#sorry i made y'all cry

[brewed-pangolin]

I really need to get up and get busy.

But there's a cat sitting on my chest, so I guess this is my life now.

[diathadevil]

Day 7 - Scatter

His biggest fear.

(Bonus doodle underneath because I felt bad for Fakir so I ended up making this into a dream sequence comic :'] )

[sleeptokenpuppy]

my tags

drift's tags

the tags drift was referring to

the thing about loving sleep token is that you can tell he's Been Through Some Shit if those are the lyrics he writes. you see clips of him trembling and weeping as he performs and you know those songs mean so so much to him. they mean so much to you too.

then eventually you see old clips, where he's young, and he's Going Through It, and your heart breaks even more.

but you look at those old clips knowing something he doesn't.

you know he's going to make it.

you know he's going to survive what he's going through, build a loyal following over the years, become your favorite metal band's favorite metal band, and then go fucking viral.

sell out wembley. play red rocks and radio city. open for linkin fucking park on their comeback tour. in fucking paris!

you know he's going to change lives. save lives, even if he won't take credit for it.

at that point, he definitely doesn't know that yet.

at that point, you can see he's struggling. you can sit here in 2024 and look back on baby vessel - and we call him baby vessel, i think, not just because he's so much younger there, but because there's a specifically youthful sort of pain so visible in him in that era.

and it just...

i remember how that youthful pain feels, and the uncertainty of self that comes with it. if you went through shit when you were younger, you know it too.

he means so much to you that you wish with all your might you could soothe that pain the way he soothed yours.

[dollypopup]

"Colin should have grovelled more!" "Penelope folded too easily"

I think statements like this typically come from people who like Penelope. . .but don't really understand her. And don't really understand just why she cares for Colin, and just why him groveling would not in any way bring her peace.

Penelope and Colin are kindred spirits in their loneliness, in season 3 more than any others. Penelope had lost her friendship with Eloise, and Colin didn't really have a close friend circle to begin with. Except with Pen. Pen was the person he could put the mask down for, could open up to, (in particular with their 'dreams' discussion) and that's why he couldn't even entertain the idea of giving up talking to her in Season 2. She is a vital part of his life, and holds so much significance and importance to him.

I imagine that's what made their silence over his travels especially painful for him. They spent such a long time talking after Season 1, and he even informs her that her letters were so encouraging, that it helped him heal something inside of himself. That if she could see him in a gentle way. . .so could he. (And he repays this, because he is honest to god out here acting and looking at her like she hung the moon in the sky). But without her presence in his life, he spiraled. Didn't feel confident in being who he is, and thus put on his persona more firmly. We know this because he wrote in his journal that "I want to be less needy, less insecure, while still maintaining the core of my vulnerability that makes me who I am". That he misses his family, that he misses home.

And we know, from the books, that Home? Home is Penelope. Penelope is his North Star, is his guiding force, and who I argue he feels he needs. In his very first scene, he looks toward her house, tries to find her in the window. When he does not, he returns to his family. In the outdoor gathering, he looks for her and finds her, eager to talk. He states aloud that he misses her, and I imagine he wrote it, too. Not hearing back from her over the course of his travels was surely something that hurt him, but he doesn't hold any ill will toward her for it, only wants to reconnect again. In fact, the one and only time he brings up how he misses her and that she didn't respond, she makes very clear the reason why: she heard what he said and it hurt her. And he's ashamed of it.

Colin hears her call him cruel, and instead of ruffling his feathers about it, instead of getting upset, instead of having a chip on his shoulder as I feel so many men would about it. . .he understands why she does so.

Penelope is a woman who has been largely treated poorly in her society. She feels unheard, she feels undesired, and in her circumstances, and I can't help but ask myself. . .has anyone ever truly apologized to Penelope for hurting her, before? Her mother? Her sisters? Eloise, likely, but. . .anyone else? And the way Colin did? Because of all the characters in the show, Colin? Colin knows how to apologize. He has a lot of practice in it. And very importantly: Colin, a man of privilege in his society, apologizes. . .predominately to women. To Marina, to his mother, and multiple times to Penelope.

Ultimately, Penelope wants to be heard, Penelope wants to be understood, Penelope wants to feel desired.

And Colin checks every single one of those boxes. He informs he is not who he was before, and then he proves it to her. He hears that he hurt her, and he comments on it directly. An entire night apart, and he comes back to her 'Because I embarrass you' with 'I am most certainly not ashamed of you', replies to her 'I am a laughingstock' with 'you are clever, and warm, and I am proud to call you my good friend'. He hears her proclaim her own insecurities, and empathizes so deeply with her. He listens. He understands. He makes clear that he cares for her, and that she *is* desired. 'You lift my spirits' 'I seek you out at every social assembly'. That she helps him see the world in ways he loves, that he sees HER and how much she has cared for HIM, that she makes him feel appreciated, that he appreciates her, in turn.

And then? Then? He shows her. He tells her, and he shows her. His actions all throughout Season 3 reinforce this apology. He continues looking for her in every corner of every ballroom, he continues complimenting her, he laughs at her jokes and respects her boundaries, he is ever so gentle with her, he listens to her with an attentiveness that no one else has ever given her. To Lady Whistledown? Sure. But to Penelope? Who else in the entirety of that ton has listened to Penelope the way Colin has?

Absolutely no one.

Penelope Featherington ghosts Colin Bridgerton for months with no explanation, and Colin comes back wanting to reach out to her, and she finally tells him why.

And he apologizes. Because he listens. Really, truly listens. And really truly cares.

I need you to understand how rare that is, even nowadays, but especially back then. That Colin is the kind of man who can put his hurt to the side and realize he made a mistake, that he said something callous, and he adores her, and he can't lose her, and he has to see her and make it right.

Because that's why Penelope fell for Colin. Not because he's beautiful, not for his charm, not for his family. But for his heart. Because he shows her kindness in a world that so often disregards her. Because he seeks her out and tries to understand her, truly hears what she has to say and compliments her, says he's sorry and looks at things from her perspective.

Because he saw her when she was invisible.

Penelope Featherington, who grew up in a house that made cruel jabs at her, has Colin Bridgerton come to her and say he regrets what he said, and that he was wrong, and that he understands why she's mad at him. Penelope Featherington who has so rarely had much of anyone tell her that they're sorry for what they said about her, sits before Colin Bridgerton as he professes how much she means to him. That he cannot even spend a full day away from her knowing they're on bad terms with each other without making it right. That he sees how she is hurting and he has to in any way he can amend it. She is lonely, with no one really in her corner at the start of season 3, and she feels like she lost it all, and Colin comes to her and says 'no, I'm here and I appreciate you and you are special to me, please let me in and let me prove it'. Is it any wonder why after she shakes his hand, she stands in the sun, and she feels the warmth of it, she can smile? That she can breathe, again? That she can be truly content for the first time in the season?

Because Penelope Featherington does not want Colin to beg. She knows him. She knows the tender, full heart he hides behind the new cavalier persona. She knows the soft underbelly of Colin Bridgerton.

He never had to grovel. All he had to do was love her. Assuredly. Fervently. Loudly. Unapologetically.

And he does.

[grassbreads]

What Tai Sui is and Why Everyone Should Read It

So if you follow me, over the past couple weeks, you've probably noticed me obsessively screenshotting and posting about a book called Tai Sui. And now that I've finished it, I'd like to try and convince y'all to give it a chance.

What Is Tai Sui?

Tai Sui is a chinese web novel—a relatively unpopular work by the very popular author Priest (author of Guardian and Sha Po Lang, among others). Unlike a lot of the most popular web novels on tumblr, it's not a danmei. It's in fact rather important to the plot and themes that there is almost entirely no romance, but I promise you, it is absolutely worth it regardless.

What is Tai Sui About?

Tai Sui is a steampunk xianxia cultivation story. For those unfamiliar with xianxia and cultivation, this is a particular genre of Chinese historical fantasy.

The official summary of Tai Sui reads as follows:

“If I had a choice, I would only want to be a little insect in the mundane dust, born in confusion, dying in mediocrity, never seeing the light of day beneath the fog of Jinping City.

Better than taking this wrong road to heaven.”

You may have noticed that this summary is not in fact really a summary. It gives you a glimpse into the story's themes, mood, and destination, but it doesn't exactly tell you what happens in it.

That's because Tai Sui is one of those works that's incredibly hard to summarize. The story is incredibly wide in scope and changes massively over its course, to the point that any summary that encapsulates the whole thing is going to feel like a spoiler. However, I can try my best to add a little detail without giving too much away.

Tai Sui is the story of Xi Ping—an obnoxious, trouble-making rich boy with no interest in cultivation—who gets unwittingly involved in a plot to resurrect the "evil god" Tai Sui. This plot pulls him into the cultivation world against his will and, over time, threatens to rewrite everything he is.

Tai Sui is the end of immortality.

Why Should You Read Tai Sui?

Tai Sui is one of the most compelling stories I have ever read. It is a love letter to the power and promise of the whole world and its many mundane people. It also has some of the best worldbuilding I have ever seen.

Tai Sui is written in omniscient perspective, and though Xi Ping is very much the main character, as the story progresses, we spend more and more time alongside characters that aren't him. By the time the novel ends, his entire continent is at stake, and we the audience know that continent and its troubles inside and out from countless angles. Everyone from the immortal demigods of the cultivation world to the most wretched, miserable paupers is given a grand sense of emphasis.

Tai Sui is a deconstruction of the cultivation genre. It establishes a magic/cultivation system and its history, lets the main character live in that system for a while, and then dives deep into that system's depths. It looks at the cultivation genre, at the idea of people who leave behind their status as mortals for greater things, and asks "How does this really work?" and "Is this how the world should be?"

Tai Sui is the story of countless people who were never supposed to be powerful coming together to make the world a better place. It's well written (and very well translated), exciting, heartbreaking, and incredibly beautiful. It's also funny as hell.

I cannot recommend this story enough.

Warnings/Caveats

As I said before, Tai Sui is a deconstruction of the cultivation genre. If you're unfamiliar with this genre, while the book is certainly readable, you are going to be thrown head first into the deep end with the tropes and terminology at play. It's absolutely worth the learning curve, but it will be kind of a lot. Maybe do some light googling about what a cultivator is before you pick it up. (Or just ask a fan. I think most of us would happily explain anything that would win a new reader).

There are portrayals of people/cultures in Tai Sui that are heavily inspired by minority cultures in real-world China, and some of these portrayals play into pretty harmful stereotypes. It's not SPL "Barbarian" or TGCF Banyue levels of racist, but it's something to be aware of and careful about. I'd really recommend reading from the perspectives of those from the cultures in question (including but not limited to the post I linked) for more about the issues I'm talking about.

Tai Sui's English translation is 930,000 words long. I believe this is a strength, since its length is what allows it such an incredible scope. It is also a fucking daunting commitment, and I acknowledge that.

Finally, while Tai Sui doesn't need too many trigger warnings, it does contain some pretty viscerally upsetting depictions of inequality and mistreatment, as well as a few instances of violence toward children. You can't uplift without first seeing what the people need uplifting from, and hooboy. They need it.

There's also some scenes that are technically rather violent, but the goriness is not presented as gore, if that makes sense. It never feels intensely or overly violent in the way some fantasy novels do.

Links

If all my gushing and propagandizing has convinced you to give it a try, you can find the original Chinese version (where you can buy chapters to support the author) on JJWXC.

The complete English translation is free on the website of E. Danglars, who does a truly incredible job with the translating.

Happy reading :).

[scriv3lloirl]

Hey so I was that ask a few days ago that said I was gonna draw you. And I finally finished this thing so here ya go.

Hope ya don’t mind I drew you in my own version of the gas mask, and I gave you bell bottoms cause uhhh, teehee.

Look at that. He’s having such a great time. He’s not in danger, he’s fine, look he’s laughing, he’s fine guys

YOU.

[glow-autumz]

It’s okay…..

"I don't know how to feel...But I wanna try"

-This certainly took longer than I thought It would but I'm so so happy I was able to finish it! (Sorry if it's very messy) I've been feeling a very similar emotion like this for the past couple of days and well, I thought this would be a nice way to express that feeling. (I also wanted to draw more angsty stuff)

Anywho, I hope y'all love and enjoy this just as much as I loved drawin' it.

Taglist♡: (I dearly love every one of you) @aliasrocket @pretty-chips @cleos-chaos-corner @honeypleasesugar @thirteens-lucky-tardis @funkydancingdinosaur @evolvingchaoswitch @rockiday4life @raccoonfallsharder

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

frickin shite that was the worst small group I've ever been to in my life

[makerofmadness]

*disappears off the face of tumblr* *reappears just to post this one thing*

So on discord (where I am now predominately active) besties and I got a bit uh Quirky resulting in. Epic CRK Leak /j:

[patheticrafeenjoyer]

sebastian stan and drew starkey bonding over being the two most talented actors in the whole ensemble cast of the project they're contractually obligated to finish when

[yxstxrdrxxm-a]

AND THATS A WRAP !

Hello, hello! It's me, the local dumbass that went "lol lets run this silly event" since January. I'd like to say thank you so much for participating!

I never thought that so many would look @ my blog event and go ":D lets go get matched w/ yans!" LIKE?? HELP WE GOT A LOT OF SUBMISSIONS SINCE DAY 1, IT MADE ME GO "oh shit" BAHAHAHAHA

But fr, I want to say thank you so much. To those who came in to join the matchup, to those who participated as anons to the story that was unfolding, and to those that were theorizing and even lurking:

Thank you so much for giving me a chance. You guys have no idea how much it means to me to celebrate this milestone with all of you.

I would love to mention everyone of y'all that joined to leave my special thanks, but this post will be lengthy if I did that and I... Am NOT about to make it too sappy LMAOOOO

Now! On the update + future plans:

The rest of the fics will be posted but slowly and will be saved as special dlc fics of One Last Call. This covers additional lore of the worldbuilding behind OLC, but there are some that won't be written (Freminet and Aether are unfortunately those I can't write as yanderes) to lessen the load. Also, some will be shorter/snippet wise, but we shall see.

I will be making a "story explained" post for OLC and the characters behind it. This goes into the possible "what ifs", the original draft of the story (storyboard lol), what each character would've been in my plans, and everything in between! (Also, there may or may not be drawn sketches for each of them. Maybe kek).

The next event will be happening on March. I won't elaborate what it'll be, but it will be indulgent and maybe a little funny (for me). It'll also last for a week at most so I don't end up burning myself out LMAOO

Finally, I will be hosting small event for Cupid, Eros, and Boss. They won't be big, but they will have their spots when I planned out what'll happen to them. (Hint: you guys are going to see them often on your feed if you know where to look ;>)

For now though, I will be finishing up the drabbles and pray I get them queued to finally archive this event. Also, I will be responding to asks + cleaning up my inbox again when I'm done :)

Once again, thank you everyone. I genuinely thought that running One Last Call will not work out back then (I told a few friends I was scared that it won't take off as it did), but I pushed through it anyway since I thought it'd be fun anyway. And to see everyone enjoy it is the best feeling I've had since opening this blog.

I hope all of you enjoy chilling as I try to write + post the drabbles for OLC before concluding its tale... And hopefully writer's block does not slam its gavel on my ass BAHAHAHAHAHA

[skrunksthatwunk]

misc class doodles from the past few days to prove that i can in fact still draw

[liliallowed]

are you Jesus?

nah I'm god

Noelle is my Jesus and dust sans is my sweet adorable Lucifer.

yes I ship Lucifer x god. cuz you know he WAS god's favorite angel technically and I bet god would his disobedience adorable instead of being enraged like most people assume.

this might come as offensive to some people so take it with a grain of salt.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

there’s something so sacred about sharing what you love with others: whether it be a song or food or clothes, a show or a movie or pictures. it's just... such a deep and personal thing, you know? having someone carve out a little part of their heart and gift it to you with an abundance of joy and excitement and passion... yeah.

[crustaceousfaggot]

When I walked like a prairie land, With honey on lips and thighs, My love came from the northern woods, And scooped out both my eyes. When I lay burning in hell, With all its tongues of flame, I called to my lovers out in the world, But no one heard, nor came. Place me where willows are listening, Lay me where whispers brood, And a bunch of rowan upon my breast, For I know not evil from good.

- A Bunch of Rowan, Harry Somers