#sorry if this was unhelpful; it's the first time I've been asked for my take on interior design explicity! very cool

[rimouskis]

As someone who is getting their first non-student apartment and is very confused about setting up space, any tips for low budget interior decorating that isnt catalogue beige?

first: congrats!! that's a huge deal and incredibly exciting.

second: I think setting up someone's space is a really personal endeavor that depends heavily on the person living in said space and what they need out of it. advice isn't one-size-fits-all when it comes to the look of your ~abode~, and that doesn't even account for wild variations in taste.

third: I don't know if my advice is great for everyone; I have never bought furniture for myself 😅 I still sleep in the same bedframe that I had when I was a child, haha. my couch was a hand-me-down from an aunt (and is threadbare as proof); as for my table, I took from my cousin who was going to dump it on the curb; the thing my TV rests on isn't a console but rather the top section of my childhood desk that I've repurposed, haha. I hauled it all with me to my apartment when I moved lol.

that being said, all of that furniture isn't, like... nice stuff.

everything I have is scratched or scuffed or worse for wear. I think my TV is as old as dinosaurs (I inherited it from my dead great-aunt's house sale). I have to fight the second drawer on my dresser to get it closed every single time, since I've had that dresser since I was born. the only "nice" piece of furniture I have are the sideboard table my dad and I made by hand during quarantine, and the plant stand he made as a birthday gift and drove out to me a year or two ago.

while I think those pieces are really lovely and improve the space, I think the fact that the rest of my shit is pretty old and "Not Nice" actually speaks more to the stuff I did have control over, especially on a limited budget. you don't need expensive "nice" furniture to have a nice space. at all. trust me.

I think the key lies in surrounding yourself with things you like. I'm really big on art and have accumulated a lot of it over the years, everything from handmade simple pieces from relatives to cheap mass-produced prints to signed photography from an art fair [that was a moving-away gift from my parents]. give yourself time to discover stuff you like. your apartment doesn't have to stay the way it looks when you move in. I bought a new print in seattle just last year and hung it up, and I adore it!! allow yourself to see things you like, and collect them.

don't throw away decor just because you feel like you should have outgrown it. I kept the tapestry I hung up in my college dorm and it's now hanging on one of my walls, and I still like it just as much as I liked it back then, even if it's seen as a sort of ~juvenile~ decor style. [not to mention I have a flag hanging on one of my walls lol which SCREAMS "I studied abroad once:)" energy but I still love it :') and it reminds me fondly of my trip and how much I grew as a person/traveler]

keep surfaces clean and clear, and put Fun Found Objects on them. I remember when at my old job we all had to do this goofy workplace organization training and one of the beginning assessments was to figure out what your ~gathering spaces~ were in your own home, and my boss literally didn't believe me when I told her I only had 2 hahahaha. CLUTTER 👏 STRESSES 👏 PEOPLE 👏 OUT 👏 !!! my key to not allowing clutter is I only have ONE space where I'm allowed to put "where the fuck does this go" items (it's my table, since I rarely sit at it) and everything else has its place and needs to go there. that means I'm a fan of shelves and bookshelves, and the benefit of insisting upon shelves is you can put useful AND beautiful things on them so they look nice while also being functional. like, I've got a lovely navajo vase from the museum of native american history sitting on the same shelf where I keep my headphones. since I rarely host, I use a cute serving platter and matching dip bowl as a post-it note station on the surface of my sideboard table. those things are pulling double duty! they're useful but I've made them look cute, you know?

if you can keep plants alive: get plants. they're so great. they make your place look alive... and it's nice taking care of something :') if you need unkillable stuff, go with a snake plant and pothos plants. they have never failed me.

I've always had a really strong sense of surrounding myself with stuff I like. I can do that tastefully (the print of a cute painting of penguins in my entryway) or I can do it distastefully (the fuckin'... sid shrine of penguins goods above my work desk lol, which is truly the spiritual successor of the wall of my childhood bedroom that I filled with newspaper articles on twilight and pictures of the characters printed off of the family computer ahahaha), but...

I think people appreciate authenticity. whatever art or knick knacks or objects you possess (and enjoy), if you curate your space so it just... is comprised basically only of those things, people notice and they like it. even if it isn't to their taste, they can see you in that space, and they often find it cool.

tl;dr find a way to put your personality onto your walls and you'll do just fine!

[stilljuststardust]

Hey my sister wants to shift, she’s 13, what is the most basic “here’s what you need to know and never listen to shifttok” song you’ve got for her?

∘₊✧Explanation✧₊∘

Thanks for the ask! I'm sorry this took me so long I've been having some health issues.

Disclaimer, please read:

There are SO many different perspectives on how it works. Mine is not the only one and though all perspectives are valid, I'm going to assume that you chose to ask me because you are familiar with my blog and how I personally view shifting.

I'm going to try to leave LOA out of it but that is how I personally view shifting.

What is shifting?

Shifting is when you become aware of the life you're living in another reality. The reality you shift into is just as real as the one you are currently in. It will feel real because it is.

How to shift

Strictly speaking, you don't have to do anything to shift. How people shift is so personal and customized and nothing is necessary to do it but I'll try my best to give "instructions" anyway.

You decide you're in your DR, you decide that it is true and it has worked, ignore anything outside of yourself that tells you otherwise, and know that it is true because you freaking said it was.

You decide you've shifted and ignore anything but that decision. That is IT. Don't worry about this reality, it doesn't matter. Don't worry about any aspects of this reality you can still hear see or feel, they won't stop you from shifting don't let them distract you.

ALL you have to do is become aware of your DR. I know that it can be hard to conceptualize that for a beginner so most people use methods.

Methods

To start off: It is not necessary to have a method. Many people just intend to shift and then they do. That's it. You don't have to do anything, however I recognize that for someone who isn't familiar with shifting "just intend to" is probably an unhelpful answer.

Most methods can be divided into two categories, awake and asleep methods.

Awake methods revolve around becoming aware that you are already in your DR.

Asleep methods revolve around becoming aware that you will wake up in your DR.

Common features in both kinds of methods:

Meditation

Visualization

Affirmations

Affirmations are pretty straightforward, you repeat a sentence that aligns with your goal over and over. "I have shifted. I am in my DR."

What I personally do

I robotically affirm all day "I am going to shift tonight" robotic affirmations are just repeated affirmations without feeling. So all day I just say it to myself again and again.

I then take some time to sit down and imagine my desired reality, my favorite street, pretty things I would see throughout the day, stuff that grounds me in the feeling of it.

Then I just lay down and tell myself I'm there no matter what. No matter what I feel hear or see I am there.

Doesn't matter I'm there.

Frequently asked questions

I am choosing to put these first because I feel like they really clarify what shifting is and how it works.

Will I have memories of my destination reality once I have shifted?

Yes, you have always existed in that reality and you have a life's worth of memories there. When you become aware of a reality and of the version of yourself that exists within it you also become aware of your memories there.

How does scripting work/ what is it?

It is a description of the reality you'd like to shift into, usually written. Think of it as an the address of the reality you'd like to shift to. You specify the details of the life you would like to become aware of. Having one is not necessary.

Can I script [insert anything here] ?

Yes. You can script anything, and I mean anything. If you can imagine it, it is possible. The realities we shift to do not have to follow the rules of this one and what is impossible here doesn't have to be impossible there. You want to script the sky is purple? Then it is. You want to have wings? Congratulations you can. I cannot stress this enough, ANYTHING you want can be scripted.

Relevant posts

Your desired reality already exists

An old post of my own shifting routines nothing listed is necessary, the list exists to give ideas not instructions

How to visualize

A good post on shiftok misinformation by my awesome mutual

[good-chimes]

THE H.T.G.Y. FILES

Project team notes: Vat growth stage has been successful. Please note project is titled Human Tactical Ground-unit Y (H.T.G.Y.) and this is the only designation that should be used. Lab technicians who continue to use slang term hotguy will be written up.��

Senior researcher CUB-135 has been called in to consult. Please give him access to all non-sensitive files.

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

HTGY: Well, hello there!

CUB-135: Hi. How’s it, uh. How’s it going?

HTGY: How’s it going? Huh, that’s the first time someone’s asked me that. Wait a minute. I know that one. How’s it going. Oh, oh, I got it. It’s going great!

CUB-135: …Cool.

HTGY: Yeah. Yeah. Isn’t it great to be alive and awake? How’s it treating you?

CUB-135: It’s magnificent.

HTGY: [laughing] Magnificent. Oh, I like that. Who are you, my friend?

CUB-135: I’m a consultant. Cub-one-three-five. The project team dragged me in because I wrote the genome.

HTGY: Consultant…. So you’re the one who does their thinking for them, huh?

CUB-135: [surprised laugh] Yeah.

HTGY: Well, I’m telling you, they need it. Buncha people prodding me to see if I can stand up! You can just ask that, can’t you? A man’s gotta have space, Cub. A man’s gotta do things under his own steam.

CUB-135: Yeah, I guess. Yeah.

HTGY: [conspiratorial] Here’s a question. Got a lot of things in my head, Cub. The ol’ memory’s all messed up. I’m new, right?

CUB-135: You’re new. That’s right.

HTGY: I thought so! How new?

CUB-135: Uhh… three days? Three days and two hours.

HTGY: Thank you! Finally. Can’t get a straight answer out of anyone here.

CUB-135: …you want your genome notes?

HTGY: Boy, do I! What’s a genome?

CUB-135: Uh. Okay. Let’s see what we can do. I need some files. A lotta files.

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

HTGY: Oh, we have to stop.

CUB-135: Yeah?

HTGY: That noise means I gotta be somewhere.

CUB-135: Mm.

HTGY: Just more prodding and check-ups, I guess. Can’t take long. Come back, okay? I'll be here, at least I guess I'll be here. I've been here all the time so far. Tomorrow?

CUB-135: …

CUB-135: Alright. Tomorrow.

+

DEATH COUNT: 1

+

Project team notes: First trial (subject vs two skeletons obtained from Lab 2E spawner) did not meet expectations. Subject (H.T.G.Y.) is slow to grasp the basics of hand-to-hand combat despite neural implants. Speed below benchmark. Precision poor. Regeneration not fast enough to alter outcome of combat.

Although a disappointing start to the project, there are promising leads in some areas. Combat abilities expected to improve through repetition. Deficiencies in combat conversely allow better collection of regeneration data.

Subject observation: when returned to room, subject spent six hours seated and unmoving. Scheduling next test for tomorrow.

+

[CUB-135 OBSERVATIONS]

note to self, find a way to phrase: ‘he was a project for faster injury regeneration, you fucking amateurs, nothing in that genome makes him magically good at fighting’ in a way that doesn’t include the phrase ‘you fucking amateurs’. difficult problem. 

going back in. this one will be less fun.

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

HTGY: Hey, it’s Mister Does-The-Thinking! Cub, hey, Cub!

CUB-135: Hey.

HTGY: You’re looking serious today. What’s up?

CUB-135: I’m good. I’m good.

HTGY: That’s what I like to hear. Can’t have the big-brain guy down in the dumps.

CUB-135: How was yesterday?

HTGY: Ohhh. Yesterday, Cub, yesterday. I don’t think I’m that good at fighting. There were a lot of very unhelpful skeletons, Cub. A lot of them! Really mean! I think it’s going to be regular. I am not looking forward to that.

CUB-135: Mm.

HTGY: Any chance you can make it, y’know. Fewer monsters? They hurt.

CUB-135: Sorry, man. I don’t set the tests.

HTGY: Naw, I didn’t think so. You don’t look like a guy in charge.

CUB-135: Is that right?

HTGY: You’re just, you know [hand gesture] … laid back. I like that about you.

CUB-135: Uh.

HTGY: So. Cub. Cub, Cub, Cub.

CUB-135: …yeah?

HTGY: I’ve got this thing in my head. The sky.

CUB-135: The sky? Like… all of it?

HTGY: I dunno! You people put some pictures in my memories when you made me, I think. Horizons, clouds—I know they’re made of water, but how does that work? I saw a bit during the fight and it was kind of grey? Talk me through clouds, Cub. You’re good at explaining. And the rest of it! Where does it stop? What’s above it?

CUB-135: Oh, dude. Let me tell you… let me tell you about space.

+

To: +Team_Members_HTGY_Project

From: CUB-135

Y’all,

I looked at your trial notes. Project lead asked for my thoughts. My thoughts:

- inefficient; - could get the same regeneration data from tissue samples; - waste of skeletons.

You want to find another way. The combat unit thing was doomed from the start. If you want a supersoldier you should start over with a ravager.

have a real one,

Cub

+

Project team notes: One-month project milestone. Consultancy from CUB-135 has started to be more of a problem than an asset. Unfortunately he is the only one who understands how to process the regeneration data so assistance remains necessary for now. Upskilling of team analysts in progress.

Test continue. H.T.G.Y. has been given a variety of weapons and results range from abysmal (sword) to mediocre (bow). Subject has so far lost to every creature put in front of him. If the combat goals of this project are to be met, a better training regime will be needed.

On a separate note: great interest from sponsors in mid-combat regeneration data. A variety of tests has been requested.

+

New data storage links: EXPLOSION (creeper) – File CR93; FIRE BURN (wood) – File FR02; FIRE BURN (other) – File FR03; BLOOD LOSS – File IN20; VENOM – File VM07, UNCATEGORIZED – UN45-UN51.

+

DEATH COUNT: 23

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

HTGY: You know what the problem is?

CUB-135: I can guess?

HTGY: I’m so bored.

CUB-135: Okay. Didn’t see that coming.

HTGY: I’m so bored. Honestly, I’m bored most of the time. Except when I’m getting killed, which isn’t great either. Or when you’re here—you know I appreciate you, Cub, you’re a great guy, don’t get me wrong. But you’re only around every couple of days, and it’s the bits in between.

CUB-135: Mm.

HTGY: Can’t you clone yourself, or something, and leave one here?

CUB-135: Nah, outside my specialism. Hm. You talked to Mumbo much? Mumbo’s always around.

HTGY: The lab system?

[null]: Hello. Can I answer a query?

HTGY: Oh, hi, Mumbo. Yeah, I’ve talked to Mumbo. But let’s be honest, he’s not much of one to start conversations. I can never think of things to ask.

[null]: What I can communicate to subjects on this level has been restricted by administrators.

HTGY: See?

CUB-135: Get him to show you… I dunno. Cat videos. Space stuff. Forests. They won’t have locked that down.

HTGY: Forests. Yeah! Okay. Mumbo?

[null]: I’m allowed to show pictures of forests. How’s this?

HTGY: Look at that. So green. So many trees! How close is that picture from here?

CUB-135: Kinda nearby, I think. Looks like a research shot from where they caught the spiders. Lots of the wild subjects in here came from close by.

HTGY: Amazing. Hey, Cub, can you get them to take me to a forest? Tree training! Beat the spiders in their own home!

CUB-135: Why not? I’ll ask.

HTGY: They’ll say no. But it’s good to think of it out there.

+

Project team notes: Six-month project milestone. Useful data continues to accumulate. HTGY has improved with bow and crossbow, and survival rate has risen to one in ten encounters.

Unfortunately, a new issue has arisen in subject cooperation. Most tests are set up to incentivize survival, making attitude irrelevant. However non-lethal tests require participation, which has previously been forthcoming from the subject, until yesterday when he refused to participate at all.

CUB-135 seems to have a rapport. Suggest he talks with subject to encourage better attitude. This would be the first useful thing CUB-135 has done in weeks.

+

DEATH COUNT: 97

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

CUB-135: Hey. What’s up.

HTGY: Oh. Hey.

CUB-135: Not feeling it today?

HTGY: I knew it. I know why you’re here. I know why they sent you to talk to me.

CUB-135: Try me.

HTGY: It was a cat, Cub. I’ll take the fights. I’ll take the training machines, they break half the time anyway. I’ll take the spiders and the skeletons and the creepers and the fact I know way too much about what my bones look like. But I’m not shooting a cat! I don’t care if it’s safe target practice. I’m not doing it!

CUB-135: Yeah. Okay.

HTGY: …

CUB-135: So what do you wanna talk about today?

HTGY: You’re not gonna try and convince me?

CUB-135: Naw.

HTGY: Cub, I’m not shooting anything that’s not trying to kill me.

CUB-135: Yeah, I know.

HTGY: You know?

CUB-135: I read your test notes. I can guess.

HTGY: Aw, you read my test notes? You care! Don’t pretend you don’t, I can see through it.

CUB-135: What can I say. You’re an interesting guy.

HTGY: I knew it! Oh, hey, Cub, you know what? I came up with a new name for myself. What do you think—[dramatic hand gesture]—Scar.

CUB-135: …

HTGY: Cool, right?

CUB-135: Scar. Yeah. It’s cool.

+

Project team notes: CUB-135 entirely unhelpful. Schedule escalation meeting with bioprojects lead.

+

[message log start]

Lead (bioprojects): Well, you got what you originally wanted. You’re off the HTGY project.

cub-135: wait, what?

Lead (bioprojects): You’re no longer permitted in the labs on that level. I need you to turn in your badge for reprogramming.

cub-135: oh man

cub-135: here’s the thing

cub-135: i lost it

Lead (bioprojects): You lost your BADGE?

cub-135: yeah i’ve just been following people through the access doors

Lead (bioprojects): That’s against all policy. I don’t think that’s even possible. How do you get lunch?

cub-135: cheat code on the cash register. up up down down A B.

Lead (bioprojects): You’re not funny. Find your badge and turn it in to get your HTGY level access revoked.

cub-135: oh yeah. i’ll get to that.

Lead (bioprojects): You’re lucky you’re good at your job.

cub-135: just trying my best here, man

Lead (bioprojects): No interference. If the team complain to me about you again, you’re getting demoted to junior lab tech. Leave the project alone.

cub-135: sure boss.

cub-135: you got it.

[Lead(bioprojects) has disconnected]

+

Project Team Notes: Eight-month project milestone. Sponsors pleased with regeneration data. Two papers have been published to modest but positive reception.

After period of progress with HTGY’s survival rates in combat, improvement has levelled off. Subject appears to have less energy for reasons that are unclear. Random observational checks found subject watching cat videos at all hours of the day. Changes in diet and test structure have been tested to no effect. Rest time has been experimentally increased.

+

DEATH COUNT: 167

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

HTGY: Hey, Cub! Long time no see!

Cub: Yeah, sorry, man. Some admin bullshit.

HTGY: Your badge looks different.

Cub: Made it myself. How’s the tests?

HTGY: Oh, let’s not talk about those. You know what, I actually decided I’m not going to remember something if it’s not worth it. All the fights are the same and they keep doing them. So! I’ve been thinking. Cub. Cub. I want a cat. Can I get a cat?

Cub: …

HTGY: Just a little one. I’ve seen some options. Mumbo has pictures. 

Cub: Dunno, dude. I can try. Might be tricky.

HTGY: [sigh] I guess you’re right. It…wouldn’t be happy, would it? Yeah. We can’t have that.

CUB: Sorry.

HTGY: No, no, it’s all right. I don’t want to make something unhappy. It was just a thought. 

CUB-135: What’s on the screen?

HTGY: [brightens up] Oh, this? Dude, I wanted to show you this! Mumbo has this drawing program where you can build houses. This is my idea for a forest house. I think you could do it with three kinds of wood and you could have, you know, all these trees over it. What do you think? I mean, I know we’ll never see a forest. But imagine it in your mind.

CUB: … You know what, my friend, you’re really something.

HTGY: Why thank you. You could say the same of yourself—come on, Cub, don’t be shy. Take the compliment!

CUB-135: I don’t—

[silence]

HTGY: Don’t what?

CUB-135: [abruptly] I dunno how much more I can take.

HTGY: …

CUB-135: I—what am I even doing? What are we doing? There’s nothing to change. There’s no way to change anything.

HTGY: … You could get me a cat.

CUB-135: I can’t! I can barely get around the access readers! I can’t even get into the project files! Ten years of research and I feel dumb, Scar, I could solve everything until I couldn’t. What would you do if you weren’t in here? Man, that’s such a stupid question. I don’t even know what I’d do if I wasn’t in here. My references are gonna be shot. Maybe I should have paid attention to something else, maybe I should have done anything else—

HTGY: I’d like to see some forests.

CUB-135: Huh?

HTGY: You said ‘what would I do’. I’d go and see some forests.

CUB-135: …

CUB-135: Forests, huh.

HTGY: Anyway, that’s not going to happen, so I guess we don’t want to waste time on it! They need you here. And you guys need me here. Right?

CUB-135: …

HTGY: Right, Cub-one-three-five?

CUB-135: Y’know something, Scar? Sometimes I think you do more thinking more than you let on.

HTGY: Huh? Naw. Why’s your badge gone red?

CUB-135: Oh shit. Shit. I gotta go.

+

[message log start]

cub-135: listen boss

cub-135: first you bump me off the HTGY project, and now i’ve just had my name taken off the ravager patent. that’s my own work.

cub-135: this keeps happening. it’s not okay.

Lead (bioprojects) : CUB-135, for the last time, this was what you signed up for.  It’s the same for all researchers. You have to put the time in while you move up the ladder.

Lead (bioprojects): Have you just noticed this is how the whole laboratory works?

cub-135: oh

cub-135: i’m noticing

cub-135: i’m noticing lots of things about this place

Lead (bioprojects): Good. If you have an issue, focus on your work and get promoted.

cub-135: yeah, see, actually

cub-135: if nothing changes, i’m going to leave. and i’ll take all my intellectual property with me.

Lead (bioprojects): Hah! Check your employment papers; you’re on a 10-year contract. It’s watertight. And even if you could get out of it, you’re banned from taking paper or data chips out of lab grounds.

cub-135: yeah?

cub-135: okay.

[cub-135 has disconnected]

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

CUB-135: Hey. Scar. Scar.

HTGY: Cub! What’s with the doohickey? It—oh, wow. That just zapped the light. Amazing.

CUB-135: Mumbo, lock transcript.

[null]: Transcript locked.

CUB-135: Okay. So. I made this thing to hijack the redstone gate down by the Drowned spawners on Lab 3B. It screws up the signal so you can get through. There’s a reservoir behind it. I put in a bubble elevator that will take you up outside the walls. I’ve got to stay behind to take out the cameras while you do it. Then I’ll get out with the evening shift.

HTGY: Wait, so I just take this and run? What if they find out about you?

CUB-135: If you do that I’m screwed, man. So don’t tell them.

HTGY: Yeah?

CUB-135: …Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. You could turn me in.

[silence]

CUB-135: Maybe you should. Yeah, all right. I guess, just—oh.

HTGY: Relax! Anyone would think you’d never had a hug.

CUB-135: …

HTGY: My friend. My friend, we are going to see some forests.

+

[AUDIO TRANSCRIPT]

HTGY: The speed! The precision!

CUB-135: Whew. Man. You did nearly drown.

HTGY: What’s important here is that I didn’t, because I am an elite escape artist. And you got out too, so I guess we can share the title.

CUB-135: We’re not far enough to say that yet. I’d bet we’re still in range of the lab systems.

HTGY: Details, details.

CUB-135: You’re bleeding.

HTGY: Oh man, I know, that was from the last test. It doesn’t matter.

CUB-135: Give me that.

HTGY: Fussy! What are you, a grandpa? Ow.

CUB-135: If you don’t stop and let me fix it you’re going to lose that finger. And I can’t grow it again when we don’t have the redstone vats.

HTGY: You were never this fussy before.

CUB-135: Yeah, well. Who even did it?

HTGY: I don’t…

[silence]

HTGY: Huh. Cub, you know what, I don’t…remember.

HTGY: Hey, though. Who everything filed and stored like a nerd? Who needs all their memories where we’re going? We’re getting out! Onwards!

[silence]

HTGY: Cub. Cub.

HTGY: Don’t look like that.

HTGY: It wasn’t your fault.

[silence]

CUB-135: Scar, I dunno what I’m doing.

HTGY: I’ve never known what I’m doing.

CUB-135: [laughs] You are…something, my friend. You are something.

HTGY: We don’t know what we're doing. And that’s amazing. Because aren’t you excited to find out?

+

Author's note: Hey, thanks for reading to the end! There's a better formatted version of this on Ao3 under username glossyblue. I've got a lot of this au but thought this stood alone well enough that someone might enjoy it. Hope you enjoyed, have a great day.

[screeblees]

Haihaiaihaihi!!!! I reallllllllllllly like ur Angry Yan x comfort reader drabbles!!! I'm someone you'd call an absolute night owl, and maybe even someone with a big mouth. I'm always up for saying what I liek and fighting people I think are dumb. (Verbally. Most of the time.)

At night, (if the day hasn't beat my ass) I'm an insane lunatic who rambles to herself. think of me like a cat. very judgy one. (but if the day has beat my ass and I'm crying on the floor i'm just going to sleep in my tears) (jk no tears cowgirls don't cry/j)

TL;DR: I'm a bitch and I like to yapp, but I love going insane at night and talking and rambling like there's no tomorrow. That or I'm out cold like ice. There's no in-between. (btw kinda willing)

sorry i wrote this at 12:56 am and I am sick so I feel a bit silly nyahahah just a little nayahah

MEOWWWWW bounCES OFF YOUR walls very politely.

If you can't make sense of my gibberish please tell me and i'll rewrite it later when i feel more sane.

Hii!! Thanks so much for the ask (and for the very polite meows and wall-bouncing :3)!! I hope I managed to correctly translate your stream of thoughts <3

Angry ! Yandere Headcanons here !

Sorry it's been a bit since I've posted!! I get pretty busy this time of year so I've been writing where I can!

But please still send asks, I love receiving them!! :D

Find my Masterlist here !

Please enjoy!!<33

❥ Angry ! Yandere who cannot help but be in awe of you as he listens to your extensive ramblings of your topic of choice, the two of you have all the time in the world after all!

❥ Angry ! Yandere who was initially worried your talkative nature would be replaced with a shell of yourself when he first took you as his, but very quickly - as soon as you woke up, actually - that that would not be the case and found himself thrilled to hear your defiant words (he would soon teach you, but this was a great first step in your adjustment!)

❥ Angry ! Yandere who cannot find it within him to be made angry by your words, (almost) no matter what you say - at least towards you, other people on the other hand are an entirely different story - even with your extreme lack of filter, which makes him more lenient with you than he would in other areas (making back-talk your only real way to be defiant). Although this can change at the drop of a hat if his mood is already rough, that forgiving attitude being nowhere to be seen even with that usually tolerance.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who immensely enjoys not needing to punish you - it makes him proud that the two of you have come so far since he first brought you here - his moods are made even better by your chatterbox personality which supplies him a near-continuous source of peace, basking in it.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who takes great pleasure in the sound of your voice, especially when he’s falling asleep while you stay up for hours, long into the night. Your babble like white noise or pleasant rain sounds for him (and only him) to fall asleep to.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who doesn’t mind if you stay up late playing video games or working on a hobby - as long as you can sit on the bed with him whilst doing so as to let him sleep on or near you.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who minds immensely if you are the type to get up and move around a lot, needing to be up and moving not only takes the sounds of your voice move farther away from his ears but it stops him from being able to loop his arms around your waist or rest his head against you - this will only end in you being tied up and unable to leave him, which may be uncomfortable but he’s too busy cuddling you to sleep to notice.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who will put his foot down if he feels your staying up late is having negative effects. He’ll disallow caffeinated drinks and tie you to the bed at night but if you’re still unable to sleep then he’ll go straight to the sleeping pills to solve this issue, having zero patience to try any more methods which he feels will be unhelpful.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who loves the nights all energy escapes you (naturally, without the pills) and you are left practically passed out wherever you had decided to sit that evening, leaving you very pliable for cuddling without the rope or bindings in the way.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who feels pity for his Darling when the struggles of the day come crashing down a little too harshly, leaving you teary and unwelcome to the idea of moving from your chosen spot on the basement floor.

❥ Angry ! Yandere who either just scoops you up from the floor, depositing you on the bed and joining you for a cuddle-fest or joins you on the floor with some blankets and pillows, ready to get comfy where you are. He hopes to provide an ounce of the comfort you provide him by the hour just from being in your near-presence...

[vodika-vibes]

would you also write for Jaster Mereel (jangos adoptive dad, at least in legends I think)? There’s not that much information about him so I totally understand if he ist un-writeable but I really like him and thought I would ask 🤭

Matching

Summary: You decide to surprise Jaster. Unfortunately, neither of you are so good at talking.

Pairing: Jaster Mereel x Reader

Word Count: 1220

Warning: Dumbasses don't know how to communicate, and make assumptions.

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni

A/N: Asking me to write for my absolute favorite Mand'alor who has ever mand'alored? Oh, twist my arm why don't you, lol. Also, this story was very easy to write, probably because I've been mentally writing it since I got the ask.

Divider by Saradika

You’ve been in a relationship with Jaster, the actual Mand’alor, for years now. Technically you’re dating, but that doesn’t feel like the right term when you’re raising a kid together.

Technically, Jango is Jaster’s kid, but he calls you buir also, so-

And Jaster’s about as close to perfect as you would ever expect from a romantic partner. He’s kind and considerate. He’s respectful, and he doesn’t make any demands.

Well, no demands that you aren’t willing to give into, at least.

And you love him. Of course you do. Enough to put up with the bullshit that is Mandalorian politics (though you’re personally of the opinion that anyone who’s willing to put up with Mandalorian politics is a few crayons short of a full box). Enough to put up with childish temper tantrums, (from Jango) and threats against your life (also from Jango, though that hasn’t happened in years).

And yet, in spite of all of that, in spite of all the years together, Jaster hasn’t once asked if you’d be willing to say the riduurok with him.

If you were any less confident in your relationship, you’d worry that he was leaving himself a way out. But, well, raising a kid together. And you suppose you could ask him, but he’s the kriffing Mand’alor.

So you think on it. You bounce some ideas off your closest friends (“Dump him.” One said. “Fight him for the title of mand’alor.” Said the other. You really need new friends).

Jango, however, thought about it for a whole day when you mentioned your minor concerns to him, and he said, “Maybe buir is waiting for something showing that you’re interested?”

“What?” You asked at the time, “Is raising you not proof enough?”

And he just grinned at you, before he ran off.

So with that super unhelpful help in the back of your mind. You thought about the situation long and hard. Over the span of weeks. And you know that your distraction has caused more than a little concern in Jaster, but, as ever, he never pushed.

You really do love him more than life itself.

And then an idea came to you. Late one night when you both were getting ready for bed. There, tattooed over Jaster’s heart, is his clan sigil. You teased him about it when you first started dating, asking him if he was afraid that he would forget what clan he belonged to, but now it was giving you an idea.

So, early the next morning you wake with your alarm, drop a kiss to Jaster’s cheek and inform him that you won’t be back until late, and to not wait up.

And though he looks like he wants to ask where you’re going, he holds his tongue, and  you hope it’s because he trusts you and not because he’s afraid to know what your answer is.

Your destination. The one, single, tattoo parlor located in the area.

And, true to your word, you don’t return home until late that night. A new tattoo inked into your skin between your shoulder blades, and covered by a bacta bandage.

Jaster is already asleep when you slip into the room. He doesn’t stir until you slide into bed, laying on your stomach and wrapping your arms around your pillows.

“Mm…cyare?”

“Go back to sleep, love.” You whisper, as you slide over to him and press a feather light kiss against his temple.

He blinks at you, sleep fading from his gaze as he takes you in. “Welcome back.” Jaster murmurs.

“Sorry it took me so long.” You reply, “I did mean to be back before now.”

He opens his mouth to say something, hesitates, and then smiles, “Well, I’m glad you got back safe.”

“Of course.” You sweep your hair off your back, the sensation uncomfortable against the bandage, and you rest your head on your arms, “How was your meeting? With Kryze, right?”

“Uneventful,” Jaster replies, as he rolls onto his side, holding himself up on his elbow, “I’ll give you a full rundown tomorrow, if you wan-” He stops mid-sentence, his gaze snapping to the white bandage on your back, “Are you hurt?”

“In…a manner of speaking.” You admit with a sigh. “It hurts, but it’s…self-inflicted?”

“What?!”

“It’s…” You sigh again, that was the wrong word, “It was supposed to be a surprise,” You grumble, “Go ahead and take the bandage off. You’ll see.”

Jaster sits up completely, and you feel his fingers, light and warm against your bare back, as he carefully removes the bandage.

And then he stops.

Stops moving, stops breathing even.

You turn your head to glance at him, “Jas?”

His fingers glide across your back, and ghost over the new tattoo, “That’s my clan sigil,” He says faintly.

“Well, yes. I suppose I should have asked if it was okay before I did it…” You mumble. 

“That’s…cyare, that’s a rather telling show of loyalty.”

You scoff, “I’ve been sleeping in your bed and raising your son for years, Jaster. I think my loyalty is pretty solidly locked in.” You squeak in surprise when you feel his lips against the middle of your new tattoo.

“You never showed any interest in tattoos before.” He murmurs against your skin.

“Yeah, well…” You shrug, “I was beginning to wonder if you weren’t asking me to say the riduurok with you simply because you wanted a way out, so this is my way of saying you’re stuck with me, I guess.”

“...cyare, I never asked you because you never seemed interested.” Jaster says slowly, as he lightly flips you so you’re looking up at him.

“Why would you assume that?” You ask.

“Because we had a whole conversation about it, and you said that it was an outdated tradition-”

“When did I say-” You stop midsentence, and you stare at him incredulously, “You mean that conversation we had right about you turned 20 and the day after my long term boyfriend broke up with me?”

“Yeah.”

Your head flops back on your pillow and you laugh, “Jaster, cyare, I love you. But you are the dumbest smart man I’ve ever met.” You grin at him, “That was me being bitter, Jas. I was hurt and angry, and you were the only person willing to listen to me. I didn’t mean any of it.”

“What about the part where you said you wanted to push your ex into a star?”

“Oh. That I meant.” You reach up and caress his cheeks, “I already plan to spend the rest of my life with you, whether or not we end up married. But nothing would make me happier than being your spouse.”

Jaster exhales slowly, and he leans in to press his forehead against yours, “Was beginning to worry that you found someone else,” He admits quietly, “You’ve been so quiet these last few weeks.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I wanted to surprise you.”

“I’m surprised. And happy.” He kisses you, slow and deep, “Mostly happy.” He adds in a low murmur, and then he shifts so he’s kneeling between your legs, “Are you in pain, cyare?”

You smile at him, small and sensuous, “Not so much that it’ll detract from what you’re planning.”

He grins and pins your hands to the bed next to your head, “Good.”

[mixtape--oh]

Sorry, I Love You – Changbin

Changbin x childhood friend Lee Chaeyeon, circa March 2020

When Changbin felt he might fall into the same pattern as his two hyungs, he decided to ask them for some advice.

"Wait, so you actually have feelings for her? Like, actual feelings?" 

Chris pushed Minho, who was starting to giggle, by his shoulder not so kindly. "Yah, don't be so mean!" 

Changbin rolled his eyes at his second eldest hyung, who made little to no effort to stifle down his laugh despite Chris' previous assault to his shoulder. "Just because the two of you were successful in turning your long-time friends into lovers doesn't mean others will succeed too, you know. 

"But how will you know if you don't do it?" Chris asked. 

The hyung got a point, Changbin had to admit. But, "There's just so much at stake, you know? We've been friends since we're very little – our parents are even still giving each other Christmas gifts every year. I don't want things to get awkward between us." 

"So that's why you never did any dance challenges with Chaeyeon," Minho wondered once his laughter receded. "You've only done them with Chaeryeong." 

"But it'll only get awkward if she doesn't feel the same," Chris pressed on, ignoring Minho's unhelpful comment. "Which, again, you won't know if you don't tell her." 

"But I don't have any reasons to believe she feels the same," Changbin pointed out. "It's just too risky. Chaeryeong and Chaemin are practically my sisters by now, how would they react if I asked out their unnie out of the blue? How do I even start?" 

"Be a man and man up," Minho provided, not much more helpful than his previous remark. "I kissed Iris on our very first date. That's how you be a man and man up." 

This time it was Chris' turn to roll his eyes at the second eldest. "But you had considerably less to risk than Changbin, though. If Iris weren't interested, you both could just move on with your lives. Your families didn't even know each other." 

Minho hummed. "Fine, fair point. What made you brave enough to ask Bora noona out, then? You've known her family since back then, right – didn't you worry it will ever get awkward?" 

"Not really because I already knew she feels the same," Chris explained. "We've both known how we feel for each other since way before I asked her out, it was just a matter of whether we want to actually try it out or not." 

"What finally made you sure that you want to make it work with the noona?" Changbin asked. 

An involuntary smile broke on Chris' face, one Changbin often witnessed every time the leader talked about his precious fiancee. "I realized she means too much for me to not do anything about it, you know? I thought if it didn't work out, at least I've tried." 

"That's a framework you can adopt, Changbin-ah," Minho chided. "If she means that much to you, then you should try. The question is, does she?" 

Changbin didn't answer for a while, long enough for his two hyungs to start talking about something else – which he didn't pay attention to, too busy with his own mind. How much does Lee Chaeyeon mean to him, exactly? 

Truth be told, he wasn't sure himself. He wasn't sure when exactly he started seeing Chaeyeon as something more than a good friend, but somewhere along the way he's sure he'd picked up some feelings. Along the way, going to the movies with her was more of an excuse to see her rather than to see the movie. Along the way, chatting up Chaeryeong whenever they crossed paths in the JYPE building felt more like trying to get her approval for him to make his move for her sister. 

Those feelings he'd picked up were still far from love, he knew. But were they enough for him to man up and confess to her? Were they enough to risk his friendship for – not just with Chaeyeon, but most likely with her two sisters as well? Were they enough for him to want to take things further with her? "Probably not," he muttered to himself with a heavy heart. 

He sure had feelings for Chaeyeon, but it was not strong enough for him to act on it and risk his valuable friendship with her. At least not yet, anyway. 

When he looked up, both Chris and Minho were staring at him with a concerned look. "He's still thinking about Chaeyeon," Minho stated the obvious. 

Chris gave Changbin's shoulder a sympathetic pat. Then his eyes suddenly lit up. "You know what might help you figure out these things?" 

"What?" 

"Putting them into lyrics. You're always very good in breaking down feelings into words – even feelings you don't realize yet. Maybe it'll help you decide on what you want to do." 

That actually sounded like a good idea, Changbin thought. So he reached for his phone, pulled up his notes app, and started writing. 

coming up next Find the anthology of Changbin & Chaeyeon and the rest of Stray Kids here!

Minho's "I kissed Iris on our very first date" can be found here, if anyone's interested.

[aces-drew]

Hi! I just wanted to drop in and say that I adore your two Nace fics so much to the point that I have probably reread them about 20 millions and if you ever want to write for them again I would be more than WILLING (and to tell my soul) to supply you with a slew of ideas because I have plenty <3 your writing is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!!

hi anon, you have no idea how often i think of your ask and how much i've come back to it since you've written to me. i hope you're still around and still somewhat part of the nd fandom, and that the series finale was something you could enjoy and be satisfied w! truth be told i fell out of the fandom at the end of the third season, it was for a lot of reasons - personal and just the time passing, and with it also came half-baked word docs of nace fics i started but never really got around to finishing. and i never wanted to answer your high compliments with the answer of never considering to write for them again, and in all honesty i forgot my written drabbles in a folder on my laptop for the better part of the last two years. but i went through it on a whim today and actually found something i think is worth sharing, and since your message has stayed with me, i'm going to post it for you and you only, as both a thank you and im sorry i couldnt really give you more. writing for nace was one of my greatest joys in a truthfully very difficult time in my life, and im so glad it was as special for you as it was for me! so here's almost 5k of nace being in their pre-relationship, best friends in tension phase dated to the 21st of dec 2021 - it's certainly not my best work and may seem a bit half-baked, but there is so much love in it, and its happy and sad and hopeful all at once, and reading it again with fresher eyes, it would've been a shame for it to rot in my gdrive with no audience, so yeah thank you for reading this my dear anon. i hope you like it, take care!!

***

Ace let out a soft mumble of a curse under his breath.

‘Florence, this is not the time girl.’

The exasperation in his tone was refreshing to Nancy. Rarely was Ace ever off-centre; he was always the one who held down the fort, who grounded everyone, and especially her, to whatever it was they were working through at any given time. So the fact that car trouble was what got Ace ticking made her chuckle.

And among other things, she had to admit how adorable it was – his brows creased in annoyance, hands resting on his steering wheel, fingers drumming on the small surface in agitation. (Nancy tried to force herself to look away when her mind started to focus on how long and sturdy his fingers were in comparison to the lining of the steering wheel, ignoring the unnatural hike in her pulse).

Nancy observes his leg start to bounce restlessly in its place, his growing frustration rivalling Nancy’s ease. He looks at her through the rear-view mirror, sparkly blue eyes that seem to brace for her remark knowingly, ‘You’re not allowed to say I told you so.’

Nancy playfully clicks her tongue, ‘I told you so.’

He groans in response, but there’s only levity in his tone. When she looks at him amidst her unhelpful giggle, for the briefest of seconds, she sees a ghost of a smile on his lips.

‘Okay I’ve got Earnie on speed-dial, he should be here in like 45 minutes.’

He looks at her readily, waiting for her to take a jab at the fact that he’s on a first-name basis with the Horseshoe Bay’s finest mechanic and tower of cars, but she chooses not to indulge him.

With a small smile, she pulls out a pack of skittles and crinkles it open, offering him a hand-full of carelessly assorted yellow skittles in ceasefire. He looks at her in mocking question, ‘You think giving me my favourite colour of skittles is going to convince me into giving you a pass on the next 45 minutes where you tease me about this incessantly?’

Nancy smiles the brightest smile she can manage, teeth barred like a girl scout selling her cookies door to door, ‘Yep.’

He concedes, nonchalantly shaking his head and turning over the skittles from her hand to his, ‘You know me too well.’

(Nancy ignores the way he touches the pulse point on her wrist when he transfers the candy onto his own hand, how his fingers ever-so gently wrap around her entire wrist, electrifying the skin under his touch).

They sit there chewing in comfortable silence - on the candy as well as their thoughts; it had been a long day. They were heading back from another dead-end lead on de-tangling George’s soul from Odette’s, and though it had been a long shot, the sting of failure extinguishing the little hope that had slipped through to everyone in the group at the beginning of the day was subtly unrelenting. Nancy tried to keep the fear at bay, closing her eyes to refocus away from the painful pulses lightly throbbing at her temple. She couldn’t even think about reliving George’s death again, but the image of her bloodied body on the floor of the Claw re-emerges without permission, and along with it comes bile up Nancy’s throat.

In an attempt for comfort, she reminds herself of what George had to said to them when they regrouped at their cars to drive back to Horseshoe Bay, ‘I’m a fighter guys, and I live every day with intention, I’m happy and in love and I have no regrets. We’ll figure this out.’

She recalls George’s soft smile at Nick, her smirk at Bess when Addy asks for the two of them to carpool back alone together, her hugs for Nancy and Ace – she reminds herself how good it feels to relish in the warmth of her best friend. Taking a few deep breaths, Nancy wills for it to make her feel a bit better.

A gentle tap on her shoulder gets her to open her eyes again, and before she can turn to face Ace in question, she finds herself enamoured by the starry night sky looking down on her through the upper windshield. She wonders how she hadn’t yet noticed the glimmering specks of silver tattered against a canvas of cloudless navy blue, both beautifully and terrifyingly spanning the expanse of her entire eyeline, nestled between tall, dark oaks and pine trees on either side of the road they were currently grounded to.

‘You have to stop worrying about her, we’ll solve this too, we always do.’

That snaps her focus right back onto Ace, and she realises that despite the fairly long drive in darkness, the reason her attention had been obscured from the remarkable night sky was because it had been elsewhere, particularly on a concerning distraction that had been sat next to her this whole time.

She studies him, not rushing her response. She registers the way his lips have come into a fine line in resolve, starkly different to the smile lines that had lifted the plane of his cheeks just a few minutes ago, how the flecks of grey within his clear, sky-blue eyes zap like lightning, reflecting the twinkle of the stars above him – confident, persevering, determined. Her chest expands at how his expression still emanates warmth, a still of comfort when her mind is too convoluted to function, to find the gravity below her. Looking at him, she doesn’t necessarily blame herself for not noticing the night sky.

‘I hate that you can read me.’

She finds the grin in his eyes before his lips, ‘You have to stop being so predictable.’

She mock-scoffs at him, ‘Says the guy who knew his car was going to break down but was too stubborn to back down from subjecting it to a long road trip anyways.’

He takes his turn feigning hurt, ‘Touché.’ He chuckles, ‘Nancy – 1, Ace – 0.’

She sobers up at his still subtly insistent stare, he doesn’t want her to drop the subject just yet but he doesn’t ask again; his delicate push gets her primed enough to voice her thoughts, ‘I can’t watch her die again.’

She hates how her voice fails her, vulnerability and fear lulling her to a whisper, as if she’s afraid the universe will hear her. Ace responds with a shaky breath, returning to her gaze with the truths she’s been trying to convince herself with, ‘We’re trying our best. We’ll get there, and we’ll find what she needs.’

His eyes don’t waver from hers, ‘We can’t live in how her death is something we can’t avoid just yet, you heard what she said Nance, she’s living her best life day after day, and we owe it to her to do the same.’

He says his words with such conviction that Nancy lets out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding, (she tries not to melt at how his nickname for her drapes itself so softly on his tongue). ‘None of us will ever give up on her, on any of us.’

She lets out a small smile in understanding, a tear escaping to her cheek before she’s able to get a hold of her glossy eyes. For a spilt-second Nancy sees his fingers reach out for her, possibly to wipe the tear away, but he stops himself, and Nancy tries to ignore the way her stomach hollows out at his reluctance. Instead, he gives a genuine smile in return. 

Before the slight awkwardness can stew between the two of them, Ace speaks up softly, clearing his throat, ‘Alright, come on.’

He gestures to the trunk of the car as he gets out of the driver’s seat, and open’s the passenger door for her to follow him; she wordlessly steps out despite her confusion. The cold wind hits her skin immediately, passing through the soft sleeves of her sweater as if they weren’t even there. She hugs herself, tracing her hands up and down her upper arms to create some insulation.

Ace opens up the trunk and unzips a large duffel bag, pulling out three blankets and two cushion pillows. Taking the especially woolly chocolate and cream checkered throw, he swings it over Nancy’s back and gently swaddles her, ‘Better?’

‘Better.’ She responds, warmth immediately encapsulating her. Before she can ask why they’re outside his car in uncomfortably cold weather, he explains, ‘The stars are out tonight,’ he says looking up, ‘I thought we could kill some time while we wait for Earnie, and a distraction wouldn’t hurt the both of us. Two birds, one stone.’

Nancy follows his eye-line and stares at the sky, ‘Definitely.’

Within five minutes, he lays out the largest blanket he has onto the hood of Florence and sets down the two pillows for them. Forgetting the added weight of the throw, she grabs his hand to get onto the surface, and predictably, loses balance almost immediately, tripping to fall face first right onto Ace’s chest.

Before Nancy settles into how mortifying it is, Ace’s arms instinctually wrap around her waist and secure them in place, his chest reverberating the chuckle he adds to the night air.

Her shoulders loosen, and Ace looks down at her with a smirk, a glint of mischief within those blue eyes Nancy adores, ‘Comfortable?’

‘Shut up.’ Nancy groans, and Ace readily manoeuvres her waist to help her rest next to him, the two of them fully laughing now. (She ignores the way his fingers come into contact with some bare skin on her hips when it happens, a result of her sweater hiking and the blanket falling on top of the both of them when she fell; she tries not to focus on the imperceptible movement of his thumbs against her exposed skin).

As they recover from their laughing fit and Nancy settles more comfortably onto her cushion, shoulder to shoulder with Ace, they both find themselves looking up at the incredible vastness above them. Away from the other’s gaze, and suddenly incredibly aware of how small they were in this expanse of time and space, Nancy feels almost blindingly comfortable with Ace, willing to tell him anything if he asked.

Ace seems to get the same idea, ‘Okay, game time. I give you a story and you give me one in return, could be prompted by a question if either of us have something specific to ask, but otherwise it’s free rein.’

Nancy considers the proposition – she supposes it is dangerous territory, and that she would be tiptoeing between everything she wants to disclose and keep hidden, especially because she was already so comfortable leaving her heart at her sleeve with Ace, but ultimately the urge to get to know Ace better wins her over.

‘Okay,’ she agrees, slightly hesitant, ‘But you start, since you clearly have something in mind.’

She sees him nod in her periphery.

‘My mom used to take me star-gazing to help with my anxiety,’ Ace says, his eyes focused on the sky. ‘I couldn’t sleep after what happened with my dad, and there were a good few weeks where he was comatose in the hospital, and I couldn’t get that image of him out of my head every time I closed my eyes.’

‘I stayed up for like four days straight after the accident, hopped up on energy drinks and just gaming or coding night after night, getting by on twenty minute naps that would just happen because my body was so exhausted,’ he sighs, seemingly disappointed in his younger self, ‘It wasn’t long before my mom noticed the bags under my eyes and asked me to explain myself - I just broke down, told her how his limp body was all I could see if I let my mind rest for even a second. That’s when she invested in Florence, a seemingly temporary rental at the time,’ he chuckles fondly, ‘and every night my dad stayed in the hospital after that, she took me up to the bluffs so that we could see the stars as clear as they were in Maine.’

She imagines a young Ace, so scared of his father not coming home that he wills himself to become his own problem, shielding himself the only way he knows how, and finding himself unwilling to depend on anyone, even as a child. Even though the irony of how similar they are is not lost on her, it hollows out Nancy’s chest.

She can’t also help but find small comfort in the karmic coincidence that the bluffs were somehow similarly significant in both their lives – a place rooted in contentment equally as much as trauma. Nancy wonders why fate sometimes writes in intricately entwining strings so cruel when it comes to her.

‘She pointed out all the constellations, and eventually I learnt them too, and her explaining everything would send me to sleep. It was a lot easier to close my eyes to the stars instead of a dark ceiling, and she always said ‘It’s okay to be afraid, but when you are, just look up, and you’ll be reminded of how vast and complicated this universe is. And if you can believe in that, you can believe that things will work out for the best’. And that hope? That hope has weirdly never really left me, no matter what’s happened since then.’ He finishes.

Nancy can tell that his voice is thicker, and she doesn’t push to ask him why he thought she should know something so intrinsic about him. She breathes it in nevertheless, savouring a piece of his past that has been delicately placed in her hands, an olive branch for her to know him better.

She decides to take him up on it and share something that’s been kept in the dustiest shelves of her own heart, ‘That day the Aglaeca came to claim us, I actually fell off the bluffs.’

Nancy feels him turn his face to her in surprise, the only thing she’d told them was that she’d almost tripped over - she’d never considered talking about the truth till now; she pushes on, talking at the stars, ‘I kept screaming for help, but obviously nobody came. I was meant to die there, just like my mother, and for a second, before my survival instinct kicked in, I almost let go… almost wanted to let go,’ she feels her voice wobble, unable to carry the weight of her words, ‘I felt my own weight on my fingers, felt them give, and I was so tired, so I almost let go… instead of choosing to try and climb up.’

She had never admitted that to anybody, least of all herself, but it felt liberating to do so, to be overwhelmed in how enormous all her trauma seemed at the time, ‘I think it’s because I’d felt helpless for a long time, I didn’t know how to be somebody that other people couldn’t depend on, and I couldn’t get the conversation, or fight, we all had out of my head,’ she adds quickly, with a hollow, humourless chuckle, ‘but I did, I did climb up, and when I looked over at the sea, sitting there, all alone, I wasn’t necessarily glad that I had. I still felt empty, even when I knew we survived.’

Verbalising the last admission felt like a tonne of bricks on her shoulders, but it all came out in a few short breaths – like domino after domino falling in a way she couldn’t really stop once it started. She’d felt so small in the face of everything she’d been through, and even though she knew that life is always the right choice, and she’s convicted of that that definitively now more than any other time in her life, it wasn’t something that came intuitively to her that day. Her introspection is cut short when she realises that Ace has fully turned to face her now, and she struggles finding the courage to look at him.

When she does, the pain in his glassy eyes knocks the wind out of her, ‘Nance, I-I-, shit. I’m so fucking sorry Nancy.’

His voice breaks, faltering as he sits upright with his apology. She follows, sitting up cross-legged next to him, ‘Hey, hey,’ she insists, resting her arm on his bicep, willing him to look at her, ‘I wasn’t done… You know what helped me through that? What made me realise that it had obviously been the right choice?’

Ace’s stormy blue eyes look back at her, and he seems to recognise her desperation for levity, ‘Therapy?’

They both chuckle, cutting through a little bit of the tension, ‘Yes, of course therapy,’ she agrees, ‘but unlike therapy, this isn’t something I’ve had since I was eight.’

She takes a deep breath, hoping her persistent eye contact conveys the principle she that she grounds herself to, ‘It was all of you. Seeing you that day when I walked into the Claw that night? With Bess, and Nick and George? With your relieved smiles, and hugs that were insistent on making sure I knew how glad you all were that I was alive? That’s what rushed all that relief into my body. For a spilt second, the Aglaeca highlighted all of my trauma so that I couldn’t see through to the love I was given, and yes, it didn’t help that we were our worst selves that day, fuelled by fear and regret, but when I’d gotten back into my car and drove back to the Claw, I knew. I-’ she drew another breath, trying to gain coherence; there was so much she had to say about that night, so much she’d packed away into a tiny little box in her mind, ‘when I walked in that night, I knew that I’d made the right call, that from then on, whatever near-death experience I was going to get catapulted into, I would always choose to stick around.’

She could feel her throat closing up a little, her voice thickening, ‘The love that I’ve gotten from all of you, and now even Ryan, has changed my life, and it has forever changed the trajectory of who I am, and I whoever I’ll be, and that’s something I’m only grateful for. I know I don’t tell you all that enough, but seriously, I am so, so grateful.’

The tears fall down Ace’s cheeks freely now, and in the vortex of them under a beautiful night sky with their hearts strung out in the open and them alone in between the woods, his reservations seem to lower just enough. His other hand comes over the hand of hers that’s still resting on his bicep, and he intertwines his fingers with hers, a soft whisper following, ‘Still, I’m sorry, what we said was really fucked up, there really isn’t an excuse for it. We all made the decisions that got us to being prophesied to die that night, and it wasn’t you. Nance, you didn’t bring us to our deaths like lambs to slaughter, it was on us, we chose to be there.’

It’s his turn to pierce right through to her heart through his gaze, conviction steady in his words, ‘You are not a cause, and you are not an omen. You are anything but that. And honestly Nancy, I don’t even fucking know what I’d do with myself if we lost you that night.’

Nancy feels relieved in a weird way, the vindication is anything but hollow and ingenuine, it feels good. She laughs lightly, trying to mask a little bit of the subtle discomfort she feels; she knows the sentiment would be undeniably the same the other way around (except Nancy knows that’s partly also because she can’t really comprehend the enormity of what Ace means to her, how he was somehow so much more than a friend), the heaviness in his tone makes the implications of the statement much more intimate that she’s ready to decrypt. ‘Well at least George wouldn’t have died.’

And there it comes, that exasperated ‘Nancy, using humour to cope with your trauma is not funny’ face comfortably settling on Ace’s expression before she’s even done with her sentence. She chooses to laugh it off again (and pretends not to notice how Ace’s fingers tighten around hers perceptibly more).

Neither of them lets go of the other’s hand, and Nancy eventually lays back down on her cushion, with Ace following suite, ‘Okay on a lighter note,’ she refreshes, ‘where do you see yourself in 10 years?’

He hums in thought, ‘Uh, I don’t really know, haven’t thought much about it really.’

There’s an awkward hitch to his voice, and Nancy knows he’s picked up on her picking up on it, and he concedes into a slightly more nuanced response, ‘I’d like to have the standard stuff y’know?’

She looks at him pointedly, ‘The standard stuff?’

He avoids her gaze, ‘Yeah, the standard stuff. I’d like to be in love, and if I’m lucky, possibly even married. And yeah, eventually something like two kids, a white picket fence, y’know, the whole thing.’

The response surprises Nancy for some reason; it’s such an open admission of domesticity, and she unintentionally pictures herself with him in his ideal.

‘You think it’s dumb.’

She’s frayed from her thoughts, and registers that she’d been quietly daydreaming for embarrassingly longer than acceptable, and that Ace perceived it as the opposite of what she was currently thinking.

‘What?’ Nancy tries to steady her heart beating frantically in her chest, the enormity of mapping her entire future with Ace now settling swiftly on her shoulders.

‘Oh my god, you totally think it’s dumb.’

Nancy tries to think through what feels like her brain is melting, ‘I do not think it’s stupid Ace, come on. It’s endearing!’

He looks at her unconvinced. She tries to centre herself, refocusing from the image of two toddlers with his wonderful hair and her fiery eyes, she looks up and away from him again, ‘I’ve always wanted at least two kids too, I never had any siblings, and I’ve always thought that companionship is really important when you’re young. A boy and a girl… would be nice to have someday.’

When she meets his gaze, there’s something indecipherable about them. She tries to not to let how intensely he’s looking at her waver her in staring back at him (but it’s hard, she feels her stomach jump to her throat).  

The finally, he speaks, ‘At least two huh? Never pegged Nancy Drew for the big house, big family type.’

There’s a hint of an endearing tease that laces his tone, and she knows it’s meant to annoy her; she chooses instead to be honest, ‘Yeah, actually.’

A small smile of satisfaction finds her lips as Ace’s eyes widen for just a second, ‘You’re not the only one who wants the standard stuff y’know,’ she says, imitating the tone he’d used, ‘I would also really like to be in love, married even, and settle down. Maybe here, maybe somewhere else. Either way, I definitely do want a legacy. And what better legacy to leave than to love the people you love, maybe even slip into a life with that one special person I love and work to be with, and hopefully they’re a best friend and someone I completely depend on, and I’ll get to create a family with them someday.’

She places intentionality in her last sentence, letting Ace know that maybe this person she hopes to have all that with isn’t some far away concept, but the wonderful friend and companion she’s been able to completely trust and depend on these last few months. His eyes seem to darken as he processes her words, blue pushed to the edges of his irises; she gets the feeling that he might’ve picked up on the implication.

There was no doubt that they’d been recently tip-toeing around what their friendship was evolving into; between Nancy recovering from the Wraith, Ace getting kicked out and Amanda breaking up with him, they’d both changed into such different people in just a few weeks.  They’d both seemed to realise that though their entire worlds had shifted axes, the two of them were the same – they were Nancy and Ace, detective and hacker, a mind racing a hundred miles per hour paired with a rational, calm decision maker, a comet free orbiting in space and the sun’s gravity that grounded it, two best friends. They were comfortable here, safe in the boundaries of their friendship that was a little more than friendship, in confessions through glances and grazes, where the fear of having to figure out how they fit with each other, who they were and what they wanted was too scary for them to consider. For now, the implication was enough.

‘Yeah,’ Ace seemed to agree, his voice a little dreamy, ‘someday.’

[gurokatt]

hey, me again. I only just noticed you got around to my ask and felt the need to follow up.

it feels like... you didn't really read it? sorry to be blunt, but given that you seemed to reply to things I outright said I wasn't accusing you of, it just feels that way.

examples above ^^^ with highlighted screenshots being things I said and non-highlighted being your replies. there are other things I could have pulled as well, but I didn't for brevity's sake.

in any case, on recent updates I've received, as well as your own addendum to your initial reply, I feel I either haven't accurately made my points clear or they were misconstrued in some way.

I don't think that you word-for-word copy and paste things into your final, published fics. I said as much the first time. but you have said on multiple occasions that you take ideas from others and paste them into your outline. I also said that this wasn't a problem in and of itself, because it's not. but when the ideas you're basing fics off of are as hyper-specific as they were, it can't really be written off as a "same common trope." those people deserved credit at the very least, and preferably to have been asked permission in thr first place before their ideas were put into your outlines. personally, I've written multiple fics for another fandom that were based on ideas from friends, or tropes I'd seen in other fics. you seem to think that this is what i and others are taking issue with, when it's not. the difference is that, according to at least one instance, you've neglected to obtain proper permission to be using these people's ideas.

I think that there's more nuance to the question of whether you are a "plagiarist" or not. I wouldn't say no, but I would say a hard yes, either, because this is a gray area.

what I think you need to do is look through your existing outlines and find the sources of the ideas you pasted in (whether by discord term searching or however else, I don't really know where else you talked about them), and then at the very least, credit those people in your fics. the people whose ideas were used should not be under an obligation to figure out which works were lifted from their ideas and reach out to you, because they aren't the ones responsible for their ideas being lifted.

any and all harassment you're receiving is unhelpful to either side of the argument and I hope it settles soon.

- anon

Hi thanks for your response.

Dyslexia and currently bad mental state have made it harder to remember what i have and haven't read. So i am sorry for the response i made before.

You're right. in conversations about people i talk to about my fic ideas i have copied/pasted their thoughts they gave to me about their ideas usually i have asked "hey can i put this onto a document" but there may have been one or two times where i did it without asking

[these have probably been when im asking people for ideas for my own fics, whether its changing scenes/backstories for SAW 3D or character stuff]

It has been so long since i worked on the outline but I should have written down whose idea is whose. I plan on going back through my outlines and fixing all of that.

I have gotten carried away. this is the first time in any fandom ive written more than 2 fics for. I have taken ideas without meaning to and then forgot where i had taken them from.

for that I am deeply sorry and apologetic. this is what i want to change and fix from now on.

I really do try to credit as well as i can for my ideas. but I obviously need to get better at it.

Out of the current wips that i have started writing. one fic is based on an rp. another fic is based on a comment i got on my puppy fic and another off of that with expansion and more angst. [notes on who these people are have now been credited for when i ever get around to writing them]

i have 15 main fic ideas.. and even more that are just concepts.

The timeloop fic i will give to my ex friend. because the original idea is his and I have been hesitant on working on it for a while.

You're right and I worded what i said horribly in the last post.

I have been talking for hours with a person about this. and I have realised what I have done. the harassment i got did no help except make me defensive and lash out.

It's only after i have gotten constructive criticism and told what i have done that I realised my mistake.

I am autistic, i dont like using mental disabilities as an excuse for what I have done. I am saying that it has been a REASON for this happening in the first place.

but i wont lie and say that i have done any of this maliciously. I have forgotten things and remembered them as if they were my own thoughts.

This is of course not an excuse, things have slipped through the cracks and I never noticed them until people pointed it out and were rightfully angry at me.

I don't know if any of my current published fics need another credit. I try to credit when i can. this includes editing and beta reading.

The ideas I have posted have largely been my own [fool me twice being a tumblr prompt my friend suggested months ago]

It turns out the majority of the fandom [and then some] do not like me, I doubt i'd ever be able to fix everything. But i want to try. I want to apologise to everyone ive hurt or made it feel like i've used them

[violentviolette]

hey jack im sorry if this is a really weird and random question but do you have any tips for not being so nervous meeting someone from online for the first time? I know you and Ryo meet up and I was wondering if that was awkward at first if you have any tips for it!

no worries anon not a weird question at all. i've actually been meeting up with online friends since i was like 14 so i actually do have a fair bit of practice with it and it's kind of old hat to me now

honestly im always a little nervous before meeting someone new and i think thats normal and healthy, the first time i met ryo i honestly felt like i was gonna excitement vomit like a dog lmfaoo but i think allowing urself to say "im nervous and thats okay" helps a lot

for me it's all about taking the pressure off. the pressure to be perfect or make this amazing first impression and be the coolest funniest most charming dude imaginable. but thats just not reality and it's unhelpful and unfair to put that pressure on myself. remembering that this is (hopefully) someone who ur already close friends with and who knows u and enjoys ur company for who u are, and they're just as excited and nervous, but they also know ur a human being. there isnt pressure to be perfect or super cool or amazingly witty or funny, and its also okay if ur kinda awkward and a little weird and u say or do really stupid things. if the person ur meeting is a genuine friend, they wont care about any of that and will enjoy their time with u anyway, and if they do judge u for any of that, then they're probably a dick and u dont want to be friends with them anyway so better to know now

the first night i slept at ryos i got so nervous about sleeping in his bed that i slept on the floor instead. it was a deranged decision but i made it and followed thru ajksdhjkasdklas and like yea looking at it out of context thats really stupid and awkward and embarassing, his mom asked me if i was alright LOL but now in hindsight it's just a really hilarious and silly story that we both can joke about. it's a fond memory and it didnt make him think i was weird and stupid and not wanna be my friend anymore.

to me thats really all it's about, remembering that its okay to be weird and awkward, and that they're probably also gonna be nervous and weird and awkward. ur both probably gonna do some embarrassing things and thats normal and okay. first time meeting ppl irl is always an adjustment, u need some time to get used to being around one another and learning what the others like and how to do things together. but it's all just a normal part of the process and it's okay if its a mess. that just means u'll have some funny stories to look back on and laugh about together later

[somelonelywordmonger]

I've had costochondritis twice; each time, it was self-diagnosable because of how clear the symptoms were and my history of inflammation that shouldn't be there but is. But the first time, I went to an old, white, cis male internal doc who was local and my primary at the time because I wanted to be absolutely sure and know what I could do to treat it other than what Mayo Clinic, John Hopkins, Healthline, and WebMD, along with anatomy pictures and things from Google Images suggested because I was absolutely not appreciating the new pain on top of the chronic pain. He was a total ass, big shock (sarcasm) as my mother and transgender brother experienced the usual sluffing off of things you get from unhelpful and judgy doctors. "Someone has been on Google, I see." It took him forever to come to the same conclusion, and in the end, he was less helpful than the "Google" I had been on. I later hit up some medical journals because, with my autism, I like to know, too.

As for the chronic pain chart, holy shit, that helps me a lot. It is also hard, with my autism, to answer the questions posed by doctors about my pain. My chronic pain is different from just one pain. There's the "don't touch me or apply even the gentlest pressure on most of my body as that causes a searing, burning pain that takes around a minute to bugger off," and there's also just the general full body ache pain that is a background hum. Within the past year, the development of abdominal pain and chronic illness that has yet to be diagnosed and has gotta be 100% within my organs because it is accompanied by illness and a change in bowel movements and so on. For the body pain, my rheumatologist is going the fibromyalgia route. But when I go to my primary doctor so that I can get the referrals and treatments I need, my pain overwhelms them. And we always end up focusing on one pain and not all of them. And they ask that obnoxious question to describe it. I've taken to writing my symptoms down in a journal, using words that help the doctor, and referring to this chronic pain scale, along with drawing a diagram of my body and the pain regions with color-coded severity. It still has not been helpful, as that overwhelms my doctor. But it did help her move things along, and now I just battle with my insurance company over things like MRIs and CT Scans and Ultrasounds. Most days are a 6-8, with the 9 coming in hard when I've really fucked up. I've experienced 10 and 11 and fear those numbers.

Anyway, invisiblefoxfire found a smart doctor, and maybe I should just bring in the chart next time. Also, I am so sorry for your level 12 migraines; there are no words to describe how awful that sounds, let alone how awful it must be to experience them.

Chronic pain and illness really do skew what you consider to be normal.

I'm complaining to a friend about two separate pains I've got going on right now, pains which I would categorize as "annoying," and "distracting," and she's freaking out, like, "Go to the ER!!!!" and it's like, oh, that's right. Normal people go to the ER when it hurts to breathe.

Anyway...

(Just to clarify, I'm, like, 90% sure it's costochondritis, and I'm not actually struggling to breathe. It just feels blegh. The other pain is more distracting and potentially an issue but we'll cross that bridge if we get to it.)

[dogearedheart]

Hey! I say this with love but I feel like you might be spiraling? Please don't forget to take care of your basic needs and go on a nice walk if you can. And re the romantic love thing, I've been there and felt hopeless too but at some point I started dividing my attention more and found more kinds of love in different places and now I feel fulfilled with friendships and community, and perhaps romantic love later down the line but I don't feel that "burden" and pressure anymore. And I believe you can get there too. I really do. And because I feel like you might now deny that or say something self-deprecating, I will probably not come back to your inbox but know that I have faith and I promise things do change, you just need to shift your mindset slowly over time, be gentle with yourself but also give yourself a kick in the butt if you feel like giving up or going back to behavior or thought patterns that are unhelpful. Wishing you the best ❤️

hey, anon!

sorry, if you got the feeling that I am spiraling, but I am actually feeling very stable at the moment. I am not sure if my last ask made you come here and leave this ask, but I wasn't just talking about romantic love. I was talking about all those different kinds of love. you can love your friend just as deeply as your partner. and all the people I've met (which have almost all been friendships and very rarely something more) have made me the person I am today. I meant that in a very thankful kinda way, if that makes sense? I never felt these feelings were a burden or a pressure. sure, I would usually try to deny whatever is said about me (especially in a nice context, I guess), but I honestly don't think anything you said is like... something I was trying to say. I do think that we all have the capacity to find our own people. romantic and platonic love have always been linked to me anyway. I am being as gentle and kind with myself as I can be. I am good with who I am, and too tired to try and be anyone else anyway.

I know that this is probably an asks with kind intentions, but I am not sure what to make of the first part if I am being completely honest.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Do you have any advice for advocating for yourself re: mental health? Or just general positive vibes would be good. Anyway, here's the story, very edited. You're lucky you're not getting the first draft of this omg.

There's something more going on than my current diagnosis. I won't go through the whole story but the whole triage process with my insurance and the therapist (?) that I saw was wildly unhelpful. And not what I have consistently said I need- which is to figure out what is happening and have actual support in place. So I put in a complaint to get a referral to see someone else. And now it's been almost a month and I need to follow up. Except now I'm feeling mostly okay.

When I started this there was so much bad coping happening and I felt like I had a reason to be a bit pushy but I didn't get a chance to actually explain anything to anyone. Now I'm scared I'll accidentally say I'm fine or they'll ask how long it's been since xxx and it won't seem like anything is wrong.

I've almost been to the ER once because of how triggering this process is and I don't want to get there again. But I keep thinking that might be what's needed, like showing is better than telling. Which is a whole separate spiral I'm trying to avoid. It's so frustrating and I'm getting less and less confident that I even know how I feel or why I'm doing this.

Hi! The mental health system is shit. Full stop. I am SO sorry it is failing you.

When it comes to advocating for yourself in any sense, here are a few really important things to do:

Document everything. Write it all down, and save it in multiple places. And let them know you are documenting it. For example, you say you filed a complaint. Ask for a physical and digital copy of your complaint. "For your records." Ask for copies of your chart. Every time they make a decision, ask for it to be noted in your chart, and ask for a copy of the chart.

Often, people will try to take advantage of people who don't know what they don't know. But having all of it written down holds people accountable. And when they know you are documenting, they're more likely to do what they're supposed to do, simply because they know they're being watched.

Second, be kind, but firm. Do not back down, but don't be rude. You're not being a Karen by doing this, as long as you don't yell or throw a fit. For example, when dealing with the complaint you put in- yes, call back. If the person who answers says they have no news, say something like, "I completely understand that you might not be able to do anything more for me, but I'm very frustrated by this situation and I think you can get that I've been dealing with it for x days and I'd like some answers, since it's my health. Do you think I could talk to someone who could give me more information?"

Document. Hold people accountable. Don't back down. And remember, you deserve care.

I'm here if you ever need to vent <3 I'm naming you advocating anon if you want to write again!

[1d1195]

My week omg it’s been so DRAINING!! And yeah I know it’s like the first week back and all but it’s just so much lol I have two courses in which both require for me to do a research project but I didn’t even know one of them had a research portion in it!?! And I do not enjoy research at all :( I was really only planning on taking one this time around but I GUESS NOT! And I guess everything else is just getting back into a routine and stuff! Truly I think one of the highlights of this past week was finding out one of my professors is like so hot!?!? HAHA anyways I will now be respectfully admiring from a far lol

I did miss chatting with you though this week🤧! But reading part 4 really did feel like a reward lol and eldest daughters have to stay strong together so I don’t blame you for writting her sister that way!!

And I LOVE a slow burn story!honestly I think I will kinda always prefer it like that lol and I TRUST THE PROCESS SO I KNOW THE STORY WONT BE AFFECTED NEGATIVELY!!!

How are you doing?!-💜

OH NO!!! I feel you on that, research is one of my least favorite things as well--at least formal research. Like someone else already figured it out, why do I have to try? 😭😂. Especially because I chose math as the academic love my life so it feels next to IMPOSSIBLE to do research for it. It stinks that you have two projects in one semester, I'm sorry. That's so frustrating. Any chance you can use the same research for both? Otherwise, I think you just have to take it one day at a time! Also, I'm a NERD and it took me a while to figure out college--basically was a senior before I realized the value of office hours, so TOTALLY take your professors up on them. I swear your grade gets bumped just because you use them. (sorry if this is unwanted/unhelpful advice; the teacher in me can't turn off sometimes, totally ignore me if you're like "this lady has no idea what she's talking about")

ANYWAY! WE LOVE A HOT PROFESSOR 😍 that'll break up the week for sure! Keep me up to date on that front, I will DEFINITELY write a story about a certain somebody being a professor if you have some ideas to share 👀

I hope this week gets a little easier! Don't worry about not chatting, I know you've got a whole life and a busy schedule! Happy to hear from you when you have the time! 💕

I'm doing pretty well! I've had a super productive weekend so far, had a game night with friends, did all my chores, pilates, etc. Only need to do a little bit of work. I've also finished 2 books in 2024 so off to a good start! Hoping to finish up Part 5 of Dolcezza so I can post tomorrow 😊

Thanks for asking!

xoxo

[thoriffix]

you're telling me he gets THREE boyfriends???

words: 4.6k

summary: cole's dad assumes the ninja are dating, which - as far as cole is concerned - is ridiculous. of course, it sends him on a bit of a feelings spiral, and maybe he does in fact have a few crushes he has to deal with.

some polyninja goofs! set vaguely in s2 idk when exactly but uhh theyre living on the bounty and lloyd isnt aged up yet thats all thats important. also im trying out posting full fics on here for the first time! this is also on my ao3 ill link it in the rbs

enjoy!

"So, how are the boys?"

"Ugh, Dad." Cole rolls his eyes. Every time he visits, his dad ends up trying to get him to talk about the other ninja, and he doesn't understand it. "They're fine, same as always. Busy training, probably."

"Shame they never come to visit," Lou comments, sipping his tea. "I really would love to get to know them better."

Cole squints dubiously at his father, who seems to be trying to appear nonchalant. "...Why?"

"Well, why wouldn't I? If my son suddenly came home with one boyfriend I'd like to get to know him, let alone three!"

What.

Cole stares at Lou. He puts his tea cup down and furrows his brow as he tries to process. Dad thinks- okay. Dad thinks the ninja are his… boyfriends? The ninja. All of them. Boyfriends?

"We're not dating, dad," he says, after a solid few seconds of confused silence. Lou tilts his head.

"You're not?" he asks. "None of you?"

"No, none of us!"

Why would he even think that? Do they act like boyfriends? Dad didn't even know he was gay until a few weeks ago. Why would he just assume Cole’s friends were dating him? Or each other, for that matter?

"Well," says Lou, frowning. "I must have misread. Sorry, son."

"That's okay, dad," says Cole. His head is spinning, though. Misread what? Normal, friendly, platonic interactions between four close buddies? How could you possibly misread that? "What, uh- why would you… what made you think that?"

Lou hums, taking another sip of his tea as he thinks about it. Cole finds himself leaning forward in anticipation, and immediately feels weird about it. Why is he excited to know? That's weird. Stop it, Cole.

"You were the happiest I've ever seen you," Lou finally says, and Cole feels his stomach flip. "When you were fighting, yes, but even more so when you were just with them. The way you looked at them, I… well, it reminded me of myself when I first fell in love."

Cole really, truly, has no idea how to feel about that. He stares down into his lap. This isn't exactly a conversation he'd love to be having with the father he's fairly estranged from, anyway. Maybe once they were closer he'd be willing to talk about his nonexistent love life, but apparently it's happening now, because apparently he looks at the other ninja like he's in love with them, which is- well, it's a lot to unpack. 

"Why so interested?" Lou asks teasingly, after Cole hasn't said anything for a few minutes. Cole’s stomach flips again.

"I'm not!" he defends, though he can't really deny that he is. When he thinks about it his heart keeps doing these little flutters. Maybe he just has a heart condition. That's probably more likely. A rare heart condition that only shows symptoms when he thinks about the idea of dating his fellow ninja. The idea of boyfriends. Having boyfriends. Dating them. Maybe even kissing them! He-

Wow, that heart condition sure is a doozy.

"Well, I'm not going to sit around and tell you how it looks," says Lou. "I think you might need to work out how you actually feel."

"Unhelpful, dad," Cole grumbles. His father laughs, and picks his tea back up.

"If you say you're not dating, I believe you. But maybe I wasn't misreading your expressions?" He raises his eyebrows and sips his tea meaningfully. Cole can feel his face going hot.

"Yeah, yeah," he mutters. "I'm changing the subject now. How's the weather been lately?"

–

Later, on the Bounty, Cole can’t stop thinking about it. What the fuck did his dad mean about him and the other ninja? He spends most of the day after he gets home stewing about it, brooding in various spots aboard the ship and generally overthinking. It doesn't make him feel any better in the slightest.

Eventually the others notice, because of course they do, because they share a space of a couple hundred square feet at best. Kai corners him on the deck first.

“Hey, man,” he says, slapping Cole on the back and joining him in peering over the edge of the boat. “You doin’ okay?”

Kai’s picked up a habit of checking in on the others the moment they seem even a little off, and he seems scarily attuned to when they’re not feeling great. It makes Cole smile. He’s a good guy. Much more sensitive and caring than his cocky outward self would have you believe, and Cole’s lucky to get to see it. Lucky to get to see his face, too, cause he’s sure easy on the eyes. And-

Cole’s cheeks go hot. Oh, boy.

“All good!” he replies, maybe a little too squeakily. Kai narrows his eyes suspiciously. His stunning, deep brown eyes. Cole scolds himself mentally. Where is this coming from?

“You went to visit your dad today, right?” asks Kai, and Cole nods. “That go okay?”

“Been worse. We, uh, talked a lot."

“Hey, that’s a start.” Kai smiles lopsidedly and reaches out, covering Cole’s hand with his. His palm is warm and comforting. Cole smiles back. “Wanna come play some games with the guys? We got some time.”

“We should probably be training,” Cole says, raising one eyebrow, but it’s more of a tease than an actual protest. He’d much rather play. If nothing else, it's fun to watch Jay rage when he's losing.

“Eh, what Wu doesn’t know won’t hurt him. C’mon.”

Cole allows himself to be led the relatively short distance from the deck into their room, where Jay and Zane are already battling it out. 

“Ah, hello, Cole,” says Zane, pausing the game and turning to smile up at Cole with that sweet, awkward smile he always has. “Are you alright?”

“I’m peachy, snowflake,” Cole replies, grinning as he sits down between them. Zane tilts his head in apparent confusion. “I’m good. No worries.”

“Good,” says Zane. Kai sits down on Zane’s other side and picks up a spare controller, passing Cole the fourth. Jay nudges him.

“Ready to get your ass kicked?” he asks, smirking, and Cole just smirks back.

“I’d be careful who you threaten, motormouth.”

“Ooh, fighting talk!” exclaims Kai. “C’mon, I wanna get into it already!”

Zane sets up a fresh game. Cole sits there, idly playing with the buttons as he waits, and smiles. He’s got the best friends.

–

It doesn’t entirely clear his mind, but digitally brawling with the other ninja certainly makes him feel a bit better, right up until Wu finds them and scolds them for shirking their duties. He finds himself in the kitchen with Zane, washing dishes as Zane starts to get dinner ready.

“Do not laugh, please,” Zane says shyly. Cole blinks at him, and then suddenly realises that Zane is bashfully tying his pink apron around his waist. He feels guilty immediately.

“I won’t,” he promises. “Sorry for laughing at you for it before.”

“That’s okay. I understand it is a little silly. It’s pink, after all.”

“No, it- it still sucked for us to laugh. You don’t look silly. You, uh- pink suits you.”

It’s nowhere near a lie. Zane looks great in pink. He looks great in anything, honestly. Most of all, he looks great wearing the pleased smile that crosses his face at that. It’s infectious - Cole finds himself smiling too, distracted and scrubbing the same spot on a bowl over and over. He snaps his attention back to the dishes. FSM, what is with him? His dad’s comments must have got in his head. He doesn’t remember ever noticing the others’ appearances this much before, nor feeling this fluttery when he thinks about them. But then again, didn’t he? Weren’t they always this handsome, now that he thinks about it? Maybe the butterflies are new, but they don’t feel out of place, exactly. When he casts his mind back, maybe he does remember feeling a little fluttery whenever Kai puts his hand on his, or Jay poorly trash-talks him, or Zane makes extra dumplings because he knows they’re Cole’s favourite. He stares into the soapy water, suddenly unsure of himself.

“Cole? Are you alright?” Zane asks, placing a cold hand on Cole’s arm and pulling him out of his thoughts. Cole nods.

“Yep,” he says, and it’s not a lie. He’s just… confused, is all. There’s no way his dad was right, right? Not about them dating, of course, but about his, uh… feelings. Wouldn’t that be embarrassing? His dad, who he barely sees, picking up on Cole having a- well, multiple crushes before it even crossed Cole’s mind. “Sorry, Zane. Just thinkin’.”

“No need to apologise,” says Zane. “And, um. Thank you for saying pink suits me. I rather like it.”

He smiles, and then makes a beeline for the stove to start cooking. Cole watches him move perfectly around the kitchen, each movement graceful and well-oiled. The water's long gone cold by the time he actually resumes doing the dishes.

–

Dinner is perfect, as it always is when it's Zane's night to cook. Cole devours his own helping and then a fair bit of Jay's, when he isn't looking. Lloyd watches him sneak food off Jay's plate from across the table, wide-eyed, and then utterly fails to do the same to Nya, who notices immediately.

After the meal, Jay and Cole end up on the deck together, trying to make the most of the time before bed. The sun's gone down, leaving them chugging along through dusky indigo skies, a few stars twinkling above them.

"Don't think I didn't notice you stealing my food all of dinner, mister," Jay says, and Cole grins, embarrassed. Busted. 

"Well, why didn't you stop me then?"

Jay shrugs. "I figured it would mean that you owe me! Besides, I know you love Zane’s cooking."

Cole knows for a fact that Jay also loves Zane's cooking. They all do. He doesn't comment on that, though, just raises an eyebrow instead. "Oh yeah?"

"Yep!"

He doesn't elaborate. Cole chooses to assume he'll be doing Jay's chores tomorrow. He rolls his eyes, and leans over the side of the boat. The moon is so bright tonight, illuminating everything in a pale glow. He chances a glance at Jay out of the corner of his eye, and sure enough; beautiful. Damnit. Why couldn't he have less handsome friends? And kind, too, and funny. And caring. And-

Jay catches him looking and scrunches up his nose, sticking his tongue out. Cole feels his heart skip a beat. 

God damnit.

He has three whole stupid crushes, doesn't he?

And that means his stupid dad was right, too.

Cole stares down at the distant desert below them, slowly passing by. This is stupid. Feelings are stupid. They're his friends - his only friends, not that he really likes to admit it. Well- he still has Wu and Nya and Lloyd, but still. They're his team, for another thing. How's he going to fight effectively alongside them when all of a sudden he gets butterflies looking in their eyes for too long?

Jay pokes him. "Whatcha thinkin' about?"

"Just- stuff," says Cole vaguely. 

"Ooh, mystery man, huh? Bet I can guess what you're thinking about."

"Jay, I-"

"Cake? Video games? The fact that it's your turn to mop the deck this week? Dragons?"

Cole should've known that vagueness would get him nowhere with Jay. Annoying, adorable little shit. Instead he just sighs and nods. "Yeah, uh, all of the above."

"Ha! You're so predictable, Cole."

I guess I am, Cole thinks, leaning on his hand and watching Jay's smug face turn to look back out at the clouds. He's only thinking a little bit about kissing him, which he's going to count as a win. He continues to think about it until they go to bed for the night, but it’s only a little bit, so. He’s doing well.

–

The next evening, Cole finally finds himself alone on the deck of the Bounty, having spent all day in the company of at least one of the other ninja, all of whom are suddenly the most attractive guys in Ninjago and he might be going a little bit crazy. Getting some time alone is rare under normal circumstances, but while dealing with this newest revelation it's nothing short of a godsend. 

He begins pacing up and down the deck, debating just what he's supposed to do now. Right. So maybe, just maybe, he has three new crushes. Or, more like, he has three old crushes that he's only just noticed and is kind of kicking himself about in retrospect. 

He has a few options, Cole supposes.

One, he tells them all how he feels. The idea of this one makes his stomach tie itself into twelve different knots and then throw itself off the side of the ship, so he's not really sure it's ideal. But then again, if it went well… he doesn't dare think about it. The odds of it going the way he'd like it to are so tiny that he doesn't even bother properly entertaining the idea. This option isn't really an option. 

Two, he picks one of them to confess to and buries the other two crushes down deep and doesn't think about them ever. This one is more plausible, even if the idea of choosing between them seems impossible. Any time he thinks he's settled on one of them, one of the others will float into his mind and his heart will do the flutter again and he'll be back at square one. Besides, he doesn't even know if any of them would like him back. This option isn't ideal, but it's there.

Three, he buries all of them down deep and pretends they don't exist. This one, as far as Cole can see, has no downsides. Nothing has to change, no one has to get rejected or ruin any friendships or teamwork, and he can go on having fun with his best friends and never think about kissing them at all. Ever. It's the perfect plan.

Of course, perfect plans often have a little snag or two, which Cole discovers as soon as he marches proudly back into their living quarters and is met with three stupidly handsome and loveable faces. 

For the next few days, Cole engages in what can only be described as the most miserable game of tag he’s ever played, in which he’s constantly running from his own gay thoughts attempting to catch him. Every time he sees the other ninja, his heart utterly betrays him by trying to thump itself out of his chest, and his brain betrays him even more by refusing to stop imagining them kissing him, or holding his hand, or even cuddling. Luckily, it doesn’t interfere with their ninja work too much, because Cole is a professional, and their well-oiled team is second nature at this point. At home, though? Well, those two days of performing arts school he attended are really putting the work in.

It doesn’t help that recently the ninja have become more affectionate than ever, constantly checking in on him and asking if he wants to hang out, and there’s only so many times he can turn them down without coming off rude or suspicious. He’s been hanging out with little Lloyd a lot instead. To be fair to the kid, he’s a lot of fun to hang out with, actually. Plus, as a bonus, the ninja don’t seem to be quite as affectionate when Lloyd, Nya or Wu are around, which Cole is putting down to them not wanting to exclude anyone from their little best friend group. 

He’s hanging out by himself in the sleeping quarters, reading a book that Zane’s been trying to get him to read and eating a sandwich, when Nya pops her head round the door and says; “Hey!”

He glances over, brushes some crumbs off his chest, and sits up, putting the book down. “Hey.”

“What’re you doing in here? Everyone's up on the deck, training.”

She steps into the room and walks over to his bunk, sitting down next to him. Cole shrugs.

“I was tired?” he tries, and she laughs.

“Nice try. Wu will never let you get away with that one. Ninja never quit!” she says, doing a scarily accurate impression of Master Wu. Cole snorts, and then looks at his hands. It’s not that he doesn’t want to train. It’s more that Kai had bumped into him earlier and for some ungodly reason had reached out to brush a lock of Cole’s hair behind his ear, and Cole’s now worried that if he looks Kai in the eyes he might actually explode.

He’s not gonna say that. He just sort of shrugs instead.

Nya pokes his cheek. “What’s going on with you?” she asks, raising one eyebrow. Cole looks at her.

“What do you mean?”

She shrugs. “You’re acting weird lately. Around the guys mostly. You feeling okay?”

Damn. Cole cringes slightly. He’s probably being very obvious, huh? He opens his mouth, fully intending to make up some excuse, even if he has no idea what would sound plausible, but what actually comes out is; “I think I’m in love with all three of the other guys because my dad thought we were all dating and it made me realise I really like them all and I have no idea what to do about it and I was trying to ignore it but that’s really hard and I don’t wanna ruin the team or our friendships or anything and it sucks.”

Nya stares at him.

“And also I’m gay,” he adds, belatedly realising he's never actually officially come out. He’s pretty sure they all know, but still. Worth adding.

She takes a second, looking almost confused, and then laughs. “Okay,” she says. “Lots of information there, Cole.”

“Sorry,” he mumbles, smiling a bit himself. Her smile is infectious. She sighs, and then pats him on the shoulder.

“First of all, congrats on the coming out. I mean, I did already know, so. Y’know. Still congrats!”

“Thank you…?”

"Secondly, that's really cute. You should tell them!"

Cole stares at her. "Nya. You gotta be kidding me."

"I'm not! What's the worst that could happen?" She’s grinning at him, with a sparkle in her eye like she knows something he doesn’t, but he just frowns.

"Uh, I don't know. Everything? Breaking up the team for no good reason? Losing my only friends?"

"Pssh, that's nothing." She sounds cheery, but Cole's not smiling, so she sighs and pats his shoulder. "Right. Sorry. Unhelpful. But look, I really do think you should tell them. They're worried about you, y'know."

Cole blinks. "They are?"

"Yeah, of course. If nothing else, telling them will get you closure, right? Your friendship is stronger than you think, and they care about you, so even if they don't like like you back, is that really the end of the world?"

Huh. Cole looks down at his hands. "I guess not," he admits, frowning. It doesn't feel like it should be that easy. Admittedly, the idea of rejection does make him want to crawl into a cupboard forever, but Nya has a point. She grins again, toothily.

"I'm always right," she says, smug. Cole rolls his eyes and leans into her. She wraps an arm around him. "Oh, and I'm rooting for you, champ. I guarantee it’ll go better than you think."

“Why are you so sure?” Cole grumbles, and she opens her mouth, and then closes it again, shrugging.

“Just am!” she says, slightly sing-song, and he groans. Why is everybody he knows so smug?

–

"Hey," says Cole, and only Zane looks up. Kai and Jay are too busy intently focusing on the game they're playing, which, honestly? That's fine. Cole’s feeling pretty nervous, so the less eyes on him right now the better. "I need to talk to you guys."

"What's up, dude?" asks Kai, narrowing his eyes at the TV, and then groaning. "Oh, damnit, Jay!"

"Ha! Get good, loser!"

"Are you guys done?" Cole asks, feeling endeared and irritated at the same time. God, why'd it have to be these idiots? They pause the game, finally, and turn around to face him, nodding. "Okay."

"Are you alright, Cole?" asks Zane, looking worried. 

“Yeah, I just- I have to tell you all something.”

“We’re all ears, bro,” says Kai, grinning up at him, and Cole’s heart flutters embarrassingly. Oh god. This is gonna suck. He takes a deep breath.

"I like you guys," says Cole. "Like, like like you. All of you."

There's silence. Cole resists the urge to squeeze his eyes shut so he can't see them all looking at him. This is terrible. His heart is pounding.

"...I thought we were all already dating?" Zane says, sounding genuinely bewildered.

“Yeah, I kinda- are we not?” asks Jay, putting down his game controller. Kai nods in agreement, frowning at Cole.

What.

Cole stares at them all. He’s desperately trying to see in their eyes if this is some weird prank, or joke, but they all look utterly baffled at the idea that they’re not all dating him. They all think they’re dating him? And each other? All of them?

This might be the weirdest turn of events in Cole’s life, and he once had an old man on top of a mountain ask him to become a ninja to help save Ninjago from evil.

“Wh- we are?” he says desperately, holding out his hands in confusion. The others make eye contact with each other and then look back at him, nodding. Cole’s head is spinning. “For how long?”

Jay shrugs. “I dunno, a couple of weeks?”

A couple of weeks? He’s saying that Cole could have been kissing all three of them for weeks? He must look shaken, because Kai holds out a hand comfortingly.

“How did I not know?” he asks. They look at each other again.

“I do not know,” says Zane.

“We just sort of assumed you wanted to take things slow?” explains Kai. “And we didn’t wanna push you or anything, y’know?”

Cole really does not know what to do now. He goes and sits on the floor between them all, and then suddenly has a realisation. “My dad was right,” he groans, dropping his head into his hands in shame. This is awful. Not only was his stupid dad right about his stupid feelings, he was right about them dating, apparently. And apparently, everybody was aware of this except for Cole!

Wait. “Wait,” he says. “Does Nya think we’re dating too?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m gonna tell my sister, dude,” says Kai, and Cole groans again. Great. No wonder she’d seemed so sure of herself when he asked for her advice. He feels a hand pat his arm slightly awkwardly.

“Are you alright?” asks Zane, sounding concerned, and Cole nods into his hands. It’s not quite settled in yet, given that this was the exact opposite of the outcome he was expecting and all. It might be starting to, though, given the way his stomach is starting to fizz with excitement. 

“So,” he says, lifting his head out of his hands. They’re all looking at him with eyes that are far too soft and gentle and beautiful. “You’re telling me you all want to date me?”

“Well, I thought we all were for several weeks, so I’d say yes,” says Jay, and Cole partially considers dropping his head back into his hands. He puts them down on his lap instead.

“What now?” he asks. He’s pretty sure he’s just mightily embarrassed himself, so he’s half expecting one of them to go well, actually, we don’t really like you that much anymore, Cole, sorry! Instead, Kai starts grinning and adjusts himself so he’s on one knee.

“Well,” he says, making eye contact with each of them. “Would all three of you do me the honour of being my boyfriends? Officially, this time.”

Cole might be dying. His heart rate would certainly suggest that he is. Beside him, Zane giggles, and Jay groans and rolls his eyes.

“You’re so annoying,” he complains, and then leans forward and kisses Kai’s cheek.

“I would be honoured,” Zane says, seriously, and leans in to kiss Kai’s other cheek. Kai raises his eyebrows at Cole, the cocky grin melting into something softer as he looks at him.

“If you’d rather talk about it first-” he begins to say, before Cole gets his courage up and all but jumps forward to plant a kiss directly on Kai’s lips. They’re soft, and warm, and he can feel Kai smiling against his lips. His heart hammers furiously against the inside of his ribs as he pulls back and grins awkwardly.

“Yeah,” he says, slightly embarrassed by the way Kai is smiling at him. Jay makes a noise.

“My turn!” he says, and pulls Cole into a kiss as well, their noses squishing uncomfortably against each other and teeth clacking slightly. He pulls away, slightly dazed, and Jay all but sparkles at him with the joy in his grin. Zane clears his throat politely.

“May I?” he asks, and Cole nods, his head spinning too much to answer properly. Zane leans in and kisses him, much gentler than Jay, and then pulls back after a moment and smiles. Cole’s tempted to pinch himself, just to make sure this isn’t some big self-indulgent dream. His heart is calming down, convinced that all is well. 

“Glad we got that sorted!” chirps Jay, picking his game controller back up. “Cole, do you wanna join the game next round?”

Cole has to laugh. He feels a bit ridiculous. Knowing that he could’ve been happily with them all for weeks rather than tearing himself up inside trying to escape his crushes stings a bit, but at least he got this outcome instead of something worse. Honestly, this is the best possible outcome he could have hoped for. 

“Yeah, okay,” he says, and grabs the spare controller.

–

Cole’s dad opens the door not ten seconds after he rings the bell, which suggests he’d been waiting by the door for Cole to show up, which is either quite sweet or a bit weird, he can’t decide.

“Cole!” he says, opening it, and then his eyes widen. “Oh!”

Cole grins, gesturing to the other three ninja, who have promised to be on their best behaviour and are dressed in their nicest outfits. “Surprise?” he says, and they beam at his dad. Lou looks utterly thrilled, clapping his hands together and grinning.

“Oh, this is wonderful! Cole never brings friends home,” he says, and Cole’s face goes a bit hot. He looks around at the other ninja, who smile at him encouragingly.

“It’s actually, uh. Boyfriends, dad.”

Lou’s face shifts through surprise, to joy, to smug understanding. He smiles at Cole, who rolls his eyes. 

“Boyfriends, eh?” he says, raising his eyebrows. “Who knew?”

“Lay off it, dad,” says Cole. “Can we come in or not?”

Lou steps back to let them all pass through, waving them in with pleasantries and greetings, and when Cole passes him he pats him on the shoulder and smiles, his eyes gentle and proud. Cole smiles back, embarrassed. He’s still a little bit mad that his dad figured things out before he did, but honestly? He can’t be that upset, what with the way it all worked out.

Okay, maybe a little. But only because his dad is being so smug about it. Otherwise, he’s completely fine. After all, he’s dating the three best people in Ninjago, so what’s he got to be mad about?

Cole grins as he walks into the living room to find Kai and Jay mid-bicker already, with Zane attempting to act as mediator. They stop when they see him, all three sets of eyes lighting up, and his grin grows wider. Yeah. He’s doing pretty good.

[ridhearts]

i would love to hear u talk about cater and trey!! i love hearing others talk about their fav ships and it's so interesting how other people perceive the characters within them and the relationship..... so if u ever make more posts of u brainrotting over the two 👀 i will be so down to read them

omg!! i totally didn't mean to leave you hanging sorry i was in writing mode but tysm! I totally will at some point because I've jotted down a few ideas for them that are just <3 pretty good if you ask me. they have such potential for angst AND fluff....are they an old married couple? are they doomed to fail for their refusal to learn to communicate with each other? are they soulmates that will find each other again in the end? are they soulmates that were destined to be torn apart but always remember the other? have they been mutually pining since they met as freshmen, or does one only realize their feelings when the other confesses? ALL OF THESE COULD BE TRUE AND IT DRIVES ME CRAZY.

since i mentioned it in the last ask, can we talk about that starsending line? where they get cater's wish and he wishes for more magicam followers or something, and Trey realizes "hey didn't you wish for the same thing last year?"

Then they drop the fact that they were ROOMMATES THEIR FIRST TWO YEARS.....So Cater goes "haha really? I didn't remember! Okay so instead, I wish to be able to enjoy the rest of the school year!"

Then when you leave the room, Trey says something like "I thought by now Cater would be able to share his true wishes....but maybe he just doesn't want to share them with me." DO YOU HEAR MY HEART CRACKING

First of all,

but seriously, they were roommates??? How close were they those first two years? How close they were the first year, when it was just them against the world? What happened that made them stop being roommates?? (My theory is Cater started pulling away and filed a request to transfer rooms at the end of last year - but why? did he tell Trey, or did Trey find out the hard way when he saw him packing and/or came back to the dorm and saw a random student on Cater's side of the room? Did they ever talk about it or did Cater successfully pull away without confrontation? I NEED TO KNOW)

SECONDLY...........Trey sounds so sad. So defeated. He's so sure Cater doesn't care for him the way he cares about Cater, and he's so certain that everything he's doing isn't getting through (even if you're looking at this platonically). He doesn't understand that Cater is having a mental illness mood purposely separating himself. Why? Is it depression related? is it because Cater found himself caring TOO MUCH for Trey and pulled away before Trey could leave him? With how much they both talk about each other, it's OBVIOUS they still care for each other....but they really just have incompatible communication styles right now. Or rather, they both have unhelpful behaviors that make it so they can be standing face to face, talking right to each other and having a good time, and yet they're still talking past each other.

We KNOW with Riddle that Trey has a hands-off approach to things. A don't-speak-unless-spoken-to approach. He cares, but he doesn't want to make other people's business his business. Sometimes he genuinely thinks it's best left alone, but others he just doesn't want the problems of others to take up all his free time (boundary king if only it didn't bleed into borderline negligence sometimes). Even if he has an epiphany after Riddle's overblot, that still means there were two whole years where he was just...not involving himself if/when he noticed something was up with Cater.

THIS MEANS that he never presses Cater for more information and takes what he says at face value (until he's out of the room). Cater is hoping for this at first, because it makes it easier to fool people with his cheery façade. But we all know that he's got deeper issues and it's hard for him to make genuine connections, and he feels like nobody knows the real him. But we also know he's not gonna give Trey the real him wrapped in a cute little pastry box. Cater would probably rather die than open himself up like that, ESPECIALLY so far into their last year before they go off for internships and what not. Trey won't call Cater on his bluffs, and Cater won't invite Trey in. They're reaching out for each other but they're separated by glass.

And I do think Riddle enrolling during their second year and probably making Trey vice housewarden catalyzed the separation. Not in a "the other woman" type of way because I genuinely believe Trey cares about both of them in equal but different ways, but in a way where Cater is so used to either having to leave/being left or not being somebody's favorite/first choice that at this point he sees the slightest sign and bolts.

UGH i'm not kidding they literally drive me CRAZY. especially because i think if one of them just broke down and made that step it would be peak romance. call me boring but nothing get the heart beating like someone realizing you're in need and reaching out for you. god. helping each other communicate better and build productive and healthy relationship skills? is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

[thekillingjoke-haha]

We’re Batshit Crazy

@spnquotebingo​ Word count:1,609

Summary: Love isn't all that perfect sometimes love is crazy especially when the Hero is in love with said crazy.

Gotham AU

Jason Todd(Jensen Ackles) x Villan!Reader

Enemies and Lovers (none of that "to" bs)

Gotham Recasting: Batman=John, Dick Grayson(second Robin not first) =Sam ,Tim Drake=Adam, Joker(ledger style)=Lucifer, Harley Quinn=Lilith,ect.

Warnings: Mention of death, blood, guns, and violence

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The mad laughter rung out into the night sky as the purple Lamborghini hit corners with violently sharp turns. "Oh puddin I just love family night!~" The pale platinum blonde giggled as the man with green dyed hair licked his smiling lips. A bubble of laughter came from the back seat he turned around to see his princess looking out the small back window. "Batsy batsy batsy" Her low/high pitched giggle caused a crazy chain reaction as the bat mobile hurried to catch up. "Always ruining our fun,huh,princess?" The clown king shifted his gray-ish blue order into the mirror grinning making the scars on his face raise into a sinister smile at the look of pure chaos in his daughter's e/c eyes. "Not tonight! Not on my birthday!!" She said as she smiled reaching under the seat to pull out a Tommy gun. Climbing to the front seat sitting on her mothers lap she leaned out the passenger window. "Go back to the Rat cave your not gonna put a downer on my weekend!" Y/n yelled shooting off round towards the tires,windshield,and headlights.

The mobile didn't seem to have a scratch as as a motorcycle pulled up beside it. Slipping back in the car the younger women pouted looking at get parents. "He called his little birdie no doubt the replacements in the car." Y/n huffed as she dug around for more fire power. "Puddin we have a visitor.~" The red mask gazed at us as he lifted a forearm pistol. Shots were fired and Joker took a hard right almost like tron the motorcycle quickly turned into a ally to avoid being hit. "Sorry Princess might have to cut tonight shot." He said licking his lips as a thump came from the roof making the youngest clown snarl her eye crazed as she shot above her as the purple car swerved wildly. "YOU'RE RUINING MY BIRTHDAY,BATS!!!" Y/n cackled madly a mixture of her parents laughed till the magazine ran out.

They got to one of their warehouses where Jokers men were armed to the teeth. The clown mask had black soulless eyes and immediately fired the moment the batmobile entered. Y/n skipped out of the purple Lamborghini she got on her tippy toes and kissed her dad on the cheek. "I got the hooded punk. Can you clip the bats wings for me...a little present?!" He laughed as he armed himself with a shotgun. "Anything for my princess." The f/c sf/c female clown skipped away knowing that the motorcycle riding vigilante was hot on her tail. That's how she found herself on the roof tops jumping the gaps as heavy footfalls followed. Her loud laugh echoed as she leaped to a smaller building hiding behind a vent the moment the brown leather jacket came into view she tackled the tall man. They were both panting as a grin pulled on the clowns lips.

Y/n POV

"Caught ya,Jay bird." I giggled pulling of the helmet his apple green eyes covered by a second mask stared at me he chuckled as his hand slipped above his head in mock surrender. "Yeah you caught me,beautiful." Leaning down I kiss him my hands pushed into his cheeks my thumb running over the scarred J. We've been dating for awhile now ever since dad kidnapped the second Robin at seventeen. I was fifteen at the time and dad had me at his side as he tortured him.I was always there to stitched him up and put burn cream after shock therapy I didn't know how we got attached maybe because he wanted to rebel a little by talking to me or someone around his age saw the same if not worse shit.

Six years ago(Y/n 15 Jason 17)

"Why are you helping me?" Looking up his head was strapped down along with his arms and legs. I shrugged my shoulders I knew who he was if I wiped off the make up and temp dyed my hair I was the honor student in the same class as him. Jason Todd anyone with eyes had a thing for him,but after removing his mask it wasn't hard to piece together who the bat fam is. "I know what my dad has planned for you Jay. This is just a band-aid on a gunshot wound and might I say that's very unhelpful." This was the first I spoke to him and it wasn't long before Dad beat him to death.

Two years later.

I sat in the back of the car as Frost drove. We just left the cemetery. "Why are we doing this,n/n." He asked looking in the rear view mirror at me. I'm seventeen now my thoughts screamed at me. Why was I trying to bring him back? "Because I crazy that why!" I giggled as we grew closer to the lazapit. He was dressed in a black suit with red tie his body sunk into the water as I waited. A loud gasp drew my attention as he shot up a white streak in his hair. "Heya sleeping beauty." Looking over in shock he lowly made his way looking like a baby deer. "I'm alive,but h-how?" His green eyes looked at me. "A Ghoul owed me a few favors I just asked to use his fountain of youth." Handing him a towel and some clothes. "Sorry about the outfit,but Arkham does have one size fits all." Jason chuckled as he started to dry off.I realized why I brought him back. I was crazy about him.

Two more years later(two years ago)

Jason wanted to stay dead he didn't go back to His dad and brother after he realized that neither of them tried and save him. It was sad to see,but it brought Jason closer to me and he started to trust me and I gave trust in return. Blood coated my hands while some was on my face. Looking at Jay some was speckled on his cheeks taking the pockets square out of the mobsters coat I wiped it off he looked down at me his arm slipped around my waist pulling me closer my breath hicked. "Will you be my girlfriend,my little jester?" A large smile grew on my face as my arms went around his neck pulling him down further. "Gladly,Jay bird." I kissed him not caring if my lipstick stained his lips and he didn't seem to care either as the kiss grew more intense. We shared our first kiss at nineteen surrounded by dead bodies as sirens and the unmistakable sound of the armed batmobile. At least he's as crazy about me as I am about him.

One year ago. (Jason POV for a sec)

I came to Bruce I hate to admit it but I needed advice about the one think he knew best. Women. It was just a couple of months ago he found out I was alive and shocker he managed to drive Dicky boy to Blüdhaven to get away from him to get his own image and not just Robin. Oh and surprise surprise when out of robins he had a spare like a tire and it's name was Tim. Nevermind that I stood across from Bruce in his home main office he had a frown on his face. "You're dating someone and its serious and I didn't know about it?" He asked trying to deduct everything. "I've been dating her ever since I came back. As strange as it might sound,but I want us to be something more." That's when the billionaire playboy stood up standing just a inch shorter then myself.

"Life is short Jason and you've experienced that first hand if you feel that both of you are perfect enough to be more then go for it." Perfect wasn't realistic nothing was ever perfect my life isn't perfect her life sure as hell isn't she's the clown princess I'm a bat son. Maybe that what makes us so good together the fact that it would have never really happened any other way life is just crazy like that.

Present

Staring into those vexing green eyes always brought me back. We're both twenty-one him being older only by a couple of months. "Happy birthday,gorgeous." His voice brought me back as my smile grew. We were standing up now he held a box wrapped in my two favorite colors. "Awe you shouldn't have." I grab it and opened it a gun was inside it was red and gold revolver it looked like my moms love/hate gun,but it said King/Queen. Looking at Jay I reached to hug him when suddenly he dropped to one knee pulling out a box with a beautiful f/c ring and ruby gem. "This feels over due. You took care of me when I was considered enemy number one. You brought me back from the grave when my own family didn't try. And this might sound stupid,but I had a crush on you in middle school you were one of the only people that didn't give me pity after Bruce adopted a street kid." He licked his lips as he gave of a small smile. "Together we are far from perfect, but we are good. You complete me...Y/n M/n Napier become my queen?" My eyes glossed over with tears my make up running down the pale foundation. "Oh my god of course!!!" I jumped into his arms hugging him tightly before letting him slip on the ring. "I love you." "I love you more crazy." I chuckle it sounded watery in my throat. "If I'm crazy then that makes two of us. You wanted to marry me." Yep we're both batshit crazy.

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A/n: Quote= We are far from perfect, but we are good. ~Supernatural

Is it just me or does Jensen look fucking hot as Red Hood?! I'm mean he's definitely a reason to move to Gotham

Well first crossover AU in my bingo card