#sorry i made y'all cry

[brewed-pangolin]

I really need to get up and get busy.

But there's a cat sitting on my chest, so I guess this is my life now.

[diathadevil]

Day 7 - Scatter

His biggest fear.

(Bonus doodle underneath because I felt bad for Fakir so I ended up making this into a dream sequence comic :'] )

[mikichko]

⛔ this blog is 18+ !! minors and ageless blogs please dni ⛔

soulmates au - your scars show up on your soulamtes body cw: angst, implied character death, mentions of injury, this whole thing has a big focus on scars so please approach it carefully

Johnny gets his first scar when he’s just barely 10 years old. It’s not a traditional scar either but something more jagged and rushed. Like someone had been in a hurry to pierce the skin and get through. It’s on his lower right abdomen, a thick horizontal line with three, thinner, evenly spaced lines. Just a few centimeters below there’s another miniscule scar, another horizontal line. 

That night he learns about appendicitis. Learns how the dull aches he’d been feeling in his belly were a result of an internal organ failing within. When his parents ask him how long he’d been feeling the dull, ghost-like, aches their eyes widen at his response. His mother immediately dropping to inspect his scar, looking for any sort of color difference that would stand out along his already pale skin. 

On that same night Johnny understands that you never want your scars to turn white. Ever.

You’re six when you get your first ghost scar. One that’s not yours but it is in some odd special way. You don’t quite grasp the idea of fate and soulmates yet but, you can understand that someone getting hurt reflects on you. 

When you notice the newly adorned scar on your chin you let out a pitiful scream. Your mother rushes to you, thinking you wounded, only to find your small fingers tracing the newly scarred skin. You’re trembling, eyes wet with tears, as you continue to inspect the marked skin.

“Oh sweetie, did your ghost give you a fright?” She reaches for you, hands moving to cradle your face. You’re unable to speak, teeth clenched as you try to such in air. “It’s alright sweetheart, looks like he had a little tumble.” Her fingers press the area around your chin gently, “See how it blends in? That means he’s okay. It probably hurts a little but he’s alright. Don’t you worry”

It still tugs at your little heart to know that your ghost is out there, hurt without any help. What if his momma isn’t there like yours? Or if he’s alone? Will he have someone to help him with the hurt the way your momma does with you?

Your mother brushes your tears away, interrupting your train of thought. She chatters about the birds outside, how she needs your help feeding them, and distracts you from all thoughts about your lonely hurt ghost.

Johnny amasses more scars over the years. Small ones across the bridge of his nose, underneath his left eyebrow, one right above his knee. He even gets the hint of a burn on his left calf. They marr his skin, their color just barely present against his complexion. His mother shakes his head every time she sees him with a new scar, a playful smile on her lips, “Got yourself an active one did you, Johnny?”

He laughs it off, kissing the side of her temple. He thinks of them as gifts, reminders that you’re out there in the world making your way to him. He worries sometimes that you might think him dead, a singular scar on your chin to remind you of him. But he reminds himself that your scars have not yet lost their color, have not become the absence of color just yet. 

His newest one comes just as he starts basic training. He’d have missed it if it weren’t for the phantom sting he feels when it comes in. It’s on the back of his foot, a crooked vertical scar running along the fibular bone. He can’t even control the surprised laugh that escapes him. It’s baffling how without having met you yet you manage to entertain him so much. Bringing him so much comfort in having parts of you with him. You’ve even brought him some close friends, your marks a conversation starter for everyone he’s come across.

His fingers trace the scar, warm water pouring over his back as he inspects the new piece of mauled skin. “Oh lass, always a creative one aren’t ye?”

A hiss escapes you before you can register the dull ache on your right bicep. Not one, but two new scars are now companions to the sole scar on your chin. 

An entry and exit wound, your mother tells you when you seek her out. Her fingers trace the edges of the new circular scars, eyebrows pulled together as she inspects. You’re barely 17, and not one to seek out trouble, but it seems your partner is. You can see the worry lines etched into her face as she moves her fingers along the slight divot in your newly damaged skin. A gunshot wound, she tells you, clean shot. 

Your stomach drops at that, an uneasy feeling coming over you. They, whoever they were, were in danger. One way or another, violence had found it’s way into their lives. You’d had questions before, mostly due to the lack of scarring and whether or not they were alive, but you’ve gotten confirmation now. Not only were they still alive but being harmed. You’re left to wonder whether or not they brought this on themselves. If this shift will bring any other scars.

Sometime after your mother talks with you about the unfortunate ones. About what love looks like for those who lose their ghosts early in life.

You alter Johnny’s flesh a few more times. Three large scars run along the side of his right thigh, right above the knee up until just a few centimeters from the halfway point of his thigh. Phantom ankle pains that he’s gotten familiar with accompany these scars. He laughs when he tells Ghost that you have weak ankles, probably couldn’t last a damn day out there with them. Ghost snorts at him, tells him he needs to focus on making your knees weak instead. Johnny shoves him, “Is exactly why ye get to meet her last. Cannae have you givin’ me a bad reputation.”

Months later you unknowingly bless the team with the happiest Johnny they’ve seen to date. When Gaz inquires he proudly shows off the four new dots that mark his upper left cheek. “They have a cat!” Gaz laughs, ruffling the little tufts of hair that Johnny has. Finally, he gets a small glimpse into your life. He spends the helicopter ride wondering all about you and your feline friend. Names him Chomp and wonders if they’d get along in the end.

The last scars you give Johnny are three tiny pinprick scars along his abdomen. Barely there, Price tells him they’re usually associated with a cholecystectomy, a gallbladder removal. A sense of dread overcomes him as he sits down to read about it, hands absentmindedly rubbing over the new dot on his sternum. It’s the second time that you’ve undergone a major surgery and Johnny can’t escape the distress that settles into his bones.

As he grew he’d learned there was a great chance that you could have passed had your appendectomy not been done in time. None of the other scars had been large enough indicators of anything serious, merely skin wounds. But this, he’s suddenly eighteen again, grappling not only with his own morality but yours as well. 

He’s come to terms with the fact he could die long ago, it’s part of the job, but Johnny doesn’t think that he could stomach the idea of dying without meeting you. To go his entire life waiting in anticipation for your stories to never hear them. Never feel your touch, hear your voice, feel your heartbeat, see your face. He’s gotten used to tucking the feeling away. Never letting it bubble up even when pinned down. But in moments like this he’s faced with the reality of it all and he realizes that he’d only ever considered the possibility of him dying first.

Never you.

It’s not a dull ache this time, but a burning sensation across the entirety of your forehead. It feels like someone had stabbed you or seared something into your skin. 

You scramble out of your bed, not bothering to turn on the lights, rushing to the bathroom solely by memory. Your skin screams at you in protest and as your hands scramble to turn on the cold water you realize the searing pain isn’t contained to your forehead, but the back of your head as well. Splashing some water on your forehead with one hand, you clumsily look for the light switch with the other. Flipping the switch, you blink rapidly forcing your eyes to adjust as quickly as possible. Your eyes finally focus and instantly you wish they hadn’t.

barely two centimeters in diameter, in the center of your forehead, is a gunshot wound. Your wet hand reaches around to the back of your head, patting around until it finds the sweltering skin there too. 

A clean shot.

Your body reacts first, tears already filling your eyes, as you try to process the new markings on your skin. He’s shot, again. In trouble, again. But it’s more than just trouble now, it’s a goddamn headshot. He couldn’t have survived that.

“No.” Your hand reaches for the mirror as if willing the scar to disappear, “No, goddammit, no! I didn’t even-” 

The loss of heat along your head makes you freeze, as if staying still will prevent the fate you’ve been dealt. You watch in realtime as the scar settles, blending into your skin, before finally they begin to lose color. On your forehead, chin, and bicep, the three scars turn a colorless shade of white. The final indicator of a soul now passed. 

Finally, the tears fall, leaving a wet path behind. Your hands grip the still running sink as you stare into the mirror.

“I didn’t even get a chance to meet you.”

a/n: this scratched my brain so good in the shower so you get it. unedited I just word vomited. smoochies!!!!

star banners by @/saradika

[dollypopup]

"Colin should have grovelled more!" "Penelope folded too easily"

I think statements like this typically come from people who like Penelope. . .but don't really understand her. And don't really understand just why she cares for Colin, and just why him groveling would not in any way bring her peace.

Penelope and Colin are kindred spirits in their loneliness, in season 3 more than any others. Penelope had lost her friendship with Eloise, and Colin didn't really have a close friend circle to begin with. Except with Pen. Pen was the person he could put the mask down for, could open up to, (in particular with their 'dreams' discussion) and that's why he couldn't even entertain the idea of giving up talking to her in Season 2. She is a vital part of his life, and holds so much significance and importance to him.

I imagine that's what made their silence over his travels especially painful for him. They spent such a long time talking after Season 1, and he even informs her that her letters were so encouraging, that it helped him heal something inside of himself. That if she could see him in a gentle way. . .so could he. (And he repays this, because he is honest to god out here acting and looking at her like she hung the moon in the sky). But without her presence in his life, he spiraled. Didn't feel confident in being who he is, and thus put on his persona more firmly. We know this because he wrote in his journal that "I want to be less needy, less insecure, while still maintaining the core of my vulnerability that makes me who I am". That he misses his family, that he misses home.

And we know, from the books, that Home? Home is Penelope. Penelope is his North Star, is his guiding force, and who I argue he feels he needs. In his very first scene, he looks toward her house, tries to find her in the window. When he does not, he returns to his family. In the outdoor gathering, he looks for her and finds her, eager to talk. He states aloud that he misses her, and I imagine he wrote it, too. Not hearing back from her over the course of his travels was surely something that hurt him, but he doesn't hold any ill will toward her for it, only wants to reconnect again. In fact, the one and only time he brings up how he misses her and that she didn't respond, she makes very clear the reason why: she heard what he said and it hurt her. And he's ashamed of it.

Colin hears her call him cruel, and instead of ruffling his feathers about it, instead of getting upset, instead of having a chip on his shoulder as I feel so many men would about it. . .he understands why she does so.

Penelope is a woman who has been largely treated poorly in her society. She feels unheard, she feels undesired, and in her circumstances, and I can't help but ask myself. . .has anyone ever truly apologized to Penelope for hurting her, before? Her mother? Her sisters? Eloise, likely, but. . .anyone else? And the way Colin did? Because of all the characters in the show, Colin? Colin knows how to apologize. He has a lot of practice in it. And very importantly: Colin, a man of privilege in his society, apologizes. . .predominately to women. To Marina, to his mother, and multiple times to Penelope.

Ultimately, Penelope wants to be heard, Penelope wants to be understood, Penelope wants to feel desired.

And Colin checks every single one of those boxes. He informs he is not who he was before, and then he proves it to her. He hears that he hurt her, and he comments on it directly. An entire night apart, and he comes back to her 'Because I embarrass you' with 'I am most certainly not ashamed of you', replies to her 'I am a laughingstock' with 'you are clever, and warm, and I am proud to call you my good friend'. He hears her proclaim her own insecurities, and empathizes so deeply with her. He listens. He understands. He makes clear that he cares for her, and that she *is* desired. 'You lift my spirits' 'I seek you out at every social assembly'. That she helps him see the world in ways he loves, that he sees HER and how much she has cared for HIM, that she makes him feel appreciated, that he appreciates her, in turn.

And then? Then? He shows her. He tells her, and he shows her. His actions all throughout Season 3 reinforce this apology. He continues looking for her in every corner of every ballroom, he continues complimenting her, he laughs at her jokes and respects her boundaries, he is ever so gentle with her, he listens to her with an attentiveness that no one else has ever given her. To Lady Whistledown? Sure. But to Penelope? Who else in the entirety of that ton has listened to Penelope the way Colin has?

Absolutely no one.

Penelope Featherington ghosts Colin Bridgerton for months with no explanation, and Colin comes back wanting to reach out to her, and she finally tells him why.

And he apologizes. Because he listens. Really, truly listens. And really truly cares.

I need you to understand how rare that is, even nowadays, but especially back then. That Colin is the kind of man who can put his hurt to the side and realize he made a mistake, that he said something callous, and he adores her, and he can't lose her, and he has to see her and make it right.

Because that's why Penelope fell for Colin. Not because he's beautiful, not for his charm, not for his family. But for his heart. Because he shows her kindness in a world that so often disregards her. Because he seeks her out and tries to understand her, truly hears what she has to say and compliments her, says he's sorry and looks at things from her perspective.

Because he saw her when she was invisible.

Penelope Featherington, who grew up in a house that made cruel jabs at her, has Colin Bridgerton come to her and say he regrets what he said, and that he was wrong, and that he understands why she's mad at him. Penelope Featherington who has so rarely had much of anyone tell her that they're sorry for what they said about her, sits before Colin Bridgerton as he professes how much she means to him. That he cannot even spend a full day away from her knowing they're on bad terms with each other without making it right. That he sees how she is hurting and he has to in any way he can amend it. She is lonely, with no one really in her corner at the start of season 3, and she feels like she lost it all, and Colin comes to her and says 'no, I'm here and I appreciate you and you are special to me, please let me in and let me prove it'. Is it any wonder why after she shakes his hand, she stands in the sun, and she feels the warmth of it, she can smile? That she can breathe, again? That she can be truly content for the first time in the season?

Because Penelope Featherington does not want Colin to beg. She knows him. She knows the tender, full heart he hides behind the new cavalier persona. She knows the soft underbelly of Colin Bridgerton.

He never had to grovel. All he had to do was love her. Assuredly. Fervently. Loudly. Unapologetically.

And he does.

[sleeptokenpuppy]

my tags

drift's tags

the tags drift was referring to

the thing about loving sleep token is that you can tell he's Been Through Some Shit if those are the lyrics he writes. you see clips of him trembling and weeping as he performs and you know those songs mean so so much to him. they mean so much to you too.

then eventually you see old clips, where he's young, and he's Going Through It, and your heart breaks even more.

but you look at those old clips knowing something he doesn't.

you know he's going to make it.

you know he's going to survive what he's going through, build a loyal following over the years, become your favorite metal band's favorite metal band, and then go fucking viral.

sell out wembley. play red rocks and radio city. open for linkin fucking park on their comeback tour. in fucking paris!

you know he's going to change lives. save lives, even if he won't take credit for it.

at that point, he definitely doesn't know that yet.

at that point, you can see he's struggling. you can sit here in 2024 and look back on baby vessel - and we call him baby vessel, i think, not just because he's so much younger there, but because there's a specifically youthful sort of pain so visible in him in that era.

and it just...

i remember how that youthful pain feels, and the uncertainty of self that comes with it. if you went through shit when you were younger, you know it too.

he means so much to you that you wish with all your might you could soothe that pain the way he soothed yours.

[grassbreads]

What Tai Sui is and Why Everyone Should Read It

So if you follow me, over the past couple weeks, you've probably noticed me obsessively screenshotting and posting about a book called Tai Sui. And now that I've finished it, I'd like to try and convince y'all to give it a chance.

What Is Tai Sui?

Tai Sui is a chinese web novel—a relatively unpopular work by the very popular author Priest (author of Guardian and Sha Po Lang, among others). Unlike a lot of the most popular web novels on tumblr, it's not a danmei. It's in fact rather important to the plot and themes that there is almost entirely no romance, but I promise you, it is absolutely worth it regardless.

What is Tai Sui About?

Tai Sui is a steampunk xianxia cultivation story. For those unfamiliar with xianxia and cultivation, this is a particular genre of Chinese historical fantasy.

The official summary of Tai Sui reads as follows:

“If I had a choice, I would only want to be a little insect in the mundane dust, born in confusion, dying in mediocrity, never seeing the light of day beneath the fog of Jinping City.

Better than taking this wrong road to heaven.”

You may have noticed that this summary is not in fact really a summary. It gives you a glimpse into the story's themes, mood, and destination, but it doesn't exactly tell you what happens in it.

That's because Tai Sui is one of those works that's incredibly hard to summarize. The story is incredibly wide in scope and changes massively over its course, to the point that any summary that encapsulates the whole thing is going to feel like a spoiler. However, I can try my best to add a little detail without giving too much away.

Tai Sui is the story of Xi Ping—an obnoxious, trouble-making rich boy with no interest in cultivation—who gets unwittingly involved in a plot to resurrect the "evil god" Tai Sui. This plot pulls him into the cultivation world against his will and, over time, threatens to rewrite everything he is.

Tai Sui is the end of immortality.

Why Should You Read Tai Sui?

Tai Sui is one of the most compelling stories I have ever read. It is a love letter to the power and promise of the whole world and its many mundane people. It also has some of the best worldbuilding I have ever seen.

Tai Sui is written in omniscient perspective, and though Xi Ping is very much the main character, as the story progresses, we spend more and more time alongside characters that aren't him. By the time the novel ends, his entire continent is at stake, and we the audience know that continent and its troubles inside and out from countless angles. Everyone from the immortal demigods of the cultivation world to the most wretched, miserable paupers is given a grand sense of emphasis.

Tai Sui is a deconstruction of the cultivation genre. It establishes a magic/cultivation system and its history, lets the main character live in that system for a while, and then dives deep into that system's depths. It looks at the cultivation genre, at the idea of people who leave behind their status as mortals for greater things, and asks "How does this really work?" and "Is this how the world should be?"

Tai Sui is the story of countless people who were never supposed to be powerful coming together to make the world a better place. It's well written (and very well translated), exciting, heartbreaking, and incredibly beautiful. It's also funny as hell.

I cannot recommend this story enough.

Warnings/Caveats

As I said before, Tai Sui is a deconstruction of the cultivation genre. If you're unfamiliar with this genre, while the book is certainly readable, you are going to be thrown head first into the deep end with the tropes and terminology at play. It's absolutely worth the learning curve, but it will be kind of a lot. Maybe do some light googling about what a cultivator is before you pick it up. (Or just ask a fan. I think most of us would happily explain anything that would win a new reader).

There are portrayals of people/cultures in Tai Sui that are heavily inspired by minority cultures in real-world China, and some of these portrayals play into pretty harmful stereotypes. It's not SPL "Barbarian" or TGCF Banyue levels of racist, but it's something to be aware of and careful about. I'd really recommend reading from the perspectives of those from the cultures in question (including but not limited to the post I linked) for more about the issues I'm talking about.

Tai Sui's English translation is 930,000 words long. I believe this is a strength, since its length is what allows it such an incredible scope. It is also a fucking daunting commitment, and I acknowledge that.

Finally, while Tai Sui doesn't need too many trigger warnings, it does contain some pretty viscerally upsetting depictions of inequality and mistreatment, as well as a few instances of violence toward children. You can't uplift without first seeing what the people need uplifting from, and hooboy. They need it.

There's also some scenes that are technically rather violent, but the goriness is not presented as gore, if that makes sense. It never feels intensely or overly violent in the way some fantasy novels do.

Links

If all my gushing and propagandizing has convinced you to give it a try, you can find the original Chinese version (where you can buy chapters to support the author) on JJWXC.

The complete English translation is free on the website of E. Danglars, who does a truly incredible job with the translating.

Happy reading :).

[loaflovesdoodling]

TW: HEAVY GORE, IMPLIED BONE INJURY, ANGST AND BLOOD UNDER CUT

Pleiades pleaded, as the Dollmaker's dagger dug deeper and deeper into his back, cutting right through his yellowish-colored flesh, golden blood spewing out, he had no way of fighting back, and stabs to the pancreas wouldn't have been enough to shut his cries up anymore.

His spine, she aimed at his spine. She tried to break it using her sharp blade, so she could easily rip it out of his body, leaving him absolutely motionless. She didn't care if he'd heal, like he always does, somehow; all she wanted in that moment was to make him suffer.

The warrior could feel costant hits on his vertebrae, like a hammer on a nail, it was terrifying, disturbing. painful.

His wails completely for naught. he felt a horrifying snap, followed by atrocious pain. His consciousness started fading away. All he could do... was look back.....

...and scream his heart out.

Dollmaker belongs to @ilikesillythingswooo

[glow-autumz]

It’s okay…..

"I don't know how to feel...But I wanna try"

-This certainly took longer than I thought It would but I'm so so happy I was able to finish it! (Sorry if it's very messy) I've been feeling a very similar emotion like this for the past couple of days and well, I thought this would be a nice way to express that feeling. (I also wanted to draw more angsty stuff)

Anywho, I hope y'all love and enjoy this just as much as I loved drawin' it.

Taglist♡: (I dearly love every one of you) @aliasrocket @pretty-chips @cleos-chaos-corner @honeypleasesugar @thirteens-lucky-tardis @funkydancingdinosaur @evolvingchaoswitch @rockiday4life @raccoonfallsharder

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

frickin shite that was the worst small group I've ever been to in my life

[makerofmadness]

*disappears off the face of tumblr* *reappears just to post this one thing*

So on discord (where I am now predominately active) besties and I got a bit uh Quirky resulting in. Epic CRK Leak /j:

[patheticrafeenjoyer]

sebastian stan and drew starkey bonding over being the two most talented actors in the whole ensemble cast of the project they're contractually obligated to finish when

[yxstxrdrxxm-a]

AND THATS A WRAP !

Hello, hello! It's me, the local dumbass that went "lol lets run this silly event" since January. I'd like to say thank you so much for participating!

I never thought that so many would look @ my blog event and go ":D lets go get matched w/ yans!" LIKE?? HELP WE GOT A LOT OF SUBMISSIONS SINCE DAY 1, IT MADE ME GO "oh shit" BAHAHAHAHA

But fr, I want to say thank you so much. To those who came in to join the matchup, to those who participated as anons to the story that was unfolding, and to those that were theorizing and even lurking:

Thank you so much for giving me a chance. You guys have no idea how much it means to me to celebrate this milestone with all of you.

I would love to mention everyone of y'all that joined to leave my special thanks, but this post will be lengthy if I did that and I... Am NOT about to make it too sappy LMAOOOO

Now! On the update + future plans:

The rest of the fics will be posted but slowly and will be saved as special dlc fics of One Last Call. This covers additional lore of the worldbuilding behind OLC, but there are some that won't be written (Freminet and Aether are unfortunately those I can't write as yanderes) to lessen the load. Also, some will be shorter/snippet wise, but we shall see.

I will be making a "story explained" post for OLC and the characters behind it. This goes into the possible "what ifs", the original draft of the story (storyboard lol), what each character would've been in my plans, and everything in between! (Also, there may or may not be drawn sketches for each of them. Maybe kek).

The next event will be happening on March. I won't elaborate what it'll be, but it will be indulgent and maybe a little funny (for me). It'll also last for a week at most so I don't end up burning myself out LMAOO

Finally, I will be hosting small event for Cupid, Eros, and Boss. They won't be big, but they will have their spots when I planned out what'll happen to them. (Hint: you guys are going to see them often on your feed if you know where to look ;>)

For now though, I will be finishing up the drabbles and pray I get them queued to finally archive this event. Also, I will be responding to asks + cleaning up my inbox again when I'm done :)

Once again, thank you everyone. I genuinely thought that running One Last Call will not work out back then (I told a few friends I was scared that it won't take off as it did), but I pushed through it anyway since I thought it'd be fun anyway. And to see everyone enjoy it is the best feeling I've had since opening this blog.

I hope all of you enjoy chilling as I try to write + post the drabbles for OLC before concluding its tale... And hopefully writer's block does not slam its gavel on my ass BAHAHAHAHAHA

[skrunksthatwunk]

misc class doodles from the past few days to prove that i can in fact still draw

[liliallowed]

are you Jesus?

nah I'm god

Noelle is my Jesus and dust sans is my sweet adorable Lucifer.

yes I ship Lucifer x god. cuz you know he WAS god's favorite angel technically and I bet god would his disobedience adorable instead of being enraged like most people assume.

this might come as offensive to some people so take it with a grain of salt.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

there’s something so sacred about sharing what you love with others: whether it be a song or food or clothes, a show or a movie or pictures. it's just... such a deep and personal thing, you know? having someone carve out a little part of their heart and gift it to you with an abundance of joy and excitement and passion... yeah.

[ghostboyjules]

weeeeellllll hey folks! Finally back again - after ages of promising this - with Hob's playlist. I'm definitely not gonna be as wordy this time, mostly because I am Tired™, but hopefully these songs and their lyrics speak for themselves better than I could anyway. I'd like to dedicate this beast to these particular wonderful humans; @wordsinhaled, @wizardofgoodfortune, ily'all 🥺 y'all keep me creative <3 and to @landwriter for the amazing title inspo and just being super dope and having excellent Hob Gadling character takes in general.

This playlist is a lil more structured than Dream's was, so I don't recommend listening on shuffle, at least for the first time through, lol. I also have marked in my notes which songs relate to which like. Span of years, but tbh that could be kinda flexible, so use your heart ig asjhfvafbab Without further ado, below the cut will be my lyric selections and small note thingies. If you've read even this far, I thank you *mwah* (yes there's 30 songs I'm SORRY I can't be stopped 😭)

1389 –

Avi Kaplan – I’m Only Getting Started

[Verse 1]

Eyes clouded, blood on my face

No mercy coming my way

Yeah, I'm only getting started

Cracked knuckles, fist shaking

These rivers run, but I'm staying

Yeah, I'm only getting started

OKAY... thought this was kind of a cool one to open up with, plus the interesting thing about making this playlist is that I feel like I have a very linear sort of character progression to work off of, which is fun.. so this song speaks to me of that rough and tumble merc/bandit Hob of 1389... been through some shit, lost family,

Alice In Chains – Rooster

[Verse 2]

Walkin' tall machine gun man

They spit on me in my homeland

Gloria sent me pictures of my boy, mm-mm

Got my pills 'gainst mosquito death

My buddy's breathin' his dyin' breath

Oh God, please, won't you help me make it through? Mm-mm

[Chorus]

Here they come to snuff the Rooster, aw yeah

Yeah, here come the Rooster, yeah

You know he ain't gonna die

No, no, you know he ain't gonna die

this gives me very much merc or soldier Hob, kinda unhinged a lil bit cause he definitely should have died a few times there…but he didn’t.

The Mountain Goats – Up the Wolves

[Verse 1]

There's bound to be a ghost at the back of your closet

No matter where you live

There'll always be a few things, maybe several things

That you're going to find really difficult to forgive

There's gonna come a day when you feel better

You'll rise up free and easy on that day

And float from branch to branch

Lighter than the air

Just when that day is coming, who can say? Who can say?

makes me think about maybe after a long time at war or fighting as a merc or any plethora of things honestly, he’s like struggling with that.

Emigrate, Cardinal Copia – I’m Not Afraid

On the street that I remained

Some have made another hole

Could it be that I'm to blame?

When the ground has turned so cold

Can it be an audacing?

Can it be a guarded hole?

And what we say is just a game

The one we play 'til we get old

All, all the hands I have laid

All written along my face

I'm not afraid of anything

I just let it go

And now I take on everything

To get out from the hole

maybe avoiding thinking about things just so that he’s able to be the kind of man he wants to be rather than the kind the world is wanting to turn him into…but then he has to think abt them to come to terms with them (also no matter what I do,it will not recognize 'audacing' as a word but I googled it and everything so...lmao)

1489 -

Ryn Weaver – New Constellations

[Verse 2]

There's no walls and no ceilings as far as I know

Just the echoes of scars and the unbeaten road

Trip the gun on cautions that I've been sold

'Cause it's hard to believe that it's wrong to want more

Than the truest of blue and a love like a roar

I will run to wherever I want to go, oh

[Chorus 2]

Charting Neptune by the fire of the Sun

I'm looking for new constellations, new constellations

[Verse 3]

So keep callin' me crazy 'cause I never learned

You should stop loving fire because you got burned

Now it feels like I'm living some sick déjà vu

Like the answers were there when I stared into you

"What if there's more? What if there's more?" The more I look into this the more I want to cry about 1489 Hob and all the things he's seen.. I was on the Wiki page for ‘Spherical Earth’ and the years it was giving me... god he sure was just. there for that. the number of things we know to be just. absolute FACT, now that were kinda up in the air for the majority of his 600+ years??? are you kidding me? the maps the books the science the

Dawes – Living In The Future

[Verse 1]

I know all of my exits

I'm always planning my escape

It's the most aggressive symptom

Of this collective phantom pain

And the more that you ignore it

The more it makes you go insane

Just look around

[Chorus]

We're living in the future, so shine a little light

It may not make it any better, I'm just hoping that it might

I'm not talking about forever, how about just getting through the night?

We're living in the future, so shine a little light

ANXIETY… doesn’t wanna be caught being immortal…but also amazed and trying to see the brighter side of things, wanting to learn

Good Tiger – Salt of the Earth (Acoustic)

I tightened my grip

Around my bow

I'll try to save you all

Knuckles turning white

Blood runs cold

There's a boy with no face

I don't feel there's much separation

I'm an animal

Hope leaves when the waves come crashing

I've never been a religious man

But I'm slipping under drowning

In your eyes

I've never been a religious man

But I'm slipping under drowning

In your

More themes of being animalistic.. kinda nightmare-ish huh … this makes me think of maybe him having nightmares trying to help him understand how he really felt about all the killing he’s had to do, while also hungering so so deeply for more. More life, more knowledge, more people, more experiences. An animal wanting ..

1589 –

Hozier – Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene

[Verse 2]

Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh, I

Lay my heart down with the rest at her feet

Fresh from the fields, all fetor and fertile

It's bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet

[Verse 3]

In leash-less confusion, I'll wander the concrete

Wonder if better now having survived

The jarring of judgement and reason's defeat the sweet

Heat of her breath in my mouth; I'm alive

I’m looking at this song as him falling in love with Eleanor, and I really like whenever they’re depicted as having this kind of.. definitely unconventional type of relationship for the time, and also maybe both being just a smidge unhinged, because Hob certainly is and I could absolutely see him being smitten with Eleanor because she’s maybe, kind of odd or something.. who’s to say..

Fair to Midland – A Seafarer’s Knot

[Verse 1]

Lucky are the leaves of the clover

She's digging for chemistry with the butcher's tools

Shifty are the eyes of the gambler

He's making his tricks his trade, and a job well done

[Pre-Chorus]

Through the motions, waving wishes

To your confidence and eloquence

[Chorus]

He's turning a-green from these envious glorious things

Applied ambitious faith that can keep us all safe

Invoking a blue that's meant for us too

What small amazing things we will turn to rain

Fair to Midland is one of my favorite bands of all time, so I was saving them for something special lol. A lot of the time Darrow’s lyrics don’t make.. a huuge amount of linear sense, but I feel like these are straightforward enough to take enough meaning. This, to me, feels like an examination of what Hob did to get to 1589, and perhaps some of the feelings behind that.

(bonus, made me think of the toast scene…ow)

[Bridge]

Gather 'round, hold your glasses up high

Drink to love while we wait for high tide

Keep it short, keep it brief, you have my word

Gather 'round while we wait for high tide

Everything Everything – Blast Doors

[Chorus]

Down in my beast heart, I build an empire

Whenever I'm blind, I open my wild eye

(repeated)

[Bridge]

I hear the death rattle of a time wasted

Time wasted

You know that I believe in it

You know that I believe in it

But I'm wasted

Back again with ‘animal hunger’ Hob. With this one I was really thinking about how… he really wanted to impress his stranger… only to be barely spoken to and then walked away from with no explanation. Like yes that hurts initially, but I’m thinking about all of the things he had to do to get there, I’m sure he didn’t like a lot of it.. and then to find out he pretty much wasted a lot of his time for an idea that had turned out to be wrong? oof

Ray LaMontagne – Such a Simple Thing

[Verse 2]

Take it if you want it

I'm so tired I just don't care

Can't you see how much you hurt me?

It's like I wasn't there

[Chorus]

Tell me what your heart wants

Such a simple thing

My heart is like paper

Yours is like a flame

I mean… -motions to lyrics- asfjvnfnb. Teehee abandonment issues lolololol

1689 –

40 Watt Sun – Stages

If I was only wise enough

To know everything sure and true about myself

You would not be here

What have I brought you to, my love, that you have followed me?

It is all my heart is worth

And more than I would ask of you

Y’all I’m so sorry that this is a 16 min song aldkfjgadj feel free to like, just look at the lyrics if you don’t have the brain space for the full thing, but I kind of forgot that it was so long until after I was so set on it 💀

Sleeping at Last – Jupiter

[Verse]

Wrote it down in the winter of 1610

Just a secret under lock and key until then

While collecting the stars, I connected the dots

I don't know who I am, but now I know who I'm not

This song always has and always will ruin me,, I just love the line “I don’t know who I am, but now I know who I’m not” honestly just everything about that song… make my messes matter, make this chaos count.. (also had to include because.. 1610 lol)

Gregory Alan Isakov – If I Go, I’m Goin

And I will go if you ask me to

I will stay if you dare

And if I go, I'm goin' shameless

Let my hunger take me there

This house, she's quite the talker

She creaks and moans, she keeps me up

And the photographs know I'm a liar

They just laugh as I burn her down

This song just has very Hob energy, like I feel like he would like it, as well, but also just OOOOOOFFFF this do be hurtin….

The Moody Blues – Melancholy Man

[Chorus]

I'm a melancholy man, that's what I am

All the world surrounds me and my feet are on the ground

I'm a very lonely man, doing what I can

All the world astounds me and I think I understand

That we're going to keep growing, wait and see

Another case of -motions to lyrics- tbh

1789 –

Sleeping at Last – Pluto

[Chorus]

Until one day I had enough

Of this exercise of trust

I leaned in and let it hurt

And let my body feel the dirt

When I break pattern, I break ground

I rebuild when I break down

I wake up more awake than I've ever been before

“I rebuild when I break down” this is put here specifically to signify his,, literal rebuilding of himself after the struggle of the previous century,..

The Deep Dark Woods – The Place I Left Behind

I'm a good ole ramblin' boy

Now that's just what I am

This fair land that you call yours

I do not give a damn

I've got the ramblin' fever down in my bones

And everywhere that I wanna go

The only place that I ever loved

Is a place I left behind

Discontent, I think, with where he’s at currently. Still missing and grieving his family, I imagine he probably spends these years pretty alone, and that could be why he seemingly turns his goddamn brain off -_-

Tunng – Fatally Human

Fatally human

We hover in the world

Fatal someone

We flounder in the dark

Take hold of another

Go mad in a moment

The soil and the wonder

Sway to the terror

There’s not really a lot I can say here, but. Yeah.

1889 –

The Oh Hellos – I Have Made Mistakes

I have made mistakes

I have made mistakes, I continue to make them

And the promises I've made

The promises I've made, I continue to break them

And all the doubts I've faced

All the doubts I've faced, I continue to face them

But nothing is a waste

Nothing is a waste, if you learn from it

This song sounds like how Hob looks when he makes that little jab at himself about making and learning from mistakes… couldn’t get that idea out of my head. Plus this song just really hits.

Greg Puciato – Through the Walls

Winter, I'm out of tune

Heating frozen stars

I'll keep spilling my guts out to you

Wherever you are

Dragging my anchor through you

I want you to know

Me before this night is through

Then you'll never go

Careful to not disappear

Offering dreams to the dawn

Nothing's impossible here

Still we can't go on

I didn’t want to make anything TOO outwardly Dreamling, but like… this song, omg…

Tubeway Army – Are ‘Friends’ Electric?

[Chorus 1]

So now I'm alone

Now I can think for myself

About little deals and S.U's

And things that I just don't understand

Like a white lie at night

Or a sly touch at times

I don't think it meant anything to you

[Verse 3]

So I open the door

It's the 'friend' that I'd left in the hallway

"Please sit down."

A candlelit shadow on a wall near the bed

Made that last comment and then there’s this song WHOOPS sdkfgadfbaasfjghfb

1989 –

Marina – To Be Human

[Chorus]

All the people living in, living in the world today

We're united by our love, we're united by our pain (Ooh)

All the things that I've done and I've seen

Still, I don't know, don't know what it means

All of the little name drops and the meanings and.. it just gave me very much the century flying by so violently but also colorfully and SO much happening..

Orville Peck – Dead of Night

[Verse 3]

Six summers down, another dreamless night

You're not by my side

Scratch on the moon like a familiar smile

Stained on my mind

Some other town, someone else's life

Dead in the night

In the night

Ofc I had to add Orville… this song and it’s placement… I wanted it to feel purposeful, and I hope it does. Character and theme-wise, and also like irl things happening in those decades..

Danny Schmidt – This Too Shall Pass

[Verse 3]

We think too big, we think our self is one whole thing

And we claim that this collection has a name and is a being

But deep inside when every cell divides

Well, it sets upon the rule that states self-interest is divine

[Verse 4]

And cancer too lives by this golden rule:

That you must do unto the others as the others unto you

All for the best, because it's all that life accepts

And so we kill it like a buffalo: with awe and with respect

This song also gives me overall Hob vibes, musically and lyrically, but.. I just think about the kind of friends he made and the things he tried to do in this century. Helping the people he could and loving those he couldn’t help. The knowledge that yes, this too shall pass…

1990’s-ish – Went on a lil’bit of a bender

Alice in Chains – Would?

[Verse 2]

Drifting body, its sole desertion

Flying, not yet quite the notion

[Chorus]

Into the flood again

Same old trip it was back then

So I made a big mistake

Try to see it once my way

I feel like after 1989.. and the overwhelming barrage of a century that was, I feel like he has some, emotions to sort through. N and I talked a lot about grunge phase 90’s Hob and like yes very much influential here, but I think I’d associate him with Alice in Chains, regardless. Stone Temple Pilots too, I think.. there’s more lmao

Def Leppard – Animal

[Verse 1]

A wild ride, over stony ground

Such a lust for life, the circus comes to town

We are the hungry ones, on a lightning raid

Just like a river runs, like a fire needs flame

Oh, I burn for you

[Chorus]

I got to feel it in my blood, whoa, oh

I need your touch don't need your love, whoa, oh

And I want, and I need, and I lust, animal

And I want, and I need, and I lust, animal

This man fucks. Obvi

2022 –

The National – I Am Easy To Find

[Verse 1]

How long have we been here?

Am I ever coming down?

I need to find some lower thinking, if I'm going to stick around

I'm not going anywhere

Who do I think I'm kidding?

I'm still standing in the same place where you left me standing

[Chorus]

I am easy to find

The National will always be my favorite sad Dad band, I cherish them. I feel like Hob would also like them, but this song of course had to be added because. “I am easy to find.” …. ach

The Narcissist Cookbook – Joy! Joy! JoooOOY!

[Verse 2]

Tonight let's turn the shower on

Full blast and hot

Lie down in the bath like it's a casket or a cot

We'll try to sleep

But we won't sleep

I thought writing it down might make me wanna stop

But I want more and more

And more of this

Til there's no room in me

There’s not a lot I can say about this one either, just.

Broken Bells – Perfect World

[Verse 1]

Oh, London moon, help me stumble home

Let me lose myself along the way

I've got nothing left, it's kind of wonderful

'Cause there's nothing they can take away... away

[Bridge]

But it's another way to win a useless fight

You've been lying so long don't know when you're faking

See the water on the rise

Just another day into a useless night

I've been pushing so hard now my hands are shaking

See the water on the rise

This song is beautiful. I think I had a religious experience when I heard it for the first time a few years ago,,, it’s also just very much a Hob song to me. Not overly optimistic, but still down for life.. the struggles…

Avi Kaplan – Song For The Thankful

[Verse 3]

Goodbye evening, hello to the night

I'm not seein' the wrong from the right

Walkin' blindly on a path without an end

Then the morning comes and leads me out again

I thought this would be the perfect song to end on.. I hope I’m right.