#sorry if my wording doesn’t make sense my head has been detached it feels like 🙃

[yeehawpurgatory]

Hello!! I never turn down an opportunity to be nosey!!

🥤🍬🏜️

Hello!!!!

🥤—> an author or fanfic I love & recommend

Has to be this wonderful fic gifted to me by the sweet @samblerambles 🥹 after we went back and forth about this idea

🍬—> an unpopular opinion about a popular character

Arthur Morgan. I think my most unpopular opinion is less about him and more about the interpretations of him. All those posts of him being the gang’s older brother, a victim of Dutch and Hosea’s ‘grooming’ and a good man who takes no pleasure in the life he leads, those are mostly nonsense in my opinion. I think folks really want him to be all these things but he’s just not. I could elaborate but I don’t think anyone cares about it tbh 😩

Since I almost couldn’t figure out whether to use John or Arthur for this question here’s them both. John Marston. My most unpopular opinion surrounding him, is that I understand his unwillingness to be a father and husband, and if I were him I’d be in the same boat. All in all, I don’t think him turning Abigail and Jack away was all that despicable at all, I actually think him warming up to them felt very abrupt. Not that it shouldn’t happen, but that it should’ve happened in a different way.

🏜️—> favourite type of comment to receive on work

Has to be those paragraphs that begin as borderline nonsensical ramblings consisting of “screaming!” “How could you do this 😫!” “WHYY?!” those are pretty sweet to get :,)—tied with more eloquent comments of folks saying my writing made them cry. My favourite things to hear are that my writing made them sit down and wipe away tears after they put the fic down. It tells me it’s really impactful.

Thanks for the questions! 🤩

[discordantwritings]

Our Precious Assistant Pt. 3 (Cross Guild x Reader)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 4.5

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, gn!afab reader, sub!reader, sub!Buggy, dom!Mihawk, dom!Crocodile, exhibitionism, vouyerism, cockwarming, PiV sex, oral sex, mastrubation, inappropriate use of Buggy’s devil fruit powers, creampie

WC: 4.3k

Summary: You get some much needed TLC and start your new work routine. Which, of course, involves some fooling around at work.

Note: I mean it was only a matter of time before Buggy’s dick being detachable was going to come up. I hope you guys like the dynamics in this one with not everyone participating at once but everyone still getting some love.

You realize you’re sore before you realize you’re awake. Slowly remembering the events of last night and earlier it all makes sense. Buggy’s arms are wrapped tight around your midsection and you have just enough room to twist around in his grasp.

His face paint had gotten washed off at some point and you can’t help but admire his features without the layer of makeup. Tracing your fingers over his jaw you feel the stubble there, coarse but the sensation isn’t bad.

Your touch stirs Buggy awake and without opening his eyes he pull you in tighter.

“Just five more minutes…” He mumbles, his face buried in your chest.

“Buggy it’s late we should get up.” You press a kiss to the top of his head and push him, but he’s stronger than you.

“Mmmm but I like where I am.” He nuzzles in and you feel that stubble rub against you.

“But I need to take a shower or something.” At this Buggy perks up, withdrawing his face from your boobs. “Croc has the best bathtub.”

So that’s how you ended up soaking with Buggy in the largest bathtub you’ve ever seen. It comfortably fits both of you and you’re pretty sure one or two more people could squeeze in here. Despite how much space you could have you’re right next to Buggy, leaning into his shoulder while you let the warm water soothe your body. Buggy has put heaps of bath salts and other soaps into the bath and the fragrances nearly put you back to sleep.

“Next time we should wait until we aren’t already bruised to get in trouble.” You muse.

“Sorry to break the news but you’re never not going to be bruised. Both of them love marking their territory.” Buggy leans and grabs some shampoo from the side of the bath. You take the bottle from him and he shoots you a confused look.

“Let me wash your hair.” You offer.

His eyes light up and you can’t help but giggle as he eagerly repositions himself in front of you. You take your time with his long blue hair and revel in the intimacy of the moment. When you’re done he returns the favor and you feel the remaining tension leave your body as he scrubs shampoo into your scalp. The both of your are just as languid finishing bathing and you don’t hop out until the bath has gone cold.

It takes a bit to get dressed again since your clothes had been thrown to every corner of the room but you manage to get dressed- well, most of the way.

“Buggy? Have you seen my underwear?” You call out, your check under the bed unsuccessful.

“Me? No. I mean I don’t think you came in wearing any.” His words have you immediately whipping around to look at him.

The edge of your underwear hangs out of his pocket while he wears a shit eating grin. You sigh and slip on your pants knowing you won’t win this battle.

“Let’s go get some dinner.” It’s been way too long since you last ate and after all your body has been through you need to recharge.

“Let’s get Croc and Mihawk one of them always pays for the good stuff.” Buggy takes your arm in his as you walk out of the bedroom and to the offices.

You find Mihawk and Crocodile in their respective offices and it’s doesn’t take much convincing to drag them out to dinner. True to Buggy’s predictions you get a secluded VIP table at a restaurant where prices aren’t even listed on the menu.

You sat next to Crocodile while Buggy and Mihawk sat across from you. They caught you up on what you missed for the day and you were surprised at how mundane it all was. This is just the way your life is now, catching up on the day with three of the most dangerous pirates in the world over dinner.

Crocodile’s large hand was on your thigh all dinner. Surprisingly it never drifted too far in he just left it resting on the top of your thigh, only occasionally squeezing. The touch kept you grounded as you chatted easily through dinner with your new partners. When going back home was brought up at the end of the night you hesitated.

“I think I’m going back to my place tonight.” When Buggy looked particularly dejected you elaborated a bit. “I can’t come into work tomorrow wearing the clothes I wore yesterday.”

“Of course you can. Anyone who even looks at you wrong will get a limb cut off.” Buggy says simply, but thankfully Mihawk is the voice of reason.

“No it makes sense, I’m sure you need some time to yourself after all of this.” Mihawk’s words calm you down, making you more confident in your choice.

“But I think I will make sure to pack an overnight back to have at the office. Just in case.” That comment gets Buggy’s mood up again, and his smile is infectious.

Dinner ends on a high note and by the time you leave the sky is dark and the wind chills you a bit, you weren’t dressed for todays weather. You’re about to excuse yourself to power walk home when a heavy coat drapes over your shoulders.

The thick smell of cigar smoke and fur tickling your neck means you don’t even have to turn to see that it’s Crocodile’s coat on your back. You pull it tighter around you, practically swimming in the dark fabric.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” You say awkwardly, unsure how goodbyes work in your new situation.

All three of them look at you a bit confused and you can’t help but be confused back.

“We are escorting you home.” Mihawk says like it’s an obvious fact and he takes your arm as he walks by you and in the direction of your apartment.

“Yeah, duh. Can’t have our star walking alone on the streets at night.” Buggy is on your other side, unattached hands gesturing.

You don’t have to look behind you to know Crocodile is bringing up the rear, his imposing presence tingling on your back.

Buggy fills most of the walk home with crazy stories that you’re not sure are true but you enjoy none the less. You’re at your door before you know it and Buggy pulls you off of Mihawk and into a big hug.

“I’m so happy you’re with me.” There’s a beat before he corrects himself. “Us.”

You hug him back and as you pull away you press a kiss to his cheek. “I’m happy too.”

Someone must be glaring at him because Buggy shrinks away to let the other two come closer. Mihawk lightly presses against your arm and you turn to face him.

“Goodnight darling.” He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and places a quick kiss to your lips before waiting further away with Buggy.

You shrug off Crocodile’s jacket and offer it to him. He pauses a second before taking it and draping it over his arm.

“Thank you. For everything.” You say, smiling up at him.

“We are just getting started.” He places a kiss to your forehead. “We will see you tomorrow.”

You can feel the blush on your cheeks from all of the sweet gestures as you wave at the three of them before slinking back into your apartment. A wide smile never left your face as you went to bed, excited for what life has in store for you.

Life changed but life stayed the same. Work still had to be done and they were still your bosses but of course none of them let that stop their affections. Hands on your back and shoulders as they passed by your desk, quick kisses when they got in for the day. You have to admit you’ve never been more motivated to do your work when the reward is getting a kiss.

But of course not all of their actions were so chaste. You would’ve thought Buggy would be the worst offender of dragging you off to fool around at work but it was far and away Crocodile. Being called into his office to help with paperwork always ended up with you in a compromising position- but you weren’t complaining.

“Sir- Mihawk is expecting a report-“

“Hawkeyes can wait.” You felt the low rumble of his voice throughout your body as you sat in his lap at his desk. Your chest pressed to his as you rested your head on his shoulder. Seeing you from above the desk this might have been a cute scene, you sitting with him as he worked on his paperwork. But below the desk your boss’ pants were open just enough so he could be inside you while he worked.

You had been sitting like this for an hour now, maybe more, warming his cock while you struggled not to move. Your thighs ached from being in this position and slick dripped down onto Crocodile’s lap. You’d be concerned about ruining his incredibly expensive pants if you could form coherent thoughts. The fullness you’ve been experiencing, the ache, being on edge for so long, it caused your head to empty into just a buzz. You had only remembered Mihawk when you glanced down at your watch and realized just how long you had been in this position.

Your arms were latched around your boss’ neck and your face was buried in the crook of his neck. You focused on your breathing and keeping your body relaxed- a feat that had gotten much easier as time went on with the tension in your body unable to hold itself for so long. In the back of your mind you wonder if that’s what Crocodile likes about this- having you completely docile and submissive- wearing you down to just your base instincts. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit you like this too. Not having to think or move and just existing in the moment is a kind of peace you didn’t think you would find sitting on Crocodile’s dick.

A knock on the door sends a small wave of panic through your body as you sit up at the noise- a mistake. The movement sends a fresh wave of pleasure over your over sensitive body and you bite your tongue to stifle a moan. Crocodile doesn’t make any moves but you can tell it effected him by the way his cock throbs inside you.

“Who is it?” Crocodile’s tone is short and you can tell he’s on the verge of anger.

“It’s me wondering what you’ve done with our assistant.” Mihawk’s monotone voice carries through the large wooden door and you can feel Crocodile relax under you.

“Come in and see.”

You know turning and looking to see Mihawk would garner disapproval from Crocodile so you stay still, hyper focusing on the noise to piece together what is happening behind you back. The door creaks open and you hear Mihawk’s boots click a few times on the floor before there’s a long pause.

“Shut the door.” Crocodile seems unbothered now, continuing to file through reports.

The door closes and you hear Mihawk slowly walking closer. Your heartbeat quickens as you feel his eyes on you, burning into your back. Tilting your head you look out and eagerly wait for Mihawk to come into your range of vision.

“I have to say that’s not a bad position for them.” Mihawk finally speaks, probably at the side of the desk just out of your sight.

“On that we agree. I think this is where they should be all the time, keeping me warm is a very important job.” Crocodile’s words send shivers down your spine and you can’t help the whiny moan that bubbles in your throat.

“Oh and they like it so much.” Mihawk’s voice has a teasing tilt to it as he finally slides into your vision. He’s leaning forward so his face is level with yours and his piercing eyes travel over your face, pupils dilated with hunger.

“How long have you been like this?” He asks softly.

“I don’t know… hour? More?” Your voice is breathy, needy.

“You like being senseless on his cock?” Mihawk presses his face close, forehead touching yours.

“Fuck- yes.” Your eyes are screwed shut and you feel Mihawk’s breath on your face.

You feel Crocodile’s chuckle. “Keep talking to them, I can feel how much they like it.”

Mihawk finally closes the gap and your kiss is all needy tongue and teeth as an hour of patience is broken. You push up to try and deepen the kiss but you’re promptly pulled back down by Crocodile’s hand at your waist.

“Don’t think you’re done here.” His voice is stern but you can hear arousal creeping into the edges of his tone.

Mihawk breaks away and you whine as you watch him walk away. You’re confused only for a second until you hear the drag of one of the other chairs in the room coming to sit next to Crocodile’s large office chair. Mihawk sits down next to the two of you and with his legs spread wide you can see his erection straining against his black pants.

“How long you going to keep them like this?” The swordsman asks.

“What, you want a turn?” Crocodile responds, putting down his pen and piling up some of the papers.

“No. Just wanted to know if the show was going to get exciting anytime soon.” His disinterested words didn’t hold any weight when he was unbuckling his pants.

“Seems our assistant isn’t the only needy one here. What do you say sweetheart? You ready to put on a show for Mihawk?” Crocodile lightly pushes you so you’re sitting up, face to face with him.

“Yes sir.” You say unabashedly needy.

“That’s my angel.” He mutters to you before finally kissing you. Just like with Mihawk it’s heated but he’s much more controlled- the teeth are precise as he bites your lower lip while his hand grips your hip.

You grind down on him, relishing in finally being able to move. You’re rewarded with a deep groan from Crocodile and you know both of you won’t last much longer. Crocodile’s hand slides from your waist to under your ass as he stands up, sitting you on the desk in one swift movement. Grateful you won’t have to try and use your already aching thighs you allow your head to loll to the side to get a view of Mihawk.

He’s sat back in the chair, legs spread wide as his hand slowly fists his dick. His gaze is lidded as he watches the two of you. Crocodile seems more than happy to maneuver one of your legs up so your foot is on the desk, spreading yourself wide so Mihawk can have a better view of Crocodile’s large cock splitting you open. Crocodile bites down on your shoulder as he thrusts into you and you moan loud as you feel Mihawk’s gaze burn into you.

“You like me watching you?” Mihawk asks, his breath short.

You go to respond but Crocodile thrusts up into you hard and all you can do is moan as your hands fly back to get a grip on the desk to stabilize yourself. It’s not hard to assume Crocodile loves the audience too, deep thrusts at a slightly awkward angle just to show off.

“Hawkeyes-“

“Yes.” Mihawk doesn’t need Crocodile to finish his sentence before he’s quickly by your side. You don’t know how they communicate so much with so little but Mihawk’s deft fingers circling your clit have you abandoning that train of thought.

Mihawk leans in and starts whispering praises in your ear about how good you’re taking Crocodile and how nice you looked sitting on his cock.

Mihawk’s words- His fingers- Crocodile’s thrusts- it was too much and finally after so long of being on the precipice you crashed over into your orgasm. Crocodile wasn’t far behind, burying himself until his hips were flush with yours and filling you up with a groan.

Mihawk’s ministrations on your clit slowed and helped you come down until Crocodile finally pulled out of you. If you weren’t so fucked out you might have been worried about getting Crocodile’s desk dirty but all you could do was collapse back onto it and catch your breath.

The sound of Mihawk zipping his pants up in the quiet space makes you push yourself up a bit to see what was happening. Mihawk hadn’t finished and you flashed him a confused look as you try (and then fail) to sit up.

“Don’t worry about me. You’ve been good.” He leans over and kisses your forehead. “I’m going to go bother Buggy.”

“Mmm.” You nodded and with a sigh relaxed back into the desk. Of course you would have been more than happy to help Mihawk but you have to admit you’re exhausted. Plus you can imagine how excited Buggy will be when Mihawk comes to his door already hard. You smile at him as he walks away and notice a small nod shared between him and Crocodile.

When the door shuts you finally manage to push yourself up to look at Crocodile in his chair. “How do you two do that?”

“Do what?” He’s already put himself back together, a cigar about to be lit in his fingers.

“Talk without talking. I’ve seen you and Mihawk do it a bunch.” You reach over and grab his lighter from his desk and spark it.

“Thanks doll.” He leans forward and lights his cigar. After taking a long drag he answers you question. “We just work on the same wave. Probably because of our time was warlords- same path of thinking, same muscle memory. Turns out fighting and fucking together have a lot of overlap.”

You giggle as you push off the desk and slide sideways into his lap, your legs over his thighs. Leaning into his chest you curl up into his warmth. “It’s great you two have that.”

Crocodile only hums and you let yourself relax as the two of you drift into pleasant silence.

Even if Crocodile is the worst offender that doesn’t mean Buggy isn’t an interruption to your work a lot. Most of it is quick, random kisses or gropes when no one is looking. But sometimes he will get you into his office and whine enough that you relent to him.

“They’re so mean to me baby.” Buggy is lounging on a large velvet couch in his over decorated office.

“Yes. Didn’t you sign up for that?” You stand over him, hand on your hip.

“Yeah but-“ He pouts. “You’re so nice to me.”

“And?” You notice his hands detaching and floating around behind you.

“I could be nice to you.” The innuendo is punctuated by his hands on your ass, squeezing as they push you even closer to him.

“And you know what will happen if we get up to anything without Crocodile or Mihawk.” While you admit it was fun, you weren’t exactly in the mood to be edged for hours.

Buggy dramatically flips back into the couch as you notice a hand leave and fly over to a transponder snail. The snail is picked up and placed on an end table so Buggy could talk to someone.

“Hawky baby~” He calls into the transponder only to be immediately greeted with the sound of Mihawk hanging up. Buggy gasps, offended before redialing.

“Ourassistantisherewithmeandwewantohabefunsocouldyoucomeoverand-“ Buggy rushes all his words out before he’s hung up on again. The mouthpiece gets dropped to the ground as Buggy pouts.

“I’m sure if we just wait until tonight-“ Now it’s your turn to be cut off as you hear the quick opening and closing of Buggy’s door. You turn and see Mihawk standing there, arms crossed.

“Hawky!” Buggy shoots up as his hands reattach themselves. “I knew you would be so loving and reasonable.”

“Which is why you called twice?” Mihawk deadpans.

“Yes?”

You and Mihawk look at each other and you shrug. “He said he wanted to be nice to me.”

“You are nice to him, so it seems only fair.” Mihawk finally walks over and picks one of the obscenely plush chairs to sit in. “Make sure our lovely assistant is appreciated for all their hard work.”

Hands suddenly grab at your waist and pull you down onto the couch with Buggy. In a flash he’s on top of you, pushing you down to lay flat on the bed while he eagerly kisses down your neck. His hands are already working at the waistband of the pants and pulling down.

“You could go a little slower.” Mihawk comments from his chair and you look over to see him palm himself through his pants.

“But that’s no fun.” Buggy smiles up at you as his hands travel back up and push you shirt up, giving him better access to paw and your breasts. You moan as his hands work your flesh and you can feel yourself getting wet from the attention.

Buggy continues not to listen to Mihawk’s advice as he slides down until he’s kissing your hips and down the tops of your thighs. You shudder in anticipation as his hands hold your thighs open and kid mouth travels to your inner thighs, taking its time there as he sucks the sensitive skin.

“Buggy-“ You whine as your hand lands on his head, threading your fingers into his soft blue hair.

“Now who’s in a rush?” Buggy teases, hovering just above where you need him to be.

“Thought you were going to be nice to me.” You pout and you know Buggy can’t resist.

“Anything for my star.” He presses on last kiss to the inside of your thigh before he dives in.

Buggy isn’t as through and calculated as Mihawk or Crocodile but fuck if he isn’t enthusiastic. He’s loud and sloppy but as his tongue dives between your folds his nose rubs against your clit any comparisons fly out of your head. You push his head down further as you buck your hips to grind on his face and Buggy takes that lead well, never slowing down. You’re keenly aware of Mihawk’s gaze and you let your head fall to the side to make eye contact with him.

His dick is out now and his thumb is rubbing over the bright red head. He must like this a lot you think- sitting back and watching the ones more eager to show off. You like it too.

You turn your moans and whines up to eleven, doing your best not to break eye contact with him even when Buggy’s tongue reaches deep inside you. When he does that your grip tightens on his hair and he moans into your pussy. Mihawk’s gaze leaves your eyes for a second to dart down before connecting with yours again.

“Buggy.” Mihawk is short and commanding and to Buggy’s credit he immediately stops and rests his head on your thigh. “Show them your trick.”

“I have a lot of tricks you’re going to have to be more- ohhhhhhh.” Buggy gets a devilish grin on his face as realization clicks.

You’re confused and prop yourself up a bit when Buggy’s hands leave your body to work at his pants and he pulls them down just enough for you to see how worked up he’s gotten from eating you out. What surprises you is when he tugs at his dick it pops off of his body. It makes sense, given his powers there’s no reason it shouldn’t but it’s still a sight. Once the initial shock wears off there’s a fresh wave of arousal as Buggy guides his cock to your entrance, teasing around your folds and gathering the slick there.

“Now go slowly.” Mihawk commands.

You whine as Buggy’s tip pushes into your entrance, stretching you out. True to his orders Buggy goes painfully slow, giving every inch it’s time to drag against your walls. When he’s about halfway in he adjusts and you gasp when suddenly his mouth is around your clit, sucking. You grip his hair hard as he moans into that bundle of nerves and create a pleasure filled feedback loop. Buggy continues to ease himself into you and lap at your clit and all you can do is grip onto him and stare into Mihawk’s golden eyes.

You see him working himself, pacing his hand with Buggy’s slow rhythm in and out of you. Seeing him watching, knowing Buggy and you are under his control even as he’s passively sitting there is thrilling. Knowing he gets off on it too feels just as good.

The overload of this new combination of sensations has you a moaning mess, babbling as you grip onto the couch and Buggy’s hair for dear life. Buggy is close too from you tugging at his hair and your cunt pulsing around him he is using all his focus to keep tonguing at your clit.

“Buggy- ‘m close just-“ You manage to choke out and he gets the message. He pumps himself inside you faster and as he’s slamming into you lightly nips at your clit.

You cum with a loud moan and you feel Buggy close behind you, filling you as your walls seize from your orgasm. You are able to catch Mihawk finishing into his hand, cum spilling over his abs.

Buggy collapses onto you, head nuzzled into your thigh as he catches his breath. You run your fingers through his hair as you gain your senses back.

“Don’t forget we are going out for dinner tonight.” Mihawk says as he finishes cleaning himself up, bringing over some wipes for you and Buggy. “So do be cleaned up.”

He presses a kiss to your forehead and then presses one on Buggy’s cheek.

You never thought this is where your life would end up but as contentment and love fills up your chest you know you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[phasyvision17]

It seems like this idea is never getting finished considering its been three years since its been in my drafts. So here you go. Enjoy this 1000-word drabble if it makes sense.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Draco?”

He looks up without answering, lets the silence eat away Harry’s guts and then goes back to his work.

“Did we break up?” he asks anyway because he fucked up. He deserves the punishment of setting his ego aside.

“I don’t know” comes a mumble.

“Did we?” Harry gulps.

Silver eyes regard him for a minute. “Maybe.”

A broken sob fills the space in between. “I don’t want to”

“Well, there isn’t much to do, is there? You want something I can't give you. It will only leave you angry and me feeling guilty.” There’s such detachment in the voice that had whispered sweet nothings into his ear just last night that Harry feels it cutting through his bones.

“We didn’t even talk about it.” Pathetic. Pathetic. He sounds pathetic.

“I tried” Draco looks away. Back to work.

“I know” The choke takes over him and his eyes well up. Draco isn’t looking but Harry knows he can tell. He slowly walks over and around the table to stand behind Draco’s chair and wraps his arms around Draco’s neck.

“Potter I’m working-"

“I’m sorry.” His voice muffled as he buried his head in the junction between his hands and Draco’s neck. “I'm so sorry. I don’t want to break up.” His tears hit Draco’s shirt.

Draco has gone completely still. He’s unresponsive but the rise and fall of his chest has changed. Harry feels him gulp against his arms and squeezes him a little tighter to show him that he really means it. The sound of his crying is amplified in the little nook he has created for himself.

“I want to talk.” He speaks into the hollow space, “I’m sorry I was such an asshole but I don’t want to fight. Please Draco.”

He didn’t think he’d cry this much but it's hitting him that he was about to give up everything, the life he’d created, the love he got, for a discussion they never even had. Yes, Harry still wants children and marriage and everything that comes with it with every fibre of his being but he also wants Draco. He wants Draco so much.

He feels Draco look away to the other side and hears a shaky exhale before composing himself. Slowly Draco raises his hand and places it on his arm, turning his head slightly so that he was speaking directly into Harry’s ear in the softest voice that he’s had ever heard from him, “Come here.’

And Harry broke. A wretched sob escapes him and he just holds on tighter as Draco tries to pry him away from his shoulder. Reluctantly Harry lets go and lets Draco guide him to straddle his lap on the chair. He immediately buried his face in his shoulders again, knowing he looks like a wreck.

“Harry.” Draco cooed, voice still gentle.

“Yeah?” Harry asked, voice thick with bile.

“Harry, I want to talk, can you please look at me?”

When Harry pulls back, he finds Draco looking at him with such fondness that it makes Harry feel even worse. How on earth did he think he would just leave this man?

“I’m sorry.” He repeated.

Draco considered him for a moment and said, “I know” and wiped some of his tears.

“I don’t deserve you.”

Draco let out a wet laugh. “I'm not sure that’s true.”

“It is” Harry said with conviction. “I don’t want to-“

“Me either.” Draco finished. “we’ll talk about it. Not right now but soon. Tonight maybe?”

Harry nodded in agreement.

“Ok.” He said, cradling his fingers through Harry’s hair.

“I was just-” he felt the need to explain himself, he had to, he’d almost ruined everything, “I was just scared that something that I’ve wanted for so long, something that was supposed to be just mine, was…being taken away from me.’

Draco looked hurt at that, “No no,” Harry scrambled to get his hands on Draco’s cheek, “That’s not what I meant. I just. I wanted it with you. I want to marry you. Someday. So bad. And I just thought,” he stops talking, realising that he doesn’t quite have the right words right now.

“I’m-,” Draco swallowed, “I’m open to discussion about marriage if you want, but kids, Harry, I can't.” He pleaded, looking distressed at the very thought.

Harry nodded eagerly, “Yeah yeah. I get it.” He rubs the pad of his fingers frantically against white skin,  “and I’d like that. To discuss. But not now. Tonight.”

Draco nodded.

“Right now, can you just, hold me?” Harry asked, suddenly unsure. “I want to know I haven’t, haven’t ruined anything.”

“You haven’t,” Draco said firmly, pulling him closer. He slid a palm to hold the nape of Harry’s neck and regarded him with so much sincerity and Harry had almost looked away. He must have seen something, some insecurity on Harry's face because next he simply pulls him by the neck and whispers, just as softly as the first time,

“Come here.”

And Harry goes willingly.

They kiss, softly, reassuringly for a few moments that seemed to slow time until Draco pulled him in firmly and poured all his frustration and desperation into the kiss. Harry would be a fool not to reciprocate.

They conveyed everything, every fear, every strain of the last few hours into it until it almost had Harry crying again.

“Do you want to order Indian and watch Pretty Woman?” Draco asks in the hairbreadth of space between their lips, his teasing smile pressed right against Harry’s lips. And frankly, Harry is still dizzy, his head heavy from the hours of crying and the last few minutes of having his breath stolen from him. So, frankly¸ thinking is still hard. He wants it quiet.

So, he leans in again, pecking, then kissing, then nodding, and finally, whispering, “I love you. So much Draco.”

He feels a chuckle against his lips that sounds like relief. “I think I can give you a run for your money Potter”

[lundenloves]

The way you write Simon is so utterly Simon, it makes everything feel so realistic.

The inner turmoil he has because he doesn’t show his emotions in a deemed "acceptable" way i.e crying or voicing his feelings. That his first instinct is to pull away, detaching himself from the situation (to protect himself from being hurt). For outsiders it seems like he’s cold or doesn’t care for his wife, but that’s not the case, he just doesn’t know how. Simon isn't a man of words and therefore shows his support/love through actions, but simple actions like holding every door open for her after devastating news is not enough and Simon knows that (making him even more paralyzed because he knows he’s lacking). He shows his love to his wife and how important she is to him and his willingness to change by working against his instincts and trying to console her by not running away, opening up to her (e.g"i can’t“), embracing her (and realizing that a little goes a long way, e.g"anything") and (and that is just my interpretation) him apologizing has three messages 1. "I‘m sorry“ that we’re in this situation, that you have to go through this 2. I‘m sorry that I’m not 100% able to give you what you need right now 3. his apology is a silent promise to work this through with her and therefore also work on himself

I don’t know if this coherent but anyways.

What I’m trying to say is: I really love how you write Simon and I really love your works

i don’t have enough words to say thank you.

every single thing you’ve put on this is one hundred percent coherent and incredibly kind to say it’ll tell you why.

because you’ve went right into my head too.

i primarily write ‘flawed’ characters for this reason, their mindset is like a puzzle. there’s so much more to gain from writing someone like this, not just skill or emotional intellect but also validation. it’s validating your own feelings to find a character like this and run with them, coming from someone who too distances and doesn’t know how to give out warmth.

so, his own first instincts being to distance himself is a given. this is the physical manifestation of childhood trauma coming into place — he was never taught how to feel emotion and healthily express it therefore it stays unresolved in his head with minor physical signs. (the nail biting, leg bouncing etc) though, you get a feel for the person he is by the instinctive holding of doors and taking her bag. not the person he is trying to be, but the person he is.

the part where you mentioned ‘i’m sorry’ has three meanings hits the nail on the fucking head.

i wrote it and was getting all in my head trying to find a way to communicate exactly that. it’s a weighted apology, one that ticks each box you laid down and i’ve never been so happy that someone has caught onto something in my life.

he’s complex, and has a fine line. one that i don’t see too many writers nailing to the depth i like to read, for a number of reasons but we won’t get into that. it isn’t as simple as, he can’t cry vs he doesn’t want to cry. there’s something much deeper there. which seems obvious, but it’s a question of how to tackle it to the right prompt that a lot of people confuse.

he’s obviously different on field vs home. which is another thing i have a field day writing, the whole fiasco of difference between ghost and simon that a few people have written. i’m currently writing a therapy fic for him, something that’s taking a while because i’m too detail focused.

but god, anon, i hope i hear from you more often. people like you are the ones i write for.

i hope this makes sense 🥲

thank you x

[iamsherlocked1479]

A Strange feelng: Prolouge

Descrption: the proluge to a new series im starting! the reader (Emma) joinedthe sourcers when her life crumbled after the blip. She thought she had lost everything until she met him, Doctor Stephen Strange and now my friends she has a strange feelng that everything is going to be better. hopefully he feels the same way.

You don’t know what you’re doing here, you’re supposed to be studying the history of kamar taj yet you find yourself staring at an open portal to the new york sanctum, his sanctum. His words filtered through your head ‘whatever you need I’ll try and get it for you’ you hope that offer extended to emotional support. Someone to tell you you were being stupid and not to quit something just because it’s getting hard. Just like Jasmine had always reminded you. But she wasn’t here anymore, she was gone and so was mum. And that's why you’re here ignoring the way your heart is pounding out your chest, and how you’re sure the bottle of bourbon you have clutched in your hand will break. But you take a step forward, you made it the difficult bit. Now all you have to do is seek emotional comfort from the sourcer whom everyone but you and Wong believes is detached from the rest of the world, gripping what little control he had left of his life, just like you. 

The new york sanctum was different from the others, it felt inviting in its own way if you ignore the crumbling ceilings and rickety staircases it was somewhat humble, it felt like a shield for the planet. You heaved yourself up the multiple staircases to the room you knew he’d be sat in. It was raining outside, the soft rumble of thunder humming in the distance not quite becoming a storm but far from calm. You saw his silhouette outlined from the dim light in the window slouched slightly in the chair, the clinking of the ice in his already poured drink being the only sound besides the thunder.

“You shouldn’t sit in the dark, it's bad for your eyes. As a doctor I figured you’d know this.” Your voice started him a little as he turned around.

“Emma,What are you doing here?” He says in a mildly irritated sound. 

“I’m sorry you just said if i ever needed anything and i- I brought bourbon.” You tilt up the bottle and his face lightens up a bit

“Is that the good stuff you hide in your room?” He watches as you nod and flicks his finger illuminating the room with candles that had been placed around the room. You then somehow as if by magic end up next to him, his arm chair becoming a sofa big enough for the both of you to sit at a comfortable distance. “So? How can I be of assistance to you?” He says refilling his glass and filling yours.

“I don’t know really, i just got sick of being alone i guess and you’re the only person i can stand being around lately, other than wong but the sorcerer supreme has higher duties than listening to my blabbering mouth.” You take a drink from your glass wincing slightly, it was stronger than you thought.

“And how did you know I'd be awake? It is 3:25 am.” He laughed

“Because you come across as a pretty sleep deprived doctor I must say.” 

“Well takes one to know one, really whats wrong?” He moves his arm to rest on the couch cushion his fingers just slightly away from your hair. You pretend to ignore the way his robes tense around his surprisingly muscular arms.

“Its been 8 months, today i mean, since the blip. Which means to me its eight months since i lost her and i just struggle seeing what all of this is.”

“This?” He tilts his head

“Me sat here in these less fashionable robes with Doctor Strange, the wizard who helped save the universe. And me, a vet tech who got let go from her job due to a purple space guy and is now learning how to teleport. It doesn’t make sense.” You choke on the last few words you didn’t want to cry in front of him.

“You really think, I understand all this? I go to bed everyday with a floating cloak at the end of my bed after spending the whole day making sure our reality is correct. But i do it because its what I believe is my purpose.” He stops for a minute watching as a lone tear falls from your eye “you didn’t come here to fix everything, you knew you couldn’t change what happened, and you stayed because you thought you could find your purpose. Don’t give that up.” He looks away at the rain pattering against the domed window. “I had lost everything when I came, I came to fix my hands, but I was taught something, this cost me alot but life is full of sacrifices. Don’t give up because things aren’t always in a straight line.” He turned to you, his eye’s glistening as if he was tearing up. 

Those words, they were the same as what jasmine told you, and they were both right, she never gave up, so why should you.

“You know my sister used to tell me that.” You laugh, wiping your eyes.

“From what I hear she sounds like a good person.” His hands graze the loose strands of your hair, he stops when you notice but then finds his hand in your hair again when you don’t object.

“She was great, really. I sometimes struggled to understand how she managed everything. She was the one who told mum to get treatment, even recommend some of your research. The handsome guy with the salt and pepper hair my mum would say.” You blush slightly at the last sentence and are then struck with a mild amount of boldness “personally I’d agree.”

“Well at least we established i'm handsome tonight.” He took a smug drink from his glass

“So why were you up?” You ask

“It's not important.” He shakes his head

“C’mone I won’t tell anyone you have feelings.” You nudge him slightly.

“Fine, well i’ve had something on my mind recently. But im not quite sure how to approach it.” His arm moves from your head to his kneck, he looked nervous.

“Well maybe i can help?” You prop yourself up slightly like a teenager listening to the latest gossip.

“Well I don’t know it's sort of a big thing.” He laughs “there's someone i cant get out of my head and i was wondering if she feels the same but im not sure how to approach the situation.” He looks away again playing with the rim of his glass. Your chest tightens a little at the words of him liking a girl, but at the end of the day it was just a crush and you had to swallow your pride and deal with it.

“Well show her how you feel, its not always the best to wait on theses things.” You pretend to smile pretending like this wasn’t bothering you.

“You really think I should go for it?” He turned to you, with one brow raised and a sheepish grin on his face.

“What's the worst that could happen?” You nod and shuffle slight as you swirl your drink, he cleared his throat and put his drink of the coffee table. You looked at him for a moment and could almost be sure he was looking at your lips. He began to lean in closer, pressing his lips against yours. You weren't expecting it, so you didn’t kiss him back, but you didn’t pull away. Eventually he pulled away with a blush.

“I’m sorry, that was inappropriate of me-“ 

“No no- i just, i just want to test something.” You grabbed his face between your hands and kissed him back, this time he didn’t hesitate he locked you bodies together holding you close allowing his tongue to dance with yours for a moment. You eventually parted allowing yourselves to take a breath

“Huh, how was it?” He asked wiping his mouth 

“Pretty good, can I just get a second opinion?” You ask and he nodded, pulling you in again to repeat the process. “Yeah well i have to say, pretty successful move, she liked it.” You blush eventually pulling apart.

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A/N: this si just a prolouge so is very subject to change, I really like doing the reader pov with a character i can mould myself a little this is because im not a huge fan of y/n feel like it doesn't give me the freedom to write and develop my characters. And in regards to Thats not how i'd do it, i will be alternating between chapters when i cannot think of something fo the other so hopefully this allows me to become more active. I'm really excited to see where this goes and hope you are too! <3

[bellewintersroe]

Ron Speirs x Fem OC.

Part 5 babbyyyyy.

here’s the link to part 4! This one for a change won’t be smut wowwww, I think we all need a breather, but expect angst! It’s a little sad and tw there’s some mentioned of war, loss and sadness. This isn’t too long of a chapter but I’ll make up for it in the next part! Ron finds Jenny sunbathing, reminiscing the traumas of war with tear stained cheeks. Something inside of Ron’s heart is completely crushed, especially when she turns him away for a reason he’s yet to understand. Ron assumed Jenny wants nothing more with him, she’s upset and confused- now he’s falling into the exact same mindset.

June 3rd, 1945:

Austria was beautiful. It was perfect. Peaceful and relaxing. It was everything you’d want in life, to live here soaking in the sun on such a beautiful summers day. The heat was now out in full force, and I’d spent my days off relaxing or swimming in the lake with my friends. The one problem? Alice wasn’t there. Her death in Bastogne froze me to the bone. Something changed inside of me after that day, the loss of my closest friend, a nurse, only 23 years old in the middle of that haunting forest. She was shot down ‘accidentally‘ during enemy crossfire. A war crime had been committed, the shooting stopped shortly after she toppled to the ground.

I wasn’t there to witness her death, part of me was relieved I wasn’t, but that didn’t help the overwhelming scenarios that plagued my mind. The aftermath was traumatic, it wouldn’t rid my mind, seeing her body frozen to the floor whilst panicked men surrounded her. She’d died an agonising death. The guilt that surrounded me made me feel sick, why Alice? Why, why? It didn’t make sense. My blurred eyes stared across the small waves the wind was producing near the shoreline. Every now and then I’d detach from reality, thinking about the loss of my closest friend and so many others. I hated it, the way I didn’t feel like a real person in this world anymore. Most of the time I could push it to the back of my mind, or I’d got Mary and the other girls to talk about it with. But moments like these where I was alone and weeping always seemed to be the worst.

I’d heard footsteps, ignoring them as I blinked away the tears pooling in my eyes.

“Thought I’d find you here.” It was Ron. I felt his hand smooth over the top of my back, down my hair that was loose and down. “Not today, Ron.” I sighed out, my voice coming out low as my head dropped. From the corner of my eye I could see him frown a little, edging closer to see my face. “Hey.” His voice dropped, hand nudging under my chin as he scanned over my face. I’d never seen him with a more downcast and concerned expression before. “Hey, what’s wrong?” The hand still remained on my upper back, soothing me gently. “Nothin, nothin’.” I wiped my eyes, dropping my head again so he wouldn’t have to see my teary face again. “It doesn’t seem like nothing.” He gently spoke, sitting down next to me fully as I inhaled deeply, a little embarrassed that Ron was seeing me like this. With my lack of response, Ron glanced out across the area briefly.

“Has somebody upset you?” “No.” I gently responded. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m so upset-“

“Don’t apologise.” He was quick to stop the rest of the apology leaving my lips. Ron had shuffled a little closer, pulling me into his chest as I was relieved to be engulfed into the comfort of a hug. The only thing that could ground me again, physical touch. “No, nobody upset me.” I then inhaled, taking a moment just to relax in his arms, my hand came to grip his uniform lightly, his other hand wiping at my tears. “That’s good, then?” He gently offered as I nodded with a small smile. “I’m sorry, Ron, you don’t need to see me like this.” Drying my eyes, I took a deep breath and scanned over the lake once more. “No, no, it’s okay. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.” He hushed as I swallowed, his words tugging on my heart. “I’m okay.”

“You don’t seem it.” He responded quickly as I half smiled, reassuring him that I was in fact, fine. “You thinkin’ about something that’s happened?”

“How did you know?” My mouth was slightly agape. “I can just tell.” He shook his head, slinging his arm over me as I sat up a little straighter now. “I was just…” I began, not really knowing where to start. Ron watched me patiently. “I was just thinkin’ about… Alice.” I hesitated, unknown if he’d actually know who I was talking about. “She was the nurse in second platoon, right? With you?” Nodding, I broke eye contact again, swallowing away the upsetting urge to cry once more. “I heard what happened.” He commented as all I could do was nod in a feeble response. “You were close?” “She was my best friend.” I spoke on a sharp inhale, worried my voice would break before I did. “I’m sorry.” Ron muttered as I shook my head with a sad kind of laugh. “It’s just weird how it happens to them and not to me or you.” My voice wobbled once more as he squeezed me closer into his side.

“I know.” His voice came out as a sparse whisper now, when I finally glimpsed up to him, a sickening worry rushed through me that I was upsetting him. “I hope I’m not upsetting you.” “No, no, you’re not.” He hushed me quickly, taking my hand within his. “You’re not.” His voice softened, moving a little closer as he rested his forehead against mine. I gulped nervously, the vulnerable moment being a little too overwhelming for me.

Ron tilted his head up, pressing his lips ever so gently into mine. He was kissing me so softly, with so much care- almost like he’d break me. As the kiss deepened, I could feel my aching heart yearning for more than just these moments- love. I wanted his love.

The feeling scared me like no other, it made me jump back in shock. Whether he was kissing me with the intention of something more or not, I was too overwhelmed. “No, Ron. I need to go, I’m sorry.” I gathered my towel and tied my summer dress that I had looted from somebody’s house quickly.

“Go where? Now?” He seemed a little stunned, pushing himself up in confusion as I began hurrying away. “I just need to.” Was all I could say, as more tears pricked to my eyes.

“You’re upset-“ “I’m fine, I promise.” The lie left my mouth quicker than I could think. Within seconds I was scurrying away, back to the confinements of my room where there was no Ron, no lingering feelings- now I could cry all alone, pathetic and lost as a new found guilt from practically running away from Ron took over me. The way I’d left him looking all sad when he was just comforting me, I felt mean. What I did was mean. All because I couldn’t accept my own stupid feelings.

How had I got myself so deep into this situation?

The following two days I was a nervous wreck. Whilst my normal mindset had returned and I was focusing on the present, I could not rid the awkwardness that filled me every time I was around Ron.

Whenever we were in a room together I’d find my hands trembling, I was a nervous wreck, and my stomach churned every time I’d feel him looking at me. Worst of all, I hadn’t given him a chance to speak to me, nor had I attempted to speak to him. He never abused his power by asking me to speak with him privately in front of everybody else, he just got on with it. Part of me wondered if he wasn’t interested in me since my meltdown, if I was just an easy way to get sexual satisfaction from after the lack of it throughout the war. Thoughts like that kept me up at night, to the early hours of the morning when I’d be tossing and turning in a complete frustration. Eventually, I’d given up and gotten myself up to retrieve some water from downstairs. When I was in the kitchen, I figured there would be no harm in me going on a small stroll outside. There was still plenty of patrols happening, I would be safe. And then when I wound up outside the house where Ron was bunkered in, I thought hell to it. I’d picked and choose when I needed to be ballsy, but if I could run across the war torn areas in Foy to retrieve wounded men, then I could do something as simple as this. This was nothing compared to everything else I’d done? Right? Why was it easier to approach Ron wanting sexual favours than it was just to actually see him. It wasn’t like I needed to come clean about my feelings or anything? All I wanted was to give him a well deserved apology.

Getting inside the building was easy, I just told the men I needed a spare room to sleep in for the night to avoid the ‘snoring of the other nurses next door to me’. Remembering where I came to retrieve his pants that one time, I soon came up outside his room, my palms beginning to sweat.

Maybe this was a mistake? Maybe it was stupid, really stupid. I walked back and fourth over the slight creak in the floor, cringing every time it would make a noise. It felt like I had to physically push myself, I was a nervous wreck, and the second I held my hand up to knock on the door, it was ripped open and a harsh hand caught my own, gripping it up as I gasped out in fright…

[babyjakes]

forever and a day | 32. just want you.

〈 disclaimer: this blog posts content not suitable for individuals under the age of 18. minors are strictly prohibited from viewing, sharing, or interacting with this blog. for more information on this blog's commitment to protecting minors, read our full statement here. 〉

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summary | a story in which america’s favorite captain gives a new life and family to a five-year-old girl who has suffered well beyond her years at the hands of hydra.

characters | dad!steve rogers, girl/willa rogers (original character)

warnings | AU similar enough to OU to include spoilers to many Marvel movies (Age of Ultron and beyond). action and fight scenes with violence and killing. injuries/mild gore. mature themes related to and semi-graphic depictions of child abuse/neglect, past CSA and CSM, and their aftermath (emaciation, wounds, scarring, etc). medical abuse and experimentation. ptsd/trauma symptoms in a child (developmental discrepancies, de-humanized behavior, detachment, extreme fears). medical treatment of CSM and other aftermath of abuse.trauma-informed therapeutic treatment of ECT. minor mentions of disordered eating. evil!Tony Stark.

[Steve]

“Vi-enn-a?” Willa asks, the new word rolling off her tongue slowly as she tries to sound it out. Peter nods as he sits anxiously in his seat at the dining table, pushing his spoon around in the bowl of soup in front of him, the one I made him. The little girl sits in a chair beside her friend, a confused and saddened look on her face.

“Y-yeah. It’s a city in Austria,” Peter replies. “I’ll only be gone for a day, just overnight, and then we’ll be back.” As I watch the teen continue to fidget with the spoon aimlessly, I sigh, stepping out of the kitchen and over to the table. Taking a seat across from the two kids, I soften my expression, trying to catch Peter’s gaze.

“Peter, hey- can you look at me, buddy?” I request gently. As the boy’s big doe eyes glance up at me, I’m alarmed to see they’re full of tears.

“S-sorry, Cap. I’m just not hungry,” Peter apologizes, his hand shaking as he lets go of the utensil. A lump forms in my throat at his words; they make no sense. The kid’s barely eaten a thing since the Accords were revealed two days ago. He’s a lot paler than usual, and he can’t stop shaking no matter how hard he tries. He’s got enhanced metabolism due to his spider powers; at this point, he should be starving. And yet, he’s been refusing all food. It’s getting hard to push down my worry.

“Pete, you haven’t been eating since Tony brought up the Accords,” I reason as carefully as I can. Willa frowns up at her friend, reaching out and taking a hold of his hand.

“I-I know. I’m sorry, I’m r-really sorry. I don’t want t-to worry anyone. I just haven’t been feeling well… I’m sorry,” he whimpers again, and I just wish more than anything that I knew how to make this kid feel like he doesn’t have to apologize for everything he says and does.

“You’re alright, Peter. You’re not in trouble,” I tell him gently. “Are you anxious about the signing? I don’t know what all Tony’s said to you, but I want you to know that if you don’t want to sign, you don’t have to. You know there’s a group of us who are going against the Accords.” The boy’s eyes grow wider at this and he shakes his head frantically, swallowing hard.

“I-I have to sign, Cap. I have to. Mr. Stark will-” Peter pauses, realizing how his words sound. “I-I mean, I want to sign. I want to.” But the look in his eyes gives him away completely. No part of Peter actually wants to sign those papers. He just feels he has to, because of what Tony might do if he defies him.

“Look, Peter. I know you’re scared. I get it; this is confusing for all of us. But I promise, if you go against Tony, we won’t let him hurt you. I won’t let him hurt you. He has no power over you,” I try to convince him, but my efforts only seem to cause the poor teen to become more distressed. A tear trails down his cheek as he takes in a shaky breath.

“No- please, sir… I want to sign. I want to, I swear,” Peter pleads, his voice wavering. Sighing, my heart breaks for the kid as I take in the state he’s entered due to the fear of his mentor. Before I can say anything else, though, a pair of loud footsteps come pounding into the living area, causing all three of us to turn our heads to look.

Tony Stark himself has walked out of the hallway, his face burning bright red with rage. In his hand, he clutches his cellphone; his eyes connect with mine, and they narrow dangerously. “Rogers-” his voice booms, causing Peter and Willa to jump, “did you terminate my guardianship?!”

Rising to my feet, I take a few steps towards the angered man. “Easy, Tony. There’s no need to yell,” I state steadily, trying to defuse the situation, if nothing more than for the sake of the children in the room.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake- don’t ‘easy’ me, you son of a bitch. I asked you, did you terminate my guardianship?!” Tony demands, his voice even louder now than before. From the corner of my eye, I can see Willa beginning to shake; Peter picks her up onto his lap, turning her to face away from the conflict.

“Tony, please. Enough,” I tell him firmly. The man’s lips press together into a thin line as he advances a few more steps forward, now only feet away from me.

“You have some fucking nerve,” he spits, raising a hand and pointing a finger at me.

“Woah, woah- what the hell’s going on in here?” a new voice asks worriedly. From behind Tony, Bruce appears from the hallway, looking startled. The scientist turns slightly to address the new party as Bruce makes his way over to stand beside me. “What’s all the yelling for? We gotta leave for the airport in like - ten minutes; this is not a good time for a fight.”

“He terminated my guardianship, Bruce! He called the authorities and reported me! What on earth gives you the right to strip me of that without informing me?” Tony seethes.

“What gives you the right to run experiments on an innocent child against her will?” I fight back.

“Okay, okay- stop,” Bruce intervenes. “Look, Tony… I know you’re pissed. But it had to be done, okay? We had to put stronger barriers in place to keep you from running your own agenda with Willa.”

“'We?!’” Tony exclaims, his death-stare now focusing on Bruce. “So you were in on this?” Bruce’s face reddens and he tenses, clearly not wanting to upset his friend any more than he already has.

“I’m sorry, Tony. I-I didn’t know what else to do. You wouldn’t stop; we had to stop you,” the doctor reasons. Tony’s face hardens and his gaze falls to the floor. Shaking his head slowly, he appears to be at a loss for words. After a few more moments of silence, he turns to me, stepping up so he’s right in my face.

“We have a flight to catch, so I’m dropping this for now, but I’m warning you, Cap- this isn’t over. The Accords. The kid. Any of it. You’re way out of line, and if you think I’m going to let you tear this whole team down with you, you’re dead wrong.”

“I know you won’t stop fighting for what you believe in,” I say in response, looking him straight in the eyes. “But what you believe in is wrong. And when I see something that’s wrong, I’m not going to ignore it.” Tony shakes his head again, turning away from me without another word.

“We’re leaving now,” he says to no one in particular. “The rest of the gang should be down at the jet already. Underoos, let’s get moving,” he calls to Peter.

The boy looks over at him with wide eyes, seeming momentarily frozen with Willa still on his lap. The little girl climbs down sadly, stepping away from the table to stay out of her friend’s way. But Peter doesn’t move; instead, he stays completely still.

“Earth to Spider-Boy. Let’s go,” Tony prompts again, his voice a little bit firmer this time. Peter flinches, slowly rising to his feet, his legs shaking beneath him.

“Peter…” I begin softly, wanting to help him but unsure as to how.

“Don’t,” Tony threatens, sending me a glare. Peter walks over to join his mentor silently, completely avoiding my gaze. Bruce sighs and shakes his head at me.

“I guess we’ll see you later, Cap,” he mumbles, following behind the two as they all make their way to the elevator.

Willa watches as she stands by the table, a familiar look of abandonment settling on her face as she sees Peter disappear behind the sliding elevator doors. “He’ll come back,” I promise her gently as I walk over to the child, kneeling down in front of her. Her eyes fall to the floor and she nods.

“H-he- he was crying,” she frowns worriedly. My face softens as the girl continues to stare at the floor.

“I know, sweetheart. Things are just hard right now,” I tell her, not sure how else to explain things.

“He’s… scared of T-Tony?” she asks carefully. I nod.

“Maybe a little bit, right now. Peter likes Tony a whole lot. He really cares about what Tony thinks of him,” I tell her, wanting to keep things as simple as possible.

“You… t-termin-minated his guardi-ianship?” Willa asks, struggling to repeat the big words. I nod again. “What’s that mean?”

“It means… he’s no longer in charge of looking after you,” I admit, not sure how the little girl might respond. While Bruce and I made the phone call to Child Services the day that I found Willa in the lab, I held off on telling her about it. I wanted to figure out exactly how to explain the situation to her. But then, Tony bust in today yelling about it, so now I guess the conversation is happening whether I’m ready for it or not.

Willa just nods, looking up at me slightly.

“When you first came to live with us, both Tony and I signed up to take care of you. But then, Tony did those things that- that hurt you. I wanted to protect you, so made it so he’s no longer in charge of you. 'Cause I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, not even him.” The child’s head tilts ever so slightly, and she thinks for a moment.

“Jus’ Steve now?” she asks carefully.

“Yep. Just me,” I confirm, hoping she won’t be upset with this outcome.

Much to my relief, Willa steps forward, wrapping her arms around my waist. “’m glad,” she tells, her voice muffled slightly by my shirt. “Jus’ want you.”

Gathering the little one in my arms, I sit myself down on the floor, holding her close to me as she settles her chin on my shoulder. Stroking her hair down gently with one hand, I rock her slightly from side to side, letting her body relax against mine. “Just want you too, kiddo,” I murmur, warmth bubbling up in my chest as the precious girl snuggles up to me.

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[weasleylangs]

opposites attract - f.w.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Hufflepuff Fem!Reader Summary: The quiet, Hufflepuff bookworm has captured the heart of the mischievous Gryffindor.  Warnings: none! Word Count: 2k

A/N: For the anon that asked for Fred with a Hufflepuff reader who he’s uncharacteristically sweet for! I’m sorry it took so long, I hope you (and everyone else who reads it) enjoys it!! 

P.S let me know if you’d like to be added to a tag list!

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Y/N sits in charms, completely zoned out. Charms was always her best subject and she was luckily one of those ‘never study, always pass’ students. The same could not be said about her boyfriend, however, who was sitting across the room trying to tickle his best friend with his quill and distract him.

Y/N and Fred were an unusual couple, and no one understood how the shy Hufflepuff girl managed to catch the mischievous Gryffindor’s attention. Fred’s idea of a good time was turning the corridor into a swamp or roughhousing during quidditch practise whilst Y/N’s was curled up in front of a fire, a nice book in her hand. But no one questioned it, because somehow they made it work.

Fred caught her eye and winked. They’ve been dating for six months now and he never gets tired from the shy look on her face when he looks at her. She shakes her head, hiding behind her hair and turning her attention back to Flitwick as he drones on about their assignment. 

When the bell rings, signalling next period, Fred’s across the room in no time. Y/N has her head down, grabbing her notebook and quill when Fred snatched them out of her hand whilst simultaneously grabbing her bag from the floor. “I’ll carry them for you, love,” he said, smiling.

This wasn’t unusual behaviour. Before the couple got together, everyone always thought Fred was a flirt and was hooking up with different people every weekend, and whilst they were right at the time, Fred is absolutely whipped for his badger girlfriend and hasn’t even looked at another girl since their first date. He’s always wanting to carry her books or he’s slinging an arm around her shoulder.

She has him wrapped around her finger and he couldn’t care less.

“You don’t have to do that, Freddie. You know my bag is heavy,” she says trying to grab the bag from him. Fred only takes three classes, considering the three O.W.L’s he received in their fifth year, meaning sometimes he only has one class a day. However, Y/N managed to receive ten, only failing History of Magic (‘Who fucking cares?’ was everyone’s response), resulting in her having multiple classes a day and therefore a very heavy bag. 

Fred, of course, shrugs it off, “I’m a beater, darling. Nice and strong. I can barely tell that you have five textbooks in here,” he says as he winks and causes Y/N’s face to heat up as she swats him on the chest. “I’m just saying you don’t have too, I can carry my own bag,” she pouts. While she knows Fred is more than happy to lug her bag around, she hates the idea that he’s only doing it out of obligation to be a ‘good boyfriend’. 

These insecurities aren’t new. She hears what people say about them and it doesn’t bother her for the most part. Just there’s only so many times she can handle people she’s not even friends with talking about how ‘Y/N isn’t right for Fred’. 

“You have potions now, yes?” Fred asks, pulling Y/N out of her worries as she follows Fred through the corridors. That’s another thing she never expected, Fred learnt her timetable when they started dating so he could always walk her to class. “I do, Freddie. You have a free right, are you spending it with George and Lee?” 

Fred nods, “I sure am, we’re meeting in the One-Eyed Witch passage to pop down to Honeydukes too, you need anything?” Y/N frowns at this. “Freddie, that passage is on the third floor on the other side of the school. You don’t have to walk me to potions,” she tries to grab her bag from him again and he shakes his head.

“Darling, what part of ‘I want to do this’ do you not understand?” While his tone is sharp, he’s not angry. Y/N doesn’t think she’s ever seen Fred this serious, a glint of cheekiness is always present in his eyes but right now, he looks about as serious as Snape when talking about proper cauldron care. 

“I just don’t want to keep you from the boys,” she whispers, tugging at the sleeves of her robes. They stop walking, and Fred drags her body into a hug. “The boys are fine waiting, now do you want anything from Honeydukes.” 

She falters for a second, just enjoying being in his presence. Despite the short amount of time they’ve been dating, Y/N knows what she feels for him is love and she can only hope the tall ginger boy feels the same way in return. His embrace can only be described as comfort, all Y/N’s worries rushing away as his familiar scent of firewood and cinnamon fills her senses.

“Some sugar quills, please,” she mumbles into his robes. “Anything for you,” he replies, pulling away and grabbing her hand. “C’mon, you’re going to be late for potions.” 

-

It’s after dinner by the time Y/N catches Fred again. She’s walking out of the Great Hall when she feels her robes get tugged on and she almost falls over. 

“Hi,” Fred says, “some sugar quills for my sugar quill.” 

Y/N cringes at the cheesy nickname as she thanks him, popping the sweets into her robe pockets, “What are your plans for tonight?” Fred shrugs, more quiet than usual as he plays with Y/N’s fingers. “Nothing, I was… I was wondering if I can come and hang in the Hufflepuff common room with you?” 

He’s shy and Y/N almost coos at it. Fred ‘no filter when he speaks’ Weasley is blushing as he asks his girlfriend to spend some time with her in her house common room, this is a once in a lifetime happening. 

“Of course, Freddie. Any reason why?” It’s not that she doesn’t want him spending time with her. But Fred’s never expressed an interest in spending the night in, rather opting to terrorise Filch or another teacher after dinner.

“You like spending your evenings reading in front of the fire. I feel like I’ve barely seen you today,” he whispers. At this, she decides not to torture the poor boy any further and grabs his hand. “C’mon,” 

They arrive at the common room in no time, no one batting an eye at the Gryffindor waltzing into the common room where he doesn’t belong. In fact, he gets quite a few “Hi Fred’s!” from people in their year. He’s always been popular and well known, so of course, the house of kindness is happy to have him.

“I’m going to run up to my dorm and change, are you sure you’re okay?” Fred nods, sitting himself down on the soft yellow chair in front of the fire. It’s Y/N’s favourite chair to read in and Fred knows it. “Sure am, hurry back before I freeze to death.”

Y/N speed changes, switching out her uniform for some sweatpants, one of Fred’s old jumpers and her favourite fuzzy sock. While she’s up there, she grabs a spare sweater she’s stolen from Fred for him to change into and her copy of ‘Frankenstein’ from her nightstand and rushes back downstairs and straight into Fred’s lap. “Hi,” she whispers, kissing him on the cheek. 

Fred hums a hello as he settles into the soft pillows of the couch. Y/N perches herself next to him, slinging her legs across his lap with her back against the arm rest. “What’s it about?” Fred asks, gesturing to the book she’s just opened. He knows Y/N’s love for muggle books and he loves hearing her talk about them, even though he never understands. “A scientist who creates a ‘monster’ through experiments… It’s one of my favourites.” 

She waves the book in Fred’s face and sure enough, the sticky notes and the plastic tabs are sticking out, referencing all her favourite parts. “It sounds cool, can I read it after you?” 

Y/N is shy about this. Books are very important to her and she feels her sticky notes and writing in the margins are her deepest thoughts, a peep into her soul. But the boy in front of her owns her heart, every single part of it, and she decided then and there, she wants to share every part of herself with him. “Sure, but you have to promise to not judge my notes.” 

He could never, the Hufflepuff girl in his lap turns his heart to mush no matter how much he tries to hide it and he can’t even imagine hurting her. He holds his pinky out, “I promise,” he says as she hooks her own with his and he presses a kiss to her forehead. 

They sit in silence for a while. Fred starts conversing with members of the Hufflepuff quidditch team (“We’re going to crush you next week, Kirke” she hears Fred say at one point and she has to nudge him with her knee to not start a brawl in the common room) while Y/N reads. At one point, her hand ends up in Fred’s hair, playing with the short strands at the nape of his neck. 

When she does this, Fred leans into her touch and his eyes flicker shut for only a second. She thinks she’s finally found a way to quiet him down and she makes a mental note to play with his hair next time she wants to get some reading done. 

The time starts to near 10pm as Y/N starts yawning, and as much as Fred would love to stay, he knows he’ll have enough trouble getting back to Gryffindor tower without George, Lee and their trusty Mauraders Map. “I should probably get going, darling,” Fred mutters after a while and when he looks at his girlfriend, she’s pouting.

“I wish you could stay,” she says and when Fred cocks his eyebrow she laughs, “not like that, you git!” 

She quickly stands, pulling Fred’s gangly body up from the couch and into her arms. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, we have double Defence,” Fred says laughing and she feels his chest rumble with laughter. “Too long,” she mumbles in reply. When Y/N gets tired, she gets clingy which was one of the earliest things Fred ever learnt about her. It’s always one of the cutest things about her.

He walks to the portrait hole, his small girlfriend clinging to his body and he presses a soft kiss to her hairline before detaching her. “Darling, I have to go.”

He feels terrible. He knows she isn’t being clingy to make him feel bad, she genuinely just wants to spend time with him. She yawns again, eyes scrunched closed as she stretches her arms that somehow end up wrapped back around his waist. 

“Okay, you can go,” she gives him one final squeeze before letting him go and looking up at him and before Fred can stop himself the words are slipping out.

“I love you.” 

This wakes her up immediately and her eyes are wide as she looks at him, “R-really?” 

Fred was going to pretend he never said it, worried it was both too early and that she didn’t feel the same way. But the way she’s looking at him, glints of happiness in her eyes and the biggest smile he’s ever seen on her face he knows now is the right time.

“I do, I love you.” 

She jumps on him again, pressing her lips to his. Her lips are soft against his, they always are and the kiss is filled with love and adoration. Neither of them is aware of how long they stand there, embraced in each other’s arms until they’re barely kissing anymore, their smiles too wide. 

“I love you too, Freddie. I love you more,” she says, full seriousness in her face. “Oh love, you won’t win this argument.” He presses a kiss to her lips again before slinking out of the portrait hole, leaving Y/N standing with her fingers pressed to her lips smiling. 

[sundaysundaes]

Falling

Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader | Smut, Fluff, Angst | NC-17 | 11K

Summary: In the absence of your warmth, Lee Donghyuck begins to reminisce the loving memories he’s shared with you in the past three years, regretting how your first fight turned into something that ended it all. Lyrics are taken from this beautiful song: Harry Style’s Falling.

Warnings: Unprotected sex (please practice safe sex!), oral sex, alcohol consumption, swearing

I'm in my bed

And you're not here

The small, barely prominent crack on the ceiling of his bedroom has always gone unnoticeable. It stands only as a silent witness of the meeting between a pair of plumps lips to redder ones, the breathless sounds of frantic moans, and the sacred exchange of loving words. But not tonight. Tonight, as he lays on his bed, sheets all crumpled but with the absence of your warmth, Donghyuck notices everything.

He notices how quiet his room—his entire apartment—feels when it’s only the sound of his own, soft breathing echoes through the air. The walls, the carpet, the bedsheets, the framed photographs that remind him of the joy that used to bloom on his face—everything feels monochromatic. Empty. Shallow. Because ever since you walked out of his life, you’ve taken all the colors with you, leaving him solely in black and white.

And there's no one to blame

But the drink in my wandering hands

With the bitter taste of vodka sitting on his tongue, Donghyuck closes his eyes, allowing himself to remember but not forgive the words he once said to you. 

Regrets start to suffocate him at once.

Forget what I said

It's not what I meant

And I can't take it back

I can't unpack the baggage you left

What hurts from a break-up is not the parting of two hearts, but the memories that had been drawn deep within them. It’s not the kiss that he misses, it’s the taste of your lips—the faint scent of strawberry that sits pale in comparison to your natural flavor. It’s the way they move against his own, timid at first then consuming all at once. And how there will be no other girl that will taste the same, feel the same, or emit the same kind of feelings from him.

It’s funny, Donghyuck thinks, how he can only see your smile behind his closed eyelids these days. But he doesn’t find himself laughing. He can’t even remember the last time he found a reason to smile, now that you’re gone.

The moon was hiding behind thick clouds, he remembers, that night when fate walked in and introduced you to one another.

Donghyuck’s eyes were glued to the silver screen, adrenaline pumping through his veins as he witnessed the battle between the villain and the protagonist grew deadly. The thrill of it soon perished, however, when a scent of chamomile shampoo fleeted through his nose.

Your head was falling onto his shoulder as you waned into your dreamland. Unbeknownst to you, you had been leaning your weight entirely to a stranger whose bergamot perfume compelled you to focus on anything besides the movie. It was as pleasant as it was distracting. But after being sleep deprived for three days, exhaustion finally took over and you fell asleep so deeply, you didn’t even have the strength to dream.

Your weight on his body was unfamiliar but it wasn’t uncomfortable for twenty-two years-old Lee Donghyuck. As he took a glance at your face, it wasn’t your beauty that kept him frozen—except for the gentle smile that broke on his lips. It was how peaceful you looked, almost like an enervated child curling up after spending her time chasing butterflies on the field.

Donghyuck shifted carefully on his seat, attempting his best to give you comfort by providing more space for you to lean your weight on. Then he stayed still, his smile never faltered away, the movie long forgotten. He didn’t spare a glance at the screen even when people were gasping at the sight of the protagonist dying in his lover’s arms. He was more intrigued by the thought of your name, wondering whether it would sound as nice as the smell of your shampoo.

When the credits rolled, Donghyuck told Mark and Jeno in hushed whispers to leave without him, throwing icy glares at them when they grinned devilishly at the sight of you sleeping on his shoulder. He went as further as kicking Jeno on the shin when his voice rose too loudly, afraid that he’d wake you up, which made the other man complain because certainly, the background music was louder than anything else in the room.

Nevertheless, you were still deep in your slumber.

Donghyuck begged for more time when one of the concessions workers asked him to leave. Refused and left with no other solution, he sighed and turned his head toward you.

“Hey,” he whispered, heart palpitating in anticipation of finally hearing your voice. “We have to go.”

His voice was foreign to your ears but it was so soothing, almost like a lullaby, that you snuggled closer, wanting to hear more of it. It took Donghyuck three times more with his cheeks reddening to call upon you until you finally found the power to detach yourself from your stupor.

“Hey there,” a boy—beautiful boy—with glowing, sun-kissed skin; round, enticing eyes; and a voice as sweet as honey, beamed at you with a smile so warm, it nearly melted your heart, and you decided ah, I don’t ever want to wake up from this dream.

It was when the usher popped into your vision, stating, “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but we’re closing,” that you internally screamed oh God, no, this isn’t a dream, what have I done?

“So that’s what he said.” Donghyuck’s smile was sheepish with a tint of teasing, and your heart moved on its own, yearning for him to display you another one. “But if you still have time to spare, we can go get some coffees or something. I can fill you in on the details.”

“A—” Your voice was hoarse from sleep, embarrassingly so. “About what?”

“About the movie you just missed.” The grin he showcased grew wider and this time, it was so utterly mischievous that you had to break your gaze before heat rushed to your face. “The fact that you’re here watching a movie by yourself must mean you’re interested to see how it ends. I can help you with that.”

“Umm—” You rummaged your purse, pretending like you were searching for something when it was only a poor excuse for you to not be captivated by his eyes longer than you already were. “It’s fine, I can look it up online.”

“But then what should I do with this?” He brought his right hand in the air, pursing his lips. “My arm’s falling asleep. Shouldn’t you take responsibility for it?”

The horrified look on your face made him laugh, and his laughter became the reason why you decided to throw all common sense away and just went with what felt right.

Awkward conversations made you anxious but they died before you could finish your coffee. They were reborn into something that was supposed to only be shared between friends instead of strangers, but with Donghyuck, everything felt so natural, you didn’t even find the will to question it. His affable, carefree attitude was almost inspiring, breaking through your facade as easy as counting his fingers.

“So, how come you went to the movies by yourself?” Donghyuck asked, his coffee long forgotten on the table as he was more drawn to you and the little smile you retained on your lips. “Boyfriend too busy to come along?”

A bit flustered, you brought your head down, hiding your eyes behind your fringe. “I don’t... have a boyfriend.”

Donghyuck raised an eyebrow, lying his chin on his palm as he rested his elbow on the table. The way he stared at you made your stomach flip, and he reciprocated with nothing but a hum, tapping a finger to his cheek. His tiny smile held a thousand meaning.

You hurriedly took a sip of your coffee. “I, uhh, I had some free time today and it’s my favorite movie franchise—I just got to see how it ended. But all my friends have seen it, so…”

“They didn’t invite you?”

“They did. I was just busy with work.”

His voice dropped an octave lower. “And they didn’t wait for you.”

“It’s—” Your chest tightened. “It’s fine, really. I mean, it would only make me feel bad if they waited for me. My schedule is crazy. I haven’t been sleeping properly for three days because of my deadlines.”

“Yeah, I noticed that.” He chuckled and you noticed how his teeth were a little jagged. “I could still smell your drool on my shirt, actually.”

“Oh my God,” you spluttered. “I’m—Please let me wash it for you.”

“And you expect me to walk home half-naked?” His naughty eyebrow raise made your skin tingle. “Or are you inviting me to stay over?” Seeing you part your mouth but lost for words, Donghyuck tittered. “I’m kidding. I would’ve waited for you. No matter how busy you were, I would. And even if I’ve watched it first, I wouldn’t mind watching it again with you.”

You shook your head, both in attempts to disagree with his words and to erase your blush away. “But that would be a waste of money—”

“That wouldn’t be a waste, and you know why?” He leaned closer, body almost halfway through the table. “Because for me, it’s never about the movie. It’s about watching it together with you. About us complaining about the plot holes, talking about the bad acting, laughing at each other when something reminds us of one of our inside jokes. That’s what makes it worth.” As Donghyuck realized how your eyes were locked with his, your breath hitching in your throat with the proximity, he quickly plummeted back to his seat, flushed. “I mean, it applies to everyone—not you, specifically.”

So he could be shy, you wondered. And what else could he be? Maybe buried underneath those mischievous grins, laid a caring heart. Maybe he could be the one who’d understand when you missed three of his calls as you tried to survive your deadlines. Maybe he would cook you breakfast instead of just reminding you to take one. Maybe he could taste sweeter than any boy you’d ever kissed.

So when his curiosity for you matched the intensity you had towards him, you let your walls crumble, welcoming him with open arms.

“It’s going to rain,” Donghyuck mentioned, eyes observing the night sky, dark clouds rumbling as they hovered above you. You were walking next to him, knuckles nearly grazing one another from how near you were though none of you was brave enough to close the distance.

Although obvious, you decided to humor him. “Yeah? How can you tell?”

“‘Cause I’m psychic.” The added wink in the end was a bonus but to you, it became the main reason why you had to drag your gaze to your feet.

Funny how for the past three hours, your smile never faltered away—almost to the point that your cheekbones began to hurt—when you could barely remember the last time you found amusement in anything.

“Are you cold?” he asked, and you promptly shook your head no. Unfortunately for you, your body betrayed you. Donghyuck chuckled softly when he noticed the shivers that ran through your spine. “Want me to lend you my jacket?”

“Oh—no, it’s fine, I’m—”

“It was a rhetorical question, dummy.” The body heat that was imprinted on his leather jacket made you well-aware of just how warm he actually was. The scent of his bergamot perfume was overwhelmingly delightful, but there was another scent underneath it—something that reminded you of summer, sunlight, and sandalwood—that made you wonder, maybe, if he wasn’t wearing this perfume, he’d smell just like this.

He pushed your hair away from your neck, straightening the jacket until it enveloped you entirely with its warmth. “Better?”  

You eventually managed to snap yourself out of your reverie. “Were you always this smooth with women?”

“No, I just practiced in front of my mirror a lot.”

“Practiced what?”

He wiggled his eyebrows. “The art of seduction.”

“Is that so?” Your cheeks began to warm but it was probably because of the jacket. “Guess I should try that sometimes,” you joked.

“I don’t think you need it,” he cooed, bending himself down a little so you were eye-to-eye. “You already have me wrapped around your fingers from the second I laid my eyes on you.” When you became petrified by his words, his laughter reverberated through the air. “Now, that’s an example. How did I do?”

Ignoring your racing heart, you retorted, “Terrible.”

“Then will you let me practice on you so I can get better?”

Just like that, you found yourself sporting another smile. “Now, that’s smooth.”

Your life had been dull, repeating the same routines over and over again with your job taking most of your precious hours. Being with Donghyuck was a breath of fresh air—a stranger who was attentive to every little gesture you made, every little word that escaped your mouth, as much as he easily stole your attention away. His confidence was inspiring, his laughter was contagious, and you adored every little bit of his quirkiness.

“This feels like a date,” he professes, smiling diffidently to himself. “Would it be okay for me to think of it as a date?”

Suddenly, your vocabulary had diminished into nothing but his name. You nodded, and surprisingly enough for you, Donghyuck snickered, hand reaching out to playfully—almost childishly—ruffle your strands. “Thanks. Then a date it is.”

You wished time could go slower so you could savor the moment, memorizing the heart shape of his lips when he grinned.

You stopped in front of your apartment building, a breeze of cold night wind caressing your cheeks. “Umm, this is me,” you said, dismantling his leather jacket of your body. “Thank you... for this.”

Donghyuck’s fingertips grazed against your knuckles and it took longer than necessary for him to retrieve it from your hand. “You’re welcome.”

“And...” Your mind strayed away from forming the right words as you took notice of him wearing his leather jacket, how it fitted him so perfectly, how handsome he looked. “Umm, thank you for walking me back.”

“Thank you for giving me the chance.” His smile reminded you of spring, your favorite season, the way it blossomed on his face, so warm and beautiful. “I could’ve been a serial killer, you know. Showing me where you live isn’t too smart.”

“You don’t look like a serial killer to me.”

“Yeah?” His smile turned impish. “Then, how do I look like to you?”

You were fast to pivot on your heels. “I think I should go.”

His laughter filled the air. “Wait, I haven’t even said good night yet.”

“Then good ni—“ Your words died on your tongue when a pair of plump lips found their way to your cheek, just brushing lightly against the skin but your entire breath escaped your lungs at once. He retraced his steps before you could respond properly, biting the corner of his lip, looking somewhat unsure.

“Sorry if that’s—“ Donghyuck cleared his throat. “Umm, good night.”

You felt lightheaded, and you shortly blamed it on the amount of espresso you’d gulped too much during the day. “Good… night…”

Donghyuck was too bashful to meet your eyes, which was why you were brave enough to sneak a glimpse at his face. You decided that his sly, confident grins looked alluring on his face, but they were nothing compared to how adorable he seemed when he evinced that nervous, shy look on his face.

It took a few seconds before Donghyuck gave you a weak nod and walked away, taking the same direction from where you came. Something queasy grew inside your stomach, your grip around your purse tightening. 

Is it all there is? Am I never going to see him again?

With a heavy sigh, you walked toward your building.

Maybe he doesn't like me that much... But what do I do now? I want to see him again.

I don’t want to let him go without knowing whether I could see him again.

God, for once, just do something for yourself. Do something that makes you happy, be brave!

Taking a deep breath, you chose to gamble.

At the same time you turned on your heels, shouting his name, Donghyuck was calling upon yours and you both met each other halfway, breathless when it didn’t even take you more than twenty steps to reach one another.

“H-hi,” you greeted, voice quivering but not as much as the fingers you curled around the hem of your blouse.

“Hey.” Donghyuck’s gaze softened. “I was wondering—”

“Can we meet again?” You didn’t intend to cut him off so abruptly, but the anxiety within you nearly made your heart burst that you ended up asking the question without waiting for him to finish his. “I—I mean—I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt—”

“Yes, a thousand times yes,” he answered in one breath, with his sentence ending in chuckles. “You’re adorable, do you know that?”

Your heart was still about to burst but for an entirely different reason. “That’s…” You tucked a loose strand of your hair behind your ear—a habit that seemed to appear whenever you were too embarrassed to function. “That’s great. I mean, the fact that you want to see me again, not—” Oh God, okay, stop. “Well, then, umm, I guess I should leave now.”

He concealed his grin. “Aren’t you going to ask for my number or something?”

You mentally slapped yourself. “Y-yes, that would make it easier.”

The way Donghyuck was gazing at you made you feel like you were about to fall from the edge of your seat. He must think I’m an idiot. But had you been brave enough to see the gleam in his eyes, you would’ve noticed how he was staring at you so adoringly. “Give me your phone then.” When you just stood still, too busy trying to comprehend that a cute boy was really going to give you his number, Donghyuck added, “To add my numbers, Sweetheart. What, do I look like someone who flirts with pretty girls just to steal their phones away?”

“I wasn’t—” You quickly handed him your phone. “Here.”

Donghyuck’s smile grew playful again. “Care to make it interesting?”

“What?”

“I’ll add my numbers except for the last digit. You gotta guess it.”

“What? Why—”

“Because you’re cute,” he repeated, cocking his head as he returned your phone. “And it makes me want to tease you even more.” You unconsciously began to pout and he nearly whimpered at the sight. “Don’t do that, that’s not fair.”

You mumbled quietly, “I don’t like being made fun of.”

“I’m not making fun of you, I’m teasing you. There’s a difference.” He sighed, fingertips aching to reach out and swat your bangs away from your eyes. “A huge difference.”

You jutted out your bottom lip. “Feels the same to me.”

Donghyuck leaned in, calloused palm finding its way to cup your cheek, lifting your face so the streetlight could illuminate your features. “You need to wash that pout away from your face,” he whispered, eyes slowly going down to your lips that you had to remind yourself to breathe. “Or else I won’t be able to hold myself back.”

It was supposed to be another teasing, you knew he only meant it that way. But all trace of playfulness quickly vanished from his face when he noticed your eyes drifting to his lips—just for a split second—but that was enough. He saw the sign, he felt the chemistry, and there was no way he was going to let it pass just like that. Not when he had been thinking the same thing repeatedly for the last three hours you’d been together.

It wasn’t your first kiss—nor your second or third—but it was the kiss that mattered and you weren’t sure why. Three hours ago, he was a stranger. Now, he sent a trickle of electricity through your bloodstream, as if he was your first love. As if you had been wanting him for years.

A gentle rain began to pour over your heads, tiny droplets staining your cheeks but all you could think about was the way his thumb was caressing your cheekbone, how his lips were warmer and softer than anything you could have imagined, yet fierce and powerful at the same time.

“Am I going too fast?” He asked in a broken whisper, parting away just enough to murmur the question but close enough that you could still feel his words grazing your lips.

“Yes.” But you curled your fingers on the front of his shirt, tugging him closer. Donghyuck sighed into your mouth, eyebrows furrowing as he let himself drown deeper in passion. What started as a chaste kiss became ardent, and you allowed him to taste you enough so that he would fall asleep thinking about your lips. Donghyuck took a hold of your wrist, detaching your grip from his fabric and moved it up, silently telling you to wind your arms around his neck instead. The second you did it, he melded his lips with yours in a passion that matched the blazing sun, entangling his long arms around your waist, nearly lifting you off your feet as he embraced you tighter.

You wanted to preserve this moment. Right here, kissing fervidly under the soft rain in the arms of a stranger, drowned in the feelings of excitement. Because if you were oxygen, then Donghyuck was dying to breathe.

When it ended, you wished it didn’t have to. Donghyuck’s eyes were deep and intense as they peered into yours, growing a bit half-lidded when he shifted them back to your lips. “Hey.”

You mirrored his gentle smile, forehead pressing against his. “Hi…”

“I don’t know about you,” he chuckled lowly, “but as far as first kisses go, I think that was the best first kiss in the history of mankind.”

You tried to suppress your laughter but failed instantly. “Hyuck?”

“Yeah?”

“Judging from that line, I think you need to practice harder on your art of seduction.”

“Let’s just go back to kissing for now. I like kissing.” He pulled you in again, exchanging muffled giggles between playful kisses.

And if happiness had a form, it would’ve had his smile.

What am I now? What am I now?

What if I’m someone I don’t want around?

I’m falling again. I’m falling again.

I’m falling.

It’s almost laughable that the memories that once sparked so much joy in his heart have taken a shape of javelin, striking him deep in his chest, right where he ached for you the most. It tasted like summer when he kissed you in the rain, and the pain that swells in Donghyuck’s heart whenever the memory of it suffices is harder than the storm. And now, it’s the silence of the room—the absence of your presence—that pierces his skin.

It was easy for him to fall in love with you. So easy, it frightened him at first. After his first relationship, the way his first love shed his heart to pieces, he thought he wouldn’t be able to love someone ever again. Wouldn’t have the courage to even try. But when you came into the picture, Donghyuck didn’t even have the strength to resist. You were everything he ever wanted, an epitome of the woman that graced his dreams. And he was a prisoner, trapped under your spell.

So, why does everything have to end?

Now that he’s falling without you catching him, what is he going to do?

He hates who he’s become. He loathes the fact that he can no longer easily smile like he used to. He despises how grimly he envisioned the world these days. As if you were his entire future, and now that you’re gone, his whole world collapses. Donghyuck no longer knows himself, as you were the one who defines him. The one who gave meaning to his life. The one who mended his broken heart.

What if I’m down? What if I’m out?

What if I’m someone you won’t talk about?

I’m falling again. I’m falling again.

I’m falling.

You must hate me now, Donghyuck ponders, bringing his arm over his face, nibbling at the corner of his lip. The things I said… How I let you go without even giving us a chance… I must have hurt you…

It all began that night, on the day of your twenty-sixth birthday. Two years had passed since you shared your first kiss. Little fights over your differences couldn’t be avoided, but they helped nurture the bond you had with him, making it stronger. And each forgiveness was sincere and was rich in kisses. Donghyuck always made sure of that.

As you were fond of movies, your perfect date must involve watching a movie together with him so Donghyuck, dressed unusually handsomely in a white button-up shirt and black khakis that caught you off guard, took you out to the movie theater—the place where fate once meddled in and brought you to one another.

Knowing your taste, he paid two tickets to see the latest romantic movie, two buckets of popcorn, and a coke for him but iced green tea for you, realizing full well how soda had become one of your biggest enemies ever since your diet started. He made sure that your seats were located on the corner top of the theater, private enough for him to snuggle close to you or steal kisses whenever he felt like doing. You didn’t mind because Donghyuck would only kiss you when you seemed bored, never wanting to bother you when you were too immersed in the movie. He simply kept his hand laced with yours the whole time to make up for the loss.

Complaining about the plot holes and making jokes that only you two could understand had become Donghyuck’s habit to keep you entertained during the movie and it was something you always looked forward to. But that night, he was quiet, his eyebrows creasing in irritation but because of what, you were clueless.

“Are you okay?” You asked as you exited the building, this time being the one who reached out for his hand first. Donghyuck stiffened but his shoulders soon relaxing as he intertwined your fingers together.

“I’m fine,” he assured. “Why, do I not look fine?”

You weakly smiled back, uncertain. “You just seem awfully quiet, that’s all.”

He rubbed his nape, somehow looking a bit perturbed. “I just… It made me remember something I’ve been trying my best to forget.”

“You mean the movie?”

“Yeah.” He sighed into the night, puffs of hot air erupting from his slightly chapped lips. “I don’t know about you, but I think the way the movie depicted their long-distance relationship is just bullshit.”

There was so much bitterness in his words that it nearly made you stop walking. Suddenly, there was a thick tension around you, one that made you aware that it would be wiser to drop the conversation. But curiosity was eating you from the inside. He looked so crushed, so angry, and Donghyuck was turning into a whole other person before you.

You asked him what happened.

“I don’t think I want to talk about my past relationship when I’m celebrating a special night with my girlfriend.” He forced himself to laugh about it, but it sounded hollow.

You unconsciously tightened your grip around his hand. “I just wanted to understand you better.”

“Hey.” He pulled you toward him so abruptly, you ended up falling on his chest. His smile was warmer when he looked at you. “Without even knowing my past, you already understand me better than anyone.”

You were still unsettled when Donghyuck kissed your lips to divert your attention, softly biting your lower one just to joke around to ease the tension. “Ah, I can’t wait until we’re home,” he whispered when all laughter had receded and he had his fingers tucking your loose strands behind your ear. “I want to make love to you.”

Your heart beat thunderously inside your chest. “You’re—you’re just gonna say it so blatantly like that?” He used to be so shy about it, asking you to join him in bed by pressing open-mouthed kisses down your neck instead of using words.

“Just wanted you to know my plans beforehand.” He simpered. “Or do you not want to?”

Face aflame, you hurriedly took a couple of strides forward, leading the way with your hand clamping his wrist. “Where are we going?” Donghyuck frowned but followed you nonetheless. “The restaurant is right there.”

“We can have dinner after.” You threw a look over your shoulder, too nervous to smile, but hoped your words would deliver. “Aren’t we going to make love?”

His astonished look soon turned delicate. Donghyuck’s smiles were always beautiful, but the ones that were caused by you were the brightest. 

As soon as the door clicked open, Donghyuck half-pushed, half-carried you inside his apartment that smelled pleasantly like him. He didn’t wait until it was properly closed before he latched his parted lips on your softer ones, fusing perfectly in the way no one ever could. A stinging pain erupted from the back of your head when Donghyuck drove you to the wall, not knowing his own strength, but when you groaned against his mouth, it was solely because you needed him as much as he needed you.

“I love you,” he breathlessly said against your neck, tearing your coat away from your body, fingers slipping underneath your dress. “I love you so much, it’s insane.”

It had been three months since you first exchanged the sacred three words, but no matter how much Donghyuck had whispered them to your ears, painted them to your skin with his lips, it still felt like the first time you heard him say the words. It wasn’t just because of how many promises he held underneath them, it was the way he said them—so sincerely, so desperately, as if you were running out of time and he needed you to hear them before you disappeared from his life.

“I—” You flinched, pulling him for another kiss again when Donghyuck hooked his fingers on the side of your lingerie, hastily pushing it down your thighs. “I love you too—Hyuck—”

The bed was not more than twenty steps away but it was long forgotten when Donghyuck, still with his teeth ghosting across your lower lip, hastily unzipped himself and pushed his jeans and boxers lower enough for your hand to find and stroke him to life. “God, baby—” he hissed when you curled your fingers around him, hot breath caressing your jawline. “I want—I need to be inside you—just—”

No one had ever wanted you the way he did. Every kiss was nearly bruising, every hug was almost suffocating, the thrill of it all was overwhelming. 

It was almost a whine that escaped his lips when he vocalized your name. As soon as his desperate gasp and pleading moan reached your ears, the butterflies came alive in your stomach. Your skin tingled, even with the lightest brush of his lips. Your fingers found home in his hair when he kissed the valley between your breasts, tugging at his soft strands and earning a low grunt in response.

You gave him a sign, affirming that it was okay to continue and Donghyuck wasted no time. Pushing the fabric of your dress as much as he could until it pooled around your waist, he lifted one of your legs and wrapped it around his hips, one hand sliding down to prop up your thigh, the other one aligning his tip against your entrance.

The friction made you moan, both in pain and passion, as Donghyuck slid himself in one swift motion. The second he was sheathed deep inside, waiting for you to adjust to his size, he drew out a long sigh, eyes shut close as he relished the sensation. But when your gaze met, his half-lidded eyes were gentler than they had been the entire day. Careful fingers framed your face, his thumb rubbing comforting circles along your cheekbone. “Are you okay?”

You weakly nodded, smiling sheepishly. “Are you?”

His chuckles were light and bashful. “I’m feeling great,” he said. He moved his hips without warning, just a little, not too fast, not too deep, but the sensation was enough to make you whimper and Donghyuck swallowed every little noise you made directly with his lips.

A certain thrust made you squeeze around him and he drowned out his moan by mouthing against your shoulder, teeth prickling against the skin. “Fuck, do that again, baby, please.” And as he continued hitting the same spot, it was a given that you provided the same reaction.

Donghyuck was insanely good at making you feel good, and in return, you wanted to give him everything that he desired. “I love how you feel around me,” he confessed under his breath, as if he was talking to himself. “Perfect—you’re so perfect for me—”

Your arms were frantically clutching around his neck, trying to maintain stability when Donghyuck pushed you up the wall, now lifting both of your feet off the ground. He buried himself deeper, moved his hips faster, and kissed you with the desperation of a dying man.

You tried to hold back but you couldn’t. It was too much. His breathless moans in your ear, the frantic sway of his hips, the closeness of your bodies—everything was overwhelming and you came hard on his length, legs wrapping tightly around his waist as Donghyuck chased after your lips. 

“Fuck,” he breathed heavily, his jaw hung low. The way you quivered and clenched around him sent fire through his veins. “Did you just come?” he whispered and you bit your lip in shame. The tiny laugh that broke free from his lips were both playful and filled with tenderness. “Already? That was fast.”

Flustered but not given the chance to react, you inhaled sharply when Donghyuck picked up the pace. He was almost growling when his lips grazed against the shell of your ear. “Actually, me too,” he moaned, “Is it—can I come inside?”

You nodded fervently, embracing him tighter and Donghyuck buried his head in the crook of your neck, hips stuttering as he came.

When he let you slide down to your feet, your knees gave out under your weight and you stumbled back to his chest. He held you close, laughing as he kissed the top of your head. “I’m sorry, come here.” Bending down slightly, Donghyuck hooked one arm under your knees and another one behind your back. He carried you in his arms, teasing, “The sex was so good, you could barely stand, huh?”

You playfully slapped his chest. “Shut up.”

But all of his mischievousness dissipated as soon as you both slipped under the duvet, his bedsheets felt silky smooth under your spine. He cleaned the stain that dripped down your thighs with a warm towel, but dipped his head down to taste you directly with his tongue the second he was finished with it. Donghyuck’s eyes never left yours, placing gentle kisses on the inner sides of your thighs and two more on your clit before he slid his tongue along your folds, slowly, as if he had the whole time in the world to please you.

He was always gentler the second time, slower with more feelings instead of sheer passion. So when he slid himself into you again, his forehead was pressed against yours, lips curving up into an innocent smile. “I never want to let you go,” he chuckled between tiny moans. “I want to stay just like this with you, forever.”

“I don’t think it’s physically possible,” you giggled, raking your nails down his spine and he arched his back in response. 

“Wouldn’t it be great if we could stay connected like this all the time, though?” Donghyuck broke away, sitting on his heels as he rested one of your legs on his shoulder. His fingers were kneading the skin of your thigh, hugging your leg close to his chest as he rocked his hips slowly, savoring every moment. “I mean, ah, doesn’t this feel good?”

You nibbled at your lip, sighing. Good was an understatement but you weren’t sure you could find a term to perfectly define how amazing he felt around you. From where you laid on the bed, you could take a good look at Donghyuck’s eyes—the way they drooped slightly, clouded with both affection and infatuation every time they met yours. How the muscles in his abs were flexing with every movement. The sinful, obscene sway of his hips. The little smirk that broke on his face when you accidentally moaned his name too loud—Donghyuck was... Beautiful. Irresistible. Sexy. 

“Baby?” Donghyuck called, chuckling softly as he peppered open-mouthed kisses to your ankle that made you stare in a haze. “You okay down there?”

You pursed your lips. “Just enjoying the view.”

“Yeah?” He brought your leg down so he could fall back into your arms, mouth meeting your jawline before it moved to playfully bite the tip of your nose. “Well, I’ve got something else you could also enjoy.”

You hummed, trying your best to contain your moan when he suddenly brought his fingers down to rub against your clit. “And what’s that?” Though by the way he slammed his hips harder against yours served as an obvious answer.

“Some caramel pudding,” he answered, nipping against your neck as he grinned, careful enough not to leave any marks. “They’re in the fridge. You’ll love them.”

It was hard to focus when he kept hitting the spot that made you curl your toes. “Hyuck...” You pushed a loose strand of his hair behind his ear before you caressed his cheek. “I love you.”

His movements stopped, eyes peering into yours, stunned at first, then melted into something softer than the breath of summer. “I love you too.” His lips never left yours as they spoke each loving word with more sentimentality and less urgency. “And happy birthday, baby...”

When both of you had no strength left but to cuddle in each other’s arms, you gathered the courage to ask once more. “Hyuck?”

“Hmm?”

“I still want to know, after all. About what happened to you earlier. You looked so distraught—I can’t rest before I know what upsets you.”

Donghyuck’s fingers stopped momentarily from carding through your strands but with a heavy sigh, he surrendered.

It was his first relationship with his first love, back when he was sixteen. They were together for four years but knew each other for ten. She was a close friend that grew into something more. Even loving words didn’t need to be exchanged as they could practically finish each other’s thoughts. You felt a pang of jealousy gnawing at you from the inside, at the thought of him having someone so important in his life—someone who had stayed with him longer than you’d met him—someone whose name couldn’t be spoken as it triggered too many emotions.

But for the sake of understanding him, you cast your jealousy aside, no matter how much it hurt.

Donghyuck’s voice had lost its usual cheeriness when he reminisced his past. By the time they graduated high school, she decided to continue her study in Japan. Donghyuck let her go, supporting her plans and dreams like the perfect boyfriend that he was. They were committed to each other, faithful to one another. Donghyuck never doubted her, not even once.

Until one day, during a summer break, he decided to pay her a visit. He bought airplane tickets with the money he’d saved up for months, along with a thoughtful gift for her birthday. But the second he saw her opening the door to her apartment, he realized that she wasn’t alone.

She was never alone. He was.

“Why are you here?” She asked, as if his presence was a bother. Him, the man whom she claimed she’d loved with her entire soul for the last four years. The man whom she had made love to on his bed just six months earlier. Donghyuck would never forget the look she had on her face that day.

“It’s funny how you’ve been with this person your whole life,” Donghyuck breathily said, eyes locked to the ceiling. “And you thought you knew them like the back of your hand and then one day, they betrayed you in the way you thought they were incapable of doing.”

You couldn’t find your voice, blending in with the silence of the room.

But he didn’t hate her, Donghyuck confessed. He hated himself. He hated how stupid—how innocent and gullible he was. He hated how easily he let someone else carry his heart around and let them do whatever they want with it. He knew that she wouldn’t have the power to destroy him, if he didn’t give her the chance. Maybe, if his thoughts weren’t as clouded by his feelings, he would’ve noticed the little sighs she made whenever he told her he loved her. He would’ve noticed the way she sounded much brighter when she talked about her life instead of their lives together during their late-night calls. He would’ve noticed how distant she sounded whenever she spoke his name, as if it was just another meaningless word and not the one that she used to murmur in short gasps near his ear.

And maybe if I hadn’t fallen in love...

Donghyuck fell mute for a few seconds as if he was drifted to another time and space. The hurting look on his face was so vivid that it broke you just by seeing it. Attempting to wash the pain away, you placed a hand on his cheek and Donghyuck grew rigid once before he melted into smiles, leaning into your touch.

“I had to stay for a whole week in a country I didn’t know because I couldn’t refund my ticket. All alone, since my girlfriend cheated on me and didn’t even care to apologize about it,” he murmured against your palm, still sounding bitter but with more ease. “So yeah, I probably have some trust issues now because of that.” He tried to laugh it off. “But it’s all right. I don’t care. I have you now, right?” He laid on his side, facing you with a boyish smile that made your heart race just a little bit faster. “I’m starting on a new page with you. And as long as you’re here with me, I’m the happiest man in the world.”

You reflected his smile though your heart was unsettled. “You’re lame.”

“Excuse me, I’m in love,” he corrected, pouting. But when his hand found yours, his expression grew tender again. Kissing each of your fingertips, he murmured, “We’ll always be together, right? Promise you won’t do that to me, ‘cause I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He knew what loving you could cost him, but you were different. And he was different. He wouldn’t fall into the same trap. He knew how to protect himself this time. So he allowed himself to love you just as much, if not more, moving on but never forget.

Your eyes were focusing on the way he brought your index finger between his lips, the tip pressing against his hot tongue. “Yes,” you softly whispered, hooking a finger around his silver necklace, pulling him in for a kiss. “We’ll always be together.”

So when you received a job promotion a year later, you didn’t know what to say to him. It was your dream job, finally achieving that position after practically hanging on for dear life for five years working in the company. The salary exceeded your expectation, and you would be working under a senior that you admired. The company would pay for all your living expenses, give you your own flat to live with a balcony where you could see the sun rising behind the skyscrapers. It all sounded so perfect. Too perfect.

Except for the part where you had to move to another country that stood three thousand miles from where he was.

You knew you should’ve said something to Donghyuck the first time your director broke the news to you. But you couldn’t as you didn’t know how. During the three years of your relationship, both of you had avoided talking about matters that could lead to fights, only allowing yourselves to discuss trivial, daily things that would make the other pout in annoyance but not fury. The first time you noticed this happened, was when both of you became too busy dealing with your own lives. You had your job to think about, while Donghyuck had his thesis to work on and there wasn’t much time to focus on each other even when you were staying in the same room.

Donghyuck often released his stress by nuzzling his nose against your neck, pulling you into his lap, whispering, “I miss you,” and you reciprocated each time with a kiss but you both stopped before it got too much, with you patting his cheek, apologizing to him with both words and your eyes, “I’m sorry, but I have a Zoom meeting in an hour so I really need to get my presentation done.”

He just sighed, pressing a tiny kiss between your eyebrows. “Well then, I’m gonna go catch some sleep. Don’t work too hard.”

And as he walked to the bedroom, closing the door behind him, leaving you alone in his living room, you realized the distance that grew between you. He used to look back, peeking his head through the door, saying, “Would it really kill you to just join me for, like, fifteen minutes? I’ll be fast, I swear,” which you would answer with a laugh, assuming he was joking. “Why are you laughing? I’m serious!”

Now, he doesn’t even stop to say good night.

You knew you could fix it—he knew he could fix it too—but none of you ever said anything about it, afraid that it would trigger something bigger that neither of you wouldn’t be able to fix.

It didn’t mean that you didn’t try. Every weekend, you would commit yourself fully for him and Donghyuck would accept your unspoken apology with all his heart. You once attempted to drop some clues about your promotion during dinner when he made you your favorite dish, grinning from ear-to-ear as he waited for your reaction. Donghyuck’s Spaghetti Aglio e olio never disappointed you, but you know your words would. So when he was smiling at you, his thumb gliding along your knuckles as he took your hand in his, how could you tell him? 

I just need more time to prepare myself. To find a better way to explain.

But before you could find your words, Donghyuck found your promotion letter.

“What is this?” He asked to your horror, body leaning against the doorframe, your letter in his hand.

The maroon dress you were trying to fold fell from your lap as you stood up abruptly, eyes widening in shock. “That’s—where did you get—”

“What is this?”

“It’s...” You trembled. “My promotion letter.”

“Are you planning to tell me about it?” He wasn’t shouting, didn’t even raise his voice, but to your ears, his voice was thunderous.  

You fidgeted, fingers fisting the hemline of your shirt, desperate for comfort. “Of course, I—” But there were no words. Your brain was too jumbled to find a proper excuse. So when Donghyuck just lowered his gaze, eyes growing colder, and left the room, you could only call out his name.

He only stopped in his tracks when you grasped his wrist. “Did you say yes to this?” His voice was quiet, eerily so, that it sent shivers down your spine.

You nibbled at your bottom lip. “I was—”

“Yes or no?”

He only allowed you to choose, not explain. With a deep breath, you mumbled out, “Yes.”

There was a moment of silence where you could only hear your stuttered breathing but none of his. “Three months,” he murmured, voice deep and hoarse that you barely recognized it. “The letter is three months old. You had all this time to tell me.”

Panic was bubbling up your chest. “I was going to tell you but—”

The rest of your words died instantly the second Donghyuck slammed the letter on the dining table. Without another word, he stomped off to the front door, grabbing his coat.

“Wait!” You chased after his trails, knees wobbling. “Where are you—”

The door was shut close with a bang.

No matter how many times you tried to call him, he never answered. The only thing you could do was stay in his apartment and waited until he came back to his senses. Now that you were alone in the living room, you began to notice just how much of your belongings were positioned in every corner of his apartment. Your toothbrush was next to his, your clothes were hanging inside his wardrobe, your favorite books were on his shelf, and the walls were painted with more photographs of you than his own. In every picture, you could see yourself smiling in his arms, laughing at something he did or said because that was it, wasn’t it? Donghyuck was the only one who could make you smile so freely, without a care in the world.

So why are we in this position?

It was your first big fight and you had no one to blame but yourself. Hours had passed by and tears began to well from how frustrated you were with yourself, but the front door flung open before they could outline your cheeks.

“Hyuck,” you called out, heart breaking at the sound of his name. Donghyuck’s hair was ruffled by the wind, his nose and cheeks reddening from the cold night air. His hands were in his coat’s pockets, his eyes hiding behind his bangs as he kicked his shoes away. He walked past you as if you weren’t there, heading straight to the bedroom.

Judging from the scent and his droopy eyes, you knew he had been drinking. “Are you okay?”

No answer. He took his coat off, throwing it to the bed, along with his phone—which was clearly functional as always. You had expected him to dismiss your calls, but it still hurt being ignored.

Eyebrows knitting in concern, you went to the kitchen to make him a cup of coffee, hoping that a little caffeine would ease the tension as it was something you were both fond of. You stopped to catch your breath, noticing that it was one in the morning.

What should I do?

“Hyuck…” You carefully said, voice quieter than usual as you walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind you. “I’ve made you some coffee. It’ll help warm you up.”

Donghyuck was sitting at the edge of the bed, his phone in his hands, blatantly ignoring you.

“Can we…” You hesitated, fingers curling into tiny balls of fists. “Can we talk..?”

But the silence was deafening.

“Hyuck—”

“What?!” He suddenly roared, making you take a step back, flinching. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I…” You swallowed your breath. “I know you’re upset about me leaving and I’m sorry—”

“Oh, so now you want to talk about this? After I found out about your letter?” Donghyuck didn’t wait for your response. “I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this a secret from me! What else are you not telling me?”

Heart dropping to the stomach, you weakly replied, “Nothing, just... I was going to tell you—”

“Yeah? When, exactly?” Donghyuck stood up, throwing his phone to the bed. “When you’re about to go? When you’re about to disappear from my life just like her?”

Being put in the same position as the person who tore his heart to pieces was both sickening and infuriating. “Of course not, I won’t do that to you! I won’t leave you—”

“But that’s all that everybody fucking said!” He threw his hands in the air. “That’s what she said when—”

“Well, I’m not her!” The booming sound of your voice startled you both, but it grew weak in comparison when the eerie silence followed. “Hyuck, you can’t blame me for what she did. I’m not her. I’m not her replacement. Don’t compare me with her.”

For a moment, Donghyuck’s lips were pressed tightly until they grew white. “I never compared you with her,” he said through gritted teeth. “Not until now when you’re doing the same thing, saying the exact same thing to me.”

You cowered slightly under his gaze. The sound of the ticking clock had never felt so loud when you fought for words to say. “It’s my dream job, Hyuck. I’ve been waiting all my life to get this position.”

“Congratulations.” He scoffed, clenching his jaw. “I’m so glad you get what you wanted.”

“You don’t have to force yourself to say words you don’t mean.”

He clicked his tongue in vexation. “Yeah, well, I would’ve meant them, if you had told me about this sooner.”

“I wasn’t able to tell you because I thought you’d be upset about it—”

“Well, I suppose, postponing it until we’re counting days till your leave is going to make me feel fucking elated, isn’t that right, Sweetheart?” There had never been a day where you thought his adorable, warm laughter could turn into something so spiteful. “Let me guess. You’re leaving in like, what, a month?”

You rubbed your tears away before they fell. “Six weeks.”

“Oh, that makes everything so much better! Six weeks!” He cynically laughed, throwing his head back. “You know what? You’re right. I’m so happy. Never been this fucking happy in my whole goddamn life—”

“What do you want me to do?!” The frustration that welled inside your chest finally broke through your lips. “You want me to turn back time so I could tell you right after I heard the news three months ago?”

Donghyuck averted his gaze, his hand going to his head, pulling at his hair roots. “I just don’t understand why if this is so important to you—and if I’m so important to you—why don’t you talk this out with me? Don’t you care about what I think? About how I’d feel?”

Tears were running faster than you could wipe them off your cheeks. “I couldn’t find the right time to tell you.” You choked out. “ And you were busy working on your final thesis too, I didn’t want to bother you—”

“That’s your excuse?!” he gasped in disbelief. “I don’t fucking care about my thesis. I care about you! And you knew how I felt about this—about being in a long-distance relationship—"

“That was the reason why I was waiting for the right time until—“

“Until you can tell me that you’re leaving.” He sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose. “Look, I’m tired and we’re going in circles. Why are we even discussing this when you’ve made the decision all by yourself.”

Embittered, you asked, “Do you want me to choose between you and my career?”

“No. I don’t.” He finally peered into your eyes, and you could see how there was not as much anger as sadness that emerged in his eyes. “But I’m making my own decision.” When you frowned in confusion, Donghyuck looked away, staring at the wall that was filled with memories as he spoke. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

“What?” It felt like the world was swallowing you whole. “What did you say?”

Exchanging stares with you, Donghyuck appeared more weary than furious. “I just don’t see how this is going to work.”

“You’re drunk.” You reasoned out, both in efforts to calm him down and to wash the fear away from your chest. “You won’t be saying any of this if you were sober.”

Donghyuck’s eyes grew colder. “If that’s what makes you sleep at night, sure. Go ahead and think that way.”

Dread was coursing through your veins, making you feel terrified of what was coming. “Wait,” you almost pleaded, “We need to talk about this.”

“I think we’ve talked enough.”

“Can’t we at least try—”

“I can’t.” The confession escaped his lips, his eyes were heartbroken, as if it was you who was breaking up with him and not the other way around. “You know I can’t do this. I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes. I don’t want to be that guy who constantly gets suspicious or overly protective of you because of my past. It won’t be fair to you.”

“I don’t care if you’re being unfair,” you replied shakily, “I just don’t want us to end what we have now.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice grew softer. “If we continue this, I know I’ll end up saying things I never mean to say. With three thousand miles between us, how often do you think we can see each other? With you being so busy with your new job, how often can we speak?” But the bitterness in his voice came alive when he added, “We could barely do that when we were in the same room before.”

“It’s about that..?” Realization washed over you like a wave. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“Same reason as you,” he replied, “To protect our relationship. That’s what we always do, isn’t it? Pretending everything is fine when it’s not?”

“Hyuck, I’ve tried my best to spend time with you... I thought you’d understand that I have a job—”

“You’re right, but unlike you, I don’t.” Donghyuck weakly smiled. “I don’t have anything going on with my life except you. I don’t even know if I can graduate in time. But you’ve achieved so much. You’re only a few years older than me and yet you’ve already had everything figured out, and I admire you for that.” His words sounded sincere but it only tore your heart open even more. Donghyuck walked closer, his fingers pushing the bangs out of your eyes like the way he used to do but it didn’t feel the same. “You’re already perfect the way you are now. You don’t need me in your life.”

“No.” The desperation was so thick in your voice, that it made you wince but not regret. “You’re wrong, you—There’s not a day where I don’t need you, Hyuck. I want you to stay with me. Come with me. We still have time.”

You don’t mean that. Donghyuck brought his head down, unable to meet your eyes. If you did, you would’ve told me about this sooner. “And then what?” he sighed, sounding so tired. “What am I going to do if I come with you? I haven’t even finished my study, let alone having a job.”

“You can find one in—”

“In a country where I can’t even speak the language?” He bitterly smiled. “I doubt it. I’m not gonna let you pay for my needs—”

“Then, I’ll make some time for you, I promise. Better this time.” Your fingernails were sinking into your palms from how tightly you curled them. “No matter how far we are from each other, I’ll call you every day.”

“I don’t want that.” His words were laced with frustration. “I don’t want you to force yourself to do something for me. And I don’t want to spend my nights imagining whether you’re spending yours with someone else.”

“You...” You were so quiet, you wondered if he could hear you properly. “You don’t trust me?”

But Donghyuck shook his head, gaze softening. “I do. I just don’t trust myself.”

Your mind turned into a blank slate, unable to form a word. Donghyuck’s breathing tattered a little when he exhaled, walking to his wardrobe to pick out some clothes. “I’m gonna go stay at Mark’s for the weekend. Feel free to take out your stuff. Just drop the keys at the lobby when you’re finished.”

You stood still, frozen. It almost felt like a heart attack from the way your heart was hammering against your ribcages. “I don’t want to lose you, Hyuck,” you quietly professed, “I thought we could work this out...”

Donghyuck’s movements were put to a halt, just for a couple of seconds, before he continued shoving his clothes down his bag.

You stood on the side as he walked past you, his natural sandalwood scent had disappeared, buried under the amount of alcohol he’d consumed. “So, this is it…?” You fretted. “For us..?”

Donghyuck stopped walking, glancing at you from over his shoulder. “It’s better for both of us, don’t you think?”

But he didn’t wait to hear your answer.

When you dared to appear at his front door six weeks later, it was the night before your departure. He hadn’t called, hadn’t sent you a single text, as if he was a ghost, only living in your imagination. But knowing it was your last chance to see him, you decided to take the first step.

Donghyuck was wearing the same navy blue knitted sweater that he wore the first time you told him you loved him. You remembered how startled he was back then, unsure of what to say as he was afraid to love someone else after knowing how it felt to have his heart shattered to pieces. That time, he only responded with a hug and a small “Thank you.” As you laid in his arms later that night, you spent every second with your eyes closed but your thoughts awake, trying to figure out why won’t he say it back? 

But when you left for work early on the next morning, one arm holding an umbrella over your head to protect you from the morning showers, Donghyuck was chasing after you in the same knitted sweater, his hair messy from sleep but soon be drenched by the rain.

“I love you too!” he shouted, breathlessly, both from running and the rush of adrenaline that pumped through his veins.

You turned around, eyes wide in astonishment, though you didn’t catch his words. “What—” You were about to run so you could shelter him from the rain, but Donghyuck reached your spot faster than you could reach his. “What are you doing? Why didn’t you take an umbrella with you?” You dropped your handbag to the ground, not caring if it got wet from the rain as you focused more on the man who was shivering in front of you. You rubbed his arm up and down before cupping his face. “You’re shivering.”

“I’m fine. I just have something to say before you go.” He broke into a tender smile, pressing his palm against the back of your hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it back last night. I was afraid. Being in love with someone means you’re giving your heart for them to hold or to crush and I didn’t want to go through that pain again but—” He stepped closer, his temple nearly touching yours as he brought his head down. “I love you. I want you to know that I love you too. I don’t want to lie to myself anymore and I don’t care what’s gonna happen in the future. I just love you, so much, that both my heart and my head feel like they’re going to burst.”

And you could only stare, dumbstruck and in awe.

“Say something, please?” He begged, cold fingers caressing your cheek. “Otherwise, I might have to crawl into a hole and die from shame.”

You chuckled lightly, overwhelmed by the sheer happiness that washed over you. “I love you too.”

He seemed so relieved, almost as much as you were, and he twisted his fingers around your strands, chasing after your lips. The kiss was sweeter than honey but knowing him, even the sweetest kiss emitted so much passion, it left you breathless.

“I’m sorry, I know you gotta go to work,” he said, slightly pushing you away before his emotions defeated him once more and he slanted his lips against yours in a more frenzied manner. “God, I know you have to go,” he whispered between needy kisses. “But just—one more—”

When he finally had the strength to break apart from you, his eyes were conflicted, his thumb caressing your cheek, and Donghyuck wetted his already glistened lip as he stared at yours. “Must you go? I want to be with you today.”

It didn’t matter that the two of you just spent the entire weekend together. No amount of time would be enough to satisfy your needs for each other’s touch. So you answered him with your lips meeting his in a frantic kiss, casting your umbrella aside and it didn’t matter that it was cold, with big droplets of rain easily drenching you from head to toe, because Donghyuck was always ready to warm you up. 

“Then take me home, Lee Donghyuck.”

But you realized as he tugged you back into his arms, soft lips pressing against your temple, you were already home.

Now… That memory felt like a fantasy, one that you could only dream of having.

“I…” You couldn’t meet his eyes. “I just wanted to get the books I left on your shelf.”

He didn’t say a word, only stepping to the side to give you some space to enter. A month had passed by since he broke up with you, and his apartment still smelled delightfully like him, but instead of making you feel joy, it broke your heart even harder.  

“It’s in my room,” he said, all stern with no warmth like he used to have. You nodded, making your way to his bedroom. When you closed the bedroom door behind you, hot tears were about to spill and you tried your best not to be suffocated with the memories of the nights where you used to share your feelings with him, bodies tangled underneath the sheets, lips carving marks on each other’s skins.

You couldn’t breathe.

By the time you managed to collect yourself, you came out of his room with two of your books in your hands while you left ten more on his shelf. You didn’t need any of them. It was only a poor excuse for you to see his eyes once more before you bid your final farewell.

“I made you some coffee,” he said, leaning against the coffee table. “It’s cold outside so…”

You weakly smiled. “Thank you.”

You used to spend hours chattering behind a few cups of coffee, talking about the things that mattered and things that didn’t because everything felt special when you shared them with someone you loved.

But today, every sip of your coffee sounded louder than your voice as no words were shared.

You said you care

And you missed me too

And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you

“How are you?”

“I’m doing great,” he answered formally. It’s funny how he didn’t need spiteful words to hurt you. The absence of his affection in his sentences was more than enough to strangle you.

“Are you… still writing lyrics for Mark’s songs these days?”

“No. I’m busy these days.”

“Oh… With your thesis?”

“Sure.”

Donghyuck didn’t tell you the truth. Didn’t tell you how many papers had been written, scratched, discarded just so he could deal with the thoughts of you. Didn’t tell you the words he wrote about your pretty eyes, your pretty smiles, your kindness, your passion, your everything.

The reason why he let you go was because he knew, you would probably stay with him if he’d asked the question. He didn’t want you to have any regrets. Didn’t want you to choose him because you felt like you had no other way.

It felt like you betrayed him when you kept it a secret for months.

What else will you keep from me, if you can’t even tell me you’re leaving? Will you keep it a secret when you no longer love me the way you used to? Will you keep it a secret when you find someone new, someone better, someone who can stay to wipe your tears and hold you in their arms while I’m three thousand miles away from you? Will you pretend like everything is fine, when we’re straying further away from each other every day?

In Donghyuck’s mind, he thought you’d be better on your own. At such a young age, you managed to chase after your dreams while he was still unsure of what he wanted to have in the future. To him, you were always a step ahead. And tomorrow, you’d be taking your first step to another place where he wouldn’t have the strength to follow. 

His thoughts about you were never-ending. And he wrote so much, poured every feeling down to papers, that now as you stood before him in person, there were no more words left to be said and he could only reply your sentences with silence.

And the coffee's out

At the Beachwood Cafe

And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say

“I’ll be leaving tomorrow,” you eventually said and Donghyuck glanced at you from behind his bangs, but never stayed for a second longer.

He knew. Of course, he did. He had been counting the days, dreading every second of it. “Take care of yourself,” he responded in a way a stranger would say to another stranger at the end of their brief meeting. “Good luck with your job. I’m sure you’ll be fine, Noona.”

Noona... He didn’t even want to call you by your name or the sweet terms he’d once associated with you. You were truly strangers now.

“Thanks.” You forced yourself to smile, nails sinking into your thighs as you brought your hands to your lap. “You too. Don’t forget to take your breakfast every day. You always skip it.”

It was your job to remind him, who used to serve fried eggs and toasts on his plate and maybe Donghyuck remembered that too because he brought his head down, and simply replied with a hum.

When you took your leave, you handed him a note to your new address. “Just… Come visit whenever you’re in the country. I’d love to show you around.” It sickened you how formal you sounded, but you couldn’t say it any other way.

When Donghyuck took the note, your fingers brushed against his, it almost seemed like the time stopped, just for a little, and he wanted to pull you into his embrace, to tell you how much he’d been missing you the same way you’d been missing him. To tell you how much he wanted to be selfish, to have you choose him over everything in your life because that was how you meant to him. You were everything to him.

Just like how you are to me.

So when he dropped his hand, tucking it inside his pocket, you knew it was really over. Finally, the word goodbye took its true form.

And I get the feeling that you’ll never need me again.

[yoonpobs]

hello 😊

may I request a drabble with jungkook and seokjin and reader with some angst and a bit of smut.. seokjin is her boyfriend and jungkook is jin's best friend and also a close friend of hers his also in love with her and he doesn't hid the fact that he has feelings for her so when y/n and seokjin get into a fight he seeing it as an opportunity to finally see if she wants to be with him

I hope that makes sense

thank you ❤️

pairing: fwb!seokjin x oc, roommate!jungkook x oc

genre: smut, angst

warnings: toxic/unhealthy fwb relationships, jin is a douche, jk is mean, oc needs a break

words: 2, 775

note: WHY DO I ALWAYS GIVE MY OCS A HARD TIME IM SORRY & i took a bit of a turn w this request so i apologise for any inaccuracies 😢

There is a way that Seokjin treats you in bed that makes you feel whole yet like you’re losing bits and pieces of yourself to him every time. He’s never selfish—God no. He was generous to you, much more generous than real lovers you had in the past that you shared kisses that were full of passion between the sheets. The passion you felt with Seokjin was undeniable and almost painful. You hated the word almost, it was like wasted potential on a possibility that could’ve come true but fell too short to be real. And every time you thought of that word you thought of Seokjin.

He was there. He always was. That was the conflicting part. Between always and almost, he was always with you but never almost in love with you the way you were with him. It was pathetic, really. How a woman held such high regard for turned into someone unrecognisable between the sheets and a few kisses from a man who didn’t even love her back. You swore to yourself you’d never let this happen. But here it was—happening.

He fucks into you at a brutal pace that could almost cloud your stressful thoughts. He never misses, his hips angled upwards to hit you in places that only lovers should feel. You moan, scream and cry—for reasons more than how good he makes you feel.

“Ffffffuck, J-Jin!” Your head is pressed against the mattress but you can still see your delirious expression through the mirror in front of your bed. He looks angelic with the way his forehead scrunches in utmost concentration in making you feel good, but the way he snaps his hips harder into your own was demonic. He usually left bruises and it felt nice to have the remainder of what he did to you—but stung at the same time with the way that he marked you as if you were his.

You weren’t.

“Like that, angel?” He leans down to whisper against your cheek and all you can muster is the blubber of a response.

The grip on your hips is rough, but you like it that way. He slips a hand in between your spread legs and rubs your clit in figure-eights that has you whining at a decibel louder than the ones before. Jin notices this and starts fucking into you faster if that was even humanely possible.

“Look at you—so fucked out. You’re mine to ruin, right?”  He taunts you, dragging a hand up your body with the wetness as the answer to his question. He tugs on your chin to direct your face to look at your reflection clearly, and you see your lips swollen, eyes blown out and hair tousled.

“Y-Yes—fuck—yours, J-Jin!” You’re panting, and you feel your coil unravel at a rapid pace, and Jin groans from behind you when he feels your cunt spasm around his cock ferociously.

“If you’re mine then don’t cum just yet,” He sounds too collected for a man who’s been fucking his cock deep into you for the past hour, but you could never read Seokjin. Even when you had his dick all the way down your throat, the most you’d get is a groan—and that was more than you could ever muster up from him.

“Jin—Jin—p-ple-please! I need to—ah—cum—!” Your words were cut short when he reached his hand around your throat to squeeze it softly. But you moan louder, and your pussy responds by getting tighter around his cock.

He chuckles in a low timbre from behind you, hips slightly stuttering—and you know this is a sign of his release coming soon—and you push your hips back to meet his pace, causing him to hiss at the sudden action.

Jin stares at you from the mirror for the night, and you release he always has a similar expression when he’s approaching his high. Something cold, detached yet melancholic. You could never read him enough, because by the time you think you’ve got an answer—he demands.

“Cum.”

And you do. Hard. Spots of white taint your vision like an angel trying to cleanse you from your sins. But the way you blackout for a second shows you no mercy and reminds you that Jin was the devil and you were his plaything.

“Ffffffff—” You can barely breathe. But it’s a pleasurable feeling—the only thing suffocating is the aftermath. When he leaves, barely sparing you another glance.

And you feel him cum with you, deep spurts of white painting your pussy as you feel full of him. Like he’s here to stay. He pushes you back onto him and revels in your limp body. You allow him.

When he pulls out, you’re exhausted. And you can tell he is, too. He’s heaving, and he helps you onto your back by placing a pillow under your back and head. He’s caring, but only out of decency, not commitment. You’re tired too, but it’s the type of tired that settles into your bones. The tired you only feel after sex with Seokjin because you know you’re sleeping alone.

He’s meticulous and quick, just like he always is. It’s the same routine that you’re unfortunately intimate with. He searches for his pants, slips on his shirt and grabs his keys and wallet. They’re always on your desk; never anywhere else because that implies that the routine was breaking. Jin would never break that—not with you, at least.

“Won’t you stay?”

Your voice is soft as it breaks through the atmosphere. You seem to catch him off guard for a moment but he’s tedious at not showing anything more than he needs to. He casts you a glance over his shoulders and you feel oddly vulnerable with your naked body, a blanket draped over your curves in a way that should be enticing. But you knew it wasn’t—because he only wanted you in the heat of the moment and every second after that is a reminder of who you were.

“Since when did we do that?” He snorts, quickly carding a hand through his hair while he checks his appearance.

And as always, he looks kept together while you were left ruined at the expense of his hands.

“We don’t,” you say softly, “I just thought …” your voice wavers when he raises a brow at you, causing you to hesitate in your words but you’re oddly determined today. Maybe you’re tired of the heartache, “It’s late.”

He looks at you for a long second before rolling his eyes and stalking you. Your heart clenches in expectation, but all Jin does is reach a hand around your chin when he leans down to bring your face inches away from his. Your eyes are hopeful when you look into his. The gentle orbs that peer back could fool anyone into thinking that he was tender and loving—but you’ve never seen that side of him. You only saw him when he was overtaken by desire, hard and tall when he fucks into you like a rag doll while he smirks at your slacked body.

“That’s cute,” he grins widely as your breath hitches, “But that’s not what we do, sweetheart.”

The term of endearment is anything but endearing. It’s mocking and it hurts.

“I …” You croak.

Then he releases you, finger lightly pushing your chin so that you’d fall back onto your palms. He checks his phone with a casual grin, likely being called over to another party—or anywhere else that wasn’t your home. Your heart shatters all over again, but you’re used to it. The glass that scrapes your skin is stained with blood but you’re a sucker for the pain.

“I’ll call you,” is all that he leaves you with before he’s helping himself out of your room, leaving the door open in his way. He doesn’t care for formalities, not even when you see him bump into your roommate on the way out. He gives a wave of acknowledgement, but nothing else—because who would introduce their fuck-buddy to their roommate?

But Jungkook knew. Of course, he did. You weren’t subtly because you hoped if someone knew then it’d be a little more real for you to hold onto. That ugly seedling of hope that blooms in your chest every time Jungkook would catch a glimpse of Jin leaving your room makes you wonder what it’d feel like if you could have him over for dinners, for movie nights—for it all.

But you can only do that; wonder.

The door creaks ever so slightly and only do you realise that the tears return. You automatically know who it is, because it’s the same routine. It’s the same song that you hear each time he comes over and it’s on an unhealthy loop of replays when you feel your bed dip.

“Why do you do this to yourself?” Jungkook whispers.

You don’t care that you’re bare. Jungkook’s seen you in worse states. Drunk off your mind, on the verge of collapse when you’d hope the alcohol would take the pain away. He’s a good roommate—but he really needs to mind his own business.

“Stop.”

“He’s a fucking asshole,” he sneers, grabbing your arm so that you’d look at him.

He hates that your eyes are red, and he hates that the bruises on your neck and chest match. The room smells heady of sex, and Jungkook has to endure the same pain you feel but tenfold when he watches your lips wobble the longer he stares.

“I love him, Jungkook.” You sob, leaning into his chest when he sighs for the umpteenth time, hearing the same thing leave your lips. It never got easier.

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Jungkook spits, the thought of Jin returning only making his fists ball tighter when they rest around your bare shoulders, “Stop this. Stop going back to him.”

“Why doesn’t he want me?” You cry, hot tears wetting the fabric of Jungkook’s shirt.

“Why do you want him?” Jungkook returns, voice raising when he pulls back.

His eyes are blazing, the anger in his chest is only exponentially increasing the more he sees you heave. The tears that leave your eyes makes his heart clench and makes him want to chase that son of a bitch down and make sure he’d never see you again. But Jungkook finds himself staying still because you were here. In his arms—even if it you weren’t his.

But he’s still angry, and his mouth runs hotter than ever.

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself, huh?” Jungkook grabs your shoulders, forcing you to stare at him with swollen eyes, “You know he’s just using you! All he does is fuck you and leave. He doesn’t love you—and he will never love you so stop doing this to yourself and leave him before you continue hurting yourself like this!”

“Fuck you,” you spit through the tears.

“Because I’m telling you the truth?” He sneers, “Because I’m telling you things that you already know but are too damn scared to do?”

“Shut the fuck up, Jungkook!” You scream, pushing at his chest. But he grabs your wrist and levels you with a menacing stare while his own chest rises and falls with every breath of air he takes.

Your anger is muffled by your tears, and it’s a mixture of pain and rage when you peer at him. Jungkook’s so tired. He’s tired of feeling this way—of seeing you destroy yourself when you deserved more than anything anyone could ever offer.

“No,” Jungkook deadpans, “You’re going to listen to me and you’re doing this now.”

“I’m not doing anything! So let—me—go—!” You thrash in his hold, but Jungkook only tightens his grip around your wrists in a warning.

“Delete his number.”

“I can’t do that,” you say weakly.

“You can and you fucking will,” Jungkook says vehemently.

And as a point, he reaches for your phone that rests on your nightstand; and before you can process what he’s doing—he’s thumbing through your contacts and hovering over the one person you always seem to go back to.

“Jungkook, no—!”

But the damage is done, and Jungkook presses delete. For some reason, you feel absolutely nothing. But you’re angry, you’re angry because Jungkook’s always the person you see when it hurts the most and even through his words—all you want to do is scream.

“I hate you so much!” You scream.

Jungkook chuckles, dark and humourless as he runs his fingers through his hair. He stares to the side, jaw clenching in annoyance when you continue to cry and sob. He wanted to tell you to shut up—to stop crying over someone who’s probably already fucking the next breathing thing in his direction. But he doesn’t, because Jungkook’s impulsive. More so than he’d like.

“Yeah?” Jungkook scoffs, “You hate me? The person who’s trying his best to protect you?”

“You’re not protecting me!” You snap.

He ignores your indignant tone before levelling you with a blank stare that intimidates you more than you’ve ever been of Jungkook. He’s fuming, but it’s a calm before the storm that rattles your heartbeat against your chest. He looks livid.

“You hate me and love that fucking idiot?” He snarls, inching closer as you back away.

The growl in Jungkook’s chest is unheard of because more often than not he was level-headed. An annoying prick but calm and collected at most. This is the first time you’ve seen Jungkook look anything less than composed—and it was because of you.

“I can’t—I can’t control my feelings,” you say sourly.

He snorts, fully sarcastic and intentionally mocking when he looks at you with a hooded gaze.

“Isn’t that the fucking truth.”

“What the hell are you saying,” you narrow your eyes at him.

Oddly, you’re having this conversation when your tits are out—and only then do you consciously wrap your arms around your chest. His eyes immediately dart down to your subtle action and he rolls his eyes. You want to cuss him out, but Jungkook laughs. He laughs as if there was something funny—and you’re left even more confused.

“I’m saying that I fucking hate you,” he spits, face inching immensely closer as your eyes widen at his venomous tone.

“What—?”

“I hate you so much because you’re acting like an idiot chasing after someone who doesn’t give two shits about you.”

Your eyes well up with more tears as his words of bullets ricochet off your ears and settling deep in your heart. The harsh reminder makes your lips wobble and shoulders shake, but Jungkook doesn’t care.

“I hate you because you do this to yourself when you deserve so much more than what that prick can offer,” Jungkook says vehemently, hand wrapping around your chin to force your face to look at him.

Even now, when your eyes are puffy and red-rimmed, you look devastatingly beautiful.

“I hate you because I’ve been here this entire time and all you do is look for him,” Jungkook says softly, but his tone is still harsh, a sharp breath that erupts in his chest as well as yours as your eyes widen.

“Jungkook—”

“I’ve been here,” he croaks, and when you look into his eyes only do you see the pain, “I hate you so much because all I can do is love you.”

Your eyes widen as you gape at him, and you’re taking seconds too long to respond but your brain is processing the turn in events. But when you realise what he says, Jungkook’s pulling away. His hands retract themselves as if he’s been burnt and you were the flame responsible for it.

“Jungkook, wait—” you reach out. You were so confused, but you didn’t like the fact that he was leaving too.

“Don’t,” his eyes flutter shut in defeat, lips pursed, “Don’t touch me right now.”

Your face crumbles as you tug the blanket around your body until you’re resting on your knees and searching for his face.

“Can we talk—?”

“No,” he glares at you, and somehow—the look he gives you is far more painful than every moment Jin has ever walked out on you. Jungkook delivers the final blow when he snatches his hand away from yours completely.

“Figure your shit out because I’m done.”

And like always, you were left alone in your room—with more to think about than ever.

[theskywaslookingback]

I prithee do tell us of your Tim gets kidnapped as well AU

*kisses you gently on the forehead* ive been in a jonmartim mood lately so pardon that but—

‘Just talk to him,’ Martin had said imploringly, his hand outstretched in supplication, his eyes wide and sad and practically begging.

Tim has never had an easy time saying no to Martin, least of all when he’s being looked at like that.

So Tim had agreed, under the condition that Martin come to play mediator and that Tim could walk away the second Jon tried to turn on a bloody tape recorder.

He should have said no. He should have told Martin to drop it, to leave it alone. He should have stayed home, texted Martin that he wouldn’t be able to make it.

Instead, Tim finds himself sipping coffee outside a cafe with Martin beside him picking at a blueberry muffin and waiting for the one person in the world he wants to see the least.

Martin glances at his phone again, foot bouncing restlessly against the pavement, fingers tapping on the small metal table they’ve managed to snag. Tim drops his hand on top of Martin’s, if only to still his fidgeting for a moment.

“He’s late.” Martin says.

Tim hums in acknowledgment, though truthfully he doesn’t know exactly what time Jon had said he’d meet with them in the first place.

“What if something’s wrong?”

“Like what?” Tim asks flatly.

“I don’t know. What if— what if he’s hurt or something? You saw what he looked like when he came back to the Institute. His hand—“ Martin’s foot thumps frantically against the ground, “I don’t like it.” He says more insistently.

“He’s fine. He probably just got caught up on the tube or something.”

Martin makes a sound of derision and checks his phone again.

“What? You think he’s going to text you if he’s in trouble? ‘Oh Martin please help I’m being kidnapped.’”

“I wish he would,” Martin says sharply, pulling his hand out from under Tim’s, “I would probably worry less.”

“You wouldn’t.” Tim leans back in his chair, swiveling his head to the side so he doesn’t have to look at the pointed glare Martin sends him. After a moment he sees a figure a short ways down the street. A bedraggled fence post of a man wearing a shirt a size too big for him and a jacket that swamps even that. Tim nudges Martin with his foot and jerks his head to the side, “See, I told you-“

Martin looks up from his phone and then his eyes widen and he stands so quickly that it knocks his chair out from under him.

“Martin, what-“

Tim forgets that for as big as Martin is, as gentle and prone to taking his time as he was, that he can move very quickly when he needs to. Martin sprints from the table with a startled cry and Tim whips back around.

Tim can’t see Jon anymore, but he can see the van pulled up in the spot he’d just been standing. Tim barely registers the first word ‘Breekon’ before he’s out of his seat and running after Martin.

There’s a moment where Tim sees Jon struggling between two very large men, a rough looking bag being forced over his head, and then Martin barrels into them.

He hears Martin shout “Jon!” before one of the men recovers and takes a swing at Martin.

He hits him squarely in the stomach, and Tim sees Martin slump, before Tim is there at his side and he takes a swing of his own.

When Tim had been 14 he’d punched a hole in the drywall of his bedroom. He remembers the way the plaster had cracked and yielded under his fist, the solid crack of it under his knuckles. This feels nothing like that, except in the way that it had felt so solid and Tim’s fist had swollen almost immediately, blood vessels in his hand bursting at the impact.

Tim swears and draws his hand back.

He feels something hard and sharp hit the back of his head, and then Tim feels nothing at all.

When Tim wakes again he has no idea where he is. His wrists are tied together so tightly that he can’t feel his fingers and his shoulders scream in pain at the angle he’s been slumped in. He can hear voices, sharp and feminine and grating then low and gruff. Something muffled and angry.

It takes time before Tim’s mind stops spinning enough to make sense of any of it.

There is...something...dressed as a ring mistress. It’s tall, at least seven or eight feet, with long, solid white arms and garish red clothing. It speaks into a whirling tape recorder with no mouth at all, and it laughs a dizzying laugh.

Next to it is Jon, feet bound to the legs of a wooden chair, arms bound behind his back, and a thick gag tied around his mouth. He looks furious and terrified, spitting objections and expletives as this thing drones one about skin and lotion and peeling.

‘No’ Tim thinks sharply, the image of his brother inserting itself into the forefront of his mind. That awful clown, dragging itself along the floor and reaching out so playfully to pull of his brother’s skin.

The thing turns, and Tim realizes he must have said it aloud.

Beside him Martin inhales a sharp breath and starts to breathe a prayer.

“Ah, both awake then I see.” It trills, dropping down unnaturally to stick its head in between where Tim and Martin have been bound.

Tim recoils and feels his shoulder bump into Martin’s.

“Unexpected, but not necessarily a bad thing.” It says, and then turns to address Jon, “always good to have a back up I think! They’ll make some lovely frocks regardless.”

Jon makes a noise of alarm, looking to Tim and Martin.

Tim makes a noise low in his throat.

It reaches out to tap Jon on the nose before it leaves, humming, pulling a heavy door shut behind it.

Silence hangs in the air like dense fog, heavy and thick. It is broken at once by a soft noise from Martin. It’s almost a sob, but not really. A desperate, hopeless noise that cuts off almost before it can begin. “I’m so sorry Tim, Jon, I—“

Jon makes a startled noise from behind his gag and shakes his head so rapidly it’s a wonder it doesn’t detach from his neck. He tries to say something but the gag is too thick and tied too tightly. He repeats it a few times. It sounds like ‘sorry’ and ‘my fault’.

“Yeah,” Tim says numbly, “it is your fault.”

“Tim!”

“What?” Tim shoots back, “You think we’re here because they planned to take all three of us? And now—“ He cuts himself off, biting his tongue. He can’t look at Martin. He refuses to look at Jon.

Jon just makes those muffled noises into his gag again.

“Just— shut up, Jon. Just stop.”

The silence that descends again is sharp and biting. It eats at Tim, the anger in him boils and boils until it dies all at once under an ocean of shame and stark terror. They are all going to die here and there will be no one to mourn them.

“Don’t.” Martin says very softly after a long time. “Don’t let the last things we say to each other be said out of anger.” He leans into Tim’s side, hesitantly.

Tim goes limp, letting Martin take his weight, his head falling to his chest. “Okay...” he says after a long time, his voice cracking, “...okay...”

Jon makes a soft sound again, almost a whimper, and for the first time in a very long time Tim wishes he could hold him in his arms again.

It would be a very long time before he would be able to do so.

[voiceless-terror]

I mean, I don’t believe in the predictive power of dreams, obviously, but still, it’s a deeply unsettling thing to find. I had Tim look into it, as I don’t entirely trust the others not to have written it as a practical joke and slipped it into the archives. - Episode 11, Dreamer

Jon stares down at the paper in his hands.

He’s had many an unkind thought towards Gertrude, his predecessor, the woman responsible for this mess and the current bane of his existence. She’s been the topic of most of his grumbling as he sorts through piles of nonsense and decaying cardboard boxes. He’s got no love lost for her, but that doesn’t mean he’s happy she’s dead. Or, specifically, to have a statement apparently predicting it through the medium of some prophetic dream. Ridiculous. He wants to feel detached, unaffected, but he can’t help the sickly sense of dread that creeps up his spine and lingers in his throat. 

It was your face and the expression upon it was far more fearful than any I had seen in eight years of wandering this twilight city.

Jon doesn’t know Antonio Blake and has no reason to believe him. But he’s known something’s wrong for a long time now.

He’s never admitted it aloud, never within his assistant’s hearing range, but he can feel it, as foolish as that sounds. This miasma of wrong, of being watched, of becoming...something else, that happens every time he records a statement. Despite the academic detachment he aspires to, he does attempt to empathize with each statement-giver and get into their mindset. But what he’s doing here...it’s different. He can visualize it so perfectly, the terror in their words sticking in his throat and setting his own heart pounding, as if he were the one experiencing it and not just regurgitating it to an ancient recorder. He’s always had an ‘overactive imagination,’ as his grandmother would say, but this is relentless in its manifestation. The fear is real, not imagined. Each statement draws him further and further away from the safety he used to cling to, where the only real cases were few and far between and the most sinister things lurking out there in the world were books and the monsters within them.

And as much as he wants to linger on the false accounts and take comfort in tearing them apart, his hands automatically seek the real ones, the right ones. It’s frightening, the ease with which he finds them nowadays. Perhaps he’s a better archivist than he thinks. 

She died and you’ll be next, something whispers to him. He’s being dramatic, as he’s wont to do, but it feels true. Every statement that doesn’t record correctly, every follow-up he has to qualify with an ‘I would dismiss this, but-’ is starting to add up. His nights have become restless. He often lies awake regretting that he ever took this job, that he left the relative safety of research for a position he’s not sure how to fill, his only reassurance Elias’s occasional emails that he’s ‘moving in the right direction,’ whatever that means.

Jon assumed he’d be more removed from the dangerous aspects of the job that research entailed- following up, going to locations, field work. And it’s true, he has assistants to do that for him now. Dependable, for the most part. And while he should feel safe in his tiny office with nothing but dust and paper and cobwebs (good lord, the cobwebs) he feels more unsettled and exposed than ever. He once joked he’d die of old age before getting the archives in order. But now a stroke sounds much more pleasant than whatever happened to Gertrude. If it’s true.

Perhaps it’s a joke, he thinks. Planted by one of the others, designed specifically to unsettle him. Well, it worked. 

It wouldn’t be surprising. He’s...not had the best start. The promotion was a surprise, but not wholly unexpected; he knew he’d been on Elias’s radar, though he wasn’t expecting it quite so soon. He’s young and unfortunately, it shows. The way he stutters through department meetings, talking about digitization while the others, all of whom have at least a decade on him, shoot pitying looks. He stays later and later, the desire to show some sort of progress even as he discovers more mess by the day. The permanent scowl that now graces his features becomes his armor as he walks the halls and feels himself becoming the uptight, unlikable curmudgeon everyone believes him to be. The one time I measure up to expectations, he can’t help thinking.

A joke. There’s a comfort in that. At least it’s familiar.

But it didn’t record to the laptop, his traitorous mind supplies. It's a bit sad he would prefer it to be a mundane attempt at bullying rather than a real expression of the supernatural, but he supposes it’s par for the course. There were many nights as a child he wished for the same thing, for that boy to go back to taking his lunch money and the occasional beating or two instead of…still, he dismisses it from his mind. You don’t know there’s a correlation. Follow up. Disprove it. 

He’s interrupted from his musings by a knock on the door and the vague outline of Martin through the frosted glass. “Come in,” he calls, attempting to inject some irritation in his voice to cover up the shakiness. “Did you need something?”

“Ah, I finished my write up for the Herbert case, was wondering if you had anything else for me?”

His hand hovers over the statement on his desk. He opens his mouth but then closes it, thinking better.

“Can you send Tim in, actually?”

______

“Sorry boss, I couldn’t find anything on this Antonio Blake fellow- well, at least with the details he provided, which were next to none. Proper spooky, though.”

Of his assistants, he trusts Tim the most with this sort of thing. 

On a surface level, it wouldn’t make sense to some. Tim can be loud and gregarious: the typical, charming extrovert. But he’s not unkind and he’s a hell of a researcher, especially when something grabs his interest. He digs into statements and doesn’t let go- not unlike Sasha, though he’s a bit better at empathizing and handling things...sensitively. Easily attuned to Jon’s moods, Tim’s always been willing to lend an ear whenever he gets too in his head about cases, helping him talk things through or on several memorable occasions, go down the rabbit hole with him. He’d taken the statement from his hands with an easy smile, though his face grew serious with the nervous look Jon shot him.

And if Tim couldn’t find anything, well. Maybe it was a prank after all.

He sort of wanted it to be true, frightening as the implications were. Because then it would mean this terrible, heavy feeling on his shoulders was real, and not just the byproduct of his own mediocrity. He doesn’t want to be scared, he doesn’t want to be in danger, but at least it would provide a real reason for panic, and not just his own inability to measure up.  He doesn’t want to prove them all right, collapsing under the stress of a job poorly done and so easily crumbling at a stupid, made-up statement, targeted as it may be. 

“A joke, then.” Jon says, rubbing a hand at his temples, trying not to let the hurt seep into his voice. Tim makes a commiserating noise.

“You know how people are, the institute isn’t exactly popular. You remember last Halloween, when-”

“Yes, I don’t need a reminder.” Jon sighs. He’d rather not relive that day, stressful as it was. “But that wasn’t quite what I was thinking.”

Tim stares at him for a moment, uncomprehending. Jon continues, attempting to make his hands busy as he pointlessly shuffles papers.

“It’s rather pointed, isn’t it? I doubt someone off the street would create such a detailed account of the death of an...archivist as opposed to the usual ghostly drivel.”

A look of pity flickers in Tim’s eyes and Jon has to turn away. “I don’t really think anyone here would-”

“Really? You don’t?” Jon lets out a mirthless laugh, rubbing a hand across his face as he stares down at his desk. “I’m not blind. Or deaf.” The derisive snorts if he goes off on ‘needless tangents,’ how Rosie pretends to be busy whenever he approaches Elias’s office, the way his name badge still reads ‘researcher’ after months of asking for a new one. He’s basically become a pariah.

“Jon, did someone say something to you?” The words are carefully chosen and he’s leaning forward now, making as if to stand up and god forbid, do something comforting. It’s not that Jon doesn’t want the comfort; he craves it more than anything. But he’s gone without for so long he doesn’t trust himself not to break at the gentlest of touches. Being on the receiving end of Tim’s protective streak is nothing new, but he shouldn’t need his assistant looking out for him like he’s some sort of helpless infant. 

He snorts derisively instead, covering up the insecurity and hurt with a sardonic, self-effacing smile. The kind he knows Tim hates. “They don’t need to. I’ve walked in on conversations, I’ve seen the way people go quiet, the looks they give me-”

“Hey,” Tim’s voice is low, like he’s dealing with a frightened animal. Jon wonders how he looks, if Tim’s going this soft. “Don’t listen to them, alright? You inherited a mess, we all did- but we’re doing our best, yeah? Study and record, like Elias said.” Jon doesn’t dodge the hand that finally lands on shoulder, and he’ll deny to anyone that he leaned into it. 

“Study and record.” He repeats listlessly, slumping back down into his seat. He’s let himself get too worked up, acting like a child instead of a boss. He’s not sure when he started wearing his heart on his sleeve, but Tim’s always been good at reading him. Though he’d rather people think him an arrogant ass than the seething mess of insecurity he truly is. 

“Atta boy.” The pat to his shoulder is purposefully light, devoid of Tim’s usually friendly force that sends him stumbling forward. “Now get out of here at a normal time, alright? We can grab lunch tomorrow. Just the two of us, if you like.”

Jon makes a noncommittal grunt, though the thought is nice.  He entertains the idea for just a moment, remembering their occasional outings back in research. Tomorrow he’ll make his excuses. He hasn’t been much of a friend as of late, and he’s not sure he deserves the kindness of company.

“And if there’s anyone that needs a stern talking to from me, I-” Tim wags a finger and Jon rolls his eyes, ignoring the pang of warmth the words send through his chest.

“Don’t, please. It’s fine.” It isn’t. “But...thank you, Tim.”

“Course.” A wink and a sloppy salute to lighten the mood, and Jon feels the tension in his posture ease minutely as Tim shuts the door behind him. 

He lets out a breath and reaches for the tape recorder. He’s wasted too much time already.  

Be careful. There is something coming for you and I don’t know what it is, but it is so much worse than anything I can imagine. At the very least, you should look into appointing a successor.

Good luck.

He fights a shiver as the man’s voice leaves him and the last vestiges of that twilight world fade back to his dimly-lit office. In his follow up, he tries to play it off as a joke. A bit of hazing for the new boss. And yet the uneasiness still creeps into his voice, and he ends another tape on a stilted, half-believed note.

If this is genuine…

Jon prays that it isn’t. 

And like most of his prayers, it goes unheard and unanswered.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32165071

reblogs > likes

[baronessblixen]

a fictober hurt/comfort prompt for you if you’re interested: Scully accidentally hurts Mulder’s feelings and he tries to hide it.

Thank you so much for this prompt! It's set somewhere around "Per Manum". Tagging @today-in-fic and @xffictober2021

Wc: 1548

Fictober Day 4

All The Possibilities

Scully is the only one who's alone in the waiting room. There's no friend, no partner in the seat next to her holding her hand. She's pretending to read one of the magazines they always put out. None of them speak of complications, of problems and odds - or lack thereof. Every magazine shows healthy babies; big, round cheeks and eyes staring back at her, making her whole body ache with longing.

She gives up on the article in front of her, none of the words making sense anyway. She leaves through the magazine, trying to keep busy and distracted until it's time for her appointment. Time to implant the embryos. No matter what, in five to ten minutes her life will change. She sighs, staring at the picture on the glossy magazine. A toddler with a finger in its mouth, grinning. The shaggy auburn hair reminds her of the other part of the equation. Mulder.

Maybe it’s because he’s on her mind, but the man that’s just entered the clinic looks exactly like her partner and potential father of her hypothetical child. She swallows and squints her eyes. The closer he walks, the more he looks like Mulder. Looks like him, walks like him… smiles like him. When he sees her, his whole face lights up.

“Funny running into you here,” he says, taking her handbag from the seat next to her and sitting down. “I didn’t miss it, did I?”

“Miss what?” She asks. Some of the other couples look over at them and heat creeps into Scully’s cheeks. She’s still trying to catch up and understand how he’s here.

“The appointment. You were gone when I got back from the meeting with Skinner. I thought we were driving together.”

“What?” Her voice is low. She doesn’t understand why he’s here. She left him a note, saying she had to leave earlier because of a doctor’s appointment. No mention of when and where. Her jaw clenches painfully and she only realizes she’s making fists when her nails dig into her skin.

“Today’s the day, right?” He asks, his self-confidence slipping away with every word.

“What are you doing here?” She asks again, whispering.

“I- I thought-“ he runs a hand through his hair as if he could find his answer there. His fingers play with the handle of her handbag and his eyes roam about the room. He, too, must realize that everyone here comes in twos. That Scully is the only one who came here alone. By choice.

“I can do this on my own, Mulder,” she says. “This is why I didn’t tell you. How did you even-,” she shakes her head; it doesn’t matter how he found out. “I don’t need you here. Please just- please leave.” She sees the exact moment his heart breaks. She wants to take her words back, wants to apologize and blame it on the hormones. She does want him here. She doesn’t want to do it alone. But it’s too late. Mulder nods, biting his lip. She thinks she sees it quiver, too. When she reaches out for his hand, she misses it by a millisecond. He gets up and glances at her. She’s never seen him look like this, sadness and disappointment fighting on his face.

“I’m sorry, Mulder. I-“

“No, you’re right. Of course you are. See you at the office.” He walks off, her handbag still in his hand. Just as she’s about to call out for him, they call her name. It’s time. Mulder returns, hands her the bag. Their fingers brush briefly. His are cold. His fingers have never been cold. It’s always her. “Good luck,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. He tries to mask his pain with a smile, but she sees right through him. He doesn’t turn around again, but they need to call Scully’s name a second and third time before she’s able to go into the examination room.

She’s told to get rest, to take it easy. Does she have someone to pick her up? No, she doesn’t. Does she have someone at home to be with her, to take care of her? She’ll be fine, she says, tears stinging in her eyes. There’s a pregnant pause in the room before her doctor nods and gives her a comforting smile, patting her hand.

“It’s good to let people in. To let them help.”

Scully nods and leaves before she can start crying. She sits in her car, no longer able to keep her tears at bay. All the literature said she’d be highly emotional. As a doctor, in theory, she knew. And yet. The emotions running through her system overwhelm her. What if? What if it works? What if it doesn’t? This is why they say to bring someone. Someone you trust. Someone you love. Who loves you. She rummages through her bag, knowing there has to be a pack of tissues. Her hand comes into contact with something she doesn’t immediately recognize. She takes it out and her hand trembles. It’s a tiny plush fox that fits perfectly into the palm of her hand. It holds a small sign in its paws reading ‘Fox believes in you!’ Scully hiccups, laughs and cries. As she gently strokes the soft head, she notices it sits on a chocolate bar.

“Oh Mulder,” she whimpers, knowing what she has to do.

It doesn’t take her long to get to Mulder’s building. As she stands in front of his apartment, she thinks she should have called first. The small fox sits in her coat pocket, and she squeezes it for luck. Mulder opens the door, his eyes growing big.

“Hi,” she says. “I found your gift.” He nods, not looking at her. “Did I- Mulder, I didn’t mean to. I was- I was so surprised to see you.”

“It’s okay. I get it.” He nods again, still looking everywhere but at her. “I shouldn’t have presumed.”

“I didn’t think you’d want to-“ She realizes they never talked about it. Not his involvement, not anything. She asked him for his sperm, all clinical and detached and Mulder, with his nonchalance and wit, agreed. He asked her about the embryo transfer on a case, in between working a case and a delayed flight.

“No, I’m- It’s okay, Scully. You don’t need to baby me. I get it, really.”

“I hurt your feelings.”

“It’s okay,” he says again.

“It’s not.” She takes his hand and squeezes it. “Do you want to- we can talk about it.”

“Talk about it?”

“The possibilities,” she says with a blush. The what if’s that have been following her here to his apartment, sitting silently in the backseat of her car.

“Did it – did the transfer go well?” There’s so much hope and concern at play in both his voice and face that guilt washes over her. How could she ever doubt this? How could she ever doubt him? What cuts the deepest though, is the question how she could ever send him away, hurt him the way she did.

“It did,” she says with a shaky smile.

“You’re crying.”

“It’s normal,” she says. “It’s the hormones.”

“I know. I read the books.”

“Of course you did,” she mumbles, hiccupping a laugh.

“You need to get rest.” She glares at him. “It’s in the literature.”

“I needed to thank you for the gift. The little fox. The chocolate bar.”

“Did you like it?” He asks. The pink glow that settles in his cheeks suits him well.

She nods. “I loved it. My favorite kind of chocolate and I love foxes- plush foxes.” Now they’re wearing matching blushes on their cheeks.

“I have soup. Freshly made from the restaurant around the corner. I have chocolate, too. Ice cream. In case you’re hungry.” He’s planned this. He’s planned all of this. For her.

“Can I come in?”

“I thought I could serve it to you out here,” he says and his lips twitch upwards. “Come on.”

She follows him inside and tugs at his hand before he can disappear into the kitchen. He stops and looks at her.

“I’m sorry, Mulder.” He opens his mouth to protest. “I know I hurt you. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was overwhelmed and I lashed out.”

For a moment he just stares at her. “Thank you,” he says silently, sounding like a small boy. “Now let’s get some food into you. I’m starving. Go sit on the couch.”

She walks into his living room; there are magazines and books on his table, as always. But they’re not his usual reading material. She recognizes the same magazine she read at the clinic and smiles. Her Mulder. She slips out of her heels and gets comfortable on his couch, wrapping herself in his warm blanket. It smells just like him, his scent calming her. She listens to his chatter, answers his questions when he asks them.

How could she have denied herself this? Denied him, too? He returns with two bowls of soup and a huge smile on his face. She thinks of the fox plushie in her pocket. ‘Fox believes in you’. I believe in you, too, she thinks, smiling back at Mulder. She believes in them, in all the possibilities.

[christ0pher-evans]

Bewildered Heart

Part Three of the Shattered Heart Mini-Series

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader Warnings: SMUT 18+ / Angst / Cheating / Arguing / Mentions of Divorce Word Count: 3.4k A/N: omg I finally made it to part three! I know a lot of you have been waiting a while for this so I really really appreciate your patience and support, it means the world to me!! Let me know all your thoughts and feelings! X Please reblog and like🖤

Part One: Shattered Heart Part Two: Troubled Heart 

  ♡

As soon as you put the phone down, you were frustrated that you didn’t tell Chris that you loved him; of course you did. Nothing he could do would make you not love him, you committed your life to him and he was your husband, obviously you’d always love him. And then you realised, there is no shame in that. Even though he cheated on you, even though he broke your heart, there would always be love between you, forever and that was okay. 

The clarity in your rationalised epiphany put your mind at ease. You knew that you were heading into this conversation with Chris with a clear mind, you knew you wanted to try and solve your issues without fighting, without causing a scene. 

Taking a deep breath, you began to brew a pot of coffee as you heard keys unlocking your front door. 

You turned around, and there he was. Standing at the other side of the breakfast bar, looking as handsome as ever, wedding band reflecting the sun coming through the patio doors. You subconsciously play with your own wedding ring, feeling an odd sense of relief knowing neither of you had taken them off. 

“Hi..” you breathe out, surprisingly happy to see him. 

Chris shuffled closer to you, blatantly nervous but wanting to be near you. You were apprehensive but didn’t stop him as he leaned in and kissed your cheek tenderly, hand delicately touching your waist. 

Breath hitching in your throat at the titillating contact, you move away abruptly, unnerved by the arousing thoughts that enthralled your mind. Busying yourself with pouring two mugs of coffee, Chris sits at the breakfast bar waiting for you. 

You sit opposite him, passing him a coffee as he mutters a thanks. His voice is gruff, as if he hasn’t spoken to anyone in two weeks and that’s when you notice he looks a little gaunt. Dark circles under his eyes and slightly scruffy hair adding to the look that insinuates he hasn’t been sleeping well. Your heart falters marginally, just purely because you hate seeing him like this, no matter the situation. That is what you tell yourself anyway, silently commanding yourself to not feel guilty for these circumstances, Chris has bought this all on himself. 

Even as you tell yourself that, you hate how it sounds. That’s not you. You’re sympathetic and caring, and you love Chris, you shouldn’t want to see him punishing himself but that seems to be what he has done to you without even knowing; he has turned you into a nasty character. 

Having an internal fight with yourself, you want to make small talk but you just can’t, you don’t have it in you to be civil and act nonchalant when there is a dark cloud looming over your marriage. Life is too short to dance around a conversation this important. 

“So, um, I’m not going to dance around this because I’ve had two weeks to really digest what’s happened and think about what it means for us, for our marriage..”

Chris takes a sip from his coffee and looks at you, eyes boring into yours like you’re literally holding his heart in your hands, ready to mend it or crush it. 

“I’m angry Chris. I’m really angry because even on my darkest days, when I was feeling like our marriage was falling apart, when I was feeling so alone; I never ever thought about kissing someone else. You have always been my only choice, yet you chose someone else?” It sounds like you’re asking him but in reality, you know he already chose someone else over you. 

Your voice was shaky, tears already threatening to spill down onto your cheeks but you revel in how freeing it feels to tell Chris exactly what you are feeling. Your emotions finally organised enough to speak your truth. 

Chris stays quiet, clearly knowing you well enough to know that you need to carry on telling him how you feel. 

“..And I’m fucking sad Chris! All I keep thinking about is how, for the past year, I’ve been sacrificing my time to follow you around the world, sacrificing my happiness to spend minuscule amounts of time fighting for our marriage and you just came to expect it from me. You kept work as your number one priority and let me fall into second place, even when it jeopardised my happiness.” 

“That was never my intention Y/N! I never wanted or want you to feel like that. Your happiness is so important to me, I promise it will never happen again!” 

“Chris, you threw our marriage away. Like it was disposable and we could just be two friends living together, like we didn’t promise to spend our lives together. You can’t pretend like it’s going to be okay moving forward, because what if I don’t want to move forward?” 

Your breath caught in your throat as your words hovered in the air. You knew that was serious statement to blurt out but you knew that you unintentionally meant it otherwise you wouldn’t have said it. This conversation was going to be full of hard truths and you knew this wasn’t a time to hold back, your marriage was at stake. 

“Baby, you don’t mean that? Of course you want to move on, we both do. Put this behind us!” You could hear the panic in Chris’ voice. 

“How can you say that? How can you say you want to move forward and you want me to move forward when you’re the reason its crumbling in the first place? You put us in this mess! You still have to see this woman every day, how do we move past that?” 

You felt sick to your stomach. Never in a million years did you think you would be having this conversation with Chris, especially not once you said your vows. You had made promises and a bond that could never be broken yet here you were, trying to hold the pieces together. 

“Chris, you told me you’d love and cherish me forever, you told me that on our wedding day. I told you that you were it for me, and you said it back to me, you-“, your voice broke as the tears started to fall, no longer being able to stay strong. 

After your tears had subsided, you sniffed and dried your eyes, determined to raise your points. 

“And you.. you said it back to me Chris. You told me I was your number one always, that I was your endgame, forever, infinitely yours. Yet, here I am, wondering why I’m second best to another woman.”

You exhale with force as you begin to feel slightly lighter after getting that off your chest. It definitely doesn’t feel good to admit that you’re not sure if your marriage has a future but you know you have to be truthful. Having so much more to say, you bite your lip to control your word vomit, knowing this is a conversation and not a speech; Chris needs to be allowed to say his piece too. Awaiting his response, you shudder as he reaches out and takes your hands in his. 

“Y/N, sweetheart, you are my number one. That hasn’t changed, it never will. I love you. I married you because I want you, you have all of me, always.” He squeezes your hand tighter, putting emphasis on his words but also emphasis on his grip, subconsciously telling you not to let go. 

“I know I sound like a broken fucking record sweetheart, but I am so sorry I kissed someone else, it was dumb, so fucking dumb and I can’t explain why I did it. I was just so lonely, so detached from you that I craved comfort.” 

“I was fucking lonely too Chris! How do you think I felt when you were at work all the time surrounded by hundreds of people whilst I was sat at home alone trying to think of ways to save our marriage!” You snapped, yelling loud. 

Chris sighed, releasing your hands and raising his own in defence. 

“Sorry, I.. I didn’t mean it like that. I understand that you were lonely and I was too, we have to respect that we both felt the same but dealt with it very differently. But baby, I could be surrounded by hundreds or thousands of people at work but it would make no difference to me because they weren’t you.”

Knowing Chris was coming from a sweet place, you took a deep breath, needing a minute to collect your emotions before speaking. 

“I’m sorry I snapped but it feels like we are going in circles Chris, it’s de ja vu from last year. When I told you how I was feeling, you just dismissed it to make the problems disappear but that’s not how this works. Solving our problems means we have to talk about them..” You could feel yourself getting emotional, working yourself back up into an exasperated state. “..but when you tell me that you feel really lonely because I’m not with you, why is your first though not to come home to me? Why did you continue to go out and kiss another woman? It clearly wasn’t that fucking lonely for you!” 

You rolled your eyes dramatically. Feeling this overwhelming satisfaction with your vicious snipes, you knew this would quickly become a fight. The communication barrier was shattered and you had become spiteful, and it was only a matter of time before Chris followed suit.

Chris stood up, cursing angrily as the legs from the stool scraped against the wood flooring. Throwing his hands up in disgust, he scoffed. 

“Argh seriously Y/N? What did you just say about not dismissing one another’s feeling?! And here you are, telling me I can’t be lonely because I kissed someone else! Me feeling lonely is the exact fucking reason I did it in the first place!!”

Chris was shouting now, his voice bellowing throughout your marital home. You stayed sitting as the anger poured from his body, feeling equally as bitter. 

“So am I meant to assume that every time you feel lonely now, that you’re going to go and kiss another woman? Soon, when you’re feeling really lonely you’ll be fucking someone else! We are married Chris! Shit, I’m meant to be your wife, I’m meant to be the one you kiss and fuck! How would you like it if I went and kissed someone at work because I was sad?” You sneered, desperate to get under his skin now. 

“Don’t be so ridiculous, I told you it was a mistake, a one-off! It’ll never happen again! We can sort this out!”

As both your words became more heinous, you couldn’t control yourself. The fact that Chris was now trying to sort out the problems that you’ve been trying to fix for a year just because he got caught out, was diabolical. He had fucked up and was paying the price and he couldn’t handle that. He was coming across like the victim and it was making you queasy.

“Are you fucking serious Chris!! I have been trying to sort out these problems for the past year and you’ve been having none of it, telling me that we are fine and the tough time would pass. Yet here we are..” 

You hated what you were about to say but with the anger coursing through your veins, you couldn’t stop yourself. 

“..Here we are, teetering on the edge of a fucking divorce because you couldn’t stay loyal to your own wife, because you couldn’t be a decent husband, a decent fucking human being and care about someone else but yourself!!”

The words hung in the air like someone had screamed bloody murder. 

Without even realising, you had stood up and was now opposite Chris, chest heaving after spitting such venom in his face. Chris was staring at you like you had unleashed a monster, a raging devil that you had been hiding for a while. 

You looked at him, eyes heavy and chest thumping. You bit your lip; terrified of your confession but power hungry from the buzz that being brutally honestly had given you. 

Chris only raked his eyes over your body once before he was stalking towards you, pushing and pinning you against the counter, left hand instinctively wrapping around your throat, eyes dark with lust and desire. 

Growling in a low, fierce tone, he muttered, “I’ve fucking cared for you every damn day of our marriage, I’ll never stop fucking caring for you because you are my wife. Mine. And I’ll never touch another woman again, because this..” He pauses to grind his cloth covered cock against you. “..this is too fucking good to give up.” 

With those words snarled into existence, his lips were on yours. Ravishing you like water in a drought, starved of what he wants, what he owns. And in a really twisted way, you loved it. You were craving his dominance, his power to control you with his touch. No matter what happened, you would always surrender to him because you needed him, you wanted him. 

You couldn’t help but whimper as Chris’s hand moved from your throat and travelled down to your hip, leaving a burning path over your breasts and down your stomach in his wake. 

“Look at my pretty wife, all desperate for me.” Chris smirked as he trailed kisses all over your neck, pining you harder against the counter to control your squirming. You were ravenous for Chris and you were absolutely fed up of trying to hide it. 

He pulled your dress over you in one swift movement, leaving you in just your panties. You looked back up at Chris with lust filled eyes whilst his own eye fucked your now almost naked body. 

You couldn’t wait any longer whilst he enjoyed the view, you were too desperate for him. 

“Chris, please..” you begged.

Your lips crashed back together furiously, teeth and tongues clashing instantly. Chris continued to assert dominance, lifting you up onto the counter easily and thrusting two fingers inside of you; eager to watch you submit your body to him. You gripped onto his shoulders as he held you up with one arm on the surface, still kissing him like your life depended on it. 

But suddenly, it felt like it wasn’t enough, you needed to be closer to Chris, you needed to feel closer to Chris. Starting to fumble with his jeans, you knew what you wanted. It only took Chris a few seconds to realise your desires and he was clearly more than happy to comply, allowing you to undo his jeans and push them down far enough to pull him free from his boxers. Your mouth watered at the sight of him, your core tightening around his fingers at the feeling you knew was coming. 

He pulled his fingers out of your core, bringing them to his lips and licking them clean. Your stomach flipped at the view in front of you but your core ached to feel him inside of you again. 

“Two weeks without tasting you is far too long baby girl..” 

You groan before he smacks his lips against back against your own, even more turned on at the thought of tasting yourself on his lips. 

Chris pulled back sharply, grabbing a fistful of hair at the back of your head and forcing you to look down between you both whilst the other hand guided himself to your entrance. Chris was already fully hard, ready and waiting for this moment, this feeling. 

“I want you to watch baby. I want you to see me taking what’s mine. I want you to remember that there is no one else that can make you feel this good, remember that no one else can satisfy me like you do. This is mine, you’re mine and I’m taking it back.” 

You felt weak under the spell Chris was casting on you. Hanging off of his every word, you felt like the twenty-something girl that met Chris all those years ago, giddy at your obsession with one another. Giddy with the feeling of being happy and in love. 

Chris pushed into you. Your eyes rolled back at the feeling of him stretching you open, pushing himself further and further into you until you had swallowed him whole. Your mind reeling at the feeling you’d missed so badly. 

Immediately picking up the pace, Chris was thrusting into you harshly, hitting the spot that only he could find. Your kisses were sloppy, rushed and desperate as he kept up his relentless pace. 

You knew this wouldn’t last long; the culmination of passion, urgency and anger fuelling the fire you were feeling that you had been craving for two weeks now. The desperation of needing to feel your husbands touch was intense, but neither of you wanted it to last long. It was clear this wasn’t about love or reconciliation, this was about need and ownership; proving that you only belonged to one another, no matter what happened. This was a reminder of that feeling, to anchor yourselves together again. 

As Chris maintained his toe-curling pace, your fingers fumbled down to your clit, clumsily dancing over the sensitive bud and adding to your already overwhelming pleasure. 

Chris looked at you before spitting a splurge of saliva down onto your clit, moistening the area against the touch of your fingers. As it dripped through your fingers and over your clit and core, you were fiercely encompassed with your desire for this man. This sex was filthy, messy and downright the sexiest fuck you’d ever had together. 

As you looked back up at Chris, panting heavily from your arousal, you kissed him lewdly. Biting down hard on his bottom lip, you pulled it in between your teeth; drawing out his own chokes of pleasure. 

Chris was close, you knew he was but so were you. The feeling of powerlessness washed over you as your orgasm began to build. Chris was in complete control of your body, clawing to pull every inch of pleasure to the surface before he let you cum. His thrusts became erratic, pushing you further than ever before as your body started to tremble. 

“Chris, please..”, you begged again. 

“I told you this was too good to give up baby girl! Take it, take all of me!” 

With your legs trembling, you gripped Chris’s biceps tightly, nail marks cutting into his perfect skin as your orgasm shot through you. Chris grunted a ‘good girl’ as you came and his thrusts faltered, his own orgasm jolting through his body. 

You stayed there, heads resting together and chests heaving, the only sounds filling the room was your dizzying panting.

Slowly, as your head returns from the clouds, you realise what you’ve done. The repercussions of having sex with Chris amongst this mess was only going to complicate things further. How do you tell Chris that you might want a divorce after doing that with him? How do you make an educated decision with that playing on your mind? This man consumes you, his love consumes you and you never want to lose it but are you just love-drunk, not seeing the bigger picture? 

Chris brings you back to reality, helping you down off the violated countertop. You quickly redress, never giving Chris eye contact and staying silent. Your head spinning from the last hour; from arguing and screaming to fucking on the kitchen counter. 

“Sweetheart, are you alright?” Chris says sheepishly. 

You look at him and shake your head, muttering a ‘no’. 

“Look Y/N, I know we said a lot of things we didn’t mean-”

“Chris, stop..” you cut him off, “I meant everything I said. This isn’t something we can dodge, we have to be truthful, our marriage is on the line and I really don’t think you understand that?” 

“But.. I- We just..” Completely at a loss for words, Chris stays quiet. 

“I think you should leave Chris.” You whisper as yet another tear falls from your eyes. 

Chris just nods his head, noticeably shocked by your words. He quickly kisses your cheek before hurrying out the door. As soon as the door shuts, you collapse onto the wood floor. Feeling Chris over every part of you, you feel even more confused than earlier. Your mind and body clearly want Chris, so why isn’t it that easy for your heart to make that decision? 

 ♡ Final Part: Healed Heart

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[crispyjenkins]

Jangobi. After Melida/Daan Obi-wan comes back to the order but qui-gon doesn’t want him anymore so one of the council members jumps at the chance to apprentice him. This leads to him being encouraged to pay attention to his visions and feelings from the force because THEYRE REAL AND YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GIVE THEM SOME ATTENTION OBI-WAN. Obi gets a vision and a feeling that he needs to follow and tells his master. This leads to them finding Jango while he was still a slave and them freeing him.

(*gonna start putting translations up here like i do on ao3*

cw: drug use, cw: non-consentual drug use. basically second-hand highs from working with spice, nothing graphic but is mentioned a few times.)

Mando’a: kad’au — “lightsaber”, used here intentionally in place of jetii’kad, “Jedi’s saber” “Vor’e te Manda” — “Thank the Manda”, with Manda meaning “the collective soul or heaven - the state of being Mandalorian in mind, body and spirit - also supreme, overarching, guardian-like” (mandoa.org) “Tion’cuy?” — “Who’s that?”, “Who are you?” confrontational urcir’ijaat — “honor duel”, lit. “honor meet” – look me in the eye and tell me the mandalorians don’t settle more than just elections with trials by combat “Tion’ad hukaat’kama?” — “Who’s watching your back?”, “Where’s your backup?” osik — “shit”

 Even completely fucked second-hand on the inch-thick dusting of spice on every surface of the slave transport, Jango knows the kid hadn’t been on Galidraan.

  Wide brown eyes blink at him through the ray shield keeping Jango and six other slaves in the cramped space barely big enough for two of them, and Jango had thought he’d burned through his rage years ago, but seeing the kid with a kad’au held at their side in a reverse grip ignites something in Jango that he’d thought long dead. 

  They’re not dressed like a Jedi, instead decked in spacer’s rags that hang too-loose from lanky limbs that have yet to hit their last growth spurt, and the chain marking them as a padawan is tucked up into a soft blue cap that clashes rather horribly with the little ginger hair that pokes out the front. They look human, but then, so had Jaster; every Jedi Jango has met before had been human as well, though he knows they’re as diverse as Mandalorians.

  “Vor’e te Manda,” the baby Jedi breathes, and Jango is far too high to tell if he had imagined it or not. He had not thanked the Manda in many years.

  He pushes shakily to his feet, needing to lean on the wall until his head stops feeling like it’s going to float away, and the other slaves skitter as far back into the cell as they can. “Tion’cuy?” Jango hisses, four years of venom dripping from the demand (Who are you?), but the baby Jedi just extinguishes their ’kad and hits the panel next to the door to power down the ray shield.

  “My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi, and I’m here to rescue you.” They smile at everyone hiding behind Jango’s fury, and take a step back to gesture them out of the room. “If you follow this corridor to the starboard side of the transport, you will find a shuttle waiting with nine other freed prisoners,” they say with an obnoxiously-High Coruscanti accent that was completely imperceptible in their Mando’a. “I will not hold it against you if you take one of the escape pods, but my teacher is waiting on Concordia to reprocess your identities back into Republic systems, and we will do all we can to find and contact your families or peoples, if you so wish.”

  Teacher. Not master. And freed prisoners, not slaves.

  Jango growls under his breath, not trusting this Obi-Wan Kenobi as far as he can throw them, but the promise of freedom hangs heavy in the air, and it only takes a moment for his cellmates to decide the risk is worth it, scrambling and shuffling past Kenobi with murmurs of thanks in four different languages.

  Jango doesn’t move.

  He watches Kenobi’s throat bob nervously, as they make no move to follow their “freed prisoners” down the hall.

  He asks again, “Tion’cuy?”

  “Naas’ad jaon’yc.” No one important. “I was simply in the right place at the right time.”

  Banthashit. “Banthashit,” Jango snarls, and Kenobi has the good sense to actually flinch.

  “Look, I know the last thing you want right now is another Jedi, and if you were to demand urcir’ijaat on behalf of your people, I would accept with honor; but, no offense, in the state you’re in, it wouldn’t be much of a fight.” They hook their ’kad on their belt, and nod to the corridor once again. “Now, as engaging as this conversation is, I believe one of the smugglers was able to get a distress call out before I could stop him, and I would really prefer not to meet whoever picks up the signal.” Raising a single brow expectantly, the child gestures for Jango to follow. The kid’s right, of course, Jango couldn’t fight off a rat at the moment, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it.

  Growling, Jango shoves off the wall and somehow keeps both his balance and his feet underneath him, out of pure spite for the arm Kenobi offers in support.

-

  He had fully intended to take one of the escape pods and jettison towards Mandallia instead of Concordia, but halfway across the slave transport that seems even smaller than he'd remembered, Kenobi throws out their arm again, this time to stop Jango just before they turn a corner.

  “Oh, that’s not good,” they mutter and barely manage to duck under the blaster rifle swung at them like a bat, and Jango feels himself be shoved down to the floor against the wall.

  Above him, Kenobi ducks away from a hulking human with a rather unfortunate receding hairline, and all at once, the Jedi seems like a completely different person. Something shutters behind their eyes, expression dropping to a blank indifference that’s belied by the warrior’s ease with which they dodge both vibroblade and swinging blaster, dancing backwards down the hall and leading the yelling smuggler away from Jango.

  Dizzied by his sudden drop from standing to sitting, Jango doesn’t try to get back to his feet, instead watching Kenobi play the other human like a particularly ugly hallikset*. They don't even pull out their kad’au, remaining weaponless as they bounce and weave like they have all the time in the world; were Jango not stoned out of his mind, he’d probably be impressed. 

  Then something flips a switch in Kenobi, and without telegraphing a single twitch, they dive forward instead of away, using their whole arm to knock the blaster to the ground. In the same breath, Kenobi rams their head into the other’s chest in a move that would make most Mandalorians proud, relieving the stunned smuggler of his vibroblade before driving their knee into his chest. 

  The smuggler drops with a muffled clang, and Kenobi steps cleanly out of the way to watch him land face-first on the durasteel floor. Kenobi picks up the rifle, discharging the clip onto the ground, and chucks the whole thing through the nearest open door. They leave the smugglers’s body right where it is.

  “Sorry about that,” Kenobi murmurs, coming back to Jango and helping him to his feet. “I must have missed one of the guards near the back.”

  Something about the phrasing unsettles him, but it takes another moment of forced concentration to put his finger on it. “Tion’ad hukaat’kama?”

  Kenobi grimaces. “I’m not fluent in Mando’a.”

  “Who’s watching your back?” Jango growls, getting right up in their space. “Where the fuck is your backup if your master is on Concordia?”

  The kid —who’s really more of a teen, almost a young adult— winces and tries to start herding Jango towards the shuttle again. “I’m here alone,” they say, almost apologetic, “but I can handle myself.”

  “Your magic wizard mentor let you stage a spiceminer slave rescue on your own?” It goes against anything Jaster had taught him about the Jedi, about an apprentice’s master being as close to a buir as the Jedi will allow; not to mention the galaxy-wide understanding that, if you mess with a padawan, make kriffing sure the master’s dead first.

  Yet, Kenobi’s deepening grimace tells Jango all he needs to know.

  “He doesn’t know?”

  “Look, I didn’t have a whole lot of time, alright?!” Done with being patient, Kenobi grabs his arm and starts dragging Jango quickly through the ship. “We got separated and were going to rendezvous, but if I had waited for him, the spicers would have already moved on!” They yank him down one more hall before they reach the promised shuttle, docked directly to one of the transport’s exterior hatches. Out the nearest viewport, there is indeed another ship approaching, but Jango can’t tell if it’s friendly or not.

  Kenobi doesn’t give him time to figure it out, pushing him into the shuttle and immediately closing the boarding hatch behind them. 

  The other slaves stand around the small cargo bay in various states of drugged-up panic, and if Jango is counting correctly, only one had opted to take an escape pod.

  Far more carefully, Kenobi pushes Jango to the nearest bench, and then goes around the room coaxing the rest into seats as well. Even while gentle about it, murmuring words of assurance in as many languages as they know, Kenobi still moves and speaks with urgency — part of Jango wonders if they’re mind-tricking everyone into compliance. 

  He waits until Kenobi has detached from the transport and properly started their course to the nearest planet, a swirl of grays and browns that can only be Concordia, before following the Jedi up to the absolutely tiny cockpit. 

  There’s barely room for the two pilots’ seats, and the ceiling is so low that even Jango's hair brushes the roof, yet Kenobi looks right at home before the wildly overcomplicated controls.

  They say nothing as Jango drops into the other chair, merely glaring sideways at him until they’re a good ways away from the spicers’ transport. 

  “I do ask that you don’t kill me before we get everyone settled,” Kenobi finally sighs, and Jango almost laughs at them: did they think he came up here just to shivv them? 

  “I’m not going to kill you, Kenobi.” At least, not yet. “You knew who I was.”

  Kenobi winces and flips a blinking switch over their head. “I have a Jedi answer for that, and one where you’re less likely to use that vibroblade in your boot. Which would you prefer?”

  Jango considers them for a moment, and he’s certain now that Kenobi is younger than Jango had been on Galidraan, but not by much: they have one of those faces that eternally makes them look younger than they are, but if he’s over twenty standard, Jango is a Kryze.

  “Both. I want both.”

  “Right.” Visibly steeling themself, Kenobi swallows and adjusts their course slightly; wait, when had they gotten away from that second ship? Had Jango imagined it? Then again, he barely knows up from down at the moment, only grounded by Kenobi’s infuriatingly calm presence. “The easy answer is that I saw your name on the freighter’s manifest when it was docked on Mandalore, and recognised it. I’m on an extended mission in Mandalorian space, and, well, my master thought it would be good to catch me up on the recent history, as I had only briefly learned about the Civil War while in the Temple.”

  He’s pretty sure that makes sense, a logical A to B, an almost maddeningly ordinary explanation for the space-blown panic Jango had felt on first seeing them, on first hearing their relief at finding him.

  “And the Jedi answer?” he prompts quietly, fingers twitching at his lack of a weapon.

  They glance at him briefly, at his hands, before facing back forward. “I only knew to check the manifest because I had a Force vision, and I couldn’t knowingly leave you, or any of the others, to this fate. I knew what you looked like not from my lessons, but from what the Force showed me.”

  “What the Force showed you.”

  “Like I said, the first answer is easier.”

  “I’m too high for magic osik.”

  They wince again. “Yes, I suspected. My master has a spice specialist waiting for when we land, if any of you choose to detox immediately. She’s Old Clan, though — um, Vau Clan, I think.” The Vau Clan did not follow Jaster, but they certainly didn’t follow Vizsla either, and were unlikely to have sided with the duchy. Now, why Kenobi found that important...? “We couldn’t find any medics who used to follow Jaster Mereel,” they explain, as if reading his mind. “At least, not on such short notice. Obviously we wouldn’t trust anyone from Death Watch, or the New Mandalorians, or the mercenaries controlling Concordia, not with the Mand’alor.”

  Jango laughs before he can stop himself, but it’s a bitter thing. “I’m not the Mand’alor. I have no people to lead.”

  Kenobi’s frown only deepens as they steer the shuttle into Concordia’s atmosphere. “Perhaps we should discuss this when you’re not spiced burnt.”

  He can’t but agree. “None of this explains how your master knew to arrange all of this, if you hadn’t rendezvoused with him.”

  “Ah, well, I sent him a coded communication before um... finding this shuttle, and he only got back to me while I was searching the cells for you.”

  “You stole this?”

  “Listen, I was on a time crunch! I was going to give it back!”

  Despite his better judgment, Jango lets himself go boneless and laughs, the reality of the situation maybe finally hitting him. The disgruntled pout Kenobi sports as they contact the nearest spaceport only makes him laugh harder.

-

  Master Windu is waiting for them when Obi-Wan lowers the shuttle gangway, along with a flock of medical personnel and an Arconan with a datapad that reeks of Republic Judiciary.

  Everything Obi-Wan had told Jango had been the truth, except that his master had been able to comm him after he had nicked the shuttle and left atmosphere; he’d had no doubt that Windu would come through, of course, even on Obi-Wan’s rather strange and specific request for Dr. Vau, but, well, Obi-Wan still disembarks with the freed slaves expecting a swift dismissal from the Order.

  It’s worth it, he tells himself, watching Vau make a beeline to Jango Fett and knowing he’ll be in good hands. It’s worth it, Obi-Wan repeats to himself on loop as he slides his soft hat from his head and fixes his Korun padawan chain back behind his ear. This is far from the first time Obi-Wan has gone off script, has let his emotions get the better of him and acted against the wishes of a master, but it’s worth it, he tries to convince himself as he meets Master Windu in the middle of the flurry of activity of the hangar.

  He twists his hat in his hands and immediately bends forward into a bow. “I’m sorry, Master Windu,” Obi-Wan says quietly, and means it: how many padawans could say they had disappointed two masters thoroughly enough to be kicked out of the Jedi thrice?

  None, he knows.

  “I acted without thinking, I—”

  “It seemed to me that you acted with quite a bit of thought, padawan,” Master Windu says smoothly, a large hand settling on Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “Your communication was most thorough.”

  Obi-Wan wets his dry lips and keeps his gaze firmly on his boots. “I know I’m not supposed to lose myself in my feelings, to act as if they are fact, but there wasn’t time, and I—”

  “Obi-Wan.” 

  Snapping his mouth closed, he braces himself for the disappointment, the dismissal, but instead, Windu just sighs, and Obi-Wan only gets concern and apology from their training bond.

  “Obi-Wan, can you look at me?” 

  He tries, he really does, but something seems to lock Obi-Wan in place, terrified of seeing that disappointment on the face of a master he’s only had for two years, after Master Jinn had dropped him.

  Despite his fear, Windu isn’t angry when he doesn’t raise his head. “Padawan, the Force is not trying to catch you in a lie. For all that it tests us and pushes us, it would not show you things —past, present, future, or, yes, just feelings— if it did not deem them important. It is how you act that decides the future, not just what you see in visions.”

  “Mas... Master Jinn always said to focus on the now,” Obi-Wan mumbles, remembering the sorts of mantras he would meditate on while Jinn’s apprentice. 

  Windu hmms. “And, in some facsimile, he was correct. No, let me explain myself,” he says, holding up a hand to halt Obi-Wan’s confused protest. “There is danger in getting lost in visions, Obi-Wan, of focusing so much on the future that one forgets to live in the present; this is what Qui-Gon refers to. As I’m sure you realised, Qui-Gon is exceedingly strong in the Living Force, yes?” Obi-Wan nods hesitantly, and Windu smiles at him. “The philosophies he subscribes to, on top of not being particularly prescient himself, puts awareness of the world around you above all else; you can see why it would be difficult for him to understand how those like you, like myself, could give that awareness up for even a moment.” 

  “But isn’t letting go...”

  His smile turns rueful. “Ah, and now you see the Council’s frustration with him, for all that he is a magnificent Jedi.”

  Shuffling awkwardly, Obi-Wan resists the urge to tug on his padawan chain like he would his braid, and settles for wrapping it loosely around his finger. “You are not upset?”

  “Not with you,” he is quick to confirm. “You saved fifteen people’s lives today, Obi-Wan,” he gestures around them, “and allowed the arrest of several notorious spice runners. Yes, perhaps you acted rashly, but as you said: there was hardly time to hesitate. What matters is that you learn to discern when to act, and when to slow down.”

  “... I shouldn’t ignore them?”

  Windu blinks down at him, surprise quickly smoothing into something too tense to be entirely serene. “Ignore your visions? No more than I should attempt to ignore shatterpoints: the Force would not make us strong in abilities we couldn’t learn to control. I find I must apologise, padawan, I did not realise Qui-Gon... worked with you so little on your prescience; such an oversight is not one you should have had to worry about.”

  Obi-Wan swallows, floundering for words, and absolutely does not know what to do with Windu’s easy acceptance and understanding despite Obi-Wan having spent the last few years hiding his visions and lying about his dreams. 

  “But now is not the time to delve into this, nor worry about how we will move forward.” Unfolding a brown cloth from over his arm, Windu holds out what Obi-Wan realises is his robe, that he had thought lost when he was separated from his master. Windu waits for him to put it on to gently start herding him towards the ship they had first come to Mandalore on, and quietly starts catching Obi-Wan up on all that he had missed.

  He doesn’t know what to make of feeling Jango Fett’s eyes on him from across the hangar; nor the intensity with which they follow him until the ship’s hatch closes behind him.

(this took four iterations to write and i’m still not quite satisfied, but i’m very attached to obi-wan having a chain/beads instead of a braid after Melida/Daan; the lil wish-you-would-write snippet happens a few months before this!

thank you for the prompt and y’all’s patience! obi-wan has brown eyes now because you can’t stop me)

*hallikset a seven-stringed instrument that i think is just legends now. but cal plays one!

[cherryyharryy]

angst to fluff where y/n finds out she was originally just supposed to be a rebound type thing after he broke up with someone like idk something like he broke up with someone on the european leg of tour and she was supposed just be with him until he went on another leg but then he started to love her and brings her on the rest of tour with him and she finds out abt the rebound thing after the last show of tour where everyones drunk and celebrating and one person lets it slip

I tweaked it just a bit...hope that's ok:)

WC: 3.5K

****

“You look beautiful.”

I skim my nose across Harry’s cheek, his chin resting on my shoulder, and hum against stubble that wasn’t there this morning. “You’ve said that five times tonight.”

“And?” He slips around to face me.

His suit is a deep maroon, probably black if you’re far away, probably purple if you’ve had too much champagne. His chest expands when I slide my hand down.

“Love this dress.” He takes my hand off and pulls me closer, pressing a kiss to my head.

“You two forget where you’re at?” Another foreign voice surrounds us, well, foreign to me.

“Fucker,” Harry says to the man. They pat each other’s backs as the guy walks away. “Tyler Johnson.”

“Oh.”

“He worked with me on the last album.”

“Okay.”

It’s like the fifteenth person that I’ve been introduced to tonight, all of whom pass by with quick hellos, inside jokes with Harry, and little interest in me. The fast paced world of the rich and famous doesn’t slow down, even for charity.

“Harry, so glad you could make it.” Another voice, another man. This one lingers, long enough to receive my name, and offer a cliche compliment about my patience to put up with this beautiful bastard on my arm.

I thank him with the smile I’ve learned to speak through. These celebrities never stop smiling. Never stop posing. Never stop.

Then he’s gone too, and Harry’s whispering yet another name in my ear, of which I’ll forget seconds later because these people ultimately mean nothing to me. They all seem to pass through each other’s lives whenever convenience allows, playing house and acting like grown ups who get the privilege of not truly growing up.

I feel like the Gucci dress Harry had tailored to my body doesn’t fit. My posture sucks. I’m too scared to eat any of the finger foods being carried on silver platters through the hall. I haven’t learned how to smile through food I don’t like or not make a mess or take small enough bites. I swear, not one glass of champagne has any lipstick on it. They’re like magic.

I look at Harry. He’s stepped away to converse with a face that I do know. He and Jeff speak animatedly, Harry’s arms gesturing to whatever story he’s telling. I step over to one of the dressed tables and place what little weight I can onto the chair, needing to cling to something. When I look back up I smile, the two of them now laughing, and probably a little too loud for this charity auction.

“Y/n...right?”

I whip around, a man I’ve seen in pictures on Harry’s phone holds out his hand.

I straighten my back and accept his greeting. “Yes.”

“Finally we meet!” He catches my confusion and chuckles. “I produced Harry’s last album.”

Something clicks in my head, and he’s suddenly more familiar. “Oh! I knew that.”

Tom Hull...Kid Harpoon I process just as he introduces his name.

“I—”

An arm slipping around my waist stunts my question, Harry tipping back a red drink with his free hand while the other squeezes my hip. “Just tell this one to leave you alone,” he jabs.

Tom rolls his eyes, patting the breast of his green suit to look for something, only to show off his middle finger.

“Can’t believe the two of you haven’t met,” Harry says.

“I know, I guess we just missed each other.” Tom nods to me. “Heard you went to quite a few shows.”

“As many as I could.”

An uneasy sting travels down my spine. I did go to many shows, practically following Harry around his entire tour...all on his dime. Lord knows the man can afford it, but I still felt weird about him dishing out thousands of dollars to add me to each plane ride.

“Well I’m happy to see you two kids together,” Tom jokes, patting Harry on his back. “I’ve told him he needs to date women who will fuck him up. That’s where the songs are.”

He saunters off like he did not just say that. No. Absolutely not.

My face burns and it hurts to turn my head, but I still manage to narrow my eyes at Harry.

“Do you want another drink?”

I wait. I give him more than enough seconds to explain what the hell that was. But he’s clueless—ignorant.

“No. I do not.”

***

I do not bother taking my heels off in the car. My plan is to storm into our hotel room the second we park. Possibly locking Harry out...haven’t decided on that part yet.

The vague chit chat he makes with the driver stirs my nerves. It shouldn’t make me angry, and it’s not so much the act as it is his demeanor. He’s too cheery right now and it’s pissing me off.

“Okay,” he grabs my attention from Los Angeles flying past my window, the partition rolling up to leave us completely alone in the back seat. “What’s wrong?”

I bite my tongue, literally. “Nothing.”

“You seemed...irritated.”

“Did I?”

“Y/n.”

I turn to face him, inhaling sharply to calm my coming words. “Why are you with me?”

His face pales, and not a muscle moves. He just stares at me until he finally blinks and starts jerking his jaw around. “What are you talkin’ about?”

I roll my eyes. “The fact that you don’t know, bothers me even more.” I sigh, fighting back tears because I am determined not to cry in front of him. “Tom said that you should date people that fuck you up.”

“O—oh. That’s all?”

I squint, curling my lip. “What do you mean, that’s all? Is that not enough for you? Because that was a lot for me to hear tonight.”

“Baby, he was just messing around.”

I don’t budge.

“Really, it’s nothin’ to think about.” He tucks my hair behind my ear, trailing his hand down to cup my jaw. “Promise. It’s just like when people told you that you could do better than me, or insult me to compliment you.” He shrugs. “It’s just party talk.”

I process his words, supposing he’s not wrong. He did receive quite a few insults in lieu of my praise tonight. Maybe I was just on edge because of the setting; being surrounded by the rich and famous while I struggle to pay my rent each month isn’t exactly grounds for positive thinking.

“Okay, I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for.” He leans over to kiss me, stroking my face as his lips skim over mine. “Did I tell you how stunning you look tonight?”

***

It’s funny how your brain works. How emotions swoop in and corral your thoughts, like a salesman who pretends to care about you so they can get what they want. My mind was desperate for relief, from hearing Tom’s nervy comment, and I naively allowed Harry to take what he needed in that moment.

Something’s not quite right. I don’t know what it is, but I can feel it.

I’ve been mulling over Harry’s words in my head all weekend, playing them on repeat, hoping they’ll start to make sense, but if anything their value keeps dropping. What worries me the most, is that I don’t know whether he’s trying to protect me or himself. I don’t know if one is any better than the other.

It’s golden hour when we pull up to the beach. I can hear the music before I even open the car door; a volleyball shoots up over the rows of bushes hiding the party, disappearing and popping back up a moment later.

I don’t really want to be here, but I also don’t want to be the girlfriend who won’t support their boyfriend.

“Ready?” Harry asks, and I nod.

The closer we walk, the clearer the music becomes. Harry’s voice takes over the private beach, and I wonder if they’re playing his entire album or just Golden on repeat.

A good bit of the people drinking and chatting I recognize form the event the other night, but there are still plenty of new faces. I take some fruity drink that was offered to me and down half of it before my feet hit sand.

And so the routine continues. I’m introduced to someone, they compliment me, laugh with Harry, congratulate him on pretty much everything he’s ever done, and then repeat with a new face. I do manage to find Sarah at one point after I’ve detached myself from Harry, and the two of us head for the water.

“Are you feeling okay?” Sarah asks once our toes are wet.

I hold my breath and count to five, finishing whatever the hell I’m drinking before I can answer her. “I’m great.”

“Harry said you weren’t doing too well after the auction?”

“Yes, Harry does a lot of talking with people when I’m not around.”

“Alright, spill it,” Sarah says.

I trace the rim of my glass, flicking my eyes over my shoulder to make sure we’re far away from the party. “It’s stupid, really, I’m just a little...I don’t know...Tom said something the other night that rubbed me the wrong way. And Harry doesn’t seem to care.”

“What did he say?”

“Just something about how Harry needs to have relationships with people who will fuck him up.”

“Ooh,” she nods, seemingly well versed in the statement. “Yeah that’s an Iggy Pop quote. Tom mentioned it in Rolling Stone when he was interviewed.” She sips her drink, eyes growing small over the rim. “It was just a cheap line of advice he gave Harry after he was torn up after his last breakup.”

“Wait, so he actually did say that before? Like before the other night?”

Sarah drifts her eyes up in thought, nodding. “Um hm. After him and Camille broke things off.” She shrugs, and gestures to the party exploding on the beach behind us. “Fine Line.”

I have no idea what I’m feeling. No clue what is coursing through my veins, but it’s not blood anymore. The corners of my jaw tingle until my face starts going numb, my breathing shallow and chest tight.

“You okay?”

“I uh, I gotta go.”

Sarah calls after me but I let my name die in the breeze as I march back to the crowd. It’s nearly dark now, and finding Harry among all his people will take forever. I try to look for him, but I’m so distraught I can’t concentrate long enough to make out faces. I give up and head back to his car, only to find it’s locked. The asphalt is warm on my legs as I lower down to the ground, careless to the dirt I’m getting on my clothes and the scratches on my skin.

I’m not in this position for long. Not long enough, at least. Harry rounds the corner of the bushes, speeding up when he sees me.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

He moves to sit down beside me, but I jump up before he can.

“You’re a fucking liar.”

“Whoa! What!? What’s gotten into you lately?”

“I told you! What Tom said the other night!” I’m yelling, too loud for public, I know. But a small part of me wants someone to hear. I want to disrupt the bubble Harry lives in.

“And I told you that it was just nonsense.”

“And that’s why you’re a liar! Sarah just told me, that he said that to you after you and Camille broke up.”

“Okay...and?”

I inhale as deep as I can. It makes me dizzy, adds to my headache. “And, what the fuck am I supposed to do with that? With the knowledge that the only reason you’re even with me, is because I’m gonna fuck you up so bad you’ll get songs out of it?

“Y/n,” he pinches the bridge of his nose, “you’re taking this waaay too literally. Trust me.”

“You’re not in a position right now where I even want to trust you.”

“This has gotten completely out of control. I cannot believe you’re this upset over something so stupid.”

“Right there, Harry!” I point at him. “You keep dismissing how I feel! You don’t even care that this upsets me! That I feel like I need to reevaluate our entire relationship!”

“What is there to evaluate!? I haven’t even done anything! You’re blowing up about something that someone else said!”

“But you listened to him!”

“What,” he shrugs, “what do you want?”

“I don’t know what I want, Harry. I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Do what?” He pauses, swallowing. “Us?”

I roll my eyes. “Yes, us. I can’t be with you if—if you’re just waiting around for me to ruin you emotionally.”

“You’re seriously gonna let someone else’s words do this to us? You’d break up with me because of something another person said?”

“Harry, if I break up with you it’s gonna be because of what you’ve done. I don’t care that he said it, I care that you agree to it. And quite frankly, it’s pretty insulting to Camille. You spent a part of your life with that girl, and you just capitalize off of it. I’m not gonna let you do that to me.”

“I’m not capitalizing off of anyone! What the hell am I supposed to write my songs about? I’m just supposed to not date then?”

“It’s the fact that you sought out a relationship in order to fuel your writing.”

“No, y/n, that’s not what I did.” He narrows his eyes at me, and even in the dark I can see his anger. “I sought you out because I was devastated after me and her broke up. You were only supposed to be a rebound.”

I feel like the wind’s been knocked out of me. The music overhead blurs into noise scraping my eardrum, my vision grows weak and foggy. He wanted to hurt me, and he did.

“I expect a thank you when you release your next album.” I spin on my heel and head towards the main road, yanking my phone from my pocket to call an uber. For the second time tonight, my name trails behind me in the wind. I can hear Harry’s steps pick up, and as fast as I walk, he still catches me.

“Y/n, please, let’s go back to the hotel. You can hate me and not talk to me, but please don’t leave.”

I ignore him, trying to set up my ride. “Where the hell are we?”

He glances at my phone, and I can tell he considers keeping the answer to himself, so he can keep me to himself. He drops his voice, much weaker than before. “Carbon Beach. Canyon road.”

Ten minutes.

“Y/n—”

“I am not interested in discussing this with you.”

“I’m so sorry. I—I was mad and was just trying to win the argument. Whichever way I could.”

“Congratulations on your win.”

“Y/n, please, honey. I don’t want to lose you.” He drags his hands down his face, keeping his palms dug into his eyes. When he lets them drop, there are tears spilling down his cheeks. “I can’t lie and say you weren’t, but yes you were a rebound for me, but that went away. Literally weeks after we started dating. I care about you so much. I wouldn’t drag you to every show and event I have if I didn’t. I’m so proud to call you mine. The last thing you are to me is—is just grounds for my writing.”

I stare out across the road. A jeep speeds by and the gush of wind it brings sends chills down my arms.

“Harry, I just...it’s a lot. You’re a lot. Your life is a lot.” I sigh and slowly turn to face him. “It feels like the significance of us being in each other’s lives are so different.”

He kicks a rock across the road, dust flying up around us. “Fuck. Y/n I’m begging—”

“They’re here.” I nod to the headlights approaching us.

“Baby, please.”

“I think I need to be alone right now.” I get in the backseat. “Enjoy your party.”

***

I text him when I’m back at the hotel, having nowhere else to go. I didn’t think my plan of leaving through, because he’ll come back here before the night’s over. But I’m hoping he’ll stay away for a bit, long enough for me to process everything at least.

Deep down I know there’s not as much to the comment as I thought. And Harry’s not that type of guy. But the lack of concern over my feelings...the fact that I was just used as a warm body while he got over Camille...that’s what hurts the most.

There’s a fine line between being sorry because you’ve been called out, and truly being sorry. How sorry can he be when he got what he wanted? Even if I’m not what he envisioned past a few quick fucks, he still comes out on top happy.

I feel like the lifestyle these people live is embedded with secret codes, all of which I’m not wired to pick up on. The money, the mistakes, the adoration... Everything is a lot, and playing catch up is nearly impossible.

I don’t get the alone time I’d wished for. There are curses and clicks of the doorknob right before Harry comes in. He stands at the entrance, staring at me on the lounge chair like he’s unsure if I’m real.

“Wasn’t sure you’d come back here.”

“Where else can I go?” I nod to his phone in his hand. “I texted you.”

“I was driving.”

I sigh, flinching when he turns the lights on. “I know you wanna talk, but I don’t even know what to say.”

“You don’t have to,” he says, dropping his keys on a table to come sit beside me. “I’ll talk though.” He inhales, holding his breath for a second before forcing the air out. “I know that me saying I’m sorry means shit to you right now. And to be honest, it probably is coming from me...in a way. You’re right about everything. And whatever you’re feeling, once you figure that out, you’re valid about that too.”

“How would you feel if you were only meant to be temporary in my life? You never mentioned why you were interested in me in the beginning. And no, I never would have gone out with you had I known. I would never want to be someone’s rebound. There’s just something sneaky about that.”

His head drops into his hands, and his shoulders shake right before I hear him cry. “I know, I—I get so caught up in myself sometimes. I’m such a fucking prick.” When he looks up, his eyes are burnt red, glassy and defeated. “I don’t deserve you, and I really don’t deserve anyone.”

“Harry,” I chastise, not expecting the downward spiral he’s ventured onto.

“I swear I care about you. I want you to be happy, and I want to make you happy. I don’t want to be the one to treat you this way. Ever.”

I inhale as deep as I can, holding my breath until it hurts. “I know.” I take his hand in mine. “And I know your heart, and I know you care about me. I—” I sigh, “I’m not comfortable with...just forgetting all of this though. I can forgive you, but I think we need to take a couple steps back. I’ve gotten so swept up in your life and your world, I’m losing my own.”

He nods slowly, accepting my words with a pained face.

“I care about you too.”

He looks up for the first time, catching the last few tears with the back of his hand. “I know you do.”

I offer a small smile and lean in to kiss his cheek. His eyes fall closed, and blindly he turns to press his lips to mine. Our kiss is salty and urgent.

“What did you say to everyone when you left?”

He frowns in thought, like the memory is too far away. “Nothing. Jumped in my car and prayed this is where you’d be.”

I take his hand and pull us both to our feet. “We should go to bed. It’s been a long night. Too long.”

We’re quiet and slow as we shed our clothes and brush our teeth, slipping into bed around two a.m.. Harry doesn’t waste a second in pulling me into his warm chest, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug that has me burying my face into his neck.

We lay there, silent, but when I know I don’t have much longer before sleep overcomes me, I kiss his shoulder, whispering how much I love him before I close my eyes.