#sorry if I don't talk much about fandoms
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My interests and obsessions
So I have a lot of interests and strangely all of it has an expiration date (that means I really can't stick to one fandom). And I usually move on to another fandom in two methods:
Media no longer has new content and it bored me already
So this media is inspired on something else/featured this actor so I went to check that media and eventually I found myself obsessed with this thing I saw, leaving the previous fandom silently.
But there are times I often obsess on that media again after a few years (like I became a Metallica fan in late 2022 and in late 2024 I returned liking Metallica again). Sometimes, it doesn't return at all unfortunately.
By default, I usually talk about my OCs or looking at old archives that defined the early 2000s. I'm mostly focused doing on my projects nowadays since they're more important to me.
Here's the list of projects I'm doing recently:
Patsy n' Crinkles (Main priority. It's a game I'm currently developing rn)
Why Foxy?
Mint Teenz
Parasitic Mercury
Rinzu Hane (my UTAUloid OC)
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can I say something is this a safe space. it's kind of fascinating that ford is meant to read as a deeply repressed character and a capital s Scientist no less but he leads this other half of his life entirely dedicated to the occult. in the 70's-80's. like the historical connotations of the occult and what they represented in the united states at least seems kind of interesting in this context. for no reason in particular I find the dual aspects of "extremely dedicated to presenting as a logical, steadfast researcher trying to earn respect and social acceptance to the point of hinging all of his self worth on this vision for the future working out" and "deeply tied to the paranormal and "unsavory black magic" and everything Weird/freakish but feels like he needs to hide this aspect of himself from even the people closest to him" Very interesting. hiding six-fingered hands compulsively behind his back even if it's the emblem he puts on his journals. "what are you attracted to?" and "maybe you're simply attracted to things that hurt you" from two different points in the book. sweet dreams (are made of this) on the record player. hey does anyone know what that tarot card with a snake on it is meant to represent
#lab notes#utterly incomprehensible post sorry guys#and it drives me insaneeeee because people just don't talk about this aspect of him as a character. which like okay yeah makes sense#one half of the fandom would use it as shipping fuel and the other half probably don't want to think about it#but oh my godddddddddd oh my god. you could write psychology textbooks about this guy#to make it more obvious I think ford is not Just repressed about being gay and I think people go about it wrong#he is on some much weirder shit than internalized homophobia#and representing it through his falling in with occult studies/practices is fascinating to me#his 'the only way I can get what I want is if I sacrifice All my boundaries and autonomy' moment. real self-haters understand#[they start dragging me off stage] and do you ever think about how bill was literally a cult leader if we take the billville pages as canon
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”A Dance With Toro”
Fighting a “meat-eating bull” is pretty metal.
Once again showing that I'm a person who draws the dinosaurs better than the characters lol.
Timelapse undercut:
Song used Distant Past by Everything Everything. (Oops the video is longer than the song so sorry for the silence for the last minute or so lol.)
#camp cretaceous#Jwcc ben#ben pincus#Jwcc toro#I struggled more than I should’ve with the lighting#Brave is a really good episode. Tied with The Long Run.#You're telling me this scrawny wild child grows up to be called a babygirl in the fandom??? /j /lh#I don't care if he talks about it too much. I would also brag the HELL out of fighting a carnotaurus and winning (with some help).#You have no idea how much I was chewing at the bars of my enclosure cause I wish I had my iPad so I could#Work on it during my lunch break#Sorry if the blood doesn’t look good. Haven’t drawn blood since uhhh middle school? Lol#My coworkers watching me scribble Toro in my sketchbook aggressively like the “wtf is this kid doing” meme#AL’s scribblings of Nublar
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That one time a pose study (looking at art of pretty women and telling myself I was being productive) turned into Portia
#art#digital art#the arcana#the arcana fanart#portia devorak#Wishing all my fellow Portia likers a pleasant evening#At this point I just alternate between drawing Nadia and drawing Portia whenever the crippling brainrot and loneliness become too much to b#lol I hit the tag character limit#“Oh this is precious the straight guy has fallen in love with the only two options” *crowd laughs*#Earlier today I finished 100%ing both Mario Kart 8 and Mario Kart 8 Deluxe so that was pretty cool#That has nothing to do with the art but it's a solid reminder of why I have acquired absolutely zero maidens#My main build is Green Shy Guy in the Tanooki Kart/Leaf Tires and Flower Glider in case you're like the 1 person who's wondering#Oh and after posting this I'm gonna make mac and cheese and watch One Piece cause I recently finished Skypeia and got to Water 7#Kinda worried tbh cause this is like the one everyone talks about#Man I REALLY hope the Mario Kart 8 and One Piece fandoms don't get tagged cause of my yapping but that'd be pretty funny if they did#Man if you read through all these tags I'm sorry jhkdfvbsjh#Okay that's all have a good one
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life is hard for us oz fans who are only meh about wicked. have half a meme.
#it's not even that i dislike boq as a character - he's fine. i think galinda is the most intriguing of the musical esp in her relationship#with power and how that relates to her relationships with other people. but boq is fine#i am just SO fucking tired of conflating boq wicked with nick chopper baum books#that's not my tin woodman. and i don't want him to be. nick (unlike many oz characters) has a very specific and set backstory#he has a whole damn book about it ffs#and boq is such a different character in terms of role symbolism and personality that i just cannot see him as even an au version of nick#fiyero too to be completely honest. though his mischaracterization doesn't bother me quite as much bc i read the book and he is rather#intriguing as a separate character - i don't love him in the musical tho. anyways specifically calling boq the tin woodman and saying#all the baum book stuff happened to him is so irritating to me because they are not at all the same. and nick is one of my favorite charas#in any media ever. idk. no hate if you like boq ofc and i don't want to stop you from having fun with the characters#i just am getting tired of the greater oz fandom latching on to wicked as fleshing out the baum or mgm characters. it's an entirely#different world. (and yes we can discuss the fact that wicked is intended to be canon compliant with the 39 film - but once again it's#a stretch to say it fits the charas. and that isn't the issue i have here.)#anyways. sorry. i'm just tired of wicked = boq = nick stuff#esp im annoyed at the fiyero and boq blorbo-ifying i see when the women of this musical are far more interesting and proactive#boq and fiyero are just furniture/pawns in the great drama that is elphaba's life and the way she pulls glinda into it with her#but WHATEVER i DIGRESS and shit. ignore this. whatever#it's the way people attempt to reconcile a lot of non-compliant media into whichever one they like the best. which is all fun and games#i am just being a hater. ok? this is me being a hater.#analysis#wizard of oz#wicked#wicked musical#toast talks oz#toasty talks
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#obviously i am Thrilled with all the buddie goodness we got this ep#but one thing about this whole eddie/chris storyline that is driving me absolutely UP THE WALLS#is that there has just been absolutely Zero realistic communication about any of it from the audience's perspective#we don't hear anything about logistics in the moments where chris is actually leaving#(about how long he'll be gone for/if it's just for the summer/etc etc)#which whatever fine tim wanted it to be dramatic#but still in season 8 we don't know if there's been any discussion with chris OR helena and ramon about when/if he should be coming home#like you can infer if you want that the diaz parents have no intention of giving up chris and this was the plan all along#but tbh even that is largely extrapolation on the fandom's part bc they haven't told us anything!!!!!!#two facetimes and three conversations eddie's had with people that Aren't his parents is not enough!!!!#and i know it's the Eddie Diaz Routine(tm) to jump to the most extreme possible conclusion re him moving back to el paso#but WHY have we gotten no indication at all that he's attempted to talk this out with chris at some point in the last 5 months???????????#the dust settled a long time ago and eddie has Always been so good at talking to chris even when it's a difficult subject#i refuse to believe we're in last resort territory i'm sorry askdfjhsa#i want to write something about it but there's so much to tackle i don't even know where to start!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway yes i know i was the one pointing out last week that storylines 8 seasons in are not going to be top notch but that doesn't negate#my frustration aksdjfhsih#tbd
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omgggg shipping is not arophobic in the LEAST but keep making us look like whiners with no real problems by continuing to complain about it I guess
yeah that's definitely what i said in any post ever man great job
average person who has made shipping their entire identity will see a post where someone says 'hey please don't say these specific types of things that are degrading and cruel about nonromantic relationships while enjoying your ships and maybe examine the thought processes and beliefs and prejudices that led to saying them' and be like 'oh so you're a whiner with no real problems who thinks shipping is arophobic?'
telling on yourself there bud
#gav gab#lmaoooooooo#gav answers#i feel like my brain ghosts would have a much harder time with this if i didn't already like#obsessively couch every single comment i made about shipping and arophobia and amatonormativity#with a million disclaimers about how everyone is allowed to do what they want and enjoy what they enjoy#implying this comes from a fellow aro person is like#unfortunately not hard to accept bc i have seen a Lot of aro people who love shipping#also fall down the same logic traps#of people's behaviour when shipping can Never be questioned or criticized bc shipping is sacrosanct#bc they feel like#idk particularly self conscious about engaging in arophobic behaviour when shipping#ive noticed that like people who make shipping their entire fandom identity have a VERY LOW distress tolerance#for someone even so much as not also approaching fandom that way#and watching them freak out at the mere suggestion that it's possible for someone to#ever so gently suggest maybe the way they talk about this affects other people#and 'but my ships' isn't a blanket justification to say whatever you want forever about relationships and love and feelings#and devotion and whatever else and how Friends Don't Look At Friends Like That!!11!111!!!!!#bc it's Not That Deep and It's Just A Joke Calm Down and Ship And Let Ship!!!!!!!#is like. well. skill issue. i am so uncomfortable in fandom spaces all the time lmao you couldn't survive in my shoes#imagine being so selfish and incapable of handling people having different experiences that you hear like#the mildest critique of your behaviour and go so far off the rails you send shit like This#is this take for real 'it's not possible for any shipping related behaviour to be arophobic' bc if so uh. Uh#shipping related behaviour is not immune from critque about but not limited to#misogyny homophobia racism arophobia etc etc you do actually have to care abt other people#even when youre making your barbies kiss. sorry!#i see a notification on my inbox and i get excited to see a message. maybe it's about one of my fics or smth!#no. it is this asshole.
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sometimes in the fandom you see some art that is SO beautifully made but goes SO against the grain of how you perceive the drawn character(s) like I want to reblog it so much because it's so visually gorgeous and the artist is amazing and deserves to know this but I'll fucking die before letting that particular interpretation of the character(s) anywhere near my blog
#personal#don't take it as vagueposting#it's about A LOT of art I've seen over the years and I just got reminded of some of it#fandoms in general tend to take the characterization of nuanced characters in certain very specific direction#that irritates me to an absolutely unreasonable degree#and I don't want to rain on anyone's parades#it's fandom and it's for fun there is no way to enjoy your fictional guys wrong#so I mostly keep silent about it#but given sufficient time pretty much every fandom drifts into the state where I can't engage with it#without seeing red like three posts into the tag#even the art tag#and I feel so weird sitting there with my different perception#pretty isolated#which is self-imposed and not exactly bad but still weird#luckily I have some close friends that I can still have in-depth discussions abt the media and characters with#but online fandoming eventually gets blood-boiling rather than fulfilling#which is especially idk weird?#given that I'm mostly drawing fandom stuff#and I kinda SHOULD be interacting with the fandom#and I'd love to have talks of those fictional guys#they are great guys and I love to talk about them#but then I poke my nose into the fandom and my blood gets boiling#it's weird being a fandom artist outside of the fandom is what I'm saying xD#especially once you get used to the boost of motivation and productivity that comes from being in the fandom#and I kinda miss that but also well nothing to be done about that#don't mind me and sorry for the rant
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I never thought I'd say this, but there's no way I'm one of the only ones here that isn't chronically online. Right? Right??
#PLEASE don't tell me this is genuinely how all of you view this#I'm not gonna make a longer post unless prompted but. there's no way so many of you are this chronically online. there's just no way#I mean this is the nicest way possible btw#some of y'all need to get some friends IRL. like genuinely.#if y'all are thinking that its evil to draw teens smoking weed or for there to be 2 year age gaps in high school relationships-#you do NOT know enough people. I'm being serious#don't get me wrong; some of the things being talked about are serious issues#(I am basically only referring to Louis when I say this. I hope you're doing okay man)#but the rest is stuff that is just so stupid I swear#I don't like engaging in drama hence why I'm not gonna tag the fandom or make this a big post outside of the tags#So much of this is the kind of thing you'd see in a 2018 DA ranters video and that is NOT a good thing#the combination of a lack of nuance + being teens with no life experience + hard opinions is soooooo ass#like this feels like the beginning of a clique who hates artistic expression#I saw one of the posts talking about how people in this fandom should basically be only wholesome or else you're evil and just. What??#Not how art works. not how liking a thing works. stop trying to police the people around you#when I say 'you' I am referring to the amorphous blob of people I'm targeting this rant at and not everyone btw#and I thought that me with my mental health testing approved black & white thinking pattern was bad. god damn#sorry for these tags being so long and ranty I just needed to yap about how I think a lot of this is stupid#if anyone following me doesn't want to follow me anymore due to this that's fine. idrc tbh#I could also like explain anything I mean in an actual post if anyone is confused by any of this#but otherwise this is my two cents#andy rambles
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i know I've mentioned my interpretation of mizu's gender a million times on here but i don't think i ever fully elaborated on it.
so on that note i just wanna ramble about that for a bit. basically, it's my reading of the show that mizu is nonbinary, so let me dig into that.
putting the rest under the cut because it ended up being pretty long lol. also here have a cute mizu pic of her being happy and most at ease with herself, symbolised by her letting her hair down. <3 ok let's proceed.
thus, when i refer to mizu as nonbinary, i am interpreting mizu as a woman, but not ONLY a woman. not strictly a woman. she is also a man. she is also neither of these things, she is something in between, while at the same time she is none of these at all. i've said as much many times, but i just don't want people to think that when i say nonbinary, it inherently means a "third androgynous gender" that essentially turns the gender binary into a gender trinary. not only is that going against what the term nonbinary was crafted for (to go against rigid boxes and categorisation of gender identities), but also, not all nonbinary people fall under that category or definition, and that's definitely not the way i interpret mizu.
okay before i go deeper i'd just like to address some important things. first of all, this post is an analysis of canon, and thus everything i am arguing for is about my own interpretation of the show, and not some baseless projected headcanon i am projecting onto the character. please remember there is a difference between an interpretation (subjective; interpretations will differ from viewer to viewer, but ultimately it is firmly rooted in evidence taken from the source material) VS a headcanon (unrelated and often even contrary to what is presented in canon; opinions wildly differ and they cannot be argued for because there is no canonical evidence to back it up).
ALSO please note that nonbinary is an umbrella term. this means that it applies to a vast range of gender identities. other identities that fall under the nonbinary umbrella include agender, bigender, genderfluid, and so on. however, it's my personal preference to use the term nonbinary as it is, simply because i'm not a fan of microlabels (more power to you if you do like them and find they suit you more though!).
also, before anyone fights me on this, let me clarify further that gender means something different to everyone. it's not your biological sex or physical characteristics. but at the same time, gender is not mere presentation. you can be a trans woman and still present masculine—either because you're closeted and forced to, or because you just want to—and either way, that doesn't take away from your identity as a woman. same goes for trans men. if you're a trans man but you wear skirts and don't bind or don't get top surgery, that doesn't make you any less of a man. because gender non-conformity exists, and does not only apply to cis people! some lesbians are nonbinary and prefer using he/him pronouns while dressing masculinely, but that doesn't mean they're a man, or that they're any less of a lesbian. neither does this mean that they're a cis woman.
the thing about queer identities in general is that, like i said, they mean something different to everyone, because how you identify��regardless of your biological attributes and fashion or pronouns—is an extremely personal experience. so a nonbinary person and a gnc cis woman's experiences might have plenty of overlap, but what distinguishes between the two is up to the individual. there's no set requirements to distinguish you as one or the other, but it's up to you to decide what you identify as, based on what you feel. either way, by simply identifying yourself as anything under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, you are already communicating to the world that you are not what a conservative, cisheteronormative society wants you to be.
which is why i find all this queer infighting on labels to be so ridiculous. because we're all fighting the same fight; the common enemy is a societal structure that divides us into set roles and expectations purely based on our biological parts. that's why biological essentialism in the queer community is a fucking disease. because by arguing that women are inherently weak and fragile and soft and gentle and must be protected from evil ugly men, while men are inherently strong and angry and violent and exploitative of women, these people are advocating for the same fucked up system that marginalises and abuses women as well as effeminate and/or gay men.
anyway. i'm going on a tangent. this was meant to be a blue eye samurai post. so yeah back to that— the point i'm trying to make is that there's no singular way to identify as anything, as everyone's views on gender, especially their own, is specific and personal to the individual.
so with that being said, yes you can definitely interpret mizu as a gnc cis woman and that's a totally valid reading of the text. however, interpreting her as nonbinary or transmasc also doesn't take away from her experiences with misogyny and female oppression, because nonbinary and transmasc folks also experience these things.
me, personally, i view her as nonbinary but not necessarily or not always transmasc because i still believe femininity and womanhood is a very inherent part of who mizu is. for example, from what we've seen, she does not like binding. it does not give her gender euphoria, but is instead very uncomfortable for her both physically and mentally, and represents her suppressing her true self. which is why when she "invites the whole" of herself, she stands completely bare in front of the fire, breasts unbound and hair untied. when she is on the ship heading to a new land in the ending scene, she is no longer hiding her neck and the lack of an adam's apple. we can thus infer that mizu does not have body dysmorphia. she is, in fact, comfortable in her body, and relies on it extremely, because her body is a weapon. instead, what mizu hates about herself is her face—her blue eyes. she hates herself for her hybridised racial identity, hates herself for being a racial Other. hates that she has no home in her homeland. thus it is important to note that these are not queer or feminist themes, but postcolonial ones.*
* and as a tiny aside on this subject, i really do wish more of the fandom discussion would talk about this more. it's just such an essential part to reading her character. like someone who's read homi k bhabha's location of culture and has watched this show, PLEASE talk to me so we can ramble all about how the show is all about home and alienation from community. please. okay anyway—
nevertheless, queer and feminist themes (which are not mutually exclusive by the way!) are still prevalent in her story, though they are not the main issue that she is struggling with. but she does struggle with it to some extent, and we see this especially during her marriage with mikio, where we see her struggle in women's domestic spaces.
on the other hand, though, she finds no trouble or discomfort in being a man or being around other men—even naked ones—and does not seem stifled by living as one, does not seem all that bothered or uncomfortable navigating through men's spaces. contrast this to something like disney's mulan (1998), where we do see mulan struggle in navigating through men's spaces, as she feels uncomfortable being around so many men, always feeling like she doesn't belong and that she's inherently different from them. mizu has no such experiences like this, as her very personality and approach to life is what can be categorised as typically "masculine". she is straightforward and blunt. her first meeting with mikio, she tells him straight to his face that he's old while frowning and raising a brow at him. she approaches problems with her muscles and fists (or swords), rather than with her words or mind. compare this with mulan, who, while well-trained by the end of the movie, still uses her sharp wits rather than brute strength. this is a typically "feminine" approach. it's also the approach akemi relies on throughout the show—through her intelligence and persuasive tongue, she navigates the brothel with ease. mizu, in contrast to someone like mulan and akemi, struggles with womanhood and femininity, and feels detached from it.
thus, in my opinion, mizu is not simply a man, nor is she simply a woman. she is both. man and woman. masculine and feminine. she has to accept both, rather than suppress one or the other. her name means water. fluid.
as a side note, while i do believe mizu is nonbinary, i also primarily use she/her pronouns for her, but this is a personal preference. i find it's easier to use in fanfic (singular they is confusing to write stories with, but again, that's just my feelings on it, and this is coming from someone who uses they/they pronouns). i also lean towards she/her because it's what the creators and all the official promotional copywriting of the show uses. and even though i am a "death to the author" enjoyer, i feel that when interpreting things that are left open-ended, it does help to look at the creators' take on things. also because, in general, being nonbinary simply doesn't necessitate the use of they/them pronouns. nonbinary is not just a third gender. it's about breaking the binary, in any which way, and that's exactly what mizu does, constantly.
also, i'd also like to mention that one of show's head of story even referred to her with the term "nonbinary", rather than simply "androgynous" (see pic below). and it's possible this could be a slip up on his part, in which he believes the terms are interchangeable (they're not btw), but regardless i find it a very interesting word choice, and one that supports my argument.
so anyway yeah that's my incredibly long rambling post.
TL;DR nonbinary mizu rights 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 congrats if you reached the end of this btw. also ily. unless you're a TERF in which case fuck off. ok i'm done.
#shut up haydar#fandom.rtf#meta dissertations.pdf#mizu blue eye samurai#mizu bes#blue eye samurai#blue eye samurai meta#sorry if this is redundant btw i just cant stop thinking thoughts :3#btw i am a mixed* southeast asian who is also nonbinary. just in case that's important context#by mixed* i mean i'm asian+asian but diff ethnicities lol. i dont have a white bone in my body god bless<3#my whiteness is purely learned thru cultural osmosis + bcs my parents taught me english as a first language (boooo 🍅🍅🍅)#also i live in the global south so i think EYE know a thing or two about being gnc in a society of rigid awful gender roles‼️#so likeee i think its ridiculous that its an either-or thing#mizu can be nonbinary while still being a woman of colour ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#also ummm as much as i love queer themes and gay people i wish people would talk more about the racial otherness / community aspect#as mentioned in the post above#you don't need to read bhabha's whole book btw but just take a look at some of his ideas and you'll get what im talking about#like the fact that the fandom mostly ignores those themes in the story makes me feel like :( :/#cuz to me THATS the thing that spoke to me most and its a shame that its just not talked about enough#i mean i know why thats likely the case. but still.#whoops im rambling again 🤪
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It's kind of impressive how people can watch something, see a character repeatedly established as a liar and manipulator, and then believe stuff they say and take it as truthful or believe it makes them "more justified"
Like...Palpatine, proven liar, master manipulator, that's his PRIMARY CHARACTER TRAIT, badmouths the Jedi, and a bunch of viewers just went "yeah, that checks out".
Peter Hale, repeatedly said to be the least trustworthy person imagineable, Satan in a V-neck, makes claims about his own strength compared to Scott, and despite him definitely being a paper tiger, a bunch of viewers went, "yeah, that checks out." And write off Scott as far weaker than he actually is.
"Maybe Zaheer had a point" Uh...no shit, that was the problem. He was not wrong that the Earth Queen was a terrible ruler, but his solution of ANARCHY is not better, it's just a different type of problem. Just because someone can identify a systemic problem, doesn't mean you should trust them to have the solution. Republicans in modern America occasionally identify real problems, like a crisis with mental health. But their "solutions" are only going to make the problem WORSE. Just like Zaheer mudering an 18 year old currently doing her best to spread peace and prosperity is not justified just because the Earth Kingdom monarchy was a mistake...killing Korra is just making things even worse.
I got a little off track there, but I hope the point still came across...
#palpatine#peter hale#tlok zaheer#also there's something to be said about the fact that all three of these men were opposed by intelligent women#who don't receive nearly as much attention and also receive sexist hatred#but cross-fandom misogyny problems are not something my sorry gay boy ass is capable of deconstructing...#also tlok fans...to my knowledge most of you are normal and get that Zaheer is a pos#that bit is directed at the imbeciles who think zaheer airbending the breath out of the EQ's lungs qualifies him as a political theorist#who sadly actually exist#that reminds me i need to go rewatch lok...what was i talking about again?#hope any part of this made sense...i'm tired and should probably take a nap
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Which version of Rick is your fav?
it's so hard for me to choose tbh. HOWEVER, I'd say Evil Rick
then I'd say it's C-137 and Memory Rick
I love how pathetic™ Evil Rick really is tbh. love that he's being controlled by his Morty. can you guess who my favorite Morty is?
#the only reason why Evil is above C-137 and Memory is because#Memory's design is something I don't really like in the style of the show#his fanart makes him look so much cooler but in the show he just looks.. unfinished?#idk it's weird to me. I love him outside of that though#and with C-137. I'M SICK OF HIM LMAO I AM SO SORRY#there are too many fucking episodes dedicated to this man. pushing everyone else aside just to have him yap about his dead wife#I love him so much but there's only so many times we can bring Diane up and not really develop her as a character but rather to boost Rick#and the show is Rick and MORTY yet all I see is Rick 😭😭 don't get me wrong I love this man#I just feel like we know more about Rick than the rest of the family#WHICH IS FINE IF THAT WAS WHAT THEY WERE GOING FOR#and if they wanted to go in that direction so be it! it's fine!#I just feel like he needs less screen time or at least balance episodes among the family#cause even the most recent Morty episode is about Rick. it was so frustrating watching it cause it's literally MORTY'S fear hole experience#yet we're watching Morty's head canons about his grandparents#I also hate the narrative they took with Diane. only ever having Rick talk of her or others bring her up#it just doesn't make her a character but rather an extension off of Rick. that's how I'm feeling rn with the family#they're all just there to prop up Rick or something. super annoying#but that's about it. I'm not gonna continue my rant#unless you want me to?#idk if I even made sense but that's all good#rick and morty#rick and morty fandom#rick#memory rick#evil rick#C-137#Rick Sanchez
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Man! I feel bad about being not as present for bookclub as I was last year, and also about how behind on messaging/responding to peeps between migraines and health stuff I am, but the community here and support and kindness has been amazing even as I feel like I'm letting everyone down, and I've just gotta say:
Thank you <3
#It has been a DAY but everyone is just fun and cool and idk man you guys are great#I got shaken up because I got jumpscared seeing someone who was suddenly a jerk after like a year of talking?#Even though I blocked them??? WHY TUMBLR??????#I had to run that situation and full screenshots through a few friends to feel sane about that one#And it made me question whether I'm in the right space or not#But y'all have gotten me through a lot#And I hope I've helped a few people get through some things too#There are bad eggs in every fandom#But this one has SO MUCH kindness#OK SORRY FOR RAMBLING#Had to take one of my meds that makes me loopy#BUT TL;DR YOU GUYS ARE GREAT AND I'M THANKFUL FOR U GUYS#AND I DON'T SAY IT ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!#Yadda yadda#Now back to your regularly scheduled not-super-present-ness
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Honestly, getting real tired carrying and supporting other folks around here when most of them aren't returning the favor...
#i'm two seconds away from nuking everything in my queue and drafts out of spite#but i don't feel good about that bc there's innocent collateral#this is tumblr‚ the place you're supposed to fucking share the stuff that your friend's and other people are making#and i get it‚ it's not possible to like and reblog everything here‚ i understand that and i'm not expecting that#it just sucks constantly feeling like no one gives a shit about the stuff you're proud of and put effort into‚ y'know?#there's an entire subsection of this fandom that basically ignores any vper that isn't running modded on pc#which is like half the fucking fandom and i definitely pissed some of those people off just for choosing who i associate with#i've been writing in this fandom for three years now and i still don't feel like i have any fucking writing friends#or a good place to get technical support#the writing associates i do have either don't read anything i write or when they do won't comment for some inexplicable reason#(if you're an author on ao3 you know‚ first hand‚ damn well how much comments mean to authors‚ so what's the deal?)#(if you actually don't like it‚ it's fine‚ don't even touch the kudos button‚ no one has to know you were there)#i'm traumatized from my previous discord experiences and am very reluctant to let people into my circle without vetting them first#even tumblr communities is a struggle for me because it still feels a like a popularity/social influence contest#and i know i'm fucking slow#sue me for having a life outside of the internet and wanting to be mindful and thoughtfully engaged with other people's artwork#i talk to people in the tags#i've been leaving comments on every fic i read now#i'm not expecting people to bend over backwards for me#but fostering community and friendships requires mutual exchange#and it's shitty feeling like you're generosity is constantly being fucking wasted#i'm trying to keep it fun around here but a lot aren't helping with that and this isn't a job for one person#sorry not sorry for the rant but i've been feeling very salty about this as of late#i know the holidays can be stressful and the fandom in general has been slowly shrinking which has probably exacerbated these issues#a lot of folks have moved on#but these issues have always been here and they aren't magically going to go away unless people work on them#i'm not expecting anything i make to break the bank at this point but when your friends won't even put your crappy art on the fridge anymor#like why are we here?#i also don't understand the people who are following me but never interact with anything i make???#rambling into the void
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14, 15, 25 for end of year! 🩵
thank you so much for the questions!! :D
a fic you didn’t expect to write: oh my god, so many of them honestly. I wrote several fics for birthdays and those were all planned. but in april I started writing a fic with a (somewhat flighty) friend of mine that I definitely didn't expect to write and honestly probably never expected to write but that also might not ever see the light of day bc rn I'm stuck waiting for her to write a section and it's been months. so WE SHALL SEE I think the biggest surprises (aside from the aforementioned WIP) all happened in the second half of the year. I didn't expect to write a rugan fic (DIDN'T KNOW HE COULD STAY ALIVE FOR SOOOOO LONG) and I definitely didn't expect to write the two nancy drew fics that I wrote after the one I wrote for my sister. one of them (the thanos one) was less of a surprise since it had been a wip for almost a decade. but the other one (the grigor one) was a huge surprise since that one had only been plotted out (somewhat) for almost a decade. that said, aside from the probably-forever-wip fic, the biggest surprise of them all is the one that I'm currently writing (albeit very slowly) that will also take a metric fuckton of coding before I can start posting it, so that won't start being posted until sometime next year. the huge surprise there is that I never expected to get into stardew valley, let alone to write fic for it... eight years after it first came out, but that's just how it goes sometimes... honestly, if I had more time right now and wasn't spending the vast majority of my days doing phd research and writing my dissertation, I'd be spending all of my time on that fic just bc it's so damn fun to write. I can't wait for people to get to read that one :D
something you learned this year: this is a good question. I don't think that I learned anything huge but I feel like I learned a lot of little things: I found that I will always be able to surprise myself in one way or another. I really like experimenting with different things and seeing what works out. there's less fear in that for me than other people (apparently) seem to feel, and that knowledge does feel pretty liberating, honestly! I learned that I am a lot funnier than I give myself credit for, or rather than I was always told I was growing up. and I learned that I am not only capable of writing longfic, sometimes longficitis strikes me when it used to be something that I worried I wouldn't be able to make happen. which, in terms of problems to have, is honestly not a bad thing at all :D I also learned that I care a lot less these days about having an actual audience so long as I'm writing what I want to write. like, no one is out there reading my nancy drew fics, and that's fine. I doubt anyone will be reading the stardew valley fic this long after the game came out. and the fic I'm writing with my friend is even less likely to go anywhere. but that's okay! because I'm enjoying myself and that's what matters!!
a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read: this one also isn't easy. I honestly don't read a ton of fic (especially while I'm writing something myself or busy working) but I will end up with small periods where I read loads of it. my tastes for fic esp can also be a bit all over the place, so I'll list a few (since I know I have a lot of friends from different fandoms on here): Kingdom Come: Deliverance - Hans Capon/Henry of Skalitz - in character and it gets the dynamics right. doesn't make either of them too weepy or too assholeish. just insanely well-done Dragon Age II - Carver/F!Hawke - I am starved for more Carver/Hawke smut but this one is amaaaaaazing and the most in character it could ever possibly be. bathroom sex leading to bedroom sex Dragon Age II - Fenris/F!Hawke - sex pollen and a rescue. just a delicious and super ic well-written fic Resident Evil 2 Remake - Leon Kennedy/Claire Redfield - hhhhh I also yearn for more good porn of them but this really hits the spot. post-canon motel room sex. just really really good all around Baldur's Gate 3 - Durgetash - fellow zhent book club members will have already read this fic but it's by far my favorite iteration of their dynamic that I've seen And then there's the fic that I reread about once a quarter at least because it is simply a Perfect Fic, which was a present from my sister to me for my birthday (very belated present) some years ago: Persona 5 - Yusuke Kitagawa/Ann Takamaki
full list of questions is here!
#if anyone wants to inquire about the fic that may never see the light of day they absolutely can#I just don't want to get anyone's hopes up about that fic#that said I don't think anyone would care all too much since it is an ancient fandom with hardly anyone in it SO WHO KNOWS#WHOOOOOOO KNOWS#also SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG#all of these felt like I had so much to say about each of them I FEEL BAD fjkla;ghkfaj#also I'm#uh#really really picky with fic so#this is a HEAVILY curated list#I wanted to include a fic for pentiment but#there are no finished pentiment fics for my ship :')#just the way it goes#tam talks
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Lately I've only been wishing to grab a comic about my favorite character and just have a genuinely good time reading it.
#I can't remember the last time I took a Deadpool comic and genuinely had a good time about it#I hate the direction they took with his character and it's so disrespectful that I don't even talk about I don't even think *any* Deadpool#fan genuinely talk about it because were so tired of his kids characterization we all just collectively decided to ignore whatever hell#marvel through at him#but rant aside#it's just–#I am not sure if comic books are fun anymore I don't even know who I am making content for half of the people on my notes haven't touched#comic book and aren't pretending to do so#people who read the comics tend to be so mean or bitter about it that even if you follow most will be angry about something#comic or fan related and I don't know if I can blame them but following that is draining#and as much as I was trying to be a good sport about it you make a post about comic book characters and#and the overwhelming response is 'I don't read the comics but'– following up by a take about them that doesn't even recognize any core#aspect of their personality that you can't even grasp you can't even recognize them#you can't recognize them on tue cannon you can't recognize them on the fannon#and no matter how engaging you try to make content about the fandom people just–*refuse* to read it. And then– they *refuse* to tag fannon#content as fannon#and *refuse* to leave either#Yes we are all having fun but how can a character tag be so so filled with people who have no idea of who they are#how can a character can be properly loved and take care of and have content that respect them if no one makes any attempt to *know them*#and it's disheartening because *comics* are supposed to be fun *fannon are supposed to be fun*#but for aome reason it's really *really* hard to have fun here anymore#I created this page to share my love for the characters I care about and see more content of people who care about them too#but I can't even *find* people who care about them any more and when I do they're all so angry and upset– And I *cant even blame them*#I just... I don't know why I am doing this anymore or for who I am doing this anymore#sorry to vent but it's been a while since I haven't been had a genuinely good time™ enjoying comics#I don't think even people who write those comics enjoy those comics or care about those characters#Sometimes feels like everyone is projecting on those characters rather than *writing about them*. And I can't find them anymore#fanfics used to be about love petters to characters who you love#nowadays seems like a competition to see who makes more funny words with tropes pre-written since 2007#vent
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