feel sorry for me or anythin’!”  He blushes, having regained some of his cockiness.  “I’m a demon for cryin’ out loud!  I don’t need a hug!”  Nevertheless, he takes a deep breath and leans into you.   

Your head is nuzzled into his hair as you murmur, “Shh … everyone needs a hug, sometimes.”

You feel his body stiffen and you worry that that was the wrong thing to say.  However, Mammon turns around and wraps his arms around you, just as tightly.  

You breathe warmly into him and stifle a laugh when he meekly asks, “Y—you’re not gonna do this for my brothers, right?”

“Never.”

[cocona]

[redacted]

me: 🤣😑😡🤬🥺🥴😐😳🤪😫🙄🥰😴😖😭😤

[liquorisce]

‘lover’

written for kyoru week, day 4 prompt - lover

@kyoruweekofficial​ ‘s (tysm for organizing

pairing: kyoru, kyo x tohru

fandom: fruits basket

rating: M. this is smut, my loves, i know it starts off kinda pure, but beware. (well i think my otp having sex is pure so fight me.) 

summary: tohru is aggressive and vulnerable (and pregnant). and kyo is weak for it.

Kyo was 16 when he admitted to himself that he loved Tohru. It was simpler at the time because he loved her in a way that you only love someone when you know your love will not be returned, so you give and give and give till your heart was sore, but you still found it in you to give some more. 

But 8 years later, that same love is more complex, because she is by his side, and she returns his love, but tenfold, so much that his heart has forgotten the soreness that it once knew so well. It’s complex and it’s beautiful because the years have changed them, like seasons - shy, needy, bold… comfortable.

And he revels in this comfort, in watching her make her way to their bed, the same way she’s done countless times over the years, but now she’s in a sheer white nightgown, and her belly swells slightly. It’s a moment of wonder for him, everytime he sees her, sees her bump - their little bump - that he’s made it this far, with her by his side, and now they’re about to embark on a completely new journey. 

Tohru is restless tonight and she sits up a while longer, watching the night sky. 

Kyo watches her, quietly, embarrassingly, and feels a tingle as he notices the curves of her body, bathed in moonlight, stunning through her see-through nightgown. 

But he is mindful and restrained, as he ignores the heat from her body, dropping a chaste kiss on her bare thigh. 

When Tohru turns to look at him, her gaze is unreadable. 

It’s startlingly different, outside of his comfort zone, he likes when he can read her expressions, her moods, her touches. 

“… Kyo-kun?” she whispers, and he wonders if her eyes are just the slightest bit glassy, so he responds with touch, the way he knows best, sitting up and wrapping an arm around her, murmuring, “… yeah?” 

“… Do I look… weird… like this?”

He’s a bit stumped at this question, because in the 8 years that he’s had the privilege of loving her, he can testify that he has most certainly, never thought she looked… weird. “Erm, Tohru, I’m not really sure what you,” - 

She caresses the swell of her stomach softly.  “Oh,” he articulates intelligently, “… I,” - 

But he doesn’t get a chance to stumble through explanations because she kisses him, suddenly, aggressive in a way that’s not usual for her. But Kyo is eager to lap it up, flicking his tongue into her mouth. She slips her hands into his hair, pulling him closer, and as someone who truly believed he would never have this closeness, he cherishes it, presses himself against her, and lets his hands caress the sides of her belly. 

“Does Kyo-kun,” she mumbles, between kisses, “still… want me?”  

He pulls himself back, and watches her for a moment, her cheeks flushed. “… Tohru, why would you even ask something like that?” Because it’s been so obvious, he thinks, he’s always wanted her… even when he wasn’t supposed to. 

“Because,” he sees her hesitate, “… I want you, Kyo-kun, and of late it feels like… you don’t feel the same way.” 

And now he’s even more stupefied because he’s not that great with words, especially not in a pinch, so how is he supposed to explain to her that there will never be a day where he doesn’t want her anymore? 

“… God, Tohru,” he murmurs, peppering kisses along her jaw, “… seriously, I wish you could read my mind sometimes…” 

“… But you barely initiate it anymore, I thought,” -  

“You’re an idiot,” he mutters hoarsely, because how could he possibly explain just how much he wants her, how much he wants to touch her, to explore her changing body, to bury himself deep inside her, especially when she looks so beautifully vulnerable. He kisses her roughly, heat suffusing in his touch, as he gives into his curious desire. He’d done his best to hold back, because that’s what he’d been told… make sure she rests, be careful with her, they said… but, “I didn’t mean to make you feel like… like you weren’t…,” wanted. 

Tohru is emboldened by his awkwardly gentle validation, his hands on parts of her that had grown cold waiting for his touch, thrusting into him as she deepens her kisses, asking for more, greedy, wanting.

“… Wait,” he mumbles, powerless as she positions herself onto his lap, lips at his ear. “Are you sure… ah,” he’s cut off as she finds friction against him, his body reacting completely different to his cautionary advice. She’s taking charge today, and ordinarily he’d love it - and he does, his body reminds him, but this pregnancy, it’s new, and scary, and, “... Kyo-kun, you’re not touching me,” she complains, lips pouted and wet, and so alluring that he can’t help himself. How can he not give her what she wants when she asks so sweetly? 

And she is sweet, he reminds himself of that as he gives into her mouth, pure heat, and just a little bit of teeth, his hands sinking into her hips. It’s so new, knowing Tohru this way, her hips rounder and her chest softer, and it’s glorious. He’d always revelled in the feeling of her against him, and now it was just so much… more. He wonders if it’s the same for her, because it’s also the way she reacts, the sounds she makes, like she feels everything so much more intensely.  

He sees it in the little gasp she lets out as she sinks down on top of him, and she’s so wet, he isn’t prepared for just how warm she feels, so his fingers grab onto the curve of her bottoms harshly, steadying her, groaning her name. She pushes him down onto the mattress because she’s impatient today, but consciously so, her neck flushed, as she breathes, “… please, I need this,” and Kyo swears there’s no better sight in the world than this, her hair brushing against her breasts as they sway with the movement of her hips, her mouth parted in pleasure, so he lets her set her pace, needy, a little bit irregular, but incredibly hypnotic. 

“… Tohru,” he gasps, the word broken amidst his laboured breathing, because she’s really picking up the pace, and he can’t keep this up, and he tries to tell her with his hands, squeezing wantonly around her breasts but it only intensifies this feeling, especially with her sweet whispers of “ah, Kyo, you feel so good…”. 

He wants to watch her enjoy it, he really does, but the sight and feel of her is already too much, his head thrown back, panting. “Oh,” he whispers, “please,” slow down is what he desperately wants to say, but it’s too much, and it’s too incredible, and Kyo is only human. 

“Tohru, I’m gonna,” he whispers urgently, lifting himself up to steady her, but his words can’t catch up with his body, and he releases into her, shuddering, his lips feverish against her chest. 

This is an embarrassing moment he hasn’t had in years, and he feels guilty, but it’s amazing because Tohru’s still arching, grinding against him, and it’s so rare, he loves it, these precious moments when she selfishly seeks her own pleasure. “Hey,” he rasps, nipping down on the tips of her breasts, successfully returning her dazed gaze towards him, as he gently pushes her off of him. 

“… I… want to make you feel good too.” 

“Wha… I,” she colours, snapping out of her daze as she squeezes her thighs, shivering when she feels the extra wetness. “Kyo-kun it’s okay,” she mumbles, but he’s laying her down and there’s a small smile playing out on his lips, his hair disheveled beautifully, as he settles himself between her legs with purpose. 

She squeezes her eyes shut, because she knows what he’s going to do, and they’ve been together for so long but she still doesn’t know what to do with herself when - “ah, Kyo-kun,” - he goes to work with his tongue. 

And he’s really, really, good, because he knows her by now, knows that she’s pretty and polite, but she likes to be tortured slowly, lavishing gently, nipping sometimes just slightly, even if she struggles a little bit to let go of herself under him this way. 

She could be wrong, but she begins to suspect that Kyo doesn’t mind the taste of him (off her), because he doesn’t restrain himself, giving generously, unafraid of the wet noises her body makes, his grip firmly keeping her legs splayed for him. 

He lets up for air, and she chances a look at him, his tongue reaching out to lick at his lips, glistening because of her, and he catches her eyes, and his look smoulders. 

And it really does burn, in the pit of her belly, as Kyo reaches a thumb out to flick lazily where he knows she likes it best, but she lets him know anyway with her gasps, her incoherent begging that intensifies when he slips two fingers within her, setting a pace that really doesn’t fit with his requests for carefulness thirty minutes ago.  

He sees her quicken and knows she’s close, so instead of finishing her off like he knows she desperately wants, his cruel streak comes to play as he murmurs, “… in such a hurry today, huh,” as he languidly slips the same two fingers into her parted mouth. 

It’s unbelievably erotic. 

And she feels it through her body as she quivers, her tongue automatically swirling around his fingers, sucking lightly.  

He likes it, and it shows in his eyes, in the way they darken, and he brings his lips to hers hungrily. His kisses are intoxicating, a heady buzz spreading over her skin when his fingers are back on her clit, rough, exacting, and all she can do is keen against him, breath hot against his lips as she splinters, falling back onto the bed, her arms loosely pulling him down with her. 

He settles beside her, draping her in his arms, as he feels her breathing slow. He can feel himself get excited again, because he enjoys it, watching her come apart under his mouth, his fingers. But he can see her eyes drooping, blissfully sated and that satisfies him in a completely different, ridiculously cheesy, heart-full-of-love kind of way. 

He reaches over and places a soft kiss on her jaw as he sighs, muttering. “… You’re supposed to be resting, you crazy woman, not riding your husband dry.” 

She giggles, breathy, “… Well, I didn’t hear you complaining when it was happening.” 

- fin - 

[enormous-moose]

People are just making me mad anymore. Buckle up it's a long one today.

I get there are still good people, but everytime I look around I see hateful Christians who can't take it but dish it out like they know the only truth.

I have wanted to move for a while because I know it's where I live but I'd have to move thousands of miles in the middle of the ocean before I was away from these dumbasses.

When I speak I'll of the Christian faith it is in direct response to how I've been treated and what they tell me.

When I say I believe in evolution, they say "so you're saying you're less evolved than me because I know about god." How the fuck does that transfer?! I'd ask for their thiught process to be explained but I honestly do not care anymore.

When I say "I don't worship the Christian God." They say I worship the devil.... 😑 again... Im not a Christian and I don't worship the devil. But their minds can't understand anything not in Christian context.

To them a Norse Pavan can't exist because its not real. We are just kidding ourselves.

Here's where I stand, I perform rituals and I see the gods responding. Christians can pray to their god but never hear an answer... then there's the people running the Christian faith who say you need to give money for the lord to answer your prayers.

I was watching Vikings and it was interesting that Ragnar observed and said, "your God has many riches. He must be greedy." Either that is true or people are scamming innocent people who are easily taken advantage of.

There is a lot wrong with living poor just because the church wants your money. Giving part of your paycheck to a church is ridiculous! Lets be clear, I am not saying charity is wrong. On the contrary I am saying christanity is not a charity and the Christian god is not a charity.. In my opinion if you really want to make sure your contributions are going to the right place and give to charity give to an actual organization. Churches claim to be using funds to help people but pocket their share and there is not system of checks or balances to make sure they don't pocket too much.

My personal experience time:

My family runs a few different churches. I do not play into their get rich schemes so I do not contribute to these actions I am about to share. However I definitely speak out and have many times against them especially any time they suddenly have a new car or have bought a bigger house.

Anyway it starts like this, they wanted to go on a mission trip to Africa. That's fine on paper, they were going to build the tribe a school, hospital, pretty much anything the tribe needed because they were needy.

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: they collected thousands and thousands of dollars. I never knew how much they collected but its a richer community and people tend to give more. So they go to Africa, buy jeeps have the tribe build them a house to live there because they were going to be there for at least a few years. Then they pretty much just had a vacation in Africa where they tipped the virile the money that was made. When they left they left the house that was built to be the tribes church, hospital, school etc...

They ended up cutting their trip short and when they came back they had all this extra money. So wouldn't you know it they moved out to a new area and build three huge houses one for them two for their kids.

A tornado hit that town but didn't even come close to their houses.... they called the family who lived back here and the family made a road trip to them collecting money from churches along the way claiming to help those effected by the tornado...

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: the fam gave all the money to who I choose to call The shit stick clan. Now this town was really hurting after the tornado... some people had to.leave entirely because they couldn't afford to rebuild.

This is a story I use to disprove the Christian God. So much wrong is done in their name. If the Christian God truly existed where is the wrath of this God?

Why are they still in such good fortunes and why do so many people flock back to them agreeing to be poor so they can be rich all in the name of their God? This is not what religion was meant for. I know that for a fact. If you are getting rich because you are exploiting people with your religion I hope fire and brimstone destroy you in the after life. You do not deserve the halls of the gods. Stay in your religion its probably better anyway. I would hate for someone to taint my religion in this same way. I know people exist that do, and who do it for terrible reasons, but honestly paganism is such a personal experience I believe they are their own trouble, one that my gods will take care of in the end.

I do not under any circumstances think mission trips should be a thing. Those are an out dated practice that validates narrow minded conversion tactics. In my experience they have been used to fund vacations, personal gain, and never to help the less fortunate unless there is a clear gain to those who are doing the trip.

Another experience:

My cousin went on a mission trip.... TO LONDON. sorry you are not finding anything in London to convert to your southern Baptist shit show. But I did see the pictures he posted on facebook... climbing the statues, funny faces I front of catholic churches... yeah really doing your gods work there... turns out he was doing some other stuff there too and had to come home early.... looks like Satan drove him out. Hurry rush over and save London before its too late!

What really happened:

He got caught breaking a few laws and trespassing.

A lot was just dumped out but I've really just started to say fuck you to my family and felt you guys should have a reason to hate them too.