#sorry if the read more fails on mobile

[corazondebeskar-reads]

we stay silly

Jackson!Joel Miller x gn!reader

note: I made this post and then got dicked down too good for it to be a “tmi with toni.” also @cavillscurls said “more” and while this probably wasn’t what you meant, I am very easily enabled.

words: no clue sorry I literally just wrote this on tumblr mobile in a post-nut haze. it’s not long.

summary: you and joel have a peaceful moment for both silliness and filth.

warnings: pwp, enthusiastic consent, gender neutral language, no description of reader beyond having legs, joel can move reader around but does not lift them, kept it gn on purpose but if you want to imagine this as never stood a chance joel and reader I ain’t stopping you (bcus they live in my head at all times), sweat kink?, armpit sniffing and licking, m!self, use of slut (affectionate), breath play, rack/ssc compliant, Joel has multiple orgasms and we pretend that’s reasonable at his age

“Hey, careful. My glasses are up there somewhere,” he says while you eagerly wiggle your joggers and underwear down and kick them off.

You’ll be cross later when they’re tangled up and inside out on the floor, but his thick cock is bobbing and drooling, so. More important things at hand.

You grope around the already-hopeless sheets—pulled up at three of the four corners from your fists balling and clinging while he finger fucked you open enough for him to fit—and hold up his glasses, victorious.

He reaches for them and you pull your hand back. His brow ticks up.

“Put ‘em on,” you say, then add “pleeeease?” for good measure.

“Put my readers on,” he says flatly. “Why in gods name would I need ‘em t’fuck you? S’there gonna be a test?”

“C’mon,” you whine, lower lip pushed out playfully.

He rolls his eyes. “Why?”

God, he’s such a stubborn ass. He’s gonna make you say it. “Because they’re hot.”

“Yeah? It gets you all hot n’ bothered? You get off to my eyes goin’?”

But there’s a gleam in his eye as he slips them on. He knows. He’s felt your filthy gaze when he’s reading next to you in bed, under the soft quilt and shadows cast from the lamp. He’s just been waitin’ for you to finally do somethin’ about it.

He doesn’t need them to see the way your chest rises and falls, still panting from his relentless attention. He doesn’t need them to see the way you’re covered in a sheen of sweat, a triumphant smirk making its way back onto his face.

He sure as shit doesn’t need them to see the way your eyes go dark and you squirm a little as he peers down the bridge of his nose at you, thin scar catching in his peripherals.

“So what is it?” He says, but it lands a little more husky than gruff. “You hot for teacher or somethin’?”

“Hot for teacher,” you mouth, rolling your eyes. “No, weirdo. It’s just a good look on you.”

“Don’t get used to it,” he says, and grabs you by the knees, yanking you and the poor sheet down to the edge of the bed.

You squeak in surprise even though he’s used this move before. It never fails to fluster you as he pulls and turns and manipulates your body as he wants.

There’s even less warning as the tip of his cock pushes inside, and he doesn’t wait to stuff the rest in. Your snappy retort dies in a shuddering gasp and you have to take a minute to recover.

He doesn’t give it to you, though. Well. He gives it to you, but it is every inch of his cock and not a reprieve.

Your legs are folded between you, calves on his shoulders. He watches the way your body shakes and spreads for him; you watch the way your feet bounce. One smacks lightly against the veiny expanse of his neck.

The giggles come unbidden and he almost stops fucking into you. Almost.

“What now?” He looks like he regrets asking as soon as the words are out.

“My feet. It’s so silly. Sex is silly,” you say with more laughter.

“Yep. Sure is,” he says, though there’s something fond in his gaze as he takes in your smile.

“We stay silly,” you say, one hand celebratorily raising the roof.

“Alright, that’s enough,” he says and covers your mouth with his giant hand.

Any response you might have rather given comes out in a moan.

“Yeah, you like that, I know,” he murmurs. He takes it away for a moment to fold your legs up, pressed to your chest. His hand comes back to stifle you as his hips pummel against yours. He’s fucking down into you, groaning and panting.

He’s relentless. A machine. For an old man, as you like to tease, he’s got the stamina of the goddamn energizer bunny. Jackhammers have nothing on your man.

“Come,” he huffs, and slides his hand up to cover your nose, too, smothering you with his sweaty palm. Your eyes roll back as you shake and clench around him.

“Goddamn, that’s it. That’s it, baby. Fuuuuck yeah,” he croons, pulling his hand away before you really run out of air.

His cum splatters across your stomach, having wrenched himself from your tight grasp. “Scoot,” he grunts, smacking at your ass.

You manage, somehow, to pull your body back up toward the headboard, and he sprawls on his back beside you, scooping you close with one arm.

“Take care of my balls, baby,” he coaches, groaning in delight as you cradle them in one hand while he lazily strokes his dick, his own seed as lube.

“That’s it,” he murmurs, and his arm crooks around the back of your neck. It tightens and you gasp, face first into his armpit.

“Such a good little slut,” he moans, holding you with your nose pressed to the damp thicket of hair there. He keeps you there, feeling you groan and shiver, as he brings himself to a second orgasm.

But he doesn’t relent, even then. You’ve gone limp in his grip, but he knows you’re fine. He knows because your tongue is lapping at him lightly. He chuckles.

“Filthy, nasty slut,” he says fondly. “You just can’t help yourself, huh? Gotta have a taste?”

You don’t answer, can’t answer, lost in him. That’s okay. He didn’t expect you to. He yanks on his cock, your hands gently stretching his balls, as he eases you both over the edge once more.

[public-relations-representative]

finally getting brave enough to use this blog. hopefully will keep using it i make 0 promises though

anyway. BEHOLD. my winston headcanon designs

more extensive thoughts/headcanons and doodles belowww

i know a lot of people dont agree but as far as im concerned, shes always been a skelecog. she was built specifically for COGS inc pretty much as is

besides the radio head. that happened later, but still before they made moves into toontown. yes hes been a part of the company that long

has actual radio functions built into them. the intent is for him to be able to tap into existing radio broadcasts as a literal live advertisement. insidious!

i dont have many thoughts on this design because this is borderline "canon" winston. besides the eyelashes. which they should give him canonically.

no i havent figured out what the dagger is logically. its just a part of her ok

i guess i could talk about personality headcanons but i wont. yet. i need some content for other posts if i want to keep this blog alive

winston is in the dungeon for a LOOOONG time. im talking over 5 years baby. id make her more visually fucked up but i dont want to make details mcgee more complex to draw

if i was powerful id make more of her visually broken and those joint problems external in some way. thats for someone else to do though

several of her other not visible functions are long broken; plenty of her internal systems have long gone non-functional, including her radar, propellor, and ability to access some of her internal databanks (ie: memory)

her balance, visual and audio processors (sight/hearing) and control of her limbs fail occasionally too. her voicebox is broken (we know this) but it hasnt entirely failed.

system errors are effectively like an abscence seizure. BSOD for robots, basically

if im being realistic the whole glitching through walls shouldnt exist with how seriously im taking him. but it does anyway because i like fun

WHEELCHAIR WINSTON

this idea has lived rent free in my head for years its about time i got round to this

anyway while shes in the dungeon they do just effectively get fired on paper after a while; so when they show their face back up for real, he does just get fired officially for reals

he ends up finding refuge with old friends; william and alton. im not getting into my awesome dynamics with them here but they were close before the dungeon happened

he gets semi-patched up by will, whos learned some level of self maintenance thanks to his horrible leaky suit. will isn't familiar with skelecog maintenance though, so he could only fix some of his simpler problems

besides the external patch-ups, shes managed to get some simpler system fixes from him, enough to at least help with the frequent system errors and the glitching problems. theyre both still present, but not as severe.

everything else is still a problem though. in fact, some of them have gotten worse, particularly with his arms and legs. theyre prone to fail on a moments notice, and she tends not to go far without some sort of mobility device after a while.

IN SUPER DENIAL ABOUT BEING FIRED. he takes up a bunch of hobbies to keep himself busy now they dont have a job and makes herself a scarf in bootleg sellbot colours so they can pretend. they have to go through an arc before getting over that sorry.

can you tell this is the thing ive put the most thought into

okayyyyy thanks everyone who actually read alla that biiiiieeeeee

[val-the-flatworm]

I guess I promised so Here's a review on the '24 roundup of Surge's furry meme's.

I'm going to disappoint people i don't care about.

Let's go.

you are here

what a great start.

-

but hey i've read to the end

and pot/kettle, Rambley.

and i am under no illusion that i'm not a cunt.

-

shall i get out the old ban hammer?

also

you literally just told me to hold your gun.

don't mind if i do.

now if you don't mind, stop hiding behind a female persona, Mister artist.

Yes, it is a man. I checked.

-

this shows that for one you have no confidence in yourself, and secondly that you hold people with talent in high regard.

this shows that once you know you can get what you want, you have no guilt in abusing your connections with others.

let me show you what i did.

artist is treated as my equal, not above or below me. yes, even before i was famous. you are not better than me simply because you have a talent. we all have a purpose to serve. get in line like the rest of us.

Now they have earned my respect due to their previous actions. I treat them like they deserve to be treated for their kindness. Also, why would you commission someone 20 times? You guys need to get laid, I'm serious.

Don't believe me you can ask the artist in the pic. They know how I roll. Me and Lynx go WAY back.

-

lol sucks for you to be lacking confidence. i'm always making small penis jokes about my own 8 inches. yes, i know that would mean i probably have to have both big bones and hyper-mobility. guess what medical conditions i have. trust me, it sucks. i can't get on a busy train without getting weird looks. if you squeeze past me it's very noticeable. i don't wear sweatpants for the same reason the rest of you do. if i wear jeans in public i'd be arrested for indecent exposure. big pp is not the way, bro.

-

-

"i am going to stare intently at this thing i desire, but show visible disgust so that nobody thinks i'm into it."

bro still looked, chat.

bro still looked.

me i turn away. it's more respectful and i genuinely have no interest. oh no i'm not asexual or nothing. i'm just not that easy. get on my level.

-

gees.

and i'm supposed to be the one that's bad at socializing.

-

-

T_T

boy you gotta be content starved to even bother with this.

-

do i need to explain the furries having no game trope?

i mean, this is just a circle jerk of fail at this point.

one i'm gladly not part of.

-

yeah.

making you choose between how you want to be known.

being anonymous made you feel so powerful.

i have nothing to hide.

i'm no creep and i'm proud to be socially unacceptable.

oh no, i'm being cringe with confidence.

point and laugh if you like.

i have far more good friends and a damn fine fanbase.

sucks to be you.

see you in '25 ;p

-

sorry guys but

to quote the Douglas kids

"Win or die"

-

eat a dictionary.

my guys know.

-

to be continued...

[emotsper]

Hi!!!!!!!!

You’re like the szai person on tumblr, and even tho I’ve been playing proseka for like two years, I still don’t read a lot of the stories………

So as the certified szai tumblr person, since you kinda own the tag, would you like to explain to me why szai is such a popular ship? I really didn’t read much of anything…

Have fun!!

let me be brief (1/350) (no bc its actually gonna be a long ramble. apolocheese.) (also sorry if formatting is awful im a mobile user and I literally just type whatever)

FOR REAL THOUGH. PLEASE JUST DO ME A FAVOR AND READ MMJ MAINSTORY...... not only its a good source of szai cocaina you get to experience the entire mmj mainstory. i was normal before mmj mainstory and i was less normaler after mmj mainstory.

it simply went even more downhill when i read tenshi no clover. genuinely the one event story that first made me cry (second one was ice drop event but thats a bit biased)

okay now lets get to the main meat of it. szai.

admittedly i was kind of normaler early on but one of my tipping point was Chasing the radiance event especially chapter 7. please read/watch it. please. this specific chapter sent me into my trip of insanity when it comes to szai. it also opened my eye to specific scenes in their side stories/mmj mainsto that i skimmed early on especially bc im a jp only player so fan tls may not be super accurate back then 💔

to start off, airi was a girl that was often made fun of for being tomboyish, and seeing idols for the first time made her feel a glimmer of hope that maybe she can also bring hope to other people. she finally manages to reach her goal and became an idol after several of failed auditions (very deserved especially after her hard work) while shizuku became an idol purely out of luck from the idol grand prix context her friends convinced her to join 😭😭 From the start their relationship feels a little bit doomed with how jealousy is kind of unavoidable from airis side. but against all odds, you get to see airi go to shizuku and cheering her up by giving shizuku her towel and telling her to wipe those tears especially with such a pretty face like hers (MACHINE CLANG CLANG RACK SFX) they are so crazy for this. especially when you realize that shizuku kept the towel until now. (the towel is her area upgrade item)

from this point, airi thought nothing much of shizuku yet other than her being her new rival (and that shes rly pretty) but shizuku sees airi as her main reason to keep going in this idol stuff at that time, and that was enough.

(okay purely for this next part im forgetting a bit so do remember it may not be fully accurate 🙏)

after training minori for awhile, szai went thru a mini divorce arc where airi was telling minori that being an idol isnt all fun and games and that minori should consider quitting, continuing on with how she flopped in the industry bc she was more popular as a reality show figure. but shizuku disagreed and kept saying how airi was an idol through and through and that she shouldn't have quit, but that just tipped airi off and she shouted at shizuku, unloading all her pent up jealousy that she had for awhile now. iconic as hell scene in the most angsty way possible.

u can easily tell this wasn't received well by shizuku. at all. airi you done fucked up. shizuku left her idol group the next day.

(addendum i forgot to add. shizuku truly believed that airi was the first and if not, the only person who sees shizuku as shizuku hinomori herself, without all the idol filter that people plastered on her. so when airi admitted that she was jealous w shizuku getting everything good in the industry, that basically broke shizuku. (color of myself is a nice one to read when it comes to this 🙏 also the i am we are event is a crazy good conclusion to shizukus current arc))

at this point airi realizes just how much shizuku was influenced by her past actions without her fully knowing about it. girl you done fucked up.

this scene is still one of the biggest and strongest kryptonite for szai fans. especially with what happens after.

after confronting shizuku about her choice knowing full well its airis fault, airi, angry at herself, goes immediately to cheerful*days training place (she knows the place since theyve kinda shared the spot iirc) while the rest of mmj follows. she started threatening arisa and almost threw punches but she held back and told the rest of cheerful*days that shizuku is more of an idol than everyone in the room (i may be hallucinating this one. do lmk)

they finally leave the place, and both apologies to each other. at the same time, they both admitted that they were each others idol

and then shizuku goes to tackle hug airi. what the queer

that only concludes the mainstory section btw. upon realizing it may be too much of a recap instead of actual explanation ill be brief w the rest of it (keep in mind i dont read EVERY szai story, just ones i was made aware of bc im playing on jp and story content is a bit harder to see/consume)

Main szai crazies for szai fans

1. chasing the radiance ch7. airi yet talks again about how shizukus hands are slender and elegant while hers are short and chubby (she compared her hands to a manju) and shizuku was mad at her about this and went on a long tangent about how airis gentle hands were the ones who pushes minori and shizuku forward when they think they couldn't.

this is probably the fifth time ive read this story and it still gets me. i hate these fruitsssss. please read the full chapter ive linked it near the start this chapter is so special to me.

2. my ideal idol (airi 5, jp only event for now)

Bro i Dont Even Know What Else To Say. Just Look At This Card

but if we're being serious . lets talk about this one specific card and the story shall we.

this card was a blast to the past; pre-mmj szai again.

we start off with present mmj getting ready for their turn in the joint performance with a new junior idol group that they were paired with. airi was a bit nervous and shizuku noticed it. so she offered to do something that would hopefully lessen the nervousness for both of them. shizuku softly puts her head on airis back and whispered several word of encouragements. shizuku reminisces to the past.

pre-mmj szai. shizuku was very nervous as she was waiting for her first performance ever as an idol. airi was also there, and it was going to be her first too. airi shows up to say hi to shizuku but she noticed that shizuku was really nervous and at the verge of crying. airi knew she had to do something and told shizuku to turn around, shizuku did. shizuku lets out a little surprised yelp as she feels airis hands and head pressing against her back. she could hear airi muttering some encouragement but we never get to hear what the words were, only that shizuku thought about how warm airis hands were. (i need to be euthanized)

back to the present, shizuku says that she hopes that this gesture can somehow "repay" for what airi did to her back then. i think im losing it. sorry

OKAY IM DONE IM DONE ITS ALMOST 1 AM MY BRAIN IS NOT GOING TO WORK ANYMORE IF I KEEP TYPING..... my brain can handle so little. anyways i hope this wall of text ramble can convince u to read mmj mainsto and consume more mmj stories........ i admit its not perfect or whatsoever bc i haven't read the mmj mainstory for awhile and i have a wee memory issue thats paired with my deafness so. yeah. enjoy. haha.

[seospicybin]

TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

PART III

Seungmin x reader. (s)

Too Hot To Handle Masterlist

Synopsis: You and Seungmin become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (12,7k words)

Author's note: Sorry for making you guys wait so long for this one but hope you like it? Be careful with the angst though >,<

LANA: [Chimes] It's quite clear from their multiple rule breaks that they're not taking this process seriously. What they don't know is that this is their last chance to prove they're here for the right reasons. If they fail in the suite, then their time at the retreat will be over.

-

"Oh?"

You gasp in awe at the romantic setting in the private suite, with candles lit and the sight of the bed scattered with rose petals on top. You turn to look at Seungmin and delightfully sigh, "This is nice!"

You waddle to the end of the bed to grab a bucket of chilled champagne, handing the bottle to Seungmin so he can open it for you.

Feeling mischievous, he holds the bottle with both hands and aggressively shakes it with a devilish smirk on his face.

"What are you doing? Why are you— Ow!" You squeal as the wine sprays out of the bottle and you reflexively take a step away to avoid the spillage.

You already know that's something he'd most likely do and only laugh at it, holding the glasses high so he can fill them with the white wine.

"Cheers!" You both exclaim, clinking the champagne flutes together before taking a sip.

You look around the room and notice all the things displayed on the bedside tables, a whole bowl of condoms, a selection of sex toys and you take a closer look to read the bottles, finding out they are lubricant and massage oil.

You pick up a heart-shaped whip and swing it in the air, "Are you going to use it on me?"

Seungmin leans against the frame of the bed, "I'll think about it," he coyly answers.

Everyone else must be restless with the two of you are alone in a private suite and potentially break more rules but that's something you can think about later. For now, you want to enjoy your time here with Seungmin and he's looking effortlessly hot in his fitted white shirt that enhances his broad shoulders.

You walk back to your champagne and stand in front of Seungmin, putting your hand on his waist as you ask, "So, what's our game plan?"

He calmly sips his wine and holds it down, "I think we should keep our clothes on," he suggests.

You let out a low chuckle at his foolproof suggestion and sip your wine.

Seungmin puts his glass away and comes up with an idea, "Stay here!"

You obey him and stand where you are as he pulls the duvet, sending the rose petals littering the bedroom floor. He then takes your wine glass and starts putting it around you. You're laughing as he keeps wrapping you in the duvet and with your hands stuck to your sides, limiting your mobility.

"This is your best plan?" You doubtfully ask.

He nods as he observes his work then smiles in satisfaction, "We're not going to rule break," he confidently says.

You tip your head to the side and sigh, walking in tiny steps to plop down on the end of the bed. Just from walking a few steps away, you can already feel your body heating, "Then how am I going to drink?"

He finishes his wine to help you drink yours, instead of taking your glass, he grabs the bottle.

"Open your mouth!" He says.

It's unclear why you always submit to his wishes, you open your mouth and slightly tilt your head to the back. Slowly, he pours the wine into your mouth.

Seungmin is softly laughing at how you allowed him to do this to you and he hurriedly tips the bottle as the wine spills out of the corner of your mouth.

You burst into laughter once you swallow the wine with your chin wet with the sweet wine, "I can't even wipe it," you whine.

"I'll help you," he says, holding your face by the chin and he leans in to lick it clean.

Since it is not against the rule, you let his hot tongue lick the corner of your mouth then wipe it with his thumb after. Frankly, that feels a lot more sensual than a kiss.

"I'm getting hot," you honestly tell him, feeling your neck and back start to damp with sweat.

Seungmin knows that you also meant it figuratively, that your body not only getting hot outside but also inside. A smirk forms on his angular face that takes his attractiveness to a whole another level.

"I know," he casually says as he gulps the rest of his wine.

-

YOU: Lana, I can only handle so much. Sharing a bed with him is already hard and now you let us alone in the suite?

-

"Seungmin!" You softly call from the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the bathtub with a bathrobe on.

With the open bathroom, Seungmin sits on the bed and watches you dipping your hand in the warm, scented water to get the bath ready for both of you.

"You know what time it is, Seungmin?" You ask with a seductive daze.

Seungmin is too busy watching you to answer you, he leans back and spreads his legs open as you come up to him. You slowly walk with your hips swinging, teasing him with the ties around your bathrobe. Leaving only a few feet of space, you stop in front of him and answer your own question.

"It's sexy time!" You announce, untying your bathrobe and letting it fall onto the floor, exposing your naked body except for the thin white underwear you're wearing.

You put all of your hair to the back and then take another step closer to him, presenting yourself to him with eyes that stir something inside of him.

Seungmin tries too hard to remain calm but how? You look so undeniably beautiful and sexy, he wants to make love to you and ruin you at the same time.

You take his hand and put it on your left hip, "Do you like what you see?"

He wants to test his limits so he bravely puts his other hand on your waist, drawing you closer until you sit, straddling him on the edge of the bed, "I'd like it more if I can touch it," he answers.

You put your hands around his neck and drop your voice low, "You can touch," you say.

Then tilt your head to the side as you continue talking, "But it comes with a price."

He uses his knuckle to rub it up and down your spine, feeling how soft you are under his touch. He draws a breath and slowly lets it out.

"New game plan," he suddenly announces.

"Okay, let's hear it," you enthusiastically respond.

"How much do we have left?"

"Of the prize money?"

He nods to answer your question.

"70 grand something," you vaguely answer.

He rests his hand on the arch of your back as he uses his other hand to support himself, "How much for sex?"

"40 grand," you shortly answer.

He bobs his head as he calculates everything in his head, "If we had sex then what can we do with the rest of the money?"

You let out a chuckle hearing his rough calculation that goes against the initial plan, "You want to spend all of it?"

"Why not?" He coyly answers.

There's no use in making his answer make sense so you play along with him, "I mean... we can use it to give each other head?" You give him ideas.

He places his hands on each side of your waist, planting his fingers deep in the flesh, "And that would be how much?"

"Mmh... like 20 to 30 grand, I think?" You wildly guess.

He likes how your hand softly scratches the hair on the nape of his neck as you speak and he's afraid that he'll be too relaxed to even think about the money at stake. He decides to put his arms around you once more and clasps them together on your back.

"And we'll still have $4,000 left..." he simply resolves, tightening his hold around you and sending your breasts squashed between your chests.

"Before we get to do all that..." you pause to place a kiss on his neck and tilt your head to the side, "The bath is ready."

With another soft kiss on his jaw, you slowly get off his lap and hold your hand out at him, leading him to the bathroom. You turn around and place your hands on his chest, begin unbuttoning his shirt.

"I know how to take my shirt off," he says, taking the duty off you.

You narrow your eyes at him as he unbutton the rest and when Seungmin thinks you'll find something else to do, you hook your fingers in the waistband of his jeans, then pull him close.

"Let me help you take this off then," you murmur, swiftly popping open the button of his jeans then slowly, you unzip the fly.

Seungmin subtly smirks at you and continues parting open his shirt, putting his shirt away next to the sink. He hurriedly takes your hands away from anywhere near his crotch and puts them around his waist instead.

"I'm just trying to help," you innocently say with a sly smile.

He knows exactly what you're doing. You want to tease him, test him, and keep pushing him to the limit but you know what? You're not going to be the only one having fun here.

Without warning, he puts his arms around you and lifts you bridal-style, you're squealing not knowing that he's about to put you into the bathtub. The water sloshes out of the tub but Seungmin is too busy laughing at how the water gets all over you, but he didn't expect to get this view of your body drenched and soaked in scented, milky white water.

You splash water at his legs as a way to try to get back at him but Seungmin, an athlete with a good reflex he is, quickly steps away to avoid it.

"I'm just trying to help," he says back to you with a coy smile.

-

SEUNGMIN: No, I'm still not going to break any rules with her.

-

"Which one are you going to use?"

Seungmin probably doesn't hear you as he's focusing on which sex toy he wants to use on you, observing every toy meticulously like he's never seen it before.

He picks up the fuzzy handcuffs and hands them to you, "Here."

You take it from him and laugh as he gives an unclear instruction on whether he wants you to wear it or want you to put it on him.

"What do you want me to do with it?" You ask, sitting in the middle of the bed dressed in the tiniest night dress you took with you to the private suite.

Seungmin ignores your question again as he rummages through the tray of sex toys. After a moment, he puts his attention back on you, "Put it on!"

You're confused as to why he's not the one doing it, "Why don't you...?"

He gets on it, puts the handcuffs around your wrists, and makes sure it's locked.

"Oh, I've never been handcuffed before," you share while checking the strength of the cuffs around your wrists.

"Me too," Seungmin says.

"You're going to get handcuffed next," you blurt out.

"No," he deadly refuses.

"That's not fair!" You complain.

Seungmin seems to have settled his decision on the sex toy, picking up the heart-shaped leather whip with him as he climbs onto the bed.

"Get on your four!" He orders.

"Why?" You ask yet you're obeying him, propping your elbows and knees against the mattress.

Seungmin places his hand on the nape of your neck before dragging it down, tracing the arch of your back. Just the simplest of his touch is enough to send a shudder down your spine. He grabs a fistful of your silk night dress and lifts it to your waist, exposing your bare butt in thin black underwear.

You look over your shoulder to see what he's doing, "Be nice, pl—"

Before you can even finish your sentence, he uses the leather whip to land a slap on your buttcheek, "Oh!" You gasp in surprise.

You're still processing the first slap when he lands another one on the other butt cheek and skin slapping sound echoes in the room, "Oh..." you gasp again.

It stings a little but bearable, you wiggle your butt and decide to provoke him, "Harder, come on!"

Seungmin glides the leather whip down your thigh and slaps you there, twice and harder as you ask.

"Harder! Don't be shy!" You encourage.

It doesn't take long for Seungmin to get the hang of it, discovering your sensitive places with the leather whip and enjoying every second of it. When he hears you yelp in pain though, Seungmin abruptly stops to check on you, "Did it hurt?"

"Mmm-hmm," you confirm with a hum.

He then uses his hand to rub the skin, it works to soothe the pain but feeling his big hand rubbing your butt cheek makes you flutter inside.

"I'm going to continue, okay?" He says, indirectly asking for your consent.

"Can you grab the pillow for me first, baby?" You sweetly ask.

He does what you said, taking the pillow and placing it under you as you get tired from propping your elbows against the bed.

You hold the pillow under your chest but keep your ass jutting up for him, "Okay, you can continue now," you tell him.

You feel his hand rubs up the back of your leg and stops at the back of your knee, "Open your legs a little wider," he orders.

You immediately obey, putting a gap between your legs and adjusting yourself to the new position, "How long are we going to do this?" You casually ask as Seungmin is touching you all over with the leather whip.

"Until I finish," he simply answers.

"Then when are we going to spend the $40,000? I thought we— OW!" You yelp again as he slaps your inner thigh without you knowing.

He knows where your limit is and only slaps you hard enough that you can tolerate it, but it seems like he doesn't want to keep going, he only uses the leather whip to touch you. It's getting dangerous that it's going between your legs and he rubs it against your clothed core, making you giggling in response.

"Baby, I'm getting horny here," you shamelessly admit.

But that makes him want to tease you more as he lands a gentle slap on your clothed core.

"Oh..." you moan.

There's no stopping him now that he knows your sensitive spot, you let your body collapse onto the bed and shut your legs as a way to stop him.

"That's enough," you tell him, burying your face in the pillow to hide your flustered face.

He gets rid of the whip and hovers on top of you, his hand removing the hair covering your face so he can place a kiss on your cheek, "We're going to spend $40,000, remember?" He murmurs close to your ear.

Seungmin holds your hair so he can plant his mouth on your neck and places kisses there, hot and wet like your situation down under.

You lowly giggle as he switches to the other side of the neck and does the same thing, he doesn't hesitate to put his body on top of you as he kisses your neck.

"Mmh... baby," you breathlessly moan.

Even though you're handcuffed, you keep gripping the pillow to resist the urge to touch him. You start to your senses the more he plants kisses on you.

"We have to be good," you remind him.

"We have to— Oh!" Your eyes are fluttering open and close as he nibbles on your ear.

"We have to what?" He asks with his hot breath fanning your cheek.

You rake your brain to recall what you were trying to say to him earlier, it takes you a minute to finally get it, "We have to get those watches, baby," you say.

His body is pressing on you yet you like how you can feel his whole body behind you, including his hardening member against his boxer. He curves his arm around your neck and grabs your chin, turning your head at him so he can make a trail of kisses along your jaw.

"Fuck the watches," he says with his lips only inches away from yours.

You have your eyes closed the whole time but you dare yourself to open them, looking at him as you say, "Mmh, yeah, fuck the watches."

-

YOU: I really want the watch but... [shrugs][smirks]

-

It must be the nicest sleep you ever had because why it feels like it was only a minute ago you went to sleep and you already woke up again. It couldn't get better as you wake up to Seungmin looking like a fluffy puppy with his bare face and tousled hair, you can't help but smile at the sight of him.

"Morning, fluffy baby," you croak.

Seungmin opens his eyes for a second then turns over on the bed, resting his head on your chest, and closes his eyes again.

"Do you want to go back to the villa?" You randomly ask as you play with his dark hair.

He doesn't answer but quietly breathes, syncing it with the falling and rising of your chest.

"You know what, let's just stay here," you playfully say with a quick kiss on the top of his head.

A few minutes pass with Seungmin taking a short nap on your chest, he drags himself out of the duvet and sits with his back against the headboard.

You follow suit, sitting next to him and gently resting your head on his shoulder, quietly relishing all the feelings from last night.

As you look at him, you're fluttering inside and it's been like that since last night, like a kaleidoscope of butterflies flying around in your stomach.

"Last night was amazing, don't you think?"

"Mmh," he hums in agreement as his mouth is full of water.

You put your hand on his and it turns into comparing hand sizes, surely, his hand is bigger than yours and that's exactly why you like it.

You like it more when his hands are on you, touching you all over like he did last night, his fingertips on your skin. What you like the most though is how he knows when to be rough and when to be gentle, or how to mix those two to make you all sort of things.

"I'll always remember it," you mutter with a delightful sigh.

He turns his head at you, "Remember what?"

"Last night," you answer.

"As what?" He asks with a sly smile on his face.

The sun is shining bright outside but his smile is brighter. You can't help but smile too and before he notices, you quickly clear your throat.

"As the first time I got handcuffed," you answer.

Seungmin nods in approval of your answer. He takes another sip of water and licks his lips after.

"We should spend $30,000 before we go," he says.

It's not about the money anymore, you feel a bit sad that your alone time with him is going to end soon. Then again, how can you say not to get a head from him?

You put the duvet away and spread your legs open, "You can take the first turn to give me head."

-

YOU: Last night, having Seungmin all to myself... whew! [Fans neck]

-

As the two of you are having breakfast on the balcony, Seungmin can see that everyone is heading to the cabana and that could only mean one thing: Lana is calling them there.

"They're going to the cabana," Seungmin informs you.

You dust off your hands and join him, looking down from the balcony to see everyone is already gathered in the cabana.

"Oh, fuck..." your curse gradually turns into a low sigh.

"We should tell them right away," he suggests because admitting it right away is a safer choice, or that's what Seungmin reckons.

You tug at the sleeve of his t-shirt and meekly say, "I'm scared."

Seungmin understands what you feel but there's no need to be scared, you're not the only one doing it, you're in it with him. He places his hand on the small of your back, "We got this," he comforts you.

The trip to the cabana is like a drag down to hell, Seungmin can see that you're tempted to retreat the closer it gets to the destination. He firmly holds you back and encourages you to keep going.

"We can do this," you mutter to yourself before entering the cabana.

"There they are!" Adriana exclaims at the sight of the two of you.

Everyone must have been waiting and anticipating, he can feel the intensity of the situation which is a contrast to what he felt back in the private suite.

"Why do you look guilty?" Lili innocently asks you.

Adriana scoots forward on her seat and clasps her hands together in front of her, "Why aren't you looking at me?"

You answer with a shrug then take a seat next to Seungmin and face the cone on the table.

Thankfully, Tom sits on the far end of the sofa from Seungmin. However, he can feel his laser glare at him, boring a hole in between his eyes.

"I hope you guys didn't do anything I wouldn't do," Tom says in all seriousness.

You both decide to stay quiet and Seungmin offers his hand for you to hold which you gladly take.

Not long after, Lana lights up and chimes.

"Hello, everyone."

"Hello, Lana!" A few are replying to her.

Seungmin's heart skips a beat when Lana calls both of your names right after the opening greeting. This is it, he tells himself to get ready for what's coming.

"Last night, I gave the two of you a test to see if they could make a deeper connection without surrendering to their physical desires."

Seungmin turns your hand over on his lap and slips his fingers between yours to intertwine it together.

"If successful, they would each be given a watch. If unsuccessful, not only would they not be given their watches, but the usual fines for rule breaks would be deducted," Lana reminds everyone what is at stake here.

"Additionally..."

Wait, additionally? There's another thing to this? What is Lana not telling you both? Seungmin hates being kept in the dark like this and his heart starts to race in his chest.

"What?" You ask in a panicked voice.

"There's something I did not tell you," Lana confirms Seungmin's fear.

You drop your head on his shoulder and whine, "Oh, no..."

"After numerous rule breaks, I wanted to know how committed they were to my process. That's why if they fail to adhere to my rules in the suite, proving that they're not here for the right reasons, I will be sending them home."

-

SEUNGMIN: Wow! That's a plot twist.

-

How could Lana do this to you?

She sent you to the private suite and told you nothing about sending you home if you messed up. That wasn't a part of the deal, the deal is either you get the watch or not. And obviously, you don't want to go home, not when things are going well with Seungmin.

"You were very busy last night," Lana discloses to everyone.

Elliott chuckles and looks at you, "You went a little naughty, did you?"

You skip on answering and look away, getting back to the matter at hand.

"The question is did you break the rules?"

You admit you did a lot of things in the private suite with Seungmin, in fact, you did too many that you weren't sure if any of them were against the rules or not. At this point, you can't know if you're safe so you can only hope that Lana has mercy on you.

"Please pick up the packages to find out your fate!" Lana orders.

You don't notice the gift boxes on the table until Lana tells you to pick them up. You let out a breath before picking up yours as Seungmin takes his gift box as well.

"Watches mean you have passed. Tickets home mean you have failed."

This is it... you either get the watch and continue growing your connection with Seungmin or you go home. You turn your head at Seungmin and exchange a look with him, seeking encouragement from him.

Seungmin signals you with a nod and at once, you both open the lid and find the watches inside. You show the content to everyone and everyone bursts out cheering. Lili and Adriana come and hug you while Seungmin takes a lap of celebration, giving everyone a high-five as he goes.

Everyone gets back to their seats after the short celebration of money stay intact and no one is going home, including you. You and Seungmin help each other put the watches on.

"Congratulations! You may move to the next stage of the retreat."

Not only you have successfully passed the test but everyone acknowledging that what you and Seungmin have is not merely a physical connection feels like an exceptional achievement. Overflowing with happiness, you press a kiss on Seungmin's cheek and immediately rub the lipstick mark with your thumb.

"Please use your time wisely," Lana ends the session.

-

YOU: I got the watch, bitches!

-

After last night, Seungmin is convinced that what he has for you is more than just an infatuation or a passing fancy. He feels something close to something real which he hasn't felt in a long time. He obviously likes you, he's comfortable with you and even though the two of you are together, you always respect him and his boundaries. You're not taking things seriously but at the same time, you're someone he can have earnest talks with and that's something he rarely finds in a person.

He is not one to doubt his feelings, he knows what this feeling is and he wants to let you know that.

What you'll do with it, it's entirely up to you but he's not going to lie that he's nervous about how well you're going to take it.

The hand scratching the hair behind his ear startles him from his deep thoughts.

"You're so quiet," you say with your breath tinted with the sweet smell of the wine you're drinking.

He only realizes that he's in the presence of other people and sharing the sofa with Adriana and Vale with Devon and Elliott also there cuddling on the other sofa.

"What's on your mind?" You softly ask while caressing the hand resting on your stomach.

As he sits next to you with your back facing him, Seungmin leans in close to your ear and whispers, "Let's have a chat?"

Your eyes waver like you just heard a piece of bad news, "Right now?"

Seeing that everyone else is engaged in a talk and you're a part of it, Seungmin thinks it's not the right time to pull you aside. He certainly can do it later.

"No, it's okay, we can do it later," he says with a soft rub down your arm.

But you seem to sense the urgency in his words, you stop resting your back against him and look at him, "Let me finish my wine first," you say.

You drain your glass of wine and pull down the hem of your dress before getting up from the sofa.

Seungmin chooses the bedroom since everyone else is out of the house and the two of you sitting on the end of your shared bed, facing each other. You're nervously picking at the tassels of the cushion as you're waiting for Seungmin to start talking and after a moment, you ask, "It's not something serious right?"

He lets out a chuckle as he brushes his hair to the back only for his hair to fall back on its place, "Serious as in..."

"I don't know. Maybe you suddenly grow feelings for Tom?" You jokingly say with a crisp laughter followed after.

He props his hand against the bed, sending him into the same eye level with you, "Your guess is almost right," he says.

"Oh?" You think for a moment and come up with a different guess, "Is it... Blake?"

He lets out a laugh and starts playing with the tassels on the cushion you're holding on your lap, "I grow feelings for you," he finally lets out in a very casual manner.

But that seems to take you aback that you only blink your eyes and look at him with a blank expression on your face.

Seungmin's hand finds your hand and intertwines them together, "What I'm trying to say is that I'm going to continue to open up myself to you," he remarks.

A smile blooms on your face and it warms his heart like the first ray of sun, "That's so sweet of you," you say.

"And I want us to get a green light," he adds.

After the private suite, you understand that getting the green light is another challenge to tackle to prove that you both showing growth in your relationship.

"Oh yeah, this," you say, tapping at the screen of the watch with your fingers.

Seungmin lightly shakes the hand he's holding, "And what do you think?"

"About the green light?"

"About us," he answers.

"I like where we are now," you sincerely say with a smile that proves your words.

"I like us, I like what we have, our connection," you pause to draw a shallow breath, "I love that we have this amazing dynamic."

Seungmin likes what he's hearing from you but that many positive words are usually followed by a certain word.

"But..."

There it is, that word.

"I'm not sure if I'm ready to completely open up myself to you, that's just so scary to me, I... I just need more time," you explain.

The sad smile on your face tells him that it's not something you wanted as well and he understands that something must have made you act this way, but that's okay, he can prove to you that he's not like the previous guy or even any other guy.

"Do I scare you?" He jokingly asks.

"A bit, yeah," you joke back.

You both share a laughter then you reach for the collar of his shirt, then lay your hand flat on his chest, "I had unpleasant past... experiences? I just... the last time I opened myself up, I got hurt and that hurtful feeling still haunting me to this day," you honestly share with sadness that clouding your sparkling eyes.

It's something that Seungmin can understand, he knows he's not the reason why but knowing that you have a trust issue doesn't please him either.

"That's okay. You can take your time," he assures you.

You let out a low sigh and look into his eyes, "This doesn't mean that I don't want to, I'll keep trying to open up myself more to you," you reassure him.

And mostly, Seungmin doesn't want to force you to do something you're not even ready to do. He reaches for the side of your face and endearingly caresses your cheek, "Thank you for trying for me," he sincerely mutters his gratitude to you.

The smile returns on your face and he likes it whenever he sees it. You suddenly throw your arms around him and hold him close, taking him by surprise.

"Why are you so sweet, mmh?" You say then land a soft kiss on his cheek.

You put more of your weight on him, sending the two of you to topple on top of each other on the bed. You're laughing as you pin him under you and stare at his face with such fondness in your eyes. This is one of the moments where Seungmin is sure of his feelings.

"Stop looking at me with those eyes," you say with your face hovering only inches away above his.

Seungmin doesn't know what kind of eyes he's giving you right now but maybe it's one where you can see through him. You tenderly caress his face and trail the outline of his jaw with only your fingertips, making him tingle inside.

"I want to kiss you so bad," you murmur with your eyes looking at his lips.

"We should wait for the green light," he reminds you.

"Should we?" you playfully say then press a gentle kiss on his jaw.

It's easy to fall into temptations and it's even easier because you are the temptation itself. The way you look at him right now, how you look in your dress tonight, how your teeth faintly bite your lower lips as you look at his lips, you best believe that Seungmin is this close to falling right into your enchantment.

"I think we should wait for the green light," Seungmin stands firm on his ground.

You mask your slight disappointment with a light chuckle then press another kiss on his cheek.

"My sexy, dandy boy," You mutter as you lean in close to nuzzle your nose with his.

Seungmin holds his arm out, inviting you to rest your head on it. You carefully lay yourself down while keeping the hem of your dress down and snuggle into him.

"I feel sleepy already," he sighs as he closes his eyes.

"It's only 9," you tell him.

He drags his hand down your back and rests it on your backside, resisting the urge to grab the flesh or to land a slap on it.

"Are you wearing underwear?" He asks out of the blue.

"Why don't you check yourself," you dare him.

He's not one to be challenged, Seungmin lowers his hand until he meets the hem of your dress and does not hesitate to slip his hand under. Before he can check whether you wear underwear or not, you pull his hand out and rest it on your waist.

"Wait for the green light, remember?" You say his words back at him with a sly grin on your face.

-

SEUNGMIN: I hope she and I go the distance but I know she's a free spirit, I can't hold her down or put her in a box.

-

There's nothing wrong between you and Seungmin. However, you can't say that everything is well either. Seungmin has been doing nothing but showing more of himself opening up to you, and trying to get the same out of you.

Every time you try to do the same, there's this fear that looms in the back of your head and gets you thinking, ‘What if he doesn't like that part of you? And what if it makes him leave?’ You can't bear thinking that this amazing thing you have with Seungmin will walk away with him because the last time you did that, that's what happened.

It's not fair that you compare him to your previous partner but it's not about him, it's you, you've been living with this demon latched onto your back and it's so hard to shake it off. When you look at him as he's still sleeping soundly next to you, Gosh, you wish you find the bravery to just do it.

"You've been watching me sleeping," he mutters with eyes still closed.

"Yes. Yes, I am," you immediately admit.

You gently rub his cheek and then rest your hand on his neck, "because you're so gorgeous, babe," you compliment with a small smile.

He inhales air and pulls himself closer to you, burying his head in the crook of your neck to surprise you with a gentle bite. Instead of pushing him away, you wrap your legs around him and hold him close while he playfully bites on the skin of your neck.

You keep your giggles to the minimum to not disturb everyone else who's still sleeping in the room even though it's about time to wake up. Shortly, the lights are on and flooding the room with fluorescent light, waking everyone from their slumbers.

Lana chimes in not long after for her usual morning greeting, "Good morning, everyone!"

"Morning, Lana," you reply while half yawning.

"I would like to inform you that many of you are showing signs of emotional development and this is most encouraging," Lana says.

Oh, that's how you want to start the day: with a piece of good news.

It may be one of the few good things Lana has said in the retreat so it means that everyone is indeed doing a good job at nurturing their relationships and showing actual growth and that's including you.

Even though you're not sure you have shown significant growth, it feels good to know that Lana acknowledges your effort.

As you both brush your teeth together by the sink, Seungmin teases you by slapping the strap of your tank top against your skin. You get back to him by doing the same to the waistband of his boxer once you're done brushing your teeth.

He's glaring at you through the reflection in the mirror, "I dare you to put your hand inside," he says.

"Oh?" You exclaim.

Seungmin has no idea what he asked you to do, you don't hesitate to slip your hand inside his boxer but he catches you right before you can slip your hand inside.

"You're asking for it. Let me in!" You grumble with your hand still caught on the waistband of his boxer and his hand pins you there.

Seungmin finally gets your hand out only to put it on his chest and clamp your hand under his arm, not letting you take your hand away.

"You're annoying," you tell him but stand behind him so you can put your other arm around him.

The morning continues with a workout session by the beach. Everyone else apparently opted for the swimming pool today, you only found Vale meditating in the gazebo nearby. You do some yoga and teach Seungmin a few yoga poses you usually do in the morning.

"We're going to finish it with a savasana," you instruct him.

Seungmin sits on the mat waiting for your next instruction with hair tousled from the sea breeze and a sheen of sweat forming on his forehead. He looks handsome nonetheless.

"What's that?"

"It's basically a corpse pose," you inform.

He slowly blinks his eyes to process your words, "Don't tell me I just need to lay down..." his words trail off as he takes a sip of water from his tumbler.

"Yes, that's exactly it," you confirm.

You sit on your mat and wait until he's ready to tell him what to do next, "Lay down on your back!"

Feeling mischievous, you force him down with a gentle push on his chest, laughing when he accidentally hits his head hard against the floor.

"Now stretch your arms and legs out and away from your body," you furtherly instruct.

Seungmin follows your instructions well, stretching both his arms and legs out.

"Close your eyes..." You run your fingers down his face to make sure he closes his eyes, "And breathe..."

He stays still in that position but it only lasts for a good minute, "What to do next?"

You lightly chuckle and sit next to his body, "Next, I'm going to get on top of you..." You joke yet you sit on his abdomen and can actually feel how hard his abs are.

"And then?" He asks.

"Then..." you lean in close and gently kiss his cheek, dangerously close to the corner of his mouth.

"To be continued," you seductively whisper into his ear.

He suddenly sits up and wraps his arms around you, "but I want it now."

You shake your head and loop your arms around his neck, "No, you have to wait."

He lets out a sigh then licks his lips, "You suck!"

"I'll suck you too but not now," you simply respond to his jeering.

Somehow that earns a wave of laughter out of him and he's the most beautiful when he's happy.

-

YOU: Seungmin has a spot in my heart that no one has ever come close to [smiles] ... which also scares me [sighs]

-

It's been a good day, well, so far.

When it's time for everyone to come to the cabana, that only means Lana is either going to make it a better day or make it worse. You want the former but you never know with Lana. You take the sofa on the side with Seungmin while everyone else takes the long sofa and Blake sits on the single sofa on the other side of the cabana.

Lana chimes not long after everyone settles in, "Hello, everyone."

"Hi, Lana!" You weakly reply.

So is everyone, they're replying to her with an edge to their voices, sensing that Lana has something important to announce.

"I am pleased to see that several of you have developed romantic connections during your time here."

Okay, that doesn't sound bad but Lana is sinister, you know there's always a catch to it.

"But for these relationships to succeed in the long-term, it is vital that you trust each other to resist temptation."

Now that's more like it. 'Resist temptation' are the two words that you never get along well and whatever Lana has planned, you're not optimistic about it.

"Today, I'll be putting that to the test..."

And there goes the word you despise the most: test. You never do well at tests, you barely made it on the last one and she's going to put you on another one?

"I'm nervous," Issa says with a blank expression like her soul has left her body.

"I think I'm having a heart attack," Devon dramatically adds.

You don't want to add to that despite that you're just as nervous as them.

"...With the help of two new arrivals."

Groans are spilling out of everyone's mouth but you're still busy processing the words to react to it. New arrivals mean new temptations and you're not ready for it.

"I knew it!" Tom says with a heavy sigh.

You look around and the couples are looking nervous, including you. You're not that worried about Seungmin, you worry more about yourself and whether your head will turn or not.

"Oh, shit," you quietly mutter to yourself.

"The first new arrival is... Zane," Lana announces.

Zane sounds like a dangerous man or you just made it up in your head, gosh, you hope it's something you made up in your head.

"The second new arrival is... Margot."

You secretly glance at Seungmin and see if he reacts to the name of the new arrival but he seems calm, unfazed more like.

"Two of you will be going on private dates with the new arrivals," Lana says.

-

YOU: If Seungmin got chosen for the date, well... that sucks.

-

Not this again.

The first time, you weren't with anyone so that got you exempted from being picked and now that you're with a partner, it's more likely that you'll get chosen, and that scares you more than you let it.

"No, thank you," you immediately respond and earn a chuckle from Seungmin.

"They have selected the guests they are most attracted to from a choice of those in relationships," Lana informs.

Now you can't decide what to worry more, you get picked for the date or Seungmin?

"Zane has chosen to go on a date with..."

The males are looking antsy in their seats, you can't say the same about Seungmin but then again, he always looks calm. Unlike you, you hold your breath until Lana announces who gets picked for the date with this Zane guy.

"... Devon."

It shouldn't be a surprise that the popular girl got picked but you're not jealous at all, you feel relieved that it's not you.

"Girl, you keep getting picked for dates, Lana should start charging you for the food," you joke.

Everyone is laughing at that except for the person sitting next to Devon. Elliott is rather nervous to know his partner got picked for the date.

"Margot has chosen to go on a date with..."

Oh, you forget about the other new arrival and it gets you nervous once again but you convince yourself that Seungmin's head won't turn. Then again, that's just your wishful thinking.

"...Jeff."

You let out a low sigh of relief and melt into Seungmin's shoulder, feeling good that you're not chosen nor being tested with the new arrivals. It's better to stay away from temptations than to try to resist them.

"Devon and Jeff, please now leave the cabana and get ready for your dates," Lana orders.

Jeff and Issa have been the most consistent couple in here and even that doesn't keep the insecurities from residing in Issa's head and you can see it in her eyes.

"Remember the rules, you guys," Tom warns them before leaving the cabana.

You're glad that either you or Seungmin doesn't have to deal with Lana's test but that doesn't mean everything is going to be a bed of roses from now on. You are aware that you still have not yet done your part in nurturing this connection with Seungmin and if you want this to work, you know you'd better start working on it.

In the evening, you get away from everyone and sit by the side of the pool with your feet dipped in the water. Maybe Elliott misses the signs that you need the time alone as he casually sits next to you, looking so restless and his beautiful eyes seem to have lost their glints.

"I'm shaking. My head is scrambled like fucking eggs, honestly," he says with a ragged sigh.

You were too deep in your own business that you forgot that Devon is having a date with the new arrival and that explains the distress drawn on Elliott's face.

"This is a fucking test," he doesn't hold back from using the profanity and curses it out loud into the night.

All this time, you think their connection is merely physical but now, seeing how stressed Elliott is about Devon going on a date with someone else, proves that they do have something genuine going on.

"If she moved on with this new guy, it's going to be a tough pill to swallow," he shares with you.

You've been quiet and you think it's time you respond to him so he feels heard and supported.

"Yeah," you meekly say.

Elliott sighs and rubs his chin as he stares blankly at the swimming pool.

"Just thinking of that makes me feel sick," he mutters with a groan. His face indeed looks a little pale without the lights of the swimming pool which casts a bluish glow on his face.

Not long after that, you see Devon has returned from her date and bringing the new guy behind him, the first thing that you notice is her holding his hand.

"Oh my God," you lowly gasp out of reflex.

You nervously glance at Elliott and hope that he doesn't notice the handholding thing. You find something enlightening to say to him but nothing comes out of your mouth.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, man!" Elliott exclaims but keeps his voice low.

Guess he noticed and it's too late for you to distract him, he may sit on the far end of the swimming pool but he can see the new guy and how attractive he is. Zane is tall, lean yet muscular, with gorgeous brown skin and big, round eyes that look too pretty for a guy but a weapon if he knows how to use them.

"He looks good," you unconsciously mutter, not realizing that what you said would make Elliott feel more sick.

"They had a great time, you reckon?" He asks you.

You don't want to pour salt on his wound but you can't sugarcoat it for him either because Devon is seen smiling as she introduces Zane around to the people gathered on the terrace.

"I think, yeah," you meekly reply.

Then a while later, you see Devon is coming this way and probably going to talk with Elliot.

"She's coming over here," you mutter at Elliott.

Elliott fiddles with his shirt as he turns around to see that Devon is indeed coming to him.

You take it as your cue to leave the space so they can talk privately, getting up to get yourself out of there.

"I'll just excuse myself," you say as you turn to leave.

-

YOU: This guy is a real temptation so I wish Elliott the best of luck.

-

Seungmin has met the new guest, Zane. He's attractive, yes, it's obvious from how he takes all of the attention away and it's also because everyone is just so happy to see a new face.

You're the last one to get introduced to him as he saw you talking with Elliot by the side of the pool, you make your way to the terrace and see the new guy. He sees how Zane offers his hand first at you as he says his name to you with confidence and you take his hand but instead of shaking it, he uses it to pull you into a quick hug.

"Nice to meet you," you beam with a smile.

"Likewise," Zane says back and subtly takes a look at you, up and down in a few seconds.

Once you introduce yourself, you walk your way to sit next to Seungmin, squeezing yourself into the long sofa. You smile as you settle yourself next to him and place your hand on his forearm. Seungmin hasn't seen you for the rest of the afternoon and not expecting to feel like he hasn't seen you in ages. He misses you, so he puts his hand on yours and smiles as he looks at you.

"You look gorgeous," he compliments.

You put your hair to the back and give the end a quick brush with your fingers, "Thank you, baby."

He offers you his wine because it seems like you need it and you gladly take a small sip, tainting the rim with your lipstick mark. From his peripheral vision, Seungmin can see that the new guy has been looking at you ever since you stepped into the room.

"So, who do you find attractive?" Lili asks him.

Zane is probably aware that Devon has something going on with Elliot, he can see that as they're deep in talk by the side of the pool or Devon told him about it during the date.

Zane stays quiet for a moment, "I'm open to everything else," he finally answers.

That seems like the safest answer he could give, keeping his options open until he adds something to that sentence.

"But I have my eyes on someone," he adds, not so subtly giving you the eyes to let everyone know who it is.

Is it supposed to hurt him or what? It seems like Zane doesn't mind stepping on anyone's toes and from the way he openly declares that he fancies you, he doesn't mind stepping on Seungmin's toes especially. Everyone is aware of it thus explaining the awkward silence that resides in the room.

"Oh, shit," Vale quietly mutters before he sips his wine.

He sees that you notice the eyes Zan has been giving you and quickly looks away, trying to act like you don't know then sip your wine.

You lean to his side and lowly whisper, "He's eyeing me."

What people do with their bodies including their eyes is not Seungmin's business and considering that he knows you're with him yet he blatantly flirts with you tells him that it's useless to tell him to stop. It's up to you now, whether you want to stay with him or not.

-

SEUNGMIN: She and I are going strong right now but I don't know. Maybe I should be a little worried.

-

Thankfully, Jeff and the new girl, Margot return and burst the palpable tension from continuously forming in the room. You just want to get the attention away from you and Seungmin, not feeling like dealing with it now or ever.

The new girl is beautiful, a petite girl with dimples, and from the way she speaks, you catch that subtle Spanish accent which only makes her cuter. There's this slight fear that Seungmin is going to be attracted to her but he's not looking at her at all, he stares into his drink before taking a sip of it.

Issa wastes no time to pull Jeff aside to have a talk with him and everyone's attention is on Margot.

"So, tell us what's your type?" This time it's Adriana who asks the question.

Margot sheepishly smiles and points at Jeff who has left the place, "He's exactly my type," she confirms.

"Him? Oh?!" Adriana gasps, sensing another drama brewing in the villa.

They know about the rules of what the retreat is about but it seems it doesn't stop the new arrivals from getting what they want. Or in this case, getting the person they want.

When it's close to bedtime, you just can't wait to end the day and sleep the tension away. You and Adriana are the last ones left in the dressing room, cleaning our make-up while simultaneously talking about everything.

"Zane has been giving me the eyes," you keep your voice down in case Seungmin is around.

Adriana stops dabbing her eyes with a cotton pad, "Maybe he does want to fuck you," she jokingly says.

It's a joke if you're not feeling those eyes but you do, the way he looks at you, oh, you can feel how he wants you and you like that kind of attention.

You take a break and lean back on your chair, "I like Seungmin so much but I think Lana sent that guy to mess with my head," you share.

Adriana dumps the dirty cotton pads into the trash bin and ties her hair into a low ponytail, she seems to have something to say but holding herself back from saying it. After a while though, she can't herself ask, "Would you jump ship with him? With Zane?"

That's supposed to be a question that you can easily answer but you can't seem to give a definite one. A part of you don't want to be a hypocrite and says that your head is not turning when in fact, your head did turn a little.

"I don't know," you sigh, letting the doubts cloud your mind.

Adriana's jaws drop, not expecting to hear your hesitant answer and you feel the need to explain yourself that it's not Seungmin, it's you.

"I always do this, you know and I'm scared that I may do this again," you honestly admit.

People know that bad habit dies hard and your bad habit is being a serial dater, you jump ship whenever a guy strikes your fancy and never have any problems doing it because there's no emotional attachment whatsoever.

But it's different now because you have to think of Seungmin's feelings.

-

YOU: What is wrong with me? [sighs] Just know that things are going to be hard for me.

-

The morning comes and your heart somehow feels heavy.

You turn on your side to see Seungmin who's busy rubbing the sleep off his eyes, your feelings remain the same for him but at the same time, something shifts inside of you. What scares you is that you don't know if it's good or bad.

Seungmin catches you looking at him and you smile once your eyes meet.

"Morning," you croak with a gentle ruffle on his hair.

"Morning," he says back, catching your hand and keeping it close to his chest.

You stay snuggling close to him until the lights are on and everyone wakes up on their beds as Lana chimes in the corner of the room.

"Good morning, everyone," Lana greets with her robotic voice.

"Morning," Everyone replies in unison.

"Zane and Margot, I hope you enjoyed your dates yesterday and your first night in the retreat," Lana's message is aimed at the new arrivals who share the bed.

"I slept so well," Zane shares with a sheepish smile. He then subtly glances your way and your eyes meet, he holds your gaze for a moment before looking away.

Jeff says something but you can't hear what he said but you notice that he's eyeing Margot.

"I hope the other guests have been making you feel most welcome," Lana continues.

"Yeah, mostly," Margot responds, returning the eyes towards Jeff and completely ignoring that he's there with Issa next to him.

"As you approach the latter stage of my retreat, I have noticed that some of you still need to fully commit to the process whilst others need to fully commit to each other."

It's a mere warning from Lana but it feels like a dig at you, she knows you're faltering, having doubts about everything.

"The decision about what to do next is yours but I will be watching," Lana concludes.

And just like that, your heart grows even heavier.

You decide to start your morning by swimming, putting on your swimsuit, and then heading to the pool while everyone else is either working out by the beach or still having their breakfast. You take a few laps around and take a break on the side of the pool, enjoying the warm morning sun with the sound of the sea waves crashing in the background.

Then temptation comes when you least expect it, you look over your shoulder to find Zane is making his way towards you. You get tongue-tied as he appears in front of you with water streaming down his body.

"Hey," he greets you with a sweet smile that showcases his neat row of teeth.

"Hi, hello," you greet back, raking your wet hair to the back.

He wipes the beads of water gathering under his chin, "Saw you swimming and I must say you have good form," he says.

"Thanks," you mutter, flailing your hands in the water and suddenly don't know how to act around a guy.

"Not only that, you have– you work out?" He asks in curiosity.

"I jog, I do yoga sometimes but I like swimming," you answer.

Zane nods as he checks you out even though he has to see through the water to see your figure, "So it's all natural, huh?"

"Yeah," you proudly confirm.

"You look good, really," he compliments.

"Thank you," you sincerely thank him.

"I see that you're with Seungmin," he says.

You nod.

Zane licks his lower lip before talking, "Are you connected with him?"

"Yes, there's a connection there," you shortly answer because you're not the type to beat around the bush. It's obvious to him that you're with Seungmin.

"So... there is a connection," he says, repeating your words back at you with a hint of doubt in them.

He turns his body slightly to the side to face you and takes a step closer, making you nervous in this proximity.

"Am I still allowed to get to know you, though?" He asks with the corner of his mouth curls higher than the other.

That sounds like a harmless question because getting to know someone is not a crime but you fear what's going to happen once you get to know each other. But saying no would make a bad impression on you like this guy only wanting to know you better and maybe it leads nowhere.

"Seungmin got plenty of time to get to know you. Don't you think it's my turn now?" He says with a sly smile on his angular face.

You dryly chuckle to hide your nerves, "Sure, yeah, I don't mind," you finally answer.

Zane triumphantly smiles hearing your answer, his tongue slightly poking out the corner of his mouth before he licks his lower lip again.

"Then can I feel those back muscles?" He shamelessly asks.

"You want to feel them?"

"Yeah."

"Okay," You turn around and pull your hair to the side, presenting your back to him.

"May I?" He asks for your permission to touch you.

"Yes," you allow.

Zane uses his hands to feel the muscles on your back and you're aware that he's seizing the opportunity to touch you. He delightfully hums in approval as he applies gentle pressure on your back shoulders then backs away to stand next to you.

"I like that," he comments with an intense stare into your eyes.

It's the way that he sees you that makes your stomach tighten and loosen in a second. Worse is, you forgot all about Seungmin when you're with him.

-

YOU: I care about Seungmin but I didn't expect Zane to walk in and look like that and messing with my head.

-

Seungmin thinks that the two of you have been connecting and growing together so much more than he anticipated.

However, ever since Zane showed up, you've been acting a little differently. Seungmin always knows that you're a free spirit, you can't be tied down and he doesn't intend on holding you back.

Seungmin is sure what he feels about you but he needs to know if you plan on reciprocating it back to him, or else, it'll be just a waste of time. He doesn't want to force you by taking this connection further if you don't want the same thing with him. But honestly speaking, Seungmin wants you to stay.

Then again, the decision is on you, you're the only one who knows what you want and he'll respect whatever your decision is.

Freshly showered and dressed, Seungmin heads out of the villa to search for you. Even though most of your body is engulfed in water, he recognizes the back of your head and how you always tilt your head slightly to the side.

What he least expects to see is who you're with.

Zane is barely here for a day but Seungmin must admit that he is quick to make a move on you, touching your back and making you laugh faster than what he did to you.

Without him realizing it, he starts comparing him with Zane and looks down at himself when he does nothing wrong but does his best to grow with you in this retreat. This is why he hates competing with other people to get a girl. He knows his worth, he doesn't hang around for someone who doesn't know that.

Seungmin quickly turns around and heads back inside. He ends up spending the rest of the day by himself, he's feeling emotionally drained and not in the mood for everyone else right now.

However, Lana decides that it's the perfect time to throw a party in the villa.

-

SEUNGMIN: I'm honestly so disappointed but I don't know where to go from here.

-

It's exciting to get ready for a party because the last time Lana threw a party, it was that day you found out you were in Too Hot To Handle.

Lana sends a box full of costumes for everyone to wear for the party to welcome the new guests tonight. They're of the same designs of colorful birds and you put on matching eye makeup while for the hair, you get help from Adriana.

"So, the new girl..." Devon opens the conversation since there are only her, Issa, Adriana, and you in the dressing room.

"She likes Jeff," Adriana continues Devon's sentence.

"She wants to go for him but I hope Jeff won't let her," Devon adds as she draws her left eyebrow.

You've been enjoying the dramas from the sideline but now that you're part of the drama, it genuinely sucks. Now, you feel like you're missing out on everything.

"Did he say he's going to stay with you?" You ask out of curiosity because everything seems to be going well between Jeff and Issa.

Issa takes a breath before answering which only hints that she has sheer faith in her answer, "Yeah."

"Okay, good," Adriana says, twirling your hair with a curling iron.

Devon pauses filling her eyebrow and looks at Issa, "I hope he stays with you."

"I hope he does," Adriana agrees.

Even the most consistent couple in the retreat has its trying times and what makes you think that you're the only couple having issues right now? It's part of the growth. For tonight, you allow yourself to stop thinking, you want to have fun, have a few drinks, and dance the stress away.

You don't stop Zane from coming at you and having a dance with him, there's nothing wrong with being a girl having the time of her life. Seungmin would understand, he knows it's nothing deep, it's just a—

There goes the chime that abruptly stops the music playing in the villa.

What is a party without Lana crashing it? Everyone knows where to go whenever they hear that anxiety-inducing chime, heading to the cabana while still dressed in costumes and taking seats facing the cone on the table.

"Let's get it over with Lana so we can go back to the party, please?" Tom pleads.

No one is in the mood to deal with Lana's shenanigans right now, everyone just wants to go back to the party and have some more fun.

"I hope you enjoyed the party," Lana says, skipping her usual greeting and that never means good.

"However..."

There it is, the word that you hate to hear out of that cone which confirms that whatever she's going to say, it's not good.

"Was there any breach of the rules?" Adriana asks.

Everyone's eyes are shifting to Devon and Elliott since they're the ones who constantly break the rules.

"You can take your eyes away from us 'cause we did nothing," Elliott casually says, looking as innocent as his words.

"This morning, I stressed the importance of being committed to my process. Unfortunately, some people are still falling short of that goal," Lana announces.

All sorts of thoughts are rushing into your head, most of them are bad and you start to get anxious thinking if you've done something wrong in this retreat that you're not aware of.

"Therefore, tonight's festivities will also serve as a leaving party," Lana continues.

"Fuck, no," Tom sighs, raking his curls and tugging at it.

Adriana looks at you and reacts the same way, "That's messed up," she murmurs.

Vale shifts on his seat and rubs his bearded chin, "This could be any of us," he says.

You put your hands together on your lap, fisting them into balls as you try to suppress the thought that it could be you going home tonight and you're not ready for that.

-

YOU: My head is turning since Zane came into the picture so yeah, I'm scared that it's going to be me.

-

"Exiting the retreat tonight is..."

Your knee is bouncing and you keep squeezing your hand until your nails dig into your palm, trying to prepare yourself when Lana calls your name.

"...Lili."

"I did not see that coming," Elliott says with his jaws hanging open.

Your heart skips a beat and your eyes automatically search for Lili who sits next to Vale, she seems to have expected to hear her name.

"I wasn't open to finding a connection anyway," she says as Vale puts his arm around her shoulders.

She looks at everyone and then at the cone sitting on the table, "There's no bad blood, Lana."

You stretch your hand out at her and Lili grabs it, taking your offer of comfort with a sad smile on her face and you can't help but feel sad to lose her tonight.

"We'll always be friends," Lili concludes.

And when you thought she was the only one going home, Lana has another name.

"The second and final person leaving is..."

And you fear for yourself again, but also for the person sitting next to you.

You didn't think that Seungmin could be going home too and you don't want that either, amidst everything that is going on between the two of you, you want to stay together with him.

You let go of Lili's hand and grab Seungmin's hand, either you offer your comfort for him or it's the other way around. You don't want any of you to go home tonight.

"...Blake."

"Oh, my god," Devon gasps, covering her mouth with her hand.

Blake takes it well, he forces himself to smile even though it's obvious that he wants to stay but Lana is the one with power here.

"It's been a good time, everyone," he says while exchanging a fist bump with Jeff.

Everyone rises from their seats to bid their farewells to Lili and Blake. You hug Lili and wish her all the best things you could think of with tears pooling in your eyes. You're not that close with her but the memories you've shared here will remain in your heart.

You give another hug to Blake and despite the thing that happened, you wish him well too. You hope that the lesson Blake learned here will help him change for the better.

Lana continues with her announcement even after Lili and Blake leave the cabana.

"For my remaining guests, let this be a reminder that the choices you make will ultimately seal your fate."

This feels like another dig at you and that you have to be careful with the choices you make from now on or else... you don't want to think of anything else, honestly.

-

YOU: I have to be honest with Seungmin about Zane and this is probably the lesson Lana wanted to teach me.

-

"What a day!" Devon sighs as she climbs onto the bed.

"It's one of those night, huh?" Tom adds as he lies his head on Adriana's lap.

It is one of those nights and you feel inexplicably drained, both physically and emotionally. You can't wait to forget all about it and sleep on it.

It's close to lights out when Seungmin gets on the bed, he gets under the cover and rests his head on his pillow, brushing the hair falling over his forehead. He's been so quiet and you're afraid of intruding, so you subtly place your hand on his chest while staying on your side of the bed.

The silence falls not long after the lights are out and everyone mutters goodnight to each other in the room. You gently rub your hand on Seungmin's chest to give you a sense of ease to help you fall asleep.

Then he catches your hand and holds it, "I feel like we need to have a conversation," he says.

Refuse to talk is supposed to be the best answer but you remember what Lana said, your choices determine your fate and you have to be honest with him.

You nervously gulp air and meekly answer, "Okay."

Seungmin turns on the bed to look at you, even in the dark, you can see his gleaming eyes staring into yours and it's making you uneasy, especially knowing what have you done to him.

"I know we care a lot about each other. I've never been in this place before, I've never felt this way about someone but there's just too many question marks," he says, keeping his voice low just so this conversation stays between the two of you.

"I know you have something going on with Zane, whatever that is... I just need the truth."

You're glad that you can't see his face in this little light or else you'd be broken down and crying with the guilt stirring inside of you.

You know he saw you dancing with Zane, everyone saw but you feel sick knowing what you did before that. It's time to swallow the hard pill and take the bitterness that you deserve.

"The dance, that wasn't just it..." you keep swallowing down the lump forming in your throat.

"Zane flirted with me in the pool this morning," you admit once more.

"Yeah, I saw," he simply responds.

It hurts even much more knowing that you did that right in front of his eyes. You lay on your back and feel the lump burns the back of your throat.

"That was very selfish," you mutter with a quivering voice, "I'm sorry you had to see that."

You feel the tears coming and you put your hand across your eyes, not wanting him to see you cry. You feel his hand rubbing your arm.

"It's okay," he softly murmurs.

How come he tries to justify this? Even you realize how wrong this is, how unfair this is for him!

"No, it's not okay," you croak as you struggle to speak between your cries.

He gives you a moment to calm yourself before continues talking, explaining how he wants to handle it.

"Let me tell you where my head's at with things," he says.

He holds your hand and lets it rest on the space between your bodies, "I have genuine feelings for you that I've never felt for someone else before."

Hearing him saying that should make you happy but you feel devastated instead, knowing that you can't even try to appreciate his true feelings for you. You quickly wipe the tears rolling down the side of your face and try to fathom your thoughts into words. All you have to do is to be honest even though you know it's going to hurt him.

"Truthfully, I like you so much Seungmin," you pause to sniffle, "to the point that... it scares me."

Saying that out loud makes your heart quake like you can feel it surging through and all over you.

"But there's this part of me that's so scared of giving a part of myself to someone," you explain the thing that holds yourself back from letting him in.

You wipe another tear roll down your cheek and look at the clasped hand he's holding close to his chest. You still want this but another part of you wants to know for sure that what you have for him is real and true.

"I just think that... I need to step back and think for myself, ask myself is this really what I want," you tell him.

Seungmin draws a shallow breath and lets it out, his thumb has been gently rubbing the back of your hand as he speaks.

"If you need space, I will give you your space," he says, "but you need to tell me what it is that you want and how you want to go about it."

He sounds calm when he deserves to be upset, "I can't keep wondering if it's between me and someone else," he finishes.

You understand what he's asking you and you remember well what he told you the first time you got together that he doesn't like competing with another guy and hangs around for someone who doesn't acknowledge his worth.

You nod and respond, "I know."

You gather your thoughts and keep your emotions to the side for a moment. You think of what you want right now and let him know that.

"The truth is Zane fits my type and I feel like I need to get to know him before I make a decision," you draw a shaky breath and sniffle, "I just– I really need to think."

He squeezes your hand and brings it close to his mouth to kiss it, "Then sleep on it," he softly says.

But how can you sleep on it when you know you have big decisions to make?

-

YOU: I tend to doubt myself whenever I give myself to someone. I feel so bad for Seungmin [cries] I–I need to think it through before I hurt anyone.

-

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[xaratx1]

Not Even for You

TW: Mentions of loss

I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched my husband play with our children. Our daughter was laughing so heartily as she splashed him with the water colours while our son pretended to be engrossed in his mobile game, but I caught him smiling as he occasionally gave his father a kick and let his sister take the fall for it. 

Sipping on my coffee, I felt a wave of peace wash over me. I couldn’t be more grateful for my family - the two best kids a mother could ask for, and a husband I loved dearly who I knew would also give the world up for me at a moment’s notice. It just felt that life could not be better.

Before I could continue enjoying my life, my phone buzzed. It’s the weekend, but I also have some co-workers who didn’t have the same luxury as me when it came to life outside of work. Letting out a sigh, I opened my texts just to see who it was. 

And the world I loved just 2 minutes ago buzzed to a stop.

Channie 💗: Y/N, it’s me.

I almost dropped my mug in shock. How was this possible?

Channie 💗: I have to talk to you. Can we meet at the cafe tonight at 8pm?

My eyes flickered between the messages and his saved contact in my phone. This can’t be happening.

Channie 💗: I know you’re reading my messages, my love. I see the ‘Read’. Please, I promise it won’t take that long.

The touch of my husband’s hand on my shoulder shocked me back up. He was looking at me in concern, and even both my children were exchanging glances of worry and confusion with each other.

“Love, are you alright? You look like you just saw a ghost,” he asked me gently, sitting next to me. “I… I think I just did,” the words rolled out of my mouth before I could stop them. 

“GHOST?” my daughter shrieked, running to hide behind her brother. My husband looked at me weirdly, before he quickly asked our son to stay with his sister in her bedroom. Our son stood up and carried his sister away, trying to reassure her there were no ghosts in this world. But I didn’t miss the look of worry he shot me.

“What’s wrong, love?” my husband asked, turning back to look at me. I barely found the strength to return his glance. The nickname felt so foreign and wrong now. But he knows what happened. 

“I… Chan just texted me,” I finally managed to get out. His brow furrowed. 

“How is that possible?”

“I don’t… know,” I looked back at my phone in disbelief, showing him the messages. “He wants to meet me at the cafe we used to have our dates in.”

My husband read the texts, before handing the phone back to me. I could feel his eyes studying me carefully, trying to figure out what to say. But my own head was screaming with thoughts, and I could feel my chest tightening. 

—

“What do you mean…?” All I could hear was the ringing in my ears as I felt the world fade into a blur. The only thing I could register was Chan’s mother standing in front of me, her mouth moving and sounds leaving them but not a single word registered in my head.

“YN… Y/N!” 

I finally blinked myself back into reality. “What?”

“They said it was an aneurysm.” I finally heard the words. “It ruptured so quickly he didn’t make it by the time he reached the hospital. They just called time of death.”

“I need to see him,” I swallowed my tears as I tried to march around her. “Y/N, please,” his mother begged me as she stepped in front of me again. “I made a promise to my son that if something like this ever happened, I wouldn’t let his partner see him like that.”

“I love you, Mrs Bang, and I’m sorry but I have to see him,” I snapped.

Chan’s mother paused and stared at me. 5 years. I’ve known her for 5 years, and I’ve never even raised my voice at her before.

I could feel the walls I just put up start crumbling as the tears I failed to suppress announced their return. “Please, Mrs Bang,” was all I could whisper out. “I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t… My last words weren’t even ‘I love you’. Please.”

“He knows,” she says as I felt my legs give way, and I ended up in her embrace as I sobbed. Oh my God. This can’t be happening. 

—

“Do you want to meet him?” I heard my husband’s voice bring me back to my reality. I bit my lip as I stared back down at my phone with the texts open. Right before the texts he sent me were the ones I last sent him. Almost 10 years ago. 

Me: Hey Channie. I’m getting married tomorrow. I just know you would approve of him. I love him. He makes me happy. He’s not you, and he never will be. He could never replace you. I really thought it would be you. But I love him in a different way, and it’s enough for me. 

Me: I still miss you. I can’t believe it’s been 4 years. I really hope you’re happy, because I am.

“I.. I don’t know,” I croaked back, the feelings I had from the day I got the news consuming my every being again. In that split second, I was back in that hospital lobby standing in front of Chan’s mother. 

“Hey,” my husband whispered, as he gently intertwined his hand with mine and kissed it. “I want you to know that if you do, I will be completely fine with it.”

“Really?” I whispered. 

“Of course,” he smiled. “I know what he meant to you. You probably need answers. I would if I were you.”

I felt my face relax into its own smile, as I leaned forward to give him a kiss. Our foreheads rested against each other as we pulled apart, and my heart pounded at the conflicting feelings within me. I love him, I know I do, but am I wrong for at that moment wishing it was Chan?

“I’ll go,” I finally decided. “You’re right, I… I need answers.”

He smiled at me. “Go on. Reply to him. The kids and I will have a pizza party tonight.”

“Of all days,” I couldn’t help but sigh before we both burst into laughter as he got up to check on our children. I stared after him quietly, dropping my head back to my phone.

Channie 💗: I know you’re reading my messages, my love. I see the ‘Read’. Please, I promise it won’t take that long.

Me: Tonight at 8pm.

That was all I could bring myself to text. 10 years, and about 2 life stages since the day he left me. Or at least I thought he did. And the feeling was still as raw as it was back then.

***

The familiar sound of the doorbell rang into the air as I scanned the seats. Just as it was back then, the cafe was never bustling with people. There were people in the seats, but it always felt like the right amount to me. Enough for chatters to be heard, but not enough to give me a headache. 

And there he was. I could feel my breath physically get stuck in my throat when I spotted him. My God. He looked exactly as I thought he would… when we got to this stage of life together. It was almost as if he heard me, because he looked up. Our eyes met, and I had to fight back my tears as his eyes lit up and he motioned for me to sit opposite him.

Quite honestly, I don’t know how I managed to bring my feet over to the seat.

I could feel his eyes observing me, noticing every feature of me that changed since the last time we met. I was doing the same, but there wasn’t much new to him. All I had to do was take away some of the obvious signs of maturing - maybe a wrinkle or two - and he looked exactly the same as the version of him that had stayed frozen in my memories.

“Chan,” I breathed out. I could see his eyes soften at my voice, and he reached out for my hand that rested on the table. But then he paused, and I followed his gaze to realise he was staring at my wedding ring. It was the exact design I had told Chan I would have loved to get, and it’s the same one I told my husband. Only one of them put it on my finger.

It felt suffocating as he saw it and quietly withdrew his hand. Half of me wanted to hide it, but the other half that won insisted that I leave it to show that I was happy with where I was now. And to show that I was different.

“You look as beautiful as the last time we met,” Chan smiled. I wanted to smile back, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. “I believe you have some explaining to do about that,” I replied surprisingly coldly. Even I was shocked at the ice in my voice, but I tried to remain calm.

His eyes fell as he cleared his throat. “Yeah. That’s why we’re… here.”

My heart clenched. 

“I didn’t want to do it,” he started slowly but I could hear the tears he was holding back. “My mother was the one with the idea. I rejected it violently, believe me my love, I did. But ultimately I had to agree with it because it was the only way I could be safe. I didn’t intend to be gone this long.”

“What do you mean, the only way you could be safe?”

“Someone put a target on my back. I didn’t know who and I didn’t know why. It happened the last time we met. After you left, some people broke into my apartment and almost killed me. I called the cops, but I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry. But it only escalated from there because it turns out there was an entire group of hitmen out for me.

“I had to fake my death to go into witness protection. Trust me, the hardest part of all that was not being able to say goodbye to you. But it had to be done quickly so I wasn’t allowed that. Eventually, they found out I wasn’t even the target. It was someone with the same name as me, but I had to remain in protection in case someone mistook the target for me again. It was such a big organization that ordered the hit it took the authorities forever to finally take them down. And only then could I be released.”

What the hell.

“I finally got out today,” he let out a chuckle. “And the first thing I did was text you. I had to explain everything to you, my love. Not a day went by where I didn’t wish I was next to you.”

My brain failed to churn out any sort of reaction as I continued to stay frozen in my seat.

“I tried my best to keep up with your life but it was really hard considering I had to limit my communications with anyone. I was honestly kinda surprised you hadn’t changed your number.” He let out another laugh, before he caught sight of the sparkle on my finger again, and I could see the one in his eyes dull. Again.

“But you know, it’s nice to know you’re doing really well,” he ended as a silence fell over us. I couldn’t peel my eyes away from him. There was no way to put into words what I felt.

“You are happy, right? I kinda managed to read your texts when I was coming here. Don’t know why I keep forgetting you’re living differently now, heh,” he awkwardly rubbed his neck.

“I am,” I finally managed to get out softly. It was like all the wind had been knocked out of me and no matter how much I breathed, I couldn’t catch it back. “My husband, he’s a great guy. And our kids-”

His head shot up.

“They’re the best things that ever happened to me. I’m uh, I’m a software engineer too. So, yeah. Um, I really love where I’m at in life right now.”

I hate how much expression his eyes held and I hated even more how I could still read them.

“Good, that’s… That’s good.”

Another silence.

“Did you… miss me?”

I know he’s asking that to fill the silence, but the nature of it made me want to implode.

“What do you think?” I found the chill in my voice escaping again. “Maybe if we think of all the days I spent crying over you, every text I’ve sent you since the day to try and keep you updated even though you weren’t with me, maybe all the feelings I’ve felt since then. What do YOU think I’m feeling right now? Do you think I’ve missed you?”

His head hung in shame.

“I don’t… I don’t even know how to react,” I laugh bitterly. “10 years, Chan. It has been 10. Years. I have moved on so far in life, but you come back out of the blue after breaking my heart in the worst possible way and suddenly I am back in that hospital lobby crying in your mother’s embrace. I don’t even know if I should believe your story, but I know you don’t lie.”

I swallowed to pathetically rehydrate myself.

“My husband was the one who told me to come, actually. I was really considering not coming. But he said he knew I needed answers, and I agreed, so here I am. I…”

I let out a scoff.

“Do you know the impact you’ve made on me? Every relationship I was in after you, every milestone I reached without you. I love my husband, but I couldn’t stop myself from dedicating just a small portion of it to you. The love I have for you still hasn’t died even after I thought you did, and I thought I was honouring you by keeping you alive in my memories. If I had to choose between you and my husband, I would’ve chosen you.”

It was a full on waterworks display from both of us now. 

“And now here you are. Alive and well. If I had to choose now, I would choose my husband. And my family. There is nothing I would pick over them. They are the best things that have happened to me and I will never throw that away. Not even for you, Chan.”

Oh. I knew what I was doing to him, but it’s the truth.

“I will always love you, Chan,” I confess. “What happened to you, to us. It was unfortunate. But it has been a long time since then. I have gone too far in life to backtrack to us. Thank you, Channie. For everything you’ve given to me. I really hope you reach that stage in your life soon, where you get everything you’ve wanted. I’m sorry that it won’t be with me.”

I stood up, and gently pushed my chair in. I couldn’t face him after everything I said. I meant every word, but I guess who doesn’t have a kid in them who wished they would live out their lives with their young love? 

“Goodbye, Chan.”

With that, I rushed out of the cafe to find the alley I knew was empty this time of night. I did my best to muffle my cries, but with the rush of adrenaline and pain catching up to me, there was no way they could be missed. That meeting unleashed a decade’s worth of pain and I was the one to bear its price. By the time I finally managed to calm myself down, I could barely stand from how exhausted I was.

A car honk snapped me out of it, as I saw my husband in the driver’s seat of my car. He rushed out of it as he ran over to my side and helped me in. We sat there in silence, my heavy breathing overshadowing his calm ones.

“Do you feel better, love?” he asked. I nodded, too tired to think of another reaction. 

“How did you know where to find me? Where are the kids?”

“You’ve mentioned this alley a few times when you talked about Chan,” he chuckled as he gently took my head. “I had a feeling. Also, I had my sister take the kids. She happened to be in town.”

I nodded again in relief, as I sank into the car seat soaking in his touch. “I’m sorry if I ever made you uncomfortable with my stories of him,” I mumbled. 

“Not at all, love. I’ve been in relationships too where I loved so hard it made the fall extra painful. Talking about them was what helped ease the pain, but the scars and the memories never truly go away. I get it.”

I stared at him, and I felt my mind flood with peace. God. How did I end up with someone this wonderful?

“I love you, you know that?” I whispered as I leaned in to kiss him. This was everything I needed in life. 

“I know,” he smiled as we pulled apart. “Did meeting Chan make you feel better? Is it even actually him?”

I chuckled. “Yes, darling. It was actually him. And… Yeah. I feel like I can really put him behind me now.”

“Alright. Do you want to just drive around in silence, or do you want to head home?”

“Let’s go home. I want to see my kids.”

“Mm. You’ll tell me about what happened when you’re ready?”

“Always.”

***

I stayed at the cafe until they closed. Even then, the staff had to kick me out because I had stayed so perfectly still they kind of forgot I was there. I walked down the street, lost in my memories with Y/N. I shouldn’t have asked to meet here. Every corner I turned had a memory engraved in it. I first asked her to be my girlfriend there. We had our first kiss there. 

Spending over 10 years in witness protection really keeps you under a rock.

I honestly don’t know what I expected when I asked for this meeting. I read the texts she sent me. I knew she’s married. I knew she’s got someone new. I know she’s not who I left. Yet the selfish part of me thought I could get her back.

Isn’t it stupid? A decade. I was gone for a decade. I left so suddenly, there was no way she would have got out of our relationship unscathed. And I didn’t just leave, I had to make her think I left permanently.

It does kind of feel like I set myself up to get my heart broken. And it did break. It broke into so many pieces I don’t think I’ll ever recover. How does someone walk out of that conversation completely fine?

I saw her in her car with who I guess is her husband. I saw her kiss him and missed her lips on mine. I saw them hold hands and missed her warmth. He’s the one whose kids have the eyes I fell in love with when I was 25.

But she’s right. She has moved on when I should’ve too. She’s happy in her present and I’m trapped in our past. 

What else can I do but attempt to catch up with life?

[hannah-banana-lou]

Come back to me

Husband william afton x Wife female reader AU

it's here!! sorry for the delay. i have been super busy!!

(Pt.2)

i'm not the best at writing smut but i'm trying! i promise!!

Content warning: Marriage issues, verbal abuse, smut!!! (lots of it in this chapter!!!), age gap couple - William (early 50’s) Reader (mid/late 20’s)

UNDER 18’S DNI!!!

Come Back To Me (Pt.2)

You’re home. He kissed you for the first time in months, less than 40 minutes ago. It’s sparked hope within you. Maybe that tiny bit of affection means that he will change? Go back to normal?

Think again.

He is back to his cold, distanced, usual self. You find yourself in the kitchen. Making a late lunch for your twins. He is standing next to you. You finish what you’re doing and smile over at him, placing your hand on his. He immediately recoils. Your eyes widen, confused. Before you can question it he storms off upstairs, into his home office. Slamming the door with force, which made you and your toddlers flinch.

You spend the next few hours confused. Your mind is miles away. Searching your brain for Answers. Clues. Anything.

the rest of the day goes by quickly. running errands, dropping the twins off with your mom for the weekend. you hope that the weekend alone with your husband might provide some answers. fingers crossed.

you get home. he is out. nowhere to be found. not sure where he is or when he is coming back. the clock reads 9:00pm. he should be back by now. you made dinner, hoping he would sit with you and enjoy the meal. like old times. it's now gone cold.

Sitting in the living room, the silence is uncomfortable. you've been alone in the house before but this, this just feels weird. like you're waiting for something to happen. alas, nothing does. your thoughts are consuming you. where is he? why isn't he back yet? is he okay?

as if you manifested it, your mobile rings.

Caller ID: the pizzerias landline.

you pick up the phone, answering it immediately "Hello? will?"

"Hi, i won't be back for another hour" his voice is strained, rough. almost breathless

"oh" you respond. suspicious at the sound of his voice "what are you doing at the pizzeria so late?"

"working" he responds quickly. you hear thudding in the background.

"what was that?" more like who was that? you think to yourself.

"What was what? anyways. i have to go, i'll see you in a bit" he cuts off

"love you" you respond, voice soft, deflated.

For a few seconds you hear silence on the other end. "bye" he grunts out before he hangs up.

you sigh. breaking the silence of the house as you get up off the sofa and head upstairs to what used to be yours and William's bedroom but now it's just yours.

you climb into bed, crawling under the duvet. closing your eyes, trying to sleep. ultimately failing. the bed feels so big, so lonely.

After what feels like hours, you start drifting off to sleep before you hear the front door open and slam closed. keys jingling as they're inserted into the lock.

Heavy footsteps ascending the stairs.

The bedroom door creaks open. the landing light flooding the darkness of the bedroom.

Silence as he stands in the doorway.

Eyes directed towards your, assumed, sleeping figure. you hear him walk closer. the bed dipping as he sits on the side that was once allocated to him.

Silence again.

Staring at your back. he takes his boots off and gets under the covers, letting out a tired groan. you stay silent, waiting for his next move. why was he in bed with you?

he rolls over to you, wrapping his arm around you, hand resting on your hip, head rested on your shoulder as he plants kisses upon the skin.

"you awake?" he whispers into your skin

"mhm" you respond. soft. tired. a whisper.

you feel his hand gently move away the hairs adorning your neck. moving his kisses from your shoulder up to your neck. the hand resting on your hip, gently caressing your side as he trails it up and down.

"i miss you" he whispers out, kissing and painting your neck with saliva.

you let out a soft moan at his ministrations. confused to say the least. the mixed signals messing with your mind.

he snakes his hand down your side, fingers sliding under your pajama pants. no panties. no resistance. he paws at your thighs, before dipping his finger between your soaked folds. index finger circling your sensitive nub. eliciting a moan from you.

he growls, moving his finger down and plunging it inside your tight hole. moving it at an agonizingly slow pace.

in... out.... in.... out...

he slips another digit inside. speeding up. another moan from you. you bite your lip, attempting to suppress any thing else from coming out.

he curls his fingers, rubbing deliciously against your sensitive spot. mouth open, moaning loudly. you grab his arm, unsure why. Not trying to stop him at all.

he chuckles "Look at you" he whispers, mockingly. fingers working faster inside of you. you're close. he can tell. the soaked digits abandon your dripping cunt. you let out a protesting whine.

he rolls onto his back in the middle of the bed. you sit up, looking over at him. his cock straining against his pants. "here" he snaps his fingers, pointing to the space in between his legs. you obey. crawling between his legs. moving your hands up and unbuttoning his pants, pulling them down with his boxers. his cock springs free. standing to attention.

Big. thick. adorned with bulging veins. pink tip. as you remember it.

you place your hand around the shaft, leaning your head down, licking a stripe on the underside of the shaft to tip. mouth wrapping around the tip. he lets out a groan. a hiss.

your cheeks hallowing as you suck. hand stroking the base. working in unison. His fingers raking through your hair before grasping at locks. pushing you down onto his cock. taking him in your throat. causing you to gag slightly. he bites his lip, pulling you off and pushing you back down. thrusting his hips into the air with each suck.

after a while he pushes you off completely. you look up at him confused. he Shifts his body, getting onto his knees, turning you around and pushing you down into the bed. ass up in the air. he yanks your pajama pants down to your knees. moving his face down. kissing your cheeks before spreading them open. your pussy dripping. he accumulates the wetness on his fingers, sucking on them. letting out a groan at your taste. one he's missed.

silence.

you try to move your head up and look over your shoulder but he pushes your head back down into the duvet. you gasp as you feel his tongue dive into your soaked sex. tongue fucking your hole before licking stripes. sucking on your nub. obscene noises. rubbing his face into your pussy. beard scratching against your skin which only adds to your arousal. fingers back inside you, working in unison with his tongue. moans and groans from both of you. your core pulsating, grabbing the bed sheets as you're edging closer and closer to orgasm. getting desperate. grinding against his face as you feel your release closing in. before you know it you're screaming, cumming. shaking.

he plants a firm slap to your overstimulated pussy causing you to flinch and jump forward. you hear a small grunt as he grabs your waist, pulling you back to him.

"you wanted my attention, now you've got it" he growls out. grabbing his cock and aligning it to your tight entrance.

he pushes in abruptly. not even caring about if you can take it all or not. you did a while ago. in his mind, you should be able to now.

a loud whimper escapes your throat. he's quick to comfort you. shushing you.

"shh...shh i know, it's been a while bunny" he smooths his palm over your ass cheek with a modicum of affection.

"Relax bunny" he continues, slowly sawing into you. not the speed he wishes to go but your pussy is like a vice clamp right now.

a few soft and slow thrusts into you. whimpers and moans leaving your lips and he feels you relax. He takes that opportunity to stop lazily sawing into you, instead he speeds up, pounding into you at a unforgiving pace. moans, grunts and skin hitting each other, filling the silence of the room. grasping at the bedsheets as you feel yourself reaching peak again, toes curling, a loud squeak causing him to chuckle. a firm slap against your ass cheek, causing a red mark. his hands firm on your hips, pulling you back onto him with each thrust.

he's panting, in a frenzy as he feels himself get closer. before you know it he's filling you up. his seed painting your insides. pulling out. collapsing back on the bed with a thud, you follow suit. he wraps an arm around you possesively.

planting a soft kiss to your forehead. "i'm going to try and be better. for you. i promise" he mumurs between panting breaths.

you hope his promise was true. not some fake excuse to stall you on getting a divorce.

[theoreticalfishsticks]

Dorn X Huntsman (Spider-Person!Reader)

AN: Its here!!!

Reader is nonbinary

Word Count: 2,124

divider from @/enchanthings

The headcanon that inspired this: Huntsman and Dorn developed a little “game” they played together called Breach N’ Defend (Huntsman insists that's how it's written). The rules are simple: whenever they have to leave the Phalanx to stay at an imperial fortress, Dorn arrives ahead of Huntsman and goes about his business as usual. After a delay, Huntsman follows after him. But, instead of entering the fortress like a normal person, they have to try and break into it; and should they make it inside, they then have to locate and reach Dorn. While they have the advantage that they don't have to be stealthy about it, Huntsman only wins if they can reach him. If they can’t get inside or they get caught before finding him, Dorn wins. 

And, surprising as it may be, it was actually Dorn who originally suggested the exercise.

“I’m sorry, what…?” You look up from the data slab you'd been reading to blink owlishly at the Primarch sitting before you.

Despite it being late into the Phalanx’s artificial night cycle, you were still wide awake keeping the Lord Dorn company in his office. Or perhaps more accurately, he was keeping you company in his office. An increasingly frequent occurrence these days, either way.

It was nice. You liked the companionable silence you shared as you worked on separate things together. Utterly absorbed in your respective tasks, it had been hours since either of you had exchanged any words with one another. Until Dorn had broken that streak, at least.

“I believe it would be mutually beneficial if we were to set your skills against the fortress’ defenses,” he repeated. Leaning back in his chair, the massive Primarch casually stretches his back and neck after hours of being hunched over. 

“No– Uh, I heard you,” you sighed. Shaking your head, you lay the data slab to the side, atop the blueprints of whatever schematics Dorn had previously been drawing out. “I just don’t understand what you mean.” 

“The fortress we are moving to for the next two weeks is an early design of mine. Though it was built to withstand heavy siege first and foremost, I – of course – closed any gaps that could be used for small scale infiltration, as well. However, you present a unique threat as someone with both enhanced strength and mobility. Thus, tomorrow, when we arrive at our destination, I would like for you to try and break into it once I have entered the premises as a means of testing its fortifications.”

“Why after you’re already inside? If you wanted another pair of eyes to look for proverbial cracks in your security’s foundation, wouldn’t it make more sense for us to just go for a walk around the premises together?”

Dorn shook his head. “No. It is not merely the fortress itself that I intend to test. I wish to observe my sons’ own response, as well.” 

“Yeah, but that’s assuming I make it in,” frowning, you tilt your head in a quizzical manner. 

“You will.”

“...Oh, I see! So, there’s a security issue that you’re already aware of, then?”

“No.”

Slumping over in confusion, you can only blink at the man before you dumbly. Which he obviously must find humorous, if the way the corners of his lips twitched up slightly was any indication. 

“Though there are no ‘cracks’ in the fortress’ security that I am aware of. I am certain you will find a way in, regardless.” 

“But, you said you designed it.”

“I did.”

“So, it should be impenetrable then!”

“Indeed.”

Letting out a frustrated huff, you throw your hands up in an exaggerated display of confusion. “Then how the hell am I supposed to get in!?”

“I do not know. And that is exactly the point,” Dorn began. “As I said, there are no ‘cracks’ that I can see – but I do not see as you do. You are without a doubt more resourceful than any other individual I have ever known. You see paths where others fail to. And when you can find none, you create them. You will find a way in.”

Your breath catches in your throat.

He sounds as sure as he always does. As though the triumph of your ingenuity over his own is a long foregone conclusion, the obvious outcome. It makes your chest feel impossibly tight.

“That is– Um, that is– that…” God, you hadn’t felt this small in a long time… You hated the way your voice wavered. “I, uh– Um, I think you might be giving me a bit too much credit there.” 

“No, you give yourself too little,” Dorn says firmly. “I know you doubt yourself. I see it in the way you deflect praise with humor, downplaying your expertise in favor of others’. You think that because you lack the words to explain what makes a strategy sound or why a maneuver paid off that it means that you do not understand how your battles are won, that you succeed on luck. But that could not be further from the truth.

“For someone who did not have the luxury of receiving any training before taking to the field, the realms of strategy are not made up of words and theory. Everything you know, you know from experience. Your instincts are forged in action, an ever evolving flow of cause-and-effect – free of the preconceived limitations others place on themselves. This gives you a level of variability in your methods of approach that makes surmising your next move difficult for even myself at times. If anyone can find a way into my fortress that I cannot, it is you.”

“Oh…” Tears stung at the corners of your eyes. 

The idea that he could most definitely hear the way your heartbeat and breath had quickened makes you want to crawl into a hole, never to emerge again. It made you want to brush him off, rebuff his honest praise and tell yourself that he was just being nice. But you can't. Not with him.

Dorn wasn't one to give flowery platitudes to flatter his way into people's good graces or peddle soothing lies to protect their ego. He was precise and intentional, always saying exactly what he meant. So, whether you could believe his assessment of your character yourself or not, there was no doubt in your mind that Dorn most certainly did. He believes in you.

And you believe in him.

“I– uh, I don't know what to say to that,” You croak, trying desperately to keep from stuttering. 

Dorn's brow furrowed lightly, “I apologize for upsetting you. You may, of course, refuse. I understand that I am asking a great deal of time and energy of you on rather short notice–”

“No! No–That's not– You didn't–” Huffing out a frustrated growl, you shove the heels of your palms into your eyes in an aggressive attempt to rub away the tears forming in them.

But, no sooner than your hands had made contact with your face did you feel Dorn's own wrap around your forearms, their mass only just shy of covering them entirely. He pulls your hands away firmly, though he was likely being quite gentle by his own standards. 

“Breathe.”

Obeying his command, you close your eyes and begin sucking in deep breaths as best you can. 

Your thoughts are filled with anxiety. What if this whole proposition was just some kind of a test and you'd just failed? Given away the true frailty of your heart and disappointed him? Was he angry with you? Would he take back all of the nice things he just said?

After an agonizing moment of hesitation, you finally gather your courage enough to open your eyes and begin scanning across Dorn's face, trying to gauge his reaction to your pathetic display. 

His brows had remained furrowed slightly but they had smoothed out enough to convey more exasperation than anything else. And it wasn't an angry exasperation, but rather he looked almost… fond? His eyes held a soft gleam that cast the rest of his face in a terribly affectionate light.

If you had thought that seeing his disappointment would sting, then his apparent acceptance was a punch to the gut. It was all you could do to choke back more tears at the sight.

“Stop looking at me like that, before I start to think you like me or something else scandalous like that,” you jokingly snapped at him, though it sounds half-hearted even to your own ears.

“You are sitting atop my desk with your feet on it,” Dorn begins, arching a brow at you in an almost challenging manner. “Is that something you think I would allow from someone whom I am not fond of?”

After giving a quick glance down at your own crossed legs, that are indeed seated on top of the Primarch's desk, you look off to the side and shrug lazily. “Oh, I don't know… for all I know you're just as indulgent with all of the other trans-universe funny men you meet.” There you go, back into comfortable territory.

“Try again,” he ordered. Now the exasperation looked a little annoyed. 

“No, you wouldn't,” you mumbled, visibly wilting and casting your eyes to the side in a sulk. 

“Correct.” The primarch reaches out a hand to gently turn your face back to him. “So, am I to believe you are amicable to attempting to infiltrate the fortress as I have asked?”

“Yeah, of course,” you hum, nodding for good measure. “If you think it'll be helpful, I'm happy to be of service. Besides, it'll be a good way to work through my post-warp jitters.”

“That was my thought as well,” Dorn says. He picks up the drafting pencil he'd previously been using and adjusts his seating slightly, apparently content enough with the course of the conversation to divert his attention back to his work. 

You're somewhat disappointed to see that he's done with you for the time being, but you're happy for the chance to admire the man's profile, nonetheless. It was moments like this that reminded you why you had fallen for the primarch, as ridiculous as your crush on the man felt at times. When his methodical and stoic nature gave way to the considerate and down-right gentle heart that informed it. 

“You thought of that?” Your voice is soft, like speaking too loud would shatter the tender atmosphere. 

“Oh, no it doesn't! My martyr complex isn't your problem.” Your face felt impossibly hot. There was nothing more mortifying than having the object of one's affection blatantly point out behaviors born of your hopeless pinning. “I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were paying attention to stuff like that…”

Dorn responds without looking up from his work. “Of course. I did say I believe it to be a mutually beneficial arrangement, did I not? Warp travel makes you anxious, but so as to not disturb those around you, you pretend as though it doesn't. And since you seem to be doing so chiefly for my perceived benefit, it falls to me to provide you with a method of release.”

“I pay attention to everything, especially when it comes to you.” 

He had said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, still not even glancing up from his work. Something one might think would make his words carry less weight, even to an adoring ear. But, surprisingly, it didn't bother you at all. The sentiment still brings a fresh wave of tears to your eyes. 

“And, yes, perhaps it is not inherently my responsibility to see to your well-being and provide you with, shall we say, enrichment,” he pauses for a moment, his gaze once again flicking up to your own finally. A teasing smile ghosts his lips as they form the word ‘enrichment,’ as though you were some pet he was caring for rather than a trusted friend. “But, it is a responsibility I take on willingly, nonetheless.”

Though you let out a shaky laugh at his dry humor, you're at a loss for any words to properly convey how insane he's making you feel right now. So, instead you settle for a smile; watery but genuine. It seems to be enough for the primarch, who returns it with one of his own before once again refocusing on his work.

Letting your tears fall freely this time, you think to yourself that perhaps your feelings for Dorn were not as silly as you had thought, as something your father told you when you were younger manages to break through the emotional haze that had previously blanketed your mind:

To be loved is to be known.

[skepticdoe]

You’ll never guess who’s back, ANYHOW

Okay I am totally 100% hearing you out on trapeze artist kenny, so now I graciously request your role assignments of sp characters in a circus au 🙏🙏

HIII always grateful to see your asks!!

okay so I had to search up circus rolls so I’m going off of this one reddit post I found

this post may be a bit long (when isn’t it lmaoo)

Ringmaster: Cartman. -> he would immediately assign himself this position but he would mysteriously get a lot of funding so no one has the guts to overthrow him. Is your stereotypical neglectful ringleader who acts like a tyrant. I’ve also decided to add Wendy as his co-ringmaster or assistant because she’d be the one keeping him in check and managing basically everything while Cartman manages finance. He hates working alongside her but she’s a key worker for his circus and she’s GOOD at her job so he can’t really do anything. Always rips on her though.

Strongman: okay. LISTEN. I’m going to put Gregory here. He’s a blond British political man. His hair also looks like a stereotypical Ken doll. He’d be the generic strong blond who bends iron bars and the crowd goes wild.

Contortionist: Tweek seems like the type to freak other kids out with his hyper mobility and the ability to bend his fingers all the way back. He’d make a mean contortionist except for when he’s having a bad day and can’t fathom the thought of being stuck in a small cube

Ariel Artist/trapeze artist: as mentioned before, Kenny is THE perfect fit for this. He’s got a knack for shooting himself out of canons and walking precariously on thin rope. I just feel like he’d be a really loose limbed guy. All his fears disappeared years ago, his deaths making him reckless.

Acrobats: I feel like the girls (Heidi, Bebe and Red) would be the acrobats. They would have colour coordinated fits and would already have a history of gymnastics. Bebe would also be on silks.

Fire Performer/knife throwing: Kyle immediately came to mind because I feel like he’d have a stick up his ass about safety and then the dude goes on to shove swords of fire down his throat. Also red hair equals fire OBVIOUSLY 🙄

Manipulator (aka the juggler, plate spinner, hat tricks): Butters because can you imagine him on a tricycle juggling with balls and clown face paint? Because I certainly can and Cartman gets a lot of amusement out of it (sorry butters)

Fortune Teller: Henrietta. No further notes.

Animal tamer: Good ol’ animal lover enthusiast Stan. He’d be dangerously protective over his animals and would shoot down any of Cartmans performance plans that would put the animals at risk.

Stilts: Craig. No reason why just, Craig.

Musician: Jimmy. Cartman attempted to make Jimmy a ‘freak’ for the circus but his music is just that good

Magician: Clyde would be those dorky magicians who’s embarrassed himself several times before but he’s getting better. The crowd always thinks his fails are a part of the act so it works

Horses/Extreme Dressage: Tolkein would still manage to stay elegant while working in a circus. He’s just like that. He also LOVES his horse.

If this is a stendy au, Stan would be jealous and HATE Gregory’s flirting with Wendy because he knows that Gregory knows how attractive he himself is and being a strongman and all and Stan is stuck being a vegan animal trainer :,)

Knowing Cartman he probably has a ‘freaks’ section but I honestly don’t even want to go into that because we all know it’s full of minorities 😓

This is honestly really messy and really bad because I just discovered several of these circus roles in the last five minutes. I tried to match the characters to their job as best as I could but honestly I can’t say I’m super satisfied (not the worst I still like a few roles) 💔

anyways thanks for reading this far and I super duper appreciate this ask and don’t hesitate to send through any more!!

let me know your thoughts

[sharpedgedfool]

This turned into a huge amount of words my bad, im on mobile and can't figure out how to do the read more bit sorry yall

But I have a huge hc that shadow can't see screens the same cause his eyes work differently and he doesn't have the rgb colour cone things that most mobians have

He doesn't do well at video games or with computers and it frustrated him cause he blamed himself for not being able to process the visual information fast enough, but eventually Rouge realises he's struggling with basic stuff like reading things on a screen and without the competitivness he admits he can't see things properly but he sees words fine on paper, so he knows its screen related

After a while they get their hands on colour correcting glasses for him that work with his alien eyes and he's absolutely gutted that he'd spent so much time blaming himself

One of the first things he lets himself open up to Rouge and Omega about and it sorta opens the floodgates of 'what else have I been getting angry at myself for something out of my control' and he begins to work through the internalised shit that was put in his head during the ARK where he was supposed to be 'perfect' so he assumed that it was his own fault if he wasn't able to do something and he just 'wasn't trying hard enough'

But he's has so many things that he's repressed or hidden just because they didn't fit this narrative of 'perfection' set up by people who were narrow-minded to begin with and he struggles with letting himself just exist with these 'flaws' cause it was drilled into him so much that he wasn't supposed to be anything less than perfect or otherwise he's a failed experiment.

(projecting hard here lmao) but the concept of the 'ultimate lifeform' being disabled and beyond social norms while still being fully worthy of that title, and reaching full acceptance of themselves and becoming even more powerful after they let themselves exist above what other people want them to be is a very healing thing to explore, and a very specific type of freedom that i think is important to write for a character that narratively has had very little freedom.

Sonics whole thing is fighting for freedom from Eggman in a physical fight, but Shadow's version of freedom is freeing themselves from expectations and self-doubt, its more of a mental fight.

While Sonic advocates for fairness and equality, Shadows already been treated unfairly and is having to undo a lot of the things that were done to him that now other people are trying to prevent, and theres a sense of grief about that that I think Shadow is a great opportunity to explore that narrative.

[iamamythologicalcreature]

COC Day 8 - "Sick"

Sorry this is late. I honestly forgot I'd doodled this tiny little text ficlet. Just some randomness that popped into my head with this @carryon-countdown prompt.

Simon POV:

“I’m not sick.”

I sigh as I eye a wall full of homeopathic teas. Surely there’s something here, out of like 500 different herbal blends, that will help Baz out. I pick one up and read the label (like that will help). “You’re malnourished,” I murmur into my mobile as I read, “which I could fix, but you don’t want to bite me.”

I can hear Baz roll his eyes. “I’m fine, Snow. And I don’t get sick, so you don’t have to cure me.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Maybe this one? Is echinacea beneficial to stubborn blood-starved vampires? Maybe something with more iron in it. Maybe I should be stuffing supplements down his throat.

“I don’t get sick. I’m a dark creature of the night.”

I love how he uses that excuse like it isn’t at least partly responsible for his current condition. Prat. “You fainted.”

There’s a pause, then Baz mutters, “I took a strategic break from consciousness.”

I snort. I’m going to stuff him with iron supplements, then kiss him stupid. “You like green tea, right?”

Baz lets out a beleaguered sigh, which has a sort of honking cadence to it over the phone. “I’m not sick.” A pause. Then, “But I do like green tea.”

Right. Into the basket with that blend. “If I ‘took a break’ the way you did this morning, you’d have had me at Dr. Wellbelove’s within the hour.”

“That’s different.”

Red meat. I could do steak. I’m pretty decent at grilling. And if all else fails, Baz needs practice putting out fires, right? “Really not,” I say after a second. “I’m getting you protein powder, too.”

“That’s barbaric, Snow.”

“Oh, I’ll show you barbaric, Pitch,” I say with a smile. “But only if you drink your tea, and your protein shake, and top it all off with twice as many rodents as usual. And if you ask nicely.”

A pause. “I’m still not biting you.”

Was that hesitation? My altruistic desire to help Baz suddenly seems like a potential opportunity. I dump three flavours of protein powder into my basket, including one I know has the consistency of ground chalk. “Promises, promises, Baz.”

[frenchicedtea]

Soooo

Haven't updated in awhile sorry mutuals </3

I have a fic idea. It is very niche and specific, to the point where I don't think anyone will read it, I mean it's a ship from a YouTube video 7 years ago. I need to know if there is a fandom out there willing to read it cause I don't know if I can write without getting any feedback.

Here's it goes: SELOBERT from Flamingo lore

-kinda inspired by that black mirror episode where a real consciousness can be uploaded to a game and abused. And the myth Roblox games where you can't quit: Rust's games "please don't leave" and drags your mouse back.

-Au of a world where accessing the internet transports you there fully mentally in a digital form. Simply leaving the server will take you out of it, there are fail-safes in place in case anything happens, that's why when a game crashes and you have command task it, it's very scary. Because you get stuck there digitally, it takes a second but once the computer realizes the application isn't working, it'll fully pull you out. Same creepy applies when the game won't let you leave (mouse getting close to exit)

-If: something happens to Albert and his mind becomes stuck in the game, he cannot leave because somebody hacked his computer (or something), and his body dies irl.

-All these "games" are real worlds and real people, of course they were designed, but the reality itself is somewhat sentient, where it functions by itself, including the characters that are sentient. 

-When Albert plays Alones games, the characters in it are real but not being controlled from other people. There are ofc "multiplayer games" with irl people, there is a separation of multiplayer and worlds. Alones is a world. Developers can play as their characters by taking over their will, but it is still the same character experiencing and they remember everything. They honestly don't realize they're being controlled since they are still in character, it's only natural

-What if: Albert becomes stuck in one of Alones worlds? The "lore" becomes reality he has to survive in? And there is only three people. He must try and find out what happened to his irl body and leave the game. 

-Lore (mostly from wiki): They live in a bleak world at war with the Guardians. The Guardians are extremely powerful and invade this world, slaying most of their kind. Alone blames Selozar because he left his post when invading in an attempt to save his own life. Technically it was too late to save their kind, but Alone must blame someone in his grief. He enslaves Selozar as punishment because of this, and partially because he is half guardian and regarded as a traitor. Their world is mostly barren except for the beast, which was designed to protect them. After much torment as alone devolves into madness, Selozar attempts to murder him by dropping a pillar onto Alones head, which is what renders him half brain dead and more insane (this happens suddenly in one of Flamingo's videos). This just makes Selozars situation worse. I need to research more on what happens after this, there's the Christmas party ofc.

HC: I like the fan art of Selozar of looking like Obsidian with black and purple, as the characters are actually made of stone(wiki). Has black smooth skin, like marble, cold and hard, but still humanoid in mobility and function. When cut it's more like a scrape on a counter that can be repaired, but crumbles instead of bleeding and DOES hurt. Selozar kinda has a face, the features are there but they do not have color and his eyes are not there, but you can still see his emotion through his eyebrow movement. I personally like the sweater design, but I do not think that's how it'd be realistically. Those are his body/grate designs, since I kind of imagine him as a statue. He can only wear his hat as clothes because of his random size changes that flux on emotions and choice, so it's kinda impractical. He does wear a cloak later on which kinda of makes sense to me with his size changes, its not restricting.

Alone traveler can apparently change his color at any point which I'm going to correlate his Selozars perk to change his size (tho it may be guardian related idk..), then Alone can change his colors. 

Not sure what to with Uleanra, honestly not sure how much I'll include them

-Desc: Selozar is surprised by Alberts change in behavior, what used to be a very quirky silly man, who was trying to understand the base of their world, is now a panicked and serious person trying to escape. They'd had visitors before to visit the devastation of their world, passerbys of the war. They came from a world with more color and exaggerations. When Selozar and Alone traveled, and stole that old couples house, his eyes hurt from the colors. But it was beautiful, it wasn't often he got to see it. 

Or: Albert gets stuck in AloneTraveler's world in a universe where playing a game is being fully mentally transported there. Something has happened to the outside world with his computer, and he only has so long to get back to his body before something bad happens. And of course there is Selozar.

-This is my excuse for world building in the AloneTraveler's universe. I hate the man, but I know multiple people worked on the project, so I am going to separate the artist from the art. I have very limited knowledge on the subject other than Alberts vids, so this is going to be based off public wiki knowledge and head canon. I've tried researching more but it's buried in old YouTube and the wiki isn't very helpful on the actual world myth. I also know that Selozar does not wish to be shipped with anyone, but I am using purely the character he created, which is retired and no longer being updated since like 2020, I think it's fair to have my fun with it. This is going to treated very seriously, kinda crack treated seriously but only in regarding the past with Flamingos online persona, the rest is going to be very realistic, like Ready Player One type shi.

I have no idea why I'm obsessed with this. But I want to write what's in my head so 👍

[lynnlovesthestars]

Bg3 male matchup plz

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: heterosexual ally

Zodiac: Capricorn

Appearance: 5’2 African American hourglass body (although I’m more top heavy if you know what i mean) black curly wavy hair blackish brown eyes chubby cheeks wears glasses sometimes (im far sighted so it’s usually when driving in class or at the theater)

Mbti: infj

Enneagram: 2w1

Personality: kind smart funny motherly responsible empathetic anxious emotional moody perfectionist helpful people pleaser caring compassionate nerdy curious protective polite respectful indecisive fearful nervous introvert shy awkward clumsy low self esteem low confidence (more pertaining to my talents or personality then my looks) sassy sarcastic (I’m mainly these things with people i feel comfortable with like friends or family) soft spoken cute (my friends think im cute because i can be pretty innocent plus I’m small physically)

Likes: animals books reading writing fantasy magic sci fi anime music video games friends alone time learning personality quizzes sweets and bread helping being a part of something bigger than myself

Dislikes: spiders loud sounds people i care about not caring for themselves (im a hypocrite on this i take care of everyone else but not me) not being listened to weird holes and patterns math and tests (I’m being tested for a math disability and i have test anxiety)

Love language:

Giving: acts of service gift giving and physical affection (if they’re ok with it)

Receiving: words of affirmation and physical affection (although i can be shy about it)

Extra: i pace a lot i sing when im alone i talk to myself im a picky eater (mainly with textures) i have a cat i have minor ehlers danalos (a hyper mobility disorder) but it doesn’t hurt me like it does my sisters i get abdominal migraines which is basically like a migraine but instead of headaches it’s nausea

Thank you

hii, first of all sorry for being late, ive been keeping this ask in the drafts because of my fear of commitment (me and posting don't go along well, xD im usually there keeping everything in the draft n never showing anyone so this was holed up with some other stuff..) nevertheless here i am and i'd say you waited enough so here i go,,

I think every motherly person deserves their fatherly like opposite, this being said i think you'd pair up lovingly with Gale.

He does give that father, dad, parent vibe, doesn't he? ahah

I think you are so kind and bearing that you do need some care as well and Gale never fails at that. Not to say that he babies you, nor that he treats you as a child, but he definitely spends and indecent amount of time and effort in coddling you, making sure your every wish is taken care of, but most of all it's like he's your other half.

Before you know he can finish your sentences, he knows right away when something good or bad is happening, he can almost sense it.

I do see a lot of him in you and maybe that's why i know he'd be a lovely fit. They always say opposites attract but no one is better than someone that can understand you, that laughs at the same jokes, that can empathize with you and cheer you up..

He is protective, but he gets especially caring when you have a flare up, imagine with me for a moment.

He comes home from work and finds you on laying down in agony. Whatever he's holding is dropped on the floor instantly and he's rushing to your side, thousand questions he wants to ask you, yet he knows the pain must be so overwhelming he must first help you out.

He reaches for a few pillows, propping them around you making sure you are a little more comfortable before he's off to his study for a moment to find one of his alchemic creations and comes back, assuring you that the pain will go away with it.

As he's gently massaging the mixture on the painful areas he starts talking, as if to distract you. "You know how i know this concoct will work?" And he doesnt wait for your answer cause all he wants to do is soothe your pain, entertain you. "My knees are not what they once were, so i had to come up with a remedy" He smirks as he takes a moment to kiss your stomach. "Well the first time I adventured into alchemy didn't go so well" He chuckles. "When I applied the mixture to my aching joints they started burning, and dear me i was in even more pain" He laughs as he resumes his gentle kneading and massaging, and finally you start feeling the soothing cream gently activating. His hands glow ever so slightly as if he's imbuing the tincture with magic and all you can feel is the cooling sensation rippling gently over your skin. "Doesn't it feel good now, love?" He murmurs as he doesn't stop with his massaging, despite being done with the application he still wants to care for you. "Next time just let tara know you are in pain, and i'll be here in the blink of an eye, got it?" He kisses your forehead gently. "I will drop anything for you"

[teecupangel]

Hello! first time asker! I've only just recently got back into AC and you're pretty much the only AC blog I've followed so far (after reading your fantastic Eagle of Alamut fic) but the thing that happened to me seems very much something you'd enjoy.

Which is the Altair Jumpscare I got

to preface, I'm an ad blocker extraordinaire and put that on pretty much everything - except my mobile games. But even so, with how much i adblock the ads i DO get are very generic with very generic characters.

EXCEPT FOR ONE BIZARRE AD

A Tap-Away ad that for some inexplicable reason had Altair in it where he waved his arms like a wacky inflatable tube man and was then promptly sucked into the tapaway cube.

I was so caught off guard that i didn't nab a screenshot and I have been trying and failing to get him to show up again after 3 weeks of doing so much more Wordscape than I've ever had before to no avail😭

But it did spawn the idea of Desmond, with a burner/stolen phone, playing a mobile game and getting that Altair Jumpscare like i did which, with some digging by Rebecca because why the hell is he in an ad??? find a breach in Abstergo's database which they can exploit.

Welcome to the fandom! I hope you enjoy your stay (don’t mind the missing exit).

Aaahhh, Wordscape. I used to play you but then you keep interrupting my time with ads so I deleted you… like all the others who dared to give me ads that takes majority of the screen.

Ngl, I would have tried that game because it dared to show Altaïr to me. Then promptly delete it after a few hours XD

Alright, for this one, we’ll set it during AC2. He’s not that close to anybody yet so he sorta kinda stole Lucy’s burner phone while she was looking.

He always had a knack for stealing, probably the only thing that didn’t make William Miles say ‘again’ more than five times.

It only became so much easier when he started reliving Ezio’s memories.

The Bleeding Effect, right?

That’s what Lucy called it.

Regardless, Desmond figured it would be alright to play it anyway. It had a cell service and he always returned it to Lucy’s bag before she notices anyway.

It was during one of his free time (Rebecca said the Animus was acting fussy for some reason), he figured he can play one more level before they tell him to go back in.

The level wasn’t anything new, kinda funny that one of the words was ‘imprison’ and he got a bonus for trying out ‘prim’ (primo was a no go though and it took a moment before Desmond realized it was because it wasn’t English, fuck, was this the Bleeding Effect as well?. Just when he cleared it, the phone let out a loud static sound.

Which was weird because (1) the game’s audio was set to mute and (2) the phone itself was set to full silent with 0 volume on any kind of media.

They all turned to stare at him and he would have apologized, had he not heard someone shout his name coming from the phone.

“Desmond!”

It was Altaïr.

It could only be Altaïr.

The voice was the same voice he heard back in the Animus.

And he shouting at Desmond, staring at the screen as he slammed one hand against…

The screen?

Golden wisps wrapped around him, dragging him to the darkness behind him as he shouted, “Desmond! Find us! We’re-”

The ‘ad’ disappeared.

And Desmond was now staring at the next level.

He could clearly see one of the words was already filled out for some reason.

‘Breach’.

“Desmond…”

“Sorry, Lucy.” He handed the phone to Lucy as he said, “I was just playing ‘cause I was bored.”

Before Lucy could grab it, he pulled it back and pressed it over his chest as he asked, “Did you guys hear Altaïr too?”

“We heard him but, more importantly, Desmond…” Rebecca glanced at Lucy before she said, “None of us should have any phones at all. Abstergo could track us.”

“It’s not mine!” Lucy immediately said, taking a step back as she said, “I don’t know why you think that’s my phone, Desmond.”

“What?” Desmond blinked, “But… I took this from your bag…”

“Shit.” Rebecca’s eyes widened as she realized, “Did… Did Abstergo plant that in your bag, Lucy?”

“What?” Lucy turned to stare at Rebecca.

“That’s not possible. We’re the ones who brought that bag here, remember?” Shaun reminded Rebecca, “And we’re absolutely sure we didn’t put that phone there.”

“Then… who did?” Rebecca frowned as she mumbled.

“We need to get out of here.” Shaun said, “Desmond, turn that phone off and give it to Rebecca. She’ll check it.”

“Wait-”

“We don’t have to tell Bill about this.” Shaun said, “That phone could have easily given Abstergo our location. We need to move.”

Lucy’s eyes widened when Desmond gave the phone to Rebecca and she said, “We need to destroy it then. To keep us safe!”

“What? No!” Desmond stepped forward to cover Rebecca.

No.

To cover the phone.

“Altaïr just used it to contact me. We need to know how it was able to do that.”

“It’s a risk but he’s right, that Altaïr could have just as easily been a trap but we need to be sure.” Shaun was already taking down the papers on his corkboard as he said, “Come on, Lucy, let’s pack as quickly as we can. We can contact Bill on the move.”

Desmond frowned.

Lucy looked pale.

Was she afraid that Abstergo already knew their connection.

“Hey.” Desmond placed a hand on her shoulder, feeling her freeze. He smiled at her as he said, “We’ll be fine.”

His smile grew as he said, “I’ll kill any Templar coming our way, okay?”

[shampaisthinking]

We are creating a restless generation!

Believe it or not, this generation has no specific goals. They have no ideological ambitions. They have no sacred mission.

They don't read books, they don't read newspapers. They are also reluctant to play outdoor sports.

They don't like walking in the sun. They don't want to get wet in the rain. They are allergic to mud, grass, and leaves. They wait for half an hour for a rickshaw to go to a half-kilometer destination.

They are restless. A very restless generation.

They will not greet unfamiliar seniors. They will walk past them and walk away. Or they will walk away with their feet touching their bodies. They have no tendency to say sorry. They will engage in pointless arguments. You will not get a polite attitude, nor will you get a sense of gratitude. Their arrogant behavior and proud gait will make you cower in fear. If you try to advise them to be restrained, there is a high chance of danger and harm.

You are riding a public bus, and you will see that the youngest boy will compete more for a vacant seat. He will push you and sit down. He has nothing to do except stand and watch you, who are twice his age.

I was talking about this generation. In the most terrible sedition, this generation is supposed to stand in the assembly, but they find a chair for themselves. Where they are supposed to be silent, they try to impart knowledge.

They stay online all night, sleep all morning. They do not see the sunrise, they do not see the sunset. They are in bed at sunrise, they are on their mobile at sunset.

They are addicted to fast food.

They dislike outdoor games. They find comfort indoors. To put it bluntly, online games are their first priority.

They do not read history. They do not understand literature. They do not know Nazrul, they do not know Rabindranath, they do not know Farrukh. Saadi, Rumi, Hafiz are very unfamiliar topics. They don't understand books, they don't read books, they don't buy books.

They are non-skilled. They can't walk, they can't run, they don't know how to climb trees, they can't swim. They don't have the courage to cross the ocean, they don't have the indomitable willpower to cut through mountains and make a path. They don't have enthusiasm. They don't have passion. They don't have honest courage. Their only skill is to be able to scroll through a smart phone quickly.

They don't have values, they don't have respect, they don't have discipline.

They don't know when to move, when to stop, when to speak, when to listen. They don't even know what they don't know.

Whatever you do in life, don't hand over the key to your happiness to someone else. Never be so dependent on someone that their slightest negligence makes you feel bad, especially mentally.

Are you sad? Then listen to Manna De's songs. Make yourself a cup of steaming coffee. Take a walk in the sweet afternoon sun. Or immerse yourself in a book by your favorite author. If you have any creativity, let it be your companion.

Giving statuses mocking others, expressing your sorrows and weaknesses in front of everyone—these are not signs of a mature mentality. If you feel too lonely or upset, darken the room and sit quietly for a while, pray.

Remember old memories, laugh, cry—but develop such a relationship with yourself that even if you don't find anyone in the days of sorrow, you can become your closest friend.

If you succeed in something, reward yourself. If you fail, be a little proud of yourself, but don't give up. But never make the mistake of looking for your perfection in the eyes of others.

Because, people will always prefer to see your flaws more than your virtues. If you can, that is enough. Consider it normal to eat alone at a restaurant, don't feel ridiculous spending time alone in a park.

Make yourself financially independent, so that if you are in a bad mood, you can buy yourself a piece of chocolate, give yourself a nice gift on your birthday. Share the joy of your birthday with underprivileged children, buy yourself your favorite clothes.

Gift yourself some flowers occasionally. Keep a flower in the corner of your room, its beautiful fragrance will make you feel good. It is not your responsibility to win everyone's heart, because no one in the world has been able to be acceptable to everyone. So learn to say "no" where necessary.

"My parents don't understand me, my friends don't give me time, my close people neglect me" - don't indulge in these thoughts. Because these are actually your own created mental stress.

Why make yourself a cause of annoyance for others? Instead, develop a personality in which your presence creates a sense of respect.

Shampa....... ✍️

[demiromantic-daily]

Hi! In one answer to an ask you said about going to media and how they describe romantic attraction to understand it. However, media portrayals of romantic attraction are often unrealistic even to alloromantic people ("love at first sight"), and initial crushes are often mainly expressed sexually because they are from an allo perspective where sexual and romantic attraction are often experienced as one compound attraction, so it's hard to separate the romance. They also sometimes describe something that could easily also apply to a squish. Once they get more specific in a traditionally romantic sense, they're already at the "I love you" stage, all of which makes it hard to figure out initial romantic attraction, especially when your sexual attraction doesn't align with it.

Hi! Sorry, my inbox on my main browser doesn't show my top asks anymore so I keep forgetting to go and answer this in another browser. Hate typing on mobile. break because this got long.

So I really just think media can be a good place to look to start to get an idea of romantic attraction/love. It's really not going to give you all the answers and absolutely will give you some inaccurate ideas but if you have no idea what it might be, then it's not a bad place to look to get a sense for it. Obviously good couples in your real life can be good too, but not everyone might have that and I think fiction is a great way to get a sense for what things feel like when experienced, and what love might look like behind closed doors. Not in a sexual sense, necessarily, just that observing couples in your life might not give you a full picture. But for sure a more realistic one than media, lol.

I am a sucker for romcoms but like. There are a lot of really bad ones. And most are unrealistic in a lot of ways. Mostly I think they fail in showing people falling in love way too quickly (I think the natural need to rush plot for 1h30m romcoms is a factor here, especially if the movie is more interested in exploring people in a relationship than the journey to getting into one. which isn't a criticism, some movies just do different things.) and are a bit too optimistic about characters' chances of staying together forever. Like obviously most fiction is meant as escapist fantasies for the viewer so fair enough but like so often the hurdles couples in movies have to overcome are ones that people in real life would break up over. And outside circumstances might not magically fix themselves to the couple's advantage.

I think TV can be great for showing slow development of relationships and a building of feelings. There's just more time for it and it can be a good plot point for two characters to go from friends/coworkers to into each other. These crushes aren't usually shown as primarily sexual.

Books are really where it's at for me, mostly because I love books, but I think the ability to exist in a character's head is really helpful for this sort of thing. Again, things can be not realistic and very often that's the case. Certain genres are better at being realistic than others. Like I won't say read exclusively women's fiction* sad books because that'll give an unrealistically dower perspective, but that's a reality a lot of the time too. So balance that sort of thing, at least.

*women's fiction is a term that should not be the name of the genre but like. it doesn't have another name, really. literary books focussing on relationships between people.

I think the big thing for me for squish vs crush is do I want to do things I feel are romantic with this person or not? I don't hold my friends hands or make out with them or whatever. Other people might be different and that's fine but to me those are romantic attraction things. Squishes I want to hang out and really really want to be their friend and make them laugh and whatnot. And so fiction can be a place to see ok what are those romantic attraction things, for a lot of people? I think also for me I don't really get to a place of having a crush until I am just about in love. Like the leap from one to the other is not very big. I need to feel a lot for a person to notice it's romantic and by that point it's pretty close to love. Again, this won't be the case for all demi people, but probably for many.

I'll shout out some fictional media about romance and not much about sex that I think is good at realism (these accidentally lean optimistic; that is my personal preference biasing this, sorry):

Past Lives (movie; focusses a lot on human connection more broadly but is very specifically focussed on romance; beautiful movie, just generally, also)

Emma (movie, I personally love the 2020 one; I'd also recommend Pride & Prejudice but I think Emma does a bit better job at looking at liking someone as a friend vs as a romantic partner)

Straight Up (movie, mostly about what to me reads as a queerplatonic relationship, it does talk about sex but in a way that feels pretty ace or ace-adjacent, it's really good and I love it a lot; it's not about romance, so much as the lack of it)

New Girl (tv; a fair bit about sex but, with the main couple, acknowledges the difference between their sexual and romantic attraction to one another)

The Office (tv; not my favourite show but it's decent and this is a great friendship-to-romantic-relationship-that-is-still-a-great-friendship)

Good Omens (tv; find Alternative Means to watch this, due to recent allegations, but it's still great; to me it read as very queerplatonic, until it wasn't. most people seemed to think it was romantic the whole time and I guess the latest season was written with that in mind (the first wasn't) so it's up to you what you see. either way they are canonically ace.)

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (book; there is a movie but the book is so much better and also the best book ever)

The Lunar Chronicles (book series; each book features a different main character and a romance subplot and each couple is very different from the last which is awesome and gives a wide variety but also this series is incredible in every other way)

Heartstopper (graphic novels/webcomics; a bit less overwhelmingly cheesy in comic form and so I really love them (the show is good too); it's got loads of stuff about attraction and love and friendship etc and I think it being written by an aroace person gives it a really good perspective on all that)

it's sort of relevant because some of the things recommended here are on prime, but there's a movement to cancel your prime subscriptions on Mar 7-14, 2025 (now), due to CEO Jeff Bezos' recent actions wrt American politics, so if that's relevant to any of you, please consider it!