#sorry i’m under control
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Just got back from seeing Sonic 3 and HOOOOOOLY SHIT y’all. Oh my fucking god. OH my god. Ohhhh my g o d
#IT. WAS. PHENOMENAL. PERFECTION. LITERALLY EVERYTHING I COULD HAVE ASKED FOR#SPOILERS AHEAD IN THE TAGS BEWARE#They gave us Shadow on a motorcycle. Shadow with a GUN. Shadow flexing by POPPING OFF HIS LIMITER RINGS LIKE A BADASS#AND!!! THE MOST GORGEOUS CREATURE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY GODDAMN LIFE. HOMIE WENT SUPER SHADOW AND HE WAS G L O R I O U S#THE LIGHT FUR…..THE SPARKLES…..THE GLOWINGGGGG!! HE WAS GLOWING!!!!!!#WE GOT LIVE AND LEARN!!!!! WE GOT LIVE AND LEARN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ALSO genuine family bonding? Sonic Team bonding? SONADOW BONDING???#Shadow’s little smiles during the flashbacks with Maria MY GOD I WAS GOING TO BLOW UP.#Shadow did the Akira slide on his bike and I said repeatedly under my breath I’m not a furry I’m not a furry I’m NOT a furry#I’M NOT I SWEAR#I’M JUST A HARDCORE SHADOW GIRLIE#Homie had me swooning tho I WILL NOT LIE!!!#I felt so bad for my friends I was probably insufferable for the entire film I tried SO hard to reign my fangirling back#I squealed and stimmed a LOT. SORRY Y’ALL THE AUTISM LEAPT OUT. THAT WAS BEYOND MY CONTROL#OH AND THE END?????? METAL SONIC??? A M Y??????#I KNEW they were gonna tease Amy I had a feeling#Also also it was so funny as we were walking out of the theater this guy was like ‘TAKE THAT OBAMA!!!’ and waited for an answer#And then he was like okay nobody got that. But then I said ‘I PISSED ON THE MOON YOU IDIOT!!’ and he started CHEERING LMAOOO#That movie was a religious experience. For ME. I feel like I’ve ascended to heaven#I’m so. Fucking happy right now I’m SO happy it was so good I’m going to cry#I love you Shadow the Hedgehog I love you Sonic the Hedgehog I’m going to break apart literally right now#Also one more BIG thing but I’m putting that in a separate post. Hold on.#Shima speaks#Sonic 3#Sonic#Sonic the Hedgehog#Sonic movie 3#Sonic spoilers
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After a fight 😚
#sasunaru#narusasu#sns#naruto#you’re really lucky i was around to save your sorry bastard ass!#excuse me I’M not the idiot who decided to catch a sword with my guts#HEY i had everything perfectly under control!#if by ‘under control’ you meant ‘needed a one-armed man to patch you up before your insides became outsides’ then yes yes you did#my fanart
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sun hasn’t even risen yet and I’m feeling so emotional about how Dan is living proof that growth takes time but is so worth it and sometimes you don’t work through the hard stuff until you’re well into adulthood bc just getting by took enough energy and you simply didnt have the tools yet and we now know that things got so dark for him and im sure the darkness will come again bc that’s how these things go but now he’s smiling with his crows feet and laugh lines and silly clothes bc now he can love his body enough to put it in silly outfits before going out into the world and he’s goofy and playful and in love and idk guys life can be so defeating and it sure was for him at times but here he is this gleaming imperfect beautiful example of work and growth and acceptance and self love
#love you Dan I’m sorry that I’m such a sap about Dan#but idk man it’s 15 yrs and he was just a boy and then he was just a scared mess#trying to keep everything under control#and now he doesn’t have to bc he’s safe in himself#and Liam’s dead and maybe that tangentially has something to do with how I’m feeling#bc man I’ve lost so many people to mental illness#and I know it’s so complicated and to use that broad stroke categorization to describe something so personal is simply wrong#but it’s also not all that complicated we just need to feel safe and worthy and loved and need to have enough space in our psyche for hope#enough space to imagine a tomorrow. and when you don’t have that it’s so hard to just keep on trudging through the mess. but it is worth it#and the fog clears#dan and phil#dan howell#me yapping
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The masterful Mr Spock
That’s kinda hot honestly
#I’m sorry that was hot I don’t make the rules#wonder what would’ve happened if Kirk hadn’t stayed totally still#god imagine feeling how Spock feels in this moment and trying to pull yourself together after the platonians pull you apart#holding on to the most important person in your life until you can get the furious rage under control#star trek tos#star trek novels#spock#jim kirk#plato’s stepchildren#star trek 11#james blish
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Steel Wool doing their best to continue to show/tell us that Monty killed Bonnie without just outright telling us and yet people are still just like “wE dOnT kNoW!1!” is both hilarious and sad
#fnaf#fnaf help wanted#help wanted 2#help wanted 2 spoilers#Glamrock Bonnie#montgomery gator#I just feel bad for steel wool at this point#I’m so sorry so many people don’t have basic media literacy#‘Monty was under Vanny’s control’ literally why would she get rid of Bonnie#Bonnie would be another animatronic under her belt to use in sb#and the Gator gold mini game and Ruin tells us that Monty’s jealous of Freddy#so killing Bonnie would be the best way to get into the band#also the animatronics are basically sentient
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Hana, not only have you broken my dashboard and lived in my walls, now you’re invading my “for you” page 😭😭😭😭😭
It happened to you too Seabee?!? 😭😭
What???? Omg??
I swear I only volunteered to live in your walls and dashboard, I have no idea what’s going on with the FYP 😂😭
I don’t even use the fyp so I don’t even know how that works agsjsjs
I’m sorry for invading your page 🫡🙇♀️ it must be all the cute aesthetics, fairy core, and diasomnia posts you make and of course you being you, they keep summoning me 😆😅
It’s very comfy on your blog 🥹💚💞
…I’m kind of curious if this is happening to anyone else…😂😅
This is kind of funny and I’m smiling 😂😆💞
Should I own up to the bit as they say? Should I declare myself as the Queen of the FYP 🤔👑
I have come for all your FYPs mwahaha Absjsjshs
Jkjk 😂😂
#answered#🌺Seabee🌺#I’m sorry Seabee I swear I have no control over it I swear#I don’t know why this is causing me to grin#but I swear I don’t control it 😂😭💞#🌷lovely messages🌷#putting it under that tag because it got a laugh and smile out of me#im still laughing 💞💞😂😂
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I’m probably deeply biased because he is played by Rahul Kohli but I’m on the 4th episode of The Fall of the House of Usher and I’m finding Leo Usher significantly more sympathetic than his siblings
#NO SPOILERS PAST EP 4 PLEASEEEEE#oh he cheats? and he does drugs? and he sucks as a person?#like yeah of course he does he’s a trust fund baby#and yes he killed that cat. but I feel like he wouldn’t have killed that cat if Verna wasn’t in control#like everyone else is Truly Horrible#they abuse their subordinates and sexually manipulate them#or they plan to blackmail people with cctv footage of consensual sex acts and drug use including their sister in law#or LET A WOMAN POSSIBLY DIE IN SURGERY WHEN THEY THINK SHE’S A POOR PERSON WITH A HEART DEFECT AND LIE TO HER ABOUT THE CHANCE OF DEATH#LIKE VICTORINE IS EVIL IM SORRY SHE MAY BE HOT BUT SHE’S EVIL#sorry leo you didn’t deserve to die like that you were a grade a asshole but I could see there was a heart and a kindness#buried under the drugs and your father’s influence and money. rehab and therapy and being cut off could have saved you#I’m not questioning Verna. but I’m saying hey honey maybe this one. this one could have been a better fix#YO VERNA GAY???? WIN#the fall of the house of usher#leo usher
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will get to all your lovely replies asap but for now let me get down the mood with my usual
fuck but i really do hate this month and everything it represents or better the fact that each single year it gets just more miserable
#i’m sorry fuck i wish i liked christmas i do#but i haven’t felt anything close to enjoyment of the period since what was it right ten exact years#every single fucking one of them it just got MORE fucking depressing#we dont talk about covid times because god i wish i could delete them from my existence#two years ago it was just depressing af#last year for a miracle it was halfway okay and hey managed to spend one with the grandmother for once#except she died three months later and this one it will be….. meh but the rest of the month has been a total nervewreck already#but of course EVERYWHERE around you is like JOYOUS TIME EVERYONE IS HAPPY SEASON OF MAGIC#as it is i’mma have to do half of the presents in january ffs#ah right forgot today was the anniversary of the other grandmother dying#and the entire first week is anniversary of 2020 nervous wreck of doom so hey that’s all fine#yeah that happened no i had no plans to mention it good luck to me wanting to move over that specific instance ig#i just wanna stop feeling stuck in being miserable until december 26th arrives and i can hope to get my shit under control the year after#yeah sorry for the pity party i’m just not feeling great whatsoever add feeling totally useless to the list and here we are#i’mma just go catch up on replies now just god now i feel like crap bc the moment i opened the app i just vomited out negativity g r e a t#personal for ts#janie rants
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I need to commit murder I think that would fix me
#sorry my brain is screaming and scratching at me for no reason#I haven’t even had a full week of school yet I don’t know why I’m so stressed#like there’s a lot of stuff but I have it all under control so I have no idea why my brain is so angry and stressed#like the simplest things are setting me off like my parents are just talking to me normally and I feel like screaming at them#and the fact that I’m stressed for no reason just makes me even more angry because like why?!?!?#girl there is nothing wrong why are you upset???#I have no idea why school is affecting me so much this year I’ve done this for like eleven years you think I’d be used to it#whatever it’s my last year I can do it#if the captain can survive a war I can survive school lmao
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sad (angry) girl hours under the cut
sorry to like. get in my feelings publicly online but i wish i didn’t harbor some bones-deep jealousy and resentment of girls who i think are pretty in the ways i wish i were pretty.
like. people i love and respect can tell me i’m pretty all day long but it doesn’t change the fact that I Don’t Fucking See It In Myself. and when i see girls who are pretty in the ways i want to be, who have cute faces and don’t need makeup to look pretty and have hips and whose body fat sits on them in nice feminine ways. and this isn’t even like. jealousy of cis girls, it’s trans girls who have it in the way i want to have it too. nor does it affect whether i think others are attractive, it’s just a standard i hood myself against because fundementally I’m Not The Way I Want To Be and i can’t change it.
maybe i could bear it if it was just jealousy but it comes with an anger i can feel making me bitter and resentful of my sisters and i don’t want to feel that way towards them!i want to look at other girls who i think are cute in the way i wish i was cute an feel happy for them.
i want to look in the mirror and feel happy for myself.
#vent#sorry this is stupid and if i’m smart i’ll delete it in the morning but let’s be real i’m not smart.#it’s just almost 2 in the morning and i should be asleep because i have to pack and get ready in the morning and instead i’m sitting here#stewing in my own jealousy and i have never and maybe will never be able to shake it. never be able to turn off that critical voice that#tells me i need to do better even when it’s not a thing under my control.#i just wish i was Like That and not Like This.#ugh.#anyway.
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the class i took abt black american literature and fugitivity in american art this past semester was incredible. like truly diving deep into how blackness has always been inextricable from americanness in every aspect of society, how black stories and art have always been so potent and beautiful that white ppl have done everything in their power throughout history to take those narratives and themes for themselves in pale imitations… and even though i had always known that black artists shaped american culture as we know it, i never rlly had the structure or framework of analysis (or even resources) to look at literature and films throughout american history and see the through-lines starting from even before the united states was officially founded… even concepts like “the road” in literature, art, film, music, etc, which is extremely tied to american ideals of freedom, travel, and “the frontier” (so to speak), have always had the underpinnings of considering who is not allowed the same access to the road, or who has access but only in a very limited or modified capacity (such as escaping slavery, in particular). and once you start reading and watching and listening with all this in mind it becomes impossible to unsee, especially with 20th century works
#sorry my english major is pulling on the leash in a big way rn but i’m getting her under control#but i wld love to keep talking abt this and literature in general if anyone cares🫶#and i can also share some great sources abt ‘the road’ as an american archetypes and abt black fugitivity in general#*archetype#from my syllabus and from the research/work i did for the class
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Gotta be one of the coolest Dragon Prince seasons ever, my god 🌊💔🧞📚🧜🏼♀️🎣🏴☠️🪵👶🏻
#The Dragon Prince#Jeeeeeeez#The first four eps were a bit rocky for me#But after 5 it was nonstop goodness#Like when we went to Scumport it was just MMMMMM#Finnegrin is a great villain#Could’ve been more piratey if I’m honest#But like the glow toad story and like how they developed his need for control was so well done#Nyx coming back was a nice touch#And like the final fights??? So good#Janai and Amaya vs Karim and Kim’dael was very epic#Although MIYANA I— *sighs deeply*#Zubeia so sorry girl shouldn’t have happened to you#And when she thought of Avizandum AUGH#And then the coolest was Callum Ezran and Rayla vs Claudia#Veryyyyy cool#Although she was like “I’m not evil this is just who I am >:D!” And then proceeded to strangle Ezran#Girl that definitely falls under the category of evil#And like the final scenes we got of everyone were so impactful#But again for something titled “Mystery of Aaravos” why’s he only in one (1) scene!?!?!?!#Anyway yes TDP very good everyone go watch
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Polite voice can only get you so far until some lady starts yelling at you at 8:30a in the morning what 😦
#please I am just a simply data guy I don’t have control over the company lmaooo 😭#she was MAD MAD OMGOSH ALDGAKDHSJS#me: ‘I understand I can take a mess—‘ her: NO YOU DON’T UNDER STAND 🤬#me: maybe I don’t 😦#I licherally can’t control ppl who are away in a meeting and I’m like 1+hour away from the main office lmao#I’m the only one in this branch atm by my lonesome 😭#sorry to my boss who I had to transfer that call to 😦#ehn rambles
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Hm.
#had a dream about ex-besties again#and when I said ‘I’m sorry hearing briefly about the ab*se I was being subjected to at home and my parent’s su*cide attempts were so#annoying and boring for you. you were my only people I could trust#to open up to in the moment while I was panicking and having to very much#confront the fact that my parent was going to die.#but I’m sorry it was irritating or whatever.’#I was so right#I know friends do not exist as therapists but#I do not see how you can be all ‘oh my guy that’s awful but this this and this are ab*sive behaviours. you act this was because you are#traumatised here read this yeah yeah we need to get you out of there yeah’#one day and then the next just#cut me out like I’m some sort of cancer#if at any point they’d said hey I don’t have the emotional bandwidth rn I’m sorry#I’d have been so understanding and shut the fuck up#genuinely! I get it!#but I don’t see how you can have a friend#who is going through so much and none of it is under their control#who still manages to be there for everyone else when they’re having problems at home including you#who just once every few months needs to go ‘oh shit I need someone to talk to if you’re not busy rn/if you can deal w that atm’ in a LITERAL#CRISIS where they have no one else to lean on#and who will need support if they’re going to eventually leave home#and go ‘meh whatever I’m going to end the friendship in the worst and most damaging way I can think of lol’????#like?? everyone else around me is like oh just move on move on#but I’m just going over and over it in my head#How can you know the wounds and then drive the knife in anyway?#I don’t think people understand like I don’t let anyone close because this is what happens#and so to trust#more than you’ve ever trusted anyone ever#and have them suddenly disappear? without a word?
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want to pop in and say im alive!! barely, but im still here!
i’ve been swamped with some real hard-ass frighteningly-real-life shit that have all decided to show up all at once.
for me writing is something i find time for because it’s completely therapeutic but right now i’ve been having to delegate my time to some not-so-fun stuff and i haven’t had the time to write. im hoping that changes soon but just want to give y’all a heads up that there’ll be (even more) of a lull in the near future :( but the light at the end of the tunnel is that krcg will 100% be completed—i have everything mapped out and it’s just the logistics of time that stands between me and the story being completed!
#if I could quit my big girl job and just write 24/7 I would#I’m already up until 4 doing it so what’s the difference#I haven’t had time to even edit the next chapter and it’s killlinnnnggf me#I have all these thoughts and lines and my notes app is overflowing with them bc I haven’t been able to sit down and actually write#I’m about to burst#so sorry I’ll be MIA until I get my irl shit under control which is a good thing bc then I’ll be able to have this under control#say a little prayer for me#also pls don’t be nasty in the ask im literally human and trying my best™️#thank you all for sticking with me <3#hoping to sneak in some time here and there to edit for this next chapter
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love and peace to you, today I’m practicing the tumblr ritual of saving everything to drafts to reblog later because I’m currently lacking in self to express
#csm site I use hasn’t update with the new chapter yet… have heard horrible things and am excited#have you guys heard about the new speaker of the house? he’s awful. legitimately scary. I want to move out of the us.#Fundie Fridays and Some More News both did videos on him#fuck american politics#my thoughts#meposting#personal#vent#sometimes I forget that I’m not having a good time in my living environment.#wondering why I feel so empty and unacceptable while I’m living under an ultimatum to either (re-)closet myself or move out#and like… I can’t isolate myself but I also don’t want to subject my friends to my company bc. I don’t feel good.#I’m having a hard time feeling present and pleasant and thoughtful. and I want to be a better friend than that.#and I’m backsliding on my communication and boundary-setting skills too bc I feel less safe. I’ve. had my trust betrayed by the ‘rents ig#so now I feel like I did when I was younger — that I exist for others rather than with. which is scary.#loss of perceived control over myself my relationships#sorry for the overshare it’s something I’m very good at doing and do often. world champ!#fuck… think I’m going to go up to stay with my aunts for a couple extra days I’m tired of feeling stuck here
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