#sorry im a bit drunk if you cant tell lmao

[vxlentinescookies]

https://www.tumblr.com/vxlentinescookies/752305264828563456/httpswwwtumblrcomvxlentinescookies7522944908?source=share

Thanks! Tbh I thought I'd vent the idea to see if you likes it before requesting a fic or a drabble of it...yaknow, see how ya like it lol!

And now to turn this into a request:

Can you write a fic or a drabble of this adorable thing when you feel up for it? Couldn't decide which so I'll leave it up to you lol! Btw take your time, remember to hydrate and so on lol! Sending ya a hug....or if you don't like sudden hugs or something, a high five. Lmao!

→ ❛Dragons and Wyverns❜

→ Pairing ;Royal Margarine Cookie x Autistic!Reader → Quote ; ❛❛But the truth is, he could never be mad at you.❜❜ → Genre ; Fluff → A/N ; Eeeeee hope i did this request justice, i hope you like it!!

It was a calm afternoon in the Dragon City, birds chirped, the sunset welcomed the air of the evening, and like everyday, Royal Margarine cookie would come out to boast about his alleged achievements. Of course there would be nothing wrong about that, the children found it cool, the ladies swooned or… only laughed if they knew the truth he revealed when he got drunk or from rumors that ran away, and then, there was you, always by his side to aid in the telling of the story to the best of your capabilities.

“And when all seemed lost, I scoured the skies with my trusty dragon and—”

“Wait, I thought Buttercream was a wy-”

“Ah—!”

He loved you, he really did, he admired your motivation and your knowledge on dragons, even if sometimes like these times, it came into play in the wrong moments. Royal Margarine would shush you rather quickly, attempting to continue the story, but you wouldnt let it go, in fact, attempting to be a bit louder which caused some children to look confused, while the ladies and men would simply laugh to themselves, crossing their arms in a “we’ve caught you” notion. That’d mark the end of the storytime for the “dragon” rider, as both him and his partner would walk home calmly, albeit not without chitchat being made along the way, little chatter about how their day had gone, about what they’d have for dinner, until eventually they’d get to the topic of the storytime.

“Right, sweetheart, about that…” He’d begin scratching the back of his head “I’d appreciate it if you didnt interrupt me while telling my stories…”

“But Buttercream is a wyvern!” You’d say as you both approached your home, to which Margarine would look behind him before opening the door for you, after all, he always had manners.

“Yes, but its a secret! People cant get to know that—”

“Why? Arent Wyverns dragons?” You’d ask innocently, once again cutting him off which would catch him off guard, but not for the reasons you would expect. “Sorry”

“No-No, Im not mad at you, its just… How to say this…” He’d close the door behind himself, thinking for a moment before speaking yet again “Uhm, darling… Wyverns arent, dragons…”

It’d take you a moment to register the answer as you’d set down your messenger bag, looking at the couch before turning to see him, an unreadable expression in your eyes as you tried to comprehend what he had just told you. Wyverns werent… dragons? But you had done your research! You learned about as much as there were about dragons as there were tales in the city, but, as doubt began to settle down, perhaps… only perhaps…

“Wyverns, wyverns arent dragons?” You’d ask him, just to make sure that what you had heard was correct, to which the dragon rider would nod slowly, a sorrowful gaze in his face as he realized this seemed to cause a shift in you. “But— The books—”

“They are similar, which may be why they may have been fit together, but they’re not… the same, sweetheart” He’d say, walking to your side to hold your hand and lead you to the couch. 

“Oh…” You’d speak, before turning to look at him once again, already opening your mouth to speak yet again “But— That means Buttercream is…”

“Yes, she’s not a dragon, she’s indeed a wyvern.”

“... Then why do you call yourself a dragon rider?” Your question would come tainted in curiosity, and he’d only chuckle though at the realization that he didnt have an exact answer, he’d only look at the floor before answering.

“Well… Because Wyvern Rider sounds weird, no? Besides, Dragon Rider does sound quite fashionable”

“Ah, I see… Well, I’ll go make dinner, its already late and we should be having dinner soon!” You’d say, shaking your hands softly as you headed into the kitchen, leaving Royal Margarine out in the sofa.

“Sweetheart, let me help you” He’d say, already sprinting to walk to your side, which you welcomed as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders with a smile “Woah”

“Im just— Excited! This is very exciting! I didnt know different kinds of species related to dragons existed! Did you know that—”

And then there was no stopping you as you spoke and spoke about dragon facts to your boyfriend, who only would sigh and smile warmly, knowing he’d be having to take care about most of the cooking this time around save you hurt yourself as you focused on your rambling. Though he didnt mind, he knew you liked his cooking, and he always made sure to make extra for Buttercream everytime.

As so, next time you saw Buttercream, you’d smile and talk to her about how she was a wyvern and not a dragon, but also admit that you knew she probably knew that already. But its safe to say that everytime Margarine told his usual achievements as a dragon rider, you’d butt in to correct him innocently, causing him to try to shush you everytime, and for nearby listeners to either look confused or laugh softly. But the truth is, he could never be mad at you.

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

OH BOY LETS DO IT @jacksmusesdrv3

Unfortunately due to how little we know about Jin, it's hard to talk about things he specifically did on his own, BUT WE CAN TALK ABOUT WHAT HE DIDNT DO, AND HIS STAFF THAT HE ALLOWS TO RUN WILD

I'll try to not be talking about the Izuru project outside of things Jin may have gone out of his way to do that were not required of him, otherwise I will assume that he had no real control or say over it because without that then you have to get into the steering committee and the structure of the schools politics and eughgheguh

First off, lets start with something a bit less directly but still speaks a LOT about how Jin's a weak ass pushover who doesn't give a shit about the students, his staff!

Like first of all, it's the one, the only Koichi Kizakura! For those who don't remember it's the guy in the hat from Danganronpa 3, the drunk one.

Which as you can imagine, that makes the problem immediately apparent. You shouldn't have a teacher who coming to work hangover and sick, I care a lot less about his talent hunting part, that's a weird secondary thing, and he's not really interacting much with them just giving them invites, I'll allow it. Teaching though? No. no no no no. Especially Main Course??? What. What. What. Is he only here because none of the students actually have to show up to class (which is fucked up as well what the hell) so he can just sit in Jin's room emanating "my best friends straight and married and ive been in love with him my whole life so im going to be sassy and drunk" energy??

However I want to quickly pivot because i just realized

Chisa's actual title is ASSISTANT HOMEROOM TEACHER. Which while 8 years ago this was just "oh yeah shes a teacher" however, with my current life experience she 100% should not have had as much power over her class. Assistant teachers and aides and the like while VERY useful...need supervision, Chisa is straight out of college, she's never taught before, and while that might be okay for a normal school, the fact this is ONE OF THE MOST ELITE SCHOOLS IN THE WORLD? Everyone here doing the main teaching should HAVE SO MANY MORE QUALIFICATIONS.

So while Assistant is a good fit for her over the main homeroom teacher, the fact JIN ACTIVELY ACKNOWLEDGES THAT KOICHI'S GONNA BE KINDA SHIT??UNHINGED BEHAVIOR. GIVE HER TO A TEACHER WHO'S ACTUALLY GOING TO BE ABLE TO ADVISE OR SUPERVISE?? AND KOICHI IS JUST LIKE "LMAO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT"?? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? WHAT SCHOOL WOULD EVER ALLOW THIS???

I will give Koichi one thing though, he's shrewd as hell, in the future foundation killing game hes a valuable asset, but in a school setting? Why is HE HERE

Jin laments somewhat that Chisa is here because of Munakata "insisting", which Koichi rightfully points out as a power play. Jin brushes this off as he knows that, but like?? What the hell.

KYOSUKE ISN'T EVEN AT HOPES PEAK??? HE'S AT AN OFF-SHORE FACILITY, YOU COULD HAVE SO EASILY JUST...NOT HIRED HER? YOURE THE ONE IN CHARGE HERE! SAY NO! HE CAN HIRE HER AT HIS SCHOOL HE'S BUILDING

As well, even with the class being required, KIDS ARE STILL SHOWING UP, so even the excuse of "they dont show up' doesnt fly! Sonia, Fuyuhiko, Hiyoko, and Mahiru are ALL IN THE CLASSROOM when Chisa first enters, god they're all so cute also why is hiyoko's cuteness up the max in this anime also Mikan enters a bit later bringing the total to five

Then chisa IMMEDIATELY starts lying, she was NEVER made the teacher, she's THE ASSISTANT TEACHER, THATS A DIFFERENT JOB, YOU ARENT SUPPOSED TO BE THE MAIN TEACHER, YOU ARE THERE TO EASE THE WORKLOAD. YOUR JOB IS TO GRADE SHIT, AND HELP KIDS DO FRACTIONS OR WHATEVER. YOU ARE THERE TO HELP BE MORE HANDS ON DECK AND MAKE SURE THE MAIN TEACHER CAN FOCUS ON MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THEN TELLING KIDS THEY CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM

I do love Hiyoko immediately going "lmao i cant wait to break her, destroy her social position, sell her organs, kill her, and more" like im sorry if you don't like Hiyoko you're wrong she's hysterical Fuyuhiko is the only person to go "WHAT ABOUT THE IDIOT BEFORE" To which we learn..... HE'S HUNGOVER AND VOMITING, GO HOME.

FUYUHIKO'S RESPONSE??

"Again?"

WHICH JUST FURTHER ILLUSTRATES THAT KOICHI IS BEING AN ACTIVE DETRIMENT TO THE CLASSROOM, WHY IS HE A TEACHER, IS HE EVEN CERTIFIED.

Im going to ignore Chisa's absolute batshit student hunt to get them all in class, that one's going under "thats just danganronpa/anime logic" though i will point a few things, like she is right that school isnt about just passing exams, its also about learning social skills and building connections, so the fact so few kids are ever even in class is not great for their development. However, do not call your actual students rotten oranges, especially when one is essentially named orange, {Mikan}. Especially when it's not their fault??? Like these are the kids who actually came into class, dont punish them for it, at least Sonia's having a blast. Also don't threaten students with knives but as he's literally a yakuza heir i'll let that one slide, like yeah fair.

Even just the FIRST EPISODE of danganronpa 3 we learn

Jin is protecting and sheltering his completely unfit to be a teacher best friend, something actively detrimental to the school life and education of these kids. While I'm okay with his talent hunt stuff, this man should not be a teacher on campus who is hungover and vomiting often enough for students to recognize a damn pattern

Jin is completely uncaring or ambivalent to power plays done by people with less power then him that he can easily shut down, but instead plays it off as "forcing his hand" when in reality he absolutely could have just...not hired Chisa! What's Kyosuke gonna do in retaliation if he doesn't? Does Jin benefit from this at all? It's a pointless allowance, one Koichi points as only going to undermine him for no reason, and he's not wrong! She literally came as a spy!

Hiring Chisa makes no sense whatsoever, she's graduated so while she's probably qualified to teach in general. Letting her completely take over and command a classroom on her first day, going against the school rules to do so because attendance isn't mandatory, of one of the most PRESTIGIOUS schools in the world is just. Unhinged. It's lunacy. Especially when she's officially just the assistant teacher. Which is the role she should have in this situation! Assistant teacher's DON'T DO THIS. While she's said to leave a good impact on the students, this could have gone horribly wrong, and the fact Jin doesn't seem to care is a really bad look.

Actively upholds policies that are detrimental the development of social skills and normal skills one would learn in a high school environment along with seemingly uncaring if they get hurt or hurt others doing this, along with the sheer amount of property damage.

He actively allows people into the school who turn out to be spies or actively looking to work against hope's peak, Chisa is a spy, Juzo is a spy, it seems the only credentials to work here are "be an ultimate at some point" and after that Jin just does not care

What about other things he does in the series? (im not going to get screenshots anymore i dont wanna)

He plays favorites with the students, despite Nagito's terrorist attack being very much nagito' sfault, out of the four students involved in the utter catastrophe that was the gym testing thing, he's the only one not expelled because his luck is wanted for further study by Jin. While Ruruka and Seiko do have valid reasons of helping Ruruka cheat (which even then im unsure? like yeah ruruka tried to put in performance enhancing drugs but uh, i dont, think that would effect the pastry? it would just make the people eating it have better talent? It wasn't like Ruruka doped herself to make better pastries, so im unsure if this actually would have counted as cheating. Sure the mix up resulted in laxatives being put in instead which could count as poisoning but the act of the enhancing drug is kind of a grey area here but also gundham was allowed to let a bear bite Souda so I think this should be considered same shit as always) I'm unsure if this is really an expel worthy offense next to "literally blew up the gym in a terrorist attack" nagito over there just getting suspended, and also Sohnosuke is tangentially involved in that debacle at BEST. This is the one time in her life ever that Ruruka deserved better. Also Koichi finally gets punishment in a suspension and Chisa faces a consequence for her actions only after multiple people are poisoned, and Komaeda did a terrorism

The reserve course teaching position is used as a punishment, as when Chisa is finally given a consequence for how wildly out of control she's kinda led everything to be, it's to be a reserve teacher, something seen as a nasty punishment. Again, this ties back into LITERALLY EVERYTHING ABOUT THE RESERVE COURSE. While I won't go too into that because that's also like steering committee stuff, Jin could have easily just suspended her like Koichi. This doesn't even get any payoff because the next episode she just gets put back into 77-B and now is made their ACTUAL homeroom teacher after a few months passed off screen. Jin no.

Jin laments about how he didn't use Kyoko's talent to find the mastermind of the tragedy, which. Is another annoying retcon, because he did do that in danganronpa 0 then fucking backpeddled and threatened her about it. He literally talks about the parade, he did do that, which also my man you couldn't do anything to try and appease the parade? At all?

He's extremely uninvolved, basically every choice or decision he ever makes is because someone else told him to do it, or because he couldn't bother to do something different, he's a doormat, a puppet, and he doesn't care even when it starts to have a death count

Has helped cover up over 10 student deaths. While he argues about the massacre of the student council being covered in dr3, in dr0 he still covers up the Madarai Brothers, Yasuke, the only survivor of the massacre, and Yuto, marking them as just expelled, instead of fucking killed. Very "no one has ever died in disneyland" of him.

Does nothing to help the Reserve course, I'm not even sure he even ever interacts with a reserve

Literally everything about Juzo, sir, sir are you aware the security are assaulting reserves? SIR!

I can't talk too much about his plan to lock up class 78 inside hope's peak because we dont see much of it, but also only sheltering like 17 people inside of hope's peak is a little underkill for how many people you could save with that.

The steering committee isn't even actually all that intimidating, its just four old dudes, like, my dude, you have yakuza and other gang members at this school, you could solve this problem of the steering board doing crimes against humanity pretty easily actually (list of students who definitely could have just killed, reported, or otherwise sabotaged the steering committee if jin had enough of a backbone to actually use his resources to stop mass human experimentation: Byakuya Togami, Imposter, Madarai Brothers, Santa, Suzuhiko Ōtsuki, Matsuda, Sonia, Ted, Elite Task Force Members, Fuyuhiko, Peko, Miaya) These guys are so fucking killable look at them, one of thems already about to pass over dead, literally just give Fuyuhiko like 100,000 dollars and a pass on the sato murder and your problems ~are solved~ and no one can argue "but but morality" HE HELPED COVER UP OVER TEN MURDERS OF HIS STUDENTS

So yeah, terrible headmaster, terrible father, utter spineless coward who I wouldn't trust with a banana let alone Hope's Peak Academy

I do wish we learned anything about his past of hopes peak because like, he has to be an ultimate right? No way he's not, what was his ultimate? What did he do? How did he get this role? Honestly I'm extremely curious about this ngl, like if you want to actually flesh out jin (WHICH LIKE HA NO THEY DONT) a novel about his time at hope's peak could be fun to actually y'know, make him in any way shape of form actually redeemable?

Honestly you could have something interesting there because the Kirigiri clan is supposed to be super underground and Jin's a shit detective so if he's scouted it had to be something related to something else he did, which could help create the divide, and you could use this to actually give us basically any information on his wife, like, a name for instance. Hell with his age of "late 30s" and Kyoko's age at time of death you could make a solid argument that he was a teen dad and now wouldnt that make his dynamic with kirigiri so much more interesting? Like if we assume Kyoko's 17-18 and the late 30's is accurate still even after time in the tragedy that puts him at a solid 17-22 when kyoko was born, hell retcon his birthday to november-december and you could get away with 16. If you really wanna go dark you could even play into the steering committee secretly encouraging teen pregnancy amongst students as an early form of talent eugenics study. Make Kazuo worse, make Jin an example of the circle of violence cowards.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

io 🥺🥺🥺🥺 …………

first of all im sorry its taken me a bit to get to this!!! usually when i get tags and comments that are so thoughtful i just let them marinate for a while so can gather my thoughts psjidkdj 😭😭 but i NEED u to know how much this means to me!!!

like. gosh. i cant tell u how emotional i got reading this?? u r so so kind and sweet and im just soooo happy u enjoyed it …. AND UR SONG IOOOO i already gushed abt it a lot but im still so floored like . i cant praise it enough. i cant praise YOU enough. i was kicking my feet holdinh my head in my hands i was so excited PDVDNBD

anyway!!! im just gonna pick out a couple of ur comments and respond to them but i need u to know that literally every single thing u said made me sniffle im just so touched :’3 instantly went to my motivational folder hehe im gonna read em over and over again when i need a pick me up!!

i think this is the most beautiful way i’ve seen his eyes described to date. 

^ THIS IS SOSO KINDDDD i rlly wanted to depict his eyes in like . the most breathtaking glow-in-the-dark kinda way ever psjdkjd im so happy u thought it was beautiful <33

jesus christ. like atp i was nervous i’d just be quoting your entire fic back to you. i couldn’t believe i had just read this. like. i’m not trying to gas you but i think if you ever write an anthology of poems i’d be first in line to buy???

^ IOOOO 😭😭😭 u r way too sweet im sobbing. im soooooosososo flattered n touched by how much u liked the writing???? to me the biggest compliment ever is when ppl call it ”poetic” so im just . sitting here giggling and smiling LMAO im overjoyed !!

can you tell i’m obsessed with the imagery of the apricot blossoms. it HIT every single time. 

^ AND THISSSSS IM SOO HAPPY U NOTICED IT i think ur the first person to point it out!!! i looovvee apricot blossoms idk why i just love them and i think i associate them a lot w satoru too!!

almost lost my cool here. almost got very very very fucking feral. his knight in all reality, her knight in his eyes fr.

^ THISSSS THIS THIS U GET IT prince!gojo is literally so devoted so obsessed so in love that he comes off as the knight and reader is just . 🧍 like KNOW UR PLACE SMH (i think their mutual devotion is just sooo sweet though i got so excited when u pointed it out)

i really puffed out my chest when i read this. immediately though to myself. “i’m NOT little no more” 😤

^ STOP UR SO CUTE no bc i think that would make him tease u more 😭😭 hes sooo infuriating. ”little knight” this ”little knight” that he thinks its a petname LMAO

READY TO FLING MYSELF INTO A VAT OF MY OWN ADORATION FOR HIM OH MY GOD I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM. SLAY ALL HIS ENEMIES. RETRACT EXISTENCES JUST TO AVENGE HIM. COAT MY HANDS IN THE BLOOD OF THOSE WHO CROSS HIM AND PAINT MY SWORD IN MY DEFENSE OF HIS HONOR. Y’ALL ARE NOT SEEING ME IF I’M HIS KNIGHT. 🤺🤺🤺

^ SOOOOO REAL SO TRUE IM NODDING IN AGREEMENT…… i would literally lay my life down for him fr

WHO IS THE KNIGHT SIR IS IT YOU OR ME. WE SIT ON A HILL MADE OF OUR SIGHS N THE DEVOTION WE TRADE BETWEEN BREATHS FEELS LIKE A KISS! YOUR HONOR I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. I’D OBLITERATE EVERYTHING IN ALL BRUTALITY JUST TO STRETCH THE LENGTH OF HIS SOFTNESS FURTHER YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!!!!

^ ”we sit on a hill made of our sighs n the devotion we trade between breaths feels like a kiss” IO???? dont drop bangers like this in my rbs i fell to my KNEES…. no bc ur so right!! one is a knight and one is a prince but when theyre alone like that theyre just the same yknow?? both soo devoted and sappy and soft :<

I’M SUPER SHY SUPER SHY BUT WAIT A MINUTE WHILE K MAKE YOU MINEEEEE! 😭🤚🏾 my god i got butterflies. i felt soooo shy. i pulled my blanket up over half my face dear god i’m so in love with him. dizzy. drunk on fondness. drowning in it. 😭😭😭

^ I WAS SOO HAPPY TO READ THIS PSJFJS i was reeaaallyyy hoping that line would hit a lil bit….. i giggled a little writing it LMAO hes just the softest man in the world 🥺🥺 its so natural to him too!!

AAAA AND UR TAGS IO 💔💔💔 theyre ALL so sweet and funny i cant tell u how happy i am that u enjoyed it 🥺🥺 like REALLY this made my whole week. ur so so KIND i dont even know what to say …….. i know ive mentioned this before but i really do love ur writing sooo much and i think its so poetic and pretty!!! so it means sm coming from u <333

i wanna say more but this is already long wahh ;;; i just appreciate u so much!! tysm for reading and taking the time to write this all out <333

how deep is your devotion? ; satoru gojo

synopsis; you’re his knight, and he’s your prince. if only it were that simple.

word count; 6.6k

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, royalty au (..but no effort put into making it historically accurate in any way oops), knight!reader x prince!toru!!, childhood friends, mutual pining, fluffy overall, some hurt/comfort too, vague allusions to abuse (reader is punished by one of the castle maids as a child but it’s only really hinted at), knight!reader is horrendously devoted but prince!gojo is arguably worse, he would burn the world down if u asked nicely <3

a/n; big big BIG thank u to @softgirlgonehaywire for having the biggest brain in the world and infecting me w this concept <33 if u pay attention while reading u can tell the exact moment i started slowly spiraling into insanity

you are five years old when you meet the prince.

five years old, a mere child, and too young to be blinded by such brilliance. too young to be where you are; curled up in a dark alley, back against a grimy brick wall, covered in bruises. like a beaten dog — scrawny and afraid. waiting for a strike that never comes.

the boy in front of you is also five years old, but you don’t know that. something in him looks older, somehow, something in the way he carries himself. like he doesn’t have anything to be afraid of. like he’s never even felt fear. he parts his lips and speaks like he has the right to, like he’s comfortable in his own skin, a radiance so blinding you could mistake him for the sun. too much for you to bear.

”does it hurt?”

the words fall on deaf ears. but you flinch, your body reacts, a tremble down your tiny spine. you hear the sound but not the words. too mesmerized, too paralyzed, unable to look away from the blue of his eyes, painted with rich watercolour hues. seeping into the world around you like ink on paper, cobalt and aquamarine and something else, something you’ve never seen before —

a blue so jarring it makes you shiver.

the boy has an innocent face. almost girlish, plump cheeks and long lashes, clean clothes and smooth skin. a little too pretty to be out here, you think, in this part of town — too pure to be anywhere near someone like you. he’s above you, that much you can tell. a pretty, innocent face, untouched by dirt or ache; the face of royalty. an entirely different species.

there’s something keen in his eyes, a contrast to his childlike features. a sharp gaze, something that sees through you, something that won’t look away. something mildly frightening. enough to have you cowering in fear, hugging your knees closer to your chest.

but then he smiles. and it’s sincere. sweet, vibrant, all honey and milk and a world you cannot reach.

a smile so captivating you take his outstretched hand, and let him drag you away to god-knows-where.

(that's how it begins. the dynamic that’ll follow you into your adult lives; satoru takes the lead, and you follow. no matter where he’s going.)

satoru gojo, as you soon come to learn, is the prince of the nation you reside in. the only child of the royal family, born with talent and prestige, fame and fortune, set to become king. a different species, indeed.

but he brings you home with him, to a castle so grand you feel as if your very presence is an insult to the architects who designed it, and convinces his parents to let you stay. it’s surprising, but you don’t protest; following him like a puppy at his trail. and he’s stubborn, insistent, demanding that he get to keep said puppy. 

the king and queen don’t care one way or another. they glance at you with apathy, and tell satoru to do what he wants — but convincing the scary and displeased castle maids takes some work. 

satoru doesn’t waver, though. he holds your hand in his, and demands that you be treated with respect.

and he wins. he always wins.

that’s how you become the prince’s playmate. raised alongside him, allowed to stay close, eat from the same food. he won’t settle for anything less. defending your honour, always, before you even know what honour means. before you care.

time passes slowly. joyously. every day is a new adventure, as you attempt to get used to the miracle that is your new life — sweet and silky, apricot blossoms and fresh peaches, duvet pillows and a bubbly laughter you didn’t know you still had. he coaxes it out of you, with every secret midnight outing, every bout of mischief he drags you both into. 

satoru has nice hands, uncalloused palms, fingers that grasp yours and don’t let go. he takes you outside, to see the stars, to catch fireflies in the dark of night on top of the hill that oversees the castle. to take a dip in the river just below it, gleaming a silver hue under the blue shade of the moon. you worry about getting in trouble, but he reassures you — the prince can do what he wants.

that might be true, but you are no prince. not even close. satoru may safeguard you, but all you’ll ever be in the eyes of the world is a stray he got to keep.

and one time, only one time, you do face the repercussions of your midnight outings. you, and you alone. a bad influence — seething words, buzzing in your ears. an angry castle maid, and a stinging pain in your cheek. blurry tears. 

but that’s an incident no one in the castle dares to speak of.

(you’ll never forget that look in his eyes.)

satoru is an odd boy. he keeps you close, always, clinging to you like he needs you to breathe. you don’t understand why, but you’ve learned not to question him. the castle guards all know you as the prince’s best friend, and some part of you knows that’s all you’ll ever amount to. but you don’t mind.

because you love him. at five years old, six years old, seven and beyond, you love him. satoru gojo, the kindest boy in the stratosphere. 

a boy who keeps finding you, no matter where you are, who tugs you along as naturally as the rise of the sun. who raids kitchen cabinets with you and always makes you laugh, little giggles and chuckles that have him beaming proudly. a boy who cleans your wounds with a serious expression, and tells you that he’ll protect you forever. 

(you tell yourself the same. that you’ll protect him forever and ever, until you run out of air to breathe. a boy so sweet you’d die for him.)

a pledge is made. you make it before you know what a pledge is. pledging to protect him, to become his sword, because even as a child you understand that his life will be difficult. you see it in the dullness that sometimes comes over his eyes, the apathy of his so-called parents, the hours he spends locked up with nothing but a pile of dusty books to keep him company. 

so you decide to become his knight. his, and his alone. 

it’s challenging. but you push through; training with another aspiring knight, miles better than you, black hair tousled by the breeze as he knocks you off your feet for the thirtieth consecutive time. wincing as the girl who sometimes watches your sparring patches you up, soft hands cleaning your wounds so tenderly that you almost choke up.

and eventually, as the apricot blossoms of the castle orchard wilt and bloom over and over in a flurry of pure white, your dream comes true. 

there’s something playful in satoru’s eyes, when he places his blade on the curve of your shoulder. something sweet and fond, and just a little bit ironic — as if you’re still seven years old, and playing house. 

you want to tell him that it isn’t a joke. that you’re serious, about this, that you’d tear your stomach open to keep him safe. but you know he’d just laugh. so you let the words clog up your throat, honey-sweet devotion sticking to the walls of your esophagus. breathing in through your nose, as he speaks. as the words you’ve waited to hear flow from his glossy lips.

when all is said and done, satoru smiles. he calls you his little knight, and you can tell that he’s teasing you. indulging you, as if he’s in on some joke that you aren’t. but you’ll take what you can get.

you call him my prince, expecting him to laugh it off, but his smile begins to fall. and a pang of ache rushes through your soul, instantaneous, guilty, although you don’t understand why.

so you keep calling him satoru. even though it’s more than a little unprofessional, and you become painfully accustomed to receiving a few judgemental looks here and there. a knight and a prince shouldn’t be so very close, they think, and you don’t disagree. but there’s nothing they can do about it, anyhow.

the prince and his knight can do what they want.

not much changes. you’re his knight, but he treats you the same as before. he’s playful, a little goofy, and you indulge him. as always. attached at the hip, bickering and bantering, bouncing off each other effortlessly. and satoru never bothers to hide your history, the soft spot he has for you; it’s in every fleeting glance, soft tilt of his head, teasing call of ah, there’s my favorite knight. 

(you’re no stranger to jealous looks. sometimes a pout on the lips of a pretty girl, a crease between the brows of one of your fellow knights. and sometimes a glare, from his fiancée — a woman he was engaged to before he was old enough to speak.

but you don’t mind. you’ve never cared what anyone but satoru thinks of you.)

satoru never loses his smile, that effortless air of confidence. the charm that makes people want to follow him, a charisma you know well. one you fell victim to at five years of age. he’s still just a prince, far from being a king, but he receives the same respect.

and that keen, sharp glimmer in his eyes never quite goes away; the hardened shell around his heart unbroken. you see it in fleeting glances, during meetings, ones he allows you to attend despite your status. when he speaks to a room of people with more power than you can imagine, his voice unwavering. back straight. elegant, serious, the presence of royalty — enough to receive respect without even trying. 

but he still shoots you a smile, easygoing, when your eyes meet. one only you can see.

as for you, the step into knighthood is a clumsy one. but you take your duties seriously, and adjust properly. a deep devotion runs through your veins, from your beating heart down to the tips of your fingers, where a sword lies clutched. you keep it close, always, ready to serve. to obey. to protect. 

all of it for one person.

all you do is for him. duels in his honour, beasts slain for his peace of mind, and he’s always there to welcome you back. wiping the blood from your cheek, tenderly, smearing his untainted skin with red; all while he looks at you softly, a coo or word of praise waltzing on the tip of his tongue. 

that’s only for when you remain unscathed, though, when the blood on your cheek isn’t your own. when you get hurt, it’s different — something begins to brew inside his eyes, and you can’t tell what it is. but he insists on bandaging you himself, paying no mind to your meek protests.

sometimes, you’re more reckless than usual. your injuries worse. sometimes he looks upset, angry with you, and doesn’t speak. you don’t, either.

a strange look comes over his eyes, every now and then. when you get down on one knee, to kiss his hand, the metal of the ring on his finger — and if you look up, you’ll see it. simmering inside those blue depths, something just as fond as it is sad. troubled, you think.

(something tells you he’d kneel, too, if only you’d let him.)

the bond between you remains intact. even as you begin to shoulder more responsibilities, more duties, even though you don’t have as much freedom as you used to. even though you seem to get less time to spend with each other every single day. but you stay together, even so; just like when you were children, running around and causing trouble, more than you could get away with now. 

despite everything, satoru has grown up into a fine man. and you couldn't be prouder.

“do you think i look good in black? be honest.”

you throw him a glance. curious, somewhat perplexed, eyeing him up and down.

satoru is wearing a white blouse, puffy sleeves and a low neckline, showing off the skin of his bare chest. no black colours to be seen. you think back to that banquet he attended last month, forced into an expensively tailored black coat. a corset around his waist. and then you hum.

“sure you do.”

”suguru said it makes me look like a try-hard,” he scoffs, crossing his arms. tilting his head in your direction. ”do you think he’s jealous?”

”definitely.”

a moment passes. 

satoru narrow his eyes, and gives you a dubious look. clicking his tongue. ”… something tells me you aren’t taking this seriously.”

”i am,” you assure him, a lazy smile at your lips. meeting his gaze, that displeased little pout. still smoothing a brush down the mane of your horse, the smell of hay soothing your muddled senses. ”just tired. you look good in anything. you know that.”

he hums. silent, the sound of a spring breeze filling in the gaps.

it’s late. outside the stables, the world is engulfed by a dark sky, almost too murky to see anything. hazy stars glimmer in the distance, and a sense of fatigue gnaws at your bones. it’s been a long day, and yet you’re here — doing even more work. just a little more.

and satoru’s right there with you. even though he’s just sitting there, on the floor, not lifting a finger to help. not that he has to. insistent on spending some quality time with you, keeping you company. just talking and munching on the food he snuck in, bread and cheese and an expensive bottle of wine, that he leaves completely untouched. he tries to leave some of everything else for you, though. keyword being tries.

a sense of peace simmers in the air. palpable, almost enough to taste, as midnight air streams in from the opened doors, chilly and pleasant on your skin. ruffling the thin fabric of your clothing.

and it’s nice, you think, just to have satoru there — talking about this and that, complaining about all the annoying people he had to meet yesterday, yawning every now and then. nostalgic. like this, it almost feels like you're still kids. back when you spent every single hour of the day by each other’s side.

it’s been a long time since you got the chance to speak like this. satoru’s been busy, and so have you. more so than usual.

”are they running you ragged?” he suddenly asks, and you don’t realize you’ve spent the last minute staring into space. resuming your brushing, with steady hands, but turning your head to meet his gaze.

”need me to…” he makes a slicing motion with his hand, right over his throat. a glint of mischief in his eyes. ”handle it?”

and you scoff. amused, but answering him seriously; unsure if his question is all-together humorous, if it doesn’t carry a hint of something genuine too. ”of course not.”

there’s a weariness in the way you blink. the way you pet the animal in front of you, having finished getting the dirt and blood clots out of her mane. she lays down in her stall, and you smile. turning around to rest your back against the wooden border between you, a respite for your aching bones.

it gets just a little bit tiring, sometimes. fighting, patrolling, helping townsfolk. protecting the castle, making sure everything is in order. killing whatever needs to be killed. cleaning the stained silver of your sword.

but…

”it’s my duty,” you answer, seriously, and it comes out sounding like a vow. because it is. 

you avoid his gaze, but you can feel it, as you pick up the wine bottle by your feet and pop the cork. soft moonlight flits in from the windows, illuminating the green glass. a chartreuse glow that reminds you of fireflies, shimmering in your grasp, and for some reason it soothes your heart.

satoru only hums, far from approving. popping a piece of cheese into his mouth. 

after a brief pause, he continues. ”you don’t have to be so serious all the time, you know.” his voice comes out a little raspy. it’s got a certain tilt to it, one that means he wants you to take him seriously. ”not around me.”

you take a sip of the wine. expensive, blood red. it’s too sweet for your taste, heavy on your tongue.

”… i’m less serious with you than i am with others.”

satoru sits up a little straighter.

”yeah?” he grins, a kind of satisfaction blooming in his eyes. cerulean and sweet. almost smug, you think, like the cat that got the cream. ”that’s good. you really should loosen up, though.”

a glance. fleeting, just to see him — but he isn’t looking at you. he’s looking outside, through the opened window, at the sway of the apricot trees. white petals flitting in, landing by his feet. in his hair.

when his eyes meet yours, they’re smoothed over by that something you can never put your finger on. a blend between longing and fondness. crinkled at the edges.

”you’ve got a pretty smile,” he exhales. ”be a shame not to show it off.”

when you look at him, really look at him, you see it. that fatigue. it slips out when he talks to you, a sincere way of speaking that never quite allows him to hide his emotions. you hear the hint of a yawn, can practically feel the weight on his shoulders. the weight of an entire nation. a weight he was always bound to carry.

(you could never bring yourself to be even remotely alright with it.)

“have you been doing okay?” you ask, and satoru blinks. there’s a soft look in your eyes, as they trail over the contours of his face, his lashes catching the light of the stars. an innocent, pretty face. but he looks tired. frail. like he hasn’t been sleeping properly.

something rotten bubbles up inside your throat.

”they’re running you ragged, too,” you say, hand settling on your hip. where your sword usually is. unconsciously, on instinct — or maybe just to make him laugh. ”need me to step in?”

satoru chuckles. husky, mellow. dripping with soft amusement.

”settle down, little knight.”

a moment passes. silent. his eyes flutter shut, for a second, and a breath slips from his lips. almost a sigh. in the distance, you hear the quiet coo of an owl. 

”of course,” he eventually answers, opening his eyes. and you think he looks a little resigned. but smiling. self-deprecating, you think, although he’d like you to assume otherwise. ”all of it is just preparation, anyhow.” 

a flimsy smile, as he looks into your knowing eyes. ”it’s what i was born for, wasn’t it?”

you purse your lips.

“… i don’t think so.”

another chuckle. a little delighted, this time. 

“yeah,” he cranes his neck, emitting a low groan. “me neither.” something sweet blossoms in his eyes, sweet like the crunch of the apple he bites into, juice dribbling down his chin. ”but it is what it is.”

a beat. you part your lips, trying to find the right words. ”tell me if there's anything i can do,” you settle on. the same words you always choose. ”anything at all.”

satoru smiles. “right.” his voice carries a teasing tilt; almost a purr. ”there’s nothing you wouldn't do for me, hm?” 

“— there isn’t.” you smile. “nothing at all.”

he blinks. a little dazed, for a second, and you watch as his ears redden. slight, enough for you to notice, but gone before you can bring it up. a contemplation smooths over his features. and a pleasant breeze flits in, ruffling his hair, apricot petals kissing up his skin. he looks at the apple in his hands.

then he sighs. placing his palms on his knees, and rising to his feet. his arms twitch, muscular beneath the flimsy blouse, and you gulp. although you aren’t sure why.

“alright, then.” his eyes flicker in the dim light, sharp and decisive. he crosses over to you with long strides. “there is something you can do.”

when he’s close enough, satoru reaches out his hand; opening his palm. a silent beckoning. you look at him, not saying a word. his expression is unreadable. 

then you intertwine your fingers with his. unquestioningly, even in the midst of your confusion.

(it reminds you of that day. when he pulled you up to your feet, held your hand in his and refused to let go. leading you to the promise of something better.)

no matter where he goes, you follow.

and satoru grins. it’s sweet, just like back then, a smile so vibrant you wish you could tuck it into your sleeve and keep it there forever. he curls his fingers around yours, gentle, fondness bubbling up inside his eyes. for a second, you think you see the sun.

“come with me.”

at first, you truly aren’t sure where he’s going to take you. hand in hand, you begin to walk, feeling the midnight breeze nip at your skin. beyond the castle walls, away from the hustle and bustle of the nearby town. satoru holds your hand and smiles, tousled tufts of white hair swaying with the wind, leading you to a place you know well. a place where the air tastes like freedom.

it’s the river you used to play by as children.

gleaming a solemn silver under the evanescent moon, framed by bushes of lilacs, blooming indigo and violet and pure white. butterflies flutter about, almost glittering, blue wings settling down on the leaves. the scent of nectar hangs heavy in the air. on top of the hill just above you, you think you can spot tiny little glowing dots; green and yellow, buzzing around. dancing merrily, now that there aren’t any troublemaker children left to trap them.

satoru lets go of your hand, to roll up his sleeves. the hems of his pants. then he’s taking a step forward, dangerously close to the edge of the river, and you can tell what he’s thinking.

“ah — wait —“ you stumble forward, to grab hold of his arm. a worried crease forms between your brows. “that's dangerous, satoru. you could slip and fall.”

he turns to face you, a teasing mirth in his eyes. smirking lightly. “oh? is that so?” he hums, a slight tilt of his head. then he’s stepping closer, so close you feel his warm breath on your skin, but you will yourself not to step back. “wanna know what i think?”

he leans forward, just a little further, warm air brushing against the shell of your ear. flushing beneath it. his voice comes out low, a sleepy lilt, dangerously raspy. hand ghosting over your waist.

”i think you’re too scared to get in.”

you blink.

”… really?” you deadpan, stepping back a tad. satoru looks pleased with himself. awfully amused.

“really,” he purrs. “you were always like that. could barely dip your toes in without shivering.” he reaches out to pinch your cheek, a coo on the tip of his tongue. ”scaredy-cat.”

you raise your brow. unimpressed.

satoru steps back. inching closer to the river, until a quiet splash tells you that he’s standing in the water. lapping up his bare legs, not enough to even reach his knees — it felt a lot scarier when you were smaller. he’s still holding your hand, very loosely, fingertips ghosting your own. 

“c’mon,” he coaxes. soft, encouraging, a playful glimmer in his eyes. teeth catching the light of the moon. “or is it too much for my brave knight to handle?”

satoru laughs, when you furrow your brows, attempting to hide the flush of your cheeks. a warmth spreads through your chest at the term of endearment, and you bite your lip. melting a little. 

his knight. his favourite knight.

“.. fine,” you tangle your fingers in his own. sighing deeply, taking a tentative step forward. “just be careful, okay? i don't want to deal with your whining if you hit your head.”

“ah, but you’d kiss it better, no? if i asked?” he flashes you a honeyed grin, eyes rich with amusement. you hope the darkness of the night is enough to hide the red of your ears.

a grumble buzzes in your throat, locked behind your pursed lips. something in your jaw goes tight.

the man in front of you softens. parting his glossy lips. he says your name; slowly, thoughtfully, as if savouring every syllable. dragging them out, speaking with a lilt that tells you he’s being sincere.

“— loosen up. it’s just you and me.”

so you do.

and it’s odd. how easy it is to get lost in him, the watercolour of his eyes, the brightness of his grin. how pliantly you let him whisk you away. before you know it, you’re playing in the water — because satoru splashed you, laughing at the shock on your face and the shiver of your spine, and you had no choice but to retaliate. 

the sound of his laughter fills the air, sweet and bubbly. deep and giddy. strands of hair stick to his wet skin, droplets running down his neck, but his grin never falters. bright and toothy, boyish. he looks younger than you ever remember him being. like there’s no weight on his shoulders, none at all, only soaked fabric weighing him down. a flimsy, see-through blouse.

you think it’s ridiculous. two grown adults, splashing each other like children. but his melodic giggles are contagious, and before you know it, you’re laughing too — and satoru looks at you like you hung all the stars in the sky. through dewy eyelashes, with cerulean eyes that melt into the pale blue of the moon and the silver of the river. filled with wonder.

a particularly ruthless splash knocks him off balance, and he has the instinct to reach for your arm; stumbling, slipping, dragging you down with him. you land on his chest, cheek against his neck, his pulse against your skin. erratic, joyous. fluttering happily.

his chest is heaving. lifting you up and down, a little, rhythmic and comforting. 

a sudden yelp slips past your lips, as you get snapped back into reality, into the realization that you basically just pushed your own prince into a river and used his unfairly soft chest as a cushion. a mumbled string of apologies escapes you, as you attempt to get up, scrambling to find footing.

but satoru wraps his arms around you. tucking you under his chin, keeping you flush against his chest. nice and still. 

and then he sighs. a blissful little breath, fatigue seeping out of him. into the air. 

“stay like this, for a bit,” he rasps. ”it’s okay.”

his heartbeat resounds in your ear. warm and rapid, like claps of thunder, coaxing you into closing your eyes. satoru has always felt so very safe. the water of the river is cold, seeping through the fabric of your clothing and sticking to your skin, but…

(he’s warm.)

silence. and then, a whisper; frail, slipping past his lips, gently slicing the silence in half. softer than you've ever heard him speak.

“i missed this.”

…

nuzzling into his neck, you breathe him in. he smells like sandalwood and dried roses, buzzing with warmth, heavy arms around your waist. solid. when did he get so big? you used to be taller. 

then again — that was a long time ago, wasn’t it?

“… me too.”

“missed you,” he continues, his jaw on top of your head. it’s a sincere confession; childlike in its innocence. “missed hearing you laugh like that. feels like it’s been so long.” 

you stay silent. unsure of what to say. satoru continues, and you let his husky voice carry you away, the tremor of his chest running through your entire body. soothing like a lullaby. 

”we haven't had much time together, lately. i’ve been worried,” he admits, and something about it strikes you as rather sheepish. a little ashamed. ”it bothers me that i can't be there to watch over you. make sure you're treated with respect, you know.”

a sleepy chuckle. muffled into his shoulder, almost a scoff — slightly exasperated. little droplets cling to his skin, sticking to your lips.

”relax, your majesty,” you tease. ”i promise the other knights aren’t bullying me.” 

satoru pouts. you can hear it, when he speaks. ”i’m serious,” he huffs, squeezing you lightly. ”and it’s not them i’m worried about. suguru’s there.”

another scoff threatens to escape your throat. you want to tell him the only knight that should be suspected of bullying you is suguru himself, but before you can even think to part your lips satoru’s beaten you to it.

”they all treat you so carelessly.” there’s something cold to his voice, an irritation tugging at his teeth. oddly seething. ”like you exist to serve them. like you’re disposable.” 

a moment passes, heavy with a silence so thick you don’t dare break it. when he speaks again, it’s an order. a demand. 

”i want you to tell me if they go too far.”

silence. again. you can do nothing but gnaw at the flesh of your bottom lip. 

(he isn’t wrong. but that’s simply what it means to be a knight — half-human, half-weapon. an unattainable ideal, stuffed inside a suit of armor.

when a weapon breaks under the force of a slash, the only choice is to throw it away. that much you know.)

”it’s fine. i’m not that fragile,” you weakly protest, but it’s not enough. satoru huffs.

”you’re a human being,” he reminds you. strangely stern, for once. chastising. ”you deserve to be treated with respect. knight or not. fragile or not.”

a deep inhale. he breathes in, and the rise of his chest carries you with it. his voice buzzes with something, a slumbering kind of fury. one you haven’t heard in years. 

“if anyone gives you trouble — if anyone hurts you… if anyone makes you feel unsafe,” he almost spits the words, like they’re venomous, sacrilegious. ”tell me. i’ll destroy them.”

silence. and then, a chuckle.

that’s all you can manage; that one meek little breath. resisting the urge to cower, at the love that clings to every word he speaks. angered affection. a promise, dangerously genuine, like a growing wildfire.

”i can take care of myself, satoru,” you remind him. hoping it’ll soothe him. ”you know that.”

but his grip around you only tightens. gentle, even still. as if you’re made of glass, a firefly cupped in his palms. he lets the silence linger, for a moment.

and then; 

“i’d do it, you know.”

a questioning hum. “do what?” you ask, though some part of you already knows. 

satoru’s reply is instantaneous. an arrow hitting its target, cold and concise, decisive. frighteningly honest. almost a growl, flattened, a hint of teeth behind his soft lips. ”destroy them. anyone.”

”i’d tear this nation apart if you asked me to.”

…

(ah. that look in his eyes — one you remember well. strung together with blurred memories, the sting of a palm on your cheek, a castle maid you never saw again.)

you search for the words. biting back a gulp, hesitant. “… i wouldn’t.”

“i know.” satoru yawns, breathing you in, voice shifting back into the softness you’re so used to. your shoulders relax. “but i would. if that’s what you wanted.”

and it’s a little scary, the depths of his devotion. but you’re almost certain you’d do the same for him. maybe you're both a little sick in the head, a little too eager to serve your hearts on a silver platter.

“it bothers me, you know.” satoru breaks you out of your thoughts. gentle, a soft lull of his tongue. ”when you get hurt. when you fight for me.”

“i know,” you murmur. you’ve seen it in his eyes, a worry he’s not as good at hiding as he thinks. ”i want to, though.”

“and i want you to be safe.” a chuckle bubbles up in his throat, just a little bit rueful. “you never listen, do you? so stubborn, i swear. always worrying me.”

you bite down on your lip. he sounds… a little sad.

“… sorry.”

a moment’s pause. then he shakes his head; cradling you close. “it’s fine. i’m here. always,” his palm runs down the small of your back. ”in case anything happens.”

he inhales. ”and when i become king —” a beat. he swallows thickly. ”you’ll never have to worry again. no one will be able to touch you.”

”satoru,” you crack a small smile. amused. raising a single eyebrow. ”i’m not worried. i can protect myself.”

”i know. but i’m saying you don’t have to.”

and then he’s pulling back. just a little bit, just enough to see you. cheek smushed against his chest, comfortable and soft, more unguarded than he’s seen you these past few months. it’s enough to get his heart racing.

enough to have him reaching out, fingertips ghosting over your hand, tangling your fingers together. bringing it to his glossy lips. a chaste kiss, brimming with unspoken murmurs of love.

”— i’ll protect you forever,” he vows. ”remember?”

there’s devotion in his eyes. heavy, a vow he’ll never quite be able to voice in full. something that makes the blue of his eyes glow even brighter, cerulean, aquamarine, a blue so jarring it makes your heart beat faster than it should.

you blink. starstruck, caught in a daze, lost within that sea of blue. distracted by his warm breath on your cold skin, the soft whisper voiced against your knuckle. something shy blossoms in your chest, enough to have you averting your gaze. 

“... you really don’t care about the dynamic here, do you?” is all you can reply. a meek scoff, a weak attempt at hiding how flustered you are. “i’m the knight. i’m your protector.”

“oh, i know.” a smile sticks to his lips, playful, the back of his hand caressing your cheek. a coo on his tongue. “my little hero. what would i ever do without you?”

a roll of your eyes. satoru chuckles. in the distance, you hear crickets chirping, a breeze rustling the lilac bushes all around you. he’s still cradling your cheek, smoothing over your wet skin, brushing a drop of water away with his thumb. clinging to your bottom eyelash.

“i don't get it, though.”

you blink. when you meet his eyes, satoru looks a little perplexed. muttering under his breath, absently rubbing circles over your cheekbone. you resist the urge to close your eyes again, biting back a blissful sigh.

”a prince shouldn’t care for his knight…” he repeats, like he’s heard the string of words a million times before. ”the idea of that. i don’t understand it. never have.”

the smile that blossoms on his lips is soft, indescribably so, as if he’s looking at the most precious thing in his life. rich and warm, like wine in your veins, nectar on your tongue, a chest pressed against your own. dripping with fondness.

satoru tilts his head, as if in confusion — but he’s smiling. “what’s so strange about wanting to protect the one dearest to my heart?” 

…

his hand slips from your skin, a warmth leaving your cheek. only to search for your hand, again, cradling it in his larger palm. placing it right over his chest, against the soaked material of his blouse. ”feel that?”

you do. a rhythmic rise and fall, a soft flutter from the depths of his ribcage. as if it’s itching to break out, out of the cage that binds it, the hardened shell around it. a heart too big for his body.

”it’s you,” satoru whispers. ”all for you.”

a moment passes.

silently, you lean forward; tucking yourself into his neck. into that comforting warmth, wet skin beginning to dry, the steady thrum of his heart right by your ear. you listen. not saying a word, afraid of what might leave the confines of your strangled throat. it feels as if your heart has begun to crawl upwards, sweet honey blocking your airways, and all you can do it feel it pulse. 

all while satoru gazes at you, fondly. placing a big palm on the back of your head.

fireflies dance in the distance. butterflies flutter about. strings of lilacs bloom under the glow of the moon. and satoru’s heartbeat never changes, never falls out of tune, a sound you would recognize even if the sky were to shatter, if the world were to end. the sound that saved you, the boy who dragged you out of hell. into his light. 

satoru gojo is everything. he’s the beat of your heart, the silver of your sword, the reason you believe in goodness. he’s your prince, your favorite person, and you’ll protect him until your very last breath. until the world runs out of oxygen.

a boy so sweet you’d die for him.

(a boy so sweet he wouldn’t want you to.)

a shiver runs down his spine — sudden, a shudder of his bones, and a quiet little sniffle. you feel it, hear it, and don’t attempt to bite back the fond smile that slips into the curve of your lips.

”c’mon,” you beckon, almost a coo, placing your palms on his chest to hoist yourself up. ”let’s go home.”

but satoru shakes his head. and then he traps you again, strong arms around your waist, pressing you against him. you could escape — you’re almost certain you’re stronger — but you don’t quite have the heart to. ”it’s fine,” he huffs. almost a whine. ”stay.”

”you’ll get sick.”

”i never get sick.”

a deep exhale. tumbling from your lips, just a little bit humorous. mostly exasperated. ”that can change,” you mumble, fingertips dancing along his exposed skin. absentmindedly.

a smile. one you can’t see, but you hear it clear as day. he sounds content, like he’s got everything he needs right in front of him. ”some things never change,” he informs you. pleased. ”just look at us.”

and he’s right. so you don’t say anything else. 

but your heartbeat quickens, only for a beat or two, and you’re almost certain he feels it. if he does, he opts not to tease you for once, and you’re grateful. and so the silence lingers. as if time has begun to freeze, into an eternal dusk, a string of silent seconds. broken only by low melodic chirping from the faraway fields, his soft breaths in your ear. 

until satoru suddenly chuckles.

“hey,” he hums, shifting a little, the river swaying around you. pulling back to meet your gaze, eyes crinkled and voice raspy. “wanna know a secret?”

you raise your head. a dubious look on your face, one that has him breathing out an amused puff of air, like you’re getting ready to hear a bad joke. “... what is it?”

before the words have fully left your throat, he’s resting his forehead against yours — breath fanning over your lips. a pleasant shiver trails down your spine, at the close proximity, goosebumps spreading across your chilled skin. only exacerbated by the whisper that follows, so quiet you almost don’t know if you heard him correctly. childlike in its sincerity. a sunlaced smile woven in between the vowels.

“i think i was born to meet you.”

(a sentiment so sweet you barely even feel the warmth of his lips meeting yours.)

[chaosdisorganized]

I love interacting with my moots so if you don't like random ass comments on posts you probably shouldn't follow us lol because it's not just me in particular, other parts do it too. We barely have a social life so being on tumblr is where we satisfy our need to socialize. We consider our mutuals our friends sorry if that's weird lol. But if you follow and we follow back, sorry but you're our friend now and we will make random ass comments on your post every now and them because we love yall <3

[wh6res]

127 SQUAD AND ROMANTIC BF TINGS

tw a lil bit of suggestive on jae's but nothing explicit

✰ — TAEIL would sing lullabies over the phone or video call. you and him would just be doing your own thing, not talking but enjoying being each other's presence. he'll probably pull out his guitar and start singing random songs until he eventually notices you fell asleep on him. will not end the call and when you wake up in the morning, his snores and his cute sleeping face is the first thing you see. "love? you still there? ... taeil?" then laugh out loud when you hear his snores instead. "okay yeah lets sleep more" the call will only end probably because his phone died. he kinda strikes me as a guy who's phone is always < 50% battery lmao

✰ — JOHNNY is your everything. literally. as long as he has the power of youtube, google, and instruction manuals on his side, he can fix anything and everything for you. we've all seen him do crafty things on jcc lmao so it'll probably apply to relationships as well. will 100% say you now owe him cuddles for fixing something for you. you kinda dont like the fact that he's doing all these things for you so you try doing them on your own without him knowing only to fail big time. "what did we learn today?" "never touch the pipes under the sink" "and?" "and always ask johnny for help" "nuh-uh thats not how i said it" you sigh exasperatedly "always let my smokin hot amazing handsome boyfriend johnny suh get the job done"

✰ — TAEYONG doesn't care whether you take the time shopping or not. in fact, he loves seeing you all excited and giddy for pampering yourself as you should. totally the type to hold the paper bags even if you complain and say you can manage on your own. is a complete angel and will wait patiently outside changing rooms and will give you genuine insight he has of the clothes you picked. "that looks nice. you should get that. the length is just right and the sleeves help accentuate your waist" "really yongie?" "yes love. i mean you look pretty in everything anyway" miss ma'am my heart just fucking melted ?¿?

✰ — YUTA doesn't look like it but will exert real effort into things. would be the type to have a note or a google doc about your favorite orders from restaurants because he just loves how your eyes light up appreciatively and you look so smitten by him. its like a cheat sheet. eventually he memorizes the list with how much time he spends with you and he wont even need it. the type to always bring you food before meeting you (if its just hanging out inside the house). "no way! i was just craving for these!" he smiles before kissing your forehead, volunteering to put the food out its container for you. "i figured. you'd been working since this afternoon. lets eat first then you can tell me about what you've been working on so i can help you, okay?"

✰ — DOYOUNG loves cooking for you. i highkey feel like its his love language? like cooking for you and seeing your eyes light up as it darts back to him after you take your first bite from whatever he cooked just gives him so much happiness. its disgustingly sappy and he doesn't like talking about it. now he understood fully what it meant to see your loved ones eating and being full yourself or some shit. idk how the actual quote goes okay dont come 4 me but u probably get it. anyway the type to always pack you lunch and will get hella mad if you skip meals. "what do you mean you havent eaten yet?" "yeah but i will after i--" "you mean you're going to eat Now?" "what? no maybe later--" "thats it im coming over"

✰ — JAEHYUN would be the type to make you playlists. its really random sometimes he'll send them to you in the early morning for the heck of it bc he cant sleep. most of the time its him being horny lmao the frat boy in him awakening and sending you a playlist called imma blow your back out or something extremely cringey and thirsty pls dont block his sorry ass maybe he'd spell out the words using song titles too! idk jae just rlly strikes me as a guy who's love language is music. "hey babe did you check the playlist i sent you?" "wtf its 4am???" "oh so you havent listened to it yet?" "fuck off" but at the end of the day he'll come over and will use the playlist to,,, you know,,, do the sexy thing ;)

✰ — JUNGWOO always makes sure you walk on the inside of the road. you know when you're walking in the street and he softly nudges your waist? yes. will probably even scold you playfully because with how long its been since you both are together, "babe you always walk on the inside of the road how many times do i have to tell you?" is also the type to remind you to wear your seatbelt immediately after hopping onto his car. would ask you Again while in the middle of the car ride because he forgot that he already asked you earlier. please don't mind him he's just looking out for you bb. "seatbelt?" "yes, babe. already done" "are you sure? i dont think i heard it click--" "babe eyes on the road please" "oh right sorry"

✰ — MARK sends you tiktoks, vines, or memes. this is his love language fite me im calling it. he just wants to see you laugh too okay? thats why he does it. i mean it made him laugh, so maybe it will you laugh too. also because he hopes to make inside jokes with u cuz he believes thats how people really get close and stuff. would definitely love it if you do the same thing with him. you'd be chilling in the sofa while khalid plays on the bluetooth speaker and he'll suddenly go "babe babe babe check this out!" then you both proceed to laugh at a vine for the next thirty minutes <3 #living.the.yn.life

✰ — HAECHAN will do your skincare for you when you're drunk or super tired that you just passed out cold on the bed. would probably come into the room to see you snoring and tutting bc now he has to do it for you again but meh deep down he loves it because he enjoys admiring your sleeping face. its sorta like a healing thing for him? yeah it just washes away all the stress he's feeling and bb is just excited about the idea that this becomes "your thing" with him if u get what im saying? altho the next day he'll probably use it as a leverage to get out of chores :) "no way im not folding our clothes" "and why is that?" "i took your make up off yesterday u know how hard that is? im still tired" "but its literally the next day--" "awww thank you for doing my chores, baby! u the best!" ._.

[bubba-writes]

Hey, if you're free, would you like to make a jschlatt's request? You know I'm a sucker for him.

So! Reader (she/her) is secretly in love with jschlatt, but due to his bubbly persona towards everyone equally, no one can really tell.

She knows (thinks) she would be harshly rejected if she says anything about it, so she keeps it to herself.

Until one day, drowning her sorrows in alcohol and accidently drinking way too much -in the middle of work, mind you- she starts confessing all the things she actually thinks about everyone, mostly good things, some other not, but nothing serious. And then, jschlatt comes, and sees her like that. He scolds her for being drunk in work till reader grabs him by the tie and kisses him, whispering a "shut the fuck up" afterwards. Jschlatt is flustered in front of everyone but before he can say anything reader passes out.

So now, reader wonders what the fuck she did yesterday to get everyone looking at her that weirdly. No one dares to tell her what happened, so he turns into the only person she hasn't asked... the president himself.

Flustered pinning idiots. If you do jschlatt p.o.v better yet.

{a/n; of course! its currently 3:30 am at my time of writing this though so im sorry if i mess anything up or if it's not very good HSSJJD}

tws: alcohol, kissing

"confessions" - jschlatt x reader (she/her)

y/n had liked schlatt for a while. even though their personalities were polar opposites, she thought he was amazing. but she knew he would never return her feelings. right? he would surely yell at her. so she didnt tell him.

as y/n sits with her back to the wall, half empty bottle of whiskey in hand, she cant help but giggle. she didnt mean to drink this much, but she just couldnt stop thinking about schlatt. the way his ram-like ears twitched when he was focused, the little smile he gave her when she told him to take a break from work or asked if he had eaten that day, even his voice. so she sat there, absolutely shitfaced, mumbling things to herself and laughing. she vaguely thinks shes supposed to be filling out some paperwork or something, but her thoughts are muddied and incoherent. all she can think about is the man she loves. the way hes just a little bit nicer to her than to everyone else, but the way he obviously doesnt return her feelings. the way hes standing right in front of her.

she looks up at schlatt and blinks. the man looked worried, worried as he would allow himself to look towards another person. she stumbles to her feet, looking up at him.

"y/n? what the fuck! you're supposed to be doing paperwork! are you drunk? y/n..-" he trailed off as y/n grabbed his tie, pulling him down to her height.

"shut the fuck up.." she slurred, pulling him down farther.

"what are you d-" the mans protests were cut off when y/n pressed her lips against his, the taste of bitter alcohol lingering on her mouth.

did she just- schlatt's brain was going in circles. did she like him? was it just because she was drunk? either way he wanted her to do it again. when she was sober. when he knew she meant it. he huffed in slight annoyance, face red.

"up we go."

he quite literally swept y/n off her feet, carrying her back to his room and laying her on the bed. she was already mostly asleep, eyes half lidded from equal parts sleepiness and alcohol. she turned over in the bed to look at schlatt where he was sat at his desk filling out the paperwork she was meant to do earlier. she smiled tiredly at him as he looked up, making grabby hands towards him. he blinked, slowly getting up with a mildly confused expression, before seeming to understand. he sighed, climbing into the bed with y/n. he pulled her close to his chest, face red from the contact. y/n giggled and promptly fell asleep.

schlatt huffed in light-hearted annoyance.

"you better remember this in the morning." he muttered, burying his face in y/n's h/c hair and falling asleep with her in his arms.

{a/n; im so sorry about the length and the overall shitty quality i started falling asleep like halfway through. ill go back when its daytime and fix it up. i did enjoy writing this though! i got really excited when i saw i had a request lmao. if i missed something in your prompt or you want me to rewrite it just let me know!}

[caberex]

here's some random suggestions from my personal music collection under the cut. sorry its so long lmao

albums (these are all albums i've listened to all the way through):

remember that you will die - polyphia (instrumental rock, most songs on this album dont have lyrics. perfect if you like really good guitar solos!)

transcendental youth - the mountain goats (folk/folkpunk- a very solid album with really good themes, the production is a bit crunchy but that's the case with all mountain goats albums)

moon colony bloodbath - the mountain goats/john vanderslice (also folkpunk but this album in particular is extremely good- the whole thing is on youtube. if you dont listen to any other album this one is very good. the production is also great.)

august and everything after - counting crows (one of my mum's favourite albums: skip 'raining in baltimore' its miserable and dogshit compared to the rest of the album. best songs are 'mr jones' and 'anna begins')

rise and fall of ziggy stardust - david bowie (a classic, had to throw it in. you've probably listened to this one before, but maybe give it a relisten?)

cowboy bebop original soundtrack - seatbelts (majority jazz and blues influences- DO NOT try to listen all the way through. there are like 70 songs on there. they are all really good though. frankly the seatbelts are generally very good.)

knife man - ajj (folkpunk, and arguably the best folkpunk album. listen to this live version of 'big bird' though. a bit of a heavy listen)

indevidual songs:

ferryman - john mcfarlane (nice, haunting. the way he sings 'arms made of granite' gives me chills every time)

bonedigger - john macfarlane also (folk (i think) geology music. makes me feel like im hunting for fossils)

too drunk to come - pangea (rock- just a good song)

promiscuous - nelly furtado (pop? im not good with genre. once described as 'transcendental', i had this song stuck in my head for an entire day doing my design A-level final test. and i didnt even mind that much)

shut eye - stealing sheep (blows me away with how good it is every time)

small red boy AND no more shame no more fear no more dread - ajj (the two best songs off of 'the bible 2', and 2 of ajj's best songs ever in my opinion.)

your woman - white town (pop! weird but beautiful production. came out in the 90s but you cant tell, its sooo good.)

hope this helps! sorry i am just legally required take any opportunity to reccomend 'moon colony bloodbath'

Does anyone recommend any good songs?

I've been looping the same power metal album and a few national anthems to little avail and I need something new.

although I'm open to any genre from any year

[youngbloodlisk]

warnings: threesome, foursome, daddy kink, master kink, probably every standard sexual act you can think of (i honestly cant even remember what was and wasnt included and we love that), choking, petnames, sir kink, biting, some public stuff, rough smut, rlly rough smut lmao, degradation, i think thats it? but if i missed something im very sorry my brain is kind of a mushy submissive mess after reading this

omg i loved this shgdhdjdhdgh even as someone who doesnt love daddy/master and stuff as much as other people i very much enjoyed this thank you for submitting it omg

ok that was all lisa talking, here’s the actual dom!yoongi, dom!taehyung, dom!jungkook, sub!reader submission from @kpop-4-ever:

Taehyung. Taehyung. Taehyung. You banged your head in your hands frustratedly. At one point, you missed and banged your head on the desk. The teacher stopped speaking and everyone looked at you. “I’m okay…” She shrugged and went back to writing impossible math problems on the board. All but one of the students directed their attention back to the board. You sighed and winced when you got hit by a note. You opened it and smiled. Your dorm @4 and your bed is mine. Quickly, you threw a glance at your mint-haired friend who smirked at you. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him. Luckily, you had homework so you wouldn’t fight over the bed.

Four rolled around quickly and you left your door unlocked. It wasn’t like your friend was going to knock anyways. “I’M HERE AND I BROUGHT A FRIEND.” “IN HERE.” You watched as he entered the room. “Hey, Yoongs!” He muttered a ‘hey’ and jumped on your bed. “My homework gives me more reaction than you.” “I’m here, too.” A small voice came from the doorway. “Chimmy!” Jimin was your childhood crush, but as all good things get older, they fade. That’s exactly what happened. Now you have a crush on the campus hot boy alien, Kim Taehyung. He was untouchable. Unreachable. He’s been on your mind since he gave you his umbrella and stood in the rain.

“Yoongles?” “Why do you hate me?” He sighed and groaned. “Cause I do. Now, did you pay attention in class?” You heard a slight chuckle. “I was zoned out but I know one thing. You were thinking of Taehyung.” He sneered. The closest soft thing was a plushie, so you decided to throw it at Yoongi. Jimin perked up. “I wanna talk about Tae.” “I don’t.” He forcefully turned your seat around and made you look at him. “We are talking about Taehyung.” “You looked like shit in class.” Of course, Yoongi noticed. No matter how much concealer you put on, he could tell. “I didn’t get good sleep last night.” “I can tell. These sheets smell clean, which means you washed them this morning.” True. You did. You hate washing your sheets so you do it once a month unless you have a reason to do it sooner.

"Okay, so I had a dream…” That was the truth… just not the full truth. “What kind of dream?” Yoongi smirked. “Obviously one about Taehyung, Jimin.” Sighing and blushing, you hid your head in your hands. “Ooh, was he choking you? Did he chain you up? Did he blindfold you? Did he make you call him daddy?” No. No. No. You absolutely did not want that image in your head right now, especially not in front of your friends. You bit back a moan and shuddered instead. “I don’t want to talk about it.” “He’s got you whipped.” Jimin giggled, playfully teasing you. You groaned. “Shut up, please!” Jimin looked taken aback. “Man, you need to get fucked and fast. You’re a bitch.” “I don’t need your criticism, Jimin. Or your advice.” At this point, the homework was forgotten until you turned around. Your phone buzzed violently.

ᗰᗩᗰᗩ ᒍIᑎ

Did you hear the news?

Did you?

Did you?

Answer me!

I cannot believe you don’t love your brother

What news?

Taehyung’s heading towards your house

What!?

I think it was something like he’s moving in next to you.

WHAT!?

*out of text*

“SERIOUSLY, HE DIDN'T THINK TO TELL ME THAT TAEHYUNG IS MOVING IN NEXT DOOR?” “Ooh, the tea is piping hot!” “Shut up, Jimin.” You groaned as someone knocked on the door. “Must be, Jinyoung.” The dorms were co-ed which was stupid, but you guess that the administration didn’t care if you got an STD, or worse, pregnant. Jinyoung hadn’t been home in weeks and you noticed his door was closed the entire time, but he was a private person so nothing was thought of it. You stood up and readjusted your shorts from riding up any farther. Thinking he could hear you, you started complaining to the door. “Jinyoung, you know that the key opens the door. Don’t tell me you lost it otherwise-“ You finally paid attention to who was at the door. Kim Taehyung. Jungkook was standing behind him with the second half of Taehyung’s stuff. “Hi! Are you going to let me in to my dorm, roomie?”

Subconsciously, you moved but you were still surprised. You didn’t think he’d be moving in with you. Where was he going to sleep? “Sit your stuff in the living room for now, please.” Slowly comprehending, you opened Jinyoung’s room to see it empty with a letter on the bed explaining that he was moving back home. That bitch left me, you thought. “In here.” Taehyung moved his stuff to the room and noticed the letter. “Jinyoung didn’t tell you did he?” Your head snapped to him confused. “Jinyoung recommended that I move in here. Said you were chill.” “You get settled in and I’m going back to my room.” He nodded and as soon as you shut your door you screamed. “FUCK!” Yoongi was sitting up, smirking at you and Jimin was giggling. “I think I’m going to leave…” “No you don’t.” You shoved Yoongi back on the bed and threw yourself in your chair.

A knock sounded on your bedroom door and Jimin opened it before you could react. Taehyung and Jungkook stood at the door. “YOU GOT AN XBOX ONE, PLAYSTATION, WII, AND TWO COMPUTERS FOR GAMING!” You giggled at Jungkook’s reaction. Typically, after school, you would come in here and play against people or just play for fun. “Is Jungkookie excited by my new roommate’s gaming system?” He nodded. “If you want, we can play sometime, Jungkook.” You could see him glowing with excitement. “I can come back if you want to be alone.” Taehyung eyed Jimin and Yoongi cautiously. His tone told you that he was thinking you were going to do something with Jimin and Yoongi. “It’s okay, they’re just friends.” “I’m not just your friend…” Jimin is not helping. “I’m your childhood best friend too!” “Go order takeout and make yourself useful.”

He stuck his tongue out at you before going to the living room to order. “What do you need?” “I was wondering if you’d help me do laundry?” Yoongi chuckled and gave you a look. That ‘this is the guy you want to fuck you’ look. “You don’t know how to do laundry?” He sheepishly grinned. “I mean, I do, but I don’t want to break another washer because it was different.” Jungkook chimed in much to the despair of his best friend. “Oh yeah! You broke the knob off and then fried the wiring.” Yoongi chuckled at you. Through gritted teeth, Taehyung spoke. “Yes, I was referring to that one.” Thankfully, Jimin came back into the room which saved Taehyung from complete embarrassment. Whatever, you thought. “Let’s go, it’s downstairs.” He nodded and grabbed his laundry. The two of you walked side by side in silence until you got to the laundry room. He watched closely as you showed him how to use the washer, eyes analyzing your every move.

———————————————————

On more than one occasion, you went with Taehyung to do his laundry, only staying in when you needed to study. This time was no different. The two of you had grown close, even going as far as you kissing him when you were flat out drunk from a party Jimin threw. “Why do you wash your clothes so much? Do you like me or something?” “Or something,” he responded, not paying attention to you drooling over him. His shirt stayed taut in all the right places. You watched as he tossed his clothes in the washer and started it. Growing bored as the time passed, you hopped up on the dryer and dangled your legs off the side. Keeping up with the conversation, you moved your legs as Taehyung transferred his clothes to the dryer and turned it on. Bad idea to sit on the dryer. You lurched forward as it vibrated beneath you, grazing your clit. You moaned softly and then blushed after realizing what happened.

“I-I have to go.” You were too embarrassed to stay and deal with the fact that your hot roommate heard you get turned on by a dryer. “Stay.” Taehyung’s voice was dominant and turned you on even more. Your juices were slowly soaking through to your shorts. Luckily, you were wearing black so it didn’t show, but at least you were in a place where you could wash your clothes. “Did that turn you on?” You shook your head. “Answer me, baby doll.” A small whimper left your lips when he forced his leg in between yours. “Yes, Daddy.” Daddy. Taehyung just realized that he had a Daddy kink. “Fuck, that was hot.” He watched as your face turned pink and looked away from him. This was not acceptable in his book. His hand gripped your chin and forced you to look at him. You looked into his lust-filled eyes and gulped as he leaned in closer, lips brushing yours. The need controlled your movements as you pulled him into a heated kiss. It was a mess of moans and tongues as you submitted to Taehyung.

Pulling away to catch your breath, Taehyung nipped and sucked at the soft skin of your neck, leaving marks. “We can’t do this here. There are cameras.” He nipped harshly at a sweet spot, causing you to moan. “Let them watch.” Forcing yourself not to succumb to his wants, you pushed him away. “We’ll get kicked out.” You jumped down only to be pushed against the wall. Taehyung grinded himself against you, the pleasure making you throw your head back. “Tae,” your voice was barely a whimper now. “You can’t leave me hanging babydoll, now can you?” “No Daddy but-“ He effectively cut you off by thrusting his long, slender fingers in your mouth, making you gag at the sudden intrusion. Drool spilled out of the corner of your mouth, making you feel absolutely filthy. If one were to walk into the laundry room, they’d know exactly what was going down or more who was going down.

Footsteps sounded in the hallway, nearing closer to the laundry room. “Stay quiet, babydoll and they won’t know a thing. You can do that for me, right?” “Yes, Daddy,” you sighed. “Good girl.” Taehyung removed his fingers from your mouth and wiped them on his sweatpants. “Hey, Taehyung. ________.” You managed to squeak out a small hi to your classmate, but Taehyung’s wandering hands didn’t help either. When she looked away to grab clothes, Taehyung’s large hand groped your breast, pinching your sensitive nipple through the shirt. “Shit,” you gasped. “Are you okay?” You looked up to see the girl staring at you worried. “Yeah, just had a cold chill.” It wasn’t a total lie, but it was believable enough for her to return to her laundry. “Who knew my baby doll had a little mouth on her?” Taehyung whispered into your ear, sending shivers down your spine. “What else can that pretty mouth say?” “Wait until we get back to the dorm to do anything,” you hissed, scared of getting caught but loving the thrill. “Tsk. Are you disrespecting me? Do I need to punish you?”

The thought of what Taehyung could do to you made you even wetter. Your juices threatened to escape your shorts and show him how much that affected you but there was no need. His fingers slipped into your shorts and ran across your clit forcing you to bite your lip to keep quiet. “Hey, you look sick. Are you okay?” You looked up to find the girl staring at you and suddenly, you were all too aware of Taehyung’s fingers threatening to push into you in a public area. “Yeah, it’s just hot in here.” “It is a little, but will you be kind enough to watch my clothes? I have to study and I don’t want someone to set them on top again in the middle of the wash.” A quick nod made her smile, and leave the room. “Babydoll, I think you have a voyeurism kink.” A smirk was etched on his face as you turned to him, wide-eyed. “And I think I know just how to satiate that. Would you like me to call Jungkookie? Or how about Yoongi hyung, hmm? How would you like to have your best friend watch you get ruined?”

“You don’t even need to talk, your body is talking for you,” he purred into your ear. You whined when he slipped his hands out of your shorts and tapped your lips. “Open up, babydoll.” Maybe you could get some retribution for his teasing. The lewd sucking sounds from you made Taehyung groan out loud. He pulled his fingers out and dried them on his sweatpants before turning to the dryer. “I think the dryer’s done.” Your mouth hung open as he completely ignored the fact that he had just been toying with you, making you a mess. Taehyung grabbed his phone and pulled up his contacts before calling someone. “I’ll be right back,” he said heading out to the hallway. Dumbfounded, you stood in place trying to figure out what just happened. Sexually frustrated, you squeezed your thighs together, hoping that your classmate would come to get her clothes so you could go home and fix your own problems. Fuck Taehyung. Fuck him and his effect on you.

“Hey, thank you! I owe you a favor.” You came back down to earth to see the second person you wanted to see the most. “Oh, it’s no biggie.” Exhaling heavily, you grabbed Taehyung’s clothes from the dryer, put them in his basket, and walked out to where he stood, still on his phone. He grunted when you shoved the basket into his chest before stomping back to the apartment, clearly struggling to keep your cool. Behind you, you heard Taehyung chuckle. “Okay, see you soon. Bye.” Was he really going to leave you like this? Almost immediately, you shut your bedroom door. You threw yourself face down on your bed, screaming. You turned over and stared at the ceiling, thinking about how it would feel to have Taehyung’s long fingers reaching lengths that your own couldn’t. Just the thought itself made your hands crawl down to the place that needed the most attention. You wasted no time slipping your fingers in between your folds, collecting the slick that was now dripping down onto the back of your shorts.

With ease, you pushed in one finger, your back arching at the pleasure. “Fuck,” you moaned out, now thrusting your fingers in and out. Moans spilled from your mouth as you edged closer to your high. Your door creaked open and you heard a tsk. “Babydoll, you couldn’t wait for me?” “You were busy on the phone,” you spat. “Being a little brat, are we? I think I can fix that.” Taehyung grabbed the silk tie from your robe hanging on the door and crawled onto your bed. “Hands.” “No, I’m so close,” you whimpered. He ignored your pleading as his large hands wrapped around your wrists, forcing them up towards the bed frame. “You don’t want to listen, then you don’t get to cum, baby doll. Fine. By. Me.” You tugged at the silk that restricted you to the bed. “Tae,” you whined out, earning a glare. “What did you just call me?” He asked darkly. “I’m sorry, Daddy.” His dark eyes disappeared when he smiled, causing you to internally scream at the fact that he could look so sexy one minute, but the next minute so cute.

“I brought you a gift!” Taehyung exclaimed, excitedly. Confused, you watched as he opened the door to reveal your best friend, leaning against your door frame. “Y-Yoongi, what are you doing here?” “No speaking without permission, Babydoll.” Yoongi strolled in and sat down in your desk chair, spreading his legs while exerting dominance. “Daddy, what are you doing?” “Kitten, I believe he told you not to talk without permission.” You gulped and watched as Taehyung stalked you like his prey. “Hmm, I bet you taste sweet.” Your hips rutted into the air as Taehyung dragged his fingers up your leg, over the spot you wanted them most, over your chest, and to your cheeks where he harshly squeezed them and forced you to look at him. “I want you to be a good girl for me. Or else.” Without warning, Taehyung ripped your shirt, exposing the dark red bra that you were thankful you had put on before going to the laundry room. “We won’t be needing this,” he said before reaching underneath you and unclasping your bra in one swift motion.

As the garment was thrown across the room, Taehyung was working at your perked nipples. You gasped as he pinched and twisted the sensitive bud. A low chuckle escaped from his lips as he took the other in his mouth, using his tongue to stimulate you. “Fuck,” you whined. Taehyung pulled back and removed his hands. “I’m pretty sure Taehyung made himself clear, Kitten,” Yoongi stated. You looked up at Taehyung as if asking for permission to talk. “You may speak, babydoll.” “I’m sorry, Daddy. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Just touch me please,” you said desperately, already having been denied an orgasm once. “I think you should ask Yoongi hyung what he thinks.” “Yoongi-“ He held up his hand to quiet you. “If you want to get anywhere with me, then you should call me master.” “Master, I’ll do anything, I just want someone to touch me. Please.” You saw a small smirk appear on his face as you spoke. “Taehyung, I think Kitten wants you to taste her.” “With pleasure.”

Taehyung tapped your thigh to signal for you to lift your hips so he could take off your shorts. “Babydoll, you're soaked. Is it because of Daddy or maybe it’s caused by your master?” You took your lip in between your teeth to stop the noises threatening to release themselves. A loud moan forced its way out of your mouth as Taehyung licked a stripe up your folds. “How does she taste?” “So good.” Just as quick as he spoke, he was already diving back in, devouring you like a starved man. You let out a broken sob at the euphoric feeling. If your hands weren’t tied, they’d be tangled up in Taehyung’s messy hair. Instead, you let your thighs tighten around his head. “Kitten, you're gonna suffocate him.” The male in between your legs let out a groan when he realized Yoongi’s words affected you. “Use your fingers, Taehyung.” Complying to Yoongi’s command, Taehyung slipped a finger into you, moving it at a fast pace. “Don’t be a pussy, add more. She can take it.” “Master-“ Your words were cut off by the male adding two more fingers. You felt your high approaching and so did Taehyung. Right before you came, he pulled away, letting your orgasm fade.

“You didn’t think I’d actually let you come so soon, did you, babydoll? You’ve been a bad girl.” You stared at him, tears spilling out of your eyes from being so close. “Don’t look so sad, Kitten. We’re just getting started.” Taehyung crawled off the bed and stripped off his shirt and pants, leaving himself in his underwear. Your eyes widened at the sight of Taehyung’s bulge straining against his boxers. You happily sighed as he took them off, letting his dick stand tall and proud. “Like what you see?” Taehyung asked cockily. “I know for a fact that Yoongi’s bigger.” He let out a growl, sounding almost animalistic as Yoongi chuckled from the side. “Well, she’s not wrong.” “It doesn’t matter the size, as long as you fuck your bitch right.” The bed dipped as he untied the silk from the bed frame. He pulled you towards him, seeing as how your wrists were still tied together. “And tonight, along with every other night, you are my bitch.” His lips crashed against yours in a messy make out. You fought for dominance but ultimately lost. Taehyung pulled away for air and readjusted you so you were on his lap. Even though he was dominating you, he still wanted to make sure you were ready for him.

“Are you ready?” The sincerity in his voice was sweet but you were too far gone to care. “Take me, daddy. Make me your bitch.” You whispered the last word into his ear before nibbling at it, making him groan. Taehyung lifted you up and helped you ease onto his dick. He let out a guttural groan as he bottomed out. “Move for me, babydoll.” Using his chest as leverage, you brought your body up before slamming it back down, repeating the process. Eventually, you started to slow down, becoming worn out from doing all the work. Taehyung gladly took control, flipping you over and pounding you deep into the mattress, making you moan out loud. You glanced over at Yoongi, who was watching the entire show with a cocky smirk plastered on his face. A sharp gasp left your lips as Taehyung found that ‘special’ spot. “YOONGI,” you screamed out in pleasure, making Taehyung wrap his hands around your throat and lean down towards you. He chuckled deeply into your ear. “Oh babydoll, you’re in for a long night.”

You became frustrated when Taehyung pulled out once again, making you cry out. “Daddy. Please let me cum just once.” He pretended to think about it before shaking his head. “I think you’ve been a good girl but I’m not letting you cum. He might though.” You froze and looked to where Taehyung was pointing. Jungkook stood dumbfounded in the doorway, watching your naked body shudder under his gaze. Yoongi pulled up the other chair and patted it, signaling Jungkook to sit down. You watched as he shifted in his chair, trying to ignore the raging hard-on he was sporting. “Looks like Jungkookie has a little problem. Why don’t you let him use you? Maybe he’ll let you cum.” Jungkook visibly gulped as Taehyung stepped away and gave him permission to come up to you. “C-Can I?” He asked, reaching out for your hand. “Yes, sir.” His eyes darkened at the two little words that held a monumental effect on him. Jungkook carefully took your hand in his, wanting to be a little more on the sweet side.

“She’s not porcelain, she won’t break,” Taehyung scoffed. “Trust me, I know.” He added, throwing you a smirk. “You’re right, I didn’t break. Maybe you just didn’t fuck me hard enough.” Sure you were gonna die, but it would be worth it. “Bitch-“ Jungkook turned and stood face to face with Taehyung. “You said it was my turn, therefore; it’s my turn. Clearly, you didn’t impress her.” Taehyung backed up, astonished that his friend just spoke back to him. Jungkook returned to his spot beside you and untied your wrists. “No need for this.” You sighed and rolled your wrists, happy that there wasn’t something restraining them anymore. “Thank you, sir.” “On your knees.” Gladly, you dropped down on your knees in front of him. His hands fumbled to get the belt on his jeans undone, but once he got it off everything else was easy. “I want you to put that pretty mouth to use. You said you don’t have a gag reflex and I’m here to test that, Princess.”

Once his dick was free from its confinement, you set to work, smearing his precum along his length. He let out an almost pornographic moan when you kitten licked his tip. “Don’t tease.” Not wanting to make him wait any longer, you opened your mouth and fit as much as you could at one time. “Good girl,” Jungkook groaned, his fingers tangling into your hair and pushing you further down, enjoying the feeling of your tongue swirling around his dick. You hollowed your cheeks and began to suck on his length softly. He bucked his hips harshly when he felt you swallow the drool threatening to spill out of the corners of your mouth. “I can’t hold back, Princess.” You tapped his thigh signaling to let go of his restraint and just fuck your mouth until your throat is raw. Jungkook happily did so, thrusting roughly to the point where your nose reached the skin at the base of his dick. “You weren’t lying, babydoll. You really don’t have a gag reflex.” Feeling proud of your little feat, you sucked harshly making Jungkook’s head fall back in pleasure. Somewhere in there, you swore you heard Yoongi mumble, “fuck, that’s hot,” under his breath.

“I’m cumming, Princess.” You felt him pull out of your mouth and use his hand to get his release. “Open your mouth,” Jungkook commanded. Just the sheer tone of his voice made you eagerly stick out your tongue awaiting his next move. He moaned as he came, his release staying mainly on your tongue but escaping to your chin and down to your chest. “Look at the little cum slut so eager to please,” Yoongi chuckled, his thumb coming to wipe the excess off your chin and bringing it to your mouth. “Open up, Princess.” You took Yoongi’s thumb in your mouth and sucked, trying to make his facade break. “You can show me what that little mouth of yours can do later. Right now, it’s Jungkook’s turn, Kitten.” Listening to Yoongi, you turned to see Jungkook already shirtless and working on his skinny jeans. You gawked at his muscles, admiring how well built he was. “Shit,” you whispered under your breath, imagining Jungkook fucking you up against your bedroom wall. His strong arms holding you up while his hips thrust into you at an inhuman pace.

“Tell me what’s on your mind, Princess.” Back in reality, Jungkook was already stripped and standing in front of you. “Nothing, sir.” “Now don’t lie or you won’t get what you want.” You gulped nervously and spoke. “I was thinking about you f-fucking me against the wall.” Your voice was hushed and raw but Jungkook still smirked, hearing you clearly. “Your wish is my command.” Before you could speak, his hands were already helping you to your feet. He pulled you into a kiss that started out soft, his teeth occasionally nibbling at your bottom lip. “Jump.” As soon as your legs wrapped around his body, the kiss became rougher and needier. Your hands tangled into his hair, and your back hit the cold wall, making you whine. With his strength, he gingerly slid you onto his length. The sound of his skillful hips slapping against your skin soon filled the room as Jungkook set to work on covering your neck in his marks. You moaned when he found your sweet spot. “Found it,” he said with a small chuckle. He continued his assault on your neck, enjoying the sinful sounds you made dangerously close to his ear.

“Sir, I’m going to cum,” you whispered in between marking his neck. “Cum for me, Princess.” Unable to hold back any longer, you bit down onto Jungkook’s neck as you came, your moans being muffled. Jungkook wasn’t expecting you to have a biting kink but it had him pulling out and cumming in seconds. “I wasn’t expecting that,” he worded breathlessly. Your head laid on his shoulders, tired and worn out. Jungkook laid you onto the bed and watched as you started to drift off, chuckling because they were not done with you. Sleep was only an inch away when you were jolted awake by a tongue against your sensitive clit. You looked down to see Yoongi lazily eating you out, taking his time and ruining any chance of you getting any energy back. “Yoongi,” you whimpered out, earning a small bite on your thigh. “Master, please. I can’t take it. It hurts.” He pulled his head up to look at you with dangerous eyes. “Keep complaining and I’ll make sure you can’t walk tomorrow.” You threw your head back in defeat as Yoongi continued his assault. After a minute or two, he decided to add one of his fingers, pushing it in slowly. Instinctively, your hips bucked into his fingers to get more friction. Your own fingers were tangled in his hair, pulling when his fingers pushed in.

It was so dirty and filthy the way you were enjoying how your best friend was making you feel. The way his tongue skillfully danced across your clit. The way the sucking and nibbling made you cry out in pleasure. “Did I say you could make noise?” “No but-“Yoongi looked up at you with a dark, piercing gaze. “Make one more sound, and I’ll punish you.” You almost whimpered at the sound of his harsh tone, but you held it back and nodded your head. “Good girl.” While Yoongi was teasing you, you tried your hardest to not make a sound, biting your lip so hard it almost started to bleed. His lips traveled up your body, placing light, feathery kisses along with marks that would take weeks to disappear. He crashed his lips against yours in a messy make out and you were careful not to make noise. Your hips moved along with his fingers at a fast pace, making the whole scene feel heavenly. Everyone else in the room became non-existent as Yoongi kissed you roughly, sending bolts down to your core. Even as you were making out with him, you still fought the urge to make noise. Yoongi pulled away from the kiss. “Struggling much, kitten?”

With all your strength, you reached up and crashed your lips against his again to stop the whine threatening to slip from your lips. You were so caught up in kissing him, that you didn’t feel his fingers run through your hair. Yoongi waited a few seconds before tugging your hair harshly. A cry escaped your lips as you grabbed the sheets, crumpling up the once pristine purple sheets. Your eyes widened at the realization of what you had just done, broken his only rule. “Master, please. I didn’t mean to.” The pleads of forgiveness slipped out in a broken voice. Yoongi chuckles darkly. “I had one rule, kitten. And you couldn’t even follow it. I’m disappointed. I didn’t want to have to punish you.” “Please. I’ve been a good girl. Don’t do this,” you whined, feeling his fingers work your orgasm closer. Noticing the way you clenched heavily around his fingers, he pulled them out of you. “You sound cute when you beg, kitten. I can’t wait to make you beg me to stop. If you take your punishment like the good girl I know you are, I’ll fuck you until you’re crying. Okay?” You nodded desperately. “Good. You didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.”

“On your knees, slut. I’m going to fuck your throat raw,” Yoongi commanded. While you got on your knees and awaited your fate, Yoongi undressed himself. He walked to where you were kneeling for him. You were too busy looking at the floor to notice him, so he yanked your hair to make you look at him. “Now that I have your attention, you ready?” You took a deep breath before nodding at him. He released your hair, but only for a minute. He pulled your hair into a makeshift ponytail as he thrust into your mouth. Yoongi chuckled as drool dribbled out of your mouth and down your chin. His low groans were music to your ears. As he grew closer to his release, his pace got rougher and sloppier. Right before he came, he pulled out of your mouth, breathing heavily. “Master, you didn’t cum,” you forced out, your words not fully forming because of your raw throat. “Listen to that. Babydoll can’t speak properly.” Yoongi threw a smirk towards the two other boys in the room as if saying ‘I did this and you didn’t’. “I don’t want to cum yet because you are going to take it like the little cumslut you are. And you’ll enjoy every minute of it whether you like it or not.”

You mentally smiled, knowing that even though Yoongi was treating you like a slut, he would stop if need be. “Bed. Now.” You immediately stood up and went to the bed, complying to Yoongi’s command. “Face down, ass up,” he enunciated each word, forcing you to do the action by pressing his hand in the middle of your back and pushing down so your back was arched. The bed dipped as he climbed up behind you and prepared himself. The stretch was a little different from Jungkook’s and Taehyung’s dicks. It was slightly longer than Jungkook’s but less girthier and Taehyung just couldn’t compare. Taehyung’s length was a bit shorter and less girthier than both men. It was perfect for a causal sex but right now, you wanted to be fucked, destroyed, not able to walk tomorrow. The sound of Yoongi placing harsh smacks on your ass while pounding you face first into the mattress was a sight for the others. Jungkook had gotten his phone out and started to record while Taehyung had grabbed his camera from the other room and took pictures of your fucked out expressions to add to his new keepsake box.

“Let the neighbours hear how good I make you feel, kitten,” Yoongi growled out, focusing on the feeling of you clenching around him. A loud, pornographic moan erupted from your lips, eliciting a smirk from Yoongi. He groaned when he looked at where your cunt was swallowing his dick, pulling it in with a vice-like grip. A word slipped past your mouth, making Yoongi chuckle. “Are you sure you’re ready for me to go faster, kitten?” You tapped the bed, signaling yes as your confirmation words were swallowed into the mattress. Your face went even further into the mattress… if that was even possible. Yoongi thrusted into you at an almost animalistic pace, making you scream into the sheets. “Maybe you should fuck the bitch more often if she screams that loud for you,” Taehyung said, his voice deeper than usual. “Maybe I should. It’s not like you could anyways.” Taehyung clenched his jaw, but opted to not say anything. “Are you going cum all over my dick for me, Kitten?” Knowing you couldn't answer, Yoongi continued to thrust into you harshly, edging you closer to your limit. “Yoongi,” you yelled out as he continued his relentless pace through your orgasm, immediately overstimulating you.

“I’m not stopping until I cum, little brat.” He flipped you over onto your back and repositioned you so that your leg was on his shoulder and the other was against your chest. Tears spilled from your eyes as he ignored your pleas. His hips stuttered as he came inside of you, thrusting a little more to milk himself of every last drop before he fell beside you. “I did too much work,” he huffed out. “Pfft. A good fuck goes all night. A mediocre fuck goes one round,” Taehyung teased, riling up the mint haired boy. “I never said I couldn’t go more rounds, I just said I’m done doing the work.” While the two bickered back and forth, Jungkook was already making his way over to you, wheeling in the chair. With the last bit of strength you had, you climbed into his lap. “How are you feeling, princess?” He asked sweetly. You laid your head on his shoulder, tired. “Sore and tired,” you sighed out, placing a soft kiss on his neck. Jungkook placed a kiss to your forehead and allowed you to rest for a minute or two. “Don’t go to sleep yet. We aren’t finished with you,” he said softly but yet something about it was hot. Discreetly, his hands moved your bottom half against his growing problem. “Sir, please. Five more minutes.” Jungkook sighed sharply. “But I need to be in you.” You lifted yourself up and allowed Jungkook to slip his dick into your sensitive heat.

“Don’t move.” While he didn’t enjoy orders from you, he did enjoy the warmth of your tight walls around his length. Caught up in the passion and slowness of the moment, you kissed Jungkook. You kissed him slowly and passionately, not rough like you did when he was taking you against the wall. His hands laid upon your waist, holding you close. Your arms were wrapped around the back of his neck as you continued your soft make out session. You were so into the kiss that you didn’t realize a few things. A)Jungkook had started moving, going against your instructions, B) Yoongi was watching what was going on, and C) Taehyung was now behind you, trailing his fingers up your body as he sucked marks on your neck and shoulder bone. Feeling Taehyung behind you, sucking and biting at your neck made you kiss Jungkook with a little bit more rush. “Let’s turn you around, babydoll.” Careful, not to move too much, you turned around and came face to face with two dicks. “We’ll give Jungkook the pleasure of finishing off in you last, but I want your mouth, babydoll. Let me see what had the others coming so fast.”

Yoongi looked at you expectantly, clearly not wanting to be left to help himself. Your hand wrapped around his dick and began to pump his length. Taehyung on the other hand, had tapped your lips with his fingers making you open up. He slid his dick in easily and you hollowed your cheeks before bobbing your mouth up and down. Jungkook, noticing that you were preoccupied, took matters into his own hands by bucking his hips up into you causing you to moan around Taehyung. The vibrations against his length made Taehyung groan out and you were pretty sure the neighbours could hear and knew exactly what was going on. “I’m taking over, okay Babydoll?” You looked up at him through your blown out eyes and nodded. His long fingers grabbed ahold of your hair and the back of your head pushing you down to meet his thrust. He did this a couple of times to test the waters before picking up the speed almost making you gag at times. The hand that was working Yoongi stuttered as you tried to focus on the two things that were fucking into you and he quickly lost patience, taking matters into his own hands (metaphorically).

Yoongi started fucking into your hand at the same pace as Taehyung, imagining that it was your skillful tongue working him and not a measly hand. Your knees quickly grew painful at the hard cracked leather scraping and scratching at them but you pushed through. In your bliss, you looked up and saw Taehyung become a groaning mess as he felt his high near. His face was contorted with pleasure as his hands grabbed whatever was nearest to him which happened to be your desk. Yoongi was close by, moaning out your name as you struggled to keep your hand shaped for him. Jungkook wasn’t far behind as he had been edging himself during the time Yoongi was fucking the life out of you. You weren’t as close as the others and you were counting on one of them to help you. “I’m coming, babydoll,” Taehyung choked out. You swallowed the drool that had form in your mouth around him to make room for the next thing. His large hand pushed your head down all the way and released down your throat effectively making you gag. He pulled away, exhausted and went to grab some lotion and towels.

You felt Yoongi’s thumb grab up the excess cum from your mouth and wiped it on your bottom lip. You were going to lick it off to tease him but Jungkook hit just right and had your head falling back against his shoulder. “Sir, more please.” “Yoongi is finished yet.” A whine fell from your lips but you set to work making your hand meet Yoongi’s thrusts. You leaned down to where his dick poked through and kitten licked the tip each time it came through. “Shit. Keep doing that and I won’t be able to hold back.” A few more thrusts or so of doing that and he was cumming. Bits of it were all over your neck and face and some landed on your breasts. The entire picture was lewd. Before Yoongi could get affected by the scene again, he rushed to get the bath running. “It’s just you and me, princess.” With ease, Jungkook went faster while you slammed your hips down to meet his. “Jungkookie, I’m cumming!” “Cum for me, Princess.” He had neared his high right as you had and you both came at the same time. You shut your eyes, tired, sore and hungry. A scream came from the doorway.

“What the fuck?” The new voice had Taehyung and Yoongi running, only Yoongi had the decency to wear a towel around his waist. “YOONGI? Oh my god! I’ll come back later. Have fun.” “Jimin-ah.” Yoongi called him, effectively making the boy turn and stare. “Tell anyone about this and I’ll break you.” Jimin smiled sheepishly knowing he would die if he didn’t listen. “I believe you. I mean, you already broke our best friend. Wait, is she still your best friend or….” “Go wait in the living room.” You gave a weak smile as you heard Jimin laugh down the hallway, running from Yoongi. “Let’s get you two in the bath.” The voice wasn’t registering in your head but you felt yourself being lifted up and placed in the hot bath. Not long after, you felt another body enter the tub. “Come cuddle me, Princess.” “No, we are washing you guys up.” You felt hands placing soap in your hair, washing it before moving onto your body. “She’s tired, Taehyung.” “We all fucked her pretty good.” “Correction, I did.” “Shut up Kook.” “You, Tae.” You chuckled at the boys and let whoever was washing you, continue. “Come on, up you go.” It was Yoongi washing you with such gentleness. He wrapped a towel around you as soon as he helped you stand up. “Let’s go get you some clothes,” he spoke softly which was a nice change from all the times before.

You walked out to the living room in Jungkook's shirt and a pair of loose shorts and nothing else. With the help of the walls, you walked out to Jimin and sat beside him. “One of the boys couldn’t have helped you out here?” “I could do it myself, I’m a big girl,” you said weakly. “Yes you are. So tell me….” You looked at him expectantly, not knowing what was going to be said. “How were they? Especially Yoongi! Was he as big and good as he claimed to be?” The way Jimin threw question after question and cutely stared at you waiting for the answers made you laugh. “They were good and Yoongi is way better and bigger than what he said he was.” The two of you got lost in conversation when the other three came out to sit on the couch and chairs. “I hear you talking good things about Yoongi and Jungkook but what about me?” “You were okay,” you teased Taehyung who pouted. Still hazy from the sex, you leaned over and kissed him. “Did you just kiss me?” “Was I not allowed to?” You question, curious as to why not right now, just minutes after they were all kissing and making out with you. “What are we?” Jungkook asked. “Whatever you guys want to be,” you shrugged, down with being in a relationship or a friends with benefits situation or even just friends and this never happened. The room was silent with people thinking of what to call this.

Yoongi spoke up first. “I’m okay with all of us being in a relationship.” “You’re suggesting polyamory?” You asked, watching his head nod. “I’m down!” All four heads turned to look at the enthusiastic Jungkook already eyeing you. “All you guys need is Taehyung,” Jimin pointed out. “Yeah, I’m good with it. I have more chances to prove myself now.” You threw the pillow at Taehyung and laughed when it hit his head. “Shut up.” “How about no?” “Wait, so this means that I can do couply things with you guys and kiss you and be alone with you?” Yoongi nodded. “Yeah but don’t kiss me in public. Don’t need Jimin getting jealous.” “Yah! I’m not jealous. You’re mediocre at best, hyung.” You smacked Jimin’s chest making him wince. “Don’t say anything you don’t know.” “Oh yeah, I forgot. You’re an expert on Yoongi now,” he joked, sticking his tongue out at you. “I am. And I am an expert on Taehyung and Jungkook. Got a problem?” “No. You aren’t an expert on me so we are good.” You painfully crossed your arms standing your ground. “Oh yeah? Should I tell them about the 3 am Dream calls where you interrupt my sleep talking about your sex dreams?” Jimin’s eyes went wide. “No, I’m sorry. I’ll go order Chinese as a sorry.” The four of you laughed as you watched Jimin scurry off to order food. “Hey, princess?” You turned towards Jungkook only to be met by a quick kiss. “Meanie.”

------

here ya go :) (i'm suffering)

[illfoandillfie]

5 Simple Rules For A Successful Fake Relationship: Ben’s POV

5 SIMPLE RULES MASTERLIST

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summery: 14 scenes told from Ben's Perspective.

Warnings: A whole lotta angst and badly handled feelings. swearing, drinking, a little bit of smut/masturbation (18+) basically everything from the other chapters but from Ben’s side lmao

Words: 22 790 (oh god im sorry, but all the sections are separated so you don’t have to read it in one hit!)

A/N: I know it's like super duper late but here is the final chapter of this series that I promised! Basically just a collection of blurbs (maybe a few oneshot length parts too) that tell the story from the other side. Some are his point of view of things that occurred in the main chapters, some fill in gaps that reader wasn't around for. 

I had a lot of fun writing from a perspective I don't normally write from! It was a bit of a challenge at times but definitely something I'd like to do again.

Taglist: @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @taron-egrotten @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies

@coni-martina @hardforbenhardy @cubedtriangle @vicouscirce @arianabrashierstuff @pattieboydwannabe @maggieroseevans @theprettyandthereckless @friccinfricks​ 

“Pick up Joe, pick up,” Ben mumbled to himself, pacing around his trailer. The phone rang out and he let out a grunt of annoyance as he switched to text message.

I fucked up. Call me.

It was an anxious ten-minute wait in which Ben found it hard to sit still or focus on anything other than what a colossal mistake he’d made. He tried to go over his lines instead, tried to focus on the next scene you’d be filming together but all he could think about was you. You and how badly he’d fucked up. Finally Joe put him out of his misery. “Thank Christ,” “Sorry I was asleep,” a yawning Joe said from the other end of the line, “What happened that you needed to contact me at 6am?” “I said yes,” “To?” “Joe, I know it’s early for you but please try to keep up. I said yes.” There was a pause as Joe tried to work out what Ben meant and then realisation dawned, “Nooooo,” “Yes. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. Oh my god,” Joe groaned, sympathetic, “You said yes? To the fake dating schtick?” “I wasn’t going to,” “I should fucking hope not. After everything we talked about yesterday? After we agreed it was a horrible idea?” “I know! I know,” Ben had to pause to gulp in a breath, his chest suddenly feeling too tight to handle the oxygen, “I was going to say no. I came in with a plan to say no and it was on the tip of my tongue for the entire meeting. They were going through these pages explaining it all and all of the rules we’d have to follow and I was ready to say no, I was going to say no,” “So what happened?” Ben flopped down onto his couch, the one he liked to nap on when time allowed, running his hand through his hair as he spoke, “I looked over at her and my mind clouded over and I said yes,” “Did she ask you to?” “Nope. I think she knew what I was thinking through the whole thing, she seemed shocked when I agreed to it. Fuck, why did I say yes?” “Cause you’re a fucking idiot.” “You can say that again,” “I could but I won’t.” Joe exhaled slowly into the receiver, “Jesus man,” “Yup. You wanna know the worst part though?” “Agreeing to it wasn’t the worst part?” “I’m not totally disappointed,” “Ben,” Joe sounded mildly horrified so Ben hurried to explain. “I mean, I know it’s bad. I know there were a thousand ways to better handle it...sticking to the plan and asking her out after we wrapped being the least of them. But...I have date ideas picked out already. There’s this wine and art place she’d love and the ice-skating rink and I’d love to take her to that Chinese restaurant near me. And I’m kind of happy I have an excuse to look at her now, touch her. I don’t have to worry about if she’s caught me staring or if I’m doing a bad job of hiding my feelings because everyone’s going to think we’re dating anyway so what’s the fucking harm,” “Alright Ben, I’m gonna stop you there. You need to get this shit under control. I suggest going to a bar, getting drunk, and getting into the pants of the first girl who talks to you.” “Can’t,” “Oh don’t give me that bullshit. You’re not so hung up on this Y/N chick that you can’t think about sleeping with someone else, are you?” “Doesn’t matter, I literally can’t unless I want everyone to think I’m cheating on her. Don’t think that’d go down well with the studio or anyone else really. They’d crucify me for fucking up the plan after less than a day.” “Would you have followed my advice even if that wasn’t the case?” Ben mad a non-committal noise, “Probably not. I just want her,” “Doesn’t she have a boyfriend? I distinctly remember you whining about a boyfriend.” “Apparently it was never that serious. He was boring.” “You’re boring too Ben. Hate to break it to you but you’re dull, unexciting, tedious. She’s not going to want to date you either. Might as well give up now,” “Have you got a thesaurus sitting in your lap?” Joe laughed despite himself, “I thought this was going to be a crush Ben. Short lived.” “Me too. It’s not though. I can’t get her out of my mind. When I’m with her I don’t want to leave and then when I have to leave all I can think about is when I’ll next see her. She’s so wonderful and beautiful and kind-hearted. She likes pulling faces at me from behind the camera and she’s got the cutest laugh…When she’s nervous about a scene she bounces her leg. Every time. And she’s so sweet to everyone on set, always chatting with whoever is around and making jokes and stuff. I want to make her laugh. I want to calm her when she’s nervous. I want her.” “Maybe you should just tell her how you feel now. I know you wanted to wait until after the movie but I think that horse has bolted,” “I can’t tell her now, are you insane? If I tell her now she’ll call up her agent and cancel the whole fake dating thing and she’ll never want to see me again,” “Maybe she wants to date you too,” “Nope. She literally said to me she wouldn’t date me in real life,” Ben paused, thinking, “d’you reckon there’s a chance she might fall for me too? Like, with the whole pretending to date thing? Maybe I could convince her I’d be a good boyfriend,” “Don’t get your hopes up Ben,” “You’re right. She’s not going to change her mind about me. We’re friends and that’s it. And I’ve just gotta focus on finishing this movie and getting through the whole relationship without her figuring anything out.” “I don’t envy you, buddy.”

                                                       ***

It took Ben a few moments of lying in the dark to remember why he felt so nervous first thing in the morning. But the waiting message from Peter about what time the photographer would arrive was enough to remind him. He lay there a little longer, trying to prepare himself for everything, trying to convince himself that seeing you first thing in the morning would be enough of a turn off to stop him from feeling the way you made him feel. It didn’t work, the convincing or the seeing you. If anything, seeing you yawning as you left his spare room just made it all the worse. You, in his pyjamas. It made his stomach flip. He found it hard to pull his eyes from you as you drank your coffee, found it hard to not enjoy the sight of you in his pyjamas in his kitchen. You’d never been there before but you didn’t feel out of place. He could imagine other mornings, making pancakes together, you with a spot of batter on your nose that he’d wipe away and replace with a kiss, or else making you the first tea or coffee of the day and bringing it to you in bed, snuggling under the covers with you, your head resting on his chest as you talked quietly about whatever was happening that day. But planning out how you’d look for the camera was a sharp reminder that it wasn’t real, that you were only there because of work.

“And, um, he was very careful in how he worded it, but they want us to look like we fucked. Also I told them I’d take you home so there may be someone waiting for us there too, he never got back to me on it.” “Shit, okay. Umm, guess I’ll just wear this then?” he watched as you indicated the pyjamas you’d borrowed, his pyjamas, “might lose the pants though, help sell it a bit more.” “Yeah, guess so,” Ben had to clear his throat and avert his eyes, terrified that you’d be able to see what he was thinking, willing himself to stop thinking about helping you out of them. “What time is it?” He glanced at the oven, thankful to have even the smallest of diversions, “Twenty past eight,” “God I haven’t been up this early on a weekend in months.” “Not one for farmers markets or anything then?” This was a better topic. Boring, safe. “Not really. Much prefer lying in bed doing nothing.” Shit, “Me too,” he laughed, trying not to imagine you in his bed in just his shirt (fuck the pants they were too big for you anyway). “We’re meant for each other,” Ben took another sip of coffee to keep from groaning. You had no idea what you were doing to him and he wasn’t going to be the one to tell you. Not now at any rate. He’d killed any chance of anything happening when he’d agreed to this stunt and now he had to suck it up and deal with it. “Did you want to have a shower or anything?” “Nah, you can if you want though,” “Might as well wait until I get home. But I am gonna clean my teeth, especially if we have to kiss.” Jesus, the kiss, he’d almost forgotten about that, “Maybe mess up your hair too, make it look like you didn’t sleep much.” This is dangerous territory. “Well how could I when you’re such a good lover,” Oh god oh god oh god, “I know you’re joking but if anyone asks, I’m incredible. You came like three times,” “Did I now?” “Of course,” “Good thing no one’s gonna ask then, don’t think I’m great at lying,” Ben wanted to stop, wanted to switch back to talking about farmers markets and breakfast options but he didn’t seem to have control over himself anymore, “Besides, it’s not really a lie, I am that good. You just haven’t experienced it personally.” You poked your tongue out at him as you turned back towards the bathroom. As soon as he heard the door shut Ben collapsed forward against the kitchen counter, leaning on his palms as he grappled with what had just happened. He’d need to keep his wits about him from now on. Flirting like that couldn’t happen again, he’d been lucky that you'd treated it like friendly banter. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to drown out the voice that suggested you’re lack of awareness was proof of how disinterested you were. It was only when he heard the bathroom door swing open again that he forced himself to move.

“How do I look?” you asked as you re-entered the room. Can’t avoid looking at her now, she wants your opinion, “Gorgeous.” It was true. Everything you’d done to make yourself look like you’d had a late night just made you even more desirable. The messed up hair, the smudge of makeup around your eyes. He gulped when he noticed the undone buttons of the flannel shirt, just enough to tease, and the missing pants. Tell her you want to pin her to the wall and undo the rest of those buttons. Tell her you want to wake up to that sight every morning. “But do I look like I’ve been thoroughly fucked?” “Oh, right, ummm,” he gave you another cursory look, trying not to linger on any part of you for too long, “yes, I think so,” “I feel like there’s something missing,” suddenly you turned on your heel and stepped back towards the bathroom. Ben waited where you’d left him until, “Oh! I know. Might be taking it a bit far though.” Clearly he was supposed to be part of this conversation, so he followed you to the doorway, stepped just over the threshold, “What is it?” You were scrutinising your appearance in the mirror and he let himself watch your reflection, “what if you gave me a hickey?” Ben’s breath caught in his throat though he managed to stutter out your name. “Yeah, I know, that’s a weird thing to ask. Don’t worry, I think we’ll be fine without it,” He inhaled deeply wondering if your backtracking was a sign that you’d worked out what was going on in his head. He couldn’t let that happen. And he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to give you a love bite, though he’d prefer to be covering you in them. Slowly, he let the breath go again, “no, you’re right. A hickey will definitely make it look more authentic,”

“It’s not totally inappropriate for me to ask?” Babe this whole thing is inappropriate, “No, no, we have to make it look legit. Here, I’ll uhhh,” With another, less than steady, breath, he stepped behind you, close enough that you were practically leaning against him. His heart began to beat faster, his stomach did summersaults. Carefully he wrapped his arm around your waist to steady himself, pull you closer, as he pushed your hair to the side. He glanced at your reflection, waiting for you to stop him, to notice his shaky fingers and burning skin and to jump away from him. But you didn’t. You let him lean in, let him press his lips to your neck, let him mark you. He felt your own breath speed up, felt you tilt your head, inviting more. And then. It was only a small hum, but it had definitely come from you. He glanced at the mirror again, saw you had your eyes shut. You liked it. He was giving you a hickey and you were enjoying it. This might be his only chance to do that, to make you feel that way. He refocused on your neck, where his lips met your skin, soothing the fresh brand with his tongue. He could happily have given you ten more, was tempted to go in for a second at least. Instead he let you go, stepped backwards as quickly as he could manage. If he waited too long he’d end up saying something he’d regret. “Will that do?” “It’s great Ben really ties the whole look together,” He tried to match your smile though it felt like there was a warning siren going off in his head, “Good. Good. Okay then, I’ll umm, what time is it?” “Just after nine. Wonder if the photographer is here yet,” “I think I will jump in for that shower actually, by the time I’m done he will definitely be here,” he needed some time to compose himself before he even thought about stepping outside the door with you, “Make yourself comfortable though, watch some TV or something.” “Alright. Thanks for being so cool about all this. I know you’re a little sceptical about the benefits and everything.” “It’s fine Y/N, no need for any of that,” he forced another smile as you left but the moment you’d pulled the door shut it slipped again. Slowly he made his way to the tap, splashed his face with cold water. His fingers still tingled where they’d rested against you. The echo of your hum was stuck in his head. Your perfume still lingered in the air. “Fuck,” Ben directed the curse at his reflection, unsure any other word could sum up better than that. The fact that you didn’t want him was fucked, having you here looking the part of the perfect girlfriend was fucked, giving you a hickey for the performance was fucked. And the fact that he was sporting a semi from it was really just the cherry on top of his totally fucked sundae. He couldn’t go back out to you in such a state, especially not when you were going to have to make out for the camera. A shower to relieve himself was the only answer, though he felt bad about you being only a couple of rooms over.

With a final prayer that you wouldn’t overhear or work out why he’d changed his mind about the shower, he turned the taps on and began undressing, wincing a little as he stuck his arm under the scalding hot water. With some adjustment he was able to fully step into the shower, pausing for a moment to relax under the steady beat of the water before reaching for the soap. Of course, you were on his mind as he wrapped his hand around his cock and slowly started stroking himself. The way you looked in his shirt, the swell of your breasts just barely exposed, tantalisingly so. The hem of the shirt draped over your bare thighs. You’d make such a sight dressed like that, lying in his bed, the sheets tangled around your legs. Better still his legs tangled between yours. He thought of the hum you made as he’d sucked at your throat. On the verge of a whine, maybe even a moan. Would you whine if his lips were on your chest instead? What about your thighs, leaving a trail up to… His breathing was faster now, hand moving at a similar speed. We’re made for each other. Your voice, your words. You’d say it, half pant it, while he was inside you. Made for each other. And you’d hum that hum of pleasure. Your thighs, under his shirt. His arm wrapped around your waist, holding you close as he pulled your hair aside. What if you gave me a hickey?  The warmth of your body leaning against his, such a contrast to the cool bathroom tiles. That hum. Those thighs. The way you say his name. Made for each other. Your lingering perfume. Your lingering warmth. Your lingering hum. His name on your tongue. He bit his lip to keep from making any sound as he came onto the floor of the shower. It took Ben a few moments to right his breathing, eyes pressed shut so he could hold onto the fantasy for just a little longer. But he knew he didn’t have the time. At least you get to kiss her again. He rushed through washing his hair, scrubbing himself clean. As he stepped out of the shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist and swiped his palm over the fogged-up mirror. He forced himself to smile, tried to make it seem natural but that just made it feel more fake. Maybe you wouldn’t notice. With a final exhale he left the bathroom, heading towards his bedroom to find some clean clothes. Your laugh cut through the mostly quiet house. Something on the tv, a cartoon by the sounds of it, had made you laugh and Ben couldn’t help but smile for real at the sound. It made it all seem worth it. 

                                                      ***

It had been a bit of an odd week. Everyone at work knew about the relationship and Ben had found himself set upon by well meaning set dressers and ADs who were curious to know when it had started and how they’d kept it such a secret because “seriously Ben, no one suspected anything.” That was nothing to his friends though, who were shocked he’d never brought it up even in passing and who demanded to know when they could meet this secret girlfriend of his. “Someone’s gotta tell her about the time you pissed your pants at the fair,” “I was seven and had drunk a lot of coke,” “Excuses, excuses. What’s your excuse for never mentioning her before?” “I thought we were going to play FIFA, not talk about my love life,” “We were but that was before we all saw your girlfriend’s arse online,” “You can’t see her arse in that shot,” “Near enough. And we can definitely see the giant fucking hickey on her neck. Now explain yourself,” “Alright mum,” Ben shook his head, “I mean, you know I don’t normally date people I work with. Neither does she. We both wanted to give our selves some time to see if it worked, to make sure what we thought we were feeling was legit and not on screen emotions carrying over or anything like that.” “Well it looks legit judging by photos,” “Shut up,” Ben sighed, rolling his eyes, “I actually really like her,” “Hey, I have a question. When the fuck have you been seeing this chick? Because your down time is spent with us.” “Oh, umm, y’know, after work and stuff. I don’t spend all of my time with you guys,” “Uhhh beg to disagree,” Ben tried to keep his tone normal though his heart was racing. If they figured it out now it could all be over, “Fuck off I have a life outside of you. And just because I was hanging with you guys in the evening doesn’t mean I didn’t see her earlier in the day.” “Nooners?” “Lunch dates.” “Uh huh. Okay, lunch dates. She’s a good shag though, right?” “Oh yeah, fucking….great shag,” “You gotta give us more than that mate,” “Sure, okay, but first can one of you kill me,” “Boooooo,” Ben laughed as he was pelted with crisps, “I’m so going to kick all your arses, now hand me a controller.”

The week had also brought him a copy of your rules. He’d taped the sheet to the bottom of his sock draw where no one else was likely to see it but he could still have a daily reminder that none of it was real. Being around you made it easy to forget you weren’t actually his girlfriend, the lines between friendly banter and flirty teasing becoming too blurred. Of course, he also had Joe reminding him to keep his head straight. He’d called after he saw the morning-after photos. The conversation had started with Joe calling Ben a moron but quickly shifted into Ben ranting for close to an hour because he’d, that morning, heard all about the conversation with Felicity and how you’d spent so long talking up his prowess. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or scream. “Is this some kind of punishment? Did I do something completely fucked up in a past life and now I’m paying for it?” “Maybe. Or maybe it’s a lesson on why you don’t agree to something because a pretty girl smiles at you.” “Oh bugger off, you’re absolutely no help,” “Well what do you want me to do?” “I don’t know.” “I could talk to her for you.” “Mate, that’s you’re worst idea yet.” “When’s the date?” “This Saturday.” “Just keep reminding yourself you’re there as friends. Don’t get sucked in by the act.” “I’m trying.” Easier said than done, especially when he’d had the date planned for a solid few months. Not officially of course, but in the back of his head. You and him and a bottle of wine as you sat close together and painted. When he imagined the date you wore a sun dress and decorated your canvas or plate, or whatever it was he pictured that time, with little hearts and lipstick kisses. He’d make you laugh with some kind of joke and you’d lean your forehead on his shoulder. Everyone else would melt away as you looked up at him, still smiling. And you’d say something about how you should have realised you loved him sooner. “Because I do, Ben, I love you,” Which is when he’d kiss you, softly.

Ben shook his head to clear it, focusing back on the script in his hand, though you’d soon distracted him again. The real you, not the fantasy date one. The one who was bouncing her knee and staring off into space. He gently touched your shoulder, “Hey, are you okay?” “Huh?” “You’re jiggling your leg a lot which you only do when something’s worrying you, what is it?” “Oh, nothing,” He didn’t believe you, “Is it about our date tonight?” “What if it’s bad? What if we don’t look like we’re actually together and Mary and Pete have to cancel the whole thing?” What a blessing that would be. I might actually be able to get over you. I could stop imaging you in my bed, “I’d get a decent night sleep not thinking about us,” “What?” Shit. He hadn’t meant to say that last bit out loud, “I’ve been worried about it too.” You nodded, your leg twitching as if gearing up to bounce again. “But I think we’ll be okay. It’s not like we’ll be starved for conversation and we’ll have the paint and the wine and we’ll be fine. Plus, weren’t you the one who said this would be easy?” “Yeah I was, but-” “No buts. It’ll be a piece of cake,” Ben didn’t necessarily believe it himself, or at least not for himself. He was going to struggle. But you didn’t have any underlying feelings to fight. For you it really was just a good time painting, “they’ll get whatever shots they get, and they’ll spin it so we look like a couple,” “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry,” “It’s okay,” before he could stop himself he’d reached for your hand, rubbing the back of it. He wanted to do more, to hold you tight and tell you it would be okay. But that would be too much. Instead he rubbed your hand and tried to distract you, “I’m honestly so much more nervous about shooting that scene tomorrow.” “The one where we’re playing matchmaker?” “Yes! Have you seen how many names are in there?” “Theres like six, Ben,” “Yeah but they’re all repeated, and I know I’m going to get the order wrong,” You laughed. It was the best sound in the world and he was determined to make sure he heard it again on your date.

It took Ben an hour to decide on an outfit. He’d had one set aside but looking at it in the mirror it felt too dressy, he needed something more casual. He paused for a calming smoke and then had to brush his teeth again. On set he chewed gum after a smoke, especially if there were kissing scenes, out of politeness more than anything. But the small part of him that hoped you were treating the date as an audition for the roll of real-life boyfriend worried that it would hurt his chances if he tasted like cigarettes. Assuming you’d kiss. So he brushed his teeth again and changed into an outfit he didn’t hate and then worried that he was overthinking it and should have gone with his first outfit, and needed another smoke. Which meant he had to brush his teeth a third time. It took all his willpower to not ask the uber to pull over so he could have another quick puff. But then he was at your place and you were there and he wasn’t panicking anymore. Maybe it was because you looked jittery and nervous and something in his brain overrode his own anxiety to ease yours, or maybe you just had that effect on him. Whatever the reason it meant he could focus on helping you relax. “D’you wanna grab something to eat?” He was nearly positive you hadn’t eaten yet, too anxious. “Uhh, s’pose so,” “Has anyone ever told you you’re indecisive?” “I swear I’m not normally.” “Oh? Do I make you nervous, snookum?” Ben inwardly groaned. When the fuck did snookum become a thing? Why won’t you stop me Y/N? Please god stop me from flirting with you!  It was a relief when he made it to the McDonalds without any more slip ups and he could focus on his food and encouraging you to eat yours. He felt things were going well as you walked hand in hand through the bottle shop. He’d squeeze your hand if he felt you tensing up, make you laugh again, distract you. But then you had nudged him and pointed out the photographer. “Relax, he’s not important,” he said softly, pulling you into his side, trying to keep his own breathing even. Your face had paled at the sight of the camera, and Ben was hit by an overwhelming urge to protect you. He kept you as close as he could, soothed you as best he could. It became easier once you’d reached the shop and could get lost among the other couples and groups of friends, though he caught you checking for the photographer through the glass of the shop front. Ben hesitated for half a second before he turned your head towards him, “Forget the photographer Forget Mary and Peter. Forget our arrangement. We’re just two friends having a fun night out, okay?” This wasn’t the carefree date he’d been fantasising about for months. But he held out hope it still could be. If only he could make you see it. He opened the wine, talked about the art options, anything to distract you from the world outside of the shop. You took a little to warm up but he was glad to see you looking around the room as he went to collect your blank ceramics, taking everything in, and soon enough you were both contemplating designs for mugs, the photographer and the reason for the date seemingly forgotten.

Ben’s hope grew with each passing minute. The longer you were there, the more at ease you became. He got to hear your laugh again, frequently. And the conversation flowed naturally as each of you concentrated on your artwork. The design came to him quickly and he went slow, trying to make his lines as straight as possible and trying to make the engagement ring look like the one you’d spent so much of the shoot wearing. We’re really good at this dating thing. Part encouragement to help when you got nervous, part wishful thinking perhaps. But it was a quote from the movie so you wouldn’t read too far into it. He couldn’t wait to see your reaction to the mug and, as soon as he was done, announced it. “Alright, show me then,” Ben watched closely as you examined the still wet design, chewing on his lip as he tried not to care if you cared that the lines weren’t totally straight or the colours didn’t work. But as soon as you realised what the quote was you smiled. He found himself grinning as you told him how much you loved it. “Thought it was kind of fitting. Plus, it’ll be a nice little souvenir once the movie wraps.” “That was a fun scene to shoot. Best proposal I’ve ever had,” Ben turned the mug back towards himself, double checking for any flaws. He wanted it to be perfect for you, “Best proposal I’ve ever given.” He was on the verge of adding, “My real one will be better though,” but stopped himself short. That would lead to a topic of conversation he didn’t want to deal with. Not with you. Not now. He was a little surprised as you leaned in close and lowered your voice. “Promise I’ll get to keep it after we break up?” “Promise,” he said leaning closer as well. From the outside you must look like a proper couple, whispering sweet nothings as you ignored the rest of the room. His eyes darted to your lips. Kiss her. He could, couldn’t he? He could get away with it. That was what you were there for, to be a couple, to have photos taken of intimate moments. No one would question it if he just closed the gap, not even you. But he hesitated too long, the shriek of laughter from another table interrupting the moment. He leaned back in his seat, trying to put some distance between you before he lost his head again, “So do I get to see mine?”

Ben was nearly speechless when you did eventually let him see it. The guitar with the lyrics beside it. He couldn’t have stopped from smiling even if he’d wanted to. “And how did you know that’s one of my favourite songs?” “It is? It’s just the song I overheard you playing that one time.” That one time. A few weeks previous. Between scenes, as he’d waited for the cameras to be organised around the new set. He hadn’t meant for anyone to hear him, least of all you. But he’d been starting to feel tense and wanted to unwind before filming resumed so he’d gone back to his trailer and taken out his guitar. It was a song he’d always liked but he’d been listening to it more often since meeting you and it was the song his fingers had begun to play without him realising. Now here it was, on the mug you’d painted for him. And you had no idea that when he sang about the stun gun lullaby, he was singing about your laugh, or that you so completely had his attention that no other woman could compare. The song might have been written for someone else but whenever he heard it, it was you being sung about. Was that a sign to not give up hope? His heart ached with how much he wished you loved him the same. Fuck, love? He’d never let himself think the L word before, that was serious shit. But it fit. He was hopelessly in love with you and there didn’t seem like there was much he could do to change the situation.

                                                      ***

Ben looked up from his laptop to see you, brows furrowed, digging through your bag. “Something wrong?” he asked as you pulled your lips between your teeth, worrying at it absentmindedly, in what he had to admit was an adorable fashion. “Uhh, I think I need to go home,” “How come? If you forgot something I have a replacement here. What was it sunnies? Chapstick? A book?” “No, it’s not that sort of-” “Then what? You already have a toothbrush and PJs here,” “No it’s something else... I just think I’d be more comfortable at home today,” Ben tried to keep his voice steady but his mind was whirring with the possible reasons for your sudden wish to leave. Did you know about his secret? “Well a-are you sure I can’t help. We’re meant to be seen together this afternoon and if we leave now they won’t be able to get a shot of us smooching,” You chuckled at his word choice and he found it hard to repress his smile. “I’ll apologise to Mary and Peter, tell them something came up and see if we can reschedule,” “Are you positive there isn’t anything I can do?” You shook your head slightly, “if you really must know my period is a little early and I don’t have any tampons on me. Happy?” “Oh,” he began to laugh at your slight embarrassment, more relieved than embarrassed himself, “is that all?  Y/N, you’re not the first girlfriend I’ve had, fake or not. I’m a 29 year old man I can deal with talking about periods, and I can certainly run to the shop for you,” “No, no, you don’t have to go out of your way like that. I’ve got plenty at home I just didn’t think I’d need any today,” ““Y/N, I promise, it’s no trouble. I feel bad I don’t have anything here for you already. Been a while since I’ve lived with a girl and it didn’t even cross my mind. Seriously, it’ll take me two minutes.” You didn’t look convinced, eyeing the doorway to the hall. “Plus, if I go we won’t ruin Peter and Mary’s plan for today. And the Paps can get a shot of me staring at boxes of tampons like a good caring boyfriend. It’ll help our image.” You hesitated a moment longer, “oh alright, as long as you don’t mind,”

It took Ben two minutes to collect his shoes and wallet and car keys and then he was out the door, assuring you he’d be as quick as possible. On his way out he saw the photographer, getting into position by his front gate. He shot Ben a questioning look at the detour from the set plan as Ben hopped into his car. As he reversed out of the driveway he caught the photographer’s attention. “Making a run to the shop to pick up something for Y/N. Might be a good photo in it,” Ben felt odd talking to the man – a man who he recognised well enough, who had witnessed every intimate moment he’d shared with you (and who had been the catalyst for a number of them), but a man he knew next to nothing about. But he hoped that by leading the photographer away he was ensuring you’d have a peaceful respite from the constant intrusion of knowing you were being watched. The photographer nodded, replaced the lens on his camera and headed to his own car, following Ben to the closest supermarket. The distraction of communicating with the photographer was almost enough to make Ben stop kicking himself for not being more prepared for this eventuality. It was only once he was at the store, standing in front of a shelf of feminine hygiene products that he was truly side-tracked from his lack of foresight, and realised he had no idea what you wanted. You picked up your mobile on the third ring. “Hey, it’s Ben, what do you want?” “Don’t tell me you forgot already,” “No, I mean, what sort. There’s hundreds of boxes to choose from, I have no idea which brand you like or what, um…strength you need.” “Oh,” you laughed and described what your go to brand’s packaging looked like. He scoured the shelves, trying to block out the snap of a phone camera as the photographer got his shot. “Ah, got it,” he said as he finally located the right one, pulling down a box for you now and one to keep in his bathroom for future use, “see you in a few.” “Thanks Ben,” “It’s nothing,” he refrained from closing the call with a love you, instead just saying, “Part of the boyfriend package.” On his way back towards the register he detoured into the tea and coffee isle, picking out a box of herbal tea bags that said For Women on the box, hoping they’d sooth whatever cramps you were dealing with, and then grabbed a box of chocolates in case you wanted something sweet to snack on. The photographer was outside already, waiting to get a shot of him leaving with a full bag. 

It made Ben’s heart swell to see how grateful you were for his haul. He went to the kitchen to make you a tea and himself a coffee as you ducked into the bathroom. “Did you find the Panadol?” he asked, rattling the box of painkillers as you joined him in the lounge. “Yeah, thanks. I took two but I might need more in a few hours, if I’m still here. I’ll buy you a new box if I use too many,” “Don’t be daft. How are you feeling?” “Yeah fine. A few cramps but it’s nothing.” “Do you want a cuddle?” he asked without thinking. “What?” Ben shrugged, “I don’t know, my ex said that cuddling up with me made her feel better. But that’s a different- she probably said it so she had an excuse to make out a bit,” You laughed, “a cuddle would actually be very welcome right now,” “Oh, well in that case,” Ben shuffled over, patting the space beside him, and tried to remember that you weren’t really dating. But he couldn’t stop himself from pulling you tight against him and breathing deeply.

                                                      ***

Ben wasn’t drunk. Not properly so anyway. He was too much of a chatty drunk to trust himself when he was sloshed. He’d had enough to loosen up and to dull the ache he felt whenever he looked at you. And to leave his keys at the bar. Nothing a glass of water and some TV couldn’t fix. He’d lost himself in the show when his phone dinged, nearly jumping at the unexpected noise. It was a text from Joe.

WTF?

It took Ben a few seconds to work out what it referred to but then the afternoon came back to him, the last scene you’d filmed, the photo he’d posted. Shit. “Ah, shit. Forgot I said I’d call Joe. Do you mind if we pause the ep?” he cast around for a reasonable excuse, “We’re trying to organise travel stuff for him and it’s easier if we talk it through rather than texting it all.” “Sure,” you said, already pressing buttons on the remote. “I promise I won’t be long,” “Take your time, it’s fine.” Ben smiled though it slipped as he left the room and pulled up Joe’s number. He shut the door of the room he used when he stayed over, already sure this would not be a conversation he’d want you to overhear. “What the fuck is that photo Ben?” “It’s nothing,” he sighed, “just the last day of filming,” “Are you alright, you sound weird?” “We went out for a drink.” “You and Y/N?” “And the rest of the cast and crew. And, before you say anything, no I didn’t get so drunk I blabbed about anything. I do have some self control,” “I wasn’t saying anything,” “No but you were thinking it. Anyway, I think I’m allowed to have a few drinks under the circumstances. Not exactly easy being secretly in love with your co-star who you’re also fakely dating,” “Alright, alright, point made. But that doesn’t explain the photo,” “Like I said, last day of filming,” Joe waited for more and begrudgingly Ben continued. “It was our last scene together and I wanted to commemorate it,” “Thank you Y/N for being the perfect Edith to my Andy. And thank you @theperfectmatchmovie for finding me my perfect match.” “Y/N said it was a bit cheesy,” “Uhh yeah, little bit,” Joe laughed, “you’re not worried it was a bad idea?” “No. We got told to post stuff, which you already know since Y/Ns posted tonnes and you’ve commented on nearly all of them. Figured I should pull my weight,” “Someone has to keep an eye on you two. Stop you from doing something stupid.” “That’s what you’re doing is it?” “You sure you didn’t post the photo with that caption because you’re dying to tell her how you feel and this is a safe way to do so?” Ben scuffed his foot along the carpet, digging his toes into the rough material and feeling like a school boy being admonished by a teacher, “So what if it is?” “All I’m saying is be careful. You’re keeping two very large secrets and–” “Yeah Joe, I fucking know but I don’t have much of a choice here,” “That’s what I’m saying…look, I know you’re a bit of a romantic at heart but you’re also not the sort to get this hung up on unavailable skirt so I believe you when you say you love her. But don’t let it slip out because that’ll just make things worse.” “I don’t know what I was thinking getting into this mess,” “Neither do I. Frankly I don’t think you were thinking. At least, not about yourself.” “Yeah maybe. Doesn’t really matter though now does it?” “Alright. This is going to sound harsh, but it’s coming from a place of friendship. Just stop.” “What’s that supposed to mean? I can’t just call it quits now, the story is doing too well and Peter has assured me that the numbers are promising or whatever I don’t really know how they measure it. All I know is that people are going to see the movie because of us.” “That’s not what I meant. I understand you can’t get out of the fake relationship stuff. But, maybe you can get out of the other side of things. Just tell her. Intentionally, tell her. I know it’s not what you want to hear and I know you’re going to argue with me and say you can’t but why not? If you tell her and she admits she likes you then great, you can be together for real. Or, if you tell her and she says she doesn’t feel the same then she can’t get out either and you can be miserable together and she’ll at least stop hanging around you so much when you don’t have to be seen together and you can get over her.” Ben shook his head, “It doesn’t matter Joe. It doesn’t matter how I feel,” “I just think this whole situation…sucks for you. A mirthless laugh rose in Ben’s throat, “of course it sucks. It’s fucking shit man. I just keep waiting for her to tell me she feels the same but it’s not happening,” “Are you sure she doesn’t feel something, even if she’s not saying it?” “No I know it’s completely one sided.” “Is there any chance she already knows? You’re not the most subtle guy in the world Ben, maybe she figured it out before you were approached about the fake out,” “No, I don’t think she knows. She wouldn’t have wanted to do it in the first place if she knew,” Ben heard Joe sigh, “I don’t know what to say then man,” “I just wish things were different. I love being around her and being able to hold her and kiss her. But it fucking sucks that it’s only in public.” “What about now that the movie’s finished?” “I don’t know. Maybe not filming together will make it easier to stop thinking about her…I doubt it though. It’s not like I haven’t tried already. I spent the whole of pre-production and the first weeks of filming trying to get her off my mind and I couldn’t I don’t know how and I don’t think I could unless we literally stopped talking to each other entirely and, honestly I don’t know that I could handle that. But again, we’re back at I don’t have a choice here. I have to keep seeing her and being with her and being her boyf-” A door slammed at the other end of the house, making Ben jolt. “What is it?” “Nothing, I think Y/N just went to the bathroom or something.” “She’s at your place?” “No, I locked myself out of my place. I’m at hers. I should go though, we’re halfway through an episode.” “Ben. Be careful.” “Always am.”

Ben hung up with a sigh. Joe could tell him to move on or spill the beans all he liked but it wasn’t so simple. He slapped his cheeks and shook his head to clear it, pulling a smile back onto his face as he headed back to the living room. He was a little surprised to see the room empty but settled himself on the couch once again, pulling a throw blanket over himself. It smelt like you. Without thinking he pulled up Instagram on his phone and revisited the photo. You’d commented on it, less cheesy but there were heart emojis strewn throughout. A similar sentiment to his original caption. He sighed and shook his head, clicking out of the app to find something else to read until you returned. The sound of your footsteps drew his attention. Something had changed. You looked pale and unwell. “Are you okay?” “Fine, thanks. Just tired. Might call it quits after this ep.” He didn’t think you’d drunk that much but maybe it was just starting to catch up with you now. Then again, it had been a long and emotional day. You had every right to be wiped out by it and especially now that you were home with no filming or celebrating to distract you from how exhausting it all was. He offered you a spot under the blanket in case it would make you feel better to have some human contact. Just for that reason of course, nothing to do with wanting to hold you. He shrugged it off when you refused and didn’t really think of it again until the episode ended and you went off to bed. He was still too alert to sleep himself, still dwelling on the conversation with Joe. So he flicked TV channels until he found something mildly distracting, a rerun of a dumb home renovation show that was easy to get sucked into.

When he did finally feel tired enough to go to bed he turned off the TV and the lights and began to tiptoe down the hall to his room. But there was light coming from your room. Not the yellow light of a bulb but the blue light of a phone or laptop. You were still up. Maybe you really weren’t feeling well. He wondered if he should check on you, offer to make you a tea with honey and lemon or something else comforting. Did you need tissues? A pot in case you had to throw up? Someone to hold your hair back? He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and sighed. This is exactly what you shouldn’t be thinking. He glanced at the light under your door again and then turned and continued his path up the hall. But, after that, he felt awake again. Unable to sleep. There was too much to think about. Maybe the caption on the photo had been a mistake. Maybe Joe was right and he should tell you. Maybe, maybe, maybe. When it came to you that’s all there was. A noise interrupted him, you groaning and the creak of springs as you shifted in the bed. Is she having a wank? That was his first thought. Does she need help? Was his next. Dangerous. Everything fell silent again and he realised you must have just rolled over to try and get comfortable. He didn’t know whether he was relieved or disappointed. He rolled onto his side, pulled the blanket up a little higher, willed himself to fall asleep but it was out of the question. You shifted again, your bed creaking with the movement. Maybe he should check on you, in case you were unwell. Or maybe there was something on your mind too. Maybe he could help. It was bound to be easier to solve than the mess he was in at any rate. He was on the verge of swinging his legs out of bed again when he was reminded of what Joe said about trying to forget you. He could feel that need to protect you, look after you, rising in his chest again. That wasn’t helpful, it wasn’t what he needed. He sighed and stayed in bed and listened to your tossing and turning until he finally managed to sleep himself. Only to dream of you.

                                                      ***

Ben settled the bill, walked out of the restaurant and kept walking. The entire time thinking back on the days, weeks before the fight was due to occur. Something had seemed off about you. Or maybe that was just hindsight. If he had noticed anything, if he had ever thought you seemed out of sorts, he’d put it down to stress from auditions, trying to find the next job. It wasn’t always easy lining up another project after one had finished. He understood how stressful it could be, especially for an actress like you who was on the cusp of something bigger, looking for your big break. But maybe he’d been blind. After that dinner, after everything you said, there was no denying that something more was going on.

You’d been…not your usual self. From the moment you arrived. He’d asked if you were nervous, but he hadn’t been able to see any of the usual signs. No bouncing let, no bitten lip. So nervous wasn’t it. But you weren’t happy either. He had been though, happy to see you, happy to be with you again. Even with the looming argument. Truthfully, he’d been thinking of what would happen after, when you were alone together and able to just hang out or whatever. He should have realised things were going south the moment you told him to stop looking so happy. He just kept repeating the evening over and over, rewinding and rerunning every moment as if he could figure it all out just from that. Another moment leapt to the front of his mind. “So having a public spat doesn’t bother you but you almost lost your lunch over our first date?” “That was just because the whole situation was new and I felt weird about going on a date with you.” That had hurt though he knew he shouldn’t have let it. Of course you’d have felt weird about going on a date with someone you had no interest in just for the sake of a movie. But still, it had hurt. A taste of what was to come. “Are you nervous?” You didn’t really seem to care what he said. Of course, he hadn’t given you the whole truth. It wasn’t totally dishonest to say argument scenes made him more nervous than love scenes but that was omitting bigger elements. Maybe it would have been more truthful to say the concept of a public fight wasn’t something he was particularly fond of. But at the time he’d felt like if he’d said then he’d have ended up admitting that it was especially true when you were involved. That all he wanted to do was look after you and love you, not argue in a room full of strangers just trying to enjoy a nice meal. After that he felt like he hadn’t been able to get you to say more than a few words. You who was usually so open and conversational. You who he’d spent more time with recently than just about anyone else. You who he could always talk to, joke around with. It was frustrating that you wouldn’t just tell him. He remembers feeling frustrated, of getting short with you. He regretted that. But that was when he was sure something was wrong. He might have ignored all the signs before that but as soon as he felt you had closed yourself off, he wanted to know why. Wanted to figure out what was bothering you, what could have happened. A fight with Felicity? Bad news about an audition? Maybe he’d said something offhanded and hadn’t realised he’d upset you (god if thats the case I want to know even more so I can apologise a hundred times over). He asked about it all, wanted to make things better, but then you were letting rip. Completely off book and unscripted, even when he gave you cues to get back on track. He would have been impressed with your performance except he was so taken aback by it. Without thinking he’d reached for your hand. He can see it happening in his mind, as if he were viewing the scene from above. The way you’d wrenched your hand away, leaving his sitting uselessly in the middle of the table. And all he could hear was “clingy and needy” in your voice with such…what was it, disgust? Hatred? And before he could so much as open his mouth to stop you, you were gone. That’s not what was meant to happen. You were meant to leave together and laugh about it afterwards. He wasn’t meant to be walking through London on his own, trying to figure out what went wrong.

It was then that Ben looked up and realised he didn’t know where he’d walked to. He considered stepping into a bar with all the noise to drown out your voice, all the alcohol he could handle to make him forget. Clingy and needy. But he thought better of it and turned to hail a cab instead. What he couldn’t stop himself from doing was calling you, though he was left disappointed when it went straight to voicemail. He listened for the beep as if he were going to leave a message but when the beep came he didn’t know what to say. What could he possibly say? What changed? Am I really so clingy? What can I do? Closer to home he tried again but the same thing happened. He hung up before the beep.

As he was letting himself inside his phone rang and for the length of a heartbeat he thought it was you. But it wasn’t. It was just Peter telling him that the video had gone live, congratulating you both for putting on such a good show, being so convincing. He ran through some early statistics, something about how many times it had been shared already, and then followed it by saying they wanted separation for a few weeks, until the make up dinner. Ben listened in a daze. When Peter finally hung up Ben opened twitter. The video was easy to find. He put his phone down on the kitchen bench and moved to pour himself a drink. Maybe he didn’t have quite as much alcohol as a bar, but he had enough to do the trick. His phone was staring at him the entire time. He shook his head, moved the phone to his pocket and headed to his bedroom. His guitar was there, the perfect way to clear his head. He picked it up, sat on the end of the bed and, without thinking, he played the opening chords of that song. Your song. With a slight clatter as his hands knocked the wood, he let the guitar drop back to the bed, trying to dig his phone out of his pocket. The video was still there, waiting for him. Proof. It wasn’t a nightmare, it wasn’t made up. He couldn’t see your face from the angle it was taken. But he could see the tension in your shoulders, the way you pulled your hand back as if you couldn’t think of anything worse than having him touch you. And he could hear you. Clingy and needy.

Ben watched it just the once, unable to suffer through it again. It wass already playing on a loop in his head, he didn’t really need the visual reminder. And then he called Joe. There wasn’t really much else he could do. No one else he could talk to about it. Joe had seen it, had watched it, and he commented on how good it looked, how real it seemed. “I think that’s because it was. Y/N went completely off book. We didn’t plan it to be like that,” “Is that why you look so shocked?” “Yeah, guess so.” Ben gulped down a mouthful of his drink and wished he’d brought the bottle with him. “I’m trying very hard not to call her something beginning with B right now,” “Joe she’s not a bitch, she’s…I don’t know. Something must have happened, I just don’t know what. “Maybe she’s starting to crack? Pressure of keeping up a fake relationship is getting to her,” “Can you try not to sound too excited by the idea. I’d remind you I do actually love her and if things work out between us I’d like for you to meet her.” “You can’t blame me for disliking her when I get a call from you every other day telling me she’s broken your heart again,” “You’re such a drama queen,” “Fine, I’ll try to keep my dislike to a minimum. But could it be that? I know she doesn’t have the same baggage as you but it’s probably not easy for her either,” “She called me clingy. Needy. Why would she say that?” “Because she’s a bitch.” “Bloody hell Joe,” “Unless…” “Unless what?” “Is there any chance she knows?” “You mean about me? Come off it, absolutely not. It’s not like I tell everyone I meet about it. You’re the only person who knows.” “Alright, then it must be something else.” “What do I do? I can’t,” Ben sighed, “It was meant to be different. We were going to have words at the restaurant and then go home together looking tense and then laugh about it when we were alone but instead…instead I’m home alone with half a bottle of whisky and a fake girlfriend who won’t answer my calls. What the fuck am I meant to do with that?” “Just give her some space Ben. You don’t know it was you. It could have been any number of things. It might just be that she was having a bad day and because you were already set to have the spat, you caught the brunt of her frustration. She’ll call in a day or two, embarrassed and apologising and you can go back to pining in peace. Out of curiosity, what was the fight originally going to be like?” “Oh, um…We’d decided that I was going to suggest she meet my family and she was going to say she wasn’t ready for that and it was all getting too serious or something like that.” “Well, that’s pretty much what she actually said isn’t it?” Ben thought for a moment. He’d been so wrapped up in her description of him, he’d not really thought about the overall message of her monologue, “Yeah, I suppose it is.” “See, she wasn’t as off script as you thought. She just jumped the gun a bit and took you by surprise. I’d guarantee that it’s something else entirely and you just happened to be the unlucky outlet for her anger.” “Maybe you’re right. She did say that thing about pretending everything was okay and acting like we’re serious….how I love her more than she loves me,” “And you’re certain she doesn’t know,” “100 per cent. She’s never had the chance to find out,” “Then of course I’m right, it was just an issue of timing and you being in the line of fire,” “Maybe I should see her,” “No! Bad idea Ben. Really bad idea.” “I just want to be sure it wasn’t my fault. If I’d been less wrapped up in pretending she was my girlfriend then may-” “Stop beating yourself up. Just try not to drink too much and get some sleep. She’ll sort herself out and call when she’s less mortified by the whole thing.” “Okay, yeah,” “And for fucks sake, stay off twitter,” Ben hung up, feeling marginally better but unable to shake the feeling that it was somehow his fault. Clingy and needy. Clingy and needy. Clingy. And needy. The way you’d spat the words at him. The way you’d stormed out. He sighed, slumped forward, and ran his hands down his face. No, Joe’s right, it’s not you. But, as much as he repeated it, Ben still found tears clinging to his palms as he pulled them away.

                                                      ***

Ben looked at his phone and bit his lip. His eyes shifted back to the ocean of brake lights ahead of the car and then back to his phone. He was already running late and the traffic didn’t seem to be moving. God he did not want to be late. Not after everything that had happened. Not after you’d cleared up the mess from the fight, not after he’d made such an effort to be less clingy, to give you more space. Things weren’t back to normal by any stretch but at least you were talking again, at least you’d missed him. The conversation you’d had the previous night, staying on the phone to watch TV. He’d been surprised by your suggestion but equally as thrilled. It had to be a sign that you felt something too. People don’t just watch episodes of TV over the phone for anyone, do they? He was in with a chance, he knew it. But, in the hours after the episode had ended and the call with it, he’d come to one conclusion. He had to tell you. He had to bite the bullet and tell you. If he wanted something real with you, you had to know. And if he kept it secret any longer it could lead to more arguments which he definitely did not want. What he wanted was for you to understand why he’d become so attached, and hopefully, to reciprocate. So he was going to tell you. And he couldn’t be late.

As the car inched forward Ben made up his mind. He was going to be there on time, one way or another. With a thankful word to the driver he got out of the car and hurried onto the pavement, beginning to walk towards the restaurant. He’d spent all day feeling like he was about to have a heart attack, chest aching with how badly he wanted to see you and how nervous he was about your reaction. He wasn’t going to fuck up now. As he walked a display in a shop window caught his eye and he quickly stepped inside. The bell tinkled as he entered, getting the assistant’s attention. She gave him a up and down glance as she greeted him, as if trying to determine the occasion based on his outfit alone. “Welcome to Coming Up Roses, what can I do for you?” “I need a bouquet,” “I can certainly help with that. Any flowers you had in mind?” “Uhhh not really. Spur of the moment,” “Well what’s the occasion then? I have flowers for everything from weddings to funerals, I’m sorry to Congratulations,” “Um, I’m about to tell the girl of my dreams that I’m in love with her,” The woman smiled, “I’ve got just the thing,”

A minute later and Ben was once again hurrying up the street, clutching the freshly wrapped bouquet, his heart pounding as he tried not to worry about how much time was passing. He had to pause at one point to get a map up on his phone, unsure of the restaurant’s exact location. He was further away than he thought and quickened his step, threading through groups of people on nights out, trying not to bump into anyone. You were already there, waiting. He could see you from half a street away and ran to meet you, kissing your cheek and handing over the bouquet before he really registered that that’s what he was doing. It was only as you were smelling the flowers and complementing them that he realised you were there, actually there, and he suddenly felt extra nervous about it all. “I saw it in the shop and, um yeah, I don’t know, they seemed nice, a-and I know you, um, like nice things, so,” Ben wanted to die, wanted to be sucked into a hole in the ground, sent through a time warp, anything to not be there babbling at you like a fucking idiot. “It’s very sweet of you, thank you,” “I’m glad you think so because right now it feels kinda cliché and cheesy.” Shut up “Now you have to carry them around all night,” fucking shut up, “what was I thinking?” for the love of all that is holy, “And god can I just shut up. Sorry.” He didn’t know what had come over him, but he wished it would go away. And things only got worse as he looked you over, took in your whole appearance. Seeing you just made him want you even more, especially with how gorgeous you looked. He wanted to kiss you, tell you. But he had to be able to speak to tell you and he wasn’t going to be able to do that until he relaxed a little. A drink, that’s what he needed. He downed his first one fast, willing it to work its magic. It did help calm him, though your laugh just made his heart race again. Halfway through the next glass he felt like he could say it and was on the verge of just getting it out into the open when you were interrupted, shown to your table. He took it as a sign that it would be bad timing and that he needed to wait. Instead he focused on just having a good night with you. The memory of your last dinner was still in the back of his mind but he pushed it away by reminding himself that things were better now. He felt himself relax more as you talked and with every touch you gave him. The drinks were definitely part of it too but he put it down to you mostly. How much you sooth him, how happy he finds himself when he’s in your presence. He could breathe properly again. You startled him a little by saying Joe would want to meet you but of course, you don’t know that he knows that it’s all a big production so you just meant it in a friend-being-curious-about-the-girlfriend type way. Very far from the truth. But Ben agrees and changes the topic.

When dessert arrived, he thought maybe that could be a good time to say it because it’s the end of the meal and you can leave quickly if you need to. But before he get’s to it he finds himself asking something else instead. “Can I ask about these last couple of weeks?” He hoped he hadn’t wrecked the evening by bringing it up but he was curious too, “Was it good? The space, did you get what you wanted from it?” Ben worried at his lip as he watched you slowly finish your mouthful and set the spoon down. “Yes. I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t helpful because it really was. Just, having that break from everything. I think I really needed it. But I really really missed you too.” That was a relief. Proof that you were on the same page again, back to normal. And proof that you did care about him. “I’m glad. It was hard not seeing you but yeah, helped me figure some stuff out too. Confirmed some other stuff.” “Like what? If you don’t mind me asking.” This is it, this is your moment, “Like, um,” He wanted to say it, had the words picked out already but, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t risk driving you away again, causing another scene. Maybe he could say it back at his place, away from the cameras and the interested public. Maybe that would be smarter. All the same, he felt disappointed with himself for not having the guts to just tell you, and to try to cover the moment asked if you wanted to leave. As you step outside he remembers the kiss that was expected and he leans in to remind you. It’s more than a kiss though, different to all the other times you’d kissed. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to it. Any excuse really. And he says as much when he, somewhat accidentally admits to having missed kissing you. It was a thought that somehow slipped out of his mouth, but either you didn’t hear him or you were too caught up in the moment to say anything. Or she feels the same. He pushed the hopeful thought down as you kissed him back. His heart pounded as he felt your hands on his chest, as if it were trying to tell you what he’d been too much of a coward to say. And then you whined and settled on his lap and god what a fucking gorgeous sound. He’d spent months getting off to the memory of a hum and now you were gifting him a whine? An eager, excited whine at that. The sort of thing he’d been trying to imagine and it was so much better than anything he’d come up with. Your hand was in his hair and he very nearly echoed your noise back to you from that alone, but it caught in his throat as you kept kissing him, tongues twisting, your chest pressed against his. He wanted to hold you close and touch every part of you he could reach all at once, unsure of whether to grab your arse or you hip or the back of your neck. So he did a bit of it all, slid his hand along your arm and then down your back and then to your arse. And all too soon it stops. He could have cursed that driver and the heartless car horn that interrupted and sent reality crashing back down around him.

Once you were inside the safe zone of his house, away from the act, he expected things to go back to normal. You’d take off your makeup and then make a cup of tea and fill a glass of water for your flowers and you’d wind down with something on TV before you both went to bed. He’d have to have a shower to get off without you suspecting anything because there was no way he was going to be able to sleep with the memory of your tits pressed against him and your whine and your kiss swimming around his head. But you don’t walk to the bathroom like you normally do. He pulls the wallet from his pocket, places it deliberately next to his keys. But you still haven’t moved. He turns slowly, notices the way you swallow and lick your lips and he swears he’s on the verge of asking what you’re doing or saying something about it being a mistake, at least the thought crosses his mind, but you were standing so close (when did she get so close?) and when you kiss him again he just kisses back.

It’s a mistake probably, definitely, he knows that. He can hear the siren in his head again telling him to stop, pull away. But the problem is that it doesn’t feel like a mistake, doesn’t feel like it should be, and when he takes a step back you step with him and again and again until he’s somehow on the couch with you on his lap again. And why would he stop that, why would he say no to you when you fit there so perfectly and you feel so good? And all he can think about is that whine and that hum from all those months ago and he wants to see what other sounds he can pull from you so he drops his lips to your neck. “Wait, wait,” He’s confused as to why you’re stopping him and even more confused when you’re not in his arms anymore. “It’s rule one Ben,” Bugger rule one. Bugger all the fucking rules, you’ve broken most of them tonight anyway if they weren’t already broken. A voice in the back of his head reminds him what a big mistake that would be, but it can’t argue against making out. Making out isn’t against the rules and you know it too, you hesitate when he says it out loud. “I’d be good to you Y/N, you know I would,” he’s not sure if he’s talking about here and now, physically, or something deeper, something in the realm of boyfriend but what does it matter because both are true. You shake your head, “You know this isn’t real, right Ben?” And then it all comes out. That you knew about his crush. And everything stops. Just stops. He can’t breathe, air doesn’t exist anymore, and he’d say his heart had stopped too except he can hear it pounding in his ears, drowning out whatever you’re saying. You knew? You’d known for months? All those times Joe had suggested it, all that time he spent worrying about keeping it from you and you already fucking knew? And then everything seems to speed up all at once. The air rushes back, as loud as his heart, which only doubles it’s pounding until he can feel it trying to punch a hole through his chest and escape. Rational thought returns, connecting dots and drawing conclusions almost faster than he can keep up. “Is that why you were upset before the argument? Is that why you didn’t want to see me for the last two weeks?” “I thought some space might help you stop feeling that way.” He has to laugh at how fucking ridiculous an idea that is. That space would have ever helped him purge you from his system. Love isn’t that easy to get rid of. And his tongue must have sped up with the rest of his body because he’s saying it, the thing he’s been putting of saying, the thing he’s been wanting to tell you all night, and he wishes he could stop because this isn’t how he wanted it to go. This wasn’t how you were meant to find out. But no matter how much he screams at himself he can’t take it back. It’s out there. And you look horrified. “You love me?” Three words have never been spoken with more contempt than you managed to cram into that once sentence. “You don’t have to say you don’t feel the same, I know.” Your silence cuts through him like a knife, shredding what little hope remained. His heart isn’t beating against his chest anymore. It’s been kicked across the room and lies lifeless against the wall.  “That’s what I thought.”

He can’t be here anymore, can’t look at you. He wants to leave but he remembers all the cameras outside, reminds you of their presence in case you’re planning the same escape he is. He’s trapped there and so are you. So he puts as much space between you as he can, heads to his room and slumps heavily onto the end of his bed. All he can think about is those three words, you love me? Not a hopeful question. Not even stunned surprise.  More of an accusation. He tastes blood but otherwise barely notices when he tears his lip with his teeth. You must hate him for getting you both into this mess. He hates that he’s done it, that he’s put you in this position. And he knows you’re never going to want to speak with him let alone see him again. And he knows that as soon as the cameras leave, you’ll leave too. And that thought hurts just as much as everything else. You’re moving about, he can hear you walking around. It sounds like you’re pacing. Five steps and then a turn and then five more steps, another turn. Something about the rhythm breaks through his overactive, panicking, worrying mind. Something about it calms him. Maybe it’s that knowing you’re restless and agitated makes him want to comfort you, despite everything he’s feeling. Or maybe it’s just because the sound of your footfall means you’re still here. And if you’re still here then maybe he can smooth things over. He doesn’t expect to fix everything. He’d understand if you still wanted to erase him from your contacts and pretend you were only ever colleagues. But if he can just explain himself, explain that he never meant for this to happen, explain why he kept it from you or tried to anyway and maybe explain what he’d wanted tonight to be instead of the clusterfuck it’d become. If he can get any of that out then maybe you won’t hate him quite so much.

He says your name softly, not sure he’s allowed to say your name, “I heard you pacing.” “Sorry, I’ll keep the noise down.” “No, that’s not- it’s okay. I just thought, since we’re both clearly awake and since they haven’t left yet, I thought you might like a cuppa.” “I didn’t think you drank tea,” Have you really not noticed yet? He never bought tea bags, until you started coming to stay over regularly. Twice you opined about not being able to have a cup of tea before bed and that was all it took for him to start keeping them in his cupboard along with the biscuits you prefer. That’s how he knows it’s love. He took a breath as he pulled out mugs and stuck the kettle on, resolutely not looking at you. If he looks at you he’ll spill his guts and won’t be able to stop. He has to make tea first. Just the way you like it. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.” It comes out the second he looks at your face and it’s only that you’re telling him you understand that he doesn’t immediately say more. He drops his eyes to the brown liquid in his mug, undrinkable in his opinion, but a perfectly adequate distraction. He needs to get the words right this time. No stumbling and stuttering, no blurting things out without thinking. He needs to say it right so you’ll listen and understand what he’s trying to do. “I promise I understand where you’re at and I’m not going to try and convince you or to chase you or anything like that. I really am trying not to feel this way.” He glances back at your eyes, terrified of what he’d see there. “It’s okay Ben, I know you wouldn’t. I just wasn’t expecting you to drop the L bomb.” “Please don’t hate me,” it’s a whisper compared to everything else he’s said but there’s no way to make his voice stronger. It’s the thing he’s most worried about and admitting it out loud to you is harder than he imagined it would be. “I could never,” the sincerity with which you say it is almost enough to make him cry but the hug is what pushes him over the edge. It’s more warmth and kindness than he thinks he deserves after everything he’s done. And it’s exactly what he needed. Comfort and reassurance in one simple gesture. He wraps his arms around you for the third time that night, his face pressed into the cook of your neck, and you let him, squeezing back, as he lets everything out.

                                                        ***

The night after you met Joe, Ben visits him again, this time without you. It had always been the plan, to see Joe a few times, as much as the press circuit would allow, while he was in the US. But after the previous night it’s more necessary. And yet, Ben was struggling to vocalise any of his questions. It’s not until after dinner, when Joe suggests they take their drinks out onto the veranda, that any of it comes up. It’s peaceful out there, sitting in the cool night air, each of them taking turns to swig from their beer bottle as they talk. But Ben’s mind is constantly disrupted with thoughts of you. It’s the first time since all the promotion stuff started that he’s had more than a couple of minutes away from your side. Joe isn’t helping, constantly glancing at Ben, frowning, as if he’s trying to work something out. But he’s the first to crack, making it easier for Ben to talk. “How’s it going?” “Press is fine, bit boring. You know how repetitive it can get,” “And you know that’s not what I meant,” “Yeah. Nah, everything’s fine. Mostly,” “Mostly?” “It’s not easy having to share a room with her. I mean, it’s fun though. I’m glad she’s the one I’m doing all this shit with. We’re mates and we’ve been working so closely for so long now that we…get each other. Like there was this interview where one of the questions made me uncomfortable and she knew straight away and broke in to take some of the heat. She just says whatever she can to make me laugh or ease the tension or whatever will help. And I know when she’s getting nervous and needs a break or a fresh cuppa. But when it’s just us in our suite it’s…hard. I don’t know, I’m just trying to keep some distance even though there’s not much to be had. What did you think of her?” “Honestly?” “Of course,” “She’s perfect for you. Except for the not being interested part.” Ben nodded, letting his eyes fall to where his fingernail was digging into the label on his bottle. “Although…” “What?” Ben looked back at Joe, “You think she might be?” “I don’t know. And I don’t want to get your hopes up. She certainly doesn’t think she is. I asked her about it while you were out here last night and she was adamant that she doesn’t think of you that way but that’s not how it looked to me.” “We had a moment yesterday. Just before we came here. Nearly kissed.” “Seriously? Again?” “I stopped it. Kind of wish I hadn’t. Maybe if something happened, she’d change her mind,” “I know I’m not part of this situation and I wasn’t there and can only go off of what you’ve said and the one time I’ve met her but, for what it’s worth, I think you made the right call.” “Yeah?” “I don’t think you want anything to happen with her until you’re both more sure where you stand. Definitely not while you’re stuck sharing a hotel room.” “But what if -” Joe shook his head, “I watched her last night. She looked at you a lot and not just because you were the one talking. She also smiled a lot whenever your attention was on her. I was half expecting her to say she had a thing for you but wasn’t sure if she should tell you or something like that. So I think there is a good chance she is attracted to you but for some reason, doesn’t want to admit it and I think sleeping with her would just make things more complicated and worse for both of you. You said she had her little freak out thing when you were hooking up after that date. You don’t want to let things get further and have her freak out again.” “Yeah, you’re right. I’m just confusing myself because we’ve been in such close quarters. I just wish things were more certain y’know? Like, she keeps saying she doesn’t like me as more than a friend but then we’ll have a moment like we did in the hotel, or like on the plane when she was leaning on my shoulder to help with my crossword puzzle, or when we fucking made out. And then I’m back getting my hopes up only for her to turn around and crush me again. And it’s probably nothing anyway. Just pent up urges since we’ve been fucking trapped in this for months now.” “I don’t know man, it might be more than that. She seemed really into you last night.” “Nah. She’s horny and I’m there and that’s why we’ve had these near kisses and stuff. She’s said she doesn’t like me so that’s it. Maybe it’s better that way anyway.” Joe shook his head again but let the subject drop, “So how long are you here for again? There’s this restaurant up the road I should take you to.”

                                                      ***

The closer he got to his parent’s place the more tightly wound Ben felt. Bringing a girl home to meet the family was always at least a little nerve wracking – wondering whether they’d like her, whether she’d like them, how many embarrassing stories he’d have to sit through. But he could safely say that with you it was worse than with anyone else. There was so much history with you, despite never having legitimately dated, that he couldn’t stop thinking about. You meant so much to him. And he knew his mum was going to love you (how could she not) and that meant he was going to be asked why it took him so long to bring you around and about where it was headed and they were questions he didn’t really feel up to answering. Of course, on top of all of that, there was the prospect of sharing a room with you, maybe a bed. You hadn’t entirely worked out the arrangement and not knowing was just making him more nervous. Not just for himself either, for you as well. If he was nervous he could only imagine you were too. You were going to be facing questions as well, judgement from a new family. A family you didn’t even want to be part of. So he kept close to you all night. Because it’s easier to pretend to be a couple when you’re by his side and it’s easier to avoid tough conversations when he has the excuse of introducing you to someone else up his sleeve. And it’s so much easier to keep his folks away from you when he’s got your hand in his. He does circuits of the garden with you, chats to everyone with you, repeating the story of how you met and the fiction of how you started dating. And the whole time he’s trying to make sure you’re comfortable and enjoying yourself at least a little because you don’t even have actual feelings for him to push you on. He’d gladly endure first meetings with every single member of your family tree if you asked but he knows you’re only there because you have to be. Unfortunately, he’s also had a bit to drink so eventually he has to relieve himself, silently cursing his bladder because it means he has to leave you on your own. You don’t seem to mind too much. If anything, it feels like you’ve found your feet and are actually having a good night which he’s glad for. But he still goes as quick as he can.

He’s on his way back when he sees you and instantly realises something’s wrong. Your leg is bouncing so rapidly it’s a wonder you don’t knock the underside of the table, and you’re looking around as if you’re trying to find him. His first thought is that someone has said something inappropriate. There’s plenty of drunk cousins around and who knows what one of them might have said or done in a misguided attempt to be charming or impressive or flirtatious. But then he realises who you’re sitting next to and his stomach drops. So he hurries over to the table and takes the seat beside you, laying his hand on your knee to try to calm you. It works well enough for you to be able to sit there a little longer until he can find a reasonable excuse to leave the table and his mum. He’s not in the mood to be at the party anymore and leads you to the exit, politely waving off anyone who tries to convince you both to stay a little longer. “Better?” he asks once you’re outside, relieved when you say yes. “She mentioned us getting married,” “What? Why the fuck would that have come up?” Ben couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He’d been prepared for a lot but not that. “It was just a passing comment but I….” “It’s okay, c’mon, let’s go home you can tell me everything.” Without thinking he pulled you into a hug, breathing out when he felt you lean into him.

By the time he got back to the house Ben wanted another drink. You’d sat under his arm the entire ride back, keeping quiet, obviously lost in thought as you absentmindedly played with his fingers. Every brush had made him want to take your hand properly and tilt your head up to kiss you, irresponsible and selfish as it might be. One of the upsides of being back home was knowing where his parents hid their best booze, so he dug out a bottle of his dad’s Johnnie Walker, feeling a little like a teenager again, pinching a drink to impress a girl. You laughed though so he counted it as a win. But the reason you were alone together, no longer at the party, was still weighing on him and clearly on you as well. “So what happened back there?” He handed you a glass and waited until you felt you could speak. “I guess it was just harder to be around your family than I was expecting.” Everything you said made sense he supposed. He’d not really considered it that way because he wasn’t so much lying as just playing pretend. But, as much as he wished you were on the same page, he understood where your guilt came from. He tried to make you laugh again but when it didn’t work he set his glass down and took your hand. “Seriously, Y/N, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. The premiere is coming up in a couple of weeks and then pretty soon after that we’ll break up and I’ll tell them it just wasn’t working. They’ll accept it and never have to know the truth. And then we can forget this whole thing and move on.” His chest tightened at the thought of it, not being allowed to even pretend to have you anymore but he clamped down on it for your sake. “But it must be hard for you too. Having me here and everything,” He half shrugged, looking down at where his thumb was brushing the back of your hand softly, “I’m a big boy, I can handle it.” Ben glanced back at you, about to tell you it was sweet of you to care about how he was doing, but when he saw your expression he stopped.

He was a little shocked by the kiss, stumbling back a step or two, the warning siren blaring in his head again. Everything told him to run away and yet his feet were frozen in place. Joe had been right when he said he shouldn’t do this, and he’d been here before. It hadn’t gone well then so what made him think it would be better this time? But somehow he can’t find the words and you kiss him again and he decides he’s going to let it happen. He’s sick of trying to fight how badly he wants you and you clearly want this too. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be trying to undress him. He decides he’s going to let himself be selfish for once and just go with it. After the decisions made it all turns into a bit of a blur really. You’re leaning against the table and then he’s carrying you up to his room and it’s like every almost kiss, every missed opportunity and pent up moment you’d never let yourselves have is breaking all at once. You’re on his bed now and god he’s wanted you like this for so fucking long and who cares if it’s wrong. One night won’t matter. And he’s surprised by how wet you are when you pull his hand towards your cunt but he loves that you’re taking the initiative and that you clearly want him just as much as he wants you. You don’t tell him to stop. You tell him how to touch you, what feels good, and he loves that about you too. Even more than he loves how you sound saying his name as you clench on his fingers and shiver through your orgasm and fuck, he thought the whine from last time was a captivating sound but it has nothing on this, on how you sound when you cum for him. He’s going to be thinking about that moment, about you saying his name like that forever. He wants to be inside you, wants to hear it again, wants to make you feel even better and he’s forgotten where you are and how you got there so he leans over and realises this isn’t this room. This room isn’t as prepared as he’d like. For a moment he thinks that’s it and maybe it’s for the best except then you say you have condoms as you get up and rummage through your bags. He wants to know why – were you planning this or are you always just prepared like that? – except then you’re coming back towards him and he really doesn’t care why, just that you do. You climb on top of him and he feels breathless at the sight. He wants to worship you, every inch of you, and he wants to be as close as possible, pushing himself up to kiss you again because he loves you. He says it without meaning to but he doesn’t care, he’s just trying to get you to moan his name again, rubbing your clit until you’re both finished, breathing hard against each other. You’re kissing along his jaw and he wants to stay like that forever, blissed out and tangled in each other’s embrace. But reality rushes back, ignoring how desperately he’s trying to cling to the moment, and he realises how messy everything suddenly is. It hurts too. Knowing it’s not real, knowing that you don’t want what he wants. He remembers what he said just moments before, that confession whispered against your lips, and it makes him feel queasy with embarrassment on top of the heartache that’s already setting in. How many times does he have to put himself through this pain before he gets it through his head? It’s not reciprocated. It never will be. “I’ve gotta…” Ben nods his head in the direction of the door, hoping you’ll fill in the blank yourself. He wants to leave but he also wants to stay there with you, so he settles on shifting out of your reach and looking over at you, not quite able to meet your eye. “I wasn’t expecting that to happen,” Weren’t you? “Neither. Are you okay?” “Yeah. I, um, it was really good and I-I think I kind of needed it.” Ben tried to smile but it didn’t feel like it worked properly. Sure you needed it. A quick fuck to break the forced dry spell. He wanted to run from the room, flee the scene “It was good for me too. Really good. But it can’t ever happen again.” He averted his eyes again, focused on slipping back into his underwear. There was half a second where he looked around for his shirt before realising it was out at the table with the unfinished whiskies. He’d have to tidy up so no one would be able to work out what happened.

Ben downed what remained of both drinks, the burn of the alcohol a welcome distraction, though much too brief. He grabs his phone from the table, drops the glasses onto the kitchen sink and heads outside to throw the used condom into the garbage bin. As if he was going to leave the evidence of his cowardice and misjudgement inside for anyone to find. Ben turned to head back towards the door, but he didn’t want to walk through it. Inside he’d have to face you and he wasn’t sure how to do that yet. Instead he walked down the sideway into the backyard, taking a seat on the retaining wall by the flower bed of peonies. It’s not exactly warm sitting there in just his boxers and his fingers shake a little as he unconsciously find’s Joe’s name in his contacts. Joe must be busy or asleep or something (What’s the time difference again?) because he doesn’t pick up. Instead the call goes to voicemail. “Joe, it’s Ben here. Um… you’re gonna laugh so hard when you hear how fucking stupid I am,” Ben forces a laugh himself, “So I, uh, I just told Y/N that I love her….again….while we were having sex.” A pause as it sank in, “I’m not even sure how it…how we got to… We were just talking and then we were in bed and…. But it’s okay because I told her it could never happen again,” Ben thinks of how affectionate you’d been after, kissing his jaw and his nose, clinging to him, but it wasn’t real, it was just your post-sex, post-orgasm mood. He starts to laugh, less false but not entirely natural either, “I have to drive back with her tomorrow. Christ. Talk about bad timing, huh. But it’s fine though, it’s fine, totally fine. Joe, it’s fine. Because it wasn’t real. We’ve both been pent up and she spent all day with my family and had to listen to my mum talk about us maybe getting married. This was her reward. And that’s all it was. And I’m the idiot for hoping it could ever be more than that. I mean it’s not like friends don’t sometimes fuck, right? Especially when they’ve been drinking and pretending to date. Sex doesn’t have to mean feelings and it doesn’t for her and that’s fine.” There was that tight feeling in his chest again. Ben cleared his throat. “The drive will give me a chance to tell her it was a mistake. Because it was. This whole thing was a mistake. It was a mistake to fuck her and it was a mistake to bring her to meet my family and it was a mistake to pretend to date her and the biggest mistake of all of them was falling for her. And I haven’t been doing enough to reverse that. I know I said I have been, but I haven’t. I got caught up in the maybes and what ifs and I didn’t really try to move on. But now I…. It’s gotta fucking end sometime. I can’t keep doing this. So I’ve got to tell her it was a mistake and I don’t love her. Maybe I never did. Maybe I’m the same as her and it was all just because I was horny. Whatever. Now I can move on with my life. She doesn’t love me and I don’t love her and she’ll just be some bitch I nailed and we’ll both be happy, right?” Ben sighed and swiped at his blurry eyes. He’s not sure if the voicemail cut out midway through his thought process but it probably doesn’t matter. Movement from upstairs catches his eye. You in his old bedroom, getting dressed and leaving the room. He’s a little worried that if he heads back inside now he’ll bump into you on your way to get a drink from the kitchen but he can’t sit outside in the chill air all night. He takes a breath and swipes his knuckle over his eyes again before heading back inside, creeping towards the bedroom. You weren’t anywhere to be seen, though he guesses that means you’re in the bathroom. When he reached the bedroom again, he dug into the closet and pulled out a number of spare blankets, stealing a pillow from the bed. It’s not a particularly comfortable nest that he makes but it’s warm and doesn’t smell as much like you as the bed does. The pillow still holds a trace of you, but he flips it over and the scent is gone. He’s there when you get back, already pretending to sleep, curled in on himself facing away from you. “Ben?” He squeezes his eyes tighter shut, listening as you flick off the light and tiptoe back towards the bed. There’s a creak of springs as you get comfortable and then another as you move again. “Ben?” Your voice sounds even softer that time and Ben is tempted to answer but he bites his tongue. “Ben I-I…. Goodnight.” There’s another creak as you settle back down again. Ben lies perfectly still until he’s sure you aren’t going to move again. He doesn’t want to hear whatever you’re trying to say. It’ll just be everything he already knows. So he keeps quiet and feigns sleep in the hopes that real sleep will bring it’s respite sooner rather than later.

                                                      ***

Ben’s phone rang and he admonished himself for hoping it was you. He was meant to be getting over you. Besides, the hope was misplaced. It was his mum. “How did Y/N’s audition go?” “Uh,” It took him a moment to remember the excuse he’d made up, “yeah, well I think.” “She’s lovely, Ben. I’m glad you finally let us meet her,” “Yeah,” He didn’t know how else to respond but his mother didn’t need much more encouragement than that. “You should bring her back soon, I’d love to have more of a chance to get to know her. It was a bit hard with so many people there.” “Yeah, um, I’d have to check when we’re free.” He said, dragging his fingers through his hair. “I’m sure you could find one night for us,” “Yeah. But there’s the premier coming soon and we’ve both got auditions and meetings lined up so I don’t know for sure. But let me talk to Y/N and we’ll find a day that works.” “Maybe a weekend? You could stay for a couple of days then, wouldn’t have to rush off.” “We’ll see. Depends.” “Don’t leave it too long honey,” “I won’t mum. Sorry, I’ve got to run, expecting a call back about something.” “Alright, love you,” “Love you too mum,” Ben threw his phone to the other side of the couch and sighed. He’d been expecting that call but that didn’t make it any easier to get through. Not when he’d spent the last few days thinking about that night and everything that had happened. The way your lips felt on his, the way you’d looked sitting on his lap, the way you’d sounded when you came. He shook his head as if he were an etch-a-sketch but the thoughts didn’t disappear, they just morphed into thoughts of later, in the car on the way home. How you’d nodded when he’d said he didn’t love you, clearly overjoyed with the news but trying not to show it.

 Ben hadn’t gone cold turkey with you, there was still some contact, but he refrained from anything too unnecessary, spent as much time as he could with his other friends, and tried to keep any replies to you as simple as possible. Unfortunately his parents was less restrained. A few days later his mum called again, checking if he’d had a chance to invite you over yet. The day after he received a message from his dad suggesting he come down for lunch on the weekend (and encouraging him to bring you along), and then a couple days after that there was another call, one which he ignored. Every time he was thrown back to that night. But not even ignoring the calls helped. It just left him dwelling on everything and it didn’t even deter them. When next his mum called he found himself in yet another conversation on the topic and only just managed to stop himself from hanging up in her ear. He couldn’t do it anymore. It was pointless, all of it. The part of him that had thought you’d fall for him if you slept together had been proven wrong so there was nothing left to hope for. But with his family and friends thinking you were dating, always asking after you, and with you texting him memes and requesting his help, how was he meant to move on? What he needed was a clean break. But the breakup wasn’t scheduled until after the premiere and it wasn’t like a date had been set, it was up to the studio or your agents or someone else. And Ben wasn’t sure how he’d be able to wait it out that long.

 A breakthrough came in an email from Peter, an update about the movie Ben had signed on for. Originally it was meant to film in England, but those plans were in the process of changing. Part of it would still be done around London but now it seemed a big portion of the filming would happen in Spain too. Peter seemed unsure as to how this change would clash with the plans for the breakup but Ben saw it as the opportunity he needed. He wouldn’t be leaving until after the premiere anyway so it wouldn’t change your last public appearance together, but it would also work as the clean break he’d been looking for. Plus, as he reasoned to Peter, they could use the distance as an excuse for why the breakup happened. Peter seemed to like the idea and agreed that the change of location wouldn’t affect anything enough to make Ben drop out. Ben was relieved, having been excited about the project since he first picked up the script, and began looking forward to getting away from you properly. Being in a completely different country would give him the time and space he needed to stop thinking about you. It would be easy to sever all ties to you and get on a plane and move on, maybe meet someone who could drive you from his mind. He’d have to break up with you though, not just through the press but as a friend too. He couldn’t have you texting him while he was away or commenting on photos he posted online. It had to be complete. He had to remove you from his life entirely. After the premiere would be a good time to tell you. He’d pull you aside at the party or maybe tell you in the limo on the way home. It’d be hard to explain but you’d understand. She’s probably been wondering how to get rid of you anyway. Surely, you’d be pleased to hear he was going to leave you alone, not bother you with his stupid feelings anymore. You’d agree it was for the best.

                                                      ***

The night of the premiere snuck up on Ben. He’d been distracted with warding off his parents every invitation, on top of sorting out everything for his trip to Spain. Before he knew it the night had arrived making him feel equal parts excited about seeing the final product of what he’d spent so many months working on and anxious about seeing you. All he could think about was what he was going to say to you. He felt bad about cutting you from his life but there was relief too, knowing it’d be over soon. As he dressed in the suit his stylist had picked out he went over the speech he’d mentally written. It’s just a breakup, you’ve done it before. Tell her you’re sorry but you can’t see her anymore. That’s all you have to do. So, it was with this confusing mixture of emotions that he got into the limo and he only felt more ill at ease as he approached your place to pick you up. “You look lovely,” he said as you climbed into the car beside him. It came out more robotic than he meant it to. But there was a sense that this was the last time he’d be allowed to properly look at you so, while you were getting settled and taking in the interior of the limousine, he allowed himself a final chance to look you over. A hundred other adjectives to describe how beautiful you were, all dressed up and glowing, popped into his head but he kept those to himself. He couldn’t second guess his decision now. It was the only way to stop caring about you. And yet, he could feel his resolve crumbling just from being near you for the first time in weeks. No. Don’t let her get to you. This is why you can’t be in contact. Ben felt his hand curl into a fist as he reminded himself how useful the space would be. What he needed was some rules, guidelines to follow to help him stick to his plan. He ignored the irony as he came up with them. No holding hands. Actually, make that no physical contact. No voluntary physical contact anyway. He was bound to be asked by someone to take a photo with you or appear on camera with you and he couldn’t refuse if they asked for him to touch you or kiss you or anything. Do as many interviews as you can without her. That would hopefully keep interactions to a minimal. Don’t look at her during the movie.

 It was surprisingly easy to stick to the rules as you both made your way down the red carpet, but he knew it wasn’t so much his choice as it was how busy and noisy and chaotic everything was. People called his name from every side, reporters looking for quick interviews, fans looking for autographs or photos. He was able to sidestep you easily, answering questions that were thrown at him on his own until someone asked if they could speak to you both at once or get a photo of you together. Whenever you were waved over to join him, he attempted to maintain as much space as he could, but you seemed to have set your own rules just to make it harder for him. You took his hand, leant your head on his shoulder, stood so close your leg brushed against his, stroked your hand over his arm, anything and everything you could to be closer to him. Ben wasn’t sure if you really were acting more affectionate (clingy and needy) than normal or if it just felt that way because he was attempting to hold back. He put up with it though, unable to do much besides press on to the next interview without you. The hardest part was when you reached a bank of photographers who wanted a number of photos of the happy couple. Someone called out for him to kiss you and then suddenly the entire crowd was calling for it. He kept it soft and brief, though a part of him regretted not making the final kiss you’d share better.

 After that he was able to escape you for a little, talking to people as everyone gathered in the theatre to watch the movie. He didn’t look at you again until he was on stage with you, introducing the film and saying his words of gratitude and celebration. But even that didn’t last long and then he was able to take his seat and focus his attention on the screen. Watching himself was always a bit of a weird experience. Part enjoying what he’s helped create, part critiquing his performance, and part wondering why it had been edited the way it had been edited. But somehow it was even stranger sitting beside you and watching you play at being in love with him. He recognised expressions, small smiles and looks, that you’d given him on dates during the course of your relationship. Just proof of how fake everything with you was. It left him with a bitter taste in his mouth and an oddly jealous feeling in his gut. And he could feel you looking at him but he stuck to his rules and kept his eyes fixed ahead.

 He turned to his other side afterwards to talk to Alfie, wondering aloud how everyone would react to the movie and laughing about how well it had turned out. Ben couldn’t think what to say to you, knowing the inevitable end was coming. It was closer now that everyone was heading to the after party. So he was grateful when Alfie joined the two of you in your car. “You two ready to party?” He laughed, “Fuck I love that work gives me such a good excuse to get plastered.” Ben laughed along but he was stuck by the realisation that of course there’d be drinking. He’d have to watch how much he had, especially around you. He didn’t want to say something he’d regret or not be able to explain himself properly. “I think shots are in order to get us started. Meet you both by the bar?” “Sounds like a plan Al,” “I’m making yours a double Jones. We’ll have him dancing on the table by the end of the night, right Y/N?” “Oh I’d love to see that.” Cameras flashed as the small group got out of the car. Alfie headed off down the line, catching up with one of the others, leaving Ben and you on your own. Ben felt you press into his side, hanging off his arm, and thought about what waited in the club. Alfie with shots followed by champagne and cocktails and whatever else would be pressed on him during the night. He didn’t want to blurt it out or let it slip in front of other people. He had to tell you before he’d had anything to drink, just in case. It was now. It had to happen now.

 As soon as he was inside, Ben looked around for somewhere he could have a quiet word with you, somewhere no one was likely to overhear. A nearby mirrored hallways seemed the perfect place. Everyone else was busy heading into the main room and it was out of view of the photographers still hanging around outside, waiting for the stragglers to show up. “Can I speak to you over hear a sec?” he lead you around the corner, looking around to double check for eavesdroppers, “So, there’s something I need to…Y/N?” he realised you hadn’t been paying attention, probably keen to get inside and celebrate. “Yeah, sorry, Um…” Ben didn’t hear what you said next, too busy trying to remember everything he wanted to tell you, “I was going to hold off until later but I don’t want to let something slip after a few drinks or anything like that. I can’t do this anymore. This whole thing was a mistake that I should never have agreed to and I need it to be over now.” He could see how confused you were, “You know they’re going to break us up in like a week, right?” “Yeah well, that’s too long to wait. I’m breaking us up now.” He kept talking, sure the shock of it would wear off and you’d agree with him once you’d heard it all, “And…I don’t think I can see you again, not for a while at least. I need some space to forget this ever happened. I, um, I start my new job in a few days so I think they’ll probably use that in the magazines to explain our breakup. And I don’t expect I’ll see you until after it’s finished. If then. So…good luck with that witch movie. Take care of yourself.” He didn’t want to hear you agree with him, didn’t want to hear you say it was for the best or that you were going to suggest the same thing or even a goodbye. So he pushed past you and followed the noise until he found the bar. As promised Alfie was there, with a few others, a shot glass in each hand. He handed one to Ben. “Where’d Y/N go?” “Oh, uh, loo. She’ll be here in a minute.” “Well here’s to a job well done and hopefully some fucking record breaking box office numbers,” “Cheers to that,” Ben clinked his glass against Alfie’s and downed the shot, hissing a little, “another?” “Read my mind,” Ben lost himself in conversation and drinks, chatting with those around him for a while before moving on to talk to more people. Beer in hand, he headed towards the side of the room where a couple of the other main cast were sitting. Claudia looked up as he approached, “Heya Ben! Where’s Y/N? I haven’t seen her all night,” It was only then that Ben realised he hadn’t seen you come in after he’d left you in the hallway. He glanced around in an attempt to spot you, a pang of worry shooting through him but then he stopped looking. She’s not yours to worry about anymore.

                                                      ***

Ben woke up with a minor hangover the day after the premiere. Maybe it was karma. Despite what he told himself, he’d kept an eye out for you all night, but never saw you and he was more than a little worried that it was because of what he’d said. It was tempting to call and ask where you’d gotten to but a quick glance at the clock told him you’d likely still be asleep anyway. Besides, he knew he shouldn’t. He’d told you he wasn’t going to see you again and he intended to stick to his word. Instead he sent a group message to his mates and invited them around for one last hang out before he left for Spain. The next call he made was to his mum. “Hi honey. How’d the premiere go? “It was really fun, movie looks good.” “How long before you fly out?” “Couple of days,” “Shame there’s not enough time for you and Y/N to come over for dinner,” “Yeah, um, about that… we broke up.” “What? Why?” “It just wasn’t working. Mutual decision, we both felt it had run its course but decided to keep it quiet until after the premiere. So, yeah, no dinner, even if I was going to be in the country.” “Oh, honey, are you okay?” “Yeah, fine. Like I said, we both knew it was coming so y’know, no hard feelings or anything.” “It’s a shame, she was so lovely,” “Yeah, well, sometimes things just don’t work the way you think they will.”

The boys arrived in the afternoon, bringing a mixture of snacks and a few beers with them. They settled in the living room to play video games. Ben liked the company. It was a good distraction. Or it would have been if talk hadn’t turned to you. “Bit surprised you wanted us here and not Y/N. Figured you’d spend your last days in the UK with her,” “Why would I when we broke up?” “You what? When?” Ben shrugged, “We broke up. Few days ago,” “Jesus man, I’m sorry,” “Don’t be, it’s fine. I dumped her.” “Yeah but you had to go to the premiere with her right? That’s rough,” “Was a bit but there was an open bar so I coped,” Ben laughed. “Might be time we got him back on the market then,” “What? We only broke up a couple of days ago,” “You’re clearly not too cut up about it,” “What the fuck would you know, you’ve been single for what is it, three years now?” “Well you didn’t tell us when it happened, and you never even told us when you got together. We found out through a magazine, so obviously you weren’t really that serious about her” “We were waiting until after all the movie stuff was done, and that’s bollocks.” “Excuses. Besides, getting someone new to suck you off is the best way to forget an ex. This is your phone right?” “Oi give that back,” There was a scuffle as Ben tried to grab his phone back but he was outnumbered and pinned down as the boys redownloaded his Bumble app and signed in for him, laughing about how he used the same password for everything. “She’s fit, give her a like,” “Oh I like her, might be a bit tall for you though Ben,” Ben rolled his eyes as he watched them swipe on profile after profile until they heard a noise that meant one of the girls had sent him a message. “There you go Ben, didn’t take long did it. You’ll forget all about that Y/N chick in no time,” Ben snatched his phone back, “You guys are such wankers,” “That’s not very nice considering we’ve just got you a new girl,” There was laughter and more teasing as controllers were passed around and the game was loaded. Ben closed the app, thumb hovering over it to delete it again. But maybe they were right. Maybe someone new would be good. He set the phone down again and turned his attention to the game.

                                                      ***

Spain was beautiful and having a new movie to work on was the perfect distraction, especially considering how many stunts, fight scenes, and action sequences were involved. It gave him a chance to meet more people in the industry, people he was excited to work with, and really focus on something other than you. The cast went out together frequently too, dinners at local restaurants, drinks in the hotel bar, getting lost in an unfamiliar city. There was no trace of you there, no reminders of date nights, nothing but work and a new country to explore. Occasionally he’d get a notification that a reporter or curious individual was trying to message him, asking questions about you and the split but he ignored them. Ben deleted the Bumble app too within the first few days, knowing he wouldn’t use it. There was no time, even if he’d wanted to hook up with anyone. He could always reinstall it once he was back home. Once he knew you were in the past. Because the problem was that at some point every night, Ben would get back to his hotel suite and be left alone again. For a while he’d be able to think about what scenes would be filmed the next day, maybe practice some fight choreography. But eventually he’d run out of distractions and then all that was left to think about was you. Peter had sent through the first articles that reported the breakup and since then he’d found himself wondering if you’d moved on yet, found someone else to date now that you were allowed to. He’d considered checking your Instagram account but had held off, knowing it was a step in the wrong direction. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know anyway. He hadn’t gotten over you enough yet to deal with photos of you and another man together.

 This night was much the same as the others had been. Everyone met up for dinner, followed by a couple of drinks and then headed back to the hotel to unwind. Ben decided to call it an early night. He’d spent a good part of the day hooked up to harnesses and wires, being flung at a wall over and over. He was sore and tired figured some extra rest would do him good. He was just settling into bed, trying to keep his mind on the TV show he’d put on when he heard the knock. He listened closely for a moment but it couldn’t be for him, he’d put up a do not disturb sign on his door, so he turned back to the TV and flicked to a different channel. Another knock. It definitely sounded like his door but who would it be? Maybe one of the other actors? But they’d all heard him say he was going to have an early night, so surely not. Again Ben ignored it. The third knock got Ben out of bed, stumbling to the light switch and then the door, ready to politely tell whoever it was to fuck off and let him rest. “Sorry but can you not see the do not dis- Y/N? What ar-” Ben was surprised. Surprised you knew where he was, surprised you’d come there after he’d told you he didn’t want to see you, surprised that you were covering his mouth to shut him up. “You wouldn’t reply to my texts and I didn’t know if you’d listen to any voicemails I left you but I have something I need to tell you so that’s why I’m here.” There was a beat as Ben waited to hear what could be so important that you’d come all the way to Spain to tell him. “I love you.” He gasped but your palm was still over his mouth so he couldn’t say anything. It had to be a joke, didn’t it? But you didn’t look like you were joking. He waited, listening as you explained everything. It was wonderful to know you felt the same but his shock didn’t lessen. He’d been so sure about everything. So sure about how little you’d felt for him, so sure you would have understood why he needed space. And now you were here telling him the exact opposite? It was unfathomable. Maybe it was a hallucination? Maybe he’d got a concussion when he hit the wall too hard earlier. Does concussion make you hallucinate? But blinking didn’t make you disappear and the hand against his mouth felt real enough. “I’ve missed you so much, so fucking much, and all I’ve wanted is to see you again and hear your voice and hug you and I’d really like to date you for real, or at least be friends again because not having you in my life is complete shit.” Ben felt tears prickling his eyes as he realised how backwards he’d had it. You loved him. You. Y/N. You loved him so much you’d flown to Spain just to tell him. “That’s all I had to say,” you said softly, pulling you hand away. Ben staired in disbelief for a moment but you looked as if you were fighting the urge to run for it and it brought him back to his senses. “Thank god,” it was all he could think to say as he reached out to hold you, pulling you tight against him and kissing you the way he’d wanted to kiss you for so long. Relief flooded his system when you kissed back. He didn’t have to forget you or force himself to move on. It had been an impossible task anyway. He was glad to stop trying.

 It’s only when someone makes a noise further down the corridor that he lets you go, asks if you planned to stay, lead you inside and towards the couch. There were things he needed to clear up first, before he could let himself be fully happy with the situation. He looks at you properly then. You look tired, worn out. He’s not sure if it’s from the late hour or the flight or because you’ve not been sleeping properly but it makes him feel guilty that he upset you. He hates that he pushed you away and wasted months trying to get rid of you when you’d both actually wanted the same thing, to be together. But you’re here now. He reached out to brush a strand of your hair behind your ear, almost dizzy with joy that he could do that. “I’m really sorry for how I acted,” You smiled softly as you took a seat and Ben fell into the spot beside you, unable to take his eyes from you. He lets you lead the conversation, trying to sort out his mess of emotions as he explains himself. I thought if I told you I’d never been into you, acted like it, then I could make it true.” “Did it work?” “Of course not,” How could you ever think it would work? That he could just forget you so fast, after he’d fallen for you so hard? “Which is why I pushed you away.” You nodded, seemed to understand where he’d been coming from. He hesitated before reaching out to grab your hand again, a little afraid of touching you lest you turn to smoke and vanish. But you didn’t. He stifled a yawn, hoping you wouldn’t take it as his disinterest in the conversation. He’d stay up as long for as long as it took to go over everything, no matter how tired he was. “Has there been anyone else?” “Anyone else what?” “I saw a thing about you dating again,” That was surprising, not what he’d expected you to bring up. He hadn’t even realised it had been reported on. But he shook his head, explained about his friends encouraging him to move on. It seemed to satisfy you because you leant on his shoulder, let him hold you. He apologised when he yawned again, about to suggest he put a pot of coffee on so he could keep talking. But then you suggested going to bed and he had to agree.

 As soon as his head hit the pillow Ben knew he’d fall asleep fast. Even with the excitement of your arrival and the buzz of joy you brought. He kept his eyes on you. Everything seemed too good to be true. You grabbed his hand and placed it around you, shuffling as close as you could. “You’re actually here, yeah? I’m not just dreaming it?” Ben asked, voicing aloud his biggest worry. “I’m here Ben.” She’s here. In your bed. “Don’t leave, okay?” “I won’t.” She’s here and she’s staying. “I love you,” he needed to say it again, to make sure you knew that he still felt the same. “I love you too,” It was comforting to hear you say it again too, made his heart burst as he kissed you again. He didn’t want to stop but he was much to tired to do anything else. Still, he fought sleep for as long as he could. He’d lost so much time being apart from you that, now he had you back in his arms, sleep felt like a waste of precious hours. Hours he could spend kissing you, being with you, making sure you felt loved. He couldn’t fight it forever though, eventually had to give up. The last thing he saw before he shut his eyes was you, smiling at him, as you lay beside him.

                                                      ***

It had been a long day what with moving you into his house. Even after the boxes were inside and everyone who had been helping out had gone home, there was still a lot to do. Everything needed to be unpacked and put away. Ben had been clearing space on all his shelves and in all his cupboards to fit everything you’d brought with you. Plus there was new furniture from Ikea to unpack and construct. Like the chest of draws he’d been working on before he got up to stretch his legs and grab a glass of water. He caught sight of the magazines that had been left in the kitchen and, chuckling at their stories of marriage and babies, stacked them in a neat pile before he grabbed his drink. As he walked back through the living room he saw you, curled up on the floor beside the box you’d been working through. “Y/N?” Ben shook your shoulder to wake you, trying not to laugh as you blink at him groggily, still half asleep. “Alright, cuddle bunny, up you get. Time for bed, yeah?” “But the boxes,” you argued though it was unenthusiastic and slurred with sleep. “The boxes will be there tomorrow. C’mon, come with me,” Ben half carried you to the bedroom and helped you under the covers, leaving you with a kiss on the forehead before heading back to the draws he was halfway through building.

 By the time he was finished putting the draws together Ben was feeling fairly tired himself. He moved the spare screws off the floor so no one would step on them and then headed back to the bedroom. You were still there, sleeping soundly. Ben paused in the doorway to look at you. It was a sight he loved, you in his bed. The first time you stayed over and slept in his bed rather than the guest room had been a monumental occasion though the novelty of it had worn off a bit now, especially with how frequently you’d stayed at each other’s places before the move. But still, he’d never get sick of seeing you beside him, where you belonged. Same as he’d never get sick of making you tea or trying to convince you to eat an actual breakfast or making you laugh. It was in that moment, leaning against the doorway of the bedroom you now shared, one wall lined with boxes of your belongings yet to be put away, it was then that he knew he wanted to marry you. Have a family with you, spend his life with you. He’d go out and buy a ring once you were moved in properly, though he could hear his friends telling him to wait a little longer, see how everything was living with you first. But that didn’t matter. He wouldn’t have to give it to you straight away after all. But he knew that was what he wanted with you. And now that you were together, after so much time and trouble, he never wanted to let you go.

[offtopicoverload]

Get Lucky

so i totally forgot about this request from @renluthor for like. two months, terribly sorry, but i finally finished it lmao. bit different than what we had discussed, but i had a lot of fun with it and think it turned out decent enough, hope you enjoy it also idk how to tag on ao3, i hope this works fine

M Rating (still suck at rating, there's drinking and kissing so)

Zoey x MC (Bea)

~1700 words (still pretty short since i cant seem to get my word count up rn but im also not that fussed)

Read on Ao3

-

Bea Hughes stands in the middle of Belvoire’s quad on her first day at the school, staring down a snarling beast, some bitch named Poppy that’s really starting to get on her nerves. “You know what, Poppy?” she snarks, “I’m really going to enjoy tearing you down. Something tells me nobody likes you half as much as you like yourself.” She pauses, glancing around before her gaze lands on some frat bro, “Michael, how often does Poppy call you an idiot?”

He frowns, face downcast, “Every day. My therapist says it isn’t good to surround myself with people who bring me down, but my parents are friends with Poppy’s and -”

“Oh my god, nobody asked to be invited to your pity party, Michael!” Poppy shouts, effectively cutting him off with a stamp of her foot.

Bea’s scowl grows, “You know what nobody asked to be invited to? Poppy’s Daily Bitch-Fest. Death by migraine would be more pleasant.”

“Oh, you haven’t even seen Poppy’s Daily Bitch-Fest,” her eyes narrow at Bea dangerously, “But if you’d like a demonstration, by all means, be my guest of -”

“Hey Bea! Look at the time, we gotta go!” Someone takes hold of Bea’s wrist, tugging her along and away from the crowd, from Michael, and from Poppy and her glare. She’s pulled into a sprint across the lawn, running wildly until they’re inside a dorm and standing before some door.

“Wish the circumstances were different, but welcome to the Winfrey dorm complex, aka your new home!” The girl lets Bea’s wrist drop back to her side, gesturing widely with one hand as she fumbles to unlock the door with the other.

She finally succeeds, throwing the door open and ushering Bea inside, the door slamming shut behind them. Bea’s eyes immediately rove over the expensive decor and nice furniture of the huge dorm she’s somehow stumbled upon.

The girl collapses on a couch, kicking her feet up as she looks over to Bea, “So, you got out of that one alive. Barely,” she adds under her breath. “How are you feeling?”

Bea follows suit, slumping down on the opposite side, toying with the hem of her shirt distractedly. “Honestly, you’re gorgeous,” she shrugs, watching the fabric slide between her fingertips. She freezes, slowly glancing to Zoey, “...is what I was thinking, but did I just say it out loud?”

A laugh bursts from Zoey, her head falling back, “You did, and you’re absolutely, positively right. Not to mention easy on the eyes yourself,” she grins, winking at Bea, before sticking her hand out. “I’m Zoey Wade, your roomie,” she shakes Bea’s hand when their palms meet, “This right here is our dorm. Your room’s on the left, mine’s on the right.”

“Okay,” Bea responds abruptly, sinking into the cushions and crossing her arms beneath her chest. “Okay,” she repeats.

Zoey glances over to her, “Are you okay?”

Bea’s eyes flicker to her dark ones, “Yes. Yes, because I got lucky on the roommate front,” she smiles, albeit somewhat forced.

“That you did,” Zoey smiles right back. “In fact, I know the perfect place to get you off campus until the hype dies down.” she jumps to her feet, crossing to the front door before Bea can even react.

She scrambles to her feet, nearly tripping on the corner of the coffee table, “Wait!” Zoey spins as she swings the door open, winking before disappearing down the corner, Bea nearly sprinting to catch up.

---

An hour later, Bea and Zoey are sitting in a dim corner of a Soho speakeasy, soft music and conversation buzzing in the background. Half-drunk Manhattans sit before them, their own voices adding to the soft din of chatter flowing in the space.

“How’d you find this place?” Bea inquires curiously, her eyes scanning the building and its patrons. It’s cozy and warm, the inviting atmosphere a sharp contrast to Belvoire’s intimidating one.

“Connections,” Zoey’s shoulders rise in a nonchalant shrug, unbothered as she scrolls her phone.

“Whose?”

Zoey looks up from her phone, gaze meeting Bea’s as she smirks, “Can’t spill all my secrets on the first day, babe.”

“Why not?” Bea challenges, one eyebrow quirked.

Zoey’s phone is set face down on the table as she looks at Bea mysteriously, smiling secretively, “As sweet as you are, I always need a few cards up my sleeve.”

“How many you got?”

“I’ll never tell,” she winks, in what Bea is quickly learning to be her default.

“I thought the whole point of coming here was to learn more about each other, roomie,” Bea counters pointedly.

Zoey shakes her head, leaning back against the booth, “The point of coming here is avoiding the campus harpy that goes by the name of Poppy.”

“So you don’t want to get to know me? Or let me get to know you?”

“Maybe if you’re lucky I’ll tell you something.”

Bea just her bottom lip out in a pout, her eyes wide and innocent as she blinks up at Zoey. She only smiles coyly in return, drinking her cocktail as Bea deflates, sighing and slumping backwards.

“You are so lucky you’re cute,” Zoey hums from the back of her throat.

Bea grins before schooling her expression into something flirtatious, “I’m hoping I’ll get luckier.”

Zoey laughs at that, just as loud and unrestrained as back in their dorm, “Nice try. At least buy me a drink first.”

“I’ll buy you the whole bar, how about that?”

“I’ll take another Manhattan for now,” Zoey laughs, sinking back into the booth as Bea jumps up, weaving through the speakeasy’s crowd to get back to the bar.

She returns a few minutes later, wiggling the drinks in her hands enticingly with a wide grin on her lips. She slides back into her seat, sipping her own bright coloured cocktail as she looks to Zoey.

“So what made you want to come to Belvoire? Long way from home, right?” Zoey plays with her drink, scraping a cherry off a toothpick with her front teeth.

Bea shrugs, “It’s a good school, and I thought it’d be fun to try something new… But now I’m mixed up in petty drama,” a sigh shifts her shoulders, Zoey stilling her absentminded fidgeting.

“Petty drama, maybe, but you’re making a name for yourself,” she nudges Bea with her elbow. “That’s more than a lot of people can say.”

“So you don’t think I’m totally screwed?”

“Hmm,” one carefully manicured nail taps Zoey’s chin. “I give it ten to one odds,” she finally decides, smiling sweetly across the table.

Bea frowns, a dent forming between her brows as the girl across from her’s smile grows in amusement, “Those aren’t good odds.”

“But there’s still a chance. Look, I know I don’t know you very well, but you seem like the type to pull it off.”

“Seems like you’re just trying to flatter me.”

“And what if I was?”

“I guess I’d wonder if there was a reason for it.”

“Can’t a cute girl be reason enough?”

Bea lets her gaze rake over Zoey suggestively, “I suppose so.”

“See? You’re smart, you’ll be fine,” she encourages. “Probably.”

“Ugh,” with a groan, Bea’s head falls forward, forehead crashing against the table.

“Nope, nope, nope,” Zoey chastises above her, “No moping.”

Bea turns, her cheek pressing into the wood, “What else am I supposed to do?”

“You’re going to dance,” Zoey announces, standing with her palms flat on the tabletop. She cocks her head at Bea expectantly, sauntering out to the dancefloor when Bea takes the hint, popping up and chasing behind her.

The dance floor's more crowded than anywhere else, couples and friend groups moving in unison to the beat thundering through the air. Zoey whirls around, dancing to the peppy song currently playing until Bea’s joined her, swinging her hips and throwing her arms about carelessly.

The song’s change, the crowd moves as one, and the pair spin and jump and whirl, Zoey taking Bea’s hands and twirling her until she’s laughing and dizzy. Time ticks past until they’re both breathless and sweaty, leaning against one another for support.

“You’re a pretty good dancer,” Zoey chuckles, her breath brushing Bea’s cheek, goosebumps breaking across her skin.

A grin breaks Bea’s lips too, relaxed and somewhat tired, “Right back atcha.”

Zoey throws her arm over Bea’s shoulders, fingers knitting behind her neck as she looks down at the shorter girl, her messy hair and gleaming eyes, her smudged lipstick and shining teeth. One hand retracts, the pad of her thumb swiping lightly beneath Bea’s lips, cleaning up the mess on her skin.

Bea’s breath hitches, her eyes widening in the dim lighting of the speakeasy, glued to Zoey’s dark ones as they shift over parted lips. “Hey, Bea?” she whispers, thumb still ghosting over Bea’s skin.

“Yeah?” she whispers back, the exhale skimming Zoey’s skin now.

“Are you still trying to get lucky?”

“God yes,” she groans.

Zoey bends down, letting her lips softly graze Bea’s, just barely making contact. Smudged lips chase hers, Zoey smiling before Bea’s palms are on her cheeks, tugging her downwards, her own thumbs brushing along high cheekbones.

Zoey’s hands find her hips, pulling her closer until they’re bodies fit together, only heat between them under the lights. Zoey nips at Bea’s bottom lip, the shorter girl gasping against her lips, Zoey’s tongue slipping past them.

Time ticks past, the mass of people surrounding them lost in a haze, heat the only thing discernible. The break apart after a short moment, unconsciously swaying to the music together, getting caught up in the rhythm, sucked into the thudding bass.

“We should probably head back to campus,” Zoey murmurs after another song fades out.

Bea’s head lolls to the taller girl’s shoulder, a groan spilling from her throat, “Mm, do we have to?”

A familiar chuckle explodes from Zoey’s chest, “Yeah, maybe you’ll find a four-leaf clover along the way. Get even luckier.”

Bea pulls back, her eyes eager as they meet Zoey’s and the remaining laughter in them. “Okay, let’s go!” she grabs Zoey’s hand on her hip, tugging her through the crowd and out the door, pulling her along this time. Her laughter rings behind Bea as she barrels down the street, New York’s lights illuminating her way.

[justsomefluff]

OMG I LOVED that reaction you did, and the scenario like thing was really good!! I loved it, thank you!! Can I request another reaction (mini-scenario)? Like ATEEZ confessing to their crush while they (ATEEZ) are drunk? (San said Yeo does aegyo/is cute when drunk I'd like to see this ^^)

This is so cute, I would pay good money to see them tipsy no lie lmao. also this is fluff and crack at the same time so...I hope you like it lmao

Hongjoong:

(^ he’d do this during a drunk confession you cant change my mind ^)

Okay so when he’s drunk I feel like he sees himself as being really composed and cool

but in reality... not so much

and, even if he hadn’t been planning on confessing to you

oh boy, his body starts shaking a lil and you’re low-key like... 911?

like his body is telling him to ABORT MISSION but once his drunk brain has made the decision there's no going back

So, in his mind, this is what he’s saying out loud okay

“Y/n, I just wanted to let you know that I have some serious feelings for you. I know you may not feel the same way, but I just needed to tell you.”

Super awesome, everyone wishes to be that composed right?

Well here’s what he really said:

“Listen here, you cute mother-, no I shouldn’t swear at you, my bad. I’m totally in love with you right? Watchu think bout dat?”

and then he’s quiet, and smiling bc he’s proud of himself and you’re just like um????

like that’s not how you imagined this would go

But you also know that he’s gonna be super embarrassed about this in the morning so you just say

“Let’s talk tomorrow, Joongie?”

and he smiles at the nickname and nods and kinda puts his head down

You honestly cant wait to tell him you feel the same when he’s sober

and make fun of him for getting wasted

Seonghwa:

so Seonghwa, unlike Joong, is actually pretty composed

like at first, he’s wildin’ and everything

but then he just calms down super fast

like so fast you get whiplash

and he just smiles at you and you’re like “...freak”

then he frowns and he’s like “I like to look at pretty things that make me smile”

“You make me smile too, Hwa” :)

then he just grabs you into a hug and starts swaying you guys side to side

like some awkward and forced middle school slow-dance 

“What are you doing?”

and he shushes you to preserve the moment but you're like “I want answers”

then he finally leans his head down and his lips are brushing the shell of your ear so softly you barely notice

“I think I love you”

he strikes me as the kind of person who wants to confess but also isn’t ever 100% sure he wants to confirm that he loves you so he throws that “I think” in there to cushion the blow if you reject him

but, luckily for him, you do feel the same

you just turn your head ever so slightly to the side and peck his temple

he smiles and rests his head on your shoulder and squeezes your hips before wrapping his arms around you completely

“I kinda need to hear you say it”

“I think I love you too, Hwa”

Yunho:

okay this big ole baby right

I feel like he’s the kind of drunk who is crazy for a little bit but gets tired really fast

so after like an hour of insanity, his eyes are drooping and you’ve settled on a couch (or seat, wherever your location might be)

and he smooshes his cheek into your thigh and you’re totally aware that he’s gonna fall asleep on you

but you’re cool with that, I mean who wouldn’t be

and after a couple minutes of silence, you think he’s knocked out completely

he suddenly turns his head to look up at you

and you look down at him to ask if he’s okay, or if he needs anything

he just starts laughing and then this IDIOT

pokes your double chin (bc I mean why does he have to look at you from that angle) and goes “How is it that I like you so much, even your double chin is cute?”

part of you is like “omg he likes me” and the other part of you is like “...im gonna slap him. don't talk about my double chin”

so, given your inner turmoil, you're silent for a minute and he starts to pout

“you don’t like my double chin?” and he makes a double chin and grabs your hand to make you poke it

“say you like my double chin too, please”

“Yunho, I like you too... double chin and all” (you had decided that you are not going to slap him after all)

and thats kind of the end of the night bc after that crackhead confession he actually falls asleep

but you are lucky enough that he remembers it all the next morning and it becomes kind of a thing in your relationship to make double chins at each other then say “I love you” 

Yeosang:

drunk Yeosang and aegyo here we go

whiny baby voice and big eyes and pouting all the way

like he’s not so much into doing the cutesy actions like finger hearts and stuff

but refers to himself as “Sangie” and talks about himself in third person too

CLINGY

not necessarily cuddly, but always has to be holding your hand or else he’ll cry

calls you pet names like Jagi and my love and stuff

and at first you’re like aw he’s a cute drunk and tease him a little bit

but then he pouts even harder and murmurs “I'm serious”

you’re like O.O

“you mean it? you really like me, Sangie?”

nods his head furiously like you seriously think he’s gonna get a concussion for about .5 seconds

like okay I get it, you mean it, please stop doing that your head is not a maraca

“I like you too”

cue the biggest, goofiest, toothiest grin you’ve ever seen

makes big ole fishy lips at you, and points at them to ask for a kiss

so you just give him a quick peck, bc you don't really want either of you to be drunk for your first real kiss

but that satisfies him for the time being :)

San:

Sannie best boy, I cannot stress that enough

the sweetest lil drunk okay

tries to take care of you even though he’s the drunk one

thirsty? he’s gonna get up and get you a glass of whatever you want even if he spills half of it trying to give it to you

hungry? he’ll get you some if you agree to share

so halfway through a tub of ice cream he decides to lay some truth on you okay

“I like my ice cream like I like you”

and you, of course, having seen that meme, respond with “ugly?” and you cackle at your own joke

but he’s so offended

“apologize to yourself and this ice cream”

“wtf? why?”

“because ice cream is the second most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen after you. apologize”

literally holds the tub of ice cream up to your face, and will literally carve a sad face into the ice cream to make you apologize quicker

and when you apologize he eats the sad face and draws a smile

sentimental cheeseball is all he is in that moment okay

“you really think I’m pretty?”

he looks at you like “...duh”

“I think you’re pretty too, Sannie” and he smiles so big :’)

and both of you know that this would be the start of a really happy relationship aww

Mingi:

I bet Mingi is the cutest drunk okay like if you thought he was a giant puppy before get ready you aint seen nothin yet

and you don't even get a warning before he confesses bc he says it so out of the blue

like his whole plan was to drink some liquid courage iykyk and then he was gonna confess

but he ended up getting a lil more tipsy than originally intended

and he just blurts it out and he’s stuttering and lisping and just struggling to get all the right words out

but you just think it’s super endearing

“Minnie, are you drunk?”

he starts blowing raspberries in the air and starts shaking his head “you think I’m drunk?” 

literally hiccuping after every word lmao

like yes, Mingi, I think you're drunk

still blowing incredulous raspberries all over the place

and you blow one on his cheek and he starts giggling like the baby he is

“why you do that”

“bc I like you too, Minnie! also you were starting to spit and I needed you to stop that”

he giggles and nods at you, just happy that you feel the same way

nuzzles his head into your shoulder and plays with your fingers for the rest of the time youre together

Wooyoung:

okay he’s a crackhead already so I don't even think alcohol would be something he’s even offered most of the time lmao

but when he is all hell breaks loose

no subtlety about his confession at all

like he literally screams it at you

he had been paying extra attention to you all night, which you didn't even notice bc you liked him too and never imagined he felt the same

so you’re like he so friendly and clingy when he’s drunk

but five minutes later he’s like “DID YOU KNOW IM IN LOVE WITH YOU”

and you’re so taken aback because

1.) he just screamed in your face

2.) he just screamed that in your face

and then he’s quiet and just staring at you, waiting for a response

you’re so dumbfounded that all you say is “you too”

but thats enough for him

“GOOD THATS AWESOME”

and thats basically the end of the conversation bc he gets easily distracted

you have to remind him the next day that that conversation had even happened actually

and he’s like “oh yeahhhhh”

then you’re able to actually talk about what you both feel and be almost normal for about ten minutes lmao

Jongho:

since he’s on the quieter side compared to the rest of the group, I think this shows even more when he’s been drinking

but it’s almost concerning how quiet he is

like if you had never seen him drunk before you’d probably be really worried

and that’s exactly what happened

you went to check on him to see why he wasn't joining in the fun and he looks at you, a little teary from the alcohol

or maybe he’s just deep in his feels who knows

we’ve all been there amiright

and he’s like “just like you a lot you know that?’

you’re like “I was most certainly unaware of that, sir”

and he apologizes??? like why???

“I like you too, doofus, why are you sorry”

then he smiles and means it for the first time that whole night

he feels like he could crack all of the apples in the world he’s so happy

side-note: he probably could break all them apples fr

so basically you just made him the happiest apple murderer in the world

he’ll break all the apples for you baby

[tartagliaxx]

first off, hello 🤷‍♀️ anon! sorry i missed you out

and secondly, dw, marius is my favourite too lol, he reminds me a lot of my younger cousin who i lived with when i was younger. i was always the one who took care of him and marius calling me older sister just set off so much memories of my childhood. the both of them are also vv similar in personality, attention seeking, playful and artistic so i always see him whenever i look at marius.

artem is probably my second favourite ngl, ever since i read his ssr where he was jealous and got drunk (what a good combination lmao) i just grew so soft for him. at the end of the day, he's just a vv soft sweetheart who's insecure that we'll leave him :(( i have like 3 ssrs at lvl36, two of them are artem cards and the other is luke. i vibe with luke too bc i love the childhood friends trope, it's top tier. and as for vyn... i have vv mixed feelings abt him. i feel like he could so easily see through me if he was real and i'm just like, how about no. he's rlly pretty though, like rlly pretty.

*major spoilers*

and you've finished the archon quests!!! personally, i feel like the ending felt a bit rushed(?). it's weird bc i thought the resistance war against the raiden shogun was supposed to be the center of the story, but it just devolved to us helping yae with the entire war being swept to the side. and i already knew somebody was gonna die, and as soon as i saw that teppei had become the captain, i just knew.

it's interesting bc i would love to explore what happened to la signora and scaramouche to make them so disregarding of human life. like, i don't like them, but i want to understand their minds. it's sad to read signora's artifact's background honestly. and the fact that her crown said she used to be called rosalyne, that she had perhaps once led a more innocent and naive existence. i dunno, to me it seems like a good ending for her honestly, she had already lost herself after her lover's death and brings pain to many others, i don't think she can rlly return to being her again.

and honestly, a lot of people are talking abt scaramouche not telling signora he already had the gnosis and saying that he orchestrated her death, i don't rlly think so. i feel like he's just that apathetic to human life, even if it's someone that stands on his side, he just doesn't care enough. it also says how he never got along with anyone, not even his fellow harbingers, so i don't know why ppl expect him to seek out someone he doesn't like just to warn her of danger.

i vibe with scaramouche and la signora as the antagonists bc they're good antagonists, but as characters, well. other than the fact that they're pretty, they have like one likeable trait and that is their loyalty. they would do anything for the tsaritsa even if it cost them their life. i'm rlly excited to see what the tsaritsa has in store for us in the future.

considering our sibling is nicknamed 'the prince/princess', i wonder if there's gonna be a day where we're gonna have to go toe to toe with them. if we had them backed them into a corner with no way out, i wonder if they would kill us. it would be an interesting twist if we could actually die, but i feel like the protagonist halo will prevent it lol and i'm sorry bc god, this is so long.

— r. anon

marius. that’s the tweet. man,, you dont realize how in love i am w him?? like,, this man was literally my only hope when i fell horribly sick. i cant w myself now that i’m hearing it w my own voice. it must be nice to remember the good ol’ days… i despise my cousins and i dont have siblings so i dont really have that sort of connection w him. to me, his onee-san is just a joke? a petname? idk but it simultaneously makes me so mad and giddy just like childe’s existence does

i like vyn bc his vibes are sus but at the same time, he’s cares abt our mental health 🥺👉👈 no one’s ever said shit like that to me… jokes aside, luke is seriously threatening his spot bc of his blushing bs like pls 🤲 i’m so weak for that shit give me more. artem makes me soft too like,, he keeps mentioning that he trusts us and he’s just…. HE’S A BIG TEDDY BEAR THAT BLUSHES AT LIKE ACCIDENTAL HAND BRUSHES GRRRR. in conclusion, i love them all.

but man,, give me ssr luck… literally, im in pain…

now that the excitement’s worn off, i can now judge things properly. i think that… the pacing is horrible. like the plot is good, genuinely, but there’s just,, so much to explore abt this. if you think abt it, this is the climax and yet we didnt get much. scratch that. we got a lot but it’s all underdeveloped that it felt like nothing. we go to sangonimiya, got promoted, became captain for like, one sec before we are sent onto an investigation that didnt really produce any results bc app teppei alr knows everything? and then the delusion thing is a good plot point but it’s not really explored? just… a lot of things are left unexplored and i think that story wise, a lot of the possible lore explanations went down the drain. it would’ve been nice if we saw more abt the rebellion and if we had gotten to know whats the real deal w the commissions but eh… idk… i would’ve rather done more quests abt this whole storyline than like… do that whole dance w the three people who lost their vision in 2.0.

if im going to be honest, la signora is such a wasted character. like maybe her death was just for the shock factor or maybe it’s to prepare us for more harbinger encounters in the future.. idk but she’s such a good character from what we’ve seen but we know jack shit abt her and her motives. we know a little from the artifact set but beyond that, what do we have?

precisely! that’s how i feel abt this whole thing when we’re talking seriously. like w ei, i dont really agree w whatever they’re doing but i want to understand why they do the things that they do. everything has a reason and their psychology is just interesting to me.

i think scaramouche’s nature makes it easy for him to disregard human life. call it arrogance or whatever but ultimately, he’s seeing himself as smth above all these people bc he’s more or less capable of standing toe to toe w a god. why should he bother telling signora? it’s not like he gains anything if he does. i think that when he got the gnosis, he’s just ‘well she dies if she dies. who cares abt that? i dont have any need for incompetent colleagues anw’ i agree and i dont think he orchestrated her death but at the same time, he just allowed it to happen too.

as for signora, i’m actually surprised? for the most part, i think that the harbingers took their posts for selfish reasons. for scara, it’s to entertain himself and pass time. for childe, it’s to fight and grow stronger. for dottore, it’s to conduct dubious research w/o anyone stopping him. i expected signora to have some similar motive like power or money but it seems like she does actually believe in the tsaritsa? it would be very intriguing if signora’s main motive in becoming a harbinger is simply bc she is loyal to the tsaritsa and her will. bc in contrast, i think scara and dottore are more loyal to the fact that the tsaritsa can give them what they want, not bc they actually like her. actually, idek if they’re willing to die for her lol. like i wouldnt be surprised if they suddenly abandon post in a life or death situation but who knows…

in any case, they are very good antagonists. i like yo think that the tsaritsa isnt as bad as the game portrays her to be… of all the gods, she’s the one im looking forward to the most but… haha… what version would that be….

i’m almost certain that they’ll make us fight our twin maybe before we face the unknown god? if one of them dies, i would be very sad. like legit. but knowing mhy, well, our twin is almost 100% a walking death flag.

anw i’m shutting up rn— i also spoke too much kahdjabdhakbsjansb—

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dearest, dont worry, ive been super busy with exams and auditions so i couldnt reply to this, super sorry ;n; but im here now so here we go!

mmm same, tasteful smut is preferable, tho rare. oh no! pls dont feel pressured to follow me on anything, i post very sporadically on that acc so you probably wont see much yet haha

hehe sometimes it just be like that. mmm real life isnt happy, so it makes sense that angst is more realistic, plus people are shitty /hj so its easier to have smth to base the characters and action off. but if angst is what you feel comfortable with, im glad you found it and you can write it so well!

yes i totally agree! they just suck you in, there is no escape. mmm indeed. i guess i just (and im sure you feel the same way) wish that they would be able to stick to what they are good at, and what they enjoy, rather than what will make them the most money and recognition

hehe i dont mind! im here if you wanna rant abt the amazingness that is he, i know the feeling of almost bursting from having to talk abt smth and not being able to :) yesss hes just so comfortable and familar even tho obviously we dont and can never truly know him. hes just like a good good friend. (albeit one whos abs we rave abt). :( ohh im sorry you were in a bad place, but its good that you were able to find something to help, im sure channie would be very happy to know he helped someone :) hehe i find myself listening for him in all their tracks, its a bit like felix in that its quite distinctive and very satisfying haha. YES seonghwa is just *wordless mouthing of amazement* mmm, its going to be super hard for them to top that, fever and drunk dazed were *chefs kiss* but hopefully theyll be better soon, ive been so worried abt all of them, with the whole covid thingo, especially nikki, hes only 15 and hes rlly sick away from his parents and his home :(( poor thing. man sunoo's immune system of absolute titanium, hopefully the rest of the boys are feeling better :(

yes i KNOW right. :((( huh i guess its strange cos i cant wait to get out of high school and ur wishing you could go back :') ahh that must be strange

oooh cool! ahuh yes, im sensing a type lol. ooh fellow jake, hyuka and lisa bias! for me, nikki and jennie are bias wreckers and im not super into txt but yES i agree, he always looks impeccable. i see what you mean with jake! hes got this kinda awkward charm from what little ive seen of him. mmm well... as a chan, seonghwa and namjoon bias, i can sympathise with having a definite postion type

no darling! they wouldnt be wasted at ALL. yes, you must tell me if you are ever going to leave here :((

but on brighter topics, i finished all my midterms and had my first therapy session this week so thats good! how are you feeling today? anything else you want to discuss? hope you're doing well :)

<3 w.a. 🐺

yoooo i was starting to worry about where you were but i remembered that you talked about exams. it's alright! take your time. also auditions o.O good luck with that!!

oh don't half joke people are shitty. they really are. funny how we talk about how we're talking about how angst is my element but i just finished writing a fluffy chan fic.

yeah :( i also hope that the money making thing wouldn't be their top priority but it's still a business industry so i get why the marketing is done that way.

i rambled to an irl about chan today so idt my head would explode from keeping chan chitchat in. chan is as safe space as an idol can get for me. i want to thank him for quite literally saving me in 2020 someday. it's the first thing i'll mention if i get to have a fancall with him.

i'm currently waiting for ateez comeback! i'm hoping deja vu won't disappoint bc the song isn't bad at all o.O it takes me back to my 2nd gen roots even. abt enhypen i heard 2 are back and posting? idt they got the worst of the symptoms + they're young and i'm sure their immune systems aren't too weak.

LMAO. it's because high school was a lot easier than uni so if i were to choose from the two evils, i'd choose the lesser one.

abt my biases? really? o.O bc i've always been told that i don't have a clear bias HAJHA. i'm glad we have a few similar biases <33 the definite position type HAJH you and my friends have the same thing going on. she's all for rappers tho.

i'll tell you if i ever choose to leave. i doubt it would be any time soon xd

congratulations on finishing all your midterms and i'm glad you got to go to your therapy session. how was it? i hope you're doing well. go and take care of yourself! reward yourself a little for finishing the exams :>

my feet and legs are sore as fuck. i've been dancing the whole day and i haven't been exercising a lot so a day full of just moving around kinda shocked me. i'll be sleeping in a few though so i hope i feel better in the morning.

[harrystylinslut]

my live in time review of Emerald Fennell’s ‘Promising Young Woman’ (2020)

Promising Young Woman

Dir Emerald Fennell

So hello friends welcome to my reviews. I type my pure, unfiltered (mostly) thoughts about movies. I call it ‘chey watches films’ and I promise it’s going to stop being so serious. 

My first film I decided to do this on is Promising Young Woman since it was a hit at this past Sunday’s Oscars. Which was amazing - btw. So, of course. Spoilers ahead. These were my thoughts as they happened knowing nothing about the story because I don’t watch trailers on purpose. 

“Boys by charli xcx are you fucking kidding me”

“20 seconds in and i already need fucking help this is so funny”

“This club scene im screaming” ~internally~

“This looks like a blast honestly god I miss clubs”

“Her bangs are so cute” - me abt cassie

“This lighting is so fucking sexy”

“Oh my god YES drunk car rides are the fucking worst”

“Wait is she just acting lol”

“Omg he’s gonna roofie her”

“The way she’s not kissing back has me crying” - was actually cry laughing a lil bit 

TW: bedroom scene ewie

“WAIT QUEEN I LOVE HER”

“Omg she’s so hot”

“It’s raining men omg lmao”

“I’m crying at this movie I hate them” - term of endearment

“I want to marry Bo’s character” - sorta 

“Not him being a foot taller than her”

“Laverne Cox is adorable and needs to wear a gold septum always”

“Luv cassie so much and the Make Me Coffee Shop” - very interesting name for a coffee shop

“That waist yes gawd” - showing her braid

“YAY IT’S BO - oh my god I love that shirt”

“Oh my god they even know each other that’s so cute”

“Interesting choice of name for Bo’s character”

“That flirting style…. I love it. Sorta enemies to loving yep” so endearing 

“NOT HIM DRINKING THE COFFEE WITH SPIT IN IT LMAOOOOO FUCK”

“She’s a fucking clown I love her”

“I love this actor” - about the coke scene

“Oh my god jesus fuck he is so cringe”

“Not shoving drugs in her mouth jesus”

“LMAO HIS NAME IS NEIL THIS IS SOOO STUPID NOT THE KISS….NEIL IS AWFUL”

“She’s so intimidating I love it”

“Oh my god this is ME”

“Cassie is so hot”

“Stealin hearts n never saying sorry”

“Ohhh this thunder is very cool”

“The guitar fuck no”

“Not her forgetting her 30th birthday omg”

“Jesus her Mom is annoying”

“Ryan is so hot omg”

“Whew he looks so good”

“Im laughing so hard Bo Burnham is such a talented actor”

“I love this actress ((Carey)) so much”

“Would have been a great doctor she just didnt want it bad enough ,, very relatable”

“Not him saying she looks like his daughter omg but like she can wear some badass heels and not be taller than him thats kinda hot though”

“Oh my god not sex on the counter JESUS SHE IS BOLD”

“She called him lover boy lmao”

“I hate it I hate it I hate that people dont understand people can be triggered by school I hate that kids even have to go through that”

“Omg the social media stalking that’s so funny”

“Ew yeah… I hate seeing awful people happy”

I

“This seems shady”

“Omg yes bitches get drunk”

“Lmao thats right feel BAD”

“Not her saying they want a good girl shut up stop being pretentious”

“People dont just forget that those things happen and it’s so shitty she’s just passing it off OMG GGGGG I HATE it”

II

“Yep she social media stalks everyone and it sucks seeing so many awful people being happy and not being served proper justice”

“Knew it knew what Alexander had done - they allude to it very well”

“Yep drunk at a party”

“The dean didnt take it seriously at all and passed it off as just some little mistake because she was drunk. People dont just shut up. Yes fuck his life up he deserves jail time - that’s so shitty oh my god”

“There can be a different fucking system we can protect people”

“This is a female Deadpool I fucks with it”

“Oh my god Cassie is CRAZY also is the receptionist in on it LMAO”

“Why do they not have a case file? Did they not file a report with the police? What the entire loving fuck why does no one remember anything about this?”

“This is beautifully filmed”

“Awe Ryan is being v sweet”

“Oh my god shes playing her game again WHHHY”

“Ryan is so protective omg that’s lowkey hot though”

“She’s so hot”

“I love this scene”

III

“Omg not his day of reckoning jesus”

“People have been trying to get him arrested for years jesus”

“Oh my god cops are so fucking corrupt this is so gross”

“I love how genuine he is I cant imagine cops that have had to go through that”

“Lmao I can relate to Nina so much I did so much shit to stand up for people I’m a professional hype man tbqh”

“Jesus I wouldnt just fucking move on either”

“Awe omg Ryan is there for her I love him”

“Oh my god they are so adorable my heart breaks for her so much”

“I wanna dance with Bo wtf”

“THE KISS AHHHH WTF”

“Come and fuck my life up PLEASE”

“Oh my god why am I crying lol”

“This family is wild lmao”

“He’s so freaking sweet”

“Love how Cassie isnt actually crazy people just truly are awful”

“Oh my god them flirting they are so freaking adorable I cant do this”

“THERE IS EVIDENCE WHY IS EVERYONE BEING THIS WAY”

“It sucks so fucking much”

“God everyone was so drunk though you cant watch though you need to help”

“I truly think people dont realize how serious it is Im glad this movie will help that”

IIII

“Um loving this orchestra version of Toxic”

“NOT MAX GREENFIELD LMAO”

“Her posing as a stripper so true”

“Hell no yes go girl bully these men”

It got very serious and uncomfortable so I skipped to the part where Max Greenfield’s character enters the room. 

“This reminds me of the Bo Dukes story”

“That’s really how it was - it’s so funny to watch these investigations how awful they are”

“You can just tell he’s lying just tell the truth plEATHE”

“God he loved her so much this hurts”

IIIII

“Max running away oh my god bitch where u going”

“I hope Ryan isnt turned in I dont think she would do that”

“YES ARREST HIS ASS”

“The necklaces Im cryin”

WHEW 100/10 I really loved that movie a lot !!!

ANYWAYS. I will write a more comprehensive review for the blog I wanna start or my podcast - but here it is!

[cowboyshit]

@adampage tumblr did a dumbass thing and messed up the read-more to where I couldn’t put it under one so I had to delete your ask and I’m making a separate post for this disaster of a ramble hoooo boy i hope you’re ready for what you’ve unleashed

adampage  asked: ma’am I know you’re high off your rocker but if you have time would you please critique hangman’s playlist for me bc I want to know your thoughts 🥰 anyway yeehaw

OH MY GOD yes???? yes I fucking WILL?????? let’s just pump the breaks on what i was doing right the fuck now, get his playlist in front of me (even though ive been listening to it nonstop and have so many things to ALREADY SAY) and talk about this shit. im sorry if this isn’t coherent im pry just gonna ramble. (edit to add now that I’m done: ITS FREAKING 3252 WORDS LONG LMAO OH MY GOD)

first and foremost. I Love It. let’s just slap that down. get that out of the way. ITS SO GOOD. SO FUCKING GOOD. also this is going under a readmore cause YEAH. it’s THAT LONG.

let’s start first with mr. adam ‘i taught graphic design when i was 20 and learned adobe illustrator and photoshop to design my own tshirts when i was an indie wrestler’ page’s cover image. wait. no. back up - look at the profile image he chose for his profile. it’s not a selfie. it’s not a picture he snapped with his camera. it’s a screenshot of the “has been drinking” moment on aew dynamite. what a lovable FOOL. he really saved that and put that as his profile pic im skjdfkjfd okay now swing back to the anxious millenial design with the signed hangman adam page for the cover. he designed that. I swear he did. I swear he did that. I could be wrong but I just feel it in my bones. that was him. also, THAT should have been the vintage shirt. cowboy shit is cute but ANXIOUS MILLENNIAL COWBOY? I NEED THAT AS THE SHIRT!

okay now let’s get into the songs. wait. before i go through it I do want to say something about the playlist overall.

I can’t decide if this is because he shares so many similarities to the character hangman adam page, but so many of these songs apply to his character like, this fucking playlist plays like a hangman adam page THE CHARACTER playlist. like this is the playlist i’d find on 8tracks back when that was the “thing” in fandom where every song makes me go “OMG THAT IS THAT CHARACTER” like. I don’t know if he did that purposefully as an extension of the character? or if it just happens to line up because of how similar he is and his story is to his character but SOME of these songs wooooo boy they get deep dont they? when you compare them to the character?

okay. songs.

so I know some of these, especially the classics, summertime of course, but for the ones I didn’t know I love them so much. they have such a vibe that just fits him, and they’re all so good???

rather low by nick shoulders is one I didn’t know and I fucking LOVE it. and look. it goes from Long Time Gone by the Dixie Chicks. Long Time Gone about being away from the country life, from home and if my THEORY is right about this playlist hitting the character, hangman is struggling with being lost, without a family. it goes from that to rather low, which talks about not being welcome at home. like “I told you once I told you twice, I’m steeped in verse and cursed in vice” ajdskjds GOOD lyrics. beat slaps. song slaps. I love it.

okay so we go roll on mississippi which is soft compared to the two upbeat songs that just hit us before. calms you down after that high energy beat rather low had. lets you breathe. AND it’s got a sad, soft, longing pull to it, falling in with more of those “lost” from home themes. “You're the childhood dream that I grew up on. Roll on Mississippi, carry me home. Now I can see I've been away too long.” UGH! and also, it’s just a good fucking song.

then we go to a song i haven’t heard and love, going places by aubrie sellers. it’s a little bit funkier, but still soft. also groovy as FUCK. and it obv talks about GOING places. so maybe the first three songs were about the home he’s left behind, but now it’s about where he’s going. and man this song just SLAPS.

A CLASSIC is next, 1970 something illegal smile by john prine. it has that classic soft croon, such a good country sound and it’s a little bit playful. it makes you wanna smile and sway back and forth. it’s a good song. fun. but it’s almost a little bit. dark? “ Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone. No, I'm just tryin' to have me some fun. Well, I sat down in my closet with all my overalls, tryin' to get away from all the ears inside my walls. I dreamed the police heard everything I thought, what then?” it just makes me think of when his character “killed” joey ryan. I could be looking too far into it but, that’s what popped into my head.

OKAY NOW this next one. fuck yeah I DIG this song. I hadn’t heard this song and it quickly went into my liked songs. and if we’re following his character, the lyrics hit HARD. “ I've lost the will to try this worthless lullaby. Its melody won't fly me past oblivion. I bet it would be nice to find that paradise, a world of sparkling light beyond the setting sun. But I don't dream anymore” ugh !!!!!!! UGGGHH!! SO GOOD?? and even the slight upbeat to it. “would if I could but I don’t dream anymore” uuuuggghhh SO GOOD. love this song. one of my faves of the whole list for sure.

the next two back-to-back are CLASSICS and fit the hangman adam page character so damn perfect. i’ve even looked at lyrics from merle haggard’s i don’t want to sober up to night for adam in the past akjfdkjdsf it’s fucking perfect. and then followed by dwight yoakam’s honky tonk man?! amazing. we go from from fucking heart-wrenching lyrics if you think about them for him: “ I don't want to sober up tonight. I don't want to act like things are alright, and I don't want to change just to make you think I'm happy. That's my right, I don't want to sober up tonight. I want to keep my mind a little hazy. I don't care if all my friends think I'm crazy. The way I treat myself I might be a little crazy But that's alright, I don't want to sober up tonight. I'm here to drown another day of misery. I'm in here to spend one night without a mem'ry and the way I'm drinking now there won't be any memory. But it's alright, I don't want to sober up tonight” to HONKY TONK MAN. HONKY. TONK. MAN. “ Well I'm a honky tonk man and I can't seem to stop. I love to give the girls a whirl to the music of an old jukebox, but when my money's all gone, I'm on the telephone singing, hey hey mama can your daddy come home?” ajhsdjksdjkf like. look. partying hangman, drunk, swinging a girl around in the country bar???? cause he refused to sober up and just wanted to have fun? anyways regardless if there’s a connection or if im reaching, these are some good classics to pull out right here. honky tonk man will ALWAYS bring the party back up.

another song I didn’t know but now love? happy reunion by colter wall? this is a good freaking cowboy song??? and it’s a cute story???? about what a cowboy does during his day??? what the fuck? riding along the range with his dog, helping the cow, getting the calf back that’d gotten lost???? CUTE? anyways this is a vibin as HELL song and if it’d come out when I was still raising cows my ass woulda been blasting this shit as I drove to feed the herd for SURE. this song is a whole ass vibe and I’m digging it.

okay. walk through fire by yola? another i didn’t know (which - so far it seems all the songs that arent classics - spare dixie chicks - are from 2019) and I am obsessed with???? it’s so good? and fuck just such a good love song??? “Standing on the side of the river. Staring across the great divide. I'd give all my gold and silver just to get to the other side. Your love is like a rescue vessel, carries me through the night through these flames of destruction. I know you're gonna make it right. I know, I know you're gonna save my life.“ LIKE? HENLO????????? FUCK!!!! THATS SO GOOD. that whole song I could post all the lyrics tbh. and the way she CROONS it ugh. yeah. I love that song.

FUCKIN YES. DOLLY FUCKIN PARTON. youre not gonna make a country playlist and not include a dolly parton song boy i KNOW IT. and the song choice??? hm? remind you of a CERTAIN COWBOYS STRUGGLE WITH NOT HAVING A HOME???? “What difference does it make which way I go, got an empty feelin' down inside. Still I need to stay alive and who can tell what waits beyond this road. I'm a drifter” ajdfshjsd god I love dolly. and of COURSE he does too. i’m so pleased by this choice I can’t stop smiling. ugh. love this. love dolly.

sandpaper oneside, rubber other by the bobby tenderloin universe what do you know? another 2019 song I didn’t know and yet absolutely LOVE. I also am loving how he does a mix of classics with newer (but still almost classic-country sounding, maybe like. classic meets modern) country music in this playlist. AND WHAT A SONG. it’s so good? and again, just makes me think of the character. “there are two minds inside me. that’s one life too many. but i keep moving slow on both sides, strong as I can be.” tell me that doesnt make you think of hangman adam page. and it has such a... sad vibe. “i cant believe the things i am. as much a lion as a lamb” !!!!!!!!!!! ugh such a GOOD LINE. THAT SLAPS. LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh this song. especially the back vocals of the woman that comes in later on? it’s like. ethereal. beautiful. fucking beautiful and almost haunting. paired with the sad lyrics? UGH. gorgeous.

long white line by sturgill simpson i do know and LOVE and it’s got a fun, uplifting cowboy beat following the more slow, sad croon of the last song. it’s SO COUNTRY. the way it’s sung? SO COUNTRY. and also ajdfskjsd adam. “I woke up my baby was gone without her I don't need no home” and “Gonna' push this rig 'til I push that girl out of my mind. If somebody wants to know what's become of this so and so tell em' I'm somewhere looking for the end of that long white line” kjdjkfdkjf this is just such a country song, and it fits SO well, especially after that previous pick.

now we go from two new songs to another classic. another (i think) 1970s country hit. lonesome, on’ry and mean is SUCH a classic country song. it has that good old sound, and the story it tells too. and just, I can’t stop thinking about hangman just “ Been driving these highways, been doing things my way. It's been making me lonesome on'ry and mean.” ajdskjflkf it’s fair to say that character IS lonesome, on’ry and mean right now. anyways, fun country song regardless and I DIG the addition.

okay back to a newer song and holy shit. this is my personal favorite of the new songs he introduced me to. this song I LOVE this song. fuuun FUN beat, makes me want to fucking GROOVE. I love love love this, and I love the way the singer sings? it just makes me wanna UGH. just wanna sway to it. the whine in the croon I just love. and the BEAT. the beat is so fucking good. and the lyrics? “I'm that wholesome Midwestern boy that you want to bring home to your mama. Even though I bring you joy, baby I'm not the toy you wanna play with at night. Too many things I've seen. Too many people and places I've been. I'm thinking about doing those things I shouldn't be doing. Something I've never done before. I want something to fuck me up. Need somebody to fuck me up. Everyone feels like it. Fuck me up, fuck me up, fuck me up” ajdsjkds I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH “Well I might go and get drunk and stoned 'cause it's better than being only crazy. If I ever come back, wherever I end up at is where I was supposed to be.” it’s so perfect for his character it drives me crazy. this is a song I’d listen to and first, groove to, and then be like THIS SONG IS HANGMAN. love this song. absolutely a favorite.

the next song though. the next song. fucking hangman adam page and his love of biscuits. southern biscuits by seasick steve oh. my. god. this BOY. THIS COUNTRY BOY. THIS BISCUIT LOVIN COUNTRY BOY. this is such a damn good addition. not only is it so fucking country, almost. spoken/sung? the soft hum with the fucking banjo??? and of COURSE of course he knows and loves this song I can’t with him. and it hits you with the: “ Southern biscuits, nothin' better in the world 'less they're made for you, by your southern girl.” and I go UWU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

two new songs so guess what? classic time. BALANCE. HE’S KEEPING BALANCE. I swear he’s done this purposefully and I could be crazy I could be giving him more credit than is due but I swear he’s picked the arrangement of songs too. because this is too coincidental. so, we’ve got our classic livin on the run by david allan coe. what a DARK song to go with. about a man who murders a woman and lives on the run (again, can’t help but think of the joey ryan murder thing, but hey. that’s just me grasping for straws) regardless if it ties or not, it’s a good classic and it’s fun to croon to even if its uh. dark but sung like. upbeat? almost???

okay, another classic and, to me, one of the sexiest songs on this playlist. I fucking love this song. it’s sexy with an underlying of dark. she literally seduces and knocks the guy out and robs him blind and he’s STILL craving her summer wine like. this song is SO GOOD. so fucking good. the way the music swells with the storytelling is beautiful. “Strawberries cherries and an angel's kiss in spring, my summer wine is really made from all these things. Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time, and I will give to you summer wine” is just so ajkdfskjdfs ugh i love this song

and guess what? two classics so we’re swinging to a newer song. left turn on a red light by blackfoot. oof. I didn’t know this song and it hit me, it’s so good and I know im saying that about all of them but Honestly. “ Sun shines down on the desert, and it seems to make my life a haze, and I dream of my childhood sweetheart,and the freedom that I had in those days.” UGH. “ Will I always be a rambler? Will the ones I love always keep tellin' me, "You stare too long in the mirror, son, someday you'll be too blind to see.” HELLO???? those lyrics? SO GOOD. and again applying them to hangman just makes me FERAL SCREAM.

cowboys and hippies by cody jinks is such a hangman song it’s almost unreal. if I was going to REALLY reach I’d say it almost reminds me of the way the crowd pulls him back. “At some old honkytonk bar that I know by the smell, some old drunk on a barstool on a Merle Haggard tune. That's my kind of room. Raising hell with the hippies and the cowboys. They don't care about no trends, they don't care about songs that sell. Yeah, tomorrow I'll be gone, so tonight everybody just sing along, raising hell with the hippies and the cowboys” GOOD LYRICS. this has the same sad undertones too as a lot of these songs have too.

ugh. I love him sincerely for this next one. blue skies is one of my favorite songs, but blue skies by willie nelson? YES. my grandpa used to play willie nelson ALL THE TIME and I love this version. an uplifting song to follow the heavier songs. I’d like to think of a hangman who has the blue skies from now on. all of his blue days gone. this song is such a classic (cover) that just. good pick. I love this.

alright, so we’ve got a classic but he’s chosen the version from bojack horseman which makes me think that might’ve been the first time he heard it, but that’s neither here nor there. stars is a BEAUTIFUL song. and boy am I happy we had blue skies before this cause fuck. how sad? how emotional?????? “People lust for fame like athletes in a game, we break our collarbones and come up swinging, some of us are downed some of us are crowned, and some are lost and never found” fuck. fuck fuck fuck. and the last two lines, thinking about hangman? “So if you don't lose patience with my fumbling around, I'll come up singing for you, even when I'm down.” FUCK. my HEART. good pick but OUCH. good but ow.

summertime by orville peck is next BLESS finally an orville song I was gonna lose it on him if he put a playlist and DIDN’T include an orville song. interesting though he went with summertime, the newest, and not any of the ones off pony. but! it follows stars well. its soft, lull, and the lyrics are so hangman now that I put it in this context. “Catch 'em by surprise and chasin' the horizon, nothing holds me down. Askin', "Where the time's gone?" Dreamin' with the lights on, tryna keep your eyes on something along the rise" anyways I know YOU know this song well it’s so fucking good. has that same soft pull a lot of these songs have. the way that chorus swells though? the secondary vocals??? ugh. yeah this was a great choice, I’m glad he went with summertime. it fits the vibe of this playlist so well.

we’re ending on a song with such a country sound to it (i mean all of these do), a bit more upbeat, a bit more funky. “Some say I'm a wild man, drink too much nectar from the corn” and also “Oh the school, it wasn't for me. I earned my stripes a different way I learned to sing harmony and go play out on the stage” definitely makes me think of hangman for SURE. it’s a funky song to end on, and if you keep listening to the playlist on repeat like I do, it even falls into long time gone really well.

and of course this is assuming you’re meant to listen to them one after the other and not on shuffle. I’m sure it still works on shuffle but I LOVE the flow of this playlist listening to it one after the other.

love this whole playlist. and my identifying it with the character could TOTALLY be reaching, but of course I’m going to think of him and analyze his selection of *these* songs specifically to put out to all of us. out of EVERY song he likes. he didn’t include... hmm cowboy take me away, for example? shoulda been a cowboy??? the vibe of the overall playlist FITS “anxious millenial cowboy” it has an underbelly of sadness to it. and I dig the fuck out of that.

overall 10/10 I love this fucking playlist thank you goodnight

[kinktae]

no idea if anyone has said this yet but i feel like kiri only told jk she wanted him to spite y/n and that she has no desire to get back together w him 🤭

bitchin 8 asks because i suck

spring2787 said: Pls tell me my son didn't do that to her in bitchin 8.... Ahhh.. Jeon Jungkook.. You dumb brat... 🥺

Anonymous said: You’re such an amazing writer, like damn you have SO MANY PEOPLE invested in your stories that you now have 1247294 people ganging up on jungkook and forming protection squads for y/n 🤣🤣 I’m so excited for what’s to come !!!!

Anonymous said: Ummmm.... I just binge read all of bitchin and let me tell you that it WAS LITERALLY THE BEST THING IVE EVER READ! I LOVE THE SOCIAL DYNAMICS BETWEEN YN AND JUNGKOOK AND I ESPECIALLY LOVE YARAS PERSONALITY

cheeky-kookie said: Hey bb just me dropping in to give my opinion on the Bitchin' Chapter because I havent done it yet & you know how whipped I am. JK did a big uh-oh and fucked up. Hes confused. Kiri came and it's what he wanted forever. My theory is that it probably didnt feel like what he wanted after the fact and that's why he met up with MC. ALSO, the MC is upset (understandably) but she cant blame him bc she has given him no hint that there could be something there. Overall, good chapter :) Still whipped.

Anonymous said: I "kombucha girl"-ed to y/n telling jk she would never fall for him but I've decided it's what she (bitchin!jk) deserves 😤😤

unknowntalesx said: oh my god that anon went off 😂😂 nd the other anon has a good point! he might be very confused and wanted to see if y/n had feelings but alas the dirty dickin was still dirtyyy, oh meathead, i lovE bitchin

yourdelights said: watching everyone freak out over bitchin makes me very glad that i decided to wait and read it all after it's finished. i'll still end up suffering, i'm sure, but i'll get all the suffering done in one shot. like ripping off a bandaid after wetting it first.

Anonymous said: Lmaooo I'm over here sipping on my tea, waiting for Yara to wear her black latex suit and give little Jungkook a visit.. Honey, you've got a big storm comin 🍵🍵

Anonymous said: I feel like Kiri is going to cheat on him again and THEN he'll finally have the big revelation that oc was the right girl for him all along

Anonymous said: the real question is: is kiri going to use what happened and jk “cheating” on y/n with her to hurt y/n 😶👀

yourdelights said: watching everyone freak out over bitchin makes me very glad that i decided to wait and read it all after it's finished. i'll still end up suffering, i'm sure, but i'll get all the suffering done in one shot. like ripping off a bandaid after wetting it first.

Anonymous said: Lmaooo I'm over here sipping on my tea, waiting for Yara to wear her black latex suit and give little Jungkook a visit.. Honey, you've got a big storm comin 🍵🍵

Anonymous said: I feel like Kiri is going to cheat on him again and THEN he'll finally have the big revelation that oc was the right girl for him all along

Anonymous said: the real question is: is kiri going to use what happened and jk “cheating” on y/n with her to hurt y/n 😶👀

Anonymous said: rose i really hope u know that we want to y/n to have an least a moment with taehyung in this goddamn fic called bitchin

Anonymous said: thank god we just ship y/n with tae in this house right

Anonymous said: we are going to beat jk’s ass after all that shit he did with y/n 😤 meanwhile i wanna say a very important thing: taehyung WOULD NEVER do that lmao bye

Anonymous said: Me after reading about what Jungkook did to OC in bitchin08: I hate to say it, I hope I don’t sound ridiculous, I don’t know who this man is. I mean, he could be walking down the street for little bitches who don’t know how to process their feeling and need to get their shit together before a pissed off best friend come to chop their dicks off because he couldn’t keep it in his pants, and I wouldn’t know a thing. Sorry to this man

anonbebe97me said: Please, for the love of God, update Bitchin’ soon. I literally felt it so bad when he admitted what he did. My entire heart collapsed. I cannot even. Your writing is so good- I genuinely laughed during so many moments in this series and you might be my favorite writer. Seriously, I love you

Anonymous said: bitchin’ is legit the best thing ive ever read

Anonymous said: Same anon who has a (metaphorical) hole in her chest now...This fic is written so beautifully and I feel like I didn’t express that in the previous ask... it’s too good and damn why I did I have to get emotionally attached to these characters because now I’m genuinely Devo 😪 but still looking forward to what comes next (whenever it comes :))

Anonymous said: Damn chapter 8. Of bitchin’...BROUGHT ME TO TEARS. But I know your a great author so I BEG IT WORKS OUT AND THEY GET BACK TOGETHER BECAUSE I AM TOO EMOTIONALLY INVESTED AND THERE IS A HOLE IN MY CHEST FROM THE ANGST OH MY

Anonymous said: So I was putting off Bitchin 8 for a little bit because I didn’t know if I could handle it. I don’t know why a fictional story has me so effed up, but it does. So tonight I read it and OMG now I’m all angsty and upset! Why do you do that to us? Suchhhhh a good fic and amazing writing, but whyyyyyyy must you make us feel this way. This boy needs to get his shit together and just love her already. My heart can’t take it. 🤦🏻‍♀️❤️

madjammil said: I am waiting with bated breath for part 9 of Bitchin'! Part 8 had me all distraught 😭

Anonymous said: Will Y/n fight Jungkook? 🤧😂

cuteipat said: Should I prepare tissues or not?

toomuchdaegu said: art 9 dropping on my birthday, that is very much adequate

sydney--chan said: Your new mobile theme looks really good babie 🥺🥺 I cant wait to get my heart stomped on again during bitchin' 9!!! You're the only person I'll allow to do that to me HEHE hope ur doing well luv u ❤❤❤

wallbitjch said: Bijj stop teasing us 😤😭 huuhu but thankyousomuch ok 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘💕 bitchin foreva

Anonymous said: fanservice is gonna be yara x tae i KNOW IT

Anonymous said: Fuck Jungkook. Stan Yara.

Anonymous said: YOU MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH BITCHIN' KOOKIE OMG until chap 8. 🤡 You nice keep going.

Anonymous said: so, either taeyara shit happens or y/ntae shit happens... bro lowkey kinda wanna have y/ntae just to piss jk the fuck off man like fuck u jungkook

Anonymous said: I can’t wait for this Bitchin update. You better heal my heart. After last time, I shouldn’t trust you, but I’m placing my heart in your hands once again. Don’t hurt me. Jk you’re the best. I love you.

Anonymous said: When I say I'm not ready for pt. 9 of bitchin' I mean, FUCKKKKKKKKK NO I DON'T WANNA CRY STILL CRYING OVER PT. 8 😫

Anonymous said: It's a shame to do this while i'm drunk but i just want you to know that i love you and i will probably Fall asleep when you Will post pt 9 of bitchin' but i really really love the way your posts and your writing make me smile, giggle and dmkdldldldldlldldldldl scream when theres no Word to descrinw how i feel. I love you, please, have a great night know that you maks my heart boom boom 🥺🥺🥺💜💜💜

cheeky-kookie said: I re read Bitchin' 8 and almost cried because Jungkooks heart was breaking slowly I just- Hes an idiot but he cares for MC

Anonymous said: if kiri doesn’t drop dead in this chapter imma take matters into my own hands 😡 also chop off jungkook’s dick, he doesn’t deserve it

paolaa9700 said: Don’t gonna lie, I hate you for making me wait for the new chapter of Bitching until 4am (in my country). But you think I’m gonna stay awake until that hour just for that? Well you are right cause I’m gonna freaking wait. I’m already so nervous oh my god, oh my god! I can’t put in words how nervous and happy Im 😂

Anonymous said: mskjxjsmksksdkdjndlskxjbfbjc i just read pt.8 of bitchin and eye- fuck why did you do that to me? 😭 (also i think i’m new here, but i just want to say i’ve been reading your work for almost an entire year and it never ceases to amaze me! 💗)

tinievmin said: YOUR NEW THEME IS SO CUTE OMG!!! Also, I’m so excited for bitchin’ pt 9 but I’m terRIFIED THAT ILL STILL BE MAD AT JK ))):

rebekahoofblog said: im READY for pt 9, got my reminder SET. bitchin makes me wanna draw jungkook until i pass out boutta make more fanart i love ur writing the most 💞💞have an amazing day